#but all i seem to keep hearing from him is 'specific queer people were sometimes favoured/protected by those in power (priests+monarchs)'

[twig-tea]

Lady Boy Friend Is Getting Interesting (at ep 7/16)

Nobody should take this as an endorsement to watch the show, because I think it is really hard to watch for most people and for good reason (it's also hard for me to watch at points). But Lady Boy Friend the Series is doing some really interesting things, and I have to talk about it. It took several episodes before I could get the sense of the overarching plot but now that I do understand what it's doing I'm really curious about where it's going. Spoilers for plot points through to ep7 follow from here.

The core plot of this show is about a class of high school students. The main character is Jeedny, who shows up on the first day of what I think would be equivalent to North American high school (~Grade 10) out of the closet as kathoey, but all of the other kids who are kathoey don't trust her because they've all been out for years and already have their own cliques. So they treat her cattily (they also treat each other cattily, to be fair), and she responds badly by pranking them. She starts desperately grabbing for attention; first by trying to fit in, and when she's rejected, she tries for attention by standing out, and it's not taken well by her peers. Finally in this episode it got to a point where the other kathoeys in her grade have banded together across clique lines to ostracize Jeedny, and it all comes to a head when she finally admits that she's been shitty to them but that it was in response to being rejected in the first place. Everyone apologizes to her but says they'll just stay out of her business, and she's left alone again which is the opposite of what she wanted.

Meanwhile the boys in the class have their own drama. There is a playboy (Jet) who starts flirting with another boy (New) who is cautious but enjoying the attention. It takes a few episodes of concerted flirting to get through that Jet is seriously interested and not just teasing him, and New starts to believe that maybe this could be real. They have sex, and then Jet ghosts New. When New tries to confront him, Jet acts totally disinterested and says he's just not into him like that. New is heartbroken and Jet is clearly discomforted by that; when New starts emotionally distancing himself from Jet and showing disinterest, that discomforts Jet even more. Jet keeps trying to get New's attention back but New's not having it, and he calls Jet out on his bullshit. Jet's own friends also call him out on how his actions differ from his words and how he seems to be leading people on, both New and the girls he dates, and how uncool that is. Jet seems to be unable to leave New alone.

I appreciate that this series is wrestling with in-fighting, cliques, how difficult it can be to get past queer gatekeeping, and how we band together against what we see as a threat. I also love how it's getting in how isolating that can feel if you're on the other side of it, and how difficult it is to come at your queerness at a different age than your peers (even though Jeedny is still so young!). I love that this show has a plotline around "straight" fuckboys and the very real games they play. I appreciate that in the conflict between the kathoey characters, nobody is in the right.

We're only just about halfway through the series, and I still don't have a a sense of what the back half of the show is going to be about (it could all still fall apart), but for now, now that the first half has crystallized into a plot I'm enjoying it. Even when these characters are being awful to one another it feels very familiar and...comforting, in a way. Sometimes I miss being in queer spaces and need to hear people insult one another for five minutes and then offer to throw hands at any outsiders who so much as look at the person they were just insulting with their whole chest.

So why am I not shouting for people to go give this show a try? There is a lot of Thai humour (more specifically the brand of Thai humour that reminds me of older series like Make it Right and Diary of Tootsies) in this show that doesn't necessarily land well, because it's based in puns which just don't translate, fatphobia, colourism, toilet humour, sexual aggression against men as comedy, etc. There are parts that I find hard to watch, and parts that I find boring. There are some scenes that I just don't know what to do with, e.g. when one of the boys is asked to provide a sperm sample for their science class to look at under a microscope. The acting is very uneven, quality of the cinematography, colour grading, sound, and other production elements are low budget. The translation is also lacking, which makes watching all that much harder.

A lot of the comments on MDL are about how this show feels transphobic and I can see why they'd say that, especially in the early episodes. The kathoey characters can come across like caricatures rather than people, especially at first (some of this I chalk up to these characters being young and trying to establish their identities; this does also improve as the show goes on), and the joke seems to consistently be that none of them are attractive or likeable to the male characters (possibly also improving as the show goes on, we'll see). There are many ways in which it's not a good show. It is about the ways we can be terrible to each other even as it's also about how we can hold each other up, which is understandably not something people necessarily want to watch. I really struggled at first, and even as it's become more clear what the show is doing, there hasn't yet been enough of a turn to get fully away from the parts that are difficult, and I'm not expecting the show to ever fully stop being difficult for me at times (it would be unrealistic to expect this show to become something completely different from what it is).

But even with all of that, I'm tentatively excited by the themes it's exploring and wanted to share.

[lesbiansforboromir]

Okay... listen, hear me out... is Rings of Power really ‘de-queering’ or more ‘cishet normative’ than the text? Like I keep seeing these takes from people and it honestly baffles me like yes... the short haired male elves and the beardless dwarf women are some kind of GNC loss in comparison to other adaptations (for the elf hair anyway, not like we’ve ever had dwarf women on screen before) but like... are you going to tell me that Elrond and Durin’s relationship feels entirely heterosexual? That Celebrimbor’s whole shit feels entirely cis? That his remembering of Earendil sounds entirely platonic? That Poppy and Nori’s relationship has no interpretability into queerness? That whatever Isildur and Valandil have going on has no interpretability into queerness? That Miriel grabbing Galadriel’s face had no undertones to it? That Gil-Galad’s manner and dress and unmarried status is something no queer person can find meaning in? That those three evil wraith women weren’t visually queer coded? Yeah they were really made for the straight male gaze for sure. 

Like we have to be clear, the text only ever has queer interpretability, sometimes it seems very intended, but it is never stated unequivocally and during this specific era? Where is all this queerness that we’ve apparently lost from the text? Because Sauron is seducing Galadriel as well as Celebrimbor? Because Sauron isn’t a twink like everyone believes he should be? Sorry, I’m not going to lie, I far prefer the queer subtext be given to characters other than Sauron. Of course queer coded villains have their place in queer culture and Sauron has always been fandom interpreted this way which is fine and good, but I don’t think that means it’s unreasonable to not interpret him exactly as he is fandom-imagined, especially when there is so much other subtext around. And even then, is Charlie Vickers playing this straight? Alright, he has stubble and a slight northern accent, does that make queerness impossible to interpret within him? When he changes his body language on the fly from all masc to being all coy to being all languid and touchy? 

God forbid anyone say I am saying RoP is a queer friendly show, all I’m really saying is it has just as much queer-interpretability as the original text did and I suppose... jasdhkjasd I suppose! I just have never in my life expected any adaptation of Tolkien to even acknowledge queerness, let alone portray it within it’s characters (which is why the lesbian dwarves in Lord of the Rings Online are still so astounding and delightful for me to think about) so I’m not sure what anyone else was expecting. The show is actually far less straight than I thought it would be, if I’m being honest. 

[billowyy]

I know You Won't Go (ao3)

Ed & Izzy | 1.3k words | modern au where they come out to each other as teens

July 1993

Edward’s rug in his bedroom is filthy. There’s a lonely strand of dark, curly hair a few inches from his face and crumbs under his arm. He really needs to drag out the vacuum. Despite the rug, the hard floor digs into his back. He shifts a bit, but it only makes his shoulder blade hurt worse. 

Izzy is laying right next to him, though, close enough that their elbows are touching, so laying here on his dirty rug on his hard floor isn't exactly a hardship. 

They’re playing music from Edward’s stereo, both mostly silent except for the occasional comment about the current song. This is one of Edward’s favorite things to do with Izzy. They do a lot of things together, but this, just being close and listening to music, is at the top of the list. Edward shifts his gaze from his dirty rug to Izzy’s face when the current song—something from Siouxsie and the Banshees that he can’t remember the name of—ends and he hears Izzy take a deep breath.

Izzy’s exhale is shaky. Curious, Edward watches on as he takes another deep breath in and out before sitting up and reaching over for his backpack. 

“Okay. I’m going to play you a song and you can’t say anything until it’s over.” 

Edward doesn’t know what the shaky breaths were about. This is a normal game they play sometimes. Izzy plays new music, Edward has to stay silent through it, and then they talk about it. What’s he going to play that has him breathing like he’s about to give a presentation in front of the class? Why does this feel so serious?

Izzy’s hands hesitate for a second before he presses play, and then he lays back down next to Edward. Their elbows aren’t touching anymore and Edward is tempted to scooch over a tiny bit so that they are, but he resists. 

The song starts off with a nice drum beat. It gets Edward to relax a bit from wondering what’s up with Izzy and settle into the song. Then the singer starts singing. 

“Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock and roll queer bar.”

What? What is this?

“Don’t care about heterosexuality. ‘Cause that’s not what I wanna be.”

Oh. What is this? For a moment, Edward forgets that Izzy wanted to show him this specific song. Where did he find this? More importantly, who made this? He desperately wants to go out and find more of this music, especially when the song keeps going and the lyrics keep getting more gay. Then he looks at Izzy and remembers. 

He’s tense all over and staring intently at the ceiling. Edward knows what the shaky breaths were about now. He knows what Izzy is telling him with this song. It’s not exactly a surprise. He has wondered. The wondering was mostly his own gay, crush-addled brain thinking about whether or not Izzy liked boys—liked him. But Izzy hasn’t indicated he’s interested in anyone up to this point. They’ve confirmed to each other that they’re not homophobic, but outside of that they haven’t said much on the topic of homosexuality. 

But now Izzy is nervously playing him a song that’s talking about being gay and it’s very obvious what’s happening here.

It’s a short song, so it ends quickly and then Edward is asking, his voice soft and wondering, “Where did you find this?”

Izzy seems startled for a second, like he was expecting Edward to say something else. Edward doesn’t blame him. “The fucking music store, where do you think I found it?”

“I don’t know. It’s just—we’re allowed to do shit like this?” That wasn’t what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Izzy that he’s glad he’s coming out to him, comment more on that, but his mind can’t get off of how proudly gay that song was. People like him are out there making gay music that’s readily available for the public—if Izzy was able to get a copy from the music store.

“We?” Izzy asks, his voice small. He meets Edward’s eyes. They’re achingly hoping and careful.

Well, he knew he was going to come out to Izzy eventually. Looks like that time is now. Edward looks at Izzy’s waiting face. It’s the same face he saw in his English class at the beginning of last school year and almost immediately developed a crush on—nearly. His face is more open now. Not nearly as guarded. That crush has been one of the reasons he hasn’t felt the need to come out to Izzy. Telling him he’s gay touches just a bit too close to those feelings, and it’s not something he’s wanted to act on. The romantic feelings Edward has towards him have been lessening, so he’s not nearly as worried about it now. He’s barely thinking about it now. 

He nods. Izzy sucks in a quick breath and his eyes go wide. Edward adds, just for good measure, “I’m gay.” 

Izzy looks at him for a moment, then asks, “So what’d you think of the song?”

“I’m thinking that you don’t want to be heterosexual.”

He huffs out a laugh, “Yeah, the lyrics are quite literal.” 

Edward wants to lean over and give Izzy a hug. He looks so relieved, with his soft smile and eyes. He gives in to the temptation. He thinks they both need it. 

Rolling over, he snakes one arm under Izzy’s neck to grab his shoulder and wraps the other one around his waist. Izzy immediately hugs him back. 

“I’m queer, by the way,” Izzy says into his neck. “That’s the word I prefer.”

They pull back from each other and Edward props himself up on his side with his elbow, head resting in his hand.

“Okay,” he nods. 

“Okay,” Izzy smiles. It makes Edward smile, too, and he tucks his head down as he giggles a bit. 

Looking back at Izzy, he asks, “What the fuck did you just play me?” 

“Rock & Roll Queer Bar by Pansy Division.” 

“Are they a gay band? They sound like a gay band.”

Nodding, Izzy smirks, “Very gay. They have a song about sucking cock.” 

“No the fuck they don’t.” Edward shoves Izzy, who had propped himself up on his side too, causing him to fall back. He stays on his back, looking up at him. His shirt is riding up a bit, showing his belly, and the angle he’s at is making the ceiling light reflect in his earrings. 

“They do.” 

“You better fucking give me a copy of whatever it is you have.”

They talk about being queer for a while. Edward tells him how before this, the only people he had come out to were his mum and his therapist. 

“You’re the second person I’ve told. The first was the guy from the music store,” Izzy says.

The guy from the music store. Edward immediately knows who he’s talking about. 

“The cute one with the pink hair and piercings?” Edward is fucking fascinated by that guy. How did Izzy know him well enough to come out to him?

Izzy blushes. “Yeah, him. His name is Billy.”

Edward is still fascinated by there being a gay band out there and Izzy divulges that he has a lot more where that came from—mostly from Billy, as it turns out. Izzy became friends with him after Billy was working the register when he bought the Pansy Division tape. 

“Izzy,” Edward says. They’ve shifted to other music by this point and have moved to sitting against the side of the bed.

“Edward.” Izzy turns his head towards him. 

He leans over and wraps his arms around Izzy again, holding him to his chest. Again, Izzy immediately hugs back.

“Thank you for telling me.” 

Edward can feel him breathing into his neck and he closes his eyes. 

Izzy grabs the back of Edward’s shirt. “Thank you.”

[academicgangster]

There was more. Every single item on the list contained either a phenomenon or a turn of phrase I despise.

[beepboop358]

hey! i know theres been a lot of discussion of the leaks on twitter lately, and i ended up seeing another. they claimed that Mike tells El he loves her. I’ve tried to avoid leaks in case they’re true so i don’t get spoiled, but i’ve seen so many unintentionally at this point anyways 😭. i’m not sure whether i believe the leak or not. for reference, i ship byler. idk if mike would say it like in front of a bunch of people so he kinda tries to impress them? or if its more private. or if it even happens at all. i do think mike loves el, but not romantically, so maybe it’s something like that and was twisted by the leakers. what are your thoughts? have a great day :)))) - anon

hey anon!

I actually don't follow this twitter account so I don't really keep up with everything they post so I wasn't aware of this. As my general rule of thumb, I don't believe "leaks" that aren't provided with proof when they are posted, and we need to critically think about if the spoiler even has any possible truth to it, like if it fits with canon and the evidence in the show, because ultimately that is the most important clues we could get. I did venture over to twitter to see this one, and no proof was given. I understand this account supposedly gets tips that are sent in that they post, but we haven't seen any proof this claim is real, so I have no reason to believe it is objectively true. No proof or source or anything real was given. We shouldn't jump to any conclusions or blindly assume it must be true, but wait for it to be proved/disproved when the season comes out.

Personally, I don't believe this "leak". It seems very out of character for Mike. Let's think about it for a second. Mike couldn't tell Eleven he loves her in the blank makes you crazy scene, he actually expresses a lot of compulsive heterosexuality in that scene, and when he says it in the cabin, he looks regretful once El walks out, and ofc he doesn't want her to die looking for the flayed and he doesn't want to lose her again, because then he would feel guilt over her death AGAIN like he did in season 1 because she "died" trying to save everyone else. And when Eleven says she loves Mike at the end of season 3, he doesn't respond, his eyes are open when they kiss, and only Mike stands in front of an open closet, while El holds Will's teddy bear in between them. He has never said he loves her to her face, and he has never been able to, because he doesn't love her like that. Throughout those scenes we get some very obvious queer-coding that essentially debunks the supposed romance in those scenes.Understanding how these scenes were written tells us we are not going in a romantic direction with Mike and El in the coming seasons, so this "leak" doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

And let's not forget, these scenes where Mike tries to tell her he loves her, or El does tell him she loves him, were all relatively private. It's just mike & El in these scenes, or the party and them. Extras are not present and these scenes did not take place in crowded public spaces. I only mention this because I know this account has claimed they get their tips from extras sometimes, which makes me all the more distrusfull of this specific leak. It would be extremely out of character for Mike to EVER tell Eleven he loves her in a public crowded space where extras can hear or see. Scenes with extras are filmed all at once, so they wouldn't be on set when the scenes with extras are not being filmed, therefore there is no way they could have overhears/seen this scene when it was happening, ESPECIALLY with the amped covid protocols this season. The cast have talked about how strict protocols were when filming, and that they weren't even allowed to hug when they weren't filming and they were just hanging out, and Maya Hawke even said her brother was not allowed to come to set as just a pedestrian, so he had to apply to be an extra if he wanted to visit her at work, because they weren't allowing any non-essential persons to be on set.

So all of that leads me to think this "leak" is just not true and is just someone claiming it is true, when it's not. The account that posted this "leak", didn't even say a source it was from, like that they got it from the extras or anything. And as I have said in other posts, it is much less likely for crew members to leak because of those NDA's I previously went into detail about, although it does happen but when it does those leaks tend to be much more detailed and specific, and really do fit with canon, and they usually leave ships out of those leaks altogether.

But let's entertain the idea that this "leak" is true and it got twisted by the leakers, like you mentioned it could have anon. Mike does love El, just not romantically. I definitely agree with you on that! It may not necessarily be a romantic thing....I think it is very likely we may see a scene where Mike and El get some real closure on their relationship, and not just the teenage drama that will also come with it. This "leak" could be Mike telling El he loves her, but as a friend. Maybe something along the lines how he loves her, but not like that, or how he is supposed to. I think a scene like this would be wonderful for Mike's development and his storyline and it could also work to be how Eleven finds out Mike is gay, because she will have to know at some point. I would honestly be really happy to see a heart to heart between Mike and El like this!

Thanks for the ask! I hope you doing good and have a great day too! :)) <3

[space-city-traffic]

it’s time for another one of my patented Unnecessarily Long Silt Verses Metas! the subject of this one is: i just relistened to episode 4, because it’s probably my favorite episode in the whole series, and now i have just so many questions. so!

worldbuilding questions:

what is the generally accepted attitude toward queerness in-universe? i initially thought it was sort of a juno-steel-esque world where we assume everybody’s just chill with it. it’s never remarked upon that the farmer has a husband in ep3, and everyone respects Vaughn’s pronouns in the professional world. but this episode seems to trouble that a little, since Carpenter’s aromanticism is not understood or respected by Todd, as well as a whole line of other people. so what’s the overarching consensus?

how complex are prayer marks, on average? ive been picturing them as looking like the tsv logo. but in this episode, we learn that a prayer mark on the elk corpse is a triangle, three lines, and a circle. maybe prayer marks look more like those six figures on the internal hexagon of the logo?

do cell phones exist in the world of tsv?? it seems like Carpenter has no way of contacting Faulkner to get him to pick her up early. and toward the end, Charity asks Gareth if there’s a landline in the spooky house, implying that they would need it to call for help. also, in earlier episodes, we have our main two having to use a hotel pay phone to call Mason. so im realizing that cell phones probably aren’t common, at the very least.

(the discord server i’m in took that information, plus the fact that emails do exist as of episode 8, and suggested that tsv is just set in a really fucked up version of the 90’s complete with tracksuits and butterfly hair clips. do with that as you will.)

thematic questions:

there’s a lot of similarity between the way Carpenter describes the faith of Pendas’ Slake and the way she describes the Trawlerman. she describes the first snare she finds as “The wire is wound like a fishing lure,” she talks about the twin faces of the elk-saint in the same way as the twin faces of the Trawlerman, and she tells us that her blood from the chase “Runs like a river.” so uh what’s that about??? also, she was seeking for a river cult when she found this. which is clearly different, but has a lot of uncanny echoes. so what’s that about??????

this might not be intentional, but this episode is the first of two times we hear bridges associated with romance. Todd propositions Carpenter on a bridge, and in the next episode, Hayward rambles about a cult of romantic couples and locks on a bridge. not sure if there’s anything there, but if the motif keeps happening in the future, i may have to look a little closer.

do snare dogs count as saints or angels of Charity’s faith? the elk of birch and bone is clearly a saint, since that’s a transformation. but were the snare dogs once people, too? or are they like the crab dog sentinel that Faulkner describes as an angel in episode 8?

either way, it’s very interesting to me how differently Charity interacts with them. there’s a ton of fear in how Carpenter and Faulkner engage with saints of their faith, and the angel actively decks Faulkner the moment he fumbles the canvass. but the snare dogs are described as nuzzling around Charity in almost affection. not sure what the difference is, but it feels interesting.

thoughts on Carpenter’s faith:

she describes herself and her river as “lonely” over and over again. she’s the only one to describe it like that, everyone else sees it as full of creatures and life! but she can’t see that aspect of it, only the wrath and destruction—she can’t imagine it not being like her.

(that’s why it’s interesting that hope comes when she sees Faulkner and knows she’s not alone at the end—the line “I’ve been seen” says it all. not sure how she’s gonna reconcile that in the long run.)

there’s this banger of a line that she drops when she talks about Todd thinking that she rejected him because of her faith: “As if faith had anything to do with who I was. With what I wanted, and didn’t want, my life to become.” which, like. that’s specifically in reference to her aromanticism but also like. Carpenter that is a very loaded statement. can you imagine Faulkner saying something like that???

actually it’s interesting—Faulkner very much loses himself in his faith, whereas Carpenter keeps a very distinct handle on who she is and what she thinks and wants out of this whole deal. so her faith is very different, because she’s such an individualist, and sometimes her stubborn insistence on Her Way bumps up against what the organized cult says. her faith really doesn’t influence what she wants out of the world. it’s kinda the other way around.

she burns her copy of the Silt Verses at the end. you guys. she burns her holy book. while praying. what the fuck. that’s iconic. but also what the fuck.

stupid questions:

how tf is Carpenter walking in any episodes after this??? she twists her ankle until there’s a crunch, and there’s a chunk taken out of her leg???? ma’am you shouldn’t be able to stand on that for a WHILE that’s probably at least a second degree rolled ankle i fear for your ligaments

how tf does a jaw look like a snare. how. a snare is like a noose of wire. how does that WORK

Carpenter was a lure for the Trawlerman’s faith???? sorry??? reminder that lures are: “Sweet-faced young acolytes who are sent out into the world, to hand out the flowers, whisper kind enticements, and lead the faithless into the sacrificial grounds”?????? i can not imagine that went well for Grumpy McCrow over here

(actually... could that be related to Todd and his ilk only seeing her as what they wanted her to be, wanting to find their meaning in her? maybe she took advantage of people willfully misunderstanding her, just like she takes advantage of people telling her their life stories. hmm. someone write a fic.)

im severely asexual, but after listening to Carpenter’s voice and cadences this whole episode—is this what sexy means??? i think i finally understand what sexy means. bless.

[daisyachain]

hi!! i've been reading through your ao no flag liveblogs lately and they're really interesting! i enjoy seeing someone so passionate about this manga and it makes me want to reread it .... i'm really interested in hearing what you have to say about masumi's ending though!! part of me thinks it makes sense but i'm mostly conflicted on it and would love to see it from your perspective ^^

haha well thank you! ah yes, the arc that created as much controversy as you can get in an active readership of like 10 people...

Blue Flag is an imperfect story, but it also gets a lot of flack for things that a) didn't...actually...happen, b) didn't happen in the way people think they did.

Part 1: Is it actually straightwashing?

The most common criticism I see of Masumi's ending is that she was written as a lesbian character and straightwashed at the end. Marrying off a female character as a way to 'fix' her issues is a common and harmful trope, and saying that lesbian women just need to get a man is a widespread homophobic trope and talking point. So, it's not a good look. To have a character angst over interest in a woman and end up happily married to a guy reads like a '50s pulp novel that just uses f/f attraction for marketing.

But, if the intention of the ending was to show that Masumi should give up on women and force herself to date men, then it doesn't. Mitsuyuki's description of her is 'look at my bisexual wife who has dated both women and men and could also have married a woman', which is an odd choice if the intention was straightwashing. It feels more like a clumsy way to make sure that, in a series full of ambiguity, there could be no argument that Masumi was queer. That isn't to say that cisstraight people don't view bisexuality as less/better than/straighter than her being lesbian and that making a previously gay character bisexual isn't still straightwashing (increasing the appearance of straightness).

Part 2: Was it actually a retcon?

So: Masumi's ending reaffirms that she's a WLW. One question is, was she always meant to be bisexual, or was she originally written as lesbian?

Blue Flag doesn't have a lot of straight (no pun intended) answers. Taichi never expresses any explicit attraction to guys, but there is enough subtext to suggest he's attracted to Touma well before the finale. Futaba believes she is attracted to Touma at first and is shown to be attracted to him using the visual shorthand of manga (blushing, etc.), but she later says that it was just misinterpreted admiration. Mami doesn't want to date Touma or any man, but she implies that she is attracted to Touma when she says around him she was 'glad to be a woman.' Within the main romance, Futaba says that it was specifically because Taichi was a friend to her that she grew to like-like him. The lines between friendship and romance are blurred in Blue Flag, and sometimes romance can only grow out of friendship.

Masumi has a tense conversation with Taichi in the first half after she breaks up with her boyfriend that most people (me included) read as her saying that she tried guys and she just isn't and can't be attracted to them. However, it's Blue Flag, so the conversation is unfocused and doesn't paint a complete picture.

"Even if I get a boyfriend, I can never make it work"/"I don't know why [I don't like him anymore]" seem to imply that Masumi realized that she was feeling compulsory heterosexuality and that she will never like men. "[I don't know] why he like someone like me"/"You can be friends with potential sexual partners? With both guys and girls?"/"I just wanted to hear how you men feel about [a girl liking other girls]" seem to imply that Masumi is bisexual and is afraid to date because someone might find out. Maybe she's written as questioning--she knows she likes Futaba, but she's feeling out other possibilities. It's Blue Flag, so it's unclear.

Part 3: How does it work with Masumi's arc?

Diving further into Masumi's story, she acts as a foil to Touma (and Futaba, see later). Touma feels free to show his affection for Taichi as a friend as well as a love interest and almost confesses to him of his own free will, well before he's forced to. Touma tells her that he intends to try and set Taichi up with Futaba (because they would be good for each other), and also that he intends to pursue Taichi in some way. He tells her he's "not like [her]."

For Masumi's part, she tells Touma that she wants to express more affection for Futaba--not necessarily in a romantic way, just to participate more fully in that relationship--but she's afraid to, she doesn't feel confident enough to try, and that she's "the worst" because of it. We see this theme repeated, that Masumi is pessimistic, is afraid to trust people and hates herself for being afraid. Her conversations with Aki and Mami explore this; Aki tells her that it's not bad to be insecure or unready and that it's fine to keep a secret/stay closeted until she's ready, Mami tells her that she does have people she can trust, who care about her and who will do their best to understand her and help out. Why am I typing all this out? Because Masumi is a bitter, insecure wlw and that is an Established Trope, but her twist on it is that her negativity or bitterness isn't over her attraction to women/to Futaba or even over the reaction she might get from others (as Touma's is), it's over her own insecurity. Like Futaba, she's hesitant to act on her feelings, and like Futaba, she gets frustrated and hates herself for her own inaction.

All that is to say--Masumi is never shown to have a problem with her attraction to women. Her angst isn't gayngst, she's not ashamed of her feelings for Futaba bur rather her inability to express them. Her problems are with social attitudes and more with her own personal feelings--she and Touma face similar problems, but Touma is simply aware of the consequences (being roughed up and ostracised by a certain group of people) while Masumi feels a more generalized and ambiguous fear.

If Masumi were shown to have mixed feelings about her queerness/were shown to be in denial/were shown to be trying to move on from Futaba, then her ending would read more as straightwashing. As it is, there's nothing in her character and arc to say that she'd ever want to erase that part of herself or get rid of it, rather, she wishes she could embrace it but she just doesn't feel confident in doing it. Her ending shows her as an openly bisexual woman who is out to her friends and husband at the very least, which is a completion of her arc in the manga (of learning to trust other people and express her feelings honestly).

Part 4: What context clues does the rest of the series give us?

This is branching off a little from the strict text of Parts 1-3. As I've said, as we know, Blue Flag is 50% subtext and interpretation. Characters speak, but they don't say what they mean, characters think, but they're not always honest with themselves or in tune with reality. Mami is an ominous and antagonistic figure in the first half, but then it just turns out that Taichi was jumping to conclusions. Taichi is the main character and narrator, but we get radio silence from him for like 7 chapters after the climax. Taichi is bisexual, but the reader has to guess that from the way the art style shifts between PoVs, the similar panelling between Futaba and Touma's confessions, the things he does and does not think about Touma and how he feels about them. It's safe to say that there is room for speculation.

First, there is no explicit evidence that Taichi could be bisexual before ch 54. It's easy to tell that he is, but again, there's nothing specific. Some people reading Blue Flag have said that him marrying Touma was out of character, unforeshadowed, bizarre, inexplicable, etc. because their experienced is coloured by their own heterosexuality. Masumi is shown to have dated a guy and in saying she didn't like him "anymore," implied that she did like him. Her conflicted feelings over her bf could well have been foreshadowing her liking men as well, and my reading that as comphet could have just been my own experience colouring the text. Who knows! Taichi's bisexuality was intentional from the start but could be read as a last-minute twist, so why not Masumi's?

Second, Mitsuyuki is Futaba 2.0. Same colouring, same personality. This could feel like a way of saying "Masumi just needs to like guys instead," but to me it reads deeper with some of the trans subtext around Futaba. One of my issues with Blue Flag is that it doesn't go further into Futaba's admiration/envy for masculinity and her uncomfortable relationship with femininity. As a cis woman who wants to be buff and mildly masculine, I can understand why she's a cis girl throughout and I don't necessarily think that she was supposed to be a trans guy. However, her relationship with masculinity draws a parallel to Mitsuyuki. Reading Mitsuyuki as a cis man, he is the combination of Futaba's personality and looks with her 'ideal form.' So, Masumi marrying Mitsuyuki can read as Masumi marring Ascended FutabaTM.

Third, Futaba having a faceless prop husband is interesting in the context of Mitsuyuki getting a name and personality. Mitsuyuki = Futaba and Mr. Kuze is a blank space, so the reader is prompted to reduce the scenario and slot Masumi into that blank space. Given Masumi and Touma's history as foils, I'm inclined to think that Mitsuyuki exists to show the road not taken. Back at the fireworks, Touma tells Masumi that he hasn't given up on Taichi, and Masumi says she doesn't intend to pursue Futaba even though the pining is making her miserable. Given that Futaba reacts a lot better to the idea of Masumi liking her than Taichi reacts to the idea of Touma liking him, given that we see Masumi has successfully wooed male!Futaba, I think that Masumi's ending shows that she could have ended up with Futaba if she chose to pursue her. She didn't and she still got a happy ending where she is confident in her sexuality and unafraid to trust, but she could have also had a happy ending where she married Futaba. Mitsuyuki is a man because desire-for-masculinity is a key aspect of Futaba's character, and Mitsuyuki is a named character with a personality because KAITO wanted the reader to know that Masumi could have ended up with Futaba (as Touma ended up with Taichi).

Fourth, KAITO's notes on volume give us a few hints. He comments that there was remarkably little interference with his story and that he was able to tell it as he wanted, and that the ending was meant to be a "question" to the reader. The way I see it, Masumi's ending wasn't meant to say "maybe you'll be fixed if you get a man" but rather was meant to complement Taichi's ending and say "things happen in ways you might not expect, but that doesn't mean they're bad."

Fifth, Touma/Taichi ending up together shows us that the series is willing and able to show queerness as a good thing and a happy ending, so it's unlikely that Masumi was meant to come off as "actually she just needed a man" and more as "life can be unpredictable but you can always find happiness"

Summary

It's unclear whether Masumi was written as a bisexual woman or a lesbian woman or a questioning wlw

I personally read her as a lesbian and I wish that part of her character had gotten more exploration

Masumi's ending wraps up her arc (struggling to trust other people with her feelings in general and her queerness in particular) in a satisfying and logical way

Masumi being bisexual does not in any way negate or lessen her identity and experienes as a wlw, bisexual people still face external and internalized homophobia and all the associated issues

Masumi's bisexuality may well have been foreshadowed, but the execution makes it easier to read her as a lesbian, which makes her ending seem like a homophobic cop-out in the style of the Hays Code

Masumi's ending doesn't straightwash her and goes to unusual lengths to affirm her attraction to women

Masumi's ending seems to be written to contrast Touma's ending, showing that getting or not getting the love interest depends entirely on whether you choose to pursue them

It's unlikely that authorial intent was to straightwash Masumi

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?

[nonagesimus]

abominable (Sam/Paul ~1300 words)

(AO3 Link)

For all that Sam prayed, he didn’t like churches when they were filled with people.

He and Dean had stayed with Pastor Jim enough growing up that he’d spent a lot of time in church but a relatively small proportion when Mass was in service. Mostly when there were only a few people around, maybe praying in the pews, maybe lighting a candle. When it was quiet, and easy, and conversations had to be kept soft. Dean hated it, but Pastor Jim didn’t mind answering Sam’s questions, whether they were about monsters, the bible, or his homework, just as long as they didn’t interrupt the parishioners.

There was another priest at the church too, who Sam didn’t talk to much. Didn’t even know if the man knew about the true monsters in the world. He knew that his least favourite thing was Mass when the other man preached. They didn’t stay every time, if Jim wasn’t running the service sometimes he’d take them somewhere else, but when they did. Sat on hard wooden pews, unable to twist himself to sit comfortably, listening to a tirade against sinners.

Sam was thirteen and being bowled over by Bryce Turner during PE had set his heart pounding for reasons completely unrelated to the air being knocked out of him.

Three weeks later he was back in Minnesota listening to this absolute asshole quote Leviticus and- After, Jim seemed to realise something was off. He let Sam hole up in his office until the church was mostly empty again, the congregation finished with their conversations.

“Do you think it’s all true?” Sam asked. “God needs you to follow all those rules?” He couldn’t bring himself to specify.

The way Jim was looking at Sam made him think he might’ve guessed. “I think it’s doctrine,” he said. “And some people find doctrine helpful, but it was written by men. So it has all the same failures as men do.”

Sam let out a long, shaky breath. “Ok,” he said.

Gently, Jim said, “Is there a reason you’re asking?”

“No,” Sam said. Then, quieter, “I just worry. That there’s something wrong with me and-”

“Hey,” Jim says, gripping his shoulder, “Sam. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re the way God made you.”

Sam’s breath got shakier. Jim pulled him into a hug. Sam stayed there for a long time.

And it helped, that conversation. Became a touchstone. After, Jim always had something else to do on Sundays when the other priest was the one delivering the sermon. It wasn’t perfect. There was still plenty to give him that feeling like his skin was the wrong size. Like there was something fundamentally bad. Not just in church, plenty of other places too. But he breathed deep, thought about what Jim had told him. Kept moving. He tried, at Stanford. Plenty of places of worship around, but Sam never learned to like the services better.

Anyway. Turned out he’d had demon blood flowing through him ever since he was six months old, so maybe it wasn’t just the queer thing making him feel weird in churches.

By the time they were back in Blue Earth, Minnesota Sam was sure he had bigger sins to worry about. And it wasn’t like Pastor Jim was still around to comfort him.

“A wedding?” he asked, on edge from the fight, from dying a few scant days before, from kickstarting the damn apocalypse. “Seriously?” It was rude, for sure, luckily the only person who seemed to hear him was one of the soldiers - Paul.

“Yeah,” he said, a hint of a grimace like he agreed with Sam’s attitude. “We’ve had eight so far this week.”

It wasn’t Jim’s church. Still, Sam felt like he could breath easier once he was in the command centre in the basement, and then easier again once he was outside. It was Paul behind the bar - easy rapport with the rest of the soldiers, easy with Sam when he wandered over as well. In a different way.

“That round’s on me,” he said, with a wink and a half cocked smile.

It was warm, and it was recognisable, and it pulled at Sam’s gut. Worse as he turned back to Dean. It wasn’t- he hadn’t been hiding, but it wasn’t like he’d been picking up guys in every town, and they’d never had a conversation. Easy to miss. Idly, he wondered where coming out fell on the list of confessions he’d had to make to Dean over the years. Better or worse than being psychic, or sleeping with Ruby, or the demon blood.

He drank his beer in record time and watched where Paul was serving drinks at the other side of the bar.

It was Dean’s decision when to head back to the motel room, and Paul flipped him a salute when he looked back on his way.

They watched a kid die, and the mother spat the words, “This is your fault.” Dean looked stricken. Sam mentally added a tally to their list. The pluses and minuses. They’d save the town, they would, he had to believe they would, but how many would they lose along the way. Then the beginning of mourning got interrupted by a vision, because apparently angels were that kind of asshole too. A church full of desperate, scared people and they got a litany of rules. Drawing a line in a sand that was just a big circle keeping them penned in.

Sam wanted to tell them being chosen by angels usually wasn’t a good thing, but he held his tongue.

Besides, what was there to say? That he’d met angels, and most of them weren’t worth the effort of trying to impress? That, as far as they could tell, God was taking an extended sabbatical and didn’t care the apocalypse had started? Sam prayed for Dylan’s soul, but he couldn’t tell where faith ended and habit began.

Dean went back to the church, but Sam couldn’t deal with the people anymore so he slid into the tavern.

Paul leaned over the bar to meet him, and they talked, and it was all that warmth and recognition again. When Sam kissed him, Paul’s smile was slow and sweet as dripping honey and all he said was, “I should make sure everything’s cleaned up before curfew.”

Were the angels watching, he thought, as he flaunted the rules they’d laid down? And, sure, this particular set of rules from a soft-spoken midwestern preacher hadn’t said anything specific about ‘perverts’ but Sam had heard enough sermons in enough churches to read between the lines. Even if it mattered, it was far from the only thing damning him, and he won’t give this up, the warmth, the burn, Paul’s hand curled in his shirt as he tugged him behind the bar.

Dean asked where he’d been and he said, “Drinking,” with the taste of Paul still on his tongue.

Anyway, it wasn’t God, it wasn’t angels, it was just more demons, and it should have been obvious from the get go. Castiel was sitting beside him on the couch, still smelling strongly of whiskey, calling Sam an abomination like it was obvious, because it was. Dean’s eyes flickered to Sam like he was waiting for him to protest.

What could he say? The knees of his jeans were still damp because Paul had just finished mopping the floors when Sam sucked him off.

He still had demon blood in him.

He still dreamed about the devil.

Sitting sides pressed together on the bar floor, arms slung over each other - laughing and warm in the knowledge that there were still things that were good. They didn’t last forever, they didn’t even last long, but they were bright enough to dispel the darkness. Paul had turned his head and pressed his lips to the point of Sam’s jaw, then again an inch in, worked his way along to his mouth and kissed him properly.

It did not feel like sin. It did not feel like an act of rebellion. It felt like an act of reverence.

It felt divine.

[spaceskam]

a little follow up to this for @skrtl ❤️️

ao3

warning: literally just talking about mental health

Michael watched Alex through the open door of the bathroom.

As mentally drained as he felt, Alex’s bed was his sanctuary and watching him get ready from the safety of it was something too lovely to apply words too. It replaced all the bad thoughts in his mind if only for a moment.

Things between them were slow moving, but he didn’t mind. Alex was still going to therapy and Michael had decided to do the next best thing with joining AA and a queer support group. He had to hide some truths, but talking about things even in a slightly altered way helped. 

Maybe he couldn’t talk about Max dying, but he could talk about the shed. Maybe he couldn’t talk about being an alien, but he could talk about being different and having to hide. He could talk about being exposed to drugs and alcohol at a young age and using them to numb his mind to the abuse, even if he couldn’t be specific by saying acetone. He hadn’t even realized how fucked up he still was over his childhood until he had to talk about it.

Alex was proud of him though. That was nice.

Alex moved towards the bed slowly, leaning heavily on his crutches with the weight of the bullshit on his mind. Today was his first day back to work because apparently even a mental break could be swept under Uncle Sam’s stripes-and-stars rug if he needed you enough. And Alex was needed.

“Show me you can handle it,” his superior had said, “And we’ll talk about a promotion.” Even Michael couldn’t deny that Major Alexander Manes had a nice ring to it.

Michael made space for Alex to fall into bed and felt a smile tug at his lips as Alex fell face forward into the pillow. His eyes dragged over Alex’s bare back and visibly saw his muscles relaxing out of sheer force of will. The dip of his back led to the hem of slightly-tattered Air Force sweats that he hadn’t even bothered to tie off beneath his leg. Cautiously, Michael reached out and tucked his hair behind his ear, revealing Alex’s eye that was peeking out from the pillow.

“Hi,” Michael said, voice hoarse for no reason. He cleared his throat and Alex shifted slightly to face him.

“Hi,” he said back, “How was your day?”

“Long.”

“Same.”

Michael ran his fingers through his hair again, trying to get his fix of feeling it because he knew he would probably be forced to get it all chopped off soon. Alex yawned, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. When his eyes watered in response, Michael wiped those not-quite tears away too.

“How was it?” Michael asked, eager to hear more. The one thing they both were having to work on was not only making sure they themselves talked, but making sure the other person talked. Sometimes it seemed like poking a bear, but it was always worth it. Communication was key or some shit.

“Well, most of it was the Colonel making me follow him around all day. He basically wants to babysit me until he’s sure I can handle it or whatever,” Alex explained. Michael furrowed his eyebrows.

“But didn’t the General say you were good to go?” Michael asked. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but there’s talk that I only passed the psych eval because he pulled some strings. Which isn’t that much of a stretch, I get it. But I’d rather not be babysat,” he said. Michael understood that more than a little.

“Tell him to fuck off.”

Alex huffed a laugh, “Guerin, he’s my superior, I can’t do that.”

“See, this is why I could never be in the military,” Michael stated. Alex shook his head.

“There’s a lot of reasons why a lot of people couldn’t or shouldn’t join the military. I mean, the whole system is fucked so that’s why we have people that shouldn’t be there, but I’m lucky. I’m in a position where my worst situation is being babysat by some white guy who thinks he’s better than me,” Alex said, shrugging slightly, “Could be worse.”

“I guess,” Michael sighed, “I just still don’t get why they want you to stick around so bad.” Alex gave him a small smile and then tapped his temple.

“Got my dad’s secrets and the General knows that,” he said softly, “There’s a good chance if I try to get out, something bad would happen to make sure I keep my mouth shut.”

Michael’s stomach dropped and his body tensed. Alex had said the words so nonchalantly, but they didn’t feel nonchalant.

“Alex, that’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t a joke,” Alex huffed a laugh despite it not being funny, “Wouldn’t be the first guy to mysteriously go missing because they knew too much.”

Michael kept staring at him and tried to find the best way to explain how much destruction he would cause if that happened. It did, however, successfully distract him from his own personal stress of the day. Alex disappearing was the most terrifying thing in the world. Especially now when they were getting better. 

“Okay, throwing that topic away, I’m not being serious,” Alex said, but Michael could hear that it was nothing more than a comforting lie. Still, he let Alex scoot closer and tap him on the nose to lighten the mood. “Tell me about your day.”

“Um,” Michael said, trying to think about anything but the shitty situation Alex was stuck in, “I was talking to, uh, my sponsor at AA and she asked if I wanted to come to this all boy’s group home and talk.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, when I said that I didn’t really have a success story to tell, she said was like, ‘what the fuck are you talking about, you have a job and a place to live, that’s a success story’ and, I don’t know, made me feel weird,” Michael admitted. Alex smiled.

“I don’t know her, but I like her,” he said. Michael rolled his eyes, but his smile matched Alex’s.

“Yeah, she was saying it would also probably help me because those kids get what I went through specifically,” he said, “I just feel stupid for having so many different issues that need so many specific things.”

“I get that, I felt like that too,” Alex explained, “My therapist back when I was admitted said that they tend to go hand in hand, though, which is just a shitty thing that happens. Like it’s all your life and so things are going to be intertwined and so if one big bad thing happens, there’s probably something else that’s bad that fucks you up that only happened because of the bad thing that happened before. It’s a big cycle that you have to break even if you didn’t start it.”

“So basically I’m fucked.”

“No,” Alex laughed, “We just got dealt shitty hands, but we’re not alone in it. You’re not the only person that has dealt with all of these things. Statistically impossible.”

“I’m probably the only one who dealt with all of those things while also being an alien.”

“You don’t know that either,” Alex said boldly. Michael took a deep breath and nodded.

“So what I’m hearing is you think I should go talk to those kids,” Michael said. Alex nodded with that sweet little smile.

“It’d be good for you.”

“Maybe,” Michael agreed, staring at him for a few seconds longer. He was so pretty. “Positive thing. Go.”

Alex snorted and rolled his eyes, but scooted closer because he could. They were almost nose to nose. For a moment, Michael thought about kissing him. Then he quickly threw that thought in the trash because they still had a long way to go before they did something more than just sharing a bed for comfort.

“Um,” Alex hummed, his fingers reaching out and tapping a little rhythm against Michael’s hip over the blanket, “Oh, you know what, Kyle and Forrest brought me lunch. Did you know they’re, like, weirdly good friends now? Anyway, it was from that new sushi place downtown. It was pretty good, we’ll have to go there sometime.”

“Yeah, we should,” Michael agreed even though he never really had sushi before with the exception of that one time Isobel force fed him sushi and he threw it up in the parking lot of the Wild Pony. But he would eat sushi again if Alex liked it.

“Your turn, positive thing.”

“Uh,” he said, taking a deep breath, “I don’t know. Does that one lady who comes all the time because she drives for Uber and always brings me coffee coming with coffee count?”

“Did it make you happy?”

“Yeah.”

“Then of course it counts.”

“Okay, then her.”

“Was it good coffee?” Alex prodded. Michael offered a little laugh.

“Yeah, it was good,” he said. Alex hummed sweetly, leaning in just a bit to bump their noses together which gave Michael more dopamine than he could actually comprehend. “But I think my main positive thing is right now, being with you.” Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m serious.”

“You keep complimenting me and I might start thinking you like me,” Alex teased. Michael laughed softly and just smiled at this man who he really didn’t feel like he deserved. Which, in itself, was a problem. He did deserve Alex. As long as he was trying to get better and be better for him, he deserved him. Thinking he didn’t would only lead to bad things. “We need to go to sleep, I’ve gotta get up early.”

“Okay,” Michael complied, still feeling much better than he had for most of the day just being with him.

Alex moved up to kiss his forehead and Michael flicked off the lights with his telekinesis.

“Goodnight, Alex.”

“Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

And, still, he pulled him close and held him until he could fall asleep.

[girlsbtrs]

An Interview with PLEXXAGLASS

Written by Olivia Khiel. Graphic by James N Grey. 

Non-binary dark pop artist PLEXXAGLASS has found their identity and carved out their own space in the music world. With the pandemic putting things on hold, they took to TikTok, reaching a new community of queer fans to connect with through songs like “Liar” and “Lilith” (the latter produced by Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda). GBTRS spoke with Plexxaglass about collaborating with Shinoda, their gender identity journey and what they hope listeners will connect with in their music.

Girls Behind the Rock Show: Now that you have more music out, how would you describe the evolution of your sound from when you started to where you are now?

Plexxaglass: I love that question. Because it's kind of funny- I feel like I made a little bit of a circle. I say that because the first two songs that I put out- "Lament en Route" and "Liar"- they're pretty similar sonically to the songs that I'm putting out. So much so that I'm actually going to include those songs on the LP that I'll be releasing, tentatively in October. There's an interesting little gap between those first two songs, and then I put out three other songs that was like my experimental phase. I'm always having fun, but I was trying some different things. I'm happy that I did that and there were two music videos that came out of that cycle or phase. Those songs are "Dead-Eyed Monsters" and "Ana Thema". But I feel like I found my way back to what I found initially, which is really interesting and fun to realize now.

GBTRS: What's the story behind your latest singles? What was it like collaborating with Mike Shinoda on "Lilith"?

Plexxaglass: "Lilith" was a half-finished song honestly- maybe even a quarter-finished song when I even got in touch with Mike. That happened so serendipitously-I had a listener who was also a regular viewer of my Twitch channel and a huge Linkin Park and Shinoda fan in general who hit me up on Instagram and was like, 'Mike Shinoda is producing independent artists' tracks, you should totally submit'. 

I submitted what I had of "Lilith" at the time, which was only a verse and the hook. It was a song that I loved and I knew that I wanted to be finished. I'm not one of those musicians that can just be like, 'alright, I'm gonna write a song today'. I really have to be called by the Muses or some shit. I have to be very inspired. But when Mike reached out to me, that was incentive and inspiration enough. I think when I was sitting down to finish it, I finished in maybe 20 minutes. That's just how it happens sometimes. When it's there, it's there and I finish songs really quickly. The process of working with Mike was amazing, and him and his team told me in the beginning that it was going to be pretty hands off on my part. I knew going in that I was gonna have to take it or leave it, which was sort of scary. I was like, oh shit, what if I don't like it? Am I gonna have to tell Mike Shinoda that I don't want to release the work that he did on my track? Oh my god, that's so scary. But no, of course, he's just so versatile. He really is a musician's musician, and he just gets music in general- doesn't matter what genre it is. I believe my song is the one that he finished the fastest, which is very flattering. It made me feel like it was just very ready. He didn't really have to do too much to it. It was a really, really cool experience that I just will cherish forever and ever and ever.

GBTRS: The song came out beautifully so it's great that things worked out so well.

Plexxaglass: Yeah! And the inspiration behind that one- I wrote it out of a fascination with the second season of The Handmaid's Tale. I found that dynamic so fascinating. I find women or femme-presenting people who [are] in a marginalized group who buys into very oppressive religious practices horrifying and fascinating at the same time. That was the inspiration behind writing that and really sitting with wondering if there's ever an awakening with those people. That was really the basis for that whole song.

GBTRS: You've gotten to collab with Mike Shinoda, but is there anyone else on your list that you'd love to be in the studio with in the future?

Plexxaglass: Oh god, yeah. So many. Right off the top of my head...I love Bishop Briggs, I love Dermot Kennedy, Bon Iver, Annie from St. Vincent, Florence Welch. Those are the big ones. I would die happy if I ever got to collaborate with any of them. That would be amazing.

GBTRS: What else do you find yourself drawing inspiration from these days?

Plexxaglass: Up until this point, it's been very autobiographical. It's been very much things that have happened in my life. I am trying to get away from that because I'm somebody who writes more somber music. I have some anthemic stuff that's more uplifting, but it is dark pop. I am at a point in my life where I'm generally- I'm mentally ill- but I'm generally a happy person. There's not a lot of dramatic tragedy going on in my life at 30 anymore. I'm trying to write a little more abstractly these days, but the themes that seem to always reoccur are very social justice motivated. Writing about mental illness and mental health are all themes that I tend to write about over and over again in different ways.

GBTRS: You've been very vocal and open about your gender identity and that's very important to so many people who are looking to find themselves in the people that they listen to. Do you have any advice for people who are struggling with that, or even advice for creatives who are in the industry who are working through that as well? 

Plexxaglass: So my coming out as non-binary is still honestly pretty new. I came out publicly about it a little over a year ago. It's something that I always knew, but growing up we just didn't have the language for it. I didn't really know why I felt so out of place and that it felt like such a struggle to present as feminine as possible so as not to feel like I was an outsider. I spent many years trying very hard to conform. 

I think a lot of it was literature that talked about neo-pronouns [that] was something that happened for me that was really an eye-opener. I knew at that point that there were people who used they/them pronouns [and] identified as non-binary, but for some reason, it didn't really click until a book called Black Sun. They have a character that uses neo-pronouns. It just really slapped me in the face. 

I'm really lucky. My friends and family have been almost apathetic about it- like 'that totally makes sense'. The other thing that really helped me was honestly TikTok as well. There is a large trans and non-binary community on TikTok. That was where I really found community, because it was scary to me, because I have conformed for so long. Being a woman was something that I made a very clear part of my identity for so long, that I was scared to lose that community.

I would just say to anyone who is afraid of that: anyone who doesn't still want to welcome you in their space isn't a person you want in your life anyway. I've been lucky that I haven't really had a lot of that. It was a struggle to let go of that. After I came out publicly, I was looking through my closet and I have all of these shirts that say Girl Club and Badass Woman [and] all of these because I was trying so hard. It was difficult to let go of that and come to terms with the fact that it really never was me- it was a mask that I was putting on to feel included and normal.

GBTRS: Do you have a song in your catalog that particularly resonates with you?

Plexxaglass: There's a song that's coming out in August. It's the last single off of this record [and] it's called "Tall". It is about being a trauma survivor- my trauma- and just a rallying cry for trauma survivors in general. I have put out little teasers of it on TikTok and it does seem like it's really resonating with people, which is very exciting. But out of the catalog of songs that I have out currently, the song "Liar"...it's kind of similar in tone. I wrote it after I was diagnosed Bipolar II. It's a song that's very clearly about mental health struggles and I think anyone who does struggle with depression really does relate to that song. That song was the one that really gifted me listeners from TikTok. So that's a song I'll always cherish for many, many reasons, but it has definitely brought me my little music family.

GBTRS: Now that you're starting to connect even more with your listeners, is there anything specific that you hope people take away from your music when they hear you for the first time?

Plexxaglass: I think, like most people, I wanted to create a little community, and I do feel like I'm finally getting to a point where I'm doing that with my music and connecting people and their experiences. 

GBTRS: Now that things are starting to move forward, what's coming up for you?

Plexxaglass: I want to get back to playing shows. I definitely want to pair a show with the release of the record, so I'm hoping I'm going to book some shows for the fall. Get back into rehearsals with a band and get that going and just keep writing and coming up with new material for the next wave of music.

GBTRS: Is there anything else that you want people to know about you or your music, or is there anything that you wish you got to talk about more that you might not get asked?

Plexxaglass: Wow, good question. I think a lot of people don't realize that musicians- especially independent artists- this is this is our small business. It takes a lot of work, obviously, it takes talent and patience, but it takes money. That's why they're there are gaps in time of when I put music out, because sometimes I just legitimately can't afford to- which is sad, I wish that the US had more support for artists like I know other countries do- I know that the UK is really good about grant opportunities for their artists out there. 

I know that people are happy to consume music, but I think people don't realize- especially in the independent side of things- how hard it is to be a musician who's trying to make it in this country. I appreciate everyone who has ever just randomly sent me like $2 on PayPal. It means so much to me because it means that they get that and I think that is something really special and cool about the family that I'm building with my music because they think that they really see me and they appreciate the work. It's people who genuinely want to be involved in my work, and that is something I've never experienced before until the past year or two. That's awesome because myself and my producer, Kevin...we love this project to death. It's awesome to see response from people who love it just as much as we do.

[benisasoftboi]

Unorganised thoughts on the Netflix Babysitters Club reboot:

Before you scroll past this, people who don’t care about BSC - I really, really recommend this show to any little girls in your life (or boys! But girls primarily). It’s good and wholesome and full of positive messages and I know I would have enjoyed it. I don’t really recommend it on its own to adults who don’t have nostalgia for the books - but you’d probably have a nice time watching it with a kid

So yeah! I really liked it

The casting was very well done - the moment Stacy showed up I was like, that is Stacy McGill, how did they pull her out of a book??? Everyone else looks pretty different to how I always imagined (no one more so than Dawn, for obvious reasons. I approve of the change though, adds some diversity, and she always looked too similar to Stacy anyway), but they embody their characters so perfectly

Well actually, from what little we’ve seen of Mallory, she’s pretty different in temperament. That’s okay, though, book Mal always made me sad

Marc Evan Jackson as Mary Anne’s dad, oh my god, I clapped. Perfect choice, I love him. The Queer Eye bit. Amazing

So we’ve got a lot of social issues covered

Though I do find it really funny that people are like ‘of course it’s talking about trans rights and feminism and internment camps, BSC always covered that kind of thing’ - I’m not sure if it’s nostalgia or narrative convenience that’s causing people to leave out the fact that while yes, they did talk about this stuff, they almost never did it well

Tell me you can go and read Kristy and the Secret of Susan (Very Special Autism Book) without cringing. Tell me 

But I think the show does it pretty well? Though there is that weird kid media thing where they’ll very explicitly talk about trans people, but won’t ever say the word (used to be the same with gay, that seems to be changing though). Anyone know why that is?

Claudia and Janine discussing internment camps was also really powerful. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who cried a little

Speaking of Janine, I’m glad she actually is kind of bitchy in this iteration. She never really seemed to deserve the ire she got in the books, they’re all so mean about this girl basically just because she’s smart 

And on the topic of improved characters, GOD do I like show Karen, they took that unbearable little girl and made her absolutely hilarious. Probably helps that Watson isn’t such a terrible father in this iteration

Which he is, in the books. I love Kristy snarking on Watson having his kids so rarely and still hiring babysitters all the time, because I don’t think there is a weekend in the books where he isn’t hiring the BSC. Feel like that might have been a meta joke

Also really liked that the Brewers’ neighbour actually is a witch, in the religious/spiritual sense. Don’t think I’ve ever seen those practices portrayed positively on a kids show. I’m struggling to think of adult shows

Kristy gets a bit more depth here, with a issues with her dad given more spotlight. She could be a really unlikeable character in the books sometimes (I’m all for strong, confident little girls, but not when it reaches the tyrannical levels book Kristy sometimes did - pretty sure there were some books where the other girls were portrayed as genuinely scared of her). Expanding Kristy a little and having her show remorse for her worse behaviour is good for her character  

Also liked that Claudia is just not academically minded, rather than dumb as a brick like she was in the books (’Me just fin’ - actual quote from a ‘letter’ she wrote to her parents in one book)

I love that, in great BSC tradition, every problem in this show can be solved by adding some plucky thirteen year olds. None more so than the camp episodes, which have the girls point out that the counsellors are doing a bad job, so the director’s like... fine, you can be CITs, rather than doing the sensible thing and reprimanding her employees. (You know she just gave them the title to shut them up and offered them zero actual responsibilities beyond token gestures. Or at least, I hope. They’re children)

Notice how all teens are villains that cannot take care of children? Like, the BSA and the counsellors were right, older people are better equipped to look after little kids. The BSC would have had no legs to stand on if those specific teens hadn’t conveniently turned out to suck

(I know that BSC is wish fulfillment for little girls, these are not real complaints, lol. Just adult snarking)

Though WTF parents of Stoneybrook who were planning on continuing to use a service that sent around a video of a little girl having a seizure???

There’s a moment where Lane speaks derisively of Cats the musical and Mary Anne laughs, which I call BULLSHIT on because Mary Anne canonically loves Cats, and I remember this because there’s a book where she and Logan decide to dress up in Cats-inspired costumes for Halloween 

Yeah, that’s right, a heterosexual thirteen year old boy willing dressed up as the Rum Tum Tugger. Like, Mary Anne, honey... 

Mary Anne and Logan were totally each other’s beards, on an unconscious level

Liked that the final shot was recreating a book cover. That was really cute 

So yeah, this a great adaptation - updates the references while keeping the original feel, and uses the cast well. I’m very happy! 

[dontgotothenetherworld]

I loved your latest Nick fic! I had this idea from Perfect that some of the lyrics fit him and the reader as his best friend while they’re crushing but scared to admit it. Like “sometimes is never quite enough” because he always wants to see her and “how long before you screw it up? and how many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?” because he feels like he always screws up a chance to tell her how he feels but he keeps trying until he gets it right. If the idea is too specific that’s fine!

perfect

honestly, anon, you should be the one writing this, this is a really good idea. but i’ve already written it so..

i used four lyrics from the song! they’re from the beginning part, because they seemed like the only ones that could possibly be fit into a romantic context! i tried my best to make them direct quotes, but some have added words because the perspective of this song is kind of weird

1898 words

cw: femreader.

nick stared at his phone screen. it went black, from inactivity.

he turned it back on, to see your text. it was simple, just a few hearts.

but nick couldn’t handle it. his brain flashed memories from the past few months with you. everytime he had tried to ask you out, to be more precise. tried and failed.

he had tried so many times to work up the courage. he tried so many times to just say the right words. but now he was running out of time.

it was your senior year. nick had gotten into harvard, and you had gotten into ucla. you were leaving each other. and these months were the last chance he would get to finally just say the words. the three little words.

and, hey! there were no consequences, right? earlier, nick was terrified that he would screw up your friendship, but you were moving away. and people stop being friends when they move away. it doesn’t have to be that way, but if nick did screw up the whole relationship, then at least the two of you wouldn’t have to be near each other, and have that as a constant reminder.

so now there was literally nothing that could go wrong, but nick was just so scared.

he was paralyzed. a single tear fell down his cheek. suddenly, an idea stuck him.

he took a deep breath, as he began to formulate. he would write a letter to you. he didn’t have to give it to you, he just needed to get all of the words he wanted to say out.

maybe he would give it to you. maybe he didn’t want to have to see your face when he told you all his pent up emotions. but maybe he did.

if you reciprocate the feelings, he wanted to watch you react. but you might not. you probably don’t, and so nick should give you the letter. that way you can let him down easily, without the harshness of an initial reaction.

nick flattened a piece of lined paper on his desk. he picked up the pen you gave him. it was years ago now, but this would be the first time he’d ever used it. it was for special occasions. and this was definitely special.

”dear y/n,” he began. “i am in love with you. i’ve been in love with you since we were sophomores. do you remember homecoming? at the end of the night, when everyone found new energy as the final song started up, you told me something. you probably didn’t put much thought into it, but i think about it nearly everyday. you told me that i’m perfect. do you remember that? it caught me off guard. we hadn’t been talking, just laughing at nothing and dancing, and you told me that i’m perfect. and then when the song ended, you hugged me. i think that’s when i realized i had feelings for you. romantic ones, that is.

”i don’t know when it happened, but sometime last year i really fell in love with you. maybe it was seeing you with paint all over your face, after we got distracted from making posters. or maybe it was on facetime, when you let me rant to you for the thousandth time about how stressed i always am. but i think it was when you held my hand during the scary part of some cheesy horror movie that i can’t remember the name of.

”and after i fell, i realized that sometimes is never quite enough. i couldn’t just be with you sometimes, i had to be with you every chance that i could. so if it seemed like i was just making up reasons to hang out with you, i was. i hope you don’t mind.

”yet being with you constantly turned out to stab me in the back. do you remember gabe? godlike gabe is how i thought of him. you put him on such a pedestal. you thought he was so incredible, so perfect. perfect body, perfect grades, and he always had the perfect thing to say. he had no flaws. and i know you never meant for it to impact me the way it did, but everytime you mentioned him, it was like you were just stabbing a dagger through my heart. a dagger engraved with the words, “if you’re flawless, then you’ll win my love.” and all i saw were my flaws, and i felt like they were on full display to you, so you could never love me.

”and i couldn’t tell you about how this made me feel, not if i wanted to keep my love for you a secret. so, i told you about other things. my family, the stress that they put me under. your family is much different than mine, so you didn’t really know what to say, but you did tell me “don’t forget to keep that smile on your face” when you tricked me into laughing at your horrible puns, and that helped. you told me that my smile was cute, so i tried to smile more when i was around you. and then you would smile, and i’d forget about all my flaws.”

nick put his pen down. he hadn’t said everything he wanted to yet, but needed a moment to regain himself. he didn’t want to deliver a letter stained with tears to you. he leaned back in his chair, thinking of what he had left.

with a deep breath, he began again, “i would sometimes wonder how long it would be before i screwed it up. how long before i said something stupid, like “i love you.” so i guess this is that time. i’ve waited to tell you, because you are the best friend i’ve ever had, and i don’t want to lose you. but i can’t be just friends with you. i have tried, but i need to tell you i love you. if you don’t have feelings for me, that’s fine. i waited to tell you until our graduation, when we’re going to be on opposite sides of the country, so that if you don’t feel the same, our parting will be more natural. if you don’t, i would still like to be friends with you, but not right away.

”y/n, i know you better than i know myself. you are going to succeed at whatever you put your mind to. california doesn’t know what’s coming.

”love, nick.”

nick read over his letter. “this is shit.” he muttered to himself. it was like he had written a fucking essay on you. that’s not how you tell someone you love them.

he read his words once more. he decided he wasn’t going to use it. he would just tell you in person, maybe hitting on the point he had made in the letter. it’d seem less awkward and rigid than this.

yet, he tucked the letter into an envelope, and put it in an often unused pocket of his backpack.

he tried to forget about it, and go to sleep. but it was a restless sleep. every time he glanced at the clock, convinced that hours had passed, only a minute had.

when he finally gave up on a restful sleep, he dragged himself out of bed, the only solace being a cup of coffee.

finals, his last finals of high school, were coming up soon. and instead of studying, he had written a shitty fucking love letter to a girl that would never see him as more than a friend. he completely checked out when his family began talking. talking in their incessantly loud voices, about mundane topics.

his sister, frankie asked him something. not wanting to seem like he wasn’t paying attention, he said, “uh yeah, sure. sounds great.” and frankie gave him a hug. which was weird, but nick didn’t have mental energy to question it.

later that day, after the final bell rang and frankie hopped into nick’s car, frankie said, “you’re welcome.”

nick furrowed his eyebrows. “you’re welcome what?”

frankie rolled her eyes. “for being the best little sister ever, obviously.”

the look on nick’s face was not amused. “what did you do.”

”well, you know how you told me you wanted me to give that letter to y/n this morning?”

nick’s heart rate picked up. the letter. “i didn’t say that.”

”well, i remember you did, and i already gave it to y/n. so you’re welcome.”

”what?” nick screamed. the car suddenly felt so small, the windows closing in on him.

”this morning, i asked you if you wanted me to give the letter to y/n, and you said that that sounded like a great idea, i don’t see why you’re freaking out right now. can you hurry up and drive us home? i have loads of physics homework that i need to get to.”

the world seemed to rotate around nick. “frankie, i was half asleep, was that not obvious? and why did you have my letter in the first place? did you got through my backpack again? you need to stop doing that!”

frankie shrunk into her seat. “sorry. but you shouldn’t agree to things you don’t hear.”

”you are not going to blame me for this!” nick took out his phone, and quickly sent you a text, “hey did frankie give you a letter today? have you read it yet? if you haven’t, do you mind waiting until after graduation to read it? please no follow up questions about the letter’s contents if you have not read it.”

nick then threw his phone into the backseat, and began pulling out of the school parking lot.

”so what was in the letter? did you finally confess your love to y/n?” asked frankie.

nick’s face flushed, and he didn’t reply.

taking his silence as an answer, frankie said, “well good for you, then. and hey, with y/n’s dna, you have a 50/50 chance of making cute babies.”

nick continued to ignore frankie’s comments all the way home.

”do you think y/n will still want to be friends with me, even when we’re no longer sister-in-laws, and she’s on her second husband? or wife? or spouse? is y/n queer?” frankie gasped, “maybe i could be her second wife!”

”get out.” nick said, pulling into the driveway.

”i have the kindest brother.” she said with sarcasm dripping from her voice.

nick sneered at her.

after he parked his car, he took a deep breath and picked up his phone. NUMBER texts from you. “yeah, frankie like ran up to me in the middle of the hallway. that was weird.”, “i haven’t had time to read it yet, why is it bad?”, “wait, ignore that question. i will conveniently forget the letter’s existence until after we’ve graduated

”yes, please forget about it for the next two weeks. wait no, less than two weeks. frankie wasn’t supposed to give that to you, sorry.” he sent back.

”give what to me? ha ha…”

”please don’t remind me that graduation is that soon ugh.” you double texted.

”i know :(“ nick sent.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi

[kurt-nightcrawler]

Homecoming

Warren Worthington III x Male Reader

You like Warren. You want to ask him to homecoming. He might be straight...

Warnings: language, that’s about it

Word Count: 2.2k

“Do you think this is all too much? What if he gets mad and says no?”

“Why would Warren get mad about you asking him to homecoming?” Jubilee asked, throwing groceries in the shopping cart.

“I mean the whole like, proposal thing… It’s a bit much… We’re not even a thing…”

Jubilee rolled her eyes and lazily pushed the cart forward. “We need baby carrots, regular carrots, kale, broccoli, and peppers.” You grabbed everything she listed off and set them in the cart. “Didn’t you guys kiss one time?”

“Yeah, at a bonfire party during a game of spin the bottle.”

“Did he protest about having to kiss you?”

“No.”

“Did he seem into it?”

“I don’t know. Everyone was watching us, plus it lasted for like, three seconds.”

She shrugged, “You should ask him to homecoming. He’s probably into you.”

“He’s probably not. It’s like straight girls… Super close and touchy and complimenting each other to the point where you can’t even figure out if they like girls or not.”

Jubilee squinted her eyes, “Has he done any of that?”

“No, but we kissed so…”

“God, you are a lost cause.”

You jokingly scoffed, “Says you! Ms. Lonesome Lesbian!”

Jubilee hit your arm. “Don’t call me out like that!”

-

You carried as many bags as you could to the kitchen, with Jubilee carrying some more.

“Who needs to train when it’s your turn to get the groceries?” you joked. Jubilee laughed in agreement.

You set your bags on the countertop, resulting in a loud thud.

“Hey, do you guys need help?” Warren asked.

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Maybe it’s because you were nervous about fucking up your friendship. Maybe it’s because you had a teeny weeny, itsy, bitsy, ginormous crush on him.

It was probably both.

Yeah— you decided as he flexed his biceps by carrying the remaining grocery bags— it was definitely both.

You got so close to telling him— asking him, multiple times, but you never did.

First off, your mind always railed off all the evidence telling you he was 100% straight— his crush he used to have on Jean, his obvious attraction for girls, and just his typical demeanor.

Sure, he was good friends with Alex and Jubliee, both queer mutants, but that didn’t mean anything. And sure, he didn’t object to kissing you during spin the bottle, but he didn’t exactly leap at the chance either. And maybe he sometimes had a playful, kind of flirty, teasing thing going on with you— but that was just him. Just Warren being Warren.

-

You went down to the lab, not even caring what Hank was doing Down there.

“Alex!” He looked up from his spot at the table, where he could do paperwork and watch Hank work on his next experiment.

“What’s up, (Y/N)?”

“I need some advice…”

“Is everything okay?”

“So, I’m really into this guy, and Jubilee has been pushing me to ask him to homecoming, but I’m really nervous and every time I get the courage to ask him, I back out because what if he says no and then things are weird between us. Or what if he says no and then I have to live with the pang of rejection leering over me like a dark cloud? I like him a lot, Alex.”

“Okay. Look, homecoming— when even is homecoming?”

“Two weeks from Saturday,” Hank responded.

“Right. Homecoming is in like two weeks. You still have plenty of time to ask—“

“No, no!” You cried. “That isn’t why I came down here. I need help because he’s probably straight and I don’t know what to do!”

“How can I help?” Alex asked dumbfoundedly.

“You can’t tell him any of this. At all.”

Alex nodded, “Yeah, of course.”

“Neither can you Hank.”

He chuckled, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Okay… Wooooh…” You sighed. “Ugh… Okay… I have a crush on Warren.”

-

A week prior

“I’m not gay.” Warren defended.

“I didn’t say you were, Ren. I’m just saying, you usually don’t think about friends like that.” Peter observed.

“(Y/N) is just a good friend. We’re kinda close. That’s it.”

“You kissed him at the bonfire.”

“It was spin the bottle, Pete! I wasn’t about to reject him in front of everyone like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like... Like... Fuck, I don’t know. I mean it was just a kiss-- I’m sure there are people who’d make fun of him if I didn’t kiss him. It was a party game anyway.” It’s not like I stayed up thinking about it for several days.

“Alex…” Peter whined.

“What’s wrong now?” He walked into the kitchen.

“Is it possible to like girls, and only girls for the longest time, but then you meet a guy, and you feel different?”

Alex’s face was covered with confusion and shock. “Peter?...”

“Not me. Warren.”

“Warren? I’m confused?”

“He has feelings for (Y/N).” Peter staged whispered to Alex.

“Maybe,” Warren stated.

“Oh no, you definitely like him. There’s no doubt about it.” Peter said surely.

“Why am I here then?”

“Because you lived your whole life liking girls, and then you met Hank. You guys are in a great relationship, nothing tragic has happened—

“I went to Vietnam to avoid Hank when in reality he liked me back.”

“Oh.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Really fucking stupid, but whatever… It was the 60s. And obviously being gay now isn’t much better, but… it could be worse. Anyway, if you really like (Y/N) you should tell him.”

-

“You want to ask Warren to homecoming?”

“Xavier’s residential leather-clad, curly blonde-haired, green-blue eyed, hot, winged, bad boy? Yes.”

“That’s a very specific description,” Hank commented, “Do you have a type?”

“Don’t call me out like that!”

Hank smiled to himself at your annoyance.

“Listen, I would die for Warren. He could choke me and I’d thank him. Some days I’m like, ‘Run me over! I want you too!’”

“That’s not healthy…” Hank stated awkwardly.

“I know, I know, but he’s like straighter than Scott— I don’t stand a chance with him!”

“Wouldn’t say that,” Alex mumbled.

“Well…” Hank glanced at Alex, unsure what to say, “What’s the worst that could happen if you ask him out?”

“Easy, rejection.”

“Warren’s not going to be a jerk and publicly humiliate you. If he says no then you guys can just pretend it never happened.”

“Easy for you to say!” Alex didn’t get it. “I had this whole big thing planned and it’s probably so stupid, and I don’t even know why I came down here.”

“Don’t say that,” Hank told you, “I’m sure—“

“It’s fine. Thanks anyway, Hank, Alex. I’m gonna go.”

-

What a waste of time. I don’t know if I should ask him to homecoming or not. He’s probably already got a date. You groaned. Why were crushes so complicated?

Perhaps, Hank was right. What’s the worst that could happen?

You opened your door to see Scott face down on his bed, listening to Lesley Gore.

“What’s wrong with you? There’s only room for one melodramatic teenage mutant in this room, and it’s me.”

“It’s been your turn for days. Let me be sad right now.” You rolled your eyes. You knew Scott’s moment of sadness was probably just because some guy hit on Jean, or Peter walked in on him jerking off, or maybe he got a bad test score.

“Alrighty, one eye. Have you seen Warren?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Hmm? I couldn’t hear you. The pillows muffled your voice.”

“I don’t wanna talk about him. He’s an asshole.”

You looked at Scott with confusion, “What did he do to you?”

“Jean’s been ignoring me for him.”

“Oh. Is that it? I know you’re totally obsessed with Jean and all, but you have to let her have guy friends. It’s toxic of you not to—“

“Everyone’s been telling me that. And at first I didn’t really think much of it, but it’s an all the time thing now. They’re talking all the time and spending tons of time together, whispering and getting all secretive when I’m around. She’s even skipped class with him one time to go out!”

Your heart dropped into your stomach as Scott told you his relationship problems. It was obvious Warren was into Jean. She probably wasn’t into him, everyone knew she was crazy for Scott, but still! She was leading him on and she was one of your best friends! She knew you liked him!

“Jean’s a bitch.”

“Excuse me?! What did you just say?”

“Save your breath, Summers. Your girlfriend is a total backstabber and I’m going to murder her.” You stormed out of your shared room to find the redhead and give her a piece of your mind. Scott followed close behind, trying to stop you.

“Can you shut up, Summers?”

“No! You’re not going to talk to her about this.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Her possible thing with Warren. I’ll talk to her myself.”

“No way! She knows things to where she shouldn’t be doing this. I’m mad at her, and I’m going to tell her. You can’t stop me.”

-

“Jean Grey! Open the fuck up!” The door opened and you walked into the room.

“You’re so two-faced, aren’t you? You’ve got a boyfriend who literally worships the ground you walk on, but yet he thinks you’re probably cheating on him with none other than Warren— who, by the way, I’ve had a crush on since May. Not only did I have to prepare myself for the obvious rejection because I’m gay and he’s not, but now I have to deal with your bullshit!”

Warren was sitting on the floor, working on a poster of some sort. He had stopped to listen to you go off on Jean, but he wasn’t expecting this. He wasn’t even sure if you noticed him or not.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ditching class, keeping secrets, and sometimes ignoring Scott? Does any of that sound familiar? Or did he pull that out of his ass?”

“I didn’t mean to seem like I was cheating or something— also skipping class was one time— I was helping Warren out with stuff.”

You crossed your arms, “What stuff?”

“Homecoming,” He spoke up.

All color drained from your face. Warren knew you had a crush on him.

“I was going to ask you to homecoming… I was getting help from Jean because you guys were good friends and I thought Jubilee would tell you and ruin everything but now it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh. Oh… Oh.” Your brain was going a hundred miles per minute. Warren— Warren, he— he liked you? He wanted to ask you out? Jean wasn’t leading him on? Too much was happening at once.

“I need to go.”

“(Y/N), wait!”

-

The first thing you did was run to your room and put on some deodorant and a little cologne. Then you brushed your teeth and panicked.

“Oh god! He probably hates me! I left him there with Peter and Jean— no. No. No, no, no. I am going to talk to Warren. I can do that. I can talk to him.”

-

You exhaled deeply. You could do this.

You knocked on the wooden door. It opened slowly.

“Hi, um, can… I come in?”

Warren mumbled, “Yeah.” And nodded weakly.

You stepped inside his dorm, which was covered in art supplies and blank cassette tapes. “Sorry about the mess. I— It was for homecoming, but…”

“Oh… This looks way less complicated than what Jubilee was helping me with.”

Warren laughed. “That’s because it’s Jubilee. She’s so bright and flashy and extra at times. What did you expect?”

“She’s my only gay friend! I thought she could help me. Hell, I went to Alex for advice! God, I was so nervous, Ren. I still am, but like, there’d be moments and I was about to ask you and then I would just completely back out because I thought what if you said no, but not only—“

“You went to Alex for advice?” You nodded. “So he told you?”

“No?... He just said “I think you should go for it. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

“Oh. I told Alex I liked you, so I kinda assumed he told you…”

“Oh, no, no. He didn’t say anything. If he did I wouldn’t be this nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?” You quickly glanced around the room— you were the only two in it, the windows were closed, the door was probably locked shut. You didn’t have anything to be worried about, you knew Warren liked you back.

“I like you a lot.”

“I like you a lot.”

“Okay.” You sat down on the bed next to Warren. You glanced at him through your lashes. “Um…”

He was hesitant to place his hand on top of yours. “Is this okay?”

You nodded, unsure by what he meant. His cheeks were rosy and you could feel your heartbeat in your chest.

He bit his lip.

“Why are you nervous?”

The slight lingering glance at your lips told you everything you needed to know. You got closer, so your chests were touching, and you leaned in. You pressed your lips against Warren’s and he did the same. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tugging on the ends of his hair lightly. He groaned against your lips and you tried to hold back a smile.

He broke the kiss and frowned. You were still close and you could feel his breath.

“What’s so funny?”

“Your sensitive scalp.”

“Shut up.”

“No, no. It’s cute.”

He mumbled, “You’re cute,” Before kissing you again.

You smiled— worries gone, and the only thing you could focus on was Warren.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Normally I don't like to ask stuff but I feel distressed. My mom is arguing about a preaching that she heard where it says that the antichrist will be gay. She quotes the book of Daniel, particularly Daniel 11:37. Her argument is that Daniel is a prophecy book therefore it must be true. It just really hurts that she'd say this to me and keeps making remarks about my faith. That I'm not a good enough Christian for not believing like her. Is what Daniel say true or is the interpretation wrong?

Hey there. I’m sorry to hear you’re distressed, and especially that your mom keeps making remarks about your faith. It is not right for any of us to judge another person’s faith like that! 

This is gonna get long, so for a tl;dr, after studying Daniel 11 and its surrounding context I can say pretty confidently that your mom is indeed wrong about how to interpret 11:37. If you want to explore just why with me, read on!

______________

So to start with, I disagree with your mom that everything in the Book of Daniel, or in any “prophecy book” of the Bible, must necessarily be “true” – or “come true” as if it were fortune telling. Biblical prophecy is not fortune telling or future telling. As I say in this post, biblical prophets were actually much more concerned about the present, about how the past had shaped that present, and about how the present could be used to shape the future! This is just a fact of how ancient Israelites viewed prophecy, regardless of how one interprets scripture (whether more fundamentalist / literal as I imagine your mom probably is, or more historical/contextual, etc.). 

Christians who get really into all the biblical visions of “the end times” and the rapture and stuff don’t want to hear this, because they want it to be somehow directly relevant to them and their futures (and that’s understandable), so the following paragraph is just some information for you rather than anything that’s likely to convince your mom:

Most biblical scholars say that most of the biblical prophecies aren’t about “The End Times” the way we conceive of it. The Book of Daniel’s prophecies do include some talk of the actual end of the world, but – like the Book of Revelation in the New Testament – the majority of his prophecies actually refer to kingdoms and intrigue going on in Daniel’s own time (or not so long before or after his own time). 

I have not studied Daniel’s prophecies, like, at all besides reading through them, so I can say more about how the Book of Revelation is less about “the end of the world” and more about “the end of the Roman Empire;” but Daniel follows a similar trajectory of being more about the fall of the empires that have oppressed his people than about the end of the whole world. If you have a Bible that offers footnotes about the historical context going on in any given passage of scripture, it will tell you all about that – that Daniel’s prophecies discuss the sequence of Babylonian, Median, and Persian rulers that oppress his people and criticize those oppressive kings. 

Thus when you go to look at Daniel 11 (and 10), you see that Daniel isn’t talking about “The Antichrist” in this passage – indeed, that title “Antichrist” is not used at all in this Book, or in any book of the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) at all! – but rather he is talking about a Persian king who is going to arise and oppress his people. The New Interpreter’s Study Bible suggests in its footnotes for 11:37 that the specific king Daniel’s talking about is Antiochus, who “grew exceedingly arrogant: He abandoned his ancestral gods and imposed the worship of Zeus Olympus” – hence 11:37′s statement that he “shall pay no respect to the God’s of his ancestors.”

Now that we’ve reached the verse itself in our discussion, let’s have a closer look at Daniel 11:37. The New King James Version reads, 

“He shall regard neither the God of his fathers nor the desire of women, nor regard any god; for he shall exalt himself above them all.”

The part of this verse that is used by some to claim that “the antichrist” (if you interpret this passage as even being about the antichrist, despite the context pointing to it actually being about a Persian king) is gay is, of course, “nor the desire of women.” 

But along with that seeming like a very random tangent for the prophet to mention in a verse that otherwise is about this king abandoning all gods, the issue with biblical Hebrew is that sometimes getting a precise meaning out of it is hard. Thus “nor the desire of women” is not the only translation into English that one can make from the Hebrew. I’ll list some other translations that have been made (and you can see tons more here):

KJV: “nor the desire of women”

NASB: “or for the desire of women”

NIV: “or for the one desired by women”

ESV and NRSV: “or to the one beloved by women”

New Living Translation: “or for the god loved by women”

CEB: “and the god preferred by women”

Now, there are many conservative Christians who believe that the King James Bible is never wrong, and therefore they’ll insist that the translation to “nor the desire of women” is the one “correct” translation. But even if that is the case, what exactly does “the desire of women” mean in English? Does it mean: 

that this guy doesn’t desire / isn’t attracted to women, as your mom believes? 

could it also mean that he doesn’t care if women desire him? aka he might still desire them, and doesn’t give a damn about whether they like him back

or does it mean that he doesn’t care what women desire/want – i.e., that he won’t listen to them about what they want, perhaps in regards to what gods he respects, since that’s what the rest of the verse is about?

Moving to look at those translations that translate it “the god loved/preferred/beloved by women,” some suggest that this meaning: just as the guy has no regard for “the god of his ancestors,” likewise he has no regard for the god[s] of his wives/concubines. There are examples in the Hebrew Bible of women having different gods from their husbands – Jacob’s wife Rachel takes her household gods with her into his house; Solomon’s many foreign wives convince him to worship their gods with them. So if the Hebrew here, hemdath nashiym, is translated something about “the god loved by the women,” that’s what it could be about – this guy won’t be swayed to worship any god, whether his own family’s gods or his wives’ gods. 

That above reasoning makes much more sense within the context of the verse than it being like “So this guy won’t care about his ancestors’ god, oh also by the way he’s gay or whatever, and back to the god thing, he’s gonna exalt himself over all gods.” It would be such a random tangent! 

_______

So that’s all the language and history stuff. Now let’s get hypothetical: 

so…what if your mom is right? So what if the verse is saying “this guy isn’t attracted women”? (and for the purpose of this hypothetical, let’s say the verse is about the antichrist though as I discussed above I do not believe that it is.) 

First off, just because he doesn’t desire women doesn’t necessarily mean he does desire men. He could be asexual and/or aromantic. That wouldn’t be much better, of course, because we’d be moving from homophobia into aphobia. Asexual and aromantic folks get vilified enough with the stigma that “oh you can’t ~~love~~?? you monster!” So I definitely do not like the supposition that the antichrist is ace/aro; that’s just as icky as him being gay.

But again, we’re in hypothetical land: so let’s say the antichrist is gay, or is aroace. ……..So what??

Gay people, aroace people, aren’t all perfect and good people. We can be badguys too, ya know? If the antichrist were cishet, it wouldn’t mean that All Cishet People Are Therefore Like The Antichrist – so if the antichrist were gay, why would it therefore mean that all gay people are like the antichrist? 

He’s just one person. A big bad person – but his sexuality isn’t necessarily a part of that. He’s not evil because of whatever his sexuality is or isn’t. 

I will close by offering some counterbalances to a supposedly gay (or aroace, or otherwise LGBTQA+) antichrist: there are also LGBTQA+ heroes in the Bible.

Daniel himself may well be one of them!!

To start with, Daniel is most likely a eunuch: after all, he has a position in the Babylonian court, and as David Bayliss notes, “it was customary for Mesopotamian kings in the first millennium BC to surround themselves with eunuchs as servants.” The Bible itself attests to this fact, in places like Isaiah 39:7 that talks about youths being taken from Judah to serve Babylon’s king as eunuchs. Along with those two facts, Bayliss continues with more evidence that Daniel was a eunuch:

Third, the fact that Daniel and the other captured Israelite youths were entrusted to the “chief eunuch” suggests that they were to become young eunuchs themselves.

Fourth, boys to be made into eunuchs were usually selected for their beauty, which is mentioned at the top of the list of selecting criteria in Dan 1:4.

Fifth, there is no mention of Daniel or his companions ever marrying (or having children).

Sixth, Daniel showed no interest in returning to Jerusalem after Cyrus the Great came to the throne (who allowed exiles to return to their homelands), which may have to do with his physical humiliation and the Deut 23:1 ban.“

Now, why’s it matter if Daniel’s a eunuch?? What’s that got to do with being LGBTQA?? Many queer scholars, myself included, have argued that biblical eunuchs share many similarities to gay people, or trans people, etc. I talk about the connection between biblical eunuchs and contemporary trans people in the section of this webpage titled “ ‘Better than sons or daughters’: Isaiah 56″.

(For other resources on eunuchs’ link to LGBT folks, see here, here, here, here.)

On top of that, some scholars have suggested a romantic/sexual relationship between David and the head eunuch under which he served, Ashpenaz. According to Daniel 1:9, Daniel enjoyed “the favor and tender love” of Ashpenaz. This could be a totally platonic thing, or it could be physical; the Hebrew is ambiguous. 

You might not be able to stop your mom from making her awful comments, but maybe being able to respond in your head to her “the antichrist is gay!” with “no, Daniel was gay” will help you a little. 

Please keep safe, and do what you can to keep your mom’s crap from getting to you (I know that’s much harder said than done). You are beloved by the God who made you, friend. And scripture is much queerer than hateful Christians want to admit. 

[fthisshiiimout]

" Hope is a dangeous thing" Michael Guerin's words of wisdom! He said it to Max and said it to Maria! But I really hope every single MALEX fan took it to heart cause it was really meant for US!

I dont care what people say in this fandom anymore. "I dont want to hear spoilers" " no spoilers" " you should tag your shit as a spoiler" NO IM NOT GOING TO! Ya know why?? Because Carina herself wouldnt have shown her shit if she didnt want SPOILERS OUT!! DUHH! And Im ranting because Im sick of the headgames with this show..it ridiculous..no wonder why people in this fandom are dropping like flies.

And Im sick and tired of the back and forth between M/M and M/A. Im sick of the headgames with the showrunner as well! One day its " Oh its Maria..shes his light" and whatever else is spewed. And the next its " Ohh Michael and Alex there journey is from darkness to light" and whatever other bullshit is spewed. Cause in reality its all Bullshit to keep Malex fans and Miluca fans to keep watching and fighting. If you ever cared to look at the ratings for season 1 they were abysmal. Only the first 2 episodes got over a million viewers. Which is horrible..but in full disclosure Theres only 1 CW show that has really any kind of following ( and hint hint its not Supernatural..That shows ratings are going down faster then a hooker on payday). Believe me I did the research. I dont understand why they are putting it after a tanking show if they want more viewers ( No disrespect to Supernatural, my daughter and husband love this show). But I digress..

The show runners know where there bread is buttered on this show and it is with MALEX fans. It even overshadows the Liz/Max shippers and Definitely over shadows Michael and Maria. Hell Vlamis and Tyler realized it pretty quickly..Vlamis made a sold out Merch line because of it. And they are the captains of this ship because they see the potential of how big it can be. Hell even the CW pr team figured it out! Thats why in the trailer we saw Malex and no Miluca?? Its not rocket science to figure this out!

So why now are the showrunners literally shitting on the LGBTQ+ community by taking away the only couple that represent that population on that show?? Then placating the community with "ooh Alex gets a new love interest" and the obscure and downright awkward " oh someone who Identified as straight in the beginning of the season will not be at the end". What a FUCKING FARCE! Like really?? As a community are we that desperate or obtuse?? Did nobody roll there eyes at this bullshit? Or am I the only one? We have a perfectly "cosmic" gay ship in front of us! Yes with baggage..no denying that..but thats the drama of TV I get it.

The reason is because the showrunners have no plans to make Malex anymore. There I said it and I SAW IT FIRSTHAND! In 2x01 Michael told Alex straight up they "were done" it was pretty cut and dry and lasted all of 2 mins...good to know Malex fans get two mins of heartbreak..that should tell you something. While Michael and Maria had 3 scenes..maybe more together. Granted they were not together at the end of 2x01 but According to Heather they will be trying to " ignite the spark between them" for the entire season. And that they're love is " exciting and blah blah blah".. No one gives a shit. Least of all me. But you can clearly see thats where its headed.

Also in season 1 there were some big hints too that I myself overlooked but they were glaring but subtle like the Max/Cam love scene intertwined with the Michael/Alex scene and the song playing in the background..that was telling... You dont see Max and Cam together. Or 1x12 prison scene " Cant love me" playing in the background and the words Michael spit at Alex..I dont think they were complete lies. Michael felt them on some lvl. And Alex's own words " Sometimes the world ends with a wimper, Guerin".. Those were all meant for Malex shippers as well.

And what about this "see if we can " be friends" or " we didn't even know each other" bullshit! I hate those lines..Like really?? Michael moved back to Roswell when he was 11..which meant that they went to school and living in a small town grew up together. At least for 7 or so yrs. They must have knew each other just for the simple fact of the Liz/Max dynamic..I grew up in many a small town i know this dynamic well. EVERYONE LITERALLY KNOWS EVERYONE! Maybe they didn't really hook up till the end of senior year. But they knew each other and I can almost bet that Alex admired Michael's protectiveness and Michael admired Alex's strength. And they also must have known about each others abusive pasts to a point..logic dictates that. And relationships have been built and survived on less.And if the showrunners wanted to make them " friends" for a time I could even tolerate it..tolerate being the operative word.

But no Michael's gonna "light the spark" with Maria..because in reality thats what the showrunners want. They dont give a shit about Malex working through their shit like logic adults would. And that's fine It just frustrates me that I was sold a lie..and every Malex shipper was too. Wake up fellow shippers and see it too. Or dont..Lies are comfortable like a warm blanket on a cold night. Everyone has some delusion they cling to..much like hope.

My last frustration with the ending of this ship will be that it is laid solely at Alex's feet. "He kept walking away", " He abandoned Michael for 10 yrs", "He left him behind", "I love him, I probably always will..but hes tied to all these horrible memories in my life. All the things his family did to mine. Coming back to him always feels like a crash landing" or the newest and deepest when Alex was giving him the file from Caulfield " Manes men did this to her".. Its always going to be Alex's fault. I wonder if Tyler knew the full extent of the way Alex was gonna be shit on. I dont think Tyler being openly queer himself would be ok with that kind of representation of the Gay community. Its pretty jarring... Honestly I can almost guarantee they probably " promised" him a more normal gay relationship with this new " character" Forrest. Whatever the case may be its still bullshit. Michael seems to hold no responsibility to it.

And Michael will still get the girl and be in his hetero relationship with Maria..because Im asking the question..is he really bi? Evidence in the show doesn't specifically back that up. The only man we see him with is Alex..I havent heard or seen him with other men. Even Michael himself said "Its just him..screws me up".. So maybe "Pan" is a better description?

So RIP Malex! It was good while it lasted.."cosmic" even..but the showrunners killed you off before you even got the opportunity to take flight! ( This is a rant about the showrunners and writers for the fake promise of Malex. I seriously have no issue with Maria or the actress per se...and if the showrunners wanted M/M they should have just started in Season 1 with them).