#but i’m supposed to be teaching them too. so i am doing like 20 mins of Listening and Talking

[archandshri]

22nd March ‘24 - [arch] Mad About Munch, Warm-up sketches and daaarknesss???

Good evening, Shri! I forgot that it is Friday, but at the beginning of writing this, I have an hour and 27 minutes until Friday is over, so I WILL be on time!

Wow, like a lot has happened? But I also don’t have tons to show for it. (it’s because I’m working on cool secret project that I’m not allowed to talk about which is fun!)

Stuff i have been doing

Museums :0!!!! I have been travelling and in my old age apparently, I like old art now???

Gathering a lot of reference images - photos, but also general inspiration

Finally organising my digital space a bit! I backed up like 3 years' worth of Procreate images and cleared out half my iPad

Getting some of my sketchbooks, especially comic development, digitised and onto Google Slides! I follow a similar process to when I was at uni still, with a huge PowerPoint for a project that contains reference images, inspiration, plot bullet points, and links to google docs where I write the scripts, development sketches and finals. It makes it super easy to go back to important parts of the development and be reminded of things I might have lost in the development process

Warm-up sketches because you bullied me into it (affectionate)

Continuing to explore colour

2 things I would like to tell you more about: 1) Edvard Munch!!!!!! If you ever get the chance to visit the Munch Museum in Oslo, do it!! I hadn’t seen a whole museum dedicated to one guy before, but seeing so much of his work in one place, in person really helped me understand it better. They also had a fantastic audio tour to rent that made it super accessible. I had just come from thinking about colour last week and becoming more comfortable with darker colours, and I had been thinking about personality and narrative in settings and backgrounds - both of which he does really well. In particular, The Sick Child, Eye in Eye, and The Sun stood out to me.

2) Play. AGAIN!!!!! I feel like I’m constantly having to fight myself, reminding myself to let go, play around, and explore without the expectation of a final outcome. You told me to try some 20 min warm-up and cool-down sketches - which I’ve been doing and has been going great! They’re not all perfect and aren’t supposed to be, but I’ve also had some really fun outcomes that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. I also feel like I’m getting more of a grip on colour :0

Plus, I’ve found that I haven’t wanted to post my terrible sketches or even my better ones?? Which has been nice to make without the need for sharing. However, I have found myself craving a final image to share with all of Tumblr and Instagram, thinking of possible images that would do well on those platforms. I think there is a small part of me that wants to create those because it would be fun, but I think it’s mostly to fix the number-shaped hole :/ Hank Green made a good video which mentioned the fact that platforms are EXTRA BAD with teaching creators to be addicted to them, even more so than consumers. Video here. It’s good.

I was listening to the Imp and Skizz podcast earlier (Episode - Rendog pt 1), it’s a great podcast, they chat about Hermitcraft a bit but mostly about what being alive is like and being a creator, I really recommend them too. Anyway, Skizz said he was once told to ‘create videos that he wanted to watch.’ And I think it’s a good approach to have when creating. What do I wanna see/ read?

I would love to chat to you about the balance between dark tones and silliness in storytelling too, but it is 11pm and I do have to get up early tomorrow. Plus, I’m not sure I have enough thoughts yet. But for now, it’s left me thinking: what do I want to make? Am I campable of silliness in stories? I want to tell stories with an undertone of darkness, that discusses difficult themes, but how to we do that while keeping it entertaining and not just Too Much(™)?

I dunno, just thoughts I’ve been having. I wanna get them down, even if I don’t have any solutions yet. In the meantime, please accept these sketchbook pages in lieu of philosophical answers. 

Thank you for listening to my rambles once again!

Love <3 Archie

Ps. I saw Frozen the musical and it was Very Sibling, and I cried. It made me think of you and I think you would like it (it’s only a bit different to the film but it makes such a difference omg)

[fizzingwizard]

Recently:

So at the end of last year (school term), my boss came to me and informed me that, this year, some classes would have only two teachers. I teach preschool - all our students are under 3. Our teacher-student ration is supposed to be 1:6. But when I took the job I was told that even if there were fewer than 12 students, we would still always have 3 teachers in a class.

This is CRITICAL because this job is designed around the idea that there will be one foreign teacher and two native speakers. There are way more tasks than can be done by just two people - and that’s WITHOUT factoring in actually supervising the children. Literally, you’d think as a Pre-K teacher, watching the kids would be Task #1, and it is, but only when something goes wrong and management needs someone to blame 😇 of course!! Then they’re all “The safety of the children should come before anything else!”

But any other time, they’re like, “Why haven’t you finished tasks 1-50? Also here are 20 more tasks we’re adding, on top of the additional 20 we gave you this time last quarter, because unless we’re constantly demanding more of you we feel that we as management are redundant 😇😇 you should easily be able to do all this in an 8 hour period with no breaks even though that’s illegal 😇😇😇”

and yeah we’re not getting breaks ^^ when do I sit down? Gee, if I have a 15 min chunk of “prep” and the person taking over my shift is a couple min late, meaning I actually have only 10 min and can’t do anything with it so I might as well just sit and stare at the wall.

By the way, it’s illegal. Our contracts say we get 1 hour prep, 1 hour break every day. It’s not a matter of “Sometimes things are tight and we can’t manage it.” It’s a matter of “Things are so tight EVERY DAY that we can NEVER manage it.” I got this amount of break only once: the beginning of 2020. But I never had it before and never after, and at this point we’re luck to even get 1 hour total which means it’s PREP time and not break time. We don’t even get lunch breaks: we eat with the kids. If you wanna wait till you’re off to eat, have fun eating lunch at 3:30.

Also we are responsible for cleaning the whole school every day, and when do we do that? During our... drum roll.... BREAK time! So now we are cleaning during PREP since we have no BREAK, meaning we have even LESS TIME to prep, meaning we prep during class time whenever we can, which we’re not supposed to do because 1) task no. 1 is watch the kids, and 2) it “looks bad to prospective parents visiting the school” OKAY, WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IT. WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO BUY, PREPARE, AND ORGANIZE THE MATERIALS FOR EACH OF OUR STUDENTS TO MAKE THEIR CRAFTS AND DO THEIR SENSORY PLAY. WHEN. WHEN. WHEN.

Also! They rounded us up to pick up the slack from ANOTHER SCHOOL which lost a teacher. So now me and my coworkers are taking turns doing an our overtime twice a week at a completely different school. We get paid for that hour at least, but alright, it’s too much to get into but basically it’s teaching a class with no format and no lesson plan at all. Weird enough if you’re the one in charge, but with that divided up among four different teachers it’s like... seriously just cancel the class until a new teacher can be found. If you don’t have a sub and have to foist it on a totally different school which is already full of overworked, understaffed teachers, CANCEL IT. Are the students learning anything?? I have no idea. I am sure that I’ll get an earful from management if they complain though!

Why doesn’t the school cancel it? THEY DON’T WANT TO REFUND THE PARENTS OF COURSE. They don’t want to refund them for the class where their kids aren’t learning anything, because the teachers 1) weren’t trained to teach them, 2) have more than enough of their own shit to do (I already teach multiple classes at my own school and don’t have enough time  to prep for those!) and 3) are used to teaching 2 year olds, NOT 10 YEAR OLDS.

Anyway! I’m ranting about that 2 teacher thing. Because when my boss told me, at the end of the year, I said, “I don’t want that. Don’t put me in a class with only 2 teachers.” Of course I don’t have the clout to demand it, but because I teach 2-3s, that means I already knew more or less how many kids I’d have because of the number of kids in the 1-2s class. So I did end up getting 3 teachers because of the 1:6 ratio: we are over 12 kids and here it is illegal to have fewer than 3 teachers in that situation.

But the 1-2s had no such guarantee because it was all dependent on how many students signed up, which management can of course control. So they started the year with less than 12 kids and just 2 teachers. In terms of ratio it’s fine. Let me tell you. Pre-K teacher-student ratios are STUPID. Out of this galaxy stupid! These teachers have worked so hard, picked up so much slack, again with no breaks!!! They really, really care about their kids and go above and beyond to the point that we have had very few incidents (child injuries etc) and nothing major. (We are also rather lucky in this year’s group bc normally we have kids who bite and hit but for some reason this year we don’t have any aggressive types. But that is just a fluke, a fluke we’re very grateful for!! but it’s totally typical of this age for some kids to bite and scratch bc they can’t talk and communicate in any other way.)

So they care and work so hard and management just keeps adding new students. And these kids are YOUNG and need everything done for them. My kids are 2-3, a little more independent, and even WE struggle. We have 3 teachers like I said, but because of the crazy situation, one of us is often sent away to help the 1-2s, so I have taught a lot this year with just 2 teachers like I told my boss I did NOT want to happen. It is STRESSFUL. We have TOO MUCH to do. If our tasks during the day were decreased, so that we could let one teacher watch the kids and one teacher take care of classroom tasks, then I wouldn’t care so much. But despite the number of teachers decreasing, the task load has only gone UP. It is IMPOSSIBLE to watch the kids and get everything done.

In the beginning of the year I had three kids with issues. One was out of control due to a very difficult family situation. This kid had zero stability and the only thing he wanted to do was run around and bash into things. Toys didn’t interest him, books didn’t interest him, I’m not even sure if cartoons could keep his attention because it just wasn’t there. He needed a teacher with him all the time.

Kid number two is the easiest because he is only difficult when he has tantrums. If you can calm him down, he’s alright. His problem is that he needs everything to be THIS WAY and canNOT handle it being THAT WAY. Which in a room with 13 other kids who all have differing needs is NOT doable, but he is two and can’t be expected to understand that. He used to run as well, but he has since grown used to us and our routine and gotten better. Currently he’s regressed though and we’re dealing with that all over again.

Kid number three was HUGE for a two year old and AGGRESSIVE. He attacked any other kid provoked or not (he imagined they were provoking him by existing nearby, basically). I am not exaggerating at all when I say he would try to attack another child, or sometimes a teacher, every five minutes. He 100% needed a teacher with him simply to calm him down and prevent him from hurting people.

So. Three teachers, 14 kids (last year, btw, we had 18! 😇). Two kids who need one teacher’s full attention 100% of the time, one kid who needs a teacher’s full attention half of the time - and 11 other kids who, while normally doing okay, are also only 2-3 and have 2-3 yo needs and get tired and cranky and need hugs and help learning how to share toys...

HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IT?? And if WE couldn’t do it, how are the two teachers with the 1-2 yos supposed to even begin to do it?

And on top of that: all those classroom tasks I mentioned! Who’s going to do THEM?

Do you know how my class got by? Well, kid one and kid three ending up LEAVING THE SCHOOL! That’s how! Kid one left for home reasons. Like I said, his home situation was awful and all I can do is pray that things got better thanks to this change. He was very difficult for us to handle, but we would never blame him or any child for that. It was obviously the result of having no home stability. (To be clear, we never suspected abuse of any kind. The circumstances were more out of people’s hands. Deaths in the family etc and the kid being sent from one relative to the other and custody battles. Of course if we suspected abuse we wouldn’t have said nothing.) So we are sad to lose him and hope he goes on to a wonderful life. But, yes, the class is much easier without him.

And kid number three left because, when we tried to talk about ways to help him deal with his constant aggressive behavior with his parents, they flipped out. At first they seemed receptive, but you know, parents are very sensitive and feel that any discussion of their child’s behavior is us pointing our finger at them and saying they’re bad parents. Mom took the kid to a specialist who said that he has a delay of some sort, but he’s too young to say what it is specifically, and that all we can do is what we are already doing (watching him like a hawk). Mom tried to work with us, but then dad got involved, and suddenly both parents didn’t like anything the specialist said and didn’t want anything to do with us. When the situation in our class didn’t change (amazing how doing nothing leads to... nothing!), they decided to switch their kid to another school. Well, all the best to him. We have not heard boo from them since. My class calmed down SIGNIFICANTLY as a result of this kid leaving because before, we never had time to focus on any of the other kids. It was always simply “Watch Kid 3, watch kid 3, negotiate with kid 3, take kid 3 outside to calm down, give kid 3 as much special attention as possible because  the minute you even look at other child he will start attacking someone.” I told my adviser I felt like I didn’t even know who the other kids in my class were.

So my class is doing as well as it is because we sometimes have 3 teachers and we no longer have 2 out of our 3 difficult students. If we still had all three of those kids, what would things be like now?

Because here’s what’s going on: those 1-2 yo classes with two teachers each? Well, one of them had a teacher who constantly called out sick. At first it was a few times a month. Then it was at least once a week. Then it got to a point where she was only showing up maybe two days each week. It’s medical circumstances so I don’t know the details. I don’t doubt that she’s sick or blame her for needing time to recover. That is life, getting sick isn’t anyone’s fault, and it’s impossible to do our very physical, on your feet all day, no down time at all job if you’re in constant pain. The problem isn’t the sick teacher: the problem is the management WHICH DID NOTHING TO REPLACE HER. NO-THING.

Instead of sending a sub when she was out, or negotiating for her to stay home long term and give us a long term sub in her classroom, management did NOTHING and let US, the already critically overworked staff with no breaks, who area already picking up slack for that other school, pick up the slack for this teacher as well. Me and my coworkers were just rotating days leaving our own classes to take care of hers. (So I didn’t have 3 teachers most of the time, is the effect.) Sometimes you’ve have Teacher A help for one hour, then Teacher B for 30 min, then teacher C... or maybe an admin with no teacher training!

That class has one other teacher who’s been with them all year, and she is a saint in my eyes, because she has basically had to do EVERYTHING: all the craft prep, all the activity planning, all the communication with parents. It’s ALL on her. The sick teacher wasn’t in enough to help, and subs can’t take over those things. She finally, FINALLY broke down about it last week. I told my leader, if it were me, I’d have broken down months ago.

Management’s response? Well, her class is FINALLY getting that sub... except, they don’t have a sub, for some reason. IDK why, other schools do! In fact, one sub’s home base IS our school, and yet instead of letting her stay here, they send her to other schools... IDK man I really don’t know!!! So since there are no subs, two teachers are tagteaming to help this class. At least it’s no longer one of us, but it’s still far from ideal, because the regular class teacher still has do all the prep herself. But at least she’s getting slightly more consistent help??

And THEN. Here is where things really fall apart.

Remember we started this year with 2 teachers fewer than usual. Now, the sick teacher is not coming at all anymore until she recovers, which is expected to take months. So that’s minus one more. Then one of my coworkers got covid, so she has no choice but to quarantine for 10 days. We have one new teacher in the second 1-2 yo room, but that’s because they now have 15 students, many of whom are new and need tons and tons and tons of help. We have the sub in the other room, but sometimes they only stay for actual class time, ie, not morning or after care, so we can’t rely on their help during those times.

So basically this week we are down FOUR TEACHERS. Plus - before any of this happen there were teachers who requested to take this Friday off. It’s a popular time to use PTO because today, Thurs, is a national holiday. They requested this day before any of this shit hit the fan and were given permission. So actually. Guess what. We are down not four... but SEVEN TEACHERS tomorrow. And guess what else... we can’t make the 1:6 ratio no matter how hard we try!!!

We are getting some help from another school... or we WERE... because at least one of THOSE teachers coming to help just came down with covid and can no longer come! X’D hit me with a hammer!!!!! please!!!!

Not only did we spend this week trading teachers from room to room like we have been all year, but I have to keep sending my own students to other classrooms just to make ratio. I HATE doing it. We try to only send kids who won’t have trouble adjusting. Some kids feel separation anxiety or maybe that being sent to another class is a punishment, so we never force any kid to leave. There’s usually a kid who is very easygoing and will just see it as a fun field trip. That’s the kid we send. But it still sucks, just personally for me because I like my class and love all my kids and want them together.

But more relevantly, it sucks because we’re in a situation this Friday where like I said, we don’t have enough help, so kids in MULTIPLE CLASSES will be playing musical classrooms just to make ratio. It’s bad enough when just one kid has to move to another room. Multiple is a recipe for a disaster. All my childcare instincts are against it. When you shake things up like this, especially in an environment like ours where routine is what keeps things going, you are taking MASSIVE RISKS with child safety. We all know about the kids with allergies or medical issues in each class - but of course the classroom teacher naturally has the most PRESENT knowledge about their own students. It is dangerous to be sending kids around to different rooms and switching things up - we had a situation once where there were kids in the room who weren’t usually and therefore weren’t on the snack checklist - meaning we could easily have given snack to a child with an allergy to the snack! Of course we noticed and got it sorted before giving the kids food. But imagine if we were all new teachers just learning the ropes. And even with us being experienced, this meant our timing was backed up 10 min... and we DO NOT HAVE WIGGLE ROOM.

Why don’t Pre-K classes have built in wiggle room, you ask? SEARCH ME. Seems to me to be an obvious necessity when kids are this young, needy, and unpredictable... but I guess nope!

And allergies/dangers aside. It’s so much easier to misplace a water bottle, a kid’s bag, or accidentally send two kids home wearing each other’s pants, or any of the myriad other situations that occasionally happen even when things are relatively normal just because teachers are tired or communication broke down etc. Now you want to throw everything in the blender as well. That kind of things is WAY more likely to happen if you do that.

And bottom line. This year we have had very few incidents. Not even sending kids home in each other’s pants :P Do you know why? It’s because my coworker are rock stars. Even the new ones have been exceptionally hard workers for being new. We all care so, so much about these kids and want them to feel none of the stress that their teachers are in. Why do I keep at this job despite everything? I seriously love my kids and I enjoy what I do. I don’t expect perfection, I know most every job has annoying management and an overload of tasks - that’s one reason I don’t try to switch bc I imagine I’ll have a lot of the same but minus the hugs from my kids and getting to do adorable crafts with them. That being said, it has gotten unreasonable. There’s expecting too much of people and then there’s expecting the impossible. I can’t even cover the required material in my lesson plan. I don’t have time. I don’t have money because they cut our stipend for materials. I don’t have anything. Actually, this year in particular, we’ve been short on: diapers, disinfectant, wet wipes, paper towels, EVEN BOTTLED WATER. i don’t know the reason. It’s just been that way all year. It may have to do with our new school manager, who is nice, but new, and basically learning by trial by fire. I feel bad for her. I like her but yeah, having a brand new school manager has not helped the disaster that is this entire year.

But what I mean to say is we are only doing as well as we are because we are working our asses off and helping each other and doing our best to stay positive. There have been a couple tiffs between teachers especially recently. I told my coworker, it’s not because the teachers are unreasonable, it’s because they have been under so much stress that they’re finally blowing their lids. That’s why this happened. Because I know all these people and have seen them in stressful situations before and they don’t lose it. They don’t argue. We figure it out. This is not a pattern of getting angry, it’s an exception. Exceptions should be noted AS AN EXCEPTION. What caused it? Shitty policies, reduction of resources and staff, no one listening to us asking for help. So we end up with no one to rely on but each other - but we’re all only human and can only do so much and can only take so much.

What I don’t understand is why we can’t do the obvious to fix things. At least it seems obvious to me! First, stop taking new students. Yeah, the school needs money, I get it, fuck off. The school should have planned better. Also neither us teachers nor our students are seeing any of that money. So no more new kids. Two, we should have fewer tasks during the day. Anything that isn’t essential should be cut for now. We can bring it back some day when we have a full staff. That should mean 1-2s don’t need to “gargle” after lunch (Idk but Japan is obsessed with gargling. It is the key to Never Ever Getting Sick. Well, our kids still get sick plenty, and also they manly just drink the sink water. Idk how a 1 yo is supposed to gargle.) If the 1 yo teachers didn’t have to bring them all two by two to gargle, that would free up so much time for them after lunch. I would like do to the same with me 2-3s, but they are also potty training, so I do have to bring them to the bathroom anyway, so they might as well gargle and brush teeth while they’re waiting for the other kids. Three: less paperwork. Yeah, like management will ever agree to that lol! But seriously, enough with the bilingual newsletters and emails and posters and all the other things we have to do constantly and get translated and then proof-read and then signed off before we can post them. They take so, so much time and we only have so many computers (they used to be SUPER SLOW but this year got replaced by new ones that are fast which THANK HEAVEN FOR THAT.) Other things: we don’t need to do all the cleaning we do every day. Mop the floor should be once a week. Gathering garbage: each class should gather its own and garbage duty should be divided so two teachers can do it in half the time.

Admittedly these changes wouldn’t help all that much, but they’d be something. Since we don’t have enough people, that means we are doing each other’s cleaning on top of our own too. Which means even less prep/break time. Basically, it means that the schedule might say you have 1 hour and 15 min non-consecutive break/prep time, but since you spend 30 min cleaning, it’s actually only 45 min.

like my dude, I don’t sit down between 7:30-3 pm most days these days. I’m up and down and standing and squatting and running and carrying kids and going up and down stairs and carrying lunch and cleaning up and mopping and chasing the escaped 1 yo down the hall and getting punched in the nose by a kid throwing a tantrum (one threw my glasses across the floor the other day lol) but I am NOT sitting even for five min.

And I still have a better situation than some of my coworkers.

I can’t even express the level of exhaustion right now. We just got told that we will be able to say what we want to management at the end of November. Well, I’ll say something, fat lot of good it will do. More likely I’ll be seen as someone who can’t cooperate with others and a complainer. Like I don’t bite my tongue and cooperate over and beyond every single day.

Every year I wonder if this will be my last year at this job, but there are so many factors to consider. The main one is, if I leave this job, but want to stay in Japan, where will I go? Because I can’t do eikaiwa again. I fucking hated it. And I don’t want to be an ALT again. After having my own class, I can’t imagine teaching in any other way, but especially not as an assistant to someone else, unless we were very, VERY collaborative and not restricted to lessons in some crappy English textbook.

My thought is my only option will be to go back to school and get a Master’s so I can teach elementary school here. By the way, what is a bachelor’s degree for? Seems to be worth literally nothing. You should skip bachelor’s and go straight to Master’s these days, lmao. But I just paid off my debt from undergrad and am very, very loathe to take on more when I have so little in savings. Like, my savings suck. I have saved up more by Not Going Home To The US, but uh, I would like to see my family again some day, you know?

also the yen freaking tanked so right now if I told you what my salary is in US money... you’d be like “go make more at mcdonalds” bahahaha

well I’m glad I ranted here so my poor boyfriend will hopefully not have to put up with it. He’s so nice and always listens but boy can I talk when I get started, especially when I’m this frustrated. So I feel bad doing it. Same thing when I call my mom. But I’m so like, I just can’t deal with it all by myself, I gotta tell someone, but I feel like they’re probably annoyed just hearing about how tough things are. Things are tough for everyone, Fizz.

There are good things too, though, so I’m gonna rant here and try to be more upbeat on phone calls.

Just gotta get through November and then I have a break. It’s a terribly, terribly busy November and I cry just thinking of it. But yeah. Then there’s a good long break till January. I’m going to do so much sleeping x’D

[bangtanloverboys]

indented fingertips // myg

summary: you don't know much about your roommate, min yoongi. until one day you come home to see him strumming away at a guitar, maybe he could give you a lesson?

pairing - rooommate!min yoongi x female!reader

genre - fluff; roommate au

word count - 2.2k

warning - nothing

author’s note - this is fic is dedicated to the lovely @cinnaminsvga for the @btsghostiewritersnet​ holiday fic exchange! this was a bit of a challenge as i have absolutely no idea how to play the guitar thus i don’t know proper instructions but! i gave it my best shot and i hope you enjoy it!!

“Yoongi, I’m back!” You announced as you shut the door to your apartment. As you were pulling off your muddy shoes, you could hear the pitter-patter of rain against the windows accompanied by light strumming of a guitar. “Yoongi?” You called out as you made your way towards the music. You followed it until you were standing in front of the door of Yoongi’s room, the door cracked open a bit ever so slightly.

Peaking in, there your roommate sat on his bed, his back facing you, strumming away on a black guitar. Needless to say, you were a bit surprised. You didn’t know he could play! Then again, you didn’t know a lot about him since he moved in a few months back. Your mutual friend Seokjin introduced you to each other after you said you needed a roommate, and Yoongi to his word was the perfect roommate. He generally liked to keep to himself, which was nice considering you liked the quiet. But at the same time, you felt like you were living with a stranger. 

You watched in silence as he continued to strum at his guitar. Listening closely, you realized that you didn’t recognize it. Did he write his own music? What else wasn’t he telling you? You swung your head side to side as he continued to play, only freezing when he stopped playing. He repositioned his hands on the neck of the guitar before strumming again, letting out a couple small hums as he tried to get the note just right. He must be composing, you thought to yourself. 

You wanted to step in and talk to him about it, maybe learn a little more about him. But there was something itching you at the back of your mind, something Seokjin told you when Yoongi decided to move in, and that was not to disturb him while sleeping or working. You assumed working meant like work related stuff, this is what he must have meant. Biting your cheek, you silently began to tiptoe to your room. You wonder why he’s never told you, but then again, he doesn’t tell you much about himself. All you pretty much knew about him was he worked in accounting, is really cute, and apparently plays the guitar. 

As you shed your day clothes and change into some sweats, you can still hear him faintly playing though the wall. It brings a smile to your face, learning something new about your roommate. Once dressed, you made your way out to the living room and turned on the television. The faint sound of Yoongi playing ceased as you started to scroll through the service, looking for something to watch. As you clicked on an old comedy special, you heard footsteps come down the hall. 

“Hey Yoon,” you said nonchalantly as he appeared in your vision.

“H-hey, when did you get home?” He asked, scratching the back of his head.

“Few minutes ago,” you shrugged as the comedian was announced and walked on stage, “Just started this. Wanna join?”

“I’m good. . .” he responded as his hand dropped to his side, “Did you-” A loud clap of thunder interrupted him, the lights and the television going dark. 

“Ah shit,” you groaned. Looking at Yoongi, who looked mildly relieved yet at the same time annoyed at the inconvenience of the powering going out. “How long do you think the power is gonna be out?”

“Uhh, I don’t know. Couple hours maybe?” He sighed as he looked around. “Do we have any candles or anything?”

“Uh, should have a few in my room, hang on.” You pushed yourself off the sofa and trudged your room, pulling off the candles from your desk. As you made your way back to the living room, Yoongi seemed to have pulled out other candles from their long forgotten hiding spots, lighting them and placing them sporadically around the room. He handed you the lighter as you walked over to him, lighting the candles as you placed them down on the table. 

The room was filled with conflicted scents of different types of fruits and woods; a strange combination, but not all too bad as both you and Yoongi sat down on the couch. The continuous sound of rain was the only noise as the two of you sat in silence, unsure of what to do next. 

“So. . .” You started, “Any ideas to pass the time?”

“I uh, I don’t know.” He mumbled, as his gaze fell down to his hands, picking at his nails. 

“How about 20 questions?” You proposed, a way to pass the time and might as well use it as an excuse to get to know your roommate a little more. He gave a meek shrug, signalling to you that it wasn’t a no. Turning in your seat to face him, you clasped your hands together, “Okay. What’s your favorite type of cake?”

He looked at you with a confused look on his face before responding with, “Chocolate?”

“You don’t sound sure.”

“I don’t know, I’m not really picky when it comes to cake.” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in confusion. 

“Sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to press, I guess.” You murmured, “It’s your turn.”

Letting out a huff, Yoongi turned in his seat to face you. His tongue in cheek as he thought of a question to ask. “Uh, what’s your favorite. . .book?”

“It’s Frankestien.” You answered. You caught an interested glimmer in his eye, so you continued to talk about it. “I like the classic monster stories, plus Mary Shelly was pretty cool too.” 

“Wow, I-I didn’t know that. I’ll make a note of that for your birthday.” He chuckled; you felt your heart flutter at the sound of his laugh.

“I- yeah, uh,” you scratched your head, trying to distract yourself from the sound of his obnoxiously cute chuckle. The only thing popping into your mind was the image of him playing the guitar, maybe now was a good time to ask him about it? “Do you- do you play any instruments?” 

“I uh,” his gaze fell down to the floor. “Yeah. . . Guitar. . .”

“Oh was that you playing earlier?” You feigned surprise. “I heard a little bit, you’re really good!”

A shy smile pulled at Yoongi’s lips, “Yeah, but I’m not that good. I’ve only been playing a few months.” His eyes avoided yours, staring at the lit candle. 

“No no no, don’t talk yourself down!” You pouted, shoving his shoulder a bit. “From what I heard, you’re really good.” 

“You’re just saying that,” he waved you off. “Anyways. . .what about you? Do you play anything?” He asked, diverting the conversation onto you. 

“No, I don’t.” You answered, but then it hit you, a brilliant idea. “Maybe you can teach me!”

“Teach you?!” Yoongi was baffled at your statement. “No, I could never, I’m-I’m not that good of a teacher.” He shied away from you once again.

“Come on, Yoongi.” You pursed your lip out in a pout, “Please! What else are we gonna do until the power comes on?!”

“Fine, I guess,” he muttered as pushed himself off the couch to go grab his guitar. You let out a small cheer as he reappeared with the instrument at hand. “I only know how to play Highway to Hell, Brown Eyed Girl, and an IU song. Which do you wanna learn?”

“Could I learn the one you were playing earlier?” 

Yoongi’s cheeks reddened at your question, “That-that’s uh, that’s an unfinished song. . .”

“Teach it to me? Please?” You pleaded, clasping your hands together in an effort to make yourself look more convincing. “Just the chorus?”

“Mmm, fine.” He exhaled as he positioned the guitar in his arms. “First, the basic chords are E,” he positioned his fingers on the neck then he strummed. “A.” He moved his fingers again then strummed the note. He proceeded to show you the rest of the basic notes, making sure you pay extra close attention to the placement of his fingers. Once the basic introduction was over, he began to demonstrate his song’s chorus. “It goes, two strums of D,” he strummed, “two strums of C,” he strummed again, “and four strums of G.” He strummed again. 

“Alright, seems easy enough.” You were impressed, it sounded pretty good. Okay more than pretty good, it was great! Yoongi was really talented, if he ever decided to put his music out no doubt you were gonna be the first to download it. “Let me try now.”

Yoongi handed the guitar to you and you mimicked the way you saw him hold the instrument, there was a twinge in his eyes as he saw you hold it, but he didn’t say anything. “Okay, fingers to the D chord position.” He instructed, you placed your fingers on the neck, your fingers looking close to how Yoongi positioned his. You looked to him, silently asking if the placement was correct; he nodded, giving you a tight smile. “Good, now two strums.” You did as you were told, it didn’t sound quite the same as how Yoongi did. From the look on Yoongi’s face, he noticed it too, yet he didn’t say anything again. “That was good. . . now two strums of C.” You repositioned your fingers again and yet again it didn’t sound the same. 

“Are you sure I’m doing this right?” You questioned.

“Yeah, you’re doing fine.” He assured you, but there was that same twinge in his eyes. He knew it wasn’t right, why wasn’t he correcting you? “Now four strums of G.”

Deciding to test his honesty, you placed your fingers in a position that definitely wasn’t the G chord and strummed 4 times. You watched as Yoongi visibly flinched at the sound, yet remained smiling at you. “How was that?”

“Great, you did. . . awesome.” He said as he gave you a thumbs up.

“Yoongii,” you whined. “You know that wasn’t right! How am I supposed to learn if you don’t help me properly.” 

“I just, uh, fine.” He scooted closer to you, taking your fingers in his hands and repositioning your fingers on the neck. “That’s the D chord, strum.” You did so and it sounded a lot better than your first shot. He repositioned your fingers again, “C chord.” You strummed twice more, you watched as Yoongi’s lips pulled into a smile. “Good, good. Okay and this is the G chord.” He moved your fingers once more and let you play the chord and it sounded almost like how he did it! “Great! Now do it all together slowly.”

Carefully examining your positioning again, you began again. Despite the long pauses between the notes as you tried to place your fingers in the correct places again, it sounded pretty good! Not as good as Yoongi’s playing, but it was still good! “I did it!”

“Think you can speed it up a bit?” He asked, his smile growing wider.

“Let’s give it a shot,” you straightened your shoulders as you moved your fingers back to the D chord. But apparently it wasn’t quite right as Yoongi stopped your hand before you moved to play.

“Sorry, just, your finger should be right,.” He with his thumb and pointer finger, he lightly pushed your finger a bit to the side, “here.” He pulled away with a grin on his face. “Now play.”

And so you did. With Yoongi’s help, you managed to play the chorus of his song pretty okay. After a while though, your fingers began to ache so you decided to stop, handing the guitar back over to Yoongi. You thought he was going to take it back to his room, but instead he started playing a melody that you barely recognized. Leaning back against the arm of the couch, you watched Yoongi play; the light of the candles illuminating the outline of his face. Neither of you said anything, the only noise that was heard was the sound of the rain, the crinkling of candles, and the sound of Yoongi’s guitar. 

As he played on, you felt yourself grow more relaxed. You slowly started to shut your eyes, but as you did, the lights blinked back on. Yoongi ceased his playing as the TV blared to life again, the comedy special overpowering the sound of his music anyways. Sitting up, you grabbed the remote and turned off the television. “Thank you, for teaching me. And-and playing in general, you’re really good.”

He slipped the guitar from his lap, leaning it against the couch. “I’m still just trying to learn and work on the song, it’s nowhere near finished-”

“Yoongi,” you placed your hand on his shoulder, “it’s gonna be great. I know it.”

He relaxed under your touch and smiled at you, his cheeks flushing. “Thank you, Y/N.” 

“It’s no problem,” you returned the smile. Feeling a little bold, you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks again for the lesson.” Yoongi tensed up at the affection as you leaned back. “Maybe I can teach you something in return, like bracelet making. I don’t know.” You laughed, maybe it wasn’t an equal type of lesson as a guitar one but it was the only thing you could remember from sleep away camp. 

“Yeah-” His voice came out in a squeak, clearing his throat before he spoke again, “Yeah, that. . . sounds good!” He spoke as he rose to stand. “I’m uh, I’m gonna go put this away now.” With that, he picked up his guitar and scurried away towards his room. 

You chuckled as he left, heart feeling full after having a small bonding session with him. You were happy that you finally got to know Yoongi a bit more, with any luck you’ll get even closer.

[cofferi]

Just some FFXIV thoughts....

To start, here's some boring info about me: I used to play Maple Story, Flyff, and Ragnarok Online, as well as a myriad of other obscure mmos and private servers back in the 2000s. Point is none of these were considered hardcore in the slightest.

So, starting ffxiv after so long kind of hit me like a train. I get to level 15 where I must queue up for my first low level dungeon Sastasha in order to move forward with the story. I don't have friends so I will be grouped up with 3 random strangers. The expected wait time to get in is like 7 mins. I wait about 5 mins and then withdraw from queue.

I have to do stuff with others??? Ummmmmmmmm. I honestly wandered around the map for like half an hour just questioning myself and if I should keep going.

Tank? Healer? DPS?

Coming from games of long ago where you just kinda wanted to have a healer on your team but you had no real obligation to, ffxiv actually recognizes the job roles and specifically requires a party of 1 tank, 1 healer, and 2 dps. You cannot deviate from this! (Well, you can but that's not typical, and later dungeons expand the number of players in a party but the general idea of requiring at least one of each role is still the same). It's interesting to me how this structure has become so sacred. Dungeons cannot be completed without you doing your specific job. It's to promote efficiency and comfort so everyone generally knows what to do as well as what others will do right off the bat.

Visibility AKA "Why are people looking at me"

Oh no. So, if everyone has a job to do that means there is the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known. If you don't do your job, your party members WILL notice lol! And it will be obvious because there will be just 4 of you in the party. It's not hard to see what 3 others are doing. Further, if you're tank/healer, you will be the only one of your job role in your party. If you don’t follow your role, no one else can cover for you. You are very visible. And that's very anxiety-inducing!! You don't want to let the party down. Here are some notable job anxiety narratives:

- Tankxiety. You have to essentially lead your party through a scary maze-like dungeon. Nobody will move unless the tank moves first because the tank needs to be the one to take initial damage and get enemy aggro. You are therefore kind of expected to know your way around and where to go. This is less about competency, though, and more about confidence in yourself. If you get lost, no one tangibly loses anything. You just find the way eventually. Playing tank forces you to learn maps and enemy patterns. As someone who would rather fade away into the background, this scared the shit out of me.

- Healing responsibility. If someone/everyone dies, it's your fault. It's common to feel like this even if your party consists of 3 dumbasses who can't play and kill themselves on purpose. You feel responsibility because the whole point of you is to take care of everyone. That's the reality, and that's a lot of pressure. Playing healer forces you to have 0.1 reaction time, learn enemy patterns, and know how to prioritize who gets to live and who stays dead. People’s lives are on the line. When I was a child, I told my parents straight up I could never be a doctor.

- No real dps bad narratives though except to git gud. You're not as visible at being bad dps unless you literally stand there doing nothing. You can be head empty no thoughts about most maps and enemies as long as you react normally enough.

This game sounds very unforgiving and mean

To combat this anxiety hurdle, there is a huge focus on guiding and taking care of new people who don't know much. You have a literal sprout icon next to your name until you catch up to the latest expansion. So, like 1000+ game hours?? You are overtly "new" for a very long time.

Because the game is so heavily story-driven and requires a new 4-person dungeon run literally every step of the way, these dungeon queues need to have a steady stream of players ready to run them at all times. Otherwise, it would be actually impossible for newbies to get through the story. Not everyone has friends to make a pre-party with, ok cool guy. Majority of dungeon crawling is done with random parties.

So, you get rewards out the ass for running "duty finder" daily which puts you in a random unlocked dungeon with an automatically-generated party of random people. It is the #1 best way to get exp and level up. You are essentially rewarded for helping out new people to do their required dungeons. You can give advice during the run, tell them how best to go about things, give tips on their job, etc.

I find this so smart as a game philosophy in order to get people to constantly play/revisit all content while also being friendly to new people. New people are the lifeblood of a game. You literally cannot just play in a bubble with only top tier savage raider people and shield yourself from new people or incompetency. Not that I'm calling only new people incompetent.

Competency AKA "What am I doing and why am I bad”

The side effect of running these dungeons randomized is that you will often be dropped into one that you completely forgot about. The average person cannot memorize every single one and everything that happens in it. The game came out in 2010 so there is 10+ years of content.

If this game teaches you anything it's that You Will Fuck Up and it will be a lot and until the end of time. You are honestly forced to come face to face with your own incompetency nearly every time you log on lol. In a sense, you try to put on your best performance every time you enter a 20 min dungeon instance and just hope you don't cause a party meltdown.

It won't matter how many times you practice your rotation or how many times you run through the same dungeon over and over. You will inevitably forget something, you will misclick, you will get tunnel vision and forget to move from an aoe and get slammed in the face and die.

But it's fine. I see people dying to dumb shit all the time. It's fine because you get up and try again. Dungeons are not so difficult that you can't get through it on a second try, usually. There are no consequences to dying or performing sub-optimally except your own personal shame, time, and sadness. In fact, there's an exhilaration you get when things get particularly hairy but everyone pulls through by the skin of their teeth and manages to make it out alive.

CONCLUSION: You are important and contribute to the fight in your own way.

Only once you get over the Mortifying Ordeal can you then achieve the Rewards of Being Loved. There is something so satisfying about each successful dungeon run and knowing it is the result of each party member's cumulative contribution. When a role is missing or dies, there is a noticeable difference. (Even dps. Sometimes fights are ones of attrition and will take 5-10x longer without dps).

So, yes, you are extremely visible to other random strangers who may judge you. But that also means that when you do a good job, your good job is visible. 80% of my dungeon runs end in the party thanking each other. The pressure the game puts on you to do your best but not to stress too hard about it is just enough, in my opinion.

You are encouraged to get over yourself, your ego, your own anxiety.

Personally, it is a point of pride for myself if I am able to hit all my buttons right when I'm supposed to. I want to be good for myself and for my random party members who I will ride or die for after just 20 mins. The game wants you to do your best, to be social and communicate when things go awry, and also to be humble in the face of weird shit happening -- all at the right levels. And then you are treated to the coolest damn visuals and game mechanics I've ever experienced!

[radbutsafe]

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

[ashfantasyworld]

Ashton

It was the start of me falling for everyone, it was like any other day. I had turned 20 years of age, and had become what we consider in the middle of teens. My tail never does as I want it to, when I try to hide things or feelings. It always blows my cover, and in training I have started to flirt with this good looking human. I seriously melt when I see him, but how the hell do I tell another guy I like him. What if he dont like me? I know I'm ranting now but it's important I promise. I failed him and I failed my Mom, I failed everyone. As I'm writing this letter I am sitting in a cell waiting for the cultists to end me for being unholy. They call me, well I hope someone reads this as i think i will die today. And yes I'm crying. I can't help it. I'm still a kid, well let me tell you my story then. So if you read it you wont be as stupid as i was.

The start of the story is on my 18th birthday, my mom who cares for me alone had made me a cake. And I was eating it with her, as she told me of my dad, and how the humans had come. And I was a mix of Human and Tabaxi and so on, she misses my dad a lot after he died. So she talks about him on a regular basis, but it's okay if she is happy doing so I don't mind listening to it. And well I had plans today to meet up with a guy that looks amazing, and well we have exchanged looks sometimes and he is going to meet me tonight. But I need to train first. I aint so big on using close combat weapons. I rather like to use bows and crossbows but if i can i like to talk my way out of things. So I use most of my day for training, as a tabaxi I have to be combat ready when I'm around 18 to 20 so yeah. When I'm done with my work out I walk to take a shower and damn that's a long process. Have you tried to get fur dry?It's a nightmare. So when I'm done with my 3 hour long chore of showering for 30 min and using 2h 30 min to not smell like a wet dog. Ewww dogs….. It's time to meet up with Thor, it's night now and I have become smaller than what I was. It happens every night. I think it's due to my father and since he was not a cat, I am probably cursed. Thor doesn't mind, he finds it kinda cute, we are going to meet up by the hill so we can watch the stars together. I walk up there with ease as well. I'm a cat and move easily, not like dogs who walk all over the place sniffing pee. So I sit and wait for him, he is so slow I mean I can wait. I remember seeing him walking in, he looked so good. He has a nice beard and looks like something from a story book from the people up north, he sits down beside me. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest, and he asks me “what I think is up there”. I think a lot and look up, before I'm reminded of all the stories from my mom about dad. “I think my dad is up there watching over me, keeping me safe”. I can feel his hand touching mine, I tell him “that's okay, i feel the same for him”. He pushes me to the ground so I'm on my back, and kisses me. He sits back up and looks at me, I smile and move and kiss him back. It feels wonderful. I feel warm all over and I'm so happy. We smile and part ways after a while, I am so happy I am falling so hard for him. Everything was so good before I failed him.

Some days pass and well we meet up, hidden from everyone else. He decides that we should keep it hidden from everyone, and that's fine for me. He has become more bossy with me, and makes my decisions for me. But that's okay. I am kinda girly anyways, and I like to have someone in control of me. And well im 4*10 120 lbs so I'm small, and I dress kinda cute. So I am not someone who is in charge, It makes me smile just to think of Thor, my big viking. 

But one day I decided I don't know why but that i wanted to be in a dress for him you know female dress. They look so nice, and damn cute and I have the body to be in one. So stupid as i was i got one to be cute to him, my Mom told me i was always special and thats what she loved about me. And helped me get the dress on, we had to cut a hole for the tail tho. As that damn tail always got in the way, but we did and it looked kinda good. So I went to where I knew Thor usually did hang out. I went there and it did not go so well, as his friends were there and when they saw me. They called me alot, “Abomination, Little girl, Loser, ugly”. You know all the bad words, and Thor even made fun of me, and when I tried to run they caught me. And started to beat me up, I don't remember too much as it got black quickly. What I do remember though is Thor hitting me in my face with his friends. I did wake up later. My dress was bloody and ripped apart, I started to cry and ran to the spot where me and Thor first met. And sitting down made me even more sad, as I remembered him. I cried for a long time, before Thor walked up to me and sat down beside me. He told me it was my fault, and I said sorry so many times. He agreed to be with me if I did not behave like that ever again and made it up to him. It made me so happy I kissed his cheek and asked what he wanted, he said I had to get something for him from the smithy. When I asked what he smiled and said a special sword from the smithy, I agreed I just had to get that and he would be mine. I did not have any money though as i know he just wanted a gift, like i am supposed to give him. So i had to steal it, i said i would be back here in 3 hours to him with the sword. It was still night so I could get it, he smiled as I ran off, I know I can do it for him. I'm so lucky to get another chance after embracing him like that. When I'm at the smithy I manage to sneak my way over the fence, but then I see it. The terror itself, the thing that could be compared with the devil himself. Ewwww a small dog, it even looks like a rat. I was close to throwing up in my mouth, and now I have to touch it. I am sure I was close to dying right there and then. But for Thor I would, so I grabbed the dog. Made my skin crawl, as I held over its tiny mouth it started to lick me. I know how disgusting, that tongue has probs been licking buts and poop and pee and ewwwwwwww. But I did it, I moved the dog carefully to another place as it kept licking me all the way. Gives me even the shivers now as I write this while crying, but I move it far enough away. So I could sneak back in, and well when people are stupid enough to let a window be open, I mean it's like an open invitation. I stop and look at the Female sleeping, she is so cute she is older than me tho, must be like 25 to 30 in human years. But I have a mission, so I go and look at the swords. I'm not sure which he wants so I take the most fancy look, and move to the window. But stop looking at the girl. I feel bad for her. I will make it up to her, but I have to leave. So I leave and run back to Thor he smiles, as I give it to him, I feel so happy for giving it to him now he wants me back. He looks at me and hits me in the face with the back end of it, and pushes me to the ground and keeps beating me. Screaming at me how stupid i am for taking the wrong sword, I try to say sorry and that i love him in between the hits. But he dont stop, he keeps on beating me for a while. I deserve it though. I failed him, how could i be so stupid. 

After a while he stopped and looked at me with piercing eyes, “you failed me” the words kept ringing in my ears. As he walked off with the sword I had stolen from him, I walked home. My mom saw me beaten and bloody. She looks at me and shakes her head, “i am sorry” she smiles and follows me into the bathroom and finds some bandages and ointments to help with my wounds. She spends most of the evening cleaning me up, and treating me, I don't say much at all that night. My head is spinning around, everything that has happened. I slept for almost 2 days. Before someone comes knocking on the door at my house, my mom opens and asks me to come into the living room. I just put the comforter over my head, I do not want to do anything right now. After a good 10 minutes the lady comes into the room, the smith stares at me as I swallow hard. She closes the door behind me and we have a conversation, she told me that stealing is not okay. And doing so could get me killed. She offers me a job to work off what I owe, she says she had one give her a chance once and this was her doing the same. But if I was late or did not show, she would go to the guards. I started working with her smithy. Her name is Cynthia, she was not too pleased with me at the start, but after 6 months of me working there every day. She starts to take a liking to me, and teaches me about hard work. I have not heard from Thor in half a year, and I'm finally starting to get over him. Everyday I meet up, I do most of the labour around the smith like cleaning up and keeping it tidy. As I see her sell things to people and make deals, I smirk and one day I say to her. “Bet i could make more money off it” she smirks and tells me the bet is on i have 1 month to beat her. Every day I do everything I can to sell, I start playing music outside and to lure people in I let them haggle but manage to turn them around. After the month is over I have made 1276 gold 436 more than she made, I smirk and she smiles and tells me I have worked off all my debt. But I don't want to stop working. I ask her if I can continue, and she accepts with a smile. Another year passes. I'm 19 soon, 20 now and I am happy. My life's going great, I have worked with Cynthia and have been helping me alot with my bow skills and I continue to play music. She even managed to get me into playing in an inn every night, and I love it and the people love it. One day a guard walks into the smith, I freeze up as I see him. It's Thor. He is looking at swords. I gulp as he turns around and sees me too, “well well well”. He puts a sword on the table, “so you work here now” I look at him and swallow hard and nod. “That will be 50 gold coins”, he smiles and reminds me of what i did and threatens me. Before he takes it and leaves, which means I have to pay for it. I put 50 gold coins into the chest. Cynthia has seen it all, and we have a talk. I tell her the whole story, she hugs me. And tells me that we will just forget about it, and that it's not worth picking a fight with the guards over it. Another 6 months pass, as I work and people start to know me, and come alot into the smith it has become a place to hang out for some people. Where they can chat and buy stuff. I have turned 20 now, it's a big day and as I get to work. The guard jumps me and chains me down, Thor is standing there and reading up my accusations of being a thief, breaking the rules of the church and deserves to hang. Cynthia looks at me, and tries to talk her way out of it for me, but Thor is not budging. And they take me to the church, after a while the priest comes. They decide to take me to the caves where they can properly please the gods, they move me at night. And get me into this cell, they are not holy they are a cult. Planning to sacrifice me to their gods, they told me that my mom has been tossed out on the streets and Cynthia is facing charges. So that brings me to the end of my letter, of how I failed everyone. Just never do as I did, because of me people are hurt. I am sorry for getting the wrong sword, I am sorry mom for being a useless son and I'm sorry Cynthia you should never have given me a chance. I am ready now, to pay for my sins. This will be updated as the campaing goes on <3

[sevenpabosandabunchoffans]

A Look Into the Future

Characters: Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook, Original Characters, Park Chanyeol

Words: 3339

Genre: Parents!Namjin, Preschool Director!Jin, Daddy!Yoongi, Orchestra Conductor!Yoongi, Computer Repairman!Hoseok, College Student!Jimin, College Student!Taehyung, College Student!Jungkook

Warnings: lots of fluff

Summary: “What do they end up doing with their life? Like what does Jungkook decide to do for a job?”; “I need to know how Jimin has been in college. What is he studying?”; “Like I LOVE and ADORE your fic so fucking much it would always be a delight to read new things about and especially about Hoseok’s future? Or at least an update of course! And even more what they all look like in the future BUT DAMN I WOULD READ EVERYTHING ANYTIME”; A look into what the boys choose to study in college and what they choose as a career; Time Period - Jungkook’s first day of college; Ages: Jin - 40, Namjoon - 39, Chanyeol - 23, Yoongi - 23, Sophia - 23, Hoseok - 22, Jimin - 20, Taehyung - 20, Jungkook - 18, Gabriella - 18, Sammie - 4, Chloe - 2 months

A/N: A lot of people were really interested in what each of the boys ended up doing with their lives, so here you go! I’ve also updated the masterlist with the name of another upcoming drabble. Hope you enjoy! <3

“And you’re doing okay down there with your brothers? I don’t need to come pack you up and bring you back home?” Namjoon playfully rolled his eyes as he shifted in the bed next to Jin, his phone resting in between the two as they spoke to Jungkook the night before his first day of college.

“Dad, it’s literally only been five days, I am fine.” Jungkook’s voice rang through the speaker, attempting to calm and assure Jin. “I gotta go, Jimin’s boyfriend made dinner for us. It’s Mexican night!”

Both Jin and Namjoon couldn’t help but to smile at how excited their youngest child sounded for food. “Alright, Kookie, I’ll call you tomorrow to see how your first day went.” In response, the couple heard the voices of their three youngest exclaiming into the phone that they missed them. “We miss you too!” Jin and Namjoon said one final goodbye before finally hanging up the phone. Jin sighed deeply, making Namjoon look at him. “What do we do now?” Jin looked at him sadly. “All of our babies are grown up and moved off.”

Namjoon scooted closer to Jin and wrapped his arm over his waist, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “You say that like we’ll never see them again.” Jin pouted, making Namjoon continue. “Yoongi lives just a few minutes away, and you see him almost every day when he goes to pick Sammie and Chloe up from the preschool. Hoseok lives just across town, and we both know that the twins and Jungkook plan on coming back as soon as they graduate.” Jin grumbled, obviously not wanting to admit that Namjoon was right. “Come on, we’re supposed to be happy that they all grew up to be good, responsible adults.”

Jin sighed dramatically. “I guess you’re right.” He turned to look at his husband of 15 years. “I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?” Namjoon asked, trailing a few soft kisses along Jin’s jaw.

“Get all logical with me.” Jin pouted more as Namjoon sat up.

“Looks like you need a distraction~” Before Jin could ask Namjoon what he meant, Namjoon was already maneuvering himself to fit between Jin’s legs, making Jin start to giggle as he spread his legs to accommodate him. “We still haven’t celebrated your promotion.” At the end of July, the director of the preschool notified the staff of her retirement, spending the first couple of weeks deciding who would be her successor. She eventually picked Jin, who everyone knew was the obvious choice as he had been working there the longest, and the next day would be his first official day as the director.

“That’s right, we haven’t. Someone’s slacking~” Jin teased, playfully smacking Namjoon’s shoulder before gladly welcoming his lips on his own.

“Morning, Daddy!” Sammie greeted as Yoongi entered the kitchen, still tucking his shirt in as he was running slightly behind that morning.

“Good morning, princess~” Yoongi stopped to kiss the top of his four-year old’s head before walking over to the counter to fix his own breakfast plate. Sophia was also at the counter, making a bottle for the newest addition to their family, two-month-old Chloe. “Thank you for making breakfast.” Yoongi lightly kissed his wife before tickling the bottom of Chloe’s foot. “And there’s the little noisemaker~” Chloe quirked her lips up in a toothless grin as Yoongi spoke to her. “Someone just didn’t want to sleep last night, did they?”

“I think she knows what’s coming for her today.” Sophia said as Yoongi took his plate and joined Sammie at the table to eat. Sophia was referring to how she would be taking Chloe to get her two-month shots that morning, something even she wasn’t looking forward to.

“Chloe’s a strong girl, I think she’ll be fine.” Yoongi assured Sophia as she sat down at the table with them to feed Chloe. As Yoongi finished his eggs, he noticed that Sammie was also done. “Come on, Sammie, it’s time to go brush our teeth~”

The preschool started to pout. “But it’s Bubble Guppies time!” Since they ate breakfast at home, Sophia went to the center a little later in the day with the two girls, allowing Sammie to watch an episode of her favorite show before she finished getting ready each morning.

“I know, baby, but Daddy’s gonna take you to school today, remember?” Sophia was quick to explain before Sammie could get too upset. “I gotta take baby sister to the doctor.”

“Oh yeah~” Sammie said as if she had just remembered then climbed out of her chair and followed Yoongi to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

After getting both their brushes prepared, Yoongi looked down at his daughter. “You ready?” Sammie nodded definitively and put her pink Little Mermaid toothbrush in her mouth, observing her dad closely to mimic his movements as he brushed his teeth. Each time he spit into the sink, he would then step back and pick Sammie up, so she could spit too, setting her back on the floor to continue brushing. When they were finally done, he crouched down in front of her. “Let me see those teeth~” Sammie smiled widely for her dad, who immediately began to praise. “Wow, those are the cleanest teeth I’ve seen! Any cleaner and you would blind me!” Sammie giggled as Yoongi stood back up. “Okay, go get your backpack now~” The preschooler ran off to her room while Yoongi walked into Chloe’s nursery where Sophia was changing the infant. “Please wish me luck~” Yoongi whined, wrapping his arms around Sophia from behind and burying his face in her shoulder.

“Why?” Sophia asked, turning around to face him after fastening the clean diaper and making sure Chloe wasn’t in danger of rolling over and off of the changing table.

“The beginners are playing their instruments for the first time today.” Unlike his younger brothers, who were still in college, the school year for Yoongi began the previous week (earlier if one counted his teacher work days), and after spending one week teaching the sixth graders the proper way to hold their bows and the basics of their instruments, it was time to actually begin teaching them to play.

“Oh, you poor baby~” Sophia indulged him by wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug.

“I’m serious! If I had to pick something I hated about my job, besides the lack of budget the school district gives to the orchestra program, it would be this day.”

“I know, I’m being serious, too~” Sophia failed at holding in her laughter, so she chose to lean up and press their lips together to muffle it.

“I’m ready to go!” The couple pulled away as their oldest daughter ran into the room with her backpack and shoes already on, and on the right feet.

“Look at you, putting your shoes on all by yourself!” Sophia praised as she picked Chloe up from the changing table. “Come give me and Chloe bye hugs~” The four-year-old listened and ran to her mother, accepting a kiss from her then leaning in and giving Chloe a kiss herself.

“When will you be at school?” Sammie had gotten extremely used to both her mother and grandfather teaching her class, and her four-year-old mind was worried about what would happen without her mom there.

“Don’t worry, Sammie, I’ll be there just in time to read our story.” Sophia assured her before giving her one more kiss. “Love you~” She told the girl before standing up and giving her husband a bye kiss. “And I love you~”

Yoongi responded with another kiss before taking Sammie’s hand and leading her out of the house, both of them yelling goodbyes over their shoulder.

Hoseok exited his apartment with his bag and, after checking the email on his phone one more time just to confirm he had the right address in mind, walked over to the staircase to go one floor up, still shocked that the client lived in his complex.

After graduating with his Associate Degree in Computer Information Systems Technology, Hoseok started freelancing his repair services to have some form of income as he applied for IT jobs at various places. Now two years later, he’d decided to stick with the self-employment route as he realized people were willing to pay him more than what he had been offered from the few companies that had called him in for an interview.

He finally arrived at the correct apartment and knocked on the door. The door opened and Hoseok immediately found himself feeling flustered as he forced himself to keep his gaze from falling on the young woman’s bare legs. “A-are you, uh, Gabriella?”

“Yes, you must be Hoseok, hi, come on in!” Gabriella rushed out, stepping to the side to let Hoseok into her apartment. “My laptop is right in here on the coffee table.” She directed him to sit on her couch and showed him her laptop. “It’s just been glitching and crashing on me every few minutes, which is extremely inconvenient for me because I just started classes at UACCM last week, and the second week of school is not a good time for my computer to stop working, and I was just gonna take it to best buy, but then one of my friend’s brothers, apparently he was a classmate of yours or something, recommended you to me, so I thought why not, and now I’m rambling.” Hoseok held back a chuckle at the young woman as she looked down at her legs. “And I just realized I’m not wearing any pants, excuse me for just a second.” She ran off to what Hoseok assumed to be her bedroom, and he finally did let out a small laugh, simultaneously releasing the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

While Gabriella was gone, Hoseok began playing around with the laptop in front of him, trying to find the source of the issue. When Gabriella returned, now sporting a pair of jeans, Hoseok immediately stood up and looked at her. “Just from initial observations it seems like it might take me a few days to find the issue and resolve it.” Gabriella’s face fell, and Hoseok rushed to apologize to her. “I’ll try to get it done as fast as I can, but I do have other clients, so it might take a while. If you’re okay with me taking it with me…”

“Oh, yeah, go ahead~” Gabriella nodded and gathered the power cord for him as he gently placed her laptop in his bag. “I’ll just use the computer lab on campus and try to stay ahead of my work until it’s done.”

“There is good news to this.” Hoseok offered. “I live just one floor down, so I can bring it right up as soon as it’s fixed.”

“Oh, I might not be home, though~” Gabriella said. “I also work in Morrilton when I’m not in class, so I don’t get home until late. But I can give you my number and you can call me when it’s fixed, then I can pick it up from your place when I get home.”

Hoseok nodded in agreement. “That sounds good.” He pulled a notepad and pen out of his bag and handed it to Gabriella, so she could write her number down. “I will, hopefully, talk to you in a few days.”

“Yeah, thanks, Hoseok.” Gabriella walked him to the front door and waved before closing it behind him.

Jungkook sat at the bar counter of his new apartment that he shared with his older brothers, sleepily shoveling spoonfuls of oatmeal into his mouth. He looked up when he heard someone enter the room, seeing Taehyung shuffling his way into the kitchen. “Why does my first class have to be at 8:30?” Jungkook complained, dropping his spoon back into his bowl so he could slump over the counter.

Taehyung shrugged. “You’re the one who scheduled it~” He responded as he pulled a box of mini blueberry muffins out of the cabinet.

Jungkook shook his head. “I didn’t even have the choice! It was the only time available and it’s a required class.” He picked his spoon back up but froze when he realized something. “Wait, I thought your first class wasn’t until later.”

“It’s not.” Taehyung answered, sticking one of the muffins in his mouth whole. “But I’m expecting a call and I wanted to make sure I was awake for it.” He spoke around his mouthful of food.

A few minutes later, Jimin came out with his backpack and dance bag. “See you later, guys~”

“Woah, woah, woah~” Jungkook called out, making Jimin stop. “I know you’re not planning on walking out of here without breakfast.”

Jimin turned back around to face his brothers. “Guys, don’t worry, I’m meeting Chanyeol at Louie’s for a breakfast date before my ballet class. I’m not skipping breakfast, trust me.”

“We do,” Taehyung assured him. “We were just making sure.” He picked up another muffin but dropped it as his phone started to ring. “Hey, how’d your appointment go?” He asked the second he answered it, running back to his bedroom for privacy.

“Hey, when are you having lunch?” Jimin asked Jungkook.

“I have, like, an hour break between my first two classes at around 11:30~” Jungkook answered before taking another bite of his oatmeal.

“You’ll probably get out early since it’s the first day. I’m done for the day at 10:30, and I know Taehyung gets out around 11:30 too, so just text us when you get done, then we can meet up for lunch. I’m thinking Cane’s. That sound good to you?”

“Oh, definitely~” Jungkook responded enthusiastically, already getting excited for what he had decided was his new favorite restaurant after his brothers took him to eat there for dinner the night he moved in.

“Great, see you later. Have a good first day~” Jimin walked over and ruffled the 18-year old’s hair before finally leaving the apartment.

Not much later, Jimin was sitting across from his boyfriend of nearly two years at Louie’s café as they had their orders taken. “I would like a Spanish omelet, please.”

As Jimin handed his menu to the waiter, Chanyeol stated his own order. “And I would like the number three combo with pancakes, fried eggs, and bacon.” The couple thanked the waiter as he walked off. “So, you excited for this semester?” Chanyeol took Jimin’s small hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over the smooth skin.

“Well, I finally get to start my core social work classes, so that’ll be a nice breather from all the boring gen ed classes.” Jimin answered honestly, letting himself be lulled to total relaxation from the way Chanyeol had now moved on to massaging his fingers.

“I remember a certain someone constantly gushing over their sociology classes last semester.” Chanyeol teased his younger boyfriend.

“Yeah, those were the non-boring gen ed classes.” Jimin retorted. “What about you, Mr. Almost-Done-With-My-Masters?”

Chanyeol chuckled at Jimin’s attempt at teasing him before answering, now abandoning playing with Jimin’s fingers in favor of intertwining their fingers together. “Well, I have a meeting with my professor today to review my thesis project so far, and then I was hoping to treat my adorable boyfriend to lunch and maybe a cuddle session.”

Jimin sighed. “I told Jungkook that we’d have lunch together today.” Chanyeol pouted, looking absolutely adorable in Jimin’s eyes. “Buuuuut…” Chanyeol looked hopeful at this, “…after lunch, Jungkook will be in class until 6:30, and then Taehyung has class from 2:30-4:00, so if you possibly wanted to come over for some cuddling, or even a little more…” Jimin trailed off, just looking at his boyfriend.

A smile spread across Chanyeol’s face as he leaned in to lightly press his lips to Jimin’s nose, making the 20-year-old scrunch it up. “That sounds great.”

After the couple finished their breakfast, they exited the restaurant and began the trek back to campus. Thankfully the Music & Dramatic Arts Building wasn’t too far, so Jimin didn’t worry too much about being late for his ballet class. They stopped outside the building and Jimin didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “Thank you for buying me breakfast~” He went up on his tiptoes, but Chanyeol still had to bend down for their lips to meet.

“You are most certainly welcome~” Chanyeol said as soon as they parted. “I’ll come by your apartment a little before 2:00, okay?”

Jimin nodded and leaned up for another kiss. “Bye~” He whispered against Chanyeol’s lips before molding them together again, teasing his boyfriend by allowing him to swipe his tongue against his bottom lip before pulling away fully. “Gotta go!” He said cheerfully before bounding away, knowing that Chanyeol was probably already planning on how to get back at him later.

“Hey, Taehyung~” Taehyung looked up from where he was scrolling through Twitter on his laptop and saw Alyssa, someone he remembered from freshman year. “We’re having a party this weekend, you should totally come.”

Taehyung politely smiled at her as memories from the last time the two of them were at a party together raced through his mind. “Sorry, but I can’t~”

“You haven’t been to a party since freshman year!” Alyssa exclaimed.

“Yeah, I’m kind of trying to focus on my grades right now.” Taehyung responded. “Wanna make sure I get into OT school.”

“I can respect that.” Alyssa said. “But if you ever wanna get together in some other way-“

“I’m taken now.” Taehyung cut her off.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” She looked guilty over hitting on him.

Taehyung gave her a friendly smile. “It’s okay.”

Alyssa smiled back as she stood up to go back to where she was originally sitting before seeing Taehyung in the same class as her. “Well, I’ll see you around.”

An hour later, Taehyung was sitting at a booth at Raising Cane’s with his brothers, each of them with a chicken strip basket in front of them. “So, Jungkook, how’s your day been so far?”

“Well, I’ve only had one class, but it’s been great so far!” Jungkook picked up a French fry and dipped it in the special Cane’s sauce. “My professor right off the bat asked us to draw something simple just so he could get a feel for everyone’s style, and he complimented me on mine and even asked if he could use it as an example for the entire class. I’m hoping my other art classes today will be just as great.”

“I’m sure they will, Kookie. You’re an amazing artist!” Jimin praised his younger brother as he grabbed the ketchup bottle.

“I’m also really excited for my art history class tomorrow.” Jungkook continued on.

When there was a lull in the conversation, Jimin turned to Taehyung. “By the way, Tae, you might wanna call when you get out of class later, just to make sure it’s safe to come home.”

Taehyung groaned. “Dude, remember our rule about no sexiling!”

“I’m not sexiling you!” Jimin defended himself. “Chanyeol’s not coming over until around the time you leave for class, so you won’t even be home!”

“Just use protection,” was Jungkook’s only comment on the matter as the two 20-year olds began to bicker about the issue at hand. As they continued on, Jungkook glanced at his watch. “I gotta go to class now, see you guys later~”

The twins paused in their quarrel long enough to tell their younger brother goodbye before returning to the matter at hand. “The whole point of you calling is so that we’ll know to wrap it up before you get home!”

Taehyung huffed. “I guess I should be thankful that you warned me instead of letting me walk into it like last time.”

“You said you would be at the library until after midnight!” And thus, started a whole new argument between the two.

Request Drabbles!

[formerlyjannafaye]

100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha! 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me! 

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style. 

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

[suga-jusshi]

BTS Reaction to Them Being Stressed

Kim Namjoon:

Namjoon had a very stressful day at practice. He just couldn't seem to get the moves down for their new choreography. He felt as if he was holding the group back or as if he wasn't enough. Usually it wouldn't take him this long to get a dance down. It didn’t help that the boys were pushing at him to get it right because they had a performance soon. He was beyond stressed and just wanted to go home and lie down. When he walked through the door, he took his shoes off and dropped his bag. He plopped down on the couch and rested his head on your lap. You could tell by his quietness that he had a stressful day. “Bad Day?” you asked him, running your hands through his hair to calm him. “I can’t get the dance right and I feel like I’m slowing down the group. I’ve never had this much trouble learning a dance Jagi...” he paused for a second then said, “...what’s wrong with me?” he asked. Your heart tinged with sadness at his words. It hurt you to see him so stressed and worried. “Nothing is wrong with you Joon. You had a bad day that's all.” you paused for a moment. “How about this. Why don't you go take a shower and when you’re done we can cuddle and watch your favorite movies. Sound good?” He lifted himself from your lap and a small smile spread across his face. “That sounds amazing Jagi. How did I get so lucky to have someone like you in my life? I love you Y/N.” You smiled back at him and pulled him into a short yet passionate kiss. “I love you too Joonie.” He got up and went to take his shower and like you promised, you two ended the night with cuddles and movies.

Kim Seokjin:

Jin was beyond upset today. He had been working on a solo song for the new album and he had put his all into this song. When he presented it to the managers they continuously shot it down and told him to redo it and make the lyrics “ more relatable”. He couldn't help but think to himself that the song wasn't supposed to be relatable it was supposed to tell a story, his story. He worked endlessly to try and perfect the song but it just kept getting shot down. He decided to go home and see if he could work on it there. He packed up his stuff and went home. Meanwhile you were in the middle of straightening up your guys’ apartment when you heard him walk through the door with a loud sigh. “Are you okay Jinnie?” you asked as you hugged him. He let out another long sigh and hugged you back. “They want me to redo my solo song to make it more “relatable”.” he said moving to the table and setting his stuff up. You could tell he was stressed so you decided to leave him be for a little bit so he could get his work done with no distractions. About 20 minutes later you heard a loud bang and a groan. You got up and walked into the kitchen to see what happened. The sight in front of you broke your heart. Jin had his head in his hands, papers strewn all across the table, some crumpled. You walked over to him and gently pulled his arm to stand him up. Once he was standing, you pulled him into a hug. As soon as he hugged you back, you felt him tighten his grip around your waist. “I can’t do it Y/N. Why are my songs never good enough? Why am I never good enough? Everyone else’s songs got approved but mine didn’t. Am I that bad of a song writer?” You could feel the sorrow and hurt in his words. It hurt you to see him like this. “No baby. Your songs are great. You are great. And who cares about everyone else. Stop comparing yourself to them. You are wonderful. I don't ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth ever again. Okay?” He nodded at your words. “Now sit down. We are going to finish this song and make them regret ever shooting it down in the first place.” He looked at you in surprise. “Jagi you don't have to help me. I can do-” you cut him off. “Ah no no no. I'm helping you whether you like it or not.” He smiled at you and pulled you in for a kiss. ‘I love this girl. How did I get so lucky?’ You guys ended up finishing the song within an hour and the next day he called you to tell you it was approved.

Min Yoongi:

Yoongi had had a very long day at the studio and to say that he was stressed was an understatement. He was beyond stressed over this new beat for the boys newest song that was coming out soon. He just couldn't seem to get it to sound right. He’d been trying all day and he was tired. He looked at his phone and saw a text from you saying “Don't over work yourself, I love you.” He smiled and realized he should probably be heading home seeing as it was close to 11pm. He packed up all his stuff and went home. When he walked through the door, he noticed you watching tv. Instead of saying hi like he usually does he just walked straight to the your shared bedroom. He was tired and stressed and didn't feel like talking about it. He laid on the bed and closed his eyes. You had noticed all of this and thought of it to be a bit weird. You could feel the atmosphere in the apartment was a bit off. You had come to the conclusion that he had had a bad day and didn't want to talk about it. So when you walked in the room and laid on the bed with him, that's exactly what you did, was not talk about it. In fact you guys didn't talk at all. You had snuggled up to him and he noticed this. He pulled you in closer and let his hand rest on your waist. You drew shapes and patterns on his chest because you knew it calmed him down. He felt bad for not saying hello to you when he came home and felt you were probably wondering what was wrong with him even though you didn't ask. “Sorry for not saying hi when I came in.” He looked down at you. “It’s okay babe. You don't need to apologize.” You said snuggling up closer to him. “I know, I just had a stressful day. I couldn't get a beat right for a song and I have to have it by the end of the week and-” you put your finger on his mouth to shush him. “Yoongi you don't need to explain. I know you had a stressed day. I appreciate you telling me but I don't want you stressing yourself out even more by worrying about it. I know you’re tired so why don't we go watch a movie and I’ll make us something to eat while you relax.” You said getting up and pulling him off the bed and into the kitchen with you. He sat at the table and watched you as you began cooking. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. He got up and walked behind you and hugged you. He nuzzled his face into the space between your shoulder and neck. “I love you Y/N. I'm so glad you are in my life. I don't know where I’d be without you.” He said and kissed your neck. You turned around and kissed his lips passionately. “I love you too Yoongi. And I'm glad you’re in my life too.” You two finished cooking and sat in the living room and watched all your favorite movies, eventually falling asleep in each others arms.

Jung Hoseok:

You had decided to visit Hoseok at the studio today. You had prepared a nice lunch for the two of you and brought it with you. When you walked into the Big Hit building you heard music coming from down the hall. You immediately started walking in the direction of the music. You ended up in front of the boys’ dance room. You saw Hoseok teaching some of the boys a dance he had worked on for a long time. You opened the door and walked in managing to go unnoticed by him. You walked over to Tae, Yoongi, and Jimin who were watching your boyfriend teach. “Oh hey Y/N. I didn't know you were coming by today.” Tae said and got up to hug you along with Yoongi and Jimin. “It was supposed to be a surprise visit.” you laughed and took the seat next to Tae. “So why aren't you guys dancing with the rest of them?” you asked watching the others dance. “Because we learned this when he first made it.” Yoongi said eyeing the bag of food in your hand. You noticed this and handed him the bag. “Just save some for Hobi and me.” As soon as you said that you heard a loud no and turned to see your boyfriend scolding Jungkook about messing up. You felt bad for the poor kid and decided to intervene. You walked over to where they were and saw that Jungkook had noticed you and you could see him relax a bit knowing you had come to the rescue. You stood behind Hoseok. “ Jagiya.” You whined and caused him to turn around. He smiled when he saw you. “Hi baby.” He pulled you into a hug and tried to go in for a kiss but you pulled away. He looked at you confused, wondering why you pulled away. You walked over to Jungkook and gave him a quick hug. You turned to Hobi again and pouted. “Why are you yelling at my sweet Kookie.” He laughed and pulled you towards him again. “Because he messed up and it was clear to me he hasn't  been practicing.” He glared over to Kookie. You guided his face to look at you. “Hobi I know you’re stressed baby, but don't take it out on the poor kid. Why don't you all take a 30 minute break and calm down then try it again.” Hoseok nodded and the boys sighed in relief and walked over to where the food was. “Can I have my kiss now Jagi?” He asked with a smile. “Of course.” You leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the lips and started walking away. “Uh uh you’re not getting away that easily.” Hoseok pulled you back towards him and gave you a long and passionate kiss. “Oh god. Get a room.” You turned and saw the boys looking at you with mock disgust. “Yah! Didn’t I tell you to save us some?!” you yelled at Yoongi. He started laughing but quickly stopped when you started chasing him. Hoseok just watched you two and laughed.

Park Jimin:

“Chim Chim.” You called for the 3rd time that night. Jimin had been typing away at his computer for hours and you just wanted him to relax a little and pay attention to you. It seems like nowadays you guys spend less and less time together because of his hectic schedule. He sighed and shut his computer. He got up and walked towards the kitchen to get something to drink. You followed him and called his name again. “Jagi.” He set his glass of water down and turned around. “What Y/n?” You knew he was stressed, hence as to why he was using your name instead of his usual pet names for you. You walked over to him and took his hands in yours. “I know you’re stressed baby and I know you’ve been busy lately, but tonight is the one night that we are both home early and you know we don't get those often. I just want to spend a little time with you without you being on your computer or phone.” Your face turned into a sad expression as you were talking. Jimin noticed and came up with a plan to make you fell better. He let go of your hands and walked away towards the living room. You sat in the chair beside you and felt as if he didn't hear a word you said. Around 20-25 minutes later Jimin walked back in the kitchen and grabbed your hand, pulling you up and walking you into the living room. You were surprised by what was in front of you. Jimin made a bed by pushing the two couches together and had all types of snacks and drinks on the table in from of the “bed”. You noticed they were from his secret stash of snacks that he hid from the boys when they came over. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. I never meant to neglect you princess. I was just so caught up in work and I know that's no excuse but I never want you to feel like I'm not paying attention to you. I will definitely make more time for the two of us. I'm sorry and I love you Jagi.” You teared up a bit and pulled him close to you and gave him the most passionate kiss you two have had. “ I love you too Park Jimin and I always will. Now, lets watch some movies.” You laughed as you pulled him onto the “bed” with you. You two spent the remainder of the night goofing around and watching movies.

Kim Taehyung:

Tae had been playing Overwatch all morning and you were tired of hearing his groans and complaints. you had been trying to study for this upcoming test and he was distracting you. Granted you knew you would do good on the test but a little extra studying couldn't hurt. He groaned and yelled at the tv for the 20th time in the last 10 minutes and that's when you decided to get up and go check on him. You see him sitting on the couch, controller on the floor, headset around his neck, and his face in his hands. “Did you die again babe?” He looked up and nodded his head. “This game is stressing me out but I really wanna beat this level.” You went and sat on his lap. “Tae give it a rest. You’ve been playing all morning. Why don't we go do something?” He looked at you and thought about his choices. “But babe I really wanna beat this level.” He pleaded with you. “TaeTae please...for me?” You gave him the puppy dog eyes and the signature pout that he could never say no to. “Okay okay, you win Y/N.” He said with a laugh. “What do you wanna go do Jagi?” He asked as he rested his arms on your waist. “Hmmm... How about we go get ice cream?” His face perked up at the mention of ice cream. You figured you both needed a break so why not. You two got your ice cream and went on a nice walk around the park. Somehow you ended up coming home with a new puppy. You weren’ t surprised seeing as a bunch of crazy things happen when you’re with Tae. But you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. He was the love of your life and you were his and he made sure you knew that everyday.

Jeon Jungkook:

“Babe I was there I saw the performance, you did amazing.” Currently you and Jungkook were at the boys’ hotel room. they had just got done performing and in your mind him and the boys couldn't have looked better. But to Kookie he though he didn't put as much energy in it as he thought he could've. He though that he made the performance looked bad because of him and now he was stressing over something that he shouldn’t be. ‘He already has enough to stress about with the tour he doesn't need all this extra stress on his plate.’ you thought. “No Y/N. I didn't do as good as I could've. I should've done more but I didn't and the performance looked bad because of me.” He was walking around the room while you sat on the bed and just watched him. You had watched him pace for about five minutes before you finally got up and stepped in front of him. You grabbed his face to make him look at you. He avoided eye contact. “Kookie look at me.” His eyes slowly made their way towards yours. “You did amazing. I was there I saw it all. You guys did better than ever. I cant explain how proud I was of you guys. Especially you. My amazing, wonderful, handsome, sweet, caring boyfriend. You shined up on that stage and I’m pretty sure the fans would agree with me too. So stop doubting yourself.” He looked at you and smiled. he pulled you in for a kiss but you stopped him midway. “Just let me say this one thing then you can kiss me. You always tell me and the ARMYs to love ourselves and believe in ourselves but how can we if the ones that we love don't do it themselves? You always doubt yourself when you shouldn’t. You are amazing at what you do. So promise me you’ll start believing in yourself more.” He looks at you with a tear in his eye. He quickly wiped it and smiled at you. “I promise I will baby. I love you so much. I don't know what I would do without you. You are my rock. My bestfriend. My soulmate. My everything. And I will always do my best to please you and make you happy.” Now it was your turn to cry. He always had a way with his words to make your heart flutter. But you knew he meant everything he said. Jungkook leaned in and right before he was going to kiss you he stopped. “Can I kiss you now Jagi?” You laughed and leaned up to press your guys’ lips together in a passionate kiss. you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for Tae’s being so short I couldn’t think of anything else to write.

But I hope you guy’s enjoy this. I spent a lot of time writing it.

Gifs are not mine. Credits to the owners

~Cierra

[fizzingwizard]

Just venting about work...

At my job, we are supposed to have an hour break and an hour of prep. An hour break is generous and an hour prep is woefully inadequate, so prep bleeds into break all the time. I’ve never taken an hour break. It’s usually 10 or 15 min, 30 when I can.

However, our schedule changes daily and this break/prep time is NOT consecutive. It’s 15 min off duty here, 30 min off there, etc. Which makes getting anything done during that down time really difficult - as soon as you set up, it’s time to break down. Then you have to do it again later when your next off duty block shows up.

We are also perpetually understaffed. Most schools in our company have at least 2 of my type of class divided by age level, and at least two, but usually three, teachers per class. My school? Has 1 class of combined ages (complicating things immensely!) with three teachers, one of whom works 10-7, one who is part time and works 9:30-3, and then me, who works 9-5. This means that there are times of day when I am the only teacher of my age group around, or my coworker is, so there’s no choice but to put us on the duty schedule during those times. In other words, those are popular break times for other teachers, but we have to be on duty because there’s no one else. (It also means there’s no one to share the load for school event planning so I’m a leader for every, single. event. 1 hour of prep a day during which I have to prep, grading, cleaning, organizing, lesson planning, prop making, and event planning... HOW??)

And on top of that, I have never to my memory actually had a full 2 hours prep/break time on my schedule. Never. The longest is 1 hr 45, which is close - but that’s rare. On a regular day, it’s 1.5 hrs, or 1 hour 15 min. On days when another teacher calls out sick and we can’t get a sub, or on days when we have parent meetings or after school classes, and I have to pick up the slack, I might have 1 hour.

And on top of the top of that - meetings run long, the teacher supposed to take over for your shift before you go on break is late, etc, all these things add up and... for example, yesterday I was off literally 40 min the entire day. 10 min in the morning (was supposed to be 15, meeting ran long), 15 in the afternoon (was supposed to be 30 but the teacher who made the scheduled goofed and no one was available to cover a 30 min block, so me and another teacher split it), and 15 min in the afternoon (again was supposed to be 30 but the teachers supposed to take over my duty showed up 15 min late because her class had run long).

And that’s the end of a week of days just like that - only one day this week did I have a normal off duty schedule, and three times during the week I was on duty for 2 hours non stop in the afternoon (a shift that is not coveted!)

Whether normal or crunch time, I am on my feet all day. My legs ache so much at the end of the day. I look after really young kids who need a lot of supervision, and if I so much as look away to sneeze at the wrong time, it could spell disaster. It’s really hard sometimes. I joke that right now I’m working harder at this job than at any other yet getting paid the least of any job I’ve had - but it’s not really a joke. That is the situation. In spite of that, I like this job soooo much more than my others. I am an involved teacher and have a close daily relationship with all my kids. I love that I’m the one who can calm them down. I love joking and playing with them. I love planning our activities and lessons. If you asked me even a couple years ago whether I’d ever want to teach this age long term, I’d have said no. Now, I’m finding it so fulfilling every day.

As you might imagine, I work overtime a lot. TBH, I should be doing it even more, for better quality. But I also have 1.5 hour commute that is sometimes 2 hours especially in the evening, and I tend to pass out after dinner so. I find it difficult to feel like I’m not already working really hard. But there’s always something left to do. It drives me crazy. I worried that it was just me, but my coworkers as well are feeling this way.

We were told that we were going to get a new teacher to help with the burden. They were supposed to come in September... then October... now it’s mid-Sep and we have heard absolutely nothing. They should be showing up for training if they’re going to start in October. We area all extremely skeptical. My personal take is, the company didn’t budget for hiring new teachers during the year at all... we have another teacher going on maternity leave so she needs a replacement, and our situation might be tight, but it’s not as impossible as not having a teacher at all. So that’s how things stand at the moment.

So that’s all stressful but mostly exhausting. I feel like the stress is a lot less than it was when I started the job (thank goodness) and that gives me confidence. But what I really need is to cut down on the exhaustion. I want to spend more time with my bf on the weekends but I tend to drag myself out to see him because I’m so tired. I want to go on hikes but my feet hurt every day. I’ve always been a homebody and an introvert so it’s not like I was super active before, but I definitely did more on my own volition, and most of all, I wasn’t so damn tired. (I mean, I’m also not 20 anymore x’D gotta factor that in too...)

Anyway, as bad as I feel sometimes... I also feel like I can’t complain. Because my schedule probably isn’t as bad as some others. For example, my Japanese coworkers are required to work an hour longer than me. I believe they also get paid less (paid less for more work - international teachers in Japan, this is very often the case for your Japanese coworkers! It was like that at my previous job as well. I don’t know what the reason is - they work a lot of overtime too that they don’t get paid for - they do sometimes get sizable bonuses that some say make up for the salary difference but... idk, it’s all sketchy and weird). So if I complain about my salary, it feels selfish, even though the salary I’m getting is barely sustainable for me as someone who lives alone with no dependents. And if I complain about the amount of time I work or the amount of responsibilities I have, there are people with more of both. Even if coworkers would agree with me, I feel like it’s only gonna make me look weak if I voice my complaints.

Things I love about my job - all the things I mentioned before about my students, as well as the fact that my coworkers are upbeat and team players and very helpful. We all support each other a lot. There’s no brow-beating if you have to stay home sick. It sucks - it does - because of being understaffed, but no one talks badly about you like in some other jobs I’ve had here in Japan. We don’t get sick leave, but at least people understand that sickness is a thing that happens. Generally I feel respected and like I can respect my coworkers. And I feel like everyone really cares about the kids and wants to give them a great school experience. We’re not just coasting by. It’s helped me to think a lot about the importance of work culture. I feel encouraged and inspired to do more for my students because others around me are doing the same with theirs. It’s so different from the eikaiwa where no one really gave a damn about anything. (Except the managers, about money.)

That’s why I don’t want to leave. I wish I could go into every detail because there are sooo many other things driving me up the wall every day that seem like they should never have happened or should be high on the to-fix list... but the to-fix list is extremely long. And it means something to me that, in spite of all that, I still like it here and want to stay. Like, that means something’s going very right, in spite of all the wrong.

And adulthood really is just being tired all the time, I think that’s true for all adults unless you’re just really blessed with an abundance of energy. Caffeine is popular for a reason. It is the hardest pill for me to swallow because everyone seems to expect me to have all these interesting things to say and I’m like, “I just work, eat, and sleep... "

We had a part-time worker in the spring who unfortunately quit. While she was there things were sooo much more manageable. Just one part time worker... If my job could just give us that, I would be so much happier. But it seems like asking too much. I wish I had a coworker to talk to and share opinions but I’m worried about that being seen as weak or selfish thing. You never know what they’ll say at a performance review. (Not that we get those. When you can’t afford to hire anyone new, you can’t really afford to fire over small things either.)

Bah!

[srlkiller]

today was a lot. i had a 1on1 therapy thing that was supposed to be like an INTRO TO UR RECOVERY WOO!!! LETS GET UR MENTAL HEALTH IN CONTROL!!! But instead it turned into me having 4 panic attacks constantly crying while venting to a social worker in a room w no air con for 2 hours about ‘how my month has been’ and ‘why i haven’t been attending any of my group therapy?’ well sue sweetie.. u asked me…n boy did i give u the answer ur career as a social worker has been WAITING 4!! then i got my 1st covid shot & briefly spoke to my doctor who was rude asf so i was like ok today fucked. Centrelink also called me and told me wrong info which fucked me over. then i see my dad calling and im like OFC HE IS!!massive fight as per n he hangs up but then continues via text bc hes petty asf.

BUT not as petty as my mom bc that is literally how the fight started. bc of her. like this bitch omg. she purposely runs off to my dad and tells him every little thing i do ‘wrong’ bc she knows his temper and how afraid i am of him due to past events so she uses him to basically do her dirty work for her n ‘scare me’. like that’s how manipulative and fucked up she is in the head. she made up a whole ass lie and told my dad that i said to my mom the only reason i was trying to stay in contact with my dad was so that i remain in his will as like the sole beneficiary or whatever….. how sick and twisted must you be to lie to someone directly in their face about something so serious INVOLVING UR OWN CHILD that you share with that person????? i would NEVER! say that about my dad. EVER. this happened months ago btw. as soon as i spoke about it w my dad and i was like “what.. dad i would never say that you know i don’t give a fuck about money like that i don’t care about your will why would i even be thinking about your will?” he was like wait actually that’s fucked up ur right. It was actually HER who made that comment. she got my dad to go and fix fencing at my nans house for free (using him) n my dad mentioned he had a girlfriend. my mum came home & SAID TO ME “u better hurry up and get in ur dads good books now that he has a gf.. before she gets a hold of his will and u end up w nothing” and i simply told her that my dad would never take me off his will regardless so why say that to me. once she got exposed she backtracked and was like “oh it was just a joke” & both my dad and I were both saying that even as a joke how is that funny? how does your mind even start to think in that way? how is this funny to you? then she flips it. her scripts are so repetitive now that ive caught on that i can actually predict what she’s gonna say before she opens her mouth. she manipulates u into thinking ur reality isn’t correct.. saying things like “ omg ur over reacting lol ur so dramatic no wonder no one takes u seriously in life, grow up, i have no idea what ur going on about, have u taken ur medication for the day, have u lost it, are u high on something?” like what in the fuck?

i never once mentioned anything about anyones will.. when i was younger i made the mistake obviously of telling her that my dad was leaving me his house. when my nans will was getting exposed she became overly obsessed w wills in general and changed hers. im guessing behind my back she has actually taken me off now but i don’t want her dirty ass money which is stolen from my accounts anyway. my nan left all her grandchildren a large sum of money that was supposed to be equally split among us, its now been over a year since my nan passed & i noticed a group text come up on my moms phone from her sisters talking about what they did for their children with that money. one of them paid off their entire hex debt so it must be a substantial amount. i have not seen a cent which means she has taken it for herself, put it in her name and placed it into a secret account without my knowledge. if it’s as much $ as i believe it is, this could seriously help me move out and better my situation which she constantly tells me she wants me to get the fuck out ect. yet you are holding the key to the door in ur hand? that’s twisted and very sick. they fought for a year over my nans money and all i asked for was an old XXXX gold stubby holder that was my grandads bc it was very sentimental to me. instead, they chose to have a garage sale and sold all of my nans things and sold that stubby holder to a random person for 20 cents………. i was in shock when i found out.. and they laughed and were like get over it omg it’s just a stubby holder you can just buy another one. these people are so fucked up but they all made me feel like i was losing my mind my whole life. money isn’t shit without sentiment. i could have given you 20 cents if you need that shit so bad. im only attached partially to these evil ass roaches by some genetics but to me none of them are my family. not once have i ever felt cared for, loved, accepted, safe or happy in their presence. i am only ever wanted when they can gain something from me. that is not family. my grandad was big on family n my nan and my grandad are the only two people i claim as family from my moms side. my nans two blind siblings who i admired & adored + a few of my grandads siblings were the only ones who actually showed interest in getting to know me & didn’t look down on me in any way. i was never considered ‘less than’ or not good enough yet i was the family disappointment to my mom and her sisters. but they have never seen her like i see her. the way she acts in front of family is not the person i know. she’s very good at acting. the way she pretends to be a ‘mother’ in front of her own family is actually scary. she’s like the ultimate con artist except she’s too fucking dumb to actually scam people and get rich off of her ability to manipulate whoever she wants. what a shame ur not intelligent.. that sure must suck huh. my nan gave me that maternal love i never had from my mother and my grandad was always that man who held us all together as a unit. when he got sick everything changed and started to go down hill. they had to give up their entire property, his big beautiful garden and vegetables he was really passionate about, the horses and land ect. my nan planted a rose bush and it grew big and blossomed big red roses and she said this is for you, my little rachel rose 🌹 🥺 she said she wanted to take the whole ass bush w her and replant it 😂 but my grandad was like we are not taking a fucking huge ass rose bush w thorns in the car w us Gloria.. i only remembered this today during that therapy session and i hyperventilated so bad n just started crying.. bc i couldn’t believe my brain had blocked that memory for so long just to recover it now that she’s no longer here to share it with.

i can feel the love my dad has for me even when he’s temperamental.. you can see it in his face and his eyes. when i look at my mom i try desperately to find some sort of just fucking anything and… i see nothing. i can tell that she doesn’t feel anything. but she does for other children. just not me. so i know she isn’t a heartless bitch and is capable of emotions of all sorts.. but anything to do with me it’s almost like im invisible or she cannot see fault in her self. she cannot in any way accept anything she has ever done, she has never said the words ‘I’m sorry’ for anything ever in life involving me, she has stood by (literally stood and watched) while her own sisters verbally abused me as a minor calling me out my name AND one even texted my best friend at the time who was about 14 saying that i was a bitch. meaning my mom gave my aunt my friends number to text that message.. my friends mom was livid about this bc what grown ass woman texts a random 14 year old girl paragraphs of shit like that swearing at them and saying that their friend is a rude ungrateful bitch. her mom reacted as a mother should. as i would love my mother to stick up for me just once in life.. u kno.. ever? i still remember my first SUI attempt at like 16 after being abused and this person told me they were leaving and coming back so i had about a 10 min window of time and i panicked as any 16 young girl home alone would.. i called my mom for help bc ur parents are supposed to protect you. her wording was “well what did u do to make him hit you?” “you know that you deserved that”. i was in disbelief that she would react like that.. she was talking so calmly while i was crying hysterically having a panic attack telling her this man was coming back in 10 mins asking her to please help me.. and all she could say was.. “you probably deserved it”. ive never been the same since then tbh. im not blessed enough to be a parent yet, i may never be.. but i know for a fucking FACT that i would NEVER say any of the shit that she says to me to ANY child let alone MY OWN?!?

you had me at 36 years old. you had time to think about this and evaluate whether you thought you would be able to care for a child and make a good parent. If you “didn’t want to deal with me” then you had other options.. you could have sent me to foster care, you could have adopted me out, you could aborted me, shidddd you could have mf swallowed me bitch let’s be real. no, you chose to have a child. there’s no 18 year contract.. she loves to play that card. “UR AN ADULT NOW”, what about me makes me an adult, my age makes me an adult to you? yet you’ve kept me so childlike, so codependent & haven’t taught me basic life skills despite me asking to learn. like im deadass watching YouTube videos to teach myself basic ass life skills… that is sad as fuck. when im 48… guess what??? i am still your child and unfortunately for me!! you are STILL my parent. there’s no changing that bc you made that choice. you can’t just b like yeah i change my mind nvm i want to return it…… like that is really her attitude. i was born with a lot of health issues that have escalated a lot and only continue to get worse with age both mental and physical. guess what tho… if ur child is born with defects u don’t get to just b like omg ew i don’t want it now this one’s too difficult. like trust me.. if i was one of those lil sperm rn i am not about to fertilise u for NOTHING if this is the consequence I’d rather jus keep on swimming lmao.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

Skincare/ makeup culture ☕️

oooh. i’ll divide this post into two parts: makeup culture and skincare culture.

(1.) makeup culture.

i think everyone knows that I’ve never liked makeup, mostly because I had relatively bad cystic acne throughout high school, that reacted badly to all of the makeup that my sister used (but most particularly her l’oreal foundation). I think makeup culture is particularly harmful to young girls, like the makeup youtube channels that are run by the parents I suppose of 8 year olds, where the 8yo is the actual youtuber.

like don’t get me wrong, i know young girls like playing with makeup (I actually did when I was that age, funnily enough)….. but the fact that professional or just plain fucking ridiculously expensive makeup palettes are now being marketed to girls in bloody primary/grade/elementary school, is just fucking wrong. and yeah there’s the post on here about how some younger girls are finding themselves ugly when they don’t wear properly applied makeup or something like that. and that breaks my heart. why the fuck should a young girl be made to feel ugly if she can’t blend like josiemaycosmetics (I made that up btw idk any makeup channels besides Jeffree star, James Charles and that tatti woman tbh) and can’t afford the bullshit Too Faced $98 powered foundation, $65 Sunday Riley blush (I roughly remember the price of this particular blush bc my sister bought it for me for my 20th birthday so that I could according to her “look good for uni” but I never actually used it lmao… and it’s no longer sold here in australia) and Kylie Jenner’s overpriced lip kits and idk Smashbox “photo finish” primer priced between $AU23-$AU55????

like I had this bad enough in fucking HIGH SCHOOL with my sister telling me that I’d “never get a boyfriend” or “never get a date for the formal/junior prom” if I didn’t spend hundreds of $$$$ for a good face of makeup and didn’t spend hours and hours learning how to do my own makeup. or how last year for my uni grad, she made out that I’d ruin my own uni grad if we didn’t spend $250 on the makeup artist we got for me….. where I unfortunately found out that my skin reacts to MAC products 😭😨 bc the MUA used MAC concealer and foundation. my sister also expected me to remember the setting spray the woman used for my makeup, when I was there from like 4:30am till like 6:45am and i was barely fucking awake. the setting spray probably could’ve easily cost over $100. let’s be real here. like why am I expected to remember shit that early in the morning???

one of my least favourite things with makeup culture is that you’re not meant to fuck it up in any way, shape or form. like when my sister did my makeup for my two high school formals/proms (year 10 & year 12) she constantly told me not to scratch my face while she was doing it (but it made me itchy, hooray for L’Oréal being shit lmao)…. not to fuck it up while I ate at those events….. and she didn’t let me eat before my uni grad last year bc “you’d definitely fuck up your makeup. don’t you dare scratch your face at all today!” like for someone who has hypersensitive/highly reactive skin that she has to scratch when it’s itchy….. and also loves fucking stuffing her face with food….. expecting me to never touch/scratch my face and to practically starve myself to preserve the integrity of my makeup (that i ended up paying for some in the end anyway) for an event is fucking stupid and over-restrictive.

like i always hated the way that the kardashians ate on KUWTK bc it looked so fucking mechanical and whatever bc they had to obvs preserve their makeup while shooting and also look nice for the camera. like why the fuck am I expected to eat ~like that~ when I have a faceload of MU on???? FUCK OFF. I will scratch it off. I will smear the food all over my face (ok not really) and eat however I motherfucking want, thank you very fucking much. like for my uni grad last year I was up from 4am and my grad ended at like 12:30pm….. so I didn’t have food til about 12:35 when I left the hall. and the whole time while I was eating my sister kept reminding me to not fuck up my makeup that we’d spent $250 on. JUST LET ME FUCKING EAT WOMAN, I SWEAR TO FUCK. lmao.

the last thing I hate the most about makeup culture is that like….. I absolutely hate makeup like I said above….. but once I have it on I feel pretty and cry a bit bc I’ll just never learn to do it myself…. mostly bc I couldn’t be bothered…. bc I save hundreds, if not thousands of $$$$ from not buying all the bullshit essential items you need just for a ~basic no makeup, makeup look~, and bc my hands have never been steady enough to use some of the things, like false eyelashes and eyelash curlers or liquid eyeliner/normal eyeliner….. 

but yeah. I just hate that it makes me feel pretty???? but I also feel good and more natural without it???? and I’ll never like my sister’s comment that: “you’re the prettier one out of the two of us…. but if only you hurried up and learnt to do your makeup, you’d be even prettier” or some dumb semi-condescending shit comment she’s said to me like that before. like why is the only way a woman can be pretty (other than some clothes that make her feel good) by smearing 100s/1000s of dollars worth of makeup on???? like why the fuck am I expected to spend all that money when a good bulk of men will never bother with the male makeup trend anyway???? like why am I expected to act differently when I basically just have grown up face-paint on lmao???? I’ve never felt natural in makeup, I’ve always felt awkward and like…. not sound like an cringey edgelord emo kid…. but i never felt ~real~ wearing makeup lmao. just yeah.

but yeah I also understand makeup is an art and I appreciate that. makeup culture is so fucked on all sides for women.

(2.) skincare culture:

now skincare culture is different for me. considering that, like I said before, I had relatively bad cystic acne…. and I’ve since also developed eczema during the winter months….. so I’ve had to develop a good skincare routine over the years to keep my skin under control. but again, there are parts that I don’t like about skincare culture…. like women are typically meant to spend, again, hundreds and if not thousands of dollars on super expensive skin creams (some of which I’ve tried) to fix their fine lines, their laugh lines, their crows feet, their blemishes, their birth marks and cellulite…… the list truly goes on and on….. and on top of that (well this hellsite which isn’t entirely accurate) I’m, or we as women, are expected to teach all of that to men in their 20s???? like fuck off. why and how the fuck didn’t they get the fucking memo to look after their own goddamned skin???? like my 20s are already tiring enough, and now I gotta pass on important skincare advice to men, who could easily fucking find it themselves online???? lord help their asses lmao.

but other than the men bit…. yeah skincare culture is just as bad as makeup culture. like when Cosmo mag was still running in australia, more than half of the shit the women at Cosmo were advertising as part of their skincare routines were literally $300 night treatment creams or moisturisers; $150 facial cleansers; or $500 skin peels, or $600 appointments at dermatologists and skin therapies like electrolysis that I’ll probs never be able to afford. like one of the luxury brands that I LOVE (💖) is Mario badescu bc the two pimple treatments that i sometimes I use from them (the drying lotion and the anti-acne serum) are the ONLY two acne treatments that have NEVER made my face turn red and my skin peel off (besides a really good neutrogena one that Neutrogena discontinued 😭). every other chemist bought pimple treatment cream makes my skin peel off/itchy/turn red. but sadly the two Mario badescu treatments are priced over $50 if bought together (ones now $31 (formerly $28, this one’s great bc it dries clear), the other is like $26, this one dries pink). so the chemist bought ones like the ones by Clearasil or OXY10 are my saviours at $11.99-$12.99, even though they dry out my skin to buggery and leave big white marks on my face bc they both dry white lmao. but I’ve gotta suffer that for the price of beauty lmao.

also there’s expensive face washes (or skin care program packs etc) from Paula’s choice that I love.... but again they were like $35 for a 400ml bottle and $25 for a fucking 150ml or 250ml bottle. now the one i like is $20 for 177ml, which is a rip off. some of the other luxury things that I’ve tried (via free samples) that don’t work, like Kate Somerville (priced at like $65 and over), Philosophy and god knows what else that i’ve bought from Mecca Cosmetica, which is the Aussie version of Sephora in the past. and yes, for acne treatments, i’ve used pro-activ before. it was ok… but i never used it in high school, after the awful time we had trying to cancel our subscription to it back in the day for my sister lol.

also can we talk about the ultrasonic face brush systems that are still raging strongly??? like they’re also super rip offs, especially with buying replacement heads for $35 a pop. like I’ve had a Clarisonic for years (that I’ve stopped using, admittedly)…. the model was roughly $250 when I got it for my like 19th birthday. now they’re even more expensive at like $315 for the latest “clarisonic mia fit cleansing system” which is linked on the $315. or now there’s the foreo that costs anywhere between $75 (the cheapest model) to fucking almost $400… ie $395. the replacement heads for the clarisonic and i suppose replacement like pads or something for the foreo are meant to be replaced every three months “for optimum cleansing” or whatever. like $35 every three months is a lot to maintain after a while. also using the clarisonic added like 10 extra minutes to my showers/general skincare routine bc you’re meant to use it for five mins or whatever and then spend another 5mins washing it out to make sure that it doesn’t collect mould and buildup too much soap residue. it was just a lot of effort to use, even if it did make me feel like i had a better and deeper face washing routine.

and yes, i know there’s Lush. both my sister and i (but more my sister) were obsessed with Lush back in high school, after one of our sydney cousins introduced it to us. but Lush’s skincare stuff for pimples just never worked for us. it made me breakout more, actually. but their old apple pie and choc-orange lip balms were the BOMB. it’s a pity that they no longer make them tbh. their jelly soaps were fun to use and smelt nice too. i can’t remember much else about lush tbh lmao.

for face masks, i’ve found that store/chemist bought formula 10.0.06 or whatever works the best for my skin. but the push, especially again in cosmo and other places, to buy more expensive face-masks and like designer FMs that you should really ask a professional to use first imo, is fucking harmful, especially when you’ve got ones that take off the whole top layer of skin from your face (like the famous and the overly popular charcoal face peel masks), or so i’ve read. like it’s yikes out there. please be safe with these masks, ya’ll. and the same goes for making your own organic face masks, considering that i’ve seen posts on here about using lemon juice which is bad for your skin??? idk anyway. i also hate how with the face masks i buy, there’s about 6 different “skin-illuminating”/“skin brightening”/”skin detoxing” etc masks, that all essentially do the same fucking thing. just keep it at one and fucking go; for gods fucking sake lmao.

but yeah, skincare culture does suck just as much as makeup culture, considering that is heavily focused on women’s self-esteem and wallets…. and barely ever focuses on men. like it’s a double-edged sword tbh.

also as side notes: why the actual fuck are makeup companies still giving their makeup shades or makeup lines sexual names???? like i just found a fucking blush shade by NARS, in my research for this post, called “Orgasm”???? like what the FUCK is wrong with ya’ll??? like y’all actually have the fucking AUDACITY to really make 8 year olds say that in their makeup tutorial videos as well??? “our best selling orgasm collection” sweet lord. that sounds bad. y’all need to sort your shit out, and so do the people who name nail polish shades.. 

the other worrying general beauty trends that i keep getting on my facebook newsfeed are the teeth whitening systems like hismile and at home laser treatment machines… and then also the charcoal toothpastes to whiten your teeth. oh and also the facial skin “vacuums”, that suck out dirt/oil and your blackheads/pimples etc from your pores. stay safe out there everyone, and do your bloody research. don’t believe the reviews and the hype.

also finally: take your skin type and skin condition/(s) into account if you want to use any of the things that I’ve mentioned that I use/have used on this post. or that I’ve just generally mentioned, like the Clarisonic and the foreo. because what works for me, might not work for you. I’m not a skincare expert or dermatologist. check with your doctor or a skincare professional or whatever before you start using some of these things, even if you might think that it’s stupid & pointless to do so.

[mysageukinbio]

JHB '81 Episode 27 as a series of incoherent Discord messages

Episode 27

[7:46 PM]It's concubine selection time!

[7:47 PM]His sister Myeongan and Aunt Suk An are invovled

[7:48 PM]Inhyeon is waiting, but for whom?

[7:48 PM]Jangryeol is here to see Inhyeon

[7:49 PM]Jangryeol: Why'd you ask for a concubine selection?

[7:49 PM]"This is all wrong! You're in your prime to have a child!"

[7:49 PM]Inhyeon: I've put good thought into this, don't stop me

[7:50 PM]JAngryeol: I know, but a concubine could bring you more problems

[7:50 PM]"Imagine if the concubine became arrogant with a child?"

[7:50 PM]"Even if she's a good person, she'll still be a threat if she has a child"

[7:51 PM]Inhyeon: I've thought of it all

[7:51 PM]"For the nation it's importannt we have a child"

[7:51 PM]At the Western Faction

[7:52 PM]Song Shi Yeol: What do we do?

[7:52 PM]Min Jeong Jung: We've organized some girls from the Noron factionn to be picked

[7:52 PM]Song Shi Yeol: Yes, we must do that, fo rthe Queen's sake

[7:52 PM]Min Yu Jung: This is to stop Jang Suk Won from having a child first

[7:52 PM]"So we're picking someone who's perfect for childbirth"

[7:53 PM]"Kim Su Hang's granddaughter will do"(edited)

[7:53 PM]Ok Jeong is pissed about the concubine

[7:53 PM]Flashbacking on what the Queen told her last episode

[7:54 PM]idk if the film is red bc of the show's age or if it's on purpose

[7:54 PM]it was the film's age

[7:54 PM]Ok Jeong' smom is here to see her

[7:54 PM]Ok Jeong: The more I think about it, the angrier I am

[7:54 PM]"The Queen and I must've been enemies in out past life"

[7:55 PM]"I've tried everything to have a child"

[7:56 PM]"Literally everything - the spoon to the eye, drinkinng the Buddha's nose, ..."

[7:56 PM]"Ingyeong had two princesses, so it's not the King's fault"

[7:56 PM]"A child might not be in my fate"

[7:56 PM]"I won't spend my time in tears like Ingyeong did"

[7:57 PM]Jo Sa Seok is here

[7:57 PM]Jo Sa Seok: Did you hear the rumors?

[7:57 PM]"The Noron have decided the concubine"

[7:58 PM]Ok Jeong's mom: "Without the selection process?"

[7:58 PM]Ok Jeong: who is it?

[7:58 PM]Jo Sa Seok: Kim Su Hang's granddaughter

[7:58 PM]Lady Oh is back from out of the Palace

[7:59 PM]Inhyeon: What took you s o long?

[7:59 PM]"Did you meet my mom?"

[7:59 PM]Lady Oh: "She says don't worry, we've selected the concubine"

[7:59 PM]Inhyeon: Kim Su Hang's granddaughter? She's nice

[7:59 PM]Lady Oh: She has all the features for good childbirth

[8:00 PM]There are a lot of requirements

[8:00 PM]deep navel, dark nipples, round face, something like that - that's just 3 of 10 requiremrnts

[8:00 PM]Inhyeon: What a relief for the nation

[8:01 PM]Kim Su Hang's granddaighter is here, now Kim Suk Ui!

[8:01 PM]Ok Jeong wants to see what's going on

[8:01 PM]She's not pleased

[8:02 PM]Kim Suk Ui's chambers will be next to the Queen's

[8:02 PM]She meets the Queen for the first time

[8:03 PM]Inhyeon: Welcome

[8:03 PM]"I've been waiting for you"

[8:03 PM]Kim Suk Ui: The honor is all mine

[8:03 PM]Suk Won is supposed to see Suk Ui. as she is lower than her in rank

[8:04 PM]Suk Ui: Lower RAnk 2 Suk Won: Lower Rank 4

[8:04 PM]Lady Ccheon tells Ok Jeong what happened

[8:04 PM]Ok Jeong: I don't care what happened when she came

[8:04 PM]Does she really haveegood features for childbirth?

[8:05 PM]Lady Cheon: Yes, she does

[8:05 PM]"The Queen says they'll have a child soon"

[8:05 PM]It's time for Suk Ui's first night with Sukjong

[8:05 PM]Sukjongn is curious

[8:06 PM]The court ladies: Enjoy ;)

[8:06 PM]Sukjong: come closer

[8:06 PM]Kim Suk Ui comes closer, but she's shy

[8:07 PM]Ok Jeong is overcome with jealousy

[8:07 PM]She's imaginign waht could happen

[8:07 PM]Sukjong: Give us a Prince, for me, for the Queen, for the nation

[8:07 PM]Inhyeon: Did everything go fine?

[8:08 PM]Lady Oh: Yes

[8:08 PM]Inhyeon: Suk Ui really looks like she can bear lots of children. It's the nation's fortune

[8:08 PM]"If Suk Ui bears a Prince, I can adopt him and make him Crown Prince"

[8:09 PM]"How did I reach this state? Unable to bear a chcild and lost the King's favor..."

[8:09 PM]Southern faction is having a restless night

[8:10 PM]Ok Jeong's mother is back at Dongpyeong's

[8:10 PM]They're curious about everything

[8:10 PM]Ok Jeong refused to see her mother after that day

[8:10 PM]The King only goes to Kim Suk Ui these days

[8:11 PM]Hee Jae: All this effort for nothing...

[8:11 PM]Dongpyeong: Don't feel too bad, Suk Won won't backc down like this

[8:11 PM]Ok JEong's mother: That's what worries me

[8:11 PM]"I remember what Ok Jeong said before"

[8:11 PM]"She said she won't live in the backroom without favor"

[8:12 PM]No spoon this time but Suk Won is squinting at the sun for a baby

[8:12 PM]Sukjong visits Ok Jeong

[8:12 PM]Ok Jeong is despondent

[8:13 PM]She won't let him touch her

[8:13 PM]Sukjong: Are you jealous of the new concubine? Lmao cute

[8:14 PM]"Okay enough, my heart is with you, even if my body is with Suk Ui"

[8:14 PM]"You know I can't leave a new concubine alone"

[8:14 PM]Sukjong's had it

[8:14 PM]"You insult me over this"

[8:14 PM]"The Queen's happy about this for the nation!"

[8:14 PM]"Fuck you I won't come back!"

[8:15 PM]It's all part of Ok Jeong's plan but yes, she is pissed

[8:15 PM]He's at the Queen's now

[8:15 PM]Inhyeon: I saw your mother ina dream

[8:16 PM]"She said the new concubine will have a lot of children, but Jang Suk Won has no children and is therefore not blessed"

[8:16 PM]Sukjong sees Inhyeon's jealousy

[8:16 PM]He thinks it's okay if they're jealous, and feels sorry for Ok Jeong

[8:17 PM]Okay now he doesn't

[8:17 PM]Ok Jeong heard what the Queen said

[8:17 PM]"She's cursing me, isn't she?"

[8:17 PM]Sukjong said he'll never visit Ok Jeong again

[8:18 PM]Lady Cheon: I don't understand, why did you rebuff him?

[8:18 PM]"Now all the servants think you're out of favor"

[8:18 PM]"Now that the Queen supports Kim Suk Ui, Suk Ui's servants are all arrogant"

[8:18 PM]"What do we do?"

[8:19 PM]Ok Jeong: "It's nothing to be afraid of"

[8:19 PM]"Even if I die for favor, I won't be pushed to the backcfoom"

[8:19 PM]Lady Go (Suk Ui's court lady) is outside

[8:19 PM]Lady Go says Suk Ui is waiting for Suk Won to present hersself

[8:20 PM]Lady Cheon tells Ok Jeong

[8:20 PM]Ok Jeong: I never knew we had a new concubine lol anyway tell her to come to me

[8:20 PM]Suk Ui" What?

[8:20 PM]"What ana rrogant wrech"

[8:21 PM]"I should go teach her a lesson!"

[8:21 PM]Lady Go: Please maintain your dignity

[8:21 PM]Don't let a lowly Suk Won make you angry

[8:21 PM]She's supposed to cocme to you anyway

[8:22 PM]Suk Ui: I may be a concubine, but I was brought in by selection, a Suk Ui from a noble family!

[8:22 PM]"She's just a translator's daughter, a lowclass Suk Won who was once a court maid"

[8:22 PM]"Tell her to come now!"

[8:22 PM]Ok Jeong hears this

[8:22 PM]"I was here first, she should come to me!"

[8:23 PM]"Ranks mean nothing, I was here first!"

[8:23 PM]Jangryeol hears what's going on

[8:23 PM]lady Han: shit's going to hit the fan

[8:23 PM]Jangryeol: Do the King and Queen know?

[8:23 PM]Lady Han: Yes, they do

[8:24 PM]Jangryeol: If Suk Ui bears a child, it'll be trouble

[8:24 PM]Lady Han: please save Lady Suk Won

[8:24 PM]Jangryeol: lol what? No

[8:24 PM]Sukjong heard about this

[8:24 PM]Suk Won's going to Suk Ui's chambers

[8:25 PM]Sukjong finds them both arrogant and foul

[8:25 PM]Ok Jeong: How dare Suk Ui nisult me like this? bring her out

[8:25 PM]Suk Ui comes out

[8:26 PM]Lady Oh calls them both into the Queen's Palacec

[8:26 PM]Inhyeon: sit down, both of you

[8:27 PM]You two are too much

[8:27 PM]Do you take the King, Queen and Grand Queen Dowager so ligtly?

[8:27 PM]To fight in our presence?

[8:27 PM]Suk Won, your behavior is bizarre

[8:27 PM]Your rank is lower than hers, do you take her so lightly?

[8:27 PM]The difference between you two is so much, how cann you insult her liek this?

[8:28 PM]LAdy Oh, birng the whip!

[8:28 PM]Disciplining you is my duty as Queen, now roll up yours kirt!"

[8:28 PM]Dont' you hear me? Roll up your skirt!

[8:29 PM]I'm whipping you today, but next time I'll torture you!

[8:29 PM]Inhyeon whips Ok Jeong, who faints right after

[8:29 PM]Sukjong is worried

[8:30 PM]Sukjong: How hard did the Queen whip her for her to faint?

[8:30 PM]End of episode

[averybritishsomething]

Long moving update

Hi! I know I promised this, and obviously I’ve been online and caught up, but here is my fun moving story. And all my shit is in my new condo. as far as I know most of it survived in one piece. So if you don’t know me, and wanted a tldr there it is! Read more cause this got long as hell

SO! Monday night I stayed up till 2 am (tuesday morning I guess) finishing packing most of the shit. Mom was coming on Tuesday (and before I continue, I just need to say that she was actually massively helpful, and not judgmental about shit, and honestly, best help I've gotten from here in a LOOOONG ass time) and I wanted to look like I was totally ready. Because some of my college moves were a complete shit show, and mom witnessed all of those. I crashed around 2.30-3 ish, planning to sleep till 9.45. Nope. the doughnuts my relator sent over (which are stans doughnuts and delicious) arrived at 9.15 instead of 11. So I broke speed records for getting dressed in something and running out to get those. Mom made it about 11.30 and we were working on the last min shit (getting all the trash out, and loading everything in my fridge/freezer into coolers because who needs to buy all new condiments). We had finished packing all the shit by a bit after 1, and had moved onto sweeping where we could (around the boxes lol) and double checking cabinets. My movers said it would only take an hour to move all of my packed shit into their truck, drive it to the new place, and get it up in the elevator. They said they would be there between 1 and 2. so. I had elevator reservations at this building for 1-5. Any time I go over, I have to pay a fee. $50 a half hour. I told the movers this in the initial email. They never gave me a phone number, everything had been over email. At 1.30 I started to get nervous. at 2 I started to call every number I could find attached to them online. Finally I got a call back at 2.15. Their previous job had run over, and I was next. They would get to my place by 3.30. Welp. nothing I can do. I reiterated the time for the elevator. And for those unfamiliar with Chicago traffic, let me tell you, rush hour starts at about 4, and lasts until 8 ish. The drive between the two places is about 15 min in a speeding uber with no traffic, or 45 min stuck in all the traffic. Or something between. They brought an extra guy they didn’t charge me for, and got all my shit out in like 20 min. Which is just fucking impressive, because I had a daybed, mattress, 3 shelves with cubes in them, a desk, chair, tv, 4 rugs, 9 under bed bins, and about 40 moving boxes, and lived in a second story walk up. 

So then mom and I ran over to the new place. Plan was, I run in, get the movers, do whatever I needed to do with security, got moms parking pass for later, while mom went back to the apartment to get the things we didn’t want the movers to move (there were like 4 smallish boxes, 2 backpacks, and the contents of the freezer that needed to be tossed into grocery bags. the boxes and backpacks were fragile and irreplaceable things, and the backpacks were legal docs, a few decent and sentimental pieces of jewelry, and my laptop), then, once mom was headed over, i’d head down, meet her in the circle drive out front, and we’d figure out parking. 

lol

So, I run in, run back to the loading bay, and can’t find a security guard. Then the movers call and they can’t figure out how to get to the back of the building. So I go out back to try to give them directions. They finally show up (traffic was awful), and one guy goes, ‘show me where to go’. So he follows me. Still no guard by the loading bay, so I head to management office. A security guard is going in, so I go to follow him and he yells at me. OOOK. I decide to go to the front desk next. They tell me to go to management and point out I only have about 45 min (I FUCKING KNOW). I say I can’t get into the management office right now, this is time sensitive, where is the security guard by the back door. She radios someone and says they’re coming around the corner. Guard who yelled at me earlier comes around the corner. I ask him. He says hes looking for someone and not to bother him. oooook. I go back to the front desk. she now says they don’t have the move in info up there, can’t prove that i am who i say i am, and that I need to move. and to head back to management. Management is a 4 min leisurely stroll from the desk btw. So i’m heading back, when a different security guard rounds the corner, and asks if im the mover. well she asks the mover if we’re moving in, and i’m like ‘nope, i am, he’s carrying the shit, i’m paying’. and she starts in on complaining about how we’ve kept her waiting all day and she wants to go home. I apologize (but like also, I paid her to be there. not to sound entitled, but she was paid to do nothing but sit in an air conditioned office waiting for me to show up, and then to watch movers walk by. I’m sorry, but good grief, i also did not want to be running late). So then we try to take the elevators. the door to the freight elevator is locked for no fucking reason. my fob won’t work. she doesn't have a key. So i run back to the front desk, and she radios for mr friendly security guard to come back. He takes his sweeet ass time walking there, and we spend 5 min staring at the glass doors separating me from the service elevators. my mover is like ‘ i hope we’re refunded for this 15 min’ and i’m like ‘bitch i wish you’d showed up on time’ internally but just nod. SO then she’s like ‘you know you just have 15 min left. ‘ and i’m like ‘yes i am aware’. and she’s like ‘i have to tell management if you run over’ and i’m like ‘yes i know this too’. so it’s unlocked, I escort the movers to my room, unlock the door, and then fucking sprint back to management office (which I still haven’t made it into today) so I can pick up my parking pass for mom, before management office closes at 5. so the movers get my shit up in like 45 min, and then move it to the correct rooms. I pay them and tip them cause apparently you’re supposed to. and then I lay down and try to stop sweating for 5 seconds.

Then mom calls. She’s on her way, and got everything but one box in her car. So I head down to the lobby (meet a neighbor I share a wall with, he seems super nice, teaches piano, was giving a lesson while i was moving in, I couldn’t hear anything. i love these thick walls) and hop in moms car, and we go to figure out the garage. We finally figure out how to get in (this took a few min, the garage system is currently complicated as they’re in the middle of renovating) get down and discover that yes we have in and out privileges with this pass, but it’s still valet. all parking I can get for guests is valet. which is awkward but ok. We meet William, who is SUPER friendly, nicely explains how the garage works, lets us leave the car by the valet stand while we unload some things, lets me use the luggage cart, just is all around awesome. So we get the shit upstairs, unload the cold shit, and run back downstairs to drive to fucking ikea. We get there, figure out the closet thing I want is too big for my closet (sigh) and order the rest of the shit to be delivered here on the 11th. So that’s when I’ll have furniture again lol.  

we go home and pass out. it’s 11, i’ve been running all day, this is deserved. 

the next day we start unpacking. I'm dealing with my clothes, mom is doing the kitchen. I hear some ‘broken pottery pieces moving around noises’ and know i’m fucked. All my fucking plates except 3 are busted. They were sturdy old plates that looked like fiestaware I got at good will and have had for nearly 10 years. They're all still wrapped in my bubble wrap. Just fucking shattered. So. that’s something I need to deal with. So far they’re the only broken things we’ve found, but damn it’s going to be a pain to replace. So once the cable guy shows up 2 hours late, and finally gets that set up, mom and I run back to the apartment, grab the last box, and go to physically drop my keys off because my landlord sucks. We get stuck in traffic cause Western is shit again, and finally make the ‘20 min’ drive according to gps in about an hour. I drop them off, and we’re back at my condo. Mom and I unpack until she leaves in the evening and then I go to my room and get online and I haven’t unpacked shit since then. I’m going to after I type this out (and send a form to the office, and ask a polite question about how do I get amazon packages delivered to the package room because my smoke alarm does not work at all and the nice matience guy who discovered that yesterday let me off without a fine, cause he could see i’d literally just moved in, but I need to fix that). But like.... i’m actually in the room! and about half the boxes are unpacked!!! which is amazing!!!! so, it had some issues, but at least i’m fucking moved!

[raventons]

99 q/a for 2017

1.    What’s the toughest decision you made today? To get out of bed after a 3 hour nap.

2.    What’s the toughest decision you made this year? I would say turning around at the airport, not going to Moscow, deciding my mental health is more important than that trip. However, I was just following my fear, which is quite an easy feeling to follow. And I have not once found myself second guessing that call. I am not one to dwell too much on decisions like that. I honestly contemplate more about what I’m having for dinner, or what underwear to buy – and I always end up regretting or celebrating those decisions more.

3.    What’s the toughest decision you ever made? Once I spent over an hour deciding if I wanted carbonara or caciatora. I went with caciatora, and that day I learned that if you are in doubt, you should always go with what your dinner company orders. My dad got carbonara, and it was out of this world. If you order the same thing as your date, it might still be the lesser option, but at least you will not know what you are missing. As an intellectual, this is one of the conclusions I’m the most proud of.

4.    What have you forgotten? Almost all the math I was taught in high school.

5.    If you were guaranteed the answer to one question, what would it be? I would love to know who is answering me, and how they got the ability to answer any question ever.

6.    What’s it like being you right now? Better than it has been. A lot better. I’d say good.

7.    What makes you nostalgic? Lenny Kravitz, long car rides, the soundtrack of midsummer murders and the smell of old Swedish cabin in a Småland forest (we all know that smell).

8.    If you had two hours left on earth what would you do? Sit close to my parents, and talk about our life together. And tell them how grateful I am and how happy they’ve made me.

9.    What’s the most beautiful word in the world? The Swedish Blockchoklad or the Russian Nemnoga

10. Who makes you laugh more than anyone? Alex, no doubt.

11. What did your father teach you? How to show affection, how to make people laugh, how to interact with strangers, how to put together a good outfit, how to cook and pretty much everything I know on economy and religion. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

12. What did your mother teach you? How to not give a shit about anyone’s opinion, how to appreciate simplicity, how to be a storyteller, how to calm down when afraid, how to love without giving yourself up, how to be badass and pretty much everything I know on literature, self-esteem and really bad British crime stories. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

13. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? An orange moose I gave to my dad. It was really cheap and dumb, but he had just been diagnosed with a chronical disease (he is much better now) and everything just seemed to fall apart. So I did what any good daughter would do, I bought him a stuffed animal. It made him smile. And he still keeps it by his bedside. It’s called the vomit moose, since that was the most… obvious symptom at the time.

14. Best gift you ever received? My friend Lin gave me a card once with pictures and drawings of us. I love it and still have it ten years later.

15. How many times a day do you look in the mirror? Way too many.

16. What do you bring most to a friendship? I’d like to think I am funny. I talk too much, and always about the wrong and often quite strange things, but when I’m in the right mood and they’re in the right mood; I’d say I am funny.

17. If 100 people in your age group were selected randomly, how many do you think they’d find leading a happier life than you? Very few if we are talking happy as in privileged. I am so very lucky and have had so many fortunate turns in my life.  

18. What is or was your best subject in school? Social science.

19. What activity do you do that makes you feel most like yourself? Writing.

20. What makes you feel supported? I do. (Wow, I am actually quite proud of that answer, but it is true. Sometimes I look for help or motivation in others, but confidence and shit I truthfully only find in myself).

21. Whom do you secretly admire? Secretly? No one. I admire a lot of people, and I think I make sure to tell them.

22. What time of the day do you feel the most energetic and what do you usually do in those moments? Noon. Usually waste that energy on procrastination.

23. What’s something you never leave home without? Pants.

24. What’s a recurring dream you have? Teeth falling out. Or organs. I quite often have nightmares about some stuff that is supposed to be inside or attached to my body suddenly isn’t.

25. What makes you feel safe? Blankets and tea.

26. What’s the best thing that ever happened to you? Discovering international law as my field of work.

27. What do you want people to say about you once you’re gone? That I was smart.

28. What’s the coolest thing about science? Well… let’s go with nature science, because my field of research is not cool at all. I think it’s about the fact that nature is there. It’s not something we invent or solve, it’s something we discover. It’s all written, all the answers are out there somewhere. All the equations, all the numbers, they all correspond to a reality we only see fragments of. It’s like humanity is reading a book together, and the physicists and biologists flip the pages. And for each chapter we find out more and more about how the world around us works.

29. What’s the best money you ever spent? My skinny, black jeans.

30. What’s a bad habit you have? Listening to bad music. I don’t want to support sexist or racist producers. Still here I am, having my playlists filled with pop about grabbing pussies. I’m also weirdly addicted to marzipan.

31. What are you grateful for? My professors and a free education.

32. Whom are you envious of? Almost everyone. But it varies, passes and comes back. It depends on the day. Or the hour.

33. What’s an image you’ll never forget? Well, I have to go with a few summers ago when me and a former classmate ended up skinny dipping in a sunset down at Österlen. But actually, the first thing that came to mind was the real holocaust footage that was included in the TV-show The Promise. I had to leave the room, could not finish the series and I still think about it quite often.

34. Describe a near-death experience. My brain thinks I have one daily, but I don’t think I’ve ever had one. Once I got my luggage lost in Russia, and we had to drive around downtown St Petersburg for hours in a shady cab. It was all fine and no hostile environment what so ever, but when I tell the story it really sounds quite near-death.

35. If you had a clone, what would you have the clone do? Dishes.

36. What’s your idea of Heaven? A lot of cozy spots by windows with rain outside. Good food, good tea and good conversation. A book shelf would be nice too.

37. What’s your idea Hell? Bad food, bad tea and bad conversation.

38. When did you know? Did I ever?

39. What can you do better? I could be more structured. I literally have no routines at all.

40. When are you most yourself? When I am alone, covered in loud music.

41. What superpower would you most like to have? Time travelling but without all the complicated world-war-shit to come with it.

42. If you were granted three wishes, what would you do with the second wish? Fix up the UN.

43. What is your actual superpower? I am very, very analytic. I am also amazing at app games.

44. If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first? I would love to own a goat. But well, that’s more of a management problem than an actual money problem.

45. What's the best sound in the world? Waves. Or someone biting in chocolate.

46. What’s perfect about your life? My parents. And Amanda. She is a wonderful person. 

47. What song do you sing only when you’re alone and what memory does it bring back? Min Kärlek av Shirley Clamp. And there is no memories connected, it’s just fucking brilliant.

48. Describe a moment you were so embarrassed you wanted to disappear. When I was 8 we had a quiz in class, and I answered cow instead of turtle (I will NOT tell you the question).

49. How many times a day do you think about money? Every time I use it.

50. Who has been the biggest influence on you in your relationship to money? My parents.

51. What's one thing you're certain of? Cows don’t have shells.

52. Describe one of your colossal failures. I think I just did.

53. What makes you cringe? People trying to make memes a thing you can refer to in real life.

54. What does your inner voice tell you? To shut up. I tell it the same.

55. What crime have you considered committing? I don’t even bike without a helmet. I am a pussy.

56. What's great about your mom? Her hair is amazing.

57. What’s great about your dad? His hair is not so very amazing (and I inherited it) but he has other good qualities. He collects post-cards for example. That’s pretty cool.

58. Which day would you gladly re-live? The day in third grade when I won the egg-cracking championship at our school.

59. What are you awesome at? Egg-cracking, obviously.

60. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I seem decent.

61. When were you most afraid? Berlin, 2014.

62. What are you terrible at but love to do anyway? Sex, probably.

63. What weapon would you carry during the Zombie Apocalypse? An axe or a sword. Or a nuke, if bad goes to worse.

64. Which of your five senses would you keep if you could only keep one? I would like to hear shit.

65. What’s something you love to make? Pancakes.

66. What do you cook better than anyone? This weird ass pasta with butter. It’s unhealthy but so damn good.

67. What do you wish you’d invented? The airplane. Or well… the flying machine or whatever it was called when it was invented.

68. What would you like to invent? A new UN system.

69. Out of 100 random people, where would you rank yourself in terms of your intelligence? Pretty high.

70. Where do you want to be right now? Venice.

71. If you could be someone else for a day who would it be and why? Graham Norton. He seems so happy. And he is funny and smart and his job seems to be really cool.

72. What makes you feel powerful? My Hans Zimmer playlist.

73. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said? Considering how empty my brain is right now, I think it has done quite some work on supressing those memories.

74. What’s the meanest thing someone has ever said to you? Actually, most people are nice. I don’t think anyone has ever been really mean to me. Sometimes I get hurt, when people say I am pretentious or annoying. But the only reason they say that (and the only reason it hurts) is it’s true.

75. What three words would you have on your grave stone? Let me sleep.

76. What’s your first thought when you wake up? Let me sleep.

77. What’s one thing you wake up to in the middle of the night worrying about? Usually if I have cancer in the prostate since I need to pee ALL the time. But then I remember I am a female.

78. If you could tell someone something anonymously, what would it be? I would tell my cousin Johan to never be insecure about anything. He is probably the most awesome, complete and admirable person in the world.

79. Whom would you like to forgive and forget? The people who made two and a half men.

80. If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would it be? Dishes.

81. What type of person angers you the most? Extreme right wingers who grew up in a place where they had a choice. Of course you can’t blame people for reacting to the environment around them, and get affected by their culture – but people who grow up with access to information and without oppression – how on earth did you make those conclusions?  

82. What is your greatest strength? I’m confident about my intellect.

83. What is your worst weakness? I’m insecure about pretty much everything else.

84. How do you show your love for others?  Tiny surprises. It can be buying them flowers, cleaning their apartment or just answering a two years old text and apologize for forgetting their existence.

85. Why are you here in this room right now? It’s 10 degrees minus outside.

86. When is a time you forgave someone or were forgiven for something? I forgave myself for not doing the dishes. It felt good.

87. What’s the biggest mistake you ever made? Talking too much. I always talk too much. It’s not one big mistake at one certain event. But it keeps on happening and I never fucking learn.

88. What are you hiding? Nothing.

89. What’s your unanswerable question--the question you seem to always be asking yourself? Can there be true objectivity?

90. What are you ashamed of? My fetishes.

91. What is stopping you? Panic attacks. Or walls, mostly.

92. What’s a secret you have? I really have no idea what I am going to do with my life.

93. How do you secretly manipulate people to get your way? I don’t do this on purpose, but I’ve noticed it happening without actively thinking about it. I usually express a will to rely on people, and come across as weak and fragile, making them think I need their help and protection – when I am really just better of on my own.

94. When was the last time you apologized? This morning.

95. What is the biggest lie you tell yourself? That I am a cool and mysterious person that people look up to.  

96. What’s the moment you left childhood behind? Probably when I moved out from home and went grocery shopping for the first time. Deciding if I needed milk or not was my first ever adult decision.

97. What's missing from your life? Structure. And home cooked meals.

98. Do you believe in a higher power? No.

99. What are you ready to let go of? About half my closet and my fear of flying.

[halvatir]

Hello mizu! Its okay if you're too busy/don't want to do it but could you do the more detailed character ask for flanel and randel? Curious anon here, have a good day!

hey there anon, hoping you’re having a good day too ( ᐛ )و - are you talking about this ask??? i’m not sure what you’re talking about but bless these kinds of tumblr blogs, here u go

btw the likes/dislikes are in reference to my interpretations for them, the fav/least fav moment are in reference in-game since y’know… these guys don’t exactly have ‘moments’ minus… idk, whoever the devs decide to feature in the updates (゜▽゜;)

flamel (… flanel lol i thought u were referring to another chara)

what i like about them: perfectly self-aware of himself: knows what his strengths + capabilities are and also his weaknesses + flaws, along with his morals + ideals + character. nope, any form of psychological bullshit won’t work on him. he’s absolutely aware of what he’s capable of doing and he’s not in denial about his shortcomings at all… what he does with that knowledge and what he plans to do about it is more of the question.

what i dislike about them: while flamel has a condescending air about him, he actually does not look down on people and he acknowledges others’ capabilities + character, even if they’re better than his own. that’s the problem: he knows or at least he has a general idea of a person’s capabilities + character, and what he dislikes the most is if it is not put to good use. without mercy, he can really say stinging observations about one’s failures and fears straight to their faces - the worst part is? it hurts, bc it’s true. he’s insensitive, but you can’t exactly deny his words either.

favorite moment: when i get his card lol bc i really like his card art??? not the mvp + biochemist one, the regular one - like… daMN??? i dig, he probably has the best regular card among the bio mobs imo

least favorite moment: ??? have u fought this fucker in-game??? no??? lucky u then, cecil’s still the queen bitch but mAN is flamel also a pain to fight, the last time i played ended up with my party dying partially bc of him and his clones

a situation with this character that i want to see explored more: not exactly a situation but his backstory??? or okay, something with his family - i know he’s nicholas flamel’s son but what about his mom? or what if: his parents announce that he’s about to have a sibling like??? what, i’m like around my 20s already then u tell me i’m gonna be an older bro i am questioning ur nightly activities??? cue a much needed slap from his mom lol

an interesting au for this character: lol i’d probably like to see flamel in a soulmate au where he feels the same emotions his partner does like wow he’s really irritated at it at first bc really why is this person so damned emotional / feel so much but eventually he’s able to compartmentalize his partner’s emotions from his own and he also takes note of the emotions his partner experiences in a journal daily, complete with time frames/lines??? that’s sort of sweet??? it also becomes a habit for him to look at the journal at the end of the day and think of reasons why his partner may have felt this way at each of the recorded times??? what’s funny tho is that despite the fact that he’s been taking note of his partner’s emotions for so long (probably middle school up to college?), he’s never gotten the urge to discover who his soulmate is, or to try find said person. sorry soulmate, you’re the one who’s gonna take initiative.

a crossover: top of my head, probably a fullmetal alchemist one lol - he’s probably some big shot alchemist then surprise surprise, one of his transmutation attempts fucked up him up pretty badly leading him to the gate of truth. he wakes up feeling ‘empty’ only to figure out that somehow his parts of him have taken the form of homonculi… and not just any kind of homonculi - they introduce themselves as a part of him, the sins in him that has made him the man he was today. they even call him father and take different human forms (lol, aka they take the form of his floormates, take a pick who represents each sin) - the revelation is in his travels tho while he’s trying to get to the homonculi, is that flamel himself embodies a sin, the seventh sin that completes all of them (try guessing what, lol). ooooh, this could probably be good if i actually fix this but yeah, there u go, it goes somewhere along those lines.

otp: none, actually. 

other ships: kathryne // trentini

brotp: randel // alphoccio

notp: lady tanee hahAHAHA jk no seriously idk just ignore my first entry pls it was supposed to be a joke… maybe…

assortment of headcanons

surprise bitch, he’s the best chef in the biolabs but he ain’t gonna cook for anybody but himself - the only time he isn’t hung up on precise measurements + time is when he’s cooking

has a pair of reading glasses, uses them often and keeps them stored away neatly in his desk complete with a wipe - he always makes sure there’s adequate lighting + his reading glasses are present when he reads stuff, he sure cares for his eyes a lot

he… surprisingly follows a lot of good health practices - he always takes 15 - 20 min break if he’s been doing something for a straight hour (patrol + battles are exempted), drinks 8 glasses of water daily, sleeps early, etc.

his hands are always gloved - takes ‘em off only when he’s about to sleep. his right hand is pristine but his left hand has a strangely shaped burn mark that runs diagonally across his palm - it looks old.

he looks prim and proper but honestly his room is nuts - what’s more confusing is that he isn’t bothered by his room’s state at all + he knows exactly where his stuff is when he needs it, like… dude… how do u even know where to find ur shit in a warzone called ur room, teach me ur ways master

randel (oooh this is new)

what i like about them: he’s a very resolute yet flexible person: definitely not the type of person who’d go second-guessing on his decisions or would waver in times of crisis, but he’s not also the person who’d insist on pushing on with the initial goal/objective when difficulties or contradictions arise - he takes in the present situation + other factors & encountered facts and weighs them against the supposed goal/objective. from there he determines what he thinks would be the best course of action to take, and it takes him only a short time to do so even under pressure.

what i dislike about them: true to his class, he’s too self-sacrificing??? which is like… dude c’mon it’s probably an honor for the crusader line to die in the act of protecting others but still if u die, who’s going to protect those who can’t protect themselves? like yeah, he understands that too but he’s more inclined to believe that it’s better for him to be left behind/sacrificed/die in exchange for the lives of the majority. well - it’s either he’s that self-sacrificing or sadly, when weighed against the lives of the people he must protect, he doesn’t place that much value on his own life.

favorite moment: the feel when u don’t get his attention, seriously. pls let me sneak about ur floor in peace - i swear i went to church so pls stop with the grand + holy crosses

least favorite moment: fighting him is torture bc if rms data is right, 478,745 hp, man - he has the longest hp out of his floormates… and that’s just a regular randel… the paladin one has 3,870,000 and the mvp one a whopping 6,870,000… since his life is that fucking long, say goodbye to trying not to be mobbed by the other ghosts bc ur still busy trying to kill him, damn

a situation with this character that i want to see explored more: same like flamel, knowing his backstory would be A+ but… hmm, maybe something way back like his origins story or something, the story of why and what made him decide to be a swordsman/crusader. y’know, that’s if we’re assuming that he’s not from a family line of swordsmen/crusaders or something. idk, sometimes the thing is with characters who are in line with a faith/ideal is that i’m interested in what made them devote their lives to that certain faith/ideal in the first place.

an interesting au for this character: oooh, just… idk, a modern au where he suddenly ends up taking care of the bio2 kids who are orphans. he’s never mentioned it to anyone, not even to the people of his workplace who happen to be his friends/co-workers like for 4 years already. therein lies the problem: his friends on separate occasions have seen him with at least 2 or 1 of the kids. they all know randel isn’t married. the hair colors (cenia and laurell) + other features don’t match up. some distinctly heard a kid call him dad/daddy/father (see: wickebine, armaia, the rest respectively). conclusion: it’s either a) he’s babysitting as a part time job bc goddamn rekenber’s a cheap son of a bitch that won’t give him a raise, b) those kids are his cousins or something and are probably so fond of him that they see him as a father figure, or c) illegitimate chiLDREN FROM SOME ONE NIGHT STANDS ALRIIIGHT SCANDAL IN THE OFFICE. chaos ensues even before poor randel has a chance to explain himself.

a crossover: lol, idk… a shingeki one maybe where randel’s probably the head of the survey corps, watching over our fated trio (probably flamel/celia/chen for his floor, bio2&3′s are a mix&match). for some time, the trio don’t see him but strangely enough when the trio get old enough to join the corps, they discover that randel is considered a scum and a traitor to humanity by all three army regiments (survey, garrison, & military) which is strange bc randel is very well known and respected by humanity within the walls, wow. when the trio get deeper into his case, it turns out that randel vehemently fought against a group of scientists that were looking for human subjects for the ‘sake of saving humanity by using present resources’ - the three of them were seen as part of those potential resources and were eyed upon by the scientists were they were already young, along with other people from different parts of the walls (the other bio mobs). what happened to randel, however, is left in the air… was he even still alive, or had something important happened leading him to be branded as the traitor of humanity? politics, religion, science, drama, and titans (removers maybe lol) ensue.

otp: again, no solid one.

other ships: ????? surprising revelation is that i don’t exactly ship randel romantically, wow even i just discovered that now

brotp: his floormates - although honestly i think that one way or another, randel could be on everyone’s good side once they just get around to talking, probably

notp: zealotus oKAAAAY no seriously pls make me stop placing random mobs in this section

assortment of headcanons:

very, very religiously open + tolerant. he shows a lot of interest on other faiths and is knowledgeable even of various religious practices asides from his own. of course, he’s still steadfastly loyal to what he believes in first and foremost, but he feels no need to impart his beliefs to those who don’t / are reluctant to believe. he isn’t the type you’d see to be preaching about his faith either, that is unless you ask.

in line with the hc above, his tolerance also extends to people and their character + personalities, but he isn’t too tolerant to the point that he’d rationalize questionable actions + motives. he may have the patience of a saint, but no one’s so sure if they want to see him snap / test his patience to see what makes him tick. throwing bullshit about his faith doesn’t work on him, actually.

he’s pretty crafty - he pretty much taught himself other ways to help people, from practical stuff like sewing to more complicated stuff like woodwork + metal works, wow. he’s basically the ideal useful guy in survival crises… minus the fact that he can’t cook that well lol

he has the worst drinking tolerance among the bio3 + bio4 residents - the sign that he’s drunk is when his face shows more expression than usual + his posture breaks (the paladin randel card art lol). nobody knows bc damn son, he has a pretty good poker face and he can hold it for a really long time

... the only reason he grew his hair long is bc of a promise to his mother. he vowed that if ever he was to fall in love (and it was reciprocated) / find the person he would devote his life to, that would be the only time he would cut his hair, and his mother would do the honors... but... yeah... wow, i made myself feel sad

this was a lot of fun - thanks a lot for the ask anon, and i welcome your curiosity anytime! (　＾∇＾) i’m always in for a distraction from work lol