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myrddin-wylt · 11 months

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So Argentina is a colonial state, does that also apply that to all of Latin America? Or is Argentina uniquely bad compared to Bolivia where a large part of the country is Indigenous and the average person has big connections to Indigenous culture. I know they both came up because of colonization but I am not the most informed on Latin America as a French person. I know, EW. What really makes a country I guess i what I am asking. And in what ways to these Latin American countries benefit from their colonialism? Like if Argentina is the same as England how so? Why is it poor like the rest of Latin America? What makes Latin America different but also the same? Do they get treated like western countries in world politics (just Argentina maybe?? TBH I dont know a lot about Argentina)? I am so confused on everything but I want to learn.

There is... no I way can come remotely close to answering all of this, so I'm going to only answer the parts I feel I'm informed enough to answer.

What makes a country a colonialist power? How do colonialist powers benefit from their colonialism?

This is a lot and a very controversial question that there's no definitive answer to. but imo, a colonialist country is one whose government has a history of systematic exploitation and genocide against a minority group, particularly if that history is after the mid 15th century and the minority is considered somehow foreign to the majority. all of this applies solidly to Argentina the same way it does the US, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia: large populations of European settlers came from overseas, displaced the natives, and exploited African slave labor. The Argentine government (both under Spanish rule and upon independence), like the US, Canadian, and Australian governments (idk NZ's history but wouldn't put it by them either), have a history of conscious eradication efforts against the targeted minorities. Argentina benefits from its colonialism the exact same way the US et al do: more land, free labor, general racist sentiment (since even recently they're still dealing with significant white supremacist nationalist and they're not fringe groups either).

What makes Argentina different but also same as countries like Bolivia?

I'm not informed enough to speak for Bolivia but I'd take a wild guess that, unlike Argentina and the US, its majority population probably didn't come over from Europe after the mid 15th century, and that that majority population was or still is exploited by a smaller, more powerful minority (foreign or not), rather than the majority population exploiting a minority. That's what I would assume but, again, I'm not informed about Bolivia.

Why is Argentina poor?

I don't know that I'd describe them as poor by global standards; they're about in the same bracket as Poland, Romania etc, which is juuuuuust above the world average. In any case Argentina's economy used to be very strong! And then it started having some economic struggles, as countries often do, which were magnified when their military junta made the BRILLIANT decision to distract their people from it by starting a war. With Britain. Over the Falklands. Which it had held between August 1829 to January 1833 (barring a month where the US just....... dissolved the Falklands government for some reason?????? what in the fucking world--). Anyway.

Is Argentina treated like the West?

In what way? How are you defining West in this particular context? Economically, culturally, or Cold War alignment? Etc.

Because in most ways I'd say yes, with a caveat: Argentina is a regional power, and their region is very very isolated; recall that the southern hemisphere is inhabited by only 10%-12% of the world population, and Argentina is particularly far south. So really it just depends what context, what countries, what time period, etc. For example, the US is going to see Argentina VERY differently than eg France, because Argentina is in the Western hemisphere where US influence is dominant (and domineering). But countries like, say, Mongolia probably don't have much of an opinion at all on Argentina. There's also the fact that most USAmericans simply know next to nothing about Argentina anyway, but frequently treat all of Latin America as non-West due to Cold War ties.

What makes Latin America different but also same [from Argentina]?

Sorry, I sorta answered this but because I'm not 100% sure what you're asking, I'm gonna answer it again in case I misinterpreted your question.

So, some definitions:

Latin America: cultural grouping defined by countries in the Americas where the main languages are languages that derived from Vulgar Latin (ie Spanish, French, and Portuguese, but not German etc). So that's Mexico, Honduras, El Salvador, Brazil, Argentina, Haiti etc etc etc but not the US or Canada. I'm really not sure why Canada's Québécois population doesn't count but Haiti's does? Weird

South America: a geographical term describing a continent defined by the Colombia-Panama border; everything on Colombia's side is South America....

Central America: .... And Panama's side marks the Central Americas from Panama up to Mexico, which is not part of Central America.

North America (1): as a continent, everything north of the Colombia-Panama border, including the Caribbean, up to the Arctic Circle.

North America (2): a subgrouping of North America that isn't very consistent because sometimes it includes Mexico and sometimes it doesn't. I've personally always seen it used as including Mexico and the Caribbean but some people use it just for the US, Canada, Greenland, Bermuda, and Saint Pierre and Miquelon. Idk there or why anyone wouldn't include Mexico.

Help.

#ask #anon #long post

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

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survey #122

How many friends do you have on Facebook? I just checked, 112.

What was on the last sandwich you ate? I actually had one yesterday, it was black pepper turkey with American cheese and mustard.

Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? Yes; Girt and I dated for like... four months in '17, but I decided to break up because I just didn't like him in the romantic way that I couldn't for the life of me decide if I did. Turns out getting back together a few years later was a fanfuckingtastic decision and proved to me that feelings can change and develop.

What is your favourite Thai dish? I'm quite sure I've never had Thai food before.

How many contacts do you have in your phone? Just counted, there's 16. Most I basically never text or call, though.

When was the last time you made out with somebody? I swear I'm like no older than 12, these questions still make me uncomfortable lmfao yesterday

What month of the year was your mother born? August.

Do you have any friends that seem to know all the hot gossip? lol my friends are adults

What TV show(s) have you been watching currently? Girt and I are almost done with the first season of Dark, which I am HOOKED on, like I want answers and to watch the next episode and the next episode more than I have for ANY show in a very, very, very long time. We stayed up late one night because *I* didn't want to stop watching, and I could not even guess the last show I was like that with. It's also natively a German show so I've had fun reading text that shows up and have even learned grammar stuff I never knew.

How many apps do you have on your phone? Excluding those that I can't remove from my phone/come with it, I have 14. My phone has *INSANELY* low memory, like only one of these apps is even remotely big, and I have to go through hell to keep almost anything updated because there's just not enough space on it. I fucking loathe my phone and desperately want a new one.

What pet names do you use with your significant other? Kinda like, all the basic ones. I know I use "hunny" the most, probably followed by "sweetie."

Do you have to wear a name badge where you work? Still don't have a job... but still looking every single day.

What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We have a toaster oven, but idk what the brand is. I basically never use it.

Can you hear anything right now? Yeah, I'm watching an episode of John Wolfe's Resident Evil 4 Remake LP. I hate that I can't play it myself right now, but at least it's something and is also a game that isn't like, a 100% new experience.

Is there anybody else in the room you’re currently in? No.

What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Walmart. It's the cheapest and also not even two minutes from our house.

Does your house have a porch/balcony? We have an extremely small covered area that I guess does qualify as a "porch" out front, but we have a bigger/more proper one out back. It's actually a meshed-in area that's perfect to just sit and chill at... even though we never do. I've always wanted to sit out there one night with loved ones and like, roast marshmallows or something. I'd also love to hold Venus out there on a nice day, again if I had someone to sit and chat with. That's as close to outside as I'm willing to go with Venus because I have an insanely massive fear of a bird of prey just scooping her up, which CAN happen, but it's so super unlikely around here, but I don't care, I still freak out over the idea.

What’s your favourite type of bread? Pumpernickel.

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes, with Nicole.

Have there ever been any bushfires/wildfires in your area? Yeah; funnily enough there was actually an active brushfire yesterday by the beach, something that isn't very uncommon in the hotter months 'round here. On multiple occasions we've even gotten the smoke from distant fires cake the air all the way over here, but I don't think that's happened in many years.

Have you ever taken a ride in an ambulance? No.

When was the last time you took a nap during the day? Well, I guess today, although I hadn't been awake long at all. I'd ended up on the bathroom floor by the toilet putting my entire fucking soul into NOT puking for a while, and we had to cancel my PT and psychiatrist appointments because of how sick I felt. I ended up going back to sleep and apparently sleeping like a boulder because Mom said I was snoring. I don't totally know what was wrong, but I'm blaming my period just being wack as fuck because this has been THE most symptomatic I have EVER been during a period, I think, which kinda scares me because nothing in my life has changed, so this period has just been very, very randomly intense.

What did you have to eat for dinner last night? Bless Girt's heart, he got me Subway bc he overheard Mom say she couldn't do it herself lol. He was a total supportive champ while he was here yesterday and the night before, he knew I was on my period and that this month's was just being fucking VICIOUS and was just being super helpful about it.

What was the last thing you had to drink? I have my flavored carbonated water right now.

Who was the last message you received from and what did they say? Girt tried sending me a picture of Charlie (his dog) being cute and Discord was being reluctant to send it for some reason so he had to complain about it lol

What’s your favourite kind of accent? British.

Have you ever missed a flight? Yes, actually. It was the day I was secretly flying to Illinois to surprise Sara on her birthday, and I was DEVASTATED because I thought the plan was ruined by me missing it, but with her parents' help it worked out and she had zero idea it was happening, even though I obviously got there later than we'd originally planned.

Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Yes, a few times.

Do you know your significant other’s passwords? No, I don't feel the need to know that... and there IS no need for me to know any of his passwords as a dating couple that doesn't like, have accounts where we share finances or anything.

What’s your favourite type of salad? Just regular green lettuce with Olive Garden dressing or ranch. Cucumbers are fine, too. And bacon bits if we're using ranch.

Is your house usually too warm or too cold in the winter? Too cold. Mom really hates turning on the heat because of money.

Have you ever been in love with someone much older or younger than you? No.

Would you rather have someone ask to kiss you, or just kiss you? This depends. With my partner now, it'd be extremely weird for him to ask to kiss me, and it would be with any stable romantic partner imo. When Girt and I first dated, he did ask first before he kissed me the first time, which is exactly what I wanted just because of my relationship trauma; I wanted to know it was coming and was okay with it happening. If, god forbid, Girt and I don't last and I end up in a different relationship in the future, I honestly don't know if I'd prefer to be asked or just kissed the first time.

What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? lol if fries are an option, I can basically oath to you that I'm getting fries, haha.

Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Hell no.

Would you change your partner’s hair color if you could? I know he doesn't like the fact that he's graying early, so I'd fix that for him if I could just snap my fingers and have that happen, but I would never want to pick what he does with HIS hair, so to answer the basic question, no.

Have you ever written a poem for someone? More than once.

Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yup, a best friend from my childhood, Quiata, is African American. He wasn't what I'd call a BEST friend, but I was also very close with my childhood neighbor D'Andre, also African American. We hung out and played a whole lot. Oh yeah, and then there was Hannia in high school, but tbh I'm not entirely sure what her exact race was. I feel like the I believe one time I saw her dad, he looked Hispanic, and I know her mother was Asian of some sort.

Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? Idk. Maybe Sara, I try to not remember the details of that message.

Have you friended your parents on FB? My mom, yeah. Dad doesn't have one. I also have my stepmother on there, but solely to prevent drama because she posts THE dumbest, most fucking bigoted shit imaginable, like I literally don't even see her posts anymore because I turned that shit off.

What’s the last tourist area you visited? Chicago, I think.

Have you ever been in a submarine? No.

Is there anyone whose grave you visit? No. There are times where I'd like to visit Jason's mom's, just once, but I don't think it would be good for me, and I also have this fear that I'd by some insanely poor odds run into Jason there. I also don't know WHERE she's buried.

Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got married? Yes, pretty sure both times she got married.

Do you use TikTok? No.

What decorations do you have in your bathroom? In the hall bathroom, there's three little fake plants on the sink.

Do you like Seinfeld? I don't think I have much of an opinion. Funnily enough though Mom had it on the other day, and some scene made me laugh.

What year was your favourite band formed? Ozzy went solo in 1980. Rammstein formed in 1994.

What’s your least favourite pizza topping? Probably mushrooms. I straight-up will not eat it.

What percentage battery is your phone on right now? 82.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Did you like it? No, and I absolutely never plan to, I just do not see the appeal. Definitely not worth cancer, either.

Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom.

Have you ever sent a postcard? Where from? No.

Do you know anyone who speaks Spanish as a first language? I don't think I know anyone anymore, but maybe.

Who was the last person you kissed? Girt.

Do you have a Bachelor’s degree? If so, what in? No.

Do loud noises bother you? Yes.

Do you rent or own the place you live? Rent. And our landlord/family "friend" will never, ever let us forget her great kindness.

Have you ever made yourself as a Sim? No, I've actually never played the Sims, save for the animal ones. It's not the kind of game that I'd have fun with.

What brand is your phone? It's literally a Tracphone.

Have you ever had a friend named Mary? No.

What does the name “Ada” make you think of? Haha actually the Resident Evil franchise character, funny time to mention the name.

Have you ever ridden in a horse-drawn carriage? No.

Did you ever sneak out of your house when you were younger? No.

What is your best friend’s name? Donald Jr., but I've always known him as Girt.

Is anyone in your family an author or poet? My like, 4th or 5th cousin wrote Not Without My Daughter. No one in my very close family, though.

Have you ever dated a guy with a girl’s name? No, but I'm not against it. I don't believe in gendering names, anyway, honestly.

Would you rather be named Fanny or Faye? Faye, by an insane longshot. I love the name Faye, meanwhile Fanny sounds awful to me.

Do you have a godmother? I don't believe so.

Are you someone’s godmother? No.

When was the last time you wrote a poem? Last time I was in the hospital. ... I think? I don't believe I've written something since then.

Do you believe that it’s possible for someone to be resurrected from the dead? Save for experiences where the heart has been inactive for only a short period of time and it was able to be jolted back into activity, no.

What color hair does your current crush (or boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, whatever) have? Black, but as I mentioned earlier it also has gray in it.

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you in a theater? [TW: PARENTAL ABUSE] Be triggered by a sudden scene of a father beating his daughter with a belt and having a complete and total, very obvious panic attack that ultimately led to me having to leave the theater.

Have you ever had someone copy you or steal your ideas for something? Yup. Sara used to literally trace my art and I've caught her red-handed stealing both characters and completely original locations from me. Worth mentioning she did this kind of stuff to others, too, all the while having insane paranoia that people have and would steal from her <3333 man was she fun.

Have you ever dated someone behind your parents’ back? Nope.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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tlbodine · 5 years

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A Plea for Some Non-Cringe Native American Representation

There’s something that has bothered me for a real long time, and I haven’t said anything because it didn’t really feel like my place to say it. But if pasty white folks across the country will insist on continuing to make these books and comics and movies, then I guess this pasty white girl can make a plea to do it better.

So. Here’s the deal. Native American representation in fiction sucks.

We’re going to talk about why, and then talk about some ways you can do it better. And it’s going to take a while, so join me under the cut.

PROBLEM #1: Erasure

The first problem with First Nations people being represented in fiction is that it, uh...doesn’t happen very often. It’s pretty rare for a show or movie or book to have a Native character, and even rarer for that character to exist without being a vehicle/mouthpiece for some kind of hamfisted message.

And, of course, Native characters who do show up in movies are sometimes played by non-Native actors, which is just. Um.

somebody fucking kill me I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

PROBLEM #2: The Same Stock Character Over and Over and Over

There’s this weird thing where TV shows have A Very Special Native American Episode(tm) where a Native American character shows up in a storyline designed to, idk, provide a tidy outlet for the viewer’s white guilt or something. I see this a lot in superhero stories for...some reason:

Batman and Chief Screaming Eagle (ok, it was the 1960s, surely things have gotten better right? oh...) who’s butting heads with a villain over a bad contract for, uh, the chief’s ancestral lands

There was the Buffy episode “Pangs” where a Chumash vengeance spirit is the villain-of-the day after being disturbed by some construction (and this is honestly one of the better treatments of the premise, at least the episode is well-written)

There was the Smallville episode with Kyla Willowbrook, the Kawatche Skinwalker (I know, I know) who for bonus points dies tragically in Clark’s arms (I KNOW) and who was deeply concerned with...with some construction...disturbing her sacred homesite...(this is starting to sound familiar)

And then there was The Flash episode where Barry is forced to fight with the complicated-yet-tragically-evil Native American activist woman whose crimes involve stealing cultural artifacts that belong to to the museum (yes I’m screaming) and also murdering people...y’know, for vengeance and stuff.

I could keep going but I really don’t think I have to. When your only representation of a culture is a character (frequently a smoking-hot member of the opposite sex to the hero) who is an ambiguous villain who is motivated by vengeance and/or justice over having their land/cultural artifacts disturbed, and who has a valid claim but is really going about it in the wrong way and whose tragic death and/or defeat really gives the white character something complex to think about for two seconds.... well. That’s more than a little racist.

PROBLEM #3: These Are Not Your Stories to Tell

You know what white people love doing?

They love appropriating Native culture! Seriously! They love it! And who can blame them, really? Native people have so much rich symbolism and mythology and cool clothes and neat aesthetics. Painted war ponies and buckskin dresses and shapeshifters and monsters, oh my! Indian burial grounds and vengeful spirits (oh for fuck sake enough with the vengeful Indian trope)

But here’s the deal:

The mythology you’re borrowing from belongs to a group of people who are still alive and sometimes practicing the religion you’re liberally reinterpreting

There is no such thing as a “Native American” myth. You’re talking about literally hundreds of different tribes who are culturally distinct from one another and have their own complex histories of interaction, diplomacy, war, friendship, etc. with one another for centuries before white folk got here. You erase all of that when you treat Native culture as a grab-bag of cool things you can mix and match to your liking.

Maybe, just a thought, stop it with the oppression narratives about activists and/or vengeful spirits who are real threatened by white people disturbing their homes? It’s not that there isn’t a lot to unpack in that -- I mean, white people really did conduct mass genocide against a race of people, for starters -- it’s just that this isn’t really your oppression narrative to tell.

It seems to me that folks writing about Native Americans don’t actually have any idea what Native people are like? They either think of them as anachronistic figures, an extinct and ancient group, or they think of them as people really hung up on their cultural past. Because maybe people can’t think of anything to do with a Native character other than use it as a vocal mouthpiece of one very specific part of their cultural oppression.

But please. Please stop. That is every bit as stupid and racist as making a Black character who only talks about slavery, or a Jewish character who only talks about the Holocaust, or giving all of your gay characters AIDS.

So what do you do instead?

Writing Native Characters in a Way That Does Not Suck - A Quick Primer

I can’t write a definitive guide on writing good Native representation, because there is no such guide, and if there were it would take a whole book probably, and I am not in any way even remotely an authority.

But I can give you some pointers that will help you.

(And to be honest, Native representation is so awful that the bar here is really super low, even just attempting a tiny bit is a really welcome breath of fresh air)

Choose a Tribe

Step one: Figure out what kind of Native people you’re writing about.

Because, as previously noted, Native People Are Not A Monoculture.

How do you pick a tribe? Well, start with geography. Where do you want the story to take place? Obviously people move around, so you can find folks outside of their ancestral lands, but they all started someplace, and a lot of people live where their parents and grandparents and cousins all live.

So where does your story take place? Pick a spot. Then find out what tribes live in that region. It’s not a secret. There are maps:

(Source: http://www.emersonkent.com/map_archive/native_american_tribes_map.htm)

Or maybe you want to go about this in a different way. Maybe you have a specific story idea in mind and you want to write it in a way that would be accurate and respectful. Cool! A good first step on that is to figure out what tribe actually does the thing you’re wanting to write about.

Skinwalkers, for example, originate in the Navajo Nation (Dine` people), although there are related myths from surrounding tribes in the area.

If you’re writing a story about Wendigo, then you should know those myths originate with the Algonquin people of Quebec and Ontario.

If you’re writing something with spiritually significant buffalo, you should probably choose a culture that actually interacted with buffalo -- ie, a Plains Indian tribe like the Lakota-Sioux people.

And so on and so forth.

(Note that this is only the first step. You still have to do a lot of research after this to be sure you’re doing everything properly and respectfully. And, y’know, maybe reconsider if you actually want to tell a story respecting that mythology, or if you just want to sound cool and exotic)

Also, personal preference: Please don’t make your characters Cherokee if you’re just going for “character with Native ancestry.” Please choose a different tribe. For a lot of complicated (and sometimes surprisingly racist) reasons, white people have been claiming Cherokee heritage for a long time, and even when it’s true, it feels cheap and cringey in fiction. If you want to tell a story about the Trail of Tears or something set in Tahlequa, Oklahoma, great! Write Cherokee characters! But if you just want a Native American character for other reasons...pick a different tribe.

Choose a Name

Fun fact: Modern Native people that you meet out on the street don’t have names like “Stands With Fists” or “Running Bear.”

If you have an impulse to name your character any kind of descriptive “adjective + animal” name...just don’t. Please. And don’t go to BehindTheName or some other random site to pick out something that “sounds” Native.

Names in other cultures are tricky. Some (but not all!) Native people may have a cultural tradition of having multiple names, including naming ceremonies (often as a rite of passage in adolescence). Some tribes have clan names. Everybody’s different. But these special names are culturally sensitive, often sacred, and are not a thing readily accessible to white people. White folks spent centuries trying to wipe out Indigenous people’s belief systems; they deserve to have some things kept private and sacred.

So what I’m getting at here is that white writers really, really should not touch on the “Indian naming ceremony” trope at all if they can help it, because it’s gonna be real hard to get the details right, and getting the details wrong is going to make you sound like an ignorant racist. And most of the time, it’s not really that important to a story.

Most contemporary Native people have regular English names. They may also have tribal names and clan names (that they may or may not share with outsiders). But lots of tribal members don’t, and that doesn’t make them any less Native.

My recommendation for naming your Native characters? Find real people from the time period, tribe, and region you’re writing in. Find a phone book or newspaper from a town on or near a reservation for your chosen tribe. Look at names of participants in powwows. Look at the sports rosters for Native schools. Look at historical records like census data from the year you’re writing about. Don’t just make things up.

** One Note: You know how “black” names are a thing? You encounter a similar sort of thing in some contemporary Native Americans. I grew up with a lot of kids who had “weird” names like Kirby, Sheriden, Baskerville, Sterling and Precious. (and by “weird” I mean “names middle-class white people don’t tend to use”). There’s also a lot of black-sounding names in Native populations. There’s some complex reasons behind this, and a lot of sociology of naming, and I won’t spend too much time on it right now but just...so you know. It’s a thing.

Write a Human Being

This really is the biggest thing, and it’s true of every writing you do, all the time, no matter what: Write a real person and not a caricature.

Native people are people first. Their cultural heritage affects them the way anyone else’s culture does. The things they eat, wear, do, believe, the stories they know, etc. are all affected. But Native people don’t have a responsibility to be walking representatives of their tribes. And they definitely shouldn’t be a vessel for white guilt.

(Fun fact: “Iron Eyes Cody,” maybe best known for the “Crying Indian” role in a commercial about pollution, was an Italian-American born Espera Oscar de Corti)

Here’s a really, really good article I found while working on this rant that might be of interest to you as wellas you set out on this quest: https://mashable.com/2015/03/24/american-indians-tv/

I still have so much to say on this topic, and maybe I’ll write more in the future, but this is already very long so I’ll stop. I hope this has been at least a little bit helpful for y’all. Go forth and write non-terrible characters, I beg of you.

*Disclaimer: I am not a Native person and do not claim any special knowledge or ownership of Native culture, and I beg you to please listen to Native voices when possible in your creative endeavors. I’m just a gal who happened to have spent most of my life living near reservations and growing up around Native people and having Native friends and being taught about historical cultures by my mother who has a degree in Southwest Studies and has done a lot of formal and informal research due to her own interests in the topic.

If you found this article helpful at all, please consider dropping a tip in my tip jar.

I also have a book coming out! You can pre-order it now! It features a main character of mixed heritage, New Mexico reservation border towns, and zombies trying to get by like everybody else.

Pre-Order now on B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/river-of-souls-t-l-bodine/1131956124

Or on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/River-Souls-T-L-Bodine/dp/1950305015

Or from the publisher: http://journalstone.com/bookstore/river-of-souls/?fbclid=IwAR14Qna5tMgWBV0We2uGSLreBkmyvZ5SoDAzPQpTKeFn4JR4PWSyKGl0VEo

Or add it to your Goodreads library: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46183381-river-of-souls

#how to write #writing advice #native americans #cultural appropriation #representation #long post #but please do read it #I worked on this all day

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littlefeatherr · 5 years

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11/11/11 meme

Thanks for the tag @ladytp! Sorry this took a while... no, i am not sure what the series of 11s stand for… (i only know that there are 11 questions and 11 responses so idk maybe i am supposed to tag 11 persons)

Favorite OC to write? Running Fox in Winter’s Gift. She’s fierce, and her devotion to her family drives her. I was so tired of the typical portrayal of Native American women in American media, and so she’s a pleasure to write, a character true to the Lakota women I know in real life.

Dialogue or descriptions? Dialogue. I can play out scenes of conversations in my head quite easily but descriptions, well, they can be difficult. I try not to describe things as I see them, but through the eyes of the characters and that’s not easy for me.

Favorite plot twist? Sansa saving Sandor, and Sandor really depending upon her far more than she depends upon him. Sansan fans are often depicted as treating Sansa as a “reward” for Sandor by our detractors, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sandor certainly has the muscle, brutal battle skills and survival knowledge, but Sansa is stronger in every other way possible - emotionally, mentally, spiritually. She saves him just by being herself, leading by example, so to speak.

Favorite cliché? Forced bedsharing

Favorite season? Fall

Writing by hand or on a computer/phone? Computer

Music while writing? No music, usually I have a favorite movie on as background noise. If I hear music with lyrics I’ll start singing along and get distracted.

Weirdest thing you’ve ever been inspired by? The Game of Thrones TV show.

Biggest no-no for a book? What will immediately make you put the book down if you see it? A male author describing a female character’s physical appearance ie - “her lips were swollen and full as though she’d been sucking cock for hours” or “she was strangely aware of how her breasts boobily bounced under her flimsy, tissue-thin t-shirt, which only accentuated her boobs” *gag* Also, the weird ways they describe sex, or anything remotely related to it, or violence against women. A lot can be learned about the author by the way they approach these scenes in my opinion, and I’m not here for most of it.

What titles grab your attention in bookstores? Titles don’t usually catch my attention, it’s the cover art, to be honest.

Can you describe the color purple in one sentence? Purple is the color of twilight when sunset and dusk blend into the ink of night.

I tag anyone who wants to play along, as well as @thereadersmuse @mrsblackdixon @azraelgfg @theghostqueenofhades @raginglittlehurricane@islandida @vermilionsunriseao3 @starbird1 @la-quimera @adaniejosaeh@thehoundsraven

#meme

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howlingwind · 5 years

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01. what’s your name/alias you go by ??

my name is jeff !! lmfao (i don’t let memes die) it’s not my real name but i’ve gone by cody on tumblr for a long time

02. what’s your age ??

twenty. jfc i’m old. but also apparently a fetus??

03. what’s your zodiac sign ??

aries, which couldn’t feel further from correct lmfao

04. what’s your ethnicity ??

uhh mostly italian & sicilian, but you could probably point to any white place in europe and i’ll have a little bit of that in me. i’m also 1/16th native american but it’s such a small amount and sadly i don’t even know which tribe to learn more about them.

05. what’s your nationality ??

‘murican

06. what’s your favorite band and/or musical artist ??

i’m super indecisive about everything, so it’s difficult for me to pick faves (as you’ll see in a sec) but… mac miller, post malone, johnny cash, eminem, tenacious d, colter wall, kehlani, bruno mars, snoop dogg, elvis presley, justin timberlake, sublime, the rolling stones, etc etc there’s probably a lot i’m forgetting tho. i like most types of music except country. well, modern country anyway.

07. what’s your dream job ??

uh, i don’t have one? i mean yeah, i’d love to be a writer, or game dev, or a narrative director on a game, or direct, write, or act in movies or television, but like…i could live without any of that stuff. i just want to make a decent living, be able to own a house, not completely hate my job. yknow, not a glamorous life but a good one.

08. what’s one place you would love to visit ??

idk there’s a lot of places i’d like to go, but i’d most like to visit alpha centauri, even tho that’ll never happen lol

09. what’s your favorite tv show ??

i can’t pick that! but i love a lot of shows. general hospital, lucifer, the 100, supernatural, stranger things, izombie, south park, legends of tomorrow, once upon a time, arrow (at times), dragon ball, big brother, riverdale, chilling adventures of sabrina, that 70′s show, the ranch, umm… i could probably keep listing forever.

10. what’s your favorite movie ??

hmmmm, again i’ve got a list but… joe dirt, the new guy, why him, the waterboy, 50 first dates, all the spider-man movies, thor ragnarok, man of steel, 21 jump street, 22 jump street ,and a fuckton more lol

11. what’s your favorite song ??

constantly in flux, but the current faves are — creep by radiohead, stay by post malone, no below by speedy ortiz, unshaken by d’angelo, cruel cruel world by willie nelson, wanksta by 50 cent, shooter by lil wayne & robin thicke, stressed out by 21 pilots, self care by mac miller (along with practically everything on his final album), and i will always, un-ironically love only in america by riff raff. he’s not the greatest ever but that song is hilarious and always puts me in a good mood.

12. what’s your favorite sport ??

can i say rocket league? lol

13. what’s your favorite food ??

pizza, unquestionably. cereal is a damn close second tho. or pot stickers. damn, i’m hungry…

14. what’s your favorite face claim to use ??

typically, i’ve always really liked using paul wesley, chris wood, and matt daddario. i’m using lindsey morgan for the first time now though, and i really like her as an fc too.

15. what’s your least favorite face claim ??

to use?? um pretty much any singer or model just bc their resources aren’t too great. i really didn’t enjoy using pete davidson as much as i thought i would, either lol

to see… uh probs emma roberts or andy biersack. emma for obvs reasons but also bc i once had a really bad experience with people using those fcs. idm people using whoever they feel like using tho.

16. what’s your favorite character of yours to play ?? which do you think you’re most like ??

oh man, uhh i really enjoy writing chrissy & theo. they both speak to me. but tbh i’m not much like any of my characters? i’m boring af so i tend not to make any like me lol. i am kinda like theo in the sense that i’m quiet, and really just try to be a good person. other than that i’m most like jason solely based on the fact we’re both human lol

17. what’s your sexuality ??

danversexual. attracted only to fictional danvers women, examples including carol, kara, and alex danvers.

lmfao but nah i’m just a boring straight boy. well, like 99.9% straight. jensen ackles makes me question shit.

18. what’s the last movie you saw in a cinema/theater ??

captain marvel (thanks to dani lol). only two months late but it was worth the experience haha.

19. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had ??

thankfully i’ve never really hurt myself too terribly except for a broken wrist, but between the ages of 10-17 i’d occasionally hurt my back by sitting weird, usually in an attempt to play video games without the glasses i desperately needed lol. once when i was like 11 i laid belly down on the couch with my elbows up on the arm of it for like three hours, which messed me up for days, then a few other times i hurt myself, but another bad one when i was 17, i had my back curved while sitting and propping my laptop up on my knee, tried to move and literally just cried, crawled on the floor, and laid there all night until i forced myself to move in the morning. lol luckily it hasn’t happened since i lost a little weight.

20. what’s a random or interesting fact about you ??

uhm, nothing? i literally can’t think of one, i’m dull af. i uh.. i replaced my own cpu cooler once? lmfao

21. do you listen to music while you write ??

sometimes. a lot of time i just like the silence or ambient background noise, but if i’ve got a fitting playlist for the vibe of what i’m trying to write, i’ll use it!

22. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer ??

i’m a never writer, apparently v___v but lol ideally a night writer, my best work is between the hours of 12am & 4am, but my sleeping schedule is so inconsistent, and so is my dad’s who spends literally every waking moment of his telling me different stuff he wants done, so it’s tough to hit that sweet spot. i write whenever i get a chance tho.

23. have you ever roleplayed intoxicated ??

lol nah i’ve never even had a drink. like what teenager doesn’t have a drink at some point?? i told you i’m lame.

24. what language or languages do you speak ??

english, barely. and assassin’s creed 2 taught me some italian swears. and ac: odyssey has had me occasionally dropping “malaka” bombs since the day i first played it haha.

25. how long have you roleplayed ??

officially, about 9 years. i started at 11 on myspace, rping dragon ball z stuff. but basically about 12 years, if you count how from the ages of 8-11 i’d put an anime pic up on my myspace, pretend i was older, and talk to roleplayers i didn’t realize were roleplayers lmfao.

26. favorite roleplay genre ??

i like pretty much anything, tbh. as long as it’s well thought out, has an interesting plot, or whatever. sometimes it doesn’t even need that, it just needs to catch my eye or line up with something i’m looking for. but yeah, supernatural, multi-fandom, sci-fi, romance, town rps, high school/college rps, anime rp (well, pokemon mostly), harry potter… i’ve done it all tbh and don’t particularly have a favorite.

27. one sound you hate & one you love ??

the sound of cotton stretching is the absolute worst thing to me. or scratching cotton. idk, it just sends chills up and down my spine and makes my hands feel weak lmfao. i’m weird. i really love the sound of rain, or fire crackling, or like “ambient” harp or ukulele music.

28. do you believe in ghosts ??

short answer, yes. long answer… i’m pretty sure i was friends with a ghost girl as a kid?? like no joke, even looking back at it through rational “adult” eyes, i’m still convinced. my fam moved into a new apartment, and pretty much right after that i started having dreams about a girl my age at the time (11-12). i’d never seen her before but the dreams would be like just conversations, like i was visiting a friend or something. i don’t remember them much, but i do remember the feeling of someone else in my room all the time, like you know how if someone else is around you just know even if you’re not looking at them? like that. there was even one night i was getting in bed, laid there a minute, and then i could have absolutely sworn somebody came in the room and sat down next to me on the bed because i felt the bed sink a little under their weight, but i looked and no one was there. i had a really vivid conversation/dream/thing that night. then a few nights later, for the first time since moving there i didn’t have one. the next morning my dad was really freaked out and said he fell asleep in the chair, but woke up and couldn’t breathe, and felt cold little hands over his mouth. he rationalized it as just waking up from a nightmare but i didn’t think so, so that night when i went to sleep and saw her i got really upset, yelled at her for it, and woke up right after. then i never saw or heard anything even remotely similar again, like she left or disappeared or something. it’s so weird, and i know how crazy it sounds, but yeah. don’t get me started on the topic of ghosts lmfao. THEN AGAIN, like a year later we had a carbon monoxide scare, but i really doubt the two were related because that would mean there was an entire year that we were breathing it in and the monitor didn’t do anything lol

29. do you believe in aliens ??

no alien story, thankfully, but it just makes no sense not to believe in them to me. like, we probably don’t have them on earth, and we’ve probably never encountered any, but it’s as close as you can get to a mathematical certainty that there’s some other life out there in the universe.

30. do you believe in true love ??

like, people who are just meant for each other, like romantic soulmates? nah not really. but i believe that two people can grow to truly love one another. whether it’s based off an initial attraction/infatuation, or a friendship, or both. i’d actually argue that’s a simple explanation of the biological science behind the feeling of love, but that’s an essay i’m not gonna write lol. but there’s apparently a lot of different types of love, so i guess “true love” is suggestive?

also slightly unrelated but i don’t-quite-believe-in-but-am-open-to-the-idea-of soulmates, not necessarily as two souls who are just meant for each other romantically and always end up together, but more as two or more souls that gravitate toward each other to make up the important people in each other’s lives, like family members, lovers, or close friends. but that’s more of a theoretical idea/possibility than an actual belief of mine.

31. do you hold grudges ??

um, yes. lol i try not to, and i really do want everyone to be their best/happiest selves, but some people man… some people can take a long walk off a short pier lmao

32. do you have any obsessions right now ??

PO KE MON GOTTA CATCH EM ALLLLL. also… life is strange (thanks dani lol). supernatural. stranger things (thanks dani & steph) the 100 / clexa / becho (thanks steph). lucifer. captain marvel (thanks dani). the song “creep” by radiohead and all its covers (tom ellis, haley reinhart, etc). cyberpunk 2077 (thanks dani). as you can see, i’m easily influenced lmfao.

33. do you drive & if so, have you ever been in a crash ??

nope i don’t drive, precisely because i’d definitely end up in a crash lol

34. do you like the smell of gasoline ??

uh that’s a big fat no from me, chief

35. do you prefer writing fluff, angst, or smut ??

i like it all equally, i think. i just really like writing & rp in general. i did run a smut rp once in the past tho. it gets old quick tbh and is the one of the three i can live without lol

36. are you in a relationship ??

bahahahahahahaha no.

37. grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what is the 17the line ??

❝ “and why would that be?” kronos’s golden eyes glittered. ❞

— the last olympian by rick riordan.

38. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

1. season of the witch – donovan 2. riot van – arctic monkeys 3. busta rhymes – qveen herby 4. der kommissar – after the fire

also i gotta cheat because it’s too perfect that the next two are

5. stay – mac miller (one of my favorites ever that i forgot to mention above) 6. only in america – riff raff (i just love this ok. the video is hilarious but tw james franco for those that don’t like him)

#pandemonium: task #// i’m always last 😔 lmfao #// also this is like a mile long idek why so if you actually read this?? you’re a saint lol #→ por queue

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rotationalsymmetry · 3 years

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commenting on without reblogging (which is taking a lot more willpower than usual):

Sometimes trans people with weird identities latch onto a way of describing that experience that is problematic. They encounter the term "two spirit" and it seems to fit but they're not native american and they don't have the context to fully and accurately understand what that means. Or they use "transgender" as a gender identity rather than a modifier of a gender identity. Or they use outdated language. Etc.

(Or, in this case, an afab person feels like a trans woman. What does that mean? I don't know. But I sure hope she figures it out. I too sometimes identify more, in specific ways, with transfeminine people than with people who share my assigned gender at birth. Specifically, and I don't think this is what this other person was saying, I'm about 100% sure that if I was born into a male body I'd identify as a crossdresser, because as it is I want to be seen as masculine (or at least not actively feminine?) in my everyday life and feminine for sex, and that's a common enough thing for amab people, and I've never encountered anyone else expressing that as part of their sense of who they are who is afab. Maybe there are more people like that, maybe it gets just written off as "well, I'm a feminist, of course I don't want men sexualizing me in my everyday life" idk. I don't think it's just that though. And at this point I'm sure that gravitating towards femininity in a sexual context isn't just socialization, it's actively part of who I am, at my core, in a way that not all people are.) (There's an older book called GenderQueer: Voices from Beyond the Sexual Binary that I strongly recommend for anyone who finds themselves resonating with this. It's nearly 20 years old and from well before the modern idea of "nonbinary" crystallized.) Trans people (and people who aren't entirely sure if they're "really trans" but whose identity is more complicated than "100% and exclusively identify with the gender everyone else thinks I am") have the right to try to figure out what their deal is, and figuring it out is more important than using the precise right wording for our own experiences. That isn't to say you have to grit your teeth and ignore it when a trans person says something painful, but it does mean that before you step in and tell them they're wrong, you should check yourself. Do I know this person, and do I have the sort of relationship where they'll welcome feedback from me? Am I sure about the correction/call out I want to make? Can I do it with compassion? Am I able to differentiate between what this person is trying to say and how they're saying it, so that my criticism comes across as "phrasing!" and not as "you are bad and wrong for talking about this/for having the identity you have." I got into a weird online fight with a cis person online one time for trying to express that bisexuals should be able to explain our orientation in words that make sense to us, and some of my words came out in a way that was Not Great because there was context I didn't understand. But my concept was right: bisexuals (and m-spec people who use other labels like pansexual) should have their ability to express feelings and thoughts about their own identity, that that should be given a higher priority than using the exact most PC language. (This is also an issue for intersectional identities: class and educational background, english as a second language, developmental disabilities can all create barriers to using the "right" language.) That's also the case for trans people looking around for the best way to explain what they are in a world that is fundamentally hostile to trans people and doesn't want to give us words to explain ourselves. The last thing trans people need is to be shouted down and told to be silent by our own fucking community. To be told that unless we can say things perfectly according to someone else's standard, then we shouldn't say anything at all. Again, not to say you can't ever call someone out for questionable/problematic language use. But be kind. And don't suppress people's attempts at self-exploration and self-understanding, because that's more important than getting the words right. (I mean, technically I can't determine how important it is for non-indigenous people to keep our hands off culturally specific terms? But I don't think the occasional non-binary person misusing the term "two-spirit" as they're trying to figure out what they are, is the worst problem here.) (Plus...sometimes people aim for

cultural appropriators and hit people who are actually from the culture that is supposedly being appropriated. It's a concept that has to be handled with some finesse, and balanced against the basic principle of "be careful about telling other people they're doing it wrong.") (And no, I still don't think that a bisexual getting told they're wrong for expressing their orientation in terms of genitals* is more important than a bisexual figuring out that they are bisexual and communicating that, in whatever words come most naturally to them. And I still don't think a bisexual telling a family member or whoever "I'm bisexual, that means I'm attracted to men and women, I don't switch orientations every time I switch dating partners" is remotely a problem. It's not the most precise language. And some bisexuals are not attracted to both men and women. But someone who doesn't get what bisexual means is also going to have difficulty understanding nonbinary people, and it often makes sense to have those awkward conversations separately, and the person with the confused relative gets to make that call, not the entire freaking internet.) (Also, it is so bad that whenever I want to have a conversation online with bisexuals about bisexuality, we invariably get derailed by the great bi/pan wars and how bisexuality should be defined and I hate that, that actively interferes with us understanding ourselves and finding community, it is not OK.) (*This does happen. There is a hugely popular FB group nominally about bisexuality, and whenever a bisexual expresses their orientation in terms of genitals or uses language that implies that there are only men and women, that person gets dogpiled by dozens of other group members. Even when it's eg a post about coming out to that person's parents, or something else vitally important to that person's personal life. A situation where that person should be centered, and using the exact right language for another marginalized group that happens to overlap a lot with bisexuals should not be. This happens. And it's wrong.)

#intracommunity discourse #if you're not queer don't reblog #probably don't reblog even if you are #lgbtq+#discourse #callout culture #commenting on without reblogging #personal #pain #like yes using more trans inclusive language is good #that doesn't mean it's appropriate to yell at everyone every time they don't

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infinitelsewhere · 6 years

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Day 2 night 3

Today was awesome. I even cried in front of the group. First one! Hahaa

Had a class on remote viewing and then our teachers surprised us with guest speaker Joe Mcmoneagle who worked for stargate and is the most renound remote viewer on the planet. That was a gift I will never forget. He spoke from 7 until midnight with us.

Today was amazing. I met my native American Spirit family in focus 12. ( no explanation - wrote it In my journal)

I went on a run and sat in the sun and thought of many photo shoots on my break... and was bombarded with new knowledge in between

I got to talk to Martine the old French lady that I just love so much. Turns out she is a psychologist and a shaman. She’s very into Native American stuff like me and has a calling to Native American jewelry just like me too. I am tryin to get the serial number off of her Chanel glasses because I need to have the same ones haha! I can’t ask that would be strange. But I guess it’s even more odd that I keep sneaking glances at them while they are on the table. Lol I also need to know what lip liner and lipstick she uses... I think it would be perfect for me too lol. I just love her for some reason. Oh and I did find out that she jumped out of a window because she was in a session with a client and he tried to stab her with a 20 inch dagger so she flew out of the window in hopes of surging the aggressor. She’s got some body pain but she’s healing up just fine! She says she went to school in big sur for shamanism... I just wanna do it for my self and have that knowledge. It may be my next venture. I didn’t really understand her but I think she said it’s 3 weeks in a row once a year for three years. But I’ll find out more- I told her I wanted to know more about her schooling. She incorporates psychology and shamanic work all in one. Idk ? But I love it.

Theres something that the teachers see in me that’s different than the others. They keep a special eye on my progress.

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cheerstocrazy · 5 years

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Dates with Hippie

9/7 Met him from Hinge. We actually swiped right on each other a couple of years ago from Bumble, but I don’t think he remembers, and I only remember bc I stalked him and was making fun of him with PP abt a white guy loving India. He was really eager in conversations with me and replied hella quickly. He even told me I was cute TWICE, when he had never met me in person. He invited me to the mariachi festival at DTSA. I was thinking mariachi?? Whatever, be a good sport. Parking was a nightmare. Walked around bc he wasn’t replying to my texts, watched the mariachi on my own. Started walking toward Wursthaus and saw him, and thought hey, he’s pretty cool, tall, looks abt the same as his photos or even better. Called him to tell him I was there and asked where he was. I don’t think he took it as srsly as he should have. He wasn’t really talking to me?? And was more invested in the performances and also his cousin came, so he was with us the whole time. It was so weird. We weren’t really talking abt anything except what music we both liked. He also seemed to know everyone in DTSA. He went to fix the sound when the girl’s PA wasn’t working. I was thinking wtf, you’re supposed to be on a date WITH ME, talking TO ME. Here you are leaving me alone and talking to other people. My parking meter was going to expire in 90 mins, and I was thinking abt booking it then. I was over watching the girl at the stage, so he said we should go to the mariachi stage to catch his friends. I wanted a drink and mentioned that too….saying I wanted a Michelada. It was 10 bucks, such a scam!! And I was like can we pleaseeeeee go get a drink, I’M DYING!!!! We went to Vacation bar and got a batshit host who talked too much. We got Mezcal drinks, and he was asking me abt my spirit animal, and I straight up said Joanne the scammer. Then he said no, a literal animal, so I said a sloth lol. Then after I heard their way better answers, I was like have you guys thought abt this in detail? I asked what animal is a savage. And they probed me abt how savage I was. I replied: I am the most savage person you have ever met. I’m withholding it rn bc you guys aren’t ready for who I really am. Randal said trust me, you can’t shock me, just be who you really are. That’s what I want to know abt people, who they really are and upfront so I’m not shocked later on. I was like you have no idea who I am. And I’m savage for a reason, you don’t know what my intentions are. You have to know if I’m actually a good person or not, and you need way more context to get what I’m saying. My savagery isn’t from malice, it’s for fun and bc I’m evil. They also insulted me correct gif pronunciation. He asked me abt Jorja Smith. I said I would reincarnate as her. We shit on the govt a little bit, and I said whatever you feel, I feel it 5x stronger. Idr the rest, we left to go back to the mariachi. He saw more of his friends, he was planning on hanging out with his group of friends then he lost them. We ended up going to The Gypsy Den, so his cousin could pee. I also finally checked my phone to realize my PARKING METER HAD EXPIRED FOR OVER AN HR. I WAS FREAKING OUT. I CAN’T AFFORD A TICKET!!!! I ran back to find out someone had put more money in my meter. YOU FREAKING ANGEL!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCHH!!!! The car behind me had been ticketed. I am so lucky. Bless up. There are good people in the universe. He asked me do you have rhythm? I was like with what? Dancing? Yes ofc, I’m not a gringo. I came back and we went to an art gallery. Randall asked me what my thoughts were. Me: I don’t like this art/paintings. It’s all dumb and I don’t get it. We went to this other gallery area and he asked me what my thoughts were on this seemingly Japanese and Native American painting. To which I replied, cultural appropriation. I said I would need more context from this artist to see if he/she really understand the history of these people and how their paintings were highlighting anything abt these cultures. We went into another exhibit, and Idk what lead us to this topic, but I said we need more diversity in art, that goes across literature, music, etc. And that there are a lot of good people in the world, but the bad ones are what you remember. I agreed, but my line of thought was more that the bad have so much power. It fucking sucks knowing I can’t do anything abt it. I said I come from a place of a lot of privilege and I want to lift everyone too. Why do the bad people want to suppress and oppress people?? After this, we wanted to go get drinks but his cousin wanted food, so he FINALLY LEFT, SO WE COULD TALK ALONE. We watched this older group of men perform some surfy music, which was not bad at all. I enjoyed it a lot. It was funny bc everyone stood in this whole ass perimeter away from the musicians. Idky they self-segregated, it made me laugh. If nothing else, this is what I’ll take away from Randall’s date with me. We were laughing at this one lady who was dancing in the middle and recording some of the band. I referenced Kris Jenner’s You’re doing amazing, sweetie, and he didn’t get it smh. By now, he had put his arm around me and was lightly touching me. It was a bit past 10 and his cousin and he were talking abt leaving. He said there was a mezcalero close to his apt, and that I could stop by…...if I wanted, so yeah…..He said it so awkwardly, both his cousin and I were like why’d you have to say it like that?? And he replied, bc that’s who I am...that’s me. Then they both stared at me for an answer, and I said stop staring at me, it’s making me uncomfortable. I said I’d come. Parking was horrible. I drank more than I ate yday. I texted him I was there, and he came outside. We walked to the mezcal bar, and the service was shat bc the bartenders were so busy so he asked if I had heard of the Blind Donkey, so we went there instead. Neither of us had been there before, but it was pretty poppin. We got our drinks and I stupidly walked us back out to the entrance thinking it was the upstairs lmao idiot. We sat on a random couch, but it was too loud, so we moved back behind the speakers. They were playing throwback indie bangers, and I was loving. They played Banquet by Bloc Party, and An Honest Mistake by the Bravery. I was like ugh so good, I was sitting dancing, then when Gorillaz DARE came on, I was like okay let’s go dance, and grabbed his hand. He wasn’t a horrible dancer, could use more rhythm, but he was legitimately dancing and having fun, which is what I appreciate! They kept playing really good shit, then he went to dance behind me and sometimes he would wrap his arms around me and hold me which felt nice. And I think his head rested perfectly over my head bc I’m that small. I turned around at one point and kissed him, and he’s not a bad kisser at all. I liked it/him a lot. 8/10. I expect nothing less than his caliber of kissing...Males should not kiss like wet fish or be sloppy. You guys are all old and have had multiple gfs!!! All I have to say for these 90 minutes was that I had a blast, and it was so much fun, and it’ll probably go down as one of my favorite nights of this year. I’m pretty sure we were the only ones dancing at most points of the night, and I DIDN’T EVEN CARE. I am wayyy too tired to process everything, but I had a ton of fun. I mean the latter half of the night will be part of that best night of the year too. Dancing with someone remotely familiar who knows the music is always a fun experience. I asked to leave to get some fresh air, and we hugged outside. He said let’s go take a walk. Not sure what we talked about, but it was nice to be on empty streets walking around. We held hands the entire time. The topic of drugs came up, and I was saying I understand why people take drugs to cope with life bc it’s so fucking hard sometimes, and it’s so overwhelming. It’s hard to deal with it on your own. It’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. It feels like a hell hole. He said something along the lines of yeah, I’ve succumbed a few times. I’ve fallen into a depression and went to sleep not wanting to wake up bc there was nothing going for me. Then we got back to his apt area, and we sat on some random steps. Not really sure what we spoke abt here or what his game plan was. He put his arm around me and we chilled. And I kept looking to the left bc I didn’t want to make eye contact to the right O_O He lightly tapped me on my shoulder, so I turned around, then he immediately kissed me (which was so smooth). He’s a great kisser. I liked his rhythm and style. He does the triple lingering kiss at the end which is my favorite thing. He also caresses me full body which is nice too. I’m not that affectionate...so...I’ll work on that. He kissed me all throughout my neck, shoulders, ears. He’s pretty good. At one point, I put my legs over his leg, and it got more intense. He started caressing my legs and going up my thighs. I told myself I wouldn’t get WGW or have sex tonight. Generally, my hand goes immediately to a man’s crotch and I tried to remain as restrained as possible. Then he started going close to my underwear or over it, so I was like yo, 2 can play at this game. And I already knew he had been hard for probably hours, so I grabbed it from outside his pants..and he was wet already. I rubbed his balls, and I could hear him moaning in my ear. He kept putting his hand through my hair to kiss me more intensely, and all I could think was I’M BALD. DON’T DO THIS TO ME. YOU’RE LITERALLY TAKING HAIR OUT!!! My life is already so difficult ); I think earlier he had asked if I was going to drive home or wanted to stay over, and I said I can drive home. He said good bc he lived in a studio and space was limited. Then ¾ into the makeout session, that was TAKING FOREVER with SO MANY PEOPLE PASSING BY AND WATCHING AND SEEING MY CROTCH FLASHED, he whispered, do you really have to go home, can’t you just stay? I didn’t reply. Then this one guy with LLD who made a lot of noise passed by us, so I stopped and looked at him. He laughed….then later he asked can we go to your car and do this in a not so sketchy spot. We are not 17!!!! You are too big for my car anyway. This is fine--there is space here! At points, we would stop kissing and I hugged him tight and rested my head on his shoulder to enjoy the moment, intimacy, and silence. I almost wanted to say this is nice, thanks. Thank god, I didn’t. I also wanted to pull out my phone and soundtrack this scene to Heartbeats by Jose Gonazlez, but that’d be TOO CHEEZY. One time I rested my head on his shoulder and was closing my eyes bc I was so sleepy!!! He’s like are you sleeping??? Bitch I MIGHT BE. I always thought he would finish kissing me after we ended with our lingering kisses, then he’d come back for more. Finally, I said I’m gonna head out bc I’m so tired. He said he’d walk me. We held hands and he walked me back. I said I still have my gum in my mouth, it’s called talent. We kissed AGAIN at the car, then he squeezed me tight and let me go. Told me to drive home safe and light slapped my ass. I was so tired. I still am. How do I feel about all of this? It was a nice and fun night. Did it beat the effortlessness and ease of convo with Liorr? No...But I generally don’t kiss anyone I kind of like/who has potential on the first date. We made out for an entire fucking hour. Holy fuck, NO WATER, NUFFIN. That’s impressive m8. We hung out for about 9 hours. That’s A LONG ASS TIME. I didn’t necessarily feel an intense connection/chemistry, but that’s bc Idk him. There weren’t any red flags for me. Whenever I expressed my opinion, he would validate it and build upon it which is refreshing considering most guys would become defensive and be quick to strike my opinion down. You asked for it, you twats. If you asked me for a perfect date, it would be either be dancing + drinks at a festival/bar, and I got that. I had a fucking blast. Imagine if I actually had a FESTIVAL BAE. WAH ALL I WANT IS TO BE HELD!!!

9/13 Date #2

Initial reactions: I felt so safe, seen, understood. It’s so easy. I’m shook. You know how after Tyler and Hannah’s date, Hannah said “I’ve never felt so respected”--that’s how I feel on a smaller scale. I like this d00d bc he has no ego and actually listens to me and replies directly to what I say. We’re so in sync physically, it’s stupid. It’s so easy to talk to him, and the way he holds me--everything. Kill me, I love his kisses; I love the way he smells. He’s way more romantic than me and so affectionate. I am stone cold, and he makes me not want to be that and reciprocate to maybe ⅓ of his level. Who raised him? They did so well! And all his exes did so WELL IN TEACHING HIM HOW TO TREAT A GIRL AND HOW TO KISS.

I think I like him. That was probably one of my favorite dates ever, if not my favorite date. It was so easy, relaxed, chill, low-key. He said he was leaving for HB early, and wasn’t texting me afterward, so I was kind of hesitant if he actually left or not. I was thinking, “What if I get stood up? Whatever, I can drink at the beach by myself. NBD” He did reply and said he was parked which made me feel relieved. I got out of the car and saw that he was parked and walking toward me. I’ll never get over how tall he is. He surely is taller than 6 ft!!! We walked toward the beach, talked abt our day. I saw that there was a patrol looking car driving along the street we were walking. It was a trash truck, and it was emptying/putting new bags along the walkway. We walked away, and somehow it would always end up behind us. Whatever. We mostly talked about drugs and his experiences with it. I opened a beer too while we talking. He talked abt his preference for psychedelics. He said he did acid while in India with a girl he met up with whom he had hooked up on and off for 3 years back when he was younger. He said the conversation they had while on acid was the reason they were able to maintain a friendship afterwards, otherwise that would’ve been over. Hmmm, cryptic. We finally got to the benches/tables I wanted to sit at, and I said my boots were hurting (which they were). It was pretty wet, but I put down my blanket for us to sit on it. We talked a lot abt his experiences traveling in Sri Lanka/India. I wanted to know more abt Sri Lanka and how he traveled there. He also said India is his favorite country and he wants to return again next year. I asked him what’s the pull for India? Why? He explained to me he liked the duality and chaos, the mix of wealth and poverty, there’s always a lot going on, etc. I said it’s so strange for me to hear someone who loves it so much when my experience was so different and frustrating. I talked abt the instance where we almost got sexually assaulted. He replied: yeah, sorry about that. That’s horrible, I can’t imagine how it is to travel as a girl there. I really appreciated that response. How many guys in the world would be able to apologize, validate me, and empathize? Maybe 3 people. When we sat next to each other, he always rubbed/caressed my back, and they were really good massages tbh!!! When I was telling my India story, he didn’t really do that anymore, sensing the urgency and conflict to come in my story. And Idk when he did this, but we were talking and he ended up resting his head on my shoulder leaning back into me, and it was so cute, I nearly died. I hadn’t been touching him or doing anything. He seemed to feel really comfortable. We talked a lot abt his marketing agency bg, and we talked abt being laid off and what we did after that. I think we were in this weird intertwined position. He hugged me from behind, and he was sitting to my left, but his head was on my right shoulder, so I leaned opp way..and he replied so basically we did the same shit and ran away, diff times. I told him I had the same birthday as Donald Trump and I could relate to him when I was 12 bc I’ve since grown up. When I was 11, I told a kid who stood up on a chair, “be careful not to break the chair!” My teacher, Thompson smh and was like Natalie, you can’t say shit like that. Hippie said he was never in a position to be a bully bc he moved schools when he was in 4th grade from Mississippi to Louisiana. He said he was a hillbilly and spoke with a different accent. I asked him what kind of accent it was, and he kept saying oh man, Idek how to do it anymore. Saying I reckon etcetc, and I laughed bc I hear that only in shows/movies and from British people. He told me I smelled nice. I said, “You do too! I can’t pinpoint the smell tho.” Him: I did shower! He said it’s probably my conditioner. I smelled his hair, and it was def his conditioner. He said when he was working at his agency, he was considered the nerd there bc he played video games and was weird, then he said when he went to work at Blizzard in Irvine, he felt like a jock bc he has interests outside of video games. I can’t even imagine how dweeby everyone is there. He kept saying how tough this year is for him, but he feels like with the changing of the seasons, fall feels like it’s gonna be better (I BETTER BE A PART OF IT). I was starting to get worked up abt my job and complaining, so he said we don’t have to talk abt work anymore and kissed me. We kissed for a long ass time, and he told me, “I really like kissing you.” I replied “I like kissing you, too.” Then he said something like, “I could just sit here and kiss you all night, it’s ridiculous. I especially love your bottom lip. It’s so *insert adjective I can’t recall thick? Juicy? plump?* He kept playfully kissing only my bottom lip, and it was so cute UGH KILL ME. He kissed every inch of my body, legs to arms, head to toe. HE KNOWS HIS WAY AROUND ;_; He kept telling me I was so cute. He asked me if we could go back somewhere, but I said none of us live near here. Funny tidbit: He fingered me (and it was really smooth and FUCKING GOOD. I think our sex would be incredible) then he when he ended, he licked each finger, and he said, “Damn, you taste so fucking good. Weird compliment, but it’s true.” I laughed. I was wearing my high-waisted shorts, and he kept trying to unzip from the front, and I told him the zipper is on the side. He asked why the belt was in the front? “Aesthetics.” He was super hard, but I didn’t want to go thru the trouble of unbuckling his belt and unzipping. He said you know you can undo my pants. So I did...and he asked if I could do it with one hand. And in my head, I was like BRUH PLS LEAVE IT TO THE EXPERT. During this period was when the trash picking up man kept going back and forth behind us making so much noise. I was like srsly??? WE’RE DOING STUFF HELLO. And people were walking at night too. It’s 2am!!! Why wouldn’t you walk during the daytime??? We hugged each other during these moments and laughed. It was a full moon this night, so the beach was so gorgeous and illuminated. When we finished, he said “I should put my dick away.” It was def above average and kind of long??? At the end of everything, when I was folding up the wet blanket, he came from behind and hugged/held me, saying you’re so freaking cute. We stood there and idk what to do but it felt so nice, safe, warm. *cries* He kissed my neck and did the sideways kiss (which I always find super fucking awkward and unromantic), but it was totally sweet and natural with him. I really relished the quiet moments between us. Then we walked back and were talking abt the govt, economics, and corporations. He and I agree on everything so whatever I said, he’d say too. He walked me to my car and we said bye. He held me and kissed me for an extended amt of time. He kept doing the lingering kisses and I couldn’t bring myself to leave. He’s my favorite kisser for sure. I remember thinking “not to be dramatic, but his kisses could bring world peace.”

9/18 Date #3 in Orange

There were so many things that annoyed me before the date. So he said hey I have the apt to myself, come hang out. I thought I was going to Long Beach. I think I worked a 10 hr day, and was like fuck I have to haul ass up to LB now. GREAT. I texted him I was headed out, then he said he was going to an open mic night in Orange. And I was like well wtf, we made plans and you’re just telling me this now? He always tells me things so last minute. I HATE IT.

Initial thoughts: I don’t think we’re compatible with each other. I don’t think we’re at the same points in our live bc I’ve just come out of my crisis (it’s been a year), and he’s in the thick of his. I don’t think he has enough security in his life to take on another human. And that’s fine--I’m not even needy (ok kind of) but self-sufficient. Not only is he not ready to be in a relationship, but I don’t think we want the same things right now either or have enough common ground. He’s into playing live music and his music collective; he’s spiritual, into yoga and rock climbing. I’m not into that at all. He’s going to a festival for a while, and it’s all spiritual meditation/yoga, which is my fucking nightmare. He never asks anything abt me. It’s mostly me asking questions and getting to know him. Maybe he was having an off day yday. He literally said “I need a place to live 10/1...and ya that’s not going” I’m pretty level-headed abt this, but also I don’t want to be with someone (even if it’s casual) at their best or normal self. I don’t want to be a burden or carry the weight of their burdens. Is that selfish??? I’m realizing this may not be in and taking it in stride. It doesn’t have to be a permanent thing or even something that endures. It could be temporary idk. I’m tempering my feelings for sure. I don’t think I’m the girl for him. I think I’d be a stabilizing force for him and a good ear to bounce ideas off and someone to whom he could vent, but what’s in that for me? I’m learning to be more selfish, not just with my standards, but what I get out of these things. I didn’t have as much fun this time as the last 2, but the bar was so high from the last 2. We can’t always be our best selves, but I’m always my best self when I’m with someone new. Interesting tidbit: He told me the first time he cried was 2012 to Brokeback Mountain. The moment I knew I wasn’t it: He described his dream house/living situation..He said he only wanted to live with musicians and wanted a spare room with a studio to host jam sessions, playing sessions, which is not to say he wants that exclusively and can’t like other things. But I’m so faaaaaaar from that and any other of his passions. I think he’s so invested in music and has tunnel vision with that, that he only wants to be surrounded by other people who want that, too, whereas most normal musicians have non-music friends too. This is me maybe assuming, but I think I’m astute. At the end of the night, we hugged bye and it felt so weird, and I didn’t know what was gonna happen. Bc the entire time, it felt like I was pulling out teeth to keep the conversation going, and he was so aloof and withdrawn. I would cater the convo to topics he liked, and he would give me depressing answers that took me aback. Like when I asked if he snowboarded, he said no, that could hurt my legs. He was so trite. Talked abt his ACL surgery, everything bad that he had experienced….I heard abt it. It was draining for me to listen and keep up a positive attitude and maintain any semblance of levity. At the end, he hugged me, told me to have fun, and have a safe drive out to Vegas. He held me for a bit, so Idk we ended up kissing. It felt empty. He dropped his skateboard and hydro before he kissed me, kind of clunky, kind of funny. I left feeling discouraged and frustrated.

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