#but lately even people I've followed from this blog have left and things just feel so different and quiet

[merigoldaround]

I miss Jimin. It's been a month without Face era (approximately).

[dira333]

Behind the scenes of a Tumblr Writer - Tag Game

Hey there, I love behind the scenes and since this is something that's rarely talked about, let me start the chain... if you feel uncomfortable with a question, just skip it. You can add some if you want as well.

Started writing: I wrote my first Harry Potter fanfic at age 10. Started posting around 15,16 years old. I'm now 31, so...

Started blogging: I started on a German fanfiction site around 2010/11 I think. Might have been earlier too, but back then I was mostly reading, no posting. I really started when I got into One Direction (very late, tbh)

Followers: Currently at 961, which is wild to me. I don't even know that many people IRL. I convince myself that half of them are bots tbh, so I don't freak out all the time.

Communication: The people I talk to regularly are: a few writers who answered after I constantly reblogged and commented on their works and a few people who commented and reblogged my work. Writing and blogging on here can be pretty lonely, depending on your personality and the time you're active (I'm from Europe and a lot of my followers seem to be living in Northern America, so there's the Timezone thing) ... And I found that the best way to strike a conversation is to reblog, comment, and to not be shy. I do wish I got more asks, though....

Likes: I actually filter them out. I have 793 original posts up at the moment. It doesn't give me anything to know how many likes a fic has other than to tell me which characters are liked more than others or maybe that one fic does especially well. My activity only shows me comments, asks, reblogs with tags, and answers to my own asks. I live for the tags and the comments.

Requests: I love talking to people about ideas. That's how I started the plotbunny game because I have so many ideas and so little time. And sometimes an idea just doesn't want to be written out fully. Requests are fun because YAY, I get some mail... but then I freak out because I don't really know how to write this NOW and then I freak out because it's been a week already, two weeks, wait, two months? I'd rather have suggestions where people tell me vague things like "I'd love to read something about this side character" or "Have you ever considered this character with a soulmate trope"? because then I don't have the feeling of failing the request when I write it a little bit differently.

Writing: I am a fast writer. I know that's one of my talents. I can churn out a oneshot of 1k words in less than an hour. People read slower than I write. That can suck sometimes because you've just posted this and you want to know what people are thinking but they're not as fast as you are. I do have a lot of ideas. I want to write constantly but my brain doesn't always want to. I am trying to respect that.

There are also certain things that I just feel wrong writing. I cannot write anything suggestive (I also don't like reading it) and everything past that gives me panic attacks. I can hardly write mean characters and jealousy feels so wrong to me that I cannot write it. I've also overdone it with the soulmark trope and now I feel like everything I write about it feels lifeless.

I write best in the mornings before going to work, but I don't have much time there. I don't need special music (but it helps), but I need to have at least some energy left and at best, no distractions. But I have been writing for over 20 years, so I will say experience helps a lot.

Tagging: @revasserium @shoulmate @lemurzsquad @screamin-abt-haikyuu @toomanygoldfish @satorisoup @emmyrosee @reverie-starlight @alienaiver and @writingsofanomnivore and everyone else who wants to join

[the-s1lly-corner]

Shut In (Eyeless Jack x reader oneshot!)

Basic plot: its really cold outside, and you urge Jack to stay in your home with you... he decides to stay despite knowing full well that he will be fine out in the freezing temperatures. You both decide to do things to pass the time and stay warm! Turns out Jack can make a mean cup of hot coco, too

Extra notes: I dont usually write fanfics, and the last one I've written was a personal one from late August... so to say I'm rusty and underexperienced is an understatement! I feel this one ended up a little.. weirdly paced imo but I think I'm still happy with the end result! Dialogue I feel I could have done better on but I'm going to be nice to myself since I mostly write hc posts so this is way out of my comfort zone.. Drafted on Tumblr then sent through google docs to pick up on some mistakes I missed, briefly reread no proper proof reading imo... lets hope this isnt a train wreck + it copied back to tumblr okay!! LMAO

Brief joke about pregnancy/making a pregnancy but its like one small snippet but I know that can make people uncomfortable + implies at least one of the characters is AFAB

Word Count: 2915

Extra Admin's note: I want to say again that I am so so happy about this blog hitting 1k followers, when I first started this blog I was originally going to use it to burn time and have something to do on the side, as well as having a place to put out my cringe ideas and hcs. I never thought this many people would be interested in my dumb thoughts, but here we are! I intend to keep writing this year, and perhaps even make more non-celebratory one shots this year? Maybe? I don't know I guess we'll see the reception on this fic!

It was the middle of the night, around the middle of January. Your boyfriend and you were holed up inside your apartment, you having locked the man up with you after seeing that it was below freezing out, as well as raining. You had to practically beg your boyfriend to stay with you for the night.

Your boyfriend, who also just so happened to be a man eating demon with tar dripping out of his hollowed out eye sockets. Your boyfriend, who was currently sitting still and staring forward, the only sound in the apartment coming from the dripping of your faucet. You had asked him to come visit you, it'd been a while... and he would never ever let you go to his cabin when it's this cold out. So here you both were now.

You pat the palms of your hands on your knees, sucking in one of your cheeks and working the flesh through your jaws for a moment. You were both technically stuck in the apartment now; you didn't want Jack to go out and risk getting sick, and Jack more than likely wouldn't want you to step out for the same reasons. So, you were both confined to what you already had within the space. You were about to open your mouth to speak but Jack broke the silence first. "You're shivering, do you want me to get some blankets?", blunt and almost robotic. He was never that expressive. "Or would you like to go to your room?" He added after a brief pause, his fangs poking just over his lip before he readjusted his mouth. You were both in the living room, sitting together on the couch; the front door to your left and a view of the kitchen to the right. You thought for a minute as your eyes lingered on the kitchen for a moment. You'd already eaten, before your partner arrived... but..

"That's fine, I'm probably going to make some hot coco," You pulled yourself up, stretching up. "Powdered stuff ooor..?" Jack mimicked you. You only shook your head, earning a disapproving look from him. "What?" You questioned, but he only dismissed you. "Why don't you get some blankets, I'll handle it," and he turned on his heel to make his way to the kitchen. "Maybe put on a movie, too, your choice." He added as his voice carried off. "Are you saying I can't cook?" You called back, following after him. No answer as he tugged out a pot. "I'll have you know-" you started once more

"Do you have half and half?" He was already opening your pantry to grab things.

"No, I don't,"

"Heavy cream? Whipping cream? Whatever it's called..." He mumbled as he placed various ingredients on the counter. Cocoa powder, vanilla, salt and sugar. You only nodded, and as he was about to begin working he paused. "Do you want anything else in it? Cinnamon? Nutmeg?" He paused and through gritted teeth, "Coffee?"

It was almost midnight, of course he would be opposed to you having caffeine so late.

"Cinnamon is fine," You watched him get to work. He measured everything out; even mixing the heavy cream with some milk to make a substitute for half and half.... was that really all it was? You weren't sure what you expected it to be, if it weren't..

He pulled his head up and stared at you. It was then that you noticed he had actually taken his mask off and set it at the end of the counter and out of the way. The black ooze dripping from his eyes was slow and posed little threat to dripping into your drink. He had a fistful of napkins on standby to dap his face dry should the flow quicken. "Aren't you going to get the blankets?"

You pat your hands on your thighs, pausing... watching him. His body had a warm glow on him from the old light bulb in the ceiling; it flickered every now and then. Under the yellowed light he almost looked healthy and alive, though there was no glint where his eyes should have been. His sharp nail tapping on the counter brought you back to the moment, blinking a few times. "Yeah.." you mumbled, defeated at the chance of making a drink for yourself stolen from you. But was that so bad?

You backed out of the kitchen, dragging your feet across the floor. Your apartment was.. a little on the smaller side so within a few steps you were in front of your bedroom door. You didn't really pay much attention to your surroundings as you shuffled through the blankets on the bed.. eventually you settled on just grabbing an arm full and waddling back to the living room, dumping everything you had grabbed onto the couch.

The house smelled of cinnamon and chocolate.. with a hint of vanilla.

Turning your gaze to the tv, your eyes scanned across the DVDs you had stacked messily. Nothing sounded good. "Is there anything you want specifically?" You called out as you settled yourself down criss cross in front of the tv and pulling all the cases onto the floor next to you. "Movie wise," You added as you pulled the first case into your hands. The DVD collection for Child's Play.. you had gotten it a few weeks ago, finding it on sale at your local store. You still hadn't popped it in to watch..

"I have.. Chucky, uhm..." You shuffled for the next case. "All the movies by the way.. I have that and.. most of the Friday the 13th movies," You called out. No answer, the only sound coming from the kitchen was the noise of a whisk gently being stirred. "I don't have Jason goes to hell... But!" You pulled out a third case with the Nightmare on Elm Street DVDs. "I DO have Freddy vs Jason," You mumbled and spread the three disks on the floor in front of you. Most of the disks you had, you noticed, were mostly older slasher movies. Still, Jack hadn't answered you. You pull yourself to your feet and trudge back into the kitchen. His back was to you, too preoccupied with the stove... He hadn't noticed you, not yet. An idea blossomed in your head, a smirk pulling itself across your lips. You steeled yourself, trying to force yourself to stop shivering.. Jack was always paying attention to his surroundings, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

You take a step forward and he still doesn't notice your approach.

Another step.

And another.

Jack wasn't the tallest, in fact if you wanted to you could rest your chin on his shoulder... and that's what you ended up doing, while wrapping your arms around his thick waist. You could feel his body seize up just a little bit against you, before relaxing. "You didn't answer, what sounds good?" You pulled your eyes down to look at the pot. Your drink was nearly finished. You view rocked as your boyfriend shrugged, still silent but the twitching of his pointed ears let you know he was listening.

"Anything's fine," Another shrug as he cuts the heat. "You're the one cooking for me, you get to pick the movie," You insisted. He paused mid-whisk, letting out a soft huff. Suddenly he spun around, his face just a few inches from yours. In the dimmed light his eye sockets seemed deeper, it's black ooze lazily dripping down his cheeks. You noticed the smudges on his face, from wiping the streaks. You briefly wondered what it was like to sleep with them, but your thoughts were cut short as he pulled a blackened and clawed hand to your hair; tucking a lock behind your ear. "How does...." He paused, sucking in his teeth. He looked almost embarrassed. "Bride of Chucky sound?"

"What? Want to study the characters again so we can dress up again this year for Halloween?" You tease. You had convinced him a few months ago to dress up with you. With him as Chucky, and you as Tiffany... It had taken some begging and convincing but you ultimately got him to agree. Although you didn't go out to get candy, you were both fine with staying inside watching movies together in costume. It was also that night you got him to watch the movies..

His ears darkened, before he scoffed. "No... actually this year I was thinking of..." He took a long pause, visibly scraping his brain for names of characters, before seemingly giving up. "Look I don't watch many movies I don't know any.. characters.." He grimaced, before gently pushing you off of him so he could turn his attention back to the hot cocoa. "We've still got nine months, more than enough time to come up with something..." You shrugged, then smirked. "Not enough time to make a Glen... or Glenda," You teased before turning on your heel. You held back a snicker as you heard Jack splutter, finally processing what you had just said to him.

"W-"

"I'm gonna go ahead and put in the disc, I'll leave it paused for you," You cut him off, still grinning to yourself as you kneeled down to do as you had said.

Soon enough Jack walked into the room with a mug, as well as a platter of cookies. "You didn't have to," You mumbled as you eyed the treats, but he only waved you off as he placed the plate and mug onto the coffee table. "You don't have to eat them, but I figured you might want a snack while watching the movie," He mumbled. You took the mug, and swirled the drink inside of it. "I hope I didn't put in too much cinnamon," Jack added as he watched you. He leaned over and started the movie.

You took a sip, smiling a little as the warmness crept in. "You did good, probably the best hot cocoa I've ever had." You offered a grin to him. "That has got to be the fakest compliment I've ever heard," Jack shot back, though you could see the corners of his mouth turning up just slightly. "Oh, I'm sorry! I believe this is the most decadent and satisfying beverage I've had ever been graced with in my life, and-" You began, only for Jack to hush you. "I'd rather you throw it on me, don't... say words like that again," He grumbled as readjusted himself into the couch. You took a sip and shrugged, "It's just absolutely immaculate," and he lightly smacked you on the arm. "I'm never making anything for you again," He snorted, before turning his attention to the movie.

You weren't going to lie, you felt a little bad treating yourself to the cookies, knowing Jack was unable to eat them without upsetting his stomach. Being a man-eating monster must really be hard. You purse your lips, and shoot a look at him from the corner of your eye. He must have been doing the same, because he turned his head to look at you. "Do you want to do something else?" He asked lightly, his grin from a few minutes ago already faded. "Do you ever miss eating.. food?" You asked before you could stop yourself. He didn't bother pausing the movie, instead he just fell silent and stared down, into the space between the two of you on the couch.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up, I know it's a touchy subject for you," You mumbled and put the mug on the table. You sucked in the air between your teeth, flicking your eyes up to the movie, before bringing them back down to your lap. It stayed like that for a minute before Jack broke the silence. "I mean... yeah, I do. But at least I don't have to eat every day like you do, means I can have more time to do what I want," He said. Clearly, he was still bothered, tip-toeing around the big.. thing about him. The air was still tense and thick, all of the previous joking gone now. It was nearly unbearable. Nearly.

"You know," Jack began after a few more seconds of silence when you didn't reply. "I've never tried cinnamon in hot cocoa, I didn't know that was a thing people did," He was changing the subject. "You haven't?" You asked, raising a brow. He eyed your mug, but you both knew there was no way he was going to take a sip.

"It's really good," You mumbled, and took the drink, "The combo, I mean," You added. He hummed, patting his knees lightly. You swirled the drink again, watching the... what was it called? Those lighter swirls in the drink.. Did that have a name?

"You've had hot cocoa before, right?" You asked. He hummed again, nodding his head. "Well.. the cinnamon makes it warm. Taste wise.. It makes it.." You took a sip and thought for a minute. "Richer, I guess? It's hard to explain," You muttered, then looked back at him. You tore your eyes back down when you saw he was looking right at you, totally hooked onto your words. "I hear nutmeg goes good in it, too.. but I've only tried nutmeg and chocolate together in baked goods," You shrugged. "You did really good with this, you know... not too much cinnamon.. not spicy, at least." You smiled. He nodded, before turning back to the movie.

"Woody, I hear people describe cinnamon like that," He leaned back into the couch, a dull pop came from his back.

"Woody," You repeated, then took a large sip of the hot cocoa. You put the mug down onto the table, and leaned into your boyfriend as the warmth crept and settled into your bones. You weren't even paying attention to the movie, your mind was now occupied with how tired you were. Your eyes slipped up to the clock on the wall, It was nearly one in the morning. Had it only been an hour since Jack walked himself into the kitchen?

You lean deeper into Jack, not caring about his body's natural chill. His clothing still smelled a little like the cocoa from earlier.. "Gotta invest in some cologne, you smell nice like this," You mumbled into his arm. "The cinnamon?" He asked, not looking down at you. "No.. the cocoa, I mean cinnamon would be a nice touch... but you don't seem like a sweet smelling guy, do you?" You muttered. "Are you already getting tired?" Jack asked, and he leaned over you to grab the remote, pausing the movie. You muttered, the heat of the hot cocoa doing way more than you expected on the tiredness you didn't notice you had. "A little," You shrugged, "But we can still try to finish the movie," You offered, but he shook his head. Of course he would, as much of a hard ass or party pooper he came off as, he was going to make sure you were going to get your rest.

You put your hand in his, the one that had the remote.. you unpaused the movie. He paused it, and you unpaused it again. It kind of kept up like this before Jack conceited and kept it playing, although he did lower the volume.. The subtitles were already on, though. "I win," You smirked up at him, before crawling into his lap. You placed your head on his chest, pausing when you felt him stiffen before relaxing against you. His heart beat for a moment before settling to its barely there rhythm. For a minute you thought about asking about his heart, as far as you knew he explained himself like he was becoming a walking corpse... how does that work?

You decided against it, you already asked about him earlier.. and besides, your mind was already beginning to blank as Jack reached to the side of the couch, and turned the lamp off.. It was dark now. It was still raining, you could more clearly hear the drops outside now that the movie was turned down. Plus, Jack was running his fingers through your hair, lightly massaging your scalp. It wouldn't be long until you finally gave in and fell asleep.

"Are you going to still be here in the morning?" You asked, melting into his chest as he hummed in response. "Plan on it, I still need to clean up the kitchen," He added as he curled your hair around his hand. "It'll still be cold in the morning," He added, "I need to make sure you bundle up before you go out for work," He added. "I'm not that dumb," You muttered and lightly slapped his arm. You swear, if he still had his eyes he would have rolled them.

"How do you see? I know you're not.. a normal person, but," You blurted out, lifting your head. He pushed your face back down, shushing you. "Sleep," He ordered, before loosening his hold on you a bit so you could get comfortable. It wasn't an order but it may as well have been with how your body started to loosen into him within the next few minutes, quickly snuffling out your curiosity and questions.

He'd still be here in the morning, you could pester him then. After all, it's what he signed up for when the two of you started to date one another..

[angelxd-3303]

Tw: kind of a vent, mention of depression and anxiety.

I'm sure you've all noticed by now that I haven't been posting a whole lot as of late. To be honest, I've kind of been avoiding this blog, not because of anything my followers did, but mainly because I kind of lost the meaning of my art.

I started using Tumblr exclusively to use the messaging feature to chat with my partner four years ago, but decided to share some of my art, just for fun. I wanted to make people happy, wanted to use my art and writing to not only convey how I felt and what I was experiencing, but to help those going through something similar feel heard and seen. I feel like I have achieved that, in some cases, and it makes me feel good to know that I've made someone's day, or that my writing made them feel understood.

As time progressed though, I began to feel like I had an obligation. Art and writing began to feel more like a chore, and that combined with my resurfacing depression and anxiety made it nearly impossible to even pick up the pencil. It seemed more draining than anything, and the art I did make I didn't share because it reflected my mental state in a deep and personal way.

Tldr, I'm sorry to all the people who have been waiting for updates to my stories, or more Mario content in general, or answers to their asks. It's not that I don't want to finish them, or make more content. It's just that I've realized that my lack of motivation is coming from the fact that I'm making art that I think others want, and not art that I want.

I've been rediscovering Undertale lately, reminded of how amazing the game is and how deep the storyline is, and I want to make more content for that. I'm big into weirdcore and would like to explore it as a style. I want to revisit Dhmis and expand on their story. There's so much I wanna do, but I've been holding myself back and trying to make myself as enthusiastic about Mario as I was before. The truth is, hyperfixations come and go for me, and that's ok. Mario will probably come back here and there, but I'm gonna try to focus on the stuff that I wanna do, because that's when my art is best, and when I feel the best making it. I can't tell you how satisfying it was to draw that piece with Asriel and his parents! I was into Undertale when it first blew up, my friend and I, but left when the fandom began to get toxic. It's so sad to me how disturbed it was, but now I'm much wiser with regards to internet safety, and I know to avoid certain things.

It's very nostalgic for me to rediscover the game, the music I listened to on loop years ago, the amazing artists who had a pure and genuine love for the characters, all of it.

In short, Mario isn't gone, they're just off enjoying their happy ending for awhile before they feel like visiting again. Again, I hope you all understand, and can find content you love from my blog! From now on though, I'm gonna try to avoid forcing myself to make content I don't love. Because from the beginning my art has been an escape that made me happy. If it doesn't make me happy, what's the point lol?

I love and appreciate you all so much,and I hope you can understand this word vomit. Hope you all have a lovely day.

[ayahimes]

𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

hi friends ! i know i'm a bit late with my post but i still wanted to post something regardless . 2023 had been one of the hardest years of my life thus far outside of the rpc , and even in it to be honest . i lost some good friends but gained some too . i've gotten to know so many of you on a deeper level and bonded with a lot of you over shared interests . so many of you have been patient with me on this blog because of school and for that i am immensely thankful ; i know you all followed because of your interest to write and i do apologize for not being able to fully deliver that due to my busy schedule . however , i do want to allot some time this year to be better about my time management . i honestly can't wait to see what this year brings !

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐘𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

@diaboelic : courtney . one of my best friends . i know i can write essays on why i am so happy to have you in my life but i promise i'll condense it . it's so crazy to me that we've been friends for almost two full years . it's wild because it honestly feels much longer . i know we're both busy making big moves and even if we don't talk every day i am always rooting for you . you're so down to earth and somehow understand how i'm feeling without me having to say it . please keep sending me fanart and spamming me with ig reels . i take forever to look at them sometimes but i love them !! also , im sorry you lost your streak in duolingo but i still think you're ahead of me by like 4 days everytime i do it . COURTNEY - SAN WA WATASHINO SUKINA HITORIDE ( i think this was right but probably not lmfao ) . i can't wait to hopefully explore japan with you . fingers crossed it's this year haha

@visionhcld : b , i will always write nice things about you no matter what . you've been my friend for like .... what .... this would be 6 years ?!!! GOD . you've seen the best and the worst . crazy to think that we made it !!!!! i love you so damn much and i am so lucky to have you in my life . i know we don't write a million active threads atm or talk every day like we used to , but i assure you it doesn't change our friendship . i love being able to pick up where we left off like nothing ever happened tbh . some people don't have that and tbh , i'm so fortunate to have found that with you . we have a ridiculous amount of inside jokes and years of history to pick apart but i leave you with one . jejota !!!

@fairesky : shado . we found each other through the funniest circumstances but i am so happy we did . you have been one of my closest friends these last two years and through you i met some other amazingly wonderful people ( cough leon cough ) . your kindness is immeasurable and i have truly learned so much from you because of it . you've taught me how to be nicer , how to be a better friend , how to care for others in a way i'd like to be treated , and just overall improved my life the last year with your presence . i love you so much and i'm really happy to have gotten to know you better over the course of 2023 . who else will i be an absolute simp with if not you haha

@iirath: essek , i know you're already aware but i am so damn happy to have gotten to know you better over the last year , even more so the last few months . i enjoy talking to you about life and getting to learn about who you are beyond the surface level . you're honestly SO tilt proof ( lmaoooo ) and surely never get mad when we play league . SURELY . thanks for speed running stardew valley with me and letting me run around not knowing what to do while you carry our farm to its greatest potential . you really have become one of my good friends and please know i always look forward to your good morning message in the server with the tired cat emoji haha

@shokutsus : LEON !!!!!!! ayaki will always reign supreme and have the best ship name . i will fight anyone who says otherwise . okay but let me just say i fucking love you dude . i know we haven't had a chance to have our tea talks on fortnite the last few months but i admit , those were some of my favorites . you've helped me through some really tough times and been there for me as a friend when i needed someone the most . i really enjoy thinking of the wildest plot lines for our characters while sleep deprived and playing fortnite ( tbh crackabella and anakin lore was big brained of us ) or discussing with kaine and courtney which part of the centipede we'd be . weird shit but i laugh typing it out lol . okay but fr i want this year to be the best one yet for you !! ps . send more pixel photos

@rosahope : fae , thank you for becoming one of my good friends this year . i'm so blessed to have met someone as grounded as you and i don't tell you enough . i know i'm too much sometimes and impulsive af , but you are my voice of reason and i appreciate it so damn much . you've helped me think outside the box and take things one step at a time . you're one of the realest people and i always welcome your honesty even if it's not something i may initially agree with . tbh i think that's what makes you such a good friends because you're transparent with me . i really am so happy for your big moves with your new job and i am always rooting for you no matter what !! you'll always be my chibiusa and my jessie <3

@prettyguardian : niniiiiiii . firstly , thank you for coming into my life and being such an amazing friend . i admire your tenacity , your creativity , your openness , your vulnerability . the list goes on . you've been there for me when i sought some direction in my life and for that i want to thank you . i know we have yet to write more aerti things but please know i will always gladly write them with you . you've helped me heal with ff . i know that sentence may sound silly at some level but it is a big thing . really !! your friendship has only added improvement within my life and i can't wait to see where it goes this year . sending you all the good vibes for 2024 !!

@cybrvce : light !!!! i'm so fortunate to have gotten to know you more over the last year and actually write with you . your characterization is truly amazing and i'm always impressed with everything you write . yes im slow as molasses but i promise it doesn't mean it's because i don't care !! i just want to write for you when i'm at my best because i want to give you quality writing !! thank you for being patient with me though . you're so kind <3 i'm genuinely so excited to start this year with your friendship !!

@deadn30n : LOOK HERE ALEXANDRA . YOU MADE IT ON THIS LIST BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST A GEM . i know we only recently became friends but in that short amount of time we bonded by playing league for like 5 hours straight lmfao . thank you for feeling comfortable enough to ask me for advice and direction though . it means a lot to me more than you know !! also i am here to write yone and kai'sa mutually fangirling/fanboying over each other . that thread is so cute and i am excited to see where it goes . ALSO I'M A NOOB AT XIV SO YOU'VE BEEN WARNED . heck im just bad at all video games lmao . but i look forward to playing them with you !!!!

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐈 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

i can't write about everyone , but i can sure as hell tag you all . please know that even if we haven't actively written it doesn't mean i don't want to . i still support you as a writer and creator and enjoy seeing you on my dash !! i have hopes that maybe we can write some day ! but i know we're all busy or overwhelmed with things outside of the rpc so there's obviously no rush . and if we have written or talked then please know that you have truly made my experience here something amazing . i was always a bit scared to come back to such a big fandom , but so many of you have welcomed me in writing ayaka and given me the opportunity to explore her more . so thank you <3

@zaihuos , @autymns , @wcvensouls , @enjomo , @todestochter , @yizao , @ungest , @raikuro , @tealsteel , @sourcewater , @dcndrohime , @rikyos , @nekasu , @meropidas , @scarletooyoroi , @viaetor , @abyssin , @crownlcsking , @raytm , @iedolon , @noctumsilenced , @noctuafought , @capravulpes , @liightbringr , @chiheru , @foliarlight , @mercyburned , @apocryphis , @anostos , @theoneandonii , @gonguji , @sinspast , @mellodiies , @pietys , @knghted , @dualisume , @artificeheart , @erabundus , @momijiba, @supportingfire , @cloudhymn , and honestly all of you .

[shirtlessradfahrer]

So I've been politically active since before I was even eligible to vote. I've followed North American politics near religiously since 2014, and I've been a card-carrying member of my country's most prominent left-wing party since before the start of the pandemic. I barely slept at all during the week Ukraine was full-scale invaded, and I've been stressed about it every day for the last two years, given that my grandfather was born there and I've very much wanted to visit someday. And this was all before the horrific debacle of October 7th, and the subsequent atrocities committed against Gaza practically every day since. Lately I've weaned myself off a lot of international news and been more active in local politics because that's where I feel my efforts have been more effective, but...

...the reality is I am tired. I am so fucking tired.

I blacklisted just about everything remotely political when I made this blog because I wanted this space to be my escape from all of that. He is my escape from all of that. A badly needed one, because between the state of the world, the state of my country, the state of my workplace and the state of my personal life, my mental health has been....not very good for most of this decade and last.

I know this is unhealthily cynical, but as someone who had some pretty shitty friends in the past, and continues to have some incredibly shitty family members, including my own father (who, despite having Käärijä levels of charisma and putting on an excellent act in public, has repeatedly hurt me and let me and others down when we needed him most)....I expect famous people I admire to disappoint me. I very much expect famous men I admire to disappoint me. It may be in three days, or in three months, or in three years, or in thirty years, but it will happen at least once, if not multiple times.

Which is why I don’t-and never have-looked up to musicians or any other celebrity for guidance on my political or moral beliefs. It's a surefire way to set yourself up for not only disappointment but feelings of betrayal towards someone who was never "loyal" to you in the first place. And I wish so many people didn't learn that lesson far too late.

I don't like Jere Mikael Pöyhönen because of his insightful commentary on the state of geopolitics. To be extremely blunt, I like him because he's hot and he entertains me, both of which bring me happiness. Once I no longer feel that happiness, I'll move on to other interests, just as I always have. It would be very nice, however, if that day came in thirty years rather than in three. Which is why I felt relief when he expressed his wish to remain politically neutral, even regarding politics in his own country.

That being said....am I disappointed he went to you-know-what? Yes, for reasons both political and non-political. Am I disappointed that he willingly interacted on camera with you-know-who? Yes. In fact there are several things he has done and people he has associated with that I'm not particularly happy about. But in this case do I understand WHY he went and why he interacted with them? Also yes.

I don't believe he had any malicious intent, quite the opposite. His kindness is both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness-he is kind to the point that he foolishly undermines his own credibility. I don't know if there's an equivalent of Hanlon's Razor in Finnish but it goes "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity".

And.....well. This is a guy who couldn't tell the Ukrainian esc23 representatives from the Greek ones. Who didn't know what the trans flag was until he was personally handed one last year. Who, AFAIK, has never received any sort of higher education (vocational school would still sort of be considered such where I live, but whatever) not that that automatically makes someone "smart" and others "stupid", but it can and often does help with understanding international issues. And based on my overall experience with hockey fans/players (of which he's both)...they typically aren't terminally online debating anything besides individual player and team statistics.

So I'm not shocked that he didn't think about how Just Being Nice on camera with that representative would look to others outside of his own bubble. How that would not have looked particularly "neutral". But he should have, considering this isn't the first time he's had to deal with angry internet mobs coming after him for a relatively minor mistake. Considering his favourite band got into very hot water last year and dealt with the controversy very poorly for too long.

Is it fair that I can block some tags, turn off the tv, and get on with my day, while he has to worry about his image the moment he leaves home? No. But...this is the inevitable downside of the life he wanted. Unlike me, he now has an audience of millions, a not-insignificant number of whom are going to be thinking about this stuff, meaning he needs to as well. And if not, he needs to pay someone to think about it for him. Goodness knows he can afford it now. I can do without all that pyro if it means none of us have another week like this one.

[beomsl]

.

i know this is nobody's business and probably no one even cares in the first place, but i just wanted to use this space to rant a bit cause i need to get it off my chest.

i've been dealing with a lot lately. simple things like college, job, brother issues, friends issues too, money; but also more serious matters like health and loss. my cousin has been sick for a couple of weeks and recently he passed away, which was completely heartbreaking to everyone cause he was my age and it looked like he was just getting better. i'm destroyed, i'm really struggling and on top of that my birthday was just a few days ago and i felt so down. i feel lonely. thankfully i have a beautiful family, but still, i feel very left out, unwanted, unappreciated, unsupported, just so so lonely. i don't even feel well when i come here anymore, and i don't think it's a time where i should be adding more negativity into my life.

this being said, i think i'm going to take an undefined time away from tumblr. i don't want to go back to old habits to suppress my anxiety, and lately anxious is the only way i've been feeling when i open this app. all social media actually, but this one is the one i'm most attached to and people who's been following me for some years now know that cause i always end up coming back, so it really hurts me how sick this place makes me lately :( i won't deactivate cause i don't want to lose the good memories i made here, but honestly, i really would.

sorry for the ranting. i know this is too personal, but i just needed to let it out and after all, this is my blog. thank you to the mutuals that have been nice to me from the start, when i first made this silly blog :') i really love you and you'll be on my heart forever. hopefully, i'll come back later. if not, thank you for all the special moments <3 take care!

[stillgotme]

Been pretty quiet the past month and I don't know if there's really anyone that's still stuck around to see what I do next, but I'm still here! And the reason I haven't been posting as much is because I've been planning and I’m here to make some quick announcements for how 2024’s gonna go on this blog moving forward.

First things first....Karaoke Secrets is going on hiatus and this was what I was embarrassed to say because this story has barely taken off yet I’ve already had two big gaps in between posts and we still haven’t gotten anywhere. Oof. 

I admit, I kinda went overboard with adding a third story when I haven’t even finished the other two. Not to mention, because this one was more driven by fun and me needing a break from my usual stuff, I’ve faced the realization that this story isn’t as developed. It’s why I unfortunately hit a creative wall with it and along with the struggle of trying to do 3 stories at once, my inspo just isn’t with it at the moment. 

Don’t get me wrong, though, I still very much love this story! But I gotta really sit down and figure out an outline for it. I do prefer some sort of structure and I don’t have the full structure yet, so it’s best to put this thing to halt and see what I really want to do with it. Maybe one day when I’ve gotten the inspiration again and I’ve tightened some rough spots, then I can come back to it. For now, it’s on a break. And don’t worry, you will still see Risa and Akira every once in a while when I do some edits. I hope you understand.

BUT NOW THE GOOD NEWS:

AFTER FOUR LONG YEARS, REDEMPTION IS FINALLY MAKING A RETURN. Now, despite my lack of storytelling since the pandemic, I’m letting you all know that in the background I never actually stopped writing. I was still going over scenes for this story, writing dialogue, even going back to old scenes and writing in depth prose for them to get more in touch with my characters. 

This story is so dear to me and the inspiration has called me for the past few months. And thanks to the lovely people in the writing discord I’ve joined, that storytelling spark has finally come back. What held me back was the worry over Karaoke Secrets, but I needed to stop forcing myself to treat this like a job and follow my inspo. 

So we’re picking up where we left off. To new and old readers, I will do a summary post that tells you the story so far. I understand not everyone has the time to sit down and read and you are in no way obligated to do that so you’ll have the option to get a recap. That way we’re all on the same page by the time the story returns. And if you do wanna read from the beginning, be my guest!

Thank you to everyone that’s taken the time to read this and stick around. I understand I’ve been so messy with storytelling lately because of real life, but it really feels different now. I’m genuinely excited to get back to telling this story that’s been in my head since 2018 and hope you’ll join me in this crazy journey (again). And shoutout to the writing group for giving me the motivation. It may not have seemed like much, but your support has led me to fully get my storytelling back out there. 

I love you all 💖

[d1ana-m0nd]

Lately, I've noticing an influx on the number of notes and my follower count that I am receiving, because of my fanfiction series called "The Servant". Its most likely because of the release TUA S4, most of you guys probably came across my work due to chance or the 'algorithm' (I have no idea how Tumblr works 😅). I am very thankful for your support of the fanfic series and to my blog.

However, I have come to be the bearer of bad news. I will not continue writing "The Servant", it is officially discontinued.

I'm discontinuing the fanfic because as much as I love TUA S1-S3, S4 left a bad taste in my mouth. The way it was written and how the subplots were handled pissed me off, it didn't help either that most of the characters (Besides Allison, Klaus, Viktor / Victor) were butchered in my eyes because of how mishandled the writing was.

Now, I can probably tell what your gonna say. 'Why not just write your own season 4? ' or 'Why not just write S1-S3 then for S4 focus on writing about Five and Y/N's relationship? '

Here's the thing, I am not confident in my own writing to be that good, that it makes everyone say 'Yeah, they would definitely do this.'

I understand that writing is purely subjective, it can be interpreted in different ways by different people; we all have different headcanons and perceive a character differently. So, at the end of the day, not everyone will be satisfied with what I wrote.

The thing is, I'm just more comfortable with writing a character who I can understand, relate to, and research on. Right now, the Five Hargreeves I watched on S4 feels like a different person, and I hate how short that season was, because I genuinely cannot fathom: how, what, why, and where, this Five Hargreeves came from. In addition, my hatred for cheaters most likely hindered my interest on the series, thus leading me to back away. 🤷‍♀️

I'm trying to practice to not be so methodical with my writing, and how I try to delve deeper into the story to understand the character. Unfortunately, that won't be happening on this fanfic because I'll be applying it on my other fics.

Moreover, it doesn't help that season 4 completely obliterated my fixation on the series. I am not satisfied with the ending. I hate how this specific season alone was written. I hate how I can't see the characters the same way ever again after that shit show. I hate how I can't even see the media that I once loved the same way ever again. In conclusion, TUA S4 made me lose interest on TUA and I don't plan on writing for it at this point. 😭

I sincerely apologize if you were looking forward to me updating "The Servant". I'm only letting you guys know because I don't want to get new readers hopes up, and you guys have every right to know if I planned to finish the fanfic or not. Doesn't help either that I feel guilty over the fact that a lot of people are following me, most of them most likely don't know that I don't intend on continuing the series. I also had to share my final verdict on whether the fanfic series was officially discontinued or not, so this announcement post was inevitable. 🥹

[24-7-testing]

For The People Who Are Still Alive...

Hey Portal Friends and Followers,

I hope you're all doing well! Lately, I've had something on my mind that I think it's time to share with you all. Over the past year or so, my life has taken some significant turns! Major events have included graduating from college, starting my career in Design Engineering, and getting married! Life has been an exciting roller coaster, and I'm enjoying all the fun new things.

However, among all the changes, I've also been contemplating my relationship with the Portal games and the Portal Fandom. Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been active on this blog for quite a while. The Testing Queue still goes out daily but, beyond that, I haven't been sharing new artwork or engaging as much. My YouTube channel, where I used to make Portal videos and build robots and props, has been on a long hiatus too. Everything Portal-related in my life just doesn’t seem as captivating as it used to be.

These days, when I think about Portal and all the things I used to do in the fandom, it conjures a strange feeling in me. On one hand, I still hold the story and characters dear, and I fondly remember all the fantastic fanart, interactions, and stories that I’ve seen as part of the fandom. But on the other hand, the fervor and eagerness I once had seem to have softened. It's like my passion has transformed from being a passionate superfan to a calmer and more passive enthusiast.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of transition in their fandom journey? If so, I'd love to hear how you dealt with it and any insights or suggestions you might have for me. Feel free to reply or DM.

These feelings have left me with a dilemma: what to do with my blog. I don't want to abandon it or delete it, but even refilling my queue is starting to feel tiresome. Plus, without active effort I'll eventually run out of posts to queue from my archive, so maintaining the queue alone is only a temporary solution. I've been toying with the idea of inviting someone who’s more active in the fandom to become a Moderator for the blog and keep it alive with fresh content, but I'm still uncertain about this option. If you have any feedback on that idea, please reply or DM.

So that's where I stand now. My life has taken me in a new direction and, while I still love Portal, I don't have the same time and energy to invest in the fandom as before. I'm eager to find a way to keep this blog alive in a way that feels authentic and will keep the content you all followed for going for the foreseeable future.

If any of you have encouraging words, suggestions, ideas, or thoughts, I'm all ears! Your support has meant the world to me, whether you've followed 24-7-testing since its inception in 2016 or if you just followed a few days ago. Please don’t be shy about replying or DMing me. I'm genuinely grateful for each one of you!

Rock On Portal Fandom!

- 24-7-testing

[princeanxious]

are you out of the TSS fandom for good, do you think? just burned out on lack of updates?

I mean, it's complicated.

Edit: pressed answer instead of save to drafts while trying to back out, tumblr what the fuck

Anyway, it's complicated. I've become burnt out creatively lately, and I've been part of the sanders sides Fandom since 2018, it's been a big portion of my life, I'm not letting it go that easily.

However, this is my main blog, and I cant really shift everything to a new side blog, so I do feel bad for those who followed me exclusively for sanders sides are now seeing a v distinct lack of it.

But for the most part, yeah, I'm burned out on a lack of updates, I was a fander creator doing as much as I could to create content to entertain myself just as much as for others in-between the hiatus-gaps while awaiting updates. I love these characters with all my heart, but every gap in between has gotten longer and longer, I can't keep waiting for a year at a time for one single update even if the finished product is grand and *absolutely worth* the time it took to make. I was scrambling, bc I no longer have the time I used to to create my own fanart and fanfiction and animatics for this fandom, and I can only reread the library of my favorite saved works over so many times before I feel hollow and under-stimulated.

It'd be one thing if the rest of the fandom was as active as it used to be, I bounce off others creative energy far easier than single handedly manifesting my own inspirations all the time. But it's not, and interaction with my own content slowed way down. (Not to say that I'm leaving just bc of this or anything, but its become a struggle to feel motivated to keep going when there's literally nothing new from Canon to keep riffing from.)

I have the want to finish my remaining fics, specifically The Lost Guardian in particular at the very least, but I just can't solely be a sanders sides blog like I used to be.

I'll be here when that season finale comes out, but at this rate of progression, I think Thomas has overestimated the fact that this could very well be a series finale, not season finale. And I've come to peace with that, if only Thomas would be more transparent abt it.

Sure, Thomas has other content, but funfact, I've had very relatively low interest in getting super into it, there isn't the same level of comfort in shipping characters of a single person with the versions themselves when other characters played by other people are involved, especially when u know that they are alot of his v close friends. I don't ship real world actors together, especially if they play a character very close to representing themselves. The characters they play, maybe, but that's why I'm far more entertained and comfortable with animated media.

In short, I'm tired and burnt out and for now-for *whatever* reason- the silly lanky clown jesters from fnaf have more of a grasp on my brain than sanders sides does. I'm following the serotonin.

I may still create sanders sides content in the future, but getting maybe 100-500 notes on a piece when u have a fandom following of roughly 11.5k followers from over the years has spoken volumes on how active the community is rn. I'm not leaving, but I can't be stagnant and hyperfixate on this anymore after doing so for almost 6 years straight. Yknow?

And for those who have always left a comment, shared my work, interacted with me in any capacity over the years in this fandom, and have made my time in this fandom worth while, thank you. I love you. U have made every second worth it💜

[birdofprey1234]

So I had a really bad dream today.

Going through tags about yourself is always kinda weird, but. It's meloncholy when the blog people are talking about isn't really around anymore. By your own choices but. The memories attached to it are then kind of flitty and detached because of that. Like you don't think about them anymore.

I saw posts where people were talking about me and like, sad that it seemed I was gone. Wondering what had happened or if I was still active somewhere.

I've gotten sentiments like that before. But like... usually it was asks sent to me, or thing directly from friends who said they missed my art. It's appreciated, and still baffling, but I guess that can feel kind of put-on for my feelings compared to... making a post talking about me, thinking I'll never see it. Making that post and like.... missing me in it. Talking about me nicely.

I've never experienced that feeling before. That like... true sweetness and appreciation and humbling kindness.

I'm thinking maybe a lot of people feel that way about my blog. Thinking about me on occasion and wondering what happened, or where I am. Not because they think I died or something but, because they liked me.

I always wanted to leave a mark on this community. By that I mean like, general tumblr but also specifically the ego fandom. A huge part of the reason I left is because from my perspective people weren't really digging what i was making. Maybe I felt i was an unpopular artist in the community, or that my work was kind of unliked compared to others. I felt constantly that I was making things that I loved and was super excited about, but people around me were never as excited, and didn't really care about the things I made. (And yk, to clarify, i felt like that looked bad on *me* not the people looking at my stuff)

I think the ego/mark fandom is generally less to actually interact with content or the people making it, ((at least compared to the other fandoms I've been in.)) I didn't know about the possible differences when I joined, so I just saw people not engagin with my art in the way I wanted and I assumed my art just suddenly wasnt enjoyed anymore.

I wanted to make a mark. All the art that I made, for me was about expanding on the stories and ideas about characters I loved. I wanted so badly for those ideas to be shared and talked about and remembered. Like I was a part of something. Egos was likr one of the first fandoms i ever joined that wasnt already "over".

When I left I really wanted to dissipear. I was in a very bad place for a lot of reasons but mainly i was upset and flustered and I wanted to get away from the blog because the size it had gotten to really scared me and made me anxious. I was having trouble motivating myself to create and I feel like there was a lot of resentment over my art that I now feel guilty for.

I felt at the time like dissipearing was impossible. Like this blog would somehow always follow me? I also thought that pretty much no one would care. That they would miss the art i drew but not me, like no one would care if it wasn't about the Content. But I'm m realizing. Maybe I really did dissipear. Maybe people wondered where I went. Maybe I just dropped off the map, completely went away, like I wanted to, but... maybe not everyone just ignored it, didnt notice or didnt care like I expected.

I've been going back and reading stuff about camp UA, how I apparently brought so many kids and people together and. At the time I didnt notice. I remember people telling me that, butbit never actually sunk in. It felt fake, like just nixe words. There were people asking about me after I left, sad I wasn't around. Friends lately started to tell me recently that from their perspectivesl I was really well loved in the fandom, that I was extremely popular even though at the time I didn't feel like it at all. Seeing things occasionally about my curly haired yancy or my trans abe etc and. People still recognizing i influenced these things, seeing my joys and my ideas still circulate, even though I felt like I had made no fandom impact at all. Even if its small it's there. And combining all of these things...

I don't know. It's really nice. Now that I have some distance, to actually view the things I did and see the influence maybe I didn't realize I had. To see actual good things that came out of my blog. People...cared? Maybe they always cared and I just didn't have the perspective to recognize it. Like...joy that I've caused people. People calling my queer posts "classics", or that they made them feel good in their identity. People referencing specific ego posts i made, people missing me and wondering where I'd gone. People in old posts mentioning me by name, like I was a recognizable friend of the "family". People clearly...liking me. I don't know. Caring? Seeing me as me and not just an art funnel. I never felt that way while I was making art. I feel now like I had so many blindspots while I was running this blog and I'm not even sure why.

It feels incredibly selfish, to be honest. Super high and mighty and self aggrandizing that I'm saying all this. like..."ohhh i didn't get the response i wannnted :( and that made me saaaddd :((((" like, I don't deserve any specific treatment. I'm not "owed" any response from people. I'm not even owed recognition after the fact. I'm not owed care or interest or any of this.

...but still people care, they liked me? Maybe I did add to the community? Maybe I made things and posts that braught people together and had community effects, that people had fun and got excited over the things that i made...? Even if it was things i didnt intend, or in a way I never intended.

It makes me miss it, you know. It makes me feel, it makes y heart swim with kindness and appreciation and gratitude and LOVE and. Everything everything. It makes me teary eyed, heart full to bursting alone in my room, completely pathetically. I shared things, maybe. Things that maybe meant something. And people cared? Some of them, at least? A few people were effected, really? A place that caused me so much strong anxiety a year+ ago but. I still do miss it. People are so nice. And for what? Why do I deserve it? Everyone's so nice. The blogs i saw over and over, my friends and mutuals in the community, that I never talked to because I was small and a freak and anxious and too self concious about myself. They were so nice. People are so, so nice.

Thank you to anyone at all that ever did that for me? That asked about me after I was gone, that left me sweet messaged or comments, joined in on some thing i was doing for fun, made art of my posts, told me that i braught you joy. Connected with me. Or tried. I love you.

Idk im a weird fuckin. Emotional sap and also I gotta tell you I'm sick and haven't slept in like 13 hours so. Sorry for random long posts on ur dashboard I'm extremely sensitive.

Maybe I'll link to some other blog where I'm making art someday. Idk. I just miss the nice people in the community and the connection and. I wanted to thank you. I hope i did make an impact. At least a little.. I really really hope I did

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 15/02/2024

Corridors of Vine

Season 6 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume FF

Ripped by Heboyi

Right, okay, we've had a good streak recently of covering more "traditionally good" rips for the blog - arrangements and remixes like NIGHTMARESCAPE 〜Unrestrained HyperCam 2〜 (Final Boss Phase 2), genuinely good arrangements like mlp racism anthem (comix zone arrange), even the premiere of a new Season with the Joke-Explainer™ 7000 Fusion Collab. I think its about high time we change the clock to something "stupider" - the kind of rip that reminds you just how much SiIva is driven by the wild imagination, skill, and commitment-to-the-bit of its contributors. Only within a community like SiIvaGunner's will you get something like Corridors of Vine.

With memes as a whole, there seems to exist some sort of...invisible hierarchy that defines their public perception, that I've always found really fascinating. It's not impossible to understand why this hierarchy exists: Memes like the Hampsterdance in Wario's Hampster Mine, the Sparta Remix in THIS. IS. SOLEANNA. and more call back to a different, more innocent time in internet history, wheras memes like Despacito in Plains of Des-passing-to and It's Everyday Bro in It's Everyday Lake are oft met with comments like "I hate that I love this", or other similar sentiments. Memes generally follow a trend where, once one has worn out its period of inferred relevance - typically once it stops being a niche internet activity and spreads to marketing teams and unfunny people in general - its labeled as "dead" and unwanted, left as a relic of a smaller period of internet activity. That is, of course, unless it gets brought back into fashion by virtue of nostalgia and given some sort of new spin, as we've seen happen with Doge as of late - until that then too becomes co-opted by unfunny people (this time crypto-grifters) and the cycle begins anew. Yet part of what makes SiIvaGunner as a channel so great, is that very few of the memes it uses ever reach that state of abandonment: the team is so good at finding new, inventive ways to use memes as old as from Season 1, to where they rarely feel stale. And if they do feel stale - well, then that can ironically become part of the joke, playing into just how samey and played-out the joke is for a sort of ironic appeal.

All of this is to say, that I always find it immensely funny whenever the team decides - seemingly at the drop of a hat - to begin using memes that have been thoroughly labeled as dead for years by that point. A meme like the Harlem Shake didn't have so much as a pulse by the time Season 6 rolled around even past its sole revival to relevancy a few years back from being attached to Ajit Pai - yet The Harlem Shakeover of that very season was one containing over THREE HUNDRED rips utilizing the joke, next to none of which were made with the intention of sounding bad. Funny enough, then, that one of the first events we'd see during that same Season would be doing the exact same thing to a meme that's likely far more loathed than the Harlem Shake ever was - Damn Daniel, the core joke to Corridors of Vine.

Damn Daniel is perhaps the closest we've ever gotten to having a meme that felt like a social experiment - a complete non-sequitor of a joke starring an average, marketable teen and his immaculate footwear. At the peak of Vine's age of randomness humor, the series of various videos on Daniel's Vans absolutely blew up - and immediately, there were cynics from outside of Vine, older internet dwellers mainly, who made a big point about how lacking-in-funny the videos were. Yet the guy, Daniel, made it onto the damn Ellen Show of all things within mere weeks after his debut, and in a way it kind of made Damn Daniel a symbol for everything considered wrong about Vine: its mainstream appeal and focus on short, memeable videos had created a form of shitposting that...no longer felt like they were part of a community.

That is, of course, just my summary of the opinions I gathered from all the way back in 2016 - back when SiIvaGunner itself was first revving up into gear. And I find it so incredibly befitting that it was during Season 6 that the Damn Daniel event occurred on SiIvaGunner - the Season all about letting go of the past. To have it begin with SiIvaGunner, itself a 2016 meme, acknowledging its near polar opposite made around the same time: A meme that was, for a solid while, one of the most wanted-dead memes of all, one that the internet as a whole frankly felt a kind of hatred toward during what would come to be a rather cynical, hateful year in general.

There's definitely an overarching aura of irony applied to the anniversary celebration's rips regardless, of course - part of the joke with Corridors of Vine is that its using a song otherwise so closely enveloped in emotion and vulnerability (one SiIva itself used to similar effect with 時の回廊 ＜ver. CCC＞), alongside a joke that's so bitterly remembered that its mere inclusion makes it difficult to take seriously. Yet Corridors of Vine takes itself as seriously as the concept could be, it is a genuinely fantastic YTPMV using several of the famous Damn Daniel Vines in conjunction with one another, resulting in an infectiously catchy combination of lead- and backing melody instrumentation. I do think the commitment to the bit worked excellently, and the comments of the video itself appear to agree with me - despite how beloathed Damn Daniel itself was, the time to properly acknowledge and accept it had arrived, and we were for once actually...enjoying the meme?

To circle back to the point made in the second paragraph here - the truth is, there are very few memes that wind up actually full-on dead for long. Dead memes as a concept are a label we put upon jokes we feel have ran their course, yet especially in the world of YTPMV there will always be people out there able to prove the naysayers wrong, even if the intentions are purely ironic. Ironic or affectionate, the end result is the same, isn't it? You've got a smile out of your audience through your work in adapting the meme! And through all the comments expressing their concerns over returning to the hellscape that was 2016s meme culture, those smiles - even through the barrier of the internet, felt as if they were shared by all of us. The entire event - and Corridors of Vine in particular - showed Damn Daniel a sense of affection it likely hasn't had since the days when the SiIvaGunner channel's name began with a G.

Here's to 8 years, Daniel.

...Stussy man, Damn.

[shivunin]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @greypetrel and @palipunk (on the other blog); thank you both!

*Gonna say in advance that I am still getting straight who all writes fic and/or does art, especially if I follow both of your personal and fan blogs, so if I sometimes tag you and sometimes don't just lmk if you do/don't want to be in on these things and I will do my best to oblige! I know people are busy/life is a pain in the ass lately and I don't want anyone to feel pressured or stressed or left out over it

I've been working on my Morrigan scarf, pictured below (hand for scale) and am getting close to finishing the main body of it. I'm really excited for some of the finishing touches, which will hopefully include fringe-like elements along the bottom edge. If they work out right, they'll look similar to feathers (fingers crossed), but if not they'll be irregularly-sized pieces that more closely resemble her skirt. We'll see c:

And here's a bit of writing from an unfinished chapter of Book of Memories; I've been fiddling with the beginning on and off for months, but I would really like to post it sometime in the next few weeks. (CW for fantasy racism and blood/injury):

He could have sworn he'd only taken his eyes off the children for a moment—hardly any time at all for them to get into any trouble—but just then, Leander ran up, his fine tunic torn at one shoulder, his cheek bloodied, and he was panting. 

“What’s happened?” Fenris asked, his body shifting slightly in a way that Cullen immediately recognized. 

Neither of them were sufficiently armed, but Cullen reached for the support of a sword hilt anyway, his hand falling to his belt knife instead. Fenris crouched, bringing his face level with the boy’s, and Leander pointed toward a crowd forming near the small side garden. 

“Adhlea,” he panted, and that was enough—Cullen was already running. He didn’t bother to make sure the Hawkes were following. His daughter needed him, was in danger perhaps—nothing could slow him now. 

Adhlea was, in fact, in the center of the crowd. He could hear her piping voice even before he managed to shove through the crowd of bodies. 

“You take it back, you—you Blight of a boy!” she was yelling, accompanied by a yelp that was not hers. “Or say that to my face, coward!” 

Cullen went on elbowing his way through the huddle of people, his mind racing: Why hadn’t someone pulled her away from whatever was happening? What could possibly have made her this angry? The undercurrent of this all, the fear that made the rest of it unbearable, was this: 

She is a new mage. If she hurts someone with magic in front of all these people, what can I do to keep her safe?

“Mongrel,” a garbled voice said. “You and that other—oomph!” 

There was a dull sound, flesh striking flesh, and Cullen made his way to the front at last. There was a reason nobody had interrupted her: somehow, Adhlea had called up a barrier, and the bubble of it stood between them and the observers. She seemed well enough—though blood was dripping from her chin—and the boy she was pummeling seemed to be in one piece, for all that she had him pinned. 

Maker preserve him. Maker preserve them all. 

“Adhlea Rose,” Cullen bellowed, and more than one of the surrounding observers took a step back. “You stop that this instant.” 

His daughter didn’t seem to hear him at all; she raised a bloody fist and aimed for the boy’s cheek. Fenris was faster; in a moment, he’d reached through the barrier with one hand, the tattoos that marked the backs of his hands and arms lighting up all at once. He pulled her, squirming, from the barrier by the back of her nice Chantry dress. 

Some other time, Cullen might have found this funny; she looked rather like a kitten picked up by a rather annoyed cat. In the moment, he only felt fear. 

“Adhlea,” he said sharply, and she stopped fighting. The barrier had popped soundlessly as soon as she’d left it. The boy was summarily scooped up by an older woman—presumably a caretaker—and tugged back from their little quartet. 

“What happened?” Cullen demanded, crouching to examine her carefully. 

One of her teeth had been knocked loose, leaving an empty space on the upper row of her mouth. Her hands were both bloody about the knuckles, and her lip was already swelling. The redness around her eye would almost certainly be a black eye soon enough, and if the laundress could get the blood out of the gown it would be a miracle. 

“He said I was trash,” Leander said unexpectedly, though his green eyes were fixed on Adhlea, “I thought it was stupid. I can’t be trash, because trash is a thing and I’m not a thing. But he said he could prove it and—”

“He was going to shove Leander into the trash can!” Adhlea said, shaking with indignation, tears spilling from her injured eye, “I couldn’t let him—it’s not fair! We didn’t do anything to him!”

Tagging: @ndostairlyrium @daggerbean @layalu (unless you prefer the other blog?) @idolsgf @brother-genitivi

[spoiledleaff]

Why did you disappear for so long?? I feel like you abandoned your blog and friends and stuff for a bit lol Are you okay??

sure. let's talk about this :) i've had a lot of asks lately asking if i was okay during my hiatus//if i'm okay now that i'm trying to make an effort to come back, and, the short answer is no. i'm not.

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (bpd).

cw :: massive vent + personal, medical talk regarding my mental health and thought process. honestly just a lot of oversharing, because i don't have an outlet for this irl, haha! for all intents + purposes, everything below this line is a trauma-dump. please take care of yourself.

for unnecessary context, haha! i went on a hiatus for about half a year, abandoned this blog, destroyed many old wips and interactions i had with the ghost fandom + distanced myself from the friends i've made on this site through ao3 and/or tumblr with no context or goodbyes. my mental health was, and continues to be, in shambles.

i had a homelessness scare + a series of bad physical health scares that almost led me to a brain cancer diagnosis, so... that was fun, haha. but this is probably the main thing.

borderline personality disorder (bpd) is a mental health condition that mainly affects people through extreme mood swings, unstable relationships, trouble controlling their emotions, + often times self-destructive behavior. one of the main symptoms that most people with bpd suffer is fear/perception of abandonment + a constant feeling of emptiness. in addition to this, i have a deeply ingrained socially anxious mindset + i am neurodivergent.

it runs in my family. and, apparently, its running its course through me as well, haha.

i am exhausted. i find myself stuck in an endless cycle, especially on this site, where i am so incredibly excited to interact with the people i've been fortunately enough to find on this site through my work but i distance myself almost immediately when i worry that i start to get too close to someone.

i am so afraid of being abandoned/left behind, that i would rather abandon someone else and disappear.

as a side effect of my bpd, i mainly struggle with paranoia, disassociation, a short temper, feelings of emptiness + an unreliable self-image.

this, unfortunately, affects my relationships here a lot.

i hate my work. i hate myself. sometimes i even hate my friends and then that always spirals into hating their friends, even if it's people who i know are lovely or i have never even fucking met before. i hate this site + ao3, i hate my fandoms, i hate this blog, and i sometimes find myself hating everyone and everything i've ever known and seen. it's a constant cycle of hatred followed by an emptiness that my work will never be good enough, my friendships will never be good enough, my stories will never be good enough, and i will never be good enough. i rarely find joy in these things anymore.

i find myself so desperate + anxious for a little bit of positive social interaction that i overthink every possible scenario, panic, and then vaguely cut ties before i think the other person will.

i cannot begin to describe to you the constant debate i have with myself about whether or not i should delete this blog, permanently remove everything and anything i've ever written on ao3, before inevitably trying to start anew with maybe another penname, another account.

but i've always liked routine. calling myself some variation of 'leaff' on the internet is a part of that. i don't know what else to call myself—people would know it's me.

i'd really like that. i'd fucking hate it too.

so, i've distanced myself from the fandoms + from the people who interact with my content. i do the bare minimum with friends, and sometimes not even that. i ghost people always, worry about what to say next to the point that i've genuinely convinced myself that i've responded, i do the bare minimum, wash, rinse, repeat.

i post my shit, giggle about this and debate about that, disappear for a bit, before inevitably coming back.

i do enjoy the work that i do, sometimes i'm even proud of it. but it's such an inconsistent whirlwind in my mind that i find myself hating it all just as a default.

if you're someone who has had the misfortune of interacting with me, and you wonder if i hate you. i don't.

i promise. not like that, at least.

i'm not going to therapy for this; i can't afford it. i'm trying to find a way to possibly be medicated for this, but i don't have the greatest insurance. i'm trying to train myself into a nicer, more positive mindset; it's hard.

but i'm trying. i'm still very uneducated about this. i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i might be aroace. i think it's why my writing is getting worse, or, at least, why i've been so distraught and unhappy with it. i think this might tie into why i'm so afraid to post anything other than porn; i think it might also be why i'm starting to hate writing it.

i think i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i'm simply unhappy with life, haha.

i didn't mean for this to become such a huge ramble — i think that's why i'm answering this at such an unpopular//late time, haha! — but i've had a surprising amount of asks in my inbox asking about me.

it's weird. i'm not really used to that. i think that's part of the reason why it took me so long.

regardless, this is why i disappeared. this is why i've been distant, this is why i ghosted you, and this is what will probably happen again in the near future. at least it's consistent, i guess.

thank you for your concern. if you made it this far, damn. i wish i had your attention span sometimes, haha. also i'm sorry for never answering your messages or for never reaching out in the first place. it's very easy to convince myself that you don't want me to, that i might be a trophy friend, that what we had was never real.

i'm sorry that after all this time this is how you might be hearing about it.

thank you for being patient with me.

i'm sorry you have to be so patient to begin with.

i think that's all i have to say :) it's a new road for me, and it's one that i don't want to travel. but i have to. i think it might help me in the long run if i do this all now.

so... yeah! :) haha, a bit of leafy lore, if you will. just, maybe not the fun kind, haha!

[actuallysaiyan]

Oh hello 😌 I just saw your follower milestone, a very big WOOHOO for 7k followers, that's so satisfying 👌👌

I saw you're doing a little positivity event, and I agree the weird jealousy and vibes here have not been good lately.

I would love to nominate three people, all of whom stand out to me for outstanding writing quality:

@delirious-donna makes love feel real. The domestic truth to it all is the reality of love, and it's the sort of fluff and smut that actually integrated itself into my imaginings of me and my blorbos, because it's so fucking *real*. I adore it. There's a sense of humour, it's silly when you least expect it, and it flows so easily, before you know it you're at the end of a fic and you're upset there wasn't more to read. She's writing 'Your Best Friend's Brother Kento' right now, and there are two more chapters to go, and I'm excited for it to be done because then I can go back and binge read it from start to finish. She's also one of the rare and wonderful quality Higuruma writers in this place, so is a gem to be held in esteem!

@bunny584 writes the most ethereal beauty I've seen put to paper for years. I'd let her scalpel her stories onto my skin. Her words score themselves onto my soul anyway, so let's tattoo them there too. Her 'Obsessed' series has something for everyone, her ongoing Priest!Suguru series has me feeling all sorts of unwell, and I haven't started her HxH SatoSugu series yet because I haven't had a case of wine arrive that's big enough.

I also have a fat medical moot crush on her 🫦 hmu bunny babe, I'm tall and curvy and we can discuss suture techniques.

@catopoliscat has written smut that makes me Feel Things™️ and I've been left thinking about for days. I sit by her blog with a little bowl and a "feed me" face, even though her gracious neighbours have been feeding me plenty, and I'm just fat and greedy. Her virgin!Nanami piece was stunning, authentic, and had me clenching my legs together and praying (I'm atheist).

Love the opportunity to share my favourite writers 👏👏 Happy 7k, and WOOT WOOT vibes for moving forwards to 8k next.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

Thank you so much Haitch! I love the commentary within the shout outs! It's very sweet and I really feel the love! This is the best part of the event too, is just being able to show our love for these creators and these wonderful people! Thank you so much for this <3