#because as trans people we know how great euphoria can be

[hell0mega]

more cis characters named Moss and Fish and more trans and enby characters named Dave and Jennifer. and yes they're all chosen names

[cocklessboy]

Bafflingly, some of my posts are yet again getting notes from terfs and transphobes, so once again, here is a reminder that:

I am literally trans and extremely happy about it. Love being trans and injecting myself with testosterone and being hairy and having a deep voice and being called "sir" by strangers. It fucking rocks.

Trans rights and let people do whatever they want with their bodies and gender presentation forever.

Men are great, I love men, they are not evil or inherently dangerous.

Penises are not inherently dangerous.

Women can have penises and men can have vaginas and anyone can have any combination of genitals and it's none of your business what they have.

Trans men are men, trans women are women, nonbinary people are nonbinary, people's gender is whatever they say it is and I don't care how many times they change it.

Trans women are great, I love trans women. I love all trans people but trans women get a special shout-out because they really seem to have to put up with the most bullshit, hate, discrimination, and violence. I am giving every trans woman who wants one a hug and/or a fresh-baked cookie and telling you how beautiful you look.

Yes, every trans woman is beautiful, this transcends cultural ideas about what is attractive, they are all inherently beautiful.

Intersex people are fucking awesome too by the way, whether they're trans or cis or don't think of themselves in either of those terms.

No one is giving the surgeries you're all so afraid of to typical trans kids, but they sure as fuck are doing them on literal babies who were just born if they are visibly intersex and that is some fucked up shit and needs to be banned everywhere forever.

Conversion therapy is just torture, doesn't work, does immeasurable harm, and should be banned in every circumstance everywhere in the world forever. (That also includes conversion therapy for autistic kids, typically called "ABA therapy," just while we're on the topic.)

People can fuck around and explore gender and try something and decide it's not for them and transition and detransition and retransition and redetransition as many times as they want and that's all fine and cool.

Dysphoria is not a necessary part of being trans, you can be trans without dysphoria. Gender euphoria is more important than gender dysphoria.

Medical transition is not a necessary part of being trans, you can be trans without hormones or surgery.

Not all trans people know they're trans as children. Some of us don't figure it out until we're much older. (I was 35!) It doesn't matter when you realize you're trans, it's still valid.

Ignore whatever other people say about who you "really" are and whether you're "allowed" to be that. You are whatever version of you makes you feel the happiest with yourself, end of discussion.

Gender can also change. Genderfluid people are real and valid and awesome.

Trans people are in no way inherently a danger to children. While we're at it, neither are drag queens, I love drag queens too.

Misogyny is inherent in our culture and we are all touched by it but we can choose to fight against it, and that includes transmisogyny.

Medical misogyny is real and it sucks and we need to fight against it. (So is medical racism and medical fatphobia and all kinds of other discrimination.) These are structural problems caused by the way doctors are trained and not the result of men being evil. Female doctors are frequently just as bad or even worse in how they treat female patients.

Toxic masculinity is real and baked into our culture but it is not an inherent aspect of men or masculinity itself, it is something we are taught growing up, it can be unlearned, and we can fight against it.

Men are not inherently bad or dangerous, and if you hate all men you should genuinely get some therapy and work on that. Yeah, even if you were traumatized by a man, that doesn't mean they're all bad. The vast majority of them are good and awesome.

If you have been so badly traumatized by a penis that you can't handle seeing one, then I am genuinely sorry to hear that, but it is on you to avoid any place where people might be naked, and not on literally half the human race to hide themselves from you.

Women can also be aggressive, violent, and abusive. They are not all inherently pure and gentle and nurturing.

Most women are good too though, just like most men. People are mostly good!

Gender is not a binary but neither is "biological sex." Your third-grade education in biology was, believe it or not, extremely simplified, because you were a child, and does not reflect actual reality. If you can't face that, then I guess you are still a child, no matter how old you are.

Feminism is about how women are as good as men and can do everything men can, not about how women are weak and soft and men are better at everything. That's sexism, you're doing sexism, not feminism.

Fuck terfs, transphobes, radfems, "gender criticals," or whatever the fuck else you're calling yourselves these days when you realize once again that everyone hates you so you change your name to try to make yourselves sound like you're not a small, sad group of conservative extremists that, again, everyone seriously fucking hates.

Focusing on helping the people you love is more important and productive than focusing on punishing the people you hate, so once more: trans people are fucking awesome and I love every one of us.

Trans rights forever.

In the words of the legendary @drchucktingle, love is real. Now get out there and prove love and make your world a little brighter today.

Terfs please out yourselves in the notes so I can block you. 💖

[gay-otlc]

Transmasc Lesbianism

I'm a lesbian. I'm also a straight trans man. This might confuse you, but you may want to consider looking at perspectives of gender and sexuality that differ from your own and don't fit into neat little boxes.

A definition of lesbian that has been gaining popularity in queer spaces is "non men loving non men." This was meant to be inclusive for nonbinary lesbians, as an alternative to "women loving women." However, the phrase is very flawed. I've spoken about this elsewhere, but the main points are

It categorizes all nonbinary people alongside women. In this context, "non-men" comes off as "women or nonbinary people who are basically women." Not all nonbinary people, even if they're non-men will feel comfortable being labeled as a lesbian, since the term has feminine connotations and can cause dysphoria. It's unfair to put them in this box just because they're not a man.

Attraction is complex and cannot be divided into "attracted to men" and "not attracted to men." This disregards people who use the split attraction model (different romantic and sexual orientations), people who experience alterous attraction, people with fluid sexualities, and more.

Gender is complex and cannot be divided into "male" and "all genders that are not male." The identity most blatantly erased by this is multigender identities- people with multiple genders can be both male and a gender that is not male. There are also genderfluid people who are sometimes male, demigender people who are partially male, or nonbinary people who don't identify as male but may refer to themselves with masculine terms such as boy or man anyway.

The focus of lesbianism should not be excluding men. Mindsets like this are echoing TERF rhetoric that seeks to exclude transfeminine lesbians because TERFs wrongly consider them to be men. And it's annoying to make our identity about men or lack thereof, when we don't need to be talking about men at all- our community is about our shared attraction for women, because women are great!

Awesome, we've got that out of the way. If you're still reading this and going "but you can't be a trans man and a lesbian, lesbian means non men loving non men!!!!!", then I don't know what to tell you. Read the list again? Go through the other posts linked? Maybe log off tumblr?

If you read all that and you're willing to accept that not all lesbians will fit into "non men loving non men," and you don't understand but you're open to learn, read on! By the end you might still not understand, but you don't need to understand me to respect me.

For some context, here is a description of my gender and sexuality.

Gender: I'm a bigender trans man. To put it as simply as I can, my gender is primarily male, but I also have some of the female gender. I'm comfortable being seen as solely a man or both a man and a woman, but not solely a woman.

Sexuality: I'm sexually attracted to women almost exclusively. As mentioned at the beginning of the post, I describe myself as a lesbian (or gay, sapphic, etc). I also describe myself as a straight man (or straight transmasc, transhet, etc).

How can I be both?

That's where my multigender identity comes into play. I'm a man and a woman. I'm attracted to women. This makes me both a man attracted to women and a woman attracted to women; a straight man and a lesbian.

Like I said earlier, male is my primary gender and being female is more secondary. So, I'm primarily a man attracted to women, and to a lesser extent a woman attracted to women. Internally, I perceive myself as more of a straight man than a lesbian. I get a lot of gender euphoria from calling myself a straight man, and the feminine connotations of lesbian can sometimes make me uncomfortable.

So, why do I still identify as a lesbian?

Although I consider myself and my attraction to be mostly transhet, that's not really how I interact with the world around me. I'm out as bigender to some people, but I'm also closeted in many contexts, and I don't pass very well even where I am out. This means I navigate my life as someone generally perceived as a woman, who is attracted to women. Even if I don't always consider myself to fit fully with lesbianism, a majority of people will interpret me that way when they find out I'm attracted to women.

Lesbianism is a label I found my home in, for many years, and it still means a lot to me. I spent a long time defining myself as a lesbian and existing in our community, and it's a significant part of my identity.

The way I experienced my attraction growing up was a lesbian experience, not a straight experience. I consider myself a straight man now, but I didn't grow up interacting with the world as a heterosexual child. I was expected to have crushes on boys and was mocked for not fitting into that. I was called a lesbian in a derogatory way when I was ten, and I found power in reclaiming that. When I realized I was attracted to women, I spent years feeling like a freak for it until lesbians communities helped me to be proud. Lesbian is the label that most accurately describes my history and my experience as a young queer.

Also, although the label lesbian sometimes causes dysphoria, I sometimes get euphoria from referring to myself or being referred to as a lesbian. I especially get euphoria from being a butch lesbian. I take so much joy from my butch identity. And while referring to myself as lesbian in a joking manner, with phrases like "I'm so gay for her" or "not to be a lesbian but oh my god," might not count as gender euphoria, saying them makes me happy, and that's enough for me.

So, why do I identify as a man? Because I am one.

Why do I identify as a lesbian? Because it describes my past experience and the way I interact with the world as someone perceived as a woman. Because it's important to me. Because I want to.

Why do I use these labels that contradict each other? Because these are the labels that are right for me, and I have every right to have a confusing identity.

Thank you for your time.

[zloveon]

You're doing great. You can call me sponge anon if you want. 💗

_\| As Long As You Need |/_

Word Count: 0.5k

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Pairings: He/They!Trans!Reader x Platonic!Castiel

Content Warnings: Mentions of dysphoria, religious topics, disapproving parents, use of the pet name“sweetheart” 

A/N: Hi my darling! My heart still truly goes out to you and all of the others in a similar situation. I want to state one final time for everyone that I am not trans, so I do truly apologize if in any way I offend or hurt anyone in the community. Please reach out to me and let me know if I do, and I will absolutely take this fic down. My intentions with this fic are to provide a safe, loving space. Not to harm. I hope this fic can help bring you a semblance of peace though a hard time than I cannot even begin to imagine. I love you, and stay strong my darling. 🫶

Taglist: @ohsc @ryvkkr

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Castiel didn’t understand it, how so many people held so much hate in their hearts. How parents could leave their children feeling so helpless and alone during something that was already hard enough to cope with— even without judgement. The hatred was so often accredited to God’s name, but even after being abandoned by his Father— Castiel knew the hatred was justified. His Father had loved the humans, all of them. 

     Which was why seeing them like this.. it hurt him, deeply. The way he was curled up into a ball— clinging onto the angel’s chest as if it were the last thing grounding them. Castiel ran his hand through their hair, his chin rested atop theirs. “Shh, It’s okay, kiddo..” he murmured softly against the shell of his ear, allowing the other to curl further into him. It broke his heart how.. dejected they looked.  

     “It’s not okay—“ he started to protest, only to be quickly and shushed by the angel. 

     “It is,” he whispered, his hand running down to their cheek before moving back to stroking their hair. “You have me, I am your family. Sam and Dean are as well. Blood runs thicker than water, does it not?” 

     Those words only made him cry harder, because Castiel had not quite realized that the phrase had changed over time. “No, no. Shshsh, it originally meant something much different. Water means the water of the womb— your mother, and blood means the blood of a covenant. Or in our case, our bond. I have bled for you, and I would do it again. I am here for you, always. I wish this was a pain I could soothe for you.” 

     “Can’t you?” They choked out, which only broke the angel’s heart all the more. “Just make it stop, Cas. C’mon, man— I can’t.. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” 

     “I can only offer you a temporary solution, sweetheart,” the elder whispered to him, gently patting away their tears with the pad of his thumb. The word sounded unfit for Castiel’s mouth, but he had picked it up from Sam comforting a young child on a hunt. He assumed it would comfort the person, his family, that was curled into him.

     “Then do it,” he pleaded, their hand twisting into the trench coat that was draping over the other’s shoulders. Begging for even a moment of peace from the storm that had taken over his head. “Just make it go away, please..”

     “It will wear off,” Castiel started, but ultimately decided to give them what they so craved. One of his hands left their spot of holding him, moving to connect two fingers to their forehead. “There.” He said, as he wrapped his arm back into its original placement. 

    The angel could see the euphoria wash over him, which made him smile to himself. He merely squeezed them tighter, holding onto him as they melted into him. “Is this.. better, kiddo?” 

     “You couldn’t imagine how much better this is, Cas.” They said, pausing before looking up at him as he leant back into his shoulder. “Can we stay like this? Just a little longer?”

     “As long as you need.” 

[solarmagickstar]

Not super into Jessie Gender, but I watched their video on "how we talk about trans men" and I've gotta say it was disappointing asf.

As a trans masc/guy I feel like I can't really have an opinion? Like for me it's like I'm too scared to be angry, like if I am it's just gonna be thrown back at me like "oh it must be those testosterone hormones coming out" or "well of course your all angry your a man" like men can't be sensitive at all or something? It's almost always said in a way to "give me euphoria" cause that's how we're supposed to treat men.

At times it really feels like we're being pushed out of queer spaces because we'll if your a guy you wouldn't wanna be a part of the marginalised group ya know cause "we're escaping to get to privilege" right?

I don't feel like our experience with gender is allowed to be expressed openly and we're absolutely not allowed to be GNC. And honestly the same could probably be said for GNC trans fems too, I don't see a lot of them either.

I feel like in Jessie gender's video they kinda didn't *actually* wanna sit with what they said originally? Like when it came to the Barbie movie I wanted to participate in the conversation of girl hood and how that's still relevant to me and how it's shaped me as the person I am today, how much I enjoyed the Ken dolls experience and how they played with masculine fashion in a way I hadn't seen in a while. But honestly I felt like well this movies for the girls so I probably shouldn't say anything.

Sometimes I wonder if we partially do this to ourselves because a lot of us keep to ourselves and don't really wanna be seen half the time. I haven't talked to the trans masc I knew since we all left Facebook, it's so lonely out here and the more I look for trans content the more I see trans fems and basically only white trans masc (with like maybe 2 poc ones but is that really all we get?) It makes me feel like I don't exist. The only places I can see poc trans masc viking or existing is on sites run by a variety of trans people or is run by a trans masc person living free.

When I see that I think, thank god your fucking real. Thank god I see someone like me thriving and existing out there.

I wanna see more of y'all, like actually see y'all, I feel like I'm fading away as more and more content keeps talking about how bad trans fems (oh and non binary but let's not define what you mean or who you're talking about we just throw them in there cause let's be more inclusive right? But only to you? Great) but the amount of trauma that's in the trans masc community is horrific and is not talked about or addressed at all.

In men's spaces there's not room for queer most of the time, so to find a place to belong and essentially get told my issues aren't as important or that trans fems ("and nonbinary" cause again you're lying to yourself by saying this even if your non-binary) then you're fundamentally missing out on our lives. I don't even feel like we have enough data on us because even the trans masc get lumped in with nonbinary or GNC like that's just fucking normal.

I remember a study was out on trans masc and GNC women about how often all of us deal with sexual assault and it's the closest I've seen and it wasn't even good findings it was depressing. I wish I could find it again. But again that study put us with GNC (pretty sure it was cis) women!

Please not this is coming from someone who's been SA'd pre and post coming out as trans. Did you know some people see us as a way to see if they're gay or bi? Like experiment on us, get us drunk and tell us we should just take it because "well you're supposed to be a man right?" We can't even get to these conversations yet and I'm worried we never will.

Do we even exist? Are we allowed to voice our opinions? Are we allowed to be mad? Are we allowed to be upset with our community? Can we do our own studies? Should we be more visible? I'm scared to, I don't wanna show my face I'm a very private person, but do I need to address that? Is that a bad thing? Is it perpetuated by my environment?

I don't know and honestly I just wanna see more variety of trans masc people, I'm scared we're just gonna stay under the radar and continue to deal with the bullshit we always have.

Ps. Jessie gender 100% did the I have a trans masc friend, no matter how much they said "I'm not doing that" they literally were doing it and there was almost no self reflection on that at all. This wasn't really the video I think they thought it was cause all it did was tell me they don't talk to us very often and that at this point I've just seen heart reacts to comments on their video's comments and not any actual responses to what anyone's said on there. It'll be a process I get it but this video was not good at all and I feel like any trans masc who's getting excited about being seen by a bigish YouTuber is like me desperate for anything validation cause that's kinda how starved we are out here tbh.

[streetkid-named-desire]

I did a search on Nexus of all mods with "flat chest" in the description and there were only 3 pages and a handful that weren't refits at all for clothes.

I did a search for mods with ebb in the description and there are nineteen fucking pages. A search for angel brings up eight fucking pages and that body is brand new. A body that has only been out for a few weeks, already has more refits than a body that has been out for two years.

We are truly hurting for refits. Dynamic mesh switching works for flat body, you can use the tag `flat`

If you make clothing mods or are working on updating your mod to use dynamic meshes, I would encourage you to add flat chest to that! The reason people don't use the flat chest body is because there aren't enough refits! If there were more refits, you'd be doing a great service to trans players.

I humbly urge you to please do flat chest refits. I didn't expect how much second hand gender euphoria I get seeing Rat and wearing flat chested clothes and I know I'm not alone. Especially for people who want a character that looks like them or looks like an idealized version of themselves.

[r3d-f0xs-blog]

International Non-binary People's Day!

It’s International Non-binary People's Day today, and besides sharing a new pic of Charlie, I thought I’d also share about it since I am non-binary myself. My pronouns are they/them as are Charlie's.

It’d be easy to focus on the bad things I’ve experienced as a queer person and specifically as a non-binary and trans person but that gives away the goodness I have from being able to be out and open about it.

Non-binary is something I’ve felt for a long time but being a person who grew up in the 80s and 90s so the language wasn’t something I had until the last few years, with a homophobic parent, in a career that was never kind or decent to anybody in the LGBTQIA+ community, it took me so long for those and many more reasons. I try to not dwell on that as it doesn't help but make some moments and things make more sense when I look back.

But now that I’m out as being non-binary it’s been a relief to be able to feel more able to live and express my gender more freely, to know that I can get gender affirming treatment like the top surgery I want. It’s also meant I’ve talked about myself to family in a way I haven’t before. They don’t understand what it is to be non-binary to me or any of the other labels I use, but they’ve been willing to listen and to learn more. Yeah, they sometimes get it wrong, and there are things that need to be worked on, but I’ve never felt so seen or understood before, and that’s lovely.

I’m proudly trans and non-binary because I feel it is important to be that way so that others feel safe to be out too or that even if they can’t just yet, one day they can. I didn’t keep in the closet for all this time to be meek about it when people actively seek to reduce mine and the rights of friends and others like us, or would like to see us no longer be here. People deserve to be seen and honoured as themselves and that takes the courage of others to help them, to help build a world where people don’t live in fear of being themselves. That’s all we want; to live as our true selves, honestly, fully and happy.

Charlie would be surprised and yet not surprised of how things are right now, but they very much share my attitude that there’s no shame in being yourself. It feels great! We bring colour, joy, euphoria in the celebration of who we are, we enrich the experience of being human in the multitude of ways you can be. Non-binary people have been a part of humanity's history for much longer than people want believe and have been a part of and respected in many cultures around the world and across time.

Hope you all have a wonderful day and remember that somewhere to somebody your non-binary self is the sugar in somebody’s coffee, the strawberry to their shortcake, the lace in their shoe (yeah I stole that from You’re the Cream in my Coffee but it’s true!)

[sonofapunk]

I know nothing about anarky. What makes him so trans?

Thank you so much for asking, anon! I'm gonna go ahead and jump right in! (And I will do my best to keep this focused on gender, with very light context, so if you want to know more about this character in general, please feel free to ask follow-up questions!)

Word count: A little over 2100

Trigger Warnings for: mentions of gender dysphoria, discussions of gender presentation and bodies, assumptions of a character's gender identity, comic-standard violence, transphobia, and death. (Note: If I've missed something that you'd like a heads-up for both in this list, and before it happens in the text, let me know! <3)

So, in 1989, Alan Grant/DC debuted one Lonnie Machin a.k.a. Anarky!

Lonnie was posed as a challenger to Batman, someone who makes him think about his methods and choices. Alfred comments in Lonnie's debut, even, that Lonnie is a "kindred spirit" to Batman. Bruce disagrees, but he does admit that there's some similarities there, which calls into question vigilantism as a form of justice, and what methods vigilantes should and shouldn't be using, in Bruce's mind. (Sidenote: there's this great moment in Tec 609 where Lonnie analyzes how Batman works, and it makes Lonnie and Bruce's similarities and differences extremely stark. It's one of my favorite parts of Lonnie's two-part comic debut).

At any rate, I bring all this up to establish that, as a baseline, Lonnie's character tends to call into question understood norms. Lonnie himself is a subversion of many thought-to-be-truths. Anarchism itself does the same thing. By that idea alone, there is already a baseline for defying things like the gender binary, assigned gender at birth, and expected gender roles and presentation.

With that in mind, I'm going to get into some specific moments that really solidify the many possibilities for a trans headcanon for this character! (I myself headcanon Lonnie as nonbinary, but there's arguments that can made for any identity under the trans umbrella, which is what this essay will argue for!).

The first point I want to make is about Lonnie's first Anarky costume. This one:

I chose this specific drawing of the costume because it's on the cover of Lonnie's debut comic, which means that this is the very first instance of Lonnie that many people ever saw. It also shows very well the aspects of this costume that I want to talk about.

We've got the hat with the circle-A, which draws attention to it by how much it stands out. We have the massive, flowing cloak. And we have the absence of a visible face. I'm gonna talk about each of those in turn.

The Hat - the hat's main purpose is to show you exactly who and what Lonnie aligns with as Anarky. The name isn't just for show; the circled-A, according to its real-world meaning, summarizes how order can found through anarchy, a theory that Lonnie is an adamant believer in, and defender of. Anarky is announcing for you who Anarky is. Think about gender presentation now, and what quick, shorthand ways we use to try and present as our desired gender (not just male, female, nonbinary, but also a flower, the color blue, a certain aesthetic that cultivates gender euphoria-- there's as many genders as we have the imagination to create!) Right away, we are already being shown a person that Lonnie wants you to think of him as.

The Cloak (warning for a mention of dysphoria and body image here) - This cloak is huge and billowing and closed, so there is nothing that you can see beneath it; it's all draped red fabric with no form or shape. It honestly makes me think of dysphoria hoodies, and how they can be protective and comfortable because they hide one's body. And in fact, this is exactly why Lonnie chose this cloak: it hides his frame. In the comic, it's implied to be because Lonnie is a young teenager, and he wants others to think that he's an adult, so that they'll listen to him, but the way I see it: it also serves to hide Lonnie's gender. Anarky is a reflection of the common people, and is determined to be their amplifier. Anarky being of an indeterminate gender is one further way that Anarky could relate to the people that Lonnie is trying to uplift.

The Mask (warning for a mention of deadnames in this section)- In this cover, it's drawn in shadow, but in the comic itself, we see that Anarky wears a gold, full-face mask. It completely obscures any identifying features on Lonnie's face. (As a nonbinary person, myself... what a mood). This is because Lonnie does not want Lonnie to be recognized as a voice of the people, but Anarky. In Anarky (1997), Lonnie explains that he does not care who Batman is under the mask, because Batman is the figure he's concerned with. I argue that this can be applied to Anarky, too. The point of Anarky is that the people can find strength and power through this figure, as I've said probably too many times now. Repetition for emphasis! Gotta love that English Lit degree. Anyway, this is very important because it's the same as the Spider-Man effect: anyone could be Spider-Man. Anyone could be Anarky. Now, what I mean by "Anyone could be Anarky," is that anyone could be wearing that mask. Something that I find extremely fascinating is that Lonnie reportedly does not care about how others think of him-- yet, he does protect Anarky's reputation. I think that this is because, the moment that the common people no longer feel safe around Anarky, is the moment that Anarky can no longer exist the way that Anarky is supposed to. When that presentation, when that self, is damaged by the others around it, what can we do but feel as if we have to defend it, even if we don't really care how others think of us? There's a lack of attention of Lonnie Machin, but there is an overabundance of attention on Anarky (see: Shadow of the Bat #41, where Lonnie signs a letter as Anarky, claiming that "Lonnie Machin" is the alias). This calls to attention the idea of deadnames. If Anarky is the desired presentation and identity, then it could be said that Lonnie acts as the deadname.

Now, if you're not totally regretting asking yet, let's move on to point #2! The second costume!

This one will be quicker: The main idea I want to get across here is that once again, we're seeing rapid declarations of identity with the large circle-A on the chest, and that we've still retained the lack of identifying features.

(Second warning for assumptions of someone's gender. Another warning as well that if you read the comic mentioned below, the comment that the reporter makes is presented to be a joke, which I do believe was made in poor taste. Please proceed with caution, and take care of yourself if you choose to read it <3).

What's significant to me about this costume is what happens in Young Justice: Sins of Youth #1. Anarky attends a rally for young heroes, and the reporter commenting on the event doesn't recognize all of the heroes present, and so has to rely on extremely vague assumptions about the characters. It's the specific assumption that this reporter makes that intrigues me: The reporter assumes that Anarky is a woman. Based on what we've been discussing so far, this tells me, personally, that what I think Lonnie is trying to do with Anarky's costume is working. It's difficult to figure out anything about Anarky as a person, and so the people looking at Anarky try to guess. It's even more significant to me that this happens after we lose the shapeless cloak. Even without the cover that that cloak gave, Anarky still has no identifying features beyond what Lonnie wants you to see.

(Warning for violence, bodily harm, torture, and transphobic comments in this next section. No pictures will be shown. We are still discussing expectation and perception of one's gender that may cause dysphoria as well. Please proceed with caution, and take care of yourself <3).

Another significant piece of this costume for me is that in an encounter with Ra's al Ghul, the circle-A on the costume serves as the inspiration for a form of torture, wherein the circle-A is cut into Lonnie's chest. It's taking a piece of Lonnie's identity presentation and forcibly making it a part of his body. I bring this up because I think that it's important to discuss the idea of presentation being forced upon us. Even after someone comes out, we are still held to certain expectations of how we present our chosen identities.

Another example of expectation in Lonnie's own experiences is how Shadow of the Bat #40-41 raises the notion that Lonnie was expected to become the All-American Boy by his parents. He's told that he's outside of what he was "supposed" to be: he doesn't play baseball, he should have been a doctor or a lawyer, and he reads things that are seen as abnormal (leftist political theory).

Lonnie expresses in a letter that he writes in #41 that he hopes that one day, his parents will be proud of him, and he calls himself their son. This is note-worthy because he is fulfilling part of the role that his parents placed on him ("boy"), but he also admits in this letter that he knows that he cannot be what they want him to be. He asks that they are the ones who transform their thinking, to accept him as he is, not as they want him to be. This is also the letter which he uses to fake the death of Lonnie Machin, so that he can work full-time as Anarky. This letter reads as a parallel to a coming out letter, in my opinion. (Transphobia warning) It also lines up with this specific notion that certain parents of trans children have expressed before, which is that it feels as though the kid they knew from birth is dying or dead. As someone whose parents expressed that idea to me, I do not support telling your child this, as it's rooted in transphobia, but it is significant to me that this is something we see in a situation that strongly mirrors what Lonnie is doing in the comics.

My third point that I'd like to bring up is extremely short, but it has to do with that A scar, so warnings for blood and bodily harm in the images that you will see if you click on the links provided. I'm providing links, so that anyone who wants to read this still can, but can opt in to seeing images of a bloody injury.

Lonnie, particularly in Anarky (1999), is drawn in parallel to two women in classic art.

Lonnie + Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind

Lonnie + Ophelia

Lonnie Ophelia + Bruce Ophelia (supplementary)

These parallels do not feel accidental to me-- especially the one with Truth.

It's noteworthy to me that Lonnie Machin is almost always drawn with long hair. Now, anyone can have long hair, of course, but when you look at the All-American Boy expectation, and then you look back to how Lonnie looks even out of the Anarky costume, I think there's something to be said there about how even Lonnie Machin subverts gender expectation.

Now, since this has already gotten longer than I ever meant for it to be, I'm going to stop here for now, since these are the main points that I wanted to cover in discussing the trans umbrella headcanon for Lonnie!

I want to close just by saying that all headcanons are valid for this character, and so I don't intend to imply that anyone who reads this HAS to feel the way that I do. This is just how I see and read Lonnie's character/comics, and it brings me a lot of joy, particularly as someone who relates heavily to a lot of Lonnie's experiences in the trans parallel experience kind of way. I love this character to pieces, and it brings me nothing but happiness to share him with you and anyone else who read this far. So I'll also say, to anyone reading this: thank you so much for hearing me out!! It means a lot. I hope that you took caution and care in reading about some of these topics, since I know firsthand how hard they can be to experience, so do something nice for yourself today! Take some time to breathe, slow down, and enjoy a nice treat or two. You've earned it!

And if this essay has convinced you to read more about Lonnie Machin: welcome to the autonomous Machin collective! We're happy to have you here! <3

[pregnancykink]

this is a bit of a personal question, so i understand if you don’t want to answer! as someone who’s transmasc but fem i struggle to explain to others & rationalize myself why i feel more strongly aligned w/ fem men than fem women. it’s had me wondering whether i really am transmasc. i know that you as a transmasc are fem presenting & that you’re interested in pregnancy so i wanted to hear your take on it.

how do you differentiate between being a cis fem woman and a trans fem man? how does it “feel” different to you to be transmasc, and change how you see yourself? seeing your confidence in your photos and your comfort with your gender has been immensely helpful for me and it’d mean a lot if i could get your thoughts on this! :) pls answer if you feel comfortable

Hey anon! I’m extremely touched that me posting and stuff has helped you out🥺

I think first of all is that I try NOT to rationalize myself to people — I (we) don’t need to! One of the most important things a friend told me is “I don’t need you to get it or understand, I just need you to respect me.” This has especially been helpful with people like my parents who I genuinely think would get it more if I were a binary trans man lol. But they don’t have to get it! They just need to respectfully try to use my pronouns and say stuff like “my child” instead of “my daughter.”

Secondly, it’s important to remember that everyone’s gender journey is their own. It can be really hard to not get bogged down especially in this age of social media. Like I was posting about yesterday — it gets me down that I’m not so confident in HRT like a lot of people I know are! But also — and I know I’m immensely lucky for this — most of my friends are also trans and are very supportive of me and my identity which is very helpful. When I feel “less” trans I know that’s me projecting and not anybody making me feel that way.

Re: differentiating — I don’t see myself as a cis fem woman because I’m not! That sounds so stupidly simple but it really is. When I think of calling myself a woman I get this icky feeling all over. I don’t think this means I can’t connect to womanhood. I personally DO feel like I was a girl who later blossomed (lol) into a dude. I went through a lot of stuff as a girl that I still connect with. Doesn’t mean the trans shit wasn’t always there. Now that I know, I see a lot of egg moments in my younger self. But I still connect with my girlhood. A lot of trans people were always that gender and that’s awesome. I don’t feel that way, and that’s also okay. A great phrase I use a lot is “one person’s dysphoria is another’s euphoria.”

That all said — identifying with fem men over fem women definitely speaks to you identifying with masculinity. I think masculinity can be whatever you make it. Sometimes I feel so masc when I have a full face and super revealing dress on! I get it though, it sucks when people don’t see you how you are. And it can be a bummer to constantly correct people. It does get me down a lot. I think I take a lot of comfort in surrounding myself with people who respect me — I know this is easier said than done but I really recommend trying to get involved in your local queer community if at all possible, and if not finding people online.

Re: my presentation — I never felt like I was born in the wrong body or anything like that, I have way more social dysphoria. I don’t like that I’m seen as a woman walking down the street. I don’t like that when guys hit on me at the bar it’s 99% of the time because they think I’m just an alt girl. But I don’t want to change to fit what others perceive. I like my boobs! I like my pussy! I like my curves! And I think really trying to overcome the “this body type/presentation = woman” thing in your head is HARD but necessary. I totally get why others want top, bottom, etc. That’s their way of feeling more aligned with their gender and that’s fantastic. For me…it isn’t. Really trying to view these things as neutral is hard but necessary.

Same with pregnancy. Now I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl (see!) and now that I’m a grown man/masc/person that hasn’t changed. I really really view pregnancy as a neutral. It’s something my body can do and I want to do it. Society equates this (and wanting this — but there ARE cis men who want to be pregnant too! People of every gender!) with being a woman but working to remember and surrounding yourself with people who know it’s a neutral can be helpful. That’s another thing like…I would consider myself a mother. Some transmascs who choose to give birth may want to be called a father or another term. I view these terms as neutral in my head. Like gender identity it’s whatever feels right to YOU.

Whoever you identify with that makes YOU feel good is valid — like I know the word valid has been overused on the Internet but I really mean it. Like Joan Jett is on my gender moodboard as much as Kellan Lutz in Twilight. I really found comfort in finding my own style, which I describe as jock/goth (joth) lol and so playing around with that has been helpful. If fem men are how you feel connected to your masculinity — then hell yes! With stuff like makeup…I like makeup! That’s a value neutral! I like the artistry and playing around with it. I have to work to remember that it isn’t an inherently cisfem thing.

Unfortunately a lot of my coping is self-validation (and luckily, from my friends too) and believing that society will catch up.

I know this was SUPER rambly but my coping mechanism has been fake it till you make it from the time I was a 9 year old being bullied in 4th grade and it still is. If you act confident the confidence will come…

Idk how helpful this was but I hope it was a bit!

Btw — if you feel transmasc, then you are :) it’s as simple as that!

[genderqueerdykes]

Genuine question, I saw a screenshot of one of your posts, and how can some trans people get euphoria from not passing? I thought to be trans you had to have some form of gender dysphoria, gender euphoria, or both. I don't mean any malice with this question, I'm just trying to understand perspectives outside my own. I've never heard of trans people getting euphoria from not passing and I would like to learn more!

i appreciate you taking the time to ask!

dysphoria is not required to be trans! i that doesn't really make much sense. i don't know where people have gotten that from over time. i think people might be getting confused with the diagnostic criteria for Gender Identity Disorder, which is not required to be trans and is pretty outdated, if you ask me. we don't have to pathologize transness to accept the validity of the experience. being trans just means identifying as a gender that differs from your assigned gender at birth, dysphoria is not a required part of the experience.

misery is not inherent to the experience for every trans person. the discomfort that comes from being misgendered is crushing and evading it is very important to some of us- but some of us simply do not care what others think about us or how they address us, and for some of us, being addressed incorrectly gives us power. some trans people just literally don't care about being misgendered, or don't view it as entirely inaccurate.

for me, confusing people is part of the experience. as someone who doesn't have a sex or gender to "pass" as, i enjoy my niche of being a funky little gender shapeshifter who nobody can seem to figure out what they are. = ) it's fun! try it some time. i literally got the most gender euphoria i've ever received in my life when someone came up to me and addressed me by "Sir? ....... Ma'am?? .... Look, I'm sorry, I can't tell."

the only "criteria" for being trans is identifying as a gender that differs from your AGAB. the rest of the experience is up to the individual trans person. some trans people may never ever get gender euphoria- many people don't! many trans people don't experience dysphoria OR euphoria and simply just have moments of gentle realization. it's not always a life-consuming experience- some trans people don't even transition! some of us do. it really just depends on the individual

some people don't have a gender to pass as- some people are nonbinary, genderqueer, crossdressers, drag performers, genderfuckers, genderfluid and gender non conforming people or have "other" genders that you can't "pass" as. hell, most of the point of genderqueer and gender non conforming identities IS to "look trans" and not pass. some people just don't care if they pass at all. i don't care if i pass, because i never will due to being intersex. there's nothing to pass as, no matter how i've tried to gender myself, it's always "wrong" in the eyes of greater society because i'm "too manly" to be a girl but "can't be a guy".

genderfuckers, nonbinary people, neutrois people, genderqueer people, gender non conforming people, and any binary trans man or woman who don't pass and don't care about passing are just as trans as anyone else. every trans person who "doesn't pass" doesn't take away from those who have to for their own safety and survival- there's as many ways to be trans as there are people on this planet! it doesn't help to force every single trans person into a box of "you have to meet all of these check boxes Or Else" and it really doesn't help to enforce the idea that trans people Have to be miserable in order to Earn their transness.

hope that helps! take care, and have a great day =)

[makirenton]

Okay, so I have been thinking why I enjoy Heartstopper so much as a 30yo. I’m obviously not the target audience and I have to say I made myself try not to enjoy it, because I’m so tired of the discourse that at my age I’m old and I need to idk, go have kids or a promotion. I saw a post about how great it is there is a storyline about queer teachers to show “old queers can be happy too” Yeah, that really made me feel great, thanks.

Honestly, I think all of this is because my generation didn’t really get to be kids. We were forced to grow up so fast, even our “teenage entertainment” was like… Skins & Misfits (yeah, I know there is Euphoria now, but that’s typical mid 20s and up actors playing teenagers, in Skins, they were actually teenagers). We didn’t look at 25,30,35 yos as old, we were shown left and right that that’s what we should be acting like, who we should befriend etc. Don’t want to go into how that caused A TON of really terrible situations and trauma.

I don’t feel like an “old queer” but at the same time, my first pride was 15 years ago and it was the first one in the Czech Republic, they threw rocks at us, pepper sprayed us and ganged up on a bunch of teenagers. So my first pride ended up with me in an ambulance. My last pride was a couple of weeks ago and I got to see a surprise performance by one if my most fav artists amongst hundreds if not thousands of people and I felt safe.

I swear I’m getting to my point… Growing up queer has changed so much. On one hand you have me, my mother now allowing sleepovers because she once found me with a friend, who happened to be a girl, in the same bed. On the other you have my much younger brother who came out as trans and is accepted and loved completely (we have different mums).

I hated myself and it took years to be comfortable with who I am. People talk about healing your inner child, but honestly, I need to mainly heal my inner teenager and I have been on that journey for some time now, it’s not easy. So yeah, that’s probably why I enjoy Heartstopper so much, because I never had anything like that growing up.

Thanks for coming to my pointless ted talk where I’m trying to convince myself it’s okay to like a fucking tv show even though there are way too many people trying to make me feel bad about it.

[something-about-sunflowers]

No tags and a read-more cause I’m complaining about some dumb shit

Does it need to go into the tag? I made a similar post (albeit with a different flavor) about taking issue with people assuming gender interpretations of characters a while back but I also fully acknowledged that it was a ‘me’ problem and kept it out of the tags. AND kept it under a read-more since it was a long post (handy if you’re gonna go for the tl;dr AND the full long explanation in the same post, put the long bit under a read-more please).

Like. Okay, yeah, its shitty that people are tagging you with things that are giving you dysphoria, that’s not cool, and maybe we could get better about tagging it (though that idea does squick me a bit considering its touching a little on ‘can you tag [a literal queer identity] because that triggers me’ which. not like. super great?) but bringing it to the tag to complain about is just gonna make those of us that DO find gender euphoria in seeing Izzy as trans masc feel shitty about it.

Like, maybe just try blocking those of us who post about it? That’s what I do with trans fem Ed people, cause its not their problem its mine.

Also there’s nothing wrong with Con playing Izzy when trans Izzy is a HEADCANON. Its not canon, none of us are saying its canon, Con isn’t saying its canon when he shows his support for it. There’s no issue with him playing a trans man on tv because he ISN’T playing a trans man on tv.

Nobody IS saying every trans man is into a trans masc Izzy. We make jokes about how WE forget he’s cis because WE trans him so often but those jokes literally hinge on us knowing that OTHER people don’t always headcanon him as trans? You could have made this post 3000% less confrontational by just asking people not to tag you in those headcanons because it makes you dysphoric, all this extra stuff is just gonna make other people feel bad about how THEY identify with the character.

As for the whole uh. Wildly off-topic rant at the end there about menopause uh. Well.

1. While it might benefit trans dudes to look into how their body will change as they get older that’s not really something you go to fanfic for.

2. This is fanfic of a show where getting literally run-through on the left side of your body is a walk-off-able injury because ‘all the important bits are on the right’, nobody is really shooting for medical accuracy. We’re letting Roach chop titties off as a safe and sane form of top surgery. With a meat cleaver.

3. Fanfic is not sex ed. Fanfic is not sex ed. Fanfic is not sex ed. Its all well and good to say ‘I prefer the sex in my fic to be more realistic’ but not everybody wants that and not everybody enjoys that. Boat (lol) loads of lube is a fine thing to prefer/ask for but sometimes its just REALLY HOT if the pussy is 'making puddles’ all on its own accord.

[cyrasblogproject2022]

4: Jules (Euphoria)

Euphoria is a show known for expressing the storylines of each of its characters in depth throughout its theatrical, dramatized, episodes. Whether or not it does a good job in doing so is up for debate, however, it does do well in terms of representing different identities. Jules Vaughn is one of the few characters on the show that express intersectionality, being both trans and queer. Throughout the show, we see Jules as someone who is very fluid in her gender expression and sexuality, and her character as well as the rest of the show overall does not use labels explicitly. However, her experience as a trans woman and queer relationships go hand in hand to show the overlapping struggles of her intersectional identity.

Jules is introduced to the show as the new girl, and this trope fits her personality very well. She moves to a new town, and keeps herself mysterious, and is always on her toes, finding new people to meet and new things to do. However, her carefree nature does not overshadow the issues she faces, particularly in the first season (I will argue to my grave that the second season failed to give her character the attention she deserves). At the very beginning of the show, we see Jules strive for male validation, using hookup apps to appeal to men who would fetishize her transness and femininity. Jules' fluidity would be manipulated by the men she meets on the app, Nate's dad in particular, as they only see her as something taboo, and don't see her for the woman she is. When Nate begins his own fascination with Jules, he sees her as something otherworldly and doesn't really see her as equal to other girls like Maddy. It is unclear whether or not Jules is aware that she is being taken advantage of to fulfill the fantasies of the men she pursues, but we do know that she craves the attention she gets either way. This could be due to her traumatic childhood in which her mother was unaccepting of her transition, and therefore Jules seeks out (sometimes older) sexual partners to fill the hole. This plot point is mainly reliant on her gender expression, however, when tying in her sexuality, there is a lot to say about Jules' commitment issues and need for spontaneity.

Jules has an on again off again relationship with Rue, who, like Jules, never explicitly labels her sexuality. Jules' character experiences a lot of the same hypersexualization I discussed in my blog post about Darren from Heartbreak High. A lot of trans or gender non-conforming characters in media are oversexualized, and Jules is not an exception. It is because of this treatment of her character that she can never really settle down in a relationship with Rue, which causes a strain on their relationship. Being bottled up for so long has caused Jules to crave new things and new people constantly, which is something that scares Rue who only is interested in Jules. Neither perspective is better than the other, but it just shows how their different pasts, and different identities because of their pasts lead to different preferences for relationships.

On a more positive note, Jules' intersectional identity allows for a beautiful character who is unapologetically herself. She is happy with the fluidity of her gender and sexuality, and how they intertwine with each other. Jules is not tied down by any given label and even explores not conforming to any gender in the show's special episodes and second season, a great contrast to her struggle to achieve femininity in season one. Many people overlook Jules' special episode in between the two seasons, but I think it provides a great outlook on how identity is fluid and everchanging. In what I think is the most well-written scene of the season, Jules expresses to her therapist that she wants to feel, "as beautiful as the ocean". She is alive, and not bound to femininity or fragility or the male gaze.

What I really like about Euphoria is that it talks about the issues teens deal with regarding gender and sexuality, without explicitly putting labels on the characters, allowing anyone to relate to their experiences. Jules is one example of how anybody exploring their gender and sexuality can find solace in her character's journey.

[cepheusgalaxy]

I... something's weird

My mom started using the pronouns I asked her to a while ago... and it doesn't feel right? Like, probably it is because I'm not that used to it so I need a period of adaptation... but what if it's not? Like, my disphoria did't come that much from pronouns but I still don't wanna use she/her... or do I? Do I really wanna use he/him or I'm just going along with the "boy = he/him" logic??? I've tried they/them some times too... but it felt so bad. But thinking of it now, it may be becaude I always heard it with sarcasm? As a joke. As an insult. I also love my mom, and I know she's trying to help... but she keeps reminding me that its hard to keep up when I change pronouns and it makes me feel guilty... I've kept he/him for now because I thought that's what I wanted? But I'm not sure anymore. And regarding my name... I know I've chosen Heron but is it really the right one? Like... I didn't mind it much but lately i've been feeling so annoyed at it... It's a fine name and I liked it even but not anymore. I guess that's normal? I kind of hate it when certain people use it. And i like these people, a lot. But then theres my dad... He calls me by this name with such affection and I don't feel uncorfotable at all. Every time he calls me I think of that. Should I really change my name at all? I don't wanna hear that hesitation my mom has when she calls me a he. I still like it when my dad calls me by my birthname. Should I change names and have just him call me by that? Should I give up on Heron? Maybe I shouldn't even be worrying about that. I only figured that I was trans a few months ago... it hasn't even been a year. People take a lot of time to figure out that. But I don't wanna wait.

I know I'm trans, but am I in the way I thought I was? I usually have a first thought regarding a thing but then I dismiss it. And all the time I end up coming to that same first conclusion. When I first started questioning I went with lots of "complex" nonbinary genders, what if I was right? Maybe I'm more genderfucked than I first thought.

But I guess I'm afraid too. I'm afraid of labelling myself and exploring because people won't get it. And I know I shouldn't be tinking about anyone but ME when it comes to that but I can't... I'm not exactly out in school. Some of my friends know I have something going on and i "look" kinda queer but I just left things with a "yea im a little bit gay maybe" and I can't help but think that if I label myself with a weird gender nobody will get it and ill just feel even more misunderstood.

I know I'm masc. But how much?

Where does my disphoria comes from? Where does my euphoria comes from? I wish I had the answers and why is it so hard to choose a name

Perhaps I should go with something longer. I also kinda like "international" names. Maybe something with 'a'? To match my birthname. I still like it. Even tho I hate it.

Avalon? Idk what kind of name is this but it sounds great. Amy? Amelie? Is it fine by me if I go by a gendered name? Why is it so hard?

I wish I knew more people like me. Personally. I just feel so lonely. I like to be alone a lot of the time but sometimes I just feel like im never with anyone that gets it. Sometimes I feel like im kind of a bad friend because--along other reasons (im terrible at comforting people or helping when theyre upset...)--sometimes i don't really wanna hang out with them because we barely share any interests. I have this one friend i love to hang out wit because we share the same passions and can do nothing or anythimg together but with my other friends-i like them sm but we don't really connect. They keep saying im gifted or somethinf cuz i can draw, they never shut up about how im oh-so great with art and i do a doodle and theyre like "OH wow what a masterpiece" and im doing an illustration for the sake of it, to feel good for making art, to make my world a little prettier with the colors i chose, decorating my homework or whatever and they all "woah you didn't have to humiliate us" every time! Its annoying! I hate it! We don't share anything, they like doing things that are not completely my thing-i mostly do them for the sake of hanging out with them because i always have such a great time-they have lifes completely different from mine and available at different times. Do you know that "you didn't really have a childhood if you didn't do x or y" meme? I HATE it. Cuz i didn't do x or y. It makes me feel so dismissed. So different. And most of my friends DID do x and y so i don't share that with them. I'm just so tired of being different all the time. I wish I was surrounded by more people like me. Maybe this will sound really gen z but idk what i'd do without social media. I'd prob feel even worse.

And my friends have struggles so different from mine. They don't have nice homes. They had such a troubled childhood. They had different joys too. They had sleepovers, childhood friends they grew up close to and still are close friends to this day and are so comfortable around each other and always went to the same school. I didn't really have this kind of friend because my mom didn't know in what school to put me at the time so i never stayed in one school for more than one year. My most was 2. And they're all cishet. They're all allo-i mean, exept from one. And i am so afraid for her. She goes around using she/her, once she told she'd like to go by he/him, we talked about gender sometimes and we saw that she liked the bigender label but her family is super religious and her therapist is also from her church and does "spiritual healing as well as mental" and she said she was over being bi because christians shouldn' be bi and--anyways i... and i don't know how to help my friends and they have so many problems and they don't know how to help me and i don't really talk about my problems with them and i don't know if i trust then enough to... share it all and i just wish i had more queer friends and people who understood me because i always feel so unseen ;( and lonely. And miserable.

And my mom-i just, and my dad, they are divorced but they keep bringing each other up and long story short theyre driving ne crazy they don't like each other but they can never get along and they keep dragging me and my siblings to their long ENDLESS conversations about the other one and im SO DONE I JUST WISH THEY COULD IGNORE EACH OTHER AND COLABORATE

And were traveling-my siblings me and my mom and everytime we do she always plans out everything but she doesnt really gives us freedom to have free chill time when we're there because everything is just so tightly scheduled planned and thats something really minor but i really need free chill MY tine EVERY DAY to recharge, even if it is from fun, to write, draw, read, do whatever i want-and me and my mom have ideas of fun so different and UGH

And she keeps calling me he and she is technically being supportive and avoiding misgendering me but WHY DO I FEEL SO UNCONFORTABLE?? And i shouldn't be mad at her because she is technically doing the right thing but :( i need to figure things out for myelf, find a support group because I REALLY need to surround with my kind and then tell her how it turns out for me.

I just-it's so hard being fourteen, when will this stop?

[uter-us]

Hello! I saw your post asking how trans people would define a woman, and gender in general. First I just wanted to say thank you for trying to understand different perspectives, in my experience I've not found many people on the internet who actively seek out the opinions of people they generally disagree with. So I genuinely appreciate that you're trying to understand us better.

But I would define "woman" as one of the two binary genders, which is typically but not always associated with being biologically female. And similarly "man" is the other binary gender, typically associated with being biologically male. But obviously that's just my opinion and it's true that a lot of people disagree on what they mean. And I think when a trans woman says that she identifies as a woman, what that really means is that she's just more comfortable being seen as a woman, and she feels a sort of kinship with other women despite maybe having experiences that are different than them. Same goes for trans men.

As for what gender itself is, I would say that it's socially constructed categories (because humans really like to categorize things, even ourselves). That's why different cultures sometimes recognize different genders beyond woman and man, and many cultures have such different gender norms.

I'm sorry for this being so long, and I'm sorry for sending it in an anonymous ask. It's just what I feel most comfortable with right now, which I hope you can understand. But, yeah, thank you for trying to seek out different perspectives. It seems that you're actually genuinely trying to learn more about the experiences of trans people and I really appreciate that. I hope you have a good day!

hey!! i appreciate your response so much!! youre very nice, and i appreciate you too for trying to understand other perspectives through reaching out :))

also please keep in mind i haven't slept in 24ish hrs which is a long time for me so this is more of a ramble than very succinct 👍

since it's through anon ask it might be a bit tricky to get your responses, but if you end up feeling like responding, i'm sure we'll figure something out haha but i am gonna ask some questions !

And I think when a trans woman says that she identifies as a woman, what that really means is that she's just more comfortable being seen as a woman, and she feels a sort of kinship with other women despite maybe having experiences that are different than them. Same goes for trans men.

okay so i see you point to two things that make a trans woman a woman and a trans man a man. the first one is about wanting to be perceived as either a man/woman. I am under the impression that what you are describing is some level of dysphoria, (or maybe more euphoria ?), but correct me if i'm wrong. I am gonna point you to these three versions of that post for a more thorough response w questions this definition or partial definition prompts-- the posts are kinda lengthy so be warned! but you can skim (if youd like) for the parts referring to perception and dysphoria. (again, working off little sleep so the links are a great help. but if you are having trouble finding anything lemme know and i will help!!)

curious what your thoughts are there!

the second part is about having a kinship with other women/men despite having different experiences. this idea is one i don't hear as often! if im working w the understanding that kinship means a strong (family-like) relationship, is that really enough to warrant a role in defining who is a woman/man? like there are people who fit both of these rules (increased+significant comfortability w perception plus feeling they have a kinship w said group), and we can still recognize they don't belong in that group. in my personal opinion that isn't enough for defining a woman/man (especially legally!)

As for what gender itself is, I would say that it's socially constructed categories (because humans really like to categorize things, even ourselves). That's why different cultures sometimes recognize different genders beyond woman and man, and many cultures have such different gender norms.

im so sorry im being super lazy and tired, but in the posts i linked i talk about genders beyond woman and man, different cultures' gender norms, some questions about what gender as a social construct means to yall (vs the radfem perspective), and ultimately the role that plays in this type of conversation, so im gonna point you there again haha. if you want me to elaborate on anything dont hesitate to lemme know!

I'm sorry for this being so long, and I'm sorry for sending it in an anonymous ask. It's just what I feel most comfortable with right now, which I hope you can understand. But, yeah, thank you for trying to seek out different perspectives. It seems that you're actually genuinely trying to learn more about the experiences of trans people and I really appreciate that. I hope you have a good day!

no need to apologize for your boundaries!! an anonymous ask works great :) and i apologize for the lack of sleep interfering w my response, i hope it wasn't disappointing!! still i hope my posts provide some insight too, but more importantly i really hope you check out the questions because i promise my goal isn't to j stand on my soapbox or info dump, i really appreciate any and all feedback/responses-- feel free to send another ask (if you feel up to any response!)

i really appreciate your message!! the kinship aspect was the most eye opening for me because i find it relatively uncommon to hear in my experience. your fresh perspective is well worth reading! thank you! be so safe and take sm care 🫶🫶🫶 (and lemme know if theres something i missed you want further clarification/comment/question on!)

[vizthedatum]

My "living journals"

When you've been discarded or thrown aside for as much as I've been, then you know that it can be very hard to ever feel like you'd ever be holistically loved or wanted, just for being you. It's almost like you develop this almost pathological (I mean, let's be real, it is pathological) kink for not being wanted, for always doing the chasing... for chasing for what you can't have because you're not worth it anyway.

I used to call these people I'd chase: "living journals" Ever since I was in elementary school, I have had great intuition and a knack for picking out the people who were interested in me just enough (maybe to raise their own self-esteem, maybe for sex, maybe to make fun of me, stuff like that) to let me keep talking to them but not enough to really include me in their life in any meaningful way. So not enough to be friends or lovers or partners. Certainly not enough for them to share anything about themselves (most of these people were laughably emotionally unavailable). One of my high school "living journals" dared me to kill myself one time. I was trying to tell him how suicidal I was. I adored him. I told him so much about myself because I needed someone to listen and bear witness. He thought I was silly. I wanted him. I wanted his life, I wanted to be his gf, I wanted his academic success, I wanted his so-called wisdom. But ugh, he had so many red flags obviously - he was a spoiled Asian kid who was too old for me at the time, trying to philosophically debate suicidality with someone who had been chronically abused and was depressed with hormonal issues (and was a closeted queer and trans person, on top of that). He talked the big talk, but he had no idea where I was coming from. We could bond over the angst of Linkin Park lyrics, but he never could conceive the real angst of my life and my body. AND! and most importantly, he... didn't... like... me.

And I just can't help myself. It feels so so so so so so so painful. And then, just a tiny bit of euphoria from that pain - which makes me (and, I imagine, other abuse survivors who experience this) feel so fucking messed up.

To be clear, these "living journals" aren't necessarily doing anything wrong (hah) - but also to be clear, do they know? Do they know that someone is chasing after them to their own detriment because they can't help themselves, desperately looking for a deeper connection (where a deeper connection could never and would never exist)? Yeah of course. Fuckers just like feeling good about themselves, regardless of how it hurts the other person. They'll stop if you tell them to - most of them are not rapists. But they can tell what you're doing is not healthy, and if an explicit boundary or consent isn't being violated, they'll let you continue. Because they hold no investment in your life -- they.do.not.care.about.you.

They don't care! So if you're hurting - they only superficially understand. They can't connect with you - they refuse to.

Because remember, they don't want you truly in their life anyway, so why bother? You're just [a sexual release, a glorified calculator, a place to info dump, a person giving them their dopamine hits, an interesting story, etc.].

--

I've had several living journals in my life. My life story is strewn across those journals and past lovers, throughout time... it's all so interesting: I am splayed out like that in the minds of people who aren't in my life anymore.

--

It's really great that life doesn't have to be that way anymore. I don't want to go down the "living journal" rabbit hole again. The damage does remain though.