#but i also don't want to be dismissed as just another straight person obsessed with sex

[johnbly]

the way that getting into period dramas has made me more inclined to believe that i am actually ace is funny

[fortune-fool02]

Talented Soul

Jack Krauser x military, female reader

Requested by: anonymous

OMG hiiiiii!!! I am literally freaking out right now!! I can't even contain my excitement because you're, like, the only person who understands my obsession with Krauser! And OMG, you're taking requests? That's just totally awesome, I can't even! 😈

So, I had this crazy idea for a fic, and I'm, like, dying to share it with you. It's set before RE4 And Javier and the reader gets to train with Krauser and even Leon. But here's the twist: the reader is, like, super talented and totally kicks butt. At first, Krauser is, like, all business and has no feelings for the reader. But, you know, after they train together and work on missions, he starts falling head over heels for them.

Like, seriously, I'm cool with it being a short or long story. I'm flexible and just thrilled if you even considering it! But if you don't want to do it, no worries, really! I totally understand. Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH! You're, like, the best! Bye!! 😘

Warning: Fluff, canon-violence.

Word count: 1,117 words

I adore this so much! Thank you for requesting it!

Please enjoy!

Out of every rookie lined up before him, she stood out the most. Not just for the fact she was a woman, Krauser has trained women before, but there was this look in her eyes. A sharpness that could put even his knives to shame. A burning determination to strive forward and thrive.

[Name] [Surname] had been brought along with that former cop from Racoon City, apparently the only two survivors of that catastrophe. The information gathered on her was basic, a civilian with some training to a degree, given that her father was also a former military man himself. But that did, by no means, mean Krauser would take it easy on her. If anything, it made her a target for him to see just how much potential she truly had, or if all of her father's coddling bore spoiled rotten fruit.

"[Surname], O'Neil! Step forward!" Krauser barked, and both of them stepped forward. [Name] standing with her back straight, perfect posture and her eyes fixed ahead of her, like a machine almost while O'Neil's posture was a little slumped at the shoulders, looking bored. He had them gathered outside in training yard, the obstacle course laying out in wait for them, a gruelling trial. The task was simple. Two would attempt it in unison, using this to weed out the lackies, those who couldn't hold their ground.

At the moment, Krauser had them in a clear opening. He wanted to see their capability in close-combat.

"I want you both to look at one another. Do not see a comrade. Do not see a friend. See each other as the enemy. Fight like they're your enemy." He ordered, watching the two with a stern glare. "No killing."

With that, both [Name] and O'Neil drew out their combat knives. O'Neil watching her, a light smirk on his lips. "I'll take it easy on you, little lady."

[Name] made no hesitation in making the first move, her knife held securely but allowed for a fluid movement as she closed the gap between them, the blade slicing through the air. O'Neil stumbled back, taken aback by her sudden, sharp movement and had just enough time to block the blade. Metal clashed against metal, the sound cutting through the air as she twisted her arm slightly and brought the blade downwards, cutting along O'Neil's arm and pulling a pained gasp from him. Her boot raised up, landing a sharp kick to his stomach, knocking the man down.

"Pathetic, O'Neil!" Krauser shouted, spitting down at the man. "If this woman was your enemy, you deserved to be killed!" His sharp gaze moved up to [Name], who stood there, ready for his judgement. "[Surname], impressive form. But your skills need sharpening."

[Name] simply nodded her head and stood back when she was dismissed. It was that moment that had planted something in Krauser, unnoticeable at first, but it was there.

Every task he threw at the new rookies, every obstacle he shoved in their path, [Surname] and Kennedy seemed to outmatch their fellow comrades. His eyes would observe her, the focus and determination in her eyes showing that she wanted this. She wanted to succeed. She wanted something she didn't have back in Racoon City.

Power. She wanted to be strong. And he would help with that.

He would arrange for one-to-one training sessions, correcting her posture or technique as he sparred with her. Every piece of information he gave her, [Name] took in and adapted. Flickering wisps of pride would nip at him whenever he saw her improving. A warmth developing more with how she would look at him. Her eyes showing nothing but respect and admiration for her Major.

Others looked at him with similar expressions but it was different from her. Something about the light in her eyes or how her pupils would very slightly expand upon seeing him. Whatever it was, it pulled at Krauser, festering deep inside him, allowing something faint to slip through paper-thin cracks in himself. Cracks that [Name] had caused with her little moments. Those lingering touches. The way their eyes would lock for longer than necessary.

Each little thing that would make his heart beat that one beat faster. An eagerness that would grow at the idea of their one-to-one sessions. They soon became the high-lights of his day. Seeing how her skills were honing, how she was adapting better.

But it didn't stop there. Ideas began to whisper into his thoughts. When he would raise his arm to block her incoming strike, grabbing her wrist, then either pull her into his chest or push her against the wall, pressing his lips upon hers. Pressing the blade of his knife against her neck and seeing that look in her eyes, that light mix of discomfort with a hint of something else. Something that stirred inside him.

His eyes would always fall to her lips. Imagining how they would feel against his. How she would feel in his arms, his hands on her body. These thoughts would haunt him late into the night, and even seeping into his dreams at times.

A part of him wanted to act out on these desires, to give into that temptation that she held over him, but there were too many risks. She was a rookie, he was her Major. Perhaps it was that which made it all the more tempting?

He stood there again, watching [Name]'s focused expression as she sat, taking a gun apart and putting it back together, of course, in a more basic fashion than some professionals that Krauser had seen before. But the way her fingers moved with such care and dedication was what entranced him the most.

"Major Krauser, sir." [Name] set the parts aside and stood to attention, saluting the man.

"At ease, [Surname]." He smiled at her and her posture relaxed after a moment or two. His mind rattled a little, trying to seek out a good reason for being there rather than just to observe her, like he has done countless times. But nothing came to mind. Nothing that he couldn't openly state. "You're a great soldier, [Surname]."

[Name] nodded her head at that, a sense of pride welling up inside her at the praise, she dared to crack a light smile. Krauser's eyes lit up at the sight of her smile and felt a warmth rush through his body. "Thank you, Major."

Krauser smiled at this. "Jack. Between us, just call me that." A part of him wanted to hear her call him by his name. He longed for it.

She nodded her head and glanced around, ensuring that no one is around, "Yes, Jack."

He smiled again.

[oodlenoodleroodle]

Pretty much every mental health issue has a diagnostic criteria of "disrupts daily living" or something to that effect. There is often also a time length criteria.

"Everyone has obsessive thoughts sometimes" – but not everyone's lives are disrupted by them, therefore they do not have obsessive thoughts in the sense that we use the word to talk about a mental health problem.

"Everyone is depressed sometimes" – I really don't believe that every single person has felt a persistent low mood for weeks or months. It's normal for your mood to go up and down but the very thing that characterises depression is that it doesn't go up for a long time.

"Everyone gets anxious" – yes but not everyone has anxiety, which is a mental health problem defined by their anxious feelings disrupting their life. Everyone feels anxious but most people don't therefore stay home instead of going to do something they really really want to do.

"Everyone is traumatised" – everyone has experienced bad things in life, but not everyone gets traumatised by their experiences. It is a complicated system that causes some people to be traumatised and not others – even by the same event! People can be in the same event and one gets traumatised and another doesn't! I have had bad things happen in my life but I don't have to drag those things around me at all times the way traumatised people do, and therefore I am able to do things that traumatised people can't, I am able to live my life in a way traumatised people aren't.

.

If someone tries to dismiss your mental health issues by saying "everyone" has it, please know that they are wrong. Either they are using the word wrong, or they just straight up are wrong. If 20% of the population has the same illness, that is an enormous amount of people and really significant in terms of public health – but it is so so far from "everyone." It is still a minority. It is not "normal" to have that illness.

Mental illnesses are disabling. People who don't have them don't have that experience of being disabled by a mental illness and therefore it will be difficult for them to understand what it's like to be disabled by a mental illness.

[springcrafter]

This is going to be a personal post, the sort is that's completely about me and my thoughts and life story (slightly obfuscated because I'm not going to doxx myself over here). Don't think for a second this means that I'm ignorant or dismissive of anything that's going on around me; it doesn't lessen my personal trauma and if anything, it makes it even worse.

tl;dr - I'm in pain beyond words. I'm so furious and distraught that I can't even begin to be afraid.

I once spent six blissful months in a particularly safe European city. For the first time in my life, I knew what it was like not to experience existential anxiety. Existential anxiety was always present in my life to the point I thought it was the normal way to be. It was there as I grew up in an unsafe city (for everyone, but for Jews in particular), and then after fleeing to Israel when it was clear I would not be able to make any sort of life worth living for myself in a country that never saw me as one of their own.

It also dawned on me that loyalty to a place is the norm. Everyone around me had a home in their towns and cities, or simply their countries, that they had absolutely no interest in leaving behind. Most people are not uprooted once a generation (if lucky) to start over anew - and most nations don't go through this for 2000 years straight.

For at least three generations back, everyone in my family has migrated twice in their lives. A few times by choice (and I use that word loosely) but mostly because of generalized persecution and personal threats. Come and tell me with a straight face, then, that you know what it's like to walk in my shoes. Tell me with a straight face, that I should "just leave" as if there was no Antisemitism whatsoever in the ideas of the Wandering Jew and dual loyalty, or the belief that we're sitting on the sort of piles of cash and resources needed for sustainable immigration.

As for me - I was born rootless. My dad let it escape that I was conceived while my family was transferring their life elsewhere, after he received a personal threat that put the entire family in danger. We got lucky that one time - there was somewhere we could go. But it was not by choice.

The second time, twenty years later, saw the openly Antisemitic government actively destroying hour livelihood. With everyone but me being either aging or severely disabled - we only had one option. Only one place where we could go. I got here before, desperately wishing to belong somewhere, anywhere, as a Jewish immigrant. Except that when I understood there was nothing to go back to, I realized there are no roots under my feet. Not here. Not anywhere.

I often thought of myself as uprooted but I keep wondering if I ever set any roots at all.

I was fortunate in countless ways - I consider myself a lucky person and I count my blessings at every opportunity. Right now, though, I'm not okay. I would be insane if I were. I'm not okay, and no one around me is okay, and I don't know if I'll ever be.

Because there are people who think being pro-Palestine or pro-Israel is like your run-of-the-mill shipping war or sports rivalry, when what's at stake is human lives, including mine. As if one side had to be 100% right and the other 100% wrong. This obsession with "picking a side" is disturbing to me.

(The way I have always seen it, there are two sides - those who benefit from this conflict and treat it as a chessboard, and everyone else. Because when I hear the testimonies of the Palestinian people who were violently uprooted, who have been purposefully kept disenfranchised for nearly a century not only by their enemies but their own allies - I feel that in my bones, far deeper than anything anyone in my leadership has to say. Because we're more similar to one another than to our respective leaders, and they keep us busy hating one another because they don't want us to see that.)

Yes, I'm furious, because so many of you are willing to ignore that high politics are at play, and that this stage of the conflict (October 7 onward) was never about Palestinian freedom. The Israel-Palestine conflict has become a proxy war for bigger fish. It's no longer about us. We're their pawns. But that's not as appealing to emotion as the Palestinian cause, and not the sort of black-and-white narrative people love to latch on to.

Because there are people saying with a straight face that October 7 was perpetrated by Israel against our own. That's a baby step removed from Holocaust revisionism. I've always poked fun at my friend for letting themselves be bullied by the youth; this is the first time I'm genuinely scared of them.

Because Free Palestine, which is about the right of the Palestinian people to live a free life in this land, has genuinely Antisemitic people within their ranks and they are not being held accountable by the broader movement. They are platformed and followed and being allowed to dictate what is and isn't Antisemitism (surprisingly moving goalposts after October 7) - as if anyone who isn't Jewish had the right to define what is or isn't Antisemitic.

Because genuine Antisemitic sentiment is rampant among the general Palestinian population as well, but that is never taken into account when discussing the possibility of peace in the region. "From the river to the sea" is a phrase used by both sides in an ethno-nationalistic manner, and whoever pretends it isn't is outright, knowingly lying to you. There are people on both sides who won't accept peace unless the other side is dead. That is just a fact.

I'm furious, because some of you find this selective blindness acceptable. Because some of you genuinely think that displacing half the world's Jews is any form of solution. Because I have been told "if you don't want to be killed, just leave".

Just leave. Sure. We have been doing that for 2000 years.

There are no roots under my feet, but no wings on my back either.

Because we apparently "control the media" (Antisemitic trope as old as time) but it's extremely clear how little control we have of the narrative - not that I think this is the sort of narrative that should be controlled by anyone.

(A good rule of thumb is that if a turn of phrase or a general idea sounds icky when you replace "Israel" with "half the world's Jews" - it's most likely Antisemitic. Things like blocking Israeli netizens for no reason other than them being Israeli, calling us conquerors when generally we came here as refugees - that is all rooted in Antisemitism, and if you refuse to even consider that idea, you should be taking a good look in the mirror and ask why.)

Because everyone accepts that Hamas runs the Gaza Strip in a brutally repressive manner not unlike North Korea (talk about an open-air prison) where freedom of expression is quelled, but everyone believes their officials blindly.

(Another good rule of thumb: If you believe blindly what one side says and label everyone else as liars - you are a victim to propaganda.)

I'm seething, because the concept of nation-states is inherently European, and it was forcibly imposed upon much of the world in an act of Neocolonialism that areas like the Middle East and Africa will never recover from. Because the Middle East was broken into arbitrary pieces precisely as an European tactic to divide and conquer post-World War 1, and Britain controlled this land and fueled the local conflict until their departure post-World War 2 (whether that was ineptitude or malice, I don't care).

But it's easier to blame 'those savages' in the Middle East rather than force your own to take accountability for all the pain and misery they brought into the world - pain and misery created precisely so you, yes you, living in the Imperial core, could benefit from it.

Furious, because the "solution" to Antisemitism in Europe was to ship the Jews off elsewhere (after taking everything we owned and making it nearly impossible for us to go back) - and now they don't want us here, either. Yes, horrible things are being committed by our own, and we are unequivocally holding our leadership accountable - but you would rather think we are a monolith; that makes us easier to hate.

(I fear that the inevitable accountability will make our leadership prolong the war for as long as they can - there's nothing more that Netanyahu fears than the day after.)

Because I have been labeled as "one of the good ones" before, several times, as if that train of thinking alone wasn't inherently discriminatory. As if the "good Jew" as one who accepts their fate passively wasn't yet another Antisemitic idea.

Because people seem to care about Palestinian lives but say little about the allies using them as proxies. Because people only care when they can justify their hatred for (cannot stress this enough) half the world's Jewish population.

I'm holding the anger of two-thousand years of rootless ancestry and you don't get to tell me how a mile on my threadbare shoes should be walked. Not now, not ever.

[motsimages]

I'm rewatching Peacemaker. I remember when I first watched it a friend of mine thought Vigilante was cute (as in fun and charming) and I was like "what? No!" and then I came here and everyone seems to be thinking the same thing and I was like "maybe it's me". And now I'm rewatching Peacemaker and I cannot, for the life of me, see how he is cute or charming in any way. He gives me the creeps, for real.

I want to make sure we are all in the same page before I continue with my analysis. This is the first time I'm invested in a fandom and I'm starting to understand the "Your fave is problematic" joke, but the question is not whether your fave is problematic or not. The question is: are you aware of the problems? Are you idealising the problems? I do not judge your headcanons, your fanfics or your personal fantasies, but I do worry that some of you are getting confused with this character because he is a handsome young man.

I don't see people justifying Chris Smith as much as they justify Adrian Chase. People will straight up say that Peacemaker is an asshole and a killer and then go on to say that Vigilante is so cute and our neurodivergent king, they will get mad that the team doesn't trust him.

He is a very interesting character, he is physically attractive and he is the comic relief, but like, they make sure in the first 2 chapters (I'm in the beginning of the 3rd one) to state as clearly as possible that he is a serial killer with a serious untreated mental problem. And if only it was just that (at least half the team fits this description and they do not creep me out).

First, and the thing that worries me most from what I see here, we have the obsession he has with Peacemaker. He is a stalker, he calls him compulsively, more than once a day even though he never replies (because he is in prison and has no phone). He really thinks he is his best friend and gets jealous and defensive when he says he is not (and this doesn't change, to the point that Peacemaker tells Leota at the end "don't tell Vigilante but you are my BFF" as if he was afraid of Vigilante). He follows him to the HQ, he tells him he doesn't trust his coworkers who are also there and that he wants to make sure he is ok. That in itself is bad enough.

Does a good friend check on you to make sure you are ok? Yes. Is someone a good friend if they follow you to your work, call you compulsively and get jealous that you may have another friend? No.

I cannot like this in any way. I know many so called "romantic" plots and movies use stalking and controlling behavior as something cute or seductive but here they don't dress it as that in any way. They use it to make jokes, to show pathetism in Vigilante, but never to make it cute. It is plain stalking. And Peacemaker is NOT thrilled by it, he barely accepts it and deals with it as it comes, like the rest of the things he doesn't like in his life. Again, ship them if you want, adjust what you need to make it work but don't call this behavior love (for your own sake in life, I do worry that some of you believe this is healthy or ideal).

In case this wasn't bad enough, the police mention Vigilante as a problem they have. Yes, there is a trope in superhero movies of the police dismissing the superhero because they are messing with police investigations but in this case, Economos also mentions that Vigilante is wanted because of various murder cases.

Now, VIGILANTE HIMSELF speaks of how much he likes and enjoys killing people with his own hands in gruesome detail. He says he only kills bad people but bad people, in his eyes, include people who do graffiti or who smoke joints. His moral compass is waaay off. It's barely hanging on the US law.

And he speaks about that just when Peacemaker is trying to open up and speak about how he is questioning his life choices, how he maybe has killed too many innocent people. He has just cried because he killed Rick, he mentions to Vigilante,* hoping he understands*, that his biggest motivation for killing for peace maybe was wrong and he is received by "I enjoy killing people and I know you do to". And the only thing Peacemaker can do is look at Vigilante horrified. Again: this is how Vigilante thinks he is helping his friend who is questioning his life choices. He doesn't listen and then, Vigilante tells Peacemaker what he, Vigilante, wants to believe.

When he waves in the bar, Peacemaker says "this is my friend's brother, he has mental issues" as if it is something well-known in the neighborhood, as if Peacemaker's friend had mentioned to him "we got my brother tested because there is something wrong with him". I may be reading to much into this, except Vigilante later says that he is a sociopath and that he was not affected by Peacemaker's bullying because and I quote him "I don't have emotions like people do".

People seem to reduce Vigilante to a quirky autistic boy because he misreads people's expressions and gestures. But I know enough autistic people to know that this goes beyond autism. The autistic people I know can tell if someone is crying and you wouldn't fool them saying you don't, they are actually quite empathic, make jokes, know when and how to let you be on your own and when and how to check on you. He may be autistic *too* but that is not all he is and that is not what affects him the most.

Let's get serious into potential symptoms here. I don't know if he is a sociopath, as he says or it is something else, I'm not an expert, but:

he is way too naive (he believes crying is actually facial training, even in a context when that is impossible), so naive that he is very easy to manipulate (as we see when Leota manipulates him to kill Peacemaker's father).

He follows blindly his own ideals, and he seems to change them to fit his needs or desires ("3 years ago I would have killed you for that" he tells Chris and Amber for smoking joints after the threesome)

He is very friendly but he doesn't measure when to say or do certain things to show support or to shut up.

When they speak about "funny nicknames" that Peacemaker used to give, he knows Peacemaker is a bully but cannot see what is wrong with it. Sure, people were pissed off but how is that even a problem, Chris is like that. He knows the theory, maybe for some things somebody has told them explicitly but if that is not the case, he is always off.

He isn't even good at copying people's behavior or manipulating people to get what he wants. Some people with poor social skills or difficulty with interpersonal connection are excellent at copying people and manipulating them.

And then is the obsession with Peacemaker. That is probably his biggest drive, probably what's behind his justifications to kill people, to be with his friend, to be like him, to be worthy of him. Of the idea of him that he has, because Peacemaker tries to be different and Adrian doesn't really follow. Again, let's remember the conversation when Peacemaker is doubting his life choices.

So yeah, the first time I watched Peacemaker I was creeped out by VIgilante but he is a fun character and I enjoyed him as the co-protagonist and comic relief. He is a good counterpart for Leota. But now that I know soooo many people dig him and seem to think he is misunderstood, not only I'm creeped out, I'm also really worried about you guys.

Please, tell me you are aware of all this and that what I see here on Tumblr is an oversimplification for the fun of it, a headcanon or an AU. If you really think Vigilante is misunderstood and that he is just a cute autistic boy, if you really don't see anything wrong with him, be careful with the people you deal with in real life. Please.

[healpeony]

Love Story

Levi Ackerman x reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; Levi's and Y/n love isn't accepted by many specially Y/n's parents, an Eldian and a Marleyan? a great represention of Persephone's and Hades love.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; profanity, angst, scene of smut (not explicitly described), violence, blood, being called whore (by her mother), homophobia (also used by her mother), spoilers.

Taglist; @icedkoffees

Note; she/her pronouns used for the reader as well as female anatomy. Also I'm using what Isayama said about how Levi would act shy around his crush and him being uncomfortable with sexual intercourse. And I also want to add that I don't know much about what happens when the Marleyans invaded Paradise, and I also added my own thing to help with my plot so this could be call a cannonverse!au.

PERSEPHONE a young women who's innocence was taken from her the moment she was kidnapped by her uncle, who fell in love with her. Despite her mother's (Demeter) attempts to fully get her back right away from the hands of her brother, it was too late that wasn't going to happened not after Hades persuaded Persephone to eat four seeds of pomegranate, which forced someone to have a connection with their captor, making them come back to them.

Each spring time Persephone would be living with her mother on earth, while in winter she was with Hades in the underworld.

Levi was the Persephone to Y/n's Hades, she being the one who used him and their love for each other was the pomegranate making Levi come back to her.

It's ironic how their love story started with y/n getting taken away from Marley, a place she called home.

Even though she wasn't necessarily kidnaped, she was sent away to accomplish a mission in a place called Paradise, she found it ridiculous how it was named that way when that land was full of devils.

Y/n was shipped to Paradise along with the warriors. She was going to infiltrate into the Survey Corps where she would hopefully sabotage every expedition without getting caught.

Her mission was to make sure none of the warriors get too cozy in the foreign place, and to focus on their mission, but it was impossible to do so when all the people who were described as devils, were actually just like them. Humans.

She was older than those kids being 22 when they were still 15, y/n loved them, they were like little siblings to her and it hurt when they lost Marcel, the jaw.

"Oi brat! Stay focused" the voice of her captain took her out of her train of thoughts

Captain Levi, he was called humanity strongest and was also what everyone called their only hope. At first Y/n didn't understood why he needed such a big tittle, but after being in his squad and witnessing him showing his skills and his hatred towards titans, she got why.

"I'm sorry captain" she saluted, which was dismissed by him

"You called what you did back in the kitchen, cleaning?" he asked pointing towards the place he just mentioned "There is dust everywhere, go and clean everything again, I don't want to see any dust in there again. That's where our food is made, you idiot"

Without another word he left, and when she felt like he was out of earshot, she kicked a chair, breaking it. He might be Humanities strongest, but he was soo irritating, so obsessed with cleaning. That's what they always did for the most part of their time.

"there is dust everywhere my ass" she mocked Levi's voice while looking around the kitchen she just finished cleaning minutes ago

She had made sure everything was left without a spot of dust, how in the world did Levi saw dust anywhere.

After she had cleaned the kitchen area, Levi had send her to clean the stables which took a lot of time since he told her to clean alone. It was already sun down when she had finished.

She was exhausted, her clothes were pooled with sweat and glued to her skin making her uncomfortable, she really needed a shower.

"Go take a shower" the sudden voice of the raven man scare the hell out of her

"Fuck Captain!" y/n yelled, putting a hand on her chest as if that would calm her speeding heart beat

"Go now, and then come to eat dinner with us" he continued, the blank stare he gave her when they made eye contact given her chills

"Yes, sir" she saluted, before leaving

The mess hall was well a mess, the cadets eat like animals. The same soup and bread they always eat, Y/n found it extremely annoying how the Military Police get all the meat when the Survey Corps were the ones doing the only brave work inside the walls.

"Y/n if you're not going to eat your soup can I have it?" Sasha asked

Oh, how much she wanted to say no, but she had a reputation to hold and she didn't want the soup anyway.

Y/n faked a smile, (one that everyone thought that was genuine) before saying "of course, Sasha" passing the bowl full of hot soup to the girl

"Thanks!"

Y/n felt how eyes were burning through her skull and turned her head to look down the table, just to see Captain Levi staring at her with a suspicious look in his eyes.

Oh shit, if he in some way found out about who she really was, she was fucked. The young women tried her best to stay seated, but her nerves didn't let her making her stand up.

"I'm exhausted, I think I'm going to sleep"

It wasn't a lie she was tired from all the cleaning, but she didn't want to sleep, she just needed to desperately get out of there.

When she was finally outside, y/n leaned against the wall, sliding down while taking a deep breath.

"You know, it isn't good to fake smile to your friends"

Y/n immediately turn around at the sudden voice of her captain, he did it again, he scared the living shit out of her.

"Captain!, Stop doing that!" her face felt warmer than usual for some reason

Was she blushing?

"Why did you do it? Are you sad?" Levi asked putting down a handkerchief on the ground before sitting next to her, looking over at her examinating her face

"Oh it's just stress" Y/n replied, praying that he would just believe her

"I see.." he turned towards the sky where the moon shined brightly along with the stars

What Y/n thought that would be a awkward silence, turned into a comfortable one. They just stared at the sky above them, it remind Y/n that she had a family waiting for her outside the walls and she was not going to disappoint them by getting comfy with the captain, even though she didn't know what his intentions were.

"I'm going to take a nap" she stood up, and called over her shoulder "Have a good night, captain" before proceeding to walk towards her room

"Good night, cadet..."

Y/n didn't know when it happened, was it when they continued sitting together and looking at the sky in complete silence, or was it when in some of those same nights they spoke more and more about each other's personal life (in none of those conversations she mentioned Marley, but still talked about her family). She didn't remember how her feelings for him changed, but they did.

Right now she was there, in the same spot on the wall with Levi next to her. They were even in first name basics with each other.

The raven man cleared his throat catching her attention, turning her head to the side to look at him she noticed how he was blushing.

"I.. I think is pretty obvious what I feel for— about you by now"

A surprised noice escaped Y/n mouth, she expected to have that talk with him some day, but not today or Levi being so straight forward with the subject.

The women could only nod, her brain still processing what he just said.

"I was wondering, if you felt the same.." his voice dropped to a whisper, while he looked down

"No" she shaked her head, making Levi looked up at her eyes widened with embarrassment at the rejection "Look, Levi.. it's just that I have done terrible things that you're not aware of. You don't want to be with me"

"Then tell me what terrible things you have done and let me be with you after your done" Levi said

"No, Levi you don't understand" tears pooled in her eyes, y/n didn't even remember the last time she had cry "I can't be with you"

"Why? Is it because of the terrible things you have done? Well guess what everybody has their own flaws, everybody in this world is an angel, at least until they get tired of the cruelty in it and let the demons take over" Levi grabbed her face between his hands, wiping the falling tears from her face "I want to be with you, wether you have let your demons take over or not"

Y/n felt the man lean in to place his lips to hers, they stayed pressed together without movement, before Levi pull away and kissed her again this time letting his emotions be known through the kiss.

Passion. Love. Care.

This is a moment in her life she would never forget not even when hers and the warriors mission is over.

Retaking of wall Maria

"I let you. I fucking let you in!"

Levi stood infront of her heartbroken, she told him, now he knew everything..

"Levi-" however she wasn't able to continue speaking since she received a kick right in the face making her fall on her side

She looked at Levi surprised, he had kicked her. Y/n knew she deserved, but it still hurt to have someone you loved hit you.

"You lied about everything didn't you? For what, to get information?" his voice was cracking slightly with each word he said "Was it necessary to use me for your stupid plans?"

"I didn't use you!, What I felt for you was real" y/n said defending her feelings

"I don't even know what is real about you anymore, is Y/n actually your name? Or is it just another lie?"

"It is my name.." she weakly murmured tasting blood in her tongue, she figured that her lip might have been split open from the impact

"Oh good to know"

Sarcasm tried to cover his hurt voice, which actually didn't work, since Y/n could clearly hear his shaky breath and it made her feel soo guilty.

"I hate you"

Those three little words were enough to make her world come crashing down, he hated her. Of course he did, it hurt so much but she had seen this coming, and she still didn't felt ready for it.

"I'm sorry, Levi"

That was all she said to him, before she was grabbed by a titan being controlled by Zeke, taking her away from the place where she meet someone who meant so much to her.

One thing that she was sure of was that

She will never forget Levi Ackerman.

Screams, that was what was heard everywhere. Kids either with their parents or alone were running desperately trying to find shelter, and that broke Y/n's heart.

She was tired of all the fighting, she was tired of pretending to be stronger than she felt. For once she just wanted peace and happiness, something that she didn't quite have the past four years.

How did they got here? That was one of the many questions going through her head, but one that she paid more attention to was the most important

Was he here too?

"There you are, piece of shit."

That voice, it was him. It might have changed, but she could recognize it everywhere, the same voice who used to startle her everytime they saw each other, the voice that bought her comfort, the voice of the man she fell in love with.

It was Levi.

Slowly she proceeded to turn around, the fear for what might happen next running through her veins. She was ready to be killed by him.

Finally she look up and saw the same man she fell in love with, the only change that she saw was the uniform, apart from that he still seem like he had the same height as before and from the look on his face he still had the same temper.

"Nice uniform, I like it" she told him quietly not knowing what to say

Levi scoffed at her statement, taking his blade out. So he was going to kill her.

"You can go ahead and kill me, might as well add another ghost to haunt you"

Did she felt fear? Yes she did, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing it.

"Shut up" that was his response, before he connected his blade with her cheek leaving a long but not deep cut "You're going to come with me"

"I'm not going anywhere!"

The last thing he told her was that he hated her, why would he want her to come back to Paradise?, Was it to use her for information? Or because he missed her? It was stupid to think of the latter question, but she was still hopeful.

"I'm not asking, you brat"

That was the last thing she heard before he knocked her out.

"How could you be with a devil?!"

Her mom's scream hurt her eardrums, Zeke had told them about how she had been in a relationship with a so call devil. That seem like the only thing Zeke could do apart from throwing rocks, snitch.

"You were send there for a reason Y/n! No child of mine should've or should be with one of those devils!"

"Mother, I'm so sorry it's just that it would be easier for me to get the information about them that I wanted"

That was a lie. She loved Levi, even though she didn't get the chance to say it to him. She did, and that feeling wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

Her father stood next to her mother quietly looking at her with disgusts as if she was the trash people get rid of because of the smell, she hated that, it hurt to have your own parents hating on you.

"So what? For a piece of information, you had to go and whore yourself in there?"

Y/n gasped looking at her mom shocked "What? No mother, I didn't do anything like that with him!" she argue

That wasn't a lie, Levi was uncomfortable with sexual intercourse, since his own mother worked in a brothel and he had been the witness of how much that act hurt his mother, he had trusted her enough to tell her that.

"Good, you still have your purity." her mom nodded, before letting out a sigh "At least it wasn't with a women, you would've been completely kicked out of this house young lady"

"Now go take a shower, make sure to wash away every memory in that land while doing so." her mom smiled softly her hand reaching out to touch her cheek, before hugging her "My poor baby, having to live with those devils for so long. Don't worry you're home now, you're safe with us"

What once was her home didn't feel like home anymore, her house was just a place, her home was the person she left behind in Paradise.

Y/n didn't remember how many days have passed or what was going on outside of her cell. She didn't know in what prison she was in, but just a few days ago it had seem like there was a whole damn war going on outside.

She hasn't seen Levi since he put her into the cell, and she was scared that something might have happened to him. She heard the door of the corridor open, Y/n stood up walking towards the bars to see who it was, it was Hange.

"Y/n" Hange nodded at her as if they were saying hi "He said your name, so we think it would be good if you saw him"

"Who are you talking about?" Y/n asking looking at them confused

"Levi"

Her heart immediately speed up, something happened to him. Her anxiety grew each passing second as she took step by step through the halls, Hange having a hold of her arm to make sure she didn't try to run away.

"What happened to him?" Y/n questioned scared for what the answer might be

"Explosion" was all they said, before entering a room that seems to be Levi's, there was only a nurse sitting in a chair probably just there just in case Levi needed something

"Thanks, you can stand outside. We would call if we need you" Hange told the nurse who nodded and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, but not before throwing Y/n a look of disapproval about her being there.

Y/n ran to Levi's side as soon as the nurse was out, he had bandages in one side of his face, and on his hands. Tears started sliding down the young women's cheek while Hange looked at her with pity, but also cautiously not wanting her to do anything that might hurt Levi.

"Levi.." she whispered, even though

y/n felt bad about disturbing him from his sleep knowing how difficult it was for him to do so, she wanted to hear his voice, reassuring her that he was going to be ok "Everything it's going to be fine, right Hange? Tell him"

“Yeah, I agree with you y/n”

She didn't knew who she was trying to convince herself or Levi, but that didn't matter, because she felt a squeeze in one hand and immediately look down to see that Levi was the one holding it. Y/n look back up to his face seeing how his eye was open and he was staring directly at her.

Y/n smiled "Hey darling, you're okay now" she let out those word between sobs "— I'm sorry for everything Levi, for not telling you where I was really from, for letting you fall in love with me when I knew how it was going to bed. I'm so sorry for every misery that I have put you through"

Levi squeezed her hand again "- 's ok, I f—orgive you" his words came out has a whisper and he struggled to speak but she heard him clearly

Hange watched the scene playing out infront of them, they could see how much those two loved each other. They were like a puzzle, that could figure each other out, knowing each piece of themselves like the back of their hands.

It has been a month and a half exactly since Y/n had seen Levi in the bed witnessing how helpless he looked, she had never seen him like that and wasn't planning to anytime soon, since then she hadn't left his side.

He was currently touching her bare back leaving kisses down her neck, their naked chest pressed together, hot and sweaty.

"Levi..." she moaned softly

This was their first time being intimate, and she didn't want him to feel pressured into anything.

"I know what you're going to say, and I want to how much as you" he said before continuing marking her, claiming her as his

Each move of his hips against hers, reminded her of who she was with. The gentleness in his touch making her forget about the world around them. The softness of his lips against hers taking her breath away.

It wasn't just the pleasure that made Levi take the decision of doing this with her, this was his own way of showing how far he would go just to be with her, to come out of his comfort zone just to shower her with intimate kisses and touches that he and neither would she forget.

“I love you Levi”

Her skin was the canvas, and his lips was the brush painting each part of her body.

“I love you too...”

“You will come back with us immediately young lady!" her mother said trying to remain calm infront of the devils

The rumbling was over, Eren Yeager was killed. Paradise and Marley were allies, but that doesn't mean they have forgiven each other for what each have done. Many Marleyans and Eldians from Marley came to visit out of curiosity, while people from Paradise went to explore the world (if we are talking about visiting the outside world and finding new things as much as possible), but they never want to visit Marley afraid that they might get turn into titans and angry for what those monsters have done to other people.

"I'am old enough to make my own decisions, mother" Y/n had answered, wanting to remain as calm as she could

"His manipulating you isn't he?"

"How dare you!—" Y/n yelled, before regaining her composure, her voice going back to calm but being loud and firm at the same time "I love him, he didn't manipulate me into anything. It's bold of you to assume that, mother"

"We're your family, your place it's with us!"

Some of the Military Police who were there scoffed along with some of the scouts, they have warmed up to Y/n already, but the Marleyans didn't seem to accept that one of themselves loved an Eldian, specially from Paradise.

"You're my family? Then where were you when I needed you the most?, All I needed when I returned to Marley four years ago was my mother!, The one who an illusion of my mind created, a sweet mom who would love me for being her child, and not see me as an object" Y/n couldn't remain calm anymore she needed to let everything out "— The time I spent with him, I got to truly know what comfort was, what being loved and being needed felt like! And you—" with tears in her eyes she turned to her father who was quiet, like he always was "You're so afraid of mom that you don't even dare to speak for yourself!, You did nothing to help your own daughter!, You just watched as she was raised to be something she didn't want to be!"

She spoke out her mind finally letting out those built up words that haunted her, needing to be said "— I thank you for everything though, despite not given me the love that I needed, your own choices took me to where we are now. Without those decisions, I wouldn't have met Levi so I thank you, for what you both did" she smiled at them

Her mom stood there quietly, before turning around and walking towards the door, her father following close behind "Don't bother returning home" was all her father said

"I won't"

She was already home, she was standing next to it. Holding his hand, Levi Ackerman was the safe place she will always and forever need.

“— And they lived happily ever after”

Y/n closed the book, looking at the twins, her daughter and son who had fallen asleep half way through the story.

“Please tell me you didn't read to them the explicit parts”

The voice of her husband scared her and she turned to him, who stood by the door leaning into it.

“Of course not you idiot!”

She stood up turning off the lamp and given both of the children kisses on their head, before going out of the room with Levi.

“I still think we should publish this book” Y/n smirked, a mischievous look in her eyes

“Absolutely not”

Yeah, their Love Story had a happy ending after all.

This was so much fun to write! I wrote 4k words and I'm proud of that! I feel like my writing has improved in the past few days, and this might be one of the works that will show it, and I hope future ones show the progress too! Also I want to punch y/n's mother in the face.

Thank you so much for reading, you can support my work by hitting reblog or liking! But don't repost to other platforms!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ok, straight up, what do you think about the John&Yoko relationship? You’ve probably given your opinion on this before, but I don’t think ive ever read your take on it so i just thought id ask :)

Thank u for heeding to my call bestie :) <3 Not sure I've ever directly addressed this yet actually, so here it goes!!

I wouldn't call myself a full John&Yoko expert but they definitely give off bad vibes lol, I really do not like them as a couple.

On the other hand, some people seem to frame Yoko as nothing but an almost magical seductress who John had no chance resisting because she was just that manipulative (which is not to say that I don't believe that she was in fact manipulative with him). I think that's a little reductive. I think they were drawn to each other because they were both damaged in a way and recognized that in each other, even revelled in a sort of Us vs The World mentality which appealed to both of them. I'm sure they also had interesting conversations and debates at the start of their relationship (or even before, in 67) that made them feel like they were on the same page.

As a couple, I feel like they brought out the worst in each other though. Yoko encouraged John's aggressiveness towards Paul and his tendency to neglect Julian and Cynthia (and a part of that, namely Yoko losing her daughter, does make sense and isn't entirely her fault); John somewhat "forced her hand" into controlling him obsessively by being unpredictable and even violent.

This is not to say that they aren't both in the end responsible for their own actions, but the combination of the two led to a personal regression for both.

I think by the mid 70s they were somewhat miserable as a couple (whereas in 68-71 I do believe they got genuine joy out of each other, even if some of it was heavily influenced by heroin) but stayed together cause neither of them really saw another option. I also think that having a kid brought them closer in a way, in the same way I think Julian helped bring John closer to Cynthia, even if that ultimately wasn't enough to save their relationship as a whole. I get the feeling that by the end they were somewhat fine being in a sort of loveless marriage, raising a family in their own unconventional way.*

All in all, I don't like John&Yoko but I think there's a reason they were together and it's more complicated than just Yoko being a master-manipulator.

On the other hand, this photoshoot of theirs slapped. 10/10

*This is actually sort of also how I feel about 67-68 John and Cynthia. Based on what I've researched they sort of read like one of those arranged marriage success stories, in the sense that they are very aware that they are together due to circumstance but have made their peace with that to some extent and want what's best for their family. Obviously mental illness and whatever John had going on with Paul shouldn't be dismissed as factor though.

[kevindayscrown]

Why Kevin Day is the most in-depth character in the All For the Game series

An essay by a Kevin stan, so you know it's at least 70% biased

Hello, hello everyone, welcome to another session of me, brainwashing you about the amazingness of Kevin Day. In this short essay, I'll discuss how our number Queen asshole striker is, in fact, not just a whiney bitch, but one of the most key characters in the AFTG series. I'll also discuss how Nora pretty much did him dirty and how much I appreciate the fandom for doing him better.

I've decided that it will be much easier to take things chronologically, so I can delve deeper into what makes Kevin the character whose stans won't shut up about.

Unlike the rest of the characters in the series, Kevin started off in a somewhat stable family condition. He was brought up by his mother, Kayleigh, but still probably had to live with the title 'Son of Exy' from the moment he was born. We've all witnessed what being on the spotlight from a young age has done to child stars. Kevin, upon growing up, would start feeling the burden of a whole legacy created by his mother. Because Exy, despite being a bastard sport, has a large fanbase around the US, and possibly further - since it's mentioned that it's also an Olympic sport.

It wouldn't be a surprise that Kevin more than likely looked up to his mother and wanted to play Exy for her. Suddenly though, Keyleigh died in a car accident (if it was even a car accident; knowing the Moriyamas, it could had been done on purpose) and left Kevin in the care of Tetsuji Moriyama, the head of one of the yakuza's branches, and his now adoptive brother Riko.

Let's be honest, both of them were just kids. They only had each other, so it was really easy to get attached. Kevin has lost his mother at this point and Tetsuji is not exactly a proper father figure, so Kevin had to cling on Riko. Despite us seeing him in the main timeline being an asshole who snaps at everyone, his willingness to submit into the position of 'number 2' even if he's better than Riko, shows how much he depends emotionally on people. Riko and Kevin had to meet certain expectations, had fans from a very young age, and Neil even mentions that he literally witnessed Kevin grow up from media outlets and coverages. Kevin had to stick close to the only other person who's going through the same thing.

As a result, it was easy for Kevin to focus on what he's taught to believe; he should aim for the stars, he should be good, great, but never the best. Because Riko is the best. Kevin accepts that.

I hate how people call him a spineless coward just because someone mentions it once in the book. Kevin isn't like Neil. Neil was given a chance to escape. Kevin could never escape Evermore. Even if he did consider it his home, he was still abused on a daily basis. Riko mentions in Raven King, when he's about to torture Neil, that Neil is basically in the same position as Kevin once had been:

People forget that, Kevin probably had to live through what Neil did ever since Riko turned into his fucked up self. Which literally means years of physical and mental abuse, with no hope of escape but the bright future he had ahead of him. So what did Kevin do? He focused on playing.

Stop making Kevin all about being an Exy freak or an alcoholic. Kevin was so obsessed with Exy because it's the only thing he has ever known. He probably couldn't even drink before he escaped Evermore.

Imagine being torn between loving and clinging on the boy you once called brother because it's the only family you've known, and being hurt by him, again and again at a later age, having him shatter all you think you are good at. Riko didn't just break Kevin's hand. He almost took away from him all he thought he had left, and possibly the only way Kevin had of feeling close to his mother.

Kevin loses all he's ever known, and he blames himself for it at first because he thinks it's his fault that he even dared to show he could be better than Riko. He's in pieces and the only thing he does is to cling yet on another person. Aka Andrew. And somehow like this, we come back to the point about Kevin not only being far from an emotionless asshole, but actually being the most emotionally attached character in the series.

Entering the timeline of the books, Kevin appears as the epitome of a narcissistic asshole. It's fair for someone (as a reader) to not like him at first, when we don't know all that much about him. But as the story unravels, a clear distinction is made:

Kevin is not a narcissist. He's egocentric.

Kevin knows and truly believes he's the center of attention. Because, admittedly, he is. The books could had easily had Kevin as the protagonist. Like mentioned before, being raised on the spotlight, has had a tremendous impact on how he sees himself. He's obsessed with what image he's presenting to the public. I don't think he said 'being heterosexual is easier' without a reason. Kevin has led a life full of suppression. He can flash a 'press smile' for the cameras, he can snap and be cold at the Foxes, when in reality, he's suffering from severe PTSD, with panic attacks that he's handling in the worst way possible:

Alcohol. Why? Because the Foxes are all assholes and hypocrites. Don't get me wrong, I love them. But the fact that they just ignored Kevin everytime he had a panic attack and simply thrusted a bottle of vodka his way and called it a day? Inexcusable. Kevin needed a lot more than that.

Oh jeez, I wonder why he didn't tell Wymack he was his father all along.

If I see another person saying that Kevin was an ass for not telling Wymack straight up, I might slap a bitch. Do you think that Kevin would have been able to handle another rejection, another loss of a parental figure? All he did, was in self defense. Yes, it was selfish, but it was probably the only time in his life he could really make a choice on his own.

But you know what? Kevin overcame all this. Maybe and most probably not completely, he will never be able to wash away some stains, but he became more confident and emotionally independent. He detached himself both from Riko and from Andrew, and became the best striker in the history of Exy.

One of the reasons why I love Neil and Kevin - especially Kevin - is because their healing journeys are more fleshed out than Andrew's. But in this case, Kevin's was not really given the attention it deserved, it happened on the side lines and he had to do it alone. Neil had the foxes, had Wymack and Andrew. Kevin had no one, because the foxes, despite being assholes themselves, kept dismissing him and his problems. I really do believe that, in the first drafts when Kandreil was canon, Nora had potentially explored his character more. I wish we had gotten that instead of this sloppy attempt to squeeze in his ark along with Neil's.

I'll end this with some highlights that also showcase how badass Kevin is. He's a mess, but he does grow some spine when he finally becomes his own person:

Oof, if you actually read through this, thank you for tolerating my probably incoherent thoughts. I actually barely scratched the surface of my thoughts on Kevin's character but for now, this will do.

[plague-of-insomnia]

Lol I *hate* that post. Also like, most people don't read classic lit, and classic lit in general can be critized as being made up of primarily cis, white, straight men. Women and queer authors often have their works shuffled into YA. And fanfic?? Primarily made of of women and queer folk (and queer women). Which... is often what the reasoning is why it's targeted.

Also, children's lit and YA lit are some of the best works I've read. They deal with harsh topics. One of my favorite books from when I was a kid is Gossamer by Lois Lowry. My class read it in fifth grade (so like, 10 year olds) and it dealt heavily with abuse and coping with and recovery from trauma. The book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson also deals with very dark themes, and it's YA. (Also both very good books and I highly recommend each. Look up the trigger lists for them. When I say they deal with dark subjects, I mean it.)

Fanfic and YA are such broad categories, and to dismiss them shows a clear lack of true understanding of literature. Typically, when people say they dislike them, it boils down to bias against queer people, women, and romance as a genre (which was spear headed by, you guessed it, queers and women).

Also, there's nothing wrong with liking tropes. I like tropes. Everyone likes specific tropes. We've all just been copying off of one another since the beginning of art creation, and we will continue to do so. Just let people enjoy things ffs. Reading is for fun and creating fanfic is for fun. Just because I read or write something doesn't mean I want to base a master's thesis around it

[In reference to this post: TL;DR - people who only read fan fic/YA aren’t capable of understanding/analyzing complex themes bc they’re obsessed with tropes]

Oof! @gabedemon, this is all a really good point/addition to why that OP’s point was 😬.

Now I’ll confess I do not personally like YA as a general rule, largely for two reasons: 1) I don’t like reading about teens and 2) for a while EVERYONE and their grandparents were writing YA to try and hitch onto the bandwagon of popular novels turned films like Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, et al, and so a lot of people were writing stuff just to try and ride a trend rather than bc that’s what they should have been writing/what their story actually wanted.

However, you are 100% right that there are some amazing novels that fall into that broad category and are worth reading whether you’re 15 or 95 (or somewhere in between).

One of the best novels I read before my headache began (and I stopped reading novels 😞) dealt with some really heavy issues (it was focused on suicide) — and it managed to delve into complex mental illness (like BPD, borderline personality disorder) and suicidality in a really realistic and complex way while not glorifying it in anyway. I highly recommend it, if the topic isn’t too tough for you (general you) to deal with, Suicide Watch:

I definitely think you see queer authors and their stories forced into niche publishers or fan fic (I don’t know if I would say only YA here as I’ve read a ton of non-YA queer published fiction).

I think you have some people who are just “snobs” who think only “serious” “literary fiction” is worth reading and has any depth. Those people have probably never read a really good YA novel (I also recommend Freaks Like Us for one that tackles mental illness in a insightful way) or any fan fic at all. (Or if they have, it’s something like My Immortal.) So they make the assumption that all fan fic must be meaningless drivel (as if there isn’t plenty of that in mainstream, published adult fiction or other media for that matter).

They also forget that people read for different reasons, and like you said, not everyone wants to read something to write a master’s thesis on.

Some “pulp” stories, like the Sherlock Holmes tales, have survived and proliferated across time and languages because people find them entertaining and can identify with the characters in some way. (Ofc some people like to analyze those stories but not everyone does; in fact, most people don’t, and that’s perfectly fine.)

So I think you have the snobs who really aren’t looking at it from a “I must crush queer writers,” though ofc you’re absolutely right about the fact that bias still exists among readers and publishers.

As I mentioned before, trying to publish a novel with a queer MC or romance through one of the big ones is really difficult for the same reason we see plenty of queer baiting in film but very few actual queer stories. Publishers are afraid that those stories won’t sell, will offend and affect sales of other books, etc, etc,

So we see the proliferation of queer stories and writers in fan fic where people are free to write whatever they want. And that’s really wonderful, imo. (But I also hope we finally see more mainstream queer stories and authors/creators as well.)

And as for tropes, honestly that was the dumbest part of the whole argument. Tropes have always and will always exist bc there’s just some things we humans love to see over and over and over again. I’m sure you could label just about any “high” art with a trope of some kind. Just bc something can be distilled into tropes doesn’t mean that’s all it is. I mean, writing programs always talk about things like “the hero’s journey” or whatever and that’s a kind of trope, too.

Anyway, I’m gonna stop before I keep rambling 😅 but yeah I think you make some really great points/additions, and I absolutely think that “all generalizations are bad” 😅😂 and trying to make a sweeping assessment like that is ridiculous.

Kind of reminds me of how much scorn “genre” fiction has gotten (think mystery novels or romance novels or sci fi, etc) because it’s “shallow.” But that has begun to change, and I do think we’re slowly seeing the attitude toward fan fic changing…. Now, if only we could chuck all the antis and their puritanical BS out the door….

[owlsbride]

Icha Icha and Prejudice: The Book Club

Chapter IV: That Inner Voice

Eleven o'clock in the morning and Sakura was already upset. It was her first official vacation day, and it didn't start it as she had hoped. She had planned to sleep late, wake up in the most glorious and easy possible way with the felling of a long needy rested body. After all, she had to realise that Shizune and the Hokage were right, she needed to rest for a while, she was reaching the limits of her strength, and like this, she wasn't going to last long. So even if she was still a bit mad about the resolution, she finally came to terms with it, and it was ok.

What she has not been able to imagine was that after her furious outburst in the Hokage Tower, yesterday night, she would find herself immersed in a crazy game that Kakashi planned in less than a minute just to annoy her, disturb her, and of course, tease her. Dammed, he was smart. God, she hated that man.

'Yeah, tell yourself that till you believe it.'

Suddenly, she repeated Kakashi's recent message in her mind with a highly pitchy tone. It was not her sensei's voice, though.

'Hello there, Sakura.'

So she was back. After years of silence, her bitchy inner Sakura's voice came back to torment her mind and life. She turned on the bed, sinking her head in the pillow ready to grumble, and silent a scream of fury trying to escape from her frustrating throat. Perfect timing for the remarkable comeback. Perfect timing.

After her teen years, Sakura, under the Godaime tutelage, decided that inner Sakura was no longer necessary. She was pretty capable of analysing all the facts in front of her as well as her feelings, thoughts and attitudes, she no longer needed her alter ego to push her to act in this or that way, nor to show her the right path when she was lost. Generally, the correct direction of the inner Sakura was always the wrong one, but that she had only been able to see it after her failed attempt of relationship with Sasuke or any other man in the village.

The inner Sakura was impulsive, arrogant, prejudiced, and without a doubt much more daring than Sakura herself, and that did not suit her.

So, one morning, and just like that, the work, stress and the effort to make her inner voice disappeared went straight to the trash been, cause she was loudly back.

'Don't tell me that you didn't miss me.' the voice in her head said almost sad.

"No, I didn't. Not even a tiny bit." Great, now Sakura was talking to herself out loud.

'You are harsh with both of us, Sakura'

"No, I'm not. I worked hard for you to shut up, so, please..." Sakura pleaded.

'And yet, here I am.'

"What do you want?"

'The question is, what Do You want' annoying or not, inner Sakura's question was accurate and sharp. What was what she wanted?

"Arghh... fine! If you are here to stay, I hope, at least, for you to be useful."

'I'm all yours. Now get up, girl, we have things to do.'

Sakura finally accepted that the voice was back and resolved to went through everything with her in her mind. She didn't have much of an option, cause apparently, inner Sakura was not going to disappear any time soon. It was better to have a good relationship with her mind at this moment. Three weeks off was too much to think on her own. Maybe she had called her back. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism to go through her own personal hell with Icha Icha. Inner Sakura could be much more helpful with her sharp, bold thoughts. She was a natural teaser and a skilful trickster at times. She was the not so innocent part of her mind that incited thoughts that Sakura preferred to suppress. The inner Sakura's silence was what had allowed her not to have sex in all this time, putting all her libido in her work, making her see each man who passed by the hospital as an object of study and not as a possible good laid. Except maybe for Kakashi.

Hatake Kakashi, the Rokudaime, her Lord Sixth, her eternal sensei. The very same, that when he got sick or came back injured from a mission, he just wanted to be cared for by her. The one used to listen to her ramblings every day about new ideas, supporting all her projects. The one that one way or another was always by her side. Kakashi, the man with silver hair who aroused the entire village's curiosity and sighs even though no one, not even her, knew what was under the mask. The same man who could be severe enough to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but who also read Icha Icha in public and even dared to flirt with her without shame or openness.

'You're so into him.' Inner Sakura spoke again suppressing a laugh.

"Oh please, It's not like that." Sakura dismissed her.

'How long are you going to live in denial, Sakura?'

"What do you mean?"

'Can't you see it for your own?'

"No..."

'Thank god I'm here then.'

Sakura stopped the conversation with her inner self because she really needed a cup o coffee first. She had spent the first hours of her morning texting with Kakashi and talking to herself, and it was already exhausting. How was she supposed to survive both of them? Passing by her living room to the kitchen, Sakura directed her view to the orange book on the table. Sooner or later, she would have to start reading. But first thing first: Breakfast.

After almost half an hour, Sakura finally was ready to face her destiny and her thoughts.

'Are you ready?' Inner Sakura was jumping all over her mind like a child in a kermesse.

"I guess..." Sakura answered nervously sitting in her couch, crouching her legs and taking the book in her hands.

'Imagine the things he had done with that book' Her mind was torturous libidinous.

"Let's just don't think about it, ok?"

'Oh, come on, don't act as if you were a virgin Sakura... Just imagine, the shower, the couch, the bed...'

"Please, don't be grossed" Sakura answered blushing deeply. Something burning was forming inside of her, and she was sure it wasn't just her chakra.

'You slut, you have already thought about that. You are so hot with him.' Inner Sakura was celebrating.

"Shut up."

Chapter I: The sunset. The light was slowly extinguishing on the cornfields making the shadows that were projected throughout the space even more orange. The summer rain's soft scent had left a persistent sweet aroma mixed with the lavenders that were only a few meters from where she was standing. The heat and humidity created a soft layer of sweat on her body, mixing her own body scent with that of her surroundings. She knew that she must have run away as soon as she saw him arriving at the village. Instead, she only could make it to the cornfield, a familiar place for both of them.

So cliche, Sakura thought with a grin on her face. She was sure that Kakashi was having it way harder than her. Though she had to recognise that even if Jiraiya didn't have Jane Austen's prose, it wasn't that bad. So far, it was an easy, perfectly innocent reading.

'Really Sakura? is that what you are thinking? A neat prose?' Inner Sakura jumped in her mind again a bit upset because up to now Sakura wasn't able to find nothing too thrilling in the first pages. Sakura didn't pay her any attention and kept reading, she was starting to relax about this whole thing of Kakashi's little obsession. It wasn't that bad.

He followed her without hesitation. He knew he would find her staring at the horizon, waiting for the night breeze to cool her feverish skin. She had always liked to feel the summer wind run across her ivory skin, bristling the hair on her arms, making her shiver. Her tousled hair floating freely, like her thoughts. He knew he would find her there, and right there, he would claim her just for himself.

Sakura sighed, the things were already starting to heat up but in a really smooth and slow path. The Sannin knew how to build tension and, what she heard Ino said once, a good slow-burn romance scenario. Inner Sakura was in silence, and she was immensely enjoying the reading. Actually, she was starting to think that she could spend the entire day at home reading. After all, it wasn't that hard.

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

Sakura looked for her cellphone. Inner Sakura was already starting to complain about the interruption, but she suddenly stopped.

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:30 H.Kakashi: Yo!

18:30 H.Kakashi: What are you doing, Sakura?

Sakura didn't know if to answer and play difficult, Inner Sakura was highly excited about those short, silly messages. Of course, Sakura answered, she had to follow the inner lead.

18:32: Hello, Sensei

18:32: Reading, you?

Sakura didn't come back to the book. She just fixed her stare in the device in her hand.

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:35: H.Kakashi: And?

Kakashi wasn't going to answer her, she was sure. She would have to give him something first. She knew her sensei like the palm of her hand.

18:36: It's ok so far

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:36 H.Kakashi: What?

18:36 H.Kakashi: Just ok?

18:37 H.Kakashi: Do you even know how to read, Sakura?

Sakura burst to laugh out loud in her home alone. He was such a spoiled child.

18:40: Yes Hokage Sama, it's ok, I haven't read much yet.

18:40: What about you? Working? Reading?

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:41 H.Kakashi: Actually, both.

18:41: And?

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:42 H.Kakashi: Work, awful, reading, quite interesting.

18:42 H.Kakashi: Tell me, Sakura, is it possible?

Sakura asked herself what was he talking about, Inner Sakura, invited to re questioned him.

18:45: What?

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:46 H.Kakashi: To have five daughters and take care of all of them, in a simple civilian life, plus a wife and listen to them all the time talking without a stop

Sakura laughed again.

18:47: So... You are feeling bad for the poor Mr Benett, right?

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:47 H.Kakashi: Who wouldn't...

18:48 H. Kakashi: Listen Sakura...

And for a moment he didn't say anything more.

18:55: What now?

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

18:55 H.Kakashi: Would you like to have dinner? Unless you already have plans. We don't need to talk about the books, in fact, we don't have to talk at all

Sakura stood frozen. What was wrong with him. Even if it was just a simple text, she could read need in his words.

'Don't you dare to say no' Inner Sakura adverted, forming a fist with her imaginary hand.

19:00: Rough day?

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzt

19:00 H. Kakashi: You can't imagine.

Sakura smiled.

19:01: Then you'll have to tell me.

[joculatrixster]

What can you say about fans who ship Seamoon while also multi-shipping them with other characters, even the male characters? Sorry in advance if you find this too uncomfortable.

uh that's a no from me srry! if its with a nonbinary or female character its fine but unless the third is masc nb like rougefort or dark choco i dont think so, no offense to u and ur being very polite anon, but...ppl use the hc sea or moon r bi/pan or ship them with men to devalue their attraction to each other and their attraction to women, i know in a poly ship its obviously ur not devaluing them but keeping them strictly wlw until canon makes them show the same amount of care to a male character is what id suggest since again strictly lesbian characters who r not sexualized or identity ignored are hard to come by in media so taking 2 who seem to be that way and sandwiching a man in between them is like saying a lesbian relationship can include a man, ik that's not the intent but it will seem like ur implying that

now! I'm aware that moonfire is a thing, I'm aware ppl will ship the 2 with men no matter what i say, and sometimes a ship is a comfort even despite the reasons why it may be problematic, so anon what id suggest with that poly or any w/m/w or m/w/m poly with them is keep it private, don't post about it and if u make content for it only show ur friends who u trust, if u do post it do NOT post it in the seamoon tag and maybe put a disclaimer on it idk I can't police u and at the end of the day ppl will post and ship what they want no matter how much it could be problematic

I want to say also I'm not the CEO of seamoon I'm not even a lesbian I'm just taking what I've learned from my lesbian friends and from my own knowledge and trying to share some awareness about why seamoon is so special to many of us, other cookies have relationships near canon like rasprose or adventuerberry imo but there's a clear difference between mlw couples and wlw in the ways fanoms treat them

I don't think anyone is a bad person for not shipping it, I don't think anyone is bad for seeing them as aspec or think they r bad people for seeing moon or sea as mspec or even straight, but I do think it's iffy to ignore the real coding there and clear pining by sea especially considering how much shit lesbians go through because of men who think their only there to be sex objects for them or that their lesbian identity is gonna be cured by just getting some dick or think it's predatory for a woman to love another woman wich from what I've seen some fo these ideas r internalized by those who r against seamoon by saying things like "well it's not rlly canon plus they r just cookies who cares if the ship is baited!" or "tbh sea seems so creepy its obviously a one-sided obsession" or "well moon is just cuter with fire!!!"

and no I'm not uncomfortable it's ok to ask, there is such a lack of canon or near canon lesbian relationships in media i just would like to shed a light on why its important we respect the few we have already, id prefer ppl ask us shippers the why instead of dismissing us as crazy or annoying

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

(1/2) so, apparently most queer people, when they look back at their childhood, they see signs that they weren't straight then, but for me, when i look back at my childhood, i don't see any signs, and like, the realization i was bi came so suddenly, i was sitting with my friend, i looked at her and in a second i was like "shit i like her, i'm not straight" and also it was pride month so i've been seeing a lot queer stuff online

(2/2) and was a bit obsessed over lgbt community and i kinda wanted to not be straight back then and it makes me feel like my brain just tricked me into thinking i'm bi and i went with it and i've been faking my sexuality ever since

Not every queer person has the same experience growing up, not everyone realises their queerness in the same way and not everyone has the same coming-out process. Comparing your experiences to other narratives can be interesting but shouldn’t cause you to dismiss your own. What you have experienced is just as much a valid way of realising that you are bi as any other.

So you might not remember any childhood signs of queerness - so what? You’re queer now, aren’t you? You’re attracted to more than one gender, you like(d) your friend, you identify as bi. That’s queer. And being “obsessed” with the LGBTQIA+ community or a “very strong ally” is actually a huuuuuge common sign of being a closeted queer. As much as some cisgender straight people actually are good allies - an “obsession” with queerness is almost always a sign that a person is queer. But I wouldn’t call it an obsession, tbh. It’s more like you are desperately trying to connect to your people. You’ve found your community and you are trying to belong. Which you already do by virtue of being queer but with as much identity policing as there is, a lot of closeted queers don’t feel like they are “queer enough”.

Hence your fear of “faking it” which is yet another common aspect of internalised biphobia. In fact it is so common for bisexuals to be afraid of “faking bisexuality” that I’d say that is in and of itself proof that you are bi. Nobody can just subconsciously fake their sexuality. You would’ve had to make a conscious decision to do so, which I’m sure you didn’t. If you did you could just stop, right? But instead you are stressing out about it and literally scared of not really being bi? Well, if it scares you so much then that’s probably because you are bisexual. Actual straight people don’t mind being straight. But if you are afraid of being straight then chances are you’re not!

Why would your brain “trick you” into thinking you are bi? For what purpose? To be subjected to all the bullshit biphobia out there? To go thorugh a cycle of internalised biphobic thougts? Nah, nobody just tricks themselves into anything like that. You’re queer as a rainbow, kiddo. But you gotta work on your internalised biphobia so here’s some more advice about that.

Maddie

[mangadumpingground]

Now some background information on our two favorite girls:

Kurosawa Yurine

In the same class as Ayaka, she is a "genius" in a nutshell. Nobody can beat her and she usually spends her time sleeping. Yet one day, after Ayaka has helped her open herself a tiny bit, she falls in love and becomes obsessed with her, thinking she has found the one person who can best her.

The Ace: She is good at everything she does, be it in studies, sports, or even art. But since she succeeds at everything without even trying, she can't get invested in anything.

Animal Motifs: During her more excitable moments, she's drawn with dog ears.

Asleep in Class: Her default mode. If she's ever seen awake during class, it's because the teacher woke her up.

Caring Gardener: Her increasingly genuine interest in gardening parallels her growing sociability as the series progresses. She starts as an isolated girl who joined the gardening club more or less out of obligation, to a caring senpai who's willing to make friends and tries to make the gardening club prosper again. By the end of the series, she decides that she wants to become a florist.

Character Development: She has gained quite a few social skill points since the beginning of the series, and has become slightly less fixated on Ayaka alone (although she's still her main motivation). She even decides to join a club eventually. Chapter 22-23 is an important step, as for the first time, Yurine tries to interact with Ayaka not as a "rival" or a one-sided crush, but as someone she genuinely cares and worries for, giving her words of comfort that would have been unthinkable at the start of the series. Volume 7, being mostly from her point of view, emphasizes how much more fulfilling her life has become since she met Ayaka… and how much Ayaka, on the other hand, is still stuck in a state of mind not unlike that of the early Yurine.

Cool Big Sis: Sumire sees her as this, and well, she has reasons to.

Covert Pervert: She may not show it all the time, but in addition to their competition, she's also definitely curious of Ayaka's body.

Deuteragonist: She's as much of a protagonist as Ayaka, as a good chunk of the chapters about their relationship are from her own point of view. Her Character Development is also somewhat more noticeable than Ayaka's.

Ditzy Genius: Sure she can ace any test and learn at the speed of light, but that doesn't prevent her from occasionally being strangely clueless or taking odd actions − like trying to catch a paper stuck in a tree, even though it's obviously out of her reach and she's sitting on the second floor window.

Friendless Background: According to herself. In the first chapter, Chiharu notes that her excess of ability makes her hard to approach, and she is pretty distant herself. Though meeting Ayaka, Mizuki and Ai helped her open up it seems.

Green-Eyed Monster: Downplayed but clearly played straight. Yurine envies/admires Ayaka because she has a "role" in their school (see I Just Want to Have Friends below), and participates in life to a degree that Yurine can't.

Heavy Sleeper: Because she feels like she has nothing better to do than sleep, as she considers herself a bother for other people.

I Just Want to Be Normal: She's sick of people praising, relying on or being jealous of her because of her talent. All she wants is to find someone who will make her feel like an ordinary girl, and Ayaka is that person.

I Just Want to Have Friends: Played with. She wants to belong somewhere, but is too dismissive of (or possibly disillusioned from past experiences with) people to engage with them.

Innocently Insensitive: She's so apathetic about talking to anyone, for any reason, that she comes off as rude. By the end of volume 7, she has thankfully improved quite a bit in this department.

Insufferable Genius: Has shades of this when she rubs Ayaka's "no.2" ranking in her face just to piss her off.

Lonely at the Top: And one reason she falls in love with Ayaka is that, finally, someone seems to be able to (eventually) best her.

Luminescent Blush: In chapter 35, she sports this when Ayaka holds her hand (because Yurine forgot her gloves); and later, for the first time her teasing backfires as Ayaka's (supposedly reluctant) kiss completely makes her lose her composure.

Mood-Swinger: Usually aloof and bored, but whenever she is with Ayaka, she can go from euphoric to teasing to pouty to Cloud Cuckoolander, all in an instant. In any case, she is clearly in heaven just by being with her.

No Social Skills: Generally ignores people, doesn't censor her speech, often intrudes on Ayaka's personal space, etc. As of chapter 22, she's improved with regard to the latter.

Photographic Memory: Implied, as she can memorize an entire textbook page with one casual reading.

Too Much Information: She ogles Ayaka. We know this because she tells her.

The Gadfly: An expert at rubbing Ayaka the wrong way.

The Tease: She takes an intense delight in playing with Ayaka, often physically. It can go quite far, yet the latter shows surprisingly little resistance to it.

Single-Target Sexuality: She has eyes only for Ayaka and only seems to feel any kind of satisfaction when she is at her side. Though chapter 11 subverts this when Ayaka tells her that in the end, she would just love anyone who can beat her. Yurine's answer is that it might be true, to Ayaka's shock. Afterwards she herself starts to worry that her feelings for Ayaka may not go further than that.

"Shut Up" Kiss: Gives one to Ayaka in chapter 12, when the latter warns her that her club activities might detract her from the tests.

Supreme Chef: Par for the course. So supreme that she can cook while sleeping.

Took a Level in Kindness: Through her interactions with Ayaka, Ai, and the gardening club, she becomes considerably less of a jerk over time, although she still has her occasional bouts of teasing.

Shiramine Ayaka

A self-proclaimed "model student", she is obsessed with being the first at everything and thus sees her world turned upside-down when Yurine appears in high school.

Aggressive Submissive: Kind of. For all her defiance, Yurine can play her like a harp when she's in a flirtatious mood.

Armor-Piercing Question: She gives one to Yurine in chapter 11, but she's the one hit hard by Yurine's laconic answer.Ayaka: You say I'm special to you but… in the end, you would like anyone able to beat you, wouldn't you?" Yurine: *Beat*… You may be right.

Belligerent Sexual Tension: Not belligerent on Yurine's side, but on hers, definitely.

Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Subverted. When she's alone with people close to her like Mizuki or (though she hates to admit it) Yurine, she's quite aggressive and stubborn. But that doesn't mean the kindness and helpfulness she shows towards her classmates isn't genuine. The few times she has a supporting role in another girl's arc (mostly in volume 8 with Hikari and 9 with Mikaze), she appears much friendlier than when she's the focus.

Character Development: Chapter 15 shows that she has largely gotten used to Yurine's presence and has become somewhat more conscious and accepting of her sweet side. In any case she doesn't reject her as strongly as early on. Continued in chapter 23 where she lets Yurine spend the night with her on the beach, whispering what seems to be a "thank you" and kissing her forehead. At that point, while she still wants to defeat her, she no longer shows any desperation or anger about it. By chapter 40, her motivation has shifted from wanting to defeat Yurine so that she can forget about her to wanting to defeat her so that she can admit her own feelings to her.

Class Representative: Unsurprisingly, she seems to be this (at least in role).

Determinator: She will not give up until she has gotten her first place back from Yurine, and won't allow Yurine to give up either. By chapter 35 it actually has become a double-edge sword in their relationship: she refuses to bond with Yurine further as long as she hasn't defeated her, but at the same time she won't acknowledge any bond with her beyond their competition (despite obviously showing that she cares for her). This is the opposite situation from chapter 11 mentioned above, in a way.

Expressive Hair: Mostly in the early chapters, where they tended to float around a lot. It became more straight and static as the art got somewhat cleaner around volume 5.

Go-Getter Girl: Ayaka sees it as absolutely imperative to be the best at absolutely everything.

Good Angel, Bad Angel: Subverted, as their roles are reversed. The good angel tells her to focus on being the best and reject Yurine at all costs; the bad angel tells her that Yurine isn't a bad person and that there's nothing wrong with being friends with her.

Hidden Buxom: She turns out to be far more busty than she seems in her uniform. She's apparently a D-cup according to Yurine.

Not So Different: It's not as immediately obvious as with Yurine, being the School Idol and helping various people around at school, but as we go on it's increasingly clear that she doesn't have any actual friends either. Mizuki even sarcastically points it out in chapter 18.In another sense, during Ayaka's Heroic BSoD she acts antisocial and listless, much like Yurine's default state. Again, this is pointed out by Yurine herself (who had some Character Development in the meantime) in chapter 35.

Out of Focus: Despite technically being a protagonist, there are actually very few chapters from her point of view (if you don't count the extras). Chapter 1 and 2, chapter 11, half of chapter 15, chapter 22-23, chapter 40 and that's pretty much it; in other chapters she only appears for a few pages, if at all, and volume 7 is primarily centered on Yurine with Ayaka in a supporting role. It doesn't help that, rather ironically, Ayaka almost only interacts with Yurine (and sometimes Mizuki) while Yurine herself intervenes in other characters' arcs. This only changes in the last two volumes, where she briefly gives advice to Mikaze in volume 9 and finally gets full focus in volume 10.

School Idol: And that's her pride, even if Yurine is no.1 in grades.

Second Place Is for Losers: She does not take losing to Yurine by three points lightly.Mizuki: Why does it bother you so much to be second? It's awesome. Ayaka: Yeah, for someone like you who is around the 150th place, being first or second probably doesn't make much of a difference!

Smart People Wear Glasses: She occasionally sports these when studying.

Tareme Eyes: Art Evolution made her distinctively drooping eyes more prominent, making her look somewhat less aggressive in later volumes. It might also serve to outline her bad eyesight.

Tsundere: While she usually shows an admirable façade at school, she shows a more aggressive side when alone with Mizuki, and completely loses her composure when it comes to Yurine. She can admit she is awesome and can't help but look at her constantly, but refuses to acknowledge that she's attracted to her. Made more amusing by the fact that even Yurine herself can see it. Interestingly though, that dynamic starts to be reversed in volume 7-8, where Yurine is now the one losing her composure while Ayaka calmly listens to her worries.

Well Done Daughter Girl: Implied in a flash-back, where her mother scolds her because she got "only" 95/100 at a test, while Mizuki's mother praises her for getting an 88. And confirmed in chapter 22 where Ayaka breaks down under the pressure and decides to say "screw that, I no longer care if I'm not the best".

Workaholic: She will study to death and work harder than any student, but she admits than she doesn't really have a precise goal beyond "being no. 1". This seems to come at least partly from her mother's overly high expectations.

[alastanor]

To start, I would like to thank @cis-het-angel-kinnie for bringing this video to my attention, even if it was to praise the video rather than to point out it's flawed arguments against Charlie for main character.

If you have not seen the video yet, I recommend giving it a watch prior to reading this or you may be confused.

Click to read more...

What Is A Protagonist?

I am not bringing up this question because I think the source used was incorrect. However, the statement that "protagonists ask questions and antagonists make arguments" is an oversimplification of both roles. And I am going to explain why.

The trope of protagonist vs antagonist is an age old theme which has been used countless times throughout storytelling's history in books, plays, films, and story-driven video games. As such, the definition of both roles has continued to flourish and evolve over time. It is no longer good vs evil.

While @diregentleman used books written by, I assume, published writers for his argument, I am going to use Creative Writing and Literary Experts from a Masterclass article.

In the article, a protagonist is described as this:

"In storytelling, a protagonist is the main character or principal character or group of characters in a story."

More than one character is capable of being an antagonist in this story. Given that demons are meant to be redeemed, fitting the theme of the story, it is fair to surmise that all (or the majority of) the demons surrounding Charlie are protagonists in some form.

The article goes on to state that the protagonist's goals reflect the overall story goals and the plot moves forward based on their decisions.

This being said, Charlie's overall goal reflects the premise of the story, that being that Hazbin Hotel is a story about redemption. This is a goal that Angel Dust does not have.

In DireGentleman's video, he claims Angel Dust joined the Happy Hotel with the intention of being redeemed, albeit skeptical whether it could actually be done. This is actually inaccurate, and we see this in both the pilot and the comic.

Angel does display skepticism straight from the gate, but when they explain their reason for approaching him (that no one else has agreed), he makes this face:

Does that really look like someone who believes redemption may be possible? But for further establishment of just how little Angel believes redemption is possible, Angel also laughs them off and calls their goal "lame."

The only reason Angel agrees to Charlie and Vaggie's proposition is because it is a rent free place to stay. He admits as much just a bit further into the comic. By the end, Angel says "Redemption, it's silly. Huh, Nuggs."

The tone we are led to believe he uses is one of contemplation and relief. Relief due likely to the fact that there is some light at the end of the tunnel to the shit situation he was in.

This is just comic evidence, of course. If we go to the pilot, when Angel is engaging in the turf war with Cherri Bomb, he explains that he is using Charlie and Vaggie for free rent. Further exemplified when he later asks if participating in the turf war meant he didn't have a free room anymore. But also in his conversation with Cherri, he also admits that he is still taking some drugs behind Charlie and Vaggie's back. Something that we see immediately toward the opening of the pilot when Angel buys a bag of Angel Dust.

Character Dynamic

I cannot emphasize this enough, the Hunicast is NOT a good exemplifier for character dynamics. Every single "character interaction" is based on fanon, not canon, and they are prompted by the fans themselves. Only Viv really knows exactly how Angel and Alastor would canonically interact. It is no better a source for character dynamic than the wiki is for accurate information. IE, some things may hold true, but the majority of it is not and it is better just to wait until it is confirmed canon.

Moving on...

There is a lot of focus on Valentino as a main antagonist, based entirely too much on the hope that Angel will be the main protagonist. And this is really just disingenuous when you consider there are two other implied Overlords, as well as several other sources of strife within the world of Hazbin Hotel.

An Antagonist is someone working against the protagonist to prevent them from achieving their goal. Alastor would not meet this criteria, as he is a self-professed observer and conflict creator. But he is not a main antagonist. Someone working against the goal of redemption could be anyone from the Overlords (which, far as we know, would include Valentino), Lucifer, or even Heaven itself.

Where antagonists come into play, quoting Masterlist once again, I think these two types of antagonists were overlooked:

A conflict-creator. An antagonist doesn’t have to be a “bad guy.” Sometimes, they’re just a character whose goals are in direct conflict with the protagonist’s, like Mr. Darcy in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice or Javert working to arrest Valjean in Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables.

The protagonist themselves. The main source of conflict in a story can be from within the protagonist themselves—their shortcomings or insecurities are keeping them from reaching their goal. A prime example of this is Holden Caulfield in J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye. While Holden comes into conflict with many characters in the novel, the ever-present antagonizing conflict comes from his own obsessions and insecurities.

Now, why did I bring up these two types? Well! I'm glad you asked! You see, where conflict-creator comes into play would line up more with Alastor. He isn't really the bad guy, but he does create some friction where his goals meet with Charlie's. He is a professed observer, but it is strongly believed that there is something else, another goal, that he has omitted.

As for the Protagonist themselves, this lines up pretty strongly where Charlie is concerned. You could argue that it does for Angel too, but Angel's goal, as mentioned before, is not Redemption. That goal is Charlie's, and hers alone. Yet it is her naivety, inexperience, and insecurities surrounding her failures as a princess that are holding her back from achieving her goal. Going by this, not only do we have multiple protagonists, but we also have multiple antagonists.

"So far, no one else's past is wrought with tension like Angel Dust's."

Even if this wasn't a sweeping, dismissive statement made with limited information, it would still be incorrect. Why? Because each and every character in Hazbin Hotel is going to have their own story to tell. Stories that will each be as relatable and wrought with tension, the only reason we know Angel so extensively is because Viv put the most work into him. She has admitted that Alastor and Angel were characters she wrote based on past dealings and experiences she had. Let those implications sink in a bit.

Now, to further this, people don't need to empathize with a character to like them. They can sympathize as well, even if they personally cannot relate to the emotions the character is feeling.

And where Angel is concerned, he is not addicted to drugs. Angel has used drugs to escape the pain of his trauma. His response in the pilot to having his drugs stolen from him is not one of a typical addict. Which leads us to believe the drugs are simply a coping mechanism more than they are an addiction.

Real Audience for Hazbin is 12 to 16

I would really fucking hope you are joking. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that this was said by someone who isn't a parent. While yes, kids will be sneaky and watch or play things they're not supposed to, a show with drug use/abuse, rape, sex, physical/mental/emotional abuse, and suicide is as much for them as Rick and Morty.

Further, it is not just these themes that make the show for adults. It is the format of the storytelling. Yes, you can complain about what you consider issues with the pilot. But at the end of the day, it did it's job. It established the story premise, introduced important characters (Fat Nuggets does not fall in that category, calm down), gave a basic understanding of their relationships to each other, and get the audience interested in continuing the series. Considering the views for the pilot and the resulting disproportionate growth of the fandom, I would say it did that in spades.

Hazbin Hotel is not Steven Universe. I cannot say this enough times, and the reason I cannot is because I cannot tell you how many times I have come into contact with the underage side of the fandom griping about lack of lore, griping about lack of production information, and overall being exceedingly impatient. At the risk of sounding like an old miser, the underage side of the fandom has never had to wait for additions to a series. Like waiting for Homestuck updates, or the new release of a Harry Potter novel. They have had a steady schedule of content, along with shows that give exposition dumps "in the first 3 minutes."

So don't look at Hazbin Hotel through the lens of kids' show fandoms. It has so much more to offer than that.

Alastor vs Valentino

No, this is not about whether Alastor could beat up Valentino. In the video, DireGentleman pulled a huge pet peeve of mine and lumped Valentino and Alastor together, labeling them both "monsters." Which is opening a huge can of worms for me. So, I will give a brief summary of why that is wrong, and provide a link to one of my other posts for deeper diving.

So, there is a reason why Valentino is more hated than Alastor is. Lumping them together is a mistake.

Valentino is a pimp that abuses and manipulates his victims through intimidation and (implied through) some kind of addiction to the red smoke (whether that is real or symbolism is yet unknown). He takes who and what he wants, be damned the consequences or who gets hurt. He is incredibly self-serving, with no consideration for anyone else. He uses people like pawns, and when those pawns refuse to do what he wants, what does he do? He forces them to do it anyway.

By comparison, while Alastor may use his people like pawns, he also has more consideration for them and doesn't abuse them (far as we can tell). The evidence to support this is the attitude of those serving under Valentino vs those under Alastor. Niffty and Husk both seem to not have a problem with Alastor, and where Husk is concerned it seems that his attitude toward Alastor is their typical banter. But definitely nothing that displays abuse. In fact, when Husker is hesitant or even refusing to do as Alastor asks, Alastor doesn't force Husker. He offers payment in the form of something Husker genuinely likes.

Now, while some might argue this is also manipulating through addiction, one could look at it this way. However, Alastor didn't make Husker an alcoholic. That was Husker's vice to begin with, Alastor simply has no intention of fixing it. After all, Alastor has said he doesn't think anything can change a sinner.

For further explanation and delving into Alastor, click here.

Parents don't 'get' Charlie = Disney Princess

Once again, we fall upon the slippery slope of disinformed statements. While the joke was made that the princess of hell expresses herself best through song, parent issues do not equate to being something that is relatable primarily or only to kids and teens. It's kind of offensive that there is a sort or implication in this statement that adults don't have issues like insecurities surrounding their own failures, or parent issues like what Charlie has or worse. And once again, we fall into the empathize vs sympathize realm and I once again will say that the audience does not need to empathize with the protagonist to make them a good protagonist.

Charlie is a failed princess, her people don't respect her and didn't even prior to her hotel announcement. Yes, she is sheltered and naive. Likely due to how little she was able or allowed to interact with sinners. After all, her ex-boyfriend was from another hellborn family. One that, from what we can surmise, interacts rather frequently with the Magne family.

And it is because of this naivety and inexperience that her method to redeem sinners will not work.

In the video, DireGentleman states that we can pretty much assume that Charlie's redemption methods will work. But her methods, as we see in her song, is to inject demons with meds and take away/burn their vices. She is seeking immediate resolutions to problems that require therapy and a long process that should be making sinners want to change. All Charlie is currently accomplishing is earning the ire and scrutiny of her people. This is why I previously mentioned that Charlie is both protagonist and antagonist, as she is getting in her own way to accomplishing the goal of redemption. And this is where we find that Charlie meets the "starts out being wrong" requirement mentioned in the video as well as "admiring a character for trying."

Charlie is also in a perfect position to be the tour guide for us, the audience, as we observe the metamorphosis of every demon who needs to be redeemed. She is, once again, surrounded by those who need to be redeemed which means we will witness every character arc. This includes Angel, who does not need to be the central focus for us to witness his story.

Finally...

It was stated, or at least implied, that Hazbin Hotel's pilot is no longer relevant. This is a statement that pretty much leaves me puzzled. The only way it would be irrelevant is if Hazbin went in a completely different direction, and we have no reason to believe it will. Vivziepop is still creative director for Hazbin Hotel, and A24 is notorious for giving creators their creative freedom. What A24 is doing is animating, making VA regulations, and ensuring there is an air tight lid kept on the project. Especially given it's popularity in such a short amount of time.

Contrary to what DireGentleman said, Hazbin Hotel will definitely live up to it's hype. Being picked up by A24 will not compromise the show simply because it's not in the same realm of indie production that Helluva Boss is. And it's a bit unfair to Vivziepop to imply as much.

In Conclusion...

Please do a bit more digging in regards to not only the show, but everything surrounding it. Don't lump fanon and canon together and expect them to be equal sources, and please do not claim an obviously adult-audience show is more fit for children and teens.

And lastly, please do more digging to better understand media and storytelling. Reading books is great, but what you were using as the foundation for your arguments were far too simplified and vague,, given the complexity of the protagonist and antagonist roles. Overall, the video just came across as one huge helping of Angel Dust bias with a side of strong dislike for Charlie.

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Catching Up

After several weeks, my crazy friend texted me again, even though she had the last word. I never bothered to explain my frustrations any further. I debated answering her, but I knew it would inevitably put me back into the cycle of not being able to be honest (even after I WAS honest with her), because she was so dismissive of that. I had a slight urge to hang out with her again, just so I could vent about another unrequited crush. But I know that not talking to her is what's best for me. I'm not interested in hearing her talk about men for several hours straight, and pass on her insecurities to me. It's so obvious she was hanging onto this friendship because of how non-threatening I was to her. If she had apologized, I would've accepted her offer to hang out and catch up.

I'm constantly frustrated about how infantilized I am that I didn't realize most of it really is my fault; I don't speak up enough because it still terrifies me. If I can control anything, though, it should be this. I should only entertain relationships that bring me joy, that don't cause me anxiety- not the ones where I am constantly hiding the way I truly feel and brushing my worries aside and letting people walk all over me.

I do miss having another friend to hang out with. I miss feeling excited about new plans in my life, because I really only have one friend, and I understand that we're both busy adults.

I also wanted to vent about how my coworkers invited me to eat after work with them twice and they didn't bring it up again, so I took it as them not wanting me to go anymore. I genuinely can't tell if they're intentionally trying to ostracize me, though. There is something mean-girl-y about them. I don't like that they make fun of and talk shit about everyone. I can only imagine what they say about me.

As much as this brings up old childhood wounds of being left behind, it doesn't bother me as much as it should. I felt relieved because this meant that I wouldn't feel the pressure of performing the way I usually do when I'm in any outside-of-work setting with coworkers, or with new friends, really.

I forgot to mention that I recently experienced an active shooter situation at work. I'll make a separate post about that. Long story short, it was the last time I saw him. It has been almost two weeks. I see that his locker is still occupied, but he probably quit. I felt deeply disappointed and regretful that I managed to sabotage another possible connection. But I am too terrified of rejection, and I heard he has a girlfriend. And I can't crush on yet another coworker, it's getting old and pathetic. It doesn't help that I see his name and his car when I realize that I'm not thinking about him, because I am constantly thinking about him. I'm trying to get over him and accept that this wasn't as deep as I thought. Part of me is crushed that I kept dreaming about him and seeing signs, only for it to end like this. I feel like I was let down by the universe, like so much for nothing. Why would they make me learn a lesson when I never even got to experience anything?

However, I'm proud of myself for not consuming so many tarot videos like I was obsessively doing for the past couple of weeks. I don't want to get my hopes up anymore. Getting to know your coworkers personally is disappointing anyway, and it complicates everything. So I should be thankful I haven't really gotten entangled with anyone. I often say that I was meant to be alone, and I think that is truly what will always work out for me.