#intracommunity discourse

[tzipporahs-well]

Dear jumblr:

I was gone for like three days because of a painful medical procedure and worried sick about it. Now, I’m seeing bs of jumblrs turning against each other.

Come on: we’re better than this.

It’s bad enough other people hate us. Let’s not tear ourselves apart from the inside. Let’s not act like the Erev Rav.

Recall the message from Haftarah Shemini. Like Michal, we are hurting, and we are in pain. It makes sense why we are in pain. But things will not end up well if we act instinctively on that pain.

If you want good examples of critique, look to the Prophets. They critiqued loads of people usually people in power: sometimes in harsh ways. But they never wished death upon them. When kings of Israel do stupid shit, there’s heavy critique in the text but death is not wished upon them. It is merely prophecied for these figures. As we are not in the age of prophecy, we don’t have that power anymore.

It’s alright to be angry. I hear you. I’m frustrated and angry too. But recognize that we the Jewish people are in a lot of pain. Take a step back before you respond or post. I highly recommend reading the Na (Nevi’im) part of Tanakh. You will see many demonstrations of critique against authority figures without it getting weird. The Psalms and their commentary may also help you get your feelings out. And even if they don’t, if you read more about their context they were written in, that can also help you process your feelings. If you’re good at expressing yourself on the page, try writing your own psalms. Evaluate if your anger level is justified for the situation rather than if the anger itself is justified. Don’t just take all the anger you have and dump it. That’s how we fall into baseless hatred. The feastmaker, Bar Kamsa, Rome, and even Hashem fell into baseless hatred in that their rage was righteous but their level of their rage was not (Rabbi Fohrman, Baseless Hatred series on Aish).

We need to do better. Please 🥺

[edenfenixblogs]

This is very fascinating to me, an American reform Jew who has never really been in an orthodox community.

I am extremely Jewish. I went to a Jewish school all the way until high school. I had a bat mitzvah. I read and speak Hebrew and studied it all through school.

We read the entire Tanakh and had deep philosophical and halchic discussions. We had weekend retreats to engage in Jewish practices and study year round.

The idea that other people would consider me a lapsed Jew is not something I have EVER encountered in America and is something I was always told was more of A Thing in Israel or orthodox circles.

I’ve never had a conservative Jew perceive me as less Jewish in any way.

I fully agree that reform Jews have much more individualistic practices, but also that those practices are centered around the same texts and culture as any other Jew. I grew up learning about “fences around fences,” and was taught that we each get to determine what those fences are for ourselves. Our practice may be individual in ways, but they are based in a deep understanding of our religion through years of study. We have the same understanding, but different fences. That’s all.

I don’t think people who grew up in close knit orthodox communities necessarily have an understanding of how much it takes to maintain culture in diaspora. When you are the only Jew in your town or your school and you only see other Jews occasionally.

I was lucky. It is a miracle I grew up in a Jewish environment where I got to say prayers every day and have holidays off.

My cousins don’t have any Jewish friends and yet are still engaging in studies with a traveling rabbi so that they can have their bat mitzvahs. (Bat mitzvot?)

Being reform often involves a tremendous amount of continuous practice and dedication in environments with no daily or community support outside of services.

The choice to learn Halacha and see ways to interpret it in daily life and to think Jewishly when the world around us is not set up to make that easy at all is a brave one and one more deeply rooted in Judaism and dedication to practice than I think people in more close knit communities understand.

I know several orthodox people but none that would think less of reform practice, because they too live in situations where they are culturally isolated and learned their orthodox practices from communities that no longer exist.

I know I'm writing this right as shabbat is coming in and tbh I'm fine with that. I'm so tired of Jews saying that if they don't keep shabbat or practice Judaism in an orthodox way they're "bad jews" or "not observant." Um, no, that's not true. That's now how it works.

Reform Jews who use electricity on Shabbat are just as observant. Because Reform rabbis did the same work of Torah law interpretation, and came up with a different answer than orthodox Jews, but using the same process and approach to reading the text. They didn't go, "this is inconvenient so we're just not gonna do it." They said, "where orthodoxy sees electricity as something that may create a spark and therefore violates the melachot around making fire, we see it as a current, like water flowing, and just as it is permitted to use a faucet on Shabbat, so is flipping an electric switch."

If you choose to not be observant because it's not for you, that's fine. But orthodoxy is not the only way to be observant of Jewish practice. There's no line of what makes you observant and what doesn't, and that doesn't just go for Shabbat but it's the easiest example to illustrate my point. The Torah just says, "observe the Shabbat." That's it. If you look around on Friday night and go, "oh hey it's Shabbat, huh?" then tell me how that isn't observing the Shabbat? If you light candles and make kiddush and then go out to a movie, haven't you observed it? The Rabbis in the Babylonian era interpreted what Jewish practice looks like in a diaspora without the cultural/religious structure around a central temple, but that has been re-interpreted in every generation since and continues to be.

The real question is, are you making informed choices about your practice or are you just doing what works for you? Which is also fine, by the way. The thing that bothers me is when people think that only orthodox Jewish practices are "real" or legitimate. An orthodox friend of mine once started shit talking Reform Jews to me (why???) and how they aren't observant like she is. So I asked her if she tears her toilet paper on Shabbat and she said yes, of course. I pointed out that there are a lot of charedi Jews who would consider that a blatant violation of Shabbat and that, in their eyes, she wouldn't be considered shomer Shabbat. It's all a spectrum, there's no ONE right way.

My favorite Midrash is that the Temple had 13 entrances - one for each of the 12 tribes, and one for those who weren't sure which one they belonged to/didn't belong to any of them. Judaism is such an inherently pluralistic ethnoreligion, please stop buying into the brainrot bullshit that only charedim can do it correctly.

[nixisverytired]

Can we take a moment to think about the younger trans men and mascs on tumblr right now?

I was a teenager when ace and transmed discourses were at their peaks, and I can’t exaggerate how badly it affected me then.

Now trans men are the latest target, and I’m terrified for trans kids.

It’s easy to say “intracommunity discourse is an online problem! Go talk to queer people irl!”, but people forget that so many kids and teenagers do not have safe or reliable access to IRL LGBT+ communities and support groups. For many, online spaces are the only option.

We need to make sure the younger members of our community are being heard, and block out the hateful voices with messages of support and encouragement. Things are bad enough for trans people right now, and it's easy to forget that trans minors are often the ones suffering the most.

To any younger trans men or transmasculine people reading this:

The hate you are experiencing isn’t normal, it hasn’t always been like this, and it won’t always be this way. It is bleeding out from a small, miserable group of self-absorbed jerks.

Don’t feel obligated to call them out, don’t feel like you have to interact with these people. Please don’t doomscroll through discourse tags; it will make you feel like everyone is out to get you.

If you want to speak up for your community, that’s fine, but please take a break if you feel like your mental health is worsening. Block anybody who so much as breathes rudely in your direction.

You’re just as trans as the rest of us. You are welcome here.

Oh, and if you want to seek out external resources and groups, PFLAG helped me a lot when I was younger. It is an American-based organization, however, so if anyone has recommendations for those living outside of the US, please let me know in the reblogs!

[aromichaelshelley]

can't say i love the aro community becoming increasingly hostile to aroaces, especially when a lot of us have already been alienated from the ace community for the exact same reason. i don't like the conflation of asexuality and aromanticism either, but some people seem to be getting reallll comfortable with casual acephobia. like. man just say you hate ace people, you're not special

[intersexcat-tboy]

Quick, forget intersectionality!

I think not. I'm not going to just forget something a lot of people consider a world view shifter. What follows wasn't even a viable comparison anyways 😭

[cardentist]

reinforcing oppression is never punching up, even if it's pointed at someone who IS in a position of power over you

queerphobia, transphobia, misogyny, racism, xenophobia, are all still those things when pointed at a target that you think deserves it. there is no such thing as justified bigotry, there is Only bigotry.

that's why HOW we say something is just as important as What we're trying to say, Especially when it comes to intracommunity issues. too often we spread bigotry in the name of lifting other members of our community up, when that is simply not necessary.

we need to be Very aware of how we talk about other community members and other minority groups, if we let our communities be infested with bigotry in the name of doing good then that bigotry will lay roots and poison us

[transsexualfiend]

I wish the queer people who insist that there are "good gays" and "bad gays" understood that in real life, there is no distinction. And the infighting is both harmful and also pointless. In the real world, queers are loving their many partners, transitioning however they want, using whatever names and pronouns they want, having whatever sex they want, playing with whatever kinks/fetishes they want, making whatever art/music they want, and just LIVING however they want.

At the end of the day, no offense, all the infighters sound so ridiculous because nothing they say will change the real, existing cultures that we've built.

[thepunkwolf1312]

im autistic and didnt realize that ive been arguing with a radfem and that i'll never change his veiws.. so sorry for filling ya'lls feeds with discourse. in my mind i was all "oh yeah this individual is calm and chill and wants to learn" but no they.. they don't.

anyways appology over! have a nice day everypuppy! try not to do what i did and dont fall into the angry traps!

[starryroe]

imagine making a comic about how infighting in the trans community is bad no matter what and then when the Wrong People relate to it and start sharing it you go "actually that comic was bad, infighting is good" and delete it saying that it was a mistake

[your-average-mess-on-all-fronts]

Btw, people are allowed to "look stereotypically gay" even if they aren't. Let men who date women talk in an effeminate way and dress fem and wear makeup without calling them eggs. Let women who date men dress butch and go to the gym and talk flat without saying it's comphet. People don't owe you a presentation that you can fit into a box.

[textk4kira]

Csigender, straight aces exist and can date, have sex, get married, be homophobic, be transphobic. They are cisheteronormative. Bisexuals can't ever be straight and experience homophobia even when passing as straight. Cisgender, straight aces are literally straight and comparing bisexuals to straight people is BIPHOBIC.

HSSD has an exception for asexuals. HSSD is the SUDDEN loss of sexual attraction that CAUSES DISTRESS and is used primarily to diagnose men with erectile dysfunction. It is not conversion therapy to be prescribed viagra. Secondly, cisgender straight aces have not alwaysbeen included iin the LGBT community. In AVEN, people were exrperssing disgust at David Jay lumping aces in the community back in the early 2000s. So

No, excluding people is not a form of marginalization. Are women marginalized BY LGBT PEOPLE for excluding them from LGBT resourcse? No. Cisgender, straight aces are not marginalized by LGBT peopel for being excluded. Religious trauma is not an LGBT specific issue. You ahve still yet to list a single LGBT specific resource cisgender, straight people need.

LGBT support is not an LGBT resource. Feminists are allied wth the LGBT community but are not inherently a part of it. Cisgender,straight women still aren't queer just because theyre allied. You have yet to name a SINGLE tangible resource cisgender, straight aces need from Lesbian Gay Bi Trans people that they do not get from the ace community or aro community

No, address it. Do you think cisgender straight women who are not ace deserve LGBT resources if they are raped for not being sexually attracted to their rapist?

I'm literally trans. Comparing the exclusion of CISGENDER straight peple to that of trans poeple is transphobic.

Hello anon,

I have already addressed the points you made previously, and I will not waste time addressing you further. I will be turning off anonymous asks, for the time being.

If you would like to perpetuate ace/arophobia, you should have enough courage to do so off anon.

I am only posting this to highlight the ace/arophobia that exists within the lgbtqia+ community.

Sincerely,

A disabled, trans gray-aroace person.

[jeans-marrow]

You know, it took me a long time to accept I'm aro. At first I tried to convince myself I was an ace heteroromantic pal, even though deep down I knew I was just scared of how an aro identity would impact my life.

It took a couple years to accept it, some more time to feel comfortable with it. A little longer to embrace it.

I cried a lot to get to that point. I cried when I read one character I really liked (a mexican boy who died at the end) was aro. I cried the night a friend asked me out. I cried that time I found out the writer of a series I adore was aroace. An actual person, who had created something I connected to, that felt so human and tangible and real.

I've always been louder about my aromantic identity than about being ace. Because it took so much learning and growth, because I hated it and was so afraid of it and now I cannot imagine being any other way. Because with every valentine's and every birthday I remember being a child and knowing the world wouldn't be kind to me for who I was.

Because that child was so terrified of the future it was impossible to even see one.

The world still is not kind to us. I know we've faced so much hostility lately. That it's hard to see a way out of it.

So this is for those who are afraid of who they are or are mad at the world for how we are treated, that feel alone scared and bitter.

I'm feral for you. It doesn't matter in which part of the spectrum you are. I'm so fucking feral for you. Please, never forget that.

We are in this together. We are here and we are loud and we aren't alone. We have each other.

There's still so much to fight for, but you aren't fighting on your own.

Even when it feels that way.

[hokoto]

I know it might just be my experience but it gets really fucking tiring watching other queer people be wannabe fucking mean girls, get a fucking grip you’re not being a fucking activist or whatever you wanna call yourself. You’re being the bully you had in your fucking life but you think it’s different cause you target someone who you think ain’t queer enough or whatever you wanna tell yourself

[creepyjirachi]

btw i deleted the tumblr app from my phone so i'll probably be online a bit less. i'll still check in from my laptop, but i'm hoping to cut down on doomscrolling

[nightmaretour]

I wish people on this site would understand that denying oppressed groups language that they use to describe themselves and their experiences, whether that's by appropriating it and stripping it of its meaning or by straight up denying them the ability to use it, is a tactic that has been commonly used to silence oppressed groups throughout history, and it's not suddenly different and benevolent when you do it.