#but it's still pretty tough to do... anyway. love you all <3 miss you dearly MWAH

[mae-gi-writes]

01. the note under your desk | minho (xo kitty)

”it all started with a note under her desk.”

genre: mentions of suicide, professional swimmer athlete! Minho x marine biology student! Reader (Nina Shim)

Thanks for reading &lt;3 @myahwritesss @sparkysparking101 @suzzie63 @upsidedownjill @lovely-hao @lupinette @seoli-16 @rory-cakes

——— masterlist | 01. DEAR K. | NEXT ———

Everything sucks.

From the university, to the students that inhabit its walls, to the dining hall food that has nothing but salt to make up for its lack of taste, to the annoying jocks that keep partying every night, to the girls who can’t stop gossiping about who got laid first—

Yes. Nina Shim is convinced that everything sucks indeed.

Opening her door to her shared apartment dormitory, she catches sight of the stale pan that has been sitting over the stove for over two weeks, despite her reminder to her roommate this morning that this should be gone by the time she gets back. Nina sighs, pushing off her boots in one swift, clumsy motion before staggering over to the small kitchen island that makes up most of the kitchen space, grocery bags in hand her backpack still slung over her one shoulder.

October is almost over in Toronto and people have been hyping up the idea of Halloween since last week. As Nina puts away her stuff in the fridge, she takes note of the scattered pumpkin-coloured paper streamed across the couch, the paper-mache ghosts in a stack on the coffee table. Her roommate, as depressed as she states she is, is gearing up quite nicely for Halloween. Too bad she can’t be as excited to clean up her own flat space. Nina has been granted all of that in her stead.

And it isn’t that Nina wants to complain. She’s not one to, has a pretty high tolerance level if she says so herself. But the thing is, it’s starting to get on her nerves. She might not be as outgoing, as carefree, as Hanni is, but that doesn’t mean that she needs to clean up after the latter like a mother would do for her children.

She has a life, even if that extends to merely hanging out in the University Aquarium lab and checking in on the goldfish every now and then.

Her phone rings in the silent stillness of her flat. Nina quickly fishes it out from her back pocket, pressing the green call button before placing it at her ear, “hello?”

“Nina!” Her mother’s voice is so warm on the other end of the line. So warm that it makes Nina’s eyes sting with tears, “how are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” she forces the words, glad that her mother can’t see her face, for she would’ve read right through her like an open book. Instead, she puts away the remaining biscuits in the cupboard above her head, “and you? How’s dad? He’s feeling better?”

“Oh you know how he is, always so stubborn,” her mother sighs, “he doesn’t want to take his medicine! And then when he falls even sicker he complains like a baby! Aiya, sometimes I wish he would just stop making my life so difficult—“

On and on she goes and that causes Nina’s mouth to twitch upwards into a smile. She misses her mother dearly, more than she will ever admit, and hearing everything that’s been happening back home makes her feel a little better about being far away despite it all.

“—but Nina, tell me, how has your roommate been? Still as dirty as always?” Her mother’s question brings her back to attention.

The girl leans against the kitchen counter, “she’s alright…just, yeah—not clean. But what else is new?”

“You should report her, you know. It’s a violation of your space and if you can't cope then--"

"Ma it's fine. Just--leave it."

"I'm just saying it would help."

"Anyway, how's dad doing?"

"Dad's been...he's been good."

"Going to his appointments I hope?" Nina asks while pulling out a glass from the drying rack.

"Yeah, it's tough for him. You know how much he hates it."

"Yeah I know."

"And you? We never get news, Nina. How's school? Do you go out with friends? You should--" she's grateful when she hears someone call her mother from the other end of the line and quickly fishes for an excuse, "oh it's okay mom, you can go. I'll catch up on homework anyway."

Her mother leaves the call with another apology, and when Nina cuts off the call and tosses her phone back onto the table, she lets out a prominent sigh. Looking up at the ceiling, she forces her eyes to stay dry, to not cry. Because crying means that she’s giving up.

She’s never felt so alone.

———

“I can’t fail.”

Minho’s seatmate and good friend going by the name of Q, just chuckles before looking down at his friend’s paper, “uh sorry bud, but I think you already did.”

“What happened to you?” His other friend Dae asks with furrowed eyebrows.

“I don’t know, man,” Minho musses up his hair and moans as if the world is about to end. Well, to him it is.

“Maybe you need a tutor,” Q suggests as the class slowly starts to file out of class.

“Or maybe Mrs. Chung hates me,” Minho says snarkily.

“Or maybe,” Dae’s hand falls onto his shoulder, “you need to get your head back in the game. You haven’t really been focused lately.”

“Yeah he’s got a point,” Q says, “anything you’d like to get off your chest?”

“Girl problems?”

“Family problems?”

“Love problems?”

“Oh shut up,” Minho rolls his eyes, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as the trio exit the lecture hall and file out into the main corridor where lingering students are waiting for the next class to begin.

“You know what’s your problem?” Dae suddenly says.

Minho looks at him with a raised brow.

“You’re skipping too many lectures.”

“Aha,” Q snaps his fingers, “now that, my friend, makes a lot of sense.”

“In my defense I have to—“

“Yes yes, we know, you have a rigorous swimming schedule,” Dae rolls his eyes, “but I think maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk to Coach Choi about it. He might understand.”

“You mean, he’ll kill me,” mutters Minho sourly.

“Or maybe you need help from someone smart,” Q reasons, “why don’t you ask uhm—what’s her name again? The girl who’s always sitting in the front row by the right corner?”

“Ah Kimberley Chen? Yeah she’s hella smart. I’m sure she can help you,” Dae says.

While it sounds like a good idea, Minho’s pride cannot take it. Him? Asking for anything from anyone? He’d rather eat chicken feet, and god knows he hates that stuff.

Though…that doesn’t mean he can’t ask her in secret.

So that’s what he decides to do a few days after their small discussion. He stalks her social media accounts with no success. Apparently, this Kimberley Chen character doesn’t want any distractions from the digital world, hence her lack of presence on Facebook or Instagram.

Minho had no other choice than to stalk her in-between classes. Finding out where this famous Kimberley Chen sits is an easy feat considering that she’s a creature of habit. Having gathered some information on her beforehand, Minho had found out that she’s actually in the block right after his lectures, meaning that he has full chance of getting his personalized note to her.

He waits for the right moment. As soon as the bell rings to dismiss class, Minho quietly sneaks between the rows of desks before smoothly slipping in the note in the shelf right underneath. Then, assuring that no one has spotted him doing such a thing, quickly walks out with his head held high.

He should probably mentally remind himself to check that said desk during their next lecture.

———

“There’s a study group happening in the library. You coming?”

Nina shrugs at her seatmate, knowing full well that it doesn’t matter whether she comes or not. The girl had just been asking out of politeness.

Honestly, her days at university had proven to her that it was almost impossible to make friends on her own. That, or maybe she had just been destined to be alone.

It hadn’t been the case in high school. Nina remembered the happiness, the excitement about attending events with her friends.

Now, she barely had any energy to get out of her house.

“Okay well, if you wanna come, it’s at three thirty,” the girl whose name she doesn’t remember gives her a quick wave of her glossy nail-polished fingers, “bye!”

“Bye,” Nina mumbles to no one in particular. She lets out a soft breath, waiting for the rest of the seats to empty out, before quickly gathering her stuff from her shelf underneath.

It’s as she’s packing up her books that a note falls from her stack. Curious, Nina reaches down to pick it up, turning the plain white letter over. No name. Weird.

Was it money?

Would it be rude of her to check?

It isn’t addressed to anyone, meaning that Nina isn’t practically breaking any boundaries by doing so.

Maybe it belongs to someone. Someone important.

She lets her curiosity get the better of her, breaking off the sealed tip and opening up the page as her eyes scan the contents:

Dear K,

My name is Minho. You’ve probably heard of me. After all, I’m on the professional athletics team. I’m writing you this to ask you for your services. I heard that you’re the top student in class. Well, since I am failing Mrs. Chung’s class, I would really like some help with some additional notes or some studying sessions. You will be rewarded for this.

Let me know if you’re down for it. Cheers.

Minho

Whoever this Minho guy is sure has some great nerve. Nina wonders who in the world would have such a big ego to write such a thing. It sounds almost too absurd to be true.

Wait…Minho. The name somehow sounds familiar…

Or not.

She crumples it up in growing annoyance and is about to throw it away, when she thinks better of it and slowly un-crumples the note.

Maybe she should answer back. Teach him a lesson. And what is this about “You will be rewarded for this”?

Uncapping a pen and flipping the paper over, Nina bends over the table and starts scribbling down her response. Satisfied, she then folds it back into its letter and places it under the desk.

Reward, my ass.

———

[co-mixed]

Let's Chat About those Guardians

It’s mind-boggling to think how long has it been since we first met the MCU guardians. It’s been 9 years and this third part is meant to be the conclusion. So let’s gush. No reviewing, no goods or bads, let’s just chat about the movie.

I was supposed to watch it on May 3 but a tragic event forced the theaters to postpone the premiere. So it took a week of dodging the spoilers. And you know what? That was incredibly easy this time, despite my following a bunch of comic book accounts and casually browsing Tumblr and Reddit. Nothing was spoiled but everyone warned me I’ll be crying. I didn’t, I sobbed but I didn’t cry.

Like many millennials (so it seems), I don’t take animal abuse lightly and gotg goes out of its way to show you how sweet and trusting they are. Which makes the story of Rocket and his friends so much more heartbreaking. It’s hard to watch and it’s impossible to look away. So before I go into detail about everything else I loved, I have to mention that this was tough. The flashbacks, while impeccably done and masterfully sprinkled all over the movie, kept hitting over and over. It really made me wanna hug my cats tight (which I of course did when I returned from the theater.)

Now to the rest of it. 

We got a new villain. He’s not a galactic threat, he does his own thing an would’ve been easily ignored had it not been for his personal ties to Rocket. But this is exactly what I keep saying I love about comics and what I miss dearly when heroes are facing off a huge mega villain. It works best when it’s personal and you can get away with that easily whenever you put in time to develop your characters. 

Characters

Guardians have no lack in development: if you look at them, each one has made a journey from a little-known and almost discarded 616 c-lister to a highly recognized hero. And from a misfit to a family member.

But despite this being very much a Rocket story, I see this found family narrative brought home mostly by Gamora. We don’t see her story, not this Gamora’s anyway. But we see her having found her place among the ravagers. And it��s so heartwarming. She’s not the same Gamora who died on Vormir and it’s being mentioned over and over again. She even gets falsely nostalgic over the possibility of being with the guardians but her home is not there. And I appreciate her being a little closer to her comics counterpart- the deadliest woman in the galaxy.

It’s beautiful that she keeps in touch with her sister. And it’s beautiful that Nebula, initially a side character, in the best traditions of writing, makes the longest and the most complex journey from a maniac at Thanos’s side to a caring family member and the leader of Knowhere. This reminds you that several appearances if done right, can build an arc. Sort of like Anne in the Buffyverse.

Quill works through his issues, and he has a lot of those. I honestly don’t know when and why he will return but it sure will be nice to watch him in a fresh new team-up. Previous movies always focused on him more, and it made sense at the time (comics tend to do the same) but him returning to Earth is definitely a twist. Not exactly unexpected, just interesting. He managed to avoid it and he seemed to have made peace with never going back there but I suppose to face his issues he had to return. This could’ve been overlooked but I love that it isn’t. 

Drax and Mantis- what a fun friendship they’ve built. I’m so glad we saw tons of it in the Christmas special and it built the way for the touching arc and finale here in gotg 3. I don’t see any good reason for them to part, really. So this is just sad. I hope they at least keep in touch. But honestly, Mantis definitely has room for more stories (so does Drax, I mean we gotta see Moondragon eventually, especially with Phyla showing up, and even with retcons in mind, she could still be his kid). 

But all in all, these are the two characters that pretty much carry the comedy with each interaction. And in vol.3 they literally never fail to deliver. And notice how comedy mostly comes from phrases and interactions amid tragic and serious events.

This movie has a lot going on and Adam Warlock could’ve easily been too much. But I like how they managed to make him a reasonable part of the story and he even got his own little arc. I mean, he is an amazing character in the comics and brings some quality stories to be told. 

The new Guardians lineup has potential and so far, that’s the only thing I can say because I’m not a fan of theorizing. And we don’t really know if they will return but they may. I mean anything is possible right? But even if they don’t, I like knowing they’re all out there somewhere. 

Is it too naive to still hope to see Nova/Gamora romance? I’m a sucker for a good ship and theirs was in my opinion the best one as far as Gamora’s concerned. So here’s still hoping. 

Story

Yeah, the story overall. Like I said, a lot is going on and somehow it all still works. Because every little story and side quest actually builds the whole bigger picture. Even though it was so easy to fall into the same trap TRoS did (I’ll never get over how bad that movie is.) 

But in this case, every story is given enough time to matter and not a single minute is wasted on an irrelevant cameo or fam service. In fact, there aren’t that many references to the bigger 199999 (oh yeah that’s never gonna be 616.) It feels like its own thing, even though it’s tied heavily to Infinity War and Endgame. Still, you experience it as part 3. With the logical conclusion to every character. It also doesn’t set up anything, so if you don’t like movies that serve as building blocks for the MCU, this one is right up your alley. It’s very much its own thing. Although you have to come from the house that is the Infinity Saga. 

It’s funny as hell, it makes you tear up, and it leaves you happy and excited. This is all you can possibly want from a movie. As long as you don’t forget that this isn’t a retelling of the comics, but really its own reality. 

[cynettic]

I just read Kitsune reader x yan Scaramouche's fic, may I have gotten hooked on it? and of course, it's just perfect and that's why I'm here to lose a part two with nsfw, thank you in advance and understand if you refuse:3

Link to Part 1

Summary - Taking you captive, Scaramouche continues to see you as a pillar of support. Coming back home to have you there, always. Even if it meant chaining you up.

Pairings - F!Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Smut, slight noncon ( I tried to make it as consensual as possible but its difficult with yandere themes ), fingering, electricity play

Rating - NSFW

Penpal - Ahhh I'm actually beginning to get attached to this series, might end up writing a couple more posts with different hc and stuff. I hope you liked the post though, have a great day <3

A/N - The literal definition of the ‘stoic cruel boy who’s mean to everyone but you.’ Oh well, Scaramouche is ooc af, but I did change a few things in his backstory so its supposed to make sense for this story ;) Also- since we dont know Scaramouche’s actual name, I have the reader still… yknow, call him Scaramouche. Which is kinda weird cause its his harbinger name but oh well. Also, credit to @cycletr4in for proofreading it ;3

Taglist - @cursedraiden

Stay with Me pt.2

Scaramouche was a gentle captor.

In contrast to piercing eyes and harsh stares when it came to others, he had a soft spot for you. Like the ice that encased him whole melted at your touch, craving for the warmth only you could give him. For your arms around him, to play pretend and imagine he were a child, free, fearless, unbound. A child in your arms, safe and protected.

But you were held hostage, which meant that the chains around your wrists and legs held you down and secured you. Like you were bound to one spot like you’d always been, except this time you didn't have a choice.

You weren't waiting for the Kitsune Saiguu.

Hell, you didn't even have your vision.

This brought on resentment for the dark haired boy. You hated him, you despised him for holding you down under his own judgment. But at the same time, all you saw in him was a child, a little kid who hadn't had the time to grow up. The one who refused to do so because it was his only way to survive in the type of world he lived in. Hide behind that same facade he developed as a kid, snide remarks and unrelenting cruelty.

Just to come back to your arms, sobbing because he was still that child. Sobbing because he was still hurt. Sobbing because you were still his beacon of light, of hope.

He depended on you.

And as much as you built up harsh words to use against him, they dissolved in your mouth when you saw him. His vulnerability that he saved for you and you only. A deep part of you cared for him, a little too much.

Gentle fingers brushed through the locks of Scaramouche’s hair, twirling it around and playing with the strands. It was smooth, a small detail no one would have the chance to notice from the distance he put around himself and others. A quiet hum left his lips as he leaned against your chest, eyes fluttering closed against the soothing feeling of you against him.

The lavish silk sheets were soft against your skin, pillow pushing your form to sit up. Just enough to have Scaramouche in your arms, knees on either side of his body as his head rested under your chin. His chest rose and descended, almost on beat with yours, if not just a tad slower.

You hoped he wouldn't hear the way your heart thrummed against your chest.

Warmth, his body flushed against yours, the luxury of a bed and the small candlelight on your bedside. Different from what you’d grown into just on the side of the trail, sitting for decades. Or with your time with the Kitsune Saiguu, it was never this warm, never this gentle.

But this warmth ended at your beating heart, furiously blazing. Sending an urge of adrenaline through your body, whispering ‘run’ through your veins. A primal urge that would've had your hands around Scaramouche’s neck, till he was wrangling and dead.

Till you could escape.

Hand slowly sliding down his jawline, you let your gentle fingers ghost along the soft skin of his neck. Claws outstretched and ready, sharp and pointed with a deadly intent to kill. You could end him so quickly, overturn his trust and make an escape. You deserved it, you deserved freedom. Not a delusional boy who thought himself protector against someone who’s lived decades more than him.

Jolting at the sensation of a soft grip on your wrist, you watched with idle fascination as he simply cupped your wrist in his hold. Not stopping you, not restraining you, he simply brought your hand to his face. To his lips where he pressed the softest of kisses into your palm. So heartfelt and genuine that all you could do was freeze, not even considering clawing his face.

“I love you.”

You both stayed in that position for a few moments more, silence cradling the tension that slowly dissipated from your body. Forlorn eyes watching as he shift the angle of your wrist to kiss your fingertips. He wasn't waiting for an answer, basking in these soft moments where he could hide in your hold. Like a child, forced to grow up too quickly, yearning back for his foolish naivety, yearning for the childhood he missed.

You were that childhood.

Which is why he clung to you so dearly, showed expressions he didnt know he could make, hold you captive under the impression that it was ‘right.’ What he was doing was okay.

Claws retracted, you pursued your lips, holding back the tears of frustration that burned at your eyes. You hated him, hated him for the chains on your wrists, for the disappearance of your vision that you’d given so much value to. Hated him for the warmth he still made you feel.

You hated him.

You felt like a housewife in some respects. Not with the cleaning and cooking part, and of course no children were part of the equation. But in terms of support, you stayed rooted to that room, loose chains too strong for you to break or tug holding you down. Window was too far, and you were stuck moving around the bed and the desk that sat just a little farther away.

Attempts at having your vision back or more freedom in movement had been discussed with Scaramouche, but as childlike and free as he acted with you, he was not an idiot.

“I don’t plan on underestimating you,” was his answer, head resting on the plush of your chest. “You’re strong, always were. But I have to take extremes to make sure you don’t get hurt, some people out there are stronger than you.”

You wanted to point out that there were a ton of people stronger than him as well, but you kept your mouth shut. “Can I at least see the house? I’ve been cooped up here for so long…”

And he cant say no to such an innocent request as that right?

So he unlocks the chains, the vision at his side reminding you that he was strong. You solely knew that he’d been tough as a kid, and under the intensive training he’d seemed to endure, he was much much stronger. You werent willing to give it a go and lose his trust just yet.

Not like he really trusted you anyways-

At the very least, you’d hoped to get some sort of blueprint of the house, and all you’d received was confusion and your mind making up that the house itself was a maze.

“Didnt we… just pass through here?”

Glancing at the obvious frustration on your face, Scaramouche chuckled, pulling your arm through the hallways you swear you’d seen three times prior. “Nope, most of the hallways look pretty similar. The house wasn't built for dumbasses.”

You flashed him a look and were about to make some snideish rebuttal before you saw the smirk. You knew what he was doing, trying to comfort you with casual arguments you both used to have. Consisting of you telling him to work on his people skills, and him calling you a lazy ass. Of course you missed it, but you also knew you couldn't go back to it.

And then there was the issue when you learned that he was a harbinger.

A scene you didnt want to replay in your head, when a maid burst into your room, Scaramouche acting a tad more intimate. He had an awful tendency to do that, hug your waist and press his face against the crook of your neck. Press gentle kisses down the length of your shoulder that had you shuddering. You weren't used to intimacy, and considering you’d watched him grow up, it was just weird.

Stuttering, the maid had demanded that he was requested by the Tsarista. You’d seen the fear in her eyes when Scaramouche slowly turned to her, seen the unshakable immobility of standing under his gaze.

“Do not enter.” He said, “It’s on the door.”

That was the first time you’d seen Scaramouche kill.

You hoped it’d be the last.

But you’d seen death before, so much death in the time of the Kitsune Saiguu. And for a few seconds, you found yourself fearless as you yanked against the chains, yelling at his figure at the doorway.

“Tsarista?” You snarled, standing just a few feet away from him. His hand on the girls neck, clenching around the pretty skin of hers. Disgusted, the chains that held you back from closing the gap and throwing the girl away from him were impossible to overcome. “Why the hell does she need you?!”

‘Let go,’ you wanted to say. ‘Let her go, she’s going to die.’

It worked, because the ironclad grip was gone, the maid tumbling to the ground lifelessly. You’d been too late, and now her blood was on his hands, your hands. This was your fault and you had half the self control not to thrash against the chains with sharp claws, hands on his neck.

The hard steel gaze vanished in an instant, and like he’d regained his senses, he took a few steps to you. Hands clenching to fists before loosening to fingertips brushing against his palms. Confusion, regret and guilt clouded his features like a child waiting to be reprimanded. You didn't back away, stood firm and fierce when standing and keeping a tough front.

You wanted to cry.

“Its… its a long story.” He finally stated to your question, and when you didnt budge, he took a deep breath. In control again, he closed the distance between the two of you, “I’m sorry.” And that same thrum of electricity jolted through your body, sending you into a spiral of the girls lifeless eyes and Scaramouche’s childlike eyes. Till everything went black.

You woke up with the body gone. Scaramouche was gone as well.

You learned that Scaramouche liked to have things his way. Which meant that he was always in control, always had control of every situation.

Even in those short stretches of vulnerability when he rested in your arms, he still held something over you. And you had to adapt, shift for his wishes, coddle him and stay as his beacon. Because he was stronger, and even if you’d find some way to escape, he would find you.

It was odd, and you slowly let go of the image of him as a child, you knew he was a lot older. He’d probably reached the age your body was stuck in, and with every sweet kiss he pressed to your lips, you knew he saw you as some sort of lover. But as someone who wasn't in control, you simply had to play along, just until you found some way to make your escape.

Without killing him.

_-_-_-_-_

“Strip.”

Laying on one side of the bed, your eyes jolted open at the commanding voice. Slowly, you sat up, eyeing the dim figure at the doorway. Without the help of a candle or the moonlight at the window, you could distinguish Scaramouche at the doorway, taking off the large headpiece as he flung it to the ground.

“Excuse me…?” Your voice was soft, rusty after an evening nap.

“I’ll make you feel good,” was his only answer. Slowly making his way to the bedside till he could properly face you. His eyes were soft, but there was an odd sort of determination that you hadnt seen before. You held back his stare, confusion lacing your features when he suddenly started pulling off loose decorations that hung on his clothes. Just till he unlaced the vest and slid off his shirt. “Don’t worry.” But you didnt know quite what he meant until he leaned further to you, catching you off guard.

So you yelped when his hands suddenly slammed down on your shoulders, shifting you to have access to the buttons of your top layer. He was quick when undoing them, simply swatting away at your hands when you protested and tried to pull him away. Throwing it to the edge of the room when he was done, you could only thrash in horror when he undid your trousers just as quickly, pulling them down before you could grab them back up.

“Scaramouche? Hey-”

And then he threw you down on the bed, exposing you in your undergarments in the cool air of the room. Shivers crept up your spine and bristled across your skin, and before you could curl up to at the very least hide away, you felt a tug at your chains. Fear finally settled in when you saw Scaramouche attach the chain to the bedpost, until your hand was lifted up and he began to do the same to the other.

“Wait wait wait, stop and explain what you’re-”

Only then did he pause from what he was doing, slowly looking down to properly face you. His eyes slid up and down your body, and he took a step towards you. “I’ll make you feel good,” were his only words, and you were forced to take them as all he was planning on giving you. Only when he sat on the bed next to you did you realize what he meant, hand settling on your shoulder, waiting.

“Alright,” you said slowly. Painfully, the words bit your tongue, but you were merciless against someone who had control against the situation. You could say no and you knew Scaramouche would stop, he was gentle to you and you only. And even if he’d been firm just before, you knew that he’d still stop if you asked him to.

A part of you felt thrilled to have that power over him.

Another part of you just wanted to escape.

But you didnt have any hope to do so unless you were willing too give him everything. Because he expected everything and would do anything in his power to obtain it. You’d let him fiddle around with this delusion, thinking that he had control. Until he didnt.

Which is why you didnt flinch when his hand gently slid up your stomach, cold against the warmth you’d had under the blankets. Rubbing gingerly against your skin and drawing smooth shapes over before he slowly slid over your body. His eyes seemed to glint under the darkness of the room, lust filled and wanting.

You didnt shift uncomfortably, you pretended to be that doll he expected you to be.

Just staring up at him as he slowly leaned down to kiss you. His lips felt like snowflakes on a winters day, idly swaying side to side to catch one in your mouth. Jolting like electricity when they melted into your touch, red and swollen when he pulled back. You now vividly felt every touch, as if a current flowed and static jittered in the places he briefly brushed his fingertips.

“You always take such good care of me,” he breathed, lips slowly drifting down your chin. Just past your jawline and right on your neck. The space between your head and shoulder, a soft vulnerable spot that had your lips humming at the affectionate pressure. “Its my turn to take care of you.”

And then his lips were everywhere, collarbone, shoulders, cleavage. Just until his teeth were tugging off your bra, face nuzzled in between both breasts. Both of his hands now resided on your hips, grabbing both thighs to hold them up and against him. You could feel him hard, pressing so close to your heated core.

You managed to keep your reactions in check.

Just until he slowly grinded against you, mouth on your breasts as he again pecked the soft mounds, molding his lips against them as if he could remember the texture, memorize the feel. It was just to that point that mindless sounds slipped past your lips, turning to gasps when his hands on your thighs suddenly buzzed, and static rushed in. Your legs felt weak, entire body thrumming in response to the electricity he sent jolting.

He was using his vision.

The realization was numb against his lips on your breasts, hands slowly stroking the skin of your sides, travelling up. He hovered over you for mere seconds before mashing his lips against you once more, different. He was no longer gentle, and it was with the contact on your tail that you lost all control. When he gently moved it out of the way, backing up.

You were a mess.

Not that you tried to be, you’d been doing your best not to enjoy his touch. But it was hard when your core heated up so fast, mashing both legs together in hopes he wouldn't notice. You knew he would, any action beyond that was just you trying to save your dignity.

He sat there like he was enjoying the sight, the first time you’d seen him actually portray any visual confirmation of satisfaction towards the chains. He’d drink dry any ounce of control you gave him, and it was impossible not to give him it all when you were visionless and vulnerable.

But the dignity you struggled so hard to keep shattered when his hands brushed against your inner thigh.

Fingers slowly made their way to the padded fabric of your undergarments, two digits rubbing the area slowly with expertise. You bit your lip, muffling any groan of anticipation, hiding the way your hips tried to rock back into the gesture. Desperate, oh so desperate. Hiding back the whimpers as he slowly quickened the pace of his fingers against your garments. “Archons Y/n,” he murmured. “I haven't even put anything in and you’re already a squirming mess.”

“Shut u-up,” was all you managed, trying to shift away from the pressure against your clit. But his other hand was on your hip, holding in place. You could only watch and press your thighs tightly together as he slowly slid down your panties, resuming hovering over you. Distracting you with kisses, his fingers gently stroked your core, two fingers slowly sliding into your cunt using your juices.

He was gentle when pumping both fingers in and out, too slow when you thrust your hips to meet his fingers, pleading for him to go faster. But he liked hearing your cries, slowing down when you begged, quickening when you whined and just lay there, taking it.

You shuddered the first time electricity jolted from his digits.

It was when he had three fingers that he sent the static up your body, back arching with such intensity that it even had him chuckling. “Oh? You like it that much?” And then it is like something buzzed against your body, fingers vibrating against your clit as your thighs tightened around his hand. So much that you thought you’d crush it, but it didn't matter, not with the electrifying feeling against your body. It felt so odd, so overwhelmingly good that it had your legs sliding up and down the bedside, toes curling as the static grew and you fell paralyzed to his touch.

It didn't take long with his fingers thrusting in and out of you to cum. Moaning mess when he gave you the time to breathe, teeth biting your bottom lip and then mashing against yours. Your eyes grew fuzzy and most happened in a haze, and all you knew the entire time was that you’d given yourself to him, and that it felt good. You couldn't see the childlike wonder in his eyes anymore, not the need of a beacon or of support. No, the look he shared was feral, the smile tinting his lips almost scary. But it felt too good to care, and you let yourself enjoy his ministrations.

He pulled out and suddenly his own shorts were undone, boxers thrown to the side of the room just like all your other clothing. You didn't see how big he was, just felt his hard shaft against your throbbing cunt, pussy dripping and legs open wide and tired after your first go at it.

You expected him to be gentle like he’d been with his fingers. But he pressed the tip against your core, and in one full motion he was in. Teeth grinding against each other, you held back a scream, shock coursing through your body, overwhelmed with pain and discomfort. It hurt. But it was quickly overshadowed by his movements as he slid in and out of you, slow when pulling his hips back, and rocking himself completely inside you each time. A pattern that let you catch your breath and lose it all the same. Like he was continuously having a go at hitting the deepest parts of you, pulling back before fully thrusting into you and sending waves of pleasure and pain alike.

It was expected, but you couldnt hear yourself.

Not with your mind trapped in a haze of how he felt, body still buzzing after how he’d pulsed his vision through you. And now you were at the mercy of his member, hips swaying along with his, no energy for you to rock with him and try to push him deeper.

Archons, you didn't even think he could go deeper.

But you were proven wrong again and again as he kept the steady pace, hands clawing at your ass and hips. Stabilizing himself and trying to press himself against you, as far as he could go. Slowly, his hands drifted up to your hair, playing with the soft sensation of your furry ears. Pinching and rubbing, fingers coaxing the back of them like a massage. So gentle, but it paled in comparison to the harsh treatment of his dick.

You came first, gripping the chain with your hands in an attempt to stay stable. Walls clenching around him one last time before you got your release, your moans turning into cries when he continued to thrust into you. Your body felt numb, all nerves centred on the way he pounded into you, chasing his own release.

When he did, he pressed his head into your chest, his own breaths heavy with pleasure. Not pulling out, you could only lay there helplessly as his seed filled you, warm in contrast to the electricity he’d shot up your body just earlier. He didnt pull out, and laying in your chest, your heavy breathing didnt stop until he was asleep, collapsing on you and using you as support yet again.

Taking only a minute later to regain control of your senses, you shifted uncontrollably at his member inside of you, sending waves of pleasure every time you moved. Your wrists were restrained and you were stuck in this position till morning.

Achingly, you looked down at the boy, wondering how you would ever manage to escape.

[thedeadthree]

🍓🍓 for miss yelena and 🍓🍓 for miss olga please! (also i saw you mentioned an accident, i'm so sorry!! i hope you're doing okay! 💜💜)

RYLEY HIII BB I HOPE UR DOING WELL HUN! and that you’re taking care of yourself! hold on while i cry because thank you so much for the kind words and well wishes it genuinely means so much to have that right now ahhh EMOTIONAL! and im so sorry this is so late! (darn pain brain ✨🤧) anyway! thank you again! 🤎

give me a 🍓 and one of my ocs, and i’ll tell you some random facts about said oc!

— OLGA LITVINCHUCK, citadel 🧠

🍓- mina 🤝 olga <- falling in love with their partners AT FIRST SIGHT hehehe! but like kinda? definitely was like oh man he’s cute when they were gearing up for surgery but it didn’t really kick into high gear until the debriefing when she met up with him at his office before she left for the day! texted eli immediately that give her a year and she’ll be miss uytterhoeven in no time ✨😌! it’s fun to pull his leg and watch him go red around her like maybe the tough chief victor “I’m cool as a cucumber” uytterhoeven has some range after all hehe 🤍

🍓- absolutely ADORES her family and misses them dearly! they live in kiev and send her food and things from home regularly!!!!! ✨🥺 facetimes them all the time when she can and sometimes eli joins her in talking to them! like a member of the family at this point! she moved to the us to attend medical school and aspires to be the top NINO neurosurgeon at citadel! her parents are very excited to visit her and take a tour around the hospital! (a very lovely fic i have in mind is they come across vic at the hospital and they immediately, because they know their daughter hehe, know this is the lucky guy that’s stolen their daughters heart! it’ll be cute! it’ll be inch resting to see vic meeting the parents!)

— YELENA VORONIN, fallout 3 🩺

🍓- this girl further makes me cry because following her departure from the capital wasteland to help other people across the wastes who may need her. she wears her fathers scientists coat over her stealth armor that she got from the anchorage bunker, alaric recovered james’ jacket (at the time it was to do research on the affects of a lethal dosage of radiation from the remnants left on his clothes! he kept it though after he got the research he needed and before they departed he gave it to her… YOURE IN LOVE ALARIC ALEXANDER! James helped and saved the people of the wasteland with the project purity research and all his life and now that she’s living the same? she wants to wear it and think of him knowing she’s keeping his memory alive ✨🤧

🍓- her birthdays were nice growing up but despite having a idyllic life, safe and happy in the vault it was also quite lonely! very! not that many friends save for amata (who roman still thinks was only friends with yelena to improve her image) and the other girls were definitely only friends to improve their image, most people as well wanted to gain favor/better care from her dad who was the doctor (it didn’t matter but they didn’t know what! ) so pretty lonely!!!!!!!✨🤧 so after meeting kellan and roman, and then alaric later on in broken steel? and finding out that roman had never had a real birthday party? and in thanks to the only true family and friends she’s ever known (the closest thing she’s had to an older brother, her TRUE BEST FRIEND and closest thing to a sister, and finally alaric the love of her life that she least expected!) she makes a declaration that when everything is over and peace is restored to the capital wasteland, SHE WILL THROW ROMAN A BIRTHDAY PARTY ✨🥺 but unfortunately this didn’t happen until TEN YEARS LATER bc roman is terrified of trusting people and having friends, was evading old enemies and doing her thing as the wastelands avenger, she kept leaving before yelena could throw her the party :’) yelenas genuine heart for others and the care she has for her friends and loved ones is something i hold so DEAR AHH ✨🥺 and really what alaric finds so endearing about her! how the wasteland has still kept her heart despite all the horrible things that she’s gone through! never change bb!

[mr-and-mr-diaz]

I Don’t Understand Buck Begins.

PSA this is a bit of rant. Not a hate-rant or anything like that, but I do express frustration and if you’re not here for that right now, please skip this. It is complicated and ended upa bit long. But if you’re up for it, I’d LOVE to know your thoughts.

I actually want to talk about this with people. I’m not here to drop a statement like a microphone and walk away. The first time I watched Buck Begins, I loved it. I still do. But as I think back on it and rewatch, there are some major issues I’m spotting:

1. Buck in his whole life has been endangering himself in order to get the attention (dare I say LOVE) of those around him. I feel like the Firefam’s (very OOC) responses to him recklessly endangering himself again only enforced these destructive habits?

2. Firefam’s OOC reaction: In literally every other episode, when Buck recklessly endangers himself the firefam immediately put the brakes on, tell Buck to treasure himself, not to be reckless, to think things through, to realize that the victim got out because of sheer good luck (as well as hair-brained thinking on Buck’s part, but some of Buck’s decision making also really endangered him, more on that later.) The fact that Bobby let Buck work that fire at all in the state of mind he was in is odd. The fact that Hen told him he was for whatever reason correct in choosing to split from the party and go on his own in his current state of mind was beyond odd. Looking back, it doesn’t feel like real moments, but rather contrivances dressed in nice words like “I don’t this often but you’re right” (NO HE’S F**KING NOT!!) so that we wouldn’t question them immediately. Was Buck correct that the other team needed anotehr man? Yeah. Was he right that it should be him? NOPE. Anyone could see that, we could see that, the Firefam could see that. but they let him go anyway. This is OOC, they’re smarter than that, and they’ve known Buck for long enough to know when he’s triggered and more likely to make poor decisions. During it, when Buck disobeys orders and Bobby is calmly just like “Yeah he does that sometimes.” I’m sorry, did someone put Xanax in Bobby’s coffee? Why on earth would he be so calm?? In a normal situation he would never be calm about that--add to it the fact that he KNEW Buck wasn’t at his most stable at the moment? He should have been shouting into his radio and hauling ass, not shrgging and smiling with pride like “Yup! It’s cool with me” like what?? Then afterward, nothing but kind words and praise. Good job risking your life like an idiot, good job risking the other guy because you were so determined to get him out asap you didn’t stop to think. That’s what you do, Buck. 

Like did they really just say that!?

The only nuance that I thought was right here, the only thing that was given emphasis that felt RIGHT, was not that Buck stays behind, not that he makes reckless decisions sometimes, not that he jumped into a fire while unstable, THE ONLY THING that should have been emphasized here, that the episode should have been based on? Is that BUCK DOESN’T GIVE UP. There’s a quality in him that we’ve seen before. one that Buck doesn’t seem to realize about himself. Athena’s moment was the only moment that looking back gives me any kind of cathartsis, because it is the only healthy reaction from the firefam that I saw (aside from them all running in after him--still love that moment.) they should’ve been gentle baout it, but nonetheless should’ve told Buck to treasure himself more, not be like “And here’s our most rekless memeber, pat on the back, kid, we love that you throw yourself into danger without thinking, in fact that’s what we love most about you!” Thinking back, I could SCREAM that that’s the message they left Buck with.

3. The victim: Let’s face it, the only reason the victim didn’t die is because the writers didn’t want him to. They made sure the tank landed somewhere non-fatal so that Buck could still get a win, even though many of his decisions thus far had been hare-brained and ill-advised, driven by a mad need to prove himself, and to never leave people behind, even if stopping and waiting and thinking might be more advisable at some points. In fact, when the victim first falls, and buck wakes up and he looks at him and I thought the victim was dead, first of all I was really sad for the victim, but I also felt like that was the right way to go. Buck’s decision making wasn’t sound, he wasn’t thinking straight, he went in anyway, by all rights the only reason the victim stayed alive after everything he went through was because the writers wanted him to stay alive which they followed with a big and in my opinion inappropriate Pat on the back Moment. The victim dying would’ve been tragic, but it would’ve driven home a lesson for buck, that hurting himself, endangering himself isn’t the answer, won’t always save the day. It would’ve taught Buck (harshly yes, but) that he needs to get his head  on straight in this job. And if he had lost teh victim and the firefam had been there for him anyway, it would’ve been a whole different scenario.

In the episode, while it was super sweet and had some incredible moments, Buck learns nothing, his relationship with the Firefam doesn’t actually change at all, and his relationship with his family doesn’t appear to have actually progressed. He’s still prioritizing them over himself (bringing the parents into therapy since well, they’re trying which is apparently enough now), he’s now been encouraged to continue the reckless streak of self-sacrificing decision making that he’s been on in the past in order to gain teh love and recognition of the poeple around him.

I wish the writers had placed focus, not on Buck being accepting, not on Buck being restless, but on Buck not giving up. We saw bits of that yeah, but it wasn’t as highlighted as Buck ebing reckless and feeling overall like he’s not enough. I wish the episode had been centered there, and they had created an entirely different scenario start-to-finish that (like in Eddie begins, where there were no contrivances, the only reckless thing he does--cutting the line--is something that there isn’t a quetsion in a single brain he WOULD do and should do) where Buck is level-headed, where he’s in some kind of scenario where only he could uniquely succeed in because he never gives up. This episode had bits of it here and there, but ultimately what was running teh day was buck vulnerabilities, not his strengths. Insead of pointing out where Buck shines (like the other Begins episodes), they really only further highlighted what his weaknesses are and then proceeded to have the people around him encourage those weaknesses. Like, what?!

I also think this was the moment to solidify the firefam as his family. Instead, we see Buck retreating back toward a very unhealthy family situation and the firefam remains where they always are. What they did for buck in this episode was something incredible, but it’s also something they would do for any member of the firefam. What I wanted was for the firefam to show up for Buck in a way that he uniquely needs. How, I don’t know--perhaps taking a jab at his loneliness, surprising him with a dinner party at the loft, whatever. Something that told Buck “we see your pain, we see how tough your parents are, how you and Maddie need family who will show up and treasure you no matter what (WHICH BTW INCLUDES YELING AT YOU WHEN YOU’VE BEEN AN IDIOT AND TELLING YOU TO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CRAP DON’T ENDANGER YOURSELF LIKE THAT AGAIN, PLEASE VALUE YOURSELF), that’s what Buck needed. An episode that would help him learn to treasure himself, believe in himself more, love the fact that he never gives up about himself, learn that dangerous stunts and running into things without thinking because he bleives that’s what gets him love is incorrect and unecessary. We didn’t get any of that. The episode was also trying to kill two birds with one stone, which brings me to my last point:

4. Framing Buck Begins around the sibling’s relationship, while GORGEOUS (seriously LOVED these moments they did and the casting was amazing, and both JLH and OS played their younger selves to perfection) I wish had been placed in a completely different episode. They didn’t belong here in an episode of Buck learning about himself. And because of the amount of airtime they took up, we ended up with an episode where Buck doesn’t really learn about himself in the end. Everything remains largely external instead of internal.

All in all, I feel like we need another Buck Begins episode to right the wrongs of this one. Nothing has been solved or fixed. Buck’s relationships remain pretty much the same going in as they do leaving. He has found no peace, no resolution (except in confirmation that Maddie loves him, which is nice, but largely external) he is still fuled by the belief that reckless behavior is what wins him teh love and attention of those around him.

This frustrates me to no end. If you feel like Buck Begins did scratch every itch for you, I’d love to talk and see your perspective as well, because I hate this itchy feeling of dissatisfaction and I dearly hope I’ve missed something here.

Anyway sorry this got so long. Didn’t realize I had QUITE so many thoughts until I started writing and then shit happened. If you made it to the end, thank youa nd I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree.

[soranihimawari]

Dear Sugawara-san

A birthday blessing from me (or Yenne [y/n-chan]) to you

AU [[Postcards]]: Not Social Media, but SOULMATE based.

Rating 18+ for CW [still a SFW, with hints of certain kinks [daddy dom, mentions of pearl-necklace, brat tamer!yenne, LANGUAGE, etc]

🔞MDNI -> (read at your own leisure.) recommended age 18+

A work inspired by this gif above (^-^)

PART I:

post card (1)

21/2/20XX

Happy birthday love! I'm so sorry I missed out on your day. I know you and the guys have been practically partying since last week, but I do sincerely hope you have a blast! Oh yeah! I went to a film festival & thought of you (I saw 'His Girl Friday') It was a hoot! Anyways, as you can see, I love you to bits lover-boy, so happy birthday Koshi! <3 Yenne

post card (2)

12/12/20XX

Babs: you know you looked so fucking hot in those boudoir photos for me. You fucking turned me on & trust me, I won't share you. Although, you did seem pretty happy tied to my chair. Then again, you love it. I think you blessed me with a knew name as I reminded you who owns your moans, dearie. Fucking you senseless and taking my cock from behind during this boring af faculty lounge has suddenly awakened my desire to be called, 'Daddy' by you and you only.

--Daddy Sugarcane

post card (3)

17/01/20XX

Sir, I regret to inform you that this establishment is an entirely different department for nightlife entertainment. Now now, don't pout pretty baby. Yes, you can spank me later daddy, but you know I'm gonna tie you up eventually. Fuck! Do I miss you eating me and taking what I dish out to you. How dare you think you can flirt with that dumb broad to get more ice in your cupcake... (T^T) and I thought you loved me.

xoxo,

Yenne

PART II

post card (4)

13/03/20XX

Happy anniversary angel. Tonight, I just want to take care of you the best way I know how. I know it’s been tough being away from me because your team decided it would be best to send their best architect abroad to oversee the latest building(project). I miss pampering you after you’ve let me cum inside; my little darling bunny so eager to be taken care of…

—D.Sugawara

post card (5)

08/07/20XX

Honey, I’m sorry I overreacted. You were too strict today. All I wanted was to sleep and relax with you, but apparently you thought quality time with me is not as valuable as hanging out with your friends from high school. They’re good boys… SugaDaddy, I’m not coming home. Not this time. My boss asked me to stay for the following year at the construction site…

xoxo,

Yenne

post card (6)

11/11/20XX

I love you. I love you dearly. Hopelessly and effortlessly. The kids I teach asked me, ‘sensei, what’s love?’ & I thought of you. You who has taken care of me since graduate school. You who’s face I’ve seen crumple and cave in pleasure around my cock; your whimpers…You’ve been gone for nearly a year and now all I can think of is how I’ll welcome you home the best way your daddy knows how…

-D.Sugawara

[sonderthroughthestreets]

Ok it’s almost 4am when I’m done writing this and I can’t stop thinking about ANY of the clips actually!

Super long post coming up and I can’t get the read more link to work on mobile right now sorry! 😅

Zoenne:

I love them and I can’t believe they decided to drop a 5min clip of them on April Fool’s day (listen I was the fool, I was such a fool)

I can’t believe we got to see them be awkward and clumsy in their conversation, yet feel so familiar talking to each other even though it’s been 3 months. The way they know each other so well, like senne just knowing that when Zoe’s cracking jokes like that she’s feeling shitty and Zoe is actually making senne laugh tho with her guitar jokes and “are you trying to seduce me” jokes. It was a pretty great clip showing us how much they miss each other but it’s def too soon. Senne missing Milan was something that broke me and I never knew I needed a friendship between a William and an Eskild until the s3 flatshare🙈

The second clip of them was amazing in starting their awkward journey to being “friends” again. Zoe making the first move to message Sennne again and using Milan as an excuse to text him is such a Zoe thing to do! Milan dancing gives me so much life😆

Boysquad:

Listen, they haven’t changed one bit and that is both a bad and good thing. Jens stop with the toothpaste, Moyo stay getting roasted, Aaron pls get a brain cell, Robbe u are perfect the way u are, keep shining with those fairy lights😎

Would’ve still liked to see some more development on their behalf with Robbe being out now and also with his mom’s MI, but I get they’re just not the kind of ppl you can just talk about these kind of things and while they’ll still hang out and talk to you, their efforts will be slow, if at all.

Girlsquad:

I saw a post a long time ago that said that the Belgians like their angst. Welp, I am sad and broken. It was really nice to see them smiling and greeting each other but Jana just dropping the news that her mom has the virus is heartbreaking and most probably a wake up call to a lot of people that haven’t been taking the social distancing seriously. Jana possibly moving to NY maybe after the lockdown and the virus settles down is also very sad. I’m glad the girls are being supportive and there for each other through these tough times.

Sobbe:

What more can I say that hasn’t already been said? Lol. The mural clip was amazing, it finally acknowledged the mural and I love Sander’s need to proudly tell the world how much he loves Robbe. The virus story, the “ik miss u”, the shyness of it all. Sander has really let his guard down and doesn’t feel restricted and controlled and is finally free to love and be loved 😭 I think it was a nice balance of seriousness in reminders to see his doctor, flirting and intimacy in missing each other dearly.

The videocall was more than what I could hope for. It definitely felt like I was intruding but that’s pretty on brand for these two. The way Sander was concerned for Robbe’s mom, the way he flirted and gave Robbe his “words of affirmation”, they way Robbe asked for it, just like he asked when he fell for him in the cuddle clip I- 😭 I also loved how they could both be super casual with each other and still so romantic at the same time but that’s for another post lol

Anyways this was a super long and I’m really sorry but I can’t sleep and I have feels ahhhhh😆🙈

[donutthief10]

🎀soft kpop asks🎀

1. What kpop songs make you feel at home?

Imma just say EXO love love love (rearranged) [Live]. I’ve had the best memories with this song and I jammed hard to this song a lot in the car. Pretty peaceful and chill and slow. 

2. What idol(s) do you associate with kindness?

EXO Lay, GOT7 Jackson, RED VELVET Yeri, literally everyone from MONSTA X and SEVENTEEN. MONSTA X and SEVENTEEN radiate kindness I swear dude.

3. Has a kpop song or group helped you through some difficult times? If so, and if you feel comfortable, share how.

EXO. They were the first group I deeply got into and invested so much of my late high school and early college time in. I can’t think of anything too crazy or difficult, but just when I’m feeling low or have a bad day and things don’t go well, I can search any exo crack video or sweet video of them and it instantly cheers me up and I feel better. 

4. What idol would you star gaze with? Why?

I’d like to be with Kyungsoo, of course. I think he seems very insightful and I would like to have any conversation with him, from silly to deep. Also NCT Mark. That kid is everything, he’s a funny goofball but for being his age has probably seen and done so many things, and I’d love to pick his brain.

5. What’s your favorite ballad?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_OGaSy99vU you’ll thank me. Best cover I’ve ever heard in my life. And I’ll fight anyone who disagrees.

6. What was your first kpop group that you stanned? Why did you stan?

EXO. They were the first group i really took my time getting to know. And I’ve never seen a musical group with so many members, my gosh. Thank goodness they have so much content. It was fun getting into them kinda in the middle stage, CMB era. There’s enough stuff to see them from the very start and go from there, and still loving them to this day (June 2020) I’ve really got to see them grow as wonderful men and human beings. Like who knew Chen would become DADDY first, amiright ladies.

7. Would you rather give or receive a gift from your bias?

Oh for sure give a gift. I like writing AND gift giving, and I think just writing a simple letter to an idol I appreciate or a group in general would be great. I’d give me the opportunity to thank them for helping me through tough times, they give me hope and cheer, and to express that everyone feels the same way. They deserve to know how much us fans are so thankful for them. 

8. What are some cute nicknames you have for your biases?

Kyungsoo has strawberrysoo and Sooberry, Chen’s got chen-rry. It was a joke between a friend and I when we made EXO into fruit. 

9. What idol(s) would you go to an arcade with? Why?

I think Baekhyun and NCT Johnny would be fun. They’re both pretty energetic and can provide excellent narration. And Baek’s pretty much a gamer anyways so he’d help me shoot lol.

10. What are some things you associate with your bias?

Kyungsoo- khakis, fly fishing dad outfit, dad fashion, the color black, nike, cooking, penguins, eyebrow game on fleek, heart lips, owl eyes, soft, kind, talented, handsome af, pls bring back red hair i beg you. must i go on???

11. What idol(s) would you bake cookies with? Why?

NCT Taeyong. Cooking would be so fun, just jammin’ to songs and baking. He’s a precious bean and I’d be fun eating cookie dough instead of actually cooking it would be a blast. And I bet he has a crazy sweet tooth.

12. What idol(s) would you like to share comfortable silence with? Why?

Kyungsoo, he seems like a pro at that lol. SVT Joshua, MX Shownu, RV Wendy. They’re just peaceful human beings and I can image just all of us reading or doing work peacefully in each other’s presence. 

13. What idol(s) would you like to share your favorite food with?

Kyungsoo, I love that he’s a foodie and enjoys cooking. I’d love to eat pho and ramen and sushi with him and just talk about life. MX Wonho would be fun to go on ramen dates with, since that’s his fav too. 

14. What idol, when they come to mind, makes you feel warm, fuzzy, at home?

Kyungsoo. Pretty obvious at this point haha. He’s my fav and I adore him dearly. His voice too, my gosh. His singing voice is just so gentle and warm, it certainly gives you the warm fuzzies.

15. Which idol would you like to have a long, deep hug with? Why?

MX Shownu. He just seems to have such a soft touch, and he’s known as the papa bear in the group. It helps that he’s pretty muscular, i think his hugs would be nice and warm and strong.

16. What’s your ideal day with an idol(s)?

I would like to spend a day or two with SEVENTEEN. I think going out and having a good meal with them would be great. It’s a great way to get to know someone and talk about easy mundane things. I have the best memories with friends at a lake, or going out in nature. So i think time with them hiking or having a lake day would be so peaceful and fun. Also inner-tubing, omg that’d be a blast. They’re all such GOOD BUDDIES to each other, and crackheads at the same time. They’re energy would be nothing but fun and exciting.

17. What idol(s) would you watch the sunrise with?

I mean... all of EXO. BTS Hobi, NCT Jaehyun and Taeyong, SVT Scoups

18. What idol(s) would you watch the sunset with?

EXO... again haha. MX Jooheon and Minhyuk, BTS Taehyung, SVT Joshua and Wonwoo

19. Has an idol or group said anything that has stuck with you?

“The possibility of all those possibilities being possible is just another possibility that can possibly happen" ~ Mark Lee, 2019. An iconic king

20. What idol would you like to spend a rainy day in with? What would you do? (please keep it appropriate lmao)

I think Johnny and Mark would be super fun. I think a nice puzzle would be nice to do, a time to talk and get to know them, with hot chocolate and blankets. And like a crazy netflix or hulu binge watching, and eating popcorn. I’m used to commenting and making jokes during movies/tv so I’d to joke around with them and see what they have to say about a movie or tv. 

21. Talk about why you love your bias so much.

Kyungsoo is just such a sweet soul. I saw a video of him just now and it was when he was 19 years old, and he was so sweet and giggly and smily. And it’s astounding to see him grow into such a mature young man. he’s done great success in acting, and seeing the kinds of talents he possesses. He’s a talented singer, a good dancer, an amazing actor, and he cooks. He seems very mature and yeah, kinda looks dead inside at award shows, but I think he’s got a good head on his shoulders. And when the time comes he can become goofy and cute, even when it seems he doesn’t want to/do it on purpose.

22. Would you rather go to Disneyland or Everland with your bias? What would you do there?

I mean easily Disneyland. i wanna see every member of my favs wear Mickey ears decked out in Disney gear. They definitely deserve a day of fun and laughter and no stress, and just living out as a young adult. 

23. What do you imagine your bias to smell like?

Kyungsoo- Idk probably just clean, like soap and whatever cologne he may wear. He’s a simple man lol.

24. What do you wish for your bias group or idol in the future?

I just want happiness for everyone, and success and to remember how much we love them and appreciate them for all the hard work they do. 

25. What season do you associate a group or idol with? Why?

SVT is summer, for sure. They come up with the most boppiest of bops, and the energy for them best fits a summer road trip with the windows down and music blasting.

26. What idol would you like to share childhood stories with?

Honestly anyone who has traveled from the US to SK. I love hearing their stories and how hard they worked to get where they are. They really sacrificed everything they knew in the States and went to a place they don’t know well, have to learn a new language, and miss their families. I’d like to hear how they made it to where they are and what they’ve learned over the years. 

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

I don't blame you at all for keeping quiet about the show. I just can't understand how the people running the CW can look at what Dabb is doing to this show and go, "Eh - good enough." It's NOT good enough. It is demonstrably terrible, and at this point I desperately hope there will be a new show runner next season who will reveal the last 2 seasons were all a dream because one of the boys was in a coma. I don't know how else to fix things without acting like the Dabb era just didn't happen.

Not sure my ask went thru… What’s up Girly-girl! Long time no comment, edit, review, rant, observation, bitch session…  we miss you! You still watching? Curious as to what you think about theses past 5 episodes. Looks like Dabb in his ultimate suckitude as a Showrunner has screwed Jensen over again and handed off his DeanMichael storyline to another. Shocker. I’ll be really pissed if he has. And it definitely looks that way.             

Hello dear!

I assume these two might have been written by you? And probably some time ago as well. I’m sorry about replying so late, but tumblr hasn’t really been a prioriy these past months. Thank you for your message though. :) I think tumblr is working perfectly alright without me though, but thank you for being sweet and saying you missed my rambles.

That being said, I don’t think there will be any rambles, specs or metas posted on my page in any foreseeable future - though I could probably just schedule the around 200 meta-, gif- and edit-posts that are still sitting in my drafts, but then again… they have collected some dust by now.

To be completely honest, it’s a combination of things why I have been silent on here. One being that my daily life with work has been pretty demanding and doesn’t leave me with a whole lot of energy after I get home, but it’s also that I simply don’t have as much to say about SPN anymore these days.

I joined fandom in the middle of S7 and my personal highlight times on here has been from S8 to S11 - those were the good old days of meta, really they were golden and I cherish that time dearly still, but fandom has changed since then (and what people deem most important as well), the show has changed and I don’t feel like I am having a place in this fandom any longer. While I also always love editing, my primary focus on tumblr and with my blog has been analysis and meta and I feel like the kind of meta I strived for, loved reading and wrote myself theme wise is no longer of any interest to the majority of people - which doesn’t really bother me, I would continue to post my views regardless, but these past 3 seasons under Dabb’s reign have been hard on me. He turned the show into something I can barely recognize as the show I fell in love with. The storytelling is a mess and so much other stuff as well that I have been very vocal about up until a few months back, but I didn’t want to be just negative any longer so I took a break hoping that maybe SPN would inspire me again to write, but Dabb’s version of SPN is so shallow, so foreseeable from miles away that it has simply not been the case.

To put it plainly, Dabb has made me fall out of love with SPN these past 3 years as he turned it into a show that has nothing in common with the show I love. Of course all of our tastes differ, but my personal favourite seasons past Kripke were the Carver years as he imo knew how to craft story, craft emotion, craft characters and he knew how to play subtle, how to set up a story and follow through, how to make your heart ache in the best way possible. His style of storytelling and showrunning is what I adored and Dabb’s style has hardy anything in common with that so the past three years watching the show, seeing canon thrown out the window, replacing deep emotion with cheap melodrama and stories that built up and had a climax to millions of stories that go nowhere has left their mark on me. It’s been a tough three years, years that were frustrating, yes even painful, it was like a relationship that you always hoped would blossom again but never did. It’s like a relationship that had all the raw potential but ended up hurting you more than it made you happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I will always love this show and there will never be another show that will have this impact on me and my life and I can guarantee that there will NEVER be a character that will mean as much to me as Dean Winchester, but Dabb era has been painful, because I cared so much about the show. I was mourning it and it’s characters while they were still there on my screen but treated with such careless hands that I needed to take a step back and to be honest, I think it was the right call. For one because no one needs a negative voice all the time, but even more so now that J2M have revealed that S15 will be the last.

I see a lot of people very broken up about it and I’d have been the same way after S8 or 9 or 10 or 11 if it had ended then, right now I feel relief - and I don’t want to hurt anybody with saying that - and strangely enough for the first time in a while interest again (I have been watching the episodes btw, but like I said… nothing that would need to be written about - aside from Jensen rocking it with his Michael struggle, which like you said now has been given to someone else, once more) and a faint bit of hope and even happiness, because this way they should be able to craft an ending that is planned from the get-go. And that is something that could be very good for the storyline - then again, sadly I doubt that someone like Dabb could pull it all together. But here’s to hoping. All I want at this point is for them to make it count, make it worth it - I’d love nothing more than seeing the first episode of S15 and feeling like writing meta again.

So, what does it all add up to? I know this is a long ramble, but I felt it was overdue given my silence on here. I don’t know how often I’ll be on here from now on, I’ll check in here and there, but I doubt I’ll be posting much. To everybody who is hurting due to SPN coming to an end: HUGS. Really selfishly I can say I truly don’t hurt or feel broken up, I feel more like resolution is finally on the horizon and potential for a wonderful ending. And something that I will always be grateful for is the people this show has brought into my life, people who’ll stay in my life way past this show, that’s what makes the show count: just like the character will transcend, keep living, so will these friendships for life and that’s how this show will become “immortal”. Not through the storylines, not through the 15 seasons it aired, it had impact through and due to the people who watched it and who found like minded people through it they can consider close friends and even family now.

Anyway, if I could have one wish fulfilled, it would be to get all of the good writers back on the show for this last hurra, Ben Edlund, Jeremy Carver, Sera Gamble, Raelle Tucker, Robbie Thompson and Adam Glass for example and of course Eric Kripke. Let them pen the ending to the show that famously once said “endings are hard, but nothing ever truly ends, does it”. And yes, I still stand by my sceanrio that I have written about many a times before in terms of endings. I’d love it if the ending scene was a shot of the Impala on some stretch of the road (the brothers may have died fighting the good fight or finally retired or whatever else) and some guy who looks to be lost, but a good soul tries the door and it swings open. He sits down, rumages through the car to find the keys and finally looks into the glove compartment where a thick envelope sits that reads:

“For you”

And the guy picks me it up and opens it and inside there’s a leather journal, reminiscent of John’s but not his and a folded piece of paper and the keys to the Impala. And you can see in Dean’s handwriting there’s written:

“May she be as much of a home to you as she was for me and my brother. Treat her well, or I swear I’ll haunt your ass.”

And the guy laughs and turns on the ignition, “Back in Black” starts blasting from the radio so that he turns down the volume and fumbles for the journal, opens it up and looks at the first page that says:

“My name is Dean Winchesters. And then is my story. Buckle up.”

[tearasshouse]

Mostly vidya ramblings pt 3C

Previous post here.

Right, software time. A cursory glance at my PSN Profile will show that I’ve met my personal quota of getting the platinum in at least 10 PlayStation titles over the year, with a few PC titles sprinkled in for good measure since hey, I have access to a Windows machine again (though it’s not exactly a games machine, unless your definition of a “gaming rig” is something with a 15W Core i3 and modest laptop Radeon graphics). While I didn’t start out meaning to rank these games, I find I have a tendency to do so anyway and while I’m certainly not saying these games are outright bad, they were absolutely lower on the rung, so I’ve dubbed this part “C” (again, no disrespect to the devs or any who rate these games higher than I do; these are just my personal assessments). These are OK games.

The Darkness 2 (Steam)

Enjoyable, somewhat! I put this down like, ages ago when I picked it up for a song on PC, feeling it was too basic and uh “console shootery” at the time. Often times, having restrictions placed upon something can net great results, and hamstrung as I am by my less-capable hardware, I’ve only been picking up Steam games that could run on lower end hardware, or anything released prior to say, 2015. Surprisingly this runs at something stupid like 200 FPS on my machine with V-Sync off and all settings on High at 1080p, so go figure. Anyway, it’s a short and enjoyable shooter. I don’t know anything about the comics upon which the game(s) are based, but Jackie is a likeable character, the Darkness powers are fun enough, the locations are varied, the supporting cast surprisingly interesting and the plot was actually pretty cool too, with a major sequel hook that we’ll probably never get. 

Ori & The Blind Forest (Steam)

It sorta hovers a bit below 60fps while running at 1080p, but it’s all just a bit reductive when one spends more time looking at the framerate counter than playing a game, no? The blessing and curse of PC gaming I suppose. Anyway, as a Metroidvania the game is a bit annoying. As a piece of interactive fiction, it’s too saccharine and feels like a B-tier Dreamworks production for children which, I suppose shouldn’t be a knock against the game but I have to say --  wasn’t my cup of tea. Reminds me a bit of Child of Light by Ubisoft -- gorgeous to look at, benign if not frustrating to play (those escape sequences can piss off), and young gamers would probably find more to like in the...emotional tidbits than most adults.

Crysis 2 (Steam)

So apparently this got delisted off Steam but now it’s back up or something with EA deciding to put their back catalog on the platform or something? Anyway, like this list implies, Crysis 2 is an okay game, nothing more and nothing less. The nanosuit energy depletes a bit too quick for my liking, and you’re really made to feel like a badass only some of the times, in quick and short bursts, not unlike BJ in the new Wolfenstein games by MachineGames (any more prolonged exposure to hitscan weapons and other bullshit will quickly send you to the loading screen). Thing is, I don’t want to feel like a badass only some of the time? I mean, you put a ripped supersoldier type doing the Badass Looking Back At the Viewer Pose on the cover and I expect to be able to do certain things without stopping for a breather every 20 seconds, ya know? If you’re going to give me the power fantasy, commit to it. Or, find ways to keep the flow up and reward mastery to make players earn said fantasy (something the new DOOMs  have done and why those have been so successful). I certainly don’t envy game devs for having to balance this shit, but id Software showed you one way of how you might do that while the Crysis games and those of their ilk just feel slow and unrewarding. 

Quantum Break (Steam)

Really surprised I was able to get this running on my PC but hey, it runs on the Xbox One so how hard could it be? I dearly love Remedy’s games, even if they’re a bit straightforward at times and you get the feeling they’d rather be in the business of non-interactive fiction than games making at times. Well here is a TV show hybrid! Made exclusively in partnership with Microsoft as part of their TV & STREAMING, TV & STREAMING, SPORTS & STREAMING strategy of the 2010s. I didn’t care for the plot, nor the endless email / audiobook / loredumps scattered around, nor the characters, any of it. I will say the final stage with the super high tech offices was a delight (boy wouldn’t I love to live the corpo life in such beautiful, clean office environs). Lance Reddick was a treat as always. Peter “Littlefinger” Baelish shows up to do a thing. Yeah, it’s a Remedy joint through and through. 2019′s Control was such a highlight for me that I’ll take any kind of prototype-y take on it (and QB certainly feels like a rougher, worse version of Control, at least mechanically).

Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs / Dear Esther: Landmark Edition (Steam)

These titles were certainly...things that I installed onto my PC and sat through... Yes. Look, I’m not one to dog on walking simulators, and I know the devs have faced tough times recently but I still feel these are acquired tastes and could be appreciably improved in too many ways to name. Of the two, Dear Esther is the one I’d rec because at least that one was quite pleasant to meander around in while Amnesia left me disappointed that I’d wasted my time, physically sick with its subpar performance and muddy graphics, flaccid with its stodgy plot and left absolutely disappointed that I’d wasted my time on such a bizarre and confusing payoff towards the end. Chinese Room, I mean this in the most constructive way possible: maybe try a different type of game next time.

Return to Castle Wolfenstein (GOG)

I remember putting in some decent time into the DEMO version of RtCW’s MP mode, being amazed at the time by the particle effects, with child-me just running around the D-Day map with the flamethrower out. Anyway, years later and I finally played the SP campaign. It’s maybe better than Allied Assault’s? It feels more consistently entertaining anyway. Hell I think I like these boomer shooters better than MachineGames’ recent efforts (which isn’t saying a whole lot because I find those games just merely okay). I promise you I’m not just being a crotchety old fart.

Ys: Memories of Celceta (PS Vita)

I’d been playing through this over the spring on my Vita TV, before it bit the dust eventually and I’ve been meaning to go back and wrap up the cheevos. I was a bit lukewarm with Oath in Felghana (my first Ys), but could definitely see the appeal in the series, as boss rush games aren’t really my cup of tea (ie. it’s the journey and not the destination of say, a Souls game that is the meat for me). Definitely a game that would benefit from a 60fps refresh and cleaner graphics than what the Vita can provide. I’ve already got a copy of Ys 8 in shrink wrap and have my eyes set on emulating Ys Seven or grabbing the GOG version. A game where action is king and story or character development is secondary; I would prefer more of the latter to make this more of a JRPG and less of a “predominantly Japanese action game with superficial RPG elements”.

Catherine: Full Body (PS4)

I paid $70 for this on day one and I’ve gotta say... should’ve waited for the price drop. I’m a somewhat lapsed Atlus mark, and I still hold the original Persona 5 as my no. 1 in the PS4′s lineup (with Dragon Quest XI possibly being a tie), yet I bought this knowing it wouldn’t really be for me. Why? High difficulty in a genre I don’t play, like at all, a relatively short clear time (in itself not an issue and frankly welcome these days HOWEVER...), and a somewhat unsatisfying payoff despite being a supernatural romance thriller. I bought this as seed money for Atlus’s P.Studio/Studio Zero, in the hopes that Project Re: Fantasy will knock my socks off just like the latter day Persona games have. Because in spite of the contents not really appealing to me, it’s still supremely well made, and it’s not everyday that games like these get made, so there you go. Look, if I could go back in time and put this money towards 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim, I probably would, but then the Catherine steelbook is ever so pretty... 

Tearaway Unfolded (PS4)

The OG game is one of the most charming little 3D platformer/collect-a-thons out there, and as far as children’s games (or er, “games that also appeal to children”) go, more of these and less of those please (your Child of Lights and Oris). I’d go as far as to say the OG version is better than the PS4 version, though the PS4 version is also quite good. Really, if I wasn’t going for that stupid Misplaced Gopher trophy, this would probably be an easy shoe-in for the B-tier list, but I place this demotion firmly at Media.Molecule’s feet. That cheevo is cursed.

The Missing: JJ Macfield and the Island of Memories (PS4)

I’d almost forgotten about this! If that doesn’t qualify for making the C-tier list then I don’t know what else does. I only know of Swery65′s qualities through osmosis, having watched the 2BF’s legendary LP of Deadly Premonition and the gone-too-soon D4: Dark Dreams Don’t Die. He’s an interesting person with interesting ideas but crucially, as a game dev, his output is just... kinda mediocre? If not outright bad? Case in point with this game. It looks and runs like garbo; it plays like garbo; the character designs are cute; the dialogue is pretty good; there is a wonderful and gradual “twist” to the main character that was super spoiled for me when people were discussing and promoting it (like, that is my bad, but also internet discourse on any kind of entertainment media is just *fucked*); there’s a lot of semi-colons in this sentence so I’ll stop here. 

And the balls to charge like, what, $40+ for the game on PSN?? I’d gotten it for way less on a sale but in a day and age when $1 could buy you 3 months of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate and MS might also throw in a curio like this in there just to fill in the gaps, it makes you wonder if these kinds of games can ever turn a profit, especially when the end product is this jank. And these are commercial goods, make no mistake, any aspirations to being an art piece or social critique notwithstanding, so that also brings to the fore the whole aspect of pricing games, relative value, production and marketing costs, blah blah.

IF you like something different, can appreciate games made on a shoestring budget with arguably bad gameplay and technical deficiencies, but has...heart? Then look no further to the output of this man. The most C-worthy of all the titles listed here. 

[all-about-wannaone]

2000 days with Nu’est!

Yes, I know I might be a little late when it comes to this little celebration that has been filling my Instagram feed and Tumblr tags, but when this post is finally up, it’ll be 11.59pm in Singapore so I suppose I’m still not too late right? :’) Sorry guys, I’ve just been really busy catching up with my rest, especially with the fact that I just went through a pretty big exam period. T.T Nevertheless, I’ve actually known Nu’est since their debut days (or more like the year) and this deserves to be something that I will talk about because of that. :) 

Firstly, I would just like to congratulate Nu’est for their 2000th day anniversary ever since their debut in the first week of March 2012. :) They’ve gone through LOTS; from debuting with Face and breaking records with the most viewed debut music video in Kpop history with 66 million views to continuing their popularity streak with Action and Hello. Unfortunately, the hype soon came to an end and they were soon “shipped” to Japan to continue their activities, gaining immense popularity despite the unfair treatment that they had received. When they came back to Korea, however, the odds were still stacked against them, even if they came back with pretty good songs such as “Good Bye Bye”, “Love Paint” and “Overcome”. In fact, it’s hard to see why everyone was so blind to the amount of talent that Nu’est had. 

Produce 101 was their last chance, and it required them to go back to square one. calling themselves trainees even when they were technically 5-year-old idols. Sure, they received lots of hate for having an “established” fan base and judgement from the trainees themselves. Nevertheless, they overcame the odds, working hard and never giving up through the ups and downs of the arduous process as they met other trainees who shared the same dream, made new memories and start afresh. Not all of them made it into Wanna One, but here they are with Nu’est W, performing for 10,000 fans over 2 days with a full concert venue when they could not even bring 100 fans to their fan meet in the past. Hence, it’s obvious how much they have grown, changed and I am so so proud of them for making it through and succeeding, even when the odds were seemingly stacked against them. 

To Kim Jonghyun (JR), thank you for being such a great leader, both to Nu’est and all the other teams that you led through the course of Produce 101. We were devastated when you did not make it into Wanna One initially, but it was probably a blessing in disguise because where would Nu’est be if not for you? The road has been tough but you made it and that is all that matters. :’) 

To Kang Dongho (Baekho), thank you for being the main vocalist of Nu’est who belted out all those high notes effortlessly, contributing to the colour of the songs that Nu’est produced. :) You too had it hard, with vocal cord nodules and difficulty in adapting to Pick Me’s choreography which was unlike Nu’est’s elegant and smooth dances, but you made it anyway, blowing our minds away with your variety skills (somewhat) and giving it your all anyway (Open Up stage anyone?). You have done well, and we cannot be more proud of you at this point. 

To Kwak Youngmin (Aron), it must have been tough being on your own for 3 months but we would just like to thank you for showing your support to the boys as they went through Produce 101 with their successes and triumphs. Thank you for being the hyung that all of them clearly trust and rely on (especially JR) and for giving all of them hugs, as well as a meal, when they finally came home. :) You have been missed and we are so glad to have you back with your Mak-hyung tendencies. :) I bet most of us cannot wait to see more of that from you in the times to come! 

To Choi Minki (Ren), boy, you were the one who brought all of us (and the boys) the laughs, encouragement and positive energy that they needed to get through all the hardships with your sassiness, extremely hilarious reactions, top notch variety skills and most importantly, your belief. :) Thank you for keeping Minhyun and JR’s nerves together during the very first episode of Produce 101 and for simply being the comic relief that all of us needed during the emotional ride called “Produce 101 Season 2″. 

Lastly, to our Hwang Minhyun, whom everyone will wait for till December 31st 2018, thank you for being such a humble, optimistic and believing being. The road was not easy for you either, even when you started out the strongest in rankings in the beginning of Produce 101. When you made into Wanna One, it was probably the hardest for you, simply because you had to part with the people whom you could definitely call brothers after spending 6 long years with one another. However, we just want to let you know that you need not carry the guilt anymore because all of us are proud of you, even the boys themselves. They do miss you dearly, but they are happy for you. :) You’ve also been a brave being for enduring all the hate, but just remember that we will always be here for you, even when Wanna One days come to an end. Keep slaying with your powerful vocals and just be yourself. :) 

Once again, congratulations for the past 2000 days that you guys have endured and may you continue to walk the flowery road to success! 

[tjd-art]

My Top 10 Albums of 2018

Here are my top albums of 2018! This was a tough year. Here are my honorable mentions: Light Years - Afterlife, mewithoutYou - [Untitled], Like Pacific - In Spite of Me)

10. Basement - Beside Myself (favorite tracks: Slip Away, Nothing Left, Reason for Breathing) A lot of artists in Basement's style have gone a little too bland and spaced out for my taste, but Basement might've even gotten a bit more energized on this one. It's the same grungy sound with some softer cuts thrown in, as it tends to go with every Basement record. While not every song sticks with me on this record, it makes #10 on my list for having some of the most exciting and tuneful rock songs of the year on this record. Slip Away, Nothing Left, and Reason for Breathing are Basement with the energy turned to their maximum, and I'd love to hear more like that from them in the future. A shout-out in particular to Reason for Breathing's 5/4 verses that work incredibly, and Slip Away's monster of a chorus.

9. Gouge Away - Burnt Sugar (faves: Subtle Thrill, Dis s o c i a t i o n, Ghost) The album cover for this has got to be one of my favorites of the year alone, with its wonderfully disturbing center image surrounded by bright pastel. Perhaps it describes the album enough, but I'll also say that the music here really makes you feel the anxiety creeping around the corner that its lyrics seem to get at. More than that, the album really was a breath of fresh air to me, as someone who's always looking for some noisy music, this satisfied that and more by being also incredible songwriting, and trying to do more than just be something to 2-step in the pit to. I also found out for writing this that this record was recorded on analog tape and wow, I think it really benefited from it, adding to that rawness of this record.

8. Jeff Rosenstock - POST- (faves: USA, Let Them Win, Yr Throat) Jeff Rosenstock really makes some of the best pop punk music right now. WORRY (his last record) was a masterpiece I found out about too late to place in my top 10 that year, but it would've placed high to say the least. Now I'm a closely-following fan for what he does next. But it was a surprise to me, and to all I assume when he dropped "POST-" on January 1st, 2018 out of nowhere. I woke up that morning to this news and it really felt like a good sign for the year to come. "USA" is still the best song off of this record to me, and one of the best songs I've heard all year, and it was literally the first song I heard in 2018. (Excluding "Mornin'" I guess?) Anyway, I like what I hear on POST-, it might not quite be WORRY, but it's great.

7. Hot Mulligan - Pilot (faves: Wes Dault Can't Find The Madison Falcon, How Do You Know It's Not Armadillo Shells?, There Was A Semi Fight On I-69) These boys from my home-state came out with a great record. I had never heard of them until I saw them open for Knuckle Puck in Lansing, and when they played "How Do You Know It's Not Armadillo Shells?" I was sold. (Before the record was out, no less, I had to wait to hear the studio version). So I bought the record, and was in no way disappointed. As a fan of your basic by the numbers emo-y pop punk, it didn't take much, but it exceeded my expectations and I loved it. For fans of the style of music, it's one to check out for sure.

6. Real Friends - Composure (faves: Composure, Unconditional Love, Get By) I always felt like Real Friends had a pretty good sound, but the songwriting just wasn't there. They seemed to be trying for a somewhat poppy, catchy sound like a lot of pop punk/emo acts go for, but the phrasing of their lyrics often felt awkward. I've loved them in spite of this, and often found it endearing. But with that said, I still find this album to be an improvement on all fronts. The lyrics flow better, the songs still have a lot of drive and emotion. They're the catchiest they've been, and at times the poppiest. But the songwriting is on point for them. Some could be upset when anything goes a bit poppier, but for me, it helped them, and as a result this album comes together nicely.

5. Daughters - You Won't Get What You Want (faves: Guest House, Long Road No Turns, The Flammable Man) This album is horrifying and disgusting and disturbing and agonizing. Those are all good things in this case. Very good things. For the longest time I've been wishing there was more music as harrowing as the best psychological horror films, music that messes with your head, makes you afraid to sleep. It's harder to do in audio form, maybe that's why there's less of it. Or maybe it's that most people might want music that doesn't induce panic attacks. All of this comes across as masterful to me, the way Daughters have carefully crafted a pathway through what the worst of human feelings feels like, but auditory. Some of the lyrics on here alone create an uncanny sense of uncertainty, cryptic in such a way that it's even more terrifying. I'm not positive what a lot of these tracks are about, but they terrify me all the same. Lyrics like "I've been knocking and knocking... let me in!" and one of my favorites: "Is something burning here or is it me?" Which I take to be purposefully sounding both like a simple question someone might ask if something was toasted too long, is something burning in here, or... is it just me? But also, perhaps morbidly, is something burning here, or is it literally me, burning? It's these kinds of uncertainties that add to all of the anxiety throughout the record. This is without mentioning the haunting dissonance throughout the whole record. It's good.

4. Idles - Joy as an Act of Resistance (faves: I'm Scum, Danny Nedelko, Samaritans) I really feel like I've been missing out on some true, politically charged punk in my life. And the topics covered on this album feel like things that absolutely need to be heard, and topics that aren't covered enough and are incredible to hear in such an energized context. Idles really know how to say what they want to say, and in an often humorous was at that. It's refreshing to hear topics like toxic masculinity, immigration, xenophobia covered, and it's to some truly amazing music at that. And it's more than political, for example with the heartbreaking cut "June." This album took a few listens to hit me as hard as it did, but when it hit it hit hard.

3. The Story So Far - Proper Dose (faves: Proper Dose, Keep This Up, Out of It, If I Fall) The softer tracks don't totally sell me here, perhaps besides Upside Down. But if this entire album were as good as songs like "Keep This Up" this would be even higher. TSSF has always put out what, to my tastes, is some of the catchiest and most energizing pop punk music out there. They have these super exciting vocal melodies, great guitar tone, and occasionally unique time signatures and song structures. Any worries I had for this album went away when I heard all of those things return. There are irresistable and catchy vocal melodies like the chorus of "Proper Dose," just plain sick guitar tones like at the end of "Need to Know," and some of the unconventional time signatures like the 6/4 chorus of "Light Year." With their previous album I began to feel that TSSF wasn't evolving enough in their sound. With this record they finally did that, plus any spots where it sounds basically similar to their old sound, it's usually an improvement. And lyrically is where the album's sold to me even more. It started to get stale to hear nothing but anger and bitterness, and finally hearing some self-reflection and regret for actions is so refreshing for this band. The first 2 tracks on this album are fantastic examples of this, and are probably my 2 most listened-to songs of 2018.

2. The Wonder Years - Sister Cities (faves: It Must Get Lonely, Heaven's Gate, The Ghosts of Right Now, Pyramids of Salt) While, like the last album on this list, the softer cuts don't hit me as hard as some older TWY soft songs, the album as a whole flows well. Where No Closer to Heaven (which I love dearly) in my opinion had a skippable intro and an anticlimactic closer, Sister Cities has such a driving opener and a completely climactic close. I feel TWY has gone further down the reverby guitar laden and atmospheric stuff they started with on NCTH, and expanded on that sound nicely. The Wonder Years is one of my favorite artists of all time, so although it isn't my favorite album of theirs, it still succeeds in doing so much of what they've set out to do currently. Their music is incredibly dynamic, going from delicate softs to roaring louds. Their lyrics, while not as hyper-specific as they used to be, still show so much writing prowess with powerful imagery. The albums seems to want the listener to travel to these different cities with them, and I feel it succeeds, whether you're in Kyoto in the rain, or watching clementines fall into the street in England. I'm happy Sister Cities is a part of my favorite band's discography, and I'm excited to hear more and more from them, as always.

1. Tiny Moving Parts - Swell (faves: Wildfire, Caution, Smooth it Out, Whale Watching, Warm Hand Splash) It was January 2018, the beginning of the year, sitting in my room listening to Swell that I was continuously stopped, my attention grabbed, flabbergasted at how consistently good this album was. TMP was not at the time one of my favorite artists. I liked them enough to pay attention, and the lead single "Caution" was good enough to check the album out, but I never expected this to hit me so hard. I kept thinking that this had to be album of the year, with still 11 full months to go, what could top it? And it turns out nothing did. There's a mood that permeates through this whole album, where even when the lyrics are expressing some deep anxiety or sadness, there's a beauty in life itself. I guess it album cover (that I now hang on my wall) says enough, a hand with some stitches, its pinky chopped off, still giving a cheesy hang-loose sign, to me saying "looks like I've been through a lot huh? Still think life's kinda swell." And I like that. The cover makes me feel nice. The music makes me feel nice. There's a lot here I could see being not for everyone, and it doesn't exactly reinvent the emo wheel, but it's some well crafted tunes in the genre. There's this energy that never quits, there's not a total dud song on the album, and that mood that it reeks of makes it over to me too. I think it's pretty swell.

That's it.

[supergoodnarratives-blog]

Script

MORNING 1 "It doesn't really matter what you do choose because you didn't really get to choose what you get to choose"- anonymous Title card. Overhead shot and slowy zoom into Rachel who is laying on her back in bed. She is visibly stressed out as her eyes are wide open, she ever so slightly twitches, and her breathing is irregular. She is hugging a piece of paper with both of her hands across her chest. We hear auditory flashbacks while this is happening FLASHBACK1 Rachel honey, its okay. If your can't support yourself you can always move back in with me and your father. We'd love to have you around! Its no problem, well its a little ridiculous but you know, I have to offer you. FLASHBACK2 *Knock*Knock*Knock* AY! I know you're in their Rachel! Open up! 3 months late on rent! This is ridiculous, just just just crazy! You used to be my favourite tenant but now look at you! Like god! What the heck man. Ugh, I'll just slide this under the door. FLASHBACK 3 *Beep* Hi, uhm yeah this is Kitty from Fantastic Finacial Services. You are super late on your credit card bill.  It’s pretty ridiculous. Anyways, you better pay up soon.

FLASHBACK4 Hi Rachel, this Tanya. Can you come in tommorow to interview for that spot you applied for? An alarm clock rings and Rachel immediately shuts that thing off and hops out of bed immediately. Cut to the paper that she left behind on her bed now face up. *Eviction notice* Cut to a stack of bills on her counter, a bunch of mail in the garbage, email full of bills. In another room, Rachel grabs a bag of dog food, pours all the content into a dog bowl. Its obvious that shes at the bottom of the bag and not even that much came out. She sighs and almost breaks down. She takes a deep breath. RACHEL KitKat! Come here girl! The most absolutely cutest dog in the whole world runs out to Rachel. Rachel pets her then slowly gives Kitkat a hug and holds on dearly. RACHEL I know things are tough right now but we'll get out of it. I promise KITKAT *RACHEL'S VOICE Oh yeah man, you're totally going to get this job, I mean, who wouldn't want to hire you. I'd hire you in a second! RACHEL Aww thanks KitKat, you always know what to say to make me feel better. Love ya KITKAT *RACHEL'S VOICE I know I know, I'm always here for ya loser. Bork bork RACHEL I'm going to get ready for today, you eat some food KITKAT *RACHEL'S VOICE Aight aight RACHEL After I get this job, I'm going to buy you that super expensive dog food with the boujie dogs on the packaging KITKAT *RACHEL'S VOICE Ahhhhh shit, yeyeyeyeyeye MORNING CHOICE 1 Quick montage of rachel getting ready, toothpaste on brush, shower on, towel grabbed from rack, sleeves pulled,all dressed up. Montage ends and we see her look at herself in a mirror. MONOLOGUE I don't have much choice in what I'm to wear. It’s pretty clear that it’s a formal workplace. But I think I could spice up my outfit with some stylish socks. MORNING CHOICE 1 A SUPER DUPER FUN SOCKS *This choice mostly just to get users aquainted with choices. A tutorial round. Rachel puts on these socks and has a little hop in her step. MORNING CHOICE 1 B PATTERNED SOCKS *This choice mostly just to get users aquainted with choices. A tutorial round. Rachel puts on these socks and checks out her socks and admires them. MORNING CHOICE 1 C PLAIN WHITE SOCKS *This choice mostly just to get users aquainted with choices. A tutorial round. Rachel puts on these socks and fixes her posture, breathes in and walks out all composed like. MORNING 2 Rachel tries to put on her shoes. Her stomach growls. RACHEL Ugh, not now. STOMACH Growls again RACHEL What do you want STOMACH Short growl RACHEL No, we really don't have much okay STOMACH Sad long growl RACHEL Okay time to go work* gets cut off STOMACH LOUD GROWL RACHEL Goddammit okay! Fuck. Rachel heads to the kitchen and opens the cupboard. Inside is revealed to be one granola bar, a rice cake, and a fruit by the foot. MORNING CHOICE 2 A GRANOLA BAR Rachel eats the granola bar. Probably in a silly way. We'll decide when we shoot. MORNING CHOICE 2 B RICE CAKE Rachel eats it MORNING CHOICE 2 C FRUIT-BY-THE-FOOT Rachel eats it MORNING 3 STOMACH Growls* but sounds like a thank you RACHEL Don't mention it. She heads the door and steps out. RACHEL Bye kitkat! KITKAT *RACHEL'S VOICE Get outta here already lol Rachel is now outside and needs to make a choice on how to get to work MONOLOGUE K so I can walk but I might be late. I can bike and get there on time. But what if I cant find somewhere to lock my bike and im late. Oh man. I can bus but I always miss it and that can cause me to be late. Oh man. Choices choices choices. MORNING CHOICE 3 A BUS Rachel waits at bus stop. Bus comes and she gets on. Cut to her getting off. She walks causally into the building. MORNING CHOICE 3 B WALK Rachel walks to the interview. Right before she walks into the building she checks the time. RACHEL Fasionably late, check me out world. WAITING ROOM 1 *Rock your body - saxtribution is playing through a small radio. There will be 2-3 people waiting there in chairs but for the most part the room will be empty and open. The receptionist will be there waiting absentmindly and a strange man with a very strange leg twitch sitting down. Rachel approaches the desk in little panicky hurry RACHEL Hey! I'm here for the 9 am interview PAM (NAME TAG) Yes,Hello, Mr will be right with you. please take a seat over there. Pam elegantly motions towards seating area. Rachel sits alone. The weirdo gets up and sits next to her. WEIRDO Psst WAITING ROOM C1 A TALK TO WEIRDO RACHEL Ugh hi WEIRDO Question RACHEL oh ok WEIRDO What lives when you feed it food but dies when you give it water? WAITING ROOM C1 A A FIRE RACHEL Fire! The answer is Fire! Fuego WEIRDO Oh yeah, that is a very traditional answer. But I also would have accepted: tamogachi RACHEL What how? WEIRDO tamogchi is robot,Cuz water, psssssst RACHEL Hmmmm, very nice WAITING ROOM C1 A B I DON'T KNOW MAN WEIRDO Well basically, the correct answer is fire. But if you want to impress people, say tamogachi RACHEL What how? WEIRDO tamogchi is robot,Cuz water, psssssst RACHEL Hmmmm, very nice WAITING ROOM C1 B IGNORE RACHEL kay, please stop talking to me WEIRDO Ugh fine, I was just trying to help but you know, whatever. INTERVIEW START PAM (NAME TAG) Excuse me miss, he is ready to see you now. Just head over there and take a take a right RACHEL Okay thanks! Wish me luck! She does not wish her luck. Rachel heads into a conference room. There is a table, a man in a suit is sitting there. He has a fancy name tag that says Brad Deebaag that is very visible. BRAD Take a seat miss, Brad looks at his clipboard BRAD Smithe? Rachel got that look on her face, like: is this guy foreal. Rachel sits down INTERVIEW C1 GREET HIM BY FIRST NAME RACHEL Hello, Brad. Nice to meet you. BRAD Actually, if you can refer to me as mr dbag that would be great. INTERVIEW C1 GREET HIM BY LAST NAME RACHEL Hello Mr. Dbag, nice to meet you *burst out laughing* oh my god I am so sorry BRAD Its actually pronounced DeeBog RACHEL Ohhhhh im sorry INTERVIEW QUESTION 1 BRAD Okay, so basically this job is a joke and this interview is just a formality. Honestly were just going to pick some one randomly from the shortlist. So just don't mess up okay, but if you really wow us you're pretty much a shoe-in. That said, this interview will be really short. RACHEL Okay

BRAD THis interview will consist of 3 questions.

RACHEL Oh hey thats pretty easy *gets cut off

BRAD Question 1: what do you care most about. 8.

INTERVIEW QUESTION 1 CHOICEA MY WELL BEING BRAD

Ah thats nice Brad makes a note in clipboard INTERVIEW QUESTION 1 CHOICEB MY DOG KITKAT

BRAD Ah thats nice Brad makes a note in clipbaord INTERVIEW QUESTION 2

BRAD QUestion 2! *Trying to set suspence with his voice* What, lives when you feed it food, but dies when you give it water? INTERVEIW QUESTION 2 CHOICEA FIRE

RACHEL Fire!

BRAD Hmm

Brad makes a note in his clipboard

INTERVEIW QUESTION 3 TAMOGACHI

RACHEL Tamogachi BRAD Hmm very nice Brad makes a note in his clipboard

INTERVIEW QUESTION 3FAKEOUT

BRAD Ok, question number 3 PAM (NAME TAG) Mr. Deebag! We need you for just a moment. It is extremely urgent and important.

BRAD I'm so sorry about this, please, excuse me. 9.

INTERVIEW BRAD LEAVES CHOICE LOOK AT CLIPBOARD Rachel peaks at the clipboard, on it: a beautifully sketched heron with sunglasses drinking a soda.

INTERVIEW BRAD LEAVES CHOICE DO NOT LOOK AT CLIPBOARD Rachel sits there and hums a catchy song. This scene goes on for an uncomfortable amount of time.

INTERVIEW QUESTION 3 REGARDLESS OF OPTION PICKED Brad speaks as he's about to sit down

BRAD Ok, question 3 for real this time He glances at his clipboard, and looks up

RACHEL Yes?

BRAD Did you by chance take a look at this clipboard while I was out of the room?

RACHEL No, I did not.

BRAD Are you sure?

RACHEL Yes.

BRAD Hmmm

Brad does the Larry David staredown to Rachel

BRAD hm, Ok

RACHEL Sigh of relief

BRAD Anyways, back to question 3. If you can be any animal, and I mean any animal. What animal would you be?

ANIMAL CHOICE 1 AND ENDING: HERON

RACHEL I would be

Dramatic suspense and pause, zoom in on faces, etc. 10.

RACHEL A heron

BRAD You looked at my board didn't you! This is ridiculous! Everytime! I can't trust a snoop, a nosy nelly, a peter peaks a lot. Get up on outta here!

RACHEL Aw shit

ENDING CLIP: 3 months later. Rachel homeless.

ANIMAL CHOICE 2 AND ENDING: OWL

RACHEL I would be Dramatic suspense and pause, zoom in on faces, etc.

RACHEL An owl

BRAD Ah nice, well you're hired!

RACHEL Ayyyy niceeeeeee

BRAD Yeeee boiiii

RACHEL UH hu, uh huh uhuh uhuh *emporors new groove BRAD Yeyeyeyeyey They celebrate for a while and its cuts to ending Ending CLIP: 3 months later. Rachel is still celebrating albeit exhuastedly. Coworkers keep asking tasks of her ad she passes out on her keyboard.

ANIMAL CHOICE 3 AND ENDING: NARWAHL

RACHEL I would be Dramatic suspense and pause, zoom in on faces, etc.

RACHEL A narwhal

BRAD Interesting. Well, you're hired. 11.

RACHEL Niceeee

Ending clip: 3 months later. Rachel has been promoted to CEO. Pam enters room and tells her so and so wants to form a stragegic alliance. Rachel answers: niceeee. Brad comes in and calls rachel boss and said the shareprice is up 10%. Rachel answers niceeeee. The waiting room wierdo thanks rachel for the job and says she is going to win a big award. Rachel answers niceeeee. End