#but at the same time trans people shouldnt feel like they should conform to this idea of uniqueness or weirdness

[hell0mega]

more cis characters named Moss and Fish and more trans and enby characters named Dave and Jennifer. and yes they're all chosen names

[funshinebf]

gender moment venting below idk its kind of long and messy but i was just stream of thoughting about this shit

ive been wondering a bit lately about if i would want to go back on T again in the future. im trying not to worry about crossing that bridge til i get to it, but its just. idk. i sort of feel like if i decide that going back on it isnt right for me, that ive somehow... failed? like. i do not regret going on it! im very happy with my voice deepening, as well as my body hair growth. but i also really struggled with keeping up on my shots, the appointments and bloodwork, as well as the acne and patchy facial hair and how they affected my body image and self esteem. while on one hand, i would Love to have facial hair, i had a really hard time with the awkward phase of it growing in, and i just felt... really, really shitty about my appearence while i was dealing with it. if i could go back on it and instantly have fully formed facial hair and clear skin, i might consider it, but... since thats not possible, i think i'd rather just keep the changes i already got and continue to be off of it.

and like, i know that every trans persons needs and wants in their transition are different, and its okay to not want certain changes, it doesnt make someone less trans. but it just feels like, with how long i was fighting for it, and how desperately i assured everyone around me that it would be good for me... it feels like by stopping it ive just proven them all right. and thats really frustrating for me! because like i said, i dont REGRET doing it, i dont want to get rid of what i did get from it! i just. couldnt handle some of the other effects.

i also feel almost like. it isnt fair to other trans people i know who arent able to start hormones? like, oh, i got on them super easily and now i dont even want them, when other people are still struggling so much and would love to be in my shoes. its so disheartening.

and idk. i know that my reservations about this are most likely just internalized transphobia, but its still.. very upsetting. i dont want anyone to think of me as less of a man, or less valid because of my hesitance to go back on T. and like, i still very much want top surgery, and i have no doubts about my pronouns and expression of my identity. i know who i am, i know what makes me happy, and i know what makes me unhappy! i just wish i didnt have to deal with any of this, pressure i guess? to conform to something that lines up more with a cis persons view of how trans people should be. i dont want to pass as a cis man. i dont think i ever will. i wish how i look didnt affect how people saw my gender, i want to be called 'sir' or 'young man' even when im wearing a full face of makeup and a dress. even when i have long hair and painted nails, even when i walk a certain way or have certain mannerisms or talk a certain way. i dont want any of that to automatically make people assume im a woman, or even use neutral pronouns for me. i just hate having to explain over and over again, that yes i ONLY use he/him, even when i look super feminine or use feminine terms for myself. if i ask someone else not to use feminine terms for me, why is that so hard for some people to understand? it isnt the same as me using it for myself. when i use it for myself its because i know exactly how i mean it and how i view myself when using it. i dont know those things when other people use it. only a select few people that i know for sure view me the way i am are allowed to refer to me that way. this shouldnt be so difficuly to wrap your head around. i know my own intent. i dont know yours. its that fucking simple!

urghhhh, this got a little more ramble-y than i meant it to. whatever. gender beam

[socialistsooner420]

that ace recognition post really got to me. and i just want to say in addition to ace inclusion, we really need nb inclusion.

i always feel so weird about being a non binary asexual in a "heteronormative" relationship because i feel like people just assume that im straight and a girl and it drives me nuts. and i see where they can gather assumptions, but to deny it once corrected is absolutely sickening to me.

i dont mind being called a girl, i mean i kinda do, but i stopped caring. my appearance really plays the most into that. ive got long thick hair (havent had a haircut in 7 years) and a fem face, and i do like "girly" aesthetics such as pink/iridescent/pastels, but i cant help what i find visually appealing. just how i cant help that i just dont really care about sex or have a drive for it. and being told that im a "cis girl" because i like "cis girl" aesthetics is SUPER disorienting from people who want to break "gender norms". it feels like if anything, they should be on the side of someone who conforms to no gender and just LIKES THINGS. NBS SHOULD BE THE DANG POSTER CHILDREN FOR DESTROYING GENDER NORMS! we literally just EXIST and LIKE WHAT WE LIKE REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER GENDER SOMETHINGS MARKETED TOWARD!!!!

growing up, when i was a kid, i saw a lot of graphic things i shouldnt have. including a lot of sexual imagery/nudity/sex scenes in movies. it always made me feel uncomfortable and gross. still does to this day!! but the pressures of growing up in a society that normalizes the sexuality of children, i felt like i had to replicate the same things i saw that made me so uncomfortable. i got into terrible situations where i was just goaded into having sexual relations just because the guys i was with didnt believe me and oh my god that "ill make ya change yr sexuality ;)" quote hit me so fucking hard i almost puked, recognizing the exact thing that was quoted to me right down to the fuckin winky face. it churns my stomach knowing i caved into their pressures, simply due to the implications that might happen to me if i didnt. they were usually my ride home, i didnt have a car and would stupidly agree to hang out with someone at their house. how STUPID of me to think that i was coming over for some platonic friend time, why didnt i even consider the fact that all they wanted to do was fucking "touch the untouchable"

when i was 18, i went out with a frat boy. i look back on this relationship with such disgust for so many reasons, but the absolutely sickening thing was when i found out after we broke up, he only dated me on a "dare" from one of his frat bros. the dare? "have sex with the girl who says she's asexual". fucking disgusting.

and to be told by other nb/trans folk that "im just a girl playing pretend" really gets on my nerves. i get it enough from straight people, and its extra disappointing to hear from lgbt+ people who should understand the struggles of having strangers invasively doubt and question your sexual behavior as if its their business. another thing thats no one's business? im a never nude. im uncomfortable with the human form. especially mine. ive always wished that i were just a plastic doll with no genetalia. that plays a BIG part in my asexuality and my non binary identity because, well, DUH, i wish i had no sexual/reproductive organs so i would have a "legitimate reason" to NOT HAVE TO HAVE SEX.

ive had people doubt my asexuality simply based on the fact that ive got a "cis" (but also non male conformative) boyfriend, that somehow invalidates my asexuality. it drives me insane. just because im in a happy relationship doesnt mean we gotta fuck?????? i mean it happens but definitely not as much as a "normal" couple does (god that sickens me just to have to imply our relationship is "abnormal).

im a sex-repulsed ace, but as much as my parter respects MY sexuality (not forcing me into sex even though i dont want it) i also respect HIS sexuality and we'll have sex on occasion. and as sex-repulsed as i am, it's tolerable because he's RESPECTFUL because he KNOWS and RESPECTS it.

i cant even count on both hands and feet how many times ive said that im asexual and have heard "oh so u reproduce by yrself?" "oh so youre like a plant" "oh well you'll NEVER find a partner like that" and after being established in this relationship with my fiance, hearing people say "ah so yr not asexual anymore i see!" is sickening. its not like a switch. im asexual. i have 0 interest in sex.

my fiance is a cis male. hes heterosexual but also recognizes that i dont identity as a female. and hes OK WITH THAT!!!!

its just astounding how he is able to understand and respect it, yet so many people try to trash on both aces and nbs, especially from the lgbt+ community themselves, the people that should understand and respect that already.

idk man. rant over that post just really got to me and legit made me cry.

[catboyfeli]

i feel like it’s really telling that most nondysphoric trans ppl are bisexual

like bisexuals inherently don’t conform to gender roles

and with tumblr treating gender and behavior and feelings as gender, no wonder everyone’s convinced they can’t just exist as a gnc person without weaseling their way into trans spaces

like you can just present male some days and female other days and be cis plenty of people, especially bisexuals, INCLUDING MYSELF, desire to flip-flop between social roles

gender as a social role is completely socially constructed and all this gender stuff just UPHOLDS that. trans people are dysphoric about their sex which translates into social dysphoria because it reminds them OF their sex being “wrong.”

and then all this gender shit also confuses binary trans people into thinking they’re genderfluid or something when they really just are in denial, or have fluctuating dysphoria, or something similar. and then nb trans people get roped into all this too.

i talk abt this a lot and i know nobody cares but its the most infuriating thing but if i try to talk about it i’m the bad guy :/

anyway i just think social roles need to be abolished instead of supported like everyone’s been doing. gender as a social concept only exists from people trying to create a way to separate the two sexes, which turned into something more due to sexism. if you wanna be seen as the opposite gender or neither gender then yeah you might be trans! but it also easily could be something else causing that feeling! people being so quick to jump on the bandwagon is just so harmful and trans people, DYSPHORIC people, deserve their own spaces.

people have gender and gender roles all mixed up and just b/c you identify as something doesn’t make it valid? trans people don’t identify as trans they just are b/c their brain knows something’s not right. it’s just so ugh. wanting to take on a different social role isn’t dysphoria, it’s a SIDE EFFECT of dysphoria, so having that alone doesn’t necessarily mean anything. it just baffles me how people think it’s at all comparable when social roles are socially constructed like??? i just don’t understand how else i can say this to get it through people’s heads? it’d be easy to debate someone but i’m not doing that on this hellsite

idk im just so tired of people saying “gnc and nb isnt the same!!” but then going around and iding as nb BECAUSE they feel disconnected from gender and its social roles like???? you just contradicted yourself. if you’re ok with your bio sex then chances are you’re cis and just don’t conform to binary gender roles. gender and gender roles are basically the same thing like there’s little distinction.

people also make gender into this big fucking thing like once i said the only possible way to nb to exist is to have a neurosex that’s an equal mix of male and female, thus creating atypical dysphoria, and people got SO FUCKING OFFENDED LIKE uM

i shouldn’t need to explain how stupid that is djkldljkfjklfjk ugh

anyway the only way gender is real is via brain sex. gender as a social construct is real, buuut also fake because it’s a social construct. not conforming to gender is GOOD because it means you’re not letting yourself be shoved into a box. but that doesn’t make you trans. and you’re still either male or female and not fitting into gender roles doesn’t mean anything or make you nb, atypical dysphoria does.

and honestly the whole being wlw and mlm at the same time thing is so?? creepy and fetishy??? i really shouldnt have to explain why. like i identify as female, male, and neither, but that means Literally Nothing and if i, as a cis girl, tried to weasel my way into mlm spaces it’d be fuckin creepy. it just makes trans mlm look like a joke and it’s pretty shitty.

but also they seriously need the change the terms for nb people because theyre described as like “being attracted to female genitalia and femininity but not necessarily females” and ??? FEMININITY AND FEMALE ARENT THE SAME THING BY THIS LOGIC YOU COULD BE ATTRACTED TO A FEMININE MAN, BUT WAIT HE PRESENTS AS A MAN SO JUST SAY FEMALE PRESENTING AAAAAAAAAAAA

and like if someone presents as female... they’re female. gender and identity doesn’t matter they look female, their biologically female, they’re female. it should be about SEX not what they identify as. attraction to trans people is about perceived sex, not gender. and you can be attracted to someone who presents as female but then find out theyre actually male and lose the attraction. it’s just such a COMPLEX THING YOU CANT PUT INTO BOXES LIKE THIS ugh

i just think the whole gender thing needs to go honestly. its all about sex and perceived sex, personality, behavior, looks, interests, mannerisms, etc. i just summed up how gender contributes to attraction in that one sentence. that’s how unnecessary it is. you can like people who aren’t male and have feminine mannerisms. tada! we just summed up a way to experience attraction without making it weird!

its kind of funny how people describe attraction is a way that enforces binary roles despite trying to go against them. like instead of saying a lesbian is attracted to women why not just say a lesbian is attracted to everyone but men? it recognizes how presentation and perceived sex go into play without making things weird. because even if someone isnt a man, using this in the sense of a dysphoric nb person and NOT just how they ~identify~ bc that’s stupid, but anyway if they’re not a man, but present as a man, then the lesbian isn’t going to be attracted to them, and that’s just how it works.

but! the lesbian could meet a man who presents as male but feminine and has feminine mannerisms, and realize she’s actually bi and is just attracted to femininity, because attraction is complex and much like how people won’t fit into binary social roles, people’s attraction ALSO won’t fit into binary social roles, so maybe a girl could be really into masculinity and think she’s straight but then see a masculine girl and realize she’s bi, and not be into feminine men b/c just because she likes men doesn’t men she likes ALL men and b/c masculine and male aren’t the same thing

hoo i could go on but i know nobody is reading this. maybe i could try to put all my thoughts into a legible essay someday idk. anyway i just think real nb people are so rare that it’s better to treat their gender as a lack of gender, rather than a third gender, and that their gender exists BECAUSE of their atypical dysphoria, not because they ~identify~ as something different or anything dumb like that.

i see why people think a third gender would be beneficial but i’m just trying to be realistic. trans people are only 0.37% of the population. nb trans people would make up an extremely small amount of that percentage, so it only makes sense to NOT change the way the world works for over 99% of people, and instead find a compromise in treating their gender as a lack of one. plus the whole third gender thing is something gnc youth love to latch onto which isn’t healthy. creating a third gender for people who don’t fit into binary gender roles is regressive and enforces binary gender roles. that’s it that’s what this whole spiel was about basically im done now goodbye