digitalyogininja-blog

[zorndog]

gabriel ultrakill voice SEX

hello ultrakill fandom. i don't go here.

[splatoonheritageposts]

none of you noticed my icon change for the day. youre all fake fans. im deactivating

[taylorftparamore]

this isn't like. a prediction or anything i just keep thinking how wild it would be if taylor swift herself showed up at the swifties for kamala zoom

[kedreeva]

In the beginning of The Good Place, Michael doesn't know that no one has gotten into the Good Place in over 500 years. Arguably he doesn't know every single person who got into the Bad Place, or he would have figured out EVERYONE is there, but it's so funny to me when Eleanor asks who is in the Bad Place that would surprise her and without hesitation, Michael tells her "every US president except Lincoln," which implies he's either straight lying to her (in a situation where he's trying to convince her this is real, saying Lincoln is in the Bad Place might give it away? Saying he is in the good place makes it more believable? He had to pick one (1) person to exclude to make the rest believable and chose Lincoln?), or he doesn't THINK he's lying to her. The latter is infinitely funnier to me. He's either never seen Lincoln, or Lincoln isn't in the Bad Place.

And I can't tell which is funnier: that he did indeed go to the Bad Place but escaped, or that he went to the Good Place, but there's no record of it. No one knows where he is, just that he's not in their place.

That, or he never died.

[gilverrwrites]

Michael/Reader, 1.6K words Established vee dynamic: Michael/Adam & Adam/Reader, which will evolve into a triad. [1/3] Four things you explain to Michael, and one thing he explains to you. [X][2][3]

Chapter 1: Buffy, Bussin', and Kiss-Cams.

It took a while to get there but telling the differences between Adam and Michael had been easier than expected. Like now for example. If Adam was manning their body he would have slouched beside you on the couch, helped himself to your snacks, and asked you about your day. Instead, Michael stood, looming in the doorway of the living room. His stance is like a soldier at attention, head high, shoulders straight, watching you with no expression. 

“Hello, Michael.” You greeted. “How are you today?” 

“I am well.” He approaches, situating himself between you and the TV screen. “What is this?” 

“I’m good too, thank you for asking.” Social queues will likely never be his thing. “This is a TV show.” 

“I am aware.” His shoulders sag briefly, unamused by your sarcasm. Whether he understood that you were teasing is a mystery, he likely thinks that you’re an idiot who thinks he’s an idiot, which is arguably funnier. “I meant, what television show is it?” 

“Buffy.” You answer. “It’s actually really good, it’s about a teenage girl who is the chosen one-“ 

“Chosen?” He interrupts, but you let it slide. You wonder if he’s thinking of how he was once ‘chosen’, and now he’s here, metaphorically sandwiched between his partner and his partner's partner in a tiny apartment in Minnesota. He could leave at any time, commandeer their body, or escape it entirely and take off, but he doesn’t, he hasn’t. Which really speaks to how much he cares for Adam. 

“Yeah, she’s the one true slayer, kind of. So, she has to juggle killing vampires and stuff with normal high school things, like homework and boys.” 

He’s looking at the screen, not at you, but you can see his eyes narrow. You think he might be scrutinising your choice in vapid human media, but his response surprises you. 

“Yes, I recall Adam used to watch this show with his mother.” His probing glance falls back to you now. Adam is there, they’re both always there, but it still feels like you’re discussing him behind his back, so you awkwardly attempt to move on from the subject. 

“Oh, well… Would you like to sit and watch it with me?” You shuffle over, making space for him beside you and patting the pillow. 

“No.” Michael is just a blunt person? Being? Angel. So, you don’t take the sting of his rejection to heart. 

But despite his rebuttal, he makes no attempt to move. Instead, standing stock still in the middle of the room. Occasionally asking questions as the time passes. 

“Who is that?” 

“That’s Angel. Buffy’s sort of on again off again boyfriend.”

“Angel?”

“Yeah, he’s not an angel, he’s a vampire.” 

“How paradoxical.”

-

“That one reminds me of you.” 

“Who? Cordelia?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“She talks too much.” 

-

“Why does Willow simply not confront this Xander boy about her, albeit inadvisable feelings for him?”

“Teenagers are stupid.”

“Humans are stupid.” 

“Thanks.”

Four episodes later he remains unmoved, you’d tried not to speak to him unless spoken too, afraid you might scare, or more likely annoy him away, but your stomach is starting to grumble. 

“I’m gonna order takeout, do you want anything?” It’s not addressed to Michael, and he knows that. 

Their posture falters as Adam takes over. Adam also moves with confidence, but his is far more relaxed, comfortable in his own body. The couch pillows dip under his weight as he sits beside you, arm casually draping over your shoulders. He greets you with a familiar boyish grin that makes your heart flutter. “Pizza?”

Something is wrong. That much is evident by Michael’s uncharacteristically expressive face. He’d been silent when he’d returned home from the store, a chore he and Adam had taken up since their return from the cage, a familiar, easy task that helped to ease them into modern society. 

You could tell it was Michael because he’d been ignoring your presence since he returned home, quietly, and strategically putting away the shopping bar a solitary; “Hello.” 

Now he was eyeing a single can of Monster Energy Drink that sat alone on the kitchen counter. The intensity of his stare had you worried it might explode. You certainly would not be cleaning that up. 

“Something on your mind?” You ask, keeping your tone calm, and pleasant. Not letting on to your amusement at his one-sided staring contest. 

He spares you a scornful glance, before looking back at the can. Then he seems to have a light bulb moment, body perking up as he turns to you once more. He might actually think you’re useful for something other than Adams's enjoyment. 

“Yes. What is ‘bussing’?” The word sounds so comical coming from his lips, and you suppress a laugh, not wanting to patronise him or dampen his curiosity. 

“Bussin’?” You repeat, ensuring you heard him right. 

“Yes. ‘Bussing’. We heard a boy at the store use the word to refer to this. Adam nor I have heard the term used in this context before.”

Adam had filled Michael in on a lot of modern and pop culture things, but having been locked in a cage for the last decade meant that he was a little behind the times. You made a mental note to ask him later if not understanding the latest slang terms made him feel old. 

“It just means something is really good.” You explain, and his face drops.

He picks up the can, swaying it back and forth as he examines the label. It hisses as he eventually cracks it open, and his face scrunches when he gives it a sniff. 

Adam only eats and drinks to maintain a feeling of normalcy, Michael’s grace dissolving any actual need for human bodily functions. Michael never eats or drinks, so the prospect of his first taste of human food being a sip of Monster excites you greatly. What a terrible introduction. 

He must sense your anticipation because he turns, body shifting completely to face you. His face remains stoic, excluding his eyes which watch you hopefully as he extends the drink to you. “Would you like a taste?” 

“Uh, sure.” You take the can from him and allow yourself a mouthful before handing it back to him. It’s sugary, and sour, and abhorrently fizzy, just as you’d expected, but you try not to let your face give anything away. “It’s fine. Your turn.” 

“Fine.” He repeats under his breath, hesitating as he brings it to his lips. He takes a quick sip before slamming the can forcibly back onto the table, gritting his teeth, clearly repulsed by whatever is going on in his mouth right now. “That is not bussing.” 

Michael hadn’t exactly taken to human pastimes like a fish in water, preferring to take a back seat and let Adam enjoy himself. He had, however, found a great appreciation for war films, books about astronomy, and sports. Particularly, sports that had a strategy aspect to them. Which is how you’d found yourself in the bleachers of an ice hockey match beside him. 

Adam liked sports too, but not to the same degree. Michael sat, hunched over, weight on his knees as he watched the players glide across the ice, batting the puck this way and that. The match was tense, and the atmosphere lively, so you didn’t really mind his silence. You knew he wasn’t ignoring you, just focusing on the game. Even the quarterly breaks were filled with music, the big screen displaying funny accidents and lookalikes, which kept you entertained. 

All in all, you were having a good time, and when the kiss-cam popped up, you watched, amused as the camera crew zoomed in on different couples. You watched an array of different kisses, some cute, some awkward, some a little R-rated. It was all fun and games until you recognised yourself on the screen. 

Panic rushed through your body as you turned to look at Michael. You’d come around to the fact that Michael was always there. Always. Even for the intimate moments. But there was a massive difference between Michael being there during a kiss, and kissing Michael. 

You’re not sure if your sudden nervousness or the cheering crowd watching him from every angle clued him in, but Micheal takes notice, looking up at his own face on the display and asking; “Why are we on the screen?” 

“It’s a kiss-cam. They want us to kiss.” You hope that filling him in will bring Adam front and centre, but to no avail. Adam doesn’t want to play right now it seems. Probably revenge for implying he was old. “I’ll wave them away.” 

“Don’t.” He instructs, and before you can process what’s happening his lips are on yours. 

He tastes like Adam, like sugary cereal and cheap cola. He feels like Adam, clean-shaven and soft lips. But he does not kiss you like Adam. 

Adam kisses you like he might never see you again. Like it’s been a thousand years since he’s last laid his lips on you and he wants to commit every micro-movement of your body, every inch of your mouth to memory. His kisses are intense and passionate.

Micheal is the opposite, surprisingly. This might be the gentlest he’s ever been, he presses his lips to your delicately, like he might break you if he uses too much pressure. A hand cups the side of your face with the tenderness one would show a wounded animal. He kisses you like you’re made of glass and must be cherished. 

When he pulls away you feel completely flushed and unsure how to proceed. The kiss-cam is gone, and the screen counts down the seconds until the game continues. Micheal, in preparation, has resumed his watching position, leaving you to stew in your own emotions, likely oblivious to the many, many thoughts flooding your mind. 

Please remember: Being sensitive is not a weakness.

[grayrazor]

the trench crusade thing is even funnier when one of the major and arguably most sympathetic factions is the Islamic Iron Sultanate

It seems like they're setting up that most human religions are are aligned with the "heaven" faction and opposed to the "hell" faction, not even just Abrahamic ones. Like, I heard that if they ever expand out of Europe they're going to have the Aztecs allied with the Church and Caliphate against the demons. Which isn't that surprising, considering that in that grimdark universe the Church has people eating the literal flesh of mass-cloned Nazarenes...

[youssefguedira]

luca marinelli character FIGHT: FINAL ROUND

it's been a fun ride. our final round is exactly what i expected it to be when this whole thing began, but truly where else could it have ended. it is, of course:

the RULES of this hypothetical fight are as follows:

weapons are BANNED.

re: nicky's immortality, within the constrains of the fight if primo managed to kill him then the fight would end and primo would win, even if nicky got better. essentially i want the immortality factor to have as little effect as possible (but he retains the 900 years of experience

outside help is not allowed. this is a one on one luca character only cage match.

take the above as guidelines only if you have a funnier hypothetical scenario but to keep this fair please vote based on who would win the fight. i think this is more evenly matched than one may think instinctually

ARGUMENTS can be found below the cut

i'll be honest these are difficult to divide into pro nicky vs pro primo arguments so here they are anyway and you can decide

"Nicky arguably wouldn't kill you unless you're a threat/have done something seriously bad, while Primo would probably kill you for cutting him off in traffic. He's killed people out of sheer annoyance and spite which is a thousand times more dangerous." - @goldheartedsky

"Nicky would not have needed two shots to stop Bertollini's car. Just saying." - @astrabear

"Primo junkies tend to dwell most on his physicality and malice (for good damn reason). But his cunning is what ultimately makes for winning ways. And yet, …how could he outmaneuver Nicky’s near millennia of sheer experience. That priestly powerhouse has seen it all. And yet, …Primo’s drive seems able to overrun every possible obstacle. Can he win on that white hot will? Or will another left hook like bicycles or phone phobias scupper his schemes? The only possible way to win this all is if he could manage to sway another Old Guardian to betrayal. To get the jump on Nicky (not that kind of jumping on) the surprise must come from within. No way Primo has that level of science or magic or whatever to sway one now. Nicky takes it and doesn't feel the least bit sad about it." - anon (really appreciate the level of thought put into this submission)

primo may strike first but nicky would retaliate and that would be the end of it

primo may have killed a lot of people but nicky has killed significantly more over the course of like 1000 years

and MY argument: i think primo could do it. i think primo could react with enough sheer speed and surprise factor that nicky would be caught off guard. but then again. this is nicolo di genova we're talking about here. ultimately i think they're fairly well matched under the above constraints. so.

[queenjunothegreat]

Told you guys I was gonna start posting the random stuff I won't finish and I wasn't lying ( ꒪꒳​꒪ )

Finally, Leo gave in. “What's up with you, Beauty Queen?”

She blinked at him, like she was startled that he addressed her. “Oh! I just thought you told me you were going to dump Jason. I'm a little surprised to see you haven't.”

Leo chuckled nervously. Jason ignored them and just shoved his face deeper in his book like the slimy little coward of a traitor that he was. “Uh, I dunno what you're talking about.”

“Hmm… I suppose it could have been a dream, then,” Piper mused, then she gave Jason a sympathetic look. “You'd better watch out, Jason. I had dreams about Leo dumping all of his previous relationships only days before it happened.”

Without glancing up from his book, Jason said, “Piper, please. We both know Leo doesn't have enough game to bag anyone but me.”

Piper wheezed in laughter and Leo turned on Jason with a furiously betrayed expression and vermilion cheeks. “Dude! What the fuck!”

Jason closed his book and blinked owlishly at him. “I thought you wanted me to try being funnier.”

“That doesn't mean you should clown on me!”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Jason said earnestly. “I'm just not all that practiced, so I figured I should start with an easy target.”

“Stop, stop, he’s already dead!” Piper howled.

Leo sneered at her. “Yeah, yeah. Just remember that I had enough game to steal your boyfriend.”

“Bestie, you stole a closeted lesbian’s man,” Piper reminded him. “Our whole relationship he was basically wearing a sign around his neck that said ‘Free to a good home.’” She gave Jason an apologetic wince. “No offense.”

“Not sure how I'm supposed to not be at least a little offended by that, but I'll give it my best shot.”

“We are ignoring the real issue here!” Leo interrupted. “Piper! Since when did you know!?”

“Since forever, dummy,” Piper scoffed. “I can't believe you two really thought you could keep this a secret from me. I'm an Aphrodite kid. I can literally smell it on you two like cheap perfume. And, Leo, really? Like really, really? You thought you could hide this from me? You couldn’t even keep your favorite yogurt flavor a secret from me.”

“It's peach, right?” Jason asked, looking at Leo.

Leo laid a sympathetic hand on his knee. “Sorry, bud, but it's actually strawberry banana.”

“He's lying; it's blueberry.”

Jason looked stricken and stared down at his hands. “I don't know what to believe anymore.”

“And you!” Piper pointed her finger at Jason, and he suddenly found the ceiling very interesting. “Next time you need advice for how to hide hickies, maybe don't ask the Aphrodite cabin when you're trying to hide your relationship from an Aphrodite kid!”

Leo frowned at him in disappointment. “You went to the Aphrodite cabin? Really?”

“Who was I supposed to ask?” Jason demanded defensively. “I don't have a cabin full of siblings to help me out. The closest I have are Nico and Percy! Nico's boyfriend can basically kiss bruises away, and Percy literally laughed me out of the Poseidon cabin. I tried to IM Thalia, but she just looked like she was going to be sick when I asked and hung up on me. I tried to call her back, but Iris told me she'd paid thirty drachmas to block me for the rest of the week.”

“Still though! You could have asked anyone else!”

“Maybe I wouldn't have had to ask for help if you actually kept it below the collar like you were supposed to.”

“Oh, so it's my fault now? Big talk coming from the guy who used my shoulders as a chew toy.”

“Oh, dog jokes. Real original, Valdez.”

“It's not a dog joke, it's just an accurate metaphor because you're literally an animal.”

“Honestly, I'm surprised that you didn't already know how to handle them, Jason,” Piper chimed in. “I figured you would have plenty of experience.”

Jason stared at her like she'd grown a second and possibly third head. “Why would you think that? I arguably have less game than Leo. I'm just tall.”

“I think you have game, babe,” Leo said, patting him on the knee. Then his face screwed up. “Wait a minute. No I don't! Fuck you!”

“Anyway. In case you forgot, my one and only girlfriend turned out to be a lesbian who only dated me because my crazy stepmom brainwashed us,” Jason insisted. “The fact that I haven't fumbled Leo is a miracle beyond words.”

“You're trying real hard to fumble right now,” Leo scowled. “Don't even know why I'm dating you, to be honest.”

”Because I'm mildly obsessed with you and you like the ego boost. And I also hold heavy stuff for you.”

“Plus you actually like his mother henning,” Piper added. She shuddered. “God, when we were dating it was like having a second dad. He just hovers all the time. I can't tell you how many times he asked me if I ate dinner while we were on the quest. Like, we were on the ship together. You know if I ate dinner, my guy.”

Jason pouted and crossed his arms. “Fine. See if I offer you any granola bars any time soon.”

“I think it's kinda sweet,” Leo said with a somewhat sheepish grin.

“That's because you—” Piper leaned over and poked him between the eyes, “are incapable of taking care of yourself, so you need someone to do it for you. Where everyone else sees smothering, you see the only feasible way for you to actually eat more than twice a week and get a full night's sleep.”

“Speaking of, it should be dinner soon,” Jason said, checking his watch.

“Babe, this is not how you beat the suburban dad allegations,” Leo clucked. “What kind of teenager wears a wristwatch?”

“Percy literally wears one everyday?”

“His turns into a magic shield that his brother made for him. Plus, he can't read it and even if he could, the time is always wrong.”

“What am I supposed to do then? What do you two do?”

“We just never know the time,” Piper said, rolling her eyes. “Like cool kids. Cool kids never know the time.”

Jason gave them both a very tired look. “I'm asking Percy to drown me and I'm telling Nico to make sure you two never see me in Elysium.”

“Pft, as if,” Leo scoffed. “We're your favorite people. Ever.”

Jason didn't say anything, he just pressed his lips together and furrowed his brow. “Awww!” Piper cooed, pinching his cheek. “We are! Look at that face!”

Jason puffed up his slightly pink cheeks and batted her hand away, getting to his feet. “I'm sitting with the Athena kids at dinner.”

“Yeah? Well, I'm sitting with the Demeter kids!” Leo announced.

“The Demeter kids won't let you anywhere near them after you accidentally set their roof on fire last week,” Piper reminded him.

“Just kidding; I'm sitting with the Hermes kids!”

“Okay, then I'm sitting with the Hephaestus cabin. I'm gonna get Nyssa to tell me any other secrets you're trying to keep from me.”

“Hey, that's not fair!”

“You two aren't allowed to just sit with other cabins,” Jason sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “You have siblings, remember?”

“Boo!” they said in unison.

Jason laughed. “Seriously, come on, you two. We do actually need to eat.”

“Coming, dad,” Leo crooned.

Piper arched her brows. “Kinky.” Leo gagged at her.

Jason ignored them both and left for the Pavilion, Piper and Leo bouncing along in his wake.

[dysfunctional-doodle]

now i WOULD go rest after the whole ypi business HOWEVER. is there any way to convince you to watch it because OH MY GODDDDDDDD THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SERIES EVER!!!!!!!!!!! it’s certainly not the best written tmnt series out there (ESPECIALLY with the romance…. shudders)

HOWEVERRRRRRR there are a lot of awesome things about it i really like….. i think one thing i like the most about this iteration (besides the very obvious obsession about sunset duo) is THE VOICEACTING. in a tmnt voiceacting teirlist i would put almost every rise character in s tier and yet STILL, despite the fact i put donnie in b, 2012 IS MY FAVOURITE VOICE ACTED SERIES. the original ask includes the giant navy battleship line and. yeah. sean astin’s delivery makes it a kajillion times funnier to me. IDK MAN THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT SPLINTER’S VOICE THAT IS SO SATISFYING TO ME. AND THE WAY SHINIGAMI LAUGHS???????????????? HRGHHHHH

also a big fan of the dynamics between the turtles…… the absolute brothers of all time. sobs (again it’s very obvious which duo is my favourite hfhdbsjbsdj)

also this might be a slightlyyyy controversial take but mikey’s adhd is written really really REALLY well in my opinion. like ok donnie said he hasn’t matured since age six and infantilisation is a big problem with neurodivergent people HOWEVER. a big part of mikey’s character is that he doesn’t like being underestimated and wants to prove he is capable but also. as a person with adhd. YEAH I TOO FEEL LIKE THE PERSON IN MY BRAIN IS A SMALL CHILD. the reason i peaked in primary school is because, back then, i was only slightly less mature than my peers. now as i’m in secondary school i realise i am like a TWO YEAR OLD compared to these people. when i was in s1 i would call myself the twelve year old toddler because that was essentially how mature i felt i was. SO THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. maybe there are times he feels slightly stereotypical but hey, everyone has their stereotype moments, right??? (as cliche as it is i feel like everyone has had a “hey, look, squirrel!” moment in their life). yeah i just relate to 2012 mikey on a spiritual level. like every time he’s on screen he does something and i think WOW. that is LITERALLY me (which is why i’m surprised that one poll i have more people think i’m like sonic than mikey?? but i’m not complaining, sonic is super cool)

the 3d animation is cool (the increase in skill is very obvious as you progress further through the series) and the fight scenes are just. MWAH. SO satisfying.

also SOME of the romance is pretty ok! raph and mona lisa are great. also arguably raph and casey (but we’re not ready for that conversation i think).

i have a full disc set of all five seasons that included a list of all the episodes and whenever i finished an episode i REALLYYYY REALLY enjoyed i would highlight the name in pink sharpie… here are all the episodes i marked :3 (i might need to rewatch some of these)

the pulveriser

cockroach terminator

parasitica

the good, the bad, and casey jones

plan 10

a foot too big (i’m actually not too sure about this one right now, might need to rewatch it)

journey to the center of mikey’s mind

revenge of the triceratons (this one is only half highlighted for some reason)

bat in the belfry

tokka vs the world

requiem (sobs. sobs so so hard.)

end times

when worlds collide: part 2 (i think this one is where the giant navy battleship line comes from)

it’s ok if you don’t want to watch it or you’re not able to watch it but if you can and you don’t end up liking it THAT’S OK I TOTALLY GET IT THERE ARE A LOT OF PARTS THAT SUCK

erm anyways that was my strange ramble. sorry for invading your ask box 👍🏼

(oh yeah, the comics are pretty cool too)

(guess who michalina’s favourite character + duo is challenge (impossible))

Ok I will say oddly enough I’ve read the comics for 2012. Weird, but I pirated found them and enjoyed reading them, they were fun.

I have watched a few episodes - I did like the speed demon episode (I love the dynamic of 2012 donnie and Casey mirroring the 90s movies even down the name insulting scene where they are going through the alphabet) and I like parasitica a lot. I have watched others like journey to centre of Mikey’s mind, Buried Secrets, and the usagi episodes, and also the final episodes of the Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (? I cannot remember the name, but the one with the insect guy as the villain who’s name I can’t spell and can’t be bothered to Google lol), that one where Donnie becomes dumb, the vampire ones, but that’s it.

What puts me off is the romance and the (in my opinion) partial butchered character Donnie has due to it. He’s genuinely creepy and it makes watching it uncomfortable and wildly out of character compared to what I’m used to. I’ve never been a fan of romance, and I expect ally despise the whole “main character has a crush on someone else but is so nerdy they don’t know how to approach them” trope. The whole love triangle and the poorly written “love at first sight” which most the romances in the show are just put me off completely. I genuinely have tried other episodes but I cringe every time the Donnie/April romance happens. It’s a shame because when they let Donnie move on from April or not be simping after her I really like his slightly sarcastic, blunt yet sensitive nature.

I’ve heard they kind of throw away the romance at season 3 but it’s having to watch this until then tbh. Maybe one day I will give it a go if people really say it’s worth the suffering of my least favourite trope. You seem to like it a lot so maybe :)

[fermented-writers-block]

With Quentin Trembley III’s proof that peanut brittle has life sustaining properties, as well as the sap that kept dinosaurs in suspended animation for millions of years, it really has me split on what would be funnier/more interesting for deeper worldbuilding purposes:

That the species of trees in ancient Mesozoic Era Gravity Falls had the unique odd property of producing sap that could effectively suspend life infinitely and hardly degrade over millions of years within a cool cave environment. Especially compared to regular tree sap, which doesn’t have such peculiarities. As such, Quentin Trembley in his silly genius created and used a peanut brittle recipe that just so managed to replicate the same effects but with “peanut brittle.”

(Personally, I’m not sure what he actually encased himself in, but it’s definitely not normal peanut brittle, which is opaque and contains the titular peanuts compared to his block of transparent nut-less “peanut brittle”)

Alternatively, there is the simpler yet arguably weirder other option:

That regular peanut brittle does have such properties in the world of Gravity Falls, and those ancient trees had the weird oddity of naturally producing peanut brittle in the form of sap. With the weirdness of Gravity Falls, it would not be surprising if there have been plants, fauna, and or environmental events throughout the valley’s history like extinct animals that pooped pizza slices, acorn trees that naturally grow and grow from brown colored size M8-1.25 acorn cap Hex nuts, or deposits of water bottle stalagmites and stalactites in some cave somewhere.

Either way you put it though, it sure makes me wonder whether the stereotypical movie dinosaur biology inaccuracies hold true for all dinosaurs in-universe, or if these were the weird featherless dinosaurs that were attracted to Gravity Falls…

[kylewalker-peters]

arguably that west ham announcement would only have been funnier if they'd lost that final and then immediately announced deccy was leaving as a real double gut punch as opposed to this surprise roundhouse kick to the face while they're all celebrating

[watching-pictures-move]

Put On Your Raincoats | Wet Wilderness (Cooper, 1975)

What's scarier? A murderous maniac in the middle of the woods, or your annoying coworker on Casual Friday? By dressing its villain in a ski mask, a polo and five-pocket pants, this movie poses the question, what if they were the same person?!? As you can probably guess by now, despite running through such transgressions as rape, incest, racism and murder, this isn't a terribly frightening affair. Some of that is, as I alluded, due to the appearance of the villain. Some of this is due to the slapdash filmmaking involved. When the villain finally kills one of his victims, he rubs his prop machete on her with all the firmness of putting out a cigarette. Later, another murder victim is seen clearly breathing. And a frantic chase scene appears to have been shot against a black backdrop with leaves being patted on the actors' faces in lieu of any actual running. (It goes without saying that the camera setups are crude and lack variety.)

And some of this, and this is where my garbage viewing habits become painfully evident, is the lack of forcefulness in executing this scenario. This is ostensibly a roughie, and you could argue that the machete the villain threateningly wields is enough to scare the other characters into submission. But when tablecloths are laid out on the ground before any of the sex scenes, it greatly undermines the supposed surprise of any of the proceedings. And when a character leisurely jogs away in plain sight to escape from the killer, it greatly undermines any sense of danger he might possess, especially when she does it multiple times.

If there's something provocative about the movie, it's in furthering the roughie's sense of audience complicity. The average roughie is designed to get the viewer off on sexual assault, inviting us to identify not with the victims, but with the perpetrators, with evil instead of good. This arguably goes a step further, in that the villain doesn't just rape his victims himself, he forces them to have sex with each other under the threat of death, ordering them through scenarios coloured by incest (most of his victims are family members) and later racism (he forces one of them to have sex with another victim, a black man, while making demeaning remarks about the man's race), blurring the lines between the viewer, star and director. It might seem silly given all that transpires, but admit I was a little bothered when he dropped a racial slur, as it dispelled a little the overall goofiness of the affair. Geez, I wish these murdering rapists weren't so racist.

The proceedings lack any of the charge a better executed roughie might have, the movie's incompetence, Southern accent of the villain and relaxed energy of the sex scenes greatly diffusing some of its more noxious qualities. Although the rape scenes not being mean spirited enough probably makes this an easier, or at least funnier, watch than most roughies, and I thought the daughter playing the actress was pretty cute, so the movie is not without its charms. I will say, if you wanted to take this to the movie mechanics and "fix" this, there's just one thing you have to do. You don't need better acting or better production values, although those would help. All you gotta do is add at least one more maniac. (And maybe send them to diversity training. Okay, that's two things. Geez, I wish these murdering rapists weren't so racist.) When you have all these scenes where one maniac is barking orders at the family to bump uglies and what have you, it's hard for him to keep an eye on more than one at a time and make sure nobody tries to get away. But when you add another maniac, it's like having a spotter at the gym. He or she has your back. And who knows, if you add a few more, the maniacs could tag-team their victims, maybe even go for one great big gang bang. With multiple maniacs, the possibilities are endless.

[postguiltypleasures]

My Peak TV Journey *The Other Two*

While it was on, few shows were as deliriously funny as The Other Two. It was a slow burn of a showbiz satire mixed with family sitcom. I miss it already. But I have to acknowledge that right before the final episode The Hollywood Reporter broke a story on complaints to HR about series creators Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider. HR investigated and dismissed the claims. Most likely this just means they did not reach their extremely high standard of what would make it a hostile work environment. It doesn’t mean the events did not happen. I’ve seen some posts since then about how this is a sign that Kelly and Schneider are the real life Carey and Brooke Dubek. There is some truth to this. I don’t know how to process how it affects my feelings about the show. And the news brought out a lot of feelings. 

While watching the first two seasons, I noticed that the seasons started out more sad than funny then became zanier and funnier in a way that is really grounded in that sad base. The final season went in the opposite direction, starting in screwball, manic comedy and then slowly getting into the dark, sad base. It was pretty dark. The season showed worst of Carey and Brooke, and it was necessary. I loved it, it hurt. 

Brooke’s plot about wanting to switch careers to something that would “do good” was painfully relatable. It was particularly sharp about how people get lazy in their responsibilities when they have the assurance that the project they are working on will “do good.” Of course this was spurred on by Brooke’s combined jealousy of her fiancé, Lance and feeling unworthy of him. And while watching her do a variety of awful things to prove either that she really is good, and/or that he’s not as good as he seems, I often thought that she didn’t deserve him. I admire how much her portrayer, Heléne York, was willing to go for something that ugly. In the end, I cheered their reconciliation because I love their dynamic at their best, not that I think they’re good together. And while they were broken up she dated a couples of billionaires and it was a great encapsulation of why hating billionaires is so fun and necessary now. 

In the first two seasons Cary spent so much energy on his career and sexual frustrations, but this season proved that finally getting some success isn’t going to make him better. This was embodied by his new boyfriend Lucas Lamber Moy, an actor who was always in character and for that reason was frequently unable to have sex. Lucas’s roles in everything from a Love, Simon spin-off, to a Hallmark Christmas movie and an incomprehensible and interminable Broadway play that is apparently about AIDS. Lucas alternately frustrated and excited Carey. It leads to revelation about even professional success isn’t going fix what broke in Carey. He over invests in Lucas, a person he can’t really know, while destroying his relationship with his best friend Curtis Paltrow. (I was surprised that there was so much Curtis in this season as his actor, Brandon Scott Jones, is one of the regulars on CBS’s Ghosts. I assumed he’d be available less because of that commitment. As a side note, I did enjoy when Carey’s actor, Drew Tarver, guest stared on Ghosts as a local cult leader.) In the mean time his plot gets the best satire of the show business. His advancing career includes his voice role as Globby, the “gay icon” in a Disney franchise and his reoccurring role in a CBS procedural, Emily Overruled. The latter plot, while funny, made the later allegations against the creators unsurprising to me. It set up something of a false dichotomy, where you can either have a stable, 9-5 set, making a show now one really watched, or making something exciting, that people will really care about, but must make allowances for people behaving in more erratic fashions. Arguably, the end of Lucas’s story tempers this thesis, but not enough. It was a wild ride that at some point involved a chorus of gay men in diapers driving maniacally to get to high school reunions while singing a variation of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home”. I laughed a lot. 

Brooke and Carey reaching their lows was also rough on their mother Pat, who was experiencing isolation on multiple fronts. It was poignant and often absurd. Pat’s portrayers Molly Shannon a treasure. Pat may not actually be as good a mother as she wants to be seen as. She put Chase in an exploitative situation. She’s bad with boundaries. But her surreal experience of fame, and inability to return to her previous life was a great journey. I’m kind of sad she and Streeter didn’t end up together. I find Ken Marino weirdly endearing, and they were cute together. But she did need better boundaries between her work and personal lives. 

The youngest Dubek, Chase, aka ChaseDreams played by Case Walker without any guile, was not in much of the final season. But he was always a peripheral character for a story his viral success kicked off. The first season included some great ridiculous songs and ended with the revelation that he could not really sing. Since then much of his plot has been about his management (including his sister Brooke) gets him non singing jobs while avoiding telling him why he couldn’t sing. There was some humor in this, but as a lover of comedy songs, I wish there were more ChaseDreams songs. (I’d even take more in universe songs not by ChaseDreams like the “Jesus Fucking Slays�� one from season two.) Chase has generally been less of a character than a vehicle for jokes about talent management and Hollywood’s current direction. (Or really, their pre-strike direction.) Over the course of the season Chase became more aware of the reality of his situation, but he never really rebelled against it. How could he? All his possible rebellions have been pre-scripted by management.

As ChaseDreams main director, Shuli, played by Wanda Sykes, often did bad, but she always had a point and did it competently. She considered Chase’s music so bad that she created Q. QAnon is awful in the real world, but the idea that QAnon started to distract from a bad album is hilarious. But Shuli’s bigger impact is as Brooke’s reluctant mentor, showing her the ropes and not having time for her bull. She didn’t have much of an arc, but she was always fun to watch.

While wrapping up I just need to say that this show was beautifully shot and staged. In scenes like Carey and Lucas’s first date at an indoor pool and Chase falling in love at first sight in a way that parodied the Baz Lerhman film William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet, part of me was just bowled over by how good looking it was. The series ended in a way that was appropriate for its characters, and I wouldn’t want what I heard of the behind the scenes situation to continue, but I’m going to miss it. 

[catholicism-connoiseur]

The Plan

The aforementioned confessional experience as a whole left me none the wiser in many ways to the practice. I had not the knowledge to determine whether penance was a set prescription or more up to the discretion and temperament of the individual priest. The unexpected neglect of the symbolic booth was a piece that stuck with me more than anything though, and one I brought later that week to a gathering of some friends.

The news was a surprise to them too (as was the fact that I, of all people, was the one to deliver such a report). What followed this revelation though, was an encouragement to dig deeper. Together, over a not-zero amount of alcohol, the night was spent brainstorming a scheme of ridiculous intent: To review the confessional practices and ambient conditions of the major local churches. A sin would be fabricated and used as a litmus test of sorts for each church that offered absolution, and each church would be informally "rated" on subjective measures of a brief table of criteria:

Aesthetics

Accessibility

Temperature

Comfortability

Acoustics

If offering confession, the use of a booth, the penance given and the hospitality of the priest would be noted

Additional, miscellaneous notes would also be taken as relevant

After some brief internal consideration on the moral implications of such an endeavour, I concluded that since none but a small group were likely to encounter it and it did no external harm beyond some arguable blasphemy, the project had fine enough standing. The collective had determined, after some deliberation, that the control variable "sin" should be something small, reasonable and easily forgivable: the theft of an umbrella from a corporate clothing store. (Other given suggestions included adultery, homosexuality and drunkenness: admittedly funnier options but for accurate results from the penance, it would need to be a sin of feasible sincerity.)

And so without further ado, dear, patient and hopefully forgiving readers, a project which has provoked cries of "Shit, you NEED to get a job" from near-everyone that's heard about it:

I present the first and likely only review of the Drogheda-area churches, and their respective confessionals. May god have mercy on my soul and so on, let's hope the bossman up there has a sense of humour.

[a-tale-of-legends]

^ Ingo ^ Emmet

This took me forever to figure out lmao. As in like. Individual teams. Cause it's very clear they share pokemon, but who belongs to who was hard figuring out. I also wanted to give them full teams of six but I couldn't make it work.

I think this isn't too surprising of a fan made team for them? In fact I think it's arguably very obvious lol. The only thing I haven't seen much fanart of is emmet with Durant, though that could just be me. The reason why they both have klingklangs is bc I just think it's cute. Probably their first pokemon lol.

Crustle exists but god it was hard putting it in their teams so I just. Didn't.

I like how Ingo is a more diverse in his team building while Emmet is just like " bugs, electric, and funny birb". It's funnier given how I see Emmet as a bit more strategic of the two. Though I guess that doesn't disprove his strategic mind. He uses the type he likes, and is able to create strategies for different situations. And I think that's neat.

[ihaveatheoryonthat]

Power Trick

Based pretty directly* off of the Subnauts AU by @venusianpeach

*If I continue in any notable way, however, it will diverge a fair amount.

---

| Baton Pass |

Hollis had made a number of mistakes over the past few weeks, but, arguably, the first of them was sending the agents Motif off on a wild goose chase.

It wouldn’t do any harm; on the job, they were as efficient as could be, and whatever mess they might get themselves into, they could reasonably extract themselves from. So long as they were offsite, there was no way they could worsen the headache that was the Psychonauts’ financial situation, in the exact same way they wouldn’t help her by hovering.

If Emmet had reminded her about one more meeting, she’d been planning to tangle him in web of thought so convoluted that even Ingo’s patience would’ve run out before he was free. Really, in sending them a continent over, she was doing everyone a favor.

Or so she’d thought.

She’d enjoyed exactly thirty hours of peace before the news of Truman’s kidnapping broke.

It would have been incredibly convenient to have them onsite and let them deal with Razputin.

It would have saved everyone some trouble if the heads of transportation had been available to perform their foremost duties.

And it would have made all the difference in the world to have a hydrokinetic on their side when faced with The Deluge of Grulovia.

But Hollis had played a bad hand, and--

Ahem.

Hollis’s plan hadn’t accounted for all of the variables, no matter how unlikely they were to factor in; fortunately, nobody had been seriously hurt and the water damage had mostly been confined to Green Needle Gulch. Whatever else cropped up in the aftermath, she’d been blissfully unaware of it for the past two weeks.

But all vacations had to come to an end sometime, and, now that she’d had a chance to decompress, Hollis was ready to tackle the responsibilities of the Second Head. There was plenty to focus on, already lined up on her desk when she returned to her office, but her attention was drawn to the neatly-stacked mission report and the unrelated forms lined up beneath it.

She picked the first up and skimmed it over; it was labeled with both Motifs’ names, as was standard for them, but the slant of the writing suggested Ingo had been the one to pen it this time.

The subject has been secured. The report promised, followed shortly by, Though perhaps the esteemed Second Head might tell certain agents to allow her breathing room next time, instead of finding busywork to keep them occupied.

Hollis wasn’t surprised on either front. If those men were on a mission, then by god they were going to see it through, whether or not it was actually feasible. She was grateful Ingo had humored her, at least, and not called her on her crap where Emmet could hear.

If the past couple of weeks had taught her anything, it was that she’d really needed the break. It was nice to know that someone else had seen it.

Her eyes flickered down to the second set of papers. They were, in fact, a color-coded series of forms from the transportation department, some fields filled in an opposite slant, others left very pointedly blank. As she flipped through them, she found backdated requisition forms, incident reports and repair requests, each ramping up in passive-aggression until she reached the last one, which had been helpfully filled out in her name, pertaining to the jet’s use. She could actually feel the echo of annoyance radiating off of it.

Despite herself, she felt a smirk tugging at her lips.

Not as much fun when other agents didn’t stay in their lane, was it Motif?

She set both sets of papers aside-- the first to be tastefully redacted and then filed, the second to be completed. Both were slightly more familiar in tone than she’d tolerate from most, but she was in a good mood, and they were funnier than they were insolent; besides, they confirmed that the pair was back on base, which she was willing to consider a positive thing, today.

Hollis Forsythe did not have favorites among her agents, but the twins were certainly up there.

The tug at her lips faded as she laid eyes on the foremost pile of papers. On top-- meaning most recently submitted-- she saw Razputin’s name, and took an anticipatory breath as something very important occurred to her.

Two of her problems had-- how would they put it? ‘Returned to station’?

And she had one newly-arrived problem without a destination.

Surely a couple of conductors could help with that.