#but at this point ill take anything lel

[neptunechromo]

Welcome to my blog!!!

hi im neptune, you can also call me chromo

I use he/him pronouns and im 19

I draw and crochet and have fun and yay and yahoo (my art tag is "#my art" ill probably come up with something more original later lel)

I don't really have a DNI or anything, just please be kind and respectful 👍

This account is technically multifandom, but as of rn im VERY fixated on objects shows (mostly inanimate insanity) so keep this in mind!

I REALLY like tacocase, and think tacomic is cool, I know that's a point of contention for a lot of folks so dont follow if seeing that is gonna make you uncomfortable! take care of yourself!

I wanna keep this account mostly positive, so you likely wont see any hate on specific ships and stuff. I can be pretty critical of inanimate insanity invitational though so also keep this in mind

ok, i think that's it, byeeee ^_^

[mmaroon]

.

[aterimber]

On The Pyre

Request from ianneart: Hi! I got a samifer fic idea in mind (lel). Im currently watching season 6 in supernatural and i  saw this interesting thing sam said about hallucinating lucifer to bobby : “seeing Lucifer is…okay. I sorta think it’s the best scenario situation of them all.”

And my samiferness got jump started like nobody’s business. I imagine it like a one-shot, sam-centric pondering of sorts, where sam takes us through his mind and manages to convince us Lucifer’s company is…okay.

I’m so sorry this is late! I hope you enjoy the fic regardless.

Started: 16.04.29

Finished: 19.03.15

Words: 2,146

Samifer, Hallucifer

------------------

“You’re sure you’ll be okay here by yourself?” Dean threw his duffle over his shoulder and paused in the doorway, not wanting to leave his mentally ill brother.

“Dean, I’m fine.”

“Yeah Dean, we’re gonna have a great time,” Lucifer jumped up from his spot on the couch to stand beside the hunter and winked.

What the hell are you doing?

The blonde frowned, “What Sammy? Oh right... you don’t like when I talk in front of Big Bro.”

The younger man tried to hide his confusion and focused on his brother.

Dean scrubbed a hand down his face, “I left my number on the fridge. Call if anything... happens.”

“Will do,” Sam nodded, “Now go give those sons-of-bitches what’s coming to them.”

While he was grateful for his brother’s protectiveness, he didn’t understand his lack of confidence in him, he’d been alone plenty of times before without issue.

“But you aren’t truly alone now,” Lucifer wrapped a possessive hand around the giant’s arm, “Besides, it’s not like having me here is the real problem,” he stroked it tenderly, “right Sammy?”

Focus... Sam ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to block out the words.

With a regretful look back to his brother, Dean nodded and headed out.

“Finally... I thought he’d never leave,” Lucifer clapped the hunter on the shoulder as he closed the door.

He does like to worry. Wait, what are you doing? Don’t let him in, Sam heard the Impala take off as he made his way to the couch.

“Well, now that we’re alone...” Lucifer waggled his eyebrows and straddled the hunter.

“What the fuck,” the giant jumped up and took a couple steps backward.

“Sam,” the blonde gave him a curious look as he picked himself up off the floor, “we’ve done this before you know.”

“No we haven’t,” the hunter had the nerve to look appalled, much to the devil’s amusement.

As if he doesn’t remember it was his idea... He brushed himself off and analysed the hunter, “Sam, do you... ,” he struggled to find the words, not wanting to give something away that he wasn’t ready to hear, “You remember what happened in the cage, don’t you?”

“Of course I remember,” he crossed his arms and cocked his head, “why do you ask?” And why do you sound so... hurt?

Lucifer shifted his gaze down to the floor as he worked out how to continue, “So then you... remember? W-what we did?”

“Damn right I remember what you did to me you son-of-a-bitch,” he couldn’t help but notice the flinch the blonde gave at his tone, Pfftt, please Sam... as if the devil is scared of you, get real.

“No,” Lucifer closed his eyes and sighed before he locked gazes with the hunter, “Do you remember what we did?”

“What do you-”

“In the cage, yes you were tortured, but never by my own hand,” the explanation rushed out of him, almost as if he couldn’t stop it, “it was all Michael. I told you I’d never hurt you Sam, and I meant it. I did everything I could to get between you and Michael, I couldn’t just stand there and watch him break you over and over again. So I... I made you a hide out.”

“A hideout?”

“A place where Michael wouldn’t be able to get to you. I set up a decoy version of you for him to take his frustrations out on, so he wouldn’t notice you were gone-”

“A decoy? Where do you get a decoy Sam Winchester from, Hunters R Us?” Sam chuckled and crossed his arms, remaining skeptical of the explanation.

“Not exactly...” Lucifer winced, clearly not wanting to divulge the information.

“Lucifer,” Sam’s voice was hard and he took a step toward the shorter man, “what did you use as a decoy?”

“Your body.”

“My body?!”

“Yes. I pulled your body apart from your soul,” Lucifer began again, following as the hunter collapsed back onto the couch, “completely detached so your soul wouldn’t sustain any more damage. A soul can only take so much before it becomes so corrupted that it can no longer be restored,” he was sitting on the coffee table now, cross legged in front of Sam.

“Wait, what do you mean restored?”

Lucifer sighed, “As you know, if a soul gets twisted and corrupted long enough it becomes a demon which means that person is then forever damned to Hell.”

“So...” he could see the hunter was having trouble piecing it together, “you prevented my soul from becoming irreversibly corrupted so I could what? Get into Heaven?” Sam threw his head back and laughed as he saw the blonde’s cheeks flare up, “Well I’m sorry to disappoint you Satan, but I’m pretty sure I’m the poster boy for what to do to get yourself into the fiery gates.”

Lucifer shook his head, “You don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand?” he stood up and started pacing, mind racing, I can’t believe I’m discussing the fate of my soul with the devil, “well please, by all means, explain it to me.”

The blonde ran a hand through his hair, this isn’t going to sound good, “If your soul was irreversibly corrupted and you became a demon, you could never be used as a vessel again,” at the look Sam gave him he continued, “I know you think that is a good thing, but your soul shines so bright...,” he dropped his gaze down to the floor, “seeing it corrupted would have devastating effects.”

Sam remained silent, unsure of what to make of this news. Is he telling the truth? If he is lying, what is he hoping to achieve? What’s the point of him telling me this?

“I will wage a war against the angels on the day when Sam Winchester isn’t allowed into the garden.”

It was spoken barely above a whisper, but Sam definitely heard the words. He wasn’t sure whether or not to believe them, but the soft spoken tone made him start to question his earlier judgement. There was no denying the undertone of care that sentence carried, as though he was speaking about someone he didn’t just need to keep safe, but wanted to.

“Lucifer,” Sam kept his tone soft, and found himself placing a hand on the man’s knee, “what don’t I remember?”

The blonde drew in a shaky breath in a failed attempt to keep his voice calm, “After I detached your soul, I gave your body specific instructions. It was to taunt Michael and lead him over to one side of the cage, so I could get your soul to the hideout on the other side. It did a remarkable job,” he noted with a small smile.

“Michael couldn’t understand how you’d got so cocky but was more than happy to rip the confidence back out of you. Once I made sure he was...” he swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, “occupied, I brought you over to the hideout, and did what I could to heal the damage,” it sounded as though he was fighting back tears and he hid his face in his hands, “but there wasn’t much I could do. I thought I could heal you, as I was once an angel but I-”

He cut himself off and hung his head lower, drawing in a shaky breath. Sam blinked and was surprised to see he had encompassed the ex-angel in his arms while he’d listened. What the... ?

“It’s okay, Sam,” Lucifer broke in, scooting out of the hunter’s embrace and hastily wiping at his eyes, “it’s my voice,” he gave a weak smile, “there’s a reason they called me ‘silver-tongued’.”

Sam got up and sat back down on the couch, unsuccessfully avoiding thinking about how... familiar it was to hold him, and about how unbelievably captivating it was to hear him speak. There was no way that was normal.

“What, ugh,” the hunter cleared his throat, “what happened when you touched my soul?”

“I ended up branding it, similar to when a soul gets bought by a demon, anyone else who touched your soul would know that I claimed it. That meant that it couldn’t be traded in any deal, or sold without my permission.”

The way Lucifer explained what he’d done made it sound like he felt guilty, and the way he kept avoiding Sam’s eyes didn’t help. Well what do you expect? He condemned your soul to Hell when that was the last thing he’d wanted, Sam found himself reaching forward again, but didn’t stop himself this time. Didn’t feel the need to stop himself. What would be the harm, anyway? No one’s around.

“The good news,” the blonde’s voice broke threw the hunter’s thoughts, “was that since I had branded it, it had become protected against further damage. No one, not even Michael could continue to harm it,” he ran a hand through his hair and rested his head against Sam’s shoulder, “the bad news, is that it couldn’t be healed past what I’d started. My branding had... preserved it, formed a protective barrier around its current state. Nothing could get in, good or bad... just in time too.”

Lucifer had stopped talking then, letting his voice taper off at the end of the sentence like the last few notes of a song, and allowed a silence to fall while he was held close to the hunter’s chest.

Sam breathed him in and kissed the top of his head, no longer caring about knowing all the answers. He just wanted to savour this moment, the peacefulness of holding him close. Wanted to savour the dream-like state that had taken over before Dean got back. He prayed for his brother not to come back so soon. After all, how often did he get to enjoy moments like this?

He wasn’t sure whether it was because his voice carried some sort of magic, or because of the branding on his soul, but having Lucifer in his arms, feeling his heartbeat had softened the moment—he didn’t want his brother stomping in and shattering that.

“Not too long after that,” the blonde began again with a long sigh, “Michael had began to look for me. I was stupid to think he wouldn’t have noticed I disappeared,” he shook his head at his own misjudgment, “I sensed he was getting close to the hideout so I had to leave you to meet him.”

“He caught up to me in the middle and was dragging your body behind him. Seeing what he did to you...” Lucifer snuggled his head against Sam’s chest and tightened his grip, “he was obviously curious as to where I’d been and why I wasn’t helping torture you since I am the devil,” he sneered the word like it was too vial to pass through his lips.

Like he doesn’t want the title.

“I couldn’t let on to what I was doing,” he dropped his voice low, as if saying it quieter would make it hurt less, “so I-” his voice broke and he buried his head into the hunter’s chest, “Sammy, I’m sorry.”

Sam turned him around so he was no longer sideways across his lap and pulled him close, rubbing a soothing hand over his back when he felt tears start to drip down his shirt.

“Ssshhh... It’s okay... Luce you’re okay,” Sam kept his voice soft as he continued rubbing circles into his back.

Sam’s words only succeeded in making him cry harder and the hunter would be lying if he said seeing him cry wasn’t hurting his heart. Whatever you did, it doesn’t matter.

“Sam-”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I was so worried, I never wanted to tell you.”

“Luce,” Sam pushed him backward slightly, gently swiping at his eyes, “I don’t care what happened. You-”

The door slamming open made the giant jump, and he stood, confused as his brother burst through the door, eyes frantic.

“Uh, Dean?”

“They’re coming,” he all but ran to the back of the cabin, “We need to leave, now.”

Sam rushed to the back as well, gathering his stuff, “What happened?”

“No time,” Dean brush passed him, glancing quickly at the giants’ face before pausing, keeping his eyes on him, “… Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he shifted his weight nervously and glanced back at the now-empty couch, “why?”

“Looks like – never mind. We don’t have time. Meet me outside in five if you don’t want to be monster chow.”

Sam continued packing his stuff, doing his best to sift-through all the information he’d been given.

“Better hurry, Sam. I can feel them,” Lucifer was spread out on the bed, eyes on the floor.

“Luce-”

“Dean’s waiting.”

Sam sighed as he shouldered his duffle, making his way back out to the living room, pausing in the front entrance, “Come with me.”

---------------------------

Like the fic? Check out more here!

[warcrimesimulator]

I had a sort of bad start on Tumblr. There’s a really long story, but to cut it short, I was a major political edgelord who associated with both fascists and tankies, and I built a really bad reputation for myself. I was a major Soviet apologist and said a lot of mean shit about Poland in particular (I think that’s probably part of why I took an interest in Polish history years later- perhaps to make up for things I did and said).

I eventually became disillusioned with everything I was passionate about, probably prompted by the fact that I lost a very important friend as a result of my behavior. I decided history was an unhealthy interest for the time being, and I just dropped it entirely and became active in the Kingdom Hearts fandom to start building a new reputation and improving as a person. That was in 2014.

2014-2015 was overall just a weird, but good, time on Tumblr. I challenged things I once stood for. Like, I used to be an anti-SJW, so I started getting into social justice- very specifically discourse related to mental illness. I also got more involved in the wildlife/animal community and got really into animal welfare issues, responsible exotic pet ownership, etc. 

I only got back into history stuff in late 2016. But over this past year I think I’ve been building a negative reputation for myself yet again- I’m just becoming increasingly obnoxious and I can’t even act normally about my interests anymore (90% of my “historical” content nowadays is just UPA shitposting and man it really does not make me look good, as someone who used to be Tumblr’s only source of information on anything relating to the Volhynia genocide) and this ~*obnoxious edgy horny shitposter lel XDD*~ behavior has basically just became my entire personality at this point and that’s not healthy. 

I always consider taking a break from Tumblr in general but it just never works. I probably need it though. Using this website is just a stressful experience nowadays.

[chaosd1]

You know, when I reblogged that, it was mostly to showcase an issue that’s been present for YEARS, but keeps cropping up every now and then because most of Channel Awesome’s fans still think it’s 2010. If I had a Patreon dollar for every person who asked me something about “____ DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY!” despite that not being a thing I’ve done for over half a decade, I would probably not have to worry about paying off that damaged tire, or any future repairs to my car and/or PC. Long story short, they aren’t very good at letting things go.

I know people who want me to share my story are hoping for the same level of juicy gossip or levels of hypocrisy or betrayal that have accompanied so many of these other stories but I’m sorry to say it’s not quite that interesting, or even remotely “gotcha” in any sense of the word. If anything it’s more a reveal of how the company feels about its low-tier producers, and symptomatic of the larger issue that they clearly DON’T want anyone but the Chicago crew, or anyone that’s possibly bringing in their own audience. Remember when JonTron and PBG posted on Blistered Thumbs? I’m pretty sure they’re still kicking themselves over that one. As a bit of background, I always wanted to be on the CA site in some form, and by the time I had a show to offer up, I was already pretty close friends with a lot of the producers. In fact, it was Julien (Sad Panda) who decided to post up one of my videos in his schedule slot as a way to offer me a test spot. It was well recieved enough, but video games were almost always relegated to BT at the point, so off I went.

Despite being the more “respected” site by some audiences, all snafu’s aside, I felt that Channel Awesome treated Blistered Thumbs producers as second class citizens. Posting on there was like the Wild West. You put up whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, and as often as you wanted, and hoped someone with a show that consisted of a three-hour long livestream split up into 15 minute increments wouldn’t end up pushing your video off the main page slider within the next few hours. It was very much for that reason I pursued some means to get myself listed on the main site by cleaning up the YEARS worth of spam and reported comments. After bringing it to the right people, I was permitted to post videos on the main site as well. It went well enough... for a while.

Once BT was shut down, a few of my friends (specifically MegaGWolf) were unceremoniously let go without an ounce of communication. (Most everyone on BT who wasn’t brought on to the CA “merger” had to find out via friends, as Michaud didn’t directly inform them.) Despite the promise of rebranding and stronger promotion, the BT audience didn’t really follow over to CA as the site didn’t really fit their desires, and the core CA audience was basically “NC, Linkara,and that’s it.” Views tanked and it was around the time I decided to move over to Youtube as the Blip waters were already pretty troubled.

At some point I started doing relatively well on Youtube, to the point CA felt like an annoying afterthought. I had to make special titlecards for CA as they had a ridiculous format I’d purposefully ignore later on just to see if they were paying attention. For example, the images were all supposed to be JPGS, though I always made them PNG, and since they were hotlinking them from my site anyway, WHY DID IT FUCKING MATTER?! It most felt like this ridiculous push for control and a power play that no one bothered to enforce anyway. Each time we scheduled we had to provide a link, a title, and a link to a special made titlecard. Did you have a special instruction or link you wanted to include when posting on CA? Good fucking luck they would ever include it, or spell half that shit correctly. Hell after a while, I figured it was pretty non-coincidental that after changing the title format from “MMO Grinder: Name of Game” to “Name of Game - ChaosD1,” views coming from CA were barely a percentile of the overall views I’d get from every other source. It wasn’t worth making them a stupid special title card and hopping onto a painfully broken scheduling site (a site that, by the way was designed for Sporting Events, and was so filled with non-updated dead links I occasionally would troll them by posting my category as “Blistered Thumbs” and “The Inebriati” both still available in the category dropdown menu. I’ll bet you they are still there to this day.

My issue didn’t come about until a sudden rule change. A rule I didn’t really have an issue with until the market started dying down, and my constant crushing depression over winter and my wife’s illness kicked in. Basically, “Post one video a month, or you’re stricken from the site.” later on that was changed to TWO videos per month and my show was almost always a ONCE per month deal. Seemed a bit suspect and draconian. There were people who didn’t post videos for several MONTHS that were still listed on the site, but they suspiciously had pretty strong followings elsewhere. Still I figured some form of warning or amnesty would take place to some extent. So in April of 2017 it was a pretty shitty month. Most of it was spent working on Eternal Crusade which was such a miserable slog none of us felt like doing much of anything else, there were no games to Sidequest for the suddenly required 2nd video per month, and I was pretty sure I was going to get some flak for it.Keep this in mind, I was WELL AWARE of the risk I was taking by not posting a second video, despite me rather often saying my show was monthly at the most. I figured they might know this, I’d get a warning, and that’d be the end of it. However, I was able to get out Eternal Crusade at the very end of April, but didn’t get around to posting it on the schedule until May 1st. May 1st rolls around, I check the site for any feedback and comments, and notice the video isn’t posted at all.... and I can’t access the scheduler anymore. One day late of posting consistently for 5 fucking years, and I’m locked out of the site like I stole a laptop from the studio. So I hopped on Twitter. Partially to express dismay, and partially because... I noticed I didn’t really have an audience on Channel Awesome anymore. I asked this very specific question and joked with some of the replies, most of whom confirmed my suspicion. They really only watched me on my site or my YT channel.

Still in talking with the CA chat in Skype, (I’d be on that Producer’s chat more often if I didn’t basically swear off Skype after Discord included screenshare. The producers and former producers really should make a Discord channel already.) they informed me that they’d probably reverse their decision if I just contacted Greg. While I didn’t think it was likely worth the effort, I figured I would anyway. Maybe pipe dreams of being included in an anniversary special some day. I just couldn’t wait to be the guy sitting slightly out of camera range in every shot with the one exception of getting to say “What should we do now, Critic?” for my first and only line in the movie. So I contacted Greg. It went a little something like this (for the Skype uninitiated, my words in Blue, Greg’s in grey):

So yeah, always fun to have to wait several days for a sentencing to the crime of being a day late on a post.

Of course, I cropped out the rest of the image, because the response without any contact in-between immediately afterward was this:

Yes I was being a sarcast there. I’m a sarcast... but when I’m last told “we’ll go through everything” and that is immediately followed up by “Sorry I took so long to get back, but... get lost scrub” I’m probably going to be a bit miffed about it. Of course this is CA and you can’t talk bad about them... or post something on Twitter they presume is talking bad about them, as this was the response to my sarcastic reply:

So yeah, Greg not quite understanding the concept of linear time (again I posted the tweet BEFORE I sent him the Skype message, not after) apparently you can’t even ask your audience where they still watch your videos most. They take it as a personal insult, like I didn’t enough appreciate those generous table scraps us low-tier producers had to fight over.

All things considered though, I knew the risk of not posting a second video in that month, and I valued my sanity over tossing out content for the sake of a suddenly imposed deadline. Could I have contacted Greg? Yeah, I suppose so, but why should I even have to? To be only a day late and have everything stricken without warning, like a robot looked over the feed and said “Well a month has passed, and there was only one so fired lel” without considering why, or even checking in on the employee in question, is the kind of corporate "numbers-only” bullshit that I swore off retail for. It’s fitting so many people in charge of Channel Awesome used to work at Circuit City is all I’m saying.

So that’s it. Nothing major, something I basically brought on myself, but still a fairly telling story of how you’d be treated as a content producer on that site.

And to all the current and remaining producers that aren’t showing up to the studio every day, or have a sizable enough audience to make a dent if you were to leave... they don’t WANT you there. They do not care about you. You are a liability. The very second they have a logical-to-them reason to cut your ass from the site, they will. Why put yourself through all that stress for a job that makes demands of you, without even paying you, promoting you, or benefiting you in any way? You know they don’t care about that site now that they are where they are with their YouTube channel. (Currently there are two producers that haven’t posted since December, that are still listed on the site. I must have been a special exception, or maybe it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a video as long as you keep telling them you don’t.) You’re white noise to them. Stay or go. As much as you think it might, it probably won’t make a difference to you... 

...but it definitely won’t make a difference to them.

[defini-te]

all of the vaguely nsfw asks?/ >:))

Thank you anon >:’D

1. Are looks important in a relationship? Yes, but not more important than personality. A decent looking guy can become attractive to me, but no amount of personality will make me attracted to someone I can’t find remotely attractive :/2. Are relationships ever worth it? With the right people I believe so3. Are you a virgin? No4. Are you in a relationship? I think so 5. Are you in love? no (not yet I suppose)6. Are you single this year? no lmao7. Can you commit to one person? yeah8. Describe your crush. a human male with arms and legs. And some beautiful eyes. 9. Describe your perfect mate. Someone I can have fun with, trust and be comfortable being myself and honest with. Someone that can help me be a better person but also someone I can help in the same way. Also physically attractive to me and finds me attractive.10. Do you believe in love at first sight? No lmao11. Do you ever want to get married? Sure…no hurry though.12. Do you forgive betrayal? If they’re sincerely sorry, never repeat it and make amends I will. Unless if it’s cheating lmao.13. Do you get jealous easily? Honestly no. I’m pretty reasonable by default.14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Well, yeah.15. Do you have any piercings? Ears only16. Do you have any tattoos? No i’m afraid of pain ._.17. Do you like kissing in public? Yes, provided it’s nothing more than a quick kiss. Forehead and cheek kisses aaaa20. Do you shower every day? yes21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I would bloody hope so22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? neh23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? yes wtf24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?  ..no25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? Well yeah.26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yeah. And look what happened lmao woops27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? no28. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. I’m not a fucking animal.30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Jawline thinning surgery, or a nose job.31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Yes. Cried once over the shock of being ghosted. Cried many times from an emotionally abusive ex.32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? No. I’d be on the other end of it more often tbh. I wouldn’t let myself love someone that doesn’t feel the same to me.33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Ye34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? noh35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Ye36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? No37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Does it count if my friends eventually started hating him?38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes. Didn’t expect to like someone with mental illness and a different socioeconomic class than me. Also didn’t expect to like a charming salesman that approached me either. WOOPS.39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? No40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? I’m about as artistic as a brick wall, so no.41. Have you had sex so far this year? Yes :)42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? like 3 seconds.43. How long was your longest relationship? 1 year 2 months. Pity it was a toxic one.44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 445. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? Just 1. Oh the joys of high school infatuation.46. How many times did you have sex last year? many to be honest.47. How old are you? 1948. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Thought you really seemed to like me. Thanks for being honest about it, bye.49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Hard to pin point one thing at this stage. I’d say fun to be around and seems genuine and affectionate.50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? NO. BYE BITCH. It’s more likely he’d knock on my door with incessant talking and logical fallacies.51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Myself lol52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? My most recent ex. I’m sure he could have gotten better, but the damage of the past is done. My feelings for him are completely gone to the point where I cannot stand the tiniest sliver of his presence. Therefore, there’s no way I could stay with him and have the patience to wait for him to improve.

That’s just the thing, isn’t it. Our relationship constantly had a power imbalance that would tip from one side to the other, never balancing in the middle.

Another reason I gave up was when I realised we both deserved better, and I couldn’t feel comfortable being honest with him and too used to hiding things and lying to him.53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Nope54. Is there someone you will never forget? Yeah I think so. Not in a good way.55. Share a relationship story. Uhmm we went from google imaging photos of expensive cars because I didn’t know what a Bugatti was, to scrolling through photos of horses for 5 minutes and making comments on them.56. State 8 facts about your body. I’m 5′2/1.58cm, my second toe is longer than my big toe, I can twitch my ears, I can roll my tongue sideways, I look younger than I am, my hands are always cold, I can place my hands flat on the floor without bending my knees, I have resting bitch face.

57. Things you want to say to an ex. Good luck with life. Don’t talk to me or see what I’m doing with mine.58. What are five ways to win your heart?

1. Make me laugh abruptly and unexpectedly.

2. Listen to what I say and respect my intelligence and agency.

3. inspire me to actually improve in any way.

4. Be attentive and genuinely enjoy spending time with me.

5. Intend to stick with me, and make that obvious to me.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) if you want one that badly pm me or something.60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 7 years 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Their general demeanour and how they carry themselves. I would’ve said their looks but I’ve realised I don’t aggressively scope them out first thing due to shyness.62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Oh man, I’m not too sure. I’d say a lot of sensual touching would be involved and dirty or sweet talk whispering.63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Bumping your genitals together LMAO64. What is your definition of cheating?

Physical cheating - Any physical contact with sexual intent, including sexting, with someone you’re not in a relationship with, and without their permission.

Emotional cheating - Having romantic feelings or strong attachment for someone you’re not in a relationship with, and not doing anything to control them.65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Making out, touching, I guess.  Lel.66. What is your favourite roleplay? idk67. What is your idea of the perfect date? I have many. A night in where we watch movies, cuddle and cook something together. Or we go somewhere scenic and watch the sunset/star gaze. 68. What is your sexual orientation? Straight69. What turns you off? Lack of initiative, arrogance, possessiveness, excessive awkwardness, clingyness/neediness, extremely loud voice, sense of entitlement, bad oral hygiene (or hygiene in general), inattentive, very untidy, passive aggressiveness.70. What turns you on? Initiative, respectful, smells nice, sense of humour, consideration, affectionate/sensual, honesty, kindness, appreciative, intelligence.71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? uhm idk.72. What words do you like to hear during sex? henlo u wan sum fuk73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? I low-key fantasised about someone buying me a new e-reader. Not because they’re just buying me a new device, but about the sentiment behind it. They’d know how much I enjoyed reading and wish to encourage me to pursue it once more. They’d know that reading off a computer screen saps my concentration and I prefer to find my books electronically and online.

there’s another reason I’d find it particularly touching, and it’s not something I would tell them. My controlling ex didn’t let me read and uninstalled the program I used for reading off MY computer without telling me. So if a better boyfriend did the opposite and encouraged me to read, and wanted to see me enjoy things I’d probably fall in love with him right there.

But this is a tad bit idealistic, so I’m not expecting.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? Nice arms? Handsome face? IDK75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Take care of me when I was sick.76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Take care of them when they had a mental breakdown. 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? If you’re on the same page and can work together, who am I to judge.78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Apparently I’m good at blowjobs o//o Thought I was average at best, i’m still shook.79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? When I was with my ex, probably just him hanging around that dumb bitch and trying new things with her. Why did I even put up with that lmao.80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? I don’t remember.81. Who are five people you find attractive? Me, myself, Moi, I, and shrek.82. Who is the last person you hugged? My mother.83. Who was your first kiss with? With a boy I met off a friend when we were 15. He’s studying dentistry now lmaoo84. Why did your last relationship fail? Controlling behaviour, cheating, isolation, me being sick of his manipulative bullshit and wanting to do normal things without fucking consulting him first. Also I didn’t take initiative or put as much effort because I felt like nothing I’d do would make a difference, and that he’d tell me what to do anyway so why act.85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? If I’m able to meet them regularly, yeah why not.