#but i know a lot of people called it Pandering

[thenotoriousscuttlecliff]

No matter how good X-Men '97 is, no one should be advocating for Beau DeMayo to be rehired until we know exactly why he was fired in the first place. Considering his history (he was previously fired from The Witcher for being toxic to the other writers), there's certainly enough to suggest that it was for something serious and Disney/Marvel is telling everyone to keep quiet about it to avoid bad publicity for their latest hit. It would also reflect really badly on them if it came out they put someone into a position of power who had just been fired from another show for toxic behaviour. After the first season is finished I wouldn't be at all surprised if more details eventually do start to come out.

[libraford]

(I have permission to share this.)

Text- from Walking Distance Brewing Company

Happy Pride month! We are here another year to celebrate Pride with you! Thank you for your love and support through a difficult year of slander and harassment. Your support has not just kept us afloat but has made us thrive! Our inclusive community isn’t here just for Pride - we’re here all year. It's not always easy being inclusive in town. The library, community organizations, and yes, even Walking Distance have been targets. In this post, we're going to discuss the attacks against the library and against us. Last June, the library had a pride book display [1]. On July 3rd, (now ex) city councilmember Deb Groat wrote an email to the library at the request of the Union Faith Family Coalition [2]. In this email, she wrote: “I am deeply offended by explicitly sexual material on display in the children’s section of our library. Shame on you and your staff for pandering to any social agenda in displaying reading material to children.” [3] Later on in the email she wrote: “The library may well want to pass a levy in the future, or have input in a community TIF.” [3] On November 27, 2023 - Deb Groat was joined by city councilmember Mark Reams in voting for a TIF that would divert money away from the library for 30 years. Luckily, the extension did not pass. [4] According to Union County Faith Family Coalition’s founder, Mark Reams is a member. [2] Deb Groat and Mark Reams vote together to divert money from the library. Let’s move on to us. In June 2023, we had a drag show. On July 8th, Mark Reams’ wife, Leslie Reams posted on Facebook calling Walking Distance “Little Epstein Island” [5] joining in the same rhetoric spread by the Union County Faith Family Coalition, who nicknamed us, “Walking Distance Grooming Co.” Additionally, on April 15th, 2024 - while on-shift at her job, Leslie Reams called us a “den of depravity bar [that] preys on children,” and called our bartenders and customers, “pedophiles” and “drunks.” Let’s be clear. Leslie Reams, the members of the Union County Faith Family Coalition, and their followers have never called law enforcement (to our knowledge) - something we would expect and want to happen if pedophilia was happening. Law enforcement has never been called, we suspect that even they know that it’s not true. We have heard many rumors, as bad as, “Walking Distance is full of pedophiles” to more innocuous rumors that hurt our reputation. Our guess is that the same people who don’t believe we’re pedophiles, but want to demonize queerness, also know their audience and are able to tone it back to do the damage they can. We saw sales dips directly following Leslie Reams’ statements. We have heard city council members echoing similar rumors. Last summer, we had around 10 citations against the owner’s house and the business from the city and council - none of these citations asked us to remedy anything (except for the one about mowing…oops), and in fact there were instances when the local officials said that we were doing everything right, but they are only reaching out to us because they had so many calls. The year prior, Walking Distance and the owner's house had 0 citations. We’ll never know exactly how much business we lost due to the slander against us. We do know, we lost a lot. Similarly, we’ll never know exactly how much the support of our community has meant. We do know, it meant a whole lot. The support has kept us afloat, and with time, it's made us thrive. We know that we have survived to see another June. And we are ready to celebrate it, in the face of the hate. There would be no pride with no hate. Looking forward to seeing you on Wednesday for drag BINGO; Saturday for drag brunch; and also visit us on Saturday during Marysville Pride. We have more Pride events this week and month, keep your eyes peeled! And even if it's not a pride related event, we are always inclusive. Oh, and there's a city council meeting next Monday, June 10th at 7PM.

[/text]

Here's some photos of the extremely offensive library display:

They haven't given a call to action yet.

So anyways, that's what's happening in a nearby town. Marysville's pride event is this weekend and if you'd like to show up for local queers its going to be a very fun time.

I'm thinking of grabbing some of my local gays and giving them our patronage, of course. Its somewhat unrealistic to ask strangers on the internet to do take a hike all the way to Ohio for drag bingo.

So I think I would just like to call attention to it- if this is happening in our area, its probably happening in yours too. If you were thinking of attending a drag show but were on the fence about it, I think you should. They're a fun time.

Being involved in the queer community can be as simple as attending a drag show. Or going to a silly queer-focused event. Or supporting a queer-owned business. Every little bit of support for your queer community counts!

[lycanm00n]

So, this is a good example of what's going on and why some of us are upset about it.

Obviously I've cropped out faces (though it seems to have been a pinterest photo) and usernames - but this was found on Tiktok, on my FYP.

This isn't an entirely false statement, and it's true for some therians out there - it wouldn't be fair to exclude the ones it does include - but using this kind of blanket statement is incredibly harmful to those of us who DO identify physically, and/or don't identify with humanity in some way. A lot of the physically identifying community, using myself as an example, still call themselves therians, and a lot of us still identify with the therian or otherkin label.

Saying "ALL therians know that they're human and can't change that" is not only a generally incorrect blanket statement, but is pandering to the side of our community trying to make us "less weird" and more palatable to humans and others.

Big breaking news moment - we are never going to be seen as normal. Things have definitely gotten somewhat easier as the community has steadily grown, but thinking that pandering to a set of people that already thinks we're weird outcasts to bully online is going to change anything is just damaging our already small community. You can't unweird what is inherently different - and that isn't a bad thing.

Turning therianthropy into something watered down and bland so the general public don't post mean comments to your page is just... pointless. In the end, it will only increase the gap between the watered down and the "uncensored" (i guess? idk) community, and make everyone miserable.

Do better, guys. We're in this shit together - if someone needs politely educating, do it. If they don't listen, leave it. Don't outcast your fellow community over trying to be "normal".

Quick addition - this isn't an "anti tiktok" or tiktok therian rant in the slightest, that just happened to be the platform I saw it on. It happens here too, just a hell of a lot less because tumblr is very.. raw in how its community tends to express animality

[valyrfia]

Why do so many F1 fans hate on Charles Leclerc? I, myself, am an "old time" so to say fan of the sport and while I appreciate the generations past, there is no denying his astounding talent and connection to the car. And yet when I started to get back into watching recently, I have seen nothing but distasteful jabs at his ability and his fans, along the lines of "he's just a model" and "only girls in love with him like him". Why is that, I really do not understand - not even as a fan of his, I'm just asking as an objective observer of motorsport

Thanks for your ask anon! I think there's two facets of it. There's the fact that Charles has a lot of expectations that haven't been fulfilled yet due to a variety of reasons and media that may already be skewed away from him doubling down on that, and quite frankly, there's a misogyny aspect due to the composition of his fanbase.

Focusing on the expectations aspect first, as I'm sure you'll probably know better than I will since I've only been watching F1 for a year or so, Charles came into Ferrari with an incredible weight to him already. Not only did he totally crush competition in junior categories but he was the youngest Ferrari driver in the 21st century (later to be usurped by none other than Ollie Bearman at the 2024 Jeddah GP) and he had quite frankly an incredible first season. He would have won Bahrain 2019 if not for the engine issue and he won Monza. This understandably gave Charles's name a gravitas and expectation unlike any non-WDC. I mean, his nickname is literally il predestinato, there is an expectation that Charles will bring the championship home to Ferrari.

Now, unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet. This has been due to a multitude of reasons, but mainly Mattia Binotto's terrible management, the effects of it we're still feeling years later.

An aspect of Mattia's management that people discuss less however, but I'm certain contributes to some groups having a strong dislike of Charles, is Mattia's complete inability to manage a strong driver line up. Ferrari has had an incredible line up, with Charles and Seb for Charles's first two years, and Charles and Carlos for the next three. A lot of the general population who dislike Charles are Seb supporters, feeling as if Seb was pushed out by this young upstart who hasn't even managed to bring the WDC and WCC home as promised. This is entirely due to Mattia losing control of the narrative. DTS encouraged this viewpoint, but media doubled down on it. Mattia also failed to manage each driver's expectations.

Similar is Mattia's signing and then subsequent management of Carlos. My dislike of the Carlos camp is well-documented, but Carlos is by no means a bad driver, in fact I think he's probably in the top six drivers currently on the grid. The issue is, he's not Charles. He doesn't have Charles's raw talent, nor any sort of similar mythos that the tifosi revere about Charles. Carlos on paper, is an excellent n2 to Charles's n1, and I think if Mattia had been honest about that in signing Carlos, I would like him a lot more. Instead, Mattia promised that Charles and Carlos were to be treated as equals, resulting in bizarre strategy calls like Silverstone 2022 where they sacrifice the race of their driver fighting for the WDC in order to gift the other driver a win, or having a championship car in early 2022 only to undevelop it because Carlos complained that he wasn't comfortable. It's frankly bad management, when Checo wasn't comfortable with the RB19 Red Bull didn't change their development direction, because the focus was on getting Max the championship. Ferrari needed Mattia to make a similar decision in 2022, but he instead chose to try and pander to all sides instead of enforcing a potentially difficult decision like a team principal sometimes needs to.

I've said that Sainz media is responsible for much of the traditional media smear campaign against Charles, whether that's them using links with Spanish media, or paying off various outlets, and now I'm putting that down to Mattia not managing Carlos's expectations correctly a couple of years ago, and now relationships have broken down to a point that they're pretty much irreperable, even if Fred is managing everyone's expectations correctly. Mattia's bad management from the car development perspective gives Sainz media an angle to smear Charles as well. 2022 was Charles's championship to lose, and he lost quite badly. It becomes quite easy for journalists to take the line of "oh well, is Charles REALLY a generational talent or is he all hype?", and then compare Charles and Carlos in frankly incomparable situations to make it seem like, at first glance, Carlos comes out on top (key example of this would be Bahrain 2024, where Charles had an insane brake imbalance and still managed to finish p4, but Carlos's camp were quick to point out that Carlos's brakes had cooling issues, which if you know anything about the sport you know that's comparing a mouse to an elephant, but a lot of people chose to ran with Charles and Carlos having the same issue, resulting in people applauding Carlos for a podium in a car that's undergoing normal race stress and decrying Charles for managing to finish P4 in a car that should've been undriveable).

The second aspect moves away from traditional media and to word-of-mouth and online perspective of Charles, although often the first point about Charles not yet living up to his il predestinato name is sometimes used as evidence. Charles's fanbase is female (at least outside of the countries of Italy and Monaco), and disproportionately so compared to other driver fanbases. And look, sure he's a conventionally attractive guy, we're not going to deny objective facts. But those who dislike Charles like to use the fact that he has an active female fanbase, along with the fact that he's conventionally very attractive, in order to mock Charles and his hype. "Leclerc is mid and people only like him because he's hot and women don't understand wheel knowledge" seems to be the current argument of MANY a Charles hater.

Ultimately, it boils down to thinking that his fanbase don't truly understand the sport, because we're majority women and CAN'T be in the sport because we enjoy it we MUST just be here for the hot man. Which is both untrue and fundamentally misogynistic. While Charles himself can't experience misogyny as a man, his fanbase of women certainly can and certainly does. Our voices are trivialised and counted out, and that in turn has an impact on Charles's public image, since people think that a majority of his fans don't have any actual knowledge of the sport (when in my experience, this is perhaps the furthest from the truth).

[lakesbian]

here's every way wildbow accidentally made pre-meiosis "russel" thorburn transgender that i can remember. if you can think of any reasons i forgot please add on

his parents named his younger sister "ivy," as if the obvious grandmother-pandering name "rose" had already been used up. blake theorizes that they used a male version of "rose" for PMT, but this is nonsensical--there is no male form of the name rose, and everything he comes up with as a possible option (in other words, everything wildbow came up with as a possible option) is a major stretch. most don't sound even tangentially like the name "rose." it makes far more sense to assume that PMT was afab and had the deadname rose. (this also makes sense on a thematic level wrt how rose thorburn jr is supposed to be the Real heir that grandmother is forcing blake to die for, but that's getting besides the point)

rose has memories of being harassed over the inheritance by her female cousins, and the idea of these memories just being wholly pulled out of thin air when basically everything else involves memories either being split btwn blake and rose or erased altogether is weird

blake is friends with, like. a lot of gay people. textually runs in poor gay artist circles. the idea of them adopting this weirdly cool cis straight guy is funny but it makes a lot more sense if PMT was trans + gay and only got turned into a straight guy (and a straight girl) yesterday, due to the homophobia demon

PMT literally thinks "Besides, why devote any more attention to your son, when you could just start over?  Have that beautiful baby girl you wanted, right?" which is also like one of the only pieces of internal narration we get from PMT in the entire story. first girl they named rose ran away and did some shit with their gender so now they have a second girl they can't name rose but can still try to raise to go for the inheritance

in the same chapter as when pmt says that, callan is like ohhh you think youre going to worm your way in-, implied sentence ending being "-to the inheritance," which is, like. the family knows it's going To A Girl. so.

PMT was childhood friends with paige, who is The Gay Cousin. it is deeply sensible to imagine them bonding over this, regardless of whether or not PMT (or even paige) knew at the time

it is, like, fully possible for a cishet dude to get sick of living with his shitty toxic abusive family and abscond at the age of 17, but also homelessness is an extremely prevalent issue among transgender kids in abusive families. the narrative of a transmasc kid growing up in an abusive, catholic extended family where girls are pressured to compete for a very gendered inheritance + leaving at the age of 17 & finding a new home among a bunch of gay artists is Significantly more compelling than the cis dude alternative. it just is.

okay i think im running out of, like, logical errors that make sense only if pmt was trans prior to the Obliteration, so as for the thematic stuff. like i said, rose being the half grammy decided was supposed to be "real" and blake being the half that's supposed 2 die for her 2 exist, rose just being unhappy and disconnected by nature of existence while blake is the parts of pmt that escaped from the constraints of the family + found happiness, so on and so forth. "catholic grandmother literally obliterated her transmasc nonbinary grandchild by splitting them into two binary gendered halves & expecting that the man they could've been die to allow the acceptable woman--literally forced to dress in grandmother's clothes--live on and do as grandmother wished" is Everything, doing the same thing but to a cis man grandchild is significantly less compelling

Others who r very old/operating on what are explicitly stated to be oppressive and antiquated gender roles as per the book's themes about inherited/traditional forms of harm keep mistakenly calling blake she/her and rose lmao

??? probably some other thangs im forgetting

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Ziehen

Chapter Thirty One

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela

Other characters: Zachariah, Crowley, Dick, Bobby, Sam and Benny

Word Count: 2053, with other media

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, still unbeta'd, talk of extra-curricular activities coming up, a thirst trap because Jensen has been unfair lately, Benny being a teddy bear, and Bela trying to make amends

Series Masterlist

“And between record store day and Phantom Traveler’s release, Q2 is looking to break records for us,” Zachariah droned on.

“Well, it’s the least they could do,” Dick added glibly.

You couldn’t roll your eyes, you were on camera, but you wanted to. Crowley didn’t reply, but Zachariah chuckled and took a beat to agree before going on down the line of his report. Bobby huffed, but kept a lid on it, which told you how much he knew Dick was right.

“Things are shaping up well with pre-orders and the appearances Bobby and company have lined up between Vegas and New Orleans with the album release.  should outshine their previous album sales by a wide margin,” Crowley tacks on, almost bored with the success.

You set that up, not Bobby, but you kept your mouth shut, nodding.

“Y’all can thank Y/N for that, you know,” Bobby said gruffly.

“Of course,” Dick agreed offhandedly, eyes darting down to other parts of his screen.

Thank God for Bobby. You simply smiled and kept listening.

“Sounds great, people! Let’s check back the week of the release to ensure we’re still on track. We’ve got a lot of numbers to move to get in the black here, but I see good things happening,” Dick smarmed and instantly sent a meeting invite for the following month. 

“Thank you!” you replied dutifully and closed the window for the chat. After accepting the invite and adding it to your personal calendar, you exhaled long and hard. You checked your phone, Bela had called again and left another two text messages. You ignored her. She could wait.

You called Bobby for a mix of mutual griping and to debrief about where that put you all going forward. 

Without even a greeting, Bobby started, “I swear they get dumber every quarter.”

“Tell me about it. Thanks for having my back in there, though, I was starting to see red by the end.”

“You and me both, darlin’.” Bobby huffed. “The amount of stuff you get done is amazing. Even without all the run-around from the last tour, you are doing more than anybody I’ve seen in your position. We appreciate ya, even if the suits can’t see past their nose jobs.”

You beamed.

“Thanks. So, what’s on the agenda for the week? I know Dean and Sam took Gibson and Pamela to the zoo.”

“Yeap. Got the Midway Museum tomorrow if you have time, got tickets for anybody who wants to go. Might be good time for pictures if you need some candids for the socials.”

You knew this was his way of telling you to come, he even gave you justification for doing it on so called work hours.

“Maybe. I might just steal some from the band. Too much to get done before the show on Thursday.”

“Well, you’re welcome to join us if you get caught up or not.”

“Thanks.” It felt like all you could say to him today. It was a small word with a lot of connotations, but you were grateful. You owed Bobby so much. Though he never gave anything he didn’t want to give or for any form of repayment. He was too good for this industry. They all were.

“I’ll keep you posted. I have calls with the next couple of venue coordinators today and then some event security stuff tomorrow morning with Benny for some non-venue signings and stuff.”

“You still want to do the battered women's shelter thing?”

“The domestic violence survivors fundraiser in Vegas? Absolutely.”

Bobby hummed.

“I know what you’re thinking, Bobby. And that’s exactly why we’re doing it.”

“Do you think it looks like pandering?”

“I think it looks like community service. And if I didn’t think Dean could handle it, I wouldn’t have signed him up for it.”

“Even after that little disappearing act on Saturday?”

“Dean is a domestic abuse survivor, Bobby. Part of what he’s gone through is accepting that.”

“Yeah, but Cas—.”

“Cas is still family. And he didn’t press charges. And you know Dean—- penance is something he needs to do for himself, too.”

Bobby sighed. “Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

“Trust me, this is still my good side.”

Bobby actually chuckled at that. “I bet! Okay, I should get going, promised the missus we’d hit the shops before dinner.”

“Have a good one.”

“Alrighty, bye then.”

You smiled at your desk as Bobby hung up. He was happy and Annie was good for him. It didn’t matter their pasts, they made it work, and made each other better along the way.

Which seemed utterly remarkable and unattainable for somebody like you.

But if anybody deserved it, it was them.

You put down your phone and pulled up Twitter, it was time to dig through the chaos and do what you did best: highlight the good, the band's synergy and the new momentum and bury the bad. 

Which seemed to include you this time around, unfortunately.

After Twitter, you tackled Insta, Reddit and even FB, though most people cross posted the same images and anecdotes, some people only used one of the bunch. And some only used them on pain of death, namely Dean. Meanwhile, Bela had posted a couple of great shots from the afterparties, which you liked as the band and as yourself. 

You were crabby, not petty.

And busy, damnit.

The next morning, Sam smirked at you when he caught your eye in the hotel’s gym. He was already sweating from running outside, but must have come back to stretch or work something more intensely. What you weren’t expecting was Dean to be hot on his heels, equally as sweaty, equally as mischievous.

“Trouble! How’s business?” 

You rolled your eyes and took out an earbud, not sure you really heard them.

“What’s up?”

“We’re gonna lift— you want in?” Sam was teasing you now.

You pedaled stiffly and shook your head. “Fuck no, I’m good here, got another ten mile circuit after this breather.”

“Suit yourself,” Dean taunted and grinned before he crossed his legs and touched his toes. What the hell? Luckily there was only one other guest using the elliptical, so they weren’t being complete nuisances, yet.

They weren’t even directly in your line of sight, otherwise it could have gotten awkward, and distracting.

Still, you felt them keep glancing at you, making faces, and even cheering for you when you shifted up with your ass out of the seat to get the best angle for the various hills. You flipped them off, but kept your eyes forward and your earbuds in place.

Thirty minutes later, you groaned and stepped off the stationary bike. Dean and Sam had been talking more than doing curls with the free weights, obviously being dorks about each other’s efforts.

Boys.

“Good workout?” Dean asked as you sanitized your equipment. Sweat clung to your oversized tank top, all down your back, and between your legs. Thank god you wore your black workout leggings today.

“Yeah? You?” You smirked as Dean made a show of extending his movements slowly and pointedly. Yes, Dean, your arms should be illegal, you thought.

“Good, uh— need help stretching?”

You looked at him a little dumbfounded and then back at Sam, who seemed just as surprised as you were by the offer.

“Nah, I’ve got my bands and stuff in my room. Though, I bet Sam would love to see you try and bullshit your way through a cool down routine,” you tacked on, trying to laugh off the offer. Inside you were imagining Dean’s weight against you, pushing your knees up and out, flexing your hip joints with his thick fingers digging into the meat of you…

“Hey! I was just being nice.”

“Dude,” Sam muttered.

You sighed and gave Dean an apologetic smile. “Maybe another time.”

You pretended not to hear the series of slaps that happened behind your back as you made your way to the elevator and your generic hotel shower.

Benny treated you to lunch after your video calls with the S.A.F.E. House staff and the one with the folks at the radio station who’d be interviewing the band the morning of the first Vegas show. 

“Saw your tweet on Cas’ post,” you added thoughtfully, midway through your shrimp po boys.

“Yeah, well, didn’t want him thinking he done wrong by us.”

You chewed and nodded, silently telling him that you got it, appreciated it even. 

“You hear anything else from the guys about the last show, you know, after Dean disappeared and, um, everything?”

You needed to know if the guards were loyal, but mostly you wanted to know what they had seen.

“Seemed pretty anticlimactic to most of them, from what I hear. Dean came through, sober and clean as a whistle. —Even the venue goons didn’t clock anything weird,” Benny pointed out before taking another bite, his teeth flashing in the afternoon sun.

After a few moments, Benny continued. “But, uh, that label stooge you got following Bela? He’s the one to worry about, really, seems to keep his cards close to the vest.”

Damn, you knew he was right before he even finished the sentence. Tiny would be the one to squeal to Crowley, or worse, Dick, at the end of the day. You wondered if you could buy him off or treat him in other ways while on the road. Bela wasn’t scheduled to be around until the second Vegas show, you had some time to figure out his motives. Or if he even cared at all.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”

Benny sniffed and looked around the small patio outside the restaurant. “Bela’s not really Dean’s girl is she? She some kind of clout pusher?”

You swallowed and took a long slurp of your iced tea, washing away the now muted flavor of your lunch. “I honestly don’t know anymore, Benny. They’ve definitely been enjoying each other’s company more than I expected.”

“Perhaps—- but don’t you worry none. She’s not the type you settled down with and he’s got eyes deeper than the cut of her fancy tops.”

You huffed. Benny certainly had a way with words.

“It’s okay, Benny— I’m not in a place to be jealous.”

He just raised his eyebrows at you and took another bite.

“I did this— I set them up. I’d guess you’d call it reaping what I sow or something?”

Benny nodded and shrugged. “Or something.”

“You won’t— you won’t tell anybody, right? His story is safe with you?”

“Doll, I’ve been covering that boy’s ass since before Lisa— I’m true.”

“I know, Benny, sorry—- it’s just so much posturing all the time. I just want to take pictures and show the world how badass they are. I want people to hear the stories behind the songs, because it shows they’re human too. Sometimes I wish—-”

“Wishin’ for rain in the desert aint doin’ anybody a lick of good. You know the score, you just gotta beat them at their own game. Dean’s a good man, he knows what’s real. Don’t think we all don’t know that, too.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime. Know who your people are, if you trust Bela— then she won’t let Tiny think anything is up. Friends have each other’s back against the world, right?”

“Right,” you agreed, suddenly feeling ridiculously immature for ignoring her for the past few days.

“Eat up, cher. It’s a long tour. You’ll need your strength.”

That was an understatement, but you dug in anyway.

“Y/N, listen— I’ve resorted to leaving you a voicemail. It’s come to that. I’m sorry. I am. I didn’t mean anything disparaging about you the other night— just maybe about how you treat Dean. Not that it's bad, overkill more like, but it’s not like you’re bad or weak for doing it.--- I know how much you loved her, Y/N, I know. Him too, it seems. I just don’t want you wasting so much of your life trying to make up for losing her. It hurts to see you so— subservient. You are so much more than an errand girl. So I’m sorry for my lack of tact. But I’m not sorry I brought it up. Okay? There. Call me back and yell at me properly already, Jesus.”

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

@brightlilith

@coldhearted93

@djs8891

@beautiful-places-blog

@n-o-p-e-never

@spxideyver

Chapter 32: Tronco

[sapphic-agent]

I'm having a lot of difficulty with what to do with Bakugou in my rewrite, like it would be cool to make him have a healthy rivalry with Izuku, but at the same time, that would be very cliché and that would only benefit his and BKDK stans. Since I'm planning my rewrite, the main focus is to give Izuku the love and respect he deserves, since his own creator never seems to have given him that, if you see, I'm thinking of how I can do it fair to the character of Izuku, besides, I'm thinking of making Bakugou just a minor antagonist (He's not even Izuku's main rival, I'm thinking of giving that to Shoto or Tenya), like Izuku showing Bakugou that he's not that boy who's going to accept the abuse he put Izuku through. But there are times the ideas I'm planning for Bakugou, can be something, how can I say… sadistic. Like I know he's just a teenager, but even so, I have no sympathy for him, him being a teenager doesn't make him any less of an abuser, that's something his stans don't accept and never will (I accepted that stans don't want think about it). So would it be good to follow these ideas or simply remove him from the story early and ignore his existence?

I will say this, it's entirely okay to redeem Bakugou.

Some of my favorite replies/reblogs are from people who actually like him but also agree with or see my points because they genuinely do want Bakugou to grow and be better. One person was even like, "I liked Bakugou because he had a lot of narrative potential that was wasted" and it's like YES. YES HE DID.

Bakugou's role at the beginning of the story was two things: to be an obstacle for Izuku to overcome and be a prime example of the privileged individuals of the society in MHA. If you have your narrative call out how better Bakugou was treated all his life and that it gave him the means to be as awful as he was, you're golden. Bonus points if the rest of 1A- most of whom would have experienced that same privilege- call him out.

As long as you aren't obstructing Izuku's development to pander to Bakugou's, you're doing well

[bruhstation]

You seem like a Train Professional so where would one begin in order to get into the funny little talking train show?

these are all my own opinions so take it like a grain of salt -- the common go-to would be the thomas and friends tv show. start off from season 1 then work all your way up to the top (not actually really. you can skip some later seasons like s17 if you want to). the model seasons are considered to be some of the greatest because 1) they set the foundation of the cast (besides the railway series books) 2) they contain some of the most iconic scenes from the show like gordon's ronan kirk crash, the flying kipper accident, james and the shoelaces, etc and 3) they're the originals so you know what their personalities and relationships to their peers were like and how their characterization was supposed to be like before the cgi era flip flopped them up

also check out the railway series books in the meantime! the funny talking train show was based on the book series created by reverend awdry for his sick son! the first book feature edward, henry, and gordon. thomas appears in the second book. fast forward decades later and britt alcroft created a tv show called thomas the tank engine. there are many eras of the show, from models, to model/cgi hybrid, to computer animations where the show gets passed around like a volleyball from studio to studio

here's a google spreadsheet that contains all the thomas and friends episodes in various languages. feel free to watch the show for yourself and decide which seasons you like the most

some more of my thoughts under the cut

I recommend you steer clear of the big world big adventures seasons and specials because it's probably the most controversial seasons in the fandom. replacing two of the core cast members, "pandering" to certain audiences, putting in lackluster representation for the sake of selling toys, SAID representation turns out to be racist depictions, all of it reflected the current state of mattel when handling thomas and friends. they also didn't contribute anything to the overall show, like by the time the bwba seasons were out, people dgaf and just focused on the older seasons. you can ignore bwba and you won't miss anything important about ttte. not that I'm stopping you! you have your own free will.

the thing about ttte that made many adults get into it (if not for train autism) is how ttte was a show grounded in reality. idk if that makes sense but basically despite being a show about mean talking trains for little kids, reverend awdry and britt alcroft handled the characters with care. they gave the engines so much charm by making them bicker with each other like the cranky old engines they are BUT they're not reduced to singular personality traits too. thomas is cheeky and kind of a meanie but he wants to prove himself useful. edward is old and acts as a mentor to thomas but he also wants to show that he still got it despite his old age. gordon went from being a pompous grand young express engine to a humble old engine being a mentor to the newer ones and so on! they also put a lot of historical references related to the engines' basis too and tie their backstories in (henry's a stolen faulty design hence his cynical, miserable personality at the early seasons of the show). there's even irl engines mentioned in both the books and show (flying scotsman and city of truro) and it's just neat!!! because awdry cares about history so much!!!! that he even made an "encyclopedia" about sodor, its railways, and its history

the books and the earlier seasons of ttte didn't shy away from themes of death and usefulness and all that (the story of godred, henry being a faulty engine and getting cask of amontillado'd for being uncooperative, all of gordon's siblings scrapped sans flying scotsman) because the thing about them being engines are important to them. it's their reison d'etre. they get scrapped if they cannot be of use anymore, because that's how things have always been. they get into accidents often because their ego got to them. dieselization is starting on the island of sodor and the diesels are asserting their dominance over the oldschool steam engines. the engines just exist there. they just happen to have faces and talk. idk. I think it's interesting how they view life a bit differently than humans. thank you for listening to my ramble

[gottagobackintime]

I find it fascinating to witness the straight audience of any media not being able to pick up what the makers of the movie/show puts down.

It’s like when people reacted to the “You wear fine things well” scene in Our Flag Means Death with “aw, they’re such good friends” whereas the queer audience went “omg, this is happening”. We all had access to the same scene, we’d all watched the build up to that scene but the straight audience wrongly read it as friends/straight whereas the queer audience had suspected they were building up to a romance but this was the confirmation. Even the creator of the show was baffled that people were surprised that Ed and Stede fell in love. Because he thought they had made it obvious.

And as I said, we, the queer audience picked up on it. And I feel like the same thing is happening with Ted Lasso. Do I know that Ted and Trent will get together? No, I am unfortunately not a writer on Ted Lasso. But you can’t deny that there are clues pointing to it. But the straight audience barely pick up the fact that Ted and Trent like each other, be that in a platonic way or romantic way. I’ve seen several reactions to the last episode of season 2 and ONE of them included the scene where Ted reacts to Trent not being in the press room. All of them severely cut down the scene in the parking lot. One of the scenes most of us Ted/Trent truthers point to as a huge piece of evidence for it going canon. The parallel of them meeting in an empty parking lot, just like Ted and his ex-wife and Roy and Keeley. But because Ted and Trent are both men it couldn’t possibly mean anything. And Ted has an ex-wife and a kid so he can’t possibly be into men, as if there is no such thing as being bisexual. “But I’m pretty sure Trent has a family, he has a kid right?” So? He could be divorced, we also have no idea if his daughter has another dad or a mum. And the same thing applies to him, it doesn’t mean he can’t be into men (take also into account all of James Lance’s interviews, and his choice of shirt in one of them, friend of Dorothy anyone? He's the captain of this ship, we're just along for the ride tbh.)

Then we have the wonderful “I’m so not homophobic, in fact, you are homophobic because you think Ted is gay just because he likes musicals and has ‘feminine’ traits” um no… it’s the fact that he kind of acts in a way that an ally wouldn't. Yeah, he called himself an ally in that one episode. But every single person who is now out as queer who at one point considered themselves an ally because "I’m not one of them but I sure think they're neat" raise a hand 🖐️ (been there, done that. Was very into queer things before I realised I myself am one of them). What it always comes down to is "it's pandering", "it's tokenism" (having the main character on the show be queer wouldn't be fucking tokenism), "not everything has to be gay", "why can't men just be friends, there is a severe lack of male friendships on tv". And like the last one makes me go??? There are a MILLION friendships between men on TV. There are even multiple friendships between men in Ted Lasso. Beard and Ted, Ted and Higgins, Ted and Roy, the himbos and so on. Having Ted and Trent become a couple wouldn't really change anything because there are still friendships between men. They also claim that Ted is needed as the "straight without toxic masculinity" representation. As if Beard isn't right there. The man who has no problem going to an immersive show about the menstrual cycle. Has no problem with shrieking when he's surprised and so on.

I also like that if we'd get Ted and Trent together, we'd get two middle aged queer dads. Which isn't that common. It's not even super common to see people realising they're queer late in life on TV, and yet it happens every day. Because let's face it, most queer men on TV kind of look like Colin, and I don't mean that as a bad thing. And I'm looking forward to his storyline. But it's also nice seeing middle aged or old people finding themselves and being allowed to be who they are (see Ed and Stede from OFMD). Also would enjoy seeing people lose their minds when they realise they've been fooled this entire time. It'll be like Black Sails all over again.

I do not have any doubts about the fact that, had Trent or Ted been a woman and they saw Trent give up his career because of Ted's influence, they sure as hell wouldn't protest people thinking they'd become a couple. But because it's two men it's just delusional for some reason (homophobia).

What I'm saying is, it's clear that the straight audience has a hard time picking up subtext and clues that the makers are planting. Because they've never had to do that. Because they are always clearly represented. They don't have to look for minor side characters and hope that they might be queer. Because the main character is straight and most of the supporting cast too. When you've grown up with a lack of representation or with representation that is meant to be subtext, you'll learn to pick up on it. And you do look at media differently. I just wish that the straight audience could listen to us for once, without getting defensive and dancing around the fact that they are uncomfortable relating to a character that turned out to be queer.

[dark-elf-writes]

“Slytherin isnt bad,” the red headed boy on the train says to Harry. “My brother Percy is one. According to my other brothers Fred and George, nobody does anything without his say so.” Ron grind. “Malfoy is in for a sore surprise when he gets in and they don’t just pander to him. Bet he’s expecting it.”

Percy, who stopped by to check on his youngest brother and summoned Neville’s toad. Who had offered to place a small spell on their door to prevent people who just wanted to see the Boy Who Lived from finding them.

(Percy who looked at his youngest brother and saw a badger instead of a lion. Who'd already pulled the twins aside before to tell them it didn't matter where they went. Who had been the first to clap when two redheads went to Ravenclaw, their love of knowledge even it was to learn to prank leading them.)

Its a different Harry sitting under that hat.

(sorry couldn't resist)

Harry who gets support and care from the moment he meets the Weasleys.

Who makes a friend over a pile of junk food and failed spells. Who laughs so hard he nearly chokes on a chocolate frog when Ron makes a face at whatever terrible flavor of bean he got. Who is still feeling light and bubbly with joy when they talk about houses and Harry confesses he’s heard some… things from Hagrid that he didn’t know how to feel about (as kind as Hagrid had been, Harry had never trusted a word from an adult’s mouth. Adults lied all the time whether on purpose or because they had lied to theirselves so much that they tricked themselves into thinking they knew the truth. Adults had lied about him for years after all, accused him of things he didn’t do or called him bad for things that Dudley made up. Why would he trust them?).

Ron, surprisingly, gets serious at his words. Sits up straight and looks at him with those deep blue eyes and a smudge of dirt on his nose.

“No house is all good or all bad. My brother told me that, and he’s pretty much always right. Percy has been in Slytherin for years and he’s not dark or evil or whatever. He still holds Gin when she cries and fusses when I try to eat dessert before dinner. ‘S just a place, innit? Places don’t make you bad just by being places.” The serious mask cracks and suddenly Ron looks just as impish as his brother had when they had been yelling about toilet seats. “‘Sides, Percy is there. If anyone could turn a bad place good it’s him. Even tossers like Malfoy won’t stand a chance against him.”

Harry isn’t so sure how one person could make an entire house good (the train was bloody massive and if even a forth of the people on it were Slytherins what was still a lot of bloody Slytherins). Or at least, he wasn’t until he met Percy Weasley.

He was already in his robes, perfectly pressed and unapologetically green around the edges as he eased their door open. He takes in the sight of them, still red faced with joy and surrounded by sweets and wrappers alike, before tossing a wrapped sandwich (different from the smashed one Ron had pulled form his pocket earlier, perfectly preserved with Ron’s name written on it in a meticulous hand) to Ron with a pointed look.

“Eat something of substance, and try not to ruin your dinner, Ronald. Do share with your friend too. The two of you need something other than sugar in you or you will both be sick halfway through dinner.”

Percy didn’t seem evil. A bit fussy maybe, protective certainly after he had headed off a group of giggling older girls whisper Harry’s name and peering into compartments, downright kind when he had helped Neville find his toad and had passed it back to the trembling boy with steady hands and a soft look that screamed older brother. He just seemed like a person. A nice person even. Harry could have picked him and Ron out as brothers even without their matching noses and hair.

Harry thought he liked him. Even if he was getting close to being an adult.

It was Percy’s expression as he handed Neville his toad and Ron’s voice in his ears (“Places don’t make you bad just by being places.”) that Harry held in his mind as the hat fell over his eyes and a voice resonated in his head. An adult voice. Did hats count as adults?

“You would thrive in any house you know,” That voice croons too close and too loud in the space between his ears. Harry was definitely regretting all the pumpkin pasties before dinner now. “But you already seem to have your mind made up.”

Cunning and ambition weren’t bad. Weren’t evil. They had kept him alive after all. Had kept him one step ahead of his relatives and the bullies and everyone else that wanted to hurt him. And places were just places. And Percy Weasley wasn’t evil.

Harry Potter held his head high (not that anyone could tell with the hat dwarfing him) as the hat screamed its decision to the room.

“SLYTHERIN!”

Ron’s voice broke through the stunned silence, hooting and cheering as he jumped around in the dwindling group of unsorted first years. Three more voices joined his, just as delighted, just as kind, just as loud. His brothers from both Slytherin and Ravenclaw, filling the silence with their joy for him. With their celebration of who Harry was despite what others might think. After another heartbeat there were big booming claps from behind him, Hagrid, celebrating him even through his general nervousness around Slytherin.

They were the only ones who cheered. Harry didn’t mind as he handed the hat back and claimed the seat Percy had cleared for him under the heavy eyes of the headmaster and the rest of Hogwarts.

(Harry made sure to cheer just as loud for Ron when he was sorted into Hufflepuff, shouting until his voice strained and Percy nudged a cup of tea toward him with a pointed look and a smile that took away all hear that might have been behind it.)

[fulltacs]

pardon me can you explain “pick-me behavior”

also fuck puriteens/purity culture

sure! a “pick me” is someone who will loudly proclaim that they’re 1) nOt LiKe OtHeR gIrLs and 2) put down others to make themselves look better in the eyes of the patriarchy

it’s been in our lingo for a while but nowadays I see younger people on tt using it to describe allllll kinds of behavior— someone said liking pink was pick me behavior and I had to tell myself it was rage bait. it’s still a very concise way to call out ridiculous panderers, but it has almost come to a point where decrying something as “pick me” behavior is the accuser’s way of putting themselves on a moral pedestal.

therefore I think it’s becoming a loaded word (becoming weaponized like a lot of therapy speak) which is why I was half-joking when I made that post. like, I know using that phrase is gonna cause some upset. but I’m sure anyone can see how “pick me” behavior itself is veeeeery in line with the worst kind of virtue-signaling.

a pick me is performing in the hopes of drawing attention to themselves. unfortunately these people don’t recognize that anyone praising them is gonna be deeply misogynistic, because in their minds, that attention received is positive.

[gacha-incels]

The "if there's men I don't play" situation in CN is actually funnier than it sounds.

So, the thing about CN is that a lot of players like to track their favorite game's revenue, and playing a game with high monthly revenue can somehow make them feel better about themselves.

And these dudes' ideal game is kinda like those bullshit isekai clones where the player character is the only man living in a world full of conventionally attractive women whose lives centered around them and them only.

There fellas were loud so a lot of gaming companies chose to pander them. One of the more well-known game, the literal gospel for these dudes, was Snowbreak: Contaminant Zone (Imma call it SCZ for short). It's one of those softcore porn game targeting dudes who are too repulsive for real women.

And SCZ's revenue got steam rolled by Arknights, another CN game knows to have lots of women players and an active fandom composed of mostly women, every single month. Like Ak isn't some saint game made by saint company, but they do have record of firing male employee for engaging in hate speech against women using one of the company's social media account, so they had a relatively decent reputation among gaming women in China comparing to other companies.

So the SCZ dudes gets salty for not being the "silenced majority". They launched an attack on the game, spamming discussion forums when Arknights released a male character (Ulpianus), who debuted like a year ago and was presented in multiple story updates, this May, attempt to stir up community problem by pairing him up with a popular female character(Skadi) who was released at launch.

Now here's the problem. There are some dudes who want male characters out of Arknights completely, but they're like, 1% or something. Most people who played doesn't give half a rat ass about SCZ dude's big problem with fictional men existing.

Furthermore, the two character they attempted to pair together already had plenty of build-up to their relationship, and both the story's narrative and the fandom treat their relationship as teacher-apprentice/father-daughter. So their attack was largely viewed as "out of nowhere" and "ridiculous". They were also ridiculed by the community, people just kinda take their words and made a bunch of copypasta about popular ships in the fandom out of it.

And Arknights's playerbase was huge. It launched at the best time for mobile games in CN and it's the few weeb game that people who aren't into anime or gaming heard about or played. Heck it was even viewed as some sort of cultural phenomenon that influenced the UI, art style, story etc. of mobile games that comes after it. So the playerbase was huge, and the majority of it wasn't even aware that there was an attack at all.

So yeah the attack was as big as an ant bite on an elephant at best. Then these dudes go back to their little echo chamber enjoy their self-declared victory on Arknights. Then life continuous on as usual.

Also these dudes seems to have found a few more new CN exclusive gachas and called praised them too nabraska and back for not containing male characters in promotional trailers, only to be supersized by like one or two playable dudes at launch. Those lads were seething in the comments.

Also the Japanese Himedanshi/Himejoshi(people who enjoys yuri) community mistakenly interpreted their goal to be "only lesbian relationships allowed, no hetero bullshit". Funniest shit.

the snowbreak game is crazy lol truly the future of incel gacha. I feel bad for the women who just wanted to see lesbian relationships.

I’m glad they could be totally ridiculed humbled even though AK pulled this shit on their KR server which was never addressed by Hypergryph. This is at least really funny though. These guys seem to always try this “cuckolding” bait with the characters to make people riled up specifically within these Chinese incel gacha communities. I’ve seen the craziest shit recently looking into the newest clusterfuck going on with them and that Genshin Impact character “Wanderer” they seem to hate to an insane degree. after this I looked up their upcoming white pharaoh ™️ banners, it’s so many female characters and they still lose their shit like this about existing male characters… I think there was also a huge blowup with “Girls Frontline 2” with some assumed cuckolding issue, and the CN Blue Archive server literally had to issue an apology for doing a collab with the game Mahjong Soul because the BA players thought they were being cuckolded by the MA players

I don’t want to get too deeply into the more niche aspects of it because it’s not the main focus of this blog and I feel like I’m falling down a rabbit hole of info lol. but when I have a little more time maybe, just so I know I won’t be rushing and using a place like reddit to double check things. But thank you to everyone who has sent info, it’s been interesting to read about and see how it compares to the other movements chronicled here. It’s been hard to find some of this information in English so thank you to everyone who has ever sent a message for writing to me in English as well. Thank you for your patience. I’m trying to learn Korean on my own now so I can actually speak with Korean feminists in their own language and read their works without machine translation….

[unseemingowl]

About this plagiarism and misinformation business

Amongst all of the schadenfreude over James Somerton being put out to dry for being the plagiarist bullshit-spewer that he is, I just want to underline – no, double underline! – the point that he’s not the only one.

As Hbomberguys’ video rightly points out, this is a widespread issue on youtube (or on any of the decentralized media platforms really – podcasts are another excellent example). Even though James Somerton is a particularly egregious case for stepping all over people from his own community and the way he panders to some of the worst impulses amongst the leftist echo chambers.

Now I love a video essay as much as the next person, Todd in the Shadows, who does the fact checking video of James Somerton, is a creator whose music criticism I’ve greatly enjoyed for years for example, but man…

I cannot help but feel that the way that the established visual language and structure of the youtube video essay has made it a lot easier to hide in plain sight. Actual good producers have done the heavy lifting that these fakers are cloaking themselves in to pass off their work as legit.

Like, I wish that the rampant misinformation or plagarism in James Somerton’s videos was what made me tune out after watching a video or two of his. It wasn’t. His videos had the superficial signifiers of a competent video essay production on topics that I did not know much about. What it didn’t have though was a host with any kind of charisma, and there was something decidedly off about the tone – as far as I recall I checked out of the Jeffrey Dahmer video because the tone was just so… I wanna say vile. If I want to be generous to myself, maybe it was the bullshit I was picking up on, but maybe not.

That’s of course not the fault of the good video essayists who have elevated the genre, but it does put a much higher demand on viewers to engage their critical thinking skills. Which goes for podcasts too by the way. It sucks, I know, sometimes I’d love to just kick back and relax and let myself be a vessel for fresh information too.

Now, I’m not an academic, so there are people much better at speaking to the intricacies of academic citation than I am, but I have spent the better part of ten years in journalism and media. I generally don’t speak much about this on tumblr, because frankly, that’s not why I come onto this site, but unsurprisingly, that means I fucking care about the topics of proper sourcing and misinformation. And a lot of these plagiarists and bullshit-spewers are trying to pass themselves off as doing proper journalism and being documentarians. They are - it should go without saying - not.

There are definitely people on youtube who have researchers working with them, and editors who do more than just figure out which kind of transition to use. But a lot of them don’t. Because it’s expensive. And why should these people do that? They’re not ashamed of what they’re doing! A lot of these actors even want to spread misinformation. And we're vulnerable now that we're heading into a big - BIG - election year. There's a reason why the EU are trying to force the big tech platforms to scale up on misinformation efforts rather than scale down.

That’s why big media organisations are good actually, as much as I know it’s popular to hate on them here on tumblr. Because big media organisations can afford to employ fact checkers, editors and researchers.

And no, big media is not infallible by a long shot, but here in my country at least, we have a press ethics committee, strict guidelines we need to follow, hard limitations on how much we can source from the work of other journalists. We are forced to acknowledge when we fuck up, we can’t just smokescreen everything on social media and claim that people were harassing us when we’re being called out for getting the facts wrong.

I have had to make corrections in my articles before, and it sucks, it’s embarrassing – and I’m very willing to be proven wrong here too. But these people are peddling half thought out or worse, willfully or ignorantly misinformed bullshit. And again, I wanna stress, they are not ashamed of doing that. They don’t care about integrity of information or journalistic ethics.

I don’t know, maybe I am just becoming a grumpy old person, but I do sometimes wanna despair about the trends that the new media platforms have created.

Like, these media platforms obviously have their merits. The main reason I watch video essays is largely to listen to inputs from lgbt+ creators and/or creators of color, because yes, both are heavily underrepresented in traditional media, but there is just so.much.noise now that those voices are drowned out more and more anyway. By grifters like James Somerton, or those like him - or worse than him! People who know how to game the algorithm. Enshittification is making it harder to find those voices. So I cannot help but feel that the focus should not be to put more power into these decentralized media platforms, but make sure that lgbt+ people, people of color and women have better access to seeing themselves represented in media and/or make sure they have access to proper media jobs – and the same thing goes for academia or publishing for that matter.

Anyways, I am actually angrier now than when I started writing this, but if you made it this far into this rant, this is your reminder to go read the BBC or The New York Times or something too, and not just get your information off of video essays. 

I'd argue that the most valuable currency we have in the current climate is healthy critical thinking skills.

[irbcallmefynn]

Okay this is a very hard post for me to make but i feel like i have to make it. I can't be quiet about this any more. I can't keep saying it where nobody will see it because i need people to see it. If the friends of anyone mentioned in this post want to send it their way, feel free. This is not a call-out post. This is an apology, and an ask for explanation.

I want to preface what I'm about to say with: I'm not mad at anyone mentioned in this post. I don't think anybody in The Creachures is. We all miss you and wish things could've worked out. I'm sorry if what I say comes off as hostile or aggressive, I'm not great at wording this sort of thing, and it's coming from a place of much emotion.

@hexedbug @juneibyou @xxthunderthedragon @bobisnotaperson @razzytism

You five have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety in not telling me what i did to hurt you. You haven't given me the opportunity to improve upon myself or correct these transgressions, or even apologize to you. I'm sure you're all at least somewhat aware of how I handle feelings like this, and I understand you not wanting to pander to me or hurt yourself by putting up with me and my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. But you all let me down very harshly, and I've been unable to move past what happened because of it. You've made being on Tumblr miserable, to the point you're making me consider quitting Tumblr, because being on here and seeing you constantly and feeling that sense of hatred hurts, especially when you're being closer to my friends than they are with me. I've been told you don't hate me, but it's hard to believe and accept that when, in my head, you've all decided to block me for unknown reasons, and denied me the ability to apologize.

Hexed. I understand you find what I post about weird. And I understand I was interacting with people who "dragged the server down". You're the one I understand the reasoning of the most. Not following me back because you don't like my posts is fine, though you could've just blocked tags/post content about that stuff. If I was tagging things improperly you should've told me so I could correct it, instead of letting it sit inside you until you couldn't handle it. I get I was encouraging people to vent in Tau Heximus 2, something you didn't want. But again, you should have said something, or done something. I contributed to making your server a place you didn't enjoy. I feel like you wanted both a strictly positive place, and a place where people can be honest and close, two things that don't mesh. I chose the one that I enjoyed more, a close, honest community. I'm sorry I went against your wishes.

June. When you left the server, you said that "Bug Squad" were real ones, and that you still liked us. You then went on to call us and our friends Delusional for starting a new server after the old server's death. That hurt immensely. I understand you were in an emotional place, but using a word like that is not acceptable. You also went to my girlfriend's private vent blog to target it directly. You're the only one I ever blocked, because you were being actively hateful, and betrayed my trust directly. I have since unblocked you, though, because I'm not mad at you, not anymore. You were trying to cope with what happened, and I get it. I just wish you handled things more gracefully and politely. I'm sorry for whatever I did to hurt you, besides joining a new server. Just, please, work on your emotional control some, so outbursts like this don't happen again.

Thunder. You're the one I miss the most. I felt so close to you. You almost felt like a brother to me. But the way you've been avoiding bringing up what I did to hurt you makes me feel like you either don't want me to know what i did, or don't know what I did yourself. I just wish you'd be more open to talking, so we can work things out. I'm so sorry for hurting you.

Bobbu. I thought we were still friends when you invited me to join Art and Slimes. I turned it down because I don't think I could handle a server of that size, and had already joined the new server. While we maybe weren't as close as some of the others, I still considered you a friend. I'm sorry for whatever I did.

Raz. I am so, so sorry for everything that happened. TH2 was the only place that you had found comfort and support in to such a degree, and I've been worried about how you've been without that support. I feel like you used to trust me a lot, enough to confide in me about some of your issues. I wish I knew what I did to betray that trust.

There's three others I wish to bring up that haven't hurt me as bad, but I still wish to say something to.

Mars, I'm glad we're still friends. But it feels like you're less a part of Bug Squad than you are Hexed and June's friend group. I'm always worried about the state of our friendship, since you interact with them so much more than Me, Rico, and Tetra. I just feel excluded and neglected, is all. I'm sorry.

Yaza, I don't know how to feel about you. You're clearly more of June and Hexed's friend than mine. Clearly you don't like the new server because we kept bringing this stuff up in the early days, and I'm so sorry for that. I just wish we could still be friends. Because right now it doesn't feel like you want to be my friend.

Eblu. I don't know what to think of you. You're a good guy, really. But when you say you're my friend and then turn around a few days later and say "if you're friends with [close friend of mine] don't interact with me" I have issues with that. Deciding that everyone who's friends with someone is now bad because they made a mistake is not okay. Yes, it was bad that it happened. Yes, that friend should've been more careful. You are valid for being upset by what you saw. But you don't have to declare everyone who likes that person undesirable. You took it too far.

There are two things I did that I feel I need to apologize for that I actually know of.

When Tau Heximus 2 was dying, I had said that killing the server would kill me. That was disgusting of me. I should not have said that. It was emotionally manipulative of me. I was scared, and confused, I had never experienced something like that before, the loss of somewhere that felt like home, it really felt like I was going to die, and I spoke with my heart instead of my head. If this is what I did to hurt you, I am deeply sorry for saying something so uncomfortable. I'm doing my best to keep my emotional responses under control. And I hope that should anything like that happen again, I won't have such a dramatic response.

I would also like to apologize for being so difficult to help. Whenever I'm offered advice on how to improve or fix something, I have a habit of coming up with excuses, or just flat out rejecting it. I don't mean to come off as ungrateful or opposed to your help. Stressful situations cause me to mentally shut down in a way where anything to help that takes even a slight amount of effort becomes an insurmountable task. I'm trying my best to be more receptive of help, even if it's just agreeing that it would help. I just wish I had the means and energy to actually act on the advice. I am so sorry for anyone who I've hurt by denying your help. Offering me advice does help me mentally, because it lets me know people care, but I feel terrible that I hurt people by not being able to accept and act on the help.

This isn't a call-out post. This is me asking for clarification on what I did wrong, apologizing for what I know I did, and wishing to clear things up.

Thank you for reading.

[sepublic]

            I’m probably late in suggesting this but… King James I published a whole book about witches, a guide of sorts, called Daemonologie. Published in 1597, it saw another reprint when he became king in 1603. James was said to have a fascination with witches and demons, to the point that it’s claimed Shakespeare wrote in an additional scene with the witches in Macbeth to pander to James’ tastes. The thing is…

         James thought witches were evil. And his Daemonologie book explained how to recognize witches, how they worked, the animal familiars they used, all that stuff, ultimately to give witch-hunters an idea of how to find and kill them; Because the main solution to witchcraft in this book was execution. Daemonologie was meant to expose the existence of witchcraft to the common people, and prove it.

         Philip and Caleb Wittebane entered Old Gravesfield in the year 1613. Just a decade after the Royal Re-Release of Understanding Witches (So you can kill them). Philip documents a lot of the stuff he sees in the Boiling Isles, to a scientific degree, cataloguing, categorizing, etc. And in the first diary entry we hear, Philip ruminates on how he wishes humanity could see the Boiling Isles and understand…

         @fermented-writers-block already suggested this to me a while back, the idea that Philip initially wrote his journal as proof of witchcraft and especially the demon realm’s existence, so he could convince people to help him eradicate the alleged threat, and/or prove he went on a successful crusade that saved the world. Granted, the people of Gravesfield seemed like earnest believers by that point, but I can imagine Philip taking real-life inspiration from King James I to convince others around the globe, who may not be as receptive to his claims.

         Anyhow, I think it deeply re-contextualizes our understanding of Philip’s diary entries in a complete 180 way; Most of us were under the initial impression that Philip’s fascination stemmed from a place of genuine wonder, curiosity, and appreciation for the Boiling Isles. But knowing he’s a witch hunter, it seems his interest came from a place of condemnation; Wanting to understand the witches so he could kill them. Whether James actually believed in witchcraft, I’m not sure, but to Philip, it was lore contributing to his favorite game of destroying the Bad Guys; Cowboys VS Indians, basically. The Collector accuses Philip of having fun destroying Grimwalkers, and they’re not even his main target.

         It’s a borderline fetishistic attitude towards witches; Philip is enamored, he wants to know and understand and figure them out. But he’s so deeply committed to dehumanizing and hating them, wanting their utter annihilation. Witches exist as the enemy NPCs in a video game where Philip immerses himself into their lore and in-universe dialogue, even as he slaughters them in droves. It’s a sick and sadistic pleasure at the expense of others he loathes, paradoxical in the way fetishization is; Philip’s previously-shown interest is not a contradiction, at least not from a writing perspective.

         It works as a way to trick the viewer while still making total sense. A brief outside glimpse might suggest to the unsuspecting that Philip DOES like witchcraft, but no, he’s an objectifying colonizer who wants to own and appropriate, not learn and engage with on the same, humble level as a learner. Philip sees himself as a conqueror looting knowledge instead of riches from his victims, and he gets just that from people like Luz and the Collector.

         He doesn’t really understand what he’s playing with and he doesn’t want to; He’s the White Dude who indulges in ethnic stereotypes and cuisine, in the tourist-y commodification of cultures, while at the same time voting for minorities to be outlawed. I would even compare Philip to a trophy hunter, knowing all the stuff about his prey, writing comprehensive guides… all for the purpose of how to kill and destroy them, as part of some big game.

        I get the feeling that Philip ultimately WANTED witches to exist; Because if he was truly genuine about saving the world, about protecting people, it’d be a relief to find out there was no threat after all. But Philip wants for there to be a threat, never mind what it can pose to others, because then he gets to be the hero!!! He gets to be chosen one who goes on a sick adventure beating people up! He goes on rants about a hidden threat beneath our very eyes, not because Philip actually wants to warn people, but because he sees this as his opportunity to be the savior; So really, Jacob Hopkins IS Philip, isn’t he?

[gumballavocadoharry]

Estrangement (follow up) 2:

*Mentions of child neglect, emotional neglect, PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder) and unsupportive parents*

It's been a weeks since the Publisher Awards......and my pettifoggery with dad. Well, I guess I couldn't call it trival, considering the long and complicated history we've had. The dense, gummed, baneful relationship I was born into needed to be impacted. So, I understood myself why it was so hard to feel sympathy, yet shouldered colossal amounts of guilt from time to time. The morning's first impression, glimmered through my bedroom window, spotlighting it's excitement on my face that was half smushed into my yellow pillow. I decided that a morning run would be a brawny way to collect myself for the busy morning ahead.

Books needed to be edited, drafts needed to be written and concluded projects needed to be published. It was compulsory for me to impel my laxed body from the bed if I were to ever be productive in today. The clock was shadowing to 8:30, so I cracked my neck, stretched and picked out some exercise clothes for the morning. I grabbed my keys and phone before making the quick dash out of the house after locking my front door.

I jogged through the frequent kindled city was dimmed with only a dullish look inside the windows of darkness and unimaginative pander. But it was one building that had always caught my eyes since day one; illuminated in morose attractiveness. The college. The one my dad had and still was working at. My heart dropped into my stomach for a minute, before catching my breath again in bitter consumption. But despite the underwater sensation that gagged my lungs, it was seeing my father's car in the parking lot that suffocated me. It took me back to our last conversation. 

Maybe it was my personal cynicalism, but I still couldn't shake the abhorrent recalls, I had from him and mom. In some ways, I was still a little girl trapped....without a home, love, support and safety. I shook my head at the harsh memory lane I was taking myself down. I continued my jogging, before marching into one of my favorite coffee shops for a well deserved treat. After all, it took most of my energy to even exercise in the first place. "Here's your order miss." The barista said, handing me my cappuccino. I thanked her, before turning around and seeing a chiseled face that caught my eye.

Could it be deja vu? Those same blunt green eyes, that penetrated my soul glanced themselves to my direction. So, I was correct. It was dad's car out in the parking lot and so that meant he was at the college already. I swallowed and flickered my eyes over to a table before lowering my head and walking out. I didn't give the time to him. The line was a good 4 people ahead in front of dad, so I anticipated I could make it back home before seeing him again. My drink was halfway finished by the time I was home. My first surprise after I stripped off my sweaty jogging clothes, was an email that stated; I was invited to speak about a new book I was about to release at the Winchester college. I gulped back a jaw drop.

Winchester college was my dad's college where he worked. My heart sped up and my feet felt tingly. Pins and needles laced my mind, as I didn't know what to reply with. The rep would be outstanding for publicity, but was it worth facing dad over again? The PTSD I had from the last time I stepped a unimpeachable foot into the panache, prodigal lavish school. I still remembered the look of icy disdain, my father flashed at me. His eyes spoke hatred, bitter aversion, yet it wasn't my pride that was shot, it my heart that had been shot mercilessly with a bullet of contempt. I came to detest that day, using it as a stepping stone as a temp, before burying it in the back of my mind like a time capsule in the dirt.

My eyes blinked back tears; thinking of that day in such vivid detail, that it's nightmarish afterglow had shown itself bloody all over my reality. I could never forget such a look, therefore.....I could never forgive such a man who had shown it. That's just who he was and it was too late to correct that now. I had grown up, and was not about to take two steps back for the sake of convenience to my wishy-washy father. He needed to take a loss and move on......like me. But yet, I still typed back that I would be accepting the invitation to give the speech. And I was proud of myself. After all, why should I hang myself for something that really had nothing to do with me in the first place?

I finished my cappuccino before turning to chores around the house. Despite my short fuse of confidence in the spur of the moment, I still felt an urge of turmoil arouse in my gut. A lightning strike of real life struck me as I realized that I was truly afraid of my father. I would take the long ways home to avoid him, not to mention the countless hours I would spend at the mall or the library to get away from him. Seeing his sneering side was clobbering to say the least. Drowning in a wave of my own insecurity was exhausting and everyday I scatterbrain myself to give me a pat on the back for such tolerance. It builds character I guess.

I opened my laptop again, fingers hovering over the keys, as if to backtrack my rushed, reckless response. But instead, I closed my laptop, and waltzed back downstairs to finish breakfast. I don't what it was inside me that made me stop cold in my tracks....but I took it as a fateful answer.

The day was here where I was to give a speech at the college. Angus, was ready to fill my cup of support, wearing a dressy-casual polo shirt, khaki pants and loafers. I was dressed in a blazer with a dress shirt, office pants and flats. I grabbed my portfolio and walked hand in hand out the door with Angus. I glanced over towards him, only for him to meet my eyes. His greyish-blue eyes, pierced depthly into me with no remorse. It was like he was reading my mind without my lips curving into a single breath. "Nervous?" I looked over, this time keeping my stare at bay. I nodded. "This is first invited time in this college," Angus furrowed his eyebrows, like he didn't quite understand what I meant. 

"The last time I came here was three years ago..." My voice cracked. "I...out of curiosity, wanted to listen to one of my dad's lectures because they were known to be really good and detailed. But....I guess he didn't want me there. It all blew up when I got home......" A sob threatened to choke me, "I think that was an epiphany of being completely isolated when I finally realized....I-I di-didn't matter to them." I gulped hard, to swallow a bitter cry. But sniffles and single tear drops still escaped.

"Gosh, I'm ruining my mascara," I joked, once I realized Angus was looking at me with sullen eyes. "Here," He pulled out his handkerchief and gently wiped my cheeks of slight mascara tears. He cupped my cheek before pecking it. "I love you. And you'll do great." I sniffled, with a dopey smile. "Thanks." 

We got to the college where a bunch of students were sitting in the auditorium, waiting for me to introduce myself. Angus was front row, with his cell phone about to record. "10 minutes till curtain." One of the staff members said, as I was fixing myself backstage. I thanked her, before going back to fixing my makeup. I heard footsteps approaching backstage, but my back was turned and my eyes were still focused on the mirror. "Angus?" I turned to see dad standing there, looking like a guilty child that had just broken a vase after playing a forbidden game of ball in the house.

"Hello Kaitlin," He swallowed. He had on a navy blue blazer with his usual sweater and tie underneath it and black dress pants. "Hello....did you need something?" I asked straightforwardly. He shook his head. "I just wanted to wish you well on your speech. I'm proud of you and your upcoming novel....I know your mother's really excited." I nodded. "That's good.....thanks." Awkward silence struck us both. "I know what you're going to say," I broke the ice with a pondering somber memory that's been a record in my mind.

"The last time I came here......we both know what you did. And I haven't forgotten it, how could I?" I turned to face dad. "You made me feel pathetic for wanting to be apart of your world and for what? To a topic of a lecture you've written that details how much you hated me and saw me as an embarrassment? But now, your conscious is back.....and so am I. I'm here in this school, about to deliver one of the best speeches I've ever given and you can't handle that....because you rejected me...and you want a comeback for that, but dad.....second chances just don't always come. Maybe in another life....but not right now."

I stepped down and walked over to dad. "For 22 years, you didn't want me. And in those 22 years, I've grown to be someone I love....without you, and mom, and everyone else. Angus has my heart, no one else. I love you. But now I gotta love me.....so if you want to make it up for real to me......then take a seat, and listen to my story now." I walked away, leaving dad speechless and teary eyed. I wiped away the tears that were spilling from my eyes and went out to the stage.

"Hello everyone," I looked through all the faces in the crowd. In those ones, I saw Angus, Kimberly, Mom, Kylie, Kristopher, Kameron and Kira. And then later on......dad. I gulped hard, before looking down at the script I had written for myself. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"As you all know, my new book will be coming out in the fall of this year, but today I get to share a little summary of it." The audience clapped loudly. "This is my story."

My eyes wandered into the crowd to see everyone clapping loudly. But my eyes centered on dad, who was clapping the loudest with a proud smile. I flashed a small one back to him before continuing my speech.

My story.

It's not over yet.... Katlin still needs her second wind!!