#but my body just . doesnt like it anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brother-emperors · 11 months

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ascanio and louis xii

so

Milan Undone, Contested Sovereignties in the Italian Wars, John Gagné

extremely bold of louis xii to assume that ascanio, who has a reputation for conspiracy, wouldn't turn around and say 'fuck you,' after all of that™

(Ibid.)

it IS funny how men in power keep thinking they can put him on a leash like, pal. the odds are NOT in your favor

#ludovico couldn't keep his brother on a leash what makes you think YOU can #(guiliano della rovere is excluded from this club bc he actually succeeded on that front but i dont respect him)#anyway you guys ever think about how ascanio just wanted to be in milan but the milan that was your home doesnt exist anymore #like you're never gonna be able to go back. and ludovico at one point made arrangements for ascanio's body #to be brought back to milan back when everyone thought he was going to die. but he's going to die in rome and he's staying there #augh. AUGH #actually the shift in the relationship between ludovico and ascanio from a general sense of unease to ludovico #wanting ascanio buried with his wife (and the scale of grief that ludovico had at the death of beatrice. oughhhh) is. oof #there's a second very Hm™ comparison here that i will bite my tongue on but it's also their parents fault for it. so.#drawing tag #italian renaissance tag #ascanio sforza #do i have a tag for louis xii. i know ive drawn him before. I HATE HIS HAIR. i might throw out referencing his historical portraits #entirely and just borrow a portrayal of him from television or something #i was not made to draw straight hair

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soldier-poet-king · 3 months

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Emotions. Attachment issues. Extremely clingy and needy. Would rather gnaw off my own arm that irl admit it. The distance and isolation. The. AHHHHHH insufferability of it all

#the duality of fran #idk of its February or depression or pmdd or yes to all #i am just . everything is so bad #i am going to put on tmg and do some physical rehousing. it needs to be done and i need to be out of my head #and tmg. oh mr darnielle. we're in it now.#reaching critical depression point where im too sad to do anything i love except watch tv #so maybe dungeon meshi tonight #it looks v fun and i still cant go back to snk #bc i still cant watch the ep where levi leaves erwins body #erwin is dead. levi has made his choice. but i know theres the scene with erwins body #and i just. cant do it yet #also i need to crochet. i have yarn and i can make hats to donate #i just. need the energy to learn.#i cant knit anymore bc it hurts my wrist #and i like to embroider but that doesnt help anyone

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wuntrum · 1 year

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How long have you been drawing the saints for girls? what are all the members like personality wise? :0

soooo saints for girls started out as a different little project right at the start of the pandemic (i was missing concerts a whole lot so i made up my own little band to play with like barbie dolls in my head lkjsdf), here's the original art of cass + frankie + ry + jas

buuut this version ^ of jas doesn't exist anymore (also that jas was the bassist lol), and vincent didn't exist yet...i drew them a little bit but never fully did much just because other stuff (college) kinda got in the way? (also their whole story was more concepty, like they were called whytokay like Y2k (because ry sees a vision of a future where music is outlawed and she has to put together this band to save the world, which still happens a little bit but not to this extent lol), and also that game YIIK got released and it made me really sour on that name LOL).

at the end of 2021 i wanted to revisit them and maybe design merch for my thesis in art school but i realized that if my professors tried to tell me what to do with them i would've killed everybody and then myself so <3 we didn't do that

and after the late summer of mcr i went back and really wanted to commit focus to them again :) jas 1.0 never really made much sense to me (honestly none of them are very fem, and just like where i'm at with my own life rn, i wanted them to be explicitly androgynous / genderqueer so.) jas 2.0 came about + i made vincent to kind of fill the pretentious void left by jas 1.0 LOLLL

so yeah ive been drawing them for almost 3 years now :3 but saints for girls as they exist today only came about in like october 2022. and for their personalities, i'm gonna put all the answers for the uquiz below because they're a pretty good starter for their personalities (still working on their Exact dynamics, so i don't wanna commit to anything more yet) (also spoilers for the uquiz lol)

#asks #saints for girls #my art #long post but i wanted to be thorough sldkjflsf #also changed rys hair from only pigtails -> mullet for versatility #it also just doesnt suit her vibe anymore to have them. and they were hard to draw #frankie also used to have blue in their hair which was fun #but idk theyre like a natural guy. minus the piercings. maybe someday for an album cycle theyll dye it again #OH also everyones body type was too similar before lol <3 thats a change for sure

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parchmentknight · 1 month

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CHARLES SMITH RED DEAD 2 UHHH

charles smith redemption two is just like me fr

#what is it called when u really vibe with a character and see urself in it #charles isnt my fav fav character but he is definitely the one that is most ME #i dont know what term tumblr uses anymore #anyways.#IM POC SEASIAN K. DONT GET ME WRONG IM BROWN #i too think about conserving nature and the ecosystems and the inportance of animals especially ones that resonate with my family #and the protection of cultural animals that are being killed off by poachers #and how silence is comfortable and doesnt always need to be filled and how my closest friends are comfortable with it too #and how hard it is to be good but u strive to be good in a cruel world anyways #and becoming a better person despite your traumas and the environment around you #and im hoping for a good ending... maybe a better one than charles' but a good one nonetheless #also his dry humour. miss throwing deadpan lines around my highschool teachers. doesnt happen in online asynchronous school :/#also he has body goals. man is BUILT and MAJESTIC i wanna be like that so freaking bad #rivera writes #charles smith #rdr2 #just personal rambles before i hit the hay #comic expo is in two days!!! tryna cop some red dead merch yk

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dexaroth · 5 months

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this was originally just gonna be a meme draw-over but since that requires yknow. drawing daron over it.. well i am incredibly tired and mentally exhausted of trying to redesign him for hours on end so ive settled on an alt. hes evil now. plus harlequin pattern for style points

#he's still blue tinted. could even be bluer if i feel like it #im not kidding with the tiredness by the way. 5 hours of bashing my head into the wall trying to come up with something that i like some ->#->3 days a week if not more. i dont have the braincelss for this anymore. ive fried them all over the years with redesigns #it unfortunately doesnt follow my rule of 'extremities should be similar to the main body' so that u can have an idea of how the body is if #>it's obscured (like if the face has stripes youd assume the body does too)..#if he was wearing long sleeved sweater and pants youd think hes entirely dark blue but the body is silver #in my mind the alt of this alt is just dark blue all over. ive seen some all-dark-blue ooak artdolls that made me go 'yeah thats me too'#dextxt #myart #ch:sona

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lovelyrotter · 4 months

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haldirk period sex. is this anything

#my t #common gross thing so im not using the ship tag #yknow what actually i know what yall like im gonna tag it #haldirk #dirkhal #cw menstruation #but they just seem to be the type to do that #hal being fascinated by blood is the core thing here #even tho menstrual fluid isnt like. actual blood. but yknow what i mean #but hes fascinated in the way that it keeps dirk alive and runs all through him and makes him warm #he loves dirks pulse bc he doesnt have one anymore #sometimes hal just wants to measure dirks pulse while theyre sitting together or cuddling. like he'll actually take a measuring #measuring your partners pulse as a form of deep intimacy >>>>>>#he loves feeling it where ever he can feel it on dirks body but especially from inside him #and dirks periods are fuckin miserable. they make his joints ache gives him migraines the whole deal #so sometimes he wants to warm hals synthetic dick and have it vibrate for a while #and hal likes the visual of both being in him and having smth that vibrantly red seep out of him w/o it being yknow a wound #hahaha...........i should write this

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the-kipsabian · 4 months

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#today was such a long fucking day and i was made so fucking uncomfortable i literally threatened to walk out of a fucking funeral #i got told im dressed inappropriately just because im perceived as a girl and i was wearing pants #PANTS.#theres no such thing as a funeral dress code that prevents me from wearing pants. people just didnt like it #i got told by two extended family members that i was inappropriate. and later also by my mom #who didnt say anything when they picked me up. it was fine by her at that time but later when others said it wasnt fine? yeah #im so fucking tired man #i know the extended half family doesnt like me ive always been a black sheep but this just. yeah #at a funeral no less #i dont want to see these people ever again im so fucking tired. i dont want to see anyone ever again tbh #just let me sleep forever and rot away please im tired #sorry my headache makes me angry and upset just. its all just so much #im just glad this whole hassle is over and i dont have to think about this anymore. but between all the stress and anxiety and grief #and everything else? yeah this. this aint it fam #im so mentally fucking shot i just want to sleep but my body is still kinda in a fight or flight mode with this and the grief its so hard #and my head hurts. so yeah. i dont fucking know #i just need someone to hold me before i combust #again sorry #night is an absolute mess on main

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faggotslime · 3 months

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having a burnout meltdown at work haha

#vent #i hate being autistic #im not built for this its so frustrating #i just want to be able to be 'normal' and regulate and just function but i cant #its not even a matter of willpower it feels like my body and my braon are giving up on me #ive been in a haze all fucking day and im dissociating so bad #i cant mask and i cant emote properly #i cant regulate myself enough to feel better because i dont have enough time to #i feel so pathetic even though i know im not #it doesnt matter in this type of society #im fortunate enough to have my license and 3 jobs but at the cost of my mental sanity #i start feeling better and by the end of the week i want to kill myself again #im aeverely dysregulated i feel like im gonna throw up i just want to fuck off in the woods #i dont wanna do this anymore #i want to be a bird and just get numed by an owl or falcon #i want to be part of the natural food chain and not forced to pander to capitalism to make scraps for the rest of my life #i never asked to be born i fucking hate it here

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cups-and-pentacles · 2 years

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it's gonna take a while to get used to this

#gravity falls #transcendence au #dipper pines #alcor the dreambender #post-transcendence obviously was rough for him but i mean #i think you're always aware of every little nuance of your body subconsciously #and having that recognition #and familiarity just.#suddenly stripped away #would be confusing n stressful.#'i know ___ like i know the back of my hand'#but he DOESNT .#his hands arent HIS anymore.#how can you see the world when you cant even see yourself #i have too many thoughts about this au dammit #anyways might color this later but my attention span Does Not Exist so who really knows

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nerosdayinanime · 7 months

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i no longer like the piece ive spent the last 9 hours on :( but at least i got a very nice naked sabito out of it (AWOOGA- i mean ahem. Nice)

#nudity #fratboy sabito posting #neros art tag #once again hit with my rule 'if giyuu isnt up to standard Scrap It'#its not so much a rule as it is /it just keeps fuckin happening/#i originally started this off with 'if i dont like this piece at least i-' but saying it made me realize it</3 i dont like it anymore</3 #giyuu wet beast<3 but his back? jank. his ass? jank. his face? jank. He Looks Bad #coloring the goo was fun tho- also i realized i had made giyuu blue sabito red and the goo Purple :) nice accidental symbolism #if only giyuu didnt look like a wet dog. tried to fix it a little by covering the bad parts with goo but he just doesnt fit w sabito's vibe #at least i got the other picture w them for it- im content with just that #even if giyuu looked bad- at the very least i got some more practice w full body anatomy. so.#and sabito #sabito<3 #would add more scars n shit but whatever its late #Enjoy

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vhvrs · 14 days

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op of that "read a book" post is a terf so deleting but reposting my lil rambles abt the panic in needle park novel

#bobby n helen swap who has the control whos hurting who whos manipulating who in the novel in a way that makes a lot of sense #vs the movie it feels more of bobby with helen swept up in things #you get the same twisted love tho but also its interesting that in the movie his anger is sparked by helen #selling her body like she needs to be punished narratively while book bobby certsinly minds but given she was #doing it b4 they even met he doesnt intrude n even encourages it fir his gain #again its bc the novel is obviously pulling from a direct relationship or bits of various ones the author was around #when he spent time in these circles vs the movie ends up needing a solid narrative #n seems more focused on a general anti drug message n thus naunce n grey areas arent so vital #tho this also calls up just how u read the movies ending #i took the ending to mean they're abt to restart the cycle all over again byt ive seen others disagree #ok im losing my train of thought.#i like that the novel is scatterbrained on purpose bc bobby n helen are scatterbrainwd living moment to moment w #no long term plans anymore even as theyre trying #its very bleak but thats the point #while ig the movie is bleak but w that potentially up hook at the end #shrugs

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pinayelf · 9 months

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#im super frustrated rn w my sweating #or i guess like feeling insecure bc of it #ive had hyperhidrosis all my life but now that im older and my hormones/body have changed #its just gotten worse #doesnt help that im on ssris #im so tired of sweating rly bad in the winter #i was able to find some temporary relief when i started using lume but maybe bc of switching to lexapro #or just more hormone weirdness it doesnt work for me anymore #I shower everyday and now id have to shower twice a day just cause sweating can get bad regardless the season #im just so so tired of sweating its sort of getting in the way of life w me not wanting to leave the house #things I wanna do #the exhausting business of it all #ugh

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toastsnaffler · 18 days

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yayy new undertale newsletter :-)

#cant sleep anymore so im just having breakfast now bc might as well #one of my coworkers had a papyrus shirt on the other day and i was like omg.. undyne-papyrus fan solidarity 💪💪💪💪#same guy who whistles tracks from the undertale ost in the lab sometimes 🫡#man i wish id slept better. i feel kind of terrible on meds in the afternoons when i havent slept well. not looking forward to that #not sure if this higher dose is interfering w my sleep bc i have been very anxious anyway.. but at least its friday #just gotta make it to tonight and if i dont sleep well again at least its the weekend so it doesnt matter as much #everything in my head is jumbled up and my body isnt cooperating with me aurggh. well what can u do #ill try and sleep for 15 minutes and if that doesnt work ill just play elden ring until i need to get ready for work #.diaries

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seedlessmuffins · 1 year

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#i think ive been burnt out for awhile #like exhausted nothing makes me happy anymore burnt out #i know i need to work to be able to afford things but it is so much and my job is so draining in every way #i feel guilty because i was late to work today i slept through my alarm #but it is because im so stressed all the time my body just doesnt respond anymore #ive worked like 8-13 hour days every day for the past two months and at this point im tired #i dont know if i can do this anymore but genuinely if i dont i will not be able to afford school next year #its a struggle #and then i feel guilty not answering texts or asks even though i love getting them and reading them #because i legitimately dont have the energy to reply #its also why ive been a bit less active but i dont have the energy for it #it makes me feel guilty which makes me feel worse and just sends me deeper into the spiral #it will get better but im not at the positivity place yet #it will get better but right now it fucking sucks and i am absolutely bone deep exhausted and tired of waking up #im in an ok place but i just need to be taken out of time for a bit #k.

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aria0fgold · 29 days

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Yaknow what yeah, I'm going to just keep my dear zombie-like OC's name as Leiano, it's a pretty neat name I think! And tbf it has a bit of a backstory on it... Basically made both the OC and the name on the spot yeeaarrs ago, I think I was around 17-18 then? I was playing those old browser zombie survival games while also playing the song "Lean On" in the background and so-- It resulted in an OC that is zombie-like and has a name practically based off of the song's title.

#aria rants #i keep saying zombie-like cuz hes a really odd case of one in the sense that he isnt fully a zombie but he is very much Dead #well ig he is a zombie in the sense that hes a living corpse but hes also human enough to retain his own self yk???#so ig i can just refer to him as a zombie although he doesnt rlly look like one but he is one so like-- quite the dilemma #he doesnt look like a rotting corpse anymore cuz the duo thats lookin after him has been maintaining his body #im repurposing two of my old ocs for the duo thatd be caring for dear leiano. lesbians if you will--#i can put my worldbuilding into the world where these ocs will be which is FUN! IVE BEEN WANTING TO DO WORLDBUILDING OF MY OWN #tho tbf i couldve just... revisited the old worlds ive made when i was younger buuuuuuuttttt i am the way that i am so instead #of properly and actually working on those worlds i am working on a new one cuz why not

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x---1999 · 1 month

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im really stuck with this life long feeling that im a bad person, even tho im actually really nice. im just not good at being a friend. cuz of my lack of emotions. so i just never talk to people. and i know that hurts them cuz ive felt that. which makes me think its better off if people didnt have me as a friend in the first place.

i wish people didnt like me so easily. i mean, its great for my ego, but so many people just get attached and i feel like i cant give them what they want.

i get so envious of those who have so much love to give in their heart.

#emo ass tumblr post for the night. fuuckkkkkk.#i was thinking about the people who've stopped talking to me and how much frustration that causes. and how ive done the same to others.#cycle of pain! wtf is wrong with us all!#its only happened like 3 times for me i think...at least its some kind of emotion.#the anger doesnt reach my body anymore. its just mental.

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