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#but i want. a mirror. like zenos to the wol. a twin. which i already have for this one yes but i want a platonic one and a romantic one too
noxtivagus · 2 years
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i shld really fix that spam account n use it more often bcs oh my god i really often ramble just like this
#🌙.rambles#SORRY BTW I JUST GET SO. WHENEVER I THINK LIKE THIS I CAN'T BE PRODUCTIVE AAAAA#so even if i want to answer or write something or do smth quick for school or head to sleep. i can't until i finish this mental task#it's nearly 5 am though so i'll just write this then sleep immediately. i'm just. realizing i really just. yeah. rambling a lot like this#a few months back when i had this thread where i rambled a lot too about just my thoughts#i like sharing my thoughts w others. writing it down makes it more organized#n i like to think of how my words may impact and resonate with another. the thought of it makes me feel less alone#& then if you interact with that thought too then oh my god you have just owned my heart! please accept this hug and kiss from me!#/p unless you want it to be more 🥺 joke#bcs i wrote this in my notes but it doesn't feel quite so. hmm. idk i like putting it out there more to the world#i mean honestly most of my thoughts uh. i write a lot here on tumblr evidently yes but i write even a lot more in my notes#of things only i will know! i am very good at. acting normal. you will not learn of my secrets.#unless you stalk me and try to learn the way i live and think. i write a lot but unless you relate w me in that way too then i think#you won't completely know n understand in my way. in another way though maybe. i find both beautiful#but i want. a mirror. like zenos to the wol. a twin. which i already have for this one yes but i want a platonic one and a romantic one too#i want to experience so many deep forms of love. the healthy ones. familial. w my parents. with my own sibling. with children maybe#in the far future. with so many friends. with a significant other. i want experiences with all of that. i want to learn and live through sm#bcs i was writing down things to think of in more detail when i have more time#everyone's inner worlds. in their head. their stories thoughts emotions experiences desires wishes. all of that n more#their inner lifes. how they live. the many things we don't know about each other. the unsaid n the hidden n the unseen.#how would it be like. what would we all be. 'could' be.#taking into account who we all are and who i am. what that means with and for us all. going back as well to the things that make up our#identity. & then how we change with each person. what sides of us do they know. and vice versa#how we affect n influence each other. what we choose to share n the secrets we keep#i think about those sort of things a lot. for you and for me#like personally for me one way i see myself is. talking w me could. since i can be really direct straightforward n honest. yeah#about certain things but i think there's a lot hidden in each word i say. i wonder for you too.#& i could see that maybe for some people. talking to me could slow down time? sob bcs i can really write slow in convos#& i've been told by several people that talking to me can be comforting. i'm kind they say. huh.#it's very nearly 5 am i have so much more to write (time goes by so fast holy shit go away anxiety) but i will sleep now. good night.
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