#but i see you online all the goddamn time lol.. posting everywhere and not responding to me specifically

[fingertipsmp3]

In some other news I found a cheap flight to Seattle but I don’t even know if my friend wants me to visit anymore lol

[irageneve]

I know that sometimes it is better to let your praise stand alone but I can't help but respond again. Because it is not just that piece I mentioned. You always produce such detailed artworks (even for free which is mind-blowing and making me wish I had enough money to pay you.). You invest so much time and love and it shows, each piece seeming to have a soul of it's own. May I ask how long you already draw? I would love to know about the road you've taken so far while pursuing your passion :)

you will literally make me cry you’re so so kind i don’t know how to thank you enough T__T feel free to come around and ask me anything, my heart is yours

story time, Ira’s art journey (it got way longer than I expected and I also got sappy lol, I’m sorry)

like any other kid I started to draw when I was little. I used to spend a lot of time in hospitals as a child so coloring books where how I was spending my time. after that I continued to draw just for myself, ugly drawings that back then were full of thoughts that I was proud of haha. besides that I was always drawing on something, notebooks, napkins, my hands, tables. even now I draw floating eyes and random hair shapes on my notebooks lol

I continued to draw by pausing different anime scenes on TV and drawing them on paper, trying to reproduce it as accurate as I could only by studying the paused episode. looking back I realize I was doing art exercises without even knowing what I was actually doing, back then I was just drawing what I was admiring (I remember even now the anime Slayers, I drew Lina one night and then I wrote down every one of her spells that I was remembering)

I was never the best at traditional art, I’m pretty clumsy, smudging everything or painting everywhere that shouldn’t have paint on it. watercolors hated me (literally, once I had a watercolor tube explode in my face when I tried to open it)

I started digital…12 years ago I think? I started in paint and for good years I mastered that. my first ever digital art was an anime schoolgirl I reproduced from the cover of one of my notebooks. I drew that in paint and I remember it took me several days to finish. and then after a while I discovered Paint Tool Sai

I kept drawing for myself and for my friends for the longest time, mostly my OCs and my own stories. after a while, with school getting stressful and losing motivation because I had the mindset that art is just a hobby and it won’t get me anywhere, because society and family and etc told me that, I stopped. for 3-4 years I haven’t touched anything art related (I used to draw with a mouse back then)

then, I got into mystic messenger where I met people outside of my group of friends. I started to want to draw again for that fandom and even if my skills were really rusty I was enjoying it. I started to post art online two years ago under the name of Cheebs. for a while everything went fine. I was drawing and a friend that I considered very close to me was doing the backgrounds, we called them collaboARTs. but when I started to feel art was more like a chore than a passion plus some other details that I won’t go into now (regarding the friendship between me and this person) I realized it was toxic for me. things went south, we “broke up” and that was the moment I decided to never leave my arts with a white background anymore. even the simplest backgrounds are fine, but no more lazy

around…August/September I think, 2018, I got my first tablet. man the difference between a mouse and a tablet is HUGE. I felt like I was rediscovering drawing all together

wanting more of my art I started to watch speedpaintings on youtube, to search for different ways to do backgrounds, how to make the composition in order to enhance your art and not to make it heavy, color theories, etc. I started working on my technical side, I always drew just how I felt like it looked good (I never got art classes, only in elementary school which were more to play around than to learn art)

my art improved in the last year while I realized I was drawing for myself and that it never should become a chore, more than the entire time before that. I worked on my fears of “what if” (what if won’t come out good, what if they won’t like it, what if someone will find this trash) and that helped me more than anything. I improved in anatomy, perspective, colors, backgrounds because I wasn’t afraid of failure anymore and I pushed myself to go out of the comfort zone. it really helped

now my next step is to make my art a bit more…lively. I love when I hear people saying that they are feeling things when seeing my art or my writing, cause that’s what I’m aiming for. but I feel like I don’t have the dynamic I want, I feel some of my pieces are…stiff. I want more fluidity in my art so lately I’m trying to draw in a different way, to use more lines of actions

and now because you mentioned the free art part, I’m going to be a bit honest: giving free stuff (art, writing, edits, readings, any free content) it’s always going to be tricky. there are going to be people who demand, who are pushy, who want things their way. I opened requests a while back because I wanted to get better and to draw more, and I don’t regret that, but it was hella stressful and it burned me out in half a year because I didn’t know when to tell them to stop. I was making full illustrations daily. then after I stepped up for myself and changed the rules I felt much more better and now I can do up to 6 requests per day. of course, not top quality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t put love in them. love, and time and thoughts

there are wonderful people coming into my inbox almost daily and I love to draw for all of them for free, but there are always people making you question your choice of doing it in your free time. this is why I always fire up when I see people being mean towards learning artists. no one just knows how to draw, not even pro artists. who says “do it” never ever tried to do it themselves

I like to say that creativity is a muscle, if you don’t train it and challenge it it won’t evolve. but the pace of doing that it’s different from an artist to another. who cares if a young artist doesn’t know how to draw latino characters but still wants to draw that certain person cause they like them? let them try, let them fail, let them learn

ahh this got off track but I got a bit sad and angry today because of this topic and some discourse, I guess I just had to let it out. I saw people bloom when they got a bit of support to start drawing, after years of putting it off because teachers or family told them they have no talent. they only needed a bit of push and while they aren’t Picasso they are drawing, it looks great and they are using their creativity. they are enjoying it. that’s all that matters

it’s late and idk why I’m sappy but I really hope people would start appreciating creativity more and would let people enjoy and discover the world without any labels or judgements or unnecessary drama. I’m so sorry if I bore you, thank you for your kind words and I’ll stop here before I’ll write a goddamn novel hahaha

much love to you anony, you’re truly an angel 🧡

[heretherebedork]

Hiya there! Imagine in 2 years (assuming you’re still watching BL) you realize halfway into a show that, hey, that’s the plot I wrote 2 years ago on Tumblr.

Premise: Internet setting (like Gameboys) with a ML who loves making posts on Tumblr. He has a decent amount of followers but suddenly gets an interesting anon. Despite not knowing their account, ML is always able to distinguish them from the rest and might even try to find out who they are.

If that happens, it'd be the greatest thing in the world. But, by then, I probably won't remember most of these plots, lol. I love writing them but I'm good at bouncing from idea to idea.

... I'd be the absolute worst BL protagonist of all times, FYI.

But, okay. ML is a giant nerd. He's not just a nerd, he's the ultimate nerd. He has one friend in real life at the university and otherwise spends all his time online. He's on TikTok, he's on Instagram, Tumblr, LINE, everywhere you can be a dork and yell at the void about dorky things. He loves manga and anime and dramas and books... he fills up his life with fiction and is happy about it.

Then he starts getting anonymous messages on all his platforms. They're encouraging, they're interesting, they're all obviously from someone who reads everything he writes. Heck, the anon brings up points from years ago that ML has forgotten.

And he responds! It's so much fun. He's posting all over, making all kinds of points, participating in all kinds of arguments. And the anons keep coming. They're all full of information and details and ML is excited to get the messages.

After a week or so of the regular anons coming, ML is beyond intrigued. He'd fascinated. He needs to know what prompts this sudden contact. He asks in his next reply to the anon... and the conversation turns from nerderies to actually talking.

It's another week and they've genuinely just chatting through the anon messages and ML is very, very confused and also fascinated but, even more than that... he's almost scared. Anon knows all about him and can talk knowledgeably about all kinds of things in ML's life. And he's falling a bit in love with this complete stranger that he's never met or seen or even knows the name of because anon.

He keeps asking for more information about the anon and finally gleans enough to realize that Anon is at the same university he is. And so he starts a hunt for a fellow nerd!

But there's no luck. Absolutely none. He cannot find anyone with similar interests. And he just keeps on trying in all the places he expects to see nerds.

Until he finally gets an anon message and thinks of tracing the ISP (or... whatever, screw this, internet thing) and discovers that the signal is coming from the... football field!?!?

And now we go and see Anon. Anon is, in fact, the start football player on the university team. He's a jock's jock, tall and strong and drinking and laughing. He is also a secret giant nerd. And he's always wanted to talk to ML about these things but he's never been able to work up the courage to step outside the status quo.

Then he discovered all of ML's social media. He joined anonymously and now he's head over goddamn heals for the tiny nerd but still absolutely terrified of what his friends would think. So he turns into this huge cyberstalker, basically. He knows it's wrong, he knows it's not what he wants to do but it's safer than possibly throwing away his social life.

So when ML shows up to the football game, obviously looking for him... Anon is more than a bit freaked. He's torn between the urge to meet ML and to talk to him and to finally let him know... and the way he hears all his friends start laughing about the nerd showing up to a practice.

ML looks so desperate as he searches around, though. And Anon has fallen pretty hard.

In the end, he can't keep silent. He finds ML when he's just leaving and explains who he is.

ML doesn't believe him. At all. He's sure he's being made fun of because Anon has always ignored him in real life. Who would think he'd be the caring, gentle, nerdy anon that he's come to care so much about?

Anon sends one last message, apologizing for not being willing to be open and for not telling him the truth.

ML reads it and waits for another message.

And waits.

And waits.

He ends up posting his reply to the apology publicly. It's all questions, it'll his fears, it's a surprising number of his feelings.

But still nothing.

It's nearly a month before he ventures back to the football field and sees Anon playing the worst game of his life. He's beyond distracted, missing easy balls, easy calls, his entire team is obviously torn between anger, mocking and worry as he takes a seat on the bench.

ML waits for the game to finish, wincing as the team loses badly and Anon stays on the bench as the rest of the team goes in for a shower.

Finally, ML approaches Anon. And they stare.

Then they talk. ML listens and Anon apologizes again, explaining his fears and his feelings and why he just can't bring himself to stop worrying... and ML acknowledges his worries. But also points out that they're pretty shitty friends if that's all it would take to drive them away.

ML sits down next to Anon on the bench and leans in a bit and Anon can't help himself when he leans in for a kiss... right as his friends exit the locker room.

Teasing galore. All the laughter and the teasing and the mocking and when Anon looks a bit nervous ML is the one to speak up and defend Anon.

Only he doesn't need defending because they're actually his friends and were just teasing and stop once they realize that Anon is genuinely unhappy with it.

HAPPY ENDING.

This one was hard, y'all.