#but ive tried it irl bc my friend let me try them and i was... not good (but maybe its a skill level thing? idek i was wayy younger)

[frecklystars]

i still feel absolutely fucking nothing for my f/os and im so depressed and i wanna die and my birthday is friday and i hate my birthday and i just. rahh. i wanna self ship again. thats it!! i just wanna self ship again thats literally all i want to do!! but instead ive been in and out of the hospital every couple of weeks bc i'm having so many panic attacks that make me feel like im going to die

i am so fucked up from all the bullshit i was put through these last 2 years that i cannot fucking function, i am so paranoid all the time that anyone who interacts with me is out to get me because they [redacted reasons i cannot publicly state]. it doesnt matter if ive known someone for 1 day or 10 years, i dont trust anyone online anymore. i dont trust anyone who's nice to me because so many times it was people with malicious intentions. i dont fucking trust any TF blogs, ive been blocking any TF blog who interacts with me On Sight from all the shit that ppl from that fandom put me through.

there's 600 new inbox messages now and i havent opened any of them. people are sending me dms every single day and i havent opened any of them. i hate that my distrust towards irl people has bled into self shipping and now i am just Too Depressed to self ship. it is my anniversary w/ a character who's supposed to be such a comfort to me today and i feel Nothing. driver used to be Everything to me. driver used to make me feel so comfortable and safe. i feel so numb when i look at my f/os, there is just nothing there. it is my birthday soon and i should be so proud of myself for fighting through all the bullshit my abuser has thrown at me but i feel Nothing. self shipping used to help me at least cope with the depression. i just want to have my comfort characters again. thats it. i wouldnt care how many people are trying to kill me or stalk me or attack me if i just had my f/os to help me cope thru all of it

i genuinely think i'd feel better if i tried to be online and make edits and draw more and interact with the sweet people in my inbox. i used to feel so so so much better when people would send me nice asks, F/O reassurance, fics, fanart, etc etc but at the same time i will see a nice ask and immediately believe "oh. this is a trap. this person is going to pretend to be nice to me, try to get closer, but it's a trap" based off of MULTIPLE traumatic events my abuser put me through the last 2 years. this is such an unhealthy mindset to have, to not trust anyone kind to me, and i wish i knew how to turn it off. ive never been paranoid like this, ever, until a series of events happened this entire last 2 years and i just. i cannot fucking trust anyone on this stupid website, my god, someone sends me "hi keri! how is your day?" and my brain is like "oh hey look out, that person is pretending to be nice to you but they're actually trying to harm you!!" i will look at a group of online friends i've had for OVER a DECADE and that paranoid voice in the back of my head who worries from experience "oh cool this person is after me now. this person is out to betray me. this person wants to hurt me. it doesnt matter if we've been best friends since childhood, this person absolutely is out to get me now"

i hate everything i was put through these last 2 years and especially these last few months, one day im gonna spill my guts and tell everyone what has been happening to me bc its so goddamn unfair what ive been put through day after day, and i am sick of letting all of it fester in me without being able to tell anyone whats going on. i dont even know if its still ongoing rn bc every time i think "oh, maybe it's over" it just fires back up again. the stalking, the harassing, dude dont even get me started on the fucking stalking, do you know how fucking Not Normal these people are who have been trying to physically harm me irl and online? do you know how fucking psychotic someone has to be to spend YEARS of their life trying to make me miserable when i dont even know these ppl, im just fucking sitting here? the stupidest goddamn shit possible. i have never met these ppl in my life but they're following the orders of someone else and just. being fucking insane. if you knew what someone was putting me through, what a large group of toxic disgusting people have been putting me through these last 2 years, you wouldn't even fathom how dangerous it's been and how shitty it's been. ive had to call the police on a few of these people. you have no fucking clue what i've been going through and how exhausting it is to feel so unsafe every single second that you're alive. this shit eats at me constantly. i don't get any peace of mind. i think one day this really will kill me but at least i won't have to deal with it anymore if i'm dead. and!! i hate that i have that mindset! i hate that every time i drive to work, i hope beyond hope that a car is going to obliterate me. that isnt normal!! i should not be hoping to die!! but genuinely i dont think im ever going to be safe ever again and im so tired of dealing with this fear every single second every single day for years. years!!!! every second!!! every single second im awake i am fucking stressed out of my goddamn mind!!!!

months ago, i queued so much driver stuff for today, and i almost want to delete all of it bc its so. useless. dude i feel Nothing for my f/os. i feel unsafe with my f/os because i feel so unsafe with 99% of the people i interact with online because of all the horrible things ive been put through all this time. it's all pointless. i dont know if im ever really going to come back to blogging regularly. i just wake up, i go to work, i have panic attacks and i throw up, and then i go to sleep. sometimes i come here to vent and then refill my queue, but what is the point of refilling my queue anymore tbh. i keep trying to go through the motions to see if i can reclaim self shipping one day and then i can just bounce back, but god its been several months and ijust cant do it. i cant wait for this to kill me, ic ant wait for this to finally make me snap bc im so so sick of going through this every day. im tired

whatever ill delete this later and it wont even matter lol what else is new. keri makes another vent post about feeling depressed and unsafe. fork found in kitchen or whatever

[irritablepoe]

no but ive only read a tell tale heart from the real author but just from that,,,i dont think poe would be very normal abt relationships especially with ranpo......i didnt finish perfume by patrick suskind (got kinda bored not bc it's bad but bc i just found something i like more ) but the secretive and quiet but extreme obsession of the main character reminded me so much of poe??? and i think i read somewhere that the real ranpo chose edogawa rampo as a penname because it sounds so much like edgar allan poe and even rampo's book title is like poe’s right it only added japanese at the beginning before the ‘tales of mystery and imagination’ so it's not rlly far off that their bsd counterparts would totally be paranoid and intense w each other <333

dont be sorry abt loving this ship a lot!! in fact,,,if possible, could u share a lil bit more of ur headcanons abt them hehehheehehhe i dont see them portrayed in this light often (like u said v v rare)

i think telltale heart is a good example of poe's writing tbh, his works often revolve around obsession and delusion but also with grief if you look at "the raven" for example (especially his poems are about grief and death a lot so)

i've not read perfume but i know the general plot i think and yeah it probably fits well

AND YES edogawa rampo chose this pen name partly bc of edgar allan poe, he also references poe's works in his mysteries which is fun!! both of them also partly write horror, especially edogawa rampo's works shook me to the core, it's so well-written but also so disturbing, i wouldn't recommend them just like that bc of body horror and uhh fetish writing ig? but the cases of akechi kogoro are also so fun to read as well and you can actually try and solve the mystery yourself!!

ANYWAYS, this was a lot of praising lol, i just really really love both of their works :D and these works are also part of why i think they're both fucked up in the head lol

my biggest headcanon i'm saving for when my fanfic catches up to what i've already written lol, so i'm not spoilering that (but if you wanna know i can dm you :3)

other headcanons that i've curated during the past months:

poe has some sort of dissociative disorder, he dissociates when he's too overstimulated or sth triggers him, also he possibly struggles with intrusive thoughts

ranpo has autism and npd

poe has a brother in america, his parents died when he was young

he had a drug or alcohol problem after he lost to ranpo - the guild giving him an opportunity to get revenge motivated him enough to mostly recover though

poe has some really dark fantasies and sometimes he lets it slip during crime investigations - ranpo doesn't mind, he's even amused

ranpo also secretly loves it when poe brags

ranpo and poe started stalking each other (maybe even since the beginning) until one of them realised and send a very clear signal that the other couldn't miss and since then they've been flirting via sending secret messages in a language only they know to each other - basically consensual stalking (yes i'm completely normal)(also i haven't decided who realised first but it was probably ranpo - i love the thought of ranpo getting all flustered too tho)

poe didn't only lose to ranpo in that mystery game. he also lost his reputation, his friends, his admirers. there was more going on there, they probably met before the competition and they were intrigued by each other before it all went downhill

when poe isolated himself he only had contact to his brother who desperately tried to get him out of his headspace. but he himself isn't the best at having stable relationships + he's also an alcoholic (inspired by irl poe's brother henry)

they're both incredibly jealous and do anything to keep the others attention on them (ranpo giving candy to poe to get his attention back, poe being pretty dramatic and acting up a lot, also obeying every wish ranpo has)

ranpo must have told poe about fukuzawa and fukuchi for him to be able to write about their past for when they were drawn into his novel - so that means they actually sat together and talked about their past. which is insane to me

i do have another headcanon post but i couldn't find it ahhh, but it has to be buried somewhere in all the ranpoe postings lol

okay that was a lot, thank you if you read all that tho hehe :3 and thank you for asking, i love talking about them hsdkjfsdhjfs

[kinescopes]

kieren sideblog complaining essay

hi it’s me coming back to this blog bc i found the email and i need to write an essay on my feelings bc i feel crazy insane right now. i have been so crazy anxious recently and i know it’s definitely because of the impending new school but it’s making it hard to talk to people because im just so scared of everything which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what i need right now if i want to be able to make friends at [college name]. so much has happened to me in the past week and everything is moving soooo quickly but it’s kind of my fault bc i waited so long to pay my tuition deposit. i feel so strange about every interaction i have lately and im back in “everyone wants to kill me” mode which is so unreal and i know it’s absurd and it’s just a crazy pattern i get into whenever im stressed and im trying my best to not let it take over but it’s getting crazy. in therapy on tuesday i was explaining my current scary issue and he was talking about how far ive come since my terrible winter and like yeah that’s true but here i am again getting back into these stupid ass patterns where i overthink things so much i can’t do them. i have had so much difficulty taking care of myself still & my apartment is still in shambles and im like trying to make a dent in it but it just goes back to awful again and i know i can ask one of my friends to come help me because she used to do that when i lived with nick but this is so bad im so embarrassed. i really really need to start making an even larger dent on my days off so if you guys see me blogging on monday and tuesday please kill me. i don’t think im depressed at the moment i think im just so not adjusted to the sisyphean tasks of life and thats something ive wanted and tried to work on but i just don’t try hard enough. i definitely have some health issue and its probably a vitamin deficiency going on but i forgot to tell my doctor during my appointment last week bc my hypersomnia seems worse like its so hard to get out of bed on my days off. when i can get out of bed i work on hobbies instead of cleaning which is a good thing that im able to do that again but also i need to be fixing my apartment. im just constantly going in circles about this and always complaining about it but never making significant progress in both executive function & being social irl and its like i know what i should do in these situations but i just cant and i feel like im making excuses for myself. so monday. i will try. also sorry if i go into hiding its because this all makes me so scared and then i get scared of how i interact with people when im stressed. i should put this under a readmore.

[chososcamgirl]

HEY SIGMA IYA!! DAILY CHECK INNNN HRUUUU???? I HOPE UR SKIBIDI (on the behalf of me) SINDE MY DAY WAS VERY NOT SKIBIDI *growls* SO BASICALLY MY ENGLISH TEACHER IS TARGETING ME.. I CAN JUST FEEL ITTTTTT LIKE SHE IS SO RUDE TO ME AND LITERALLY GETS MAD AT ME FOR THINGS MY ORHER CLASSMATES DO. 👿👿👿🔥🔥‼️🙂‍↕️😭 I TRIED BEING SOOO NICE TO HER BUT IG IM JUST TOO SKIBIDI FOR HER TO HANDEL.. heh… RAHHHH SHE LIKE TELLS ME HOW TETRIBLE MY WRITING IS BUT REFUSES TO HELP ME IMPOROVE LIKE WHATTTTT 👿 IM LIT SO NICE TO HER N IVE NECER EXPRESSED HATRED TORWARDS HER.. BUT SHES AN OP NOW 😡🤬🤧 AND I KEEP BLANKING OUT IN CLASS N STUFF SO I HAD TO MEET WITH THE COUNCIL TO TRY AND SEE IF I HAD ANYTHING GOING ON.. ISK TODAY WAS JUST RLLY SCARY BUT AS THE ALPHA SIGMA I MUST TEMAIN NONCHALANT…. ALSOOO ANOTHER RANDOM BIG FEAR OF MINE IS THAT THESE PERSONAL DAILY YAP SESSIONS OF MINE REVEAL WHO I AM TO AN IRL OR OTHER ONLINE FRIEND… CUS LIKEEE I LOCE TO YAP TO WVERYONE ABT MY LIFE IN DETAIL SO IFFF SOMEONE FINDS THESE IM SOO COOKED BRO 👿 Anywayyyy HOW WAS WORKKK?? ANYTHING FUN HAPPEN??? I LOVE HEWRING U YAP SIGMA POOPOO AND ALSOO IM SOO EXCITED FOR NEW CHAPTERRR IM CUTRENTLY WAITING FOR IT BEFORE I GO TO BED… LOVE YOU POOPOO!!!

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!!! 🐺🐺

IM GOOD!! though im not feeling quite skibidi due to this migraine 💔💔 DUDE im telling u ur english teacher is after u… certified opp i used to have a teacher like that in 4th grade (this teacher was OUT for me like i was such a good student but she HATED me for some reason😭) aw i hope ur okay alpha😓😓 don’t worry that teacher is NOT skibidi at all and in fact a beta trying to get to ur alpha level.. she’s trying to claim ur alpha title so DONT let her do that and remain skibidi and strong…. u r the mysterious nonchalant alpha leader🫵 LMFAOO that’s actually so cute don’t worry i don’t think any of them will find my blog (unless u directly told them otherwise HELP) work was actually so fun and i enjoy it so much actually😭 like it’s really me ?? idk how to explain it but yeah i LOVE everything abt it. ALWAYS LOVE HEARING U YAP UR HEART AWAY ALPHA <333 omg i hope u weren’t waiting up too long bc it got delayed 😣😣 anyways REST WELL!! i look forward to ur daily check in tmr😈

[amwife]

Wait wait girl can we talk about your new header??? LIKE THIS IS INTERESTING AND I WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT 🙏🙏

if you're willing to share that is, no worries if not

omg i think this is ab the boy bio thing so im js gonna assume it is nd tell u all anyways.

SO BASICALLY, ive been talking to this boy since may and its currently august rn so like four months, nd he super flirty but also super shy nd didnt know how to talk to me irl so i thought it ws cute, nd my name has like two dif parts and he called me a part of my name that i hate when ppl do it but i let it slide cus i liked him. AND WHEN PPL ASKED WHY HE CALLED ME IT HE SAID STUFF LIKE "cus only i can call her it"

but now he calls me the first part of my name, not the 'special' part so like 😣😣 ND CS WE HAVE A MUTUAL FRIEND, and she ws super obv ab the fact they would talk ab me (in a good way) nd try get the two of us tgth.

so for the past 2 weeks hes been rlly short answered nd js obv ab not wanting to talk and not liking me anymore, because he used to be really talkative but now he would ignore me and be on calls with girls 💔

ND SHE TOLD ME HE THINKS IM TOO GOOD FOR HIM SO HE WILL GAVE UP. which isnt rlly surprising cs me and him are a weird pairing anyways since he has way more girl friends that have the same interests BUT IT STILL HURTS 😒

nd she thought it ws a good thing like girl no im not happy to have the boy im inlove with give up on me 🤬🤬 but i tried to fix it nd kept texting him but he always js left my msgs on read so ive given up on him 😍😍

BC IDK WHAT TO DO (if yall have any ideas id love to hear them ☺️)

[naturalbornlosers]

actually. i dont normally get this personal so i might delete this later but geez i need somewhere to put this or i'll go insane.

we lost my grandfather a year ago and Christmas has sucked ass this year. i'm overstimulated and exhausted. my family doesn't even try to connect with me. it's like i dont fucking exist anymore to them except as a problem-solver ("can you help me find xyz?") or a piece of furniture or someone to dictate later plans to or a fucking memory pad ("don't let me forget,") or a problem. we try to eat dinner together and i dont open my mouth a moment in the conversation bc there's no opening for me, there's no topic i can contribute to, no one even tries to include me, and the only time i'm spoken to is to tell me plans we're doing later. i wanna make something with my family and it gets brushed off. i wanna do something, it gets brushed off. i bought us a game to play and we're taking it down when we take my grandmother back home bc no one could be assed to remember to play it even though i made sure it appealed to all of our interests.

my mom made a joke about "oh we're just giving you money because we have no idea what you want haha!" and while yeah, i am grateful for the money, it fucking SUCKS that every time ive talked to her about my interests - about our shared interests and hobbies, too - it sounds like it's gone in one ear and right out the other!! i've shown her in person things i would like to eventually get in the future, all year. and it's like… none of it matters. no one tries. no one tries when it's me, but everyone else gets thoughtful things and i'm even still planning to get more things for my mom and my grandmother. no one tries to engage with my interests. my interests actually get made fun of here and there or outright dismissed ("i'm sure [person] doesn't wanna hear about xyz" is said often when im infodumping) and everything i like is trivial. everything i like is fodder to be mocked by my moms husband and just goes in one ear out the other with my mom and my grandmother has no idea what to do with my interests.

and, fuck, now my family doesnt believe i have endometriosis or pcos bc my ultrasound came back fine even though i explained to them repeatedly that it may not show up on an ultrasound. they dont want me to get a second opinion. they dont think its worth it, trying to find out why im in so much pain i miss class/life events and why im so sick and fatigued every month i cant leave the house sometimes. i just sit around like a decoration. i get teased for being on my phone. i get teased for not eating the same things everyone else does. and to top it all off, my moms husband vaguely threatened me tonight in front of everyone and no one did a fucking thing. no one even acknowledged that he just flat out went "dont do xyz, if you do xyz, there's gonna be a problem" in a very clear manner of 'you are going to be in deep shit'. which is fucking tiresome bc he tried to kick me out three separate times in 2020. once bc my bathroom wasn't tidy enough (just a bit cluttered, but i dont have much counter space, so naturally it was cluttered), once bc he wanted to turn my bedroom into storage and have me move into the attic spare room, and once bc "this is my castle and i am the king and if you don't like it you can leave". this was during a time i had no friends irl, no bank account, couldn't drive, no job, nobody around i could go to… he knew full well he could just toss me out and no one would say a fucking word.

i'm learning how to drive. and then i'll get a job. and then i'll move out. and then i'll put this shit behind me. but i fucking hate being in a room full of my family and feeling like none of them know me. that i'm entirely alone. that i don't fucking exist and everything i am is trivial and doesn't matter. if i make plans, there's a high chance they wont happen or will get changed last minute and then i get mocked for being upset about it like i'm a child who doesn't get how the world works. i'm twenty four. i'm young for sure, but fucking hell, i'm not six.

i just don't wanna be here. i'm gonna keep on keepin' on. but i want things to change for the better and i know they wont until i move out. i just don't believe i will actually, ever, leave this house. ughh. i'll survive but holy shit i'm gonna be screaming the entire time.

[cheddar-inq]

guh this was supposed to be a quick warmup and it was NOT

fandom opinion stuff !!!!!

notes abt why and blank template below the cut

Favorite character - I've just always loved Rivulet. Even before I realized I WAS riv, ive always just. loved him. i love how fast-paced the campaign is, i love the story, i love the colors and mechanics and design and just. all of it !!!!!

Liked by everyone but me - i just cant really understand a lot of the fandom's love for artificer. like i dont hate arti at all but i just dont understand all of the love. to me, artificer is someone trapped in that pure fury who simply could not let go of it, regardless of how hard they may have tried to break out of it. i think that it should be highlighted more in the fandom and thats actually what im trying to change about my own rain world au- i want to highlight that fury, that grief, that pure hatred mixed with the confusion of what to do, and how even once theyve calmed down from that fury, that it can be reignited in an instant from anything that reminds them of the death of their pups, the toll scavengers, ect.

Didn't like at first - i just thought monk was boring tbh. As ive played rain world for longer and longer ive realized that monk is incredibly brave and fascinating

Would like to know more about - always been curious about nightcat and i am even MORE curious now bc of the announcement of the Watcher !!!!!!

Least Favorite Character - again, i just. i cant stand how the fandom sees arti exclusively as someone to be sympathetic for and someone to be redeemed without any of that lasting guilt and fury. kinda just ruined them for me. i do love their campaign though

Like the design, dislike (Campaign) - i literally LOVE gourm ok. i love just how much can be done with their character, i love how theyre presented in game as that kind colony member who braved a new, unknown area to benefit their family, their colony, everyone they care about and love. i just hate the exhaust mechanic and i found the food quest to just be boring and unnessecarily long and tedious

Like the campaign, dislike design - by this i mean more like. just how hunter was shown in game. i really liked the story but i feel like we just werent given enough. what were they like before leaving nsh? what were they like before the rot or before the rot began to seriously affect them? how many other iterators knew about hunter? how old even were they when they began their mission? and dont get me started on the ending i wish there was more than just the one end scene art, i wish we knew more about hunter and nsh's relationship

Similar personality - guys i kin rivulet i have always seem him acting like how i do and vice versa sorry this ones a bit boring of an answer

Fav ships - i love you puffball. i love you deepsea. my favorites ever <33

Least fav ship - this isnt personal to anyone and no hate to anybody who enjoys monk ships, i just cant see them as anything other than a pup so monk ships are just uncomfortable for me to see

would befriend irl - no joke. any of them tbh. potentially artificer but probably not just because of how that kind of grief and anger can affect people, im not sure if arti would be able to make friends with others. also the slug i drew is my slugsona, the lizardtamer <3

would never befriend irl - arti for the reasons listed aboveeee

yeah :333 heres the template !!!

[rrelationshipadvice]

i think im in love with my friend, and i confessed about a year ago and they don't reciprocate, which i understand, esp bc theyre aro. we're still friends and i care about them a lot, and i miss them a lot since they had to move even further away than before and are going through a lot, and we dont talk as much as before. i try to offer my support as best as i can but they know i am also mentally fragile so they dont open up to me as much (at least i think thats the reason)

im so touch starved i think, and i wanted really hard at one point to be more physically intimate/close with them, i always asked about if they were uncomfortable before and after we hung out, usually i leaned on them or put my head on their shoulder, sometimes hugged or tried to cuddle or hold them, and they always said it was fine, but it also seemed like they were shying away sometimes and not initiating stuff and i was really confused so i kept asking about it, and i think i scared them off by trying to seek this closeness or by asking about it so much instead of letting it happen naturally… they said they realize they arent really comfortable being super physical with anyone so i stopped trying that. they still initate physical contact like tight hugs when we see each other after a long while and putting their head on my shoulder so i feel like its ok if i do the same back sometimes but i dont try to seek it out specifically that much anymore bc i dont understand what theyre okay with really… they dont seem to mind me telling them theyre hot and losing my shit at their preformances, they call me hot sometimes too or appreciate how i look. they have talked about sex and sexual stuff and specifically didnt call themselves ace in a situation where others (including me) were pointed out to be ace so i think theyre not? and they talk about both fictional and irl hot men and sex and sexy fics and stuff. ive been thinking im ace for a while bc ive never really had specific sexual feelings for real people before(only for fictional characters, or like getting turned on when reading fics of a ship i love). but now ive been imagining myself doing stuff with them(so obvious im a virgin too lmao idk how to talk about sex) and i cant tell if im like. Actually experiencing these feelings or if im so attached to them im trying to imagine any possible configuration of a closer relationship to them…

and i keep imagining talking to them about it all and them agreeing to be in a fwb situation or queerplatonic relationship or something… they were okay for a bit with calling us queerplatonic or partners or (fandom term) for very close friends, but we stopped bc they felt it put too much like. pressure on our relationship to be Something and follow certain idk behaviours, and i assume it was because of the closeness i desired too probably then...

so i dont think it would ever happen really, after that, esp since i dont seem like their type, and i think they think im super asexual because i feel relatively uncomfortable casually talking about sex bc im so inexperienced… and also bc im 22 and theyre 19 and internet bullshit has made me feel predatory for a lot of things. i often feel bad or gross even imagining things with them or even being attracted to them because of that. sigh why is shit so complicated :/

ig i dont really have a specific question for advice, really just wanted to share this with Someone bc i dont feel like i can. but if anyone has advice or can emphatize or uncover some nifty aro/ace stuff i dont know of yet bc i havent done enough research id appreciate it lmao, ty for this blog <3

.

[minqueee]

thinking abt getting new watercolors bc ive been using my prang ones for like 7 years now

[ectonurites]

so..... streamer tim au...... my eyes and ears are wide open......

okay so prefacing this with the fact that i have never actually watched any streamers the closest thing was my irl friend who TRIED to be a streamer and failed miserably and one time me and my roommate and my boyfriend watched his stream and interacted with him not revealing it was us to both support and vaguely mock him (hes kinda a dick. more of an acquaintance from dnd stuff than a friend) BUT:

tim playing every superhero related game (i KNOW the Death of Superman videogame that exists irl is also real in canon because Kon mentions it several times) + him also playing that freakazoid game he played during YJ #53

Like I think in general he’d probably stream a lot more older games, any game that has a skateboarding function, and then also like Minecraft because it’s a classic. 

actually kinda unrelated but in my high school this one guy did a project our senior year where he made a to-scale recreation of our entire town in Minecraft using actual satellite data (this kid had also been our class president but did JACK SHIT WHEN HE WAS CLASS PRESIDENT. BUT HE COULD MAKE OUR WHOLE TOWN IN MINECRAFT) and I’m amused by imagining Tim trying to do something like that with parts of Gotham

i think for the most part he would stream stuff alone and due to the fact that like, if I’m placing this around the time he’s at Brentwood (again I’m kinda using the ‘its harder for him to go out as Robin as frequently since. Boarding School, thus he has a bit more time to fuck around and play video games’ idea) and it’s shortly after No Man’s Land, people like, are recognizing who Timothy Drake is by his face bc he was on the news for being missing so he’d be able to actually get a pretty decent following pretty quickly. Possibly Ives would hop on sometimes too though bc he’s also a huge nerd.

Then, if I am placing this as starting in the Brentwood era, The YJ kids (and also Steph!) don’t actually know Tim is Robin yet. Which is hilarious to imagine, like, them watching him stream games or some shit for a while and then once they connect the dots being like WAIT. MOTHERFUCKER. THAT WAS YOU?? Once they know though they spam the shit out of his chat and make his life hell but in an endearing way

Bruce is also not amused because this puts a higher profile on Tim which could jeopardize their identities however he knows Tim’s under a lot of stress all the time always and this seems to be something fun he enjoys doing so he doesn’t say anything. He watches his streams sometimes in the cave as background noise while doing other stuff.

I think Tim’d probably end up stopping doing any of it around when War Games happened if not a bit earlier, because just… The energy is gone. He can’t pretend to be okay on stream for all that and just loses the drive to do any of it, and especially considering the next several years just get worse and worse for him, it was probably a good time to call it quits.

which then

Years later, like, after Red Robin & stuff, I love the idea of Damian stumbling on all of it by accident when trying to dig up embarrassing shit on Tim and actually really ending up liking watching him play? kinda… humanizing Tim more for him I guess. Because Damian in pre-new 52 times really sees Tim as a rival and a jerk, but seeing him actually be a goofy kid doing something like that… could be cool. Give a bit different of a perspective. Also Damian being competitive and wanting to test his skills against Tim in a game leading to:

Damian casually dropping hints around Tim that he also likes video games (cheese viking cheese viking) and Tim honestly hadn’t even thought about his streaming and video game stuff in years because god life got hectic, and they end up going to an arcade together to have some brotherly fighting in games and it’s actually very fun 

and can kinda… become their thing. They still fight all the time, they’re still not particularly close because there’s so much baggage to unpack there, BUT them having video games together as kind of a common ground and also it lets them beat the shit out of each other in a way without physical harm since its just in a game 

anyways thank u for coming to my TED talk

[madisonrooney]

hey, it’s your gcwca secret santa again. ⛄️ that song is so good! i can see why it’s your favorite. 💞

loved your video! i didn’t realize how many disney/animated movies had snow scenes. loved seeing httyd in there too!

i’m a big fan of descendants (aren’t we all in the gc? haha) who are your fave descendants characters (like maybe top 5)? would love to hear your thoughts on them, like what you love most about them. 👑

thank you! it started to get harder to think of snow scenes the further in i got lol. httyd is one of my favs!

ooo ok lets go

1. take a WILD guess. lmao mal obvs. beyond just my obvious bias, i do think she's a very layered and developed character and i loved watching her grow from one movie to the next. it's very captivating to see how she deals with her internalized self hatred and the expectations put on to her by her mother and later by all of auradon, and im sure dove pulls from her real life experiences when it comes to that. i also just take a liking to doves more snarky, badass roles (ie. maddie, ruby hale, etc.) 2. dude lol. listen i have had a weakness for talking dogs since i was born and while most of the fandom hated that he started talking i was all for it, especially since it was bobby moynihan who voiced him. granted he doesnt serve all that big of a purpose in the movies but he gets placed this high up simply bc talking dog + descendants = pandering to me. 3. carlos! he's just such a good friend and team player and so sweet. the more ive rewatched the movies, the more ive noticed little moments where he checks in on the other vks or compliments them. im doing my best to not factor in my opinions on the actors irl TOO much but cameron was the cast member i was closest to/got to know the best besides dove so i cant help but think of that when i watch carlos. dove i ofc sought out but cameron more sought ME out just bc of how friendly and giving he was to everyone. ill always cherish that. 4. evie! also a great friend and team player, especially in d3 where she's trying so hard to get everyone to get along. on the surface, she seems so put together and graceful but there are cracks in her shell as we notice in d2 when she's so scared to go back to the isle, and knowing how hard she tries to cover that up makes it all the more heartbreaking. im also a big malvie shipper so theres that, i love how she compliments mal. grumpy girl/bubbly girl is like my FAVORITE trope so naturally i love them together and as individuals. 5. ben! i think i said this last year but much like how everyone in gcwca is a descendants stan as you said, i think everyone is a ben stan too lol. he's just a sweet little puppy dog, i especially love how naive he is when he first gets to the isle. i also love bal and much like evie i think he's a great compliment to mal, but he's a great compliment to everyone honestly! as a good king should be.

who are your favorite descendants characters??

[dyketubbo]

vent under the readmore bc its too much for tags and too long + triggering to just let be out in the open. its about, you guessed it, the same shit as always. qpr 3m3raldduo discourse my beloved, youve been treating me so well /s

sighs. love seeing a post that i agree with just to look at ops tags and realize theyre fucking vaguing me and taking my words out of context. not to be dramatic but i would literally prefer being fucking dead if it meant i could stop being peoples controversial talking point. i know people might see this and just go "ohh you should take a break/go outside if criticism is effecting you that much :/" but at this point its just legit people fucking insulting me and talking behind my back and bringing shit up that i just want to let die by now.

ive been taking breaks, ive gone outside 50 goddamn times just today, ive tried to read books, ive tried to be social, ive taken care of myself as best as i can but this shit legit makes me want to just fucking kill myself so i dont have to see this anymore.

in all seriousness, and im sorry to be public about this, i feel like im genuinely having one of the worst relapses of my life because of this. im starting to feel how i did when i was being abused but this time instead of an abuser its strangers on the internet talking about me and somehow that just feels worse. and this time im actually fucking trying to get better, ive taken my meds, im trying to treat myself, im trying to distract myself and im trying to take a step back and do what makes me happy but every single day since that fucking post ive seen someone talk shit about me and it all comes crashing down again. i was actually fucking happy for once, i genuinely thought itd be okay, but now im just. suicidal again.

its all fucking reset. im so tired of being hated. i hate knowing that theres people talking about me right now. theres people talking about me. theres people insulting me, theres people who hate me, who are genuinely having fucking discourse because of me. god, theyre fucking watching me. people i dont know, people i cant know, theyre watching me, talking about me, theres genuinely people who could be searching for my fucking information right now and theres nothing i can do to stop them.

and in the end im just going to look like a whiny bitch trying to guilttrip people and play the victim. i hate this, i hate myself and i hate all the people who are making me feel this way. i just want to fucking end it, man. anything to just get them to stop.

at this point i doubt even deleting or apologizing would be enough. its not like i could be genuine about it. im just, tired. my delusions are starting to come true in front of my very eyes. im right to be paranoid, im finding evidence that i was right all along to be scared, to feel unsafe. and even if i leave, there will always be people talking about me, because itll still be around. it really does just feel like suicide is the only option so i can escape this shit because real life isnt any goddamn better, my family sucks, i only turned 16 last year and covids still a thing so its not like i can drive or move out or anything, schools a fucking nightmare, i dont have any irl friends because everyone my age is racist, queerphobic, ableist, or all of the above, and i cant tell everything to my therapist because i dont want to risk upsetting the peace at home right now. at this point its just like, shit, give them something to talk about, yknow? go out in a big burst and then be nothing for the rest of existence. i dont have any plans, nor anything to do it with, so im not in any danger. i just, want to. god, i really really want to.

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

[cozycornerwritings]

hi!! for the match up thing i’m indian-american, 5’6”-5’8” naturally rapunzel-length, wavy hair (brownish), glasses, brown eyes, corner dimples, aquarius, i’m an ambivert, i love video games, editing, reading, writing, sleeping lol, and i’m not good at drawing but i like doodles and coloring. i love k-pop (casual listener) and some non-kpop songs & i love watching a lot of anime & reading BL 🕴🏻 & manga. i get closed off in groups because i get anxious and i get negative thoughts and how i’m probably not even wanted there bc of bad experiences. in public i can get suuuper anxious because i’m rlly sheltered bc of my parents and i get all shaky. same like in public w/o my parents like i get shaky and an anxiety / panic attack and want to cry. ive never experienced things bc of my family like ‘normal’ stuff like the beach, traveling, ice skating, movie theaters and stuff. i hate it and i dont have the best relationship with my family they can be really toxic sometimes and the whole anxiety thing and that makes me feel really depressive and su*cidal sometimes for a while. i love physical affection and being shown that or told words affirmation. but irl i get awkward and shy w physical affection bc ive never experienced it and idk how to do it. im good thru text, irl i can keep a convo going. thru calls i get shy and nervous, especially if it’s the opposite gender. my face gets red easily like i blush a lot and it’s not hard to make me flustered lol. when i get like that or don’t know how to respond i just giggle bc idk what to do or say. if im sad and going thru it i make jokes to cover it up and laugh it off, one time someone just asked ‘are you ok’ after i did and my voice cracked ‘no not really’ and i started crying 😃 i keep stuff to myself (unless i trust that person to tell them stuff nd open up to them) i do have trust issues and i’ve never rlly had friends irl my parents are strict and never let me go out. online i dont rly have much friends either. im rlly observant, and like descriptive / detailed as u can tell 😭 kinda sucks thoo because a lot of people don’t read what i say bc they said they cant b bothered n it’s too long but i just get rlly engrossed into things & dont half-ass stuff and just wanna explain everything properly 😭 i can be sassy and give attitude, and i can be mean. BUT i never do that to someone unless they did me dirty. i dont like arguing. that side of me can be shown thru arguments but only again like if the other person is doing the same and is being mean and disrespectful to me first. i do have a lot of patience and endure things until it’s become like a problem? i make sure to communicate. i never ignore people, i’m not petty unless i have a good reason if they did something to me. i’m really funny i swear 😭 and i can be emotional / sensitive depending on what it is but i know when someone is joking but i know when things are taken too far and i have boundaries. i take caution when meeting people bc trust issues so i’m not that clingy unless i 100% like can count on them and comfortable with them trust them etc. i like teasing friends but just for fun and won’t take it far and make them upset or anything. if i ever hurt someone which i make sure not to i feel super bad and apologize a lot and make sure to never do it again. i try to keep my cool to refrain keeping myself from getting mad but the times i have gotten mad are reasonable and it has to be something super upsetting for me, i dont get mad w/o reason though and i start to angry-cry and yell but i try not to say anything that ill regret and make sure to think of what im saying. i love memes, idk how to describe my humor tho 😭, i’m diligent and considerate! i try to show i care thru actions and words of affirmation and quality time etc. i make sure to remember important stuff someone tells me abt themselves. i have a really good memory i don’t forget things that easily. i care for others a lot and im trying to take care of myself more now too but it can be hard. i’m not a liar i can be really blunt and honest. SORRY ITS LONG 😭

I match you with..

Lemillion!

I’m a firm believer that understanding opposites can bring out the best in each other. Mirio helps you come out of your shell. He loves to stroke your hair, and sometimes playfully pulls it. He is your partner and your best friend, so doing thinks like Pictionary or playing games today are a common occurrence. Joking and cuddling turns into a must for the two of you and you discover how much you love your head pet. His dependable personality provides a safe place for you, and you get the chance to trust in someone fully.

He appreciates how you are careful to watch how you act when you are upset, but loves how full of emotion you are. Seeing you cry breaks him on the inside and he just wants to scoop you up into hugs. Knowing that you have that big goof there helps you with your social anxiety. If someone is talking too much to you and he sees you getting overwhelmed, he will skillfully direct conversation away from you. Mirio gets very protective of you around your family. He constantly holds your hand and you two have established a safe word in case you want to leave. Mirio is more than happy to scoop you into his arms and run away with you. He is so emotionally intelligent and sensitive with you that you feel so safe and secure. If you could use one word to describe him it would be ‘home’. For the first time in a long time you begin to realize what family is, it’s mirio.

Knowing that you haven’t tried many things, you two make an effort to try new experiences together. He often flirts with you, despite the fact you two are together. He brings out the more sexual side of you. You compliment him and flatter him. He loves how much you appreciate him. You two take care of each other and your time is full of laughs.

[luminois]

OKAY OKAY SO-

(warning ive thought about this a bit too much so i’m so sorry 😭)

8 member co-ed group (4 guys and 4 girls). okay so nationality-wise 5 members are korean, 1 is canadian, 1 member is american and 1 is english (moi 😌). there’s either no leader or it’s me bc i think it’d be cool to have a maknae leader and i’m a pretty natural leader in most situations but also leaders have so much extra pressure on them 😭

i’d love to be the shortest and the maknae (is it because i get all of my validation from being seen as cute? yes, yes it is 😌). and i’d still be called arabella but my stage name would be ari. i also want the group to produce their own songs and me + another member would be the main producers as well as write all of the lyrics. irl i think i have a nice voice but i’d love to be the tinee™️ 4’11™️ sweet™️ babie™️ who can just straight up rap at the speed of lightning 😌. dance-wise, i’m too young to go to clubs so i haven’t developed that skill yet 😔 but in this scenario i think i’d be good but not the main or the lead yk? and i’d love to be a vocalist but i’m still to attached to the idea i have in my head of being a rapper so i’d say i sometimes sing in songs, but i also have a youtube chanel where i release song covers 😌. so, positions: main rapper, lead/sub vocalist (still haven’t decided yet), sub dancer and main producer.

ive tried to come up with a group name and that’s just impossible but maybe aurum? and then auroras for fans??? and then you know how individual members have “fandom names” (not solo stans) i’d really like mine to be sunflowers 🥺.

i’d probably get cancelled by knetz on the daily bc i’m a very naturally confrontational person so i physically wouldn’t be able to stop myself for calling *cough* american *cough* interviewers when they’re rude or disrespectful lol.

i touched on this before but i’d love to have a really casually close relationship with the fans if that makes sense? (let’s pretend saesangs don’t exist lol). but i’m talking, i have youtube channel where i post covers of songs, do q+a’s and try challenges ect, just like, really wholesome down to earth stuff yk? and i’d have a discord for fans so we could all chat 🥺. i’d also love to be friends with other idols and have them on my channel!! (pls a rap collab with me, changbin and mingi (from ateez) that we release on my channel has been living in my head RENT FREE).

i’m sorry i’ve written so much 😭 this isn’t even all of it but this is way too long already 😭 thank you 🥺

we do need more co-ed groups actually also collabs between boy and girl groups but like serious song collabs not inkigayo stages and shit i want MVs 💆‍♀️ also this is surprisingly specific i am OVERWHELMED but i’d be a fan no cap PLUS IM ALREADY CALLED LIKE A STAN LMAOOOOO

[tempestuous-cosplay]

just cuz

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

13? somewhere around there.

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

if I try hard enough, yeah, but off the cuff, no

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

My first Bf, and hahahaha no. Not at all.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

a close friend and i took MDMA and fucked for, like, 4 hours and it was lovely.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

this guy i banged in collage who was just bony, small, boring, and ignored me after.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In a tent? Or the time in a church.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

I don't have any fun or interesting stories about that.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

NOPE

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

around middle school or early highschool but it was very rare bc i didn't get much from it. But the first time I actually orgasmed was when I hit 22 and got on T. then jacking it became a regular thing.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

My dad walked in right before I was about to get started. that was the worst.

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

weird and complicated but friendly

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

a solid 95% of my relationships have been queer. Only 1 wasn't.

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

Just one. Gross

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

the moment i knew it was something that was possible. so very early.

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

p much

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

I don't really date. But I made my friends through cosplay and then by meeting their friends and it just keeps going.

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

They always knew. I never really "Came out". I have p chill parents

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

Duh. I've slept with a number of them.

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

Much better than my first straight kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

My queer platonic partner :3

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

happier than i was and on my way to making it exactly how I want. Tho i do wish I was taller.

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

my eyes are very pretty

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

I don't do jack shit. Im lazy

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

Some where my tits used to be, inner thighs, and my love handles.

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

theyre kinda lopsided bc of how they were reattached during top surgery. the right one is super sensitive to touch and its kinda painful bc NERVE DAMAGE and the left one is totally numb

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

supper innie. I, like, don't have an inner labia at all. Its WEIRD

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

Yeah bc my clit is HUGE now thanks to T. It gets HARD

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

its, like, an inch an a half long and really small :3. I like it

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yeah, its kinda tart

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

Back when I had them, the left one was a lil bigger than the right one, but i had huge badonkers. Just MASSIVE. They were nearly perfect, but they were on me, so it was horrible.

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

consensual non-consent in fiction. I don;t think i could do it IRL.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

It fluxuates, but mostly its very fantasy.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

The Devil from The Arcana

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

it fluxtuates, but horny daydreams are common

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

sometimes, yeah

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

it actually doesn't more than it does.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

nah

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Hozier has had more than one sex dream in my head.

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

oh sure. thats p normal.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

hah, no. THats too much to type.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

im fine with it

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

probably being a living sex doll

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Im not the biggest fan of either but I would rather receiving bc im too scared of accidentally really hurting someone

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

Im a sub leaning switch.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

got tied up in cosplay for a photoshoot.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

nope but i've been called daddy

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

cum, blood, and spit to a small degree.

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

not yet tbh.

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

nah, not really

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

OOF!!! A good several hundred dollars. Like...... its a fairly high number.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

I have a few times!!

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

no, that I haven't managed.

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

HAH I WISH but no

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Nice slow strokes on my clit like a dick with some gentle rubbing on the lips.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

One is numb and one is very painful. So no.

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Jacking it. I almost never cum with a partner. Sex is more for bonding than personal pleasure tbh.

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

A few times, yeah!!

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

rough ish??

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

the few times ive squirted.

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

took until i was 22

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

YES!! Its a good mouth feel.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

not sure yet.

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

suck and wiggle. suck and wiggle

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

theyre about the same amount of effort for me.

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

too much teeth.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

I was..... on some drug or another, can't remember what, and bro, i mELTED

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

rarely but sometimes

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

not much? but its fine

69. Do you like 69ing?

never tried, not super interested

70. Can you deep-throat?

anything smaller than 6" yeah.

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

yeah but it takes a lot for me to be willing to do it.

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

a phallic shaped kite handle (I was young and stupid)

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

sure

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

just a lil

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I was, again, on drugs a little under a year ago and let my best friend pop that particular cherry.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

im indifferent leaning on rather not.

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

nope

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

nope

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

not yet, hopefully never

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

not yet

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

got one coming up in about a week? but an orgy at a furry convention.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

sure have

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

yup, and YUP!!!

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

ehehehe yeh

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

both are fine!

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

nah, im too sexy for that

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

not yet but i WANNA

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

not yet :O,,,, WAIT!!! YEAH I HAVE!!!!

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

not yet but god I wanna

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

not yet

**BONUS DARES**

100. Send me $500.