#but also maybe it cant be worse than last season

[allylikethecat]

I might have missed it but did you ever explain your complicated feelings towards Taylor/why you’ve come to outgrow her? I only ask because I feel like your reasons may be very similar to mine, and it’s nice to have some validation.

Hi! Yes, I kinda went on an over dramatic ramble about it back in February lol The link to that ask / post can be found HERE. I mean, I am still excited to listen to her new album, and I still enjoy her music, just between her current public image and the fanbase, it's not to the extent it once was and the feelings sometimes get complicated. Which I attribute to her being the "sound track to my childhood" and feeling like that is now "over" which has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me lol

(Even though, I am 28, my friend group is ages 25-36 and if any of them were licking a mans face in public like that I would be giving them so much shit for being so cringy lol like we're adults y'all love each other, great no one needs that much PDA)

I am ALSO a huge sports girlie and I love football SO MUCH and I have hated Travis Kelce for so very long 😭 Like there are so many more attractive BETTER football players why that one BUT as long as she's happy that's what matters and what she does, does not affect me, I just will be streaming the album on spotify instead of buying a million variations like I used too because I have no desire to own them all anymore lol I don't mean any harm to any fans of hers and truly think that it's awesome what she has accomplished, I'm just not as big of a fan as I once was and the feelings are complicated and make me sad sometimes. I also don't want to be starting any thing or causing any drama, these are just my PERSONAL feelings and PERSONAL opinions based on how I previously parasocially related her to my own life and now no longer do. It is also me being a football fan and hating the Chiefs. The 49ers were robbed of that super bowl win by shitty reffing because the Chiefs winning was the narrative the NFL wanted and I will be forever be angry about that. The 49ers were the superior team and this is coming from a PATS FAN.

Anyway, I hope this answered your question and validated how you were feeling! If you ever want to chat more my DMs are always open! I do however want to try and keep my blog a positive space (unless we wanna shit talk sports teams we don't like because also FUCK THE HABS EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE KINDA FUCKED THEMSELVES FOR ME AND ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DIVISION WHERE THEY BELONG) I hope your Monday is going well and that you have a great week!

❤️Ally

[ominous-horse-noises]

not done talking ab fhjy actually so i'll just say some of you guys who go on about how you could've done better themes and narrative arcs can't even think critically about the one in front of you.

i do wish that the other bad kids had interacted with their foils more this season because it was fun seeing them trade insults, but i also dont think it would've done much for them. i mean, people forget the tbks did try to turn reuben early on (they literally saved him from grix even though it was his fault he showed up trying to kill people). adaine thought oisin was cool and tbks were onboard with thinking maybe he wasn't that bad, and then he sent his grandma to murder them and their entire school. fabian tried to get an 'in' with ivy and it nearly cost him a genuine relationship with a character who had a way better chance of helping them figure things out without the risk of being betrayed. kipperlilly had an ego-driven hateboner for riz since BEFORE the rage stars and killed her own party member in cold blood just to stick it to kristen, and you're telling me that she could've been my little ponyied into giving up her chance to squash the symbol of all her inadequacy? buddy and maryann are the only rat grinders who havent fucked them over meaningfully and guess what? they're not thrilled about having to kill them- they're actively avoiding targeting them! almost like theyre capable of distinguishing between someone not on their side and someone who's proved to be a threat!

brennan made it pretty clear that trying to befriend trgs in their rage forms was futile and actively punished it ingame. you can have your opinions of that, but it definitely had a narrative point: if you get rage starred, you cant be 'this isnt youuuu'd out of it. you think ONLY of rage, and rage can't be reasoned with. it's arguably worse than death, bc at least someone can revivify you and there's no lasting consequences. think about how hard brennan was trying to push the ihs into taking rage tokens. he knew exactly how dire he'd made the consequences and that was on purpose. the season has no stakes if you can just talk your way out of being rage starred bc tbks could save each other easily. the whole climax literally can't happen if trgs arent being evil bc porter can't be a living god of rage without followers. tbks hating trgs isnt a flaw in the story: it IS the story.

[bwoahtastic]

Lewis would be very cautious during they scene in the club. They’ve got a private room and he can see that Max is nervous. He’s also clearly still upset about being turned away by so many doms. Max keeps crossing his arms over his chest like he wants to hide himself. He feels awful, he never wants a sub to feel self conscious or insecure, and he feels worse because it’s Max. He wonders when the last time Max has scened with someone, if he’s even gone into subspace during the season. He’s determined to have a good scene with Max even if it’s just a once off.

He lets Max pick a padel, carefully eyeing which ones Max is interested in. Max skips over the whips, but lingers on one of them. He’s still a little scared that Lewis will be cruel so he decides not to. But Lewis sees how bright his eyes shine when he lands on one with LH indented into it. Lewis cant even deny how hard he is just thinking about his initials on Max’s skin.

Max follows all of his orders so beautifully, he gets on his knees so easily. Lewis already has so many fantasies about what he could do with the sub. They stick to Max sucking him off and what was meant to be a light spanking, but Max begs so prettily that Lewis spanks him hard. He gets hard again just thinking about fucking Max while his initials are on his ass. Max cums after a particularly hard spank and it has Lewis obsessed.

Lewis refuses to finish after care in a club room and takes Max home where he can properly take care of him. Max is a little out of it but Lewis takes such good care of him. It’s nice to have Max asleep in his bed and it means Lewis can marvel at his initials all over Max’s ass while mentally drawing up a contract so Max can be his sub. He’ll make sure Max can spend as much time in subspace during the season as he wants to

Pls Max trying to seem fine ans strong as they enter the private room, but he has his arms wrapped around himself and makes himself small and Lewis hates that the sub is uncomfortable, wants to ask if Max has been in subspace at all during the year but instead just asks for consent snd safe words because he can see Max doesn't have time for chitchat.

Max being allowed to pick his own paddle and for a moment he goes to pick a whip but is too scared. Lewis is a little sad Max thinks so lowly of him but it's understandable, Lewis will prove himself!

Lewis smirks when Max picks the paddle with Lewis's initials, rubs it against Max's cheek a little as Max sucks him off for a bit. Lewis only meant to do a light spanking but Max is begging and aching for more so he dares to be more rough, and to his surprise Max cums from the impact.

Lewis spending a good while after just holding the sub as Max let's put breathless little sounds, maybr not quite in sub space but close. Lewis asking Max if he wants to come home eoth him, or maybe he stays at Max's apartment cos Max giggles and slurs he needs to feed the cats!

Max looks so peaceful when sleeping, snuggled into him snd snoring softly, abd Lewis knows this cannot be a one night thing, there will never be a more perfect sub for Lewis than Max!

[psychicsolanum]

TUA S4 SPOILERS

I have so many thoughts after finishing it.

yet I feel so empty lmao.

I'm gonna put my disorganised rambles under a read more if anyone is interested and/or wants to scream with me about it

umbrella academy is one of, if not, my favourite show ever made for its storytelling and unique art direction yes, but mainly its characters and their dynamic, like everyone who loves this show.

i love the fluffy sibling relationships and how their trauma affects how they live and behave with one another. everything is built off of the characters!! it's never revolved around love interests unless it made sense and I really loved that. patch (mostly), dave, ray, lila and even Delores tied into the main cast's arcs and pushed the plot forward in a way that I thought was really satisfying and didn't take away too much from the family dynamics that the show focuses on.

so why did they choose these random romantic relationships this season to focus on? I thought the twist about Ben's death was actually great and unexpected personally, (and i loved seeing the kids go out on a mission; i always wanted more flashbacks to their childhood) but to boil it down to a virus that made him fall in love with someone he just met? that's so boring and so unlike anything they've done before imo!

also what happened to sloane lmao. I know basically nothing about behind the scenes stuff but what was the point of having her and Luther get together last season if they had no plans, I'm guessing they must have and the actress didn't come back?

and I feel like hargreeves' grand plan that caused everything in this show to happen feels so anticlimactic now. I mean I guess it literally meant nothing now. this feels like life is strange all over again but worse lol.

Klaus! thank god he exists in this series. what a breath of fresh air any time he was on screen. i never thought i'd be so relieved they threw him into another side quest lmao thank god he wasnt burdened by the main plot too much. I don't mean to say I'm completely happy with what they did with him, they started this arc of like, not letting his powers define him and finish his transformation that he's been continuously going through since s1, but because the show ends with everyone killing themselves it just kind of fizzles out? still love him and his careless whimsy, i thought the way he got his powers back and the scene following it was really good. as always wish they explored it moreeeeeee ughhhhh. Omg they never did anything more with the void or God either. I loved that stuff :(((((((((((

I cant even think about the five and lila stuff without getting mad so I'm just gonna say: fuck you for that. what the fuck were you thinking. why. why. why. in my head five is aroace and moves on with his life, maybe takes up golfing idk. who cares. anything else. HE LITERALLY SAID "I WANNA FUCKING KILL HIM" ABOUT DIEGO IN THE LAST EPISODE?!?!?!?!? and he hid the way home to her children from her for months???? I like the very end of the plotline where it explained founder five, very Loki, but that could have been accomplished without the 7 year romance...............

I think the 6 year time jump reallllyyyyy did not help this season at all. it just led to all the conflict with Allison being resolved instantly and her only story being the one klaus is living with. also wtf was going on with her powers why did they just give her telekinesis thats way more boring than her rumours! I like the tiny bits we got with klaus and allison but it was so short! with the time jump we missed so much development, most of them feel like completely different characters for no real reason. the only thing we know about luther is that he became a stripper, and viktor owns a bar in canada i guess??? these guys were most of the main plot in season 1 and they were so one dimentional this season. i feel like we barely got to get to know Claire or Diego and lilas kids which would be fine if the rest of the plot going on with the other characters was good and engaging, which i felt it wasn't. I don't even know the kids names apart from Grace, which is very cute ill give them that.

The show ended with the main cast doing a group suicide. ceasing to exist. none of them getting to heal.

I'm sorry I don't want to be a hater and I really do hope that some people loved this season but im just so sad lol. i liked the first couple eps and I really love these characters, judging by twitter I'm not alone in my disappointment though lmao. what was the potential s5 gonna look like?!?!?

I loved klaus and Allison a lot and we got little snippets of greatness, I want a spinoff of them now!!!!!!!

I'm excited to hear other people's opinions, maybe I'll see other perspectives and feel a little better haha.

klaus 4ever 🖤☂️🖤

[misrepresentedmorallygrey]

PROPAGANDA

Rose Quartz

It’s all “more morally grey women in media!” but when the mom from the space rocks singing and crying show turns out to not be the saint she was made out to be in the early seasons, suddenly she’s The Real Villain Of the Show and a Bitch and all the good she did in liberating the gems and saving the earth is completely erased. Yes! She was a diamond! She did some evil shit without understanding the consequences! She was once entitled and bratty and unempathetic. She got a lot of people hurt! But she also gave all our gems their freedom! She gave up her status and family and slowly tried to fix all the damage the diamonds had caused. She didn’t have Steven as a means to escape her past, she had Steven because she saw in humans everything she always wanted to be- something free and forever changing. You are allowed to not forgive her but claiming her to be inherently evil even after all she went through is flat out wrong. Imo you all just cant handle a bbw.

So many people absolutely DESPISE Rose Quartz. The show showed her character arc in reverse order, and when the show started, she was seen as this perfect being who was wise and kind and a rebel hero and utterly flawless. But then we find out that she wasn't perfect, and she was one of the tyrannical Diamonds the show has as the main antagonists. She used to be a spoiled brat who threw tantrums, hurt one of her servants, and left her friend/plaything Spinel to stand in a garden for thousands of years. She discovered the beauty of earth and rebelled to save it from being destroyed, even faking the death of her Pink Diamond identity so the rebellion could win. She works her entire life to change and become a better person from who she was. Ultimately she gives up her gem and life so Steven could live before the show begins, and the show has Steven gradually learning about her. She is often hated and seen as a villain and worse than the other Diamonds, who are genocidal tyrants until the very end of the show.

Steven Universe shows Pink Diamond’s arc in reverse. At the beginning of the show, all the characters see Rose as this great hero, this perfect unimpeachable goddess, and over the course of the show we learn that this is a lie — Rose was just as flawed as anyone else, in many was immature, lied to all of her closest friends, was at times very cruel to her loved ones, and spent most of her life unlearning the privilege and entitlement and cruelty which her youth taught her. The last things we learn about Pink Diamond (her abandonment of spinel, her treatment of volleyball) are perhaps the worst things she ever does. But these are also some of the *earliest* things she ever does — this is where she STARTS, and we see in the show that Pink spends a lot of time trying not to be the person who did those things, even if she never undoes them, so that by the end of her life she’s far from perfect but is also in many many important ways not that person. Her decision to become Rose Quartz is in part an attempt to remake herself, to *not be* the childish, callously cruel pink diamond she is meant to be. And rose quartz *is* kind, and works to be good, but she cannot truly stop being that person. In the end, I think we are meant to understand that Rose Quartz decided to become Steven because she wanted to grow and improve in a way she felt that she couldn’t — she KNOWS that she isn’t a good person and can never truly be a good person, so she destroys herself so that Steven can be the good person she can’t be. And her decision to bring steven into the world caused a lot of pain, and maybe it was selfish, but it’s also a fascinating expression of Rose’s self-awareness about her own flaws!!!! I love Rose/Pink for how flawed she is and how much she tries not to be flawed. Anyway a large portion of the SU fandom thinks Pink Diamond is an irredeemable monster. So that’s cool.

Chara Dreemur

There's a lot of bias against Chara for appearing at the end of the Genocide Route, but there's so much more to them than "I want to murder everyone". They're a kid!! They made mistakes and they felt bad for them, and now they're stuck following the player and watching their every move... The fandom misrepresents them very badly imo

Somehow people forgive Asriel for everything he's done as a soulless being after his death, but when it comes to Chara, it's like they're the devil incarnate.

Chara is a character commonly seen as guilty for the genocide run or harmless disregarding them only appearing at the end and posioning Asgore

Poor kid called themselves a demon ONE TIME and then got misrepresented so badly as immoral killer with no sympathy

People constantly blame them for the worst ending of the game, even though the entire point of the game is that the player has a the opportunity to choose senseless violence and that it is the player's fault for killing the characters. They are a troubled child, and while they do some bad things, like taking the player's violent example at the end, most of what the fandom pins on them is in the hands of the player.

[himynameis4]

I feel like y’all are sleeping on the canonically-overlapping timeframes between It Chapter 1 & Stranger Things.

Will goes missing in early November (aka fall) of 1983. It Chapter 1 takes place 1988-1989, with Georgie going missing October 1988, and all the action taking place the subsequent summer.

The summer of 1989 would be when the Party graduates high school, you guys.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if Ted Wheeler had a sister, Maggie Tozier, perhaps? Finn Wolfhard has said that Richie and Mike wouldn’t get along, and Mike being frustrated with his dipshit little cousin is hilarious to me.

There are already crossover fics existing—ones that make Mike & Richie twins, ones that have Richie as the elder cousin, lots of ones that have Richie sent to live with/visit the Wheelers in Hawkins—but none I’ve seen that take the timeline into account, none with Mike as the elder cousin, and few that primarily take place in Derry.

What about, instead, starting post-season 4, with Karen Wheeler? The Wheelers are incredibly flawed, as parental figures go, but the end of season 4 leaves off with them seeming to pay more attention to the dangers in their children’s lives. Perhaps Karen Wheeler, newly wise to the supernatural dangers of Hawkins, sends Mike and Holly to live with their cousins in Derry for their own good? Hawkins is practically a ghost town, after all… Nancy’s over 18, Karen can’t control her—but she can protect her younger two, at least.

Perhaps it’s discovered that Mike was a target of Vecna, and the party, on edge and traumatized after Max, advocates for him to move away, where he’ll be safe, unintentionally heightening Mike’s feelings of uselessness (but he knows he could be useful, if they’d just listen this time, if they’d just let him stay… he feels sick thinking it, but also sickeningly justified in it, too: if he’d been in hawkins when they went for vecna that first time, max would be awake, and eddie would be alive. Mike could’ve done better, he just knows it, if only he’d been there to plan, he would’ve done better than the harebrained scheme nancy threw together, nearly getting max killed, and he only just made up with will, and eddie is dead, and he cant leave now—).

(It’s interesting to explore how mike sometimes simultaneously overconfident & incredibly insecure, as well as his (mis?)perception of himself, nancy, etc. Another interesting theme to explore here is the concept of usefulness, and how that does or does not factor into being loved and having value. Mike is useful, Mike is a leader… but by taking away Mike’s opportunities to express these things, it forces Mike to contend with his own self-worth and how he values himself, and his feelings on having to be “useful” in relationships relationships/to be loved (see: she doesn’t need me, mike’s van ramblings on lois lane, etc).

On top of that…what if Ted died fighting the upsidedown, protecting his children, and Karen shuffles the kids off to Derry shortly thereafter? Maybe she stays with Mike and Holly in Derry, but maybe she doesn’t stay forever—perhaps she returns to Hawkins to try and defend her wayward, rebellious eldest, Nancy, fighting at her daughters’ side and avenging her late husband. So Mike is left to grapple with the loss of his father mostly on his own, though Aunt Maggie and Uncle Went do their best. Perhaps it’s made worse by the fact that, just as his parents seemed to be doing better, to be caring, one got himself killed and the other abandoned them. In their attempts to “do better” they both—well, they don’t. Frankly, mike preferred when they didnt pay attention at all. At least they were all alive, and mike was with the people he loved. Will he have to forgive them, now? His father and his last-minute heroics, as though that makes up for a lifetime of distance; his mother and her grief, deciding that acknowledging her failures as a parent means giving up all hopes of being a better one?

(Themes? Forgiveness, parents, the impacts parents have on their children, etc.)

And on top of all of that, now he’s stuck in this shitty, homophobic town, one that isn’t all that different from his shitty, homophobic hometown, except that missing children are mundane here and most of the people he loves are miles away. Oh, and also it’s cold as fuck, because he’s in Maine, and he has to share a room with his shitty little cousin, Richie.

Mike is abruptly shoved into the same position El was—he’s dealing with a lot of shit at school, but why the hell would he tell el about it, with everything she’s dealing with in hawkins?? El had it worse in Lenora, apparently—given the way she reacted when he tried to compare their experiences with bullying.

(This isn’t entirely accurate, isn’t reflective of the intention behind El’s statement or the reason she reacted to Mike the way she did, merely a way Mike might internalize and interpret and be affected by El’s response to him talking about his experiences with bullying in season four.)

Reconstructing cerebro on the roof without dustin sucks. Being unable to communicate with the people he loves would suck more, though, and telephone lines are never private, no matter who’s listening in (nosey aunts and cousins or government agents on their side or government agents decidedly NOT on their side—it doesn’t matter. They don’t get to spy, because it’s not of their goddamn business).

(At least he and will are talking. Every other night, practically. Mike climbs out of the window of his shared bedroom, sits on the roof next to his Cerebro, and talks and talks and talks with will until the sky gets light. They discuss the latest new of the upsidedown, their friends, will’s connection to all of it, their families. Will is the only person mike tells, honestly, about what it’s like in Derry. They talk about light things too—plan campaigns they know they’ll never get to play, talk about comics and gossip about annoying siblings & cousins. When the Little Shop of Horrors movie comes out, they watch it separately & then talk about it together. Overall, they’re making a better go of it than the last time they tried long distance.)

(The cognitive disconnect for mike between what he’s experienced, what his friends have experienced, and the relatively mundane (for now) evils of derry high school might be interesting to explore, too.)

Life continues in this vein for about 2 years. The upsidedown & vecna aren’t fully resolved, but things are at a kind of stalemate, at least.

And then, in 1988, Georgie Denbrough goes missing.

(If you made it to the end of this long-ass post, congrats, man. I figure i’ll tag @wibble-wobbegong since i know he was/is v into stephen king? If you’re reading this, hi wibble! Idk this plot bunny has been dancing in my head. If anybody has thoughts, or different directions they wanna springboard off from this, i’d love to hear ab it lol. I think imma tag this on “wheeler in derry” for my own organization. If i elaborate ill probably tag it there)

[tableintheteacherslounge]

Abbott Elementary S03E07 thoughts

Melissa having a spare room baring in mind we’ve seen her house feels fake sorry - How will she have a room mate but noone look at her pictures and keep control of her kitchen. I get its gonna be for plot but i don’t buy it

I’m w ava that’s a woman who just found out she’s not pregnant - that’s a woman who’s been successfully slutting it up (how’s she gonna slut it up with a roommate)

Omg protective barb 🥺 (ALSO BARBS RIGHT BC MEL WOULDNT GIVE OUT HER ADDRESS WILLINGLY)

AS SOON AS SHE SAID NERD I THOUGHT JACOB

“I know its gods will but hes gotten awfully creative” 😭😭😭😭😭

I love it when Mr johnson lore gets unlocked

Manny and the beard whew 😮‍💨 I was literally wondering where he was so I’m glad they’re using him again

Janine ur SO SMART this is such a good idea and not like a janine unnecessarily fixing a problem like an actual good idea- good job babygirl

Not ava spilling the tea to the whole room

Ponytail melissa at home is so personal to me, I love that this continues from s2, this is just who she is, she throws her hair up when she’s at home. I like that she’s wearing the eagles hoodie we’ve seen before too. Love the hair, makeup & costume details on this show

“I only know how to cook for 12” 😭

Finally mel talking about her breakup! Damn maybe it really was “im not bringing this to school” this whole time

Also Gary being a dead ringer for her dad?? I’m not saying my headcanons are more correct than the show but I disagree with this statement. Gary is not schemmenti coded.

Omg the jacob melissa work momming work sonning ive been dreaming of

“And dont forget theres a 3 booked limit 😒” barb is PISSED and i LOVE IT

“Oh i know what a google doctor is 😤”

Barb really is the best character on tv im sorry noone can do it like sheryl lee ralph like they just cant Shes everything

Janine forgetting the key term (pottery wheel) in her analogy she is so me

“Jacob if u dont like my ziti just say so and i will heave myself out that window” 😭😭

“I went to find mr johnson but he was still crying” NO 😭💔 hes just a sensitive guy 😔

“Mrs howard i blew down the house” 🥺🤏🏻 I love the kids being so central in this ep, I’ve missed that recently, and the kindergarteners are soooo cute

“🐷 I am a pig 🐺 i am a wolf 😄 and im a librarian who thinks she can just change everything around here 👋” IJBOL no please give sheryl another emmy I beg

“This programme is more of a distraction than an improvement” that’s teaaa actually. Thats so often what councils etc do, distract with new flashy things rather than fix the real problems. Even though in this case it’s well meaning it does make u think how big a priority should the library actually be? But actually children reading is super important and what did they say last season? The librarian was an alexa in glasses? 🤣

“You okay? You look like raven having a vision” 😭 you don’t understand how often i say this

I have thoughts on Barbara’s intentions and my instinct is gregory needs to keep her name out his mouth. I do think it’s really important that Janine stood up to Barbara, just maybe gregory made barbara seem worse than she was

“It’s been a rough week I could use the pick me up” i just love mr johnson

My immediate reaction was this one of my favourite episodes of the season - lots of excellent Barb moments, the kids, more mr johnson, story arcs I enjoyed and felt completed.

Janine standing up to Barbara was a really big deal for her considering her hatred of conflict and worship of barbara as a mother figure. It made me really proud to see how far janine has come.

But the longer since watching the less I like it. And it’s two main things:

- the jacob melissa room mate situation feels like jumping the shark for plots sake and not something realistic for those characters. So as much as I enjoy them and their dynamic and their growth it just feels fake.

- I dont care about the librarian. The set up feels like she could stick around and I just don’t care for new characters, I like my main people. (But then the same apprehension was had w the district people and they’ve not seemed to be around much).

I do still really like this ep and it definitely ranks highly in the season, just idk, some eps I enjoy more over time but this has made me feel more confused as to what will happen next I guess.

[1ore]

rotating blighted trahearne in my brain so that i can do basically anything but what I'm supposed to be doing.

one of the funny consequences of doing story missions on Yuri Six-Cants is that Trahearne is relegated to b-plot nonsense. The last one was Knight of the Thorn. now it's been the Season 4 Skyscale stuff.

as we know, everything that ever happens to blighted Trahearne in-game is canon, so my justification for this is that Mordy has been reading about Tyrian psychology to better understand the minds of heterotrophs. He is... hmmmmmm... a better mastermind at the macro scale than he is at the interpersonal scale. For him, this is like trying to have a dialogue with your body's individual cells. Anyway, he's learned about the concept of "self-parenting" and is taking it a little too literally.

Previously, it seemed like Trahearne and Mordremoth were becoming mentally "integrated" to the point of indistinguishable from one another... Or maybe Mordy was retreating from the conscious sphere and into the subconscious instead. Despite being better brain-roommates than they were six years ago, Trahearne is still not terribly enthusiastic about the idea of harboring a Dragon, and he keeps Mordy (or what he thinks of as Mordy) on a tight leash. Maybe it's easier for the Dragon to get what he wants if Trahearne thinks it's all his idea, or maybe the divisions between them are completely artificial, and what "Trahearne" conceives of as "Mordy" is just whatever thought/feeling he happens to dislike in the moment.

This whole Kralky business has driven a rift between them, though. The sparknotes version is this:

During Commander Six-Cants' ill-fated mission to kill and eat god defeat Balthazar, Mordy and Trahearne's interests align enough that the divisions between them dissolve. Yuri's death kind of seals the deal, because any uncertainty that Trahearne has about whether Mordremoth actually gives a shit vanishes when they involuntarily turn into a big dragon and have a dragon tantrum about his death.   (Incidentally, this is when Trahearne is the least opposed to the idea of trying to use his weird dragon powers for good, and also the most well put-together he's been in years. Involuntary dragon tantrum is humbling, but weirdly affirming. Since this happens in Elona, where nobody really knows who he is, he's not sinking under the weight of anyone's failed expectations but his own. Elona also has precedent for two (2) whole dragons that are sympathetic to Tyrian life, so this is like "yeah this might as well be happening" for the people around him. It Could Be Worse!)  

Things start to fall apart after Balthazar's death, when Kralky enters the picture. There is cognitive dissonance between what Mordremoth thinks of Kralkatorrik vs. Trahearne thinks of Kralkatorrik, which they can't reconcile.   Mordremoth feels empathy (or the closest thing a Dragon can feel to empathy) for his brother, who--like him--was betrayed by his own creations. And like him, there is a possibility that Kralky is about to experience the same incomprehensible sense of smallness that Mordy experienced at the hands of the Pact. Or death. Probably death!   Meanwhile, Trahearne has learned nothing from the past six years and wants to throttle that stupid purple lizard, because Kralkatorrik branded Commander Atropos. this is a whole thing we can't get into right now, but she's going to be ffffffffffine. probably  

This leaves them as two distinct minds again. Mordremoth pulls away to try to reach out to his brother, while Trahearne returns to his old marching orders. They are briefly reunited after Aurene's death (dragon tantrum.........2!) but this falls apart after the Pact's final campaign against Kralky.  

Which brings us back to Season 4 Skyscale b-plot: Mordy and Trahearne are baffled that things seemed to be going relatively well, and then fell apart in such confusing ways. Mordy doesn't get why it's such a big deal that there is a division between them again (didn't you hate the idea of assimilation?) and Trahearne is still reeling from the whirlwind of emotions (his own and Mordy's) that colored every interaction with Kralky.

Mordremoth's concern for his brother dredges up Trahearne's unresolved guilt about being estranged from the Pale Tree, the other Firstborn, and the Sylvari at large. Recognizing this, Mordy is like. Ohhhhhhh. I see. My errant root saddled you with impossible expectations. I know how to fix this. <- about to make it worse

The Dragon's bumbling efforts to unpack Trahearne's baggage are rebuffed until, I think, Mordy accrues enough energy to manifest on his own, physically apart from Trahearne. He might be a useless little dough creature at first, but in Trahearne's mind, this is a complete disaster and he has to contain it. Things really start to fall apart when Mordy takes more elaborate shapes in response, under the mistaken assumption that Trahearne's engagement in this means it's "working."

Trahearne ends up going down that old "I am alone and I am a failure and I can't even be the prison of an Elder Dragon correctly" spiral. The only thing more mortifying than having a psychic breakdown in front of the Dragon (who is also you) is having a psychic breakdown in front of the Dragon (who is also comforting you.)

something something this nugget of Pale Tree dialogue:

Now do you see? The Pale Tree's voice was faint and distant, but it snapped Ceara back to viewing the tree from a distance. If you are not one with what you were born to be, you are lost. Worse, you are dangerous.

if you can't find unconditional love at the Grove, homemade is fine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sucktacular]

cw weight loss mention.

today.... is a good readmore!! good news!! a lil bit of a vent here and there cuz my brain is a mine field, but over all im feeling kind of good?

not to like.... pat my own lil head about it or anything but i went outside today. AND i went on a WALK on my OWN around the neighbourhood.... I've never walked around here on my own, and i think the last time I went out for a walk on my own was a year and a half ago when i had to come out here to check out the room for rent (current room). so its really been a hot fuckin minute. i was honestly feeling super anxious. but i put in my head phones and listened to my music and text-talked to some friends and it made it a lil easier. ; w;

I've been working out a lot too for the past few days!!!! My lil weights and lots of other exercises.... I feel really good about it so far honestly and I really hope maybe I can keep this up. especially through winter.

honestly im terrified of winter coming. i really dont want to feel stuck inside again and things get worse? I want so badly to go outside on my own. Be able to do shopping when I need. Go get little treats! Take care of myself and my needs. I'd really really like to work on getting a job or some sort of money source.because disability denied me over and over despite having even a therapist letter confirming like. heyyy theyre fucked up!!!, but like.... i want so badly to have money again. and i want to save and i want to put it away and also... being on social assistance im not allowed to leave canada for more than 7 days in a row and that is straining the FUCK out of my relationship and like my life moving forward at all in general. we cant go on a trip to the Adirondacks for the seasonal change and im super fucking bummed out about it honestly. and its literally just cuz of social assistance keeping me at home. its literally so fucked.

but anyway. im trying my fucking damnedest and im trying soooooo hard to keep upright and now sink and slip back down. Ive got some friends in my corner. and thats great. but its all on me at the end of the day. and if im being frank i fucking HATE HOW IM LIVING!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT!!!! TO BE DEPENDANT!!!! ON PEOPLE!!!!! i dont want to be stuck at home, the summer is fucking gone and i barely did anything.... i want to go out! i want to go to concerts! i want to go to festivals!! i want to go to meet ups and visit friends and i want to do so many fucking things!!! i want to explore, i want to see the world, i want to eat food and meet ppl and experience. i want so much out of my life. but im absolutely holding myself back. and i know its not entirely on me to just push myself out of that because i also dont want to burn out. and i know mental illness and i know i know i know.

but

im so tired of this. im literally clawing in my cage here and i dont feel like anyone really GETS that? idk idk maybe ppl do im just out of my mind and this ISNT ME. this isnt who i want to be, and i know i dont really get much of an option in that? cuz my brain is going to fucking keep doing what it is doing. but i AM getting therapy. I AM talking about the hard hard fucking shit. the shit that makes me want to kms the shit that makes me want to peel my skin off or just disappear entirely. im trying. and i dont want to crash and i dont want to burn and go back to this again. but like... idk man if i dont fucking push myself up im NOT gonna get back up. im complacent in the comfort of hiding away from life. when i want nothing more than to love everyone and kiss my friends faces and hold their hands and go to places and see things and eat things and do stuff blah blah blah

im strong.. im smart.. im creative... I CAN dance the dance. but im terrorized by the thought of existing enough to not be wanted around by even just one person LMAO;;;;;;

anyway this is getting a bit venty but

I WENT OUT!!! I WALKED FOR LIKE 30MIN. I GOT SWEATY. I CAME HOME. I WORKED A LITTLE. I DID MY DISHES YESTERDAY. I WORKED UP A HUGE SWEAT LAST NIGHT. I MAKE MY BED EVERY DAY. THE WEATHER IS CHILLING. I LOST 20LBS SINCE APRIL!!!! I HAVE A BETTER SLEEP SCHEDULE AND IM TRYING MY DAMNEST TO KEEP BRING IT BACK A BIT MORE (4/6am - 3/4pm right now. I'd love to wake up by 10am at minimum honestly). IM MOTIVATED IM TRYING SO FUCKING HARD.

i need to remember im independent. and i fucking adore my independence. and i need to stop being so complacent to allow ppl to care for me. like obv my heart is open to it and i let people in and i dont shy away. to be a human is to care and receive care. but my independence is a deeply deeply personal thing for me and without it im... just not myself. im just not me. im just not at my full potential. and i reallllly need to work it out.

[metanarrates]

okay but it would be nice to hear u go off about fakir give us the juicy deets

idk man its bad in so many ways I don't even know how to describe it. why is this [gestures vaguely to the entire author plot] what we're doing with his character now. it doesn't mesh very well with his reincarnated knight thing. rather than being a victim of fate who fights against his narrative role, he is now some guy who had the power within him all along. it seems like the show's sort of forgotten that his ultimate fate in the fairy tale is to die, actually. I don't get it. it's so out of nowhere, especially since we've spent the last six or so episodes literally repeating plot. did they realize they were running out of time and had to speedrun an entire new character arc onto fakir at the last minute...? if so, that sucks.

i feel like this could have worked maybe if this had been better seeded throughout the season? I still would find it at odds with his knight role, but it could have felt like SOMETHING at all if we had gotten stuff about it before now. maybe it could have been worked into the themes or hinted at a little bit. it wouldn't be great, but nothing could be worse than dropping this on the audience like an acme piano in the last half of the season.

ALSO WHY DO HIS AUTHOR POWERS HAVE TO BE BLOOD RELATED WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE BLOOD RELATED TO FIX A PROBLEM CANT HE JUST HAVE THIS POWER BECAUSE HE HAS THE WILL TO FIGHT FATE OR SOMETHING WHY DOES HE NEED TO BE A SPECIALBOY WITH A SPECIAL ANCESTOR

sorry. i don't like this plot lol

[twildflower]

watching build fighters oh my fucking god i love my boys so much

fucnin yapping again guys i think i might have adhd

why the hell do i keep saying guys. i nedd hep i need to be killed

i miss them so much theyre so silly i am sooooooo ajhdgfshfga this is so much nostalgia im aghgfhgsgkjfhakfhajkhdsjh and just episode one too i cant think how hype id get watching finale itll be so fucking awesome I LOVEEEE BUILD FIGHTER my fav gundam show.... mercury is second i guess i only watched mercury and i think its iron blood or whatever its called in eng im not even sure if its gundam lol but anyway i love sei and reiji theyre actually sooo damn <3333 i think they were the first two guys i ship together bc theyre actually so gay even tho reiji has a gf or whatever its like one of the first pieces of media i consumed and didnt just like whichever main ship the plot has... yea iirc. i think theres mainly only jp twinkle n shugo chara before build fighters but then i went back to main ship in pokemon xy and macross delta lmao... shits awesome tho i think im cool and like whatever i like i love sei so much hes so adorable and reiji is so cool and theyre blue and red theyre so made for each other like ahhghdgfsjgfhsgfisgfjgfjdghsuifguiwdg i think i mightve gave myself way too much adraline its fuckin 430 am and i wanted to cut my hair a bit tmr agh damn. i guess i could stay up the night and binge....hehe....... was watching horizons too i love horizons a lot i really dont mind ash not being protag anymore but the fact that they ended with him looking like a fuckin ugly ass idiot that looks even worse than gen 1 ash tho..... i have beef with only that fact bc like fuck you man i hate whoever the fuck made that artstyle after xyz with a passion i think tney deserve to go to hell. the fact that its a downgrade from gen1 is crazy. i dont hate that artsyle but i hate the way ash is drawn in that artysle like most other people look okay but the past travel companions and ash look fucking shit and i think theyre doing it on purpose and i fucking HATE THEM

ermm back to gunpla hehe its 6 am im so tired im gonna sleep em anyway i love them soso much damn id so build a gunpla of their moedel in the episdoe.... yknow my dad used to record the edpisodes when they played on tv and idk was it a bug or there wasnt enough space anymore so he deleted all the episodes excepgt the las one or maybe seocnd last im not sure but anyway we kept rewatching it every now and then and go feral over how awesone it was it was the best endin episode i wached when i was a kid like shugo chara i didnt watch or they didnt play till like season 2/3 i think the wedding dress end and all that shit was crazy but the only other thing i watched was jewelpet and it was like not as crazy as this one i like it alot but build fighters was a lot more visually and emotionallly stunning lollll

i think if i had to choose a best ending for all the stuff i watched itd still be xyz tbh that shit was stunning and so. urgh. my heart. i get. so much agsjhahlf. its just so good. peaked tbh. then itd probably be build fighters tbh like idk man. delta was like. cool. very cool. but like. idk. build fighters either is more nostalgic or whatever it just appeals to me more than macross. it would be third tho. i think it is. then itd be shugo and then twinkle. these are like. the main stuff i have really core memorty w lmao. yeh i uess this is it. gn im so eepy

last edit lol i didnt remember the uhhh handsome guy being just a guy that also liked gunpla a lot at the start lmaooo i just remember him being a bad guy turned good at the end w everyone to help destory the crystal........aghhhh i loveeeeee build fighters sm.....

oh yeah i guess i did watch brs too. black rock would like. hm. be at the bottom tho bc..idk. i dont have too fond memory and i like my stuff better i have my prioritys lmaooo.. hm. yeah now i really dont rmb anything i just remembered brs bc the blacckkk rockkkk shooooterrrrr is just ringing in my head its such a good song owo

[rabbitofharmony]

so, as my thoughts on the new expac

• housing i can already imagine the micro transaction hell that that will be, but as a devils advicate, this possibly would allow them to have less? like right now, alot of new armors and such are behind the pay wall, and for outfits thats fine, but, maybe this means that they might put more in the game that wont take gems? and with housing, maybe they will help the crafting systme too, allowing scribes to sell furniture would be HUGE , like, look at FFXIV furniture market right???. •spears i cant deny that i am exited, weather its on my revenent dragoon cosplay, or even a new option for my warrior, im sure this will bring so much to the game, but, my focus drifts, to where spears are equipped? are they making it so the aquatic area will be a seperate weapon slot? will we need to have two spears or will one legendary spear be enough for both land and sea? and what of tridents and spearguns? it would be great to see engineer getting some love in here too, or maybe spear will be a unlocked weapoin throughout? big worry that spears are some weird mastery thing that are the same across all classes, like the same wep set, or abilities? but thats just me worse case scenaroing, im confedent thats not the case •the story so , spoilers i will try and keep to a minimum,, there are a few things i want to touch on stop reading and avert your eyes are you sure? ok youve kept reading this far im gonna yap so, in the last part of soto, there was talk of "the rifts were seen by all" "you cant expect to hide anymore after this" "what is the astrial ward gonna do now?" "a half hidden secret is more dangurus than one fully uncovered" ect there was also a lil blurb at the end that had aneise saying hay, girl where you at, to the murssaut related lady and we see caithe in the trailer, all of this points to many possibilities, especially with how caithe said "wait is that" in the trailer which points to a possibility of something from her history being brought back, many chips could be played here, aurene, someone from destines edge, maybe even, "wait why is zojja with you" or, somthing to do with the sylvari? the possiblities are quite endless, but its getting me to bubble on the thoughts about it, the koden are there and what we learned about them from season 3 might come back or maybe they dont even refure to the same culture they could be an offshoot like the omicron and charr, but all of that aside caithe means something more,. it raises the question of weather or not we are going to still be wayfinder, like, us becoming commander could mean many things for what was laid down in soto, us being recognized as wayfinder to our old couliges could mean so many things too, i tire of typing, but dont really have anyone to talk to who is caught up on story, so, i thought i would dump out all of my thoughts current as of 6-5-24 thank you for induldging my gushing

[harmcityherald]

I started the cycle of chemo again Sunday night. Immediate dizziness, which I was already used to but last night was particular hell. my eyes have been getting worse all week. what started as itching and excessive watering has become unbearable discomfort and the bags that have formed under my eyes are quite remarkable. In my sleep last night I was running a fever and being soaked caused me to shiver uncontrollably. the thing with the eyes worries me because of my ankles last time. Im worried the eyes may be cancer related/exacerbated like the ankles were. time will tell.

I finished my discovery/strange new worlds run and I double down on it being some of the best star trek ever. I do have one criticism, Kirk. the new Kirk reminds me of dumphy from modern family. Not that I don't like dumphy, theres no dumpy hate happening here. Chris pine was better than that, he had some aloof, cool little spark you could see maybe yes this could be a young Kirk. that guy is too....dumphy. hard to imagine him inheriting enterprise. I know season 5 is going to be the last and a movie about section 31 sound great. Anyway it was nice to have some good sci fi to intersect my eternal watchings of Ds9 and voyager and my forever loyalty to babylon5. to come out with only one criticism is good. Im not even going to mention the musical episode Im still trying to block that out. they always gotta do that. even lexx had a Gilbert and Sullivan episode. maddening. In real life, in the middle of some world shaking crisis, if someone just starts belting out a song, I will physically strike you. even when they did it on lexx I was in the background saying " the dead do not sing" and Im a musician who is saying this. stop polluting our sci fi dilemmas with your tap and dance numbers. and change that Kirk. he looks like he'd be too at home on a golf course. too bad pike gets melted. he's a better captain. I mean that in a fictional context too. its like some greasy studio exec in 1966 said "nooo that captian is too good we need a cowboy womanizer from the Midwest so I can like something about this show." oh wait, thats exactly what happened. maybe it would have been a better enterprise with pike as originally written. who can say?

also with 5 being the last season I will be robbed of seeing kahn and the botany bay. and maybe Vger. That would be something wouldn't it? Dumpy meets Vger.

cant wait to see Michelle Yoeh come back in this section 31 movie. she was superb and you all know I have a weak spot for villainess'. my wife has adopted her as her new icon. my wife, who I nickname artemeshia. lol. Yes, I have a type. anyway that is my update review and ranting for the evening. carefully curated for political content. go watch some sci fi.

ciao~

[intizzies]

on jackie & her parents .

ok. ok jackie meta pt 1 time.

DISCLAIMER! this is my interpretation based on canon, my own thoughts and a few fics i've read, for my own characterisation of jackie <3

so aside from all of the wasted potential of her parents' emotional and physical abandonment being involved in, idk - her STORY ARCS that might actually last for more than an episode at a time maybe (massive massive amounts of shade @ t70s writers & showrunners)

i also have to talk about the wasted potential of her parents' attitude towards her when they are actually physically and emotionally present.

her mother, pam, seems to be somewhat of an alcoholic, and her father, jack, seems to be a social climber somewhat, or born into blood money. I'm going with the perspective that he was born into a high-society environment - still worked hard but had that leg up already.

ignoring the writers' inconsistencies with this and basically disregarding most mentions of pam in season 1, we can paint a picture of a bored ex-housewife who has given up on sticking around the house and who travels almost constantly, acting as though she is completely single with no strings. I believe this started just before jackie started highschool. to me, it appears as though pam was around when jackie was a child, had a real estate business (if we take season 1 into account) and wasn't involved in things very much - which makes sense, considering the family hires staff to take care of everything, including jackie, so pam doesn't have to.

jack, on the other hand, wasn't around. this is directly referenced in season 1, on career day (??) when red is teaching her Car Things (idk anything about cars im 25 and cant drive). she says jack works hard and isn't around much to teach her things like this, essentially. I'm willing to take this a step further and propose that jack was only occasionally ever at home, and when he was, tension with pam was high.

jack, though, i believe, really loves jackie. she is his pride and joy - he just is too emotionally stunted to show it in any way aside from buying her gifts and expensive things, which has made jackie equate money and materialism with love. unfortunately, he goes to jail before she can really start to build an adult relationship with her - essentially officially abandoning her.

i recently read a fic where jack had a whole secret family, and i think this could be really interesting to think about, but i don't think i'll include this in my interpretation of jackie. (the fanfic is Hyde's Long Way Home and it's probs the best fic i've ever read so READ IT fr)

in this fic, pam was VERY psychologically abusive to jackie, and this is something i'd like to explore and adopt in my own characterisation. it really adds a layer to her (deserved) hostility to her mother and her reluctance to contact her. basically, pam says some nasty shit to jackie when she becomes a teenager and her prettiness comes into play. she becomes jealous when jackie starts dating and she's stuck with a husband she never sees and doesn't love anymore. her comments and remarks are always based on the fact she has more experience than her daughter and that her daughter's friends find her attractive / she knows they moon over her. if pam is as delulu as jackie is, then she is convinced all of jackie's friends want to bang her tbh.

she makes this known to jackie, sometimes quite crudely, and it eats away at her slowly, coinciding with kelso's constant cheating and hyde's emotional walls and commitment issues. Even worse when her mother returns from her travels in new mexico because she 'got bored' - NOT because she wanted to see jackie - and her male friends immediately go bananas over her. (apart from hyde, because he's smarter than that. speaking of which, jackie doesn't tell a soul about this treatment from her mother, including him)

with this interpretation in mind, think jackie knows that her mother doesn't want the responsibility of having a daughter. she knows that pam has impossible standards and is more materialistic than she can bare to be. jackie learns a lot of social cues and attitudes from her, which she spends a lot of the time throughout canon (and beyond in my interpretation) trying to reverse. hyde helps her do this a lot when they're together.

if pam had wanted to see jackie, she'd have come home when her father went to prison and she had no guardian to look after her. her immediate relationship with bob instead of focusing on repairing her relationship with jackie shows us that she hasn't changed and isn't interested in her daughter.

jackie is so used to trying to persuade her mother to want to be around her and she is so used to putting all of her hopes for attention from her father into gifts and material possessions that she is really demanding towards her other relationships too. she thinks she has to pressure people and tell people exactly what she wants in order to get it because she never gets any sort of love by just being herself usually. when she doesn't get what she wants, it's a rejection, and is super triggering to her - her thoughts go 'if ___ doesn't give me ___ they don't love me and i really am unlovable. if i'm unlovable, they'll leave me, and i have to a) stop that from happening or b) leave first before they can see they've hurt me'.

a) means completely freaking out and panicking. she'll go into overdrive and break down, have a hysteria moment, mostly authentically, sometimes manipulatively (i.e running out of the room because she can't handle her emotions vs crying to get hyde to go to the prom with her)

b) really is temporary. she will never leave someone permanently, as seen throughout the show. even when she closes the door on kelso for good (we aren't counting 90s here) she is still good friends with him and loves him in a different way. she doesn't stop loving, and this is one of the admirable things about her.

jackie is so full of love and she's only ever wanted someone to want it.

[wildheadtendsherhair]

2022/12/08

No-pick Challenge

I feel like i picked yesterday but i cant remember any instances so we gonna call that a win. Picking has been very hard not to do this morning. Maybe because my skin is worse than usual. But ive only touched my face so far.

Hair Status

I dont know if its the showering everyday, but my scalp last night felt a bit irritated. It feels less irritated this morning. Not unusually oily or dirty or anything.

Also feels a bit more strawlike recently. Again, unsure if its the frequent washings, at least directly. It may be because my recent showers have been on the longer side (relatively; i switched to quick showers shortly after the dry season started and my skin all over started chapping). Was really tempted to rever to my old habit of "Head feels bad? Wash less!" strat but instead i will return to shorter showers and see what that does.

[teeforhee]

HI SO GUESS WHOS BINGING THE SECOND SEASON OF IASIP ON THE LIVING ROOM TV BCUS HE DUNKED HIS PHONE IN THE SINK AND NOW HIS HEADPHONES DONT WORK. THIS BASTARD THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.