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#but id love to talk abt it more lol
levmada · 2 years
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wait does the manga shed more light on levi's thoughts/feelings the moment kenny dies/the moments after he's dead? (i haven't read the manga and only watched the anime)
this is gonna be a much bigger response than kenny .i have been thinking/saying this for ages but i hate wit for cutting out so much characterization of multiple characters in s3p1, including levi's. historia's character arc was also more interesting in the manga. one thing the anime leaves out is the whole entire reason historia wants to punch levi. it isnt just cuz mikasa told her to lol. it's because he got angry when it was revealed after torturing sannes that she had to be queen and she refused. panels!!
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this is basically the whole scene. i think it is one of the most important scenes where we learn about levi and his point of view. i have no idea how the anime could go without it.
later, reeves is killed and before he dies, he tells historia to be more understanding of levi and calls him an "awkward yet kind man" or smth to that effect lmao. reason being, levi and reeves had a one on one talk where, basically in exchange for reeves' manpower and loyalty, the survey corps would protect his business. those were levi's conditions, the last one being access to his business's expense teas LMAO. tumblr only lets me post 10 images per post but i'll rb it if someone asks.
the 104th resent levi for the historia situation after a few days pass and theyre basically staking out stohess and talking abt what levi said about being willing to kill ppl in order to fight the titans. MIKASA and kinda Armin are the only ones who defend Levi. here's a funny panel:
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and another example of levi's dry humor that we missed:
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FINALLY KENNY STUFF
JHFIURHUR ok ok when kenny kills reeves, we missed THIS panel. kenny asks reeves about levi while reeves is secretly working with the survery corps:
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like!!!! CMON
and yes, EVEN during that iconic levi kenny battle, anime watchers missed out on stuff. missing scene when levi ends up in the bar:
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theyre so petty LMAO
after that, it's the same convo about how they'd both do anything as long as it benefited them.
overall kenny and levi's relationship isn't VASTLY left out of the anime. kenny's talk w grandpa ackerman (which fun fact, isayama just drew an older version of levi for that character) and a look at how he picked levi up is basically the same. however i think these small moments are very important, and it was criminal to leave out.
finally to answer ur question, around kenny's death, it's adapted perfectly i think, and leaves nothing out of their last conversation.
there are other things, like more details that make historia's arc in that season more interesting, as well as conversations that bring light to levi and erwin's relationship, but im out of pictures lol
tldr: i think even if u have no interest in the manga and have watched the whole anime, u NEED to read this arc of the manga (ch50-70ish) if u want the whole story.
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waywardsalt · 1 year
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everything about bellumbeck makes me go insane. i don’t even know how to express half of it. the way everyone is in mortal danger during that fight. linebeck is forced to try and kill link right after saving his life. the one time he’s actually taking part in a boss battle with link he’s the boss he’s fighting. the way bellum seems to take his time grabbing him. the fact that bellumbeck never really pays any attention to ciela and bellum just grabs and restrains her instead of putting her out of commission or straight up killing her. one of his attacks is a spin attack much like link’s and we can assume that linebeck has probably seen link do a spin attack at some point. the way bellumbeck’s helmet is designed to look vaguely similar to linebeck. if bellumbeck kills you when you have a purple potion it plays the same sting as when a phantom catches and attacks you. this is the second time this link has had a sword fight with another human as his final battle but this time he is effectively fighting alone. of the main cast linebeck is the most detached from the rest of the group and is the only one to be an enemy. bellumbeck’s helmet opens after some attacks and right before he’s defeated. linebeck’s character theme utilizes harpsichord and excludes piano and bellum’s boss theme utilizes piano and excludes harpsichord. bellumbeck’s theme includes both and for the first half and near the end of the song they play the exact same melody at the same time. linebeck is suggested to be unable to fight or properly protect himself in battle for the entire game and then in the final boss in a twisted, awful way he finally gets a chance to be a competent fighter capable of defending himself.     does any of this make sense
#there is no central thesis to any of this im just frothing at the mouth about bellumbeck#loz#legend of zelda#phantom hourglass#linebeck#bellum#bellumbeck#salty talks#btw. re-fought bellumbeck for this. which is more of a chore for me than it sounds.#on my 100% ph file i never take the save before bellumbeck so that i can do all of the three bellum fights over and over so uh.#had to speed through the temple of the ocean king lol#but it also allowed me to sit down and listen to bellum's boss theme a few times through#hi when i figured out that for most of bellumbeck's theme the piano and the harpsichord were basically playing the same thing it was. bro#i felt like id come across something really cool. idk#i love bellumbeck's theme so much despite being a musician im not good with aural skills or picking up on little musical things#screaming crying throwing up etc etc#i almost said a thing abt the instruments playing linebeck's theme in the final boss theme are not heard in bellum or linebecks themes#but the brass that plays it once i believe is similar enough to the brass in linebeck's theme that it kills that statement#bc of the lack of extra info abt bellum or linebeck i like to lean into drawing comparisons or parallels between them#most of the stuff i didnt say relies heavily on my specific interpretations of characters and plot and headcanons so i left it out#i cant say anything about the key of bellumbeck's theme since i cant find reliable sheet music and my aural skills are dogshit#correct me if im wrong (probably am) based on the piano sheet music you can find on ninsheetmusic linebeck's theme is in g minor#its in g minor in one i found on another site too#or something. i hate minor keys#bellum's battle theme and bellumbecks theme arent there but. linebeck's theme is in some kind of g minor key#PROBABLY take this with a fucking grain of salt despite being a fucking musician i had to find my major scale cheat sheet to check this#after some extra research (for like five minutes) cant find sheet music for the final boss but from the little i could find#i thiiiiiink bellum's battle theme is c major#this means nothing i just had fun applying what little music theory knowledge i have
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yioh · 8 months
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some of my fave ships over the last few years !!!
#i wanted to add nanago but i couldn’t find any romantic official art LOL it’s all in our collective delusion#but do not underestimate my love for nanami gojo i am more delusional then ever abt them rn with the newest episode#mitsukou is the latest edition i literally started the manga yesterday lol and they’re SOOOOOO POOKIEEEEE my lil kids .. so adorable … i#wanna scrunch them up#and arkco. don’t make me start talking i WILL NOT shut up#i read my physical of vol 11 yesterday THE ARKCO VOLUME … drove me insane .. so much to say#arkco are the main couple of wha for me they are literally the foundation of everything and i love the way they grow together so much#they are giving future power couple …#also arkco and mitsukou are so whimsical in terms of vibes and that’s my FAVE#kaebedo ofc they are my brand i tjink lol but rather then canon kaebedo i love canon kaebedo the most#*i love fanon kaebedo more#just go on pinterest and type kaebedo there’s SO much creativity it always inspires me#id love a kaebedo inspired story or something there’s just so much to unpack and their aesthetics are so pleasing together#once again so whimsical if done right#oh and guiping my beloved tragic old women yuri#their cutscene is probably my all time fave in genshin along with shenhe’s cutscene#i have a feeling they’re gonna make a return too….. i will tune back into genshin again when they do#literally only playing genshin for liyue and partly mondstadt rn lol#AND NALUUUUUUUUU my iconic first ever ship in my WHOLE life#the fact that they still make as emotional as when i was 13 years old is insane#so well written. the most beautiful romance i’ve ever read . i DREAM of having a love like theirs :(#idek how to describe how they make me feel they just make my heart swell with love#the definition of made for eaxhother#SOUL MATES#and mitsuki aya 💞💞💞💞💞💞 the coolest and stylish girlies but they’re also so so cute i love watching their little love blossom through their#passion and love for the arts and music and then navigating life and school together#my favourite romance manga atm for SUREEEE#i eat up the art so bad#FEEL FREE TO TALK TO ME ABT ANY OF THESE MANGA … OR UR FAVE MANGA#i love manga … romance … games ….
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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months
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#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful#like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched.#im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting#i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now#bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened#would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence#that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we#last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul#ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code#i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open#the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was#bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is#ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt#unrelated
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dreamingdruka · 2 months
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Went directly to your inbox with this, hope you don't mind because I love arguing about irrelevant shit for fun
; are certainly better than whitespace because you can actually see them! When I add additional whitespace and my code doesn't work how will I find it huh? It's literally invisible /j
Also your compiler will tell you "expecting ; at line 4" or something like that most of the time
Ps. I actually think both phyton and c languages are pretty solid I just think c# is better if you want to start learning coding.
There are plenty awful programing languages out there that are much worse than both of them. Like the one I have to use at work 😭
ok i think ur right re the ; being atleast visible but the thing is, python doesnt need an end of line indicator! it only needs indentation! and that is pretty easy to do with even the standard python ide. with the ; languages, thats not the case. i put ; a the end of the line but even then its so difficult to see what code ive written and where it needs to be and i have to indent stuff anyway to be able to make anything out. altho that is a good point re the 'compiler will tell expecting ; at line 4' but so does python! it does tell you 'expecting indent at line 4' so i think that evens out
also i have never touched c# actually. so far my experience with those has been only c and c++ the first of which was required in my syllabus and the second bcoz everyone i talked to insisted that c is trash and that i should do c++ to actually understand the data structures stuff they were teaching us. i ended up getting pretty annoyed with c and then i started focusing on ml which is pretty much a python thing so i didnt do much of c++ too so yeah im mostly just focusing on that rn. wiat i just started rambling um anyway
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skitskatdacat63 · 4 months
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Me rewatching True Detective, fully knowing of the fact that I'm incapable of being normal abt anything, and finding myself getting increasingly more insane about it as the days go on: ah look it's consequences of my actions
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#this is why theres certain things i feel like i can never rewatch/reread again bcs they will take over my life#generation kill? i keep delayinf watching it even tho i rly want to bcs i know its just gonna take me over again#i didnt think id get obsessive abt true detective#bcs when i watched it the first time i noted that it had a fandom but didnt get into it at all#so im like yeah okay this is safe to rewatch! i like it a lot but its not gonna make insane#guys. i regret to inform you i feel insane.#lol also sry this whole break has been me rediscovering old fandom loves#so i keep having to be like 'WHY DID I GET BACK INTO THIS'#its just a stop gap i think tbh#BUT WHY DID I GET INTO THIS SO SOON BEFORE F1 COMES BACK UGGHHHHHH#also i think another factor is that have no one to talk abt vett/onso meta or AUs with#so my brain is just constantly searching for smth to latch onto#i keep getting sucked into old things and rediscovering my love#and its all very fufilling but ah man it makes me feel so insane ig#love bursting out of its seams and all that#haha just hoping tho main fandom will be a bit more active and communicative once it starts up again#stop my eyes from wandering anf all that#but anwyays yeah. i feel sooooooooo crazy abt TD#every time i watch another ep my brain is like 'man i wanna rewatch from the very start again'#im very loath to finsih things yknow?#theres a difference btwn completely starting smth over when you finish it#and savoring the world youre in before finishing it#yeah you can watch smth an endless amnt of times. but theres smth abt existing in that space btwn the start and the end#but aaaaghhh every aspect i just am so desperately into it#catie.rambling.txt
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luxraydyne · 2 years
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note to self, new policy change. whenever i accidentally stumble into a conversation about aini and i have to justify my dislike of it somehow, i’m offering one answer and one answer only: It’s Boring.
#im sorry im sorry i want to love it but its just soooo friggin boring im so bored and uninspired with it#the simulation stuff looks and sounds very flashy but its so vapid theres nothing there whats it for what is the story saying with it#what is even the point. nothing it is there to exist the writing has no opinion on it other than its a cool trick#and its not even that cool of a trick these days maybe a decade ago but in this economy? its been done so much#mizuki is boring all the returning characters are Boring the world is boring the villains are boring the motifs are wasted#ryuki and tama couldve been so good and expansive wrt to the first games ideas. but theyre not its boring#most of the somniums are boring (apart from the ost which is still good) half the comedy is boring#i really really dont want to be mean about it but i just cant make myself interested in talking abt it im BORED#i cant even get that animated abt the ableist stuff and the weirdness towards teenage girls cause its bad in such a tired hackneyed way lol#i keep trying to imagine experiencing this from the pov of someone whos never played a single vn let alone an anime vn or an uchi product#and like. itd be so confusing. id be like 'man i dont get it what was that even'#and not even in a 'have have so many Thoughts abt this i cant make them coherent' way more like 'i cant think anything at all abt this'#it demands knowledge of the genre to grasp whats happening but if you have that experience then it becomes more of the same#it feels so weirdly sanitised for some reason. it makes me yearn for indie games#so there's all of that hooha. and then. LOOK how they MASSACRED my BOY.
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harrowharkwife · 1 year
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did y'all know about my praying mantis tattoo orrrrrr
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1980ssunflower · 1 year
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aouhhh 🥺💖💙🥰
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#ngl ive been feeling like a bit sad like... i just miss them sm hfdjks#i just wish so SO soso so badly that i could go home to them both back in the 80s#to be w the loves of my life but ALSO to have someone i can talk music to and we can just talk abt music for hours <33#i can just talk abt it to them and theyll completely understand and give their own thoughts abt whatever song/band/album im talking abt#and id love to hear them go on long insane rants abt their own favorite albums and for them to show me a new album they listened to#something theyd know i like cause we love the same music genres#fuck i just miss them so much... they understand me more than anyone and get along w me more than ANYONE#i couldnt even try to imagine a person who better suites me than them even if i tried to create the perfect person for me#they just ARE already the epitome of perfection for me like we were made to know and love eachother to get along so well to be inseparable#i love them... god i love them both so much just thinking about them always makes me cry#i almost never cry its only ever because of them that i cry...#i miss them so so fucking much i keep thinking about them throughout the day#just imagining me being w them to be able to kiss and hold them and show them just how much i love them both#actually today i was picturing them here w me which is something i never do#i just love and miss them... i feel lonely and just ah... idk i wish i could go off on an adventure w them rn#i want to escape the life im living rn and just run off on the road w them chasing after our dream of being rockstars#tbh id also just love to experience the train together and get to see all that crazy stuff yknow? would make good song writing material lol#idk i feel like i cant truly get into how much i truly love and miss them w/o sounding super depressed and pathetic tbh#so i keep holding myself back from really expressing how i feel abt them
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mollusken · 2 years
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who are those dnd love clerics of yours? what are their backstories, anyway?
Hiii being a sloth as is my nature!!!!! But thanks for asking so I can talk about them! :] I truly wrote half of this out and tumblr deleted it so just know I’m been THRU it to hand u this essay... I hope u enjoy HERE’S THE SUMMARY:
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(art by @camomills)
Seraphina was a cleric I originally played in a game about Gods dying. I made her to be someone who was unknowingly worshipping the wrong god. She ended up switching domains and later doing some introspection(/exploration) I realized she was much better suited to being a Love Cleric following Sune. Seraphina really worked hard to find herself and eventually built a convent where she would welcome other followers of Sune, teach esthetician courses, as well as hold sermons and discuss love and beauty as matters of philosophy and religion. She still struggles with letting people into her life in any meaningful way, and letting herself be truly vulnerable. That's where her story with Valentine really comes into play.
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Valentine is a cleric of Sune whom, upon being born, was foretold to sacrifice herself for love. She really wants to fall in love very badly and knows it is her duty more or less to do so, but there's a part of her that's still running away.
The tragedy of her story is that she often gives herself away in little ways; by handing people this unending love and letting that mean she shrinks herself, or lets herself be hurt in the name of it. She's too busy trying to fight her destiny  -- that of a Big Magical romance -- that subconsciously she is fulfilling it with every step she takes.
I think it's a fun dynamic; to have a character that's more or less running from reflection but very open with her love, and one that's found her path but still has to let herself trust, and explore intimacy.
That's really what they boil down to: both being followers of Sune but imbuing different aspects, and having each other as foils. When Valentine comes to stay at Seraphina's convent the two really connect and learn a lot from each other as equals.
They’re narrative foils, they’re friends with benefits, they’re life long friends and partners and confidants, they’re both so sexy and smart and cute, and they’re impossible to color because Val is so gd neon pink lmfao. THATS THE SHORT OF IT IF YOU’VE ENJOYED THANK YOU FOR ASKING AFTER MY GIRLS 💚 And if you want every gory detail the Long is down below!!!
LONG VERSION Seraphina was a half-elf cleric I originally played in a game about Gods dying and being replaced. I made her to be someone who was unknowingly worshipping the wrong god, which I think was originally some war god. After they fell she found out her powers were from Milil, god of music, but later doing some introspection(/exploration) I realized she was much better suited to being a Love Cleric, and follow Sune. She would later on in life become a huge proponent of self love and expression.
She was a non-committal wreck with a hot streak and a lot of baggage to work through. Her elf mother was distant. She had impossible to meet standards and no recognition of her as an adult, being wholly unfamiliar with human life spans. And her sisters who served as her rivals her entire life in a bid for their mother's affection, and they lashed out at each other in any way possible. Elaborate social games, physical fights, competing achievements; Seraphina was usually invested in the latter due to her aptitude with magic, and less of the first due to being considerably younger than her sisters.
When she realized that what she believed didn’t match up to what she was teaching, and having a bad home life and finding herself struggling to keep up in an environment not suited for her, she lashed out. Both at fellow students the way she used to with her more hardy sisters, and at the convent leaders. Thus she managed to get herself banished and excommunicated.
So very much in survival mode at that point. She lived with a few colleagues as much as she could before moving on, strung along some upper class gentlemen to keep herself within her former social class, lied, stole, etc.
It really wasn't until after her real God fell and she lost her powers that she had to do any kind of introspection and realize that hey, maybe she was like. not dealing with her issues by ignoring them and falling headfirst into substances, and maybe she needed to start taking care of herself and correct her behaviour including lashing out at others, and unpack her upbringing and religious programming.
I left the game after her arc (unrelated) which I would add a bit of a rewrite to later because I honestly don't know if she'd ever forgive her family within their collective lifetimes, even if she did still come about saving them. Also smh I curse my past self sometimes because I gave her an old fiance that came to find her - past me got shy & asked the DM to pull it - but that was honestly the funniest fucking thing. It would've been so good. I'm hilarious relationship drama is the SPICE of D&D & I should’ve trusted my gut smh.
Seraphina really worked hard to find herself and eventually built a convent where she would welcome other followers of Sune, teach esthetician courses, as well as hold sermons and discuss love and beauty as matters of philosophy and religion. She still struggles with letting people into her life in any meaningful way, and letting herself be truly vulnerable with them. That's where her story with Valentine really comes into play.
Valentine is a cleric of Sune whom, upon being born, was foretold to sacrifice herself for love. She grew up very modestly and without parents, just an old nursery maid who housed a small orphanage in her village. She was always a fierce lover. Her childhood was pretty stable compared to Seraphina, and she had a supportive community. Nevertheless as a young woman she decided to head out on her own journey to fulfill her prophecy.
Val is emotional, a little headstrong, and imbued with romantic tendencies that means she'll stop to help anyone who looks in her direction. Her kindness is definitely taken advantage of, and she's susceptible to looking past people's flaws for their strengths, but that doesn’t mean she loves less or stops giving as kindly.
She really craves falling in love and meeting her soulmate -- and she knows it is her duty more or less to do so -- but there's a part of her that's still running away from her fate. A part that still believes she’s not enough, she’s not ready, she doesn’t know how to do so.
So she lets herself get sidetracked with whatever - and whoever - catches her attention. This is how she's ended up in all the different little adventures I've played her in.
The tragedy of her story is that she often gives herself away in little ways; by handing people this unending love and letting that mean she shrinks herself, or letting herself be hurt in the name of it. Even just the amount of time she will dedicate to helping others, no matter the outcome. Good or bad, big or small gestures, she gives.
She's too busy trying to fight her destiny -- which she interprets as some huge giving-her-life-for-a-lover moment or Star-Crossed-Fate-Sealed romance -- that subconsciously she is fulfilling it with every step she takes.
I think it's a fun dynamic; to have a character that's more or less running from reflection but very open with her love, and one that's found her path but still has to let herself trust, and explore intimacy.
That's really what they boil down to: both being followers of Sune but imbuing different aspects, and having each other as foils. When Valentine comes to stay at Seraphina's convent the two really connect and learn a lot from each other as equals.
Seraphina embodies the beauty and self love aspect of Sune, while lacking connection to intimacy (although part of that is her being aromantic & not inherently desiring of romance). Valentine on the other hand, embodies romantic love and compassion but can't really accept herself or love herself as she continues to shy away from her prophecy.
They have a physical/sexual relationship alongside this-- I imagine that being a very open topic/concept with Suneites and that develops more organically in a society that views it as beauty, as self-care, as affection and romance. And less controlled by social stigma.
Although Valentine has a hard time separating her romantic tendencies sometimes and has moments of limerence for Seraphina. They speak freely about it - eventually lol, who would I be if I didn't cause SOME drama - and that helps her work through it. They continue to be good friends until the end of their lives.
Valentine ends up staying at the convent longer than anywhere else she travels. I pictured her eventually moving on, still trying to find the end of her fate. But I think strings would pull her back to visit.
I haven't got to play Valentine for a campaign; she was made for one-shots, so that's why she's a bit more open-ended and her story is the way it is. And although I still think Seraphina's story has places it could go, I think I found a pretty happy ending for her. SO THERE YOU ARE LORE DROP x2!!!!!!! I’m sure I can drop even more in-depth shit if you’re curious about anything else.... I know I have Seraphina family developed and can run thru Val’s adventures..... Or Swannie stuff I have so much Swannie lore..... they both meet her at some point too it’s all connected so....... yk what 2 do 👀 Thank u for taking an interest in my girls and have a good fuckin day just for giving me an excuse to scream about something!!!! 💚 WAHOO
#i hope this answer reaches u well#answered#my ocs#valentine#seraphina#lore drop#THE WAY TUMBLR DELETED ME POURING MY GOD DAMNED HEART OUT ORIGINALLY BC I ACCIDENTALLY CTRL Y-ED#HAD TO REWRITE HALF SO IM SORRY FOR THE DELAY#does not help i am long winded#i wish id done some of seraphina's things Cleaner or like#given her more faith as a character or really understood how to play her/drive her narrative#& im not sure how others read her during the campaign i worry she was only mean or reactive or like badly represented#idk she still holds a piece of my heart and i think she deserves to figure out her shit and live contentedly no matter how long it takes her#n i appreciate her beginnings n tried to shape it into something nice#sera was also my first Real dnd character so i was kind of operating off Canon Lore which is cringe#still wish i knew how that campaign ended & i have no right to answers since we dont talk but also. dm hmu lol#HONESTLY sera has a lot in common with Adaine like her fam had bells RINGINGGGGGG in my head THEYRE THE SAME#it was SO validating to see my story abt family standards and wealth and ELVES and SISTERS echo there#OK EXTRA VAL LORE NOW#val is honestly prob a reflection of anne w an e being out & me reading the first book lol i love her#and after playing sera for a long time i swung the pendulum in the other direction pretty hard#very fun to have her hold fast to hope and wonder in a way that might sometimes be childish naivety#but that also be a blessing in some ways#and have her be very serious#i think she still wants to trust and believe in ppl so bad#esp since she thinks of her story as a Huge Sacrifice shes more willing to let herself be pushed aside and more willing to jump for ppl#ALSO ITS NOT ALL BAD IM NOT SAYING THAT but it goes either way and her self worth suffers for believing shes nothing more than her fate!!!!!#ITS ABT THE TRAGEDY!!!!!!!#shes very simple in a way but beautiful for it n has a lot to say#she also lovesssssss a badboy she falls in love so fast smh its bad
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smrookie · 2 years
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i think i change my mind on richard siken's crush
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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sluggsy · 2 years
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its him!! THE baby boy!!
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chisatowo · 2 years
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Honestly I have not a clue how other writers can describe their story creation processes in a coherent manner and give advice and shit I just black out and come to an hour later with the entire history of a fictional world figured out idk what to tell you
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year
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Top 5 moment of cheeky Sebastian Vettel?
You guys making me choose between my favorite things.....
1. The entirety of his Top Gear interview (x)
2. I already mentioned Abu Dhabi 2009, so: any time he shoves Jenson during 2009:
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3. Him attempting to pull Mark into the pool post-Monaco 2010 (x)
4. Any time he does an impression of another person, but especially when he does it right in front of said-person (x)
5. Most radio moments where he's bitching, but particularly Monaco 2013 when he got the fastest lap "for satisfaction" even tho Rocky told him not to (x)
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scoreplings · 2 years
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also helpful for remembering that my ex is a shithead im better off not having in my life is the fact that whenever i tell anyone how our relationship ended theyre horrified by the way he acted.
#am i embarrassed i put up with that as long as i did? yea#does it make me soooo happy im not putting up with it anymore? also yea <3#helllppp a coworker asked me about it the other day so i explained it to him#and like a half hour later he put down the dishes he was washing and was like. dude what the FUCK i cant stop thinking about how messed up#that is#LOL yea dude i know.#n i wanna say hes evil but hes not really no one is. he just refuses to be accountable for what he does and makes selfish decisions.#he did not wake up and say ‘today i will make Aj soooo so sad and hurt him’#he woke up and said ‘i want to date this guy but dont want to stop fucking this other guy. i will simply keep the boyfriend a secret from#the guy im fucking because i know they wouldn’t be okay with it. its a good thing im doing because they’d be sad if they knew!’#or something along those lines.#dwelling on it is not good i think i am abt to go to sleep instead#makes me sad tho. good part of me hopes he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes he should treat the people who care about him better#selfish part of me hopes he ruins every relationship he has for the rest of his life and dies alone. (<- i dont actuslly want this id be so#sad. i am just mad because i am angry)#dwelling for 1 more second actually LOL he didnt even just keep the boyfriend a secret he lied to my face about it and spent six months#telling me he didnt even like the guy and wouldn’t date because he’d never want a relationship to get in the way of what we had. teehee#and that even if he did like the guy he’d never date him because he didnt want to hurt me like that. and he loved me. LOL.#after he told me he ghosted me for a week and when i finally got him to talk he said he regretted nothing and couldnt understand why i was#upset. hahaaha. and that i should keep it to myself and be happy for him. and that he was just with the guy because he was ‘more available’#than i was.#teehee. sorry. i am dwelling again i just cannot get over how fucked it all is#and the boyfriend was my other best friend. teehee. and they are still together even though i explained what my ex did. <3#i cannot wait to move oh my god i need to not see this mf every day at work or im gonna never stop thinking abt it.#whateverrr. i kiss my bf in two days 💚
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