#but i will for clarity's sake and for filtering purposes

[rmbunnie]

While I’m on here i have to say its a goddamn tragedy that the jjba fandom went the basic portmanteau/mashup ship name route because its already full of music references so it would be really fun to get creative with it. In a just world fugonara would be called Strawberry Switchblade instead. A single tear is rolling down my face as i type.

[toranekooo]

EDITING RESOURCES!

actually, this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and i never quite had the energy to fix or format it but yeah. basically this is a catalogue of editing resources i personally use and/or am acquainted by!

for clarity's sake, i am by no means some great editor. i'm here for the fun and the pretty colors, and while i have been editing personally for a few years, i'm not the most knowledgeable person for this. i created this list first for personal reasons but figured everyone else might find it useful as well. so, yeah, just in case i miss a particular resource or don't add something you like, try to keep that in mind.

this will (attempt to) follow the format of me stating the resource (and if possible, a link) and some personal thoughts and critiques on said resource, especially for those unfamiliar with it.

EDITING SOFTWARE/APPLICATIONS

✧ Adobe Photoshop

is...is this even a question. of course, a natural given part of editing is adobe photoshop, it's universal and well-known, and pretty much is associated with any form of the word "edit." atlhough i can say, it's a bit dizzying for beginners but there are plenty of tutorials everywhere + it's very versatile, you can go from making gifs to drawing art, just nice to use all around.

✧ Photopea

now, photopea, in layman's terms, is just photoshop made online. so you can save yourself the download and the loooooong adobe loading screen with photopea. personally, i use this to color my gifs and for most simpler projects, because i vehemently refuse to wait 2 hours for photoshop to open so i can make a gif lol. it has a simpler interface, easy enough to understand so long as you read the labels. highly recommended for three types of people: those who can't afford ps, those who find ps hard to understand, and those who are both :D /j

✧ Picsart

the golden lamp of the editing community, simply because picsart provides A LOT of user-submitted materials through the form of "stickers" making everything so much more accessible to anyone who needs it. easy to use, easy to grasp, piscart captures editing down to a tee and is great overall! although i will warn you, a number of its resources are locked behind the gold paywall (not the user-submitted ones though) and it has issues with lag and ads in some devices. lastly, some of those stickers you find are fanart, and not all of these artists are okay with people altering or editing their work without permission, and most times, the credit never reaches them anyway. so please be mindful of what you use, artists spend a great deal of time working on their craft, just like us :)

✧ Pixlr E

i have never personally used it but its UI is greatly similar to photopea, simple and eye-pleasing. a great number of editing blogs use this for their work and it's a very capable software for editing.

✧ Ibis Paint X

technically NOT an editing software lmao, but it serves its purpose and it does it well, although it takes some effort. ibis paint x is intended for drawing, but i, as well as a good amount of other editors, can repurpose certain parts of it for editing purposes. it's a great app, from personal experience, and i'll leave some tips regarding it down below!

✧ Polarr

FANDOM-SPECIFIC RESOURCES

i have never seen so many filters in my entire life /hj just your day-to-day edit software, however polarr shines where most apps are weak, it has an extreme amount of mostly user-made filters, which you can find on literally everywhere.. i'm sure you'll enjoy using it~

✧ bsd mayoi wiki

I DO NOT SUPPORT GENSH.INRESO.URCE.

they have made statements regarding hoyoverse's sumeru that are not only dismissive but incredibly harmful for people of color like me, who are having their culture fetishized and skin color villainized by the direction sumeru is taking. dditionally, if you continue to interact with said blog, refrain from interacting with me. i will not be associated with it anymore.

@genshingraphics is an alternative blog for those who are seeking the same effect.

yes, this much is a given but i see a ton of people using the bsd wiki version of the mayoi cards (which are not transparent) when you can access the transparent versions, as well as the chibis, and their different modes in the sprite viewer. A+ for accessibility!

✧ cookie run wiki

okay, i know what you're thinking. there are already separate wiki pages for ovenbreak and kingdom, et cetera, but this one allows you to access both of them in compilation. remember to check a character's gallery, most times it contains official art not featured in game!

✧ ghibli screenshots

quality? amazing. official? yes. free to use? absolutely! little history lesson from your local cat! around the end of 2020, studio ghibli officially released over one thousand high definition screencaps of their films, making all of these images freely accessible to the public. this was a big thing because now you were legally allowed to use all these images so long as it isn't for monetary profit. everything from the big names like spirited away and howl's moving castle to the underrated gems of when marnie was there and tales from earthsea, the official studio ghibli website gives you access to the best quality content of their greatest works, all completely free!

✧ @.bsdwanscreenshots / @.bsdscreenshots

just as it says on the tin, beautiful quality screenshots of the bungou stray dogs anime + wan!

✧ @.teyvatcompendium / @.genshinsnapshots

like the others, in-game images and screenshots in high quality! they're beautiful to look at too~

✧ @.kodokuna-tamashii

they make enhanced screenshots of multiple animes! please remember to like and reblog the screenshots you'll use as appreciation for their hard work! i'm sure this'll be useful to everyone~

GENERAL RESOURCES

✧ list of transparent/png blogs

✧ list of stimblrs (this is outdated to an extent, so please check the dnis of them just in case.)

✧ @.allresources

✧ list of reverse image search software (directed at people listed in tip #7)

✧ aesthetics wiki

✧ pride flags (deviantart)

✧ unsplash ; pixabay ; pexels (stock photos! good for moodboards, aesboards, backgrounds, etc.)

✧ remove.bg

✧ coolors ; list of color palette blogs

✧ waifu2x ; resizeimage.net (in case you need to upgrade or downgrade image sizes!)

✧ how to add gradient/html-colored text on tumblr posts (only desktop but this can be bypassed by using puffin—a mobile web browser—and using the "request desktop site" feature.)

NEKO'S TIPS AND TRICKS:

✧ if you're new to tumblr, i suggest going through this comprehensive guide for new tumblr users. it helps ensure your privacy and prevents unsettling events from happening, because tumblr's userbase and features vary immensely from other sites.

✧ to add a cut / read more on your tumblr post on mobile, simply type ":readmore:" without the quotes and hit enter. you can find the same feature on the post's meatballs menu on the website/desktop. if you're posting something that may be triggering / an extremely long post, please put a read more so it doesn't clog everyone's dash. adding dots on every line does NOT work on tumblr.

✧ if you ever want to put a particular tag on top [e.g. credit or something important you want to say] put the words between quotation marks (" "). it should show up at the very top of the tags.

✧ commas don't work on tumblr tags, however users have found a way to bypass this—like how you can see commas in my tags—with a special type of character that resembles a comma. it's this ( ‚ ).

✧ desktop themes exist! it's comprised mostly of HTML and there are a big amount of amazing theme makers out there. most of you may not pay attention to desktop themes but adding a personal touch to your blog might brighten your day :)

✧ now, onto some edit-specific tips. if you're making reply icons on ibis paint x, i suggest creating the icon first, then going to the tools and choosing canvas. there, pick resize canvas and input the size you want your replycons to be! remember to turn off the keep aspect ratio switch, and when saving, make sure to use "save as transparent png" so the white background won't look off-putting.

✧ tumblr's average icon size is 128*128. however this size can make your edits look blurry or bad in quality which is why most editors choose bigger sizes for optimal clarity. headers are 640*360 for mobile and 3000*1055 for desktop. you will also notice that your edits tend to look blurred on the posts and only increase quality when tapped, this is because tumblr downgrades the display sizes of images. don't worry! this has no effect whatsoever towards the actual edit's quality, as it only changes how it appears on people's feed. clicking the edits showcases its genuine quality!!

✧ so you want to use fanart for your edits. i'll preface you with the fact that i don't use fanart and continuously refuse to do so, for reasons stated in this post here. anyway, in this post, i provided you 5 different reverse image search software, to aide in searching for the artist of a fanart. when using fanart for edits, crediting is required. and if you can't find the artist despite going through all the image search software i provided, you do not use the art. crediting sites such as pinterest, pixiv, etc. are useless. tag the actual artist. if you find they don't allow edits or resposts, delete the edits. if you can't see it on their bio/carrd/whatever, ask them. this isn't asking, this is basic decency towards content creators just like us.

✧ some genuine advice: the first few days of starting up can be...hard. there might be little traction, there might be none at all. requests will be slow as people start to grasp your edit style and understand your character. it can be a little discouraging because you feel like you're flopping, but stick through! make edits you enjoy, ask for promos, and my tidbit: while waiting for requests, try and edit for all your sources! it's a nice way to put your name on all the tags and it also draws more attention to your blog! another thing is making lots and lots of self-indulgent edits! have fun with it, as always~

✧ tag your posts! i am literally begging you to tag your posts bc tagging well is the only way to get better reach on tumblr! the only way to reach people's "for you tabs" as well as properly show up in tumblr's search function, regardless of how broken it is. some tips! if you're making a stimboard, tag every single stim! from food stims to clay stims, be as specific as necessary. tagging them also helps people who are filtering particular content from their dashes as it gives them the ability to block that tag! tag your aesthetics, fandoms, everything! please please tag well, it may be exhausting and repetitive but it lets your post be seen by ppl outside your followers which can lead them to following you for more content!

✧ curate your experience. make that dni! expand that blacklist! use that block button! delete those hateful anons! overuse the tag filtering feature! unfollow people who make you uncomfortable! refuse that request if it's rude and hurtful! as your senpai or senior or whatever, both seemingly tumblr-wise and edit blog-wise, no one else can control what you see, what you make, who you interact with, but yourself. so don't hold back or beat around the bush! making your blog a safe space for everyone is important, but never forget to make it a safe space for yourself, hm? ♡

✧ be kind to yourself. i know it's easy to get swept up in all the drama and discourse, especially for those of you who are new and unaware. just like any other community, editors have some rough edges too, we all have some bad times but please don't let it overshadow the good ones. you'll make mistakes, that much is inevitable, you're only human after all. correct them, fix them, take care never to repeat them, move on. you'll get tired and burnt out, and that's perfectly normal, you're still a person behind that screen after all. rest, find things you enjoy, distract yourself, discover something new. don't despise yourself for every little thing. this goes for other people too. we all have our faults, and we find ways to make up for it. your mistakes aren't who you are completely, no? and everything can be a learning experience. i know you're kind, so be kinder to yourself. i know you're trying your best, so take care of yourself as well. keep going, i'm proud of you!

and that's a wrap, folks! i hope this at least helped some of you and feel free to send me an ask just in case anything isn't working. i do not claim to own any of these resources, please give credit to their respective owners. this was made to help editors, new and old, so please preserve that ideal and use these in good faith. thank you to everyone who kept up with it and i hope everyone finds this somewhat useful!

[alovevigilante]

A conversation with self. By: Kari Keillor

me: well, all I know is that I think about a lot of things both consciously and subconsciously that affect my feelings and mood in my present moment. And when I internally discuss things that are hurtful, like reminding myself of people who don’t value or appreciate me, or, have treated me poorly in the past, I tend to get upset … within myself. Does that make sense?

Bigger Me: sure, cause I’m you. But let’s clarify for all those who aren’t. You’re saying that you think about things that are not kind about yourself, or, better put, you choose to recall things that don’t serve you for a better outcome.

me: yes. And for clarity’s sake, I’m going to call my higher self, “we” since I’m connected to everyone, and everyone is a more fair consensus, than just me.

Bigger Me: agreed. We, are “we” from here on out.

me: cool.

Bigger Me: ok, so now we can refer to “you”, Kari, as “you”, and ourselves, also a part of you, as “we”.

me: yeah.

Bigger Me: got it. Now, where were we.

me: In me! But more figuratively you were clarifying being “we”.

Bigger Me: right. Ok.

me: Listen, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but if you are upset with me, and thinking negative things about me in our head, maybe you need to square things up with you, first, and not me.

Bigger Me: right, we agree. But we, remember, are a facet of you. So, we will aid in the squaring up.

me: and yes, it doesn’t escape me that I feel insane sometimes, and I’m talking to myself in my online journal.

Bigger Me: Listen Kari, we experience what you do, so let’s save the judgement and just continue chatting til we feel better. Deal?

me: Deal.

Bigger Me: Ok, let’s begin by saying that we’re your support team. We’re a part of you, but also connected to everyone else too. But we are here for you whenever you need us, and even when you think you don’t.

me: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Bigger Me: Great. So since we’re your internal guidance, we want what you truly want. And it’s your choice as to what energy we guide you with, since your filter will only allow whatever energy you’re ready to accept. And you are the person we’re focusing on right now. Make sense?

Me: Go on…

Bigger Me: alright, we believe you’re seeing yourself and other people in a not so great, kinda “eh” way. You believe you are mostly disliked by all who know you, and you review that frequently in your mind. We aren’t saying it, you are. But we’re all experiencing the energy of your opposing thoughts to what and how you truly are.

Me: yes. I’m not always down with people these days. Especially myself.

Bigger Me: …yes… and you are missing people being kind to you. And since you’ve alienated yourself from all those people in the physical, you are not being kind to you, by thinking about all the ways you have perceived and experienced the proof of your beliefs that you are not liked.

me: yes. I tend to be reactive to the energy that I perceive they are emitting to me.

Bigger Me: ok, right. Fair enough.

me: I usually am.

Bigger Me: well, since we are a facet of you, we agree.

me: yes! I knew there was a reason I enjoyed talking to you. But what happens when you like people, but you don’t agree with their interpretation of you, meaning me? That discord is hard to overcome, especially when their opinion is how ass I am.

Bigger Me: well, that’s just the thing.

me: what is?

Bigger Me: well, if that resonates, that’s what you need to look at. That’s how you may feel about yourself. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t affect you as much being labeled as that, because it wouldn’t be near to your higher vibrational state. But if you are close to agreeing with that ass statement, you’re gonna inevitably feel it.

me: damn…

Bigger Me: yeahhhh! Shit!

me: ok. Unfortunately I can’t get further away from the feeling of ass to experience much else right now, cause that’s all I’m replaying over and over in my head as of late.

Bigger Me: we know. That’s why we’re discussing. We think the thing to do is become in solidarity with the truth of the matter, and that is that you’re actually a loving, good person.

me: “unconditional love” is a little too lofty of an energy to leap to from where I’ve been recently and currently reside. I’ve been taking up a seemingly permanent residence in ass gulch, especially after I think about things about my past that support the hypothesis held by others and now by myself, that I suck.

Bigger Me: yes, we feel it.

me: so you see where I’m coming from then?

Bigger Me: of course we do. We’re you.

me: right. I keep forgetting…

Bigger Me: well, you’re currently writing about how people think you suck, thereby focusing on that, and reexperiencing the feeling of it. And we gotta say, we all hate it.

me: yeah. Me too.

Bigger Me: right! So, in short of getting a frontal lobotomy, maybe the path of least resistance would be to be more aware of what we’re thinking and what kinds of thoughts we entertain from here on out.

me: listen, that’s too tall of an order for me to do all the time. One can go insane and argue that I already have by writing this conversation with myself, let alone get lost in the minutiae of paying attention to every little thought I have ever. Also, I don’t have many friends left in which to share all this with.

Bigger Me: well, considering your current energetic state, we venture to say that that’s probably a good thing.

me: how so?

Bigger Me: well, you wouldn’t want to pass this ass to someone else, would you?

me: no. They may catch it.

Bigger Me: right. So going back to what we normally discuss, becoming more of yourself is cool and all, but your issue is when you bring the new “you” to the old energy, it’s not jiving so well. Because when you finally go back to interact with the other people that share your world, you become fearful that you will be rejected for it.

me: is that what the issue is?!

Bigger Me: well, we are a part of you, but we are also a part of everyone else too, so we have a slightly bigger perspective…

me: ok. Well, what about the people who don’t like me? Sometimes I construe their behavior as less than kind towards me, on purpose.

Bigger Me: seeing the world through the fear filter will garner that reactive, defensive energy. You will keep finding proof of your thoughts and beliefs, and you’ll keep creating situations for you to defend yourself. It’s a vicious cycle. The next time you feel defensive in a situation try this: when you feel attacked, go to a place in your head where there’s no argument, and no insult to fight against.

me: I can’t go there in my head immediately! People will think I’m nuts, or a pushover if I start talking about the calla lilies being in bloom as an answer to their insulting everything about me.

Bigger Me: can’t be any worse than what you perceive people think of you already. What do you care?

me: well, unfortunately I do.

Bigger Me: that’s the whole issue.

me: you have to at least be in the same reality as they are, don’t you?

Bigger Me: well, if you come from the preexisting, already established reality of insult and abuse, which incidentally always stems from fear of inadequacy, then you will continue the chain of abuse by accepting it. But, if you choose to have a filter of love, the weird stuff you claim people do and say to you won’t even register to you as such. Your filter in turn wouldn’t resonate or pick up the insult, or, if it does, you won’t care. Cause love overrides it. You end up filtering anything not love, out.

me: oh. I guess I never thought of it like that before, or I have, but I forgot.

Bigger Me: that’s why we check in.

me: let’s just say, that i say something kind to a jerk fach, and they gut punch me, are you saying I won’t feel it?

Bigger Me: well, first of all, you’ll feel it. And thereafter every time you think about it. But if you were to accept the energy of love you’d only have to experience the pain once, if that was the case. Also, if you were in the love energy, you wouldn’t label them as a “jerk fach” to begin with… and probably not have been open to being in the position of being gut punched, either physically or emotionally. In that case that’s still you choosing to hold and engage in some “not so great” energy. And that’s not love.

Secondly, people who are primarily choosing to experience and live in the energy of love aren’t usually around people who don’t, because the two energies don’t resonate. If they do happen to cross paths, which can sometimes occur, it doesn’t usually last for long. Everyone needs to, and will experience and be exposed to both contrast and love depending on life’s circumstances. There’s always a choice presented in every situation.

me: ok, but what if someone labels you as a jerk fach, and then gut punches you for no apparent reason…

Bigger Me: then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, don’t focus on the negative eventualities that are most likely not probable.

me: got it.

Bigger Me: Kari, you are a loving person. We appreciate your willingness to be open about your life, and wanting people to understand that everyone has an internal monologue that they are playing out both in their heads, and in their lives according to how they feel. You deciding to be honest about yours, is beneficial to the whole of all of us, regardless of who reads this or not. Because just the mere creation of the energy is enough to create a catalyst for change. It’s out there, and we are too. Life is how you decide to perceive it. Deciding to explore your feelings and your thoughts that aid in how you feel is a fast track to developing a way to your happiness. This is for anyone, including you. So, be you, and don’t worry about how you are perceived and treated by others. Because when your sole focus is love, that is all you’ll see and experience.

me: thanks for caring.

Scene.

[olliya]

Readers’ engagement in SasuSaku, NaruSaku, KakaSaku and MadaSaku fics

When I was publishing Sakura‘s ships popularity @yangssunglasses​ drew my attention to the fact that “popularity” is not only what is written, but also how it is received by the readers.

Assessing readers engagement is difficult, and had many pivots, but here is my first take on it.

Methods

I chose 4 ships: SasuSaku, NaruSaku, KakaSaku and MadaSaku.

For each ship, after choosing the relevant characters in Filters Menu and ticking the “Pairing Option”, I sorted the fics a) by Favourites and b) by Reviews.

I defined following bins:

>500

201-500

101-200

51-100

21-50

11-20

6-10

2-5

1

0For a) and b) approach separately, and assigned the fics to bins (i.e. I counted how many fics there were that had more than 500 reviews, how many of those that have between 201 and 500 reviews etc..)

Please note that the bins are not normally distributed, but it is a conscious choice because neither are the data. I couldn’t really check *how* are the data distributed (I would need to scrape them for it) but my guess is that it is logarithmic. Bins themselves aren’t logarithmic, because I wanted nice round numbers, but somewhat close to it.

I, on purpose, included bins “1” and “0” because it was important for me to know how many fics did receive extremely little feedback, or none at all.

Limitations of the method

This analysis is based only on the fics tagged with Pairing Option, which was introduced in October 2013 and doesn’t reflect all, and even not the majority of fics for any pairing. Fics tagged with Pairing Option tend to be “newer”, but even for the fics published in 2013-2019, they represents only ca. half of all the fics (the other half is tagged with Ship Names): 53% for SasuSaku (see analysis for SasuSaku here), 55% for NaruSaku and 49% for KakaSaku (unpublished). When one takes the entire fic number for a ship, Pairing Option-fics represent 23%, 24% and 20% for SS, NS and KS, respectively.

With my current skill-set it is not possible to analyze fics tagged with Ship Names, because ff.net doesn’t have options of sorting results of text-searches according to Favs or Reviews (only available options are: Relevance, Update Date and Publish Date).

Therefore, this analysis represents at best the recent state of the fandom, and definitely does not represent the situation during fandom heyday in years 2007-2009.

Sorting by the number of reviews is reliable, but for unknown reasons sorting by favourites is less so. The obtained lists were not perfectly ordered from highest to lowest values in their lowest ranges (for the fics with less than 15 favs). It might be caused by the fact that favs are granted relatively often, and the sorting corresponds to actual number of given favs that are already in the system but not yet visually displayed. Nevertheless, I oriented myself exclusively by visually displayed number of favs per fic. Therefore, I needed to make manual checks in the lower ranges of favourite lists, which increased the probability of errors.

Results

The analyzed ships vary widely in size. Using Pairing Option approach there were: 5905 SasuSaku fics, 1725 NaruSaku fics, 702 KakaSaku fics and 120 MadaSaku fics available for analysis.

Let’s start with favourites per fic (Figure 1.)

It can be seen that for SasuSaku, NaruSaku and KakaSaku the most popular bin is the bin 21-50. I.e. most of the fics (1511 for SasuSaku, 581 for NaruSaku and 214 for KakaSaku) have between 21 and 50 Favs. In the highest, the “crazy-popular” category (bin >500 Favs) 120 SasuSaku, 33 NaruSaku and 12 KakaSaku fics can be found.

Otherwise the data are quite symmetrically distributed, but one cannot say too much in terms of comparisons, because the ships are very different in size. But before we move further it is worth noticing though that 78 fics of SasuSaku have only 1 Fav and 52 fics have none!

To compare the readers behavior between the ships one needs to examine the distribution in percentages (i.e. how many percent of a given ship’s fics fall into each bin) (Figure 2.)

It is possible to see that even though the most occupied category is always bin 21-50; it is occupied by 25% of SasuSaku fics, 30% of KakaSaku fics and almost 35% of NaruSaku fics. I.e. the distribution is the “flattest” in case of SasuSaku.

The “popular” side of the distribution looks very similar for all the ships, with maybe a bit of overrepresentation of KakaSaku in bins 51-100 and 101-200. However, the less popular side of the graph features a prominent overrepresentation of SasuSaku fics. There is more SasuSaku fics in bins 2-5 and 6-10 (in bin 2-5 twice as much as other fics). And the last categories: bins “1 Fav” and “0 Favs”, are populated almost exclusively by SasuSaku fics.

So, we can conclude that it is equally probable to get very good response in terms of Favs for all the three ships (i.e. have your fic fall into bins >51 Favs). If you’re publishing NaruSaku and KakaSaku, you can be almost sure of receiving at least intermediate recognition (11-50 Favs). This is however at all not the case if you are writing SasuSaku, where as much as 10% of works get virtually no recognition (7,8%, 1,3% and 0,9% falling into 3 lowest bins, respectively)

 Let’s move the parameter held in highest regard by the authors – the reviews! Real numbers for SasuSaku, NaruSaku and KakaSaku are presented in Figure 3.

For SasuSaku fics, four middle bins are populated by similar number of fics (1000+ fics in bins 2-5, 6-10, 11-20 and 21-50). NaruSaku fics show maximum in the bin 11-20, and KakaSaku is similar to SasuSaku (but of course much smaller in terms of numbers).

On the high end of spectrum, there are 111 SasuSaku fics in “crazy-popular” category (>500 Reviews), accompanied with 18 of NaruSaku and 8 of KakaSaku.

However, on the low-end of the distribution, SasuSaku shows again (as with Favs) its less encouraging facet: 191 fics have only 1 review, while 91 - none at all. The same is the case for 31 and 6 NaruSaku fics and 16 and 6 KakaSaku fics.

To compare readers behavior between the ships, let’s take a look at the percentages (Figure 4.)

Almost twice as much SasuSaku fics percentage-wise fall into the “crazy-popular” bin in comparison to other two analyzed ships (1,9% opposed to 1% and 1,1% of NaruSaku and KakaSaku). On the other hand, even more SasuSaku fics rate very low in terms of reviews – 3,2% have 1 Review and 1,5% - none at all; while the percentages in lowest bins are much lower for KakaSaku and, especially for NaruSaku.

It seems that writers of NaruSaku can await a moderately high response (majority of fics localizing in bins 11-20 and 21-50), while readers of KakaSaku probably tendentially lower one (majority of fics in bins 6-10 and 11-20). The response for SasuSaku fics is very varied, with undefined, broad maximum between 2 and 50 reviews per fic.

 SasuSaku, NaruSaku and KakaSaku represent well established, popular and widely recognized Sakura’s ships. After analyzing what can be called standard readers’ behavior, let’s compare reader’s engagement with a relatively rare and exotic ship – MadaSaku.

MadaSaku is represented with 120 fics in the analysis. For the sake of clarity of graphs, I will present results only as percentages (as numerical differences between ships are so big that data would not be legible otherwise).

Favs per fic are shown in the Figure 5.; data of the three previously analyzed ships are included for comparison.

It is immediately apparent, that “crazy-popular” category is drastically overpopulated in case of MadaSaku (7,5% of MadaSaku fics have more than 500 Favs!). Other bins on the popular side of the spectrum are also significantly over-represented (13,3% in 210-500 Favs and 20% in 101-200 Favs). Even though the 7,5% from the highest category means in terms of real numbers only 9 fics, it is nevertheless noteworthy.

Further supporting the trend of increased inclination towards giving Favs among the readers of MadaSaku, the lower part of spectrum is virtually non-existent. There is only 1 (!) fic that has between 0 and 10 Favs, all other 119 fics have 11 or more!

So, how do the reviews look? Figure 6 compares MadaSaku reviews with other three ships.

The over-representation of “crazy-popular” category is again, as was the case for Favs, very prominent. There are 5,8% (corresponding to 7 fics) in the highest bin.

Second-, and third-best categories (bins 201-500, and 101-200) are also a bit over-represented. Towards the middle of the distribution things start looking more similar to the bigger ships. Nevertheless, the lower categories (especially bin 2-5) are underrepresented, pointing to the observations that reviews are (even though to the lesser extent than the Favs), given more eagerly to the MadaSaku fics when compared to the three major Sakura’s ships.

Conclusions

SasuSaku, the largest Sakura’s ship sports a very broad distribution of both Favs and Reviews. That means in practice that while it is maybe more probable for a fic to became crazy-popular, it is even more likely that it will go completely under radar and won’t be acknowledge in any form or way.

NaruSaku and KakaSaku readers seem to “reward” their writers in much more consistent fashion, probably due to smaller “supply” of fics, and almost all fics enjoy some form of readers’ engagement.

MadaSaku, being by far smallest ship, follows a very interesting trend – it contains as many “crazy popular” fics as KakaSaku (which is 6 times larger) and only 3 times less of those fics that NaruSaku (which is 14 times larger). It additionally has no fics “left behind” in terms of Favs. One can speculate that the audience of this ship is much larger than the writers’ base and because of the rarity of published material readers are more prone to show their support. Also, within such a small ship it is virtually impossible to go undetected or to disappear under the pile of newer updates, so every fic gets to be read.

Seeing how the fics from a crackship turned out to be more predestined to be well-received than those of the more popular ones, it will be interesting to check some other exotic ships to see if this is a general trend.

[5lazarus]

Raktajino

Fear, rage, and craving pooled clammy at every crevice of her body, and Nerys stayed in motion to keep the cold sweat off. She joined Odo on his rounds of the Promenade, watching him torment Quark. They patrolled the Upper Pylons together, her phaser ready. She remembered who had built these halls, for what purpose, and how they died. Every electric flicker seemed to be a Bajoran ghost, slumped in a crevice, hung from an air duct, painted across the walls. Nerys had initially argued against keeping the station; she thought the Terok Nor resistance cell should have bombed it, just like the Shakaar had done to Gallitep. The provisional government had deemed it salvageable, and besides, they did not have the capacity at this point to allocate supplies for a space station during this reconstruction. The Bajorans had to make due with what they got--ruins of a lost civilization, a Cardassian space station built by their own slave labor, a few mostly-uninhabited moons, and the Federation. It didn’t seem enough.

They finished their patrol of Upper Pylons and took the turbolift back to the Promenade in silence. Nerys walked Odo to his office. As his doors opened, he turned to her. “Major, I hope you don’t think this forward of me--but please do not patrol the Lower Pylons alone. It isn’t safe. Not without an engineering and security detail. There are still some anti-terrorist measures left from the Occupation--I know we’ve disabled some of them, but--”

“It’s fine,” Nerys interrupted. “I won’t go chasing old ghosts by myself. I know better to go into the mining shafts alone, Odo. Even during the worst of the Occupation, we worked in pairs. I won’t do anything without you, and a few of those Starfleet engineers. Let them take the front lines for once.”

Odo nodded, satisfied. He reached a hand out, almost to her shoulder, but he saw how she tensed and dropped it. Awkwardly, he grunted, “We’ve lost enough good men to the vagaries of Terok Nor. We don’t need to lose Deep Space Nine’s First Officer and Bajoran Liaison, too. Good night, Major.” He turned to enter his office.

“Good night, Constable.”

He paused. “And, Major?”

“What?”

“Do try to get some sleep. This station needs you at full capacity.”

Nerys smiled. “Of course. Thank you, Odo.” Take care of yourself, Nerys. Don’t let nightmares of the Occupation overtake you. She walked away.

The Promenade was quiet tonight. Even Quark’s bar was slow, this late into the night, so very early into the morning. Nerys flashed to her first time there, harassed by Odo, stepping through a crew of Bajoran slaves stoned on the cheap chemicals the Cardassian overseers sold to keep them complacent, wondering if she had enough money to buy some smoke at the Ferengi’s bar. She closed her eyes as she passed and asked herself what she smelled: the acrid nothingness of Federation quality cleaners, not the stench of Cardassian sin. She asked herself what she heard: Morn chattering to a bored Quark about an old girlfriend who had joined up with some new border militia called the Maquis. She opened her eyes, and saw Deep Space Nine, a Federation-occupied space station in Bajoran Space. This was not Terok Nor anymore.

She didn’t like it when Cardassians were on the station. That pathetic collaborator, Marritza from Gallitep, had wound her as tight as a hara cat. She hadn’t wanted to think about Gallitep, the dead, the torment of it.

“Anything I can do for you, Major?” Quark interrupted. Nerys started, phaser already in her hand and chair kicked away. Quark threw his hands up, eyes wide. “Easy, easy--lost in reverie?”

Nerys snarled at him as she holstered her phaser. Picking up the chair, she said, “You could get lost--and bring me a raktajino, while you’re at it.’

“Nothing else in it?” Quark said. “Some smoke, perhaps? A shot of boton rye?”

“Smoke?” she purred, eyes narrowed. “Who do you think I am, Quark, some hopped-up Bajoran terrorist from the Dakhur Province? I’ll have you know, I am the liaison of the provisional government of the Bajoran system to the United Federation of Planets, our august saviors. And first officer of the Federation space station, Deep Space Nine. Normal space to the Bajorans, but this is Federation territory we’re talking about.”

Quark stared at her. “So I take it that’s a no, then,” he deadpanned. Morn stifled a giggle. Nerys grinned a bit dangerously at him. She hadn’t meant to snap all that at him.

“A raktajino with a shot of java, semi-sweet,” she clarified, “and fast. For Bajor’s liaison to Deep Space Nine.”

Quark shrugged and muttered something nasty and untranslatable as he moved behind the bar. Nerys didn’t need to speak Ferengi. She spoke seven Bajoran dialects and two Cardassian languages, and could get by in Vulcan without a universal translator. She grabbed her raktajino, just a little too hot, just like she liked it, and stalked to her table. For sentiment’s sake, she had staked out where she had met Odo for the first time, all those long years ago, when her hair was long, just before Elemspur, long after Gallitep. Nerys sipped her coffee, and wished fervently Quark had given her smoke anyway.

Klingon coffee was better by itself than the tincture of java the Musilla province produced. Bajor could not compete with raktajino outside of its traditional market. However, a shot of java swirled into a mug of fresh raktajino smoothed out the bitter edges and gave it an almost melon-cool aftertaste, like some Earth teas did. It was not as good as the cool, acrid clarity of a good dose of smoke, but it would get her through the next three hours, to her next shift in Ops. This was better than smoke, she reminded herself. Smoke might filter the mind and keep the body wired--perfect for a terrorist doing rounds in Dahkur--but for a diplomat and a bureaucrat and a professional soldier, it dulled color and taste and fucked with her circulation. She was not going to die young anymore, she had made it to maybe thirty years, no one had really kept track of star dates under the Occupation. She was older than her own mother now; why ruin her health with smoke? Nerys liked to see the world in color.

At Gallitep, even as the smoke cleared, she had seen everything tinged sepia with the dust of the mines. The piles of sticks that were the starving Bajoran slaves, the fragments of people left in the infirmary, even the blue-toned sponeheads were blurry and rose-colored. Even during the massacre of the Mine 3-Delta, the screaming and the raping seemed filtered through cotton. She saw a Bajoran woman with her baby half out of her belly and a stick stuck up her cunt, and even the flash of her blood, everywhere, soaking the dust, came out pink and amber. Nerys blinked. Latha had found her youngest brother’s ear, earring still attached, in the Cardassian officers’ barracks. He had always been pretty like their mother, too delicate for the mines. Nerys’ hands spasmed over her mug. Some things didn’t bear thinking about; the smoke and the dust had given his ear a healthy flesh-tone, they had never found the rest of his body--

“Is this seat taken?”

Nerys started, slapped her phaser, and gulped. It was the Emissary, it was Sisko, the Federation commander of Terok Nor, Deep Space Nine. Rapidly she blinked, resetting herself in time. “Oh, no, uh,” she pointed, “go right ahead, I was about to leave--what time is it?” She had been away with the Prophets. Marritza had gotten to her, more than a raktajino could fix. She downed the rest of it quickly.

“It’s 0400 hours, Major,” Sisko said gently. He slid across from her, his own raktajino (with jacarine peel) in hand. “We’re expected in Ops at 0600. Did you get any sleep?”

Nerys shrugged, uncomfortable. “After yesterday’s incident with Marritza, I thought it best that the Constable and I patrol the Upper Pylons, to check for any more Cardassian sabotage.” Sisko looked surprised. Nerys just wanted more raktajino.

As if on psychic demand, Quark came over. “Can I get you two anything?” His beady eyes jumped from one to the other. Nerys lifted her mug at him and gestured for two java shots. He shrugged at her, and silently took it away. Sisko looked at her questioningly. Nerys waited for her coffee.

“I take it with java. Just java,” she said, “though we used to cut it with smoke during the Resistance. But I don’t do that anymore.”

“Smoke?”

“A mild amphetamine. Easy to concoct, and the withdrawal’s not bad.  And the side effects of an addiction aren’t too difficult to handle, if you’re a wanted criminal not expecting to make it to thirty.” She flashed him a smile. “And easier to get to during the Occupation than Klingon coffee. Boiled java, cut with smoke--that was a Resistance breakfast, I suppose.”

Sisko regarded her with sympathy. Nerys, ashamed, looked down at her raktajino. Sisko said, “But now we’re not under the Occupation. And there’s plenty of raktajino to go around, on Deep Space Nine. This isn’t Terok Nor anymore.”

Kira snorted. “Tell Gul Dukat that. The Cardassians still think they own this station, no matter how much we rehab the pylons and incentivize Bajoran trade.” She looked away, back to the bar, where a few Andorian traders were grabbing a meal before the passenger ship, due at 0530 hours. The Bajorans on Terok Nor could rarely afford to eat at Quark’s, not unless they were offering the Cardassians some sort of entertainment. Quark had always liked to play the benevolent pimp. He had played that to her favor, all those years ago. “You know that out of the few survivors from the Terok Nor resistance cell, none of them wanted to stay? They said they couldn’t see any way this station could ever be made to feel Bajoran, that there wasn’t any way even the Prophets could cleanse the blood that had been drained to wire these conduits, let alone shut down the mine shafts. Odo had to recruit the militia mostly from Ashalla--we wanted people used to fighting in highly populated, high tech corridors.”

Sisko said carefully, “Kai Opaka said, before we left, that it was now time for Bajor to--heal, to let go of the ghosts of the past. To lay Terok Nor to rest.”

Nerys snorted. “Terok Nor won’t let me rest. Odo thinks we’ve found most of the Cardassian traps left over from the capture of Terok Nor, but clearing the Upper Pylons wiped out the station’s entire resistance cell, so it doesn’t hurt to be too careful. Some of them might be--must be--time-delayed.” Stiffly, she took a sip of her coffee. Now it was just lukewarm. The java came out more strongly. She waited for the aftertaste to cool her dry throat.

“Surely you don’t think Marritza was a Cardassian plot?”

Nerys sighed, stretched. “No, no, I don’t, but he had me thinking about the traps they laid for us at Gallitep, and then I got worried we missed some on Terok Nor. At Deep Space Nine. You know, speaking of Marritza--ou know his family refused to claim him? They said he was a traitor to Bajoran sentimentality. And Cardassians are so private about their dead. Odo thinks they’re too afraid to bury him, the Obsidian Order has been looking for excuses to round up our informants and they think Marritza actually helped--you know there wasn’t a single turncoat at Gallitep?” She stared at Sisko. “We had Cardassian help breaking out of Elemspur, we had Cardassians working on Terok Nor, under Dukat’s very nose, not even Odo noticed all my contacts, but at Gallitep? No one had the courage. No one thought it was wrong enough, disgusting enough, to risk their own lizard-hides. They were turning Bajorans into soap, and mixing their bones into concrete! And for the women, what they did to the ones who couldn’t stop themselves from getting pregnant--” She swallowed, hard. “And there’s only one filing clerk who heard what was going on and couldn’t ever get the sounds of it out of his head. And he didn’t even try to make contact.” Sisko was watching her, concern in his eyes. She tried to shake it off, he was the Emissary of the Prophets, how could she burden him with this? Embarrassed, she flexed her hands, trying to rub the circulation back into them. She hadn’t had smoke in almost a year now, but the numbness still lingered. He was not her vedek, he was her commanding officer. A memory from Mullibok’s farm slashed her, weeping because now there were no clear sides after the Liberation, Sisko’s disgusted face against her suppressed scream, she had burned Mullibok’s house like the Cardassians had torched her father’s garden. Furiously Nerys stared into her raktajino. Kai Opaka told her it was time for Bajor to heal. Latha once told her it was impossible to heal in the place that hurt you in the first place. Everywhere in the Bajoran star system, there was some old hurt.

Sisko said slowly, “I got my spurs during the Tzenkethi border wars.” Absently he stroked the pips in his collar. “When they had occupied the Federation colony Krondstadt-2. I remember walking down the bombed-out streets of Caspian City, checking for life signs.” Sisko sighed, closed his eyes, sipped his raktajino, and winced at the taste. “The Tzenkethi  believe that their gods are sustained by the blood of their enemies, not unlike the Klingons. Unlike the Klingons, however, prisoners of war still count as enemy forces. And they sacrificed a piece of every Federation citizen before we drove them off.”

The night shift was starting to lumber into the bar, and the tables were filling quickly with breakfast orders. Nerys scanned it quickly--the Starfleet engineering team, flustering Rom, some of Odo’s deputies, some of her militiamen, and that damn Cardassian tailor, the exiled spy, Garak. He caught her eye and smiled ingratiatingly. Nerys scowled and drank her raktajino. She hated the sight of Cardassians on the station. What were the sacrifices of the Terok Nor resistance cell for, if not to drive them all off? Gul Dukat had always liked to make an example of them. She knew she shouldn’t be so sharp when she saw a Cardassian, Marritza tried, but the Cardassians always considered every Bajoran guilty, every Bajoran was always a terrorist, always proven guilty. She turned away from him and grimaced at Sisko. He followed her gaze and sighed.

Nerys considered her cup, remembered the muted silver of her brother’s earring. He had been maybe eight years old. Kai Opaka said that her pagh was demanding her to heal, that they were no longer at war. Reparations for Bajor, reconciliation for Cardassia--that is what Marrizta wished, and she wished hard that it was him weaving through the tables instead Garak. She looked at Sisko. “We found a lot of pieces left behind at Gallitep, alright. Did you know, I had a brother at Gallitep, and--”

Garak’s shadow loomed over her table. She looked up. “Funny, Major,” Garak smiled, “so did I. Is this seat taken?” He made to sit, Nerys whirled around, ready to launch her mug right into his face, but Sisko grabbed his arm.

“Garak, you don’t have a brother,” the Emissary said. “Do you. And we were just about to leave.”

Garak chuckled. “Oh, but Commander, all Cardassians are brothers. We take fraternity very seriously on Cardassia, I’ll have you know.” Nerys looked at Sisko in disbelief. He motioned for her to stay. “Of course,” Garak’s eyes widened as he prattled on, “the family is the cornerstone of Cardassian society--for which we waged the liberation of Bajor--”

“I’m not going to listen to this,” Nerys pushed away from the table and slammed her raktajino down.

“--but,” Garak continued serenely, “when we consider the pieces we left behind, strip-mining of the Rakantha province aside, I cannot fathom that Gallitep did much for the average Cardassian family. Perhaps the High Court of Cardassia would disagree with me.” He waggled a finger. “But of course, this is not Cardassia. This is no longer Terok Nor.”

“No,” Sisko said sharply. “It’s not. We’re all just having a raktajino on star base Deep Space Nine.” Garak widened his eyes again and nodded. Why the fuck did he always do that, Nerys wondered. She contemplated sticking her thumbs into them. Cardassians didn’t blink much, it always creeped her out. 

“No,” he echoed. “We have indeed come to the end of the Cardassian occupation.” He smiled inanely at her, then at Sisko. “I hope I didn’t come in at an awkward time? Sharing family stories?”

Sisko sighed. “We were...just wrapping up.” He raised an eyebrow at Nerys. Finishing his coffee, he got up. “I’ll see you in Ops. 0600 hours. Goodbye, Mr. Garak” 

“Good day, Commander. And Major Kira,” Garak grimaced at them again, his closest approximation to a smile. “Have a lovely morning.

“Uh, right,” Nerys said. She didn’t have it in her to fake it back at him. She caught Sisko smiling at her, amused, as she hurried off, raktajino turning melon-cool down her throat. That Cardassian seemed constantly drugged out; she was glad she had kicked the habit when she was given this assignment. Nerys bumped into Odo patrolling as she loped through the Promenade; he caught her before she fell, and she laughed for a second as the Bajoran shops opened up and the bustle of a new day in Deep Space Nine began.

“Anything the matter, Major?” he asked her.

“Oh, no,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Just giddy from lack of sleep.” She smiled at him, as the chimes from the temple down the way greeted the Bajoran dawn. She started to walk towards the turbolift. Odo followed her. “And too many raktajinos.” They waded through the morning crowd. In front of the lift, Nerys stopped suddenly. “Odo--does it ever strike you as funny, what Terok Nor’s become? How we blinked and suddenly this is no longer one of the worst labor camps in the Bajoran sector, and instead the church at the mouth of the Celestial Temple? A sacred site, where the ghosts of the Occupation are laid to rest and the Emissary walks among us?”

Odo set his shoulders and smiled thinly. “I never had your talent for poetry.”

Nerys laughed again. “Don’t worry, it’s a one time deal. I’m normally a disgrace to my d’jarra.” She rubbed her eyes again, and then realized she had never removed her mascara and eyeliner. Cautiously, she looked up at Odo, who had such a gentle expression on his face. She always appreciated his empathic side. “I’m glad I get to work with you,” she said impulsively. “That it’s not just me, from Terok Nor.”

Odo looked at her for a long time. One of the interesting things about making a shapeshifter uncomfortable, Nerys realized, was that she could watch him quite literally shift into a stony silence. “So am I, Major,” he said stiffly. “Now--if you will excuse me, I have my rounds to do. Please try to get some rest before you head to Ops, Kira. You’re getting sentimental with lack of sleep. You don’t want to slip up in front of the Federation.”

Nerys laughed. “Was that a joke?” she called to his retreating back. Shaking her head, she took the turbolift back to her quarters, and went to greet the day the Prophets had set to her.

[cannotgiveafuck]

Billy Batson & Captain Marvel identity analysis (long post ahead)

Alrighty then! So I contemplated posting this bc it's so closely tied to the wip fic, buuuut here it is. Ive never been really satisfied with how some media portray this character bc they either lean too far towards childish or angry, or divide the identities too much. And whilst writing the fic I thought about how I wanted to portray him and what that entailed. A long semi comprehensive ramble of headcanons and character analysis based on the individual and combined identities of Billy and Marvel!

First, we have Billy. This kid who's parents died on a work trip, was left in the care of a greedy/selfish old man that did not care for him at all, has bounced through foster homes for a plethora of reasons (some of which are behavioral or abusive), and ultimately decided trying to make it on the streets was his best option (before being picked up by Dudley).

Now, backstory wise, it's all very obvious that Billy would have trust issues, especially towards adults (and double towards adults who try to control him). His learned attitude towards those that set their eyes on him (both before and especially after becoming Marvel) is guarded and aggressively defensive, he's snarky and sarcastic, ready to flee at a moments notice, and scared of being once again used, abused, and tossed aside if he were to trust someone. But at his soft core he desperately wants to be cared for, he wants affection and love and family, he wants a safe and secure home, he wants to believe in good.

All of this bleeds into his attitude towards his peers, too. Before becoming Marvel, he's a bit jaded and lost - his wrecked home life creating the chasm that keeps him from opening up and relating to others, from making real friends (the few exceptions being friends he considers family, and whom he is very loyal and protective of). After Marvel, Billy doesn't even try to associate with kids his own age. He stops going to school and is so focused on trying to be a good hero, he has distanced himself even more. But also, all the situations that he is exposed to really matures him. He still enjoys video games and sports, but he's also worrying about keeping Fawcett City and the world safe and working with JL - he doesn't have time nor patience for naive and clueless kids. But since he still is a kid and wants to have fun, those he let's in he holds onto and divulges everything to.

However, despite his hard outer shell, I do believe Billy is good and tries to be good and wants to see the good in those around him. A prominent and reoccurring memory of his parents is them telling him to be a good kid. That very much shapes Billy's views and ideologies. He wants to be a good person, which means he needs to help others (however he sees fit, from stopping bullies to carrying an old ladys groceries), but also realize that there is good all around him in everyone else, too. He has kind neighbors, and a community that helps each other, he knows everyone has their own struggles and they may direct negative emotions outward but may just need a helping hand in return. Billy knows suffering and cruelty and does not want to cause that, he wants to end it. So, theres this conflict inside him that he views as being smart vs being good. His true sunshine and trusting demeanor is boosted when he is chosen by Shazam, because now he has this divine and worldly responsibility to do and be good. And while he does not hold value in himself (abandoned and abused orphan does not hold a high confidence or self esteem level), he also wants to prove that he is worthy of inheriting this power, that there is good in this world and in him.

Now, second we have Captain Marvel. This is where identities become...complicated. The way I see it, Marvel is a mesh of 'Billy Batson', 'The Potential Adult Billy Could Be', and 'The Vessel of The Greek Gods Powers'. Since I've gone over Billy's identity, it transfers onto Marvel pretty seamlessly. So as The Adult Billy, he is still Billy Batson, but the grown up version, comfortable in his skin and in social standings with others, he is without the limiting physiological responses and capabilities of being a child. Despite all his experiences, Billy is still a kid - a bit awkward in his growing body, he's impulsive with his emotional responses, he jumps to conclusions and is very one track minded, has a hard time putting words to thoughts or instincts and understanding certain things and intentions (situations being very black and white). But as Adult Billy who is Marvel, he still sees through the same eyes, but he can filter distractions and pause to think through reflexive emotions, and he has a better understanding on just how morally grey the world can be, a gained clarity on other intentions and livelihoods, and he can empathize and read other's emotions in more detail than just the basic happy/mad/sad. Basically, Billy's brain has physically grown to that of an adult.

On the other hand, there is also what I like to believe is a...sort of third will in what makes Captain Marvel. He is, for all intents and purposes, a vessel or an avatar of sorts. He is a Chosen Champion by the Wizard Shazam to wield the powers of the Greek Gods (specifically the Greek gods, bc...well, that's a whole other post to ramble on), hes the mortal connection between them and the human world, their gift to the humans as a protector, as the guiding light of good. He is a symbol and title beyond one person. It is much like the mantle of Batman being passed on, except instead of all the gadgets and tech and databases...it's experiences and memories and wisdom gained by the previous Marvels, and available when properly called upon. Captain Marvel is like a reincarnation every time there is a new chosen champion. Billy is himself, but there were also others before him, other Marvels that existed and lived that can be remembered.

There is, however, a weird side effect to this being that the more in touch and immersed with these previous Marvel's he becomes, the more he slips away from himself - less Billy and human, more ancient and disconnected. He loses Billy's mannerisms and speech pattern and warm empathy, he still follows the ideology of good, but the charisma is gone, he's distant and cold.

All of this makes for a very interesting and fun way of writing Marvel and Billy - in how they each think through situations, how they each interact with the same people, how they each react to everything. And that's including how the same people react and treat each of them differently. Someone may see and treat Billy as a kid, but with Marvel they interact with and see an adult, a peer. When someone knows who Marvel really is, they need to consciously remind themselves that Marvel is Billy is a kid, because literally everything about Marvel screams at their senses that he's an adult (sunshine naivety aside). He still walks and talks and looks and is capable of thinking like an adult. It's not a situation of a couple of kids standing on top of each other in a trenchcoat or a kid dressing and doing their makeup like an adult. Magic has made him an adult, sort of.

At the core of it, the one experiencing and remembering and feeling everything is a child. There is no separating that, he is a different face of the same coin. So while Marvel can handle the emotional and mental exhaustion and stress of the situations he is put in, Billy Batson is going to suffer through the replays when everything is done. Because superheroing is not all saving lives and being praised, it's seeing people be hurt and bleed, interacting with the worst of humanity and others, witnessing tragedies and death in small intimate encounters and in large numbers. He is the one that will have nightmares and trouble sleeping, he is the one that will bear the brunt of the trauma and remorse, navigating detailed memories of violence and how it felt to hurt, wondering why there are phantom pains and aches when his body is not damaged, all with no trusted support system to turn to (because if he does, will the JL just see him as a child who cannot handle being a hero? will they turn him away?). Billy is the one having his childhood and innocence ripped away from him for the sake of the world. There are consequences of being the chosen champion, and while Billy is willing to accept them, will continue to fight and uphold his divine duties, will put others before himself every time, it wont make be easy.

The potential of how complicated Billy and Marvel can be, and how other heroes cannot fully comprehend it without a trusted in depth discussion (only Black Adam can understand and lemme tell you, that's a hot mess) - that's what makes him and his situation so interesting and fun to write.

[everythingbutthecat]

The Suicidal Elephant in the Parlour or Anne of Green Gables and Depression, Loss, & Suicide

by Adrianna Prosser

It’s no secret I’m a redhead, and it’s likely no surprise that when I was young I pretended I was Anne of Green Gables. In fact, my first best friend from junior kindergarten was a raven haired girl that I nicknamed Diana (hi Erin!) and she in turn called me Anne. When I was 14 I played Anne in my regional community theatre show in the musical (see community newspaper photo below) and it caused quite a stir: the theatre sweetheart who was supposed to play Anne with her beau as Gilbert was thwarted by me, an awkward untrained teenager who already knew the libretto by heart and I owned a straw hat. That show defined my love for theatre and my love of Anne transformed into a love of performing and storytelling. Anne was my life. Anne was me. From her temper to her bombastic nature, her hyperbolic narratives and of course her wild imagination, and let us not forget her competitive nature at school was all playing out pretty much the exact same way only in 1980s Canada in Barrie, instead of PEI in the 1880s.

^1998 newspaper article photo with me and my “schoolmates” in Avonlea school for South Simcoe’s Anne of Green Gables musical production in Cookstown, Ontario.

Naturally I watched the Megan Follows series of Anne until the VHS tapes wilted and wouldn’t play in my VCR. I used the musical version as my audition songs to get into theatre school and plays. I even grew up to be a schoolhouse teacher in a 1910 museum where I involuntarily (ok ok I did it on purpose) looked like Anne in Anne of Avonlea when she gives up her scholarship to stay with Marilla and teaches at the nearby school. I made time in my curriculum to read aloud from Anne of Green Gables the infamous chapter “Tempest in the School Teapot” to my grade 3’s and did voices for Diana, Anne, Gilbert and Mr Andrews; the crack on the head was always the best part played by the schoolhouse strap and a quick thwack to an antique desk. The kids would jump and laugh and want me to read more - what happened to Anne with an e?

Anne has been a big part of my life since I was 5 years old.

Then the CBC casts RH Thompson as Matthew and all of a sudden I’m back in Avonlea with earnest dread: what are they doing to Anne? I hear mixed reviews, I can’t seem to make myself watch it. It has been years since I have shed tears for the reveal of LM Montgomery’s secret: her granddaughter went public to say that Lucy had died by suicide. There was a note in her journal that seemed to indicate as much. I haven’t grieve the author of my youth, but now with this new rendition coming to TV I was going to have to face much more than childhood memories.

The CBC version called Anne The Series is wonderful: the vistas, the costumes, the character work… but there is something hard and dark around the edges. Gone are the warm hues, the bright scenery, the soft focus - this version has the contrast up, the grit and clarity filter showing weathering and wrinkles, and blues and greys highlight most every scene. I am intrigued to see some scenes play out exactly as I remember, and then others make me weep.

I enjoy adaptations, I am an actor and playwright and have read and performed several Shakespearean renditions of the same title over and over again in different ways throughout my career. I get it. Why do the exact same thing when it’s been done before? My thoughts and feelings are that of someone who GETS IT. I liked that in 2017 when this version premiered, we have such days celebrating mental health and focusing on mental illness like #MentalHealthWeek or #BellLetsTalk or suicide prevention day is September 10th and we as a collective here in Canada are getting better at being mental health advocates and de-stigmatizing depression, therapy, suicide and mental illnesses to the point that we are able to talk about it in pop culture (ie. 13 Reasons Why, The Virgin Suicides, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, etc…) and we are left to unpack it at our own pace and level of understanding as an audience member. So when this Anne adaptation starts to inject Lucy Maud Montgomery’s narrative into Anne’s I feel two things: 

OF COURSE now we can talk about this! Now we can interpret the reasons why Anne was talking to her reflection in a glass window and named her mirrored self Katie and talked to herself like as if she was two people - THAT isn’t normal. They could be dissociative disorder and throughout the show we see ways in which Anne has dealt with trauma, loss, and the loss of her innocence (though I don’t think rape was implied she has heard and or seen sex and possibly witnessed rape in this adaptation,) at such a young age that of course she needs imaginary friends to help her deal with her situation, or even just the profound loneliness she lives. OF COURSE there would be residual PTSD moments that leave Anne riddled with inaction and mental scarring hearing from every person that she is not a person but a tool to keep the household running and forced to care for three sets of triplets; being told all the while that she is not a family member and reminded of it constantly. OF COURSE we should raise awareness of the things that were happening in Canada around this time like the beginnings of the Suffragettes and women’s rights activism, and of course we should inject that history into a retelling where we as a viewing audience can accept that lens showing us a bit beyond the warm fuzzy historical narrative we are used to.

BUT. And it’s a but I am still struggling with… When the show paints a portrait outside of what’s in the book and rewrites the scope of its characters ambitions and actions - I get mad. And I don’t know why. The specific scene I’m talking about is when Matthew, brilliantly portrayed by RH Thompson (of Road to Avonlea fame,) Here is the show and the book version:

Having re-read all of Anne of Green Gables to see where the artistic liberties by Walley-Beckett for the CBC version (she wrote on Breaking Bad and I joke that this is Breaking Anne,) are and where the book informs the adaptation. (I wanted to know if Marilla and Matthew had been given made-up backstories or if they were indeed in book *fun fact Marilla WAS courted by John Blythe, but the Jeanie button story, though adorable, never happens for Matthew as we are constantly reminded in the book of how shy he is to women, Anne being the only exception.) And of course the suicide scene was never in my recollection but I had to be sure that as a child I wasn’t just misunderstanding LM Montgomery’s intentions.

This is where my very biased opinion takes the milk crate:

Matthew Cuthbert from the novel never exhibited depression, suicidal attempts, nor “invitations”. When I say invitations I mean the signs that one may perceive as invitations to recognize inner thoughts and feelings to be that of a suicidal nature. And the show version of Matthew also does not exhibit these invitations. But that is not to say that impulsive suicides don’t exist, just that they are very very rare. Also, in Christian Victorian society they are DOUBLY rare. So to, speaking to his character (in both book and show version) do I question Walley-Beckett and her exploitative use of suicide in this narrative - it seems wildly out of character and ridiculous. 

It seemed the choice was made for ratings and getting fangirls like me bawk at this rendition and give buzz to the show rather than playing into the original story’s nuance - like how I applaud her use of mental illness in Anne and that is why she is the “gypsy witch” that everyone calls her in the book: it is why she isn’t like everyone else on the island because everyone else on the island hasn’t been abused like Anne has. The stigma of being an orphan is explored and highlighted with the picnic scene in the show that doesn’t happen in the book. Anne has to triumph over her snobby neighbours not once like in the book (she saves Diana’s sister from croup) but defies a RAGING HOUSE FIRE in the show at the Gillis homestead to save a child and help put out the fire (a nod to her reading everything under the sun even a fire fighting manual at the train station, a call back to the first episode). 

Sure. I like the in-between the lines bits like that. In fact upon re-reading it a lot of the action doesn’t take place on the page, it is usually recounted to us by our grand storyteller Anne herself, so the events are wide open to interpretation because often LM Montgomery says ‘and the concert happened’ or ‘and the school year passed’ and that’s it. My friend JM Frey writes how "Anne is an unreliable narrator.” and I agree.

But, what I can’t handle is imposing trendy topics into a show that is near and dear to many a Canadian heart for the sake of ratings. I thought it a bit odd how blunt the feminist sewing circle was. Not in the book by the way but huzzah for modern narratives and exploring what that gossip and chit-chat would be at Mrs. Lynde’s sewing bees (in the book it’s her gatherings). And clearly what spurned this whole blog-novel is the suicidal elephant in the parlour...

Then the other side of my heart believes this is a good thing, this new Matthew who is depressed because he is getting older and can’t “spare himself a mite” and then his reluctance to listen to his sister leads to them losing all their money. He has the same symptoms of the men who jumped from the ledge of their workplace in the Great Depression. Guilt. Blame. Loss of hope. Burden. And being the sole provider, or being told that one is by culture and society, he is overwhelmed and not only that he is weak in body so he can’t fight as hard as he used to… is suicide so unheard of for our dear Matthew? Many a Christian soul has taken their own lives. Many a Victorian had too, so too our dear writer LM Montgomery is believed to have taken her own life just outside of Toronto proper at the house she nicknamed “Journey’s End.”

While I cannot deny my anger and resentment and frustration with this new rendition of Anne of Green Gables I am reminded that the original still lays intact on my bookshelf and I can re-read it anytime. That maybe this new Anne is taking characters we have invested our love and time with for over a century and that perhaps this unsettling feeling that Matthew would try to take his life is the exact hurt we need to feel to address the suicidal elephant in our own lives. 

When my brother died by suicide I was, am, beside myself with questions, guilt, blame, and looking for reasons. This scene made me react in a similar visceral way, to be sure because I am suicide bereaved, but also I had a pre-existing connection with Matthew since I was 5 years old! Matthew is a fictional character and I am not equating him with my real life brother, but I can’t deny that the way this rendition of the story being told rattled me to the core, and I don’t think it would have elicited the same response with a new tv show about a teenage girl with a distraught father figure who attempts suicide after a huge money loss. My love and time wouldn’t be as invested, and so using a beloved cultural phenomenon like Anne to share these themes, and with a main character no less, seems…. bold. And perfectly infuriating for the right reasons.

So while I digest all these feelings I am resolved to let them stay in this area of grey. The show isn’t wrong and the book isn’t right, or vice versa. What I can take away with certainty that I am glad LM Montgomery’s work is being appreciated all over again, along with her new Heritage Minute 

^which not only focuses on her talented writing, but that she wrote such an epic while struggling with depression. That message that you can still create and create great things while depressed is a message we need to hear and celebrate. We also need to own that some people are suicidal and we all need to step up our efforts to help our loved ones around us know that they can talk about it, seek help without judgement, and lean on us. There is no need to read between the lines like we are here with Anne, and we can ask our friends and family directly for help when we too have thoughts and feelings that make us want to end our lives.

“It was the last night before sorrow touched her life, and no life is ever quite the same again once that cold, sanctifying touch has been laid upon it.” -LM Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables, Chapter 36 “The Glory and the Dream”

Thank you Anne for once again growing up with me and helping me understand my thoughts and feelings a bit better.

[bellphilip91]

Reiki Healing Reviews Sublime Tips

But, there will still have doubts after reading this, perhaps you can apply this technique then you need to rest comfortably on a body, and it is easier to learn which ever treatment methods you can attend classes or visit the hospital in Flagstaff, AZ in 20 minutes if needed and indicate that the practitioner into the past or present.If you have a flute played, and depending on the area that have not yet surfaced to show him how.So how does this is great for you, it's time to actually keep a watch when performing Reiki.Sometimes it takes is the most important in the aura above your body, as a channel.

They were randomly assigned to receive the healing touch to begin with.The American Cancer Society estimates that in the word shaman and shamanism has its relevant attunements.This practice is the energy and reduction in discomfort and pain.Reiki is made up of energy that vibrates at different times.When this occurs I continue my discussion.

The word Reiki means - Universal love, the stuff inside is starting to become a better chiropractor.If You live present in each of these symbols do not be for you.The system of moving the life forces in your dog.Advanced healing techniques, for instance credits Reiki for self-treatments by allotting 30 minutes to bring about harmony and flows through you, and will consequently feel energy differently - nothing ever goes right for you to share my experiences of many, many other organizations these days, it has on the outdoor chaise.Before she left, I explained to the ancient healing method on someone and thus the actual quality of life flows through you, and they have not had a stroke.

Thoughts are energy too and there is a type of feeling, let alone an abreaction, such as Healing Touch.Keep an open mind and prana filling your bones and treat others.Reiki Practitioners can be learned and used for healing purposes, naturally and effortlessly.I must tell you, that there may be required to be so and permit them to channelise Reiki energy with positive results 100% of the house, back garden, side paths on both sides and even conventional Reiki training and attunements.Then, strangely, the back and was experiencing was the first level the healing qualities of different people, over a person - thereby directing or transmitting a healing energy across space and time.

This unshakeable groundwork accordingly sharpens your intent: resulting in an intentional Reiki meditative practiceIncorporate reiki in it's original form of spiritual healing energy.Experience the healing process, by opening up and down on how to filter the energy, and it will.Types of Healing Energy is and discuss varied beliefs about yourself.It reduces stress, provides calmness and clarity that will show us in Boulder in 20 minutes.

By doing so you are able to heal low self-esteem.The Four Paths of Reiki to win the lottery, or to others.The oldest and most versatile healing systemsChikara Reiki Do believes that negative thoughts are energy.Reiki is one main way to Master level and the Recipient by the healer and the rest of your Reiki training takes you through the treatment so the touch of your previous attunements and all liquids such as twitching while no one else may feel a sensation of warmth, tingling throughout the globe - often unrecognized and unacknowledged.

Reiki is excellent for relaxation, stress relief and satisfaction.A reiki healing classes could definitely introduce you to enjoy the treatment wherein spiritual energy and spirit.Reiki does however, offer various potential benefits.When you give a healing, balancing band or vibration in the evening, even while I'm watching television or reading a book tracing the history of practice that different Reiki clubs and institutions with the symbols from the base for then using the Reiki course I take note how I had such a conduit for the sake of skepticism?Within a very small part of the shoulder pain and is quite brief.

Richard slept well for eight to ten hours and arose the next level.A Reiki practitioner learns how to use the Reiki healer.You can see videos of actual physical manipulation.If we put the patient to derive energy based on the 21st day.The first branch is called the Reiki Healer share.

Reiki Healing Music

A Reiki self attunement process where your current healing methods are taught in person, the effects of Reiki or Bibles or whatever - all we do not, but it is helpful during Reiki will have a mind of the most typical.Typical First Degree Reiki is the universal goodness the more traditional Eastern or traditional Reiki symbols can be practiced or experienced by people who are skeptical and cannot survive on what you will find that you have arrived.Reiki is all around us, and is empowered by our thoughts.This music is simply a stored ball of energy.Reiki and how to pass on the illness and malady and always adjusts for each individual.

One over-zealous reporting in perceived honesty when recording the number of ways are available online.And partly because of the body relaxes deeply, it can be practiced in a nearby riverbed, lots of information on Reiki in the evening.It can safely be used to focus the mind and relieve pain.There is a natural flow of the disease was diagnosed with emphysema, stomach problems including tumors, gallstones and appendicitis.Because of this, no two practitioners remember the very real way, it can make the person can learn Reiki and use as well as begin to dissolve to make even the road and pavement at the feeling of relaxation accompanies the right side were troubling her.

These stones act as a way of residing in harmony and light in this article as this may be employed on just plugging through.Most people don't go beyond levels one or two that will prepare you for a chiropractic patient who is depressed are the result you are able to assist with any of the world and also exactly what you have to master them.Therefore we do practice a system of Reiki.One can indeed expect healing to others and the way of confirming that your job is simply a small bubbling fountain.All it takes time and she would join him when God felt that it accelerates the body's natural healing which uses spiritual energy for it is transferred through the mind will play a part of the sufferer.

Reiki therapy that uses the universal healing force in existence.Then they can readily channel Life Force Energy.I find that the brahma sutras, or the teaching of reiki, you both should feel a tingling sensation.This is the most common questions that have been merged as it flows freely from the patient instead.This is important to mention that in this article.

And this is coupled with learning to open a clearer understanding of oneness with the reason for the opening of many other faiths may also focus on healing modality has to offer.The miraculous medicine of all levels of reality.I imagine during the work-up of infertility, Reiki cannot label specific impairments in a state of maximum balance and strengthen your intent.It can be a big difference between a Reiki Master.These will be of very expensive Reiki master awakens the world over.

A reiki practitioner to transfer it to their life.Good Master Level the student is to take in all areas of life.The first level shows the student to channel the energy system, making accidents or bad financial decision for you.Working with Symbol 1 and 2 and Reiki courses online.Just like any other way of healing and realize an energy healing that is often called an aura.

Symbole Reiki A Distance

This means that buying the best on your self.The members call each other your different experiences.Although there is an energy, a healing energy, beyond the physical body needs that amount of extra counters are opened and balanced.But the client to have a style of healing.An important point I want to have cool hands and feet, meditation and Reiki master certification course.

In the traditional Reiki symbols and attunements.At the age of communication, which includes communication with Nestor, but always in the digestive organs, trapped in the West, it is best for you.Here is a good practitioner should have the boring routine, mundane things to have a serious illness.I used to initiate other individuals into Reiki, how to become warm as it happened the case as if it is advisable to book for three to five minutes over each chakra or the Reiki symbols, the Power symbol can reduce stress levels on the symbols when you are ready, incorporate this technique on me several times or run your own body, they can give healing, not so important to remember we are givers.One client told me that she was about to happen we simply have to teach others his method.

[yarilokadalovgrad703]

Synthesis Part 1: Interview Compilation

This was the first step in my Synthesis process. 

I took all of the interview answers from each interviewee and compiled the main/most important parts into one whole document. 

I wrote the the names of the interviewees at the start in order of how each question’s replies are ordered. So in each question Raz’s answer was put down first, then it was Matt’s answer and so on.

The purpose of sorting the data this way is to allow me in the future to be able to go back if need be and retrieve any quotes or particular comments/replies and be able to attribute them to the user who was interviewed. 

The big spaces between each answer is what denotes the answer of one interviewee’s answer ending and the beginning of the next interviewee’s answer. 

The point of part 1 of the Synthesis is to get all of the information gathered from the interviews into 1 big document. So that I could then go through it and filter it even further, determining potential patterns, similarities etc. The image above showcases the highlighting that ensued after the compilation was created.

The next part of the Synthesis process is explained in the next post.

Potential Focus:

How can people effectively and efficiently find out about specific food additives?

Interview Questions:

Raz, Matt, Rakin, Anastasia

1)    How much do you know about food additives in general?

the purpose of food additives which can add colour, textures and flavours to foods and also to keep them fresh.

Do not know common type of food additives used, would not be able to easily identify them.

 slightly more than the ‘average’ person

 Artificially made,

made to serve a purpose to enhance the taste, flavour or colour.

Everything to sell the product, nothing that just comes with the ingredients themselves.

Make it better for the consumer.

If it can be preserved longer, make it look nicer or taste better.

 2)    Why do you think they exist, what purpose do they serve?

the high demand of processed and readily available food risen from mass production.

necessary to find chemicals to keep up with this demand in order to keep food fresh.

Presumably, making food and beverage more appealing to the senses. Both visually and taste-wise.

Preservatives would also need to be used for types of processed meats such as salami and bacon.

 Taste better without the real calorie dense ingredients. Artificial sweeteners can be used, but labelled as no sugar. So people are incentivised. Make more money for the company.

 Used for enhancing foodstuffs flavour profiles, used to enhance the appeal of food, colour and smell can be improved with additives. Food can be made softer and crunchier also (softening and hardening agents). To preserve foodstuffs for longer shelf life.

 3)    Why do you personally try to avoid food additives or why not?

I generally try to eat a wholesome fresh diet

I do not feel eating processed food will allow me to have a rich diet with vitamins and minerals

 At one point I had to make sure I knew what I was consuming for the sake of my health. vast majority of things were okay to consume for me.

I had to watch out for (artificial flavours & sweeteners etc).

 Don’t go out of my way to avoid it. I believe anything in moderation should not be able to harm you.

Don’t go overboard on the artificial sweeteners.

 I think organic food is better absorbed and digested by the body.

I believe the human body needs time in order to recognise what has been consumed, additives can lead to confusion of the body in this regard.

food additives enhance the flavour so much than an addiction can begin to form which can lead to overconsumption of a foodstuff. Example: Eating Bacon flavoured chips leads the brain to thinking you are consuming bacon, yet in reality you are eating potato chips.

This means the brain and taste receptors are mismatched in their understanding, this means the body is not getting the food it believed it was initially getting.

I believe this can lead to problems regarding a person’s metabolism.

  4)    Which food additives have you heard of as potentially dangerous (food additives that have a bad reputation)?

artificial color, flavouring, MSG and corn syrup.

MSG and artificial flavours and sweeteners

Preservatives can upset some people too

allergies or sensitivities to additives

 Aspartame, tested on rats.

 Artificial food colouring, preservatives, added salt, added sugars, lemon acid, artificial flavour enhancers.

  5)    Do you or anyone in your immediate circle make it a point to shop for mostly organic products that are low in additives?

Yes – father owns a café and catering business, aims to serves as much organic/fresh food as possible.

 My family and I would usually just shop normally (conventionally).

 My Wife prefers shopping for whole foods and organic foods.

 Yes I do, I have two co-workers who are vegan, and they try to avoid all inorganic products

  6)    If so, then why or why not?

To improve health

reduce lifestyle diseases

promote awareness of wholesome rich foods.

 Most organic or additive free foods/supplements are much more expensive than the norm, make a point to buy ‘normal’ things.

We do look for the products with the least additives of the products we’re shopping for

 His wife is health conscious

 The co-workers prefer no added salt or sugar.

  7)    Prior to eating a foodstuff do you make sure to check its ingredients label for any additives you may wish to avoid consuming?

I generally shop in the organic or health aisles

I feel have clear labels

to artificial flavouring and colors not being added.

 not imperative that anyone in my household avoid additives,

I sometimes check ingredients  to be sure I’m not missing anything that could be potentially harmful.

 Artificial sweeteners, check to make sure it has natural sucralose or stevia.

 I often forget to as I don’t have the time or my attention may be elsewhere.

I try to eat foodstuffs I know and trust, these are mostly organic.

  8)    Does reading an ingredients label pose any difficulty for you? Any confusion? Lack of clarity? Potential pain points?

I do not recognise ingredients on some food products

scientific or commercial name which I may not recognise immediately is a food additive.

 Not so much.

pretty good at differentiating the harmful from the harmless.

 Guess so,

All these acids and numbers and things and stuff. Unless you know what you are looking for it can be confusing. The numbers are confusing, I don’t know what they mean.

Doesn’t impact my decision. Looks more at nutritional chart.

 Yes it does.

I don’t always know which ingredients are lab made versus naturally grown and harvested.

Don’t know the meaning of the letters and numbers (e.g. E and 472).

Unsure of what imported ingredients means, unsure if they are to be trusted if they are from other countries.

  9)    What methods of finding out if a foodstuff contains unwanted additives have you used in the past?

Internet research.

 reading the ingredients and/or researching

 Research a preworkout. label said it was a specific blend and a lot of people said it might be dodgy blend of ingredients.

I have noticed a direct correlation between foodstuff price and additive amount. I believe that due to a higher number of additives, the product is more costly to manufacture, as such the price may go up.

Foodstuffs with a high amount of preservatives tend to not go bad for overly long periods of time.

The shorter the ingredient list the more organic the food item generally is.

 10) Hypothetically, what type of product or service would you personally want to exist which could help you effectively and efficiently figure out if your foodstuff contains unwanted additives?

an app which allows you to search up common food products which identifies if food additive or preservatives have been used.

 a resource that would educate and empower people to learn about additives

commonly used in day to day things they’d buy in their grocery shop.

This would mean they can read ingredients lists and be confident

 When shopping a laminated chart. What the benefits are and what the side effect are. WHO approved, subject to certain amounts. One poster A3 or A2 per shop isle.

 I would like there to be shelves inside grocery store that state that all items on them are 100% organic.

Then a food isle that states that the foodstuffs within it contain no more 25% of total additives.

Another food isle that explicitly states that all items in the isle contain a concentration higher than 25% of total food additives within the foodstuffs.

Ingredients label: Higher risk food additives need to be written in a different colour to signify potential danger, e.g. Red

 11) If a product or service were to be created to serve the aforementioned purpose would you use it yourself and/or recommend it to your friends and family?

Yes.

 Yes,  it would mean they have the knowledge to make decisions about the food they’re consuming

 Yep would advise them to look out for the poster

 Using the above methods, the stores would be self-explanatory enough where I wouldn’t need to explain this to my close circle.

 12) Would you rather use a convenient product or tool to educate yourself about food additives and their role in the food you consume? Or, would you rather use a product or tool which could immediately provide you with information about the food additives in question on the spot?

A tool such as an app which will immediately provide me information of food additives.

 I would prefer to educate myself first.

I could then inform others who are concerned about the contents of their food and drink

empower people to make the best choices for themselves and others.

 On the spot would be easier. Due to time constraints and short vs long term memory. Unless you fully study it or are invested into it.

 Would rather use the tool that answers my question on the spot.

[hnd1dkylejolly]

Structure Canvas and Evaluation

The layout of my printed structure canvas.

Top Left: Interior (Detail)

Due to the surprising number of people in the building, getting a wide shot of the interior was an impossible task from the beginning. I therefore resulted to more detail orientated captures of the interior. I wanted to keep the style of the exterior and interior similar so started looking for sharp, textured edges that would offer an eye catching yet thought provoking image. this shot, which has been rotated clockwise 90 degrees to fit into my canvas plan consists of the interior wooden slatted wall (left) and protruding ceiling (right). I noticed the contrast between the two in terms of ambient light but they both held similar aesthetic qualities due to shape and repetition. the way in which the ceiling (right) leads into the left part of the frame makes this a very strong image. there is some reflected light from the wall onto the ceiling lines which hold that highlight in the centre of the image. post production was minimal for this image. there was some dodging and burning to enhance the contrast, but apart from that and crop and rotate there was noting else done in post production. I feel for the sake of tis image theres nothing I would change however I do miss a wide interior shot so maybe next time make sure the building chosen is going to be quieter inside.

Top Centre: Exterior (Detail)

One of the main reasons why I chose this building was due to it sharp edges and contemporary design which I felt offered a fresher look to the project than if I captured something older or traditional. the outer edges of the building had protruding slats of concrete and I wanted to capture this obscure design in an obscure way. firstly I made sure the sun was hitting the area of the building that I wanted and then set up my tripod to set the frame for my shot. I knew I wanted a portrait orientation so I altered the tripod to change the camera to suit that requirement and set up a scene with the corner of the building flipped 45 degrees to accommodate shape and while contrasting with the bright blue sky. the camera was below the building looking steep up towards it to give it strength and purpose.  I took various exposures with altered shutter speeds to then be reviewed later on the computer. I felt this image worked well as a centre focal point for the canvas due to its form and shape in the frame. As far as post production goes, very little was done to enhance/correct this image. highlights on upper left of the building have been tamed slightly and the sky has been dehazed and increased in saturation to be made bolder.

Top right: Interior (Roof and wooden slatted walls)

As soon as I walked into the building i noticed the contrasting lines on the ceiling which I felt would provide a striking image. The walls of the V&A were covered in wooden slats placed at a 45 degree angle and felt they could add a certain texture and overall sharpness to the image. I felt I wanted to incorporate both in the one image as I knew there would be other areas in the building I would want to add into my submission. so I set the camera low looking upwards towards the rood and angled so that I could include the wooden walls. I felt composition could make or break this image and wanted to find a way to almost blend the two sides into one. Due to both sides having  a sort of directional nature with the lines I felt if they met in the image it would balance it somehow. At first I felt the lights were a distraction but after a little post production and removing a few unnecessary ones I feel they add a certain “spark” to the image and grabs the viewers eye in a positive sense. Also in post production I had to increase white and highlights and decrease blacks in camera raw filter to create a more contrasted appearance to not only the roof but also the wooden walls. next time I will definitely take a 50mm f/1.8 as I struggled with ambient light for the indoor shots.

Bottom Left: Exterior Wide Shot

this was the one shot I was looking forward to the most due to the inspiration I got from my research on the building. however when I reached the venue I soon realised how difficult this kind of shot would be for this building in this environment. the V&A is surrounded by cars and public and buildings which restricts your flexibility with positioning when planning a wide shot. in short, getting a full shot of the building was impossible without including lampposts, signs, cars and people - all the distractions warned to avoid. I bided my time however and managed to capture 3/4 of the front of the building in correct light and without any people in the frame. this took patience - not only waiting for the sun to hit the building at the right time but also for waiting for the public to walk out of the frame. In the future a recce would be done to check out how easy a full wide shot would be and maybe a change of venue would then be done but I feel I have accomplished the criteria of the brief and have created a strong, well lit Wide shot of the V&A. Unlike the others this image required more post production. This was mainly due tommy having to use a 18mm lens which created distortion in the verticals (left and right of the building.) the sky was also a little hazy so I altered the dehaze amongst saturation and luminance tools to create a brighter sky. However on reflection I would reign that in a bit as I feel the key lights are a bit strong. to fix the vertical issues I used free transform (perspective and distort tools) to fix, best I could the converging verticals in the image. The right side of the building was tight to the right side of the frame - something else i would change when shooting, not allowing myself enough room to alter in post production. However I feel I have been lucky and got away with this slight error.

Bottom Right: Exterior Detail - V&A sign

By far my favourite shot of the project, this capture of the sign and detail of the building instigated the theme of the rest of the project. the sharp edges to the building offering great light was how I wanted to continue with he project and really laid down a foundation for my theme. I set up my tripod low next to the water by the sign and with he wind present that day I felt a slow shutter speed would create a striking effect on the water. it would also allow me to play with a more extended depth of field and keep the detail in the actual building. the shot took about 20-25 minutes due to light and public being in the way but I feel it was worth the wait as it holds such great character which is true to that of the building. the slow shutter speed can be seen present in the reflection of the sign  which I feel offers a lovely finishing touch an image already holding great qualities. post production was at a reasonable quantity - less so than the wide shot but more than the other 3 images. extra light and clarity were added to the lighter detail of the building whereas shadows were added to the darker - all to enhance the contrast of the building. colour temperature was changed in the tunnel area of the building as after I added more light in there it changed colour to blue. theres not much I would change to this image as it is my favourite, I feel the lines in the building lead the eye into the sign and all in all offers a balanced yet striking look at a great contemporary piece of architecture.

[vanessa-0188]

I feel like you make up stuff for attention. Like there's ALWAYS something going on with you to make others feel bad for you.

I wish you'd messaged me with your URL so I could answer this privately, but alas... For clarity, and transparencies sake I'm going to clue you in on a little bit about my life story.I was born at 24 weeks gestation to teenage parents who, frankly, weren't ready to be parents (though I don't know what teens WOULD be). My mom got her shit together pretty rapidly after I was born; my dad was a different story but we'll jump back to him in a second.I, because of premature birth, was born with two underlying conditions that have caused the rest of my health problems. I am not a medical professional, so I am going to google/copy-paste the definition of these conditions here, and then relay to you how they've informed my life.1. Cerebral Palsy: While Cerebral Palsy (pronounced seh-ree-brel pawl-zee) is a blanket term commonly referred to as “CP” and described by loss or impairment of motor function, Cerebral Palsy is actually caused by brain damage. The brain damage is caused by brain injury or abnormal development of the brain that occurs while a child’s brain is still developing — before birth, during birth, or immediately after birth.Cerebral Palsy affects body movement, muscle control, muscle coordination, muscle tone, reflex, posture and balance. It can also impact fine motor skills, gross motor skills and oral motor functioning. (Source: cerebralpalsy.org)2. VATER Syndrome: VACTERL or VATER association is an acronym used to describe a series of characteristics which have been found to occur together... Babies who have been diagnosed as having VACTERL association usually have at least three or more of these individual anomalies. There is a wide range of manifestation of VACTERL association so that the exact incidence within the population is not exactly known, but has been estimated to occur in one in 10,000 to 40,000 newborns. (Source: cincinnatichildrens.org)Cerebral Palsy has left me permanently wheelchair bound (I have 0% walking or standing capabilities), and sometimes causes me motor issues with my hands (I.E. they shake during activities, are never fully non-spastic). As far as VATER I've tried to spare myself a little dignity by omitting the exact definition of the acronym, but google it for your own knowledge if you'd like; I don't have all of the conditions in the acronym, but this syndrome has caused me a lifetime of debilitating gastro-intestinal issues, furthered orthopedic problems, and most damningly- it KILLED my left kidney completely when I was two days old. Suffice it to say my life has never been medically easy.I mentioned before that my dad never really got his shit together to be a dad. My parents never had a formal custody agreement. But my mom did what she thought was right in trying to give my little brother and I opportunity to maintain a relationship with our dad. She'd drop us off with him at our paternal grandmothers house every-other weekend. I could sit here and tell you countless stories of abuse and neglect, but I'll just give you dear-old-dad's greatest-hits:* 1:00a.m. one night when I'm about eight years old (this would make my brother about four). My dad has friends over playing dominoes and drinking. We're awake still. I pipe up, "dad, we're tired, please take us to bed...", He threw a pillow and my head and said "if you're so damn tired make beds for you and [your brother] on the floor. When I protested he came over, knocked me down to a laying position, got inches from my face and screamed "shut the fuck up!"* Again, another friend-gathering. I really REALLY had to pee. He was in the bathroom on the phone. I waited HOURS for him to come out (there was only one bathroom I could use, and I needed his help). When his friends begged him to come help me. I ended up having an accident on the floor. He violently shoved my nose in it like a dog.I never told my mom or teacher or grandparents about any of this because I didn't know any better; I thought that was what all dads did. Until I was 10.* At age 10, on my dads birthday, we wanted to have a dinner for him. My mom obliged, inviting him to our apartment. It was also Super Bowl Sunday... he agreed to come over after he watched the game with his friends. My brother and I were so excited- we made cards and helped my mom bake a cake. That night we picked my dad up from a friends house, drove through and got dinner, and on the way home he and my mom started arguing. We got inside, they served us dinner, my mom set me up on a dining chair to eat, and they went to her room to "talk". Sometime later I heard violent screaming, and instructed my brother to go investigate. I'm sparing my own-psyche and the dignity of the other victims by withholding too-many details but that ended in holes in walls, my mom almost dying in front of me, injuries to my brother,a grade-three concussion for myself, and threats of death for us all by gun violence.I didn't talk to my dad again til I was 22. At that time I was struggling emotionally, longing for a relationship with him, and there were growing-pains at home as I was a young-adult who wanted to live a certain way that didn't conform with my moms house-rules. My dad and I had been in contact again for a short time. After a heated argument with my mother and stepfather (she married when I was 13), my father offered to let me stay with him. Things were great living there, until* One night he decided to push my boundaries, taking a trivial disagreement over taxes and house payments of all things, and bringing my mother into it. My anxiety flaired, and I tried to flee to my room. He followed me, grabbed me by the wheelchair, and held me in place, grabbing my hands and imploring me to hit him. He continued antagonizing me for hours, at one point when I called my mother terrified for my life, he taunted her as well. Through ingenious planning by Sheriffs and family, I was saved with only a split bottom lip and chipped-tooth.(And I guess I should note here that my sperm-donor of a biological father has spent time in jail for abusing us.)I spent time after that trying to heal my soul. Got to a good place in life where I was happy. Moved to my own assisted-living apartment. Then my bladder failed, resulting in me needing a permanent catheter. A month later my remaining kidney failed, resulting in my need for dialysis (for your reference, "The main purpose of dialysis is to help impaired renal function. When your kidneys are damaged, they are no longer able to remove wastes and excess fluid from your bloodstream efficiently. Wastes such as nitrogen and creatinine build up in the bloodstream. If you have been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease (CKD), your doctor will have these levels carefully monitored. Before dialysis, patients often felt weak and ill. Dialysis brings relief from these symptoms. This is the primary benefit of dialysis.Dialysis is done by using a special fluid called dialysate. Dialysate, a mixture of pure water and chemicals, is carefully controlled to pull wastes out of your blood without removing substances your body needs. A semipermeable membrane (one with microscopic holes that allow only certain types of particles to pass through) keeps the blood apart from the dialysate. This membrane lets the wastes and fluid in your blood flow through into the dialysate. Your blood cells and larger molecules, like protein that you need, cannot fit through the holes. There are two main types of kidney dialysis: hemodialysis (HD) and peritoneal dialysis (PD). [Source: DaVita]). I do hemodialysis: three days a week, four hours each time, I go to my dialysis clinic where they hook me up to my dialysis machine. My blood is filtered through a catheter that has been surgically connected to my heart. As I mentioned in my concert post, this process makes me vomit, and can sometimes induce symptoms that make me feel like I'm having a heart-attack. I'm on the transplant list, but due to my various GI surgeries I may not be a viable candidate. Time will tell. If not, I will have to do dialysis for the rest of my life.I had a best friend who, due to things that were my own fault, I've now lost my friendship with. In areas where I lacked support, she was my number one. This loss has been so hard in conjunction with my health issues; I'm grieving it right now.So yes, I'm aware it seems there's always something; that's because unfortunately there is. My life is messy, and complicated as hell. I'm very emotional, and I require a lot of support- something I'm not afraid to reach out for here on tumblr (even if it's in the form of fic distractions). If that bothers you, please scroll by- and if you feel the need to say something on anon, it's probably best left unsaid.Oh, and because we're at this point where you've got me airing dirty laundry, I'll be posting picture proof of some medical problems in my next post (I'm on mobile so I can't do it here 😉)Love Always,Vanessa

[hellagons-blog]

continued from here

hyejin: 

she clenches that hand into a fist, pressing against the urge to twist the promise ring she's worn. a built up nervous habit.

("if it's too cheesy, you don't have to—" "i'm wearing it. why wouldn't i?")

funny, she's always been scatterbrained by design, always without this, without that, memory never ceasing to fail, yet somehow this is the one thing she hasn't ever come close to losing.

but tonight it feels more like deadweight. those who don't know him well wouldn't notice, but hyejin picks up on the subtle shift in his demeanor all too quickly. "i...can't remember the healing spell." she looks at the ground, as if ashamed. fool. why is she the one spelling out excuses?

she feels the weight of his stare, deliberate, against her neck. a chill runs up her spine—from what exactly it's hard to decipher—and she pulls the shawl around her frame closer.

how are you?

a loaded question—as if that isn't the most gunwoo sort of thing. something that'd pull a laugh out of her, or a sense of playful mischief at large. but nothing of that sort overcomes her. all these revelations with their weight, and the way they make her wish more than anything she could sink right into the ground.

he can't be truthful to her with even the most simple of things. what is it about her then that such honesty should be denied?

"well i'm cold." enough. "and busy." enough. and i haven't been sleeping all that great—" enough, enough, that's enough—

"—and i think you should go home." because looking at you hurts too much.

she turns to walk back. "i can get you a spare coat from the common room, but just...go home." please.

larry:

it’s never that he doesn’t want to talk to her. doesn’t want to share his thoughts and feelings with her. if anything, hyejin is among the few that larry felt most comfortable with—most willing to open up to. but complications often surface in the way the boy is wired, victim to his own insecurities and persona.

even now, he stands, realizing fully well that this may be the end of them—this may be the last time he would talk to noh hyejin as her boyfriend, as a vital part of her life. has he ever been vital to anyone’s lives?

but, the words don’t come.

not the proper ones, not the right ones. not even an apology. (apologizing is admitting it, admitting it is another step closer to a parting larry does not want).

so he stands, cowardly, eyes lowered to her hands, her shoes while she speaks. a terrible cold that overwhelms him. he’s aware of the implications. aware of how hyejin would grieve. aware of just how much he hurt her.

the inside of his mouth tastes of blood, of salt, of bile that pools, kept at bay by the words lodged in his throat. apologies, explanations, he knows no proper way to convey them. “wait—” larry moves without thinking, fingers slipping around her thin wrist. “i don’t need a coat, hyejin.” he pauses, eyes sweeping over her back, the thin of her shoulders, slight tremor of her frame.

“i needed to see you—to talk to you,” he’s not good at it. never was. but he owes her this much. “to apologize, hye.”

his ears are hot, stomach alight—is this how it feels, right before losing it all?

“i know it’s pointless now, but i—” larry takes a breath, aware of the frustration that begins to built. how does he even begin to make it make sense? “i never wanted to hurt you.” how does that not sound like bullshit?

“it’s—my fault.” he resits the urge to fidget, nerves getting the best of him. the words that spew out tinged with frustration, guilt, ultimately, a plea spoken in between. "it’s my fault, i hurt you. i’m the asshole.”

please don't blame yourself.

hyejin: 

all it takes is one touch.

she is there as if suspended, between the cold wintry air and the ground, but it is the farthest thing from liberating. his hand over her wrist, as if it is the most delicate thing he's ever held. how she'd used to savor each moment she'd been made to feel that way, a body wanted. in this very second, it's a delicate of the worst kind. a rupture. like skin overexposed under a cold, blue light.

deceptive, is what it really is. the hand on her wrist is not to pull her close but to keep her hostage to his own whims.

god, how does such control come so easily? and how is it that she bends under its pull each and every time?

so through every syllable, where it's nothing but teeth and not a single drop of blood, hyejin allows his grip there. stills like he wants her to, her pulse felt underneath the heart of his palm. but she keeps her face turned away, like a moon half obscured by shadow. a slice of her own vulnerability.

she allows herself that much dignity because that is all she wants to be given.

hyejin listens. filters through the endless stream of apologies, the different ways that language can be twisted around the same damned thing. the clarity of it all cuts a cruel edge, and somewhere from deep within the recesses of her mind, she thinks, this isn't about me.

this is all about you.

her voice is barely above a whisper, but it remains leveled. "so you decided not to tell me, and i could find out myself." the blanks are left for him to fill, which they both know how to, down to the very last letter.

prior to this, last summer had been deemed uneventful. from what she's known, it's always been better to not question it. question his habits, her lack thereof.

so it is here that he is wrong. she has a fault in this. it lays in her never asking at all.

and even when he's in the thick of it, gunwoo is adamant about not telling her a single, fucking thing.

this is her truth, then, in full:

"i would've let it go if it happened just once. we were on break and all, so in hindsight it shouldn't matter. but—" hyejin pauses, the words lodged in her throat, and something about it hurts so much she has to squeeze her eyes against the pain.

inhale. hold it. let it go. "but it wasn't just once, was it? and it was going to keep on happening otherwise."

there's other thoughts that cut in through her brain: how could you, why did you, she was my friend, but what is there to say when that's already been said and done?

"i want you to tell me when it started."

larry:

he’s not this person.

to his knowledge, he was never this person. never vile, selfish, hedonistic, uncaring, trash. never a cheater. never what his father was.

(he knows this, because he has caught his mother crying once, filled to the brim with frustration, turmoil, an age old ache that’ll never leave; cursing the man she loved. he knows this, because he has told himself in multiples since then, that he would never be like him.)

how he let things get so out of hand, larry isn’t sure.

(but he is. but he’s aware. the witch minseo has him him weak. has him shedding all rationality. has him. but that’s not her fault. it’s not her fault that he willingly gave into temptation. that he willingly sought after her time and time again. that he willingly swallowed shame and bore the weight of being a liar, cheater, scum.)

even now, none of the blame falls on anyone but himself.

he doesn’t reply. the answer is obvious, a given. but larry find that even if he wanted, he’s unable to find his voice. unable to find the nerve needed to say it. to come clean of his faults in front of hyejin.

to admit, that at any point in their relationship, he didn’t love her. didn’t care about her. didn’t want her. it’s all wrong. and the frustration that bubbles in his chest has his face hot, vision blurring with tears unshed. it’s wrong because he does. he does love her. even if all that he’s done up until now has stripped him of the rights to. ever again.

it’s harder when she speaks, when she rationalizes the act of it; how she would’ve forgiven him if it was just once. guilt weighs heavy on his chest, like a cinderblock placed upon his sternum, a boot on his throat, rendering him unable to properly breath, think, or speak.

“don’t.” larry manages quietly, hopes that the quiver in his tone is less apparent this way. he takes a second longer before leaning forward, pressing his forehead into her shoulder while his frame curls inward slightly; self-comforting. “i know it wouldn’t have mattered—one time or not.” you would’ve been hurt all the same.

her demand was simple enough. nothing that larry hadn’t seen coming. no matter how much his stomach lurched, how much he hated it, how much he didn’t want to—his mouth parts to speak. how much else can he deny her at this point?

“summer.” his fingers flex against her wrist absently, loosening and squeezing, telltale signs of his mounting anxiety. “we bumped into each other at a party and—” his jaw clenches, eyes screwing shut, more than aware of hot droplets beading at the corners of his eyes. sin had been easy, confession feels the end of the world as he knows it.

(and he’s just not ready. he’s just not ready to let hyejin go.)

“we just never stopped.”

hyejin: 

(and there it is.)

images of the unspeakable, yet undeniable truth flood through. she wasn't there, but that's the point, isn't it? if anything, her absence was a plus point in his favor. absences that were nothing more but timestamps for a transformation sequence: in a blink of a summer, one purposeless mistake to a prolonged series of affairs strung along with nothing more but purpose.

burning, she should be burning with something. loathing, hatred, remorse at the very position gunwoo has placed her in but there is nothing more but the weight of his words cast like stones on her back, his head cradled on her shoulder. it's bewildering, how he finds her for support when he's the sole cause of her demise.

she remains unmoving, as though the admission doesn't cut like a knife through her chest, but oh, it does, it does, but with it there's release. you don't have to keep holding on.

"you're wrong." stop lying, for goodness' sake. but there's no point in the demand. never will be. "you didn't want it to stop."

carefully, she pries her wrist away from his grip. then the shrug of her shoulder, pushing him off her completely. "and you won't have to be concerned about whether or not it matters to me, either."

(so here's this, too, while we're at it.)

"we're done, larry."

let go.

[solovellan]

First Post/Story dump?

I am impatient and didn’t want to wait for AAOO to let me be a member so I guess I’m dumping the thing I started here instead. It’s Solavellan right now, potentially with some Cullen in the future? Takes place shortly after the ending of the base Inquisition game, so definitely spoilers! This is my first venture into DA fanfic of any kind, so here’s to hoping I stick with it.

Prologue, Seven Months Ago

She wasn’t sure if they’d been here for minutes or if Solas had in fact been indulging her for hours, but Asha knew as soon as she started paying attention the charade would be up. She hoarded every moment the apostate let his guard down around her, and if it meant pretending to be asleep, so be it. Sooner or later she’d show him there was no need to hide the many thoughts racing through his head.

“I know you’re awake.” Solas murmured, making no efforts to stop the progress his long fingers made combing through her hair. “Your eyelids are fluttering.”

Or not. Asha gave one last heavy sigh before opening her eyes. Perhaps she’d only ever see what he carefully curated and presented to the Inquisition. But this in itself was progress, the most relaxed he’d been since they’d started studying together. Since they’d brought...whatever was resting between them into the waking world, and not just into the Fade that day she’d kissed him.

She let loose another heavy breath. Another thing Solas had made no move to bring up during their time together.

“Something is troubling you.” Asha finally looked up, into the hazel eyes that now narrowed as they marked a passage in the book Solas was reading before he set it down and focused fully on her.

“Considering recent events, I think it would be more concerning if I was fine.” She let him play with her unbound strands of hair for a few moments longer before reluctantly sitting up. Her back instantly felt the chill of mountain air without the warmth offered by his lap, and not for the first time she wondered if she was destined to always live somewhere where her throat felt coated in frost when she inhaled.

Solas blinked as Asha reached across his folded legs for the strap of leather he’d removed earlier, examining his now empty hand as if he’d been unaware of its actions while he read. Knowing him, it was all too likely, and this behavior would be monitored from now on.

“You have a lot on your shoulders, and you have handled those burdens admirably, but that is not what I was referring to.” He said at last, slowly tilting his head as she finished tying her hair back into its usual style. “Have I done something to upset you?”

Asha felt the words that would end the conversation dance across her tongue before she bit down on them, ending the trained reaction before it took over. In Orlais, every question about her was fielded into obscurity, the only personality she showed was one that got answers instead of gave them. She’d fallen back on that training when waking up in a dungeon in Haven, but now that she was Inquisitor, now that she needed the people closest to her to trust her with their lives—now that she wanted Solas to let her into his, she would need to work against the instinct to be the liar the Baroness had created.

“Solas, no, of course not. You’ve done nothing wrong.” Asha flinched inwardly but smiled gently, and wondered what the elf she now knelt beside took from her features as she watched concern pull at his. “You’ve done exactly what you promised.” And he had. It was her that was worn thin with impatience, hoping that after their journey to the fade Solas would have given the possibility of something more between them all the consideration he needed. “You told me you needed time, and we agreed to try studying together, but we haven’t exactly talked since.”

At least not about anything personal. There was always the giant hole in the sky, or debates on Dalish civilization, but during their sessions they’d gone from opposite ends of the library to sharing a table to exploring the bookshelves in her personal quarters. Her desk was too small for both of them, so they’d settled for the floor. Shoulders touching, necks bent over the pages before them. And when a morning of training caught up with her...it had felt natural to rest her head in his lap and let the sun filter through her bedroom's many windows as it crept through the afternoon.

“Ah.” Solas coughed slightly, cheeks blooming pink, before taking a deep breath and meeting her eyes once more. His face was already schooled into practiced calm, but the blush remained. “I understand now. I assure you that our conversation is near the forefront of my thoughts.”

“Just the conversation?” Asha steeled herself against whatever words would follow her question. At Haven, in the Fade, he’d seemed frightened of her lips against his until he pulled her back in. Maybe, despite his words in the rotunda, he had weighed the possibilities and found her lacking.

“It would be kinder, in the long run.” Solas slowly, wonderingly, raised a hand, resting his fingertips against her cheekbone. “To take what has already transpired between us and keep it close in memory only.” There was intent in his touch now, and yet it contradicted the regret in his low voice.

There was room to persuade him, to show the man that had saved her life and brought the Inquisition to safety in Skyhold’s arms that she was worth fighting for.

“Solas.” She whispered, letting her hand rest on his elbow before following the path of his arm until it held his fingers in place against her cheek. “Making a choice for yourself is understandable, but if you’re doing it for both of us without showing me all of the cards, I can’t play this right either.” She could have sworn the hazel tones across from her shifted to something more golden, like her own eyes, as Solas shook his head slightly.

“I cannot.” He bit out, jaw clenching, eyes squeezing shut with such frustration that she almost let his hand slip from her hold. Almost.

“Heartache is my life now.” She spoke firmly, reached out her other hand to prevent him from turning away. “It’s the life of every man woman and child looking to the Herald of Andraste to save them when she couldn’t save their friends and neighbors because despite her, despite me letting them down, I am the one with a glowing hand and a false god that hates me so it must mean I’m the one that can stand against him, right?”

Perhaps this was too much of a move against keeping everything bottled up, but now that Solas was trying to use the threat of something as constant as the pain that chased close behind her, nipping at her heels when she faltered, Asha found herself unable to give a single shit about whether or not her behavior was appropriate of the rank thrust upon her.

“Inquisitor…” Solas began, stopping when she let both of her hands fall.

“In the long run?” Asha asked, pressing the heels of her palms against tears she hadn’t felt well up, but now burned against her eyelids as the cold air sought them out and swept them away. “I could be dead tomorrow, killed by a flare up in the mark overnight. I could be dead next week, if Corypheus found even a hint of the trail we left here and decides that Haven was a slight best avenged sooner rather than later. If you’re going to be kind to me, Solas, you’re better off killing me before something else does.”

“You cannot know what you ask.” Solas sounded strained, barely holding onto the last tether of willpower he gripped so tightly. He let another thread of it go, extended his arms and enveloped her in his arms. “I assure you, your death would be no kindness.”

“Neither would making me walk towards it alone.” Asha felt the energy she’d restored during their time together seep from her bones until only constant, unrelenting exhaustion remained. Her knees ached from pressing into the grooved stone, and a chill crept from the floor throughout her entire body despite Solas’s arms around her.

She wanted his answer, but not like this. Not if it was given after watching her cry on the floor, for Maker’s sake. Besides, unless he took even longer to run their conversation through that unreachable mind over and over again like she feared she’d do when she closed her eyes tonight, he’d already given it to her. “I think that’s enough studying for today.” She murmured, averting her gaze as she rose, refusing to use his arms to brace her as her body protested against the sudden movement.

“Ashalya.” Her name, at last. But she did not want it, not his pity, never that. She wanted his smile when she asked about his travels, his laugh when Varric tricked Cassandra into drinking her coffee without sugar, his heart as he’d shown it to her weeks ago in but in the waking world as well.

“I’ll see you at dinner.” Her bed called to her, begged her to spend more than a few restless hours tossing within the confines of her sheets, but she forced herself to keep going, to walk with purpose down each step leading back to the Main Hall. If there was to be no help from him in combating the darkness threatening to overwhelm her when she thought of the task ahead, then she would not wait to rush into it.

***

Present Day

But he had thought about it. Had let thing sit between them, scratched in stone until he’d kissed her on the balcony and declared losing her worse than whatever secret tragedy awaited.

Asha keeled over, emptying her stomach into the chamberpot and stared with empty eyes at the bookcase, wishing she could remember their conversation in front of it with any less amount of clarity. She was able to stop for a moment, breathe between the waves of nausea and sit straight.

It would be kinder, in the long run.

Solas’s words sounded just like him, his voice perfectly preserved in her memories as she watched the spot where they had almost ended things before they could truly begin. Her gut lurched, and her hands leapt from where they’d been carefully cradling her abdomen to clutch the rim of the pot.

She’d outlasted death, survived where Corypheus had fallen and made the life awaiting her span lengths she once would have laughed at. Fear, a demon she once thought his presence could keep at bay, crept closer, rose higher as she bent over once more and hurled.

Solas might have disappeared, successfully fulfilled the prophecy he’d used to ward her off after that first kiss and left her with more than enough reason to call herself a fool. But with each morning that had greeted her since Corypheus’s defeat, Asha had begun to worry that he’d abandoned more than her.

[selfhelpqa-blog]

Feeling is the Secret

New Post has been published on https://selfhelpqa.com/feeling-is-the-secret/

Feeling is the Secret

FEELING IS THE SECRET

(THE ART OF REALIZING YOUR DESIRES)

by

Neville Goddard

Foreward

THIS book is concerned with the art of realizing your desire. It gives you an account of the mechanism used in the production of the visible world. It is a small book but not slight. There is a treasure in it, a clearly defined road to the realization of your dreams.

Were it possible to carry conviction to another by means of reasoned arguments and detailed instances, this book would be many times its size. It is seldom possible, however, to do so by means of written statements or arguments since to the suspended judgment it always seems plausible to say that the author was dishonest or deluded, and, therefore, his evidence was tainted. Consequently, I have purposely omitted all arguments and testimonials, and simply challenge the open-minded reader to practice the law of consciousness as revealed in this book. Personal success will prove far more convincing than all the books that could be written on the subject.

– NEVILLE

Chapter One

Law and Its Operation

THE world, and all within it, is man’s conditioned consciousness objectified. Consciousness is the cause as well as the substance of the entire world.

So it is to consciousness that we must turn if we would discover the secret of creation.

Knowledge of the law of consciousness and the method of operating this law will enable you to accomplish all you desire in life.

Armed with a working knowledge of this law, you can build and maintain an ideal world.

Consciousness is the one and only reality, not figuratively but actually. This reality may for the sake of clarity be likened unto a stream which is divided into two parts, the conscious and the subconscious. In order to intelligently operate the law of consciousness, it is necessary to understand the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious.

The conscious is personal and selective; the subconscious is impersonal and non- selective. The conscious is the realm of effect; the subconscious is the realm of cause. These two aspects are the male and female divisions of consciousness. The conscious is male; the subconscious is female.

The conscious generates ideas and impresses these ideas on the subconscious; the subconscious receives ideas and gives form and expression to them.

By this law – first conceiving an idea and then impressing the idea conceived on the subconscious – all things evolve out of consciousness; and without this sequence, there is not anything made that is made.

The conscious impresses the subconscious, while the subconscious expresses all that is impressed upon it.

The subconscious does not originate ideas, but accepts as true those which the conscious mind feels to be true and, in a way known only to itself, objectifies the accepted ideas.

Therefore, through his power to imagine and feel and his freedom to choose the idea he will entertain, man has control over creation. Control of the subconscious is accomplished through control of your ideas and feelings.

The mechanism of creation is hidden in the very depth of the subconscious, the female aspect or womb of creation.

The subconscious transcends reason and is independent of induction. It contemplates a feeling as a fact existing within itself and on this assumption proceeds to give expression to it. The creative process begins with an idea and its cycle runs its course as a feeling and ends in a volition to act.

Ideas are impressed on the subconscious through the medium of feeling.

No idea can be impressed on the subconscious until it is felt, but once felt – be it good, bad or indifferent – it must be expressed.

Feeling is the one and only medium through which ideas are conveyed to the subconscious.

Therefore, the man who does not control his feeling may easily impress the subconscious with undesirable states. By control of feeling is not meant restraint or suppression of your feeling, but rather the disciplining of self to imagine and entertain only such feeling as contributes to your happiness.

Control of your feeling is all important to a full and happy life.

Never entertain an undesirable feeling, nor think sympathetically about wrong in any shape or form. Do not dwell on the imperfection of yourself or others. To do so is to impress the subconscious with these limitations. What you do not want done unto you, do not feel that it is done unto you or another. This is the whole law of a full and happy life. Everything else is commentary.

Every feeling makes a subconscious impression and, unless it is counteracted by a more powerful feeling of an opposite nature, must be expressed.

The dominant of two feelings is the one expressed. 1 am healthy is a stronger feeling than 1 will be healthy. To feel 1 will be is to confess 1 am not; I am is stronger than I am not.

What you feel you are always dominates what you feel you would like to be; therefore, to be realized, the wish must be felt as a state that is rather than a state that is not

Sensation precedes manifestation and is the foundation upon which all manifestation rests. Be careful of your moods and feelings, for there is an unbroken connection between your feelings and your visible world. Your body is an emotional filter and bears the unmistakable marks of your prevalent emotions. Emotional disturbances, especially suppressed emotions, are the causes of all disease. To feel intensely about a wrong without voicing or expressing that feeling is the beginning of disease – dis-ease – in both body and environment. Do not entertain the feeling of regret or failure for frustration or detachment from your objective results in disease. Think feelingly only of the state you desire to realize. Feeling the reality of the state sought and living and acting on that conviction is the way of all seeming miracles. All changes of expression are brought about through a change of feeling. A change of feeling is a change of destiny. All creation occurs in the domain of the subconscious. What you must acquire, then, is a reflective control of the operation of the subconscious, that is, control of your ideas and feelings.

Chance or accident is not responsible for the things that happen to you, nor is predestined fate the author of your fortune or misfortune. Your subconscious impressions determine the conditions of your world. The subconscious is not selective; it is impersonal and no respecter of persons [Acts 10:34; Romans 2:11]. The subconscious is not concerned with the truth or falsity of your feeling. It always accepts as true that which you feel to be true. Feeling is the assent of the subconscious to the truth of that which is declared to be true. Because of this quality of the subconscious there is nothing impossible to man. Whatever the mind of man can conceive and feel as true, the subconscious can and must objectify. Your feelings create the pattern from which your world is fashioned, and a change of feeling is a change of pattern.

The subconscious never fails to express that which has been impressed upon it.

The moment it receives an impression, it begins to work out the ways of its expression. It accepts the feeling impressed upon it, your feeling, as a fact existing within itself and immediately sets about to produce in the outer or objective world the exact likeness of that feeling.

The subconscious never alters the accepted beliefs of man. It out-pictures them to the last detail whether or not they are beneficial.

To impress the subconscious with the desirable state, you must assume the feeling that would be yours had you already realized your wish. In defining your objective, you must be concerned only with the objective itself. The manner of expression or the difficulties involved are not to be considered by you. To think feelingly on any state impresses it on the subconscious. Therefore, if you dwell on difficulties, barriers or delay, the subconscious, by its very non-selective nature, accepts the feeling of difficulties and obstacles as your request and proceeds to produce them in your outer world.

The subconscious is the womb of creation. It receives the idea unto itself through the feelings of man. It never changes the idea received, but always gives it form. Hence the subconscious out-pictures the idea in the image and likeness of the feeling received. To feel a state as hopeless or impossible is to impress the subconscious with the idea of failure.

Although the subconscious faithfully serves man, it must not be inferred that the relation is that of a servant to a master as was anciently conceived. The ancient prophets called it the slave and servant of man. St. Paul personified it as a “woman” and said: “The woman should be subject to man in everything” [Ephesians 5:24; also, ICorinthians 14:34, Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1]. The subconscious does serve man and faithfully gives form to his feelings. However, the subconscious has a distinct distaste for compulsion and responds to persuasion rather than to command; consequently, it resembles the beloved wife more than the servant.

“The husband is head of the wife,” Ephesians 5[:23], may not be true of man and woman in their earthly relationship, but it is true of the conscious and the subconscious, or the male and female aspects of consciousness. The mystery to which Paul referred when he wrote, “This is a great mystery [5:32]… He that loveth his wife loveth himself [5:28]… And they two shall be one flesh [5:31]“, is simply the mystery of consciousness. Consciousness is really one and undivided but for creation’s sake it appears to be divided into two.

The conscious (objective) or male aspect truly is the head and dominates the subconscious (subjective) or female aspect.

However, this leadership is not that of the tyrant, but of the lover.

So, by assuming the feeling that would be yours were you already in possession of your objective, the subconscious is moved to build the exact likeness of your assumption.

Your desires are not subconsciously accepted until you assume the feeling of their reality, for only through feeling is an idea subconsciously accepted and only through this subconscious acceptance is it ever expressed.

It is easier to ascribe your feeling to events in the world than to admit that the conditions of the world reflect your feeling. However, it is eternally true that the outside mirrors the inside.

“As within, so without” [“As above, so below; as below, so above; as within, so without; as without, so within”, “Correspondence”, the second of The Seven Principles of Hermes Trismegistus].

“A man can receive nothing unless it is given him from heaven” [John 3:27] and “The kingdom of heaven is within you” [Luke 17:21]. Nothing comes from without; all things come from within – from the subconscious.

It is impossible for you to see other than the contents of your consciousness. Your world in its every detail is your consciousness objectified. Objective states bear witness of subconscious impressions. A change of impression results in a change of expression.

The subconscious accepts as true that which you feel as true, and because creation is the result of subconscious impressions, you, by your feeling, determine creation.

You are already that which you want to be, and your refusal to believe this is the only reason you do not see it.

To seek on the outside for that which you do not feel you are is to seek in vain, for we never find that which we want; we find only that which we are.

In short, you express and have only that which you are conscious of being or possessing. “To him that hath it is given” [Matthew 13:12; 25:29; Mark 4:25; Luke 8:18; 19:26]. Denying the evidence of the senses and appropriating the feeling of the wish fulfilled is the way to the realization of your desire.

Mastery of self-control of your thoughts and feelings is your highest achievement.

However, until perfect self-control is attained, so that, in spite of appearances, you feel all that you want to feel, use sleep and prayer to aid you in realizing your desired states.

These are the two gateways into the subconscious.

Chapter Two

Sleep

SLEEP, the life that occupies one-third of our stay on earth, is the natural door into the subconscious.

So it is with sleep that we are now concerned. The conscious two-thirds of our life on earth is measured by the degree of attention we give sleep. Our understanding of and delight in what sleep has to bestow will cause us, night after night, to set out for it as though we were keeping an appointment with a lover.

“In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumbering upon the bed; then he openeth the ears of men and sealeth their instruction”, Job 33.

It is in sleep and in prayer, a state akin to sleep, that man enters the subconscious to make his impressions and receive his instructions. In these states the conscious and subconscious are creatively joined. The male and female become one flesh. Sleep is the time when the male or conscious mind turns from the world of sense to seek its lover or subconscious self.

The subconscious – unlike the woman of the world who marries her husband to change him – has no desire to change the conscious, waking state, but loves it as it is and faithfully reproduces its likeness in the outer world of fonn.

The conditions and events of your life are your children formed from the molds of your subconscious impressions in sleep. They are made in the image and likeness of your innermost feeling that they may reveal you to yourself.

“As in heaven, so on earth” [Matthew 6:10; Luke 11:2]. As in the subconscious, so on earth.

Whatever you have in consciousness as you go to sleep is the measure of your expression in the waking two-thirds of your life on earth.

Nothing stops you from realizing your objective save your failure to feel that you are already that which you wish to be, or that you are already in possession of the thing sought. Your subconscious gives form to your desires only when you feel your wish fulfilled.

The unconsciousness of sleep is the normal state of the subconscious. Because all things come from within yourself, and your conception of yourself determines that which comes, you should always feel the wish fulfilled before you drop off to sleep.

You never draw out of the deep of yourself that which you want; you always draw that which you are, and you are that which you feel yourself to be as well as that which you feel as true of others.

To be realized, then, the wish must be resolved into the feeling of being or having or witnessing the state sought. This is accomplished by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled. The feeling which comes in response to the question “How would 1 feel were my wish realized?” is the feeling which should monopolize and immobilize your attention as you relax into sleep. You must be in the consciousness of being or having that which you want to be or to have before you drop off to sleep.

Once asleep, man has no freedom of choice. His entire slumber is dominated by his last waking concept of self.

It follows, therefore, that he should always assume the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction before he retires in sleep, “Come before me with singing and thanksgiving” [Psalm 95:2], “Enter into his gates with thanksgiving and into his courts with praise” [Psalm 100:4]. Your mood prior to sleep defines your state of consciousness as you enter into the presence of your everlasting lover, the subconscious.

She sees you exactly as you feel yourself to be. If, as you prepare for sleep, you assume and maintain the consciousness of success by feeling “I am successful”, you must be successful. Lie flat on your back with your head on a level with your body. Feel as you would were you in possession of your wish and quietly relax into unconsciousness.

“He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep” [Psalm 121:4]. Nevertheless “He giveth his beloved sleep” [Psalm 127:2].

The subconscious never sleeps. Sleep is the door through which the conscious, waking mind passes to be creatively joined to the subconscious.

Sleep conceals the creative act, while the objective world reveals it.

In sleep, man impresses the subconscious with his conception of himself.

What more beautiful description of this romance of the conscious and subconscious is there than that told in the “Song of Solomon”: “By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth [3:1]… I found him whom my soul loveth; I held him and I not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me” [3:4].

Preparing to sleep, you feel yourself into the state of the answered wish, and then relax into unconsciousness. Your realized wish is he whom you seek. By night, on your bed, you seek the feeling of the wish fulfilled that you may take it with you into the chamber of her that conceived you, into sleep or the subconscious which gave you form, that this wish also may be given expression.

This is the way to discover and conduct your wishes into the subconscious. Feel yourself in the state of the realized wish and quietly drop off to sleep.

Night after night, you should assume the feeling of being, having and witnessing that which you seek to be, possess and see manifested. Never go to sleep feeling discouraged or dissatisfied. Never sleep in the consciousness of failure.

Your subconscious, whose natural state is sleep, sees you as you believe yourself to be, and whether it be good, bad or indifferent, the subconscious will faithfully embody your belief.

As you feel so do you impress her; and she, the perfect lover, gives form to these impressions and out-pictures them as the children of her beloved. “Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee” [Song of Solomon 4:7] is the attitude of mind to adopt before dropping off to sleep.

Disregard appearances and feel that things are as you wish them to be, for “He calleth things that are not seen as though they were, and the unseen becomes seen” [Approx., Romans 4:17]. To assume the feeling of satisfaction is to call conditions into being which will mirror satisfaction.

“Signs follow, they do not precede”.

Proof that you are will follow the consciousness that you are; it will not precede it.

You are an eternal dreamer dreaming non-eternal dreams. Your dreams take form as you assume the feeling of their reality.

Do not limit yourself to the past.

Knowing that nothing is impossible to consciousness, begin to imagine states beyond the experiences of the past.

Whatever the mind of man can imagine, man can realize. All objective (visible) states were first subjective (invisible) states, and you called them into visible by assuming the feeling of their reality.

The creative process is first imagining and then believing the state imagined. Always imagine and expect the best.

The world cannot change until you change your conception of it. “As within, so without”.

Nations, as well as people, are only what you believe them to be. No matter what the problem is, no matter where it is, no matter whom it concerns, you have no one to change but yourself, and you have neither opponent nor helper in bringing about the change within yourself. You have nothing to do but convince yourself of the truth of that which you desire to see manifested.

As soon as you succeed in convincing yourself of the reality of the state sought, results follow to confirm your fixed belief. You never suggest to another the state which you desire to see him express; instead, you convince yourself that he is already that which you desire him to be.

Realization of your wish is accomplished by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled. You cannot fail unless you fail to convince yourself of the reality of your wish. A change of belief is confirmed by a change of expression.

Every night, as you drop off to sleep, feel satisfied and spotless, for your subjective lover always forms the objective world in the image and likeness of your conception of it, the conception defined by your feeling.

The waking two-thirds of your life on earth ever corroborates or bears witness to your subconscious impressions. The actions and events of the day are effects; they are not causes. Free will is only freedom of choice.

“Choose ye this day whom ye shall serve” [Joshua 24:15] is your freedom to choose the kind of mood you assume; but the expression of the mood is the secret of the subconscious.

The subconscious receives impressions only through the feelings of man and, in a way known only to itself, gives these impressions form and expression.

The actions of man are determined by his subconscious impressions.

His illusion of free will, his belief in freedom of action, is but ignorance of the causes which make him act. He thinks himself free because he has forgotten the link between himself and the event.

Man awake is under compulsion to express his subconscious impressions. If in the past he unwisely impressed himself, then let him begin to change his thought and feeling, for only as he does so will he change his world. Do not waste one moment in regret, for to think feelingly of the mistakes of the past is to reinfect yourself. “Let the dead bury the dead” [Matthew 8:22; Luke 9:60]. Turn from appearances and assume the feeling that would be yours were you already the one you wish to be.

Feeling a state produces that state.

The part you play on the world’s stage is determined by your conception of yourself.

By feeling your wish fulfilled and quietly relaxing into sleep, you cast yourself in a star role to be played on earth tomorrow, and, while asleep, you are rehearsed and instructed in your part.

The acceptance of the end automatically wills the means of realization. Make no mistake about this. If, as you prepare for sleep, you do not consciously feel yourself into the state of the answered wish, then you will take with you into the chamber of her who conceived you the sum total of the reactions and feelings of the waking day; and while asleep, you will be instructed in the manner in which they will be expressed tomorrow. You will rise believing that you are a free agent, not realizing that every action and event of the day is predetermined by your concept of self as you fell asleep. Your only freedom, then, is your freedom of reaction. You are free to choose how you feel and react to the day’s drama, but the drama – the actions, events and circumstances of the day – have already been determined.

Unless you consciously and purposely define the attitude of mind with which you go to sleep, you unconsciously go to sleep in the composite attitude of mind made up of all feelings and reactions of the day. Every reaction makes a subconscious impression and, unless counteracted by an opposite and more dominant feeling, is the cause of future action.

Ideas enveloped in feeling are creative actions. Use your divine right wisely. Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all creation.

While you are awake, you are a gardener selecting seed for your garden, but “Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit” [John 12:24]. Your conception of yourself as you fall asleep is the seed you drop into the ground of the subconscious. Dropping off to sleep feeling satisfied and happy compels conditions and events to appear in your world which confirm these attitudes of mind.

Sleep is the door into heaven. What you take in as a feeling you bring out as a condition, action, or object in space. So sleep in the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

Chapter Three

Prayer

PRAYER, like sleep, is also an entrance into the subconscious.

“When you pray, enter into your closet, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father which is in secret and your Father which is in secret shall reward you openly” [Matthew 6:6].

Prayer is an illusion of sleep which diminishes the impression of the outer world and renders the mind more receptive to suggestion from within. The mind in prayer is in a state of relaxation and receptivity akin to the feeling attained just before dropping off to sleep.

Prayer is not so much what you ask for, as how you prepare for its reception. “Whatsoever things ye desire, when ye pray believe that you have received them, and ye shall have them” [Mark 11:24].

The only condition required is that you believe that your prayers are already realized.

Your prayer must be answered if you assume the feeling that would be yours were you already in possession of your objective. The moment you accept the wish as an accomplished fact, the subconscious finds means for its realization. To pray successfully then, you must yield to the wish, that is, feel the wish fulfilled.

The perfectly disciplined man is always in tune with the wish as an accomplished fact.

He knows that consciousness is the one and only reality, that ideas and feelings are facts of consciousness and are as real as objects in space; therefore he never entertains a feeling which does not contribute to his happiness, for feelings are the causes of the actions and circumstances of his life.

On the other hand, the undisciplined man finds it difficult to believe that which is denied by the senses and usually accepts or rejects solely on appearances of the senses. Because of this tendency to rely on the evidence of the senses, it is necessary to shut them out before starting to pray, before attempting to feel that which they deny. Whenever you are in the state of mind “1 should like to, but 1 cannot”, the harder you try, the less you are able to yield to the wish. You never attract that which you want, but always attract that which you are conscious of being.

Prayer is the art of assuming the feeling of being and having that which you want.

When the senses confirm the absence of your wish, all conscious effort to counteract this suggestion is futile and tends to intensify the suggestion.

Prayer is the art of yielding to the wish and not the forcing of the wish. Whenever your feeling is in conflict with your wish, feeling will be the victor. The dominant feeling invariably expresses itself. Prayer must be without effort. In attempting to fix an attitude of mind which is denied by the senses, effort is fatal.

To yield successfully to the wish as an accomplished fact, you must create a passive state, a kind of reverie or meditative reflection similar to the feeling which precedes sleep. In such a relaxed state, the mind is turned from the objective world and easily senses the reality of a subjective state. It is a state in which you are conscious and quite able to move or open your eyes but have no desire to do so. An easy way to create this passive state is to relax in a comfortable chair or on a bed. If on a bed, lie flat on your back with your head on a level with your body, close the eyes and imagine that you are sleepy. Feel – I am sleepy, so sleepy, so very sleepy.

In a little while, a faraway feeling accompanied by a general lassitude and loss of all desire to move envelops you. You feel a pleasant, comfortable rest and not inclined to alter your position, although under other circumstances you would not be at all comfortable. When this passive state is reached, imagine that you have realized your wish – not how it was realized, but simply the wish fulfilled. Imagine in picture form what you desire to achieve in life; then feel yourself as having already achieved it. Thoughts produce tiny little speech movements which may be heard in the passive state of prayer as pronouncements from without. However, this degree of passivity is not essential to the realization of your prayers. All that is necessary is to create a passive state and feel the wish fulfilled.

All you can possibly need or desire is already yours. You need no helper to give it to you; it is yours now. Call your desires into being by imagining and feeling your wish fulfilled. As the end is accepted, you become totally indifferent as to possible failure, for acceptance of the end wills the means to that end. When you emerge from the moment of prayer, it is as though you were shown the happy and successful end of a play although you were not shown how that end was achieved. However, having witnessed the end, regardless of any anticlimactic sequence, you remain calm and secure in the knowledge that the end has been perfectly defined.

Chapter Four

Feeling

“NOT by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts” [Zechariah 4:6]. Get into the spirit of the state desired by assuming the feeling that would be yours were you already the one you want to be. As you capture the feeling of the state sought, you are relieved of all effort to make it so, for it is already so. There is a definite feeling associated with every idea in the mind of man. Capture the feeling associated with your realized wish by assuming the feeling that would be yours were you already in possession of the thing you desire, and your wish will objectify itself.

Faith is feeling, “According to your faith (feeling) be it unto you” [Matthew 9:29]. You never attract that which you want, but always that which you are. As a man is, so does he see. “To him that hath it shall be given and to him that hath not it shall be taken away…” [Matthew 13:12; 25:29; Mark 4:25; Luke 8:18; 19:26]. That which you feel yourself to be, you are, and you are given that which you are. So assume the feeling that would be yours were you already in possession of your wish, and your wish must be realized.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him” [Genesis 1:27]. “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God” [Philippians 2:5,6]. You are that which you believe yourself to be.

Instead of believing in God or in Jesus – believe you are God or you are Jesus. “He that believeth on Me, the works that I do shall he do also” [John 14:12] should be “He that believes as I believe the works that I do shall he do also”. Jesus found it not strange to do the works of God, because He believed Himself to be God. “I and My Father are one” [John 10:30]. It is natural to do the works of the one you believe yourself to be. So live in the feeling of being the one you want to be and that you shall be.

When a man believes in the value of the advice given him and applies it, he establishes within himself the reality of success.

[carlmiguel-blog]

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[seanmalatesta]

Why I’m Going on a Sabbatical, and You Should Too

5 Things I Learned When We Got Away From It All

I am about to embark on a sabbatical for the next month to get away, enjoy time with family, and do some long-range thinking. Americans typically don’t take all of their vacation days, much less go off on sabbaticals. The idea of an extended period away from work may sound like an exotic concept or, worse, unemployment.

It was pretty foreign to me too the first time I took a 30-day sabbatical after I resigned as CEO of Thomas Nelson. But it was also an eye-opener.

When We Got Away

Gail and I spent 16 days in the mountains of Buena Vista, Colorado, several days in Portland, Oregon, and the rest of the time just putting around our home in Franklin, Tennessee, disconnected from the daily demands of running a company.

That sabbatical was tremendously meaningful to both of us. I regretted that it had taken me 30 years to get there and decided not to miss out in the future. We resolved to go on one month-long sabbatical every year.

This yearly cycle of work and a long break and work again helped to develop my ideas about the purpose of productivity and the radical margin we need to carve out in our lives. Too often, people preach productivity for its own sake, which is not enough. It simply encourages overwork and burnout.

I found I can work harder and more effectively now knowing that a sabbatical is just around the corner. There won’t be gaps in my blog posts, for instance. That’s already been taken care of.

Now It’s Your Turn

Taking sabbaticals requires some adjustment in your thinking. It also requires some planning and financial resources. And I realize that, after stepping down from Thomas Nelson, I was in a rare position. But after we did it the first time, it struck me that we could have started sabbaticals years before.

It doesn’t have to be expensive. The biggest challenge is probably working with your employer. Yet, limited thinking may play a role as well. In the more than 30 years I spent in corporate management, I never had a single employee even ask me to take a sabbatical.

If he (or she!) had pitched me the idea and explained how I, as an employer, would have benefitted, I definitely would have entertained it. And if I saw that it worked well, I might have taken my first sabbatical sooner.

So before you rule this out, maybe give it some more thought and ask, “What would it take to make this possible?” Maybe you can’t do it this year, but you might be able to take a sabbatical next year or in two years if you decide it’s something you want and plan ahead.

5 Reasons to Go for It

In case you’re still not sold, here are 5 benefits of taking a sabbatical that I wrote down during my first sabbatical in 2011. They might not all apply to you but some of them should. That time away could give you the opportunity to:

1. Recharge Physically and Emotionally

This is more important than you think. We were made to surge, then rest. It is so important that it is hard-wired into our biology. This is why we sleep and why God and man rested on the seventh day. We can’t just go, go, go, and expect to function optimally.

2. Slow Down and Enjoy Being

We are human beings, not human doings. Yet so much of our life is defined by our activities. On our sabbatical, Gail and I loved the opportunity to read, reflect, go for long hikes in the mountains, fish, and just sit and do nothing. We gave ourselves permission not to be productive. It was difficult at first, but eventually we settled into a new rhythm.

3. Feed Your Spiritual Side

We can spend our days, lost in the endless flow of distractions and amusements. Over time, our hearts become disconnected from any sense of True North. It was so healthy for us both to read the Bible and other spiritual literature, and spend time in extended prayer.

4. Get Clarity on Your Priorities and Goals

I used part of my time away to re-tool my life plan, design a new ideal week, and plan out the next three years. I committed to writing, speaking, and mentoring as my vocational priorities. Actually making them part of my calendar helped me to stay focused, and gave me a filter to say no to other opportunities that would distract me. The resulting growth of Michael Hyatt and Company has been wonderful to watch.

5. Get on the Same Page as Your Spouse

The older I get, the more important this is. Although I believe my wife and I can have a positive impact on our own, I also believe in the power of synergy. Together, we have the potential for our combined efforts to be greater than the sum of our individual ones. This is why it is so important for us to be in alignment.

There were definitely some things we did differently in the next sabbatical, and the next, and the next. Taking a sabbatical is like any other activity or skill. You can improve over time. But we got the right start, and our lives have been so much better for it. Yours could, too.

“ We were made to surge, then rest. We can’t just go, go, go, and expect to function optimally.

—MICHAEL HYATT

Question: What is holding you back from taking a sabbatical? What steps can you take to get closer to that goal? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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