#but he can handle it. he’s not having flashbacks to everyone he’s ever tried to protect dying in his arms. he is *not* thinking about the

[quietwingsinthesky]

the first time river regenerates is under the care of jack, which is good because he has the (rare) necessary experience of knowing how to help someone who died a little and got better and bad because he now has to figure out a way to explain to amy pond why her daughter is now a completely different child without dying himself.

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Hermitcraft / Life Series Fic Recs

Because I love so many of them...

I'll split the fics into completed and updating fics, and try to only recommend currently updating fics (i.e., not abandoned). I'm going to write a little about why I like each fic and what the general vibes are - so this is also a kind of review I guess?

I've tried to @ the authors if they have a public tumblr. Sorry to anyone who didn't want to be tagged, I can remove any @ if you ask (or if I have embarrassingly tagged the wrong person). Anyway, enjoy, and I appreciate reblogs because I want as many people to see these fics as possible!!

This ended up being incredibly long so I'm putting a divider here. Click to keep reading!!! Also, fair warning: shipping ahead! Some fics will have mild sexual content, please read the tags if you are unsure <3

Updating Fics

I have already recommended Help Me To Breathe, lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart), and There Are Monsters Nearby in this post, so I won't explain why I like them a second time, but definitely check them out!!

Death's A Good Gig by @mawofthemagnetar is probably going to be finished by the time this post gets to you, reader, but I'm putting it here anyway. It's short and sweet, one of my favourite representations of Zedaph (or, Zedeath) I've read, and just a joy to experience. If you like grim reapers and discussions of unions, this one is for you. Also I need more Zedaph in my life.

Look, I'm Sorry, Please Stop Scaring Everyone by @cat-in-the-desert reminds me a lot of a particular TV drama I liked when I was younger, which followed a similar premise. This fic follows Mumbo (vampire) and Grian (ghost) as they get up to various housemate shenanigans and meet their local magic-expert and salesman Scar. This fic is fun, but still includes a nice amount of Feelings and hinted-at Angst which I really love. It's lighthearted, but never boring.

It Hurts To Hope by Inquillitory is my favourite of the "Grian crash lands into Hermitcraft and causes problems for everyone" genre. Seeing how many fics there are with that premise, I think that says a lot. It handles Grian's weird Watcher stuff really well. Honestly, I just want to know what happens next!

killing the boy in the tv by @raspberrystruck is like a sickfic on steroids. If you want Grian with so much past trauma he forgets how to function in society, this is basically the fic for you. I really love how hybrid traits affect the characters' interactions in this fic, and how everyone is kind of messed up because of the imbalance Grian brings. It is wonderfully descriptive in all the right places!

Love Me Like I'm Dead by @daniofcrows is such a gem. You know how hard it is to find good Xisuma whump? It's impossible. I absolutely love how Xisuma and Evil X are characterised in this, and I am obsessed with the unique take on hanahaki disease which I have never seen handled in this way before. The balance between flashbacks and present day is maintained wonderfully and I cannot wait to continue reading this one. Wow.

Oh, you wanted me to do a verse? by @bugbbear is... kind of indescribable. It's horror. It's comedy. It's the apocalypse. It's boatem. Scar eats someone. One of the most interesting and unique apocalypse stories I have read. Slowly updating but worth the wait, in my opinion. This one NEEDS more attention.

So Much For Stardust by @a-plethora-of-peters is basically one of my all-time favourites. Which is a damn good achievement seeing as I don't usually read ZITS fics. Like, ever. In this fic, Skizz is a human abducted and hurt badly by aliens, now recovering in the care of good aliens who don't know how 'sentient' he is. Every update of this one makes me smile, it is wonderful. I love how the characters are written and how the different perspectives are shown. It is just great.

Solar Waltz by @raspberrystruck and aroundtheclock is a brilliant and very very sad regression fic. I love fluffy regression fics as much as the next guy, but this one just... hits different. The hurt/comfort levels are off the charts. Grian is so damn cute the whole time, while also being harrowingly complicated and sad. I am so ready for whatever comes next.

Tango's Castle of Cards by @evilrat-sabre is the one where Tango is a BUG. He's just a little guy (horror). This one is so beautifully written, with poetry-type interludes and perspective changes that really make everything feel so much more impactful. Finding out your buddy is a murder bug isn't the easiest thing in the world. I love this so much.

Traveling Thieves {Dark Fantasy AU} (series) by @amethystfairy1 is basically one of the series of all time. I know I keep saying that but it really really is. I love a good fantasy au, and I love an au with hybrids even more. In this world, hybrids are treated like slaves, but it isn't all doom and gloom for the main characters of each installment. There is a lot of hurt/comfort and the different stories feed into each other in really interesting ways. I try to read as much as I can, though I've missed a few because my emails are buggy. Definitely worth reading these fics, especially since now they're all starting to come together!

Completed Fics

Solving Counting Sheep by @theminecraftbee might have rearranged my brain chemistry a little. Another strong contender for 'fics that inspire me to kill Grian', this time with a more concrete notion of "replacement". Three is my favourite fucked up living weapon. It's so rare to find Evo fics in this day and age, too. This fic had me immediately clicking on every update as soon as I got the emails.

Rescue Fire by @imaginethat0327 is one of the most unique takes on a fictionalised life series game that I have ever read. The whole concept is explained in a realistic and easy-to-follow way, as we learn what's happening with the characters. There are several brilliant storylines happening in this one, but my particular favourites are Jimmy & Tango, Joel, and of course Scar & Grian. This fic is full of whump and, well, read the tags, it isn't always pleasant, but those are my favourite things ever. Definitely worth checking out this fic and its currently updating sequel.

don't you know about me? by takenbadgering is a wonderful comedy of errors with just the right amount of angst for a realistic setting type of fic. If you enjoy polyamory miscommunications, rave aesthetics, kandi, school teacher dynamics, and a lovely blend between grumbo, cubscar, and mumscar, this is the one.

Eventually the Birds Must Land by @milo-hypno follows a polyam ship I would have never thought of, and I cannot believe how much I loved it. This married-as-friends fic premise is wonderful, and captures the main trio (Grian, Mumbo, Impulse)'s personalities so well, while balancing them with the incredibly terrifying descriptions of the Watchers and their power. There's a lot of angst here, but it is ultimately hurt/comfort to the maximum degree. I loved reading it as it updated. Yay for gay marriage!

From The Archives (series) by @sixteenth-days was the absolute inspiration for my own Comms AU, and I will never forget its influence on me. As someone basically unfamiliar with TMA, I thought this series might be hard to follow, but it was not! I read all 57 parts in the span of two days, and I think it altered my brain chemistry. Please read it, even if (especially if) you don't know anything about TMA. The Cleo and Grian storyline lives in my head rent free. I mean it. This is horror at its finest. Also there's an audio series of this fic being released rn, which is very cool.

SUPERCRITICAL by @masque-of-plague hits different. It is such a wonderful take on the superhero/HotGuy trope, and it gets so super dark at some points! This one really takes swings at it's fictional government, which of course I love, while at the same time building this brilliantly emotional relationship between Scar and Grian. I do enjoy a bit of enemies to lovers, but the actual plot mixed into the story makes this one extra special. It is thrilling, with action that I don't get to see too often! Great work.

I am weary with contending! is one of the mumscarian fics of all time. From 'this house has people in it'-type horror, to magic gone wrong, to childhood trauma, to attempted assassination, to gender fuckery, this fic has it all. Usually I don't go for convex siblings, but this one is good enough to get a pass from me. Amazingly detailed worldbuilding alongside a brilliantly creative story.

It Spreads by @foxxology may not count as a fic, actually. It's a comic. But it's posted on ao3 so it counts. I was obsessed with this one as it was updating, honestly. It rocked me to my core. The art is phenomenal. The writing is brilliant. I love sculk.

Luck of the sea by Sleepy_Duck is a lovely take on mermaid and human interactions, with Grian as a marine life conservator and Scar as a very neglected mer. This one takes us emotionally in all sorts of directions, and offers lots of hope for the future of the characters. I heavily enjoyed this fic - if you like mermaids and marine biology, check it out.

there are many downsides to being a marine biologist by donnerstag is another mermaid fic but with a pretty different vibe. First of all, it follows what I would consider a rarepair Doc/Martyn. Second of all, reading this as it updated was a thrilling experience that nearly made me cry at certain points. I love how the relationship builds in this fic. It is honestly amazing. The whole idea of experimenting on a sentient sea creature, learning that he can communicate, then losing funding and having to save him from being dissected?!?! It's crazy. I love it.

Thus concludes my fic recommendations. I hope you enjoy at least some of these, and consider reblogging to spread these wonderful fics around <3

[yurinaa-world]

hello, blade, jing yuan, dan heng and welt platonic with a teen!reader who is like sirin from honkai impact?

Characters: Blade, Jing Yuan, Dan Heng, and Welt yang platonic! x Female Reader

Synopsis: reader that's like Sirin from honkai impact

Warnings: Fluff and spelling mistakes, a little dark blade's part

𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒

It fits the Stellorn Hunters theme and everything, but a little different, and he likes it. You’re like him, and he’s like you—brother and sister bonding at its finest. hating everyone, hoping everyone dies, killing people, and overall being insane in the head more than the others.

You deem him worth it since he’s such a loyal servant to you, and even better when he isn’t human, only a corrupted man under the flesh of his body; it’s the only thing he’ll ever be an unlucky man, but you, the chosen one, born to be special, unlike anyone, he’ll be grateful to spend a second in your presence.

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃

Your ego is a bit too much for a little girl like yourself since you are just a child, but nonetheless, a child with power is too much for your own body to handle. You continue to fight him but get too frustrated when he doesn’t go down as easily as you thought he would. “I would let you beat me!” You’ve already lost the second you tried to attack him. You refuse! Refuse to end it here like this!

 

You can calm down; he isn’t going to execute you since you want to beat that badly, then become his student since you seem to have a lot of potential. You were never going to lower yourself to this level! For this sleaze!

Well, you could have your revenge faster..hm..maybe you could be. You aren’t going to even show any mercy, so he better be ready!

𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔

You have such an attitude; you can’t just say whatever you want! Why? because people hate it whenever you question their power, so you have to tip-toe around and sugarcoat everything. Just stop talking before you end everyone in jail because of your so-called 'truth'

March can’t deal with you, and not most on the express can’t have the patience of an angel, so it’s him, maybe Himko (a woman’s got power), and Mr. Yang (it’s him most of the time). Whenever he gets stuck with you, he just hopes that you don’t destroy someone by calling you a kid.

Il Dan Heng: He is a changed man who went through the lesson of self-reflection, and everything and a bonus can deal with you now. He has a lot of patience, and you listen to him now since he’s not some dumb insect human anymore, so he can be your presence.

𝒲𝑒𝓁𝓉 𝓎𝒶𝓃𝑔

War flashbacks here, folks, but he handles it very differently from a similar situation that happened when he was way younger: you hurting even though you look at him with a disgusted look wherever he puts the word ‘hurt’ and you in the same sentence. He’ll get to warm up to him, which helps with the fact that he’s the one spending the most time with you.

You get sort of close with him since he’s strong for an old man with brittle bones that could crack any minute. You need to start getting close to other people as well, or else how will you get any friends? But who needs friends when they’re humans?

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot

[queer-overwatch]

Can I get one of OverWatch where the reader is the S/O of Genji, Hanzo, Junkrat, Roadhog, and Junker Queen? Like, How would they react to a reader who has a sword that looks normal at first but when their S/O sees their partner in danger, the sword reveals itself as a cursed sword where the blade changes color and their S/O changes into a demon form (whenever the curse takes effect) to protect their partner and change back once they're safe.

Genji,Hanzo, JQ, Junkrat, and Roadhog w/ a plant sword and demon powers

Sorry it's all headcanons -Xor & Frisk

Junker Queen

❦ ════ •⊰♔⊱• ════ ❦

Ms.Ma'am is FLABBERGASTED

Also lowkey jealous bc thats so cool???? If she could she'd yoink it but since it's your's she won't

She would totally say your sword and Gracie (her knife) are besties

Finds your demon form so incredibly cool

Would absolutely try and fight you while your in it, just to see how it'd go

She can handle herself so it probably wouldn't happen very often

But when it does she's lowkey so into it bc yeah, fuck shit up bbg

Roadhog

━━━━━━━𓃟━━━━━━━━

It's hard to impress this man .

Even harder so for him to get into danger he can't handle.

Seeing you use your sword for the first time absolutely left him keeling.

He was so lost for a moment because who in junker town uses a sword when most people have ranged weapons.

He was surprised at how well you handled yourself , especially with your short temper.

Watching you transform was something else , he half expected something else

But a demon that's something else

Left him speechless more speechless than normal

100% let you know how much he appreciates you afterwards.

Actually make that 200% with a side of approval and cuddles

Junkrat

⫷════ •⊰♨⊱• ════⫸

he's been trying to steal your sword it was why he got with you before he fell In love

the moment he sees what that can do he just wants it , he wants to hold it and tell you , that you've found something gorgeous

He completely forgot the danger for a second before a junker grabbed him by the throat

He was littleraly in awe watching you cut them down, until one of them managed to get the upper hand.

Immediately made the comment that he picked a "feisty one"

100% asks you to show him how you did all of that

Tried to bite your sword afterwards and chipped a tooth

Genji

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::[]==()

At first he's generally a little startled he never expected you to hold so much potential when Null Sector cornered him .

He loved watching the vines and flowers wrap around your sword it seems so cool and he definitely wanted to try it .

After you'd gotten hurt and decided as a last sitch effort to I leash your demon is he was worried about how the fight might go.

You were very injured at the end but watching you cut and claw down the massive robot he made sure you got the medical treatment you deserved

100% he teaches you how to defend yourself he doesn't want you getting hurt like that again

He also begs to try out your fancy sword , he lets you use his in returns

Hanzo

≫━─━─━─━─◈─━─━─━─━⫸

Bro does not know how to feel

Flashbacks to his brother

Also finds it interesting though in more of a "watching from a distance" way

Also isn't in danger too often though its more likely for him

Out of everyone would probably ask the most logical questions like where your sword came from, how it does all that cool shit, can he try it- etc etc

Would also probably wanna try fighing you though just to try and train for if he ever comes into contact with someone who had a similar ability

[rekino2114]

Lawyer girls defending you

A/n:I've been in an ace attorney mood these past few days so I decided to write this in between requests

Mia fey

When she found out you were being accused of murder, on the outside, mia seemed calm, collected, and determined to clear your name.

And while she was determined, on the inside she was completely freaking out. Her lover a murderer? They would never do something like that and she intended to prove it.

She tried to calm you down as best as she could before the trial, holding your hands and telling you that she would defend you until the end and that she believed in you with all of her heart.

During the trial, she probably put on the best defense she ever did. It wasn't only a matter of believing in her client anymore, it was about believing in her partner. No matter how dire things got, she never once wavered and always kept a smile on her face. after all the only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over.

She hugged you incredibly tightly when you were declared innocent, she was so happy to see you smile again. She took a week off to spend with you, she needed to relax and spend time with her love after that intense trial.

"I'm so happy, my dear, calm down, everything's fine now. Oh please, I didn't do anything. You were innocent and I simply proved it to everyone"

Athena cykes

The moment athena learned of your incarceration, she immediately went to the detention center to ask you questions. You didn't even have to ask her to take your case she was already going to from the start.

She could hear the voice of your heart. It was full of anguish and sadness, and it was screaming that you didn't do it, she had a flashback to being on the stand for Simon's trial, she couldn't make the same mistake again she was going to prove you innocent no matter what.

Phoenix and Apollo both helped raise her confidence before the trial, and she did the same with you, but she stood alone at the defense bench, she had to do this alone to prove herself.

Of course, she asked blackquill to handle the prosecution. There is no one she trusts more to help her reach the truth from the opposite side, she also asks him to at least tone down the sword slashes for you.

She was a even more of a whirlwind of emotions than usual during the trial, yelling at anyone who calls you a murderer. After the long and hard battle was over, she hugged you with all of her overflowing emotions shown.

"Y-y/n, did you see that? I did it. I showed everyone how wrong they were and how innocent you are, we need to celebrate!"

Susato mikotoba

A/n:she was a lawyer once, so I count her. Also, I just wanted to write something for her.

Her first thought was to ask ryunosuke to defend you, but he was busy with another case, so she panicked. She had no one to defend you, but if you were found guilty, you would get the death penalty, she couldn't let it happen, so she had the idea to dress up as ryutaro again.

She told you her real identity, of course, and you were incredibly worried for her, If she was found out she could have been arrested too, but she reassured you that she had already done this before and that she would do anything to free you.

Sholmes helped her investigate (in his own special way), and Iris made a special blend of tea to help you two relax before the trial, while ryu couldn't be there he reassured you of susato's competence in court earlier.

Her father also helped her, standing at her side during the trial like the first time she had done this, helping her in any way he could. But of course, susato was the one who put in all the effort. She defended the best she could, taking strategies from ryunosuke, and all of it resulted in a non guilty verdict.

She waited until you got home to take off her disguise and celebrate with you, she couldn't be happier she had helped you not only prove your innocence but also avoid the death penalty.

"That was intense, don't you think y/n? And it was only my second trial ever. O-oh? I did amazing? Please, you're just flattering me I just copied what naruhodo-san does"

[railingsofsorrow]

Hi!! Hope you're doing fine! I was wondering about the one shot “the way I loved you” in the originals masterlist. I'm really curious and I wanted to ask when you plan on posting it?

a/n: I'm glad you asked. this has been sitting on my drafts for a while! happy I can finally post it. hope you like it!

The Way I Love(d) You

[stefan salvatore x reader; kol mikaelson x reader]

[all pictures belong to pinterest]

SONG INSPIRATION » THE WAY I LOVED YOU by taylor swift

summary: stefan salvatore is kind and sensible and you couldn't ask for anything better. but beneath the “you look beautiful tonight” you miss the "screaming and fighting" and the way his name slipped out of your lips at 2a.m. you liked assurance and perfection but you missed insanity. more than anything, you missed the way you loved him. you missed kol mikaelson.  

pairings: s.salvatore x f!vampire!reader; k.mikaelson x f!vampire!reader 

w.c: 9.4K (I got carried away)

warnings/content: portrayal of healthy and unhealthy relationships dynamic; discussion about life and death; blood (mentioned); non-graphic descriptions of violence; pregnancy (mentioned); slight damon and tyler bashing because they are the most annoying characters ever created; camille o'connell plays therapist; katherine pierce x reader (you blink you miss it); gemini coven (mentioned); discussions about marriage; canon divergence; fluff; happy ending depending on which you're rooting for; paragraphs in italics are flashbacks.

A/N²: this one shot does not follow the tvd + t.o original timeline, so some facts may be out of order.

[part of “the taylor swift anthology”]

navi

masterpost

tvd masterlist

t.o masterlist

[alternate ending]

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

❝ he is sensible and so incredible.

and all my single friends are jealous

he says everything I need to hear, and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better. ❞

“Did you arrive alright?”

You reply with a soft hum, distracted by the bag filled with books related to witchcraft. You really did not think you'd be swiped back to this city again, less alone acting as a librarian for the Original vampires for the hundred time in your life. Oh, well. Who could ever deny Rebekah Mikaelson of her wishes? You had been extremely close before, despite the unsaid goodbyes. She did try to threaten your life if you didn't come to New Orleans soon, but those were empty words. And you could easily take her in a fight – not that she could ever know that.

“Yes,” you say through the phone, remembering there was someone in the other line. “I'm settling in on the hotel.”

“Okay.”

“Stefan.” The corner of your mouth twitches slightly. “Say what you want to say.“

You hear him let out a breath as he usually does when he's holding something back.

“Are you sure you don't need me there with you? I could easily—”

“No,” you cut your fiancée off, albeit in a gentle manner. You sit down at the edge of your hotel bed, feeling the rough fabric of the mattress against your jeans as you inspect the cover of a rather thin book compared to the other thick ones scattered around. “Stefan, I'm perfectly fine. You don't have to worry. And I know you won't listen to me and you'll worry either way…” a smug grin stretches on your face when he tries to speak again. “… but I can handle myself, okay? You can call and text and I'll reply right back.”

Ever since you met Stefan Salvatore, he has had your best interest at heart. Not only yours, but everyone he cared about. In the friendship stage, he slowly inserted himself into your life, taking careful steps to not scare your cold heart away to the mountains. You never knew why, somehow, you had some importance to him. When you started dating, he made sure to introduce you to something that by no means you wanted to partake in: safety. Not the kind in which you are suffocated and trapped, but the kind in which you are held by someone and still are able to take a breath of fresh air. The real meaning of safety.

He takes you on dates and he opens up your car door as the perfect gentleman that he is. The line you look beautiful never straying from his compliments. It took you a while to get used to that. Being loved without having to look over your shoulder, being cared for by someone who would truly be there at the end of the day.

Stefan is safe. He is the warm blanket on a cold day with hot chocolate and a good book. He's the guy who never makes you wait while carrying that endearing softness around him. You couldn't ask for anything better.

“Yeah, alright.” He says with a resigned sigh. “You really don't want me there, huh?” The playfulness being drowned out by a tinge of hesitation in his tone that if you didn't know his tells, you might have missed it.

“You know that's not it.” The book is placed on top of the bedside table. Your choice has been made. “But I don't want to draw unnecessary drama into our lives. As soon as I can get this done, I can come back to New York. To you.”

He offers you a sound of contentment. “That sounds nice to me.” There is some ruffling on his end and he lets out a muffled groan. “Hey, beautiful? I have to go. Damon is hijacking our apartment.”

You briefly recall Stefan making a comment that his brother would visit you guys soon. That had been around a month ago? You are never one to question Damon and his stupid decisions. Fortunately, you were far away to deal with any of that.

“I'm sorry,” you mumble without masking your joy for not having to be present in the same room as Damon Salvatore. “Good luck and don't let him mess with my stuff or I'll personally break his neck and set his dick on fire.“

“I heard that!” You reply that it was meant for him to hear. “He's calling you a menace.” Stefan chuckles at your bickering but he eventually has enough. “Call me if you need anything, yeah? Be safe. I love you.”

“I love you too, and I believe you'll need more backup than I will.” You smile at his scoff and the call comes to an end.

You resist the urge to go to Russeau's to enter an alcoholic coma instead of facing the people you haven't spoken to in a decade. No, you have faced worse and what could possibly go wrong while visiting some old friends?

You snatch the book from the bedside table and tuck it under your arm.

Guess it's time to pay a visit to the Mikaelsons.

━━━━━

Meeting the Mikaelsons had been the best and the worst moment of your vampire life. Yes, some people could be both at the same time. You met Rebekah before you met the others, in a ball a really long time ago. The Mikaelson name had yet to be spread around like a disease due to the extreme danger they represented – where you lived, at least. Vampire groupies already had lots of knowledge about them at the time.

The thing was, you had no idea who Rebekah was until almost everyone in your city was murdered. Her brothers searched for her after a few years of radio silence, apparently. That's when you understood how protective family could be. Klaus, most of them. But that one was more obsessive and paranoid than any other. Rebekah told you that herself, but you saw it with your own eyes through the years you tagged along in their journey.

You have to say that out of anyone in that family, Klaus Mikaelson would be the last person you'd expect to become a father.

He was the one responsible for practically destroying Katerina Petrova's life, along with many other people you couldn't care to mention right now. She had been your friend once, before she became a nuisance in your life. But still. Klaus was ruthless and anyone capable of making an enemy out of him realized the bitter poison that came with it; if not death, of course.

Nevertheless, the cruel reputation of the Mikaelson family did not belong to Klaus only. In levels of pent up rage, you could easily mention Elijah. He was nothing but kind to you in the moments you've spent as friends, but you were aware of the demons he kept at bay for most of his existence. The man tries hard to be a good person and, in your opinion, he achieved that in all of the senses, although he was never really one to trust other people's opinions about him, whether they'd be good or bad.

Elijah could be just as cruel as Klaus, but as Klaus was loud in a broadcaster type of way, Elijah was silently dreadful.

Finn and Freya were the last ones you encountered. They were both gentle in their own way. As Freya kept up a mask right after breaking her curse, doubtful and distrusting, Finn was overall distasteful towards his own kind. You noticed that between the countless times he attempted to kill his siblings and himself. At first, you held a grudge over the fact that your boyfriend (back then) could never catch a break from his own brother. But eventually you understood Finn's reasons and everything that was left was sympathy. You had trouble adjusting to the vampire life yourself, mostly the drinking blood part but also the eternal life bit as well. Living and dying was something you had never doubted. It was the cycle of life, after all, why would you question it?

Some days, you didn't want it. But those became rare ones as you tasted the sweet flavor of having people that went through the same dilemma by your side. They made everything bearable. You just hoped Finn could also find those people, if not his siblings, then maybe he could find peace somewhere far from them. He had every right of taking some time away if that was his wish.

Family can be suffocating.

Freya had been one of the nicest people you have ever met. Beneath that cold front she built before warming up to the Mikaelsons, there was a tender-hearted woman whom one day you used to call your friend. Freya was there when you crumbled down, she had been the one to help you pull yourself up and she was the one who let you know it was okay to leave if that's what you needed to do. If that's what your heart desires, do it. Her words never left you in some way, you were forever grateful.

Hayley entered your life before she became an honorary Mikaelson – she hated that joke. You helped her find information about her pack when both of you were still back at Mystic Falls. She had been the first person to point out Stefan's interest in you, though you didn't buy it. You actually became closer during her pregnancy. You weren't present in Hope's first months after she was born, but Hayley made sure to send you occasional pictures over the years. You didn't feel so out of the loop thanks to that.

And then, there was Kol.

The epitome of recklessness, wrath and chaos.

He was the a car accident that drove you over a bridge when you couldn't swim and a pillow fort you built overnight to dissipate your nightmares. Kol was the reason why you considered the Mikaelsons to be both the best and worst moment of your life. He was the rollercoaster that fed your desperation for love, displaying a pretty view at the top of the ride, before the crash eventually came and killed all that excitement.

Neither of you expected to fall so fast for one another. Or fall at all.

But he pushed his way into your heart with no permission granted, with his convinced smirks, wild persona and careless nature. He was cold in a warm manner. Tender in the way he held your fingertips with the same bloody hand that also had possession of your heart. And unbelievably good as he cared enough to let you into his heart.

You were too similar for it not to happen, until you were too different to remain together.

Kol Mikaelson conveyed all of the rumors that were spread about him, never once hiding behind a mask, and that's the reason you fell in love with no way back. It had never been an easy choice – choice... that's funny. Does love ever give you a choice? — his enemies became your enemies, you were a target, besides the unstoppable family hassle you always seemed to be involved in. In spite of the obvious reasons, the grounds for breaking up arose from him, surprisingly. Or not so surprisingly. It may have been his way of running away, but it was your way out of the mess he created in your head and heart. According to Hayley, he wasn't left unscathed. He suffered in a way that they had never seen before: through silence.

Kol had never been silent. He craved an audience, which was why he enjoyed discounting his ire on people. He wanted them to fight back in order for him to retaliate much harder. After you left, he didn't murder villages, tortured old enemies or provoked his siblings enough to get a rise out of them. You weren't that surprised once Hayley told you he left as well. What truly left you bewildered was the fact that he didn't cause trouble, turning into a shadow of the wildest Mikaelson people used to hear about.

You couldn't bear to feel guilty. If he wasn't being himself, that was his own doing. He left you first. Looking into the bright side, maybe he had finally mustered the act of growing up.

However, even with the all the heartache he had caused you, loving him was never a regret. You don't know if he felt the same, maybe you'd never know.

Stepping inside the Mikaelson manor made you self-conscious but still nostalgic. You hadn't lived in that house, of course they had built up many other expensive properties over the decade you've been gone. But there is something in the air when the Mikaelsons are around. And it isn't death or blood that you were referring to.

“Are you the friend my mom said was coming to visit us?”

A little girl with dark red hair met you in the entrance of the house. A stuffed bunny dangling from her small hands. You couldn't believe your eyes, but in the meantime you observed her sage green eyes that carry a brush of cinnamon and the tip of her nose, the familiarity practically slapping you in the face.

“I believe so,” you croak out as your lips quirk up in a soft smile. You tell her your name, introducing yourself and say, “and you must be Hope.”

“That's right.“ She gives you a little wave. You nearly leap on your feet at the idea that you're not considered a stranger for her to immediately turn away as parents would advise children. “I'll tell my mom you're here so she can invite you in.”

You nod, leaning on the door, you could feel the spell barely pushing you away. A harsh breeze brush your strands in your face and you roll your eyes at the familiar scent of a hybrid nearby you.

“I have lipstick on, you know how that does not match with hair?“ Two arms engulf you in a strong embrace. You can't help but laugh as your body entwines with Hayley's. “Hay,“ you mumble to her shoulder. “You are kind of ten times stronger than me. Perks of being a hybrid and all...“

“Oh, please. I should be actually crushing you.”

When she cups your cheeks, like a mother would when her child has been gone for too long, you stare at the sage green eyes you had just seen in the entrance. “I missed you too.“ Hayley gives you an eyeroll, letting you go as she asks Hope to let you in. Ah, it made sense. She's not a vampire.

Hope smiles timidly at you as you enter the foyer, her gaze switching to her mother almost pleadingly. Hayley mentions with a tilt of her chin towards the backdoor and Hope quickly rushes away to what you assume is the backyard of the house.

“She's playing hide and seek.“ Hayley clarifies their short interaction, turning to you. “When did you arrive?“

“Today.“ You say, lifting the book to her line of sight. “I told you I kept something that could help.“

“I know,“ she smiles gratefully. Hayley hasn't aged a day since you last met. Of course, she isn't physically able to age at all due to vampirism, but her perpetually concerned gaze was replaced by relaxed shoulders and a proud smile. She has joy written all over her. For the looks of it, motherhood has done her good.

“She's like a mix of you and Klaus.“ You watch the girl running around searching for whoever she's playing with. Hayley takes you to the balcony, the view is pretty that it takes a bit of your breath away. The forest on display is filled with orange and yellow because of the Autumn season. You've always found the sounds of the forest were the perfect noise to live close by.

“So I've heard.” Hayley crosses her arms above the railing, driving her attention to you after pointing somewhere to Hope who's in desperate need of help in the seeking aspect of the game. “How's your life been?” She asks, shifting her whole body towards yours. “New York, huh?”

You nod, imitating her previous position. “Yes. It's a great city.” She remains silent, probably waiting for you to elaborate. It's not like this is a casual visit and the Mikaelsons could be in any corner with their enhanced hearing. Not that you're ashamed of your current life, you just don't feel like yelling from the rooftops.

“That ring is pretty.” Hayley muses when you avoid looking at her. She can see your blush and her eyes soften at that. It's been so long since she has seen you remotely happy, she likes the sight. “You seem happy.” Her squeeze in your shoulder states reassurance. “I hope he doesn't screw up or I'll be coming over with more than just an army.“ A deep groan escapes your throat as your head falls on your forearm.

“You are worse than a whole freaking army.“

“You missed me.“

Shaking your head, your lips twitch in a bitter smile.

“Of course I missed you, Hayley.“ Your smile falls slightly as you see that Hope finally found who she's been looking for in the past half hour.

Kol is coming out from behind a tree and dramatically throwing himself on the grass as Hope's giggles echo around.

“I missed all of you.” Slips out in a whisper.

As soon as Hayley follows your gaze, she picks up the reason for the sudden change in your demeanor. This is what she's been trying to delay.

There's no point now. “He came back at the beginning of this year.” You blink, turning away from the cute scene happening right below you. “Said he missed his niece. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.”

She steps away from the balcony and that's what it takes for you to stop staring at a playful Kol tickling Hope to death.

“Why wouldn't it be a good thing?” You swallow hard, sitting down on one of the loveseats. The ceiling is not bland white as you expected it to be, as you analyse the colors and the shapes, you recognize the famous painting you've been in love with since it was first made.

Van Gogh's Starry Night brings the ceiling alive with the false sensation of movement the circular brush strokes provides.

“He's teaching her magic and she makes some of my stuff disappear for fun. Kol's such a bad influence— Oh.” Hayley's face stretches into a smile upon seeing where you were staring at. “Klaus painted it. This is Hope's bedroom.”

That's when you realize the soft blue on the walls along with colorful drawings clearly made by a child.

“It's beautiful.” You let out in admiration. “God, that bastard is talented.”

Hayley huffed, “Yeah, well, ever since you mention it in that very first Skype call she can't stop talking about it. So he painted it.”

Leaning back on the chair, you glance at her. “That's such a dad thing of him.” She shrugs in silent agreement. “He's not a bad influence,” you utter after the conversation dies down. You're not referring to Klaus. “He loves children, that's just his way of teaching her how to protect herself.” In extreme cases. It's better to teach her to protect herself instead of delaying it when she actually needs it.

Hayley's eyes travel across your features for a while and just as you begin to grow self-conscious of what you said, she flips the topic back to the real issue at hand.

“So, do you usually keep old grimoires in a secret passageway at your apartment or something?”

Your lips raise in amusement, “It's from an old friend. He lent it to me for safekeeping.”

The hybrid's eyes regarded you with suspicion, then she glances down at the book in her hands.

“Should I even be touching that?”

“C'mon,” you say in jest. “My friends aren't that bad.”

“I am not that bad. The Mikaelsons are certainly debatable and if I can recall someone called Katherine Pierce who was also considered your friend — who I still doubt that it was all that she was — then we need to discuss what you mean by not that bad.”

“Should I mention Tyler dogbreath Lockwood, Hayley? He was a nuisance!” You throw back in a complete mature way. “I can't believe you would voluntarily hold a conversation with the guy.”

Hayley snickers, “He wasn't as bad as you make him out to be.”

“You're right,“ you nod. “He was worse.“

Hayley hums, quietly analyzing the grimoire with what you can tell is interest that leads to boredom. She closes it in a thud and stands up. “I'll have to give this to Davina.“

You frown in confusion, following her out of the room. “The Claire witch? You're trusting that teenager with the life of my niece?” Your tone raises in light disbelief as Hayley descends the stairs completely unbothered by your accusation. “Where is Freya? Where is everyone— You can't possibly be serious, Hayley.”

“Freya is generously taking an early flight back to Virginia as we speak, cutting her honeymoon short. She was the one who requested Davina to be put to use in this task, if I can recall.” You knew it was Elijah before you saw his impeccable suit, merely because of his eloquence. He offers you a smile as you reach the living room. “Welcome back.” You're amused by the way he ignores your attempt at handshaking to lay a kiss on the back of your hand. He's always done that, it's no surprise. That's an Elijah thing to do. His eyes fall on your left hand. “And congratulations on your engagement. I've heard.”

You give him a close lipped smile in return, withdrawing your hand to cross your arms.

“Yes, it seems that everyone has.”

“You know, the term being put to use might not be taken as a good thing to every person.” The voice behind you causes your body to freeze. “Hello, stranger.”

Elijah is gone with the wind before you can notice and Hayley, who seems to have ventured off somewhere, still isn't back.

“She's not a stranger, Uncle Kol.” Hearing Hope's voice as you turn around is a form of relief, you admit. She's smiling kindly at you from her Uncle Kol's shoulders. “That's mom's friend. Remember, the one she told us was coming over?“

Kol acts fascinated. “That is true, Hope. Thank you for reminding me.”

She giggled, mouthing out to you above his head “Forgetful.”

You crack a smile at that. Mikaelson humor.

It doesn't take long for Hope to get tired of your attention and scurry away to her bedroom. And then, there were two.

How do you greet someone who broke your heart but still has a part of it with them?

“You look beautiful.”

You can affirm something: do not start like that.

“Thank you.“ You reply shortly. The stairs are right there, you could literally take a step back and you'd be on your way to the first floor. Still, you remain in the same place.

You had yet to look him in the eye since he entered the living room. That doesn't happen until he stops right in front of you.

The first thing you notice about Kol was his voice. Centuries back, when you first met, he had said your name before you even acknowledged his family. It slipped out of his tongue; honey mixed with pepper. A strange mixture that ends up being perfect once you taste.

Saying someone's name is like holding a secret beneath your tongue. You have the power to reveal it, you can pronounce it and you can choose to savour it to yourself. The taste is not made for everyone, it is reserved for you and you only. And he had that power from the first moment he called out your name.

“How's married life going?“

Your head tilts in confusion as his eyes are cast downwards. A scowl turns your lips into a frown. Just like that, the peaceful haze is over.

“Not married,” you say through gritted-teeth, turning away from him and from the flight of stairs. You want to get out of this house. If someone else asks about anything related to marriage again you'd probably snap.

“Yet, right?”

“That's what engagements work for, have you not had your fair share of those to understand that?” He has followed you outside and is faster than you since he's currently leaning with his body on your car door. Arms crossed and a side smile.

You hated to know what that meant. You hated that you knew him at all.

“Can you move?“ You snap, eyes narrowing. Kol hums softly as if he's considering your request. Dick. “Okay, I'll walk then.”

The defeated sigh you heard as you turn your back on him is almost a reason to make you relieved. But your arm was pulled back and that cold touch just made your whole body halt instantly.

❝ but I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain... ❞

“Can you stop being stubborn for a second?” He exclaims, kicking the car door shut as he walked with heavy steps towards you.

The rain softly paints the car windows with its tears. You forced him to step on the breaks so you could get out of the vehicle because of how mad you were. You couldn't remember the reason for the fight, but it happened and you didn't want to be around him.

“It's going to rain.”

You scoff, “I'm not made of sugar. I can handle a little rain.”

The thunder rolls in the sky, causing you to flinch slightly. A cold hand grabs your wrist.

“You'd rather walk in a thunderstorm than argue with me, is it?” Kol shrugs off his jacket with a scowl, covering your shoulder with it in a swift movement, one he had done many times before. “Real mature, love.” He shoves the car keys into your hand.

“What—”

“Take the car.” He had sped off before you could ask him to go to hell. Because no. You wouldn't take his car and leave him in a freaking thunderstorm. But he decided that just like he decided to put an end to your relationship.

“Stay.“ He says, drawing his hand back with hesitance. That quickly brought you back to the present. “I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry.” That's one of the rarest moments you've heard him apologize, it didn't used to be something in his vocabulary.

“I'll just wait for Freya at the hotel. It's not like we can start the spell before she's here.” You clear your throat, a bit taken aback by his presence still. You feel so silly.

Kol nods thoughtfully, taking a step back from you as if you aren't allowed to be too close. “Okay.” And before you can enter your car and drive off, your ears are still very much in tune with his voice even if he's all the way inside the house. “It's good to see you again.”

You're not sure if you share the same feeling.

━━━━━

“This is from the Gemini coven.”

You turn away from Davina's chanting to stare at Freya's impassive stance. She always kept that façade while doing magic.

“And what of it?“ Freya gives you a sideways glance as you roll your eyes, leaning back on the wall as the Witch finishes up the spell and mutters something to Hayley. Freya has done her part and for some reason they needed another set of hands. You don't question it. “Don't fret. There'll be no retaliation.”

“Good, because we don't need a crazy siphoner touring around New Orleans.”

You crack a chuckle, brushing your hair behind your ear. “The grimoire is technically mine.” Freya's eyes narrow suspiciously at your claim. “What? It is. It was a gift.”

“Kai Parker gave you a gift?” She regards you with disbelief. You shrug in response, it's the truth. It's not like you were capable of stealing something from Malachai Parker and leave unscathed. He is a tiny bit insane and you aren't special.

“She has a thing for K's, doesn't she?” You flinch at the breath in your neck. It earns Rebekah a glare as she walks around the pillar you were leaning on, her smirk takes her whole face, granting mischief in her blue eyes.

“We're done.”

You cut off your jab towards Rebekah when Davina's voice reaches your attention.

“Just like that?”

Freya gives you another one of her warning looks but you are facing the Claire Witch with a hard gaze. You didn't trust her then and you wouldn't trust her now. And it has nothing to do with her age nor the lack of experience in the magic department — or life, in general — it was more of a grudge you held for the girl ever since she messed with your family. You recalled quite well how she had weakened the Mikaelsons and played a part in Marcel's stupid plan to destroy all of them. Almost. You hated both of them with your every being. No matter how Klaus may have forgiven Marcel for it or how Hayley claims that Davina was manipulated.

“We did everything that was in the grimoire. She's safe.” Her voice carries defiance and you could certainly enjoy the opportunity to play into her attitude.

A low hum left your lips and you hear someone sigh around the room, you couldn't concentrate enough to name who it was but you have a guess.

“Okay. That's great.” You utter, mouth widening into a satisfied grin. You like the way she regards you with caution as you stride over. “You're gonna need that?” You ask in a whisper, pointing towards the book in her small hands. She hands it over to you, you take it slowly, mumbling a thank you and offering a sickly sweet smile. Your distaste is a mutual feeling, you're glad to know.

The entire family heads back to the Mikaelson manor. Despite Rebekah's pestering for you to go with them, you manage to escape for some alone time.

Rousseau's is where you end up after walking aimlessly through the city. Some things have changed. There are a few new musicians playing in the corners of the streets, but those familiar faces still there as well. The streets are illuminated by the lampposts scattered around the French Quarter, the shadows of the streetlights dancing at your feet remind you of times where you'd feel happiness holding you together. The bittersweet moment is interrupted by something soft tickling your ankle, causing you to jump in surprise. Quite literally.

“Never seen a cat before?” Someone mocks your tense stance as you watch the feline exit the bar.

You would have snapped their neck if the sweet smile of Camille O'Connell didn't reach your eyes right away. She's drying up glasses on the counter, probably getting ready to close the establishment, it was around the time she usually did.

“Can you spare this poor soul a bit of alcohol?”

“I'll never get used to that,” Camille says, shaking her head and the sound of titling metal made your face stretch into a grin. “You're not old enough to drink.” She starts preparing your favourite drink. Alcohol isn't your favourite thing in the world, but Cami's drinks are sweet enough to appease your taste buds. You didn't spend hours wallowing in this bar with nothing to accompany you — the alcohol and Camille's ears to listen to your misery.

Your nose wrinkles. “I am over 400 years old, Cami. How many times have we been over this?”

She tsked, curling her lower lip, throwing the cloth on her shoulder as she leans on the bar top.

“You look like seventeen.”

“That's flattering?” You muse, sipping your blue beverage. “I can't even remember what my seventeens were like.” That last part you mumbled to yourself.

“At what age did you turn?” Her voice is sad and you start grieving the fun of the moment.

Taping your nails against the wood distractedly, you work on pulling the terrifying moment from the abyss of your mind. Camille's gaze trails over your features in her own curiosity.

“It's been a while, huh?” She felt the need to change the subject. That made you crack a smile. Did she think she had genuinely upset you?

“Ten years or so.”

“Yes.” She says pointedly. “What brings you back?” She finally finishes cleaning up and you realise you're probably delaying her sleep schedule, but she hasn't complain about your overstay and you don't mention it.

You decide on telling her the truth. “Family stuff.” The partial truth, that is. “I died in 1603,” you refer to her previous question. Her eyes nearly pop out of her head. “I had recently entered my twenties. Can say now that I never got out of it.”

She didn't laugh at your joke, but you did.

“I'm sorry. Do you still...”

“Remember it?”

“Yes.”

You shrug nonchalantly. “It was a life changing event. So, yeah. I do remember it. But it doesn't make me feel anything anymore. It's something I no longer care about.” That's the truth. The memory doesn't affect you as much as it used to.

Cami nod, a strand of her hair slipping from behind her ear. She brushes it back and you tilt your head at the bracelet in her wrist. Once that has been there ever since you first visited Rousseau's.

“You still wear it.” You point out. She frowns confused, but her gaze follows where your attention lays and she hums.

“Yes. Can't have myself walking around the zoo with no defense.”

“The zoo—” you can't suppress the snort that comes out of you. “I can't believe you just said that.”

“I did.” Camille puts her hand on your shoulder and you deflect lightly. Guess it's time to leave. “I'm closing up. It's almost 1 am.”

“Sorry, Cami.” You shouldn't have bothered her that much. “Can I walk you home?”

It's her turn to chuckle. She locks up the bar and spins around to face you, a knowing glint in her bright blue eyes. You don't like that look. It kind of reminds you of Caroline when she knows something about yourself that you don't. Or that you just don't want to admit yet.

You miss her too.

“Are you really that desperate to avoid your problems?” You gape at her. “C'mon. Did you actually come here so I could make you a Grasshopper?” Oh, so that is the name of the drink you've had since forever. Good to know.

“I wanted some company.” You confess, rolling your eyes as she waits for you to follow her steps. Half the truth, again. This was the best place to avoid your problems — one problem. “Is that such a crime?”

“You sound like Klaus.”

“Stop offending me or I'll kill you.”

“Go ahead. I'm sure you'll like it when my blood burns your throat from how much vervain I've been taking.”

Your lips quirk up in a lopsided grin.

“I'm just going to say something, feel free to ignore it.” Cami announces as you crossed the street. You've arrived at her apartment. When you stop in front of the entrance and she turns her full body to you, her face has lost all the merriment. “I don't know why you are back. I don't even know the entire reason why you left so suddenly.” That makes you grow tense. “But that's none of my business. What I want to say is that, don't allow what let you down get to you again. If you think that getting out of here, taking some space to yourself, was good, then so be it. It's your life, okay? You deserve to be happy.”

You stand quiet for a while, absorbing everything she had said.

“I am.” You say quietly. “I am happy.” Away from here.

She smiles down at you, then, surprisingly, pulls you into a hug. Cami and you have never been close. You just listened to each other's complaints in the midst of the bar's loudness. You grew to have a bond but it was nothing as tight-knit as what you had with Freya or Hayley. Although, you did miss Cami while you were gone. She was the only one who knew how to make a good Grasshopper, anyway.

“Stop by the bar before you take off god-knows-where again.” She requests after you split apart.

“I'll think about it.” You bury your hands on your jacket with a smile as she bids you goodbye.

The city is never completely quiet. There's local music playing in some corners still at that time of the day. You realise you have reached Jackson Square when you put a pause on your walk, listening and breathing into New Orleans. Even the smell is different, maybe it is the lack of tragedy in the streets. You hope it carries on that way, Hope deserves to live peacefully. Or as peaceful as Hayley Marshall's and Klaus Mikaelson's daughter can live.

“Can you step out of there? It's getting ridiculous.” A woman crossing the street gives you an ugly look and you couldn't care less. You were talking to the Edward Cullen beside the tree a few feet back from where you stand. “How long have you been following me like a creepy stalker?”

“I've just arrived.” Kol says. You can see him rolling his eyes without taking a look at him. “And I wasn't following you.”

“Oh,” you blink innocently at him. “Sorry. I didn't know you had become such a religious man over the course of ten years.”

St. Louis Cathedral has all of its lights off, which means it's closed for the night. It's not like you wanted to enter the church in the first place, you just thought it looked pretty this time of the night. You'd frequent that area a lot to read a book when you were bored. Kol never shared that particular interest.

❝ and It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name...❞

“This paranoia between you and Klaus is getting out of hand.” You mention to him one night as he turned your room upside down looking for something he would not inform you about. “You better put all of that back because I will not.” You say with a shake of your head, frustrated.

“He has the dagger. I have nothing to protect myself with.”

“So run away again. It's what you do best.” You let out. Only realising what you had done after it slips past your lips. The room is quiet, the silence deafening to the point where you flinch at the sound of creaking wood.

It wasn't the bed. It wasn't the wardrobe. When you glimpse at the door, hesitantly, it has been left ajar.

He did what you asked.

You remember inhaling deeply before throwing a jacket over your shoulder and grabbing the book of the week to read at Jackson Square, viewing the passerby's that would enter and exit St. Louis Cathedral.

“You'd come here and sit on that bench right over there with a new book every week.”

Your chest latches onto unwanted nostalgia you should desperately trying to get rid of. It makes your arms go numb and a cold shiver run down your spine. You blink at him. You knew?

“What?” You grunt, slightly disoriented.

Kol seems lost in his head, much like you were a few seconds ago, but he has a bigger grasp on reality than you do. “I thought it was more of something out of spite that you did. Sit in front of a church. Watch people leave. Choose a prey and feed on them to make them somehow question their faith.”

Furrowing your brows in thought, you consider out loud, “You thought that I'd come here to prove a point?”

He shrugs. The repetitive kicking of rocks tells you he is more nervous than he's letting on. Kol could mask his feelings well, his first choice of emotion would be anger and he'd just about use it to everything and everyone.

Over the years you'd notice some tells beneath all that rage. There was resentment and there was sadness. And now you can see guilt. You wonder if you're simply imagining something you want to see instead of what's actually there.

“What are you doing here, Kol?”

You're tired. You're beginning to think that Stefan was right and you should have evaluated the pros and cons of being in this fucking city before choosing the first flight five minutes after Rebekah's text.

“I missed you.”

“No.” You ignore the way you want to run away at what feels like sincerity coming out of his mouth. “What are you really doing here?”

His lips twitch and you think that familiar smirk will appear, but it doesn't. Just a sad smile.

“I missed you.” He repeats firmly as if not to let it hang in the air enough for confusion. There is no dubious meaning. He is not playing a game. “I haven't had a chance to say that when you were here.”

You take your time surveying his features. He had cut his hair, but you noticed that when he was playing with Hope in the backyard. His style is still the same, the moles still in the same spots around his cheeks and neck, his cupid's bow hasn't changed either. Kol's physique barely suffered any alterations, but he is different. Suddenly, you remember Hayley and the new spark in her eyes.

They both mirror people who have let go of their demons. The ones who scratch your skin and sink into your shoulders claiming your body as well as your mind as theirs. It is impossible to escape all of them at once, but time makes it bearable to live with some as you learn to let go of others.

“What do you mean?” You sit at edge of a bench. Not the one you used to sit almost every week. That would be too much. He understands the space left is for him to occupy after a moment. “That you haven't had the chance to say it when I was here. Why would you miss me while I was here?”

You know exactly why. You felt that all the time with him. Most of the time you dated a shadow in place of the man you loved and it is sad that, at some point, you got used to it.

“Because I wasn't. I wasn't here when I should have been and you were gone before I could help it.” A wave of regret travels across his features and you turn away before your gazes can meet. “And yes, I have no right of saying that after—after—”

“Ten years?”

“... ten years.” You complete at the same time. “I lost your trust. I lost you. Which is something that I'll never forgive myself for. I just... I just need you to know—”

“Don't.”

He furrowed his eyebrows as you stood up, running a hand through your face in pure... frustration? Anger? Fear? Yes. Fear. He is being unpredictable. Kol Mikaelson is unpredictable, it's one of the many traits of his you spend a long time admiring, until it became a burden in your relationship.

But after ten years you had no idea how to deal with this and you don't want to deal with it. Not now. Not after you and him were over.

He says your name almost pleadingly.

“Kol, don't.” You cut him off. “You can't do this now. You just can't.” You flinch away when he tries to touch you as a form of comfort. You didn't want that comfort. Not from him. Not anymore.

His eyes soften and there's hurt in them but you can't do this now. It's not fair. “I'm not trying to do anything.”

“Yes, you are!” You croak out, slightly shaken up. “Whatever you have to say doesn't make a difference now.”

You see his jaw clench slightly. Good. You want him to be angry. At least this side of him you can handle because you'll attack just as hard.

“I'm sorry.”

Your eyes snap to him. “I'm sorry.” Kol repeats, walking towards you with much more certainty. “I was a coward, immature and just overall selfish. I shouldn't have left, but I did and that doesn't change the past, but, but I loved you. I truly did. If I could go back—”

“You can't.” Your lower lip curl between your teeth. You can't take anything back. You can't undo the past. “You can't make it better, Kol.” You say, attempting to hold your self together in front of the boy who broke your heart into pieces. You still haven't found all of them yet, they were scattered, some beyond repair. “I was a mess without you. Do you know how long it took for me to pick myself back up?”

“You shouldn't have left.” You harshly clean a tear that travels down your cheek. “If you hadn't, if you had given me a chance to, to be there for you, then, yes, it would all be different. Trust me. It would. But because of what you did, it's not.” Admitting that to yourself took too long and it was the hardest thing you had to do, but admitting that to him? No. It felt freeing. It felt liberating. It felt fair.

There was a point in which all you could think about was making him suffer the way you did. Because he deserved it. How can someone claim to love you so deeply and then vanish from your life?

However, it isn't really the anger that prevails as he stands in front of you at Jackson Square, trying to apologize for years of pain that he had caused. As soon as you spill your heart out, the only thing left is sadness and nostalgia. You miss the screaming and fighting. You miss his stupid obsession with magic. You miss his sincerity, because till this day, no one would throw the truth in your face like Kol did. You miss the excitement. You miss his insanity. You miss him.

Loving Kol Mikaelson had not been easy. Still, you wouldn't go back on your choice if you had the chance. Because loving him had been a choice, one you've made for nearly five decades. And letting him go had driven you to the edge and brought you back to life.

Yes, you miss him. But it's not strange the fact that, deep down, you'll always miss someone you fell in love with. Even if they didn't carried your heart as carefully as you deserved. They were still part of you. Maybe, they always would be.

“I know.” He says, voice rough. You'd barely hear him if you didn't have enhanced hearing. “I regret it every single day of my life.” His eyes follow as you lean back in the bench. You're sitting in opposite ones. He stares at you as if you're a wounded animal, afraid to approach. His red-rimmed eyes make your heart clench.

You think about how funny it is that your body can react the same to a person. As if they're permanently marked into your soul.

Kol had never said what you wanted to hear. The truth was the only thing that escaped from his lips, even if it would absolutely crush you.

He was real and he pulled you back from the edge many times before. Even if he had been the one pushing you over that same edge afterwards.

This truth is crushing you. But it is a pain you must feel in order to fully move on.

You exhale slowly. “I know you do.” You can see the clear regret in his eyes. It's sipping through his soul and it may have eaten some part of him during these years. You don't feel okay with that. Strangely as that may be, you don't wish his suffering.

“Do you?” He lets out faintly, uncertain. “I'm not— I am not saying any of that with cruel intentions. I never meant to hurt you. I love you, but,”

“... but it wasn't enough to make you stay.” You swallowed with difficulty.

“No.” You glance up at him, something in your chest shatters. You don't know if his honesty is something you crave now. “I miss you. I never stopped missing you, no matter how hard I tried. And I, I don't know how to change that.”

“You can't.” You say, feeling like you can breathe properly after such a long time. “Because I miss you too, Kol.” and I love you. Not the same way, but I do. “It's not something we can change, it's just there. Maybe time will somehow make it better.”

“Really?” The hope in his voice grips you tight. That desperation to move on. To forget. You relate to that so much. “Is that what you think? Sounds too human to come from you.”

You let out a scoff, throwing your head back. “What does that even mean, Mikaelson?”

His deep chuckle brings a small smile out of you.

“Time is necessary for everyone.” You watch him quietly. He has the same tell from before; when his head is full, he plays with the ring in his index finger. Whenever he did that, you'd curl your fingers around his shoulder and squeeze it, he'd relax under your touch.

You would miss that. But you can live without it. You can live without him just as he can live without you. You know it's for the better.

It's almost four in the morning when you arrive back in the hotel. The first thing you do is take a shower, then throw yourself in bed pretending it is the one in your bedroom at your home. Soft and with your favorite pillows. Not the real scratchy and thin bedding you currently have.

It doesn't work, so you dial the familiar number in your phone to actually hear home from the line.

“I'm sorry to be dumping this on you.”

“You're dumping nothing on me.“ Stefan retorts and you can clearly see him shaking his head. “Hey, you handled Ripper-me, if I can't handle you talking about your ex then what does that say about me?“

You stare at the ceiling, “Ripper-you wasn't that terrifying.“ You mock him, earning a snicker that makes your entire being warm.

“I'm certain some people would disagree a little bit.”

“Eh,” You shrug, kicking the comfort off of your legs. “Nothing I can't handle, baby.”

When his chuckles dies down, his tone comes back slightly serious and you pick up on the tinge of concern in it. Same as the day before.

You've unleashed your still-fresh wounds to Stefan a few minutes back. There's no one else you wanted to talk to after everything that's happened. You needed safety, you needed someone to ground you, to stop you from spiraling out of control. Stefan always does that.

He doesn't question too much nor does he judge the situation. He must have expected something like that would end up happening. Part of you wishes he would yell at you, telling you that he had been right and you should have listened to him from the start. Instead, he just listens.

Stefan understands that just as it's Kol, for you. It's Elena, for him. And there's nothing none of you can do about it.

“You can always come to me for anything,” he breaks the silence. “I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.”

Inhaling sharply, fiddling with your engagement ring, you ask, “Why?”

Why aren't you running away? Why do you want to deal with me for the rest of your life?

“Because I love you. And I'm not only here for the good times but also the bad times. I'm here for the ugly truth and I'll still be here for the worst part.” Your breathing is labored at this point. You refrain from telling him you don't deserve it. You don't deserve that he stays. You don't deserve that he's still here after everything. But it's his choice and he's choosing to love you with your baggage.

“For better and for worse. In sickness and in health, right?”

The snort that escapes you is nothing but awful. “You're an idiot.“ You shake your head, pressing the phone closer to your ear as if that would make him closer to you.

You can practically see his smirk through the phone. “But I'm your idiot.” He seems to ponder over your silence. “Ugh, that was cheesy, wasn't it?”

“Yes,” you confirm, biting your lip to avoid a stupid grin. “don't do that ever again.” You order, knowing he will most certainly do it more than ten times. Because that is how Stefan is like. He tells you bad jokes in bad moments to make you feel better, he keeps you company through a phone call for how long you need comfort for and he's the one that makes you feel perfectly fine at the end of the day.

“Please don't break-up with me, we're almost getting married.”

“I'll consider this plea.”

The conversation ends up reaching something lighter when he asks about Hope and Hayley. You tell him about Hope and how bright she is, you detail the tiny differences of New Orleans from before and now and you confess you miss him. Because you do.

In the end, this trip was good. It unfolded a part of your story that had been buried down in a drawer for a long time. You needed closure and you had it tonight. It's bittersweet and it's nostalgic and it's sad but it is necessary.

Which is why you no longer have doubts about your future. Everything seems perfectly clear now that you've confronted your past, the monsters do not look so big anymore.

“I love you,” he says. The line had gone silent for a while as both of you seem to be thinking over to yourselves.

His hoarse voice and clipped tone tells you that he's as affected by this trip as you are. You want to comfort him, saying that there's nothing you need to worry about, I'll come back, I'll always return to you. But none of that will get through his brain until your face to face, finally in each other's arms.

And something that you've come to see through a new perspective is that love isn't tiring, it isn't heavy nor it is draining. Love is strength, calmness and security. Love can be fire, kissing in the rain and a rollercoaster of emotions. But it's not bad and it's not rotten. It can, however, sometimes be doubtful. It can raise questions that can make you halt on your way to say yes, but that's okay. Because even though you're certain, you're allowed to not have all the answers and you're allowed to not be alone to search for them.

“I love you, too,” you breathe out, shutting your eyes to imagine you were close to him, in your safe place.

“It's so good to know that you're smiling right now.”

You let out a scoff, shaking your head but your mouth is quirking up in the sides. “Seriously, you've gotta stop doing that, Stef. Am I feeding your ego?” You don't wait for a response. “Don't answer that, I know I am.”

“Come home.”

Because no matter how much you occasionally missed your past, your present and future are greater than anything else you could have possibly desired.

❝ and that's the way I loved you...❞

“I will.”

You couldn't have asked for anything better.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[alternate ending]

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request: the party is at the Hopper-Byers house for the July 4th celebrations and Steve has a really bad nightmare caused by childhood trauma/abuse mixed in with Upside Down horror. He wakes up but is still lost in the nightmare + PTSD from the fireworks. Eddie can't calm him down. Nobody in the party can calm him down, he isn't fully awake. Its terrifying. What calms him down is Wayne, speaking in low tones about Garfield, and the weather and Eddie. He refuses to talk to anyone about the pleas and desperate sobs of "no..get off" & "leave me alone" but is extra clingy to Eddie & Wayne once he comes out of the flashback. It's also the 1st time he calls Wayne 'dad'

MY LOVE!!!!!! Sometimes I make myself cry so hard that I have to add the most ridiculous fluff to make it better. That's what's happened here. It's sad, it's hurt, but then it's so so so much comfort and fluff. I can't resist and I can't apologize. Plus you know supportive Wayne is like MY BRAND. Steve calling him dad? Jesus the tears I let out. I'm actually a pretty firm believer that at some point over the years, Eddie started calling him dad because he was a better one than his own ever was. Hope you all cry in a good way with this. - Mickala ❤️

-----------------------------------------------------------

Steve went to bed a while ago, his head hurting a bit too much to handle the fireworks show that Hopper and Jonathan were putting on. Eddie went with him, though he wasn’t tired, at Robin’s insistence.

She’d given him a look that said enough.

They’d all been dreading this day, at least a little, because of Starcourt the year before.

Steve was asleep in Will’s bed, curled up against Eddie’s side, breathing even.

Until it wasn’t.

Until his hands were gripping Eddie’s shirt like it was a lifeline, his feet started kicking like he was running from something.

He was whimpering in his sleep, clearly terrified of something, but Eddie couldn’t be sure what.

Steve tended to have a wide variety of nightmares: reminders of his childhood traumas, reminders of the Upside Down and Russians, and terrible visions of something that would hopefully never be the future.

They all caused him to struggle to wake up, and usually he was crying uncontrollably for hours when he finally did.

Eddie tried to prop himself up slightly, ready to try to hold Steve as still as he could.

Steve fought him off though, mumbling something in his sleep.

Eddie let him, knew better than to actively attempt waking him up during a nightmare.

He kept a hand on him, adjusting as Steve shifted in the bed. Trying to talk to him quietly, barely whispering reassurances that he was safe and loved and everyone would protect him.

Sometimes that worked. It wasn’t quite enough to wake him up from it, but he’d calm down and drift back into a mostly dreamless sleep.

Not this time.

He started sobbing, tears streaming down his cheeks from his still-closed eyes. He wasn’t quite tossing and turning, but he was moving enough that Eddie didn’t want to stay too close just in case either of them ended up hurt.

It killed him, but he put space between them.

“Eddie, no!”

Eddie flinched at the despair in Steve’s voice.

He heard a knock on the door, but couldn’t pull himself completely away to open it, so he yelled for them to come in.

Robin and Max were at the door with wide eyes, Dustin and Will standing behind them.

“Is he okay?” Robin started as she walked in.

“He’s having a nightmare.”

“Why can we not just wake him up?” El asked curiously.

“He wakes up on his own. If you try to wake him up he could accidentally hurt you.”

“But he is hurting,” she said, deep frown settling on her features as she watched Steve moving in bed.

Robin sat down on the edge of the bed just as a firework went off in the backyard, making her jump.

Steve’s eyes shot open, and he stopped moving.

But he wasn’t awake.

“Please stop. I can’t-“ Steve’s voice was pained, like he was being tortured.

“Hey, why don’t you rugrats go get Joyce or Hop or something?”

The kids hesitated, clearly not wanting to leave Steve even for a moment, but finally all turned to grab an adult from the firework show.

Joyce came in only a minute later, eyes wide and searching.

“Steve?” She asked as she got close to the bed, watching his open eyes crying silently now. “Sweetie, can you hear me?”

“This only happened once when I was around. He’s like, lost in the nightmare. He says when this happens is when he can physically feel what’s happening instead of just picturing it.”

“Bless his heart,” Joyce sighed. “Do you know what the nightmares are?”

“They’re different all the time,” Eddie said quietly.

“No, not her! I’m the one you want, right?” Steve yelled suddenly.

Everyone jumped and Steve and Robin shared a long glance.

“Maybe the Russians? We’ve had a lot of reminders today.”

Joyce placed a hand on his face to wipe his tears, but Steve flinched and curled himself into a ball.

“No, no, no,” he repeated.

“It’s okay, honey. It’s Joyce. We’re all gonna keep you safe,” she said softly, her hand still stroking through his hair.

She was trying to comfort him, but it seemed like the touch just made things worse. After another minute, she pulled her hand away and Eddie could see she was fighting back tears.

He put his hand on her shoulder as he heard a few more people come in.

“It’s okay. When he wakes up, he’ll be happy to know you tried,” Eddie said, though at this point, he figured if Steve knew that everyone was watching him have a nightmare, he’d be embarrassed at best, ashamed at worst.

“Maybe we should give him space,” Max suggested from the corner.

She suffered from terrible nightmares, too. She hated sleepovers now, usually chose to take the guest room of Steve’s house instead of on the floor in the living room with everyone just in case she had one. El would sometimes go with her, but most of the time, Max preferred being alone.

Steve was similar in that he usually hated anyone trying to take care of him, but Eddie and Robin usually didn’t give him a choice.

“Max is right,” Hopper said from the door, though he looked just as concerned as Joyce. “If he wakes up to all of us standing around him, he’s just gonna feel worse.”

“Let me get in there,” Wayne mumbled from behind Hopper.

Wayne had never seen Steve’s nightmares firsthand, just heard recounts of them from Eddie, but he’d felt terrible for the boy. He had his own share of nightmares from the war, and wouldn’t wish them on anyone.

Eddie and Wayne shared a look, one that had Eddie moving so Wayne could sit on the bed with Steve instead.

“Alright, everyone but Wayne and Eddie out!” Hopper said just loud enough to make a point.

Wayne wasn’t paying attention to everyone leaving, too focused on reading the situation at hand and preparing for whatever it might take to get Steve out of it.

“He ever punch when he’s in a nightmare?” He asked Eddie as he sat down close to him.

“Only once with Robin, then she learned to leave enough space that she could get up if he started throwing his hands around. It’s happened to me a couple times because I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“Alright, just stay right there for a few minutes. I’m gonna try to hold his wrists so I know if he’s gonna punch.”

“You aren’t restraining him, right? He doesn’t like to be restrained,” Eddie started nervously chewing on his hair.

“No, son. Not restraining. I’m gonna let him go if he starts to push against me, but it’s just so I know when he’s gonna start throwin’ his hands around.”

Eddie nodded and watched as Wayne sat back against the headboard of the bed and pulled Steve completely into his lap.

Steve wasn’t fighting it, but he was letting out little “no, no, no”’s until Wayne got him completely settled with his head against his chest, ear pressed to his heartbeat.

“Alright, bud, we’re gonna get you through this. You and me, kid. Just us. I’ve got you right here, you hear my heart? I got you.” Eddie watched as Steve’s crying continued to get worse. “Oh! You know that stupid Garfield mug? Broke the handle on it again. Damn thing seems like it’s giving up for good. I’ll have to steal the one you keep at the house.”

Steve’s whimpering was a bit quieter, his body relaxing a little more into Wayne.

“Tomorrow’s s’posed to be nice, maybe we should head out to the lake and fish. Leave Eddie behind, he scares the fish,” Wayne smirked over at Eddie, who was only holding back a comment because he was still too worried about Steve.

Steve was now silently crying, and Eddie knew he was probably closer to awake than asleep.

“I know you’ll probably say Eddie’s welcome, but that kid don’t shut up. Don’t know how you put up with him. Of my two boys, I’d much rather take you fishin’ and take Ed to a bar.”

Eddie bit his lip at the implication that Steve was one of Wayne’s boys. He knew Wayne adored Steve, but didn’t realize he was ready to adopt him as his own.

“There you are, bud. You awake?” Wayne was talking softer than Eddie had ever heard, and when he looked at Steve, he realized why.

Steve had finally managed to wake up completely, and his whole body was shivering, more from fear than being cold.

Eddie still found a blanket at the end of the bed and covered him, watching as Wayne mouthed a quick thank you over Steve’s head.

“You want me to keep talkin’?” Wayne asked.

Steve nodded.

“You got it, though this is more what Eddie’s good at. Ya know the first night he lived with me, I couldn’t get him to even say hello? Poor kid was like Bambi, didn’t trust anyone or anything, big brown eyes watching every breath I took until he was in his room. The next day I woke him up with pancakes, the recipe you like most with the cinnamon apples, and he hasn’t shut up since.”

Steve let out a breath that could have been a laugh if he wasn’t coming down from one of the worst nightmares Eddie’s seen him have.

Wayne’s hands were running along his arm and back, comforting and keeping him warm.

“Maybe we can head back to the house, I can make us those pancakes in the morning before we go fishin’. That sound good, kid?”

“Yeah, dad.”

Eddie’s eyes widened, and he saw Wayne’s hands freeze.

Then Steve was trying to pull away, his eyes shining with unshed tears that hadn’t been there a moment ago.

But Wayne pulled him back, held him against his chest and placed a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m not lettin’ you go yet, son. Not unless you would rather be with Ed.”

Steve shook his head.

Eddie didn’t take offense to it, he was with Steve all the time and he knew Wayne was the best at giving support in times like this.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“What?”

“Anything.”

Steve shook his head.

“You ever talk about it with anyone?”

Steve shook his head.

“You think you should?”

Steve nodded.

“I ever tell you about when I got back from Vietnam?”

Steve shook his head.

“Is it okay if Ed sits down on the bed with us? Maybe you can hold his hand.”

Thank every god for Wayne Munson. Eddie was practically crawling out of his skin with the need to have his hand on Steve, make sure he was really okay.

Steve nodded.

Eddie sat down on the other side of Wayne, letting his head rest against his shoulder while Steve propped his legs in his lap.

“Everyone cozy?”

“Mhm,” Steve said.

“Yeah,” Eddie replied.

“When I first got back, I couldn’t sleep at all. Sometimes I’d drift off in my chair when I got too tired, but I’d usually wake up so quick my body didn’t even know I fell asleep. That went on for months until Jim got back. He was so much younger than me, ya know? Didn’t seem right that he had to go through what I did. We met for lunch a few times, we talked. He didn’t have much to say, neither did I, but sometimes we had a story to share. And ya know, dammit if it didn’t help.”

Eddie remembers back when he first started living with Wayne how he would sometimes have Hopper over for dinner, but never explained how they even really knew each other until he was older. Even then, he didn’t say much except that they had a lot of similar war stories.

“Didn’t have the time or money for professional help, but sometimes just gettin’ stuff off your chest can help. Ya know, I cut back my hours at the plant. Don’t need to work all that overtime now that the government bought us a house and pays the bills on it. Kinda nice to just have some time for doin’ what I wanna do. Maybe we could start takin’ a few hours a week to go fishin’. Maybe have lunch at the diner and chat.”

Eddie could feel tears running down his face at Wayne’s offer, at how much he cared for Steve.

“You’d wanna do that with me?” Steve’s voice was shaking, and Eddie didn’t have to see his face to know he was crying.

“I’d love to, bud. You’re my kiddo, ya know? Just as much as Eddie is.”

Steve let out a sob, and curled further into Wayne’s chest. Eddie squeezed his knee, letting him know he was there if he needed him.

“I love ya, kid. You’re gonna be just fine, alright? Not gonna let anyone or anything hurt you.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“Anytime, kiddo.”

They stayed there for a while, probably close to an hour, Steve holding Eddie’s hand while Wayne talked to them both.

Eventually, everyone was heading home and Steve decided to head back with Wayne and Eddie instead of staying with the Byers as planned.

“Get some rest, honey. We love you,” Joyce wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as he said his goodbyes to everyone.

The ride back was quiet, Wayne driving them both in his truck, the radio playing old country the whole way home.

When they got home, Steve decided to take a quick shower before he went to bed, said he didn’t feel clean.

Wayne furrowed his brows, but nodded.

Eddie kissed him once on the forehead before letting him head to the bathroom.

Wayne turned to him when they heard the shower turn on, his face pained.

“Has he ever talked about his childhood?”

“Not much. Said he used to spend summers with his grandparents and cousins when his parents didn’t wanna take him with them. He hated it, but didn’t say much about it.”

Wayne looked, somehow, worse.

“Has he ever been scared to be touched? Even just a hug? Outside of the nightmares?”

Eddie nodded.

“I mean, not so much with me or Robin anymore, but sometimes with the others, yeah.”

Wayne put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sad smile.

“It’s not my place to make assumptions, but I think he had plenty of good reasons to hate staying with his grandparents and cousins. Just promise me you’ll listen if he talks to ya? No interruptin’ or judgin’.”

“Of course. I love him, I don’t want him to hide stuff from me,” Eddie responded.

“I know. I love ya, kid.”

“Love ya too,” Eddie was slightly confused, but didn’t ask. Steve would be done soon in the shower and he wanted to make sure he had some of his clothes to wear to bed.

Wayne made his way to his own room, giving a quick knock to the bathroom door and yelling that he loved him. Eddie heard a “love you, dad” in response.

Eddie had viewed Wayne as his dad for years, had called him dad sometimes when he let his guard down a bit. Wayne just had the natural protective, caring personality that a good father has, and Steve wasn’t immune to it.

When Steve made it out of the shower, Eddie was pulling the extra blanket out of his closet for Steve to wrap himself in like he did anytime he had a nightmare.

Steve walked over to him, towel wrapped around his waist, and leaned against him.

Eddie let his hands rest on his hips, right where the towel rested.

“Doing okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Thanks for sharing Wayne with me.”

“Oh, angel, I don’t make that call. Wayne pretty much adopted you day one and I just had to let it happen,” Eddie smirked.

Steve giggled and kissed Eddie’s collarbone.

“I’m gonna talk to you about it all someday. I will. I promise.”

“No rush, sweet love. When you’re ready, though, I’m right here. So is Wayne.”

“I know. Love you.”

“Love you so much.”

As they fell asleep in Eddie’s bed that night, he realized what Wayne was alluding to and his heart broke into a million pieces. If he was right, then Steve had horrors unimaginable even before the Upside Down.

But Eddie would be here to listen to it when he was ready. He knew it would be hard to hear, but not nearly as hard as it had to be for Steve to live with.

And they both had Wayne, who wouldn’t let either of his boys hurt if he could help it.

[prismaticpichu]

B, C, F!!

You got it!! 💕

~

Any of your stories inspired by personal experience? ~ Yes!!! One of my personal favorite fics, Lightning, has a huge focus on PTSD and the sense of confusion that comes with spontaneous triggers/episodes. For instance, (and without getting into too much detail) I myself have been able to handle being in a room full of drunk people just fine- while other times looking at a wine glass can cause my heart to pick up speed. Sephiroth in that fic is plagued by horrible memories of being electrocuted by Hojo as a child (triggered by a storm outside), yet is left confused and ashamed, claiming that he has been able to handle trekking through thunderstorms in the past without ever breaking a sweat. The point I was trying to get across there is that, sometimes- and as Zack puts it- PTSD episodes can be completely random, like “lightning having the chance to strike a tree.” Sometimes, we’re just hit by it when other times we’re not. And that’s okay <333 It’s absolutely okay.

What character do you identify with most? ~ ON A LIGHTER NOTE LOL I think I see a lot of parallels in myself to Zack!! It’s hard to always stay positive- especially when his world seems to be imploding- but the young First always tries his best to keep everyone’s spirits high!! I imagine he’s someone who genuinely finds catharsis in making others smile, even when he himself is having trouble doing so. He’s the exact kind of person I strive to be: kind, optimistic, and loyal until the very end!! <333

Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic? ~ Absolutely!!! How about I share a few?? <333 (and it doesn’t specify that they have to be MINE soooooo~)

• Warning: Flash Photography by @tardistype221b ~ absolutely ADORE this fic for its implementation of very realistic PTSD- with the flashbacks beautifully laced throughout!!- and Zack being there to comfort his best friend <333 ahhhhhh!!!

• A Haven of Hyacinths by @dyradoodles ~ Just PEAK catharsis wherein a Jenova-purified Seph is reunited with Zack in the Lifestream <333

• Footfalls by @altocat ~ another extremely cathartic ride, only it’s post-Nibelheim addition!! <333 Zack is essentially doing what he does best- carrying a delirious Sephiroth across the snowy mountains as they escape ShinRa’s clutches <333 All with the most beautiful writing you can imagine!!

• Poster Boy by copper_nights ~ Protective Angeal being the best friend on the face of Gaia <33333 Gahhhh I love this author sm!!! So many amazing fics in their arsenal!!

• When the Stars Shine Brightest by @lucky-ladybugs-lovelies (I believe this is the right blog??? Plz forgive me person I tag if it’s not!! 😂❤️) ~ anyway lol THIS FIC MADE ME CRY. LIKE… IT LEGITIMATELY DID. NO OTHER FIC HAS MADE ME CRY BEFORE OR SINCE. Fic follows an extremely shattered Sephiroth in the aftermath of Zack’s death- having been killed on a mission. That’s all I can say without spoiling the rest, bc it’s really worth going in blind <333 Do note that 1) this fic is on FF.Net and might need a little more digging to get to and 2) it is a sequel fic- but I promise you its predecessor, Shine Until Tomorrow, is worth the read itself <333 It’s really just an incredible story she tells, and i’ve always been such a HUGE fan of her worldbuilding <333 SOLDIER always feels so alive!!! As do the characters!!

(Side note- if you ever fsr wondered where my love for Zack & Seph came from, it started here 😂 With this wonderful author!!!)

[dixieconley]

The Red Death

Thorn: I feel terrible. I think I coughed a lung up. Can I fake my death and take a day off? Thire: Not feeling so hot either, vod. Can I take the war off? Fox: ::flatly:: If I don't get time off, you don't either. I don't remember the last time I felt good. Thorn: So you're not sick like the rest of us? Fox: …

::flashback 1:: Triage: One of Hound's people brought back a fast-acting virus with them after visiting the lower levels. Most of the Guard is already infected and the rest are likely to get it soon. Fox: … Fox: We can get sick? Triage: Apparently. I don't know what this is. If I could, I'd find out what it is and see if there's a cure. But I don't have the training or the tools. Fox: … Triage: Best case scenario, we quarantine the Guard and wait to see how many survive. Fox: And the worst case scenario? Triage: … Triage: You don't want to know.

::flashback 2:: Fox: Your excellency, may I speak with you? Palpatine: Of course, commander. It would be my pleasure. Fox: I-- Palpatine: And commander, take your helmet off, would you? I like to see the faces of the people I'm talking with. Fox: … Fox: ::takes helmet off:: Sir, it would be in the best interests of everyone if other parties took over the Guard's duties for the next few days. Many of my men are ill and my chief medical officer tells me that it's likely all of us will be by the end of the week-- Palpatine: Oh? And why would you think you deserve something like that? Fox: I-- ::vomits on Palpatine's imported handwoven carpet:: Palpatine: Disgusting. Truly disgusting. No, commander, you'll do your duty or you die. You're all replaceable anyway. Perhaps your successor will be more competent than you. And less pathetic. Succumbing to a common virus, really. Hardly worth the money paid for you.

Fox: It doesn't matter. We do our duty or we die. Thire: Or we do our duty and we die. Thorn: That's the spirit! Always look on the bright side, vod!

And Fox would say something, but Thire's not wrong. So…

Fox: Business as usual, vod'e. Dead and dying to the medbay, pair up so that if one person passes out, the other can cover for them and try not to vomit on any senators. Thorn: If I can't puke on a senator, can I puke on the chancellor instead? Fox: … Thorn: Fox, you magnificent hypocritical bastard. You didn't. Fox: I only got the carpet. Thorn: I want to be you when I grow up.

And so the Corries get on with their jobs because no one cares if they're sick or not while Fox resigns himself to signing off on several decommissioning orders by the end of the day because the majority of senators have an extremely low tolerance for clones behaving like anything other than droids. (That a significant number seem to think of them as sex droids? Fox would like to see how they fare against the real thing.)

What no one realizes is that the Vode were genetically engineered to be better than their progenitor. To be more resistant to disease, to heal faster and, whenever possible, to not get sick at all. For them to all get sick at once? Requires something highly contagious and more along the lines of a deadly bioterrorism agent, not a mere common cold.

And so:

Thorn: Fox! Fox! Fox: ::irritable and feverish:: What?? Thorn: The chancellor is dead! And so is most of the senate! This is just the Best! Day! Ever!! Fox: … Fox: What happened?? Thorn: I don't know? They just started keeling over. There's bodies everywhere. It's great. I guess it started with the worst of the shiny raping demagolka and spread from there? Triage: This is the worst case scenario I was afraid of. Natborns aren't built to handle the kinds of things that the Vode are. Interesting that it crosses the species barrier though. Thorn: And I got to puke on Free Ta when he tried to stick his kad down my throat! This really is the best day ever! Fox: … Fox: I'm giving everyone the rest of the day off. We'll revisit in the morning. Triage: Why? It's too late to quarantine the Guard. The disease has already spread to the Senate and likely outside of it as well. And recovery will take more than a day in any case. Fox: … Triage: You are quarantining the Guard, right? That is what you're trying to do, isn't it?? Fox: … Fox: Once everyone's gotten some sleep, we'll reassess. Thorn: And throw a party! Because it's not every day you kill the biggest bastards in the galaxy by heaving your guts out.

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I am once again begging Ed stans to understand that it's possible to love Ed and believe he deserves love AND also admit that he mistreated and tormented the crew during the Kraken era. Not only is this possible, this is the position the show wants you to have. You think Izzy deserved everything he got? Fine, whatever, forget about him for a minute. There's a whole crew in there you're supposed to empathise with and feel sympathy for, too. The six of them that Ed actively tried to kill or left for dead, for starters. Pay attention to the crew's experiences and reactions. They're shown to be traumatised, grieving, clinging to disassociation (Frenchie) and nihilism (Archie) as coping mechanisms and suffering from PTSD flashbacks. And, since this type of fans constantly go on about how it's racist to think Ed did anything wrong... what about the fact that a lot of the crew are PoC too? What then?

If you've watched the first 3 episodes of S2 and there was only one person on that ship you felt sorry for, then you're not a fan of OFMD, you're just a fan of Ed in isolation. And if the only way you can love Ed is by denying that he ever did anything wrong, then you're completely missing the point of the show. OFMD never said that people only deserve to be loved if they're morally perfect and flawless. The show doesn't subscribe to the dichotomy of Good vs Bad. Good people can do bad things. They can hurt the ones they love. Even if they didn't mean to, even if they themselves were suffering at the time, it doesn't mean they don't need to take responsibility for their actions or avoid the consequences. Stede didn't mean to hurt Mary and his kids when he left, but he still did. He had legitimate reasons for leaving, he didn't just do it for the lolz, but it was still wrong and Mary was right to be angry at him. And Stede needed to face up to this - not just for their sake but his too. Even though it turned out their lives were better off without him, reconciling with Mary was still crucial for his character development.

It was the same for Ed, it just didn't get handled quite as well due to lack of screentime, but the idea was the same. When Ed realises he'd been cruel to Fang and apologises, he isn't sinking into self-hatred and despair. Quite the contrary, this is a moment of growth for him. Because the fact is, just because you as a human being are inherently worthy of love doesn't mean you can go around hurting everyone and expecting them to put up with you. That's just not how it works. You don't need to be perfect, but you do need to listen to people when they tell you that you hurt them and apologise genuinely and try to be better. The show is very sympathetic to Ed but it does NOT excuse his actions. The crew aren't portrayed as villains or antagonists for being scared and angry at Ed for what he did to them. Even Stede was on their side with this one. If even Stede is able to see things from the crew's POV and have sympathy for them, then you should too. Stede doesn't love Ed because he sees Ed as a pure uwu angel. He loves Ed... because he just does. He loves being around him. They really click together. They have so much in common. That doesn't mean he approves of literally everything Ed has ever done. It just means he loves Ed despite that.

[thenerdnextdoorxo]

The team finds a young woman frozen in the water and somehow she's alive but she isn't a super solider she's actually from the titanic and she's a superhuman so she was able to survive being frozen that long and i'd wonder if you can write the teams reaction to that and how'd they get her to open up to them trust them enough so they can help her adapt to the modern age all while trying not to trigger anything from her past butttt Peter isn't aware that they found her and he just thinks she's a new member and does a prank where he pushes her into a pool or dumps a bunch of water on her and triggers a flashback. the team is mad at him for ruining whatever chances they had at connecting with her so he tries to apologize to her but she just walks off. They send wanda tony and nat(my fav trio) to look for her and talk to her and they find her crying on the rooftop. when she hears them come in(superhuman things) she acts as if she wasn't crying but they see right through it and they sit with her and try their best to comfort her

Interesting request :)

It's 1912.

You the first one to be tested to have the super soldier gene. You were very famous, everyone wanted to talk to you and see you in action, fighting or lifting heavy things. This was really strange and shocking at the time since back then science wasn't as advanced. You were told that you had a performance at New York City, and it had happened that the largest ship at the time was going there.

You were nervous, you never went to a ship before, but you were also excited since you were going to New York. The day came, and you got up the ship, you said your goodbyes to your family, and then the ship sailed. The ride was magical, you always loved the ocean. And while you were leaning on the railing admiring the ocean, the ship started shaking.

You quickly held onto the railing so you don't fall, you looked left to your left and right and you saw that people were falling and screaming. You let go of the railing to help the people but, as soon as you let go of the railing, you fell off the ship and the cold water hit you like knives where stabbing your skin. You tried to hold on but the water was so cold, even if your body had the super soldier gene, it couldn't handle the cold. And then you passed out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2012.

Fury was just informed about another super soldier stuck in an iceberg. Since your situation is similar to Steve's situation, Fury sent him with Clint, and Natasha. At first, Steve felt really bad for you, he was in your position one day and he understands what you must be feeling, especially the fact that you were stuck in that iceberg more than him.

He knew you were the first super soldier, he was told that when he was going through the process. He was told that you died with the rest from the Titanic, but they were wrong, you were trapped all that time.

When the avengers got there and managed to free you, you were a mess. You were so scared of your surroundings and how different it all looked like. Steve handled that, saying the things he wanted to hear when he was in your situation.

After a while with them, you started warming up to them and they liked you, everyone likes you. You were just so wholesome and so kind, they all had fun training with you. But there is someone they completely forgot to tell them about you.

Peter Parker.

He knew you, but he was not that you were found in an iceberg. He just thought that you were a normal person. Peter picked up a habit of pranking the avengers. They all thought they were funny. But you weren't. Every time someone got pranked, you just imagined that the prank was done on you and you felt a bit scared. Ever since you were pulled out of the iceberg you were on the edge emotionally.

Everyone was so careful around you. But since Peter was not told any of that, he didn't think much of it when he pushed you to the pool during a party. You didn't hear him sneaking behind your back at all. All you saw was water. And that's why you started panicking.

You couldn't see, you couldn't breath, you couldn't even think. All there was in your brain is flashbacks of the Titanic sinking. The moment the avengers noticed the scene in front of them, they immediately got to their feet.

"Peter! what did you do?!" Natasha exclaimed. When Peter heard Natasha screaming, he realized that he did something wrong. "What's going on? what is it?" He said. Tony grasped that Peter had no idea how they found you, so he took him by the arm and walked to the side of the party and started explaining to him.

The rest of the team was focused only on getting you out of the pool. Clint jumped on the water and hooked his arm around your waist and swam to the surface. When he brought you out of the water, Wanda grabbed you from your shoulder and looked at you, trying to figure out whether you were okay or not.

You weren't.

You were breathing heavily, but it felt like air was not filling your lungs. She pulled you closer to her chest trying to calm you down, and after a while, you started breathing normally. You heard footsteps to your side and when you looked, you saw Peter. You weren't having it, so you stood up and left. Wanda, Tony, and Nat walked behind you trying to catch you, but because of your super soldier gene, they couldn't.

You sat at the roof, feeling like you were trapped at that day. You tried getting your head away from it by looking at the view, but you couldn't. That's when you heard footsteps climbing up the stairs. You heard them using your super soldier hearing and tried to stop crying before they see you like that.

When they saw you, they came rushing to you to make sure that you were okay. You tried hiding your eyes so they don't see that you were crying, but they did. And that made them more concerned. "Y/N, detk, we promise you that nothing like this would ever happen to you," Wanda said. You scoffed, you didn't believe them.

"Y/N, we made a mistake not telling Peter about your situation, that's our fault, but I promise you, nothing like this will ever happen again, please, give us another chance," Tony said, looking closely at your eyes. "Yeah, I'll personally make sure of that," Natasha said, raising her fist which made you chuckle a bit.

"So, what do you say? Are you giving us another chance?" Natasha said and you nodded. "Please don't make me regret it," You said and Tony couldn't contain his happiness and hugged you tightly. You leaned in to the hug, you haven't had any physical affection in years.

"You won't regret it, I promise, we all promise,"

================================================

Currently writing this while debating whether I should do my homework or go to sleep lol

My requests are open

<3333

[hollyhomburg]

But…I’m a bit confused. Wasn’t Hoseok in an all omega’s pack? Moonbyul is an alpha, isn’t she?? And how can that save MC? Loved the chapter though, thank you lovely author

Okay so! here in lies the foundation of the story and really- the foundation of hoseok's secret being a secret. moonbyul is in fact- an omega and not an alpha. she is masking her true subgender with a combination of hormone therapy and scent augmentation.

WARNING: this may possibly spoil a little bit of the next chapter! read at your own risk!

MOONBYULS SECRET BREAKDOWN:

this is by no means a comprehensive list of every time that it was foreshadowed but i'm going to do my best to show which sections hinted at this the most (it took me a few hours to track all of them down lol thank god for the search function).

firstly- i'll remind you of the rules to become don; this is from chapter 3, the chapter that we first meet the family and the m/c and geumjae.

in order to rule the criminal empire- you must be an alpha. in this chapter- we also see yoongi meet moonbyul for the first time- and see that her scent is described as 'artificial smelling' because it is artificial.

we also see this same language parroted every other time that moonbyul is in scene. She smells artificial to the point that everyone who meets her notices it, like here in chapter 34:

and here in chapter 61: here- we notice that when moonbyul looses her cool, she starts to smell sweeter- more like an omega.

during a flashback scene- the m/c also notices that in the moon packs nest room- there are vials of different drugs and alot of them, like moonbyul is taking something every day. we also see that that the nest is more her's than any of the others. this is the only place where moonbyul lets her omegan nature shine through. the only place where it is allowed. i think this chapter is somewhere in the 40's in terms of chapter:

These hormones are very very similar to the kind that tae takes. and we actually see the same hormone mentioned when tae is having her conversation for gender affirming care in chapter 47:

it's also worth mentioning that this same sort of language is actually used also once tae's scent starts to change form. once tae goes off of these hormones her scent will stabilize and loose that edge. but for now; she too smells artificial.

this ties in with hobi's whole secret too; the moon pack left him when moonbyul started her transition- because she knew she wanted to lead both the moon family and the whole empire one day and she could not do that as an omega.

hobi was entirely unaware that they where even connected to the family or what the family even was when they where dating. they made the judgement call that they neither wanted him enough- nor that he was strong enough to handle a life of crime and cut him off so that moonbyul could make her transition. i don't think they ever intended to tell him.

NOTE: all of the buisness that yoongi has worked at- past present and future are all going to be connected to the family in some way- mostly because it is the easiest way for him to remain 'on call' during normal buisness hours and evade the authorities. that means- both the coffee shop that jin worked at and the record store are both fronts for the family. it's was noted in the last chapter but moonbyul is the one who got hobi the job at the record store.

But she never intended on hobi and yoongi falling in love. She didn't know that hobi was in yoongi's pack until chapter 60 when she recongizes hobi's scent on the m/c- and realizes the one person who knows her secret- might be poised to tell the very person who might be able to truly de-stabalize her rule; a member of the fbi and the beta.

here is the section where she recognizes hobi's scent:

Which brings us to the coffee shop scene. where the root of all of this unraveling kind of began.

in chapter 12 after the m/c has tried to leave the pack for the first time- hobi and the mc go to the coffee shop where yoongi and jin met- meaning the pup running the coffee shop- is also connected to the mafia and is in the 'know' as far as the kill list, the don and the beta, and all of that information is concerned. the barrista knows hobi is on the no kill list before he steps foot inside.

Hobi and the m/c go to the coffee shop 4 months after moonbyul has become don- meaning- hobi is already on the no-kill list that has just been circulated. The barista recognizes hobi from the no kill list and puts two and two together when hobi says. "i was the only alpha in my pack"

this is that section:

it's worth mentioning that the m/c is not on this no-kill list- and the barrista doesn't know the identity of the m/c- only hobi. However- the no kill list prevents even the don from killing people on it- so moonbyul isn't able to just- kill hobi to keep him from saying any of it.

If the information that moonbyul is an omega where to be widely circulated by yoongi- her position as don and possibly her life would be forfeit.

if you have any more questions about it! i'll try to answer them but yeah- thats most of it!

[gracie7209]

Fine Again

A Joel Miller Oneshot

Pairing: Joel x platonic-f!Reader, Joel x Tess

Word Count: 3k

Rating: Mature. Nothing explicit, but deals with some difficult themes.

Warnings: Major major trigger warnings. Please see the A/N at the bottom for more descriptions. I don’t want to give anything away, but if you’re worried about the content, they’re posted below. No Ellie au, some things are canon compliant, other things are definitely not. Drugs (pills) and drinking, coping mechanisms, heavy angst, depression, SI, suicide, brief descriptions of going into labor, not in detail. PTSD, flashbacks, Additional Trigger warnings are posted below. Reader POV. This idea came to me today and I literally just wrote it and briefly looked over everything, so all mistakes are mine!

**PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS!**

Summary: Joel and Tess meet you on their journey West to find Tommy. Letting you tag along and eventually finding him, you all get the chance to settle in Jackson. Joel battles with depression.

A/N: This, came out of fucking nowhere to be honest. Was listening to a new (to me) song and this demanded to be written. No idea why, and I never thought that this would be the first thing I would ever write for Joel, but here we are. Again, please see warnings below for possible triggers. I honestly live for your comments, questions, reblogs, likes etc Thank You for reading!

**Tagging those I think might be interested. Please let me know if you’d rather not be tagged**

Main Masterlist | Alternate Ending

You had thought you were making progress with him. Getting him out of the house to have dinner and being around everyone again. That night he didn’t want to. Halfway begged you not to make him leave, but you knew he couldn’t go on living isolated away from everyone.

You had promised him. You promised him that he would be fine. All he had to do was eat dinner, and you would bring him home. Easy enough right?

But when Maria walked in, you saw him practically shut down. The impending birth of Tommy’s child reminding him of the loss of his own… You had hoped that he would make it through dinner and that you could both leave, taking him home to let him get some sleep.

After finishing your plate, Joel had hardly even touched his, but you look to see if he’s ready and he gives you a stiff nod. But, before you get a chance to leave, there’s an ugly scream of intense pain and Joel is drained of all color. Maria’s labor starts and she is breathing harshly, quickly, little gasps to help stave off the pain, but all Joel can hear is Sarah…. His hands start to rattle as his head moves from side to side. When everyone rushes over to Maria, yourself included, Joel doesn’t move. You look back at him, and see him clearly struggling to keep it together….

Sarah had died in his arms. Even Tess. She had died in his arms after a group of raiders jumped their patrol group a few months after arriving in Jackson. Tess had gotten a shot off, but she had already been hit. Joel didn’t get to say goodbye as she never regained consciousness after falling from her horse. Joel had picked her up, tried to stop the bleeding. Feeling for her pulse until it eventually dwindled to nothing, and she was gone.

No, he couldn’t handle anyone else dying in his arms… so you made sure Tommy had everything covered, helped walk him and Maria out, but when you went back for Joel he was already gone.

–

Finding him at this particular cabin wasn't a shock to you. Although he said he would never go back here after Tess, he would disappear randomly for a day or two, looking haggard and rough when he came back and you just knew. He never told anyone else about this place. It was his own private escape. To try to grieve his losses in solitude. Where he could let out whatever demons ravaged his mind, and you left it alone, hoping he would eventually benefit from it in some way.

You think the reality of it instead was that the almost constant isolation fostered his depression. Allowing him to further distance himself from the rest of you.

You tried. You had really tried with him. He would begrudgingly accept your help. Your kind disposition would even get a smile out of him sometimes. You would cook for him, help him get cleaned up, help him around his home and just try to visit with him. When he refused to talk, you would do the talking and he would just listen. Or you hoped he had.

You would sleep on his couch when the nights would get really bad. He would mix the booze with whatever pills he could find to make himself forget, if even for a moment. You would wake up to his nightmares. His calls, always to Sarah. “Please baby girl, Please. Please, we gotta get you up. Sarah! Sarah!”-- and you would slowly put a hand to his shoulder. Applying pressure as you sat next to him. Peacefully trying to pull him from the memories that plagued him. His bloodshot eyes filled with tears, would always look to you, he would grab onto your arm and you would pull his head into your lap. Stroking through his messy curls until a less fitful sleep would find him.

You would eventually pull yourself from his grip and go back to the couch, content to rest there until it started all over again.

When he was sober, which wasn’t often, he was restless. Body shaking in withdrawal, until he could get even a sip to help calm his frayed nerve endings. The end of the world had taken so much from so many. And Joel was no exception.

–

But this time he doesn’t come back, even the next morning. You felt in your bones that he needed someone if it wasn’t too late already. So, you eventually decide to just go and saddle up your horse to find him yourself.

And find him you do….. in the one place that he and Tess had found and shown you, about a week before Tess was killed.

It was secluded and well hidden. Only having found it on patrol one day when they decided to venture further than their usual patrol route. Things had been sparse then. Lucky for the community as a whole, no raiders or clickers, but the boredom of those patrols made for long and tedious days. After finding this little gem, Tess and Joel had shown it to you and planned to take it up with Tommy and try to make it a new patrol stop, a place to rest and regroup as it was quite a bit further out than the current route.

But before they had a chance to bring it to Tommy, Tess was killed and Joel refused to go back. It was never brought up again.

–

You find him early in the afternoon…. Passed out drunk on the broken couch in the living area, but he was breathing so you felt relief at that, at the very least.

You waited until he finally woke up on his own, hours later. You doubt he’d eaten and sadly, you think that his intention had been to just drink himself to death out here.

When he finally wakes, he’s crying. Inconsolable. You hold him….. he keeps repeating “I’m sorry, I’m sorry……” over and over again. To who? You don’t know. To you? No…. To Tess? To Sarah?

You didn’t know much about his little girl, but you didn’t need to know the details to understand the weight of that kind of loss. And having been around Tess and Joel together for a few months beforehand, you had understood the gist of what Tess had been to him–

–She was familiar, and she was warm. She kept him steady, level headed, and with a somewhat clear path in mind. And without her, he had been lost. Without Tommy or Tess he had no real direction. Tommy was there, but not in the way Joel needed. Tommy had made his own life out here and Joel knew he couldn’t interfere, but it left him feeling alone.

–

Now, his stare was blank and he wouldn’t look at you for a long time. When he finally comes around again, at the very least to acknowledge your presence, he tells you he feels like shit, that he was hungry and thirsty so you feed him what little you had brought along with you.

After a bit, he seems better. There’s a little color back in his cheeks and he was even asking about Tommy and Maria now, and the baby…. You had left to find him before the baby had even been born, but you assured him that everything was going to be fine.

You felt relieved that he seemed to be doing ok, all things considered.

And when you offered to take him back, he, albeit reluctantly, agreed. He tells you to go ahead and pack up, that he just needed to grab a few things. He had already dressed and put his boots on, so you go ahead and go outside to situate the horses.

A few minutes go by and Joel has yet to come outside. Fitting the last of the supplies in your sack, you pull the straps tight, securing everything to your horse. You start making your way back to the cabin when you hear a gunshot ring out that spooks the horses with its proximity and your heart drops. Almost instantly you take off…. Running inside, taking the steps two at a time... he's not inside. Running out back, you yell for him. “JOELLLL JOEELLLL!!!!”

Where the fuck did he go? What the fuck did he do? “Joel! JOEL!!!!!!”

Slightly off from the back porch, you follow a tiny path that leads into the woods… god he couldn’t have gone far….. it had only been maybe five minutes tops since you had gone outside, leaving Joel in the cabin.

Looking left and right as you go along, you’re panicking. Thinking the absolute worst, until finally you stop.

Your feet refuse to move you forward, your heart is in your throat as you choke on a sob.

You find him sitting underneath a tree, his back to you against the trunk.

All you can see from where you stand is his slumped form leaning off to the side. Tess’s gun in his hand, his arm laying slack against the ground….

You’re crying now, you know you’re shouting “JOEL! JOEL OH MY GOD!”…but you can’t hear anything past the high pitched ringing in your ears. “Joel…?? Joel, What did you do? …please God, please… no no, no, no, no…..”

Pulse pounding, you take a step closer, then another, and another. Until you’re finally close enough that you can touch his hand with your booted foot. You turn and squat down, unable to look at anything but the ground below your feet. You tentatively take the gun from his hand as it sits loosely in his barely there grip. Tossing it to the side without a glance. Your hand moves up his arm, resting your fingers delicately against his chest, lightly touching his coat… you’re not sure you have it in you to do this. You can’t look at his face. Worried, knowing what you’ll see there. The tears cascading down your cheeks fall onto his coat, the heavy drops darken the brown material as your fingers now grip it so tightly, your knuckles turn white.

This isn’t happening. This can’t be fucking happening. Why? Why would he do this? To Tommy? To you?

You lean down to put your head against his chest. Breathing him in. He still smells the same despite the alcohol. You’d never really paid it any mind before, but you can’t fathom never smelling this again. Never being near him again. In the months, almost a year now that you’ve known him, he’d become a kind of safety net for you. He helped take care of you. But after Tess, he never recovered. That loss, on top of what you had only barely learned about his daughter, Sarah, and the aftermath of that loss….. It ultimately became too much for him.

When your knees practically give out after having held you up for so long, you allow yourself to crumble, knees digging into the cold, wet dirt. You brace your hand on the ground to your right, and it’s then that the stark reality hits you square in your chest and you finally break, looking at the source of the now cold, almost sticky substance now coating your palm and fingers.

–

After meeting Joel and Tess back in KC, they allowed you to tag along, for what reason you will never know. It took a little time, but Tess warmed to you the quickest. You were helpful, pulled your weight and you were kind. Joel eventually thawed. His cold grumpy demeanor never exactly went away, but he acknowledged you, and when things settled down after finding Tommy in Jackson, he even included you in plans and new patrol routes. He hassled you over stupid things sometimes. Those were your favorite moments. When it seemed like he was coming out of his shell. They never lasted long, those moments. Always fleeting glimpses of a Joel that had been buried beneath his grief and anger.

You felt at the very least, accepted by the odd pair. What they were to each other wasn’t normal by any means, but after everything? What the fuck was normal anyway? It was enough for them, so it was enough for you.

After Tess, Joel had tried to push you away. He was an asshole, rude, and downright mean sometimes. But, ever the persistent one, you pressed on. Not letting him shut you out completely. Unfortunately, it was never enough. You had hoped that he could go on to feel some semblance of peace, even after everything. Lord knows, in spite of what he felt were the horrible things he had done to survive, what he had to do to keep Tommy safe, Tess safe, you safe… He was a good man underneath and he deserved peace.

Looking at him now, his eyes are closed. It was clean, the blood streaking down the side of his face to the ground below. You put your hand on his other cheek. Stroking your thumb lightly over his graying scruff, the foot of your many jokes about his age that never failed to get a rise out of him.

The pain you feel is so intense at the grief of knowing that this would be the last time you would see it. That this was the last time you would know his face this way; peaceful…. The irony makes your stomach drop and you feel nauseous.

Swallowing it down, you lean forward and press a barely there kiss to his forehead.

“It’s ok, it’s ok…. You’re with them now. Rest, Joel. It’s ok.”

–

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A/N: Major Character Death, depression and anxiety, panic attacks, and suicide. This was a hard one for me to write, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. I’ve wanted to write for Joel for a while and never in my wildest ideas, did I ever think I would write something like this. It’s unreal to me how this came about, but anyway.

**For anyone struggling with depression and anxiety, or with thoughts of suicide, please please, reach out to someone. Anyone. The world is a better place with you in it. I will never pretend to know exactly what you’re going through, but I will gladly be an ear to listen at any time.

[andreal831]

Elijah Mikaelson is my comfort character

Elijah Mikaelson is my comfort character and it's not because he is perfect. He is a deeply flawed character who lived most of his life as a villain and a lot of his character development is done off-camera. But there is something so interesting about how he is viewed in the show and by a lot of the fandom.

I love his character because of how I relate to his trauma and how he handles that trauma (which I acknowledge is problematic). He spends the majority of his life trying to make amends for every wrong he has ever done yet he is unable to learn his lesson and repeatedly makes these mistakes. He is paralyzed by the fear of failing his brother once again that he will do anything for him, even at the cost of his other siblings.

We see from a young age that Elijah was 'parentified' by his parents and his siblings and carried that into adulthood. He doesn't have a normal sibling relationship with any of his siblings because of this. Everyone holds him to a higher standard and blames him for their problems as if he was the one that failed them. Yet at the end of the day, he was just like them, struggling to grow up under the trauma of their parents and the era they lived in. Because of this, his siblings were able to heal, but he wasn't.

After they turn, after Elijah has just experienced so much trauma that his mother erased his memories because she felt he couldn't handle it, he is looked to as the leader, even by his older brother. He is seen attempting to control his sibling's bloodlust, even as he struggles to manage his own. He has always had to put aside his own trauma/struggles in order to maintain his siblings. This is so evident throughout the show but especially after his mother tortures him and when he awakens, Klaus immediately goes to him and tells him he killed his father without even checking on Elijah first.

It is also important to acknowledge the biases of a lot of the stories we are told throughout the show. We see such a limited amount of their lives, and much of it is centered around Klaus and his 'suffering.' When people attack Elijah, it is either because he didn't do enough for Klaus or because he did too much for Klaus at the cost of his siblings. While I think he could have done more to protect his siblings, it was not his job. I think it is interesting that he is the only sibling held to that standard. We see him in numerous flashbacks attempting to protect them and we do not know about 99% of their life.

I will never tell anyone they have to love Elijah because there are legitimate reasons to hate him and I will not defend him for those. But I will defend him when he is held to a higher standard than the rest of his family simply because he was forced to raise his siblings.

I don't love him because of the terrible things he has done and I will not defend them (you can love a problematic character but that doesn't mean you can defend the terrible actions or blame the victims), but I love him because of how he has been forced to handle so much and given such little credit for everything. Yes, he has made many mistakes throughout his life, some of them unforgivable, but at the end of it, he always tried to put his family first.

[marksbear]

Medusa Tat guy here. You did the story wonderfully (in my personal opinion) and you don't have to if you don't wanna, but maybe a part 2 where Reader is still struggling from the ordeal and its affecting his work and what cases he can and can't handle. Finally Reader decides maybe remaking the memory with someone he trusts may help so he asks Derek one night if they can get dirty together

Basically Reader and Derek having a night full of trust, comfort, and love (platonic or romantic, they can be f-buddies heh). I can 100% see Derek complimenting the tattoo cause he wants to see Reader feel comfortable

This contains memories and replaying SA. You have been warned

DEREK MORGAN X MALE READER

Warnings! Talk about SA and replaying it, W bau team for being such a good family, panic attacks,overthinking, Two I love you's

Fuck. You say to yourself stepping out of the team room. You take a huge breath and sit down at your desk. You began to overthink. This was the fifth case you stepped down from because you dealt with SA. Every time it pops up and begins to shy away from the case or the conversation. Always making an excuse as why you don't want to work on it or why you wanna talk about something else. Every time the case mentions something about SA you can feel everyone looking at reading your body language to any sign to see your reaction.

FLASHBACK

Hotch had ordered you to take some days off after the team found out what happened to you. Of course you became defensive and angry that he didn't want you to work. But the more you thought about making you realize that he cared for you. Not like a boss and worker care actually close friends to close friends.

Reid had taught you the buddy system so on the field you wouldn't be put in the situation again. At first you laughed at his face and called him silly, but the more he taught you about it you began to feel at ease at the thought. Him and Morgan were one pair another was J.J and Emily. And finally you and Hotch were the duo. All of the pairs playing their part making sure your safe.

Garcia had let you spend your breaks in her bat cave. Whenever you stepped down from the case. Just chilling and doing yalls things. Eating snacks and cuddled up with each other watching what Garcia had put on usually is how y'all can be found.

Emily showing you kick ass moves to use against a man or even a woman tries to touch you again. Hey in her words "You don't know when a greasy old woman or man touches you again so heres what to do" Of course she mad some jokes with it bringing up the mood.

Now the whole team would all hang out as a group. If one had to use the restroom another will follow and if someone had to go home someone else would walk or drive them their following who ever left. The team most definitely made a group chat and all of their locations are on. And they all send pictures of themselves frequently. If someone doesn't send a picture of themselves and what they're doing at the exact moment the team worries and goes to check on them.

FLASHBACK DONE

All of the changes they did for you made you feel safe and secured. But you couldn't just shake off the memory of the man touching on you. You can still remember what he tasted like. You almost threw up and held it in since you're still at work and that would just be embarrassing on your part throwing in front of everyone.

You look at your team as they leave to head on the jet. You give them a bright smile even though you're miserable. You had to mask it. You couldn't just throw away all of the effort trying to make sure you're okay. That guilt of wasting their time eating you alive. You know they wouldn't feel that way but still it doesn't hurt to think.

"Well paper work here I come" You mumble to yourself sighing as you begin.Your mind starts to think about random things like what your gonna eat today or should you just start a cult about why pineapple on pizza is the best creation god made. Then are you useless to your team. That thought takes you back. Then you start to over think about it "What if I'm right? I mean cmon im getting paid while just sitting my lazy ass here. I should quit so they don't have to deal with me." You groan and drops your head to your desk this is gonna be a long week without the team.

TIMESKIP

The team finally came back after three days of depression as you would call it. I mean for you at least you were non-stop overthinking and random flashes of the SA you faced.

You thought about many ways and searched things up "How to forget something" but it never worked. So you walk up to the only man in the world who can solve almost all of your problems. Dr Reid. "So Doc I got a question?" You walk over to him during lunch break. "What can I do for you Y/n?" He answers. "How do you forget about something or more like stop worrying about it?" Reid turns around eyeing you up and down suspiciously. "It's nothing bad! just some annoying thing I keep remembering when I was a kid. Some dude named Max roasted me pretty bad and made the whole class laugh. I keep remembering the way they laughed at me is kinda embarrassing" You lie. You didn't mean it just had rolled off your tongue with even meaning to. "Fine. The short way is to relive the memory like act it out or do it. And another is to-" You cut him by walking away thinking who should you do it with.

Morgan! Yes Derek it's not the first time you two had slept with one another. You two actually frequently hook ups and one-night stands. But this time it will be on a whole different level. He agreed to the idea and decided to do it at his house. Up until now was perfect and acted just like him. He sucked you off better than the man since he wasn't a stranger to your cock so he wanted you to feel at least some pleasure.And jerked you off just right and picked you up carrying you into his bathroom he was a bit hesitant and broke character "Are you sure Y/n the guy doesn't prep you or anything and just acting like your a toy or something?" The question makes you stop and think. But then you respond "Then so be it use me like i'm a toy. I just want to prove to myself that I am strong and a survivor. Now get back into the character young man!" Derek gives Y/n one last kiss before dropping him onto the floor and locking the bathroom door. He quickly gets on top of him unbuckling his pants and letting his cock break into Y/n hole with nothing to help him. And also repeating the words that the Unsub said. He hears Y/n discomfort and pain sounds. It makes him want to stop and just cuddle him and whisper sweet nothing in his ears but he can't It's for Y/n it's his push for his new chapter. The only thing different about Derek and the unsub was that Derek was bigger and took longer to reach his peak. But once he does he goes deep just like what the Unsub did. Y/n cries out in pain but lets it happen. Derek finally pulls out and takes Y/n by his head forcing him to kiss him. Derek slides his tongue into Y/n mouth exploring every single inch.

Once they pull away Y/n says scene with a smile on his face. "Did I ever tell you that you have such badass tats" Morgan says while looking at the one on Your thigh. "Yeah everyday" You giggle and mumble "I love you Morgan" as you lay on his chest. "I love you to kid."

[nabanna]

Been thinking about Re:Dracula and how it's really difficult to do a truly accurate adaptation without just reading the book word for word in an audio format, and about how two big things I see in movie and other visually based adaptations are how they cut down the plot and they cut down the cast size.

Thinking about one that does it like: Mina, Johnathan, Lucy, Quincey, Van Helsing

Combine roles between Mina and Seward, and between Quincey and Arthur.

Mina is the medical student who studied under Van Helsing (emphasizes her role as the Smart One, lets Van Helsing see her more as an apprentice rather than a child to patronize, also gets in some Victorian gender role drama as Mina is a (highly qualified but still) woman going into a scientific/medical field dominated by men, she doesn't own an asylum though so alas no Renfield... unless... hmm, anyway one reason Jonathan is so eager to get that promotion is to help Mina finish medical school)

Give Quincey Arthur's most notable traits of being rich and having dogs, but also the most important traits of being an American cowboy from Texas who tells stories and plays up the persona for fun. And has a gun. Give Lucy other less important suitors in a flashback or something but make it clear these two Really Have Something

Mina becomes Lucy's best friend and doctor, maybe with Lucy's mother being dismissive of Mina as a woman trying to go into the medical field but accepting of her as an unpaid nurse for Lucy, Mina receives the news about Johnathan while Lucy seems to have gotten better but she asks Lucy's fiance to keep an eye on her just in case, and to contact her old professor if needed.

Harkers get married on the spot as god intended.

While Mina's gone, Van Helsing is unfortunately still a misogynist and doesn't handle Lucy and her mother as well as he could have, Quincey is just deferring to the apparent expert, Lucy dies and proceeds to Bloof, Van Helsing handles that roughly the same way as before but with only one sidekick this time.

Mina and Johnathan return upon receiving the news and Van Helsing tries to convince Mina that vampires are a thing the same way he did with Seward but with more "ah but you don't need to know all that because you're a woman" so she doesn't buy it until she connects the dots with Johnathan's experience and reads his journal, proceeds to tell him everything in there was real and gets Quincey to help them catch up on what happened with Lucy and to catch him up on what Dracula seems to be up to.

They go to Van Helsing for advice, he comes up with an arrangement that keeps Mina busy with something important but "safe" while he and the lads go out breaking and entering. Quincey shoots at a bat, Dracula gets Mina, Johnathan gets his anime transformation, Van Helsing burns Mina with something holy, there's an argument between the guys that gets cut off by Mina breaking down and Johnathan shooing the others out to comfort her, but Quincey sleeps in the hall outside.

Dracula runs away but forgets to turn off Mina's psychic "find your phone" settings, Mina is the Train Fiend, Van Helsing is confronted with how his efforts have led to further pain and realizes maybe they'll be better off if he steps back into a mentor rather than leader role, Quincey arms everyone and takes care of them by throwing money around and trying to be the level headed dependable comforting one, Mina can tell when Dracula is paying attention to her and this is the only time when hypnosis is necessary, the chase happens roughly as in canon.

Mina and Van Helsing go up to the castle to fight the Weird Sisters, maybe it's a bit more active this time, maybe Mina manages to channel Dracula's command in a way that saves them from the girlies but they realize that she's more vampiric than ever and killing Dracula is even more urgent.

Quincey and Johnathan follow Dracula by boat or by horse, whichever one is more exciting. They bond and it's low key kinda bisexual ngl but if anything comes of that it's a promise to talk to Mina once it's all over and they're safe again, they generally plan wistfully for the future, Johnathan feels a chill in sync with when Mina uses the Dracula power, Quincey suggests a spar to practice and get out their energy, maybe to add more interest here one of Dracula's scouts finds them and says there's a group of Dracula's servants that want to be free and will help them fight when they catch up.

The final battle goes a little differently, Mina puts herself in a barrier circle to protect Van Helsing from the possibility of her going vampiric but keeps a gun to provide ranged aid, Quincey and Johnathan roll up to Dracula's entourage and their secret allies back them up in the fight, Mina and Van Helsing provide cover fire and maybe make it seem like there's way more armed reinforcements up here to scare off the servants, the boys tag team Dracula as god intended, the gang reunites.

If I want to be evil and make good on those death flags, then Quincey dies (but not before seeing Mina's recovery and also getting kissed on the cheek by both Harkers at the same time) and the Harkers' first son is named after him. If I want to spare Quincey, then Van Helsing dies and his last moments are spent telling the gang that he's proud of them, and especially telling Mina that she's the brightest student he's ever had and he only wishes he could live to see her success but something about watching over them all from heaven idk. I guess the Harkers would name their first son Abraham then lmao, and maybe I'd give Quincey a lasting injury from the fight so he uses mobility aids in the future, and they'd definitely stay as a close knit trio forever. One might even call them roommates. See the thing is Quincey dying is canon and would bring more proper tragedy but also I don't want to kill him...