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jokeroutsubs · 9 months

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ENG translation: If we believed that we were "kings", that wouldn't be us

An interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin for Slovenian newspaper Delo, originally published on 24.12.2023. Audio version by IG GBoleyn123

Original article is available here for Delo subscribers. Original article written by Lucijan Zalokar for Delo; photos by Jože Suhadolnik; English translation by a member of Joker Out Subs, native proof reading by IG GBoleyn123.

If you repost quotes from the interview, please link back to this post! And if you repost the photos, do not crop out the photographer credit.

With Bojan Cvjetićanin about the international breakthrough of Joker Out, the movie Kaj pa Ester?, about life on the road, football, sociology…

I met up with Bojan Cvjetićanin in Ljubljana's Stegne industrial zone, where the members of the popular pop rock (in their jargon: shagadelic rock'n'roll) group Joker Out created a rehearsal space for themselves two years ago. "Lately we've been on the road a lot, but this is still a great second home. If only you knew about the parties that happened here. There were fifty people dancing downstairs," he proudly looked from a small gallery towards the space that measures approximately thirty square metres. Even though the clock had just struck three in the afternoon, the 24-year-old Ljubljana resident had a long day behind him, which had been entirely dedicated to media obligations.

In journalistic circles, we often hear indignation about how modern day influencers - especially those who had gained their influence on social media - have no books on their shelves. Joker Out are first and foremost musicians, of course, but with 150,000 followers (Bojan's personal profile has 190,000) on Instagram, we can count them among the big Slovenian influencers. And there are plenty of books on their shelves.

I don't want to falsely portray the popular fivesome as enlightened donors to the Slovenian literary market: most of the books resemble those you can buy for little money in second-hand bookshops, or even get for free at library write-offs, but they still deserve praise for both the aesthetic sense and the content.

I also don't want to falsely portray the books as the only notable objects in the rehearsal space. There are also the golden plate for the Eurovision single Carpe Diem, which got over two million streams in Finland, a transfusion bag (Rh-) that Tomi Meglič¹, Cvjetićanin's biggest teenage idol, personally brought to them, and a small shop's worth of props given to them by fans: pillows with hand-embroidered patterns, plushies, bras with Instagram accounts written on them, various sweets, you could even find a vinyl from a Soviet cover band of The Beatles. If things continue like that, they soon won't have any space left for instruments, but those are just sweet worries. Joker Out, who were formed in 2016, are currently conquering Europe in a way that the Slovenian music scene has never seen before.

¹frontman of Siddharta, whose third album was called Rh-

I've heard that you approach your job with the utmost professionalism and that you wake up at five in the morning for media obligations.

That's true, today we started early in the morning in Maribor. The first few hours were the most tiring because we were constantly changing locations and driving around the city. After the third or fourth activity, we relaxed a little because we got to the studio. After that, everyone started coming to us instead of the other way around.

Slovenian cinemas have started playing the movie Kaj pa Ester? in which you play a boy who enrolled in high school just to get close to his ex girlfriend again. Did you have any problems with trying to get into the high school mentality?

We filmed the movie two years ago, when my memories of high school were much more fresh than they are today. But on the other hand, I played a boy who had just finished the ninth grade of primary school, so I had to put myself into the shoes of a primary school kid, which is much harder. We're also pretty different personality-wise. But almost the entire cast was around the same age, so too old. We joked about that a lot during filming.

Still, that's nothing unusual in the movie world.

Of course, there are 35-year-olds starring in High School Musical and no one is complaining.

Could you draw any parallels between a musical stage performance and filming a movie? You have to play a kind of role during a concert too...

I have to admit that it's completely different. On stage, I never feel like I'm performing. Of course I am actually performing, but I'm still in the role of myself, Bojan, whereas in the movie, I'm someone completely different. It might be easier to compare filming a movie with recording music in the studio, but there are big differences there as well. The biggest one is that for a movie, the director has the main and the final say. You have to trust him. When you film a scene, you don't even see what you've filmed for a long time. The movie in which I play one of the main roles will be played in cinemas, and I don't even know what I will look like on the big screen. It's different with music, because us authors listen to the songs a hundred times, a thousand times; we're the ones who make all the final decisions. That's quite a mental leap, but I didn't have too many problems with it, because I knew the previous projects of that team. V dvoje ('In a tandem') is my favourite Slovenian TV series. On the other hand, I needed time to get used to this new method of working. If I asked to see the scene we'd filmed one more time, but the director said it was good, we kept filming without hesitation.

You said that on stage, you are always in the role of yourself. Does the nature of that role change from concert to concert? And what influences it? The audience, the outfit…

The outfit has an influence for sure. More than I initially thought. Lately we've been playing with our stage look a lot and looking for the right combination. I currently find that the outfit suits me very well, it's just the shoes that bother me because they're too rigid. I have to change them. They're huge and massive, which makes me feel like I'm clumsily marching around the stage, whereas during rehearsals I wear sneakers and I'm therefore a lot more in the mood for dancing.

What about the language you sing in? Many people say that they feel as if by switching between different languages, they are also switching between their personalities.

I agree. When you change the language, your voice has a different colour and register, you come up with different jokes than in your mother tongue. If I lead a concert in Slovenian, Serbian, or English, I'm a different dude every time. This is also influenced by my notion that each time, I'm performing for a different group of people who are connected by a certain mentality. In Slovenia, I'm performing as a local for locals, and I feel like there are different "game rules" than for example in Croatia or Serbia. Elsewhere, I feel like I don't even think about this.

How did you get the idea to start creating and singing in English? You already broke through internationally with Slovenian.

Us creating in foreign languages isn't so much a result of wanting to break through internationally and the mentality that only English ensures global success. If we thought that way, we wouldn't have gone to Eurovision with a Slovenian song. We're primarily driven by a desire to learn new things, to push the boundaries... In the studio, it's similar to being on the stage. If you change the language, you're not only a different person on stage, but also inside your head. Your creativity is different. Playing with languages is actually also playing with your own creativity, because you enter a different space, a different mentality. The song Sunny Side of London could not have been made if we hadn't mentally transported ourselves to an English-speaking space. We want many more projects like that, not necessarily in English.

Can you be more specific? What kind of mentality do you associate Sunny Side of London with?

That song is a sort of homage to all the people who have suddenly become part of our story. Sunny Side of London has nothing to do with London as such. I was looking for a name of a well-known place with which to name all our concerts, and I decided on London.

The first time I said the words Are you guys real? – Is this really happening, are you really here and singing our songs? – on the stage, certain English phrases snuck into my mind. What the hell is going on? and so on. We also experienced, for the first time, foreigners coming up to us and talking about their own experiences connected to our music. That was something completely new for us. We listened to all those stories in English, as our fans of course can't speak Slovenian, even though they can sing our Slovenian lyrics. Sunny Side of London therefore emerged as a collection of all the experiences and stories that fans told us after gigs.

You've already touched on fans who sing your lyrics by heart from Finland to Spain. Could you highlight the nation with the best ear for the Slovenian language?

On the latest tour, when we visited Lithuania, Poland, Czechia and Croatia, there were moments when I felt like I was singing in Slovenia. In Prague, I filmed the audience singing Umazane misli without me. As if I were in Križanke, for example. But it's even more fascinating that people sing well in England and Nordic countries too. It's understandable that our Slavic brothers have the best ear for Slovenian, but northerners aren't far off either.

How much of your international success do you attribute to the Eurovision performance?

A huge amount.

If you had to express it in a percentage?

99.9.

Really?

Definitely. It was an incredible catapult. Whenever I ask the audience at our international concerts if anyone was already with us before Eurovision, a few hands shoot up every time, but those are rare exceptions.

How do you explain the fact that you finished in the relatively humble 21st place in Liverpool, but your visibility still grew in leaps and bounds?

We were very, very, very dedicated to the Eurovision project. We put a lot of time and energy into demonstrating to the people who were open to it that we weren't just a three-minute performance, but very much an existing band that has made many songs and that lives on stage. With time, and of course in connection with the Eurovision performance, more and more listeners got to know that. We clearly showed them: we are here, we are real, try it, connect with us.

Because they had so much different content available, this actually happened. I think it was also because they saw that Joker Out really was made out of five completely regular dudes from Slovenia who live a totally normal life, and at the same time we make music and have a great time doing it. That is already a slight deviation from what's been happening recently, when we're being bombarded from all sides by messages that we need to distance ourselves from each other, that we have to hate each other...

That was the sociologist in you talking.

That's true. The atmosphere in society nowadays is such that it emphasises individuality more than building a team. Young people, however, need and want to be part of a community. And we offered them that chance.

Where does your interest in social sciences come from? Your father is a gynecologist, your mother a pediatrician, and you have a degree in sociology.

I had a very good professor in high school. If you wanted to listen to him, he offered a lot of knowledge. Even though sociologists often think about society in an abstract way, the subject always felt tangible to me. I recognised it in very concrete life situations that I was trying to understand. At my final exams, I did a great job with sociology with very little effort – and then made a mistake and enrolled in economics. I wavered between those two options from the start, and in the end, what tipped the scales were the warnings of many people I knew that sociology doesn't have good employment prospects. I gave in to the pressure and very quickly realised I had made the wrong decision. I gave up on economics after the first semester. That was when I seriously threw myself into the band, we made Gola, and then I transferred to sociology and there was happiness all around.

You clearly won't work as a sociologist for a while yet, if ever...

But I am a sociologist.

In your soul?

No, as my profession. Us musicians are sociologists. A lot of sociological terms could easily be transferred into our environment. Locale, for example. In third year, the professor asked me several times: Well, Cvjetićanin, if you have a concert, is that locale or something else? And then I said it was locale and started rambling on. (laughter)

So you are a singing sociologist?

Exactly.

How do you explain the success of Joker Out from a sociological point of view? How do your songs address the zeitgeist?

I write the lyrics exclusively based on stories that really happened. Not necessarily to me, but to people I love. Therefore, I have a strong emotional relationship with the subject matter. My opinion is that there will always be people who will connect with the story if it's real. Because it's easiest for us to connect with real emotions. Our songs are love songs, they talk about finding yourself and personal growth, some are socially critical... I think that I have managed to find the right balance between being direct and being poetic.

I'll word it differently. The Beatles already sang about love and personal growth. And they weren't the first ones by far. Later on, those same themes were covered by hundreds of successful bands and an infinite number of slightly less successful ones.

I think that nowadays, we most often associate societal changes with technological development. Technological advances largely dictate the rhythm of our life. But those advances are mostly just a substitute for something that already existed in the past. The basic emotions have therefore certainly stayed the same. Love, fear, hatred... I think that the use of language is very important here. Even though the emotions don't change, the way we put them into words does. In music, too. I don't sing about a topic the same way my peers would have in the 1970s. Consequentially, our relationship with emotions is changing and evolving as well. As if our entire society is gravitating towards the point of holding the belief that it's better for an individual to feel less and less, and in a more and more censored way.

On the one hand, excessive use of social media and other media causes us to feel like distinct individuals. On the other hand, it connects us to the world and places us into a very wide picture. In every moment, we are only a click away from becoming cosmopolitan and being able to access all the information, events, and people, but at the same time, that's exactly what reminds us that we are a small and actually not very important dot on this planet. The magnitude of everything that's constantly available to us makes us feel small. I think that we mostly listen to, watch, and use those who manage to poke the spot that unnerves people the most in this context. If performers manage to break through the firewall of someone's VPN, then those people will also show their interest in an analogue way. Otherwise, they will only be a swipe away.

And now a question that's more psychological than sociological: do you ever try to get into the heads of the people who time and again show their interest in very analogue ways?

I have an infinite appreciation for their dedication, because for myself, I don't see the chance of a phenomenon exciting me so much that I would be ready to dedicate so much time and love to it.

So you've never been a very hardcore fan?

If, at twelve years old, I had to highlight one musicians that I would've wanted to meet more than anyone in the world, that would definitely have been Tomi Meglič. That hasn't changed to this day. The only difference is that we meet up with Tomi and we're friends. I still feel the highest possible level of respect for him. Every time he calls me, I am extremely proud of myself. But I still cannot imagine going to, say, Berlin tomorrow if Siddharta were playing there and I had a free day. I'd go to Maribor or Zagreb, but absolutely not across all of Europe the way the biggest fans do. Not even at twelve. I could sooner imagine that at that age, a football match rather than a concert would be the thing that excited me beyond all reason.

We're probably talking about two groups of celebrities that get worshipped as deities by the masses in Western society: footballers and pop and rock musicians. And this is probably linked to emotions again.

True. The thing that wakes up a person's sense of smell, sight, and all other emotions that overcame them as a child, is what has the best possibility of succeeding.

Now please explain how this is connected to football.

If I go to a concert by Siddharta, Big Foot Mama, Magnifico, I turn into a ten-year-old kid who will explode from happiness. There's no Bojan anymore. He gets lost. It's the same with football. When I watch it, I dream about how I played for Slovan² as a kid and what I wanted more than anything was to score a goal and for everyone in the stands to yell: Yeeeees!

²ND Slovan is a football club from Ljubljana

You don't score goals, but you are in a similar position that Tomi Meglič used to be in.

All the band members come from very loving families that have always provided us with a very good support system and instilled basic values in us that we internalised deeply. That is why everything that's currently happening around us hasn't gone to our heads in a way that would make us think that we're bigger or more important than anyone else. If we started believing that we were "kings" because everyone was clapping for us and singing our songs, that would probably be a very strong feeling, but that simply wouldn't be us. We mostly love to see all the people, because we know how much we mean to them and how much they mean to us. Without them, we wouldn't be able to focus on what's most important to us – our music. On the other hand, I can say with a thousand percent certainty that I would easily and happily do my job if I was performing at venues like Cankarjev dom. So, in front of a calmer audience, without unreal hype.

But what I would like most in the world is to turn into a footballer for ten seconds and score a goal at an important match. You know why? Because that is the biggest adrenaline hit that exists. When we perform on various stages, there's mayhem around us for two hours straight. But in football, when a goal is scored, that happens in a millisecond. You go from nothing into total chaos. Everyone loses their minds. I'd love to experience that. Well, I did – much like everyone who played football in primary school. When I scored a goal for Slovan and a hundred people in the stands clapped for me, I felt like I was on Maracanã. Imagine what it would be like to experience that on the real Maracanã.

It's interesting that you highlighted a loving and stable family background. Many of the biggest pop and rock stars in the world grew up in a diametrally opposite environment. From John Lennon and Janis Joplin to Prince and Rihanna. There are actually so many of them that we can talk about a pattern.

I know, because I love to read their (auto)biographies, and I agree with your assessment that their family circumstances are fundamentally different than ours. That is always my answer to the question when someone wants to know how debauched our tours are. When I tell them that we mostly drink water and tea on the road, they just can't believe it. But it's the truth, because we've realised three things. First, we enjoy what we do immensely, and from the experiences of many musicians, we know that you can almost definitely forget about a long career if you start doing everything that we perceive as the proverbial rock'n'roll lifestyle. A band like that breaks up sooner or later, either because of frayed nerves, or exploding egos, or because of money. Second, we've all had to go to work hungover and we know very well that it's unbearable. I especially can't imagine how we could stay healthy and keep our strength and our voice if we were constantly hungover on the road. In that case, the only short-term solution is drugs, which we fortunately [knocks on wood] don't do. And third: I'm sure that you have a much better time on stage if you're aware that you are on it.

Your international breakthrough doesn't have a precedent among Slovenian musicians. Would you dare to point out where the difference is, why you made it and not for example Siddharta, who had filled Bežigrad stadium and later did not hide their international ambitions?

We have to understand that Siddharta didn't have the chance to perform at a festival like Eurovision. It's hard to understand what it means for 160 million people to watch you. That is a bizzarely huge number. All this happened in the time of social media, and we had set up a pretty good mechanism in that area even before Eurovision, and then also used it, whereas Siddharta established itself as a band in the time of analogue media. I can't even imagine how it would've been possible to break through abroad from Slovenia at that time. Because even we are already – even though some things have opened up for us very nicely and we've been joined by the right people – finding out how much of an investment going international demands. Dreams of megalomanical earnings and a luxurious life brought on by a European tour shatter quickly. Even when you start filling up venues, you stay in a kind of hustle mode. You fight. Unfortunately, the costs in the music business are so high that performing abroad is more or less just for promotion for a long time.

You're probably thinking of logistical costs?

Yes. Some of my colleagues have total misconceptions about our earnings. They think that we're literally swimming in money, while we actually earn what amounts to a normal salary.

In March next year you will have eighteen concerts. You will start in Helsinki and end in Milan. How will you travel?

With a tour bus. We've rented it twice so far: for the UK tour and for the tour around Lithuania, Poland, and Czechia. There are beds on it, so we can sleep while driving from one concert to the next. The tourbus is prohibitively expensive, you pay almost half of your royalties for it, but it's the only way for a musician with such a packed schedule to survive in the long run. Sometimes people ask me why we don't travel with a van instead, but you have to understand that we sometimes have concerts two days in a row and the venues are 800 kilometres apart. If we spent all night in an uncomfortable van, then looked for a hotel in the morning and so on, we might be able to endure it for a week, but definitely not all month.

Do you ever sleep in a hotel?

Only on free days.

Will the March tour be your most exhausting one so far?

It will definitely be one of the more exhausting ones, but I am definitely happy that we will be able to sleep on a tour bus. We haven't been on a month-long tour yet, so it's hard to predict anything, but on the Nordic tour this year we played six concerts in five days, because we had two concerts in one day in Helsinki. We didn't have a tour bus there, we flew instead. That meant that after the concert, we got to the hotel at midnight, then we had to be at the airport at three in the morning, a few hours later we were already at the new location, we napped for two hours on a couch, had a soundcheck – rinse and repeat for five days in a row.

Let's not talk only about the negative sides of tours…

Of course. I love sleeping on the bus! I fall asleep like a baby who's being taken for a walk in a stroller. I can't sleep more than nine or ten hours in my bed at home, on a tour bus I easily get twelve hours. Maybe it's because it's constantly shaking a little. The other guys also sleep very well on the road.

But the most magical thing on tours is when I visit a city for the first time just because we have a gig there. That seems unimaginable to me. To meet new people, wonderful fans, to bond as a band, experience new, funny situations, to bring home a bunch of new inside jokes and incredible gifts that fans have made themselves. [Points towards a hand-embroidered pillow in the part of the studio where they keep the gifts.]

Elite athletes often lament that it's true that they compete all over the world, but they often only see the airport, the hotel, and the sports venue.

It's similar for us. When we travel with a bus, we only see the venue. If we happen to have a free day, we walk around the city, but we definitely don't visit all kinds of tourist attractions as some people might wrongly imagine. When we go to Paris, we definitely won't go to the Louvre, and we will see the Eiffel tower through the bus window if everything goes well.

But you meet a lot of interesting people.

That's true. I find it the most fascinating if we meet fans when we don't expect them at all. In a restaurant, on a plane… When we were flying to Poland, it turned out that one of the flight attendants was a big fan of ours. She told us that she was going to three of our concerts and brought us champagne and a model of a Lot Polish Airlines plane.

I was even more surprised in Helsinki. I went to some kind of dark club that had a techno music party. Suddenly I was approached by three people, two guys and one girl, and they told me that they were our fans and that they couldn't believe that they met me in that club. I also couldn't believe that people recognised me in the middle of Helsinki. What's going on?!

In the summer, you took a step back from Instagram for a while. What brought you to that decision?

Many things. I felt creatively empty. I also, for the first time in my life, experienced the internet – not just Slovenian, but global – being completely oversaturated with me. That started negatively pressuring me and eating me up. I thought about it a lot, and the first time I asked myself whether I'd be less Bojan Cvjetićanin if I didn't have an Instagram profile, I turned it off. Immediately after that, I wrote three songs; I felt as if I had cleaned up some of the mess that had built up recently. I returned to social media some time ago; with much healthier habits than before, I think.

How do you see social media? As a space for playfulness, for promotion, part of the job, part of private life?

I think that at the time when they started killing me, I perceived them too professionally. I had a feeling that Instagram was a platform through which I had to achieve all sorts of things. Lately, I prefer to joke around more.

If you repost quotes from the interview, please link back to this post! And if you repost the photos, do not crop out the photographer credit.

#bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #joker out #Spotify #type: article #jo: bojan solo #year: 2023 #source: delo #jos original: podcast #og language: slovenian

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sgdlr-asdfghjkl · 2 months

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Link Click Musical update 180 🌟🌟🌟

(LC-mu postcard project🎉 + summary of BilibiliWorld videos: musical actors meeting VAs trio and Wang Minhui's vlog ✨)

Hello! This will be quite unusual update, since I want to report about our fan project. But also, to make up for my inactivity, I bring lots of tasty treats for you >:3

Links in replies: meeting of LC donghua voice actors trio and LC musical trio at BilibiliWorld event, Wang Minhui's vlog from there, 1h+ livestream from the entire LC musical segment + google drive link where you can download the postcard illustrations and print it for yourself 😘

OKAY 🏃‍♂️✨

LC-mu postcard project summary

A fellow lc musical enjoyer friend, Vale (@/_Setsuna_iro_ on twt & @/setsuna_cos on ig, follow her for great cosplays!) reached out, said she'll be visiting China and considers going to see the play. So OF COURSE I got hyped up about it 😤

I wanted to arrange a postcard for her to give away after the performance (like we did with Elara for 100th performance). To let the actors and Chinese audience know we appreciate the musical ^^ There was no better person to ask for help than a legend, an icon, a master of musical-inspired LC fanarts @wrathyforest 🙇‍♂️💖

🤲BEHOLD🤲

So Forest drew this amazing✨ illustration 🙇‍♂️ (and yes, you can download it and print it too!). I only suggested some details like adding XiaoJuan pig squishie and Zhang Jiahao eating a chicken leg (from 100th special encore).

As for my contribution I did the design on a back (based on the official lyrics book style) and the lil actor doodles. I collected the 42 names of countries from the international LC musical fans. And handled the communication and logistics between all of us ><

Props to Vale for translating the note to Chinese 🙏 the actors and audience got it in Chinese, but you can read it and print in in English ^^ And thanks to @elaraqwqfor all the practical advice about the theatre etiquette and navigation haha 🙏

When time agent Vale rests (and no longer struggles with Chinese firewall ><") I'll try to share more info from her about the musical itself. For now have photos our spy took >:3

That's the Shanghai Great World, an amusement centre building where the Time Theatre is located. We rarely think outside the 'microvawe oven' of lc musical set, so I think it's interesting to see ;>

A photo wall with the cast behind the scenes and guests (can you spot director Haolin? ehee). And a fascinating (to me at least) corner where the audience can leave all the fanmade freebies. Like merch celebrating actor's birthdays or performance milestones. The fans go out of their way and make all sorts of things to share, like badges, facemasks with prints, keychains, acrylic stands, prints, stickers, I even saw cookies with chibi actors printed on them ><

I personally find this part of fan culture around the Chinese musical theatre really heartwarming and inspiring ^^ Maybe bc culture around theatre in my country feels very posh and stuck up, snobbish even. So I have lots of love and respect to Chinese theatre fans for making their passion feel welcoming and simply fun 🌟

Again, huge thanks to all my lovely LC friends, Forest, Vale and Elara for making this project possible 😘💙💛

MOVING ON 🏃‍♂️✨

Link Click Musical panel on BilibiliWorld 2024 convention

For context, this convention is huge (esp when you remember Bilibili is like Chinese ver of youtube, twitch, netflix, crunchyroll and webtoon at once). Li Haolin had his panel there, as well as donghua VAs (that's how they managed to meet, VAs had their panel on same day musical actors came for rehearsal).

So there is an entire 1h+ video from the panel with LC-mu 'representative lineup' Deng Xianling, Cai Qi and Wang Minhui. I'll link it, you can watch it. It's all in Chinese ofc but it's still fun, bc they do lots of games focused on singing songs that you should be able to recognise by now ;>

A summary of the panel:

1st game: they each get the first lines their characters sing in the play and have to fill out the blank lyrics

then they do slightly extended ver of 'You can forget about it' ('sofa song')

2nd game: they get a line from a lc musical song to sing, each actor with different twist; dxl has to do a dialect version, cq does the singing to a different melody, and wmh does the 'translation accent' (not sure what it is, I'm guessing it's changing the accentuation on words?)

3rd game: is blindfold basketball with third person directing the one that's shooting, so a cooperation game ^^'

4th game: they listen to the music and when it stops they have to sing the next lines (this part was GREAT bc we get crumbs from main plot songs AND we get to hear actors sing a capella AND there is a banger part where wmh and cq sing in unison 😔👌)

5th game: doing 'Dive back in time' tutting at varied speed (it's funny & impressive how they switch from 2x speed to 0.5x without an issue)

and I lost a count (this video is long and in chinese, forgive me) but by the end, there is also a part where each actor has to say something in character, they chose from categories: A) Exclusive video for waking up - cq, B) Exclusive video to put you to sleep -wmh, C) 'Mood Tips' Video - dxl :> (Lu Guang got very in character, short line, don't get excited)

OKAY NEXT 🏃‍♂️✨✨

Voice Actors encounter (Li Shimeng, Su Shangqing, Yang Tianxiang) summary

All credit goes to my Chinese friend Yksim (@/treeshu3426 on twt) for translating and summarising the entire video to me 🙏🙇‍♂️💖

Video has 2 main parts: voice actors giving tips about delivering lines and musical actors teaching them to sing songs. Yang Tianxiang first suggest that musical actors teach vocal actors how to sing. He asks how to sing "我只能预测十二个小时" ('I can only predict 12 hours...', a part from M01 'Time Travel', the first song). Wmh and cq sing it but ytx finds it too hard to follow, gives up and says sth like 'aigh maybe we should start from voice acting' ><. So they first give wmh and cq some tips about how to say lines.

Wang Minhui shares that the producer of LC musical (I'm guessing it was Chen Xiaoyi 🙏) sent him a video compilation of canon Lu Guang calling cxs idiot, childish etc. (as learning material). And he asked ytx to say some for him XDD which the other delivers 👌

Li Shimeng gives Qiao Ling performance. She first acted how to scold cxs and then how to comfort him 🥺 Everyone compliments her, she's great orz

After that ytx seems to be answering wmh's question how to say lines. He said: 'We have to relax our throats. It is also like singing. You have to make yourself comfortable. You don't have to pursue to make your voice very like my voice. I think we are two different Lu Guangs. ' (meaning the range, because wmh's voice is very high pitch comparing to ytx's voice)

Yang Tianxiang asks Su Shangqing for his input and ssq says: 'You can make it natural and like in daily life. Actually voice acting allows you to express a variety of precise emotions within a very limited range of ups and downs. It will be harder than no limits. 其实会比你可以完全释放手脚难 (this sentence translates weirdly so have a transcript) After you get hold of the character's main characteristics, you can relax and do what you want to express.'

Then is time for a singing part. Cai Qi sings a bit from 'Words can't convey the love' for ssq. Which ssq says is too hard >< ytx says 'But this song fits you.'

Wang Minhui sings a crumb of main plot song called 'Broken time' (fully translated by Micha here 💙) It's a very hard and high pitch big song full of emotions that happens after a quarrel with cxs. Yang Tianxiang is impressed ><

VA's strongest soldier enters the ring after ytx says: 'I think Li Shimeng is the best singer among three of us.' So Cai Qi teaches lsm some QL's lines from the beginning of 'You can forget about it' (QL starts it in main plot ver). She repeats after him and sounds wonderful ✨💅

And finally, Deng Xianling arrives from the other musical's rehearsal (on weibo she 'cries' she had to buy wmh a drink as an apology for being late ><'). Her voice is beautiful nevertheless. She sings the same part that cq started teaching ;>

Then they take photos together and say goodbyes 🥰

WHICH IS A PERFECT SEGWAY 🏃‍♂️✨✨✨

This one I deciphered myself by google translating subtitles. But please watch it yourself! It's adorable even if you don't speak Chinese

Wang Minhui's vlog from BilibiliWorld

You may think he'd do sth short, similar to Cai Qi's vlog from the event, but no. Not the yapperton3000, Kamen Rider enjoyer, mister I-watch-more-anime-than-Niebo (I just adore this guy, ok? and you will too. Now.)

Nah, he will give us a tour 😎✨

It starts with him saying he's going on a rehearsal, then a short compilation from that day where they practiced and met VAs. As you can see he and ytx exchanged contact info :>

After teasing dxl for being late it's fast forward to next day, the day of their performance. He beelines straight to the artist/merch area 🙇‍♂️ He points at almost every alley and says stuff like:

'Take a look at the Honkai Star Railway theme area! Sorry but I don't play hehe' 'Jian Wang 3 theme area, I used to play. I remember when I got into the trap, brought in at my university, my college friends were playing.' *points at a fancy dress at some sort of haute couture cosplay booth* 'Guo Hongxu would look good in this' (ghx commented the vid with a photo of himself swinging an axe with 'Where are you? I brought you a gift 🙂')

Then he comes home 😌 The Link Click themed alley 💙💛

He looks at Lu Guang merch which is-😭💗 *clenches my heart* and talks how he's excited to wear lg's wig already.

⬆ Interesting thing about these shiguang cutouts, that cn friends Bō🐼 and Yksim pointed out, is that they are a signposts promoting a Chengguang/程光 ship specific event. Recently there was a separate exhibition/fan event focused on uh, you know, top!cxs x bottom!lg, (not necessarily explicit but very much about the romantic coupling) and they had a booth LC alley in BilibiliWorld too.

And no, it's impossible he's clueless about it. You'll see he knows his donghua&anime + they had huge signs with ship name and friends tell me he must've walked past all the doujins. And he goes there twice 🙇‍♂️ Like, do with this knowlegde whatever you want, I'm just describing what happened (personally I'd say: BASEDBASEDBASED-)

*performance time* he gets his makeup and hair done and goes on stage, it's a short compilation from backstage.

HE GOES BACK TO THE CUTOUTS orz... the stylist fixes his hair sprout when he's standing between lg and cxs ;w; while wmh praises his producer for agreeing to work overtime to help him film the vlog 🙏

it cuts to him riding to the different area, he says:

'Now I am going to this one from "Link Click", the booth of the original work. Although today in fact, strictly speaking, I'm not a cosplayer.' 'Because I think we should respect how everyone just generates electricity for love to this level of detail' (I think he means cosplayers, but not sure, it translates wack) 'I think I am still wearing a makeup look for a musical stage actor who (just) came here.' 'This experience is very unforgettable for me, so I hope to use the last bit of time, the moment before hitting the board, to go get one for myself. Including myself, Wang Minhui as a stage actor. I can take two sets of photos. I think it's also a good memory, so I set off!' (it may be confusing, but I think he's talking about using the opportunity of being on a convention in the stage makeup, to take some phots for himself, while humbly acknowledging it's not a cosplay)

(we're halfway in the video, save me, I love him but he talks so much ಥ_ಥ)

He enters the official LC venue (that earlier, was more fanmade stuff/merch alley) and talks about how exciting it is that he can blend in ;w; so he walks around, saying:

'I am so happy!' but then catches himself and says 'Ah, but I shouldn't laugh' (to stay in LG's character 😭) *points at Neo Aurora LG cutout (one with harness)* 'Can you make me a set of clothes like this next time at our theater?' (caption tags the Encore Musicals theatre) *points at a writing board and reads one of fan messages* 'Li Haolin, no more knives!' 💀 and 'No matter the past, don't question the future' motto *proudly high-fives himself* *points at Li twins cutouts* 'Last time I drew a blind box I got Li Tianchen, I have both (?or two idk) of them.' 'So happy. The kind of faint (faint feeling? or faintness? idk) It just came out of here *points at his chest* Happy but I don’t know why I’m so happy! (pls he's so sweet)

Then he points towards the Bilibili Comics venue and namedrops lots of shows he's watching/reading:

'There's a Bilibili comics app, the app that accompanies me on many nights, I recently finished reading Demon Slayer', he also mentions watching Blue Lock and Wind Breaker.

Moving on to individual anime series booths:

*points at Kaitou from Detective Conan* 'I especially liked that character as a kid, so cool/handsome' He sees Solo Leveling booth from a distance and is proud of himself for remembering the name of the show, so much so he takes a picture :'> ''Dungeon Meshi', I've been following for past 2 days (?). At first I thought it was a gourmet show, at that time I liked to order takeout. I feel like it still has quite a story to it.' *sees a mecha animatronic* 'Wow it's moving!' (everybody stfu, he's experiencing a childlike wonder) 'I usually open Bilibili when I have nothing to do', then he mentions watching Freiren, Kaiju no.8 and says that after reading all the Demon Slayer he wants to watch it now.

Post-credits scene: He looks on a stage, says 'Give me a mask and I'll sign up' and then the camera zooms out to show what I think is a group of men doing an otome-themed performance dance (like Tears of Themis/Love and Deepspace type of game idk which exactly ><) 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️ that's all

To accompany you on this overwhelming wall of text, I give you Cai Qi overwhelmed by the wonders of BilibiliWorld 😇 he was going through it, but had the audacity to later say 'I was a little nervous, Wang Minhui is nearly drowning the mic (from sweating nervously)' under the video with VAs. Brat.

Housekeeping notes: I hope this update makes up for the long inactivity and I hope it lasts you for a while 🙏 I still struggle with my workload and it sucks, so I won't be coming back here any time soon (for 1,5 months at least) sorry ><

But I am still active on twt and discord and I check tumblr inbox regularly if you ever need help with research 💪

There is an increase of LC fans interested in the play (after the zhb and tcp almost-kiss ><') So I am currently gathering questions from newbies to later create the LC Musical FAQs 🌟 If you have ANY questions regarding LC musical, specific actors, the general Chinese musical fandom culture, navigating Chinese social media, anything I could help with, PLEASE reach out to me via inbox, DMs, curiouscat (I linked it on my twt @/niebo_sgdlr), twt DMs or discord. It will help tremendously to create a beginner friendly guide, bc at this point I'm too deep in the rabbit hole and too busy to explain everything to everyone individually🙏💖

Look at this historical event of Wang Minhui getting the postcard and telling Vale she looks better than Cai Qi 😇 Please give love to all the friends I mentioned in the post and have a lovely day, bye bye!

Niebo out 🏃‍♂️✨✨✨✨

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katyatalks · 2 years

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Animedia 2022/12 - MP100 III Interview with Hoshino Takanori ENG

“Serizawa, the kouhai who holds respect and affection for Reigen” & “Reigen Arataka, the senpai of Serizawa’s life”

Animedia 2022/12 holds a short interview surrounding Serizawa’s relationship with Reigen. Below is the full English translation:

—

Q: Hoshino-san, as Serizawa’s voice actor, in what ways do you feel Reigen has a senpai-ish nature, or a senpai-ish charm?

A: Reigen-san has an element to him where he isn’t very good at leaning on others. There’s something charming about that awkwardness. I think you could see that as him being dependable or having a firm character.

Q: Could you please tell us about a scene that you feel exemplifies Reigen and Serizawa having a good senpai / kouhai relationship?

A: I thought it was amazing when Serizawa was shocked by episode 1’s “Rice Grain Big Bang!”. Reigen announces his special move without an ounce of embarrassment, Serizawa gives an intense response to it. 100%. Full points.

Q: At last the long awaited season 3 has arrived. There are many people who eagerly await new episodes each week. What should we look forward to? It looks as if much like seasons 1 and 2, some heart-trembling events will unfold…?

A: Naturally, each person associated with Spirits & Such will go through their own growth, their own conflicts… which one should I say… there are certainly some heart-trembling events, perhaps I should choose this. It wasn’t just once or twice that I came close to tears during rehearsals and recording sessions.

Q: At this current point in time, how would you say Serizawa feels about Reigen?

A: “He doesn’t assume or pass judgement on me, and no matter what, he supports me… he’s amazing… even though he’s younger than me… compared to him, I…” I think it’s something like this - he holds Reigen in high regard and uses that to work on himself.

Q: Please say a few words for our readers and the Serizawa fans looking forward to coming episodes.

A: Season 3 is full of moments where everyone at Spirits & Such feels lost, chooses, and moves forward. You won’t want to avert your eyes at all until the season ends, so please watch as each episode airs. Please enjoy each broadcast!

—

*敬愛する = quite literally ‘to respect and love’.

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #my stuff #reigen arataka #serizawa katsuya

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steviesbicrisis · 1 year

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OKAY HERE I AM WITH STEDDIE/EUROVISION BRAINROT

Somehow Corroded Coffin is asked to represent Australia and they are like "European gay extravaganza for a whole week? Sign me the fuck up". And Eddie is in love at first sight with Stefano, the Italian representative for their year, but he doesn't know how to approach him since he only speaks Italian.

Cue to two weeks of rehearsal where Eddie sends him flowers/other gifts to his changing room with poorly-google-translated Italian messages and downloads Duolingo in hopes he turns out to be a linguistic prodigy.

It's only during the Carpet that he realizes, by listening to Stefano talk with the press, that not only he speaks perfect English, but he also has double Italian/American citizenship and his actual name is Steve.

"So Steve, do you have any Eurovision crushes?" is the last question.

"Oh, I have my eyes on Australia, I'll leave it up to you to guess which one of them is it" he winks at the camera and goes away.

More brainrot here

#I'm sorry but the brainrot is real #i love eurovision #i love steddie #it had to happen #also I can see Stobin partecipating as a duo #everyone would think they're the boring romantic duo #and then they shock the audience with some over the top and weird performance about ice cream/sailors #I can see it all #steddie #steddie prompt #steve and eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson

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curi0us-gh0st · 1 year

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They are in love with you! (Bada L. & K. Heeyun)

pairings: Bada Lee!unexpected visitor x fem!reader!trainee, Kim Heeyun!teacher x fem!reader!trainee.

word count: ± 1 k

genre: fluffy, suggestive, jealous, very jealous.

summary: you were rehearsing with your dance teacher and during it there was an atmosphere between you, so you were interrupted by a new dancer in the building, who shamelessly flirted with you and your teacher doesn't like it.

warnings: threesome, teasing, reader is confused between two - she doesn't know who to choose, reader finds them both very attractive, bad English (??), Bada being possibly misspelled as band and nothing 🥹, etc.

a/n: aaa, I love them, I can't stop thinking about one without thinking about the other fighting for attention! both competing to help and be an option when you need help with a dance 😩😩 (can we say it was revised? Sorry for the male pronouns, the translation always gets it wrong! 🥹)

A tired sigh left her lips as she did her best to stretch into the position her teacher demonstrated. Raven eyes watching every movement and how her body was, she approached and unexpectedly, placed her hands on her waist.

"Make your spine a little straighter." She spoke softly, almost like a whisper.

An 'ok' left her lips, as she tried to maintain the correct position and tried a few more times, repeating the steps until asking for a break.

"You're doing well." She assured, with a cute smile on her face and a little sweat running down her forehead. "Just stay in place for that part!"

"Thanks unnie, I'll do my best!" You thanked him, sitting on the floor as you tried to get some air.

A comfortable silence fell in the room, just the two of you, too shy to broach any topic other than practice.

"Jagiya." Heeyun's voice sounded, his eyes looking at her. She was so close now.

"Yes?"

The older woman was sitting next to her, a pink tint present on her cheeks. She was nervous.

"How can I say this?" She paused for a moment and you laughed at her. "Do you have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend? I know an idol can't date according to the rules, but-"

“Teacher, I don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend.” she smiled cutely at her as her teacher shook her head.

"If so, would you like to go out with me?" She had a smile and her eyebrows raised, eager for you to accept.

You quickly blushed at the proposal, surprised. You never thought your beautiful teacher would ask you out on a date. Plus, she was older than you, what didn't she find interesting about someone her age?

Well, Heeyun didn't care about age, she liked you from the moment she saw you. You were and are so kind and polite to anyone, your efforts to improve your dance moves, staying late at the studio even after she dismissed you, to review steps you couldn't do right.

Whenever she arrived, you hugged her and asked if everything was ok, if she was eating well and if she wasn't feeling any pain that could affect her training, in addition to checking if she wasn't too tired after performing with an idol or group. who performed the night before.

You were cute, so careful and determined.

"It's okay if you don't want to. I'd just like to-" Heeyun was startled after taking a long time to respond, scratching the back of her neck to ease the tension she felt.

"Oh- No, no." You replied and she had a sad expression due to her denial. “Sorry, I mean, yes. I'd like to go out with you, Heeyun-nnie!" You smiled brightly as you hugged her.

"Great!" She said stroking her back and pulling away to look at her face.

A smile on her face as she looked at her excitedly. Her eyes raked over his features, his rosy cheeks, his half-closed eyes, his curved lips. “So beautiful”, she thought.

You caught her looking and smiled again. "What were you looking at, unnie?" She asked to wake him from his trance.

His eyes focusing on her eyes and between her lips, she wet her own lips while blatantly staring at her.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” She asked gently, as she watched her face turn into a tomato.

"Oh. S-sure." You allowed it.

She approached slowly, her eyes closing, their lips brushing, Heeyun feeling the creaminess of her lipstick, before she could kiss him, the door was knocked. Making you move away immediately, both with red tones on your cheeks, she went to answer the bedroom door. Coming face to face with a tall, very pretty girl with a big smile on her face.

"Hey! Good afternoon, sorry to interrupt. My name is Bada, and well, I'm behind the supervision room. I'm lost." She scratched the back of her head.

Bada's eyes pass over Heeyun's shoulders, seeing you packing your things to leave.

“The supervision room is upstairs, I can take you there. We have already finished our training.” She shrugged and turned to check on you.

"Oh, perfect! Thank you..." Bada waited for her to say her name.

"Heeyun. Kim Heeyun." She smiled, shaking Bada's hand.

"Teacher, well I'll see you at the next practice. I'm on my way, you can text me." You warned upon seeing Bada's unfamiliar figure. "Hello." You waved.

"Hey babe." Bada smiled seductively, making her cheeks turn red. "You are very beautiful. Are you an artist yet?" She asked curiously.

Of course, Heeyun was jealous, being excluded from the conversation and seeing a stranger flirting with her crush. She snorted softly to respond to the taller girl.

"She is. She's training for a comeback." Heeyun answered for you. "You can't be old enough to flirt with her." She commented nonchalantly.

"Unnie!" You caught her attention.

"Oh, don't worry, sweetheart." The unknown girl assured him. “I'm not that old, I look very young. And well, your student also seems to be of legal age, no problem.” She shrugged.

An angry sigh left Heeyun's lips, before she grabbed her cell phone to take the minx to the supervision room.

"Whatever it is." She snorted. "Come on, I'll take you there. I'll send you a message." She said goodbye to you and started walking.

"See you around too, kitten!" The unknown girl said to you, as she waved until she disappeared next to her teacher.

Since that day, you started seeing the girl frequently in the yg training building, maybe she was training and evaluating the new trainees.

After a while, you had a decent conversation and got to know her name, Bada Lee. She said she was a famous choreographer and didn't know how you didn't know her from the first meeting.

She laughed silly when you told her that you were very distracted and that several times - you either didn't remember, or forgot someone, no matter what the person was to you.

On the one hand, you were very happy to have met her, she was very funny, provocative and seductive. On the other hand, someone was not happy, embarrassed by the sudden proximity of the two girls.

Heeyun certainly got frustrated when she was with you while eating ice cream and walking around Seoul, and you definitely couldn't stop talking about Bada and her work, or how you didn't recognize her at first.

She wanted you to look at her, she was with you since your debut, you should see her and her efforts to get closer to you.

"Are you paying attention?" Heeyun asked again after seeing you on your phone again.

"Oh- Sorry unnie, I was talking to-" She rolled her eyes knowing who it was.

"I know, I know. Bada." She huffed impatiently, you frowned at Heeyun's behavior.

“We can continue, I’m going to turn off my cell phone.” You said, leaving your phone in your bag and approaching her.

"It doesn't matter. I'll... I'll leave." Heeyun said, upset.

"Hey, unnie. Are you mad?" She paused. "From me? Did I do something wrong?" She asked worriedly.

"No, just... Just forget it!" She said louder as she looked at everything but you.

A knock on the door was heard and a head was poked into the opening, Bada Lee was in her training room and when Heeyun saw her, she snorted as she saw you running up to her.

"Hello Hello!" Bada said excitedly before fully entering the room, hugging her body. "How are you, Jagiya?"

The nickname made Heeyun roll her eyes in jealousy, walking to pack her own things to leave.

"Hi, Bada-unnie! I'm fine and you?" She smiled, letting go of the taller woman.

"Good, I'm great." She smiled and watched Heeyun pack her bag. "I came here to ask if you and your beautiful teacher would like to have dinner tonight. On me!" She said excitedly.

"Ah, dinner? Me and Heeyun-nnie? Oh, that's amazing! What do you think, unnie?" She turned to see Kim walking towards her.

"What?"

"Bada-unnie is asking us to dinner tonight." she smiled gently at Heeyun, telepathically asking her to agree to come along.

"Us? Me, you and her?" Heeyun was confused. "Why me too?"

“Because you’re beautiful too, just like Y/N! We got to know each other better, I ended up ‘stealing’ his student with my charm.” Bada joked, smiling smugly.

"Uh- What are you saying?" Heeyun asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Y/N told me she was jealous because I like her too, don't worry! I don't mind sharing her with you, if you go out with us, on a date of course." Bada proposed.

"To divide?" She asked, almost lecturing Bada that you weren't something to share with other people, before saying something.

"I think it would work... I like you both, and you're both hot, heavens - I think I died and ended up in heaven." You rambled drawing a confused look from Heeyun.

"Come on, baby, take it." Bada encouraged. You joined Bada with puppy dog eyes so there was no chance of your teacher denying it.

"Ah! You guys are weird!" She complained. "Okay, I went out with you guys, but... But don't exclude me." She asked.

"Don't worry, we'll give you plenty of attention." Bada teased before you slapped her shoulder.

"You guys are so dirty!" Heeyun complained as she turned around to play hard to get, before the two of you hugged her and celebrated her acceptance.

When you stopped jumping, you and Heeyun received a kiss from Bada who was so excited and you automatically blushed.

"I'm so glad you guys said yes!"

No matter who, you have to agree that Bada touched your hearts in some way.

#👻 gh0st fic !#fluffy #kpop fic #kpop #kim heeyun #heeyun #kim heeyun x reader #heeyun x reader #bada lee #bada lee x reader

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eatingfireflies · 6 months

Text

I want to talk about this thing

And I have a proposal:

The name of Dr Ratio's warp event is connected to this and, incidentally, Aventurine

Disclaimer: 1) I'm not normal or rational about Dr Ratio. 2) The conclusion is supported only by the English translation as far as I know. 3) Maybe the conclusion is a bit of a leap but I'm serious about everything else.

Let's go!

The conversation Aventurine and Acheron had towards the end is probably up there with End of Evangelion for me in terms of comforting. There's something comforting about Acheron's Nihility because there's still a drop of colour in there and she thinks it's enough. It's the kind of emptiness that accepts anything and don't we all need a little black hole to chuck all our worries into? 🥲

Before the 'grand finale', Aventurine says that sleep is a rehearsal of death. After his death, Acheron agrees and adds that we sleep in order to prepare for the real thing.

And then Aventurine asks her a question:

And Acheron's answer is: this isn't true and Aventurine knows this himself. We don't get born to die. There's no reason for being born, just like there is no meaning in life.

(There's only chance. In stories, things happen for a reason but life isn't story-shaped.)

So: there is no meaning in life. But the way we live our lives gives meaning to our deaths.

Then she tells him to look at his pocket because his friend has already given him the answer.

And I was like 'Finally !! I've been waiting for this reveal!' because what can be said at this moment that could help Aventurine?

There are 2 phases in his plan:

1) Prove that death is possible in the dreamland. Since all the visitors in Penacony are protected by Harmony, this is pretty hard to do but not impossible. We know other people have done it before. Aventurine uses Acheron the emanator of Nihility to cut through the Harmony protection and finish him off.

And Aventurine wins his wager! But the plan doesn’t end there.

2) Move forward to the Real Penacony somehow and investigate the truth about the Watchmaker. And then figure out how to come back. Which honestly sounds like a tall order, but what else can Aventurine do?

Well, he can stop at phase 1.

Acheron says that the conclusion of phase 1 is a win-win situation for the IPC, which is true. Aventurine's death will give the IPC a reason to investigate Penacony and the Family. We know Jade and the others aren't even allowed to go into the dreamscape, but with the death of the IPC envoy, they'll have the right to make some demands from the Family.

If Aventurine stops here, he still would have won.

We know from his conversation with his future self that he's tired and ready to stop. He wants to come home and be with his family.

Aventurine is pretty much a mess: he's a child blessed by Gaiathra Triclops, which gives him godly luck. This luck has prevented him from dying countless times before (even the times when he was actually fine with it). He wants to die but also he's terrified of... dying?

Truly embodying the 'Why is it so hard to die, so impossible to live?'* vibe.

(*From Tanith Lee's The Secret Books of Paradys 1, if you're interested)

Or maybe more accurately, he's terrified of losing everything just like he did in Sigonia. You can look at it in 2 ways: without Mama Fenge's blessing, Kakavasha would have died with the rest of the Avgin. Or Kakavasha's luck came at the expense of literally everything he holds dear.

With Acheron's help, he has finally achieved the death his own luck has been protecting him from. So why should he move forward?

Well, let's see what Acheron meant when she said Aventurine's friend has the answer.

And I... have no idea.

The underlying message here is easy enough to understand: Acheron has already answered Aventurine's question. He can move forward and keep living because that's what will give his eventual death more meaning. But hearing this from Acheron is a bit of a cold comfort: she accepts everything and also views everything impartially.

Ratio's note is a reminder to Aventurine that someone in the waking world is personally invested in Aventurine's well-being. Not because of what Aventurine can do for the IPC (as a consultant, I assume Ratio gets paid whether Aventurine succeeds or not, but also Aventurine has already succeeded with Phase 1).

And not because Ratio gets anything out of it... well, the Stellaron files maybe? But he already has that. Or whatever it is he went to Penacony for, because the two of them are being cagey about it.

Whatever it is, Ratio has already gotten what he wanted. This note is an extra then, something that he gave Aventurine because he wanted to.

I'll come back to what I think he meant, but I need to talk about the Jp translation (sorry I know I should check the original Cn instead but I don't know Cn at all 😭 it's hard enough for me to catch the nuance in Jp let alone a language I can't parse at all), because the word used is different and this is why I'm unsure.

Post by a Jp user about Ratio's note. I can't post a screencap because there's no more space 🥹 But here's the text:

「処方箋」

夢の中で不可能なのは「死」ぬことではなく、「熟睡」することだ。生きろ。幸運を祈る。

In this note, Ratio uses 熟睡 (jukusui), which means deep sleep. This is deep uninterrupted sleep, the kind that you wake up from feeling refreshed. Or the kind that you have when you take sleep meds. Or the kind that you have when you're contented with your life and not burdened with ambition or anxieties or curiosity.

I don't know.

We know that it's possible to sleep in the dreamscape because Ratio wakes Aventurine up in the beginning of the quest. At the very least, he seemed to be dreaming so I assume he was asleep? And they seem to be in the dreamscape because there's an origami bird tail behind him... except Dr Blues also appears in reality so maybe we can't rule anything out just yet.

I'm not 100% sure what Ratio means about 熟睡. But what about 'Dormancy'?

This is easier. The disclaimer here is I'm not a big fan of the English translation in general (especially the way Dr Ratio was translated in English) but I'll let myself have this.

Dormancy is (thank you wiki) a period in an organism's life cycle when growth, development, and (in animals) physical activity are temporarily stopped. It's also connected to 'deep sleep'. Hey, we're getting somewhere!

Basically, hibernation. Ratio seems to be confirming what we already know: the dream is falling apart because everything in the universe will succumb to Nihility in the end. Maybe the dream was created to preserve a memory (just like how the IPC was preserving Chadwick's memory in Penacony), but the dream is also starting to crumble.

Maybe this isn't the most comforting thing to tell Aventurine, but it does confirm what he probably already suspected (about the truth behind Penacony) and it also tells him that change is constant. Moving forward means he could potentially get out of a situation he doesn't like.

And he does move forward. He tells his past self that there will come a time in the future when he'll come home to his family, but not now. For now he can keep changing and making his own meaning.

Dr Ratio's warp banner is called Panta rhei. 'Everything flows', which says that things are always in a state of flux (change). For example, you can't step into the same river twice because the water is moving and is constantly getting replaced (thanks again, wiki). This is the same about humans: we are always changing both physically and mentally. We both are and are not (wiki again).

Doesn’t it sound like what he said in his doctor's prescription?

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail spoilers #dr ratio #hsr aventurine #penacony #d metas #cw death and nihilism

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wabatle · 5 months

Note

hi hi I would like to request project sekai boys (specifically tsukasa★)

Like they already like each other but they haven't said it yet

and there is a situation where they and the reader end up having their first kiss accidentally and having an unexpected reaction? (I don't know how to explain how else it would be in a funny way?? simple, tsukasa goes very well in a situation like this, like SO CUTE)

This was translated into English as it's not my native language, if anything is wrong I'm sorry

Anyway, I love your work hahaha thank you ♡

RAHHHH you were right this is so cute

☆~Pjsk boys with an accidental first kiss

(wa)batle nonsense (author's note):

once upon a time there was a song called Gekokujou that wabatle cannot stop listening to

warnings: none/all fluff

☆~Tsukasa Tenma

To have an accidental kiss with him, I would say during a rehearsal he was probably getting a little too crazy and ended up tripping and pulling you down with him

And look at that, whoops, your lips accidentally landed on his!

After you apologize profusely, he would also apologize and tell you he liked you and when you tell him you like him back he would kiss you again

I can just imagine the rest of wxs watching this like :0

“Um, actually, (name), I love you, so would you be my co-star?”

☆~Rui Kamishiro

I’m sorry, but this was not an accident

His robots ‘malfunctioned’ and ‘accidentally’ hit you into him, causing your lips to crash together

He’d put his hands on your shoulders and ask if you’re okay

When you say yes and apologize for kissing him, he’d say it was okay and that he actually enjoyed it

Tsukasa can tell Rui did it on purpose but he doesn’t want to ruin this for you guys

“Oh, no need to apologize, (name). I actually quite enjoyed it.”

☆~Akito Shinonome

i used wanderer's thirst in the picture teehee☆

You were trying to grab something from behind Akito, and when you looked up, he was right there, and your lips accidentally touched

Akito takes multiple steps back, blushing and covering his mouth

You apologize and explain what just happened and how it was an accident

An is probably in the background like “just ask her out already”

So he does

He’ll say that he really likes you and that he wants to go out with you

“Uh… (Name)... I really like you, so don’t worry about the kiss. Will you go out with me?”

☆~Toya Aoyagi

i used gekokujou event toya in the picture teehee☆

I’m sorry I’m just gonna go with the same situation as akito 😭

He probably jumped in surprise, and blushed a lot

He also tries to hide his blushing because he’s getting really shy and embarrassed

You apologize and tell him it was all an accident

He apologizes too, but then he looks away and tells you he likes you

“Y-yeah, I’m sorry too… But would you be willing to go out with me…?”

#pjsk #pjsk x reader #akito shinonome #akito shinonome x reader #toya aoyagi #toya aoyagi x reader #rui kamishiro #rui kamishiro x reader #tsukasa tenma #tsukasa tenma x reader #wabatle writes

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veenus777 · 1 year

Text

◜Wilbur Soot Boyfriend Headcanons◞

┊ ᝰ﹕SFW, please ignore my Google translate English

♤ This man is a gentleman! He would be romantic but not in big things but in small ones.

♧ He would buy you your favorite snacks, memorize the way you make your coffee just so he could make it how you like it.

♤ He would want to know everything about you but not just about your life but about the things you like.

♧ And speaking of which, he would learn everything just to be closer to you, your favorite book? He will read it, do you like a band? He will listen to all the albums, are you a fan of a series? He will spend the entire morning watching just to have something to talk to you about.

♤ he's the careful type, he'd "fight" with you for not taking good care of yourself but deep down he knows he loves doing that, like always taking two sweaters when he leaves the house or making sure you've eaten that day.

♧ Talking about food, every time he needed to go out in the morning, whether for a Lovejoy rehearsal or a recording, he would make a point of waking up early just to prepare your favorite coffee and leave it on the counter with a note for when you wake up .

♤ Obviously he would take you to band rehearsals and take your opinion very seriously about the songs.

♧ You would have a VIP pass to go to all the shows and you always do, but when you can't attend Wilbur becomes a little less excited and anxious about the show, For him, you are like a lucky charm that makes everything perfect and incredible.

♤ He would include you in his group of friends, on trips and recordings and they will welcome you very well, but don't think you will be immune to Charlie or Tommy's jokes.

♧ If you are also a content creator, it will take you in front of the camera even if you are not have a public relationship, you will always be present in Tommy's vlogs or in some Sorry videos even if for just a few seconds.

♤ Talking about the Sorry brothers I feel like Wilbur would pull you into this (if you're a public person) even if little by little, it would all start with a few appearances here and there and then it would become something more regular and when you see it it's already part of the cast, but like Phil you try to be the point of balance amidst the general chaos.

♧ If you are not a public person you would still be present but behind the cameras, always helping backstage with clothes, makeup or video ideas.

♤ You would probably adopt a small animal, from the most common options like cats or dogs or something more different like a rabbit or ferret. Ps: they would probably have names related to music, either referencing a song or names of singers they both like.

♧ He would be the more reserved type of person in public and with little to no PDA, but he would still hold hands or have his arm on your shoulder.

♤ However, when you are alone Oh My God! this man is pure neediness, he would love hugs and physical touches, or just quality time where you are both in the same place focused on your own things but still together.

♧ I feel like he has three moods: The singer, the older brother and the boyfriend

♤ The singer happens when he is super focused and committed to his career, he has a dream and definitely wants to achieve it and he works hard for it.

♧ The older brother usually happens when he joins Tommy and Charlie, he is chaotic and playful, always making jokes and being sarcastic and picking on his "younger brothers" Tommy and Charlie.

♤ The third is something that few people see, it's the soft boy Wilbur, it's when he's not all that chaos and shouting, he just hangs out, listens to music or a movie and relaxes without having to worry about his career or the Internet for a while.

.˚｡ 💋 .˚｡ 💌

#wilbur soot #qsmp wilbur #dsmp #qsmp #wilbur x reader #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot x you #headcanon #imagine #lovejoy #sorry boys

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mysticficti0n · 1 year

Text

All my Attention part 3

warnings- swearing, mentions of a dildo, sexual tension, kissing, quite fluffy

words- 3.1k

If you'd like to read the previous parts → All my attention series

a/n- so if you're new here I am British and cannot speak any German, I speak a little French, Spanish and Italian but German- no. I also do not trust Google translate so this is gonna be like an avatar thing (if you've seen the newest one Jake says that their language just became normal or something along those lines) so in reality this is all in German, you as a reader know German but, its wrote in English... make sense? no... well, sorry this part has taken a while- I'm on holiday atm so I probably wont be posting till I'm home BUT I didn't want you to be without, also fucking thank you all so much for the response to the first and second part! I can't believe the response to it, I could've cried because im a baby , love you all 🤍

(also to the people who've sent requests they will be coming soon!)

┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑

backstory- you are the 5th member of Tokio Hotel and you always thought the love was equally platonic between you and a certain guitarist... but what if that all changed?

"exactly what I said- we can't keep doing the same thing at every show" Georg spoke shovelling eggs into his mouth, the band and our runners, managers, directors, and everyone else who I didn't know exactly what they did for us... were all sat on tables eating breakfast before rehearsal "because I'm sorry if we go on tour I wont wanna blow my brain out because i'm playing by your side for the millionth time"

"yeah but there's a thing called a set list, we have to stick with it otherwise" Bill leaned closer into the table facing all of us "otherwise we'd get shit and we all know how Felix will react- we all remember last time" he had a point, Felix as nice as he can act is a massive cock, once in a performance we decided to all go to the front of that stage to say goodnight- but Felix didn't like that and he ended up cancelling our next 3 shows to 'teach us a lesson'

"even so" the bassist grumbled, the conversation fell short as we all continued to eat, I had a bowl of granola, greek yogurt, raspberries and strawberries, soon the scrapping of a chair pulled me from eating my breakfast, I looked up to see Tom in a huge black shirt and basketball shorts "hungry?" Georg joked seeing the pile of food on his friends plate

"a bit" Tom laughed grabbing part of a waffle "whats that?" he spoke looking at me, that was the first time he spoke to me since what happened only an hour before, I think we were both in a shock state still, but I also couldn't deny how good it felt

"granola, yogurt and fruit" I spoke back digging my spoon into the mix and pulling it back so he could have a taste, he bent forward taking the food and hummed

"Tha actuwally gwood" he spoke mouth still full

"ew Thomas swallow for fucks sake!" I spat seeing him nearly choke the food back up "Tom!" I called pushing myself away from the table "whats wrong with you" I laughed I look to see the rest of the boys laughing as well at his stupidity

"we can't go anywhere nice with you two" Bill commented throwing a napkin to his brother who wiped his mouth and finished his laugh

"sorry- I don't know why that was so funny to hear you say" he snorted, I finally sat back in my place next to Gustav who was eating his food with a smile

"all I said was swallow your food" I argued back looking at the guitarist

"normally me saying that to girls-" I rolled my eyes at his words but everyone else chuckled along, after another half an hour (mostly so Tom could finish his monstrous plate) we were bringing our bags down from the hotel room to put in the bus, we all got in the lift which I don't think was made for 5 people, and 2 of those 5 being over six foot tall

"can you move over I can't fucking breath" I spoke shoving Bill back bit

"now I can't breath you cunt!" Bill called back pushing me back laughing, soon the intercom spoke and the doors opened and I made my way out but was soon tackled by the black haired singer

"BILL WHAT THE FUCK" I shouted with a laugh, I crawled from his grip and began running away seeing him get up to and following my movement "AHHH!" I screamed turning a corner and then slipping past a cleaner cart

"Y/N COME HERE!" I herd Tom voice shout as I sprinted to him with his twin hot on my tail, I watched him open his hotel room and I ran as quick as I could into it and slammed the door spitting out a chuckle hearing the boy hit the door

"BITCH!" Bill sang followed by his own laugh and steps faded away from the door, I sat on Tom's bed and lay my head back into the sheets catching my breath hearing the door open again

"you good now?" He asked smiling at me "I didn't realise you were that fast- I swear you weren't when we were kids"

"excuse me! people change" I answered kicking him slightly, he grabbed my ankle stopping me from moving anymore- I melted at his touch which wasn't a usual thing

"mhm, you changed in a good way babe don't worry about it" he flirted looking down at me the smile changing into a smirk

"you're in a very odd mood today mr Kaulitz" I spoke sitting myself as he let go of my ankle

"only for you-" he leant down, pressing his head on mine "and if I remember properly, who moaned when we kissed earlier? hum?" his hand was now resting on the base of my neck "who was it Y/n?"

"I don't know Tom" I answered seeing him bite his lip at my words "maybe you imagined it?" we always played around, flirting but this was different... very different

"I have a fucking good imagination then don't I?" Tom pulled away slightly, his his fingers brushed my skin as he let go and he held my chin, lifting my face to look up to him "....I prefer looking at you like this" I blushed at his words, they made me feel soft

"bet you say that to all the girls" he seethed rolling his eyes

"only the special ones...and you're really special!"

"way to ruin a mood" I huffed

"I'm joking Y/n/n, you just look hot below me ts'all" his hand held me tighter and he bent to reach my lips, he pressed hard humming into the feeling and sucked my bottom lip causing me to have to hold back any noise I threatened to make as I didn't want a repeat of earlier "I better get packing" he spoke pulling back creasing my cheek with his thumb leaving me with a unfulfilled feeling

"yeah.." I pouted, he looked back down at me and grinned

"god don't look at me like that... fuck- stop now, I've gotta pack" I stood with him as he turned to grab a tossed shirt from the floor, his hand glided down my thigh leaving a trail of goosebumps- he knew what he was doing, making me blush and shudder as his hand left me "oopsie"

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we all sat backstage kicking our heals as the crowd arrived, but we also knew the crowd was special- our families were watching us tonight, I decided I'd wear a more appropriate outfit (not like my family hadn't seen pictures of me in mini-skirts and tube tops saying 'pouty') I looked alot like Tom, my baggy jeans hanging around my hips with a matching tank top to him "5 minuets!" a runner called making us all rise from our places

"excited?" Georg smiled shoving me lightly

"I can't wait" I spoke pinning around to the music that began, Bill looked back at me with a smile followed by a wink

"3...2...1" Felix called and Tom, Bill entered the stage erring a eruption from the crowd "go!" Georg and I walked on and smiled seeing the sea of fans watching us with grins plastering their faces and finally Gustav entered

"GOOD EVENING TRIER" Bill called holding the mic close "ARE YOU EXCITED!" though the lights were blinding I could make out the shapes of bodies from my place "ugh we have a show n' a half for you all tonight, and this show is very special to us- one, this is our last show here in the lovely Trier and- most importantly our biggest fans are here tonight" the lights moved to the box above the crowd and for the first time in weeks I saw them: mom, dad, Stella, the Kaulitz, Listing and Schäfer family, I nearly cried waving to them and blowing them kisses "so tonight is going to be the best show we've ever done guys! ARE YOU READY" I watched as my family cheered and little Stella clapped her hands. Tom's guitar began the start of Scream followed by Gustav and Bill ran back to main stage, the crowd danced and jumped along "SCREAM" they called back to us at every chorus making me laugh.

The night carried on and everything was going amazingly, and it came time for me to take centre stage, I brought my mic and herd people call my name "so- this is our newest piece of music, I originally wrote when I was in a very bad place, and as you all know I'm back up singer so usually I don't perform up here- so close to everyone so I'm a little nervous but.. but it means a lot to me so.. this is 'please don't jump'" claps filled the room and Tom joined me giving me a nod as he plucked away followed by Gustav and Georg, Bill was in the corner sipping a water watching me like a proud dad

I let my self get lost in the music, stomping my feet and twirling around "don't let memories go! of me and you" I sang watching my family stare in awe, I began up stage onto the platform where I stood teetering on the edge, all lights went off besides the one on me "PLEASE DON'T JUMP! DON'T JUMP, AND IF ALL THAT CAN'T HOLD YOU BACK, THEN I'LL JUMP FOR YOU" I finished bowing to the crowd who burst out with claps, screams and calls making me jump at the sudden noise

"Y/N Y/N Y/N!" people began to chant making me well up, Gustav ran up the platform steps holding my hand gently so I could get down the steps as it was tricky in platforms, hand in hand we met with Tom who smiled widely mouthing 'they're proud' I looked to see my mom whistling, soon the five of us stood at the tip of that walkway, people reached for us, calling us all over

"THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!" we all shouted bowing once more as the light darkened, we all walked off and back to our room where there were drinks set out and towel "shit Im so thirsty" Georg spoke grabbing the bottle and cracking it open as we all took our first proper breath and relaxed

"erm- sorry I know you got off stage but someones hear" Gayle, my runner spoke holding the door open a little more

"BABA!" a small voice called, I looked down to see Stella dressed in a Tokio Hotel shirt and orange leggings running toward me, her blonde hair tied into piggy tails

"STELLA!" I cried falling to my knees pulling her into my arms "oh my god I missed you so much" I whispered into her neck, her bright eyes looked into mine and I couldn't let go of her, I pressed kisses to her chubby cheeks

"Oh my- Y/n dear! another voice came in and I snapped my head to see my mother, tear stained face reaching for me, I watched as Stella ran onto Gustav who picked her up hugging her tightly and I ran to my mom who was closely followed by the rest of our families "sunshine I missed you!"

"I missed you too mom" I cried as she stroked my hair away from my face, she let go and I turned to see my dad who had Tom in a bro-hug

"aww hello Poppy!" he spoke, I nearly fell apart hearing my nickname again, and he grabbed me into the hug "aw that was amazing kids" he spoke letting go of us, I stood speaking with them until I herd the voice of my sister

"Tommy!" she laughed and everyones faces snapped to her

"SHE SAID MY NAME!" The dreadheaded boy called lifting her into his arms and tickling her "ME BEFORE BILL!" he danced seeing her smile

"Hey! Stella I thought you liked me more!" Bill huffed squishing the cheeks of her face

"am I the better twin?...yeah! I know" Tom scoffed bouncing her on his hip, our families laughed and all began hugging each other

"darlings that show was fantastic and the crowd! I couldn't believe it" Simone, the twins mom smiled "I couldn't be more proud"

"thanks mom" Bill hugged pressing a kiss to her cheek "wait..erm hold on!" we all watched as the singer ran out calling for something, I turned to see Stella smiling and reaching for all the boys, Tom, Georg and Gustav were sat on the floor singing songs and twirling her around, the song finished and Stella did a bow making the boys laugh at her antics

"Baba!" the little blonde called reaching for me, Tom realised and quickly scooped her up so she was lying on her tummy with her arms out she began airplane sounds (but kept interrupting herself with her chuckles) "Brrrrrrrrr!" she grinned showing her two small teeth

"aww my baby airplane" I spoke reaching for her as Tom got closer, the two reached me and I took my sister from his arms spinning her while pressing a kiss to her cheek again "you're a very cute plane Stella"

"Plane!" she repeated getting a 'yeah a plane' from the guitarist who couldn't stop smiling

"Okay... everyone come stand over here were getting a photo!" Bill came back in grabbing his family, the line up was the Kaulitz' far left, then my family the Y/l/n's, then the Schäfer's and finally Listing's "We want a few!" Bill called to the person holding the camera

"1...2....3" everyone did a wide smile, even Stella knew what was going on "perfect, do you want another one of these then we can do different stuff like.. the point?" its like a lightbulb went off it the taller twins head

"okay yes... then the point, then serious faces, then one with us 5 a bit more infront of our families, then on chairs" he rambles while setting us all back out for the next 3000 photo's we'd be taking

I don't think I've ever herd the numbers 1,2 and 3 said so much in my life but after half an hour the pictures were finally done and in fairness they looked great "well we best get going" Christine, Georg's mom spoke grabbing her bag

"oh.." we began before Simone whispered something to her husband

"why don't you all come stay round ours? we can have a family night, drinks, games, food" me and the band cheered, quickly grabbing our stuff and getting ready to walk out- we knew that today being a day show, fans would be waiting for us- we decided the safest option was to give our families over to security along with our bags and walk out on our own

"okay Stella we'll see you in a little while okay?" I hugged her once more before giving her over to dad who was carrying her out, we waited till we knew they were in their cars and I came the time we'd be walking out, with one last check of the room we began outside, screams filled our ears, people threw flowers to us, cards, papers and... thongs- but we picked the flowers up. a few people grabbed at my clothing but besides that it was a safe 3 minuet walk from the building to the bus

"they were loud" Gustav spoke getting into his favourite seat, at the very back on the left "Georg come sit!" he called to the bassist who jumped through the seats, leaving Bill who liked sitting in the front then me and Tom sat in the middle two seats

"god I fucking loved that show" I spoke belting myself in, Tom did the same and our hands brushed- its not something that many would really worry about, it was an accident.. but I could help go hot at the feeling

"it was so good, I feel like we'll be in Felix's good books" the dreaded boy spoke getting a nod from the band, we finally began the drive home, it would only take around an hour and a half so I got myself comfy which meant me resting my legs over Tom- this was a normal thing as usually sometime around the trip we'd switch and I can accidentally put my cold drink on his legs while he's asleep definitely not making him yelp- no not at all...

"can you take my shoes off, you're closer" I spoke tapping his shoulder and with a huff he began unlacing the platforms, I sighed at the feeling of my feet going light and not having to lug those shoes around any more "thanks bab" I called leaning my head back, Tom got comfy to, scooting deeper into the seat and his hands lay on my legs drawing small shapes and humming a long to whatever song was on the radio

"wanna know something crazy?" He asked looking over at me to which I nodded "I haven't fucked a girl since Tuesday, and its Friday now" I pretend to be shocked, slapping my hands to my face

"holy shit! that is crazy!" he rolled his eyes "I can't even remember when I last fucked someone- probably around my birthday" I sighed slightly annoyed, not that I'm some sex freak who needs to be constantly fucked to live but... my birthday is in February and its now July

"damn... how do you go that long?" Georg spoke uncrossing his arms, being genuinely interested

"Notta clue... I-"

"Y/n I know whats in the back draw in your room" Bill turned showing a sinister smile

"Bill!" I called knowing exactly what he was on about

"ooo" the boys cooed making me go red, Bill laughed even harder pointing at my face "aww! she's embarrassed about her dil-"

"BILL SHUT IT!" I shouted flinging my empty water bottle at him making him cackle throwing his pillow at me

"IT'S BLACK!" He called and the 4 boys Burt out laughing again spluttering words and coughing at how much they were laughing

"oh my god you are all dicks!" I groaned trying to push myself as far back into my seat as I could, I even took my legs down from Tom who I could realised but I was way to embarrassed to give him a 'look'

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"he traffic isn't moving so were going to be a little later to the Kaulitz" Gregory our driver spoke facing us

"ugh" we all collectively sighed, its been over 30 minuets of just stand-still traffic, cars horns went off but nothing was moving and being a warm day in a quite packed van it was getting hot

we'd moved past the dildo conversation thanks to Tom who made a fool of himself by spilling water all down his shirt- I did wonder though, was it on purpose? to take away the attention from me... but anyways whatever it was, or even just it was an accident- my legs were back on his and he continued to draw little shapes

"I'm going to sleep" Bill spoke looking back to which we gave a nod, by we I mean me and Tom as the other two fell asleep a few minuets back, the van sound turned quiet as the radio was turned off

"wanna play a game?" Tom spoke quietly

"sure, which game?" I asked seeing a little grin appear to his face

"erm... eye spy?"

#tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader #00s #tokio hotel #tom kaulitz imagines #kaulitz twins #gustav schäfer #georg listing #bill kaulitz #Germany #🇩🇪#scream #monsoon

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oursecretescape · 7 months

Text

Forgotten

words: 7.5k

genre: angst

If my fate is to disappear like this, then this is my last letter - Let go xx TW: Mentions of anxiety, panick attack. Trad: anjinho = little angel. a/n: Hello, my babies. This story is the translation of ''Forgotten'' that I recently posted. I tried to make it as angsty as possible, hope I have achieved my goal. My apologies before hand for any grammar erros. English is not my first language. I suggest you all read it along with the saddest song you like. Well... with all that being said, I wish you a happy reading (or sad? lmao. dunno). Tell me later what y'all thought. ♥

"Hey! We'll be there soon. Sorry for the delay. Today's rehearsal took longer than expected. We're leaving now."

Received at 5 in the afternoon.

I take a quick glance at the clock, and it shows eight in the evening. A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I feel my heart drumming slowly in my chest, each beat amplifying my growing sense of unease.

I get up from the couch and reach for the umbrella swaying gently in the wind coming from the window. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, attempting to manage the sudden surge of fear and despair growing in my chest. My heart is racing, and my mind is in overdrive. A sense of mortality and suffocation, all rolled up into a single emotion: anxiety.

I sit down, sliding along the corridor wall. I try to control my breathing while attempting to steady the pounding of my heart. I think that dying in the hallway of a building would be so pointless and dull that it makes me laugh. A laugh, strained and devoid of emotion, but functional.

Heart rate normalizing. Labored, but controlled breathing. Mind stabilized.

I feel my face wet with tears. I wipe them away with trembling hands. When did I start crying? I rise from the floor, swaying a little. I take another deep breath and press the elevator button.

Dad always said that thinking of ridiculous things in difficult moments would help distract me. He was right, as he always was.

The cold, damp breeze of Seoul's streets warmed my soul. Its black skies, like darkness, covered with thick clouds, carried heavy raindrops that, upon impact, met my umbrella, creating beautiful melodies. It was comforting to hear the drops hitting the hard concrete; they reminded me that I wasn't crying alone.

It was thundering when I arrived at the destination. Bright streaks in the sky made the monument even gloomier. I found it ironic how everything matched my feelings. As I entered through the doors, I could already hear muffled cries. Sadness and suffering permeated the air, leaving me melancholic.

After a few more steps, I could see the person I love the most in the world greeting me with a beautiful smile. His eyes were shining like true rays of sunshine. I sit in front of him, sliding my fingers where his name rests. Lee Joon-Ho.

"Dad, I miss you so much," I say aloud, my voice cracking with emotion. "It's been incredibly lonely without you here. You have no idea how much I long for your company," I said, feeling the salty taste of tears. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring my friends to meet you like I promised. They're all caught up with their own lives, you know how it is. But don't worry, I'll bring them next time when they're less busy," I chuckle, with no emotion.

I hear footsteps behind me. I stand up excitedly, my heart pounding, but this time as a sign of comfort. They didn't forget. I feel my face stretch into a small smile, which is quickly dissolved.

"Hello, young lady. Good evening," the guard gives me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to ask you not to linger too long on your visit today. The rain caused some minor leaks, and we'll have to close a little earlier."

"Oh okay, I understand," I responded in a whisper.

"I'm sorry. You have 10 minutes. I'll leave you alone," he said, bowing and leaving promptly.

I turn again, sitting on the floor.

"Dad, today I have to leave a little earlier. But don't worry, I'll be back soon," I feel the tears fall like the drops falling from the sky. "I love you so much," I say between sobs. "I miss you."

I stand up in desperation, running out the door, feeling the drops fall freely on my body, without the protection of the umbrella. It was as if I was washing away all the bad feelings flowing from my being.

Arriving home, I take a hot shower and change into comfortable clothes. The room were in dense darkness. It was just the rain and me. And my cat, who was rubbing against my leg, lay on my lap."

I feel my chest inflate with comfort at the presence of the little being and smile at the gesture.

With the phone in hand, I try to distract my restless mind. I see the Twitter icon and feel my heart pounding as if I shouldn't do this, but I do it anyway. The blue screen shining amidst the darkness of the room soon turns into white, leaving my vision blurred. I switch to dark mode and continue scrolling through my feed.

Within a few seconds, I see something that breaks my heart even more. Among the bursts of excitement from Armys, there are videos of the boys, my boys, having fun in a restaurant with her. They forgot about the visitation day because of her. Again, the reason why I was put aside is her.

Knocks on the door make me forget the feelings of jealousy and anger that burned in my body like fire. I hesitated to remove the furry creature from my lap, as it seemed so comfortable. With a little effort, I get up and walk to the door. Upon opening it, I see Adora's face in a comforting smile. Seeing a friendly face, I feel my tears fall freely on my face once again. She immediately drops the bags she was carrying and envelops me in a loving hug.

I can't say for how long we hugged. What I can say is that it was exactly what I needed at that moment. I feel my chest getting lighter as if all the bad feelings had been carried away by the embrace, and I feel grateful to Adora for that.

Slowly I pull away, and I can see her smile return twice as big.

"Better?" she asks, making me nod.

I step aside, and she enters, placing the food bags on the coffee table. I close the door and follow her.

"What did you bring?" I ask curiously, making her laugh.

"I knew food would cheer you up," she laughs. "I brought a lot of junk food. Sweet and savory cookies, ice cream, sweet and sour pork, hamburgers, and sodas."

"Soda?" I wonder. "Since when do you like fizzy drinks? You always said they gave you gas," I hold back a laugh.

"The soda is for you. For me," she reaches into the bag, pulling out two green bottles of soju. "I brought alcohol," she says sticking her tongue out as she shakes the bottles.

I smile at her little dance, but seeing her gummy smile reminds me of him. I feel the sadness wanting to return when I remember the videos, but I cast aside any bad feelings as I grab the ice cream container.

"I didn't want to bring it up, but I'm really sorry I wasn't there. You know how it is at BigHit. I couldn't leave the production until the work was finished," she explains, and I smile.

"It's okay. I understand," I whisper. "The important thing is that you're here now."

"About the boys..." she starts to say, but I quickly cut her off.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to talk about it."

"But you need to, Cassie. You know that. Keeping it all inside will only make it worse. You know you can trust me. Vent it out. I'm here," she holds my hand.

I close my eyes, nodding. I search within myself for the strength to let out everything I'm feeling. Everything that's hurting me. I bite my lower lip and open my eyes. It's going to be okay.

"It's been some time since my friendship with the boys started cooling off," I begin, feeling her squeeze my hand in comfort. "You know I met Tae before he became famous, and he's the one who introduced me to the rest of the boys. Since then, we've had a very strong friendship. We weren't always together, especially with the tours and my work, but we were close, like a real family. No matter how long we went without seeing each other, nothing changed, until recently," I sigh. "Park Ji-Hye showed up about 2 months ago, a few weeks before my dad passed away. She auditioned for the dancer position and passed the test," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I saw her audition," she says.

"So, since that day, I saw her getting closer and closer to the boys. They were always talking about how cool and funny she is, and, you know, I was happy for them. A new friendship is always good, especially for them, who are famous and always have to be careful with opportunists. But it never crossed my mind that she would take the place I had in their lives," I smile sadly. "They started visiting me much less. Calling me much less. Inviting me to the dorm or out much less. Until the day I literally became nothing to them," I look at Adora, whose face is red with anger.

"These..." I interrupted her.

"You don't want to lose your job, right?" I ask, laughing. "And you can't blame them either. She became their official dancer, which means wherever they go, she's with them," I shrug. "She's with them all the time, and that surely made them closer to her. Even more than me," I feel my eyes welling up. "I don't want to lose them, but I feel like I already did."

"Hey," she shakes me. "Calm down, breathe. I know they messed up. And they messed up badly, but it doesn't mean they've forgotten about you," Adora says, trying to comfort me.

"They forgot me the day my dad died, Adora. I'll never forget that. I feel like on that day, I died twice. I remember calling them in desperation, crying, not knowing what to do, feeling like my world was falling apart," I pause as I feel all the emotions returning. "And they said they were coming, but they never showed up," I continued after a few seconds of silence. "After that, they sent me a message explaining that Park Ji-Hye had gotten hurt dancing and they were with her at the hospital," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I remember. She just fell on her butt, but she made a scene like she broke her back. Everyone was freaking out at the company, even Bang PD. But in the end, it was just drama," she laments.

"After that, they didn't even visit me. Not even once," I laughed with no emotion. "Right after, they forgot my birthday. I understand that I wasn't excited at all because of my dad, but it wouldn't hurt to receive some supportive or congratulatory messages from them. I was so upset that I sent some sad texts. In less than thirty minutes, they were knocking on my door. We cried a lot, but I felt like a part of me had come back to life and that everything was going to be okay," I sarcastically laughed. "I couldn't have been more wrong, could I?" I asked.

"Cassie..."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. After today, I finally understood," I grab a spoon. "They found someone better than me. Someone who can be with them all the time and help them when they need it. I'm just sad that person isn't me. Not anymore," I shove the spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, to prevent the tears stuck in my throat from coming out.

For the rest of the night, Adora didn't bring up the subject again, and I was grateful for that.

A random movie played on TV, but my mind was far away. I looked to the side and saw Adora sleeping with her mouth open. A piece of cookie rested on her cheek while her hand lay above her head. I silently chuckled, covering us and then turning off the TV.

A distant ringing sound caught my attention. I tapped around the couch until I found the phone under the cushion. My eyes automatically closed from the sudden contact with the bright screen, but just as they closed, they widened.

After the first notification, thousands started to show up. My heart throbbed in my chest as my body was flooded with nervousness.

"Min PD: Cassie, please tell me you're there."

"Joonie: Please respond. We're sorry. It wasn't our intention not to show up..." The message appeared cut off because I hadn't unlocked the phone yet.

"Hobierto: Believe us, Cassie. Please, we know you're awake. Answer us."

"Jinnie: Cassandra, we would never do anything to hurt you. Please let us explain."

"Mochi: Answer the phone."

After that message, a group call popped up on the screen. I stared at it, battling the urge to answer. I sighed deeply and threw the phone back onto the couch because no matter how much I wanted to talk to them, I was still hurt. I didn't want to answer and end up fighting. Saying things without thinking and ending up in a worse situation. The best thing to do now was to rest.

I made myself comfortable on the bed we had arranged on the floor, and put the pillow over my head to block out the notifications. When I didn't see any changes, I pressed the power button on my phone and confirmed it right away. I lay back down and took a deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be okay. ——————————————————

It wasn't even dawn when I heard knock after knock. Disoriented, I got up, searching for where the noise was coming from until my feet led me to the front door. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall and got irritated to see it was six past two in the morning.

I swung the door open, ready to argue with whoever had woken me up so early after going to bed so late, but I lost my voice when I saw the seven people I loved most staring at me ty forlornly.

I felt two arms embrace me tightly, followed by two more until I lost count. Desperate whispers for forgiveness echoed in my ear, making me feel loved... until a certain moment. Memories of what had happened the night before made me wake up from the sleep I didn't know I was in. Slowly, I distanced myself from the seven, able to see the tears streaming down some of their faces and sadness emanating from the others.

"Cassie..." Jimin starts. "I'm so sorry. It wasn't our intention to leave you alone in such a difficult time. Please, believe us."

"We didn't come here to lie to you, Cassandra..." Namjoon says. "It really wasn't our intention. I know this is going to sound completely wrong, but we made a promise to Ji-Hye. We promised to take her out to celebrate her birthday since she's far from her family and would probably celebrate alone," I try to hide a grimace.

They couldn't miss her birthday, but could miss mine.

"As soon as we finished eating, we were going to come straight here. And we really were, Cas, really. But the company called saying we had to go there to finalize the last details for the album. It was then that we sent several messages in the group, but you didn't see any."

"That's why we're here," Taehyung says, interrupting Namjoon. "Cassie, listen to me. You're one of the most important people in my life. Sorry if lately my actions haven't shown that, but please, please, Cas, don't be mad at us. I couldn't bear to know that you're upset because of me," he whispers.

"Go to the dorms tonight. Let's talk about this calmly," Hoseok suggests.

I remain silent for a few minutes.

"Come on, please. Hum? Hum?'' Tae shakes my arm. ''You'll go, right? Say yes," he asks.

"Okay," I sigh deeply. "I'll go."

I feel arms wrapping around my body again, and I relax, enjoying the contact. This time, the hug lasted only a few seconds. The boys said goodbye, saying they needed to be at the company in a few hours.

"Tonight at 7. We'll be waiting for you," Yoongi said and then left.

I closed the door, trying to contain my excitement and the obvious smile on my face. As I turned to go back to bed, I was startled to see only Adora's head peeking out from behind the couch. She had a radiant smile on her face as she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Shut up," I say, making her laugh. ——————————————————

I look at the clock on the wall. It's 8:07 in the evening. Damn, I was late. I could already hear Adora's voice slowly emerging in my mind, saying that I should have listened to her and picked out my outfit earlier. Shaking my head, I focus on finishing getting ready. The last thing I needed right now was a lecture from my own mind.

I hear knocks and the doorbell ringing repeatedly.

"Shit," I mutter as I hop over to the door.

I try to put on my sock while walking to the door, but my unfailing plan soon becomes fallible when I trip over my own hand and fall on the floor. The knocks and the doorbell grow louder, and I feel irritation creeping in. "ALRIGHT, I'M COMING," I yell and pick myself up.

I walk back to the door with a pout and my hair completely tousled, covering my face. I take a deep breath, fix my hair, put on a fake smile, and finally open the door. As I see the seven people I love most in the world looking at me with confused faces, I feel my smile turn genuine, and the earlier irritation vanish as if it had never existed.

"Is everything okay? Why didn't you come?" I hear Taehyung ask as he scrutinizes me from head to toe."

"What happened? Something serious?" Seokjin asks, and I shake my head.

"No, guys, sorry. I almost died trying to choose a good outfit to wear and ended up running late, sorry," I explained laughing.

''What do you mean you almost died?" Jungkook asks as I watch their faces turn into a grimace."

"It was nothing, really," I reassure, taking a quick glance at Jungkook, who was holding back his laugh.

He knew it. I am sure he did.

"Are you sure you didn't... you know... fall on your ass?" he smirks. "I'm sure I heard a huge..."''

"Hobi," I said excitedly, "What do you have there?" I pointed to the bags he was carrying while Jungkook laughed.

That little prick.

''Food," he says, shaking the bags. ''We know how much you love eating''.

I chuckle and make way for them to enter. In a few minutes, the food was already on the coffee table, and an improvised bed was set up on the living room floor. I change into more comfortable clothes and join them.

"Look, before we start, we want you to know how sorry we are," Yoongi says.

"Yes... Sorry for not being there on the visitation's day," Jimin adds. "If there's anything you want to say, anything that's bothering you, please let us know. We'll fix it all, Cassie. ''he holds my hand.'' We want things to go back to how they used to be."

"We're here for you, Cas," Jin finishes, and I smile weakly.

I pause for a moment, feeling that it still wasn't the right time. So, I just sigh and shake my head.

"It's okay, guys. Really," I open with a smile. "Let's just watch this movie already. I'm dying to see who'll be the first one to cry and shake in fear like a little kitten." I say, trying to change the subject, and smirk when I realize it worked.

"I am sure it won't be me," Hoseok says with confidence. "Cause you know..." he shows off his muscles. "I'm a man," he pauses for a minute.

It doesn't take long until Hoseok's laughter fills the room, making everyone laugh.

"Who listens to him talking like this, doesn't even think the Gladiator sandal outside belongs to him," Jungkook says, making Hoseok look at him flabbergasted.

''Hey, what do you mean by that?'' he asks shookedt. ''It's fashionable''

"Yeah, Hobi. Sure is," Yoongi says, patting his shoulder.

''Why I don't believe you are being honest?'' Hoseok asks putting his finger under his chain. ''I'm going to expose you on Twitter. Or should I say X?''

''What? Are you into Xvideos?'' Namjoon asks as he returns.

Everybody stops and looks at him. When did he even leave to begin with?

"What were you doing, Joonie?" I ask, smirking at him. "Were you in the bathroom?" he nods as the rest of the boys laugh.

''Now we know why you are thinking naughtiness'' Jimin says.

Namjoon's face turns red as he shakes his hands nervously. He tries to sit down on the couch but somehow ends up falling on the ground. We can see his cellphone flying around the living room as he throws his arms in the air in an attempt to regain his balance, but it doesn't work, as expected.

''No need to be nervous, Joonie'' I say. ''Everybody masturbates once in a while.''

''Do we?'' Yoongi looks at me suspiciously.

"I mean," I chuckle nervously. "How did we even get to this conversation? Let's just watch the movie for God's sake."

"Nah, nah. Don't you try coming up with excuses," Tae says abruptly. "What do you mean by that? Are you dating someone?" Jungkook seems to be having fun as he opens a beer can.

''What? Me? Dating?'' I laugh. ''Not even close. But I can't say the same about Jungkook, can I?'' he chokes.

''Uh? What you on about?'' he asks as he cleans his mouth. ‘’Seven days a week, huh?’’ he burst into laughter. He pauses for a minute before smirking. "Hm, why's that, baby girl?" he says, leaning in my direction. "Are you jealous?" he asks, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Do you want me to…" he bites his lower lip. "You know," he says putting his finger on my lips. I can already feel the cringeness and second-hand embarrassment traveling throughout my body as the rest of the boys laugh. This prick. ‘’You really need to get out from twitter,’’ I say, shoving him away. ‘’The next step is to put up a black and white profile picture and call yourself a webdom’’ He raises both of his middle fingers in my direction before turning his attention back to the beer can. ‘’Are you guys done? Can I finally play this damn movie?’’ Yoongi asks, making everybody nod.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for them to leave. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay overnight. They had to leave very early the next day due to their schedule.

I hesitated to get up; I didn't want to accompany them to the door out of sheer laziness, and feeling Taehyung shaking me with his foot made me even more sluggish.

"If you keep doing that, I swear I'll fall asleep," I say, making him huff.

"Come on, sloth imitation. Take us to the door," Jimin says, but gives up when he sees Jungkook lying next to me.

"Jungkook, I'm sure you really like your video game, right?" Seokjin asks, and in a jump, Jungkook gets up.

"Are you really not taking us to the door?" Yoongi asks, and I remain silent. "Okay then."

When I open my eyes to see what he was going to do, I feel an arm gather and squeeze my legs while a hand starts tickling my feet furiously.

"JESUS!" I scream in surprise.

I heard laughter as I fought for my life. The strange feeling that tickling brought made me confused if I was laughing because I found it funny or if it was fear messing up my nervous system. The laughter increased as I writhed and screamed for help.

"YOONGI, YOU JERK!" I said without realizing that I was actually yelling.

"Weren't you sleepy?" Yoongi asks. "So, I'm trying to help you."

"WAIT UNTIL I GET UP, YOU PIECE OF BROWN SUGAR, I'M GOING TO END YOU."

"Are you going to take us to the door?" he asks.

"OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU, JUST STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I yell.

I feel my body calm down and my brain start functioning again as the tickling ceases. I looked at Yoongi who was laughing while sniffing his hand.

"Ew, you have smelly feet," he says, and I get up.

"Come here, you little jerk," I chase after him as he runs away mocking me.

After a few seconds, I could already feel that the 70% of water in my body had evaporated and the air in my lungs was scarce. When did my body become so sedentary?

"Idiot," I curse Yoongi who laughs. "I hate you."

"I love you too, beautiful thing," I hear him say.

Finally, I accompany them to the door. After a lazy farewell, I see them about to leave, but a click in my mind makes me stop them.

"As you know, I graduated from college, but since it was at the time when my father died, I didn't have any enthusiasm to celebrate. Adora recommended that I have a celebration the day after tomorrow night, since it's the weekend. Just to not let it go unnoticed. So... you guys are invited."

"We'll be here, don't worry," Namjoon says, and I smile nodding.

We say goodbye again, and this time, I see them leave. Seeing the elevator door close, I go back inside the house. The smile on my face never leaves me for a second, and finally, after so long, I could feel that things would really be okay.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Thanks to Adora, everything was organized on time. The food was ordered since neither she nor I wanted anyone to die from food poisoning. The time we ended up in the hospital the day we cooked for each other was enough. No need to repeat the dose.

I check the time on my phone and see it's 8pm. They would arrive at any moment, so I sit next to Adora on the couch to chat until then.

☂ ☂

Some time passed, and the boys still hadn't arrived. I look at the time again and see that it's 9:46. I try not to think the worst and choose to believe they would be here soon.

☂ ☂

I sigh deeply at seeing what time it is: 11:14. I try to ignore Adora's pitying look and get up from the couch. I suppress the tears once again. I am tired of crying. And more than ever, I realize that they don't deserve my tears.

"Cassandra..." Adora calls me, and I look at her. "I'm sure there's an explanation for this. Something must have happened at the company, and they couldn't let us know." I shake my head.

Something inside me told me that wasn't it, and I decided to trust my intuition.

"Adora, can you take me to the dorm?," I ask softly. "I don't think I'll have the courage to go alone," I weakly smile, and she nods.

"Of course, my love. Of course..." ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The car journey lasted less than I wished. My mind was constantly clouded by memories, anxiety making the painful memories hurt twice as much. I laughed in disbelief. I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve this.

"Thank you for bringing me," I look at Adora. "And thank you for always being by my side in difficult times. If I felt supported and loved, be sure that it's all because of you. You're an amazing person, Adora, and I hope you know that." she smiles.

"Regardless of what happens there, remember that you are enough. Not for them, but for yourself. Don't belittle yourself for them, Cassie, and don't let the love you feel for them speak louder than your self-love. If you survived two hellish months without their presence, be sure that you can live your life and be immensely happy in the future without them. I guarantee you that," I feel her hand squeezing mine for comfort, and I smile. "I'll be waiting for you here," I nod.

I get out of the car, feeling Adora's words take effect. I walk bravely towards the towering building, ignoring every feeling of nostalgia trying to invade me. I couldn't lose focus now.

Arriving on their dorm's floor, I feel my heart skip a beat. I pause for a moment and try to put my thoughts and feelings in order. Seeing no result, I lean against the wall and try in every way to avoid a panic attack that was about to come. As if it were a heavenly help, I feel my phone vibrate. With trembling hands, I pick it up and see a message from Adora.

"Don't forget, you are strong and capable. And never for a moment think you are alone, because I'm here for you."

I clutch my phone tightly. Adora is right. I am strong and I am capable. I can do this because regardless of what happens, I will be okay.

I take a deep breath, gathering all the strength and courage from my being, and knock on the door. I freeze when I realize what I've done, but I quickly compose myself. I will be okay.

A few seconds passed and no one answered, so I knocked again. But just like the first time, there was no response. After the third attempt, I decide to enter. Typing the password on the door, I entered the dormitory.

Upon realizing that there was no one in the main hall, the pounding of my heart calmed down. I begin to walk through the dormitory, recalling every good moment I had with my boys. I feel the sadness emanating in my chest once again.

I really didn't want to lose them.

As I walked down the corridor, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I started walking with firm steps, but I felt my legs waver when I heard a female voice among their voices. It was her.

"Jungkook-oppa, you're so silly," I hear her delicate laughter, feeling jealousy burning in my chest.

It should be me there.

"The silly you love," I hear Jungkook reply.

I could hear the happiness in his voice. It was as if they didn't need anyone else at the moment but her. And that made me hate her, but my own mind scolded me. She is not worthy of my hatred. She is as innocent as I am in this story. She did nothing to hurt me, so why would I hate her?

"Hinnie," I hear Hoseok's voice.

Hinnie...

"Try it and tell me what you think."

There was a moment of pause until applause and sounds of appreciation were made.

"It's amazing, oppa," she says. "You really keep improving in the kitchen every day."

Unable to bear it anymore, I think of simply turning around and leaving, but something catches my attention. And it was precisely there, in that moment, that I regretted staying.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" I hear Taehyung say, and I feel my body tremble.

Once again, there was a pause until someone shouted.

"Shit, really," Jimin said. "We forgot to take the drinks out of the freezer."

I feel my heart break, as if that were possible. I let out a disbelieving laugh and finally come out from where I was hiding.

"And try more of this," Hoseok suddenly stops. "Cassie..."

I hear the sound of something falling to the ground. Soon, everyone was staring at me wide-eyed. I repress the urge to laugh. I realize how messy my whole body was the moment I wanted to laugh and not cry.

"Oh no," Jimin says, as if remembering something. "The party."

With that said, everyone becomes even more desperate. Seeing them approaching, I panic.

"Don't come near,"

They quickly stop. I see them not knowing what to do. And it wasn't just them. I end up getting disoriented with so much pressure. Where did my courage go when I needed it most?

"Um... what's going on?" she asks, and I close my eyes.

It's not her fault. It's not her fault...

"Ji-Hye, could you leave us alone for a moment?" Namjoon asks.

"Yes, of course. It's time for me to leave anyway," she gets up. "I'll see you later," she says bowing both to them and to me.

After she left, silence hung in the air. I tried to hold back my laughter, but when I saw everyone's confused faces, I knew I had failed. When I noticed that no one was going to say anything, I took the initiative.

"Do you know what's more disappointing? It's that I really thought this time would be different," I shrug. "I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"Cas..."

"Do you remember when you asked me if I had something to say, Jinnie? If something was hurting me? Well, I do, and I hope I won't be interrupted."

With no response, I continue.

"I feel like I died. It's been a while since I am just surviving," I start. "The fact that you didn't come to the visitation isn't the part that hurts the most, it's that you weren't there when my father passed away. I remember how desperate I was, and the only people I could think of were you. But you weren't there. Damn, you didn't even call." I whisper as tears fall freely down my face. "When I found myself alone in the hospital, realizing that the person who adopted me and chose me to love had died, that was my first death. The person who loved me, who looked beyond language or race barriers, and who taught me everything I know had suddenly left, without even giving me a chance to say goodbye. Do you know how I felt? Devastated."

I pause for a moment. Melancholy takes over my body as I recall all the feelings I felt that day, and for a moment, I allow myself to cry all I needed. I sob so much that I thought I might choke. Without caring about looks or pity, I just allowed myself, knowing that everything would be okay.

"When I called the only people I thought I could count on, and they told me they were coming, I didn't feel so alone," I let out a humorless laugh. "Until I realized that those people never arrived. The people who always said they would be there for me weren't there when I needed them the most. That was my second death," I look at Jin. "Don't say these things to anybody if they are not coming from your heart. Don't hurt anyone else by saying you have their backs or that you will always be there for them when in reality it's not the truth."

I look at each one. Their gazes were distant, as if they were reliving every moment.

"You know, I don't want you to think I'm mad at Park Ji-Hye. Actually, quite the opposite. I was really happy when you said you met someone nice. Someone who really cared about you and genuinely wanted your friendships. I know how tough it is for you to find real friendships with all the fame, so I felt fulfilled too. I remember telling daddy excitedly, and he laughed at my excitement, happy for you and for me. Right after that, I lost him, and little by little, I lost you too, like I was meant to be alone," I smile weakly. "I am sorry if I'm being selfish, but that's how I feel. You guys forgot my birthday. Forgot the visitation days, and to top it off, you forgot my graduation party. It's like you replaced me as if I never even existed in your lives, and that really hurts. Really.''

I finish, and only then I realize they were crying with me. Some didn't have the courage to meet my gaze. We spent a few minutes without anyone saying anything. The only thing filling the air was the sound of our sniffles and sobs.

"On the day your father died," Namjoon begins. "We felt like we had lost a family member because he was, in fact, one. I am truly sorry, Cas, but for me, Park Ji-Hye's fall was an escape. I didn't want to face reality. I wouldn't know how to react to the loss of someone so special, and I also wouldn't know how to act with you," he looks at me.

"On your birthday, we thought you would like to be alone. It would be the first without your father, so we didn't know what to do, Cassie. We panicked," Jimin sighs. "But now I realize how you felt," he laughs humorlessly. "My God, I never thought I'd be such a horrible friend. What a disappointment," he whispers, covering his face with his hand.

"On visitation days," I look at Hoseok. "I confess that I clung to any opportunity not to go, Cas," he cries. "Not because I didn't love you. I love you, and I love you very much, but I never knew how to react to death. The only two times I entered a cemetery, I spent the rest of the week feeling bad, with depressive thoughts. I also couldn't let Armys worry. I didn't want their 'Sun' to lose its brightness. I am so sorry for not being able to tell you this before. I didn't want to seem selfish."

I suppress a disbelieving laugh.

"Hearing all this, I realize how futile our apologies seem," Yoongi laughs weakly. "But they are true, Cassie... I understand what Hoseok says. You know about my history with depression, don't you?" he asks, and I nod. "It's the same thing for me. If I enter a cemetery, my thoughts don't stop. Some come in a worse form, and I feel like I'm going crazy."

"We were selfish, Cas," Seokjin says. "I was. I didn't want Armys to see us sad because I knew the chaos it would be. I have no words to express how special you are to me," he pauses. "Cassie, you are my sister, my family. You weren't crying alone; I cried with you. I just couldn't show it. I knew it would be worse if I saw you cry, just like I am seeing now."

There was a moment of silence. Until his voice broke.

"I am sorry," Taehyung says. "Damn, I don't even know what to say, Cassie. You are one of the most precious people I have ever met. I remember how you stayed with us through thick and thin. I also remember how happy you were for us at the beginning, and I know the genuine happiness you felt when we received our first award. You stood by my side when my grandma passed away. How could I not be by your side too? My God," he puts his hand on his head in an act of despair. "You stayed by our side when we thought about disbanding. It was you who helped us see why we are here, who helped us find reasons to stay," he looks at me anxiously. "How could I be so selfish?"

"We thought that regardless of anything, you would always be by our side. That you would understand us, even with our deplorable attitudes. We always thought we would have you next to us, so we neglected you," Yoongi shakes his head. I feel like he answered more to Taehyung than to me. "Damn, anjinho, I'm sorry," I lower my head as I hear him call me by the nickname I loved so much.

"The fact that we started a new friendship also influenced us," Jungkook says. "We were so excited that someone, besides you, wanted a friendship without interest that without realizing it, we put aside the one that had been with us from the beginning," I hear Jungkook say muffled, as his two hands covered his face.

"We don't deserve you, Cassandra. We left you at the most difficult moment of your life, and yet you never stopped loving us," Yoongi pulls his own hair, a habit he always did when he was nervous. "We can't let you leave thinking that we don't care about you because, Cassie, that would be a complete lie. With the stress of the comeback, things only got worse. It was rehearsal, recording, agendas to fulfill, productions, trips, tours. Our minds were a mess, and Park Ji-Hye tried to help us from there. We know she's not the one to blame, and it's not your fault either. It's ours and only ours. I know this will seem like a lame excuse, but I didn't want to let you go thinking that you aren't precious to us. You are Cas. And you always will be."

I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. If before I felt bad, now I feel ten times worse. It seemed like I didn't even know them anymore. The feeling of comfort they made me feel was replaced by anguish. By sadness.

I open my eyes, and for the last time, I look at my boys. I realize that Taehyung understood my gaze.

"Cassie, please... Please don't..." Taehyung starts, but is interrupted by Seokjin.

"Don't you dare say what I think you're going to say."

"But I can't lose her, Hyung. I can't lose her," Taehyung says, crouching down.

I think about going to him, but then I retreat my body. If I do that, I know my heart will weaken, and at the moment, the only person I need to think about is myself.

"I'm sorry, hyung, but I'll be selfish," Namjoon says to Seokjin, and I look at him confused. "I don't know what your decision will be, Cassie. I'll support you, even if you choose to leave without our friendship. But I beg you... Cassandra, I implore you, try to find in yourself a little piece that doesn't want to give up on us. It doesn't have to be now. I want you to heal, and I don't care how long it takes. The only thing I ask is that you don't forget us and don't give up on us. Come back to us when you feel ready. I don't want to lose you, Cas. I..."

"I really hope you find a way to forgive us, Cassie. But understand that if you don't, we'll understand. You, more than anyone else, have every right to hate us," Yoongi says, interrupting Namjoon. "I hope you don't forget about us because, with all my heart, we won't forget about you."

I feel my heart shattering with every tear that falls on their faces. I smile weakly. I will really miss them.

I bow in a sign of respect, and as I return to my normal position, I raise my hand to my heart.

"Thank you, my boys. For all the good moments. You were a very important part of my life, which I will carry forever. I will never forget about all of you," I smile faintly. "How could I forget my first true friendships? My first loves?" I whisper.

I take a breath and smile. A true smile. A smile of gratitude.

"Regardless of what happened, you guys deserve nothing but love and happiness. Don't let anyone say otherwise. Even far away, please remember I will always be cheering for your success. And whenever you feel unloved, remember I love you. Very, very much.'' I can hear their sobs getting stronger. ''Don't think I blame you for what happened; I think I finally understand that life has its ups and downs. People come and unfortunately go," I see Taehyung desperate, trying to find something to say. I look away. I need to be strong. "I hope that every day your friendship with Park Ji-Hye grows, and that you take from all of this a lesson.''

I take a deep breath, looking at them for the last time.

''From the bottom of my heart... I wish you to be immensely happy."

In a gesture, I send thousands of kisses. I see Tae wanting to approach, so I turn around and start walking towards the exit, and this time, I don't cry. I feel the weight of sadness in my chest, but the weight of peace for having put everything I felt out was greater. And for the first time in two months, I believe it when I say that everything will be okay.

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anemonelovesfiction · 1 year

Text

Fated Mates 3

Ao’nung x Fem! Human Reader

Warnings ⚠️ : No full on sex in this chapter (just a sliver of a flashback for you thirsty ahh ppl), very angsty chapter, long asf. Birth scenes kinda explicit stuff.

As always, English is stricken through.

I do wanna let y’all know idk what the family name for Ao’nung and Tsireya are so I had to make one up.

For Neytiri its the Neytiri Te Tskaha Moat’ite; for her children it’s Lo’ak Te Suli Tsyeyk’itan.

So for Ao’nung it’ll be Ao’nung Te Tswa’ìn Tonowar’itan. “Swahh-een”. I also decided to drop the I from Tonowari’s name since the word for ‘son’ starts with an i and if that shit happens in spanish we change the whole word so I’m trynna make it an easy read.

So it’s just “Tonowar’itan” (toh-no-war’ itan)

Translation Station

Ma’itan: My son

Ma’sempul: My father

Tawtute: Sky Person (used as “human”)

Tsaheylu: Bond (with kuru)

Sa’nok: Mother

Itan: Son

Yawne: Beloved

Tìyawn: Love (my love)

Nga yawne lu oer: Beloved you are to me (I love you)

Vrrtep: Demon

Um’ma: Mama

Pukap: Six (6)

Tsmuke: Sister

Tsmuktu: Siblings

Tahnì: Bioluminescent freckles

Kuru: Braid (neural queue)

Word count: 10.7 K because I got carried away again…

<<Previous | Next>>

I’d been at a loss for words as I stood in the water with a heavy feeling in my chest as I’d clearly made Ao’nung upset, but what pissed me off was how he was talking to me like I was a child who didn’t know anything. We’d been paired up together by his father so he could teach me how to fish, but I’d apparently been casting the net too early, alarming the fish and making them swim away. We’d have to stand still for a while before they felt safe enough to return and we’d start the process all over again.

“How is it my fault!” I yelled angrily, scaring away more of the fish that had felt it safe to swim back. I’d let him finish talking before I began because I knew it would give him another reason to be upset with me.

“I’d already told you to back off on casting the net, but you turn around and do it either way!” He yells back, his frustration is clear as the skin of his brows are furrowed as he yells at me.

“Well maybe you suck at teaching!” I returned his sass back to him, feeling it was unfair how he yelled at me. He knew I was strongest with weaving, singing, and dancing, I was starting to learn a little healing with Tsireya, but physical labor wasn’t for me.

“I don’t, you just suck at listening. And you’re too loud! Those feet of yours have never learned to be quiet, you keep splashing around and scaring these fish back to the other clans!”

“The loudest and most obnoxious thing right now is your voice!” I’d stated with a huff as I turned to pull my body up on the walkway to get away from this conversation, already turned around before hearing him speak again.

“And you think running away is going to help you learn?” He asks angrily while crossing his arms across his chest.

“No,” My voice trembled and I hated myself for it but I turned to face him with tears slipping out of my eyes after being humiliated by his words. “But at least I won’t be yelled at for not understanding.” I admitted and through the cloudiness of my tears could see his face shift, seeing Tonowari coming up behind him.

“Yawne-“ He starts but I shake my head and walk off, not bothering to listen to any explanation he had begun rehearsing in his head.

I’d managed to make my way toward my family’s marui and step inside, allowing myself to be welcomed into a hug by my adoptive mother as I cried in her arms, Jake coming next to us as he placed a hand on the small of my back, poor Tuk was sick today and was sleeping at this moment.

“It’s okay, kid, we’ve got you.” Jake reassures me as Neytiri pets my hair gently. If I couldn’t tell them about Ao’nung I don’t think I could ever tell them why I had been crying so I waited for my tears to stop coming and I’d calmed down a bit.

“Whats going on?” He asks and I take in a big breath.

“If I tell you, do you promise you won’t hate me again?” I asked not looking at any one of them specifically but I’m sure by the way Neytiri had stopped petting my hair that she knew I was talking to her.

“What is troubling you?” She asks as she starts petting my hair again.

“I feel guilty for keeping this from you, but I have to tell you whats been going on.” I admit and Jake lightly rubs the small of my back to urge me to continue.

So I tell them from the beginning about a month and a half ago when I’d been swept away from the current and how Ao’nung saved me but wasn’t aware of the sex pollen in the cave. I’d told them about our attempts to hide our relationship from the group and how Tsireya had noticed, becoming upset that her brother hadn’t confided in her, and how we finally introduced myself as his girlfriend. Then how Spider had become nosey and Ao’nung telling me we’d have to tell our friend group. How the two of us had this petty fight over fishing and how inadequate I felt with learning this new skill. Ending with the inner turmoil I’d felt myself fighting because I couldn’t tell them when in reality I just didn’t want Ronal to find out because I didn’t want a repeat with what happened with Neytiri when she found out.

“You think we haven’t noticed?” Jake asks with a small scoff.

“Y/n, you smell of him quite often.” Neytiri comments while continuing to caress my hair but I jump and look at them, the two were smiling gently.

“You- you aren’t mad at me?” I asked in a small voice, feeling like I deserved to be called out for moving on too quick, or for moving on at all? Mo’at has remained single this entire time and although I’m certain they don’t allow themselves to be mated to another and mourn their entire lives, she had been mated, Neteyam and I had not.

“Why would we be mad at you?” Jake asks but I’m focused on the beautiful omaticaya woman before me, wondering if she’d start yelling at some point, or capture her slip from the calmness she was portraying.

“Because- Neteyam,” I stated as if it were obvious and Neytiri’s face softened.

“Y/n, what I had done before was-“ She pauses as she speaks and looks like she’s trying to find the right words to say.

“I was wrong for what I had said and ma’itan had shown me that in the way he loved you, I have never truly apologized to you but I hope you can forgive me for how I had acted after finding out. I prided myself in having a son who would take over once Jake and I were no longer alive, wanting him to take over with a tsahik of his own and blinded myself in the perfect fantasy I built in my head, forgetting that Neteyam was his own person and had his own feelings.” She stated while looking back up at me, hand outstretched to place my cheek in as she continues holding eye contact.

“I am very well aware of how much you loved Neteyam, you would often look for him and the way it seemed that all of the weight left your shoulders when you found him was proof enough for me. The way you comforted him whenever he’d had an uneventful day or an unsuccessful hunt were the many ways that proved me wrong.” She tucks a piece of my hair that had suddenly fallen loose right behind my ear.

“You, too, are your own person with your own feelings. You are allowed to move on from this and feel love for another. Your life is not as long as ours is, therefore the part where you move on to enjoy life has to be celebrated as well. And I want you to know you have our full support.”

“Neytiri-“ My tears were blinding my vision and I’d started crying for the second time today as she embraces me with her arms, and I could feel warmth spreading all over.

“We want you to be happy, kid, no matter who thats with.” Jake stated as I feel him joining in on the hug and I let out some light hearted laughter at his words.

“When Ronal finds out- and she will eventually- you shouldn’t let her words get to you. She might have choice words to say as this is something new for her, but Ao’nung said he doesn’t care what his mother says, and thats exactly what Neteyam said to me. He will stick by your side and this little argument between the two of you is not the end and I doubt his mothers words will end your relationship, okay?” He reassures me and I nod into his shoulder.

“Atta girl,” He says happily and we all disband from our hug.

“Now if you could help us by watching Tuk while we go do- something, you would be helping us tremendously!” Jake places an enthusiastic smile and two thumbs up as he states that and I could only roll my eyes in fake disgust.

“For being my adoptive parents you guys are gross,” I joke but shoo them away with my hand.

“Go have your adult fun times but please do not make another child!” I whisper-yelled at them and can hear Jake’s chuckle before it stops abruptly after Neytiri had hit the back of his head.

“Don’t rush home either, Tuktuk usually doesn’t need much when she’s sick and likes to rest. I’ll just weave to keep myself busy, I’ll get her some fruit in a bit so she has something in her stomach.” I reassure the two as they thank me before leaving. I once again roll my eyes after they’d left and I could hear their little laughs, finding myself laughing lightly in the marui to myself.

“Well sleeping beauty,” I looked over at Tuk’s form as she slept peacefully. “It's just you and I.” I smile softly, walking over toward where Neytiri kept her yarn and began weaving a blanket.

_________

“That was quite the screaming match.”

I hadn’t bothered reacting to my father’s voice as he came up behind me, but turned to look at him with an unamused face, not really caring how rude it seemed to stare at him in that way.

“I’m sorry for causing a scene.” I apologized to him out of habit.

“No, ma’itan, I’m not the person you owe an apology to. You owe it to your mate.” He stated simply and I nod along to what he had said.

“I just want her to be-“ I stopped myself from continuing as my eyes move to face him, my face unmoved, I’d absentmindedly agreed to what he had said and started an explanation like nothing. I could tell he was hiding a smile but I wanted to scream- the biggest secret I had been hiding and he sniffed it out after an argument? How was I going to continue hiding this now.

“How?” I asked him, I knew he would understand why I had asked that, and awaited his answer.

“You do not think I know you?” He asks with a smirk on his lips. “You disappear from one task and not long after she is headed off in the same direction. I believed my mind was playing tricks on me until I caught your smell lingering with hers. No matter how much you two act like you cannot stand the other, you’re letting the act slip the longer you spend time together.” He says as I wince a bit at having been discovered.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked him while looking away in embarrassment, feeling his hand snake around my shoulders giving me a comforting squeeze.

“No, to everyone else you guys argue a lot, to the trained eye, it’s starting to become obvious. How did this start?” He asks and I can feel a blush building on my face, was this something I really wanted him to know?

“If you want my honesty, I’ll need you to pretend you aren’t ma’sempul for the moment.” I stated and he nods, taking his hand from my shoulder and placing it in his other hand.

“It started when she was swept by the current underwater.” I admit to him.

“That far back?” He asks in shock, it had been quite a while looking back at it but it also felt like this had just happened. I only look at him with an annoyed expression after he’d cut me off and he raises his hands in defense.

“Well two weeks before that I visited Neteyam in the spirit tree,” I rubbed the back of my neck as I tell him. “-without a diving partner, and he told me that he had chosen her as my mate because Eywa said I had a temper-“

And with that he chuckles as if he had agreed with that statement, I turn to glare at him once again and he holds his hands up in defense once more. Letting a small apology out as he looks back down to the water and urging me to continue.

“I took her to my thinking cave, the one with the white lilies, I swear I didn’t know the flowers were in bloom, she’d ended up getting some of the pollen on her hand and she wiped it on her leg, but later used that same hand to rub her face. I had no idea it affected tawtute the same way it does for us, but one thing lead to another and we mated without tsaheylu.”

“According to JakeSully, tawtute mating doesn’t need tsaheylu, according to her and her people, you have already bonded with her.” He stated wisely and I raise a brow at his words.

“Does he share with you from when he was tawtute?” I asked out of curiosity and he grunts, confirming what I asked.

“Some times I ask him as I get curious about his life before he became a Na’Vi. Especially after catching her smell on you the day after the union ceremony.”

“It must have been the blanket I’d given her to use to warm up in the cool night air, she had mentioned that tawtute are sensitive to temperatures and I wanted her to be comfortable for when she was introduced to Tsireya as mine.”

“You should apologize to her with a kind gesture, a gift.” He says and it catches me off guard.

“What kind of gift? I do not know what she prefers jewelry wise and am only able to make armbands, I doubt she’d need a spear-“ I started rambling off as he chuckles.

“Whatever you decide to make, use it to apologize to her, okay? I’ll tell the others you weren’t feeling well since you’ll be a little too busy to go on this hunt with us.” He cuts me off with a smile and I can only nod at his answer.

“I want you to know something, Ao, you will have many fights like these. Some will be easier to apologize than others. Some of them you will be wrong and some of them you will be correct- but apologize either way, even if you are correct. I can guarantee her own apology will follow after even if she was right.”

“Is that what you do when you and sa’nok argue?” I raised a brow and smile widely, not needing to hear his response.

“We are still together after many rotations, are we not?” He asks smugly and I let out a laugh.

“With that being said, women also like it when other people tell their mate they were in the wrong. In this case you wanted to teach her to fish, but you let your temper get in the way. You were in the wrong, itan, you must go make this right.”

“I see,” I nodded at him just as his right-hand-man shows up to ask about the hunting they’re supposed to be starting. My father tells him to gather anybody willing to participate and turns to me once he leaves.

“Make her an armband, she doesn’t wear much jewelry and I don’t think she’s the kind of girl to wear much. I will see you when I get home, okay?” He asks and I nod, turning to head over to our Marui to fix up a quick armband.

I’d managed to find the right materials but struggled to find the correct colored rocks and shells. There had only been one other time that I had asked her what her favorite color was and the answer had honestly shocked me. But I knew I had to incorporate it in the armband I was making and felt giddy once I stumbled upon the colors I needed.

~~~~~

“So what’s your favorite color?” I asked her as I slowly thrust into her, watching her greedy cunt swallowing me whole, whimpering at the sight and feeling.

“Is th-this really the time?” She struggles to think of her words stuttering badly.

“Yes yawne, I’ll let you come if you answer.” I tried keeping my composure but failing to do so with how well she took me, I was on the edge myself.

“It’s you,” she responds and meets my thrust halfway with the loudest moan ever, her eyes shutting at the pleasure.

“What?” I mutter and continue focusing on her face.

“You’re my favorite color-“ She sucks in a big breath. “Can I come now?” She asks as she holds her own hips back.

“Yes tìyawn, come-“

~~~~~

I’d decided on taking my time making my way toward her family’s marui so I could rehearse my apology. I didn’t want to leave anything out of it and wanted to make sure she still felt loved all around. I see half the curtain hanging over the entryway, most of the marui was darker and cooled down, while the other half was folded open to allow air flow into the room and prevent it from getting stuffy.

I can see Y/n sitting behind little Tuk as she took the poor girls braids out one by one. The poor forest girl looked like she had been tired and barely had any energy. She had been taking slow bites of fruit as Y/n finished off the last couple of braids.

“Hello,” Tuk stated with minimal effort and energy, she’d definitely just woken up from a nap, but her voice was raspier. Y/n’s head moves to the doorway and she thins her lips.

“Tuk Tuk, I’m going to step out for a second but I’ll be right there, call me if you need anything okay?” She reassures the younger Na’Vi and it makes my heart swell with pride at how sweet she is to the children, she steps closer toward the entrance and I move back to allow her the space she needs.

“Have you come to finish yelling at me for my fishing?” She asks in a calmer tone than the one she had earlier but she has crossed her arms over her chest and her eyes weren’t even meeting mine. I felt saddened by that.

“No Yawne, I came to apologize,” I spoke softly and although I’m nervous of her reaction I pull the armband out to show her. “I made you something,” I stated with a bit of a waver, she turns her face to look at what I had in my hand, her eyebrows had previously been furrowed in anger but the pop up after seeing the gift, her eyes finally sliding up to meet mine.

“Y-you made that f-for me?” She asks a voice barely above a whisper and she looks back down at it as she smiles. “It’s my favorite shade of you,”

“Would you like to wear it?” I asked her and she looks back up to meet my eyes, her bottom lip tugged between her teeth as she nods, giving me her hand so I can slide it on.

“This is my way of saying I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I might not be a great teacher like I believed I was and I hate that I made you upset, I don’t like it when I’m the reason you cry, Tìyawn.” I’d held on to her one hand with both of mine as I apologized, feeling comfort in touching her in any way possible, taking note of how perfect the armband had fit her.

“It doesn’t excuse my own behavior but I didn’t like being yelled at as if I were a child, I already know I don’t know how to fish, or cast the stupid net, but I expected you to communicate with me on how to do it correctly. But I am sorry for raising my voice at you.” She stated tenderly and I couldn’t help but cup her cheek with my hand.

“You are not in the wrong here, it was me, and I hope you can accept my apology, little one.”

“Of course I do, Ao’nung, nga yawne lu oer.” She stated all of a sudden and I could only squat on my toes just to crash my lips onto hers right after she said that.

“Nga yawne lu oer,” I replied back toward her.

__________

“I now see why you continue running off, it’s a shame this is where you hide.”

We both turned our heads in unison toward the person who had spoken, standing before us and I knew we’d been caught. This was the person I had least expected to catch us, the very same person I’d been avoiding and desperately praying to Eywa so she wouldn’t catch us. A few feet in front of us stood his mother, who happened to be glaring directly at me, not once sparing a glance toward Ao’nung, and I would be lying if I hadn’t just felt my knee’s buckle.

“Unbelievable.” The disgust is very evident, dripping entirely within that word.

Instinctively I push against Ao’nungs chest to put as much distance between us as possible, trying to hide whatever embrace we’d had, although I knew she had seen it already. I felt empty right after feeling his warmth leaving me and I had to look down to stop myself from freaking out.

“I was worried about you after seeing you run into our marui but wanted to give you space to collect your thoughts. And when I had decided you might have had enough time sulking on your own, I head to our marui, only to see you making your way here.” She stated as the tone of disappointment stays in her voice.

“You followed me?” Ao’nung asks even though she had just stated that.

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do anything stupid, only to find myself proven wrong.” She yells angrily and I flinch at the pitch she uses.

“Ronal, please-“ I begin pleading but am unsure where my words were going, but am also somewhat thankful for the hiss that cuts me off.

“Silence.” She continues glaring at me and my immediate response is to look down, maybe if I don’t look into her eyes, I won’t feel threatened, but that theory is tossed out the window.

“Have you mated with this vrrtep?” She pointed at me, a disgusted look settling on her features as I peek up and see her looking at her son, waiting for his answer.

“What if I did?” He asked too nonchalant for my liking. His body hadn’t been trying to face away from hers like mine was. I shouldn’t have been surprised since he has dealt with her more than I have, but she was a scary woman.

“She is a disgrace to every suitor you’ve had. She doesn’t stand near any of them. Why would you want someone you cannot bond with, ma’itan?” She asks with genuine concern for him.

“You are right, she doesn’t stand near them,” He stated and I felt my blood run cold. I looked up at him with pure sadness, had he resented me this entire time?

“She’s more than they will ever be. She has single handedly tamed my anger with her kindness. She has taught me how to be careful with someone else and being aware of my words and how much they could hurt another person. She has a strong heart, she is worth it to me.”

“You do not realize the implications of these words ma’itan. If you decide to mate with her before Eywa you’ll be stripped of your status.”

“No!” I yelled immediately as my eyes widened. Ronal smirked at my outburst and laughed a bit.

“You see, she only wants you for your status.” She states as if it was the clearest thing.

“I can’t allow that. It’s all you’ve wanted since you were young, I can’t let you lose your status over this-“ I stated as if I was pleading him, but this is exactly what I needed to do.

“You are confused, ma’itan, you do not even know what you mean to that vrrtep!” She exclaims and I feel as if it was another blow to the chest. This was exactly everything I wanted to avoid.

“Sa’nok-“ He begins before she starts once more.

“Do you not see how this vrrtep has corrupted you? I told your father to not allow them in even if they were trusted by JakeSully, I knew they would eventually mess something up, it was a matter of how. Come to me, ma’itan, we need to cleanse you.”

“Choose someone else.” I stated in a clear and steady voice. Although my heart felt itself break. I could only feel Ao’nung grasp my shoulders gently.

“No.”

“Please, let me go, choose another. You’ll still have the life you wanted-“ I felt the tears blur my vision so I turned around to stop looking at him.

“Not if I don’t have you in it.”

“I’m not worth it, choose someone else-“

“I’m not leaving you, little one, I’ve said that multiple times.” He tries reassuring me as my tears slide down my cheeks, how was I going to stop them.

“So you can be wise,” Ronal hums at my words as I was trying to get him to leave me.

“No, I only want you, I only see you, I only love you.” He stated as he forcefully turns me around. Tears continuously sliding down my face.

“I can’t bond with you-“

“I don’t care about that, little one, we bond in different ways.” He holds my face with one hand gently.

“I’ll die too fast anyway, we can’t have kids. She’s right, this is only a fantasy that’ll never work. I’ve done this once before and didn’t learn the first time.” These reasons were resurfacing from Neytiri’s previous conversation within me when she’d found out those years ago, reasons to why I was not fit for her son, reasons I am not fit to be with Ao’nung.

“Neteyam told me different, ma’tìyawn, he told me he Eywa needed his help in choosing a mate for me and he chose you as my mate, Eywa agrees with his decision. He told me we can have children of our own and told me your age will slow down with mine after completing our mating.” He explains in a gentle manner.

But the way he’d stated that with ease, he had never told me about that previous to today, and I could feel my head dizzying at his words, when the hell had he been told about this?

“When, when did he tell you?” I asked because I just had to know. He remains silence but face fallen into a wince as if he’d meant to either keep that a secret or expect his words to change my opinion without problem.

“When the fuck did he tell you this?” I asked in a harsher tone after his silence.

“Two weeks before we went to the spirit tree, but I-“

“That was two months ago and you’re only telling me this now?” I pulled myself away by pushing on his chest to let go of me, I knew there was no way I’d hurt him but with the way he backed up as if I had worried me a bit.

“Yawne I-“

“You need to leave.” I stated as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

“What?” He asks in disbelief upon hearing my request.

“Leave, go!” I yelled at him and he seems shocked. He looked like he was about to refuse leaving, he held onto hope more than I could, but before voicing his opinion the sound of water suddenly splashing had caught our attention. I turned back to Ronal to see her staring at the space between her feet, a protective hand placed around her swollen abdomen.

“Great mother, why now?” Ronal groans as she protectively places a hand on her swollen belly. Typically when a NaVi’s water breaks you had about thirty minutes or less for when the child arrived, so even if their gestation lasted about a year, their births happened incredibly fast. But with her being Tsahik and going through her labor meant she’d either need the help of the retired Tsahik- who was her deceased mother in law- or the Tsakarem, her daughter.

I glanced over at Ao’nung who was standing with his eyes widened. I could only figure he had never seen his mother in this position and if he had, he was a toddler when Tsireya was born so he didn’t have any experience when it came to these things.

“Agh!” Ronal screams as she holds onto her abdomen.

“Get her into the water-“ I run into the Marui and see Tuk is still awake, half finished with her fruit, I’m sure she’s heard everything that had happened but her face seems unfazed.

“TukTuk, please tell me you’re well enough to go for a swim?” I asked in the most hopeful tone possible and she nods, getting up from her mat, following behind me as I grab a couple things from the marui. I step back out with Tuk behind me and see Ao’nung full on carrying his mother with a worried look in his face.

__________

“Come on Um’ma, let’s get you into the nice cool water, I think you’ll feel better there,” I try reassuring her as I continue to hold her, her weight becoming less as she floats in the water, her groans coming out in short spurts, she’s gritting her teeth and her eyes are looking around.

“What now, Y/n?” I ask as she has Tuk hold the things she was carrying, while she hops down from the walkway onto the stairs and into the water, Tuk carefully handing Y/n everything.

“Let her stand in the water, Tsireya said it helps with tearing, she’ll be on her feet, make sure her lower back is covered.” She instructs and I follow along as I do what she says, my mother sighing in relief, one of her hands grasping mine suddenly and refusing to let go.

“And now?” I ask as she fumbles with her equipment, I can see various towels, a blanket, the knife Neteyam made for her, and a clamp. I’m not entirely sure what these were for but she finally comes over toward me, stepping directly in front of my mother, a hiss ripping through her as soon as she see’s Y/n.

“Hiss all you want but we don’t have much time before your child gets here and Tuk is too sick to get help.” Y/n stated and as I look on over toward where Tuk was, the poor girl had already passed out on the walkway snoozing along and getting her rest.

“If you want I can get another woman from the clan whose given birth before but I doubt they’ll get here by the time your baby is born.” Y/n stated firmly upon looking at my mother before taking a deep breath and going under the water, I could tell she started untying my mothers skirt and I blushed while looking away.

“I dislike how helpful she is, even after I insulted her-“ She manages to grumble between her groans and grunts.

“She is always like this, Um’ma, I love her.” I stated and my mother hisses again. Y/n resurfaces and steps around behind me.

“You’ll need to push her lower back, here, when she starts pushing, it helps relieve pain, or something like that. She’ll squeeze your hand and it’ll hurt you, but remember she’s in more pain than you will be.” She pointed toward her lower back and I could see my mothers tail fidgeting in a similar pattern from when we all hurt ourselves unexpectedly.

“Ronal-“ She steps back around as my mother is hunched over. Her anger from beforehand is gone as she continues breathing.

“You’ll need to spread your legs further,”

“I know how to give birth, child, this is my third- AGH!” She yells gutturally after her half insult, but follows Y/n’s order and spreads her legs further.

“Push when you feel the need to,” She tells my mother just as she’s moaning or groaning, maybe grunting, all at the same time, before looking back at me. “Every time you hear her make that sound, press where I showed.”

“Push Ronal,” She takes a deep breath before going back under and checking for how my mother is doing.

“Please respect her, she’s doing better than I am over here.” I utter just as she starts making that sound again and I push on her back, I could hear the sound lessen as if I was helping relieve pain. She takes a quick break to breathe before pushing again.

“Something feels wrong, it hurts more-“ She gasps.

“Don’t quit, Um’ma, keep pushing.” I encourage her as she starts yelling painfully while pushing.

“What do you see in her,” She catches her breath again as she pushes.

“The same things dad saw in you, she’s kind, caring, compassionate, adorable, and willing to put up with me.” I answered as she begins pushing and yelling again, I pushed on her back once more.

“Stop pushing!” Y/n resurfaces suddenly and my mother looks bewildered.

“Why on Eywa’s life would I do that!” My mother hisses.

“He’s coming out feet first, his cord isn’t coming out like it should and I’m scared its wrapped around his neck.” She stated.

“He?” My mother isn’t asking, more as if she were in shock.

“I’m having another itan.” She stated wobbly as her tears cascaded down her face.

“The next contractions will hurt like hell but I need you to try and not push during them, if you do, the constriction will cut off blood flow to the-“

“Ma’tìyawn, you’re rambling in English,” I stated as she looks up immediately with a blush.

“Try not to push when you feel the need to, I know it’ll be hard-“

“The pain is too great for me, I do not want to lose ma’itan,” Her tears fall down more rapidly as she weeps, her hold on my hand getting harder.

“Don’t say that. You are Tsahik of the metkayina, you fought tawtute mounted on a tsurak while heavily pregnant, you have birth twice before, how is this one any different!” Y/n states and I can see a passion in her eyes as she says these things.

“You are admired by many in the clan and you have been standing before other mighty warriors who have given birth telling them that all would be well. Don’t give me that shit, Ronal, you can fucking do this.”

My mother nods as another contraction hits her, she trembles badly and looks down before her face is picked back up by ma’Y/n with both of her hands.

“Don’t fucking quit on me, Ronal.” She stated as my mother starts yelling through her contraction, I push on her back regardless as it dies down.

“Once the shoulders are out you’ll be done, okay?” Y/n states as she takes another deep breath and sinks down below to check on my baby brother.

“That is why I love her, Um’ma,”

“Maybe I was wrong about her-“ She sucks in a big breath and clenches her teeth. Y/n swims closer to her and my mother yells once more.

Just then a bit of blood fills the water where Y/n and my mothers legs are, her hand has let go of mine as she sighs in relief, Y/n popping up without my brother.

“Where is he?” I asked in shock upon not seeing my brother.

“About to take his first breath.”

First breath, the tradition where, when allowed, the baby is supposed to swim upward after being born to take it’s first breath. The first right of passage coming into the clan.

“The cord was only loosely wrapped around his neck, probably because you held back on your pushes, all I did was unwrap it, clamp it, and cut it.” Y/n stated and seconds later he pops up, the physical sound of him taking his breath bringing us relief in that moment.

I couldn’t help but look at my baby brother in awe at the smallest patches of hair on his head, his little nose, his kuru being naked and small, Y/n is quick to pick him up and turn him to place him on my mothers chest. Taking my hand to place it on my brother’s abdomen as I watched him breathe. My mother started crying out of pure joy upon seeing my brother.

“Let us connect these, huh?” She grasped my mother Kuru gently and connected it with my brothers, creating the first bond any child creates- with their Um’ma. She’d gone at some point to bring the blanket to wrap him around in and I couldn’t help but smile at him.

Spending this time with my mother and brand new sibling was a joyous time, but when I’d turned around to see where Y/n had gone my smile falters as she and little Tuk were nowhere to be found.

_________

That goes without saying that once I’d come back into the marui with Tuk- after helping Ronal give birth- her parents had come back and were wondering where we went. I once again had to fill them in on the situation starting from the moment Ao’nung had come to give me my armband and ending with coming back with a still sick Tuk. They were surprised about Neteyam hand picking Ao’nungs mate and they did have questions to which I did not have the answers to.

After helping the Tsahik giving birth, I’d taken it upon myself to stay out of her and her families sights. I knew the words she had spoken when she had caught myself and her son together were spiteful yet truthful. There was no way that my assistance in her birth would change the way she felt about me. And I would say I’ve been doing well, I’ve avoided them for two and a half weeks by this point, but I did have a little help from the Sully’s. I’d essentially made myself disappear from their lives.

We made sure to always walk in pairs of three whenever we were out. If they happened to catch Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, Tuk, Neytiri, or Jake the other person with us would tell me to go the opposite direction or hide somewhere to avoid having to make any contact with them.

While I was in the marui, Tsireya had come wanting to talk to me, but due to Lo’ak loudly stating that he wasn’t sure if I was there, gave me the chance to escape by diving into the water and swimming underneath the marui until she had left in disappointment. I was willing to take any measure I could to avoid them, Ronal had made it clear where she stood with me, so I wanted to make it clear to her that I understood her boundary.

“Theres supposedly a banger going on tonight,” Lo’ak stated as we all huddled into a little family meeting.

“What would you like to do, Y/n?” Spider asks as all eyes turned to me.

“You guys make it seem like they’re actively searching for me, the only time anyone came here was Tsireya a while ago. None of them have asked about me so I’ll just stay here.” I stated while weaving a blanket for Tuk, when she was sick she claimed she felt cold and didn't have a comfortable blanket on her.

I told her that if she could find some yarn she felt comfortable with, I’d take it and make a blanket out of it for her. She’d found the right one two hours after I said that and said she spent the entire two hours hugging yarn from the yarn lady, who had been awkwardly staring at Tuk while assisting her- or so thats the story from her ten year old perspective.

“Would you like one of us here with you?” Jake offers and I laugh.

“You guys should go enjoy the party, as long as you have fun thats all that matters.” I admit.

“We could even take shifts, I can stay for the first part and come get one of the kids to cover for an hour at a time-“

“It’s been fifteen days since Tsireya came here, thats half an Earth month, I will be fine, nobody is coming in here.” I reassure him and he only thins his lips.

“Go have fun, just bring me back something sweet, okay?” I asked and they all seemed to agree.

It did take a bit to get them all to leave but they did take their time leaving little by little. It started off with Jake and Neytiri leaving at the start of the little celebration, Kiri had left with Tuk since the younger one had started to get hungry. I had been left with Lo’ak and Spider, the two most stubborn people ever.

It didn’t help that we were mostly sitting in silence so I suggested we played a game. Spider had smiled happily as he remembered Jake had hidden a deck of Uno somewhere around here. Something about him having brought the game over from home in case the kids were bored.

“You definitely have a draw four, Y/n, don’t lie!” Spider yells angrily and I roll my eyes, placing a reverse card to switch the order we were going in already.

“Hell yeah!” Lo’ak exclaims as he places a wild card of his own, switching the color to red.

“No fair, you know I don’t have any red!” Spider states while continuing to draw, having drawn twelve cards before finally placing a red one down. I place my own red reverse down on the deck and try to hide my laugh.

“Uno,” I call out as I held my last card.

“Not funny.” Spider is already pissed and I knew this would get him to leave soon.

“Draw four!” Lo’ak stated after Spider luckily had to draw two cards before getting a red, but I smirk as I pull the draw four my brother said I had and stack it on top of Lo’ak’s.

“Red.” I stated the color and Spider throws his variety of yellow and green cards down angrily.

“You guys always fuckin cheat, I’m out.” He yells as he stands to walk out of the marui while Lo’ak and I laugh.

“Do you think we were mean to him?” I asked as I gather the cards.

“Nah, we’re the dream team, plus the look on his face was worth it.” He smiles widely while handing me his own cards.

“I’m thinking about heading out and meeting up with ‘Reya, you’re sure you’ll be okay?” He asks and doesn’t even bother getting up. Had the circumstances been different he would have started standing up already, not waiting for an answer as he headed out toward his girlfriend.

“I’ll be fine, Lo, honestly wanna get this blanket done so Tuk stops asking me if its done,” I smile as I take the half finished project I had with a grin.

“She has no patience.” He agrees as he stands up.

“I’m sure the others have forgotten but I’ll bring you back something sweet, kay?” He states.

“Thank you, you’re my favorite brother!”

“I always have been,” He chuckles as he slips out of the marui.

It doesn’t take too long before the curtain ruffles again and I’m surprised at how fast anyone had returned but keep my focus on my project.

“Did you forget some-“ My eyes wander up and see the person I’d least expected standing in the marui, before me stood the teal goddess I used to spend a majority if my time with.

“Y/n!” She yells excitedly in a hushed voice and it pained me to see her excited.

“Tsireya-“ I stated in shock, just staring at her, how is it the one night Jake asks me of I’m certain I could handle being alone that Tsireya pop’s back up right when I least expected it, especially after a while of not seeing her.

“Hi sweets,” She says softly while waving at me from the entrance, my blanket project long forgotten, using my term of endearment for her, on me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked in confusion as Lo’ak had just stepped out to meet with her, how long would it take him to notice she wasn’t out there.

“I came to take you to get ready,” She stated as if it were obvious why she was here, but I was still lost.

“Get ready? For what?” I asked her two questions and I notice she’s looking past me with a smile. I turn and don’t notice anything there and look back at her.

“You’re still wearing it.” She stated and I look back down on my arm and the realization hit, I had completely forgotten about the armband being on my arm as it was comfortable, kind of like it was meant to be there.

“Now come on,” She steps closer taking my hand and I couldn’t help but allow myself to be dragged on by her since I’d missed hanging out with her for two and a half weeks, maybe spending some time with her wouldn’t hurt.

She’d brought me to a waterfall I’d yet to see before and made me wash my hair, I was confused at first but thought this was more of a girls-day type thing. As she had waited for it to dry before braiding it intricately, I’d just sat there and waited for her to finish. Just when she had finished, I turned to look at her as she gasps, holding both hands over her mouth in awe.

“What? Do I look bad in braids?” I joke but she shakes her head.

“You look beautiful,” It wasn’t until now that I could feel some of the beaded accessories she’d placed in my hair.

“We need to head back over,” She states and I could only imagine she meant back in the marui which is why I didn’t mind when she grabbed my arm once more.

“Come on-“ She gently tugs as she runs in front of me.

“Where are we going?” I let out a laugh as I’m essentially out of breath from chasing after her.

“You’ll see, come-“ She tugs me again with an excited smile on her features, one that made me forget my surroundings only because I hadn’t been near her in a while, I truly missed spending time with her.

“You need to walk through,” She states as we stand behind some curtains of some sort but I look at her weirdly.

“Is someone killing me if I step through?” I asked, wondering if her mother was on the other side of the curtain.

“Just step through,” She says with a smile and my curiosity peaks finally stepping through the curtains, being placed on a stage in front of the clan, eyes widening.

“Kaltxì-“ I nervously stated, just to see Ronal stepping up, I look down immediately and try backing up through the curtains again, there was no way I am going to stay here.

“Hey-“ I bump into someone and their hands are on my shoulders, I only turn my head upward and see Ao’nung looking down at me, my brows furrow in confusion and before I could say anything Ronal turns to address the clan.

“We’re gathered as a clan today to celebrate the union of my son, and his mate Y/n.”

“What?” I asked in complete shock and disbelief, but my voice only having been a whisper, nobody hearing me as the cheers of the crowd had grown.

She turns to look at her son, arm stretching out overtop of me, essentially being caged in by two Na’vi bodies. Her hand reaches to what I assume is his cheek.

“A mother will always love her son for their entire lives, but your life is only beginning with her, take care of her and love her more than you have ever loved me, ma’itan.” She speaks gently to him and he squeezes my shoulders gently as she looks down at me, I want to look away but she places her hand on my cheek, the sudden act of affection catching me off guard.

“You have shown me that I was wrong about tawtute. You helped me during a great time of need and I can see how you have loved ma’itan. You are strong and capable of many things that I was too blinded by my own prejudice to see. You are a worthy mate for him. Oel ngati kameie, Y/n.” She stated and placed her finger on her forehead, extending it toward me as she said that.

“Now if you are agreeable to your own union, I would like to speak blessings upon the two of you.” She stated as she awaits my answer.

“You said you didn’t want your son with a vrrtep-“

“I know what I have said and I was wrong. I am hoping you can accept my deepest apologies. When I was giving birth, you helped me even after the nasty things I said to you, you were willing to let ma’itan be happy and keep his status by trying to leave him, you were willing to sacrifice your happiness for his.” She stated with tears welling up in her own eyes. “I am not a perfect mother, but I try to be, and seeing how happy he is when he talks about you proves he follows his heart, just as closely as he follows you.”

“You already know how I feel about you, Yawne,” Ao’nung speaks gently, I crane my neck backward just to catch him looking at me with a sweet smile.

“I missed you so much,” I place my hand on top of his, which remained on my shoulder and I give him a light squeeze.

“I missed you too yawntutsyìp,”

“What do you say?” Ronal asks and I give her a small nod.

And she starts letting the many blessings fall from her tongue. Starting with the growth of the clan by the union we were sharing and blessing each of us separately, that Eywa may use us to assist in her workings as well as blessing us with many children- even though I felt that would never happen.

“And before the clan you must speak your vows. As always, the male will speak first.” She nods toward her son as she steps to the side and he steps from behind me, turning to face me- from what I’d seen during the other ceremony’s I follow his steps and face him, to have him squat on his toes so he is eye level with me, our hands holding each other.

“With these words I present my vows to you, Y/n Y/m/n Socorro, as your faithful mate.” He stated the typical introduction before looking right into my eyes with a small smile as he speaks words from his heart, my eyes tearing up as I try holding my big fat cry-baby tears for nothing since they slide down my cheeks.

“With these words I present my vows to you, Ao’nung Te Tswa’ìn Tonowar’itan, as your faithful mate-“ I start my own vows and for the first time I notice the tears collecting in his eyes as I continue.

“Now you may turn, and let Eywa decide your familial fate.” Tsireya speaks loudly and notice the garment placed before us. The biggest shell catching my eye, it was the color of their ocean and I smile.

“Ready?” He asks while squeezing my hand affectionately.

“Get closer to it so we can step on it at the same time,” He gently pushes the small of my back and I feel nervous, looking back at him as he lifts his leg.

“On three,” He reassures me and I nod. I knew it was wishful thinking but I closed my eyes harshly and slam my foot down on the shell as hard as I can, opening them and turning toward him, not even bothering to look at the pieces.

“Pukap!” Tsireya yells as everyone cheers and my shocked face turns to see the shell having broken into six unequal pieces, I look back at my now husband in shock, he’s smiling excitedly.

“Having four children is a big blessing, tsmuke,” Tsireya says as she waits for us to pick our respective pieces.

_________

Having Kiri, Spider, Lo’ak, and even little Tuk on my side on this day has proven effective. They had mentioned how Y/n was wanting to avoid me and I found it devastating at first but completely understood where she was coming from.

I’d planned this entire thing myself but was honestly thankful to Y/n’s tsmuktu for helping me and allowing this entire thing to happen. I was happy to have the love of my life forever now, officially.

Knowing we’d have four children was unexpected but a blessing nonetheless, but could tell that having children was still something Y/n was not expecting. I could tell she was skeptical but I knew it would happen.

She picks up a piece of the shell that I was eyeing myself and felt saddened by it but accepted it, until she turns and hands it to me. I look at her in surprise as she smiles.

“I figured this was the piece you’d like the most,” She stated shyly and I smile, taking it from her grasp.

“Thank you little one, does this mean I get to pick yours?” I asked her and she blushes before looking down and nodding.

Something of this nature had only been done one other time before- I’d heard the stories many times around the fire pit- my own parents union ended like this, but it was not a story Y/n had heard before, which was what warmed my heart the most, looking up at my father I can see him smiling at my mother with adoration.

“This one,” I pick up a piece thats similar to the shape she often shows me with her hands, a heart is what she calls it.

“It’s perfect,” She smiles as she takes it and I couldn’t resist the urge after she’d said that.

“You’re perfect.”

She blushes and looks away before I use my fingers to bring her chin back up to make her look at me, her face looking adorable, it felt warm underneath my fingers.

Before either of us could say anything, many people joined in on the traditional first song sang after the shell being broken, the garment being thrown around us as everyone joined to happily sing. It doesn’t take long for the song to finish and I have another place in mind where we could be.

“Would you do me the honors of following me?” I ask her and she furrows her tiny brows in confusion but takes the hand I had offered her and we start walking toward the beach.

“Where are we going?” She asks once we’re pretty close to stepping into the water.

“The spirit tree.” I admit as I call an Ilu over, stepping into the water, tugging her arm gently to get her closer to me.

“But first,” I settle her onto the Ilu before sliding on after her, placing my arm protectively over her waist. “We need to talk.” I’d sat her backward so her back was toward the Ilu’s head, as she faced me, my arm gently running across her spine to reassure her that it was nothing bad. “We’ll have to go the long way so we can sty above water, okay?” I state again.

“What is there to talk about?” She asks shyly and tucks her own hair behind her ear while looking at the ocean, eyes hesitant to look back on mine.

“A lot of things, Tìyawn,” I stated as the Ilu moves forward.

“Why would you visit Neteyam?” She asks and I’’m glad she does, I’m surprised she’d managed to get the hint.

“I felt guilty for how I’d spent a majority of the time he was here bullying him and your tsmuktu instead of trying to make friends with everyone. And I was lonely really, having two tawtute join the clan when you hate them was hard, he gave me an escape and we talked about anything and everything.” I share with her.

“Why didn’t you tell me about visiting Neteyam?” She asks.

“I didn’t see it as something I needed to share, but I was wrong on that.

“What did he say to you?” She doesn’t have to specify the night she was talking about and I look down with a soft smile.

“He said Eywa came to him to tell him she had trouble choosing a mate for me, and he said the only person he could think of was Y/n,” I tell her, placing my finger gently on the tip of her nose as she smiles at my action. “I look at him confused because that sounds like a word in your vrrtep language, he laughs and tells me thats your name and I am to use it to address you.” I explain and she nods along.

“He says he has chosen you as my mate because of how sassy you are, but that you were very sweet. He said you were captivating in every way possible.” Her eyes are widened in awe as she listens to the story.

“But you know me, I was stubborn, didn’t want to hear it but continued asking questions about how he knew these things and he finally tells me the two of you were courting. I was surprised, because nobody has ever heard of a union between tawtute and Na’Vi, I didn’t want to hear anymore and broke my connection with the spirit tree.”

“Do you regret it?” She asks in a tiny voice but I’m unsure of what she meant.

“If you mean disconnecting my kuru and swimming away from what he said, yes, if you are asking if I regret being with you, never.”

“Do you think you could do me a favor?” She asks nervously chews on her bottom lip.

“For you I’d do anything, all you have to do is ask.”

“Can you connect to the spirit tree and tell him I said thank you, for everything?” She asks sweetly and I nod.

“It should be me thanking him, little one, but I will tell him anything you want.”

“Can you tell him to visit me in my dreams?” She asks hesitantly and seems as if she regrets saying that.

“I will.” I reassure her just as we exit the retaining wall and turn to go to the spirit tree.

Arriving at the spirit tree had planted a smile on her sweet little face. The illuminated space was beautiful during this time of night and seeing her face lit up was even better.

“Your tahnì!” She states as she looks at my chest, smiling widely, letting her hands slide down my arms.

“I want you to sit up here while I dive, okay?” I state as I take her by the waist, lifting her off the ilu and up onto the magnetic rock walkway she had sat on once before.

“Please be safe,” She expresses concern on her beautiful face and I couldn’t help but kiss her, it had been a while since we did that.

“Just for you,” I reply before dipping my head below the water and heading over toward the petals. Grabbing my braid and looking at the tendrils sliding out of it, looking back up through the water and seeing my love’s little feet in the water, I look back at the petal before connecting my kuru and allowing my mind to calm itself.

~~~~~~

“It’s nice to see you again.”

I wince as his voice has remained the same. He didn’t sound angered one bit, I allowed my nerves to busy themselves as I observed the scenery before me and it comes as a shock that we aren’t in the forest like we usually are.

“We are home, why?” I asked as I turn, looking at the sky, before settling back on him.

“Change of scenery. I was getting bored in the forest.” He states nonchalantly.

“Neteyam, I want to apologize for leaving abruptly when I did-“

“It appears I was right hmm?” He raises his brows in amusement, smiling wide. “She has humbled you.”

He comments and I’m blushing.

“You had it the moment I told you about her.” He smiles and I’m in awe.

“She is everything you said she would be and somehow even more.” I respond and he nods.

“She is your wife now, I take it.” He asks and I can’t stop myself from nodding as a childlike spirit with no real body runs up to him.

“Neteyam, can you-“ The little spirit cuts itself off from talking as it catches a glimpse of me.

“Hello there,” I wave at the adorable white glowing orb, its body mostly glowing so I couldn’t really make out the gender.

“Ma’sempul!” The little spirit flies over to me and tackles me happily bouncing all over my chest.

“I’m afraid you have me confused with someone else, I’m not your-“

“This is the spirit of the first child you are set to have between yourself and Y/n.” Neteyam says as he gently picks the child up and off my chest.

“Those exist here too?” I asked in disbelief as Neteyam nods.

“Yes,” He smiles at me before turning the kid around and pushing them by the shoulders. “It’s not your time to head out into the world yet, but soon, I’ll be back in a second to play with you okay?” He reassures the tiny spirit and I feel my heart ache at the sight of them leaving.

“For obvious reasons I cannot tell you much about them, only that they will definitely be a handful.”

“As long as I have Y/n, I’ll be alright.” I admit and Neteyam nods.

“That is true, how-“ He cuts himself off and I only smile as he tries fitting the words the way he wants.

“How is she?” He asks with genuine curiosity.

“I would love to tell you, but she told me to make sure and tell you to visit her in a dream. Maybe there you can catch up. Maybe destress together, if you catch my drift.” I stated and his eyes widened.

“Think about it, okay? I’ll make sure to tell her to enjoy herself. It’s the least I could do for you.” I smiled at his shocked face.

“Thank you for coming to see me again.” Neteyam stated pleasantly before the little spirit started walking back over. “But my hands are full at the moment so I will see you another time, yeah?” He asks and I nod.

“I’ll visit you again, and thank you for everything Neteyam.”

“You’re welcome, Ao’nung.”

I opened my eyes as soon as I pulled my Kuru from the spirit tree, feeling a sense of relief flooding through me as I’d finished my visit with Neteyam. Kicking my feet as I floated upward closer to the surface to meet my wife.

__________

I’m not one to write notes at the bottom of the story but I didn’t wanna spoil anything up there^^ but I have a question for y’all if you could answer in the comments

Should I include a Neteyam x Y/n dream scapes smut for the next chapter? She won’t get pregnant off of it but I figured I’d ask to see what you guys wanted. And it also doesn’t help that Doja cats “Shine” was playing in my ear and I got to the part where she says “Yeah I’m fucking Mike, Dick was hella mean, slipped in so nice” 😖😫

This is legit the only reason I posted this chapter a lil earlier, just to get y’alls opinion in how the next one should go… the more feedback I get the faster I can start the next one… tysm

#avatar smut #avatar #avatar the way of water smut #afab reader #human reader #aonung #aonung x reader #aonung x reader smut #ao’nung x reader #ao’nung #ao’nungxhumanreader #aonung x female reader #ao’nung x female reader

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jokeroutsubs · 2 months

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ENG SUB: JokerOutSubs x RADIOaktivno collab: Joker Out – Šta bih ja

Audio + CC link here

We want to thank once again Boštjan Najžar from RADIOaktivno podcast (Facebook, YouTube), for collaborating with us for a third time. We’ve previously worked with him on the English subtitles for the 'Umazane misli' album presentation and 'Demoni' album presentation. Please check them out, if you haven’t seen them yet.

We’d also like to extend our sincere gratitude for the shout out during the interview! Acknowledgements of our hard work and positive comments like this keep us going, and the whole team was so pleasantly surprised! It is very much appreciated!

Credits: Transcript and translation by @kurooscoffee and an anonymous member of JokerOutSubs, proof read by IG GBoleyn123, captions by @kurooscoffee and X pastellibianchi.

Transcript below the cut👇

Host: Bojan from Joker Out is with me. Hi.

Bojan: Hi, hi!

New songs are slowly trickling towards completion, or not?

Bojan: Let's say 'slowly trickling', is a very good expression, yes.

So is the creative process also slower because of all your other occupations or not?

Bojan: Yeah, these concerts are a bit of a distraction, the heat outside certainly doesn't have the best effect on working before four or five in the afternoon, so the pace isn't the fastest, but I still think that it's the right one for this moment.

And if you also look at last year, would you say it was a great year?

Bojan: Yeah, that year was… Really, to say dreamlike would be an understatement, because even when we were dreaming, we couldn't have imagined that, so, truly unbelievable.

After all, 'Carpe Diem' was the most played Slovenian song?

Bojan: Yeah, yeah. It's true.

And then there's the golden record in Finland.

Bojan: Yeah, we never imagined that we'd get a golden record in Finland before we got it in Slovenia, but here you go, anything can happen.

And you have also literally taken Slovene around the world.

Bojan: We have, yes. Which is a very interesting phenomenon, that can't be fully grasped either by the locals in the places that we visit, nor by us, but it's beautiful and very magical to come to a new place every time and to hear the people, whom you actually can't differentiate, while they're in the crowd, from the Slovenian audience, in terms of singing.

The 'See You Soon' tour is also behind you. That was an actual, real, tour. How did you experience all this?

Bojan: Yeah, now we've actually experienced this, let's say, a tour as we imagined it from music documentaries and films from abroad and I have to say that it was a really good mixture of intensity and pleasure. We went into all of it, I'd say, quite maturely and professionally, so that we could make it through all the concerts healthy, and get one hundred percent out of ourselves at each location. So it'll forever be one of those very, very, very beautiful memories.

I guess it all requires quite a bit of physical fitness as well?

Bojan: Yeah, which, honestly, I'll speak for myself, I don't have, but cardio at concerts somehow meets at least the basic needs.

But it looks different on stage. You're always in good shape there, when I see the various clips online.

Bojan: Yes, exactly! I'm somewhat in shape on stage, but offstage, (laughs) unfortunately, not so much.

You've already played new songs on the tour and one of them has now become a single. It's the song 'Šta bih ja'.

Bojan: Mhm.

This time in Serbian.

Bojan: Yeah. 'Šta bih ja' was basically the first song that we did in London, when we went to make music for the third studio album and somehow, already in the rehearsal space, it suited the band the most. And the first time we played it live, it was apparently also very well… it had a very good response from the audience and we stuck to the song and we recorded it in the studio as the first one and released it as the first single, because it was kind of expected by the fans.

Considering the activities that you all have in the band, or that you have yourself, then you don't have either a house or an address?

Bojan: Unfortunately, no. (laughs)

In that case, maybe you prefer to offer or give out hotel addresses to everyone?

Bojan: Yeah, yeah. You could find a lot of hotel addresses because we've tried out plenty this year.

There's also an animated video that accompanies the song?

Bojan: Yes, the music video is… actually the work of one of our fans. On his Instagram profile, for each of our songs, he posted 15- to 20-second video animations which we always thought were, I'd say, original, different, and we decided that we wanted to do something different for this one and something that we haven't tried before, so we contacted our friend and asked him if he could make a music video. Fortunately, he responded with a positive answer, so we are very satisfied with how this came out. And again, involving the fans in our work somehow completes the picture and gives it an overall conclusion.

You mentioned earlier, Bojan, that you're preparing a new album, when can we expect it?

Bojan: You can expect it, let's say, by the end of October at the latest, I hope, and if not, certainly by the end of the year.

Will you be switching between languages on the album as well, Serbian, Slovenian, English?

Bojan: Absolutely, yeah. All three languages. will be present on the album.

When will there be a song from you in Finnish? Considering the fact that you did pretty well with Finnish?

Bojan: Oh! It's not in the plans as of yet, but I'd say that if things continue developing the way they are at the moment, something like that could happen very quickly, yes.

Because Käärijä's latest single is also a collab, or rather, a 'featuring', if I remember correctly. It was released not long ago.

Bojan: Yeah, yeah, yeah! He recorded the latest collab with Joost Klein, a Dutch musician, so, I don't know, well, maybe, like I'm saying, there may be some kind of a collaboration, or even an independent Finnish project in the future.

We'll say more when the album comes out, so we don't break the tradition.

Bojan: Right

By the way, the two interviews that we've done (T/N: 'Umazane misli' & 'Demoni' album presentations), have already been translated into English by a team that also works for you, or rather supports you.

Bojan: That's right, JokerOutSubs, who diligently review the materials about us on a daily basis, as they come out, and translate them into English and many other languages, so one huge huge hello to them, and a big thank you.

As I said, the song 'Šta bih ja' is now released. When is 'Bluza' coming?

Bojan: 'Bluza' is coming in the near future, but to be completely honest, I have no idea when we're planning to release it.

But now, on the air, we'll hear the recent one, 'Šta bih ja'. Bojan, šta bih ja radio? ('Bojan, what would I do?')

Bojan: Šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio? ('What would I do in this black night without you?')

ŠTA BIH JA

Everyone: We are Joker Out!

Bojan: And you're listening to RADIOaktivno.

#joker out #jokeroutsubs #bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #käärijä #joost klein

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motomamita · 10 months

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Whiplash

Based on the movie Whiplash (2014)

Pairing: Guitarist!Eddie Munson x Female!Guitarist!reader

Summary: (YN) puts Eddie's place in the music group at risk, so he decides to visit her at night and clear things up.

Warnings: Smut, +18, a looot of cursing and dirty talk, possesive Eddie, rough sex, hatefuck, unprotected sex, Fletcher is a warning himself, violents talks, idk.

Do not copy or translate, and sorry for my bad english. Muak.

Eddie entered the rehearsal room carrying his guitar case while trying not to bump into his classmates, reading the sheet music that Fletcher had given them days before.

He had been in the select group at the conservatory for 2 weeks and still felt nervous like the first time. After Fletcher fired his previous guitarist, Eddie was chosen from among many guitarists at the conservatory to take his place. He finally had an important position on the team and he wasn't going to let anyone take him away from there.

Everyone took their places and began to warm up their instruments, practicing individually without paying attention to the rest of their classmates. They stayed like that until Fletcher came into the room. The silence became absolute and the nervousness was present.

"We are weeks away from the presentation at the exhibition." Fletcher commented looking at his musicians who kept their eyes on the floor. "My reputation and that of the Conservatory depends on your performance there." He spoke seriously. "So if any of you, fucking shits, decide to make some mistake and ruin everything...! You'll just have to pick up your stuff and leave before I kill you with my own hands, okay?!" Fletcher's voice echoed throughout the place.

Neither Eddie nor the others dared to speak. They kept their eyes on the ground and their hearts pounding, not moving to avoid attracting Fletcher's attention and automatically becoming his next victim.

"OK?!" He repeated angrily.

"Yes sir!" They all responded in unison.

"Good very good." Fletcher sat down in his chair and everyone quickly get ready to play. "We start with Caravan."

The band began to play immediately, following the scores with their eyes to avoid mistakes that could harm them. Eddie fixed his gaze on his fingers on the strings as he bobbed his head rhythmically. He had already studied this song the night before to avoid mistakes so he knew it by heart from beginning to end. He didn't want to be the victim of Fletcher's fury, not again.

It took a few seconds until Fletcher waved his hands in the air asking them to stop immediately, which they did. A grimace of disgust settled on the man's face. Someone had made a mistake and Eddie prayed it wasn't him.

"Edward. What the fuck was that!?" It had been him. "Is smoking affecting your damn retarded chimpanzee brain?"

Fletcher yelled at him from his spot, placing his hands on his hips and still looking at him. Eddie lowered his gaze embarrassed and didn't say a word, anything he could say was going to complicate the situation even more.

"I think I'm going to have to hit your damn fingers with a hammer to get them to play ONE note right! Son of a bitch.."

Fletcher was interrupted by a knock on the door of the room. He walked to open the door, welcoming whoever was behind.

"Thank God you came! This idiot is ruining everything!" He exclaimed with a certain tone of calm in his voice. "Everyone, meet (YN). She'll be our lead guitarist."

Eddie looked up from the ground when he heard the name. His eyes connected with hers, his 'former fuck' and now 'new enemy'. He hadn't seen her since the last time they fucked, before they both entered the conservatory and had a fight over who was the best player.

"Thank you for considering me and giving me the opportunity to play with you." She smiled. That damn smile.

"You deserve it, sweetie. So take Munson's seat."

Eddie smiled, anger coursing through his body. Was this all an evil plan on Fletcher's part? Did he want to humiliate him even more?

"But... I'm the lead guitarist..." Eddie tried to defend his place.

"You're not anymore. Until you improve your technique and keep your mind on the scores and not thinking about whores and drugs." Fletcher responded harshly. "Now you are going to be in charge of turning the pages of (YN's) sheet music."

The girl walked to Eddie's seat, who reluctantly gave her his place and stood next to her. (YN) set up her guitar and took out her own folder of sheet music, extending it to Eddie.

"We're back again with Caravan." Fletcher informed, returning to his place in the room.

"You heard, place my pages on Caravan." (YN) murmured with a mocking smile to Eddie, who closed his fists trying to mitigate his anger and followed the girl's orders.

"And one, two and.. Three!"

Three loud knocks echoed on the door of (YN's) small apartment. The girl, who had just come out of the shower, put on a t-shirt that reached her thighs and ran to the door still with her hair wet.

When she opened she found Eddie Munson, who also didn't seem happy to see her again. Many times he had shown up at her door, months ago, with desire and need in his eyes and then fucked her until dawn. Now, his gaze expressed pure annoyance and it was more likely that he wanted to finish her off before making her finish.

"Why? Uh? Why the hell do you want to sabotage me?" He asked placing his hand on the door frame, preventing her from closing it.

"I didn't sabotage you, you just did." She explained calmly. "It's not my fault I'm better than you." She smiled cynically.

"No! You're not better than me and you know it. It's all a damn plan to drive me crazy and push me over the edge, right?" Eddie raised his voice upset.

(YN) sighed and grabbed him by the collar of his leather jacket, making him enter the apartment before the neighbors complained about the noise.

"You're really paranoid if you think I'm doing all this for you. I made the team on my own merit, I'm not part of any 'evil plan' to make you suffer, as much as I'd like to see that." She explained, taking a few steps forward to stay close to him.

"Did you fuck Fletcher?" Eddie asked quietly as he looked into her eyes.

"What?" She asked after a few seconds confused.

"You did it, right? All so you could steal my place on the team." He asked again, now more confident.

"No, I never did." She shook her head, still looking into his eyes. "But I might try, if that makes you even more jealous." She murmured mischievously after a few seconds.

Neither of them moved for the first few seconds. The street lights entered through the windows of the apartment, leaving little visibility and turning them into shadows for the outside gaze. The ticking of the clock resonated almost at the same tempo as the rapid heartbeats of both, creating a melody as dangerous as it was captivating.

Eddie couldn't contain himself any longer and launched himself at her, placing one of his hands behind her neck and pulling her towards him, kissing her desperately. (YN) did not refuse and received him gladly, hugging him by the shoulders and pressing her body even closer to his. The kiss became more violent, showing that there was not only desire there but also a great amount of hatred in both of them. Without separating, they moved to the couch where (YN) collided with him, becoming cornered between it and Eddie.

"Damn whore, trying to steal my place..." Eddie murmured against her lips while one of his hands moved up her thighs until he reached her core. "And you're not wearing panties... It seems like you were waiting for me to arrive and find you like this..." He growled and one of his fingers began to make circular movements on her clitoris. Her legs trembled at the sudden stimulus, closing her thighs instinctively.

"I wasn't waiting for you, but for Fletcher.." she joked, enjoying Eddie's jealous look.

In one quick movement Eddie turned her and placed her face down, with her abdomen over the back of the couch. One of his hands grabbed hers and her t-shirt, leaving her bare from the waist down. (YN) let out a moan at that, getting even wetter from Eddie's mini aggressions. He knelt, still holding her hands, and brought his head to her center.

"You smell as exquisite as always.." He spoke and then took his mouth and began to lick her folds with need. She moaned loudly, rolling her eyes back as the tip of Eddie's tongue found her clit. "My pussy, this is my fucking pussy.." he growled, tasting all the wetness of her.

"Eddie! Shit..!" She moaned desperately at the wave of pleasure he was giving her with just his mouth. The neighbors were definitely aware of what was happening.

He abruptly separated from her center, uncomfortable by the boner that formed inside his pants. He clumsily pulled down his pants along with his boxers, revealing his hard cock whose tip was glistening from the accumulation of precum.

"Shit.." He mumbled at the sight, not at all surprised at the effect (YN) had on her. "You make me so fucking hard.."

With his free hand he brought his cock up to her wet hole. Eddie released a trickle of saliva, trying to make the stretch not so painful for her, and spread it with the tip of his cock over her folds. (YN) bit her lower lip, eager to feel him inside her after several months.

In a slow but confident movement, he entered inside her making sure not to leave any centimeters out. They both moaned at the sensation and didn't move for a few seconds, enjoying the feeling. Progressively, Eddie couldn't hold on any longer and began to move at a normal pace, grunting like an animal.

"God, I hate you so much but this pussy is so wonderful.." He spoke between moans, admiring how his cock entered and left her with ease thanks to the wetness of both of them.

"Well, I hate you, you and your big fat cock.."

Eddie stopped dead when he heard her and in an unexpected movement he released her hands and grabbed her neck, bringing her back to his chest. Without warning he fucked her again, only this time with a rougher and more hateful rhythm. For (YN) it became impossible to hide her moans, the pleasure was absolute and did not seem to end.

"Moan, moan for me. Let everyone know that you will always be my fucking whore.." Eddie laughed as he heard pure moans coming from her mouth.

His balls rhythmically slapped against her clit, bringing sparks of pleasure to both of them. Her hands went to Eddie's arm that was holding her neck, noticing that out of desperation Eddie was still wearing his pants at the height of his ankles.

"Eddie..! Please..!" From the tone of her voice, he knew that she was ready to cum and it wouldn't be long until he did too.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.." Eddie repeated to the rhythm of each hard thrust, feeling her walls hug him as she cums.

(YN)'s legs shook but that didn't seem to matter to Eddie at all, who continued fucking her through her orgasm until he felt she was close. He brought his mouth to her neck, biting lightly as he stifled a moan of pleasure. After a few seconds he ended up inside her, without noticing that due to the force of his bite he had left a mark on her neck.

Slowly Eddie pulled out of her, letting some of his cum fall down her thighs and stain the floor. (YN) had to hold on to the couch to avoid falling to the floor because of how weak her legs felt. Eddie noticed and held her for a few seconds to make sure she was okay. Then, he pulled up his boxers and pants and acted as if nothing had happened, although his red cheeks and messy hair showed otherwise.

Neither of them said anything, there was no need to do so either. (YN) watched as Eddie walked to the exit but turned around before leaving.

"This doesn't end here. Soon I will regain my place on the team and you will be my whore inside the conservatory too."

Then, he left the apartment.

#eddie munson x reader #joseph quinn x reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #eddie munson #whiplash #guitarist!reader #eddie munson smut #joseph quinn smut #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x you #joseph quinn x you #joseph quinn

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