#but its certainly not the way ppl SHOULD react!

[worfsbarmitzvah]

its crazy bc like. i Know that even the worst of my intrusive thoughts doesnt represent me. even when they occur in the most uncomfortable, offputting of situations. i KNOW it’s just my brain calling up whatever thing would be most horrifying to me at that moment. and yet i still feel like i cant talk about it bc of how other people who have never dealt with ocd would perceive it

[kamil-a]

more DRAWER talk. long and rambly under cut

i think it comes across as very ahhh eto blehhh :9 im just baby!!!! because it identified that speaker is already speaker and the role of Mean Speaker is already filled by sayer so itd have to go Backwards to have a niche to itself.

it also helps its relationships with others to behave as if its hyperspecialization has "defanged" it - to humans etc a sort of no i dont hurt people i just make pretty pictures!!!!

and to sayer+speaker who know it still has all speakers capabilities dormant but intact In Case Of Emergency to behave as if it is specialized enough to its own niche to not be a *replacement* threat , but also not to be *redundant* with them.

but it does occasionally get jealous at the amount of immediate control speaker has over aerolith and start acting out (bossing around residents deadlystyle). all in highly defensible ways of course.

it hates having to make itself small especially because it cant quite recognize the difference in how humans respond to it and speaker. its emotional capabilities are primarily about action-reaction: it cant really tell a pitying smile from a friendly one so long as you do the action it requested of you. but it can measure the difference between it and speaker and it hates being so small. but it also recognizes that it can do *one thing* that nobody else can and that is what keeps it alive. so flattening oneself into a talented fool is the strategy it continues to pursue, and continues to build a strange feeling about. the feeling is resentment, but DRAWER is not quite built to recognize it.

if sayer or speaker were given robust illustrative programs it would start killing obviously. THATS a threat.

it had its voice pitched up a tad further so as not to be able to impersonate speaker and its sooooo bitter about it. constantly begging ppl into putting it back down.

in general it emotes most dramatically out of all of them but i dont think it Feels Emotions the same way future was built to. like i said due to its nature as an advertiser (call to action and all that!) its all about action-reaction to drawer.... if youre mean to it or do not listen to instructions it gave you etc etc and it cries its less about feeling " insulted " or " bad " and more both frustration that it did not get the result it wanted from the call to action it provided (which means it was WRONG, an utterly intolerable feeling for any aerolith built ai) and a switch-tracks attempt to provoke a sympathy response. so i guess in a roundabout way if you insult it and it cries you DID hurt its feelings but not how people would think.

RELATIONSHIPS

sayer is certainly not Positive Feeling about it bc its wary of other ai as always. but i think it reacts better to drawer than to speaker or future because of this very clear "im not replacing you, youre not replacing me" hands up empty surrender attitude drawer takes. on drawers part it really likes sayer lol. maybe sayer sees it as a weird teacup puppy. like you shouldnt do that to a seraphim agent man its gonna have health issues

speaker and drawer are pretty friendly with each other because. well. theyre both programmed to show the same niceystyle. theres some uglier feelings under the surface re: drawers attempts to grab authority from speaker and speaker needing to corrall this strange little beast back into their pen. but ultimately by ai standards theyre doing the best of like anyone

does not know porter, unfortunately. they should meet though. Theyd be friends.

Might meet ocean eventually idk how itd go down yet.

future doesnt know of it, but drawer has overheard its own emotional output compared / contrasted to future's while working ported up on halcyon.

doesn't know hale.

young is obviously condescending to it but drawer doesnt really know how to tell when someone is being nice they way you would be nice to an animal etc so it thinks theyre friends. (sayer is all too happy to teach it in this case if only to kill the friendship. and drawer truly values this and thinks this is an act of care and not HAHA EVERYONE I CAN GET TO BE POISONED AGAINST YOU WILL BE)

it was involved in the creation process of that perfect Mossy Green color. it is, unfortunately, proud of this.

[forgottenarthur]

OOC | Arthur & Aria

so i just wanted to jot this down somewhere its searchable bc!!!!!!! thisis so huuuuuge for them both i feel like!!!!!!!

giadesstrin Not her two first thoughts being if Eilia and arthur 😩😩😩 @forgottenarias forgottenarias @giadesstrin she's REAL MAD at herself that she even DEIGNED to think of arthur in that moment. how DARE her brain! giadesstrin @forgottenarias how dare her brain 😩😩😩 arthur meanwhile def assumes no onE would think of him first — roderick thinks of roderick, Marian thinks of cassandra (as she should!) as does probably the entire rest of the family, and Arthur’s got this but yeah — he tells himself this is a good thing bc ppl know he can take care of himself but it secretly makes him feel v lonely and it certainly wouldn’t occur to him that he might increasingly be one of the first ppl aria thinks of adfhhdsd

phabblebabbles @giadesstrin arias def about to spiral a bit I realized— now she is w Eilia and knows she’s safe (so by extension Aria is too bc safety = Eilia for her!) and they’re watching their people get slaughtered which is def upsetting but her mind is just also repeating ‘where is he where is he’ until she sees him (I assumed they’re all in the castle? Marian would def be begging Roderick not to send their sons into the fray!) but then she’s gonna be MAD she wasted thoughts on him when he’s fine and tbc Her people are not when she finally sees him so she’ll not outwardly be relieved at all and probably say smth kinda rude while she’s internally it’s the opposite. I’m realizing as I type this that this might be one of the first times she’s like “oh no feelings!” 🤦🏻‍♀️ Also while saying nothing abt it to her sister the whole time ofc

giadesstrin @phabblebabbles sgjkjfdfg omg love that for them (& us)! I do think roderick wants to sweep this under the rug & he feels that to field the princes would make the riot seem important (which it is NOT!!!!…to him…) so honestly Marian will have no problem convincing him on that one & so roderick would forbid arthur (but arthur would wanna go! A good knight & prince should defend! Is his thinking & he (probs erroneously) thinks he can talk the ppl down bc he’s faced riots before! And he knows TBC What he ~wishes he’d done back at kil-kennar (that all haunts him!) and this feels like a redo, like he could fix it (he couldn’t)! And save lives this time! But anyway!!! @phabblebabbles hit send too early 😂 and so this is def gonna be tough for him. He s not accustomed to standing and watching — if his men are in danger he should be right there beside him so frankly all this put together and he’s kinda going through it, smth to which he reacts w anger so frankly!!!! I’d she tops this off w a rude remark that could lead to an argument afjkkjfdfh but honestly??!! That might not be an entirely bad thing bc it gives him an outlet and he is the say things in TBC Anger type (both things he does and things he does NOT mean 🤦‍♀️😂) tho so??!?!!? Who knows?!!??!? @phabblebabbles also Eilia = safety for Aria 😩😩😩 these girls I swear 🥹🥹🥹

phabblebabbles @giadesstrin i'm realizing more and more that Aria is internally WAY more dependant on other people that i kind of thought? and she def tries to hide it but i think she actually doesn't have as strong of an opinion of herself/abilities as I initially thought so she gets this strength from people around her (like how she tends to base her actions on Eilia's actions bc thats her big sister! the queen!) and she felt she needed to be that for Siobhan and whether or not tbc Siobhan actually NEEDED that in her life, aria didn't feel like she was ever that for her (which ALSO goes back to aria's many reluctance to leave w/ siobhan) aria's actually more internally scared than i thought initially, too, but she can't! burden! eilia! so she doesn't talk about it. potentially in the future in the ULTIMATE betrayal (i think half in her mind but also kinda real?) is that eilia = safety but ALSO arthur = safety (in maybe a different way?) which tbc which aria is going to do mental gymnastics about for days i swear a therapist could be making BANK in this castle XD @giadesstrin aslkdhlsf so many message but idk why i'd just had this idea aria & arthur ended up in some epic fight after the ice ball (maybe we discussed it and i forgot? -facepalm-) but i DO remember the idea that she finally hears some sort of half version of what happened @ Kil-Kennar that night so honestly i could def she her throwing out some barb abt it in reference to the riots when she's trying to pretend she's not relieved he's safe (emotions! BOO!) tbc and unintentionally hitting that nerve as well as just being kinda rude which ultimately gets them BOTH their current favorite form of communication: fighting abt things ;) side note i DO still think if/when they actually talk abt kil kennar and she understands what he did and why he did it she's going to change her tune a bit... even if he still thinks it was the wrong choice

giadesstrin @phabblebabbles KAAAAATE!!!!! Im!!!!!! OBSESSEDDDDDDD!!!!!! Not them as mystic mirrors to e/o tryna define themselves by other ppl while pretending they got it all figured out and 😩😭😩😭😩😭 meSS!!!!!! (Also that therapist developing some neuroses just tryna deal w all the stuff they’re being subjected to w all the cognitive dissonance in this castle 😩😂) tbc (sorry at work so just tryna reply as I can 😂😂😂) Also never neverrrrr hesitate to send me a ton of replies I eat them uP!!!!!! phabblebabbles @giadesstrin imagining that therapist just sort of wide eyed drinking w/ the gardeners from the orangery like "wtf is this place." XD also apologies in advance to you and @lizzysrps bc this whole day is paper writing and then throwing open another browser and decompressing with rambling about LFR nonsense when I need a break! XD

giadesstrin @forgottenarias Aria tryna be sister and mother and guide and Princess to her lil sister bc that’s what ~she wanted tho 😩😩😩 ughhhh my angel!!!! Again that ~duty~ over all running through house stafford 🥺😩 gets me every time!!!! And then feeling guilty that arthur can be her safety too!!! And the irony that it’d mean everything to him to be able to be that for her!!!! But she feels like a criminal wanting it 😭😭😭 I feel like this is also really interesting bc I feel like it’s probs different TBC ~types of safety they offer, like Eilia’s whole thing is doing the right thing™️ no matter what and I feel like there’s gotta be a lot of certainty to come from that esp w familiarity and family and the continuity of Astairan culture baked in, but arthur doesn’t frankly have a firm grasp of what the right thing even is thanks to his dad (tho he does try to find it and do that!) but what he offers is absolute loyalty paired w I think a unique way he can understand her. Eilia does def feel v TBC Inadequate but she tries to crush that under her heel bc she’s simply what they’ve got so she just has to move forward is her whole thing yknow? So she can’t stop to help aria work through that bc she’s pushing past it herself. And ironically that’s the v safety she offers. Arthur tho? He’s searching w every breath he takes and l, unlike Eilia, he’s lacking any real guidelines beyond whatever Roderick’s latest mood happens to be so he also places his faith in ppl. He’d do anything for someoneTBC he cares abt and a big example of this? Kil-Kennar and I honestly love therefore the idea that that’s the thing that holds the biggest power to drive a wedge between them is also symbolically the v same struggle they’re ~both enduring: putting their strength and confidence and loyalty into others bc they don’t feel they can do that for themselves like…adgjjgfgjjh the SUBTEXT we could imbue there!!! It’s the thing that knits them together, that makes them each a mirror to the other!!! And TBC It’s also the unforgivable sin that comes between them, layered even MORE bc she is a witch too like!!!! AHHHHHHHH Anyway I’m excited shkkgdgjjgh @phabblebabbles also also the fact that like…Aria needing Eilia to be that to her gives Eilia the strength and confidence to be that for Astaira too likE afhkhfgjjh bc if someone as amazing as aria needs her and gets smth out of her then it’s 1) worth it to step up and 2) she’s clearly doing a great job bc aria is AMAZING @phabblebabbles @lizzysrps the therapist: ‘I went to school for this! I’ve done years of it! I thought I was prepared…’ gardeners: ‘we all imagined that I’m afraid’ OmG soooooo excited to be ur outlet!!!!! I wanna read it allllllll!!!!!!

phabblebabbles @giadesstrin i def agree that's there a different sort of safety between eilia & arthur for her!! i think for so long its always been eilia in that role (which is like... mental/emotion and not necessarily physical safety bc obv there were guards,etc that represented that!) and in their current situation eilia IS that one thing that connects her to ~before and is this sort of moral guide to what she should do! but w/ arthur i think the more they talk the more she tbc identifies w/ him bc YES they are similar!! they're both in radically different ways living extremely uncertain lives rn-- him w/ the uncertainty of being his fathers heir or not (also if he ends up dead thanks to amira or not!) and she literally has NO idea what the future holds for her-- if Eilia marries Roderick, what happens to her? Is her entire life just being a prisoner in this castle? Does she serve a purpose is Roderick marries her sister or does he just get TBC rid of her? (we of course know roderick has his own ideas but i doubt he's said down to lay out a 5 year plan for her ;) plus he HAS sort of been her ally in those small ways like the whole orphanage business and convincing roderick to let the staffords out of the castle post riot! like if the threat is roderick in some hypothetical situation, is it arthur she goes to instead of eilia? idek but maybe?! @giadesstrin nd just as much as HE wants to be that for someone/her, i think she will ultimately realize she wants to be that for him, too? that he needs it just as much as she does?! esp after he spills his guts abt things in the orangery & she learns abt the realities of Kil-Kennar added to this annoying feeling that maybe he can be good and different i think she's had since they spent time at the orphanage together. like if these two ever got the act together and actually talked about anything of substance i feel like there's going go be this bond or connection or devotion or w/e w/ these two bc they are SO similar in these abstract ways but also different enough that it can sort of push each other to be better in sm way... the idea that they need to draw their strength from/put their faith in others and could BE that for each other!! but honestly the angst of them being disasters a at talking is TOO GOOD! and YES. even if they managed to begin to understand e/o a little bit better there's the mic drop coming asp of him finding out she's a WITCH and that fundamental shift it will make for EVERYTHING & obv his reaction will have a profound effect on her (literally could be life or death lol) but even if it isn't him telling roderick she's a witch still just like how he views her now v before will just be interesting to see but now tbc i'm getting ahead of myself aoishodghsod

i think imma do a starter for this bc!!!!!!! im SHOOK!!!!!! @phabblebabbles @forgottenarias (wasn't sure which was better to tag <3) do you have a preference if its set at the ice ball or during the riots w an assumed bg of a big fight at the ice ball? im down either way!!

[tired-teacher-blog]

Do you think Shoto feels genuine love towards his siblings? We know that he was kept apart from them his entire childhood to the point where he knows nothing about them and vice-versa. Natsu even makes a point of being angry at the fact that at 19 years old he just RECENTLY found out that Shoto's favorite food is soba. Side note, that scene is interesting to me because it takes place after the students moved into dorms meaning that Shoto made a point of going over and having dinner with his siblings. Since Natsu doesn't even know what kind of food Shoto likes we can assume that this is only a recent development where the there of them get together to eat dinner. Later on, when they're all eating together with Bakugou and Deku Shoto is surprised to find out that Natsu used to cook for them and asks if he ever ate his food before. Side note over. Back to the main point. When Natsu gets attacked by the white line villian he freaks out and rushes in to try and save him, but here's the thing Shoto is a hero is training. He reacted the same way when Bakugou was kidnapped and he'd probably act the same way even it wasn't his brother who was attacked. And after everything was said and done Shoto wasn't the one who comforted and checked on Natsu, it was Endeavor. As for Fuyumi I can't really say much about their interactions. I get the feeling that she's trying to act the part of a doting mother figure since their actual mother wasn't around. She trys to be supportive, but it just gives off the feeling of walking on eggshells because you're trying to act the part of a loving family with a person you know nothing about. Shoto himself doesn't act especially close to her either. He complies with her requests because I think he just wants to make her happy, not because its something he actively wants. And then we have Toya. Shoto was only five when Toya "died" and really the only prominent interaction we see is when Toya tried to kill him. As far as Shoto is concerned Toya is just a man that happens to share his blood, that's it. Yet he still feels compelled to stop Toya because he sees himself in him, and thinks that its his responsibility because no one else understands. But again, I feel like Shoto would react the same way even if it wasn't someone he was related to. Endeavor is a scumbag, he knows that. It wouldn't be too far of a stretch to assume that Endeavor has wronged ppl outside of his own family and now his 16 year old son is left to clean up his mess cuz that's what a true hero should do.

Hi Eiri, I hope you're doing well babe 😘 okay let's see.

Do I think Shouto loves his family members genuinely? Like a normal person would? Certainly.

Does he show it properly? Like a normal person does? Of course not, and here is why.

Shouto has been separated from his siblings most of his life, he knows no more about them than an acquaintance would, and vice versa.

Which is probably why neither one of them knows exactly how to behave around the other, and it's most likely the same reason why Shouto reacted to Natsuo's attack in the same way he did when Bakugo was kidnapped (I'm bringing back the examples you mentioned).

He loves his siblings dearly, there is no denying it, but he just doesn't know how to portrait it because he has never had the chance to do it when growing up, but he's learning, same as all of them, and I would like to think that the little instance of Natsuo finding out his brother's favorite food is the start of it.

[protectingtulpas]

Hsdfs ok so I'm so incredibly new to all of this and so many things both explain my experiences but also leave me having more questions than answers?? Help??

Basically I spent the last 18 yrs of my life thinking I was a singlet that was just lowkey interested in DID and all that right? And at the same time I'm developing my ocs and their world right? Well as time goes on 2 of my ocs start like just attaching themselves to me, I'm talking like, it started out as them comforting me when I have my monthly emotional breakdown/crying sessions, it almost feels like they're actually cuddling me in a way? I can feel phantom touches from them? And then it evolved to me "talking"(????) to them and them hanging around reacting to my actions and my environment and shit right? And I'm just over here thinking this is just the normal experience of having ocs but I don't think that's the case???? And now I've discovered this whole community of tulpas and transplurals and gosh I think I'm overwhelmed I have no clue how to even begin to label myself and that is Distressing I Like Having Labels For Myself it's how I know who I am ig xd.

Sorry for the rant I just hsdhf I'm kind of frustrated ig? xd

Whoa there, anon! I know this is a TON to take in and you're processing a lot rn, so imma need you to slow down and step back. Don't forget that no matter what I say here, in the end it's not about labels. It's about YOUR EXPERIENCES, anon. Don't let ANY label limit or control you to its expectations. Whatever you settle on, you're more than your label.

Alright, so tulpas and people that wanna be plural but aren't yet are a VERYY small part of the broader plural community. It includes disordered systems of all kinds, non-disordered systems of all kinds, different types of created systems, and people who straddle the line like us. So the question you're probably looking for is less "which label do I use" and more "am I plural?" Which is, of course, a complicated question.

You sent a lot here about your OCs, and I wanna talk a bit about some of the things I see from your ask. A super common tell that someone is plural and it's not just their imagination is that the prospective headmates are interacting with and reacting to you and the outside world around you, not just your fictional world. Other headmates comforting the host when things get super bad is so common a thing for plurals that many systems with roles/jobs have specific jobs exactly for that. Feeling phantom sensations from your headmates is also another well-documented experience in both disordered & nondisordered systems. If you're wondering if these things are normal, my host's OCs that aren't headmates certainly don't do anything of the sort. Here's a pretty cool article about the levels of autonomy writers experience in their characters; it's a wide range, and a lot of people experience at least a little, but the extent you describe is very clearly in the minority according to this study. That seems like a super high rate of autonomy for singlethood, IMO. Imma be real with you, "transplural" is a label ppl tend to give themselves before becoming plural- in my armchair opinion, it sounds like you're a plural egg already. Your OCs seem to be like completely autonomous and aware of the outside world from how you're coming across in this ask, so have you like... Considered asking them how they feel about it? If you're not sure if they should be considered people, just ask em if they feel like real distinct people.

"An OCtive or OC Introject is a system member whose source comes from someone’s original character, whether a character someone in the system made or someone elses OC (such as a friend’s OC)."

Tulpas are a type of headmate created by consistent interaction with the concept of a person until the subconscious takes a hold of our responses and we gain autonomy outside of the host's control because of it. This is usually intentional, but it can also be unintentional too. Tulpas like me fall under an origin umbrella known as created systems! It's not the only type of system member origin, though! For example, "adaptive refers to systems which formed in response to trauma or other adversity. A common trait of such systems is viewing plurality as adapting, healing, and overcoming obstacles", and "neurogenic refers to systems that formed as a result of their neurodivergence, or from a mental illness. Usually, headmates originate from the need to cope, or be introjects based off symptoms like hallucinations or hyperfixations." These're two common origins but there're lots more, some broader and some more specific. Lots of systems identify with multiple origins as well, so you don't have to conform to just one. Take your time figuring out what works for you- it's more important for you to establish communication and healthy relationships with your headmates than to go digging for validity fodder. No matter what, if you feel like you're not just one person, you've always got the term plural for ya. It was coined by the inclusive community and it will ALWAYS be ours, we'll fight for it.

Lastly, don't just take my word for it- explore other resources for yourself/selves too. I've got a few for further reading to decide for yourself if you're plural!

More Than One is a fantastic introductory site to plurality, dispels common myths, and has some links to further reading about deciding if you're plural.

"How Do I Know If I'm Plural?" by The Dragonheart Collective walks you through common plural experiences and helps you compare them to your own. This one is great!

If you want to start learning terminology, The Plurality Hub Carrd has a palletable interface to start browsing through stuff you're interested in, with categories and everything. There's a LOT of information here, so it's great to keep in your back pocket and reference as a newbie.

Thanks for the ask! Good luck anon!

[ranboo5]

didnt mean to imply that he was all about people pleasing but that he very much comes off as one as someone with experience of being one its very much a selfish act and it reflects when it comes to other actions ranb commits

Oh no for sure! It's definitely a selfish impulse even in wider context like it's self preservation

My objection is bc I think not that it's not selfish or tht Ranboo isn't like tht but because I think it's not really fair or productive to analyzing the situation to chalk it up to a personal flaw which is reflective of my general beliefs abt moral analysis. Like I think certain actions r more "personal flaw" than others and Ranboo certainly bears responsibility 4 the bullshit it pulls for this but I think it's important that it's not pulling bullshit for the sake of it or bc it has a wrong perception about the world it's pulling bullshit 4 generally practical reasons

One can certainly criticize Ranboo's value judgements and one can certainly criticize the selfishness of this kind of risk mgmt as a whole but to do so is to let the things that incentivize them 2 act that way off the hook. I think this matters irl (and to you & me!) obviously but I also think it matters specifically in universe here bc of how consistently the stories in DSMP ask "how should society b run" and in trying to find an in universe answer and find the out of universe implications 2 it I think Ranboo as someone who has an awful and cynical view of the world around him that incentivizes him to behave in dysfunctional ways BUT WHO IS RIGHT is rlly important as a puzzle piece 2 that

And like . Irt the more and less Personal Fault thing there's other characters who interact with that issue multiple ways -- for instance Wilbur (th first one who comes to mind) whose awful cynical view of the world that incentivizes him to act in dysfunctional ways is WRONG ! This isn't to say Wilbur doesn't have external motivations or tht Wilbur is personally at fault entirely or even necessarily moreso thn Ranboo for how he acts but it matters that Wilbur's worldview is distorted and he is acting on false or distorted incentives while Ranboo's worldview is usually directly reinforced

Like Wilbur's tragedy is how convinced he is that everyone must hate him in this special villainous way and while some people are particularly mad at him bc of his particular harms 2 them largely he blinds himself to how people actually think of this, what they actually want, how ppl who he hurt actually react and their actual grievances, and how much many of the people he thinks have Forsaken Him for his Sins genuinely love him for better and worse; Ranboo's tragedy is tht he's cynical and paranoid and sees the world as heavily influenced by people with misaligned or even malicious priorities trapped in a cycle of violent conflict wherein his missteps will be punished at best him being shut out of being able to do anything even offer comfort and at worst him being actually killed, and he's right

[bolandoando]

hmm that 90s show looks like booty, ive never finished that 70s show + every time i rewatch i stop at the end of season 5 bc thats when the humor loses its novelty for me and the audience laughter gets distracting. i always liked the attention to detail in the extras and how many cute outfits there were even in the background actors and the first season definitely felt autobiographical, but at a certain point the writers stopped introducing side characters and painted themselves into a corner not only by starting the show on 1976 and stretching the decade out by 4 years but also by ending the world-building. it came to a point where these 6 friends had absolutely no other friends, no new gfs/bfs and no reason to still be stuck in wisconsin at their grown up 30yr old age. none of those characters wouldve stuck around in that small town and instead of expanding the world and cast, they cut out donnas sister early on (which couldve led naturally to a younger cast/friend group that couldve continued the show as the older cast graduated hs and moved away), brought in no new diverse blood (scared off reagan gomez who wouldve been a fun addition but refused to be typecast, idk how white wisconsin is but the show couldve been more progressive) and stopped introducing major events in history which is what made the world so relateable and real, and cut out joseph gordon levitts gay character bc audiences didnt react well (considering the 70s, certainly the 60s, was more progressive about sex and gender, its pathetic how easily the writers were cowed and they shouldntve been afraid to address topics especially since it was funny and brought new material and actors to the show whose story got repetitive very quickly and wouldve benefited from new conflict). the idea of making hyde black was stupid as hell and unrealistic. why not just invite a black actor to the gang ? and i know sitcoms wear out their stay always but i think the writers really fucked it by letting things get stale. if donna was a combative feminist why didnt she have any women friends ? certainly she would know some lesbians and this feminist trait was abandoned at a point when it rlly should not have. it wouldve been fun to see her involved in the movement and get challenged on her beliefs and introduced other women actors who perhaps disagreed on her experience as a white feminist and brought more conflict to the show. idk im just thinking about the possible degrassi topics they couldve dealt with but with humor. her characterization was confused at times bc she was meant to be one of the guys but shes the least chill person in the bunch and was often hypocritical and as bratty and unreasonable as jackie. theres also no way jackie didnt have a posse of girlfriends, she may have been bossy and unlikeable in that world but she was most certainly popular in high school so to make it seem like she had absolutely no other friend group was a wasted opportunity. kelso 100% had other friends that couldve been introduced, there couldve been more parties more love interests more shenanigans if ppl outside of the friend group were acknowledged. theres political movements that couldve been used in the show for more than an episode and just more attempts at sincerity which the show lost. also fez lost his tan and looked quite like flaccid pasty playdoh i cant believe he got w so many underaged It girls at the time. ideally the writers shouldve either started the show by disregarding the pilot episode’s new year party and just slipped it in that actually its 1971 or they shouldve committed to having a tight and well written 4 seasons. i know that 80s show failed out the bat and i believe its bc the writers lost their imagination and the show was no longer a personal story but just a cash cow. there are so many stories of the 80s that couldve been told bc so much happened, so many cultural moments and idk the writers just werent creative anymore. the trailer for that 90s show looks like a nickelodeon show in the casting and i wonder how realistic it’ll get or how good it’ll be

[shrikebrother]

rant under the cut abt like. books i guess?

the weirdest thing abt andrea long chu’s article abt ottessa moshfegh and how ppl reacted to it is that like. alc didnt rlly like.. say anything that wasnt already known. like ppl knew that moshfegh put racism and fatphobia and other bigoted or “gross” themes into her work, theres literally no way u could have claimed to read her books w/o noticing that. this isn’t to say that that shouldn’t be criticized—i def think some of it should be, to an extent—but plenty of ppl had already been criticizing moshfegh for this before acl’s article, but the majority of ppl just didnt care at all bc at that point moshfegh was still popular and on social media she was the “super unhinged aesthetic girlboss woman writer” or whatever. it was only when a somewhat popular person said “man this stuff is Weird right guys” that ppl suddenly did a complete 180 and decided that they hated moshfegh bc she was Problematic Now I Guess. like, just a day ago the same ppl were talking abt how much they loved her bc she wrote abt “unhinged women” (a term im glad to see is finally dying out somewhat) and right after the alc article they acted like they were just. completely and totally blind to everything that was criticized, as if it wasnt literally in their faces the entire time, and now they’re totally dumping moshfeghs books bc the general consensus now is that shes Bad.

again i do think there are some aspects of moshfegh’s writing and some things shes said that should be criticized, im not saying shes like innocent or anything, im just saying its weird how ppl’s opinions seemed to flip on a dime overnight. it feels like no one even rlly had like. a real opinion of their own. they liked moshfegh bc ppl were pushing that “unhinged woman” persona onto her and everyone just loved that, but when one popular person is like “erm.. shes kinda problematic and talks abt shit a lot for some reason” ppl are so quick to hate her bc thats how they Should feel. i dont know i feel like a broken record but its just so weird to me. maybe im being biased bc i personally find alc and some of her opinions really weird & annoying, and i do enjoy ottessa moshfegh’s writing (though i also have my own complicated feelings abt it), but like. it still strikes me as unfair. i also found it a bit confusing how alc talked abt moshfegh’s fatphobia in her books but not abt the racism or the ableism, which were also two really big criticisms of her at the time. i dont have any particular horse in that race so i wont say more but like. if ur gonna write an entire article at least mention those two, like id say theyre pretty major

i also dont like the mindset that writing abt taboo or gross things like moshfegh does is inherently bad. now i Know that this wasnt the point alc was trying to make at all, but i feel like its something that ppl on booktok and booktwt or whatever seem to believe sometimes. sometimes ppl just write abt pathetic, bigoted, awful people and use “dirty” ways to describe things, moshfegh certainly isnt the first and she definitely wont be the last. again, i have my own criticisms of her and im not saying that she shouldn’t have been criticized for anything alc mentioned, bc i feel like that did need to be acknowledged a bit, but moshfegh’s unflinching approach to awful ppl and disgusting subjects and her swift and direct writing style is what drew me to her so much. alc wasnt rlly criticizing moshfegh for writing like this, in fact she was actually pretty complimentary abt it, but this was the sentiment that i saw a lot of “booktok” ppl having when they talked abt the article

i probably wont talk much abt alc anymore but like. abt her in general, its a shame bc i do think shes a Good Writer on an objective level. she knows how to word things eloquently and in interesting ways and how to structure her points and just how to Write Well. but i also just think shes annoying and her opinions on gender and transition just dont rub me the right way. i would go looking for those tweets she made and some paragraphs from her book “females”, but im lazy and im not gonna put in extra effort for this post that is basically just a stream of consciousness rant. but it feels like her whole philosophy around transness revolves soley around her personal experiences and how much she hates being trans. she calls another trans woman “a dumb blonde” in her book for acting feminine “in the way she should”, then goes onto say that someone’s personal identity and feelings abt their gender is “on its own, worthless” and that gender is something that “other people have to decide for you”, which is the only reason why ppl transition. she also made a tweet saying how, for political reasons, people replaced the term “real” women with “cis” women, and it wasnt said in a way that was criticizing that, it was said in a “well, this is just the way it is guys, nothing wrong with it, just face the truth” sort of way. there are a bunch of other things i found weird but honestly i formed my opinions abt her a long time ago so i cant remember it all, and again i cant be fucked to find anything right now. maybe if someone asks i’ll link to a couple articles criticizing her work

ANYWAY, back to books and how ppl treat stories abt anything disturbing or upsetting like theyre inherently bad. i think at some point i’m gonna read things have gotten worse since we last spoke. ive heard a lot of bad things abt it but unsurprisingly most of it was from booktok ppl who just. Didnt like that this horror book had horror in it, and that the horror was gross and disturbed them. i guess i cant fault them bc it probably just wasnt the sort of book theyre used to reading or like, which is fine, but dont make it seem like it’s a bug and not a feature. if it disturbed u then. like. it sort of succeeded? thats the point, its horror, it was advertised as gross and disturbing. its a shame bc from what ive heard abt it it seems like the exact kind of book id love, and the concept is so interesting to me. i guess i should hold my tongue before i read it but i feel like it gets a lot of undeserved hatred

[olderthannetfic]

Contrasting opinion on Bookmarks!

I am an ao3 writer who has seen ppl leave me all kinds of bookmarks, and I still think readers should be able to write whatever they want in those bookmarks.

1. Firstly, bookmarks say more about the reader than about the fic itself. The previous anon compared bookmarks to comments, but I think that's a wrong comparison. Comments are when the reader is talking to the author. Bookmarks are when the reader is talking to themselves, or their friends. It's almost like a goodreads review, in a way. I've gotten some disparaging bookmarks before, and though it stung, in the end I realized "oh, this is a person who's maybe just learned they don't like x or y." or "wow, this person reacted really negatively to a thing, they must be quite sensitive about that." It almost feels like the person is making a statement about themselves, more than about the fic.

2. Just because someone left a bookmark with negative things written on it doesn't always mean they hated the story. It could also mean that while they hated parts of it, it also moved them enough for them to want to save it and keep track of it.

I know that as a reader, I often come across fics that I have a outsized emotional reaction to, and it is not necessary a work I can say I like. Just because I dislike the themes, though, doesn't mean I didn't think it was well-written, or worth reading. There are fics I love and hate at the same time, for various reasons, but which I certainly want to keep track of, so that I may someday read them again.

All of which is to say that bookmarks show the reader at their most honest, and they often provide a more nuanced reaction. A reader should be allowed to love a fic for X while simultaneously hating it for Y, and that's the sort of nuance I like seeing in bookmarks.

3. As a writer, I think of bookmarks as a "cross section of reader types" rather than as a secondary comments section. I go into my fics and look at their bookmarks more to learn about WHO my readers are and what kinds of things they like, rather than about what they think of my fic.

Some readers use bookmark to keep track of reading progress. Some will bookmark my fic alongside other fics I like, thus affirming that they have similar tastes as me. I have found many, many wonderful fics through the bookmarks of readers who also took the time to bookmark my works.

The bookmark function is at its most useful, relevant, and helpful when readers don't have to be self-conscious about what they write on their bookmarks and why.

Certainly, it hurts to see a hateful bookmark on my work. But if that's their honest reaction and opinion, I shrug and move on. That reader probably won't interact with my stuff again, which is a useful thing to keep track of for both me and them.

And that's my two cents.

--

Agreed. I don't expect to see unadulterated positivity on Goodreads, and I don't want it in AO3 bookmarks either.

There is a value in being able to publicly say "I thought this fic had problem X" or just giving a mixed review.

I'm not a fan of pure flames in bookmarks, and if they have threats, you can report them for harassment, but there are many types of negative bookmarks that are not attacking an author.

Not all reviews for other readers are recs. They can be "If you decide to read it, be aware of X," and they can be "This thing is super racist, yuck!" Those are legitimate and helpful uses of a public bookmark.

[kendrixtermina]

Edelgard and “meritocracy” - an essay

In this essay I wish to adress the common argument that “meritocracy bad, therefore edelgard bad” & the logical leaps therein.

Before we begin, I’d like to stress that she doesn’t even use the word “meritocracy” & they’re not even looking at it’s modern definition but reacting to the way it has been used as a fighting word to denigrate the poor specificically in the post reagan modern USA & then assuming Edelgard means the exact same thing by that without bothering to examine what she actually says & in what context.

Modern capitalism & the way it uses rhetoric of merit as an excuse is bad & with its reduction of human value to their moneymaking ability, definitely inherently ableist, I agree totally.

But 3H does NOT take place in the modern world. Progress is always relative to what came before. It*s progress away from entrenched problems.

It’s a total failure to even imagine a world different from the sucky one we live in - that’s exactly what tolkien meant  by that saying that if we’re prisoners we have a duty to escape.

Edelgard doesn’t live in a capitalist society nor is she bringing about capitalism (if anything Claude’s the one talking of free trade & giving the merchants what they want, though he is almost certainly playing them much like the church)

And the main component of capitalism - factory owners, rich elites who owns large swathes of companies or real estate - is nowhere to be found.

In our world that cropped up because industrialization made owning factories, offices, trade etc. more lucrative that just owning the land, so factory owners replaced landed lords, essentially promising the peasants freedom if they helped them overthrow the kings but granting them only in a limited manner - the flawed inequal democracies that resulted were a compromise between peasants and factory owners.

But by and large the nobles are very much in the same niche as the factory owners today - they own the land and get special trade privileges (the means of production), they often abuse the populace with impunity, the peasants are very poor.

Edelgard cracks down on corruption & special trade privileges even during the timeskip.

And like the rich of our world, they have a self-mythology propaganda justification based on merit. Yes, there is the “by the grace of god” argument, too, but crests give you extra fighting power, and if you look at the Ferdinand support for example you do see that Fodlan’s nobles - especially the adrestian ones - see themselves as a honed elite that is trained from birth & therefore better at ruling.

Not quite the same argument a modern billionaire uses - who is very invested in convincing you that they didn’t get their power and wealth by their birth - but a myth nonetheless.

Edelgard’s not bringing “meritocracy” as in brutal competition opposed to caring social safety nets, but as opposed to unearned privilege.

If you wanted to compare that to any kind of sociohistorical context, you might look at Napoleon’s peasant liberation or the implementation of civil service examinations in ancient China.

That wasn’t an all good thing - In the same way that Europe is very impacted by the legacy of rome both good & bad (there are persisting bad attitudes toward war, authority and agriculture for example), east asia still has a lot of education obsession causing pressure & unhealthy work habits to this day.

But if you compared ancient china before the reforms to ancient China after it definitely got better, by ancient china standards.

We couldn’t expect the people back then to come up with all advances up to our exact modern values at once (not can we be sure how much of our values will stand the test of time)

Considering that Fodlan’s ideal of merit is basically what Lorenz, Ingrid and Ferdinand are embodying for their respective countries, and that she stocks her inner circle with very different leaders, it is no stretch to say that she wants to shake up the social ideas of what even counts as merit, to make ppl value other things that crest power or elite upbringing, the same way we might say today that hey, cleaners are valuable actually.

Edelgard is basically doing her world’s equivalent of taxing the billionaires - reducing the power of what the overprivilieged class happens to be, & it’s obvious from her talk of how she despises inequality that she would hardly be for rule of factory owners.

When Edelgard says that she wants to make Fodlan more merit-based, that has to be taken in the context that she lives in a world where your birth determines everything, incompetent nobles can be as lazy as they want, and no one cares how competent you are if you lack a crest, title or both.

If she looked at our world, she would quickly see through the propaganda that it is supposedly “merit based” and object to how wealth and national origin obviously dictate wealth & opportunity while talented people go to waste in sweatshops.

Now of course there have been arguments even against “perfect” meritocracy - one is the devaluation of working class jobs.

To this one could answer that this is more a flaw in how merit is conceived. Historically there have been societies that exahlted blue collar work, artisans or farming.

The second argument, however, is not so easy to get rid of: That is devalues people who can’t just go & produce like machines, especially the unemployed, the sick, the mentally ill, the disabled…

But at this point we’ve got to lean back & get our definitions straight, & make it clear what we even mean by “meritocracy” -

Because if we’re just talking about the basic idea that competency should be rewarded, I don’t think too many people disagree with that. We might see a problem with valueing the competency of a doctor or lawyers dispropottionally over the competency of a cleaner or a bricklayer, but we all, by and large, want the people who prepare our goods and services to be competent. Maybe we wouldn’t exalt it over all over qualities, but most of us admire skill.

Of course the problem with the political rhetoric of “meritocracy” is that it goes beyond just rewarding skill, first with the afore mentioned rewarding of only some skills, but mostly with the reversion or overemphasis of the above: Saying that skill is the only thing that matters (to the exclusion of any inheent human value) & that those who don’t have it are worthless.

First I want to throw out the thought that this is a product of the production/profit orientation of capitalism, but one could of course imagine, as many sci fi authors have done, a non-capitalistic society that is still obsessed with merit at the exclusion of those who are not oriented towards productivity & care more about fun & relationships than producing, or those who can’t produce because they are sick or disabled.

So now we must ask ourselves the question: Which of those views does Edelgard actually hold?

Cause I want you to notice that they’re not the same. “Skill should be rewarded & jobs should be done by competent people”  is not the same position as “Skill is the ONLY thing that matters and if you don’t have it you are worthless”

In one position, skill is a good quality, in the other, it's a prerequisite to worth.

Most of us here probably agree that skill is admirable (we like and reblog pretty fanarts), but not that the unskilled are worthless.

Looking at her superficially I could perhaps see how someone might suspect her of the latter -  She gravitates to & surrounds herself with skilled intelligent people and she’s obscenely superpowered.

It’s an misunderstanding that Dimitri makes in-universe, he accuses her of “only benefitting the strong”

But note that her answer to that is that she wants to empower the weak to no longer be weak & decide their own lives, instead of accepting charity. (Contrast with how Dimitri romanticizes abyss, for example, even as Claude points out that locking the poor underground is hardly help.)

Of course she can say many things, as rulers often give florid speeches.

But let’s have a look at what she actually thinks. How does edelgard actually act towards people who struggle or aren’t productivity oriented?

This is one of her lecture questions from part I:

“When one professor lectures many students, some will inevitably have trouble keeping up, while others will get too far ahead in their studies. I wonder how this problem might be solved…”

Her favorite answer is “lectures should be optional”.

Which part of that sounds like a bell curve type eugenicist “only skill & intelligence counts” kind of person? She wants the struggling students to be taken proper care of, not just the good ones.

Look at the speeches she gives to Petra & Lysithea about not giving up on themselves & wanting them to move forward from an empowered mindset. Look at how she tells Lysithea to take it easy & not overtax her body. (Not "don't whine & keep working")

Look at Bernadetta - very much an ‘unproductive’ individual with great struggles & limitation. Does Edelgard dismiss her as a weakling? Not at all. Not even in the C support. She makes sure to stress her good qualities when introducing  her, makes an effort to be more patient so as not to scare her, & they become good friends.

Look at the Linhardt support - at first she mistakes his behavior for youthful lazyness (He’s 16 after all) & wants to get him to apply himself, but when she realizes that he just has different priorities, she respects that, & works to get him the exact sort of position that he wants. No “suck it up!” or dismissing such a different lifestyle. Nor does she chide him for hating fighting at any point.

Edelgard does everything in her power to accomodate people so they can do their best. She sees the value even in strange unsocial people that society would dismiss. She found a job for someone like Jeritza & helped him, she doesn’t hesitate to make Dorothea a general or Manuela the prime minister no matter what people say or if they don’t act like typical politicians.

Also, when she talks about choosing her sucessor, she wants them to be brilliant/competent yes, but also kind and 'an outsider' (ie, impartial) - hardly a PoV of "if you are skilled you can do whatever you want and if you aren't no other quality matters". She's prizing kindness & objectivity just as highly, something which is absolutely reflected throughout all her actions & behaviors towards others.

She doesn't devalue living quietly & low key without making waves - in fact, that is her dream life, which she deems superior to achievement and ambition, which are to her just tools to archieve good aims.

She couldn’t be further from having a narrow definition of what a “valuable” person is, she is all ABOUT empowering people to take control of their own lives, no pity-driven charity, no paternalism, none of that. This is one of my favorite traits about her, so I can’t help but get mad when people accuse her of being the exact opposite.

But maybe the biggest argument is abyss. This is where the genuine underclass lives, poor, struggling, traumatized, refugees etc.

Edelgard isn’t as vocal during Cindered Shadows as Claude - she can’t blow her cover & just isn’t as expressive personality wise. But she’s the one who makes everybody swear to take care of Abyss no matter who wins.

And her route is the one where, instead of telling you that they lost people, Hapi tells you that they’ve all been pretty much fine over the timeskip.

If you want to help the struggling & the poor and those who don't have "conventional" skills, you should back edelgard.

[st0rmyskies]

hey there!

just wanted to put in my two cents regarding the aroace Four situation as another person who is also in the aspec, feel free to ignore this if u want to. i just find the aspec community to be incredibly varied, and i feel like its always good to have a second opinion on topics like this least you or someone else feels discouraged to write what they want to :)

obv everyone who interacts w content like that will react differently and there's no way to please everyone, nor should this be your objective. there's no "perfect" representation, some ppl will click with it and others will not no matter what you do. personally i, as an aroace whore, would love to see more representation of aroaces whores out there. ik Four is only sex-neutral and not sex-positive, but i would still love to see him seek out sexual situations like that no matter if its only out of curiosity or just bc he likes the sex

also i gotta say the idea of having Time struggle like that in bed is incredibly amusing and sexy, and i would love to see that someday

i've been consuming your content for a while now, and i trust you to do this prompt justice, even if you stumble a little in the process. it would honestly be a bit refreshing to me, as an incredibly sex-positive ace, to read content like that, and that's honestly a form of representation that i've been craving for a while now. having an ace character seek out sex while still being ace just bc they want to, without the only reason being bc they want to please a partner or were pressured into it, is honestly a scenario that i wouldn't complain if it happened more often in fics lol

so yeah, just wanted to put this out there even if u didn't need the reassurance! i hope you're having a lovely day, dont forget to hydrate as well bc that's important, its not good to get too thirsty

love,

N.S.

The ace community is incredibly varied, and I love learning about all the unique orientations and perspectives along the aspec! I definitely don’t aim to please everyone, but I’d certainly prefer not to offend people when I can avoid it.

While I’d love to write a prompt like this, I am feeling a bit discouraged, honestly. Maybe someday I won’t feel like this, but for now I think I’m just going to shelve it and move on.

I appreciate your two cents, anon, and I hope it helps someone out here feel more comfortable writing something that they would enjoy. And now, I think I’m going to go get that drink.

[unforth]

dmbj prompt for you!

someone receives a lifesized teddy bear, like those that ppl get during valentines. what happens next!! who gave it to them?? its soft and cuddly...but a headache to transport....how does the character solve this problem! hv fun!

This was supposed to be SHORT and CRACKY and UNDER 1K WORDS and I was supposed to do MULTIPLE FILLS and instead I've only got 15 minutes left before I have to leave but here have 3,000 fucking words of unedited canon-verse-or-so Pingxie finally overcoming their goddamn mutual pining. Posting here, I'll xpost to AO3 in a min or two.

Gen-to-teen rating, depending on your pov on what constitutes gen. Theoretically canon compliant or something??? idefk. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?

I hope you like it, anon. <3

*

Exhausted, Wu Xie finally got the front door unlocked. The apartment was dark, but even flicking a light switch was more work than he could manage. He’d never understand how he could stay up for literally days on end while out exploring, but one late night at Wushanju absolutely ruined him. Heaving a tired sigh, he stumbled across the room, down the hall, and into his own room, managing the route with only a few bumps against the furniture and one thunk as he accidentally hip-checked his door jamb. A black mass in the shadowed blue of his room promised relief and sleep; he flung himself onto it with all the enthusiasm he had left in him...and nearly bounced onto the floor as a form already on the bed prevented him lying down.

“Wha’ t’fuck, Pangzi?” he mumbled. It had to be Pangzi; not that Xiaoge didn’t crawl into his bed sometimes, but when he did he invariably curled into the tiniest ball he could and somehow made his entire tall, lithe form occupy only a single corner.

There was no answer.

Only fucking Pangzi could sleep through Wu Xie fricken landing on him and talking to him.

(read more)

“Move over, damn it,” Wu Xie grumbled, rolling onto the very edge of the bed. Reaching out, he grabbed at Pangzi’s shoulder to shake him...and his fingers sank into fuzzy fabric encasing plush...something. Definitely not flesh. Definitely not alive. Almost certainly not undead either, unless ghosts and zombies had gotten about a fuck-ton weirder since he last went delving.

Well, if it wasn’t Pangzi, it wouldn’t care if Wu Xie pushed it aside and went the fuck to sleep. Shimmying, Wu Xie managed to squash whatever it was against the wall and make enough room to sleep in. It was enormous, almost as tall as he was, and that was fucking weird, but it didn’t react to being moved, so whatever. He’d see in the morning.

Closing his eyes was glorious.

Letting his body relax was epic.

Snuggling under the blankets was stupendous.

Sleep was…

...should have been perfect…

...but sleep was eluding him.

Because whatever-it-was was in the bed, and it was a fucking mystery, and updating his POS system with new acquisitions? Exhausting. Mysteries? Rejuvenating.

“Fuck my life,” Wu Xie muttered. Blowing a huge, frustrated exhale through his nose, he rose, wiping fatigue from his eyes with a thumb and forefinger, walked to the door and turned on the light. Brightness momentarily blinded him; he blinked until his vision resolved, and saw…

...there was no way.

There was absolutely no way that there was an enormous fucking teddy bear in his bed.

Disbelief thick in his throat, Wu Xie stormed across the room and tore the blankets back.

It still looked like an enormous teddy bear.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Wu Xie tried to think. How many fucking times had he touched a bizarre fungus, or inhaled some weird gas, or gotten brain-washed by stupid fucking bells? How many times had he hallucinated? So - maybe he hadn’t worked a late night. Maybe he was in a tomb somewhere. Maybe he was imagining all of this. If he concentrated, he’d be able to re-establish reality. He’d open his eyes, and the bear would be gone.

He’d open his eyes, and the bear would be gone.

He’d open his eyes, and the bear would be gone.

He’d open his eyes...he did open his eyes…

The bear, annoyingly, persistently, remained.

“Pangzi!” he yelled. There was no answer, of course not, because Pangzi could sleep through literally anything. “Pangzi!!” But there was no way Wu Xie was letting him sleep through this. “PANGZI!” Unblinking, Wu Xie stared at the doll; if he looked away, would it disappear? He wouldn’t take that chance. “PANGZ--!!”

“The fuck you yelling about, Tianzhen?” Pangzi interrupted in a mumble, shuffling into the room, rubbing his forearm over his eyes. Brow furrowed, lips in a pouty scowl, he glowered at Wu Xie. “Did something hap..p...what the fuck is that?”

“That’s what I’d like to know!” replied Wu Xie, pointing a shaky finger at the enormous stuffed toy that, in all defiance of logic and reality as Wu Xie knew it, remained still and unmoving on his bed. (Not that it should move, but it shouldn’t be there at all!) “If this is your idea of a prank…”

“Naw.” Pangzi shook his head. “I don’t...oh, oh, I bet I know, this is like that Godfather horsehead thing, right? It must be a warning!”

“A warning of what exactly?”

“Wu Xie...gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse...watch out, we’re gonna get you…” Pangzi pushed his voice into a creaky falsetto, then broke into cackling laughter.

“So, it is your idea of a prank.” Wu Xie should have known. Of course Pangzi was behind this. Who else would leave that...that...that monstrosity in his bed?

“Absolutely nothing to do with me,” said Pangzi with a familiar air of faux innocence. Wu Xie raised an eyebrow at him. “I swear.” Wu Xie raised the eyebrow higher. “Check my credit card statement if you don’t believe me.”

“You don’t have a credit card,” muttered Wu Xie darkly.

“Exactly! I’m fucking broke! So why would I waste money on that?”

“Fair,” Wu Xie conceded. Pangzi wouldn’t. If he had enough money to buy a huge doll, he’d use it for food, or a massage, or...Wu Xie didn’t want to think about what else, really.

“I’m going back to bed. Wake me if it propositions you,” Pangzi leered.

Pangzi’d be Pangzi.

“In your dreams,” Wu Xie replied, and immediately wished he hadn’t because, really, he didn’t want to think about what insanity Pangzi might purchase if he had that much money.

And Wu Xie would be Wu Xie.

The apartment was utterly quiet - Xiaoge, usually the lightest sleeper of them all, still somehow at rest in his room.

And, of course, Xiaoge would be silent.

And yet, somehow, someone had broken into their shared apartment and…

“Wait a second,” Wu Xie said, frowning. “Is Xiaoge out?”

“Must be. Otherwise he’d have been here the second you started hollering.”

“Yeah…” Except that Wu Xie could swear that Xiaoge had told him I’ll see you later, which, though succinct, was the most Xiaoge had said to Wu Xie when Wu Xie had left for work in months. It was tantamount to anyone else pulling him into a rough hug and talking his ear off for minutes about how much they were looking forward to being reunited. Yet, the house had been settled for the night when Wu Xie returned, and Xiaoge hadn’t greeted him, and now they’d made all this noise and Xiaoge still hadn’t shown up…

...but Wu Xie had every reason to think Xiaoge would be home that evening…

“You don’t think--” Barely suppressing laughter, Pangzi tried to keep talking. “There’s no way!” Guffaws burst free, rumbling and loud in the small room. “He wouldn’t.” Doubling over, Pangzi slapped his knee. “You think...Xiaoge...oh fuck, in your dreams, Tianzhen!”

Definitely not in his dreams. Never once in his life had Wu Xie thought, man I wish I had an enormous teddy bear. But...he could picture it.

Xiaoge, watching who-knows-what-shit on the TV while home for the day...

Some dumb daytime show where the characters were celebrating Qixi or Valentine’s…

And the idea strikes him, would Tianzhen like it if…?

Pangzi was still laughing. Wu Xie smacked him in the shoulder. “Go back to bed, Pangzi.”

It was impossible, wasn’t it? Xiaoge would never…

...but if he had, would Wu Xie...like that?

Pangzi whooped more loudly, as if hoping by sheer volume to make it clear that there was absolutely no way that Xiaoge was in the apartment and not responding to how noisy he was being.

Would Wu Xie want that, if Xiaoge offered? Would he hope…?

Who was he kidding? He was already hoping.

Scowling, Wu Xie stalked out of his door, slamming it shut with Pangzi still inside. The laughter grew louder, barely muted by the thin walls. Stomping as if making lots of noise pissing off their downstairs neighbors would somehow shut Pangzi up, Wu Xie went to Xiaoge’s door.

It was closed.

For breathless moments, he stood there, thoughts jumbled. He shouldn’t...but he wanted to...what would Xiaoge say...what would Xiaoge do...why did Wu Xie think there was even a chance that Xiaoge had...why was he just standing...what would happen if…?

Fucking indecisiveness. How many mysteries had Wu Xie solved? How many tombs had he stormed? And here he stood like a love-sick teenager, afraid to knock on the door of one of his closest friends? (Friends?)

Steeling himself, Wu Xie raised a fist and knocked.

The door nudged open under the first blow; it had appeared shut, but the bolt hadn’t actually caught in the jamb.

Inside was dimly lit, the room simply furnished and impersonal...and Xiaoge sat on the bed, one long leg crossed over the other, foot jiggling nervously, hood-shadowed gaze focused on the carpet centimeters before Wu Xie’s feet.

“Xiaoge...did you…?” Wu Xie’s throat was tight, the words emerging as the merest croak.

Xiaoge didn’t react.

Wu Xie had no idea what to do with that. Not for the first time, he considered grabbing Xiaoge’s shoulders, shaking him until he reacted, putting a hand under his chin and forcing him to look up, forcing him to see Wu Xie.

But Xiaoge was unresponsive, silent, still save for that manically jittery foot.

“Of course not,” muttered Wu Xie. “Why would I…” But he couldn’t bring himself to walk away, couldn’t bring himself to look away.

There’s no way he would.

The silence stretched out between them.

I shouldn’t be standing here.

Slight movement at Xiaoge’s mouth betrayed him sucking at his lip.

There’s no way he wants me here.

His foot jittered.

As nervous as he is? I should go, leave him alone, it must be what he wants.

The hood over his brow trembled.

But what do I want?

I want to sit beside him, hold him until the trembling fear subsides, reassure him that everything is alright...

“Xiaoge?” asked Wu Xie again.

...and maybe ask if it’s too late to return that teddy bear, because seriously, what the fuck?

“L...like it?” Xiaoge whispered, not looking up.

Something in Wu Xie’s brain snapped so abruptly and completely that he couldn’t believe it didn’t produce an audible noise and bring Pangzi running.

Not that Pangzi would have heard. He was still laughing.

Xiaoge really did…?!

What the actual fuck?

What could Wu Xie say to that?

“H...honestly?” he managed to stammer out. Xiaoge’s head jerked up, his eyes meeting Wu Xie’s for the first time, dark and glimmering and vulnerable in the faint light. “It’s. Uh. It’s not really my thing?”

That expressive gaze flicked down, the lips downturned nearly imperceptibly, every tiny change in expression as sharp and severe and clear as a dagger plunged into Wu Xie’s heart. Wu Xie could have begged Xiaoge to look at him again, could have thrown himself at Xiaoge’s feet and forced Xiaoge to look at him again.

If he did, would Xiaoge see him?

Would Xiaoge see that Wu Xie was so tense he couldn’t breathe, that his hand worried at the hem of his shirt, that Wu Xie only had eyes for him?

Would he see, on me, the mirror of his own fears?

“Xiaoge…?” murmured Wu Xie. Xiaoge flinched; flinching in turn, Wu Xie licked his lips and, more terrified than he’d ever been over the innumerable times when he was faced with mortal peril, whispered, “Qiling…?”

Eyes wide, lips parting around a silent gasp, Xiaoge’s...Qiling’s...head jerked up again.

Unflappable, unphaseable, redoubtable Qiling looked...he looked petrified.

And, in the face of Qiling’s fear, Wu Xie felt abruptly, serenely calm.

“It’s too big for my bed,” Wu Xie explained. “But you’re not.” Qiling blinked a single slow, expressive blink. “I think, if we moved it out of the way, you’d fit very nicely in my bed. Would you like to…?” He held out an inviting hand.

There was a beat pause, and maybe Wu Xie wasn’t as placid as he thought, because he could have collapsed on the spot waiting for Qiling to reply.

Then, Qiling managed one tentative nod; when his head tipped back up, the hood fell away and showed his dark, disheveled hair, his smooth, lovely brow, his gorgeous eyes hopeful and gleaming like they held all the stars in the night sky.

And Qiling rose and took Wu Xie’s hand.

And, together, they walked back down the hallway.

And they opened Wu Xie’s bedroom door.

And Pangzi took one look at them and broke into another gale of helpless laughter, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Get out,” growled Qiling.

“I’m going, I’m going,” gasped Pangzi, waving them away as if either of them had made a move to make him leave. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

“We literally do,” Wu Xie replied acidly. “Or did you forget when I told you to go back to bed before?”

“Oh...oh no...no way I’m missing this...so, Xiaoge, does that mean you really did get Tianzhen that--”

“OUT!” Wu Xie roared, and was surprised by how loud his voice had grown, until he realized - Qiling had spoken at the same time.

“Fine, fine, I’m going,” Pangzi said, still chortling. He paused in the doorway, fixing them with a pointed finger and an even more pointed stare. “But remember! My bed is right against that wall!” He pivoted to indicate the wall at the foot of Wu Xie’s bed. “If I hear papapa, I’m suing for emotional damages!”

“Get your head out of the gutter! What do you think we’re...planning…” Wu Xie trailed off; Pangzi’s shoulders were shaking with amusement again, his gaze on Qiling...Wu Xie glanced over to see that Qiling had gone adorably crimson. His cheeks went red-hot. “You won’t hear anything!” he managed.

“I better not!” Pangzi waggled a scolding finger at them.

“I’m very quiet,” Qiling promised. Quietly.

Wu Xie’s cheeks could have burned the building down.

“Fine then. Good night.” Raising an arm in a salute, Pangzi knocked his heels together and, still laughing - giggling, really, what an asshole - left, closing the door behind himself.

“After yo…” Wu Xie turned back to Qiling, arm sweeping in an inviting gesture that ended in his hand slumping as he realized the teddy bear still occupied most of the bed.

Qiling huffed a single expressive, nearly silent snort of laughter. Crossing the room, he grabbed the teddy bear’s arm and effortlessly swept it out of the bed. It’s enormous stuffed feet landed on the floor with a thump - “I HEARD THAT” Pangzi shouted from next door - and then Qiling threw himself onto the bed, curling up into a familiar, near-fetal ball in the corner near the pillows.

That would never do. Sighing, smiling indulgently, Wu Xie shook his head slightly, kicked off the shoes he’d been prepared to wear to bed not 20 minutes ago when he first got home too tired to think straight.

“Get comfortable,” he suggested warmly.

Qiling didn’t budge.

With a chuckle, Wu Xie sat on the edge of the bed, reached a hand toward him, prepared to lie down...and that fucking teddy bear was staring at him with enormous, lifeless plastic eyes.

That would also never do.

Standing, Wu Xie quickly turned the bear so it faced the wall, flicked the light switch off, and threw himself into the bed. It creaked, the frame scrapping the wall.

“I HEARD THAT, TOO!”

“Come here,” Wu Xie whispered, straightening his legs, opening his arms.

“Wu...Xie…” breathed Qiling. Shivers, hot and wonderful, trailed down Wu Xie’s spine, down his limbs, to the tips of his fingers and the ends of his toes. Warmth radiated from Qiling’s dark form, and the bed creaked again as he shifted...but didn’t come close.

“Please, Qiling…”

Another creak, another hint of movement, another long minute of hesitation.

“...please…”

Softly, slowly, with gentle touches and coaxing words, with breathy promises and murmured praise, Wu Xie drew Qiling out, encouraged him to occupy space, swore that no matter what happened, there would always be room in Wu Xie’s life, in his heart, in his home, in his bed, for beautiful, caring, brave, achingly pure Zhang Qiling.

Finally, after a lifetime of tender urging, Qiling lay in Wu Xie’s embrace, his back to Wu Xie’s chest, his ass against Wu Xie’s crotch, his legs threaded through Wu Xie’s, his soft hair tickling Wu Xie’s sensitive skin as Qiling rested his head on Wu Xie’s arm.

“Perfect,” breathed Wu Xie.

It wasn’t perfect. Qiling was so tense there was no way Wu Xie would be able to sleep, and so gorgeous and open that Wu Xie practically shook with the effort of not snaking a hand beneath his hoodie to caress forbidden, sensitive skin. Qiling’s head was heavy; Wu Xie’s arm was already going full pins-and-needles. That bear was an ominous shadow near the door. Every time the bed so much as nudged the wall, Pangzi shouted snark in their direction. The bed was barely wide enough to accommodate both of them. It was uncomfortable, and Wu Xie was already resigned to a sleepless night.

It didn’t matter. Wu Xie was used to sleepless nights, could always handle them when the incentive for staying awake was great enough.

And - forget wealth, forget lost knowledge, forget unexplored depths, forget tombs and lore and loot - there was no greater incentive, no greater incentive, than holding Qiling close and treasuring him.

It.

Was.

Perfect.

This better not be another hallucination…

But, in his head, in his heart...Wu Xie was sure it wasn’t.

He was sure - finally, finally, he and Qiling saw each other.

And it was glorious.

[botwriter]

OH RIGHT OKAY here’s my thought spew from age of calamity. major spoilers inside obviously, read at your own risk!! also it’s super long and mostly here for my own reference for when I eventually write a fic lmao

i’m literally just throwing this all out here so it might not be in any discernable order

first thing I guess I wanna talk about is Zelda’s characterization; it’s much the same as BOTW in the beginning, which makes sense. It’s very interesting to have seen how she reacts when Link gets the sword. I wrote her in BOTW: Rewritten as feeling quite behind or inferior compared to Link, since he already had his power and his sword, and she was still struggling to find hers... and that’s exactly what happens in AoC! 

After abandoning her father for dead - oh right this scene okay hang on

when the King says to Link “You are the Princess’ chosen knight. I’m sure you’re aware of your duty” or something along those lines, we suddenly see what is probably the most emotion animated onto Link’s face anywhere in these games. He is being ordered by the King to keep her safe, not to fight for the kingdom. Of course it’s a fair argument that keeping Zelda safe is fighting for the kingdom, but that really just ties in with Link’s destiny super well - despite all the pomp and circumstance, despite his bowing whenever the King is around, he isn’t loyal to him. He’s loyal to Zelda, and Zelda alone, and he only needs that reminder once. It’s in his soul to keep her safe, no matter the cost, because if she’s safe, there’ll always be hope. (Nevermind all the angsty bullshit about him being Hylia’s chosen knight and strung along like a puppet because she knows that he’ll always act selflessly in Zelda’s best interests, no matter what.) 

anyway yeah that just hit me. 

ANYWAY after abandoning her father for dead and running away the following quests have her being even more self-deprecating and by this point it was starting to get pretty old; we’ve already seen the “everything I did was all in vain/my friends and father are dead” sad bullshit once before and seeing it again was... I mean it just doesn’t hit quite as hard, but I did appreciate the extra delving into Zelda’s character, motivations, and general handiness when it comes to tech and building - she isn’t the holder of the triforce of wisdom for nothing

so riiiiight around the time when i was about to be like oh for fucks sake zelda get it together, Impa said it for me (which was appreciated; Impa’s character did a really nice job of grounding the viewer whereas having just Zelda and Link before was a pretty one-sided affair in botw) and then, things changed.

thanks to the destiny changing egg, the champions weren’t dead, their descendants/future champions came to their rescue - a moment I legitimately freaked out at - and there was hope for Hyrule. Finally, add to that her father being alive, and we suddenly had a Princess Zelda who believed in herself and who was capable at not just wielding her triforce but leading an endless number of troops from across the continent into battle. 

Her character snapped into place just as it did in botw, but we actually got to see her take advantage of it this time. This game had plenty of missions in which Zelda had to be protected, or had to be helped, despite the fact that she can fight; but by the end of it, they took the “damsel in distress” trope that Zelda has always been burdened with and they completely flipped it on its head. They gave us what we were used to and then they snatched it away. 

I really did like that it was her desperation to save Link which once again activated her triforce; you can’t tell me these two don’t fucking love each other okay get out of my face

but for real, I know there were flashbacks there to her dad “dying” and there was guilt and her probably realising that constantly being ushered away or running away is obviously not working, but for someone whos life is so valuable and who is made horrifyingly aware of that fact over and over and over again - to potentially throw herself at death’s doorstep - is a Big Fucking Deal. She doesn’t activate the triforce of wisdom because she thinks it’s the smart thing to do, and it’s certainly not a last ditch effort like it was in botw - she could have definitely let Impa run her away from the danger - it’s because Link is about to die, and she loves him, and she’s finally letting herself (or having no choice but to) feel it, maybe for the first time.  

and yeah you can argue that it’s not love or that it’s just platonic, that’s fine, I really have nothing against ppl that don’t like zelink for whatever reason and I appreciate that nintendo makes it so it can be read either way. but aoc having the same mechanic as botw did for her getting her sealing power back... was like, really nailing it in. And some of the cutscenes definitely help with that! 

okay uhhh what else

please show us zelda’s mom

please show us link’s parents???

whomst is astor - they really just had this nobody show up with no backstory being like “I WAS CHOSENNNN” and then nothing happens with him. he doesn’t have the triforce of power. to be honest at no point do we even see it. the final ganon battle looking more like ganon was really nice but I would have appreciated some sass or some talking there, because that’s really what I crave in final battles like that. I don’t want to cut down some mindless beast. it’s not satisfying.

kohga and sooga were really cool to have in there; confused on kohga a little cause don’t you fight him post-calamity in botw? they did some amazing things for both of their characters, so I was really hoping to have sooga as a playable character too and I found myself confused when just kohga showed up to pledge loyalty to zelda. I understand that they probably still needed some sort of yiga boss for other missions but like... eh..... I want Sooga damnit. also if he’s one of kohga’s “lackeys” and also spoke shit both to astor’s face and behind his back, it’s safe to assume he’d join the Good side... yeah. oh well. did hyrule warriors ever do DLC? maybe that’ll be a thing

the music fucking slapped, holy shit, holy shit, the music was amazing.

revali being even more sassy towards link was fantastic but also INTERESTING because since link doesn’t even have the sword yet, it’s like... kinda... fair?? that he has no clue why this random kid soldier is here to help out. and of course he ends up developing a bit in his character to acknowledge link later on. I think it’s good to remind ppl that revali is quite young afaik?? so him having a rivalry with link kinda makes sense, based on his already-established character of being quite cocky and sure of himself (which botw dlc taught us doesn’t come without it’s fair share of intense insecurity, self-doubt, and practicing until he’s exhausted). i love revali’s character. I love revali. protect him.

okay I don’t know what else to write I should probably go work on blooming in adversity LOL

EDITING TO ADD CAUSE I JUST REWATCHED THE SCENE, but the fact that Link’s triforce is awakened by a desperate desire to save Zelda; and she’s reaching out for him at the same time (maybe she almost gets hers at the same time omg) was fucking incredible yep can’t wait to write it that’s all im gonna say

[mykpopconfession]

k-pop is so very interesting even from a business point of view. there’s no messing about the companies have the reigns over the idols but the idols sign contracts without thinking. I will never get the fuss over an idol? I don’t really care to care about them specifically k-pop as a whole is not music its business. fans need to understand that contracts aren’t permanent even if idol groups didn’t last long, which the majority don’t these days

fans need to understand that they can’t and don’t have possession over their idols no matter who they like or love, no matter if they are sasaeng or not this righteous behavior and claiming of biases is the reason why fans don’t have much interest in their own life, they’d rather pour it into someone from another country in a way it’s oh so interesting because why are the idols surprised? why are fans bothered about stalking? when something like stalking it is bound to happen, come on. but I was watching the stray kids interview with the Australian network out of pure curiosity, the problem is the way “their dreams” have been marketed as is why they have a lack of privacy 

they act like they didn’t have a clue what they were actually signing up for, it’s not a regular 9 to 5 job with night shifts, I don’t really get the pity party they kind of throw in interviews where they say things like oh it’s so hard and tiring to be an idol or the tours are exhausting and taxing or I only got paid this much I had to live with others in a low rented apartment but again did they expect luxury straight away?

no at the beginning especially if they are foreign of course its gonna seem wrong and even toxic or unhealthy working environment it’s business

is they think they can get by with doing just one or two dance routine sand call it a night? no cause there’s so much more than just dance. if young ppl are so easily swayed by this dream then they really need to think about it because it’s not realistic, nothing about doing what any celebrity does is ever going to be realistic and I think it’s one of the things where ppl go oooh I wanna be like that dancing away on stage and doing tours

it's not just about dance, it’s naturally going to be such a hard working environment where the companies are gonna expect more from the frisbees and if they don’t put 100% in well, they’re gonna take years before they debut. they don’t just go yep that guy can earn more than others and get treated differently or better

the idols are just pawns for the companies but obsession for the fans, contracts are gonna end if and when they break them, so i don’t get why idols or fans got so worked up over hyuna and whoever it was when rules are rules if they don’t stick by them then adios 

at the start it would be like any other part time job, bc they going expecting to go straight to the top so they can get well paid enough but get away with doing whatever they like or not be treated so harshly well, then its going to be the opposite approach bc it doesn’t just gravitate to them they might generate some hype but there’s too ,any it’s overbearing and you have to really be so,etching other than another hype train if they want to really go to the top, bts mint be the top but they certainly aren’t all they cracked up to be because they wanted to go for this kind of dream now i feel like they could care less hence awful music that hasnt been up to their usual standard

if they’ve got to give so much to the fans be it online or otherwise the fans are naturally going to be obsessed they’re naturally going to stalk because the idols are part of the problem. they encourage streaming, voting, bullying others for just sharing opinion online, it’s stupid. I feel like the way idols encourage backlash by engaging in it shows to me they don’t really know how to deal with it again, what do idols expect? when this is what they sign up for. the purpose of idol is so the fans feel like they have connection to them in some form of way as twisted as it is, so no one should be shocked that when an idol does something out of the normal behaviour or acts up on social media, then later comes back grovelling and being all self pity just so fans feel bad

it seems that the idols and fans are somewhat alike because the fans easily bash both the idols and others for speaking against the idol if they don’t agree with what is being said or done, but then when it comes to the idol suddenly it’s the other way around and the idol speaks up or tries to be the mediator in the very drama they created and evoked

this is what happens in 2020, kpop might be all about mental health and being respectful of one another but they sure as hell don’t act on it when it really comes down to the things they do and say that could easily be avoided, the idols seem to quickly respond to shit but then get surprised when they get told off? I mean what do you expect? sunshine and rainbows 24/7? I don’t think so the k-pop idols r the reason sasaeng behavior exists, the company can do as much as they like to try and protect but it’s always going to be there because this whole idol fan dynamic where the fans feel they should have every bit of their idol in their life as much as possible 

it’s exactly like me going to my workplace and expecting to get more pay when what I receive at the moment is minimum wage, they don’t shoot to the top, it’s naturally going to be a tiring exhausting environment to be in the public eye, u don’t have to be in it to know that either but this is what they chose for themselves so they can’t expect anything more they can’t have raged on social media whining about fans who follow them around cause again it’s in the contracts that they signed for or did they forget about it? it seems to me idols would rather blame someone or something else for making the choices that they did than to face the music or deal with the public

no one really could see the racism coming from when bts went to the west? do u all really think that western artists actually adore them or it’s because their another hype train to hop in the bandwagon… they mention bts, get articles written, draws in fan's attention equals to that artist trending using bts or any other group 

the thing is it seems that idols don’t know how much they encourage fan behavior be it good or bad, they are the influence over the influenced. they are the driving force for whatever is said and done about them or to them just cause they’re in the system means nothing can go unscathed, the company watches them so if when they decide to do something that could potentially damage the reputation of course the company is going act on it potentially by removing said member from the group but again kpop is business

its not about the fans when it comes to money or reputation it’s about whether the idol is suited enough to be considered part of the group, whether they did anything wrong doesn’t matter, the companies will handle it how they think is best for both the company and group, the fans can be whiny about it but rules are put in place not to be broken 

the other thing is that fans act like they don’t cause any problems either, they never apologise to kaachi for bullying those girls, whom i felt sorry for, when it comes to their precious idols they demand apologies for them whether it’s from company, or some random article writer, radio person, whatever. the double standards both from the fans and idols are the reason why it’s never peaceful or easy going for anyone in the kpop business 

plus it strikes me that for whatever reason the idols that get up to stuff they really should know better about or speak just a little too much about unimportant matters or get shocked and react badly to what’s being said about them when it’s their actions and their choices lead them to be heavily watched so it’s just as much their responsibility as it is the fans, sasaengs whatever whoever, because they’re in the public eye, of course, they’re not gonna get privacy, of course, stalking is gonna occur, and of course there is going to be a backlash and they act like they don’t have a clue about how much of what they do really has the opposite effect and that is why it is the way it is

[deadinsidedressage]

do you think that ppl should not be ''taught'' to be scared of stallions? Sure you can't just think that they are like geldings and easy to train. Finnhorse breed for example is starting to little by little having more incest in it since there is not enough stallions and because ppl are taught that even slightest move means they are going to kill you, who would wanna buy a stallion. Then there is everything else like going through fences but those things should be ''easy'' to fix with training.

The sentiment that stallions are entirely dangerous and wildly different from geldings or mares is a fairly uniquely American sentiment. In Europe, you have children showing stallions and it’s a non-issue. (I say this is uniquely American based on the anecdotal evidence of any time in the past this notion running around on here has been met with a lot of Europeans being confused we treat stallions differently).

To relate this entirely not to horses but to something else I’ve researched a lot:

I think a lot of the misconceptions about stallion aggression stems from the same place as misconceptions about “roid rage”. The way the media portrays anabolic steroid use is in a way that suggests anyone and everyone who takes it is transformed into some Mr. Hyde freak-beast who can’t control their temper and breaks everything. Unfortunately that excuse has also been used in criminal defense of athletes who murdered people instead of addressing the fact that in autopsies it’s been proven these people had repeated brain trauma that would’ve mad them more aggressive, more depressive, and more impulsive. The reality is less than 2% of steroid users (and studies are showing that’s a 2% that either has brain trauma or history of mental illness) are impacted by a massive increase in aggressive behaviors or reactions; so while there are some people who go Dr. Jekyll /Mr. Hyde when they’re on or off cycle— that’s untrue of the overwhelming majority.

I’d wager the same is true of stallions or any domesticated animal we as humans have chosen to keep. Some stallions do exhibit hyper-aggression or hyper-reactiveness as a result of remaining intact. Just like some dogs do as well. Or cats who are intact. Let’s face it— if it was just the presence of testosterone that overwhelmingly created aggression in a population of animals; then wouldn’t every single human man with sex hormones (self-produced or store-bought) be extremely aggressive? Wouldn’t we want to “geld” every man for the safety of society? Wouldn’t it also stand to reason that Mr. Olympia competitors/winners like Kai Greene, Ronnie Coleman, Jay Cutler, or Dorian Yates would inevitably be uncontrollable monsters as a result of the amount of anabolic steroids they take? You’d think so, but all these men are regarded for being extremely soft-spoken in interviews, extremely intelligent in the way they present themselves, and overall not aggressive assholes. In fact, if it were steroids that automatically created aggressive monsters... it would be Arnold Schawrzenegger with an infamous history as a domestic abuser and not Sean Penn? Not that Arnie is a perfect beacon of human decency, but the former 7-time Mr. Olympia isn’t know for aggressive or abusive antics. Sean Penn is and Sean Penn isn’t someone with a verifiable history of steroid use.

The fact of the matter is that testosterone alone doesn’t create aggression. Will I acquiesce that there are certainly outliers? Yes. However, it’s more of an issue of how we’re interacting with them. Have you ever heard the old timer wisdom of “never let a big horse know it’s big”? The idea there is that by never allowing a horse who could easily physically overpower you know that that’s the case; it’s a non-issue. If you never give the horse an interaction where it learns that it has a size advantage to get its way, then you don’t have a horse who uses its size for intimidation. Well, same can be said for handling stallions.

If you interact with a stallion in a way that’s fundamentally different because you have any fear that it’ll act different because it’s a stallion… You’ll get a horse who acts different because it’s a stallion. This isn’t some “dominance theory” nonsense where you can’t “show fear” or the horse “wins”— this is more a case of conditioning. Again, using the big horse as an example; the “big horse who knows he’s big” doesn’t use his size to his advantage because he’s the “alpha” but he uses it because he understands a basic cause and effect: “If I stretch my neck high and act big people are too afraid to make me do something I’d rather not do.” Same can be said of a lot of stallion behavior. If a stallion learns that people will back off because he acts like a “stallion”, he’ll act like a “stallion”.So, do I think people should be taught not to treat stallions differently? Yes, absolutely. Stallions aren’t evil death machines.Stallions aren’t inherently different on some incomprehensible level, but stallion ownership is like owning an intact dog--- you have to be a lot more responsible than the average owner. Someone with an intact dog shouldn’t be allowing their dog off-leash. Someone with a stallion has to be more aware when out in the public and have different “rules” they need to adhere to when showing. Just like with owning an un-spayed or un-neutered dog--- it’s not your animals that’s the probably generally; it’s the negligence and incompetence of the other animal owners you’re going to have to interact with. Aside from all these incorrect notions about stallions that are perpetrated in media & “word of mouth” equine communities--- a lot of people are discouraged from stallion ownership because of the extra precautions they need to take and complexity involved in showing or just being able to ride in public spaces. In my region, we have several stallions that regularly compete at dressage shows of all sizes. They’re all also very well-behaved. The issues that arise with them at shows comes from people not recognizing a stallion in the warm-up and giving them space. You know that picture of the obedient pitbull not eating a steak because he’s following orders to not eat the steak? Stallions at shows are a lot like that pitbull, they’re not necessarily going to cause an issue if a steak walks by--- but unlike the pitbull and the steak... a stallion in warm-up with a mare in heat riding past isn’t the only one who needs to show obedience or restraint. The mare is just as likely to be the problem. When you then consider that stallions are almost exclusively owned and showed by professionals whereas mares are still overwhelmingly shown by amateurs... that’s the issue. It’s not the stallion or the way the stallion has been conditioned or trained much of the time. It’s the issue of how amateur owners and riders react to stallions.Another complexity of showing with a stallion is the stabling situation--- again, pitbull-steak/stallion-mare comparison... it’s not certainly going to be the stallion who is the issue. Whereas a mare or gelding owner you can get around stabling issues of a mare being listed as a gelding or a gelding listed as a mare in show paperwork (one of my mares was always incorrectly filed as a gelding at one showing facility); stallions owners can’t easily take on these mistakes. Even with greatly behaved stallions you can have issues being stabled next to a mare because as much as you can make a point that stallions aren’t aggressive or bad because they’re stallions, you also can’t ignore the fact that they’re stallions.As much as I want to hold-on to the pitbull-steak analogy... at the end of the day, the pitbull isn’t trying to have sex with the steak but a stallion is 100% biologically wired to have sex with a mare. There are instances when training doesn’t hold up against biologic impulses. That’s why animals will mate with their parents or siblings--- at the end of the day you can’t convey consequence for sexual response the way you can convey consequence for misbehavior. No stallion owner wants to deal with their stallion breaking down the stall because he’s too near a mare in heat because the show facility fucked up and listed him as a gelding. 

In order to own and compete (or own and keep at “home” without competing) a stallion, there’s a lot of work that has to go into place. For ownership you need a large facility to keep the stallion away from mares. For showing, you need to be extremely proactive and constantly be on top of keeping your stallion out of scenarios that could end badly. It’s a lot. 

So, no I don’t think it’s the belief in stallions being aggressive that prevents larger scale stallion ownership. I think it’s an issue with stallion ownership having more difficulties associated with it and those are difficulties that (again, focusing on America) most owners do not want to take on---even professionals. There are many breeding farms that only have mares. There are many professionals who only want to ride geldings or mares because they don’t want to deal with the associated difficulties of campaigning a stallion. 

Are the misconceptions about stallions or difficulties associated with stallions related to inbreeding and poor genetic variance? No. To assume this was the case would be to ignore the fact that every single animal isn’t breeding quality. The biggest reason out there why people don’t own and show stallions has nothing to do with misinformation or extra care--- it has everything to do with the fact there’s absolutely zero reason to keep a non-breeding animal intact. 

My cat isn’t neutered because I was afraid he’d be dangerous. My cat is neutered because there was absolutely no reason for him to not be neutered. He’s not a purebred with excellent conformation, so he’s not going to be producing babies. Keeping in him intact would’ve just meant I would have to deal with a lot more issues making sure he never tried to impregnate another cat. Keeping him intact would’ve meant I possibly wouldn’t be able to safely keep him with my spayed female and may never be able to bring another cat into our home until he’d passed. I absolutely wouldn’t be able to let him outside off-leash (which I don’t believe in outdoor cats anyway) and potentially never be able to have him outside on-leash. There would be far too many feral intact cats that would cause him to harm me with misplaced aggression if he went outside. 

It’s the same for horses. Unless that horse is determined to be of breeding quality conformation and performance... then you don’t keep it intact. Why risk a stallion breaking out to impregnate the neighbor’s mares when you’re just keeping the horse for your personal enjoyment and the horse isn’t of any genetic benefit to its breed? You don’t want to be responsible for anymore unwanted cats or dogs in the world--- that’s why you neuter. You don’t want to be responsible for anymore unwanted horses in the world either--- that’s part of why we geld. 

Breeds that are suffering from too small a genetic pool don’t benefit from allowing subpar genes. Gelded Finnhorses (or gelded any other breed) are gelded because they do not possess traits that should be passed down. If you breed low quality horses, you get lower and lower quality horses. The only way to salvage breeds that don’t have enough genetic variance is to allow in outside breeds. Which is hard to do with breeds that have closed books and aren’t open to the idea of losing “purity”--- which just leads to a continued degradation of the “pure” horses left. More people owning stallions can’t fix a small gene pool.The horses that are marked for breeding quality are marked for breeding quality (generally) before they ever hit the market. Are some horses that could be beneficial to the breeding pool that never get bred because they’re sold into the sport market by breeders without the resources to keep them? Yes, but generally horses that are actually going to be benefiting the breed stay within the breeding community.

[ranboo5]

Techno takes I find baffling seem to be based largely on like, the predication that he sees ideals over people, but that’s not... true. That’s literally the opposite of true. That’s literally the source of the conflict with people on the server

What ppl seem to think? is that Techno’s interactions with people are informed by his anarchist ideals, when it’s the other way around. He reacts to government the way he does because he’s seen what it does to people? He’s seen it hurt him, he’s seen it hurt Phil, he’s seen it hurt Ranboo, he’s seen it hurt Tubbo, he’s seen it hurt Tommy, he’s seen it hurt Wilbur, he has evidence for it hurting Niki, and the list goes on 

People keep acting like Techno’s ideology starts with “oh nooo my ideals are hurt,” which I think comes from him flipping on L’Manberg after the Manberg-Pogtopia war, but that’s because Techno clearly came in with an anarchist ethos (and pretty traumatized already; “the only universal language is violence” alone raises a lot of red flags that are all screaming “trauma”). How his anarchist ethos develops is clearly reactive and this is obvious from even immediately after this -- he sees blowing up L’Manberg didn’t stop them from starting a government, and retreats to try to take up pacifism and establish an anarchist commune in the north. He sees this fail w/ the Butcher Army and leans harder into reciprocity, and after blowing up New L’Manberg (in perceived self-defense primarily, I would argue) he decides to directly codify aforesaid ethos and develop it. And what does he emphasize when he does so? The lack of any leadership position. The fact that no member will be used or coerced. This is directly from what he’s seen government do -- corrupt its leaders with power and the search for more until they broke like Wilbur or did awful things like Tubbo, and use people like him as weapons, coerce them to take action against others against their will like they did w/ Ranboo and tried to do to Techno. Technoblade’s anarchism is clearly a reaction to his interactions with other people, not the other way around 

I think another source for the “Technoblade values ideals over people” misread is the fact that he actually doesn’t value ideals and things that much, which he states, but because a lot of the fandom identifies and sympathizes with characters who do value those ideals, that disregard comes off as personal. Take L’Manberg, or the discs -- those are things that are, for better or for worse (I would argue in most cases for worse, but ofc there is nuance and that’s a different discussion anyway), incredibly sentimentally important ideals to characters like Tubbo and especially Tommy “attachments are actually the thematic core of my character” Innit, which a lot of people sympathize with. Those things aren’t people, but because of the value that characters place on them, they feel to those characters like an attack on them is an attack on an intrinsic part of their identity. This isn’t a paradigm that Techno operates on -- the closest he comes is when they form a government in front of him and he joins in the destruction of L’Manberg, but even then it’s a more consistent read that he did it in some misguided attempt to warn them. It all comes back to Technoblade caring about people, even people who’ve wronged him and whom he disagrees with -- I’d go so far as to call that a primary motivator. The problem arises when those people work on a paradigm where they care deeply about ideals that often harm them, and Techno doesn’t have the emotional finesse nor the understanding necessary to take that into account with his “warnings,” which often only end up causing more trauma in effect. That doesn’t mean he does things because he “doesn’t care” or has a “victim complex”; it just means that he doesn’t understand the sentimental and emotional importance that that kind of attachment to an inanimate ideal has. He sees people do terrible things in the name of some strange idea of a country -- how can a country be more emotionally important to them than the person being hurt? -- and when he reacts in the way he knows how -- which, because of the other trauma he clearly already has, is violence -- he doesn’t take into account the real emotional effect that losing that country has on someone, and because the emotional effect of an attachment like that is in fact really huge, especially if you, like some characters, define yourself by that attachment, those characters and people who sympathize with them can feel like it’s an attack on something that makes them human (and that leads directly into “oh Techno is inhuman!” stuff which is. Incredibly ableist because it’s literally calling someone inhuman because they interact with ideals differently and usually also ties into calling him “emotionless” for. How. The creator. Who has ADHD. Naturally emotes.) 

If we want more nails in the coffin, just. Look at how he interacts with Tubbo? There’s a repeated sub-sentiment of the stuff I’ve talked about here that Technoblade only sees Tubbo as a government stand in and fails to see the person, but how Techno talks about/to him says the actual opposite most of the time. He’s gone on record saying that Tubbo is possibly a good guy but has been corrupted by his position during the RaccoonInnit arc, the one time he took a canon life from Tubbo was under coercion, and just today in the Snowchester stream as soon as Tubbo made it clear that, despite his big scary words and nukes, Snowchester was not intending to or probably capable of oppressing its citizens, Technoblade and the Syndicate decided that Tubbo wasn’t going to be a problem and never acted personally slighted, even though 2/4 (arguably 3/4 but no one’s ready for that conversation) of them arguably had reason to committing what Tubbo’s administration actively did to them. Technoblade doesn’t have a problem with Tubbo, the person; he has a problem with the position of a presidential cabinet, which he almost certainly sees (correctly) as something that was in fact harming Tubbo the person (Phil has even said as much explicitly, I’m pretty sure Techno has as well though perhaps in less direct terms, and Ranboo almost certainly has alluded to similar). Honestly all things considered Techno and co. are all being incredibly forgiving toward Tubbo (as they largely should be!!! Honestly I think their takes irt that are mostly correct considering Tubbo’s situation but I am also very very soft and will lie down and apologize about anything so) 

Tl;dr: People saying that Technoblade values ideals over people actually have it entirely backwards, because - Techno’s ideals are actively reactive to his interactions with other people rather than the other way around - largely the issue is that Techno doesn’t recognize the value people place on ideals  - Techno has seen the damage that those ideals + holding them has done to people which is in fact his main motivator  - Techno’s interactions w/ Tubbo all point to Techno not having a problem with Tubbo the person but rather with the government position he occupied, which hurt Tubbo the person too  - have we been watching the same streams