#but i also really want to get to the next chapter because that's going to be fun!!!!

[nereidprinc3ss]

do you believe me now? | 4

in which spencer reid and inexperienced fem!reader are interrupted at the most inopportune of times. he calls you on the first night of his case. dirty talk turns into a hard conversation. we get a glimpse into spencer's past, and we finally learn why he's so hesitant to sleep with you.

part one | part two | bonus chapter | part three

18+ (smut) warnings/tags: dirty talk, phone sex/mutual masturbation, softdom!spence, obligatory he talks u through it, lots of graphic discussions of sex, established relationship, angst (sorrryyy!) a/n: so remember how i said you'd need the bonus chapter to fully appreciate/understand this part? i was wrong!! it will come in handy probably in the next part tho:) also idk how these parts keep getting so long im sorry! anyway, i love you all so bad. thank you for bearing w/ my craziness. PLEASE let me know your thoughts on this part!! i adore hearing from you!! kisses

(also special thank you to @fliesforeyes who convinced me phone sex w/ spence could be done!! i will link his phone sex blurb here :)) thank u binx!!

“Three million six hundred eighty four thousand three hundred thirty two times fourteen million seven hundred sixty one thousand nine hundred seventy one.”

You’ve lost count of how many stupid math questions you’ve asked your human calculator boyfriend, just to see if he can actually do them. Spencer is silent for a second, and you think you’ve finally stumped him. 

“That one is complicated.”

You sit bolt upright in his bed, looking down at him and pointing an accusatory finger. His brows raise at the manic look in your eye. 

“You don’t know.”

“I do know. I meant it would be hard to explain if you aren’t a math person.”

“Bullshit!” You scoff, “you don’t know!”

“It would display on a calculator as five-point-three-eight-eight-E-thirteen. It’s a really big number.”

“Oh, really big, huh?” you mumble, searching for your phone blindly in the sheets and scrambling to open the calculator app. “Um… what numbers did I say?”

Spencer repeats them back to you and you press the equals sign. 

You look at it. 

And then you set your phone down. 

“I was right, huh?” he smiles up at you, probably reveling in your pouty wrongness. 

Too proud to admit it, you collapse on top of him, burying your face in his shoulder. 

“I don’t like this game anymore. What the fuck even is an e? Why are we doing algebra?”

Spencer laughs, brushing your hair aside. 

“The e stands for exponent. It’s to the power of ten.”

“Ever heard of a rhetorical question?”

“Yes, I have.”

It’s hard not to snort even at his dumbest jokes. 

“You’re annoying. Let’s do something else.”

You roll over onto your back again, letting your head flop over to look at Spencer, whose hair is exactly the right amount of messy after a long day, falling in impossibly soft waves over the perfect lines and contours of his face. Despite lounging, he’s still in his suit from work—he’d left Quantico and immediately picked you up. There were no solid plans for the evening, so after both of you pretended that you wanted to go out for a while, you ended up back at his apartment. 

He looks good. Almost too good. 

“Something like what?” he smiles lazily, reaching over and tracing his fingers over your cheek. 

“Something… naked?”

His grin widens and he shakes his head. 

“Me naked or you naked?”

Pretending to think about it, you roll your bottom lip between your teeth. 

“Mm… why not both?”

“Hm. Why do I feel like I know where this is going?”

The mattress sinks underneath your elbow as you prop yourself up, dropping your head over Spencer’s to kiss him. 

“Because you’re so smart, and you think it’s a great idea.”

He entertains your kiss for a moment. Just a moment.

“You sound sure of yourself.”

“Because I am!” You finally give in to your impulses, tangling your fingers in his hair and looking at him meaningfully. “It doesn’t make any sense for us to have not had sex. I don’t care about any of your weird, cryptic moral reasoning.”

He grabs your wrist carefully. 

“It is not moral,” he scoffs. “We haven’t even talked about it yet.”

“Really? Because I feel like we’ve talked about it a lot.” 

He begins to reply, but you realize you don’t want to get into a debate over whether you’ve technically talked about it yet. “I don’t even care! If that’s all that’s standing in your way, then let’s talk about it. Right now.”

Spencer sighs, his eyes darting between yours as he reaches up to cradle your cheek. 

“Fine. But I have things to say you’re not going to like.”

“So business as usual?”

He rolls his eyes. You allow yourself a tiny self-satisfied smirk, forever relishing in his poorly-hidden soft spot for your constant teasing. Spencer ignores this. Which is probably for the best. 

“I know you probably won’t see it this way, but—sex is different than everything else we’ve done so far. It can be really fun, obviously it feels good, it facilitates deeper feelings of connection—that’s all true. Which is why, in my opinion, it’s incredibly important that you be selective with who you sleep with. Because it’s so easy to do something you regret, and sex is vulnerable. It should always be with someone you trust and—and… care about.”

A pink flush stains his cheeks like watercolor as he stumbles over the last few words. It makes your heart flutter against the confines of your chest.

Maybe best not to think about the absence versus presence of certain four-letter words and what they may or may not mean. You’ll move on to more pressing matters and pretend like it doesn’t ache just a little in your whole body. 

You cover his hand with your own. 

“Are you going to break up with me anytime soon?”

Spencer’s eyes widen, filling with genuine horror and confusion. 

“What? No!”

“Are you going to cheat on me?”

“Absolutely not, I—”

“Then I’m not going to regret it. Issue resolved. Moving on.”

“Honey, I just want you to be 100% sure that I’m what you want.”

“Oh my god,” you groan, flopping onto your back once more. “I have begged you to sleep with me on multiple occasions. We have been dating for months and I liked you even longer before that. I think about it literally every time I see you. I don’t know how to be any surer.”

It’s quiet for a moment as you study the imaginary pattern on the ceiling. The rebuttal you’d been anticipating doesn’t come—instead, the mattress shifts next to you. Spencer enters your field of vision, now leaning over you with a little smile on his face that gives you butterflies. 

“Every time?”

“…yes, every time,” you agree, voice considerably thinner than it had been a moment ago. Spencer glances at your lips as he speaks. 

“Interesting. And what is it that you think about exactly?”

You groan again, attempting to roll facedown, but he pins your shoulder to the bed. The way he’s sweetly kissing down your cheek and jaw is infuriating because you know it’s a false pretense. 

“Ugh, I don’t know! Don’t make me answer that!”

“You said if talking about it was all that was standing in my way, we would talk about it. Now I want to talk about it. Come on,” he says, voice low and cloying against your throat as he attempts to tease the answer out of you. “Tell me what you think about when you think about us having sex.”

You let out a shaky breath at the feeling of his lips skimming your neck, hating how easily he can reduce you to this. 

“I… I always wonder what it will feel like. Sometimes I wonder if it will hurt.”

Spencer sighs, interrogation by way of seduction momentarily forgotten. You silently curse yourself for saying something so un-sexy. 

“It might, sweetheart. That’s one of the reasons we’ve held back. I… really don’t want to hurt you. I don’t even know if I can.”

You grab his face in both hands, forcing him to look at you with more confidence than you feel. 

“Sometimes I worry about it, too. But I like you a lot more than it scares me. I still want to.”

He kisses your palm. 

“You’ll be okay. It doesn’t hurt for everyone, and even if it does, you’re resilient.”

“Exactly. So you have to get over yourself.”

Spencer laughs like he wasn’t expecting to, eyes sparkling as he regards you.  

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe I do.”

He’s smiling again as he leans down and kisses you—a slow, lingering thing which tastes like spearmint as you part your lips for him. 

“Please?” you whisper against him after a long moment. He hums, keeps kissing you. 

“What is it that you think you want? You don’t even know what you’re asking for.”

“Tell me,” you beg, chasing his lips. “Tell me what you’re going to do with me. We can talk about it. This is talking about it.”

Spencer exhales deeply, wedging a thigh between yours. Immediately you clamp around it, trying not to grind against him too overtly. 

“You want to know what I’d do to you?”

“Yes—” you paw at his jacket. Surprisingly, he doesn’t stop you from pushing it off. Your heart pounds. 

“Well… we both know how anxious you get,” he muses, pressing his lips so delicately to your fluttering pulse-point in emphasis, and then back to your mouth. His thigh pushes harder against you to supplant the absence of his lips as he speaks, though he kisses you sporadically and between sentences. “You’re hard to get out of your head when you’re nervous, you know that? I watch it happen. One minute you’re with me, and then you start overthinking, and getting self-conscious. The only thing that seems to relax you is letting me touch you—so first I would touch you like I’ve touched you before. I’d make sure you know how pretty you are and how good you deserve to feel.” You whimper inadvertently at his words, arching into him and grinding against his leg as he pauses to kiss the sensitive soft spot below your jaw. “You’re going to need to be really ready to let me in. Do you know what I mean by that?”

As he asks, he pushes his thigh against you harder. Your body responds immediately, arching into him and seeking more friction. When you squeak, he takes it as a no. 

“I mean I need you relaxed and wet. You’ll excuse my crude language.”

You pull at his tie, breathing heavier now and so turned on it’s almost painful. 

“What are you gonna do after that?”

“What else is there to do but fuck you after that?” he breathes. “You want me to tell you how I’d fuck you?”

Something about it makes you whine salaciously. You’ve heard him curse—you’ve even heard him talk about fucking you. But it feels more real now; when it’s low in your ear and you’re covertly undressing him and he’s pushing your shirt over your stomach promisingly. 

“Yes, please.” 

He hums against your jaw, nipping and brushing his lips over the skin as he considers. Leaves you waiting. 

“I would have to take my time with you. You’ll be overwhelmed. I know you think you won’t, but you will. I’m going to have to be so, so careful with you, angel. It’s going to drive me insane. But it will feel good for you.”

“Why careful? I don’t want that.”

He chuckles. A chill runs down your spine. 

“Yeah, you do. You’re going to want me to be careful when I’m—” he pauses, pressing his thumb to your bare lower tummy and dragging up to a spot below your belly button. He presses down lightly again. “Right here. Approximately.”

The surface of the sun has nothing on the temperature of your skin in this moment, as you writhe underneath him in both arousal and embarrassment. Mostly, burning need. You feel almost sick with it. 

“Please don’t make me wait anymore. Just do it, please, Spencer. I need it to be you, I don’t want it to be anyone else. I promise I’m ready.”

It’s silent for a moment. Your heart quickens. You sense his walls wearing away, his instinct to keep you intact for god knows what reason crumbling. He’s finally going to give you what you’ve been begging for. 

Spencer opens his mouth, eyes glimmering—

And then his phone rings. 

You both freeze—he melts dejectedly before you do, more accustomed to an ill-timed phone call and realizing the finality it can present. 

He’s breathing heavily against your neck, as if maybe whoever it is will just hang up. But the phone keeps ringing. 

“I’m sorry.”

Your stomach sinks as he sits up, grabbing his phone from the side table and rubbing circles on your inner thigh as he answers.

“This is Reid,” he says, lackluster. 

If you wanted, you could hear what Penelope is saying—but you don’t bother listening. It’s going to be a case. Spencer is about to leave. The details are his problem. 

“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour.”

He hangs up, tossing the phone onto the mattress and not speaking for a moment, just continuing to rub your leg apologetically. Watching you almost mournfully—taking in your disheveled hair, your likely blown-out pupils, the shirt pushed almost over your chest. 

“I have to go right now,” he finally manages with a heavy sigh, gently pulling your shirt back into place. 

You sit up, shedding all the hopes that had been building for the evening, and try to sound chipper—though all you feel is bitter disappointment that goes deeper than you understand. 

“I know. Go ahead, I can get a cab home.”

He frowns, running his hand over the back of your hair. 

“I don’t love the idea of you standing on the sidewalk waiting for a car in this part of town so late. Do you just want to stay here for the night and go home tomorrow?”

You force a smile. Great. So you’ll be spending the night in his bed after all—just without him. 

“Sure. Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of you are feeling particularly grateful. 

Soon you’re walking him to his own door. Both of you come to a stop in front. 

“I’m sorry,” he sighs again. 

“Spencer, it’s fine. It’s your job. You don’t need to apologize. You were very clear about this part when we started dating.”

“I know, but… it’s easier in theory than in practice.”

You smile. If Spencer is a reflection of you, it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. His hair is still messy from your fingers running through it and he’s missing his tie. You hope all his coworkers see and feel bad about taking him away from you. 

But it’s not their fault. You just want someone to blame. 

Instead you mould yourself to his body, wrapping around him like you belong there. He returns your embrace, pressing his lips into the crook of your shoulder and rubbing your back in that way he always does with you. 

In that moment, your affection for him becomes so profound it’s like a chemical reaction—everywhere he touches burns and you love him so fucking much it aches in every inch of your body the way your muscles do when you have a bad fever. Love is the most terrible of afflictions, you realize. It is a fever dream. It’s every fiber of your being screaming to tell him how you feel, to beg him on your knees not to go because you love him like a child loves a parent or a bee loves honeysuckle or the ocean loves the horizon. Pared down to your most basic components, the barest version of yourself, you require him. Your soul needs his soul. 

“Spencer?”

“Hm?” 

It’s nothing more than an absentminded hum against your skin. 

“I…”

Should you be looking him in the eye when you say this? Should you say it right before he has to leave? Just because you say it doesn’t change the fact that he’s about to be gone for several long days. Maybe this is a terrible time to admit something that suddenly feels so true and so consequential. 

He senses your internal conflict, pulling back despite your resistance and holding your face between his hands. 

“You what?” He murmurs, soft eyes bouncing back and forth between your own. Fuck—you feel so observed, now. Like he can read your mind. 

“I forget.”

FUUUUUUCK. 

Spencer blinks. Processes. You watch the disbelief crystallizing over his eyes like ice freezing over a lake. 

He knows. 

He knows you didn’t forget, and he probably knows what you were going to say, and he’s going to tell himself he was wrong to spare your dignity. 

Everything hurts when he kisses you. You wonder what regret tastes like. 

“Well, let me know if you remember.”

It’s too gentle and at the same time he can’t hide the edge with all the tenderness in the world. You nod as if in a trance, already looking forward to dissociating as you lie in bed and stare at the dark ceiling.

Two small goodbyes are exchanged, slightly stifled now, as if shared between drunk strangers who have sobered up and are mutually embarrassed about how candidly they’d interacted before. 

You close the door behind him, doing up all the locks, and meticulously flick every light switch in the apartment off before climbing into his bed—though you don’t really feel like you deserve to be there anymore.

But perhaps this is all an overreaction. It’s not like you owe it to him to say I love you, or anything—it was bad timing, anyway. And why can’t he say it? In fact, why hasn’t he said it? 

Maybe you have it all wrong. 

Maybe he doesn’t feel that way about you. 

You fall asleep before you allow these questions to make you sick. 

24 hours go by. 

24 hours go by and you really had meant to leave his apartment—it was just that you woke up late, and your phone was dead so you couldn’t call a car, so you charged it while you made breakfast, and then you ate, and then you decided to take a shower and wash your clothes, and then it was two in the afternoon and you hadn’t left yet and you decided to walk to the store and replenish the groceries you’d used up. 

Maybe you got a bit distracted looking at flowers and other beautiful things at the market and by the time you got home it was 5:00, so you decided to wait until seven to skip rush hour. And then eight, just to be sure. 

Before you know it, it’s midnight, and you’re dozing off in his bed again (teeth cleaned with the brush you’d bought at the store—maybe this whole situation hadn’t been entirely unwitting on your part.)

Throughout the day, you tried to let all your anxiety about the previous night melt away. If it’s something that needs to be addressed, Spencer will address it. Everything will work out in the end. That thought is how you’re able to doze off. 

You’re almost asleep when your phone lights up and begins buzzing on the side table. You wince as your eyes open, not adjusting well to the harsh bright display and unable to discern who’s even calling you at this hour. Stupidly, probably because you’re half asleep, you answer without checking. 

“Hello?”

Your voice is groggy, quiet with sleep. 

“Shit, did I wake you?”

“Spence?” you whisper, stomach flipping at the sound of his voice on the other line. You feel caught, still sleeping in his bed. 

“… yeah,” he chuckles. “Did you not check who was calling before you picked up?”

“I was asleep,” you pout. “Kinda.”

“Okay. Go back to sleep, honey. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

You sit bolt upright, phone balanced between tense fingers and speaking directly into the microphone. 

“No! No, I’m awake. What’s up? Why did you call?”

A longer stretch of silence—you’re too sleepy to comprehend what it might mean, though never too sleepy to worry about it. With a pang of pain, you recall your strange goodbye, the words you hadn’t said. 

“I just needed to hear your voice,” he sighs. You frown, staring at nothing in particular in the pitch black room. 

“Oh. Is everything okay?”

“As much as it can be.”

“Right.”

More quiet. You chew on the inside of your cheek, stricken with a sudden feeling of awkwardness that you haven’t had with Spencer in a while. 

“I’m sorry… I don’t really know what to say.”

“That’s okay,” he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice which makes you feel a bit better, “why don’t you tell me about your day? Or you can absolutely go back to sleep, if you’re too tired.”

“Don’t ask me about my day,” you whisper, flopping down on the bed once more. Shame seeps into your voice. He laughs. 

“What? Why?”

“Because if I tell you you’re going to think I’m super weird and you’re going to break up with me.”

Laughter tapers off into gentler tones. 

“I already think you’re super weird. It’s actually one of your most attractive qualities.”

Blood rushes to your cheeks. 

“But it’s like… borderline crazy.”

Immediately, he replies, “for better or worse, I also frequently find myself attracted to crazy.”

“Thank you for calling me crazy and super weird,” you grumble. 

“I also called you attractive twice. Tell me.”

When his tone takes on that easy, assertive quality, and it’s sort of raspy and low because it’s late and he’s been talking all day, and you can hear the lazy smile on his face—you imagine him laying on his hotel bed, arm slung over his eyes in the dark as he grins into the microphone—you have a very difficult time saying no. 

“Fine. Guess where I am right now.”

“Um, I would hope you’re in bed?”

You smile to yourself, basking in the victory of successfully throwing him off his game even slightly. 

“Guess whose bed.”

Silence. 

“What an interesting question.” That cocky smile, the low drawling is back, and you chew on your lip, ignoring the shiver that runs down your spine. “If it’s not mine or yours, we’re going to have issues.”

“But if it is yours? You’re not going to call the police on me?”

“Why would I call the police? To tell them there’s a pretty girl in my bed and I don’t want her there?”

“To tell them your psychopathic girlfriend broke into your apartment and might be holding hostages there.”

Spencer laughs; a brittle, drawn out thing, flat and quiet as the desert.

“If you were a psychopath, calling the cops would be a waste of time. I would handle you myself.” The idea of being handled has your thighs clenching. “But—yeah, don’t invite anyone else in.” More humor finds its way into his voice, momentarily relieving some tension that had sneakily begun to build. “Having people in my space makes me anxious.”

“But not me?” Your whisper is half flirtatious, half insecure. Spencer’s reply is soft, as if he’s picking up on this from hundreds of miles away.

“No, not you. You are always the exception.”

“Good,” you say, cheeks aching as you half-bury your warm face into his pillow. “Because I made myself really comfortable. You have a nice shower, by the way.”

Spencer groans. 

“You’re killing me.”

“What? What did I do!”

“Don’t talk to me about my bed and my shower. I might start to think you’re intentionally being a brat.”

“You asked me about my day! I’m just telling you what I did!”

But you’re also intentional teasing him for sure.  After a pause, he sighs in defeat. 

“You’re right. I did do that. Tell me what else happened.”

“Well,” you begin, all too eager, “I had to put my clothes in the dryer after I got out, so I borrowed some of yours. But then they were way comfier than mine, so after I went to the store I put them back on, and—”

“Okay.”

“Okay what?” you frown. 

“Tell me what this is.”

“I—I don’t know what you mean.”

Lying to a profiler is usually pointless. 

“I’m not stupid, sweetheart. Tell me why you keep talking about my shower and my bed and my clothes.”

Caught red-handed. Your skin heats up. 

“I don’t know. I miss you.”

He hums in a way that blurs the line between sympathetic and patronizing. Even through the phone you can feel the bass of it in your bones.  It changes the frequency you’re vibrating at. It’s hypnotic. 

“But that’s not really why you’re being intentionally provocative, is it?”

“No,” you admit quietly. “I’m still upset you had to go last night.”

“So you’re frustrated and you’re taking it out on me?”

Your brow furrows. Well, when he puts it like that…

“I’m not taking anything out on you.”

“I think you are. And I don’t appreciate that, because I’m on your side, honey. Do you think I prefer being in a hotel bed by myself or being in my bed with you?”

Somehow, he makes you feel like a scolded child. But he makes it appealing in ways you don’t understand. 

“Your bed with me,” you murmur, skin prickling with the coldness of his absence even as you curl under the blanket. 

“Right. So why don’t you tell me what I can do for you right now, instead of punishing me for things that are beyond my control?”

“I wasn’t punishing you,” you mutter. 

“No? You weren’t intentionally talking about using my shower and sleeping in my bed and putting on my clothes so that I’d have to think about what I can’t have right now?”

“I—”

“Believe me when I tell you I have been thinking about what I can’t have, all day. Your efforts are entirely redundant and you can’t say anything about yourself that is even close to as dirty as the frankly disrespectful thoughts I’ve been having about you for seventeen hours.”

The lack of air is making you so dizzy your vision goes gray at the edges. 

“What… what thoughts?”

“None that you need to concern yourself with.”

“You can’t just say something like that and then not tell me!” you insist. He’s obviously giving you a taste of your own medicine and it’s fair but it doesn’t mean you have to like it. 

“I can do whatever I want,” Spencer corrects cooly in a way that pisses you off beyond belief because he’s right. It triggers some adolescent immaturity within you—a desire to get back at him, so to speak. He wants intentionally provocative? He can have it. 

“Fine. Then so can I. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it even if I could.”

“Spencer,” you warn. “If you don’t tell me what you were thinking I’m gonna—” you look around the room for ammo. “I’m gonna look through your nightstand!”

“Go ahead. I’ll warn you, it’s not very interesting.”

“Sounds like what someone who has something hide would say,” you mumble, crawling across the mattress through tangled sheets and using your phone flashlight to open the drawer. 

Spencer is patient and silent as you take in its contents—a small blue leather-bound notebook (full of what looks like Russian), a fountain pen, a glasses case, various kinds of vitamins, and—

“Spencer Reid,” you say, dragging out his name and pretending nothing is fluttering in your stomach, “what are these?”

“I don’t know. I can’t see what you’re referring to.”

“Take a wild guess.”

“Oh, I have one. But I’d like to hear you say it.”

You realize you may have gotten yourself in deeper than you meant to by going through his stuff. Well—they don’t say karma is a bitch for nothing. 

“What are you doing with a box of condoms?” 

He chuckles and you feel it in your whole body, warm as you stretch across his mattress and eye the box like it might jump out at you. 

“Those are years old. I’ve used three since I bought them.”

“Don’t tell me that,” you whine. “I don’t wanna think about all the other women you’ve seduced.”

“You wanted them to be for you, huh?” 

You flush. Honestly you hadn’t even thought about that. 

“I… I don’t know. I kind of just assumed…”

It’s silent for a second and you frown, realizing you hadn’t even considered protection when you’d imagined sleeping with him before. 

“You assumed what, honey?” he asks, voice soft. 

“It’s dumb. I can’t tell you.”

“You can tell me anything. I’m not going to think it’s dumb, I promise.”

You chew on your lip, letting your eyes unfocus on the box as you muster the courage to be honest. 

“Whenever I imagined it… we didn’t… use anything.”

The words make you cringe even as you’re saying them. So does the quiet that follows. 

“When you imagine us sleeping together, we don’t use a condom?”

“Ah!” The phone drops to the mattress as you cover your ears and roll onto your side, curling into yourself once more. “You didn’t have to say it! You make me sound so weird!”

“It’s not weird,” he laughs, because he can probably imagine exactly what you just did, “I just wanted to make sure I was understanding you. That said… we would definitely use protection.”

“Do we have to?”

The quiet words take even you by surprise—and they seem to stun Spencer as well. Several false starts are punctuated by a sigh as he gathers his thoughts. 

“We really should, baby. That’s the kind of thing we need to take seriously.”

“But you’re… you’re good, right?”

Thankfully he picks up on your meaning. 

“I am. I wouldn’t touch you if I weren’t.”

“And I’m good. So...”

“Hm. And has anyone ever explained to you where babies come from?”

You groan in frustration. 

“Spencer, I’m being serious! There are ways to negate that.”

“Honey,” he murmurs, “I understand that. But it would be irresponsible of me to say yes. We can talk about it in the future, but—”

“I’m telling you it’s already dealt with. The chances of an accidental pregnancy are slim to none.”

The new information hangs in the air for a moment until Spencer speaks—to your surprise, his voice is low and humorous. 

“That is… good to know. But even so—I’m setting a dangerous precedent if I always let you get exactly what you want.”

“Is it such a bad thing that I just wanna—I wanna know what it feels like? You don’t want that?”

“That’s not what I said. I want to know exactly what you feel like. I’m just hesitant to give in so quickly because it makes me look weak.”

You laugh breathlessly, caught between being turned on by the first part of his sentence and amused by the sarcastic second half. Your thighs clench and your hand absentmindedly wanders between them. 

“You know what I was thinking about?” you ask. Spencer hums curiously. “I was thinking about when you let me, um… when you let me touch you how you touch me.” He hums again, but you can hear the amused curve of a smile in it now.

“When you had your mouth all full of me and you looked so pretty?”

“When I—yeah,” you agree, too caught up to deny his compliment as your fingers brush your most sensitive spot through clothing. “And  how you got me all messy after. And I was wondering what it would feel like… inside me.”

He sucks in a breath. Your legs brush against each other and you twist slightly as you pretend like you’re not touching yourself just a little bit. 

“You want me to come inside you?”

“Yeah,” you whisper, brain short-circuiting at the way those words sound in his voice. 

—

On the other side of the line, Spencer isn’t doing a fantastic job of thinking clearly either. His dick is half-hard already and it’s only getting worse with each little noise you make that you don’t seem to realize you’re making. 

“Really? That would be very messy, baby. I’m surprised that’s what you want.”

“But I really want it,” you breathe. He’s not even looking as he slips his hand under the waistband of his pajamas and palms himself, his other hand rubbing tiredly over his face as his phone rests on his chest. This was not how he intended for this call to go, believe it or not—but he’s here now. 

“Yeah? Is that why you’re touching yourself right now?”

You go silent—which is more or less exactly the reaction Spencer had been expecting. Patiently he waits for you to deny it, in three, two—

“’M not.”

Now, he could explain how he knows that’s a lie. How your breathing pattern changed, and your voice got softer and airier, and how you started speaking with smaller words in fragmented sentences. But he doesn’t feel like explaining any of that. 

“I know that’s not true,” he murmurs. “You know what? It wasn’t fair to get you all worked up last night and then leave. I don’t want you frustrated, honey. I want you to do whatever you need to do.”

You make a little gasping noise, and Spencer can imagine the way your back would arch when you did it. His own hips buck slightly as his dick twitches under his fingers. 

“Where are you touching?”

“Um—over my clothes.”

Cute. 

“Go under them for me. Tell me how it feels when you’re touching yourself like that.”

It takes a moment, in which all he hears is the rustling of fabric, until you’re whispering, “feels… it feels good. I wish you were here.”

He inhales, freeing his cock and squeezing the base. 

“I know. Just listen to my voice, pretty. I’m right here.”

Spencer allows himself a few slow tugs as he imagines what’s happening in his bed. You make a squeaking noise, like a held-back moan, and his eyes screw shut. 

“I need them inside,” you whine, and he knows you’re referring to his fingers—the ones currently stroking his own leaking cock. 

“You can use your own, just give yourself a minute first. Remember what I said about needing to be ready?”

“I am ready��” judging by the surprised chirp you interrupt yourself with, you’ve proven yourself right. What surprises Spencer is the weak sound of disappointment you make next. “Spence, it doesn’t feel the same.”

“We’re different sizes, honey. Your hands aren’t as big as mine. But you can still make it feel good.” 

He almost says, 90% of the nerves in the vaginal canal are located in the lower third—in other words, within approximately 2.36 inches from the opening, which you can most certainly reach—but he refrains. He’s not sure if that’s good dirty talk. 

“You have a really sensitive spot about three inches up, right in front. It’s going to feel a little different than the rest of you when you touch it. I want you to try and find it for me, okay?”

“Okay,” you breathe, ever-eager to please even from a great distance. There’s a quiet moment. “I can’t—I don’t think I can r—oh,”

The moan is so pretty Spencer can’t help speeding up the motion of his hand, hissing slightly as his fingers brush against the angry tip with every pump. 

“Did you find it?”

“Yeah,” you whine, a weak, high-pitched thing. “Oh my god.”

“Be gentle,” he warns with some effort as his own hips jump slightly. “You’re really sensitive there. If you’re not careful you’ll make yourself sore.”

“I don’t care—holy shit—” the way your voice rises and tightens to a squeak at the end has Spencer moaning as he fucks his fist. A black hole forms and warps time, turning every minute into a second and every second into an infinity until he has no idea how much time is going by. He drags his thumb over the tip, smearing precum over his cock and whining as his jaw drops at the feeling. “Oh my god, Spencer,” in that same strained, high voice. “’M gonna—ah!”

He gets the general sentiment. 

“What, baby? You’re gonna make yourself come all over your fingers? Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“Mhm!”

“Yeah, I bet you are. It feels good, huh?”

“Yes,” you cry. 

“See? You don’t need my fingers to feel good. Mine barely fit, you know that? I have to hold your fucking hips down whenever I put my fingers in you because you can’t stop squirming. I don’t know how you think you’re going to take my cock.”

“Spencer!” 

He knows. 

“Come, baby. Let me hear you.”

The delicate sounds you make as you bring yourself to orgasm tip him over the edge of his own—grunting as he comes all over his fist. 

“Jesus,” he strains under his breath, the word dragging out into two long syllables as his hips buck involuntarily and cum drips down his knuckles. He’s lightheaded and he’s created a mess and it all happened so quickly. “Fuck,” he breathes, a rasping chuckle as he reaches for the towel he’d dropped on the bed after his shower earlier. “You conscious over there?”

“I’m conscious,” you slur, breathing heavily. “I’ve never had an orgasm by myself before.”

“Are you proud of yourself?” Spencer smiles, wiping his hand off and making sure he’s otherwise clean. “You should be. I am.”

He’s barely kidding. 

“I’ll be proud when I can do it without your help,” you tease. 

“But I’ll always want to help you with that.” His already warm face flushes further as he goes over what he’d said. “Sorry I was so vulgar.”

You laugh. He blushes even more. 

“Are you? I think you secretly love being vulgar.”

“I don’t know why! I have no idea where it comes from. I would never speak that way in any other context. I should probably work on that. Sometimes I look back on the things I say and I’m genuinely appalled.”

“Well, don’t stop on my account. Personally I enjoy it.”

“Yeah, I think I’m corrupting you. You probably shouldn’t enjoy it.”

The truth of it weighs heavy on his mind, but he’s pretty sure his voice alone doesn’t betray that and you can’t sense it through the phone. 

“Oh, my god. Do not do that falling on your sword shit. I like being corrupted by you. If you stop I’ll be very upset.”

“Well god forbid you get upset,” he teases gently. Idly he wonders if the reason he’s suddenly feeling so depressed is because his cortisol levels were already high from the case, and then he jarred his system with an orgasm, spiking his dopamine and ultimately causing it to plummet without the oxytocin release that post-coital physical contact would usually provide. 

Or if it was something else. It could also be something else. 

For the millionth time, he wishes he was with you. Part of him also wants to go to sleep. But mostly he wishes he was with you. 

—

A comfortable silence settles over the conversation. In the ditch between words, you’re mapping constellations in the texture of Spencer’s ceiling. If you squeeze your eyes almost shut, you can imagine it really is the night sky. You can imagine he’s really here. 

You think about what he said—his apparently mindless vulgarity. Did it mean anything? Or was he just rambling to get you off?

“Spencer?” you murmur. 

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

He sounds earnest, perhaps a little tired, as he replies, “always,” through the little metal rectangle on your chest. He likes me and my questions are important to him, you repeat to yourself silently as you work up the strength. 

“If Penelope hadn’t called, last night… were you going to have sex with me?” 

Your lip tastes like his toothpaste as you chew it. Spencer sucks in a breath of air like he’s about to speak—and lets it fizzle out like foam on a carbonated drink. 

“I don’t know,” he finally admits, lamely. “That wasn’t my plan, but you can be extremely convincing when you want to be.”

“But why can’t it be your plan?” It’s an almost whine, pouty and childish—but the next words are quiet and pained. “Is it something I’m doing wrong?”

“No, no! It’s not you. You’re perfect. It’s—it’s complicated. It’s a me thing.”

Such trite words—such a ubiquitous, simple excuse sounds almost comical from his mouth when you know he’s capable of all the eloquence in the world. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s ridiculous. 

“Okay. Let me simplify this for you,” you begin with an uncharacteristic assertiveness that surprises even you. “I want to have sex with you. Either we are going to have sex or we’re not. So your future branches in two diverging paths. In one, we have sex, and then we keep having sex. In the other we never have sex ever. If you want to ever have the privilege of fucking me, then we just have to do it. Otherwise it simply will never happen. And I’m not eternally patient, Reid.”

Go me, you think, slightly breathless from your monologue. 

“Watch your mouth,” he says dryly. Something about the chastisement makes your stomach flip and your whole body tingle. “When you talk to me you call me Spencer. I will also accept Doctor Reid.” You wrestle down a smile, refusing to let him change the subject. A delayed sigh from him sobers up the conversation. “You know what I want. I’ve been very clear with you about that. But…”

“But…?”

Another sigh. A deeper, shuddering sigh, like his breath is searching for balance. Like Spencer is in a precarious position for which he was unprepared. 

“But—but to be completely honest… I worry that you’ll regret choosing me. And I know virginity is a social construct and I’m not implying that your worth will somehow be diminished if we have sex but regardless of my views on virginity as a construct, having sex for the first time can be weird and scary and it’s incredibly intimate and I don’t want you to regret your first time like I regret mine because you chose the wrong person.”

The words come at you so rapid-fire it takes you a moment to process them. And aside from all the ways you want to reassure him that you will not regret choosing him—that you could never, ever regret anything about him—one thing stands out. 

“You regret your first time?” 

Something between a scoff and a sigh travels through the line. You can tell he’s not annoyed at you for asking so much as he’s flustered himself with all his own words as he occasionally does. 

“Yeah. Yes. Sometimes I do. The person—she didn’t… like me as much as I liked her. And I was really, really in love with her, and she knew that and she knew she wasn’t in love with me—or maybe she was, I don’t know—but my point is, when one person likes the other more than the other person like them, things get complicated. And however you feel about me—that’s fine. It’s fine. I don’t want you to feel bad if we don’t feel exactly the same way about each other. I understand that this is newer for you, it’s different, I—I just don’t want us to do something we can’t undo because I don’t want to relive that. And I’m not saying it will never happen but I just don’t want you to make this choice when… when right now, I think we’re in different places emotionally. Regardless of that, I want you to choose the right person. I don’t want you to choose me and then find out that we feel differently after we sleep together and leave you feeling like you signed up for something you didn’t understand. I’m sorry. Maybe telling you this is selfish. But I’ve been thinking about it and trying to ignore it and I think I just have to be completely honest.”

Your ears ring like Spencer just fired a blank right into the microphone. Like you just got backhanded across the face and now you have the world’s worst case of whiplash. 

Every finger is numb and your blood is so cold it feels blue as it slithers thick through your veins. 

What you want to do is scream. What you want to do is go back to last night and stop yourself from almost telling him I love you, slap yourself and keep your cards a little closer to your chest. Because now he knows, and he doesn’t feel the same. 

You want to scream bloody murder. 

But when you try, when you unhinge your jaw and part your chapped lips and expect a bellow to come hurdling up the corridor of your throat with so much force it rattles your bones, all that falls out is a small, “oh.”

Maybe that’s worse. 

Spencer doesn’t reply. You hate yourself for feeling obliged to fill the silence. 

“I didn’t realize you…”

I didn’t realize that you don’t love me back. 

I didn’t realize I like you more than you like me. 

I didn’t realize you’d tell me to masturbate in your fucking bed and then drop this not even five minutes later. 

If Spencer Reid was able to talk to you over the phone with the same amount of affection and familiarity as always, like everything was still okay, knowing you love him and he doesn’t love you the whole time, he is not who you thought he was. 

“I’m sorry,” he lamely says again, like it could ever help. 

More silence. Now you can’t bring yourself to speak, so Spencer does. 

“I realize how awkward this is. I really didn’t mean to put you in this position. Especially not over the phone when I—god, I’m stupid. I’m sorry. But can we—can we talk about this in person when I get back? Please?”

Is that what grownups do? Is the proper etiquette for him to take you out to dinner and explain why he’s not in love with you? Is he going to break up with you?

What does one even wear to a breakup date?

“Okay,” you whisper. Your eyes sting, your everything stings, like you’ve been wrapped in a shroud of briar. Sheets that were soft a moment ago feel like sandpaper on open wounds. You feel like an open wound. 

Spencer sighs. It’s a sound of relief that confuses and hurts you even more. 

“Okay. I—okay. Thank you. Um—I’ll let you go back to sleep, now.”

“Okay,” you repeat—as if any of this were okay. But you can’t keep being that stupid girl who feels it all so much harder, who loves easily and begs to be loved in return, too naive to assume that someone who treats her so kindly might not reciprocate her feelings. It has to be okay, because if it’s not, you’re silly and dramatic and you’re just proving him right. 

“Goodnight,” Spencer whispers, and you can’t help but feeling that it’s the last time you’ll ever hear those words from his mouth while you’re in his bed. And he’s not even fucking here.

So you pull the blanket a little higher. You let your tears stain his pillow because they’ll be invisible by the morning. It will be like they were never here. Like you were never here. 

“Goodnight.”

[bluesidez]

GymRat!Miguel Part 8

content warning: fluff, a little bit of hurt/comfort, some mentions of food, 18+ so MDNI, thigh riding 😙, thigh fucking 🤪, public indecency??? exhibitionism???, katoptronophilia aka mirror sexy time (thanks for the word jelly 🪼), just overall a really good time

word count: 4.4k, not proofread (we're only gearing up to what I assume will be another giant chapter 😷)

Prev | Next ✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Masterlist

GymRat!Miguel who does some sets of push-ups, sit-ups, and leg raises in place of the gym. You watch him while you wait for room service, encouraging him from the side. Your presence was especially needed during the sit-ups when you sit at his feet, holding them down and giving him kisses when sits up.

GymRat!Miguel who sings loudly in the shower after his workout. You have to answer the door with an apology as the server laughs at Miguel belting out Britany Spears.

GymRat!Miguel who finally decides to respond to his texts. He’s had enough time to cool off and your presence was like a calm breeze, kissing away at his skin.

He discards his empty plate, placing it back on the cart. You’re still chewing away at some fluffy pancakes, enjoying the views of the high-rise hotel as the default channel played soft jazz.

GymRat!Miguel who lays in your lap while you eat some fruit. He has his phone in his hands ready to type, but he opens his mouth, silently begging for you to feed him grapes and pineapple chunks.

He hums to himself happily when you comply, combing a hand through his hair. He felt so peaceful like this. Serene.

GymRat!Miguel who sighs as he opens the message app. Here we go.

Abuela 💕:

“Abuela I’ll call you tonight”

“And there will be no babies. Not now”

“There better not be!”

Pa:

“Gracias pa”

“I’m glad you were able to meet her”

“She means a lot to me”

“I can tell”

“Mijo you pack a big punch!”

“Uno más!!!”

“You got that from me 👍🏽”

“Sure did pa 😭”

Gabri 🤡🤏🏽:

“You’re such an instigator”

“It’s not instigating. It’s reporting 😌”

“‘It’s reporting ☝🏽🥸’”

“Shaddap”

“You think I’m letting a member of the robotics team bully me?”

“You have perfect pitch and play the saxophone”

“You’re not winning this battle”

“Aren’t you supposed to be entertaining my girl? 🤨”

“Direct this clown act to her”

“Not sure how she puts up with it but I’ll free her soon”

“Stfu”

“A real man would be doing OTHER things but I digress”

“Did you really have to send a pic”

“You hate me”

“It’s clear to me now”

“Anyway what’s this about Tyler punching things”

“OHHHHH”

“He got him good”

“Square in the face”

“A bloody mouth to match his nose”

“TWINEM”

“Good”

"Pa said he granted me the ability to punch"

“He can dream on about that”

“Because where tf is my strength 😒”

"He punched Tyler before"

"Your time will be soon"

"😕"

"Also Ik about Nancy cheating already"

"Tyler told me in high school"

"I didn't want to be the one to tell Kron"

"Ur better than me"

"I would have told him that after that punch"

"YOUR MOM IS A HOMEWRECKER!"

"That's not what that means but ok"

Dana:

“Does your bf know you’re lusting after others?”

“Not if you don’t tell 😙”

“….I don’t think I want to give you her number”

“You’re perfect for Gabri”

“You’re both unbearable”

“What’s unbearable is I’m not talking to your gf rn”

“It’s too many O’Haras”

“Too much testosterone”

“SAVE ME MIG’S GF”

“MIG’S GF SAVE ME!!!”

Dad….Tyler:

“It’s ok. For what it’s worth, I can tell that you had good intentions.”

“Gabri told me what happened”

“I apologize for acting out of order and punching your son, but I couldn’t let him disrespect my girlfriend and my mom. No matter how difficult she may be, I’m the one who should tell her about it. Not him.”

"I completely understand that. You did what you thought was right, and that's far more admirable than what Kron did."

"In another reality, you and Kron could get along. For now, I will aim for cordial. I will make sure that he apologizes to you, your girlfriend, and Conchata."

"I don't want an apology if it's not genuine."

"Let's move on from that. You said you wanted to make it up to me? I saw that you added more dates to the hotel. Thank you for that, you didn't have to."

"Yes! If you are willing, I would love for you and your girlfriend to meet with me. I actually arranged something for you, Gabriel, and your girlfriends. I want to hear your input before I finalize the details."

"Sure thing. Is this afternoon ok?"

"That's perfect. I'll see you then."

Ma:

Read: 11:10 AM ✓✓

“Ugh,” Miguel groans, shutting his phone off and closing his eyes.

You stop rubbing his hair and look down, “What’s wrong?”

Miguel grunts as he moves your hand to continue, “My mom wants me to come home. Not sure if I want to do that right now. Not unless I know she’s ready to be accountable for once, which I highly doubt.”

You hum in understanding, “She’s still your mom, though. You’ll have to see her eventually.”

“My mom or not, she had no right to talk to you the way she did,” Miguel said reaching his hand up to your face. “It was cruel and…strange coming towards you. She doesn’t know you. Not yet, anyway.”

It’s not like she was trying to know you, either. Miguel seemed to understand this in your silence.

“I have to go grab some clothes so she might just get her wish,” Miguel says, turning his head towards your stomach.

You look down at him, “You don’t have to. Today is my last day here.”

“Well, lucky for us, Tyler extended the stay for a few more days,” he grinned. He started to move your shirt to fondle your skin.

Your stomach twitched as his breath brushed your skin. He started to kiss along your front, head disappearing under your sweater. He hummed as he started to tug at your underwear with his teeth.

“Hey,” you say, watching his head moving around through the material. “Stop that and finish talking.”

You pulled your sweater up to reveal him, his teeth still holding the band of your panties and eyes like a cat that got caught.

He let the band go close to your stomach so it wouldn’t snap, “This visual is making me forget everything.” His eyes are heavy and wandering.

You look to where he’s looking to see that you’re essentially flashing him.

You drop your shirt in embarrassment, letting out a sound of panic.

“No, no, baby let me see.”

“No, you’re at such a weird angle.”

“All art must be viewed up close and personal.”

Miguel sat up from your lap. He watched as you huffed and pinched the neckline of your sweater, moving it for air.

"You're so confident from afar, but when I'm near you like this, you get so shy. Even in public, you can be so bold. It's just you and me here."

"It's just," you watch Miguel as he crowds your space. His mouth goes behind your ear to press his lips into your skin. "I don't know. It feels like...more when it's just us. More real."

"Does it not feel real when we're in public?"

Miguel sits back, eyes wondering to yours. There's a pinch in his eyebrows, so faint you almost miss it.

"It does! That's not what I mean."

"Then, what is it? Tell me. Talk to me."

"I want to do more with you."

"But?" Miguel holds your hands in his, stopping you from picking at the loose threads of the sweater. He rubs them with his thumbs, itching to pull you closer.

"But, when you look at me like that, I feel like I could pass out. I get overwhelmed and nervous. I don't want to say or do anything stupid. It gets harder to control myself. I feel crazy."

Oh.

Oh.

"Then there are moments when my brain fools me into thinking that you don't like me in the way that I like you. Moments when that girl from not so long ago comes back, ashamed of herself and her body. A small part of me that thinks you could date anyone else and you're settling."

Miguel takes a moment to process your words.

He takes a breath, then opens his mouth.

"You really don't understand how much you affect me, do you?"

Miguel pulled you in his lap, fed up with this charade.

You grip his shoulders, steadying your balance with how fast he grabbed you.

"Miguel-"

"I don't know everything that your last boyfriend did to you and I don't know everything that you've experienced because of your body. Baby, I don't even know what you've seen all this time to make you think you're not worthy of love and respect, but I'm here to squash it."

"I meant it when I said that I love you. I'll learn it in a hundred languages just to remind you. I'll even tattoo it on my forehead for you to be reminded of it every single time you see me."

"I don't think you need to go that far," you say, eyes warm.

"No, I think I should. Anything for you to understand me. Anything for you to see you like how I see you."

"Letting out my deepest darkest secrets here, but do you know what I did when we first met?"

You shake your head, curious.

"I had a dream about you that was so good, I fell out of my bed. Peter never lets me live it down."

"A sweet dream?"

"Now, you and I both know it was more than that. Two cold showers should answer your questions."

You hide your face in his neck, heartbeat drumming through you, "Did you really?"

"Hand to heart. I understand your feelings. I acknowledge them too, but I need you to understand mine as well. Trust me when I say that you are unbelievably sexy. I love you and your body. My eyes caught your appearance before I came to know your personality. Anybody would be lucky to have you, but I'm the luckiest because you chose me."

Miguel hugged you close and kissed your head.

"Now let's rewind. You said you feel crazy when you're close to me?"

You groan in his neck.

"Uncontrollable? Heated?"

"Miggy, stop."

"My girlfriend is head over heels for me," Miguel hummed as he rubbed his hands down your naked legs. "She wants to ruin me."

"No, I don't."

"She's still wearing my clothes with nothing underneath but her panties and is leaning all over me. Her thighs are around my waist and she just told me that she wants me."

"You put me here," you lean up and stare at him. Your cheeks were hot and your eyes were dewey.

"She's looking at me like she's upset, but now I know that her heart is going crazy. I want to kiss her."

"Then do it," you whisper.

The kiss is sweet, the taste of fruit and syrup still on your lips. You finally relax in his arms, body melted against his. His hands slip under your sweater, dancing over your back. Your skin is soft and warm, a blanket over Miguel's figure.

The time where you two connect extends deeper and longer. You let your hands venture further than the nape of his neck, roaming until you brush across his chest. Miguel's breath hitched as your nails raked his nipple, chest jumping at the impact.

You break for a second, wanting to get air, but Miguel leans back in, desperate. He's whining, groping your body all over. His noises go straight to your core, twitching above him. He matches your pace, dragging your hips across his, reveling in how fast your body was reacting to him.

When he leans back, there's a string of saliva connecting you two. He's breathing hard as he watches you.

"Can I take this off? Please," Miguel grips the bottom of your sweater, eyes pleading.

You bite your lip and slide the sweater over your head, dropping it to the bed. You bring your hands over the top of your chest, arms framing your breasts.

You can't look Miguel in the eyes, too shy, "Is this fine?"

Miguel's eyes almost turn as he watches you, so shy but so seductive. He reaches out to cup your breasts in his hands, groaning when they plush through his fingers.

"You're so," Miguel rubs his thumbs across your nipples, enjoying you twitching and gasping in his hold. "Fuck."

His gaze burned into you, hungry as you lapped his tongue around your nipples. You let out a whimper when you feel him pull your skin in, mouth hot. It doesn't beat his pleased hum, voice like a man finally getting relief.

He massages your vacant breast, movements getting harsher. His grip is like a vice making it harder for you to second-guess yourself.

You hiss and rake your hands through his hair, "B-baby, be careful."

"Lo siento, mi amor," Miguel says, kissing across your areolas. "'M sorry."

You find your breath, fighting to steady your voice, "You're on me like we didn't just do something earlier."

Miguel paused and placed his cheek on your chest, "Baby, I'm a virgin and a man, not a prude. With practice, I could go all day."

The thought of that has you tightening your legs around him, hips stuttering. Miguel shifts to pull you over his left thigh.

"Does that excite you, baby?" Miguel smirks.

You close your eyes and nod, hips rolling over his thigh, keening high as he hikes his thigh closer to your sex and grips your waist. His muscles feel so good against you, the sounds getting wetter and wetter with each swipe.

"God, you're so pretty like this," Miguel sighs. "My gorgeous girl."

Your movements are becoming more frantic, Migiuel's voice in your ears spurring you on. He was sucking into your neck, growling as you scratched against his shoulder blades.

"That's right, baby. Keep going. Use me to get off," Miguel helped your hips keep a steady pace, pulling at your briefs to a makeshift thong. The tightness of your underwear combined with his thigh and his voice sends you into overdrive.

"Miguel!" you sob, hands gripping his hair. Your body trembles as you squeeze your thighs around him, cunt pulsating around nothing but your underwear, release leaking onto his leg.

Miguel cooed as you dropped your weight against him, body limp and hips fluttering with aftershocks. You panted as you kept your head on his shoulder, willing yourself to calm down.

"Are you ok?" Miguel asks, kissing your temple, your ear, your cheek. He feels you nod into his skin, blissed out.

"I like how you called me the needy one and you're the one who came three times today," Miguel mumbled, laughing as you swatted at his pec.

"I already confessed what you do to me. This shouldn't be shocking."

"Didn't say that. 'M just happy you feel more comfortable around me. It's what I want." One last kiss to your face seals his joy.

You lift up on shaky knees, hands holding onto Miguel for dear life. Your thighs were still shaking and your underwear was ruined. Miguel's cock twitched at the essence that seeped onto his leg, watching as sticky lines dragged from his skin to yours.

He grabbed you by the waist with one hand and wiped at your slick with another.

He's about to swipe at it with his tongue until you stop him.

"Miguel! Don't do that," you say, flustered.

"What? I'm just enjoying the fruits of my labor," he pouts as you grab some napkins and clean off his hands and thigh.

"So close to eating you, yet so far," he sighs miserably. "One day."

You ignore him and look down at his erection, taking a knuckle and lining the side. It was your first time really paying attention to him down there, now that you weren't distracted by his advances.

"What about you?"

He twitched as you walked along his clothed shaft, pre-come leaking through the fabric.

"As much as I want you to continue, we have to get ready for today," Miguel jerks as you continue your ministrations with a pout on your face. "And, I need condoms if you want to take this any further."

"Not even a blowjob?" you peer at him with your deer eyes again.

Miguel took a deep breath, "I was right. You are trying to ruin me."

GymRat!Miguel who lets you know that Tyler wants to meet you both after you both have changed clothes for the day. Something about a surprise.

"I love surprises!" you say turning to Miguel with a smile on your face. "As long as it's nothing like last night. I think it'll be ok."

Miguel matches your smile and presses his lips to yours.

GymRat!Miguel who stops at his home briefly, trying to get in and get out. He manages to fill up his travel bag, drop off his laundry, and give Gabriel a heart attack all before his mom notices he's there.

"Where are you going?" Gabriel asks with his hand over his heart, headphones lopsided around his neck.

"None of your business, nosy."

"Uh, it kind of is my business. You think you're grown when you're really not."

Miguel rolls his eyes. He didn't really want to tell Gabriel, but sometimes he couldn't say no to him.

"We're going out to see Tyler. He has a surprise for us. He also said he arranged something for us including you and Dana."

"Oh shit! Ok. And if mom asks where you are?"

"Tell her I'll come by tomorrow. I'm spending the next few days with my girlfriend."

"Alrighty," Gabriel sing-songs, placing his headphones back on his head. "You kids be safe. Don't scare my girl away."

Miguel smacks Gabriel across the head and runs out the door before he can catch up.

GymRat!Miguel who just laughs at your face while you frantically unlock the car to let him in.

"Baby, what's wrong?" you ask, voice in a panic.

"A string bean is trying to attack me," he responds, giggling as Gabriel runs out of the house.

"I'm getting you back for that you oaf!" Gabriel yells as Miguel backs out of the driveway. He stops his anger to wave at you, which you return with a sweet smile.

"Baby, you're encouraging him."

GymRat!Miguel who guides you through the doors of a cafe that Tyler recommended. He sticks out like a sore thumb with his stark white hair and light clothing. The only semblance of color on him was his silver jewelry.

He sat there, typing away at his phone, oblivious to the people around him who found familiarity in his form.

"Dad," Miguel said, the word funny on his tongue. He tried to make an effort to refer to him as his father in public, something Tyler appreciated greatly.

"Son!" he got up and engulfed him in a hug, giving you a softer version afterward. "It's good to see you both."

"It's lovely to see you again as well, Mr. Stone," you say, giving Miguel a smile when he pulls your chair out for you. "Thank you so much for thinking of us after all that's happened. Thank you for paying for my stay as well, the hotel is very lovely."

"Anything for Miguel's loved ones," he smiles in a way that has a hint of Miguel. You feel better going into the rest of this meal.

GymRat!Miguel who almost chokes on his coffee before Tyler can finish his sentence.

"A yacht?!"

"Is it too much? I can do something else to your liking," Tyler frets, wiping his hands on his slacks. "I'm not sure what all kids your age like nowadays."

"I've never been on a yacht. so I don't even know how to react," Miguel responds.

The two of them are sporting the same deer-in-headlights look.

"I'm sure it would be a great experience for all of us. If everyone doesn't mind, I'm sure we can get together and have a great time," you say, helping the two of them out. "Something nice to start the summer off."

"That's great! I will have everything ready by the beginning of next month then," Tyler says, mood lifting immediately. He was a lot like a golden retriever. "With that in order, I'd like to grant you this."

He takes his wallet out, reaching in to grab a card.

As he slides it across the table, your eyes grow big.

It's a black card with T. Stone pressed across the bottom.

"What's this for?" Miguel asks, staring at the card with building curiosity.

"You all need clothes for the trip, don't you?" Tyler asks. "And I'm sure you need more clothes to wear this week. Please take this, I don't mind. I trust you not to go overboard. I'll let you know when to give it back."

Miguel took the card in his hands, the weight of it heavier than any of his own.

"I guess it's time for a shopping spree," Miguel said, a smile growing on his face.

GymRat!Miguel who drives you straight to the mall. The windows are down as you both laugh and sing to the song on the radio. Miguel wishes he could record this moment, but for now, he dials it back to replay in his memory.

GymRat!Miguel who is happy to carry your bags and encourages you to buy more. Whenever you start to feel like you've gone overboard, he just whispers "black card" in your ear like a devil on your shoulder.

GymRat!Miguel who convinces you to walk around the name-brand stores. He did have Tyler's card, but he was also thoroughly watching what you gravitated towards. He locked away so many gift ideas for later.

GymRat!Miguel who joins you in the mirror of a shades shop. The both of you take pictures with coordinating glasses and you giggle as Miguel makes silly faces in some of them.

GymRat!Miguel who becomes your doll as you pick out outfits for him. He's smiling down at you as you put different shirts up to his body, mumbling to yourself as you make decisions. So pretty.

GymRat!Miguel who waits while you try on some clothes, giddy whenever you show him a new outfit. You managed to find clothes that coordinated with his and you're super excited about it.

"Close your eyes!" you yell through the door.

He does so and listens for you to walk out. After you take a while, he opens his eyes a little.

"Baby, no peeking," you chastise.

He huffs and waits a little longer.

"Ok. 1, 2, 3, open!"

His eyes land on you in a dress that hugs your curves like no other. Your chest fills out the top perfectly and seeing your stomach through the front is driving him mad.

"Do you like it?" you turned around, giving Miguel a grand view of how your ass was sitting in the dress.

"Do the dressing rooms have a time limit?"

You blink at him owlishly, "No? Why?"

GymRat!Miguel who drags all of your bags and you back inside of the dressing room with lightning speed. As soon as he locks the door, he's attached to your lips, kneading at your ass and hips.

You gasp in his mouth, shocked at how fast he's moving.

"Miguel, what- oh," you sigh as he leans down and pulls your dress up, face buried in your neck.

"You look so good, mi amor. I can't help it."

GymRat!Miguel who almost cums when you pull his dick out. Your eyes grow along with his erection, watching as he twitches in your hold. You've never taken anyone this big and from your hesitance, Miguel can gather this much.

"We don't have to do anything. In fact, you don't have to do that here," he pants.

"You mean take you down my throat?" you ask, running your thumb over his head, watching in awe as liquid seeped out. Miguel bit his hand to quiet his moans. "I'll wait until we're somewhere more private and less noticeable that I'm on my knees for you."

Miguel looks at the open space under the dressing room door, "Yeah that's probably for the best."

GymRat!Miguel who places you in front of him, both of you facing the mirror. Your dress is bunched up and Miguel is rocking his cock in between your thighs.

He's bent down, biting lightly on your shoulder so that he doesn't shout. Your thighs were so warm and plush against him and his pre-cum was spewing out of him like a fountain.

"You feel so fucking good, baby," he moans a little too loud after a few minutes.

GymRat!Miguel who watches you in the mirror. Your tits were so close to slipping from the top of your dress, the impact from his hips jerking your entire body. He grabbed at both of them, watching as you moan at the contact. His slaps got louder and louder, milky fluid running down your legs.

GymRat!Miguel who is overcome with need when you turn and run your tongue across his earlobe. He convulses as his release spurts across the room, landing on the mirror. He grips your hips and breathes hard into your skin, the tempo of his heart moving quick.

You pat his head and praise him, heavy eyes following your hand as you rub his tip that's still rubbing through your thighs. He whines, sensitive, but not moving away from you.

GymRat!Miguel who wipes you down carefully with some wipes you have in your purse. Luckily you both haven't ruined yet another pair of underwear.

He kisses you softly when he finishes, little confessions of love traveling from his lips to yours.

GymRat!Miguel who checks the dressing room one last time, making sure he's gotten any evidence of his removed from the area. Your green dress is in his arms and you've changed back to your outfit.

The area is clean, but there are fresh hickeys on your neck, something he got carried away with.

GymRat!Miguel who walks out like nothing happened. You on the other hand, hand over some extra clothes you didn't like to a worker in slight embarrassment. He eyes you both with a look of horror.

GymRat!Miguel who feeds you Auntie Anne's in the crowded food court. You hum happily after each bite. He dusts cinnamon off the corner of your lips with a smile.

GymRat!Miguel who moves from dusting to leaning across the table to lick the crumbs off when a table full of guys keeps eying you.

"What was that for?" you asked, oblivious to the hound dogs around you.

"Nothing. I just love you, baby."

dividers by: @plutism 🩵

a/n: I got a very useful lesson on condoms and BJs while writing this chapter. It won't ever be applied to this fic, BUT it was still kinda fun nonetheless.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! Leave a like, a reblog, and COMMENTS if you did!!! 🩵

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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 - 𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 - Lando Norris x Actress!Reader (Enemies to Lovers & Fake Dating AU) 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 - Lando Norris really messed up on the first time meeting one of Hollywood’s newest and hottest stars, Y/N L/N. But when his reputation gets too bad, she might be the only one who can save his career from being completely doomed. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 - 4.6K | 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - Swearing, mentions of sex, angst 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 - Very very sorry for the delay! Life was a mess and I needed to get things in order. It's coming to an end 🥺 last one will be the last chapter, but let's enjoy while it lasts. Also, this one is for all of us Lando girlies who love to see him succeed in Interlagos!

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𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 - 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐎 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓

The morning after the fight was a rollercoaster of emotions for Y/N. She woke up feeling cold, the covers kicked to the bottom of the bed, and no one lying next to her. By now, waking up next to Lando felt familiar and too comfortable for her liking. She had grown fond of having him pressed against her every morning, his arms draped around her waist and his nose buried in her neck. It felt weird to not have him next to her when she opened her eyes. And then she remembered why he wasn’t there.

She really wished she could go back to sleep and pretend the previous night hadn’t happened.

Y/N wrapped herself around the covers once again and groaned, feeling almost like a truck ran over her body the previous night. She could blame it on the only margarita she had the night before, but she knew she could only blame the fight she had with Lando. The memories of them confessing their feelings for each other was almost too painful. It was killing them; and maybe it was for the best to call off their “relationship”, if they could even call it that.

As most days in November in Brazil, it was bright and sunny outside, but Y/N was convinced it was for the best if she stayed in for the entire day. Maybe she could catch up on her watching list on Netflix, order junk food and cry her heart out while no one was watching. After all, she was only required to go outside tomorrow, when her PR team asked her to accompany Lando to the paddock during media day.

She managed to not cry just fine so far that morning, but the universe was making it really hard to keep it together. If the emotions weren’t enough, Y/N found out that day that she was nominated for an Emmy Award. It was all over social media, with everyone congratulating her and posting clips of her performance on her latest show. Her phone was blowing up with calls and texts, but she didn’t have the energy to celebrate it.

Suddenly, it all felt too lonely. Y/N had just acquired the biggest conquest of her career, one that she has dreamed of her entire life, and she had no one to celebrate it with. The person she wanted to celebrate with the most was nowhere to be seen. So she cried alone in that hotel room, because there was nothing more she could do. She should’ve been out there celebrating that conquest, but she was weeping for the loss of Lando Norris, of all people in the world.

He wasn’t having the best days himself. After she left, Lando couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep even if he wanted to. He could only think about Y/N leaving their room crying after saying she didn’t trust him; after telling it all went wrong because he could only think about himself. All the work he did to try getting to her heart gone to waste, only because he forgot to apologize. 

After a couple of hours after finally getting some sleep, Lando was woken up by knocks on his door. Max had come for him after he didn’t answer his phone for the entire morning. His best friend understood what happened almost immediately when he opened the door, his eyes blood shot from crying too much. Lando sighed before crying more, feeling completely powerless with the situation he was trapped in.

“I fucked up”, Lando admitted, completely defeated. “And fuck, I love her so much. But she’s gone”.

Max tried to cheer him up, attempting to get the pieces back together before he was required to be on track, talking to countless journalists about his job. Lando didn’t want to talk about anything with anyone at that moment, only to Y/N if he could. In the end, with all the suffering he was going through, she was the only person he wanted to talk with to make it better.

“It’s not her fault. It’s my fault. All me. I’m always the problem”, he thought, all day. Everybody knows that Lando can get himself down a self depreciation hole, but now he actually knows it was all entirely his fault. So it was a little harder to get him out of there.

He heard of her Emmy nomination later that day, while they were waiting for breakfast at a bakery. Lando felt a boast of energy in his body, feeling so proud of his girl’s achievement. But when he remembered she didn’t want him there to celebrate it with her, he felt sad once again. He had to retreat back to his hotel room, because it was too painful to pretend nothing had happened while he was outside. People were starting to recognize him, and they could all see the sadness painted all over his face. He couldn’t do it anymore.

The first time Y/N and Lando met again after the fight was on the Thursday morning, as they were waiting for a car to pick them up at the hotel to drive them to the track. He felt uneasy to be around her, not getting to exchange a single world to her. She had grown into his best friend over the past couple of months, him always wanting to share everything with her all the time. So when she avoided his eyes like the plague, it hurt him too much.

Still, he wasn’t one to give up so easily. Lando approached her as she was distracted and said what he was dying to say the entire day. “Congratulations on your Emmy nomination. I’m very proud of you”, he kept his voice low, almost as if he was afraid to say those words. Y/N was looking away from him, but her eyes met his once she heard the words. It was as if she was trying to figure out if it was a figure of her imagination or if he was really saying it to her.

He finally got to see how bad she was as well. Lando knew her like the palm of his hand by then, so he could see that she was suffering too. But he saw a little bit of the light come back to her eyes with his words. But as much as she wanted to throw her arms around him and give him the tightest hug, she knew she had to be tough. So she toughened up and gave him the coldest response. 

“Thank you”, she nodded, looking the other way the second after. If Y/N stared into his eyes for too long, she would give into him. Only a few words from him were enough to ignite the fire on her heart once again.

“I would like to talk to you eventually”, he said, still facing only the side of her face. Lando watched her close her eyes and hold her breath. She was trying to not cry again. “If you want to, of course”.

“Not now, Norris”, she walked away without even looking him in the face.

It was hard to pretend everything was fine as they walked together in Interlagos, especially with the whole media surrounding them and ready to fire questions if they noticed something wrong. Luckily, since there was no racing happening, Y/N got to stay buried inside the McLaren motorhome until it was time to go back to the hotel once again.

Everybody noticed something was wrong, especially with the look on Lando’s face. His mood was so down that even Zak Brown noticed it. And judging by how Y/N hid herself in the McLaren hospitality until the whole thing was over, he put two and two together. He tried talking to Norris, but Lando kept assuring everything was fine. No one in the team, specially those who knew the relationship was fake, knew what was going on. How did the lovey-dovey couple go from posting cute pictures on social media to no talking in a couple of days?

Impressively enough, the whole thing that happened between Lando and Y/N didn’t affect his performance at all. He secured P2 in sprint qualifying and maintained the position on the sprint race. And if that wasn’t enough, he got pole position for the main race on Sunday. Yet, he couldn’t feel happy about it enough. None of that seemed to matter, because he couldn’t feel joy at all without Y/N.

He could’ve finished in any position – he could’ve won, for that matter – and he would still feel nothing. It hurt too much to receive nothing but an empty “congratulations” and a lifeless hug, just for the cameras to capture. Lando wanted to punch a wall, and he wanted to punch himself for what he did.

Later that day, when he was back at his hotel room with Max, Lando couldn’t control his crying anymore. He had been excellent at not bursting into tears through the past few days, but it was getting too hard to bottle in the feelings, especially when Y/N’s hands felt cold on his as they walked with fingers laced in public. His best friend had to hug him in order to hold him up and not crumble to the floor.

“Come on, mate. You need to stop crying and go get some rest for tomorrow”, Max pleaded, now having Lando sit down in his bed. “I know this whole thing is hard, but I can’t stand to see you this sad when you should be celebrating the perfect weekend you’re having”.

“I think I lost the love of my life, Max. So of course I’m crying”, Lando wiped off his tears, but they kept streaming from his eyes. “I can’t feel happy without her. She’s everything to me, and knowing I fucked her up makes me feel so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid to not apologize to her.  I did everything, but forgot the most important part of it all”.

“Have you tried apologizing again?”, Max asked and Lando nodded.

“I said I wanted to talk to her whenever she was up to talking, but she ignored me”, Lando sighed, throwing his back against the bed. “I would do anything to go back in time and fix this”.

“You don’t need to go back in time to fix this”, Max said. “Look, mate, she has admitted having feelings for you, right? So find the right words, put your pride aside and get her back”.

“You don’t know her. She is as hard-headed as I am. No simple apologize will make her forget the dickhead that I am”, Lando said. “And maybe I really don’t deserve her. She needs someone who has never treated her less than the amazing person that she is”.

“Lan…”, Max tried talking again, but his friend needed to vent more than hearing more advices.

“I would do anything to see her happy again, you know? It’s even worse to know she’s suffering too, because I can never get out of my head that it’s my fault. And I could make her so happy if she gave me another chance. I just know it”.

“I’m not the one who’s supposed to be hearing those words. Talk to her, tell her everything bottle inside you. This time, remember what I said: find the right words. And if it doesn’t work out, well… you already have nothing. You have to at least try”.

Lando went to sleep that night with Max’s words in his head. Months ago, he vowed he would do anything to make Y/N trust him, and he’s yet to try everything in his sleeves. There’s still one more chance, and he would take all the chances he had to have Y/N back.

When Sunday morning came around, Y/N felt almost hungover with the exhaustion from that week. She dragged herself out of bed for the fifth time that week and put on a sundress to enjoy the nice and warm weather outside. Then after breakfast, she waited at the meeting place in the hotel to get to the paddock, ready to put on her best acting and pretend everything was alright. Today would be crucial, because all the eyes would be on her and Lando through the main event of the weekend.

Through the night, before he fell asleep, Lando thought of a thousand ways to get Y/N to talk to him. And if she was finally going to listen to him, he knew what to say. But all his plans were lost when he saw her standing at the hotel lobby, waiting for the car to take them to the track. He thought of a lot of ways to approach her, but he simply rushed into her encounter. And as if their eyes were magnets, she turned to look at him just a few seconds before the collision. Before she could protest, Lando had her engulfed by his body.

She was taken by surprise with the action, but she was even more surprised to how her body reacted to it. Y/N immediately melted into his touch and let her arms around his shoulder, feeling her chest burning into flames and feeling easy to have him so close. She buried her face in his neck and let all the tears she was holding in for days finally fall in relief.

“I’m so sorry about everything”, he whispered in her ear, holding her a little tighter. “I have so much to apologize to you and the right words to say everything, but so little time right now. I don’t want to go one more second without talking to you, because it's been too much for me. I miss you, Y/N”.

“Lando”, she leaned back and looked between his eyes. Y/N could see how this entire thing has impacted him as well, and it hurt to see him hurt too. So she softly ran one of her thumbs though his cheek and smiled, tired of fighting.

“Y/N”, he encouraged, still too nervous with her response. But he felt a little better to see the smile on her lips once again.

 “Go in that car and win this race. For me”, she held his face between her hands and squeezed it carefully, assuring him that they were okay, at least for now. Lando was so happy that he pulled her back to the hug.

“For you, anything”, he kissed her forehead, knowing a proper kiss would be too far. “I promise that after the race, I have so much to talk to you about”.

“Don’t worry about it now, okay?”, she searched for his hands and gave it a squeeze. “We’ll talk later”.

Lando couldn’t let go off Y/N after that. They still were very quiet around each other, but it was a relief to have her hands laced with his all the time. Even better to have his arms wrapped around her as they cuddled in his driver’s room during his break. And you can bet he felt amazing when she pressed a kiss to his cheek before helping put on his balaclava.

“Good luck, Lan”, she whispered in his ear as he pulled him for a hug. “I trust you”.

And with the words he has been waiting for months to hear, Lando went into his car with the boost of confidence he needed. So far, he hadn’t won a race in Formula 1, but he had been so close for a lot of weekends. Always P2, never the winner. But now he had the confidence who could make him pass anyone in front of him. He was going to win for Y/N, just because she asked him to. So when he crossed the chequered flag before any other driver, he felt his entire life flash right in front of his eyes. Every sweat and tears dropped for this moment, who had been a long time coming. All these years had finally paid off.

Once he parked the car, everything moved in slow motion for him. The mechanics pulling him in for a hug, and all the other drivers who came to congratulate him as well. It could be a scene taken out of a film, quite easily. And when Lando saw Y/N standing right next to Zak Brown behind the barricade, he could feel his heart at his mouth. She was drowning in proud tears, applauding him with all of her strength. So he didn’t care about anyone else who was calling his name; he simply approached her and gave her the biggest kiss they ever shared. 

It’s been only a couple of days since he had last kissed them, but Lando missed her lips as if it had been a year since he last did it. And with that, he felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders, knowing everything was finally alright. His reputation was saved, he had a race win, and he had his favourite girl right there with him. It couldn’t get better than that.

Lando chased her lips once she tried to break off the kiss, not wanting to let go off her yet. But she managed to separate them between giggles. “My P1. I’m so proud of you, Lan, congratulations!”

“I love you”, he mumbled against her lips. “I love you so fucking much”.

Y/N didn’t say it back right at that moment, because there’s still a lot that needed to be said between them before those three words. But she kissed him again, and it said it all. She didn't have to say she loves him because Lando knew it. Looking into her eyes, tasting her on his lips, he knew she felt the same. So he didn’t care about getting no response, because he knew it all in his heart.

“I’ll be back in the blink of an eye. I promise you”, Lando pressed another quick peck to her lips before proceeding with everything he’s required to after the race.

Lando stood on the tallest step of the podium and raised his trophy as high as he could. He splashed his champagne bottle to make a mess on everyone, spotting Y/N on the ground and spraying the liquid far enough to reach her downstairs. He was glowing, and anyone could see that. It showed through the pictures, the interviews, the small talks with people from his team. McLaren made sure the debrief was short so they could all go celebrating the moment that has been a long time coming.

He was ready to party, but there was one more thing left to do.

“You stink of champagne”, Y/N was giggling between his arms. He was spinning her around as they walked into his hotel room, finally having some time along after the race. Nothing could kill the big smile he had stamped on his face.

“Smell it. It’s Chanel”, he joked, pulling Y/N for another kiss. Lando had her pressed against the door once it was close, and it felt too good to have his breath taken away once again by her kisses. He wanted to touch her everywhere just to know she was really there, but once his hands darted under her dress, she stopped him there.

“Not now, Lan. We still have a lot to talk before all of this”, she broke off the kiss, and he agreed with a nod. Suddenly, he was nervous once again, knowing the talk they needed to have had the potential to fix or fuck everything. “Hey, where’s that big smile you were giving me before? I miss it”.

“It is terrified of losing you”, he admitted, making Y/N’s eyes soften for him. She rubbed her thumbs on his cheeks and pouted, making him open a small grin once again. “But you’re right, we need to talk”.

“We don’t need to do this right now, Lando”, she said as he pulled her to sit in bed. He cut her before she said anything else.

“But I want to”, he said, pulling her hands to entwine with his. “Listen, I don’t think any amount of words can fix what I did to you in the past, but I'm very, very sorry. For every bad thing I said about you and every time I mistreated you. Y/N, you never deserved to hear those words from anyone, and I'm sorry I took too long to realize that”.

Y/N nodded and waited quietly while listening to what he had to say. But she could tell that he was nervous, so she encouraged him by rubbing her thumbs on the back of his hand. Lando looked down and smiled at the gesture. It showed how much she cared about him, even though he keeps fucking her up.

“You jumped into this crazy idea just to help me in the blink of an eye, and I never showed you gratitude. Even when I didn’t deserve, you were kind, and you took care of me. And I kept breaking your heart over and over again”, he admitted. “And I regret all of that. I'm so sorry, and I promise you, I'll change”.

“You already have changed”, she ran her fingers through his curls and looked between his eyes. “I know you have, Lando, or else I wouldn't have opened up to you. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that it was really happening. So I tried to shield myself as much as I could from falling in love with you”.

Lando nodded, a little sad to know that he hurt this relationship so much that she tried not to feel anything for him. But it was nice knowing she felt the same all along, even though they needed some healing.

“And I know you're not the idiot you used to be with me. I understand that you changed and, for you, I would do anything. I would do it all again if I had too”.

“I'm sorry for being so selfish. I was so busy thinking about myself that I forgot how much I had hurt you in the past. I forgot to apologize, and I thought that giving you flowers and kisses would be enough to mend a broken relationship from the start. I was willing to do anything to make you trust me that I forgot the most important part of it all”.

“You understand my point, right?”, she asked, and he agreed with his head. “You showed me that you’re someone worthy of loving, but I just couldn’t trust you at all, because you never showed regret. But now, looking you in the eye, I know that you truly are sorry”.

“I regret every bad word I ever said about you”, he assured. “I think I made my point very clear, but I want to assure you that this thing we have, with sex and the ‘enemies with benefits’, was never just that for me. I would always have that tingle in my heart whenever I was intimate with you and with all the little nice interactions we had, my ice heart started melting for you”.

“Trust me, I know the feeling”, she assured him between giggles. “I also have to apologize to you. The insults weren’t one-sided. And I know you might think it’s all your fault now, but we both know I was a bitch to you as well. So to start in the right place, I have to say, I’m sorry too”.

“Well… I deserved it”, he shrugged, hanging his head down, but Y/N softly brought it up by taking it between her hands.

“No, you didn’t, Lando. You filled me with compliments, and now it’s your turn to take them”, she said. “You also have the kindest heart in the world. You take care of people, and you’re always the energy in the room. You’ve taken care of me on times I needed, and you brought light into my days. You taught me the purest form of love. You make me laugh, and you make me feel like a princess whenever I feel like I'm a monster. You're a good person, Lando. So if anyone is a bitch to you, they better apologize”.

“I used to be so scare of love, but you make it so easy”, Lando looked at her with adoration in his eyes, feeling so great to have his face between her hands. “I love you so much”.

She smiled at him, knowing for sure that now it was safe to say it back. With her eyes filled with tears, she admitted: “I love you so much too, Norris”. 

Y/N pulled him for a sweet kiss, finally pouring all the feelings she had for him into her actions. And he savoured every single second of finally having his dream girl all to myself. Lando slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her even closer.

“I thought I had lost you”, he whispered against her lips, feeling his eyes welling up with tears of relief. He felt it all too hard in his chest. “I'm so glad you're here with me”.

“Yeah, I thought we were doomed”, she admitted too, lacing their fingers together and giving his hand a squeeze. “But love always finds a way”.

“For you, I'll hang the stars in the sky, only to bring them back down if you want them back”, he confessed, now pulling her face between his hands. “I hope we can finally stop with the PR thing, or the friends with benefits thing, or whatever other stupid label between us, and properly be a couple”.

She giggled with him and nodded in agreement. “I want it all with you, Lan. You and me, to the end of times”.

“Forever, my love”, he pulled her for a hug and pressed countless kisses to the top of her head. “Also, now that you’re finally talking to me, congratulations again on your Emmy nomination. I’ve never been so proud of you”, he poked her sides and she laughed with his actions.

“Thank you, love”, she kissed his nose, making him blush a little.

“I’ll never get enough of praising you for this. I was so happy when I heard the news. I knew you were extraordinary, and it was just a matter of time until they recognized it”, he affirmed. “I almost exploded for not getting to celebrate it with you”.

“To be fair, I celebrated it crying alone in my room”, she confessed between laughs. Lando's heart faltered at the confession and his smile dropped. Y/N deserved a proper celebration to this incredible achievement in her career.

“You're kidding, right? So we have three things to celebrate tonight”, he said, making Y/N frown in confusion.

 “What's the third thing to celebrate?”

“My grand prix win, your nomination and our love, now very much official”, he cracked a smile, making her laugh with his statement. Y/N just had to pull him for another hug and lots of cheek kisses.

“You’re so adorable”.

“Come on, let’s get ready. We have a party to go to”.

As she watched him waltz into the bathroom for a shower, all smiley and happy, Y/N felt her heart lighter again. Everything was exactly where she wished for it to be, and she could finally enjoy it all with him. Love is weird, and sometimes it blossoms in places you would never expect. But it’s good to know you’re loved back, especially by someone as amazing as Lando. In the end, love always makes it right.

⋘ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 // 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋙

⤳ 𝐚𝐝𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 - @celestialams @lizaschronicles @kapsylia @igotnorrrizz @hiireadstuff @bishhhitsaurion @mrsmaybank13 @bborra @sltwins @riccdannyf1 @67-angelofthelordme-67 @ctrlyomomma @lan4cha16 @alltoomaples @ellen3101 @hellyesjaehyun @tastebaldwin @sweate-r-weathe-r @carmenita122 @m0cha-bunny @lqvesoph @itscrzy @fangirlvibez @poppyflower-22 @livelovesports @logischeroktopus @happy-jj @saturnbloom77 @cmleitora @formulaal @secretgal66 @taisferrari-blog @sunsshinesunny @eclipsedcherry @tems13 @readingbringsjoy @naanibubbletimmispeach @kenzeyeballs @alilcloudy @architect-2015 @tillyt04 @eringaitskill @honeyhatty12 @dreamercrowd @demig0d0fapollo @mxmtewnz @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @beyond-the-ashes @ijustgomessitupx @floraav @laiba26mindflay3r @books0fever @marialovesf1 @sltwins @ourteenagetragedy @katieschry1 @loveofmylife12 @diaa-20 @urfavsgf @chilisandmilk @elleeeee21 @likedbygaslyy @notturlover @c-losur3 @brizzy-xo @gorgrussell @ellasaddiction2 @morketheduck @kravitzwhore @darkacademicvibes @jenna123456789 @crispymcniall @minkyungseokie @theovalentine @arsyao @phantomxoxo @noobmaster6931 @ohlahlaa @c0rpsecore @rafegirly @darleneslane @annalisenelson @nataliambc @amorydsmt @slytherinholland

crossed means i can't tag you! dm me and maybe we can get it fixed

[thinkingotherwise]

I’ve recently gotten into Wind Breaker myself! It’s hard to find blogs who are into it, so far, so I was excited to see you do!!♡

If you don’t mind, may I request Sugishita and Sakura (separately) coming to terms that they have a crush? And and, said crush is also a secret admirer of theirs. The mutual pining… how long would it take for them to spill the beans, or would reader have to take it into their own hands? All the fluff ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶

Thank you so much!♡have a great day!

I'm very happy that Wind Breaker is becoming more and more popular, it's really good and I can't wait for next chapters and episodes to come.

The both of them are so awkward, that they would certainly need some help to make them realize someone has a crush on them.

Kyotaro Sugishita, Haruka Sakura x Secret Admirer! reader

Kyotaro Sugishita

Kyotaro got to know he had a secret admirer because of Tsubakino. It was they who saw the little snacks and notes appearing in the younger boy's locker. He didn't tell anyone about it because he honestly didn't know what to make of them and so Tsubakino had to help him realize that the gifts he received were given to him by someone who clearly had feelings for him. It was evident, especially by the sweet notes.

That got him thinking, about the possibility of someone liking him, and that made his feelings all confused because there was someone who already had a piece of his heart for themselves. Kyotaro liked you, and he came to that conclusion all by himself. You were usually helping out Kotoha in the afternoon, buying her stuff, and being a waitress whenever more clients appeared. He found you really adorable with the apron on and the small smiles you sent everyone.

He had the biggest problem of his teenage lifetime to solve, even worse than the fights, because he started liking you and now there was someone who was leaving him all these notes, meaning he had someone who liked him. Kyotaro didn't know what to do and how to resolve the "love triangle" he found himself in.

How his heart felt lighter when one day he saw you sneaking into the school and leaving the very familiar snacks and notes in his shoe locker. "Oh my, what is that, Kyo?" His hiding spot got exposed when Tsubakino stood behind him and noticed you near the locker. "(Y/n)!" You felt a shiver running through you as you quickly turned toward the familiar voice of your senpai.

They called after you and when your eyes met their and Kyotaro's you became alerted and flustered. You wanted to get away but you were frozen by the uneasy feeling and embarrassment of getting caught. It was then that he got to understand you were his secret admirer and it was you who got him all those snacks and notes, and that the "love triangle" situation was resolved like that.

Kyotaro let out a sigh clearly relaxing as his gaze was still stuck on you, then like a lightning bolt his cheeks became red. Your senpai cooed at that swinging from side to side with a wide smile on their face.

Cheering you on they pushed Kyotaro in your direction making him almost smash into you but he stopped just inches from you. "Do you... want to go... out?" He asked clearly confused about what exactly to do. You nodded your head quickly muttering 'yes' in agreement and Tsubakino cheered loudly saying they would immediately tell Umemiya about this. Hearing that Kyotaro became even more flushed and you lightly chuckled at his expression.

Haruka Sakura

You fell in love with him the moment you saw him protecting the townsfolk from some gangs. His fighting style was amazing and so eye-catching and his confidence was really doing something to you. After that, you saw him more and more often, with his friends on patrol, eating some food in a nearby cafe, or helping others and fighting. Then you started hearing things he and his friends were talking about, it's not like you were eavesdropping on them on purpose, it's just they were quite loud and you were nearby.

You heard that he wasn't eating well, so you took it upon yourself to leave him small fruit bentos or juices. You thought keeping him healthy would benefit not only you seeing him stronger but also others as he'd have more energy. Yes, that certainly was your reason too also start adding some notes whenever you saw him beating someone up, saying how cool he looked.

Suou and Nirei saw the gifts and after talking things through with Haruka, who blushed all the time and told them they were saying bullshit, they started seeking out a person who could leave them on his door handle.

After several days they noticed you always staying nearby and carefully watching Haruka with amazement in your eyes. His friends pointed you out making him flushed because you were pretty, like really pretty in his eyes and you admired him for his fighting style. He then experienced the same phenomenon as you did with him, Sakura started seeing you more frequently around town, sometimes trying to protect people and helping around. Even though he knew it was you who left him the healthy bentos, he was scared to confront you and tell you he also liked you.

Then one day he opened the doors because he heard something scratching at them, only to be face to face with you, who was hanging the small fruit bento on his handle. "Umm.." You took the gift back from the handle and looked startled at Haruka. He was as surprised as you not knowing what to do his gaze fell on you then on the bento and again on you. His face became more flushed with every second.

"You- the fruits- note." He stuttered out nervously but then turned away quickly composing himself before meeting your gaze. "You are the one to leave the fruits and notes, right?" He said and you decided that it was a "now or never" moment. "Yes, I'm (Y/n) and I really admire you and your fighting skills, and if you'd agree I want to go out with you. Please." You confessed in one breath pushing the fruit bento in your hands in front of him and bowing.

The silence was evident and you became worried. As you raised your head you saw Haruka bright red with his hand covering half his face as the other gripped the doors. He gulped loudly before he replied. "Actually, I wanted to ask you out to thank you for all the food." His voice was shaky from nerves as he took the bento from your hands. "Yes, of course!" You said loudly and then coughed and corrected yourself. "It would be my pleasure."

Tags: @misticbullet

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card: Month Ahead #01

This was written for May 2024 but with the intention to be timeless, so even if you find it later there might be a message for your next month.

We'll look into your energy coming into the month, but also what will be the theme/area of focus and what you'll need to pay attention to, as well as the surprises that might come your way.

It's my first time doing a pick a card like this so we'll see how it turns out! I love doing those privately though.

As always, be mindful that this is a general reading meant for multiple people so it might not be 100% fitting for your situation, and that it's based on the energy you hold at the moment of selecting a pile that draws you to one of them.

PILE 1

Cards: Page of Cups, Queen of Wands, 9 of Cups, Ace of Swords, the Emperor, Strength, 5 of Cups, the Moon, Queen of Cups, 5 of Wands rx, Ace of Pentacles, 4 of Cups, Page of Wands

For your energy coming into the month, I see you being in a state of being in tune with your heart, opening up to the possible rise of a new romantic connection. I get the sense that you're cautiously optimistic about it, because while you feel confident within yourself and in a happy place, you're also aware that it's too early to tell. But you're not letting that deter you and you're fully embracing your own power, feeling good about yourself and where you're at while looking ahead hopefully and waiting for an opportunity to move forward. I think for you the process of the month ahead has already started a bit before the start of the new month and you're continuing the process.

When it comes to the theme of the month, I see the importance of putting your emotional fulfillment at the forefront and being actively working towards it. There is a need to bring clarity about the situation, clarity that will bring you contentment and tie loose ends. You will be determined to work through that with willpower and determination by taking the lead and stop wasting time around. I think you are seeing the path forward for this connection and you're determined to go for it and not let it escape. You got four cards here and they all represent a different element, which I interpret as the fact that harmony within and for yourself will be a big theme as well. Between your feelings, your thoughts and your actions, everything will be grounded in your authentic self.

I think these past few months have not always been great for you and you're determined to leave that behind and enter the new chapter of your life. You've learned all you had to about your old ways and now you're ready for a change. So for the goal you'll have in mind, you will be focused on not falling back into the same patterns of thoughts and behaviors and keep moving forward with determination and a sense that you can't go back to what you once where.

The challenge that will arise will come from your own psyche. I get the sense that you still have unresolved issues within yourself that may cloud this great picture, so you will have to be extra careful about not letting your fears and doubts making you spiral down and do or say something that doesn't align with your truth. You might go through times where you feel irritable or anxious and you may take that as a proof that things are going to shit again and you might want to run away, but it's an illusion. It just means that you still have some inner clutter to sort out. Be careful about not shutting yourself off from others as a reaction to your inner pain.

When it comes to a surprise coming your way, it seems there will be an event that will create a shift from a confusing and chaotic situation to one of open communication of feelings, laying out a more positive base for the future. I'm getting the sense that this is what the theme of the month was referring to, and while you seek it, you don't really know how it will unfold so it will still be a surprise when it happens. When this even happens, be as open and honest as possible in order to clear out any possible miscommunication, be kind and listen to what the other person has to say with empathy and love at heart.

What you'll have gained by the end of the month will be a stable and solid start towards the future. Things are blossoming but you'll have learned that there's no point rushing into anything and that things come when the time is right. You'll be set to build on that for the months to come. Maybe the start of a new commitment although things are in their very early stage.

As a final advice, it is important not to shut yourself off from your emotions and not to stay stuck in your old ways of remaining passive. Stay open and assertive, go after what you want and I get the strong message that you need to communicate openly about everything that isn't clear in this connection. Don't just wait around for things to fall onto your lap. Be passionate and enthusiastic and again be clear about your intentions. Also, you're learning something new and important so be gentle with yourself if you don't get everything perfectly from the get go, what matters is to do your best.

PILE 2

Cards: King of Wands, Queen of Cups, the Lovers rx, 8 of Cups rx, Queen of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, Memento Mori, 10 of Swords, King of Pentacles, Queen of Wands, 2 of Wands, The Chariot, Knight of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles, 3 of Cups rx, 7 of Cups

For the general vibe of this pile, it feels a bit overwhelming like there is so much to pay attention to that you are somewhat disconnected from yourself as a result, because your feelings are so confusing that you get lost in them. There are A LOT of court cards, which may mean that there is a situation that brings the intervention of a lot of different people, perhaps it will be busy at work, or something involving family, creating a very messy situation where everyone has something to say and you can't hear yourself anymore. Really there is so much external influences here that I had a hard time picking up on YOU until the end of the reading.

For the energy you have coming into the month, I really think you are in a committed relationship with someone (and if not it's not your pile), but there is a big disharmony here. It seems one of you is on the way out of the relationship (represented by the King of Wands), and the fact that the Queen of Wands shows as a challenge later in the reading, I'm getting that this person already has someone in mind. It seems you are longing for the way the relationship used to be and it feels over, but you are having difficulties moving on right now. It's also possible you're just longing for the idea of Love altogether and wishing you could drop everything you have right now to run towards it. There is a choice to be made but right now at the end of the month, you are not making a move one way or another.

The theme of the month to come for you pile 2 makes a lot of sense considering what I already wrote. You will have to focus on your own clarity and get grounded in yourself, trying to find stillness in the chaos that surrounds you in order to get the answers you need, based on your own guidance. I'm also getting that you feel resistant to change and the call of life, and that you may feel a bit dead inside and numb as a result. There is a need to find excitement for the miracle of life again which has been lost due to your complex situation. ''The meaning is in the Middle'' is what's written on the card and writing down in case it speaks to anyone.

For what you'll consciously focus on this month, I'm getting just like...trying not to break down completely and at the same time keeping up with your demanding job and practical life issues. Perhaps this impending breakup is causing financial stress and you don't know how things will turn out. So your goal will be navigating that in order to stay on top of things both mentally and professionally/financially.

Okay this is where it finally clicks because I was confused whether you where the one with the third party of the one who is perhaps cheated on. With the King of Pentacles longingly looking at the Queen of Wands (the third party I mentioned before - don't take gender into account though) standing next to him, I'm getting that YOU are wondering how to welcome this new passionate connection into your busy life and how to make it fit from a practical standpoint with your current relationship. The Queen seems to be both a challenge and an opportunity, I don't necessarily get that this Queen is a bad omen, it's just a difficult situation that require a choice on your part.

For the unexpected thing that will happen this month, I'm not getting a particular event but rather, how it will change the course of what you're doing. This surprise will force you to weight your options and start pursuing what you desire, getting out of that rut you are in. There will be progress moving forward as I don't think you'll be left indecisive for too long. There is a sense of urgency here, whether it's perceived or true, you will feel it deeply and it will push you into actions. You will be surprised by how determined you suddenly feel after the indecision of the past.

What will be gained after the month ends is a newfound stability as you'll have regained your footing. From that point in the spread it's like things have cleared up a bit and there's open space. There is a new beginning on the horizon but unlike the urgency that led you to that point, there is now the need to take things slow and build strong foundations.

The advice you got was that, well, it's time to choose what you want to do with this third party. You can't keep holding things like that without making a choice. You might also need to distance yourself from bad influences around you like friends or family and again focus on yourself. The second advice is about restoring some type of balance between giving and taking. It seems someone has or will give you something and you'll have to give something in return so that not to break the flow of the relationship.

PILE 3

Cards: 4 of Swords rx, 8 of Pentacles, 4 of pentacles, 3 of Pentacles rx, 7 of Pentacles, 9 of Pentacles, 5 of Wands, 9 of Wands, Justice, 4 of Wands, King of Cups, the Moon, 9 of Swords, Temperance, 6 of Swords, the Fool

For your energy coming into the month, I see that you might have been feeling burnt out for a while now due to over-exhausting yourself with work or your studies, something you've put a lot of care and energy into in any case. You feel stagnant and somewhat demotivated and the whole thing is weighting on you. It's like you've put so much effort into working on this issue that you feel totally depleted emotionally. However, you can't seem to let go a bit in order to get things flowing again and you remain stuck, fearing everything is going to go to waste if you relax a bit.

The theme of this month will be to find your support system and reach out for help in order to get you to find new solutions to your issue. Not everything can be done alone. Furthermore, not every project can be rushed through all the time, sometimes you have to let it rest for a bit and let it grow under the surface of the soil. You will find great benefit from focusing on your own enjoyment and pleasure for a change in order to find a new perspective on your situation.

Despite that, it seems your mind will still be set on proving yourself this month. It's like, you feel burnt out and stagnant, and instead of getting the cue that you need to slow down a bit, you look at others and wonder why you can't hustle like them. Basically you're sensing there is an issue but you're trying to solve it in a toxic way by comparing yourself to others and feeling threatened by their success, triggering your self esteem issues.

The challenged you will have to face have to do with accepting to restore the balance in your life and take a break to have a bit of fun. Sounds like a false problem but it seems it's quite difficult for you to do at the moment because you're so focused on your tasks. It's a critical point though because if you don't cut off the toxic behaviors that are burying you into the ground, you will face the repercussions of your own non-action further down the line. You might have a hard time socializing because your heart is not there and you might feel left out, even though it would do you good to get a change of scenery and get out of your cave for a while.

For the unexpected thing that will happen this month, this will have to do with some type of emotional reconnection that will lead to more balance. It's very possible that it'll be uncomfortable at first as all the negative feelings you've been pushing under the rug all this time are resurfacing, but if you manage to stay afloat you will find a greater sense of mastery over them. I'm not getting anything precise as to what's gonna happen, but it will have to do with you being forced to take the blindfolds off and finally pay attention to your mental health. This might be the inner crisis you need to get back in a better shape.

What will have been gained by the end of the month has to do with leaving behind this way of doing and thinking you were holding onto at the beginning of the month. You will finally be able to get moving again, even if it will feel somewhat bitter and hard to do, remember it's for the better because you could not keep going on like you did.

The advice for you to help you navigate things is to not take everything so seriously all the time. Don't focus too much on what's not working or what you could do better or even on what you can't control, but try to find hope and the sense that a new beginning is at hand if only you open yourself up to it. Whoever is sending you this advice really encourages you to enjoy the little things and find your youthful spirit again. Things won't stay bleak forever so the best thing you can do is let yourself move along the stream.

[plush-rabbit]

The One Where Adam Steals Lucifer's Babe

Word Count: 4.9K A/N: I had an idea about this, but I wanted to get it out. This was supposed to be headcanons, but it turned into a story!! woo(•_•)  This is also not done. Like I wanted it to be be headcanons so bad, but i need to establish a plot line because im like dumb. um, so yeah. if this does become anything more, i think max three chapter Its written as if Adam is a sinner so yeah!! -

Dating the King of Hell should be easy- nothing short of bliss and love. And it is easy being with the King of Hell, when he has to make appearances, and he has to put up a front. But being with Lucifer is much more difficult. You know he’s not over Lilith, and you aren’t even close to being a replacement for her. And yet, he keeps you around. You can trick yourself that he still wants you, that maybe he does enjoy being with you. But lying to yourself doesn't make anything easier. You walk out of the castle without a word to Lucifer, childishly hoping that he’d figure out that you weren’t there on his own. On your stroll to nowhere in particular, you check your phone constantly, hoping to see a missed message or call from him- some type of form that he still takes notice of you. You have to silence your phone when you feel tears prick your eyes at the empty screen.

You wind up in some sleazy bar, a bit too tipsy, and far too melancholic�� to do anything more than swirl a glass of alcohol with melting ice. You watch the condensation drip down the side of the glass, creating a ring over the coaster. Beside you, the chair scrapes, and your spirits are lifted. It’s Lucifer! He’s chased you down and now he’s going to apologize and proclaim his- your shoulders fall when you realize that it’s not Lucifer. The realization leaves you cold and far lonelier than you initially were. Instead, it’s Adam- the First Man. You wonder for a brief moment if he even still calls himself that.

“Mind your fuckin’ business,” he sneers, sitting beside you. He lifts his hand, and the bartender pushes a glass and a bottle towards him, muttering something about a tab under his breath before turning his attention elsewhere. 

You heard he had become a Sinner- the very thing he sought to kill for entertainment not that long ago. However, you had yet to see him since he was stabbed by Niffty. You wonder if his new form has a hole in his back now.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he tells you, malice tinged at his words, but he makes no real motion to actively wave you off. You’re sure he would have if he was still divine.

A closer inspection reveals that he’s in far worse shape than you could have imagined. A beard that’s in the awkward phase of growing out, deep bags under his eyes, and gaunt cheeks. Hell has not been kind to him. But, what else could you have expected? He was an exorcist- the exorcist- and now, he’s stuck in Hell. Honestly, you should be surprised that his head isn’t mounted somewhere.

You turn back to your drink, and wipe a line of condensation off. “I’m surprised you’d even show your face around these parts,” you mumble, taking a swig of your drink. It burns going down, and you try to hide your displeased expression.

“Fuck you,” he hisses out, taking a long drink from the bottle.

“You know, as a former exorcist, I’d suggest being nice to demons around these parts.” You raise your hand at the bartender, and he walks over, and places the tab in front of you. “You never know who you’re gonna piss off next.” You leave a hefty amount, enough to cover your drinks and leave a pretty tip. 

“What? You’re gonna sick Lucifer on me?” You turn to him, embarrassment hot on your cheeks, and he wears a crooked smile. “Your face and his are plastered everywhere I look.”

With a sigh, you push the check away from you. “Must suck for you,” you mumble. His response is to take a drink from the bottle. “I hated having my picture taken before,” you tell him, unsure if he’s even listening or not. “I felt that they never really got my good side.”

“I’d get photographed all the time in Heaven,” he says in a low tone after a moment of silence. “Bitches could never get enough of me.” You scrunch your nose at the word, and fold the straw wrapper into squares. “Fucking loved it.”

“Wish I loved the camera.” You cross your ankles together, tucking them under the seat of the stool. “I hated being looked at.”

There's a pause in the conversation, long enough that you believe the small talk has ended. You could go back to the castle but if Lucifer hadn't taken notice of your absence, you'd surely have a breakdown. Maybe you could go to the hotel. Charlie would understand. “You still get your picture taken?” Adam asks, his voice startling you. 

You tilt your head to the side, underneath the seat, your legs twist around themselves. “Not as often as I used to. I think it was more like uh-” you wave your hand around and the folded wrapper unfurls itself- “shock value? I think. Like the King of Hell downgrading to some resident.” You smile bitterly. “Not even a Goetia or anything.”

“A Goetia?”

“These magical birds.” You look at him. “You’ve been in Hell for a bit, haven’t you? I’m surprised you haven’t heard or seen them.”

“I don’t get out a lot.”

“‘Cause you’re hated?” You ask, a wicked tone laced in your words. Adam responds by  mocking your voice with the same question. You scoff with a smile on your face. “I wonder why, if you’re such a peach.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

It’s silent. And you watch as the bartender grabs your drink, leaving the coaster behind. A memory of drinking with Lucifer pops into your head- his honeyed smile as he pours you a glass of wine that you would have never been able to afford, to even be aware of such a delicacy that existed in Hell. Never would he have taken you to some dingy bar where less than savory individuals reside. 

You’ve been taken care of. Pampered and adored for a considerable amount of time, before all the light had dimmed. You should have never allowed yourself to get used to such treasures. You glance over at Adam, and wonder if he can understand. “Do you come here often?” You ask him, crossing your arms over the bar. He chokes on his drink and slams the bottle down. He gives you a bewildered stare and you raise your shoulders defensively. “What? I’m just asking,” you say. “The bartender looks like he knows you.” You catch the bartender’s eyes and he quickly looks away. “Or at least enough to keep a tab open.”

“There’s not much to do around here,” he answers.

You fill your cheeks with air and let it slowly blow out through pursed lips. There's plenty to do- sort of. Minus the drugs and sex, most of Hell's greatest features are stuck in other rings. “There’s the Cannibal Sector,” you offer. “You gotta be careful but Rosie is nice and she sells pretty things. I have this hairpin in the shape of a human hand.” Adam gives you a look. “It might be a real hand, huh.”

“The fuck are you even doing out of your castle.”

You deflate. “Rough night,” you say with a sigh. “What about you?”

“Rough night,” he answers

You nod in solidarity. “I’m not usually a drinker,” you confess. “The taste is a bit too bitter for my liking. But being at the castle just wasn’t-” it’s not for you, the pampered life, acting as a placeholder, the King- “I didn’t want to be there.”

When Adam fails to say anything else, you feel embarrassed to even say something like that to the former angel beside you. He wouldn’t care. He shouldn’t care. Why would he ever worry himself over the likes of you, when your supposed partner couldn’t. He sniffs, and places the bottle down. It’s nearly empty. 

“Where do you want to be then?” His eyes are still golden, unblinking as he stares. 

Gold meets your own eyes, and you flicker to the horns over his head, curling overhead much like his former exorcist mask. You look back at his eyes, at the way he holds the bottle loosely. “I don’t know,” you confess. 

There’s a moment of silence, and he finishes the last bit of alcohol. You wonder how many he usually drinks before he goes back home. “You wanna come over?” He asks, and there’s a shade darker that brushes against his cheeks, and he tries to ask nonchalantly, but he toys with the words, and he swallows too harshly for him to not be worried about your answer. As if he’s asking some forbidden question. But, you’re lonely, and you don’t want to be alone in a bar longer than you already have been. 

You look at the exit, half-hoping that Lucifer would be there, ready to take you to his home, and a part of you is glad that he isn’t there. You look back at Adam, and nod your head. “Lead the way,” you tell him.

The sound of the bartender yelling behind you about a tab, has you smiling, feeling as if you’re dining and dashing despite you having paid for your portion. Adam doesn’t seem to care, walking without breaking a stride, just waving his hand without looking back. 

It doesn’t take long before you’re climbing up steps that need to be looked at, rust falling off with each bounce. You’re sure that you can hear something unsavory going on in a room, but a whistle from Adam has you scurrying along. There’s no reason that you should know anything more than you already do. 

You enter his apartment, and take a careful look around. It’s messy- clothes strewn across, dishes left out, and you feel pity for him. A single couch is close enough to the rather small television, a coffee table that has paint chipping and dents is one of the few pieces of furniture in the rooms. A sliding door is closed, a few broken blinds giving you just a glimpse into the outside. “You certainly,” you pause, trying to find something nice to say, “have a place,” you end defeatedly. You stand near the door, clicking the lock into place, as if that would protect you from any dangers out in the world. Perhaps you should be worried about Adam, about the angel who would bear his fangs and be drenched in blood, too excited about senseless murder. But you catch him kicking things under the couch, trying to spruce up the place even if just by a smidge.

“Fuck you,” he says without conviction. He grabs at a pile of clothes and tosses it on top of a chair, leaving the couch clear for you and him to sit. Smiling softly, you take a seat. He places himself close to the arm rest, and watches as you look around. “I uh, I clean- sometimes.” He sounds unsure of himself.

“I like cleaning,” you tell him, grabbing at a magazine on the worn out coffee table. It’s some tabloid, and you see a snippet of you and Lucifer in the corner. You turn to the page where you two are supposed to be. It’s titled as “Issues at Home?” You frown, and turn to another page. “I like organizing and stuff. Um, it helps uh, Lucifer. He does a lot of projects.”

“You don’t got any?”

“I have hobbies, but they come and go.” Your eyes skim the page, talking about Velvette’s new clothing line. You pull your lips into a thin line, a part of you wants to wear her outfits, but you aren’t sure you could pull them off. “It’s all just-” you flutter a hand in the air- “you know, stuff.” You place the magazine back on the table. “What about you?”

He smiles and leans back on the couch, the cushion creasing under his weight. “I like to play the guitar.” You perk at the mention, and watch as he rests his hands over his stomach. “I was in a band. Played the guitar, got all the chicks that I wanted.”

“Were you good at the guitar?”

He nods his head. “Oh, you should’ve fucking seen me. I was like a fucking god on stage.” He holds his hands out and mimics a guitar. You huff out a laugh, and watch as he lets his hands fall. “I got to fuck whoever I wanted. And I mean, who wouldn’t want to fuck me? Look at me.” he tosses you a lazy look, matched with a sly smile, and you can see how people would be attracted to him. “I was the first dick– of course, everyone wanted me.”

“What songs would you perform?”

“Rock mostly.” He scratches the back of his neck. “Crowd went wild.”

“You’d perform in heaven?”

He shrugs. “Most of the time. If I felt bold, sometimes the band and I would do a show on Earth. I’m telling you humans would just throw themselves at you, begging to be fucked in some grimy ass restroom.”

You scrunch your nose. “Sounds gross.”

“It was,” he says with a faltering smile. He cocks his head to the side, and there’s a softness to his words. “Gross as shit, but the girls were hot.” 

You cross your ankles together, and turn to face him. Your arm cushions itself between the couch and your head to watch him. “Do you not play anymore?” you ask hesitantly,

He sucks on his bottom lip, teething at the skin, before letting it go. “I haven’t tried to summon my harp- guitar- shit, thing, since I’ve been here.” He closes his hands into a loose fist and kicks his legs up on the beaten coffee table. “There’s this pawn shop a few streets down, and they have this guitar for sale.”

“Are you thinking about buying it?”

“I have other shit to worry about.” He gives you a look, a fleeting sense of  exhaustion and acceptance that washes over him, that makes him feel a bit more real, a bit more like you. “It isn’t even that good.” He sounds like a child, trying to justify something to themselves. “It’s beat up, and the strings are probably worn-” he shakes his head- “it's not worth it.” You open your mouth to reassure him that it probably is worth it. That despite the condition that it’s in and the price for it, if he wants it, it's worth it. Even if he could never play it, even if it’ll never be restored to its original beauty, it would be his. You only manage to suck in a gulp of air, when a knocking at the balcony door grabs your attention. “Some fucking bird that keeps bothering me.” He looks over at you, and glances back to the door, and back at you. “I have a balcony. Wanna sit outside?”

You nod quickly, closing your mouth. “Yeah.” 

He walks past the door, and leaves it open for you. Just like when you entered, you close the door behind you, half-heartedly hoping that it won’t lock behind you. His balcony holds two chairs- both different kinds and both equally as rough looking. A part of you wonders where exactly he got this furniture. There’s a dying plant shoved in the corner, the leaves brown and stem wilting under the weight of the dying leaves. 

“Quit judging,” he snips. 

You scoff, a smile teasing at the corner of your lips. The air of Hell is cool, wind breezing over your skin and you stare down into the streets, watching as Imps and Sinners live their lives, peacefully uninterrupted. Sitting down, your breath hitches when the chair dips under your weight. It’s quiet between the two of you, silence in each other’s company where you both just stare at the world in front of you. 

You can see the holy light from the embassy, and you can see Heaven’s light- the rings that are protected by wings. It lights up the night sky far better than the pentagram ever has, and sitting under the light of it, makes you wonder if anything is different in Heaven since Adam’s death- or rather, reincarnation. “Do you miss Heaven?” You ask, before you can register the weight of the words that it holds. You turn to him, almost scared of any answer that he would give.

“That’s a stupid question,” he spits out. You don’t respond, and you stay looking at him. He turns his head to avoid your gaze, his legs stretching out in front of him. After a beat of silence, he looks ahead of him. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “I do.”

“What do you miss about it?”

“Full of fucking questions, aren’t ya?” He stays silent, and after a moment, he lets out a soft sigh. “Everything.”

“There’s not many stories about Heaven down here. You know, minus the ones that we all know. The golden gates-”

“Pearly gates,” he corrects. You look at him, and he has his eyes casted down. “They’re pearly.”

“The pearly gates,” you correct, “the clouds, the happiness and peace. I just- Other than that, there’s nothing else to go off of. But I guess, why would I know. Heaven seems so far away, like some mythical place.”

“Your boyfriend doesn’t talk about it?” Adam asks with a sneer.

“No,” you answer without hesitation. “He doesn’t like talking about Heaven. Sometimes-” you lick your lips- “Sometimes it feels like he hates everything and everyone down here. Like he can’t stand the idea that he’s stuck here.” You scratch your neck, and pinch your legs together. “It’s like the memories of Heaven are too painful.”

“That magazine said y’all were breaking up.”

“Maybe,” you answer.

“You can talk about it if you want. Would make this night a helluva lot more interesting.” You look at him. “I’m all ears.”

“And horns,” you tease.

“Fuck you,” he says with an impish tone.

You smile, and kick out your legs. Your phone buzzes, and with hope, you believe that it’ll be Lucifer. Your heart sinks when it’s only a notification from Sinstagram. With a frown, you silence your phone. “In the beginning, it was easy to forget that he was married. I mean, I always knew. He has her portraits hanging, and he talks about Charlie constantly.” You smile bitterly and scratch at your phone case. “I don’t blame him for that, but-” you shrug- “it hurts knowing that he still clings to her.” When Adam stays silent, you continue. “He can be kind- real attentive and sweet. But sometimes, when he’s had a uh-” you struggle to find a word- “a bad day, he gets real low. And I hate to admit it, but he gets clingy and it’s nice to know that I can still serve him in some way.”  Your fingers pinch at the bridge of your nose, and you let your hand cover your mouth. “But then, there are moments, where it feels like he’s actually looking at me- where he’s just everything,” you say wistfully, your hand stretching out in front of you, clasping around the night air. You glance at Adam, who watches your hand as you pull it back to yourself. “Sorry, I uh, I didn’t mean to ramble.”

“So why’d you leave then?”

Perhaps you’d get a biased opinion- you’re aware of how Adam feels over Lucifer, and practically every other inhabitant of Hell. He thinks of himself above any other, his own pride being the very thing that made him unaware of Niffty running towards him. You chew on your lip, your hand scratching over your neck. You need to speak to someone. No one else at the hotel will ever give you a straight answer- or at least the answer that you want to hear.

With a sigh, you kick your legs out in front of you. “I like Lucifer.” You can feel his eyes on you. “But, sometimes,” you drag the word, and your body feels hot, “it’s like he’s not present in the relationship. He gives a lot, but he hardly ever asks for anything.”

There’s a pause. “What could you even give him?” he asks in sincerity. 

There’s a pang in your chest, wrapping tightly, threatening to crush your bones, and leaving you a battered and broken mess on Adam’s balcony. You can’t give him anything that he doesn’t want. He has his daughter, he had his wife, he has his title for better or for worse. All you can offer is a moment of content, and even then it seems that you can no longer do that.

You shrug your shoulders at an attempt of a weak answer. “I know that he’s still not over his wife. Or ex-wife. I'm not too sure of the title and I hate to ask. He gets all mopey and deflective.” You kick at the ground, and insecurity hugs you tightly, and drips into your words. “He stares at portraits of her, and well, it’s hard to compete with the literal Queen of Hell, when I’m just-” your jaw stiffens, and you look at the ground through blurring eyes- “me.” You stand in her shadow without even having met her. “Even when I dress up, I feel like a child playing pretend. I don’t- I’m not like her.” You’ve stared at her portraits that still hang in the palace, and they consume you. Her smile, her delicate hands, and the elegance that is so evident in portraits.  It feels childish to compare yourself to someone so regal and poised. 

“Yeah,” he sighs. “My ex was pretty hot.” Your eyes widen, and you turn to him. “They both were.” He lets out a sigh, and keeps his eyes fixed in front of him.

“Adam,” you squeak out. “I’m sorry.” You shake your head, blood rushing to your face, making your body uncomfortably warm. “I hadn’t meant- I didn’t mean to talk about her with you. I’m so sorry.”

“The fuck are you apologizing for?” He asks, eyes narrowed and mouth twisting to an ugly sneer.

You cross your arms over your chest, bringing them to an ‘X’ where your hands curve over your biceps. “It’s just that I’m talking about Lucifer and your ex-wife.” You frown when he gives you an ugly look. “I just- I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

He gives a shrug of his shoulders, his gaze still focused elsewhere. “Lucifer already talked shit about how he banged both of them. It's whatever.”

Your brows furrow, and you watch as Adam pats his pockets, fisting a hand into one of his pants pockets. He fishes out a pack of cigarettes, grabbing on and sticking the tan end of it into his mouth. He motions the carton at you, and you pull your mouth into a thin line. 

“If you're gonna bitch about smoking, you're one lame sinner.”

“Eve? He slept with Eve, too?”

“Oh shit.” The cigarette hangs between his teeth, until pulls it back into his mouth. “You didn't know.” He almost sounds apologetic. He grabs at a lighter and it takes a few clicks to light the white of the stick.

“He doesn't really talk about his sex life before me.” You slump further into yourself, your nails scratching over your skin. “It's in the past. I know I shouldn't be hurt over what he's chosen to share with me, but-” you toss your head back, and in the red sky, the stars are dim. “I don’t know. It just feels like another kick on a shitty night, ya know?”

“I’m shitty?” He almost sounds offended. 

“No, no” you shake your head. “If anything, you’re like the one good thing out of this night.”

“Yeah, well, you ain’t so bad yourself.” You turn to him, your head cocked to the side. “You got a nice body. If you weren’t stuck here, I would’ve bagged you already.” You stretch your lips thin, and Adam shrugs, blowing out a puff of smoke.  “You’re easy on the eyes.”

“Thanks Adam,” you say hesitantly. He holds out the cigarette towards you and you wave your hand. “I’m good.”

“So what now? You gonna go back to him?”

“I don’t even think he knows that I’m gone,” you say honestly. The confession makes you feel lighter than you thought it would. “It’s comfortable with him. It’s easy- I don’t have to worry about things, but, I also don’t have to worry about anything. And sometimes, I want to worry. I want him and I to argue about dumb shit, and I want to worry if he’s coming to bed or not, and not being resigned to the fact that I know he won’t.”

The silence is broken by the scraping of the chair, and you watch as he rises, stretching his arms above him, the cigarette pinched between his fingers. “Eve tolerated me,” he says quietly, letting out a breath of smoke. You look at him, biting at the inside of your cheeks. “She loved me for a while. She was devoted to me. But I uh- I’m pretty sure that was because she was made from me.” A hand cups over his side. “Blind loyalty or whatever. But when she bit that apple, whatever she felt for me was gone.” He speaks quietly, and slowly, as if the words and the thoughts of it were slowly piecing themselves together, a puzzle that he had long put away in order for it to never make sense. “She didn’t care what I did as long as I left her and the-'' someone below lets out a scream, and Adam turns to you, his face flashing a moment of vulnerability before he looks away and puts out the cigarette under his boot. “Well, Eve was Eve.” His brows soften, and he looks tired. “I didn’t tolerate her.”

“Meaning?” You ask quietly.

He shrugs. “I did love her. She had a part of me after all.” He looks over at you, and his hand tightens over his side, pulling at the fabric. “But that’s not important anymore.” He turns away, and walks back inside. You scurry after him, making sure to lock the balcony door behind you.

You stand awkwardly in the room, unsure of what to do next. Truth be told, you had planned to spend the night in some dingy motel if Adam hadn’t sat beside you. But now you’re here, in his dingy apartment, truths and insecurities laid out for the two of you to bear witness. A part of you wants to bid him goodnight, and maybe when you’d see him out in the streets, you’d give him a  cordial nod, and remember how he listened and talked about his ex-wife, and he’d remember you in positive light, despite you only being a mess of insecurities wrapped in sin. 

But now, you don’t want to leave. At least a part of you wants to continue this conversation, to keep the comfort wrapped tight around you. You tap your foot against the ground and Adam looks at you, his eyes staring at yours, unwavering from yours. You hadn’t realized just how powerful he stood beforehand. 

“You can stay if you want,” he says slowly, unsure of the words that he’s saying. “Take the couch or whatever,” he attempts to sound indifferent, but you can hear the sincerity in the words, uncomfortable, but sincere. “I got a spare blanket you can use.” His teeth are sharp, and they peek out to tease at his bottom lip.

“Really?” You ask, eyes wide and you take a step forward, and he looks away. “I can?”

His mouth thins into a grimace, and he gives a forced shrug. “Do whatever you want.”

You look at the couch. It wasn’t uncomfortable to sit on, but you’re sure you’ll wake up with a sore back. However, you don’t want to go back to Lucifer, and you don’t want to go to some dingy motel where you’re sure you’ll drink until you’re sick. Looking back at Adam, you nod, a smiling teasing at the corners of your lips, and he finally looks away from you.

“Yes!” You clear your throat. “Yes,” you say in a softer tone. “I’d like that. Thank you, Adam.”

“Whatever.” He walks into his bedroom, and you sit on the couch. He returns with a blanket, and he stands at the end of the couch, looking at you. “I’m not making you breakfast or anything. You gotta figure that shit out on your own.” You nod. The only real worry that you have is that your phone’s battery is at an uncomfortable percentage that you aren’t sure is going to last you.

“I hope Hell is nice for you.” He raises his brows at you. “It’s shitty and the smell of decay is always kinda there, but sometimes, it’s nice down here.”

“Hell is supposed to suck.”

“And it does,” you say with a shrug. “But not all the time, Ads.”

“Don’t call me that.” He tosses a blanket at you- it’s thin and threads have begun to unravel at the seams, but it’s soft. “I’m turning off the lights.”

“Goodnight,” you call out, holding the blanket close to you. You can only smile when the response is a closed door.  

[shiro-s2e2-erukinzu]

Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 97... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

OMG OMG OMG OMG!! THIS CHAPTER WAS AMAZING...!!! 💗😍💗

This chapter goes into detail about Mathra and Henderson's pasts together, and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!! 😍 So without further ado, let's talk about Mission 97 shall we...? 👍

The chapter began with Henderson talking to the matron, who mentioned that she overheard that him and Mathra made quite the darling couple, then Henderson says...:

I LOVE THIS PANEL SO MUCH!! 💗😍💗 And I was like: Suuuure Henderson, y'all are "Just Friends"...!! 😏

Then it cuts to the past and we see a young Henderson watching a young Martha preform ballet at a New Year's party talent show at Eden Academy...:

...AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE SAID "ELEGANT"!! IT WAS BECAUSE OF HER!! 🤩

(This is just so sweet, man...!! 💗🥹💗)

Anyway, after Martha's performance she gained friends, while Henderson lost friends, all because he called her performance elegant and got the nickname Mr. Elegant...! 👌😌 (I say it was worth it...! 😎)

Some time later, Henderson is having some tea before class and Martha comes across him. He then offers if she wants some and they start hanging out together...!! 🤗

Three years later, we see Henderson getting harassed and by these three jerks for just being who he is, when suddenly...:

MARTHA (I mean, Lady M) CAME TO HELP HENDERSON!! 😆 (She also said the "human beings ARE animals" thing that Becky said all the way back in Mission 25!! 👏😆 So that's where she got it from...!! 😌) Henderson then scolds Martha for using her ballet skills for fighting, but then she brings up that he threw a punch too and runs off to tell his teacher of his inelegance...!! 🤣

His teacher brings up that Henderson has been boycotting his military training courses and if he keeps it up, he'll get a Tonitrus Bolt... After that, Martha meets up with Henderson, who declares to fight not with his fist, but...:

In that moment, Henderson decided that he was gonna change the world with education. But in doing so, he started to push Martha away... 😔 (She even asked him if he was gonna invite someone to the graduation dance and he told her that he doesn't have time for something like that...! 🥲)

After a brief flash forward of Martha telling Becky about her past with Henderson, we go back to the past to see a nineteen year old Martha, who's now in her last year of Eden:

A new faculty member has joined Eden Academy, and it is none other than Mr. Elegant himself, Henry Henderson!! 👏😆:

AND THAT'S THE END!! 😱 Is this going to be continued in the next chapter, or is this a one and done type situation...?! 🤔 Which ever way it's gonna go in the next chapter, I ADORED THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH!! 😍

I'm a sucker for learning characters pasts, so this chapter was super enjoyable for me!! 😄 Especially since WE'RE FINALLY LEARNING ABOUT WHAT HENDERSON & MARTHA'S RELATIONSHIP WAS LIKE!! 😍

Gosh, I could probably talk about this chapter for hours, but I think I'll stop here for now...!! 😁 I really hope that there's gonna be a second part to Martha and Henderson's story because I'm so invested in them!! 😆

But anyway, that was Mission 97, I clearly loved it and I can't wait for the chapter!! 😁 So until the next Mission; take care, be safe out there and be kind to each other...!! 🤗

Also, I love that we get to see a young Donna Schlag as well:

We haven't seen her since Mission 61!! 😆 But yeah, that's pretty much it!! See you all in the next one...!! LATERS!! 👋😄

[tobiasdrake]

Incidentally, we can't really talk about pragmatism without talking about Future Trunks.

Krillin is a devious and underhanded martial artist, but still a martial artist. Trunks is an assassin. He goes straight for the throat at every opportunity. He's not here to fight; He's here to kill.

Much like his father, Trunks is not a martial artist. Every bit Vegeta's son, he's naturally gifted and has already become a Super Saiyan by both of his first appearances - in the story, when he fights Frieza on Earth, and also chronologically in Trunks the Story: A Lone Warrior.

I can't really say he's untrained. He was trained in the basics by Gohan. But Gohan is also not a martial artist; He's had one year and six months of proper martial arts training. One year from Piccolo and six months from Krillin.

Gohan's a fighter, guided by emotion moreso than technique. So there's a limit to how much Trunks can learn from him. Even Gohan admits that he's a poor substitute for his dad.

This, I should note, is a meaningful admission from Gohan because this chapter was published at the very beginning of the Cell Games. Gohan outright saying "I wanted to follow in my dad's footsteps but the clothes aren't enough" sets up an important contrast to the Gohan of the present time who has had that time with Goku and is ready to take his place.

But his concession of inadequacy is important for how we interpret Trunks as well. Trunks knows the stuff. He can perform Bukujutsu. Throw ki blasts. Power up into a Super Saiyan. But he's not Goku or Krillin or Yamcha or Tenshinhan; Like Gohan and Vegeta, he is a fighter, not a martial artist.

His heart is in the right place, but he's reckless and foolhardy. Chomping at the bit for a piece of vengeance.

This recklessness carries into his journey to the past. He never quite learns from his brief offscreen shitstomp by the Twins. He returns to a point in history just after Goku's return from space. Historically, this was a key moment in history where Goku showed up in the nick of time to save Earth from Frieza and his father King Cold. Which should technically be Great King Cold as it's Cold-Daio but he's far from the first king to have his Greatness dropped in translation, eh Piccolo?

But when Goku's late to the party, Trunks starts to worry and decides to step in himself.

Look at him. The spitting image of his father, full of piss and vinegar.

It's here that we get to see Trunks as a fighter for the very first time. Even chronologically; In Trunks the Story, they skip most of the action; It's very brief.

I mean. It's an absolutely hilarious joke that we see Trunks flying off half-cocked to go get revenge and then he's waking up from a coma on the very next page. Amazing cutaway gag.

But we're here to talk about Trunks's DNA as a fighter, so Frieza offers us the first material we have to work with. And Trunks? He does not fuck around.

Your soldiers are dead. Who's next?

You're dead. Who's next?

Your father's dead. We done here?

Trunks gives zero shits. In the span of two chapters, he massacres Frieza, Cold, and all of their soldiers without an ounce of hesitation. He is not playing.

He was even paying attention to the part where Frieza can survive grievous amounts of harm and come back. He takes great care to thoroughly and utterly annihilate every last bit of Frieza. Taking no chances.

Trunks isn't here to fight. He's here to kill. He is not interested in a protracted martial arts bout.

This fight, incidentally, also gives us a moment to talk about Trunks's sword. Cold-Dumbass thinks Trunks's sword is the key to his power.

He's an idiot. There's a reason he only exists for like three chapters and one page of a fourth. This man doesn't even understand how weapons work in anime.

Japan and the West have very different relationships with weapons. When Westerners think of weapons, we think of guns. Even when we write medieval weapons, we treat them like guns. Guns are disposable tools that bestow killing power upon their wielder. Any average Joe with a gun suddenly becomes a lethal warrior.

But Japan has a rich history and philosophy baked into their culture surrounding weapons and their role in martial arts. In anime, a weapon does not grant power; It manifests power. The weapon is an extension of its wielder. It's a means by which the wielder expresses their own strength.

In Trunks's hands, that sword can cut through Frieza. Because Trunks is powerful, and his might outshines Frieza's.

In Cold's hands, however, that sword is harmless. Because Cold is weak and cowardly. (Uh, relative to Trunks.) He has no power to express.

But Goku is strong. Goku knows power intimately, far beyond Trunks's understanding. And so Trunk's sword, his expression of power, is useless against Goku.

This is what Trunks's sword means, to him and to the story. It's an extension of his character and his strength; The means by which he delivers his killing force. Which is precisely what makes this moment so devastating.

When 18 breaks Trunks's sword, she breaks Trunks. The damage to his blade is honestly not that severe. It could probably be reforged. But the damage to Trunks's self-image, to his psyche, is unshakable.

Trunks never uses his sword again. He leaves it on the plane here.

And then we never see it again. Instead, Trunks decides to pursue greater martial arts training alongside his father, following in Vegeta's footsteps.

But he never quite loses his assassin streak. Though he begins to develop his abilities as a fighter from this point forward, Trunks is goal-oriented. He wants to kill the Twins. He doesn't care how that happens.

In the original version of these events, before Cell further altered the timeline, those blueprints were the key to Trunks's victory against the Twins of his timeline.

Though Cell has no idea how Trunks pulled off this victory despite being too weak to defend himself from Cell himself, the discovery of Gero's lab offers us a possible explanation.

The Twins have shutdown switches built into their systems. Though 17 destroyed the remote Gero built, Bulma is able to use these blueprints to build a new one.

So there's a solid implication that the weaker Trunks of Cell's timeline took Bulma's remote home with him and disabled the Twins that way. Again: He's not here to fight. He's here to kill. It doesn't matter how he does it.

...well, I guess it does matter 'cause that Trunks got wasted by Cell five minutes later.

Point is, Trunks wears his goal-oriented ruthlessness on his sleeve. He's not driven by pride of by love of the art. He has a job he's here to do.

However that single-minded focus, that determination to get it done, also holds him back. Trunks has never had proper martial training. He's been taught by Future Gohan, who is not a martial artist. And he's... taught himself near Vegeta. His developed his abilities and increased his strength, but he doesn't know fighting the way Goku or Krillin or Yamcha or Ten do. Nor does he have Vegeta's natural brilliance and general understanding.

Trunks, for all his strength and all his determination and all his killing instinct, is an amateur. We all know what happened to him in the last fight he ever fought here in the present.

Vegeta breaks the limits of the Super Saiyan and realizes that this power is good but comes at a cost, so he should only do it sparingly.

Goku breaks the limits of the Super Saiyan and realizes this form sucks and is stupid, and decides to go a different route entirely.

But Trunks breaks the limits of the Super Saiyan and goes "AWWW YEAH THIS IS THE SHIT GIMME THAT POWER" because he doesn't know. He has a killer's instinct, not a martial artist's. He's never been trained in technique.

We see, over the course of this series, both Trunks's strengths and his weaknesses as a fighter. In every altercation, he goes straight for the throat. Which is brutally effective when he has the power to back it up but Trunks, more than anyone, is vulnerable to a crushing defeat if he doesn't have the Power Level to back it up. He has nothing else.

Still, he gets to go out on a high note. His final chapter sees him return to the future, not with the remote but with the great strength he gained in the Room of Spirit and Time. And he gets to clean house his way - slaughtering the Twins efficiently and thoroughly, in true Trunks fashion.

And also getting Cell for good measure.

Godspeed, killer. You were the best your world had left to offer but you rose to the occasion, and that's the most that could be asked of anyone.

[narryffdreaming]

A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — FOUR (II)

Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.

Rating: +18

WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.

PART FOUR: 21k words (I) - 11,2k words (II) - 9,8k words

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR (I)

"Okay, I'm good," Aurora says, standing next to Megan and behind the couch. 

Ahead of them, all of their friends are already out there, near the water. Listening to music, drinking, and chit chatting while soaking under the Italian weather. 

"And thank you, by the way," she adds. "I'll owe you for the rest of my life."

Megan laughs and shakes her head, then turns to look at her. "Don't be silly, it was nothing."

It wasn't, though. 

Because when Aurora hesitated to leave the bedroom, Megan was quick to catch on her nervousness and stay behind with her. And she was also kind and sweet when asking if Aurora wanted to talk about it, or if there was anything she could do to help. 

Then, when Aurora shared that she was self-conscious about how she'll look in her clothes, Megan was also empathetic of her situation. She seemed to understand it isn't just about her body, but also about what all those clothes represent to her. Because Aurora doesn't feel the same as when she was in her twenties and started dating Zack, so she doesn't want to wear clothes that will make her feel like that old version of her. She wants to move forwards, not backwards. She wants to be better, not go back to being the same. 

So Megan stood behind and helped her feel more comfortable about herself, supporting her decision of wearing the colorful one-piece she'd bought instead of the bikini Maddie had packed for her, and then even offering her own linen shirt for Aurora to wear on top of it. Which, as it turns out, ended up being a great idea, and the last push she needed to feel that boost of confidence inside her. 

"You look incredible, by the way," Megan says.

Aurora looks down at her feet — her bare feet — and smiles. "Thanks."

And she means it. Because, truth be told, right now Aurora feels good about herself. Her legs are out and her boobs are definitely about to get some sun — as they deserve — but that doesn't mean she's half-naked. Her stomach is still covered, and her bum isn't completely out in the open. Besides, that shirt's making everything way more comfortable.

"Shall we?" Megan asks. 

"Yes." Aurora nods. "Let's go, c'mon." 

Megan leads the way, then, while Aurora follows her closely. 

Once they step outside, it's easy to say that it's the most breathtaking view Aurora's ever seen. Despite the coastline being at sight, it feels like they're completely by themselves, surrounded by nothing but water while facing the sun and the different shades of blue that blend in the horizon. 

Lucy, Ava and Maddie are sitting by the pool, while the boys stand by the swim platform — Theo and Niall facing the yacht, while Jayden, Daniel and Harry face the horizon. 

A shirtless Harry, though. 

A shirtless Harry facing the horizon, with his bare back fully exposed to her. 

And although Aurora tries her best to appear nonchalant and unaffected, it's hard not to feel her legs wobbling, or her mouth watering up. Because those black shorts he's wearing are really short, and there are so many muscles popping out that she wouldn't believe him if he said his body is built the same way as anyone else.

"Baby! Moonshine!" Niall cheers, raising his hands. "Finally!"

Everyone turns to look at them, and Aurora slows down slightly, almost hiding behind Megan. 

"Took you long enough," he adds, opening his arms for his girlfriend. 

Aurora watches as Megan smiles and rushes to him, hugging his waist while he holds her shoulders and kisses her temple. 

It's cute. 

They're cute. 

So Aurora smiles, too.

And then she just stands there.

Awkwardly. Not really knowing what to do with her legs. Or with her hands. Or with herself. 

She glances to one side, admiring the blue horizon, and to the other one, appreciating the coastline one more time. And then, she faces forward, and her eyes automatically land on Harry. Again. 

He's turned half-way towards her, drinking beer while glancing at her feet, then running his eyes up her legs, drifting from her knees, to her thighs, and her hips. She doesn't know if it's intentional, like before, but it doesn't seem so, because when he gets past her chest and neck, then finally meets her stare, he widens his eyes and chokes. 

He actually chokes — just like when they were in the car and she teased him about speaking Italian. Coughing and leaning forward while hitting his chest. 

And yet… It's not just like when they were in the car, is it? Because now the boys are quick to tease him and laugh at him. And because now Aurora feels the heat spreading through her cheeks, and the nervousness taking over her belly. And because now it doesn't feel like just a friendly joke, because apparently Harry got flustered for getting caught. And because he got caught checking her out. Checking her body out. 

So instead of acknowledging what happened, now Aurora pretends not to see it. And not to hear what's being said. And as she pretends everything is normal, she turns around and walks towards the girls. Knowing very damn well that, at the same time, there's a new feeling lingering inside her. Like a tingling. A feeling that's running through her veins, and that's making her anxious to see what could come next. Or where it could end. 

That tingling is growing. And it's getting serious.

Aurora can't explain it, or put it in words, but she feels it in her bones.

She's sitting on one of the steps leading to the swim platform, where everyone is just hanging around. 

Her lungs are full from ocean air, and the wind keeps whipping her hair, but it also makes the sun on her face feel less aggressive than it felt earlier in the afternoon.

Harry's sitting right in front of her, by the edge of the platform. Bending one leg at the knee and the other falling to the water while he hooks his arms around his thigh. His stunning smile seems to shine brighter than the sun, and once in a while she can see him slightly turning his head to look at her, or maybe just peeking through the corner of his eyes.

And as she talks to her friends by her side, or as she watches Lucy, Maddie, Ava, and Theo finally jump into the water, she knows she's been glancing at him non-stop, too. Because she can't help it. It's like someone casted a spell on her and she's now hypnotized.

The worst part is that Harry isn't even trying. He just keeps listening and nodding at whatever Daniel and Jayden are talking about, occasionally throwing his head back in laughter or being loud and goofy for apparently no reason. His dimples keep showing up as he speaks and smiles, and every time he laughs, his mouth falls open and his eyes wrinkle. 

The image of him being that happy is breathtaking, but the sound of his laughter astonishes her. It makes her heart beat faster, and to hope for him to sit next to her and give her all of his undivided attention. 

Earlier that day, Aurora fell asleep on his chest. Harry held her between his arms, and gently took care of her. She melted into him, more than once. She felt his fingers against her skin, and his lips on the top of her head. She remembered how tender and affectionate he could be, and she's still aware that everything she could think about when she woke up from her nap on the plane, was how cozy and warm she'd felt when cuddled by him.

However, hours later, Aurora finds herself watching him from a new perspective. One that doesn't take away what she already knows about him, but only adds more valuable information. It just makes him look even better in her eyes. 

And she knows she's never paid this much attention to Harry's body. Not like this, anyway. In all the years they spent together, she never observed him too much to actually know what anything besides his face looked like. Not only because the opportunity never came up, but also because she never thought about looking at him like that. So she has no idea if this is how he's always looked or not, but right then and there, Aurora is convinced Harry is bloody fucking hot. 

He is drinking beer, and everytime he takes the bottle to his mouth the muscles on his arm flex. He is also chewing gum, and the movements of his jaw are absorbing. The veins on his neck keep popping out, and his broad shoulders keep bringing up the memories of the many times she has hugged him and rested her chin on top of them. 

In all of those "many times", not even once it crossed through Aurora's mind the idea of hiding her face into his neck, breathing him in and kissing every inch of skin she could reach. But right then and there, it is all she can think about.

For the first time in too long, Aurora feels flushed. 

Actually flushed. 

And she has no idea what to do with that. Because it's becoming very clear to her that different parts of her body are suddenly awake, and that's all because of him. 

All because of Harry. 

Harry!

"Can I ask you something?" Megan asks, taking a seat next to her. 

Aurora jolts slightly, blinking as she shifts her eyes to her friend and nods. "Yeah, sure." 

Megan bends her legs and hugs her knees, turning her face towards Aurora and murmuring as she asks, "Is there something going on between you and Harry?"

Aurora widens her eyes. "What? I mean, why?"

"I don't know," Megan murmurs, making sure the conversation stays only between them. "I hear him and Niall on the phone sometimes, so I kinda figured something was up. But then today I saw the way you look at each other, and y'know, everyone's just been joking about it all day… So I thought… Y"know."

She shrugs.

Aurora bites the inside of her cheek and nods, taking the information in. She doesn't know how they look at each other, but she's aware that they've been doing it a lot. And she didn't actually hear what the boys said when they were teasing him, but she knows it happened. Just like she knows the girls were teasing her. So, yeah, she gets where she's coming from. 

And yet, there's one piece from that weird and unexpected puzzle that Aurora can't make sense of, so she asks, "He talks to Niall about me?" 

Megan smiles, and nods. "I mean, they're always talking about you… But… You didn't know that, right?"

Aurora shakes her head.

"Yeah, I should've figured… I mean, from what I heard and—Oh my God!" Megan widens her eyes and grabs Aurora's arm. "Rory, I don't usually go around telling people's secrets, ok? Especially Niall's. I'd never do that. I swear."

Aurora chuckles, stretching her legs and crossing one ankle over the other. She takes the opportunity to glance at Harry, who still seems pretty entertained with whatever Daniel is saying to him.

"Don't worry about it," she says, looking back at Megan. "What do they talk about, tho? I mean, what is there to talk about me?

Megan withdraws her hand and places it back on her lap, then peeks at Harry and curves her lips into a smile.

"I find it very sweet, actually," she says quietly and softly, then looks back at Aurora. "He always asks Niall if he heard anything from you, or how you are, and how's Noah… Those kinds of things. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but… I don't know. I don't really know you guys that well, but Harry seems to really care about you, and from what I've heard today, you deserve to get over your ex, so… I don't know… I guess I thought you should know… Because… Yeah… I don't know why."

They both laugh, and Aurora nods at her.

"Thanks for letting me know. I'm really confused about the whole thing, but thanks anyway."

"Do you want something to happen? Like, have you ever thought about it?"

"What? Me and Harry?" Aurora practically mouths. And when Megan rolls her eyes, she laughs and shakes her head. "God, no… Never. I mean… I haven't thought about anyone since Zack, to be honest."

"Hmm." Megan nods. "But you're single now, and Zack isn't in the picture anymore, right?"

"Right."

"Wouldn't it be nice if something happened between you and Harry, then?"

Yes.

Aurora shrugs. "I… I don't know. I feel very weird about it."

"Why?"

Exactly, why?

Why would it be weird? 

If everything around him feels so natural and effortless… Why would it be weird?

Aurora chuckles and groans, looking at her feet and shaking her head. When she speaks again, she lowers her voice as much as she can. "I just saw him again, Meg. Literally. Like, after years without seeing or even talking to each other, y'know? So it's just… Weird."

"Do you find him attractive?"

Fuck yes.

Aurora rolls her eyes, and shrugs. 

"Oh my God, you totally do!" Megan claps her hands together, giggling before tapping her fingers on her knees. "You find him attractive and you're shy to admit it!"

"Shhhhh," Aurora whispers, clenching her teeth and widening her eyes.

"Sorry, sorry." Megan giggles. "I just love this!"

The way Megan radiates joyness at the whole thing makes Aurora chuckle, and she shakes her head, then scratches the tip of her nose.

"I think you should go for it," Megan adds.

Maybe…

But no.

Mostly because Aurora doesn't know how to do that anymore. There used to be a time when she had fun flirting with guys, and when she didn't doubt her instincts. Now, though? Now it's like she doesn't even have instincts anymore. It's like her mind isn't telling her what to do anymore. Or her body isn't reacting by itself anymore.

Besides, they've just seen each other. After six years. 

Aurora reaches for her necklace, then. "Wouldn't it be too fast, tho?" 

"I don't know…" Megan shrugs. "I'm hardly one to talk, tho. I met Niall at a bar on a Friday night, went back to his place and didn't leave until Sunday morning, so…" She shrugs again. "We clicked, and that was it. Was it fast with your ex-husband, too?"

Aurora snorts. "No, not at all. We were co-workers first, and we were friends for months before Zack asked me out on a date. It also took him months to officially ask me to be his girlfriend."

"Mhmm…" Megan nods, half-smiling while glancing at Harry, then back at her. "So… You took your time getting to know each other, and yet you still divorced him."

Aurora scoffs, then narrows her eyes. "Yeah, okay. I see where you're getting at." 

Megan shrugs and beams at her. "Yep. I'm getting at the fact that maybe it's not about time, it's about the person."

She looks so proud of herself for coming up with that conclusion, that Aurora ends up laughing. And maybe her laughter is a little bit louder than it should be, because it seems to get Harry's attention. She notices it when he turns his head and looks at her, and when she really needs to hold herself from looking back at him. 

"God," she breathes out, looking down at her thighs and grabbing her necklace between her fingers. "I feel like this is too much information… Like, my head can't get around this. We literally just saw each other. This morning. After six years." 

Aurora laughs, and the incredulous tone gives away the nervousness behind her thoughts. And behind her feelings.

"Like I said, I think you should go for it. He's totally into you… I mean, there's absolutely no way he isn't."

That's the thing, though… Absolutely no way? Really? What if they're wrong?

"Right… Well… I don't know." Aurora sighs. "I need some time to process this."

"Okay, yeah. So let's stop talking about it. Let's just… Y'know… Enjoy the view… The sun, the water… Also," — Megan leans in, and hides her mouth from any potential pryers —  "you should think about it while you stare at those tattoos. And those mind-blowing abs."

Aurora laughs loudly again, mostly at the fact that Megan is suddenly comfortable enough to joke like that around her. 

"I mean," Megan adds. "If Niall asks, I find them ridiculous, ok? Not my type. Ew. But… Y'know… I truly, truly hope you get to enjoy… That."

"Y'know," Ava says, standing near the couch and placing her hands on her hips. "Those colors look really nice on you." 

Aurora stops walking and looks down at her body, meanwhile taking a sip from her piña colada. Her breasts are right there, popping out at her, Megan's shirt long forgotten after she decided to spend a few minutes in the pool with Lucy. And she had missed showing them off. They used to be her favorite part of her body. 

"You think so?" she asks. 

"Totally!" 

Aurora giggles. She walks down the steps to the outdoor lounge, smiling while getting closer to her friend.

"Where did you get it?" Ava asks. 

Aurora takes another sip of her drink and closes her eyes. Tasting the pineapple, coconut, and rum inside her mouth. 

"God, this is delicious…" She opens her eyes and glances back at Ava, then giggles. "Sorry… Hmm… It's actually Mara Hoffman, I got it on sale."

"Wow!" Ava smirks. "I love fancy Rory! It's perfect for the occasion."

"Shut up." Aurora laughs, waving her off. "It was the first thing I bought after I signed the divorce papers." She shrugs. "Felt kinda liberating."

"Ohhh, let's toast to that, then!" Ava runs closer to Aurora, raising the hand holding her drink.

They giggle while clicking their glasses together, each taking a one-long sip right after.

"Wait, no!" Ava cries. "We skipped the speech!" 

"We don't need a speech." 

"Yes, we do! Every toast needs a speech," Ava says, but proceeds to take another sip of her drink anyway. 

"Okay, lemme hear it, then."

"Okay, so," Ava says, and rolls her shoulders.

Aurora takes another sip, enjoying her drink while she listens to the unnecessary speech. 

"Here we go." Ava clears her throat, and raises her glass. "To our newly divorced, incredible, breathtaking, hot, sexy mama, who's—"

Aurora chokes, spitting half of her drink out of her mouth before she can even try to cover it up. Part of it goes down Aurora's chin, and the rest directly to Ava's chest and belly. 

There is a short silent pause, then loud laughter takes over the two of them. 

"Oh my God!" Aurora yells, whipping her chin with the back of her hand. She hunches down, laughing and putting one hand over her stomach.

"Moonshine!" Niall shouts from where he is sitting, next to the pool. "Are you drunk without me?!"

"'M not drunk!" Aurora shouts back, still laughing at the way the drink sneaked out between her lips. "Ava is just… Oh my God… She's just being stupid!"

Ava gasps, then shoves Aurora's shoulder. "Hey! I'm not stupid! What did I do?"

Aurora's still laughing, but she lowers her voice to make sure nobody listens when she explains, "You called me sexy mama." 

"Ohhh! Well that's just 'cause I think you are a sexy mamma!" Ava finishes her drink, glancing over Aurora's shoulder before smirking and looking back at her. "Besides, I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who thinks that."

Aurora sips her drink, and narrows her eyes. "What?"

Ava puts her empty glass on the table, then turns her back to the water, forcing Aurora to turn around too, standing in front of her and facing the opposite side. "Harry won't stop looking at you."

Aurora rolls her eyes. "That's not true."

It is, though. She knows that.

"Yes, it is. C'mon, it's so obvious… He doesn't even try to hide it anymore." 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mhmm… Okay then." She wiggles her eyebrows and leans closer to her. "Auriiii."

Aurora purses her lips, doing her best to keep a straight face. It only lasts three seconds before laughter comes out of her chest, though, and she shakes her head. "Shut up…"

"Ah!" Ava squeals. "See?! You know!"

"Stop…" she practically cries, raising her arms and hiding behind her hand — and her drink. "I feel so silly about this!"

"No! Why? Rory, oh my God. It's so sweet. Really. I'd truly love that for you. He's such a great guy."

Aurora puts her hands down from her face, then shakes her head. 

"I don't think it's the right time to be thinking about this."

Ava snaps her eyebrows together. "Why not?"

"I just got divorced and—"

"Na-na-na!" Ava shakes her head, waving her hands in front of Aurora's face. "Don't give me that bullshit again. It's been months now, Rory! C'monnn… How long since you've had sex? Huh?"

Aurora shrugs. "I don't know."

Ava rolls her eyes. 

"Yeah, right," she snorts. "Of course you know. Just tell me, c'mon."

Aurora takes a sip of her drink, shuffling on her feet while gathering enough courage to speak. 

"I mean… We ended things over a year ago, and before that it had already been a while, so…"

"So…" Ava smiles, wiggling her eyebrows again. "It's time to get laid." 

Aurora snorts. "No it's not."

"Yes it is. You deserve to get laid."

"Stop."

"Roryyy…"

Aurora chuckles, shaking her head. "Why are you so excited about this, anyway?"

"Because you deserve to feel good, Rory," Ava says. "And because you deserve someone who'll care about making you feel good."

Aurora raises her left eyebrow. "And you think Harry's that person?" 

Ava nods. "I know for a fact he is."

"How—"

"Look, don't think too much about this, okay? Just enjoy it."

Aurora sighs, rubbing her forehead and shaking her head. 

"Don't you think it's nice?" Ava asks, then, placing one hand on her shoulder. "That excitement of meeting someone? That tension before something happens?"

Aurora looks over Ava's shoulder, seeing Harry climb back to the yacht. 

He is soaked. His entire body is dripping water, his shorts are heavy and stuck against his skin, and there are no traces of his curls as his hair is pulled back.

She knows that the excitement Harry makes her feel is, in fact, "nice". He makes her feel safe, he makes her laugh, and he makes it seem easy. However, the problem right now isn't him, or what he's making her feel, but how she's reacting to all that. 

So inexperienced and… Childish. Shy. Unsure of herself. 

And she hates that. So much! Because it's not who she wants to be. It's not who she used to be.

Then once again, Harry turns his head to where she is, and locks eyes with her. He pulls his hair back and blinks, then tilts his head slightly and frowns. Almost as if he's asking if she's okay, or what's going on. 

"Are you looking at him right now?" Ava asks. 

Aurora doesn't stop staring at him, but she still nods, then takes the last sip of her piña colada. "Mhm."

"God." Ava snorts. "I swear to God Aurora, it's written all over your face. It's written all over both of your faces. So if you don't go for it… I don't know. I think I'll just kill you both." 

Aurora snorts. Then laughs. 

And Harry smiles. 

And Aurora's belly buzzes. And her body tingles. 

And then she shakes her head and looks down, eying the empty glass in her hand. 

"Okay. I think I need another drink now." 

Aurora puts her empty glass on the table and gets up from the couch, finally — finally — walking back to the swim platform.

Niall, Jayden and Megan are standing near each other, having a loud and enthusiastic conversation about something she doesn't understand. Nor cares about. But she stands close to them anyway, listening and waiting for Harry to come back from wherever he went to just minutes ago. 

Megan's sharing a story about her job and softwares, or something along those lines, when Aurora hears the sound of feet against the wooden deck, and then some coughing. 

Her heartbeat picks up inside her chest, and a fuzzy rush of anticipation takes over her body. Knowing exactly who it is. And knowing she's been waiting for that. That she's been thinking about that. About being around him again, about getting closer to him again. About talking to him again. 

So she bites her lip, and waits. Waits for him to finally stand by her side, or maybe just walk past her and stop right across from where she is. Where he's going to be able to look at her face. 

So she waits, and waits. 

And yet she never sees him.  

Instead, she feels him hunching behind her, and then the way he sneaks his hands under her elbows. "What—"

"Hey Auri," he murmurs, curling his arms around her waist and pushing her back against his bare chest.

"Wait—What are you—"

He tightens his hold around her belly, then lifts her feet from the ground. 

"Oh my God…"

She puts her hands on top of his forearms, and Harry steps forward. 

"Harry!" Aurora shouts, and laughs, kicking her legs as he walks towards the edge of the platform. "No, no, no… Stop! Harry! Stop! Oh my—"

Harry jumps, though, and Aurora gasps as he takes her along with him.

She closes her eyes and presses her lips together, holding her breath and scrunching up her face right before the cold water hits her feet and then her entire body. 

Sounds die down as they sink into the Mediterranean Ocean, heaviness pushing them towards the distant bottom and causing Harry's arms to loosen up around her waist. 

He never lets go of her, though. If anything, he reacts by squeezing her even tighter, pulling them back up with the same confidence and strength he just dropped them. 

It only takes a second for Aurora's instincts to kick in as well, forcing her to move her arms and legs in an attempt to reach the surface. 

The fresh air quickly hits her face, and Aurora gasps for air, deeply and loudly. And then she coughs. And coughs. And coughs again. 

Harry's head comes up from under the water right behind her, and she turns around. 

"Harry!" She laughs, and coughs, kicking her legs to keep her body floating and taking her hair out of her face. 

"Hiii." Harry smiles, moving his arms and legs to stay afloat, too. 

"Hi? Hi?!" The smile stays on her face while she splashes him with water, and he jerks away with laughter. "You're such an idiot!" 

He laughs and shakes his head, curls following his movement and making it rain all around him.  

"I know. Just look at the things I gotta do to get your attention, huh?" 

Cold, saline water washes over her face and drops through her lashes, and Aurora takes one hand to wipe her eyes off. 

"Or maybe you could've just talked to me." 

He swims closer, as close as he can get while they're both kicking their legs to avoid submerging again. 

"Guess I could… But what's the fun in that?" 

She gasps, and splashes more water on him. "What's the fun in talking to me?!"

"Wha—No!" Harry laughs louder, jerking his face away and splashing her back. "Shit. That's not what I meant."

Aurora laughs, too. 

"Mhmmmm, but it is what you said." 

"Ohhh, c'mere jellybean." Harry reaches for her, pulling her arm first, then grabbing her waist and turning her around. 

Aurora squeals, and laughs, and when he presses her back against his chest, she feels herself wavering in the blue ocean. Floating with unsteady movements. And just this close to sinking again. So she holds onto his forearm tightly, tilting her chin up to keep her mouth out of the water. 

"Harry," she cries with laughter, automatically searching for his shoulder with the back of her head. "C'monnn."

"What?" he murmurs, holding half of her weight with one arm while moving the other and kicking his legs.

"My legs are getting tired," she murmurs as well. Feeling the way his body is moving behind her. Too fast for her to actually feel him, but too firm for her not to notice it. 

"Mine aren't," he says, surely of himself. "I've got you, yeah? Just look at the—" 

"Oi!" Niall shouts. "Lovebirds!" 

Harry whirls towards the yacht, pulling Aurora along with him. 

She gasps from the sudden movement, her legs getting tangled with his as they both keep working to stay afloat. 

"This is for you!" Niall adds. 

Aurora faces forward, only now aware that they've drifted to the side of the yacht and that their friends aren't on sight anymore. Niall is there, though, holding a beer while Theo throws something large and orange to the water.

It falls right under the swim platform, and Theo points at it. 

"Take this!" He shouts. "Don't want anyone drowning at my engagement party."

"Thanks!" Harry shouts back, and both Theo and Niall give him a thumbs up before walking away. 

Aurora blinks. Trying to process all the information. 

"Can you swim there? Or want me to get it?"

"Uhm… I guess… I can swim?"

Harry chuckles. "You don't sound very sure." 

"Sorry, I'm just… Confused, I think. Let's go tho, my thighs are burning." 

"Ok, c'mon. I'm right behind ya if you need me." 

He lets go of her waist, and Aurora takes a deep breath in, diving into the water and kicking her legs to swim towards whatever that orange thing is. 

It's not far away, but it takes some effort from someone who doesn't frequently swim. When she finally reaches it, and realizes it seems to be a floating mat, Harry's hands are already on her waist, smoothly helping her climb on it before he does the same. 

She crawls on the orange thick mat, exhaling what to others might sound like a heavy and annoyed grunt, but inside her it just feels like she's pushing all the exhaustion out of her body. 

There's enough room to fit at least five people on that mat, so she pushes herself a little bit further, trying to reach a place that at least feels like the middle. Once she's there, she turns around and sits on her bum, then drops her weight back. 

"Oh my God," Aurora drags out of her mouth, laying on her back and facing the darkening sky while her thighs prickle with soreness. She closes her eyes and places her hands on her belly, trying to catch up her breath. "That was just… Wow… Like a whole… Y'know… Like a whole workout for me..." 

Harry chuckles, dropping his back right next to her. Close enough that Aurora can feel the hair on his arm brushing her own.

"It was good tho," he murmurs, turning his head to look at her. "Wasn't it?" 

His gaze heats up her face, and Aurora blinks, then turns her head and looks at him, too.

Despite the steadiness of his stare, there's some insecurity on his face. Maybe it's the way he furrows his brows, or the way he seems to be biting the skin inside his cheek. Or maybe the way he so intensely waits for her to answer his simple question. 

And yes, Aurora's arms are tired. And yes, Aurora didn't plan to get into the water today. And yes, her legs are sore. And yes she's still out of breath and her heart is thumping heavily. 

But she can't deny how refreshing and invigorating the whole thing felt. Or how she would do it all over again if she could. Or how much she appreciates his spontaneity. And his boldness. Or how happy he makes her.

So she nods, and murmurs back to him, "Yeah… It was."

"Ok," he whispers, taking one hand to rub water out of his eye before settling into her stare again. "Good."

And just like that, it's like once again she's stuck inside a green spell, because she can't pull away from him. 

Drops of water cover his face, his tanned skin glistens under what's left of the sun, and his hair is all over the place. He's breathing in and out heavily, just like her, and she can see through the corner of her eyes the way his chest moves up and down. 

It's tempting, to be honest. And the idea to look down even crosses her mind, but there's one particular curl falling onto his forehead that truly gets her attention. That feels more important right now. So Aurora raises her hand, not even trying to resist the instant urge to touch him as she reaches for his face and pulls it away for him. 

Harry curls his lips into a smile and closes his eyes, and Aurora's heart skips a beat. 

She turns on her side, then, bending her other arm by the elbow and resting on it while she runs her fingers even further through his head. Gently combing his wet hair around his ear, moving up near his temple, and then to the top of his forehead. Curling her legs and making herself comfortable. Losing herself in time as seconds — and maybe even minutes — go by. As the sun sets around them and the sky changes its colors. 

Everything's naturally quiet around them. The mat waves them softly, following the motion of the sea, and although the weather is keeping her warm, a soft breeze from the late hour runs through her body. Making her shiver, and spreading goosebumps all over her skin.

She pulls away, then, but Harry is quick to raise his own hand and grab her wrist, slowing her down. With his eyes still closed, he guides her touch and drives her to slide her palm across his cheek and towards his mouth. And she lets him, biting her lip and watching him in awe. Allowing him to move her as he pleases. Feeling the brush of his facial hair, and also the contrasting combination from the cold water and his blazing skin. 

He only stops when the center of her palm meets his lips, and then he presses a long and wet kiss to it. And another one. 

Aurora sighs, and drops the weight of her hand, spreading it open and placing her thumb on his nose while she strokes her other four fingers up and down his cheek. 

It only lasts a moment, and then Harry finally turns on his side, too, mimicking her position and using one arm as a pillow as he keeps holding her wrist with his other hand. 

"Don't stop," he murmurs.

And Aurora doesn't. She brushes his cheek, gently and steadily. 

Harry breathes out, hotly and heavily into her palm, then draws gentle circles on her wrist with his thumb. Lastly, he folds his legs, and his knees bump into her. And before she knows it, he's tangling their feet together and covering her coldness with his warmth. 

That's when he finally opens his eyes, going straight to her gaze.

"Is this ok?" he murmurs. 

Aurora's heart thuds densely, her chest moves up and down heavily, and her stomach feels like twisting and swirling. 

"Yes," she answers, not giving herself any time to overthink it as she pulls her wrist out of his hold and moves her hand along his jaw. 

Harry smiles, then drops his hand between them. "Promise? Because I can pull away if you want. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

She bites the insides of her bottom lip, watching him carefully before she finds the words to speak. Focusing on how she's pretty sure she's never been so close to him. Not like this, at least. Being able to point out the smallest details on his face. Or to catch the different shades in his irises. Or even to count the hairs across his jaw. 

She doesn't really know what's happening. She doesn't really know how they got there. She doesn't really know how they went from accidentally bumping into each other at the airport, to floating in the middle of the sea and being so focused on each other that they completely ignore the beautiful sight of the sun setting right in front of them. 

But she knows she doesn't want him to pull away. And she knows he's the furthest from making her feel uncomfortable. And she knows she wants to see where that whole interaction is going to take them. 

Saying that to him doesn't feel enough, though. Like it doesn't represent how much he's meaning to her right now and there. 

So instead, she offers, "You made today a lot easier for me. Y'know that, right?" 

There's a flicker of shock in his eyes, she sees it when he widens them slightly and then blinks rapidly. And she feels it when his voice falters. "I did?"

"Mhm." She nods, then drops her hand on the mat. Right next to his. "I'm just… I'm really happy we met at the airport. And that you're here now. It wouldn't've been the same without you." 

Harry stares blankly at her, and then he swallows. It's clear that he doesn't know what to say, and that he wasn't expecting to hear that. 

And to be honest Aurora doesn't know what to say, either. Not beyond what she's already shared, anyway. 

So she waits, and waits. 

Until Harry closes his eyes and sighs, and then he tilts his face to hide in his own arm and chuckles. 

"Jesus," he groans, unable to hide the grin from his face. And when he looks at her, there's nothing but joy, softness and affection surrounding him. "Can't believe how good that felt."

Aurora's belly flutters, and even though she's still out of words, she feels her lips curving into a smile, too. 

Harry clears his throat, then, and whilst he doesn't lift his arm from the mat, he spreads his hand open and shifts it even closer. Enough for him to stretch his pinky finger and softly brush it against hers. 

Aurora holds her breath, and drifts her eyes over his face. 

"I think about this a lot, y'know?" he says, changing his tone into a lower and softer one. "About you."

Oh God. 

"And these past years weren't the same without you, either," he adds, never pausing the touching path of his finger. "So yeah… I'm really happy we bumped into each other today. I'm happy that we're here now."

Her heartbeat echoes from her chest to her head, and then vibrates to all over her body. Making it impossible for her to find something — anything — inside her brain to say back to him. 

So she shuffles a little, lifting her head and taking her hand to her face just to scratch her nose and bring herself back down to earth. And then she lays on top of her arm again, dropping her other hand next to his and moving back into his eyes. 

Once she's settled, she admits, "I don't know what to say." 

He smiles and shrugs, opening and closing his hand into a fist. "It's ok… Will you let me know if I ever cross a line with you, tho? Or if I make you uncomfortable?"

"I don't think you need to worry about that."

His fingers seem to twitch next to her hand, as if he can't keep them still, and yet he keeps forcing himself to.

"I do, tho," he says, and the way he smiles doesn't reach his eyes anymore. "Will you let me know?"

"Of course."

"Promise?"

"Promise." 

"Ok."

Aurora furrows her brows. She doesn't like that. She doesn't want him to be afraid of making her uncomfortable, because she doesn't want him holding himself back. So whatever made him suddenly doubt himself, she wants to change it. She wants to take it back. 

And yet, she doesn't know how to, because she doesn't know what it was. And she doesn't really know how to ask him. Or how to bring it up. 

To be fair, she doesn't even want to talk about it. She's done talking. What she wants and needs right now, it's different. 

It's inevitable, then, to fully glance at him. At the few droplets still covering his tanned and inked skin. His body hair. His necklaces hanging from his chest into the mat. His defined muscles, and also the rolls on his tummy resulting from the position he's in. His still wet swimming shorts. His thighs. His knees, still touching hers. His feet, still tangled with hers. 

He feels like a magnet, pulling her in even though she doesn't intend to move. Even if she knows she shouldn't move. It's like he ignites something inside her. Similarly to when he bought her that caramel coffee and memories from the past crashed against her. Making her stumble, and lose her feet, and fall apart in front of him.

However, this time she doesn't feel like breaking down. She doesn't feel like she's about to cry or embarrass herself. Because the emotions he's bringing out on her aren't bad, nor something to be ashamed of. He's taking her back to a time when, given the exact same circumstance, she wouldn't have thought twice before making a move on him. 

That's probably why she ends up moving her hand to his chest and drawing his collarbone with her fingertips. Or why she picks the tag from his chest and fidgets with it, waiting for something else to happen. Waiting for him to do something next. Waiting for a sign. Something. Anything.

"It's getting dark," Harry murmurs, then clears his throat. "Wanna go back inside?" 

Fuck no. If after everything that happened during the day she just goes back inside with even more questions and less answers than before, she's pretty sure she's going to combust. She'd rather know she's been wrong and misinterpreting things all along, then to go to bed wondering about it.

"Do we have to go?"

"Only if you want to." 

"I don't."

Harry curls one side of his mouth up, offering her half a smile, and nods. 

"Ok then."

She fidgets with the tag between her fingertips, conscious of how darkness is quickly engulfing them. And that they're still laying on a floating mat, by the yacht, in the middle of Italian seawater. 

That being said, it only takes another second for tiny white lights to turn on right above them and all around the yacht. Brightening up not only their faces, but also all the water surrounding them. 

Aurora narrows her eyes and blinks, then glances up at the empty swim platform. "How long do you think it'll take for them to come looking for us?" 

"They won't." 

She furrows her brows, then purses her lips to hold back a smile and looks at him. "You sound really sure of yourself."

He smiles wider, then. "'Cause I am. Unless something bad happens up there or we have to anchor somewhere else, they won't come here." 

"Hm. And how do you know that?" 

"'Cause I do." 

"Harry." She rolls her eyes and chuckles. Desperate for him to give her something — anything — that will give her the confirmation she needs to move forward. "C'mon." 

He chuckles softly, too, then shrugs. "Because they don't want to interrupt, that's all."

"Interrupt what?" 

"Us." 

"Us?" 

"Mhm."

Aurora's heart comes back to life, then. 

She holds her breath, and drags her eyes down to his lips, then to his chin. And then back to his eyes. 

She shuffles closer, but it's so discreet and barely that she isn't even sure he'll notice. And she wants him to notice. So she moves her foot up and down. Stroking his ankle, and his shin. Up and down. Again. And again. 

Harry closes his eyes and breathes out heavily, and the hot air that comes through his nose hits her face warmly and impatiently. 

"What's there to interrupt, tho?" Aurora murmurs, letting go of his necklace and dropping her hand next to his. 

He blinks, staring back at her before he murmurs back, "I don't know."

Aurora mimics his previous move, stretching her pinky and brushing it against his. 

Harry responds by lifting his own finger and hooking it around hers. Holding her tightly and stopping her movements. 

"Whatever you want," he adds.

"What about what you want?" 

Harry smirks. Or smiles. Or maybe it's just a mix between both. "What about it?"

"I don't know."

Harry chuckles. 

Fuck that's getting so confusing. 

"Do you know what I want?" he asks.

Aurora shakes her head, then brushes her foot up and down again.

"Do you know what you want?" he tries again, albeit differently. 

And this time, Aurora nods. 

"And what's that?"

"That you stop confusing me and leading me on."

Harry widens his eyes, then blinks once. And twice.

"And… I also want you to finally make a move," she adds. "Like, an actual move. Something. Anything. I don't know." 

There's a beat of silence.

And another one.

And another one.

And then, Harry cackles. 

He just turns around and bursts out laughing. Loudly and openly. Laying on his back and covering his face with both hands while laughter and more laughter breaks out from his chest. 

Aurora frowns, and suddenly there are just so many things happening inside her. And they are all just happening at the same time. And it's just so much and so intense, that she isn't even sure what she's feeling anymore. What she knows, though, it's that she doesn't like that. And that it isn't fun or amusing anymore. 

"Okay," Aurora says, sitting and then kneeling on the mat. Trying to balance herself while clenching her teeth. "Forget what I said." 

She shuffles and turns around carefully, feeling the water under the mat but also desperate to see the yacht. Desperate to get out of there. 

Harry is still laughing, beaming, when he pulls his hands from his face and looks at her. 

"Oh for fucks sake just c'mere," he says, grabbing her arm and yanking her on top of him. 

Aurora yelps, but doesn't fight him. And as she falls down, Harry takes his free hand to her face and cradles her cheek, then hunches forward and smashes their mouths together. Aurora whines from pure shock, feeling herself flopping into his chest until Harry spins them around and he's halfway on top of her.

He pulls away, then, slotting one leg between hers while holding his upper body on one arm. 

"You're so impatient," he murmurs, looking into her eyes while he brings his free hand back to cradle her face. "Couldn't even give me a minute to react."

She frowns, aware of how her arms are squeezed in between their chests and closing her hands into fist just so she won't touch him. "Your reaction was to laugh at what I said, so yeah. I'm sorry if I didn't enjoy that."

"Wasn't laughing at what you said," he says, brushing his thumb up and down her cheek. "'M sorry. I just laugh when I'm happy, that's all."

Aurora sighs, unable to stay mad or annoyed at him, then rolls her eyes and shifts on her back, pulling her arms up and freeing them out from their chests.

"That was a shitty first kiss," she murmurs, hugging his neck and pulling him closer. 

Harry snorts, then eases more of his weight into her. His bare body finally crushing her covered breasts. 

"I know." Smiling, he brushes the tip of his nose up and down her other cheek, where his hand isn't already touching her. "Was afraid you'd change your mind and leave."

She takes one hand to the back of his head, twisting and twirling his curls while trying to stare at him despite them being so close to each other. "Well… Didn't leave. And didn't change my mind, so…" 

He kisses her cheek, then a little bit to the side, closer to her nose. "So… Still want me to make a move?"

She nods and lifts her leg, hooking it around his thigh and moving her foot up and down. "This time do it properly, though." 

Harry smirks, kissing a little bit further down, and again near the corner of her mouth. 

"'Mkay," he murmurs, and moves to the other corner of her mouth, slightly brushing their lips on his way there. "I'll try my best." 

He slides his hand down, from her cheek to her jaw, then brushes his thumb from side to side at the same time he presses another kiss to her skin. Aurora sighs and closes her eyes, making her hands comfortable in between his curls while she waits for him to finally fully kiss her mouth. Except when he does, he does it softly and barely. A feather-touch that has her puckering her lips and waiting for more. 

"God you're so pretty," he whispers, almost like a secret, then pecks her lips again with the same lightness. Caressing her mouth way more than kissing it. "Can't believe this is happening." 

He slides his hand down from her face to her shoulder, then through her side. Squeezing her waist while pressing another feathery kiss, and another one. Making her body tingle and shiver. Just like the Italian summer breeze did to her earlier that day. 

"Do you have any idea how long I waited for this?" he asks, keeping his mouth close enough that their lips brush against hers as he speaks. Pressing their mouths together just for a gentle second, then pulling away and leaving her longing for more. "How many times I thought about it?" 

Aurora is kind of dizzy, kind of woozy, but his revelation feels too important to ignore. So she opens her eyes, and slides her hands from the back of his head to his cheeks. Guiding him to look at her. Demanding his full attention. "What?"

Harry blinks, the green of his eyes burying into her soul even in the darkness.  

"I just…" He squeezes her side, a little bit tighter this time. As if his words were coming out of his fingertips, instead of his mouth. "Fuck I can't believe 'm about to do this."

He squeezes her again and leans in, then finally fully kisses her. Capturing her lips and not waiting any other second before sneaking his tongue into her mouth. Dragging his hand down to her thigh, then back to her hips, then around her back. Going from gentle to desperate in a blink of an eye. As if he suddenly opened the gates to a lot of piled up needs. 

Yes. Fucking finally. 

Aurora shuts her eyes closed and whines, or maybe it's just a moan. She doesn't know. It just melts out of her throat while she goes numb and dizzy into the kiss. Instinctively throwing her arms back around his neck and tasting his tongue with her own and then pulling him closer, and closer, and closer. Every inch of him. From his head, to his chest, to his leg locked inside her own.

She never knew she would be so relieved to kiss him. Or that her body would just restore to life as soon as she tasted her lips. Or that everything inside her would just buzz and itch for him. 

And they're both just so, so desperate. Squeezing here, pulling there. Tilting heads to one side, and to the other. Licking tongues. Sucking lips. Sighing into each other's mouths. Trying to grab more, and more, and more.

Always more. 

"Fucking hell," he mumbles, then tilts his head to the other side and leans in for another wet, sloppy, and delicious kiss. 

Aurora moans, sweetly and weakly. Almost like she's about to beg for him. And then she drags her hands up through the back of his head and threads her fingers around his curls, holding tightly onto him while Harry kisses the hell out of her. While he drifts his short nails from her back to her ass, then stops where the swimsuit doesn't cover her skin and strokes her up and down. While he squeezes her. And then while he sneaks his hand under the fabric and fills his hand with her cheek, then squeezes her again. Harshly — so harshly and so wildly that his own fingers burn in pain. 

Aurora gasps and jolts closer, and Harry deepens even more to kiss her even more. And more. And more. 

Always so much fucking more. And it's just so, so good.

Harry moves from her ass to her thigh, then grips her flesh tightly before encouraging her to properly hook her leg around him. And she does it. Happily. Eagerly. Pressing her heel on his back and pushing him closer at the same time she tugs his curls and sighs into the kiss. 

He lays on top of her, settling between her legs while holding his weight on one elbow and gripping the back of her thigh. Digging his fingertips into her as he breaks the kiss and pulls away, opening his eyes to look at her. 

He presses himself between her legs, then, and Aurora loses what's left of her mind. Because although he isn't fully hard yet, it's clear he's getting there. Firm and heavy between her legs. Pressing into her. Forcing into her. 

"Oh my God," Aurora breathes out, widening her eyes as she opens them and stares at him. 

Harry pants. 

Aurora pants.

And they both just look at each other. They look, and they look. Meanwhile trying to catch up with their breaths. Meanwhile trying to slow down. Meanwhile trying to control themselves. 

And then Harry moves up and down, and she gasps. Then he rolls again, and again, and again. 

She squeezes her eyes shut while arching her back and hooking both legs around his waist. And she's painfully conscious of how wet and thirsty her body is between her legs. 

"Holy fuck," Harry murmurs, then places both elbows on each side of her face. "Auri?"

"Hm?"

Fuck he feels so fucking good.

"You need… You need to stop me." 

She shakes her head and opens her eyes, then brings her hands to cradle his cheeks. "No. Why?" 

He kisses her, and he kisses her. And he kisses her. And he fucking kisses her. So, so well.

"Because I'm about to get to a point where I won't be able to stop anymore." 

"Then don't."

Harry chuckles, and she feels his pain in his voice, and also his reluctance when he closes his eyes and has to force himself to stop rolling up and down against her desperate center. 

"Not here," he breathes out, squeezing his eyes shut so tightly that it makes her uncomfortable for him. "Not like this."

She hates it, but she knows he's right. So she licks her lips, and brushes her thumbs up and down his cheeks, then unhooks her legs from around his waist. "We'll stop, then."

"It's not that I don't want to," he murmurs, dropping his weight on top of her and pressing their foreheads together.

"I know. I can feel that."

Harry chuckles, then kisses her cheek, and the corner of her mouth. And then, as desperately and urgently as he started, he finds a way to subtly and delicately kiss her again. Slowing them down. Tasting her mouth with more affection, with more time, with more intention. Actually savoring her lips, and actually caressing her skin. Dropping his hand back down to her ass and covering her properly again, then sliding it all up through her side.

Aurora finds herself happily following his new pace. Threading her fingers through his curls and stroking his scalp, then giving little nibbles to his lips, and cute, sweet licks to his tongue.

He hums, and cools off. Losing his strength and dropping his weight to the side. More and more. Until he's fully turning on his back, and pulling her along with him. 

And Aurora moves, turning and holding herself on one elbow while she keeps her other hand on his face. Holding, brushing, caring for him. And when she pulls away, the loud mwah of their lips breaking apart seems to reverberate through both of them, and also through the ocean. 

They both blink, and whilst Aurora rests her hand on his bare chest, Harry takes his own to her face, pulling her hair behind her ear before brushing his thumb up and down her cheek. 

"Hi," he whispers, tilting his head slightly to the side just to stare straight into her eyes.

"Hi," she whispers back, finding the string of his necklace and grabbing it between her fingertips.

The bright lights from the yacht reflect on the beautiful green of his eyes. Besides that, though, everything about Harry looks like a complete mess. 

But a hot mess, still. Because he looks like a mess that was made by her. He looks like she kissed him so hard that she left his lips swollen. Like she tugged his hair so harshly that she left him completely disheveled. And like she grabbed him so tightly that she left tiny spots all over his cheeks. 

Does she look like that, too?

Like he just kissed the soul out of her? 

And then brought her back to life?

"How was that for a move, huh?" 

Aurora rolls her eyes, but then drops her forehead to his shoulder and laughs.

Harry smiles, sliding his hand to the back of her head and kissing her temple. Once, and twice. "Is it ok that I'm already thinking about doing this again?"

She takes a moment, but ends up holding herself up and looking at him. "Is it okay that I wish we didn't have to stop and go back to our friends right now?"

He slides his hand back to her face, then brushes his thumb up and down her cheek. "Thank God 's not just me."

He leans in, then, pecking her lips just once. Softly and shortly. Puffy lips sweetly puckering against hers and leaving her craving for more. 

Aurora smiles, and fidgets with the string between her fingers. 

Even the mat underneath them seems to wake up, because it's suddenly waving their bodies again. 

(Although Aurora it's pretty sure it never stopped moving, she just stopped paying attention to it.)

"Can we go somewhere more comfortable next time, tho?" she asks, and Harry laughs. 

"Yeah… We can go wherever you want, Auri. Whenever you want. I don't care, as long as I get to be there, too. As long as I get to be there with you."

Hi! If you've made it here, thank you for reading. You have absolutely no idea how much it means to me.

[bunnliix]

The Invisible Strings that Bind Us - Chapter Eight

This is a week late, but here is chapter eight!! This was really cute but also sad to write, because reader is heading home temporarily to pack up her life, so she can come back to Stray Kids and Korea to stay.

masterlist wc: 4.2k warnings: crying, the boys and reader being sad, cute fluffy moments but that's not really a warning? Basically this is a cute but also kinda sad chapter

A few days have passed since the boys’ studio day, and between then and now, it had been decided that y/n would head home the next morning. She still had to get her life in order back home, so that she could come back here to live with them. The tickets had been bought, and it had been decided that a week back home should be enough for y/n to get everything she needed to move halfway across the world, as well as ensuring that her bunny could indeed come with her, and that she could smoothly finish off the rest of her degree online. She had also worked with the older boys and the few staff members they trusted to get her a temporary soulmate visa, that allowed her to stay in the country for the moment, as well as allowing for a smooth return once she came back. 

Neither she nor her boys were happy about her leaving, and oh were they vocal about their protests. Once she had announced her return to Canada, the younger ones were all over her, begging her not to go. Binnie and Chan had to pull them off of her, that’s how much they were clinging to her. Seungmin was surprisingly just as clingy as the others, and he looked adorable, even if he denied it ever happening once he realized what he had done. The boys had torn apart their closets, looking for clothing she could take with her, to remind her of them, since they’d all be feeling the strain of being apart so quickly after they had bonded. It wasn’t recommended for soulmates to be long distance once they had their first contact with each other, since it placed a strain on the soulmate bond, and eventually, the soulmates themselves. The boys weren’t as worried about themselves as they were y/n, since she would feel the strain of eight soulmate bonds, instead of just one.

This is also why, despite her protests, they hired one of their North American bodyguards to meet her at the airport in Canada. They were worried about the toll her body would be under, and because of that, wanted to make sure she’d have someone to take care of her should she need it. She didn’t think she would, but she gave in, knowing that it would help them feel better about her being so far away, even if it was only for a week. 

These last few days, the boys have taken the time to make sure they all spent as much time as she could, meaning that y/n went almost everywhere with them, when they had to leave the house. This led up to where they were currently, y/n in the middle of the couch with the boys huddled around her as much as they could be, watching some rom-com that Hyunjin and Felix had argued over for almost 30 minutes.

“Why do you have to leave? It’s not fair. Stay here forever with us.” Felix whined.

“You know why I have to go, and it’s only for a week Lixie pixie. I’m packing up my life back home, so I can come here and stay with you all, okay?” She replied, ruffling the blonde man’s hair as he sat in front of her. 

“Still not fair.” The sun god of a man mumbled, pouting.

“I’ll be back before you know it. And are you really going to spend our last night together for a week pouting the whole time?” She questioned him, to which he pouted more, before sighing and dropping the pout from his face.

“Nooo.”

“Good. Now, what’s the plan to spend my last night here before I fly tomorrow morning?” She asked, addressing all of the boys.

“Well, since we can’t all accompany you tomorrow to see you off, we decided on a sleepover here in the dorm so we can all spend the night together.” Chan told her.

“‘Cause only Chan-hyung gets to go with you tomorrow, company’s orders.” Changbin said, upset.

“You know it would be a bad idea for the entirety of Stray Kids to show up to the airport. Plus, once I’m back here, you can all welcome me back to the dorms, and maybe convince the company to let a few more of you welcome me at the airport.” She said, putting the idea into their heads, knowing it would placate them for the moment.

It worked, since the boys then looked forward to that instead of being upset about not being able to see her off in the morning. The boys had lent her suitcases to take back home, plus they may have snuck things into said pieces of luggage, not that y/n knew that. They didn’t want her going back, even temporarily, without a piece of them. Felix may have slipped more than a couple pieces of his clothing, without the others’ knowledge.

They spent the rest of the night setting up the living room for a sleepover, dragging out mattresses, pillows and blankets from the various rooms, plus the other half of the boys bringing their own bedding over from their dorm. The floor of the main room was covered in mattresses, but it made for the coziest sleepover y/n’s ever had. She was once again pushed to the middle of all of them, though there was a vicious fight over who got the spots next to her. Minho just slid in on one side of her while they fought, and once Jeongin realized, he took the place on her other side before the others realized, sparking a round of yells once they finally saw the two men on either side of y/n. 

“Yah! That’s not fair!!” Changbin yelled at the two men on either side of their only female soulmate. 

“You should have decided not to play fair then. Tokki is mine now, tough luck.” Minho told the younger man, wrapping his arms around her as he talked to Binnie.

The buff rapper pouts, falling onto the mattress next to the maknae, laying face down and not looking at anyone. Chan chuckles, laying on top of the man, who starts to protest but doesn’t win as Chan showers the rapper in love and affection, and the others, including y/n, coo at the cute moment between the two men.

Despite the original plan being to watch movies, that doesn’t happen because of Stray Kids’ shenanigans.They instead spend the rest of the night going from playing around to to cuddling up together to many many hugs and cuddles. The amount of physical affection, minus kisses, could not be understated. Y/n felt as if she couldn't escape the physical affection from the boys, not that she minded in any way, she really enjoyed it. She lived and thrived off of physical affection from others, and coming from her soulmates, that feeling was amplified by 1000. 

Y/n fell asleep first, once again, both feeling exhausted from all the planning she’d have to do, plus the urging from the more responsible members to get sleep because she’d need it for the next morning's activities. The eight soulmates gathered around her, all of them touching her in some way as they curled around her in a protective circle. They weren’t ready to let her go, even if it was only temporary. They were scared she’d go home and not want to come back, even after she’s voiced her excitement to be moving here to be with them.

As the boys settled down, trying to be quiet so as to not wake their sleeping soulmate, a couple rounds of yawns passed through the boys, sleep starting to try and claim them. And it did, slowly they settled into whatever position they found comfy, most of them laying on top of each other in a bid to try and get closer to y/n, even in their sleep. This time Chan wasn’t the last one to fall asleep, Seungmin was. The vocalist stared at his sleeping soulmates, happiness in his eyes and his heart felt full once more, and he whispered his love for them into the silence that surrounded him, only for his ears to hear. He laid down, breathing deeply as he closed his eyes, quickly falling asleep, feeling safe within the arms of his soulmates.

Time skip to the next morning...

The alarm to wake up y/n and Chan went off too early the next morning, it felt like barely any time had passed, let alone that anyone got a great amount of sleep that night. Chan jumped out of the makeshift bed after seeing what time it was. He quickly moved to his room to get dressed, before coming back to wake up y/n and the others, knowing they wouldn’t want to miss seeing off their soulmate.

“C’mon guys, time to wake up. Y/n, you have a plane to catch in a couple hours, you have to get up and get dressed.” He said to everyone, directing the last sentence to their newest member of their not so little group.

The boys groaned, unhappy that they had to get up, and y/n sat up quickly wiping the sleepiness out of her eyes. She groaned as she stretched, untangling herself from the pile that was 7/8ths of Stray Kids, and moved to head to Jisung’s room, where her luggage and clothing for today had been stored. Thankfully this bedroom still had a bed to sit on, since they hadn’t pulled Han’s bed for the mattress pile that existed in the living room. She quickly rid herself of the comfy clothes she had slept in, changing into the, admittedly, comfy airport outfit that the more fashion forward men had put together for her. From the look of the outfit, she wasn’t expecting it to be as comfortable as it actually was, but damn, she may just have to steal this outfit for herself now. They couldn’t take any of it back. Nope. It was hers now.

She was almost ready to head back out to the main room when a knock on the door stopped her. 

“Yes? Come in, I’m decent.” She told whoever was on the other side of the door, which turned out was the owner of the room, Jisung.

He trudged into the room, clearly not ready to be up at this hour, falling onto his bed and nearly busting his head open on one of the suitcases. She winced, moving to check on him, only to be waved away and assured he was okay, it was just way too early to be awake right now.

“But if you weren’t awake right now, you wouldn’t be able to see me and Chan off to the airport this morning.” She reminded her birthday twin, who she could see pout at the reminder of why he’s sacrificing his beauty sleep.

“Why do you have to leave so early in the morning?” Jisung whined, dragging out the last syllable of morning.

“Because this will allow me to get a flight home at a decent time. You forget I don’t have just one flight. I have a connecting flight to catch after my flight back to Canada.” She informed her soulmate, sighing afterwards.

“You’re gonna be so far away. Why do you have to be so far away?” He asked, or well really whined yet again.

“Because that’s how it is Ji baby. I’ll be back before you know it.” She told him, leaning down to kiss the top of his head as he still laid on the bed.

What she couldn't see was that her words and actions left him blushing and slightly malfunctioning once again. He heard her leave the room, letting out a groan once she was out of earshot. Why was he so affected by her, he’s usually not this flustered by simple things like pet names and kisses. Sure, sometimes he does get really flustered like this, but fuck he feels like a teenager again getting flustered by being called ‘baby’ by her.

Back to y/n, she’s pulled her luggage out to the main room, finding half of the men there, while the other three were in their rooms in this dorm. They smiled at her when she returned, though their smiles were sadder than she had seen.

“Why are you four so gloomy and sad?” Y/n questioned, a frown appearing on her face.

“Because you’re leaving us.” Minho answered for the group of them.

“I’ll be back soon though, and I’ll message you all every day I’m gone. I promise.” She told the four of them, moving to sit near them all as they were spread out across the mattresses and couches. 

The five of them chatted, and when y/n talked about food and such that she’d miss from her home once she moved here, which then got onto the topic of nostalgia and then back to some of them begging her to bring her favorite snacks home with her. She laughed at their insistence, promising that she’d bring home a lot of snacks for them to try.

Chan walked out to the living room, the missing three following behind him, a frown on his face. Somehow, without him saying a word, she knew it was time to go. It was time to leave her soulmates for a week. Sure, she was coming back in seven days, but that’s seven days without being able to hug and cuddle and be around her wonderful soulmates. She sniffled, feeling tears starting to collect in her eyes as she looked around at the eight men she’s spent the last almost week with.

“Oh babygirl. Don’t cry or we’re all going to cry.” Chan said, kneeling down in front of her, wiping away the tears that escaped.

“I can’t help but cry. I don’t want to leave you all yet.” She said, sniffling. 

“It’ll be okay tokki. The sooner you go, the sooner you'll come back to us.” Minho reminded and reassured you as he came to sit next to you.

“I wish we could sit around and talk more about this, but we really do have to go now.” Chan said, sighing as he stood back up, arms reaching out to pull you up off of the mattress.

As soon as you were standing up by yourself, Hyunjin came over to hug you, burying his face in your neck, whispering to you how much he would miss you while you were gone. You wrapped your arms around his waist, holding him close, one hand rubbing his back as you comforted him. After a couple minutes, he pulled back, looking at you with tears in his eyes, and you moved a hand off of his waist to brush them away.

“It’s okay Jinnie, I’ll be back before you know it. We can facetime any time you want.” She told him, before pulling back from his embrace.

“I’m gonna miss you, you better be safe while I can’t protect you.” He told her, looking directly into her eyes, his expression and voice conveying the seriousness of his words.

“I’ll be safe, don’t worry Binnie.” She replied.

He kissed the top of her head, and only when Minho came to stand next to both of them, did he let go of y/n, who was immediately swept into the butt hunter’s arms. Though this time there was no butt hunting, just Minho holding her close as he rested his chin on her head. 

“Come back safe to us.” He whispered to her, kissing the top of her head before he pulled away, moving away quickly.

Felix and Han both approached her, tears falling down the sunshine duo’s cheeks as they looked at her with such sad eyes.

She opened up her arms for both of them. “Come here you two.” She said, tears bubbling up in her own eyes at seeing the two of them cry.

They almost collapsed into her arms, crying and begging her not to leave. Tears trailed down her cheeks as she listened to their tears and cries. She pulled them closer, resting her head on their shoulders, trying her best not to break down.

“It’ll be okay my sunshines. You know it’s only for a little bit. I’ll be back with all of my things and my bunny, and we can be here together for the rest of our lives. Now please stop crying or I’ll never be able to leave.” She comforted her two darlings, trying to do her best to make them feel at least a tiny bit better.

The two ‘00 liners had to be pulled away by the older members, so that the remaining two members, who wouldn’t be taking her to the airport, could say goodbye. Jeongin came up to her and engulfed her in a hug, then very shyly kissed her forehead, not being able to look her in the eyes after that.

“Be safe noona. Come back to us and bring us lots of snacks please.” He told her, a blush clearly painting his cheeks.

“I will, be a good baby bread for your hyungs, yeah?” She told him, before pulling away from him, but not before leaning up and kissing his own forehead.

She turned to look at Seungmin, the last soulmate she had to say goodbye to. He opened his arms for her, a soft look on his face even as he tried to appear strong in front of everyone. She walked into his embrace, laying her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist. He leaned his head on top of hers, his arms pulling her close to him.

“I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but come back to us safe and in one piece, please? I just got you, I don’t want to lose you already.” He told her, voice soft.

“I promise you that I’ll come back home safely, okay? I couldn’t bear not being able to return home to you all now that I’ve met you.” She told him.

He held her close, before leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek. She felt herself blush, and once the slightly younger man pulled away, saw that he was blushing as well. She quietly laughed at him, and made him smile slightly. He pulled away from her, and she reluctantly let him go.

“It’s time to go now babygirl. No more delaying it, or we’ll be late.” Chris told her, and she sighed sadly, moving to pick up her carry-on bags as the oldest member grabbed her other luggage. He guided her to the door, where Felix helped her slip on her shoes, smiling sadly up at her after he finished tying her shoelaces.

Chan opened the front door, leading her through it and letting her wave goodbye to the rest of the group before leading her downstairs and out of the building, straight to the car that was waiting for them. Y/n slipped into the back of the car, as Chan and the staff member accompanying them helped pack her luggage into the trunk. Chan slipped into the car, which then quickly left the apartment building. 

“We’re going to miss you, even if it’s only for a week. I’m going to miss you. I really wish I could go with you.” Chris told her, reaching out to hold her hand, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. She smiled at him, telling him that she knew, and that she’d miss them just as much.

They spent the ride to the airport in comfortable silence, mostly just taking this time to enjoy this alone time with each other, something that the two of them had yet to have. They talked occasionally, but mostly just leaned on each other, intent to remember these moments until y/n returned to Korea again. It felt like no time at all had passed when they arrived at the airport. 

Chan had to don a hat and mask to try and lessen the risk that he’d be recognized, but he was intent on accompanying you as far as he could, knowing that it’s not a stress free process, when you consider it’s a long flight and y/n was leaving her soulmates for the first time after meeting them, which is stressful enough. He pulled her bags behind him as they walked to the check in counter, y/n carrying just her carry-on bags despite her insistence on taking more, getting denied as Chan wouldn’t allow her to take either of them. Once they got her checked in, and Chan took care of any baggage fees, he slowly led her over to security.

“Call me or one of the others once you land, okay? We’ll be watching the flight tracker but call us anyways, once you land after each of your flights. I’ll be worried otherwise.” Chan told her.

“I promise I’ll call you, or text you if I’m unable to call at that moment, okay? I’ll be okay Chris, I promise. It’s two flights and then I’m back to my home in Canada. Please don’t worry about me too much?” She replied, looking up at him.

“I can’t promise you that, babygirl. I’ll worry about you until you’re back here in my arms. And I think it’s time for you to go through security before the line gets any longer, okay?” He said, looking down at her, a tear falling from his eye before he was able to wipe it away. 

“I don’t want to leave. But I know that I’ll be back and you all can meet my bunny and it’ll be okay. Only seven days and I’ll be back home with you all.” She reminded both him and herself.

Chan pulled her into one of his hugs, those hugs that she’s seen the others melt into, that she herself is melting into, holding onto him as if the minute she lets go, he’ll disappear. She felt him kiss the top of her head, and mumble something she couldn’t quite make out, but then he pulled away, tears brimming in his eyes. 

She couldn’t just let him go like this, and pushing aside any fears, she pulled down his mask and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. She closed her eyes as their lips connected, trying to convey just how much she was going to miss him through the kiss. She felt him kiss back after a moment, his arms wrapping around her back and holding her close. Sadly, she had to pull away once she was running out of air, but she looked up at him with so much love and care for him in her eyes, unable to tell him how she felt just yet, but wanting him to know that she already cared for him, and the others, so much that she would never be able to fully convey those feelings with words alone. 

“Baby, you can’t just kiss me like that before you leave. I’ll want to keep you here forever.” He spoke, breathless and in slight shock after what just happened.

“Well, then return the kiss when you come back here to pick me up in a week, then you can really keep me forever.” She told him, kissing his cheek before pulling out of his arms.

He whined at her leaving his arms, but she only smiled and giggled, moving in once more to pull his mask back up to hide his identity. She grabbed her bags, and looked at him again.

“We’ll be standing here in this airport again in only seven days, think of that instead of me leaving. See you soon, Christopher Bahng.” She said to him, smiling through the tears that were brimming in her eyes, before she turned around and walked into the security area.

Chan watched her until he couldn’t see her anymore, and then he left to head back home to the remaining seven soulmates.

Y/n finally made it through security and headed towards her gate. Thankfully, and she praised the airport gods, her gate was close to the security area. She quickly arrived at it and found an empty spot by the window to sit down and watch the planes land and take off. She waited there until the call came for her to board. The boys had made sure she’d be comfortable during her flights, buying her first class tickets even though she protested she didn’t need it for her second flight home. The long halt flight back to Canada, she wouldn’t argue against having more room, however. It would be great for the 14-hour flight. 

She passed through boarding quickly, settling down in her window seat and getting prepared for take-off. Thankfully it wasn’t long before the rest of the plane was boarded and they set off. She watched out the window and waved goodbye to South Korea and her soulmates as she started her journey back home to Canada.

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Taglist: @queen-thiccness @k-k-kn1v3s @ihrtlix @calisnewworld @lailac13

@thegingerthatwaited @hyunmikim

[aiura-stan]

0-6!

(If you’re wondering how I’m getting these done so fast, it’s because I’m doing these ahead of time. I'm running on a queue.) I used dictation and actual keyboard typing for this one, so it’s going to be long. (Side note, I love the ability to dictate things and using split screen mode! Highly useful features and I have no idea why it’s taken me this long to actually use them.) Also, I guess I should say that there will be spoilers in this and probably future posts too, because I’ve already read the manga. Okay! Onto the commentary.

I love that Saiki outright states he doesn't want to be the "guy you know what he's thinking.” Like, come on Saiki, admit it; you have a little bit in common with Kaidou. (I think he secretly kind of likes freaking people out. He definitely likes the fact that people are a little scared of him.)

He's always the odd one out; He's one of the loner kids. I don't think he really thinks it makes him look normal. I think that's just what he tells himself to feel better about the whole thing.

I think it's funny that he dislikes Kaidou for the same reasons that he thinks he's so different from everyone else. I mean, Kaidou is always trying to stand out, and Saiki does have a legitimate reason for not wanting to stand out. But even so. He’s just got it in his head that is so much better than Kaidou at the beginning of the series. Like, dude, you're no different from him. You're the same breed of weirdo in a different font. Lol. That font is “really intentionally manipulating others’ perception of you for personal reasons.” It’s just that Kaidou’s version is much flashier than yours. I like seeing it this early on in the comic; it's interesting to see how it all started. Also, Kaidou is a lot more polite than Nendou, apologizing for talking to Saiki out of nowhere. Amusing. He absolutely knows how to behave like a normal person, but chooses not to because his persona gives him confidence.

I also like that here in the beginning of the comic, we have an unnamed guy who is was basically parroting what Kuuusuke says further on in the comic, and it’s more clearly framed as delusional weirdo behavior.

Yes, duh, he came to you because you were alone, Saiki. Weirdo behavior attracts weirdos (weirdos attract weirdos.) That's just a basic social law for ya.

Also, I laughed out loud at “okay, I’m calling you Junpei.” good response, honestly. Saiki’s narrative commentary addressed to no one in particular is always really funny.

He also seems to be egging him on in the next panel with his sarcastic remarks (wow. Your punch was soooo fast I couldn’t see it at all), though it’s never clear in this manga whether the person being spoken about can actually hear anything he’s saying in all of its dry sarcasm. My headcanon follows the lines that Saiki uses hypnosis when he’s not actively addressing them (sending telepathic messages to them), so people just hear whatever they want to hear from him. Or something like that. I’m guessing that we, the readers, are supposed to assume that they can’t hear him unless Saiki is actively sending them telepathic messages/‘broadcasts’. "I fancy you" is a strangely British way of putting it. Which also means "I like-like you" if memory serves. Translators??? strange. anyways.

Ah… XD. I forgot that Kaidou saw him teleport in the manga. That’s perfect considering Kaidou’s name joke (shunkaidou = teleportation.) wahh, I wish this one came in the tankobon volumes so I could read them.

You know… since the third chapter of this volume was adapted into the anime, can volume 0 really be called non-canon? Maybe to the manga. Hmmmmmm.

Oh come on. Why didn’t they put this in the anime??? It would have been hilarious to have Kaidou imagining some kind of green monster-humanoid hybrid and then the screen transitions to Saiki’s expressionless face, with pink limiters and green glasses. There’s an element of color that manga sadly lacks. I get the point with the black arrows, Mr. Asou, but it just isn’t quite the same without actual color.

XD Asou’s attention to detail is good. We actually see the teacher wondering where the hell he’s going when he runs out of the room, and then following through showing that he won’t be running students down just to make sure they stay in class. It’s a small thing, but it definitely makes a difference, making the Saikiverse seem a bit more realistic.

Also, look, it’s this guy who appears a bajillion chapters later in that weird gag… What was his name again? Gah… refer back to this later, future me.

Yes, Kaidou becomes a completely different person outside of his riddiculous chunnibyou persona, which he only uses at school. I do like that Asou sensei writes him this way. It would be easier to have him be in character all the time, but he’s much more realistic like this. I love that Saiki remembers the stupid nickname he gave himself. It makes the contrast even more funny. Okay, I’ll stop analyzing Kaidou and explaining every joke for now.

XD XD XD

Things like this make me wonder if Saiki really doesn’t know that’s how his looks might be interpreted at a distance… even though he understood from the verbal description that he could be perceived as having “pink horns” and “green eyes.” And he spaces out in class just thinking about it. Thoroughly neurodivergent behavior.

I also love things like this, that imply but don’t outright show that Nendou just… openly teleports in front of Nendou because he can get away with it.

I also enjoy Saiki’s stubbornness in calling Kaidou ‘Junpei.’ Peak comedy.

I love that Kaidou would rather Saiki think he has multiple personalities instead of just being polite to people outside of school. And Saiki says he appreciates the effort… lol. I think he does actually appreciate it, in a way, sarcasm aside. Kaidou is committed to the bit.

“Whether that’s true or not, you need to get to a hospital.” Lollll. But also… makes me wonder if he really believes it, again. That along with the “Kaidou personality chart” further on in this comic. From Saiki’s other confrontations with people who clearly need help (including the one where he talks down a suicidal guy. And of course Terushashi’s brother.) It’s as if it never even occurred to saiki to have a sense of urgency about these kinds of things.

Mmmm! Once again I wish I had the Japanese version because I’m sure he is using polite speech here, for a minute.

Well, at least Kaidou acknowledges here that he’s in fact a chunni and therefore doing this on purpose. Which, again, makes me wonder why Saiki would ever believe even for a second that it isn’t an intentional thing. Or maybe it’s just supposed to be taken as sarcasm outright, but the panel where Saiki is confused about the Horns Saiki drawing really is throwing me off. Another thing I should look for raws of, to see if there’s anything to be gleaned from the OG text.

YES! You and saiki are pretty similar. In a way. Yes, he is worrying about his high school debut… in a way.

Saiki, it is entirely understandable that you think Kaidou is an egomaniac, but given his “other personality,” how did you not guess that he’s just lonely??? He literally had to explain his entire thought process for you to get it??? Yeah, emotional EQ in the single digits.

Earlier, I said Kaidou knew full well how to act like a normal person and just doesn’t do it, but he’s definitely awkward. I mean, of course it’s going to be awkward asking strangers if they’ve seen a guy with green eyes, sharp teeth and horns. (I am not quite sure why Kaidou is so committed to the bit myself.)

LMAO?!?

Saiki, that’s your own goddamned fault, lmao. Put your money where your mouth is and shut him down if you’re tired of annoying people “entering your life”… :)

That wraps up 0-6.

There’s a lot going on here, to be sure. In conclusion, I think Saiki works really well here as a character who is technically omniscient, in terms of perspective, but deeply limited in his ability to interpret information.

Alright, the end. Ja mata! 💫

[the-conversation-pod]

Let's Go, Lesbians! (A Japanese GL Episode)

And we're back! This week we're back with @ginnymoonbeam to talk about Toxic Yuri in Chaser Game W and Food Yuri in She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat. Join us as we talk about pouring champagne on your ex's head, slapping your mean boss and her big ass red outfit into next week, choosing yourself over your cruel family, becoming the best gay you can be, and marshmallow parties.

Also, because we did not talk about it in the recording, we want to repost Rina Sawayama's Chosen Family song because this scene was so powerful in SLTCSLTE.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Introduction 00:02:45 - Chaser Game W: A Flop 00:18:31 - She Loves To Cook, and She Loves To Eat 00:23:14 - SLTCSLTE: The Women 00:34:18 - SLTCSLTE: Yako and The New House 00:39:17 - SLTCSLTE: The Food and Nagumo 00:43:02 - SLTCSLTE: Depictions of Intimacy 00:50:53 - SLTCSLTE Ratings and Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re your drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Introduction

Ben

And we're back. This week, we're talking about lesbians, finally! And we brought a friend along.

NiNi

Say hi Ginny.

Ginny

Hello!

NiNi

Ginny is here with us and we are going to talk two Japanese GLs, Chaser Game W and She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat. 

Ben, what did you think, like, sort of overarching about these two before we delve into the nitty gritty?

Ben

I thought Chaser Game W gave us a lot to anticipate early on, and unfortunately went in the direction we did not want it to go. Ended up being kind of a mess toward the end? I did not end up walking away too happy with it. 

With She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat season 2, this time we had twenty 15-minute episodes and they had things to do and say with that time and I have a lot of things to say about that show. [laughs]

NiNi

Ginny, what are your overarching thoughts about these two shows?

Ginny

I had high hopes for Chaser Game W because I always want more toxic lesbians. [NiNi laughs] I want to see the girls get to be messy, I want to see complicated dynamics. And I did really enjoy the first couple episodes, but it kind of felt like the characterizations really fell apart as the series progressed, which was a big disappointment. 

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat was a delight. Every time I sat down to watch it, my heart was full and happy and warm.

00:02:45 - Chaser Game W: A Flop

NiNi

We always go from worst to first on this show, so let's start with Chaser Game W. 

Ben, what is Chaser Game W about?

Ben

Chaser Game W is about a team of women at a game development studio in Japan who have been contracted to develop basically a demo for a GL adaptation, by a Chinese company named Vincent. It gets complicated by their project manager from the Chinese team, who clearly has beef with one of their team members and just spends most of the early show fucking with her because she's mad that they broke up in college. And then a bunch of other shit happens that is kind of weird.

NiNi

Okay, that's a hell of a description [laughs].

Ben

I'm sorry! Like, it starts off being a show that looks like it's playing into the complex dynamics about workplace power and possibly sexual harassment, and then kind of loses its way because it wants to be this mess of a story about lesbians with families and the difficult choices they have to make, and where do the husbands and children fit in this, and how does this play into career expectations? Bosses who might also be queer but evil queers?

And it's not necessarily a very coherent experience. There's a lot of ideas that sound good when you describe them to people, but in practice really weren't that satisfying to watch. This was not the Japanese GL experience I was hoping for.

NiNi

Ginny, what about you? What are your thoughts on Chaser Game W?

Ginny

It did seem like it was setting up to have some messages about not only the sexuality components, but also things about women in the workplace and being a mother and balancing those expectations… dealing with sexual harassment… all of that. But it didn't end up saying much that was meaningful to me about it, it just was like, ‘these are issues!’ If you try to draw any kind of conclusion from what the show is doing, you end up with some really messy messages. 

The way that the evil queer boss came in was so funny to me. One of the selling points of this show is this strong femdom, woman in power exacting humiliation dynamic. But halfway through the show, we're resolving the relationship between the two women, so Fuyu, our previous femdom power boss, is not going to be that anymore. So we have to bring in a new one — and it just did not work for me.

NiNi

It was the dom getting dommed. It was like an inception of domming. It was a little strange. There were definitely some Chinese-Japanese dynamics in there. I don't have the cultural competency to pick up on entirely what they were doing, but it was pretty clear from the way that the show was operating. I don't know if it's stereotype, but it was clear that there was something going on there; my cultural competency in this area is not enough to figure out exactly what was going on there.

Ben

It was kind of weird seeing a Japanese show complaining about unrealistic expectations of Chinese developers? This is not a uniquely Chinese problem.

NiNi

I feel like it being set in gaming almost didn't matter to that side of things? They wanted to have this difference the show sees in working cultures be stark and to say something about that difference. But the supposed center of this, aside from the game and the development of the game, is a relationship between Fuyu and Itsuki. It's an extremely convoluted central story that just seems to serve as an excuse for why Fuyu, when she comes back to Japan, hates Itsuki so much. 

The writing feels slightly unnecessarily complicated, but I actually rather enjoyed quite a lot of bits of this. I enjoyed, for example, the direction. I thought the camera was very assured, I thought it was very clear. I don't know if this is an original story or if it's coming from manga, but the direction is very very clear to me. I really enjoyed watching the camera move. The shots are really effective. But the story itself? It's not like I thought necessarily that… the story was badly told? I'm just not sure that it was the story that I wanted. Where we're going in the beginning with Fuyu, a mean lesbian comes back and is mean to her ex-girlfriend, I felt like, okay, that's where we're going. And then, suddenly, Fuyu is married and Fuyu has a daughter and there's all this stuff around the husband and Fuyu’s feelings, or not-feelings, about the husband. It got a little muddy. 

But even with all of that, I think I probably enjoyed it more than you guys did. And I think part of the reason is that I binged it? So I didn't sit with a lot of these feelings or a lot of the confusion for very long.

Ben

It was not a fun week to week watch. As it started to deviate and get lost in itself, it was not fun to be like, 'oh right, this is where we were, all right, let's go and see how this week goes. Ohh… no. Okay.' 

You asked about whether it's original or an adaptation. It is an adaptation. The original work is about power harassment, but I believe Itsuki’s character is a man? A lot about the show made sense once we realized that it was not an original queer story being adapted. A lot of it felt really tacked on to justify the drama and not really something that the writing really contextualized or dwelled on, at all.

Ginny

There were a lot of big character turns and big decisions made without a lot of grounding in why this character would make this choice. Once the mystery of their past is explained, you do understand why they reconcile suddenly, but then all of their choices afterwards just felt baffling to me. I'm not getting any kind of character journey. The show is like, well, this happens now, and then this happens now, and then they do this thing that you didn't expect. And I want to know why!

NiNi

I… feel like in some bits I was cottoning onto it, and then in some bits I was not. For example, when Itsuki starts to take care of Fuyu’s daughter, when she comes over and realizes that the husband's left and her daughter needs taking care of. I followed that bit of the character journey. I understood in some ways why, when the husband came back, Fuyu felt maybe guilty? 

There was also, like, a little thing which I was really surprised didn't go anywhere. Early in the show the husband was video chatting with, I think his mother. And she says something like, 'you know, you have to be good to Fuyu. You're so lacking, and she is with you anyway.' that made me think that their marriage was lavender? I genuinely thought that they had some kind of arrangement or agreement — and then to find out later down the line that the husband actually was in love with her and was jealous of the thing that she had with Itsuki? That came out of nowhere for me. And then everything that followed on from there kind of didn't track, almost. 

Did either of you get that feeling initially from the husband and were surprised or was that just me?

Ginny

My sense was that the husband had been perceived as not a good marriage prospect. Probably it was not earning a lot of money and had other loserish qualities or something. So my sense from the conversation was that that was what she was talking about. I certainly didn't ever get the sense that he was in love with her, exactly? Even when he's upset, it felt more to me kind of about pride. You can't have your wife sleeping around. That's an embarrassment. I don't think there were any deep feelings in that marriage.

NiNi

I don't even think either of them really had extremely deep feelings for their daughter. Like I think Fuyu loves her daughter, but in a distracted kind of way, almost? The only depth of feeling that I felt anywhere was between Fuyu and Itsuki, and even that was tied up in all this anger and bitterness and guilt and whatever else. That's a direction to go in for sure, but it really didn't make me understand why they wanted to be together, and then why they decided not to be together… and then in the end, why Fuyu comes back out of nowhere. 

It's all muddled and mixed for me, especially the closer that we get to the end. But like I said, I don't think that I had as bad a time with it as other people might have.

Ben

I had a very bad time. [Ben and NiNi laugh] 

This show was aggravating. We've been talking about this a lot on the show lately about how much work we think we should do for a show to like, meet them emotionally, where they're trying to take us. There are times when either the writing or the performance doesn't necessarily get you all the way there? And you kind of have to just feel it for the show. But this show just does not feel complete. There are a bunch of ideas that are fine on their own, like, ‘and then she comes in here and then she pours a fucking champagne on her head.’ That's an unhinged lesbian behavior that I have seen happen in person! So like, I totally believed that.

NiNi

Oh yeah.

Ben

But then Fuyu’s turn where she’s suddenly nice to other women in the company that they're in and stops being a huge dick to the other moms, that just doesn't really track? Like, what changed in that moment? I don't really know how we went there. They had her suddenly start being nice to them so they could be on the same team against Big Red.

NiNi

I'm so mad that you called her Big Red, but it kinda works. [Ben and NiNi laugh] I'm not gonna call her anything except Big Red now.

Ben

I did not remember what her character name was. Her name was Big Red.

Ginny

That's her name now, yep [laughs].

Ben

Like it was funny when Itsuki was like, 'Fuck off, Big Red' and knocked her ass down. [all laugh]

All these moments are like, well, that was amusing on its own, but it doesn't really come together as a coherent story unto itself. There’s this huge branching point later on where it's basically the supporting cast trying to seduce a guy to give them information to save the game, and that's happening separately from the drama with Itsuki, Fuyu, Fuyu’s husband, Big Red and all the drama going on there. 

NiNi 

I want to talk a little bit about the actual game development plot, because that stuff was wild. They're preparing whatever they have to do to develop this game, and along the way they're going through literal sexual harassment. There's a point in time that they're trying to get information from this artist. And this guy is a caricature of a sexual harasser, like at one point there are five of these female game developers in his house, and they're literally peeling this guy off of each other as he gropes them. And I'm just like, is this normal or is this exaggerated? I don't even know?

Ben 

Actually, it felt like most of that was actually normal. 

NiNi 

That is terrifying. 

Ben 

The drama with the team felt pretty straightforward for me. You had women in the team having varied responses to the sexual harassment. One of them was like, 'I will absolutely not compromise myself and use sex to get ahead' and another one was like, 'I will, I got this for us.' [Ben and NiNi laugh] I thought that was fine. I didn't mind there being a character who is willing to use men's desire to advance her goals and her team’s goals. I liked that it wasn't required only for her to do that, that there were other people who didn't want to do it that way accomplishing things for their team. The up and down of, ‘is this game going to get developed or not, the expectations of our client keep changing, it seems to be for reasons well beyond us and other drama’ — that felt fairly normal for trying to get any sort of major creative endeavor with the expensive team off the ground. Most of the game development stuff tracked normally for me. Even the whole plot line about poaching talent and then dumping talent: that is a real problem right now. That sort of stuff mostly tracked for me. I wasn't that fussed about the game development stuff and the workplace conditions that they were working under. 

It was the stuff about Fuyu and Itsuki's relationship and the motivations around them romantically, and other characters’ reactions to it, that is where I struggled the most with this. It wasn't a show that left you in a cool place at the end of an episode and picked up in a great place with the next episode. Spending two months watching this was not a great experience. 

NiNi 

I think my rating’s definitely going to be higher than you guys, so I'll go first. 

Ben 

Okay. 

NiNi 

I'm gonna say 7. To me, bits are cool and I can follow generally where this is going, and the bits that I thought were weird were not offensive. It wasn’t very good, but it wasn't terrible. 

Ben 

Ginny? 

Ginny 

I gave it a 5.5. 6 is my mad-I-watched-it threshold. Anything 6 or higher might be very bad, but I'm not mad I watched it. Below a 6 I'm kind of mad that I watched it. That's where this one landed for me. 

Fuyu was very beautiful, and I did enjoy watching her every week. But when that's the nicest thing I have to say about a show, it's not good. 

Ben 

It gave this a 4. It is not recommended. I don't think this is a good lesbian story. I don't think this is a good game development story. I don't think it's a good workplace story. It is a mess. This was developed by the same person who made His the movie, so I am very confused how we ended up with something that absolutely failed on the queer front like this. I do not get it. When this show was confused, it lands on the wrong side of the coin a lot. And it felt like at the very last five minutes they were doing a shit ton of clean up. I don't think this show is worthwhile. 

NiNi 

That's gonna land us somewhere in the 5ish range overall?

Ben 

Round it down, because it sucks! [all laugh] It gets a 5 from The Conversation. 

NiNi 

So that is officially a chop. 

00:18:31 - She Loves To Cook, and She Loves To Eat

NiNi 

All right. So we're gonna leave that behind and we're going to move on to She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat. 

Ben, give us the synopsis. What is She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat about?

Ben 

Okay, let me be much nicer now because this is one of my favorite shows now. So, [laughs] She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat is like the lesbian neighbor of What Did You Eat Yesterday? We have a young woman who's a programmer. She feels like she's like late 20s, early 30s. Her name is Nomoto. She runs like a food account on Instagram, and whenever she's in a bad mood and needs to work through some stuff, she ends up making too much food, and she has a small appetite, so it goes to waste. She has a neighbor who is a taller, bigger woman, and on a whim one night she invites her over to share food with her. And this is the beginning of their friendship that eventually becomes a more serious relationship.

Second season picks up with twice as many episodes, and boy did they need them. We spend this season with Nomoto and Kasuga befriending their new, younger woman neighbor. Nomoto becomes a full-time employee at her work and develops a more reliable friendship with Sayama. She also befriends her Twitter friend Yako, who is basically one of us. She loves her stories, she loves her little food, and she loves hearing about other people's drama and poking them to get their shit together. I love her so much. 

It was a really delightful season watching these two grow closer, figure out what their relationship was going to be, and develop that into more as they dealt with some of their real personal and professional issues. I really, truly loved the season. 

Ginny, you were fairly recent to watching this, so you watched the first and second season basically as one dedicated viewing experience. What was your experience engaging with this for the first time in the last month or so? 

Ginny 

It was very fun. I did this as my unwinding as I was moving in with my girlfriend who is the loves to eat in our relationship, where I'm the loves to cook. So it was a lovely experience. The two seasons flow so seamlessly into each other. Season 2 picks up right where season 1 left off so I'm kind of glad I did it this way. I think I might have been a little frustrated at the end of season 1, especially having to wait and not knowing if we'd get more, because they don't entirely confirm their relationship by the end of that? It's understood that they're very important to each other and they have this very meaningful place in each other's lives, celebrating holidays together, but they don't even start to have conversations about what their relationship is until we're a little ways into season 2. So I'm glad that I got to watch it all unfold as a single story. 

So many details of, just the way that that develops between them felt so realistic to journeys that I've seen between two women who are close friends and realize that they might have romantic feelings for each other. All of the angsting you do about that, and the 'what does this mean' and the 'what does it even mean to love someone romantically instead of as just this very special, most importantest friend in the world,' — just so many little details were perfectly done and extremely relatable. It was just gorgeous. 

Ben 

NiNi, since you watched the first season and angsted with the rest of us about whether or not it was going to come back, and whether or not that second season was gonna be good, what were your overall impressions of the second season after you walked away from it? 

NiNi 

I loved it, but I knew I was going to love it. I had some angst in the middle of the season that we're probably gonna get to, not bad angst. Just, ‘oh, I wonder if they're doing this thing that I think that they're doing.’ But I thoroughly enjoyed it. 

I love so much how the show expands in this season. The first season is very tightly focused, mostly on Nomoto and Kasuga, whereas this season expands outward to show you some of the other people in their life and show you them developing their relationships with these other people, some new, some not. I always love stories that show you the life that these people are living. So I thoroughly enjoyed this season, had a great time with it. 

00:23:14 - SLTCSLTE: The Women

Ben

There were a lot of presentations of various women's issues that played out this season. Do the two of you have particular storylines that you especially enjoyed, or connected to?

Ginny

I love Nagumo's story. I think the one I connected to most was probably Kasuga, but I thought bringing in Nagumo as someone who could receive some mentorship from these two women and also [laughs] kind of help coach Kasuga through her feelings revelation, and relationship transition… it was a beautiful relationship and a wonderful addition, and the way that her character brings a different perspective on the whole nature of food and communal eating was also just a gorgeous touch.

Ben

What about you, NiNi? Did you have a particular plot line that you enjoyed or connected to?

NiNi

We got some stuff on the fringes about Sayama trying to date and looking to potentially get married, realizing and talking to Nomoto that she can't get married if she wants to, and then that leading Sayama to think about whether she even wants to get married. That resonated in a particular kind of way. It was a quiet little side runner, it didn't take up a lot of space in the story, but it did hit me. We end the season without really an answer from Sayama on that, but the fact that she started thinking about it? That resonated with me, for sure.

Ben

What I love about Sayama as a straight character in this narrative is: queer people don't fit the heterosexual mold, and loving queer people forces you to reckon with why we don't. And then that can often open up things for you, as well. I really loved her apology scene with Nomoto. Recognizing that her working through her own ambivalence about marriage is dismissive of the fact that it's not even an option available for Nomoto.

Ginny

You also have Kasuga's coworker, who's older and is getting a divorce after her children have grown up. Getting a divorce is extremely liberating for her. It really does show this kind of 360 view of heterosexual marriage not necessarily being right for all heterosexual women.

Ben

I think it's notable that when they show multiple older women working at this grocery store, they're all like, 'mm-mm, divorce was the right call for me, because I don't think it's right that I'm expected to take care of my husband's family and everybody else does nothing, and that's gonna be my entire existence.' And I love how explicit she was, she told Kasuga straight up: if you were my own daughter, who I do have, I would tell her the same thing, and I would say please live your life. Do not sacrifice your life for a bunch of other people who do not appreciate what you want for your life. Because Kasuga decided to sever ties with her family, because they did not respect her and they wanted her to just take care of them, and sacrifice anything she wanted for her life. It was really lovely that the show went out of its way to be explicit about that.

NiNi

Since we're already sort of diving into it, let's lean into that storyline. Kasuga left home a long time ago and decided to live her life. Kasuga has a brother who is the favored child, but Kasuga’s brother does nothing. Now Kasuga's parents are older and ill, and her grandparents are older and ill and need taking care of. And so Kasuga's dad has started looking for her now. He's like, 'Well, you're not married, whatever you're doing isn't important, you gotta come home and take care of everybody.' It only comes to her doorstep because her aunt gives her father both her number and address, because 'oh, you’re a family, you shouldn’t not talk to each other.' Her aunt thinks she's doing the right thing, but this is definitely not the right thing for Kasuga. Kasuga's father has never appreciated her as a person, has never cared about her as a person, has only focused on his son. And now he wants Kasuga to take care of him essentially until he dies. Kasuga really struggles with this. She wonders, is this my responsibility? Is this something that I have to do? Is she a bad daughter if she doesn't do this? What does this mean for her? Fujita tells her, 'Look, if you were my daughter, I would tell you do not go. You don't have a responsibility to give up your life for somebody else.'

All the conversations that Kasuga has with her father, she has them in her car. She does not talk to him when she is in her house, her safe space? She does not speak to her father in there. When she has decided that she's not going home, not just not going home, but never going home again, she sits in the car and has the conversation where she tells him, 'I'm not ever coming home. Don't contact me again.' And then she goes from the car straight to Nomoto. And Nomoto gets so furious on her behalf that she starts to cry. She's like, 'I can't believe that this man made you feel this way about yourself. He's a horrible person.' Basically, everything that Kasuga needed to hear, she got from Nomoto in that moment. 

I am an eldest daughter. I have a fantastic relationship with my family. And any caregiving I do is of my own volition, and I am happy to do it. It is still tiring. It is still exhausting. Even when it is received with gratitude and happiness and love, it is hard to do. If you have to take care of people who don't care about you? You can feel like you're dying. I am certain about it. That expectation being placed on you is hard enough. To do it for people [who] do not love you — because I do not think Kasuga’s father loves her — is impossible. And so I had a lot of feelings about it while it was happening, but watching her say, 'No, I am not going to just let go of my entire life and everything that I want for this person.' 

And then to have Fujita tell her, 'if you were my daughter,' which releases her from that burden of thinking about her mother — because that's the other part of the guilt that she's feeling. Not necessarily guilt towards her father, but the fact that if she doesn't come home, her mother's gonna have to do all of this. And she thinks about her mother all the time. It's just, it's so much. It's so deep. It's so intense. It's so delicious. And it's not what you expect to get out of a story that's told in little 15-minute episodes! It really isn't.

Ginny

I'm also an eldest daughter and feel so much of that. I spent my childhood, really, like Kasuga, very aware that there were a lot of things I was expected to give up. The way that that sinks into your brain… you just feel like, 'I am worth what I can do for people.' 

What struck me the most in that conversation with Nomoto when Kasuga first tells her what she's done, is Nomoto begs her to keep living her life here where she's thriving, and to keep being happy. Through their whole relationship, Nomoto has taken such joy in Kasuga’s love of eating and just celebrated that this gives you pleasure and you're taking pleasure, and that's a wonderful thing. And in this moment, she kind of expands it to Kasuga's whole life. And she says, please don't ever go somewhere where you can't thrive, where you can't feel joy, where you can't feel loved, and yourself. To hear someone say that? I think I did cry in that scene. You need to hear someone say that. Someone who grew up like Kasuga needs someone who loves you begging you to take care of yourself and to do what brings you joy. The heart of their relationship and what draws them together is how deeply Nomoto celebrates Kasuga taking care of herself and being taken care of and experiencing pleasure. It's beautiful.

Ben

I really enjoyed the way that continued in the whole strawberry debacle.

NiNi

[laughs] The strawberry thing. It was so funny. [Ginny laughs] It was so cute, too. It was really cute. This is after they've started dating, but their relationship hasn't changed very much. And so she asked Nagumo, is there something that she should be doing? Which I found adorable.

Ginny

It's so real.

Ben

It's funny, too, because Nagumo admits she doesn't have much experience either [Ginny laughs], and is like, 'You could, like, go do things you both like doing? Together? That sounds right.' [all laugh]

NiNi

It’s so funny. And that's when she sees this flyer for the strawberry picking. And she's like, 'Oh, okay, I like strawberry picking. I should ask Nomoto to go strawberry picking with me. That's like the kind of thing that people do when they're in relationships, right?'

Ben

'That's, like, a food thing. She likes to make food. This might be fun!' Kasuga doesn't really say what she wants to do, she just hands it to Nomoto and is like, 'Hey, I thought this might be fun for us to do' and Nomoto’s like, 'Oh, yeah, that sounds great. We can maybe go vegetable picking and then make some stuff afterwards.' And Kasuga doesn't really speak up about what she maybe wanted. 

Late in the day Nomoto realizes Kasuga maybe wanted to go check out a restaurant in the area, and wanted to maybe do strawberry picking instead. And Nomoto ends up feeling so bad about this, feeling like she was not really receptive to what Kasuga actually wanted, and like she was steamrolling her. This plays out across almost two or three episodes, but the culmination is Nomoto saying very clearly to Kasuga, 'I want you to be selfish with me. I want you to feel like you can want things and express them. It's really important to me that you are doing the things you enjoy.'

Ginny

And Kasuga admits that that's hard for her. Another moment that rang so true for me, for both of them.

Ben

So much of their relationship is Nomoto getting intense pleasure [laughs] out of watching Kasuga enjoy herself.

00:34:18 - SLTCSLTE: Yako and The New House

Ben

I'd like to talk about my favorite character of the season.

NiNi

Ben wants to talk about Yako. Let's go.

Ben

Yako is the best thing that has happened to BL and GL in the last two years. [laughs]

NiNi

She's really just like us. [laughs]

Ben

No character’s been a better audience stand in than an asexual lesbian enjoying her wine and her takeout, watching gay movies with other girls, and then hearing about their relationship drama and giving completely reasonable advice by just asking questions.

Ginny

Best life.

Ben

I love her so much. She is everything that I am trying to be every day. [NiNi laughs] And she's good at it! [laughs] She never tells anybody, 'Just do it.' She's just like, 'What are you feeling? How do you feel if you don't do it? Well, there you go.’

And then they have the curry party? That looked like so much fun. They all go over to Yako's house and meet her properly. Nomoto and Kasuga take Nagumo with them. And they make a bunch of different curry, and naan, and some fancy juice, and they have themselves a good-ass time. And this leads to Yako becoming friends with Nagumo, and she ends up becoming a confidante to Nagumo as well. She recognizes after the girls reveal they're gonna move out that somebody should check on Nagumo, who has probably gotten used to having two really reliable neighbors who care about her, and how Nagumo might be anxious about saying, like, she misses them and still wants to see them. Even as Nagumo admits, moving out is the right call for them, I love that Yako gave Nagumo space to admit that she was a bit bummed that she was gonna not be living next to two solid friends anymore. 

I love Yako so much. She is in competition for blorbo of the year.

NiNi

Yako has the best ideas for parties, too, like the first time she had the watch party with Nomoto, they've both got snacks and drinks, and they're talking about what they've got for their snacks and their drinks and then they watch a lesbian movie and they cry. [Ben and Ginny laugh] It’s so good. Literally, Yako is really just like us. 

The only thing I'm sad about in this entire season is that Sayama hasn't yet become a part of this whole little group that they have, but she will. I know she will.

Ben

They just moved in together. They got a big space. There's room for Fujita and Sayama to show up for another party they're gonna have. These two could host all six major female characters at their new place. 

Let's talk about the new place while we're here. Where…?

[all laugh]

NiNi

Go ahead. I know you want to.

Ben

I love Kasuga. I love everything about her. I love her big chair, I love her big bed, I love her big TV. I need to know where these things are going to go in the new space. [NiNi laughs] Nomoto is totally fine to just use her iPad as her fill-in device for all of her tech needs and entertainment needs. I understand Kasuga. When I moved out, I got myself two big-ass TVs! I need to know where this goes in their new space.

NiNi

[laughs] Doing it real big, right?

Ben

Mhmm! Her car real big. Shoes real big. TV real big. Everything real big.

NiNi

We can talk a little bit about the new space. It looks really good. I like the way that it feels like both of them, which is exactly what you want in a place where you’re gonna be moving in together. But can we just talk about how U-Haul lesbian it is of them to get together and immediately start talking about moving in together?

Ginny

Hang on, they started talking about moving in together [Ben laughs] and then got together. That was the order! [NiNi laughs] They were like—

NiNi

That is true, that is fair.

Ginny

—'I’m gonna move.' 

'Oh my God. I can't bear the thought of you leaving, but I understand why you have to.' 

'Well, it's okay ‘cause I was going to ask if you wanted to move in. Also, are we in love with each other?'

Like, that was the conversation. [NiNi laughs]

Ben

'And we finally picked a place to live. Do you wanna make out for the first time?' 

NiNi

[laughs] And the other good part of it is that before any of this, they somehow adopted a child together.

Ben

Right?

Ginny

Yeah! This all tracks. This is all very typical. 

NiNi

Mmhmm. This felt like the correct order of things for lesbians.

00:39:17 - SLTCSLTE: The Food and Nagumo

NiNi

Okay, we need to talk about food.

Ben

Okay.

NiNi

Because Ben started talking about the curry party and I got excited.

Ben

I got hungry, I need to go make food after this. [Ben and Ginny laugh]

NiNi

We didn't even talk yet about the takoyaki party. I am not a huge fan of takoyaki, but that looked really good.

Ben

All right, as we go into the food, let's talk about Nagumo's eating disorder, because I think that this is one of my favorite food plots in a food show in a long time.

NiNi

One of the things about these food shows is that it's about the communal experience of food. Nagumo has a social anxiety disorder where she can't eat in front of other people. The way that this is brought to the surface, and then the way that Kasuga and Nomoto figure out how to include her in the communal experience without trying to force her to eat or making it an anxious space for her where other people are eating… There's something about Kasuga that just reads incredibly reliable from the off. So when Nagumo first meets Kasuga, she very quickly gets very comfortable and feels like she can tell this woman anything. And Kasuga is just so forthright and so understanding about things, that when Nagumo tells her, you know, 'I really can't eat in front of other people,' the first thing she asks her is 'oh, well, can you drink something? Can I make you a cup of tea?' And that sort of becomes a jumping off point for the way that they interact when they're having these communal experiences around food, and the way that Kasuga explains to other people for Nagumo, but without giving too many details of Nagumo's private business. The way that these women make a comfortable space for her to still have the community of meals together without forcing her to eat, drives Nagumo to say, 'I want to go and get myself treated because I want to be able to eat with these women, because I care about them.'

Ben

I really love the arc of that. In a show about two people bonding over food, they met somebody who they couldn't necessarily do that with right away, they had to work into it. And I love the way that they slowly built that out — like the donut party was so satisfying.

NiNi

Donut party was fantastic.

Ben

There’s the donut party. There's the marshmallow party.

NiNi

Don't get me started on Nomoto and her, like, zoning out thinking about Kasuga with these marshmallows. [laughs] It was almost erotic but not in a male gaze erotic kind of way. She's got a comically large number of bags of marshmallows in Nomoto’s mind that she's hugging to her, and then she starts eating the marshmallows with a smile on her face. [laughs] All this is happening in Nomoto’s imagination and I'm just like, 'Yes, girl. Yeah, I understand what is happening to you right now.' [laughs] She's zoning out thinking about Kasuga and these marshmallows and I am cracking up. I'm having a whale of a—Oh, it's so good. 

Okay. I'm gonna get over Kasuga and marshmallows, but [laughs] not immediately. So good, so funny. No notes.

00:43:02 - SLTCSLTE: Depictions of Intimacy

Ben

You had a little bit of hesitation in the middle of the second season. Do you want to talk about that on the show? And do you feel resolved by the way they played it out?

NiNi

Not resolved, but more… comforted, I guess. Part of the agita, I think that I was having, is that I was working through myself. Yako and Nomoto are watching these lesbian films. Yako is introducing Nomoto to these lesbian movies, and they're watching them together. And Nomoto is saying she's watching these movies and all these women are so passionate, and she knows that she likes Kasuga in a romantic way, but she doesn't think that she has these passionate feelings like these women in these films. That's when Yako tells her, 'Well, you know, I'm asexual, this is how I feel about these things.' 

And in the middle of the season when this is happening, I had a bit of a moment where I'm just like, okay, is it that they're doing this purity thing where it's fine to be a lesbian if you don't have sex or sexual feelings? It was something that I was worried about. I think it was a little bit of burden of representation stuff that I was maybe putting on the show? That I felt like it was important to show female sexuality as being good and okay and fine, and not to wrap female sexuality and women loving women up in this thing of it being somehow chaste and pure. That was something that was coming from my own thoughts about it. There's not a lot of ace spectrum rep out there in terms of media and dramas in this field, so intellectually I felt like, oh, well, this is fine. But emotionally, I was having a hard time with. Intellectually, I'm like, okay, yes, if it is that this is an ace lesbian story, this is fine because there's not a lot of representation of that, either. But then I was also, like, feeling that even if it was ace lesbian representation, it was being done in this weird binary where you're either sexual or you're not, when acespec is just a whole spectrum of things. I was getting tied up in my own feelings about a lot of this, and it was giving me a little bit of grief and a little bit of gripe. 

But when we come down through the season and come down towards the end of the season, it starts to feel more like a journey of discovery, of Nomoto figuring out what labels that she would apply to herself that make her feel comfortable with the relationship, and understanding how she feels about Kasuga and in what ways they want to proceed with their relationship and the things that they want to try or not try, and having those conversations with Kasuga, as well. And that eased me in the way that I was feeling about it. I fully admit that I got tied up in my own feelings about this, because it didn't have anything to do with what the show was doing. It works out well. I feel comfortable and comforted by the way that the story goes down through to the end. I'm good with where they've decided to take Nomoto, and Nomoto and Kasuga’s relationship, and where they have hopefully paused, not stopped.

Ginny

I understand that feeling completely. I feel some kind of meta regret that the two lesbian shows we’re talking about, the horny kinky concept one was bad, and the very chaste, ace spectrum one was good. I would love more horny kinky concept lesbians that are also actually well done. But as you said, that's not a problem with this show as it is just sort of with the bigger media landscape, and the show is giving also voice to really important, very representative experiences. 

I love where they land on the question of physical intimacy, because I was wondering what they were going to do having gotten so far into the season. They hardly ever touch each other. There is this sensuality in their relationship around food, and I don't think it functions as a metaphor or a substitute for sex — it's just a different kind and source of pleasure that is important to their relationship, and that's so cool and I love it! But I love where they end up on the question of touch. Kasuga saying, 'yes, I would like to try things out one by one with you.' That's such a lovely way to say, we don't know where this ends. We don't know how we're going to feel about it, but we trust each other enough and we want to explore together at whatever pace feels right for both of us.

Ben

I am less concerned, I think, with certain styles of Japanese shows delving into onscreen depictions of sex and sexuality because of the space those shows fill. Zenra Meshi, What Did You Eat Yesterday?, and this show. The ton of sensuality in the food stuff supports the thinking around sex and intimacy, and I'm really glad they had the hug and kiss scene to make sure that we didn't skip that? But I don't necessarily need to see it in the show, in the sense that I'm okay with just confirming that it's gonna happen, or it is happening. What I do need NHK and TV Tokyo to figure out is: how does the cast of this show meet the cast of What Did You Eat Yesterday? There has to be a way to get these two stories a crossover.

NiNi

It does feel like there needs to be a crossover between these two stories. The new place that they've moved into, I'm pretty sure it's in Shiro and Kenji's building, like it has to be. That's the only thing that makes any sense to me in my head. [laughs]

What you were saying about seeing it on screen, it's not necessarily that I need to see their physical intimacy on screen, or whether there is physical intimacy on screen. I just need to understand, I think, if it was something that they were even gonna talk about or discuss, or if it was something that they wanted or not wanted. I think that it's fine for me for them to have the conversation and say, 'Okay, let's figure this out.' And if that lands upon them not being physically intimate that's fine, if it lands up on them being physically intimate, that's fine, but I think what I was worried about, and maybe I shouldn't have been, was that they were not going to talk about it at all.

Ben

I'm very glad that they had a conversation about it before they moved out, and established that it is something that they want, even if it's something they're gonna have to figure it out.

NiNi

Most definitely, but let's move back to the part where they're moving into Shiro and Kenji's building, because I feel like somehow that has to happen. And I feel like somebody needs to slip Nishijima and Uchino a note that says, 'Hey. Y'all are good at making stuff happen. Make this happen, too. Find a way.'

Ben

It's just difficult because it's an NHK adaptation versus TV Tokyo and I don't know how that plays out because one is a for-profit broadcaster and the other is explicitly a public entity.

NiNi

Figure it out. [Ben and NiNi laugh] I don't care if it's a movie, I don't care if it's a special, I don't care what it is. They need to figure this out, because there's no way that these two shows are not existing in the same universe. They have to.

00:50:53 - SLTCSLTE Ratings and Outro

Ben

I think that's it. This show is excellent. I guess we should rate it. Let's go around. 

Ginny, you're newest to this. What's your rating for this?

Ginny

I gave season one a 9 and season two a 10. Season one felt a little incomplete to me, but season two sewed it up. If I was rating them together, I would give them a 10 as a single experience.

Ben

What about you, NiNi?

NiNi

Why you even asking me? You know my answer. This is a 10.

Ben

It's a 10! 10s across the board. Go watch it right now and then when you're finished, go show it to a friend, and then make them show it to a friend. I'm not even kidding. This is excellent. This is going to have to get a new supercut for me on the show. I’m gonna have to mention this every goddamn recording we do after this. [Ginny and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

It's a good thing Ginny's here because now she goes, she's like, okay, so I'm looking for What Did You Eat Yesterday? and then She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat.

Ginny

Making notes.

Ben

It was really just so lovely. One of the things I really enjoy in my queer stories is realistic and believable-feeling friend groups around them. It's really important for me, not just that I believe in the integrity of the couple, but also the integrity of their network. And I really like when queer friend groups grow as a result of two other people finding something in each other, that was really important for me. And it's why this particular show is so special to me. I really love this show, so much. Please go watch it.

NiNi

And with that, that's all she wrote. That is going to wrap us up, say bye to the people. 

Say bye Ginny!

Ginny

Bye!

NiNi

Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

[hailsatanacab]

oof owie hello it’s chapter 17!

[haunted-xander]

Fontaine, as a whole, is a nation I feel was so nearly perfect, but also just... somewhat unsatisfying.

Like, the exploration is nice, the puzzles and mechanics are fun, but... it's so easy. I have the entire map 100%. I didn't use a guide for most of it (only for Special Stuff like the treasure maps and foggy branches), nor did I have the treasure compass. All I had to help me was the hydroculus resonance gadget. The only regions in the game I got to 100% without any guides before was Galesong Hill (which, tbh, most ppl probably have at 100% or close %), and Hypostyle Desert (simply bc the underground ruins were so much fun to explore). Everywhere else I used a guide for at some point. During 4.0 I literally felt like I had to hold back on exploring just to not finish it too quickly. Yeah.

The world quests have a lot of interesting stuff going for them, especially the Narzissenkreuz questline and the ones in/around Merusea Village. But... they feel like they're missing something. I don't feel like I'm properly done with any of them, even though there isn't really anything more to add. The Narzissenkreuz quests had a very strong start, I cared about the characters involved and the lore they're a part of, and having it be 3 questlines that combine into one comprehensive story was really fun, but the ending feels... unceremonious almost. I can't pinpoint what's wrong with it, it answered what it needed to and it made it clear what everyone was doing going forward, but... it feels off. Anticlimatic, almost, despite it having the climax it needed. The world quest I was most satisfied with was the Questioning Melusine And Answering Machine quests, and it's a largely self-contained one. Everything else feels... unfinished, almost. But also not.

And the Archon Quests are so so good, but also... weird at parts. First of all, Childe's out-of-nowhere traumadump early on is jarring, especially since... they didn't really follow up with it properly? Like yes, the Narwhal and Skirk ended up relevant but... not to him, for the most part. The important questions this conversation prompted wasn't elaborated or followed up on, which is what could've justified including it at all. We still have no more clues as to why the Narwhal connected with him, we don't know what caused his restlessness or why his vision messed up, and Skirk was kinda just... there. She loredumped and that was that.

There's other oddities too, like Traveler getting upset at the twins for hiding their Fatui affiliation. Traveler has every right to be upset with them in that moment but... not for that. They should be upset because they lied about the magic show, not about being Fatui. Like, you literally called Childe you're friend just the other day! And he's literally tried to kill you (well, okay, not "kill", but he was still an enemy)! And later on you're suddenly fine with Arlecchino, a person we have seen time and time again is an absolutely terrible person? Because, what, she cared about this one specific problem that affected innocent lives? Really?

Furina and Childe not getting checked up on by basically anyone at the end of 4.2s AQ feels not only out of character (you're gonna tell me Traveler isn't gonna check on them after all that happened? Really?) but also just... very shitty. The only one who seemed to even care was Neuvillette, everyone else just kinda... forgot about those two. Despite the fact that 1) Furina was a well liked public figure who, even after the truth was revealed, people very much still cared about, and 2) Childe literally saved the entire nation but stalling the Narwhal for over a month. Even Neuvillette couldn't so much as deter that thing until he got his full powers back, and you're telling me nobody, not even the people who where directly saved by him, even wondered what became of him? Really?

The characters are fantastic here, don't get me wrong, everyone is lovely and I adore them all, but the way the story handled certain things is just... not great. It's unsatisfying. It feels like there were things they wanted to do but either chickened out of or simply didn't get to include. It's so jarring.

[4e7her]

once again procrastinating on smth in the water because my brain refuses to shut up about something

this time it's bnha fics where izuku gets sucked into some game world for some reason or another and gets Very Traumatized

thinking about doing that with borderlands two

[fortyfive-forty]

now here's a question do i do a super short chapter quicker or a super long chapter slower