#but i aint gay dont dont go around saying im gay alright

[cowboythewizard726]

big fan of the gorgeous beautiful man covered in blood and sweat

[shreddiman]

OHHH!! yall aint ready for this!

I WROTE A ONE-SHOT >:D

Care

Sebastian x M!Reader

!conext¡ the skull mines are my enemy and i wrote this based off that! this is my first real one-shot, so id love any feed back! ENJOY <3

---------------------------------------------

I woke to the white light of Harvey's Clinic. Worried murmurs were muffled from outside the room as my eyes adjusted to the blinding light.

I knew what happened, and though I was covered in bandages the only thing hurting was my ego. Shame and embarrassment suffocated me, and it only got worse when Harvey walked into the room, Maru at his side.

My face paled at that and I kept my head down as I stared at my lap. I was about to get lectured, again, and in front of her no less.

And for the record, no. I dont have a crush on her. Even her dad had assumed it, giving me the old fashion "stay away from my daughter" threat talk. I was tempted to tell the man I was gay, but when gossiping to Maru about her dads many issues, she was thankful i hadnt.

adding that to the list. . .

"Y/N! oh thank goodness you are awake, it took you longer this time round. You werent holding out on me now, were you?"

Maru gave a look as I glanced up, my silence caused a flicker of frustration across her face as she crossed her arms over her chest. My mouth formed a thin line as I looked back down at my lap.

"Hm, 'This time around'? What do you mean by that Harvey?" Her voice was sweet, but I can tell without looking there was a bitterness in her tone. All those times I bumped into Sebastian, Robin.. hell maybe even Demetrius, her father, and lied to them about my state of health? Well the cats of the bag now.

"Oh you dont know? This kids a wreck! Goes out to the mines, comes back half dead," Harvey turns to me, a stern look on his face that I catch a glimpse of as he sits down on his stool.

"Listen kiddo, I dont know what Im going to do with you. You really gotta be more careful. Let me do one last check and then Ill send you on your way, alright?" He bent down a bit to catch my eye, I reluctantly nodded and laid back to allow the doctor to do his thing.

-

It was raining, and it only dampened my mood. I was aching all over, the pain medication Harvey had give me for the time being a weight in my hand as I shoved them into my pocket.

It was still early, and with so much time in the day it felt useless to go home and rest.

The walk to the beach was short, my mind elsewhere as my body moved on basically auto pilot.

The change from wet sand to slippery wood is what caught my attention, and I nearly missed the figure standing at the end of the dock. Sebastian was there, hair damp and flat as his cloths looked darker than usual from the rain. He mustve been out there for awhile.

Thinking about it, one of the first days I had moved here, I found him sitting in nearly the same spot. He talked about how weirdly calming it was, even in the unforgiving downpour. At first, I had laughed at the thought. Being cold and alone in the rain? I couldnt see how thatd bring comfort at all.

Yet, here I was.

I hadnt even said anything, approaching his side as I sat down on the wet wood. I felt his eyes on me, but the feeling grew more intense as I suddenly felt my arm being tugged. I whipped my head toward him in surprise, seeing his concerned expression as he examined my wounds. I felt my embarrassment return.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked, looking up from my bandages, that were starting to fall apart from the rain, and at me. I wanted to look away from his gaze, feeling shameful but the stern look he gave made me feel like a kid who had gotten caught.

"..Mines. I wasnt as careful as I shouldve been." I say, blankly. I doubt that no matter how sorry I was, he'd be off the wall upset that I had lied to him. I just didnt want anyone to worry about me, I didnt want to think about how difficult it would be to explain the concept of this stupid game I was playing with life.

He dropped my arm, a look of slight betrayal on his face. Taking a deep breath he slumped down beside me, his arms crossed over his chest. Just like his sister, heh.

There was silence for awhile, the rain filling in the gaps of unspoken words. I knew Sebastian wanted to be angry with me, maybe he felt since I was physically injured he'd spare my feelings.

"I wish you wouldve told me, how dangerous it was."

Spoke too soon.

"I know, Im sorry. Your sister gave me the dirtiest of looks when she saw me at Harvey's." I gave a weak chuckle, even with the gray sky's I had hopped to lighten the situation, if only a little.

The lack of reply made me feel uncomfortable, so I continued to ramble on,

"I didnt want people worrying over me. I know thats terrible to say, and impossible to wish for- we're humans, it's natural to worry, to"

I paused, almost as if my own words were surprising me.

"to... care."

I held my arms out in front of me, seeing the damage done beneath the bloodied bandages. The image before me getting blurry as my eyes filled with tears. I opened my mouth to speak, but I wasnt sure I trusted my voice.

"I didnt think.. people cared about me that way. Hell I, I think Im afraid of it. Of people caring. Maybe, I dont deserve it,?" I basically whispered my confession, my shame coming back to hit me 10x harder when I saw Sebastian stand.

This was it, this was the crushing reality I had been waiting for. I wouldnt shut up, and now I made him uncomfortable. Maybe I can understand why Shane prefers his drunken'd state.

All that doubt washed away as Sebastians hand came into view.

"Cmon, lets get out of the rain. Youre starting to shiver."

I was shocked, but obeyed regardless. Taking his hand he pulled me up, wrapping his arm around me to hold me close. I felt the color return to my face, he was out in the rain for as long as me, if not longer and he still radiated off heat like he was a mini heater.

It wasnt long till we reached his house and walked down to his room.

"Stay there."

He stopped me outside his door. Before I could ask why, a clean pair of cloths was presented in front of me, "Bathrooms upstairs to the left, past the kitchen. Change into those and come back when youre done."

I stared at him in disbelief. I wanted to ask so many questions, but all I could muster was a soft,

"Why?"

He stared for a moment, a soft smile stretching across his face as he placed a hand on top of my head.

"Because I care."

---------------------------------------------

aggressively exists, vibrates, kicks legs!!

SO, did you enjoy it :)? im lowkey very happy with it but ngl i barely do this good at writing so dont expect a part two 💀

(unless you ask nicely..maybe)

ANYWAY THANKS BYE LOVE YOU MWAH

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

Actually and literally kicking my feet and giggling like I know you can’t see but I am - MIC ANON

Anyways while I have you gimme the most toe curling most delicious most tastiest Barty + Remus headcanons you have (platonic or otherwise, because I just read WCGS and am obsessed) 🎤

good evening mic anon. how lovely it is to come home after a strenuous day of work to your contagious enthusiasm. kisses your forehead tenderly

ok i got a few for you lol

first remus and barty dont penetrate each other. like they dont fuck. they always, always end up furiously making out or dry humping or jerking each other off but they never end up fucking. its just not a thing they do. they dont wanna. they're like..... shy about it. i think theyre just not comfortable being that vulnerable with each other and they can come just by kissing anyways so thats that

and its always in very private moments. none of their friends know and they will never know. ever. barty and remus find each other incidentally. its always like they both somehow end up smoking a cigarette at the same time outside of the bar in the alley and theyre both talking casually trying to avoid and suppress the feeling yknow. the i wanna kiss you right now feeling. but it always ends up happening and its ravenous. for sure they lick each others faces

remus is usually the initiator. not cause barty isn't brave or wtv but more like remus is really impatient and kinda just wants to get off real quick. wants to be in control of the decisions that are being made.

their relationship is very cis man vibes like.....idk how to describe it but other than doing gay shit together they dont really talk about feelings or whats going on in their lives its just always stuff like music and movies and other people's gossip. its a lot of nodding and look into the distance and making jabs at each other

remus is waaaay more in denial about it than barty. barty's cool with it honestly he's like ok im down to make out. slut me out. remus is more anal retentive. he's like that ferris bueller quote "his asshole is so tight that if you put a lump of coal in it, in two weeks you'd have a diamond." he often kinda freaks out about it and bartys like alright now man it aint that serious

barty is not really good at being submissive like even when he's bottoming he's like barking commands and trying to tear at the other person's throat with his teeth but with remus its like he just goes completely pliant. he's trembling he's like what. what am i supposed to do he's going so fast. remus doesn't give barty time to be anything because its just a quick fuck to him. just blowing off some steam. so barty kinda gets to let himself be manhandled. barty's spindly enough that remus can just grab his arms and shake him around like a straw stuffed doll lol

umm what else? oh yeah the only time shit gets kinda real between them and they can say earnest things to each other is when they're high or very very drunk. its messy. its forget i just said that and i dont know why im like this and we should really stop. theyre not each other's secret keepers they got other people for that

they do eventually stop when things between remus and sirius start to get real and the only thing that binds them together is their friends. they become normal around each other again when a lot of time has passed and theyre both dating other people and it just becomes this like haha. we did that.

[solardick]

Theres snow outside! What?! No way?!

Yes way.

Uh, not the best. Starts good with fear. But overall message works. It moves on to Dax

And the news about ukraine and the pope. Mr. francis. Asking ukraine, to put up a white flag. At roughly the same time my preliminary attention began focusing on Russia. Ukraine themselves said “no.” No peace talks with russia. While asking every other nation they can to aid them. It seems on surface level. That they are unwilling to sacrifice what little land they have already lost.

This all seems very familiar to the last few years. Save knowing it started long before the war. It serves as a supportive influence of the fortification of the will.

Thinknim dying. Lung hurts. Still. Its been months. Sorry i didn’t listen god but they wouldnt leave me alone always sabotaging me. Im not going theought hat treatment. For a slim chance at survival. Why? Ehats tje point of oiving ajyway. Ti be fucked with some more? Except for that weeks vacation time i took. My lung didn’t feel a thing. Until i went back to work. I gotta quit. Go back to being jobless again. Whochbis syicide anyway. I miss women. The only guidance ove wver got was from you. People suck. No one has ever told me anything upfront. 40 years of nothing. And the very few times they have. It’s been indirecr as of speaking of another person. I hate been alive.

Make ne guess at these stupid cards when there’s already a complete set out there. Holding the answer being language. And too bar the Devs of tblr are lgtbqueer mental disorder enthuthiasts. Ruinign abgreat platform.

Tv commercials are judge beauty, played by judge judy. Justice. Wc donalds. Get it? The wheel and the moon. The horrible tarot version of bs and death and then it goes to a cancer charity. Hahahah. Oh god. Blow up the world pls. Pardon me while i get assinated. Slow and painfully by my own government.

And i was having the first dream in… i cant remember when. I was living with my only x. And one day. She was gone and while i was in my appartment. I found she “moved” in. As she had put her stuff in my place. But, it was out of a horror flick. And i had a spychotic break from reality because of all the unexpected foreign horror crap. Like a dolls head as a ceiling light. That was talking to me. And furniture out of place. Hard to describe. But then she comes back. And theres still this distance. And i told her what haopened. She didnt really care. So i startted brushed my own cheek with my thumb. An dit felt really good cause she wouldn’t comfort me. And i felt at peace for a minute and then my alarm goes off and i wake.

And then i receive a message from tmblr. It was another lgtbfuck solidarity message. Ugh. While my lung hurts. And having proctisis like symptoms. Only severe on the weekends. Apparently. Except the lung. Only at work. So. Da fuck. Still being raped. Nearly 40 straight years. So when my lung isnt hurting i have a constant desire to take a shit. To the point its almost painful. While the news about the war is full of bs. Russia saying we cant rule out world war. If foreign bodies cant mind their own bussiness by helping ukraine. And allied forces saying we cant rule out sending troops to help ukraine. I hate life. Whole ukraine says. We aint listening to the pope. We ain’t having peace talks with russia. While a large oercentage of americans, canadians specificaaly. With the whole gay movement is agaisnt the church. Because they are the source of all wars. And they fondle little boys and dont supprt people sucking each other off for satisfaction of desires. No shit.

But now im working with a moroccan. Who practice yabadon or whatever. Where they practice resistance agaisnt bodily desires by starving themselves periodically through out the year. This kid knows atleast three languages.and so optimistic. So thats an upside i guess. Doesnt help mych if im already dying. And get bombarded with this other bs. Consistently. At every step and turn of my life. But ehy they decide to move to the americas when they arew the anti-thesis to all their beleifs. Starves yourselves what?! Fuck their dumb. Why do they do that to themselves. Man, every fucken american says the same exact thing about them. Go suck yourswlf offf eoth. Banana flavours condoms. And your extra large mc donalds servings. But atleast i have something positive to absorb to counter the consistioning of free peace and butt love and succubing to desires over the rational. Unlike what is olagues this fucken country. I camt believe they have the wntire land brainwashed into believing this shit is true. So while he’s doing that. Im going to fallow suit. Absorb his motovation. And quit smoking. Not starve myself. Because. That would be senseless and none required at this point in time. Though they arent as productive as the americans are. Because they are starving themselves. But its all in good conscience. Something. That isnt very well supporting here. And we’ll see if my ling problem goes away. And if it doesnt. It does t really matter. I’ll die. Not going through that without any love. Suicide it is. Ive been beaten enough by my own family and the last several years of this fake reality and this community of assholes.

Wow, that was much. Im afraid to read it.

Anyway. I think i need to go to the hospital. My lung is fucked. Theres something wrong with it. Its dying. Im so stupid. Its unbelievable. Can’t help it. I have a death wish. And now i think. That maybe…. Maybe my life instinct reaction. Whatever. Comes in. At the end. When its too late.

Life accomplishments….. i invented a couple tarot cards. Not much to look back on. Tried my best to avoid it all. But people wouldn’t let me. What it is, is a question to ask. The existential question of life. Knowing i was murdered. Slowly. But its ok. Cause theres is no point whne one looks back to the beginning. Not one point. Nothing good. I never stood a chance. From the get go. There’s no longevity that isnt negative. The positives are fleeting. They killed me. My family and then all them else. Needed some peace. Never got it. Hit after hit. Year after year.

[freshstartbaby]

Un

🎧 Body - Syd

I watched my house, cardbord on the ground, like me, leg crossed. White walls, a little smell of vinegar. Thats what I used to finally clean up everything.

Why do I feel like shit ? I mean one part of me cant wait to be in my new place. But the other ? I really feel like I kind of failed here. I got a job, two to be exact, I can provide for myself. I got few friends and thats it. I was wondering if my mum will ever know if I left the town. Maaaan I got to stop overthinking.

It was 8pm and I was waiting for Theo's call. Thanks to god he told me he will help me wih the moving. His help was so precious. Like always. My phone rang with « Theo 🤍 » on my screen . I picked up

« Sup mister T » I said softly « Hi Rob, you good ? » he answered « I am actually, and you ? » « Good. So you really goin to leave me, you know you can still change your mind » « No way, but you know you will still be in my mind » « And in your heart. Who do you think you are ? » he started to joke « Man where are you ? » I said rolling my eyes with a smile on face « There is a litlle bit of traffic. I be there in 10 minutes. But I think the man who will help us is already there. I fowarded him your number. Did he call ? »

I checked my phone, no missed call

« Nah he didn't » « Ok, get ready I be there soon » « Thank tou Theo » « Everything for you » he hang up

I shook my head slowley left to right. He was so kind to me. He can't be real. Me and Theo knew ourself since 8 years now. He was there to help and provide when no one could. He always was very protective and he is actually the one who gave me my first job: dancer in a club. It wasn't my goal job but I could dance and it will help me paying my bills. Few years later he also refered me in company to work as a personnal assistant. I managed myself to then become a communication assistant. When you look clother, without him, I probably will end up as a cracked or worse.

When we met I was 16 and he was 22. It was a very protective relationship. But the older we get, the akward it became. I mean physically he turned to a man as i turned to a young women. And even if he always shows me mad respect, the way he was watching and talking to me changed. Not in a bad way, but I could feel there was more. I aint gon lie, he is good looking, got money and got pure heart. But i couldnt wiling to lost him if we turned into a relationship. He was one of few people around me. Aint ready to loose one of them.

When I told him that I decided to move in LA, maaaan, he wasn't down for it. But as always, he helped me. He got fews relations so we find a cute flat quickly than I thought. The place was smooth and warm. We flew to LA to visit it, and i actually loved it. So now here I am waiting for a friend of his to move my stuff to LA. Let me get it straight. I aint no baby. I can take care of myself. But when it comes to Theo, he always wants to help. And I aint gonna lie, it feel good to be take care of.

The ring belled, I stood up to open the door. He looked at me, I looked at him.

« Can I help you ? » rising an eyebrow acting like I didn't know him « Stop playing » he said moving in my place « Hi » I said to the man following Theo « Robyn this is Eric, Eric this The New York leaver »

I rolled my eyes and shook my head slowly. Eric and Theo helped me to put my stuff in the truck. It was quickly made thanks to them. Also even if I hadnt much things I droped a lot. Eric told me that they will arrive the next monday in my new place. I thanked him as he left when I felt someone behind me. I turned around found Theo on his phone.

« First of all you didn't say hi »

I pulled him softly in a hug. His hands wrapped my shoulder as he kissed my cheek softly

« Then tell me where do I drop you ? » he said « Alex's place » « Lets go »

He put my suitcase in his trunck and we headed to Alexendra's place. I sold my car few weeks before so he proposed me to drop me where I needed yesterday.

Alexandra is one of my best friend. She's like a sister to be honest. We know each other for like forever and she always be down for me. Im stayin at her place tonight so I can catch my flight tommorow.

The road was silent but confortable. Theo and I like to be quiet sometines. We're the type of people who arent afraid of silence. As we arrived to Alexendra's place we stayed a little in the car.

« You need help with the suit case ? » « Na Im good, but thank you. Thank you for everything. It means a lot» I look at him « Stop saying this like its a goodbye » « Im not » « You better »

We pulled into a thight hug «You know I'm always be around and if you need to come back my door is open» « I hope it will be fine dont say that »

He look at me kiss my cheek and said

« Take care » « You too Theo »

I got off the car, took my suitcase and watched him leave. As we disapear on the corner I called Alex.

« Yes baby » « Im here, remind me your code » « You still dont remember it, you do it on purpose » « Guuuurl what is it ?» « 7110 » « Thank youuuuuu »

I taped the code and got to her place

« Sup baby » « Wassup baby, how you doin ?» « Good and you ? » « Everything is alright, I mean my best friend is leaving in an another town but Im good » « Guuuurl, it is for the better » « I know that, Im just getting emotional » « Dont do that » « Im trying, I swear ! How did you came ? You took a uber ? » « Nah, Theo droped me »

She set down on her large cozy couch eying me with a small smile

« What ? » I asked « Noooothing ! » she tapped the place next to her so I can take place « You just goin to sit down and tell me what's popin between you and this white daddy, finally» she said swith a smirk « Nothing is popin, I already told you that » i said sitting next to her « But you got to admit he is good lookin » « I never said he isnt » « Maybe a little bit skinny but he is still handsome » « He is. » « So he never try to own that » she said pointing at myself « And dont try to tell me no, I saw him plenty time trying to get you. » « Alex, it is not goin to hape- « «  Whyyyyyyyy » « Because I dont want to » I said laughin « GURL IS YOU GAY ?» « Oh my god. Alexendra. » «  No because if you are it is ok. But you need to tell me, so I can introduce him to friend of mine. Its such a waste » « Whatever » I said looking at her smiling

This girl is so crazy. Full of good vibe. Always pushing me to my best. She is fam yall. Our phones started buzzing at the same time. It was a whatsap phone call from our conversation « Mexico 🥵 ».

With some friends we decided to go on a trip to Mexico. For the big part, I knew them from school or club. As we grew older all of us took different ways but still got mad love for eachother. This week trip was the way to link up. I didnt knew some people like David, Florian and Veronica but everything went well during the organisation so I wasnt « afraid » that they were annoying.

The trip is next Monday so we schedule this video chat to make a last check. With all the stuff with my moving I almost forget about this call. Alex and I were together so I decided not to answer from my phone and step clother to her so we can both be on her screen

« Hi » « Wassup beauties » Alexander says

We all said hi to each other and waited to see if someone was missing.

« Who is missing » I asked « Flo is not here » Betty said « Damn this sleeping guy, let me text him » Alexander answered

As he decided to text him, a new window poped in our screen revealing a big white man shirtless, it seems like he was in his bed.

« My bad, sorry for my lateness, wassup guys » he said in a low voice

I looked at the screen, then at Alex, then the screen again and falled into the catch moving my hand to show to Alex that this man was foooine

We giggle few seconds before getting back to our serious faces.

« Florian that is it ? » Alex asked « Yup » « Time is money you owe us all a drink when we get to the mexico » « Maaaan dont play me like that, I was taking a nap, gym killed me today» he said

Of course he was goin to the gym, look at this chest. I tried to fix my self when we all talked for like an hour about last informations, who will arrive when, who shares room, what type of activites we wanted to do. I cant wait for this trip to be honest. I dont travel that much. I could release the stress from my moving, my new job and the new town I will be living in.

« Rob you still in New York ?» Michael asked « Yeees, my fligt is tomorrow » « Where you goin ? » Betty asked « Moving to LA » I said softly « LA GANG MY MAN ! » Florian shouted « Thats great, really big move » Alexander said « Finger crossed » Veronica « Dont worry, as wherever it will be ok if you work hard enough » Florian said « Oh dont worry she is a hard worker » Alex said miming a blow job

I snaped her head as everyone shared an hard laugh. Few minutes later we hang up. I went to the bathroom, washed myself, my tooth and changed myself in something more confortable. I went back to the living room and find Alexandra on the phone. By the way she was smiling and laughing I could tell it was Alexander. Yeah. This gurl find a boyfriend with the same name. That's kind of cute but it's also so corny. She hanged up, stood uo and went to the kitchen

« Sooooo » « What do you want again ? » i said a smirk in my face « I was wondering » she looked at me with a vicious smile « What is it Alex ? » « Are you down for some dick in Mexico » « You are something else you know that » « Im just asking ! There will be latino guys, foreigner and gurl this man Florian, he is free like the wind » «How do you know that ? » « I asked Alexander » « Mmmmh » « Mmmmh ? Gurl when is the lastime you had a man making you feel right ? I aint talking about relationship because that is another level and I know you trying to put yourself first since...» « Yea no. I'm not ready but let me think » « The fact that you have to think is not ok, you know that if the sexual frustration is not evacueted it can damaged you » « I got toys dont worry » I said putting my finger in a peace sign while im leaving the kitchen

I went to her guest bedroom, sitted on the bed and put my durag on. After sliding under the sheets I did my breath exercise so I could fall asleep faster but I couldn't. It was these exercises or sleeping pills. But I try to use them less and less since few month. They knocked me hard to hard man. After 30 minutes of try, I took my phone and opened Instagram. I scrolled my screen without being focused at all, laugh at fews memes and double tap some post. I tought about what Alex told me. It's true. It been a while since I havent give a man his chance. It didn't went well the last time. Ok here we go overthinking. I shook my hand thinking of how dumb I was when I tought about Florian. He was fine its true but you know men are trash. At least men I have a crush on 😭. I tapped « florian » in the research bar to see if I could find him. I didn't. Im defenatly not a FBI member. I will ask to Alex tomorrow, or not, it's not a good idea.

——-

I was hugging Alexandra thighly at the airport. The voice called the passagers of my flight to get ready.

« I'm goin to miss you crazy ass » I whispered « I'm goin to miss you more Robyn, but stop being weak before I start crying » « Come on aint nobody goin to cry » I push her shoulder « we're tough girls remember ? » « Yea but I wrote you a letter » she gave me a letter as I look at her ready to make fun of her « You wrote me a letter, you must be in love with me » « Of course I am, yo you're my friend soulmate » « Ok you gon make me cry now » « Go get your flight »

I tried to open the letter when she took my hand

« The fuck is you doin, you have to read it in your flight, or when you arrive to your new place but not now » « Okaaaaaaay mrs emotional »

I kissed her cheek and grabed my suit case before leaving

« See you in Tulum baby ! »

I put a peace sign above my head a went take my flight.

As I settled in my seat, I leaned my head back to the couch. Here we go baby. You can do this. You got this. It's goin to be fine. I was motivated myself when my phone buzzed. I watched my phone screen and see that Theo sent me a vocal. I put my AirPods on tap on my screen to listen his whatsap vocal message.

James. Theo James. : « You're in the plane ? »

I send him a quick answer

Robyn ✨: Yup 🛫

James. Theo James. : Ok

I watched the screen as I saw « James. Theo James is writing » when a big as message droped. Oh my god. He is goin to make me cry. Or worse. I rubbed my forehead before start reading.

James. Theo James. :

« Robyn. My baby. I know your flight is getting ready to take off. So I'm writing this to you so you can be ready for this new page.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

You're smart, kind, open minded,fierce, talented, reliable, honest and a fighter. I know life ain't did good to you lately, and it's destroying me to see you leave but baby it's a fresh start. Leave all the madness, the pain and the self doubt where you at because LA is goin to be fire baby. No more drama, no more pathetic boyfriend, no more struggling. Put yourself above everything, because you deserve it. Keep your mental healthy. Communicate more, talk free and never be afraid to make people to ear your voice.

As I always say to you, even if the blood don't link us, you mean the world to me. Whenever you need anything blow my phone. I will always have an eye on you even if I know you are and you are becoming a boss a bitch woman every single day.

I know you are goin to kill it.

Text me when you arrive to your new home

I will come visit you in few months

Theo 🤍 »

I closed my eyes, bitted my lips and hold my phone on my chest. Don't cry, don't cr- too late. Tears were all over my face as I try to mute myself. Even I tried to hide it, I was feeling shitty. And those words just gave me the feeling of being discovered. I don't know how it was possible. Even if Theo and I were closed I have difficulties to talk out when I'm not feeling myself. And with this message I knew that all this time he knew how I felt but give me my space.

LA be good to me please.

—-

🎧 1 pound - Brymo

The sunlight woke me this morning. I really need to buy curtains. I mean in the rest of the place it's not that important, but wake this way is so uncomfortable. I like the darkness in my bedroom you know ? And all this light, god chill out 🤣

I stood up and head ou to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. I watched the board where I wrote my to do list yesterday night. Yeaaaa i'm trying to be more disciplined woman. I mean organized but sometimes I get too lazy. Like if I invented the word lazy myself.

End the bathroom Shopping at the supermarket Look for a car End the suitcase Work out (you can do this)

I laugh at myself knowing that I will probably not doing the last one. I washed my dishes and turn on the speaker to get in a better mood. I clean a little some stuff since there was still some cardboard here and there. I find myself dancing in front the big mirror in one of the corridor when my phone rang. I didn't know the number so I turned of the music and clear my throat.

« Robyn Matthew, how can I help you » « Hi Robyn this is William. I am with Olivia, you're on speaker. How are you ? » « Hello Robyn »

Ow my new bosses.

« Oh hello to both of you, I'm great thank you to ask. How about you two ? » « We're good ourself thank you. Have you settled yet ? » « Mmh there is still few unopened cardboards but I'm good » « Good to ear that » « You will love LA » Olivia said « I hope so, how can I help you ? » « Well Robyn we were wondering, sorry to ask again but weren't you supposed to start today ?»

My eyes grew wide as my eyebrow start dancing. I wasn't supposed to start today hell no

« I don't think so, I mean I asked to the RH department to postponed my arrival since I have a trip planned » « Oh my baaaaaaaaaad » Olivia shooted « What is it » he asked to Olivia I think « I totally forgot to tell you, Cindy told me few weeks ago but it disappeared from my mind »

My heart stoped racing fast when I told them

« You scared me ! » « I'm so sorry Robyn, William I'm sorry too » « Oh it's ok, you owe us a coffe when she arrives » « Deal » she said laughing « You better note that, or you will forget it too » « Very funny » « Anyway sorry to have bothered you Robyn » William said « It's fine » « Where are you going ? » Olivia asked « Sorry ? » « You said you are goin on a trip, where is it ? »

I twisted my face. How is that suppposed to concern them ? Robyn stay open, be nice, they're just trying to be nice.

« Tulum » « Oh Mexico, well lucky you » « Oh my god, I wish I could have holidays to a place like this » « Anyway Robyn, enjoy you're trip and come back to us resourced. You can't wait to work with you » « Thank you, see you soon » « Bye »

I hang up, a weird feeling in my guts. I mean they were nice. But I'm not really use to have this kind of conversation with my bosses. I tought that they were a good duo both of them. I find myself a little anxious about having two bosses but it's goin to be fine.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

I got this. I wanted to turn back on the music. So I scrolled my screen when I saw an Instagram notification.

@bignasty wants to follow you

My face twisted again. Big nasty ? What the hell is that. I'm sure this is a porn count, or a pervet who will try to slide in my Dm. So many weird people on social medias. Thanks god the private button exists so I can control borders 😂 I clicked on it when I saw his face.

Wow.

I took few step back to my couch as my hand was on my chest. Jesus Christ. I found myself put my hand on my mouth so I don't scream and laugh akwardly. God. It was Florian. I mean I think. No no no it was him. How can you forget a face like this. I hold my breath as scrolled down his feed. This man was... l have no word. I rubbed my eyes trying to get back to earth, with a big dumb smile on my face when my phone rang

Xandra 💍 is calling

I picked up and put her on the speaker. I said hi to her in a low voice, I was feeling like I'm out of breath

« GUUUUUUUURL » she screamed « Wassup » « Did Florian asked you on Ig ? » « He did. » « GIRRRL DID YOU SAW THESE PICTURES ?!!!! » « Alexandra, i was checking him when you called » « GURRRRRRL IF YOU DONT EAT HIM ON THIS TRIP I'M KILLING YOU »

I start rubbing my eye again. He was something else. God. Why do I feel this. Then I found myself playing with my finger, where my engagement ring used to be.

It gave me a quick reminder.

« Ok he is super hot, but don't count on me for that » « You're such a child when you act like that. You know what, I'm sure you pantie is already soaking looking at his pic, so just wait. When he is goin in front of you there will be no « don't count on me for that » » « shut up » « Have you end your suite case ? » « Not yet, I think it will be handle this evening» « Ok look listen to me wisely. I don't know what you choose but switch it all up with sexiest stuff » « I'm tired of you »

We stayed on the phone for like an hour. You know how it is when besties are on the phone. All the day she kept teasing me with Florian but I didn't give attention. But I wanted to make her laugh a little so I teased her with a screen and a meme

She hit me back with a message 

« gurl this is too much, you really goin to miss this chance »

What chance ? He just followed me on Instagram. I didn't even accept him yet. He must have a girlfriend, or be a fuck boy. Maybe is he gay. Ok Robyn overthinking AGAIN. It's goin to be cute holidays. I don't want to mess this up.

—— 3836 words

Wassup guys ?

How do you feel about this beginning ?

Is everything understable ? I'm French so you know you girl is struggling a little 🙈

Do not hesitate to give me feedbacks, react, and all that stuff

Next step, Tulum baby 🥵

Take care

NEXT PART

[voidselfshipp]

OKAY LOOK,IVE READ ANGSTY HCS OF MY TF2 BABIES AND NOW IM GONNA WRITE COMFORT ITS 5:35 IN THE MORNING AND I SLEPT 2 HOURS CAUSE MY GAY ASS IS HYPED UP CAUSE IM HANGING OUT WITH A FRIEND THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON,EITHER WAY, HERE ITS THE RESULT.

《♡♡♡♡♡♡》

Jerico is jolted awake by someone nudgig her

--Babe?-- Scouts voice is broken and shaky--Babe wake up

Jeri sits up to find her boyfriend, tears Rolling down his eyes.

--Nightmares?--she asks softly sitting on his lap,he hides his face on his chest, his hands rest on her waist, as hers caress his scalp.

Jeremy mutters a soft Yes, she sighs hugging him tightly,an arm goes around his back and she pulls him closer to her, while her other arm goes around her neck,resting her hand on his hair, caressing it, while the other one clings to his red t-shirt.

--its alright--she says--its going to be okay

--those damn bullies--his voice is cracked.

Scouts trauma about bullying was something jerico could resonate with deeply.

--they aint here anymore-- she adds,pulling away from the hug,she caress his cheek, while the other one rests on his waist-- Jeremy,look at me okay?, all the things they said about you aint true, youre a great guy, you funny, charismatic, just, youre just amazing to me

The Man smiles a bit kissing the palm of her hand, hugging her tightly.

--Thanks sweetcheeks

--aw its nothing, lets go back to bed alright?

--Ye, that sounds good

《♡♡♡♡♡》

Someone wacks her arm.

Jerico opens her eyes sleepily, and sits up rubbing them.

--hm?--she asks then turning to her boyfriend.

Nightmares again.

Engie jolts awake with a shaky gasp, and then looks at his partner.

--Sorry to wake you up darlin' -- his voice was still shaky-- i didnt want to wake ya up

--Dont apologize, come here-- she hugs him, while his arms go around her waist.

He sniffs, snuggling closer to her chest.

Jeri softly guides him back to lay on the bed, her legs wraps around with his, caressing his arm going up and down.

Before she can say anything hes sound asleep, she chuckles and closes her eyes as well.

《♡♡♡♡♡♡》

German words invade the bedroom,medic is trashing around in the bed,pleading.

Jerico opens her eyes exhalted by the noise.

Hes having nightmares again.

Jer knew a thing or two about the germans past,the neglectful parents, the witholding of belongings or even food they put him through.

The doctor Curls up and snaps awake.

--hey...are you alright?--She asks in the best english she could muster.

He keeps silent,and she calls again.

--Med youre scaring me, are you okay?

--ja...I just...need a moment

He sits up and jerico launches at him,hugging him tightly as she can.

The Man gasps but hugs back burying his face in the crook of her neck.

--Sorry I wake you up--

--Nonsense!-- jerico cups his cheeks with teary eyes,--dont apologize for that...just dont--medics brows furrowed, he knew how emotional she could get-- youre not annoying...you are not disposable..

The german doctor caress her cheeks.

--i know the struggles of neglectful parents first hand, youre not what they said you were, youre amazing to me, youre my all and more and, and if it wasnt for you, I dont know where I would be right now..

The Man Coos with his own tears in his eyes, they both kiss as the tears fall down.

The start to sniffle and laugh togheter as they held eachother falling to the bed.

Both feeling the love they had for the other.

《♡♡♡♡》

(Jer is female presenting but uses he/Him pronouns here).

He didnt know what time it is, jerico turns off his phone as the sudden feeling of something,Someone shaking distracts Him.

Its sniper again.

The aussie jumps, being awaken by the horrid nightmare.

Jer quickly scoots closer to him and caress his back.

--Do you want anything?--jeri asks, pressing a kiss to his boyfriends neck, who shakes his head while rubbing his face in the palm of his hands.

Jerico knew that was horse shit, some tea Will help him sleep.

--Ill be right back -he stands up going to the vans kitchen.

While the water heats up she sits grabbing her guitar, tunning it.

The sound distracted sniper, and Walked down as he heard his boyfriend sing, with a tiny lovesick smile.

--I was five and he was six

We rode on horses made of sticks

He wore black and I wore white

He would always win the fight

Bang bang, he shot me down

Bang bang, I hit the ground

Bang bang, that awful sound

Bang bang, my baby shot me down

The guitar was enough to make him snap out of it, but jericos Voice made him feel relaxed.

Just as jer was about to sing the kettle started to make noises.

He grunts and puts the guitar back, and serves the tea.

--You dont need ta do all of that roo--

--Shut up-- he snaps back qs he gives sniper the tea.

He snorts as jeri sits with him.

--Youre so cute you know that?

Sniper chokes on his tea.

--m not--

--Youre cute deal with it Mundy

He rolls his eyes, its better than any nightmare.

《♡♡♡♡♡》

Jerico knew spy was missing.

She sits back and sighs as she sees his shadow in the smoking room.

Well, it seems like another nightmare.

She stands up and walks over to him, his hands are shaky.

--che-- her voice is sleepy-- todo bien?( hey...its everything alright?)

--Yes,go Back to sleep--the frenchman says rather rudely.

He just wasnt in the mood.

--Come with me...

--No

-- Fine, then ill stay here till you come with me -- she grabs one of her books, and sits on the floor right Next to the fireplace.

The flames seem to come to life as she does so, providing more light for her to read.

--Id appreciate it if you could stop playing with the Fire

--and id appreciate it if you could go back to sleep with me , looks like both of us aint getting what we want...

Spy recognized the book, its old, and one of her favourites, he still needed to learn terran, but the cover said 'old folk terran tales'

He grunts and keeps Reading his own book, until he hears her mutter to herself.

-- 'its all the same'the goddess of the Sky claimed' stars are like destiny and fate its like the Gates I protect, I dont know why I was chosen yet im here obeying my duty' and then, the grumpy god of war, sighed and nodded' dreams are nothing but that,if fear is what we dream of, then what?'

The goddess laughed and shaked her head 'Fear is love, we want to protect what is our and sometimes we cling too much to it, but of course they Fear can be Turned to peace if the right person is there for you'

'And that means?'

'Well, you had a bad dream, and you came all the way here, you god of dreams'

The old god grunts again' I guess youre right' --

Spy shakes his head and closes his book, heading to bed.

Jeri Snickers and closes hers leaving it back on the Shelf.

Ther he is in bed with the grumpiest expression she has ever seen him with.

--Just for zhe record-- he says-- im not here because of your fable book...

-- sssssure

She lays down with him and hugs him.

--Grumpy ass

(Okay to rb!)

[survivormykonos]

Episode #1: “everyone knows I’m here for the drama™️” ~Robbie

First impressions these people are basic players who wont have very big personalities, and not willing to put a lot of effort into this game. Hopefully thats not the case and its just late so no one is really wide awake :) Because I came to play and I hope thats what everyone else came here to do as well 

Okay so my plan basically worked, winning the first reward competition by placing a good score has opened up one of many avenues to come. Ryan, and Zeezo want to work with me (bad choice for them since I will be winning this aka taking them out eventually but oh well)

Him hitting it off really well with this tribe they are all so friendly and welcoming, Ain is my main homegirl at the moment she is the best and jared is a nice friendly face so it should be interesting to see what the coming days are like.

so not 30 minutes in and meowth comes out with the question "what if someones racist" which to me carried an air of accusation it was public and clearly meant for all to see it just gives me a bit of an icky feeling towards meowth

I'm glad that others are getting higher scores than me because i definitely don't want to be presenting as a threat in challenges particularity not the first day so i just am hoping that ill land middle of the pack challenge wise

so this immunity is fun i love puzzles like these even though they are hard tbh im not completly happy about our chances but i hope we can push through and win or the other tribes internet fucks up, either or really

so right now the vote seems to be between Robbie and Mewoth (Josh) and tbh i dont care which goes because they havent spoken to me but whatever, in any case id rather keep someone who actually contributed to the challenge and if he doesn't step it up then Josh will be gone next

Going into tribal council i am very nervous, you never know where the vote is until the votes are read and if im on the wrong side of the vote i might not be around much longer

I dont know whats gonna go down here but i hope i do well

reunited with lukas my love

she sells seashells at the seashore

why is the first vote already so confusing and wild.... just decide on a person

WHATS UPPPP!!! Can’t say much because I’m busy but I’m stoked!!! Only two other girls on my team tho :/ but it’s ok! I have Stephen who I know but I’ll get into all that later and I have lukas and Sammy on the other tribe who I LOVE TO DEATH but obviously can’t tell anyone that. Ain is on the other side who I hate but I just hope she gets voted out and we never have to interact :’)

Honestly, living my best life and enjoying the brief small talk with my tribe mates. So far getting a good vibe from everyone but lets be real, shit (I can curse right... I lowkey have always wanted to say that) is definitely going to go down as soon as something goes wrong. But like *shrug*. 

OK LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT TIME THAT I DIDNT WANT TO GRAB THE LIGHT AND SHINE IT ON ME AND WE WIN FIRST IMMUNITY AND I GET SENT TO PARADISE ISLAND!!!!!!!!! Yeah, because like, screw the idea of trying to lay a tad low for the first vote. But hey, I guess when you are working with Zeezo and she tells you the immunity boxes must be evens because of the clue she got, and then you get sent to PI, it can't be all that bad. I'm so shook I don't even know if I'm making sentences rn hahaha. I hate saying this, but like I am so happy with where I am rn, but I def know there is so much more work to put in before my tribe ends up going to tribal. AND SPEAKING OF TRIBES, WHET ON EARTH? Two abstains in the reward and then a tie and only two points in the immunity challenge for Yalos? Did they also think they were cast in ANTM because like same. We've all been there, amiright? Can they continue to do this so I can just breeze my way to merge and start playing this game already??? Please and thank you. 

When I wake up and realize I have so much work to do for school but at least I don't have to worry about going to tribal tonight! I aint mad! At least Im not gonna be the Francesca of this season soooooooo..... 

So... ya boy just beat Jared in a word search comp... and beat him... and went to Super Paradise Island... and idk which greek god is on my side, but one them has ya boy's back because he just the sapphire gem... Like no big deal... I didn't expect to be the first voted out and then just somehow came across getting one of the first big advantages of the game... WE ARE ALL FINE GUYS!!!

I have Oakley, who voted me out on Athena: Himalayas and Olivia, who I voted out on Atomic: Isle of Skye on my tribe. And my immediate thought is I want to work with them. Olivia more than Oakley, I don’t have any beef with him from another season but he is sneaky. However my strategy especially at this point in the game is just make lersonal connections and pretend to have the strategic knowledge of a goldfish. Here’s hoping it works.

So far I’ve talked to most people but some are easier to connect to than others, Joanna seems the most distant, she responds but it doesn’t feel friendly. But we won, so we’re all good this round. I really hope Ain goes home, shes manipulative, vindictive and isn’t afraid to use underhanded tactics.

WOAH! So after being recommended to play by a friend, I found out he ALSO recommended Miles to play, although in the other tribe.. I have someone I know here although I kinda got them eliminated in a Twitter Survivor... Hmmm... So far in Kalafati tribe, Im liking Miles and Joanna, Haven't had much contact with the others but they seem really cool. Im so excited to play, Especially with winning a lucky hidden immunity Idol

I’m still waving the flag

I’m still waving the flag I hate that challenge. I got a respectable score but if i did all that just to have the Yalos player stop after a low score, I'll be sad

My first impressions of the tribe is pretty positive! No immediate negative figures jump out at me. I'm still testing the waters, trying to figure out if any people are potentials for alliance members. Some people like Olivia, Jacob, Miles, Stephen and Thomas have reached out to me which makes them seem like good potentials for friends. However, I want to see how the reward challenge goes before I can evaluate my teammates further. 

It's amazing that we won the reward challenge and I'm so happy that I performed as well as I did. However, I am worried about the immunity challenge. I'm happy with the flash game, but the controls are really wacky and I already know it will take forever to get used to.

I'm honestly a little worried seeing that I didn't preform very well in the immunity challenge. Thankfully, we still managed to pull off a win and we didn't have to worry about tribal. Speaking of tribal, I don't think there is anyway Robbie is going to stay, seeing that he abstained in the reward and striked in the immunity. Also, I feel like I want to work with Olivia, but Miles also seems like a good person to work with, but I haven't approached either of them yet. Still weighing my options and figuring out the best way to proceed. 

Honestly it doesn’t seem like anyone is playing hard yet which is annoying me. Because I want to play hard, but if no one else is people can get sketched out by highly strategic, social players

Honestly if I finess this vote and stay in the game after forfeiting two comps it will be hilarious. But everyone knows I’m here for the drama™️ Hope no one gets blind sided

So the first night went..... alright. My tribe wasn’t as energetic or as talkitive as I had expected. It appears as though I am on a tribe with all gay men, which sounds nice in theory, but I’m bracing for the moment these twinks start wildin. Aside from the gays, I know Ain from a past org and am starting to warm back up to her. We will probs stick together for awhile. As of now, that’s all. 

Robbie, queen of being inactive and making cases to stay last minute, came to me with the idea of booting Meowth instead. I said hell yeah! All for that shit! Not that I don’t like Meowth, it’s just I would love to do something unexpected for the first tribal. However, Sammy and Michael seem to be so against it for some reason. Lord knows why. I’m going to aim to be in the majority, but I may just cast my vote for Meowth for the hell of it. 

Ok I don’t quite remember what my last confessional was but I know for a fact I fucked up the names. Robbie is the one on the line, Sammy is just another gay. I swap their names all of the time. 

I really like this tribe so far! Everyone seems pretty chill and it's nice to know that at the moment, nobody is really mean-spirited. I know that Jacob has some past with the other Miles, but he's on the other tribe, so there's really no past relationships to deal with either, at least that I know of! I think that by far, I'd probably like to align with Olivia and Joanna for sure, and maybe Stephen, Zeezo,  Oakley, and Julian as well? I'd rather not get into scheming this early! I think it'd be much better for my game at the moment not to be the leader or figurehead of a group, but rather an updated member. I guess I'll have to see!

Alright so... Not a whole lot is going on, it's just the start of the game, we're just doing the first reward challenge. This tribe is just a bit too large for my taste but whatever, I'll manage. Getting to know all these people is interesting, which is funny because the absolute LAST word I would use to describe myself is "interesting"

I'm not entirely sure what use one would have for a fire making kit in an online survivor. Am I meant to set my laptop on fire? ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING????????? lmao...

There's a few people that I'm getting great vibes from. Miles would probably be the biggest one rn. I would love nothing more than to get some sort of alliance going sooner rather than later JUST IN CASE but like I don't want to be the one to actively go out and do it because if someone leaks RIP ME. Idk what I'm doing just yet. We'll figure this out.

We won the first immunity and don't have to vote anyone out, that's awesome. I can't help but feel just a little concerned though, everyone's almost a little TOO peaceful on this tribe. I'm not saying I'd want to LOSE a comp and have to face tribal but the reads I'm getting from everyone is giving me a sense of unease. I do enjoy winning though and wouldn't mind winning out. I'm just saying, I feel very uneasy with the vibes I'm receiving. Good lord I just repeated myself there. Oh well.

I really like this tribe so far! Everyone seems pretty chill and it's nice to know that at the moment, nobody is really mean-spirited. I know that Jacob has some past with the other Miles, but he's on the other tribe, so there's really no past relationships to deal with either, at least that I know of! I think that by far, I'd probably like to align with Olivia and Joanna for sure, and maybe Stephen, Zeezo,  Oakley, and Julian as well? I'd rather not get into scheming this early! I think it'd be much better for my game at the moment not to be the leader or figurehead of a group, but rather an updated member. I guess I'll have to see!

I think I'm pretty safe after this immunity challenge. I was one of 2 people to win the head to head for my tribe and therefore I have a chance to go to Paradise Island! I'm trying my best NOT to go though because I think that would put a target on my back very early on.

Right now my closest ally is Matt and I feel that we have a strong bond. We're each other's #1's and talking back and forth over who should go tonight. I'm very torn for who I'm voting for at tribal tonight, it's either Meowth (Josh) or Robbie. I've heard that Robbie may have gotten the majority but I don't feel 100% on wanting him still in the game. Yes, Meowth is weak in challenges but he's another easy vote moving forward in the future.

So, what's been going for me so far?  Well, reward challenge I busted my ass and showed what I can do, which was great!  WE lost, which sucks, and 2 people didn't submit.  Those 2 were Miles and Robbie.  This made me upset, mostly because Miles I know from my Minecraft UHC days, so we made an instant alliance from that.  Robbie I didn't care about.  Then came immunity, where once again, Robbie was unable to compete, and I still stand by that I was robbed in my challenge because of a shit quality image, but this is what I'm used to from online games like this, so I'll move on (eventually).  We got rekt in immunity, and the obvious choice was looking like Robbie for not submitting twice.  So, being the intelligent player I am, I basically pitched to Robbie that he was going home unless he made a better pitch about someone else.  He aimed at Michael, someone who I somewhat wanted to work with at the time (in hind sight, I wouldn't have cared much).  I proposed, instead, we vote for meowth (Joshua) because he just rubbed me the wrong way, under-performed, and refused to talk game strategy with me at all.  I pulled in Lukas and Jared, as well as had Ain in my pocket, and with the acquiring of Sammy by both me and Robbie, the vote should be set in our favor.  I'm still trying to convince Miles to roll with us so he's not on the losing end of the vote, but I think its 50/50 whether he will or won't.  Honestly, I feel pretty safe with this vote, being that I was a top performer and have shown how active I strive to be in these games.  I'm not super worried about this vote and hope that Robbie sticks around.  Hopefully, he becomes a powerful player and a big help in challenges.  If he's not, he'll go next for sure.  Let's hope I don't live to regret these words!

I think I’m in a pretty safe spot right now, but we def have people who think they are running the show around here...SIT DOWN or else you’ll become a target early😉 but I like everyone just don’t know who we should keep...someone who hasn’t been active or someone who tries but does not communicate. Eh either way I’m not on the chopping block sooooo. Okay wow that sounds rude but um i like everyone:) yikes

Honestly, this is a fung ame and a fun set of people. Just hope my time here isn't too short.

So far I feel pretty good about my tribe even though there a couple people I forgot to ever talk to oops. We seem to be good at challenges and get along well. I've connected most with Ryan so far and told him my idol clue to gain his trust. He's told me he trusts me the most out of anyone so that's good. After we talked we decided to pull in a 3rd and settled with Thomas since he got the best score in the reward challenge. After consulting with Ryan I decided to share my clue with Thomas too and the 3 of us officially performed an alliance. I think with this alliance my goal is to think more long term. Thomas is probabaly going to on Tinder performing well at challenges and be a shield for me. He also doesn't seem to talk to a lot of other people. Meanwhile Ryan seems like the type of person who might play too hard so he could be another shield. Plus we get along really well so far so that's good :') We might pull in a 4th for the alliance later since Thomas is kind of inactive and Ryan suggested Stephen so I'm interested to see how that will pan out. In other news Ryan got sent to paradise island and got the sapphire gem thing so that's great :') So if one of us finds the idol we should have great power in the game so I'm looking forward to the rest of the game 

Nothing is going really because we have been on a winning streak and have been crushing it. I knew Stephen from a previous game and we agreed to work together. He is not being extremely subtle about it but I think he wants to work with Olivia because he has mentioned her a lot and how he likes her. I don't mind that because I do like her but I am worried about the two of them being closer to each other than to me because I know they know each other. I am really liking Ryan as well and would like to work with him. I am worried I am not being as social as I should be because I do notice that I don't talk to as many people as I would like. Miles I have talked to a bit but haven't built much of a relationship with him and everyone else I have said hi to and talked to a bit but I haven't really built anything or know anything about them. I just hope we can win long enough for me to build those relationships because I am worried that I am one of the two people to lose my round in the immunity challenge.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Worth leaving your park for? Carly: fun Carly: he likes you more but its k cuz so do i Ali: nah Ali: he was so 😍 for the whole sitch I thought he might genuinely explode on sight Ali: it was fun tho, you were so good Carly: that would've been disappointing Carly: he was better than i thought hed be Carly: lads that cocky dont usually come through Carly: youre always good Ali: yeah, i'll give him that Ali: obviously overhyped himself but all lads do Ali: worth it to see my baby work it Ali: and i hope not 😉 Ali: though u can tell my Ma that, get me off the hook, like Carly: not just lads me too Carly: never seen you play someone like that before tho Carly: we gonna try this on caleb next or Carly: she scares me more than your ex but still would Carly: for you my baby Ali: how can you, you're perfect Ali: i know, crossing lads but not each other back then, babe Ali: not mad, not exactly my finest hour but wouldn't hate having met you sooner Ali: idk if it'd work on him Ali: he's not as dumb as Drew, bless him 😘 Ali: felt weird being at his house, woulda died if any of them had come back, like 😂 Ali: never mind my Ma, have you ever seen his? Carly: you're too sweet Carly: i kno cuz you wanna treat him nice like you do me Carly: not how you did drew hot as that was tho Carly: nah thats the first time ive been there & mas w sons give me space like Carly: sorry we should have brought him back to here my bad Ali: blah shut up 😏 Ali: obvs I wanna ride him too but idk Ali: gives off #loyal vibes to me so probs not a goer Ali: Well you know, had to show you what a real girl on girl on boy threesome was all about, boo Ali: nah, it added to the experience Ali: whatever it was, it wasn't boring Carly: i kno that he gives off 😍 for you Carly: & you like him Carly: catch you in his room collecting hair or w ever to put a spell on the boy Carly: when you could just do it the easy way Carly: aw never boring when im w you girl Carly: youve shown me a lot Ali: There's definitely attraction but I don't really know him Ali: Only see some people at parties, he's one of 'em Ali: like you said, we didn't properly SEE each other 'til now, did we? same kinda vibe Ali: my rep proceeds me 💀 Ali: where's the fun in easy? Ali: besides, I'm with you, and you're so fucking cute Ali: who else I need Carly: k but if you want him to see you you've gotta get out there Carly: if you can turn me you can make him forget your rep Carly: got the magic baby you kno Carly: you're cuter Carly: making me blush Ali: you're right Ali: work on being MORE extra Ali: the world ain't ready 😉 Carly: me either Carly: you're also so hot Carly: unfair Carly: if you get more Ali: baby Ali: making me miss you already Ali: that's what's unfair Carly: can i be at yours later tho Carly: my parents are fighting about me & think idk Carly: bitch its a caravan Ali: That's fun Ali: about parenting styles or? Ali: Of course you can Ali: I share a room with Ro though remember, so, best behaviour Carly: ha Carly: theyve got no flair Carly: about to throw this washing up bowl at my ma as my contribution to the convo Carly: shit i forgot Carly: maybe i shouldnt come over then Ali: trying to think of a witty one-liner for when you do Ali: all i've got is 'this convo is as dull as dishwater' lemme workshop it, hold fire boo Ali: nah, please come Ali: lmao, flashbacks to Drew there but forreal Ali: we can sleep on the sofa if needs Carly: lads are so funny Carly: i thought he was gonna cry w he thought we'd changed our minds Carly: good stash tho Carly: only reason my ma still running her mouth about me Carly: well zen Ali: another night crywanking Ali: gutting Ali: yeah, and you see all that fancy shit in his room, clearly on his big badman hype Carly: cant ever bring him here Carly: never hear the end Ali: gonna have trouble keeping him away now, babe Ali: 💦 Carly: only if youre here Carly: you speak the local lingo yea? Ali: Gabh mo leithscéal? Ali: 😏 Carly: wtf Carly: you could've just said yea babe Ali: could've but i'm a showoff Carly: cant act like i dont love it now Ali: can but it'd be a blatant lie Ali: right tongue workout, Gaelic, like Carly: thatll be why you bothered & i never Carly: very gay of you Ali: odds already stacked against me being 50% scum Ali: had to do what i could, babe Carly: help me out then Carly: my da's trying to start a fight w ronan's da who dont even speak english Carly: funny or fucked that he thinks thats where i go Carly: guaranteed his da is calling me a slag while my dad does the same Carly: ha Ali: 😒 Ali: fight for your honour or gtfo Ali: So stupid Ali: want me to rock up translator cum where you've been wasting your time? Carly: i told em all ive been too busy having 3ways w you & the golden god but they aren't having it Carly: gonna have to give you all a show, am i lads that aint what you want da but its what ill do k Carly: walking away before they start kissing themselves Carly: the tension Ali: Oh, middle-aged straight men Ali: never far away from a crisis or homoerotic awakening Ali: Join the club Carly: grab another beer lads itll be alright Carly: im not knocked up or running off with your lad Carly: do wanna get out of here tho Ali: Oh he is not potential baby daddy material at all Ali: Please Ali: come over or you wanna go somewhere else Ali: think my Da is firing up the BBQ, another staple of manliness Ali: sure we can keep him from brawling and strictly on the burgers tho Carly: who is Carly: get me on the ferry before you get me down the aisle Carly: k im walking Carly: keep me company babe Ali: valid Ali: benefits of being a gay is no awkward hush hush trips to England Ali: of course Carly: if only my parents believed i like you Carly: get back to slagging me off for other shit Carly: irish at me again. i liked it Ali: Bit offended, like, have you seen me guys? I'm a sensation Carly: i dont think they know who you are sorry Ali: Tá tuillte agat ar fud an domhain, Carly Walsh Ali: at least I can dramatically ask 'em then and really fucking mean my shock horror Carly: if you don't live on site you don't exist Carly: do i need to be offended at what you're saying about me in that gay tongue twister Ali: everyone got their own bubble Ali: i found out the world extends beyond the end of my street tho but you do you lads, it is easier that way Ali: tho not safer, ask ginge 😈 Ali: i hope not Ali: was nice, promise Carly: i wanna see more of it than this Carly: like you said wheres the fun in easy Carly: shit yea shes your ronan like Carly: she gonna show herself at the bbq Carly: i believe you, you don't kno how to be anything else to me even if you should Ali: You will Ali: Make sure of it Ali: I've shown you the stars, gonna show you the wonders on this world too, scout's honour Ali: omg, so is Ali: although she doesn't occasionally come by when she's horny Ali: so we're safe Ali: she'd never trust me serving her a bevvy, like 🧙‍♀️ #witchesbrew Ali: why should I? don't be telling me what to do woman 😜 Carly: maybe she should Carly: she might be less sad and mad once she's had a ride w you Carly: you gonna play like you don't like it now Carly: just in the bedroom k hear you Ali: I'll put it out there Ali: get ready to cover my bruises this time Ali: 😏 Ali: time and a place, baby Carly: if you're showing her what real magic is she can't be mad Carly: but if she is she can go through me i got you girl Carly: wont beat me a second time like Ali: my lil million dollar baby Ali: into it Carly: your sister would be too Carly: not in the same way but would get her on side Ali: she's so on side Ali: now she knows you ain't tryna be my bosom bud like that Carly: she still dont vibe w me tho Carly: i kno it wasnt just that Ali: she's just shy, don't worry Ali: no one out here you need to impress but me and i already am Carly: what about your ma and da Carly: i kno they arent shy Carly: how do you want me to play that Ali: just be you you don't gotta do anything more or less baby Carly: im scared Ali: you don't have to be, I swear, Ma's not as bad as she 👀 and my Da's a big softie Ali: you can just come as my friend, they aren't gonna pry Carly: k Carly: i trust you Carly: itll be fun yea Ali: s2g Ali: you can meet Tommo, you'll like him Ali: and your fave will be dying for your attention, obvs Carly: mystery boy Carly: is he hot like your other brothers Ali: i'm not gonna confirm or deny 'cos bit weird Ali: also potentially rude if I nah it 'cos I reckon he ain't your type Ali: I cannot promise hot brothers making an appearance but you might get 🍀 Carly: hot sister then Carly: I dont mean my fangirl but the older one Ali: package deal with the freckly one Ali: not rock, weirddd Ali: but see, so ready with the compliments they're gonna 💚 u Carly: he's hot too Carly: & you kno i think the littlest is such a cutie Carly: but i dont wanna compliment anyone but you Ali: I'm not gonna complain about that Carly: better not cuz im almost at yours Carly: its too hot to turn around & walk back Ali: yay! Ali: lemme come get you Ali: i wanna kiss you before we have to be social Carly: i want you to kiss me whenever you feel like it Ali: might just take you up on that Carly: do cuz it means i can too Ali: deal 💚

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 81

i keep talking to myself all the time - no not cause im mad or alone - but like i said earlier - i pretend like its ‘him’ and just him. meaning, no, im not those people who talk to themselves cause they enjoy doing it, or like um neither those who talk to themselves cause they dont have anyone else to talk to - but rather, -i-just-talk-to-him-

wow, no that was a nice way to put it out there. so much for defending myself lol

ok so im kinda energetic - as in -my mood is- i am not, physically energetic though. i mean i just spent the last hour and a half in bed scrolling through my phone until my phone shut off cause it ran out of charge and only then i dragged myself slowly to the washroom to pee which i shouldve done 60 minutes ago. so yeah - very lazy 

speaking of time. WTH is going on with this world? i feel like the number of seconds in one minute is a subject to small rise and falls like the world currencies! I mean seriously, i swear nowadays “1 minute” = “EIGHTY seconds” No Kidding!!!! It all started from after fajr today!!!!! 

yeah so after fajr today, at first i kind of blanked out - as in - that rush, impatience and i dont even know how to describe it - kinda feeling i was telling? about missing him and all that? like i need some action something to happen and wow this is such an off season - so yeah i was kind of stuck in my chair,, just switching from one social media to another doing nothing literally other than idk - trying to fast forward life and hit play somewhere cool ugh ok

so then something happened and it cheered me up and i got on the treadmill as was planned. usually do 3 hours but i knew doing 3 now, including my tiny 3-5 min breaks every 30 mins would take too long 

anyways ended up doing two hours at around 7 30 and then was too tired to take a shower so i just pulled a bed sheet from my closet and slept on the floor, cause no way im putting my stinky body to bed. 

when i got up, prayed zuhr and YESSS i did the one hour i skipped in the morning and yeah well thats pretty much it for the day. i mean then i sat and ate and then went to the hosp came back, chilled and still chilling right now as im typing :) 

oh something i said yesterday about how i wish life was full of action like in movies. like i just wish it was although i know its BS thats totally against how this life works. whats more surprising is how i actually wish for stupid stuff - i mean you know how on social media - one gets to present themselves the way they want. i mean you can be anything. happy sad widow married depressed gay - its like - its in your hands - how do you want to present yourself to the world mam? yeah you get my point? but like i lot of people fall for it. you look into others posts and you might wonder how their life is so wonderful and yours is not, how someones life is picture perfect and yours is not and BLABLABLA but Lol - i neverrrrr fell for that. pretty much cause i sugar coat my life too loool 

Its actually funny - im actually laughing - anyways where im getting at with this is - i was thinking about it - i mean for someone like me who never fell for all the crap people put up on display on social media - i sure am one hell of a dreamer to ‘wish’ for a busy ‘movie-like’ all colorful life. But then again in my defense - those are real people and people are full of crap so yeah i dont fall for their shit but i mean a movie is a well organised script being played out - ofcourse you ‘wishing’ for something like it is acceptable yasss (whatever makes you sleep at night:3 ) 

Also i assure you my vocabulary aint that poor, i just seem to lose my words when im posting anything here. mostly cause i have no words - everything is so messy and twisty and complicated Ugh 

Also its really weird that i feel like a days just passed by too fast this week. i mean i mustve slipped. i mean im like a human clock. lol i mean it. i mean when im not on vacation - and you ask me the time, anytime - my guesses are so close to accurate - like im aware of every second ticking by - now, im just saying im aware of it - that doesnt really mean i make the most out of time - but then i do know how precious it is, and i do feel like crap when im just shitting it away. and just randomly wasting time is one thing, but trust me when you are aware youre doing shit - ouch that burns! 

so august is coming, and i was kind of planning on fasting - i mean i didnt fast in july cause i wanted to get used to working out and fasting would just be disturbing. but yeah now its almost august and i think i should fast - for like the whole month - yeah :) cause i barely fasted for i think 8 days this Ramadan i need to make all the rest of it up. AND THEN AFTER THAT, it is sunnah but not one im actually brave enough to do to be honest but but but i think i have no choice - i mean i think i have to fast like every monday or thursday every week - cause i have a lot and a lot of fasting to do to make up for ALLLLL the ones i missed my entire life and trust me thats quite a lot - not the normal amount any girl would miss - cause ive been having problems and so i had to skip a lot and stuff - and i never kept an exact count - well actually its impossible cause its been a problem for years but then i do have to admit that i never tried either - cause idk- i guess i kind of took it as - oh cmon its just fasting - i mean i think i missed around 20 roughly - so ill just fast 30 - thatll cover it up plus ill fast extra - which is a good thing and blabla all that random thoughts! 

anyways i should now just focus on the 30 i wna fast for this year, in august but idk i have to come up with some legit plan where my work out schedule fits in perfectly too. both  are important to me, and im not choosing one over the other, i dont want to and i dont have to inshaAllah 

oh just a random thing - but i go for brands! Meaning, you know if something is sold by a really well known brand youd obviously expect it to have good quality and most of the time yes youre right. sometimes, nope! but then there are things which are not “branded” but the quality is amazing, and the price? well most of the time it is cheaper, but yeah i guess sometimes the price is almost similar - well the thing is - i am the type of person - whod want the brand name on PLUS the quality. like if there were 2 bags for example or two shoes, SAME quality, but one is cheaper ONLY cause it does not have a famous brand name on it - i am definitely the person whod pay wayyyy wayyy more for the branded one! - SO now you know the type of person i am :) :) :) :) 

Lol im sure that kind of information is something a lot of people would use to judge someone :3 But then im not all so irrational loool - like thats definitely something that is “goals” for me! I mean, i am a medical student being financially supported by my dad right now and will be for atleast the next 3 years. ATLEAST! ATLEAST! ATLEAST! 

SO yeah im not saying i cant afford branded products right now but i sure am not comfortable living a life of luxury at this phase of my life. I want to earn it. With my own sweat and energy. I want to tell myself that i deserve it. So yeah, thats the type of person i am but im not currently ‘practicing’ it like religion and one day IF i do, i know it will be something i earned and something Allah will not be unhappy with, because I am not planning to disappoint Him 

Okay enough with that. i really dont need to talk about it as long as i know ill be alright inshaAllah 

Oh something really interesting - so i REALLY REALLY need to smile. like NOT “smile more” but like “SMILE” for gods sake hahhaha. I mean idk - its like i hate people so much and idk i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me, and its not like i even care or want them to like me and thats exactly why im like all -pokerface-pokerface- but like cmooooon! if youre really talking to someone, something as simple as a short interaction in the hospital for example with the receptionist or pharmacist - i mean cmoon - just smile a little? i mean i REALLY need to work on it. cause if i am planning on being a doctor - OH PLEASE - smiling is part of the job OH WAKE UP LADYYY!!!!!!! 

but like im not kidding - like i just said - i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me. and ofcourse its not true, i mean MOST people dont even know me. like in the hospital i went to today for example - whyd everyone hate me? :) i mean idk its just something i feel. its weird. but sheeeeeet. have to work on it. fake a smile honey :) 

Okay and idk how wrong or right it is. but i thought of it and i dont feel like there is any harm to it. Like, id like to have the idea in my head that me and him, we love each other and we are meant to be together one day. inshaAllah. For which i always and always pray to Him and ask from Him. But as of right now, we are not together. but deep deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep and deeeeeeeeeeep’errr in my heart i keep telling myself that. We are.

now idk if its wrong, or right - but - i believe it is not making me do something which might anger my Lord.  All what it does is calm my heart. a little. And so i guess its okay! At least for now, i cant let go of the idea. Not today <3  Tada, guess thats enough for today! 

xox

[beautyisreligion]

To distract myself from being suicidal I answered lots of questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Can’t remember it’s been a while 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? More shy 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My fren jazmyn tomorrow :) 
4. Are you easy to get along with? I hope so 
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Person I like???! Like friends??? What? 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Girls. 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Nah 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Professional hockey player Auston Matthews. 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nah 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Deep??? Idk 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? So we don’t have a cooler really 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Green light So far (it's alright)  Where do you go (to my lovely)  Subdivisions (the nsp version tho)  Scar tissue  
 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?  Ye 
 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
 man idk 15. What good thing happened this summer?
 im too sad to b positive rn thanks 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
 yep 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
 hell yeah man come on

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
 i dont even really know who my first crush was 19. Do you like bubble baths? if the bath is big enough for my gross body then ya 
20. Do you like your neighbours?
 I dont really like people in general man (not 2 b emo) 21. What are you bad habits?
 Eating all the time. Being messy. Being sad. 22. Where would you like to travel?
 Greece. And go back to toronto. 23. Do you have trust issues?
 hell yeah 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? the fuck is a routine???????//????? 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
 the entire concept of “body” makes me uncomfortable 26. What do you do when you wake up? either like 8am or 4pm 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
 neither????? 28. Who are you most comfortable around? no one (1) 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? i have nver dated any person 
30. Do you ever want to get married?
 no 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? ye 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
 oh bruh tons. rn i’d say tom hollands and zendaya 33. Spell your name with your chin.
 nikcfolld 34. Do you play sports? i havent moved in centuries 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
 no idea 37. What do you say during awkward silences?
 nothing. they are silent. 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
 someone who is nice and likes me 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
 slavation army and winners and like urban planet 40. What do you want to do after high school?
 die 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no. 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
 tired. specific kind of sad. 43. Do you smile at strangers?
 i try to 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean! 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? nothing. 
46. What are you paranoid about?
 all. 47. Have you ever been high? I smoked weed once but i didnt really feel anything so i guess no 
48. Have you ever been drunk? yeah like twice 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? this probably 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black 
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
 all.the.time 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
 all. 53. Favourite makeup brand? bruh???idk 
54. Favourite store?
 didnt u ask this aready 55. Favourite blog? ob-elisk 
56. Favourite colour? black 
57. Favourite food? 
 greek 58. Last thing you ate? im ashamed of it so no
 u dont get to know 59. First thing you ate this morning? mango 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? yeah a lot back in the day for ballet 
61. Been suspended/expelled? nah 62. Been arrested? nah 
63. Ever been in love? how should i know  
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
 it was gay and fun 65. Are you hungry right now?
 no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? they are the same people 
67. Facebook or Twitter?
 twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tunglr.hel 
69. Are you watching tv right now?
 no 70. Names of your bestfriends? i dont know what “best friends” means 
71. Craving something? What?
 death 72. What colour are your towels? blue 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? dos 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? ye 
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? in me bed: 3 in me house: more 
75. Favourite animal?
 elephants and dogs and cats and coons andbears and corvids and moths and spiders 76. What colour is your underwear?
 white 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate boo i aint a madman 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
 CHOCOLATE 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
 black 80. What colour pants?
 white + green 81. Favourite tv show?
 brooklyn 99 i think 82. Favourite movie?
 lilo and stich silence of the lambs dark knight 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? come on. obviously the OG. 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? both. 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? janis 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? 
Crush 87. First person you talked to today?
 me mom 88. Last person you talked to today?
 me mom 89. Name a person you hate? dad. donald trump. hitler. johnny depp. men. 
90. Name a person you love? me sis 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? 
dad. donald trump. hitler. johnny depp. men.  92. In a fight with someone? nah i dont think so 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? 2 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? lots 
95. Last movie you watched? back to the future 
96. Favourite actress?
 julie andrews 97. Favourite actor?
 heath ledger 98. Do you tan a lot? i dont leave my home thanks 
99. Have any pets?
 4 kitties and a ghosst dog 100. How are you feeling? b a d 
101. Do you type fast?
 not really 102. Do you regret anything from your past? i dont believe in regret 
103. Can you spell well? not as well as you’d hope from an AP english student. and way worse in french. 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes. my lovely and dead grandparents 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? a what 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
 lmao not that i know b 107. Have you ever been on a horse?
 like a decade ago yeah 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 
109. Is something irritating you right now?
 insomnia and depression and self hatred 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? meh 
111. Do you have trust issues?
 yeeeeeEEEBOYYY 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? dont member. prly me mam. 
113. What was your childhood nickname? one time i got called nicky and my mom got mad at the kid and i was too scared to say that i liked that someone was close enough to me to call me that but then our friendship fell apart :((( 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes, a lot. im very fortunate 
115. Do you play the Wii? wanted one when i was younger and never got one 
116. Are you listening to music right now? nah but i wish (am too lazy and sad) 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? am a vegetarian 
118. Do you like Chinese food? ye specially noodles 
119. Favourite book? Misery or paper towns or harry potter or percy jackson or i dont know really 
120. Are you afraid of the dark? no 
121. Are you mean? i hope not. i try not to be 
122. Is cheating ever okay? what does “okay” mean 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes. 
125. Do you believe in true love? yes. 
126. Are you currently bored? i dont know man 
127. What makes you happy? blissfull ignorance of my mental disorders even for a moment 
128. Would you change your name? yeah. my last name so that its not my dads anymore 
129. What your zodiac sign? virgo 
130. Do you like subway? yeah 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? wake up from the vivid day dream 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? deep???? 
133. Favourite lyrics right now? “And she lays down on her bedroom floor The chemicals that make her laugh Don't seem to be working anymore” 
134. Can you count to one million? what????no??? 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? anything i ever told my dad to try to avoid his rage 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 
137. How tall are you?
 5 foot 9 138. Curly or Straight hair?
 in between 139. Brunette or Blonde? me??? im brunette 
140. Summer or Winter? death 
141. Night or Day? death 
142. Favourite month? time aint real and neither are months 
143. Are you a vegetarian? i am :) 
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark!!!!11!!!!!!!!!11! 
145. Tea or Coffee? coffee. 
146. Was today a good day? it never is. 
147. Mars or Snickers? neither. 
148. What’s your favourite quote?
 “When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.” “I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” 149. Do you believe in ghosts?
 i d o n t k n o w 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “About a year or so after we moved to Scarborough, my parents and their friends began having weekend get-togethers.”  

(via lookingfortronler)