#but I work 6 days a week lol
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lotus flower pearl
#anthro art#furry art#bird anthro#plant art#artists on tumblr#hey guys#been a while lol#i’m glad ppl still like that post#been a bit overwhelmed by social media lately so i’ve been off it#i’ve been drawing almost every day but i have been working on this extremely detailed piece that still isnt done#idk how many hours i poured into the lineart#this one took me a week of drawing 40mins per night#i used to pump out art bc i was drawing for 6 hours a day#which left me with rsi. which has now greatly improved!!#this is a gift for my friend @cookiedoves on ig. it’s her sweet dove pearl <333#go check out her art. she draws the cutest birds
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#it was a hard day today.#sometimes you just gotta cry for an hour about requiring significant assistance to do basic stuff that you don't actually have help with rn!#(my wife is working 6 12s at a job we had to move across the country for)#(which means 1 she is *exhausted* at *all* times and struggling to even meet her own needs)#(and 2 our other partner and all our family and friends are. multiple days away by car. so they can't come help.)#it's getting hard to even stick leftovers in the microwave for myself but no one else is able to cook for me.#it sucks.#(we're moving again in june because this was a 1-year position from the beginning)#(and the idea is for our other partner to move in with us which will help a lot)#(plus my wife should be switching to a reliably 5-day week at that time)#(but we don't know where we're going for another month and a half.)#(so we can't really do any groundwork or anything to make that happen.)#(and having zero agency other than sitting and waiting and getting worse alone Really Sucks!)#I guess this is a bit of a secret part two to yesterday's meducation lol#favorites
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Persephone: *just came home from spring and is passed out on the bed, snoring loudly and drooling in her sleep*
Hades:
#literally one of my favorite Hades pics lol#like he really said 😍#but fr even when she’s utterly exhausted Hades still finds her so attractive and pretty lol#also I’m so exhausted from work and have to work 6 days in a row this week (and before my birthday too 😖)#so safe to say I got inspired lmao#hercules movie & series au#disney#hercules#hades#disney’s hercules#persephone#persephone oc#hercules oc#disney oc#self insert oc#hades x persephone#persephades#persephone x hades
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delight of the day: survived the first week in the new job without burning anything down
#*mine#mona rambles#it was really quite good actually#like yk it's Work and a 5-day week is like. whack#but getting to go home after 6 hours is WILD. working on a computer instead of like. social/nurse work?? lol. lmao even#like sure this is gonna get rougher once i have to handle my own teams but good god#and it's been fun!! it's actually cool to work together with people and all that#there's definitely office politics going on but I am so utterly unbothered by that stuff so it's really whatever#but also. a two day weekend is such a farce i used to have entire weeks off. what do you mean#/hj#i don't just want my cake i want the whole bakery etc etc#anyway!! i made it!! haven't regretted it yet!!! a win in my book
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late ass frf incoming
#forgot how tiring fulltime work is#anyways#im in a kindergarten class this week so i have no free time during the day BUT if im in older classes i basically do nothing all day#so ill be WAY more active#bc supplying for like grade 6 7 8 classrooms is basically like.#handing out whatever worksheets.#chatting w the kids.#and dicking around on my laptop lol#whereas supplying for kiddie classes is like ON ON ON OKAY GUYS HANDS TO YOURSELVES WALKING FEET LETS STAY ON TASK!!!#etc etc#for six and a half hours#and i love it i cant wait to have my own classroom forever#TWO MORE YEAAARRRRSSS
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Scream cry AND wail sounding off in my head lol still alive but SOOOOOO tired and there's still half an hour of transit left 😭😭😭😭😭😭
#i would love for someone to pick me up for this potluck because im the only one taking the bus#and they all have cars. but alas no one has answered my call for help#aighjfjfhfhfhfjfjfj immmmm so tireddddd i have been up since 6 and have worked about 10 hours i am. tired!!!!#also why are we meeting in a whole nother city 😭😭😭😭#anyway i organised this potluck lol why am i complaining#IM COMPLAINING BECAUSE I WANTED THIS TO BE AN INDOOR EVENT IM ECHUASTRD AND OVKERDTUMILATED#AND ITS A BLOODY PICNIC BECAUSE THE ONLY INTROVERT AND HOMEBODY IN THIS FRIEND GROUP WAS OUTVOTED#I dont resent THAT but i just want to be HOME#preferably with TEA AND A BOOK IM SO TIRED !!!!!!!!#anyway im ok lol it has just been a reaaaaally long and taxing day and the weeked and following week will be Worse
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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sorry in advance for any inactivity / delays in writing..... currently have to work 7 days this week... zzzzzzz
#thankfully those days shouldn't be too stressful#but I'm already exhausted from working 6 days a week#I can't imagine how tired I'll be lol#also pmsing which doesn't help things#thank u for reading my fic and I'll try to post the third chapter in two weeks like usual...#but forgive me for any delays.....
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finished my final shot on the project i was working on 😭 back to unemployment
#gabby rambles#just kidding i have my parttime job i hate still so im fine#on the one hand: no more 6 day work week tho <3#on the other WOW that was 3 months of my life i need to adjust again#i feel like i learned a lot tho and my animation improved!! cannot wait till im able to put some of these shots in my showreel lol
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sneepy cozy....
#cats#(medical stuff mention for tags)#poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe#I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse#your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just#literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea#so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar#event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems#normal so... aa.......#Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me#since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you#if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol#the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing#vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder#my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone#ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such#I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol#feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation#and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am#last night and it's 2pm now..#thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers...#And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially#My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc#and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff#... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest#so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I#supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar#AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas..#I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left#alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....
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why do i get the productivity and organizational motivations at night when i should be getting the sleep motivation
#having the urge to start scheduling my days/setting up daily tasks for myself/planning for future tasks#meanwhile its 11pm and im getting up at 6:30am#voluntarily i should mention - im going to the library to do work bc my wifi at home is absolute shit#and i wanna go early bc otherwise im gonna sit in bed rotting and i dont want that#anywho tomorrow im gonna be doing some mandatory reporter training 🙃 its around two hours long 🙃#and testing out scrivener!! i got the free trial (which. btw. im so glad they only count the days you actually use for the trial)#like last week and just havent had the time/energy to try it out#excited about that!#as well as taking the bus again ironically#its been too long lol#anywho#amber's shit you can ignore
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i will always advocate for skipping classes btw. to all the high schoolers following me: don't sweat having a perfect attendance record it quite literally does not matter. if anyone tells you good attendance is important for being considered for scholarships they're lying to you. my attendance was fucking abysmal and i was offered several full-ride scholarships because my grades were still solid and that's all 90% of colleges care about.
and besides. taking care of yourself - whether you need a mental health break or you're tired or you just frankly don't want to go to that fucking class - should always take priority! now don't take a page from my book and skip a month and a half's worth of pe classes because you ditched One Time because the coach said he was going to make everyone run a mile that day and then he kept trying to get you to "make up" the mile that you missed so you kinda just stopped showing up until he gave up on you forever like please know that you should go to class regularly BUT.
i think taking time off and leaving early and such needs to be normalized. for school and work. i don't think it's fair to punish people for needing breaks. the human brain is literally not made to sit in the same stifling environments for 8 hours almost every day and just focus on "working" or "studying" and "learning." it's very cruel to deprive young, still developing minds especially of proper breaks and time to Play (not that it's not cruel to do the same to adults)
if the system won't give them to you freely though... well. break the rules a little. you know your limits better than anyone. don't try to work to an impossible standard. rest when you need to!! it's very, very easy to burn yourself out, but it's very, very, very, very difficult to recover from it
#i believe all teachers should have flexible due dates on their assignments and should accept late work without penalty#like. i can't fathom the purpose of strict due dates and no late work policies. the only Real deadline is when grades have to be submitted#maybe a week or a week and a half before that hard deadline can be the last call for turning in missing work#because obviously if 15 students turn in All of their missing assignments the day before their teacher has to finalize grades like#that's not going to end well for anybody. but outside of That#there's no fucking point in no late work policies. some hs teachers are idiots man like your kids have 6-8 other classes yknow.#and a life outside of school. jobs. sports. clubs. friends. time for themselves so they can unwind and recharge#do you want them to rush through your assignments and get everything wrong? or copy all the answers off of google?#or do you want them to learn what you're teaching them? if you want your kids to learn you have to be flexible and open#i believe there should always be an alternative to taking tests. they work for some students but not everybody#if you cater to only one style of learning and only 1/8th of your class learns and retains the material like.#that's not the kids' fault. it's not their failure. it's Your failure for not being an actual fucking teacher#ugh. can you tell i'm extremely passionate about this Lol#sometimes when i tell people i want to be a teacher they're like are you sure...?#and then at some point we might have a conversation about the education system and i'll go on a tirade and they're like i understand now.#starts punching walls and stuff
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dude what a day
#logbook#abt to drive up to the house once i get gas. so fucking frustrated and tired.#doesnt help i was on day 6 and tmrw will be day 7 of working in a row. .cant wait for my full time work week lol#i already forgot what i have that'll take me in esrly monday morn but its smth#rest of shop hrs were so slow and stupid. soooo many ppl walked in but only 11 sales in 5 hrs#im ready for food and to feed lizard and pass tf out
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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Daily November crying sessions start today
#why. who. how. how tf does my professor think it's okay to assign 4 major assignments in the same amount of weeks + 4-6 readings every week#all of which are ~20 pages.#i've got all that to do and another big assignment for a different class. plus the weekly readings and reflections for that one.#and i have work.#i've stupidly decided to volunteer for a thing on saturday in the hopes of bulking up my resume + rubbing elbows with the administration.#and i have a medical thing on friday and i'll be looped out and likely will have to sleep half the day. probably won't get ANY work done.#what else..... some fairly easy stuff for my other class thank GOD. but a lot of reading and preparing for a few big essays.#november is the month i hate the fucking most. i always lose my mind in november. and no wonder!!!!!!#meanwhile people are bugging me to hang out. i will be in a student-coma until approx. the first week of december. see you then. peace.#oh and my BIL + SIL sitting me down and showing me all their europe honeymoon photos for 2 HOURS last night is also not helping my mood.#fuck you lol#like i'm happy for you and nice photos but also? Fuck You.#if i can offer some dark humour though.....#my fic axis exists because of a legitimate smidge of insanity i experienced last year. it shifted the way i looked at the world and at grie#sooooo i wonder what kind of fic my mind will crank out this time?#i don't think i'm at risk of losing it this year though. doesn't seem that way. but we'll see!#i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health f#rst i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental heal
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I miss having control over myself. There was a time I was vegan without failure. I was skinny. Exercised a lot. Barely ate. Now I can’t fucking control myself. What do I do to get that back? How do I stop binging? How do I stop eating animal product? It’s not like I want to do either! I cry after, feel guilty, want to puke. But I just can’t stop! And I can’t get off my lazy ass either.
#I HATE being disabled HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE I am filled with hate.#I just want to be able to work and exist without suffering I want to be able to control myself want to be able to be how I used to be#when I was thirteen I was more of an adult then now! working exercising not binging but now I’m a failure#and I don’t mean working a few hours I worked 6-8hr days 4-6 times a week#and I was FINE I felt so healthy felt so good and now I’m just always fucking sick!#despite having been underweight and definitely malnourished from the veganism lol#I lived off French Fries diet Coke and pb&js
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