#but idk if i’m even happy w them
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imma sign off for a bit to catch up on some anime ‘n manga cause my head hurts from writing all morning ^^ so i gotta refuel for a bit — be back later tho <3
#ֹ ۪ ಮ — em rambles#i rly only managed to do 3/5 hcs and a few thirsts#but idk if i’m even happy w them#i’ll probs write a few of these for next week then take a break from writing for a day or two and clear my finished drafts#don’t wanna burn out NOT YET <3#anyway back to one piece now gdbye :3#it’s still raining too so i’m extra cosy !!!!
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yippeeee the dices
#this dice collection is so pretty but i’m giving most of it to my friends…#ive been playing dnd or pathfinder with this group for literal years and i’ve like spent so much time with them LOL#and i’m finally seeing some of them this summer#so this is the gift. i still have to get a set for the dm but like i think i’ve already spent ~200 on the dice here so im like oh my god#but im like fuck it lmao they have given me so much happiness lol 😭#also since im already typing i was listening to one of the celebs from my hometown and sometimes it hits me how strange it is#tht i am vaguely interested in this man even though i literally like saw him for 5 seconds#he is like so incredibly famous#i know like 90% of people experience this but it does annoy me so much that i treat famous ppl diff in my brain differently even tho ik#they just want to be treated like normal people lmao 😭#i think its bc my brain goes ‘oh theyre so loved i wish that were me!’ even tho theyre not really experiencing love#w the masses of ppl online#i have a headache from all the plum wine i drank but plum wine is soooo tasty guys#idk what they put in it#probably plum but wow it is so good. lol 😭#i think i will let this headache go away for a little and then go to bed. gn everyone 🐈🐈
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i find it damn near impossible to get mad at santana’s behavior in 3x06 and 3x07 because i genuinely do think she had the right to be lashing out at everybody. sue me idk
#idgaf if she was mean to kurt and blaine when they were “trying to help” in IKAG#they were the first performance & santana was put under the spotlight by the guy who fully outed her to the ENTIRE STATE OF OHIO & now she#-was expected to be just happy and jolly about some bullshit lady music week to celebrate women as if that has anything to do with wtf just#-happened to her by finn’s hands & of course she was upset because she was only back in the new directions because finn basically#-blackmailed her into rejoining like hello!!! so of course she was snippy with them… and tbh i don’t even think she was being that mean.#i think she’d have reason to be even MEANER actually. that reaction of hers was completely reasonable. and honestly it must’ve hurt seeing#-two people who are meant to Get what it’s like.. participate in that? especially when the last thing she wants is her sexuality that she’s#-still very insecure with Being broadcasted. to the whole damn club. it’s already about to be shown to all of ohio with names addresses#-details about her whole personal life etc like she really didn’t need that spotlight right then she needed to have space and love and#-support… none of which she got.#also the glee writers tend to make a character do a bad thing and then have another character do an INFINITELY WORSE THING#and then they’re like “oh but. the first character was being so mean. this absolutely deplorable and wayyyy too far reaction is definitely#-justified now because that was just so mean of the first character ugh!” and basically spins what happened into showing the first characte#-as the most evil person alive??? as if that’s even remotely true.??? and yes this is about santana cause they do this w her#and quinn. a LOTTTT. like a LOT. rn i’m talking ab santana though so i won’t cover quinn sorry fabrayers… one day!#like yes santana was being mean sure whatever. but finn didn’t have an excuse IDGAF what the hell anybody says about the body shaming stuff#it was mean. yes that’s true. but i don’t think you understand how different those two things are#they’re both bad but the outing is infinitely more despicable and personal and filled with malice and it’s so much more endangering in a wa#-that can’t even be compared to the dangers of body shaming you know. like they’re completely different and the outing thing is just too#-personal and Wrong like. idk. just get that through ur head they’re both so different and finn went way too far and personal. he could’ve#-just mocked her looks if he really wanted to get back at her. mocked ANYTHING else. but he chose the worst thing you could do to somebody#who is scared and in the closet and hurting#also yes santana’s written to be rude a lot of the time but her degree of rudeness in those episodes was Overplayed and def not in characte#like it didn’t feel much like santana’s brand of meanness it was 100% the writers trying to justify finn more because they continued to#-paint finn as the good guy who chose the high road… when that couldn’t be further from the truth thanks. he didn’t choose the high road he#-completely blackmailed santana and used her to make him look good basically. so you can’t change my mind on that Def being a writer issue#and just them Hating Women. especially santana. thanks.#also this is all coming from somebody who loves finn. so. 🤣#i fuckingggg hate seeing people say santana was mean and had no right to be doing all of that in those eps.. BITCH YES SHE DID#like in other eps sure (<- nuanced topic/take) but this one? No. she was justified IDGAF. should’ve been meaner
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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just hung out w friends for five hours and feltso full of whimsy I could pass out <333 I miss them so bad already but I get to see them tomorrow tooooo
#like it wasn’t even planned we just talked on the phone then met up at **** house chatted while our other two friends made us friendship#bracelets and watched the cat be silly with a bowl of water that was like two hours of us doing that#then agroup car ride (I love when we do this sm it’s like my favorite part when we hang out) skin to skin in a tiny fucking car laughing#talking listening to music on our way to Taco Bell then rode around taking scenic routes b4 gas station break to like pee n buy snacks :33#flicked up another scenic route went to the epic park w the cool playground n reminisced about how it felt like being a kid again at 1am#I’m convinced all these fuckers are neurodivergent bc not one of them can go without stemming and ***** fucking climbing on top of the every#single thing LMFAO doing backflips off of swings and stuff too I had like an insane amount of whatever bc I skipped like the entire time#just to idk be silly and **** joined in :))) switches seats in the car and went to another park then rode in the car again to more scenic#routes and all the way back to **** house to get our stuff and each driveour cars back home <3#we group hugged at the epic park and the moment was so surreal bc we all were close to crying especially ******* like I love my fwends sm i#cannot even properly describe how happy they make me feel like sonearnestly so#I weirdly felt closer to ***** tonight too probably bc we indulged **** antics together and were skin to skin in the backseat of the car#like having to fasten each others seatsbelt his arm awkwardly behind me n out the window that close n how alike we are…#OH WAIT him and **** buzzed their hair like days before n it really hit me that I haven’t seen him w shirt hair since I’ve first known him#when we all were once coworkers together and it’s like a fond memory now and crazy to think about how we’ve all grown together as friends#ok done being sappy now b4 I actually fucking cry like eyes are on the brink as I type :p#*#personal#heartshapedtrap#can y’all tell I left my journal at home… and needed to like remember how happy I’ve felt since seeing friends <3#omggg i forgot to mention how they all cheered and were like happy for me during the scenic car ride that I’m almost certain im lesbian#still unsure of myself but I think that’s probably the closest label idk I just feel really happy that they support me nomatter what yaknow
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got really invested in my idea of the endermen reproducing via spores and taking on traits and elements from their environments that I went all in and started doing concepts for different biome-specific enderman designs
#Duck Art#i really like the ones with plants and stuff on them#They were really fun to do also#My fav is probably the warped forest one but even the plains one I’m like 👀#Least happy w/ the desert one but idk how else to make it distinct#It’s okay tho#theyre also like vauge biome categories#So plains also includes a bunch of the forest biomes#Snow includes anything from snowy peaks to regular taiga#Desert is both normal and mesa/badlands deserts#And nether wastes is the same as souls and valley#The flower one i noted would have biome specific flowers and stuff on it too.So one from a cherry blossom biome would be that style but pin#I also think it would be cool for the ones that grow grass the grass is affected by biomes as well#So if a flower endy went to like a snowy biome the grass would change colour to match#Tree Man Posts#Minecraft#endermen#minecraft lore
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hmmmm
#really hope my brother n his fiancé don’t have to postpone their wedding#because the plan is el will come here for the wedding n then i will fly home w them and move to canada#but like. if they have to move it from march to like october ..#i think i would move in like march but we’d have to fly back obviously#but then i would be flying to canada by myself#which is not scary if ur just going for a holiday and obviously i’ve done it before lol#but moving is a whole other story.. n i think it would be less scary if el was with me#anyway i don’t THINK it’s going to be postponed but they were talking abt it just before#also my visa hasn’t even been accepted yet so there’s no point worry abt shit rn#still have to give my biometrics i’m booked in for the 26th i think? idk it’s like a week away#have to go to the immigration centre in melb#and i will be going to happy town cuz it’s like 2 blocks over even tho i shouldn’t buy more albums rn…#if i go and they have the new 10cm skzoos tho… puppym… u will be mine#i won’t be able to hold back#p
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i feel so lost w this ending…… specifically kinn and Porsche’s ending
#I don’t like it#it just feels like porsche was defining himself as something other than kinn’s property for so long to now porsche is telling kinn his life#is kinn’s and porsche joined up w them (kinn technically but ughhhh I don’t feel good about it)#things got really confusing with the whole Korn is did no hes not And your mom is back#like we didn’t even get time to process what that means for him and them#idk idk this is just me ranting but I don’t get it#I think I just feel that porsche should’ve chosen some third option. that being on kinn’s side didnt have to mean he would be truly within#their world.. so he isn’t just ‘I followed you kinn.. to be with you’ I don’t like that for him#I liked vegas and Pete’s ending for the most part but I don’t always enjoy the surprise! they’re alive just for the effect of pulling a#gotcha on the audience.. especially since they did it with like 6 other people in this episode#I’m upset about Kim and porchay’s plot not being fully rounded out#and Yeah.. you could make your assumptions but I…… I WANT TO SEE THEM HAPPY TOGETHER AT LEAST ONE LAST TIME!! is that such a big thing to#ask =_=#kinnporsche
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they have matching twitter likes again and he liked this
what if u died tho. fr
#sorry my bad for looking fr. i’m going crazy sitting in the car w my parents tho#was doing so well for the first hour saying sane and now i’m 😵💫#anyway. guys idk how to not be miserable. i guess i knew it wasn’t all gonna go away right away#and also a delusional part of me still clings to the idea that they’re like. going to break up#and i need to not like. clearly as bad as they are for each other in some ways and as much as i believe there’s some. shit going on#well and are they even bad for each other like i guess they’re fine. whatever#anyway holy whit i keep starting sentences. as much as i think all of that they’re not leaving each other so fucking whatever congratulatio#ns to them#i really do just hope she’s happy but also i hate him so so so so so so so so so so so so so much right now#film girl saga
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ALSO IT SMELLS LIKE SUMMER………….
#personal#v happy abt it………….#i would love to be nice n clean and socialize w ppl today but!#i don’t wanna shower or talk to anyone#they woke me up in a v annoying way and by the time i’m done in the shower the sun will probably be gone /: ):#also i hear them talking w devil spawn in the kitchen#and i don’t want to fucking talk to him#at all#i barely even want to say hi when they walk in the door#also my tummy hurt n idk why ):
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s
#i’ve never hated being a broke bitch more than now i just got an offer for this gawjus place w this cool person and its over my budget i wa#want to bang my head against a wall sigh#literally why do i search for love like this#this could’ve been great really great i cannot i was this close to signing something else aswell WHY#to be close to ppl my age w my interests and have a relationship that lasts is that asking too much what if i never see them again#am i being delusional i think so but idc my heart hurts things never work out the way i plan ugh#but atleast i will be leaving the shithole i’m in rn#it could’ve been great#i can get more great things although not now and it feels like a fresh wound rn i’m just starved for love ok i need a hug i’m so serious#it was in the PERFECT AREA TOO#it’s okay it’s okay atleast it’s still london and not a town in essex where u cannot get a taxi unless u want to wait 3 hours#count your blessings girl call down#shit i’m sad i’m so childish fuck#literally i just want a solid circle of companions and maybe that wouldn’t guarantee it and maybe where i’m going can be the path to my happ#happiness but i’ve been miserable for too long idk if i can even be loved because i will just fee like i’m tainting them#everyone in my life is held at a safe distance and i don’t want that anymore i want someone CLOSE who doesn’t get repulsed or bored ha#this interaction has sent me plummeting into the depths of hell i feel ridiculous#my chest hurts so much
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i think the fact that if i could have afforded uni i would be getting a classics degree and studying languages rn will forever haunt me…….. i actively mourn what could be so fucking bad.
#its just 😭😭 ik most ppl cant afgord it upfront#but i rlly dont have confidence in making enough after#wards to pay it off…..#specially with disability ect ect its just. idk it’s a scary thought putting myself out there soending so much and just failing#and i dont think i’ll ever get over the fact that i’m not formally studying classics or languages rn.#it makes me feel… like rlly sad and like im behind ect ect#even tho u dont need to go to uni ect ect i just. idk insee all my friends going and some of them getting fucking married (!?!) and its just#i feel like i let myself be left behind and like i’m going nowhere#ugh ugh sorry for little rant there i’m just….. kinda missing what i never had rn ig#oh that said tho im not jealous of the married thing. i think theyre crazy ajshsjsjsj we are far too young to be doing that rn but w/e its#none of my business ahsjhsjs#happy for them and hope it lasts and is good ect ect but#i do think theyre nuts. a little.
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