#but idk i wish for idols to be able to have time for themselves too

[goldennika]

i watched Jungwon's My Little Day ep thinking it would be a healing ep like Beomgyu's but it made me just want to give Jungwon a tight hug bc damn, he really gave up his youth for his career and that he doesn't really know who he is as a person and doesn't know what/how to have fun outside of work

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[sunoksunny]

enhypen as songs in my playlist

tw: angst, insecurites, 1 (one) mention of dying, being left out, comparing themselves to others, needing to be perfect, and being forced to grow up (idk if these really count as tw but whatever)

word count: 1.2k

a/n: okay i didn’t mean for it to be sad but it gets kinda sad because most of the songs in the specific playlist I used have sad lyrics soooooo yea...

speaking of my playlist!! you can listen to it here! 

Heeseung

I scared all my friends away - beard

“I’ll try my best

To be who you think I should be”

Heeseung definitely feels a lot of pressure as the oldest

He knows the other members look up to him

So I think he tries to portray himself as always being strong and capable

When in reality he might be barely holding it together

I don't think he ever opens up about his own emotions to the others

And I think this might lead them to believe heeseung doesn’t trust them

But in reality heeseung just doesn’t want them to worry:(

“I tried my best to explain but it was too late

They’d already moved on”

Jay

I don't wanna be funny anymore - lucy dacus

I don't wanna be funny anymore - lucy dacus

“I don't want the joke to be on me

Yeah, I’ll buy the clothes and I’ll be the best dressed”

THIS SONG IS LITERALLY JAY

He is the mood maker of the group, and I think he is happy making the others laugh and giving them relief through having fun

But I think he wants to be seen as more than just that

He feels like people only see him as the “funny one”

He wants people to recognize him for his talents and skills too

So I think he tries many other things to find something he really enjoys

To make that his main thing instead of the mood maker

I think sometimes jay just wishes he could play a different role in the group

“Yeah, I’ll read the books and I’ll be the smartest

I’ll play guitar and I’ll be the artist”

Jake

It's ok I wouldn’t remember me either - crywank

“Let you forget that you were once my friend

Then watch another, go on and do better without me”

I think jake likes being needed

This might be why he is so happy to entertain niki

Because he wants to feel like his time and energy are welcome and necessary

I feel like he still has some insecurities from i-land

I think he felt separated from the rest in the sense that he hadn’t trained for as long as some of the others

He tries to make up for it by being a person the others can rely on to keep them stable and comforted

But I feel like he still feels a bit unworthy, or that someone who trained longer or had more experience should have debuted instead of him

“I want to end reality but I feel hesitant

Optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present”

Sunghoon

Tummy in the blood - the yellow dress

“There is one perfect way of being

And I know that I will find it out someday”

Sunghoon definitely feels the need to be perfect

He wants to prove to others that being an idol was the right choice

But mainly he wants to prove that to himself

And sunghoon sees anything less than perfect as failing

I think he probably pushes himself too hard trying to be perfect

And I bet he compares himself to others a lot

Things like “why can’t I sing like heeseung?” “why can’t I dance like niki?”

The pressure that he felt from being a figure skater didn’t leave when he became an idol

Since some people attributed his success as a figure skater to his looks

He is worried that people will do the same now

So he constantly tries to be perfect at everything else so people can't say that

I hope he knows he’s doing great just how he is </3

“The chances of finding ourselves home again

Of finding ourselves in the same way”

Sunoo

Where’d all the time go? - dr. dog

“There’s nothing to keep you

From falling in love”

Sunoo is a very loving person by nature

He probably trusts too quickly

But he somehow always ends up trusting the right people

Sunoo is able to make people feel comfortable

Without even trying

Like you can see how the other members are so whipped for him

He will breathe and they all go

“Omg sunoo you are so cute”

Sunoo makes deep connections with the people he is around

While I think he enjoys the positive attention he gets from being cute

He probably doesn’t really like getting babied….

Like to an extent it’s fine

But when he sees people being like “oh he's just a baby he won't understand”

He probably gets annoyed lolol cuz he wants to be seen as more than just cute

“You know I get so forgetful

When I look in your eyes”

Jungwon

Johnny boy - twenty one pilots

“Get up ‘cause the world

Has left you lying on the ground”

You get it? Cuz his english name is johnny?

Anyways

Jungwon has been underestimated as a leader just because he is young

This is probably veryyyyy annoying for him

He definitely gives someone a side eye if they mention his age when talking about how he is the leader

He is also overlooked in general because he is younger

When jungwon was in i-land, everyone kinda just….

Ignored his talents? Almost?

Like in the bts test he wasn’t seen as a rival

He sometimes feels like the world just disregards him

Jungwon probably acts more mature so people don’t comment on his age or ability to lead as much

But he forgets that sometimes he just needs to be a kid

Out of all the enhypen members, I think he is the most secretive

In the sense that you can’t read him as easily as the others

He is very good at hiding what he thinks and feels

“No one really knows his mind

And no one knows behind his eyes”

Niki

Last words of a shooting star - mitski

“I always wanted to die clean and pretty

But I'd be too busy on working days”

Niki works himself to death

He strives for nothing less than perfection and is extremely hard on himself

He scolds himself for making a mistake as if he just committed a war crime

Niki often tells himself harsh things, claiming they are “truths” or “realities”

But they are actually just him being way too hard on himself

He can never be good enough by his own standards

And it is eating him alive

You guys saw that recent -note right? He doesn’t see his own progress

Niki can’t recognize his growth and development because he only focuses on what he can improve on

And while wanting to improve is a good thing, I think niki takes it too far to where it is going to harm him if it hasn’t already

Niki is another member who was forced to mature wayyy too quickly

People tend to forget that he is just a kid, and even in i-land they didn’t treat him like one

Others in i-land saw his talent in dancing and viewed him as a rival instead of a child, who was still growing and easily affected by his surroundings

Niki needs to be able to act like a kid and laugh and do childish things while he still can

I think heeseung and jake help him remember that and I’m glad they remind him that it’s okay to mess around and have fun

“Til you cry all night you’ll never understand

Til you learn to love you’ll never learn to dance

Til you think too much you’ll never grow up

Til you learn to talk and you never shut up”

 ^ Ramblings of a dying adolescent - current joys (bonus lyrics for niki)

[ticklish-n-stuff]

HELLO BUDDY!! I hope you're having a wonderful week so far! May I request for Ler!Hiiro or Aira with lee!Mayoi? His such a shy baby, deserves all the love!

Cheer up

HI PATTYCAKE! I finally got some inspo for this fic so I hope you like it~ It's been thundering very loudly in my area and idk my brain was like 'make that into a fic' so here I am lol. Idk if Mayoi is afraid of thunder but he shrieks a lot so I imagine he can get startled easily (and is in need of cheer up tks akdhkahdja)

___________________________________________

Mayoi x Hiiro (interpret as you wish)

Lee: Mayoi

Ler: Hiiro

Warnings: Tickles!

___________________________________________

It was early in the afternoon, although anyone would've confused it with being late in the evening from how dark and grey the sky looked. It had been raining abundantly for the past few hours, even rays of thunder struck every so often. Because of the horrible weather, idol practice had been cancelled for the time being and the members of Alkaloid found themselves cooped up in their shared room. Hiiro looked like a hyperactive kid who was put in timeout, not being able to stay still in the same spot for more than two seconds. On the other hand, Mayoi was cooped up under his blankets, the loud thunder made him very uneasy. Hiiro noticed how Mayoi's body shook out of fear. "Hey, are you alright?".

Mayoi softly nodded his head, but not long after another ray of thunder struck, it was so loud even the windows vibrated. The purple haired male couldn't help but shriek out of fear, hiding deeper under the covers.

He didn't like seeing his friend all scared like that. Hiiro thought for a moment on what he could do to help distract Mayoi in the meantime and that's when it hit him. While Mayoi was too busy hiding under the covers, Hiiro started to poke at his covered torso, blindly seeking out any of his tickle spots.

"EEP! W-what are you doHOing?!" Mayoi would squeak at each poke, his body now trembling from the ticklish shocks he felt.

"Cheering you up of course! Now let's get this pesky blanket out of the way~" Hiiro felt way too giddy in this situation. He playfully tugged at Mayoi's covers, exposing him in one fell swoop. "That's better~ Now... smile for me!" the redhead lost no time scribbling his fingers all over Mayoi's torso, making sure to attack every spot he could find.

"GYAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mayoi was still shrieking, but atleast now it wasn't because of the thunder. He didn't do much to defend himself, he just hugged his torso and got lost in his bouts of laughter.

"Tickle tickle tickle~" Hiiro would tease as his fingers flew from one spot to another. One moment he'd be digging into Mayoi's ribs, then he'd shove his hands up into his armpits, and then he'd softly scribble along the sides of his neck. Always keeping him on edge on where he'd strike next.

It was a very effective technique as Mayoi would shriek and dissolve into bubbly laughter every time Hiiro hit a new spot. His smile was so wide even his flushed cheeks started to ache a bit. Not that he minded, his obnoxious laughter managed to drown out all the noise from outside.

Seeing as his laugh was starting to go silent, Hiiro decided to stop tickling him. Mayoi instantly gasped for air, his soft, leftover giggles still filling up the room. The redhead couldn't help but laugh along with him. Once their laughter had calmed down, they noticed that it was awfully quiet out. Looks like the rain had finally stopped. It was embarrassing to admit, but Mayoi felt much more at ease thanks to his partner's tactics.

___________________________________________

[chanstopher]

genuine question, if you get a chance to meet chan what will you say and do? I have this thought coming up in my mind nowadays...

I'm that type of person that if I like someone or if I admire someone I feel very shy but i really want them to be my friends you know that feeling?

When it comes to thinking about Chan and if one day I get to meet him not like in fansigns or anything but like one on one without any interruptions or work/his idol life in the way it feels weird....... AHHHHHHHH!

I mean I would be nice to him since he's been always nice to us and basically anyone but deep inside I really just want to be part of his life in a way where we are great friends and get to talk to him and ask how his day went and how he is doing?

Idk maybe I'm just weird ahahahahahaha but the thought of just having to talk to him and interacting with him to me feels like a special moment, and i envy those that go to fansigns not because they can talk to him or the members but how brave they are to do that... Thoughts?

that is a hell of a question lol Im not really sure to be honest. I'd like to pretend I’d be able to think of something good to ask or talk to him about but i think that the fact that i adore and admire him so much would leave me a bit stunned if i got the chance to meet him, and i'd end up just mumbling out how much he means to me in some very embarrassing kind of way.

I completely get the feeling of just wanting to know him, I generally find myself curious of what his opinion of random things is, like when i watch something, or read something I'm like damn I wonder what Chris would think of this. or like if i go stargazing with my best friend, or we go to the beach to collect shells my brain is always like damn wish chris were here too he'd enjoy it. I dont think its weird, I think with how close he presents himself as a friend with channies room, and bubble its not hard to almost picture him as one. I think on top of the general awe of him being such a talented idol, the fact that he feels close and available makes it easier to let your mind wonder of what it would be like if he genuinely was available.

i think as long as we dont let our brains get reality too twisted theres nothing wrong with wondering about what it would be like to befriend and know him or any of the boys. i think kpop in general opens that idea up, and skz not really upholding a typical idol image by being themselves all the time makes it easier to picture as someone you could just sit in talk to over a meal with about nothing at all.

[tropicalchiaa]

Him

Maurizio Gucci x reader

Your little getaway is interrupted by a familiar tall handsome man.

Hello, this is my first little blurb so please be kind and enjoy, or don’t Idk lol

Also yes he was probably racist but...we won’t dwell on that 

It was not unusual for people to stare when you walked by, a matter of fact everywhere you went. It’s not often they saw such beautiful affluent black women. Especially one that did not have to marry for her riches. While you did have the support of your parents and their riches you had taken the silver spoon given and you had turned it into a 24k gold spoon. 

Who were you, “Y/N L/N” the praised luxury fashion designer who got her to start working with other people of color being overlooked by the big, bad, and racist luxury brands. Oh was this an uphill battle but where you guys are right now made it all worth it, your fashions being worn by big stars around the world. It gave you so much joy to be able to give young black girls an idol and to be different from other designers.

You were in Milan for fashion week when you had decided to stay a week longer and check out a ski resort that has been the rave of the industry. So you packed up your crew and decided to spoil them for all their hard work through the season. To your surprise, the resort was not packed which was surprising for how beautiful the snowy mountains looked. But you reveled in the seclusion and were determined to unwind and enjoy this time before you had to jump back into work.

It was the second night at dinner after a long day of skiing and enjoying company that you saw him, Maurizio Gucci, accompanied by his wife. You had seen him the week before during fashion week but paid him no mind, not even when you would feel his lingering stares and he would “accidentally” run into you. He was the enemy and we do not break bread and chat with the enemy, no matter how cute they are.

 “ “Y/N/N” is that who I think it is?” your assistant and close friend said. You cut her off with a clipped “Yes!”, turning your head away already feeling your headache coming back with full force. There goes your peaceful week, now you are going to spend your time avoiding this man's lustful gaze and attempts to get your employees to work at the coveted House of Gucci. When you looked back to make sure your eyes were not deceiving you, you saw the large man break out into a huge smile waving at you as if you guys were the best of friends. “UGH” even worse, he knows you are here too. 

While you tried to enjoy your dinner and company, you were in another hemisphere distracted. He has spoiled your mood and you haven't even talked to him. Telling your team to stay and enjoy themselves, you head up to your room despite the protest. As you were asking the front desk to send up a bottle of wine you are startled by a booming voice saying “Look who it is, the illustrious “Y/N L/N” all shall bow in her presence.” You turn to see a tipsy borderline drunk Maurizio. “Hello to you too Maurizio, although I am not quite as happy to see you as you are to see me.” He frowns, but you smile as you deliver that punch walking to the elevator, hoping to lose him someway, somehow. 

But that joy is short-lived when you hear loud footsteps following you and his voice saying “Why are you such a BITCH!” A small pause happening as you whip around making him halt with a slight wobble. He continues “I have shown I am more than interested in you but you seem to throw that by the wayside and act so nasty.”  How dare he! “ How dare you call me a bitch, when I have simply rejected the advances of a womanizer tycoon who seems to be out to take over my life!” You take a step closer, “ Not to mention you have a wife and children who are probably waiting for you to come to wish them goodnight.” Now huffing in his face bourbon floods your senses and makes you slightly hazy.  You take a step back but are stopped by hands wrapping around you, pulling you into a kiss filled with passion. You tried to resist but end up melting into the kiss, loving the feeling of now. When you did come to your senses you gave him a more powerful push that created the much-needed gap between you guys. 

“Oh Fuck” you whispered touching your lips, “Fuck, fuck, fuck” you just messed up bad but was it really your fault. I mean you thoroughly enjoyed it but you weren't supposed to, for crying out loud he was your enemy and MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. When you look back up at him he has a big dopey smile on his face, which made you mad for some reason. “Finally, you do not know how long I have been wanting to kiss your plump lips. They were much better than I could have ever dreamt about.” Maurizio says as he steps towards you trying to go in for round two. Seeing this you successfully evade him and stumble backward. 

“NO, no, this is never going to happen again,” you said, wondering where this stupid elevator is. And like an answered prayer the elevator doors open revealing his wife looking very upset. You took this as your chance to escape but before you could he took you into a strong hug whispering “ I know you are here for the whole week, the fun is just getting started” Kissing you on the cheek before giving you a slight push into the elevator.As the doors close you can hear the couple arguing and you let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding. “What the fuck did I just get myself into,” you say out loud sighing and grabbing the railing for support. This was going to be a long-ass week.

Pt 2

Pt 3

Pt 4

Pt 5

Pt 6

[yayeetsonny]

Always tell the truth~ USWNT x Baby Reader

A/N: Hi ya’ll, yes I’m still alive, I’m sorry I went MIA for Idk how many months. My life just got turned upside down and I got a job and I’ve just been so busy. But I’m officially back and will be getting to all the requests I’ve received soon. This wasn’t a request but I got this idea from another fic I read so I hope you enjoy - N

Y/N PRO//

At 18 years old I’ve got so many activities and responsibilities sometimes I wonder how I’m still functioning. I’m a senior in high school, an honor student, a theatre geek and most of all I’m a pro soccer player for the United States Women’s National team. Its amazing, I’m living out my dream of playing the greatest game alongside some of my idols and we’re like one big, goofy dysfunctional family. My parents, while they love me and support me, aren’t around much and aren’t the most attentive. But my teammates make up for it by acting like overprotective, hovering moms whenever we’re together. 

I’d just gotten to the facility where we were gathering for our first team training of this camp. I was extremely excited to see my teammates. 

 I walked into the meeting room quietly and I saw everyone just talking among themselves; they had yet to notice me, so I took full advantage of this. I walked up behind Mal, made a shh gesture to Alex who made eye contact with me and took a deep breath, then I let out an ear piercing yell. Mal and anyone else who hadn’t seen me jumped 10 feet in the air. Poor Mal was in a heap on the floor, clutching her chest while the others were laughing and trying to compose themselves.

“What the- Y/N!”

“That’s me!”

“Hey kiddo! Quite the entrance you made there.”

“I know, I apologize I just couldn’t resist. Sorry Mal.”

I helped her off the floor and wrapped her in a hug.

“You good?” I giggled

“Yeah, you just gave me a heart attack, no big.” She giggled back

I made my rounds, gave and received hugs and hellos and then I went to sit with everyone for the start of the meeting. I rolled up the sleeves of my hoodie and got comfortable since these meetings tend to be long. Alex was on one side of me and Mal was on the other. I didn’t notice the giant bruise on my arm but Alex did.

“Y/N? Where’d you get that bruise?”

“Bruise? What are you talking about?” I say looking at her like she had grown two heads.

“That nasty looking one, where’d you get it?” She said pointing at my arm but not breaking eye contact with me.

I looked at the bruise for a minute, studying it, trying to figure out where it came from. I genuinely couldn’t remember hurting myself or hitting my arm hard enough to leave a bruise

“Oh, uh I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Doesn’t it hurt?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay… are you sure you don’t know where it’s from?

“Yes I’m sure.”

“Okay well if it starts to hurt or gets worse for whatever reason let me know and I’ll get some cream for it.”

I could tell Alex didn’t believe the whole “I don’t know” response but its the truth and she let it drop anyways so whatever. 

Mal just looked at me curiously

“What was that about?” She whispered

“Oh nothing, Alex is just being overprotective as usual.” I whispered back

The meeting was long as I predicted but when it was finally over we were sent to change for practice. On the way there I let Mal hop on my back, once she was on and comfortable she yelled 

“Onward trusty steed!”

“Your wish is my command!” I said as we both giggled

I carried her all the way there and then gently set her down and went to get changed. 

I was talking to Christen whose locker happened to be next to mine and she was telling me about her dogs and how much she misses them, I was beginning to tell her about my dog and how much I miss him when I saw her staring at my arm.

“Hello? Earth to Christen?”

I waved my hand in front of her face trying to get her attention and after a minute it worked.

“Huh? Oh sorry, I don’t mean to stare, it’s just that bruise on your arm looks quite painful, what happened?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I can’t seem to remember.” I said shrugging

“You don’t remember? Are you sure?” She said looking at the bruise and back at me worriedly

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay.”

I could tell she too didn’t believe me but I’m not sure what else to say, I can’t just make up some story about what happened. Okay well I could but that would be lying and I’ve always been a terrible liar.

I decided to just forget about those two interactions for the time being and focus on giving my all this camp so that the coaches know I can be trusted to step up when they need me to. 

We started out with some warm ups, then did some sprints, passing drills, shooting drills, set piece work, PK practice and to wrap it up like always we had a scrimmage. My team consisted of, Chris, Alyssa, Crystal, Sam and myself, the other team consisted of Alex, Tobin, Ashlyn, Ali and Lindsey. 

The scrimmage was pretty normal, a few goals for each side my team unfortunately coming up short by one goal, as the other team celebrated my teammates and I pretended to be upset and pouted about the loss. 

“Oh cheer up guys, you’ll get us next time… maybe.” Ash said giggling

“Yeah, yeah. You guys only won because I got distracted by a butterfly on that last play.” Sam said 

Everyone just stared at her blankly

“What? It was really pretty! Didn’t you guys see it?”

We all just started cracking up at that. I was able to pull myself together enough to ask the question everyone was thinking

“You-you really got distracted by a butterfly during the game Sammy?”

“Yes, and?”

“It’s just as funny hearing it a second time” I said before laughing again 

“You guys are mean.” She pouted

“You love us.” Ali said, reaching up and ruffling Sam’s hair. 

After practice the team all got on the bus and went back to the hotel we were staying at. Vlatko booked out a whole floor just for us since he knows how loud we can be and didn’t want to deal with angry neighbors. Not again, after last time. This time I’d be rooming with Ali, we didn’t get put together often but I always enjoy when we do. It helps us bond and I’m always learning new things about her. 

I was going to meet them there later however because I had to go see my parents at their request, my dad said something about it being urgent. I got in a team van and went to see them.

After several hours I was finally able to go back to the hotel and be there for the rest of the night. My parent’s seem to have had a change of heart about my career choice, they went on and on about the sudden need for me to join the family business and how my only goal in life should now be to live up to their legacy. I hated every minute of it, I was so ready to get Into my comfortable clothes and head to get something to eat. When I got to the room I’d be sharing with Ali I opened the door to an empty room. She must be with Ash. I thought.

 I decided to get changed and see if I could find her. As I was changing I didn’t hear the door open and only knew my roommate had arrived when I heard a gasp

“Y/N… What happened babe?”

“Ali, Hi. What do you mean? Nothing’s happened.”

“ So that big bruise on your arm, the one on your shoulder and the one going all the way down your spine aren’t anything?” 

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You obviously know what I’m talking about.”

“No I don’t, I only knew about the one on my arm, after Alex pointed it out. Otherwise I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the mirror in the bathroom, spun me around and said 

“Those bruises, Y/N, where’d you get them?” 

“Oh… I don’t know.” 

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t, that’s the truth.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and besides, we are soccer players, I probably just got them in practice.”

“Y/N… I’ll ask again, where are those bruises from?”

“I. Don’t. Know.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Fine then, don’t believe me. First Alex, then Christen and now you. This is just great, my teammates think I’m a liar. Well I’m not and I’m telling you the truth.”

I brushed by her and stormed out of the room, now determined to avoid my teammates so they’d stop asking questions and questioning my honesty.

I’m not a liar. I don’t know where I got the bruises, I don’t know why they won’t believe me.

A/N: Okayyyy... sorry for the sort of cliff hanger? I can’t type anymore for now because my wrists hurt too bad. (Work messed them up lol) so this’ll be a two part imagine, sorry!- N

Not really edited

[accio-victuuri]

Do you ever think there will come a day when they can interact in public again? I just keep thinking like….the c-ent world is not THAT big and they’re both hot commodities currently so like……someone’s gotta want both of them for some project or show or something at some point. I know it’s going to happen eventually, but I just wonder if they’ll have been able to idk say hi to one another publicly before that at least lol. Please lord anything but a foot tap with a water bottle 🤲🏻

Hello Anon! Lol at the foot tap with, it’s not a bottle. It’s a Zwilling pink tumblr! 😂 I’m wondering if I should buy it cause of it’s significance. 😂😂

They will interact in public again. They will allow themselves to be photographed with their friends out and about. It will happen. Only time will tell. At some point, these two will really put their foot down and make it clear that their “fans” have no say in their personal relationships. that includes friends and acquaintances. I want both of them to have friends. to have close personal relationships. I’m a fan and I know I won’t be here forever and I have my limits too.

This wish is not only for them, but the other countless relationships in c-ent that got affected because of fanwars. Those that were bullied by their own fans into ending friendships that would have been healthy for them. The idea of me and my idol only is outdated. This romanticizing of an idol’s or celebrity’s isolation is really disgusting. 💀

[davemurrayy]

I need to talk about David Desrosiers.

I honestly don’t know how many people know me enough in my real life to understand just how much of an idol he was to me when I was super young. Way too young to be listening to bands like Simple Plan in the first place... circa 2003 - a year after No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls came out - when I was 10 years old and already into boys with black hair and eyeliner and lip piercings. But he was one of my very first idk..... obsessions? Muses? Crushes? Whatever he was, he was my favorite.

He’s the reason I love bass players and bass lines and he’s the reason I swept my hair to the side and wore converse and stripes in 6th grade. I even have a bass guitar because of him. I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to be somebody that he would think was cool if he ever met me at a concert or some stupid shit like that. I replayed that one part of the “Welcome To My Life” music video that showed an up close view of him doing background vocals over and over and over because I thought he was the EPITOME of cute with his brown eyes and pretty smile. I low-key still do. You really can’t take the pop-punk out of the kid.

A few months ago a fan tweeted allegations of sexual misconduct against him. David acknowledged he had a problem and stated he was withdrawing from the band and seeking professional help.

This is gonna get fucking blasted but I don’t think David is a monster. Cancel culture is the most toxic shit on the fucking internet and tweeting him telling him he’s a piece of shit isn’t going to help his situation. He needs to be encouraged to learn from the mistakes he made and I’m sure he understands that this will follow him through the rest of his life. He certainly won’t be a part of Simple Plan any more.

From what I understand, (and it may not be much, who knows what the fuck is true on the internet), David has had trouble with his mental state for quite some time. Evidently he has ADHD and as most fans of the band know, he took two years off to deal with crippling depression. We don’t know what kind of other trauma he may have endured through his life or what went on during his absence.

I’m scared for David. I don’t want him to hurt himself. Obviously I can’t do anything about that because I’m just some dumbass on tumblr but he meant so much to me. I hope that whoever he hurt can heal. I hope that he can heal. I hope that this isn’t the last that I see of him. And as a fan, I don’t feel like I need to completely write him off. I think everyone deserves a chance to better themselves.

I think he made bad choices and said things he shouldn’t have. But so have a lot of us. From just watching him all my life and listening to him talk and do interviews and watching DVDs of the band, I’ve never gotten bad vibes from him. He’s just always been a lovable goofball. He loves animals and just seems like he tries to be a good person. Good people also make mistakes.

Idk I guess I just wanted to say I support him in getting the help he needs and I just hope that this doesn’t drag him into a depression he can’t get out of. I also hope the person he hurt is able to recover. I hope the rest of the band doesn’t abandon him as friends.

I wish I could talk to him.

Shit fuckin sucks.

[x-exo]

*slides into your asks with a rose in my mouth* why hello, tis me!

Apologies for the long wait but your favorite long asks anon is here and OOF so much has happened. Let us break it down one by one lol

Monsta x our beans, welp we can officially say we are army wives for them because shownu is now at the military and just welp this feels weird lol. I lowkey forgot he was meant to enlist so when the news came out I went through so many emotions. Its why the latest comeback feels a bit bittersweet to me. It is their BEST for sure and for this year, I agree so to not see him perform right before he left is a bit sad. I don't blame him of course (if anyone does i am fish slapping you) but just a shame. I'm happy we do get content with him still? Seems pre-planned so that is nice!

Onto legends exo, fantastic comeback. I cannot stop listening to the album, its just bops full of bops to me. They broke so many records and I'm over here sipping my tea because fudge yes. It isn't a full member comeback, 2 of the members featured in the comeback are off playing call of duty and they still did THAT. While having lay properly in the comeback!? (Or at least some form, better than tempo era!) Kyungsoo my beloved, the man that can swoon you off your feet, his proper solo album. Omg I am just in love? The album feels like a Playlist that you hear while taking a walk or on a raodtrip? I love it, I just love everything about this with how much thought was given. It makes me feel warm and I'm so proud of him (I think he even got a first win) but sadly xiumin got the it shall not be named virus D: I feel so bad and I can only hope he gets better! It makes me worried because I keep seeing more and more idols getting sick and I can't help but wonder why don't the kpop entertainment just put a pause with stuff? Of course that is VERY unrealistic, I am aware that is naive for me to think but its just so idk how to word it properly (my English brain is not working I am sorry) I cannot help the feeling of while I get people are being safe and yes we need to still live like normal beings, is it worth risking idols health just for some entertainment? Idk how to explain my thoughts properly but maybe I hope I made sense!!

Onto svt! That is perfectly fine to not vibe with a comeback! I will admit, I didn't fully vibe with this comeback and it shocked me because every comeback was a hit to me. Even fear, left and right or homerun where I know many fans were split on, I liked but RTL was a grower. For me, listening to it without watching the mv, helped it alot and it is a song I like. Is it their best? No I don't think so but it is alright to say "hey I didn't bop to this, not my cup of tea" (imo I blame the mv? The mv REALLY didn't do the song justice at all, I am sorry if I sound like a fake fan but this mv Just is bad in all aspects. Sure we have some pretty shots but like it just doesn't fit at all?) So if anything listening to the song or wishing the live performances does it better. Seeing the choreography amps the song up more, cannot go wrong with their dancing. As for the rest of the songs, I admit game boy is my top favorite? Idk if it is because I am a gaming nerd and found all the production of the song so creative but yeah. We can wait for the next comeback! Svt always have something up their sleeves, plus we do have their music projects to look forward too (I wonder when we will get one? Seeing as RTL promotions stopped) some positive news with the boys is they resigned like a year before their contract ends and I'm a bit emotional :') I'm excited to see the boys future projects. We did have caratland recently! Did you watch it if I may ask? We did get in the soop confirmation so I'm excited to watch that, the boys deserve that nice break (even if it was filmed for a show fjsbsns)

Ok I think that is it for kpop updates? XD I do hope life has been treating you kindly! Life has been a bit all over the place sadly so I hope it wasn't like that for you as well! Until next time my bean!

hii!!!! omg sorry for the late reply i've been pretty busy these days 🙈

indeed so much has happened! and much more since you sent this ask omg!!

our shownu is at war *looks into the distance* *wipes away tear* *sighs* by now I got used to enlistment news (see what happens when you stan 2nd and 3rd gen groups) but STILL [[IT HURT]] when they uploaded the monchannel videos of his goodbye day like ????? what kind of twisted mind diuhdfuihdifuhs but the boys were all so cute and soft but they seemed so sad they didn't want to let go of their super leader :(( I hope he's learning lots and making new friends (and also we've got our international super spy yoo kihyun giving us small updates on him every now and then so everything's fine!). Yeah I totally get you it felt empty without him this comeback and at first it didn't really clicked with me but when the enlistment news came out i understood he had to take care of his health and thoroughly check on his eye sight in order to be 100% ready for the military so it made sense he had to be absent :( everything was so close (the comeback and enlistment) that I'm sure there was no other way for doing it I'm pretty sure he couldn't maybe postpone the enlistment day any further

onto exo! my ksoo my soft boi my romantic boi 🥺 his album is so him SO HIM i can't explain it bur it's just HIM you know it's the type of album you'd play on loop on a summer afternoon when you've taken your papers and paints outside in the garden to paint a bit with the warm soft breeze moving the trees lightly 🤧 and he signs in English and SPANISH (he did it for me) my multilingual king he's a native. Also I've been watching Honeymoon Tavern with Jongin these days and OMG i could d word for him really (if you haven's watched it go do it when you have time) he's SO SOFT and SO CUTE and he works as a waiter and a wedding planner and helps with the room preparations and is also a tour guide and he's just so cute so happy al the time the way he interacts with everyone is so 🥺🤧😭 onto more serious stuff now: yeah i was so worried about minseok catching covid omg but i'm glad he went through it with our any major complication and the rest of the boys are safe too! I guess the industry doesn't stop bc that would mean a huge loss of thousands and thousands of dollars/won/etc so as long as the gov doesn't prohibit going out or gathering like at the beginning of the pandemic, they'll keep on going with the idols' schedules otherwise the industry would just shut down having no way of earning money to sustain all the companies and idols.

as for seventeen! yeah i like the songs too! the mv sure ruined rtl and listening to it without watching it has really helped it grow on me more but still it feels kind of meh to me idk i really like anyone i think it's my favourite from the album. AND NOW WE'VE GOT A COMEBACK IN OCTOBER!!!! yayyyyy i can't wait they seem to be preparing very diligently (i hope they release a sexy bop) it's a shame junhao aren't gonna be present for this comeback but i'm soooooo happy they have the opportunity to visit their families again omg they have spent 2 whole years without seeing them in the flesh they must be so happy to get back to them again!!! it's so funny seeing them be bored at the quarantine hotel and doing lives every day duhdfiudhfiuh i hope it passes quickly and they can see their loved ones finally! and I did watch Caratland!! omg the unit switch song was the best thing ever hhu doing lilili yabbay and not being able to stop laughing idfuhdifuhs perf team doing chocolate and owning it????? hello??? performance team more like main vocal team wow! and the vocal team being a complete mess during check in lmaooo i loved it! In The Soop has finally started!!! I love these kind of "normal life" concepts I love seeing the boys being themselves cooking and relaxing I've watched the first and second eps as of today and also few clips from the third and omg mingyu and jeonghan drowning in the pond dfuhidfhidfs lmao they're so dumb i love them 🤣 i'm glad they could go away for a few days and spend time together away from their hectic schedules!

I hope you're well now and if not hang in there it'll all pass soon enough! 🥰💕 bye bye!!

p.s.: I got your request for the svt this or that gifset and i promise i’ll do it one day i just don’t feel like giffing these days dhbduusi i’m out of energy 

[ohnobjyx]

Idk much about the c- entertainment industry, so what are the chances that these 2 will actually get to work together again in the future? what with rumours about an upcoming drama flying around and the amount of backlash both have received from their cpf, is it possible that their management would let this happen?

Hi, anon! Wow, this was the first ask I received, but the answer is such a difficult one that I took days to start writing. I’ve thought much about this, but I still think that my answer carries a certain naïveté, because the entertainment industry is a complicated one, much more than we can imagine. I’ll just update this if I get corrected or find out something new that changes the content of this post.

In short: in my opinion, it won’t be soon (if ever). 

(Long answer behind the cut. The longest until now. Happy reading!). 

Disclaimer: while this is not all fake, we are talking about very hypothetical scenarios and in no case I believe them to be absolutely true. Bear in mind that I’m an outsider to the entertainment industry, that my knowledge is superficial and may carry my own interpretation of the industry, which may not be accurate. From here on, I express my opinion, so I may be wrong. 

First of all, it all comes down to money. 

Both of them work for different companies, WYB for YH and XZ for WJJW. It’s been said that these two companies are rivals in every sense of the world in the entertainment industry (I got it from this post), so I think a new collab between them would have to bring them a lot of benefits for them to give it a green light. 

But all the same, while one of them is getting profits, the other one is getting them as well, so it may not be in their best interest to collaborate. Just keep in mind that the c-society is a very competitive one, so I think that just because of this it would be very difficult for them. 

Then how did they film The Untamed? 

They both got their roles by participating in the casting by themselves, without the support from their companies. 

WYB was criticized by his fans for trying again and again for a role in a BL drama, instead of a sports drama. He lost some fans because of this, so I don’t think YH would be delighted by this. 

XZ got his role earlier, but it was all the same trying by himself. I think he said in an interview that he had to get to the site on taxi, paying himself.

Edit: XZ was actually recommended to the producer and the casting chose him because of his smile. He was offered the role and he accepted it (so WJJW still had nothing to do with him getting the role). The thing with the taxi was one of his earlier projects, when he was still relatively unknown. 

But at the time, they weren’t so famous, so their companies let them do as they pleased. In my opinion their reasoning went along the lines of “if it’s successful, it’ll bring us money, and if it’s not, there’s nothing better for them to do”.

That was before, and now things are extremely different. There are more profitable things for them to do, the companies won’t let them “waste” their time in shows they don’t consider as lucrative. Even if they want to collaborate, now their companies are more invested in them, so they aren’t as free as before to choose what they want to do. 

And we have to take into consideration how their relationship is with their company (remember, this is my pov, maybe irl it’s completely different). 

I believe that YH encouraged WYB to look for works as a tv show host and as an actor, as well as producing solo songs, since it was difficult to promote UNIQ in China with the hanliu ban from the government. 

However, WJJW’s CEO did say that they would like to center their employees (such as XZ) in works more related to music, such as boy bands. They don’t encourage the idols to try acting or other works. However, XZ is better known as an actor, not as a singer, so this placed him in a difficult position, from which he tried to get out of (in the trial between XZ and WJJW in May 2019 XZ withdrew the charges and they settled it out of court). 

Okay this was the economy of the issue. Now comes the funny part. 

If they were to collaborate again soon (as in the next 5 years) they would need to settle this: are you two together? And preferably a lot sooner, rather than announcing it with their next drama together. 

If they are cast into a usual heterosexual relationship drama, no matter what role they are cast into, fans are going to ship them together. This could affect the rest of the drama, to the point where I think there’s no exaggeration in saying that the company of the actress may reject the female lead role if these two are in the show. Fans would make the relationship with her as a point of comparison to WYB and XZ’s relationship, and that’s bound to be bad for her. 

If they are cast into a BL drama or a series with no relationships, they are again going to get shipped (it looks like that’s the end point no matter what), and that’s bound to affect their future projects. 

Consider it like this: there are already voices doubting about their chemistry with the female leads in their upcoming dramas (let’s be real, that is a real concern since their 默契 is really something else).

If they announce publicly, officially, that they aren’t together (this would be if one of them got a girlfriend), there’s bound to be disappointment from bxg. They are gonna lose bjyx fans, maybe some of the fans will turn into antis, and they’ll be accused of “leading the fans around”, “playing with them”, and so on (the worst of it is that I don’t consider this unlikely). Collaborating would be difficult, but not impossible, after some time. And probably not in a BL drama, that’s calling for trouble (or maybe they’ll be braver than me and do it, but it’d certainly put a strain in their relationships).

If they are together (hypothetical, remember?), and they announce it as they are now, they’ll never get a decent role again. Sadly, they’ll have this “gay” tag that will affect any role they act in, even though their acting in The Untamed was due to more than just their chemistry together. 

However... if they were to come out after it has been set that they are very capable of acting in heteronormative dramas as well as BL dramas, things may be different. They’d still face backlash, but they’ll have a nice economic mattress to land on, and they wouldn’t be out of projects, probably. Couples collaborating in films and tv series isn’t completely unheard of, but it would be rare and it’d take some time too (we are talking of years here). 

If they are a couple, I don’t think they’d come out completely, not as the lgtb situation is right now in their society. They’d just do what couples do, without ever stating it plainly, because they’d still want to avoid “the big waves”, but it’d be an open secret. 

So for now, I guess they are trying to strengthen, to consolidate themselves in the industry before they do anything, either denying that they are together or confirming the rumours by doing something absolutely telling (even though, for me, this video of sneakers and ice-cream was quite telling).

(By the way, even if these poor people weren’t together, they still wouldn’t be able to deny the rumours right now, even though it affects their upcoming dramas because of 1, backlash from bxg, 2, “of course they’d say that”, “they have something to hide” and 3, there has always been ridiculous pairings in the fandom and celebrities just mostly let them do as they please). 

Just the backlash XZ has received from 227 will make it very difficult for Yu Sheng (The Oath of Love,  余生，请多指教) to air in less than a year. I’d say it’s very probable that The Legend of Fei (有翡, in which WYB is the male lead) will be aired before Yu Sheng, even though they finished filming later. It’d be a disaster for the production if the antis were to boycott the drama, so I’d say that they are waiting for things to calm down before airing it. 

They do have another option... which is let this fandom and the scandal die with time. They’d stop feeding the fandom with kadian and veiled signals, and with time (as in 5-10 years) people will have forgotten all of this enough for them to work together again. Bjyx would be brought up as a thing to gossip about, maybe, but it wouldn’t bring them so much scandal. This is one of the least likely options, in my opinion, because truth is that they have a close friendship, even if they aren’t together, and to ask them to stop being friends is outright cruel, more so in the industry they work in.

As for the rumours... words get carried away by the wind, I really think that the rumours are just that, and that (for now) there’s no project in which they’ll work together. But remember, I may be wrong, and I wish I’m wrong in this. 

[thesunnyshow]

Name: Alana

Writing Blog URL(s): @jinyoungsir

What fandom(s) do you write for?: GOT7, BTS, Monsta X, Stray Kids, Ateez, NCT

Age: 27

Nationality: American

Languages: English

Star Sign: Aries

MBTI: I’m not sure. I’ve taken the test so many times but I never remember the result.

Favorite color: Black

Favorite food: Potatoes! All forms of potatoes!!

Favorite movie: Harry Potter? Jurassic Park/World? Twister? Jaws? I love movies...it’s so hard to choose!

Favorite ice cream flavor: Vanilla with lots of fudge & brownie bits.

Favorite animal: Tigers! I like big cats and the way they move. 

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?: Coffee- Peppermint White Mocha HOT! Or any flavor tea hot or cold as long as it’s sweetened!

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Writing and Traveling. Something far from the 9-5, ‘working for the man’ type of job.

Go-to karaoke song: ‘Shoop’ by Salt-N-Pepa (thank u Deadpool)

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?: The ability to manipulate time because I am late for everything and also, I would 100% pause the timeline for a little mental health break once a day. 

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose?: Idk if this counts but I low-key would have loved to be a pirate. So whatever timeline that fits into. 

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?: No, thank you. I already have a defiance disorder. I’m not going to be under 18 ever again. I like doing what I want when I want as an adult lol. Everything turned out okay. 

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?: 100 chicken-sized horses. I hope I drown in them. What a dream.

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?: I AM a teen highschool movie trope lol my husband and I met in school at fourteen.

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?: YES, because the world is just too big for there not to be. 

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?: I stopped eating pizza for several years for no real reason other than not wanting to eat pizza and then just starting eating it again one day as if I had never stopped. 

When did you post your first piece?: I think it was May 2019.

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?: Mostly fluff & humor because I’m kind of soft and I really love a feel-good fic. Any angst I write is typically resolved by the end because I live for a happy ending. And occasional smut strictly for the spice. 

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc?: OCs & xReaders. 

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr?: I love/hate the format tbh but mostly because of my tumblr community. I love being able to meet and talk to new people easily thru the platform. 

What inspires you to write?: Everything! Songs, movies, commercials, personal events, etc. Sometimes it’s just a word, phrase, or picture.

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?: I’m a major sucker for friends/strangers to lovers! and I LOVE a good Mafia/Gang/Assassin!AU. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can catch me writing dad!au stories. 

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?: I just hope it makes them feel good. Laugh, smile, cry, yell, uwu, just- all the emotions. 

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?: Take a break. Read a book, dive into a k-drama, binge a few fics. Sometimes I just have to put the laptop away until I’m ready to start again.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?: My favorite story is probably ‘Over The Top’ with GOT7’s Bambam. It’s a dad!au about bam’s twin boys’ first birthday party. I’m quite attached to their family dynamic in the story and may even revisit twin terrors Somsak & Somchai in the future. Most successful? Probably the ‘Bubbles’ series, a Monsta X OT7 fiesta. I had a lot of feedback while posting that series and made a lot of friends. (It was also my first actual fic & it jump-started this blog!)

Who is your favorite person to write about?: Jackson Wang or Park Jinyoung from GOT7 and Han Jisung from Stray Kids. 

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?: This is kind of a tough one because, yes- as a fanfic writer I’m using a real person as a character, however, the storyline, the dialog, the emotions, the actions of the characters are all organic. I could take any one of my stories and replace only that person’s name and it would be considered entirely original. So, I guess I would say it’s not so different. 

What do you think makes a good story?: Great dialog. 

What is your writing process like?: Sometimes I get an idea and go straight to word vomiting and editing. Sometimes it’s planning the title, characters, tags list, & summary then not looking at it for a few weeks until I’m ready to write it. 

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?: Yes. All of my stories are AU (non-idol verse) so I would totally repurpose them.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?: Love: friends/strangers/enemies to lovers, + grumpy character only soft for their love interest. Dislike: Love triangles, angsty slow burn, cheating, etc.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?: IT IS EVERYTHING. I love reading tags, getting aks, getting messages, it warms my heart, and really motivates me to keep going.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)?: When I write and I really like my own story, it feels like a success. 

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?: Yes, they certainly can be. I think people who don’t understand fanfiction can have a very narrow mindset and belittle fanfic writers because of that misunderstanding.

Do you think art can be a medium for change?: Yes. Even if its something as small as changing one’s mood. 

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?: Not usually. I try to only write things that make me happy and if I ever get requests I’m not into, I usually won’t write it. If I’m not enjoying myself and the story, it’s not worth the pressure I put on myself to write it.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?: It’s definitely possible, but I haven’t had many issues with this so far.

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?: My mom, dad, sister, husband, and two other friends know.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?: I’m always here to make you laugh and smile, whenever you need it. I hope my stories can bring you joy.

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?: Do it for yourself. If you are enjoying yourself then it’s worth it. 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?: I love this hellsite. I’ve been here since high school and I have no regrets. 

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey?: AJ: my favorite bean, Chelle: my fav writer & inspo, Megan: my hype squad gf, Leena: my sisterwife, Na: my #1 supporter, and Val: my JJP/Wonu Soulmate. 

Pick a quote to end your interview with: “mo0n Mo0n JiN m0oN!” - Jeon Jeongguk

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

[rittz]

thoughts about being trans, idk where else to put them so here u go

it’s not like i don’t have trans guy friends to talk to about this, it’s just usually in the form of jokes or passing comments rather than an actually serious conversation. also, the transmasc people that i’m closest to identify more with the label “nonbinary” than i do-- it’s not like they couldn’t understand or relate to things i’m saying, but i’m just assuming that they probably don’t feel the exact same way i do

anyway, as a trans person we get often asked “so why do you feel like a [gender]?”, and the answer is usually some variation of “i just feel like it”. this is the most accurate but also vaguest possible answer, so i kinda wanted to break down my personal answer to that question?

basically, i identify as a man because i identify with men. in a general and also personal sense. gender stereotypes are something that trans people by necessity both embrace and reject. i relate to gender stereotypes about men more than those of women-- i’m less outwardly emotional, i like being handy, i don’t like kids, i have questionable personal hygiene, etc-- but obviously these things alone don’t make someone a man. however... you can’t deny that there is some general truth about behavioral differences between men and women (bc of society, not biology). men and women both experience different problems in the world, and each have trouble understanding the experiences and problems of the other. generally, i can relate to the experiences and problems of men more than those of women, even if it seems like i shouldn’t (for example, i am not afraid of walking alone at night, even though i am very tiny).

i, from a young age, have had a constant yearning for more male friends. i would occasionally choose to play video games as a male character. i was upset that i couldn’t be in boy scouts. i have been jealous of my younger brothers being treated by my parents the ways i wished i was treated. when i imagined myself older, i pictured myself less like my mom and more like my dad. when i’m around men, i want them to treat me like one of them. i want to be seen as a man.

and i think that’s what being trans really boils down to. wanting to be seen as someone other than how everyone sees you. wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside. this obviously extends to nonbinary individuals, who face their own struggle when it comes to presentation. but at the end of the day, i think that presentation is equally important to gender identity as internal feelings. i mean, i think we’re all familiar with the research proving that transitioning makes trans people happier. surgery is an invasive, expensive, painful process that i DON’T think is necessary for every trans person, and HRT isn’t always easy to get. but changing a name, getting a new haircut, dressing differently, binding, etc. counts as transitioning. you don’t have to hate your body to be trans, but wanting to alter it in order to better connect your internal identity with your presentation, i think is necessary in order to consider yourself to be trans. 

i will admit i am confused by “GNC trans men” i see on tumblr and insta, who use he/him pronouns but exclusively present femininely. i’m not talking about trans guys who don’t yet pass, i mean trans guys who don’t want to. i don’t harbor any ill will, i’m just confused. if i understand being trans to mean “wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside”, you can see how. doesn’t that make you feel dysphoric? don’t you want people who see you to read you as male? how is your life different from when you didn’t identify as male but presented the same way? this isn’t me trying to gatekeep on who’s “trans enough”, and especially when it comes to nonbinary identities it’s arbitrary to harp on presentation like this. but like, what’s going on here?

taking a turn here that will come back around, an extremely key component to why i identify as and with men is my sexuality. i have always idolized, envied, and evoked various queer icons from media and real life. the hunky, grunting, macho, hetero version of “man” never appealed to me the way that the fashionable, artsy, flirty, homo version of “man” did. drag queens, my mom’s hairdresser, glam rock stars, i could go on. associating my more feminine qualities with GAY stereotypes instead of FEMALE stereotypes suddenly made more sense, and made me feel less dysphoric. it’s also something that took me a long time to realize, because i had surrounded myself with queers who were mostly attracted to women. transmascs and butch lesbians historically have a lot in common, but personally, i didn’t relate as much to lesbians as i did to drag queens. in dating and loving men, i developed my understanding of them. but my attraction to men was why it had taken me so long to realize i felt more like a man-- i thought i was just some weird straight girl.

now, am i calling these “GNC gay trans men” with long pink hair and poofy skirts and conventionally attractive bisexual boyfriends “weird straight girls”? ...well, not to their faces. but i have to admit that i’m thinking it. these people would never go to a predominantly-male gay bar, these people would never be harassed on the street. i’m not saying i know someone’s identity better than they do, but i don’t agree with the liberal utopian ideal of “let everyone do whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone” when taken to mean that we can’t question other people’s choices. “why do you feel like a man?” is a question that, coming from another trans person, isn’t inherently transphobic. it’s not “forcing” someone to “prove” their “transness”, no one “owes” me an explanation of their identity. i’m just confused. i don’t disapprove of the way these people live their lives, i just want to know why.

a straight girl being feminine is different from a gay man being feminine, because it has less to do with personality and more to do with society’s historic view of gay men as closer to female than male because of the loving and fucking men aspect. an AMAB gay man wearing makeup and a crop top probably just wants to look good, but he is also signaling to other men that he’s gay via gender non-conformance. by being AFAB and female-passing, wearing makeup and a crop top is not GNC. in fact it’s pretty GC, and gay men will not recognize you as a gay man.

it’s easy to say “gender is fake so do whatever you want”, but like, we have to acknowledge reality. time is a social construct too, but we still use days of the week when talking to each other. strangers will treat you differently depending on what gender they interpret you as. different people will be willing to date you or not. you have to choose which public bathroom to go in. if being misgendered doesn’t bother these people, then who cares? but if it DOES, which it usually does, wouldn’t you want to take steps to prevent being misgendered in the future? if your desire to present femininely is stronger then your desire to be seen as male, then like... why call yourself a male at all? ultimately nothing these people do will really affect me in any way. it just makes me wonder if these people will eventually go on to present as male, or if they will later ID as nonbinary or even cis. i encourage people trying out different labels and exploring their identity, so it’s not like i think these people SHOULDN’T identify as trans guys. it’s more like, i wish they were able to articulate WHY they identify as trans more than “because i said so”. not wanting to be a woman doesn’t automatically make you a man, it just makes you not a woman.

maybe i’m particularly cynical because of the MULTIPLE times that people with larger online followings who identify and present this way have later turned out to be lying, manipulative people. hopefully it goes without saying that i do NOT think that everyone who identifies and presents this way is a toxic liar. the reason i bring it up is because some people genuinely can’t understand the possibility or purpose of misleadingly claiming a marginalized identity, but it can and does happen. an analogy could be made here about white people claiming indigenous heritage. we all WANT to believe what people say about themselves, and asking for “proof” is a social no-no. but we shouldn’t just... automatically trust everything someone says about themselves, right? and as bad as i WANT to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter and everyone default uses neutral pronouns and there are no divisions in clothing stores and bathrooms, we don’t live in that world (yet). when you are AFAB, /extremely/ femininely presenting, and have little to no plans of transitioning, saying “i am a man” will not make other people see you as one. and if you don’t want to be seen as a man, then maybe you aren’t one.

[odogaronfang]

okay so i have some ideas about how the guild squad arc is going to resolve in the end so i put them all together :) it’s kinda long so it’ll be under a readmore but feel free to add any thoughts you have!!

okay unless there's something about the guild squad dark choco cookie hunt storyline i missed, we don't know where DC is going, right? but we know that they were in the dragon's valley, with or at least near pitaya, because pitaya mentions a cookie touched by darkness passing through the valley. that's not a very convenient location to travel to and probably not a great place to stay if you're unfamiliar with it, but they were there, meaning they may have looked for something, but they obviously didn't find it and so continued on their way.

and then right before the earthquake, yam says that he has a hunch about where DC was going and/or what they were looking for! and i know mango first introduces the additional dragon lore to milk and dino for story reasons because we the players are unfamiliar with it, but it's safe to say that mala knows about the dragons, and yam probably also knows something about it, whether that be from prior knowledge or from asking mala about them.

because DC was at least formerly royalty, we can expect them to have had a pretty thorough education, so DC may have also heard the legends of the dragons! and they went to dragon's valley to seek them out, but found that all of them had fled except for pitaya, so they may have tried to approach or investigate pitaya which is why pitaya knew they'd passed through. but pitaya wasn’t the dragon they wanted- they control “fire and brimstone” which overall isn’t very helpful to DC, so DC left the valley.

so what if.......... DC is seeking out the blue dragon for a wish! maybe to uncurse them! or they may even be looking for the violet dragon, who manipulates darkness- but i also like the idea of DC’s corruption being somehow tied to the violet dragon and not to dark enchantress, so maybe the violet dragon is trying to bring their “toy” back now that their power is waning?

and the interesting thing about all this is that mala and yam will likely encounter the blue dragon wherever they are, along with the ivory dragon, but milk and dino are (or were) near the violet dragon's island, so regardless of where DC might have gone, only half the squad (and half the people looking for them) will find them.

and with blueberry pie's city of wizards event, devsis has proven that they're willing to do a choose-your-adventure type of thing............... maybe you choose which half of the squad’s story to follow, and that determines who meets DC, and DC's fate (violet dragon or blue dragon) depends on that. and blue dragon/violet dragon is like good end/bad end for DC.

if they get the good end, they’ll be with yam, the guy who distrusts them and believes they’re evil and selfish, etc.

but if they get the bad end, presumably falling deeper into corruption and serving the darkness, they’ll be with milk, who's implied to be blindly idolizing them.

in the good end i imagine that DC frees themselves of the curse for good, either by using a wish from the blue dragon or by asking the ivory dragon what they need to do to be free and stay that way. and yam and mala probably encounter them right before or while they’re interacting with the dragons.

and i imagine DC sort of remembers yam because of the fight for the title and everything and they realize why yam must be after them and yam gives his whole monologue about what a piece of shit DC is but before they actually fight, DC willingly relinquishes the title.

like they admit that they should never have taken it and that they were in the wrong and that yam is more deserving of it, etc. and yam is like 'fine okay' and that’s that, and he's ready to bail on DC as soon as mala gets what SHE needs but like. yam knows that milk would be DEVASTATED if he found out that yam and mala had found DC but not brought DC to see him, and yam also won't lie or ask mala to lie if milk asks about DC.

so yam is like 'don't get me wrong i still hate you but we need you to come with us' and DC is like 'okay i have nothing better to do i guess' so like. assuming the wishes have parameters and they can't wish themselves to where milk and dino are, they ask the ivory dragon where and how to find them and then set off to meet back up with the rest of the squad.

i think mala still tags along because maybe the other two dragons tell her that they need all 5 dragons to heal the valley? idk it's an excuse to keep mala but anyway they have their journey and find milk and dino with the other dragons and i just picture like. mala stumbling upon where milk and dino are first and they're like Holy Shit Mala and she calls yam over and they're like Holy Shit We're Together Again but then DC comes through and milk is like HOLY SHIT DC and milk is like 'DARK CHOCO!!! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!!!' (completely not noticing like their emo outfit and their emo weapon and their missing eye because he's too excited) 

but DC is just like '...who are you?'

and milk is kinda taken aback because he's thinking that DC MUST remember him, and he tries to remind DC of how they saved milk all that time ago but DC is just like 'i've had a lot of fights and i've killed and saved people in equal measure, i don't know who you are' and DC is tired and hurting and feeling ashamed and aimless so they don’t even TRY to be tactful about it and it CRUSHES milk

[insert the rest of story here] because i have ideas for the scene that follows but that’s too long and detailed for this post.

anyway bad end….. idk what exactly the violet dragon would do to DC, but it would probably involve making the curse more severe and probably making DC more malicious as a Just For Fun :) sort of thing, or maybe the violet dragon wants DC as a bodyguard and an agent of darkness now that their own power is fading (of course this depends on whether the violet dragon is evil or is cool and just happens to have an unfortunate domain of power).

so i just imagine like. milk and dino going to see the violet dragon, and since they're not as well-versed in the lore as mala is, they're not really sure what they're walking into (i don't think that ananas is willing to give them much help because of what they did to the island)

and as they’re making their way to the violet dragon's lair, they begin to see evidence of someone else passing through, and yam never got the chance to share his theory with milk but i think maybe milk began to get a similar idea? so he's like Dino Holy Fuck and they're following these tracks, which is convenient because it seems to be leading right to the dragon anyway!

i don't think that they ever really "see" the violet dragon, i imagine that they get around to the violet dragon's lair and DC is just. chilling outside, completely nonchalant, acting like nothing is wrong

like they’re just sitting on a rock outside kindling a campfire, sharpening their sword, and maybe the violet dragon is able to access their memories so that they see this old, vague memory with milk and they're like I Can Make A Trap Out Of This :)

the violet dragon sees this emissary of light approaching and doesn't want that shit so!! they can use their new toy to fix the problem :)

but they also don't want DC risking a fight where they’re outnumbered so DC is like (still basically possessed) '...milk? is that you?' and milk is THRILLED

DC invites milk and dino to stay with them around the campfire and talk, and promises that the next morning they'll all go to see the dragon together- but the dragon is actually intending to have DC kill milk and dino in their sleep.

so they sit around talking and DC is being pleasant and friendly, if a little quiet (the dragon is making them let milk and dino speak as a way of gathering information). and meanwhile mala and yam have reached their set of dragons and something just feels Wrong to both of them. some kind of intuition i guess. so i just imagine them frantically asking the ivory dragon what's going on with dino and milk and the ivory dragon thinks for a minute and then they're like 'your two friends are in immediate danger, and likely will not live to see the sun rise tomorrow'

and yam is like 'what kind of danger?????' and the ivory dragon describes DC and yam is like son of a fuck

and beforehand mala can ask or wish for what she needs because lesbian rights and she deserves it but idk they use their other wish from the blue dragon to get to dino and milk somehow but like :) just A Little Too Late to fully prevent everything :)

no one dies except maybe DC depending on how edgy you wanna be! i think jellysaur is on edge and growling and biting at DC every time they come near, because animals just have that Sense, so jellysaur wakes milk and dino just before DC can kill them, but there's still a fight before yam and mala are able to get to them :)

anyway i do have more thoughts but that’s for another time :)

[prettyoddfever]

P!ATD’s fans during early 2006

The Panic guys were able to hang out with fans after shows in fall 2005 and chat, but that became less possible as the band gained more & more fans. The whole situation with fans was absolutely nowhere near how intense things got during the summer tour, though. It sounded like it was mostly very enthusiastic teenage girls who kind of scared the band... or who were wondering why the band wasn’t embracing them back with the same level of affection. It also sounded like there were groups of calm, mature fans who just wanted to meet the guys and were disappointed when Brendon, Ryan, & Spencer hid or literally ran away at the sight of them (this was reported pretty frequently lol).

Brendon told Hearts & Sleeves in the beginning of February:

“We have lost some of the intimacy really quickly. The first tour we were able to hang out with the fans, we had a van and that was really neat and I do miss that. It sucks now, with the popularity people will notice us a lot more and it is tough to keep the intimacy with the fans. You kinda do wish that you could just walk down the street and just talk with them a little bit longer but then you have people running up and are just like “hey hey hey” and freaking out and thereʼs no need to freak out. Weʼre just like you. Weʼre not these older idols, you know, weʼre just kids like you guys.”

The guys had found themselves in the position of seasoned professionals while they were still adjusting to traveling and touring in general. The band never really had the “childhood” period that most new bands have, so they had to figure out who they were (both as individual musicians and as a band) while under some really intense scrutiny & criticism. I think that helped them grow closer together at times, but they also didn’t feel like a solid unit that had found their footing yet (to me at least... I thought that happened once Jon replaced Brent). 

So they were thrown into national tv performances and countless interviews without much media training, yet were held up to the same expectations as other bands on their level who had been around for years. The guys were all pretty shy and coped in different ways. A lot of fans who got to know the band during the 2005 tours said the boys were all cockier now in early 2006, but a lot of those fans also recognized that it was like a defense mechanism... the guys had adopted confident personas that could cope with the constant criticism & attention. Brendon later said that he had learned to play into a role. Their sarcasm was REALLY misunderstood, though. Brendon even had to post on his livejournal on March 12th: “its not arrogance, its sarcasm and fun. dont take anything too seriously.”

The band did slowly start to get a reputation online when fans complained that they were mean & rude and ignored their fans. But after videos like this, I didn’t blame the guys for feeling more like a product instead of people (and tons of stories made it clear that the scene in that video was more of a growing trend than a one-night event). Sometimes the guys would hide in their bus and didn’t come out when fans knocked on the door & sides. And a couple times people complained that the guys had only been sitting in the bus watching a specific movie (so those fans were clearly being creeps & spying... this happened during the summer tour too). Oh, and speaking of creepy – one fan actually gave the band personalized disco condoms because they sang about sex. Idk if this next story was just a rumor (since I heard about it from other people who weren’t the ones who actually did it) but a fan might have given the band condoms with her name written super tiny all over them. I’ve been leaving out most stuff that could be rumors, but that one is weird enough that I still want to mention it ha.

Anyways, the band definitely still came out to greet fans & sign stuff. They also still hung out by their merch table sometimes, and there were stories of Brendon, Ryan, & Spencer standing outside their bus in freezing cold weather to take pictures with fans and sign everything. So the situation really varied from show to show and changed a lot as the tours progressed... it sounded like Brendon & Ryan were more likely to be recognized & mobbed in late March than February.

One fan said that Brendon ran out the side door of a venue when he saw her group of friends. He had to actually race them to his bus as they ran around the venue to head him off... and then he was accused of being rude. Other fans were pretty entitled too and would get mad at how mean Brendon was if he only signed their ticket and then moved along to the next person in line without staying to chat. 

Brendon truly did try to hang out with fans still! I remember a couple people from different cities said he would hang out by the merch table talking to anyone until the venue was empty. There were a few stories from separate towns about him hanging out in the parking lot with a skateboard. Sometimes he ran to the bus, but then came back out with food and talked with fans. People from another show mentioned how Brendon went outside in the snow alone to greet everyone and sign stuff until his hands were too cold to hold his sharpie. I cannot emphasize enough how much he seemed to genuinely care about the band and fans... like that is one of the main things that really stuck to me out among the hundreds of fan stories from this tour (and all the previous ones). 

Brendon was usually described as really kind, goofy, and considerate, but also super hyper, loud, and just… too much for some people. I think the reason some fans thought Ryan was bored or distant is maybe because he was so shy, but people still said he was nice. Spencer sounded like the least awkward guy to talk to – or at least there were plenty of stories about how funny he was. But fans still complained that Spencer never smiled, he smiled too much, he looked like he hated everything, etc. I think a lot of people just weren’t able to read him very well yet. It took a few more months of interviews for me to see that he could seem curt & standoffish when he was extra nervous and shy (or annoyed lol), but he was a genuinely sweet guy... and also super sarcastic.

The talk about Ryan came down to the same general ideas: he was painfully shy, he could be very kind (if he didn’t feel like hiding that day), and he was way more relaxed & talkative if he was standing near Brendon. A lot of people seemed to want Ryan’s haircut too (it evolved throughout this spring, but girls were using even Ryan’s earliest 2006 hairstyle as an example).

Please note the lack of Brent in any of this. I’m not leaving him out intentionally. There were definitely some stories about meeting him! But usually people didn’t say much about him even if they did meet him (and there were so few pictures with him in comparison with the other guys). I remember Brent being described as sweet a few times, so there’s that. 

So basically, 3 of the band members were still making an effort to hang out with fans, but they were also starting to sound like they could use personal security to protect them from some fans. If the guys needed an escort to their bus they’d have to use someone like Dan, Jack Marin, venue security, or someone who was with another band. It was funny to look back during the summer tour and realize that “the random tech dude” who escorted Brendon from the venue to his bus on several occasions was actually Jon Walker. A couple people had tried to turn it into a gay thing that those two stayed in the bus together, but it made total sense later.

THE MAIN POST

[deobis]

Road to Kingdom Episode 2-3 Thoughts

I think I’ll use this Changmin gif for all my RTK Thoughts posts :^)

Anyways onto the second set of performances. I really liked the theme. Mnet finally doing something right I guess. The show still has the same issues as before with editing. Some members get too much screen time and others lack it. Overall it’s gotten a bit better since it’s now focusing on their process of perfecting a performance rather than interactions (even though I miss interactions). 

For second performances, once again, purely based on enjoyment, my rankings go like this:

The Boyz

Golden Child

Pentagon

Oneus

TOO

VeriVery

ONF

Objectively I would rank them as such:

The Boyz

Pentagon

Oneus

VeriVery

ONF

Golden Child

TOO

This time my ranking is pretty different from the actual results. Onto why:

TBZ really shocked me with this performance. They’ve almost never done stunts within their performances so seeing them do all these tricks made me both amazed and worried (luckily no injuries :c). They filled up the stage and truly had an amazing choreography. So much that at times I thought there were backup dancers when there really weren’t. The arrangement of the song was also perfect. I really like Danger and I’m glad they didn’t totally change the song. They changed it just enough to make it their own. They used the stage fully and told a coherent story along with it. Execution was *chefs kiss* as well. 

Golden Child gets second this time in terms of enjoyment. Their choice of song really hit home. Swan Lake is one of my favorite ballets and the fact that they took the original song, which was very much synthesized, and added the classical strings back to it made me so happy (I am biased here because I played piano and danced ballet for a long time). I also love feathers and the all white with feather outfits were so good. It probably wasn’t intended for such purposes but the black feather outfits of the backup dancers reminded me of Odette vs Odlie in Swan Lake. The contrast was probably there just for distinction but it definitely reminded me of the black and white contrast Odette and Odile have in the ballet. 

Pentagon gets third only because of my inherent Swan Lake bias haha. They KILLED it yet again. When Hui said “let’s rock and roll” I FELT that. Very Good is one of my favorite Block B songs and they brought it justice. They really know how to use camera angles well and how to completely take up the stage while still having the focus be the members themselves rather than the backup dancers. 

Oneus was done dirty. I think they pulled off the bully concept really well. The acting in the first few seconds was astonishing. They are the only other group that has a full story (the other being TBZ ofc) that lasted throughout the whole performance. The conclusion with the fight and finally beating the bullies was very well done. The fake slow mo and everything was executed beautifully. I really wish they had placed higher. The only issue I could see people having with this is that the plot is too cliche. But when you think about it, it really fit well with the song and the lyrics so... idk why people are so blind :/

TOO gets fifth which surprised me. I enjoyed their performance a lot more than I had expected. The choreography was super clean and they really brought the most out of formations. The backup dancers felt a little random, especially the golden flags/wings part, but overall it was cleanly executed. Also the red. Thank you for bringing color god. All the groups going B/W i needed some vibrant colors haha

ONF and VeriVery weren’t my favorites this time around. The problem mostly lies with the arrangements of their respective songs. With VeriVery, the many electronic dance break cuts really ruined the performance for me, especially because I really like SVT and Mansae. I think they picked a song that was very hard to alter (tbh all svt songs are hard to alter specifically bc they are so stylistic and very vocal oriented). Also they took out a ton of harmonies and adlib vocals which are some of my favorite parts of Mansae. The theme itself was very fun and I loved the idea of sailor uniforms and riding the sea. Their theme is what puts them above ONF for me. Everybody is a legendary Shinee song and overall ONF did very well. But I could not get past the minor/dark theme that they arranged Everybody to be. It just wasn’t for me :/ Everybody is an upbeat song and though they returned to the same key later on, the contrast really ruined it for me. 

In terms of my objective ranking, GolCha gets pushed down because it was purely a visual performance and I feel like they didn’t take advantage of the storytelling aspect RTK allows for. I couldn’t label a theme onto their performance unlike the other groups. It was a beautiful and mesmerizing performance but It seems like something I would see at a special stage cover ep on a music show or award show. ONF and VeriVery get pushed up for this very reason. They had a solid theme and made good use of props and backup dancers. Oneus is above all these groups because of their storytelling ability. Still mad about their rank if you can’t tell. TOO gets last for the same reasons as GolCha. GoldCha is ranked higher because of their arrangement and execution. TOO’s performance felt overall the most like a cover. They were the group that was least able to make the song their own. I believe this is due to the lack of experience both in the idol industry and age gap. They haven’t experienced as much as the other groups and it seems to show in their ideas for performances.