#but like jokes aside i'm still in that ''just woke up from a nightmare'' mood so i still feel the adrenaline so i still get

[mishkakagehishka]

Me when i dream of lil Mika but it's another nightmare

[devildom-tyrant]

Hi, sorry to bother you if you've done this already, but I've read your drabble where MC is comforted after a nightmare by the brothers (Mammon, Beel, and Satan) and it just makes me so soft I love it so much I keep rereading it. So I was wondering if you could do another with Asmo and Levi (and possibly Lucifer)? Obviously no pressure or anything, I'm a writer myself and understand that inspiration can be fleeting at times. Anyways, thank you, have a nice day/night!! 💖

You wake up yet again, jolting from your rest with your heart pounding in your throat.  It takes you several panicked breaths to realize that you’re in your room, safe in your bed, and it was just another nightmare that jarred you from your slumber.  

The details are foggy, but you can still remember the laughter, and the feeling of someone hating you with every fiber of their being to the point that they wanted you dead, that they were thrilled that you were dying.

Your bed sheets are a tangled mess around your legs, and you hastily kick them off, sitting upright and rubbing the sleep from your eyes with one hand, while you blindly reach for your D.D.D. with the other.  The screen lights up, showing that it’s past 3AM, and you fight back a groan.  You’re exhausted, but you know you won’t be able to go back to sleep like this.  And if you show up to class half-asleep again, everyone’s just going to worry about you.

You switch on your bedside lamp and weigh your options, your gaze riveted to your D.D.D.  

Lucifer

Automatically, you scroll to Lucifer’s name.  At this hour, he’s likely to be asleep, though you know that his work usually keeps him up rather late.  If you texted him, he would likely be worried... After all, you rarely reach out to him for help, not wanting to burden him when he has enough on his plate with Diavolo.  

Several minutes pass with your screen pulled up to your text messages with Lucifer, before you finally suck in a deep breath and hastily type out: “Are you awake?”  Before your mind talks you out of it, you hit Send and then immediately panic.  You really don’t want to tell Lucifer about the nature of the nightmares, nor do you want to admit to them in the first place and skew his view of you.  

An R for Read pops up next to the text, followed by three dots to indicate his typing, and you mentally flip your shit.

“I am now.  Why are you awake?”

Shit, did you wake him up?  You chew on your bottom lip, and carefully type out your response.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.  I was just having trouble sleeping and wondered if you might be up, that’s all.”

You follow that text with a sticker that’s sweat-dropping and smiling apologetically to keep it light-hearted.  Lucifer texts back immediately:

“Oh?”

“Come to my room then.”

You hesitate at that, your heart pounding in your chest.  Did he just--?  Is he asking you to--?

“We can talk or listen to one of my records if that might help you.  Or I may have some tea that could help.”

Oh.  Your panic eases a bit, and you acquiescence, typing out an All right before rising to your feet and making your way to his bedroom.  You feel as if you’re sneaking through the house, and it almost makes you feel guilty; it’s too quiet when everyone’s asleep.  However, you make it to Lucifer’s room without incident, and he opens the door before you even knock.  His expression is neutral, until he catches a glimpse of your tired, haggard appearance, which brings a light frown to his features.

“You look like hell,” he bluntly states, moving aside to let you in.

“I’m in hell,” you shoot back, to which he chuckles.

“Essentially.  But that’s never stopped you from sleeping before.”

His tone is pointed, and you feel as if he knows exactly why you can’t sleep.  He’s always been sharp, usually one step ahead -- or so it seemed until recently.  Now, you know he’s not infallible, and he doesn’t know your every move.  He’s fishing, hoping you’ll take the bait and talk to him about it.  But as much as you’d like to, you’re also stubborn -- and so very tired.  It’s a talk for another time.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up.  I thought you might be working late or something,” you admit, skirting the issue and taking a seat on the edge of his bed.  He quirks an eyebrow, but moves to sit at his desk.  

“Not this late on a school night.”

You can’t help but laugh, your thoughts a little more uncensored thanks to your lack of sleep.  “Sorry.  That sounded weird coming from you.”

“What?  It’s the truth.  Our little sleep study proved the importance of rest before classes, didn’t it?”  A smile plays at his lips at the thought of that, and the memory makes your cheeks heat up.  Suddenly, his bed feels huge, yet this room feels so small, drawing the two of you together.  You shouldn’t have come up here this late.  

“I--”  Part of you knows you should say that you can sleep now, that you’re fine, but you’re not.  “I wish I could sleep, but I’ve been... having nightmares, and they’re stupid, but I just...”

Your voice trails, and Lucifer moves from the chair to the bed in an instant, all traces of his teasing smile gone as he pulls you against his chest.  He doesn’t have to ask what they’re about; he knows.

He holds you in silence for a moment, while your heart hammers so hard, you know he can feels it.  Finally, his deep baritone murmurs, “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Your name comes out on his lips, and you feel your eyes watering, but you blink it away and shake your head.  “I’m okay.  I’m okay now.  Can we... lie down for a bit?”

The request comes out small, fearful of rejection, yet afraid of the acceptance as well.  Wordlessly, Lucifer lies back on the bed with you, his arms wound around you tight, one hand lightly trailing along your back.  You curl into him, burying your face in his chest (his heart’s beating quickly, too, some part of you registers), and slowly begin to drift asleep.

In your semi-consciousness, you realize Lucifer’s humming a melody you’ve never heard before, yet it makes you feel so safe.

Asmo

You know Asmo isn’t awake at this hour; he’s always told you that he needs plenty of beauty rest for his skin.  Still, you can’t help but click on his name, wishing that he was up so he could comfort you.  He’s so light-hearted, smiling and looping his arm through yours, and that casual intimacy has always put you at ease when you’re around him.  It makes it feel like you’ve known him forever. 

It’s that feeling that makes you type candidly, your thumb flying across the buttons.  

“I can’t sleep.”

If he doesn’t respond, then that’s fine; he’ll likely ask you about it tomorrow or give your tips to combat the bags that will surely be beneath your eyes.  To your surprise, however, an R pops up next to the message, followed closely by Asmo typing.  

“Then sleep with me, darling.”

That’s a dangerous double-meaning coming from the Avatar of Lust, but with your anxiety ramped up to an 11, you’re definitely not in the mood for that kind of distraction.  As you make your way out into the corridor and toward his room, you type out a clarification.  

“Just sleep, okay?  I had a nightmare.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take your mind off it.”

When Asmo opens his door, you give him a lop-sided grin.  “You perv.”

“On the contrary, darling, what I said was completely innocent.  Check the chat log.  If you took it wrong, well... then, I must be rubbing off on you.”  Asmo smirks, automatically looping an arm around your waist and pulling you close.  To his credit, he’s never groped you (without implicit permission), so you’ve always felt at complete ease with his physical affection.  

“You’ve definitely been a bad influence,” you joke, not that your mind wasn’t dirty before you came to the Devildom.  “But I’m really tired.  I wanna be able to sleep.”

“Of course.  But you’re so tense!  Here, lie down on the bed and let me loosen you up.”  There’s a dirty joke on both of your tongues, but you’re too drained to make it, and he’s trying to be on his best behavior.  You comply, however, plopping down face-first onto his luxurious bed, while he sits beside you and begins rubbing the tension from your shoulders.  Asmo knows what he’s doing when it comes to massages, and his bed has a heavy floral scent, likely from the lotions and perfumes he uses often.  It’s so relaxing.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, surprisingly energized for this time of night.  It’s obvious that you woke him up, but strangely enough, he isn’t complaining about the interruption to his beauty sleep.

“Not really.”  You’re starting to feel guilty about keeping him up.  “Hey, I think I’m good on the massage.  Do you mind... cuddling?”

His hands still on your shoulder blades.  “You don’t have to ask me twice.  I always want to cuddle with you!”  Grinning excitedly, he climbs beneath the covers beside you, and wraps you up in his arms.  He’s so warm, and you feel so at ease, surrounded by his soothing scent.  You wind your arms around his slender frame, and he grins, pulling you in tighter, facing one another.  

“You’re such a cute human.  You sounded embarrassed to ask just then.”

Your face flushes.  “Shuddup.  I just want you to get your beauty sleep,” you mutter, which only causes him to hug you tighter.

“Aww, you were worried about me?  You’re so sweet!  I’m supposed to be the one comforting you, silly.”  His hand trails along your back, just barely beneath your shirt so you can feel his skin on yours.  He tucks your head beneath his chin, but you can tell from his voice that he’s still grinning broadly.  “Just relax and fall asleep with me.  You won’t have a nightmare as long as I’m holding you.”

Asmo rocks you gently, until your abashment fades and you feel yourself succumbing to sleep at last.

He’s right.  

You don’t have another nightmare that night.  

Levi

If there’s someone you know is going to be awake and gaming at 3AM, it’s definitely Levi.  You click on his name, and type out a quick text:  “I can’t sleep.  Do you wanna come to my room and binge something?”

He reads the text within seconds and starts typing, just as you anticipated.  

“Raiding.  Come to my room instead?”

Even if you can’t sleep, you want to.  You want the company, a distraction, some comfort.  You would go to his room -- you’ve pulled plenty of all-nighters there, but... that’s what they were.  All-nighters.  His bed is literally a bathtub, and the one time you decided to take a nap in it, your neck had a wicked cramp in it for days. 

“I’m tired, though.  I was hoping we could watch it in bed and maybe fall asleep halfway through?”

This time, he reads it and doesn’t reply right away.  You see the three dots start and stop, and you’re not sure if he’s at a pivotal point in the raid, or if he’s too flustered by your invitation to properly respond.  Levi’s stayed in your room plenty of times, but he’s usually camped out with pillows in the floor, and if you happen to drift off, he keeps telling you random trivia about the show and shaking your leg until you make a noise that you heard him.  You’ve never fallen asleep with him.  

Your D.D.D. finally chimes with a notification.

“Did you send this to the right person??”

“Yes, Levi.”

“Oh.  Then you meant you want me to stay until you fall asleep.  For a second, I thought you meant sleep with you in your bed lolol.

Okay, after the raid.”

You know it’s just Levi being Levi and assuming you don’t feel that way about him, but with all the nervous energy you still have over the nightmare, you can’t help but feel your eyes water.  As childish as it sounds, you just want him to hold you so you can feel like everything’s okay.  You know you need to spell it out, but you leave his message on Read and pull the covers up to your chin, closing your eyes.  

... It’s too restrictive.  You kick at the covers and pick up your phone again, but... you can’t bring yourself to send another text, begging him to hurry.  You can always go to his room; the invitation stands.  Instead, you waste your time weighing your options, becoming more anxious, and ultimately, getting up to pace around your room.  

 About fifteen minutes pass before you hear a knock at your door, but it feels as if it’s been an eternity.  “It’s open,” you say, loud enough for him to hear, and Levi steps inside with a box set tucked beneath his arm.  

“Okay, I brought I Accidentally Became a Magical Girl, but the Transformation Sequence Takes So Long that the Villains Keep Attacking Me Halfway Through, and I Keep Losing but at Least I Get a Rose for Trying.  It got really good reviews, and I know you said you wanted to see more comedy anime.”  He smiles with such sincerity that you can’t help but feel guilty over tearing up a little earlier.  Just being around him makes you feel more at ease.  

“Thanks Levi, that sounds great.  Pop it in, and let’s give it a go.”  You smile doesn’t quite meet your gaze, and even though he’s a shut-in, it doesn’t go unnoticed that you’re acting different.  He pauses, but then shakes it off and starts setting it up, while you sit down on your bed.  As the first episode starts, he sits down beside you on the edge of the bed, while you’re sitting with your back against your pillows.  He starts telling you trivia about the animation studio and apparently, how the manga is actually more ecchi than the anime.  “OHHH, but I didn’t mean that I brought an ecchi anime for us to watch!  I mean, it’s sure to have some fanservice, but... but that’s just to be expected, right?  I wasn’t trying to be -- to be an Asmo or anything, I just thought you’d like it because it’s, uh, it’s supposed to be funny, and I--”

You lean forward and rest your forehead against his shoulder, cutting off his flustered explanation.  “You know I don’t mind that, Levi,” you assure him, before reaching out and grasping his sleeve.  He’s tense; even though you can’t see his face, you know it’s bright red, and you can feel the weight of his stare.  “I’d love to watch it with you.  I just... Will you lie down with me while we watch it?”

“L-l-lie down with you?!  Just-- just like that?!  Is this a joke?  Is this some kind of weird normie--?”

He breaks off as you finally raise your head to meet his gaze.  Levi can tell something’s amiss; he isn’t oblivious, he just lacks self-confidence.  He softly says your name.  “Why can’t you sleep?”

“I had a nightmare.  About, well... what happened back then.  In the foyer.  When... Belphie, uh...”

“Oh.”  He slides an arm around you, pulling you closer against his shoulder.  You feel so weak admitting that, but Levi isn’t judgmental; he just offers you the comfort you so desperately wanted from him.  “I didn’t know.  I thought you were just awake because you drank too much coffee or were bored or something.  If... If it’ll make you feel better, ye-yeah, I... I’ll lie down with you.  If you really want me to!”

He’s still flustered, but he doesn’t think you’re joking anymore, so you smile and nod against his shoulder.  “I’d really like that, Levi.  Thank you.”

His face turns even brighter.  “Y-yeah, no problem!”  

Levi slides under the covers after you straighten them out, and you settle in beside him.  His back’s up against the pillows now, so you snuggle into his side until he lifts his arm and gingerly puts it around you.  Your cheek settles on his chest, and he audibly gulps, but doesn’t move.  

Halfway into the episode, he starts pointing out the manga differences again, and you both laugh along with the gags and tropes throughout the show.  Levi becomes more comfortable and trails his fingers along your back, and you throw one of your legs over his, cuddling closer.  He keeps talking, this eccentric, passionate part of his personality being something you absolutely love about him, and the low murmur of his voice lulls you into a peaceful sleep.  

[wychive]

𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 — 𝙡. 𝙟𝙮. (#𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙠𝙛𝙣)

fic type // oneshot — 3.9k

prompt // when an individual is born, their magic aura makes itself present indicating what magic they would be using. very few were born with a dark magic aura and died within their first breaths, you were one of the two recorded births that made it. now you were searching for the other one

pairing(s) // juyeon x gn!reader (pltn.)

genre(s) // PG18 & adventure, fluff, angst

warning(s) // knives, stabbing (in a dream), nightmares, mention of food, depiction of anxiety, description of smells, being drunk, deceased major and minor characters, blood, corpses

author's note // it's finally here! i've been working on this for a few weeks already and that's why it's so late :'( thank you to @omigogames for proof reading this ily queen 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 this was for @kpopficsnetwork' s halloween event that they held last october <3 please read the rest of the member's works on the event! i recommend listening to wandering and as the world caves in (at the angsty parts) while reading this as it really sets the mood. i hope you enjoy!!

you wiped the drop of sweat off your forehead as you approached the top of a hill. you sat down on the grassy floor and took out a flask still full of drinking water. you downed a quarter of it, feeling your body re energize as you do so. you never thought it would take this long to search for them.

how many months has it been? five? six? you've lost count, having to travel miles across the world just to find the hidden treasure you've been seeking for years. see, you were born with a 'unique' aura. everyone has their own which determines what kind of magic they would be using for the rest of their lives. your family had the common ice or water elementals but you turned out to be the black swan in a ballet full of snowy white ones.

you were born with an aura that was powerful enough to cause a black out, in other words, you had a dark magic aura and somehow managed to survive throughout the years. your mother was no different from the rest but she tried her best to guide you on controlling your powers or even combine your magic powers with hers to make an elemental combo. she died two years before you went on this journey to find the one only other person who successfully survived their own birth of having this magic aura. the only things you knew about them were that they were at least 20 years older and that they were born as a female.

the fact that only you and one other person have this magical ability made you think about them day and night. were you their soulmate? or did they think of you too? were they a kind or evil person? did they ever confuse people like you did? were they affected by society's comments that they're now shut away in some dungeon? you could go on and on for days about this special person even though you haven't met them yet. you were eager to find them, even if it took you years to do so.

as you wondered about the unique person, you stared into the dark abyss with shining dots, not realising your eyelids were shut soon after. that night you dreamt of all the possible outcomes this journey would end, mostly happy endings where you would find the person and be their friend or you get to spend the rest of your life with them. you did not want to think of the sad ones, yet your mind wanted to see you suffer. nightmares were common as they came with your dark powers but you still hated it when they disturb your perfect sleep. with that, you woke up from a nightmare just as the person was about to strike a knife in your chest.

the pain felt so real that as soon as you woke up, your hand clutched onto your chest. luckily (or not so) you heard the uniform paced heartbeat from your eardrums. this caused you so much as you did not even see that the sun was just above the horizon, greeting the earth a good morning. you sighed in relief as you thank the universe for not getting you eaten by a wild animal.

you stood up, stretching your arms and legs after another night of sleeping on a thick cloth. you packed up your things and placed your sturdy backpack on you before starting your trekking journey. you checked your phone for any updates or news of the world that was not so boring as you began to walk south towards a small town. once approaching the main road, you slipped your phone back into your front pocket before following the flow of cars.

a smile appeared on your face, looking at how idle the town was at eight in the morning. it wasn't so noisy as most of the cars had stopped at diners or cafes for a tasty breakfast. the only things you could hear were people greeting each other with a simple 'hello' and the birds that had just been awoken from their slumber.

you checked the amount of money you had left; apparently, it was enough for you to last three days for all three meals and then it was downhill from there. you shook your head, thinking of ways to earn at least a little bit of money before moving to another town (if you needed to). your eyes drifted from the trees to the bakery that was on the opposite side of the road.

you could see the silhouette of a person placing buns in their respective containers. the person was in chef whites, with their sleeves rolled above their elbows. you really didn't want to catch feelings for anyone at the moment, especially in this state of being homeless and short on money. nonetheless, you were hungry and so you decided that you wanted some fresh baked buns on a saturday morning like this.

as you walked into the cozy bakery, you noticed a variety of desserts and buns arranging from croissants to baked pizza buns. the aroma in the air made your stomach growl. you took one of the pick-up trays and a pair of tongs and immediately went for the custard and red bean buns.

"oh my god," a voice exclaimed followed by a bit of coughing. "why do you smell so bad?"

you brought an arm to your nose, smelling yourself. you actually didn't smell half-bad. it only has been a day since you showered properly, how could it be that bad? you rolled your eyes as you looked in the direction of the voice. ah, it was the silhouette from earlier.

"is this how you greet customers?" you shot back, raising one of your eyebrows.

"no, of course not," the person said. "but your stench is unbearable." they scoffed and shook their head, giving a smug expression.

"well, i'll only be here for just a bit. don't worry about it, i'll be out before your regulars arrive," you said, assuring that you WOULD be out before anything else happened.. but you did not. as you didn't expect the prices of food to be that high.

"look at this place," the employee said, leaning his palms against the edge of the counter. "what did you expect?"

he was right, the place looked like it was straight up from a renaissance painting with its mini chandeliers and pink roses on the sides as decorations. it did look like a modern cafe twisted with some hint of the classics.

"is there anything i could do? to pay for this i mean," you asked them, hiding your embarrassment of the lack of money.

"depends… what kind of element do you use?"

"...ice," you lied. no one would want a rare dark element in their place.

"hm.. i guess we could use some ice making help," they thought, then looked back at you who seemed desperate for the job. yes, it would hold you back on a few days but you really needed the money.. and a place to stay if they let you.

"okay, then. you're hired," they said as they lent out a hand for you to shake. it was covered in leftover flour and smelled like yeast. you grabbed his hand and shook it.

"the name's juyeon, and you?"

"y/n… i'm guessing you're a fire user?" you replied. it was obvious as he was cocky, yet a charming fella. you could say a demon in disguise.

"clever, i like that in people," he smirked, his face looked smug and it really pissed you off- but he might be your new manager or boss so you stuck up to it and let out a simple fake chuckle. "any other questions?

"do i get a place to stay along with the job?"

"no but you could stay over at my place," he acknowledged. your eyes dart around the room before they landed on him, as you let out a laugh.

"excuse me?"

"you heard me. i have a spear bed and everything," he said. you were baffled, it seemed like he didn't care if you were a serial killer, plus, he only knew your first name and what 'element' you responded to. what were you going to do?

"fine," you said, already looking forward to the comfort your body was going to feel once you finally sleep on a mattress.

"alright then, let's get to work barista."

as you both get to his apartment, you gazed at your surroundings. everything looked neat, and not a spick of dust were to be seen. you look at the mini hallway in the studio apartment of his and see two doors, opposite of each other and another at the end of it. before you could even step foot in the kitchen, the male pulled you aside. your reflexes almost caused you to punch his stupid face when you remembered that you were just a guest at this comfort place of his.

"rules," he said, in a stern voice. "one, not too much noise between eleven at night to six in the morning. two, don't use too much of the hot water because i'm touched starved too-"

you rolled your eyes at his last remark, acknowledging that it was a cruel true joke. "-three, save some snacks for me if you're planning to eat it all and four, we leave the bakery together and come back together. i'm not sure who your guardian is but, i'll make sure you're in one piece once you return to them"

"i'm my own guardian, excuse you."

"still, your safety is guaranteed when you're with me," juyeon claimed. you thought it was rubbish but still, he had a bigger brother vibe with the way he spoke and so you went with the flow.

"the left one's mine, the last one's the bathroom," he said, referring to the hallway of doors you were staring at. the muffled sound of news reporters from the television drowned itself in the background when you close the door behind you. a smile appeared on your face as you got to have your own room, without juyeon ever bugging you.

you place your heavy army backpack beside the door as you lay on the bed that was neatly made. you smiled, finally having a proper place to sleep. you thank god for the (annoying) co-worker that you met that day. you didn't even have a chance to shower before your thoughts drifted away, causing you to sleep.

the next morning, juyeon woke you up by shouting your name from the kitchen multiple times. you groaned at the sound of his voice at seven in the morning when you were used to waking up at nine. you sat up and started your day from there. thankfully, it wasn't too exhausting.

a morning walk to the cafe bakery was thankfully peaceful with the both of you not being the big social type nor the small talk type. the warm rays of sunlight made your morning so much better. you began working at the bar, where you produced many types of tea and other refreshing drinks. you managed to conjure up ice easily with some tricks your mother taught as a child.

you introduced yourself to the regulars as a new employee at the place and they politely welcomed you to the town and cafe. their smiles were genuine and sweet, they gave off a motherly feel whenever it appeared. yours, too, was genuine. you missed being in a community like this, so dearly that you almost teared up at the sight of a child being kind to you.

the night was better. the walk back to his place was filled with stories about the regulars that juyeon had been told. you had inserted some dull dad jokes here and there, making him let out a chuckle at least once.

once you both arrived at the apartment, you immediately went to get your shower supplies and headed to the bathroom. while showering, you thought of ways you could find her faster. you have tried multiple ways but still couldn't find solid proof of her whereabouts. you sighed scrubbing the bubbly shampoo onto your scalp. you could ask juyeon for help but your identity would be revealed and he might just kick you out for that. maybe, just maybe, you could keep this act up? for a little longer. at least until you get enough money to live on your own.

that was what you did for the next few months, keeping your act up for the rest of the world. you were careful not to reveal too much of yourself, not spreading too much information across to other people, not even juyeon. even if you had secrets, he still treated you as normal as everyone else. though, he did seem weird at times as if he could read your thoughts. this scared you as it wasn't impossible to learn occlumency even if it took time. over time, you and juyeon developed this best friend bond with each other; protecting and having each other's backs when needed. of course, he was the same person as the one you met on your first day around town which left a sense of comfort in you.

a nightmare dressed as a daydream was what you were as you would sneak out on nights before non-working days. you had to let out a piece of your dark powers out somehow. even if you knew how to conceal them, it didn't mean you could control them forever. you found a cave in the far east where no one would hear nor see you, and so that became your little relaxation cave.

not so long after, you found out that there was a man who could find things you couldn't. some say he had connections to the deeper net or even that he was related to some who were part of an underground gang. nonetheless, it didn't stop you from seeing the fella once a week or two. this method made itself a purpose as he gave you more information than any general person could; her hometown, her family members, and so much more.

it seemed like a miracle, though you never thought that she would have children, more than that of a son and a daughter. a fact that surprised you was that she had the same surname as your roommate. that was all the information he had, it was not much but you still thanked him for it. your night-ventures continued on, exploring the town and gathering bits of information through drunken folks at the tavern.

you would get home just before dawn and sleep until noon. of course, the male you lived with would nag you on waking up late but he never really cared either. he loved to see your bite back with your poor choice of words. everything felt right and everything felt okay, you were in peace with the world.

"where are you going?" his voice emerged from the darkness, causing your body to jump.

"i'm just gonna get some drinks," you answered, in a confident tone as you bit your inner bottom lip.

"are you going to go see him again?" juyeon asked, snickering along with his words. "don't think i don't know what you're up to."

his statements and questions made your mind run wild; how did he know? why didn't he ever stop you? did he understand what you were doing? did someone tell him? you became a still worried mess, not knowing what to say nor do. you were stuck in a pose as if medusa were to turn you into stone.

"please, just tell me where you're going tonight, or bring me with you," he said, his voice groggy as if he had woken up from a short sleep.

"no, i'm sorry, juyeon," the words flew out of your mouth as your thoughts re-organized themselves. "you can't"

"why not?" he asked, once again. at this point his questions seemed like an endless stream of cloth.

"because- you just can't," you sighed, relaxing your shoulders and going up to him. you didn't have any excuses because you weren't used to lying so much to someone who you cared for. "it's dangerous if you do, please just listen to me."

he sighed deeply as he always does before he nags. "i want to listen to you, y/n, but you going off in the middle of the night and coming home late isn't… so you. do you need to talk? or something. i know i'm not good with comfort but i'm here for you if you need to let out anything at all."

you felt broken, because you knew how much he longed for this type of relationship. he had told you about his sister that passed not so long ago and how much he adored her. you were about to say something when he placed his hands on your arms and gripped them, as a sign to not leave him.

"could you just tell me? please? i promise it would be a secret," he pleaded, truly worrying about what became a routine.

"you should sleep, juyeon. you have work tomorrow," you tried to avoid answering the question as much as possible but he made it so hard.

"i just want to know-"

"juyeon, you don't need to know. it's nothing important. you don't need to worry about me, alright? i promise i'll be okay," you said, in a sensible tone. you heard sniffles from the male that stood before you, as his grip on your arms loosened. he cracked a smile which held in pain mixed with joyful memories.

"you sound just like her," he said, in a shaky tone. he sounded weak, and you could see the pool of tears around his eyes. in that moment, you felt your breath turn shallow. you closed your eyes and immediately embraced the bigger man into a tight hug. you knew who he was referring to as he would do it so often when you opened your mouth to say anything. "you're like her" or "you act like my mother, you know that?", he always stated these in a cheery manner, but seeing him shatter like this made your heart wrench.

you decided to skip your night shenanigans when you lead him towards his room. you've never been in it but stepping into it, felt so cozy as if it were a cold breeze on a hot summer day. you sat him down on the edge of his bed, seeing his tears turn into a gold-ish colour. you sighed, seeing this side of him. you always saw the bright sunflower yellow but not this burnt out maroon red. you sat in silence as his sniffles calmed down.

the balcony door let in a ray of moonlight which shone on the boy beside you. you turned to look at him, and saw a grin emerge from his lips.

"thank you," he said in a whisper-tone. "for being here, y/n."

juyeon stared at the pale full moon that was on display for the people of the earth. "i'll always be here," you say, holding his hand. it was a nice intimate moment for the both of you. the state of serenity made you think about the things that led up to this right here and it was all because of a person whom you've never met.

"y'know.. she had the same powers as you," juyeon said, sipping his hot chocolate. you both were seated at the kitchen island with hot cocoas and mini marshmallows. it was almost four in the morning and so you both decided to stay up a little bit more, as if the sands of time didn't take precious hours of rest.

"she was a frost user as well?," you asked him, eager to know his family background.

"no," he said, chuckling before stuffing a few marshmallows into his already rich drink. you sat there, with one lifted eyebrow. "what are you talking about exactly?" you asked, warming your hands as it cupped the mug in front of you.

"you know what i mean," he said, holding in a deceiving smirk. your eyes widened and your hand gripped onto the mug handle. it wasn't the fact that he had discovered your hidden powers nor how he had hid the information that he knew your powers but it was the fact that the person that you were looking for all this time had died.

all the traveling and suffering lead you to this moment had been for nothing? you did all of this for her, and yet you turned into a sobbing mess when you visited her grave. juyeon held you close as you weeped when you saw her headstone. it absolutely broke you even if you've never even seen her nor heard her. he stayed strong for you when your head was buried into his chest. he could even feel the mix of rage and sadness as your powers seemed to leak from your tears.

"i miss her too," he spoke up, still caressing your weak state. "i'm sure she would have adored you so much, y/n"

your feelings got the best of you and soon every noise stopped, with only an ever-lasting ring in your ears. your tear-filled eyes opened to see a ring of dark purple surround you like a globe with your feet dangling in the air. it was a new, unspoken sight to see but what had happened outside the bubble was a new horror to you.

juyeon was laying on the ground, upon the many other graves. his skin covered with burnt marks of some kind, and his chest area covered with blood spots which may came from bullets. your bubble disappeared as you jumped down on the ground, going over to his lifeless body as fast as you could.

"y/n.." he said, breathless. "i'll be okay."

"but.."

"they'll be here soon."

you were confused on what he was referring to - not until you heard police and ambulance sirens coming from a distance. you cupped his face which managed to give you a small grin even in his hurtful state. "don't leave. don't leave me please."

"you need to run, y/n"

"stop. stop.. saying that," you pleaded, with some of your leftover tears dripping onto his burnt clothing. you could hear his last breaths too, which made it harder for you to ever leave his side.

"i'll see you later.. alright?" he asked, as his final words. his body fell to limp in your arms, when your tears started flowing like a never ending river. the sirens were coming closer at the scene of the crime, and there you sat, clutching onto him with your last hope of humanity. you didn't care about the police nor the property you destroyed, you lost him. you lost HIM.

in that moment, the world stayed still with no promise that it was going to spin again. your head felt dizzy as your limbs felt numb. you knew it only had been a few minutes but it felt like centuries with your silenced screams. you didn't want to be outcast, you were already alone in the world with no one else you could call for help. everyone else had their counterparts but all you had was yourself. you hated the thought of being lonely and so you stayed there, weak, just to feel something worth living for.

[my-unruly-heart]

i'm holding on tight to you

welcome to wonderland 

masterpost

tags:  @radcowboyalmondtree @annabanana2401 @babeebobo

Turns out it wasn't the right time for the next week either. As the number of days since the initial blow up grew, so did the tension between Anne and Cathy. Anne spent most of the time locked in her attic room while Cathy stayed in her own room writing. The two queens spent as little time together as possible, which would prove to be a larger problem in the following days.

While Jane attempted to help both girls Catherine grew more anxious. Cathy was her goddaughter and she had always felt a sense of responsibility for the girl. Anne had been her lady in waiting for years before she had been divorced and she loved the girl to death despite how much she got on Catherine’s nerves.   

While the tension in the house grew, another issue arose; Katherine seemed to be avoiding Cathy at all costs. At first, it seemed to be out of loyalty to her cousin but as time went on her subtle attempts to put space between herself and Cathy, turned to the girl frantically trying to hide behind the closest person to her when Cathy entered the room. 

After nine days of watching her family splinter, Catherine had had enough.

  ~~~~~~

“Cathy, we need to talk.”

Cathy turned around to see María de Salinas and Catherine standing just behind her. Cathy tensed for a moment before noticing their relaxed body language and she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Cathy nodded her head before turning to open her door and lead the two women into her bedroom. Cathy’s cheeks flushed red slightly as she noticed the mess on her floor, the entire room was covered in balled-up scraps of paper that were obviously supposed to be in the overflowing garbage bin that sat in the corner. 

Though Jane was known as being the mum friend for the girls Catherine and Cathy had formed a familial bond very quickly. As such Catherine felt it important that she look after her namesake at all times. 

The three women sat on Cathy’s bed, all lost in thought for a moment before Catherine pulled the sixth queen into a loving embrace. Cathy relaxed slightly, focusing on the soft thumping of her godmother’s heart and the calming smell of her lavender perfume. Soon Maria spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Times were different back then and we were all different people. There was a power imbalance between genders and when people get caught up in emotions they forget to look at the facts.” 

Cathy looked up slightly and Maria almost thought the girl looked a bit like a lost puppy as she tilted her head to the side. Catherine brushed a hand through the girl’s curly hair as she nodded in agreement with her life long best friend. They needed to make it clear that they weren’t mad at her for what happened with Elizabeth all those years ago.

“Anne knows that too, she’s just hurting right now. I think she’s madder at herself than she is at you.”

Cathy nodded her headed, pursing her lips as she mulled over their words in her head. “I loved her, you know? I would have done anything for her and yet I let her into the home of a monster. I let him take advantage of her and I was so blinded by love I didn’t even realize it was happening.”

“Even the smartest of people make mistakes.”

The three women looked up at the doorway to see Anne standing there, the choker she always wore around her neck was gone, leaving the obviously agitated scar in the open for all to see, her hair was thrown into a messy bun, and the bags under her eyes were prominent, but she still held a slight smile on her face and a familiar spark in her eyes; Something that had been missing in the days beforehand. Anne moved forward sitting on the edge of the bed quickly examining Cathy, the girl was curled up in a ball between Catherine and Maria and she looked so small and fragile, Anne smiled as she shook her head.

“You and I were similar, both too smart for our own goods. I know you saw what happened to Kit when people found out what had happened to her and had seen how angry the men around me got when I started to talk back to Henry. I know you very nearly suffered the same fate as us. I also know you never meant for Elizabeth to be put in that position.”

“How do you know that? How do you know that I’m not just a bad person?”

“Because I know you, Cathy."

Cathy nodded as tears welled up in her eyes, she pulled Anne into a hug, repeating different apologies over and over. Anne just held her closer, finally letting the tears fall. The two girls stayed like that for a while, not noticing as Maria and Catherine left the room. Cathy laughed slightly as the two pulled apart. 

“I’m not ready to forgive you fully, I don’t know if I ever will,” Cathy looked down at her lap, picking at her nails as she nodded slightly. Anne takes a breath before she continues. “But I’m ready to start. We’re a family and families fight and then they make up. No matter what.”

Cathy gave Anne a watery smile before they heard a loud voice from the door, “About bloody time isn’t it?” The two girls laughed at Anna’s blunt nature before motioning the rest of the queens and ladies in waiting to enter the room. Aragon quickly grabbed the remote for Cathy’s tv before sitting next to her goddaughter. 

Anne turned to Cathy and laughed for a moment, “Est-ce qu’ils pensent vraiment qu’on va tous rentrer dans ce lit ?” Cathy shook her head and laughed,

“En les connaissant, ils trouveront un moyen.” Both girls laughed as the movie began to play.

~~~~~~

Cathy took the bedroom on the ground floor when they all moved in together, knowing her own sleeping habits and ability to think logically even when sleep-deprived would most likely shine through when the other girls were upset. This left Cathy on the night shift, she always made sure to be aware of any signs of distress throughout the night, she was always the first to get to Kit when she needed it, the one to make Jane or Catherine a cup of tea or talk some sense into Anna. Cathy also began to notice patterns in behaviour over the time the queens had lived together, yet the one pattern that may just have been the most disturbing was the one queen Cathy never thought needed comfort, Anne Boleyn. 

 It was late Saturday night (or maybe early Sunday morning, Cathy couldn’t tell anymore) when a piercing scream rang through the house, Cathy immediately jumped to her feet and ran up the stairs, fully expecting to find Kit having another nightmare. Yet to her surprise she found everyone standing in the hall, everyone that is, except for Anne. The five women rushed up to the attic bedroom in hopes of helping their friend. 

 Anne was still in her bed, clearly still in some form of unconsciousness and scratching fiercely at her neck. The sight of the blood dripping down her cousin’s neck sent Katherine out of the room immediately, mumbling about feeling sick, which sent Anna after the teen. Aragon went to get some towels and a first aid kit while Jane and Cathy spoke to the girl, attempting to wake her up or at the very least lessen her distress. Yet the thrashing and assault on her neck only seemed to get worse so Cathy did the only thing she could think to do; Cathy jumped onto the bed quickly, pinning Anne’s arms down and straddling the girl. She knew it would make Anne uncomfortable when she woke up and Cathy couldn’t stop thinking about Thomas and Elizabeth, but she pushed those thoughts aside.

 The door flung open again as Aragon entered the room, the women immediately ran over to the side of the bed attempting to help Jane wake the girl. It took what felt like an eternity but Anne eventually woke with a quiet gasp. Cathy got off the girl quickly moving to hold Anne against her chest, hoping the sound of Cathy’s stable heartbeat would help calm the distraught girl. Cathy held her there as Jane and Catherine cleaned the blood from Anne’s neck, and she held the girl tighter as they applied disinfectant and bandages. 

 Soon the storm seemed to have passed as all six queens sat on Anne’s bed, a comfortable silence surrounding them. Cathy sat at the opposite side of the bed to Anne, her head resting on her Godmother’s stomach. A few jokes were made to lighten the mood softly but that was it. The queens cherished these quiet moments together, being able to leave their busy lives at the door and just be together for a few moments. That is until Anne’s phone started buzzing,

 “So as much as I love and appreciate this you guys, we have a job to get to”

 Anne pushed forward, falling onto her stomach, leaving her stretched across the whole bed. Katherine let out a small giggle at her cousin’s antics, pushing herself off the bed to get ready. The others all followed suit, so half an hour and plenty of complaints later the six queens were piled into the car on the way to the theatre. 

 “Anns! Annie! I need new clothes and there’s a big sale at the mall!”

 Jane turned around from her spot in the passenger seat and smiled at Katherine’s bouncing around. The girl had really come into herself over the past few months, sometimes she was just as mischievous as Anne but they would take it over the scared little girl she used to be any day. 

 “We’ll all go to the mall after our first performance today Kit, how about that?”

 Katherine bounced excitedly while she talked with Anne as they pulled into their parking spot. The queens all piled out of the car and began to walk up to the theatre. 

 “I call shotgun on the way to the mall”

 Anne sprinted ahead, Katherine and Anna not far behind, leaving the three remaining queens giggling at the girls’ sudden bursts of energy. 

Translations:

Est-ce qu’ils pensent vraiment qu’on va tous rentrer dans ce lit ? -  Do they really think we’re all going to get (fit) into this bed?

En les connaissant, ils trouveront un moyen - Knowing them, they’ll find a way

[jellyfishdooter]

I'm gonna send you a fluff prompt cause that Jackie prompt must have really hurt to write. It was really good btw!!! How about marvin waking up from a nightmare and Jackie comes to comfort him^^ I'm in soft mood as you can tell :3

Aww thanks bean!

OH MY GOD HOW DID THIS GET SO LONG JESUS CHRIST

Uhh- enjoy below the cut!

~~~

Marvin stood in the middle of a fast field of golden grass that seemed to stretch on forever. The sky was as blue as his eyes hidden behind the mask. 

There was no mask, but his eyes remained closed. His face was bare along with his feet. He could feel small insects scurrying across his feet, the soft grain of the grass against his hands. 

The wind shifted and began to gently nudge the human along, swaying the grass to match the waves of the ocean and making his loose hair dance. The smell of fall was crisp on his nose.

Marvin began to walk, blind. Trusting the wind to take him along as he sang along to the song of the earth under his breath. A soft melody of whistling winds and dancing plants, with a strong and deep bassline of heartbeats and thunder.

Thunder. Marvin stopped walking when the wind turned from late summer warmth to a bitter cold. A chill running up his spine with a promise of rain. And as he opened his eyes, bitterly bright lightning flashed across the sky and made him gasp when the promised thunder clapped out after it- like a hunter finally hitting it’s mark after the chase. Rain shot down like needles ripping through his clothes- his skin. 

It hurt! 

Desperate, he looked around for shelter; for salvation. But there was nothing.

Another crack of lightning struck the ground and suddenly there was fire. It ran quickly across the crisp, dry grass and did not seem to be affected by the rain that already burned Marvin’s skin. 

Normally, the human didn’t fear something as trivial as fire. But here, in this place.. He ran. The fire morphed and changed, growing as if it had consumed a city already was chasing the man without fear of losing kindling. The flames laughed cruelly as they licked at Marvin’s heels, forcing him to beat the ground faster. 

But it wasn’t enough. The man was surrounded by fire, and being pelted with knife-like rain that caused millions of tiny cuts to draw blood on his skin. He looked around quickly, turning around and around, desperate to find a way out as the earth beneath him began to char and crumble. The dancing flames deceived his eyes- painting pictures of those he loved to have cruel faces of pure hate and disgust. They got closer to him, the glint in their eyes promising pain.

Marvin cried out as the ground under him gave out, sending him into a freefall into darkness. 

Where bright red strings caught him like razor wire, stopping him from hitting the ground like in the gallows-

Marvin woke up with a shout, bolting upright in his bed as he gripped at his shirt around his heart, willing for it to slow down. He breathed heavily as his eyes darted around the room, quickly taking in his surroundings. 

He told himself he was home in his room- but his brain was still half in his dream world, yelling at him that there is still danger. Tears pricked at his eyes as his mind tore in two, leaving him stunned and unsure what to do other than clutch onto his blankets and try to remember how to breathe.

It wasn’t long until a knock on his door made him almost jump out of his skin. Marvin managed to croak out a meek “Yeah?” and his eyes widened when he saw that Jackie was on the other side of the door. The magician quickly tried to dry his eyes with his sheets but it was pointless, the hero had already seen.

“Can I come in?” Jackie asked in a gentle voice, waiting until Marvin nodded numbly until he entered the magical man’s room. “Nightmare again?” His words were not scolding or tired, but filled with true concern.

Another nod. Marvin carded his fingers through his own mess of hair, not able to meet Jackie’s eyes. Jackie cautiously sat on the bed keeping his movements slow. Marv couldn’t help but bitterly laugh in his mind. The eldest ego was acting like he would shatter any second. Which.. Might have been true in all honesty. Not like Marvin would ever admit that, though. 

“You wanna talk about it, or be distracted from it?” Jackie asked. It was routine at this point. Jackie would ask whether or not Marvin would want to discuss what happened in the dream to get it out of his system. Or the option to take his mind off the dream by just letting Jackie fill his ears with random babble until he got back to sleep or until the sun rose through the window.

“Distraction.” Marvin mumbled, pulling his legs up to sit criss-cross and make room on the bed for Jackie to do the same across from him. Jackie did so, his socked feet poking out from under his legs and he sat up straight to match Marvin, showing off the litterment of scars from saving the day and from his own personal battles. “Can we..” Marv started slow. Jackie had his full attention. “Can we do the, ah.. five things.. Thing?” The magician made a vague gesture in the air with his hand, hoping to get the point across to the hero. 

Jackie blinked, a bit surprised by the request, but wasn’t against it either. “The five senses technique? Yeah sure, Marv. If you think it’ll help.” Marvin nodded and looked across to Jackie, their matching eyes finally meeting. Jackie gave him a warm smile. “Alright.”

They started with a deep breath. Jackie demonstrating for Marvin to follow along to. Breathe in through your nose slowly and hold. Before just as slowly letting it out through your mouth. They repeated this three times before Jackie started to talk again. “Look around the room here. Name five things you can see. Try to be specific.”

The magician looked around his bedroom. He had a lot of things in here. Shelves crammed with dusty leather books and other magical artifacts (and of course things like snow globes, fanart, and a few toy magic kits that he liked to collect). His work desk littered with notes for spells and jars filled with herbs and other things he decided that might be useful later. From his ceiling hung several colorful tapestries and crystals on strings that caught the silver moonlight filtering through his window. His wardrobe stuffed with both expensive, elaborate clothes, and also a selection of simple shirts and jeans. He didn’t even want to think of everything he had crammed in the cupboards and under his bed- 

Marvin stopped himself before his mind got too much further off track. He glanced at Jackie, who was sitting as patient as a saint, before taking another deep breath and clearing his throat. “Well.. I can see my.. My copy of the Player’s Handbook for DnD night.. Um..” He scanned the large dark wood bookshelf just over Jackie’s shoulder, “My magic 8 ball.. A jar of sage leaves I need to replace. The purple geode Chase got me for my birthday. And..” He looked around and his eyes landed on his bedside table- also cluttered with another stack of books and more trinkets. “My rune spoon?” Marvin said with an awkward chuckle, picking up the wooden spoon he got from a fair a few years back for shits and giggles. But came to be one of his favorite tools while working with spells. Gently running his thumb over it, he looks over to Jackie once again.

“Good job!” Jackie cheers softly, keeping his voice low as to not wake up the rest of the house. The walls here were pretty thin unless Marvin put a charm up to deafen the noise during the day. The older ego takes another deep breath, prompting Marvin to do the same before carrying on. “Okay, tell me about four things you can touch around you. Really try to describe how they feel if you can. Heh, seems like you’re already ahead of the game.” He nods to the wooden spoon in the magicians hand and smiles. Not to mock him, gods no. But to show that he really did care and was here for him.

Marv had to take another breath when memories of the burning fire and sharp rain from the dream filled his mind and whispered phantom pains across his arms and feet. “The wood of the spoon is smooth.” He interrupted his own mind from spirling back to the nightmare. “Polished but not sticky with gloss. Uhh,” He set the spoon aside and laid his hands flat on his PJ pants, “Smooth again. But.. more silky and soft.” He moved one hand to the blanket covering his lap and rubbed it between two fingers, “Fluffy. Not really like a cat’s fur but.. Softer. Warm.” Running out of ideas in the moment, Marvin reached up and touched his own dark wavy hair. He grimaced. “Soft but.. Oily. Gross. I need a shower.” He stuck out his tongue in disgust at himself, causing Jackie to chuckle softly.

Another deep breath together. “Halfway there. This one is a bit harder.” Jackie warned gently, “Name three things you can hear.”

The magician paused before letting his eyes slip close so he could focus on the quiet sounds of the sleeping house. “I can.. Hear the traffic outside. Those poor saps who have to get to work at an ungodly hour making the commute.” He chuckled to himself, tilting his head to listen through the walls the best he could. “Chase is snoring in his room.. Or maybe he passed out in the living room? Not sure.” A faint smile played on his lips as he focused once again to listen to the sounds of the room itself. There wasn’t a lot of sound in here… “Your breathing. I can hear your breathing from here.” He opened his eyes again, “And no, that’s not an insult.” 

Jackie couldn’t help but laugh, beaming brightly as Marvin came back into himself again, slowly forgetting his nightmare. “Apology accepted?” He quipped, scooting closer to Marv before taking another breath with him. “I’m here to help with this one. Name two things you can smell.” 

Marvin laughed at the hero, shaking his head but sniffing the air anyway. “Yep. You’re a stinky bastard alright.” He joked, gaining a light-hearted shove from Jackie. “Hah. And..” He looked around a bit before raising his blanket to his nose and taking another long sniff, “My blankets got washed yesterday so they smell.. I dunno, clean?”

“Works for me.” Jackie encouraged, reaching over Marvin to open up his bedside table’s drawer and pull out the other man’s small jar of stashed chocolate drops. “Last one. I’m gonna make it really easy for you.” 

Marvin mocked a scoff, “Excuse me, Sir. But I don’t believe I gave you permission to get your grubby hands on my stash.” 

“Well if you don’t want a fuckin’ chocolate then I’ll just put ‘em back-” 

“Now I never said that. Gimme.” Marv snatched the candy from Jackie’s hand as he held it up and popped it in his mouth with a low hum. “Chocolate. With a peanut center.” He said with his mouth still full, taking the jar back from the other ego and handing him a candy before putting the whole thing away. Jackie gladly took it and popped it in his own mouth with a cheeky grin.

“Feelin’ better, Marv?” Jackie asked once they both finished their sweet treats.

The magical man nodded lazily, his eyes starting to have trouble staying open once again. “Thank you. For.. putting up with…” He makes another vague gesture towards himself and sighs. “All this.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Jackie said, getting up from his spot on the bed and stretching- making a few bones pop in his back and knees. “I love being able to help you, man. It’s what I’m here for. And you know I’m just next door if you need anything else, right?” 

“I-” Marvin was about to argue. Saying that he didn’t want to be a bother to Jackie or to disturb his sleep. But.. they’ve had this little argument before many times by now… “Thanks.” He simply replied instead as Jackie stopped at the door. 

The hero turned back and gave him another smile, “Of course. Anything for you guys.” And with that, Jackie quietly closed the door behind himself. Marvin stayed sitting up, listening to Jackie return to his own room before settling back into the blankets himself. With a soft smile on his face and the nightmare mostly forgotten, the man slowly closed his eyes and allowed himself to sleep until the morning sun gently woke him up with a warm kiss.

[bunnyhani]

A Little Insomniac

Pairing: (Platonic!) Seo Changbin x Bang Chan. (Also Platonic! Stray Kids x Seo Changbin on the side.)

Genre: Fluff and angst. (It seems like I don’t write anything else.. xD)

Warnings: Not really? Some language..? Insomnia..

Summary: Changbin has never self-proclaimed himself as someone who suffers from insomnia. Sure, there were sometimes nights when he couldn't fall asleep easily, but he always did in the end and successfully slept through the night. Until he didn't.

-----

Changbin was tired. The comeback was so near and he felt drained. Of course making music was fun and all that jazz, but so was sleeping. He felt like he was a walking corpse and so were others, so he wasn't a special snowflake. Then there were Chan and Jisung, who were on a entirely different scale of tiredness. They were exhausted, but somehow they kept going. They might have been more irritated than usual, but they still held onto their beautiful smiles and interacted with the members, helping them out and doing other activities. Of course, Changbin did too, but he felt like he just... Wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. He always looked forward to getting to his bed, when all the lights were off and the dorms were dark, tiptoeing to their rooms along with the rest of 3racha. Sometimes the morning sun was peeking it's light through the window blinds and Changbin merely glared at the window then, always shutting the blinds more tighter. The sunlight just reminded him how little rest he was going to get and how unproductive he was (he wasn't but that's how he felt like).

Changbin collapsed onto his bunk bed, slightly shaking it but thankfully, Hyunjin wasn't bothered, if the boy's snoring was anything to go by. He whispered his good night to Jisung who just grumbled something similar in return, before falling asleep. Changbin just listened to the room, which was now filled with other people's calm breathing. It was kind of creepy thinking about it, since he was actually just listening to people breathe when they slept, but Changbin really couldn't do anything else. He also found comfort in it, it reminded him that he was never truly alone. While on some days he was annoyed by this fact, but during nights, he was just glad. It was kind of like unintentional ASMR. Changbin tiredly chuckled at himself, finally letting the sleep invade his mind and push everything else aside, and lay out its thick fog. The fog clouded his mind, he closed his eyes and before he knew it, he was pulled into the dreamland.

Changbin suddenly opened his eyes. His mind was messy from sleep and he had hard time grasping what was going on. He sat upright, hands shaking and he could feel his t-shirt sticking uncomfortably against his skin because of the sweat. He felt a little breathless and his heart was racing. Changbin put his hand over his heart, glancing down at his chest, even though he couldn’t see a thing in the darkness. As he realized that he couldn’t see, it set an alarm off in his head. He was going into panic mode and he needed to do something about this before it escalated. He felt around the bed for his phone and grasped it tightly, when he did. He started looking through his photo albums, where he knew that there was a gif that helped him breathe. It was literally like gif of a box inflating and deflating, back and forth and there was a text underneath that was timed with the box’s moves. It instructed him to breathe, kind of like copying the box’s movements. It usually helped when he wasn’t too panicked. Right now, he wasn’t and he started breathing more regularly. When his heart rate had slowed down and he felt calm, he just sat there, hunched over. What the hell was that? He didn’t remember having a nightmare that would have caused him to wake up. Now that he really thought about it, he couldn’t find a single reason that why did he wake up. He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face tiredly. He glanced at the clock on his phone. 4am. Changbin was so tired but so frustrated that he wanted to sleep and simultaneously scream. He settled for huffing loudly and more or less, slammed himself down onto the mattress that thankfully softened the impact. Not that Changbin actually cared at the moment. He just wanted to sleep. So he waited for sleep to come and take him again.

Changbin listened as Hyunjin’s alarm started ringing loudly in the otherwise quiet room. There were several groans and he could hear Jisung getting down from his bunk bed to go and slam Hyunjin’s alarm off before anyone else would go and smash the thing into tiny pieces. Changbin didn’t get up, he had no motivation or energy to face the day just yet, so he didn’t move. He had been going in and out of sleep most of the night, which annoyed him to no end. When the room started getting alive, only then did he force himself out of the bed. He climbed down and breathed deeply through his nose. He changed out of his pyjamas into a hoodie and sweats. Changbin could already feel the huge bedhead that he had from tossing and turning most of the night, but he wasn’t in the mood for dealing with it, so he just put on a beanie to cover it. Not that it really mattered, since all the members looked a little disheveled in the morning. Changbin didn’t really feel hungry, but still ate so nobody would get concerned over nothing. So what if he had one sleepless night? It’s not like he was a baby and couldn’t deal with it, so he didn’t see a reason to talk about it either. It was just one night, right? It was not like it was going to be a regular occurence.

The day went on it’s normal tracks, they practiced, 3racha worked on their songs and they ate. There were some messing around from the maknae line, but that was to be expected. As they had a 15 minute break from dancing, he slumped against the cold mirror of the practice room. Miroh was playing in the background, the members were sprawled across the floor and some were drinking water and conversing with each other. Changbin closed his eyes, it wouldn’t hurt anyone if he just rested his eyes a bit.

Someone shook Changbin’s shoulder gently and patted his cheek in attempt to wake him up. Changbin opened his heavy eyelids and came face to face with Chan. Chan was looking tired, but still fond.

“Come on, Bin. The break is over”, the leader said while still stroking his cheek. Changbin, still dazed, nodded tiredly but still leaned into Chan’s touch. He started falling asleep again because of the continuous movement against his cheek, but he was snapped back to reality when Chan moved his hand away. He whined at the loss of comfort, usually he wouldn’t have done it or even let Chan pet him like a dog, but he was sleep deprived so who could blame him. Although Chan was smiling, he could see the older’s eyes twinkling with worry.

“Are you okay?” Chan asked, bringing his hand back to Changbin, but this time feeling his forehead. When Changbin’s mind caught up on what Chan was doing, he lazily slapped the hand away.

“I’m not sick, hyung. I’m fine. Just a little tired”, he grumbled and forced himself to get up from the cold floor.

“If you say so”, Chan said, still keeping an eye on him. They continued dancing until they were done with the session. By that time, Changbin couldn’t even describe how he felt at that moment. He still went on with his day, joking around with others, although he was more quiet than usual. Nobody seemed to notice and if they did, they didn’t say anything. It wasn’t unheard of that sometimes each of them had trouble with sleeping sometimes, for some reason Chan still worried. Maybe it was him being just overprotective, but he did.

3racha were cooped up in the studio, still fixing some tracks and going through lyrics to see if there was anything to improve. Changbin busied himself with reading the lyrics and found himself nodding off once in a while. Jisung was pretty much in the same condition, it was quite hilarious to see how the younger’s head lolled side to side occasionally. If only he knew that he looked exactly the same. Chan just watched at the duo who were more or less coming in and out of sleep. He shook his head, but let them fall asleep. By the looks of it, they both needed it. Slowly but surely, the two younger ones did fall asleep.

Changbin jolted awake again, slamming his knee against the desk in the process. He hissed in pain and rubbed his knee with a wince. Chan had just been glancing at the two, just make sure that neither one of them were falling from their chairs or anything else. He had witnessed how Changbin had just jolted awake, from the peaceful sleep.

“Oh my God, Bin, are you okay?” he asked, moving quickly to the rapper's side. Changbin just groaned in answer and rubbed his knee.

“Fuck, yeah, I'm fine”, he replied, hissing out the curse word.

“Was it a nightmare that woke you up? You just kind of… Jumped awake and looked distressed”, Chan continued, ignoring Chanbin’s cursing since he was clearly in pain.

“Might have been because I slammed my knee kinda hard against the damn table”, Changbin retorted dryly. Chan didn't say anything and just waited for him to answer his other question. The silence was unbearable for Changbin and he finally answered:

“No… I don't know what woke me up. I just did.” Chan frowned at the answer, he could see how bothered Changbin was over the matter, so he didn't press it any further. Changbin was puzzled and concerned. This was the second time this had happened in a row. And it had happened right in front of Chan too, why on earth had Chan let him fall asleep? Then he remembered that Chan had no idea of what Changbin was going through, so of course, he had let him sleep. Well him and Jisung both. Jisung was still dead to the world, drooling onto the palm of his hand and the boy shifted slightly in his sleep. Even though his head was in an awkward angle, he still seemed to be  very comfortable. Something that Changbin was envious of. He shook himself out his thoughts and went back to work. If anyone asked, they all had been working hard and definitely not sleeping and drooling all over the place.

The work day was finally over and 3racha finally actually came home in a humane time of the day.. Or late evening. They came back to the dorms at 9pm and the members had some mental peace, now knowing that the hard-working trio were going to get a proper sleep after a longer while. Changbin was still skeptical about his sleep though. While he was tired, yes, he wasn’t sure that would he be able to fall asleep or wake up again. As he climbed into his bunk bed, he googled reasons why did he wake up at night. Most suggested stress and anxiety. And they were the reasons that made the most sense, and he absolutely hated it. Why did he have to be an anxious person? He was still luckier than Felix, as he could hide his anxiousness easier and control it, but it sometimes it bothered him. And apparently affected his sleeping too, he added in his mind. His whole being felt heavy and he prayed that he could finally sleep like a normal human. His prayers, however, were not answered. Changbin wasn’t surprised at all as he woke up at 3am this time. After awhile of lying down and overthinking, he did fall asleep again, and thank goodness, he didn’t wake up again until Hyunjin’s loud ass alarm started ringing.

The week went on with similar pattern: he would work, eat, practice and after falling asleep, he would wake up in the middle of the night. He was starting to get desperate on what to do. He had tried to drink chamomile tea to calm his nerves, took melatonin and avoided looking at his phone before he went to sleep, but he always woke up in the darkness every night. Changbin started getting a little scared of falling asleep. It was dumb and childish, since the worst that could happen was that he would wake up during the night and wouldn’t fall asleep again or would continue going in and out of sleep. There was nothing to be afraid of, but he still did fear it. No matter how much he repeated to himself that it was irrational and dumb, he couldn’t really bring himself to believe the words when he actually did wake up. Other members had noticed how jumpy he was becoming and despite going to sleep fairly early, his dark circles didn’t lighten. If anything, they got darker.  

It was Sunday night and he woke up again. This time he was drenched in sweat and in no time he had tears pooling in his eyes. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, so he broke down crying. He tried to stifle his sobs that shook his whole body and in distress, pulled at his hair. He silently sobbed until his eyes were dry and even blinking hurted. The tears had burned his already dry lips and he could feel how swollen his eyes were, yet he didn’t care. There was nobody to see him in this state anyway, he thought to himself as he leaned his head against his knees that he had pulled to this chest. He decided that he had enough of sitting in the dark room, being suffocated by his own thoughts and tiptoed to the bathroom in plans of blowing his nose and splash his face with some water. What he wasn't expecting, was to hear someone walking towards the kitchen. He quickly tried to bactrack but slammed straight against a wall, hoping that the person, who was walking, hadn’t seen or heard him. Well, the last hope was completely crushed as he stumbled on something that made a loud clattering sound and the fact that him slamming against the wall also created quite a loud noise. He cursed under his breath and leaned his head against the wall.

“Hello? Who is in there?” The person, who revealed to be Chan, asked cautiously into the darkness. As he was debating that should he make a run for it and possibly run into walls (again) and create a big mess or try to wait it out, Chan had moved from his spot in the kitchen and was fumbling around, looking for a light switch. The lights were turned on suddenly and it blinded Changbin momentarily, he automatically brought his hands to his face to shield his poor eyes, which were already stinging from crying.

“Changbin?” the leader asked, confused. Why was Changbin awake at this hour of the night? He scanned the younger with his gaze, trying to find a reason why he was up and that’s when he saw Changbin’s chapped, dry lips and how the younger rapper was covering his eyes. Chan said his name again, this time getting his attention. Changbin looked up, locking eyes with the elder. Chan’s heart broke seeing Changbin’s bloodshot eyes and eyelids that were swollen, which just told him that the young man had been crying. He slowly made his way to the young rapper, putting his hand onto his shoulder in a calming manner. He didn’t say anything, just let Changbin lean against him and soak himself in comfort and warmth that his body emitted. He wrapped Changbin into his arms and rubbed the rapper’s tense back. Slowly but surely Changbin started relaxing and trusted Chan enough to hold his weight, when he melted against him.

“I haven’t been able to sleep well this week… I keep waking up in the middle of the night”, Changbin confessed quietly, words a little muffled as his face was pressed against Chan’s chest. Chan still understood and tightened his hold a little.

“Do you know why?” he asked carefully. All what he got back in response was a weak shake of the head and a low rumble:

“Well… I’ve googled stuff and the reason that made the most sense in my case would be anxiety. The comeback’s near and I’m a little worried.” He sighed and continued rubbing Changbin’s back.

“I’m not going to scold you, because I know how your mind works… But please, next time when things like these happen, you can come to me, to us. It’s okay Changbin, all of us struggle with sleeping one way or another at some point, we wouldn’t push you away or think that you’re annoying. We would be hypocrites”, Chan said, chuckling at the end his sentence. Changbin just hummed, showing that he had indeed heard him but was too tired to actually reply.

“What about… You come sleep with me and you wake me if you wake up. We can talk about what worries you and what’s going on inside that cute head of yours”, Chan suggested. Changbin found himself just nodding tiredly and together they staggered to Chan’s bed. They slipped under the covers without a fuss, and Changbin would never admit how eagerly he pressed himself against Chan again. Chan smiled broadly, but of course, Changbin couldn’t see it but somehow, he just knew that Chan was smiling like a doofus.

“Stop smiling like that or I’ll kick you off of the bed”, Changbin growled playfully. Chan held his laughter in and nodded, then wrapping himself around Changbin like a koala. Changbin took a deep breath and slowly relaxed again. Soon they both fell asleep. Even though Changbin woke up again later, this time because of a nightmare, Chan held him and reassured that everything was okay and that he was safe. And Changbin believed him. Now knowing that he had someone there for him if he woke up again, he went back into unconsciousness with a bit more ease.