#but absolutely horrific for me personally. and i don't want to spend the rest of my life like this!! i only have one life and i don't want

[katya-goncharov]

i think the problem with being a student is that it sort of spoiled me, because now i'm used to spending my time in ways i enjoy and not doing stuff that makes me completely miserable and depressed for 40 hours a week, and after that i don't think i'll be able to handle doing a full-time job for the rest of my life

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

I think a lot about the "What would you have me say? That I was the great adversary in your people's mythology?" "I would have had you trust me!" exchange in Trespasser because with Ena and Solas it's like. Solas knows how Ena responds to horrific revelations about the lies being told by someone she's close to. Blackwall's right there!

And the thing is! Ena wasn't even that close to Blackwall! They got along fine, they didn't really have any disagreement on the choices Ena made, but just on a personal level, they had nothing in common. Ena got along with everyone, but her closest friends were Dorian, Bull, and Josephine. She'd probably call Blackwall her friend, sure, just by virtue of all the time they've spent fighting and traveling together, but she's not like, spending a lot of her downtime hanging out with him the way she would some of her other friends.

But when he disappears with only a vague message left behind, she goes looking for him, and when he confesses the truth and ends up in an Orlesian jail - well, Ena's still reeling, she talks to him and comes away and tells Cullen she's not sure what she'll do, but then she thinks for a single second and is like well. either I do something or he gets executed by Orlais. That's it. I don't like that thought, so I have to do something. She tells the Inquisition to pull some strings to put him in her custody, because for all the horror he's confessed to - for all that she is, personally, appalled by what he did - Ena still trusts the person she's fought alongside. She trusts that a man who confessed his lie when he had nothing to gain and everything to lose from it is worthy of her trust, and of the pardon she grants him. And she knows that Orlais is going to be mad, she is warned of that and it's there rattling around in the back of her skull, but - is she a hypocrite, is she abusing her power, maybe, maybe, but Blackwall is one of her people and she does not let her people hang when she is so sure that they are more than the worst thing they ever did.

Even with her conviction that he should have this second chance, their relationship going forward is...uncomfortable, for a while, because of course it is. How can it not be? You think you know a guy. But Ena still checks in with him, takes him on missions, lets him rebuild that trust with her.

And Solas is right there and sees all of this and maybe his confessions are, how do you say, even a bit more than Blackwall's, but Solas still has a damn good idea of how Ena is going to respond! And after the Temple of Mythal, that conversation with Abelas, she already knows that the history of the gods and the ancient elves is different than she thought it was! She hasn't rejected that truth! She's confused, and wants to know more, and, well - Solas chickens out of giving her a different truth.

And Viddasala is the one who gives her the truth, instead. Or at least part of it, and Ena figures out the rest, and even still - having just been told Solas gave Corypheus the orb, her response is still "Whatever else, Solas was one of us. I won't leave him for Viddasala." Like she wouldn't leave Blackwall to the Orlesians! Those are her people.

And even after Solas tells her what he plans to do, and her response is "I never thought of you as someone who would do that, Solas" - Solas is straight up telling her that he is not the person that she thought he was, and yet. She still chooses to trust in the person that she knew, and fought alongside (and loved in Solas' case), no matter the horrid truth that they are currently telling her.

This is because she is deeply loyal but also a little deranged about it.

Basically, even if Ena hadn't romanced Solas, she absolutely still would be pursuing the "I can change him" path, because she does not give up on her people, even when they are actively telling her to give up on them. There might be something wrong with her.

[imadarkraincloud]

Sunday Morning

Good Morning everybody. Sorry for my absence it was a hell of a busy week. It went by very fast and before ii knew it the weekend was here. Work has kept me busy and has also been very good for my mental health. As an added treat the guys all got together for our Friday lunch. I know this seems like it is me beating a dead horse and repeating myself but it is nice to have friends. I have never been at the point where I could have a group to call my own and the brotherhood aspect of it has been wonderful. It is good to feel wanted and needed. Having been alone so many years I have not felt what is like...I like it.

It's breezy but absolutely gorgeous out today. After nothing but rain and wind for the last week or so it is perfect for a Sunday.

You know with everything new I have been trying I believe that it has been great for my mental health and at this point I almost feel like a normal member of society. But I also believe that I will never quite see myself as that person who is alright with himself. I will forever see me as a horribly disfigured beast that is under lock and key in some cellar somewhere. Horns coming out of the top of my head and one of them has been broken off. Scars all over my body from decades of abuse and self harm. A horrific limp from a lesson I learned years ago about talking when I should be listening, cause nobody wants to hear the beast speak. Pain mapped out all over my body a life learned in suffering. Something that the universe will never accept because they simply just don't understand.

But mental health is so like drug addiction recovery, one day at a time. So for today and today right now I feel very good. It's the mood swings that sap your strength with depression. From sad to happy to feeling numb it all tears you apart. It makes you feel evil. Your insecurities and fears become amplified and distorted beyond recognition. But mental health is also like an acid trip, it is different for everybody.

A few weeks ago I bought me and my son our tickets to the fan expo comic con for this February. To say I am pumped up is an understatement. This is me and my sons Christmas . It is such a huge deal for us and it will be our third one. This year I got the weekend package and all of the trimmings to go with it. Since Victoria will not be having one this year I will go all out on this one. There is so much to see and do. We save money and bring our big backpack so he can get his favourite wee action figures that are tough to find at the store. There are seemingly endless tables of everything a couple of nerds like us could ever want or ask for ha ha. I am so counting dow the days to spend it and share with my favourite little human .

I recently started a new book called "Alone against the north" by Adam Shoalts. It is so far excellent. It is about a man and his expeditions over Canada and the rest of the world. I always loved books about explorers and their escapades. Real adventures that I myself would not have the guts to try have always intrigued me. I have been reading a lot lately and I also feel it is an important part of me feeling so good lately. This level of balance and feeling good is something I want to continue so I will just keep doing what I am doing.

Well enough of my rambling ha ha. I might see you all later and might write again.

Till next time take care

[sureuncertainty]

vent post ahead, cw for discussion of covid, anxiety and morality based OCD:

so my covid symptoms have almost completely resolved (I just have a lingering cough at this point) but I'm still testing positive on a rapid test (with a really dark line) so I'm extremely stressed about going back to work in a few days AND about the fact that I'm going out with my family tonight and tomorrow for my siblings' last days here, bc of how much they've been pressuring me.

as for work, i literally cannot NOT go back in to work i've already lost so much money and they won't let me stay out anymore anyway because their rule is 5 days after your symptoms start you go back and just wear a mask. and obviously i'll wear a mask but like. i feel so horrible about it. and as for going out with my family, they spent hundreds of dollars to fly down here and I promised them i'd get them into the parks and spend time with them and they've already been pressuring me a lot to do that the past couple of days and I was able to put my foot down then bc I still had symptoms but now that my symptoms are basically gone they won't accept 'am still testing positive' as a valid reason to not go out. and I just can't have that argument with them, not after the week I've had

so i keep going back and forth between 'i'm the worst person in the world for going back to my life before i have a negative covid test' and 'it's not my fault that there is literally no guidance anymore particularly regarding the new variant and everyone else has decided they literally don't care and there is no protection or safeguards to ALLOW me to keep isolating past five days like I did last time I had covid

i want to do my part to protect others as best i can but i feel like I can't (or that I won't and this entire post is just me trying to justify my horrific decisions) and it makes me so so so upset, and it frustrates me how other people get to just go do whatever they want and it doesn't matter, but i'm sitting here sobbing bc i don't wanna infect people but i feel like i have no choice but to go back out and keep living my life, bc of how our society just doesn't care anymore

anyway my brain is being really really mean to me about it (thanks OCD!) but it's extremely hard not to believe my brain that i do deserve to feel like an absolute piece of human garbage for starting to go out again, even if I mask up with a kn95. i'm doing what I can but I feel like I should be doing more, I should be putting my foot down i should be accepting the fact that I won't be able to make rent this month (my job wont' pay me for the time out I already missed so I'm already gonna be super tight this month) I should have done more not to have gotten it in the first place, and yeah. just spiraling about it and i feel like I"m going to live with the horrific guilt of this for the rest of my lif

and i KNOW that part of it is me being mean to myself but my religious and morality ocd is very hard to ignore, especially when it's being backed up by half the people on tumblr and twitter right now who act like if you haven't been isolating since march 2020 you're the literal scum of the fucking earth

i'm overthinking it i know i am sorry to make anyone read all this and i'll almost definitely delete it later i just had to get these thoughts out somewhere, thanks for reading

[the-fo0l]

Yandere! Ethan Winters x reader

Notes: Reader in gender neutral as as usual. God i love Ethan sm, he's just such an underappreciated sweetheart<3333

Warnings: murder, since it's a yandere fic

Ethan is very much an obsessive, overprotective and worshipper type of yandere

You will never anyone who is as devoted to ones one's partner as he is

He has commitment issues in the sense that he gets too committed too fast

Once he's in love he can't help but plan out the rest of your lives together in his head

Spending nearly all his time daydreaming about lovey-dovey dates, the fairytale wedding, perfect honeymoon and beyond romantic anniversaries.

He makes a very good amount of money as a system engineer and after the Baker house he got a real nice compensation for stopping Evelin

And you can bet that nearly all of it goes towards spoiling you

The attachment he has to you is only amplified by the fact you two met during the horrorific events at the Baker house

Lucas had kidnapped you, delusonally insisting you were his girlfriend and every time you fought back he'd throw a fit and lock you in the basement

It just so happend that Ethan had to pass by the basement when he first entered the house and found you there, unconscious, but way more alive looking than the creatures he's encountered so far

When he woke you he immediately started questioning you on Mia and if you had seen her, confusing the hell out of you

You told eachother everything you knew and agreed to help one another with escaping

The deeper in the house you go the more Ethan seems to lose his mind. He becomes more and more protective of you, always healing you before himself, even locking you in the saferoom a couple times. You assume he's just stressed about Mia and worried for you cause you're the only normal person in the house

But little did you know that Ethan's mold infected mind had nothing on it but you, you and only you

When the horrific night you two had was beginning to end Ethan and you found Mia and Zoe. Faced with the decision of who should have the one remaining cure he injects you with no hesitation

You likely didn't even need it, you hadn't been in the Baker house as long as them

The girls are doomed to die or even worse, become just like the mold monsters you've been fighting. In that case Ethan doesn't want them getting in the way or hurting you, oh god how the thought of you getting hurt pains him. With no remorse, nor delay, he shoots them both in the head as you watch on in shock

"...What the fuck, Ethan?!" you hardly back away a couple steps before he girmly grabs ahold of your shoulders

"Shh, shhh, it's okay, they can't hurt you anymore," he says, looking at you with nothing but pure and absolute adoration swimming in his eyes

He has you wait for him in a safe place while he goes to finish Evelin and find you two an escape from this nightmare

But just because the incident is over does not mean you're getting rid of Ethan any time soon, in fact it's quite the opposite

To him you are the only person in the world who actually matters and he'll make sure you know it

He constantly showers you with compliments and physical affection when he feels daring enough

And don't even get me started on the gift giving he does

Now you both live comfortably in a big house, having everything you could ever want, all the while Ethan dotes over you 24/7

And I do mean 24/7, he even dreamily talks about you in his dreams

You don't have to lift a finger, Ethan insists on doing all the cooking and cleaning so you can focus on whatever makes you happy and he can focus on being the perfect househusband for you <3

Just, please, give him some affection too, the way he blushes and stutters is a sight for sore eyes

Thankfully, he doesn't get jealous very easily but he does hate it when other men get overly friendly with you. But he trusts you (after all i he becomes a problem Ethan could easily kill him)

Hates being away from you for extended periods of time

Scratch that, he hates being away from you at all

He always feels like he has to keep proving his love for you even more. Whether that be gifts, vacations, acts of sercive, endless flattery or killing your enemies, he'll do it all just so he can be held by you at the end of the day

btw he's a the little spoon bite me

If you try getting away from him good luck, he'll go to hell and back until he finds you

Plus the government officials tasked with containing bioweapons agree that keeping you and him together is the best way to keep Ethan docile, after all you're the only thing he cares about now

So if you really don't like him, maybe it'd be better to just stay for the money, or so that he doesn't go on a killing spree, god knows he's happy as long as you two are together

Just like it should be <3

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[mozukumi]

Ahh okay the Fuyu/Natsu dynamic anon was me and i genuinely don't know how that was sent on anon. I'm gonna blame Tumblr being Tumblr.

I see what you mean about Water Me! And I LOVE the idea of an into the woods style story. You could also go into the realm of Journey to the West if you wanna follow adventure shenanigans but with more cultural relevance to the setting. It's originally a Chinese story but there's versions across Asia if I remember correctly. (The Kdrama A Korean Oddessy, for example, is based on this tale and does a humorous modernization)

Maybe since the troupe average age is older they can go more into the realm of Black Comedy than just Slapstick. Like just let Yuki go ham! Tsuzuru sees Tenma and Yuki sniping at each other one (1) time and writes for three days straight.

(Also I'm having a horrific vision of a really pared down version of CATS instead of the Great Sardine Search and I'm trying not to think too hard about it).

Oh Tenma going thru it noooo. He needs friends 😭. Does he still want the single room because he's a Celebrity™ or is it more of a "The only person I can trust is myself I'm an island I don't need anybody" Type thing. Oh man grown up Tenma Yuki dynamic would be BRUTAL actually.

Oh I can't remember if you addressed is before, but what was Masumi's draw to Mankai? I assume it's no longer "unhealthy obsession with director" but was he drawn to Sakuya's acting this time or is his motivation completely different? I do like to imagine him being sort of a mentor to kiddo!Matsukawa in terms of music production. Like he let's him mess around in the studio and stuff. I think Matsukawa's canon talent in music is something that we all sleep on (I like to headcanon that he composed and produced all the troupe and play songs).

And Because I physically can't do anything without talking about Juban at Least a lil - Imagine Ginji Shenanigans but Director Banri's been keyed into the situation from the point where everyone starts suspecting Juza's secretly married instead of being brought in at the end. (I love the Ginji arc so much not a single brain cell to be found)

hi anon!! um. again sorry for this being so late, but this one was also sent on anon, just so you know!!! tumblr continues to be tumblr </3

bc this was a longer message and i had a lot to say, thoughts under the cut!

ooh, i'll definitely have to look into that journey to the west idea!!

and YEAH thats what i was thinking. tsuzuru has been unchained. Tsuzuru Without Limits. he absolutely is gonna go for more darker comedy.

DEAR LORD SARDINE SEARCH AS CATS 2019. I HATE THIS BUT ALSO I NEED YOU TO KEEP TALKING. actually my friends and i have this joke that when the mankai company puts on Cats, the playbill says that homare is playing every role, and then there's that little understudy slip-in that shows the rest of the cast via that, and you need to figure out who homare is playing via process of elimination. our thoughts were that homare has the range to play all of them so he should get to choose each night who he wants to play.

TENMA IS... going through it ya. he's become disgraced as a celebrity due to um. some Undefined Scandal that i will eventually define, so that's why he's even joining mankai in the first place.

AND GROWN UP TENMA AND YUKI DYNAMIC... in the break i took, my friends and i discussed some new lore for mankai swap, so the reason yuki hates tenma so much is that he was hired to be his designer for a red carpet/met gala event, and tenma insisted on just weareing a tuxedo. so yuki still holds a grudge about this. last runway is catharsis for him bc he gets to make tenma wear interesting outfits.

about masumi. um. that's a great question! so here's what i have about him joining in my rough draft:

The gang: QUIT YOUR JOB JOB JOIN OUR THEATER TROUPE

Man with dyed hair: looks logningly by passes by

[...]

Banri takes them out for sushi so he can get california rolls. Mentally he’s like wait i probably shouldnt be spending so much but ehhh its a special occasion.

Everybody is having fun and laughing and fambily ^_^

Man with dyed hair from earlier: … you guys are the mankai company right

Banri: ya

Man with dyed hair: are you still looking for members

Banri: ya

Man with dyed hair: can i join.

Banri: ya

Man with dyed hair: cool. Im masumi usui. I do not have abandonment issues.

Banri: wow we’ve got the whole new spring troupe

so i'm pretty sure what i was trying to get at here was that masumi joins bc he wants the idea of a family, but also i didn't actually write that out explicitly so um? even if that wasn't the original intention its what im going with now.

AND I DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER HIM MENTORING MATSUKAWA SO TRUE... one thing abt this au is that um. it has turned me into a big Matsukawa fan he is my little boy boss. did you know he sleeps in the attic in canon. it makes me insane. poor matsukawa. i love the idea of masumi mentoring him and him composing the play songs!!

oh my god this ginji arc idea is so insanely good i LOVE it. i agree it's one of my favorite arcs it is so funny but also so sweet, and the idea of turning it into a 'omg is he secretly married' is HILARIOUS on all fronts. i adore this thank u for these crumbs.

? wait that reminds me i wrote a mankai swap juban drabble during my break i should post that.

as always., thank you so much for taking the time to ask!!

[luna-is-on-mars]

Luna, my love💖💖💖

This is me thinking of you and missing you terribly. I'm sorry if I'm annoying you with my ramblings, but I don't know if you read my answers to your asks. So I wanted to tell you again how endlessly grateful I am for all your support and love!!😭😭❤️❤️ You and all your loving messages have been such a GREAT help and encouragement these past few days, you have no idea. I love you so incredibly much! I will think of something to say thank you with in the near future🥺🥺 Because I feel bad when I don't thank you properly.

And Luna, how are you doing, darling? How is everything with you? I'm still worried about you. Have some of the problems regarding the beginning of your apprenticeship been solved? Gosh, I'm so incredibly rooting for you that things have calmed down for you by now!!💖💖 I'm constantly thinking of you, always hoping you are well and safe🥺❤️ If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know, okay? I'm here for you. You are not alone. I am soooo proud of you. You got this🌸💗

Have a very wonderful evening, my dear. I hope you are taking good care of yourself and spending quality time with all your F/Os. They all love you so much. And so do I. I'm sending you so much love and hugs🤗🤗💜💜

Hello love! ♡

I'm so sorry that I didn't answer you yesterday! I was a little busy and then exhausted (more on this below)

First of all, you could NEVER annoy, bother or overwhelm me! I absolutely love hearing from you and I always try to answer as soon as possible and I really hate to keep you constantly waiting. I'm so sorry!

I've just seen your answer and answered you, but thank you so much for your loving message again! In fact, I'm usually so touched and overwhelmed by attentive and wonderful answers/reactions/messages that I read it, calm myself down, try to formulate a answer, can't find the right words, get distracted and then forget, which is so incredibly unfair because I originally wanted to drown the person in love and affection! Of course, that's no excuse for my lack of answers, but maybe it helps to know how this came about? I'm so annoyed with this myself...

You don't have to thank me at all! Especially with something! Oh please don't do this, I couldn't handle the bad conscious for feeling unworthy of it! I love and value you already so much, the least I wanted is to try helping you ♡ Your kind messages are enough gratitude and I'm honestly touched that I was able to help you!

And how am I doing? That's a really good question! I think I'm okay? The last few days have been pretty exhausting, but different from what I'm used to, and not necessarily in a bad way.

On Saturday I went to my first First Aid course, which I had wanted to do for so many years, but never had the opportunity, time and money, which is why I was really looking forward to it. Unfortunately, the course was two hours shorter than scheduled and we didn't do so many topics at all and many far too short, that was pretty disappointing. In addition, I already knew everything, apart from the practical application, that made it a little boring. I was desperately hoping to learn A LOT more, because, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, I'm really passionate about the practical application of medicine! Actually, I always wanted to go into medicine, first as a laboratory assistant, then as a doctor, then as a nurse, then as an operating technician and finally as a paramedic, but unfortunately that doesn't work because of my lack of schooling, funding and my phobia of touch and social fears. Yes, I hate all the reasons

And I got my second vaccination on Monday and I was absolutely fine the rest of the day, but during the night I got such a fever and heavy chills that my night was just horrific and exhausting, which is why I hardly slept and was totally exhausted. On Tuesday morning, however, I felt better and with every passing hour my fever dropped, so that I was completely normal again at noon! Otherwise there was nothing at all! By the way, my first vaccination was just as harmless, I only had warm ears and somehow I slept completely for half a day, otherwise there was nothing at all as well! (I'm so proud of my body♡)

But I wasn't working on Monday and Tuesday so as not to strain my body too much. However, this made sure that I was in a really bad mood from doing absolutely nothing, so that I can hardly wait to finally go back to work today! I really hate doing nothing or too less, if I'm not exhausted, I don't feel like I've done enough?

Though, not a single problem regarding the apprenticeship has been solved so far, which is why I still feel great uneasiness and panic... But thank you for asking and your concern! Thanks to you I feel a little less ashamed about all my worries ♡

And all these things were also the reason why I kinda forgot to take care of me and look after myself, hopefully that will change from now on...

Thank you sooooo much for all your kind words and for always showing me love and support! Even if I'm not answering you appropiate, I still value you and your words GREATLY!

I'm sending so much love and hugs right back to you! ♡

(And I'm sorry for this very long answer, I just can't be brief?)

[heroes-never-discourse]

You guys: *didn't know a predator got in your server but kicked them out as soon as you knew* antis: "OMG!! We knew you guys are terrible!" also antis: *still supporting self-admitted rapists who are antis like them* antis: "They're different cause they don't ship nasty ships. We're doing nothing wrong!". Woooow hypocrites! I'm so pissed seeing the complaints on twitter when they're doing a hell lot worse.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

Listen, I will fucking never let the Ollie bullshit go. Or the one about their sister. Or the one who was drunk. They were all fucking coddled by their anti buddies because they said the right shit, and that's fucking reprehensible.

We did everything we could. We were reached out to, we reassured the victim, we banned the predator, and we put the word out about it so other people would know and could avoid them as soon as possible. I literally don't know what else these antis would have us do other than doing full dossiers on people who want to join the server, or just slap an 18+ sticker on the server and throw however many minors we have out on the curb.

Which, I'm going to say here, I absolutely would not want to do. There are minors in our community, and they should have a place they can feel safe just as much as the adults should. We keep the server literally as safe as humanly possible with the tools available - separate roles, locked nsfw channels, lots of active mods, keeping conversation in the sfw channels above board and squashing any inappropriate behavior we see. This encounter didn't even happen in-server because if it had we would have banned the person the instant it happened, and we can't control dms (and even then, when we first heard about them dming random people in the server with "innocent" rp requests, we immediately told then to stop; they just ignored us).

I'm fucking horrified and so sorry that it happened at all, but not knowing about this person's history means none of us could have predicted this happening.

I was a fucking mess yesterday. I was enraged and anxious and shaking because as an admin I'm responsible for the people in our server, and having something like this happen is literally a waking nightmare. I want to keep the people I'm in charge of as safe as possible and an oversight fucked that up and made people unsafe, and that's horrifically upsetting to me. But I did what I could to fix it and so did everyone else on our mod team and I love them for that.

And the fucking antis coming out of the woodworks to try and tell us that's our fault, to literally have the audacity to say us and our willingness to give someone who on the surface looked just like the rest of us the benefit of the doubt was taken advantage of and that's "our fault" make me fucking sick to my stomach.

I and the rest of the mods didn't spend fucking 12 hours straight doing everything we could to try and right this wrong just to have a bunch of puritans use our fucking due diligence against us. Fuck them.

[geejaysmith]

Not related to anything, was just thinking and don't remember if you posted about it anywhere or not - how did you get into MGS? What got you hooked and kept you as an active fan of this series compared to many other games and their characters?

Well, my first conscious memory of contact with the series was around the time Smash Bros Brawl came out, but back then it was mostly just cultural background noise. I'd kinda written it off as "oh look another military action game, except I guess this one has a giant robot and an evil twin brother who lives on after death via possessed arm grafted onto someone else's body and a nerd called Otacon and it's short for Otaku Convention?" And also the Box Thing, because eeeeverybody knows about the Box Thing. Super Bunnyhop's videos are what actually showed me that no, actually, this series is on that wavelength of "I'm doing something super unorthodox with this thing I'm making because I want to, and also I'm going to toss a bunch of batshit bonkers nonsense in there, because I think it's cool, and also because I want to" that I  really vibe with? There's a meme of a Venn diagram somebody made showing the overlap of Homestuck, MGS, Kingdom Hearts, and JJBA that (as far as I know) happened completely independently of myself drawing those same connections and concluding that watching Jojo would make me the Avatar, master of all 4 Elements of Batshit Bonkers Nonsense. 

Also after spending years in the Homestuck fandom, with the comic's endless cycles of Bullshit Teen Drama (which would be fine, except its chickenshit author never bothers with resolving anything), where we get into bitter fights over whether forgetting about a friend's birthday makes a 16 year old the Objectively Worst Person Ever, it was a breath of fresh air to be dealing with a bunch of adult characters who are ALL morally questionable at the absolute best of times and the fans (the circle I landed in, at least) just roll with it. Hell, it’s fun to take an occasional walk in the shoes of a character who's a mildly horrific person. The first Darker And Grittier MGS fics I found myself reading were like getting shocked awake. It's actual catharsis, to have permission to go to those depths, and it puts the issues of adolescence that the HS kids deal with into a hell of a perspective. Like, you think my faves are problematic? Didja mean one of the socially underdeveloped teenagers, or the quadruple agent who gets his kicks by torturing people? 

It was actually kind of hard to go from MGS3 to the rest of the series, hence why I put it off for like, a year? I actually watched thru the compiled cutscenes a good year before I played the game. Just because the character writing was incredibly compelling to me and the rest didn't quite have the same chemistry. MGS itself has these "gap moe" properties where, if you have the right kind of mindset, you can see a lot more potential in the writing than perhaps was entirely intentional, or maybe it was there all along but was just being held back by other constraints like "the game is limited to Snake's perspective" or "the story has to be framed around the gameplay portions because it's an interactive medium" or "this was directed by a man". That's the kind of series I latch my claws into, that doesn't quite scratch the itch it gives me all the way but still gives me something to work with. 

[lace-anne]

12-46 because they're mostly yes/no questions and more questions are more fun (sorry if this is a ridiculous number of questions, you don't have to do them all if you don't want)

12: What’s your favorite scent?This raspberry and lychee candle I have! Very sweet-smelling!

13: What’s your favorite urban legend?The Black-Eyed Children legend. (Thanks, Shane Dawson.)

14: What’s a bad habit that you have?I used to bite my nails a lot (but I can’t now because braces, lol). I am quite prone to popping pimples even though I know I shouldn’t. 

15: What’s a strange habit that you have?I like to do things in fours, like sending four kisses at the end of a text, or taking four sips of a drink. It’s really weird, but I do it!

16: What’s the first instrument that you learned to play?Like everyone else, my first instrument was a recorder. I took classes for two years and learned literally nothing (except how to read sheet music reasonably well).

17: How would you describe your ‘type?’Cute in a nerdy sort of way, kind, clever, funny, caring, gentle, not afraid to show emotions, and always DTC (down to cuddle!).

18: Would you rather stay in or go out?Stay in, please. I’m a homebody.

19: What was the last thing you said to your mom?I think I said “thank you!” for some makeup brushes she gave me just a few minutes ago.

20: Do you want to get married someday?Oh yes! I really, really do! The idea of spending my life with someone I absolutely adore and who adores me right back?? Sounds perfect to me.

21: Have you ever snuck out?No, I haven’t. I’m too much of a wuss, lol.

22: Can you sing well?Some songs I can sing okay, but the rest of the time I sound like a frog croaking.

23: What’s an embarrassing thing that happened this week?I said hi to someone who wasn’t talking to me. Brb, time to die.

24: When was the last time you went sledding?When I was like, six, and I mowed a kid down along the way. (He lived.)

25: Have you ever/do you liked someone you know you can never be with?Mm... kind of? I’m just hoping it all works out somehow.

26: Do people often mispronounce your name?Macs is pretty straight-forward... but it’s not my real name. My real name gets fucked up by people all the time. 

27: Would you like to live in another country?I wouldn’t mind living in the UK! I think that would be a nice place to settle down. But I am quite happy with New Zealand, since I’ve lived here all my life and it’s familiar to me.

28: Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows?Nah, not really my kind of thing.

29: Who was the last person you said you loved to?... a friend of mine who I love with all my heart and soul. No more details than that, I’m afraid, haha.

30: What’s something you’d like to be better at?Talking to people I don’t know! I’m useless at making small talk. That, or time management. I’m a horrific procrastinator. 

31: Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad?I have, actually, and he’s done the same for me. 

32: What was the last thing you cooked?My sister and I made spaghetti earlier this week for our dinner.

33: Do you think you would make a good parent?I like to think so! I’d take my kids lots of places, read to them, play with them, let them know they’re loved, and make sure they grow up happy!

34: Do you have trouble sleeping at night?Sometimes I do. I’m a useless sleeper. Once I wake up, there’s no falling back asleep.

35: Where is your best friend right now?My IRL best friend is probably at home on her computer, lol. And my two best online friends are celebrating Thanksgiving over in the States! (Hey, @t0m0kii and @nyoomboom!)

36: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?Getting dressed, doing my hair, and putting on my makeup takes about half an hour. I get distracted easily.

37: How late do you usually stay up at night?Recently I’ve been going to bed at 11 o’clock. Not the best idea since I usually wake up at 5:30 am. 

38: When was the last time you cried and why?Yesterday afternoon. A friend and I had a very emotional chat, which ended up with both of us in tears.

39: Have you ever won a contest?I’ve won a few colouring competitions in my time!

40: Can you draw well?Kind of? I’m okay at drawing people, but I’m rubbish at everything else.

41: Would you ever date someone you met on Tumblr/the internet?Yes, I would! If only they didn’t live so goddamn far away.

42: What was the last thing you ate?A piece of toast smothered in Vegemite.

43: Do you think you’re/you’d make a good boyfriend/girlfriend?I hope I’d be! I’m quite affectionate and clingy and eager to please, and I love cuddles and kisses. I’d definitely be a very snuggly girlfriend, haha.

44: Have you ever had a near-death experience?I nearly got hit by a car coming out of a swimming lesson when I was eight. Just about shit myself, it was so scary.

45: What do you think people think of you?I hope they think I’m a nice person and easy to talk to. :)

46: What is your middle name and do you like it?My middle name is Anne, and I like it a lot, actually! It’s my mum’s middle name, too.

(Feeling nosy? Send me an ask!)

[setoangel01-fanfiction]

Confrontation

Beautiful Disaster - Chapter 3 (Previous Chapters)

Rated: T

Chapter Summary: Ash tries to get some answers from Johnny as to how he acquired his injuries - it's a lot harder than she expects.

Fanfiction.net

A03

Ash wasn't even fully aware of what was happening since her eyes locked onto the horrific injury. Vision blurring with unshed tears as she stared in abhorrent shock at the slit in his green jumper and the blood pooling around it. Some of the blood drenching it is dry, dark and clinging to the fibers of the shirt but also way too obvious that some was far too fresh. Johnny dodging her hand as she tried to help him must have injured him further…and that killed her.

This whole situation was outright horrifying.

It had to be a dream or some kind of demented nightmare for who on earth would hurt him? Johnny would never even fathom hurting another soul; so gentle and kind to everyone he met - what cruel, heartless person could actually stab him?!

…just what the hell happened…?!

Ash had grown completely unaware of how she was practically hyperventilating; eyes blurring with tears as she stared at the obvious stab wound Johnny had acquired…

The worst part was he still refused to tell her what took place tonight…

"Oh God, Johnny…Oh my God!" she screamed, hand moving to cover her mouth in the sheer horror of what she was witnessing. Something inside of her chest shattered at the reality she was being faced with and yet, Johnny refused to clarify whatsoever.

"It's alright! I'm alright! Everything turned out fine!" Johnny muttered, trying fruitlessly to pull away from her but found he didn't have the energy; only able to scoot up a bit further against the cold tiles of the wall. Part of him wished to flee, but Ash had already seen the wound and it was too late to hide it now.

Ash pushed her hand forward, ignoring Johnny flinching at her action but not caring in the least, as she touched the stained cloth around the wound she still had yet to see in its brutal entirety. Anxiety steadily began building in her gut; all too aware of the amount of blood staining his shirt and the fur underneath.

Just so much blood…

Lungs filling with frigid air; chest a gaping wound as she continually stared at it; confronting the reality that this indeed happened to Johnny - this wasn't a nightmare but brutal reality.

Yet, the questions still lingered like a horrible overcast shadow - Who did this? Why would anyone hurt him? How could this have happened to someone like him? Someone who had never hurt anybody…

Absolutely none of this made sense and Johnny tried to hide it from her; pulling away and treating it as if it was NOTHING! That he wasn't stabbed and possibly bleeding to death and something inside of her snapped.

"What the hell do you mean you're alright?!" something in Ash finally broke; the words came out choked and raspy but she found out she didn't fucking care. All she wanted was answers and dammit, she wanted them now.

"..."

"How can you possibly be okay?! You call this fine?!" the voice that came out of her mouth was so incredibly raw; the pain etched in it made Johnny flinch back a bit.

"..."

"...and what if it hadn't!? WHAT?" Ash continually shouted not even giving him time to ponder any sort of response..

"I-I don't…." Johnny tried to speak but Ash didn't let him finish.

"I'll tell you - you would have died, Johnny. That…that tomorrow, you'd never show up for work. I-I would gonna call your phone and you don't answer. T-T-That I'd be watching the news and find out my best friend had been killed and found dead i-in some ditch or dirty alley somewhere…Is that okay to you!?" Ash yelled, voice breaking and eyes misting over as she stared angrily at him.

Johnny grew completely silent; his chestnut eyes falling from her drilling gaze.

"This is not okay, Johnny. It's not. You're not… B-But before I argue with you anymore, I-I need to call an ambulance. You need to go the hospital!" she muttered more to herself as she reached into her skirt pocket to retrieve her phone when suddenly Johnny's hand was on hers and effectively blocking her from her task.

"NO!" he shouted and Ash's quills prickled on end…she had never heard Johnny shout like that and apparently, he hadn't either by how surprised he was when it came out.

"I-I'm sorry Ash…I…B-But, no…I-I-I can't go to the hospital." Johnny continued as almost an afterthought, pulling in on himself; his arms wound tight around his waist in a fruitless yet desperate attempt to keep his wound out of sight and out of mind for her. Needless to say, it didn't work.

A few moments passed before Ash found her voice again.

"Heh. W-Why not? In case you haven't noticed - you got fucking stabbed!" Ash said a lot more calmly than she felt at the moment. Her heart was beating a million miles an hour and her head was aching something fierce. None of this made sense and the horrific nature of what exactly took place tonight was driving her out of her fucking mind and now he refused to go to the hospital?!

A part of her questioning if any of this was really happening…

"Ash, please…I-I can't. Alright?" Johnny avoided her gaze the best he could but all it succeeded in doing was for her to keep drawing her eyes to the bloody stain in his jumper his hands didn't bother to hide anymore. The crimson leaking into the green staunchly contrasted and one thing for sure, Ash would never associate those two colors with Christmas ever again…

"...Why the hell not?" Ash asked steadily, doing her best to stay calm in this hellish situation.

"I-I…"

"Why not, Johnathan?" she growled, using his full name as a last resort.

"...because I can't bloody afford it, Ashley!" he growled back while using the same dirty tactic on her.

Ash's eyes narrowed at the use of her full first name (the ones her parents would use to especially ruffle her quills) and context but it worked for a moment, she had to give him that. All she wanted to know is when she became the one being disciplined in this situation.

Yet Ash wouldn't be silenced, "C'mon, you have to have some kind of insurance or something! Hell, even Moon has those that need it on that one program of his."

"...Ash…I'm bloody broke. I have nothing, alright? Nearly every cent I make is going to my dad's high-end lawyer - if I miss just one payment - just one - he'll drop my dad as a client, and…I-I can't let that happen. I just can't…"

"So, let me get this straight - you've been stabbed yet won't call the ambulance - will you at least call the police? Because dammit, Johnny, I'm not stupid - someone did this to you and they're still out there! What's to say they won't do it again?"

Johnny turned his face away; gaze steadfast off to some far off point before mumbling out, "I can't call the police..."

"...why the hell not? What if they're still looking for you and want to finish the job? You want those maniacs on the street?"

"I can't call the police because I don't want my dad to know! If the police find out, word will get to him…I know it will."

"Heh. I hate to put a hitch in your plans, but your dad is going to notice especially when you show up looking like this!" Ash didn't mean to yell, she really didn't, but she couldn't help it. Looking at Johnny's battered and blood smeared face broke something precious in her.

"I-I'll just tell him I was busy with work. I can get away with that since it's not really a lie. I just won't go see him until I've fully healed." Johnny shrugged and Ash's countenance fell.

"...does he have something to do with this?" It was like a light went on in her head; recalling Johnny telling her his father's extensive criminal history. How many years he'd been the leader of a gang that worked with a seedy under-network of criminals to steal vast amounts of cash and other goods. Johnny's father was almost like a kingpin - it shocked her how his son turned out so squeaky clean and not a bad bone in his body with a father like that. His mother must have been one hell of a good woman…

It had been long drawn out minutes but Johnny still hadn't answered the question and to Ash, that was an immediate 'yes' whether he wanted to admit it or not. Sometimes Johnny's silence was more telling than him speaking - she could read his eyes better anyway. The boy wore his heart on his sleeve.

"Johnny, why don't you want your father to know?" Ash asked; thinking perhaps a different tactic was in order if she wanted him to keep talking.

"..." Johnny remained silent.

"Look, if whatever happened tonight was somehow the result of your father's involvement in any way - this isn't your problem. What's the problem with telling him about it?"

"...Ash, my dad very may spend the rest of his life behind bars…" Johnny sighed and it wasn't news to her but the way he said it with his shoulders slumped and the saddest expression on his face hurt her like hell. "Yet, with this lawyer, he could possibly be out in as little as ten years - and…I want that. I-I want my dad out of that place. To have some kind of future…He's all I have left and I…I want to bring him home." he whimpered the last part; tears filling his chestnut eyes and it broke her heart in two.

"..." Ash didn't know what to say so she remained silent.

"If I told him what was happening - hell, even if word got out that I got me arse kicked by anybody - I have no doubt in my mind that my dad would break out of that prison again to murder whoever did it." Johnny muttered and Ash was surprised by Johnny's use of profanity, but seeing how emotionally and physically battered as he was right now - it seemed well warranted.

"The wardens and prosecutors already warned us that if he tries that stunt again…it's automatic life without parole…" his teary eyes finally met hers and the pain lacing them shocked her to her very core, "Ash, my dad would die in prison…I can't let that happen…I just can't." Johnny finished with a sigh, a shaking hand lifting to wipe at his face; flinching when he touched his swollen flesh and Ash was so tempted to pull his hand away so he didn't further hurt himself but she didn't.

Ash froze - staring as Johnny as if for the first time.

Realizing now just how selfless this guy was - always thinking of others and scarcely of himself. It hurt that as open as he was with her, he never bothered to tell her any of this; that for as close as they were in and out of the theater, he never mentioned the demons he was secretly battling.

On the tip of her tongue, she wanted to argue, to rebel against the harsh realities he told her. To tell him to call the police and ambulance to get him more help and catch the assholes that hurt him, but a part of her knew Johnny wouldn't allow it. Didn't want to go against his wishes and rupture this relationship she had with him - refused to ever let that happen…

It left Ash with only one choice…

"Fine. Since the ambulance and even calling the police is off the table - let me help at least clean up your wounds." Ash offered and for one of the few times tonight, Johnny met her eyes.

"Oi, Ash, you don't 'ave to. These are my problems - not yours."

"...I want to. Now come on." Ash offered a shaking paw which she just noticed had a few splotches of his blood staining her fur. It bothered her immensely but she ignored it for now to keep her offer open.

"...A-Ash, I…"

"Please." the words felt so foreign on her tongue, "I want to help you, Johnny…Let me help you."

The offer of her hand extended; Johnny's eyes flicking from the proffered hand to her face and back again as if trying to figure out of here was any ulterior motive but there was none in those crystal blue eyes.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he'd given her a stiff nod before taking her hand.