#but it's still such a fucking struggle my friends aaaaaa

[famewolf]

honestly, I think I'm going to wait awhile longer to finish bg3. been working on allowing myself time and space to let my whims flow where they may, and I recognized I was getting stressed for not having finished it in a 'timely manner'

me shaking myself: it's a fucking game!! play it as much or as little as you want!!!

[astropookie]

I’m feeling like a fcking egoist so I’ll roast myself

I’m the best at it😄🥰

aspects of my birth chart I blame -don’t do that-

Picture from Pinterest

TW: it could turn deep

*basically aspects in my birth chart

Moon square Venus

I’m fucking rude. I always seem like Idgf. When I liked someone, unless I want them to know, in the past, they have told me that they haven’t had a clue I like them. It’s like I have a mask but really on the inside I’m sensitive and I’m scared of being hurt and not having the reaction I expect. Attachment issues. That’s the thing. I HAVE SUFFERED A LOT in past relationships, any type. Why? I’ve been too attached to the point I begged the other to stay or if don’t I…had a incomprensible fear OR I’ve been too cold and lost what could’ve been friends bc of my anxiety of being hurt/rejected/judge, etc. I HAVE SUCH A HUGE PROBLEM that’s not being able to show myself at the fullest or to struggle to be myself and i’ll adapt to what others would like. SCARED OF BEING JUDGE. I feel that I’m a burden, being me. Showing my real intentions and emotions to the ones I love the most. To be the cause of their problems. That’s my phobia -jk-.

Ascendant conjunction Neptune

As much as it costs me to mention it. Yes, neptune causes addiction or SPECIFICALLY and ORIGINALLY a necessity to escape, to avoid what’s in front of your eyes. The effect neptune gives is insane, the sensitivity someone with neptune energy is on another level. A level that make you wish to disappear or to go to another dimension. The need can’t be put in words. But oh darling, as much as you wish, you scream, you can’t go bc you’re sensitive and that makes you an emphatic. you feel what others feel: you can’t decide. How others would feel? So you hide it. You’re good at it or that’s what you think. “It’s for your own good and for the others, it’s the best”, that’s what you’d said.

Sun square Chiron

A truck hits you every time. Or -a example that’s more family friendly- when you start doing bars, at first you get blisters and it burns but you have to do the work anyways bc you’re not gonna wait an eternity so the blister can heal -another’s gonna appear in the process-: you kept going and finally your skin becomes indifferent to the rub between your hand and the bar. in other words, sun square chiron have passed and pass lessons that are really deep, specifically in the past by being invalidated for being them. They can feel insufficient and that you don’t have the right to be, to show your passions and expressive side (being creative and unique). They repressed you, they thought they had the right and you believed them. Honey, you become stronger each time. Your inner strength is incredible. Accepting yourself, being recognized by you is what matters and what’s going to make you reach your potential.

Lilith square Mars

AAAAAAAA THIS ASPECT. why do I have to have such a AAAAAA aspect? I HATE IT FUCK. You know how many times I’ve changed hobbies? How many times I’ve left a competition bc I was afraid of not winning? What if my full potential wasn’t what I expected? What if I wasn’t the best? If it was the case I preferred to leave, to die -how dramatic- instead of knowing I had competition and that I wasn’t the only one there that wanted to give her best. I changed hobbies every time bc I got bored: in reality I was afraid and stressed bc things didn’t go the way I wanted, I didn’t full my expectations and I was afraid of not doing it if I really tried. At the first try I expected to it to came out like I was an expert. I have to make a mistake, what I was most afraid of, to learn about it, to understand that I’m human. I HATE IT. That’s why I’m feeling like shit. The other day I exploded without of nowhere and a friend that I love obviously got offended and I tried to covered it by telling it was a joke -she still told me she didn’t like it- but then I apologized and cleared everything. Now, add those previous 3 aspects: I feel like fucking shit. -there are other things-.

incredibly, first time I don’t use emojis

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[helpful-hardware]

it won't give up, it wants me dead (goddamn this noise inside my head)

He can feel it pulsing inside of him. A searing pain that has toppled him to the ground, rendering him perfectly helpless to move. It churns in his back, a sensation like a second heartbeat. You could compare it to a parasite, if only it weren't baked into his very DNA from the moment of his creation. --- Shadow has a nightmare about the recent incident with Black Doom and the Time Eater. Thankfully Omega is here.

AAAAAA I'M BACK TO WRITING!!!! and guess who knows about sonadow generations? god the wings are so fucking sick but also the idea of shad facing his past after he thought he moved on is 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

omega would honestly not be bad at comforting him through shit, its different than how rouge would handle it, but yeah i love giving the hedgie and his robo friend attention and sadness... read on ao3 or below the fold!

He can feel it pulsing inside of him. A searing pain that has toppled him to the ground, rendering him perfectly helpless to move. It churns in his back, a sensation like a second heartbeat. You could compare it to a parasite, if only it weren't baked into his very DNA from the moment of his creation.

Then all of a sudden, it pokes through. He screams in pain as a dark fleshy mass spikes out of his skin. He can feel the blood dripping down from the wound, he can feel the flesh morphing into shape as if it's part of himself but it's not him, it's not him, IT'S NOT-

But it is, isn't it? The black appendage morphs into grand, horrific wings, a sign that he is part of something greater, something that silently beckons for control, for him to embrace his true self. Between gasps of agony, he desperately pleads for the experience to stop, for him to be left alone. He says he can't take any more... but this is his destiny.

The true flesh spreads through his back and onto his limbs, two-tone fur discarded for a deep crimson that would make all enemies tremble. He recoils back, as if that will stop us from reclaiming his body to be part of a greater mind. It reaches the extremities, causing protective wear and rings to spring off. His power meets our own as we transform his hands into mighty claws, and make way for the rest of his body and mind. He begs in another pathetic display, but it is far too late. We reach his brain, his mind merging with ours.

WE ARE ONE.

Shadow wakes with a shriek, his heart pulsing hard inside his body (just one, right? There is only one pulse, right? Right?). Wasting little time he darts out of bed, though he momentarily gets caught on the sheets that try to join him. He shakes them off as he stumbles out, panting as he hurriedly makes his way into the bathroom and slams the door behind himself.

He checks his reflection in the mirror. A panicked hedgehog with raised quills stares right back through. For a split second he sees a flash of those hideous wings, the mental image enough to make him want to gag. Shadow's bare hand rests on the mirror and he stares, trying to focus on every detail. He turns slightly to the side, examining his back, and almost mistakes the contour of one of his back quills for an exit wound. Nothing was really there. He looks back at his own bloodshot eyes.

...What the fuck was wrong with him?

Shadow fails to keep eye contact with himself, letting his head fall onto the sink counter as sobs rattle his whole body. He hasn't cried like this in nearly a year, but the tears flow as fast as they did on that day that scarred him for life, and the days following where he struggled to reckon with it. The fact that his past, the nature of his creation still held such a vice-like grip on him though... it made him feel worse. This should have been settled long ago, and he thought he had! He thought he finally-

[SHADOW. WHAT IS YOUR STATUS?]

The sound of that monotone voice makes him jump, even though he knows where it comes from. The hedgehog slowly stands and turns to get the door, but not before catching another glimpse of the absolutely pathetic look he had on his face. He doesn't bother to wipe away the tears, it's not likely they would stop soon anyway. The door opens and the imposing frame of E-123 Omega stands before him, somehow fitting into the hallway.

[REPEAT: WHAT IS YOUR--]

"I'M A FUCKING MESS IS WHAT I AM!!" Shadow retorts, not even trying to keep composure or an even temper as he shivers uncontrollably. The robot doesn't respond immediately, all the while his teammate remains in an obviously distressed state. After a few moments, Omega points towards the couch in the living room.

[SIT DOWN.]

Shadow hesitates for a second, but decides to follow the robot's order. He slowly saunters over to the couch and lets himself fall backward onto its cushions. His crying does not cease yet, though. He grabs a pillow to his side and tightly embraces it, letting the fabric absorb his tears and partially muffle his loud whines. How stupid is it that he lets that shake him up, lets HIM have control over his mind yet again? After everything? These thoughts only make his misery last longer.

Exactly how long until his sobs turn to whimpers though, he doesn't know. Even as that dies down, he's too lost in his spiraling to pay attention to the passing of time. At some point, his attention is grabbed by a Clunk! nearby. When Shadow peeks his head out of the pillow, he sees a small glass of water sitting on the table in front of him. Omega silently stands to the left, as if he were beckoning the hedgehog to drink. Shadow lets the pillow rest on his lap and does just that, while the badnik sits down next to him.

He downs about half of the glass before returning it to the coffee table. The two sit in relative silence for a while. Eventually, the hedgehog breaks it. "Where's Rouge?"

[SHE IS ON AN UNDERCOVER MISSION. REMEMBER?]

Right. She had said that it would be an overnight infiltration. Oh, how desperately Shadow wished she were here. The bat still keeps up the whole "I don't care for anyone unless they can get me what I want" shtick for the most part, but on those nights where the hedgehog's trauma was too much to bear, she would be there in a heartbeat to give reassuring hugs and whisper that everything would be okay. Rouge was a bit like him in that regard. What fucking luck that tonight had to be the night that he starts struggling again.

Shadow sighs. "I'm sorry for disturbing y--"

[I AM A ROBOT. THERE IS NO SLEEP THAT I CAN BE DISTURBED FROM. YOU KNOW THIS.]

The hedgehog feels himself wrapping his arms around the pillow again, his claws nearly puncturing the fabric.

[ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH INFORMING ME OF THE REASON FOR YOUR DISTRESS?]

He feels a bit hesitant to, all things considered. Again, Rouge is typically the one he's preferred for talking about emotional shit like this. Being organic tends to mean you understand the complexities of those issues more. That's not to say Omega doesn't, though. He's had his fair share of witnessing mental breakdowns, and helping the hedgehog come down from such. But, care from him just feels... different. Different in a way Shadow can't put to words, but knows enough about to feel a slight tinge averse to. However, he doesn't outright dislike Omega's way of comfort, and in situations like this... he may as well take it.

"Have you... heard about what happened on Sonic's birthday?" He cringes a bit at what he thinks is awkward phrasing. But he doesn't know how else to talk about what terrified him, nor does he know if he's just overthinking things. Curse his Gaia-damned brain...

[I HAVE BEEN INFORMED ON THE ESSENTIAL DETAILS.] Omega either doesn't pick up on it, or doesn't care. Shadow continues on the only way he can think of right now.

"Well, while Sonic was getting the Chaos Emeralds..." He stops momentarily, his shudders fill the silence until he slowly forces his next words out. "...The Time Eater brought back Black Doom."

"H-He... He used his powers to try to transform my body. I did stop him! But..." Shadow trails off again, finding it too difficult to recount the details of his encounter without raw emotions taking over. Thankfully, the robot beside him seems to have pieced things together. [CONCLUSION: YOU HAD A NIGHTMARE RELATED TO THOSE EVENTS, CORRECT?]

Shadow nods, and lets his gaze lay low afterward. "I thought I was done with this shit. I thought...!" His thoughts are interrupted by a sob escaping his body. He doesn't say much more for a while, focusing his efforts on trying to hold back the rest of his sorrow.

[NIGHTMARES ARE NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL. THIS IS NOT A SETBACK OR FAILING ON YOUR PART. YOU ALSO DID NOT ASK FOR THE TIME EATER TO EXPLOIT YOUR PAST.] Omega turns his head toward Shadow while resting one of his metallic hands next to him. [THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.]

"It feels like it is!" The hedgehog stands with that last word, his frustration obvious as he starts pacing around the room. "After everything I've done to move on, to finally feel in control of myself for once in my fucking life, I somehow just.. let this happen!"

[YOU DID NOT "LET THIS HAPPEN",] Omega states as he rises from the couch as well. [YOU FOUGHT BACK AGAINST SOMEONE WHO HAD THE POWER TO CONTROL YOU.]

"AND I'M TIRED!!! I'm tired of not being able to live without something like this happening to me! HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH ALREADY!?!?"

[ENOUGH.]

Omega screeches in a harsher, louder tone that succeeds in grinding Shadow's train of thought to a halt. It also however, makes the hedgehog instinctively bring his limbs a bit closer to his body, while also making his ears droop. A fear response.

The robot took pride in being intimidating, but the only individuals he didn't want to scare were his own teammates (barring some humorous exceptions). Now was not the time for antics, though. Now was the time to be there for a traumatized hedgehog, who had now let himself slump against a nearby wall, hugging his legs close to his chest as he faintly whimpered. Omega walked as slowly and carefully as he could towards Shadow, before sitting a little less than a meter to his right. A few seconds of uninterrupted soft whines from the hedgehog pass before the badnik finds the words to speak.

[THIS WORLD SHOULD NOT HAVE CONSISTENTLY MISTREATED YOU AS MUCH AS IT HAS.] Shadow peeks his head out of himself to find Omega meeting his stare. [YOU, SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG, SHOULD NOT HAVE SUFFERED AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE.]

There were days long ago where the hedgehog felt the opposite more often than not. Though that's not as common as it used to be, there are still moments where he spirals into those self-destructive thoughts. But before that could happen again, Shadow feels the sensation of cold metal on his shoulder. [BUT YOU ARE INCREDIBLY STRONG. NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO OVERCOME IT. THIS WILL BE NO EXCEPTION.]

A choked cry and sniffle come out after a second. "...I don't feel strong at all right now," The hedgehog says in a shaky voice, with pitch high and wavering contrasting with his usual demeanor. Omega is quick to respond. [BEING ABLE TO CONFIDE IN SOMEONE REGARDING YOUR HARDSHIPS IS A SIGN OF GREAT STRENGTH. NOT EVERY SENTIENT BEING CAN DO THAT.]

For whatever reason, that gets the waterworks going again, and Shadow's body ends up tipping over to lean on the robot's surprisingly not-cold chassis. Omega is startled by this action, but manages to maneuver his arm out of the way in time without scratching the hedgehog. After a few seconds of pained sobs from a hedgehog who never felt like he could move on, the badnik wrapped his grip back around Shadow's left side, embracing him as he weeps. [THIS WILL PASS. YOU WILL OVERCOME. YOU WILL BE OKAY.]

The feelings do largely pass over some time, and Shadow's jitters dissipate with his cries.

"I'm so sorry-"

[THERE IS NOTHING YOU HAVE DONE THAT YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR.] The hedgehog tries to think of something else to say, but just can't think of anything. So instead, he lets himself exist next to Omega, while noting that even though his sobs have stopped, the robot has not released him from his grip. Not that Shadow would want to complain about that though. After some moments filled only with soft humming coming from Omega's body and air breezing against the building, the badnik talks once more.

[DO NOT FEEL REMORSEFUL FOR HAVING ME ASSIST YOU. YOU AND ROUGE ARE THE ONLY TWO INDIVIDUALS I "CARE" ABOUT, AND MY SECONDARY OBJECTIVE WILL ALWAYS BE MAKING SURE YOU ARE FUNCTIONING TO THE BEST OF YOUR CAPABILITY. PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, AND OTHERWISE.]

"I... Thank you."

[IT IS NO PROBLEM. I AM PLEASED THAT MY STATEMENTS HAVE BEEN REASSURING FOR YOU.]

Shadow wipes some last bits of moisture from his face as a soft smile takes hold. "Y-yeah. They have been."

[ADDING TO THAT: IN THE EVENT THAT BLACK DOOM IS STILL ALIVE, I WILL JOIN YOU IN GOUGING HIS EYES OUT, AND THEN SOME.] That last phrase was punctuated by Omega raising his right arm, which morphed into a machine gun. The sight of it makes the hedgehog's grin grow. "Pfft.. put that away before you make more holes in the walls!" He can't help the laughter that comes out as the badnik dutifully changes his arm back. Shadow stands up as his giggles subside.

[QUERY: HAS YOUR STATUS IMPROVED?]

"I... think so?" The hedgehog sighs as he adjusts his quills. "I just hope I can have more moments like that instead of..." Shadow trails off, not knowing words to describe his pain, but knowing Omega knows what he means.

[YOU WILL.] The robot states after he too stands. [YOUR AVERAGE MOOD HAS BEEN ON AN UPWARD TREND. I SEE NO REASON WHY THAT WOULD CHANGE.]

The hedgehog desperately hopes that is true. If he had to live through another traumatic reminder of his past, if he lost someone else close to him, if he lost Omega or Sonic... He wouldn't know how to cope. Fuck, he just made himself worry about that. Omega's already done so much just now HE CAN'T JUST--

...

Deep breaths, Shadow. Deep breaths.

After a few of those, he poses a question before he could convince himself not to. "Omega? Do you... mind if I sleep in here tonight?"

[WHY WOULD I?]

"I don't know, I just..." His next words come out quiet. "I can't be alone right now. I can't."

A tense silence.

...

[...YOU CAN REST ON THE COUCH. I WILL CHARGE NEARBY IN CASE ANYTHING WERE TO HAPPEN.]

Shadow lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in. "Thank you so much.."

While Omega locates a space to hook himself up to the wall, the hedgehog grabs a blanket draped over the back of a nearby seat and tries to make himself as comfortable as possible lying down on the couch. The cushions aren't as preferable to him as his own mattress, but he can make do. It helps that all of his moping had left him entirely exhausted. And yes, he still feels a bit bad about that. It feels like it's taking all that remains of Shadow's energy to not spiral again, to not beat himself up for events that he already knew weren't his fault, to not chastise himself... for still being scared sometimes. Despite being the "Ultimate Lifeform".

Shit... that title, too. Yet another reminder of his past... and how much he's changed. He still remembers how he shut himself down soon after he woke from stasis, so as to not get hurt again. He remembers the sheer vitriol for everyone that was coursing through his veins, and how getting "too close" to other people made his resolve crumble. In hindsight though, it was for the best that that happened. If Shadow had to keep burying his pain all alone, it would inevitably blow up into something... distressing. He remembers how that almost happened, however. How his friends kept him from teetering over the edge in many different meanings of that phrase. He owes a lot to Sonic, to Rouge, to Omega...

...to Maria.

Seeing her again as time warped and threatened to break at the seams... he was surprised to find he wasn't as distraught by the experience as he thought he would be. Signs of him healing, he supposes. Omega was right after all.

[SHADOW.] The robot interjects with perfect timing, prompting Shadow to look out from his blanket and thoughts. [YOU ARE NOT ALONE.]

The hedgehog returns that with a smile. Yeah. He'll heal. He'll be okay.

Those self-reassurances are all that remain in his mind as he drifts off into a blessedly disturbance-free sleep.

[worldwright]

Good evening ! I'm super early today, i just, really don't feel that well

like, i had a nice day, don't get me wrong, i watched with my partner our favorite youtuber and it was really nice

but fuck, like, im trying to get more at peace with my birthday since it's a really tough day for me for things i don't want to talk about on tumblr where everyone can see it

so, like, i just wanted to get downtown and have a fun time with my roommates and my partner, and so i asked if they preferred if we go for or after lunch (because of money)

and then, one of my roommates said "im not going out on the 31rd, ive got bet-[she interrupted herself] things to do, like to be ready for my classes."

like, i know, i fucking know that she didn't mean to hurt me, she just doesn't have any tact, but she knows about how hard my birthday is for me, she was the only one i went out with last year and we found out that some friends were also downtown so we went to see them

like, im almost crying bc of her. like, girl, we talked about you needing more tact, i can't be mad -i don't have the energy for- but it still hurt as fuck

have a wonderful morning my friend ! im gonna find some tooth-rotting fluff because fuck

ohhhh that's so rough :(((((((

if you want, we can call on that day? maybe watch movies or just chat

i feel like. very manic today. not that that's a bad thing particularly, i am getting things done, but my attention span is like a month-old puppy lmfao

new malevolent episode is coming out on tuesday!!!! it's called "the fire" apparently and i am struggling not to be concerned

projects i might get something done on today include: setting up better lighting for the entryway, my halloween costume, re-organizing my cabinets, 3d modeling an electric kettle dial i had an idea for, planning a multi-tier garden pot for next spring,,,,,,, aaaaaa theres so much lmao

feels nice to actually Want to do them tho

hope you find a good fic to go to sleep to, friend <3

[itchyeye]

aaaaaa yes all good thoughts! see a lot of my thoughts re: the stranger had more to do with how it seemed too material and reliant on physical stuff. the spiral had a literal endless maze, but also had people's lives falling to delusion. the web had literal spiders, but also had the concept of control and all that. so even if you aren't scared of the more obvious manifestations, you still have the chance to be disturbed by the more abstract ideas.

but the stranger (as delightful as its monsters are, i love nikola and breekon and hope etc etc, they just don't feel as clever) relies so heavily on the idea that the listener MUST be scared of dolls or taxidermy or automatons, meanwhile i love all those things! and ive had plenty of nightmares involving the uncanny valley or identity, and concepts like the mandela catalogue scare the shit out of me. but tma never seemed to get to the core of why that stuff is freaky, just "hey wouldn't be fucked up if this happened?"

and like you said, they didn't seem to put much care into why a person would worship the stranger, which is strange (ha) to me because the options feel so obvious? i've met plenty of people who are so concerned with maintaining appearances (not in the Flesh way, in the social way) that they construct false identities and roles to play for themselves, and that seems fitting. idk! something !!

and they could've played with what identity Means more - in a story where so many characters are struggling with the line between humans and monsters, it would've been interesting to have manifestations of the stranger where you're left wondering if the spooky entity is actually a person or not (whether that be through not trusting the statement giver to be a reliable narrator, or through the question of What Is A Person? itself)

idk im sort of rambling jfc i didnt mean for this ask to be so long sorry but yes woo there r my thoughts i do not have many tma friends so i am deprived of enrichment

but tma never seemed to get to the core of why that stuff is freaky, just "hey wouldn't be fucked up if this happened?"

YES!! i think a great example of how this falls flat is the desolation, actually! because all of the follower's of the people's church of the divine host are made of wax

they are no longer human, their physical being is made of boiling, moldable wax

that seems like it should be a stranger thing, right? they're literally wax works, the unknowing took place in a waxwork museum and the dancers were all waxworks

but the difference is exactly what you've just said. the desolation's followers actually aren't scary because they're made of wax. them being made of wax is so far down the list of why they're scary i literally forget that it's true most of the time. whereas:

the waxworks at the museum are just scary... because they're waxworks. weird ones tho.

(as delightful as its monsters are, i love nikola and breekon and hope etc etc, they just don't feel as clever)

this is really really it!! the stranger's monsters just don't feel as clever

i really like your idea about someone worshiping the stranger because they're so image obsessed!! i would love to hear more about that. i think that would make a very interesting acolyte.

also i was thinking about this last night and i think part of what makes the stranger feel so vast (ha) and disorganized is that fear of the unknown is a fundamental building block of every single one of the fears

the whole point of all the entities is that they take things that are pretty innocuous (wasp nests, ant infestations, garden spiders, tall buildings, stairwells, hallways, security cameras) and turn them into something vile

the characteristic of "the unkown" or "the unfamiliar" is impossible to localize under one entity

also, understandably it took a while to establish all the mechanics of like what a ritual is, how it can be stopped, why people would want it to happen, etc

but it took the gang two full seasons and several major character deaths to stop the unknowing, while the black sun was solved off screen between episodes

and like yes of course like gertrude would be better at finding and stopping rituals because she has 50 years of experience! and yes it gets easier to find and stop rituals as you keep going. but the balance of the story pacing just feels weird, y'know?

this isn't the only time that i feel like tma does a massive amount of build up for a whole lot of nothing but it's up there

[meteormoss]

AAAAAA i think i'm going insane about tcpootw... idk how i haven't found it earlier but i've reread it a few times since yesterday and it still hits. the slice of life vibes are thru the roof and i have never loved reading something that feels so mundane in my life more. it feels like freshly washed laundry in the way that i can really visualize and imagine your writing. the way cleo seems like she's moved on and she's healing with her new friends in her new city contrasted with bdubs still living in the home he remembers he always wanted to leave and the way they were horrible for each other but etho brings them back together for a single week but it's not like anything changes and i'm dying to just hear any thoughts about bdubs after. does he ever find it in him to work through his problems? does he ever talk (or not talk) with joel about it on the porch? or is he forcing himself to deal with it completely alone? is this man actually just going to ignore everything and just miss etho in silence and not talk with cleo and keep walking those trails and trees like they used to and driving an hour to get groceries on a tuesday and not taking care of himself until he breaks just like those bracelets on his wrist?

(also i love a good backstory, if you wanna share how they broke up, if it was fast, if it was expected, if it fell apart like they knew it wasn't going to last, i would appreciate hearing it :D)

AWWWWWWE, Thank you so much!! This fic means so much to me, genuinely. I started writing this as a way to deal with the emotions and struggles I face in my small town. I had the ending nailed down before anything, and it is so important to this story. Before I answer any of your questions, before you keep reading, I want you to sit back and imagine if this story ended with Bdubs opening up to Joel and them being besties, or if it ended with Cleo staying with no preperation to leave, or if Bdubs went back with her. It doesn't make sense, does it? It was just a week, not much changes in a week.

"Does he ever find it in him to work through the problems?" I don't actually have a future planned for them, but I see two possibilities laid out before me. The first being at Joel's hands, he takes the liberties to talk his issues out at Bdubs, to tell him every word Etho complained to him over and over while drunk one night. Bdubs is smaller in muscle and height, he can't body Joel out of his house and he's forced to sit there and listen to so many of his fuck ups spilled out to his face, no hesitation, and he sits and dwells on it. He's forced to reckon with it. He decides to get out. He won't work the same stupid little job and spend all his money on weed. (He doesn't know the cost of living in a city). He grabs a train ticket to the first city close enough to afford with what's in his wallet for the next day after he makes the decision, and he goes, and he learns, and he betters. But I don't really see that happening. This story is cynical, it's sad, it's bitter. I think, I think he doesn't. I think he falls further into substance abuse by the years, he stays broke, he keeps struggling, he doesn't own up to anything, and he doesn't grow. But the rest of his life, it is up to you. He can do what you want him to do.

"does he ever talk (or not talk) with joel about it on the porch?" I think after that night both of them adamantly close themselves off from the other. All their discussions are purely things like splitting the garbage, or getting Joel to fix his car cheap when he's struggling for cash. I think a year or so down the line Joel finds a different town with a little mechanics shop that's willing to hire him, and he finds another little house to rent, and he lives his life away from the pain. He was settled with Etho, but he's restless without him. So no, I don't think they talk. I think there are very few times they end up on the porch together, and if they do, one finishes what they were doing quick.

"or is he forcing himself to deal with it completely alone?" He's not forcing himself to because it's not as conscious as that. He's dealing with it alone and he's burning the bridges, but he's not burning the bridges so that he can deal with it alone, he's burning the bridges because he isn't dealing with it. His hurt is hurting everyone near him and none of them care enough to deal with it. If he's going to be hostile or interfere or toxic or anything he's just going to get dropped. It's not an excuse for his behavior even if it's the reason, unconsciously.

"is this man actually just going to ignore everything and just miss etho in silence and not talk with cleo and keep walking those trails and trees like they used to and driving an hour to get groceries on a tuesday and not taking care of himself until he breaks just like those bracelets on his wrist?" I feel like at this point I've answered most of this. I just want to talk about the bracelets. So I really like your take on what the bracelets represent here. I left them open to your (the readers) interpretation on purpose. So keep letting them mean what they mean to you. I just want to discuss what they mean to you. The bracelets are intended to be those string friendship bracelets. Etho, Cleo, and Bdubs each got two, they were in the other persons assigned colors when they were made. Cleo's are long gone, she cut them off. Etho when he died still had the remains of Bdubs' in his winter jackets pocket cuz he never got around to throwing it out but he lost Cleo's when it broke roughly around a year after she moved. To me they represent holding on to something you dont have anymore. Bdubs still has his because he isn't the slightest bit moved on. Cleo cut hers off when she made plans to move because she was fully ditching them at that point. Etho's respectively represent giving up on ever getting Cleo back in his life, and not wanting Bdubs back but seeing him over and over and not quite moving on because of it.

"also i love a good backstory, if you wanna share how they broke up, if it was fast, if it was expected, if it fell apart like they knew it wasn't going to last, i would appreciate hearing it" The actual breakup was long and drawn out, a screaming match between Cleo and Bdubs as Etho sat and watched, adding his two cents against both of them every so often, until he stood up, knocking into the table and knocking his chair over and yelled that he was done, that he was leaving them both. He pulled blankets out of the closet and claimed the spare room while muttering. Cleo and Bdubs sat there staring at the hall for quite some time before Cleo turned to him and said she was done too. She pulled more blankets out of the hall closet and shoved them into Bdubs' chest, telling him he messed up the most and to go sleep on the couch, that he knows the state of her back. And he did. It was cold. But the breakup had been building since a month into the relationship. Cleo was fiercely independent, she didn't want them invading her space and her time, she'd spend it with them when she wanted to at the end of the day. Bdubs was far too dependent, showing up at their respective jobs with shitty food and staying too long and clinging to their sides, and complaining and worrying about what they were doing when they shooed him away, and at home all he did was talk to himself, talk over the other two. Cleo learned to talk over him. Etho learned to be even quieter. He developed three personalities. One was for cleo, where he left her alone until she sought him out and where he talked "honestly" when prompted, but only when prompted, where he knew her schedule but only showed up when she needed rides due to sudden weather change. One for bdubs where he was quiet, where he arranged his schedule to accommodate his "random" appearances, where he made him think he knew enough to never feel obligated to ask questions about him but to participate just enough for Bdubs to think it was a two sided conversation. And one for when all three of them were in the same area together. One where he was quiet, he was small, nothing about him existed until the other two stopped arguing and competeing for space. Which never happened but he said he'd take what was left over if it did. There was so much conflict its a miracle they lasted as long as they did (of course they did, Etho's parents were drunks, Bdubs' always fight, Cleo's stopped talking to her when she became to feminine, and expressed interest in being a girl, none of them knew what healthy was, they just knew theyd made some sort of commitment and they used to have fun, so they stuck around) but inevitably they all gave up.

[intrepidradish]

Media: Disco Elysium

Year/my age: 2022-23/32-33

Another long one!

What drew me to the media:

My husband, again, had been trying to get me to play this game for three years, but I'm not a gamer. Games make me stressed out and I'm bad at them. (He tried to get me into Hades, and I entered the first battled screen, and moaned "I have to fight things in this"? ... I did. :C Do not like.) Generally games give me panic attacks, and then when I'm bad at them, I get really sad about it. DE is nice because you don't fight anything. It goes as slow as you want, and even in hot moments there isn't a timer. Thank you DE.

What also drew me to the media was a dildo enthusiast Thongria on instagram loved the game, which as a follower, blew me away. Like hello?? What? How bizarre right?

At some point in the spring of last year a lot of DE fanart started appearing on tumblr too. Ustalabo appeared with her comic, which is incredible. I gave up. I was spending all day oscillating between watching my newborns nap and feeding them, which was in two hour cycles into the night. I was tired. I was really bored. I was really stationary (mostly on the couch) and I was really lonely. (I don't have family where I live, I had no job, and I was new to the state)

So I decided to play a game.

What made me a fan:

How could I not become a fan after the game? It's a really incredible story and its delivery is phenomenal. But ultimately, I think I became a fan because of Harry, the amnesiac cop you possess. On my first playthrough, I was very timid and horrified by the character. I ended up a moralist because of my unwillingness to say anything accusatory or polarizing (hahahahaha! so true to life!). I only drank and did drugs when Kim wasn't around, because his observational judgement made me uncomfortable about my addiction (AAAAAA). I tried to please him too but ultimately failed because of how I organized my skills (I did an empathy run but badly, so badly). It was also deeply cathartic for me as a child of an addict, who struggled throughout my childhood with the question of 'why can't you prioritize loving me over your addiction' and as I am not yet an addict, the game gives you an opportunity to live inside a deeply troubled man and maybe...maybe help him? You aren't entirely sure what the future holds for him.

At the end of the game, I was positive he was still going to detonate. I didn't like Kim/Harry, the default pairing, because I thought that Harry still had so much work to do! One week of forgetting your life doesn't fix you! Having a friend to rely on doesn't either! And Kim has his own host of issues that the game only touches lightly. So many post-game questions!

I've come around on Kim/Harry because I've thought about it a lot. I think in the face of addiction and pain, having a friend really does matter (having the right friend too). Dealing with isolation is a big theme of life (not just DE). No one is perfect either. All relationships are a bit codependent when you are in a depression cycle. That doesn't mean they are bad/good/ideal/not ideal/something to work around/something that shouldn't happen, just tread lightly right?

But also the world of Elysium is fucking incredible. It's enormous. It's got everything you want in a new environment. It's depths are unfathomable. It gives you a framework to both interact with canon, deeply, but also inject some of your own bullshit headcanons like they are the only real opinion to have. Haha it's great. The amount of material behind single sentences in the game, throw-away lines, are enough to fill an world-specific encyclopedia (and there is the skill Encyclopedia too to make it oh so much WORSE).

Have I written fanfiction for it? Why or why not?

FUCK YEAH. I'm sort of taping off now a year later. I wrote so much fucking stuff last year. It really saved my life. I was finishing up some other fanfics too but I wrote about 250K words which is wild.

My most popular story is definitely my longest. Schlep is my masterpiece at the moment. I wanted to explore Kim and Harry's relationship while recognizing they aren't necessarily perfect for each other, but that's okay. Surprisingly, even with all the kink and the unhappy themes, it was smash hit. I really enjoy reading it. That was my second fanfic for the fandom.

Final Flight was first. It has some problems for me, but I think the concept is really fun. The romantic notes were wrong though in retrospect. I was being timid. What is surprising about this fandom too is being timid doesn't win you points being a little unhinged does. Nice. 100%

I wrote a smattering of other shorter stories. Jean/Harry, Jean/Harry/Kim, Harry/Dora, Kim/Harry. I wrote a lesbian story for Dora/Klaasje, which apparently inspired a really good writer to write more lesbians! Thank you!

I think in this period my fav is Cold Front which I wrote while worried that my grandfather was going to commit suicide (he's 96, and my thoughts on it are complicated). I don't often write bittersweet fics, but I think this one hit the notes I wanted.

I also really like The Tide at my Door, which is the Dora/Harry. No one wants to read their train wreck, but I wrote some truly beautiful passages in that one that shock me to this day. Like, hello:

"In the far end of this, whatever time is, whatever this is, you’re going to break each other, but you, a woman, will be the weed in the cracks and he, the man, will be the backed-up gutter. You cannot stop this. This is what happens in gendered society, and even if the sky falls on Revachol, it will take harsher earthquakes to shake that truth."

I started and finished a failed case fic for Jean/Harry's church raid, which I'm only posting now. And I picked up a secret santa that amazingly requested a Western AU. This was in the fall of last year, and both are about 50K words. Insane. Just insane.

Another smash hit, which surprises me, is my Halloween crack fic, Kim's Disco Inferno. I wanted to introduce Kim to the skills, and I wanted it to be a horror theme so its a blend of Silent Hill, Dante's Inferno, and more. It received some amazing fucking fanart from Shower, which got 4K likes on twitter (*giant eyeball emoji*)

It remains a tremendous pleasure interacting with the fandom through fanfiction. Everyone has been very very kind and supportive.

Opinion on the fandom:

I love this fandom! It's basically made of transmen, nonbinary folks, and beautiful lesbians, which is exactly the space I want to be in. It's also made of people interested in discussing leftist politics, the gross (sensual) side of sexuality, and the effects of poverty, addiction, trauma, and disability on people. Sign me up!

I've made some lovely friends who I talk to daily around the world.

Right now the fandom is embroiled in discourse about a lawsuit at Za/um the company that released the game and will eventually, possibly release a second game. It's a very hot topic and people are very impassioned about the issue. We, the fans as outsiders, don't really know much of what is happening outside of press releases and its quite difficult to get a bead on what's going on. People are still hot blooded to point fingers and shout as always.

I'm pretty on the fence about it. My husband bought the game on sale for $10 3 years ago. I haven't dropped a cent on it since and won't until they release (if they do) a second game. Even then I probably wouldn't pay full price because I'm a cheapskate (I'm poor). I also write fanworks for free about it, so I'm very glad the original game exists but that's sort of where my interactions end. It has brought a lot of joy to my life.

I popped into the official discord to say I'm excited about the collage maker for storytelling reasons, and got called a bootlicker (which is hilarious to me since DE made me recognize I like degradation and I'm well known for writing kink porn around boot worship. Peeps gotta come up with a better accusation against my proclivities, sorry bb). That's my contribution to the discourse.

However! I will say of all the fandom discourses I've witnessed, this one is the most justified. Some shit has gone down! It's very poltical. There is money laundering involved! Share holders! The original writers are cast out! Did they get paid? Were they forced out? A guy kicked this whole thing off from a mental institution.

Things I can say for certain is, I don't like that guy, but I don't feel like I have a strong enough understanding of IP law, Estonian millionaires and criminals, or the office politics at Za/um to really know what to make of it. People are definitely throwing themselves on the train tracks about this shit though. I hope everyone gets some time outside touching grass, because it is just a game. A game we love, but ultimately, not super important.

Would I read it again?

Oh yeah. I have such a backlog of stories I need to read from DE.

[carito-dorito]

TAB2 spoilers because I finished the second season in a day and I lost control of my life

this post has tons of tiger and bunny 2 spoilers but holy shit i need to talk about this and I wanna scream so you're warned

Nathan has one of the best nonbinary and black rep in an anime (specially as the whole show it's a mockery of superhero films and we know the antisjwdudebros hate that because it's "f0rCEd rEprEsenTation!!!1!" and (from what I've heard in the dub Nathan uses she/they pronouns) so SHE NEEDS SOMEONE WHO CAN LOVE THEM BC OF WHO THEY ARE AAAAA

I'm so bitter at the writers tho, they def need to make Keith+Nathan a thing or im gonna riot

Making Agnes gain weight was such a nice touch, even tho she got teased twice about her weight in the first episode she still FUCKING RULES and people still respect and treat her like a human being. fr i stfg i haven't seen nice fat rep in anime in YEARS

ryan and karina are the ultimate himbo+bimbo duo change my mind

i wish i liked ryan more, he's kind of fun but eh he's my least favorite character tbh

thomas is autistic, he openly stims and has comfort/safe foods meanwhile subaru is an adhdr, the ultimate adhd+autism duo!

tomboy paolin!!

tomboy+girly girlfriends trope is so good aaaAAAA

Kaede is adorable AAaAAaaa tho I wanna see more of her friend bc she struggled so much (i didnt get what was her ability tho, skin expansion? she is still no matter what one of my adopted children

WEEB MADS MIKKELSEN WEEB MADS MIKKELSEN WEEB MADS MIKKELSEN (i got his name confused sorry-)

mugan and fugan, my beloveds

for some reason i think these two listen to mitski

even tho we didn't get any lunatic scenes you feel so goddamn tense when you see yuri/lunatic be the new director

Ivan still visiting his friend and keeping in touch with him (also his name origin story, OW)

btw him and agnes are my fav and i have to say they are smexy and only i ship them bc THEY'RE HOT (literally too lol)

AT THIS POINT I WAS SOBBING WHY WHY WHY

PaoLin and Lara holding hands at the last episode: lET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GOOOOOOO

THE TINY CAT NOTE OMFG I GIGGLED SO HARD AAAAAA OTP

unpopular opinion but antonio needed and still needs more screentime

also the drug thing has tons of good plot potential, i wonder if kotetsu would be forced to take it as he is losing his powers and barnaby is not going to be there all the time

Mattia is a fucking sweetheart but why does he look like the redhead guy from SquidGame .-.

[dodo-begone]

Since you liked the last part here's another and to pardon my French shit is about to hit the fan.

Philza could hardly wait to tell his older sons, he was a bit disappointed in Tommy for hiding your hybrid nature from him he had so much lost time to make up for all this time he could have been teaching you how to make a proper nest, how to fly once your wings were big enough or how to communicate with chirps and peeps, he calmed himself he knew now and once they arrived Wilbur and Technoblade would know as well. Just the thought of the little fledgling clothed in his flocks,colors joyfully chirping at him,wings no longer hidden was just making his chat go wild (fledgling, baby bird, protect, bring them here, why do we have to wait get baby bird now) while he did agree with chats caws they needed to get everything set up adopting them into the family would be a breeze all of his sons adored his fledgling, Tommy obviously as he was glued to your side whenever he could, Wilbur did as well spending hours in the library hidden away with his fledgling in a dusty corner, Techno as always showed his affection in spars and gifts of war even his sons chat loved them to the point where they were reluctant to spar. No there would be no resistance to you joining his flock from anyone (not even you). He was interupted when his elder sons entered time to share the good news.

Techno wouldn't admit it but he was nervous when he and Wilbur were called to their fathers chambers, was he right and you were sick with some incurable illness like the one that took their mother not long after Theseus came into the world. He didn't know if he would remain sain if that were the case driven mad by either his own or chats grief. The news that you were soon to be officially adopted into their family filled him with glee (new sibling,big bro techno arc E, E, cuddles for the cuddle god) oh he had to go to his workshop after he wouldn't allow another to forge your crown, he already had a design in mind along with half a dozen other gold based gifts in mind. But then his father grew silent here it comes he thought the fact that you were ill or had a debilitating sickness, when his fathers smile grew as static filled his ears as the fact you were a hybrid was shared with them, no, not just the fact that you were a hybrid, you were a winged hybrid like his father. A pained hiss escaped his lips(little bird, E, poggers, Icarus, Icarus, little birdie, build a nest for little bird, Gold armor) chat screaming in joy at the knowledge of your heritage. At least now he could gift you armor, though he didn't even know of he would be able to let you out of sight if you wore gold armor( not that he would without the armor either).

Wilbur was so exstatic at the news that you were joining the family he could already picture your future room covered in their families crest and colours, oh you would need your clothes embroidered with the royal crest, he would finally be able to call you his sibling out loud and that made the piglin part of his brain rumble in possessive delight. He may have not had the more outward hybrid traits that his twin had but he still had the love of gold and possessiveness over those he saw as his family and now you officially were going to be apart of it. Its only when his father told them about your winged hybrid nature that he snapped out of his daydream, this day kept getting better and better he would have wing slits added to your clothes alongside the family crest, ahhhh just the thought of all the feathery hugs he's would get in the near future from his new little sibling ( never letting go no matter how much you struggled) in their jubilation they never noticed the gold haired eavesdroper.

Tommy ran to your room as fast as possible only stopping in his room to gather the necessary supplies, you needed to leave now or you would never be able to run if you were officially a member of the Royal family you would never have the chance to escape their talons, their suffocating "love" no matter how far you ran. Waking you he watched as your face paled as he told you about what he heard, handing you a set of commoners clothes (coat big enough to hide your wings under) to change into he relayed his plan as he rubbed dye into your hair, run for the border to the nation of L'manberg it was the closest nation without an extradition treaty with the empire and it had a good enough army that they could go toe to toe with the empire as it currently was. He would burn anything of yours that you couldn't take so Technos hunting hounds would have no scent to follow and he would cover for you as long as he could giving you the precious time you needed to run after all a single minute could be the difference between the borders being open or closed. He shut out the selfish part of him that whispered that you should stay after all aren't you family to him, doesn't he want you to never need to feel hunger again, to have the unconditional love of a family, as he handed you all the money you would need to set up a new life. He watched as you slowly glided down to the forested floor below your guest room and as you vanished into the woods heading straight for the border between the empire and L'manberg, he prayed to any god that would listen that you would escape from this twisted family love they all had for you he forced himself to look away from the window as his gaze fell on the wardrobe he set about his part of the plan burning everything with your scent in the fireplace.

The next day was an ordinary one for the Royal family as far as anyone could tell but for its members it was easy to see that the elder three were excited about something, when you didn't arrive at the breakfast table with the youngest Prince the concerned emperor asked his youngest as to where you were only for the Prince to reply that you had thrown yourself into your studies so hard that you were exhausted and as such he told you to sleep in and recuperate. When you didn't show at lunch the emperor decided against his youngests protests went to his soon to be child's chambers. A few minutes later the whole castle heard the heartbroken wails of the emperor, his oldest two children ran to their fathers aid while the youngest just walked, the oldest and middle prince's just took in the scene that brought the emperor to his knees a room devoid of any sign you had ever been there, no clothes, no toys or nicknacks, the bed didn't even have any sheets the room was truly void of any sign you ever existed just the bitter scent of smoke filled the air and ashes spilled from the fireplace. Helping their father to his feet they ran alongside him to send out the order to lock down the borders, to find their missing family member. The youngest again just watched and hoped he had bought you enough time, he had the order to lock down the borders had come just hours after you had crossed into L'manberg mourning the fact you would never see your dear friend again.However chat wasn't wrong to call you Icarus after all you had flow to close to their sun, you would fall and drown in their love they would ensure it. Good luck out running the rising tide Icarus.

Ender-anon

Tada hope you like it Dodo, how long do you think you can out run the sea?

Ender- i'll say this once and i'll say this a million fucking times: i LOVE EVERYTHING YOU FUCKING MAKE BEACUE ALSKFDJLSADF AAAAAA I JUST LOVE MAN I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!

I can't think of anything to add to this that wouldn't ruin it!

[meeowerzz]

beloved Egg

Okay so had this idea that Ranboo should be a main character. But hes got a super dumb power (superhero au) i was thinking like eyes glow in the dark and hes got like powers that make him grow in size and stuff. but hes like super incompetent. And he knows this so thats why he become a vigilante. And thats not the only reason

Tommy is his human roommate. Just a civilian who is super brash and who is pretty much Ranboos only friend. And Ranboo has had a few close calls with Tommy and feels a brotherly protection instinct over the guy. So thats also why he become a vigilante.

Ranboo is caught after two weeks of sneaking out. Tommy decides that Ranboo and him should be superheros together. And Tommy pretty much forces Ranboo to make him the side kick.

Tommy;s support animals, Henry the greyhound also tags along.

POV switch lol

Tubbo is a master mind villain. Millions of people are under his control. And he is the one behind all the scenes. And also he is a student who struggles with english and writing.

Tubbo has a stupid ability that makes it so he cant touch anyone without severely poisoning them. He is always wearing full body suits. His skin is deadly. He can also touch things like knifes, or swords and make them poisonous. But really its the most annoying power. He kills things accidentally. And it sucks. (or hes a healer and so thats why hes at the top of the food chain)

But he still is the most feared villain in all the try state area.

Tubbo meets Ranboo and Tommy accidentally. Probably becaus tommy was bleeding out and this weird ass teenager just appeared in his office, teleportation?? and begged for tubbo to save him.

So he does and now tubbo has these two absolutely annoying children (hes also a child) living in his underground bunker. and to make it worst theyre being hunted by one of those stupid heros.

crack, its on crack. minor character main character ranboo my beloved

HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK AAAAAA

IM EATING THIS HOLY SHIT I LOVE NOM NOM NOM

[darlington-v]

lyrics here u go :)

here's the song lol

OK FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO MORE ASKS!!

HOLY SHIT NIXX?

ok first, the song fucks???

but also the connections u've drawn between c!ranboo and c!dream also fuck yoooo!!!

i really really like "the darkness is honest, are you to yourself?"

LIKE. IM KIND OF OBSESSED??? one of ranboo's main themes is denial. he lies to himself for comfort, and dream to him is the darkness. without his memories, he thinks dream is evil and abhorrent and could never side with him. but we know that's not entirely true at least, and i definitely dont think it is lmfao.

it's really tasty because you could totally see dream posing the question to ranboo BUT WHAT'S COOL

IS THAT YOU COULD DEFINITELY SEE THE INVERSE.

i feel like it's really likely that dream struggles with self-hatred. like, regardless if he purposefully put himself in prison, or he got there as a result from self-hatred and pushing himself further into a villain role, i think he still hates himself bc everyone hates him.

so i definitely think ranboo with his memories could totally pose the same question as a sort of jabbing plea, because it's likely dream is in a place of despair while ranboo thinks he shouldn't be. because he knows dream means well.

IDK BANGER LINE MAN.

i also really like um the line of "it was only in my shadow that i'd finally found a friend" as well for similar purposes

i think it can work for both POVs! like... hhh idk i like them both finding each other in either like weird states of despair or like... the implications of finding friends in some form of darkness is really nice for them i think idk its cool.

AND I REALLY LIKE "i sleep like the dead, nonetheless i am lucid / if dreams have meaning, i guess i should tune in"

BECAUSE LIKE. DAMN. BANGER. FOR RANBOO LIKE HOOOOLY FUCK. idk i just. mmmmm. i cannot really quite articulate it but its just... idk i really like ranboo not being scared and him instead being more based in rationality than his like insecurities and fears and cowardice as he currently is.

it's why im so vastly interested in himself with his full memories, because... i would argue that he's probably not as scared or insecure because he's got more like. awareness and certainty.

ANYWAYS

YEAH. ALL OF THIS IS SO GOOD DUDE. I FUCKING LVOE THIS THANK U FOR SHARING NIXX AAAAAA.

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[saltysmoothie]

taps my lil hands on the table... I would like to request 31 and 17 for Serendipity. 'n 16 and 39 for Veron!! :D

aaaaaa ty for the ask!! ; w ;

Serendipity

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

Oh for sure. Serendipity definitely gets embarrassed all the time, especially over really trivial stuff. She tends to second guess herself and her abilities about a lot of the things she does, though as time goes by she gets a little more confident and manages to push aside those worries bit by bit! The fact that she’s met people like Ayana who are more confident than her but also get her boundaries when it comes to that kinda struggle and manage to care about her all in one go just really helps with that kinda personal growth, it just means the world to her. (She does get HELLA flustered around Ayana though sometimes because good god, smart and pretty girls that are just fucking fantastic to be around make her FEEL things she doesn’t wanna say out loud or she’ll get even more embarrassed)

31. Who are they the most glad to have met?

Honestly, she owes a lot to her Helper Pyrine(helpers are like, magical girl mascots that are also millennia old spirits, Pyrine is a rat helper) and her best friend Ayana, as mentioned Ayana is someone she can share a lot with because they both have the job of fighting and purifying demons, and being able to share stuff with someone who’s aware of your secret identity relating to what comes with that job is relieving. Most of that can also be said about Pyrine, Pyrine knows more about her powers and typical patterns of someone with these powers than Ayana does, so she tries to support her in any way possible if Dippy has anything going on related to being Good Karma. Those two just really help her with Good Karma and demon related struggles.

Veron

16. What makes their stomach turn?

Loud noises. Stuff like thunder especially, but also stuff like clanging or rooms where people are constantly talking and causing a fuss are places they do not wanna be in, the thought of just being in a crowded place most of the time, unless they’re with people they know and care about, just upsets them. They also are very adverse to the idea of using their Captain’s name and talking about their home life most of the time. That’s solely reserved for the people they 100% trust, if they ask.

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

Oh REALLY easy. Surprisingly so actually, their trust is usually easily earned because they are actually terrible at reading people beyond surface level stuff. As shallow as that sounds, in all fairness they do like to approach people if they look at least 75% presentable, since they were a kid they were very talkative and went up to people all the time asking questions and bombarding them with interesting facts. They also aren’t that great when it comes to personal stuff and anything that has to do with empathy, but they still try anyways. Their Captain throughout a majority of their teens and early adulthood has had to teach them a lot when it comes to fronts related to this if it becomes more of a flaw in themselves. But in other words, they do try to be approachable and attempt to establish common grounds with most people they are around for a decent amount of time, they don’t really like the air when things are kinda awkward.

[princesskokichi]

HAPPY NON-BINARY DAY MIYA!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! YOUR VALID!! AHAHAHAAHAH 🥺🥺🥺💕 - Kiibo SIMp 😭💖

aaaaaa !!! thank you so so so much !!! i love you just as much and thank you for being such a sweetheart !!! 

~ storytime with miya ~

[ warning : personal story, mentions of ab*se, h*r*ssment, family issues ]

i struggled a lot while trying to figure out who i am. while most kids my age were starting to get partners and going on dates, and i didn’t want to ever. i thought that having a partner meant that i had to be someone’s girlfriend - i had to have sex with someone. i didn’t want either. i didn’t want to be called “ girlfriend “ and i didn’t want to have sex. i was constantly told that my lack of clinging to my gender or sexuality was because of the abuse and trauma i endured during my childhood. that’s what people labeled me as. a scarred girl with too much trauma.

i simply didn’t care about anything that most people cared about, because it had no meaning to me. i would do things that would be considered lewd or nasty to other people, like sitting with my legs spread out while wearing a dress or not caring if i wore a bra or if my shirt was showing too much cleavage. i didn’t care. i still don’t care, really, but i’ve learned what’s considered to be socially acceptable, but sometimes i still get pissed off because my brother can go without a shirt around home and i can’t not wear pants even though my underwear covers everything. 

my body is just a human body, i don’t really think of any part of me being “ sexual “ or “ nonsexual. “ it wasn’t made for sex, it was made to help me continue living every day. 

while a lot of people who experience childhood trauma similar to what i went through go on to be hypersexual or extremely uncomfortable about sexual situations, i didn’t. i felt,, empty when talking about things such as sexuality or gender. i experienced having crushes, and i know i’m romantically attracted to all genders but. i’ve never experienced actual “ lust “ or wanting to be sexual with anyone. sometimes i thought i did, but every time i thought about it deeper, it turned out that i was just missing being intimate with someone. sex has no meaning to me other than being intimate with the other partner and having children. in the future, i think the only reason i would engage in sex is for children only. it holds no meaning to me, although i like to joke about it. i like to say i would fuck aizawa sensei senseless, but in real life i wouldn’t.

every time i would get into a situation that looked like it was heading that way, i would clam up. i wouldn’t get fearful or nervous, i just felt out of place. i felt like i didn’t want to be there, that eating pizza and watching netflix was better that what i was doing at that moment. so any time i would have a partner, i would turn them down if things got too heated. i lost a lot of good people that way. likewise, i myself wouldn’t realize i was being lewd with them. i would take off my shirt while chilling with them because i thought it was hot. it wasn’t me going to initiate sex, i was just trying to get comfortable. but i never learned how to convey that to anyone. even still, i don’t think i could if someone asked me to explain my lack of sexual interest.

i didn’t see my body as something sexual, and i would forget that other’s did. my body was just,, my body. that was it.

i felt odd about not caring about sexuality or gender. i wore what i want, and i didn’t care what anyone called me. but for some reason, i had a problem with my deadname. i hated it. i still hate it. so it never made sense to me that i would care about such an arbitrary thing when things that have other people so caught up and that everyone around me seemed to care about. i loved who i loved, and i dressed how i wanted. to be honest, i still wonder what prompted me to be so different from other normal trauma victims, but i doubt i’ll ever know the answer to that. life is fickle like that.

but because i never felt any ties to my personal gender, i felt,, out of the loop on some things. i liked wearing dresses but i didn’t feel like a girl. i wore make up but didn’t feel feminine. my body grew as i got older and i grew into this mature female form, but i never felt like a / girl /.

likewise, i never felt like a boy. i liked to rough-house and fight around with the boys but never felt like i was one. i liked to cut my hair short and dress like a guy but i never felt like i was one. for the longest time i thought i was experiencing dysphoria about my body, so i believed i was trans for a little while. i thought it was weird that i was trans but still liked to dress and act like a girl at some points. i didn’t know what was going on.

however, i still didn’t care about what pronouns people used for me, although i found that most trans are adamant for their pronouns because it’s the only thing that links them to their gender other than their name. i didn’t care what people called me. i was the mom-friend in my irl friend group, but the big-brother to my online group chat. even though my name - miya - is feminine in connotation, i never felt / female / but never felt / male / either. 

i knew that nonbinary existed, but i think i was in denial. i think it was some internalized cissexism ( i think that’s the word. please correct me if i’m wrong ) because it didn’t make sense to me that that could be a thing when it seemed like everyone else was so hooked on gender and sexuality. i began to believe that being ace and nonbinary was taboo of sorts. i thought that i was built wrong. that everyone had sexual attraction, and everyone felt connected to a gender. i was so wrong back then. 

a little while after i realized i wasn’t trans, i got a bit of hate for slandering the name of transpeople. a few people online were calling me fake and invalid, that i wsa / wrong / and they basically voiced every fear that i had held in for so long. i was lost after that. i didn’t know who i was, or where i was going. i was young and dumb, even though it was only a little while ago. 

it was a slow process coming to acknowledge that i was nonbinary, more specifically, that i was completely ambiguous. there’s a difference in nonbinary - which is not conforming to either gender - and ambiguous - which is having no gender at all. ambiguous is a subset of the umbrella term nonbinary. at first i changed my pronouns on twitter from she/her to she/they, and much later i added she/they/he to that list. but i opted to never specify my gender. it was easier that way. no one seemed to really care that i had no gender, they just wanted to know what to refer to me as.

later on down the line, i used the word nonbinary for the first time. and it felt,, refreshing. i think that i was finally coming to realize who i was. i used the term nonbinary to describe me for a long time, thinking that that word fit me. and it does - it’s my umbrella term. but my specific gender is amibiguous, a word i just started using very recently. 

and having recognized my gender has been a load off of my shoulders. i get to be who i am. if people think i’m female, good for them. if they think i’m male, yay. if they think i’m trans, or anything in any other spectrum, i’m happy for them. i don’t mind what anyone calls me. my gender is perceived differently by everyone. and i like that a lot for some reason, although i know many people probably would not like it. it suits me. i’m happy.

my body is still very feminine, but it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. if i could, i would definitely try to lose weight and potentially go through breast reduction surgery, but i’m not too bent up about it if i never get to do that. my body doesn’t equal my gender. how i present - which is typically masculine, but sometimes i wear feminine clothes - isn’t my gender. my gender,, well, to be frank, i don’t have one. i’m me. i’m nonbinary. i’m,, ambiguous. i leave it up to the other people around me and their imaginations. i spend my days trying to make myself happy with what i wear and what i look like, not conforming to society’s rules of gender.

it took a long time, and frankly sometimes i still have a problem with self doubt and internalized problems. one day i hope to get over that. but i know inside my heart who i am. i’m just a human. i’m a person who’s trying to live my life the best way i can. whether my views were formed because of my trauma or whatever, i don’t really care. i’m happy with who i am. i have friends who call me “ sis “ and “ bro “ in the same sentence. i’ve got a friend who calls me their momma, and a friend who refers to me as their big brother. and i like it like that. i realize it’s not for everyone, but i’m happy with it. 

to those who need their gender to feel complete, i commemorate you. you are wonderful, valid individuals who will make it where you want to be in the world. to those who feel similar to me and feel disconnected with gender and / or sexuality as a whole, i’m telling you that you are not alone. you’re not built wrong, and you are not made this way because of trauma. you deserve to be happy with who you are as a person in your own way. just because some people need their gender, doesn’t mean you do. you don’t need to put any labels on yourself. you can just simply exist, because you’ve lived this long so you must be doing a pretty good job at it. 

[analyzingadventure]

Oh boy have I not watched Psi for a long time, oh man have I missed out on Some Stuff (I’ve only heard the names of like three Digimon mentioned but oh man did those names alone come with Some Package)

Let’s watch episodes 25-31 then and catch up!

So just to recap, last time Agumon evolved to Mugendramon, fucked some shit up because Taichi totally 100% legit died, temporary evolved to WarGreymon I think (I can’t remember man lmao) and beat the shit outta DoneDevimon

25! Dive to the Next Ocean!

Uhhh who the fuck yeeted ElDoradimon into the sky

This is so bad

They should die so hard

OHHH CLOUD CONTINENT IS IN THE SKYYY YESSS I LOVE THAT

Have I mentioned how much I love seeing the kids interact with their non-partner Digimon (and vice versa)? Because I do, I love this a lot (even if it ain’t much)

Ohhh Mugendramon was so sexy... I wanna rewatch episode 24 but I really need to catch up on this first

ElDoradimon’s gonna die from that fall, right? His joints are gonna get pulverized

Zurumon! :D I love these lemon jelly goops

HIKARI!!!!!! Baby!!

I wish Taichi and co would be like, trying to even think about how they’re gonna survive the fall- like I know Leomon saved them but they couldn’t like plan to just Get Saved, IDK it’s kinda off-putting how they’re so calm

Leomon to the rescue tho! Finally!

Patamon is so chumby, v good

Holy shit Leomon punches HARD, a single punch just straightened out ElDoradimon in one go, holy fuck

Finally they’re worried about dying from the fall

What happened to the Agu and Gabu being too exhausted to fight (I’m sorry this is just a massive pet peeve for me, ‘esp cause there’s like no reprecussions for the Digimon for pushing themselves here)

(Like it’d be one thing if they managed to evolve out of desperation but this ended up being like bad for them and force them to take longer rests later or IDK kill them, but when you’re just like “I’m too tired to fight- oh wait my friend is slightly in more danger now than before, I guess I can fight again”)

(This is an issue with most MotW shows and even some shounen series (I’m looking at you Bleach) so it’s not unique to Psi, p sure Adventure had this issue to some degree too, but still man, it’s a massive pet peeve and bothers me so much)

26! Break through the sea monster barricade!

God I love that the Cloud Continent is actually in the sky

Quality content (slightly cursed maybe)

Seadramon! Honestly I really love Seadramon?? Like it’s such a simple, minimalistic design but... IDK man I love Seadramon, it’s such a cool Digimon

OH SHIT IT EVOLVED! :O

I’m sorry I am just so not interested in the real world crisis (in the show), it’s... I’m sorry it’s so Mundane and I’m here for the Fantastical

WARUSEADRAMON! THE SLIGHTLY MORE GOTH SEADRAMON!! YEAAHHHHH

God I wish Psi just had perma-evolution, so many of my issues would be solved with perma-evolution

Aweeee yeah, MegaSeadramon’s here too, now we got both of them, yeeeeee

I love how Hikari is just quietly judging the other kids

Y’all okay with talking about Taichi being in a different world right in front of Hikari? I mean She Knows Things and they all just got taken to back to that world but still like, should you try to be more inconspicuous maybe

Oh my god how many times have they used that clip of Falcomon throwing bombs in this episode- four? That’s a lot yo

Taichi’s gonna get vored again, press F for him

The water is so deep how is Zudomon standing- oh I need to stop asking these things

HIKARIIIIII SHE’S HEEEREEE YEEEEEE

27! To the New Continent!

"Hikari, who called you?” “I don’t know :)” Honey that is so ominous I love you

AGUMON COMFORTING HIKARI AAAAAA I LOVE THAAAT

YESSSSS I LOVE THIS

This image has heavy Digimon Kaiser energy in it

I love how Psi!Jyou is like a try-hard in trying to help (while OG!Jyou was always struggling with figuring out what the right thing to do was etc)

Is... is the enemy a Tortamon? Oh yeah it’s Tortamons

OH WOW THERE’S A LOT OF THEM

OH SHIT IT’S AN GROUNDDRAMON! OH GOD THIS IS GRUESOME

Ikkakumon’s gonna get vored, F

You know I never thought Grounddramon would be so chomby based on the Bandai art but I guess Groundramon’s a real chomper

“Everyone, give Angewomon your power!”

GIGA DESTROYER AAAAAAAAAA

OH IT’S THE BASTARD!! DARK KNIGHTMON!!! THE SEXY BASTARD!! The one I’ve heard an interesting theory about... But I ain’t saying anything fornow

PATAMON EVOLVES??? (On command which is kinda bs)

ANGEMOOOOOON YEAAAAAHHHHHH

NEW ENDING TOO, YAY

Ohhh this ending has such nice, soft but jolly energy c: Also yay Tailmon

28! The Children’s Fight for Survival!

BTW Patamon with angel wings was a lowkey hilarious visual, 10/10 would laugh again

Still don’t like how we just got Angemon on demand like that

Oh yeah, out-of-context I heard a theory that DarkKnightmon is Tailmon and hearing Dark Knightmon’s voice, yeah I can see that (not to mention their facination with Hikari)

Oh man those are some Big Wings

Whu happen, did the kids get yeeted back to the Human World?? Oh no they’re still here

I bet Angemon’s dead again lmao

LMFAO JYOU FINALLY GETS TO CATCH A BREAK--

NANIMON NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oh Patamon’s okay- REALLY TIRED (thank you Psi) but okay

I NEVER DISLIKED NANIMON UNTIL THIS VERY MOMENT

I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE

PLEASE GO AT LEAST 500 METERS FURTHER AWAY FROM JYOU, PLEASE

Hikari being worried for MetalGreymon ;__;

Aweee yeah HIkari’s special Evolution Powers are still here! GET ‘IM WARGREYMON!!

Whoop Hikari got spirited away, F (she’ll be fine, SkullKnightmon ain’t gonna do shit to her, I’m sure)

Hikari volunteered to go... ;_;

29! Escape the Burning Jungle!

THERE’S MORE OF THEM

I mean at least they’re all just chillin’ and enjoying the bath instead of just staring at Jyou. I’ll considder that an improvement

YEAHHHH MEGADRAMONS!!

Ooooo a single lil Lopmon, I wonder if this will be an important character later

I like Woodmon, Woodmon are cool and chill

YEAH, DEFEND THE SMALL AND INNOCENT!

WOODMON NOOOOOOO ;A;

NOOOOOO A BUDMON DIED!!! NOT THE BABIES!!!

What do you mean MetalGreymon hurt when the tiny Allomon bit him ON HIS METAL ARM

I- I need to stay quiet or else I’m gonna end up with too many questions. I mean I already have too many but the less I question it the better

Woodmon, Budmon, I love your energy, please aim for Tankdramon’s eye, you could blind that fucker with ease

PARROTMON?!

30! WARGREYMON AAAAAAA

Man I have been quiet through this entire episode so far lmao

ANYWAY CROSSMON! HELL YEAH have we seen Crossmon animated before?

GIGA DESTROYER AAAAAAAAAAA anyways I think this is the first tme we’re seeing Crossmon animated (unless my memory is garbage, which it might just be)

Aaaand Taichi is dead

OH, HIS CREST IS THERE

WHAT’S THIS

WHAT’S THIS

Agumon....... I love you..........

Man this animator is making Crossmon look vaguely too humanoid for my taste.... And MetalGreymon’s super fucking jacked yo

NEW SONG YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

OH THAT’S SOME SEXY SEXY ANIMATION

OH WARGREYMON’S HUUUGE BRO

HOLY FUCK GAIA FORCE ANNIHILATED ALL OF THEM (but didn’t cause any environmental damage? Handy!)

Lopmon’s totally like Cherubimon or something, right? Reborn Cherubimon, right?

31. MILLENNIUMON

HERE IT IS, THE HEAVY PACKAGE I MENTIONED, THE EPISODE TITLE THAT MADE PEOPLE LOSE THEIR MINDS WHEN IT GOT ANNOUNCED

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING PSIIIII where the fuck are you going yoooooo

God WarGreymon’s so fucking big holy shit

OH YEAH LOPMON’S TOTALLY LIKE CHERUBIMON OR SOMETHING (I mean it’s not a plottwist by anymeans lmao)

LMAO Skull Knightmon looked away when Hikari noticed them looking at her lmao tsundere ass fucker

Wait the temple was also on Cloud Continent??? Like that whole area was still a part of Cloud Continent?????????? The geography of this world confuses me yo

BAKEMON!!! THERE’S BAKEMON!!! I LOVE BAKEMON SO MUCH!!! GIMME THE GHOSTIES!!!

NOOO MILLE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BAKEMON BABIES!! FUCK YOU LEAVE MY GHOST BUDDIES ALONE

YESSSS CHERUBIMON

OH IT WAS MILLE WHO STARTED THIS ENTIRE FUCKING MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE, HUH

WAIT FUCK MILLE IS BEHIND THE ENTIRE BS IN PSI

...AGUMON CAN EVOLVE TO MUGENDRAMON, WHO IS LIKE, KEY COMPONENT #1 TO MILLE

OH GOD WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

AGUMON EVOLVING TO MUGENDRAMON WASN’T JUST A CUTE REFERENCE TO THE DARK MASTERS, IS THERE GONNA BE THING WHERE AGUMON IS USED TO RECREATE MILLENIUMON??? (And they have to get Agumon Out Of There like they had to extract Tailmon (and Meicoomon until they gave up) out of Ordinemon in tri.???)

ANGEWOMON!!! THERE SHE IS!!

PSI SAYS OFANIMON RIGHTS

Oooo we’re on Eternal/Mugen Continent... Oooo :oc

I like how Sora is the Dedicated Character who will be there when we get like Backstory lmao

METALFANTOMON?! :O YEEAAAHHHH (Ngl when I saw the pink scythe for a moment I was hoping for Jokermon.......)

Oh wow that’s a lot of MetalFantomons

Man Kabuterimon sure is flying quietly (I mean adding the flying sound effect probbaly wouldn’t add much here but... It’s so quiet)

OH SHIT WE’RE GOING TO ULTIMATE ALREADY

I am gonna say, because Psi is constantly moving, like there’s constantly an oncoming threat and the characters never get to take a fucking break (that’s longer than 5 minutes), it just... Because there’s no contrast between danger and peace, it makes the non-stop danger feel far less dangerous imo

DOGGO DIGIMON!!

KOMONDOMON!!

OH SKULL KNIGHTMON HAS MILLE

OH FUCK DUDE

There is one more episode out but sadly I can’t watch it yet because region lock. I do know there’s an interesting, familiar face in there tho and I’m excited for that!

I... I... I can’t believe he actually said that...

“They’re cool pants!” KOUSHIROU LMAO

Anyways, episode preview!

Aaaand nothing of value was seen there. I mean I do know what Patamon probably evolves into because I do follow the Digimon Twitter so like, I saw the relevant art they shared but ye

Anyways  a lot of these episodes were dull as usual, I didn’t feel like I missed out on much tbh aside from the sexy animation and the lore

This really drives it home to me how not having a villian of somekind just constantly present and active really makes a story so much more flat for me... Like I ain’t gonna argue Devimon or MetalSeadramon were interesting villians, but even just seeing them planning their next moves outloud and talking to their minions drove home what kind of people they were, and they weren’t even the most Packed-With-Personality villians in Adventure.    And while SkullKnightmon is there... they’re just kinda standing around. I don’t know much about them really and it makes me sad

(Look I’m sorry I’m a filthy villian-stan and not having interesting villians to stan makes me sad)

Anyways, as always, I am definitely looking forward to whatever the fuck Psi is planning on doing because 1. Holy Shit It’s Milleniummon and 2. Holy fuck we got WarGreymon and it’s only episode 31, what the fuck are they planning on doing with the rest of the series and indeed 3. Patamon evolves into what

[iknowthisainthealthybutohwell]

134lbs!!

Just hit my lowest weight since 5th grade (I was a very very fat kid then) and it feels amazing!! The fasting thing works as long as you still eat some. The app I'm using is called Simple. Literally all I do is get to about 23 ish hours (not wanting to be lower than 17 ish hours) then eat whatever you want. I literally just get junk food and a full meal at the end then go about whatever the end of the day has planned. Just be sure to stay hydrated. My only issues with this for me is that I feel nauseous when I wake up and sometimes about 3 hours after going to my room for the night. The other one is that when I do eat, I have to finish a full meal bc of the thing with my friend and I'm already lying to them enough so I really have to push and get at least one full meal.

Wow... Cant believe that either tomorrow (or today if I don't eat for another 4-7 hours) I will see the high end of 133. This is really really exciting for me since just about a month ago, I was struggling with breaking 140 and stay below 143. Been working on this (not as seriously as right now) since 7th grade with skipping lunch and breakfast which withing a few months got me down from 170 to 150 where I struggled for a bit but then got to 140. Around March 13th this year I managed to hit 135. When I told the person who was doing my temporary id, he put down 130 instead so I really want it have my id be accurate as well. Aaaaaa I'm really excited!! But fuck I need to be careful since when I get too excited, something normally happens that day or the next day to throw me off and put me up 2 pounds to where I have to spend a week losing just that.