#but i had to get my Rand post out of the way so i could answer this

[trashlie]

Hi Ashlie it's lil anon again 💗 I hope you have adjusted to your meds and had fun experimenting with gouache... That sounds cool, I wish I could do that but too bad I don't have a single creative bone in my body 😭 it's okay I'll stick to playing viddy games...

There is something I want to bring up for your consideration that's been bouncing around in my head. When Hansuke mentioned that it was hard for him to get into medical school despite his excellent grades, people concluded that Yui must have stood in his way and Hansuke's mother probably made a deal with her, correct? That felt like such a relevant tidbit that will come up again, because otherwise why the effort to draw those panels. So... I think there might be a parallel to Nol here. We know he is going to spend the 4 year time skip abroad, right? But how will he get there, when Yui is so opposed to it and needs to keep him under her thumb? So 🤔 I've been thinking maybe Rand makes a similar deal with Yui so she lets Nol go. Not sure what the details of the deal will be, but it could even be something like "I'll get the kid into any school he wants if you step down from the CEO position within the next 5 years and let Kousuke take over, and don't plot anything against me ever again". It's a big sacrifice, but it feels like Rand had some extremely harsh realizations about how miserable Nol is after finding his scarf in the pool, and then finding him bleeding in the snow and the Ivan the Terrible reference. It feels so much like he has reached his end, "it's not my message to pass along anymore" felt so pointed. I also keep thinking about how guilty Rand must be feeling. He didn't only fail his own son, he failed to protect NESSA'S CHILD ;A; someone so precious and important to her, someone she loved so dearly. Even if it was unspoken it's clear that she counted on Rand to take care of their son when she couldn't anymore, and he failed her miserably. Gawd just thinking about that makes me wanna cry 😔😭💔 So maybe this will be what pushes him to step up and actually do something useful for his child, maybe that deal will be his self-sacrifice. What are your thoughts on this? I know I might be reaching, it might be Yu Jing's article that will help Nol go abroad, and I'm very aware of the death flags surrounding Rand, and maybe he'll just die or Yui kills him and that's that. With Kousuke having all these realizations it's not unlikely that Yui gets rid of Rand so they don't become allies. But I don't want his death to be so... pointless, I guess? BE A FATHER EVEN IF JUST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE DAMMIT ;A;

On a lighter but similarly emotional note, when do you think Shinae and Nol are going to be on a first/real name basis? It might be just me but I feel like it's coming 👀 It's been said a thousand times (and good, let's manifest it 🤞🏾) that they must be on the same page by the end of season 1 for the story to flow smoothly. And that must include the names as well, right? Because the names are a big part of the distance between them and to Shinae, "Yeonggi" isn't enough anymore, she wants "Nol". And, in theory, he must first accept his name before he is comfortable with her saying it, but maybe the other way around would work better. If he lets her into the circle of people who can call him Nol even if he isn't completely ready for it, maybe that will actually be the important first step to accept himself. Because if Shinae accepts that side of him and doesn't think he's horrible, then he can't be that horrible, right. Basically a you don't have to love yourself for other people to love you and with time you can see yourself through their eyes and find that everything you dislike about yourself doesn't make you unlovable because they love you regardless type of thing. Does that make sense? I hope you understand what I'm trying to get at 😅 He also doesn't want to be vulnerable and open up as Yeonggi, it's not part of that persona. But maybe once she is on the Nol side for good, he can be more honest, because she is already there so why not. Not that he'll immediately tell her everything, obviously, but just be more honest dude just tell her that you're scared and not ready for certain conversations yet instead of putting up a front! But either way regardless of when, the moment they say each others first/real names is going to be SOOOOOO meaningful so vulnerable so intimate I will simply die on the spot I will just explode 💥 -lil anon 😼 (who still can't keep their messages short)

Lil Anon!!!!! 💗 Okay, ngl I am a big proponent of "creativity is very much a skill anyone and everyone can learn" just that some of us (and myself included lmao) need a little more effort to learn. But also gouache is so fun because I'm realizing so much of painting is about the insinuation of things, rather than painting out every detail? And it's so amazing to me to watch those things come together!!!! But also.... I am not great at video games so I guess at the end of the day we really do have our strengths and weaknesses huh? alfjakjfjfa LMAO :3

Also heads up, the last part of this response will have FP 238 spoilers!

Oooohhhh this is such an interesting thought that I HAVEN'T thought about, but I HAVE been thinking a lot about Rand (I have this messy post in the works about him because as much as he makes me angry I find him really interesting in that, like every other character, he is very much someone trying to survive and his struggles to do so have had a lot of ramifications - especially in failing to protect his son with Nessa. I understand why people hate him but I just have SO MANY FEELINGS and like how... maybe a selfish part of him kept him near, even if he couldn't be a good father to him because of Yui, because he reminded him of her, and how maybe as Nol grows up he continues to see so much of himself in him, and how in Rand's eyes that probably is bad because he very much ended up trapped, he very much lost what he loved, he has very much lived in isolation. But that's a whole other thing but the point is: Rand is on my mind so this is a very welcome question!!!!)

I'd never considered the possibility of a parallel because I guess I'd just sort of assumed that information was given to us to show us how far Yui is willing to go, that she was interfering with her own nephew's career in order to - probably - lord something over her sister, to force her to do whatever it was she wanted, that we are meant to further understand that Yui is so unstoppable even her own sisters can't do anything, and that this isn't the first time Hansuke's career has been on the line. BUT WITH THAT SAID it would make an incredibly interesting parallel! I think in a lot of ways Rand did think he was doing what was right, what he could do. I think a lot about what he said when Nol pleaded guilty, about how he should have sent him away to a boarding school and that as much as a lot of that was said out of actual anger and agitation, at the end of the day Rand cares so much because he loves Nol, even if he was never allowed to act on it, even if he had to repress it and keep it bottled away where it began to fester. Something I think a lot about parenthood in general but esp in ILY is that no one has the foresight to know how things will work out, so parents are doing what they think is best. Often they are wrong, they make mistakes, but again, we are only capable of trying to learn from our mistakes, we can't see how things would play out. Would Nol have been safer at boarding school? Would he have actually been out of Yui's reach? But that's a whole other post (that is coming)

THAT SAID I think yes Rand carries a lot of guilt and knows that he has not been able to protect either of his sons the way he wishes he could have and now he is at this sort of.... fork in the road. Until now, Nol was so very alone, has been surrounded by people who can't be trusted, people of this society who would sell him out immediately. But Rand has seen in Shinae and Nol this connection that maybe he even recognizes much like the one he and Nessa had, that Shinae is very much like she was in her willingness to reach out to and protect Nol, her willingness to stand up for him against even the scariest opponents. In the same night he nearly lost his son, he saw how many people rallied around him, were willing to stand by his side and wait for him to wake up and I think that, yes, it gave him this sense of understanding. Nol is no longer alone, and while it's not him at his side, he knows that the people who are will fight for him, are people who truly love him the way he deserved all this time. And I think that's yes why he is willing to transition out of Nol's life - because he knows that he hasn't been able to provide him the protection he needs. That he CAN'T.

And the idea of him sacrificing himself for Nol's sake (and frankly, Kousuke's, too) would be interesting, because I very much think Shinae will "sacrifice" herself to Yui in order to protect her father, will take up Yui's offer if it means keeping away from her family. What an interesting parallel it would be, too, for both of these people who have put themselves in harms way to protect those they love (I know Rand doesn't seem it, but I think he is a person who has very much been a victim of him circumstances and that he has reached a point in this story that he is willing to get hurt to protect them, that he is finally openly fighting back the way he can in an effort to protect them).

I honestly.... HATE the theory about Rand dying even though the death flags are everywhere lmao ;_____; I feel like I'm constantly closing my eyes to them because I cannot bear to think of what it would mean for both Nol and Kousuke, for neither of them to get that closure. I hate the thought of Nol being left a literal orphan, of Kousuke never knowing that he was loved, like it KILLS ME but it really feels like we're hurtling there and aflkjkafjkafjkaf [SCREAMS] I'd so much prefer that like... Rand have a heart attack that incapacities him or something ;A; - especially because Nana has her own death flags and again, the thought of Nol just being left with NONE of his family?! GOD THAT KILLS ME.

But also I am very much in favor of Rand making such a sacrifice. Something I've been thinking about is that a lot of why Rand's hands were tied was because he was trying to get this far - and now that he has, now that Nol is in safe hands, maybe it IS time to make a sacrifice, to step out of Nol's life and "set him free", if he could give Yui something she wants enough to let Nol go. The thing is.... Yui is very much aware of the effect Nol has on Kousuke, and why it's necessary to keep him around, but perhaps with what Kousuke is learning, that won't remain a matter? I think there is a LOT that is up in the air right now, but I do think we are at a point where Rand COULD make that kind of offer, where he can finally face Yui and fight back in his own way and do something to set his son free of all of this. I think I lean more sympathetic to Rand than most do but I would love to see him take an action that can actually demonstrate to Nol that Rand has always cared, that until now he didn't have other options, that until now he'd thought that this was the safest route.

(But honestly? What was ;__________;)

I JUST WANT TRAGIC FAMILY CLOSURE SOOOOOOOO BADLY AND IT HURTS ME THAT WE MAY NEVER GET IT LMAO ;A;

BUT ON A LIGHTER NOTE YES YES YES ALL OF THIS YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS ;A; once again and as always YOU GET IT YOU TOTALLY GET IT!!!!!!!!

I think Nol and Shinae's story is VERY MUCH a matter of like.... yeah, you don't have to love yourself to be loved, that's bullshit, we all know it's not true. That maybe you can learn to love yourself by being loved. That maybe through the process of being loved you can start to see yourself through their eyes, the version of yourself that they see and love and that it can make that version of you come to life. That even though Nol sees himself as this unworthy monster, that he has been made to feel like he's nothing, a nobody - she can show him that he's something, somebody, she can say his name with an affection that no one else has ever said it with, that she can breathe new life to something that was taken from him and ruined.

I think we VERY much are approaching that point and Nol learning that Yui has been drugging even Kousuke honestly may be the beginning (or again I might just be being very hopeful). I keep reiterating that Nol needs to know this goes beyond him. I want Shinae to get to sit down and talk to him - not just about their feelings but about Yui, that even before Yui knew about their attachments, that she was already put through hell. Tell him about Kousuke's birthday, something that shows Nol even if he leaves Yui already has her claws in her, was already interested even before it involved him. Tell him about the offer because she will end up taking it one way or another and it's better than he knows how, so he's reminded how much she hates this woman, too.

And maybe if Nol can see that it's more than just him, maybe he can see that there is no point in pushing her away. And if that isn't enough, maybe she can convince him how very much they can't ignore any of this, to prove to him how badly she wants to know him, Nol, to see him and meet those secret parts of him he doesn't want anyone to say. To say the name that has felt like a lashing so many times used by everyone else in a way that takes it from nothing to something and makes him want to hear it move. To say her name again and be so familiar (so SO familiar god PLEASE) ;A;

Like IDK I know we've had this conversation a LOT lmao but it just feels like it's two steps forward five steps back if we don't get that closure if they don't have that talk. No one is asking for or expecting him to share everything - to just open up enough to show that he wants to. To admit his fear. If Shinae saw what Dieter did, that kind of fear, how intense it is, and couldn't connect it to what has happened to her, maybe she could get through to him better but at this point she just doesn't know, doesn't understand why he's pushing her. Maybe now that she's realized her own feelings - and can maybe wonder about his - it might make her think of what he said in the alley about fear and people getting hurt but it's a conversation they need to have directly.

And yes, I feel like even from a metaphorical point, he cannot begin to open up as Yeonggi, as this nameless person. They cannot begin anew with her uncertain what to call him, not allowed to use his real name, while he still calls her Yoo. What's he gonna do, maul her and swallow her heart and still call her Yoo? PLEASE. NO.

I feel like it MUST be coming, that some kind of understanding will be coming, even if they know they are separating for a while, even if they know that whatever is between them isn't something that can happen right now, I feel like they HAVE to separate on a true first name basis, right? ;A;!!!!!!!!!

AND I AM DYING FOR IT. /DYING/ I WANT HIM TO SAY HER NAME SO QUIETLY (AND MAYBE BRUSH HER HAIR BACK FROM HER FACE WHEN HE DOES) I WANT HIM TO TWITCH A LITTLE WHEN SHE SAYS THE NAME THAT HAS CAUSED HIM SO MUCH PAIN AND THEN INSTEAD MELT INTO HER. I WANT IT TO BE SO TENDER, SO INTIMATE, THAT HIS NAME NEVER SOUNDED THAT GOOD ON ANYONE'S ELSE'S TONGUE, THAT IT NEVER SOUNDED SO MEANGINGFUL AS WHEN SHE SAYS IT. The intimacy of being the first person to be allowed to say his name, to speak it with so much affection and care that it can undo what others have done to it, that it can breath back the life that was beaten out of it. ;A; What it would mean for her to say it!!!! That thrill of being allowed to share this very secret part, this very special part, something she is so hungry for!!!!!!

Shinae wanting to know everything about him is honestly SO FUCKING TENDER. Like, yes, that's what happens when we find ourselves liking someone, wanting to know everything, wanting to know about the things we were never present for and what shaped them into the person they are, but for Shinae there's that added layer because he has locked out everyone, pushed everyone away, and she wants to know the secrets he won't share, the parts of him that he hides, she wants to privy to every part of him. She wants him in his entirety, she wants to know him and be just as known and GOD to get to breathe his secret name, the forbidden name, the one he would not allow her?

GOD

I cannot even put it into words i just

[explodes on the spot]

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WHEN IT HAPPENS FOR REAL? WHEN HE CALLS HER SHINAE AGAIN? LAKJFKAJKAFKJAFKAKFJJA i can't do this lil anon i aM SO, SO WEAK AND FULL OF EMOTIONS AND TENDERNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS they make me feel sO TENDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[scoonsalicious]

3.4 Major

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Lily McIntyre, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of Bucky's past, minor fluff.

Word Count: 482

Previously On...: Bucky and Lily went out to brunch, and Bucky lied about his upcoming plans with you.

A/N: I'm going to let you all know well in advance that, once I finish posting through Chapter 5, I am going to take a small break from updating so I can write (I'm thinking maybe a week, tops). I've had some things going on recently that have been taking up a lot of my mental and emotional energy, which has prevented me from being as invested in the story as I want to be, so I need to take some time to get myself in the right headspace to where the story just flows out. I'm currently only two chapters ahead, and that makes me nervous, so I would like to build my buffer back up again. So, there will be a pause in updates starting on Tuesday, May 14th, and updates will resume on Tuesday, May 21st. I do hate doing this, and I know that, as a reader, it's so annoying when you have to wait between updates, but it needs to be done in order to provide you with the best story possible. I probably should have taken more time between finishing Unwanted and beginning to post With Friends Like These..., but I was too eager to share it with all of you to wait, lol. I want to be upfront and honest with all of you ahead of time, so I hope you understand.

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

You’d spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon digging up everything you could about Bucky’s trial. At first, you were getting nowhere, not being able to find any information about ‘Bucky Barnes,’ but then you nearly slapped yourself on the head when you recalled Lily referring to him as ‘Jamie.’ Obviously, ‘Bucky’ was a nickname, and once you searched ‘James Barnes + trial,” you were nearly overwhelmed by the number or results you got.

Meticulously, you went through them, as if you were gathering intelligence for a military op. You read all about his history in World War II with Steve (which, admittedly, you sort of already knew about from Nat), but things took a turn when you discovered he’d been declared MIA: Presumed Dead, only to resurface around 2014.

You nearly started crying when you read what had been done to him– the loss of his arm, the experiments, the serum, all under the control of the terrorist group, Hydra. The brainwashing. And you really did start to cry when you read about what Hydra had made him do for them. The assassinations, the murders. Screw whatever Zadie and Rand thought. This poor man was a victim. One who didn’t deserve to spend a moment behind bars. Your heart positively broke for him. 

You were wiping the tears from your eyes when Zadie popped her head in. “Hey, Major,” she said, a devilish smile on her face. “You got a delivery.”

You look back at her, puzzled. You weren’t expecting anything. Getting up from your chair, you made your way to the front reception area. There, on Zadie’s desk, was a beautiful gold bowl holding a live fuschia orchid plant. 

“There’s a note!” Zadie squealed, bouncing on her toes and wringing her hands together in excited anticipation.

Biting your lip, you reached over and picked up the note. Unfolding it, you tried to make out the messy scrawl:

‘Major,

Thanks for bringing some beauty into my life last night. Figure it’s only fair I return the favor. Looking forward to seeing you tonight for dinner. - Bucky’

“Oh. My. God.” Zadie picked up a piece of paper from her desk and began fanning herself. “I don’t care how many people that guy murdered,” she said. “That’s the most romantic fucking thing I’ve ever seen!” She paused. “How did he even know orchids are your favorite?”

“I don’t know,” you said, gently running your finger along the edges of the soft petals. “I guess I’ll have to ask him tonight.” You looked back at the note, rereading it, and smiling. You felt your stomach fill up with butterflies, as though you were a sixteen year old girl again, getting flowers from a boy for the very first time. God, but this man seemed absolutely perfect. 

But you were never this lucky. You couldn’t help but wonder when the other shoe would drop.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[butterflydm]

wot rewatch (book spoilers edition): 2x4

Not only is this one going to have spoilers for all the aired episodes plus any teasers, it will also have book spoilers through book 14: a memory of light (haha let's pretend I didn't accidentally call it book 13 in my previous rewatch book spoilers posts). I am also going to talk about the trailer for ep5.

I love this change to the seals being what's holding the Forsaken -- and Lanfear's side-step of death at the end of the episode shows us why such a choice was required on LTT's part (I am currently assuming it was LTT who was the driving force behind this because of the memory echo that Rand had at the 'Eye of the World' where he was confronting Ishamael). He had to seal them up because they couldn't be killed conventionally, because the Dark One could just bring them back (Lord of the Grave). This is a great change for a visual medium because it means they can keep the same actors instead of needing to swap them out for a new body. It also adds a great new threat level to the Forsaken right off the bat and it gives viewers another reason to understand why joining the Shadow might be compelling. They don't want the wheel and reincarnation -- they want to live on as the person that they are now.

It's also interesting because it means that the Forsaken are potentially widely dispersed and it may mean that Ishy has to actively seek for where they've been sealed up (maybe asking his Darkfriends to try to find more seals like this) -- which may mean that the Forsaken are loosed more slowly than in the books, as Ishamael discovers where Lews Therin hid them. (or they were all released here and we were only shown Lanfear because she's the most relevant one)

3. The reveal that Lady Anveare is Moiraine's younger sister! This episode gives us a lot of information about Moiraine -- one of the big things that we learn is that she's much older than she was in the books. Which is a change I like; so many of the AS that we meet in the books are still within a 'natural' lifespan and it was kinda weird tbh. I think that she (and Siuan) took longer to make Accepted and Sister in this version (hence the note we get about how Cadsuane is the person to compare Nynaeve's rocketing through the ranks to and not the two of them) and that they were already full Sisters when they heard the prophecy from Gitara. This does track with them wearing blue in that scene from the trailer, which is potentially going to be a flashback to the prophecy (fingers crossed! would love to hear it!).

I am curious about how this may affect all the various familial relations in the show! But they were basically ignored completely in the books anyway, lol.

4. "My family have a cabin up near Kinslayer's Dagger". Wanting to take Rand up to the place that was named after how LTT killed his wife and all of the people that he loved -- I mean, yeah. That's Lanfear for you. So... has Lanfear used Compulsion on Rand at all or is it all pure manipulation? I am torn, tbh. She's manipulating him hard, both in the waking world and in the world of dreams. I'm not sure if she needed Compulsion to push him over the edge -- and I feel like her reaction to him implying that he loves her feels very genuine and I don't know if she would be quite that blown away by him saying that if she's been Compelling him to go along with her part of the way. They also might not want to lean too much on Compulsion for subtle things like this and save it for bigger influences. But we may find out more next episode, so I will be patient. He does abruptly change his mind in her favor a couple of times, so that may speak to a hint of Compulsion. If she is using it, she's picking and choosing her moments. (I don't think Compulsion has been mentioned at all on the show yet?)

5. An interesting thought to me about how Alanna approaches being an Aes Sedai with her family: this is potentially similar to how we're going to be seeing how the Wise Ones are integrated with Aiel society. They keep their families and are a vital part of their community.

6. Timing-wise, they do make it clear that Moiraine bonded Lan after her abrupt personality change -- so Lan is probably the same age that he was in the books, with only Moiraine (and some other Aes Sedai) being older. It's also interesting that Moiraine didn't feel any need to have a Warder before she heard the prophecy.

7. I will note again that Egwene does NOT tell Elayne the name of the person that she lost, which I am going to cross my fingers has pay-off later on in the season, with Elayne meeting Rand without knowing that he's the person that Egwene is talking about here. I really do want them to meet without the context of "this is my friend's ex-boyfriend who faked his own death" hanging over their heads. Right now, Elayne has zero facts or knowledge about Rand as a person -- doesn't know his name, his looks, or that he's a man who can channel (she does not even know that Egwene is talking about a man! Egwene says "someone I love more than anything").

8. We get some more foreshadowing of the coup in this conversation with Liandrin and Leane. "If she falls, you'll fall with her." I really am wondering when exactly Elaida will be introduced. I feel like it would likely be before the coup itself happens.

Liandrin, I suspect, will not be going back to the Tower (or, if she does, it will only be briefly, to collect a handful of other Black Ajah members and then head out to whenever it is that the Black Ajah Hunters plotline will take Elayne and Nynaeve next season -- whether that be Tanchico like in the books or Tear as @markantonys has speculated, also, to briefly go back to the previous scene, I am sorry that you did not get your boy! Hopefully we will hear something about him soon). Liandrin torched her bridges with the Wondergirls in this episode, so even if she does go back to the Tower, as soon as she learns that the Seanchan were pushed out of Falme, she would know that her cover in the Tower is blown and that she needs to leave before anyone can learn about what she did.

9. I think the placement of Perrin learning about wolfbrothers is so much better here than jammed into right after Shadar Logoth, lol. Elyas really just rolled up, infodumped, and then rolled away in the books, lol.

10. We still don't know that LTT was Lanfear's ex, which is fantastic and I love it, lol. Show-onlys guessing that Ishamael is the ex that Lanfear keeps talking about is the most hilarious thing in the world and I'm in love with it. I've seen it at least twice now in the non-reader reactions that I've watched.

Haha, Lanfear's reaction when Rand reminds her that he wasn't a virgin when they slept together. Her face is just priceless. She is stabbing Egwene in her mind right now. (does she know it was Egwene? I mean, Egwene being one of the ta'veren actually gives her a shield against Lanfear killing her that she didn't have in the books, since Fain established that TDO sees all five of the ta'veren as important)

11. The show has been establishing so strongly that Rand dreams of having a home, raising his kids, and doesn't want to be... idk a lone wanderer in the wilderness, and it does make me wonder/hope that they'll adjust his ending epilogue and have him going to his loved ones in the end instead of wandering off on his own and wondering which of the women he loves is going to be the first to abandon her responsibilities to join in him wandering around aimlessly.

(it's probably obvious from my description there that I am in favor of a bit of tweaking of Rand's ending!)

12. Learning that the person telling him to 'take' what he wants was, in fact, one of the Forsaken, might be something that leads into Rand pushing away the idea of being allowed to ever indulge in the things that he wants, which would match a lot of his behavior in the books.

13. So, in the books, Barthanes is a Darkfriend. I'm assuming that's the son that Anvaere is talking about, the one that she is marrying to the nameless queen who might be a Galldrian expy. Is Anvaere a Darkfriend? Lanfear didn't seem to like her in 2x3 but, well, she was A Woman who was talking to Lanfear's Man and that might matter more to her than any Shadow affliations.

...still, I'm going to guess 'no', because I don't think the Shadow would want Moiraine to get literally any information on Rand and Anveare's information is a straight line that leads to Lanfear's throat getting cut. But Anvaere's son being a DF while she is not is also very tragic to think about! While Anveare was trying to restore their house the honorable way, Barthanes may have taken a shortcut. Another possibility would be that Barthanes is not yet a Darkfriend but will become so because of the events of this season.

14. I think "Elayne is following them because she's suspicious of why they're sneaking out of the Tower" is a good way to get around the fact that Elayne doesn't know any of the people that they're going to rescue and she ends up getting caught up in it by accident, little knowing how the course of her life is going to change. It really feels like it needed to be something like this because of us losing Caemlyn from s1.

15. I am so glad that Min has a storyline that isn't about following Rand around like a puppy. She has a painful backstory! She has goals and desires that don't revolve around Rand! She has to experience moral quandaries and goes through trauma that actually focuses on her as a person, instead of her being Rand's post-trauma cuddle toy.

16. Okay, so now that we know that Ishamael specifically wants Mat in Cairhien, I feel like that gives us a bunch of information:

a. It implies to me that Lanfear is still working under Ishamael's direction for the most part and that she's essentially "the agent assigned to Rand's corruption".

b. We know that they want to corrupt as many of the ta'veren as possible (from what Fain said in the s1 finale). Rand is the Big Prize but if any of them turned that's a bird in the hand. So, Ishamael is approaching this in a few different ways.

c. It seems like he wasn't certain exactly what was going on with Perrin until 2x3 but as soon as he has realized more about the wolf connection, he worked to try to get Perrin to view it as something evil and dark.

d. Lanfear got put in charge (volunteered, I'm sure) to do Rand. In every possible way.

e. Liandrin got basically "everyone in the Tower" but chose to focus her efforts on Nynaeve and Mat. It sounds like that may be because they were the two that stood out to her more -- she had the (hilarious) impression that Egwene was the one who would 'know her place' when the time came. So she worked on Nynaeve by trying to mentor her openly (while doing some more subtle manipulation). And she worked on Mat by destroying him psychologically.

f. Once the Seanchan are settled in the far west (maybe once Suroth's soldiers are close enough to a Waygate), Ishamael lets Liandrin know that time is up to corrupt Nynaeve and we're moving to Plan B. We've gonna do this the 'easy' way by throwing her at Suroth and let the sul'dam break Nynaeve and Egwene to be obedient.

g. But BEFORE that happened, Liandrin released Mat (with Min tugging him along) out into the world, and we find out this week that Ishamael wants Mat to be brought to Cairhien. Why?

h. Theory: Mat is the back-up plan if Lanfear fails with Rand (which she did). One of the theories that I posted about Mat's viewing from Min (Theory #4) is that he is Compelled to stab Rand. We know from 2x3 that Liandrin could sneak into his cell without waking him. Easy enough for Ishy to do the same with some Traveling. Maybe Mat is already under Compulsion by one of them, with a trigger-event waiting to happen.

Which would be completely devastating for Mat (and Rand) and also (along with Liandrin's torment of Mat in general) lead to a very compelling (ha!) reason for him to seek out a way to prevent channelers from using weaves on him. It would essentially give him the same kind of emotional reaction that we saw from the flicker-flicker scenes in the book (where he was talking about how he's not going to betray Rand) without us actually needing the Portal Stones. Mat will be: a. absolutely traumatized by Aes Sedai in general; b. terrified about weaves being used on him; c. have viscerally been forced to betray Rand against his will.

There is also... hmm, to this point. The first shot of Ishamael in the trailer for ep5 might be a match for the 'Mat is tempted by the dagger' scene that we've seen in some of the other trailers. And Ishamael and Mat getting a scene together would complete the circle of him having an intimate little talks with all the ta'veren boys. Not certain if it's the same place, but it feels like the lighting is the same. Not the later shot of him walking with Suroth but the earlier one of him in a room that looks like it's got some fireplaces going on. I will brace myself for potentially not getting Mat next episode though.

(again, if this doesn't happen in the show, I might be forced to write it. We will see!)

Plus!

i. It could provide a real-time example of Min accidentally creating a viewing while trying to prevent it! She doesn't want to hurt Mat but she also would not want him to stab Rand. But since she is the one who would likely be bringing Mat into Rand's orbit (as she has no idea that Rand is in Cairhien, I don't think), it would show the viewers that Min's viewings are inevitable instead of it just being her telling us that.

I've seen speculation that Min is going to do a U-turn and take Mat anywhere else but Cairhien (presumably accidentally going to Falme) after learning that one of the Forsaken wants Mat there but... but I really really want Rand and Mat to get a reunion lol. Rand was THE most affected by Mat staying behind last season and it would be good to build them up again in anticipation of them spending s3 together, so I'd love if they got a reunion BEFORE Falme. Like, I was so excited to hear Min is meant to take him to Cairhien!

17. I do feel like something changes for Lanfear when Rand implies that he loves her. She stops for a moment and reacts to that, and the vibe of the scene shifts afterwards too. Great meta on the subject here: https://moghedien.tumblr.com/post/727929706072227841/1-it-immediately-sets-up-the-threat-of-going-up and I pretty much agree completely. This is where her true obsession with RAND as LTT was born. She just got everything that she wanted and then it was stolen from her.

Episode 5 next week! So excited!

Looking forward to seeing Lanfear unleashed in the next episode! The saa in her eyes was just... yes. Such a good decision for them to treat TDO's resurrection of his Chosen this way, I think, so that we can keep these spectacular actors. We're gonna get info from Moiraine about the Forsaken next episode, it sounds like, which is exciting.

We also are going to get AVIENDHA! So excited about this. She looks amazing in the trailer. She sounds amazing. She is amazing.

This is also when we're going to get some more insight into the Seanchan as a whole (Loial is with Ishamael and Suroth in the trailer), I suspect.

The other probable important event about next episode is, uh, gonna be more trauma for one of our characters, though. Lots more trauma. So far, most (definitely not all!) of Egwene's trauma has been "horrible things keep happening to the people I care about" (Nynaeve's assumed death; Perrin being tortured in front of her; Rand's assumed death; Nynaeve's assumed death again this season) but now her trauma will include "a horrible thing is happening to me". It might be the 'cliffhanger' of the episode; Egwene getting taken as damane. Since it looks like we're spending some time in the Ways with Liandrin & the Wondergirls first. Or it might happen earlier. I will brace myself!

[plantwriting]

I love looking too deeply into things that were clearly meant to be jokes and not serious in any shape or form. Today on the list: Kian’s relationship with Donna. Under the cut to avoid filling people’s feeds

Now I think most people will agree that Kian’s relationship with his own parents probably wasn’t great. I mean I’m just saying if my parents didn’t give me a last name I probably would just assume they didn’t want me or something. It’s one thing to support your child if they want to change their name but it’s a whole different thing to not even give them the choice to keep the name you gave them.

Now this plays pretty interestingly with Donna considering the fact that she’s without a doubt the best parent we see in the campaign. And we don’t know exactly how old Kian was when he and the others became friends, my personal headcanon is like 12-13, but if you have a child and they make a new friend who’s parents are probably known to be in a cult and also hippies and also didn’t bother naming their child? I’d grab that child so fucking fast and try to treat them as my own. Show them some love and support they wouldn’t get from their own parents.

And so like I find it extremely reasonable to assume that when they were younger Donna probably would have been very caring towards Kian (and obviously Rolan as well but this post isn’t about him). And I find it pretty reasonable to assume that if Kian’s parents were neglectful he would probably have just clung onto that care from an adult because he just needed some fucking paternal support.

But the thing is. I find it very easy to headcanon Kian with some major abandoment issues that honestly even rival Rand’s. Because I mean Rolan left them, Becky left him and he waited for her for fifteen fucking years, we can assume Rand wasn’t exactly emotionally available because he had his own issues (can’t really blame him for that but still), his parents were probably shit, and judging by the fact that Kian is very clearly a huge romantic who literally waited for his high school girlfriend for fifteen years, and yet in his introduction it’s made extremely clear that he doesn’t seem to do like serious relationships anymore? My guess would be that he had a lot failed relationships in his like early twenties and when none of them worked out he eventually just gave up and settled for one night stands.

Now this works alongside something else that is of course very notable about Kian: his looks. Like we don’t know their stats exactly I don’t think but he is canonically extremely attractive and probably has his highest characteristic in appearance. Because he’s a grizzly character. Of course he does (/lh).

But I find it very reasonable to assume that if someone had pretty bad abandonment issues and was extremely attractive and aware of that, it would become very easy for them to assume that people could only want them or care about them for their looks. And if we assume that, we can probably also assume that they would heavily lean into that and use their looks to get even some kind of affection and care from others even if it’s extremely surface level.

And bringing this back to Donna: if we assume that all my reachings in this post are correct (they are not, i am looking too deep into things because it is my favorite hobby) then it really just puts Kian’s relationship with Donna into an entirely new and way sadder light. Because suddenly it’s not just an extremely flirty person flirting with his friend’s mom for fun, but instead someone who’s been lacking any kind of paternal affection for his entire life trying to make himself sexually appealing to the one person he might have received it from because at least that way she’d care for him on some level.

And the thing is I don’t know if Kian would even be like… aware that’s what he’s doing. Or if he’d really just removed any possibility for platonic or familial love from his own life that he couldn’t even recognise that that’s what he really wants.

And maybe it’s even worse that it works. That Donna is attracted to him. That he can get that affection and love from her, someone who probably knew him as a kid, who might have practically raised him, and wouldn’t that just make him even more sure that he’s right? That the only way anyone could ever truly love and care for him is if he makes himself sexually appealing to them?

(Sorry for long post. I am. Thinking about him every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every-)

[markantonys]

hi there! i'm wondering, what is your take on perrin and dain bornhald? i know those two have like five-ish minutes of screentime all season with about 30 seconds of that in the finale, but i can't get them out of my head. they have such an interesting dynamic and now that it's more complex than in the books (perrin did actually kill dain's father and dain sees it) i'm fascinated to see them reunite.

(also i know you probably don't take requests but it would be fun to see a gifset of them too. for...reasons.)

my take is that it is TASTY!!!! it is DELICIOUS!!! when dain's casting was announced i was like "i bet simple-minded cretins will ship him with perrin now that they are BOTH hot boys in the show, but you won't catch ME shipping anybody with whitecloaks, let ALONE poor perrin!" and now joke's on me, i'm a simple-minded cretin and i am shipping them HARD! but mostly in an "i love mess" type of way rather than an "i legitimately think they should and want them to get together" type of way. although i would not be opposed to a post-last-battle scenario of dain saying "fuck the whitecloaks" and leaving to become perrin's househusband in the two rivers! okay, faile probably wouldn't be into polyamory, but there WAS also that time in TSR when she was like "perrin why don't you go into rand's bedroom alone in the middle of the night and i'll see you in the morning and you can tell me all about it ;)" so maybe she would be down as long as the other person isn't berelain jfkgh

anyway! there were Vibes in their like 4 scenes. mostly on dain's end, just going around calling perrin by a cute nickname okay sir you want to fuck him we get it. dain is gay and homophobic and has a giant crush on perrin that he doesn't know how to deal with, and perrin is oblivious that any of this is happening. and then they had a brief Battle Couple moment in ep8 and i was like

(genuinely i'm pretty sure i did clap my hand to my forehead because i could FEEL myself succumbing fully to the ship in that moment haha it was a powerful moment!)

and THEN!!!! perrin violently (and SO justifiably, not that dain knows or would believe it) murders dain's dad right in front of him!! and dain fucking loses it!! has to be dragged away while screaming for perrin's blood!! TASTY!! DELICIOUS!!!! move over rand/gawyn, we've got a new "you killed my parent and i will not rest until i run you through with my sword in every sense of the phrase because i also want to fuck you so bad it makes me look stupid" ship in town. and i can't WAIT to see what goes down between them in season 3!

and finally, you're in luck because i already was leaning towards making a gifset of them haha it was floating kinda far down on the to-gif list 2x08 gave me but now that you've gotten me thinking about their dynamic again it's bumped up towards the top, so i might possibly do it tomorrow!

[torashisama]

WoT about: "The writers keep giving time to plots that aren't bad, but do nothing to actually serve the story".

Disclaimer : As always, it's long.

Alll of these comments are from a discussion I had with a book reader in the comments of a post on S3E01 being written by S1E06 and S2E07 writer: Justine Juel Gillmer. Basically, the original poster was celebrating more Siuan (however it might be) and/or a possible Siuanraine reunion in S3.

Book Reader 1:

In a story about the potential end of all things, I can't honestly say that I care about Suianraine. Side romance plots are fine, but they're not what WoT is really about. I hope they give a little ship time to those who are craving it, but they really need to work on the Nerf Reborn. He's way weaker in the show than he is in the books. We need a Rocky montage to put the Dragon back on track.

Book reader 2 :

One of my biggest issues with this show. The writers keep giving time to plots that aren't *bad*, but do nothing to actually serve the story.

Moiraines family scenes? Well written and acted, but that's 30-40 minutes that we could have had in Falme, or building up the Horn, or generally building the legend of the dragon.

Book reader 1 :

Yep. The show wastes precious time on things which aren't central to the plot.

Torashi :

That mostly has to do with the fact that the show is not about Rand but about Moiraine and specifically about Moiraine's Quest which is something that most book readers seems to have overlooked and that's the most important and fundamental change from the books yet it's overlooked when it comes to understanding how and why everything plays out the way it does.

If we had to choose a character and declare them the main one for the show, it would be Moiraine. That's the main difference that explains most of the complaints bookcloaks and book readers may have with the show.

The books are about Rand. Here, it's about "Moiraine's Quest", and it gives the show more room to explore the characters deemed as side characters and one of the most interesting group of people in this universe in my opinion: Aes Sedai's and their warders.

Both are telling the same story but not from the same POV, and that changes a bunch of things and it includes what gets showed or not.

Book reader 1 :

I certainly didn't overlook that the show is focused on Mo. That is the biggest problem, as you say (pre post edit: I did not say that the the Mo focus was a problem, never had actually) . Book Mo isn't anywhere near a main character after TEOTW, so it's a very questionable decision to promote her to a main, outside of real world "politics". Pike is the most recognized actress **and** she's a producer.

While I get that non-readers don't mind it, I and millions of other readers waited 39 years for the books to be turned into a show.

We weren't waiting on Siuan and Moiraine.

Torashi:

I'm not saying that you're overlooking this but that those who did read the books tends to do so and fail to realise( pre post edit: or recognise really) that the things they're complaining about usually makes sense as Rand is not the main character anymore.

The pov's are mostly Moiraine's, and while it's different from the books, it doesn't mean that it's not good. The story is just told differently, and a lot of you guys fail to realise that while it's not what you hoped for, you at least get to experience the same story told another way and in the same world you grew up loving but on screen.

I understand that it's disappointing as it's probably not what you guys imagined and expected the show would be if you ever got to see it, but Rand, as the main character, probably wouldn't have worked as needed exactly because it's been so long since the books.

The classic hero trope is not as appealing as it used to be for TV, and switching the focus and putting it onto the Gandalfs of the WoT world probably was better so it ended up as the Moiraine's Quest show and not as the Randland show. It's also probably because it's usually better if most actors in a fantasy show are unknown so that their reputation and previous roles do not taint the ones they'll have in the show.

( pre post edit : in case some people don't get why I'm comparing them, it's to emphasise that all of these fantasy shows have 1 or 2 of their main cast and characters as the biggest stars so that they don't have to rely only on the existing fandom but can also count on their main celebrity to bring a wider audience (advertising aside) which allows for the rest of the cast to be lesser known or straight-up debuting and/or unknown actors)

For ex, Matt Smith and Paddy Considine probably are the most recognisable actors of HOTD (HBO) and they're brothers in the show and have a close relationship ( in case you didn't see it, Matt is Daemon and Paddy is King Viserys)

WoT (Prime) has Rosamund Pike and Sophie Okonedo as their biggest star, and they have a close relationship.

(Fun fact : Sophie wasn't even supposed to be in the show and probably wouldn't have accepted if she was offered the part but Rosamund specifically wanted her to play her love interest and Sophie had to be written to personally by Ros so that she would accept the role ( anyone who knows or follows Sophie's work knows that her playing Siuan was as probable as a WoT + GoT crossover episode) )

The Witcher( Netflix) they really just needed Henry Cavill as he actually is a mainstream celebrity and was at the prime of his career when he took the role.

Good Omens (Prime) : David Tennant and Micheal Sheen, they lead and are close. ( they really could have been fine with David here. Actually, he probably has one of the most dedicated fan base I've seen because of his performance as the doctor ) ( they also have benedict cumberbatch but I'm sticking to mains biggest star + they're closest relationships )

Carnival Row (Prime and original so a lil different): Cara delevigne and Orlando Bloom, biggest stars + close relationship.

Good Omens is focused on the gandalfs ( Crowley & Aziraphale) again btw and it's one of amazon most successful adaptations.

The Witcher is also focused on the Gandalfs of their world: Geralt & Yennefer (by extension)

WoT switched it to be the same : Moiraine & Siuan (by extension).

What i'm saying is that basically most of the complaints are related to missing things from the books, the cast diversity, things people wish they could have seen or wishing Josha's (pre post edit :Rand) or Daniel's (pre post edit : Lan) characters where depicted as in the books or it's blaming the show (pre post edit: or really mainly and mostly Rafe and sometimes the rest of the writers) for spending time on things that actually makes sense when you recenter yourself in what the show is actually doing which is telling the story from Moiraine's POVs.

Siuan is important so she gets time, Lan is important so he gets time (pre post edit : mainly referencing the Aes sedai + Warder focused episodes of S1, from Ep4/5 to Ep6).

Liandrin is a problem and has a grudge against Mo that leads her to be a threat not only because she's a red and black ajah but also because of an ulterior reason so she gets time and is developed, Moiraine is pushing everyone away even the only 2 people she could allow herself to be close to during her mission because of her depression and allow herself no other choice but to go to Cairhien alone which happens to be her hometown so we get a family reunion and see how much her quest for Rand impacted her and her family too and how unusual it is even for an Aes sedai( Alanna's scenes with her family).

The main problem isn't that the story is being told through Moiraine's POV but that they only get 8 episodes of approximately 1 hour each to tell a story that required 14 books to finish, they clearly need more or longer episodes per season to include more of what they initially intended to put in each season. ( pre post edit : in case you didn't know Lan was supposed to start training the boys from s1. you can check here )

For reference, GOT had 10 episodes for each season until S7 for 8 season out of 10 initially planned, each episode falling anywhere between 1h and 1h22 max, and it's only 5 books out on 7 planned.

There, we have 8 episodes falling anywhere between 54 minutes to 1h10 min max each, planned to have 8 seasons for 14 books.

(Pre post edit : so far, and yes i went to check the longest ep so far was 1h10 min and it's s2 finale in case you were wondering)

Original poster reaction :

OMG!!! I wish I could give you gold for this comment. I am getting tired of when I post something about the show, instead of people focusing on the show, they wanna bring the "but but but the books did this and that and it is nowhere to be found on the show", like I don't care, let's focus on what's happening in the show and can we only talk about that? You should make another main post pointing this out and that for the sake of productive conversations, this sub should stop complaining about what isn't on the show from the books and more on what we actually get, if it works or not let's stick to that!

Torashi :

I understand, but I totally get their reaction, too. It's been so long for them that it's probably hard to accept anything else than what they expected or wished they had.

(pre post edit :

While i do understand the frustration, i do not understand why you think it makes it fine to ruin (or tarnish) the experience of genuine show only fans by complaining and shitting on the show for missing things or not doing it the way you wanted it to be instead of going:

"That's cool i wish they had room for this or that, in the books there's this or that and whatever, you should check the books."

"The story is so much more richer even though the focus is not on the guide in the books. It could be interesting for you to see it from another PoV too"

You'd actually make show-only fans want to read the books. You guys have been tainted by so much display of lack of respect and gratitude towards those making and/or enjoying the show that I think that you're actually deterring show only fans from the books by dividing the fandom as much as S8 divided GOT fans and by making people afraid to read them before the show ends because of how ugly your reactions are and have been. (You guys are literally associated to Whitecloacks).)

Torashi:

What's infuriating me, though, is that most of the books things they wish they saw when that's what they're complaining about are things that had to be cut because they were details and did not impact the rest of the story as much and instead of complaining about the show having an insane amount of episodes, episode's length and planned seasons for 14 books each individually as big as an encyclopedia they blame Rafe who actually loved the books and is a fan too, that's literally why the books got approved to be on screen. Rafe he's a book fan that got lucky the same way Brandon Sanderson was a book fan that got lucky back then. He probably wish he could put more things in there too.

Instead of complaining about the real problem, they should be battling against, its straight up hate (from bookcloaks) and endless complaints about things that does not matter as its really just "yes but in the books" for choices that does makes sense when they stop being Rand centric while watching a show that isn't about the hero's journey but about the Quest itself.

(Pre post edit thoughts:

Robert made a mistake by calling his books: The Wheel of Time ,to then make most of the pov's and most of the story revolve around a single character. He should have called it "The dragon Reborn" or something along those lines, because most of book readers' new complaints I've seen so far, really are just about it not being ridiculously focused on Rand's story or like the books when they know that this is not a "Randland" show but specifically one that corrects this major flaw from the books by using the only character close enough, interesting enough and refreshing enough to tell this story trought a different lense that allows more freedom to explore other "z-list"/ side characters who actually plays a role in all of this, it's actually painfull to see so many book readers fail to realise that Moiraine really is just the best character to tell this story as she actually knows what's going on behind the scene whereas Rand is just clueless.)

E.g: Rand apparently being powerless (or rather not as powerful as they wished he would be already).

Even though he was alone and in hiding for the last 6 months and only ever channelled because he lacked control and only got to Logain once, because he stayed close but still ignored him for as long as he could. Until he left with Selene to then be found by Mo, he still kills Ishy, Turak and his guards, takes the shield off Egwene (pre post edit: who's struggling btw) and looks like he doesn't even break a sweat.

Yet, all some book readers allow themselves to see is him being "powerless" because he didn't get a flashy 1vs1 against the bad guy even though it wouldn't makes sense with his current development (that was impacted by what ? Cuts because of time/budget constraints ) and Egwene literally is the strongest and most experienced of them all right now because of the Sanchean (pre post edit : the bright side of being a damane lol ) and is one of the most developed character of s2 from EF5 because of what needs to happen with Siuan at some point in S3 and where her (really theirs) story might be going.

(more on this topic here)

This ends here, feel free to share your opinion on this.

[highladyluck]

Season 2, Episode 8 Post-blog:

So I did not liveblog this episode since I had friends over to do a watch party, but here's everything I remembered that I wanted to talk about!

As far as I can tell, the two Seanchan sul'dam that got collared are not going to be found with the collar on them. (Not sure if Renna is dead or if Egwene chose to uncollar her, but either way she's not chained up in a basement with the collar on waiting to be discovered by her peers.) I was thinking at first that this had major implications for the rest of the Seanchan storyline. But really, it only has implications for Suroth, since in the books Suroth (and Alwhin, who is already her Voice in the show) sit on the information until Egeanin discovers it separately. Egeanin can still be the first Seanchan to know and do anything about it. I do think this lack of a dangling thread, Suroth's ship being blown up, and the way it's hard to get actors to come back seasons later make it more likely we've seen the last of Suroth. I would be happy to eat my words, though! Also, Egwene, Nyneave, and Elayne all know you can collar a sul'dam, and possibly Mat, Rand, and Perrin will soon as well if anyone remembers to communicate this information, so any one of them could spill the beans.

Major props to whoever hypothesized that Uno would be a Hero of the Horn; not sure if he's implied to be Gaidal Cain or not (possibly not? there was a blink-and-I-missed it moment of PDA between Birgitte and somebody but I am not sure if it was Uno or not).

I did not anticipate Mat making an ashandarai out of household objects and the dagger and I am EXTREMELY PROUD of him. Also proud of him for escaping traps! My boy is really coming into his own! I also really appreciate the classic blunder of doing the same thing to Mat again but worse- the Dark does not understand that my boy thrives when you do that. He solves his problems by escalating them in intensity or magnitude. You can only put him in a room with drugs once, if you put him in a room with drugs again he will use them in an unconventional manner to escape and also destroy his enemies.

Also props to whoever guessed that the Horn would trigger memories for Mat- I'm intrigued by where they are going with this. I hope it's not precluding the Aelfinn and Eelfinn, but given all the hanging foreshadowing, the makeshift ashandarai, and Lanfear yeeting Moiraine out of the waygate doorway, I don't really think they'd cut the Eelfinn. It's the Aelfinn that seem slightly less like a sure thing, and I'm going to be a little on edge until Mat gets the DotNM prophecy somehow. I don't think they'd cut the problematic fave; it's a juicy part, idk what Mat would even do if he weren't babysitting the Seanchan in the later plot, and they've been doing great with the 'you're wrong but I see where you're coming from' characters. But they've either cut or significantly changed the Moiraine/Thom relationship in the show, and the two relationships are kind of linked in my head for thematic reasons. I'm probably overthinking it though.

HOPPER T_T

Dain looked like a boy band member who fell off the stage and got trampled in the mosh pit.

Loved that Egwene got to face off against Ishamael! Loved Egwene all the time forever actually. I was also entertained that Egwene had like one semester of Magic College and used it to school the Seanchan on linking mechanics. She's right that the sul'dam don't know how to link properly and are weak little babies when it comes to channeling, and she should say it.

Nyneave and Elayne were great, as usual- very impressed with Elayne, who is finally living all her Battle Queen fantasies and is being very brave about how much they suck, actually. Nyneave is in for some self-loathing next season though, I'm afraid. I love that Rand and Elayne still get to have a meet-cute when she's treating his wounds. :P

I was very happy for Tumblr User Moghedien that we got to see Forsaken Moghedien. She's offputting and very gay, just like I imagined!

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Dragon Reborn! Chapter 5: Nightmares Walking

Or uh, riding, since that's what my picture has. Alas. Anyway you know the drill by now I'm sure, spoilers for anything and everything under the sun in this post, especially The Wheel of Time since that's what I'm rereading.

This chapter has the Trolloc triptych because we're getting a Shadowspawn attack.

He opened his mouth to shout warning, and suddenly the door of Moiraine’s hut burst open and Lan dashed out, sword in hand and shouting, “Trollocs! Wake, for your lives! Trollocs!”

Perrin, with the magical help of an entire pack of wolves, is only ALMOST as fast to respond to a crisis as Lan. That man's real fucking badass, y'know? (But also: Perrin is fighting his powers every step of the way and Lan's got two decades of experience with his own supernatural aid. It's only a matter of time before Perrin makes Lan look like the chump.)

The Tuatha’an woman pressed her back against the log wall, a hand to her throat. The light from the burning trees showed him the pain and horror, the loathing on her face as she watched the carnage.

I was just reading some stuff iliiuan had to say on the Tuatha'an before I got into this chapter so let me just note: Leya's priorities are all out of whack here if Perrin's reliably relating her emotions. She's not keeping herself safe, she's just being judgy about violence happening in her vicinity. And it kills her.

All that mattered was that he had to reach Leya, had to get her to safety, and the Trolloc was in the way.

Perrin's desperation to do the right thing even though of course he could easily write Leya off as an inevitability (and an inconvenience until the inevitable happens to boot) is why he's a hero, you know? I'll be giving this boy the most shit out of anyone but he tries to save someone's life even though he knows he can't and that's something.

The stink of it filled his nostrils, goat-stench and sour man-sweat.

It's good to know that Trollocs produce all the scents available to them instead of just limiting themselves to one or the other. And by good I obviously mean gross, but since I read it you have to too!

She was still there, huddled in front of the hut, not more than ten paces upslope. And watching him with such a look on her face that he could barely meet her eyes.

Leya's zealotry may be a formative trauma for Perrin I think.

Suddenly Leya moved, throwing herself forward, attempting to wrap her arms around the Myrddraal’s legs.

Well that's great and all Leya but isn't restraining someone so they can't move a very light form of violence? Like good... well good may be strong, but some kind of positive adjective... effort trying to protect Perrin and all but if you tripped the Fade isn't that causing it physical harm? Where is the line for the Tuatha'an? Did she in the last moment of her life betray her own beliefs for nothing? Concerning if so.

“Fade,” Perrin said roughly, but then a different name came to him, from the wolves. Trollocs, the Twisted Ones, made during the War of the Shadow from melding men and animals, were bad enough, but the Myrddraal—. “Neverborn!” Young Bull spat.

Half the reason we don't get Rand POVs much in this book is that Perrin's stealing his TGH schtick of losing himself in his newfound powers. I think this is something of a leftover from the proto-Tam character who was going to be Jesus AND the luckiest SOB ever AND a werewolf AND probably a really good shot I guess or whatever that fourth kid was supposed to contribute. Being easily replaceable, maybe?

The urge to rush down the slope and join his brothers, join in killing the Twisted Ones, in hunting the remaining Neverborn, was strong, but a buried fragment that was still man remembered. Leya.

Perrin will of course spend this book (and the next... ten?) afraid that he might turn into a werewolf forever because of an encounter, but we see right here that this isn't a risk for him because he's always got stuff to pull him back. Leya's barely in the list of ten most recent people he talked to but he won't abandon his humanity for her sake - how much less likely is he to abandon it once he's got Faile?

He no longer thought of the greater battle. There was only the Trolloc he and the wolves—the brothers—cut off from the rest and brought down. Then there would be another, and another, and another, until none were left. None here, none anywhere.

Obviously this is a terrible viewpoint to adapt if you're trying to be the strategy guy, but since Perrin isn't that anyway and the battle isn't reliant on such things, it actually works for him here. He's also more aware of himself than he was with the Whitecloaks, showing he's developed a little with his powers even if he's afraid of them.

Young Bull threw back his head and howled with her, mourned with her. When he lowered his head, Min was staring at him. “Are you all right, Perrin?” she asked hesitantly.

Note that while Min's obviously freaked out by Perrin embracing his inner furry, she's not exactly treating him like a freak show either. Like I said, she'd probably be very supportive if she knew the details.

Frantically he walled himself off from contact with the wolves. Images seeped through, emotions, as he tried to stop them. Finally, though, he could no longer feel them, feel their pain, or their anger, or the desire to hunt the Twisted Ones, or to run. . . .

Again we can kind of see how the proto-Tam's various aspects would have tied into a central character arc, with rejecting the naturalistic wolf expression being just one more way he would have been hardening himself and just one more thing he'd need to embrace to be the full hero at the end.

The Shienarans still standing—so few—lifted their blades and joined him. “Tai’shar Manetheren! Tai’shar Andor!”

Hell, even the Shienarans aren't that judgmental since they are already following Rand around.

But when he was with the wolves, it was all so different. He did not have to worry about strangers being afraid of him just because he was big, then. There was no one thinking he was slow-witted just because he tried to be careful. Wolves knew each other even if they had never met before, and with them he was just another wolf.

Is it wrong that occasionally I think Perrin might be a little bit on the spectrum?

“A sign to confirm our faith. Even wolves came to fight for the Dragon Reborn. In the Last Battle, the Lord Dragon will summon even the beasts of the forest to fight at our sides. It is a sign for us to go forth. Only Darkfriends will fail to join us.”

Masema is of course foreshadowing his delightful nonsense, showcasing how he was still corrupted by Fain, and letting Jordan make it subtly clear that the real Last Battle will be more complicated. It's not just Darkfriends who won't be on the side of the Light, even at the very end.

Do you know what I did during the fight?” Still staring into the distance, Rand addressed the night. “Nothing! Nothing useful. At first, when I reached out for the True Source, I couldn’t touch it, couldn’t grasp it. It kept sliding away. Then, when I finally had hold of it, I was going to burn them all, burn all the Trollocs and Fades. And all I could do was set fire to some trees.”

Rand's an incredible channeler, but even he needs a teacher.

“We . . . dealt with them, Rand,” Perrin said. He shivered, thinking of all the wounded men down below. And the dead. Better that than the mountain down on top of us. “We didn’t need you.”

And likewise, in the final conflict, no one will be needing Rand to deal with the individual Shadowspawn and even if he could deal with them to keep the people alive it would be a waste of everyone's time.

There had been a man, Elyas Machera, who also could talk to wolves. Elyas ran with the wolves all the time, yet seemed able to remember he was a man. But he had never told Perrin how he did it, and Perrin had not seen him in a long time.

Sorry Perrin, but he doesn't really pull it off anywhere near well enough for your standards.

He gasped and almost dropped his axe. He could feel the skin on his back crawling, muscles writhing as they knit back together. His shoulder quivered uncontrollably, and everything blurred. Cold seared him to the bone, then deeper still. He had the impression of moving, falling, flying; he could not tell which, but he felt as if he were rushing—somewhere, somehow—at great speed, forever.

Another reminder that the best modern Aes Sedai have for healing at this point is emergency care, which works but definitely isn't the good stuff. Moiraine even tells him to eat afterward.

“Most of the wolves who were hurt made their own way to the forest,” Moiraine said, knuckling her back and stretching, “but I Healed those I could find.” Perrin gave her a sharp look, yet she seemed to be just making conversation. “Perhaps they came for their own reasons, yet we would likely all be dead without them.”

Moiraine is nice enough to try and thank Perrin subtly, but of course he's much too suspicious for any of that.

“If you could get me to Shayol Ghul now,” Rand said drowsily, “by Waygate or Portal Stone, there could be an end to it. No more dying. No more dreams. No more.”

It would obviously have a terrible ending, but a fanfic of Moiraine somehow taking sleep-deprived Rand to Shayol Ghul and just kind of hoping for the best would be hysterical. This Rand might not be as traumatized as he's going to be, but I still think assuming he'd last five minutes before agreeing to let the Dark One unmake reality is overly generous.

“That’s right,” Rand said bitterly. “I’m not to be trusted. Lews Therin Kinslayer killed everyone close to him. Maybe I’ll do the same before I am done.” “Pull yourself together, sheepherder,” Lan said harshly. “The whole world rides on your shoulders. Remember you’re a man, and do what needs to be done.”

If Perrin or Mat had tried sassing Lan like this they would have learned what their pancreas looked like once chopped in half before finishing the second sentence, so while Lan's toxic masculinity is of course only adding to the Dragonmount of psychological issues Rand's going to need to deal with, let's also reflect that it's still him going easy on his favorite boy.

Next time: Ingtar leads the crew out of Fal Dara, Rand finds out Moiraine fucked with his belongings again, and Lanf--

Wait no. Sorry. That was LAST book's chapter "The Hunt Begins". Next time we read THIS book's version, which probably has a lot less Ingtar due to his having a prior commitment. Also much less Rand on account of his running away.

[loveisonaroll]

Major Confusion, Part 1

A/N: this story originally started in my head with a Zillow posting for a beautiful home in downtown San Antonio…I'm not sure how I feel about this one yet, so let me know what you think.

Summary: A misunderstanding at a party you and Jake host to celebrate the end of tour ends in some heartbreak.

Warning(s): angst, some self-image comments, self-hatred, slight toxic behaviors, panic attack.

Word Count:1780 

---

You were anxious and excited all at once as you pulled the last curler from your hair. Today, you would celebrate the end of Greta Van Fleet’s Dreams of Gold tour at the home you and Jake finally had made your own. When he first suggested buying a home in the city you had based your career, you vehemently resisted. You had always imagined having to eventually give up your job for a new one in Nashville to be with Jake, and you couldn’t see why he would want to give up his favorable location for yours. As resistant as you had been, Jake was more persistent and ultimately won the war when he found the most perfect home for the two of you. 

The home was a large, tudor style structure with just enough modernism to make its old character functional. You and Jake had spent months finding the right furniture and art to bring out the home’s vintage charm, and you refused to host any sort of gathering until it was as close to perfect as you could get. After seeing the home decorated through Facetime calls and pictures exchanged over text, Jake would get to see the home in all its glory for the first time in person, and there was one room that you hadn’t fully disclosed to him what new additions you had made. 

Since the night before, Jake had been strangely absent from your phone screen. His flight had been delayed the day before, so he and his brothers were set to get in a mere couple hours before the party. He usually bombarded your phone with “can’t wait to see you” messages while he was on his way home to you, but you figured he was just too exhausted and ready to be home this time. You were too busy party-prepping to dwell on it, anyways. You wanted everything to be perfect for Jake, his family and his friends. 

You were just sliding on your last shoe when you heard the front door open and muffled conversation. A smile broke out on your face as you bounded down the stairs to greet your rockstar boyfriend and his brothers. You were excited to see Jake after months on tour, and you wore your newest sun dress that accentuated your boobs just right. You had been saving it for him for weeks. 

“Welcome home, baby!” 

Jake turned towards you and gave you a soft smile, kissing your cheek and wrapping his arms loosely around your frame as you tightly embraced him. “Hey babe. House looks great.”

You furrowed your brows at his bland tone as you pulled away, but the doorbell rand before you could question him further. Jake excused himself to answer the door and you turned to his brothers. They had made their way to gather around the kitchen island, grazing at the snacks you had set out. That was strange, you thought. Jake hadn’t even taken a second look at you, let alone comment on how great you looked in your new dress. You shook the thought out of your head and headed to greet the rest of the band. 

“Hey guys, welcome home! Congratulations on a great tour!” you beamed, bouncing around the kitchen giving them each hugs. The lackluster responses you were given confused you, but you assumed they were all just exhausted from tour and the travel delays. 

As you took the coverings off the rest of the food on the island, Jake and a few of his friends trickled into the kitchen. Everyone seemed to have more of a jovial reaction to seeing each other than they did seeing you, and your heart ached. You started to feel more confused, thinking back to any possible thing you had done to make any of them angry with you. The more you thought, the more you were confused. 

“The house looks great, Y/N. I love all the furniture!” Amanda, one of Jake’s friends’ wife said to you. Amanda was nice, but you could never really get a true reading of her. You had been dating Jake for almost four years, and you have known him for years before that. She had become close friends with Jake’s ex-girlfriend, and when he started dating you a few months after their breakup, she was less than subtle about her disappointment. Still, she was always polite. 

“Thanks,” you said just as the doorbell rang again. “I’ll get it this time, baby.”

When you opened the door, you were left confused. Jake’s ex, Hailey was on the other side with a small smile as she stared at you.  

“Oh, umm hi?” you stammered. You were around when Jake started dating Hailey, and you had always enjoyed her company before. However, you hadn’t seen much of her after their breakup, and when you did, it was at events where neither you nor Jake knew she would be in attendance. 

“Hey, Y/N, how are you?” she said, stepping over the threshold. “The house is beautiful from the outside. Jake said you’ve been working hard on the inside.”

You cocked your head slightly to the side in response to her statement. When had she spoken to Jake? He never mentioned inviting Hailey, and you thought he would have run his invitation by you first. As if he had been summoned, Jake appeared by you, wrapping Hailey in a hug before tugging her towards his group of friends. 

To say you were baffled would be a complete understatement. Jake completely ignored you, embraced her tighter than he had you when he first arrived, and tugged her to socialize with his friends right in front of your very eyes. You were frozen in place, desperately trying to comprehend what was happening. You felt like your relationship had vaporized in a matter of seconds. 

When you finally defrosted, you put on a fake smile and tried to socialize a little as more people shuffled into your home. Jake hardly looked your way throughout the party, and his brothers and friends did little more to include you in any conversation. The less anyone talked to you, the more you started to spiral. Why was everyone ignoring you? What had you done to make everyone so angry at you? Why did everyone hate you?

The further down the rabbit hole you got, the more you watched Jake talk with Hailey. He hadn’t been more than 5 feet from her the entire afternoon, and his mood looked instantly lighter from your perspective with her around. Then you started watching her…the way her hair curled perfectly and shone in the sunlight. How much thinner she was than you. How little makeup she needed to wear to look flawless. How effortless it was for her to gain the attention of everyone in the room. How effortless it was for her to steal the attention of Jake. 

Before you could let the tears fall, you made your way to your boyfriend. Maybe now was a good time to steal him away to show him your surprise. 

“Hey Jake,” you smiled and touched his arm. His smile fell as he turned his attention to you, and you ignored the pang in your heart from the action. “I wanted to show you something. I did something to your office—” 

“My office? Seriously?” Jake pulled his arm out of your grasp with a sigh to run his hand through his hair. “I let you decorate the rest of my house, what more did you possibly need to do?” 

You were taken aback by his crassness and took a step away from him. His friends cleared their throats and turned away awkwardly. 

“What?” You said softly, shocked that he had spoken to you in such a way. Jake had never so much as raised his voice at you in the entirety of the time you had known him. Even when the two of you would get into arguments before your relationship, he had always been the reasonable one. 

“Honestly, I just can’t handle…this right now.” Jake waved his hand towards you dismissively before stalking off to rejoin his brothers and their group of friends. 

You didn’t think you could have been more confused and heartbroken. Not only had Jake dismissed you so aggressively, but he had also referred to the place you had spent so much time making your home as his home. Not belonging to the both of you, but to him. 

You quickly hid your face from your guests and made your way up the stairs. When you stepped foot into your shared bedroom, you stood in the middle not knowing what to do next. This wasn’t your home, you thought. Jake had said so himself, this was his home. Nothing here was yours. You were silly to think this would be your forever home. Why had you given up your apartment? Jake had never told you this would be your home forever. In fact, had he even asked you to move in with him? He had given you the go-ahead to decorate the house. He allowed you to decorate the house for him. This wasn’t for you. This wasn’t your home. You would never be home here. 

Your head swarmed with doubts, self-hatred, confusion and anxiety. The tears flowed freely, and your breathing became erratic. You truly had nowhere to go in the house, it wasn’t yours. You didn’t feel welcome or safe. You wracked your brain for a place to go, someone who would hold their door open for you, but your friends had moved away after college. You were too embarrassed to face your co-workers. It was too late to drive the four hours it would take to get to your parents home. Finally, you settled on a hotel room. 

You packed a bag and wiped your face. You would come back for the rest of your things, you thought. Then you would try to get your old apartment back and you and Jake could make it work again. It had to be the house, you thought. But what if he didn’t want you at all? What if he invited Hailey because he was pushing you out to bring her back in?

You almost stumbled as you raced down the stairs and towards the door. You only had to hold your breath for a second to get past the doorway to the main room/kitchen before you could make your escape. As you opened the front door and took a breath, you were met with Jake’s sister with her finger on the doorbell. The chime rang out before you could stop her, and Jake rounded the corner seconds later. 

[xycuro-illuminati]

Bitter exes stuntdevil lore masterpost

Ok so here's the full lore of the bitter exes stuntdevil (Daredevil/Stunt Master divorce) story with how it went down and everything lol (images have alt text)

Big reminder that this would be my version of DD so keep in mind that Matt is Latino here and that I will be taking certain elements from shadowlands here (I'm sorry fellow dd mutuals I just like the whole demon possession aspect by itself. I don't like shadowlands and I think it sucks I just wished they made him into an actual beast demon yknow).

To give a summary of how it goes: The Hand is not involved with the Beast demon at all, they're not going to show up whatsoever. In this version, the beast demon is just a parasitic demon that was hiding in a flower that a group of cultists summoned and when Danny Rand and Matt went to investigate, Matt got too close and was exposed to the pollen, therefore, got infected. The beast demon would shut off his nervous system over time and made Matt unaware of things before completely taking over and transforming him into a monstrous demon that acts like a zombie. Matt would be in a comatose state while the Beast demon was using his body and did whatever it wanted and fed off negative energy. Shadowlands isn't a big marvel event, it just lasted for a short time with only the Heroes for Hire involved and after the exorcism (here's the art showcasing that), Matt was left in a distraught state where he wanted to rebuild himself and clear his head since all he could remember was strangling Foggy (comic here). It made him feel not only horrible and guilty, but he also felt like a burden bc Foggy was juggling between running the law firm and visiting Matt to help him recover. During this, Matt wanted to go back to San Francisco to try to regain his footing again and Foggy decided to let him do so thinking it might help him. It would be this version of the Daredevil Reborn arc (or at least, takes place after it).

And that's where Stunt Master comes in.

For those that don't know who Stunt Master is, George Smith was one of the early villains in Matt's rogues gallery dating all the way back to volume 1. He's a classic vol 1 type villain that wants nothing but fame and fortune, along with getting in Matt's way. His dynamic with Matt during that time was standard antagonist interaction but they also held a playful banter along with some really strong trust bonds and some homoerotic dialogue as per usual.

However, during the Death's Head arc, George has a change of heart after being forced to kidnap Karen Page and wanted to be good. He lead Ghost Rider (Johnny Blaze) and Matt to Death's Head and the three of them stopped him. After this interaction, George was no longer considered a villain and even becomes friends with Johnny during the older runs (which he originally met up with Ghost Rider bc he wanted to make up to Matt for his kindness).

George doesn't show up that much again but going back to where Matt is going through it post demonic possession: the two of them meet up. Matt tells him his identity as Daredevil and what happened during their catching up, and George tries to help him out by going on stunt rides to help get Matt's mind off of things. Since Matt had felt like a burden before, for George to treat him as if nothing changed, it made Matt feel better in some weird way. That was how Matt fell madly in love with George. All those wild stunts and running around as vigilantes, plus Matt being in a vulnerable mental state, it all added up for Matt to quickly attach himself to George and would do anything for him.

Matt and George began dating and Matt adopted some of George's cowboy aesthetics into his costume.

At first, they were doing a few good things here and there trying to do the right thing. But George has always wanted fame and fortune, so that fame got to his head and he started to fall back to his old criminal ways. Unfortunately, because Matt was so down bad and lovesick, he went along with it without acknowledging the repercussions. Matt returned to NYC to reunite with Foggy, but after Foggy learned about what George was doing, he wasn't a fan of this relationship (literally the smartest mf here and yes, Foggy was PISSED OFF rightfully so). Matt was getting worse and worse over the few months, and he eventually ditched the law firm and left Foggy to deal with work by himself while he and George went on a road trip to Las Vegas where they eventually got married there. Matt fully adopted the cowboy aesthetic and had a criminal cowboy daredevil suit made for him as both a wedding suit and a vigilante costume.

The two idiots kept causing a shit ton of crime including vandalism and theft, specifically robbing trains. Some of those crimes eventually caught Johnny Blaze's attention, making him surprised that his good ol' friend George was going back to being a criminal again. When Johnny confronted them, George rambled about wanting fame again and that any attention is good attention no matter what. Matt had even convinced George that Johnny's disapproval shouldn't mean anything to him, to which made Johnny believe that Matt was enabling him (here's the full comic that I drew here).

(It's also a little secret addition to this little exchange where Johnny expresses how he feels about Daredevil when asked:

Doesn't wanna say anything about the whole cowboy phase so he says this instead lol. But that's just me).

The three of them started beef with each other so whenever Ghost Rider was involved, it was a whole shit show.

(Full post of this image here)

Matt and Johnny fought the most while George would either watch from afar and root for Matt or continue with whatever scheme they were up to. Along with all of this happening, post marriage was starting to make Matt slowly wake up from his lovesick phase and he was realizing that George was not a good partner after all. The two would get into petty arguments while also doing some headass shit to spite the other. George was insensitive to Matt's feelings while Matt would constantly ignore George whenever he tried talking to him. Not only that, George was so bad at sex that Matt completely lost his sex drive. These two were not a good couple and over the year, Matt was slowly figuring that out.

George has done shit from putting the motorcycle in the bed, only caring about The Mets and watching their games during sex, played the worst disco songs Matt has ever heard, and he was overall just a shitty partner. The two of them eventually fell out of love and barely tolerated each other, whether it was during domestic moments or during their crime schemes.

At one point during a fight, Ghost Rider ruined the veil on Matt's suit along with using a heated chain on him and burned a section of Matt's left bicep. After that fight, Matt realized that fighting Ghost Rider for George wasn't worth any risk and refused to fight Johnny no matter what George says. George went after Ghost Rider by himself only to get absolutely smoked while his costume got tarnished in the process.

Matt later on went back to NYC to visit Foggy, and by visit, he basically showed up at Foggy's doorstep in the middle of the night during a rainstorm while still wearing the cowboy outfit.

Foggy was reluctant at first, but Matt admits being a stupid fucking idiot and apologizes for leaving Foggy to run the law firm by himself. After being let in, Matt begs Foggy to help him divorce George, and Foggy agrees to help him out just this once. Matt goes back to George to talk to him and after another argument, they both agree on getting a divorce since at this point they can't stand being around each other anymore.

After the divorce, Matt was finally improving on himself and then the events of vol 3 and 4 starts. During Matt's whole identity-being-revealed, whenever someone asks him about the whole cowboy Daredevil fiasco back in San Francisco, Matt made up the excuse that the cowboy Daredevil wasn't him but instead some random guy. A faker. An imposter, if you will.

George comes back during vol 4 in issues 11-12 where he decides to take the opportunity for more fame and fortune by orchestrating the entire Kid Stunt Master arc where he faked his own suicide and took drugs to make sure Matt couldn't tell he was lying. He also did this to spite Matt as well so there's that to add onto.

Since it's been a few years after interacting with each other and George (pretending to be) being desperate for his help, Matt decided to give him a chance and had truly believed that George had changed over the years. And Matt was genuinely sadden over his (fake) suicide.

Matt started reminiscing the good ol' days when they were friends and even the beginning days of their developing relationship. Of course, after finding out the truth of George orchestrating the entire thing, Matt quickly snuffed out those reminiscing feelings and went straight back to completely hating on George.

After that ordeal, he wants his ex husband to get hit by a truck. He wants nothing to do with George Smith whatsoever.

After Kirsten learned about the entire divorce, her, Matt, and Foggy decide to celebrate the divorce date as a fun little anniversary. A few years later, Johnny and Matt finally sit down and have a conversation about the whole criminal cowboy phase and after learning both perspectives, there was an understanding (comic I drew here). But despite learning the truth, Matt and Johnny still have some grievances between each other, they just learn to keep a distance and be respectful when necessary.

Which is why there's a hate triangle guide I made for the three in the first place lmao.

There you go, that's the entire lore for this crack hateship of mine. If I were an official Marvel writer, I would definitely use this to reveal Matt's bisexuality being canon. It would be the worst way to reveal a bi character but it would be so funny and so worth it.

Here's a playlist of it. If you have any cheesy, funny, or over the top dramatic bad break up songs lmk I'll add it to the list.

[indeedcaptain]

Regulatory Relations, chapter 15: the miners

Hi, everyone!! I hope you're having a beautiful weekend.

Thank you for your patience, both with this chapter and with me being dramatically less responsive on here and tumblr recently. I’m on a project at work that is kicking my ass professionally and emotionally, but at least it ends in two weeks and I hope I can be a little more present after that. Please accept my apologies that I haven’t responded to any of your beautiful comments :(

I left this fic unrated for a reason. Explicit content ahead! If that’s not your jam, skip from the second star section break to the third. Otherwise, enjoy ;)

Thank you so much for being here and reading along with this adventure. I hope you like this chapter.

Also posted on AO3 here.

☆☆☆

“If anyone gets this message, please. Help us.” 

Kirk, Spock, and the beta shift bridge crew stood in silence as Overman Dima Marcus’s cry for help echoed through the room. Marcus panted as a third explosion rocked the frame, and he fell out of focus. He looked over his shoulder. The video ended.

“Play it again,” Kirk ordered, and Ortiz restarted the video. The rise and fall of static, the explosions, and Marcus’s dire message played again over the viewscreen. Kirk read the haggard, gaunt, fearful face of the overman, and he saw his hunger. The tendons of Marcus’s neck were too prominent, even in the shadowed image of the video. Kirk’s own bones ached in recognition, and in the crevasses of Marcus’s face he saw his own, and Kevin’s. In the nervous, twitching glance over his shoulder, Kirk saw Laika sprinting to the treeline on the outskirts of town. He pushed his fearful recognition somewhere dark and cold in the back of his mind, until it was just Dima Marcus, dirty and alone, on the screen in front of him. His memories of Tarsus were too close to the surface, skittering over his skin after the conversation in Bones’s office, and he fought to focus on the problem at hand. 

Kindinos wasn’t Tarsus. But Dima Marcus looked like he was starving.

Ortiz paused it at the end. Kirk heard the turbolift door open behind him, and he stifled his nervous twitch as he said, “Metadata for the video?” 

“Pretty degraded, sir, but recorded within the past one hundred hours and transmitted from the heading of 106 mark 8, sir.” 

“Helmsman?” 

The helms officer tapped the console and looked back at Kirk. Kirk met his gaze as steadily as he could. The beta shift crew rarely saw situations as serious as this one--- he would not allow his fear to trigger their own. “106 mark 8 is the heading for Kindinos VI from here, sir.” 

“Have we received anything to indicate that this recording is in any way falsified or illegitimate?” 

The beta shift bridge crew paused, looking amongst themselves, and then Lieutenant Karros in the center chair said, “No, sir.” 

Kirk finally turned and looked over his shoulder, unsurprised to see admirals April and Pike waiting by the lift. April’s face was stony as Kirk said, “Helmsman, set a course for Kindinos VI at warp four, and get Scotty back up here or into Engineering as soon as you can.” 

“Yes, sir.”

“We may have had radio silence from Kindinos because something went wrong, admiral,” Kirk said, holding April’s eye contact. “I’ll send Yeoman Rand to work with you to get your schedule fixed as close to correct as possible, but your reports are going to be delayed by a few days.” 

April stared at him, grinding his teeth, before saying, “Understood, captain.” But the man’s open hostility barely registered as he stepped down to the main chair. Karros stood to offer it to him, but he waved her off, forcing his motions to be casual. 

“Lieutenant Ortiz, put me on shipwide comms, please.” He waited until her signal, and then spoke. “Crew of the Enterprise, this is your captain speaking. We’ve received a distress signal, and we are answering its call. Officers Uhura, Giotto, Spock, McCoy, and Rand, report to the ready room. Lieutenant Scott, report to bridge. All others, be prepared for new orders. We’ll arrive in the Kindinos system in---” He turned to look at the helmsman, who mouthed ‘ten hours’--- “ten hours, at which point I will have more details to share. Kirk out.” 

“Lieutenant Karros, keep the conn until the end of your shift,” Kirk said, and she nodded resolutely. “Let me know if we receive any more signals from anything in that direction.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, and the beta bridge crew around her nodded resolutely. Kirk strode back towards the turbolift. As he passed the comms console, he said, “Ortiz, could you please---?” He cut himself off as she handed him a data chip. 

“The video data, sir?” He took it from her and offered her an approving head nod. 

“Well done, lieutenant, that’s exactly right.” She looked down to hide her smile at the praise, and he pocketed the data chip. Spock followed him to the turbolift. 

“Admirals, if you would like to attend this briefing, please feel free to do so.” Pike followed Kirk and Spock into the turbolift, and April stepped in afterwards. The admirals stood in front of Kirk and Spock, all four facing the doors, and the only person who noticed that Spock gently wrapped his hand around Kirk’s wrist and squeezed was Kirk. He glanced at Spock, who met his eyes, and the contact helped center him back into himself, just a little bit. 

When they entered the conference room, Kirk’s officers were already waiting. Kirk looked over his assembled department heads, his hand-picked and trusted crew, and was grateful to see them. He took his place at the head of the table, Spock at his right hand, and slid the data chip into the room’s computer. 

“We received this message just moments ago,” he said, and hit play. He forced himself to watch as Marcus’s message rang through the room, and he let it play twice before shutting it off and turning back to his crew. Pike had rolled his chair up to the table, sitting beside Uhura, and April sat at the far end, opposite Kirk. His dark eyes were inscrutable. 

“Uhura, here,” Kirk said, and slid the data chip to her. She scooped it neatly off the table. “Beta bridge crew said they didn’t see anything funny about the message, but I’d like you to triple-check their work, just in case. Anything you can tell me about the location of the recording, any of the ambient sounds, especially those explosions, or Marcus himself would be great. We don’t know if the problem is conflict or natural disaster, and I’d like to have that information before we go planetside.” 

“Yes, sir,” she said, and something in her eyes was already going far away, as if she were listening to the message from Marcus in her head again. He turned next to the good doctor, who was watching him too carefully.

“Bones, I’d like ready kits for as many nurses as you think you can stand to send down, one we know what we’re walking into. If it’s a natural disaster, that’s one thing, but if we’re heading into a war zone, we’ll send security first and then triage.” Bones nodded, already tapping on his padd to send instructions down to Sickbay.

“Giotto, we’ll need teams, but I’m not sure how many---” 

“We’ll be able to field at least ten teams of four for a conflict zone, or we could do twenty of two if we’re just looking for survivors.”

“That’s great, Sal, that sounds right to me. Let’s plan for the worst, just in case, and we can split up on the ground if it turns out that way.” Kirk’s mind flicked through the possibilities based on what he knew about Kindinos and dilithium mines, and ran through the consequences of the most likely scenarios. He was hitting an obstacle, though: Kindinos wasn’t in Federation space, and he had very little knowledge to fall back on.

“Mr. Spock. Any information on this planet, the mine, cultural rifts that could cause conflict, any history of physical instability where the mine was built, or any evidence of foul play would be great. I doubt we’ll be able to get any clear information from the residents once we get there, not at first, and I’d like to be prepared for anything.” Spock inclined his head, calm and collected, and even just seeing him sitting at his right hand recentered Kirk further. Kindinos wasn’t Tarsus, and they were going to be ready to help.

Kirk turned to the last officer at his table. “Yeoman Rand, taking this mission is going to severely disrupt our current schedule. I’d like you to work with Admiral April to reprioritize our next round of orders. It’s unclear how long we’ll be in orbit around Kindinos at the moment, so as much leeway as you can provide would be helpful.” 

“Yes, sir,” she said, and nodded to April down the table. April inclined his head in turn, but his eyes flicked back to Kirk.

“Alright,” Kirk said. “We have ten hours until we’ll get there, any other crises notwithstanding. Rand, could you send someone to make sure Scotty gets some sleep when he’s done checking everything over in Engineering? I don’t want him down there all night.” She nodded, pulling out her padd to tap out a message to one of her minions. “We’ve got a little under ten hours until we arrive, and there is almost nothing that we can do for these people in the meantime. You’ve got your orders, but get some sleep, and make sure your people get sleep. Report anything you find or learn directly to me and Spock. Dismissed.” 

His officers stood and filed out of the conference room. Their focused, professional determination imbued the air, and Kirk inhaled it like oxygen. Janice strode ahead to fall in step with April, and Pike hung back until Kirk and Spock stepped out. 

“If you’ve got any insight here, Chris, I’d love to hear it,” Kirk said. 

“Nothing useful, I’m afraid,” Chris said. “I’ve never been out that way before. But I wanted to offer--- if you need any logistics assistance, put me in. An extra brain never hurts on a lifesaving mission.”

An idea sprung to mind fully formed, and it chased away some of the ache in his bones that had started the moment he saw Marcus. “Actually, that would be great,” Kirk said, and he turned to Spock. “Has Chris seen your revision?” 

“6245-B? No.” The empathetic shift in Spock’s face was infinitesimal, but Kirk saw the second he realized what Kirk intended. He nodded minutely. 

“We’re trying something new,” Kirk said, turning back to Chris. “We took on extra unreplicated food stores in case of emergency, and it seems as though we’re going to test a hypothesis sooner rather than later. I’ll send you the inventory, and it would be great if you could think through the most efficient way to distribute it, so that we’re not relying on the replicators. From the looks of Marcus, the people on Kindinos are going to need it.” 

“You’ve got it, captain,” Chris said, and Spock pulled out his padd to send him the documents. With a ding of his padd, Chris acknowledged their receipt, and after a brief ‘goodnight’ he followed the rest of the staff back towards the turbolift that would take him to his quarters. Kirk watched him depart before he turned towards the lift that would take him back to the bridge. 

Spock halted him with a hand around the wrist. His hand was warm. “Your own orders were to rest, sir,” he said. 

“I just wanted to---”

“And you ensured that Lieutenant Karros would maintain command for another four hours.” 

“I was just going to see if they needed anything,” Kirk said. He looked up, meeting Spock’s eyes, and he knew Spock saw him, and understood. 

“Admirable, captain, but unnecessary.” Spock paused. “And you have not yet eaten dinner.” 

As if on cue, Kirk’s stomach rumbled, and though Spock did not look down at the source of the noise he did allow himself a slight eyebrow raise. 

“I can’t sit and do nothing, after seeing that message,” he said, and pulled his wrist from Spock’s grip to take his hand instead. 

“Preparing is not ‘doing nothing.’ You and the rest of the crew will be of more use to the miners if you are fed and rested,” Spock said, and he allowed Kirk to entangle their fingers as he directed them both towards his designated turbolift. 

“And yourself, Mr. Spock?” 

“Vulcans require less sleep and sustenance than humans, captain,” Spock said.

“Does that mean you don’t want to eat dinner with me, then?” The quip rolled off his tongue. Each step with Spock’s hand in his took him further from the shock that had frozen him on the bridge.

Spock paused, affronted, and Kirk laughed. 

“That is not what I said,” he said stiffly, and followed Kirk into the turbolift.

“Alright, then,” Kirk said, and grinned as he pulled Spock towards him. “Officer’s quarters,” he said to the lift as the doors slid shut, and then he towed Spock all the way to him until they were nose to nose. Spock inhaled as Kirk tilted his head up to kiss him, and by the time the lift doors opened again they were both breathless.

☆☆☆

They had only left the quarters a little over twelve hours previously, and yet returning to it with Spock, knowing that he would stay the night, cast the entire suite in a new light. Spock’s robes hanging in his closet, Spock’s crinoid fluttering among his books, Spock’s boots next to his next to the door--- every detail of Spock’s existence in the space that he had inhabited alone for years soothed the ragged edges of his mind. Spock insinuated himself on the couch, pulling every available padd towards himself to research, as Kirk replicated dinner for them--- plomeek soup for Spock, a turkey sandwich for himself. He crossed to join Spock with their food, setting it on the coffee table in front of them, and they sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch, reading through the ship computer’s resources on Kindinos VI. The file was astonishingly sparse for a planet that supplied one of the Federation’s most valuable resources. 

“There’s effectively nothing here,” Kirk said, as they got to the bottom of the document. “That’s all?” Spock frowned and scrolled back to the top.

“It seems so, captain,” Spock said, and tapped irritatedly at the search bar. Kirk watched as he tried various other options--- information on the system, the mining company, Dima Marcus himself--- but nothing further came up. “Not even a geological survey,” he said. 

“It might be proprietary to the mining company, depending on who owns the planet. It’s not technically in Federation space.” 

Spock hummed in acknowledgement. “We will need to exercise caution, Jim.”

“I always exercise caution.” 

Spock’s eyes cut to him, but he didn’t refute the comment. “Depending on the source of the unrest, a Federation starship may not be a welcome visitor.”

“How do you mean?” 

Spock leaned back against the couch, eyes thoughtful, and crossed his legs. His bony knee pressed into Kirk’s thigh. “The planet was uninhabited before the dilithium was discovered. The only people who live there now are those who are employed by the mine. I assume you are familiar with the great union riots of the 2030s on Earth.”

“I am,” Kirk said, suddenly aware of where Spock was going and uneasy with it. 

“If the conflict is between classes of employees, or perhaps miners and management, the arrival of a consumer of their product may be viewed as harmful to their business.” 

Kirk frowned. “You’re right,” he said. “So we’ll come in gentle. We won’t mention the distress call until we get someone to talk to and hear a little more about what’s going on.” 

“A reasonable approach, captain,” Spock said, and Kirk leaned back against the couch to brush their shoulders together. 

“We were already headed that way for a wellness check,” he said. “We’ll keep that story, say we got concerned when comms broke down and just wanted to see how they were doing. No mention of any problems until we get a hold of someone on the ground.” 

“I think that will be best, captain.” Spock swapped the padd in his hand for one of the others on the coffee table, and skimmed through the document; over his shoulder, Kirk could see the stark, clinical titles from his regulation revision. “Tasking Admiral Pike with implementing the revision was logical.” 

“If you let him hear you call him admiral again, I think he might actually run you down. That chair can get some real speed, you know.” 

“I will endeavor to protect my knees, captain,” Spock said, and Kirk coughed out a surprised laugh. Spock glanced at him as he leaned back against the couch, and turned back to his padd as he said, “Marcus’s appearance distressed you.” 

The disagreement leapt to Kirk’s lips. He bit it back. He could be honest. Spock had earned that, deserved that, from him. 

“We got the message today, but it could be three days old,” he said. “A lot can happen in three days.” Spock did not look at him, but his knee pressed insistently against Kirk’s leg, and Kirk leaned against him. “And if that’s what the overman looked like three days ago, four days once we arrive, what shape is everyone else in?” They sat in silence for a moment before Kirk forced himself to put voice to the fear that howled from the back of his mind. 

“Are there children on Kindinos?”

“It is impossible to be certain,” Spock said quietly. “But I have found no evidence that there is anyone but the employees of the mining company on the planet.” Kirk chewed the inside of his lip. “We will be prepared to act immediately upon arrival, captain. We acquired sufficient foodstuff and have enough staff to respond as soon as we ascertain the needs of the people on the planet.”

Kirk turned over Spock’s words in his mind, pressing their shoulders together, drawing comfort from his proximity and his logical consideration of Kirk’s fears. He watched over Spock’s shoulder as Spock re-read the preliminary report on Kindinos, committing the scant information to memory. 

“I do not believe there is any other information that I can acquire on the planet at this time,” Spock eventually said, and Kirk sat up and arched, stretching his back. He was beginning to feel how Spock had thrown him through the ache in his muscles, and remembered the tingle of Spock dragging his hands across his skin. He stood and crossed the room, swinging his arms to stretch his shoulders, before turning and sitting on the edge of his desk. He considered Spock as his eyes lifted to meet Kirk’s, pulling slowly away from the padd in his hands.

“A shower, I think, before bed,” Kirk said. “We both smell like the gymnasium.” His stomach twinged pleasantly as he recalled the way Spock had moved under his hands that morning and against him in the turbolift later, and he admired the way Spock looked, lounged on their couch with his long legs crossed in front of him. He felt again that strange magnetism that pulled his hands to Spock, even at this distance; he felt that irrepressible need to be close to him, to feel his skin against his. But he no longer felt the vague discomfort of guilt at the idea; his attraction had been joyfully reciprocated.

“If you don’t want to, or if it’s too soon, I understand,” Kirk said. He held Spock’s gaze. “But if you did want to, you could join me.” 

Spock straightened, his padd coming to rest flat against his thighs. Color rose faintly on his cheeks, and his eyes dropped to the floor before he raised them again.

“I would like that,” he said, his voice quiet. Kirk smiled and crossed the room back to him as pleasure at the idea sparked to life inside him. He offered his hand. With only a second’s hesitation, Spock took it, and Kirk pulled him up off the couch and to the bathroom door. Spock followed him in as Kirk crossed directly to Scotty’s half of the bathroom and locked the other door.

☆☆☆

Spock stood on the tile of the bathroom floor in his stockinged feet, arms crossed in front of himself, face impassive.

“Hey,” Kirk said, and put both hands on Spock’s shoulders, the fabric of his science shirt smooth under his hands. “I was serious. We don’t have to.” 

Kirk felt Spock’s shoulders rise as he inhaled through his nose, and he looked down between them as he said again, “I would like to.” But he paused, and even without telepathy Kirk could feel his apprehension vibrating beneath his skin. 

“You haven’t done this before,” Kirk said. 

“I have not,” Spock confirmed. “Though your use of ‘this’ is alarmingly vague.” Kirk grinned and shook him gently by the shoulders.

“You’re sure, though?” Kirk asked. “Because we can wait.”

“I am sure,” Spock said, and his voice was steadier. He met Kirk’s eyes again, his eyes scorching, and uncrossed his arms, reaching one hand to Kirk’s waist. Kirk slid his hands down from Spock’s shoulders, over his ribs, down to his hips, and slipped one finger under the hem of his shirt. 

“May I?” Kirk asked, voice dropping low, and Spock nodded. He slid both hands under Spock’s tunic and pulled it over his head. Spock lifted his arms, his undershirt riding up with the motion to reveal the taut skin of his stomach, the shirt’s journey over his neat hair disturbing its perfect alignment. Kirk balled up the shirt and tossed it in the recycler before turning back to Spock to claim his undershirt and trousers. But Spock reached for him first. Watching his own hands as if committing the movement to memory, Spock pulled his command golds off, skimming his hands over Kirk’s sides as he lifted, and placed the shirt in the recycler with his own. Kirk stepped closer and slid both hands under Spock’s undershirt, pressing them flat against the warmth of Spock’s back. Spock closed his eyes and nodded, and Kirk pulled the undershirt off of him. 

He had seen Spock shirtless a hundred times before, in locker rooms, on away missions, in Sickbay, but never like this. He had never seen Spock with his clothes removed by Kirk’s own hands; his chest hair dark against his pale skin, the leanness of his frame belying his strength. Unable to stop himself, Kirk pressed one hand against his stomach, and felt Spock’s heart beneath his palm.

“Still okay?” 

Spock nodded, and his eyes darkened as he pulled Kirk’s undershirt off. He skimmed a hand along the line of his shoulder, and the soft touch gave him goosebumps. Spock ran one long finger along the bumps on his arm. 

“Are you cold, Jim?” 

Kirk laughed. “No,” he said, and hooked two fingers into the waistband of Spock’s trousers. He pulled, and Spock stepped towards him, bringing them within inches of each other. He was acutely aware of the uneven rise and fall of Spock’s chest, of the slight tremor in his own hands. Spock looked down, replacing the touch of one finger against his goosebumps with his whole hand, and his soft breath against Kirk’s ear made him shiver. 

“Are you certain?” 

“It’s not from the cold, Spock,” Kirk said, skin tingling under Spock’s hands, and he unbuttoned Spock’s trousers. His knuckles brushed the line of hair that trailed into Spock’s pants. Spock stepped out of them as Kirk pulled them down, placing one hand against the wall for balance. Kirk noted the spread of his fingers and flushed as his mind supplied an image of what Spock’s hands might look like, both pressed against the wall of the shower. Down, boy, he told himself. He was going to let Spock set the pace for whatever they did. But Spock stood before him in his boxers and socks, all long, lean lines and chest hair, and some of the nervous tension had left his gestures when he reached for the button of Kirk’s pants. 

“May I?” Spock asked, his mouth next to Kirk’s ear, and when Kirk nodded, his nimble fingers made quick work of the fastenings. Kirk stepped out of his pants and tossed both pairs into the recycler. Spock reached for him, running his hand down Kirk’s arm, eyes following a similar path down the line of his throat and over his chest, lingering at his shorts. Spock exhaled sharply before bringing his hands to the waistband of his own shorts. He met Kirk’s eyes and raised one eyebrow, and Kirk’s mouth dried up as Spock removed the last of his clothing and stood bare before him. Spock, naked, was incredible to behold: every line of him elegant like a dancer, the thin trail of hair down his chest and stomach leading to his half-hard cock, flushed green and double-ridged.

“You’re beautiful,” Kirk said, and watched in fascination as a flush crept down Spock’s neck and across his chest. With Spock’s eyes glued to his hands, he slowly pulled his own shorts down and tossed them and his socks into the recycler. He stood before Spock’s gaze as it swept from his face, down over his torso, to his exposed cock and thighs, and back to his face.

“Jim,” Spock said, hoarse, and reached for him. His hand slid up Kirk’s shoulder, over and behind his neck, and pulled him in as Kirk slid his arms around his back. Their bodies collided as their lips met, and Spock brought both hands up to frame his face. Spock’s chest hair scraped his torso, his cock pressing against Kirk’s hipbone, and he shuddered as Kirk ran his hands from his shoulder blades to the curve of his ass, breathing hard against his mouth. Kirk pulled back to see his face, to gauge if he needed to slow down, but Spock chased him across the distance, eyes dark and intense, to kiss him again. Kirk sighed into Spock’s mouth at the brush of his tongue against his, his hands roaming over his back, and Spock pushed them backwards to press Kirk against the countertop. Kirk’s whole body sang at the pressure of Spock against him, his fingertips digging dimples into his skin. He could feel Spock hardening against him, the twitch of his hips as Kirk shifted, and he pulled one hand between them to press Spock backwards. 

“Shower,” he said, and Spock nodded. Kirk crossed to the shower, setting the water to something he thought would be comfortable for both of them and testing it with his hand. Spock followed behind him. Kirk leaned back until his shoulders pressed against Spock’s chest, and rested his head back against Spock’s shoulder.

“You can touch me,” he said quietly. “However you’re comfortable.” Spock hummed his assent, the sound reverberating in his chest. He wrapped his arms around Kirk from behind, clasping his hands at his navel and dropping his head to press a kiss to the meat of Kirk’s shoulder. He dragged his lips from that point of contact, up his neck, to his ear, where he kissed the rounded top. Kirk shivered at his breath against the shell of his ear.

“God, Spock,” he whispered, and ran his hand along his forearm. He felt Spock’s minute tremble under the touch of his hand, felt his chest expand with a jagged breath against his back. He pulled away to step under the warm stream of water, letting it pour over his head for a second, before he turned back. Spock stared at him as he slicked his wet hair back. His hands hung open, empty, next to him, and he saw one twitch towards him. Spock’s eyes were wide and dark, drinking him in, and Kirk grinned broadly at him. Holding Spock’s gaze, he ran his tongue against his lower lip. 

Spock surged towards him, meeting him under the water, wrapping both arms around him before pressing them both backwards. Kirk hissed into Spock’s mouth as his back hit the cold tile of the shower wall, arching towards him, wrapping both arms around his shoulders. Spock ground his hips against him, and the moan that escaped from somewhere deep in his chest set Kirk’s blood on fire. He opened his eyes and ran one hand over Spock, dragging down and catching one nipple with his thumb. Spock shuddered. Water dripped down his nose, and his mouth was half-open as his eyes fluttered shut; he was so beautiful that Kirk’s teeth ached with it. For a moment his head spun as he recognized, as if from outside of his own body, that he was in his shower, grinding his hard-on against his first officer-turned-husband’s. Minutes ago they had been in his quarters, talking about a mission, planning for the away team strategy over dinner, and now they were here, gasping into each other’s mouths. If this was marriage, he thought, then he was looking forward to many more years of it. 

He slid his hand down further, and Spock opened his eyes. “Is this alright?” 

Spock nodded, pressing their foreheads together, and Kirk ran his fingers up Spock’s thigh before slowly wrapping his hand around his cock. Kirk stared in wonder at the microexpressions that flickered across Spock’s face at the contact, as his eyes rolled back even as they slid shut, as his hand spasmed against Kirk’s back where it still held him. He started gently, rolling his wrist as he stroked loosely, and Spock’s hips twitched. His breathing was uneven, shallow and rapid, and when Kirk leaned forward to capture his mouth again Spock groaned into him. He swallowed the noise, pulling Spock’s lip between his teeth, sucking on his tongue, and the rhythm of his kisses grew more unsteady with every pass of his hand.

He twisted his hand slowly and Spock pulled one hand from behind Kirk’s back to plant it unsteadily against the wall of the shower. Kirk glanced at it in awe, at the water dripping down to his angular wrist from long fingers, splayed against the tile. He closed his hand over both ridges and swiped his thumb over the head, and he felt the sticky slide of precome on his hand as Spock dropped his head to Kirk’s shoulder. Kirk turned his head to press an open-mouthed kiss to Spock’s neck, running his unoccupied hand up to tease at his nipples, and Spock shuddered fully against him. 

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he breathed. “I can’t believe--- I wasn’t sure---” He shut his mouth and turned his head, pressing a kiss to Spock’s wrist to prevent himself from saying anything unforgivably vapid, and increased the speed of his hand. Spock’s hips rocked in time with his movement, his breath coming harshly, and when he increased the pressure Spock keened quietly and pressed his mouth down against the meat of Kirk’s shoulder. He felt Spock begin to tremble, heard the voiceless whine catch in the back of his throat, and he continued the pace of his hand, bringing the other up to cradle the back of Spock’s head. 

“Jim,” Spock said, wrecked and ragged, and Kirk kissed the side of his head. “I---” His trembling intensified, long thighs tensing; his lungs heaved like bellows, and the hand planted against the wall flexed unconsciously. 

“Good,” Kirk murmured. “I want you to.” It was not lost on him that he was the first person to have ever seen Spock like this, held him and felt him like this, and he seared it in his memory: the deep timbre of his groan, the hitch in his breathing, the weight of his head on his shoulder, the way the hand that he still pressed against the small of Kirk’s back pulled him ever closer. 

Spock came with Kirk’s hand wrapped around him, his face pressed into the crook of Kirk’s neck, pulsing up over Kirk’s fist and their stomachs. Kirk, more aroused than he had ever been in his entire life and so desperately in love that he thought his lungs might burst with it, stroked him through it and took more of his weight as Spock relaxed against him. For a moment Spock leaned into him, mouth pressed into his shoulder, Kirk’s shoulders pressed against the wall of the shower, and he ran his hands up and down Spock’s back, brushing from the crown of his head to the base of his spine. Spock’s breathing slowed, and he dropped his hand from the wall as he lifted his head to meet Kirk’s eyes.

“Hey, you,” Kirk said. 

“Hello,” Spock said, and he tentatively brushed a lock of wet hair from Kirk’s forehead, fingertips skimming over his eyebrow. Kirk put his palm flat against Spock’s sternum, feeling the warmth of him, his once-again steady breathing, and pushed him further under the water. He stepped backwards, watching Kirk with those warm eyes, and Kirk pulled his washcloth from the rack and dispensed soap onto it. He lathered it up and met Spock under the water. Spock was pliant as he ran the washcloth over his shoulders, down his arms, and he allowed Kirk to manipulate him to get under his arms, running the cloth over his palms and down his chest. 

“I am capable of cleansing myself,” Spock said, but there was no real rebuke in it. 

“I know,” Kirk said. “But I want to do it for you.” He ran the cloth gently over his thighs, swiping between his legs, before pushing on one shoulder. Spock turned, allowing him unfettered access to his back. 

Kirk swept the washcloth over the broad expanse of his fine-boned shoulders and said, “Will you indulge my curiosity for a moment?” 

“Yes,” Spock said, and turned his head slightly to listen. Kirk ran the washcloth down his spine, trailing his other hand through the bubbles left behind.

“When did you know?”

Spock’s silence was contemplative, and Kirk waited. He ran the washcloth over Spock’s ribs and down his hips until it was clear that it was only an excuse to touch him, and even then continued. 

“There is no ambiguity in relationships among my people,” Spock said. “Either there is already a bond, such as that between parents and child, or bondmates, and there is no question of what the relationship is; or there is no bond. Our telepathy, our culture, leaves very little room for the question of ‘what if.’” Kirk basked in his deep voice bouncing off the tiles, reverberating through the small space. “When we first met, I was betrothed. Though there was no affection between myself and T’Pring, I did not think that status would change. This was a miscalculation on my part, but one I find that I am now grateful for.” 

Spock paused, and Kirk stayed where he was behind him, hands skimming up and down Spock’s arms. “You are my friend,” Spock said. “But I had never before known ambiguity in a relationship. I did not understand how the line between friendship and more may be blurred, and therefore did not recognize it when it happened. It was not until I was threatened with a future that did not include you that I realized that my sentiment had exceeded its original parameters.”

“Wait,” Kirk said, hands pausing in their steady rhythm at Spock’s wrists. “So then you already knew by the time I found out about the offer. You’ve wanted this… since the beginning?” 

“That is correct.” Kirk squeezed Spock’s wrists and pressed his forehead to the back of Spock’s neck. 

“I though…” Kirk’s heart felt like it was expanding in his chest as he reevaluated, day by day, the circuitous path that had taken them from his nervous proposal in Spock’s old quarters to this moment. “I thought you just didn’t want to leave the Enterprise.” Spock hummed, and Kirk felt it vibrate through him, where he was pressed to him.

“You were the one who assumed the Enterprise as the referent point,” Spock said, and Kirk could almost feel his amusement. “I simply did not correct you.” Kirk lifted his head and continued running his hands over Spock’s arms, feeling the strong lines of his muscle, the upright set of his shoulders.

“And you agreed to a fake marriage anyway? Even before knowing how this would go, even before I had caught up?” Kirk laughed softly, shaking his head. “Humans would call that being a glutton for punishment.” 

“It is no punishment to be where I want to be, captain,” Spock said, and Kirk again pressed his head against his. “But after meditation and---” he cleared his throat, and Kirk looked up to see a faint flush of color on his cheeks--- “an illuminating series of conversations with Nyota, I believe I know when this… ambiguity began.” 

“Will you tell me?” Kirk asked, and Spock turned in his arms. He took the washcloth from Kirk’s hand, applied more soap, and rubbed it to a lather. 

“Babel,” Spock said, and slid the soapy washcloth over Kirk’s shoulders. Kirk watched him; watched the water drip over his eyebrows and cheekbones, down the line of his throat, over the steady movements of his hands. 

“Even though I lied to you?” 

“By saving my father from my decision, you preserved not only his life, but the wellbeing of my mother through her bondmate and any future possibility for me of repairing my familial bonds.” Spock ran the washcloth carefully over Kirk’s chest and stomach, wiping away the evidence of his orgasm, before turning Kirk around to wash his back. He said quietly, “That was the first time that I saw logic bow to kindness. And the first time that such a kindness had been extended to me.” 

The rough fabric of the washcloth vanished, replaced by Spock’s hands, sliding over Kirk’s shoulders and down his arms. He stepped closer behind him, his chest against his back, his cheekbone pressed to Kirk’s temple. “When did you become aware?”

“I think it had been building for a while,” Kirk said, and let Spock take more of his weight against his chest as they stood beneath the water. “When April called me and told me about your promotion, I panicked. I wasn’t ready for you to leave. But it wasn’t until the night that I kissed you for the first time that I realized why I couldn’t bear to lose you.” Spock unclasped his hands, pressing them to Kirk’s stomach, pulling him closer. Kirk turned his head, pressing his forehead against Spock’s cheek. “But I think you knew that.” 

“Any sense of ambiguity disappeared the night of our wedding,” Spock said, and Kirk could feel his voice through his chest, against his back. “When I took your hands.” 

“Ah,” Kirk said, smiling, and lifted his hand to put it on the back of Spock’s head. “You mean I wasn’t successful in hiding my feelings from you that night?” 

“You are many things, captain, but subtle is not usually one of them. What I felt from you, and what I felt in response…” Spock paused, pressed to him. “It was unambiguous.” They stood together under the shower for another minute, breathing in time with each other, before Spock inhaled deeply and slid his hand down through the hair on his stomach, towards his thighs.

“Spock,” Kirk whispered, as his body responded to the gentle touch. “You don’t have to.” 

“I know,” Spock said, voice low in his ear. “But I desire to do it for you.” He wrapped one arm around Kirk, holding him back against his chest, and curled those long, graceful fingers around him in one unselfconscious move. He dropped his head back onto Spock’s shoulder as the water ran down his chest, Spock’s hands burning brands into his skin, his mouth pressing kisses into his neck, and the way Spock touched him made him feel brand new. 

Had any of his previous lovers been so attuned to every twitch and sigh? Had he ever been so comfortable with someone, allowing them to care for him, without feeling the need to remove the center of attention from himself? He couldn’t remember the last time that he had allowed someone to focus entirely on him, insist on his pleasure, single-mindedly pursue it with that inhuman concentration--- but now he did. Spock chased his moans out of his mouth, turning him around to hold him against the wall and kiss him, hand moving ceaselessly on him, and Kirk held onto his shoulders and pressed his head against his neck and let Spock’s insistent rhythm push all other thoughts but him, him, him, yes, yes, yes out of his head.

☆☆☆

Dried and dressed, Kirk and Spock sat side-by-side in the bed, reading over the updates that Uhura and Giotto had sent. The security teams were ready, briefed on what little they knew about the mission, and would be ready to beam down with them as soon as they knew what was going on. Uhura had sent an audiological report that made Kirk uneasy: the audio in the recording was degraded, fuzzy after its travel through space, but it was her professional opinion that the video was legitimate and that the explosions in the background were not from military munitions but industrial machinery. 

He didn’t know if that was better or worse.

“There could be some sort of geological disturbance,” Spock said, as Kirk leaned against him and scanned through Uhura’s report again. 

“Or the miners could be weaponizing the machinery if they are fighting the management,” Kirk said, and Spock inclined his head in agreement. “I think we ought to beam down first,” he continued. “Before sending down the security teams. See if we can’t find someone to talk to, who might be able to give us more information. I don’t want to add more weapons into a volatile situation.” 

Spock exhaled quietly through his nose. Kirk turned to him. “You don’t like my plan?” 

“Your plan is sound,” Spock allowed. He looked at Kirk, warm dark eyes flicking between his own and the padd. “Is there any possibility of convincing you to remain aboard the ship until the situation on the ground has been ascertained?”

“Of course not,” Kirk said, narrowing his eyes. “You know I won’t order my crew into anything that I won’t go into myself.” Spock looked back to the padd in his lap before twining his fingers through Kirk’s. 

“I know, captain,” Spock said. He was silent for a moment before he said, “I am going with you.” Kirk took one more glance over the reports from his team before he closed the padd and set it aside, leaning over to rest his head on Spock’s shoulder. 

“I rely on it,” he said quietly. “On you coming with me.” So smoothly and gracefully he didn’t realize at first what he was doing, Spock slid them both down the bed until they were horizontal, laying next to each other. 

“I must admit, illogical though it is, I do have a preference among the revelations from the past week.” 

“A daring admission, Mr. Spock. Please, do tell.” 

“The rule that the security team follows,” Spock said, the chocolate brown of his eyes warm in the light of their quarters. “That on away missions, they can trust that I will be where you are.” Beneath the comforter, Kirk lifted Spock’s arm to slide himself beneath it and lay his head on his shoulder. Such boldness, he thought, even as Spock adjusted to make room for him. 

“That might be my favorite, too,” Kirk said. “That, or the nurses’ log.” 

Spock hummed in consideration. “It was their log that first showed me that you treated me in the same manner that I treated you.” 

Kirk lifted his head. “What do you mean?” 

“After I became aware of my own affection, I assumed that you would not reciprocate. I had no evidence to the contrary, and I did not desire to assign meaning to the emotions transferred through your touch without more context.” Spock turned to meet his eyes. “I was unaware of how much time you spent in Sickbay when you were not required to be there.” Kirk lay back down and ordered the lights off.

“If you like, Mr. Spock, I’ll start waking you when you’re in Medbay and I come to see you,” Kirk teased. “So you can know when your captain is worrying about you.” 

“A considerate gesture,” Spock said. “Might I suggest, however, spending less time in Medbay and more time practicing self-preservation?”

“Hey,” Kirk complained, curling closer to Spock’s warmth, thrilling at the way his hand slipped beneath his sleep shirt to press possessively against his hip. “I thought we were talking about you.” 

“I believe we could ask Dr. McCoy to analyze who spends more time on a biobed,” Spock said. “If I am remembering correctly, you have spent at least 11.8% more time, comparatively---” His sentence ended rather abruptly as Kirk stretched up to kiss him instead, and he rolled towards Kirk immediately to place a hand against his face and kiss him in return. 

As they broke apart and settled down to sleep, Kirk thought that he had just discovered a way to increase the number of future disagreements that he won quite considerably. 

☆☆☆

Jimmy was back in the treehouse on Tarsus, during one of the early days. But he looked around at his sleeping kids, and there was one extra body laying on the wooden floor. He counted them again: Kevin and Mira and Ellie, then Tommy and Laika and himself. And then the last body, laying with his back to Jimmy, shivering in the light wind. Jimmy crawled over to him, quietly so as to not disturb the littles, and shook the stranger’s shoulder.

“Hey,” he said. “Who are you?” 

Dima Marcus rolled over, face shrunken and skeletal with hunger, and whispered, “Help me.” 

Kirk woke to the darkness of his own room, and to Spock’s hand sliding across the bed to find him. 

“Are you distressed, Jim?” 

“It was just a nightmare,” Kirk said, and he fought his instinct to squirm out from under that telepathic hand. “I’m sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep.” 

“Will you be returning to sleep?” 

Kirk hesitated, and in the silence Spock read his answer. He heard Spock roll over to face him as he retracted his hand back to his side of the bed. 

“Do you wish to discuss it?” 

His immediate answer was no. His second answer was absolutely not. But his third answer was a little less defensive, a little more willing to share the burden. Three days ago he would have refused to open up. But tonight, in the dark, after Spock had proven over and over again that he was not going to leave, maybe he could bear a little vulnerability. 

“It’s all too close to the surface,” he said. “I need more time. Two weeks ago, I don’t think Marcus would have rattled me at all. Today?” He scoffed a little. “After the past seventy-two hours? Everything reminds me of the colony.” 

“What would you do, given more time?” 

“I don’t know,” he said, rolling to lay flat on his back, staring at his familiar ceiling, cast in the light of his alarm clock. “Sort out this one problem, and then move onto other missions. Get my head on right again.”

“I believe your head is attached to your body correctly, captain,” Spock said solemnly, and Kirk huffed out a laugh before sliding his hand across the bed. Spock met it with his own, entwining their fingers gently. 

“I spent years locking all this away so that it wouldn’t interfere with anything else,” Kirk eventually said. “I’m still glad to know the truth, or be closer to it. Or something. But I can’t help but feel that I would be better prepared for tomorrow if I hadn’t…” What? Unlocked everything that he had kept hidden away? Opened Pandora’s box of Starfleet conspiracies? 

“In the years since I have come to know you, I have never feared that you would allow your emotions to disrupt your command. This has not changed.” Spock’s thumb traced a gentle line over the back of his hand, and Kirk lay on his back and breathed. “We will assist the people on Kindinos VI however we are able, and afterwards we will continue to investigate what you witnessed. But I do not think that your abilities have been diminished because you are now acknowledging an unresolved issue.” 

Kirk squeezed his hand. “I’m worried about what all this will do to Kevin, too. To the other survivors.”

“I do not doubt that it will be a painful process. But if I may be forthright, captain, I believe a future in which the perpetrators are brought to justice would be preferable to a future in which the burden of secrecy remains with you.” 

They lay in silence. Kirk listened to the steady rhythm of Spock’s breathing, and matched his own to it, and it helped to relieve the tension that had clenched his shoulders in the aftermath of his dream.

“I would still like to cross-reference Lieutenant Riley’s medical records with your own,” Spock said. “But I have also been thinking about other sources of clandestine information.” 

“Oh?” 

“When I was… involved, in some of Michael’s efforts, I became aware of Admiral April’s role as a liaison between Section 31 and the rest of Starfleet during the conflict. He made his distaste for the organization clear, but he may have useful information to offer from that experience.” 

“April?” Kirk asked, the disbelief apparent in his voice, even to him. “That’s hard to imagine. If there were a pictographic representation of ‘hardass’ or ‘by the book’ in the dictionary, it would just be a picture of his face.” He sighed. “We’ll have enough quality time with him over the next two weeks, though. It’s a good idea.”

“We can request that he provide us with additional information about Section 31 as a wedding gift,” Spock said, and Kirk snorted in surprise laughter. He rolled over, away from Spock, but pulled him towards him by their connected hands. Spock obligingly draped himself over Kirk, burying his face in the back of his neck.

“Why the hell did Elise go to such lengths to keep me quiet, when you’ve been walking around with all these dangerous details for years?” Spock’s breath gusted softly against the fine hairs at the nape of Kirk’s neck, and he shivered lightly. 

“I estimate that they assumed a betrothed Vulcan on a ship of humans would never build such a level of rapport as to share those details,” Spock said, and Kirk grinned in the darkness. 

“A grave miscalculation,” Kirk said, and Spock’s arm tightened over his chest. 

“Indeed.”

☆☆☆

Kirk was awakened the next morning, not by the harsh trilling of his alarm clock, but by a warm hand sweeping softly down the side of his face. He blinked awake. Spock sat on the edge of the bed, in uniform, leaning over him. 

“Hello, Jim,” he said, and Kirk smiled.

“Hey, you,” he said. “Up early?” 

“I meditated,” Spock said, and leaned back to allow Kirk to sit up and stretch, sliding out of bed around him and pressing a kiss to the shoulder of Spock’s shirt as he passed. 

“Needed a respite from me and all my illogical human touching?” 

Spock, turning to watch him cross to the closet and pull out his uniform, said, “Never.” Kirk grinned with no slight satisfaction as Spock, face carefully impassive but eyes hawkish, watched him strip out of his pajamas and step into his uniform. He finished dressing and came to stand in front of Spock, where he still sat on the edge of the bed. He stepped into Spock’s space, between his legs, and Spock let him push his knees apart. Kirk tilted his face up with two fingers, leaning down to him, and said huskily, “Big day ahead.” 

Kirk could see the carefully restrained eye roll that he almost certainly deserved for the figure of speech, but Spock let him kiss him anyway, so he thought he might have been forgiven.

Kirk and Spock stepped out of their quarters into a tense and subdued atmosphere, and Kirk’s heart sank. The safe comfort of their room melted away as the crisis on Kindinos VI took center-stage in his mind, and he pushed everything but the people they might find, and the help they might need, to the backburner. They had a brief breakfast, with an extra cup of coffee, and then he strode onto the bridge with Spock a half-step behind to relieve the delta shift.

“Approaching hailing distance in thirty minutes, sir,” the delta helmsman said, as Sulu slid into his seat. 

“Noted, thank you, helmsman,” Kirk said. The next thirty minutes passed in a blur of details: Giotto’s list of security teams, Uhura’s follow-up report on the details of Marcus’s accent, Spock’s more and more elaborate search queries returning nothing useful on Kindinos or the mining company.

Finally, Uhura said from behind him, “Hailing range of Kindinos VI, sir.” Kindinos was a drab little planet in the viewscreen; brown and red and gray, with no visible bodies of water or splashes of green to indicate plant life. According to the sparse report he had read the night before, Kindinos had a Class M atmosphere--- barely. It looked nothing like Tarsus, and yet there was an ache in his stomach that he couldn’t settle. 

“Hail on all frequencies, Lieutenant.” 

“Hailing, captain.” Kirk turned to watch her as she pressed her hand to her earpiece, head tilting as she listened to whatever reached them from the beyond. Half a minute passed. Kirk watched her, her eyes flicking over the console readouts, one hand dancing lightly on the frequency tuner, before she turned back to him. 

“No response, sir.” 

“Let’s try them again.” The bridge hushed around him as Uhura spun back to her console, deft hands flying over the controls with her bright silver earpiece sparkling under the lights. Another thirty seconds passed, her shoulders creeping upwards with tension as she listened. The silence on the bridge was oppressive. She pulled the piece from her ear and turned back.

“Nothing, sir. I can’t even get acknowledgement from their receiver.” Kirk ignored the way his stomach sank and turned to his first officer. 

“What’s the population of the planet, Mr. Spock?”

“It had been uninhabited before the dilithium was discovered and the mine was built. Estimates place the population now at five thousand individuals, mostly human, all employees of Dextrum Mining Corporation.” Kirk nodded as Spock glanced over his shoulder at him, drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair. He stared at the little brown planet.

“Take us into orbit, Mr. Sulu,” he said. “We’re going to beam down and see if we can’t find anyone who can tell us a little bit about what’s going on.” He commed Giotto to have him meet them at the transporter with two teams. “Mr. Spock, with me. Sulu, you have the conn.” 

The turbolift door opened. April and Pike exited. Eyes flashing immediately to the planet on the viewscreen, April asked, “Were you able to raise them?”

“No, sir,” Kirk said, and did his best to ignore April’s determination to be involved in ship’s business, despite his rank and protests of other work to do. “All frequencies, twice, nothing. We’re going down with security to see if we can find anyone to talk to.”

“I will join the away team,” April said, and stared Kirk down as if daring him to argue. Kirk considered it. But even if he told April he couldn’t participate, April would just override his orders. “I’ve met Dextrum’s owner before. An unpleasant man, but if he knows anything, he might be more likely to tell a familiar face.” 

Kirk clenched his jaw. Did April miss the days when the Enterprise was his? Was he so desperate to prove that his relationship with Spock was bad for his command? But the admiral’s rank tied his hands. 

He simply said, “Thank you, Admiral. Your familiarity will prove useful.” He and Spock crossed back to the turbolift, April following them, and nodded to Sulu as he replaced Kirk in the center chair. As they passed Chris, Chris met his eyes and glanced at the padd balanced on his chair. 

“Logistics,” he said, and caught Kirk’s eye. Kirk nodded, and some of his tension lifted. Even if Kindinos was in famine, Spock’s regulation revision and Chris’s efforts would make it easier to distribute food. They would be prepared for whatever they found. Kirk would be prepared for whatever they found. 

“Admiral, would you mind staying with Sulu? I’d appreciate you on deck if it comes to that.” 

“Yes, captain,” Chris said, and navigated the hoverchair down to sit next to Sulu. Kirk, Spock, and April piled into the turbolift, and the doors closed behind them, erasing the bridge from their vision. 

“Transporter,” Kirk told the lift, and it began its descent. There were two seconds of silence before April, glancing between them, said, “You’re both going?” 

“Yes,” Kirk bit out. It was technically against regulation, and he knew it, and April knew he knew it, but he had also never been on a ship that actually followed that rule. April opened his mouth but Spock interrupted him, facing resolutely forward.

“As the highest-ranking science officer, and the only one with security and conflict certifications, it is logical for me to join away teams on potentially dangerous missions.” 

April side-eyed him. “And the captain is going because…?” 

“Kindinos VI is not in Federation space, and Dextrum Mining Corporation not a Federation organization. Captain Kirk is present as a representative of Starfleet and the Federation as a matter of diplomacy.” Spock did not say obviously out loud, but it was nearly impossible to miss through his tone, and Kirk suppressed his appreciative grin. 

April exhaled loudly through his nose, but he didn’t say anything further, and the turbolift door opened to reveal a busy transporter room. Scotty stood at the control panel, scanning his readouts, as Giotto and eight security officers waited in body armor, checking and rechecking the environmental protection suits strapped to their backs. Giotto gave him a firm nod as they entered, but he wasn’t kitted out like the others--- he would manage their movements from the ship, where he could see all the teams’ movements. 

“Admiral,” Giotto said, and shook his hand. Kirk slipped away to sidle up to Scotty at the controls, and Scotty smiled distractedly at him. 

“Supervision, sir?” The Scotsman’s voice was quiet, and he glanced at the admiral.

“Seems so. He says he knows someone down there.” 

“Aye, but it seems dangerous to send the brass into what might be a war zone,” Scotty said, leaning closer to drop his voice further. 

“I agree, but I couldn’t exactly tell him no.” Kirk looked over at April again, who talked seriously to Giotto. He didn’t give off the impression that he wanted to relive his glory days as a starship captain--- and yet here he was, joining the away mission. Kirk felt something press into his hand, and he glanced down. 

“Just in case,” Scotty said, and glanced between Kirk, Spock, and Admiral April. “It’s still untested, but in theory it should work.” In Kirk’s palm lay a heavy comms device; the prototype that Scotty had been working on the week prior, now soldered shut and seemingly operational. “Flip it open, hit the button, and we’ll try to get you out. Let’s try for just one at a time at first, though, hmm?” 

“Thanks, Scotty,” Kirk said, and clasped his shoulder gratefully. “I hope we won’t need it.” 

“I do too, sir,” Scotty said, and Kirk left him to return to Spock’s side, where the Vulcan gazed calmly over the assembled crew. He cleared his throat loudly, and the room fell silent around him. 

“We were unable to contact the miners on Kindinos VI upon our arrival,” he said to the away teams. “The last contact we had was the message for help, sent three days ago. We are beaming down to ascertain the situation, assess the need for medical aid or humanitarian assistance, and discover the cause of their silence. We don’t know the cause of any potential disaster, or what situation we may find on the ground, so take every precaution. Any questions?” 

His crew, silent and ready, shook their heads. He nodded at them, looking around to make eye contact with each of them. “Be safe. Be careful. Check in with the ship every thirty minutes.” Giotto handed him an environmental suit, and he slung it over his back as April and Spock did the same. 

The weight on his back settled him. Kirk strode onto the transporter pad, Spock a half-step behind him, and took his place on one of the plates. He settled his shoulders back, bracing himself. He did not know what they would find; whether they were walking into an active conflict, or if an earthquake or other disaster had wrought ruin on the mine. But though Marcus wore the sharp bones of starvation, Kindinos was not Tarsus. His crew was prepared. They were here to help, and they were going to be fine.

Spock claimed the plate to his right, and April stepped up to his left. Kirk mechanically and automatically ran his hands over his belt for his phaser and comm unit, feeling the experimental one tucked into his inner pocket, and then nodded to Scotty.

“Energize.” 

[trashlie]

ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who  has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

[amemoryofwot]

favorite/least favorite forsaken?

Oh definitely Moghedien is my favourite, her cringefail ways have seduced me. Her backstory is wild, she starts out scary but then turns all of her attention to her one-sided homoerotic fixation on Nynaeve for some reason, she cosplays as a single mom. World heritage WoT post for me is that one where it’s like she’s a 3000 year old witch on a leash forced to teach teenagers science. The only thing missing is a chance for her to complete her Vegeta cycle by actually getting with Nynaeve. Unfortunately imo Nynaeve is the most heterosexual woman in the series and so Moggy will never be more than their pet prisoner of war.

I have to shout-out to my boy Be’lal too like he arguably had the best chance to just fucking kill Rand after ambushing him in the Stone instead he HAD to monologue about how good at Swords he is (while sword fighting! Babe we get it you like swords) like he’s not one of the most powerful magic users ever who could just …. magic him dead.

Least favourite is gonna be maybe controversial but I find Asmodean so boring I do not understand the fandom appeal. He’s a simpering opportunist who only tries to appeal to whoever is stronger than him at the moment (Lanfear vs Rand) and I don’t think he was genuinely interested in returning to the Light. Lanfear would have been a much more interesting and satisfying redemption arc if we were trying to redeem a Forsaken which like I don’t think we have to nor is a missed opportunity in the books. His death was so insignificant the mystery surrounding his killer also made no sense but it’s also like not a shocking reveal 🤷‍♀️

[butterflydm]

wot rewatch (book spoilers edition): 2x2

Additional thoughts that had too many spoilers to go into my earlier post will be found here. Spoilers for all the teasers and trailers, plus through book 13: A Memory of Light.

So one of the big questions that I have is: how much is Lanfear acting with Ishamael's knowledge and how much is she going her own way? Ishamael said in the Darkfriend social scene that he is still looking for Rand. If he's being truthful there (and he's talking to his minions, so there's really no point in lying), then Lanfear has not told him that she located Lews Therin.

2. I hadn't thought about this on my first watch, but @ladyofpembroke noted that Lanfear is probably in Rand's final dream in the next episode, so it seems possible that she actually has a hand in all his dreams. Constantly reminding him that he could kill his friends if he sees them again is a good way to make him want to stay where he is (with her) and not try to reconnect with his past life. Like any effective manipulator, she's keeping him isolated from his friends and family as much as she can.

3. otoh, we know from the books that being able to locate someone's dreams doesn't mean that you know where they are in the physical world, so this might be an Ishamael-influenced dream (I note that while Rand's visions of his friends has them wearing their S1 outfits, Ishamael is wearing his s2 outfit, which Rand hasn't seen), so this might be an Ishamael-influenced dream since he figures he might as well torment Rand in the dream if he can't find him irl.

4. Given that Rand is already hearing whispers, I wonder when the show plans to re-introduce Lews Therin to us in his own form. It might even be this season, if they wanted to make sure to keep a lock on the actor (or we might get another Age of Legends cold open -- though I note that we only had one cold open in this set of three episodes, though that might be because Rafe & co were aware that they would likely all air the same night so that might have affected their choices there - I'd love an AoL cold open where we get to see Lanfear and Lews Therin together).

5. So, did Rand find his way to Cairhien first and then Lanfear set up an inn in the Foregate to entice him to her, or did she set up her inn before he arrived and she figured out a way to lure him in? Either way, she's doing a much better job than the Lanfear in the books. She's much less suspicious than "random noblewoman who managed to appear in an unpopulated parallel world so that Rand could save her" and she's more subtle too. While the cringefail Forsaken in the books can be amusing, the threat level of the villains also helps tell you how seriously to take your protagonists, so I'm glad that they beefed up her threat level by actually making her effective. Right now, Lanfear is #winning on every possible level.

6. I love Errol because he serves several story purposes -- he's reminding us that Rand looks "like an Aiel"; he's serving Hurin's purpose in the story of giving Rand someone to look after and be protective of; he's teaching Rand sword forms because he was a blademaster; and he's giving us a bit of history about "the Aiel war". And the actor is quite charming. Plus he's used to show us both Rand's compassion and his need/desire to find mentors to help teach him the skills he needs. At this point in time, Rand does believe that he's defeated the Dark One and his nightmares are just nightmares but he does still want to learn how to protect himself and how to control himself.

7. We mostly hear indistinct whispers until Rand is walking down the hallway (it's the shot from the trailer) and it resolves into "Do you hear me? You are mine, Rand al'Thor." Which is very interesting. Our first inkling of Lews Therin? If so, it shows a greater awareness of Rand as a person than LTT's voice showed in the earlier books when it appeared in his head. I've speculated that this might happen, so I wonder if we're going to get more genuine back-and-forth between Rand and LTT than we really got in the books as a way of letting us into Rand's internal narration without him needing to pour out his heart to any of the characters around him.

8. I am actually loving Perrin getting Rand's plotline here -- it's working really well for him, being used to show us how Perrin can smell what happened in places so vividly that he's re-experiencing the past. I feel like if I didn't know this was Rand's original plotline, I wouldn't have guessed. It suits how they're exploring Perrin's character so well. I do wonder... Elyas speaks of Perrin experiencing a 'vision' -- I wonder if they're going to make the mystical side of being a Wolfbrother more distinct from what Dreamers do in this show version. Because it really was kinda... weird in the books how Perrin and Egwene are doing all this training in the same dreamworld but Perrin never runs across her or any of the Aiel Dreamwalkers, even once they're spending more time in the wetlands side of things.

9. The nailed-up Fade is used in the books to mark when Fain 'takes control' of the Darkfriends & Trollocs. I wonder here if it's meant to mark the moment when the dagger owns him more strongly than the Dark One does. Because the people of Shadar Logoth were not darkfriends -- and they focused on this in s1, too, because dagger!Mat is not a fan of the Fade that he meets in the farmhouse.

10. Love foreshadowing of Errol talking about "Aielman among us and no one bats an eyelash in the entire place" -- Rand is going to be bringing a lot of Aiel to the wetlands. I bet we're going to get to see some of these sword forms in the finale!

11. Liandrin does seem like she's becoming genuinely invested in Nynaeve. I like that (almost) everyone gets their own personal Darkfriend -- Nynaeve has Liandrin, Mat also has Liandrin (she's a hard worker!), Rand has Lanfear, Perrin has (remorseful) Ingtar, Moiraine has (double agent) Verin, Lan has (repentant) Tomas, and even Egwene gets a scene with Sheriam (who will get to be Her Darkfriend Among Us later on, if we're able to follow the books that closely when we get there), though she's not really the focus of Sheriam's attention. Everyone gets a little personal attention from the Shadow!

I like that Nynaeve gets rushed forward to the test for Accepted due to Liandrin wanting to teach her so badly. It seems more realistic reasoning than we get in the books.

12. Another big lie from Liandrin here about how Mat is here because they are "only observing" that the effects of the dagger are out of his system, which Mat immediately calls bullshit on. He's locked in a cell and only Liandrin is around -- that is not an official observation by any means. That's a prison. It's been six months. So I would put Liandrin's official lie count at two. Notably, she's only lying to Mat so far, who is both kept well away from other people and also doesn't really know as much about Aes Sedai (we know from Egwene and Moiraine's conversation in the woods in s1 that the people of the Two Rivers do not have the Aes Sedai oaths memorized).

13. My dearest, my darling, my deepest love is finally here! At the end of my reread, when I was ranking my favorite characters, Elayne was my number one favorite. Ceara is doing such a good job with her and the writing is also excellent. I love how many different sides of her we get to see in just these two episodes -- sheltered noble, awkward girl who grew up with no friends, someone familiar with the Tower but not familiar being a novice in the Tower, but a tinkerer (!!! so excited that they put this in so early) at heart and incredibly loyal and compassionate. I just adored her so much in these two episodes and I am looking forward to seeing more of her. I do really hope that, in the midst of all the chaos, that the show does manage to give her something of a meet-cute with Rand, even if it's less obviously romantic than the one in the books. But I'm really looking forward to more of her interacting with Egwene and Nynaeve, and hopefully meeting Aviendha and/or Min and/or Mat in the finale or before it.

14. I have zero issue with Sheriam not being a redhead. I think it's a good idea for the show to cut down on the number of redheads, given that Jordan says it's rare but then keeps giving us random redheads. Limiting the on-screen ones to the Aiel and the royal house of Andor seems like a good idea to me.

15. So first we got Perrin's letters last episode. Now, in this episode, Elyas tells Perrin that the soldiers he's with right now "are not your pack". While he could be talking about the wolves, of course, I feel like, as a viewer, that makes me think of the EF5 and how that's who Perrin belongs with right now. Especially after Perrin's letter talking about how he feels 'exposed' without the others around. Again, it gives me the hope that we'll get more moments of reconnection between the EF5 over the course of the show.

16. This moment with Verin is such a great one to look at knowing the truth of her situation. "Even oaths have loopholes one can exploit". She's the expert at it. Oaths are a bit of a minor theme in this episode and the next -- the loopholes and also, next episode, we're introduced to the Seanchan oaths where Perrin is, I assume, going to take the very reasonable position that a forced oath is not binding (which is the same position that Mat had in Winter's Heart but inexplicably abandoned in Crossroads of Twilight when he decided his accidental wedding vows were binding).

Oh! I knew I remembered hearing the words "Toman Head" in these three episodes but hadn't remembered it was Verin mentioning it! I thought it was noted as part of the Dark Prophecies but it's mentioned here as mainline prophecy. But the name is out there now. And this conversation also confirms "sword of flame" and "battle in the sky" for the finale, most likely, and a mention of a "branded hand" which feels like it confirms the herons. I wonder if Rand is going to use the same weave on his dad's sword that we saw Verin using at the end of the last episode for Tomas's sword. This may also mean that it's using that weave that burns the herons into Rand's palms?

17. The Rand and Lanfear scenes. Wow! But, yeah, I wonder how much her non-reaction to his bloody knuckles struck show-onlys. She doesn't ask him what happened, who he beat up. She just kisses his bloody knuckles and sweet-talks him into bed.

18. So far, we've heard/seen three separate form of violent teaching in the White Tower -- the unnamed woman who beat Moiraine to make her channel (likely Elaida); Liandrin's behavior with Nynaeve; and Sheriam telling Elayne that she'll be switched. Both Liandrin and Sheriam, of course, are Black Ajah. But from Egwene's reaction here, it doesn't seem like being ordered to be switched is anything close to the common punishment that it seemed to be in the books. But we'll see!

19. It does occur to me that Gawyn (maybe Galad too) might already have been in training with the Warders even if Elayne wasn't a novice yet -- Elayne has been spending her summers in the Tower and it's entirely possible that Gawyn's training to protect her meant he was sent off early to start learning from the best. We don't get any hints in this episode or the next about her brothers, but we're pretty focused on her developing friendship with Egwene.

20. "Min is in Tar Valon" and "Min and Mat share a plotline" were my two most hoped-for options for Min's storyline for this season, so I'm happy about that. I do wish that Min had been given a chance to bond with Elayne or Egwene but, hopefully, there will be time for that later. But I really love the set-up we've been given where we are going to explore Elayne with Egwene and Nynaeve; Min being more fully-explored with Mat; and then Aviendha when she enters Perrin's storyline. All of them are getting fleshed out as individual characters before any of them get romantically involved with Rand. I am feeling pretty hopeful that we're going to get our polycule (and a genuine polycule, not a harem) in the upcoming seasons. They've been putting in a lot of "poly relationships are valid and complex" groundwork in and it looks like they are going to be making sure that all of the characters involved get to be full characters who have their own agendas and their own arcs.

Some people on reddit are still pretty disappointed that Min isn't the male-gaze fantasy that she is in the later books but I have been thrilled with the changes that the show has done so far with her. We also maybe get a hint here that Min is going to be canonically bisexual by the way she jokes about Liandrin, so I will cross my fingers on that.

20. Min's viewing! I do love that they're massively cutting down on the number of Min's viewings to focus on ones that are interesting and relevant. This one is particularly interesting because there's nothing like it in the books. Mat stabbing Rand, then cradling him as he falls.

Theory #1: this is a flicker-flicker world (maybe we only get one big one?) and it's not Our Mat stabbing Our Rand but an alternate one.

Theory #2: Rand asks Mat to fulfill his promise to keep Rand from going mad and that's why Mat stabs him.

Theory #3: Rand loses control of himself (like Lady Amalisa in 1x8) and Mat stabs him to try to get him to lose his hold on the One Power.

Theory #4: Mat gets placed under compulsion (which would be another reason for him to want protection from Aes Sedai and channeling).

Theory #5: Mat gets The Dagger again and he's the one who gives Rand the wound in his side, while under its influence.

Theory #6: It's metaphorical and Mat takes the place of Alivia and helps Rand 'die' at the end of the series (seems unlikely but I'll throw it out there).

And probably lots of other things I haven't thought of. But it definitely shakes Min to see it.

I wonder if she only agreed to help Liandrin after this moment or if she'd already agreed and this is just additional incentive. I don't think she's told Liandrin anything about Rand. She was able to keep that secret from Moiraine even under blackmail so I think she kept it from Liandrin too.

But I do love that we get a viewing that connects Mat and Rand together, even if it's through a traumatic encounter. I am a simple soul who finds messiness intriguing.

21. Lanfear! Talking about her broken heart to the man who broke it and who she is, even now, doing her best to groom back into the man that she wants. The layers in this conversation are exquisite. When she tells him that he can't hurt her, she also can say that because she has a strong grasp of what she can do with the Power while he's still stumbling in the dark. Ooof, but Rand was (unknowingly) on risky ground when he confirmed that he does sometimes think of his past when he's with her.

Also, talking about how "no one else" could ever have power over her heart now that her previous lover is gone... when she's literally talking to his reincarnation. The conversation is just so rich and so sharp and there's so much of it that is going over Rand's head because he doesn't have the necessary information to even begin to put the pieces together. "What's left to hurt if he still has my whole heart?" she says, to the guy in question. "When I'm with you, I can pretend you're him." YEAH. I BET YOU CAN.

22. So I wonder if Moiraine's threat here to Lan, that she would let Alanna take his bond if he didn't let her leave on her own, is going to be the extent of the "Myrelle" plot point that Alanna absorbs and it won't actually happen in fact. But now it's out there as an idea that Warders can be forcibly bonded so that when Alanna forcibly bonds someone else down the road, the idea isn't coming out of nowhere.

23. I was so shocked when the Seanchan attacked in episode two. I was thinking this would happen in episode five. But once I sat down and thought about it, I realizes that Perrin has already hit all the main points of the Hunt for the Horn storyline on his side of things (and even partly on what Rand would have been doing). We've found the traitor and had Ingtar reveal his sympathy towards said traitor; we've found the Fade and the moment when Fain started playing by his own rules; and we've even been exploring Perrin and his senses. This does mean that we're going to have a lot of potential time to explore the Seanchan invasion and culture.

24. I don't have any issues with Ishamael openly being Suroth's advisor vs someone covertly giving Suroth her marching orders. High Lady Suroth is a Darkfriend and always was. We're just taking it out of the shadows and showing it openly to the viewers (and Perrin).

I do wonder if Perrin specifically seeing the Shadow and the Seanchan so entwined will have an impact on his later storylines. That I wonder about. But the later books were, tbh, really weird about how low-impact the Falme encounter ended up being in the long run for pretty much everyone except Egwene. Min basically forgets she knows anything about the Seanchan even when that information could help Rand, everyone forgets about the environment of paranoia and fear that the Seanchan created in Falme, etc. There's a lot of weird forgetfulness going around, especially in CoT & KoD, when Jordan wanted to sell us on his slaver romance.

(the way that the show has been improving characters like Min and relationships like Rand/Lanfear does give me a lot of hope in how they will handle Tuon and the Mat & Tuon 'romance' and that they'll make it better than the poorly-written dumpster fire that it is in CoT & KoD)

[morfinwen]

🍓, 🍄, 🪐, 🍬, and 🥐, please?

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I'm not really sure. My sister and i started inventing stories about Star Wars not long after we first watched the original trilogy, but those were never written down (i'm not sure we could survive the embarrassment if they had been!).

Funnily enough, now that i think about it, it was Star Wars that i think prompted my entry into "fandom" proper, specifically the Knights of the Old Republic video games. I'd been a fan of things before that, and interacted with other fans, but mostly incidentally, discussing them on forums where people met for other reasons. But KotOR was when i really started writing and reading fanfic.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favorite ships or pairings

There's a conversation you can have with Atton Rand in the second KotOR game where he complains about Jedi platitudes, and you can respond jokingly with more platitudes.

Post-game, Meaghan will pull out more "platitudes" on occasion, both ones she's invented and pre-existing ones that she's misusing for the situation. Usually it's when she's trying to get Atton to do something he doesn't want to do -- he's never figured out a way to respond that doesn't give her more openings for further platitudes, so he can never win.

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

Summertime. I love summer, and i love how frequently it's been raining around here.

My job. Don't get me wrong, i'd still rather stay home any day of the week, but i remember how felt last year, sick of my current job and eager to find another one, but worried about how long it would take, and that whatever i found might end up being worse. If i have to leave the house to get paid to do things i don't particularly want to do, i'd pick getting paid by this company to do these things over any of my previous jobs.

I've been getting a lot of writing done lately. Most of it not on the story that i need to finish by next month, or in any story that is likely to be finished any time soon, but, y'know. Progress is progress.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Obi-Wan sucks. He's a poor master to Anakin, a not-much-better one for Luke, and while he arguably means well, his intentions don't add up for much when he screwed up that badly.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

If i'm not careful, i'll get hung up on what precisely counts as an "internet reference" or "always makes me laugh", so here are a couple favorites from the Internet:

"'Road work ahead'? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does!"

"Bames Nond is having a stronk, call a Bondulance."

"It goes in the square hole."

"There are four rules."

"Why would you ask us, a narnia blog, this?"

Thanks for asking!

[markantonys]

a little part of me wonders whether egwene's trauma from being made damane will manifest itself in hostility towards nynaeve. nynaeve promised in s2ep1 not to leave her, and yet one might argue nynaeve's block on her powers led to egwene's capture - nynaeve would have been powerful enough to take out the seanchan and buy them some time to escape. on the flip side, nynaeve and egwene's relationship might become strained due to nynaeve's guilt over not being able to use the one power. she already looked upset at not being able to heal rand, so when she sees just what was done to egwene, she might start blaming herself. of course this could also give her stronger motivation for her s3 arc, which might be dealing with that block on her powers. just wondering what your take it because i really love their friendship and while i hope it continues i feel like what happened in s2 set the stage for some serious angst between them

ooh this is an interesting thought!! i could definitely see this happening. i keep seeing readers complain that the show making egwene free herself from the collar (in the books nynaeve and elayne free her) has "wrecked" her arc because it taught her that she can get out of any situation by herself...............but i'm pretty sure that's going to be The Point? like, i can easily imagine that egwene has "learned" that she must only rely on herself always in every situation, and maybe she might pull away from her friends as a result and not let them help her, or even grow resentful of them and basically go "you weren't there when i needed you and i got out of it all on my own, so guess what, i'm never going to need you again"

(and i know you haven't read the books, so never fear, none of what i've said is an actual book spoiler! i'm just doing pure speculation here based on what we've seen in s2, especially since the manner in which she escaped was so different in the show than in the books so Who Knows how that might affect her post-trauma reactions? but it IS generally in character for book!egwene to feel like she has to do everything herself - which we've seen in the show too, like how she feels she personally is to blame for rand's "death" because she personally wasn't strong enough to go with him to the eye and save him - so my only point there is that i'm puzzled by the readers who think that her basically getting Validation of the idea that she can & must do everything herself will interfere with her book characterization. in my view it will do the opposite!)

anyway, back to egwene & nynaeve! i'm also thinking about her line to elayne of "she said she came here to protect me, but where is she when i actually need her?" which nynaeve overheard. maybe egwene will feel this way again in the wake of her capture and resent nynaeve, or maybe not; at the very least, i'm sure that her saying "do something!" to nynaeve during the initial capture scene, nynaeve not being able to, and egwene eventually getting out of the situation by herself will make egwene not see nynaeve so much as a mentor/protector anymore and make her feel she's "outgrown" her! and i definitely think NYNAEVE will be haunted by that line of egwene's that she overheard, and feel like she failed egwene just like you said, because she thinks that she wasn't there for egwene when egwene actually needed her. and doubly so because she arrived too late to rescue egwene and egwene had already gotten out without her help, AND nynaeve wasn't able to help elayne or rand in the way she wanted - so she is definitely going to be going into s3 feeling like a huge failure and like she needs to work twice as hard as she already does to protect her kids, poor baby!