#but didn't realize the extent of it I guess until now when I'm reading his style againm

[blossom-hwa]

.

[paradoxcase]

John 5:4

THE TOWER HAS BEEN REACTIVATED

So I guess that is for "Earth" and then "Alecto" and then "Harrow". It's interesting that this little secondary story does not actually tell us anything about where the name "Alecto" came from. Was it a name that John gave to her? Or one that she gave herself? Given John's obsession with the name Gaia, I would have thought he'd pick that

You've proven over and over again that no one should trust you with anything, dude

Harrow mentions "waking up" as being a separate thing from resurrection again later, but it's not clear what this means at either point

Are you telling me that John made them forget everything just by doing something physical to their brains and Mercy the anatomy expert who definitely figured out what Harrow did to her brain after only a few months never figured this out in 10,000 years? I cannot believe that

This makes it sound like the other planets were already populated before John destroyed everything. So how did those people die? Did just killing the planets cause that to happen? Did John kill all the people on the planets in addition to the planets? I figured that at least the technology to make the other planets habitable had come from after the start of the 10,000 years, but apparently not even that was invented during John's regime, the whole society has just been completely static the whole time. This is straining suspension of disbelief here

There's no way they decided they wanted to do whatever John did with Alecto, because until the end of Harrow the Ninth, all of the Lyctors thought Alecto was just someone that John resurrected who came back wrong, they didn't realize she was Earth, and they definitely didn't realize she was John's cavalier, that was the whole point of the reveal at the end of the last book

So confirmed that John only created the Lyctors so that they would be roped into fighting the resurrection beasts for him. And then he talks about ripping his fingers from his hands and throwing them to the resurrection beasts, but what he really means is sacrificing his friends so that he can continue on

Oh my god, I don't think I've ever been this mad about someone misinterpreting a bible story before. The whole point of the flood story was that God said, oh, no, this was a terrible mistake, I'm so sorry, I promise I will never destroy the world again no matter how bad it gets. The point was not that the world was evil and needed a "fresh start", the point of the story was that destroying the world just because there are some evil people there is wrong. And like, this isn't a one-time lesson in the OT, either, it comes back again in the Sodom and Gomorrah story when God wants to destroy the cities because there are some bad people there and Abraham has a big argument with him and argues him down to agreeing to spare the cities if there is even one good person there other than Lot and his family. This was like, character development for God, he went from someone who destroyed the whole world because of some bad people and he is learning and relenting and getting some perspective from Abraham. And then later you have the story of Jonah, where now it's Jonah who wants the city destroyed, and God is lecturing him about why that's not right. Like, to the extent that the OT, which was written by like four or five different people with very different ideas of who God was and then frankensteined together by an editor hundreds of years later actually has a coherent narrative and consistent themes, this is pretty consistent. How does someone who grows up with these stories fail at understanding them so badly? How is it possible for someone who probably has advanced degrees to have such shit reading comprehension? This is the most infuriating thing John has ever said in these entire last two books

So this is what she meant by "where did you put the people" at the end of the last John chapter. I would guess the answer is either that he actually consumed all of their souls for power somehow, or that their souls are somewhere generating power in some way. I guess this probably won't be answered until the fourth book

The "tower" that's been menitoned... but it doesn't seem like this is meant to be Canaan House, as people have indicated on previous posts, and at least in this case it seems to be something that's in the River, or maybe she is just travelling through the River to get there?

Also, since this is the last John chapter, I have to ask, for poll-making purposes: Is it ever clarified in this book or elsewhere which country was the one that hired John to puppet around their dead head of state?

[meanscarletdeceiver]

re: Why the Coppernob/Cornwall war

thanks to @houseboatisland for helping me punch up the insult a bit ;) been carryin' my ass all day, actually —

To a large extent they just have just been instilled with different value systems. So they're constantly judging each other.

Could they have left all this behind when they both separately embarked on their preservation years? I mean I guess but that’d be boring for them both. Let ‘em hang on to what little they have left from those days. Also, there was An Incident that cemented Coppernob’s enmity, justifying it retroactively… and for the next couple hundred years… 

Scene: 1898. F.R. 3 and 4 are making their final preparations, preparing to be dismantled for the last time in the coming winter. 4 has the bright idea to write to Cornwall. Apologize for their part in the old quarrel. Wish him and his well in the years ahead.

It should be noted 3 was against this idea from the start. But 4 was feelin’ chipper with a warm sense of good-fellowship peace-on-earth-goodwill-to-man, so he went right on ahead with the project.

3: He'll never reply.

4: He doesn't have to reply. The letter says so.

3:  Well... don't put my name on it!

4 and 4's driver: *ignore him. 3's name is signed to this bullshit too.*

To everyone's surprise, they do get a reply. Aaaand it's basically 'lol get scrapped losers. couldn’t even remember who you were till cousin columbine reminded me of the two grubby little humpback radishes i used to leave in my dust. anyway lmao imma live forever bitch. hope hell's hot enough for ya… probably gonna be a big step up from barrow tbh.' Bonus: insults their long-dead sisters.

4: .... bit harsh, that

3: I told you! I told you!!

Of course in the end 3 is also preserved and now he can carry the memory of the time Cornwall basically spat in the face of all three of his dead siblings until the end of time.

***

But. 

I'm gonna be honest, I suspect Cornwall doesn't know the letter was sent. Like his attitude was "oh fuck them" and then he and his closest mates had a roaring session where they all tried to out-do each other on what Cornwall should write back but he has no idea some officious Company-proud shed employee dutifully wrote down all the roasts and sent the result back off to Barrow. Cornwall fully disliked the Copper-Nobs, and he is a jerk, but, like. He's not evil. If the engineman-turned-scribe had had the sense to confirm the letter he wrote up on his behalf Cornwall would undoubtedly have been like 'oh lmao no just rip it up.'

Which makes it all the funnier to me, ngl. Coppernob hates Cornwall intensely because he knows what a foul rat he secretly is. Cornwall thinks Coppernob is carrying a new degree of grudge because he didn't write back with kum-bye-ya we're-all-pals-now and scoffs at it. Other engines have picked up on the dark hints they've both thrown out about this incident and have had difficulty assembling them into a coherent narrative, for obvious reasons. It's a mess. If tomorrow they realized they were at cross purposes and Coppernob quoted that letter-he-totally-hasn’t-memorized Cornwall would be like 'WHAAAAT i never wrote that' and Coppernob would fuckin' die of humiliation when he learned Cornwall thought he'd been in a strop for a hundred twenty five years only because Cornwall left his apology on read and now his widdle fweelings were hurt. 'I'd never have given a fuck if there'd been no reply!! I never even wanted Four to send that stupid letter!!!!' 'real shit? haha that actually does make more sense lol your brother was such a loser — '

Aaaaaand I guess that'd be the beginning of the third phase of the endless grudge.

So maybe it’s inevitable. They gotta despise each other. It’s fate. 

[callipraxia]

sooooo i read the christmas pages and now i'm crying about it. it could've been a whole episode it could've been a WHOLE EPISODE. WIN!!! but also i'm here to say that my assumptions about ford "not being much of a drinker" until bill cipher was ACTUALLY CORRECT??? SOMEHOW??? also this is making me want to write again. like very much so. guh (let's hope this hype continues!)

Feel you on the wanting to write again; most of what I've written so far has admittedly been short extrapolations on tumblr and I am suddenly full of interest again in the notes I made for another essay last year, so maybe it's triggered my nonfiction era or something like that, but I also wrote like half of a fifth chapter for the 'Unexpected Memoirs' recently.

On the subject of Ford and drinking...I know you put the story with alcoholic!Ford on the back-burner, but it occurred to me last night that there's the potential for some interesting discourse around Ford's role in the show's addiction metaphors now. Admittedly, we have to take Ford's statements about himself with a tiny grain of salt, since he's barely a more reliable narrator than Bill when it gets too close to home, and one could read into the fact that he says he usually "tries to sober", which leaves open the option that he has to 'try' because it's an active effort for him and/or that he's the poster boy for nineties narratives about peer pressure making you make unintelligent decisions - not sure if I read it that way or not, but it would definitely be a legitimate reading. If we take Ford's statements at face value, though, and he really doesn't/didn't drink very often pre-Bill, then an interesting pattern that I assume could mean something still develops: Ford might not drink that often, since I can only recall now three canon instances, but when he does, he apparently cannot handle it at all. And it works even though we already had Fiddleford as the "alcoholic just waiting to happen" in the plot, since they have completely different motives. Ford isn't deliberately blacking out portions of his own life to avoid dealing with them like Fiddleford did, but he does, after all, 'use' Bill to get 'round his problems at first. His loneliness, his lack of social facility ("[he's] given me clever comebacks when I'm insulted"), his professional paralysis after a certain point of his research...issue solved! And he's rather repressed as a rule, trying to live up to his picture of himself he's built up in his head, so it makes sense that if his inhibitions are lowered in the slightest, he just goes a bit nuts with it, takes it too far, not least because Ford takes everything too far no matter how it feels, but also because he's, like...having fun for once. At least at first, anyway. Before we cross the fine line between 'taking it too far' and 'taking it too far" and then everyone ends up miserable and unwell.

Which also reminds me: I forgot about one portion of my original Ford Essay when I said last night that nothing in it had been definitely debunked. I proposed there that Ford may have had some vague approximation of a life in the years before Bill and the Blind Eye came along and messed up first him and then the whole town, but nah, apparently Ford was, indeed, lying through his teeth when he made a point of how happy he was at first in Gravity Falls and how he felt like he'd finally found a place where he fit in. Which also makes sense, since he and Stan are both to an extent putting on a show for the other's benefit in that scene in order to save face, but does make me kind of sad :( I wanted him and Manly Dan to be friendly, dangit. Don't know why, but I apparently was more invested in it than I'd realized, I guess.

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 98 - mowing the lawn

Glad that at least Tim and Martin are kind of alright together.

Elias wanting Martin to continue reading statements really is super suspicious for the BackupArchivist!Martin theory.

MARTIN "He did suggest I try to get you involved and –" - God, my boss is like this and I hate it… Pushing the task of telling my colleagues what to do onto me. It's not my job to do that, I don't even think it's my place to do that. But if I don't, the work gets stuck on me…

TIM [Sigh] "Look, have you talked to Jon about them?" - Aw, that's so cute. I'm sure at this point Tim totally knows about Martin's crush. Must have happened some time after he thought Jon's seeing Basira?

TIM [Grunts] "Kind of. We tried to talk, but he, he reached for that – Ah, he, he wanted to turn on his recorder. I freaked out a bit" - Also good to see that Jon and Tim at least tried to talk. Wonder why Jon wanted to turn on the tape recorder though…

MARTIN "Yeah, we talked. Not long, he – Y’know, I think he thinks that the distance keeps us safe, you know? Like, like, if he just makes sure that we’re not involved, we’re somehow fine." TIM "He’s an idiot. Look, we didn’t know what that door was, and it still trapped us. Ignorance isn’t going to save anyone." - I mean, Jon is a bit of an idiot [affectionately]. But I don't think that's what Tim meant here?

MARTIN "No, I mean, you’re right, I guess. He was… Y’know, we know about Sasha now, and… he said he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. Like, y’know, it’s his fault." TIM "Isn’t it?" MARTIN "No! No, it isn’t! I mean, you heard Elias… We never really stood a chance." TIM "Yeah. Maybe. But Elias wasn’t actually the one who offered me the job down here." - OFFERED! And YOU TOOK IT. This is a really unhealthy mindset, constantly blaming others, especially for things that are just so out of everybody's hands. I know, Tim's mental health is too far gone at that point to realize this and Jon is an easy target since he was actually very guilty of stalking Tim.

MARTIN "No, I – Sure." - Martin realized there is no possible way of convincing Tim otherwise even when providing him with objective information. Tim has a certain mindset and won't deviate from this so easily. This is also why the deficit model for science communication won't work for a lot of people. The problem roots in cognition.

Hehehe Martin talking to tape recorders as if they are pets xD Does this also count as part of Web!Martin?

"It was an oilskin packet of documents, supposedly from the log-books of Franklin’s lost ship, the HMS Terror." - OMG how have I never noticed this until now (I mean, I know why, because it's an old-ass statement and I always have a hard time following them). By that I mean the mention of the HMS Terror.

"It was a German tome titled Die Nachtstücke" - Almost, Alex. ST in German is pronounced SHT. But he managed the CH and Ü, so props to him.

"and contained several morbid tales by a man named Hoffman." - God, I almost didn't recognize the name. Nobody here just says "Hoffman", it's always E.T.A. Hoffman. I never read any of his works, though someone in my class did a presentation of Das Fräulein von Scuderi. The Cardillac Syndrom described in it always spoke to me (just not to THAT extent xD)

"Far from the comforting friend of children he is so often portrayed as, he was rendered as quite the monster." - tbh, a lot those old German folk or fairytales (for children) were quite brutal and scary. I knew of the Sandman as both as a kid, of this benevolent little being as well as the one punishing kids with their sand until their eyes bled. Thought it was cool.

MARTIN "I wish Jon kept better organised notes because I know he’s mentioned someone called Maxwell Rayner, but I cannot find much in the way of any info –" - I love how both of them complain about the other one's working style xD Interesting, that we now got the information that Rayner seems to be old af.

Hm, is it a coincidence that Martin and Melanie talking about recording statements when he just did one of the Dark and Melanie also did one of the Dark?

MELANIE "Al-Although I was just going to have a talk with Elias, so, uh, maybe I can convince him to cut you some slack." - That's very nice of Melanie. Though I believe she thought they would be rid of Elias in about an hour XD

MELANIE "Right. Fair. Listen, you really look like you could use a drink. Um, me and Basira were just about to pop out. So… do you want to join us?" - Also very nice of her. Glad to see that the archival team sticks a bit more together here.

ELIAS [Chuckles slightly] "I don’t know everything, Melanie. Do you know how exhausting that would be?" - Slight nod to the state he'll be in after the Change? Or how much it's also gonna be a strain on Jon.

ELIAS "Let’s have no more clumsy assassination attempts, alright?" - So, is he alright with not-clumsy assassination attempts? XD

All the Archival assistants are going through a hard time this season. Melanie especially in this episode.

[imarawbu]

Something I've been thinking about because it connects some dots for me.

There is an account, on one of the many social media platforms out there, that I followed awhile back that's an account about healing from narcissistic abuse but the owner is a Muslim woman. In the past month or so, she had radically changed her content. She billed herself as a survivor of narcissistic abuse by an ex potential but she got out of it and married a revert- well he reverted to marry her. She had been mainly focusing on healing for those that have been abused or offering advice based on reddit stories, sometimes personal stuff about herself, or her culture. Now, she has made a discovery that she's a narcissist but a "healed" one. Since then her content has been different, she shames women in these situations much more so than before it seems to me, she has said these women deserve such narcissists if they stay with them, and uses the same verse of "good men for good women" as a rationale. She braggs about her husband and love bombing him (in a good way) and that he's soon to be rich etc. she does still debunk heavily red pill stuff that's prominent in the Muslim community. However she likes to take about how virginity is such a high price and women should be acknowledging that and at the same time shaming women who've been married more than once. Then later she posted about how if she divorced her husband that she has increased in value even though she's not a virgin because of "wife skills." This leads me to another point from dots I connected myself to my past.

I had noticed awhile back how my husband treats me the same as my parents specifically my mother have treated me in terms of verbal abuse and saying the same stuff, calling me dumb, lazy, never amounting to anything, etc. I have never been willing to call someone a narcissist because usually people don't actually fit the criteria and it's a pop psychology buzz word. I only recently have been willing to acknowledge my husband is one because he doesn't fit all the criteria and most of his behavior isn't always something that fits with how a narcissist behaves. I have read other similar stories and more often than not, he is like one. Considering all the similarities of his behavior and my mother's it seems very likely she is also one as well. It explains a lot.

Why were things so bad when there was just emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse, my long term physical health problems and mental maladjustments. For many years, I thought I had X disorder and had a list of the criteria I fit but as I got older and out of the environment with her. I realized I was quite normal and reacted normally to things. For example, I was actually diagnosed with BPD (after I had to push for years until I turned 18). People with BPD are very unstable and self harm a lot, have anger problems, and attachment problems. Once I was away from my mother, so living with my ex and his family, I didn't have attachment issues in a romantic relationship, even if that's not an actual "romantic relationship." I've never had the angry issues unless I'm being abused, which is a normal reaction. When I was out of an abusive environment, or better than my parent's my main issue of self harm and suicide attempts was no longer there.

It makes a lot of sense. I am no longer her supply and I interact with her very little so the effects of her aren't there much anymore. However she has already become bored of being a grandma. She'd rather play golf with my stepdad. I have asked her to come and watch her on days I have to go in to the office or special events when I don't want to take my daughter. That's the extent of her visiting her own granddaughter, if I didn't ask, I don't think she'd come at all actually. My dad, comes every week with a new toy for her and spends an hour or so playing with her. Yes they live in different places, my dad is 10 minutes away, my mom is 40 minutes away. I guess I should feel glad she spends less time with her, there is less chance of her messing her up, like she did to me.

This ties in to this social media account as the woman says her father is a narcissist and he raised her for the most part. She talks about her father this and her father told her to do that, etc. like she admires him. Which isn't a normal reaction to a narcissist but ok. She is one too, makes sense now and her revealing her true self and how she says the codependent women will eventually become narcissistic themselves, basically like she did. Believe me she says very vile things about women who stay or think they can change the narcs, so much so she has to turn her comments off. Now, I do agree to some extent they are to blame but her way of doing it is very bad. I've been in that situation of abuse, with my ex and tried to get him to change, even if I knew it was hopeless, I still tried until the abuse was so bad I left because there was no love left. With my husband, there was never a try to change, it was more of "it's not so bad, I can live with this" until I couldn't live with it anymore and started looking for a way out. Which is my current situation.

[a-mom-y-nous]

Small Beginnings

Since I always knew I'd have to work twice as hard to earn a decent living, I kind of prepared myself mentally... So the tough things I went through was okay... not easy, but okay. My high school years were next-level tough though ... I was bullied to the extent that I eventually went to school with my walkman (for those who still remember) and these old-ass earphones big enough to serve as earmitts (in fact they were pretty much the same size as the earmitts you buy at the local stores during winter nowadays. Psychologists say I tried to block out emotional pain. It was pretty much what it was, but I enjoyed what I listened to. So I didn't quite realize.I started writing poetry in high school too. I was very good at it. I guess I still am. But that was a time I could sit down with pen and paper, and feel, intensely, what I wanted to write about, and with sincere emotion wrote down what I felt in rhyme. That time we didn't, or I never knew about rhymezone.com, or any other digital platform for that matter, writing took time, and lots of effort. I guess if I really focused on poetry, I would just take off where I left; but I had my bubble burst the one day - I actually had a dream of becoming a poet, a writer, as such, until I did my own research, and read that poets don't really make money. I guess in biblical times, David wrote poetry for completely different reasons, and maybe Shakespeare had no idea what impact his poetry would have on society, and if he was still alive, I think he'd be a multi-millionaire; and maybe I do write beautiful poetry, but it's nowhere near the quality of Shakespeare....so off that bubble went... I have to admit that I was seriously disheartened when I learned that poetry doesn't really pay, after all the many, many years I devoted to it. But I figured I was good with words, that's when I initially started contemplating blogging... I heard the term somewhere, and somehow it made sense,,, but further than that I didn't really know much. It was only recently I stumbled upon (bearing in mind that my first website-attempt was a free .com wordpress website with only poetry, where I initially attempted the blogging-thing, but it soon ended, because I like seeing the results of things I do - which might be the reason I enjoyed sewing - it didn't take days or months to see the results of what I did - whether good or bad. I'm not saying that I was an expert at sewing, but I enjoyed what I did, and there were things I did really well.I would have to admit that sewing was not my talent. Though it might've been my mother's, and I sat with her countless hours, learning just about everything she knew (and she did sewing for 30 years), it was just not my thing. I enjoyed words... which led to me thinking that I have a very unique life-story and talent with words; but I was an introvert. I had a strange relationship with myself, firstly. I enjoyed being in between people, and didn't mind having the spotlight on me, but I, in myself, didn't quite like myself as much - the way I looked, or acted, to myself. I realised I was weird. Now, it doesn't bother me. But I didn't like my own company as much.Now I've made peace with my level of weird, and I enjoy my own company. I think of silly things, and I can laugh at myself, and not worry what people think...If anyone were to ask if I was okay, I have the ability to laugh it off.So the dream of motivational speaking is still there, I guess, but after I got married, I realized that in fulfilling my dream of motivation - why not start at home. It was the perfect opportunity - my husband had lost his work and we started a new venture. So motivating and encouraging was what I did... And I figure that it pretty much paid off. But you'll have to stay tuned to learn more 

[marieanneline]

wait wait hold up i am actually seething about the reveal

ya boi's not a dabi stan. at all. the only reason i'm remotely interested in his character is if he's actually related to shouto and how that would affect hero society in general. i remember reading the training camp arc, seeing him being one of the villains there, him saying todoroki's full name, and thinking "SIBLINGS?????" because agshdfjlk their EYES are SO SIMILAR!! i really want to give credit to horikoshi being able to portray their similarities from artstyle alone because that's talent.

(it's more apparent in the anime since you see the eye color— but appearance-wise, shouto takes after rei and dabi takes after enji the most, so this definitely isn't the best photo to prove my point...)

anyways,,,, dabi's ideals of heroics fall in line with stain's ideals and so we all already theorized how if he was the long lost big brother touya, it would be because of the fact that his father really wasn't a hero. this makes sense. and so, we're all fucking right. props to us, really, and props to horikoshi for all the foreshadowing because i had fun :)) in terms of story and plot, i think this reveal is fantastic.

alright, on to why dabi is a dick

(i'm assuming this was his choice and no one pressured him after all)

the todoroki family is on the road to recovery!!

- shouto finally visits his mother back in season 2 and visits her every chance he gets. you see the effort he makes and it's nice to see him change from season 1 to 2 (early-roki!!)

(guys he even sends her letters- look at that sparkle by his face!! he's sweet :)) and rei's smile!!!!)

- enji (whether we wanted it or not, i don't mind much personally) is trying to atone for everything he's done to his family

- natsuo, who originally wasn't fond of shouto because he had their father's attention (although he does come to the horrible realization that shouto was one of the most unfortunate) and mother's attention (because she wanted to protect shouto), has a closer relationship with his little brother now (can you believe he didn't even know shouto's favorite food was cold soba until ch. 192?? i was sobbing). he really regrets the prejudice he had against shouto and he's trying to be an actual brother to him now.

- rei's almost recovered enough to be released from the hospital!!

- fuyumi and her idyllic "happy family"– wHICH, BY THE WAY, ALMOST CAME TO FRUITION. their mother coming home, shouto connecting with his siblings, and enji being not-the-way-he-was-before is the best outcome they could have hoped for. and it was happening.

and i realize that all of that setup is for this very moment

this? this. this. this is being broadcasted. to everyone. that means the citizens know that their new #1 hero is directly related to a member of a really bad villain organization (i almost called it a terrorist group oop-).

by ruining endeavor, the citizens faith in heroes will collapse. this also affects shouto's reputation as an upcoming hero, and i am so terrified of what this could mean for him. imagine your career ending before it even started, just when you found your passion for being a hero again. all that progress he's made for himself since starting UA could be seen as pointless to him and i would hate for him to retrogress like that because it's not his fault. i would absolutely hate it if the media starts bashing shouto for being related to a villain, when he was also a victim of abuse.

seeing this look on shouto's face is making me dehydrated istg i'm fucking SOBBING— he doesn't even look angry!! in the last few chapters he was angry and worried for his friends, teachers, father maybe, other heroes... but he just looks sad. and the fact that the panel chooses to show the left side of his face is.... there's so much to unpack.

but yeah, this is being broadcasted. does fuyumi know? the cameo she had showed her working so maybe not. natsuo's cameo showed that he was at a lecture, so he also probably didn't see.

but rei did. that's like- that's the person i would want to keep this from the most.

the effects of this entire reveal genuinely scare me. how will this affect rei's mental state? she'll realize that what enji did is actually so much worse. their first child being a villain?? i'm terrified for how she'll react, she's doing much better in recent chapters after all. her kids are visiting her, shouto sends her letters to keep in touch, and enji sends her flowers and respectfully keeps his distance. i really don't want this reveal to result in a relapse. and if she does relapse, then fuyumi's ideal of a happy family is once again out of arms reach. the future of their mother finally coming back home is so far away again and it's genuinely so heart-breaking.

:(

plus— how will fuyumi's little elementary school students react to her being related to a villain? will the school fire her because of her connection to a villain and how that might cause concerns for students and parents????

it's also hard to say exactly how this will affect shouto and natsuo. natsuo was the closest to touya when they were kids so what would his whole opinion be of what touya's become? will he have a moral crisis?

in terms of moral crisises, i guess i'm more concerned about shouto. the boy knows he wants to forgive his father, but this is just making it so much harder. and after this, will he still want to? and finding out that his own sibling is a villain... remember the stain arc? there were some parallels between midoriya's, iida's, and todoroki's positions in the last chapter and i'm worried about what that could foreshadow. from that arc alone, we know that shouto doesn't agree with stain's views at all [i forgot what he said but it was really compelling]. we know that dabi's a stain follower though, so will this disrupt shouto's sense of justice? i hope not.

but family has always been kind of a weak spot for shouto, hasn't it? i hope this doesn't affect his resolve to be a hero because i do think that there's a way to– somehow– not have a corrupt hero society and i want him to fight for that.

touya being a villain is perfectly valid though, i don't doubt that. it's just disheartening to address that while every other todoroki was working hard to become a normal family, here's their oldest brother, who's not really dead. what's going to become of that altar at their house now?

learning the extent to touya's hatred towards endeavor is truly terrifying. we know enji is or was a horrible person and his redemption arc is based on the very fact that he can't be forgiven, despite some of his family trying their best to do so or at least get over it. but the fact that touya has even thought about killing shouto? that's just. ouch. touya's definitely gone through too much abuse, and all of the todoroki family problems are because of enji's bad parenting. but this does not justify murder and especially that of his younger brother, who also got the brunt of the abuse.

needless to say, i am a fool. i don't know if anything i just said will ever be true, but the important thing to take from whatever the heck i just shat out is that all of this is/could be a result of this reveal. it's the fact that dabi seems to have no sympathy. it's the fact that he doesn't care if his blood related family crashes and burns. really, if this is solely about endeavor and what he did, there's no need to bring the rest of the family into this. rei was sent to a hospital for god's sake. shouto has a scar. it's excessive and unmoral and although questionable ethics and values are key traits of a villain, it doesn't justify how much he's hurting the todorokis.

(look at this shit eating grin he has. no remorse. he really doesn't give a shit about the others but I DO and I'M so SAD)

and assuming that the whole "endeavor's wife admitted into hospital" was swept under the rug in terms of media, will that suddenly come back to light? because it shouldn't. maybe it should be known that she's in the hospital because of marital abuse but either way rei should not be dragged back into this disaster, and neither should the rest of them. there's also a chance that the media will accuse rei of having abused her kids too, which is messed up for different reasons. they're trying so hard to have any semblance of a normal family, and if dabi's way of revealing this to the world ruins that in any way then i hATE THIS REVEAL ASDFGHJKL—

[shadow-night]

Bounty Hunter in the Shadows Chapter 1

More chapters here on Ao3.

Story Tags: Erasermic, Friends to Lovers, young Aizawa Shouta, young Yamada Hizashi, Slow Burn, Slice of Life, Hurt/ Comfort, Angst and Feels, Comedy, Fluff, mental breakdown, PTSD, flashbacks, self-medication, drug use, homelessness, homeless Aizawa Shouta, unhealthy coping mechanisms, survivor guilt, cats, growing gp, character study, character development, recovery

Chapter 1: Aizawa and Yamada

Finally graduation day arrived. Aizawa held his UA high school diploma in his hands. This was a joyous occasion – or at least it should be. He should feel proud, which he did to an extent. Aizawa could not help but find the entire event nostalgic before it was even over.

He was a little proud he managed to pull through and finished school, graduating from the most famous hero school in Japan no less, but he also felt a deeply routed guilt. Yamada was joking and laughing with friends. Everyone was loud and happy, yet someone was missing.

Yamada tore Aizawa from his thoughts as he excitedly called out to him. Aizawa put on a teasing smile, silencing him with a quirk and vanished. It was meant as a joke but it also was great to escape his classmates.

Aizawa rolled his eyes at the endless amounts of texts Yamada sent him. He could practically hear the disappointed yelling while reading about how he had missed all the group photos. He didn't even bother to listen to the voice messages or pick his phone up when it rang. Aizawa went home and relaxed on his bed, knowing his foster parents wouldn't get home until later.  He wondered what would happen if he left right this moment without another word to anyone. His suitcase was already packed.

A new message lit up his phone's home screen. Aizawa reached for the device, only now bothering to look at the chat.

Yamada:

We're all going out to eat tonight. Will you come?

Aizawa:

No. I promised them dinner.

It was true. He had promised his foster parents a ‘goodbye dinner’ before moving out. It was the reason why he didn't leave right this afternoon. They were decent people and were kind enough to give him space and not pressure him into spending more time together, so when they asked if he would have dinner with them tonight he couldn't say no.

Yamada:

But you're leaving tomorrow morning, right?! When will we see each other again??

That was a good point. It still hadn't quite sunken in that they would not be back at school again soon. They wouldn't just leave school for a weekend or a holiday, but forever. Aizawa almost regretted not staying longer at school now, though he also knew that it wasn't his thing. Seeing everyone excited for the future and sad they would part would have been a little too much. He was happier alone in his bedroom.

Yamada:

Can I come over?

 Aizawa:

What about dinner?

 Yamada:

We meet later. I'll come over.

Well. Now that that was decided all there was left to do was to wait for the energetic blonde. Wherever Yamada had been, he couldn't have been too far from his home. He was out of breath when, ten minutes later, he rang the doorbell non stop until the door was opened for him.

"Come on in." Aizawa said and they headed over to the brunet's room, where they sat down on the bed. At least Aizawa sat down. Yamada flopped onto the mattress still trying to catch his breath.

"You could have walked here." Aizawa noted.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to miss any more time! Who knows when we'll see each other again!" Yamada said.

"You're the one who wanted to work in America." Aizawa reminded him.

"I knoooow." Yamada whined, but then a grin returned to his face. "But I'm sure it's gonna be awesome!" he said determinedly.

"Just don't start talking to me in English all the time." Aizawa said and realized that he really would miss Yamada.

During their first year at U.A. he did not get particularly close with anyone but Shirakumo and  Yamada. In their second year Aizawa had allowed himself to befriend Kayama a little. The cat Aizawa and Shirakumo found and gave to her had helped a lot in terms of befriending the girl who was a grade ahead of them.

After Shirakumo's death Aizawa made sure it stayed that way and distanced himself from others. He couldn't bear the thought of getting close to someone again only to loose them later. He looked at Yamada who lay on his back next to him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Aizawa didn't want to think about how he would react if anything happened to the blonde.

"What train will you take tomorrow morning?" Yamada suddenly asked.

"Why? Don't tell me you want to meet me at the station." Aizawas tone was flat and seemingly uninterested.

"Ehhhh? Why not?!"

"You'll be hung-over." Aizawa stated.

"What? You really think us aspiring pro heroes will succumb to underage drinking?!" Yamada called out in mock surprise as if they hadn't- together in fact- gotten drunk before. Then he turned more serious. "I'd still come if you told me what time the train left." Yamada claimed.

"At 8:00 in the morning? Are you sure?" Aizawa said, a small smirk ghosting on his lips.

"Damn. That's early. Why are you torturing yourself like that?" Yamada asked, knowing how much Aizawa hated getting up early himself. Though, to be fair Aizawa seemed unhappy about getting up at any time. Insomnia was a real pain in the ass.

"I'll still come." Yamada said.

Aizawa just gave a low hum.

"You don't believe me! You'll see. I'll be there!" Yamada bumped his fist into Aizawa's shoulder.

"I didn't say anything." Aizawa said, raising his hands, showing his palms.

"Anyways." Yamada huffed. "You'll have to send me pictures of your apartment when you get there, alright."

"It's shitty. Nothing worth showing off." Aizawa protested.

"I don't care. I just want to see pictures."

"I'll send you pictures of the cockroaches I'll room with." Aizawa teased.

"Please don't!" Yamada looked horrified.

"You get those or nothing." Aizawa shrugged. This was nice. It was easy banter, just the two of them, nothing too overwhelming.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Yamada's eyes landing on Aizawa's packed suitcase.

Yamada had been surprised when Aizawa told him he would leave Musutafu the day after their graduation. He himself would travel to the US soon after the school year ended, but his flight went a week after graduation, giving him enough time to say goodbye to classmates and family. Well, Aizawa could count the friends he had on two fingers and he also did not have much family. Yamada did not know Aizawa’s host family particularly well but the few times he met them they seemed nice. Yamada could not help but wonder if Aizawa left so soon because he felt uncomfortable around them or if it had to do with Aizawa's general attitude and mood ever since their work study ended in their second year.

Yamada had a great support system at home but it was difficult mourning their dead friend himself and helping Aizawa at the same time. Shirakumo's death hit them both hard, though Aizawa definitely had a less healthy way of coping and far less support or people who didn't offer the support he needed which ended in him changing host families a month after their work study. It had been painful to watch Aizawa train in the Gym to the point he was so exhausted he fell asleep in their classes. Yamada had done his best to be there and watch Aizawa as often as he could, sometimes even training with him. It made them grow closer over time.

"You've got to take care of yourself." Yamada broke the silence.

Aizawa frowned, then looked away from the blonde. "You too."

"Hey, you missed out on all the pictures we took, let's take some now!" Yamada changed the subject. They wouldn't see each other in quite a while so they shouldn't just mop around. Aizawa was not impressed by the idea, but when Yamada sat up on the bed and sat right next to him he tilted his head towards the blonde as he held up his phone. Within minutes Yamada's camera roll filled up with new pictures of them both.

"You should leave soon, if you don't want to be late." Aizawa said eventually as he took notice of the time.

"I guess." Yamada said and sat up on the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright?" He reminded Aizawa.

"Don't trouble yourself. It will be fine if you don't." He said.

The door fell shut and Aizawa stood alone in the quiet house. Dinner with his foster parents also was a quiet affair. He appreciated that. They did not try to get him to talk more than usual or try to talk him out of things last minute. They asked if he finished packing and if he still needed something, as if anything was worth the trouble of going out this late at night. There were plenty of stores with the same products where he moved. He let them know he had everything he needed and stayed seated at the table after dinner. They drank tea and let it sink in that things would be different from now on.

The night seemed to drag on forever and Aizawa barely slept. He got up early, even earlier than he had to, so he could make breakfast for everyone. He made his host parents favorite tea, put six slices of bread in the toaster oven and got out a pot to make miso soup. He didn't have to cook but even he could make something as simple as miso soup with tofu and seaweed. He set out the jam for the bread and got out some plates when his host parents came out.

Aizawa checked his phone when he got his suitcase after breakfast. No new messages showed up. The blonde sent him a few photos during the night, so Aizawa knew his classmates drank alcohol and stayed up until the early morning hours. He tried to ignore the slight pang in his chest. It was good Yamada had fun last night. He should rest now. They could talk over the phone later, he told himself pocketing his phone. He looked around the room one final time. It was clean and he already pulled the sheets off and put them into the washing machine.

"Remember you can call us anytime." His host mother told him as they stood in the entrance. Aizawa gave a slight nod to signal he heard her as he tied his shoes.

"Don't hesitate to ask for help." Her husband added.

"Thank you. For everything." Aizawa said, looking them in the eyes. He even gave both a hug before he stepped outside and pulled his suitcase to the station.

When Aizawa arrived at the nearest tram station, he realized he gave Yamada the time his other train would leave from the bigger train station. So even if the blonde intended to come he might have thought of the wrong place. He checked his phone but no new notifications showed up. Aizawa pocketed his phone as the tram came to a stop. The small tram was packed with people going to work and Aizawa shuffled to the door, pulling his suitcase as close as possible. He gave an apologetic nod to an older lady close to him. Aizawa focused his eyes outside the window looking at the familiar houses and stores passing by.

Finally the tram reached the central station. He arrived with some time to spare and checked his phone while he stood waiting at the platform. He felt a little forgotten but tried his best to push the feeling aside. He told Yamada not to worry about coming, so it wasn't fair to be mad at him for not showing up.

He could hear his train enter the station and then, even louder than the arriving train his name. "Aizawaaaaaaa!" He knew that voice.

Aizawa turned around to the direction the call had come from and saw Yamada running into the station. Several people held their ears and stared at the blond in irritation. He would have to get to this platform, but the train just arrived so there was enough time. Aizawa couldn't help but smile.

When Yamada finally came running down the stairs he looked like he would throw up any second. "The things I do for you." he huffed out of breath when he came to a stop in front of Aizawa.

"I told you, you didn't have to come." Aizawa said, but his smile gave him away.

"Please just tell me you are happy to see me so that it was worth coming." Yamada begged. He wore a t-shirt with an unidentifiable stain on it and one of his shoelaces was open. He was very pale and his unstyled hair hung in his face.

"Yeah. I'm happy." Aizawa gave in. "Thank's for coming." He said just as Yamada stepped away from him and threw up over the other side of the platform where no train was.

"Are you alright?" Aizawa asked, holding the other's hair back. Other people were stared more or less subtly.

"Ugh..." Yamada groaned. Aizawa glanced at the clock, "Wait here. I'll be right back." He said and jogged to a vending machine to get some water.

"Thank's." Yamada said after he washed his mouth out and took a sip. "Sorry about that." He said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Do you need money for a taxi back?" Aizawa asked.

"No, no! It's fine. Keep your money! I still have some." Yamada said. He pulled his walled out in demonstration. He knew Aizawa did not have much saved up and he doubted he suddenly accepted more from his host family.

"If you're sure." Aizawa said.

"Actually, let me pay you back for this." Yamada held up the bottle Aizawa just got him.

"It's just water." Aizawa shook his head.

"Alright. Thanks." Yamada put his wallet away again. They stood in silence for a moment after that.

"Well...-" Yamada tried to break the silence.

"I have to get on the train soon." Aizawa said at the same time.

"Ah...right. Well...I'll hear from you soon right? Send pictures!"

"Of roaches. Sure." Aizawa couldn't help but tease with a smirk.

"I got up and came all the way here and this is how you thank me?!" Yamada said so loud he winced himself. He hadn't even spoken that loud but with his head already pounding every decibel felt like too much.

"We'll see." Aizawa said and reached for his suitcase. Should he give Yamada a hug? His arms twitched, though he kept them at his side. "Get some rest." he said, taking a step back.

"You too!" Yamada nodded, wincing once more at his own volume.

"Thank's for coming." Aizawa said, standing in the train's doorway. "Bye."

"Bye." Yamada said a little quieter now, but with a smile on his face while he waved. The blonde was always so positive and energetic. It was nice. Aizawa waved as the door closed, then moved to look for his seat.

It was a window seat and he waved once more once he sat down. Yamada waved with two arms as the train began to move.

This was it.

Aizawa's chest felt tight as the train drove out of Musutafu. So many memories were connected to the city. Good, as well as bad. He gulped down the lump that formed in his throat and pressed his shirt's sleeve against his eyes. A new chapter of his life started with his move to Naruhata. There was no turning back now.

More chapters of Bounty Hunter in the Shadows on Ao3 :)

[crispycreep69]

Maybe a side story for the memory dream thing but BEN has to see the reader enduring some type of abuse, bullying, trauma ect While she's seeing his drowning experience? And maybe BEN never new about it so he's utterly shocked and she had gone through that because she's such a loving happy person? I'm sorry this is just me wanting to vent tbh.

This turned out being longer than I’d expected... also I didn’t know what kind of trauma so I picked something and ran with it. If you have a certain scenario then feel free to send it in and I’d be more than happy to write it. This is something I went though, but it wasn’t as dramatic as this- lol I just kinda wanted to traumatize reader. 

warning: blood mentions, bad crash, I wash too lazy to proof-read so... there might be typos

Ben gazes lovingly into your eyes, squeezing your hands once. He nods to the nameless man behind you. You grasp his hands tighter in your own as you watch the needle inject into his neck and see his head roll back as his consciousness fades away.  Snow whips around him as he enters the scene. He looks around, confused as to why your memory seems to be in the middle of a wintery forest. He walks along the given trail, large pines casting foreboding shadows, heavy piles of snow dropping from their limbs as he continues onward. Loud buzzing echoes in the distance like.. machines of some sort drawing near. Three of the snow-drivers pass by, a fourth making its way when suddenly a shout resonates. The noise bouncing from tree to tree, echoing around him as he watches the snowmobile descend downwards off the cliffside. The two people stuck on it seem to try their best to hold on for dear life, but one drops off, getting sucked under the machine with a sickening crunch and scream. Red stains the snow, but the descent continues.The second seems to be able to hold on for a little bit longer, rolling with the machinery, a muffled grunt echoing as the weight falls upon her. You gasp as you're stuck there in the snow, the weight of the machine crushing your smaller frame. The snowmobile finally seems to recognize that something was wrong, the red clip most likely haven been pulled when the driver fell off. The buzz is cut off as the motor dies down, leaving you whimpering underneath it. Ben acts before he can think shouting out.

"Don't move!" As he attempts to climb down to you. You look up to find from where the noise came from, hoping that someone from your party had noticed the fall and come to rescue you both. Your neck barks in protest at the small movement, a pang of fear shooting through you as you could only guess what that means. You struggle underneath the weight, hardly able to breathe. 

"Help! Get this... off of me!" You shout, panting from the lack of good oxygen. Your mind suddenly remembers your friend. You're barely able to turn your head to see her body laid strewn across the bloody snow. You shout her name- telling her to move or groan or whimper. Anything to let you know she was still alive. Ben recognizes the friend. You'd brought her with you a few times to some events and parties. He'd had no idea that you two had gone through this together. Your heart drops as she gives no response. Adrenaline shooting through you as you finally manage to push the machine off of you and further down the hill. The snow slopes unevenly beneath your now freed form, you shoot a hand out to catch on a tree so you don't follow the gravity. A muted pain spreads through you at even that simple action, but you ignore it. You shiver from the energy rush, eyes wide as you climb up to where your friend is stuck. You roll her over, whispering her name gently, afraid of what you might find when you view her face.Her eyes give a flutter, barely there, but it's a sign of life. You breathe a sigh of relief, the previous adrenaline starting to leave you- allowing you to feel the extent of your injuries as you gasp again. Your hands fly to your stomach. Ben finally manages to make it to where the both of you lay, you holding your friend in your arms just to be sure that she remains breathing. Somewhere along the crash both of your helmets had been thrown off. 

"Hey.. I told you not to move, we need to find help," Ben says as he finally reaches you both. You jump from the sudden, unfamiliar, voice. You'd been too focused on making sure that your friend was ok to even begin noticing the surrounding area. 

"Who are you?" You question, immediately on the defence. Ben is taken back by your response, worry flashing through his eyes. He finally remembers that this isn't the you he knows. 

"I'm just... a traveller. I saw your crash. Is everyone alright?" He responds. Your breathing is erratic as you try and focus on anything but the pain spreading through your limbs. You could only imagine what kind of injuries you had received.  "No," you respond, warmth dripping onto your skin. The blood from your friend. “No one is ok, we need to," You gulp, heat blinding your vision as black spots dance around. 

"We need help." You finally choke out .

"Hey.." He seems to notice your swaying as your head feels limp, your limbs going weak. 

"Hey you need to stay awake. Open your eyes for me." You shake your head, trying to shake away the woozy feeling. Your party must have seemed to finally noticed the accident as you hear snowmobiles approach and shouts resonate into the ravine. Ben manages to catch your form as you finally give into the darkness. Ben awakes with a gasp, searching for you immediately. You place a hand on his face, rubbing your thumb on his cheekbone as he comes back to you. He grasps your other hand in his, squeezing tightly. You're the first to speak. 

"I spent six months in a hospital." You say, he opens his mouth to speak but you continue. "I started to hate life. I started to hate the kind nurses who even dared walk into my room smiling. I started to hate the optimistic physical therapist who would shout encouragement. I started to hate the people who were living their lives while I was stuck in an endless hell." Your name leaves his lips, but you don't give him a chance. "When I was finally released... I didn't even want to leave my room. I didn't know how to come back from it. How to continue on like nothing had happened. Six months of my life wasted. I didn't want to deal with the pity and looks of concern as I limped past. It wasn't until one day I realized... I wasn't going to stop being miserable until I helped myself. My trauma doesn't define me. It happened- and now I needed to live with it." His eyes trail downwards to your right leg, sure he'd seen you start to limp a few times here and there after a long day of walking, but he'd never known why... or had he been too careless to ask. His hand leaves yours to rest on your thigh. "Eventually.. I healed. I came back and made my life what it was going to be. I wasn't gonna let this stop me. I stopped hating everything, I stopped being so angry. Sometimes the biggest strength is being able to take the punches in life and smile through it." You finish, giving him a big grin. 

"I'm so" He begins sadly, but stops himself at the look of exasperation you give him. He laughs then. "You amaze me, you really do." He pulls you in for a kiss, holding you close to him. "I could really take a lesson or two from you, you're so much stronger than I could ever hope to be."

[hazbbyhaz]

sleepless || harry styles

four

pairing: Harry Styles x OC

synopsis: the party

disclaimer: slander of Elton John, self doubt,

Someday, it could be more than we intended

“Can I help you with anything?’’ Avery jumped at the sudden voice and felt her heart start to race. The middle-aged man behind the counter of the vinyl store was looking in her direction with a raised brow.

“Yeah,” She nervously plays with the hem on her cardigan. “I need a present for a… friend.”

He nods and rounds the corner of the counter, making his way towards her. “What does he listen to?”

“I don't know… But he is turning 22,” Avery stammers as the man starts to sift through several boxes filled with old vinyl. “And he is called Harry.” She adds quickly before realizing that his name says little to none about his music taste.

He sighs and pulls out a colorful record. “Well, everyone likes the Beatles I guess, but I only have two of their albums.”

“Do you think he already has it?” She asks, still studying the bright cover.

The guy frowns at her before sighing again. “I don't know, it's in their top three, and if he likes the Beatles he probably does.”

“And that one?” she points at another brightly colored album cover. Since Avery didn't know much about the music she decided to go with a pretty one.

“That's Elton John, not very good in my opinion, but he has an album with a Beatles song on it.”

She takes the vinyl and flips it around to look at the tracklist. One of the tracks was titled I'm Going To Be A Teenage Idol which, at least in her opinion, fits well with her with Harry’s I'm a rockstar exclamation. “I will take this one.” She smiles handing it to the cashier.

The guy nods and makes his way back behind the counter to ring it up. “Should I wrap it up?” He asks while Avery searches her bag for her wallet.

“No, thank you. I'm going to.”

“I was kidding.”

“Oh, sorry.”

It was half-past seven when Avery left the second-hand vinyl shop and made her way back to her flat. She could have bought the present earlier, but she had only decided this morning that she was going to go to the party. After reading Harry's letter she thought he was mental. Parties weren't Avery's scene, but this morning unjustified guilt overcame her and she decided to go.

At home, she wraps the record in wrapping paper she had bought while she was out. It was brown with little bees sprinkled all over it, in the store she thought it was cute but now that she is looking at it, it seems quite childish. “Well, you've got nothing else to use, so this will just have to do.” She whispers to herself.

She decided on wearing a pair of jeans and a red sweater, hoping that Harry's flat would be warm because she despises the cold. With the bee wrapping paper covered vinyl under her arm and her keys and tube card in hand, she leaves her flat at eight o’clock.

Saying that Avery was just nervous when she hopped off the tube in Farringdon was a huge understatement. Farringdon is at the border of the city of London, where everything was very nice and incredibly expensive, she had never felt more out of place.

Ignoring her racing thoughts about all of this she makes her way out of the tube station, following the directions on her phone until she is stood outside a very pretty house. The music and flashing lights coming from the windows on the third floor was a sure sign that she was in the right place.

Avery opens the door, gripping the present a bit tighter. They’ll think you’re stupid. Why would you go for the bee wrapping paper? That’s so childish. They’ll laugh at you.

She keeps her gaze on the floor, stumbling up the stairs until she is standing in front of a dark green door, decorated with three balloons. While Avery is still debating whether she should ring the doorbell or knock, someone shoves her from behind. She stumbles forward, nearly crashing into the door. The couple gives an apology before they disappear into Harry's flat.

The girl takes a few steps back from the green door. “I can't do this,” Avery mumbles. “I can't do this… No. I can do this. It's just a party.” She takes a deep breath before entering the flat.

Inside she is immediately greeted by many flashing lights and a lot of people. Most of them are talking to one another, some are dancing. She spots the couple who had accidentally shoved her in the corner of her room making out. The smartest thing is to find Harry first so she could get rid of the present as soon as possible.

Luckily Harry isn't far from her, as she spots him just across the room. As she makes her way to him her nerves What up again. He is standing around and talking to multiple people, two tallboys and a shorter brunette girl. Just the thought of talking to him around them made Avery unexplainably nervous.

As Harry turns around there is an eminent frown on his face until he sees Avery. His smile grows and two dimples make an appearance on his cheeks. “Avery the journalist! I can't believe you made it.” He steps forward, immediately wrapping his arms around her tiny frame, he feels her stiffen and contract inter herself, but just brushes it off.

“Hey.” She nervously says, her hands gripping the vinyl tighter and tighter by the second. Her gaze moves to the three people around them, sending them a polite smile. The two guys smiled back at her while the girl just simply stared her down.

“What's that?” The brunette asks, nodding towards Avery's hand.

“A present, Jo. What else would it be?” Harry snaps back. “I'll see you guys in a bit.” He adds before lightly gripping Avery’s arm and leading her to the kitchen. The kitchen was way less crowded, there were far less people and the music isn't as loud.

“Present time!” Harry cheers. The big toothy smile on his face warms Avery's heart. It had been a long while since anyone appreciated her presence to any extent.

“I… I couldn't find any other wrapping paper… I'm sorry. I know it's kinda… ugly and-”

“I love it. Avery. It's cute.” he smiles, carefully peeling the tape off the paper to avoid ripping. As if he was going to use it again. As soon as he pulled the record out of the wrapping, she couldn't help but start rambling once again.

“I don't know much about music so I wasn't too sure about what was good, but I liked the song titles. I thought the Teenage Idol one fit you quite well.”

Harry watches her with a grin on his face. “Calm down. I love it, Okay? Elton John is the king of the piano. It's a great present. I really love it. Thank you.”

He pulls her into another hug, and this time Avery doesn't stiffen.

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[a-crimson-lion]

Further Discussion On Katsuki Bakugo

[Original Post Here]

@homez18

...I seem to have stumbled upon a rabbit hole which my hubris continues to lure me towards.

Because I genuinely want to have a discussion over your points (and I don't want to bog down my original post with too many reblogs), I'll move the discussions here.

[This isn't necessarily to flaunt my nonexistent superiority. I honestly think that you have a good argument going for Katsuki. I'm just seeing how my own analysis stacks on top of that. I'm no expert, but I'll give it my best shot. Also, spoilers for anyone else reading.]

Let's start with "I don't think Bakugo overestimates himself." This is an interesting point, which I believe does hold water. When I think about it, I realize that Katsuki actually suffers from a different problem, which I'll get back to later. As for "He's never shown to overestimate himself," that's... not entirely correct. As of late, I can think of at least TWO examples in the series where Katsuki could legitimately be overestimating himself. But first, let's address the basic issue.

9 times out of 10, Katsuki will UNDERESTIMATE his opponents.

This isn't without reason. Katsuki's strong, and he knows it. He's been strong since even before his quirk manifested, at least mentally. When his quirk kicked in, his strengths shifted to primarily physical, though he's still an intelligent person. However, even if he can gauge his own strength, he does an admittably horrible job of gauging others' strengths. Since he's been praised for nigh over a decade for having such a strong quirk, Katsuki's got the idea that he's among the best of the best. He might not be #1 yet, but he knows he's gonna get there eventually. The problem starts when he decides that everyone else is beneath him by default.

Don't tell me he doesn't underestimate others either when he tends to call everyone "extras" or just a crappy nickname (at least until he acknowledges them).

One instance where Katsuki distinctly underestimates his opponent is during the Battle Trial with Izuku. Granted, this is more of a hubris case than anything, considering Katsuki's absolute hatred for Izuku (that later does mellow out into begruding respect). The thing is, Katsuki knows Izuku has a quirk now. He knows his quirk is super strong (it beat his ball throw by 0.1 meters, after all) but there's still a part of Katsuki that believes Izuku is still a bug. He's still a worthless Deku, and to top it all off, Katsuki is convinced that Izuku hid his quirk from him since the start.

While his absurd self-centered persona is not the main focus, one must admit that Katsuki's hubris is a certain level of concerning.

So Izuku and Katsuki have a big showdown, and to Katsuki's surprise, Izuku pulls something else entirely. He manages to wreck the building above them, taking the explosion and allowing his team to pass. Katsuki thinks Izuku is looking down on him, but Izuku simply states that he wouldn't have used his quirk if he could have thought of someone else. And as Izuku collapses and the trial comes to a close, Katsuki is shaken by the fact that Izuku beat him. Worthless Deku beat Katsuki Bakugo, and he wonders if Izuku could beat him in other ways. Katsuki underestimated Izuku.

I've talked about Katsuki's obsession with strength previously, but the same idea applies here. If Katsuki wasn't so gun-ho on taking out the enemy (specifically Izuku) for the hell of it and actually tried to win the exercise, he might have been able to beat Izuku. But he's so caught up in his definitions of strength and victory that he ultimately falls flat, underestimating his opponent's capabilities to win, even indirectly. This dame idea comes back to bite Katsuki when Neito Monoma briefly takes possesion of Katsuki's headbands (granted, he does get them back later) because Katsuki didn't even bother paying attention to him, once again underestimating him.

Now, as I've stated before, Katsuki has overestimated himself at least twice. The first time was with All Might during the Final Exams. When All Might brings up his handicap weights, Katsuki has the gall to say that All Might's handicapping is "insulting." Katsuki knows that All Might is strong, he knows that All Might is the NUMBER ONE HERO, and suddenly handicapping himself is insulting? Granted, that's the same attitude he had against Shoto at the end of the Sports Festival, but just to put this scenario into perspective:

Katsuki is a 15 year old hero in training with a powerful quirk, a few months of experience, and versatile experience with his quirk among other strengths (including Battle Tactics).

All Might is an adult (age unknown) Pro Hero with a powerful quirk, years of experience, and, as a Young Katsuki once said: "No matter how bad things look, he always wins in the end!"

To put it simply, Katsuki is a Level 15 going against All Might, a Level 200 (whose handicap probably brings him down to Level 100).

Combined with Izuku (a Level 10 on his own), they might be a Level 30 (50 if I'm being generous) but All Might is still twice their skill combined, and Izuku and Katsuki's troublesome dynamic make it even more of a hinderance to fight against him. Katsuki even tries attacking All Might multiple times, even though he fails consistently each time, doing virtually nothing to change his strategy. It gets to the point where Katsuki gets straight up KO'd because he can't acknowledge that All Might truly is leagues ahead of him. Objectively, Katsuki knows that All Might is on another level, but subjectively? Shouldn't be too hard to beat him.

How would he have passed without Izuku again?

The second time Katsuki overestimates himself is actually fairly recent. Before Izuku and Katsuki head off to intern under Endeavor, they have a meeting with All Might. During that meeting, Katsuki remarks that he's be able to use all of One for All's quirks right then and there, whereas Izuku has only learned to *bloop* with his first new quirk.

Again, Katsuki is only focusing in the physical aspect of things, in this case OFA. We don't know exactly what All Might and Izuku told him about it, but I'd like to think they'd at least cover the basics of OFA's sentience. That, and the fact that since Katsuki is in on the All Might Tea Parties now, wouldn't he at least hear about Izuku's vision when he was undergoing the Black Whip episode? It's already been established that Katsuki has a strong quirk and is physically strong to an extent, but we've seen time and time again that his emotional strength needs some growing time. Plus, it has also been established that OFA gets a boost when it's motivated to save people. Katsuki has no such motives unless it benefits him. He's giving himself too much credit claiming he'd master OFA at that point.

Phew, that was long.

Otherwise, the rest of your argument is fair, homez18. Katsuki does fight to prove himself. He fights (and succeeds) to prove himself during the Entrance Exam. He fights to prove himself during the Quirk Apprehension Test (getting 3rd place and "losing" to Izuku in the ball toss, which pisses him off). He fights to prove himself in the Battle Trial (which is why he's so torn when Izuku wins). He fights to prove himself during all the events after that, like the Sports Festival or the Villain Attack at Camp. He does all that to prove himself.

The problem arises when he shuts out virtually everything else.

Yes, he should be mad at Shoto for not going all out at Katsuki during the Sports Festival, but he heard Shoto's backstory. He KNOWS Shoto hated his fire side, and saw how adamantly he refused to use it. He might not have heard what Izuku said to him in their fight, but Katsuki is so stubborn that he refuses to realize that people have issues beyond Katsuki. Not going all out against him is a personal slight. Being too weak is a personal slight. No one wins.

During the Villain Attack at Camp, Katsuki has every right to defend himself. But he's not defending himself. He's seeking out conflict because to him, fighting is the best part of being a hero. If he was truly defending himself, he'd have headed back to camp with Shoto, even begrudgingly so. Instead, he ignores Mandalay's warnings just because she brought up something about Izuku, and then narrowly avoids getting cut immediately afterwards, foreshadowing his poor choices.

TL;DR Katsuki tends to underestimate others more than he overestimates himself, and while he does fight with a warped sense of honor, it doesn't make his actions any more "noble."

Thanks for reading, homez18. I hope you enjoyed, and if you didn't? Well, that's on me I guess...

-Crimson Lion (24 September 2019)

[thisnerdsadventures]

a 2021 update

Ah, so I have forgotten to update in a million years, per usual

~ Random thought section ~

I woke up this morning and read this tweet thread about Alice Wu's director's note for her movie The Half of It. It's streaming on Netflix, and I highly encourage to go watch it, it's probably one of my favorite movies from the past few years. Anyways, she talks about how she produced the film while digesting the heartbreak of a friendship breakup - the whole thread hit me on a different level, but here's a quote that really hit home for me, especially a month from graduation: "The end of the film is each of their beginnings. And for my characters, I can think of no happier ending." We spend a lot of time worrying about the end of things and the uncertainty of things to come. Yet, there was a time where we worried about the exact same things for the very chapter we are now so nervous about leaving.

1. I'm nervous about leaving school and starting the..... rest of my life???

2. I'm nervous that my friends will slowly fade away. I'm nervous that they'll get on with their lives and I'll be slowly still trying to get my bearings, stuck in limbo.

3. I'm nervous that starting adulthood will be difficult because there are no more college orientations, no more awkward freshman dinners, perfect opportunities to meet new friends who are just as nervous as you are.

In writing this out, I felt a sense of deja-vu, like I had written these words before. So I just looked back at some of my posts right before entering college, and lo and behold:

08-18-2016: Today I said goodbye to one of my closer friends, and i realized that without even knowing it, Sunday’s party was the last time I would see some of my closest friends. It’s awful that way, that you don’t even know it’s the last time until it’s passed, and you’re left to pick up the the end of a chapter of a relationship from the scraps of an unexpected and improper farewell.

I feel like I’m in a weird twilight zone between college and high school where my present friends are all beginning to fade away to move on in their lives, and I’m yet to really meet anyone in my class yet, so at the moment,,,,,,there really isn’t anyone.

I wrote this less than a week from moving to Boston, and it's so shocking to me that I also experienced the "unexpected and improper farewell" part in senior year. It's almost the exact same thing that happened in COVID and is continuing to happen. You never know when the last time you might see someone might be, except instead of consolidated over the course of one pre-college summer, it's over the course of more than a year, the time that this pandemic has been going for.

And I hate that I said the "fade away and move on" thing verbatim, literally nearly five years ago. To be honest though, it's true, a lot of them did fade away and move on. But so did I, I wasn't left behind. To some extent, I was the one who did a lot of the moving away. And like many things in life, a couple of us continue to hang around, and maybe our friendships cycled in and out over college, but have come around again after a few years. I guess those are the ones that you know will stick around. The limbo period between chapters is a hard one, and it's nice to know that present-day me isn't the only one who has felt this. It's nice to know that past me met so many incredible people so fast, that I forgot this limbo period happened.

I know this part is getting a little long, but there's just a couple more snippets I want to share:

08-13-2016: I recently read Marina Keegan’s essay The Opposite of Loneliness, and one line resonated with me a lot: We’re so young. It seems silly and almost pretentious for me to think that this party would be so final, and yet it does, even though we have decades upon decades to build and connect or reconnect.

We’re so young, but that doesn’t stop the understanding that we are going to a new chapter in our lives and that it’s going to redefine our relationships. I hope it doesn’t change them too much.

I suppose much of the anxiety of going to college results from having to build my own community from the ground up again.... I tell myself the pieces will fall together and everything will be ok, but it doesn’t stop the increasing anxiety from, well, increasing.

I loved this collection of essays, if you haven't read it, I recommend you do. In moving around for so many years, I haven't been able to keep a lot of books in my possession, but I kept this one because that essay really hit home for me, and continues to, no matter what part of life I'm currently experiencing.

I think moving to college did change my relationships. But change is not a bad thing - your childhood friendships, the few of them that survive, end up strengthening and growing into adult friendships. And in the end, isn't that better than not changing at all? I'm hoping that a few of my college friendships will do that too - we'll go from college friends to family friends, and my kids will call them "Aunt" and "Uncle" and they'll grow up watching their parents talk for hours in the front yard before finally getting in the car and leaving for home.

08-13-2016: But hey, this is part of what I signed up for, I knew I wasn’t going to have much of an initial safety net, but I’m sure I’ll survive. We, as humans, always find a way to adapt right?

I think I survived and adapted. Not in the way I saw things going, but we can never really fully predict things, can we? One day, I'll learn to give myself a safety net for the next chapter, I'm sure. Today's not that day though.

Going back to her director's note, there was one more thing that just struck an emotional chord for me:

Fun fact, Alice Wu actually went to MIT for a bit before transferring to Stanford, and then she became a software engineer at Microsoft! I relate a little too much to her. Maybe one day I too will dump coding for my art form. But for now, in this above example, I relate far too much. I worked on my album, Imperfect, a little too obsessively this past winter while trying to digest the throes of heartbreak from one of my own friendships that ended. I still don't know if there was an ending for that friendship. I think I've spent a lot of time trying to put off the end, like a TV series that just keeps adding more and more seasons. Regardless of whether it needs to end or not (which I have not decided and will continue not to do so), I spent a lot of time thinking about who I was before and after that friendship, and I've concluded that a lot of who I am now, what my life looks like now is a result of that friendship. I'll give you a hint: I really like who I am now, compared to who I was before, and it showed me a lot of parts of life and friendship that I never expected would happen. That friendship was (is?) one of the most beautiful things that has happened to me in my life.

Let's finish off this reflective post with a quote from Khalil Gibran, that's kinda related to that point about how transformative the past can be, and how we're far better off in future chapters of our lives because of it.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

Again, if you haven't read his collection of poems, you should absolutely 100% drop whatever you're doing right now and do so! Wow, I really just assigned an entire reading list in this post.

I hope in making this movie, Alice found peace. I would hesitate to say that I found peace when making my album. I wrote a lot of songs about the heartbreak I felt from that whole experience. But the last song I wrote, "Best Friends," ends the whole thing on a positive note, that at the end of the day, I remember how my friends (past and present) literally saved my life and how things are looking a little better, and whatever happens, I hope my best friends will be there waiting for me, whoever they end up being.

- OK I PROMISE I DIDN'T SET OUT TO BE 100% SO EMO -

But yeah, I haven't really been doing much otherwise? I guess just tryna stay alive, I've been cooking a lot and cooking a lot of good good food, I did apply to an MBA program, I got my COVID vaccine (second shot this week!), I am excited to announce I am publishing a paper in my MEng lab, which is a really big accomplishment imo, I am thriving in my (1) econ class that I kept, even though I didn't realize we had readings assigned like for the past month, I went to try pastries from this Turkish bakery, I biked, probably, 15 miles over the past month, I've read at least 4 or 5 books this year so far, and am hoping to knock another one out today. Currently dying because trying to finish my thesis in like . a week, which is looking a little challenging, but I'm sure it'll happen!!!??

[rogue-bard]

Re: overly emotional Tony. I think some of it is projection. I can't speak for anyone else but I know that's why I read those types of Tony fics. I hide emotions all the time. The company I worked for didn't know I live with depression and anxiety until an episode got so bad and for so long that I couldn't go to work. My friends tend to react badly when I express those types of issues. "Badly" being they don't know how to handle it. I'm the mom!friend. (1 of 4)

(2 of 4) think it weirds them out switching gears. I feel I always have to hide the true extent in order to keep going, to not weird anyone else out. To keep from being written off as childish or a waste of space. A lot of times I wish it wouldn't be frowned upon to cry. When I'm so far gone that my skin feels too small, I wish I could go hide. It becomes nice to have fantasies in which strong characters have similar emotional vulnerabilities. First, it's nice to see myself.(3 of 4) Second, because it's usually written as not hated by friends and loved ones. In the fantasy, they don't think any less of the person. This, and again just for myself, gets projected on to Tony because he's the one who has the most noticeable and most criticized flaws. It's easy to see him that much more effed up. It's then soothing(?) to see others still concerned for /me/ him in spite of /me/ him being so pathetic.(4 of 4) I guess it's me projecting my own self hatred and wishful thinking about feeling cared for sometimes? I know it's out of character. No, Tony isn't one to cry over whatever he's dealing with. I know it's ooc. But I find it cathartic? That feels like the wrong word. I hope other people answer. I'm interested in seeing their reasons.

I hope you don’t mind that I publish this, but I would really like to answer it because I can relate at least to some extent.As someone who has been through a somewhat similar situation (though I realize every situation involving emotions and mental health is very different from each other and I’m not trying to say ‘Ooooh, I totally get you’ and just shrug you off like that!) I just want to tell you that in my experience, it’s not necessarily a bad thing if some “friends” fuck off if you’re going through depression - IF time has passed and you got a handle on it again.I say this with a lot of bitterness (or saltiness, as the internet likes to call it), but I’m happy to know that I cannot depend on these people and while I’m still friendly with them, they can ultimately suck my dick, now. Other friends will come back and apologize, which is a great thing too because they’ve learnt something, you’ve learnt something, and now you can maybe come to them if you’re going towards rock bottom again, because of what they’ve learnt.That said, I realize how badly it effects your mental health in the moment they leave and you’d rather need the bit of it that’s left. I’m sorry if I’m being the entirely unhelpful person that comes back from the dentist into the waiting room and tells the people there that it ain’t half bad after it’s done. :/But yeah, I got a lot better at hiding it, too, so I relate a lot to what you said.

While all you say about this being in fanfics is absolutely valid and important, I have a different “taste” when it comes to this, which is why I complain about there not being enough fanfic where Tony hides his negative (and positive) emotions better. Because he does have them in canon, and he’s most likely suffering from depression and/or is bipolar, I absolutely agree!But I think he hides it because he’s afraid of all the things you mentioned. And everytime I successfully manage to tell everyone that “I’m fine” or “Oh, it could be worse” or “It’s gonna be okay again :) Don’t worry!”, I get a stupid, childish kick out of thinking I’m handling it like Tony does, and it actually does help me to keep going.

But like I said, I do agree that fanfics (or canon works) with Tony (or anyone else) written as overtly emotional is important, because it helps people, and I’m happy it makes you happy.I’m just hoping to find some additional fanfiction in which Tony is more like me now. :)

And you’re probably tired of hearing it because it sounds like empty phrases, but I do mean it: It’s not pathetic to be depressed or emotional! It’s human.You don’t have to feel bad about it and if anyone gives you the impression you should, fuck them. There are unfortunately unhealthy people in everyone’s lives, and these are the ones in yours (I don’t mean they’re unhealthy, I mean they are bad for your mental health).People DO care and DO love you and are concerned for you. Hell, *I* am now, and I’m usually an unempathetic brick and don’t even know who you are. So I imagine your friends and family, or at least great parts of them, are even more concerned and want to be there for you even more.

If you want to talk to someone anonymously, you can keep messaging me?Or maybe there’s even a way to do this without me having to publish it, if you don’t want that (is there a way to answer privately to anon asks on tumblr, could someone please let me know?).