#but anyway i didn’t get to go to my first concert until i was 15 and then i didn’t go to any for almost 2 years bc of covid

[steviescrystals]

considering like 80% of the conversations i have with my dad are about all the concerts i go to and all the ones he went to when he was younger i’m kind of shocked it’s taken this long for us to go to one together

[cosmichahn]

PINING

Melissa Schemmenti x Fem!Reader —☆

about: they always said what happens at PECSA, stays at PECSA...but not this one.

warning/s: mild cursing

word count: 2.6k

note/s: this has been sitting in my drafts for a while, whoops! but anw, hope you guys enjoy it :)

“Philadelphia 76ers tickets?” You whisper-ask whilst looking at Ava who had just announced it to everyone. “Yeah, I’ll pass.”

It’s teacher appreciation week, and to be fair, you just want to see the band club perform for tomorrow’s assembly. It’s a little piece that you helped them prepare for all of the teachers to watch. This one was kept as a little secret from Janine; no offense to her, but you thought she might twist the crooks and nooks a little with the performance if she found out.

“We have a strong contender, everyone.” Ava grins with malice after what you said which left everyone confused.

“Why are you passing on this opportunity?” Janine gasped, sounding as though she had just got offended.

“If it were a concert from an artist I liked, I wouldn’t pass.” You shrug. “It isn’t, and I might just get confused with everything.”

“I know who to give the two tickets now to, oh, yes.” The principal says which then catches everyone’s attention away from you.

Gregory then asks suspiciously. “What do you mean, two?”

“We only have two tickets and I was gonna give them two to only one teacher.” Ava explained, hearing groans from everyone while you decided to silently excuse yourself and head to your classroom which is on the second floor.

---

Some of the morning classes have passed, and thus, the first break of the day before lunch. Set in the teachers’ lounge, chaos was something not to be avoided, until Ava asked for everyone to go to the library for an emergency meeting, as well as ask for a Sprite.

As you were about to go on by yourself, Ava proceeded to send you a message that asked for said Sprite. With a silent groan, but a small feel of relief, you just went ahead quickly. Thankfully, the fast food place with Sprite was near the school anyway.

At first, you were a bit lazy to drive off, but on second thought, the meeting was gonna be about the tickets anyway; so it didn’t really bother you as much. You wouldn’t want to spend half an hour listening to others bickering about tickets, although it would be a funny sight to see them arguing and bantering over who gets the tickets, likewise what Ava would feel if she saw that scene herself.

You were then soon on your way to the library after about 15 minutes of driving there and back where you got yourself something while also including Ava’s Sprite. And as you entered the library, “Sorry for being late, Ava. Here’s your Spri-”

“Here is our winner, the owner of the two tickets!” She announced proudly, presenting you similarly to some kind of prize.

Your eyes widened, and your eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, Ava, no! You know what happened the last time you gave something similar to someone who didn’t want it.” Everyone’s stare then transferred to Daryl and his eyelashes. “And why me? Why not Mr. Johnson?”

“Yeah, she’s damn right. I deserve it!” Mr. Johnson preaches from behind with a broom in his hand, like a staff from some Dungeons & Dragons game.

“Because you don’t have anyone to go with and I can be the perfect match to accompany you to this game.” Ava says with a huge smile plastered on her face. “Unless you’re gonna bring your secret girlfriend to the game. Betrayal.” She then looks at Melissa who catches up on what she just said.

“Oh, she’s not- '' You try to explain, placing the fast food bag on one of the tables. “No, no, Ava, you got it wrong.” You add, chuckling nervously.

“Yeah, that’s not what my ears found out when I heard all the flirting in each other’s classrooms, huh?” Ava teased.

“I think this is a little more interesting than basketball right now.” Janine whispers to Jacob and Gregory with a little laugh that escapes her mouth.

“Didn’t we bet on this?” Jacob replies.

With Gregory saying, “Yes, you guys did.”

It started around when the school year started and you and Melissa began to grow closer to each other after a debacle about different cuisines. She mostly stuck with Italian, and you, on the other hand, explored different dishes from different cultures. It was a mutual love for food; that could perhaps have also turned into a mutual liking and interest for each other.

“It’s just a little flirting, Ava.” Melissa shrugs her shoulders, with you agreeing.

“A little friendly banter.” You add.

“PECSA Weekend.” Jacob says and coughs in between words that earned various curious looks from the other teachers and Janine’s eyes widening with her mouth trying to cover a stifled laugh.

You feel a little awkward while mouthing, ‘What the fuck?’ You shake your head at Jacob, with eyebrows furrowed.

‘For the sake of the tickets.’ He mouths back, giving you an apologetic and yet competitive smile.

After nodding your head at him with a ‘What the living Christ, dude?’ expression, you announce that you will be withdrawing from this ridiculous somewhat of a scam that the district offered to the teachers.

“Yeah, let me just slide out of this room. Settle this yourselves.” You purse your lip, before waving goodbye.

Jacob’s gaze transfers to Melissa’s who looks at him with threat as he gulps in an invisible lump in his throat, making his palms extra sweatier than usual.

---

Meanwhile, just as everyone left the library, Janine and Jacob huddled while walking to their classrooms; with Gregory following them from behind. “I knew it. Something did happen at PECSA.” Jacob says, looking behind him to see if Melissa was behind them or so. “You could say that I am a good guesser.”

“As intriguing as this is, we should just let them be.” Gregory interrupts, before getting laughter as a reply.

“And pass this opportunity for destined love to not intertwine?” Janine raises an eyebrow with a cheeky smile. “Not gonna happen.”

“I’m just thinking of those Basketball tickets.” He says in defense as the two agree.

While that conversation continued on to be about Philadelphia 76ers and board game night, Melissa and Barbara were having a little talk while also heading to their respective classrooms.

“Now how did Jacob know about it?” Melissa wondered with suspicion. She’s fine with people finding out, sure, but she’s thinking of your friendship with her and how some people can be a little extra nosy, which she isn’t a fan of.

“Well, you know Jacob and Janine. Almost always up for schemes and so on.” Barbara says before waving goodbye as she then arrives at her classroom.

Melissa thinks to herself quietly while beginning her class. She enjoyed each and every second with you that night. Intoxicated by alcohol or not, she likes listening to every word you say because it just keeps her ears up. She’s known you for only about a couple of months given that you were only a new teacher at Abbott.

You’ve melted her under your grasp, and though she may be older, you never once made her feel as though she is. You make her feel young and more alive, while at the same time keeping her on her toes. She likes that you reciprocate to her talking about firefighters and different Italian dishes, as well as her family. Melissa isn’t one to trust people too quickly, but she slowly found herself warming up to you.

This has been a constant thought in her head, as well as it’s yours. Just a constant loop. A game of tag. The type of unrequited love that’s obviously mutual love that everyone can see, but manages to not be for both you and Melissa.

---

After that small inconvenience, or say, exposing secrets in the library, you’re now behind your desk with your laptop in front of you while your class is writing an essay.

The laptop is opened just so you can occupy yourself with something. Just some numbers you’re crunching and a few tests that you’re checking up that you’ll return to your students soon.

Your thoughts then wander to that said PECSA weekend. Alcohol was involved, a bunch of Math-a-ritas later and you’re caught up making out with the hot redhead teacher who just so happens to be Melissa. No feelings were confessed that night, but surely those actions meant something. Hopefully. As you would think.

It remained in your head how it felt the way her hands lingered all over your body, the small groans, her lips against yours. It wasn’t a hookup or a one night stand that happened, as all of it was simply just kissing the whole night until who knows what time it was.

You brought it upon yourself to get drunk with Melissa and invite her to your room; it didn’t take her a second to say yes to you before feeling your back against the cold door with her hand trickling over to the door knob to lock it. She kissed you well, and touched you in places she left cold when she sneaked out the following morning.

‘Didn’t want suspicions to linger. Sorry.’  That was the message she sent when you woke up with your clothes disarray and your lipstick smudges, with her trailing on your neck.

That was about a month ago. Surely, some things changed over the course of a month. Exchanging text messages over those couple of weeks changed, you weren’t that close to each other anymore, and the constant ‘What are we?’ lingered in your mind for more than you want it to.

That night changed what you and Melissa had. For the worse or for the better? You didn’t know.

You sigh in your chair, waiting for the bell to ring as this calls for your next lesson, Music. This one is with Janine’s class.

“Deep in thought, Miss?” Amanda asks. She’s one of the students sitting near your desk. Not with worried intent, but with curiosity.

“Go back to your essay, kid.” You look at her as if denying something in mind.

“Ok, Mrs. Schemmenti.” She blurts out before everyone in the room echoed with ‘Oooh.’s Amanda laughs at your embarrassed demeanor before she apologizes that that might have ended up being a little too personal.

As it turns out word got out about Jacob mentioning PECSA weekend, and not only that, but it was heard by one of the students from Jacob and Gregory’s podcast club, This Abbott Life.

---

Music class went by like a quick second as it was just a little jamming session with the second graders from Janine’s class.

It’s the end of morning class which means that lunch is on its arrival. Lunch which meant that you have to face Melissa after what seemed like only a small incident that happened a while ago. And so upon pondering over what to do or where to go just to avoid an upcoming awkward situation, you exit the music room after dismissing the class and decide to go to your own classroom upstairs to eat lunch.

Walking from down the stairs was Jacob who saw you then gulped from nervousness with the awareness of what he did, but surprisingly, you didn’t notice it. Although behind you exiting a classroom was someone Jacob was a little more terrified of. Melissa. She then catches his eyes, making him rush towards the teachers’ lounge.

As you sit quietly in your classroom, on your desk is the lunch you brought and a book you’ve been reading lately. A couple moments pass and you’re indulged in the story you’re reading. It’s a nice book you’ve been wanting to read in a while, something Melissa recommended to you some time ago. You do miss the closeness you two had before PECSA.

Well, most people say that what happens in PECSA stays in PECSA, but in your case, it probably isn’t.

“I see you’re finally reading it.” Her familiar voice dances in between the words printed in the book, which catches your attention. She greets you with a smile.

“Oh! Hello, Melissa.” You greet with half a smile, inserting the bookmark into the book and carefully closing it so as for it not to crease, before welcoming her to come inside.

“How’s it so far?” Melissa leans on one of the windowsills. She seemed really intrigued as to what your thoughts were, but that wasn’t exactly the reason why she came up here to you.

“It’s so far so good.” You fidget with the printed cover of it. “It’s a very intriguing book with well written characters.”

Melissa grabs one of the chairs and places it beside you, ready to listen to your thoughts on the book, but instead, she was met by the silence of obvious thoughts that lingered through your mind.

“Are you alright, hon?” She worries.

You feel as though this is the perfect opportunity to talk about it after acting as though you were cool about it, about everything that happened. That nothing worried and haunted you.

“We should talk about, you know.” You say it as straightforward. “While we have time for lunch.”

“What about it?” She asks, her voice as gentle as the way she held you that night.

Your fingers begin to fiddle with each other out of habit. “Were there some feelings involved?” You went in straight to the flame. “Did you kiss me because I wanted to kiss you, or did you kiss me because you wanted to kiss me?”

“What do you think happened that night?” A question with curiosity that overflowed.

“Well, we got drunk, went to my room, started making out, then the next morning, you left.” Instead of receiving a proper response, you instead get a chuckle out of her. “What’s funny?”

In between soft chuckling, she says, “You’re missing a few details, sweetheart.”

“Is that so?” You ask anxiously before feeling her hand take yours, circling her thumb on your palm.

“You know, when we got on your bed you suddenly ran away.” She recalls. “You ran away to the bathroom and all I heard was vomit and gagging.”

You felt shivers behind your back, feeling embarrassed over something so blurry in your mind and barely there.

“After that, you just kept on crying.” Her gaze softens as she catches your eyes. “You were scared that me hearing you vomiting over the toilet made you lose your chances with me and so you didn’t want to kiss me again.” She purses and licks her lips. “You said stuff about how you feel as though I deserve someone better.”

“I would have helped you clean up, but you refused and just left me hanging there for a good half an hour.” Melissa placed her glasses on top of her head. “We ended up just hugging each other the whole night. I was gonna say something but you fell asleep.”

“You can say it to me now.”  You smile a little.

With hesitance, Melissa starts talking. “Look, I wanted to tell you the next day, but you know, I’m not the best at opening up.” Your hand creeps up onto the side of her neck as she takes this and places it on her cheek. “I have feelings for you too. I like you, and there isn’t a day where your chances of having me lessen.”

A smile of relief grows on your face, laughing out of embarrassment with Melissa soon following your laughter. “God, we are so naive.” You say, rolling your eyes playfully out of the ridiculousness of the situation.

You pull your chair closer to hers, getting a little closer to her. Your eyes trail to her lips and she notices this, letting go of your hand and holding your face to meet her lips with yours. The kiss felt more passionate, with the taste of morning coffee surprisingly still within her lips.

“We shouldn’t be doing this on school grounds.” You whisper in between kisses that Melissa continued to give you.

And so midway she stops. “Are you telling me that I should bring you home?” She looks at you with intent and need.

“Friday.”

[thunderon]

alright more pre-crash yellowjackets thoughts! this time: shitty high school jobs they had! (i worked 5 different shitty minimum wage jobs between the ages of 15-18 and have thought about the concept with more gravity than it deserves sorry)

shauna: was a tutor during the school year for literally every subject. she was the only reason jeff and randy passed their junior year. even though she could use the money, shauna never charged any of her teammates if they needed some help. when school was out during the summers, she had a seasonal job at the concession stand at the local concert venue. pretty easy money and she liked listening to the bands play

jackie: unemployed. being the coolest girl in school is a full time job, after all! note: tried to get a job with shauna at the concession stand. it was a complete and utter disaster. she lasted a week, and only made it that long because of how much shauna covered for her. after that didn’t pan out, when shauna worked weekends, jackie would always buy a concert ticket… just to hang out by the concession stand and talk with shauna for the whole show

nat: her first job was working at the local pizza parlor. was employed there for 6 months until it got shut down because, as it turns out, the whole thing was a money laundering front for the mob (which explains why nat never got fired despite being actually kinda bad at making pizzas). after that, she goes to work the 6pm-midnight shift at the grimiest gas station in wiskayok. except for the occasional stick up, it was a quiet job where no one bothered her and she could buy her own cigarettes. however she was constantly sleep-deprived having to get up for school in the mornings. definitely created energy drink concoctions that would send most people into cardiac arrest. van and the other yellowjackets would always stop by to see her on shifts and nat always gives them free slurpees

van: started working at the movie theater in the mall when she was 14 (the owner needed the help and did not ask enough questions). van is the rare sort of person that is absolutely beloved by both customers and her fellow employees and no one was surprised when she became a manager. she has the best customer service and will help out all the other employees with whatever they need. to this day she still holds the record for most Employee of the Month awards. also i just know van was the ultimate hookup and snuck her friends into shows and definitely took home the leftover popcorn after her shift. if she knew nat was on shift at the gas station, she’d stop by on her way home and give her some

taissa: never worked during the school year because she took way too many classes and extracurriculars (she was a 3-sport athlete: cross country in the fall, basketball in the winter, soccer in the spring. also did debate team AND student gov). her parents actually tried to talk her out of getting a summer job, but taissa has never relaxed a day in her life. she took a job at a clothing store in the mall and claimed she chose it for the employee discounts. the fact the store was located in the same mall as the movie theater was unrelated to anything whatsoever (tho taissa and van’s break schedules coincidentally always lined up and they’d hang out and go to the arcade where they’d have competitions… loser had to buy the winner food from the food court afterwards).

anyways tai would have been a perfect employee… if she didn’t have the world’s worst customer service (“for the fifth and final time, i am not going to give you a goddamned refund if you don’t have the RECEIPT and if you try putting that ugly ass blouse in my face again i will shove it up your-”) …had to have routine talks with HR throughout her tenure there. her manager gently suggested therapy, once.

lottie: didn’t need the money but definitely got a job out of boredom. decided to lifeguard as a summer job. it was basically getting paid to tan and tell kids to stop running. she had a sixth sense for when it’s about to start storming. her coworkers stopped questioning it after a few months and now when lottie says to get everyone out of the pool, they get everyone out of the pool. from lifeguarding lottie actually learned enough about pool maintenance to do the work and check the chemical balances on the pool at her own house. her father thinks the whole thing is ridiculous, her mother thinks it’s nice she has a hobby

laura lee: didn’t work a paid job but volunteered. she played piano for the local church services and on weekdays she worked evenings at the local food bank. if she sees anyone from school show up, it stays between her and God. she has managed to rope each of the yellowjackets into volunteering with her at least once

mari: worked at a local restaurant. tried to be a waitress, but on her very first day she got three different customer complaints about her attitude and so the owner put her in the kitchen where she became a linecook. she had more healthcode violations in her 1.5 years of working there than every other employee combined. the manager fired her on a weekly basis but she always just showed up to work the next day like nothing happened and the boss always took her back because mari is the best damn linecook he ever had

akilah: she’s a baby and was too young to work an actual job but definitely did babysitting (mostly for family). definitely was the kid-whisperer. had plans to work at library once she turned 16

misty: volunteered at the local retirement home and developed a love-hate relationship with an 85yo named Ethel (and by love-hate i mean: misty loved ethel, ethel hated misty)

[kyufessions]

problem solved

synopsis: your best friend, jiseok, bothers you as you get ready for your date

pairings: best friend! jiseok x best friend! g.n. reader

genre: fluff, friends to lovers, suggestive at the end

word count: 1.1k

request: misc. 4 + 15 ; “it’s okay, you can admit it. you are totally in love with me right now” + “i’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention”.

a/n: hope y’all enjoy this one ! i personally find this kind of cute lmao

general taglist: @jwnghyuns @eaudenana @soobin-chois

xdh taglist: @dreamylogy @tentenharuno

“if you poke me one more time i’m going to bite your finger off.” you admit as you turn to your best friend, jiseok.

there he stood, a not-so-innocent smile spread across his lips as he paused mid-poke. “i’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

you swat his hand away before going back to finishing off your makeup, laughing as you hear him dramatically huff and walk towards your bed. in the mirror you can see him sit on your bed, plopping down next to your laid out outfit and watching you like a hawk. “the quicker i get ready, the faster i can give you my undivided attention until i leave.”

crossing his legs on the bed, she leans back against the bed frame and runs a hand through his hair. “where are you even going anyway?”

“a date.” admitting that to your longtime crush hurt more than anything, but if only you could see the way his face dropped as you spoke those words.

both of you have had feelings for one another for quite some time, but never admitting it due to having convinced yourselves it was merely impossible for the other to reciprocate those feelings. after several years of just waiting around for jiseok to ask you out and you being too scared to actually do something about it, you just decided putting yourself out there would be your safest bet to ignore your feelings for him. meanwhile, jiseok had been too scared to even do something due to possibly messing up your friendship. he adored you, everything about you seemingly flawless in his eyes. your feelings towards one another were obvious to everyone but each other, and everyone watching this unravel felt like they were reading a slow burn fanfic off of wattpad.

jiseok disguised his voice to sound as uninterested and teasing as possible before responding. “who’s the guy?”

as you close up the mascara wand, you quickly stand up from your vanity and start grabbing your clothes to change into the bathroom. “some guy from my physics class.”

as he catches the glimpse of your face before you turn into the bathroom, he feels his heart skip multiple beats at the sight of you. ever since he realized his feelings for you a few months back, he’s been finding himself swooning over you for the most basic things. and as much as the feeling confused him, he just couldn’t get enough of it. when you exit the bathroom after fifteen minutes, your hair freshly done and clothing looking brand new, he can’t help but stare at you. normally, he would watch how he looked at you so as to not give a hint of his feelings towards you away. but in this moment, he didn’t seem to care one bit.

looking at yourself in the full length mirror first, you don’t even notice the way your best friend is staring at you. in your mind, you secretly wished it were jiseok taking you out on this arcade date instead of your classmate. but you tried pushing that aside, attempting to convince yourself to be excited. when you turn around to face your best friend for confirmation on how you look, you can’t help but feel yourself blush at the sight before you. you had never seen his eyes light up this way before, well, maybe at a concert or video game but never towards another individual- especially you.

letting out shy laughter, you snap your fingers in the direction of where his eyes landed and watch as his eyes meet yours. the reddened tips of his ears make you laugh harder, his embarrassed grin poking at the corners of his lips. “it’s okay, you can admit it. you are totally in love with me right now.”

standing up, he walks towards you slowly as he chuckles. “and if i am?”

you cock your head to the side in confusion, unsure of what he meant. surely he had to be joking. he couldn’t be serious, right? giggling at his comment, you notice him stop a few feet away from you as his eyes never leave yours. “stop joking, jiseok.”

“i’m serious, y/n.” was he really doing this? now? just forty minutes before your date? “i have been for a while now. just- please don’t go on that date. i know the timing isn’t perfect but-“

grabbing your best friend by the collar, you pull him into your lips without hesitation. although shocked by your actions, he wastes no time kissing you back and landing his hands on your hips. his nails waste no time digging into your skin, pushing your hips against his as your hands move from his shirt collar to the back of his neck. as your fingertips played with the strands of his growing hair, jiseok pins you against your bedroom door. gasping at the sudden movement, you soon feel jiseok slip his tongue past your lips and swipe it against yours.

before anything escalates further, you pull away to regulate your breathing. without a word, you both just stare at one another star struck. his eyes go from your eyes to your lips every so often, leaning in but pausing as his lips hover above yours. “is this okay?”

you feel him cup your face, his other hand remaining on your hip but moving underneath the fabric. nodding, you pull away to get a full view of his face. for a few seconds you admire how he looks, his eyes hungry and lips plumped and wet. the view makes your stomach do flips, a smile spreading across your lips. “more than okay.”

as his lips finds yours once again, his hand moves down your body and lifts you up by your legs. you giggle against his lips, his laughter matching yours as he moves towards the bed. gently, he sets you down on your back so he’s hovering above you.

suddenly, he pulls away and admires you for a few seconds before speaking. “wait, what about your date?”

up until this point, you have completely forgotten about the date you were supposed to go on. your eyes dart to the clock on your nightstand, noticing he was supposed to arrive in a little over ten minutes. “pass me my phone.” you demand, jiseok doing as instructed and handing it to you. watching you do something on your phone, you soon set the phone to the side and turn back to him with a smile. “problem solved.”

laughing, he happily leans down to place his lips on yours. even though you both have only been kissing for a few minutes, he could tell this was about to become his new favorite activity.

[midnight-moth]

random question but when did you first get into Ghost?? and how did you find them/get into them? (I like hearing these kinda stories sorry bcksndks)

Hi Charleyyyyy,

Okay some rambling below :)

Sooo the first song I heard which is probably the same for a lot of people is Square Hammer in 2016. I saw the video on YouTube. I bought Meliora on CD (which I sadly no longer have) and then I would say I was kind of a casual listener until 2018 and then Prequelle came out and I was very much in love with it but it wasn’t until 2021 that I became unhinged obsessed.

I went through a decade long period where I didn’t care that much about new music, I didn’t go to any concerts (I was like this about everything, I was … mentally unwell) however I got some good juice (medication) and then all of a sudden I liked things again, and then became FULL FORCE obsessed with them.

I did not discover the whole fandom/fanfic/fanart/tumblr thing until maybe Nov 2022? And then I started Kilonova… and then realized that my lore was not like anyone else’s and thought no one would read it heh. I was wrong.

It was also then that I actually learned who the ghouls were and when I tell you my head fell off or exploded when I found out that Per was Dew… since highschool I was mostly into metal of various kinds and was a big Katatonia fan.

So anyways to make up for lost time I decided to go to France in May 2023 bc that’s where the tour started again. That was actually my first concert in maybe 15 years… I saw them 5 times there and 4 more times in the US. (I did this bc I was supposed to see them in 2022 but I got covid and had to sell my ticket and was extremely crushed. I vowed to see them where ever they played next) I was originally going to go by myself but through a fb ghost group I met my bestie and we went together. It was the most fun and the most joy I have ever experienced in my life.

Now I’m going to be so cheesy but it’s kind of insane what this band does for people. I’ve met so many people. Starting writing and drawing again. Had once in a lifetime experiences. Met a network of people who made me feel safe enough to come out to. It’s kinda crazy. Idk maybe other fandoms are like this but I’ve never been in one before. I used to just like what I liked by myself.

Idk if I answered your question. I just rambled. Which I could do for literal ever about ghost….

[scarisill]

Sweetness 💋

Now on Wattpad this is just the beginning

⚠️Warning⚠️mention of sh(self harm), a Little Bit of smut,starts out slow but you get there

PLOT: Your 22 and you win back stage tickets to a Sam and Colby concert you’ve been hanging around them for a couple months and you and Colby have been all flirty with each other for a while and you start to catch feelings for Colby but you keep it a secret because you don’t think he likes you back little do you know that’s not the truth……

“Okay so today we’re back at the clown motel to get in contact me and y/n are gonna take one room and Sam and Katrina will take the other we’re gonna try and contact spirits then compare what we get” Colby said as he said that he looked over at me with flirtatious eyes I looked into his eyes and felt my cheeks heat up so I looked away he turned the camera off and we walked up to are rooms we had and hour on the clock so we got to it we both sat on the bed and we set up the rem pod along with two flash lights ” okay you ready to start sweetheart ?” Colby asked looking into my eyes thank god I did my makeup today bc if I didn’t I would probably be as red as a tomato “ duhh let’s get started “ I said with a playful smile and took a hit of my blue raspberry slushy hotbox vape I noticed as we continued are investigation Colby looking me up and down a couple of times maybe he did like me the same way I liked him no no way he was Colby Brock and I’m just a stupid fan girl

Anyway we finished are investigation and still had 15 minutes left so we decided to just chill and talk until Sam and Kat were done “ so when do you plan on going home” Colby asked me and looked over into my eyes with sympathy “ I don’t really have a home my mom passed away 2 years ago and my dad started a new life without me so I don’t really have a place to go other that back to my lonely ass apartment by myself.” I said and looked down at my vape and took another hit letting the blue raspberry tasted smoke hit the back of my throat before blowing it out my nose Colby reached over and took my hand in his and and kissed it softly and said “ you always have a place here with me.” I swear If I wasn’t red then I definitely am now he let go of my hand and rested his hand on my thigh

I took another hit of my vape doing the same as last time letting the flavored air hit the back of my throat before blowing it out my nose before Colby took it out of my hand and taking a couple hits and blowing it out above him he was so fucking hot he sat it back down on my lap and took his phone out I didn’t notice it at first but he’s was talking pictures of my so I started making silly faces and we started laughing and chuckling after we calmed down a little bit I took out a cigarette and realized I didn’t have my lighter so Colby gave me his it was a old fashion metal box style lighter with black skull print on it I lit my cigarette and toile a long hit blowing the smoke out after a a couple seconds then handed it to Colby he took a puff and handed it back

We sat in a comfortable silence as I finished my cigarette the timer went off “ ready to go meet up with Sam and cat?” Colby said as he stood up “ Yupers” I replied as I got up grabbed my mini back pack we walked out the room locking it behind us before meeting up with Sam and Kat we exchanged what happened with one another before we realized that we were talking to big Bill and the minors who were trapped we came to that conclusion Finished the video gave the keys back to the owner and went home

when we got to are too bedroom apartment I went to Colby’s bedroom were I had been staying and got clothes out so I could get in the shower when Colby walked in which he had been sleeping on the couch “ hay do you think we could just share my room Jake needs a place to crash so I was just gonna give him the couch and sleep in here with you.” He said “ yah I don’t mind at all” I said while taking a hit of my vape letting it hit the back of my throat before blowing it out my nose “okay” he said then paused and looked down he looked nervous “ hay what is it you look nervous” I said and grabbed his hand rubbing it and giving him a sympathetic look while looking into his eyes for an answer “what’s going on with us” he said hesitantly i looked down to are hands and hesitated “ i-i don’t really know Colby…” i said with a sad expression Colby then put his hand on my face and pulled my face towards him so I looked into his eyes he didn’t say anything and just kissed me when we pulled away he said “ I’m gonna go in the living room so you can get a shower, okay?”i nodded my head okay then he got up and went into the living room shutting the door behind him I got clothes and went into Colby’s bathroom turning the shower on and getting undressed as i took my black jeans off and my crop top I looked in the mirror at my body that was just in my black lace bra and underwear that were booty cut

I looked down at my thighs in the body mirror forgetting abt when I used to sh when I was like 15 anyway i sighed and got in the shower i took a 20 minute shower when I got out I drew a smiley face on the mirror in the steam grabbed my towel and walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom when I walked in there Colby was laying on the bed on his phone chilling as soon as i walked in the the room Colby noticed me and quickly slapped his hand over his eyes saying “ omg! I’m so sorry jake came early so I came in here bc he crashed on the couch” i laughed and said “ izzz okay i have a towel on I’ll just get dressed in the bathroom don’t be so dramatic” and with that I grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom closing the door behind me

I got dressed and put on a pair of black yoga shorts with skull print on the waist band with a black crop top and brushed my wavy hair so that it was straight then flipped my head to scrunch it up in my hands to make it a little bit wavy again I braided a small piece of my hair bear the front put my glasses on and walked out turning the light off as i left the bathroom Colby was back laying on the bed again like how he was earlier i walked straight to my mini book bag and grabbed my vape hitting it a bunch before grabbing my phone plugging it in and sitting on my phone leaning against the head bored and snapping people back while hitting my vape at the same time since I hadn’t been on my phone all day

As i was hitting my vape Colby grabbed my phone getting my attention “ HAY GIMME MY PHONE BACK” i groaned as he was waving it in the air so I couldn’t reach it “ if you want it back all you have to say is please” he said with a smirk he was so stupid hot and not that all my makeup was off i know he could see me blushing “ i AINT begging for what’s mine now GIMME MY PHONE BEFORE I BEAT YOUR ASS” i ended up chasing him around the room for my phone and ended up tackling him down to the ground retrieving my phone as I was walking back to the bed from were he was on the floor I was picked up from behind turned around and pinned to the wall with my legs wrapped around Colby’s waist he was looking into my eyes intensely and before you know it we were sucking each others faces off

After a good 5 minutes he put me down and I started walking back towards the bed and sat down hitting my vape he looked at me and I watched his gaze go down to my thighs I forgot I was wearing shorts my scares were visual all I saw was horror in his eyes he looked sad but mad at the same time “ why would y out do that to yourself” is all he said “ it was when I was 15 my mom had been dating this guy for years but they had broken up but he was abusive and would hit me my mom my little sister and the dog but my depression would take over and I would cut to let it all out, but that was the old me I haven’t done it for years I promise” and with that he was sitting against my legs that were pulled up to my chest he had his hands resting on my legs rubbing over my scars “ you know you can tell me anything and I will always be her listening to every word” is all he said and we sat there cuddled into each other for the rest of the night until we fell asleep



[xxmolls]

I got a new poster! I’m probably going to put it in my kitchen, where I’ve got a somewhat gallery wall of other blue band posters.

I feel like Lucinda Williams’ music has always been a part of my life. Growing up in the 90’s with parents who were very into the alt-country music scene, Lucinda Williams’ album Car Wheels on a Gravel Road was a huge part of the soundtrack to my childhood.

I also did a deep dive into her catalog when I was first starting to write songs. I think her songwriting style greatly influenced my own songwriting style.

I read an interview she did where she said she realized a song doesn’t need a bridge necessarily … that you shouldn’t be tied down by all these supposed “songwriting rules.” I put bridges in most of my songs, but reading that sentiment by a songwriting hero of mine helped me to not be so rigid about the structure of a song.

I’ve seen her a bunch live over the years. One memorable time was in my hometown in June, 2009. I had just turned 19 years old (15 days earlier!) and was building what I thought and planned would be a lifetime career in music.

I met her after the show and got a picture with her. I also gave her a burned CD of some VERY ROUGH demos of some songs I had written. I cringe now because holy shit were those awful recordings. I really hope she didn’t by chance actually listen to those. Ohhhh the follies of youth…

The date of that show, June 2009 also happened to be very significant in my life, although I had no idea at the time. I had just started working as a summer camp counselor at a local summer camp in the mid-Missouri countryside a week prior. I was pulling ticks off myself every day, not giving it any thought (growing up in Missouri, I spent long hot summer days playing in creeks. I’ve probably gotten hundreds of tick bites over the course of my 33 years living in Missouri).

Judging by my illness timeline, I probably got the tick bite that would make me so incredibly sick and ultimately change the course of my life right around the date of the Lucinda concert (maybe even that exact day, who knows).

The next month, I would start exhibiting “weird, unexplainable symptoms.” First I would start getting horrible stomach aches with everything I ate. Next came the frequent “colds” and flu like symptoms, along with random eye infections.

By September 2009, when I started my Sophomore year of college, my symptoms would have progressed so much that I’d be unable to walk, talk coherently, feed myself, or bathe myself.

It would take until February 2012 for me to finally be diagnosed with Late Stage Neurological Lyme Disease.

Anyway, I’m not going to associate “getting sick” with my new Lucinda poster (or else you could sure as hell bet I wouldn’t put it in my kitchen), but it’s such a weird, cosmic thing to me that Lucinda Williams and her music have been such a big presence in numerous formative times in my life.

*

I am considering doing posts about songs I have written, memorable shows I have seen, etc. basically more music posts.

I have had my tumblr since early 2009, when I was 19, so it has been with me since before I got sick and all the way through to when I started getting my life back at age 30. In my tumblr’s youth, I was still playing lots of gigs and seeing lots of great concerts. I used to write a lot about my favorite music on here. I kind of miss that.

I have a bunch of new songs I have written that I’ve never recorded and I also have some recording time credits already paid for at a local studio. Maybe revisiting my musical past will get my ass in gear to finally record those songs.

Stay tuned, I guess.

[inkofamethyst]

March 24, 2023

I have to admit that I feel a little bit bad holding on to three PhD offers knowing that there might be people on the waitlist vying for a position at one of these places.  Truth be told, I wanted to know where I was going before Spring Break hit, but my Choice E didn’t invite me up until late March.  Technically, I suppose I could (and, probably, should) let go of Choice F or Choice G if I really thought about which one would suit me best should my Choice E visit go poorly, but I am privileged enough that I can willfully choose not to think about that possibility at all right now.  It feels a little selfish and a little immature.  I suppose it brings me some comfort to know that I will (ideally) make a decision over a week before the April 15 deadline and that hopefully someone can make it off the waitlist in that time.

I spoke with an alum of my Choice E lab today and gah it’s really feeling like the place for me.

Recently, I’ve been into watching bento (and husbento lol) box videos??  They’re super aesthetically pleasing, and it’s really fun to watch people make healthy, delicious lunches with lots of variety!  It might not be the most efficient, nor the most cost effective habit to maintain, but it’s calming and I enjoy the ideas!

On a similar note, I have to really start using up the food in my apartment pantry and minimize my grocery purchases.  I only have half a semester left in my apartment, and I’m going to be travelling for (essentially) two of those weeks, so I’m going to need to make a concerted effort to clear out my frozen foods and canned/dry goods.  I’ve got quite a bit of protein stocked up, noodles (so many kinds of noodles), rice... aside from fresh produce/dairy, I shouldn’t need to buy very much at all, really.  I could probably start making more elaborate bento-like lunches myself.  After break, I’ll go in, take inventory, and set out a rough meal prep schedule so I won’t have to take home too many food products, if I can help it.  I really gotta get back into trying new recipes anyway.  Since I’ve been home (and have mostly recovered from The Ailment) I’ve tried two new recipes in two days and am about to go for a third tomorrow, I think!  Having a full spice cabinet certainly makes a difference.  [edit, a day later: uh so the “Gigi Hadid Pasta” that’s been all over pinterest is actually pretty flavorless and I had to add so much extra spice... at least the color was pretty.  I’d make it again but change some of the proportions and also add spinach.]

Half a semester left.

I got my first grad school related reject, so that’s fun.  It was for an outside fellowship I applied for, and I’m luckily not in a position where I needed it for admission anywhere, but it still would’ve been nice to have an extra boost or to defer funding in case I needed it.  The reviewer’s comments were useful, but I think it’s funny that my 3.9+ GPA in related disciplines could be considered average or even below average (upon critical thought, I believe they might have been considering my course history and were wondering how exactly orgo and biochem were going to help me pin down functional morphology, and that critique makes sense).  I suppose I agree that I should have sought more awards, but ughhhhh UGH.  I don’t wanna beg to be recognized and then maybe not even get it (though that’s exactly what I’ve done here with that fellowship so)??  This certainly won’t be my last outside grant/fellowship attempt because I do want to be recognized.

Of all the Lost-esque shows I’ve watched, my absolute least favorite has got to be La Brea.  That show might even be one of my least favorite shows I’ve ever watched ever.  The writing, plot, and logic are just so terribly bad and I might have to drop it after this season because I am simply not impressed at all.  I love sci-fi and as a result am pretty good at suspending my disbelief, but this show is based around time travel and they’re not explaining any of the intricacies or limitations of the technology, so every solution works Just Because and any potential problem that is irrelevant to the central plot is not discussed does not exist and I hate it.  There’s so much hand-waving that it does not feel immersive to me.  I genuinely do not think very much while watching television, so the fact that I’m constantly frustrated by the holes I’m poking into the plot/solutions/logic irks me.  And then any problem that does arise to occupy any characters not involved in the main plotline that episode feels gimmicky and fillery and dumb.  Some of the main characters are barely compelling and others are simply not, and in this economy my attention is too valuable to be wasted on things I don’t enjoy.

Today I’m thankful for that conversation I had with the alum... I’ve heard nothing but good things about “my” lab in particular aieeee I’m so excited for next week’s trip.. literally a Spring Break Part 2 (except it’s not really a break and I’ll kind of be pretending to be an extrovert for four days straight (which I guess is okay because I’ve been a total recluse for the past week)).  Since it’s probably where I’m going to attend (and because they wanna be touristy), both of my parents will be “joining me” (aka existing in the same vicinity but entirely leaving me to my own devices unless I need them) this time, and I’ve assigned them homework to check out some of the neighborhoods and apartment complexes to get an idea of the best places to live.  Very thankful for supportive parents, very thankful for a financial situation that allows them to support me in this way.  Also thankful for my two profs who record lectures... they’re really the unsung heroes of my semester tbh.

[semusepsu]

omg you guys it was so funnn! let me gather my thoughts okay. i’m half deaf in my right ear.

so first thing it was weirdly hard to find parking because i couldn’t afford venue parking and all of the surrounding parking lots had attendants that interrogated me about what i was parking for and when i gave the venue they all refused. i tried to transfer money from paypal to get the venue parking but it didn’t work, so i started searching desperately, the showtime on the ticket drawing nearer and nearer until i finally found a place, and was able to get into line before the show “started”

when i left i discovered that the one nearby parking building did in fact take venue guests, even though it looked like similar residential parking structures in hollywood.

also the line was so long and they only started letting people in at the start time so freaking out about the deadline was premature

never let anyone tell you being ignorant is blissful. ANYWAY, it was a cool venue. there was a vip balcony but i had a general ticket and besides the ADA zone there were no chairs in the place at all. charged me 4 dollars for a can of coke poured into a cup. i tipped 15% on the thing and the bartender said “i appreciate you”.

i haven’t been to many concerts, but i saw one with four opening acts once and they each did, like, one song each, and i saw another with one act that did a small set before the main act. I was not prepared for there to be two opening acts, each of which did a roughly half an hour set. The bands were Zero 9:36 and Wage War, neither of which I had previously heard of (no hipster points for moi). Zero 9:36 had some songs I liked. Wage War suffered from arriving on stage just as my legs started to develop Weird Hurty Knee SyndromeTM, and I spent most of their set in discomfort. despite that, I’m definitely seeking their stuff out.

between each act the roadies played some popular metal songs on the speakers while they changed the instruments and set up. the pause between Zero 9:36 and Wage War had a broad pool of songs. The pause between Wage War and Three Days Grace was 90% Rammstein. I finally found a safe spot to sit down during this, without which I would have been unable to participate in the crowd during TDG’s set

They opened with So Called Life, which I only knew because I looked up the tour setlist and listened to everything on it the night before. Everyone was singing along with the chorus, the energy was cool.

They followed this up with “Animal I Have Become,” and I think literally hundreds of people were singing along, because the singer’s voice was lost in the crowd.

i won’t go through the whole set list here but there were so many I recognized and knew very well, stuff from their self titled and from One-X, as well as their newer stuff I was less familiar with. A few of their new ones are amazing, i’ll definitely post about them later.

For “Just Like You” they had the guy from Wage War and a girl from the audience sing with the band. The girl's interactions with matt waist were very unscripted, it was sort of awkward.

Starting in the Zero 9:36 act there was a circle mosh for certain songs. I stayed clear for most of the show, longing for it but afraid, but when they started I Hate Everything About You, I decided to join in. Never having moshed before, it was both scary and exhilarating, moving forward in a circle, being pushed forward and outward by other moshers and back inward by the crowd outside. I nearly lost a shoe at one point but it stayed on. the song after that was not a moshing song, and the one after that, Riot, was too intense, so I decided to be one of the people pushing the moshers to keep them in the circle.

The show ended on Riot, and I left the venue sweaty and tired of limb, but full of a deep satisfaction at the same time that reminded me a bit of afterglow.

that paypall money never ended up in my bank account, so i’m gonna hafta deal with that tomorrow.

[zero-ek]

A couple other live concerts and a couple other thoughts on them

Yo!

So this is coming after another post concerning other concerts, i had to break it off cause i reached the image limit on that one lol, plus i felt like it'd be more thematically concise to separate these guys into their own post. So yeah, anyway, here's part one.

Also also because these don't allow screenshots i did my best to describe every highlight, but because of that this became a huge block of text, just a heads up.

3. Natsume Itsuki – Parallel Shot

(See the KV here cause i don't want Hanagata to be mad at me)

Dang, it’s been a month already....

So, good news, I’m not as moody as I’ve been the previous days, so thankfully i did get to enjoy myself watching this concert a lot more, however...

You see, this was, as per usual, a two performance concert (which by the way if you know it I’d really like to know why that is a thing), and usually with these both performances are mostly the same, with some minor changes to the setlist and whatnot. Now while they did stream both parts this time (usually only the nighttime one is available), I’m kinda on a budget, so, thinking i wouldn’t be missing out on much, i got the nighttime one, since it’s the one i normally go for.

Tamu, however, decided that this time there’d be a storyline playing through both performances, and pretty much built the entire experience around it, the song choices, the breaks and everything. So while it was by all means an awesome performance, i was left really itching because i didn’t get the full picture.

I did watch her post-concert talk and the daytime performance watchalong, so i do sort of have an idea of what went on, but dang it I’m feeling so sad that i didn’t actually get to see it, especially since in hindsight, i really want to know how the songs she sang in the daytime part sound like live. But hey, the chance’s already been missed, not much i can do about it now.

Oh, before we get into the actual live, i gotta mention this:

Look. at. This!

I’ve known about this outfit since her first live 8 months ago or so, but she hadn’t posted any pics of it until now so i totally forgot about it. I still can’t believe not only that she actually had this made, but that it looks as good as it does.

First song was “Struggle of Egos”, the theme for this concert, and like, i cannot begin to explain how absolutely m a s s i v e this song sounds live, like it’s incredible. Tamu’s singing is also a lot “shoutier” live, which only makes the performance even rawer (hey hey actually if you wanna check it out for yourself she does show the first couple songs on her watchalong stream so you can go see that I’m not lying)

Also, it might just be the camera framing but the venue looks huge! Like i actually got a little jumpscared by how big it looked, especially with that massive screen behind her (looking it up, it says it’s 618 inches, or 15 meters in diameter!). Also i really love the camera angles, there is a crew operating them manually, so there’s a lot of dynamic shots and very precise closeups.

She then sang her solo version of “Tsuisou no Ragnarok”, which is her collab song with Nakucha under Gree Entertainment. I mention this because firstly on looking up what Gree is exactly i learned that they also work with Assault Lily, which now has me convinced that everything I’ve ever been interested in is run by the same like 10 people or something how the heck do i keep running into the same things like this? But more importantly i gotta mention that I’m really happy that Hifumi seems to be making a hard push for these two lately, i get the impression that they saw how banging they’ve been with La Prière this past two years and realized it’s worth getting them out there. Also, as an Eufolie enjoyer I’m just happy in general that these two are doing stuff together again (even if it isn’t jazz).

She performed “Happy Enforcer” and “Spider Girl” with the dancers from the last concert, and she mentioned afterwards that she messed up pretty hard her dance parts, but honestly those girls were going extremely hard, i gotta commend her for managing to keep up and sing at the same time.

So, for the story, or what i understood of it: it seems that 3D Tamu is actually a separate entity than utaite Tamu, and while they should normally coexist as like perfect mirrors of one another, something went wrong and 3D Tamu started to be loaded up into utaite Tamu’s body instead. 3D Tamu then asks if she could take the opportunity to borrow her body so she can see the real world, which real Tamu accepts, but something seems off.

The now 3D-Tamu-in-real-Tamu’s-body then sang some covers, the highlight for me being “Unravel”. I’ve heard this song like a million times by now, but I’ve never heard it sung in the context of a live concert, and Tamu’s main vocal character being the raw energy her voice has gave me some of the most intense chills I’ve felt in a little while.

The two Tamus talk a little more, and turns out some time loop shenanigans are going on, 3D Tamu is purposefully trying to hijack real Tamu’s body and wants to keep this concert on repeat endlessly. So, from what i could piece together, the daytime performance was the first loop, in which she successfully took over and reset everything.

The robot cat thingie, which i actually don’t know the name of someone help (Future Zero note: apparently he’s called "War Criminal Cat" lmao) managed to remember everything though, and asked the audience to help break the loop and stop 3D Tamu. They do, and that sends the concert, which apparently was exactly the same as the daytime performance so far, off course. It seems that 3D Tamu is on Banana mentality, so real Tamu talks about how the uniqueness of each performance is what makes live concerts exciting to try to talk her out of it.

And like, starting from here until pretty much the end of the concert, she sings a battery of some of her most intense songs, which, looking at the setlist, seems to mirror the more pop-y vibes from the daytime setlist, which i imagine were 3D Tamu’s picks. Particular highlight to “Fragment of Qualia”, i adore that song and was so hyped to hear it live, hearing it with the huge venue acoustics and the crowd cheering was already amazing through the stream, i can’t even imagine how crazy it must’ve been to actually be there.

Also, i gotta mention, the entire concert has been pretty much high gear only so far, like, there’s been calmer songs, but overall it’s been high intensity all the way.

Finally, 3D Tamu is about to be expunged from real Tamu’s head, so as a final request, she asks real Tamu to shoot her with her gun, claiming she wants to at least go out with a bang. Real Tamu shoots... and misses, saying that you shouldn’t want to go out with a bang, but with beauty.

The two of them sing “Ai to CodeQ...” together, before 3D Tamu disappears for good. I’m like 99% that the entire story of this concert was written around and as a build up to this song, like, I’d say it’s even more of a theme to this concert than “Struggle of Egos” is. I will admit that it’s not as much of a favourite for me, but it’s that thing where, when you listen to a song in a different context, it helps you see it in a different way, it’s been growing on me, particularly because existentialism is my bread and butter and the lyrics for this song touch on that quite a bit.

Anyways, this is where the concert ends formally, so for the encore, she sings “My Entertainer”, which 3D Tamu sang on her daytime setlist (this mirrors that the daytime encore was Anamnesis, which was in real Tamu’s nighttime setlist). The dancers come back for this one, and Tamu is still keeping up like my gosh what does this girl eat???

By the way, speaking of the setlist and, I’m particularly sad to have missed the last three songs of the daytime setlist. She sang an alternate version of “Junjou Sacrifice”, which she did release and i honestly love it more than the original, i feel like the instrumentation encapsulates the vibe of the lyrics much better. Then “Miniascape”, which is one of my favourites of hers just out of the sheer atmosphere it evokes, and she ended with “Son Macabre”, which i honestly didn’t like at first, but it seriously grew on me a whole lot, she mentioned it on the watchalong, but it really gives off that “bad end” vibe really well, from the perspective of the villain, particularly, and i reeeeeeeally wanted to hear that in the context of this concert’s story.

Now that the story is over, Tamu can finally break character and do an MC. Yep, the only MC is in the encore. She goes at it for like i think 15 minutes or so, mainly showcasing merch and talking about how this whole live came to be, and like, she’s talking at like a hundred miles an hour, mind you she’s doing this for the second time on the day, and this one is even more hyped up than the daytime one, and there’s not a sliver of tiredness at all in her voice, like if i speak uninterrupted for just 10 minutes my throat feels sore for the rest of the day girl what are you?

The biggest announcement is that she’s going on tour!!! And with a live band!!! Like, the momentum that she and the other LaPri girls have been on is insane, they’ve done so much these past two years that whenever something new is announced, i get kinda fearful that like, it’s gonna be their peak and things will start to slow down, just because y’know, they’re pretty much as close to indie as you can get (nayuta in particular actually being one), but no, they just keep shooting higher and higher, and that really warms my heart.

Also, with how intense Tamu’s songs in particular are, my excitement is through the roof to hear how a live band brings them to life.

Actually, now that i think about it, it might’ve been for the best that i picked the nighttime performance, I’m writing this a couple days after my first watch, so i had a little time to marinate my thoughts on it, and most importantly the immediate post-event-hype wore off, so I’m more inclined to think “dang it, i really wanted to see that”. And like yeah, i am a lil pouty that i didn’t get to watch everything, but all in all i feel like i really needed the uninterrupted burst of energy that this live was.

I like to make playlists of concerts after i watch them, not only cuz it helps me remember but often because i like to think about the intention that went into arranging the songs in that particular order. I’ve noticed that I’ve been listening to Tamu’s quite a bit ever since, and i feel that i gained another level of appreciation for her stuff now, particularly because i was in the position that i was when i watched her concert, which is fun, but also cruel to think about how these sorts of pieces move. (Future Zero note: guys help me i don’t know what the frick i meant by this???)

I don't know how to end this, uhh... i guess the lesson here is beware of time warping, body-snatching, cute singing anime girls. Yeah.

4. Aitsuki Nakuru – Qulalim Stella

After all these years, i finally know how to write クラリムステラin romaji! It’s still nonsense but it sounds cool

Oh and by the way this is the best concert I’ve ever watched. Ever.

I’ll get into detail about it in a bit but I’m finishing writing this up over a week after i first watched it, and i still cannot get this concert out of my head (which for me is saying something), like it was just so good in all the best little ways a concert can be, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Before we get into the songs, i wanna talk about the visuals. First and foremost, the venue was massive, like, look at this!

I looked it up, and the capacity is for roughly 1.7 thousand people, and it was absolutely packed! And also, the stage was fully decorated, which i could be wrong but i don’t think I’ve seen that before in utaite concerts (usually it’s just the empty stage, or just the screen behind them), which really helped bring the performances to life, considering how large the stage was.

But what i freaked out the most about was this:

They actually made her the Nardack/Indigrotto/jellyfish outfit!!!

She had announced what the stage outfit would be like (this one, from the 2nd keyvis and designed by her friend Youichi), and with how complex Nardack’s design is, i wasn’t expecting at all that she’d actually have it made too. The pics really don’t do it justice, it looked amazing on stage, the skirt is a lot puffier than it looks, and the translucent parts looked especially great with the stage lights shining through them.

The first three songs were very fitting for a 1st concert, in a “this is who i am vibe”, she started with “Azura Lano”, which she later called her “self introduction song”, then “Cosmodiver”, one of her latest songs, which she actually explained that it was made especially for this concert (and written by Tamu, no less!). And “Kotonoha”, a very old song for the older fans, which I’ve never heard before because I’m an overseas fan and Nacollection 1 isn't real for us.

A couple of things to note, first of all, my compliments to the PA team, the whole concert was mixed to perfection, with the venue being as large as it was, the acoustics were really intense, but not too overbearing on the ears. Also, and I’ve noticed this on her 3D stuff, but it’s amazing how Nakucha’s voice has so much projection while still remaining as airy and breath as she usually is. She’s a human flute if I’ve ever seen one.

Also also, for this being her first ever solo concert, she’s an absolute natural at it, like, she said she’s just winging it, but she’s extremely charismatic and lively, her interactions and banter with the audience during the MCs had me smiling all the way. Of course, this isn’t her first concert per se, she’s had the past two years or so with LaPri and stuff, but i do think there’s a difference between having the other two to bounce off of and doing it on her own, and she pulled it off incredibly well.

Anyways, she sang her version of “Tsuisou no Ragnarok” (which in my humble opinion is the best one), and i haven’t been able to shake the thought that they’re gearing up for a NakuTamu two-man live, they’ve got another single coming up soon, and it really seems like Hifumi and Gree are pushing hard to make this pair a thing.

Now, for the first highlight of the night, “Oxydlate”.

Holy crap.

This was pretty much what everyone was talking about, reading up on tweets and live reports, and justifiably so, because oh my god what a performance. The song has some of the highest falsettos she can do, which was already impressive enough, but i think what really made this so incredible was actually getting to see her expressiveness during it, like, being able to see through her body language, the inflections and tiny imperfections on her voice denoting how demanding this song is, and how much work she is putting to pull it off so perfectly.

That, combined with just how enthralling the song itself is, is what i think made this so memorable, it gets you as into a performance as i think is humanly possible, like, i distinctively remember being in like a sort of a trance that i had to shake myself out of by the time the song ended, I didn’t mention this before, but i was home alone the day i watched this live, so i got to set up my computer to my actually pretty nice TV, and i really feel like that increased my experience of it like tenfold.

Oh, and i can’t not mention That One Part™ where she falls to her knees, which pretty much everyone was like “holy sh*t what a moment”, she actually mentioned on her post concert stream that she was only half-acting on that part, she really needed to get her bearings in that moment and figured she should do it with style. I personally feel like that part really cemented this as one of my favourite live performances of all time, like it’s that good.

Then it was Endorfin time! sky_delta came as a guest, playing the keyboard, i really liked how the stage really lit up during this part, with the strobe lights going crazy in the back, and the crowd really got to cheer hard during this part too, Endorfin’s songs usually being more upbeat, and that played off of the hype from “Oxydlate” perfectly in my opinion. A special highlight to “Suisei no Parasol” because sky_delta got to play a sick solo in it.

I wish sky_delta had stayed longer, not only because live instruments are better as we all know, but honestly he himself was a joy to watch. He’s a little more awkward on stage than Nakucha, but they bounce off each other really well, and he really seemed super happy to be there. She mentioned how he approached her 10 years ago, when she wasn’t doing singing as much, and was like like “hey let’s do this thing”, and now she got him to perform their songs in front of almost two thousand people, that really warmed my heart.

Entering the second half of the concert, a prerecorded performance of 3D Nakucha sings “Indigrotto” while real Nakucha goes to change outfits, it looked sort of like this (there's a timestamp here i hope it works):

She comes back wearing the dark outfit from the 2nd keyvis and sings “Evil Bubble” joined by two dancers, and i must say that I’ve not been a harder display of bad b*tchery as this. She spends most of the performance sat on this ornate sofa, doing a badass pose, while the two other girls dance wildly around her, and only at the end she gets escorted out of it, hand in hand with the dancers, mirroring the puppet imagery from the song. I gotta give props to the camera work here for really going crazy with the shakes and angles while still managing to capture everything, it made the recording really come alive

She then really goes off and joins in on the choreography in “Lilith”, and like, she absolutely s l a y e d, she kept up with the dancers amazingly, and the choreo itself was incredibly captivating (this is my polite way to say that she had me swooning lol it’s a sexy song and I’m gay what do you expect?).

The next three songs were pretty much each one a highlight, being all fan favourites, but i feel like the last one in particular even more so. She started with “Gyakusaka”, with the dancers doing this amazing performance with traditional umbrellas. Then “Killer Neuron”, which is already hype enough of a song just from the sheer energy of it, but was even more intense to watch, with the dancers going all out, and the incredible camerawork being the cherry on top.

She then went into an MC and i gotta say that i love how she’ll sing like the hardest, filthiest, most stank-face inducing songs known to man, and then be all like “hey guuyyyss ☺️☺️☺️ that was Killer Neuron!!!! ☺️☺️☺️☺️ how was it? Was it fun???? ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️”.

Halfway through the MC, the lights go out, and when they come back up, Nakucha starts speaking in this overbearingly cutesy and bubbly way, and i adore that i immediately knew what was going on. Like, she could’ve just gone straight into the song, even more so since everyone knew she was going to sing it in this concert (it was chosen by the fans through a survey), but it’s super cool that she took the time to make up a whole routine to build up to it, even though I’m pretty sure she was cringing on the inside.

Anyways, yeah, the next song is “Fake Idol”, the Aitsuki Nakuru song of the 2020s (so far). And y’know, as hype as this song was with the whole buildup and everything, by this point the rhythm of the second half has already settled in, so there isn’t much i can say about this performance that i haven’t about the others already. But as it turns out, she has a trick up her sleeve, because following this one, she sings two of her “actual idol-ish” songs, which i thought was genius.

Like, if these two songs were anywhere else on the setlist, it would’ve been fine, cutesy upbeat songs are fun to cheer to, but i wouldn’t think much of it. But because she started the set with “Fake Idol”, you get that lingering feeling that something isn’t right. The two songs, “Continue!” and “Watashi ga Watashi ni Itatta...” are perfectly innocent, cute songs, and she just sang them normally, but she manages to spin them around as songs that put you off simply by their placement.

Which is another reason why i believe why this is my favourite concert ever: the setlist was absolutely perfect, every song choice was perfect, their positioning on the setlist was perfect, and the flow from one section to the other was completely immaculate.

The last song was “Kore Kurai de”, another one i actually hadn’t heard before either. As it turns out, it’s a song she sang for a really old eroge, and actually i wanna take the chance to ask what is it with eroges having some of the hardest ending songs ever? Like, i do appreciate the effort and that they take themselves so seriously, but like, the amount of times I’ve heard a banger only to look it up and see that it came from an eroge is insane (looking at you, I’ve sound, Mosaic.wav). Kudos to japanese devs for that.

She explains that the reason she chose this song in particular was because not only she imagined that it’d be nostalgic for a lot of people, but because the lyrics summarized perfectly what she had to say and how she wanted to end this live with. Halfway through the song, though, she started to cry, and i don’t mean like her voice was shaking or she teared up a bit or anything like that. No, i mean she cried hard, like to the point that she couldn’t even finish the verses anymore. She managed to power through but as soon as the song ended she just mumbled a “thank you” and literally ran away from the stage.

It hit me really hard that, like, the girl who was lighting the whole stage on fire only 5 minutes ago and pulled off every song on the setlist flawlessly was the same one crying so hard that she could barely get the words out. Mainly because she isn’t the most open about herself, not that she doesn’t share (i mean look at her sub-twitter), but she’s sort of like the type of person that you can only infer so much about what they’re like from what they show you, so you can’t say that you really “know them” for certain.

(Also overall, she just isn’t around all that much)

So because of that, i really didn’t know how to feel about what had happened, it was simultaneously extremely endearing, given that the song is about not being able to properly express one’s gratitude for how cherished they are. But at the same time, i felt guilty somewhat, it takes a lot of fortitude to be vulnerable in front of someone, let alone over a thousand people, and i got the impression that she wasn’t particularly ready to be put in that position. I sincerely hope that I’m wrong and that she did felt at least comfortable enough to be seen like that, i imagine everyone knows how much it sucks to crumble somewhere you don’t feel safe doing so.

She came back for the encore, and the first thing she said was “this is so cringe”, which... yeah, i can imagine, if it was me i would’ve just went home then and there and not do an encore at all, professionalism be damned. Again, I hope it’s not something that’ll haunt her in her sleep or anything. It was usual encore business, she showed off her merch, did her announcements, she called the dancers and sky_delta to the stage to say a couple words, which was particularly nice. But most importantly to me i think was the little talk she had at the end.

In her words, she’s always been nothing more than an “empty void”, someone who never had any big dreams or passions in her life, being overall a complete pessimist. But that changed once “Aitsuki Nakuru” came to be, because that was a part of her that people began to look up to. Since then, she dreamed that she could keep on being “Aitsuki Nakuru”, to be able to live up to who that is.

She said that if “Aitsuki Nakuru” were to fade away, she’s afraid that she might end up back on her old ways, “a monster of pessimism”, as she put it. So, as long as the veil of “Aitsuki Nakuru” exists, she wants everyone to keep watching over her through it, and keep her dream alive. And in return, she’ll keep on singing through it, to push everyone towards their own dreams. While she doesn’t want to be put in a pedestal or anything, all she asks is that everyone keeps the memory of “Aitsuki Nakuru”, even if just a small piece of it, on the back of their heads, until the day we die.

I mentioned that this was my favourite concert I’ve ever watched, and like initially i thought it was just the euphoria of blasting it on a big screen, which i never got to do before, but even after that wore down i was still thinking about it a whole lot, particularly these last 20 or so minutes of it. Plus, I watched some insanely incredible stuff, like, a core memory of mine, and the very reason I’m so into watching live concerts, was Kalafina’s very last concert on the Nippon Budoukan, that was an experience i cannot even begin to describe, and that I’m forever thankful that i never forgot about.

But what made this one so special to me, even in the face of much more objectively amazing stuff I’ve watched prior, is that it felt very human, “normal”, in a sense. I know that my gushing so far may not convey that very well, but for whatever reason, throughout the duration of this concert, i never once felt like i was looking “up” at her, that the girl on stage was someone above me, that i couldn’t see eye to eye with. This is something that I’ve been working to unlearn about people i admire ever since i left my teens, but that i don’t think I had faced it to this degree yet.

This could be just me assuming things, but from what little i know about her, Nakuru seems to be the type who doesn’t think too highly of herself, not in a self-deprecating way (although she goes that way sometimes), but as in like “i’m just a person doing person things like everyone else”. A thing to note, and that she mentioned a couple of times, is that she didn’t particularly want to do a live concert at all. She doesn’t like singing in front of people, and even though she does do live events every so often, she gets a little unhappy about it because she feels that she isn’t cut out for it.

In contrast to that, this concert was put together to an unbelievable degree of perfection, as i made sure to let you know. You could see in every detail of it, the stage, the decorations, the outfits, the choreographies, the sound quality, the cinematography, the venue itself, that an insurmountable amount of effort went into producing this concert and making it happen as smoothly as it did. And people showed up for it, i know i keep on hammering this point but like holy ship the venue was massive, keeping in mind this is the very first live concert of a doujin artist, i cannot stress enough how absolutely incredible that is.

Of course, i have to be real here, Hifumi is a very capable agency, and Nakuru is one of the more well known utaites out there, so it’s not like this is a total Cinderella type thing or anything. But even still it felt very personal, like, the high production value in this didn’t feel like some celebrity’s grand endeavor, it felt like an everyday person, the type you’d see on the train or your coworker, being granted the opportunity to show the world that they can do something special.

And y’know, i think, and i at least hope, that this was a revelation to her as well, that she’s capable of a lot more than she gives herself credit for, and that there’s much more to reap from what she sowed for the past 10 years or so. “Aitsuki Nakuru” isn’t some ethereal existence that she needs to keep clinging onto to be able to have some sense of worth, “Aitsuki Nakuru” is something she made with her own hands, the result of work and dedication. It may not be who she is, but is what she achieved, and i sincerely hope she is as proud of that as everyone else around her is.

“Kore Kurai de” was a song about gratitude, being shown happiness that one doesn’t know they could have, but not being able to express themselves about it. With the context of what she spoke about herself and what “Aitsuki Nakuru” means to her, i want to think that her tears came from realizing that it’s her that we’re looking at. She is Aitsuki Nakuru, the happiness and gratitude she wanted so much to convey through that song was the result of what she worked to achieve. Not some external concept bound to a song or illustration or 3D model, her, the actual person in this world that made it happen.

In short, this is my favourite concert of all time, not just because it was some million dollar production that was completely and utterly impressive every step of the way (which it was, mind you), but because it was the work of a very flawed individual, not unlike all of us, that shows that we’re not any less capable of achieving incredible things because of it, even if we might not personally believe it so.

Anyways i didn’t even mention the encore track, it was the title track of the concert, “Qulalim Stella”, which by the way i actually took the time to translate, if you scroll down on the music video you’ll see me down there lol. I particularly like the second chorus, in the context of this concert:

“The yesterdays that i put behind me, and the hazy tomorrows yet to come

I hope that i can eventually embrace them both.

Because you showed me a side of myself i never knew of, I can now shine so brightly. And so

I shake away my doubts, so the path i walk may continue.”

Like I’ve said before, the song choices and placement for the setlist was absolutely immaculate, following up on the themes of “Kore Kurai de”, but with much more conviction and firm grasp and understanding of oneself. I’m not sure if that’s something she actually thought about, but i hope that, as the song suggests, she can hold her head up high moving forward and be more proud of herself.

(Future Zero note: her current Twitter banner is a shot of the live concert visuals from Fake Idol, kinda ominous but i hope this means she sees live concerts more favourably now lol)

Oh, yeah, and the announcement! To no one’s surprise, really, she’s gonna do another live, and looking at the venue holy shoot the place is even more massive than the first! I don’t think i need to say how excited i am for this one!

Nakucha world Domination!!!

6. La Prière – Splash the Tone

(Go follow Narumi-sensei he actually has a tumblr!)

It’s summer!!!

Well, not here, and especially not in Japan, but it might as well be, I’m pretty sure it rained like at least once a week for the entire last year, but lately it’s been scolding hot every single day, I’m pretty sure my skin is sublimating, and i even got a pretty bad nosebleed the other day.

This concert really was like an Avengers moment, since not only it follows only a little while after Tamu and Nakucha’s solo lives, but also, as the very last stop of their tour, it’s the last project backed by the crowdfunding from two years ago (which i still can’t wrap my head around how insane that was). And it absolutely shows here, not only this is their biggest venue yet, but it was also incredibly produced. Like, from the stage outfits, to the adorable set decor, to some of the most professional and dynamic camerawork I’ve ever seen, it’s actually hard to believe that this wasn’t a company-backed concert, i cannot stress enough how well put together this live was.

The first three songs were probably the most in line with the summer theme, “Seishun Summer Dive”, which I’m actually a bit sad that they couldn’t find a way to sing the harmony parts live, but on the other hand, really highlighted just how perfect the live mixing was on this. The drums pop out so much that you’d actually think there was a live drummer in the venue. And yet, their voices were crystal clear, which particularly impressed me since not only were they wearing masks, but this song has the harmony parts and pretty dense horns as well, which could’ve very easily drowned out everything else.

Next was “Susume Lovely Idol...”, probably their silliest song, i really liked how not only they came up with a little choreography for it, but also fully acted out the little dialogue parts. While this isn’t a song that i usually go out of my way to listen to, it was very cute to watch it performed on stage.

They did a little intro MC (shout out to the couple people who were actually from overseas, i soooo envy you) and then went into the title track, “Splash the Tone”, and like, this actually got a little surprised because of it, especially since the previous two songs were so high energy, but i was absolutely captivated by how soft nayuta sounded in this one, like, not only the texture of her voice, but even her pronunciation of each word was unbelievably clear, my heart actually skipped a beat every time she had a solo verse.

(not biased at all guys promise)

Then “Instant Love”, which actually had a pretty involved choreo that they absolutely slayed. Something i really love about this song is that it’s a perfect example of how their combined vocals are greater than the sum of their parts. Like, you have the verses sung solo, then the pre-chorus has one vocal line front and centre, but with the other two harmonizing the backing vocals (which i particularly like how since they each have a turn, it showcases the different combinations of their voices and how they harmonize together) and finally the chorus, which puts it all together with their unison parts.

Next, they sang “Evo”, which i actually didn’t expect to become one of my favourites, it’s one of those that never leaves your head after your second or third listen (damn you Chinozo and your catchy hooks), it was a particularly “ooh!” moment for me when it came up because they sang a different summer themed version of it, with a different MV in the back and everything, although sadly it’s not going to see the light of day.

Oh yeah, as if this live couldn’t get any better, they even brought guests! Nakurage (CV: Natsume Itsuki) and Poyuta (CV: Natsume Itsuki), who were both incredibly honoured to be there and absolutely came out of their own volition and not at all because they were coerced into it by a certain lady in blue or anything.

Something i really like about these smaller concerts is that, at least from what I’ve seen, the MCs are much more laid back and freeform, particularly with this one where there’s three people on stage, there isn’t much of a worry about keeping the audience “in the moment” and they can just goof around a lot more. Tamu and Nakucha in particular are such a dynamic duo, their back and forth is always so amusing i love it.

Ending the “upbeat” part of the live, they sang “Tenshin Ranman...” and “RisingSun” because they’re required by law to sing these two together. They and the audience had these little wooden fans during these two tracks, and the visual of the crowd waving them around was really compelling for me, i don’t know why, like, it made the venue feel very “alive” in a way.

Also, for the first highlight of the night, “RisingSun” holy shoot, it’s already my favorite of the two, but the live performance was jawdropping. The song has a lot of long tones, and nayuta absolutely knocked it out of the park on her parts, her voice was soo bewitching like i can’t put into words how well she was singing here. Like i mentioned before i don’t know if it’s just me but her voice just feels even more clearer and softer than ever in this live, i couldn’t get enough of it.

Also also, i didn’t mention, but in this first “idol-y” part, pretty much every song had a little choreo for them, a couple were very simple, and a couple were genuinely impressive. Like i mentioned, the one in “Instant Love”, but also the one for “Tenshin Ranman...” were probably my favourites.

There was an intermission while they went to change outfits, and the song that they played was... something, i could barely follow along because it was so trippy, like think “Susume Lovely Idol...” but double the BPM and add some very weird beat drops and breakdowns and a bunch of nonsense lyrics. It’s not something they released i think but i couldn’t not mention it because it was so weird.

The second half of the concert (which was more like 2/3 of it) is where in my opinion it really pops off. First and foremost look at their outfits:

Not only were they absolutely rocking these on the stage, but they sang 5 absolute bangers back to back, “richromatic prayer”, their latest song, really reminds me of their earlier, super intense material, like, it’d be a perfect fit for “Galaxy Triangle” had it come out back then. Next, “Eikyuu no Gemini”, which i can’t really explain why but it has that particular sort of epic feel that gets you pumped up in a “i want to flamboyantly swordfight to this” sort of way. And “Koi no Illusionista”, which is one of my favourite songs of theirs ever, not only because it’s extremely catchy, but also it has a super crazy and addicting rhythm section, which was absolutely incredible to hear through a live mix. (also I’m pretty sure their outfits were based on the ones from the MV), they also had a choreo for this one, so even more extra points.

They kept going with “Sweet Dreams”, which looking back, was probably the only low energy moment from the entire setlist, i mean “Instant Love” wasn’t super high energy, but it had the most complex choreo so far to make up for it. Also i wanna praise the camerawork again, since the girls were sitting down for this one, they went crazy with the effects and angles to still make it visually engaging. And finally closing up the set, “Muhou Chiten”, another personal favourite, it’s a very quintessential Jpop song, but done so well that it just never leaves your head.

Now for another big highlight, the start of the next set was “Necrogamy”, which is like, an outstanding piece of music, like easily top 5 best LaPri songs, objectively speaking. I could just spend the rest of this report talking about all the things i like about this song, like, to me, it’s a distillation of everything that makes each of them, and LaPri as a whole, great, the lyrics are very engaging (massive props to Tamu, she wrote them!), and the melodies and instrumentation are so beautiful and captivating.

And of course, their vocals are so mesmerizing all the way, there’s solo parts showcasing their softer singing, then the first chorus in unison, displaying their synchronicity, but then, as the song shifts from major to minor they shift into harmonizing, which is probably my single favourite thing about this group: they each have such distinct voices, each very clear but in very different ways, yet they combine so perfectly when they harmonize, nayuta’s is focused yet clear, Nakucha’s is breathy and ethereal, and Tamu’s is strong and piercing.

Then there’s the c part, which suddenly brings the energy of the song up, and just condenses everything i just talked about, there’s unison parts, which devolves into disjointed solo verses, continuously building up in intensity until they all come in sync again to resolve the section. Finally, the song ends with a repeat of the a section, but it ends with them harmonizing a minor chord instead, reinforcing the overall theme of the song.

Yeah really like this song...

The next one was “GHOST”, which while significantly less intense than the last one, it makes up for it by having very expressive verses, the rhythm is a very tight groove and the verses are more spoken and rap-y, but the way they put a lot of emotion in their voices make it flow very naturally, while still being musically engaging. (Also i particularly love the drums in this one and again, the in house engineers killed it with the live mix). Then, “Sore wa Sekai...”, their first song ever as La Prière, and to this day one of their best ones, being incredibly well composed and masterfully making use of their vocals both individually and together. It was particularly interesting to hear it live, since it made for a good show of how much their singing has matured since then, Tamu in particular, since she sounds a lot more aggressive when she sings live, i feel like her parts were really the highlight of this track, particularly in the last chorus, where there was this little back and forth between Tamu alone and Nakucha and nayuta in unison, she cut straight though their softer vocals with how potent her voice is.

The final set of the concert though was just cruel.

“Habataku Kimi e” is another personal favourite, maybe not top 5 but extremely close, much like “Necrogamy” it’s all about how their vocals mesh together in all sorts of different ways, but while “Necrogamy” reels you in first before hitting you hard, this one is just a big explosion all the way through, like it’s all of the things i talked about before but condensed into a short but powerful burst of music, even more so on a live mix, where everything sounds so massive, and you can pick apart their voices even more clearly, like i got goosebumps so strong it actually hurt a little lol.

“Triptych Symphony” then follows in the vein of “Sore wa Sekai...”, in that it’s very much about each of them individually, showing off their own strengths and ultimately how they come together to make something even more beautiful as a trio than it’d be possible on their own, not only in the arrangement (which i can’t not appreciate that it was by nayuta, the talent on this girl), how it’s mostly solo parts, but certain parts will be highlighted by one or two of them doing backing vocals to support the lead for the part, and only converging in a unison part at the very end. But also in the lyrics, which actually i wanna come back to in a minute.

Then, finally, for maximum emotional damage, the final song of the concert was “Three Piece!”, which like... i didn’t think that i was gonna cry watching this live, but like, how do you not? That wasn’t fair at all. I wanna say that it was i think 10pm at the time but i actually sang along to this one, and yeah my sisters got mad at me for it but y’know what i had tears in my eyes and the biggest dumbest smile in my face and i regret absolutely nothing.

Thankfully they didn’t cut straight to the encore because the whiplash would’ve killed me, the first song was “Animatte Utopia”, which i had been wondering why it wasn’t together with “Evo”, since they both have the same energy. Again, since they didn’t cut straight to it like it usually is the case with these lives, and they even played a little intro for it, i had a little time to get my mood in order.

Anyways, i feel like I’ve been very cordial and respectful throughout this report, but i genuinely don’t think there’s any other way to express this.

nayuta.

Was too.

F***ing

CUTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So they had changed into casual clothes, as per the usual with encore sections, but for this song they each had put on a set of animal ears and tail, corresponding to the MV. Not only that, but this one also had a super cute choreo too, and it’s probably just because I’m biased since she’s my favorite but like i feel like out of the three of them nayuta was the absolute cutest, just completely and utterly the most adorable little thingie I’ve ever seen, like i wanted to squeeze her till my arms give out, especially considering she’s the shorter one of of the three of them, so she just looked even more cute jumping around and doing the animal poses next to the other two. Like i swear to god i wanted to scream into my pillow because of how cute she was...

...ahem...

So, uh, yeah. Also, the choreo for this song was a really intense one, and the song itself is very fast paced, so it was actually really impressive that they pulled it off so flawlessly, especially considering they were using handheld mics, which are way too easy to lose volume if you pull them away even just a little bit. But then again i shouldn’t be too surprised since they were absolutely slaying from early on in this live.

While they were doing the usual encore stuff, showing off the merch and all, Tamu brought along a cake, and they sang Nakucha happy birthday (the live itself happened at the end of February, her birthday being March 1st.). Apparently it was the backstage crew’s suggestion, which I thought was very sweet of them, Nakucha mentioned that she doesn’t really like to celebrate her birthdays (same), but that she was genuinely glad that they went out of their way to do that for her, she stole a bite of of the cake and they took the ending pics with it, i hope that made it one to remember for her.

Now, for this encore’s Reflection Time™, which i actually wanna get into quite a bit. Nakucha asked the other two to “summarize what La Prière means to them in one sentence”. It’s a very interesting question to pose, seeing that this is not only the end of their Tour, but of the whole CF campaign and the two years of projects and content that it spawned, it’s the end of an era, pretty much. Not to mention that Nakucha was the one to bring it up, considering that this is only a few weeks after her own solo live and what went on back then.

Tamu said that for her, it was a “turning point in her life”, mentioning how back then, it was a big push for her to quit the day job she had at the time, in order to make more time for LaPri’s projects. Of course, she had her solo career at the time, but that it was LaPri that pushed her to make that life-changing decision, and that she probably wouldn’t be here as we know her if it weren’t for it.

Coming off of that, nayuta said that it’s something that “added colour to her life”, how it allowed her to do things that she wouldn’t be able to by herself, this concert and tour being one of them. And that because she has the two of them with her, supporting her and stepping in where she falls short, she was able to broaden her horizons and achieve much more than she thought she could on her own.

(Also she mentions how the whole idea for a live CF project came from a long conversation about life that they had on the Tokyo Sky Tree at sunset, and like that’s the most idol anime thing ever are you kidding me???)

Finally, Nakucha says that for her, LaPri is “courage”, that back when she was doing her solo live, she had been so painfully nervous about doing it on her own, but now that she has the two of them with her this time around, she feels much more at ease. She talks about how she only got the courage to do a solo live because of having already done the LaPri concerts prior, because of the two of them pulling her out of her comfort zone and showing her what standing on stage has to offer, and that at the end of the day, she can do it on her own.

The overall sentiment here was very much that “i’ve made it somewhere i never thought i would”, which i think in the face of this concert in particular, is pretty much the single most suitable way to describe LaPri and the past two years. While y’know, in Nakucha’s solo live, the sentiment i got out of it was “someone not yet realizing how far they’ve come and how much farther they can go”, with this it was much more in the vein of them seizing an opportunity and taking it as far as they possibly can.

Nayuta mentioned how much of a wonder it was that the three of them, as doujin artists, were able to make it all the way to Tokyo Zepp (twice, even!), which thinking about it, yeah, that’s actually pretty crazy to think about. Sure, i think everyone who’s into japanese music knows one or two cinderella stories like that, but at the very least in the independent utaite sphere (as far as i know, Hifumi doesn’t have anything to do with LaPri in particular, though i wouldn’t be surprised), it’s not at all the most common thing to see projects of this scope.

I mean, yeah, they are sort of a supergroup, i think each of them has over 10 years of work under their belts, and are pretty much some of the most high profile people in the doujin music scene. But then again, it’s not the biggest scene out there to begin with, and even for some of the most accomplished veterans, a live concert is an incredibly arduous task to pull off on their own, part of the reason why you’ll most often only see them live in festivals or as part of larger projects.

And yet here they are, with a two part concert and a 3 part tour in only two years, finishing it off on Tokyo Zepp, and with such a widespread reach that not only were they able to stream it overseas, but they even got a sizeable handful of attendees from outside of Japan to come watch them in person. Putting it into perspective, it’s an absolutely bonkers thing to think about.

I mentioned the last three songs being such a hard hit, and i wanna elaborate on that a little more. “Habataku Kimi e” is a song about closure, it evokes the idea that things end and we gotta move on from it, but that there is much more to be seen beyond what we have now. That’s something that could be said about the live, the tour, the CF campaign or La Prière as a whole, especially if we take into account that it’s the theme song and very last track of their latest album.

They’ve just entered their 5th year as a group, and yeah, they’ve come so far, and achieved so much, but that’s gotta end at some point, and LaPri themselves are going to end at some point. And in that sense, and in the context of what they talked about afterwards, i feel like it’s as much of a song for themselves as it is a song for the listener, in the vein of “this won’t last forever, but that’s okay, we were able to be part of something special, and we can now look to the future precisely because we had it”.

“To you, spreading your wings, now i say

That this goodbye only hurts this much, because we’re now so full of light.

To you, spreading your wings, never stop moving forward

towards a new tomorrow, because even after we part

The paths we walk will continue on, forever”

The timing for this couldn’t have been more impeccable to me in particular...

If “Habataku Kimi e” is about “why” you should remember, then I’d say “Triptych Symphony” is much more about the “what” to remember them by, like i said, it’s very much about each of them and what makes their union special, i mean, a Triptych is a work of art in which three pieces (wink wink) make up a whole, which is reflected on the song’s overall theme of many voices, melodies, sounds, and destinies joining together to deliver a message, be it of “lament”, of “finality”, of “love”, and finally, in the last portion of the song, simply of “music”.

And y’know, while this song is about the merging of their voices, it’s very interesting that most of it is song in solo parts, with only a couple of spots where all three of them sing together, like in the first pre-chorus, “this lone melody i found among the darkness shall change my fate”, or the whole second verse, which is pretty much the complete opposite of the much more negative first one. The same goes for the verses each of them sing and how they might relate to each of them in a deeper level (Nakucha’s in particular), i hadn’t thought much of it before, but after listening to what they talked about in this concert, these choices seem much more purposeful than they appear.

And of course, “Three Piece!”, which to me felt very obviously like a celebration of everything that’s happened these past two years. It was the theme song for their first concert, the very start of the whole saga that this performance was closing up, which even now looking back at it, the fact that this entire project was even able to happen in the first place is just straight up unbelievable. I think that this one hit me as hard as it did because it marked the end of something that was lucky enough to be there every step of the way, it was something that I’m insanely happy to have been able to be a part of and to see through to its end.

I’m also extremely proud of the girls themselves, of course, for pushing forwards and upwards as far as they possibly could with this, and for how much they were able to accomplish because of it, as LaPri and individually, considering how much more each of them have been doing on their own in the past two years since the first LaPri live. At the very last drop of the song, the venue exploded with confetti and the crowd cheered super hard, and i don’t know why, but to me that moment in particular just absolutely filled me with joy, i don’t think that I’ve been as happy to have found out about them, to have donated to the CF, to have followed them throughout every step of this whole saga as I’ve been in that single moment. I just can’t put into words how immensely satisfying of an ending that was, like, they could’ve said that that was their last ever live performance and i would’ve been okay with it because it was such a high note to end things on.

Oh, yeah, and i haven’t even mentioned the second encore song yet.

“Chronologue”, the La Prière song, putting a bow on everything proper. I’ll admit that i wasn’t as emotional by the time it came around, since the first encore was so cute, and they talked for long enough after for me to pull myself together. This is a very special song in that the lyrics are by all three of them, and also I’m just now realizing that i made an oopsie because what this song is about is pretty much what I’ve discussed at length in the paragraphs above, so i kinda don’t have much else to say here...

The interesting thing about this song , though, highlighted here, is how it and “Three Piece!” sort of play off of each other in their similarities, Tamu even joked how hard of a punch it was to end the concert with one and the encore with the other. “Three Piece!”, which came later, is much more about looking ahead and wanting to do so much more moving forward, with verses like “There’s still much more to this story, and we’ll be together for it”. Meanwhile, “Chronologue”, which came before, is about looking back with pride on the path that one takes and being grateful for it, the titular verse of the song being “We’ve made it this far because you where here for us”. For this concert in particular, i feel like they were two different ways of expressing the same feeling, one in emotion, and one in the lyrics, which i think makes each of them a great ending in their own right.

And that’s that, the end of La Prière’s Splash the Tone tour, as well as the two year long crowdfunding campaign, it has been an absolutely insane ride and I’m so glad that i got to be a part of it. I hope that my painstakingly extensive rambling here encourages you to support your independent(-ish) utaites, i mean, who knows what other great projects are out there, waiting to be realized. Maybe it’ll be short lived, and maybe it won’t be the biggest most jaw-dropping thing in the world, but the fact that it was there, and that it happened, that alone makes it special, and speaking from experience, it is absolutely worth it to be there for something like that.

A little epilogue

It’s been almost a whole month and i still haven’t posted this freaking thing why am i like this.

I feel like i went through a whole character arc in those 3 months, in hindsight it’s pretty crazy how almost every one of these concerts had something in them that i needed to hear or think about, i honestly feel like i grew up a little lol.

All that aside, hopefully i can save up enough for this summer, since there’s gonna be a lot of stuff happening then too, though thankfully not as much as in these past few months (so far at least) so my bank account won’t cry as much. Sadly that means I’m gonna have to skip Albemuth’s live coming up this week, which sucks not only because I’ve been seriously into ADAM and their Christmas album, but i really wanted to see Aru off.

I’ll be paying attention to the live reports and Twitter so hopefully i can at least get a good grasp of how things went, but i just know I’m going to regret missing this opportunity, Albemuth really grew on me these past couple months and while i have accepted that there won’t be any more of them... there won’t be any more of them!!! And I’m gonna miss the very last of it!!! Can you see how that’s eating me alive!?

Also also, it’s M3 month!! So while things finally calmed down on the live side, i have new music on the horizon to look forward to in the meantime! The past 2 M3s have really been something for the artists i follow so I’m super excited to see what they’ve been cooking this time.

Anyways, uh, yeah, music good, girls who sing even more good, live concerts? Pshh, even gooder.

Cheers to all two of you reading this, i hope this year gets kinder to you and me both.

[purplesurveys]

1692

What was the last film you watched, that made you feel emotional? That’s a tricky one as I don’t watch really watch movies anymore, much less cry over them. The last memory I have of crying is over Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha but this was nearly two years ago.

Does anyone you know ever recommend books to you? Everyone kind of has an idea that I don’t really read, so no.

What was the last idea you had, that didn't quite go to plan? Not quite just my own idea, but Angela, Hans, and I had planned to go to Bruno Mars’ shows this weekend. Didn’t go to plan when we realized no one was selling their tickets. I LOVE Bruno Mars and would have wanted to see him, but considering I’ve just come from a trip and was recently at a concert I wasn’t as desperate as I would’ve been and also not as disappointed when it was becoming increasingly clear that we wouldn’t be able to see Bruno.

Is there a type of accessory that you always wear? I wear a bucket hat a solid 80-90% of the time I’m out.

What traits/behaviours do your pets have, that you find cute? Agi will force you to pet him/rub his head. Just sit down somewhere, have your hand where he can reach it, and he will keep nudging it such that it leads you to the crown of his head. 

As for Cooper, when he feels like whining, he does these little passive-aggressive whimpers that feel like he’s grumbling to himself softly but actually wants you to hear him. OH and I also love how, despite tending to be possessive around his humans, when it comes to his absolute favorite toy he always gives it up for Agi who usually grabs it away from him whenever we play fetch.

Has your phone fallen out of your pocket at any time recently? No. I never put it in my pocket for that very reason. I typically just have it in my hand as it’s the most secure you can be with it.

Are your nails long, short, or somewhere in between? They’re short. I never trim them with a nail cutter, though; I just tear(?)/pull(?) them out myself. It’s also an anxiety bit as I like to fiddle with my nails when I’m feeling stressed or bored.

What's the newest item in your make-up bag? I have never bought makeup. Bea did get me lip balm from her recent Seoul trip if that counts as makeup?

Is there anyone who 'likes' a lot of your posts online, but you don't talk? Sure.

Who was the last person to 'like' one of your photos on social media? How did you meet that person? That would be Jaynie. I think we met in Grade 2? Quickly became close as we were seatmates and always had recess and lunch together, until she transferred schools in Grade 5 and we didn’t talk for a very long time. The reason we were able to reconnect two years ago is pretty unsurprising – we both turned out to be ARMY. We both watched Yoongi in Bangkok (albeit different dates) and funnily enough were on the same flight back to Manila, which was the first time we had seen each other in 15 years.

Have you eaten a sandwich at any time recently? What was the filling? Yeah I had some kind of chicken katsu sandwich from a Malaysian 7-Eleven.

What was the last sound you heard, that you found unpleasant? My mom nagging on me earlier tonight – she'd been pretty short with me in particular this entire day for whatever reason, but that bit was the last straw my patience could possibly handle for a day and I immediately went upstairs for the night after that.

Does the shirt you're wearing have any kind of pattern on it? I wouldn’t call it a pattern but it has a pretty dope design! It’s half-green and half-white and is split in the middle, both front and back. Looks like this:

Do you use a notebook? What does the cover look like? I don’t.

Have you ever spilled nail varnish on anything you owned? Nope. Never in danger of that as I don’t own any nail products anyway.

What was the last song that you recall singing along to? Take Two, BTS.

Do you have a box of matches anywhere in your house? Yes, we keep them around in case the power goes out.

Is there anything that you plan to buy in the near future? Nothing any time soon as I plan on doubling down on savings after my trips. Apparently my family is planning a trip to Incheon for Christmas too so I need to save for that as well so that my visa application can look decent.

Have you experienced any pain or discomfort today? Earlier today I scratched my nose a tad strongly so that stung for a few minutes.

What made you feel cheerful today? Went to UP to have lunch, BIG YAY as I haven’t been there since December; then livestreamed Yoongi’s Seoul concert which everyone thought was the last in his tour until he announced 3 additional shows in Seoul this August. :D Who knows, I might get a JJK1 announcement tonight too????? WE’LL SEE IN 22 MINUTES

[chicagolive]

Hey there, darling Doly! Hope you’re doing well and that your vacation is going well!

That doesn’t sound well! I’ve only been on a plane twice and it was quite scary when there was turbulence! Oh I can’t stand mosquitoes!! They eat me up and I’m so annoyed by them. But I’m glad you’re enjoying the tropical weather! I bet it’s a relief compared to the cold!

I think the first ever handheld console I had was a pink ds! Buuut I did borrow my brothers stuff like their game boys and psp’s etc! I played a lot of ape escape, Spyro and then on my ds I played so much nintendogs! It was absolutely my favorite game! I miss it so much! I’m pretty sure I still have my old ds, I need to find it and get a charger for it. It had a hello kitty like lanyard attachment to it and everything.

A great thing you got out of there! I hope it isn’t too bad when you get back and the following months aren’t too bad either!

Oh, I cannot stand pits! I was in a pit once and I just hated it. People way too close and rude! I remember I was like middle of the pit which was my first mistake but I was 15 and didn’t really know any better. Then this woman and her two kids literally push their way through the crowd and just stop in front of me and were taller than me so I was just like 😐 okay then. And if I were ever to do a pit again I’d definitely stay towards the back where it isn’t crowded so I can dance and sing and breathe! I hope I get to go some time as well and I think it would be so fun to go with you! I always get weird about going with people cause I’m so into it at concerts! Like singing so much and belting my heart out cause I’m just having a great time and I dont want people to think I’m weird. I was suppose to see H last year but didn’t but I was going with my friend and they hated the way I described how I wanted to be at the concert and it made me like ☹️ but anyways!!! What artist would I like to see? Definitely H and L of course but also Niall, absolutely! I’d lose my mind if I got to see Djo live!! Oh and Hozier for sure!!! There’s honestly so many more but I dont wanna have this be like a whole list cause I could go on and on. I love live music so much.

I think the author is pretty good at setting that stuff up definitely! I felt like he did really well with that stuff in the Martian too. Like I felt like I understood a lot of like scientific things because he described them so well! His character in the Martian was good so I’m excited to see how he builds these new ones and to see their stories!!! I cannot wait. I’m pretty sure I’ll be getting Hail Mary for Christmas so I’ll be a bit behind you in the book but book club sounds fun and I can’t wait to have it!

That’s the same artist! How cool!!! Maybe once I’m off anon I can show you the pictures I took when I went! Oh, the Smithsonian! How cool, I’d love to go some day! Oh I love all those keychains! They definitely sound like things I’d have on mine.

It’s always great when it’s a group of people because it just keeps going!

All good answers for the speed round! I’d absolutely love to see the different kind of bags/purses you’ve got!

Speed round!!

If you wear hoodies, do you have a favorite one? Mine is this red hoodie that I tie dyed and I loved it so much that I wore it enough until it started getting holes all over it. I still have it but rarely wear it anymore because I don’t want it to fall apart more and it doesn’t bode well in the cold with all the holes!

Do you watch any streamers? I know I’ve asked about YouTubers so I thought I’d ask about streamers! I’m currently watching jerma’s Christmas stream as I write this and I tend to watch julien solomita streams and some other guys.

Do you like hats/think you’re a hat person? I personally enjoy hats/beanies but I’m not sure I look great in most of them! I do sometimes though imo

Have you ever been roller-skating/ice skating? I have and I love it but I’m so clumsy and awful at it for like an hour before I get the hang of it!

What’s been your favorite place to travel? I’ve only left my state a few times and each time I didn’t really get to sightsee so I’m not sure I can say any place!

Do you have any favorite fruits? Mine are strawberries, bananas, pineapples annnd those little oranges!

Alrighty last one, do prefer hard floors or carpet floors? I think hard floors just because it’s easier to clean up spills etc you know? Won’t stain like carpet! But other than that, I think I prefer carpet!

I hope you’re doing well and sending love and good times for your trip! Talk to ya soon!! ❤️

-🎉❄️

Hii, hun!! Happy Sunday!! Sending all the good vibes your way, love!! 💕✨

The weather is very nice thus far!! Still not used to sleeping at night without it being really cold and bundling up under so many blankets!! Lol. From the last I heard, it just kept raining, back at home, after I had already departed. I’d rather have than ice that sticks to the roads!!

My brother hated when I used his stuff. I would always try and steal his psp and play the only game I had for it, which as a Hannah Montana sing-along game thing. Which was nice cause I was obsessed with the tv show at the time! Hello Kitty keychain!? Cute!! I had stickers all over my older ds while with my 3ds, I’ve kept it as minimalistic as possible!

Oh, hun, I zone the fuck out at concerts as well!! We’d make a great pair lol. I always feel like I’m going too over the top at times, and then I question whether or not the people around me are annoyed with my presence. But then after awhile, I stop caring and go with the flow of concerts! We’re all there to have fun and do whatever it is we wish to do there as long as we’re respectful of everyone there! I can’t wait for Niall to go on tour! I’ll do whatever I gotta do to get as close as possible (as long as he doesn’t have a pit for his shows 😵‍💫).

After I finish Project Hail Mary, I’m definitely gonna grab a copy of the Martian!!

Really? Small world lol. I’d love to see the pictures you took!! I only have a limited number of them saved in my drive so I’d love to see more!!

Speed Round Answers!! Fav. Hoodie? It’s a tie between my university hoodie I got my freshman year and my Louis tour hoodie (I got it a size too small, but that doesn’t stope from wearing it lol). Streamers? Not really. I tend to stick to YouTubers. I like to be able to recap what’s happening in the moment, but I totally understand why people love streamers too!! Hats, thoughts? Eh, not really, but I wish I was!! I mean, on the rarest occasion, I’ll have a baseball cap on but that’s about it with my opinion on hats 😅. Rollerskating/iceskating? I’ve been roller-skating when I was younger, but not very good at it :/ | ice-skating, on the other hand, I haven’t done but would love to be able to!! Fav. Place to travel? Hmmmm… I haven’t been to many places, but I’d say when I went to study abroad in Italy in 2020. Right behind that would be to Puerto Rico. Fav. Fruits? I’m a whore for mangos, but not the traditional ones you see in the grocery stores!! They’re a lot smaller and yellow in color and when they’re just ripe enough, they’re so sweet and so good!! After that would probably be strawberries and kiwis (when they’re ripe!). Hardwood/carpet? I lived with carpet my entire life, but I would wholeheartedly say hardwood!! It’s so much easier to clean indeed!! Carpet is the bane of my existence when it comes to having to clean it!! 😵‍💫

[rantsbyra]

Overworked

July 15, 2022 2:20 a.m.

Miss Y - Marina

I’m sitting here writing this on my laptop at two in the morning not really upset about anything but more just tired and exhausted. I worked every day this past week and a half since last Thursday and tomorrow is the last shift I have to work before my day off. I had to cover three of my coworker’s shifts this week because she got covid, and those just happened to be the days that I had off. At first I thought ‘Oh cool I’m only gonna be working 3 days this week anyways, so here’s my chance for some more hours. Maybe I’ll even have enough money for a new phone with all the hours I’m about to get.’ But now after having worked these past 8 days and one left to go I am so incredibly tired. And I know it’s my fault for agreeing to take them, but it’s my blog so I can complain about whatever I want :p. Anyways, I’m just hoping all of this work gets recognized, by the very least with a FAT check on Wednesday. I also have to take some other shifts next week because two hours into opening today, this new guy who only started about two weeks ago, walked out and decided it was his last day, leaving only my manager and I to open the whole store until the next two people came in 3 hours later. His sudden leave of absence means that there where gonna be open shifts to fill up next week since the schedule had already been made and since my manager already had a hold of me she asked if I could take them. I said yes since I only work three days next week, but I didn’t take all of his shifts this time because I feel that after this week I’m gonna need some R&R. I’m gonna go to a Chase Atlantic concert on Saturday, so maybe I’ll post an update then. Till next time, bye for now :)

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[dailybeastarsthings]

Chapter 25 - My Summer

After the Meteor Festival, the summer break at Cherryton Academy begins almost immediately. Students, as a tsunami, flow out of the dorms and school buildings with their luggage to spend the months of July and August at home or on vacation somewhere else.

Each year, the students are required to write a short essay about their summer. This is a little selection of them.

LEGOSHI

As usual, I spent my summer at school, nothing new here. Since almost everyone was gone (except for the janitors perhaps and the kitchen staff maybe), I was all by myself most of the time. And honestly, I enjoyed that. Of course, I could’ve gone home to my grandfather, but we’re not on the best terms…

Being alone means that I could get up whenever I wanted to. Even if I didn’t have a chance to eat breakfast, it was amazing to sleep until noon sometimes. I spent most of the days watching videos about insects, societal norms and behavioral studies on EelTube. I also played some videogames but got bored of them pretty soon.

Some days, I also took out my pet beetle, Kabu, to the park so he could sunbathe and eat some fresh berries right from the bushes. He seemed to enjoy it quite much, although he was moving quite slowly, which might indicate that his time is nearly over. I’m hoping we will be able to celebrate at least Rexmas together.

During the evenings, I would either read some mangas or watch some other videos on EelTube.

For the last two weeks, Jack, my roommate, also joined me, so the amount of time we played videogames grew by a lot. We would also watch movies and series together and laugh hysterically at some of our silly moments together. He’s a really good friend of mine. I hope he knows that…

And basically that’s it. I know it’s not as sensational like other students’, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

JACK

My summer was pretty nice. I went home the first day of the break and spent the next day or two by catching up with my parents. Even though we message each other almost every week, there was still a lot to talk about. I told them about how the exams were and they were really proud of my results.

The next week, we went on vacation to a resort. There was spa with lots of opportunities to relax, like massages, saunas and pools. They also offered other fun activities like bowling and even tennis. Unfortunately, I’m not the one to typically enjoy these kinds of relaxation, so I mostly spent my days there reading and studying well, revising some stuff from the school year…).

When we got back, we visited my grandparents, since it was my grandmother’s birthday. We baked a cherry cake for her, which is her favorite. She was so happy when we served it to her. Of course I couldn’t escape the usual “Do you have a girlfriend now?” question, which is seriously annoying. Sometimes I feel like a parrot that I have to keep repeating myself “No grandma, I’m focusing on my studies not flirting” – which of course my parents understand, but she has to go on how she met my grandfather when she was 15 and have been inseparable ever since…

Well, anyway, for the last two weeks of the break, I went back to the dorm to keep Legoshi company. I don’t like him being alone. I’m not worried about him or anything; it just saddens me to see him so desolate. He swears he’s fine with it but still… We spent a lot of time together while watching films and thinking back to our childhood memories. It was pretty nice.

I hope the next summer will be just as good if not better.

JUNO

After the festival, I was pretty upset that I had to see Legoshi light a candle with that rabbit. It made me worry that I might lose him forever.

During the first days of the break, I went home to my family. They announced a surprise trip to a nearby cultural hotspot – a city with lots of museums, theatres and concert halls. I was really excited about it, because I love music and dancing. I also like museums, but not that much – all that walking exhausts me…

We spent a good month in that town, watching at least four performances in the theatre and a few classical music concerts in the concert hall. We also visited a few museums, but for the reasons above, I didn’t really enjoy that. We also tried a few different cuisines by visiting international restaurants. I can’t really find a good reason why, but the Portuguese one was the best in my opinion. Maybe the seasoning or the combo of the flavors?

Anyway, after we got back, I still had a month on my hands. In that time, I met a few good friends of mine from grade school. Since we study in different schools, it was a great opportunity for me to catch up with them over a coffee or some pastries. I also spent a good amount of time thinking about possible ways to get closer to Legoshi and maybe even have him become my boyfriend, but I had little to no luck with that. I’m not giving up though!

I look forward what the continuation of the school year brings!

HARU

The moment we lit our candle with Legoshi was pretty special for me. I never thought I would have such a good friend in my life. I wish I could relive that moment.

I went back to my family on the first day of the break. They kept asking about my school year, my grades and my health, which was quite annoying. They also kept lecturing me how I should be more careful and look after myself better. I didn’t tell them about what happened just before the Meteor Festival (of course) – they don’t need to know about that. I hate to say this, but sometimes I wish they cared less about me…

I spent most of my time at home. We couldn’t really afford a vacation since my father had a huge medical bill to cover after his surgery – he had a serious ear infection going on. Fortunately though, it seems that the doctors had done a great job and he will recover soon.

Since we don’t live that far from the school, I was also able to go to the Gardening Club and take care of the plants. Since I’m the only member and the plants need caring even during the summer break, I had to. Boy do I wish someone would sign up for club, too.

I also spent a good amount of time reflecting on my kidnapping. I watched videos and read blogs about how I should deal with such trauma. But in the end, I think I’ll leave it to professionals and get an appointment to a psychologist after we return to school. Hopefully it will help.

I also hope we’ll be able to hang out with Legoshi, too (and that someone will join the Gardening Club! Please?)

DURHAM

I myself didn’t go to the Meteor Festival, but I heard it was pretty awesome. However, I was more excited about the music camp my parents sent me to. I arrived there on the second day of the summer break and stayed there pretty much the entire time.

We were accommodated in small wooden houses, which had beds for four students. It was a bit tight and the common bathroom was not something I was happy to visit, but at least the houses had some sort of air conditioning.

The food was pretty good, too. Not as good as my mother’s or the school’s but it was still delicious and nutritious. We even had barbecue and bonfire nights every Thursday. We sang a lot and told horror stories. Some of them were a bit more… ridiculous than scary, though.

At the camp, I had the chance to play a lot on my guitar and even learn new techniques, which I was very interested to implement into my routine. We even had the chance to team up and write songs together. Not to toot my own horn, but our team wrote one of, if not the best song. We had my guitar, a rabbit’s saxophone, an otter’s drum and a mouse’s violin in a rather unique, yet harmonious melody.

When the songs were finished, we could present it to an audience. We were pretty scared because we didn’t know what to expect, and even got petrified when we stepped on stage. There were at least two hundred animals there with curious eyes. We were all thrilled when at the end of our song, everyone was cheering and clapping wildly. It was a pretty darn good feeling. A manager even walked up to me and gave me an offer to write a single. His one condition was to find a vocalist as great as my guitar skills. I sure know who I’ll ask – Miguno, who else?

Before we knew it, the camp was over and I had to head home. The next thing I knew was that I was back in school, writing this essay. I can’t wait to return to that camp though – I might even bring Miguno with me…

ELS

I had a ton of fun this summer!

First, I spent some time at home with my parents. We caught up and visited some relatives to enjoy some time together. Then, we went for a short vacation to a beautiful forested area with a huge lake. Its water was so clear, you could see the bottom of it – and it was supposedly 30 meters deep! It was so mesmerizing to watch the water gently vibrate. During our vacation, we also went hiking to visit some sacred places and pay our respects to the elements.

After our return, I spent a short time at home again before I headed to a botany camp. It doesn’t seem that interesting, I know, but trust me, it was pretty cool. And it was not my first rodeo either. I went there for the fourth time this year!

At camp, we learnt a lot about taking care of special and exotic plants as well as some pretty succulents. I know I’ll use that knowledge to be a better owner to my pet plant, Bertha. We also spent a lot of time walking around the city and maintaining the plants and trees in the parks and along the roads. I know it sounds like free labor, but it felt so good to see the fruit of it.

As some ‘extracurricular activities’, we could make fresh lemonade out of the fruits that were grown at the camp’s area. I went with a classic – strawberry. Sadly, the camp was actually pretty short, only two weeks, so I spent the remainder of the break at home. I took some time to practice the dance moves of my role in the Adler play, which we will, as usual, perform at the New Students Welcoming Event. Honestly, at this point, I don’t even know why we have rehearsals for that play… Sometimes I really wish we had some sort of club at school, which is focused around plants… Maybe I’ll start my own this year!

[fyeah-bangtan7]

Jin: “I just hope anyone who likes me is happy”

When you’re trying to speak candidly with someone, it’s not always easy to be pleasant and considerate at the same time. Jin is all those things. “Butter” is staying on top of the Billboard Hot 100. How does it feel? Jin: I can’t really get a feel for what kind of response it’s getting since I can only go to and from work right now. Since all the awards shows are done remotely/have moved online, too, we can’t accept any awards in person or feel the vibe in person or anything. And I don’t use the Internet much, really. Consequently, I ended up feeling less pressure and I could enjoy the promotional period itself a little better. I’m just glad we’re doing well in the meantime.

In your last interview with Weverse Magazine, you talked about the pressure you felt after “Dynamite” topped the Billboard Hot 100, but it seems like you’re mostly over that. Jin: You could say that I cleared my mind, or that I worked through some things. I’m pretty sure I am doing better than then. I’m keeping a pretty regular routine now that I’m getting accustomed to commuting life, even though my schedule is sometimes a bit erratic. When I had to keep working without a single day off, I was sometimes really tired because I had things of my own to do after work before going to bed, but now after cycling through this routine for a while I’m a little healthier and I’m getting a little more sleep, too.

Before “Butter” came out, you released a solo song, “Abyss.” You were very forthcoming about the psychological difficulties you revealed in the lyrics and what you wrote about the song. What effect did releasing “Abyss” have on you? Jin: I felt a kind of relief. I want my fans to picture me as being happy and I don’t actually want them to know that I feel that way, but now and then I feel the need to talk about what’s inside me. It’s been a few years since I expressed it in a song or explained anything about it so I feel a tiny bit relieved.

Part of the lyrics say, “I want to know more about you today.” That overlaps with the line, “I hold my breath and enter my ocean,” to make a song that’s like you’re meeting your own inner self. Jin: Even I don’t know myself very well, and I was also depressed at the time, and that’s how I chose to face that part of myself. I never had a chance to meet myself, and I just feel like I was submerged in my own ocean and came back up to walk on the beach.

It’s not a perfect solution, but just the act itself of trying to go deep into the place with the answer appears to have had a positive influence on you. Jin: I’m trying. I thought that sort of exercise was right for me, but if this doesn’t resolve anything, I’ll try something else, and then something else. If I’m having a hard time, I can ask the label for some time off to do something else. I feel like just being able to do that, even, is a little bit helpful itself.

Is your style of singing in that song related to the message you wanted to convey? You tried to reveal the problems you had in a frank manner and solve them in some way, and the song disclosed your emotions as straightforwardly as the lyrics did. Jin: I handled the overall direction and composition of the song with Kye Bumzoo, one of the producers, and Pdogg, the other producer, directed while I recorded the vocals. We decided I would just go with my gut and not try to make it sound pretty or anything. That goes for the lyrics, too. I prefer songs that convey emotion in a calm, straightforward manner, both when I sing and when I’m listening to music.

Then what about “Butter”? Although it’s also straightforward like “Abyss,” the feelings it expresses are more pleasant. Jin: Seriously, sometimes I think how great it’d be if I could sing this kind of song exclusively—other than the chorus. (laughs) I mean, every song we sing is so high-pitched. If you take out the chorus of this song, I thought I could do this song live pretty comfortably, no matter how hard the dance moves are.

You sing the “Butter” chorus in a light, high pitch. You must have given a lot of thought about how to express yourself for that part. Jin: I felt pressure because the notes in the chorus are particularly high, so I put all my power into singing it, but I actually ended up putting too much power into my vocals, so I kept thinking I have to ease up and chill. When we were doing the first performance in particular, I forgot all of that and put power behind my vocals. I get nervous for every performance, but some make me especially nervous. I feel it sometimes whenever I do those performances. Inside I’m like, Right—Seokjin, you said you would ease up, remember? Anyway, it’s also nice that I get to show off a lot in “Butter.” You know I’m handsome, right? (laughs) It makes me happy that I can show off my handsome face to my heart’s content and show you everything I’m capable of. I wanted to show all of this off in a performance as quickly as possible.

“Butter” opens with you making gestures with your hands while looking cheerfully into the camera. I imagine you had a lot of fun preparing for the performance. Jin: Practice is honestly a burden, though. Usually when we practice, I’m slow at learning the moves. So I’m not very good at it. [And] when I practiced with [performance director Son] Sung Deuk, he was really worried at first. This is tough—can he pull it off? He worried a lot, right up until we got up for our first performance, but when he saw me again after two or three weeks of doing “Butter,” he said to me, Whoa, is this Seokjin, the guy getting all that hot feedback lately? (laughs) He said I was dancing great. At first I hadn’t seen the response, so I asked him if he was teasing me, but he said, “No, everybody’s saying you’re dancing great.” If that’s really true, it’s all thanks to him. (laughs)

In the “ARMY Corner Store” video uploaded to YouTube for FESTA 2021 in celebration of the eighth anniversary of your debut, you said you put a lot of effort into following the songs and dances. Aren’t you satisfied with how “Butter” turned out? I feel like the song was more enjoyable thanks to the character you’ve built up over time. Jin: Well, the song where I’m most satisfied with myself is “Butter,” because I’ve been honing my skills for a long time at this point, and “Butter” is our latest release. As time goes by and we come out with more songs, and if I improve more, my favorite song will be whatever is newest, and then “Butter” might not be as satisfying to me anymore. But it’s the most satisfying one for now.

In what ways have you gotten better? Jin: When I first started this job, I practiced according to the staff’s directions, and even now in the case of dancing I’m still striving to follow along, but it takes me less time to adjust than it used to. When I review after practice, I can see how it’s going and what I need to do. It takes a little less time to line myself up with the beat than before, and I think I’ve become able to refine it a bit better. I was also happy this time around when Hobi told me my dancing really improved.

How was performing for “Permission to Dance”? Jin: I really like the song, but when we perform it, I wish I’d had more time to prepare. We had a comeback in May with “Butter” and then a fan meeting concert in June, so we got ready for “Permission to Dance” at the same time we were filming performances of “Butter.” We didn’t have anything else we had to work on before “Butter” so we had plenty of time to practice it, but we had to practice “Permission to Dance” and get ready for the fan meeting simultaneously. Time’s always tight, but I think I could’ve done even better if I could’ve taken a little more time. I wish I had had more time to put a little more effort in.

The more time you spend practicing, the better the outcome, and the more ambitious you end up becoming. Jin: So, I’m not good at memorizing lyrics, for instance. I think some of the other members can catch on real quick, but it’s not like that for me. So if we do something like a new song or a special one at a fan meeting, I have to spend more time preparing than the others. When a new song’s coming out, I have to practice for at least 4-5 days to get the hang of it.

You performed the rap in “Daechwita” for BTS 2021 MUSTER SOWOOZOO, but it’s really rare to see you rapping. I imagine the process you went through to practice was intense. Jin: It was so hard. I had to do “Daechwita” and “Chicken Noodle Soup,” but it was only about a month before the concert when the set list was decided. During that time, I’d come home after finishing work, turn on the music for “Daechwita” and practice it for 15 minutes, then do “Chicken Noodle Soup” after that, and then go straight to sleep. The next day I’d wake up, go to work, come home and do another 15 minutes of “Daechwita” and more “Chicken Noodle Soup.” I kept repeating that for a really long time. I’m terrible at memorizing lyrics so that kind of took a while.

That’s a lot of time to keep practicing constantly like that. Your work-life balance must also be important, too. It’s difficult to practice beyond a certain amount of time every day without having some time to relax. Jin: Exactly. Like I said, my skills are lacking when it comes to memorizing lyrics, but I think I have other abilities that cover up for what I lack. In fact, I enjoy constantly memorizing things like that. My gift is my ability to enjoy practicing repeatedly, so if I somehow succeed before the deadline, I give myself praise. (laughs) Practicing takes me a long time, so I just decided to treat it as one big project. The way I do it is, when I say it’s time for a break, it’s time for a break, and I rest to my heart’s content.

You seemed to be talking about the importance of time spent outside working hours in “ARMY Corner Store” when you said the measure of your satisfaction is the degree to which you can pass your day meaninglessly. As a member of BTS, you must not have that much time to spend as you please. Jin: Koreans my age have no choice but to self-improve these days. You have to improve your qualifications, learn things, and people even tell you your hobbies have to be productive, even though they’re hobbies. After being taught that way since I was young, I think I need to follow through on that somehow. I feel like I have to do something productive, even when I’m trying to take a break. But if I don’t do a single thing and just loaf around in bed, or do some unproductive, unnecessary activity, I actually end up feeling satisfied. Go from sleeping to waking up, waking up to eating, eating to sleeping again. Wake up from sleep and suddenly want to watch TV, and go watch it. If there’s nothing good on TV, play a game, then look at the clock, and if it’s late, sleep. I think everyone needs days like this.

That time must become all the more important when you’re busy being a member of BTS, since you don’t have much time to spend that way. Jin: When I’m not working, all I really want to do is something I enjoy for myself. In that case, people might wonder why you’re doing things that won’t help you in life, but I think that time’s important for everyone. Society is always seeking out the things that are useful. And that’s good, too, but for our own sake, I think we require time to find stability in our own minds, even if it looks useless in the eyes of others.

Speaking of which, you posted a picture of yourself eating with Bang Si-hyuk, the producer, on Weverse. It’s amazing that two people with so much influence and things to do can take the time to relax together. Jin: People around the office might feel he is unapproachable, but I don’t find him to be like that. (laughs) So I asked him in passing to have a drink and he suddenly said, “Okay, when are you free?” Most of the time, though, I only meet like that on a spur of the moment, so I said, “Uh, I’m busy right now. This day’s all booked up, too, and so’s this day.” (laughs) “Then just give me a rough time and I’ll make time when you’re done.” We talked back and forth like that and he came to see me the next day for dinner when I was all finished with work. And he said he’d cook for me and buy wine, too. Anyway, it was a nice meal.

You couldn’t have felt that comfortable with him before your debut (laughs) but as time passed, many things have changed. Everyone became so successful, too. Jin: You could say that I was in a position where I was looking for a job when I was a trainee. At the time, I thought people who got chosen seemed really cool, but by contrast I had no confidence. I don’t think it would’ve actually happened this way, but I thought if I talked to someone who found work, they would give me the cold shoulder, sort of. So I didn’t feel very confident.

I think you showed that you have confidence with the joke you told on tvN’s You Quiz on the Block about your older brother calling you Mr. Seokjin lately, or when you talked about the mood when an older relative gave you money for Korean New Years on V LIVE. That you can easily accept anyone no matter how they handle you. Jin: Right. If I don’t behave that way, everyone else has a harder time. People I know will say “the superstar is here” as a joke. If I say, “Superstar? What are you talking about? Don’t say that,” and give them a serious look, they’ll have no idea what to call me next time or what to talk about. Honestly, if someone who’s meeting me for the first time or doesn’t see me that often responds in that kind of somewhat exaggerated way, they might think it’s fun. I’m sure that’s the way I’d react if I met a really famous person. So if someone says, “Aha, the superstar is here,” I say, “the superstar has come!” too. As long as I don’t respond in a serious way so everyone can tell it’s a joke, the ice is broken.

Now that you’re a superstar for real—not a joke—is there anything you’d tell the old, unconfident Jin from the past if you could meet him? Jin: I don’t know what I would tell him. I want to tell him to keep his head up (laughs) but if I gave my old self too much to think about, he might end up feeling exhausted after practice and give up. I think it would be enough just to tell him to work hard.

Where do you find the ambition to keep working hard, even now? Jin: From ARMY’s reactions, of course. I’d say I’m trying harder and trying to do well without exhausting myself so I can see people on Twitter or Weverse saying I’ve improved or that I’m doing a good job. And these days we have to do the performances on film, and we shoot them in advance for the sake of quality. Because of that, we usually record the performances long before the songs get released, which means we have to change our looks for the recording. It’s hard to go public with my new look until anything’s officially released for that reason, or else there could be spoilers. That makes me all the more eager to show off the best parts of myself in our performances. If it weren’t for the current situation, I could instantly see our fans’ reactions, so it’s a shame they can’t see me working this hard.

What would you like to say to ARMY? Jin: I hope our fans don’t lose their laughter. I’m not really good at saying those kinds of cheesy things. It’s not in my personality. I feel embarrassed and cringey when I talk like that and I can’t take myself seriously, so I try to keep it to a minimum. But fans watch us as a hobby, you know? Hobbies are all about enjoying yourself and being able to laugh, so I want to look happy for them, not exhausted. I go out of my way to make funny posts or leave funny replies on Weverse to make them happier. I just hope anyone who likes me is happy. And I don’t want them to see anything bad. That’s how I feel about my work.

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