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it drives me cazy when people sincerely demand for prequel, sequel, and forevermore content, and to have every inch of every characters backstory and every piece of history expounded upon and to have it all answered by the powers that be.... is nothing sacred... that content is for playtimes in the garden ONLY!
#Egg.txt#but on a most serious note i dont really mind it when theres#like#canon-adjacent material that bigger fans can get into and those often present much better mediums for stuff like that - bc it CAN exercise#of funding#of appealing to general audiences#of it only ever being sth a diehard could love... whatever kooky shit... whatever#i dont rag on that.#but like why the hell do you need a fucking. succession prequel. that ruins it . jesus christ
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HELLO VIVY!!!! I WISH THAT YOUR WORK WILL GET THE LOVE IT DESERVES! It's nice to see you here! <3 Congratulations!
I was just gonna ask if you have any headcanons about Fredrinn from mlbb? If you don't know anything about him its no problem you dont need to answer, most of the players are not interested in him 😭
THE HEADCANON CAN BE ABOUT ANYTHING! Anything you have in your mind! (Theres no enough content about him im hungry) HAVE A NICE DAYYY (*´︶`*)ฅ♡
Notes: Aaaah my first MLBB request omggg!! But fr!! Fredrinn is such an amazing character, it's such a pity that most aren't too interested in him :( Also, the layout is so ugly oh my gosh.
Character: Fredrinn Vance
Genre/Type: Headcanons
Fredrinn Vance
Fredrinn is a man known for being an excellent appraiser. He is capable of determining the worth of something with just a quick glimpse.
He is also known for his realistic and candid behaviour.
May appear scary to most, but in reality, he's really goofy and impulsive with people he's close to!!
Would call you up saying he has an amazing idea, but it's the stupidest, riskiest, and most unnecessary mission he planned for funsies.. There's actually something to gain in it but he's gonna GATEKEEP THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF IT AND HE'LL BE REALLY CHEAP WHEN COMPENSATING YOU
Actually pretty nice and socialises, but he scares people when he "looks for friends."
By nice, I meant he'd do you lots of favours, but he'd count every single one of them, and you'd end up owing him a lot since he also added an interest that you were also not made aware of.
^ Remember the time he helped you pick up something you dropped? Yeah, that wasn't for free. Yep, no, nuh-uh, you owe him now.
His views and morals are pretty complex.
Is against House Vance's greediness, but at the same time, he also likes having money and property.
If you actually ask him for something, he's only down if the money's ready.
Sometimes he actually acts decent, though, and will get you something or do something for you without charging you a month's worth of rent.
^ Kinda rare tho
I don't know about you guys, but I feel like he'd be the type to think he's smart and "act smart," when in reality he's unironically one of the dumbest dumbfucks to roam the world.
His fridge is almost empty and he has weird eating habits.
He thinks he's hot shit when, in reality, he's a goofy hypocrite at times..
Wants to be serious and promotes seriousness, but would dogshow and embarrass you in front of people for his own entertainment.
He sometimes, unironically, does the strawberry cow skip. LMFAO I'M SORRY FOR THIS ONE
Once tripped while trying to walk cool when he was younger.
His jokes have such bad timing that it makes your head hurt sometimes.
VERY DRAMATIC, THINKS EVERYTHING HAS A HIDDEN MEANING AND THAT PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO BEEF WITH HIM. 😭
#mobile legends bang bang#mobile legends#mlbb#mobile legends x reader#mobile legends bang bang x reader#mlbb x reader#fredrinn
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GOODMORNING ITS TRIVA TIIIIME
EPISODE 29 TRIVIA:
- they actually rerecorded this episode. bizly wanted dakotas lesson to be strategy so ORIGINALLY they were fucking. playing chess. for two hours. according to charlie "they had chess dot com open. I don't know where condi was but I was physically prone on the other side of my room like hiding behind something" SO THEY HATED IT. AND THEN RERECORDED IT AND ENDED UP WITH THIS.
- DAKOTA IS OFFICIALLY 18. HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY. really funny that this happens in the hyperbolic time chamber where time in the real world doesn't actually move.
- THERES ART FOR THE BOULDER THING !!!! ITS AWESOME I LOVE THEM
- grizzly: "in the beginning were you guys told to tell me that you were quitting the Prime defenders?"
condi: "no, not at all. that just came out naturally I think"
charlie: "I was so sad to see how heartbroken dakota got at that"
EXPLANATIONS:
condi: "I mean vyncent doesn't really... get it. a lot of hardship has come from being the prime defenders I don't think he sees it as worth all that. dont worry i dont think this is a permanent state of mind for vyncent, hes a malleable little boy, but its where hes at right now. itll change with time but right now hes a little jaded"
charlie: "williams whole plan was, now that he's basically wisp-free and given a new lease on life (< side note. phrase that causes me harm specifically) his plan was to find a way to return this smoke soul and help save ashe and then after that.. who knows"
- dakota ended that scene with "I never wanted to do it alone" and that's what gave him the idea to have them help him with the boulder. he didn't want to do it alone
- the only reason william is still here at all is because of dakota and vyncent. if they weren't here he would've been gone ages ago
- YIPPEE. YOU GET TO SEE JASON ORIGAMI FINALLY. 3/3 OF THE PRIME FORCE COLLECTED. HI JASON <3
- THEY KEEP QUOTING ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN IN REFERRNCE TO WILLIAM. DO THEY WANT ME DEAD.
- chaos beano :]
- cue anime talk for like 10 minutes. prime defenders the weeb podcast ever <3
- OK AWESOME. BIZLY TALKING ABOUT THE CHAOS DEMON: "the way it kinda works is like... the chaos demon lost all sense of personality. yknow it was a soul at one point, but the longer you're in a place like where he was, you just lose what makes you you. imagine you're in a place where people are screaming all the time and you don't even know if the screams are coming out of your own mouth and it's just eternal nothing and everything (< horrifying!). and then when he latched onto you, dakota, it became like feeding off of your negative emotions"
- "What is dakotas worst fear personified? Who is dakota afraid of the most?"
grizzly DOES NOT ANSWER THIS >:| however he does say "it was a really good choice to show him the fall right away. had he not turned into le frog I think I would've played dakota a lot more serious. but because it went from the fall to doug to le frog *then* to ashe, I think it just pissed him off more than it scared him"
- "people try to scare us by looking like ashe a lot"
"okay, no, its only been TWO people and one of them IS ASHE."
- charlie: "yeah I was nervous about that encounter considering I looked at my sheet and all I have is a chainsaw and a shotgun in the middle of an active volcano"
- charlie slime has put together a william playlist it's it's my life mission to find it now. I found the ashe playlist I can do this. I need to judge his music taste.
- theyre talking about jason dying in one of the big darkstar battles and everything and grizzly goes "wow it's crazy how dakota was there and saw all of that"
HELP THAT'S SO FUNNY. frankly i would love to see the two hour chess hell session that's so funny to me oh my god. ALSO DAKOTA 18 WHOOOO he can get shot now!!! great!!
literally took so much psychic damage over the quitting the prime defenders talk. head in hands. im so ill over them... oh boy can't wait to see william stay wisp free and enjoy his new lease on life and be a normal uneventful teenager again !! im sure thats what the next few episodes are about!! ^__^;;
but mac he's literally an angel with a shotgun fighting til the wars done!! he wants to live not just survive!!!
prime defenders weeb podcast of all time... were they talking about one piece. thats my guess. one piece & dragon ball. also the more they talk about chaos demons the worse it is!!! fucked up!!! especially with the new knowledge from the oneshot etc! can't wait for someone to get tossed in there!!
all he has is a chainsaw and a shotgun in the middle of an active volcano.... i love u william wisp. god. also PLAYLIST... good luck finding it....
#MAN. wild episode the oneshot was also wild the fifteen minutes that i got into 30 so far are also fucking wild !!#i feel like i just got like five lore & worldbuilding sandbags dropped on me...#anyway HI gm!! ^__^#pd lb#mac tag!
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Hi hella!!!
I feel like i always start these off or end them by saying that these things are going to be incomprehensible in some way, mainly bc i have trouble translating whats going on in my mind into written words so i really dont know how much of my list thingies make sense to you but this one is especially probably going to not make much sense. (also bc i send them a lot when im either very tired or not sober, but i am sober and wide awake rn so this might be a different kind of incomprehensible)
I found one of my old drafts for an ask from around a year ago and it was a follow up response to the last chapter you posted at the time, so im not sure how its going to sound without the context of that specific chapter, but i also mentioned in one of my other asks that i add stuff in last minute and that ask i added a shit ton of stuff so i dont have any of that pretyped out so im going by memory. But im sending it again bc i havent seen you answer it
(please do not interpret this as ‘why didnt you answer my ask >:/’ or me rushing you to answer asks or anything like that, but like I said its been a year so im assuming tumblr ate it. If not and you just havent cleaned out your ask box and you find the original, congratulations you’ll know what i originally said. Bc idk how accurate this will be)
SO
Theres two different ways that you seem to write metaphors (idk if thats what theyre called im not caught up on my literary terminology)
(im scrolling through your blog rn looking for my other asks and tumblr really did you dirty in your asks system like i started scrolling and the third one down was from 2021 and im fighting for my life trying to find my tag (thank you for my tag btw its very useful to me))
Anywho, most of your metaphors ( to me) can be split into two categories. Theres the simple ones and the complex ones. Now this might seem obvious but im going to explain to you how these have different effects on my brain.
An example of the ‘simple’ ones is
““If Nanook’s tone had a note of seriousness, then Zuko’s was the entire orchestra.”” (idk what chapter this is from its been a while)
You have a lot of these kinds of whatever the haick kind of literary technique this is (is this a metaphor i’ve been trying to google it for like ½ an hour and i cant figure it out) BUT these type of things that are simple and easy to process is one of my favorite things about the way you write. I think this is a very common technique but the way you do it to me is just a lot more unique than the ways ive seen it done before. Its extremely fluent with the voice of the characters and brings a perfect kind of vibe to the ‘conversation’ (or story, text, whatever) and it paints the picture of what your trying to say perfectly. I also really like how these types of things arent ever in Zukos pov a lot (sometimes it is, but not nearly as much, I’ve noticed) and its not in the more serious like revelations that you drop these in. Like I said, it adds to the voice of the characters, bc of the contrast of Zuko constantly having revelations and dramatic archs and stuff, and the other characters just in general being a lot more calm. Its like when youre listening to a song and you have the lyrics and the like ‘main’ music behind the lyrics, but then when you listen to the song a lot you notice the smaller, like backup music that adds a lot to the song and makes it a lot more enjoyable than if it was just the lyrics and the louder more up front music.
Then in contrast you have the bigger ‘metaphors’
An example of this is ‘You curse in words already invented’
THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE ENTIRE FIC.
OF ANY FIC OR BOOK EVER READ
AND THIS IS WHY
When I tell you I could not figure out what this meant for months I am AWFUL with stuff like this and interpreting it my english teachers hate me bc of it. Id have the question ‘why were the curtains blue’ and my answer would be ‘bc the people who decorated the room like blue maybe theyre interior designers and it goes with the room 😊 and thats so hot of them bc i love blue too’
But even thought i couldnt figure it out it stayed in my head and i probably thought about it once a day (i mean this literally, i think about that part all the time) and i cant remember the context for that or anything but i do remember that i knew it was a wonderful phrase.
I’ve mentioned in my other asks how whenever im reading anything at all that you’ve written (whether its tams, or toab, or in the tags of something even if its like 10 words), everything you type comes out so fluidly like a formula or a color wheel or however i put it last time i talked about this. And this is on the prodigious end of the spectrum of this.
But phrases like that are another part of the fic, theyre like the lyrics of the song. Like the phrases that gets all the attention and gets put in fanart and that gets quoted in comment sections because they deserve that recognition and you deserve that recognition and are just a reminder of how incredibly talented you are.
I mean that in the most sincere way that i know how to express.
I am constantly in awe of you and your writing style, and i really do think of you as one of the most talented writers of everything ive ever read.
And something else worth mentioning is that it isnt just your ao3 that portrays that. Like if I were to just read your ao3 I’d be like ‘oh wow this person is an amazing writer’ But your tumblr persona plays into it a lot more (In my opinion). Because then you see like more ‘backround’ stuff on ao3. And more of your system (im not articulating this in the way i mean it very well) and you get privy to the fact that you’re not a 30 year old with a masters in english and that you’ve never had any formal education on writing. I vaguely remember you talking about a story about a sailor (??? i might be misremembering that) that you wrote when you were a child and thinking ‘oh wow so she’s always been like that’. And its stuff like that that you dont get on ao3 that kind of reaffirms how incredible of a writer you are.
And this (to me) makes you a really easy person to admire. (ik i touched on this in a different ask but i dont remember if it was one of my list asks or not) but as someone who probably isnt going to ever be able to get an education around writing, it kind of reassures me that i dont need that to be great at it.
(i kind of feel like a lot of the stuff in this ask is too like ‘simple’ or obvious to be given a lot of weight, but this whole thing is about the kinds of things you do that brings me personally joy and the metaphors are one of them so)
Also on an off note when i was looking through your asks to try to find my tag, I noticed that i send you a heavy percentage of your anonymous asks (mainly without my alias) and I thought that was funny. But also i hope it doesnt come across as obsessive or weird, I swear i do that to a lot of people on here, I’m just a very social person. .😂
Also Im in your tbos server (lurking in the shadows) and someone pointed out that whenever you do the reaction emojis you always do the white ones, and thats going on the official ‘my favorite things about hella’ list because that was genuinely one of the funniest things ive seen.
Also the ‘anytime you type its very fluid (im too lazy to scroll up and see how i put it rn) also carrys on to discord. I think that i could probably block out the user names and be able to figure out that its you talking every time, you have a very distinct way of talking.
Also i wanted to mention that every time you answer these i read them again and i want to say like 1/3 of what i sasy, i have no recollection of. And i never have any idea what im talking about. so i think thats funny.
LIST ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN BAWLING MY EYES OUT HELLO BABY WELCOME BACK FROM WAR IVE MISSED YOU IM JUST HERE LIKE THIS RN
#this is so something i needed to hear rn bc always during exam season i 'lose' my ability to write like even the writing i do get done#just feels so fucking stale and awful imo and i just have to force myself to push through or else ill have a crisis about it#so i started studying in DECEMBER and it's now almost february exams are done but i CANT get out of that mindset for some reason#like ive been in a really bad writing flunk where im ABLE to write but the stuff i do write just feels genuinely terrible#like im losing it about dog teeth atm bc this story i was so in love with just feels so basic and underwhelming on a reread#and idk how much of that is me being insane and perfectionist and how much is valid criticism#so being told that actually there are people who not only enjoy my writing but are so thoroughly convinced it's a fundamental part of me#and something i am inherently GOOD at to the point even the way i talk CASUALLY is telling of it is just. oughhh im pacing my room#and the fact it doesn't HAVE to be my pretentious prose shit sometimes the more 'basic' stuff is STILL good. you're in my walls#i cant believe you're in the discord i hope you say hi!!! i dont bite!!! <- lying#also those assholes can take my silly white emojis from my COLD DEAD HANDS. white thumbs down will never die#ask#list anon
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seven!!!
artist ask game
7. who are some artists that have inspired you?
I HAD TO SIT AND THINK ABT THIS ONE ITS SUCH A HARD QUESTION... hmmm....
if were talking about art that has influenced my art then its hard to say for sure. i think when i first got involved in certain internet circles and started finding more enjoyment (?) in art, i was really into touhou, madoka magica (WITCHES!!!) and rpg horror (including ynfgs) so i was drawing a lot of frills, ribbons and blood/gore... nowadays i mostly draw and post much tamer stuff but i would like to go back and draw some good horror one day 👍
im quite a fan of the old school ace attorney art style... it may be kind of ugly at times but it has charm... im also a big fan of animated 2d sprites in vns... i like the fact that its not as same facey as the newer aa games, but most of all i like the fact that its not too stylized, but still very expressive, so it really fits both the lighthearted and serious scenes in the games.
ive also watched death note recently and ive been so obsessed with takeshi obatas art that ive considered buying his art book... id love to have my art look like that - not extremely stylized but with a lot of attention to detail (clothes..!!)... and i also loved how all the death note art was thematically consistent, the concept was clear, its something that catches my eye in every work...
but to be honest, the art that catches my eye the Most is the art that looks nothing like mine... i really really like super stylized, brightly colored, thick lined pieces! the first thing that comes to mind is the art in rhythm heaven by ko takeuchi and also work by baron ueda... i dont think my art could look like that even if i tried but i just love looking at it!
theres also some other artists on tumblr and other social media that i admire the art of, but im way too shy to tag them 😭
#this is already such a long answer but im sure theres more i forgot to mention#i liked um. k*keguruis thematic consistency but the rest is a mess so i wouldnt put it on the list LMFAO it was a dark era for me#OH ALSO. k.dees idv dolls had AMAZING designs its really a shame...#TY FOR SENDING
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“it’s not that important”
Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important
AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there
This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much
oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy
Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.
-
“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.
Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”
Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?”
You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.
He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.
“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.
Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.
“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.
The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.
His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.
“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.
“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.
Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.
“No, most people find me hilarious...”
You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.
“‘M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.
“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.
You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.
He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”
“What?”
“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”
“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.
“Mostly?”
“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”
He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.
You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.
When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.
Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.
Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.
“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”
Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”
“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.
“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.
“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.
“Okay, let’s go.”
He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.
The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.
After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.
“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”
You can only hum in response.
Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.
“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.
“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”
“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”
He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”
“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”
He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”
“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”
“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”
“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”
Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.
“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.
Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”
You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.
“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”
“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”
“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.
-
Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.
Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”
“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.
He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”
“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”
He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.
Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.
“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.
Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.
“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.
He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.
“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.
Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.
“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.
“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.
He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.
Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.
“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.
Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.
Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”
You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.
“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.
Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.
A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.
A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.
The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.
“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?” Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.
“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.
“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”
“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”
“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”
You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.
“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.
“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.
-
Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.
The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.
One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.
No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.
Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.
“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.
“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.
You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.
-
After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.
You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.
“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.
The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.
Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”
“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.
“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.
“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.
“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.
“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.
There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.
“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.
Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.
“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”
“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.
After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.
“Why are you here?”
“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.
“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.
“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”
“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.
The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.
-
When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.
“Hey.”
You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”
“Okay.”
Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.
It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.
Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.
When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.
Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.
You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.
After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.
“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.
Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”
Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.
Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.
“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.
“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”
“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.
“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.
“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.
Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.
You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.
Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.
But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.
You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.
-
It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”
“You weren’t answering your phone.”
“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”
“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.
He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.
“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”
He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.
When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.
You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”
“Alright.”
“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.
“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”
He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”
“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”
Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.
“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.
He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”
“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”
He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”
“I would have told you.”
“Sure.”
“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”
“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.
“I thought you said this was just sex?”
You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.
He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.
“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”
The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.
-
It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.
He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.
Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”
The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.
You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.
For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.
It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.
Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.
“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.
“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.
“I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”
“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.
“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.
“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.
Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”
“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.
When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.
“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.
The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.
“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.
“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.
A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:
“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”
Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.
“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”
His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.
After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.
“Mitch.”
“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.
“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.
“What is going on with you and Harry?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”
You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.
“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.
“I wouldn’t put it like that…”
He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.
“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”
“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.
“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.
You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.
Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”
Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”
“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.
“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”
“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.
“What?”
“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.
You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,” you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.
��He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”
“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.
“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”
Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he
showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.
Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”
Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.
“Mitch...I have to go.”
He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.
You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.
“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.
“Pardon?”
“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”
Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.
“It’s not that simple…”
“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”
“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Plans can change, Harry.”
You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.
His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.
“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.
You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.
“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.
He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”
He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.
-
#fallinharry10k#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x reader#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#harry styles fan fic#harry styles fluff#harry styles smut#harry styles angst#long one shot#first fic in awhile#pls lemme know what you think#I've missed putting work out#im equally nervous and excited#harry styles one shot#harry styles oneshot#harry styles imagine#am I forgetting tags??#can't remember#oh well#def meant to call this keep it forever but forgot#oops#also lots of mitch#bc I love Mitch Rowland with my whole heart
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Hi! I really enjoyed that TikTok hcs you just posted so I was wondering if I could request some for Ushijima, Suna, and Iwaizumi about that TikTok challenge where the boys are doing something (playing video games or studying) and the girl is trying to cuddle them? Plus some cuddling hcs if you don't mind. Thank you very much and I hope you have a good day!
Clinging onto your boyfriend while he’s distracted (Tik Tok challenge)
Characters: Wakatoshi Ushijima, Rintaro Suna and Hajime Iwaizumi
Scenario: your boyfriend is busy but you distract them by clinging on to their lap to see how he’d react.
A/n: hi thank u so much for requesting!!! 💙 these tik tok challenges have been my favorite to write haha. I hope you enjoy reading ❤️
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Wakatoshi Ushijima
You’re hanging out in your boyfriends room while he finishes studying for an upcoming exam
You’re scrolling on Tik Tok when you stumble on a video of a girl trying her best to get her distracted boyfriend’s attention
As you watch you slightly laugh, thinking this is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen
your attention is caught when you hear your boyfriend sneeze,
Looking over you smile to yourself and think you want to try what you just saw on the video, but with your own boyfriend who was indeed distracted right now
At first you’re reluctant to try, because you don’t want to bother him while he studies
But then you remember that Toshi is a big softie for you, so the worst that could happen is he just asks you to leave him alone lol
Putting your phone down you make it over to your boyfriends desk
You shyly stand beside him for a moment before he notices you
Turning around to look towards you, Ushijima gives you a soft smile, “hi love, is everything okay?”
You nod your head as Ushijima pulls you closer to him so you’re now standing in between his legs.
“Yes, Im just bored.” You reply
“Im almost done babe, give me like an hour. ”
As he turns around to start working again you begin to adjust yourself on his lap
A bit confused he lets out a small chuckle
You still say no words as you continue to wrap your body against his, nuzzling your face into his neck
Ushijima doesn’t say anything, instead he takes in your embrace and lightly begins to caress the top of your head
He lets you remain on his lap for a moment, but you're happy enough with his reaction and decide not to bother him any further
You try getting off his lap but as you do Ushijima’s hold on you tightens, preventing you from moving
“where are you going?” He asks you with the most loving expression
Your eyes soften at his gaze, “i don't want to distract you, so i'll just wait until you're done.”
With no warning Ushijima stands up, still holding you, he’s now carrying you towards his bed
“i can take a break.” He says as he gently begins to adjust your bodies on the bed
Now laying down you snuggle further into your boyfriends arms, whom happily reciprocates with a warm embrace
theres a brief silence while you two cuddle for a moment, until you break it
“im sorry I distracted you Toshi.”
“dont be. I missed you too.” He responds, kissing you softly on the forehead
You smile brightly at his response leaning forward to leave a small kiss on his lips
He gladly reciprocates, smiling into the kiss.
You guys spend the next two hours wrapped in each others warmth.
Rintaro Suna
You spent the whole day with your boyfriend Suna, running errands
Upon arriving home, Suna made his way over to his Playstation, quickly turning on the game
You subtly roll your eyes, not truly bothered because honestly at this point you were used to Suna playing his video games
You make your way over to the living room and start watching Tik Toks on your phone
You watch a video where the girlfriend sat on her boyfriends lap while he was gaming , and the reaction was very funny to you
After watching the video, you wondered how your boyfriend would react if you did the same thing
So you decided to try it out yourself
Walking back in the room you can hear your boyfriend talking to his friends through the mic,
You quickly make your way over to your boyfriend and begin to crawl into his lap
Suna is caught very off guard and begins to freak out because your body was in the way of the screen and he couldn’t see
“woah woah babe, hold up I cant see.”
You ignore him and chuckle to yourself continuing to wrap your body around his
Once you’re seated on his lap he doesn’t mind your presence at all.
He actually liked having you on him while he played
Every time he ended a match he looked towards you and kissed you softly on the lips
Although you were enjoying being in the arms of your boyfriend you were starting to get bored, and wanted to get off
So once again you shift to begin to stand up,
“wait. Stay.” Suna says, his gaze still on the tv
You let out a small laugh, “baby I’m bored, I’m gonna go watch a movie or something.”
Suna removes his gaze from the tv for a split second, only to look at you with soft eyes, “im almost done, this is the last match, I promise.”
You totally give in in his request and give him a small kiss on the cheek, as a form of saying you agree
After the game is over, Suna says his goodbyes and turns off the console
Looking over to you, still sitting in his lap, he can help but stare in awe
“im surprised you wanted to be with me while I gamed. You never do.”
“i love being with you Rin.” You chuckle out
Quickly his grip around you tightens and he leans in to give you a long kiss, you reciprocate right away
Pulling away he speaks again “”okay so lets go watch that movie you want to watch.”
Your face brightens with a smile and you quickly get up to get everything ready
Now you’re happily cuddled in your boyfriends arms, watching your favorite movie
Although you know he’s not paying much attention (you can tell by the fact he’s kissing you every 5 minutes lol) this is your favorite position to be in
Your legs tangled with eahother and your face briefly on the nape of his neck, you wouldn’t want it any other way
Hajime Iwaizumi
Iwaizumi was busy looking over some notes that were important for his next game
Any time he’d be occupied you never distracted him, you weren’t really a clingy girlfriend
So when you saw that there was a trend going around where the girlfriend clings on their boyfriend while he was busy
You thought it’d be amusing to see how your boyfriend would react
You look over to where your boyfriend is sitting and notice he’s peacefully flipping through pages
Walking over to his desk Iwaizumi immediately notices your presence
He looks back at you and begins to speak “hey angel do you ne-“
Before he can even finish his sentence he’s cut off by you crawling into his lap
He’s caught off guard at first, but instantly he wraps his arms around you to tighten your hold on him
You begin laughing as he begins prepping your face with small kisses
Pulling away he looks at you with soft eyes “what’s the matter angel, you missed me already?”
“yes” you say as you begin to nuzzle your face further into his neck.
“okay.” He says as he lightly takes you off “lets go hang out.”
“but what about your notes?”
“i could take a break.”
You smile at your boyfriend as he holds his hand out for you to take.
As soon as you do he instantly brings your body towards his to wrap you in a giant hug
You laugh at his sudden movements, but its evident in your face you’re really happy
Laying down on the bed he pulls your body to be on top of his and kisses you once again
Pulling away he talks “ you’re the prettiest girl I know.”
You blush at his words “oh shut up.” You jokingly say
“im serious,” he chuckles out “you are.”
You drop your body on his and continue to hold him while he tightens the embrace
You can hear the sound of his heart beat, and you can’t help but feel calm
“Iwa.” You whisper
“yeah?”
“im sorry I distracted you from your work, but can we stay like this for a while?”
He lovingly looks down at you. “don’t be sorry, I love being here, with you.”
You look up at him and gently kiss him on the lips as you wrap your body further into his
Wrapped in his arms you forgot this was a challenge altogether
But you were very grateful you tried it out,
Because you couldn’t have asked for a better reaction
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#haikyuu blog#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu! x reader#haikyuu!!#haikyuu boys#haikyuu x y/n#hajime iwaizumi x reader#ushijima x reader#suna rintaro x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu drabbles
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i would love to hear more about legends and warriors friendship
BOY HOWDY HERE WE GO! yall enable me smh
- legend did Not like warriors when they first met. hed definitely go a bit too far in insults (tho he kinda did that w most of them), though it was mostly jabs about military things and less about warriors himself
- when warriors starts playing along and lightheartedly answering legend's jabs back cues the start of a ~ beautiful friendship ~ and legend eases up on his more genuine insults
- legend and warriors end up having late night conversations when one of them is awake during the other's shift. its not rare for it to happen by any means, but it is uncommon so they enjoy the time when they can. this is usually when more of the more delirious comments and banter comes out to play. its one of those talks you have with your friend at 1-6am that starts with casual conversation, takes a sharp turn to trauma, and then dissolves into sleepy delirium
- sometimes they're just sitting together silently at night and one of them catches the other's eye and they both start fucking cackling for no reason. they settle down and then one of them fuckin giggles and they dissolve into a fucking fit of laughter again until someone tells them to shut up. (they do not shut up.)
- they fight so seamlessly together. its REALLY damn cool. you could swear theyve done this before, but in reality they just understand what the other person is thinking and a Look one of them shoots at the other just kinda spells everything out. all the plans and ideas - they know each other well enough to adapt to what the other person is doing and they definitely trust one another to pull off some of the more crazy stunts legend or warriors have thought up during a battle. if one of them says "duck" they do not fucking hesitate.
- very quickly, though not very easily, warriors becomes one of the first people legend goes to to confide in. if he does not want something sugarcoated, warriors is (one of) his best bets for that. it also goes the other way - legend does not sugarcoat anything and will readily tell warriors if hes being stupid.
- they both are very good at balancing seriousness and lighthearted comments, but theyre also capable of being Very Serious if a situation calls for it.
theres a moth in my fucking room. help
- warriors is very aware that legend could absolutely beat his ass. warriors is VERY aware that legend, when the vet is In The Zone, could absolutely fuck every single one of them up. he is very supportive of him. hes also very glad legend is on their side, especially when he witnesses the guy absolutely knock out a few black blooded monsters on his own.
- legend has definitely beaten warriors ass in many spar sessions and warriors always says he cheats or fought dirty. legend disagrees <3 u just suck, bro, get good :///
- warriors and legend bet but most of the time neither of them actually follow through with the bet's prize so sometimes theyll come up with the funniest fucking prizes and then say shit like "hey you owe me fifty bees, remember?" or "you still owe me half your inventory" or "dont i get to have the next [sweet food/good item] you get/are given?"
- just wait til you hear about the time warriors got legend to go swimming/run around with him in the rain. (not a lightning storm, but it was heavy rain. its very nice btw.)
- just wait til you hear about the time legend got warriors to sneak into the castle with him. (common, legends done it loads of times. he deserves it. fable doesnt mind anyway)
what else could i add. idk. i could definitely go on and on but i will spare you.
legend and warriors are best fucking friends. thanks for coming to my tedtalk i finished typing all of this at 1:23am what a nice note to end on KJGFFD
#ask#anonymous#if u want more i am willing#i have many thoughts abt wars and legend#theyre literally the best of bros#im running out of top of the head headcanons#so if u want more maybe indulge me with questions to answer#hc tag
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rent a gf - two eren yeager x reader
word count: 2.9k
warnings: mentions of sex, talks about "getting bitches", eren is an idiot, fuckboy!eren implied, tatbilb mention, uhh fluff idk theres not much to warn abt in here, not beta read
notes: chapter two is out! i'm really glad a lot of people are enjoying rent a gf. it really means a lot! i see some people commented on the previous chapter, and i would love to reply to them, but i'm not familiar with tumblrs commenting system D: if you wanna leave a comment for me to just read, that's fine you can still keep commenting here on tumblr. but if you would like me to reply to it, you can comment on ao3, and i will reply! happy reading :) p.s, waffles w whipped cream r so much better
[ read on ao3 ]
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In the early hours of Saturday morning, you felt a hand shaking your shoulder to wake you. Groaning and mumbling, you sleepily swatted the hand away and pulled the covers over your head. No one should be forced to wake up early on the weekends. It was Saturday, for fucks sake. Not to mention your hangover due to last nights mistakes was making your head throb.
The hand rested on your shoulder once more, shaking you gently. “(Y/N),” Mikasa said softly. “Your alarm has been going off for the past 10 minutes. Wake up. I have water and Advil.”
“Nooooo,” you moaned, snuggling deeper into your bed. “Don’ wanna.”
Mikasa stopped bothering you for a moment, and you let your guard down. Finally you could sleep. When it was time to wake up, you’d wake up.
Right as you were about to pass out again, your blanket was roughly tugged off of you. “Mikasaaa!” you whined, covering your face with your hands. “What was that for? I was trying to sleep.”
“Get up. You have to shower and get ready for lunch with Eren today. Breakfast is almost finished,” she explained, setting down the pills and water on your bedside table. “Go brush your teeth and wash your face so you can eat. Now,” she instructed sternly, moving to your window to open the curtains. The bright sunlight hit your still half-asleep face, making you hiss quietly.
She left the room moments after, probably to check up on breakfast. Honestly, you didn’t know how she could function this early in the morning despite having partied all night last night. Curse her and her inability to get hungover.
Grumbling to yourself, you adjusted your sleep clothes that had gotten disheveled overnight to make sure you looked decent. Your sleepy gaze wandered over to your nightstand to see two Advils on a napkin beside a glass of cold water. Thanking every higher power for sending Mikasa to you, you downed both pills and the glass of water. Even though you might bitch and moan to her constantly, you really weren’t lying when you said you’d die without Mikasa.
After sitting down at the edge of your bed for a few moments, you eventually shuffled into the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your morning routine. It took longer than usual thanks to your sluggish and tired movements, but you got done nevertheless.
A wonderful aroma came from the kitchen when you left, stomach grumbling in anticipation for the wonderful food you were about to scarf down. Mikasa was in the process of setting down both your breakfasts on the island, sitting down on the stools when you walked in. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” she greeted, resting her chin on her hands.
“Morning, sweet angel,” you replied, sitting at the stool beside her. In front of you was a plate of Funfetti pancakes with whipped cream instead of maple syrup (syrup was for pancakes only). There were a couple of cut up fruits beside them, too. “Where did you get these?” you asked, picking up your fork to take a bite of your breakfast.
Mikasa dug into her own breakfast of oatmeal as soon as you started eating. “Went grocery shopping and saw the mix in the baking aisle. I thought you’d like it,” she explained, taking a bite of her food. “Good?”
Your response was a moan, tilting your head back as you chewed. “Insanely,” you said, cutting up another bite. You stabbed the piece with your fork and guided it to Mikasa, keeping your hand under it to catch anything if it dropped.
She finished her bite and leaned in to take the bite, humming in satisfaction at the taste. “Good,” she nodded.
“They put like crack ‘n this shit,” you said through a full mouth, shoveling forkful after forkful into your mouth.
You could feel Mikasa's judging gaze for eating like a pig, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was eating these crack laced waffles as greedily as possible. “What time are you supposed to meet Eren today?” she asked to make conversation.
You remember drunkenly slurring to her that Eren was supposed to take you out for lunch today while she was trying to put you to bed. All she did was nod and dodge your flailing limbs while she tried to change you into your night clothes.
“Uhhh,” you trailed off, “I dunno actually. I think he’s gonna text me when.” The familiar notification from your phone indicated you had a text from Eren. “Right now.”
ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:04 AM picking u up at 12 dont be late
you - 9:04 AM k
ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:05 AM dont use k with me that makes me sad :(
you - 9:05 AM k
“He says 12,” you told Mikasa, setting your phone back down on the table. You went to go take another bite of your waffles, only to be met with stray bits of whipped cream and waffle crumbs. How disappointing.
“You have time to get ready then,” she said, finishing up the last bit of her own breakfast. Holding her plate, she got up to go put it in the sink, taking your plate for you as well. Literally an angel.
Suddenly, she leaned in to sniff you like the weird English professor you had your freshman year and cringed. “You’re gonna need all the time you can get. You stink.”
Never mind, not an angel.
Grumbling and cursing under your breath, you got off the stool to go take a shower. “And here I was about to offer to get you something for lunch while I was out.”
“A burger from the joint I like would be nice. So would a Coke and side of onion rings.”
“Size?”
“Medium for both.”
You would’ve caved in and bought her something, anyways. Might as well know what she wanted in the first place.
Showering took longer than expected. Most of your time got wasted by you standing under the shower stream and soaking in all the warmth. It wasn’t until Mikasa knocked on the door asking you not to use up all the hot water that made you actually start going through your routine.
The clock read 10:09 when you got out. You still had more time to kill until Eren came, so you elected to sit on your bed in your towel to scroll through social media. At 10:45, you started to get ready for real now.
Your makeup was just enough to cover any imperfections on your face, and your outfit cute enough for a lunch outing with your friend-fuckbuddy.
At 11:50, you stepped out into the living room with your belongings in hand to lounge around while you waited for Eren. You would’ve gone to bug Mikasa, but she had just stepped into the shower minutes prior.
12 on the dot, a rhythmic knocking was rapped on your door, meaning Eren was finally here. Skipping over to the door, you opened it to reveal him while slipping on your shoes.
“Hey,” he grinned when the door opened. He leaned in to give you a kiss on the lips after you’d straightened up from putting on your shoes.
A grin found its way on your lips during the kiss. It only lasted a couple of seconds, ending with you pulling away with a quiet smack. “Hi,” you greeted back.
“Ready to go?” he asked, one hand leaving his jacket pocket to jut his thumb down the hallway towards the elevators.
“Yup, ready,” you said. Over your shoulder, you yelled into the apartment to say goodbye to Mikasa and locking the door once you closed. “Okay, ready for real now.”
There was a new hot pot restaurant near campus, Eren told you, that he so desperately wanted to try. He overheard some people talking about the place in his Stats class, and he’s been wanting to go ever since.
“So, about what I told you last night,” he said, leaning on the table close to you after giving your orders to the waitress. “You said you would help me get Mina.”
“I said it was a bad idea,” you countered, taking a sip of your drink.
“But you said you would help me. For a price.”
“That I… did say,” you sighed. “What’s your plan?”
Smiling, he opened up his jacket and dug into the inner pockets, getting out a small notepad and a pen. Your eyebrows raised at the sight of them. “Okay,” he started, flipping through his notepad. “So I was thinking about it this morning, and this is what I have down so far.”
Sliding it towards you, he waited impatiently for you to read what he had.
Your lips pursed to prevent giggled from leaving your lips. Well, it was a plan, alright. Written in Eren’s chicken scratch of handwriting were a few very simple steps.
eren yaegers fool proof plan to get bitches get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. talk to mina to get her interested in you ✓ 2. get hot girl ((Y/N)) to pretend to be your gf and show you can be a good bf 3. get mina jealous so she wants you even more and not poopy thomas wanker 4. “break up” with (Y/N) and pretend to be sad 5. get mina to comfort you 6. get bitches make mina your gf 7. pay (Y/N) for her services 8. ta-da!
When you looked up from the notepad, you saw Eren waiting for your answer. “Well? What do you think? Is it any good?” he asked.
“Were you high when you wrote this?” was the first thing you asked him. Eren shook his head innocently. “You’re 100% serious?” He nodded.
You bit your lip, deep in thought about Eren’s supposedly fool proof plan. “What makes you think it’s gonna work?”
“I know girls and how they act. If Paradis University let me major in women -- don’t get smart with me I don’t mean Women Studies -- I would be passing all my classes with flying colors. I know it’ll work, trust me,” he said cockily, leaning back in his chair.
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do. I know you. I know everything about you, (Y/N). I even know how to make you scream my name in--”
“Okay!” you cut him off, not wanting the strangers around you to know the intimate details of your sex life with Eren. “Okay.”
“I knew you were gonna do that. See, I do know women.”
A moment or two passed, both of you staring at each other. You with a deadpan expression, and him with a proud one. You were the first one to break the silence with a heavy sigh. “Okay, say I agree to this. What do I get in return?”
“Anything you want,” he said. “Within reason, of course. Please don’t ask me to like, hide a body or something.”
Ignoring his last comment, you continued speaking, “You’re not allowed to back out of whatever I ask you to, right? If this plan fails or succeeds, you still owe me whatever you promised.”
Eren nodded. “Of course. I swear on it.” He shifted a little so his elbow was on the table, holding out a pinky. Instinctively, you held out your pinky as well and intertwined the both of them. Pinky promises were something you and Eren had been doing for years now. It meant that the other was dead serious on their promise.
The waitress came back with your broth and dipping ingredients, setting them on the table for you right when your pinkes left each other. Thanking the waitress, the two of you talked some more while you waited for the broth to heat up.
“We should make it official. With a contract and set of rules,” he said. “Like that one movie you forced me to watch with you. The Boys I Loved or some shit like that.”
“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” you corrected.
“Yeah, that. They’re kinda doing something like us, yeah?”
“Guess so,” you shrugged, picking up your chopsticks and a sice of pork belly when the broth started to boil. “After we eat though.”
Idle chatter was shared between the two of you as you ate. Even though you saw each other nearly every day, you never ran out of things to talk to. You could be talking about complete nonsense or how quantum physics made no sense, and you would still have the best time of your life.
By now, the broth had been drunk up and the table had been cleared out to be replaced with banana milk and ice cream. Eren brought out his notepad again to write down the set of rules for your fake relationship while enjoying your desserts.
Good progress had been written so far on the notepad. Both of you had given input and criticism on each rule made. In the end, you finally had a good set of rules written down.
(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP
payment for (Y/N):
Eren tapped a beat on the notepad, reading “payment” over and over again. Eventually he looked up at you, deep in thought. “Have you thought of anything so far?” he asked, clicking the pen to write what you wanted.
This was a tough decision. Eren was ready to give you anything to help him get Mina. You had to be wise and pick something big to take advantage of him. Something you were sure you wouldn’t ever regret getting.
“How about,” you started, trailing off, “you do my laundry for the rest of our time at ParadisU, buy me lunch every Wednesday even after we break up, recommend that godsend of a tutor you keep gatekeeping to help me too, and…”
“And?” Eren asked, looking up from his writing, waiting for your next words.
“All the orgasms I want during our relationship,” you finished, satisfied with what you chose.
“Is that all?” he asked, writing down the last of your words. “That’s a lot.”
“How about I let you know if I wanna add more,” you said. Eren nodded in response. His head hung to look at the notepad again, writing something down. Once he was done, he plaed the pen on the pad and slid it to you.
“Sign it so it’s official,” he instructed.
There were two lines beside each other, one already with Eren’s signature. Without hesitation, you signed your name neatly on the paper, giving the items back to Eren once you were done.
(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP
payment for (Y/N): eren has to do the (Y/N)’s laundry for the rest of university, buy her lunch ever wednesday, get tutor to help her and give her as many orgasms as she wants during the course of the relationship
signed x eren yaeger x (y/n) (l/n)
The two of you shook hands when Eren put away his things, to seal the deal again. The waitress came by again to give you the bill and collect your dirty dishes. Eren set down the cash needed to pay along with a tip in the check presenter before the two of you left.
You walked hand in hand back to Erens car before you realized you missed something. “Wait. What do we tell people when they ask how we got together?” you asked, pausing in your tracks.
Eren stopped with you, turning to look at you. “Um, you can say I confessed after lunch, and that this is technically our first date,” he suggested, tugging your hand to walk back to the car.
“Huh. Okay. That works,” you nodded.
The two of you got into the car a little bit past 2:30 in the afternoon, ready to go home. “Wait,” you said again, making Eren pause. “Mikasa wanted a burger from that one joint near our apartment. Could you take me there first?”
Eren smiled and nodded, starting the car. “Of course. Burger with medium Coke and onion rings?”
“How did you know?”
“She always gets that when we go there.”
“Huh… I guess you’re right.”
“When am I not?”
"Always."
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italic names, it wouldn't let me tag you!
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#♥ - eren#rent a gf - eren#eren yeager#eren yaeger x reader#eren x reader#eren smut#eren yeager smut#eren jaeger#snk smut#attack on titan#aot#aot smut#shingeki no kyojin#aot x reader#eren x you#eren x reader smut#snk x reader#aot headcanons#eren headcanons#eren snk#attack on titan eren#eren fluff
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Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^
I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.
.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance
Anyway! onto the actual content!
- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.
- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.
- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.
- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.
- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master
..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"
-
Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."
- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.
a couple character story quotes:
-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."
i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.
and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"
...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should.
to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.
^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.
idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.
anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.
but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...
He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.
- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts
One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:
A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can. Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it.
both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t
Xiao’s power coming from himself and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes
both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself
and this is where we meet out balance
Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-
See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game
Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-
whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows.
however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-
Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over-
they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.
GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING
I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.
anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason
Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]
it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings. I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is.
I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other- Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it
within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely
so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action.
and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways.
-Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay
-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though.
-Messages whispered on the wind
-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips.
- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.
- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself.
- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change
- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those
- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt. - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing.
- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”
- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)
- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”
- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-
- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth. - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced.
- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh
- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports
- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.
- and because i just had to.... love languages
- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”
- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that.
-
- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.
#genshin impact#genshin xiao#genshin venti#xiao#venti#xiaoven#genshin analysis#genshin headcanons#xiaoven headcanons#xiaoven analysis#this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well#oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive#sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all
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joining the dea and javier peña falling for you would include
a/n: first javier request and my soft clown ass did her best to bring this request justice for you corazoncitos,, wow anyways pls love me either way if this is actual garbage
taglist: @fandomnerd16 @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @umvirgo @redhairedace
let me know if you want to be tagged!
ok so when i thought about this- my mind went straight to a slow b u r n relationship :))
because all i can think about is him not even realizing the moment where you- the very person hes been trying to avoid since day one- holds his entire heart in your hands
like him coming to the point where he notices hes so deep in love with you the very second he stared at you a little longer than usual,,
not paying attention to what you said even though he was staring straight at your lips-
and hes just over here like “fuck me,, this cant be happening-”
i laugh because i know he would start to get all nervous around you,,
his tie feeling like its choking him when he tries to talk to you, becoming tongue tied,, when he had literally zero problems before talking with you-
his palms sweating and getting so frustrated with himself,, especially when he looks over at you when you laugh at something steve or horacio said to you-
just wanting you to be laughing at something he said instead-
just the literal exact opposite feelings hes been trying to push away and convince himself he doesnt have has him beyond done with himself at this point because he knows theres no way out of this-
because?? since when the fuck ever did the javier pena start getting nervous around trying to talk to a woman and much less the person that hes supposed to be working with,, thats what pisses him off-
and i would imagine him having this closed off connection with you since the first step you took in the office
because i have this thought in my head where javier wouldnt have liked the news of you joining the dea in colombia when he first heard about it
bc theres already so much stress going on from trying to catch escobar,,
and hes not about to have to train and catch your rookie ass up to them ya feel?
but woW does he realize he has it all fucking backwards about you when steve introduces you to javi when you get there-
like im not going to lie,, i can feel it in my bones that javier wouldnt really care when both you and steve are standing in front of him
i can just imagine him just glancing up,, looking you over once and just brushing you off,,
just giving you a short hello with like a forced smile and getting up,, grazing past you two-
and steves over here rolling his eyes like “dont listen to him, he can be an asshole,, but youll get used to it-”
i dont know- i get the feeling that you and steve would get along well since the start,, like the two of you becoming best friends:)
because he knows what its like to be in a different country and even more, what its like to be the rookie
so hes just having you always stick with him all the time,, being dea buddies :)) wow
but also having a good relationship with carrillo because i just know he would see something in you-
youre not the one to be a goody-two shoes like steve in the beginning and just by hanging around with you for 5 minutes,, he already loves you and is always with you on missions,,
like you becoming one of the people he trusts the most in the group :)
just- you befriending the whole office to the point everyone would come to you for literally anything-
i laugh imagining javiers amargado ass always being annoyed af by that,, because weve seen this man stress tf over escobar and bernas bs hes always pulling-
and hes just trying to be serious for once and not have this whole case drag on any longer than it has to the point where people dont come to him anymore-
but listen- i can see you having this attitude with him all the time,, like challenging him everytime you interact with him,,
literally not giving 2 shits if he listens to you,, just getting under his skin and steves over here already on your side no matter what-
i cant- imagining him giving you an attitude back,, pushing you away and sending you with murphy but
:(( even tho he wont ever admit it then,, :( he lives for bantering with you because those would come to be the highlights of his day :((
like in those moments he slowly starts to realize unconsciously he doesnt hate you at all,, he just doesnt know how to handle these feelings he has for you because he gives me vibes of him never settling down-
but here he fucking is,, not even noticing that hes constantly looking at you,, sitting up straight when he sees you start to walk over to him :(
or like him muttering to himself,, trying to convince his mind that he doesnt and shouldnt see you in a romantic way-
but he just can’t help stop thinking about you,, the way you smiled at him that morning or that you chose to sit by him during a meeting-
i dont know- im just emotional at the thought of him being so hopelessly in love with you,, like not even fighting it anymore because he cant
just him slowly coming around to being near you all the time,, and maybe just checking up on you,,
i CRY at thought of him becoming your number one hype man :((
like him yelling at everyone to shut up and listen to you when you have something to say about information-
the both of you smiling to each other,, like him nodding in your direction because he has your back :)) wow i aM SOFT
im fucking sorry but the way he has literal HEART EYES watching you talk in front of everyone,,
not even paying attention to what youre saying just focusing on the way hes never noticed the little details about you- i
this bitch is literally in a haze,, focusing all of his attention on you,,
like he doesnt even notice when steve looks over at him and back to you,, smile on his face when he realizes what javis thinking about-
i cant- and him elbowing javiers side when you finish talking because hes not even moving from his spot,, still too embobado watching you like
“you fucking like her dont you?”-
:((HOLD ON?? - I SOB at the thought of steve being the wingman because he just wants the best for both of his friends,,,
he makes it his fucking mission to get you two together- :((
like im imagining him being the type to give you a note or something from carrillo or messina-
telling you to pass it on to javier even tho he’s literally like 4 feet away from you both lol
like hes just trying to push you two to spend more time together as much as possible-
woW because can you imagine you giving javier these smALL HEART EYES AS YOU WALK UP TO HIM,,
the two of you being stuck to the floor when youre giving him the note,, both of you waiting for the other to make a move first,,
neither of you being able to get 2 words out to eachother even though you both would banter with each other before but now?? its a difference feel
and all the while steve is over here next to carrillo,, the both of them betting which of you two is going to do something first lmao
god im sorry but im :(( imagining you giving him a small smile and walking away buT javiers not even looking at the note because hes over here standing there,, not moving a single muscle,, just watchinG YOU LEAVE WITH THE BIGGEST HEART EYES WHEN YOURE NOT LOOKING AT HIM ANYMORE- :(((
oh my god, wow can you imagine steve getting connie in on this because hes just so done waiting and watching you both fucking struggle to get 4 words out to eachother- so much p i n n i n g
so like the two of them would definitely do this double date just to get the two of you together outside of work :))
but:) they would skip :)) halfway through the date or just not show up at all :)))
and have you and javier go on :)the date alone :)) so its just the two of you :) WOW
listen i dont make the rules but you and javier definitely walk in the next day together,, holding fucking hands perhaps?? im- i need to go sob
#narcos imagine#narcos imagines#javier peña x reader#javier pena x reader#narcos#javier peña#javier pena
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i played amnesia: rebirth and i really liked it and have some Thoughts(tm):
non-spoilery:
- once again mad respect to frictional games for being the only people who arent afraid of nudity. no censorship underwear.
-theres a non-spook mode for if you hate being chased by stuff
- diversity win! this guy who's the most pathetic little meow meow is gay!
- i didn't have to look up any walkthroughs!
-i tried it with both spooks on and spook off and having spooks on is better. embrace the spook.
-game has some pretty visuals and a neat story, and while i wish choices throughout the game mattered, there are different endings. p good game.
SPOILERY BEYOND HERE(do readmores even work anymore):
[[MORE]]
-as a trans(tm) the first person pregnancy was uhhhhhhhh. dont like that. but that feeling didnt last long, mostly because tasi was so happy about having a baby. its cute.
-that being said i didn't want to run around and jump and climb because TASI UR PREGNANT STOP DOING THAT
-it felt so much less lonely than the other two, it was nice to have a list of people that you were trying to find and meet up with
- i like how yasmine still tried to help even though she was becoming a harvester, she's such a sweetie
- dr. metzier was so mean to tasi, like dude. even if tihana hadn't been the one to bring down the plane, and the one to curse everyone, tasi still would have been in the right to keep her baby. everyone died because tihana killed them. none of it would have happened if she had just minded her own buisness, but the doc was just. so angery at tasi?? dude.
-at the room full of harvesters i straight up opened the door, saw that, closed the door and turned around
- shadow seems like a manifestation of all the pain inflicted on the other world, like its the opposite of the vitae. could b wrong but thats just my onion.
- best ending is the fuck u lady ending even though the shadow eats you and your baby
-hhh i wanna know more about the other world politics, especially about people fighting against the empress
Opinions on characters(that actually speak more than like. 3 words.):
Hank- hands down best dude. total bro, i just wish he didn't die by being hanged by the cable when you use the elevator. that was a bit. mm. tasteless? tone deaf? maybe dont hang one of the two black characters frictional games??
Alex- *insert second diversity win joke about rich buisnessman having the saddest most pathetic little meow meow as a boyfriend*
Richard- quality representation for us useless gays. terrified little meow meow. on a more serious note, i clocked him and alex from the first photo, and im glad tasi confirms that they're in a relationship, and that when you find richard, he's calling out for alex. i really hoped that you'd be able to stop tasi by struggling, but not so. i think it would have made for a neat thing if you had a choice with both him and the doc.
Dr. Metzier - speaking of the doc, i did not see him stealing the baby coming. he's such a jerk for blaming tasi, "oh you'd put the lives of all of us behind that of your child" like no my dude. if someone locked you in a room and said they were going to start shooting people if you didn't give them your baby, you wouldn't be the one responsible for the people being shot.
Leon- might be the only person from the Cassandra to survive? ik he looses his hand but he's still alive after. thats gotta suck, bc he's stuck in the catacombs/hunting grounds with all the other harvesters, so he's probably going to loose himself. i feel bad for him even though he's Pretty Dang Racist, bc he didn't do or say anything outright until after being harvesterized, so i think that had things gone normally and everyone got to the gold mine ok, he might have been able to Stop Being So Racist.
Tasi- legit didn't touch the laudnum after i realized she was pregnant, only to discover there was no effect on her. she's a nice lady, sucks that the empress decided she wanted tasi's baby. "hold x to check in on your baby" is something im going to say now.
Salim- aww cute husband shame he's fuckin dead. i wasn't expecting to find him alive but i still got real sad when i did find him. i like the details that tell you your marriage licence got denied and the photo saying 'how about we do anyways'
Yasmin- even as a harvester she's friend shaped. even puts her leg in a bear trap bc she doesn't want to hurt tasi. 10/10 yasmin is best friend in this game
Empress Tihana - i don't believe for a second she really meant any of what she said about saving tasi from the desert because a, she's the one who brought down the plane, b, she's sustained by endless torturing and claims she's not a monster, so forgive me if i dont think she's being honest. c, the major hazards of this particular area of the desert are her harvesters, actually. the entire crew of the cassandra, the french fort, the village, all those people are dead because she wanted someone else's baby. love her design tho very cool.
#long post#amnesia: rebirth#anyways these are just my Onions on the subject#the game was free on epic games a little while ago
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figured it was better to save my thoughts on character outfits for three hopes until we had gotten to see them all. my initial impressions when we just saw edelgard, claude and dimitris designs was that three hopes was looking to be a refinement of designs from houses itself but like most things regarding three houses quality it seems the answers a lot more... down the middle in terms of quality then it first appeared.
blue lions
dimitri: love this design more then his original ts design. i feel thats because dimitris original ts design was made with more thematic purposes in mind but his new design is just made to be appealing to look at.
dedue: not much has really changed but not much really needed to change. still, the beard is such a natural fit for dedue that i cant help but consider it highly.
mercedes: again not a design that changed much at all and not really one that needed to change much at all. i will add that ive always actually liked her original ts hair contrary to a lot of people, but the new bob is probably more appealing to a wider number of people.
annette: i feel like her new design better captures her personality? not that annette cant have depth mind, just that shes very much defined as a go getter kinda quirky young girl which her new look better evokes in my mind.
ashe: i feel like they didnt know where to go with this one? its not bad, its just such an odd shift from his original. still it feels like something ashe would wear to me, hes aiming to be a knight after all.
felix: as opposed to dimitri whos design went from a more thematic to a more aesthetic design, felix feels like hes going in the opposite direction from a more aesthetic design to a more visually thematic one. and i find that incredibly fascinating, like, why are you wearing your dads cloths felix? are these glenns cloths actually? are we gonna get something more directly confronting the fact that felix is written to be incredibly hypocritical/not as insightful as he thinks he is? this one whets my story appetite.
sylvain: sylvain channels his inner lewyen and gets a scarf time? its different flavored but nice in its own way not much more to say other then his hair could have stood to have a bit more height to it if that makes sense?
ingrid: like sylvain theres not much to say, its different but very nice in its own way. hair could stand to be an inch shorter or so but other then that another solid design overall.
black eagles
edelgard: in a weird spot because i actually do like her new ts design, but it also feels like its even worse at conveying the idea of an armor unit then her original design was. there are definitely some interesting implications to draw from that mind, but it doesnt changed the fact that every edelgard design ive ever seen just feels off for one reason or another.
hubert: apparently someone saw how people thirsted over hubert and decided to double down on the wet rat bastard idea hard this time. whether it was to make him less appealing or infact more appealing i cant quite decide, but i dont think theres anyway to get past how hubert looks like a discount version of himself.
dorothea: thats certainly dorothea. ive never been particularly fond of her or her designs so i cant particularly comment, but this feels about the same as her other designs to me. boring if effective at provoking the image of a high society lady.
bernadetta: proof if proof be needed that bernie was always intended as more of a gag character then anything serious. im not gonna waid into the debate on that, but i will note that it must be someones fetish on the design team as theyve seem to have doubled down hard on shut in neet bernie this time.
ferdinand: theres something about the outffit itself i like more then the original, it feels more ferdinand if that makes sense, but the hair really infuriates me this time as it only looks good at certain angles. when it looks shorter then it actually is, ferdinand looks his best.
caspar: the design that feels the most like a mid tier evolution before hitting fully evolved caspar to me. i actually rather like it overall including the short spiked hair.
petra: idk this one feels like a dud to me. individually a lot of the design elements would look pretty good in an outfit designed entirely with them in mind, but as it stands it feels like they mashed several competing designs together without much thought on the cohesiveness of it.
linhardt: femboi linhardt? idk what the case was intended for here, but overall like annette i feel this design better captures linhardts personality and character then his original ts design.
golden deer
claude: i like this design a lot more then the original but not because i strictly think its a better design but more so because this design has most of everything i like in character outfits. another case id say of less thematic intent more visual intent.
hilda: another perfectly serviceable design that looks different but still good. cant decide which hairstyle i like more for hilda but im leaning more towards this one as it feels more like one she'd actually wear in a war setting.
lorenz: looking dapper and fine overall lorenz, people can make fun of his hair all they like but he really makes it work and i like how this feels more applicable for a mage/dark knight which lorenz is primarily geared towards being.
raphael: raphael decided to show off some more muscle which im always down for. the bandana helps bring it together giving him a more worker look which i feel works for him.
ignatz: love the colours a lot more this time and i vastly prefer this compared to his original outfit which just confused me. only thing i dont like about it is the breatsplate, that doesnt fit ignatz as much as it fits ashe and hed have been better off with a more cloth based look there.
lysithea: like claude i like this outfit more not because its a strictly better outfit and more because it just has more design elements that appeal to my tastes then her original look did. i will say i lean to this also being a better fit for lysitheas personality as well though.
marianne: and your gonna hear me roar oar a a a a a a oar like mercedes its a case where the outfit hasnt really changed because ya didnt really didnt need to change much about it, but the hair style has changed to something im not personally more fond of but recognize as a good visually appealing hair style.
leonie: i like her original ts outfit more really but this one looks nice as well and has a bit more individual flair and personality to it then before when she was more so cropping elements from jeralt.
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hello im just wondering what anime you like because im just starting to get more into anime and need to know what to watch when im done with demon slayer. also how's your teeth situation? i just chipped a tooth and it reminded me of you
WAIT IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT "i just chipped a tooth and it reminded me of you" like that would be so sentimental if it was anything other than chipping a tooth😭😭😭
OK under the cut bc this is pretty long.
also, to anyone reading this who ISNT mag: if you have a good opinion of me then DONT READ THISSSS bc im honestly so embarrassed of the anime im into like its so mortifying to me...😭
LOL ok here goes
probably my favorite EVER is hunter x hunter i really cant explain why but its just SO good and special and dear 2 my heart. it was just riveting to me and you really care about the little guys like they really become your friends *SOB* the storylines are so fascinating and unpredictable too its just so so SO fun
im also rly into bungo stray dogs rn i REALLYYYY like it... the vibes on it are just really good and all the characters are so unique and you rly grow to like all of them, even the antagonists, like theyre all really sympathetic which i love. its just a really solid show i luv the messages and the symbolism and everything
im also watching jojos bizarre adventure rn which is so good definitely a commitment but REALLY FUN!!! part 1 is kindof slow but worth it (tbh when i was watching part 1 it didnt seem slow to me but yeah compared to the subsequent parts it is on the slower side) definitely like foundational watching. and theres a LOT of it which is nice
ive ALSO been working on castlevania which is like masterfully done and really beautifully animated TBH. its pretty dark and real but also has funny and sweet moments...i dont think you need to have played the games or have background knowledge or anything, i went in totally blind and it stands on its own perfectly
ALSO some lighthearted cutesy ones i go to when i done feel like experiencing serious emotions are haikyuu and food wars!! they are both rly fun toooo... another lighthearted one i was into for a second was sk8 the infinity but i quit bc the ending sucked apparently. but it was really cute too!
i also started banana fish a while back, i quit bc it was kind of triggering to me and just really depressing but it also seems really good too, definitely heavy but yeah really good if you want smth like that LOL
ALSO if you somehow havent watched death note by now (ig you probably have LOL most everyone has but i put it off for so long so...benefit of the doubt) DEFINITELY get on that literally it has like altered the way i think and is just really good. like so good...
a few others i can think of that i was into when i was a lot younger (so take these w a grain of salt) are no.6, which is like a scary utopian mystery type situation, i still stand by this one tbh its really good and interesting. i was also really into one called owari no seraph (or seraph of the end) which is like a vampire situation that LOOKS like it was really good but i havent rewatched it recently...
and, the burden of my life, i was super into black butler back then too (like age 13/14/15) which honestly has a lot of problems like objectively, but if you can be VERY critical and mindful of it then it can be really good. i wouldnt give it the time of day if i discovered it today at age 20, but i cant erase it from my memory so im kind of rewatching and reprocessing it rn -_-
i watch all of these dubbed besides jojos (whose dub sucks) and im very picky abt dubs but they all have really good ones! SOOO SORRY THIS LIST IS SO LONG OMG i wanted to be comprehensive
#OH AND MY TEETH SITUATION IS GETTING BETTER thank u for asking <3#they havent done anything to the serious bad broken one yet but theyre gonna try to like#save it without having to pull it out... so fingers crossed for that#HOPE YOU GET YOURS TAKEN CARE OF ALSO WTF chipping a tooth is like the worst feeling#omg also tell me how demon slayer is!!! its on my to watch list hehe it looks fun
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Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????
AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!
OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG
ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going
ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.
ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!
miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away-
parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner.
rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)
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HEATHER:||: ERIC
Warnings:|| one sided love
Summary: I wish I was her....
A laugh rings throughout the air. One so familiar, you cant help but smiling automatically at the sound. His presence, one that illuminates wherever he goes. Slowly turning around, there he is ,your best friend.
There it is , a smile, a gesture so simple yet it causes a million butterflies to flutter within you and causes your mind to go fuzzy. Its like he doesn't know his own charm or the control he has over you, but no one knows. No one knows the feelings you carry within.
(Idkh these pov thingys work yet sorryy)
Eric: y/n!!!!!!. Eric yells as he jogs closer, and grabs y/n's shoulder y/n: yes Eric?* deep breath* Eric: did you do the homework for math class? * Breathe* y/n: Yeah I did.I actually finished it before class ended yesterday. Eric: you're gonna let me see it right??? *heart beating gets louder* Take a step back Y/n : nope. You should've done it. *starts walking down the hall* Thinking he's wandered off you let out a deep sigh... Knowing if you let him beg enough youd cave in and you knew better. He would never learn this way.and soon enough you could see yourself falling farther and farther into his grasp over time and he didnt even know it. You let out one more sigh before turning around to see Kevin , who cant help but look at you concerned. Kevin: whats wrong y/n?
.. You avoid eye contact. Kevin is one of those people. Someone who can tell when someones upset. He can read you well. So you knew you had to leave quickly. Y/n: I didnt get much sleep last night. So I'm feeling quite off today, its nothing serious. *nervous laughter*
He seems to kind of believe it since he just nods his head as if he can see it apparent on your face.. But something feels off, like he's pretending to believe you for your sake but you just excuse yourself and head towards the bathroom.Totally unaware he hasnt stopped looking your way since turning around as he nods to himself again as if comfirming somthing to himself before turing to head to his own class.
Y/n Pov
*splash*
*in a quiet voice* 'Whats wrong with me..'.. Its like the moment I look at him I cant help it. My heart begins to race, my stomach ends up feeling funny like there are millions of butterflies, and I get nervous and run away each time he gets closer... *Looks back at self in mirror* only if he knew...
(5 min later.)
*sigh* *walks towards math*
Other POV
You sit down before class begins , and there it is again , his laughter, but this time its different. You cant help but turn around to see whats caused the change in his voice, and its like your throat gets caught. Her. The girl he always is talking to you about.It seems like he was finally able to build the courage to talk to her. The one he wants to take to the movies to see his favorite movies with. The one he wants to show his safe places to . The one who keeps him up at night. The one he wants to wear matching clothes with. The one he wants to spend his holidays with. Her. Its her. Guess he didn't need the homework anymore afterall.
You quickly turn back around , trying to keep your emotions in. You feel yourself go colder with each sound. A tightening feeling in your chest builds everytime you hear them laughing . You sigh and breathe in slowly , praying the class ends quickly .
The moment class ended you jolt up quckly and grab your things and head towards your locker for the next class.
Y/n Pov
*sigh* *grabs snack for break*
Eric:y/n!!!
I dont respond.
Eric:y/n? Whats wrong .*looks concerned*
There he goes again.
Nothing Eric i say. He looks in disbelief. Knowing theres something off.
Eric: hmmm.You sure sure?. Hmm Well lets go with the rest of the guys. They are waiting for us for sure. *wraps arm around shoulder*
It was like a sudden new reflex. I didnt mean to. But jerking away from him seemed like the only thing that my body felt like I should do...
The look of surprise on his face made me feel embarrassed I reacted that way. And as soon as it looked like he was going to ask me what was wrong again I speed down the hall.
And there I meet the rest of the guys , thankfully.
New: thank goodness you're here. Look help me out. Changmin keeps saying this chucky doll here is cute... Come get him .
I cant help but laugh. I take a seat next to Sangyeons right side while Juyeon is on my left.
Juyeon looks towards me as i sit and smiles that crescent moon kind of smile. Of course i return it .
Y/n: I dont know about chucky being cute. But his bride is quite a beauty tho.
New:..... You... You two are something else with your horror movies... Like... You know what, forget it. *laughs in defeat.*
Y/n: *dramatic gasps* my oh my you say that like WE'RE the weird ones.🙄👀
Sunwoo and Q: periodt👀👏
Eric finally arrives.
Eric: Guys!! Guess what?
Sunwoo: you did your math homework for once?
Eric:.... Mm well Uh no, i didnt
Sangyeon: you didnt ask y/n for the answers this time?
Eric: no i did, but she said no. I got it from. H/n (her name)
Hyunjae: so thats what it is. You spoke to her?
*breathe*
Eric: yes and guys, like, I think I've maybe got a chance.
There he goes again... Her. Its all her. JUST her...
Jacob: so did you ask her out?
Eric: yeah I did. I invited her to our movie night tonight. I was gonna ask you guys if you guys were cool with it beforehand but I didnt think I would must the courage to.
Juyeon: anything for you to get the girl. We got you
New: IF he gets her. She just doesnt know the headache she's in for.
Sangyeon: Guess all that practice on y/n was worth it.
Practice...
Thats all I was....
He says it smiling towards me , not knowing the hurt his words have just caused subconsciously but I cant smile. Not even a forced one. I just pretend I didnt heard him.
Eric: yeah she told me she actually thought I was dating y/n but of course I could never. We're like siblings.
Ouch...
New: true...
Q: I dont even think eric is y/n's type anyways
I make eye contact with someone who seems to have been watching my every move.
Kevin...
He looks like he is observing everything... From my reactions to my responses.After another 3 seconds he looks away.Not saying a word either.
Everyones laughing. Everyones congratulating him.
Younghoon:y/n?
Everyone turns to face me.oh .
Y/n: hm?
I was too lost in thought. I spaced out.
Sangyeon: What time are you coming by?
Y/n: for what?
Sunwoo: for the movie. We gotta all be Eric's wingman here. He needs all the help we can offer.
Oh.. She will be there too? Can I handle it? Yes? No? No I cant handle it
Y/n: Uh i cant . I have something that just came up. I just remembered.
I lied. And sure enough. I was seen through.
Eric: like what?
Y/n: something
Q: really? What is it? Maybe we can help you out so you can come by and hang out.
Something is snapping within me. I need to leave.
Y/n: no thanks. You guys have fun.
I get up before they give me a response. I cant be around them . not until i get over these feelings. But its harder than i thought. But i dont want to take it out on them either so I should try.
Everytime We'd see each other after that. It was HER. It was either him with her or about her.
Everytime in class, itd be HER.
Every text , HER.
And the guys went along with it.
And everytime , itd hurt. A punch to the heart. And a bit tighter it would feel each time.
And the constant reminder that its just HER and will always be HER..
only if he knew.. I wish I was her.... its like the way he'd talk about her was like he was telling you the reason for his existence, the way his eyes shined when hed see her and then theyd soften when she'd smile at him,the smile he'd have when hed describe her or simply talk about her and trust me he was always proud to, or the way he tried to contain his happiness when she'd come around to speak to him just showed me all i needed to know.
He loved her. She made him happy . Thats all that mattered.
I felt one of those sad smiles form. Because though he was happy . I was not. I dont want to be reminded its not me constantly..so with thaat thought. I call it quits. Until I no longer feel this feeling. I'll distance myself so I can let go properly and move on with time.
I suddenly stopped responding to the gc messages. Slowly started to decline to hang out. But it seems it wasn't a big deal though. She was there eveytime instead.She became apart of everything they did. And with that I started to spend all my time in the library as a way to naturally distance myself. The guys were worried at first. But once i told them I needed perfect scores to get into my dream college, they decided me spending most of my time in the library for it was alright. It was for my other "dream college" so I should put it first they said. For my future they said.And then they also suddenly stopped asking me to hang out.It didnt take long.They also suddenly stopped directing messages towards me in the gc. Personal messages as well. Slowly one by one. We stopped having things to talk about ,like we've become strangers with time.. Now to just glances every now and then, that was all. Other than that, we became just like strangers. Strangers with memories....
Suddenly..
Kevin: y/n...
*Distant laughter*
I turn to look at Kevin.Sensing he had something to say but it wouldnt come out. He looks towards the table and I follow his gaze towards the table full of boys with her in it. I can only smile. I smile when they errupt with laughter at something new and sunwoo said. Happy they're happy. And with that I turn back to Kevin.
I can only smile at Kevin. No words. Just a smile.
The look on his face says he has something to say still present.
For the past 6 months. He would have that same look on his face when I'd walk past him. But hes never actually stopped me.
Kevin: y/n...
And just like that . Suddenly I'm wrapped in a warmth I didnt think I missed. And it's like it went quiet..and the sound of sniffling fills my ears , and his hold gets tighter. Oh Kevin..
THE END.
Authors note: Maybe I can male a Pt2? This one turned out bad tbh .
I did not edit this but i will later onnnn thank youuuuuu
#the boyz scenario#the boyz eric#the boyz#the boyz oneshots#the boyz angst#the boyz onesided love#the boyz kevin
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