#but apparently one (1) succession video is enough to wipe them out

[decepti-geek]

I watched one single hyper-specific video about Succession, for a very specific reason, and now literally every other recommended video on my youtube homepage is about Succession and I am genuinely LIVID

[immacaria]

You are not alone.

  Hi! This a little SangCheng fic I wrote because I was feeling odd and strange for no reason and writing always helped me clear my mind. Beside that, I saw a reblog @theresa-draws about a SangCheng month and if you squint enough you may see a Day 1: Childhood friends here. Well, that said, thank you for reading this and enjoy! 

    Jiang Cheng has been feeling odd and idly for quite some time now, not able to know how to fix that nor how to express he was feeling that. The last time he felt these was on the last day of school, when they were about to take their admissions exams and he was certain he would not pass. Along with that, he had a huge fight with the only person that took time to actually listen to him and they weren’t talking, but that was not Nie Huaisang’s fault. He knew that his parents wanted him to do a business major or something alike so that the company would have an eligible heir. He wanted that too, but there was a wrong feeling about it, like it was him who was living his life. 

  Last time he felt like there was a ball of strings that looked like could never be disentangled, he was at his and Wei Wuxian’s room at Lotus Pier, curled up in a ball to muffle the crying. Jiang Cheng knew that Wei Wuxian was right there, beside him, hearing his crying and sniffs and silent screams and he too knew that the other wasn’t coming to hug him or lay beside him in his bed. He wouldn’t, but not because he didn’t care or because he thought Jiang Cheng was weak for crying when there was no reason to cry at all, he wouldn’t come because he too was too worked up on his own projects and worries to realize what was going on in the bed right next to him. And Jiang Cheng felt stupid for blaming and getting angry at his brother because of it. 

  Now, he was feeling exactly like two years ago. Odd, static and helpless. Not that his breakdowns were so sporadic, they happened on a daily basis, but since he went to college and started living with Nie Huaisang, they had decreased. Which was good if he took Huaisang’s opinion on consideration, and he did. Yet, a decrease isn’t the same as stopping and he was pretty sure he was having one of those once again. 

  It was a horrible feeling to feel at the same intensity as from before, like there was a giant ball in the pit of his stomach, sometimes it was black, sometimes it was white. Nonetheless, it looked like it would stay there forever, holding him from doing what he wanted to, like wanted to. Looking back at his week, there wasn’t much things that should create that fucking ball. Yeah, there were some misunderstandings at it, but nothing he couldn’t handle. 

  Then, why was him like that? Why was him feeling this when he knew there was no reason? Why was he so weak and pathetic? Why couldn’t he overcome this already? Why was he still feeling like this? Why couldn’t he be happy? Why couldn’t he imitate Huaisang and be fucking happy and satisfied with his own life? Why had to be like this? Why was him so weak? 

  He was holding back the tears, face hidden in the sheets to muffle every sound he made, his hands grasping at his shirt as he tried to not alarm his roommate in the next room. {“The walls are thin, A-Cheng, so if my music bothers you, just knock or throw something at it, okay?” Huaisang said one day, smiling. Jiang Cheng never told him he didn’t mind the music as much as he was happy.} Nie Huaisang needed all the sleep he could muster up before his exhibit tomorrow, especially how he got all worked up everytime other people, beside Nie Mingjue and Jiang Cheng, saw his paintings. 

  “A-Cheng?” The door cracked open and Jiang Cheng tried to summon all the self-taught tricks to not show he was crying only seconds ago. 

  “Yes?” He answered, grimacing at how his voice sounded hoarse and broken. He wasn’t doing a good job at hiding, apparently.  

  “Can I come in?” Huaisang said opening it a little more. “I think I need a hug.” He added, which also could be heard as You need a hug. If he ever needed a hug, he was simply going to get one, usually attaching himself to Jiang Cheng’s back and only letting go when he felt better. 

  “Yeah, c’mon.” He coughed a little, clearing his throat. “What happened?”

  “Da-Ge is coming here. I want to pretend that we were fighting.”

  “Then why are we hugging?” He whispered, looking over his shoulder. 

  “Because we get sad when we fight.” He whispered back, tightening his embrace. “And because you are stressed.” He added after a while, burying his nose on Jiang Cheng’s neck. Nie Huaisang took a deep breath, feeling his friend trembling beside him, holding back the tears. “Want to tell me what happened? Today? This week?”

  “Have you…” He started, after some minutes, taking deep breaths as he rearranged his thoughts in coerent words. “Have you ever felt like there is this huge, ugly and hurtful ball of emotions on the pit of your stomach? Weighing you down like a block of concrete?” Nie Huaisang knew it was a rhetorical question with no need to be answered, but he had been there and knowing that someone went for something like that helped so he nodded tightening his grip even more. “Did you ever feel like your emotions were string alike and it will never disatangle and disappear? Like everything's just building to it and making it bigger and worse?” He let out a choked noise, like a cry he tried to hold back. 

  “Don’t hold your tears. Please, don’t.” He whispered against his neck, massaging his chest gently. “Let it all out for me, A-Cheng.”

  “I feel like I’m in a cell but the door is open and I was told that I can leave whenever I want. Yet I know that if I do, I will get beaten up by the guards and get thrown in the cell once again.” Now the tears were definitely rolling down his face, pooling up at his ear and pillow. “I don’t ha-have reasons to be feeling this. My week was good, all my days were good. Then why, why am I feeling like this?! Why am I so weak, A-Sang?!” He screamed, clutching at the hands on his chest. “Why can’t I be normal? Why am I going crazy?!” He cried, closing his eyes with such force he started a headache forming. “I feel so lost.” His voice was so broken, so sad like he didn’t believe there was anything beside that feeling. Huaisang understood what he was going through, he felt the same way when his dad died. How could he not? His dad was a father and a mother for both him and his brother. So, Nie Huaisang let him cry and clutch to him like a life-saver, humming a soothing lyrics Nie Mingjue sang to him. And Jiang Cheng cried and cried till he screamed and his voice went hoarse as the tears stopped coming. Even after that, Nie Huaisang didn’t let go of him, choosing to hold his embrace for as long as possible. 

  “Thank you.” Jiang Cheng at the same time Nie Huaisang started to say:

  “You’re not crazy. Sorry, you were saying?” 

  “Go first, I feel like I have talked too much already.” He turned around his arms, scooching to the side to get in a better position. “Say something, even if it’s just about your dramas or the success of your plottings on Nie Mingjue’s company.”

  “You are not going crazy, you know? And even if you were, I wouldn’t mind. Do you know why? Because there is no problem being a little crazy, especially in this fucking world.” Nie Huaisang began, wiping a stray tear away. “You are the most courageous and bold person I know. Do you think any of our friends would do what you just did? They wouldn’t.” He said resolutely and he watched as Jiang Cheng’s eyes filled with tears once again. “You are not normal, A-Cheng. Neither I am, neither is Da-ge or Wei Wuxian. We all are a little bit crazy and that’s okay. It’s just that some people are better at hiding than others.”

  “Yeah, okay.” Jiang Cheng’s mouth revolved around itself, rolling his eyes. 

  “I’m serious. Did you ever looked at Da-ge and thought ‘This man cries every time he sees a video of a cat playing.’?” He said, holding his shoulder. 

  “No. He does?” 

  “Yeah, any video of a cute animal will have him crying in seconds. But Da-ge isn’t the focus here. You are and so are your feelings.” He rearranged himself before continuing. “You asked me if I ever felt like there was a ball at my stomach and my emotions were string alike, my answer is yes, I did. For a lot of time I did. I remember what it was like to stress over every and single thing around me, but at the same time I felt there was not a thing to be stressed about. I was going crazy and no matter how much I cried or screamed that ball never seemed to disappear.”

  He breathed once, closing his eyes for a while, seeing the funeral of his father behind his eyelids, the way his uncles and aunties were looking at him and Nie Mingjue, some with pity, others with greed and envy. Right behind that, his mother’s one where no one of her family attended to, just him, his brother and his father. He didn’t quite remember it, just Nie Mingjue cradling him up in his arms. But there were other memories too, like his father throwing him into the air while his brother laughed beside them, his mother’s hand guiding him through the paintings, Mingjue running with him on his back across Qinghe’s fields. 

  “You said that you feel like you are in a cell with an open gate, but you cannot leave for the guards will beat you. I assure you that’s not right. Yeah, there will be days that you wish anything would just disappear and leave you alone.” Nie Huaisang sat up, bringing Jiang Cheng with him. “But those are days, moments even, in your life. A-Cheng, you are the sweetest boy I ever met and angriest too, but that’s because you care. You care so much about so many people…” 

  “That’s not true.” Jiang Cheng growled, averting his eyes. 

  “It is. Because you are this amazing. And you’ve accomplished so much, even if your parents never saw it.” He smiled at him, kissing the bridge of his nose. “You deserve every good thing in your life, A-Cheng. This ball will fade, soon or later, you’ll see, you’ll feel better.” 

  “Who taught you that?” Jiang Cheng snickered, caressing his cheek. 

  “The internet.” He winked, hugging his waist as they laid down again. “Promise to never hid your tears and feelings from me again?” 

  “Promise.” And after a heartbeat, he added. “Promise to hide yours? You cry too much, A-Sang.”

  “A-Cheng!” Nie Huaisang screamed, making Jiang Cheng laugh out loud and these time the tears that left his eyes were happy tears. 

  Yeah, they might not be this functional and serious and well-settled men people wanted them to be, but they were happy, wealthy, healthy and absolutely bonkers. But life was good and there may be days where it isn’t so good, but they had one another and their family to help whenever the world got too much. 

  And there was nothing more that Nie Huaisang could ever ask for. 

[traincat]

not to be dumb on main, but I’ve only rly seen the mcu and not read many comics and I was wondering if you could tell me the reasons you ship spideytorch? Esp bc it’s spideytorch week

I can do that, especially in light of it being Spideytorch week. (I can even tie it into the first two days of @spideytorchweek‘s themes because I’m brilliant like that.)  If you’re coming from a mostly MCU background, what you need to know about Spider-Man comics is that, by in large, they’re a very different animal, especially in terms of Peter’s personality and supporting cast. Unlike in the MCU, he doesn’t have a best friend in high school – there is a Ned Leeds in comics, but he’s a reporter for the Bugle who functions as Peter’s rival for the affections of his first girlfriend, Bugle secretary Betty Brant, and Peter wouldn’t meet Harry Osborn or become friends with Flash Thompson until he entered college. If Peter does have a male friend he’s close to during this point, for the relative value of “friend”, it’s Johnny Storm.

Peter and Johnny first meet in the very first issue of Amazing Spider-Man. This is partially because the Fantastic Four’s brief appearance in the issue were used promote this new superhero book. One thing you have to understand at this point is that the Fantastic Four were wildly popular at their debut, and featuring them in the first solo Spider-Man story was a surefire way to get people to pick up the book. What this ending up cementing was a long and storied in-universe connection between Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four. Peter’s served as an Avenger in 616, but he’s family to the Fantastic Four. 

Not that Peter and Johnny got along at first.

(Amazing Spider-Man #1)

(Amazing Spider-Man #8)

(Strange Tales Annual #2) There was some pretty extreme pigtail pulling going on at first from Peter towards Johnny.

This is one of the premier friendships – developing at this point as it is – in Marvel comics. It basically predates all of the other big ones: Captain America and Iron Man, Luke Cage and Danny Rand, any other big Spider-Man friendship. This came first. There’s a lot of reasons for that – team ups between the Human Torch, who at this point was big enough to have his own run on Strange Tales in addition to the Fantastic Four, and Spider-Man, an instant hit with fans, was good for the sales on both books, and the relationship made sense and was organic because both characters were teenagers who were the same age, who had gained powers in fantastic accidents, and who both had personalities suited to a banter-filled rapport filled with fun bickering.

In spite or maybe because of that early bickering, though, it quickly becomes apparent that Johnny really respects and admires Spider-Man:

(Amazing Spider-Man #18)

Peter Parker, on the other hand, who Johnny’s at the time girlfriend Dorrie Evans thinks is just so polite and gentlemanly? Peter Parker, Johnny doesn’t like so much at this point.

(Amazing Spider-Man #21) And here we have the beginning of our identity porn, practically a staple when it comes to superhero ships. This kind of dynamic between Johnny and Spider-Man/Peter Parker would continue up until Peter revealed his identity to Johnny in the middle of a crisis, having to silently trust him to understand:

(Spider-Man/Human Torch #5)

So you’ve got this amazingly long history, and from the beginning the shippy tropes are piling on – Johnny saying he could understand if his girlfriend fell for Spider-Man, Peter and Johnny having their own special meeting place, and then there’s the fact that Johnny gets kidnapped to use as bait for Spider-Man:

(Amazing Spider-Man #19)

Fast forward a bit. After the death of Gwen Stacy, who Peter was very much in love with and who he was seriously talking about marriage with, Peter unsurprisingly falls into a dark mood. One of the bright spots for him? Building the Spider-Mobile, which he’d been hired by an automotive company to drive, with Johnny:

(ASM #130)

In an updated version of this story in Spider-Man/Human Torch #3 (they even had their own team up comic!), Peter speaks to Gwen’s ghost-slash-memory, and says that when he’s with Johnny he feels like he’s “her” Peter again, the best version of himself:

“And for the first time in a long time, it doesn’t feel like I’m putting on act, or going through the motions. Suddenly, I’m Spidey again. No, I’m Peter again. Your Peter.” Considering Peter was head over heels in love with Gwen and planned to spend the rest of his life with her, that’s one hell of a romantic statement.

Couple this with the fact that, in and out of the mask, Johnny’s consistently one of the best people at calming Peter down and making him take a step back. That might not sound too impressive if you’re not familiar with comics Peter, but in comics, when he’s angry and upset, he has a tendency to verbally lash out at people he loves and isolate himself. It’s generally not a good idea to get in the middle of one of his fights, either – think like inserting yourself into the fight when your dog’s trying to fight another dog. Your dog might love you, but there’s still a very good chance you’re gonna get bit. Johnny’s success record here is unmatched.

(ASM #591)

(Amazing Spider-Man (2015) #5)

Then there’s the fact that Peter clearly feels protective of Johnny. (Though, to be fair, 616 Peter feels very protective about everyone he loves.) When Johnny lost his powers and was on a self-destructive bender, Peter teamed up with Johnny’s other best friend, Wyatt Wingfoot, to snap him out of it:

(Fantastic Four v5 #12) Look at that hand on Johnny’s stomach, steadying him on the building’s ledge. Also look how pretty Johnny is – the real question is, why isn’t he shipped more?

Peter also spent served as Johnny’s personal taxi afterwards:

(Fantastic Four #642)

When the Red Skull recently possessed Johnny and failed to make Johnny hurt his teammates, he taunted Peter by threatening to kill Johnny in front of him, a threat to which Peter violently reacted:

(Uncanny Avengers #20)

So there you have your hurt/comfort, the second trope at play here. (Also, Johnny is a champion damsel of the Marvel universe. I once tried to average out how much he faints and came out with something like 1 out of every 3 issues in the early Fantastic Four days. If you like your hurt/comfort, Johnny Storm is right here, collapsing all the time and getting kidnapped by giant gorillas at least three, one time of which – Amazing Spider-Man Annual #4 – Peter has to save him.)

There’s a million other factors that play into “reasons why I ship them” here – they canonically consider themselves family. They have an established tradition to meet up every Christmas morning at the Statue of Liberty. When Johnny died (he got better) he left a video will instructing that his place on the team be left to Peter and saying that “we all love you”:

(ASM #657)

They lived together when Johnny was recovered alive for a short period of time, during which Johnny cooked Peter breakfast in nothing but his underwear and a saucy apron, yes, really:

(FF #17 – there are word bubbles here in the finished issue, but they just distract from the rest of this, honestly.) And when Johnny’s family disappeared and Peter found himself unexpectedly a millionaire (long story), he bought the Baxter Building to keep it safe for Johnny. They’ve mentioned having movie nights in canon. Whether or not anyone ships them, it’s hard to deny in canon that they love each other, and that they have a bond forged over decades and decades worth of canon. They’re incredibly close, to the point where, when Peter’s identity was wiped from the minds of just about everyone on the planet, Johnny was one of the few people (along with Felicia Hardy, Peter’s ex-girlfriend) who knew that he used to know who Spider-Man was, and the loss of that knowledge hurt him deeply. They’ve fought together, they’ve saved each other lives, they’ve celebrated holidays together, and they’ve propped each other when the other needed it. It’s a ship with so much history it’s honestly hard to sum them up quickly or efficiently – honestly, they have more history and more reasons to ship them than, I would say, at least 80% of other popular ships and I mean ships in general, not just Marvel ships. It’s pretty amazing to have a relationship in canon that has endured the test of so many years and still remained incredibly relevant to each character. If you’re interested in checking out some more comics featuring them, I have a big long in depth reclist here!

Also, Johnny once slept naked in Peter’s bed:

(Civil War II: Amazing Spider-Man #1)

Just platonic best friend things. You’re welcome.

[halo20601]

Peridot’s New Best Friend

Based on this video by MKatwood:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLnda4ZehoU

______________________________________________________

During a routine test of the warp pads, Peridot was accidentally warped to an abandoned asteroid. There, she discovered a pink Gem and learned that she had been there for over six-thousand years. Apparently, she belonged to a Diamond Peridot’s never heard of before. It took some time... more than she would've liked and a lot of effort, but Peridot was able to get this Gem, known as Spinel, to return to Homeworld. Now, she has been following her around ever since. She has even referred to the green Gem as her “New Best Friend.”

“So, where are we goin’, bestie?” Spinel asked from behind, as her shoes squeaked with each step.

To say Peridot was annoyed was an understatement, but nonetheless answered, “Well, Spinel. My Diamond has requested that I personally monitor the progress of a geo-weapon that had been incubating within the planet Earth for the last several thousand years, known simply as the Cluster.”

“Ooh, sounds spooky.”

“Indeed. However, the current status of the Earth remains an unknown factor. The Red Eye that was deployed to investigate has failed to report back any evidence of Gems or any other threats living on Earth. My own research into the matter has shown that all Gems on Earth were wiped out. Therefore, I assume it should be safe to travel to the planet.”

Spinel shapeshifted her hands into question marks. “Why don’t we just take a ship?”

“I would rather not waste any more time than needed, so I have deployed Flask Robonoids to repair the planet’s damaged Galaxy Warp to make the trip quicker. The repairs should be done by now.” The two Gems entered the Warp Chamber and stepped onto the nearest Galaxy Warp. Peridot pointed one of her limb enhancers fingers directly at Spinel’s face. “This is a reconnaissance mission. I expect you to be on your best behavior, understand?”

Spinel saluted to Peridot and said, “Okeydokey.” The pad began to glow and whistled as the two of them were enveloped by the warp stream.

Peridot and Spinel emerge from the stream, arriving on Earth. “Hmm,” Peridot mumbled as she looked around. She stomped on the pad. “The crystalline structuring is stable. Good.”

“Wow!” Spinel exclaimed as she took into the sight. “I’ve never been on another planet before.” She turned to Peridot and bounced up and down. “What should we do first?”

“First, I am going to make a log of our current status.”

“Well… Imma climb one of those rock things.” Spinel pointed at one of the pillars.

Peridot sighed. “Do whatever you want, just don’t leave the site.” Peridot looked to the pink Gem and saw her about to poke one of the robonoids. “And don’t mess with the robonoids!”

Spinel pulled her finger back then transformed her legs into a spring and jumped away, while the fingers of Peridot’s limb enhancers floated into a screen. “Log date, 3 1 2.” One of the robonoids crawled up on to Peridot’s shoulder. “This is Peridot, performing Earth hub maintenance check. Warp repair is a success. All seventy-nine Flask Robonoids deployed are accounted for. Preparing to locate and manually reactivate Kindergarten…”

“Hey, Peridot!” Spinel screamed loud enough to make her twitch.

Peridot looked up at the pillar Spinel sat on, exhaled, and asked with gritted teeth, “Yes?”

“You gotta check the view up here!” Spinel pumped her fists up as she kicked the air.

“Get down from there!” Peridot stepped off the Galaxy Warp. “We are here to do important work for the lustrous Yellow Diamond! Not look at… at… whatever it is you’re looking at!”

“I think it’s called an ocean.”

“I don’t care! Just get down here!”

Spinel did what she was told as she hmphed, “Sourpuss.”

“Now, we need to access a domestic warp to…” That’s when something caught Peridot’s attention. “Huh?” There was a strange symbol pasted onto the pad. It looked like a circular organism with water coming out of what appeared to be eyes. She grabs the corner and carefully peeled it off.

“What’s that thing?” Spinel asked from behind, making Peridot jump.

Peridot turned around. “Don’t do that!”

Spinel shrunk. “Sorry.”

“This site may have been compromised.” Peridot stepped back on the Galaxy Warp, but not before deactivating all the robonoids within the area. “Come on, we must report our findings to the Diamonds.” Spinel took an elongated step back onto the transporter. The pad came to life with a glow and whistle, and the two Gem’s reentered the warp stream.

Back on Homeworld, Peridot and Spinel made their way across the bridge leading to Yellow Diamond’s palace. The topaz guards by the front entrance stepped forward. “State your business.” One of them asked.

“I am Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG.”

Spinel popped up from behind her giggling. “And I’m her best friend, Spinel.”

Peridot dragged her fingers across her face. “We’re on official business and need to speak with our Diamond immediately.”

The topazes looked at and nodded to each other before answering, “Understood.”

The door slid open, and the two Gem’s entered. They walked down a long hallway until they came across Yellow’s pearl sitting by a desk as she observed a monitor. She noticed the two Gems and disinterestedly asked, “Can I help you?”

Peridot replied, “Yes. I am Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5…”

“Yes, yes, I know who you are. Yellow Diamond is currently indisposed right now, so if you have anything to report to her, report it to me.”

Peridot grumbled to herself as she brought up her screens and began transferring the data over to the pearl’s monitor. “As you can see, I have gathered up all the information I could upon my arrival to the planet Earth. The Galaxy Warp has been made fully functional once more, and I intend to return soon to gather an update on the Kindergarten.”

“We also saw an ocean!” Spinel added.

“That too.”

After receiving the information, the pearl responded, “Okay.”

“Just, okay?” Peridot asked with a hint of wounded pride. “I think my efforts are worthy of more than just “Okay.”

“I’m transferring the information over to my Diamond, and she’ll evaluate if your efforts are worthy of more than just “Okay.” Now, unless you have any further business, please leave; you’re holding up the line.”

Peridot and Spinel looked behind and saw no one else behind them, with the latter asking, “What line?”

“That’s just a polite way of me telling you to go away.”

“Very well,” Peridot replied as she and Spinel turned and left.

“Well, she’s rude.” Spinel stated.

“You don’t know the half of it. Come on, let’s head to the archives.”

“What for?”

“To find out more about this.” Peridot pulled out the emblem found at the Galaxy Warp. “If this is a symbol of potential enemies, we must alert the Diamond Authority to their presence. Do you know how much praise we may receive if we’re successful in this task?”

“I dunno.”

Peridot gave the pink Gem a deadpan look. “Whatever the case, we have a sworn duty to find out. To the archives!”

[absollnk]

Absol's Journey's End progression, act 1: prehardmode

(this post contains sarcasm not marked with /s because a., I'm not targeting any real people and b., It's for emphasis. I will also be explaining things that may not need to be explained to seasoned players in order to make this a little more accessible. Tw for sparse cursing)

wow

I'd like to call myself good at Terraria. I've played across several platforms since patch 1.1 and know way too much about this spectacular sandbox's intricate details. I can blaze through most bosses effortlessly if I'm prepared. I've done playthroughs of every class in expert mode (except summoner, couldn't find a slime staff even after farming :/).

It's so strange to be bitch slapped all the way back to square one just because I've never touched a keyboard before.

I don't remember what my initial key layout was, but currently, the important ones are-

WASD for movement

C for inventory

R for mounts

F for quick heal

B for quick buff

Space for jump

LeftAlt for smart cursor toggle

M for map

Left click for action and right click for interaction, and

Mouse 3 (scroll wheel *press* for grappling hook.

You should've seen my hour-one gameplay. It was sad. I couldn't change directions while jumping. I was regretting choosing expert mode difficulty. If I wasn't using journey mode's research system as a crutch, I'd probably still be pre-skeletron. I didn't even have enough skill to use the step stool accessory, which literally just requires holding up.

But, in the long run, I got better way faster than I could've anticipated. First, however, on irl day 2, I killed the Eye of Cthulhu on my fifth try after being torn apart by its last-resort Wacko Mode 4 times. At that point I was decked out in full gold gear with the fast and piercing jester arrows, so I really felt that the keyboard was holding me back considering that I usually do the eye armorless (admittedly I only had 100 life, but I usually do that too.)

The next day, slime rained. I thought that the king would be free gear, so I warped back to the surface to bring him out. He wasn't. He spawned on top of me, dealing 50+ damage immediately, wiping out half my total HP. I instinctively tried to use the shield dash to get the hell out of there, but I hit the inside of his body, which made me bounce back, which made me get hit again, resulting in death. The fight lasted less than 10 seconds, and I could only see the fucker for two of them.

With my spicy new tendon bow from the eye, I thought in my tilted rage that it would be a good idea to go and beat up the Brain of Cthulhu. I was itching for beefier armor and it was the gateway between me and crimson/molten gear. I set up an arena above the crimson made of two long rows of platforms covered in health regen-boosting campfires. With a stack of its spawn item (thanks journey mode), I brought in the first one to size up what I was dealing with.

I died pretty well. In fact, this is where I died the best out of the whole run so far.

The first attempt went surprisingly well. My lovely and incredibly sexy jester arrows made dealing with the creeper hoardes *relatively* easy. Phase two did not apply to that. I had brought along a burning mace because it had the dual functionality of circling the player or being shot out and coming back again like a baseball on an elastic string. This would theoretically allow me to attack the brain if it was far away and defend myself if it was too close to me. I did not know that the mace had very little knockback while it was spinning. This plan did not work.

ELEVEN atempts of trial and error later, I won. By that point, the creepers alone had dropped enough materials to make the crimson armor without ever actually killing the boss, which is pathetic. But I won, and I didn't cheat. I'm still in the easy baby phase of the game. At this point I'm starting to realize why most players statistically chop down a tree and ditch the game forever.

It's irl day 3. Next up on my blood feud against the children's video game was skeletron, the next step in progression that makes the final boss of prehardmode a little bit easier and the thing preventing me from seeing my hair. I set up and even longer 3-layer arena and prepared to not have fun, as skeletron is known in my head for being a dumb bitch who cheats with fast, homing projectiles and an un-telegraphed chain attack that will instantly kill you if you can't grapple out.

He took two tries. I don't get it. I was probably getting better at the controls by then, but *that much* better? Like, the successful attempt wasn't even that close. Whatever. I was annoyed that the stupid brain gave me so much trouble, and I seemingly couldn't be happy after a boss fight even if it went well. But, since we take those, I proceeded into the dungeon to find a bunch of disposable weapons and, more importantly, the cobalt shield. I didn't have to take knockback anymore. If I rematched the king slime then he was fucking dead.

The clothier moved in and I bought the familiar wig to reveal my luscious locks.

Queen bee is next. The fights were standard, but I learned that she apparently enrages on the surface? I always fight her there, except for this time when I stayed underground for funsies. She was so much easier underground. Good to know, I guess. I could've probably done her before even the Brain.

Because I'd never been able to before and because I happened to find the tavernkeep after the bee fight, I tried out the old one's army which logically and appropriately kicked my ass. It was a reality check for sure (things were going smoothly since after the brain minus movement) but it was also a neat experience.

I mowed through the gobins, finally maxed my hp, and then it became Wall Time. My loadout was now molten armor with the Molten Fury bow and the Sunfury flail (which for some reason has like ninety base dmg??? This is a PREhardmode weapon? It has NO business doing 90+ but hey I'll take it). I was also rocking the blizzard in a balloon, band of regen, fledgeling wings, lightning boots, and shield of Cthulhu. I felt like I was finally strong enough in-game and competent enough with the controls to advance to hardmode. I was finally good enough at the video game to change directions while jumping.

I built a roughly 1,900-block long bridge in hell out of the blast-proof dungeon bricks. My plan was to run far ahead of the wall and just kill it with dynamite. I grinded for a voodoo doll and yeeted it into the lava, murdering Andrew the guide with questionable morals and bringing forth the wall of flesh. Little did absol know that they forgot to pack the main part of their plan, dynamite. I realized this, contemplated in-game self murder to end the hopeless fight early, but then I had an epiphany. What if I didn't cheese the boss and fought it legitimately?

With my epic gamer status and pride on the line and expecting nothing more than failure, I whipped out my good ole 100-gotdamn-damage Sunfury and tore through the Wall's hungry appendages.

This is all cool and good on paper. I'm doing consistent damage and I'm not dying. That's how you kill bosses. Things are going well, life is good.

I check the map and learn that I've already used up two thirds of my hellbridge and that the wall was only just below half health. Oh no. Things are actually not going well and life is bad.

I switch to the bow, hoping that the speed and accuracy result in better DPS. Better it was, and I would be all set if it weren't for the Wall's gimmick. I was indeed doing more damage, but as it loses health, it gets faster. I'm at a point where I have to be running at full speed almost constantly to stay a safe distance away. The Wall's health still isn't in the dark red zone and I'm almost out of road. I'm starting to take steady damage from the exponentially faster eye lasers and leeches. I run out of bridge and have to hop from lava lake to building to lava lake in order to not burn alive in the infernal orange juice. New areas are being revealed on the map because I'm fighting in an area I've literally not been in yet. I'm too busy focusing on not being deep-fried that my aim suffers tremendously. I fumble while switching back to the flail for quality over quantity, costing me precious seconds. The wall now moves faster than my top speed. I mis-time a jump and right before the wall disintegrates me between itself and a building, it dies.

I audibly moan in real life.

I go and check the treasure bag after a few seconds of mental recalibration. I got a laser rifle and a ranger emblem, along with the standard demon heart which I immediately wolf down to slap on the emblem. I guess I'm a ranger now.

Recap:

King Slime: still alive

Eye of Cthulhu: five attempts

Brain of Cthulhu: twelve attempts

Skeletron: two attempts

Queen Bee: two attempts

Wall of Flesh: one attempt

The spirits of light and dark have been released and my gamer status is intact. Absol's next victim-victim relationship is with the Queen Slime, but that'll have to wait until the hardmode post :)

Thank you if you've read this far!! Lemme know what you think about this kind of thing, it was fun

[keanubot]

I Love You Like The Sun Came Out (Keanu Reeves/Reader) Chapter 1

so i’ve had this idea mulling around for about a year now and after A LOT of encouragement from @johnsbleu i decided to finally just make it happen. i know keanu/reader isn’t everyone’s thing and that’s ok! i just wanted to try my hand at it. i have a lot of ideas for this so hopefully you guys like it 💖

title is a lyric from ‘waking up slow’ by gabrielle aplin (and i made the gif from her lyric video for that song). if you wanna know the vibe for this fic, definitely go listen to it.

word count: around 4k

warnings: none for this chapter but YES...this fic will be very smutty

“You got the job!”

Anybody else would be more than happy to hear those words, overjoyed in fact. But hearing them does almost nothing for you, your lips pressed together in a tight line as you nod at nobody in particular with your cell phone against your ear. You inhale deeply through your nose, processing the words of the woman on the other end before saying quite calmly:

“Awesome, when do I start?”

Maybe you’re overexaggerating just a little bit; a job is good, it’s always good. A steady income, stability, a routine, all that jazz. It’s not that you hate working, it’s not like you didn’t apply for this job in the hopes that you’d get it, but still…it’s disappointing.

Because being a housekeeper for a celebrity is certainly not how you thought your life in Hollywood was gonna go.

“He’d like you to start tomorrow. He won’t be back for about a month or so but he wanted you to get acquainted with the house, figure out where everything is, water the plants, that sort of thing.”

You nod again, absentmindedly tapping your knee with your index finger, “Is there a schedule I should follow?”

“He sent me a basic list of things he needs done, but he’d like you to make your own hours. However, while he’s gone he will need you to come in to feed the fish.”

You raise an eyebrow, “The fish?”

“Yes, he has a koi pond with about a dozen of them; the gardener has been feeding them lately but it’s not in his job description to stop by every day. That’s the housekeeper’s job.” The woman laughs, “Your job, I should say.”

You laugh along with her, wondering if she can tell you’re faking it. Yep, that’s me: the housekeeper. That’s all I’ll ever be good for out here, apparently.

“I’ll meet you at the house tomorrow morning at eight o’clock to give you the keys and answer any other questions you might have,” the woman continues. You know her name, you even met her in a formal interview, but you can’t for the life of you remember it, “You still have reliable transportation, right?”

If you’d even call your beat-up car ‘reliable’. “Yep.”

“Then we’re all set, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“See you then.” You bring the phone away from your ear and swipe your thumb across the screen to end the conversation, biting your lip and staring at your lock screen until it turns black. You catch a glimpse of your reflection in the small sheet of glass and cringe at the expression on your face; come on, is it really necessary to look that annoyed?

About six months ago, you’d come to Hollywood on a complete whim, barely enough money in your bank account to keep you afloat and nothing but the promise of an audition at a talent agency to keep you going. You’d sent in a tape all the way from New York, and about two weeks later you’d been flown out to California for an in-person audition. In a whirlwind, you’d become a client at the agency and quickly landed your first professional acting job ever, playing the younger sister of a grieving widow in a pretty low budget indie drama. You’d only been in two scenes, had about five lines, but still…it had been exhilarating. And you’d finally felt like this whole acting thing was really gonna happen for you.

It just went downhill from there.

From that gig came barely any offers whatsoever, aside from a pretty raunchy comedy that required a nude scene that you really didn’t feel comfortable doing. Instead, you did a couple commercials; dog food, fabric softener, and the most recent – tampons. Other than that, your schedule has been dry as hell, and your bank account has slowly been dwindling down. You barely have enough money left to cover rent for the next month and the only options that remain are to get a non-acting job while you wait for auditions or throw in the towel and head back to New York.

The former seems like the best way to go; you’re not the type to just give up. You’ve already promised yourself that you won’t go back until an entire year has passed.

Only halfway there, you think to yourself, anything could happen from now and then.

Like becoming a housekeeper for Keanu Reeves, apparently.

At first the idea had been absolutely absurd; a woman who works at the agency had told you that a few clients had managed to get these kinds of jobs, gaining access to celebrity houses and basically cleaning up after them. To some people it might be appealing, but it had made your stomach turn. You’re supposed to be gaining success, getting your name out there, not watering plants and feeding fish – and the thought of being under the watchful eye of an actor you admire makes things ten times worse. You want to be taken seriously.

But the alternatives – working as a barista, busting your ass as a waitress, nannying – are just not a good balance for what you’re trying to accomplish. You need time, time to study and rehearse and audition, time that those jobs simply won’t allow for. At least with the housekeeping you won’t be working eight hours a day, and according to the woman at the agency, there’s amazing pay in it. So how can you pass that up?

So you didn’t. You’d put your name in and before you knew it you’d been called in for an interview for Keanu Reeves. He hadn’t been there, his assistant had shown up instead, explaining that he was away shooting a movie and wouldn’t be back for another month. After a thorough background check and what you felt was a positive interview, you’d left feeling hopeful, albeit disappointed in yourself for allowing your career to get to this point.

So here you are. You got the job. And you want to feel thrilled…but it’s difficult.

Maybe, I’ll feel better when I see the house, you think to yourself, rising from your spot at the kitchen table to go make yourself a cup of tea to calm your nerves. You’re suddenly feeling a bit anxious about the whole thing, reality setting in.

“Did you get the job?” one of your roommates asks, coming into the kitchen in workout attire and putting an empty water bottle in the sink, “Sorry, I wasn’t eavesdropping, I promise. I just heard the end of it when I got back from my run.”

You give her a small smile, “Yep, got it.”

“Great!” she replies, then turns around and leaves, blonde ponytail swishing behind her.

Becca – one of your three roommates. She’s not your friend, none of them are; it’s not really possible to have friends in Hollywood when you’re all essentially competing for the same thing. You’re all signed to the same agency and usually audition for all the same roles, which has created a lot of tension more than once. Your two other roommates haven’t even spoken to each other in about a month after one of them won a role over the other.

Despite what seems like a lot of drama, you manage to stay out of it. You’re there because you need a place to stay, and you get along fine individually with all the girls so you don’t really have anything to complain about. But even with three roommates, rent is ridiculous, and this job is your saving grace.

“Wait, who’s it for again?” you hear behind you, and you turn to see Becca has returned, leaning against the door frame and still catching her breath from the exercise. “Sorry, I forget who you said.”

“Keanu Reeves,” you say, stirring some milk into your tea, “I start tomorrow.”

“Shit, yeah,” her voice is breathless, “He’s like…a big deal.”

You notice your heart begins to beat a bit faster, “I know, but he’s supposed to be really nice.” You look up from your cup and catch a glimpse of Becca’s shocked expression before she shakes it off and nods her head.

“Oh, of course,” she agrees, wiping sweat from her forehead, “Everyone says that. Should be an easy job.”

You shrug, “Hope so.”

“Okay, well,” she slowly backs up, clearly wanting to go change, “I’ll see you later.”

You throw her a thumbs up and she disappears once again; you wonder if she realizes how nervous she’s just made you. “A big deal.” Yeah, that’s the understatement of the year. He’s fucking Keanu Reeves. His reputation in Hollywood is one of the most well known, and while you’re not worried about him hating you or being rude or something, you’re definitely worried about being in the presence of such a famous actor. And the fact that it’s not for an audition or a role, but because you’re going to be cleaning his house? Yeah, pretty humiliating.

At least you’ll get a month to yourself before you have an audience. To be honest, you’re looking forward to seeing what the house where you’ll be spending a good amount of time actually looks like.

 ------

Keanu’s assistant meets you at eight sharp in front of the house. As you pull up, you feel a lump grow in your throat at the sheer size of it, the black pillars in front seeming quite ominous. His assistant is already there, standing in front of the house with a clipboard; she looks like a real estate agent and you laugh to yourself at the idea of ever having enough money to buy a house like this.

You come to a squeaky stop in the driveway, cringing at the dramatic difference between your shitty car and her not-so-shitty one. You know absolutely nothing about cars but you know expensive when you see it. She waves at you and you wave back, getting out of your car and walking over to her.

“Good morning,” she says, reaching out to shake your hand like she had in your interview, “Ready to start your first day?”

You nod, hoping you look enthusiastic, “Yep, looking forward to it,” you gesture toward the house, “It’s gorgeous.”

She makes an odd facial expression, shrugging, “Not really my taste. I hate the black.”

You’re not really sure how to respond – because you do like the black – but it doesn’t matter because she’s already turning around, putting a key in the lock and opening the front door. She heads inside and you follow close behind, your eyes widening when you’re greeted with essentially a giant hallway, so grand that you feel as if you’ve stepped into a museum.

“Wow,” is all you can say, taken aback by the unique layout, “Is it all one floor?”

“Yes, three bedrooms and five bathrooms.”

Only three bedrooms? You suppose everything being on the one floor means there’s not as much space, but the way the long hallway sweeps down the entire length of the house – disconnecting on either side into other rooms – makes you wonder how that could be. You can see a swimming pool through the glass door at the far end of the hallway, and the hint of a kitchen counter.

“So, this is the foyer.” Keanu’s assistant begins the tour immediately, waving her hand toward a small sitting area to the left. There’s art hanging everywhere, giant abstract paintings that you could probably sit and look at for hours, trying to figure out what’s hidden within them. There are splashes of bright color everywhere, not only in the art but in the pillows, throws, and rugs. You’re also very aware of the amount of plants peppered around the room, tall and fragile looking.

“Are all the plants real?” you ask, eyeing a particularly bright green fern to the right of you that looks too good to be true.

“Oh, yes, every single one,” she clicks her tongue, “That’ll probably be your main priority; he’s always forgetting to water them. And when he does he just ends up hurting himself. I think it got to be a bit too much for the last housekeeper.”

Well, that’s comforting.

“You’re young, you’ll be fine,” she continues, clearly noticing the worry on your face, “She was hitting her 60s, the watering was strenuous on her back. The gardener took over in her absence, but he already has an entire exterior to keep up. It’s not his job.”

Just like feeding the fish. You wonder what other tasks you’ll be taking off the gardener’s hands.

You walk around a wall to the right and find yourselves in a large living room, art and sculptures and plants scattered around the span of it. There’s a big television and a fireplace, as well as a large sectional couch that looks extremely comfortable, placed in a sunken square of floor that you have to walk down a few steps to get to. For such a large space, the house seems so cozy, and you feel the anxiousness melt away a little bit. Maybe you’ll like it here.

“That table is usually covered in books,” his assistant says, nodding toward the coffee table, “But just keep them there, no matter how messy it might look. He likes having what he’s reading close by.”

“Oh, me too,” you say with a laugh, “I always get so annoyed when my roommates put them back on the shelf.”

Keanu’s assistant snorts, shaking her head, “He’s gonna like you.”

You can’t help but feel a sense of pride at the compliment.

“I don’t really have time to show you everything,” she says, checking her phone quickly and then slipping it back in her purse, “I have a meeting I need to get to. But I’ll just show you where he keeps the cleaning supplies.”

God, assistants are probably the most impatient people you’ve ever encountered. You follow after her as she rushes out of the room and down the wide hallway. You gaze in awe at the long columns, trying to keep up with her but also wanting to get a good look at as much as you can. There are doors on either side, and another hallway to the right that must lead to another area of the house.

“Here’s the kitchen,” his assistant points to the glass door at the back, “There’s the pool.”

The pool is very long, taking up most of the back deck and looking out on what seems to be an incredible view. Your eyes move to the huge kitchen, widening at the beautiful marble countertops and shiny cookware. The fridge is huge, and you wonder if you’ll be allowed to eat his food or if you’ll have to bring your own.

On the opposite side of the kitchen is the dining room – a large table surrounded by multicolored chairs – as well as another sitting area and a bar. You love how bright everything is, the windows shining the morning sun onto every reflecting surface. Whoever designed this house knew what they were doing.

You pass through the kitchen and Keanu’s assistant pulls open a door, leading you into a storage room full of cleaning supplies.

“This is pretty much everything you’ll need, I don’t think you’ll be running out of anything anytime soon,” she looks at you with a reassuring half smile, “I know it looks like a lot but he’s not a very messy person, trust me. I wouldn’t worry too much. Everything probably only needs to be done once a week, except for the plants.”

You nod, “And are there plants in every room?”

“Oh, yes, they’re everywhere,” she gestures for you to follow her out of the room, leading you out of the kitchen and toward a pair of large double doors off the hallway, “Come on, I’ll show you the fish.”

You’re suddenly outside, in a small enclosed garden-like area with a large pond and another sitting area. You inch over to the water, peering down and feeling yourself genuinely smile for the first time all day.

“They’re beautiful.” you say quietly, looking down at the koi fish swimming gracefully back and forth underneath the surface. Their scales reflect against the sun and the water almost looks like it’s sparkling, rippling with their bodies. Without realizing you’re even doing it, you’re suddenly crouching on the edge of the water and dipping your fingers in to feel the fish brush against your skin, “What are their names?”

“Oh, uh, I don’t think they have names.”

You look up at his assistant, raising an eyebrow, “He didn’t name them?”

She shrugs, “Not as far as I know.”

Gazing back at the fish, you feel your face scrunch in confusion. Who the hell doesn’t name their fish? You can already think of at least ten names at the top of your head as you straighten back up and put your hands on your hips.

“So how often do they eat?”

“Four times a day,” she replies, gesturing toward a crate near the door, “All their food and treats are in there.”

Four times a day? You certainly hadn’t been expecting that. You know that when Keanu comes back it won’t be your responsibility anymore, but that’s not for another month. Does his assistant really expect you to drive here four times a day for a month? You want to ask, but a part of you is slightly worried that doing so might cost you the job, so you keep your mouth shut.

“Well, that’s all I really have time for,” Keanu’s assistant backs up from the pond and opens the doors again, waving you through, “I’ll give you the keys and you get can get acquainted with the rest of the house on your own.”

To be honest, you actually prefer it that way; it’ll be nice to look around without a watchful eye. You go back to the front door and she digs a ring of keys out of her purse, explaining each ones function and then pulling out a piece of paper with the same instructions.

“Oh, and here’s the list of duties,” she hands you the clipboard she’s been carrying this whole time, “He wrote that himself so hopefully there isn’t any confusion. But if you have any questions just give me a call,” she points to the bottom of the first page, “All the security info is right there, pretty straightforward.”

You have to admit, she could do a much better job at inducting you into this job, but she’s clearly in a rush and you’re sure you can figure everything out on your own. With a final, “Good luck!” as she heads outside, the door shuts behind her and you’re left standing in the very large house all by yourself.

“Okay,” you say to nobody, taking a deep breath, “Where do I even start?”

 -----

The house is gorgeous. You stay a few moments in every single room, taking in everything and letting reality slowly dawn on you. This certainly is going to be a lovely environment to work in; everything is so bright, so colorful, so unique. You can see personal touches in everything, and you know there are stories behind almost every object in the house.

Your favorite rooms by far are the kitchen, the library, the music room, the outside pond area – although you’re not sure if that would really be considered a room but you love those koi fish – and surprisingly, Keanu’s office. Despite being terribly unorganized and painfully messy, you love all the movie memorabilia he has from past roles, and the shelf of awards had drawn your attention for probably a little too long. You’d stared at them for much longer than necessary, resisting the urge to reach out and touch them.

Obviously those aren’t the only rooms in the house, as you find yourself in guest bedrooms, some beautiful bathrooms, an above ground wine cellar, a gym, and more. The only room that makes you slightly nervous is his bedroom; it feels strange to go in there when he’s not home, like you’re invading his privacy even though you’re literally being paid to be there. You stand outside the door for a few minutes, deliberating, before finally turning the knob and going inside.

Surprisingly, it’s not really anything special. You can tell he doesn’t spend much time in there other than to sleep. The bed looks incredibly comfortable though, covered in black and white bedding and some cozy looking pillows. You see the entrances to an en suite bathroom and what’s most likely a walk-in closet, but you already feel as if you’ve overstayed your welcome, so you leave after only about a minute of looking.

After a quick walk-around in the garage – where you find more expensive cars you don’t know the names of as well as a few motorcycles – you head back to the living room and walk down the few steps to settle on the couch, pulling out the list of duties Keanu’s assistant had given you. She’d said he’d written it himself, and you can tell. It’s the kind of handwriting only an actor would have, smooth and wide and sort of indecipherable; you have to squint to understand what it says:

Plants

Fish

Floors

Dust

Windows

Bathrooms

Well, he certainly gets right to the point. You spot a few codes at the bottom for security and alarms and then you turn the page over. To your surprise, you see a few short paragraphs of words:

Hi there,

Not exactly sure who you are yet because no one’s been hired as I’m writing this but I thought I should just say a quick thank you and welcome you to my home. Sorry I’m unable to do this in person but by the time you read this I’ll be out of the country for work.

My main priorities are the fish and plants – don’t worry too much about everything else. The floors only need to be cleaned once a month except for the kitchen and bathrooms. I wouldn’t worry too much about the windows either. It’d be great if you could dust maybe once a week.

The plants all have different needs and you can find everything about them on a list I’ll have my assistant give you. Sorry for how many there are. I think my last housekeeper wanted to murder me for having so many.

The fish are easy. Feed them in five minute intervals three or four times a day and you’re golden. Don’t worry about putting your fingers too close to the water, they’re harmless.

I think that’s about it. No room is off limits and you’re welcome to whatever food I have, although there probably won’t be much there until I’m back. I know this is a job but I want you to feel as comfortable as possible. Thanks for taking it on.

Cheers,

Keanu Reeves

The note is certainly the final nail in the coffin of reality. You stare at his name for a little too long, Becca’s voice suddenly echoing in your mind – He’s like…a big deal. It’s finally settling in that you’re really here, holding a handwritten note from a successful actor, and not only that, but it’s addressed to you. Well, he doesn’t exactly know who are yet, but still. It’s a lot to take in. This job, this house, this letter, you really hadn’t been expecting any of it when you moved here six months ago.

And suddenly, you can’t wait to start.

[sheikah]

My thoughts on Friki’s 8.01 leak

Ok so first and foremost I just want to say that this information is received second and even thirdhand. I do not speak Spanish and did not watch Friki’s video. As it was playing @adecila was kind enough to translate for @muttpeeta who was kind enough to chat with me. My bff @dracarysqueen was also feeding me some info (thanks my love!) and I read a somewhat broken English and at times unclear translation here. It gives you a gist of the video and I’m grateful to u/hang_the_dj2 for making it.  Edit: Here is @adecila‘s leak translation so that you guys can draw your own conclusions without my salt about these revelations haha. Her translation is the undisputed best and I didn’t see it prior to writing this post, though my response is still the same!

One of the first things I read about the leak was the bit about Gendry/Arya. Essentially Gendry makes a weapon to Arya’s specifications. He calls her “m’lady” purposely to fluster her. There is “sexual tension” between Arya and Gendry. HELLO??? I can’t fucking wait. This is going to take over as like the whole world’s GoT OTP lol calling it now <3 

Arya apparently also reunites with the Hound. My takeaway from that bit of the translation is that Sandor mentions something about how Arya didn’t go through with killing him, and I guess he’s grateful for that now? That part was a bit unclear to me in the translation I read. 

Arya also reunites with Jon (!!!!!) where they share a tender hug, compare weapons with one another, and generally have a sweet and positive interaction. Arya is wary of telling Jon that she’s a Faceless Man, and Jon asks Arya to try and talk Sansa into coming around re: Dany. It is obvious that Sansa dislikes or distrusts Dany and Jon is troubled by this and asks for Arya’s help. I’ve heard from one person that Jon also asks Arya to talk to Dany herself. I’m really pleased by the prospect of this because I knew that Arya would support Jon no matter what, and that that support would extend to Dany since they’re obviously in love. 

Speaking of, Friki did make note of the fact that Jonerys is obvious to everyone else: Davos, Tyrion, Varys, etc. Sansa can see it too and asks Jon point blank if he bent the knee out of love or if he did it to save the North. Apparently Jon is extremely taken aback that she would ask this question. We aren’t told more about this moment but I’m guessing Jon is offended that she would ever think he would do something as serious as swearing fealty to Dany simply because of his romantic feelings, and not with the best interests of his home and family at heart. I’ll be interested to see how that conversation ends.

Also, I realize we all already knew this (and have been knowing this literally forever) but these revelations all completely disprove political!Jon. Yeah, it was already disproven by the scripts and basically everything else about canon but this is just another nail in the coffin. Jon having apparently private conversations with both Sansa and Arya about his love for Dany pretty much solidifies that he isn’t secretly playing her in the interest of Stark supremacy or independence. 

That independence, though, is something that is still important to the Northern lords. Lyanna Mormont is outspoken in her disapproval of Dany as queen. She notes that they chose Jon as king, not Dany. Again, we knew this was coming, but I’m stricken again by how silly this is. It’s literally the end of the world. Can this discussion not wait?

Anyway, the Northern lords are not a fan of Dany and it is obvious. Apparently Dany attempts to ingratiate herself to Sansa. Something along the lines of her telling Sansa the North is beautiful. I guess this isn’t successful given the bit about Jon talking to Arya about how much Sansa dislikes Dany.

The Northern lords also tell Jon and Dany soon after their arrival at Winterfell that the Night King has turned Viserion into a wight and is riding him. Dany is distraught by this information and encourages Jon to ride Rhaegal already, in episode 1, BEFORE he finds out about being a Targaryen. They do this to try and get an edge over the Night King. 

Jon does ride Rhaegal while Dany rides Drogon, it’s a great time, and they have a pretty passionate makeout session afterward lol. Friki specifically said this was a good episode for Jonerys scenes. I obviously love this bit of info and think it’s hot and exactly what I want for them both. Who wouldn’t get turned on by riding a dragon with Dany???? (also, lol at how accurate @muttpeeta‘s fic is!!!!) My only wish is that the dragon riding happened after the reveal. I just think it would be a more significant acceptance of his identity for Jon to reach this milestone after discovering he’s a Targaryen. At the same time, I like this because it shows how much Dany loves and trusts him already. Before learning he’s a Targ, before learning he has a claim to the IT, she is already willing to share everything with Jon--even her “children.”

Also at Winterfell, Dany and Jorah break the news to Sam about the death of Randyll and Dickon. This is the part I really don’t like, so I apologize in advance for the rant here. So Dany shares this information and Sam is unbothered by the death of his father. Good. We expected that. He is, however, perturbed by the death of Dickon. While he thanks Dany for sharing the information with him, he is upset and apparently leaves to seek out Bran for more insight. Bran stresses that it isn’t important and that Jon needs to know the truth of his parentage. So Sam leaves Bran and finds Jon in the crypts. 

The first thing Sam shares with Jon, though, has nothing to do with Jon or his parentage. Sam finds Jon to tell him that Dany killed Randyll and Dickon. Jon, understandably, isn’t really phased. There are more important things to worry about, and Jon points out that not only do they need Dany, Dany is the queen. This is the moment when Sam drops the bomb. He tells Jon the truth of his parentage. Jon is shocked and denies it. Sam pushes further and tells him that Dany doesn’t have to be the queen because Jon is the king. 

This is the part that really, really bothers me. A lot. I knew there would be friction about Jon’s parentage. I knew there would be friction about Jon’s claim to the Iron Throne. What I didn’t expect was for the Tarly deaths to be brought up again (literally they brought these unimportant characters back in s7 just to kill them, just to cast doubt on Dany’s decision-making by her male advisers) in the same breath as Jon’s parentage reveal. These things are not of equal importance. The world is literally ending and we’re supposed to be worried about Dany’s judgment again? And to say she “killed” Randyll and Dickon is silly anyway. Let’s not forget: Dany didn’t break into Horn Hill with a dagger and kill Sam’s unsuspecting family in their sleep. Sam’s family betrayed Olenna Tyrell, sacked the Reach, wiped out the entirety of House Tyrell leaving no survivors at Highgarden, and allowed their liege Lady to be murdered in cold blood by Jaime Lannister. Dany retaliated on behalf of her slain allies and even offered mercy to the Tarlys if ony they’d swear allegiance to her instead. They refused, and died for their crimes. Why is this still being discussed? I genuinely don’t understand. 

By comparison, the Umbers and Karstarks betrayed their liege and were killed, but that act was seen as so egregious that Sansa suggested (and was supported in this suggestion by many Northerners) that even the descendants of the traitors be rooted out of their homes in retaliation for treachery. So why is Dany’s righteous vengeance on traitors still an issue? Why?

The episode apparently ends with Sam telling Jon that he is the heir. Again, I understand that. Westeros is built on male-preference primogeniture. Jon’s claim could trump Dany’s (for multiple reasons) and Sam and others would see that and likely push Jon to see it. The natural extension of that argument would be to suggest that Jon and Dany marry and unite their claims. Instead, Sam is possibly (again, we just had one brief video and multiple translations and interpretations of this video. I’m not sure exactly what Sam said) encouraging Jon to press his claim as king because 1. he has a potentially better claim and 2. because Sam might not believe Dany is an ideal queen due to the Tarly execution after the loot train battle. 

I just hate this. I find it massively OOC for Sam to use the huge moment of Jon’s parentage reveal to air his grievances about something Dany did. I find it massively OOC for Sam to be so concerned about Dickon in the first place, especially now. We have not been shown a positive Sam/Dickon relationship in canon, and Dickon was aware of Randyll’s abuse of Sam--he witnessed it firsthand--and did nothing to protect Sam or stand up to his father. On the contrary, Dickon loved and looked up to the brutal Randyll enough to willingly die at his side. This was not a man who was overly concerned about Sam, or vice versa. But now, suddenly, Sam loves his little brother enough to complain to Jon about Dickon’s death in a way that disparages Dany? Additionally, Sam is one of the few people at Winterfell who knows exactly how big of a threat the Night King and the White Walkers are, and we’re supposed to believe his main concern right now is what happened to Dickon? We’re also supposed to believe that Sam, Jon’s best friend, would think he could talk Jon into being king of the 7K, despite Jon’s multiple explicit statements about how much he abhors ruling?

So we’re going to have a delightful week between episodes 1 and 2 during which the antis compose dissertation-length dark!Dany meta like crazy. We have to suffer under what I consider to be a very poorly manufactured conflict that was written just for petty drama. I literally spent the day today at a conference on Women’s Leadership and one of the key topics discussed was how women with true power are seen as threatening and have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously. Glad to see Game of Thrones doing literally nothing to challenge that idea where Dany is concerned. 

Moving on. 

We also apparently learn that Theon saves Yara early on, early enough to be back at Winterfell in time for the Battle of Winterfell. I’m thrilled as a shameless Yara fangirl :)

In King’s Landing Cersei receives word of the Night King and wight!Viserion. She also sees that the Golden Company arrives but not with the force she expected. Apparently they were supposed to have elephants, and they don’t? She’s angry about this, but still sleeps with Euron as payment for delivering her army. I also read somewhere that back at Winterfell, Tyrion is aware that Cersei has commissioned the GC and that she plans to use them against the North instead of as aid against the Night King. This is interesting considering Friki’s other leak involving some treachery by Tyrion later in the season.

Overall, the episode sounds compelling at least and I’m excited about Gendrya, a Jon/Arya reunion, Jonerys getting horny from riding dragons together lol, and Yara living. But Sansa still being a constant voice of opposition for Jon, and the petty Jon/Dany/Sam conflict is really unsettling to me and I’ve very tired of hearing about Randyll and Dickon Tarly. 

[aftermathdb]

DEATH BATTLE Review: Ghost Rider vs. Lobo

Two badass bikers have one hell of a fight!

Ghost Rider′s Preview.

If one were to take a look at Johnny Blaze, you wouldn’t really expect much out of the son of a famous stuntman who had died in a stunt gone wrong. But, you’d be surprised. Johnny’s new dad, Crash Simpson, got cancer.

So Johnny turned to the one man who could fix the problem: The Devil.

It worked… Until Crash crashed.

From that day forward, Johnny became merged with Zarathos. A being of power that scared Mephisto. And together, they became: Ghost Rider.

Ghost Rider possesses your typical powerset for a bounty hunter for the devil. From your typical Superhuman strength and speed, with a side of insane durability and an extra large healing factor.

And to top it all off, Ghost Rider’s signature weapon of choice is fire. But not just any kind of fire. Hellfire (Insert Hunchback of Notre Dame reference here).

Hellfire burns, but not in the conventional way you might think. Hellfire burns away at the soul, bypassing any defenses that would normally protect against typical burn damage. It’s like Salazzle’s Corrosion ability, only with fire.

But, if you’re going to be on the hunt for bad guys to make them pay for their sins, you’re going to need a toolset to match. From your typical hellish chains to soul manipulaton, Ghost Rider is one hell of a guy to fight…

Real talk: Lowkey disappointed that there weren’t more hell puns like this in the episode proper.

But if there’s anything that Ghost Rider is known for, it would be his Hell Cycle. Which we get a Wiz and Boomstick animation for the explanation.

Moving on, Ghost Rider’s other signature move is his Penance Stare. A Bloodcurdling gaze that burns the victims with the agony of their sins. Every life they’ve ruined, every person they’ve killed, all of it comes hitting you at once. Basically, it’s the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” phrase weaponized to the point that it burns. If you’re a truly sinful being, your soul goes bye bye. It’s like the Dark Hado, only with a less complicated button input.

And since the hosts neglected to mention it here (or even in the list of feats (Though, it is shown)), this stare once brought Galactus to his knees. Here’s the video link.

With all that power, Ghost Rider has taken on some insane opponents.

From the likes of Thor, to World War Hulk, to Doctor Strange, Ghost Rider has taken on a great slew of opponents, both good and bad.

However, Johnny doesn’t exactly have the best relationship with the Ghost Rider.

In fact, Johnny’s relationship with Ghost Rider is similar to Bruce Banner’s relation to the Hulk. Johnny suppresses Ghost Rider’s full potential, and the two often clash.

Also, since I forgot to bring it up earlier, The Penance Stare doesn’t work on the blind, those without a soul, those who draw power from pain, or masochists.

However, plot twist, Zarathos is actually an angel of vengeance, not a demon.

And similar to the Hulk, when Johnny opts to let the reigns loose, Zarathos. becomes so powerful, that he scares Doctor Strange.

For reference to Zarathos’ power, he’s equal to the divorce judge Mephisto, who in turn, once battle Galactus. The fight was so intense, that the entire universe was at risk as a byproduct of the battle.

Zarathos himself can eat souls. As for Johnny himself, the guy is still a mortal man, so he’s vulnerable to any kind of conventionally lethal attack. The Rider himself is vulnerable to holy weaponry, and is killable through it.

And even if he’s not too keen on being the Devil’s bounty hunter, Johnny’s doing alright. He even overthrew Mephisto… Does this mean that Peter and MJ’s divorce is null now?- I’m pretty sure that it’s null on the grounds of it being filed under duress, but still.

However, should you be walking out on your own, hearing a feint sound of a chopper drawing near, and see a glow on the horizon getting closer, you better hope that it’s not you that the Ghost Rider is after.

And you better pray to whatever deity that you believe in for mercy.

Because Ghost Rider won’t be giving it.

Lobo′s Preview.

It’s the 1990s, and the world of comics entered a darker age. After the success of such books like Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns, comic book companies started to churn out gritty anti-heroes by the dozen.

From the time-traveling mutant Cable, to the darker and grittier Azrael, and Overkill. It was an… interesting time, to say the least. They were certainly cool-looking, but at some point, it just got ridiculous, that the world needed someone to take these guys down a peg.

The world needed a hero- no. A parody.

Enter: Czarnia. A planet that was known to be the most peaceful place in the universe… “Was” being the keyword there. The planet was. ravaged by a biological lifeform that left only one survivor: The guy who killed them all: Lobo.

For the record, Lobo’s name roughly translates to “He who devours your entrails and enjoys it.”

(So, he’s basically the NRA).

Lobo’s birth caused so much destruction, that pretty much everyone around him died out. Hell, some theorists think that the universe made Lobo just to balance out the peacefulness of Czarnia.

Lobo strives to be unique, and what better way to be unique than to be the last of your kind?

Lobo has left destruction in his wake. Which is possibly why he became a bounty hunter, as it’s the only profession that legally lets you kill people… Not that it stops him from killing you illegally as well.

Lobo is so insanely durable, that his healing factor is stupidly powerful. And his strength is off the charts. He’s like the unholy child of Superman and Deadpool. Speaking of which…

Oh, Taka… You never fail to make us laugh.

Anyways, not only can Lobo regenerate from a single drop of blood, he can also basically clone himself from it.

If you haven’t guessed by now, Lobo is stupidly hard to kill. He’s taken on the likes of Superman and other high-level fighters to the point that he’s basically  invulnerable. And if that’s not enough for you, he’s also pretty smart capable enough of doing complex equations to be able to tag the Flash.

Lobo can even deduce the weak points of any opponent he faces.

Of course, you don’t get to be an infamous bounty hunter unless you have the tools for the job.

Lobo’s ride responds to his whistle, can fly fast enough to escape a black hole, comes equipped with numerous machine guns, and has numerous other add-ons to boot.

And he has numerous firearms to deal with anyone who gets in his way. Even better: He’s also a fan of chain weapons.

Lobo also likes to ignore some things too. Like how he can sing “Born To Be Wild” while in the vacuum of space.

If that’s not physics-breaking enough for you, Lobo also once did this:

He pulled down Solaris despite it being physically impossible. Not, physically like his physique is inadequate, more like… It breaks physics. Meybe he and the Flash can bond over that.

For reference, this is how much strength Lobo would be exerting to pull Solaris down, assuming that Solaris has a mass similar to our sun.

Lobo also once crushed an entire city to fit in the palm of his hand. And then he ate it. There’s not a laxative in the world that can make that easy to digest.

And thanks to his rambunctious attitude, and constant heavy metal playing, Lobo has been banned from the afterlife. As in, his soul is not to be collected by death. Once the universe ends, he doesn’t go with it.

Lobo has a bomb that wiped out the dinosaurs, allegedly murdered Santa Claus (Who could bypass Apoklips’ defenses to give Darkseid a lump of coal), and has even walked through literal willpower.

However, despite his many claims, Lobo isn’t perfect. He can still take damage, and while his spirit can fight on without his body, he’s not exactly invincible.

He also has a… fondness for dolphins… Apparently. But, he’s also a man of his word, and will follow things to the spirit too. So, he’s basically the exact opposite of the NRA.

And unlike guys like Doctor Fate, the Green Lanterns, and Darkseid, Lobo isn’t immune to retcons.

This new Lobo is a dark and tortured soul. Literally the thing that the real Lobo was meant to be a parody of.

Thankfully, some of the writers at DC had a sense of irony, and decided to shelve the new Lobo… Literally.

And with all that, Lobo is one fighter that you don’t want to mess with. Because when the Main Man gets a contract…

The Battle Itself.

Zack, Luis, and Jerky are heading this animation. Ghost Rider will be voiced by Steven Kelly and Lobo will be voiced by Jason Marnocha. ), sprite artists, Ride to Hell by Brandon Yates. Audio is led by Chris Kokkinos.

The fight starts off with Lobo collecting a bounty, only for the Spirit of Vengeance to show up and give Lobo what’s coming to him.

Lobo, being Lobo, doesn’t take too kindly to someone telling him what to do, so he just runs over the Hell Cycle to get away.

Ghost Rider, understandably mad as hell, gives chase, and even fries Lobo’s bounty while doing it. So now even the Main Man is mad too.

After a brief battle of chains, Lobo does a Scorpion impression and grabs Ghost Rider to give him one hell of a headbutt.

But Blaze doesn’t take this lying down, so the battle gets forced to a city… Hopefully abandoned.

And now it’s Ghost Rider’s turn to do a Scorpion impression as he uses his hellfire to give Lobo a nasty Burn.

This being Lobo, he powers through it to get to Ghost Rider to eat a building.

This being Ghost Rider, the Spirit of Vengeance bursts out, spilling blood everywhere. But, this is Lobo.

Or rather, Lobos (Note the plural). They dogpile on the burning skull head, forcing Ghost Rider to unleash Zarathos.

Lobo, pretty miffed at the moment, blasts Ghost Rider with a massive gun.

So, with the battlefield fragged, the finishing blow (Yes, this wasn’t the finishing blow) is coming up in 5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Hot damn…

Verdict + Explanation.

Okay, so… This being Lobo, it was a pretty intense fight. Lobo doesn’t die easily. And Lobo also takes many of the physical advantages, like strength. But Ghost Rider wasn’t a slouch in this area either.

Given the insane durability and amount of pain that each fighter could take and dish out, it was hard to say for sure as to who would win out. But, Lobo doesn’t have any specific weaknesses that are obscure, and he wasn’t equipped to have anything to really kill Ghost Rider.

Now, you might be thinking “Who cares about Holy Weapons when you can crush and eat a whole city?” While that’s a good question, and it’s also a good question to ask if Lobo could just overpower Johnny.

However, Remember: Zarathos = Mephisto, and Mephisto = Galactus. Given that the fight between Mephisto and Galactus put the whole universe at risk, it’s reasonable to say that Zarathos could do the same.

Now, given Lobo’s own speed, he couldn’t really run from the Ghost Rider either. Recall that the Hell Cycle could outrace Mjolnir, and Mjolnir could move over 100 Billion times the speed of light. So, even if Lobo could figure out Ghost Rider’s weaknesses, he can’t exactly get away to find a holy weapon to work with.

Essentially, Lobo could handle the Ghost Rider, but once Zarathos was unleashed, his means of victory started diminishing fast.

But now, for the big elephant in the room: How do you kill a person who’s banned from the afterlife?

Well, this is where you need a lawyer, because there’s a small little loophole that Ghost Rider can exploit:

Lobo’s soul can only not be collected, there’s nothing saying that his soul can just go poof. And Ghost Rider has three ways of just ending Lobo’s soul.

His hellfire bypasses normal defenses, his Penance Stare can deal damage to Lobo since he’s got trillions of dead people on his hands, and Zarathos could just straight-up eat his soul. Lobo has no defenses against attacks that target the soul.

Essentially, Lobo was toast.

The winner is Ghost Rider.

Overall impression.

This fight was cosmic. In essence, it takes some of the most intense fighters and pits them against each other. This fight has a lot of hype behind it, and it’s one

hell

of a fight.

However, the lack of “Hell” puns during Ghost Rider’s rundown is somewhat disappointing. But the fight is awesome. It also helps that the music is intense in the good way that it makes it really feel like a battle straight out of hell.

The fight’s awesome, the explanation makes sense, and the music is a banger.

8.666/10

Next Time…

A friend of mine on Deviantart is doing reviews of these Kaiju Movies and a few Power Rangers episodes too. I’m feeling that this fight might interest him.

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

Robo-Kaiju Rumble.

[javelon]

Crossroads Deal - Part 1

"Huh apparently about 70% of people experience imposter syndrome. Weird." Anti had randomly mentioned one afternoon while browsing on his phone.

Chase had been busy jotting down notes for the next days videos but paused to look up at the glitch from his notebook, "What's so weird about that?"

Anti made a grunt, "Why would so many people feel like the wrong person? That's stupid." The flinch would have given away Chase's thoughts on that comment had Anti looked up from his phone, "I think imposter syndrome is more about people feeling like they don't deserve their success and being worried others find out they're a fraud." "Well maybe they Are a fraud then and don't deserve anything. What reason is there to worry otherwise?" Anti had snarked, unaware of the way Chase had gripped his pen tight.

That conversation had happened weeks ago but it might as well have happened yesterday for how fresh it stayed in Chase's mind. Since he had started pretending to be Jack after Jack had fallen into a coma, imposter syndrome was something Chase battled with every day. Ok maybe imposter syndrome wasn't quite right but Chase didn't know the word or phrase for purposeful decoy that's been decoying for so long they're losing themselves. There might not even be a word for that for who else has had to pretend to be someone that they're almost a carbon copy of? And for such an extended period of time that he sometimes didn't even respond to his name anymore, not remembering that he was Chase not Jack. Not that he was anything close to Jack other than appearance. Jack was someone who was so bright and vibrant and brought so much joy to so many people. Chase was just a cheap imitation, a failure of a person that could pretend just well enough that others couldn't tell if they didn't look too close. That had been made especially evident one night when Chase had walked passed Henrik's office to see him slouched over his desk sound asleep. Chase shook the doctor awake and Henrik had exclaimed "Jack!" in such a joyous tone when looking up at him until the doctor had readjusted his glasses then visibly wilted, "Oh you're not Jack." Chase knew Henrik hadn't meant anything by that. It didn't change how much that had hurt. But Henrik was right, Chase wasn't Jack. He wasn't the one everyone wanted. Alcohol has a history of making otherwise smart people do dumb things. Chase never really thought of himself as a smart person, especially lately. And when his preferred whiskey is coursing through him? Well... But this idea he thought was pretty smart. Ok maybe walking out to the middle of nowhere after the sun went down while inebriated wasn't exactly smart. Nor was leaving the house without at least a light jacket on this cool night. But as Chase kneeled in the middle of the dirt road intersection, he found he didn't care. All that mattered was the box, the road, and the book he had found in Marvin's room with an interesting section about summoning creatures who grant wishes. He also probably should have brought a small trowel to make digging this hole easier. JJ loved taking care of plants so Chase was sure there was a trowel in the house somewhere. But regardless the hole was now dug and should be deep enough for the box. Chase gently placed the box in the hole and replaced the dirt over it. Then he waited. And waited. The young ego bounced nervously before taking out his phone and pulling up the picture he took of a page he had been interested in. He was sure he'd done everything right! "'To summon a crossroads demon you must place a picture of the person wishing to make the deal, graveyard dirt, and the bone of a black cat in a box and bury it in the dead center of a set of crossroads.' Yea I did all that so where is the demon?" Chase muttered. "Behind you, darling." Chase whirled in place, almost falling over before righting himself, gaping at the gorgeous woman before him. Her smile was slow and sensual, each step towards him graceful, her fingers long and delicate as she gently pressed on the underside of his jaw, closing his mouth. "You were going to catch flies, dear." She offered in explanation at Chase's confused look. "Bu...wha..y...you're the demon?" Chase stammered. "That I am, darling. Why else would a lady like me be out here?" Her full red lips curled into an amused smile. "But...Anti..." "The one you call Antisepticeye is simply a powerful tulpa, doll. Honestly he'd be a disgrace of a demon with how obvious his...unnaturalness is to the general public. A true demon knows how to blend in with humans and your..."brother" is no true demon." Chase must have looked unconvinced for she continued, "If a demon that looked like "Anti" stood next to me and we both offered you the same deal, who would you feel more comfortable dealing with?" "Oh...." He supposed that made sense. He just had thought of Anti as a demon for so long that his alcohol addled brain was having trouble processing this information. "But I believe you didn't summon me here to discuss what Antisepticeye is and is not. Tell me what's on your mind, darling." Her smile was sweet and surprisingly comforting, coaxing him to spill all his troubles. Normally he wouldn't but the whiskey in him whispered he should tell her what led up to this night. So he did. He told her everything, from his failed marriage to his failed career to his failure as a father and finally to his failure to keep up the act of pretending to be Jack. When he was finished, tears streaked down his cheeks. The woman reached up and wiped away one of his tears with her thumb, cooing softly at him, "You poor soul, life has been so cruel to you. Don't worry dear I can make it all better. Which do you want most? Your darling children back? Your beloved Stacy returned to you-" "I want to take Jack's place." Chase blurted out before flushing red at having interrupted her. She froze ever so slightly, lips pursed, "You...wish to take his place? I can give you almost anything you desire, are you sure that's what you want?" Chase ducked his head, "I...it's not that I don't want the other things you offer. But...having Stacy and the kids back won't change that I failed them. I-I don't deserve them anymore." He had to pause to choke back a fresh wave of tears, "I've failed so many people in my life. I can't even pretend to be Jack anymore. Nobody wants me around, they want him. They deserve to have him. And I failed to pretend enough to be him until he wakes up. Th-the least I can do to try and make up for that is give everyone Jack back. He's the one that deserves to live anyway and be awake and with everyone, nn-not me." For a moment all you could hear in the crossroads was the rustling of leaves in the breeze. "I...must admit this is an unusual request. Normally when making deals I give the person want they desire then return for my payment in ten years. This however..." the woman paused and tapped one of her perfectly manicured nails against her lips in thought, "Very well I shall grant your request but instead of ten years I shall return for my payment in one year. No point having that handsome body of yours wasting away in a hospital bed for that long after all." "But..." Chase stopped when the woman raised a brow at him, almost as if daring him to back out, "Okay...I'm um...what do you want as payment? The book said demons always want something in exchange but it didn't say what you usually want. I hope it's something I can get..." A light laugh filled the crossroads, "Oh darling, you already have what I need." Chase just looked at her blankly as her smile widened and she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Your soul, doll." The young ego visibly swallowed. It shouldn't have surprised him, it really shouldn't. Of course a demon would want a soul and not some material thing he could gather.  Taking a step back the woman gave him a gentler smile, "Ah it's alright, darling. It is a lot to ask, to trade away your soul so poor Jack can wake up. Not many could do such a selfless act." The woman began to walk away. "Wait!" Chase snatched her elbow, desperation filling him, "No I'll do it! I'll give you my soul in exchange for Jack. I...can I ask for one more thing?" The woman stood there patiently, arching a brow as she waited for his request. "Before...before I take Jack's place...can I see him awake?" Chase pleaded. "You wound me, dear. Do you not trust I will uphold my end of the deal?" The woman asked, seeming offended. "No no! I just...it's been so long since I've seen him awake and heard him talk. I just want to see that, one more time. Please."  The woman regarded him for a moment then smiled, "I accept this deal." Chase sighed in relief, "Thank you!" He looked around awkwardly, "Uh so...how do we do this? Do I need to sign something? Prick my finger?" Another laugh, "No worries, darling, we demons are more sophisticated than that." She placed her fingers on his chin, tilting his face up slightly before giving him a kiss.  Chase froze in shock only to visibly recoil when the woman pulled away and he saw her eyes were now solid blood red and her smile had turned cruel, "I shall see you in a year, Chase Brody." With a blink of an eye she was gone and Chase was left standing alone again. The young ego ran his hands through his hair, mentally cursing himself. Fuck what had he done? "Way to go Brody." Chase muttered to himself before shaking his head. No this was the right thing to do. This was for Jack and any grievances Chase had didn't matter. What he needed to do was get home. He just hoped the demon had truly kept her end of the deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When Chase returned home he could already tell something was different. Every light inside seemed to be on and the house just felt..happier. Maybe that was Chase projecting his own hope but he wanted to believe. It was a hope that grew as he quietly entered the house and heard excited voices from the direction of Henrik's office. The young father crept towards the room and softly gasped when he looked in. The woman had held up her end of the deal. There in the hospital bed was a fully awake Jack, surrounded by everyone looking so blessedly awake and healthy. Chase covered his mouth to quiet a relieved sob then a choked laugh when he heard someone say "Oh thank you God." If only they knew that it was a demon they should be thanking instead. Speaking of demon Chase was forcefully reminded of his end of the deal as a wave of dizziness washed over him, black spots appearing in his vision. No, no, no he needed more time! He hadn't gotten to talk to Jack yet! But the black spots and dizziness were growing and the last thing Chase wanted to do was collapse and disrupt everyone's happiness. His bed. He needed to make it to his bed. Hopefully if anyone poked their heads in they would just think he was sleeping. The dizziness made it hard to walk straight, the wall being the only thing really keeping Chase upright as he stumbled down the hall. So close, he was so close! It took more effort than it should have to twist his door knob and open the door, his foot kicking out the only reason the door shut behind him as he fell to his knees. He just needed to make it to the bed, he could do this! With every last bit of willpower in him Chase reached for the bed, grasping the blankets only to pull them down with him as his arms gave out, darkness swallowing him as he hit the floor.

[shoushatohaisha]

report: haikyuu!! summer week day 5 part 2 (hajimari no kyojin)

(sorry for the delay! i moved home from japan to the states the day after… technically the day of posting the last report so obviously it's been. Busy. last one tho!! ♥)

previously: day 1 (shoen) day 2 (itadaki no keshiki) day 3 (karasuno, fukkatsu!!) day 4 (shousha to haisha) day 5 part 1 (shinka no natsu)

guests: kenta, keita, funaki masahide, yanagihara rin

Hoo Boy this was by the most outright emotional of all the screenings so far. like, shousha to haisha was intense, but the content was intimately familiar by now. the impact of this was fresh -- and we all knew it was the end, you know? the end of our happy little week, obviously, but also the beginning of the end for karasuno. over the week all those showings had built up this tidal wave of Feelings it then unleashed here, aha. so that the cheering was right on the edge of desperate, like there were real results on the line. self extremely included. this was our last chance, in all kinds of ways.

(i, aware that i would be leaving the country in two days, was perhaps a little more desperate! but it sure as hell wasn't just me. cheering along at the top of our lungs to the opening/closing karasuno jog i described here… it was. a lot.)

of course the reaction to certain parts were as you'd expect. there was dead silence for ennoshita's big scene(s). the cheers for his receives were like nothing else. when ennoshita tells yamaguchi "let's fight together" kenta reeled backward like he'd taken a physical hit. (my son, i love you.) and of course kenta and kt were emoting all over the place for that whole storyline – kt was wiping his eyes after daichi had to leave the court, and then they both teared up over "thank you for coming back" and "captain ni tsunagenakya!"

and of course when it came to rin and funaki they had their own moments – rin obviously got misty-eyed when all of wakutani started losing their shit, lol, and funaki surprised me by wiping his eyes after misaki's goodbye to johzenji. (my guess from daisenshuuraku was right, btw, momo was crying irl during that scene. awww.)

OK BUT BACK TO THE BEGINNING sorry.

once again kt was tricked into dashing out before everyone else. XD kt: um this is not how rehearsal went. kenta: what are you talking about? :( funaki: this is just like we practiced. rin: (nods furiously) kenta: isn't it? kt: ………yes. fine.

so they accidentally grabbed the afternoon's MC script, whoops. which i'm sure kenta noticed as soon as he glanced at it, but didn't turn a hair until it was time for their self-introductions. "playing kageyama tobio, i'm kageyama tatsuya—" kt: playing nishinoya yuu i'm fuchino yuuto ^_^ funaki: hahahaha PLAYING KUROO TETSUROU IM KONDOU SHOURI audience: (CHEERS) rin: (squints at script) playing konoha akinori im… (mutters) ….azuma… takumi…? kenta: ….you were IN A PLAY WITH HIM rin: is that wrong kenta: what have you been calling him all this time rin: …………azuma…..kun………. kenta: and what did he say to that rin: …"yes?" funaki: well he does seem like he'd just roll with that kenta: IT'S HIGASHI HIS NAME IS HIGASHI

kenta: i was the MC for the shoen screening, but earlier this week, rather than do it twice himself, ryoutarou turned it over to yamagiwa kaito-kun-- audience: (bursts into giggles) kenta: …yeah so i thought maybe tonight i'd give someone else a cha-- funaki: ME I WANT TO kenta: --ok here you go funaki: wait what kenta: you looked like you really wanted to so funaki: I SUPER DO :D funaki: so uh (flips pages) next uh -- kenta: r u srs

i was SOOO fond of funaki omg what a friendly bro ahhh. so cheery and good-natured. :D (can u tell i like em dumb and smiley, apparently.) whereas rin-kun was… endearingly ditzy. XD (is he an ex-johnny's? he kind of had that air. it was like looking at ueda tatsuya circa 2005. in no small part because of the wakunan towel tucked into his waistband, which draped to the floor.)

funaki: don't forget to call the player's names during the starting order, like "terushima!" or "terushii!" or "yuuji!"

funaki: so next we'll practice cheers! i, the MC – yeah yeah yeah (rapper pose) -- kenta: masakki! kt: masakki! (like. funaki + masahide = masakki? apparently? i was unfamiliar with this nickname.) funaki: ok now yanagihara-kun's gonna lead the cheer practice rin: nice to meet you i'm MC rin ^_^ rin: where were we again? kenta: rin: wait right. this is. a cheer screening. so we want you to cheer! kenta: they know that. rin: kenta: rin: wait ok i remembered!! audience: GANBARE rin: :D;;

it took SEVERAL MORE FALSE STARTS before we actually got to the cheer practice. poor rin-kun. XD but he wasn't like, shy or embarrassed like takumi-kun he just. was kind of a ditz. "NO WAIT :D lemme try again :D wait where are we? :D"

kt: ARE YOU FIRED UP audience: WHOO funaki: ARE YOU READY TO GO audience: WHOOOO kenta: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD audience: tamago kake gohan!!

the screening: abovementioned emotions aside, plenty of dancing and choreo as you would espect, especially from funaki. rin apparently was young terushima in the flashbacks! so he and funaki did all the double terushima scenes together. and rin did all of his white coat dance choreo as well.

during the opening, kenta joined rin so he wouldn’t have to do the wakunan choreo alone. XD and funaki and rin played kiyoko-san and yachi ahahaha. then when hinata and ushiwaka begin to turn on the revolving stage, kenta started scuttling around stage trying to "revolve" himself with limited success.

yamaguchi: (snubs shimada's high five) kenta: don't mind!!

despite kenta's gleeful delight in audience comebacks, there were understandably few of them from either him or us because it was everyone's first time watching the show since daisenshuuraku! the demon elementary school children did get this massive cheer that made kenta almost fall out of his chair laughing. ditto akaashi's "michi wo tsukurimasu no de" – that was one of the most full-throated mass "KYAA"s i've ever heard (again… self… included…) and kenta thought it was HILARIOUS.

i myself was reminded all over again what a great show this was, ugh. blah blah I Love Kawahara Kazuma digression aside, please take it as read, IN ADDITION i know i briefly talked about the, like, emotional sensitivity kouhei brought to playing tanaka but fjkdlajfd the close ups on his face made it so much worse, ffffffff. GOD. dude's emotions were A Lot. just. please. gimme the dvd already.

i was also so caught up in nekoma vs fukurodani the first time i watched that i didn't notice how well kuroo and kenma's final scenes onstage functioned as a goodbye for takato and shouri. when you've been in four consecutive shows, you deserve to go out on a meaningful note. (yes ofc we don't know what the future holds etc etc but.) shouri's delivery of "you're our brain, and our spine, and our heartbeat." fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff murder me.

ahem ok. the aftertalk:

funaki said that he was used to watching videos of himself on stage to review and practice with, but it was the first time watching from a normal spectator's perspective. "oh, THAT'S how that came across." and that the effect made him cry.

rin had a really nice thing to say about how watching really impressed on him how haikyuu stage in particular is a work that is dependent on everyone's contributions combined – i.e. it's not just the lead characters, it's the combined effect of the characters in the spotlight and the characters in the background and the white coat ensemble and the technical staff that make haikyuu stage the unique production it is. (this was hard for rin to express in japanese, tbh, so idk how well i'm getting it across in english but his point was that when he says "it's a show we all create together" he's not referring to ideas or feelings but quite literally saying that everyone's contributions on stage are necessary to make haikyuu stage what it is.)

and kenta talked about how (attending every single screening as he did, lol) it was great preparation for saikyou no team to have had the chance to look back on each different production -- especially to look back on the schools and characters that appeared in just one show and carry their feelings forward to the next play.

…then they discussed how quickly rin's hair had grown back since daisenshuuraku. XD rin: tbh… i was emotionally moved when i first looked in the mirror and saw myself with hair.

then as soon as keita prompted them for backstage stories kenta was like GOKU. DEFINITELY GOKU. apparently at daisenshuuraku he started crying before wakunan even huddled up for their pre-show cheer. "I CAN'T HANDLE IT, IT'S TOO MUCH." kenta: i was watching this like R U KIDDING ME WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET rin: ahaha during the show as well, idk if this is good or bad, but he was always crying, like – there's a bit where hanayama calls "takeru!" as he makes a toss rin: and goku was always like "(sobs) TAKERU!!" kenta: ONE TIME HE CRIED SO MUCH HE SHORTED OUT HIS MIC audience: EHHHHH? kenta: how did that many tears even GET there funaki: probably the sweat plus the crying rin: incredible. kenta: that's haikyuu stage. so much sweat and tears we destroy our mics.

rin also told us about the wakunan red bull rule. they did a lot of team practice on their own, and people were chronically "just barely" late – i.e., never more than a few minutes, but it was enough to throw off practice. so they instituted a rule that whoever was "just barely" late had to buy the rest of the team red bulls. to this day, as they're preparing for their august 25 event… whoever's late has to buy everyone else red bulls. rin: we also took a lot of purikura together kenta: yeah they had such a reputation that whenever they were late karasuno would be like YOU WERE TAKING PURIKURA AGAIN WEREN'T YOU

then for johzenji funaki told the story of "The Take Two Incident", in which during johzenji's ad libs he fucked up his lines two shows in a row – and the second time was so bad he thought "what would terushima do???", straight up yelled "TAKE TWO" and started over. after which kenta collared him backstage like "did you seriously fuckin do that???" funaki: i reflected deeply on my actions.

johzenji also had iizaka, who's a pretty reticent and quiet character. but he had to do something on stage when johzenji was… being johzenji. so karasuno came up with a quirk for him: every time johzenji successfully scored or blocked he would pump his fists and happily yell "MAAA." (5 foot nothing suga kenta reenacting this was delightful, fyi.) kenta: he played the nakashima household's father too. nakashima masayoshi. nakashima… MAA… sayoshi…

THEN, UGH, keita talked about how he gave the post-curtain call greeting for maeraku (i.e. the second-to-last show, the one before senshuuraku). and of course in the greeting he talked about leaving and coming back – and as he did, suga kenta appeared on stage behind him with exactly the same staging/lighting/sound that daichi does during the play, and said daichi's line, "tanaka keita, thank you for coming back." at which point (in the greeting) keita broke down in tears. he somehow managed to relate this story to us without more than a suspiciously husky voice, haha.

(PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD INCLUDE THIS ON THE DVD)

final messages:

rin started off by talking about what a warm atmosphere haikyuu stage has – not only is the production itself good, the people involved in the production are good. this is particularly notable because of the number of people involved. productions with this many people are usually difficult in all kinds of ways – and in his opinion this production is as welcoming and smoothly run as it is thanks to suga kenta. rin: i mean, we're the same age, so as a goal -- well he's not my goal but— kenta: excuse u?? rin: WAIT NO kenta: U COMPLIMENTED ME AND THEN rin: no that's not what i meant!! kenta: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME HUH (mock flounces off stage) rin: PLEASE LET ME DO IT ONE MORE TIME

(takeru's line, "mou ikkai yarasete kure yo" XD)

he then nicely cleaned it up into what he meant to say about how much he respects kenta and how grateful he was to be part of haikyuu stage.

funaki: WELP JOHZENJI LOST so. that's. my first and last appearance in haikyuu stage. but. tbh. watching this. i really. want to be in it again. i want. to go back. BUT I CAN'T. but all of us in johzenji will do our best in our different venues so maybe we'll meet again. thanks for loving our play so much.

keita: (deep breath) lone audience member: okaeri <3 keita: tadaima :) keita managed to get through his without tearing up… i think. (i love him!!!!) he talked about how of course during a normal show one gets energized and encouraged by the audience's applause, but the energy from these screenings were different and even more direct. "it was like we were all a team." ;___;

and kenta talked about how enjoyable it was to share the emotions of a match directly with everyone, and that looking back on all the productions so far, he was reminded of all the friends and companions that got them this far, including of course the audience. :)

and that's a wrap for the summer week screenings! as i said before, i'll write up a little report about the haikyuu day event – they did an aftertalk after the livestream ended just for the theater – but it should be relatively short compared to these monsters. thanks for tuning in, everyone! ♥♥♥

[adampage]

The Game, Pt. 2

Characters: [Y/N], Triple H, Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, and all the women’s locker room who’s names I can remember

Word Count: 3,873

Warnings: for this chapter, none I think? oh, there’s alcohol involved. that’s about it.

Author’s Note: kinda sad. kinda not. Kevin is in this one at the beginning, because he’s a ball of goodness. I know he is.

Before You Read: The Game, Part 1 requested by @deanammbrose

Tagging: @llowkeys / @mewsburger /  @hardcorewwetrash / @blondekel77 / @xxmaddhatter39xx / @crowleysqueenofhell / @unabashedwwesmut / @alexahood21 / @lip-sync / @we-work-hard / @the-geekgoddes / @sjwrites22 / @welshwitch5 / @wrasslin-x / @wrestlewriting / @roman-reigns-princess / @straight-outta-the-asylum / @idekwhatthisis / @wwetrashqueen / @reigns420 / @heelturn-timesten / @thephenomenonalkingofthebrogues / @leteverythingexist / @athoughtfulmindwrites / @0-inkmix-0 / @baronesscorbin / @alexahood21 / @smolsassynalilsmartassy / @wrestlingbabe / @wrestlingnoob / @dark-blueheart13 / @birthday-prinxess / @meghanannexx / @thehardyboyz

"Tell me you didn't say that."

"Ugh, I did!" Kevin looked at you like you were fucking insane. "Are you fucking insane?" You hid your face between your hands. "I know, I was an asshole, I know!" "No, you don't fucking know. How could you just brush him off like that?"

It was frustrating, that question. You didn't have the heart to tell him that you weren't entirely sure why you'd done it. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens had been your best friends for nigh on fifteen-ish years. All three of you had started wrestling about the same time, in different places, and had met in the same wrestling promotion. You remembered the night you and Kevin had first seen Sami wrestle. You remembered the moment when Kevin and Sami first wrestled. And you remembered the taste of the milkshakes the three of you had nights after, after meeting each other all for the first time outside of work. Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry. A regular Neapolitan blend. You didn't share, and the other two were positively disappointed with you. You had nearly fallen off your stool from laughter. You had clicked with them easily. Sami brought out the goodness in you, he always had. And Kevin had always been the one to help you in anything, any problem and situation that needed fixing. Call him a bastard in the ring, but outside of it he was a sweet man with a heart of gold that just wanted to make sure you were on the right track. And that's why you had come to him, now. That's why you were sitting in a vacant training room in the performance center, hastily whispering, begging for his help. But you should have known this topic wasn't going to be easy. Sami was the one topic in the world that you wouldn't get an unbiased viewpoint for. "I didn't brush him off, I just-" "Then what was it?" His tone was sharp as a dagger. It was beginning to grind away at your very soul. "Huh? Because it sounds an awful lot like you didn't even bother to think about it before you rejected him." "I was fucking scared, okay?" Your hands left your face, tensely dropping at your sides in emphasis. His eyes narrowed, squinting at you. "Of what? Of Sami Zayn? The heart and soul of any wrestling promotion he's ever been a part of? The kindest fucking human being that's ever walked the fucking earth? I don't understand what the hell you could possibly be afraid of, [Y/N]." He crossed his arms, disgusted. "There are fluffy bunnies with more evil in their hearts than Sami Zayn." If his plan was to snap your heart in two, Kevin had accomplished it. If his plan was to make you feel like absolute shit for what you'd done, he accomplished that, too. But it wasn't. He sighed. He could see it, the guilt on your face, the remorse in your eyes. The tears begged to fall. "No, don't. Don't cry." His tone was softer now as he reached for you, wrapping his arms around you to make you feel safe. "I'm sorry," you bawled. "But I didn't know what to say." Your breathing was erratic, sharp intakes of breath followed release in quick succession. "I figured...if...it wasn't...immediate...that I didn't...love him...like he loves me." Your words were sticky with snot. "Fuck, it's okay, sweetheart, it's fine." Kevin's hands reached to stroke your hair, tucking your head under his chin. Quietly, he began to hum, and you could feel every vibration at the top of your head, the French lullaby soothing you slowly. Alouette, gentille alouette Alouette, je te plumerai... You did your best to control your breathing allowing the humming to lull you into relaxation. His singing reminded you of home, even if it was thousands of miles away. je te plumerai la tête

et la tête

et la tête

alouette

alouette,

oh...

"You okay?" Kevin asked finally, dipping his head to look at your face. You nodded, looking for something to wipe your nose with. Finding nothing, you slumped your shoulders in disappointment, already feeling the embarrassment of your situation reddening your cheeks and causing fresh tears to pool at your eyes. Kevin stroked your cheek softly, wiping at your eyes. Then, showing mild annoyance, he rolled his eyes and pointed at his sleeve, indicating you wipe your nose on it. "Thank you," you whispered, tugging at his sleeve. "Yeah, don't mention it, seriously." He looked away as you soiled his sleeve, more expressions of disgust visible on his face. "When does he get back?" You asked. Kevin thought about it for a minute. "Next week, I think." He looked solemnly at you. "He called me this morning, you know. Asked me how you were doing." "What'd you say to him?" You probed curiously, looking up to meet his eyes. "Said you were fine." He leaned back, sat down on the table next to them. "To be honest, I didn't know. About any of this." Your eyes widened in silent shock. "He didn't tell you?" "No, he didn't. And neither did you, for that matter, best friend." You ignored the jab, though it stung. "He tells you everything." "Yeah, well, not this time. Even more reason to think that it's affecting him badly." You bit your bottom lip in frustration. "Kevin, what should I do?" He sat there, deep in thought. It was a pitiful situation, honestly. You didn't want to hurt Sami's feelings, but you also couldn't reciprocate something you didn't feel. "Depends on what you want. I can't help you fix it unless I know exactly what I'm fixing." "I just want everything to go back to the way it was." Kevin sighed. "That's not gonna happen, sweetheart." "Well..." you whimpered, "I just want him to know I still care for him. I can't give him what he wants, but I want us to be okay. I hope he can understand that." Your words caught in your throat with every sharp inhale and exhale of breath.

"Everything's gonna be fine, [Y/N]," Kevin said, "everything's gonna be all right." He reached out to squeeze your hand, if but for a brief moment, letting his assurance comfort you. "How do you know?" "Because he's Sami Zayn. He loves you and he won't hurt you." He gave you a crooked smile. "Just give him time. D'accord?" Your smile was faint, but genuine. "D'accord."

The next night was NXT. You had a match that you’d win, and then Hunter was set to "appear" backstage, with a congratulations to you on doing so well your first few weeks after your debut. You were going to thank him, put a hand on his shoulder in flirtation and twirl your hair. And Corey, bless his heart, was going to notice. He was going to point it out, talk about how this was all a game with you. You wanted in on the women's title, and you were going to use whatever means it took to get there. The insinuation was TV-14 at best, so it was good that NXT was only on the network.

Everything went as planned. After the segment, Murphy and Blake had a match with the Lucha Dragons, and then Sami showed up on the screen, a video to his fans about how he was doing and when he'd be coming back. You watched him, that sad little smile apparent on his face. You wondered if it was all just for show, if he was doing it because he was “thinking” about what Kevin “did” to him, or if it was because of what you did. Either way, it was enough to make you feel regret. How could you do this to him?

After watching the end of the show, you stood up and opened your locker, changing out of your ring gear. Charlotte, Becky, Sasha, Bayley. They all came barging into the locker room, afury with hushed, giggling whispers. As you pulled your t-shirt over your head, you gave them a questioning look. “What’s all the giggling about?”

“Oh, nothing,” Sasha sang nonchalantly as she opened her locker, “just that Hunter’s invited us all to go out for drinks!”

“Really?” You shot her and the girls a quizzical eyebrow raise. He was taking the four horsewomen out to the bar? Hm.

“Mhm,” Bayley added, “he wants to take us out for drinks because he thinks we’re all doing a great job.”

Charlotte winked at you coyly. “Yeah, that’s why he wants to take us out for drinks.”

You shook your head, trying your best to hide your face from her. “Well, have fun you guys. Don’t get too drunk in front of the boss.”

Becky laughed at you from her seat on the bench, legs spread apart, raising a towel to her neck. “One, I’m Irish, so I don't get drunk. Two,” she said, holding up two fingers, “you’re comin’ too. Emma as well.”

“And me?” Emma asked from behind you. She had been quietly sitting in the background. “Sounds good.”

You turned back to Becky, pointing at yourself. “He invited me?” Your heart skipped a couple beats at the thought.

Bayley smiled. “Yes, of course. You’re part of the women’s revolution too, ya know.”

You looked down, hiding a grin. “All right, then, guess we’re all going. I’ll meet you guys there?”

Sasha came up behind you, hands on your shoulders. “No the heck you won’t. We’re gonna shower and then dress up, do make up, everything. Bayley is amazing at it.”

Bayley blushed, the compliment too much for her. “Stop it, Sasha.”

“What? I’m just telling the truth.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, ew. Get a room.”

Alexa walked in, with the same news and the same excitement in her voice. “Guys, this is gonna be so much fun.”

“You know it, sister,” Becky said as she high fived her. “Now let’s get the show on the road.”

At around ten o’clock, you and the girls climbed out of a limo, giggling and laughing as Becky got to the punchline of a very punny joke. The line to the club was long, but it didn’t matter. The bouncer recognized you all immediately, letting you in.

“Hey, girls, good job tonight.”

“Thanks, Freddy! Always our number one fan.”

“Don’t you know it.”

“Thanks, Fred! We love you!”

“Any time, ladies.”

You and the girls made your way through the club, nearly losing track of each other in the mass of dancing, sweaty bodies. The lights flashed, the mob clearly visible in minute heartbeats of color. You followed the girls up the winding stairs to the second floor, VIP, pushing past already drunk couples tripping down the steps as they were negated entry. Another bouncer, another charming, familiar face.

“How y’all doin’, mijitas?” His stare kept on Becky for a good five seconds longer than everyone else.

“Exhausted but glad to be out! You?” Becky conversed with him, twirling a strand of hair and giving him a wink.

“Ready for this shift to end. Y’all be careful. Lotta vagabundos out tonight.”

“Amen to that, you too, Eduardo.”

“See ya, chicas.”

He lifted the rope for you all to pass. When Becky was out of earshot, she came and flanked you, placed her hand to your ear. “Ed could get it, no question.”

You grinned, looking back to where Eduardo stood, hands behind his back, dressed in an all black suit and tie. Hair gelled back, stubble lining his chiseled jaw. “Yeah, he could,” came your reply, to the dismay of Becky.

“Keep your hands to yourself, woman, that’s my man!”

You put your hand to your mouth, covering your sudden burst of laughter. “I’m kidding, Bex, he’s all yours.”

You stopped when you saw the rest of the girls had already made it to their table, Hunter kissing each of them on the cheek in greeting.

Damn, he looks good, you thought, earning yourself a good mental smack. He was dressed formally, a different suit from the one he wore to the show tonight, yet it felt like his sexiness was bursting through the roof. The top buttons of his dress shirt were unbuttoned, and you could see the tan skin and blondish hairs of his chest. His suit jacket was slung across the side of the booth, you noticed. Casual, friendly, yet sophisticated. God, this man was too much.

“[Y/N], nice to see you out and about.”

When he got to you, you froze for a second, heart beating slightly faster. What the fuck was this? How was he doing this to you? You shook the thoughts away, leaning forward to receive your kiss on the cheek in greeting. When you pulled back from the hug and kiss, he held your hand for what seemed like minutes longer than the rest of them, gaze holding your own, until he suddenly let go and called for a waiter to order drinks. Maybe you were just imagining the lapse of time. It can’t have been longer than a few seconds.

You sat down next to Emma, who cocked an eyebrow at you, but said nothing. All of you sat there, chattering amongst yourselves, Becky with Charlotte, Sasha and Bayley with Hunter, you and Emma and Alexa, content to just be away from work. When the drinks arrived, Sasha downed hers in seconds, waiting for Charlotte to do the same so that they could finally go down to the dance floor. Sasha stood up, grabbed Charlotte’s hand and winked at her flirtatiously, with remarks from Bayley and Becky begging them to “get a room!” to the giggles of the other girls who had been in the locker room earlier that night. Hunter, confused, watched them from behind his glass of Jack Daniels, a soft smile gracing his lips.

“All right, get up, you two,” Becky said, motioning Bayley and Emma to follow her lead. “Looks like Ed’s shift is over and I want to convince him to stay for a dance. I need my wing women.”

“Oh,” you said, shifting to move, “let me g-”

“No, you sit your sweet little arse down for two more drinks at least. I don’t want you near my man, and Bayley’s got ya covered, she needs to learn how to be a wing woman, anyhow.” You looked to Bayley, who smiled to hide how nervous she was. You gave her a thumbs up and a wink, wishing her luck as she trailed behind Emma and Bex. As they left, you could hear Emma asking, “and what makes you think I won’t steal your man from under you as well?”

Shaking your head, you turned to face Alexa, only to find that she was gone, flirting with a man in a corner of the VIP lounge. The only other person left, you realized with a jolt of your stomach, was Hunter.

“Heya, Hunter.”

“[Y/N]. You're not gonna leave me by myself, too, are you?”

“Absolutely not,” you smiled confidently, taking a sip of Alexa’s pink drink, though deep down you were positively brimming with anxiety. “How are you?”

He scoffed, taken aback by the question. One hand grazed his jaw, thinking it over. “It’s funny, no one really asks me that.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What? Why’s that?”

He looked intently into your eyes. “I’m your boss. Your superior. In most cases, people only ever ask ‘how are you’ in passing, but no one expects a real answer.” A smirk played on his lips. “But you sound genuine. Like you actually want to know.”

“Well, I do want to know.”

He chuckled in response. “I’m doing well, thanks for asking.”

You looked at him, studied the face hard from years of working under the guise of corporate professionalism. The feared Triple H. The Game. The King of Kings. As a younger woman, you remembered what he was like when his career was just inside a twenty by twenty. He was hot stuff, the next big thing after Stone Cold Steve Austin. But weirdly enough, you could never remember the last time you saw him looking happy.

As in, actually happy. Not just the professionally friendly face he showed all of you as your boss.

The wrinkles between his eyebrows gave away too much, even if his face remained stoic and his body was like that of a demigod. “You’re lying.”

You don't know what made you say that. Accusing your boss of lying. What a way to close every door door of opportunity that might have been available to you, had you just kept your mouth shut.

Instead of getting you fired immediately on the spot, Hunter just looked at you, a casual smirk visible for a moment. “You’re right,” he peered down at his drink, lifted it to his lips, “I am.”

So he was unhappy. Regardless of his NXT slowly becoming the most loved and most innovative brand on the WWE, he was unsatisfied. You wondered, sadly, what had happened to his soul. There was something there, something that you couldn't recall even though you dug through the deepest recesses of your adolescent memories to find it.

You shook the thoughts away. Whatever it was, it would come to you later. Beating yourself up about it now would do no good. You grabbed another one of the girls’ unfinished drinks and downed it in one gulp, set the glass down, admiring how awfully disgusting it was as you squinted and pursed your lips. The liquid burned through your veins quickly, and it wasn't long before you began to feel a euphoric buzz.

It was then you realized it wasn't just your head that was buzzing. You looked down at your phone, gut wrenching in panic and disbelief as you read the caller ID: SAMI ZAYN.

He was calling you. But it wasn't the right time. Not when you were already closing in on inebriated. You ignored it, every fiber of your being rationalizing the move as logical, placing your phone back in your jacket pocket.

“That was absolutely disgusting. Come dance with me.”

“Excuse me?” Hunter’s voice bordered on astonished, his eyes admiring you in respect at your strange request.

“Come on, get up,” you managed to stand, the mixture of drinks in your system getting the better of your judgement as you ordered your boss around. “Let’s go, big guy, you’re going to dance with me.”

His eyes gleamed playfully as he stood up, fingers reaching for your elbow just in case he needed to steady you on your feet. “Am I?”

“Damn right ya fuckin’ are, let’s go, chop chop.” Your hands clapped together, earning a burst of laughter from the man.

But true to his maturity, he ignored the drunken demands and went with you, helping you down the steps to the first floor.

“Hunter, nice to see you down - [Y/N], are you drunk already?” Charlotte gasped, lifting your chin as you shook your head no.

“I think she’s a lightweight,” Hunter grinned, pleasantly amused.

“I’m not a lightweight, but damn, is it getting hot in here.” You shook your jacket off your shoulders, handing it to Hunter.

Sasha appeared from the midst of the mob, grabbing you and pulling you towards the middle of the dance floor. “You, dancing, now,” she ordered.

Charlotte turned back to face Hunter. “You comin’, Hunter? We’ll dance with you, it’ll be fun.”

“No, you guys go on ahead. I need another drink, I’ll be at the bar.” His hands were fidgeting as he reached to unbutton another button from his shirt. Was it getting hot in here? He squared his shoulders, standing at the counter, one finger up to catch the attention of the bartender. He glanced back to the dance floor, his gaze steadying on you.

You were buzzing like nobody’s business, grinding all up on Sasha and Charlotte as they whooped and hollered, egging you on.

Hunter couldn't seem to hold back a smile, as he saw you pull some moves he hadn't seen in years. As you danced, his eyes gingerly darted away from your face and down to your body, staring at the sequined fabric rising higher up your thigh, the delicate way that your fingers grazed at your skin, the gleaming drops perspiring at the crevice between your breasts. God, you were doing things to him that you didn't know and couldn't understand.

He shuffled around, taking another sip of his drink, enjoying the burning sensation as the elixir ran down his throat. He growled, swallowing the feeling you elicited from him.

“I see you,” Alexa sang quietly, causing Hunter’s gaze to break from your skin. Had he been anyone else, he might have jumped at her voice. As it was, Triple H couldn't be and was never caught off guard, at least not entirely.

“And I see you, Miss Bliss. Where had you gone off to?”

“Me?” She asked, the color rising in her cheeks. How easy it was to misdirect someone who had yet to come into her own. But he had a feeling he’d make a performer of her yet. “Oh, nowhere.”

She pulled her black choker higher up her throat, but not before he caught the crimson mark of a hickey at the crook of her neck and shoulder. “Of course,” he said as he raised a brow and his glass, “nowhere. You girls really need to learn how to lie better.”

She blushed again, scurrying away to find you and the rest of the girls.

He watched as she joined you at the start of a new song, your hips swaying to the gentler beat of the music, as your hands grazed the edges of your curves, drawing them closer up your body, and he could’ve sworn he saw you squeeze your breasts together, before raising your hands above your head. As if you were taunting him. As if you were knowingly flirting with him from across the room.

He shook his head at the thought, looking away. Impossible. Improbable. Ludicrous.

No way in hell.

You were fucking wasted, and that was that. There was no way you were doing this with the intent to fluster him.

Or were you?

The phone in your jacket pocket began to buzz. Hunter looked at the caller ID. SAMI ZAYN. He wondered if he should answer, remembering what he had witnessed weeks before.

Yeah, he thought, I’ll answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I - wait, you’re not [Y/N].” Sami sounded taken aback, stunned.

“No, Sami, it’s me, Hunter. I took her out for drinks. She’s on the dance floor right now, having the time of her life.” He left out the bit where the two of you were not alone.

“Oh, um, I wasn’t aware that - uh, never mind. C-could, could you tell her I called?”

“Sure thing, Sami. I’ll see you in couple days, right?”

“D-definitely, of course. See ya, boss.”

Hunter hung up the phone, deleted the call from Recents, and placed your phone back in your jacket pocket, his face hiding his thoughts.

He wasn’t going to tell you Sami called, and that was the end of it.

Part Three

Last Note: wow so....I’m really getting into this. Tell me what you think??? Thanks, babes! - Emiliana

[booksbakingandblogging]

I did it, guys! My holy grail, my unicorn of baking, has been captured. I finally managed to make a near-perfect macaron (over 20 of them actually)! After five attempts (divided over about as many years) that ended in differing degrees of failure, I can finally say that I have baked a successful macaron – and could probably do so again, meaning it wasn’t a fluke. Who knew I had it in me? I certainly thought it was a lost cause.

Longtime followers of this blog might know that I have a love/hate relationship with macarons: I love them and try to make them and then I cry over the fact that I’m terrible at it and don’t try again for over a year. I’ve written three posts about macarons over the years (one, two, three) detailing my failures (or relative successes if you want to be glass half full about it). Here’s some proof of my previous botched attempts:

2014

2015

2015

2017

2017

Yep, they’re not looking great. I was pretty bummed about it each time (except for the first attempt – I was still young and optimistic back then), but I consoled myself with the fact that these little buggers are really finicky and hard to make. I was determined to one day bake a proper macaron, though, because in my head I wasn’t a successful baker until I’d managed to make these. I know, that’s a bit harsh; welcome to my brain.

So, let’s turn to last Saturday, the day when it all went right. I was actually a little nervous about it, but also ready to rock (although, honestly, I’m not sure what I would have done if this attempt didn’t work out – probably abandon hope forever). I had everything I needed and I had CupcakeJemma to guide me through the process. It was her extremely detailed and helpful video that made my macarons a success.

I think I must have watched this video about twenty times now. I don’t think it’s necessary to watch it that often, but I would recommend watching it at least twice if you want to give these a go. Jemma and Dane explain perfectly what to do, but unfortunately, they don’t provide a written recipe (apart from the ingredients). So, for my own convenience, but also for yours, I’m going to write down exactly what I did to make these macarons. I don’t have any pictures to help you along, though, and you really need to see what’s happening and how things should look when you make this. So, again, I urge you to watch the video first if you want to give this recipe a try.

The recipe

You’ll need… (for a whole bunch of macarons)

Macaron ingredients

205g icing sugar

190g ground almonds

144g egg whites (at room temperature!)

190g caster sugar

60ml water

optional: food colouring paste/gel

a filling (I used lemon curd from the supermarket, Jemma uses a nice white chocolate ganache – check the video for more inspiration)

Equipment

food processor

candy/food thermometer

stand mixer with whisk attachment (maybe you could use a handheld mixer too but I’ve never tried and I think it’d be even more stressful)

additional big metal bowl

sieve

rubber spatula

saucepan

piping bag with 1 cm round nozzle

baking sheet

parchment paper

optional: macaron template, I used this one (print out multiple copies so you have enough for your baking trays)

optional but very useful: freestanding thermometer (this is to make sure your oven is actually at the temperature it claims to be)

and an oven, of course! These macarons need to be baked at 165 °C (don’t forget to preheat your oven!)

So, let’s get baking!

Tip: before you start, carefully read through the entire recipe. You don’t want to do something only to find out you did it wrong in the next step.

1. First things first: preparations Before you start throwing ingredients together, it’s a good idea to prepare all of your equipment and measure out all of the ingredients you need.

First of all, take a paper towel and moisten it with a little bit of vinegar or lemon juice. Use this to wipe all of the equipment that’s going to come into contact with the egg whites. You’re degreasing these things so that you’ll be able to whip up the egg whites perfectly. This is an essential step so don’t skip it.

Prepare your baking sheet (or sheets, if you have multiple). Line them with parchment paper and the macaron template underneath that, if you’re using one.

Next, measure your ingredients. Separate the eggs, making sure you’re left with 144 g of egg whites. Transfer half of this, so 72 g of egg whites, to the bowl of your stand mixer and put the other 72 g aside – you’re going to use those soon. Also, measure out the rest of the ingredients and put them at the ready on your kitchen counter. This way, you won’t have to hurry later on when you need the ingredient in question. That’s tip #1: make things as easy as possible for yourself!

2. Process icing sugar and ground almonds Put the icing sugar and ground almonds into your food processor and grind them up. You do this to make sure the ground almonds are as fine as possible. In the video, they warn not to over-process it because then the almonds might release some of their oils and that’s not what you want.

3. Sieve mixture above bowl Take your big metal bowl and sieve the ground almonds and icing sugar mixture into it. There will probably be some bigger pieces of ground almonds left in your sieve. Don’t push them through – throw them away.

4. Add egg whites Once you’re done sieving, you add the 72 g of egg whites you put aside during step 1 (so not the ones you’ve put in the bowl of your mixer) to the bowl with the ground almonds and icing sugar. Use a rubber spatula to mix the egg whites through and create a paste. Don’t be too careful; you can be quite vigorous (don’t overmix it, though, or you’ll have the problem with the almonds releasing oils again). If you want to add food colouring to your mixture, this is the moment. Add the food colouring gel a little while before the paste is completely mixed, to avoid overworking. Add more food colouring than you think it needs: the colour of the paste needs to be quite intense, because you’re going to add a big batch of white meringue later that will dilute the colour a lot (if unclear, watch the video to see what I’m talking about!).

Tip: are you a first time macaron maker? I’d recommend not adding any food colouring the first time around. Try to master the basic recipe before adding any extras. Also, if you are using food colouring: always use gel or powder, never liquid colouring as this is likely to affect the consistency of the batter too much.

5. Put the paste aside Cover the bowl with cling film (so the paste doesn’t dry out) and then put it aside for later. Onto the next step: the meringue!

6. Make the sugar syrup We’re going to do a couple things at once for this step, so be ready for it! First, put the 190g of caster sugar and 60 ml of water into a saucepan and heat this mixture on the stove. Use your candy/food thermometer to keep track of the temperature. The mixture needs to be heated up to 118 °C. Remember those egg whites in the bowl of your stand mixer? Turn on your mixer (medium to high speed) to whisk the egg whites once the sugar syrup reaches about 90 °C. The egg whites will whip up to a frothy consistency. Once the syrup reaches 118 °C, take it off the heat immediately (don’t let it get above 118 °C – so pay close attention!). While the mixer is still mixing, carefully pour the sugar syrup down the side of the bowl and into the egg whites. Make sure you don’t pour it onto the whisk.

7. Whip meringue to room temperature When you’ve added the sugar syrup to the egg whites, leave it whipping on a medium to high speed until the mixture is at room temperature. It will whip up into a nice, glossy Italian meringue. This will take about 5 or 6 minutes. The meringue shouldn’t be too stiff; it should flop over nicely when you get some on your whisk attachment and hold it up (if unclear, watch the video to see what I mean).

8. Loosen up paste with meringue Get out your almond and icing sugar paste and add one generous dollop of the meringue to it. Mix this into the paste to loosen it up a little. There’s no need to be too careful at this point; you can be quite vigorous.

9. Fold through rest of meringue Now, this is where the truly tricky part comes in. It’s time to fold the meringue into the paste. Add all of the meringue to the bowl with the paste and start to carefully fold it in with your rubber spatula, scraping down the sides of the bowl and cutting through the middle. This way, you won’t knock all of the air out of the meringue. It’s quite difficult to properly describe this process, so please do take a look at the video to see how it’s done. You want to mix like this until, when you hold up the spatula, the mixture ribbons of it and doesn’t melt into the mixture in the bowl right away. Jemma and Dane explain it perfectly in the video. It’s easy to overmix at this point, and if you do that, there’s no way back, so pay close attention.

10. Transfer batter to piping bag Fit your piping bag with a 1 cm nozzle and fill it with the batter. Make sure the batter can’t run out: you can turn up the tip with the nozzle, or use a handy clip to keep the piping bag shut at the end while you’re putting the batter in there.

11. Pipe! Now, it’s finally time to pipe the macarons onto your baking sheet. The trick for piping macarons is to keep the piping bag completely vertical to the baking sheet. Keep the nozzle close the sheet and squeeze some batter onto it. If you’re using a template (which I recommend you do): squeeze until the hole is just filled. The batter will spread a little bit, but don’t worry about that. Jemma and Dane recommend keeping about an inch (2.5 cm, apparently) between two macarons.

12. Tap baking sheets on counter Once you’re done piping, you’ll need to tap the baking sheet on your counter a couple of times to knock out any air bubbles. You’ll ensure your macarons will come out nice and smooth. If there are still a few bubbles left, you can use a toothpick to pop them and then smooth out the batter again.

13. Leave them be You’ll need to leave your macarons alone for a while now. Depending on your climate, they’ll need to sit for half an hour (colder climates) up to an hour (warmer climates). You’ll know they’re ready to go into the oven when you can carefully touch a macaron and the batter doesn’t stick to your finger. They’ll have dried a little bit.

14. Bake! Ah, the next bit where it can all go wrong… The baking! Make sure your oven is preheated properly and check your freestanding oven thermometer for the exact temperature. Put in one baking sheet at a time and bake the macarons for about 12 minutes. You can test them by touching them and seeing whether the top comes away from the bottom. If this is the case, they’ll need a minute or two longer in the oven.

15. Let them cool and make your filling Once the macarons are done baking, take them out of the oven and let them cool. They’ll cool faster if you slide the parchment paper off of the baking sheet. Don’t try to take the macarons off of the parchment paper yet at this point; wait until they’ve cooled completely, otherwise part of it might stick to the paper and you’re left with half a macaron. While the macarons are cooling, prepare your filling. I just use storebought lemon curd and put that in a small piping bag.

16. Add filling Sort the macarons into pairs when they’ve cooled completely. Some will be bigger than others, but with a bit of luck, you’ll be able to match every macaron to a friend of equal size. Pipe a bit of your preferred filling onto one half of the macaron and then press the other half on top of it. Do this for all of them.

And that’s it! You’re finally done and you’ve got yourself some delicious macarons! Even if they’re not looking perfect, they probably still taste pretty damn good.

Oh wow, what a ride. It was stressful, but also so much fun! Thanks to CupcakeJemma for providing such a useful guide and thanks to my trusty oven for making it work. Now it’s time for me to have another macaron because they taste like heaven and I’m hungry after typing all of this up.

I never thought the day would come, but I managed to make near-perfect macarons! Here's how I did it... I did it, guys! My holy grail, my unicorn of baking, has been captured. I finally…

[pinelife3]

Ask about me. I wish you would.

Disclaimer: I don’t know shit about shit - but I’m trying.

Feel like my blogging this year (I know we’re not very far in) has been really sub-optimal. Typically I feel like my blogs are best when I get fired up about/really interested in something - they come easier and (hopefully) are funnier and more interesting. I have been interested in lots of stuff, but I feel a lot of what I’ve read has already been well positioned and there hasn’t really been much room for me to butt my nose in and comment. Anyway, I wanna try to steel man Martin Shkreli. Feeling pretty amped about this actually.

I remember late 2015 sitting in a fish and chip shop (Colin’s Catch <3 - I never got fish and chips there, always burgers) reading some shitty article on Jezebel about Shkreli and even though it was probably not a good example of reporting I found it convincing. In 2015 he (or actually, his company, Turing Pharmaceuticals) increased the price of Daraprim 5500% from $13.50 (US, I presume because they only own the US version of the drug) to $750 per pill. Once upon a time it retailed for just $1 a pill. The way people talk about him he might as well be the devil.

From The Daily Beast:

From Consequence of Sound:

From Dazed:

Hahah - from Wonkette (whatever that is):

The New Yorker:

The New Yorker article opens like this:

On Thursday morning, the most reviled person in America arrived on Capitol Hill for a short but memorable engagement with the most reviled institution in America. The institution was the U.S. Congress, which Americans say they hate—though not quite enough, apparently, to stop reëlecting its members. And the person was Martin Shkreli, a pharmaceutical executive who loves to play the villain, and who can’t decide whether to be amused or outraged when he is treated accordingly. Donald Trump can rightly be called polarizing, but Shkreli cannot: he seems to have precious few fans to balance out his innumerable detractors.

Okay, so I have cherry picked some of the more venomous headlines but I think it’s fair to say he’s unpopular. The mainstream media actively root against him. In December last year everyone was smugly pleased when some high school students made the active ingredient in Daraprim: like because some teenagers can bootleg one component of the drug in a high school chem lab that’s somehow valuable? They didn’t recreate the whole drug, just a key component. And in any case - the whole basis of the outrage was that this was a cheap drug that underwent an unjustified price hike. Has Shkreli ever tried to pretend there was some change of circumstances where they key component of the drug suddenly became expensive to produce? Their position has always been: we jacked up the price because we could. 

Quoth Shkreli:

To me the drug was woefully underpriced. It is not a question of ‘Is this fair?’ or ‘What did you pay for it?’ or ‘When was it invented?’ It should be more expensive in many ways.

And again:

If there was a company that was selling an Aston Martin at the price of a bicycle, and we buy that company and ask to charge Toyota prices, I don’t think that should be a crime.

It cost those high school goons $20 (assuming this is just in ingredients - not equipment, facilities, time, fancy lab coats, etc.) to create 3.7 grams of the active ingredient in Daraprim (which apparently works out to about $2 per pill… again, based purely on their ingredients). 

^^ Cute

Shkreli has always said that profits made from the price jacking allow/ed his then-company Turing Pharmaceuticals (he resigned as CEO in 2015 after being arrested for securities fraud - is there anything this guy can’t do?) to work on research and development for cool new drugs to save lives (or make more money depending on your outlook).

Shkreli has consistently defended the move to raise the price of the drug - in late 2015 there were some vague intimations that he would lower the price, but they later backtracked on this and it was later reported that Turing would instead follow some standard procedures to make it easier for patients to access the drug. According to the NY Times:

Daraprim, which has been on the market since 1953, is the preferred treatment for toxoplasmosis, a parasitic infection that can cause severe brain damage in babies, people with AIDS and others with compromised immune systems.

According to PolitiFact:

There are only about 2,000 U.S. patients who use the drug every year. 

And if you don’t have insurance you can get it for free here. 

Turing have held this position from way back in 2015: 

“A drug’s list price is not the primary factor in determining patient affordability and access,” Nancy Retzlaff, Turing’s chief commercial officer, said in a statement. “A reduction in Daraprim’s list price would not translate into a benefit to patients.”

The company pledged that no patient needing Daraprim would ever be denied access.

How is this dude still so hated? According to the NYT, the programs Turing is undertaking are standard for high priced drugs (because it’s not like Daraprim is unique in being expensive - 12 months’ worth of cancer treatments can cost upwards of $100,000 - Daraprim is a bargain at the low, low price of just $75,000 for 100 doses):

Such patient assistance programs are standard for companies selling extremely high-priced drugs. They enable the patients to get the drug while pushing most of the costs onto insurance companies and taxpayers. 

I feel like only villains say stuff like “it’s just business” - but, I mean, it really is? If you can make money, why shouldn’t you? One of the all time top posts on /r/depthhub is about how Bill Gates is a bad dude because he’s a ruthless businessman who tried hard to beat his competitors. That’s business, man. Why would you work with or help you competitors? All that’s gonna do is take money out of your pocket:

He viewed any successful non-Microsoft software as a threat, even if that software was for Windows. And if that software was cross-platform he viewed it as an existential threat, since it lessened people’s dependence on Microsoft.

They literally are threats? They’re competing products… how thick do you need to be not to see that? Even if something is made for Windows, if it wasn’t made by Microsoft then Microsoft sees none of the profits. Why would they be interested in that arrangement? And some of the complaints against Microsoft are violently stupid:

Apple had contracted out to a 3rd party company to do the Windows port of QuickTime, so what did MS do? They went to the same company and gave them a ton of money to develop Video For Windows, but an insanely short schedule, knowing full well that the company would essentially have to re-use a lot of the QuickTime For Windows source code to get the project done on time.

When Apple found out (their contract with the other company stated that Apple owned all the QuickTime For Windows source code), they went ballistic and sued Microsoft. Microsoft had been caught red-handed and knew that Apple had them by the balls. So MS settled. Remember when Microsoft “bailed out” Apple in the 90s by buying $150 million in Apple stock? Despite what the tech press reported, that’s not what actually happened. The $150 million in non-voting Apple stock that Microsoft bought was part of their settlement (Apple was no longer on the verge of bankruptcy by that point, and didn’t need to be bailed out). The settlement also had Microsoft agreeing to port MS Office and Internet Explorer to Macintosh.

Really sounds like the third party’s fault to me? The third party company shouldn’t have agreed to an unrealistic timeline and they certainly shouldn’t have resold Apple’s IP. It sounds like all Microsoft did was go to a third party company who had proven success in developing a video player for PC (which is sensible) and asked them to make something for them as well. Anyway: so Bill Gates is cutthroat? So Bill Gates wins? So his throne is built on the bone dust of his foes? It’s just business - why should you make concessions for businesses which can’t cut it or are trying to cut into your share? It’s not charity. And Gates knows charity - he’s donated over $28 billion dollars to improve healthcare and fight poverty, he aims to wipe out Malaria in the next generation.

It’s not even a case of ends justifying the means (like, a mafia boss who funnels the spoils of his crimes into an orphanage or something) - Gates behaved in a way which was industry standard for any big corporation and does so much good - if he let other companies survive and make money (essentially taking away from his own bottom line) is there any guarantee that those $28 billion would have made their way into charity?

Tangentally related to this - Shkreli’s capitalist declaration:

Yeah, I’m a capitalist, I’d love to make an even bigger fortune than I’ve got now. But I’m not gonna do it at the expense of a human life. We sell our drugs for a dollar to the government, but we sell our drugs for $750 a pill to Walmart, to Exxon Mobil, to all these big companies, they pay full price because fuck them, why shouldn’t they? If I take their money to do research for dying kids, I think I’m a hero, let alone evil.

Anyway (I got distracted). In an AMA Shkreli did in late 2015, the top comment is:

Hey! Doctor here and I work in India.

Now medically speaking I haven’t yet heard of why your drug’s worth $749 more than my pyrimethamine. Does it improve on the nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea? Does it have a folate sparing effect? Can it be used in pregnant women and in epileptics?

No one’s been able to tell me what your upgrade is or how it works or even if it is a cost saving upgrade.

Now here is my second problem. If your upgrade reduces the side effects of the drug, why is it much more expensive than prescribing say…. Ondansetron and a Folate infusion to counteract the more common effects. I mean even if I used multiple drugs to achieve this and say bundled pyrimethamine with ondansetron and loperamide and an antacid say pantoprazole and suggested folate level monitoring it would be cheaper.

So what makes Daraprim better than pyrimethamine and what changes and upgrades have you made to the drug to warrant the increase in price?

I find this really frustrating because at no point has Shkreli ever said that he introduced a cool new feature to justify the price increase - this dude (the Indian doctor) is just being smug and facetious but you can’t out-smug Shkreli so what’s even the point? He’s just pandering to a bunch of outraged idiots on Reddit. This dude (the Indian doctor) knows the answer to the question (Q: why? A: because he could) and is just being deliberately obtuse so he can pretend to be some kind of altruistic hero: “Oh you mean you increased the price of the drug just to make money? Unfathomable.” 

Even before Shkreli jacked the prices up, it was still much more expensive than similar products elsewhere. Before he increased the price to $750 a pill, it was sold for $13.50 a pill - in India they sell a generic version for $0.05 a pill (and I guess the Indian doctor above uses a $1 pill). So it was already (I am bad at maths but I think) 27000% more expensive than similar products available in India (does that sound right?).

When similar shit goes down the headline is “A drug company hiked the price of a lifesaving opioid overdose antidote by 500 percent” - when Martin Shkreli does anything they invoke his name in the headline (as though he as an individual were carrying out these actions from his home office) and leave Turing (or whichever other company he’s working with/for) buried in the main body somewhere. In the article linked above, the writer doesn’t actually mention the company’s name (Hospira) until the third paragraph and she doesn’t make any calls to lynch the CEO. She opens with this:

At a time when America needs these drugs most, drug companies are hiking the prices.

It’s called supply and demand, bitch. Jesus. (This person is actually seeking drama and pointless backlash, the sub-heading is: “Where’s the outrage?”) She’s an idiot:

Drug overdoses kill more people than car crashes and gun violence in America, and these overdose antidotes have never been more important. But they’re also quickly becoming more unreachable for the people whose deaths they could avert.

Yeah because junkies would totally be carrying around anti-overdose medicine in their purses were it not for the $142.49 price tag. Fuck I’m also angry because no one writing about this stuff seems to understand what a free market is. She says:

America has long taken a free market approach to pharmaceuticals. Drug companies haggle separately over drug prices with a variety of private insurers across the country. Meanwhile, Medicare, the government health program for those over 65, which is also the nation’s largest buyer of drugs, is actually barred from negotiating drug prices.

In no way does this describe a free market. Sure, it’s more lax than England’s system but it’s still heavily regulated and therefore != free market. This is from a post about Shkreli but still applies:

They’re saying that the price hike is such a good example of how the “free market” is pure evil and “just doesn’t work”… well as per usual, those people just don’t see the big picture and have deeply misunderstood the parts they do see.

First of all, the pharmaceutical industry is not a free market by any stretch of the imagination. A free market would be almost a perfectly contestable market. A perfectly contestable market (aka a “free market”) has three main traits… no barriers to entry, no sunk costs, and universal access to the same technology for new firms as well as existing firms. The pharmaceutical industry is actually a perfect example of the EXACT OPPOSITE of a contestable market.

And all of those barriers to entry, sunk costs, and disparities in the level of technology among firms exist because of the actions of government regulators.

The idiot writer of the Vox article on opiate overdose antidotes concludes:

Unlike EpiPen, though, the naloxone price increases haven’t garnered much attention or outrage, maybe because of the stigma that comes with opioid addiction.

In the face of an out-of-control opioid epidemic, the outrage better come soon.

I am so not buying her point about this not being a scandal because no one cares about opioid addiction. People care. Throughout most of the press on Daraprim/Shkreli people have highlighted the fact that it is used by AIDS sufferers to try to signpost how much of a dick Shkreli is. Is AIDS not at all stigmatised? It was until recently. A couple of decades ago it was headline news when Princess Diana shook the hand of an AIDS patient without gloves.

Really, the hysterical, shitty and reactive reporting on this has probably caused much more drama and stress for patients taking Daraprim than the price hike itself. 

Every other pharma boss in the world has made themselves inaccessible and opaque to the public - Shkreli is surely kind of unique in participating in unfiltered interactions with the public. People are more likely to recognise his name than name of his company/ies or the drug itself. That’s kind of an achievement, right? His email (which he shares openly) is martin@thotpatrol.com. He live streams all the time:

In the video above he’s talking about a website he made called Pharma Skeletons dot com (which is what got me interested in him in the first place) where he basically tears apart the lobbying group PhRMA after they tried to scapegoat Shkreli/distance themselves from him as though he were an aberration in the pharma industry. According to Business Insider:

On Monday, the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America, (PhRMA) kicked off a multi-year ad campaign to try and shift the criticism the industry’s been getting on drug pricing onto a more positive topic. In a press briefing, PhRMA president Steve Ubl described the campaign as “Less hoodie, more lab coats,” an apparent jab at Martin Shkreli, who wore a hoodie while he was arrested for securities fraud in December 2015 and on stage at a conference earlier that same month. 

Shkreli was obviously savvy to PhRMA’s dig and didn’t care for it so he put together Pharma Skeletons to outline how member companies of PhRMA have acted similarly to Turing/Shkreli:

Don’t you dare point your finger at me for the pharmaceutical industry’s troubles. It turns out we’ve all made some unpopular moves.  

I’m so into it. This website is really simple - hardly any CSS, no images or videos. Just a list detailing these pharma companies’ indiscretions with links to sources. The tone is really fun as well:

Mallinckrodt / Questcor

Really? Acthar’s 65,000% price increase represents your values but Turing doesn’t?

Gosh, I’m so upset my portfolio companies aren’t a part of your trade group.

I sued & whistleblew this company after they bought the only competitor to their only drug in order to stop my competition from their high price.

Tax avoider? Check. Ireland.

Marathon

Bro. These guys invented price increases. I literally learned it from them.

Ovation. I can sell & start a new company, too.

I feel pretty convinced that what he did was industry standard. But I really don’t want my argument to just be ‘Shkreli’s no worse than the other guys in big pharma so it’s not fair to criticise him’ because I want to believe that he’s better/special/different somehow. He seems weird and funny and interesting. Everyone wants to hit him in the face. He’s the smartest guy in most rooms he’s in. 

Dumb justifications I’m thinking of:

Maybe he’s a bad dude, but at least you’ve heard of him. For a layperson (hi) he must be the most famous person in pharmaceuticals. Not saying notoriety is cool or in any way mitigates shitty behaviour, but I feel like he’s at least copping to it and is cognizant of what he’s doing and how he’s perceived - probably the CEO of every pharma company is as villainous as Shkreli, but they act like they’re not which gives Shkreli some kind of high ground

He doesn’t seem interested in or at all concerned with PR/PC bullshit

Did Shkreli perhaps inadvertently draw mainstream attention to serious issues within the US pharmaceutical/FDA/insurance/whatever else system? Everyone knows about these problems now. I certainly wouldn’t have cared were the articles not accompanied by pictures of a dude with such a punchable face. Possible downside: Shkreli as an individual is reviled, companies still seem to get away with it

All the pharmaceutical big dogs hate him - not because he jacked up the price of an old, cheap drug (they all do that) but because he drew attention to them and made their shitty behaviour more visible

(Do you think Shkreli gets laid more or less since all this went down?)

The faux hysteria over his ‘harassment’ of a Teen Vogue writer (who wrote this anti-Trump article in December which became really popular because who doesn’t go to Teen Vogue for quality journalism?) really pissed me off. He was mocking her by pretending to be obsessed with her because hot girls are lame and assume everyone is in love with them when really everyone hates them. I thought it was pretty funny

^^ Shkreli decorated his Twitter with pics of the journalist and Photoshopped himself into a picture of her and her husband 

Sidebar about that Teen Vogue Trump article (”Trump is Gaslighting America”) in which she argues that umm Trump is gaslighting Americans… which I find annoying because she’s basically taking away half the country’s agency - like, they know not what they do:

Trump took advantage of the things that divide this country, pitting us against one another, while lying his way to the Oval Office. Yes, everything is painfully clear in hindsight, but let’s make sure Trump’s win was the Lasik eye surgery we all so desperately needed.

The article is basically a plea for the truth. She suggests:

Inform yourself what outlets are trustworthy and which aren’t.

Hmmm. Teen Vogue. I want to cyber bully her too. I mean. Hmmm. 

I feel like in my eagerness to be contrary I get myself into these positions where I’m trying to defend the indefensible. I think Shkreli’s more nuanced, interesting and well meaning than the press give him credit for. Professionally, he’s obviously made some reckless choices and remains self-righteous and smug (hard to tell if he’s always smirking or if that’s just his face). The things he’s done which seem greedy and unreasonable are normal in his industry so if he’s no worse than his peers he’s just a normal dude (I don’t really feel convinced by that). Still, I think he seems cool. He’s entertaining anyway.

[podcastcoach]

How Does Your Podcast Compete Against Giant Show?

Table of Contents

01:29 How Do You Compete Against Large Networks?

06:44 25 People Vs 1

09:42 Two Things That Kill Podcasts

11:52 Buying an Audience

15:32 Life Without the School of Podcasting

17:01 So How Do You Compete?

19:24 Jet Ski vs Cruise Ship

21:53 Downloads are only ONE way of measuring Success

24:28 Free Webinar 2/26

25:01 Golden Mic Announcement

34:23 Where I Will Be

34:45 Question of the Month

I hear this question a lot:

How am I supposed to compete?  It'll be something like I've been podcasting for three years. There are these other podcasters who I'm pretty sure are buying their audience. They're spouting their numbers, and they're gigantic. How am I supposed to compete with somebody like that?

I totally understand that question. Here are some things to consider:

You Can't Compete

Because its a good visual. How would a seventeen-year-old boxer compete against the champion who has held the title for six years? You don't put that kid in the ring. He's going to get killed. The experience, the stamina, he just isn't ready. He is completely out of his league.

But I've Been Podcasting For Three Years

But Dave, I've been podcasting for three years. You say that in some cases, you know people who are really starting to make a difference with their podcast at three years mark. To this I say"Uh-huh," but here are some things that we need to think about. We never know what's going on behind the scenes with a podcast. You might have a job (or two) and a spouse and some kids. The other podcast may not have any of those. Can you imagine how much free time you would have to promote if you didn't have any other activities and could focus on your podcast 100% of the time?

So if you look at podcasters from the outside, there's a person with a podcast here, and another podcaster over there and you think they are the same and they are not. We have no idea what is going on behind the scenes. They might have a background in selling and your background is in teaching.

Radiolab thanked 25 people at the end of their show. I am an army of one. Can I compete? In 2015ish I was up for a Podcast Movement Podcast Award and one of the shows in my category was Reply All.  I was competing against them. I've also had my Logical Weight Loss podcast compete against Jillian Michaels. Can we compete? Yes. The minute you turn on the microphone you are competing. Some of the things these teams of 25 use you don't need (original music?). While great production is like icing on a cupcake, if its all icing (and no cupcake) that doesn't work (see serial season two).

The Two Things That Kill a Podcast

BABIES

Babies are so selfish. It's all about them. All they scream is feed me, wipe my butt, I want a nap. That can really get on your nerves (kidding).

COMPARTING YOUR PODCAST TO OTHERS

When you say "how do I compete" at the hear you are comparing your show to others, and that can seriously do nasty things to your content. If you ever feel yourself comparing yourself - STOP.

STOP COMPARING YOUR SHOW TO OTHERS.

You need three things to create good content:

Your attitude

Your health

The support of those around you

(see this episode for a deep dive into this subject).

There is no competition

I am a co-host on the Podcasters Roundtable with Daniel J. Lewis and Ray Ortega. Technically both of these people are my "competition" but they are not. Why? Because you can listen to me on Monday,  Daniel on Tuesday, and Ray on Wednesday. As long as you deliver value, you're safe and don't have to worry.

You Can't Buy An Audience

You can buy an opportunity for people to hear your show, but you can't pay them to listen. Your podcast needs to provide value so they will come back because they want more.

Holly Barey is beautiful. In 2004 they put her in a Catwoman suit, spent a million dollars to my $82 million (a loss of 18 million). On Rotten Tomatoes the movie has a ranking of 9 out of 100 with 197 people voting.

In 2009 Disney worked on a movie called John Carter based on a popular book. According to Wikipedia is the most expensive movie ever created. It was a super popular book. It's kind of a sci-fi fantasy thing. It had a young, hot actor from Friday Night Lights, which was a very popular TV show here in the States.  Yeah, they lost $200 million on that movie

You cannot buy an audience.

And upon the release,  it received a mixed critical reception. In other words, it wasn't any good. There are great visuals. It had a great soundtrack. It had great action sequences. But the biggest criticism was toward the characterization and this thing called the plot that movies have, and you kind of need a good plot, you need a story.

It's the content. It's delivering value. And apparently, this movie did not deliver value because it lost them $200 million.

And I remember seeing all the ads for this movie, that all the promotion.

Before You Start Spending Money to Grow Your Podcast

I see a lot of people who say, "I'm not getting enough downloads and they turned to Facebook ads or advertising an overcast or Spotify or Castro (all podcast listening apps). They are trying to get the word out about their show. You can buy eyeballs/earholes but you can't buy an audience because an audience is someone who comes back for more.

Do What Your Big Networks Can't

Answer every email (in my travels big shows don't do this)

Get your audience on the phone. In the book Superfans (and in the Colin Morgan Interview on Podcast Juinkes) Pat Flynn and Colin Morgan talk about reaching out to random members of their audience via the phone (you can get a free Google Voice number, or Podcast Voicemail to mask your real phone number). How do you provide great content? You know who your audience is. How do you know what they want? You talk to them.

You are a Jetski, they are a cruise ship. You can change your content in record time. They can't. You are much more flexible. They are not. You need to identify your weaknesses and your strengths. You also need to identify your "competition's" strengths and weaknesses and don't try to cover the same area whey they will unquestionably squash you.

Go to where they are. In some cases, if a show is so big they can't go out in public. You can, and while you're there you can get feedback on how to make your show better.

Be sure to poll your audience. This can be as simple as "what do you like about the show, what do you wish I would do differently?" If you want to ask, "How did you learn about the podcast" so you can do more of that.

There is More Than One Way To Measure Success

Keep in mind there are more ways to measure success than downloads. These includes:

Is your show successful (are you achieving your "why?"

Comments on your website

Email responses

Social marketing interactions

Business metrics (new customers)

The Right Podcast Equipment Webinar

On February 26th there is a free online webinar at www.schoolofpodcasting.com/webinar where we will go over podcast equipment and the best option for you. If buying the right equipment has been a hurdle for you this will help you get over the hurdle. See www.schoolofpodcasting.com/webinar

Life Without the School of Podcasting

Today I helped someone who randomly contacted me on Facebook. They hadn't purchased enough storage space for their show. They were exporting their files in the wrong format. They didn't know how to export in the proper format. They were using the wrong format for artwork. Podcasting can be fun and fulfilling when you don't have to band your head against a wall to release a simple episode. At the School of Podcasting,   we show you in videos how to export your show in the proper format. We show you how to order the right plan for your podcast so your media host matches your strategy. We help you podcast frustrating free. Join today at www.schoolofpodcasting.com/start

The New Academy of Podcasting

Let's start off with the positive. Wondery, a company with 82 employees and revenues (according to growjo.com) of around 15 million per year organized a new "Academy of Podcasters" and will launch a Golden Mic awards in 2021. Per their website, "The Academy is professionally run by an Executive Director and an Account Manager.  These roles are overseen by a volunteer Board of Governors who set the strategic vision and goals of the organization. 17 Founding Members will establish the organization and guide its initial creation with a goal of 1) moving The Golden Mics into a key recognition position and 2) encouraging growth and networking of the Academy and the industry. Members are individuals in the podcast industry who are part of one of the Academy’s Peer Groups; each Peer Group will vote on its respective categories for The Golden Mics." 

So it's great that big companies with big budgets are going to be promoting podcasting. This is a good thing.

Someone Needs to Learn How to Google

The companies listed above need to learn how to do some Google searches. When you come in with a "We've arrived" mentality, you can easily offend those who have already been here working in the trenches. I mean who do you think you are the pilgrims?

The larger media companies keep saying things that seem to just ignore history. For example, an article that came out THIS WEEK stated that " Born in the halls of public radio, podcasting has emerged as one of the fastest-growing businesses in media over the past few years." Podcasting was NOT born in the halls of public radio. It was born in a hotel room where Dave Winer and Adam Curry met. In the past, I've just let them roll off m back, but I remember someone from one of these companies who stated there weren't any women podcasters in the early years (completely erasing people like Mignon Fogerty and Murr Raferty. Who can forget Steve Jobs referring to podcasting as "Amateur Hour."

So when I approached Hernan Lopez the founder and CEO of Wondery that there HAS BEEN a  “completely peer-based, not for profit, fully representative" awards show and I had won such an award he apologized.

I'm Not Saying Get Off My Lawn

Lopez was at an educational conference stating a lack of education. I'm not saying get off my lawn. I'm saying Marc Maron didn't invent podcasting (nor did Serial) and if you want me to greet you with open arms, it would be much easier if you would stop kicking me in the balls.

To the best of my knowledge, the Adamy of podcasters which controls the Hall of Fame is still in existence. It hasn't had a ceremony since 2018 due to a lack of sponsorship. This is sad. While some may feel this is just a bunch of friends slapping each other on the back, if you do some research that it's not just old white guys but women and people of color (granted the majority of the recipients is middle-aged white guys because when podcasting first started THOSE WERE THE PEOPLE WHO WERE PODCASTING.

So I look forward to seeing the spotlight the new academy will point at podcasting, and just ask them to quite saying things that make use feel invisible or worse, erase the past.

Speaking of the past, here is a link to the Academy of Podcasters Hall of Fame

New Podcasters Academy

Question of the Month

How did you get past the "Nobody will listen to me?" see www.schoolofpodcasting.com/question

Start Your Podcast Today

Go to www.schoolofpodcasting.com/start and start your podcast worry-free with our 30-day money-back guarantee 

  Check out this episode!

[biofunmy]

Iranian Hackers Target Trump Campaign as Threats to 2020 Mount

SAN FRANCISCO — The 2020 presidential election is still 13 months away, but already Iranians are following in the footsteps of Russia and have begun cyberattacks aimed at disrupting the campaigns.

Microsoft said on Friday that Iranian hackers, with apparent backing from the government, had made more than 2,700 attempts to identify the email accounts of current and former United States government officials, journalists covering political campaigns and accounts associated with a presidential campaign.

Though the company would not identify the presidential campaign involved, two people with knowledge of the hacking, who were not allowed to discuss it publicly, said it was President Trump’s.

In addition to Iran, hackers from Russia and North Korea have started targeting organizations that work closely with presidential candidates, according to security researchers and intelligence officials.

“We’ve already seen attacks on several campaigns and believe the volume and intensity of these attacks will only increase as the election cycle advances toward Election Day,” said Oren Falkowitz, the chief executive of the cybersecurity company Area 1, in an interview.

Microsoft’s report is the latest indication that cyberattacks and influence campaigns against political candidates are likely to accelerate heading into 2020. In 2016, Russian hackers infiltrated the computer networks of Democrats and Republicans, then selectively disseminated Democrats’ emails, including those of John D. Podesta, Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman, in an effort to harm Mrs. Clinton’s campaign.

Microsoft said the attacks occurred over a 30-day period in August and September. That was roughly after the Trump administration announced additional sanctions against Iran, more than a year following the president’s withdrawal from the 2015 nuclear deal with Tehran. Iranian officials concede that the sanctions, intended to choke off the country’s oil revenue, have plunged the economy into a recession.

More recently, the administration has considered a cyberstrike to punish Tehran for what officials charge was an Iranian attack on Saudi oil facilities last month. It is all part of a low-level, daily cyberconflict between the two countries.

Iranian hackers have been engaged in a broad campaign against United States targets, according to Microsoft. The company found that hackers had tried to attack 241 accounts, using fairly unsophisticated means. The hackers appeared to have used information available about their victims online to discover their passwords. It was unclear what information they had stolen.

While the Microsoft report did not name Iran’s targets, it found evidence that hackers had infiltrated email inboxes in at least four cases. But the four successful hacks did not belong to a presidential campaign.

Tim Murtaugh, the Trump campaign’s communications director, said in a statement that “we have no indication that any of our campaign infrastructure was targeted.” Representatives for other presidential candidates said on Friday that their campaigns had not been targeted.

For weeks, officials from the F.B.I., the Department of Homeland Security and the National Security Agency have said they are particularly concerned about Iranian-backed attacks. Their worries stemmed from rising tensions over new sanctions on Iran and nascent Iranian activity in the 2018 midterm elections.

While the officials said they believed that all the presidential campaigns were likely targets, Mr. Trump’s has long been considered a prime one.

It was Mr. Trump who abandoned the nuclear deal and ramped up sanctions. The United States has also designated the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps a terrorist group. The guard corps oversees the nuclear program and, by some accounts, Iran’s best hacking group, its Cyber Corps.

But it is not clear whether the group that Microsoft identified reports to the Cyber Corps or is made up, deliberately, of freelancers and others whose affiliations are harder to trace.

When Iranian officials are asked about cyberattacks, they admit nothing but note that attacks have been two-way. Three times in the past decade, the United States has directed cyberweapons against Iranian targets. The most famous attack, code-named Olympic Games, wiped out about 1,000 centrifuges at the Natanz nuclear enrichment site.

In recent weeks, United States Cyber Command was asked to develop options for retaliating against the missile and drone attacks on Saudi Arabia’s oil fields. Officials reported that a cyberstrike against Iran was emerging as the most attractive option, in an effort to avoid the kind of escalation that might result from a more conventional strike.

So far, there is no evidence of such action, but it might take a while to gain access to Iranian computer networks, and the results might be subtle.

Security executives at the Democratic National Committee warned staff members in an email this week that Iranian hackers might be targeting their email accounts with so-called spearphishing attacks, in which hackers try to lure their target into clicking on a malicious link or attachment. That link or attachment can give attackers a foothold into a computer network.

The hackers were also believed to be interfering with an additional security feature known as two-factor authentication — a common security method that asks for credentials beyond a password — and were creating fake LinkedIn personas to make their email lures more believable.

After Russia’s interference in 2016, Democrats have repeatedly warned their Republican counterparts that election interference cuts both ways, and that state-sponsored hackers may not always seek to help the Republican candidate.

But to date, Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, the majority leader, has refused to bring any election security bills to the floor. And Mr. Trump has yet to acknowledge Russian interference in the 2016 election, even as cybersecurity experts collect evidence that Russian hacking of organizations close to the 2020 campaigns is again underway.

James A. Lewis, a former government official and cybersecurity expert at the Center for Strategic and International Studies in Washington, said in a recent interview that cyberinterference, even from Russia, might not necessarily benefit Mr. Trump in 2020.

“The Russians have come to the conclusion that, so long as President Trump is in office, U.S.-Russian relations will remain at a standstill,” Mr. Lewis said.

Cybersecurity experts that specialize in disinformation say they have witnessed several coordinated disinformation campaigns aimed at influencing the 2020 campaign.

The bulk of that disinformation has originated domestically, said Cindy Otis, the director of analysis at Nisos, a cybersecurity firm in Alexandria, Va. She said other nation-states were closely watching these domestic operations but appeared to be holding back.

“We’ve seen a lot of disinformation on the domestic front, but nation-states are likely to amplify those narratives, as we saw Russia do in 2016,” Ms. Otis said. “But with so many candidates still in the running, nation-states seem to be waiting before they put all their efforts into one basket.”

Some cybersecurity firms said they were also witnessing what appeared to be the beginning stages of several different nation-state cyberattacks on American political campaigns.

In July, Tom Burt, Microsoft’s corporate vice president, told an audience at the Aspen Security Conference that Microsoft had evidence that Russia, Iran and North Korea had been the most active nations conducting cyberattacks.

With funding tight, only a handful of Democratic presidential campaigns have invested in a full-time cybersecurity officer. Instead, they have relied on advice from the Democratic National Committee and DigiDems, a Democratic technology firm founded after the 2016 presidential campaign.

The Democratic National Committee’s chief security officer, Bob Lord, holds occasional video conferences with members of presidential campaign staffs to keep them abreast of the latest threats. The committee has also mandated that each campaign have a point of contact for cybersecurity, and sends out both regular and emergency newsletters.

Every campaign, no matter how many millions of dollars it has raised, faces a difficult decision when building out a cybersecurity team: Such technology and expertise is expensive, but so is an expansive ground game.

“Campaigns only last until Election Day or when your candidate drops out,” said Tad Devine, a former senior adviser to the 2016 Bernie Sanders campaign. “If you spend too much on cybersecurity and not enough on voter contact, you’ll end your campaign by not making enough voter contact. So that’s the conundrum that campaigns are in.”

“Politics is a risk business,” Mr. Devine said. “You have to decide what risk you’re going to take.”

Sahred From Source link Business

from WordPress http://bit.ly/2AM0kuY via IFTTT

[flauntpage]

The Kill is Alive: Thoughts after Flyers 2, Predators 1

The phrase being tossed around this week is that the Flyers “are fun again.”

Two home wins following the firing of a coach who was publicly maligned for more than two years by the fans and starting the heir apparent, a 20-year-old rookie goalie, who the same fans have been screaming for will bring about that feeling.

And to be fair to the Flyers, they have played two solid games, most notably on the defensive side. Yes, Carter Hart has done a fine job in goal, but more so because he’s been able to make more routine saves that many other goalies the Flyers have trotted out this season.

No, instead of focusing on Hart, the real change has been the Flyers playing more soundly in their own end. They’ve improved their breakout. They haven’t alarmingly turned the puck over in the past two games like they did so often in the previous 30 games.

Winning both games helps, too, because it also energizes the fan base into thinking they were right all along and that the problem was the coach and the fact that Hart wasn’t on the team.

If you want to believe that, fine. Go nuts. It’s not accurate, even if it has played out that way for two games.

There are other factors, like Detroit, the team they beat Tuesday, being pretty terrible. And Nashville, the team the Flyers upset Thursday, playing without a couple key players.

But that’s the nature of the sport. Good teams take advantage of those breaks in their schedule and while it’s likely too soon to call the Flyers a good team, they certainly did take advantage of those breaks.

But there’s something else that is vastly improved about this hockey team, and it’s something that began well before Hart’s arrival and well before Dave Hakstol was fired, and it’s the No. 1 reason they were able to stave off the Predators on Thursday.

Find out what it is after the jump:

A suddenly stingy penalty kill

There was a time this season when the Flyers were on pace to be historically bad at killing penalties. Through the first 21 games, the Flyers penalty kill was only successful 68.5 percent of the time. It was a pace that, if maintained over the course of an entire season, would have resulted in the worst penalty kill percentage since the NHL started tracking that statistic in 1979-80.

Yeah, it was that bad.

But since then, which coincided with Thanksgiving, the Flyers have done a complete 180.

Yes, it’s a small sample size, but in the 12 games since, the Flyers penalty kill has allowed just five goals on 38 chances, killing off penalties at an 86.8 percent clip.

Consider that three of those goals allowed came in a 7-1 drubbing at the hands of Winnipeg, that means the Flyers have allowed a total of only three power play goals against in the other 11 games.

Assistant coach Ian Laperriere has been a target of the fans’ ire for much of the past two seasons because of the ineptitude of the penalty kill. It’s hard to say those outcries by the fans weren’t justified.

But just as he’s deservedly been the scapegoat for the penalty kill’s failings, he also needs to be recognized in a positive manner for finding a fix to this long-standing problem with the team – even if it’s only been a temporary one.

The Flyers killed off all six of Nashville’s power play chances Thursday. And while not having P.K. Subban manning the point or three of their top five goal scorers (Filip Forsberg, Colton Sissions, Viktor Arvidsson) in the lineup likely crippled Nashville some, the way the Flyers competed on the kill was still impressive.

“Our PK hasn’t been the best during the season, but I think during the last 10 games it has been a lot better,” said Robert Hagg. “I don’t know how many PKs we had, but every single guy that was on the ice did a hell of a good job.

“It’s all about the small details and I think we play with more pressure now than we did 10 games ago. We’re trying not to let them set up inside the zone, and I think that’s the biggest thing. … But you need to block shots, that’s what everybody in this room is saying, we need to keep doing that to be successful.”

As a whole, the Flyers blocked 23 in the game against the Predators. Hagg and Travis Sanheim led the way with five each, although 13 of the Flyers’ 18 skaters were credited with at least one block.

But never were they more important than on a two-minute, two-man shorthanded situation.

Late in the second period, the Flyers took three successive penalties. Wayne Simmonds wiped out the end of a power play with a chintzy hooking call. Radko Gudas was then whistled for delay of game which was immediately followed up by a high-sticking call on Andrew MacDonald that never made it above the top of the Predators logo on Kevin Fiala’s chest. However, Fiala sold it well, and the Flyers faced a daunting task.

With Ivan Provorov already off the ice with a misconduct (more on that in a bit) and Gudas and McDonald in the box, Coach Scott Gordon had little left in the way of options to kill off the two-minute penalty other than Sanheim and Hagg. Yeah, Shayne Gostisbehere was available, but he’s not reliable enough defensively to kill a penalty at 5-on-4, let alone 5-on-3, so it was the two second-year defenseman and Sean Couturier who coach Scott Gordon turned to and, well, they delivered:

(video courtesy of Charlie O’Connor at The Athletic)

Sanheim (21:58) and Hagg (20:59) were the top two minutes guys among the Flyers defensemen and they combined for more than 10 minutes of ice time while shorthanded.

Couturier also shows why he is an elite defensive forward on this kill. And it energized the building, as any good penalty kill in a one-goal game can – but when you are doing it two-men down for two minutes… that’s something else entirely.

Speaking of Sanheim

He’s arguably the Flyers best defenseman right now. Again, I know there are fans who have been screaming this for two years – that he should play more, that Hakstol stunted his growth, yada, yada, yada. But the fact is, he needed to be put on this path. He needed to develop with a little more nurturing. He needed to build confidence a little more slowly than some other players. That’s all O.K.

And if you think it was Hakstol who was stunting him, you’re fooling yourself. I asked Scott Gordon about Sanheim’s development, and this is what he had to say:

“In Travis’ first three months in Lehigh (in 2016-17) he was keeping both teams in it, that was his biggest adjustment. By December he was a little more responsible defensively and picking his spots better to jump up into the play.

“He plays that first year and no matter how much you learn and get better in the American League, there’s always going to be another adjustment in the NHL. Players are bigger, stronger, faster and decisions have to be made quicker. You can’t replicate that in the American League.

“So, he had some growing pains last year. But this year, you started to see him score a couple goals. He’s getting up into the play more. That’s a strength of his. Somewhere along the way on this most recent road trip (Assistant Coach Rick Wilson) started mixing up the D pairs and wanted to try some different things. When I got here, his recommendation was to play Sanheim with Provy.

“Obviously if you play with Provy you are going to get more ice time, and when you are a big body like that you’re going get some ice time on the penalty kill. And your minutes are going to go up, and, now he’s getting time against the other team’s top lines.

“With all that being said, he’s got to do the right things to deserve that opportunity and he has. Some of it is simplification. There was one play in the third period on the far side where he didn’t have anything and he threw it off the glass and he lives to play another day. He lives to play another shift. You know what I mean?

“Sometimes, when you are a young player you always think you can make a play and that was just one instance of his maturity as a player, recognizing the situation and identifying the fact that ‘I don’t have anything,’ get it out in the neutral zone, let a forecheck happen. Get in my gap and defend. That’s something the best defensemen do ��� they don’t beat themselves.”

There’s a lot to unpack here.

I love the way Gordon gives you a detailed, thoughtful answer. This is bountiful with information and really gives you honest perspective.

Speaking of which, I love the quip that Sanheim’s problem was he would “keep both teams in the game.” In other words, he was superior offensively but he often made bad decisions that would cost his team, and he needed to learn not to do that.

He identified that getting going offensively is what Sanheim needed this year to really spike his confidence.

That working with Rick Wilson is already paying dividends for Sanheim.

That Gordon, ever the teacher, identified an innocuous clearing play in the third period as a seminal moment for Sanheim’s development. Never mind that the guy, who rarely plays on the penalty kill, helped author a textbook kill of a two-minute, two-man disadvantage, the clearing play off the glass rather than risking a turnover is what was most impressive.

Overall, that Sanheim is earning his promotion to the top pairing and his bigger minutes.

And yet, that this is a shining example of a good, patient process for a young player playing out before our eyes.

I also had an opportunity to talk to Sanheim one-on-one after the game. Here’s how that went:

Q: You haven’t been asked to play a lot of PK this season, and then tonight, you were called into duty. Can you talk about jumping into that role and then being out there for the entire 5-on-3?

“Last year when I was sent down to the American League (Gordon) would leave me out on the penalty kill for the entire two minutes. So, I’m familiar with the situation and being able to kill penalties. It was something different for me this season, yes, but it wasn’t just me out there. Hagg and Coots deserve full credit, too.”

Q: You had to know with three defensemen in the box and with Ghost not playing on the kill that you guys were probably going to have to play the full two minutes, right?

“It’s not something that I was really thinking about to tell the truth. It was just that ‘next man up’ mentality, really. I just wanted to step up to the challenge. Hagg did, too. He had three or four blocks on that one kill alone. Credit to him for doing that. It made it easy for me.”

Q: Good that you were able to get a breather in there when Scott called the timeout too?

“He came down the bench to talk to us and see how we were feeling. He asked us if we thought he should take the timeout. I said that if he was willing to use it there that it would be a good time. It was nice to get the rest there for 30 seconds and then be able to go right back out there.”

Q: It’s no secret that confidence is a big thing for you and that you’ve been playing with a lot of it lately. Does being able to help the team win in this way – through defensive posture more so than your offensive ability – just add to that growing confidence?

“Yeah, I think so. Anytime you get to play in all situations you feel like you are contributing more to the team. That said, it doesn’t matter how many minutes I’m playing, I’m there to help the team win hockey games, but in the end, I’m going to do everything I can for however many minutes I play to do just that.”

Now, while the penalty kill was the key thing to focus on in this win, and I spent an inordinate number of words writing about it, there are some other things that I have to touch on before getting out of here, so:

MISCELLANEOUS STUFF

Provorov is damn lucky:

Why Provorov got a 10-minute misconduct. pic.twitter.com/5pF8QBypIP

— Broad Street Hockey (@BroadStHockey) December 21, 2018

This kind of action usually results in a match penalty and a game misconduct. In that instance, there is an automatic 10-game suspension. No hearing. No negotiation. 10 games. Out. But, by getting only a 10-minute misconduct, he will likely avoid that significant suspension. I expect a fine of some sort… but that’s it. Big break for Provy and the Flyers.

The non-call on Sean Couturier

I took abuse from Twitter for saying I agree with the referee in not calling this a penalty. I will say that I wouldn’t have been shocked if it was called a penalty, but this is far closer to a borderline call/non-call than it is a blatant and egregious boarding:

It looks worse at full speed and from the wide angle than it really is. The angle to pay attention to is the one from behind the net. The referee isn’t wrong that Couturier turned away from the check and that he does reach out to brace himself on the hit. Usually, those two things prevent a boarding call unless the skater takes several strides to hit a player from behind with force, which Ryan Johansson does not do in this instance.

I talked to Coots privately after the game, and while I won’t quote him specifically because I didn’t have my recorder on at the time, here are some things that he said:

He’s fine. He doesn’t have a concussion. However, he was mad that he had to go to the quiet room to get checked for a concussion on a play that there was no penalty. If an off ice official was concerned for his health on a hit, then maybe the hit wasn’t good.

He admitted he turned into the boards, but said he did so to protect the puck.

He didn’t feel it was a major penalty, but thought it should have been a minor for two reasons. The first being that Johansson was not right on him, but took a stride before making contact. The second being they had just called a penalty on the Flyers for a high hit (Scott Laughton) and an earlier high stick on Andrew MacDonald (which wasn’t a high stick) was the result of Kevin Fiala throwing his head back. His thought process was if those were penalties than this should have been too.

I get the argument. And like I said, I wouldn’t have been screaming about an injustice for Nashville if the penalty was called. But, by the book – and not that the book is always right – this was a 50/50 judgment call and the ref went with the judgment that it wasn’t a penalty. I can’t disagree with that rationale.

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