#but it changes so infrequently that i will often begin to feel detached not only from one alignment

[sanguinaryrot]

gender can be so confusing :/

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Back in Black and Stage Plight) or My My My Once Bitten Twice Shy

What is up my Loudites? And while I am returning to the Loud House I do have some sad news to get out of the way first.. i’m ending regular coverage of the Loud House. I don’t like doing this.. but when I picked up the show, I didn’t really have a set schedule.. and that was a bad thing as I didn’t get nearly everything I wanted done. Now I have one and honestly it’s been great: it allows me to stay focused and if I end up not feeling what I was going to do that day, provided it’s not a comission or specfically needed that day, I can swap things around a bit easier. 

The reason I bring this up is Nick’s way of scheduling means I CAN’T reasonably put the show on the schedule. They often don’t announce airdates until the wee before, which isn’t a bad thing WATCHING, and isn’t unresonable for a children’s network. But for someone who likes to have a concrete schedule at the top of the month, still flexable and able to make changes if they come up but at least some idea of what i’ll be doing and when, that’s a non-starter, as not knowing when a show’s going to be there or not really messes with things. In contrast Disney puts up their entire programming schedule for next month towards the end, so I know if a show’s coming back, and thus that it’ll probably be around for next month’s too. And if it goes away a week earlier than expected then super I have that space for other sttuff. But I just have too much other stuff, paid and on my own time, to keep friday’s open in perpetuity.

I will however still reviewing the show infrequently as I still love it, Season 5 will probably have plenty of episodes I want to talk about, already it has Leni running for mayor which sounds like one of my wonky spinoff ideas and I love it all the more for that, and ther’es tons of episodes I have and haven’t seen to dig into. So like Lori I won’t be in the house on a daily basis but i’m still going to show up a lot. I already have an April Fools special planned, as well as a retrospective ready for some time in the future. And of course if more Sam and Luna episodes show up, you know i’ll be on those as fast as humanly possible so yeah not leaving the show.. just not coveirng it because I like having some control of my schedule, it’s a thing with me. 

Good then we can get to why your ACTUALLY reading this unless you’ve already scrolled past or scrolled up to this. Next Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and so to continue Valnetine’s Shenanigans on this fine blog, i’m doing some romantic style episodes of the loud hosue for you. I did intend for this to be bigger, but frankly i’ve been running behind on reviews and running out of steam lately, so I paired it down to the two I wanted to do most. So for today we’ll be covering two of the show’s couples: One they badly need to bring back and I question why they haven’t, and one that I feel has gotten a lot of flack for things that aren’t it’s fault. Both are really adorable so expect some awkward blushing, bats, blood, and other stuff rhyming with B under the cut!

Back in Black: So we begin our double feature with Lucy

Yeah I have not covered this adorable harbinger of death enough on this blog, and intended to do this one, among other lucycentric episodes back in october.. and the fact I didn’t is a good argument for why I have a schedule now ain’t it? But sometimes your plans not panning out right at the exact time you planned them works out for you. Not getting to do Plan 9 From Mission Hill during Pride Month meant I got to do it on comission later. And not getting to do this one at Halloween means it still works fine just fine for valentine’s day.  

So we begin the episode with Lincoln working on his science project, with Rusty coming over to help. 

Shockingly though not only is he not just taking a nap or hitting on Lincon’s sisters while Lincoln works but actually helping, he’s actually good at it. I’m as suprsied as you. Though this is early in his characterization, so he hasn’t’nt been established as horribly sucking at everything or his friends being done with his bullshit QUITE yet. Give him time.  This is an interesting moment in the character’s history though, as it’s the episode that firmly establishes him as a close friend of Lincolns. While he was already turned from a member of a random violence gang to LIncoln’s buddy in the span of season 1, this episode cements him as one of his closer pals simply by him coming over and the two being fairly familiar with one another. Granted by that same token Girl Jordan should be in the group.. and I have nothing to add to that. Add Girl Jordan to the Lincrew. Just do it. 

Anyways Rusty brought his brother along. And you’d expect me to be terrified as there’s now three of them. But.. nope I like Rocky. He’s a chill kid and his personality goes together well with Lucy’s as while he’s a more typical kid, he’s still very subdued in his emotions like she is. Also he mentions both parents so my divorce theory.. is honestly still valid as this was three seasons ago and I could buy their mother left during that time. 

And yes Lucy’s in love.. and stalking him a bit as she follows him around the house sighing while he wonders who did that.. though it is a nice clue their compatible. When you can sense the presence of someone whose big running gag is showing up out of nowhere to scare the crap out of people that means something. And it’s either that you’d really get that person or your Wolverine. Or one of his kids. Or his clones. Or clones of his clones. What i’m saying is Rusty’s mom banged the wolverine and his family tree is really weird even by marvel standards. 

But I do give her a pass as she’s not trying to be creepy or obsessive, she just doesn’t know how to talk to him as he’s your average kid and she’s a creature of the night. It’s just a kid being shy which is very refreshing both because pre-savnio being fired the show had some very messed up ideas about relationships and gender politics at times, the latter of which actually crops up here, and because having grown up with the cartoons of the 90′s and 2000′s.. I had to put up with things like this. 

Full Disclosure: I DO ship sonamy.. but only after around Sonic Chronicles, where Bioware and then Sega decided to not make “Constantly harasses sonic despite him clearly not being interested and saying so vocally” and “Obessess over him to a point I worry she’s going to break his legs so he’ll never run away from her again”, as well as aging her up from 12. Still find her ungodly annoying at best and terrible at worst before that point, Sonic CD and Sonic Advance excluded. And yes I am that huge of a nerd, damn proud of it too. 

What i’m getting at is that a little girl unable to talk to a guy and only being kinda creepy because that’s what she does is LEAGUES better than “IT’S NOT CREEPY WHEN A WOMAN DOES IT”. Given this episode was written by a woman that probably helped a lot if not entirely but I don’t blame her for that.. more on that later. 

Point is she’s smitten but her first attempt to talk goes back as he rushes to leave after she tries talking to him.. and also appears out of nowhere to spook him. Come on man, your better than that. YOu sensed her before why not now? Up your game. But yeah Lucy’s depressed while Lincoln talks to her about it, about them leaving and once Lucy confesses she’s into rocky asks what he’s into. Lincoln.. has no idea as he’s barely been around Rocky. He’s just an average kid he dosen’t quite understand. Normal is the word he uses and Lucy ponders that.  We next see the three most traditionally feminine sisters, Lori, Leni and Lola, all pissed someone stole their stuff, though Lori does suspect Lola at first because let’s face it, this fits her MO of being an entitled brat and not being above petty theft. But no the culprit is Lucy who genuinely apologizes and understands that their mad but the other girls are fine with it given the context, which Lucy explained, and are happy to make her over.  This is where the problem I was hinting at comes in: ALL the girls are on board with this makeover plan. the problem is.. only the three who came in in the first place make actually sense making Lucy more tradiotnally feminine. Lori loves fashion and is a control freak who has troubles with empathy at times especially at this point in the series, Leni while not INTETIONALLY hurtful is kind of ditzy and thus can miss some cues, and Lola has a yawning starless void where her soul should be. For these three? Yeah this plot actually makes sense they wouldn’t think of Lucy’s feelings and actually help her use who she is to get rocky or tell her it doesn’t matter she’s beautiful as she is.. then presumably bring the wrath of god down on that poor child before things were cleared up.  The issue is more dragging the other sisters into it. It only fits the three above to really give a shit about making Lucy more “normal” and “Girly” and “Other stereotypical bullshit”. Luna is very chill and empathetic and would be the first to say “Wait maybe making her the opposite of herself isn’t a good idea”, Luan is likewise empathetic though I could possibly see it she really doesn’t need to be in this plot, Lynn ENTIRELY doesn’t fit as she prefers sports and getting dirty and what not and is the closest to Lucy out of the sisters and thus would probably be the most defensive about her not changing and that could’ve actually been interesting, Lana would be the same minus the being closest and Lisa is coldly detached a lot of the time and wouldn’t care about any of this on a good day. It feels HORRIBLY offensive and out of character to have them all suddenly be “nah your not girly enough”. These girls don’t give a shit about whose more feminine than who and it’s really bad to pidgeonhole them as that.  However.. I dont’ blame episode writer Gloria Shen entirely for this. She wrote it, she gets some of the discredit.. but she didn’t DIRECT the episode and a LOT can change from page to screen. No  THAT was series creator and known sexual preadator Chris Savino. And i’m not just blaming him because he’s a creepy asshole, but because the seasons he directed, seasons 1, 2 and most of 3, had a bad habit of having episodes where all the girls acted as a group and often to weak ends, like the green house, the one where they all fought, the gender swap episode or  heavy meddle.. which is a headache for another day. Point is it doesn’t surprise me he didn’t fix this or even genuinely cared to differentiate  them and it’d be until next season where the show fully became an ensemble piece. SO yeah I blame him on this not for his horrible history, but simply because it sounds like his writing style and as director, and a producer on the show, he had the power and responsibility to fix things and did nothing. So if it wasn’t directly his fault in the first place , he certainly didn’t fix it, call it out in storyboarding or well anything. So yeah shared blame all around.

So after a makeover montage, Lucy is uh... well I can’t describe the abomination they’ve created. 

I mean.. none of it works, and I think that’s very much the intent, dosen’t make it any less horrifying. Nothing about this is right: makeup REALLY shouldn’t go on a child in any circumstace so the blush on her cheeks is creepy and makes her look like one of those creepy porcelian dolls that i’m 100% sure either are planning to kill us all one day or were made to keep the souls of the damned trapped inside forever. The ear rings just look creepy and again are a bit much for an 8 year old, and the blonde hair just brings it all together. The pink outfit is fine.. I guess but the face is just so unsettling I can’t process the rest of her outfit and i’m not even going to try. 

Point is she looks terrifying, and not in the fun way she usually does, and Rocky dosen’t know what to make of this. Oh and if your wondering why he’s here Lynn just.. took a hockey stick to Lincoln’s project to get the Spokes Boys back over here, and Lisa mocked him for pointing out the obvious holes in their plan despite being 4 and LIncoln having a girlfriend at this point. Granted his relationship with Ronnie Anne at this point is also kinda effed up, but given you all pushed him in this direction, Lisa still has no room to talk and they amicably broke up at some point once the writers decided “Let’s pretend like this never happened and they were just friends, despite her being introduced with a crush on him and us still replaying episodes with said relationship in play, instead of actually dealing with this directly”. You may be easily able to guess what hte retrospective’s about at this point.  So Lori comes in for phase two .. WITH BOBBY!

Just.. I cannot tell you how much I needed my boy to calm me down after the last two scenes of horribly off character writing and ... that thing up there. He dosen’t do much this episode but every episode is better with Bobby and that’s a scientefic fact. So Lori claims they had a double date fall through which Bobby barely follows along with.. and it does kinda feel pressurey to kinda force Rocky’s hand here but her intentions ARE good, and a group date is a good way to relive presssure. It just ends up falling through becaue Lori wants her to act intentionally helpless, which makes no sense both for Lori’s personality given how driven and controlling she is and how Bobby clearly knows both things and likes the first and she worked on the second for him. So yeah the golf date falls through and Lori apologizes for being a bitch about all of this, as they all do, which again. .has me questioning WHY we needed the whole sister group instead of just Lori and co. Or even just Lori. The show REALLY needed to learn character ballance and while it is struggling on occasion, as seen with how lincolncentric this season has been so far, this episode reminds me it used to be MUCH worse. 

But Lucy thanks them because their intetnions were good, i’m going to need a citation on that given it came off as them wanting her to change because they found her weird nad not because they genuinely wanted to help her, and goes off to sulk about being alone. Lincoln dosen’t know what to do till the next day where, again suprisingly, Rusty had the right idea and had them come over to his place. We also find out he’s scared of blood.. which.. I can relate to. Seriously i’ve only insulted the guy once the whole episode

But we find that out because Rocky made his own because he actually found Lucy’s really cool, what a kid. So Lincoln gets the brothers over to his house by damaging the project himself then claming they need to go back and once he sees Lucy’s around has Rocky go into the kitchen to get them some sodas which he agrees to because why not. 

So in a nice little change-up on the running gag Rocky shows up startling Lucy and we get a really fucking cute scene as they hash things out. They have a normal conversation, finally getting past their shared awkwardness, in part because he admits he prefers her as herself.  As it turns out Rocky wasn’t scared.. he just thought she was too cool for him and felt intimidated and like Lucy had no idea what to say. The two then blush and after my heart melts and I freeze it back into shape in a few hours, the two decide to go look at her coffin collection and the next day proudly show off their perfected fake blood.. which destroys the project one more time. WAH WAH WAH. Oh rusty... I knew I could count on you to fuck up at least once. 

Back in Black Final Thoughts: First off Black in Black: Weird Name. I mean it kinda gives the game away, not that fans would thikn horrifying mistake lucy would stick but still, and dosen’t really fit. Call it “Why Do Ghoul’s Fall in Love” or something like that or something related to makeovers. Makeover Mistep. Don’t Make Me Over. Makeover Your Case... okay that last one sounds more like the Legally Blond equilvent of Cobra Kai but the point is it’s just weird.  Outside of the parts I already went in detail about why their dreadful.. this ep is pretty good. That one bit isn’t enough to derail the episode, merley take it’s goodness down a notch, and Lucy is genuinely fun to watch and her heartbreak is hard to watch, and Rocky was an engaging new character with lots of potetial. A large part of why I did this episode. is to ask WHY he hasn’t come back. Rusty’s now a major character, to the point he’s co-headlining an episode next week with Zach... why Zach’s getting an episode, a SECOND one at that I have no earthly idea but the point is the show’s getitng comfortable enought heir giving lincoln’s friends starring episodes without him too, as Liam got one , if alongside Lynn the power couple of 2021 I tells ya. My point is, besides when is Stella getting an episode dammit, that Rocky really should make a come back as he both provides another character for Rusty and the rest of the lincrew to bounce off of, and he and Lucy had genuine chemstiry and now she has her OWN cast there’s an easy story there about her friends reaction to her dating a non goth. There’s a lot of story potetial with this precious boy bring him back.  But overall Pretty in Black is a decent episode, worth checking out if you haven’t seen it and rewatching even if you have.

Stage Plight: So we open with Luann, whose one of my personal faviorites along with Leni, Luna, and Lucy. Granted I haven’t checked out her yearly bouts of going ax crazy on her family yet, but we’ll see in april. But outside of that, which is easy enough to isee iven it’s three episodes out of 214 where she’s like this and she gets her compuance, I find her precious, awkward, and entertaining, from her habit of saying “Get it “ to her love of puns, to the fact she’s essentially a wholesome version of the batman villian the ventriloquist..

Yeah in case you forgot about this gag, she often talks through her dummy Mr. Coconuts.. who functions as her sounding board and helps her figure things out, talks like he’s from the 40′s or 50′s, and in general is a delight. He also once or twice, including this episode acts of his own free will so I don’t know if this is a Child’s Play situation and a dying comedian put his body in her dummy and she’s just rolling with it, if she somehow put a piece of her soul in a dummy or what the hell’s going on here. Compared to the series recently what with it’s mayoral campagins, children murdering guys, and actualy factual spies, this is mildly sane. MIldly. This may also be a serious and untreated case of Disociative Identnity Disorder, but given it’s not framed that way, and Coconuts just seems to be Luann’s way of talking with herself, for now she has’nt gone full vintriloquist. Thoguh givne her april fools day behavior and her profession as a comedian, she probably WILL become the new joker at a some point. 

So the two are talking about Luann’s crush on Benny. Benny was introduced back in L is for Love and is one of the only three love interests there to actually return, and along with Sam the only onen to get multiple episodes about their relationship with their respective loud and a full personality. He was also MASSIVELY hated. For those who joined the fandom more recently, Luann was massively shipped with Maggie, an emo girl who showed up in Luann’s second spotlight episode and one where she didn’t torment her entire family, one I still need to see but have read about. It was pretty cute and nothing was wrong with that or the opposites attract dynamic. But said fans got REALLY and understandibly upset about his introduction and were presumibly none too happy he got to return and got his roll expanded.  And I.. genuinely like the kid. I have nothing against Maggie and in fact poly ship her with both Luann and Benny, as both seem like they’d be open to that and her dour demanor creates a nice contrast between the chipper luann and the somewhat chipper but also chill benny in the middle. I just feel he’s a very likeable character, sweet and awkward and very much on Luann’s wavelength. Like Sam he’s SIMILAR to his love intrest, having Luann’s love of puns, mime and the theater, but is also not quite as giggly about it and as I said has a bit more of a chill to him, in contrast to how sam is slightly more energetic to Luna’s near constant calm off stage. 

I also like him because he’s voiced by Sean Giabrone, an up and coming voice actor who I first met watching the Goldbergs as Adam. His other biggest role so far has been playing Jeff on Clarence, though he’s currently picked up another lead voice roll as Yumulack on Solar Opposites, easily one of the best parts of that show, and has done othe rminor and recurring work, but I feel he’s got the potetial to have a long and fruitful career in voice acting if he wants it. I mean he’s far from the first former ABC star or former Ron Stoppable to make a long and successful voice career of himself. Be the next will fredle man you can do it. 

But yeah I like him and think their cute together and feel demonizing a ship for one that had a low chance of happening isn’t fair, especially when you know, we’re in a fandom where incest runs rampant and is STILL a recurring problem to this day. Pick your fucking battles for god’s sake. As I mentioned you can put maggie in with this relationship or Still ship luaggie regardless. 

So back in the episode Luann and Coconuts notice Benny signing up for the school play and decide to join him. 

Yeah i’ve noticed that a LOT of school set plots are about one of the mains joining a play to either be near or play romantic lead with their crush, or romantic hyjinks happening anyway.  Seriously i’ts a lot. I DID think most of them were around romeo and juliet, and Proud Family, Pepper Anne, and Ned’s Declassified all are probably why, it’s actually way more diverse and i’m happy to give credit to shows and movies for that:  Jimmy Neutron used Macbeth (IN SPACEEEEEE), American Dragon Jake Long used Antony and Cleopatra, as did the comic strip Foxtrot (That one I remembered), Daria used the canterbury tales, Arrested Development used Much Ado about Nothing, and one of my faviorite instances is the film Get Over it. It’s a cheesy as hell early 2000′s high school pg-13 comedy, that I loved as a teen and nos nostalgicaly love but am aware it has issues and some stitled acting as an adult where our hero joins the high school play in order to win his ex girlfriend back from the douchebag she’s seeing now and ends up falling for his best friend’s kid sister instead. They do a mid summer’ night’s dream, which is not only awesome SOMEONE thought to use that one , as the film has given me a special affection for the play.. but it’s a cheesy musical version written by the gloriously over acted director of the play played by martin short. 

My faviorite part of it is the boy band style number about Hermia. Yes really. And I didn’t even get into the fact Siquo is one of the main character’s best friends, Kristin Dunst had to reshoot a scene while making the first rami spider-man , our heroes weird parents who are sex therapists and have no real filter AND offer Coolio a threesome on their advice show, and yes the actual coolio and yes that was an actual person that existed, or best of all the douchey rival who stole our heroes girlfriend, whose not only a former boy band member whose band peformed the song love scud, but also threatens our hero with nunchucks at one point. 

Just see this movie.. i’ll hopefully talk about it some day. 

Point is this kind of plot is stock.. but it’s the good kind you can do a lot of twists and turns with as every example mentioned, even the ones using the crush thing, had some clever twist or turn. And this one is no exception as we’ll see. 

So we meet Ms. Berardo, the schools HAMMY as hell drama teacher who gives herself an entrance and is just wondrously entertaining throughout. She’s played by Grey Delise Griffin, which I could recognize immodestly and man does she bring it. Seriously bring her back. Wonderful character. So our heroine and her leading man audition and in a refreshing change of pace they do not get the lead rolls, instead a modern valley girl and a jock who writes his stuff on his arms do so instead.  But since Bernado’s a bit nuts, she decides to have the Montagues and Capulets practice separately despite tha not making a ton of sense, to drive up tension and what not. I mean isolating an actor to drive up tension is a vallid technique but even having not read Romeo and Juliet since high school, over a decade ago, I can tell you they have several scenes together and this is a logistical nightmare. However our heroine finagles her way over to swapping camps so she can talk to Benny since honestly given the whole thing was a way to get to spend more time with him, she might as well quit otherwise. It also.. isn’t a bad tactic. She wants to know him before asking him out properly, which is fair and a good way to go, and they already know each other and are friendly, and it’s something she likes doing anyway as they were both involved with a play in his first appearance and her liking theater makes sense as she’s a comedian, and while she clearly prefers standup, it’s often a natural evolution to go fromt hat to acting in comedy stuff or making your own show, so it’s not a bad idea to learn that side of the buisness too. 

So Luann FINALLY gets to talk to Benny.. after fast ball specialing mr coconuts in the way of someone trying to sit down

But we get a really cute moment as the two just.. talk like two dorky teenagers; They talk about the real mimes of la, which I want badly to be a show.. even if it’s just to find out what the Mime from Animaniacs is up to now. Where DID that guy go? Did the anvil finally kill him? These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.. which is probably why I’m finishing this at 4 in the morning. But the two have genuine chemistry with Luann offering him her banana, phrasing, and making a pun he chuckles at. It’s adorable as all hell. 

And Bernardo notices, and since her leads have no sparks she regretfully demotes them.. though their reaction is hilariously realistic as both are just happy to have less lines and walk off. She decides to cast Luann and Benny despite being freshman which would never happen but eh this is a unvierse with a snakebird and spies trying to destroy cherries with a death laser why I do I care two seasons later if two freshman got the leads in the play. Still I love the twist: our hero wasn’t trying to get the lead to creeiply force intamacy or anything.. the two just had natural chemistry and the director noticed that and wants to use it. 

But while this should be great.. it isn’t as Luann keeps dodging actually kissing Benny when they rehearse the kiss. The reason.. is really frigging endearing. Luann simply hasn’t kissed anyone before, this will be her first.. and naturally she’s REALLY nervous about having it in front of a crowd or Benny thinking she’s a bad kisser. And I mean... while I had no personal experience at that age in kissing, most media and personal accounts detail it as awkward as fuck. But that’s the irony: she dosen’t KNOW it’s always awkward and thus is putting a ton of pressure on herself like anyone her age.

So she breaks under the pressure despite the reasurances of her Dummy/Possible Sign that she needs therapy and while she finds a way out the next Day Benny has aburbtly quit because of “chess club”.. which he’s not in. Luann finds him and talks to him about it, worried it’s her fault.. and she’s right, though Benny bowed out because she clearly wasn’t comfortable with him and didn’t want to make her kiss him when she clearly wasn’t comfortable with it. What a man what a man what a mighty good man. Luann TRIES to explain.. and then lets Mr Coconuts do it. Which usually in high school would lead to humilating rejection. instead Benny brings out his own puppet Mrs. Appleblossom. 

Just those eyes.. black and souless.. like a doll’s eyes.. because htey are a doll’s eyes. So yeah Benny also has a puppet he uses to say the things he’s too nervous to say. Which is endearing even if again , KILL IT. KILL IT. I mean i’ts like tha tone guy from victorious if the puppets were actually charming and one of them looked like it was about to play hide the soul. Mrs. Appleblossom explains that Benny is also nervous and with the air cleared and the two realizing theyw ere nervous about the same thing... the inevitible happens

So that fades into the kiss happening on stage, with Luann’s family cheering her, our heroes take a fookin bow and Coconuts and Appleblossom look on.. and talk somehow...and somehow got in the seats on their own. 

Stage Plight Final Thoughts: This episode.. is one of the series best, with great pacing, a low amount of repetition and a relatable conflict, while building up Luann’s love intrest to be a wonderful and engaging guy, and giving us a hell of a guest character and Mrs. Gerardo. This episod eis great, the chemistyr between Gambrone and Pucelli is fantastic. This one is just awesome and worth a look especially if the ship contrversy had hit you hard. It really is good. And there’s always room for benny. Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure. 

[theinquisitivej]

‘The Emoji Movie’ - A Movie Review

What do you want me to say about this film? Are you eagerly anticipating me tearing it apart as I as I spew hate towards a long list of creative missteps? Or are you intrigued to see if I can share some unexpected positivity and point towards some hidden qualities I found in the most unassuming of packages? Whichever side you want me to fall under, I can’t help but feel I’m going to disappoint.

          ‘The Emoji Movie’ is a vacuous film with very little thought put into its construction. Its story is a weak approximation of at least four other far more successful family movies. The world it depicts inside a phone is a limp amalgamation of ideas that are neither fully developed nor coherent with each other in a way that builds up to any higher meaning or significance. The entire project lacks focus, especially in its unclear intended message. There is the main “just be yourself” philosophy it’s trying to impart, but unless this theme is explored with sincerity and talent, and this film has neither of those things, this message often comes across as clichéd and so very lazy. ‘The Emoji Movie’ has been one of the easiest targets of 2017 to criticise, and it offers very little to change your mind.

          And yet despite how easy it would be for me to condemn it, I find it difficult to muster up the intense disgust I was expecting to feel for this movie. While there’s nothing there for me to love, there’s also nothing there for me to get worked up enough over to hate. Its technical features don’t stumble over themselves to a point where the film becomes a trainwreck, and it doesn’t contain ugly themes or immediately apparent objectionable material. This is an empty movie. It isn’t well made, but I can muster up neither positivity nor negativity for a film being just as superficial and devoid of depth as we expected it to be. Funnily enough the emotional response I feel more than any other is the one state of mind Gene, the main emoji character voiced by T.J. Miller, is trying his best to limit himself to feeling; cold disinterest accompanied with an indifferent “meh”.

          So the rest of this review will be spent trying to construct my criticisms into something positive. Most of what I have to say is still highlighting why ‘The Emoji Movie’ is not a good film, but my intention is to compare it with the films it has so clearly taken inspiration from, and discuss the differences in approach and how similar elements can be done better. Because that’s what kids, moviegoers, and the medium of film really does deserve; better.

Characterising Digital Constructs – ‘The Emoji Movie’ vs. ‘Wreck-It Ralph’

          Both ‘Wreck-It Ralph’ and ‘The Emoji Movie’ are films about digital characters living in a virtual world. Each centres around one character who is at odds with their role in a rigid system that requires them to act in a set way. Gene aspires to be the ‘meh’ emoji he is expected to be but his natural personality leads him to express other emotions, and Ralph is the unappreciated bad guy in an arcade game who just wants to be acknowledged for once. Both set-ups have room for emotional journeys we can empathise with, and you might just find something in Gene’s circumstances that resonates with problems or ideas you have been struggling with in your life. Every film has the factor of subjectivity in its favour, and I do believe that the story told in this film will mean more for some people than it did for me, and I’m glad for that.

          Speaking for myself, I would still argue that the resolution to these two protagonist’s arcs seems stronger in ‘Wreck-It Ralph’. Gene’s story may be about getting something he needed that he didn’t know he wanted at the start, which has merit, but he gets an ideal ending. His life and the life of everyone around him is made better (even if it’s not clear why what happened would make everyone’s outlook shift so radically), and everyone gets to be the best possible version of themselves and be unceasingly happy. Ralph is undeniably more content by the end of his story, but not because he’s living the high life he wanted for himself at the beginning. The characters in this story have undergone emotional change, but apart from Vanellope, everyone’s lives are more or less the same as when the film started. Ralph was dissatisfied with his circumstances at the beginning, and while some things have changed to make his life more comfortable, he is still in the same situation by the end, except he’s okay with it. There are things he knows he will never have, but he is content with the recognition and appreciation of the special few rather than the adoration of the faceless masses he craved at the beginning.

          I respond to Ralph’s character development more than Gene’s because he gets it through some sacrifice. Gene doesn’t have any troubles by the end of the film, and that’s a fine point to end on; there’s a reason we enjoy happy endings. But Gene’s doesn’t work as well for me because he hasn’t had to give up much to enjoy the high life and adoration of the entire world. Being yourself is a commendable message, but you’ve got to accept that at least some people won’t love you for that. That’s okay. Your emotional state doesn’t have to please everyone, but as long as you feel that you are being true to who you are and what you feel, then there is something to that.

          Also, frankly speaking, I think there’s more depth to explore when characterising video game characters versus characterising tools of expression on your messaging device. A game character is a personality with at least some details filled in to allow them to fit in with the world of the game they inhabit. An emoji is a simplistic, sweeping representation of a single feeling, expression, or concept. It’s easy to think of a game character’s role and personality because some of that is already there in the source material. An emoji is a tool of communication. That’s all I can really get from it. There’s only so much reasonable flexibility with how you can paint them as characters before the premise starts falling flat on its face.

Being Different from the Crowd – Gene vs. Emmet

          Gene and Emmet from ‘The Lego Movie’ are both different from what most of their society says they should be. However, Gene’s apparent flaw of being too expressive is never something we genuinely believe he should try to fix. Being passionate and open to the emotions you feel are generally considered positive human traits, and the film is clearly trying to make us like Gene in the early stages of the story for being this way. We don’t want him to become detached, so for most of the narrative, we don’t want our protagonist to achieve his goal.

          Conversely, Emmet, spurred on by the realisation that no one knows he even exists, aspires to be as interesting and distinct as the amazing people he sees all around him. When he discovers he is the Special, but is routinely beat over the head that he is not original or creative, we empathise with him because he is trying to achieve something that all of us want for ourselves. Gene is so obviously a unique individual in a crowd of one-dimensional rigid personalities, and we’re just counting the minutes until he reaches the foregone conclusion that this is a good thing. Even within ‘The Lego Movie’s story, Emmet is designed to represent a generic occupation, not a specific individual. We sympathise with the desire that people know who we are, and we can see how difficult it is for Emmet to achieve this when he’s surrounded by an expansive crowd of striking personalities, some of which are famous icons or characters with which we’re already familiar.

          If Ralph’s story represents a more satisfying character arc in which something is sacrificed, then Emmet’s journey shows the difference between ‘The Emoji Movie’s lack of a compelling struggle in comparison to the much more human one we see in ‘The Lego Movie’. Emmet is trying to do what we all want for ourselves. Gene wants something too specific to a contrived scenario for me to relate to him.

Looking at Emotion and Applying it to the Life of a Child – ‘The Emoji Movie’ vs. ‘Toy Story’ and ‘Inside Out’

          There is actually a storyline in ‘The Emoji Movie’ about Alex, the teenage boy who owns and uses the phone the emojis inhabit, but I honestly think he only takes up five minutes of the runtime. I often forgot about the world outside this phone because we tune back into Alex and his life at school so infrequently. It’s also jarring because, while every human is well-modelled, the animation on them is unimpressive as they exhibit a very limited range of expressions (it doesn’t help that the short that played before the film was for ‘Hotel Transylvania’, a series with tremendously energetic animation). Worst of all, we know very little about Alex beyond the fact that he likes a girl and wants to ask her to the school dance.

          Think about Andy in ‘Toy Story’ and Riley in ‘Inside Out’. Can you imagine those films with Woody or Joy being largely unconcerned with these two? In stark contrast, the emojis only worry about Alex because they’re afraid of him doing a system reset to fix the glitches on his phone that are the consequences of Gene’s actions. They rarely express any investment in Alex’s life or his emotional development. The only personal reward they appear to get from being used in Alex’s texts is the egocentric pride of being put in the spotlight. James Corden’s character, the high-five emoji, misses the glory days of being used and wants to be in the favourites section so that he can be famous and adored in the world of emojis. In comparison with Joy’s struggles to make Riley happy during a difficult time in her life, or Woody’s devotion to Andy being so intense that he has no purpose in life if he can’t be there for Andy, these emojis are much more concerned with their own happiness than they are with helping the child they’ve been charged with.

          It seems cruel to say the non-human characters in these films should exist only to serve their human masters. But if we’re being honest, what’s the point of stories that ascribe personalities to tools, objects, and abstract concepts if we aren’t going to examine what significance they hold in our lives? Why should we tell a narrative about toys? ‘Toy Story’ argues that they embody nostalgia for our bygone childhood, and their role in our own development makes them analogues for the parents and guardians that we must drift away from as part of growing up. Okay, then why should we make a story about emotions being little people living inside our head? ‘Inside Out’ answers this by having their actions and desires represent the bubbling internal thoughts of a young girl as her new surroundings make her unsure of who she is. Fair enough. Now, what does a story about emojis have to say about us? Very little, it seems. Alex’s role in the story is nothing more than a timebomb for the emojis to overcome as they go on their own reflective journeys. The two-dimensional emojis feel entirely divorced from the one human presence in their lives.

          The story ‘The Emoji Movie’ tells could have been achieved by any other film. You want to make a movie about the emojis in a teenager’s phone? Fine. But I at least expect you to tell me something about the teenager.

Conclusion

          I don’t feel comfortable tearing ‘The Emoji Movie’ apart, even though it’s so very easy to do so. Some of the people in my cinema looked like they were sincerely enjoying it, so even if I found it cringeworthy, I can’t honestly say that this is an unwatchable movie that’s impossible to like. Clearly some people do. But it is vapid and dull, even if it’s not outright offensive. If nothing else, I hope this review has shown that, as bad as some movies can be, the stories we do value don’t go away. A bad movie with a stupid premise will always have a superior alternative that deals with a similar idea much more effectively. ‘The Emoji Movie’ doesn’t really matter when I will always have any one of the better examples I’ve discussed today. So I’m prepared to bury ‘The Emoji Movie’ and move on. Judging from other reviews, it looks like everyone else already has.

3/10.

‘The Emoji Movie’ is empty of everything I love about film and storytelling. If it were only worse I could muster up some kind of passionate response. Instead, all I’m left with is… meh.

[silentsyche]

A survivor of child marriage

Loneliness is the demon who summons me with the most consideration. He often begins his torture by baiting me with colorful impersonations of people. Orange overwhelms my eyelids. Red shakes my spine. Blue forces me to detach. Black reveals the void. Magenta is the most interesting though. So I approach it with curiosity that is hard to control and I ask if it will be my companion for eternity. If only it could grace my inner thoughts and battle the white emptiness of my pain. This beautifully amorphous thing usually complies and I let it enter. We begin to talk of our pasts and what we are looking for in our chromatic presents. Being the gentlewoman that I am, I base the conversation on it and then comment on myself as I ask the next one. We spend the night together speaking of our deepest and most forbidden thoughts. It has this really great joke about hating Roseart crayons because the lack of potency. In retrospect, it was never funny but I was so used to my way of thinking that I decided to laugh out of pity. As dawn approaches, we find ourselves silent and looking into each other's eyes. I never quite know what magenta is thinking but to see myself in someone else's is enough. You see, I spend many nights looking at the bare walls of my motel 6. Beige was a friend of mine until she was trafficked to the overlords at the local paint store. Her impressions haunt my living room, bathroom, and every doctor’s office I find. I couldn’t believe that such a reasonable color could be exploited so terribly without concern. I guess we all know what that feels like. It's inevitable in this world and our purpose in life is to unsully that truth as much as possible.

Tears with pain.

Magenta looks different in light. It resembles the last keystroke of a masterpiece. What was necessary is complete and the anxiety shifts to reception. Every time I notice the change. I see magenta become this opaque briefcase filled with letters and no translator. Letters that have a home and could be understood but the faculty is too clueless to truly comprehend. It stares at me wondering why I could ever think a color could understand a human. It reminds me that it is used to express human ingenuity and not for my pleasure.

Transition to nothingness.

I’ve been using again. I can always tell by my artistic mishaps. My paint was left to dry on the mirror and I suppose in a drunken stupor, I mistook it for my reality. Not much of an issue now as it was before. I have work, acquaintances, a meaningless relationship, and misunderstandings to distract me now. I could always replace magenta with purple. They are practically the same. Aren’t they?

Read is red.

Some would say that loneliness and being alone are the same but I don’t see it. Loneliness has no bounds and to be alone is circumstantial. Plus I am married to loneliness so who knows him better than me? I know how he likes his eggs and I understand his pain after a long day. I can visualize his heavy breathing as he lords over my beaten body trying to demand my compliance. We fight but he usually wins. I can’t remember when we met or what the proposal was like but I found early that we were meant for one another. Matrimony was our way of declaring to our families that our silence was actually love. That our isolation and infrequent expression was a norm and was fundamental to our stable monogamy. My mother hated it and tried to force me to talk. My father was content since he cheated as well, with my mother on his loneliness. He abuses me but I don’t care or I have given up. How can I remove something that I can’t defeat? How can I run when he is always torturing and tormenting my soul? I can’t leave this place. I can't go to another. Who will feed me like he does? Who will fuel my artistic endeavours as he does? Who will hold me against the wall so that my creativity will flourish beyond comprehension?  I once cheated with magenta though. It was lovely until the blank stare happened. My husband beat me senseless. I am not scared to do it again but the options are few.

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Man fighting for life in Derriford after hit-and-run

A 25-yr-vintage Man is combating for his existence in Derriford Health facility after a hit-and-run in South Devon.

Police are investigating the incident which took place at 00.55am on Saturday morning in Westridge Street, Kingsteignton.

The man suffered existence threatening injuries inside the collision. The automobile involved failed to prevent at the scene. Giving Up Grandma – A Fight For existence, A Combat For Dying

First, she stated she was feeling a bit “beneath the weather.” She did seem slightly paler than standard but, with flu season upon us, we chalked this minor exchange in skin coloration as much as not anything greater than “she have to have caught whatever is going around.”

Then, she complained of ache inside the mid-to-lower right facet of her stomach. This ache, she stated, regarded to “wrap-around” the right side of her body, inflicting soreness in each the front and back. “Likely just sore ribs,” we concluded, “she has been coughing an awful lot recently.”

Subsequent, terrible bouts of nausea became a frequent traveler. Even though she by no means physically vomited, those episodes alone had been extra than enough to leave her simply bedridden and constantly within near variety of a “barf bucket.” Right now we felt we ought to not count on an easy flu nailed her, however, rather, that her symptoms had been because of a “tons more difficult-to-kick-than-regular” belly flu.

Negative Grandma, we notion, for someone 83 years of age, when even the minor-est of flu’ may be difficult to triumph over, she now needed to deal with an excellent more enemy then we at the beginning first concept; a dreadful belly flu, one among which changed into wreaking terrible havoc on her body and one of which regularly had her crippled over in ache, had her in its grip so tightly we were unsure if it would ever allow going. Darn flu, besides!

Our force to the Health center changed into one taken in nearly perfect silence, neither my husband nor I within the proper frame of mind to truly communicate. Photos of grandma; scared, crying and screaming out in terrible ache, consumed my mind with such depth that any sights to be seen outdoor our truck home windows went unseen thru my eyes. The shopping mall, movie complex, several restaurants, and numerous fuel stations…All flashed by using in a blur, omitted. while we reached the Medical institution not greater than twenty mins later, I used to be nearly in disbelief at “how” we were given there, my memory of the trip, not anything extra than just a “blip” on a radar display screen. Once internal, however, I did now not want my reminiscence to serve as a reminder as to “why” we were there; crisp white uniforms, sickly faded inexperienced partitions and the heavy smell of disinfectant lingering within the air made me very conscious.

We were at the Health center, we had been here for grandma and grandma was going to die…soon.

I appeared over at my husband, supplied a vulnerable smile and took his hand in mine. “K, permit’s try this,” I said, with extra conviction in my voice then I felt. With a nod of his head, he again my smile, placed an arm around my shoulders and we have been off, headed for room 517.

We reached our destination mere moments later and, Although I attempted to stay calm, coming face-to-face with the door to grandma’s room sent a rush of panic through my frame so harsh that it left me in a close to the frenzied nation. Abruptly, I felt “detached” from the rest of the arena, as though not anything and nobody around me existed anymore. I should see, I should pay attention, I may want to odor; but, my senses seemed to have gone awry, making my head spin and leaving me to feel faint. Terrified, my frame shook uncontrollably and nausea filled my gut. With no actual affirmation of what we might discover As soon as we entered the room I had only my expectancies to depend upon and, of my expectations, none had been nowhere near the quality. The truth turned into, this changed into no sports display; there were no “winning doorways” for me to select from and no prize awaited me on the opposite aspect. I took a deep breath to relax and, with one very shaky hand, reached out, grew to become the knob and started out to open the door.

Laughter!

What the heck? Why do I listen laughter and who might be laughing at a time like this? I was bowled over! Wow, the nerve of some people. Grandma is on this room, loss of life, and a person in the very identical room is actually…guffawing? How dare they? How dare they come into this room and make so mild of what is going on? Do they now not understand what a hard time that is and do they not care? My God, my Negative, candy, terrific grandma…”how I sure do wish you cannot pay attention what’s taking region around you at this very second.” Now, not only shocked but aggravated as properly, I may want to infrequently wait to give the “offender(s)” a bit of my mind so I readied myself for a confrontation, flung the door open huge and charged into the room at complete velocity.

“GRANDMA?” I gasped! “What…What are you doing away from bed?”

In one nook of the room, Next to the window, sat grandma. She sat in a vinyl chair, her frail body buried under a mountain of blankets, carrying the maximum lovely smile on her face. I could not agree with my eyes! I had fully anticipated to locate her mendacity in bed, doped up on painkillers and, much more likely than now not, unconscious to the arena. Boy, was I wrong! On both aspect of her sat my mother, my brother, an aunt and an uncle and several different relatives, all engrossed inside the memories she become telling of “days long past by using” and all of the even as she beamed from ear-to-ear. Wow, what a stunning sight! however, even greater lovely was the hearty laughter that escaped her lips at the same time as she acknowledged those activities. Sure, laughter and, Sure, grandma changed into none apart from one of the “perpetrator(s)” herself. This discovery, I quickly found out, would grow to be one among which I might treasure for all time.

“Oh, the kids are right here,” grandma introduced with a smile. “Are available, youngsters, Are available and deliver grandma a hug.”

As asked, my husband and i went over to grandma and we took her into our hands, maintaining her tight And not using a desire to permit pass. I found the warm temperature of her body comforting but, as for the gentle fragrance of plants on her skin, no longer a lot. My old’ manufacturing unit senses at once recognized the heady scent as a fragrance she often wore and, when the realization I might by no means breath that heady scent from her pores and skin again hit me, it hit me difficult. Beaten by way of grief, I crumpled deep into grandma’s fingers and allow the tears go with the flow. Squeezing me tight, she cooed, “Now, now, no tears, toddler, everything might be nice.” How ironic, I notion, I had come here to consolation grandma in her time of need but, now, it become her who changed into comforting me.

“How, grandma, how? How is the entirety going to be first-class?” I whimpered, “you are…Leaving us!”

“Leaving you? Oh no, pricey,” she countered. “I’m no longer leaving you, I am simply loss of life.”

Then, inside the gentle-spoken voice of hers that I was so familiar with, she went directly to explain to me, in depth, her emotions on lifestyles, Dying and existence-after-Death. I found out that now not most effective was grandma extra than ready to die, I found out that she was additionally very tons “searching forward” to it. In Reality, when first given the information approximately her quickly-to-take-region impending Demise, she instructed me she felt a combination of pleasure, exhilaration and remedy. “I’ve had a terrific life here on the planet,” she stated, “however my bones are antique and my frame aches, I am geared up to move on and join grandpa, the exchange will do me desirable.” Grandpa had surpassed away 13 years in advance and, after his Demise, there has been not anything grandma wanted extra then to be reunited with him another time. With the inevitable soon to arrive, and along with her robust non secular beliefs, she felt very relaxed in feeling that this reunion turned into truly on the agenda. Without worry, issues or worries, Dying knocked at her door and she or he become best too glad to welcome it in.