#but like this portrayal of him being like fucking crazy gets really annoying sometimes

[fictionfixations]

jaehee best route presentation

this is just me jokingly dunking on mysme's other routes and pointing out the weird and wacky shit that happened in comparison to jaehee's significantly more tame route (because i love her route. we stan jaehee in this household.)

meant to make a presentation cause a bunch of friends were getting together to make some dumb af presentations but im procrastinating

anyway ive never played deep story or another story mode. and the only routes ive actually played are jaehee's and yoosung's. i cant be bothered to do anyone else's (the notifs get so annoying. im the type of person who sometimes spends whole days in a row desiring me time and being all alone. so guess what when you give me a game thats basically like a messenger in which you have to actually interact by then? its like. actually socializing! which no. it hit my social limit and i just stopped trying after multiple bad endings trying to actually get to zens lol)

since im not gonna be showing off my presentation (because ah.. socialization.. and two, now im kind of scared i might trigger someone..?)

so. here.

MAJOR MYSTIC MESSENGER SPOILERS

its a gif..

[ Content warning: Swears, possibly triggering content, uh. Mention of bombs, death (faked su//cide), possible implied in//est thoughts (he doesn’t harbor those thoughts I don’t think, but it can still be the impression he gives off), ..mention of s*x maybe?, kidnapping, held captive, weird shit that’s meant to be kinky but actually comes off as really creepy, INACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESSES, cringe, false reporting / negative media, captivity, yandere ending sob??, and ill add more if i can think of more - and torture. I wont go indepth but ill mention it. …beastiality? Just remembered headbang. I dont think its said but ppl kinda see the implications of it i think. ..ive never played his route so i have no clue | is cucking a trigger??? I dont..>>>????? / sexual implications probably  | mentions of S/A. It doesnt happen but a character falsely accuses another to ruin their reputation, toxic relationships ]

thats it lmfao

what i was going to continue with:

jumin. so. you know that bad ending where you're basically kept in his house and he puts trackers in your shoes so you can only walk as far as like the kitchen away from him and doing so alerts him and shit?? and its played off as being some kinky shit i think but like hello? (also i think. it was either him or saeran, but we fuck in the basement he has trauma in??)

(i mean theres also the thing with his cat. the 'i'll treat you like my pet' or something like that line?? i dont remember. or zen having a dream that elizabeth his cat was running away so he locked her up even worse so then when he opened the door she ran??)

707 is the most story-depth i think, the one ppl consider canon. in which. crazy shit probably happens there with the obligatory kidnapping and bomb threat. i honestly cant remember i didnt even go to his page to check . altohugh i think theres an ending where saerans is like 'give me a hug'. 707 does. then saeran kills him. which. oof…. poor guy. or its revealed who their dad is and basically bad things happen i think?

saeran/ray/unknown. inaccurate depiction of mental disorders or something like that (not meant to offend with wording, but i can never remember the names of shit). it was like.. we first get to know ray whose the nicer one. and then there's saeran whose an absolute asshole. there was something like 'if you dont listen something bad will happen' (which is apparently something his mom said to him or something like that?) very sucky situation

V. cucking??? IDFK wtf

V's CELL?

DRUGGed. from. RAY's. TORTURE. okay. okay.

(someone explain to me whats going on in that ending where we're cucking, im so confused)

ah...

so. yknow. jaehee's route is significantly more tame. and relaxing. and stress relieving imo.

the end

[inavagrant-a]

@ @ @

@ghostlyanon

Ohohoho's to your hhehehe's awraxa.

@scarletooyoroi es next.

I actually know Jace from a distance from a while back ago! Back when I barely entered the Kingdom Hearts fandom, I knew of his Sora blog and I was a Roxas blog but I don't think we ever rp'd. It wasn't until my Cloud blog that I began to rp with him via his Sora blog! Jace is so fucking cool dude like, he's so damn chill and always has the coolest thread ideas, goes into it 100% and that just gets me hyped up. I honestly had no idea this was Jace until we followed each other and I was lIKE HEY HEY I REMEMBER YOU from a distance, could have just been me, I tend to remember lots of people I interact with here. I also figured out that he was also in the Naruto fandom once! I had no idea I never really ran into him there but that was cool cause I too dipped my feet there a bit. It's just amazing how you just run into people here honestly. Jace has always been a chill dude, always and like I said every time he rps he just does something that gets me so hyped up for it, I love reading his interactions and how he thinks about his characters. If you're not following him then you're really missing out honestly, give this guy some love, he's really cool and chill.

@reginrokkr es another.

If you aren't following Lyria you are doing yourself a disservice. Like holy shit this blog is so good, godly even, not just the rp content itself but the insight and thoughts on the game and on Dain himself, they are delicious meals every time. Lyria puts a lot of thought into their portrayal, using inspirations from that which inspires the game material itself to establish ground, I too find myself learning a lot of cool information through the posts they make in which they share their thoughts. Honestly, rp wise they too are goals, having threads that are like 50+ notes and still continuing that I read in silence to myself in the background and I'm just like hello?? Amazing, showstopping. Though I do my best to keep up with the game and keep tabs on the lore of it even I miss some things and get confused by other things and sometimes Lyria's breakdown posts about them and it helps me understand and see what I missed or what point went completely over my head. I've only gotten the chance to speak to them here and there but they've always been pleasant conversations. I've gotten the chance to rp with them too and I've had a blast interacting with them. Please do yourself a huge favor and follow them!

@dochttore ohohoho

Freaking Eddie, the Edster. Eddie is really quiet but they are very pleasant to chat with. They've always been considerate and I'm glad and count my blessings that they're someone I had gotten the chance to know. They are also a very amazing artist and I'm happy that every now and then I get to see their works in progress. Like I said before they are very quiet so most of the time I feel like I'm being too loud and annoying them by sending them messages on disc awraxa, but they're always really reassuring. I love the plots that we come up with and how open they are to exploring things because they also have some crazy ass ideas that very well match my own awraxa. So that makes me feel less crazy not gonna lie awraxa. Anyway, as a rper they are also great, their rp style is very easy to understand and to follow. I just love, like I can't express this enough, I love how Eddie's writing is always moving the scene forward, like there is always something left open on purpose for you to respond to. I can't say how frustrating it is sometimes when the scene just stays stagnant and it's something I really admire about the way they rp because it's something I want to get better at as well and I want to do all the time not just every now and then. I'm really thankful for their consideration for me and for sparing me some time off their busy life.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP! Seriously, I think my heart grew two sizes too big! THIS MUST BE ONE OF THE LOVELIEST HUGS EVER!

He can’t control himself anymore and acting on pure instinct he embraces her. Issei doesn’t think, he only knows he wants to hold Hayame close and make sure she is real, clinging onto her for dear life as if he never wanted to let her go. There is this beautiful constrast how tiny she is compared to Issei. Not only does he tower over her (almost bending over in half to reach her level), he is also so huge that he encompasses her whole in his arms, yet it is him who is leaning and holding onto her for support, seeking comfort from her because she is the stronger one in that moment - ummovable, steady, calm and soothing. Everything about that hug is so raw and desperate and Hayame barely hesitates before she accepts and returns Issei’s embrace, which is a metaphor for accepting him, as well - as a friend and someone who holds a special place in her life and means a lot to her.

It’s official, they are the weirdest and dorkiest OTP ever. One minute he’s railing at her to disappear the fuck out of his life, and the next he’s clutching her and weeping into her shoulder, apologizing for everything being his fault all over again and begging her not to leave him, willing to do anything as long as she stays by his side.

I live for the moment when Issei finally lets Hayame go and quickly wipes away his tears, not so much out of embarrassment, but to see her clearly, LOOKS STRAIGHT INTO HER EYES AND TELLS HER WITH RAW HONESTY AND ZERO FILTERS THAT HE WANTS TO SEE HER EVERYDAY, radiating sheer need and determination, because seeing Hayame only sometimes will never be enough for him as he can never get enough of her. (It’s such an epic and swoonworthy line, of which a mere memory makes Hayame literally swoon in episode 7, and the hardsubbed literal translation doesn’t really do it justice nor does it deliver the right emotional punch so I changed it for a more fitting version.) 

Issei actually gathers his courage and finally reveals how he feels about Hayame, even though he is blushing like crazy and gets flustered along the way. The confession actually makes Hayame shy and baffled so she asks bashfully why he told her she annoyed him everyday and he is so adorably fast to admit he was lying when he said that, fearing she might misunderstand. He is so frantic to make her understand because he has come so close to losing her because of his anger and stupidity therefore it’s Issei’s first step on his journey of becoming an adult and growing up. 

Though apparently, he is not yet ready to admit he likes Hayame so he turns into a shy puppy and starts to adorably fidget. Squirming as he tries to answer her question but, in the end, failing as he feels too bashful to tell her. Maeda Gordon gives Issei so many adorkable quirks, it’s unreal - toying with his hair, scuttling away in a hush, scratching the back of his neck, avoiding her eyes, tentatively looking at her...  He even leaves a dirty smudge over his upper lips, which looks like a funny moustache, when he wipes his hand over it nervously, highlighting him being this strange fascinating mix of a boy and a man. 

Maeda Gordon’s portrayal of Issei is perhaps one of the most versatile portrayals of a teenager or an adolescent out there, if not the best. He has such a wide range of facial expressions and has the natural ability to act with his whole body that very few actors possesses, especially ones so young. Basically over the course of 8-minute scene he went from angry, to resigned, to cynical, to desperate, to stunned, to disbelieving, to hopeful, to tearful, to grateful, to impossibly happy, to desperate, to embarrassed and shy and I could go on and on.

Finally, Issei becomes clumsy in his embarrassment and stammers so he puffs up in that cute annoyance of his and fittingly leaves in a huff like he always does as Hayame follows him with amused smile on her face.

To be honest, Issei and Hayame are so freaking functional and suitable despite the age difference. They have issues, they have misunderstandings they argue but each argument actually makes them understand each other better and the difference between them smaller because they always find a way to make up - it’s often clumsy and sometimes uncomfortable but that’s exactly what makes it so real and shippable.

[chaoslordjoe]

RWBY - Do I Ship It #2? Ruby Rose

I’ve decided to continue this whole shebang with going over ships for individual characters each time. And for this one, we’re looking at our favorite cooking-deepthroating reaper, Ruby Rose...That may be one of my favorite character descriptions I’ve ever typed.

With introductions outta the way, let’s talk some Ruby ships.

White Rose

kinda leaves me indifferent?

overrated

would read a fic about it

Ideally, White Rose has become one of those ships that half of the FNDM loves to hate. But me, I’m not as triggered by it, let alone nowhere near as angered by it’s presence simply because it’s not Bumbleby.

Unlike BB, in which it’s presence makes me wanna slug my screen every time I see a comment thread screeching high praise about it, I can look at White Rose and just be more like: “Eh. It’s okay.” Simply because I have seen WR content that I enjoy, and that at least many WR shippers know when to shut up when they’re called out unlike Wasps.

Really, a lot of the content has a lot heart put into it to where I really can’t get mad at it. I know it’s a WLW ship. I know that’s become a thing to generally hate among RWBY fans. But I do think that WR is the lesser of two evils between that and BB not because I have a lot of friends who ship it, but because I think folks crap on it way too much compared to the demon that BB has become.

Am I saying there aren’t toxic WR fans still around? Hell no. They need to be called out on it, too. But I’m also generally more relaxed about the ship. Nothing major really.

Ladybug

I SHIP IT

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

underrated

hELL YES

Ladybug has become a recent addition to my ship list a while back. But I’ve fallen head over heels for it in such a short amount of time.

Even many folks I’ve spoken to who tend to gag at the mention of WLW ships in a fandom as egregious as RWBY’s agree that the Bugs are really harmless given soft the content of this ship often is. I’m not saying that Ladybug is all “wee-hee-we’re-a-couple-of-happy-go-lucky-dorks” because that would make it unoriginal and boring to read in many cases.

No, the reason I’ve grown to adore Ladybug so much is because I’m one of those who parrots how much of a missed opportunity (like the show is as a frigging whole) how many interactions there could be between Ruby and Blake.

Why wouldn’t they? They’re both into fantasy stories, both have darkened color schemes, and share some general views on why they fight. Really, Ladybug is just a good way for me to fill the void of just how much Rooster Teeth doesn’t give a fuck about how to organize their characters properly?

Volume 5 gets Freezerburn, and not onwards? Come on, RT.

But before I end up turning this into a rwde post, let’s just move onto the next ship.

Nuts & Dolts

I SHIP IT

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

Soulmates

I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY

Yeah this one was pretty obvious. But who cares?! I frigging adore Nuts & Dolts.

Let me just be clear in saying that I can ship it platonically/romantically, simply because I love the bond that Ruby and Penny share. They’re both hyperactive, kindhearted and strong-willed girls with a penchant for bladed weaponry and wanting to make the world a better place for everyone.

This initially made N&D into a guilty pleasure ship for me. But over time, I just couldn’t resist or get mad at it because I love how soft it feels. Same reason as Ladybug for the most part. But overall, I like N&D because of just how much soul there is between two people who were born differently with a set of powers that aren’t what you’d call “ordinary”.

As someone who’s been called “unique” or other labels with the disability I have, I usually find it very pretentious and downright grating to see stories that are supposed to be uplifting about being born in a different manner because that can be really damn annoying after a while.

Yeah, stuff like disability or other stuff is under-represented in pop culture. But often it’s portrayed in a very “Hollywood” fashion even if it’s not a work from that culture and work mindset.

I’m not saying N&D is one of those “unique” portrayals, but as something that shows what happens when two saviors who wanted a normal life have someone in each other that they can trust and even love for their shared experiences of being born differently.

Which is why I’ve grown to accept Ruby and Penny as the popular fan portrayal of being girlfriends or platonic friends. They have so much in common, which makes it that much more endearing for me personally.

Okay. Those are some Ruby/Other girl ships outta the way. Now let’s discuss some Ruby/guy ships...Here’s where it gets a little odd.

Lancaster

BROTP

overrated

no thanks

Oh boy. I’m probably gonna get some flak for this entry...

Let me just be clear that this is a post that is NOT meant to attack any particular shippers. This is me stating what I feel about certain ships and me occasionally talking about how I think they would turn out. 

It’s not my headcanon interpretations, per se. But instead it’s more how I picture it based on my experience with viewing relationships in my own life before I started discussing fandom ships.

Now that I have that out of the way, let’s discuss Ruby/Jaune.

When I first started watching RWBY, my first ship, like many others was Arkos (more on that when I cover Jaune). I felt that Pyrrha was just the right fit for a lovable dweeb like him with how it helped kick-start his character development and the framework for how he would improve himself overall.

Granted, I wasn’t really expecting Arkos to be canon since Pyrrha had died in V3. It was a tragic outcome for a ship that had so much buildup. And most of the FNDM agreed that Jaune needed a hug along with his friends to help him through it.

When I started to hear about the fact that Jaune was shipped with other girls in the main cast, I wasn’t really shocked since White Knight was already fairly popular. But when I found out about Lancaster, it was like: “Wait a second, people actually ship him with Ruby?”

Was more confusion than astonishment, to be honest. I didn’t really think that it would’ve been fitting despite how close and similar both team leaders were. But I decided to bite the bullet and give it a try with reading a couple of Lancaster works.

I got bored.

I’m not so much angry whenever I hear about Lancaster as I am just not impressed by how much fanon works recycle many tropes and plot elements.

Ruby is secretly in love with Jaune.

Jaune does something adorkable or manly which attracts Ruby.

Ruby makes/attempts to make a move on him with some crazy or titillating way that, while in-character for her, has been repeated one times too many in this or other ships featuring her.

Jaune is generally being a good boi throughout. I like Jaune, but I feel that he’s put in too many fanfics in which he’s overly good and pure. Again. It’s fitting for him, but sometimes a bit of difference in fan interpretation is nice. Make him angry, have him lash out at his friends at times. Just don’t make him a “perfect” boyfriend.

Both dorks often have to hide their relationship because of the possibility of Pyrrha being jealous, Yang going apeshit, or other characters reacting the way they do which is often buzzwords in a fic like that.

Lancaster shippers, I am not attacking you since this is your thing. If so, fine. But it’s not mine as I am giving an attempt to give constructive criticism about some of the ships listed here while talking about ships I like to make these posts all about even ground.

I prefer to see Ruby and Jaune as besties. Hell. I prefer to see them more like siblings considering how much Jaune acted like a big brother to Ruby on the road to Mistral with how Yang was bedridden with depression in V4. I also think that Jaune needs a friend right now rather than a love interest. The same could be said for a lot of characters right now, but that’s a different topic.

My biggest criticism for LC is that while I understand the similarities that they share, it’s the whole “opposite-gender-leads-fall-in-love” trope. This trope can be done right *coughRENORAcough* but is put in so many works that I’m not one of those fans who’s impressed with it.

The ship isn’t original, but it’s nothing to make me wanna rage-post like I’m Keemstar on Red Bull or the like. And I know people who are into it, to which I tell them: Good for all of you. It’s simply not my cup of tea.

Rosegarden

would read a fic about it

meh

not really my thing

Oh god, how I wish it wasn’t harvest season!

Kidding. Kidding. Rosegarden is legit, and all my friends in the group who ship it are wonderful people.

Another ship that I can’t really get angry at since compared to other ships that cover things like young love or ships of people who were born differently (see my Nuts & Dolts entry), RG is pretty fucking harmless and I can tolerate it more even though I’m not into it.

While I understand why it seems hypocritical of me to share and repost stuff related to RG on occasion, this is simply because I have reason to share it based on how much I’ve interacted with shippers and how I’ve actually had productive discussions with them outside of their ship.

It’s the community which I like more than the ship because of how much more chill they are. But there’s also a big reason why I know that some people crap on this one.

Ozpin.

Dude, if I had a Dollar for every “RG-is-pedophilia-because-Oscar-is-Ozpin’s-puppet” fallacy that was posted I wouldn’t be needing a stimulus check. Let me explain to y’all why that’s bullshit.

(RWDE mode online)

Is Ozpin eons of years old? Yes. He’s from Humanity 1.0 and was thrown into the bodies of men in the modern world in his war against Salem. It’s a rough situation with a lot of baggage to any relationship he puts up or wishes to even build-up and I don’t think it should be swept under the rug because there’s a lot of stuff that should be brought up about the guy.

Is Ozpin intervening on any potential interaction between Ruby and Oscar? No. Canon or no, Oz has been a neutral party in whatever interactions the two kids have because it’s not really his business. Do you honestly believe that if Ozpin would be the kind to boss his host around that he would attempt to butt in on their friendship?

As an Oz critic, I can say that while I understand both interactions, I draw the line at this ship being considered pedophilia.

I mean, come on! The FNDM ships Ruby with villains like Roman, Cinder and Salem, who are adults when she’s a teenager! And suddenly it’s okay to claim pedophilia just because Ozpin is present?! ARE YOU HIGH?

If we’re going with that logic, fine, just have Ozpin ascend from his brain after Salem is 86′d, THEN we can have a development in RG’s friendship whether it’s romantic or not. But leave the fans of this pairing out of it!

(RWDE mode offline)

The reason I don’t ship Rosegarden is because I’m not a fan of the whole “young love” trope either. I wouldn’t mind it so much if Oscar wasn’t relegated to a support role due to being an Oz host and he had more screen time rather than the old wizard.

Maybe I’m just too cynical about stuff like this to really care. But the point is, I can’t get mad at this ship either and I’m willing to read up on it in small doses.

Strawbana

I ship it

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

the sexiest pair

we need more of it

underrated

Sun Wukong, you magnificent monkey bastard! You always seem to brighten my day whenever I’m looking through critical discussions related to this show.

Much as I love BlackSun, I’m definietly curious to learn more about other ships involving my homeboy here. Solar Flare, I also like. But Sun/Ruby? Thank you sir, may I have another!

Ugh. Can’t believe I just quoted Animal House to describe my love for this painfully underrated ship. Somebody get me some soap...

Other than their VAs being married in real life, I like Strawbana/Red Sun the same reason as Nuts & Dolts with this being a ship that features two extremely upbeat characters finding love in one another with just how much they kick ass for the reasons of just being good people.

Kinda/sorta the only straight Ruby ship I’m into just because of how much they could rub off on one another, and how much I’d love to see them interact more in canon material. Not just the show but any other tie-in stuff.

Next time, we cover Weissu.

[bloodfcst-a]

alright, so. i beat remake last weekend, but i didn’t want to come out with my newfound yufi information + meta right off the bat. i think this is an appropriate time to do so now, though. naturally, i’ll tag as spoilers, but if you need anything else, let me know.

also, my verdict? i am so glad i went into this blind, without any hype or expectations or people from fandom whining about it. yet again, i am so happy + i had an incredibly joyous experience.�� this game fed me + also took over my life in a way i’ve not been possessed in some time so like......... good for it.

also no, i truly don’t miss hearing everyone’s hullabaloo +  i don’t wanna hear ur complaints of “ it didn’t say when part 2 is ” so like miss me with that. 

also warning: if u didn’t know already, fandom is WILD towards y.uffie for some reason and i also addressed that, so like if you’re from vii fandom u might seriously wanna read this bc... it’ll be pertinent to u understanding my feelings behind it.  i did address some questionable topics like the underaged oversexual portrayal + beastality that’s popular for her and i am NOT HERE FOR IT so if u came for that................. issa no from me dawg. when i say unbearable.... i mean it. fandom grossed me out. y’all wild.

anyway. thoughts below !

some things that were CONFIRMED for me were:

> midgar is lax around its anti-wutai rhetoric in its most important parts ( namely, hq, wall market, and avalanche ). for propaganda’s sake among the common people, it stands to create a united front. but in consumerism & in strength, they consider the wutai equals just as anyone else. 

see: tseng in the turks; madam m in wall market; the supplier for avalanche.

i would even argue that sector 5 / wall market is the safest place in midgar for wutaians, given don corneo’s obvious fetishism ( and that really............. isn’t saying a lot ).

i’m not going to entertain that it’s an “ admiration for culture and architecture ” in true weeaboo fashion given that of all positions he could give madam m to hold, her duties are to screen women that would be appealing to his aesthetic and to run a massage parlor where the highest bidder gets to have a happy ending. she is literally the “ asian parlors are actually fronts for brothels ” stereotype except in this sex trade, all women go to don corneo. i will have no apologists in this house. 

i have more developing thoughts on madam m like how she might be doing the sex trafficking part in her own self-interest / as a type of self-preservation, like the don might say “ well if u don’t want to be a wife then u better find some for me ” but... 1) this isn’t the post for that and 2) that logic does not explain why chocobo sam and andrea rhodea are also apart of the ring. but in my opinion, you can tell she’s not crazy about it bc as soon as aerith mentions it to her she becomes so wildly upset that she breaks character. i don’t think she’s a sell out. i think she’s an exploited and fetishized woman in a tough place, and i feel for her.

despite this, it’s clear that because of his obvious ‘ preference ’ they’re [ wutaians ] held at a higher standard ( i.e., he doesn’t dispose of madam m immediately like he does with every other woman who is unfortunate enough to meet him ), so i’m willing to go out on a limb and say despite the high amount of shinra foot traffic that goes through wall market ( and we know this bc everybody who is everybody from SOLDIERS to Turks go to honeybee inn ), a wutaian would probably be fine there.

> wutai is the strongest world power by natural means. without SOLDIER s & g programs, midgar’s biggest claim to fame is to reach first-world status as a metropolis by siphoning mako via its reactors. without its reactors, the whole town would either be: 1) slums, like below the plate; or 2) as common as every other area in the nearby vicinity ( i.e., kalm, costa del sol, nibelheim ). by siphoning mako energy, midgar truly is unnatural, so... hm... 

corel could have been a contender ‘cause they use fossil fuels ( and look at how successful gold saucer is! ), but the failed reactor really threw them out the loop. costa del sol + icicle inn are both partially shin-ra owned / managed, so i’m not counting them.

> infiltrating midgar / shinra isn’t difficult. nor is navigating throughout the sectors. while there is the mention of the ID scan on the trains, we see this is not applicable on foot ( freely able to walk through sectors 5, 6, 7, and 8 as party; jessie + co are able to go above the plate to go to her parents’ house despite already being listed as AVALANCHE and that their fake IDs had already expired ). given that yufi entirely travels on foot because of her airsickness / motion sickness, she’d be undetectable. also note that the first 59 floors of shinra hq by stairwell are not monitored... and neither was the front door, so she could easily sneak in whenever the need called for it.

> established multiple points of contact between rufus + yufi ( and by extension, the turks + yufi ). i’m really going into this in the next section ‘cause... their dynamic became so much more interesting. but we already know that at minimum, there was contact bc she had the phs rufus had provided to godo + was using it to communicate with zack for treasure.... but let me hold off on this bc there’s one more thing i want to add here.

regarding the turks: it’s established that even if a person is someone of interest to shin-ra, they won’t necessarily act on attacking or abducting immediately ( see: aerith ). we already know they’ve known yufi since she was a child, and if they’re working with rufus they’d know what she looked like as she aged, so the excuse of “ she looks different than when they worked with her in wutai ” is out the window. it’s more than likely that they’re enabling her to continue her business with rufus + have probably assisted her with not being caught. 

> yufi’s clothes are absolutely normal for her age. it always annoyed me that somehow tifa’s clothing was like considered “ impractical but acceptable ” because she’s a legal adult and because cishet men were too drawn to the boobies to complain. but then yufi was either like HELLA sexualized as a minor ( the amount of ecchi / hentai that exists of underage y.uffie despite there being of-age content [ i.e., her portrayals in advent children + dirge of cerberus ] is.......................................... ridonk ) OR she was like hella slut-shamed and i’m out here like.... hello??? what kinda anti-wutai rhetoric is this? anyway. i’d like to call attention to kyrie, who looks like she’s wearing like 60% of y.uffie’s dirge of cerberus outfit. if anything, this only reinforces that yufi’s fashion choices are.......... legit normal, age appropriate, and anyone who wants to argue otherwise can shut the fuck up.

if you’re really gonna ask “ how come her shorts are unbuttoned ” like go check your privilege. the short answer is probably that rufus stole all of her damn belts to make into his coat. the long answer is that a youth traveling the world SOLO she is probably slim on money to be frequently shopping for clothes ? and the clothes that are available in the slums vs on the plate are probably not great quality ( idk if y’all have ever shopped at a freesized open market before but like... buttons pop off INSTANTLY sometimes and those seams will tear if u stretch the wrong way. like fast fashion but like........ hella wild ). she could find better clothes above the plate, but given the anti-wutai rhetoric up there... probably not a wise choice. 

since you’re looking at her outfit anyway.. can i bring your attention to her sweater, and have you note that it’s made of the same material as cloud’s? i.e., she’s wearing shin-ra/SOLDIER brand quality? ( need further proof that it’s SOLDIER? zack and angeal wear the same one ) probably gotten from either a trip to hq or........ someone on the inside............ but obviously cropped to fit her. she might’ve even had it for some time. now let’s keep looking.... i’m willing to bet the latter, and here’s why! ( prepare for galaxy brain time )

now for standard SOLDIERS, they’re assigned colors. we know third class / infantrymen are blue; second class are burgundy / red ( think kunsel ); and black / dark blue for first class. don’t nobody wear green.... in this whole damn universe.... as a main character.... except child y.uffie. HMMMMM. here’s the sweater again to compare. 

i’m just saying.

now, the ideas INTRODUCED to me were:

> there is only one AVALANCHE, but it is splintered into different factions.

now i always wondered like, how come they just picked up the name AVALANCHE when it was established already. like idk i don’t think people would be like “ ah yes we’re the n.azis and we���re different than the other ones, but we wanna evoke the same fear ” u know what i mean?? usually u would carry the same ideology... but it was always so apparent that barret held different views and goals than elfe, so i was always so confused.

but not anymore. now it’s established that they’re the same group, begun in midgar + just carrying out different methods of “ fuckin’ shit up for the shin-ra ” over the last 10 years, spreading the word about the danger of reactors + it’s suckin’ up the lifeblood of the planet to anyone who would hear. now that makes sense. in the same chapter that this is established, however, they also claim...

> yufi as a benefactor to AVALANCHE.

now this shit had me like AAAAAAAAH. now there is no damn way you and i played the same game if u didn’t see this. they literally say “ AVALANCHE is being provided weapons by someone to fuck shit up, in return for all the materia in midgar. ”

who would want all the materia in midgar? HMMMMMMMMM.

> with that point established, let’s go back to rufus + yufi having multiple points of contact. so i already introduced the idea that rufus clearly has to have contact with yufi bc he’s the one spouting all the secrets to shinra treasure via the PHS. and yufi has claimed ownership of the phone by literally labeling it as “ treasure princess ” so there is no question that he thinks he’s talking to godo versus yufi. 

but we also know that rufus is the person behind AVALANCHE. my man has TIME on house arrest, obviously. we also know that he’s on house arrest in junon, not midgar. now, if he’s out here giving them logistics like places to go to spout their rhetoric, and yufi is providing weapons ( remember, wutai is the strongest power by natural means, and apparently hq is free real estate to explore, so she’s got multiple ways to provide gear without it being an inconvenience to her ), so it’s.........pretty obvious to say that the way she would go in connection to AVALANCHE would be through rufus. also, remember she has bad blood with AVALANCHE because of their actions in wutai, so... she’s not gonna be keen about them anyway. it seems much more practical for someone who already views them ( and tbh, lots of people ) as tools ( rufus vc: “ i own you ” ) to accomplish one’s tasks to help her connect with meeting her own goals ( “ all the materia in midgar ” ).

this would also explain why yufi is found hanging outside junon.

if you opted to grab her outside nibelheim... you might argue that it’s because nibelheim is obviously suspicious + truly the evidence at how shady shin-ra is, given the whole place was rebuilt + is filled with actors to hide the fact that the whole place burned to the ground + was once the site of jenova + currently remains the site as hojo’s secondary lab + other secret, vincent valentine with the protomateria slumbering. she could have been tipped off by rufus as “ there’s another treasure here ” but like... there’s no way she would have known it was vincent. even zack is like “ idk wtf is happening here so i’mma leave this alone. ”

also, i love that rufus uses “ heir to the throne ” verbage, which is so akin to yufi also being “ heir to the throne ” & look at them: spiteful children rebelling against their useless ass dads to create new world order + to destroy the old shin-ra company.  i love that for them.

so in conclusion........ this game FED ME. god i wanna play it again and again. i beat it on normal and got everything except 1 treasure and 1 task from chadley. i also need to do all the combat simulators. but given i did what i could in.... 3.5 days, i’m not too upset by it. this game has so much replay value and... i can say i’m glad i bought it twice.

g.amestop give me my freaking shinra badge i’ve damn well earned it.

oh and two more things going forward:

> nanaki continues to sound old as hell. which duh, given advent children. but u know how they established him as a young teen in the og + so it made sense for y.uffie and nanaki to be friends ‘cause they were mentally the same age? i don’t...... see how that works now. 

also.....y’all could have missed me with this shit already but STOP SHIPPING HIM WITH YUFI. NOW UR ONLY ARGUMENT IS GONE. STOP. i saw some art of nanaki & y.uffie fucking in the tags + floating around google and i was like....... WHY!!! and then there’s also weird hybrid art like what if they had a kid or something and i just........  STOP.

i have flashbacks of when i first started writing on tumblr + how i was bombarded by furries wanting to fuck bc of this. like deadass king dedede from kirby. later on i also saw sonic & even alligators ( not an alligator man.... tho i did see king k. rool + donkey kong as well........ i hated y’all for a hot minute ). it’s not even “ monster fucking ” it’s bestiality and I’M BEGGING YOU TO STOP. y’all can truly MISS ME WITH THIS.

however, u know, bigby wolf + everyone from castlevania could easily get it. stardust platinum where ya at. if i had to pick it would be....... more humanoid than a penguin or a “ lab rat dog ” u feel? 

> i am not crazy about y.uffentine. look. i know it exists. i know it was big bc fandom was like “ optional character ship ftw! ” + then dirge of cerberus came out and y’all went wild ( to be fair, i get it, it was the only ship outside of NANAKI and BEING KIDNAPPED/ASSAULTED BY SHINRA SOLDIERS AS A CHILD that people could feasibly comprehend for y.uffie for some reason............................................................... it was an actually “ NORMAL ” person........ ) but like. i’m sorry. it’s not doin it for me. i’ve seen like two other y.uffie blogs out here that actually stick to canon so like if u want your y.uffentine that bad, like maybe ask them. but please don’t ask me. 

ok i’m done for real now! thanks for reading !

[questionablygourmet]

I Like This Show A Normal Amount: Will Graham As Autistic Representation

In a previous meta post about Will, I briefly alluded to my appreciation for Will as good autistic representation, and for Free-For-All Friday, @tin-can-paladin prompted me to do as I’d said I might and write a Thing about that.  (Hopefully today is the day I actually get this post finished and up!)  So here we go.

First of all, this post will be starting from the premise that Will is an autistic character.  I don’t particularly care if Hugh’s said he’s not; whether or not he meant to, he and Bryan gave us an autistic-coded character and I reserve the right to be delighted about it!  (Actually, that’s not quite true - I do care, in the sense that I wish he hadn’t said that, because acknowledging portrayals of characters on the spectrum that aren’t a walking fucking stereotype played for lulz *cough BBT COUGH* or as a tragedy inflicted upon their neurotypical family members as being on the spectrum is Important.  But whatever.)

This post will address aspects of Will as a character, but also to an extent how he’s handled in the wider context of the show, and why that matters.

Agency

This was my primary focus on that previous Will meta post, but in context of autistic representation, I think it’s an important thing to highlight in this post as well: Will Graham is a whole-ass adult in control of his actions even when other characters don’t think so (see: Alana, Jack, et al in late season 1) or are actively trying to subvert that (see: Hannibal, You Asshole).

Autistic characters in various media are all-too-frequently infantilized and handled as though their environment/circumstances completely dictate their behavior.  Will both implicitly and explicitly (“You can’t reduce me to a set of influences” - ironically for a later part of this post, the next thing he says mentions behaviorism), resoundingly rejects this, and I love that as part of his narrative in general but also as an autistic character in particular.  

Empathy

This one’s gonna be a doozy.  There’s a lot to talk about here that all generally falls under the heading of “autism and empathy,” so I’ll do my best to stay organized.

First, the simplest: He cares!  So!  Deeply!  And complexly!  And we know that throughout the show!

Frankly, this in particular massively exacerbates my irritated wish that the creators would explicitly acknowledge him as autistic because holy shit the stereotypes he combats with this.  Autistic people in the real world have widely varied, diverse relationships with empathy and compassion (which are different things, and I have some beefs with the way the show uses the word “empathy,” but that’s a digression and this is already going to be a long post), but media largely erases this, conflating difficulties with normative, neurotypical-passing social behavior with inability to empathize, and/or display compassion, and/or even feel emotions (FFS).  

There’s a related point about “normative-passing social behavior” that I want to expand on a bit, here: we see a lot of profound differences in demeanor for Will over the course of the show, and that’s something I’ve seen interpreted as manipulation sometimes when it really isn’t.  (Not to say Will is not manipulative/capable of being manipulative, because he is, very!  But not everything calculated is necessarily manipulative, and I see the two conflated a lot and that annoys me.)  Will has, to my eyes, four basic social “modes.”  

I’m Dealing With Most People With Whom I Have No Particular Antipathy Or Affection - Aloof, and either standoffish or polite depending on how his boundaries are being treated.  He’s not particularly interested in making people comfortable when they’re making him uncomfortable (and being a white dude generally enables him to take this attitude without big repercussions), and people frequently make him uncomfortable.

I’m Dealing With Someone I Perceive As Vulnerable - Exaggeratedly calm, kind, careful.  He’s trying to connect and provide comfort and support.  He’s minding his every move and word because he doesn’t want to cause harm incidentally.  (Abigail, Peter, Walter, etc. and to some extent, Margot, though with her it’s mixed with other attitudes.)

I’m Dealing With An Enemy - This is where the manipulativeness (and even, particularly in the cases of Bedelia and Hannibal, cruelty) comes in.  He’s minding his every move and word because he wants to elicit a specific response from the person he’s interacting with.  (This comes into play with Jack and Alana at various points even though they are rarely full enemies.)

I’m Dealing With A Trusted Friend - Has neither the deliberation of 2-3 nor quite the standoffishness of 1.  He’s neither projecting an image appropriate to a specific kind of fraught social situation, nor actively trying to deflect attention and interaction.  In my opinion we really only see this with Hannibal (in season 1 and then with flashes of it in 2 and 3) and Molly, though he gets close in a handful of moments with Alana, Beverly, and Jack.  

All these modes deal with a) to what extent he is acting, and b) why he’s acting.  And I love that we get to see this breadth of social interaction modes from him, because that is an accurate and sensitive portrayal of an autistic adult, reflecting the often-dramatic differences in “difficulty setting” of an interaction - how and to what extent are we expected to (or otherwise have a need to) mimic neurotypical mannerisms?  What are the stakes of the situation?  These are explicit considerations for a lot of autistic people, and Will demonstrates that vividly throughout the series.

Another way in which empathy and social interaction come into play in terms of autistic representation is that Will can and does form strong social bonds - not very often, because the way most other adults treat him isn’t conducive to it, but with people who display acceptance/a lack of judgment for his non-neurotypical reactions and behaviors, and importantly, who don’t treat him as Other for the way he can reconstruct crime scenes, we see that can form very strong bonds.  Hannibal is obviously the prime example of this, but also Molly, and to a much lesser extent, Alana and Margot.  (Though Jack refers to him as a friend and they have some friendly interactions, their bond is not a strong one and not at all marked by the kind of humanizing acceptance it takes to get truly close to Will.)  People who accept who he is, and who are neither threatened by his skills nor dependent on them.

Finally, in this section, let’s look at the crime scene reconstructions and “getting inside killers’ heads” bit.  

I have complex feelings about this aspect of the show, or more precisely, how other characters talk about his reconstructions and serial killer profiling - they (even Hannibal, to an extent) talk about it in mystifying terms, and I thoroughly dislike the term “empathy disorder” that gets thrown around so much in seasons 1-2 to explain what he does.  Will is apt to testily correct people that he just interprets the evidence, and that is exactly what he is doing.  His vivid imagination coupled with years of active study of criminal psychology allow him to take that interpretation a lot farther than anyone else would, and sometimes make intuitive leaps that the other characters can’t follow.  But it’s clear that this intuition is founded in concrete evidence, as we frequently see him stymied when he doesn’t quite have enough of it, much to the frustration of Jack, who is particularly shitty about treating him like an oracle.  

I like that Will gets to stick up for himself and correct people on several occasions, but I wish the ableism and the Othering was less pervasive amongst the other characters because it makes me want to slap them.  I find that I really appreciate how most of the fic I’ve read since entering the fandom thoroughly and often explicitly rejects the pseudo-magical divination and/or Crazy Person With Magic Brain angle.

Perspective

There was something I was reaching at that was eluding me in my first attempt at this draft, and then I ran into an excellent article about writing autistic characters that suddenly and thoroughly solidified it for me.  It’s really brilliant; it discusses and illustrates the strong difference between a behavioristic (see previous reference) approach to characterization and a humanizing one.  Behavioristic analyses divorce themselves from the actual mindset and experience of the subject, whereas humanizing portrayals display the subjective experience of the person who is perhaps behaving in a way other people may find confusing.  

Since Will is the main point of view character in the show, we get front-row seats to his subjective experience and can therefore more properly empathize with him.  An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.  The behavior that Jack and various other characters are exasperated, impatient, and/or unnerved over all looks pretty reasonable when we know how Will is experiencing the crime scene, or are seeing his nightmares and hallucinations along with him!  And while the nightmares and hallucinations in season 1 are a matter of encephalitis and trauma rather than neurotype, it still matters that we’re led to understand something of what he goes through, from his own perspective rather than an outside one.  

It’s incredibly necessary emotional context moving forward in the show, giving us an autistic character who is flawed but deeply human and whose darkness we can understand.

[lavalampelfchild]

Oghren and Banter

I swear, if I get one more portrayal of dwarves as nothing more than a punchline, I’m going to have a gasket or blow a cow. 

Listening to the banter conversations between the companions and Oghren is like all the most annoying stereotypes of dwarves coming to the surface.  I love Zevran and Oghren’s dynamic, because they reach each other on a level that is equal, and neither gives the impression that they’re only tolerating or condescending the other, even though they mainly bond through all those dirty jokes.  But Alistair’s entire conversation set with Oghren consists of Oghren spouting dirty jokes over and over, and Alistair responding in a completely uninterested, very dry tone. 

Morrigan’s are not better; she just seems to be trying to find the best ways to say something that’ll sting or drive Oghren away so that she doesn’t have to deal with him, meanwhile his obliviousness to it all seems to be played off as stupid, and he just keeps going, asking her things about sex and whatnot.  Because Oghren’s a drunk, he’s obsessed with sex!

But lo and behold, Leliana tries to get to know him, and talks to him seriously about Branka, and while he quickly deflects the discussion with a CRAZY STNKY FART, HA HA DWARVES ARE GROSS, he does respond to it with what seems to be genuine bitterness, revealing a different side of himself that does seem to be more genuine than the one that goes with the fart jokes. 

Leliana is also the only one whom Oghren actually asks a serious question; he asks her how the heck she stands it with all this open air, with this great open sky, which canonically makes him uncomfortable.  And Leliana doesn’t make fun of him for it, doesn’t give him shit; she gives him an honest answer.  I just think it’s interesting that because Leliana actually treats him with kindness and some respect, he’s more comfortable with straying from that “drunk, perverted, dirty joker” act to ask her serious questions.

And he listens to her story about how the sky came to be!  He listens and he responds seriously, without making fun of it or deflecting to a different topic with a fart joke or a sex pun! 

Here’s the unfortunate part, though: Oghren has four banter convos with Leliana.  Four!  And one of them is his typical use of innuendo and pervy remarks, though it is during the first conversation he has with her, before he gets to know her; meanwhile another one is entirely dependent on giving Leliana an optional gift (Schmooples the nug), and won’t occur if you don’t get her that gift.  Nice, BioWare.

All of the interesting interactions Oghren could have had – Sten on the different cultures of their people, Leliana on the stories of both of their worlds and the respect they can come to develop for one another, Shale about the dwarven culture surrounding golems – were trimmed down to just two or three banter convos, and it sucks.  Meanwhile, I have to listen to five banter convos rehash a version of what Zevran does with Wynne, except with Oghren (pervy flirting as Wynne gets annoyed and repeatedly puts her foot down about how, no, that’s not going to happen), and more of the exact same innuendos and puns with Oghren’s chats with Alistair and Morrigan.  The only other really solid convos Oghren gets are with Zevran, who very often partakes in the terrible jokes with him, establishing a rapport, and not just an “I’m tolerating you because the Warden wants you here, but I will make very obvious my dislike of talking with you” vibe, like literally everyone else, except Leliana.  

Hell, even Shale – who has some very interesting convos with Oghren – very easily falls into the same habit Alistair and Morrigan and Sten and Wynne when talking to Oghren: i.e. a lot of sighing and making disdainful references to how much he drinks and stop making inappropriate sexual references, you perverted dwarf, and oh, Oghren will be stinking up the joint now, better get some nose plugs!  Yes, that one is actually used in a banter convo.

(Though while Shale doesn’t hold back on the insults about Oghren, Oghren does get some zingers in himself; for example, when Shale compares Oghren to a human in its old village who wandered into a snowstorm and died, Oghren says, “I think I had a wife like you once.”  You know you’re doing friendly banter conversation wrong when I’m actively rooting for one of the two participants to get their asses handed to them, and hey, BioWare does that with five characters who chat with Oghren!)

And Shale and Oghren do have some beautiful convos that delve into whether or not the dwarves would use the Anvil of the Void to create more golems had they the opportunity.  And in those convos, Oghren shows an intriguing and impressive level of insight into the minds of his own people, being certain that they would line up to become golems were someone to learn the magic of the Anvil, and knowing that they’d be willing to subject themselves to that pain because of the decline of the dwarven population. 

And when Shale asks Oghren if Oghren believes the Warden to have been wrong to destroy the Anvil (in the event it was destroyed), Oghren says this:

“(Sigh) No.  Sometime people need to be kept from doing stupid things, even for good reasons.”

And then Shale asks if Oghren is referring to Branka with that statement, and Oghren gets defensive and closes up for the first time in all his banter convos.  Because it hurts to think about Branka in this worldstate, the one in which she died, and refused to listen, and called him worthless before showing how willing she was to watch him die after he spent two years throwing away his reputation amongst his fellow dwarves just to find her.  And we get a different side of him in this!  We see hints of the pain he feels when he thinks of his declining race, when he thinks of what happened to his wife; we see his views on golems and why he thinks they’re worse for the dwarven race than better for them.

But of course, Shale and Oghren’s convos fall right back into the same trend that Oghren’s convos with many other companions do because of course fart jokes and sex puns are all Oghren is good for, right?  And it ruins all that beautiful potential.  There is one more moment which looks like some positive development may be had – Shale admits that Oghren is a decent fighter and that there are worse things than fighting at his side – but that never goes anywhere!  The next convo they have is right back to Oghren deflecting with his usual brand of sex jokes, innuendos, and fart jokes, while Shale sighs and jabs about Oghren’s poor hygiene.  Yay. 

And of course, the dog.  Oghren is at first not a big fan of the dog companion, but he seems to change his tune a little more, and isn’t it goddamn interesting how he has more development in two conversations, and with the dog, than he does in five conversations with other fellow people.  Isn’t it interesting how the dog is the one with whom Oghren shares his dreams of achieving glory for his house (in however amusing a vision), of earning a good reputation among his people after having been shunned and tossed aside by them?  Isn’t it interesting how Oghren shares his abject disagreement with the use and creation of golems with the dog, even though the dog joins the ranks of the companions who don’t like Oghren and have no tolerance for him?  How fucking interesting.  Thank you, BioWare, for that.  Thank you for lowering all of your characters – with the exception of Leliana and Zevran, mind you – to a one-note punchline, or to being the idiots who actually believe this dwarf is only a one-note punchline.

Leliana, Zevran, this is why I love you.  Alistair, Morrigan, Wynne, Shale, Sten, hell, even Dog, y’all can go sit someplace where I don’t have to look at you, and stay there until you think about what you’ve done.  I love you all, but you never learn anything in your damn banter.  If a dynamic starts out bad or hostile, it stays bad or hostile (maybe with one or two red herrings of incomplete development); if it starts good and wholesome, it stays good and wholesome.  It’s only ever an unmoving line, a constant adherence to whatever status quo the first conversation establishes.  No one ever learns, tries to understand, or develops in any way with these other characters they chat with, and I’m tired of it.  And for the writers who thought that it was a good idea to give us a myriad of the exact same jokes over and over instead of developing the one dwarf companion you gave us, I bite my thumb at you.

[pupuceplus]

I Edited and added some informations ^^ since I wrote it.

I have to talk a bit more about the ‘eyewitness’s french adaptation. I’m crazy about it. Usually I’m not into french version but this one is the exception.

I love how they portrayed Yann ( who is Phillip in eyewitness US version )

He is a bit different than Phillip US version ( I love both portrayals by the way. So here in France, he is called Yann. His mother is a junkie too, But his foster parents are composed of his uncle. An uncle who wasn’t there for him and his mother most of his life... + his wife, Hélène, who is a gendarme. (It’s a military police type.)  His uncle is a dogs breeder by the way.

The dogs are so cute and fluffly and of course Yann has a lovely relashionship with one ^^

Let’s back to Yann. His character is awesome. Like Phillip he kisses Lucas ( Lukas in USA version ). First unlike Lukas, Lucas is surprised but doesn’t reject him. They are best friends since Yann came to his fosters parents ‘s house and you can see Lucas is into Yann before the first kiss. They don’t ignore each other at school either. But Yann has a bad reputation and he is not liked. He is judged as  a violent type of guy.

He did push violently a guy who talked bad about Lucas. The whole fight was filmed by cellphone and when Lucas found about it , he was pissed. Because he doesn’t need a shiny armor savior and he doesn’t want to be labelled as a weirdo like his friend.

It’s where i love Yann’s portrayal, he is matured ( like phillip ) but clearly he is bossy, fierce and delivers punchlines that cuts deep when he wants. He is still a lonely kid and an hurt kid who goes through too much for his young age. But damn, when he needs to be, he doesn’t let people off of the hook that easily. 

He is more patient with Lucas of course but sometimes you can see, he clearly wants to struggle him lol in cute way. He is clearly dumbfound by Lucas ‘s logic most of the time . ^^  

Oh a major change is there was someone who took pictures of them in that cabin ( so a third witness ) who wants money from Lucas to keep his mouth shut. Lucas is in a panic mode, when Yann is more eager to find who that person is and doesn’t want to pay the anonymous person.

There this scene where Lucas stole 2000 euros (2444 dollars  from his father and he told it to Yann after Yann asked abruptly (not even an Hi! to begin with, just where did you get that money ?” , Lucas was all proud and smiling because of what he succeed to do and Yann is pissed and said with a bossy voice and a very I’m not joking look in his eye :

“And this make you laugh “ so bossy that Lucas stops smiling immediately. You don’t mess up with a dead serious Yann. And most of the time, Lucas prefered to stop talking and go back to his home than deal with Yann than to escalade the fight ( and Yann  is always right even if he doesn’t have the solutions to their problems ). And Yann is trying hard to respect Lucas ‘s wish to not pressure him. 

Of course the story is more of less the same ( Oh lucas ‘s mother overheared Yann and Lucas talking about being gay and how Lucas kissed Yann ). Yeah Lucas’s mother is still alive in this version . He has still his father too ( who is not really happy about his son friendship with the “bad boy “ from town ).

Yann is so great.  when Lucas is mad at him for telling about the gun and rejects his offer to talk to him in private in front of his friends ;And his friends are all ready to film a fight between them and put more fire . Yann looks straight to Lucas, bossy voice , fierce eyes and say to Lucas

“No problem I can talk here. I don’t care” Then turn his head to the annoying  lucas’s friend and say menacing “ you, shut the fuck up “ and of course he does shup up. Lucas immediately agrees to talk in private with Yann and also tell his friend to let them be. 

the scene when Hélène and His uncle send him to talk to a psychiatrist is so well done, how he does nothing to help . Mostly saying “ I ‘ll pass “ to the doctor’s questions and even add “ god, you are annoying me, I’ll pass “ and then in the car, Hélène says , she thinks Lucas and him can still be friend and he continues to say “ I’ll pass” 

Another major change is that when everybody abandon Yann ( Helène and his uncle , Yann has this masterpiece line when he said to the social worker, that if he was a dog, he ‘ll be left in the breeder’s barn with the unwanted and unsold dogs ) and of course Lucas kissed a girl at a party .(Lucas has no girlfriend in this version ). Yann  really had enough, got drunk and even drunk like hell , he is still pissed at how Lucas dealed with the blackmailrs’ guy and the revelation about it ( he was lucas’s dad employee, a year ago , lucas found out this guy used his dad ‘s cabin to hide some packages ( he didn’t know it was drugs from the gangs ) and since his dad’s employée told him to shut up and gave him some canabis time to time in exchange for the silence he never said anything ). So yeah, even in despair, ,all drunk, Yann is still really pissed about that;  it ‘s cute.( by the way, the blackmail guy died in a shooting later )

He refused to answer Helene ‘s calls and Lucas ‘s calls ( Who feels like shit for being so shitty at Yann ) and he is walking inside a railroad, and then train is coming right behind him , give the sound alert for the boy and major change is , that he is closing his eyes and fall . We don’t know if he collapsed from his drunken state or deliberately tried to suicide. I rewatched the scene and i think he did try to suicide.

miracle he endsup only with his head hurt a bit because of the impact of the rocky ground and the train was too large to cut him in pieces when it passed over his body. So he ended up safe.

Next day, a worried Lucas learns that Yann almost died and wants to leave, he goes straight to bring the gun to Helene

Next eps and finals episodes next week 

oh by the way, the killer did see clearly Yann’s face (only Yann’s ) and Yann and Lucas did see clearly the killer ‘s face too. There was this intense scene, when the killer was waiting in frontp of their school to see if the young boy was there. And Lucas saw him and goes straight to alert Yann they have to find a way to escape by another way than the school’s front door.

they tried to avoid hanging up in town, because they know the killer is outhere searching for them. 

Lucas who is looking to Yann in next eps teaser, I can’t wait to watch it.

About Lucas, he is really most of the time in panic mode, in the closet, in denial , really hurt that Yann betrayed him, wants to hurt him back on the same level he is hurting but still unable to hate him. He almost cried when Helene told him ,Yann was missing. But since he was drunk and very good at lying he manages not too.

even hurt , you can still see he cares about Yann more than he wants.  You see he is missing being with Lucas, but he can bring himself to forgive him until of course he found out about the train, the news that he wants to leave and probably understand, that Yann wasn’t as strong than he thought and that Yann also needed Lucas to be there for him like Yann was for him. 

When they barely talked and Yann told Lucas , he cares about him ( twice ). You can see he doesn’t want to hear it because Yann ‘s feeling for him touched him so strongly and it’s too complicated for him to handle the emotions.

the pair is so well balanced. Because Lucas can be rough and commanding but Yann is an iron fist in a velvet glove. He doesn’t back up. They both have their own fragility. Lucas can only be be himself with Yann and Yann is more carefree with Lucas ( until the murders at least ). 

What i also loves is that they were fighting about what to tell , what not to, they felt comfortable fighting with each other. Really they are an item.

[sophygurl]

q and u!

woot - thanks!

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

Supernatural. I really really enjoyed the first five seasons. It told a solid story and came full circle and I appreciated the whole thing. Then it just ... kept going, and getting worse and more nonsensical and repetitive and bonkers, so I stopped. I now pretend in my head that anything past season 5 is just fanfic. I only accept the first five seasons of the show as canon. :P

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Oh goodie, this is a fun one!

Fandom 1: the Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb. My favorite character here is a mad sentient ship named Paragon - I tend to fall for the “crazy” characters, especially if their madness has a mysterious tragic backstory, and especially if the Power of Friendship helps to stabilize and empower them to sort out who they really are and become who they really want to be. 

My second favorite character in the RotE series is Thick, a character who - if he lived in our world and not a medieval-ish fantasy one, might be considered developmentally disabled or perhaps neuroatypical. He is funny, loving, angry a lot - especially at the things he can’t control or the things the people he cares about make him do when he doesn’t want to do them, and is also very very powerful in some of the magics that exist in this world. However, because of his differences, his magic functions differently from the others as well, and most people don’t understand him. He connects to very few characters, but the ones he does connect with end up being very strong connections. 

Third fave is probably Nighteyes, a wolf who bonds with the main character of the primary books in the series (9 out of 16 of the books I believe?). The bond is magical on both of their parts, so Nighteyes becomes a little human-ish and Fitz becomes a little wolfish, and they can talk to together and are basically life partners and soulmates in a very very strong way. Fitz often annoys the crap out of me, but Nighteyes does not - in fact he is often annoyed by the same things about Fitz that I am, which of course is gratifying. He’s got a great sense of humor, is super loyal, and has great instincts. Plus he’s a woofer. I love him. 

(I could probably pick another 6 characters here but I’ll move on)

Fandom 2: General Hospital

Carly Corinthos is probably my top fave soap character of all-time. She can be crass and caustic and schemes like nobody’s business, but she’s fiercely loyal to and protective of the people she loves, always emotionally honest to the point of everyone always knowing what she’s thinking or feeling at any given moment, and while she’ll cast you out if you hurt one of her own - her heart is big and warm and open enough to keep including more people into that inner circle. She’s a hot mess tbh, but she keeps trying, yk. I’ve loved her since Tamara Braun played her and also love Laura Wright’s portrayal of her (love having TB back on the show in another role too btw)

Sam Morgan is probably my second top fave soap character of all-time and it’s a very close second. Sam and Carly have a lot of differences (Sam has a healthy understanding of boundaries, for example - and she tends to methodically plot instead of spontaneously scheme when she wants something sorted out a certain way), but they’re similar in their fierce loyalty and their ride-or-die mentality when it comes to the people they love and care for. Sam tends to hold her cards closer to her chest, and she’s quite independent (whereas Carly tends to lure people in to help her accomplish her goals). Sam is scrappy, she’s a fighter, she loves her family - bio, extended, found, etc. - and she looks goooood in a tight black tank top, some jeans, and a leather jacket. Come ON! 

Maxie Jones is another female character that I adore on this show. Maxie is a lil ball of fire! She knows what she wants and she goes at it full-speed ahead until she gets it. She fucks up a lot (less and less as she gets older tho), but she always gets her head turned back around and makes things right to those she’s hurt. She’s currently going through a grueling heartbreak/loss and the actress Kirsten Storms is knocking every scene out of the park. I just wanna throw daytime emmy’s at her in between dabbing at the tears in my eyes. 

So anyway yea, three very different badass women on my fave soap!

Fandom 3: The Walking Dead

Michonne is such a dynamic and interesting character. The first thing we see and get to know about her in the beginning is just how badass she is - she can fight with a katana, and she has hand-less jaw-less walkers chained to her to protect her from other walkers, and she just seems so mysterious and larger than life.

Then we get to know her, bit by bit. And she never loses that badassness, but she adds in these layers of softness, humor, love, affection, fear, sadness, tragedy, etc. She becomes part of Team Family and she protects her people both with her fighting skills and with her wisdom and willingness to try new things and be open to new people. 

She never loses the core of who she is and she never gives up, but she gets close at times. She’s not really larger than life. She’s very human, and very fragile, and yet still very very strong. I adore her.

Rick Grimes - oh - how I do even begin. He crept up on me. I never consciously thought of him as a favorite or whatever, but as the seasons continued I found myself feeling very protective of him against his critics. He’s a leader character, and his people sometimes follow him very willingly and openly, and sometimes more reluctantly and angrily - but follow they do. And, like Michonne, he’s very human. He loses it sometimes and he makes giant mistakes sometimes.

But overall? This is a man who gives his all at all times. He protects his family at all costs and sometimes that means his wife and kid, and sometimes it means a network of communities of hundreds of people. It can mean anything in between. We call our group Team Family in large part because that is how Rick sees them. And once Rick decides to take someone(s) under his wing, whether it’s a lonely wanderer by themselves or a whole freaking village, well the rest of the group also end up deciding these people are now part of their family.

Everyone on this show has seen and experienced and even done unimaginably horrific things, but I feel like Rick has shouldered the most - not just what’s been done personally to him, but the responsibility of everything that’s happened to anyone in his care at any given point of time. It’s a lot to take on. But he keeps doing it.

He just keeps doing his best, over and over and over again. And I admire the shit out of him. And I discovered somewhere along the line that he was not only a favorite character but someone I truly STAN for. I will die any hill defending this man with my whole heart. 

And yea, he loves Michonne. And she loves him. And when the two characters you love and admire the most in a show fall in love, it’s one of the most delightful things in the world. 

Carol Peletier. I don’t know if I can’t talk about this lady without tearing up. She started the apocalypse still under the thumb of her abusive husband. She was quiet, unassuming, but clearly warm and caring as well. She’s had an incredible character arc in these past eight seasons. 

Carol lost her husband (a good thing), and then her only daughter (a tragic thing), and found the will to not only live but continue on and thrive and learn to protect herself and her people. She is a fierce fighter, she takes necessary actions that no one else can take, and she can put on a character to fool people into underestimating and/or trusting her at a moment’s notice. 

Carol has spent a lot of time deciding what kind of person she wants to be, and what her ethics in this new world should be about, and how far she should go now that she knows how far she CAN go, and as a result she has become very deliberate with both her words and her actions. She’s even learning to lighten up a bit here and there. She’s an amazing, wonderful, thoughtful woman who continues to grow and change but in believable and deliberate ways that make sense for her character.

I can’t wait to see what she does next tbh!

[dark-unimaginably-stupid-kids]

Take the edge off- Pt1.

Figured I’d just go ahead and post this now, not finished yet, not even to the point of the “teaser” bit here but I’m heading out in a little bit and wanted to post SOMETHING.

So, without further ado, I foray back into the land of fan-fiction and feel shitty cause I’m actually trash.

I’m not ace and know very little about the concept so if you want to make any corrections to the minor portrayal here by all means please educate me. I really just wanted Keith and Pidge to have reasons to hold hands and be adorable.

This was supposed to be for Keith’s birthday but what with the assault and breakdown it kinda had to wait.

Fandom- Voltron

Pairing- Keith and Lance, possible Shiro and Allura and MAYBE Pidge and Hunk. Maybe.

Rating- Uhm. Idk yet. Gonna be super gay though for suuuuuure.

You don’t initially like the taste of it on your tongue, but you figure if he’s doing it then it’s got to be worth it, right?

It burns on the way down and you’re feeling even more inclined to stop, but you glance up at him through shy lashes and there’s that stupidly endearing smile on his lips and your heart thuds loudly in your chest and you just want to feel closer to him.

So you take another drink.

---

This morning you woke from bed planning to do just what you do every day in the castle of lions. Train, eat, train, save the universe from certain peril, try not to stare at Lance, train some more and pass out.

But somehow you’d lost track of the days.

Well, not somehow, you’d been actively avoiding considering the days for some time now. In fact, the second you got Shiro alone you were going to chew him out for even mentioning it to the others because why on earth—or anywhere else for that matter—would you want to celebrate your birthday?

You spent so many of them miserable and alone and it was just a constant reminder of your useless existence—

“It won’t be too bad Keith, I promise, you might even enjoy yourself a little,” Shiro says over breakfast while Hunk goes on about tonight’s “Party Menu.”

“I don’t want a party Hunk, I mean—thank you, really. Just. Can’t we just act like it’s any other day?” You try.

You try but Hunk just rolls his eyes at you, “Uh? No. Besides, we could all totally use the break. Just relax and enjoy it birthday boy.”

“No one gets out of being fawned over Keith, it’s your turn,” Pidge volunteers bluntly.

You spare her a scathing glance because you remember her birthday and how quickly she’d gone from, “It’s no big deal” to “I’m the birthday princess bitch!” after some choice “fawning” that you were absolutely certain was not going to work on you.

Just because she eventually got into it did not mean you would.

“It will be fun,” Allura pressed, the warmest of her smiles ebbing away at your very soul. Most days Allura’s overwhelming warmth was a welcomed intrusion into your head but today you quietly wished you’d never left your room and thus never had to look at any of them.

“Gah…!” you groan to no one in particular, vaguely resigning to your fate. The last birthday had been Lance’s and that had actually been a pretty great night spent playing games and laughing and—okay, maybe you just enjoyed the excuse to be around Lance while he was in too good of a mood to let himself get annoyed by whatever you could possibly do to annoy him.

Which was plenty, you’d been told.

Speaking of, “…Where is Lance anyway…?” you say out loud, awkwardly betraying the fact you’d been thinking of him.

Thankfully, the only one of your friends who catches the slip is Pidge who lets out a little throaty scoff and says nothing.

It’s Coran, over a mouth full of something that once resembled Hunk’s attempt at space pancakes, that answers you, “He ran off looking for the mice this morning.”

“The mice?”

Coran shrugged, “s’what he said.”

“Don’t worry about it Keith,” Pidge started after Coran’s words left you quiet and slightly confused, “I’m sure he’d never miss your party.”

None of them thought this statement was at all strange but you felt your chest cease up a bit and you really wished she’d stop.

…

It was her fault, after all, that you were so actively aware of Lance now. She’d come into your room one night, scared the artificial daylight right out of you, and went on a small very personal tirade sitting on the floor next to your bed before you could even register it was her.

“I think,” she’d said finally, “I think I’m ace.”

This woke you up and you immediately crawled off your bed to sit next to her on the floor.

“Well. That’s. uhm. Cool?”

“Is it though? I mean—I used to see people get a lot of flak for it. And I mean, just cause I’m not like… super into kissing anyone or anything doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally want someone to hold my hand or anything and like… wouldn’t my being ace… I dunno, turn people off to wanting to be like that with me? I mean. When they inevitably realize that I don’t… want…” She was so small here next to you and the doubt leaked into her voice so surprisingly easily you weren’t even really sure you were talking to the same girl you fought alien armies with.

Frankly, it bothered you tremendously, but you were not the priority that night, she was and for some reason she had come to you. So.

“Well first off you’re like fifteen and I don’t think you should even be thinking about sex,” you say, hypocritically because you’ve been thinking about it for years when you first noticed how attractive certain classmate’s lower abdomens were in the middle school locker room and how everything would get sort of fuzzy around the edges of your brain for a while after that.

But this was different because this was Pidge and in the short amount of time you’d known her you’d grown to see her as a little sister to be protected and kept far away from terrifying things like penises.

She laughed lightly and rolled her eyes but didn’t look at you.

“Secondly,” you continue, “Sex really isn’t everything. Pidge, you are brilliant and strong and kind and beautiful and someone is going to be made giddy just for the gift of holding your hand.”

“But what if they want more and I don’t—”

“Then they will respect you and not do anything or they’ll meet the business end of Voltron’s sword.”

She chuckled again.

You love that sound. Hell, you love any positive sound coming from anyone of your new family members, bonus points if you helped them make it. It made you feel like you were actually doing something right for a change.

“And third,” you reached for her hand, intertwined your fingers, and held it tightly in yours, “You can hold my hand whenever you want.”

“Yeah,” she laughed outright, a little snort at something she secretly found so funny, “Never have to worry about you wanting something from me, huh?”

Nope! Of course not because—

Wait.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You hope you sound as incredibly confused as you are rather than in any way annoyed or accusing.

“Well, cause I’m a girl, duh?”

You blink at her.

She blinks back.

“…Are you trying to tell me you’re still in the closet?” She croaked out suddenly.

Then it makes sense, why Pidge would come to you with this kind of thinking.

“Oh.” Is the only thing that comes out of your mouth.

“I-I mean I won’t out you or anything!” Pidge squeaked suddenly, probably realizing all the toes she could have been stepping on. Eventually you just shake your head.

“Ah. Well I mean. I’m not hiding it or anything I’m just. Surprised you knew? I mean, it’s not like I wear a big ol ‘gay orphan’ sign or anything.”

She flinched at your wording but you’re the one who said it so you can’t bring yourself to consider it.

Her turn to shake her head, “You actually kind of do though? Cause like- I could have sworn from the second we got all these lions together and started our great big mission to defend the universe that you were just—you know. Into Lance.”

Whoa there.

Whoa.

You’re being gay was one thing, not a new development at all, not something you actively felt the need to advertise because it was as much a part of you as your hair being black or the freckles on your shoulder. But being into Lance?

“w-where did you get a crazy idea like that?”

“The way you look at him?”

“Uhm?”

“talk to him?”

“…”

“study him”

“--!” was it getting warmer in here??

“You also get this really cute stutter sometimes.”

At this point you have to release her hand so you can cover your face.

“I-I don’t have any-any idea what you’re t-talking about.”

“That. That stutter. It’s diabetes inducing adorable and it only comes out around or about Lance. Keith come on, you can’t possibly expect…” She twisted herself to look at you head on but suddenly you can’t really think anymore.

You’re just.

Thinking about him and your heart might be beating a little faster and you are suddenly so fucking aware—

“G-god no I… I don’t…I can’t…”

Okay you’ve been in space for a little while and maybe your options on who to think about while laying alone in your bed at night may have been pretty limited and you knew it was wrong and you knew that their being your fucking comrades in arms really wasn’t going to make for acceptable ways to think about them so maybe you’d limited yourself to the one and maybe you thought it was safe because in the waking hours he was just too much of a pain for you to accept how stunning he was but then—

Then he started behaving and then his sarcasm and his jokes and his flirtatious tendencies became endearing. And he was interesting and fun and his smile could light up the room and grazing his arm while walking down the hallway together would send sparks of electricity down your skin and maybe your nights weren’t spent thinking about him aesthetically anymore but instead you were thinking about how he said your name and how is eyebrows would knit together and the sweet encouraging things he could say and—

“…I need to be ejected into space. Good bye Pidge, it was nice getting to spend this time together.” You announce, dropping your hands from your face and staring at the wall straight ahead of you.

She punches you in the shoulder, “Don’t even joke you can’t leave me here.”

You stare at her, sure that your face is conveying how distraught you are at the softening look on her face before you shout, “why the hell am I into Lance?!”

And then she grins.

You really, really wish she hadn’t.

“If it helps,” she starts slyly, “I’m pretty sure he’s into you too.”

You shove her so hard in the side she topples over, “SHUT UP. No he doesn’t. Wow. Pidge.”

Pidge rolls onto her back, holding her side and laughing like a small bespectacled hyena, “Oh my god you just did that. You should see your FACE.”

“PIDGE.”

She wipes the imaginary tears off her face and holds her hand out to you, her shoulders still shaking with her restrained giggles, “Still wanna hold my hand?”

You bite your lip, grab her hand and pull her back up to a sitting position. You don’t let go.

“You’re a jerk.”

“You love me.”

“I do.”

“Not as much as you love Lance.”

“Pidge. Please for the love of all that is holy don’t ever say those words in connection to each other ever again.”

…

It’s been a few months since then but your face still burns furiously at the stupid thing your heart decided to do to you. Pidge seemed to be doing just fine coming to terms with herself, and whenever she felt particularly affectionate she had no issues cuddling up to one of her boys, even Allura had gotten an awkward nuzzle that had surprised her but otherwise gone quite well considering Allura’s immense desire to bond with Pidge. But that was a different story altogether.

One your way out of breakfast, Shiro jogs to catch up with you.

You’re still prepared to slaughter him and grin broadly when he says he wanted to go train with you.

Yes, Shiro, let’s make it look like an accident.

Of course, you would never purposefully hurt your closest companion in the entire universe but sometimes you allowed yourself little innocent daydreams where you for once have the upper hand and he’s screaming uncle.

Especially when he starts talking.

“I actually told Allura about your birthday months ago. There really was no way to avoid it.”

“Really? Really? Call you gotta do is not say it. Why was that hard?” You growl out.

He rolls his eyes, “Nah you’re right, clearly I should have lied and said you didn’t have a birthday, you are a figment of our imagination and thus were never actually born yeah?”

He nudges your side and you roll your eyes this time, “The correct response is, ‘It’s no big deal, you don’t need that information.’ Shiro.”

Shiro wraps an arm around your shoulders and though you’re still talking he pulls you back so you’re pressed against his chest. You can hear his heart beat, steady and strong and it’s so soothing to you it almost causes you to melt into him on the spot.

Shiro is alive. Shiro’s existence is the one worth celebrating. Shiro is warm and safe and so many wonderful things.

“It is a big deal Keith, we five paladins of Voltron are defenders of the whole goddamn universe and every single one of us is so incredibly important we should stop and thank the stars in celebration that we were all born. You, most of all, the one who fought so hard and brought us all together. You deserve a happy freaking birthday, Keith.”

Your mind wanders to Allura and Coran, sure that either of them could take your place if need be, sure that it all would have gone the same without you, maybe better without your emotional wreckage self mucking everything up.

But then Shiro kisses our forehead and you breathe deep through your nose and he smells like home.

“Enjoy today, okay?” He says, lips still pressed lightly to your skin.

“Fine.”

“Hey guys, is Keith being a big ol’ grumpy pants again?” Your heart jumps into your throat and Shiro pulls up quickly but doesn’t release his hold on your shoulder.

“When isn’t he.” Shiro started with a chuckle in his throat before changing the subject, “we missed you at breakfast today, Lance.”

The blue paladin stands at his ridiculous height in his ridiculous pajamas and nods, “had some stuff to do. Hunk saved me some grub I’m sure. Right?”

Shiro laughed and you pull out of his hold, for some reason painfully aware of how that might look to someone who didn’t know how close the two of you were. Despite, you know, Lance does know how close you are. It shouldn’t be an issue but you feel the tension ease once your adopted brother’s arm is off your shoulder.

“What were you doing Lance?” You ask carelessly. Maybe a little short. Maybe a little suspicious.

“None of your business, Mullet.” Lance answers back without missing a beat before clapping Shiro on the arm, “Alright, I’ll see you guys tonight. Enjoy whatever it was you two were heading off to do yeah?”

Then he rounded the corner and was gone as quickly as he’d come.

Your heart did not recede from your throat but you don’t think Shiro noticed.

...

You retreat to your room after sparring with Shiro. He works you hard and you are desperately in need of a shower and maybe a nap. Once clean of the sweat and your muscles are starting to relax you flop yourself down onto our bed wrapped in a towel and hear the faint squeak of a mouse that had been disturbed.

It’s the little angry looking blue one that if you were honest was probably your favorite of the three.

“Hey little guy, what are you doing in here?”

It scowls a little bit but reaches up with its little hands and you see there’s a small piece of purple felt stuck to its skin. It tries to pull it off with one hand but it just gets stuck to the other as it wiggles and tries to swat it off.

Must be some really soft material you think, before offering the mouse your finger and easily removing the cloth, one calloused finger against a little prickly rat paw.

The rat beams at you, offers its thanks with a bowed head, and then bounds under the bed.

A few minutes later it returns with more stuck to it and expects you to help him again.

“…” You do, of course, but this time you decide to follow him under the bed and there you find something extremely strange.

It is, for all extents and purposes, a small stuffed hippo.

The other mice as sleeping on it, one opening its eyes every time the little angry one tries to make himself comfortable and ends up getting stuck again. He rips his and free and pulls the hippo apart a little more before realizing you’re watching.

“What do you guys have here…?” You ask finally before reaching under your bed and picking it up.

The sleepy mice get to their feet, startled at being tossed off their new bed and there’s some stuffing leaking out of the hippo’s arm were the first rat had kept trying to make itself comfortable.

The material is extremely sheer and not appropriate for being made into a stuffed animal at all, but the stitching is solid and its very clearly a hippo which brings a small smile to your face.

“Well. This is pretty cute…”

There’s a knock on your door and without waiting for a reply the person on the other side simply lets themselves in.

Its in this millisecond you remember you are only wearing a towel that is choosing just now to fall loose what with all your maneuvering to get the hippo out from under your bed.

You try to tighten the towel but only manage to pull it lose and the ridiculous shriek that breaks from Pidge’s lips as she immediately shuts the door behind her is something that will follow you for the rest of your days.

Until she says to the door and potentially those beyond the door, “NOPE. NOT TODAY. YOU SAW NOTHING.”

With your heart beating a mile a minute you cover yourself properly, put the hippo down, and turn to stare at her in absolute shock.

“…Pidge…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Pidge.”

“I’m sure he didn’t see anything.”

Your heart stops like it crashed into a wall at its breakneck speed, “W-who…!”

“He just wanted me to check your room for the mice. I’msorry.” She says the last bit without a breath and is still facing the door because she clearly doesn’t realize you’ve covered up again but that really doesn’t matter.

“Ch-check for t-th-the mice?”

Who was looking for the mice earlier.

Who was outside that door and got a flash of—

“….I need to be ejected into space.”

“Keith, no!”

…

[ayabaiii]

Why I’m so nuts for YOI

YOI flipped my switch in a big way, in a head-over-heels way, in a Victor-dancing-with-Yuri-at-the-GPF-banquet-and-realizing-this-was-it way, and I’ve been thinking lately about why it is that I love it SO much. There are so many reasons. A million reasons. A gazillion reasons under the cut because I’m not as cruel to stick this much text at once into your dash.

Sexual desire can be a positive thing: In most Asian media (dramas, anime), sex and desire is usually treated as deviant- if you want it, you’re a slutty slut or a comical horndog, or it has to be way crazy kinky nonconsensual porn shit. In most Western media, it isn’t treated well either- I just finished watching Big Little Lies and sex is all about shame, rage and violence in that series. But in the world of YOI, Victor is super hot for the cute guy who challenged his rinkmate to a dance off, then proceeded to strip and pole dance, THEN CAPPED IT ALL OFF BY SWEEPING HIM OFF HIS ACTUAL FEET, and then he choreographs a skating routine about SEXUAL LOVE about it and ends up making Yuri skate it. A lot of fandom seem to write Yuri off as a delicate flower who knows nothing about sex, but were you all watching the same series as I was? He basically has a sexual awakening as a preteen watching stupid pretty Victor twirl around with his stupid pretty hair and covers his entire bedroom with sexy posters of him (there are posters where Victor isn’t even skating, they are more or less posters to jack off to). He literally says that he is the only person in the world who can satisfy Victor. I’m shit at translating but the Japanese dialogue and narration in the series (I should just watch the blurays because I find the english subs on crunchyroll distracting and not particularly accurate) is... pretty sexy too. They’re in love, but they’re also SUPER attracted to each other, and that’s ok- better than ok, really, because great sex is a cornerstone of healthy and happy long-term relationships. 

The fact that they’re both the same gender is never an issue: No angsting about sexual orientation. Neither party wishes they were a girl (which happens every so often in yaoi). No pandering or queerbaiting. This series is a straight-up romantic comedy: person A meet-cutes person B, person A and person B fall madly in love. No one gives them any shit about it (except Yuri Plisetsky, but my head canon there is that he has an unconscious crush on Yuri Katsuki and is mad as shit that stupid perfect Victor swooped in and stole him away) 

No stupid romantic subplot friction: No super retarded misunderstandings that could be avoided by just talking to each other (I’m looking at you, every Korean drama ever made), no evil love rivals, no contrived situation with parents or other authority figures trying to keep the main couple apart. Their main issues are what most couple’s issues are: proper communication, compromise, and learning what it means to operate as a unit. I also love love love that when Victor gets jealous and possessive in the Yuri on Stage skit, he doesn’t demand to know all the details of whoever he thinks Chihoko is, he doesn’t close off and make it so Yuri only ever talks to him, he drunkenly scrawls “Surpass Chihoko” on Yuri’s naked back, and then proceeds to climb a public edifice naked and scream his love from the top. And when he demands Yuri do it too, instead of telling him he’s crazy or to get down or having a fight, Yuri just strips and gets up there too, to make his stupid hungover husband feel better.  

A realistic portrayal of love: Victor and Yuri are attracted to each other, but the reason they fall in love is that they really get along and like being around the other person. They have fun, they make each other laugh, they excite and surprise each other, they slowly open up to each other, they bicker and squabble because being in love doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t annoy the shit out of you sometimes. Most anime and media treat falling in love like some magical thing that makes your life instantly perfect, which is not the case in real life. They also treat falling in love as a mysterious and sudden thing you have no control over, and honestly for the most part it is, but that’s limerence, not love. Victor and Yuri actually fall in love and stay in love. Their lives are immeasurably better with the other person in it. They fill in each other’s spaces. 

Realistic portrayals of mental conditions: I stay away from saying mental illness because I think anxiety and depression are things most people experience at some point in their lives- some just have it to a deeper or lighter degree than others. Yuri and Victor are both high functioning- Yuri in his anxiety, Victor in his depression. A lot has been said about Yuri’s anxiety, especially given than he’s the narrator of 11/12 episodes, but I was actually hugely impressed by the nuanced and realistic depiction of Victor as a high functioning depressed person. He’s clearly bored and sad and lonely, hugely craving human connection and feeling cut off from people because of his godlike status: every connection he has is in relation to his sport, and they all want something out of him, so when he falls in love for the first time, he ends up becoming a coach because he thinks that’s all he has to offer Yuri to make him fall in love with him too. I honestly don’t think Victor has ever thought about being a coach, nor is he interested in staying one after Yuri: the entire thing was basically a crazy grand gesture to make the cute boy from the banquet fall in love with him (well, in his defense, it worked, so good job Victor). Victor’s only real connection seems to be to his dog, which struck me as enormously and terribly lonely. Hopefully we’ll learn more about his family in Season 2. 

Realism about bodies and how much fucking work it is to be hot: I just spent an hour and a half at the gym so this is on my mind LOL. Most anime and tv shows gloss over the sheer amount of work it actually takes to be a certain shape, and I already knew from episode one where Yuri gains weight after his depression from a seemingly endless onslaught of FML that I was in for the good shit. Any hot person you know who claims they just sit on the couch eating hot wings all the time is a goddamn liar. I’m no longer sample size because I don’t have time to spend 2-3 hours in the gym every single day and I like to have some fried chicken and chips and ice cream now and again. Now, I had some discussion with male friends when I forced them to watch it last week as to how feasible it was for Yuri to lose all that weight in basically a week, and they claim it’s doable / they’ve done similar before, but I think part of episode 1 shows Yuri as an unreliable narrator who seems to think he’s WAY fatter than he is (which is part of the nature of anxiety), so he was probably, like, in actually 10-15lbs or so heavier than his GPF weight vs how he’s portrayed in the anime in the comical fatty-fat-fatty sequences. Victor is also super cut but it looks like he’s always biking/skating when Yuri’s skating /probably spends a lot of time working out to keep that amount of muscle tone (he’s also clearly vain af so you better believe he is all about the gainz).

Body positivity about squishiness: And this is not in a pandering or condescending way. Victor is affectionately into Yuri’s squishy off-season tummy in the Yuri on Stage skit, and Yuri’s objections are only really that they’re in public and around other people while he’s playing with it. I always interpreted Victor’s saltiness about Yuri’s weight / forcing him to get back to his GPF weight when he first arrives in Hasetsu not as Victor actually caring about Yuri staying hot or not, but as Victor being a petty little bleep because he’s annoyed that he showed up just like Yuri asked and Yuri kind of ended up giving him a weird awkward cold shoulder instead of fucking him into the nearest mattress. And in any case, speaking of saltiness...

People can be petty af because they’re human: Victor is a lowkey asshole (the kind of person who’s so beautiful and talented they’ve been able to get away with just about anything because everyone gets blinded by lasers of HOT PERSON IS TALKING TO ME) but still immensely likeable. And Yuri is a lowkey asshole too- see his HAAAAH reaction to Victor’s baiting about past lovers, or his constant poking of Victor’s hair whorl. He’s really likeable too. Sometimes it’s ok to be petty af.

I really wish that a series like Yuri on Ice had been around in my formative years. One of the biggest reasons I love it so much is I feel like it can have such a positive influence on young people- on people who struggle with anxiety and depression, with people who struggle with simultaneously being on top of their game and not feeling good enough. More importantly, I think it gives a really great primer on the RIGHT way to be in love. My college best friend was a philosophy major and one of her professors once said in class “If it wasn’t for movies, no one would ever fall in love,” and looking back on toxic relationships I’ve been in and people I shouldn’t have slept with, it’s most likely I used tv and movies as a primer for what seemed like socially acceptable behaviour for love: tumultuous drama as PASSION, jealousy and possessiveness as being marked by a great love, sex as a substitute for emotional intimacy. Being older and wiser and through the gauntlet I know a lot more now about what’s good for me, but if I’d had something like Yuri on Ice back in my teens, I think I would have made some better decisions. So I’m glad a series like this is out there now. Hopefully it’ll make a new generation of young’uns (or even old’uns!) make better decisions than I did (well, most of them, anyway. I had a lot of fun, and you should too)