#but like this is a thing ive SEEN and experienced where. in succumbing to your own spiraling harmful ideation towards yourself

[dirt-grub]

oh god if you look at otgw the like objective way of the unknown being an in between of life and death that they experienced in the water that means wirt absolutely was just gonna give up but the thought of greg in his subconscious mind was what made him wake up and bring them both to safety

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Words: 2,698 Daryl Dixon x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: the prison Warnings: Language, typical TWD stuff Requested by: Anonymous

Your name: submit What is this?

Daryl was frozen. In all their time fighting side by side, Rick had never seen the archer freeze. But there wasn’t time. There wasn’t time for anything. There wasn’t time for a murmur of reassurance or an argument or a second to fully grasp the reality of what was about to happen and the potential consequences. Rick took one final glance at your face, which was pale as freshly fallen snow and eerily calm. How were you so calm when you knew what was about to happen? Rick raised the blade.

Rick was suddenly in his face and although Daryl could see that he was yelling he couldn’t hear anything but a high-pitched ringing in his ears, until finally Rick reached out and grabbed Daryl’s shoulders. It was like someone suddenly turned the volume back on and time sped up from the grindingly slow pace it had been crawling at.

Daryl raised his crossbow and turned, his expression pure agony, but he snapped into action and helped clear the way back to the cell block. He couldn’t really even remember the trip back or getting you inside or what Hershel had done next, what Rick had said to him, how they had moved you onto one of the beds… All he knew was that it had been chaos and now he was sitting at the side of your bunk, staring at the beads of sweat on your brow and how pale your lips looked and how your left forearm just was… gone.

Daryl sensed someone standing in the doorway and looked up to see Hershel there. Hershel had never seen Daryl look so poorly… Daryl couldn’t even come up with the right question to ask, but the veterinarian turned doctor seemed to know what was on his mind.

“We won’t know for a while. I think the amputation was fast enough, but even if we averted that crisis, she still has a lot to overcome. Succumbing to the trauma of shock or blood loss or an infection are the biggest fears now.” Daryl turned back to look at your still form and his eyes continually hitched on the stump where your left forearm should have been.

Rick appeared over Hershel’s shoulder just in time to see Daryl gently take your right hand in his. “How is she doin’?” he asked quietly. Hershel glanced over at him.

“No signs of fever so far. But we need more clean dressings, an IV, antibiotics,” Hershel murmured. “Without them I’m afraid even if she survives the shock, she’ll die of a blood infection.”

Rick nodded gravely. “Time we go find the infirmary then.” Maggie and Glenn, who were waiting nearby, stepped forward.

“We’ll go too. And if the infirmary doesn’t have what she needs, we’ll get it somewhere else,” Glenn said. Maggie nodded.

“Whatever she needs,” Maggie agreed. She glanced in at the archer and her heart ached. He was slumped over beside you, holding your hand in his like it was a lifeline.

“I’ll make you a list,” Hershel said, nodding at Rick.

Rick hesitated for a moment and then produced his handcuffs from his back pocket. Daryl looked up at the sound of the metallic clinking. He straightened up as he saw them.

“The hell are those for?” he growled.

“Daryl, we just need to be safe—”

“Nah. Ya ain’t puttin’ those on her,” he snapped.

“It’s just in case—”

“I said no!” he roared, standing up abruptly. “She ain’t turnin’! And I ain’t leavin’ her side. So, keep your damn cuffs. We don’t need ‘em.” He sank down into his chair again heavily, trembling slightly. Hershel glanced back at Rick.

“It’s alright. She’s in good hands here. Let’s get that list made up so you can go find those supplies,” Hershel said softly.

Daryl pressed your hand between his palms. It felt so small, fragile, between his own. He stared at your face for any sign of you waking but it was still. Your breathing was slow but a little shallow. He reached up and stroked his fingers gently through your hair and then rubbed your hand between his again to warm it. You felt a little cold.

He moved forward and laid his head down on his arms, your hand still clutched in his. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to go to pieces, barely containing the torrent of emotions swelling in his chest. If he’d been faster… if he’d paid more attention… this shouldn’t have happened to you. His only job was to keep you safe and he had failed. What if you never woke up? What if—Daryl’s face contorted as he could no longer stop the tears from flowing out. His shoulders shook as he gasped in heaving breaths. It was his fault this had happened to you. It was his fault.

“Daryl.” Carol’s voice was gentle and soft from the doorway and the archer hastily wiped the tears from his face and glanced up at her. “It’s not your fault,” she said. She knew he was blaming himself.

“Ya weren’t there,” he said, sniffling a little and glancing back at your still and silent form again, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “I should have been able to protect her. It is my fault.”

“These things just happen. It’s no one’s fault,” she said, watching the tortured expression on his face. Carol’s heart sank. If you didn’t wake up, she didn’t know what would happen to Daryl. The thought scared her as much as losing you did. He was so in love with you. Carol wasn’t sure he’d come back from it if you didn’t make it.

Just then there was a commotion in the room outside the cells and Carol turned to see Rick, Maggie, and Glenn rushing back with full bags slung over their shoulders. Hershel met them at the door. “We got everything on the list,” Rick said, setting his duffel bag down on the table. “And then some.”

Hershel heaved a sigh of relief. “Good. We need to get antibiotics and fluids into her system as soon as we can. She lost a lot of blood.”

Glenn pulled a big bottle out of his bag and handed it to Hershel. “Here. Some serious painkillers.”

Hershel nodded. “Good. I’ll mix up a cocktail for her right away,” he said.

Soon Hershel had you on an IV drip and he reached over and pressed a hand to your forehead. “Still no fever,” he said, catching Daryl’s blue eyes. “I think we’re in the clear from the virus. The amputation worked.” He patted Daryl on the shoulder kindly. “She’s strong. She’ll fight.”

Daryl gave your hand another gentle squeeze and raised it to his lips, pressing a kiss to it and holding it there, his eyes fixed back on your face. “How long—how long before you think she should be waking up?” he asked, his voice thick and heavy with gravel.

Hershel looked back at you on the bunk. “It’s hard to say. She’s experienced significant trauma so her body may just need to be out for a while. And the painkillers I put in her IV will make her sleepy. It isn’t time to worry yet,” he said.

Daryl scoffed. “It’s been time to worry since I met her,” he growled, squeezing your hand gently.

Hershel gave him a sad smile. “It’s okay she’s still unconscious, son. Look,” he said nodding toward you again. “Some of the color is coming back to her face. That’s a good sign.”

Daryl studied the pinkness that was back in your lips and your cheeks and stroked a hand through your hair again. He nodded, clutching more tightly to your hand.

“You come get me if anything changes, alright?” Hershel said. And then he left Daryl alone with you again.

Daryl refused to eat or drink as day turned to night, refused to sleep, refused to leave your side for a second. He sat watch over you, his stomach churning with every passing minute you lay there still. He hung his head and pressed his lips to the back of your hand again, shutting his eyes. “Please, wake up, Y/N. Please. I need ya. I need ya…” he whispered to you, hoping with his entire being. And then he felt something. You had squeezed his hand back. His eyes shot up and he fell forward onto his knees beside you, the chair clattering back behind him. Your eyes were open and they met his.

Tears immediately filled his blue eyes. “Y/N!” he stroked your cheek with one hand and held more tightly to you with the other. “You’re awake. I’m—I’m right here. It’s okay. I’m here.”

He watched in disbelief as your lips curved slightly in a small smile as you looked up at him. “I know, babe,” you whispered.

“What do ya—how are ya feeling?”

You blinked a few times like you were thinking hard about the question. “I think I’m high,” you said, your brow furrowing slightly. Daryl’s eyes narrowed at your answer. “Am I on some good painkillers?” you asked.

Daryl nodded. “Ya. I’m glad they’re working.” He stroked his fingers through your hair again and watched with apprehension as you turned and looked at the bandages on your left arm. He watched a shadow grow on your face and your brow furrow. Daryl felt like a bubble that had been expanding in his chest burst suddenly. Tears poured out onto his cheeks again. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t keep ya safe. It’s my fault. I’m so sorry.” He hung his head again, trying to gasp in a breath.

You looked back over at him in shock. “Hey.” You squeezed his hand again when he wouldn’t look at you. “Daryl. Look at me.” You waited until he lifted his blue eyes again. “There is no way in hell that this is your fault.” He tried to look away again but you tugged on his hand. “I mean it. It just happened. You don’t get to claim any blame for it. None. Okay?” He sniffled but he held your eyes.

A few more tears leaked out of his eyes and he anxiously chewed his bottom lip. “I—I thought I was gonna lose ya,” he whispered, pressing your hand between his palms again. He looked down at it and smoothed his fingers over the soft skin on the back of your hand. “I thought—” he broke off, unable to even speak the horrible thoughts that had consumed him since you were bitten.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered. “You’re stuck with me.”

Daryl was amazed at the small smile on your lips again and his heart hammered like it was trying to get to you. He leaned forward, cupping your face gently, and pressed a kiss to that little smile. He rested his forehead against yours for a brief moment. You sighed and shut your eyes, breathing in his familiar smell, loving the safety of his closeness. The archer finally pulled back and righted his chair beside your bed again. “Rest,” he said softly. “I’m gonna tell Hershel you’re awake.” He got up to find him, but you squeezed his hand again and he glanced back at you.

“You have to promise me that you will try to let go of the guilt,” you said. The smile was gone and there was concern on your face. You were lying in a bed missing half your arm and you were concerned about him. How the hell did he deserve you? He was almost overwhelmed with emotion again, but he nodded.

“I promise,” he said. “I’ll try.” He leaned over you and captured your lips in another kiss. “Rest, alright? I’ll be right back.”

You released his hand and turned your eyes to the bandages again. It had all happened so fast, and none of it felt real yet. It was like you were in a dream and would wake up at any second. The implications weren’t even occurring to you yet. Daryl was in the forefront of your mind. You knew he was likely to torture himself over this, despite the fact that it could have happened to anyone. It was just a risk of living in the world now. You felt lucky that the only thing you had lost was your arm, and yet at the same time you knew you would need to grieve it. But for now, you needed to know that Daryl wouldn’t blame himself.

He returned with Hershel, who immediately smiled at you when he saw your eyes open. He came and sat at your bedside while Daryl lingered in the doorway, chewing his bottom lip as was his anxious habit. “How are you feeling? How is the pain?” Hershel asked you.

“Pain is fine,” you said. “I’m just tired.”

Hershel put a kind hand on your shoulder. “I think we’ve turned the corner,” he said. “But you’re going to need to rest and give yourself time to heal. I don’t want you up and about for another day or two. You lost a lot of blood, and we need to make sure we keep that are infection free.” You nodded.

“Where’s Rick?” you asked, glancing at Daryl in the doorway.

The familiar drawl answered. “Right here,” he said, appearing over Daryl’s shoulder. You looked up at the lean man and saw he looked completely exhausted.

Your brow furrowed. “You look like shit,” you said, causing everyone to chuckle, even Daryl. “Thanks. For what you did,” you said quietly. “For saving my life or whatever,” you said with a small smile. Your eyelids were starting to droop a little, sleep waiting to take hold.

Rick patted Daryl on the shoulder and nodded at you. “Anything for you and Daryl. Anything.”

“Alright, she needs rest now,” Hershel said, getting up and motioning for Rick to clear out with him. “Get some sleep.”

Daryl moved back to your bedside as Hershel and Rick left and sank down onto the chair, immediately taking your hand between his again.

“What are you doing over there?” you asked him. He gave you a questioning look.

“How am I supposed to sleep with you so far away?” You turned onto your side, wincing a little as you moved your injured arm, but you cleared space beside you and looked up at the archer with a look he couldn’t resist, even if he had wanted to.

He carefully climbed onto the bed beside you, moving a strand of hair out of your eyes and stroking his thumb lightly over your cheek. You were facing each other and he could see you studying his face. You smiled at him, just a small, sleepy one. “Now I can sleep,” you whispered.

He pressed a kiss to your lips and tried to put everything he was thinking and feeling into it. When he drew back, your eyes flitted open again. “We’re gonna be just fine. You always take care of me,” you murmured to him.

He nodded. “And I always will.” And with that reassurance, you drifted off to sleep with your favorite person in the world beside you.

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

An Ephemeral Eternity in Seven Parts - Steve Rogers x Reader

MASTERLIST Warnings: Gifs aren’t mine. My English. Also, last sentence - well, maybe it’s the start of something new.  Word Count~ 7k.  Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI PART  VII

 The melancholic notes of the guitar accompanied her soft and broken voice in a song that reminded very much of a lamentation of her past, her present and her future.

 Everything she touched, begun to decay. Everyone she loved, had only ended up unloved, depressed, addicted or alone. It had made her wonder if she was the one; if she was the wolf dressed as the little red riding hood. What if everyone around her was simply a helpless sheep and to prowl for her next meal she clothed herself in love and kindness, only to poison those closest to her until they are damaged beyond repair. She could only ever ruin so many relationships before she understood that the devil lived inside of her making her a toxic landfill disguised in fake beautiful grass and flowers - she had never been afraid of the monster in her closet, she had always been terrified by the one she saw in the mirror.  She didn't remember which night it was - the one she left, like a thief, not making a sound, knowing that he heard her. It made her decision easier when he didn't even try to stop her. It was selfish - he had been badly broken too. She felt the failure calling out her name - she couldn't make it better for him because she was a mess. She had lost herself and she wasn't sure she wasn't sure she wanted to be found. And so she left. She took a few clothes with her and left.  She had no solid plan for her days ahead. She couldn't find a point to it. She had wandered aimlessly when she found herself in a small city that did not speak English. She had smiled painfully to herself. A stranger among strangers. 

Not long after her decision to stay there for a while, she had to find a way to earn some money in order to get by. The kind old lady, who had helped her with almost everything, seeing in her face the granddaughter she had lost just mere weeks before she turned up in her door - since she was one of the very few people who spoke English -  had offered her a job she thought it would suit her. There was a small place where those who stayed behind went to drink and listen to old and soft songs about loss, love and pain. They were missing a singer. She had thought why not.  Isabella had been nothing but kind and sweet, just like a real grandmother - not that she had met one.  "Grief is a deeply personal and solitary journey. No one can truly feel or understand your loss but you, even those who have experienced it themselves. But grief is also love, and for that reason it has a right to exist and be felt. It is the debt we owe our memories. It is the final way we love someone" she had soothed her after the first time she heard her sing. There was pain in her voice, even when she sung in Spanish. She had never believed it would cost her everything. Yet, it did. 

 Months flew by as she had fallen into a simple yet so human routine. Many handsome men had threw themselves to her but she had closed herself, letting no one in. She had lost people along the way. She had left others behind. She had cut them out of her life, sometimes uncertain if it was the right decision. Looking back, she had done things she might have regretted now. This quieter life she had now was closer to the one she had been dreaming the cold nights that she had been held by HYDRA or trained by Madam B. She couldn't sake the feeling that something was missing - she was different and she hadn't ever realized. The girl from her past wasn't the woman she had grown to be.  "Hay un hombre guapo buscándote, cariño" Isabella suddenly told her, making her slightly jump from the couch she had been seated for at least two hours, starring at the wall. Seeing her lost eyes, Isabella sat down next to her and took her hands in hers.  "Listen, cariño. Love transcends gender, age, political beliefs; it crosses borders. It’s literally the strongest motivator and force we have. It makes people do things they can’t explain. And it comes in all forms and it comes when you least expect it and it comes and it goes and it changes and people have spent years and wrote books and studied the stars trying to understand it. And sometimes it’s the boy you called over to get over,  the boy you were crying about and sometimes it’s the girl you grew up next door to your whole life and sometimes it’s a friend who saved your soul or a baby you didn’t expect. But it’s all around us in forms yet to be manifested- letters yet to be written, hands yet to be held. And all goodness stems from it and it literally changes the world. So even though it sometimes causes us pain and it drags us into situations we didn’t ask for, we can never close ourselves off to it or give up on it. We have to keep loving because it’s the closest thing we have to magic and without it we’re just a conscious pile of bones and life means nothing. Ve hacia el" and just like that, from the mouth of someone who used to be a stranger, the entire meaning of life and love and pain was summed up into a minute of hope. Isabella had lost her son and her granddaughter, everyone she ever loved and yet, there she was telling her to embrace life with its bad and its good. Tears she had no idea when they escaped, were running down her face. "Mi bella Isabella, gracias por tu sabiduría. Gracias por tu amor. But if I go to him, I'll leave you and I can't do that to you" she told her truthfully. Isabella just shook her head and smiled.  "I'll always be here. Go to him, cariño". She kissed her cheek and hugged her as tightly as she would love to be hugged. She had been everything she was missing.

 As the song went on, her eyes fell on him - he had just entered the place. And every memory she kept tacked away, came back rushing through her veins. In her head, she could hear Isabella's words but her heart just didn't want to get hurt again. She knew the moment he talked to her, she would succumb her entire being to his hands. 

War was the only dance he had ever known and she wished they could have had more time amid the chaos and fire and blood to show him that there could be another way. She fell in love with the way he saw the world, the way he saw her... She fell in the chasm of his soul and his light. She would gladly drown in the darker half of the sea to hold him in her arms for more than just that single night of peace. She had been aware that they had met and they had loved in a warzone and even though his kisses had melted away the gunfire, they still held echoes of the fire burning in him but she knew hers were the same. He had been worth the risk time and time again because with his hand burning into her skin, she had hope once more ... and the blood that had stained him couldn't take away his goodness and the stars that had betrayed him, didn't mean she forsaken her devotion. There had always been a rage built inside their souls, just like this love was worthy of burning empires down ... screams that follow them all the way home only to be quieted when she kissed the blood from his lips... and even when the universe will force them to part he will remain, echoing in her heart that only belonged to him. She knew that they were the ugly parts of the love story but she also knew they were the beautiful ones too. The song came to an end and she went to the table she held every night, the one far away from the lights and the people. Eyes never leaving his, she nodded for him to join her, as she poured herself a glass of red wine. He had never been so afraid of a moment and its impact. He had no idea what to say to her or how to be around her, when she poured and offered him another glass of wine.  "I didn't know you could sing" he told her before he hid his face in his hands, only to resurface as red as a tomato. She tried to swallow her laughter but failed.  "You're still not good with women, Steve" and just by saying his name, her heart places itself in his hands. He smiled brightly even though he had messed up his opening line, it had worked out. She was sipping her wine with a fondness he had never seen before. Maybe leaving was the best thing she had done - and he would be selfish to ask her back. Again. Not leaving her alone, to decide her own path. He needed her in a way he hadn't needed anyone since...  "I will come back Steve. But I need you to promise me that we will search and search over and over again for a way to undo this -and if we don't find one it will be because there isn't, not because we overlooked it" she told him boldly with her eyes a soft lilac color, as she looked over her shoulder, signaling to someone to approach them He was taken aback. He believed that she wouldn't even want to talk about what had happened. He had seen the way Bucky had looked at her before he... and he had already suspected his feelings towards her. Steve knew it had a great impact on her - not that it had been the only reason for her breakdown. After realizing her new powers she had refused to use them because they were the reason half of the planet was dead. He looked at her with a new found admiration - she was the bigger person.  "Of course. May I ask why?" he prepared himself to hear a reason he wouldn't like, instead, his heart broke a little bit more.  She smiled and stood up to give her sit to an old woman he had never seen before. It was the first time Steve saw this side of her.  "Isabella, este es Steve. Ese hombre guapo que me estaba buscando" she spoke in Spanish making him question if he knew her at all. Isabella took his hands into hers and looked at him just like his mother would have, which caused some tears to appear. They got to know each other and he realized that she had never felt the love of a family - and she craved it. When Isabella said her goodnight, having already invited him to spend the night in her house, she grew quiet. She knew he was waiting for an answer. "She is the reason why. She lost everything - her son, her granddaughter - and yet she hasn't lost hope. She told me to live life with everything that comes with it and embrace it because it's all we got.  She is the reason I am talking to you. She told me 'go to him' because love is the closest thing we have to magic and I couldn't just tell her I have magic running through my veins but couldn't save her family" she said with fire in her words and determination pouring over her. 

It felt wrong. Being back, felt wrong. She had followed him once again, but this time she hadn't found the people she had last time. She felt out of time – as if she didn’t belong. No one was waiting for her; Natasha was broken and Tony was nowhere near the place. Maybe she had been naïve for trusting him again; deep down she knew the only thing they had been left with was bitterness. She spent her days reading, training and trying out different things. Steve had an unhealthy need to fill Sam’s shoes as he had begun some group session. The irony was obvious to her; He was telling them, urging them to move on while he would never. She had seen as much in his eyes when they were talking about his past and the beginnings of his story – way before he became Captain America. There was one particular story he didn’t feel like sharing and she understood why – but also bothered her. She had kept her promise and had searched everything in order to find a way to undo this. She had spent days and nights looking for an answer. There had been times she felt so useless she wouldn’t get out of her room – nobody dared to disagree with her on those days. Slowly yet steadily, Steve and her grew distant and she felt as if they were miles apart even when they were sitting right next to each other. Being positive had never been one of her assets and that fake optimism Steve had, got on her nerves. Then again, maybe it was just his way of coping with the events. She had found herself longing to leave the base and go back to Isabella’s house more than enough times to realize that she never felt at home in the Avenger’s base. And the years flew by without even noticing it. The only thing new must had been the fact that she met Carol, a woman with many of her own powers and a life experience to match them. Other than that, Natasha had been obsessing over Clint – who had gone dark after his family disappearance. She could never say that all of those people had died – they had just dusted away. Which was the same and she had been fooling herself for a very long time. Steve had been the positive fucking little unicorn in front of others but he was so lost when they were alone. A raccoon was sending them emails with reports and Nebula wanted to get revenge a tad more than all of them combined.  She knew things were bound to be different, but she couldn’t recognize anything anymore. She had been drifted away from those around her because she didn’t feel a connection to them anymore – the only thing they had in common was anger. She had just made a cup of coffee when Steve walked in, finding Natasha on the verge of crying as he went on about the bright side, but Nat wasn’t having it. She just plopped down next to Natasha, smiling towards Steve without even bothering to listen to their conversation but her eye caught something. Something unexpected. “Oh! Hi. Hi! Is anyone home? This is Scott Lang. We met a few years ago, at the airport? In Germany? I got really big, and I had my mask on. You wouldn't recognize me” Scott Lang was rumbling on at their front gate. Before she could register their reactions, she had buzzed him in and left the room running towards him. “Have you ever studied Quantum Physics?” Scott asked them a moment later. “Only to make conversation” came a sarcastic answer by Natasha, which didn’t bring him down. “Alright. So... five years ago, right before Thanos, I was in a place called the Quantum Realm. The Quantum Realm is like its own microscopic universe. To get in there, you have to be incredibly small. Hope, she's my... She was my... She was supposed to pull me out. And then Thanos happened, and I got stuck in there” he said while he was struggling not to tell the entire truth about their relationship. “I'm sorry. That must've been a very long five years” Natasha sincerely told him only to be shocked when he replied the most unbelievable thing. “Yeah, but that's just it. It wasn't. For me, it was five hours”. Steve and Nat shared a quick bewildered glance, while she had figured it out, because she had indeed studied Quantum Physics. “See, the rules of the Quantum Realm aren't like they are up here. Everything is unpredictable. Is that anybody's sandwich? I'm starving” Scott said as he strode over to pick up Nat's sandwich, and bit into it. “Scott, what are you talking about?” Steve asked him confused and puzzled. “What he is saying is, time works differently in the Quantum Realm” she chimed in, gaining a strange look from Steve and a very impressed one from Scott. “The only problem is right now, we don't have a way to navigate it. But what if we did? I can't stop thinking about it. What if, we could somehow control the chaos, and we could navigate it? What if there was a way to enter the Quantum Realm at a certain point in time but then exit at another point in time? Like...” he went on. “Like before Thanos” she half-whispered. “Wait, are you two talking about a time machine?” Steve asked as he couldn’t believe his ears. “No. No, of course not. No, not a time machine. It's more like a... Yeah, a time machine. I know it's crazy. But I can't stop thinking about it. There's gotta be some way... There's gotta be...some w... it's crazy” his craziness was making her head dizzy. She knew they would have to talk to her father, sooner or later. She hoped it would be later but that was not gonna the case. “Scott, I get e-mails from a raccoon, so nothing sounds crazy anymore” Nat reassured him. “So who do we talk to about this?” Scott cut to the chase and everyone looked at her. 

They pulled over at his cabin and one by one got out of the car. Tony looked at them and she could tell that he was not looking forward to the discussion about to take place. He acknowledged her with a single hey, and so she decided to let them talk in peace while she was gazing at the lake from afar. "I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me. A lot of people did. And now, now we have a chance to bring her back. To bring everyone back. And you're telling me that won't even... “ his voice got louder as he tried to sell his desperation to Tony. “That's right, Scott, I won't even. I got a kid” Tony simply told them, making her remark. “Yeah, now he’s got a kid” she retorted, making him realize what he had just said. As on cue, Morgan run to her dad, who picked her up. “Mommy told me to come and save you. And to tell to the pretty girl to stay a while” Morgan told him as she pointed at his other daughter. “Good job. I'm saved. I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else. Honestly, I... I missed you guys, it was... Oh, and table's set for six” he went on and informed them. “Tony, I get it. And I'm happy for you, I really am. But this is a second chance” Steve tried to reason with him but she already knew he wasn’t gonna give up just yet. He had to solve it on his own. “I got my second chance right here, Cap. I can't roll the dice again. If you don't talk shop, you can stay for lunch. And you should stay for a while” he concluded as he turned to face her. She smiled at him. She was going to stay a while and Steve saw it. It was hard to say goodbye but unfortunately it had become easier with the years. Steve, Nat and Scott were walking back to their car outside Tony's house as she was stepping inside, hugging Pepper. She could feel him slipping away from her life but she didn’t know how to keep him there – well, she didn’t even know if he wanted to be there anymore.

The day had been quiet, Pepper was an amazing mother and Tony was trying to be a great dad but he knew that he had failed once before, so he wasn’t hoping for much. They had lunch and she met Morgan a bit better. The kid was smart, but that didn’t come as a surprise, it was rather a given. “So how do you two know each other?” she asked suspiciously as she eyed her. Tony almost chocked but she kept her calm, as she was sipping a glass of wine. “We used to work together for a project, sweetie” she smoothly told her without raising any suspicion and even thought Tony felt relieved, Pepper shoot him an angry look, making him nod his head as if they made a promise. “You’re an Avenger!” Morgan exclaimed, excited with her new discovery. But before she could say a thing, Morgan begun asking questions – more questions than anyone before, leaving her stumped. “Honey, come on. Don’t bombard her with your questions. Wanna help me with dessert?” Pepper came to the rescue quickly and she couldn’t be more thankful. Silence fell and it was awkward because no one was going to break it first and Pepper knew as she said louldy "talk". Both of them rolled their eyes at that. "She is smart, that's from your side and she is beautiful - that's all Pepper" she commented shortly after. He almost laughed at her quick comeback.  "How are you? How are things back?" he asked her sincerely, trying to make up for all the lost time. She shook her head, not wanting to lie. Something he understood very well.  "Let me guess. You have been drifted away from people, especially Steve" he made a wild guess and he knew he was right. She stopped hiding her feelings. "Everything I thought I had is no longer. That's why I came here with them. They are asking you to be a hero and save the world. I just wanted to ask you a favor. A while back, I... I left and went -" "To a nice lady called Isabella, who lost her son and granddaughter" he finished her sentence for her, leaving her puzzled. "What? Did you really think I wasn't looking after you?" he asked her. "Well, you left to start a family and didn't even call, so... um. I should have" she concluded at last. He disagreed with her. She had stayed there, not to ask him to fight with them, but to help her find a way, because she knew that there was going to be o return for him and she wanted Morgan to have both of her parents and to feel loved. One of his daughters should. 

She was just watching him work from the couch as she was drinking a hot cup of tea. “Look at a mod inspiration, let me see what check out. So, recommend one last sim before we pack it in for the night” he gave orders to his computer. “Maybe in the shape of a mobius strip, inverted, don’t you think?” she commented as she took a look to the holographic experiment. He agreed with an impressed look. “Do as the lady suggests” he informed Friday. “Processing... “ “Give me that eigenvalue. That, particle factoring, and a spectral decomp. That will take a second” he had just stepped away, towards the couch but it was not to be. “And don't worry if it doesn't pan out. I'm just kinda –“ “Model rendered” Friday announced sending waves of bewilderments down her spine. Tony in a complete shock of amazement as the render came back as 99.987% successful, fell back ecstatic by this discovery. “Shit!” they both exclaimed at the same time. “Shit” Morgan giggled as she repeated the word they had just uttered. Tony took on the father roll quicker than she had thought as he nodded to her to take care of everything that had just been projected while he took Morgan away. They had solved time travel. They had actually found out how to go back in time. Her mind was blown away just by looking at it. As she was walking around the holographic model, Pepper came down the stairs looking for her. “You should rest honey. It’s late” she told her like a mother would. She smiled at her and waited for Tony to get back. “Maybe it’s not” she told her, leaving her puzzled. They both sat on the couch, Pepper reading a book and she was just thinking of the endless possibilities. People less lucky than her would get to see the sun again. Isabella’s family. Spider-kid, Wanda, Strange, Bucky. Oh Gods, Bucky. She had tried to forget about him and how much it had affected her. It had been one of the few failures of her life. “Not that it's a competition, but she loves me 3000. You were somewhere on the low 6 to 900 range” Tony announced as he joined them and got Pepper to scoff. “What are you reading?” he asked absentmindedly as she noticed. “Oh, it's just a book on composting” Pepper told him, making her long for a simple life once more. “What's new with composting?” he asked again without really wanting an answer. Before she could, he cut her off. “We figured it out, by the way” he blurred out, pointing at his daughter proudly. “You know, just so we're talking about the same thing –“ Pepper tried to catch up on their new discovery, very happy they were working together. “Time travel” he simply informed like it was nothing. “What? Wow... That's amazing, and... terrifying. Oh, that’s why you told me maybe it’s not late” she told him amazed as she turned to her still very much astonished. “We got really lucky” she commented and both of them agreed. “Yeah, I know” her father said a tad sad. “A lot of people didn't” Pepper softly nudged him. “No, I can't help everybody” he tried to be civilized and open for debate about it. “It sorta seems like you can. Both of you” his wife disagreed. “Not if I stop. I can put a pin in it right now, and stop” he insisted but they all new what was about to happen. “Tony, trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures of my life” Pepper echoed her thought from moments ago. Tony smiled proudly about that very fact. “I sometimes feel I should put it in a locked box and drop it at the bottom of a lake... go to bed” he had almost given up on saying no. He wasn’t able to deny that she was right. “But would you be able to rest?” her soft voice pierced through his head. “And neither would you. I know that you left at some point because the memories were too much” she told her with honesty. She couldn’t believe how selfless Pepper was being about something so dangerous. “Come on, kiddo. It’s time to sleep. Tomorrow we are gonna go on a trip” Tony urged his daughter. She could get use to that. “Goodnight Pepper. Goodnight To-… dad” she finally told him, making him smile in pure happiness for the first time in a while.  

The whole world was changing and she had been a part of that very fact. Every plan, every strategy and every theory had been mapped out but she knew that sometimes, even the cleverest of minds can miss a point – so small that no one could have seen. Wanda was trying destroy Thanos, having cost everything to her, Scott and Hope were trying to kick start the engine of the van and everyone was trying to get the gauntlet as far away as possible, without it being very easy of a task. 

Pepper landed next to Okoye, followed by Mantis, Shuri, the Wasp, Gamora, Nebula and herself much to everyone else’s opinion – they all thought she was going to be right by Steve. Thanos' army charged while they helped Carol Danvers gey through the Outriders, Sakaarans and Chitauri. When Carol and she flew towards the van with the Gauntlet, Thanos, after being stopped by Pepper, Shuri and Hope, threw his double sword at the van, destroying it completely. He knocked Carol down and smacked Tony away as Thor arrived in an attempt to pin Thano’s arm down – Steve came rushing towards them, helping Thor but they were all overpowered. In a desperate attempt, when she saw Thanos picking up the gauntlet she punched him away. Thanos grabbed her by the arm and threw her away like she weighted nothing. Thanos put on the gauntlet, gamma radiation from the stones all over his body, as he tried to snap, but she arose again, and stopped his fingers from snapping, opening up his hand similar to what she had seen Steve doing in the other battle. She almost had him, forcing him onto his knees, as her powers were finally enough, she was ready to steal the stones herself. She knew she could take them on – she was part of them and they were part of her. But alas, he pulled the Power Stone out of the Gauntlet and used it in his free hand to hit her away, almost killing her in the prosses. Tony was looking at his daughter terrified and too scared to think of what might happen. He made one last attack on Thanos, having an entirely different plan on his mind. Thanos pushed him away, ending up right next to his older daughter. All it took was one look and she knew – before she could anything at all, everything was already over. “I am inevitable” Thanos snapped his fingers, but nothing happened. He saw that the stones were missing. “NO!” she screamed but Tony simply smiled at her. s except a metallic "clink." He sees the Infinity Stones are missing.

“And I– am– Iron Man”.

The cruelest thing that someone had done to her was first claim to love her more than anything in the world. That he had never seen anything as exquisite as her. That she was every star in the night sky. That he would never leave her. And then one day, out of the blue he did. He lulled her into a false sense of security, convincing her that this, this is the forever love she have been looking for. This is the kind of love she needed all this time, the kind of love she had craved and let her get comfortable in it because it would last. And then, one day, he walked away. He made her believe that there would never be another. And then one day, he forgot her. He simply left without warning after promising her eternity. How ephemeral it turned out to be... It had been years since he came back. Not him - not her Steve. Peggy's Steve. She had refused to meet him - she had refused to even look at him, or be in the same building. She felt betrayed. She had lost Natasha as she had sacrificed herself to get the fucking Soul Stone. She had lost her father and that felt on her - she still felt responsible. And then Steve had decided to leave her all alone to fight her demons after constantly reassuring her he loved her.  But he caught her by surprise, when he entered her office, as she was now in charge of everything her father once held - Morgan was too young and Pepper wanted some time off with her daughter. He knocked the door, waited for her to call him in and he entered. She had been facing the other way, on a phone call but the minute she turned and faced him, her phone fell on the floor and her heart skipped more beats than she could count. "Hello, Ms.. Stark. Do you have a minute for an old friend?" he was being polite as well as sarcastic but her mind had already imploded, so what the fuck? Gaining some of her confidence back, she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.  "We were never friends, Mr. Rogers" she fired coldly but he knew her better and she hated it. He looked at her and all it took was a moment. He too raised his eyebrow and walked towards her with absolutely no intention of leaving. Before she could register his acts, he had enveloped her in to his big hug and she felt so fucking angry - it still felt like home. Without even knowing it, she was crying with her head almost resting on his chest.  "It’s weird. It’s weird how you have the same face but you’re a completely different person. It’s weird how I have so many amazing memories with you but they died off as you’re a completely different person. It’s weird that I’m mourning over someone that is still alive because you’re a completely different person. It’s weird, you’re a completely different person. And I hate you for leaving me, but I can never really hate you because I love you" she told him as he sat them down to her couch. She left his arms to look at him. She lowered her walls and finally opened up to him again.  "If I could do it all again, I would stay up later. I would ask more questions, unashamed of how personal they were and not afraid that I wouldn’t like the answers. If I could start over with you, I wouldn’t doubt my instincts. I wouldn’t fear what people thought if I catered to your every whim and laughed at every stupid joke. If I could try again, I would embrace every moment of every fight and ask for everything I needed from you. I wouldn’t worry if I was too needy, too attached, too much of anything. I would be myself more. I would scream louder. I wouldn’t hesitated to tell you I love you, in every way, every day. If I could do it again, I would not love you in halting steps always looking for some sort of validation that I was stepping on solid ground. I would jump into you and if you didn’t catch me, then I would still be picking up the same broken pieces I am now" she sincerely told him. She had lost both her friend and her father, both of them in the name of salvation and then Steve choose to leave her and go back. She had refused to exist for a while because she couldn't function. As everything crumbled around her, she had looked for a something to hold on to, but those closest couldn’t hear her amidst their screaming matches. She looked for those who swore to be there during her weakest moment only to see the illusion fade away leaving only crossed fingers, emptiness, and disappointment. She was done searching for someone, when someone did appear.  Without even thinking about it, he wiped a single tear that ran across her cheek. He wasn't her Steve, but those eyes...  "I never believed that I would have felt the way you made me feel after all those years in the ice. I owe you everything. And repaying you in the way I did... I wouldn't have forgiven me if I were you. An apology won't help, I know. For what it’s worth, you will always hold a special place" he told her in tender way that reminded her of their story and more tears found their way out. And he wiped every single one of them. She could tell from the way he hugged her when he saw her. He had kept the silent promise he had made when she was too drunk to remember what she had asked of him. Years had passed since she allowed herself to see him again. After saying a polite hello, they hugged like friends did. But then he squeezed her a little tighter right before he let go. She had almost rested her head on his chest out of habit, because it suddenly felt just like old times. She had thought she'd never be in his embrace again but there they were. They both wanted to hold on tighter but they knew they were different now. But she could tell from the way he hugged her, from the way he held on just a little longer, that somewhere, deep down...  "I missed you too" she smiled at him, a strange but very much wanted feeling of relief washing over her heart. They both knew, no one could stop loving. Once you have loved someone honestly, truly, you will never be able to un-love them. You can only find someone you will love more. At that time, your old love will not feel so strong, but it will always be in your heart, it will never let you forget something that at some point along the way made you happy.  "You hold a special place in someone else's heart too, you know" he commented like a genie. Her eyebrow arched. "Stop playing matchmaker, you old wise owl" she mocked him. At least, she could start again. He still held her face in his hands, he still held a piece of her, he would always be her first love. The bigger the love, the harder the fall. They stayed like that until Bucky walked into her office, looking for her. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously when he saw Steve holding her but he reprimanded himself almost immediately. She saw the way Steve looked up at him and she knew he wanted some alone time him. Leaving his hands was harder than she thought, smiling at all times. "Don't be a stranger, Rogers" she bid him goodbye but his eyes told her this wasn't the last time they would see each other and she found solace. She passed Bucky in her way out, smiling brightly to him, making his eyes sparkle in hope. She had just left the room when she heard Steve being completely honest.

"She is different now. I was too much of a punk to see how beautiful she really was. Her heart was beautiful, she cared so much about me and I never understood why. I don't think I treated her the way she deserves to be treated - but you do. Don't look at me like that, Bucky. I am old, not blind. I can see the way you two look at each other. Back then, her love scared me, it was so intense. I almost forgot how enticing her smile was. She just wasted so many tears on someone like me and for that I will never forgive me" he told his friend but his mind was someplace else. She smiled to herself and finally left them alone. Whatever was to come, she would face it. Finding closure had never been about forgetting. It had never been about drowning out the voices of her past or about closing her heart to memories that used to make you happy. Finding closure meant accepting a situation for what it was and moving on. It was coming to terms with the way things were and knowing that she couldn't change what had happened, but could still find growth among the broken pieces.

 _____

“I am so glad I got my heart broken. It led me to you”. ____

Taglist: @accio-rogers @coffee-with-orion @stydia-4-ever​ @smilexcaptainx​ @elliee1497​

[morganas-pendragons]

3| T.S.

I’m supposed to be writing a paper, here I am writing more for Endgame. I needed this - It’s my only way of coping. Thank you for the feedback, and enjoy!

CONTAINS ENDGAME SPOILERS - I WILL FIGHT FOR TONY STARKS RIGHT TO BE LOVED UNTIL I AM DEAD

Tag: @robertdownyjrs

***

  “When I come back, you better be here.” His words are spoken with fervor, a desperate promise that he needs you to be able to fulfill. You are the only person in Tony Starks life who has been there since the start, the only one who stayed, and the one he vowed to spend the rest of his life with. 

You have to be there when he comes back from Titan, because he might literally call it quits if you aren’t. You have to. 

Your reply comes in a searing kiss that quite literally makes him weak in the knees. “I already told you, you idiot.” You whisper as you force yourself away from him, lips hovering over his own so closely that he almost wants to take you right then and there. “I love you too much to leave.” 

And unfortunately, he loves you too much to stay, and that is what prompts him to board the ship that will take him to Titan. 

Given what happened during the Civi War between your fiancé and Steve Rogers, you’d give anything to be with him on Titan instead of protecting the outskirts of Wakanda. Steve has vowed to look after you - whatever that means - and somehow lost track of you after the battle, completely oblivious to the fact that you decided to remain with Thor. You and Thor had grown rather close over the last 8 years and often spent time training together when he came to Earth because of the similarities with your powers. 

Your darker nights, the ones where you cried until you couldn’t anymore, were spent in the safety of Thor’s bedroom at the Avengers Compound. Steve still fulfilled his duties and checked in on you just as he had promised he would, but he never went further than that. The man knew you didn’t trust him, and with good reason. 

It’s mere days after the Snap that you feel it, the tremble beneath your feet as you indulge Thor by telling him stories about your life. It distracts you from the lack of Tonys presence, and it distracts him from wallowing in his misery brought upon by the losses he’d endured. 

  “Y/N!” Your gaze flickers upward as Steve sprints into the room and urges you out the bedroom door to the main yard, where a massive ship is being carried by a glowing woman who you are unfamiliar with. She sets it down with ease and meets your gaze, and you give her a firm nod in thanks. 

The hangar door opens, and all the blood drains from your face. The air crackles with static electricity from where you stand before Steve, Natasha, Bruce and Rhodes, completely paralyzed as you watch the occupants of the Benatar file off into the open night. 

Your eyes flutter shut as you resist the urge to sprint across the clearing and jump into his arms. It’s something you’ve had to learn to control, but just seeing Tony standing there actually speaking to Steve sparks something deep within you that urges you forward and across the clearing. 

  “Y/N?” 

Aching arms fling outward to envelop Tony Stark in the most bone crushing hug he’s ever experienced, and it takes all of his willpower not to crumble in your embrace as you whisper in his ear. “Home. Home. Home.” His hands sink into the tresses of your hair, breath ghosting over your skin as he hides his face in the crook of your shoulder. 

The other Avengers don’t bother to pry the two of you apart, not after what you’ve been through. There was no possible way of moving through the despair and anguish without people. Or more specifically, the people you love. 

  “When you need an anchor, you count to three.” In the midst of Tony learning to deal with his anxiety, you’d given him a solution. Of course it had come in the most unconventional way - seated at the bar - and drunk enough to make your head spin. But he was here, warm and alive, and so very... very real. “Count five things about me. Anything goes. Physical traits, things you love about me, things I’ve taught you. If it helps you cope with whatever is plaguing that beautiful mind of yours..” Your fingers curled around the curve of his jaw and brought his eyes up to yours, thumb dragging across the apple of his cheek to settle in the divot of his lips. “You do whatever it takes.” 

  “One, hands that have held my heart since the day you stumbled on my front porch when I was 7 years old.” 

He tries to make nice with Steve, he really does. But after being left for dead in Siberia and alone in the fight against Thanos, Tony holds a considerable amount of resentment for that very same man who had once said that if they were to lose, they’d do that together too. 

You’re always lingering in his line of sight when things go awry, and just as he suspects, you are immediately at his side when he rips the IV from his arm and stumbles in Steves direction. Fury courses through his blood and despite the fact there are stars dancing behind his eyes, Tony still rips out his arc reactor and slams it into the hands of Steve Rogers. 

It’s only when his knees give out from beneath him and he lands on the floor that the second thought comes, when he looks up into your eyes and sees the terror lurking within them just before he slips into unconsciousness.

  “Two, even when I am least deserving, you are always there. Always lingering for that moment when I need you most desperately, and present when I fall to my knees.” 

Recovery is never easy, but having someone there when you wake up makes it just a bit more bearable. 

Shaking fingers extend outward as Tonys eyes slowly flutter open, blinded by the light of dawn as he struggles to adjust to the brightness. His eyes follow the billow of the curtains at the open windows and slowly travel the length of the incredibly bland medical wing up until he catches the TV - where his favorite TV show is softly playing in the background. 

His fingers tighten in the mess of hair laying limply at his bedside. You sleep at Tonys side with your hand loosely wrapped around his calf, almost as if its your only security that he’ll be there when you wake up. Eyes drift over the curve of your parted lips, breaths coming slow and steady. Tony hasn’t seen you sleep so hard since you were younger. 

When life was a little bit easier. 

  “Y/N?” His voice rumbles low in his chest, and its enough to jolt you upward at the sound. Tony nearly topples over the side of the bed because his hands are still tangled in your hair, and the sight of the shock written all over his expression is enough to send you into a fit of laughter. “That was not funny-” 

Your eyes soften as they meet his. “I have never been so happy to see your eyes open in the forty some years we’ve known each other.” You whisper. He can see the reluctance to open up when you dip your head toward your chest, extending your hand outward into the open in hopes he will oblige and take it. 

He does. 

  “I nearly lost you, Tony. All this time after Thanos snapped.. I really believed you were dead. And do you know how disheartening it is to be stuck in another country with people you once called family, left behind by your husband with your only company being the God of Thunder?” You settle a knee into the mattress and bring yourself up to hover over him as he lays supine beneath you. “Seeing everyone disappear, screaming so loudly to someone who might hear me to keep you safe.. I have never experienced true fear like that. Fear of believing that you would never come home.” 

That’s when thought number three comes. Trapped in the cage of your arms, breath ghosting over his face and sunshine reflecting in your eyes. He realizes right there, in that moment of silence, that your presence is the only home he has ever known. 

And that despite your darkness and your regrets, despite his failures to both you and the greater good, you will never part from his side willingly. You are here and real and you are never leaving. It’s the best freakin’ news he’s heard all day. 

  “Y/N, I need-” 

  “What do you need?” 

Tony swallows the knot in his throat and lets his tongue dart out to wet the cracked flesh of his lips. “I need you to kiss me.” It’s spoken with the same desperation you heard before he boarded his ship for Titan. That same desperation that pours from your own mouth when he tries stumbling down a path you can’t follow him on. “Please.” 

It’s hard to pick a word to describe that moment - that moment of solitude where it’s nothing but you and him. How you succumb to his desires and lower yourself on top of him, careful of aggravating his injuries. He arches his back into you as you claim his mouth with your own. Hot, heavy, full of need and the ability to convey the fierce loyalty the two of you held for one another since the day you’d met as young children. 

  “What about you?” 

  “What about me?” 

Tony swirls a single finger around the rim of his glass as you pour yourself another. “Whenever you need a anchor, what will you count to?” You believe he thinks something absolutely ridiculous, like 72 or 191. Something completely unrelated to what you’ve just said. 

  “I’ll count to three too, but for me it’ll be in the moments we pull together instead of apart. When I need you the most.. when I need to breathe, I’ll count to three.” 

His tongue breaks past the seam of your lips and his hands tangle in your hair, and if you listen quietly enough, you can hear someone whimper. You don’t know if it’s him or you. 

It’s only when you are forced to pull apart for air that you whisper, “Three.” 

[jeballin]

So Close

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader

Summary: Everything was perfect; you had a perfect job, a perfect husband, and you were about to you have a perfect, little baby to complete your family. You were so close.

Genre: Domestic! AU, Angst

Warnings: Miscarriage, Major Character Death

Word Count: 2k

Your eyelids feel heavy, your head is throbbing, and your throat is dry. All you can hear is a strange, continuous noise that rings in your ears like a high-pitched scream in a large, empty room. Your whole body is freezing and burning up at the same time. You feel so odd, but your mind is too hazy to register the fact with any panic. Maybe you’re experiencing sleep paralysis.

With a few more attempts and enough force to tear a groan out of your cracked lips, you lift your eyelids open, immediately flinching at the overhead lights blaring angrily and far too brightly at you. You shut your eyes tightly against the glare, but when your eyes close you don’t get the darkness you wanted. You see more lights— brightly glowing orbs growing bigger and bigger— while a horrible, shrill sound that you can't decipher pierces your ears like an arrow and makes your head pulse. That’s when it all comes back to you, and your eyes fill with fresh, burning tears that drip down your closed lids as you experience the devastation and agony again.

~

“Where on earth are you taking me?” You asked, raising your eyebrow and laughing at your husband’s goofy grin and loving eyes that you adored so dearly. The city landscape you were accustomed to had slowly melted away into gorgeous trees and mountains in a wash of an orange, pink, and red sunset that bled slowly into night.

“Somewhere.” Taehyung answered, not taking his eyes off the road. The smile was so evident in his voice; it was contagious. You rolled your eyes and gestured for his continue. He really was terrible at surprises. The car came to a stop at a red light and he turned to face you, “Somewhere close. That's all I can say, now be patient, love! It's so much better when it's a surprise.” He said, grasping your hand in his. You faked a sad look and pouted out the window. He just chuckled, and your frown broke. It was funny really; you'd been married for nearly a year and yet you were as lovesick as the teenagers you were when you first met. Your other hand trailed over your bulging stomach gently, smiling wistfully. You felt his thumb caressing the back of your hand. Everything was perfect; you had a perfect job, a perfect husband, and you were about to you have a perfect, little baby to complete your family.

You were so close.

You looked up from your pregnant belly to the dark, empty road ahead; the light had turned green and you were on your way to your mystery destination once again. You looked over to Taehyung and he smiled so lovingly at you that you had to look away, blushing.

And there it was.

The lights that rapidly grew bigger and bigger and that sound that grew more and more terrifying. It was too late when you realized the sound was your own scream. It was too late when you saw your car suddenly wrench out of its initial direction under the pressure of the colliding truck before you felt it. It was too late when you felt your head collide with the glass window beside you. You couldn't breathe; your lungs had gone flat. It hurt. You remembered his warm hand limply falling from your own, before you succumbed to darkness.

You were so close...

~

Your ears are still ringing when you hear a door creak open loudly. You lift your eyes weakly, but they stubbornly fall again. Footsteps fall closer to you; they seem as loud as thunder.

“Hello Mrs.—” Your ears ring again, making you wince. “I'm your doctor. How are you feeling?”  You aren’t sure how to answer, so you don’t. He moves toward you to begin an examination, but you stop him. You can’t be patient. You need to know.

“Doctor…” You say quietly, voice cracking from not being used, and you look at him through strained eyes. He looks back at you with a somber expression that gives you a sinking feeling.  

“I understand that this must be overwhelming to you. Do you recall what happened to you and your husband?” He begins, setting his clipboard down. You hesitate briefly before giving a small nod. “Your injuries were not minor, but I am happy to say you will live to see another day.” You remain silent. Who cares about you? Where is he? Where is—? “Your husband…” His eyes are solemn and your vision heavily blurs; you suddenly don’t want him to continue, but he does. “…faced more serious injury. He’s in a coma and is unresponsive. We currently have him in the ICU keeping him supported, but now that you’re awake… we’ll need your decision on further action. We can continue keeping him on support, but the prognosis is not promising. Or, we make sure he is as comfortable as possible.”

Your eyes shut again, you can't face this anymore; you were a fool to think you could.

“Unfortunately, that’s not all…”

Then you remember. You barely lift your hand to your stomach. It’s flat. A scream of anguish rips through you as a wave of tears cascade down your face uncontrollably.

This can’t be happening.

You were so close.

So close…

After a few days riddled with painful rehabilitation, you’re finally able to walk with the help of crutches and strong medication. You’ve been avoiding the wing where your husband is; you tell yourself it’s because you can barely walk as it is, but really you’re just scared. Terrified actually. You don’t want to face it because you know what it will mean. You don’t know if you’re ready yet.

The thought of what you will see brings tears to your eyes, but your feet nonetheless drag you to him. The nurses give you sympathetic glances as you walk past them, but they were merely gray nothings in your faded world. You make it to the door that seals the fate of him. Your husband. Kim Taehyung. Your chest tightens as you twist the knob, bracing yourself for the painful scene you’d be faced with. Yet you are still unprepared.

You see him, barely, on a small hospital bed covered with IVs and respiratory machines and monitors. The only life in this room are the machines. You stumble over to him and collapse by his side, tears welling up in your eyes. He looks so peaceful. So… empty.

You lace your fingers with his and speak. Your voice is hideously cracked and you feel yourself breaking with each moment that passes.

“Hi, Tae,” You say softly, letting out a shaky breath, “I woke up a few days ago. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner...” You sniffle, “I’m just really scared. I miss you. I need you." Tears roll down your face "Our little one didn't make it,” You whisper, letting out a sob. You say nothing for a while, crying silently and trying desperately to hold yourself from completely falling apart into a thousand, tiny broken pieces, “but now it's your turn, sweetheart. Wake up. Wake up now. I've missed seeing your beautiful smile and hearing your silly jokes. Wake up and tell me everything is okay. Please...wake up.” You can no longer muster a solid voice and trail off with a pitiful whimper. You stare at him, but receive no smile, no laugh, no soothing words.

Your mind makes its decision, but your heart still clings so hopelessly to him. The pain of knowing that no matter what decision you make, you’ll never have him again hits you hard. Sobs wrack your body until you can’t breathe. You want so badly to just end yourself of this pain—then you would be with him. How can you possibly go on like this anyway? But you know better. He would hate it if you did something like that, and he was always right about those things. Your heart finally agrees with your head. Numbly, you stand to shakily to your feet and make your way to the wall adjacent to the love of your life. You slide back to the ground and gripped the cord that held him to this world. It takes more strength than you have at first, but you finally hear the expanded high-pitched sound that is the last goodbye from your Kim Taehyung.

You fall back onto the wall as nurses rush in, quickly stopping when they see you. Their eyes hold pain for you as a handful of them walk slowly to the bed and start to remove the tubes from his hopeless body, some of them placing comforting hands on your shoulder. You try to remind yourself that he isn’t there anymore; that it’s just a shell that’s being rolled out of the hospital room now, but it’s still too much. Unable to bear the sight, you bury your head into your arms and weep. The nurses leave, likely to find help for you, but you don’t even notice. As far as you’re concerned, you’re the only one left in the world.

The darkness in your eyes suddenly turns into a bright, white light. A weak curiosity courses through you as you force your eyes open once more.

Your heart stops.

There in front of you is none other than your beloved husband. He holds that smile that could erase your fears in the hardest of times and those eyes that held more than you’d ever seen. In his arms is a bundle of plush blankets. It’s shrouded in the same bright light that emanated from Taehyung. The sight makes tears well up in your eyes, but you quickly let the tears roll down and wipe them off as best as you can. You want to see every second of him. You don't care if you’ve gone crazy. The Taehyung you know and love is right in front of you.

“Darling, don’t cry. My heart soars at the sound of your beating one. We wish we could still be by your side, but we know you'll make us so proud.” He keeps saying it, but you are too dazed to notice. He kneels down and adjusts the bundle in his arms. “Isn't she beautiful? She looks just like you. C'mon admit it. She's absolutely beautiful, isn't she?” He says affectionately, with a bright laugh. A whimper escapes you.

“She…” You repeat in nothing more than a shocked murmur. It's your unborn baby. Your daughter. A fresh wave of tears greets you and you are speechless.

“Tell her you’ll be okay, sweetheart.” He encourages, looking at you with a soft smile. You try to look at your baby girl, but bright golden rays bounce off of her and your eyes are forced shut. A distant echo of a newborn's giggle fills your ears before darkness falls over the room again, and you are met with the cold silence of loneliness once more. You force your eyes open again, scared, and jerk forward.

“No wait! Come back! Please! Don’t leave me.” You beg desperately, horrifying loneliness sweeping through you.

“Please...” You call out again, voice cracking as you hold yourself tightly.

* * *

You stand in a field of erected slabs of stones all alone. Everyone else had left you to say your final goodbyes. The rain started to sprinkle in a light mist as you stare lifelessly into the polished gray rock in front of you, engraved with the names you thought you would never have to see on it. You want to close your eyes, to leave, but you then remember that moment. His smile. His words. You shake your head to stop the tears, but the effort is in vain. Nonetheless, a soft smile tugs at your lips as hope trickles back into your eyes.

“I’ll be okay.”

[hunterpuff]

I Thought I Lost You

Summary: You had a really bad night at work. Warnings: A bit of angst. Mentions of serious injury and death. Pairing: Slightly implied SamxReader Word Count: 1,200 A/N: This is my first attempt at a SPN fic/a reader insert. Please be kind.

Most days you loved your job as a nurse in the ED. It was fast paced, thrilling, never left you bored. It was, in short, an adrenaline rush you never tired of. It was also the thing that had brought you to your boys. It had started a year and a half ago, when Dean had been a patient in your ED. You had stitched him up when he had come in with a large gash on his arm that he refused to explain to anyone. Two weeks later he was back with a wound to the side of his head that he brushed off as ‘having a dangerous job’. The following month you had walked into a room and seen your former patient in a chair and a man he introduced as his brother Sam was sitting on the metal ED bed with a fractured wrist.

It had gone on like that for several months. Every few weeks one of the boys had come in to be stitched up, often times asking for you by name. It went on like that for 8 months, before you’d finally learned the truth about that dangerous job they’d been keeping secret. All hell had, literally, broken loose in the ED one night and who had shown up to save you but your two favorite patients. After than night you had sort of been adopted by the two brothers and became their own private nurse. No more trips to the hospital for them…they’d found a way to secure all the supplies you’d need to patch up any of their injuries in the privacy of the bunker.

Though you had been more than glad to become a private caretaker for the two of them, you had been unwilling to give up your job at the hospital. Even as often as your boys found themselves needing patched up, it wasn’t enough to keep you busy enough to be happy. Plus, you genuinely loved your job. You loved being able to help people. Most of the time. But, for every good night you had…every case that made your heart happy and reminded you of why you did this…some nights there were cases that left you physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.

It had been a typical night in the ED. Not too busy, but not quiet by any stretch of the imagination. Most of the patients had been your run of the mill emergency cases. A few cases of the flu, chest pain, an older woman who had fallen and had a possible fractured hip, a teenage who had been brought in after taking too many pills saying that they just wanted to die. Nothing too exciting or anything you couldn’t handle.

But then, with less than two hours left in your 12 hour shift, it had happened. The case that had turned your night from typical into a nightmare. The ambulance crew had called in that they were bringing in a victim from a motor vehicle accident. The driver had been pronounced dead on the scene, they were bringing in the passenger. Male, early to mid 30s, and extensive trauma…it wasn’t looking good for him. You and the rest of the trauma team had jumped into action, getting the trauma bay ready for the incoming victim. You were ready for whatever came rolling through those doors…or so you had thought.

You had been standing at the back of the room when they had wheeled the vic in, so the first thing you had seen was a tall, lanky body, with a mop of brunette hair matted together with blood. You had felt your heart drop into your stomach before stopping all together as your breath hitched in your throats. You’d heard about time standing still, but you’d never experienced it. Not until that moment. But the time it took for them to roll the stretcher into the room, a time frame that was realistically only about 30 seconds, felt like it took five minutes.

The rest of the team had jumped into action immediately, working as a fluid machine to try and save his life, but you had stood there frozen in place until one of your co-workers had called your name and snapped you out of the trance you had found yourself in. As soon as you were able to shake yourself out of it, you had jumped into action with the rest of your team, giving everything you had to try and save the man on the gurney in front of you. You had started an IV and then pushed what was meant to have been life saving medications. You had taken over for one of your coworkers when he was too physically exhausted to continue with chest compressions. For over an hour everyone had done all they could to save the young man, but in the end his injuries had been too extensive and he had succumbed to them.

You were still running on the adrenaline coursing through your veins as you gathered your things and clocked out from your shift. The events of the past few hours still hadn’t quite sunk in yet as you got into your car and drove…well, you meant to go home but it would seem your body had other plans as you went into autopilot and drove straight to the bunker. You didn’t even realize where you were going until you were already there, sitting in your car staring at the entrance and trying to work up the nerve to go inside.

The entire walk from your car to the door, your legs felt as if you were walking on Jello and you were sure your knees were going to give out on you at any given second; only they didn’t. They kept carrying you to the door, then inside and down the stairs. They didn’t stop until you were standing at the entrance of the kitchen, staring at two familiar figures. Neither of them noticed you at first, not until two things happened simultaneously. The first thing being that you let out a loud sob at the sight of Sam standing there, the refrigerator door wide open as he tried to decide what he wanted to eat. The second thing that happened was that, as the boys looked up at the sound of your sob, the adrenaline finally wore off and you felt yourself begin to fall to the floor as your legs gave out from under you.

Dean had been the closest to you and was the first one to get to you, grabbing on to you to keep you from hitting the floor. As soon as he had steadied you and you felt as if you could trust yourself to stand on your own you were pushing him off of you and reaching for Sam, clinging to him as you buried his face against his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. You felt his arms wrap around you, holding you tight as he tried to comfort you. As both of your boys tried to ask you what was wrong, you were only able to manage to form five words through your tears.

“I thought I lost you.”

[ciciandaquill]

Chapter 1

The blaring sound of the alarm to warn citizens of the upcoming threat suddenly become so insignificant to me. All I could think about is the house, my little cottage home, as I run towards it. It’s the only thing I have left of him. Up above, the German aircraft swarm like insects in the sky, about to unleash bombs from its carriers. My anxiety increases as I hasten, silently praying that my humble home will be spared.

“Emma!” His voice is urgent and loud, as I hear him follow me. “Emma stop!”

“No!” I said, looking over my shoulder ever so slightly and ran as fast as I can.

My legs betrayed me as I falter, falling on my knees breathless. I noticed something fell from my pocket as I kneel; its the necklace my father gave to me before his passing. I held it in my hand and hold it tight. When I look up, my house appears to be just a few meters away when suddenly, something fell from the sky towards it. The pendant begins to feel warm in my hands as he ran towards me. As soon as the bomb hits the roof, the explosion pushed me backward and everything went black. Humans have always been a slave to gravity, hence the feeling of weightlessness feels so unfamiliar. It’s as if time itself stopped and slowed down for me at the same time, even just for a little while. When my body hits the ground, my consciousness succumbs to darkness. A flash of events from my past begins to flood my eyes. Beginning from my formative years down to the recent events. My humble abode once boasts a happy family inside, now crumbling in clouds of dust and wood along with the destroyed relationships its very walls have witnessed. A once place of haven for me and him until it isn't anymore. I woke up with tears rolling down my temples. Sometimes, despite pushing the painful memories away, it will eventually seep even in the tiniest of crack. As I open my eyes, tears began to fell. It’s been a while yet, the mere thought of him feels as though someone squeezes my heart in pain. Time has yet to help me with my agony. I almost drown myself in self-pity and sorrow when I suddenly hear the sound of a door opening. Afterward, a figure of a woman came into view, hovering me with concern delicately painting her pale face. Realizing I have finally awakened, she breaks into a smile.

“Hello, I’m so relieved to see you awake at last.” She began. She took a stool and place it next to the bed I’m laying on, and sat upon it. “My name is Elizabeth Grey. I have found you by the forest not far from my home the other night.” There’s something about her that appears different. When I didn't respond, she continued. “Can you tell me your name, Mistress?”

Her eyes, the darkest of brown I have ever seen, survey my face as she waits for a reply. Seeing more of her now, noticing the details of her clothing, posture, and her manner of speaking puzzles me. Despite my observation, I decided to play along and try my hardest to show gratitude to my savior. “E-Emma Sutton..” I said, having difficulty speaking as if I have been silent for a while. “W-where am I?” I asked as I pushed myself up from the bed.

She helped me set my pillow in my back for my comfort before smiling. “York, Mistress Sutton.”

It is then I suddenly hear the frantic noises outside. However, the noises I hear only cemented what I fear. Looking on my left side, a small window, and what I saw sends panic in my heart. I have done it, whatever father has done in the past, I have done it. Only that I’m not sure how it is even possible. “I will arrange for your bath, Mistress,” Elizabeth said as she stands up.

Before she could leave the room, I called on her. “Thank you for your kindness, Lady Grey. I’m indebted to you.”

Her smile is sweet and wide, kindness is oozing out of her smile. “It’s only Mistress Grey. I’m only a merchant’s wife.” With that, she smiled once again and take her to leave. Upon closing the door, I slowly try to get off the bed and noticed how filthy I am. My whole body is covered with dirt and perhaps smoke as well as my hair smells like one. No wonder why she must have thought I badly need a bath. Despite the filth, I see no injury or cuts in my body, except for a little pain around my back. Realizing the pain is manageable, I walk towards the window and see the peculiarity or rather the truth I initially thought not possible— Yesterday, I was in York April 29, 1942, but I have gone back sometime around the 15th Century and I don't know how or why. Having Constantine around to teach me since I was young, he has taught me of the most important events in history that have proven useful at the moment. Base on the banner I see from the outside, it bears the white rose of York. There are only 3 York Kings in history: Edward IV; Edward V; and Richard III. Knowing which one would be a little complicated. I might have to go outside to determine. When Elizabeth came back, she ushered me to my bath and helped me get into it. I feel relaxed upon submerging myself in the warm water, however, as soon as I lean back I felt a sharp pain around my shoulder and back. I try to look over and see the reason for it only to see a massive discoloration around my shoulder and I can only suspect that the bruising is the reason why I’m experiencing back pain. After washing up, one of Elizabeth’s help gave me a hand getting out of the medieval bath and dress me appropriately. Thankfully, corsets are not of this century but I have completely forgotten about the bodice. Constantine has always been more interested in Italian history especially in the renaissance period or perhaps it has been a shared interest between the two of us that I have forgotten about the minute details of this century outside of Italy. I was unable to suppress a groan of pain when Winnifred is helping me lace my bodice. “Forgive me, Mistress!”

I try my best to smile at her to ease her. “It’s quite alright.”

“What is going on?” Elizabeth said, suddenly coming inside the room. She went inside and walk towards my back. I was about to say that it’s nothing, however, she sweeps my hair from my back to my shoulder and traces the bruises. I gasp in pain as she did so. “Forgive me. This is a terrible bruise. I wonder how you got it.”

As Winnifred continues to help me get dressed, I can only recall the explosion pushing me away. I don't remember anything else. However, I suddenly remembered something rather peculiar during the explosion. I remember thinking about a portrait of a woman whom I have seen in different museums but has appeared to be the subject of paintings about beauty. Despite my fondness for paintings and sculptures, the manner of which I remember the painting is somehow enthralling. As the explosion pushed me, the very thought of the painting itself is pulling me in and I went in like a moth to a flame.

After joining her to tea, is when I later learned that I’m currently living in King Edward IV on his second reign. One thing I remember from my history lessons is that the second reign has brought about peace between the warring clans of England, at least until his death in 7 years after ruling for 13 years.

“Do you remember the events before your loss of consciousness?” Miss Grey said as she sets her teacup down the table.

Sipping mine, I try my best to conjure and keep my story more believable. When I set the teacup down the table as well, I was ready. “My father and I live in the outskirts of York when he decided he wishes to travel to Florence to visit my mother’s relatives.” I set the teacup down on the table and place my hands conveniently on my lap. “While we’re on our way, a group of men robbing stopped us only to rob us of our things. My father willed me to go as he tries to protect me from the men but I ended up being beaten by some of the men thinking I carry some things of value.” Looking down, though feeling awful with my lie, I fidget my hands as I go on. “And then when I wake up, I’m here.”

I heard her gasp as she hears me. “Oh dear, what a dreadful experience! However, when we found you, we could not locate anyone else but you.”

I look up at her with a sullen look. “I fear what they have done to my poor father.”

She extends her hand to mine, consoling me. “Dear, whatever you need, you only need to ask.” She said.

“How kind of you, Mistress,” I said, smiling bitterly at her.

Upon learning of my prior plans to travel to Florence, Elizabeth was willing to let me travel with them to Florence. I still feel guilty lying to her but I know that if I tell her the truth, I would only be accused of witchcraft. Suddenly, I remember what my father did when he traveled in the late 15th century. He has mentioned his lies he had to come up to blend in with the time. Despite wanting to see her for the first time, I have never thought I’d be doing the same thing as my father once did. The journey for la Bella madonna. I have not taken into account how lucky I was to have met Elizabeth who coincidentally will travel from York to Venice. They have given me a ride in their coach until I made it to Florence. Standing there by the gates of the city, I look up at the Dome of Florence in its regal stance, holding a promise and hope for me.