#but it could've worked better and made sense if instead making it to a cheap drama because the views are low or whatever

[sanjarka]

emma and killian's love story deserved better writers, i mean you're gonna tell me that hook died like a HUNDRED TIMES in season five and then season six comes along and you never mention it? that's something that literally needs to get addressed again are you serious rn.

[kissmethroughthebone]

The Holidays were a mess!

Sometimes I date people and they make it seem like they have some big surprise in store for me, and then they don't.

Like this passing Christmas, my wishlist was very simple:

Lab-grown gemstones (if one really bothered to search, I could've gotten like 10 sapphires, 10 rubies and 5 other gemstones for the price of an average Shake Shack order from gemsngems)

Sapphire or emerald ring (even broke people can get this; Etsy has sapphire and emerald rings for 30 bucks. Are they doublets [a.k.a. a gemstone sat upon a thin later of glass]? Yes. But are they nice, pretty, cheap and what I want? Yes. Or even a lab grown one would've been dirt cheap.)

A blanket...... yep, that's it. A blanket. An UGG blanket would've been amazing but frankly all blankets are good. Hard to mess up. Like, under 30 bucks, really.

A massage oil candle. As in the brands where you get a candle that, when lit, slowly melts into a skin-safe warm body oil. Sexy AND comforting, works for both self-care and intimacy with someone. 35$ maximum, but some sold for as low at 15$ for guaranteed high quality massage oil.

Easy enough list, right? Even a man working at Amazon could do this.

And what I actually got:

Excuses.

I almost did get a massage oil candle, but it was my last fling's shoddy attempt at making one... ah yes, a man who could've spent like, 15 bucks, decided that an empty no-spout pasta jar with untested-for-skin-safety heated up shea butter and lavender oil, with a wick in it, was what I deserved...... after being great all year to him.

Why didn't I get it, you ask? Well, let's just say men don't like it when you hold them accountable for things they attempted that made them deserving to be on a registry somewhere. Thankfully, I have hands. He didn't want these hands moisturized even when I almost lacked the sense to forgive him! (I was in a haze and hardly had anyone around me, of course I was almost gonna go back to an abuser!)

Meanwhile he still blew tons of money on board games and comic books.

The ethical anti-consumer organic product naturalista in me is flattered, but ultimately not at all impressed.

Ha! Funny how last year I discussed with others openly on my social media page that a man who spends more on himself, than you, is a man who underprioritizes you.

And the men on my roster, (consisting of my Recent Ex Boyfriend, who let's call L, and my recent fling, let's call M,) agreed, and promised to do better.

It paused temporarily! L stopped with the Bape hoodie obsession of his for a bit and promised more high end dates. (He promised that when we broke up too, since men always try when they know they're gonna lose you for good and will pull out all stops.) M temporarily paused (or hid better) his obsession with wasting cash on rare comic books he never reads online.

And then it happened again. Suddenly everyone has rhinestone hoodies and the limited edition Resident Evil comic books, but no money for a real date, or to pick me up from anywhere but a BART station.

Whew, chile. The ghetto. The ghettoooooo.

My fault for dating broke niggas with issues.

All good though. I'll tighten the fuck up!

I am meant for ubers, galas, chaffeurs, high end events and success! Bills paid! Not... that lame shit!

Low tier men are good for smaller expenses, or tasks; small bills, little hair treatments, maybe a dress or shoes. Some jewelry if in budget! But, talk to them scarcely and show there's always better out there for you and that they have to impress you. Always. Or else, its not worthwhile to see them!

Mid tier men are good for actual life investments: carpet cleaning services, construction, vector control, taxes, actual real gemstone jewelry, subscription services, buying a car or jewelry, and more.

High tier men are good for LIFE in general; industry things, housing things, anything ever on this planet. Ever. They'll always do it.

I keep sympathizing with men and/or letting them get away with things, instead of utilizing them as stepping stones for what I want.

Since you give too much to a man and they get comfortable and stop trying.

Fuck that, I need all my niggas to be working and crying over the idea of losing me! Heart panging in their chest, bent at the knees sobbing, since another man is taking me out to a high end dinner after treating me to some earrings.

I love doing that to men, so much. Always.

Anyway, just reminding myself I got everything to thrive and have no need for a man to survive.

I have a well paying job, a nice mind and a beautiful face and body. I always get what I want. Always. Amen. Thanks and peace out yall!

[nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius]

Incorrect Quotes, Part A Lot

Reva: You played me! The Grand Inquisitor: Like the cheap kazoo you are!

Shiri to Seventh: First rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are. Eighth, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo! Shiri: 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

Shiri: Guys, I have a question. Eighth: kys <3 Shiri: I love you too. Seventh: Ah, yes. Siblings.

The Grand Inquisitor: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight. Shiri: Actually, Grand Inquisitor, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.

Seventh: You know what I’ve realized? Shiri: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Seventh: Nice try, anyways-

The Grand Inquisitor: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait. Shiri: You and me!!! The Grand Inquisitor, tearing up: Okay.

Eighth, texting The Grand Inquisitor: I’m a theif. The Grand Inquisitor: Thief. Eighth: Theif. The Grand Inquisitor: I before E except after C. Eighth: Thceif. The Grand Inquisitor: NO.

Seventh: Nice rock. Fifth: Thanks, Shiri gave it to me. Shiri: I threw it at you! Fifth: Isn't she the sweetest?

The Grand Inquisitor: Reva, what are you doing? Reva: *shaking a cat shaped piggy bank* I’m just trying to figure out how much change I have inside. The Grand Inquisitor: You could always take it out and count it. Reva: Where’s the fun in that?

Shiri: Well Fifth, I have to say, I'm really disappointed. Fifth: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

Shiri: I'll offer you some friendly advice- The Grand Inquisitor: I don't want your advice. Shiri: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

Reva: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!! Shiri: Reva- Shiri: It- it was just an ant-

Seventh: How does that even work? Reva, mocking her: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?! Seventh: Your face doesnt make sense.

Eighth: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up. Shiri: Oh no. Eighth: More like "oh yes!"

Reva: State your name, rank, and intention. Eighth: Eighth, Eighth, fun.

(the irony in this one is killing me)

Seventh: How are you today? The Grand Inquisitor: Please don’t make me think about my life.

Fifth: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Shiri periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’ Fifth: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

Fifth: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it. Shiri: ...what happened? Fifth: I made a VERY bad mistake.

Eighth: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Shiri: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Eighth: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Fifth, recording: This is so cute.

Reva: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!

Seventh: Did you like the food I made? Fifth: No, not really. Seventh: But I put my heart and soul into it! Fifth: No wonder it tastes so cold and dead.

Fifth: Wow, did you hear that voice crack? Shiri: That wasn’t a voice crack, that was a whole voice meth.

Reva: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test! Shiri: Ok, Reva, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918? Reva: 1917. Shiri: ...You're ready.

Reva: Thank you for not saying "I told you so." The Grand Inquisitor: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.

Seventh: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking. Eighth, patting her on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Reva: I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t gotten arrested, let alone gotten a felony yet. Eighth: Nat 20 Charisma. Reva: That is NOT how that works-

Shiri: Guys, Eighth is missing. The Grand Inquisitor: Good.

Reva: Next time I'm at the pet store, I'm gonna take a hamster and drop it in the scorpion cage. I wanna see what a hamster's face looks like when it goes, "oh, fuck."

Fifth: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride. Seventh: Actually Fifth, it’s salt. Fifth: That’s what I said, sodium chloride. Seventh: Uh Fifth, that would be salt. Seventh: *takes salt packer from Fifth* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

Seventh: Did you like the food I made? Fifth: No, not really. Seventh: But I put my heart and soul into it! Fifth: No wonder it tastes so cold and dead.

Shiri: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Eighth. Shiri: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. Shiri: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. Eighth: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either. Shiri: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. Eighth: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it. Shiri: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

Eighth: Hey, can you do me a favor? The Grand Inquisitor: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this. Eighth: You don’t even have a legitimate reason? The Grand Inquisitor: Oh, no, I do. Eighth: Well, what is it? The Grand Inquisitor: You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.

Fifth: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Reva: ...Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Fifth: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Fifth: Just be yourself. Say something nice. The Grand Inquisitor: Which one? I can't do both.

Eighth: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* Hi! The Grand Inquisitor: Hey- what are you doing-? Eighth, shoving an oreo into his mouth: I am saving space :D

Shiri: Grand Inquisitor, that was a stop sign. The Grand Inquisitor, driving: I’ll stop twice on the way back.

Seventh: C'mon, take one for the team. Reva: No, I don’t want to. Let the team fail.

Shiri: What are you two arguing about this time? The Grand Inquisitor: He's always using common phrases incorrectly! Eighth: Cry me a table, Grand Inquisitor.

Reva: Oh god, he texted you ‘hi.’’ Punctuation only means one thing, Seventh. He's mad at you. Seventh: No, it's The Grand Inquisitor. He's just being gramatically correct! *meanwhile* The Grand Inquisitor: And then I used a period so she'd know that I'm mad at her. Fifth: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'. The Grand Inquisitor: I stand by my choice.

Fifth: Seventh, what have I told you about staying out past your curfew? Seventh: I need to do it more often. Fifth: Exactly.

Reva: Do you know the ABCs of first aid? Seventh: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Reva: I drink to forget but I always remember. Shiri: You're drinking orange juice.

Eighth: Shiri taught me to think before I act. Eighth: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

The Grand Inquisitor: Fifth, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand. Fifth: Why? I'm fine on the stand! *flashback to Testimony #1* Fifth: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand. Fifth, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME. *flashback to Testimony #2* Fifth: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face? Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying? *flashback to Testimony #3* Fifth: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers. Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

Eighth: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther? The Grand Inquisitor: Eighth, say that again, but slowly. Eighth, slowly: That again. The Grand Inquisitor: screams

Fifth: I’m playing a new drinking game. Fifth: It’s called “Every time I’m depressed, I take a drink.” Shiri: That game exists. It’s called alcoholism. Fifth: Shiri:

Seventh: seductively takes off glasses Seventh: Wow... Eighth: blushes Haha... what? Seventh: You're really fucking blurry.

Fifth: Hey Reva, can I get some ice cream? Reva: Only a spoonful! Fifth: *Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon*

Shiri: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! The Grand Inquisitor: How can you still say that? Shiri: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

[this-is-quite-homoerotic]

Yo! What did you think of the Expectant audio? I think it's the only TW audio that I listened to and thought mmm, that could've been so much more :( I get that it needed to have action and adventure but it kinda felt really obvious that the writer wasn't comfortable with Barrowman's dream. I think I expected better after how good so many audios like Broken have been :(

I’ll forgo spoilers in the first part for those who haven’t listened to the audio but might be interested in seeing a review, but there’ll be spoilers under the cut!

Anon, I agree with you! It definitely could have been so much better. I actually like the concept of the audio a lot, but the execution was... not to my taste, let’s say. To be fair, it really is a matter of taste, I personally didn’t like the humour, it did not mesh well with my sensibilities, though I also think it felt... outdated? I’m talking specifically about the sense of humour here.

The kind of jokes they made felt like something I might have found funny in the early 2000s when I didn’t know any better, before I examined some of the tropes/messages/expectations I’d absorbed from society and media (more about this under the cut because spoilers). The thing that bothered me the most about it was that it felt to me like the humour in it had not caught up to 2020 sensibilities, and Expectant is, first and foremost, a comedy piece. So if the humour’s failing then that’s a big problem.

Your mileage may vary, though, humour is a matter of taste after all. Interestingly, I actually think John Barrowman enjoyed the script and had fun getting to act it out? This is just the impression I got (certainly, he might have played it a bit differently if he didn’t), and I think this might be a generational thing as well as a matter of taste and sense of humour.

Spoilers below

As I said, I actually love the general concept of the audio: Jack, grieving and at a loss for what to do in the face of losing half his team, offers to carry an old alien friend’s child for them when political scheming means the unborn child might be in danger, in the hopes of ensuring the child’s safety, political stability for several planets, and (it is implied) as a symbol of hope that there’s good things in the universe too, not just loss and devastation.

There are obvious obstacles to Jack carrying a pregnancy while still being an active Torchwood agent, which is an interesting and fun thing that’s explored from the first scene: Jack has got used to being immortal and doing his job might well get him killed. Normally this isn’t a problem but if he dies while pregnant the baby can die too. But Torchwood is understaffed and still adapting to being a three-person team, so Jack has agreed to carrying the baby only if he can keep on working.

An interesting premise, vaguely tied in with a big moment from the show and the emotional fallout which wasn’t explored much in the show itself (Tosh and Owen’s deaths and how they affected Jack), some stakes from the get-go, plus a new original alien character (Jonty). So far, so good.

There are two main things that got in the way of me enjoying the audio: 1) how Jack was depicted as being hysterical during the pregnancy (and this being played for laughs), and 2) the indirect fatshaming (literally why, this was so unnecessary).

In the first case, they decided to write Jack as so emotionally unbalanced by the hormonal changes of the pregnancy that he had severe mood swings, with him breaking down crying supposedly triggered by insignificant things (like when he cries over a cupcake? Or something similar, I can’t be bothered to check). Jack having a meltdown would not be a bad thing to explore in an audio, except it felt to me as though they were using it as a joke? Like a “ha ha look how messed up he is by being pregnant, he’s so hormonal and out of control, isn’t that hilarious? Isn’t it so funny that this character is breaking down like a hormonal woman? Isn’t his pain just the funniest thing you’ve heard? :))))” (Sidenote but I also felt like John Barrowman overacted in these scenes, it didn’t sound like he was crying, it sounded like he was play-acting crying, and that didn’t help.)

The second thing was the whole fat camp-style spa subplot. While trying to get Jack to safety, Jonty takes Jack, who is heavily pregnant and showing, to a ““health spa”“ (read: weight-loss place) where Jack is put under a strict unhealthily-restrictive diet (especially given that he’s pregnant??), controlled by the overbearing spa lady (she literally takes food off his hands and watches him like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t “”overeat””), repeatedly fat-shamed, and this is all presented as a funny gag, presumably because he’s not really fat, he’s just pregnant! But people don’t know because he’s male/male-presenting, so all the micro-aggressions and abuse he’s subjected to are funny, right? Jack not being allowed to eat despite being hungry and heavily-pregnant is totally something to laugh at, surely (/s).

Disclaimer: this is not actually portrayed as though the fat-shaming is righteous and just behaviour, it’s sort of implied that the “”health-nuts”“ running the place were obsessive and weird, but that doesn’t change the fact that the whole subplot could have been something else entirely? Like, they obviously thought this was funny. Also, I won’t get into specifics but I am personally sensitive to these issues, so I can definitely see how some people might not be turned off by this at all; as I said, your mileage may vary and this is my own take on it.

So, these are my main issues with the audio. I don’t think the writer was uncomfortable with the concept as you say, Anon; I’d actually argue the opposite. It’s just that their take on it and their sense of humour were maybe not very in-tune with modern sensibilities (or with mine, at least) and the story suffered for it.

They took a look at the idea (a male/male-presenting character being pregnant) and came up with the worst tired comedy tropes for it: mood swings (and the resulting distress) played up for laughs, an emphasis on how big the character got being made fun of/criticised with an incomprehensible fatshaming subplot, they even threw in a reference that Jack’s previous pregnancy (mentioned in his first line in ep 1 of Torchwood) was a student prank (because men being pregnant is funny, I guess). Okay, that last one is a bit unfair, I just didn’t like it. They could have made Jack’s first pregnancy something meaningful (him carrying a friend’s child as a surrogate out of love for that friend, him carrying his own child born out of a relationship, etc.) but instead they made it into a cheap one-liner joke, and yeah it does fit into the tone of the audio, but that’s the problem: I did not like the overall tone of it.

There were some scenes with Ianto that were nice, and a couple of Owen and Tosh mentions that I enjoyed, and it’s interesting that you mention the action and adventure in your ask because I actually didn’t mind those aspects at all? The action was fine with me, it was the non-action parts mostly that bothered me (the emotional tone and sense of humour like I said).

This is probably more thoughts that you wanted but I was quite disappointed with this one (and I was so looking forward to canon mpreg), so I thought I’d take the opportunity to explain why. I do acknowledge that it was a matter of my own sense of humour and sensibilities not meshing well with the writer’s (I just checked and to my shock the writer is a woman; I would have put money on them being a cis man).

This one missed the mark with me. Badly.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Winter Rain

I'd like to thank @xerxezra for the encouragement. I really needed it, and to the Enya song in which the title and fic is based on. I'm still working on the fic to go with a fanart of mine, but until then feel free to check out my other fics which can be found on my Fanfic Masterpost or Ao3 links which are in my description under my header.

In this fic the reader deals with a change in plans.

_______________

City streets were passing by, underneath stormy skies. No, there were no neon signs but there were cargo trains rolling by on the tracks parallel to the main road. Hmm, wasn't that an Enya song? Perhaps it was.

Funny that you were thinking of new age songs when none were playing on the radio, though you wouldn't have minded if any music was on; it would've made a difference. Enya's songs in themselves reminded you of that one teacher in elementary school who wore that cherry brooch you liked and drowned herself in a bottle of perfume. Your teacher, whatever her name, was halfway pleasant, but always wore a blouse which was a size too big and thus you always saw more of her then you cared to whenever she leaned over a desk to assist another student. Another Enya song, Only Time, reminded you of that one book you tried to read around that time with the questionable cover. Of course, neither of these things had anything to do with the drive home, but it was a passing nostalgia you couldn't pass up.

Wiry, naked trees were scattered along the way; none of them of much consequence except to the fragments of your imagination, where they were dancers in a wintery, mournful ballet. For his part, Rick was unaware of these random thoughts, for you had not mentioned them, but you did wonder about something else when you took a glance at the time and found you two were getting home a little faster than usual. “Rick, do you prefer driving? Or is flying in your spaceship easier?”

“I-I think each one is great in its own way,” he answered, keeping his eyes on the road. “but th-the fastest way to travel is by using my portal gun.”

“So it is. Hmm, makes me wonder what the Flash would have to say about that.” you commented as rain pitter-pattered against the passenger side window. “I bet he'd have a few things to say if you can catch him.”

“Gee, I don't know. I'll ugh - I'll have to ask him the next time I'm in his Earth dimension.”

Sometimes you didn't know if he was being serious or simply joking, though you tended to believe him, especially since it only added to your natural wonder. Your curiosity was a quality which tickled him immensely, but whether he could withstand it while driving was not something you were about to test. Outside, straight ahead, the roads looked all the same, although, to the discerning eye, one would notice the cracks here and there, and the splattered paint on the curb closest to city hall and the fire station. And while the roads were neither empty or full, you would say they were in want of life and perhaps a good shoveling, but with whatever technology hidden in the nooks and crannies of his station wagon, you two drove on the icy roads with ease. It was cold outside, but you weren't cold; Rick made sure of that by giving you the heated seat and a quilt to drape over yourself.

You were, however slightly bored because Zeta-7 hadn't been talking all that much this evening. He had been in a mood and you thought it could've had something to do with the phone call he received while you two were at the craft shop but he didn't say. It hadn't made him any less sweet, but he seemed distant in a familiar way that you were sure you had experienced some time ago. Perhaps he was fearful, he would have reason; contemplative as always; afraid, to an almost unhealthy degree, but risking a chance to placate him, you joked. “Are you trying something new? Is it a seduction tactic, cause I'm certainly intrigued.”

“Wh-what?” he blushed, as he turned the corner to head towards your street.

“Aren't you trying the broodish thing all cool guys do in those cheap romance novels? You know, the kind they sell at the drugstore?” you giggled, turning up the heat in the car to fit your preference.

“Gosh, n-n-no. I ugh - I-I don't think I'm cool enough t-t-to do that.”

“Really? Well, I think if you wanted to you could, though I doubt you'd try it unless convinced it would work. Not sure how effective it would be on me, but this isn't about me. What's going on with you,” you questioned with a serious, but gentle candor. “you haven't said much tonight.”

“I ugh - I have a few things on my mind is all, but it's going t-to be okay. I'm sorry if I alarmed you.”

“Not too much, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Are you?”

Stopping in front of your home, he admitted with a sudden disheartenment. “I don't know. Sometimes it's - it's hard to know especially if you hear bad news but I th-think I will be. Eventually.”

One of his watches was flashing, and it made you wonder if it meant what you thought it meant. While you couldn't read the line of code which passed over its digital face, you thought you'd seen a similar line of code before. “Are you going to have to go? Is that what's bothering you? I know you promised that we'd paint together tonight, but you won't be able to will you?”

“No, I'm - I'm sorry. I had asked for the whole week off, but this - it's from my supervisor. I can't ignore it. I have to go in. I-I really wish I didn't have to.”

“Oh Rick, if you had to go, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would've understood.”

“You were having such a-a great time picking out supplies that I didn't - I couldn't bring myself to crush your excitement. Now th-that I think about it, I don't know if this was any better, but I-I asked that I'd be able to bring you home first so that I wouldn't have to worry about leaving you there without a-a word.”

Zeta-7 hated to break his promises, and you hated the feeling of a broken promise, but as he switched the car off, and you two walked towards your porch, you admitted. “I would've figured it out and got home somehow. I mean there's enough Uber drivers in this town, and one of them would've driven me home, but I'm glad that at least I had this time with you. Please be careful and visit me whenever. You know you can.”

Instead of comforting him as your easy resignation usually would, he balled his fists and hit them against the railing; hateful of his own inadequacies. You had to admit that when he got upset, it caught you off guard, but it also reminded you that he still was very much a Rick, albeit a softer one. “Th-this wasn't supposed to happen. I-I don't understand why it always comes to this. We were - I had so many things planned out for us and th-”

You hugged him from behind, interrupting what he was going to say. “There will always be next time. Calm down,” you cooed, “it's all going to be okay. It's not the end of the world and I'm not upset by it.”

“But I don't - I don't want t-to keep doing this to you. I promised.”

“I know, but it's not like you do this on purpose. You see, this is what happens when a girl like me dates a guy like you. Expect the unexpected, and maybe a few space worms every once in a while if I eat a sandwich from a gas station on a comet somewhere. These things happen.”

“I wish it - it didn't. Lately,” he confessed, his voice taking on its softer quality. “I've been thinking a-about when I'd like to retire. Maybe I finally should.”

“Whatever you want to do, I'm okay with it. As long as it makes you happy, but only if you do it without regret. You would know best of course.”

“I-I certainly hope so.”

You two stood there in silence for a moment, but you heard a beeping noise emanate from under his sleeve. “I d-don't want to say goodbye, but I'll miss you m-mi corazón.”

When he wasn't around, your home felt emptier,

though you refrained from saying so, and because you didn't want to add to his guilt you simply said. “I'll miss you too.”

“Th-there's a chance I won't see you in a few days. At least it will feel th-that way for me.”

“You can always call me, and if you can't then I'll see you when I see you. You know where I'll be.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “somewhere I-I'm not.”

“Don't say that. You're always on my mind, and I'd like to think you're always with me, in one way or another. There's no way I couldn't think of you.”

He turned around to face you, his eyes appearing twice as expressive through his glasses. Zeta-7 studied you and brushed his thumb across the back of your hand. “Siempre estás c-conmigo, and because of - of that, I'm never truly l-lonely.”

“Oh Rick, I love you.”

As easily as it was to adore him with your entire being, so it was to break his heart. Whether it had been a lack of love or an abundance of heartache in his life thus far which shook him to his bones, a replenishing of spirit was always in order. You weren't tall, you never had been, but stepping on the tips of your toes, you pressed a kiss on his cheek that never failed to floor him, and marvel as though it were from a fairy queen; one comprised of stardust and moonbeams. “This means you belong to me. Got it cutie? No one else has dibs except for me, so don't look so surprised. You're mine.”

Like a tease, the weather picked up and the strong gust which followed made you shiver, which alarmed him and prevented his reply. You were trying to tough it out because he could be gone at any moment. And must've sensed this, for against your control you shivered once more, but he pulled off his own scarf to wrap around your neck. “It's going t-t-to get colder,” he said protectively. “so please don't forget to wrap yourself up tonight. I um - I placed a-a few thick blankets in your closet just in case. Why d-don't you go inside?”

“Because I can bear it for a little bit longer. Thank you,” you smiled sweetly up at him, despite losing feeling in your cheeks. “but I doubt I'll try to leave my house for the next few days. I'll look after this for you. Hopefully, it's going to be warmer where you're going.”

“I-I can't say, it's…”

“Classified information.” you finished.

“Gosh, I-I-I guess you know th-the drill by now. Smart girl.”

“Maybe. I don't know much, but I know you, and that you can't tell me certain things because you don't want whichever information to be held against me. At least I'm learning. Either way,” you softened, buttoning the top button on his jacket. “please be careful.”

“I-I will. Can I um - can I-I give you a kiss?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

Though of course, he would ask as though your disappointment would disqualify his validity to partake of your affection. He bent down to try to kiss you goodbye, his glasses fogging up at the closeness between you two, but a portal opened right behind him and the guard Rick's on the other side pulled him through. And like that, he was gone again; without a choice; without a goodbye. Your arms which had been around his waist a moment ago, you brought down to rest at your sides, and you too clenched your fists in quick frustration but found yourself halfway exhausted by the cold temperatures and suddenness of it all.

His scarf felt warm and soft about your neck and smelled like him; of vanilla, and of whatever his house smelled like. You thought of the painting that you two would not do tonight, and how you were once again alone. That seemed to magnify it all, intensify the fact that you might've always been alone and destined to remain as such. It used to make you cry when you realized that he could be taken from you at any moment, but you had gotten used to it, or at least you thought you did. Only a few hours ago, you two were at a café, discussing painting techniques and how with a little practice you too could paint that little tree you liked that was growing in the corner of your yard; his enthusiasm was contagious, and you were pumped because you really wanted to show him you had been practicing.

If once again someone cried, then it was you because he couldn't cry where he was going; he wouldn't dare to and repress it for as long as he could help it; if only you were as strong.

Oh, winter rain, how could it relate? It knew little except its natural way; of falling upon the earth; of life; of beginnings; of letting go; of uncertainty. Yet, it wasn't the rains fault; it does not know and could not know; if only. It was cold, and you were cold, with the only part of you that was really warm being where his scarf was.

Thinking of what lied in store for him made you want him back all the more so that you could hold him, and make him feel safe. You wanted him back now because it seemed so unfair that they'd take him when he didn't want to go, but you couldn't bring him back; not even for his sake; being against your power just like the rain. For now, all you could do was only open the front door to your home and step in as the last train passed by; not knowing when the next will come.

Fin