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salexectrian-heir · 4 years

Text

messages from last night update

chapter below the cut | ao3 link

✧ Oracle ✧

SEPT 1ST 4:57 AM

[Joker] Hi

[Joker] Story time

[✧ Oracle ✧] i see yusuke returned ur phone

[Joker] Aha, yeah. After swearing on my life I would not make any more poor life choices

[Joker] I assume that was your doing

[✧ Oracle ✧] ur welcome

[Joker] Hmm well I might not have sworn hard enough

[✧ Oracle ✧] ???

[Joker] bet you 500 yen you can’t guess where I woke up this morning (without hacking my location)

[✧ Oracle ✧] oh god akira… jail?

[✧ Oracle ✧] again??!

[Joker] No

[Joker] Better

[✧ Oracle ✧] !!?

[Joker] On the catwalk of the auditorium

[✧ Oracle ✧] BRUH

[✧ Oracle ✧] didnt yusuke like walk u home???

[Joker] He did

[Joker] I just didn’t stay home after

[✧ Oracle ✧] (-_-;)・・・

[✧ Oracle ✧] but don’t they lock up the buildings at night….

[Joker] ...

[✧ Oracle ✧] also i’m p sure catwalks are at least fifteen meters in the air??

[Joker] ...

[Joker] I am surprisingly still very dexterous while intoxicated

[✧ Oracle ✧] o m g

[✧ Oracle ✧] what possessed u to sneak out of the dorm, pick a lock, scale scaffolding, and fall asleep on a metal beam is / literally / beyond me

[Joker] Me too, It's all very...fuzzy after getting back to the dorms

[Joker] Maybe I was a cat in a past life

[✧ Oracle ✧] cat!kira

[✧ Oracle ✧] congrats u now have a fursona to add to your growing list of ‘sonas

[Joker] Cat!kira go prrr?

[✧ Oracle ✧] HAHAH a self-drag?

[✧ Oracle ✧] Someone truly is hungover and regretting his life choices

[Joker] Jokes aside, all that flexibility training I did in hs apparently paid off

[Joker] I have no new bruises or injuries that I am aware of so I made it up in one piece. Somehow.

[✧ Oracle ✧] wait hold up I thot all that “training” u’d say u were doing was just like horny akira code for “going to mess around with Sumi after school”

[✧ Oracle ✧] don’t tell me u actually were doing gymnastics with her that whole time

[Joker] Okay

[✧ Oracle ✧] ????

[Joker] You literally just told me not to tell you

[✧ Oracle ✧] but was i right?! i NEED to kno if i was right

[Joker] Haha yes and no

[Joker] We did both

[Joker] is typing...

[✧ Oracle ✧] oKAY OKAY OKAY NO DETAILS (SAVE THOSE FOR ANN)

[✧ Oracle ✧] JUST CONFIRMATION THANK U next

[Joker] You have written fanfic more explicit than anything I could ever tell you I’ve done, AND I PROOF READ IT FOR YOU

[✧ Oracle ✧] ヽ(•//д//•)ノ [ok true]

[✧ Oracle ✧] but

[✧ Oracle ✧] ヽ(•̀//д//•́)ノ

[Joker] Ik Ik, I’m teasing. I won’t corrupt your virginal ears

[✧ Oracle ✧] /anyway/ people r gonna be mad jealous when they find out u dated an olympic gymnast

[Joker] She wasn’t one when we dated though so technically I didn’t

[Joker] She found out she qualified shortly before we went back to being just friends

[Joker] I think we’re both much happier this way

[✧ Oracle ✧] Obviously. you still talk to her??

[Joker] Yeah

[Joker] We caught up before the semester started

[Joker] She said she was nervous, but that’s to be expected when you’re on the global stage. Aside from that she’s fitting in really well with her new teammates. She just wishes Kasumi could have been a part of it

[✧ Oracle ✧] </3

[Joker] Yeah :( </3

[Joker] But she’s good

[Joker] Still calls me senpai though...which idk how to feel about that

[✧ Oracle ✧] lol its ~cute~

[Joker] Hmm leaning towards don’t think so

[✧ Oracle ✧] “oh ~senpai~ you’ll still watch me compete in the olympics on TV right?”

[Joker] ...did you listen in on the call

[✧ Oracle ✧] no

[Joker] “no,” she lied like a liar (I know you still have my phone bugged damn it)

***

The Phantom Thieves of Cats

SEPT 1ST 5:01 AM

[✧ Oracle ✧] *kicks down the door to the thieves den*

[✧ Oracle ✧] INARI U FAILED

[✧ Oracle ✧] GUESS WHERE AKIRA IS

[✧ Oracle ✧] (hint: not where he’s supposed 2 be)

[Fox] Preposterous! He was safely returned to his dorm room. I personally put him to bed.

[Panther] you stayed over in their dorm room Fox… isn’t he in there w/you??

[Fox] is typing...

[Fox] Ah. It appears that I am in his bed and Akira is indeed missing. I was on the floor when we went to sleep. I have no recollection of this transfer.

[Fox] I have awoken Ryuji but all he has done is throw his possessions at me in an attempt to silence my “pestering” so I do not think he will be of any help in this situation.

[Joker] Don’t bother with him Fox. He isn’t responsive until at least 9am after a night out.

[Joker] Also, why aren’t the rest of you sleeping?

[Panther] Joker! you’re alive!!! are you okay???????

[Joker] Define okay

[✧ Oracle ✧] *cackles*

[Panther] where are you?!?

[Joker] You aren’t going to guess?

[Panther] jail?

[Fox] Please let it not be true your detective arrested you last night, and you are suffering in incarceration as we type.

[Joker] Why is jail everyone’s first guess? I was only arrested once!

[Joker] Fuck

[Joker] Also, he is not “my” detective

[Fox] is typing…

[✧ Oracle ✧] u sure about that

[Joker] Oh no

[✧ Oracle ✧] pls reread our messages from last night

[Joker] Oh GOD

[✧ Oracle ✧] *cackles louder*

[✧ Oracle ✧] i can’t wait to hear what inari is about to dish out

[Panther] wait what did akira say to you @ ✧ Oracle ✧?!

[Joker] Futaba please *softly* don’t

[Fox] Last night I had to relieve you of your phone before you texted the detective prince incriminating evidence of your state of inebriation and infatuation. You were adamant that you had to send him a picture of a cat as a token of your feelings, which I objected as the image you selected was not flattering of the cat. I may have just met you a few days ago, so please tell me if I am overstepping my bounds, but I do not think sending hideous pictures of cats is a wise way of winning over this man’s affections.

[✧ Oracle ✧] pls show us the picture he wanted to send

[Fox]

[Panther] Hahahah oh akira

[✧ Oracle ✧]

[Joker] …

[Joker] I’ll be staying at this undisclosed location until further notice

[Panther] no Akira!!! seriously where are you??

[Joker] the_view_is_nice.image

[Panther] :O

[Panther] how did you get up that high???

[✧ Oracle ✧] gymnastics training

[Panther] huh? i didn’t know you were a gymnast Akira!!

[✧ Oracle ✧] im sure he’ll tell u all about it now

[Joker] -____-

[Fox] I cannot believe I failed my first mission as the Chosen One.

[✧ Oracle ✧] i can

[Fox] is typing…

[Panther] @ ✧ Oracle ✧!!!!!!

[✧ Oracle ✧] kek

[Fox] I am an utter disgrace to this friendship. How can I even call this a friendship when I have done nothing but leech from the kindness you all have bestowed upon me. How will I ever be able to show my face among you, those whom I have failed. I must atone for the shame I have wrought.

[Joker] You didn’t fail @ Fox, and you are not a disgrace. It was my fault. I was the shitty friend in this situation. I’ll make it up to everyone, and to you Fox. I’ll think of something.

[Fox] Food would suffice.

[Joker] Dinner for a week it is.

[Fox] Delightful!

[Panther] wow he got over that fast

[✧ Oracle ✧] welcome to being friends with Inari, the path of forgiveness is through his stomach

***

✧ Oracle ✧

SEPT 1st 5:07 AM

[Joker] Slight problem

[Joker] I actually have no idea how to get down

[✧ Oracle ✧] u really r part f*cking cat

***

Regrettably, some of his life choices last night did him no favors.

Mistakes had been made. Limits and Lessons had been learned. Unfortunately the hard way.

After miraculously finding a way down off the catwalk without injury into his dorm shower and a fresh set of clothes, Akira managed to show up for his opening shift at Big Bang Blends ten minutes early.

Haru took one look at him when he slinked into the kitchen and immediately said, “Oh dear.”

Akira spun a damp curl around his finger. “That bad, huh?”

“Uhm.” Haru offered him a wobbling, pitiful smile. “You kind of look like how I would imagine a cat that got caught outside in the rain might feel.”

He let out a self-deprecating chuckle and wandered over to the apron rack. “Fair comparison.” Selecting his off its hook, he pulled it over his head. “I’d add on that the cat also got stuck in a tree and developed a splitting migraine.”

“I know just the thing that’ll sort you out!” Haru hovered over to Akira’s side. “Whenever I--” she paused, considering her words with a finger to her lip, “overindulge,” she settled on with a giggle, “I’ll make myself a cup of my special tea. It instantly clears my head and calms my stomach.”

Akira’s stomach rolled unpleasantly. “ Special tea ?”

Haru nodded vigorously. “It works like a charm! And I’m not just saying that because I drink it, I have a friend--well, I might be overstepping if I were to call him that, we aren’t that close,” Haru sighed, “but I make it for him too when he occasionally stumbles in here in a similar state.”

“Do I want to know what’s in it?” he asked hesitantly.

Haru beamed brightly at him. “No.”

Akira groaned.

“I promise it’ll work,” Haru said, wandering out of the kitchen and over to her collection of loose leaf teas that were displayed in clear, sealed jars behind the counter. She called back to him, “You’ll perk up in no time!”

He gave her a weak thumbs up.

Picking up the task list from the side of the walk in freezer, he resigned himself to his fate of ingesting whatever the fuck concotion Haru was going to feed him. It couldn’t have been worse than what he drank last night. In all honesty, he would have been feeling way, way, worse if Yusuke hadn’t convinced him to drink so much water when they got back. Akira would like to think the fact he wasn’t curled up on the floor in the fetal position on the cafe floor was also thanks in part to the Amazake he had chosen to drink the night prior too. But the thought of the non-alcoholic sake made his stomach churn harder so he stopped that train of thought immediately, and focused on setting up the dining area. His head felt like it weighed five pounds heavier than it usually did, which made moving it a bit of a hassle, but he had the opening sheet to finish before the cafe opened and he’d damn himself if he didn’t deliver.

What his stomach did seem safe to think about was luck stats, and that maybe Futaba was onto something when she had made that off hand comment in their chat last night. Akira was incredibly lucky to have landed two bosses ( three if he counted Sojiro but the man was more like a father than he ever was a boss) who cared more about his well being as a person than as a source of cheap labor. Watching Haru make his tea as he flipped chairs down off the tables only amplified his guilt of showing up before her utterly and unmistakably hungover.

Being the sloppy friend did not sit well with Akira.

He swore to himself as he pushed in the last chair he took down that this was the first and last time he ever did anything as stupid and irresponsible as he did last night. Not to mention, his luck wouldn’t last if he kept this up. He’d make it up to everyone somehow, and Haru in particular now. He wouldn’t let his current state impact his work.

And once he stopped feeling like dogshit and could form a coherent argument, he was going to have a long, hard talk with whichever one of his personas decided it would be great fucking idea to drink so much, scale the interior of the theatre, and fall asleep on a steel beam no greater than sixty centimeters in width. Because honestly, what the fuck ?

Even In high school, his “peak stupidity” years, he hadn’t done anything as dumb as this.

Okay, well, that was a lie.

He had done a lot of stupid, often illegal things (see: petty theft, breaking and entering) in high school that to him, had been justified. He was quite gifted at stealing and knew his way around a lock with professional proficiency, and he had gotten away with it unscathed for a very long time.

Except for the whole getting arrested and put on probation thing , which ironically had been for a crime he didn’t actually commit.

“It’s ready!”

“Thanks, Haru.”

Akira swung by the to-go counter reaching for the mystery tea waiting for him and continued on.

After thirty minutes of sipping on whatever miracle cure Haru brewed as he checked off the morning set up tasks, it fucking kicked in. The mind fog and nausea disappeared almost entirely, settling his stomach enough that he was able to keep down some Advil and melon pan with Haru for breakfast. Akira could handle the headache until the medicine took over.

He just couldn’t move too fast or too sudden (Akira was still a little too off balance for that), or turn his neck sharply (thanks to what he had drunkenly decided to use as a pillow the night before). But he powered through it as he set about stocking the various coffee beans in their containers.

The last item on the task sheet they completed together. Prepping the food items for the pastry case with all of the baked goods Haru had made the night before. In addition to mochi, goma dango, and other pastries one would expect to enjoy with tea and coffee, there was always some kind of cake. Meticulously and lovingly decorated, sliced by hand that Haru showcased in her cake display. Today’s selection was a daring one, a pink lemonade cake with delicately applied ombre pink frosting and topped with candied lemon slices that were evenly spaced, each sitting on an artful dollop of whipped white icing.

“Did you want to try a piece, Akira-kun?”

Akira glanced over from where he was sliding a tray of nerikiri into the case. A plate with a modest slice was being extended to him. Eyeing the color up close, his stomach protested. Apparently still a little too hungover to test the limits of his digestive tract with such an extravagant confection.

“It looks amazing, but I think I’ll stick to the melon pan this time Haru.”

“I can always save it for la--”

A sharp series of knocks interrupted their conversation.

From his position squatting on the floor, he checked the time on his phone. There were still five minutes until the cafe officially opened for the day. Haru had warned him there were always a few people who showed up early and failed to read the sign.

“I’ll get it,” Akira sighed, sliding the door of the pastry case shut. “You finish with the cake. I’ll handle our impatient caffeine addict.”

“Oh don’t worry the cake’s all done, I just cut the last slice.” Haru waved Akira off. “I can get him.”

Him?

He hastily straightened up, brushing a few stray sugary crumbs off his apron and immediately looked over at the entrance. Every muscle in his body seized up. Waiting outside the glass doors was one impeccably dressed and restless looking Akechi Goro. Akechi rolled his shoulder, adjusting the strap of his messenger bag while he checked his phone.

The message Akira sent Akechi last night intrusively echoed in his head the moment the former detective looked up and locked eyes with him. Pocketing his phone into his suit jacket (it had to be custom fit, because there was no way it could have cut his figure that well without tailoring), he lifted his chin ever so slightly. Akechi’s expression twisted wickedly into something that short circuited Akira’s brain.

Oh.

Fuck .

A war waged between two primal instincts in Akira’s body at the sight, the overwhelming urge to run in the face of danger clashing with a tidal wave of lust. The rush coursed through his veins, freezing him in place. Much like prey that had been cornered, his heart began to thrash against his ribs.

Akechi’s grin was sharp and salacious, a stark contrast to the innocent and winsome smile that the T.V. ready Prince so often wore. Akira didn’t know him all that well (... yet ), but God , that smile just seemed to suit Akechi so much better.

Akira got to witness this side of Akechi knowing it was reserved for only him for about two whole seconds before Akechi’s face changed, shifting into his composed, manufactured doll-like mask when Haru made it over to let him in.

The transformation gave Akira something pretty close to whiplash.

Really arousing whiplash.

“Good morning Akechi-san,” she greeted him, holding the door open with a warm smile.

“And same to you, Okumura-san,” he returned politely, stepping past her and into the cafe proper. “Pardon my early arrival, I have quite the busy day planned unfortunately and was hoping to get a jump start.” He brushed aside a few strands of hair that had fallen into his eyes with a gloved hand. “I hope your morning has been going well.”

“It’s barely started,” Akira muttered, reaching for a to-go cup to start Akechi’s order to busy himself with so he wouldn’t stare at the breathtakingly handsome man in front of him. His heart needed a break already.

Instead of writing Akechi’s name, he doodled a pair of handcuffs with the bold letters A and G within the negative space in each cuff (Akira admired his work for a brief moment and thought Yusuke would be proud). He marked the drink as a caramel latte, recalling what Haru had put down on his cup yesterday. Then proceeded to make a pour over instead.

Haru flipped the sign to open, and then said, “Very well, so far! I tried out a new cake recipe, you have to try it.”

Akechi laughed, and Akira’s stomach clenched--but this time in an all too pleasant way. Akira diverted his attention from grinding the beans for his drink to watch the detective ( Fuck! ) The sound was light and lyrical, and after what Akira witnessed… sounded totally out of place coming out of the same mouth that had held that smug, voracious grin a moment ago.

“As much as I would love to, I must decline. I cannot get into the habit of having cake for breakfast.”

“Then you must take a slice with you!” Haru walked past him and over to her cake display, lifting the glass lid and taking a piece out.

“Alright, if you insist,” Akechi conceded, coming to a stop in front of Akira, who moved on to scooping the grounds into the damp filter. The proximity made it near impossible to keep his eyes off the detective, but Akira somehow managed it, forcing himself to pay attention to his pour.

“Actually, would you mind if I borrowed your barista for a moment, Okumura-san?”

Akira snapped his head up from his preparations and met Akechi’s eyes once more ( God damnit! ). Which was a really dumb idea as a shock of pain spiked down his neck. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop from wincing.

A dangerous glint appeared in that maroon gaze that catapulted Akira’s thundering heart into his throat.

“Is he in trouble?” Haru peered over her shoulder from where she was packing a bright pink slice of cake into a to-go container.

“He might be,” Goro murmured just loud enough for Akira to hear, then broke their eye contact to address Haru, “I assure you, nothing of the sort.” He smiled that infuriatingly fake smile at her, complete with an innocent tilt of his head. “I just need to ask him a few questions, in private.”

Haru shot Akira a questioning stare, Do you need me to say no?

He shrugged nonchalantly, or as nonchalantly as someone who was having a very intense internal meltdown over an insanely attractive man could, and said, “It’s fine, Haru.” He continued to pour the scalding water in a circular motion over the coffee grounds in the filter, doing his best to quiet all the alarm bells in his head.

His response must have come off convincingly enough because Haru nodded and said, “Well, I can’t see why that would be a problem.” She hesitantly returned Akechi’s smile. “But I will need him back in a bit when the morning rush hits.”

“This shouldn’t take too long,” Akechi turned and gestured to a table in the corner of the cafe--far away enough from the counter that Haru couldn’t possibly overhear their conversation. Then under his breath he added, “As long as Kurusu-kun doesn’t resist, that is.”

Akira cleared his throat, willing his throbbing heart to drop back into its cage between his ribs. “Go on, I”ll join you when I’m finished.”

Akechi nodded, leaving the yen for his coffee on the counter and sauntered away. Akira topped off the pour over and transferred the liquid into the to-go cup. On his way around the counter he snagged what was left of his miracle tea and took a swig. He hoped it would replenish his mental reserves to handle the upcoming verbal sparring match he was sure he was about to walk into.

Akechi, in his immaculate glory, was leaning back in his chair languidly with one dark clad leg crossed. He watched Akira closely as he wandered over with their drinks. Akira suddenly felt incredibly out classed and underdressed in his usual cardigan-v neck combo he had going on compared to Akechi’s tan suit jacket and pressed button down shirt.

He slid into the seat opposite Akechi and pushed his coffee across the table. Akechi nodded in thanks and brought it to his lips.

Akira pretended he didn’t watch the way Akechi’s throat moved as he swallowed his first sip.

The detective hummed approvingly. “Black.”

“The way you actually like it,” Akira said with a knowing smile. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

“Is it now,” Akechi chuckled darkly against the lid still pressed to his lips. “Sadly, my coffee preferences are the extent of where your knowledge of me ends.”

In the tenuous silence that descended after that statement, they sipped at their respective drinks. Gazes not once wavering off one another.

“I assume you know why I’m here,” Akechi finally said, cutting the tension.

“When I said ‘come get me ’ I didn’t mean ‘corner me at work ’,” Akira hissed over his cup of miracle tea.

He could think of many other, far more superior places he would have loved to be cornered by Akechi in. But Akira kept that part to himself.

The detective leaned forward, resting his chin on his fist. “You do realize if this were a real investigation and I caught you as unaware as you were this morning, you being at work with your Boss present wouldn’t have deterred me.”

Akira stole a glance at Haru, who was busy writing the specials of the day on their blackboard, then drained the rest of his tea.

Akechi followed his gaze and continued on in a saccharine tone that contradicted the alluring smile his mouth had split into again, “But since it’s not, I highly doubt you want an audience for when I bend you over the counter and take what I want from you.”

Akira promptly choked.

Any lingering doubt Akira may have had about Akechi’s preferences evaporated. Akechi knew exactly what he was saying. He had to have, right? There was no heterosexual explanation for that response.

Point to Akechi, he thought, accepting the fact his face was probably as red as the flowering plant hovering three inches above his head.

“How considerate,” Akira managed to rasp once he got his tea to go down his throat correctly. Swallowing burned like a bitch. Now he had to deal with a sore throat on top of the rebellion being staged by his heart and stomach, and the leftover vertigo from his hangover.

“Will you hand it over now?” the detective asked with a hint of sugar coated venom.

“Hate to disappoint, but you’ll be walking away empty handed this morning. I left it in my room.”

Which wasn’t a lie. In his haste to recover from last night’s escapade and get to work on time, he hadn’t thought to grab the handkerchief. The last thing he expected was this.

“I think you’re sending me mixed signals.”.

“Am I?”

“You tell me you want one thing, then act like you didn’t expect it to come to fruition when I follow through on it so I’m curious,” Akechi titled his head and his hair shifted, shining ethereally in the early morning sun streaming through the window. “What is it you really want, Kurusu?”

For you to fuck my brains out, Akira thought. But admitting that so bluntly to Akechi’s face felt like defeat. So, he kept the stupid illusion of their game going and leaned in.

“I want to see if the Detective Prince is really as good at his job as the rumors say he is.” Akira mirrored the detective’s head tilt and offered him a crooked grin. “I won’t be that easy.”

“If you want me to physically remove it from your person, then I must insist from this point forward you carry it with you. If every time I corner you, you… aren’t ready,” Akechi’s smile grew wider, “then doesn’t that defeat the purpose? And unlike you it seems, my time and attention is limited.”

“Rude.” Akira mimicked the detective’s posture, dropping his chin into his palm. “My time is limited too. I just can’t have you stalking me at work. And--” what Akira really meant to say next was , I cannot possibly work and retain my sanity with you watching me like that all the time. But instead said, “--Think of Okumura-san’s business. You’ll scare away her customers.”

Akechi shot him an unimpressed look. “Somehow I highly doubt that.”

Wow. Cocky bastard.

"Well,” Akira said, changing tactics by imbuing a little bit of truth, “I imagine you can relate to not wanting to be distracted at work, with your fans and all.”

“They can be...rather inconvenient at times, yes.” Akechi studied him intently. “Alright then. Let’s make a deal.”

“Making a deal with the enemy? Akechi,” Akira feigned a gasp, “don’t tell me you’re a dirty cop.”

The detective snorted into his coffee. “I’m going to choose not to entertain that comment and suggest we establish some ground rules.”

“I thought rules didn’t exist in investigations,” Akira said mischievously.

“Like I previously stated, good thing this isn’t one, then?”

They shared a private smile.

“I propose this,” Akechi said, straightening up, hands clasped on the table. “From this point on, you will carry it on your person. I will catch you off guard within the next two weeks and take back what is rightfully mine. Our working hours are exempt from this. Obviously, the common spaces in the dormitory will be too by default. Should you ever need me as your RA, that will come first and foremost, I take my duties seriously. As should you. I think you’ll find these terms agreeable and respectful of each other’s time. Unless there are any other locations you want to deem off limits.”

Akira made a show of considering Akechi’s words, tapping a finger against his cheek. This was literally the most drawn out, intellectually charged foreplay Akira had ever engaged in but he couldn’t say it didn’t excite him. In fact, there was something exhilarating about it.

“No. Everywhere else is fair game.”

“Really?” Akechi inquired, grin breaching that rapacious territory again. “Be careful what you agree to, Kurusu.”

Akira shrugged and leaned back.

“So,” Akechi prompted, “you won’t say no, will you?”

Of course he was going to accept. So Akira simply said, “I think I’ll hold on to your handkerchief.” And then held out his hand. It felt like the right thing to do.

“Hah, excellent,” Akechi smiled and shook it firmly. The leather was soft and warm as it dragged against Akira’s palm. “Otherwise, I will be forced to order a room inspection and somehow I doubt that is how you want this to play out.”

“If you are inspecting the room while I’m in it, then I might be.”

Right after the words left his mouth, the logical part of his brain that wasn’t stuck on being hungover and horny on main finally spoke up and reminded him of the very important, expulsion worthy, major cockblock that was currently being housed in his room: Morgana.

But then Akechi’s mouth upturned devilishly, and suddenly Akira decided he’d cross that furry bridge when he got to it.

“Well, then. I must be off. Thank you for the coffee,” Akechi said, dropping Akira’s hand as he stood up. “I have an interview taping in…” he checked his phone and sighed, “just over an hour. Hopefully the trains are on schedule.”

Akira tilted his head. “Still doing those?”

“Yes, keeping up appearances on behalf of the precinct,” Akechi explained, “I may be officially on hiatus as a full time student, but I still pick up cases from time to time. The media wants to know how I balance it all.”

“Ah. Explains the get up.”

Akechi bristled at the comment, his nose wrinkling ( cute! ) and brows drawing down as he straightened his already perfectly straight tie. “What’s wrong with my outfit?”

“Nothing,” Akira teased with a lilt in voice, “It’s nice, maybe a little stuffy.” He deliberately looked Akechi up and down. “But I bet you’d look better out of it, judging by what I saw you wear the last time you showed up here.” He couldn’t fight the coy smile his mouth twisted into even if he tried. “If you’re looking to show off, those shorts from yesterday would do a better job.”

The call out was meant to fluster Akechi, but the detective’s face remained remarkably even toned. Flawless even. Too flawless.

Could he be... he's totally wearing makeup.

Akira lifted a brow pointedly.

That did the trick, earning Akira a heated glare before Akechi turned his head sharply away. The movement roughly shifted the hair around his face, revealing a sliver of skin previously hidden. To Akira’s rapidly dawning delight, the detective’s neck was rapidly turning pink.

“Shut. Up. Kurusu.”

Oh, so Akechi blushes all the way down when he’s flustered. Fascinating. Akira filed the thought away for… later.

For totally innocent purposes.

Totally.

Akira stood up and slipped in front of Akechi, demanding to be looked at. Giddy with his new discovery. “Oh? What’s this? He can dish it out but can’t take it?”

Akechi’s eyes flashed as he brought himself up to his full height, and stepped into Akira’s space. Scowling down the few centimeters he had on him, he forced Akira to take a step back. “You,” he said lowly, continuing to move forward, making Akira walk backwards until his back hit the counter, “are a brat .”

“Just figuring that out now, detective?” Akira smirked. “I thought that was obvious.”

From this close Akira could see just how gorgeous the detective’s eyes truly were. Flecks of light red dotted the center most part of his eyes, giving off the illusion of glittering in the light. He was close enough that if Akira leaned in a fraction more their noses would touch.

A very polite, soft cough came from somewhere on Akira's right.

The detective’s eyes widened in shock. He quickly put space between them again and turned to face Haru, who was standing in between the kitchen and the counter area looking anywhere but at them.

Akira owed her now a second apology.

“I wish both of you a good day,” Akechi gracefully recovered and turned on his heel. He flexed his shoulders as he opened the door but stopped with one foot out the door.

“Oh, and Kurusu-kun?” Akechi turned halfway to face him, “Be sure to check your email this afternoon.”

And then he was gone.

***

It’s Always Snack Time in Tokyo

SEPT 1ST 8:00 AM

[Takuto Maruki] Hello! I was going to wait until I saw you in person, but I can’t resist telling you the good news! I submitted the paperwork to bring on an official research assistant. The chair of the department should grant me an answer by the end of the week. The position is yours once I get the documented approval.

[Takuto Maruki] That is, if you are still interested in conducting research with me like you did over the summer

[Akira Kurusu] I am

[Takuto Maruki] Even more wonderful!

[Akira Kurusu] Won’t it be unethical if you don’t let other people apply for the position though?

[Akira Kurusu] You can’t play favoritism

[Takuto Maruki] I, fortunately, get to make the rules in this situation and I wrote that I could appoint the position to any student that met certain criteria and showed promise in the field

[Akira Kurusu] You literally wrote the position description so that only I fit that criteria, didn’t you

[Takuto Maruki] You would be correct! :D

[Takuto Maruki] So if you’re free and want to get a jump start on assisting, I was hoping to recruit you this upcoming Friday to proctor an exam.

[Akira Kurusu] An exam? The second week of class? Savage Sensei

[Takuto Maruki] It is a 300 level that meets M/W/F so the curriculum moves fast. This cohort in particular is grasping the concepts at a much faster rate than the other two I teach for this course.

[Akira Kurusu] When is it? I open the cafe Friday mornings

[Takuto Maruki] 2pm

[Akira Kurusu] Okay, I can make that work. I’ll be there

[Takuto Maruki] Wonderful! :)

***

The Phantom Thieves of Cats

SEPT 1st 11:12 AM

[Skull] yo i am not back readin any of that

[Skull] wat did i miss?

✧ Oracle ✧ Changed Skull to Edgelord Can’t Read

[Edgelord Can’t Read] I CAN EFFIN’ READ!!!

[Edgelord Can’t Read] i said i wasn’t gonna, not that i cant big difference

[Edgelord Can’t Read] ur the one who cant read

[✧ Oracle ✧] wow gr8 comeback edgelord im so offended. what r we 7yrs old

[Edgelord Can’t Read] shuddup

***

Gotta Go Fast

SEPT 1st 11:28 AM

[Skull] BRO A CATWALK?! WTF?!?

[Skull] how the eff did u get down??

[Joker] My amazing cat-like reflexes

[Skull] bro

[Skull] how u feelin btw

[Joker] You know that feeling you get when you’re about to go over the hill on a rollercoaster?

[Joker] Like that

[Skull] oof

[Skull] ill make u my ma’s soup when ur shifts over, its the best for this kinda shit

[Joker] Why is everyone being so understanding with me today

[Skull] were ur friends man we gotchu

[Joker] alsdjflskf

[Skull] uh did the rollercoaster drop or smth

[Joker] Haha no

[Joker] Thanks Ryuji

***

The Phantom Thieves of Cats

SEPT 1st 2:01 PM

[Edgelord Can’t Read] UH HOLY SHIT EVERYONE CHECK UR EMAILS

[Panther] what?? why??

[✧ Oracle ✧] im surprised u even read ur email

[Joker] Oh.

[Joker] Fuck.

***

To: Shujin Hall_5th Floor

From: Akechi Goro; Niijima Makoto

CC: Kawakami Sadayo

Subject: Violation of Dormitory Rules

Dear Fifth Floor Residents of Shujin Hall,

This is a friendly reminder that there is a strict No Pets Policy in this Residence Hall. A contraband item, a can of pet food, was located on the floor inside the trash room on Friday night. As such, we will be conducting room inspections beginning tomorrow, starting with rooms located in the Girls’ Wing. Let this be an example to all that the consequences for violating this rule will be termination of their dormitory agreement and the loss of their on campus housing status. Any additional charges will be determined by the Residence Hall Director, Kawakami Sadayo.

If you have any further information on this subject, please feel free to contact us.

We hope you have a wonderful rest of your weekend.

Sincerely,

Your Resident Assistants

Akechi Goro

University of Tokyo | Class of 20XX Criminal Justice / Psychology Major | Philosophy Minor [email protected]

Niijima Makoto

University of Tokyo | Class of 20XX Criminal Justice Major | Psychology & Law Minor [email protected]

#akeshu #shuake #akeshuake #goro akechi #persona 5 royal #persona 5 #akira kurusu #goro akechi x akira kurusu

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ardenttheories · 4 years

Note

I don't expect a super serious answer from this, but I'm just curious. in a perfect world, how would hs^2 be written? do you have any particular headcanons or plot lines that would be interesting to explore? I understand the hesitation in answering a question like this, because other people might try to discredit your critiques under the guise of "well its not ur headcanons so that's why ur mad". anyways, just curious because I respect your perspective and ideas

In complete honesty? The first thing I would consider vital is a diverse team of people - genuinely diverse - to consider every point of representation with. I’m talking people of different races (to avoid the anti-black coding of Gamzee), with mental illnesses (to avoid the ableism in both Gamzee and Dirk), with different gender identities (to more accurately and healthily portray Jade, Roxy, Vriska, June - any character we could feasibly want to make trans or nonbinary), with different romanticisms and sexualities (so that we could write genuine MLM and WLW relationships without falling into homophobic pitfalls; to avoid biphobic stereotypes), and overall, with different traumatic experiences and triggers (so that we could more accurately gauge what triggers would need to be tagged and how to go over them in an appropriate and respectful manner).

We could never be 100% perfect, but with a team like that, we could at least get close to it.

Additionally, I’d bring back either fan prompts or closely listen to fan theories and conversations. Homestuck^2 was touted to be written with the fandom in mind; to consider the direction we were asking it to go in, while basing it around a general barebones structure. I’d want to make sure we were including as much of that in as humanly possible. So, if a fan theory seemed like it’d fit into the story? I’d want to include that with the rest of the text; if the fans liked a specific character? I’d want to try and include them more often. Little things to show that we’re listening and that we’re writing the story WITH the fans - like how early Homestuck used to be.

On an actual storyline basis, I really do love the concept of Meat and Candy; that there’s one timeline that goes off the rails and one that is very rigidly stuck to a track. I wouldn’t want to change that concept entirely, but I would want to make it more palpatable for people to read.

This would mean, for me, absolutely getting rid of anything to do with Yiffany. I’d completely replace that with Dave and Jade having a child together via ectobiology; how Jade has to raise their child in Dave’s absence after he goes missing, how that affects her, who she turns to for comfort and help.

I’d want to focus Candy more on that feeling of helplessness and dissociation. On John feeling adrift in a world that doesn’t quite connect with him, that doesn’t entirely feel real; how that would affect his relationships, his friends, his family. In this timeline, all of the rebellion stuff would be completely background to the interpersonal connections everyone has (the things that supposedly don’t matter, as is the point of Candy), with much more emphasis on how useless and frivolous the whole war is. It’d get to a point where nobody actually knows why they’re fighting anymore except for the fact that they are, and that even Jane, who started it out of a genuine fear for the human race, is getting tired of it, is losing resources, is starting to realise that she’s drifting away from her own child.

A truce would be garnered, started by Jane who just very much wants to reconnect with her son, with Karkat taking on the role as troll emissiary. It features long talks in a large, empty room, pouring over papers, where Jane admits that she doesn’t actually know what anyone is up to these days, how long it’s been since she’s seen her husband, since she’s seen John, and Karkat quietly confesses that it’s been several years since he’s seen Dave or Jade, and that he misses them both.

After that, a lot of the content of Candy would focus on healing. They would get back to their happily ever after, even though some things would never be the same, and there would still be inconsequentialities. It would also correspond with John coming to the slow realisation that he really doesn’t need a plot to be happy at all; that just because it doesn’t matter to the overarching story doesn’t mean it can’t matter to him.

The Candy timeline, therefore, would close early; it would fade from our view just as Dirk feared, but it would be happy and content, and free from any further meddling. I’d essentially want to enforce this idea that, yes, we can still have happy endings - even if they aren’t “full of meaning”. They can still be satisfying.

The Meat timeline, on the other hand, would have a significant focus on Dirk and his attempts to continue the plot. I think it would be fun, admittedly, if nothing went the way he thought it would. That after all of his villany and his acceptance of destruction in order to facilitate something he thought would be better, he actually just lost complete and utter control.

The plot isn’t something that he alone can continue. It’s created with character conflict, with motivations and rises and falls and losses and gains; trying to recreate SBURB, to try and restart the cycle, isn’t what a plot needs to be. It isn’t what he thinks it will do.

I’m unsure if you’ve seen this recently, but there’s been a lot of fanwork around the Lord!Jake English idea that went around several years back (when people saw the Caliborn sona). Now, this I’d want to put into it.

Jake, fed up with being stepped on, walked over, hurt, suffering from the trauma of being completely and utterly ruined by Dirk, absolutely flips shit. He chases after Dirk to seek revenge, to cut short whatever bullshit he’s trying to do, and therefore much of the comic becomes this constant back and forth with an increasing fear for Dirk the closer Jake gets as he traverses Paradox Space.

It’s very much clear that when Jake arrives, Dirk will lose. There’s no question about it. Nobody suggests that anything else will happen. There’s several arguments on Meat’s Earth C over whether or not they should try to stop Jake, or let him stop Dirk - and whether or not Jake will calm down afterwards or continue his rampage.

In the end, Dirk fails. Jake catches up to him, and just before he hits the killing blow, the entire thing goes dark. Our narrator dead, the plot abandoned; there is nothing more to see. This I would want to use to enforce the idea that, yes, plot can still be satisfying as hell and still have integral moments and be heavy and harsh - but it can also end in a way that leaves open questions because that shows that it isn’t the best ending you can get.

And then we jump back to Terezi, using her Seer powers. Both timelines have been her trying to use her powers to See what’s in store, where she should go, what she should do. She’s still floating through Paradox Space, looking for Vriska, and as such she’s met with this... sort of internal dilemma.

She knows, now, that the chances of her dying out here are high. She also knows that even if she does survive, she’s pretty much never going to see Vriska again anyway. She knows there’s a chance at a happier relationship with John, and that the only way she can get that is if she somehow manages to make a timeline where Meat and Candy merge together at once.

So, she flies back. She manages to arrive on Earth C the day of John’s big decision, and interrupts him before he can go to the picnic. Through their dialogue, John gets it stuck in his head that, hey, there’s something BIGGER out here that you need to do, but you need to do that amazing thing again where you make a third Choice.

When John arrives at the picnic, he decides to eat some of the pumpkin instead - to which you might be thinking, what pumpkin? The one he put there, of course, using his retcon powers.

So we start on the Pumpkin timeline, written entirely in the 1st person narrative from John’s POV. It’s a completely biased interpretation of what’s going on, but it’s honest to John’s own thoughts and feelings, too, allowing everyone to act the way they usually would do without any influence, but still having a narrative touch.

It shows John actively fighting to free the timeline from Dirk’s and Alternate Calliope’s narrative controls, those little hooks they’ve planted in it since time began, with a lot of back-and-forth as the two talk to John through the narration (which, he hears their voices as thoughts in his head).

John attempts to free them both from their own biases and chains, encouraging Alternate!Calliope to leave the space she’s isolated herself in and join Earth C while convincing Dirk to undo the bullshit villain schtick he’s on (and that plot or no plot, there’s still a reason worth living for).

It’d be a timeline filled with references back to original Homestuck (and funny quips from both Alternate!Calliope and Dirk along the way), a lot of morality discussion, plenty of theorising on narrative control and arcs and the placement of plot and fluff in a satisfying story, and have plenty of representation and romance and hints towards kids, too (such as nonbinary RoxyJaneCallie, DaveJadeKat, aromantic Jake, JohnDirk [because I couldn’t stop myself, honestly, with how their Classpects work so well hand in hand], and definitely RoseMary being the first to adopt a child that they absolutely do not call Vriska).

It’d fill plotholes the fandom wants to be filled, and it’d have drama, of course, in the form of figuring out a way to destroy Lord English that doesn’t inherently lead to the Candy timeline. But it’d go back and forth between the heavy, plot-filled moments and the slower, relationship-based moments, with more humanising and development of Dirk and Alternate!Calliope and John as rounded characters.

That’s the best my tired mind can come up with right now. It’s something I’ve daydreamed about a lot, actually; how I’d rewrite Homestuck^2, or what my own ending to Homestuck would be using it as a foundation. I hope it makes sense! It’s a fun little thought experiment, honestly.

#long post//#ardenttheories #homestuck^2 critical #Anonymous

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tigerkirby215 · 4 years

Text

5e Seraphine, the Starry-Eyed Songstress build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

I mean I’m going to have to build her eventually, right? Honestly Tasha’s Cauldron comes out tomorrow so I may as well take a bit of a cheat day and make a build for the new champ. I mean I still have to and pick out a bunch of spells so at least I’m doing that?

Samira build is going to come out sometime in the year 3587 lol.

GOALS

Lookin' for a song in everything I meet! - Seraphine is a stage performer, rallying the whole crowd into song to make it loud and proud!

You're all breathtaking! - Seraphine can unite everyone around her with shields and heals. COUGH SONA COUGH.

Sing it with me! - When the time comes Seraphine can bring the whole world closer together! Good thing she isn’t mute.

RACE

I would really love to do a funny joke and say that Seraphine is a Tiefling or an Orc or something but no: she’s a Human. I can’t even justify any of the Eberron races so we’ll just be going for good ol’ Variant Human.

As a human you can increase two ability scores of your choice: pump up your Charisma and Dexterity to keep fit and beautiful. You can also learn a skill of your choice and for hearing so strong you can hear the voices of a dying nation inside your special necklace take Perception proficiency. You can also take any language of your choice so I’d suggest one that fits with your group, or whichever one you think is Korean. Actually I think Seraphine sung in Chinese which also made people mad? Man Riot can’t stop making her controversial, huhn?

But of course the main appeal of Variant Human is the free feat at level 1. I think Alert is pretty good for mimicking super sensitive hearing. Along with a +5 bonus to initiative you can’t be surprised nor can you be snuck up on. Being able to hear everyone has its perks, huhn?

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - If you’re gonna get the crowd to adore you you’ve gotta look the part.

14; CONSTITUTION - I don’t care if Seraphine is a squishy midlane mage we simply don’t need anything else more. Feel free to swap this out with a different stat if you want better roleplay but worse health.

13; DEXTERITY - You need to be able to keep your balance on a moving platform as well as be able to dance along with the K/DA crew.

12; WISDOM - Seraphine’s big thing is being able to hear the emotions of everyone. Knowing what makes people tick is Insight, which is a Wisdom skill.

10; INTELLIGENCE - Seraphine is just your average, everyday girl. Ditzy and a little clueless.

8; STRENGTH - Seraphine can best be described as “petite.” Muscles in the chest hurt your nice soprano.

BACKGROUND

Now you may not know this but Seraphine is a singer, which is a type of Entertainer. As an Entertainer you get proficiency in Performance (obviously) and Acrobatics as well as a music instrument of your choice (Indie Seraphine plays guitar so grab a Lute) and a Disguise Kit, so maybe you can disguise the fact that you’re a copy of So...

Being the premier superstar of Piltover means that you get to tour around a lot By Popular Demand. You can perform in exchange for a place to stay, and doing so will get people to notice you! "Music helps you keep your head up."

(Artist unknown. Blame LoL Wiki. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - BARD 1

YOU MAY BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT SERAPHINE IS A BARD. As a Bard you get proficiency in three skills as well as three instruments! Choose whatever instruments you want (you mostly sing, and the majority of magical instruments are Lutes anyways which you’re already proficient in) (my secret advice? Pan Flutes and Horns have a few magic instruments) but for your skills take Insight to hear the crowd, Persuasion to rally the crowd, and Arcana to learn why your magic crystal is screaming.

You also get Bardic Inspiration! Seraphine talks about being inspired so she can inspire others, and you can inspire your allies with a d6 to add to Attack Rolls, Saving Throws, and Skill Checks!

But of course Bards are spellcasters with Spellcasting too! You can learn two cantrips from the Bard list: Prestidigitation will let you get some special effects on stage and Vicious Mockery doesn’t have to be mockery... It would just be a lot cooler if it was.

You also learn four spells from the Bard list: Comprehend Languages will let you understand everyone’s song, and Faerie Fire will let you light up their life. On the more unnerving end Dissonant Whispers will let folk listen to your crystal, and Detect Magic will let you tell exactly what kind of magic you’re hearing. That’s weird: why is the Hextech crystal radiating Necromancy?

LEVEL 2 - BARD 2

Second level Bards are Jack of All Trades, being able to add half their proficiency bonus to any skill check. Because you see the rhythm in everything! Additionally you get Song of Rest, helping your friends take a break and recover more health during short rests.

But most importantly you get another spell! Another way to cheer someone up is to give them a good laugh, and Tasha’s Hideous Laughter will make them do just that! Maybe they’re laughing about the fact that Riot keeps insisting your not a copy of Sona? Oh don’t worry the jabs at Seraphine as a character are just gonna keep coming.

LEVEL 3 - BARD 3

Third level Bards get Expertise in two skills: choose Insight to hear the souls of both cities, and Performance because... yeah duh. You don’t become famous in a day.

But much more importantly you get your choice of Bard College, and for the rich and fabulous the College of Glamour will make sure everyone loves you! You can now officially captivate the whole audience (up to your Charisma modifier) with your Enthralling Performance, charming them and making them idolize you and defend you on Twitter. To both shield your allies and speed them up with Surround Sound Mantle of Inspiration takes a Bonus Action to give them Temporary Hitpoints and let them take a reaction to move out of danger. Yeah this was pretty much on a silver platter for me so I figured I’d take it.

You can also learn another spell and for an effective Beat Drop take Hold Person, rooting them in place for long enough that your ADC can do their magic.

LEVEL 4 - BARD 4

4th level comes with your first Ability Score Improvement. Charisma is pretty much everything for us now so pumping that up would be helpful!

You can also learn another spell and another cantrip! For your cantrip Dancing Lights will let you light up your stage and also pulls double duty by letting your dumb human eyes see in the dark. As for leveled spells Suggestion is a more direct form of emotional manipulation, suggesting actions for the other person to take. These actions can’t be directly harmful or against what the character would normally do, but “you should buy my $30 release skin” is a fairly ordinary request, right?

(Picture from Seraphine’s Twitter. Yup Seraphine is definitely real.)

LEVEL 5 - BARD 5

5th level Bards get Font of Inspiration, allowing their Bardic Inspiration to come back on a Short rest instead of a Long rest. This is great because your Bardic Inspiration die also increases to a d8, increasing your Mantle of Inspiration Temp HP too!

You can also learn third level spells but the keyword here is can because I’m actually going to stick at second to take spells like Calm Emotions. Man you’ll never guess what this spell does.

While Calm Emotions is a nice spell feel free to deviate from my builds as you see fit. Like seriously a temporary ceasefire is nice but so is a huge Fear cone.

LEVEL 6 - BARD 6

6th level Glamour Bards can make people dance like they have a magical instrument from Ionia. Mantle of Majesty lets you Concentrate on a not-spell once per Long Rest and get the ability to cast the Command actual-spell as a Bonus Action for one minute. Command lets you make one word commands at your enemy as long as they can understand you and you aren’t asking them to do something harmful to themselves. So commands like “Dance!” “Sing!” and “Cheer!” are all viable (though perhaps not effective in a teamfight.)

You can also add another spell to your spell list but again the third level Bard spells aren’t too enticing to me, so take Enthrall to make sure they concentrate on you and you alone.

Oh and you get Countercharm, letting you use an action to give allies against Frightening and Charming effects. Or they could buy some Tenacity. Or you could get a Paladin.

LEVEL 7 - BARD 7

7th level Bards get 4th level spells and Confusion will get the crowd mixed up in the noise, resulting in a cacophony that would sound like unbearable noise to most. Because it is unbearable noise. But at least your friends can fight them in the madness.

LEVEL 8 - BARD 8

8th level Bards get another Ability Score Improvement. Do you know what’s helpful for a class based entirely on Charisma? Maxed out Charisma!

You know what else is helpful? Charm Monster, so you can talk to any crystal scorpions that might be looking for their family. I mean, assuming the Brackern speak human.

(Picture from Seraphine’s Twitter. Yup Seraphine is definitely real.)

LEVEL 9 - BARD 9

9th level sees your Song of Rest increase to a d8. Does this ability scale really poorly? Yeah kinda.

At least you get 5th level spells now. If you want some high notes that’ll dance around you Animate Objects will let you make a bunch of tiny objects to hit your foes! Honestly at this point all the Enchantment spells become uhhh... evil? So we have to go for a different school if we want “good” spells.

LEVEL 10 - BARD 10

10th level Bards get Expertise in two more skills: Persuasion will help you shift the hearts of a nation. Take whatever skill you want as your secondary one since it honestly doesn’t matter too much. (I personally opted for Perception.)

But more importantly it’s Magical Secrets time! This will let you get any spell from any class’ spell list and add it to your own! Most of the time when you get this feature you want to grab some stuff at the max level you can cast but I’m actually going to go down to third level for some support and buffs! For a healing aura around you take Aura of Vitality from the Paladin spell list. To quickly charm a crowd Incite Greed will force everyone to be charmed by you as they want to see your 50 dollar Brackern Corpse... I mean Hextech crystal.

Along with your two Magical Secrets you also get another cantrip. Message is always good to keep plans in team chat.

LEVEL 11 - BARD 11

11th level Bards get 6th level spells like Otto's Irresistible Dance, which forces everyone to get into the rhythm! It’s much harder to fight when you’re dancing: it’s like being stunned! Good thing only you can force a stunning dance on enemies.

LEVEL 12 - BARD 12

12th level Bards get an Ability Score Improvement but now that your Charisma is maxed you can grab Inspiring Leader to rally everyone together for an awesome performance!

(Artist unknown. Blame LoL Wiki. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - BARD 13

13th level Bards see their Song of Rest increase to a d10, and this is the point where I make a joke about Song of Rest scaling poorly.

You at least get 7th level spells, and because none of these really fit Seraphine I’m going to suggest Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion for a K/DA stage. But again I need to remind people that I’m picking options for RP and you’re welcome to build the character however you want. Take what you think will be useful and make your own song!

LEVEL 14 - BARD 14

14th level Eloquence Bards have Unbreakable Majesty! As a Bonus Action you can put on your Ultimate Skin to force enemies to make Charisma saves if they try to attack you. If they fail, they’ll target someone else! This is a great way to keep the damage off you since you don’t exactly have great HP or AC. Do remember that it only lasts for a minute though, but you can get it back at the end of a Short or Long rest.

Additionally you get two more Magical Secrets! If you want to sing to enemies far and long (but maybe not Wide) Gravity Fissure is a Dunamancy spell that forces everyone in a line to take a massive amount of damage and be pulled to the center of the spell.

Now that you got your ultimate the world is honestly your oyster. My recommendation to get a crowd to put their hands up would be Chain Lightning, but that’s more because the spell is good than because it fits Sera.

LEVEL 15 - BARD 15

15th levels get their maximum Bardic Inspiration die of a d12! This also means that your Mantle of Inspiration will now give everyone 15 temporary hitpoints! "Harmonize!"

LoL Wiki doesn’t let me link to voice lines anymore and that’s a true crime.

And hey; 8th level spells! If you want to make some Gamers™ mad about your “cash grab” Twitter account just inflict them with Feeblemind so they can spam pictures of Skarner like the marketing department gets to choose what the champion designers make. Because remember: even if Seraphine isn’t real the people pretending to be her are, so don’t be an ass please!

LEVEL 16 - BARD 16

Who likes ASIs? We haven’t used our hyper-sensitive hearing enough so take the Observant feat for a +1 to Wisdom and a +5 to passive Perception and Investigation. And the ability to pick up on lyrics by reading people’s lips!

Are there more useful feats? Yeah, but we build for character here. If you want a powerbuild check out Reddit.

(Picture from Seraphine’s Twitter. Yup Seraphine is definitely real.)

LEVEL 17 - BARD 17

17th level Bards get to pretend that Song of Rest is a good ability! It’s a d12 now so I’m sure it’s useful now that your party all have around 100 HP!

But you finally get access to your mythical 9th level spells! Honestly all the options are great for a girl who has everything, but I’m going to go for the fun Music Video option of True Polymorph. Turn Akali into a dragon! Turn Evelynn into a demon! Turn Skarner into a battery! The possibilities are endless! (Unlike the #BrackernRights memes.)

LEVEL 18 - BARD 18

18th level Bards get their last two Magical Secrets. This is also the last two spells you’ll be getting so better make them count! Of course the best way to make a spell count is to Wish for anything. With this you can finally unite Piltover and Zaun, as long as you believe enough! Or you can bring back Skarner’s family...

For something a little more in-character and a lot more immediately practical: Mass Heal is the perfect Catch-22 to negate any burst. A burst of 700 HP to everyone is never not useful for a bit of Redemption.

LEVEL 19 - BARD 19

19th level Bards get their last Ability Score Improvement: we have an uneven Wisdom score thanks to our last Feat so eh. May as well take Resilient Wisdom for better saving throws and even scores.

LEVEL 20 - BARD 20

20th level Bards have Superior Inspiration! When you roll initiative and have no uses of Bardic Inspiration left, you regain one use. That is literally how the ability is worded. I mean, okaaaaay? At least you can spam Mantle of Inspiration a little more?

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Whole world hears me now! - You’re a full caster with no multiclassing! 9th level spells: no strings attached! You’ve even got a nice spread between Concentration spells and Non-Concentration spells, as well as both utility and combat spells.

Everyone fights to be heard; I'll fight to listen - Being a Bard means you’re good at just about everything, and particularly good at a select few things. 29 Passive Perception? +17 to Persuasion?

We've only just met and I'm already inspired - Who would’ve guessed that a Support class built to support well would be a good support? You’ve got charms, heals, and CC a plenty along with Inspiring Leader to bolster everyone before a battle and Mantle of Inspiration to keep everyone moving with the music!

CONS

Stage fright? Never heard of it - A lot of your BADDEST™ toys are locked behind big spell slots. You’ve only got two 6th level slots, and just one 9th level slot despite having three different 9th level spells to choose from. Again feel free to build your spell list however you want as I just picked what fit in character.

Pretend it's a big rehearsal - Your DEX is meh, your CON is meh. 140 HP isn’t godawful but it isn’t great when you’ll likely have 14 AC at best with Studded Leather. You know what’s really hot right now? Tattoos. See if your DM’s a cool dude who’ll pass you a Rare Barrier Tattoo from Tasha’s to essentially get Medium Armor! Elven Chain is also nice and pretty.

Joy's too quiet without sorrow on the downbeat - I don’t want to make two points related to your stats but they’re the only thing that’s really hurting in this build. Your only good stat is Charisma: and everything else ranges from meh (+2 in DEX / WIS / CON) to bad (0 in INT, -1 in STR.) While you’ll still be able to roleplay with Jack of All Trades skills your Saving Throws hurt. Your concentration is bad and anything heavy will break your petite spine in two. Luckily INT saves aren’t common but anything Strength or Constitution based will quickly put an end to your performance.

Uniting the world in song isn’t easy, but if anyone can do it it’s you. Harmonize, move with the rhythm, and unite everyone through song. There’s nothing you can’t do, and no one can bring you down down down down down down. Well, except perhaps an angry crystal scorpion monster and his army of Twitter followers.

(Artist unknown. Blame LoL Wiki. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

#Free Skarner #Brackern Rights #dnd #dnd 5e #dnd build #dnd guide #League of Legends #League of Legends Seraphine #k/da #k/da more #k/da seraphine #dnd bard

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thenugking · 4 years

Text

Grand Academy For Future Villains II: Attack of the Sequel, Chapter 11: Fall of Chapter Eleven. A commentary for Three.

General CW for the whole thing: parental abuse, internalised dehumanisation as a trauma response. Three’s not doing well.

Specific CW for this chapter: bad self care/mental breakdown

Game 1

Game 2

Alternatively, read on Google Docs here

***

LOADING PANIC MODE…

DO YOU REALIZE THE AUDITORS HAVE THE POWER TO REMOVE THIS SCHOOL FROM ITS STANDING OUTSIDE OF REALITY?! WE'D NEVER SURVIVE! AAAAAAUGH!

Well. Yes. That’s the thing Three’s been trying desperately not to think about this whole year, the reason they need the Academy to keep it’s accreditation. The lessons are valuable, the buildings are incredible, but they could stand to lose all of that. They don’t know that they could stand to lose DarkBoard.

The day of the tenure evaluation, you're summoned during lunch hour to the School Head's office—the real one, not the decoy used for the house challenge. Select members of the senior faculty are seated around a semi-circular marble table, before which stand the three candidates for a permanent position with the Grand Academy for Future Villains: your mother, her hair gone entirely white but splendidly dressed in flame-colored robes, Professor Ulik, in a well-tailored business suit, and Professor Fen, looking like their usual self (selves?) in—or possibly consisting of—a tall heap of sodden mouldering fabric. In the shadows behind them stand Lord X and Ms. Goul, and you feel the dry tickle in your throat that means the Voice in the Void is present for the proceedings as well.

"Don't think we've forgotten about you," you say to yourself, and cough as you realize it's the Voice in the Void speaking through you again. You close your hand on the envelope in your pocket, grateful that it doesn't seem to be able to read minds. What happened to Val? you wonder. But there's no sign on the impassive faces of the auditors.

With an electrical buzzing, the School Head appears over the semi-circular table. You can see each of the contending professors grow focused and alert as it begins to speak.

It gives a long speech in its usual vein about the importance of the Academy, and the importance of the faculty to the Academy, and the personal contributions of each of the candidates standing before it.

"We have three exceptional candidates for a single permanent faculty position this year," intones the Head, "of which one will be selected and the other two discarded in disgrace like the vermin they are. Let us consider each of them in turn. Professor Maedryn is an Academy alumna from the Science Fiction house, a conqueror of multiple worlds in her own narrative, and the parent of a current student you all have reason to be familiar with—Three. She is the central intelligence that commands the maintenance staff, the Faculty Sponsor for Science Fiction, and the current acting head of the Evil Genius department. She is also historically a substantial contributor to the Academy's operating fund."

Your mother smiles, nodding slightly to the other faculty members.

"Professor Fen is a graduate student who has been working toward a doctorate in Cosmic Horror since before earthly measurements of time were conceived or devised. Fen has served as a lab assistant to previous Evil Genius faculty members, and…" The Head seems at a loss to say anything else definitive about Fen. "And would be very cheap to maintain. If Fen is not selected for a permanent faculty position, Fen may continue indefinitely as a lab assistant, or may crawl down into the dungeons for lurking purposes."

Fen wobbles.

"Finally, Professor Ulik has numerous high-profile evil architecture design-build projects under her belt. She is the Faculty Sponsor for Thriller and is the project manager for the current landscape redesign on the Academy quad. She participated in the internal disturbances last year, and has been demonstrating her complete contrition and re-education over the course of this year."

Ulik bows briefly from the waist.

"In consultation with the senior members of the Academy faculty, the members of the Board of Visitors and Overlords, and the composite intelligence of DarkBoard, we are now ready to announce our decision."

Three very much would like to think the auditors have forgotten them. Why haven’t the auditors forgotten them? All they’ve been doing is standing in the background while Ulik impresses the auditors, and giving a mediocre performance in the genre tournament. They don’t even have perfect grades any more! If there was a positive side to their grades slipping, it should be that Three is now completely unnoticeable. This has to be Val’s fault. Did Val tell the auditors they made Three the Academy’s fatal weakness? And why? Three doesn’t matter! Why does anyone imagine they matter at all?

Onto the tenure candidates. Three is glad that the Head does not seem to place much value on having Fen as a tenured professor, but also that they’ll be allowed to remain here even without tenure. They feel a lot of sympathy for Fen and would prefer that helping Ulik didn’t mean potentially hurting them.

The competition really seems to be between Maedryn and Ulik though, and they both have more to lose if they fail. Three doesn’t want to imagine the consequences of Maedryn’s wrath if that happens--either for the Academy or for themself, personally. Ulik will lose at least her job, and quite likely her life, too. Three is relieved the Head makes no mention of dismemberment, though.They hope, desperately, that even if she doesn’t receive tenure, Ulik will have proven her loyalty enough to avoid that.

As for Ulik’s complete contrition and re-education… it’s not as though Three and Ulik talk about the rebel college, or anti-heroism, or the fact that Professor Mortwain’s still suspended in the courtyard, but they’re still not entirely sure Ulik is all that contrite or re-educated. What they are sure about is that Ulik is smart and practical, that people sometimes go along with all sorts of things they don’t agree with to protect themselves, and that a lot of villains are egotistical enough not to notice the difference between that and genuine agreement.

"Professor Ulik, congratulations."

The smile of pleasure that lights Professor Ulik's face makes you almost smile yourself to see it.

"And congratulations are also due to Three, Ulik's teaching assistant this year, whom we have with us today. Your master has ascended, young student, and you will ascend with her."

Three has learnt to be very good at keeping their face blank, but this is certainly a time they struggle with that. Smiling that Ulik received tenure while Maedryn is present is completely out of the question, but they are internally delighted. For a moment, at least, before remembering they will now have to deal with Maedryn’s reaction.

That's the kind of laugh that even other villains know to back away from. Ulik is already inching toward the shelter of the marble table. You can't see Fen at all.

"Tenure!" Your mother's laughter lasts a full minute and a half. She reaches up to her head, and without even wincing, rips out the shiny metal cortical amplifier that had been embedded in her skull. She tosses it into a corner. "Well that means I won't be needing that any more, will I."

From the halls outside you hear a strange sound. Thudding. Clattering. Your mother's newly mindless maintenance staff dropping their tools. But Professor Maedryn turns to you, green fire kindling in her eyes. "And…I think you've made it quite clear I won't be needing you."

She advances toward you, a wild and deadly rage written on her face. You recognize a villainous breakdown when you see it.

Three knows Maedryn better than maybe anyone, but they’ve never seen her like this before. She’s destroyed planets in fits of fury, but she’s always retained control over herself. Even with how concerned they were getting about her, even though they and Sona kept having to remind her to sleep and eat, it never really occurred to them that Maedryn was capable of just… breaking down. It terrifies them. Not just because they’re in genuine danger from her now, and for once she doesn’t have a use for them, but because their entire worldview is based around the single truth that Maedryn has complete control over them. And if Maedryn’s not in control, where does that leave Three?

I struggled with Three’s decision here. When Maedryn threatens you, you can call your teacher for help, and if you have over 60% on the tenure track (which Three does), they defend you. And die for you. It would be narratively fitting to have Three’s mentor die at the start of the final act. There’s some lovely symbolism to be found in Three’s mother figure defending them from their actual mother. But I’m still hoping we’ll have two more games/years of plot, and if that’s the case, I feel it might be better to kill Ulik (or at least tease killing her, I’m not sure how willing I am to actually go through with it) later down the line, when Three is closer to being a full-blown hero. I might go back and change this decision in future. It depends on what works best with what a third and fourth game give us. Or if I plan out an imaginary third and fourth game. Or if I plan out a longer, more final ending to the second one.

In any case, Three just falls into begging and grovelling and reminding Maedryn how very useful they can be, sounding far more panicky than they would really like. They think it’s working. They don’t know for sure, since Professor Gk brings down the ceiling to contain Maedryn. Three… is not entirely sure where to go from here.

Ms. Goul and Lord X are sitting by themselves in the Faculty Lounge when you arrive. There's no one else in the room. Is this the interview that you were warned about? Where is Val?

"Three. Please sit down."

There's nowhere to sit; all the chairs were removed and the three auditors are occupying the only two spots on the sofa and a nebulous position in the school's collective subconscious. The auditors are taunting you. This can't be a good sign.

You remain standing. With an effort of will, you keep from touching the letter in your pocket.

"Before we take the results of our deliberations to the whole Academy," says Ms. Goul, pressing her fingertips together, "we thought you should witness the full power of the auditing committee of the Board of Visitors and Overlords."

So the final auditor has arrived! But where—

"Our fourth member." Lord X waves a hand at the bookshelf-covered wall. It begins to revolve, and through the door walks a familiar figure.

At first you can hardly believe it.

Three absolutely does not remain standing. They were given an order, and are not going to disobey the most powerful people imaginable. My first thought was that they sit on the floor, but thinking about it further? They kneel. They want to show obedience and subservience, that they are not a threat and that they acknowledge the auditors as far greater than them. It’s also a versatile position from which they can easily spring up, or roll out of the way, if needed.

As for the fourth auditor… I mean, in-game, I get Val, but out of the two options, one of them just works much better.

Phil?!

"Three, you old sinner! They told you'd been messing about with the muckety-mucks and I didn't believe it!" Your old friend slaps you on the back, ruffles your hair, punches you in the arm hard enough to hurt.

"Phil? But how—I thought you—"

"Expelled from the Academy with extreme prejudice? Oh to be sure, to be sure. But you know me." Phil flashes a winning smile, the smile that had seen him through three years of determined slacking at the Academy. "People like me, we only fall up."

You'd known Phil's family was powerful. But powerful enough to ensure Phil a spot on the Board of Visitors and Overlords?

"I'm more a visitor than an overlord," Phil admits, perching on the arm of the chair and putting an incongruous arm around Lord X. "Very junior member, of course, but they thought I might have some specific expertise in this matter. I told them I'd only taken the position because I'd been told there was no work whatever involved, so I'm very displeased about it all. But hey, I got to see you! And no hard feelings about the heartless betrayal. It was the easiest thing to do, in your position, and I don't blame you for it at all."

Three is surprised, and relieved, and delighted enough to see Phil that they don’t even tell him not to touch their hair. They aren’t sure whether they believe there are no hard feelings. With anyone else, they wouldn’t. With Phil, it could easily be true. Either way worries them.

Ms. Goul coughs and sets three massive binders on the coffee table.

"We've been conferring on the question of the continuing accreditation of the Grand Academy for Future Villains. We are currently divided. I say the state of the management and educational standards at the school does not merit our accreditation of the body. Lord X says it does. And the Voice in the Void says—"

Phil's mouth falls open and a blast of white noise pours out.

"Yes, thank you, Voice," continues Ms. Goul, "but this is hardly conducive to resolving our debate. It comes down to Phil. I know you'll want to make a careful review of the evidence that we've assembled over the course of year in order to determine whether the Board of Visitors and Overlords can extend recognition to—"

"No," Phil says.

Well. That wasn’t entirely unexpected. Nor can Three entirely blame him, after the events at the start of the year. Back then, seeing Phil flung out of the Academy had inspired Three to take initiative and put themself at risk to protect Ulik, whatever the danger. And now he’s back, and his decision could cost DarkBoard their life. And whatever the danger, Three will not let that happen.

#I hold the Academy's fatal weakness. I am the Academy's fatal weakness. I invite them to reconsider their decision.

#three #marsh ocs #grand academy for future villains #choice of games #darkboard #sara ulik #maedryn #gavril philippe des anges dechus

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astro-b-o-y-d · 5 years

Text

Season 4, Episode 8

“Gwen isn’t your mother so stop asking her to rinse your dishes.” She might not be their mother, but she’s still Camp Mom c:

Hehehehe, Nikki’s still got that crush on Ered so OF COURSE she’s on her team.

Okay so they DIDN’T actually censor Gwen’s curse. Why’d they do it for Twitter??? Is Twitter being awful like Youtube or smth??

God, this scene is still super adorable. I love them so much

LIZARDS OF LOVE FANFICTION GROUP AWWWWWW GOOD FOR HER FOR HAVING FUN FANDOM TIME WITH HER FRIENDS

“What if they find out about my SECRET LIFE? *Low voice* That I’m a camp counselor?”

Yeah, don’t tell QM stuff, he’ll absolutely make it weird. You should know this by now, Gwen.

CAMPBELL TIME YEAH BABEY

“I miss my mom.” BABY OH NO OH ON COME HERE I’LL BE YOUR MOM FOR NOW JUST PLEASE NO TEARS

Liddol............Babpy...........

“This is my problem now, isn’t it?” YEAH GRANDPA COMFORT HIM

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW HE’S TRYING TO MAKE THE BABY FEEL BETTER.... IN A CRIMINAL WAY BUT IT WORKS SO I WON’T COMPLAIN

WHY do I recognize that tune?? What song is it based off??? That’s going to drive me NUTS.

“*Gasp* A mystery!” Goddddd, I love him. Also I like that he gets a chance to tone it down and be that soft David he is when he doesn’t have to be in Full Camp Counselor Mode.

R....ROWDY RUFF BOYS???????? Why do they want doll heads?????? I’m so confused???

“It’s a coffee shop in town, for ex-convicts.” JFGKDFGJKGJLHGLKG That’s a good joke. Also....Space Kid, which uncle was in prison??? WHICH ONE?? BUZZ???

God, I LOVE this dynamic between Space Kid and Campbell. I’m telling you, villains who are soft for Space Kid is a fun idea to play around with because he’s just so full of goodness.

...I want cookies now, looks like I’m having Oreos for breakfast.

Uh ohhhhh, more kids need Grandpa’s help!

“Did you EVEN consider that this might’ve caught one of the campers?” “You betcha.” “AND?” “And what?”

Sorry, David, you can’t Dad someone who I’m pretty sure isn’t human.

DAVID SQUIRREL !!!! Had a feeling it’d show up this episode.

....And it raised SO MANY more questions than it answered.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHE FOUND A LIZARD LOVING FRIEND !!!!!!!!

ChibiKawaiiCat91. G W E N YOU WEEB.

I can’t spell his URL because it’s still morning and I can’t quite process things but I like AnimeBoy, he’s a nice dude.

:( Sick baby....

Poor Preston. Don’t you know Campbell lived with the bears in those woods? He could probably talk them down for you.

“Just as I suspected. A temperature.”

“We’ll just...figure it out like we always do.” “Yeah, you’re right. We will.” I REALLY hope that phrase is repeated if Gwenvid DOES end up becoming endgame. Like imagine Gwen raises some concerns about dating her best friend because what if things don’t work out? And David repeats that back to her and she repeats what HE said and OH NO I’M SOFT.......Gwenvid writers, have fun with that.

SHE GOT HIM HIS NASAL SPRAY AWWW ;; Also God, the interactions between them is so soft and nice. Maybe it’s because, again, they’re not in Camp Counselor Mode so they’re allowed to unwind a bit. It’s sweet.

THEY’RE LIKE KITTENS I’M CRYING.

HE REALLY IS GRANDPA PISS AWWWWWWWWWW. Also I’m crying over the fact that all the kids coming to the counselor’s cabin in the middle of the night to sleep has probably happened on more than one occasion and I’m weak...............

“It’s about to be the best part of the day!” Yeah the part where the kids kill you for blowing a whistle to wake them up.

DAVID SINGING IN THE CREDITS MY HEART

ALFREDO ?????? DAMN NO WONDER I LIKED HIM, HE’S VOICED BY AN ABSOLUTE SWEETIE.

...Okay that was my favorite episode of the season so far. Not a lot happened, but it was so soft in a really nice way, likely due to the after hours concept where everyone can just turn off their work sonas and be themselves for a bit.

Also since we didn’t see the scene with David staring at the stars, and it seems to be the only thing left in the trailer we HAVEN’T seen (I THINK?), I’m predicting it’ll appear next week in the halfway mark episode. I can’t wait.

#Hayley Speaks #Camp Camp #CampCamp #Camp Camp Season 4 #Camp Camp Season 4 Spoilers #Long Post

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Nancy & Ava

Nancy: Hey Ava: Lá Fhéile Pádraig sona duit! Nancy: 🍀🧡🎩🌈💚 Nancy: impressed that you're not too 🍻 to type that out Nancy: anyone else would be disappointed, like Ava: Dad would say its a language you need a slur to speak properly Ava: but quietly 'cos he sounds too English for that to be a self-read Ava: Hope you demanded double complimentary drinks on the flight, it's your God-given right today Ava: every day might be a stretch, even on British Airways Nancy: You don't need to worry about repeating anything dad would say Nancy: on today of all days Nancy: unless you're gonna do it to make a point about our own accents Ava: Not like any of us are that Irish we need the translation Ava: There goes my speech though Nancy: Speak for yourself 'cause there's my excuse gone in the big 🍎 if not Nancy: and speaking of... Nancy: no need to worry about getting yourself to the airport either Ava: Americans can't understand anyone who doesn't speak through their nose and at full volume, facts Ava: Oh? Nancy: Yeah, I know Nancy: I've been working on the volume thing for a while now, I think I'm finally getting somewhere 🤞 Nancy: I'm sorry, Av Nancy: I'm not gonna make it back Ava: Sounds like hard work Ava: It's fine Ava: Priorities Nancy: You know what both mum and dad would have to say about hard work Nancy: Priorities too Ava: Exactly Nancy: I miss you though Nancy: catch me up Ava: When were you last here? Ava: Christmas? Ava: Hard to summarize three months really Nancy: It feels like forever Nancy: which is why I'm starting with you and not Saint Nancy: your larger vocab also helps, of course 😏 Ava: To say he's catching up is less and less offensive each day Ava: Probably a better conversationalist than you find Dad Nancy: No lie detected Nancy: but your dog is more fun to talk to than he is so Ava: Don't drag Frank into your petty feud Nancy: it'd only be petty if it started years ago for literally no reason and dragged on and on Nancy: oh wait... Nancy: yeah nevermind 🙄 Ava: Mhmm Ava: Not to mention one-sided Nancy: well he knows which side he picked Ava: 🙄 Nancy: those sessions where he joined me for therapy were definitely worth every penny Ava: Its psychiatry, not miraclework Nancy: 😂 Nancy: obviously should've 🙏 Ava: It's about self-improvement, is it not Ava: Not changing your parents Nancy: Ouch Nancy: am I not improved? Nancy: besides, wanting it all regardless is the McKenna mindset and getting your money's worth even more so Ava: 🤷 Nancy: wanting to drag me to Dublin for the festivities, understandable if not relatable but dragging me to hell Nancy: quite far tbh Ava: Its not like I knew you then or now Ava: And I'm pretty sure it's about internal validation too so I don't feel any need to comment Nancy: okay Ava: Have a nice day then Ava: Get a shamrock shake or go to a fake Irish bar Nancy: Oh lord Nancy: I won't be doing any of that, Americans who think they're Irish are vocal enough about it on every other day Nancy: they hear my last name and wanna tell me their great grandparents life story or something Ava: You're missing out Ava: But how many times can I repeat that either Nancy: You don't have to, I heard you the first time Nancy: my apologies can be repeated as many times as you like though Nancy: 'Cause I mean it, yeah? Nancy: I'll call mum, get you here soon instead Ava: Sure Ava: Easter, maybe Ava: I'm going away with my friends this summer Nancy: Definitely Nancy: Are you still with....? Help me out there, like Ava: Lyla Ava: and yeah Nancy: Right! Maybe you can bring her Ava: Cool Nancy: I promise not to point a camera in your faces the WHOLE time Ava: I don't care Ava: but she will give you an in-depth lecture on her angle, not plural so Nancy: if I can handle Ri's demands, I don't think I've got anything to worry about Ava: Possibly Ava: but I doubt Wren Taylor-Thompson ever commented on her 87 chins Nancy: point taken Ava: Next time I'll get a girlfriend who's less no flash photography Nancy: like you said, hard work and priorities Ava: Meh, not really Ava: Are you going to talk to Ri and Buster/Saint or am I passing on a message? Nancy: I'm sure he'll be too drunk to form a coherent sentence soon if he isn't already Nancy: but I'm sure I'll catch her Ava: It is a party here, after-all Nancy: Yeah Nancy: I remember what they're like Ava: Do you? Nancy: unavoidably so Nancy: my long term memory's the reliable one Ava: Sure Nancy: what? Ava: What? Nancy: if there's something you wanna say Ava: No? Nancy: okay then Ava: Bye then Nancy: I'll call mum this week about arranging Easter so I don't forget Ava: 'Course Ava: Don't do it now, we're all wasted Nancy: she'd never hear the phone over all that good craic Nancy: and Shane McGowan 🎵 Ava: As if they've not trained themselves to pick up vibrate from ten paces in any situation Nancy: 100 paces if it's a work call Nancy: but she knows I know better than to dial on such a holy day Nancy: it'd have to be life and death Ava: If she knew that she'd be waiting at the airport, like Nancy: she doesn't do waiting at airports Ava: Not for the forseeable Nancy: I'm doing her a favour and everyone else who'd have to endure how angry not being able to see through the crowds makes her Ava: Far as excuses go Ava: You can do better Nancy: if you wanna slag me off, you can do better too Ava: I don't Ava: I've got partying to do Nancy: 'course Ava: Don't try to put your feeling bad onto me Ava: or anyone else Nancy: I don't feel bad Ava: That's why you're convinced I'm slagging you off Ava: and you've spent the convo doing as much to everyone else Ava: sign of a clear conscience, that Nancy: convinced is a strong word Nancy: and I'm not slagging anyone off Ava: You've only felt the need to bring it up twice Nancy: I'm obviously reading this all wrong Ava: Obviously is a strong word Nancy: like you said, I must be projecting something Nancy: since nothing's wrong and you're well in the party mood Nancy: I've been working too hard, my 🧠 is clearly the only one mad at me Ava: Have you told mum and dad you aren't coming? Ava: 'Cos your 🧠 ain't nothing in comparison if not Nancy: they aren't actually expecting me Nancy: they know me better than you do Nancy: and that I'd already be there Ava: Not mad, disappointed Ava: Gotcha Nancy: exactly Ava: 👍 Nancy: go tell Buster to call me when he sobers up Nancy: but not a second before Ava: Maybe you should have a drink instead Ava: get on the level Nancy: drunk photography sounds better in theory Nancy: it never develops how you think it will and not in a good way Nancy: have one for me Ava: Its a holy day Ava: take it off Nancy: If I believed that I'd be there Ava: You said it Nancy: that they see it as one, yeah Ava: Mhmm Nancy: I don't drink unless I'm 💔 everyone knows that Ava: It's not compulsory Nancy: being the only sober adult in the room that isn't pregnant isn't my idea of how to spend a holy day well Ava: And working is? Ava: 🤷 Nancy: yeah Ava: Okay Nancy: so go make the most of yours Nancy: I'll be in touch Ava: 👋 Nancy: 💚 Slán 🧡

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aliciameade · 6 years

Text

Baby - Ch. 4

Title: Baby Author: aliciameade Rating: *** M *** Pairing: Stephanie Smothers/Emily Nelson Summary: That tearful kiss shared between Stephanie and Emily wasn't their first—and it certainly wasn't their last.

(Chapter 1)

Also on AO3.

“It’s in the second drawer of my dresser.”

“Good.”

Stephanie is sure to be prompt Monday morning when she drops off Miles at school. The last thing she wants is to have to face Sean after spending much of the weekend in his bed—and in her laundry room—with his wife. She feels like she’s wearing a giant scarlet letter as she walks her son from her car to the school’s entrance. She’s sure that every parent there knows exactly what she was up to over the weekend.

She hugs Miles goodbye and sends him to class to hurry back to the safety of her car. The relief is short-lived, however, when she realizes she’ll be back in seven hours to pick him up with an even narrower chance of not seeing Sean or Emily.

Not that she’d mind seeing Emily.

Not at all.

She’s actually intrigued to discover how their newfound dynamic will play out in a public setting. Maybe she’s even thrilled by the possibilities.

When she returns at 2:30, her heart races and her palms sweat as she waits outside the school for Miles. Sona and Darren and Stacy come and go, all making sure to make some type of underhanded comment to her while she waits.

She’s certain she hears Stacy whisper something that sounds less than proper to Darren while gesturing to her own neck and Stephanie’s ears ring. Her hand flies up to cover the marks left by Emily that hadn’t yet begun to fade—that she hadn’t thought to conceal before she left the house. She revels in their existence; they make her feel sexy and desirable and are a constant reminder of the way Emily had taken her in every sense of the word. Just seeing them as she passes a mirror or window is enough to make her heart pound.

She doesn’t want someone like Stacy sullying them. Cheapening them. She should have covered them to protect them.

The quiet rumble of an engine pulling up behind her interrupts her reverie. It makes her jump and she spins to see who it is; it’s a black BMW.

It’s Sean.

He waves at her from behind the wheel and is wearing a warm smile when he steps out of his car. “Hello, Stephanie.”

She’s unsure if her heart is in her throat or if her stomach is in her feet; maybe it’s both. She fiddles with her hair to try to cover up the marks and makes it a point to not turn her head in a way that will bring them to his attention. “Sean, hi!” she trills. She sounds fake and she knows it and tries to correct it. “How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you.” He comes to a stop in front of her and she turns to face the school rather than him to safely obscure the hickeys from his sight. “Emily mentioned the boys had a sleepover this weekend.”

“Did she? I mean, yes, they did.” She clears her throat and plays with the pendant on her necklace except that reminds her of the moment Emily had taken it between her lips and pulled on it to make Stephanie sit up and kiss her. She drops it back against her chest. “He said he had a super fun time.”

“I thought you were there? She said you had a girls’ night to help her unwind. Lord knows, she didn’t want me around.”

She takes a deep breath and holds it; it would have been nice if Emily had filled her in on their alibi—or whatever you would call it. “Yes, right, of course. I meant they were holed up in Nicky’s room most of the night so I don’t know what all they got up to. But they were definitely having fun.” She leaves out the confirmation that she and Emily holed up in a room to have fun, too, and helped one another unwind many, many times. She’s about to pray for Miles to hurry up when she sees him skipping down the hallway toward the entrance. “Smooch!”

“Hi, Mom,” he says as they hug. “Hi, Nicky’s dad.”

“It’s Sean, sweetie,” she corrects.

“Hey there, Miles.”

“Okay, we better go because the cookies I baked today aren’t going to eat themselves!” It works in getting Miles to cheer and start toward her car so she doesn’t have to keep up the small talk longer. “Have a nice day,” she says to Sean with a wave.

She doesn’t wait to look back for his response.

On Tuesday, she doesn’t see either of them.

On Wednesday afternoon, Stephanie sees Emily’s black Porsche in the parking lot when she pulls in and her heart stops.

She parks a few cars away and checks her hair in the rearview mirror and dabs on a touch of lip gloss before hopping out to straighten her sweater and brush off her jeans. Emily’s not waiting with the other parents; in fact, she’s nowhere to be seen.

“Hi, Darren,” she says as genuinely as she can muster. She ignores Stacy.

“Hi, Stephanie,” he bites at her. He might as well hiss for as venomous as it is. “Running Emily’s errands again?”

She grits her teeth. “I told you, I’m not Emily’s - ”

“What about me?”

Stephanie feels her heart flutter and her brain buzz as Emily strolls out from the school, Nicky and Miles trailing behind her, to stop next to her. She glances to her left and there she is, wearing a gray pinstripe suit with a navy blue necktie. Her hair is tied up in an elegant twist and she looks to have a pocket watch clipped to her waist.

“We were, uh,” Darren starts. He’s visibly nervous.

“Giving Steph shit about being my nanny, right?”

Stephanie’s eyes go wide. She hadn’t told Emily

about that comment from days and days ago and has no idea how she would know about it.

Nor has Emily ever called her “Steph” before.

Darren laughs nervously and looks for help but Sona’s disappeared and Stacy’s looking everywhere but at him. “I mean, I thought...because…”

Emily decides to ignore him and Stephanie feels every ounce of Emily’s focus fall upon her. “Mama needs a drink. Let’s go.”

Her hand touches Stephanie’s lower back to guide her away from the school and into the parking lot and it’s all Stephanie can do to not shiver from the contact. She thinks she hears Darren and Stacy chattering behind them but she doesn’t give a shit what they have to say. Emily swooped in like a fashionable knight in shining armor to put them in their place.

“Meet me at home,” Emily purrs into her ear before leaving her side to go to her car. “Nicky! Let’s go!”

Stephanie has to take a moment in her car, parked behind Emily’s Porsche, after Miles jumps out and races Nicky into the house. She lets her head fall back against the seat and she closes her eyes to take a few deep centering breaths as she tries to dry her palms on her jeans.

A sharp rap on her window makes her jump.

“Hey, Dark Side,” Emily says loudly enough to be heard. “Come on.” She doesn’t wait for Stephanie to follow, already halfway to the house when she all but falls out of her Subaru to walk as casually as possible up the drive and into her dream house.

The French music Emily loves is already playing when she closes the door behind her. She can hear Miles and Nicky yelling and running upstairs. Once she leaves her shoes and jacket at the door and walks in, she can see Emily in the kitchen. Her jacket is gone, as is her tie. She’s unbelievably and effortlessly sexy in her gray slacks and sleeveless white blouse as she works the cocktail shaker in her hand.

She looks up at Stephanie’s entrance and smiles a little. “How are you?”

The question catches Stephanie off-guard. It’s so normal, so friendly. She clears her throat. “Um, I’m fine. How are you?” She takes up her usual spot on the other side of the island.

“Work was shit, but I’m good now.” She seems to smile a little more as she’s pouring their martinis.

“Anything that you, uh, want to talk about?” Stephanie scratches at her arm to stop her fingers from nervously tapping on the counter.

“Fuck no,” Emily says with a laugh. She hands Stephanie her glass, taps it with a clink, then takes a long drink. She doesn’t finish it all in one go, though, as she’s seen her do in the past.

“Cheers.” Stephanie drinks and sets her glass down and taps her nails on it a few times. It gets Emily’s attention and she feels a mood start to settle. “I didn’t think I would see you until Saturday.”

Emily finishes her drink. “Why would you think that?”

“I assumed when you said—when you left—on Saturday…”

Emily meanders through her kitchen; Stephanie knows she has a set path, however. “Baby, didn’t they tell you?”

Stephanie frowns a little. “Didn’t who tell me what?”

“Didn’t they tell you what day it is?” She stops in front of her and leans against the counter, her hand resting atop Stephanie’s.

The shiver she resisted in the parking lot catches up with her and she knows Emily notices it. It starts to muddle her ability to figure out Emily’s riddle. About what is so notable about today and why anyone specific would have informed her. She tries to act playfully defiant as she lifts her chin and hopes it comes across as at least a little bit sexy. “And what is today?”

“Baby girl.” Emily smiles at her again and moves in until Stephanie has to part her knees to let her into her space. The sense of warmth that drifts over her is intoxicating. “It’s hump day.”

Stephanie freezes. She can’t figure out if she heard what she thinks she heard because Emily would never make such a dumb joke and whatever it was she said must be lascivious with the way Emily’s looking down at her. She’s resolving she has no choice but to ask what she said rather than play along when Emily bursts out laughing.

Her hands rest on Stephanie’s shoulders and slide up to curl around the back of her neck. “Hump day,” she repeats.

Wow. Stephanie laughs and hopes her face isn’t as incredulous as she feels. Her shock is lessened by Emily’s fingernails scratching at the back of her neck, teasing up into her hair. “Right. Yeah. Yes, it is.”

“It means I want to fuck you, baby,” Emily says. The laughter is gone but she’s still smiling.

Stephanie blinks. Her body is already responding to the touch and especially those words. “Great, yeah.” Her response is all wrong. She should have thrown herself into Emily’s arms. It’s all she’s wanted to do for the last four days.

Emily’s nose scrunches and Stephanie can’t believe how cute it is. “Are you sure? I didn’t mean to freak you out. You’re so tense right now; I was trying to get you to relax. We don’t have to -”

“Yeah, yes. That sounds...great. Wonderful. Let’s...do it.” She hates how she sounds and closes her eyes to pull herself together and takes a breath. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

That is a better answer and she opens her eyes just in time to see Emily leaning down. She closes them again as their lips touch. It’s gentle but it escalates quickly, still managing to maintain a level of softness even as Emily’s tongue starts playing with hers.

She tastes like gin and the memories of all the ways she’s used her tongue between Stephanie’s legs. The thought makes her hands move and the closest place for them to land is on Emily’s ass.

The contact makes Emily pull back with a quiet chuckle. “Slow down, tiger.”

She’s about to apologize and stops herself with a finger to her lips. “I didn’t know how long -”

“An hour.” Emily’s fingers are at work unbuttoning Stephanie’s white cardigan. “Maybe two.”

“That’s uh,” she watches Emily pull the sweater down her arms, “an ambiguous window of time.”

“Why don’t you let me worry about my husband?” Emily says as she lifts Stephanie’s black tee over her head and just like that, she’s topless in Emily’s kitchen. She’s already unhooking Stephanie’s bra when she lifts her head to shout, “Nicky! Close your door if you’re going to make so much fucking noise; I don’t want to listen to it!”

The door slams before she finishes and she smiles down at Stephanie.

“You’re not the only one with parenting hacks.”

Stephanie shakes her head; she disagrees with Emily’s approach but she isn’t going to say that. Her hands find something to do in unbuttoning and unzipping Emily’s pants. They fall to the floor and then she’s unbuttoning her shirt, one by one, from the bottom of her blouse up. She’s in another matching bra and panty set, this one a light blue. “I’ll get you on my vlog one of these days.” Her back arches a little when Emily’s fingertips tease her nipples.

“I think you might die trying.” Emily bends to kiss her again. This time it’s not so gentle and her hands cup Stephanie’s breasts greedily.

Stephanie hears herself moan and her hands fly up to hold Emily’s waist. When she woke up this morning, she didn’t expect to be on the verge of having sex in a kitchen, but there’s no complaint in any singular fiber of her being. She holds on as Emily’s kiss assaults her senses, as her fingers graze and twist and pinch and pull sounds from her throat until her hands get a mind of their own and start to roam. They travel up Emily’s back under her blouse and down to trace the curve of her ass and the backs of her thighs, around them, and up until her left hand fits between Emily’s legs.

She’s wet.

Emily’s breath rushes out of her and her kiss breaks. She hadn’t been expecting Stephanie to do that. To touch her so soon. Being able to surprise Emily like this had fueled much of their endless night together. She doesn’t wait long before slipping her fingers beneath the blue lace to feel just how wet she really is.

It makes Emily’s head tip back as a moan rumbles in her chest. It’s an extremely vulnerable position to be in, both of them. Stripping naked in a well-lit kitchen. In the middle of the day. Windows everywhere. Children upstairs. Husband apt to return at any moment. Stephanie’s hand in the wife’s underwear.

Stephanie finds all of it a turn-on.

Her free hand runs up over Emily’s flat stomach to her bra. She doesn’t bother trying to undo it one-handed; instead, she pushes it up and off Emily’s breasts so she can lean forward and take one into her mouth.

She can feel the tension in Emily’s body, the resistance she’s exerting even as her fingers slide into Stephanie’s hair and she hates it. She’s seen Emily let go and the joy—both sexual and otherwise—it brings her. It irritates her that she’s holding back now when this was her doing. She invited Stephanie to her home. For sex. And she’s holding back.

So Stephanie stops teasing and slides two fingers up and in until the heel of her hand is pressing hard against Emily’s clit. She hears the gasp that she knows Emily fought and gives her a tug with the fingers inside her.

She wants to watch Emily take this. She wants Emily riding her fingers. She sinks her teeth into the firm flesh in her mouth and pulls at Emily’s hip to try to bring her down to her lap despite her precarious seat on a backless stool. Emily not only resists, she reverses. She takes a step back and Stephanie has to lean forward to keep her hand in place. Another step and she’s forced off the stool and to her feet. Emily kisses her again; she leads with her tongue and it’s hot and wet and it makes Stephanie weak while also strengthening her resolve. She kisses her back with just as much fervor and maintains the slow stroking rhythm into Emily.

They shuffle step by step and Stephanie can see they’re making their way to the couch. The couch is even less private in full view of the front door. She hadn’t thought about that on Friday when Emily had undressed her and put her mouth on her. She was too far gone with desire to care.

She has an awareness now of the risk. It drives her to suck on Emily’s tongue in a way that makes the blonde’s breath hitch. It also succeeds in getting Emily to finally, finally reach for the button of Stephanie’s jeans and undo it. The zipper’s next and then they’re being worked down over her hips until they’re caught at her thighs. She knows she’s going to need to finish the job herself but she doesn’t concern herself with that yet.

She’s much more content to enjoy Emily’s cool hands as they grip her ass to pull her along.

She knows what Emily is doing. She has them turned and set up so she can pull Stephanie down on to her, but Stephanie has other plans.

She’s quick about it; she ducks under Emily’s arm first, then forces her around with the hand between her legs and before Emily has a chance to even try to protest it, she’s on her knees over Stephanie’s lap on the couch.

“What the hell was that?” she says with a crooked smile. Stephanie half-expects her to get up but she doesn’t. Instead, she drapes her arms over her shoulders and sinks further into her new seat and Stephanie has to control the desire to moan at how deep it pushes her fingers.

“That was me deciding to let you take what you want.”

“Let me take what I want?” Emily challenges her but she’s not fooling anybody. She’s already starting to rock against Stephanie’s hand.

Stephanie sighs; it’s as authentic as it is posturing and while she knows what she’s about to say could get her slapped, she decides it’s worth it. “You said you wanted to fuck me, but I know what you really wanted was to get fucked properly.”

The declaration makes Emily pause. Her hips stop and her persistent smirk fades. Stephanie prepares for the worst.

“You think you know how to fuck me better than Sean?” she finally states.

The response is relatively safe so Stephanie pushes her fingers further into Emily. “When’s the last time he made you come nine times in one night?”

Emily’s smirk begins to return as does the rocking of her hips. “You kept count?”

“Of how many times I could get you off? I had to know what I could do to you.”

Emily hums and Stephanie feels her hands move to grip her shoulders as she leans closer and closer until her breath tickles Stephanie’s ear. “You came 14 times for me, baby.”

A shiver runs through her body at that. It’s like it remembers each of those 14 times at once and can’t contain the memory of how they felt just as she can’t stop herself from lifting her chin to press her lips to Emily’s throat. It’s impossible to resist with every inch of skin on display, the way Emily’s hair is clipped back and out of the way.

A hand comes to rest on her cheek and it’s almost like Emily’s cradling her to hold her there. She doesn’t think too hard about it maybe being a loving action rather than one of simple desire for more. Instead, she channels that into what she’s doing, into how much she wants to tease Emily versus make her come as quickly as possible. Into how her tongue traces up along the tendon showing in Emily’s neck until she’s pulling Emily down so she can reach to suck on the flesh just below her ear.

She knows she should be mindful but Emily sighs in her ear and her hips rock a little more quickly and Stephanie presses her teeth into her skin.

It pulls a moan out of Emily and that’s when she closes her lips and sucks. It’s quick but strong and she’s already letting go when Emily leans out of reach.

“Did you just give me a fucking hickey?”

She looks up over the smooth expanse of skin and can see that spot starting to darken. Her instinct is to apologize; Emily’s tone is accusatory and Stephanie knew it was wrong to do it but she couldn’t help herself, nor does she regret it. “Payback.”

She can see the anger flash in Emily’s eyes but she counters it by pressing the heel of her hand hard against Emily.

It works.

It makes the defiant tension in Emily’s body evaporate and she all but slumps forward. It’s as though she’s surrendered at Stephanie’s failure to back down as she loops her arms around Stephanie’s neck and leans into her. She starts rocking in earnest and Stephanie wraps her free arm around her waist to feel her move. Her lips kiss the skin she can reach in the limited range she has, covering her throat and clavicles and chest.

This is what Stephanie wanted out of this encounter. She wanted to make Emily give up her command of control quickly; it had taken hours that first night.

Not today.

Today, she’s given it up almost immediately.

She remains in control in one and only way: how hard and fast she rides Stephanie’s hand. But it’s the only way. Stephanie is in control of keeping her in place, of the marks she’s starting to leave across her chest more freely, of ripping the clip from Emily’s hair so she can wind her fingers into it and pull her into a kiss.

Her own body throbs in arousal; her thighs press together and her hips lift to try to find friction and relief. The fact that Emily had begun to undress her, had clearly had intentions of touching her, rattles around in her memory and she kisses her harder. She wants to make Emily have to force herself away for oxygen. She wants to make Emily forget her own name. To forget she’s married. That she has a man in her life at all. To make sure she never wants anyone but Stephanie ever again.

The very concept makes Stephanie push her hand up harder into Emily, her hips pressing up to drive them further.

“I should have brought it home with me,” Emily says, her sentence broken as she breathes into Stephanie’s mouth between the hot, wet kisses Stephanie keeps demanding from her. She doesn’t clarify what “it” is, but Stephanie knows.

She knows because “it” was buried in her as she sat atop her washing machine on Saturday.

The fact that Emily’s thinking of it, that she’s remembering it right now as she grinds herself into Stephanie’s hand makes her head swim. She hates herself for it, but she has to pull away from Emily’s kiss to catch her breath because thinking about wearing it as Emily rides her is too much. “Shit.”

She feels Emily’s breathy chuckle in her ear, though it’s mixed with her quiet moans “Oh, you like that. You want to fuck me with it, baby?”

Emily being able to speak in complete sentences pisses Stephanie off; it means she should be trying harder to render her speechless. Her options, at least in this exact moment, are limited, however. She wanted to let Emily use her and give up control but Stephanie can feel her pulling back. She’d been teetering on the edge of wild abandon and Stephanie’s own moment of need had given Emily the inch she needed in order to take a mile.

Stephanie rips her hand away; it’s the only power she has now.

Emily’s reaction is immediate.

“What are you doing?” Emily says with a gasp of indignation. She immediately reaches for Stephanie’s hand to pull her back but Stephanie locks her arms around Emily’s waist so she can’t. “I was so fucking close; what the hell, Steph?”

If she was truly angry, Stephanie knows she wouldn’t have called her that, so she leans back enough so she can smile up at Emily’s flushed face of irritation, and then she moves.

She sits so far forward that Emily grabs her shoulders to stop from tipping back and then she’s quick; she stands up, taking Emily with her, for the two seconds it takes to turn and drop her onto her back on the couch.

She literally drops her; she’d have thrown her if she had the strength.

The look of surprise on Emily’s face is one she knows she will never forget and she smiles down at her as she pushes her jeans the rest of the way down and off, followed by her underwear. She reaches for Emily’s next to get them out of the way once and for all.

She hesitates, then. Thinking about the lace in her hand.

“What are you doing?” Emily asks. She’s sitting up to reach for her and already has a hand around Stephanie’s forearm to try to pull her down.

“Just…” Stephanie hesitates one more second, then crouches to grab her jeans and she stuffs the undergarment into her pocket before joining Emily on the couch. She doesn’t miss the smirk Emily’s giving her before she kisses it away as she settles over her; she straddles Emily’s thigh and sighs at the contact she’s been craving for so long.

She puts her hand back, too, but she starts with teasing Emily again. She feels powerful to be able to make the woman whine in frustration and lift her hips. Emily is so wet she can gather it on her fingers as she drags up through her until she’s grinding her fingertips into her clit.

The sound that leaves Emily makes Stephanie smile down at her. She doesn’t say anything; she doesn’t need to. She knows Emily knows Stephanie feels like she’s just won but Emily doesn’t say anything either. She just tips her head back and closes her eyes.

So she kisses Emily the way she wants—hot and deep and hard—as they start rocking against one another. She kisses her until Emily rips her mouth away with a gasp and then she’s panting in Stephanie’s ear as they move as one and Stephanie’s mouth finds her neck again.

There’s a brief moment when Stephanie lifts her head to switch from kissing the right side of Emily’s neck to the left side when she catches her reflection in the window in front of her.

It’s indecent; she can see the way she’s moving against Emily and her blonde hair where part of it spills over the arm of the couch. She can also see the top of Emily’s right thigh, the one not between Stephanie’s legs, as it lifts to wrap around her waist.

It makes her drop her head with a moan and shove her tongue into Emily’s mouth as her pace quickens; her hips swivel against Emily and her fingers work furiously against her and she can feel Emily pressing up into her.

She’s caught by surprise when Emily’s hand disappears from where it had been holding the back of Stephanie’s arm and reappears between Stephanie’s legs. Her fingers slip into her like they’re nothing and Stephanie doesn’t try to stop her. She’s too far gone to care that Emily’s trying to be in some kind of control—or maybe Emily just wants to touch her right now, too.

Stephanie adjusts her position to help them both and it’s like someone poured gasoline on an already raging fire. They move against one another hot and fast and she feels Emily pulling at her, trying to get her to lay on her instead of how she’s propping herself up but she resists; she doesn’t give in until she hears Emily’s voice starting to catch in the tell-tale way she learned so well a few short days ago. She breathes her in smelling of that perfume and sex and it’s all Stephanie can do to not come.

She holds out a few beats longer until she can feel the tension spreading through Emily and the way her hips are lifting incessantly and -

She feels Emily break.

And she breaks with her.

She has just enough wherewithal to lift her head and claim Emily’s mouth before things become too loud.

Part of her wonders, as Emily’s voice reveals just how much she needed this release, if she could get off just from hearing Emily come.

The curiosity is what leads her to slow down her hand and ease Emily through it until she’s quiet and still beneath her. When she opens her eyes, Stephanie smiles at her and starts again, this time only a gentle and slow touch over swollen nerves.

“You can stop,” Emily says with a shiver.

Stephanie’s touch is unwavering. “Do you want me to stop?”

Emily takes a breath as though to speak so Stephanie chooses that moment to press a little more firmly. Instead of words, it’s an exhale and a shake of her head.

Stephanie smiles as she kisses her then wiggles herself until she’s able to lay down fully wedged between Emily and the couch, her head on Emily’s shoulder. She’s too tired to hold herself up any longer.

It affords her, she realizes, the ability to touch Emily in any way she likes with so much ease. She still chooses to be slow and gentle, however, and she can feel the deeper breaths Emily draws now and then when she chooses to be a little more firm or quick.

She doesn’t know, frankly, if it’s enough for Emily to come again. Even if it’s not, she’s not stopping her or telling her to go hard and fast. She’s allowing Stephanie to do as she pleases.

It’s exactly what Stephanie wanted.

She tries not to think about how nice it is for Emily to surrender and trust her in the ways she has. She tries not to think about how she maybe feels like she could lay like this, in her arms making love in the middle of the day, forever. Emily’s fingers trace patterns on Stephanie’s back even as she sighs and moans quietly.

Her ear to Emily’s chest, she can hear when her heart, still beating quickly, speeds up. It’s not but a few seconds later she hears and feels the breath she takes before she comes with a quiet cry.

It makes a tremor echo through her own body, low and soft, but it’s there, and she moans so Emily can know she’s riding same the wave with her again.

The entire moment is peaceful and Stephanie doesn’t dare move or say a word to break it. She’s content to listen to their breaths return to normal and listen to the beat of Emily’s heart, and Emily doesn’t seem to be in any hurry, either.

She feels the patterns being traced on her back resume and she withdraws her hand to let her arm drape over Emily’s waist. She knows they need to get up and dress and get back to normal—nothing feels more normal than exactly where she is—but she can’t bring herself to be the one to break the moment.

Eventually, Emily’s other hand finds Stephanie’s chin and nudges her until she lifts her head, only to be guided down into a kiss.

It’s the most tender kiss they’ve shared and it steals away her breath.

“Thank you,” Emily says when they part.

It almost makes Stephanie laugh but she’s too moved by it to do so. “For what?”

“For this.” Emily kisses her again and Stephanie starts to melt into it, but it ends before she fully can. “We need to get up.”

Her tone is still quiet and it’s almost unsettling; Emily is usually quick to snap back into her commandeering persona. Even when they spent the night together and things turned playful or intense, the Emily she first met always came right back until something Stephanie said or did seemed to get her to take off the mask again.

The mask is still off now and Stephanie watches in a bit of wonder as Emily is careful about moving out from under Stephanie to gather her clothes. She even hands Stephanie her jeans and gives her a tilt of her head as she returns to the kitchen. She gathers the rest of their discarded clothes and shrugs into her blouse, only buttoning two buttons on it. She doesn’t bother with anything else.

“Come on,” she says as she turns for the stairs and Stephanie finally gets her limbs working to get off the couch to catch up with her. Emily hands her tee and she pulls it on as they climb the stairs and she says a quick prayer that the boys don’t choose right this second to run screaming out of Miles’s room and into their half-naked mothers.

They don’t; she does hear them playing but it’s clear they aren’t on the move.

Entirely unsure of what’s going on, she follows Emily into the bedroom and all the way into the massive closet Stephanie’s so envious of. Emily lets her pass and closes the door behind them. Stephanie feels her hand be caught and that makes her take pause—though she keeps walking—to look down and see Emily holding her hand. She leads her to the settee in the middle of the closet and sits down; she pulls Stephanie right down with her onto her lap and her lips are on Stephanie’s again.

Stephanie can’t stop the groan; she thought things were finished. They had to be out of time, but she suspects that might be why Emily just put so many doors between them and the driveway.

They kiss.

That’s all they do.

They kiss.

Emily’s hands don’t wander anywhere but along Stephanie’s back so Stephanie keeps hers in neutral territory as well.

And they kiss. It’s not rushed. There’s no power struggle or teeth or impatience.

It’s dangerous in so many ways.

She doesn’t know how long they kiss but it’s long enough to make her lips tingle from use.

The chirp-chirp of a car alarm being activated interrupts them and Stephanie feels the word, “Shit,” drift across her lips before Emily kisses her one more time.

Stephanie moves off her lap, then. Sean’s home and their moment has ended. She dresses quickly, grateful for the mirrors in the closet, and watches Emily do the same, slipping into a new pair of panties before she steps back into her pants. She watches Emily flip her hair to finger comb it out and then watches her freeze.

“Damn it, baby. Really?” she says with a look at Stephanie in the mirror as she tilts her head to get a better look at the mark left on her neck and then down her chest before she buttons her blouse.

“I’d apologize, but women never have to apologize for anything.” She smiles at Emily in the mirror and then takes the few quick steps necessary until she can wrap her arms around her waist from behind. She just holds her for a moment and feels Emily’s hands come to rest on her arms for a few seconds before they guide them away.

Emily turns and she’s smiling, too. She touches Stephanie’s cheek and it’s all she can do not to swoon from the caress. “You should go. I’ll see you Saturday, okay?”

Stephanie resists the urge to launch herself forward and hug her. “You know where to find me. In my laundry room,” she tacks on with a laugh.

Emily’s hand falls away and she nods at the door, a clear signal that Stephanie needs to go, but not before she says, “I want to see your bedroom this time.”

Chapter 5

#murder moms #asf fic #fanfic #emily nelson #stephanie smothers #a simple favor

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prodigall · 5 years

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In defense of the Battle Academy skin choices:

So, in wake of the wake of the new Battle Academy skins dropping I’ve seen a LOT of people getting mad about things like Lux and Ezreal getting more skins, their favorite champs not being in the skin-line, stuff like that. For the most part those complaints are all valid, I understand them, but I do think it’s not fair to get mad at riot for this specifically because a lot of their choices make a lot sense and the ones that don’t are really small, so, I’m just gonna...go over the list and state my two cents.

All the complaints basically stem from “these champions shouldn’t have more skins, it should have been somebody like Taliyah” this is probably the most widespread complaint, and whilst its true, neither need new skins, it’s totally understandable why they got them. First: Since Ezreal got reworked, he was always going to be getting a new epic or better skin soon-ish, without question. Every champion thats been reworked in the past 2 years got a skin some time after their rework, this isn’t a new practice, the day the rework got announced I stated that Ezreal would be getting a new skin soon because of it, then when Riot said they were making a skin-line inspired by Shonen anime I said “without question, Ezreal will probably get a legendary skin in this skinline and be the focal point of it.” To a multitude of people, Riot are on record as saying Ezreal was DESIGNED around Shonen anime tropes from the beginning, there are lots of ‘anime’ characters in League, like Yasuo and, yeah, Lux (we’ll get to that) but for what riot were actually trying to DO with this skin line? It was always going to be Ezreal, there was never any doubt in my mind. I know a lot of people think Pajama guardian counts as his skin but...no, it really doesn’t, its basically just a chroma, thats why it’s half price if you already OWN Star Guardian, so it doesn’t count. Second: Keeping in mind Ezreal was going to be the focal point of this skinline inspired by ANIME, all the characters around him needed to fit into anime tropes, because recently for their big ‘alternate universe’ skins Riot have been focusing more on a whole narrative to go with them rather than ‘oh this would be cool’, so they had more of a plan for the champs they picked keeping in mind Ezreal is the ‘protagonist’ (because he totally is). The ones Riot went for were: Rugged teacher who cares about his students but isn’t super affectionate (Graves) Popular kid who is a best friend/elder sibling figure to the protagonist (Jayce) Principle who is a parental figure to the protagonist after some event in their past (Yuumi) Small scale antagonist who will later go on to be an anti-hero then full hero designed to be a prominent threat in early arcs to help establish characters (Katarina) And of course, the love interest (Lux) Keeping that in mind, Lux wasn’t just on the table for this skinline, she was GUARANTEED to be in it. Say what you want about EzLux, I personally am not that into it, but the fact is that riot like it, so much so that they outright made it canon in this universe, you can have your ships, you can like LuxJinx, you can Like EzSona, or whatever, but as far as riot are concerned , Lux and Ezreal are Riots golden couple (with Xayah and Rakan), they’ve been one of two pairings they EVER acknowledge in canon for basically their entire life span, and they do it BLATANTLY. It’s not surprising at all this happened. Third: The Narrative is actually pretty relevant to the choices they made here, and the big one that I think totally invalidates Taliyah as even a possibility is that this is a school of WEAPON users. All of the champions they picked have weapons of some kind and Ezreal states in his voicelines that they all use ‘god-weapons’ AKA the narrative of this skin-line is entirely centered around those weapons as of the moment, so that means EVERY champion who isn’t a weapon user were never eligible from the start. Would champions like Taliyah suit this skinline conceptually? 200%, I’d love to see it for the next batch if they make more and change up a few things lore wise, but given the fact they clearly have an overarching plot and concept behind this school at foundation level? she just doesn’t really work right now. Sorry.

Fourth: Okay real talk Riot dropping champs that don’t need skins into new skinlines isn’t new and never has been thats just smart business. Lets say they put all these resources towards making SIX new skins, with a whole new universe to accompany them, with no guarantee it’ll be popular, and decide to put champions that need new skins in there EXCLUSIVELY. Then, the new skinline drops on the main server and nobody likes them and they’ve wasted their time. The fact is for as long as I can remember, when Riot launch a new skinline they ALWAYS make sure at least 50% of the champions in it are the POPULAR ones they know will bring in profit regardless of if people like the skinline as a whole, This time it was Ez Lux and Kat, K/DA had Ahri and Kai’sa, Oddyssey had Jinx Yas Sona and kind of Kayn, Star guardians did it TWICE with Lux and Jinx (releasing at different times admittedly) then they did it a SECOND TIME with Ezreal and Ahri, its not until the second batch where they go for more out there less popular champions and thats been their business practice with stuff like this for as long as I can remember. I get why people are complaining but the fact is if it wasnt these champs? it still would have been 50% champs who don’t need it like Yi Fifth: The fact is that a lot the champions picked , as usual with large skinline drops like this, all fill a different role, thats pretty normal Ez: ADC Lux: Mage Mid/Supp Kat: Assasin Mid Graves: Jungler Jayce: Top Yumi: Support If we push Yumi to the side for a second, each champ fulfills one role in a game each. Riot for a while now have been making it so if a new Champ releases with a new skin line beside them, or an update to said skin line, they make that new champs on release skin part of said skin line for convenience sake, so we can probably assume that the inital skin choices were made not counting Yumi who might not even have been RELEASED by that point if she wasn’t done yet, and if she was done she’d be added. So it was probably a an intentional choice to make sure they didn’t overlap in roles until Yumi came out in which case Lux and Kat could probably overlap. With that said, and keeping in mind the aforementioned NARRATIVE role they were meant to fulfill, the pool becomes a lot smaller. The big one here being Graves, because he’s the one I haven’t fully accepted myself, I normally say Riot don’t like releasing multiple skins within a year for the same champion unless they were already making one when the worlds winners said they wanted another, thats the only acception, but along comes Graves like “second skin in 6 months baybee” which is kinda weird, so keeping that in mind, I did some research to find every jungler (cos this needed to be a jungler) who was also going to be able to fit into the rugged not nice but still cares teacher role they still had open, who ALSO had a weapon. (For reference here I mean actual jungle picks not your random off meta pick, I’m looking at you jungle Lucian, you don’t count). Not even COUNTING the fact they also had to fit into the character _archetype_ they still had open, do you know how many choices there actually were? 7 Max, and thats if you count Pantheon and Diana which not everybody does. The full list of choices with the role they still had open was Graves, Jarvan, Jax, Pantheon (?) Diana (?) , Vi or Xin, when you take into account that they also had to come off as a bit more rugged, old enough to be a teacher, and serious and not in a nice way, its down to Graves and MAYBE Jax. This is one I’M still on the fence about, but with context I think that it being Graves isn’t...overwhelmingly shocking. Kat is much more open and close, the roster for midlane assassins is pretty big so they just went with Kat cos out of all the assassin mids who was a WOMAN she’d waited the longest for a new skin (that yeah, she doesn’t need) and they just went with her so there was an even amount of representation between men and women in the skin line...that’s kind of it really. So, anyway that’s my two cents, I get that people will always be mad when champions like Ez and Lux and Kat get new skins, if it weren’t for the fact Ezreal is my favorite champion and shonen anime is like my favorite thing I’d probably be a little bit mad to but, as ALWAYS happens with new skinlines, the people who got skins for their mains will always have bias but I hope this didn’t come off as to apologetic? I really do hope that if these skins continue champions like Kayn Ekko and Taliyah and hell maybe Zoe get a chance to shine in it, but as it is now I find it really hard to really get mad about who they picked.

#▐ OOC | ᴸᴼᴸ ᴮᴿᴼᴺᶻᴱ ˢᴷᴿᵁᴮ▐#okay to reblog

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nehapatel64 · 7 years

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From fringes to core of #KRPKAB episode 286

There is a lot I have been saying or wanting to say regarding everything that happened since Dev came to Bose house. Episode 286 was the one that inspired me to write a full-fledged meta in the first place. Since I would have to practically write a book if I covered Dev’s entire visit, I’m going to break apart this episode and branch out to past and future episodes where I see fit. It won’t cover everything I want to say, but it will take care of plenty.

Scene 1: Devakshi confrontation

The episode started with a volatile confrontation between Dev and Sonakshi, which was fairly true to their current characters. The conversation started with Sona’s noteworthy observation that, even though Dev is against Sona speaking ill about his mother, he knew all her words were about Ishwari. We have seen since the beginning of the leap that a part of Dev always knew that the reason Sona left the house was Ishwari, and that Sona was greatly suffering in that home. He has outwardly mentioned it to his mom in an earlier leap episode that Sona’s other option from leaving him was to suffer in Dixit house. However, both still manage to call bluff or sideline each other’s open confessions. Neither Dev nor Sonakshi see any chance of reconciliation or have any hopes that the other will understand their problem. Experience taught Sona that she should not expect Dev to be an understanding significant other, no matter how good he could be as a father or son. Sona leaving with such finality 7 years ago taught Dev that there was no chance she was going to take him back. It’s very easy to see why Sona left the house but more difficult to see why Dev never tried to get her back. Dev was so used to Sona’s unconditional love and understanding, and he took it for granted. This was the first time in Dev’s life that someone hadn’t put the obligation of everyone on him but rather made him her everything. She was a woman who Dev admired for her strength to achieve everything and face all difficulties. That’s why when the moment came that she realized she had tried way too hard and couldn’t take it anymore, Dev couldn’t understand why his wife had reached her maximum. (P.S @moredottedlines, I refrained so hard from inserting my stupid credit card reference here). On the eve of the break up, Dev begged her to forgive and forget, thinking it was the easiest thing to do. What is stuck in his mind is her response that she said she never could, that she threw her mangalsutra in the fire and said we are over. There was such finality in this moment that really attributes to why Dev didn’t go back for her and still blames her for giving up even now. I’m not saying that he couldn’t have tried. I just see what could have prevented him. We saw a flashback of the night after Sona left where Dev blamed both Ishwari and Sona for the demise of their relationship, and we were left wondering why Sona came into the picture then. The current leap episodes have given some more clarity to that. Fast-forwarding 7 years, we see that Dev is preventing Sona from speaking ill about Ishwari despite agreeing that both women, along with him, were to blame on different levels. Dev’s intention in telling Sona not to speak like that about his mother was not because he doesn’t know it, but because he feels others don’t have a right to say these things about his family. As we saw before with giving Vicky a job, Dev had a hard time accepting this new person into the rest of this blood related family. He loved her immensely, but couldn’t understand in what way her importance should extend to the family. The difference between then and now is Dev actually no longer has such an obligation to Sona, even if he was capable of involving her.

We also saw within this same conversation that Dev sacrificed his own reputation to save Saurabh and Ronita’s marriage, and that he couldn’t believe this wasn’t the same “obvious solution” that Sona had come to. This incident was proof that Dev doesn’t just channel his selflessness towards Ishwari or Dixits but for any loved one- even if it’s Saurabh. This got me thinking that Dev Dixit had the potential to excel in every role had their families been something better. He had no problem or bias in upholding individual relationships or loving Sona, but wasn’t able to maintain the very difficult ties that bound his separate relationships together. Now we see that, while Dev’s main concern is saving Saurabh, Sona’s concern was Dev should have told the truth. Sonakshi was always a strong (headstrong even), independent woman, but only started making a true showcase of this identity when being warm to unappreciative people killed her from within. She was someone who was used to excelling at whatever she tried and would do anything to achieve what she wants- whether it was being a perfect daughter, perfect nutritionist or perfect bahu. It’s important here that Dev pointed out that she’s putting a HUGE emphasis on Dev telling the “truth” without caring about the consequences on her brother. Dev has always been someone who would easily do this for his family, and old Sona would have accepted this too and understood it almost as well as Asha does. But this Sona has been disappointed and lied to so many times that the idea of anyone hiding anything angers her to the core. It doesn’t matter to her if Dev’s intentions were good or if Saurabh’s heart will be broken. She is tired of looking at good intention rather than good outcome. She is tired of seeing relationships being built on lies. It’s not just the pain of the past but also the seven years in between that have made her like this. As Dev likes to put it, she’s the obodro version of Dev Dixit. To Dev, that means someone who is curt, rude, hasty and doesn’t enjoy herself. To me, an obodro Dev is someone who has remaining bitterness from a plethora of struggles but still has the cleanest heart. The fact that Dev keeps using this term in a negative connotation is also an indicator to how he felt about himself before Sona entered his life. We know that Sona has brought Dev’s inner kindness and childishness to the surface. He’s aware that his personality changed for the better with Sona’s presence but can’t imagine why his absence in her life has reversed the process for her. Part of that could be because Sona is the one who said they are over. It’s hard to sympathize with someone when you think they made a completely conscious decision to take you out of their life. As I said earlier, Dev has started to understand in the last 7 years why Sona was so unhappy with the Dixit family. However, he fails to see why that means she couldn’t work it out with him. He wanted Sona to fight for their marriage, and she wanted him to fight for her. Dev is thinking, “I couldn’t change my family, but you let something like that break us.” Sona is thinking, “You couldn’t change your family and that was a huge thing that broke us.” Both of them have to pass an entirely new journey to learn why neither of those things is as easy as it seems. All these things are what lead Sona to the point of wanting honesty from Dev now even if at the expense of Saurabh’s marriage. This emphasis on brutal honestly is something Sona has passed on to Soha too. Soha has repeated many time that she never lies, and that might actually be one reason why Sona trusts her to be in some right state of mind at any given time.

Scene 2: Jatin and Sona phone conversation

The idea of being like obodro Dev makes Sona so worked up that she has to call Jatin for confirmation and consolation. It’s not just that Sona would hate to be like Dev but the idea that Dev claims to pity her for it. Dev’s sympathy is exactly what she has been running from for the past 7 years. She has worked years to completely free herself from any need, desire or dependency on Dev Dixit, especially after his challenge that she failed as a wife and more. Coming to the call itself- let me just say this “Ami tomake” entry is far more endearing than “iss duniya main do tarah ke log”! The fact that they can even say that without it being romantic is a true testament to their friendship. In this conversation, we see how both these men have preconceptions about Sona that lead to contrasting, but very one sided, opinions about her. Jatin was there during Sona hardships and is well aware that these are the circumstances that have changed her. Throughout this conversation we notice that Jatin’s entire focus is on how Sona has positively changed through her hardships while Dev’s focus in the prior conversation was the burden of a hard shell and cold heart. Deep down, both men know there was once a completely different Sona that has changed for better AND worse. It’s that, while Dev misses the Sona he fell in love with, Jatin knows what created the Sona that’s changed. Dev told Sona what is true but in a negative connotation that she doesn’t want to hear. Jatin is telling Sona what is ALSO true but only exactly what she wants to hear. Neither showed her the other side of the coin. I agree that Jatin overall understands both Dev and Sona better than they (want to) understand each other. But this conversation, along with many of his other scenes indicate that Jatin’s approach to making Sona see her right path won’t be to make her realize the bad in her but to make her see the good in Dev. Dev unknowingly used this approach by proving himself as a good father. However, he won’t be outwardly doing it until he’s motivated to justify himself. The same goes for Sona.

Scene 3: Asha and Dev Conversation on Sona, robbery and more.

Dev himself spelled out in this scene what I’ve already said a thousand times. Neither Dev nor Sona are in this family for each other. They have no hopes of sorting their own problems and reconciling. They are doing what they are doing only for Soha. They fight because situations bring them against each other. They fight because no matter how hard they try, they can’t ignore each other’s presence. But for both of them, the idea of staying in this resentment, idea of not forgiving but definitely putting on a façade of forgetting is far easier than the possibility that they will have to suffer from the same disaster again. I see this as a situation of did the chicken before the egg or vice versa? On one hand, they don’t really sort their problems peacefully because they see no purpose or desire. On the other hand you have to wonder how they will ever find the desire to reconcile if they don’t talk things through? The answer is that their daily situations will make this happen. We’re already seeing in Bose house that a large amount of focus is being placed on Dev’s interactions with the other members of the house besides Sona. On the other hand, the conversations between Dev and Sona are remaining fairly unprogressive and immature. While this is a method that takes a lot of patience, it also makes sense that things get sorted in some form or another with the family before Dev and Sona even express desire to figure themselves out. Through Asha, we see the mother that Dev needed to be a better person but never had. While Ishwari picked favorites, Asha remains a mother Switzerland. Asha understands both Sona and Dev and reprimands whoever is needed, wherever it’s needed. While Ishwari wanted Dev to be dependent on her, Asha demands they learn to sort their problems like adults (even if she gives them child-like punishment). Unlike Ishwari and Bijoy, Asha is willing to accept the other half of Devakshi for Soha’s sake if not anything else. My favorite thing about Asha right now is her intolerance for the immaturity. CVs scripting this into the episode show the scenes were written to shape family dynamics more than Devakshi ones. We are supposed to hate how Devakshi handle each other, because it’s forcing Bose family to interact with Dev more than they expected to.

Scene 4: Bijoy taunts Dev on the robbery

The exact balance to Asha in Bose house is Bijoy. Bijoy irritates Dev repeatedly throughout Dev’s time here, 99% of the time without Dev initiating it. At one point, he made a taunt to Ishwari and Golu for their mere presence and treats Golu rudely later at Saurabh’s haldi for his association with the Dixits. Despite very stark differences between Bijoy and Ishwari, Bijoy is serving a similar taste of medicine to Dev that Sona had to suffer with Ishwari. Dev is never able to satisfy or appease Bijoy the way Sona could never satisfy Ishwari. Bijoy provokes Dev not just if he has done something at that time but for whom he is to Sona. Ishwari did the same to Sona. Sona didn’t say anything to Ishwari, because she thought she could win the whole family over if she tried hard enough. She felt an obligation to succeed at any cost- not just because she was married to Dev but also because Sonakshi Bose Dixit never fails -even if it’s at the expense of her self-respect. Dev, on the other hand, does not hold back when it comes to Bijoy. That’s not because he’s a worse person than Sona but because he knows no level of “trying hard enough” is going to win Bijoy at this point in their relationship. There is nothing advantageous here about losing self-respect, especially after you’ve already been tolerating it for several days. He claims that he just needs to survive these few days with Bijoy for Soha’s sake. This dynamic was another one, just like Dev and Sona’s that was slathered in immaturity and making no positive progress. However, the drunken confrontation between the two men in the later episode changed that. It was such a scene that seemed anticlimactic, as both men decided reconciliation was hopeless and that it’s best to fake it. However, just the fact that Bijoy was able to discuss the true roots of his hatred was a huge step forward from his behavior and a big eye opener to Dev for his. The tears in Dev’s eyes during Bijoy’s confession showed not only Dev’s inner guilt for what he had done to the Bose family but a newfound empathy with Bijoy’s pain. There is a clear regret in Dev’s face that comes, not from hurting Sona, but from making a father ache like this for his daughter. Unfortunately, and realistically, this moment isn’t enough to make all well between Bijoy and Dev. Dev outwardly expresses what we suspected from his behavior all along; he doesn’t think Bijoy can move on. Bijoy in no time agrees, and Dev is left saying, if for no other reason, forgive and forget because it’s been 7 years. If Dev had any intention of making amends with Sona, he would not use “time” as a reason to move forward. But he doesn’t, and neither does she.

Scene 5: Ishwari’s Nightmare

Ishwari says at the end of the nightmare, “Aakhir jis baat ka darr tha, wohi hua na Dev?” Even in her subconscious, Ishwari indirectly blames Sona for the fact that Soha wanted to move to a separate house. Ishwari still feels Dev will prioritize Sona. Sona thinks Dev will prioritize Ishwari. In reality, Dev is trying to prioritize no one but Soha. @archanasean brought up a good point once that, does this nightmare indicate that Ishwari won’t even spare Soha from her insecurities? That’s the trigger that made me realize that even in this nightmare, the actual blame is indirectly being placed on Sona still. We already know that Ishwari is super determined to undo everything Sona has made Soha. As a grandmother with a history of raising dependent children, she doesn’t see the appeal in a child who has full-fledged independence. For any vice she finds in Soha, it’s going to somehow go to Sona. Which is why I’m hoping for a future event in which Ish can’t even deny Sona’s upbringing did some good.

Scene 6: Golu and Sona discussing Devakshi and their friends

Golu has been taught everything is Sona’s fault. Soha has been taught everything is Dev’s. Bijoy and Ishwari’s bias for their children was emphasized through Golu and Soha. Both parents wear blinders when it comes to their children. The main difference between Bijoy and Ishwari is that Bijoy has other sensible family members to help him find the balance and stop him when he is going too far. Plus, Bijoy has insecurity but not possessiveness. He fears Dev’s involvement in Sona and Soha’s life and fails to have a global perspective because of this reverence of his daughter and lack of knowledge on who Dev really is. We know of Bijoy’s bias towards Sona since day one, which was once jokingly reflected as Sona vs. Saurabh. His inability to understand Dev comes from never living with him and having several misunderstandings to worsen the situation. Ishwari, who was was unable to trust Sona despite living with her and being her patient, can’t say the same. Ishwari has both insecurity and possessiveness. The part Ishwari won’t admit is that she thinks Dev’s priorities will again change from his family to Sona. She feels she’s worthless if she’s not everything Dev needs. Without a husband, without a job, without any sort of independence, she is nothing if she’s not Dev ki maa. Yet it’s also true that part of Ishwari’s paranoia is from genuine concern that Sona will re-enter Dev’s life and leave him to shatter all over again. This is why she consistently brings up Elena as the sister who didn’t give up on them and is so taken aback and excited to see Dev even slightly happy again. Sona’s story about the person she was forced to be friends with was a great parallel to Devakshi. It showed that, deep down, Soha understood that fixing relationships is a long and gradual process and can’t be forced. She brought up how her teacher forcing her to fix her friendship with that girl ended up breaking them in less than 24 hours. Soha understands that forcing into geographic proximity doesn’t fix everything. In fact, the close space might make it worse. Soha’s stubbornness (may I say inherited from her parents) was never supposed to work. It was supposed to be a stupid decision that Devakshi impulsively listened to as the “single mother” and the “new parent” so that all these other relationship dynamics discussed earlier take place. Too bad this friendship story didn’t hit Soha earlier in the excitement of having her new father! I’m glad Devakshi stopped catering to such zidd and Soha herself is starting to show immense maturity again.

Scene 7: Ishwari vs. Sona

There is a genuine side of Ishwari that is against Sona coming back from fear that she will leave and make Dev become something he isn’t. This is the aspect of Ishwari that is relatable to any parent. We see the same happen with Ronita’s mom, who I find to be something in between Ishwari and Bijoy. Similar to Bijoy, Ronita’s mom is insecure about how her daughter will be treated in the new family. Similar to Ishwari, her insecurity is not just based on a general worry of her daughter living with strangers but also on one specific threat to power: Sonakshi. There is a genuine side of Ishwari then there is the side that makes her tell Sona in this scene that Dev still “worships her”. It’s not even true, but who cares as long as Sonakshi thinks mama is in charge (and maybe she’s still trying to convince herself it’s true?). This was a good parallel to show that insecurity can occur without deep pasts and unique bonds – those are just components that made Dev and Ishwari’s situation go to an extreme. Ishwari never came out of her extremity, and Dev, despite knowing it existed, couldn’t figure out how to permanently fix it. Dev couldn’t explain his complex mother-son relationship to Sona when she was begging for it, and he said it was too difficult to explain so quickly. That is understandable. Problem is he barely even tried to give it in small doses later on, and she was never able to understand because of this. That’s why up to the end of their marriage, Sona claimed balancing wife and mom isn’t that hard if you try, and Dev kept insisting that’s not the case. It’s not just Sona couldn’t understand him but that he never gave her the full opportunity to do so. This is one of several situations where one thinks he/she had the much easier solution over the other. No doubt, different situations are more in favor of Dev or in favor of Sona. It’s part of their journey to make almost every part of their life consistently easier for both.

Scene 8: The mess before Asha the savior

What Dev said about Ishwari offering to let them stay in separate homes is not only important but brilliantly timed with Ishwari’s nightmare about Dev and Sona living seperately with Soha. We know Ishwari was not suggesting this from the heart, and Dev in saying this now is him holding on to the fact that Ishwari asked despite knowing he might say yes. I’ve said in the past too that Ish has a way of saying the most accurate things with the worst intentions. This was one of those moments. She had a fair point that moving away could have helped Devakshi’s marriage. However, she’s also raised Dev with ideals and family mentality to NEVER do that. I don’t see this scene as Dev thought changing houses would have fixed all their problems. I see it that Dev thought their relationship could have been saved by some circumstance- any circumstance- had both sides of the family been respectively supportive. Dev was right saying that marriage was between two families and that the parents actually broke down their kids’ moral through their behavior rather than building it. Of course Ishwari is no Asha, and her offer to let them live apart is nothing compared to the issues she created in the first place. But it means more than anything to Dev that Ishwari offered something even resembling a saving grace while Bijoy encouraged Sona to not give Dev another chance. Dev isn’t denying that they had many problems with difficult solutions. He’s focusing in on the question of...but who gave them a second chance? Who encouraged them to work it out when they needed it the most? Bijoy has given Dev several chances- but as a FIL, but those were chances to fix his and Bijoy’s relationship. Right now, he’s only thinking of who was throwing him a life vest when his most important bond was in jeopardy. What Dev fails to understand is that Sona had reached a breaking point in their relationship where no one, not even her father, could have convinced her to try further (rightfully so).

Dev and Sona were being big babies in this fight. Sona pulling her “my house and single mom” card again, Dev pulling his powerful man card all had to come to a quick halt. This fight brought out a lot about Devakshi but also their perception of their parents. Sona, despite having no idea what Bijoy actually said to Dev, jumped on Dev from the bit she heard. This was just like she did the first time he yelled at Bijoy for Ishwari and Golu. Once again, Sona’s resentment and jumping to conclusions comes from a place of the past. Dev is guilty of the same. They can be peaceful in the moment for Soha, for Saurabh’s wedding, for society – but until they realize where they or their own parents are wrong, this pattern will persist.

#krpkab #kuch rang pyar ke aise bhi #devakshi

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ladybuvelle · 8 years

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Headcanon: Blue Hair?

Some people, particularly in more “advanced” places like Piltover and Zaun, might think Sona dyes her hair blue. But it is, in fact, naturally blue. She doesn’t have dark or light roots showing another color, and her hair was only a few shades lighter when she was a young child compared to now. It likely won’t go much darker or deeper blue now that she’s fully matured.

Exactly why her hair is blue is as much a mystery as who Sona’s real parents are. Some Ionians have been known to have white/platinum hair, or in some rare cases even red hair, but blue is exceptionally uncommon both on the island continent and the mainland of the Valoran. Sona doesn’t know of anyone else with naturally blue colored hair (whether Jinx dyes hers is up for debate, really, or personal headcanon - but Sona hasn’t heard of her explicitly), or at the very least she hasn’t met anyone with it.

As for why her tips are blond, she dyes them that way. The reason originally was because when she first came to Demacia her long hair was very damaged and her ends were rough and split due to poor care (she just didn’t have the proper means when she was at the orphanage). So to save from having all of her hair cut short, only a bit of the ends were clipped and the rest were dipped in blond dye. The blond color easily catches light and the damaged parts became difficult to see. It’s a trick of the eyes. She’s since taken much better care of her hair and has much fewer split ends, but she likes to keep the look.

And yes, her body hair is also blue - though admittedly a slightly darker blue than the hair on her head.

When she was still young and living at the orphanage in Ionia, some people came by just to see the “child with the blue hair”. At first she enjoyed the attention well enough, but after awhile Sona started to feel more like a sideshow act. Mercifully, the matrons started to turn people away who weren’t actually interested in adoption - or at least a donation of some kind. Sona stood out very easily if she was even taken to the city to help with shopping. Again, she liked the attention well enough, but it always felt wrong after awhile. Mostly because she felt she wasn’t doing anything significant to warrant it, or that she didn’t really believe she was all that pretty compared to fine city ladies in their makeup and beautiful kimonos.

Being as she is now, Sona enjoys her hair very much and isn’t bothered by people “oo”ing and “ah”ing anymore. She now feels she can pull of a look of beauty and elegance worthy of the attention.

#headcanon #just a lil headcanon that was on my mind #before I go crash #some people have even called her a divine being just for her unique hair and features pfft #what even is a Sona?#maybe she is divinity #who knows!#for now I wish you all a good night <3

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tellytantra · 5 years

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Sonakshi entered the room gulping down the crocin she found from vimmi, so much of things for the day starting from rohit being sick,to the fiasco at the auction and then police investigations and now it feels like she was about to catch a very bad cold. In fact she was already feeling feverish. Remembering everything said in the auction,the usual hatred he showers upon her these days,she went to have a wash. Lost in thoughts she accidently turned the cold water on instead and before she could do anything,she was drenched in freezing cold water. Nothing seemed to work in her favour these days. She returned to the room towel drying the hair fearing that her temperature might jot up. The chills that has started to trouble her already made her understand that it’s going to be a very bad night.Her innocent heart yearned to hug her rohit to sleep as she felt weaker every passing second,but it was rohit’s turn to stay back at hospital with paapa so he was not to return home tonight. She switched to a comfortable pair of pyjama shorts and its noodle strap skinny top, the one she used to wear whenever she had a fever that caused a resultant difficulty to fall asleep,a problem which she has experienced from her small days. She remembered mumma patting her to sleep while she struggled being sick,but today none of she wanted were near her.she took a deep sigh. She suddenly remembered how inspector mentioned about an unknown but a family member being the one who attacked paapa and forged her signatures both,and according to him the next attack would possibly be on her. Though she was brave enough to face whatever that might come her way,still som unknown fear invaded her. May be since she is sick? She guessed so. Rohit will return in the morning so better lock the door and get to sleep. And after doing exactly that,she went to bed and dimmed all the lights. Plugging the earphones she played a soothing 70’s which might hopefully let her sleep tonight. —————————————————- Nothing had been easy for rohit that night. He had gloriously messed everything up, and when he heard....well practically eavesdropped sonakshi’s and the inspector ‘s discussion backstage he felt like an utter loser. He had left to hospital that very instance, thinking about what sonakshi has been secretly doing for a family....his family which has given her nothing but pain. She made his family hers because she loved him,no doubt. But what has she got in her plate now?! A blame on his father’s alleged suicide which he now got to know as a murder, a blame on a changed prenup which made him lash out for a divorce from her and now she is targeted to be attacked by a known yet unknown family member next. The very thought shook him to the core. As he waited near his father,he called pooja to confirm that sonakshi is safely home but yet he felt anxious.who out of his family can he distrust? He felt so confused. That was when ajit came to see him out of the blue. He questioned him about not putting sonakshi bhabhi in a slot to look after their father and few exchange of words led to one another and a slightly heated arguement began. At the end of which in a fit of anger ajit blurted out that it was not sonakshi but he himself was the one who blurted out naren’s secret to suman aunty. Rohit couldn’t understand what happened to him the moment he heard it. He remembered dragging ajit from where they were to his cabin and slapping the hell at him in anger. He vented not only the anger he had for ajit but also the anger he had for he himself for telling those vicious things to sonakshi.the guilt of making her suffer this long started eating him up.he chased away a beaten up ajit to look after his father tonight,and decided to rush back home. Home? Isn’t it the same place which she is not safe at all right now? Suddenly the fear he had for sonakshi multiplied and He wanted to see her at the earliest possible minute. By the time he reached home,his panic was at its peak and all he wanted to do was to see his sona,and to tell her that he is so damned sorry. The fever that got subsided this morning seemed to rushing up as he felt as if his body was set ablaze. May be it’s the troubling inner turmoil inside him.but if this affected him so much despite being the wrong person here,how would have sonakshi felt being tortured despite she being the right one? He wondered. Trying to open the door and failing,he frantically turned the door knob. He feared At this unusual situation and so many fears about sonakshi started rushing up and down his body. What if she had left him? What if I open the door and find all her stuff gone, what if she had left me. I am the one who said that I can’t share a life with her. No right? She wouldn’t break that promise.he knocked the door with his shivering hand. “sona....” he waited but got no response. What if she had done something to herself? But no she wouldn’t do that to me. And she is not someone who would do that anyway. But I humiliated her past her breaking point.what if she got enough. He crashed his palm against the door as his heart raced. “Sona open the door...please....” he screamed but got no response. What if sona has been attacked as guessed? He remembered the night that mahesh attacked her. He remembered how she shivered against his chest all in tears.his eyes filled up.he remembered how she looked unconscious in his arms on the day she got stuck at the fire in her room before they got married and how she bled and fainted in his arms on the wedding day.he wouldn’t be able to see her in that state again.He hit his fast against the wall. “Sona open the door damn it.” He stamped his palm at the door anxiously,and he was already having his tears rolling down. There was nothing remaining but to force open the door. When he kicked it and crashed inside,everything was dark except for a mini light of a mobile screen and there was a complete silence. In a rush he reached the bed and saw her in a deep sleep while listening to some song. He practically held his chest,trying to calm down his erratically beating heart which almost suffered an attack owing to all the ulta seeda khayals he was having. She has not gone,nor been attacked. She was fine and that was all that mattered. Slowly he paused the songs and held the wires and pulled to take the headset away without waking her up. He stared at her face till the mobile screen went off and his heart made a tug of pain which told him how much this one has suffered,just and because of him. He felt uneasy and guilty way too much to stand there feeling that he has wronged her. While getting to his pyjama,he felt slightly feverish once again. He eyed the thermometer by which he checked for it and that showed him that his temperature has slightly risen.It was like he was sick in mind body soul all three.The splitting headache that has started from the moment he was screaming from the door troubled him and he applied some balm on his forehead.Leaning to the wall and staring at his sona’s curled form who was deep asleep under their blanket he remembered how they all recorded a family video and sent sona just before he married her. It was a welcoming video just for the namesake, none of his sippys properly accepted this innocence and they have just waited giving her blames and letting her take blames that’s it. Pyaar kiya hein tumse. Koi doormat nahi hoon mein samji. He heard her voice.again.why does he now find her pain hidden in that. Why not heard it before. I shouldn’t have questioned why did I marry her. I should have asked why did she marry me. A loser like me. Useless so called cardio surgeon. Who had no heart to love her enough. He went and lay down next to her but with a distance. He felt like he doesn’t truely deserve her. She was too kind too innocent too caring too loving for him. Haan toh prenup chupaayi usse lekhar naraaz tha mein,but mein bhi chupaya rani ke baat usse.naaraz thi lekin kabhi itna hurt nahi kiya hein mujhe ye. Ulta mein paapa ke raaz bataakar rote wakt har naaraaz chod ke apne baahomein lekar mujhe sambhali iss ladki ne. Sona. Seriously why would you do this much for me. He wanted to hug her and cry till he fall asleep. He really wanted to. Slowly he crawled down under the blanket she was tightly holding into and sending his arm around her waist he closed their distance and placed his chin on her shoulder which was partly covered by her hair which seemed still wet. Suddenly he felt as if his body was set ablaze sensing the temperature she had on her. He jolted up wondering if it was his fever.but if it was his,he would definitely have felt her cold against him. Confusingly,he took off that wet hair from her shoulder and placed his palm on her skin and then quickly on her forehead realizing that she was literally burning from fever. He quickly switched on the light to see sonakshi who was shivering,facing her back to him and the view made his breathing stop. “Sona...” her name escaped him even before he thought and cringing in fear he turned her to face him and cupped her sleeping face. “Shit...Sona...hey wake up....please aakhen kolo.” He begged fearing and that fear was over the bounds.it was a fever but he felt like he was soon going to loose her for something. He felt like a breath was caught in his chest. Sonakshi didn’t respond in words,but a slight inaudible sigh left her lips as she unconsciously hugged him tight searching for comfort.her hands travelled inside his tee clutching him tight and she mumbled something against his chest. “Haan? kya boli? sona....what were you saying.” He asked as tears over flew his brims while his hands rubbed her back.she sent both her legs around his long frame and hid her feet among his. She shivered uncontrollably and he was in a stream of panic that seemed to not stop. “Sona...mein aaya hoon,mein hoon tumare paas. Calm down.” He kissed her shoulder which burnt against his lips.he shut his eyes tight,his wife was dead sick and he had no f**king idea.he cursed himself mentally. Yahaan wahaan har jagha follow karke mere khayal rakhne keliye koshish kiye hue ladki ki khayal rakhne keliye mein nahi the. Damn. “R....ohit.” She was whispering. “Haan....sona.kya hua kab fever hue tume....mujhe call kyun nahi kiya...hey...” He tried to hold her face and made her open her eyes to see him but she was too weak for that. Closing her eyes she whispered something which he couldn’t hear well so he bent over so that his ear rested against her lips. “Meri....paas....mat raho...tume....bhi bhukar hojayega...” She was saying. He cupped her head for both his palms and started sobbing against her hair. “Hone do mujhe bhi bhukaar.jo bhi hoga hone do mujhe....hamesha mere baaremein sochna bandh karo sona....ek baar apne baaremein toh soch lo.kamse kam ab eisa karo...” she smiled weakly. “S...tubborn B..achche...” He sniffed up seeing her like that. “Rohit....mujhe.....chod lo....mein chali jaungi...mujhse shaadi karke,tume bohot takleef hua hein....mujhe property yaa paise kuch nahi....chahiye.agar tume tasalli m....ile toh wahi...bohot hein....” “Don’t say that...” he started sobbing loudly. “Don’t say that sona...please.i am sorry for all that.I was an ass.I am sorry sona...” He begged her loudly. She took her right hand off his back and still having her eyes closed,brought it near his eyes weakly.tracing her shivering fingers up his stubble,she wiped his tears. “Ro...na mat.p...please.i cannot....bear you crying.aur rote wakt...tum bohot ugly dikte hein.” She stammered.he grabbed her palm and kissed it over and over again,as it to say how sorry he is. “Pagal.itna pyaar mat karo mujhse,itna pyaar karte bhi kyun ho mujhse tum.” She was silent. And immobile. “Sona...?” He panicked. “Sona uto. Hey.hey. Sona....sun rahi ho tum? Hey....sona.” He tapped her cheeks crazily. “Tak....chuki hoon mein apne...aapse rohit. Tum nahi tak chuke ho....mere saat rehe rehe kar..” she whispered again oddly. He took a deep sigh of relief as he heard her voice but what she asked broke him. “Tak chuke hoon mein? Sona wo mujh poochna hein tumse. Itna takleef deti hoon mein aur hum sab tume. Tum nahi tak chuki hoon mere saat? Haan?” He whipsered planting kisses among her hair. “i....can never be thinking about....you like that.....tumse zyaada pyaar mein kissiko....nahi karti....” He gathered her to his arms and sat on the bed and leaned to the bed rest. Taking her to his lap he made her upper body rest against him and secured her head against his chest. “Lekin srif pyaar kaafi nahi...hote naa rohit. I hurt...you always.toh tum teek...kehe rahe the. You need...a bloody divorce...Tum mujhe chod hi lo...rohit. Mujhe divorce.....” he covered her lips from his palm. He hated to hear that from her then how would she have beared it when he said that to her before. “Tume jo bhi kehena hein kaho phir mujhe tume chod ne keliye mat kaho,tumari bina jeenkeliye mat kaho. Tumse dhoor honekeliye mat kaho. Mein marjayenge sona. I will die. I will die without you.” “shh....eisa nahi kehete...teek hein?!” She tried to stop him. “Mujhe sab kuch pata chalgaya hein sona. Ajit ne bataya....aur tum inspector ke saat baat karte hue bi suna. I am sorry for all the bullshit i did there on stage. Pagal hogaya hoon mein...i am so damn sorry sona....i am so damn sorry for everything.” He whispered caressing her back and cuddling her to himself like a little baby. She was too weak to talk but she sighed against him. A sigh of relief he knew that. “Sometimes mujhe lagta hein sona ki mere pyaar srif ek lafzon se hein....kitna kuch keheke tume yahaan le aaya,kitna welcoming kiya....lekin sach much meri parviaar aur mein tumne kya diya..dhard diya? Thappad maara? Dhamki dediya? Blame kardiya? Aur tum sab sehen ke jiya. Tume eisa kyun kiya mein ne? I mean....this is not the way i should have looked after you.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “Agar....tume pata hota ki mein sahi ho....tabbhi tum mujhe eisa treat karenge?” She asked and he felt her lips moving against his collarbone. “Kabhi nahi.” “Toh....bas.yehi hein. Kabhi....kabhi cheezein hamare haat mein nahi hote. Uss...wakt hue galti ke baremein baat karke kya faida. Rohit...har ek din....ek nayi shuruwaat karo...kya hua hein ussmein atakkein mat jiyo,kya karna hein aage usske baremein soch kar jiyo.jab tak humare saas chal rahe hein tab tak sab kuch teek karsakte hein hum.” She whispered as her hand rubbed his chest up and down slowly.he rested his head on hers and took a deep breath as he felt soothed healed and comforted by the soul which he had always taken for granted. Never he will ever do that again, he promised himself that moment and he knew he was going to keep that promise till he is alive.They stayed in each other’s arms in silence, her hands rubbing his back and his arms holding her tightly against his frame. There was solace among them both like they have never had before. “Chalo hum hospital chalte. Tumare tabiyat bilkul bhi teek nahi hein....” He tapped her cheek asking her to open her eyes after a while. “Doctor..... mere paas hi hein....mujhe kahi nahi jaana....” she cuddled to him not opening her eyes. “Toh chalo.Ye wet hair ke saat so nahi sakte,come i will dry your hair. Move. Mein dryer leke aate hoon.” He rubbed her back. “Mat jao.abhi abhi kehediya ki....mujhse dhoor nahi ho sakte.Toh....ab kyun...” She asked in a helpless tone. “Toh chalo, har jagah tume utaakar jaate hoon.” He said getting up with her in his arms. She hid her face in his neck and weaved her legs around his torso and clinged to his shoulders tightly. He walked to find the dryer and plugged it from his left hand while he held her single handedly from other side. Then he slowly made her sit on the recliner and then she hugged his waist and leaned her head against his body. He dried her hair quickly and properly like someone who looks after a baby. “Itne tez bhukar hote wakt cold shower kaun leta hein sona? Har jagha mere khayal rakhne aati hoon. Thoda soch lena chahiye ta....nahi? Tume to aadat hi nahi hein khud ke baare mein saraaza bi sochna....” He complained running his fingers among her long locks as he was drying them. Too tired,she didn’t say anything but her lips curved to a smile hearing all this rants. Finishing his work, he called YK to bring him crocin. And just as he unplugged the dryer off he heard the knock YK did at their door. He wanted to go quickly get the medicine but sonakshi clinged to him. Again he took her to his arms and she crossed her legs behind him the same way he had carried her earlier. Then only he got a little conscious about what she wore. He had never seen her in this before and he definitely didn’t want anyone else to see her like that except him. Hence he slowly walked and opened the door to a decimal like gap. “Tujhe ab bhi fever hein?” YK asked worriedly. “Mujhe nahi.Sona bimar hein.” “What?!” “Yeah.” YK didn’t fail to notice rohit’s red eyes and half dried tears through the tiny gap. “Ye darwaasa achche so khol. Mujhe dekhna hein kya hua hein.” YK said remembering how rohit threw her sarees away and fought with her the other day. Has anything worse happened today. Rohit asked not to, but too late YK halfway entered and then quickly backed off understanding what was on rohit’s mind. His lips made a happy smile seeing how he saw Rohit carrying sonakshi in his arms like that. “Meri wife bimar hein aur tume hassi aarahe hein YK?” Rohit asked annoyingly. “Nahi bimar hoke bhi sab kuch teek hone jaa rahe hein. Iss wajeise hass rahi hoon.” YK said throwing the crocin for rohit to catch and he did. YK left happily knowing that everything is going to go well now. Rohit locked their room door and carried sonakshi to the bed.Putting her down slowly on bed,he made her drink the crocin and she followed his orders like a little one who was getting on and off the sleep from time to time.then he made her lie down and came around to place himself next to her.She was still sleeping in the same way he placed her awhile ago, her back facing him. He moved closer to her and drew her to his arms and placed his chin on her shoulder again. And he felt her taking a deep sigh feeling him next to her. “I am scared.” He said. He honestly still was. “kyun?” She asked slowly. “Tum...teek ho jayengi na?” He asked in a voice that was about to break down. “B...hukar se m....arte hein kya log?” “Shut up sona.” She weakly laughed and her shaking shoulder made him understand it. “Sawaal bhi...tum karte ho.sawaal ke jawaab se naraaz bhi hote ho....” “Wo jawaab nahi tha.tum jawaab ke badlemein ek sawaal hi kardi hein sona.” He said cuddling to her.She sent her hand back and tapped her palm against his stubble as if to console him. After a little pause he planted a kiss on her cheek. “Badi....pyaar aate hein aapko iss gandi patient se...” “Haan aate hein aur tum gandi nahi ho. Ab Mere baat sunenge?” He asked impatiently and she gave a nod. “Kese bardaaf kiya mujhe aur mere harkatein.” “Rohit....pyaar karne log.... ki har ek harkatein bardaaf karna...wo toh sab karta hein...” “Sab nahi karta.srif tumne kiya hein.” “Eisa....nahi hein.” “Eisa hi hein....mujhe dekhlo. Tume bardaaf karne bagair ulta tumse naaraz hochuke hoon.aur humiliate kar raha thaa aur thaane mar raha tha mein ne tume bas.” “Sarroori....nahi hein ki both have... to have patience at once....kabhi mein kar rahi thi.... kyun ki meri jagah... alag thi. Ek din sarrorat padenge toh....mujhe yakesn hein ki....tum bhi karenge...” He sent a leg over her body and locked her to his frame. And he decided to ask the question he had in mind from a long time. “Mein jeise aadmi se shaadi kyun kiya hein tum sona....” “Kyun....ki... tum meri rohit sippy hoon. pyaari hein,nakhre bhi karte hein...gussa naak par hein...hyper hein....lekin jitna tez hyper ho jaate ho utna jaldi shaant bhi ho jaate hein.....dil ke bohot achche ho.aur tum tum hi ho. Kissike liye apne aapko badalte nahi ho....kuch karke kuch aur dikhaane waala nahi hoon tum. You are you....and i love that you.” He sighed at her weak voice. “Itna hi hein?” “Aur bhi hein lekin,chahakar bhi aaj baat nahi kar sate mein.... fever kuch zyaada hein meri issiliye...” She made him smile. “Mere taraf dekhengi tum?” He begged.she slowly turned to him. “Kuch hein jo mujhe badal sakte hein mujhmein? Tumare liye.” He asked. She placed her index finger on his right side. “Mere liye nahi.....apne liye,itna peena bandh karo doctor surgeon....liver ke liye....achcha nahi hota.” She started to smile and he followed, among the tears that had formed while listening to how much she had been loving him. “Aur itna rona bhi...mat. You look sexy when you smile.” She said sending her hands around his neck and crossing her fingers behind his nape. “Bolo ki tum mujhe chod ke nahi jaungi.” He pleaded her. She nodded. “Kaagaz pe...sign karke dedu?” “Sona.” “Kabhi nahi jaungi rohit.” “Bolo ki tum ab bhi mujhse pyaar karti hein? Karti hein na?” She drew her close to him. “Marte hi dum tak srif aur srif tume pyaar karungi.” He rested his forehead on hers. “Aur kuch bhi kehedu?” She asked. “What?” He asked. “har ek janam ek leech ke tarha tumse chipakke pyaar karungi.” “Wo mere dialogue hein, tum kuch aur doondo tumari pyaar ki extent dikhaane mein.” He complained rubbing his stubble against her yet warm cheeks. But he was glad that her temperature was going down. He looked at those beautiful eyes she owned,the big brown eyes that could always melt him from within. “Tumari ye fever attire hamesha peheno na....kaafi sexy lagti hoon.” He whispered with a smirk. “Ek Patient ke saat ab flirting shuru mat karo.” She smiled rubbing her thumbs against his cheeks. Her smile was infectious. He couldn’t resist how beautiful she looked. “Can i kiss you?” He asked abruptly. “What!?” She asked. “Can i?” “Where?” “Lips. Aur kahaan? Oh.....wait you needed me to kiss somewhere else?” “You are the doctor.you should know where to kiss when your wife has fever taaki tume mujhse fever infect naa ho.” “Baad mein gaye fever wo toh mujhe bhi already hein.” “Kya?! Kabse.” He held her wrist softly,trying to take her lips in his but she covered his lips with her hand. And then placed her lips atop her palm and winked with a smile. “You are a damn turn on.ek tho mujhe kiss karne nahi deti aur dusri taraf almost kiss karti.” “we kiss the first time now and next day you are down with fever.not happening Dr.rohit.” She said rolling her eyes. “Toh kahi aur chalega? Not on lips but you know.iss strappy top se bohot kuch dekha jaa sakte hein.” He teased and earned a slight hit on his arm.he smiled and hugged her tighter. “It’s cold.” She said. “Laao AC bandh kar dete.” He tried to take the remote at her side but she held his hand. “Can we cuddle and sleep?” “Of course paagal.” “Eise nahi....” “Phir?!” “Tee shirt utaro.” “What?!” He asked shocked at her bold words. “Utaro,mujhe body heat chahiye,it’s a medical requirement.” She said naughtily and he smirked.taking the tee shirt off he threw it aside and she cuddled to him. “tumari bhi utaardu? Mujhe bhi medical requirement lena hein.” “Rohit.” She threatened him falsely when his fingers ran up inside her strapp top from the back. He kissed her forehead. “Get well soon,wifey.” He said. “Get well soon,patidev.” She chuckled as her lips planted a surprise kiss on his chest. He bent over removing one strap of her top and placed his lips somewhere at her shoulder. They cuddled tight and fell asleep as every misunderstanding came to a halt that night. Happy times were there again. WasutheCrazy

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#SEO #Local SEO training Ronakshi OS : Together Again | KHKT | Kahaan Hum Kahaan Tum | Kahan Hum Kaha

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yeskraim · 5 years

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The Indian school where Indigenous children are ‘never outsiders’

Boro Baski’s goals in life were pretty simple: to complete his education and find a job to support his family.

But Baski, who is now in his late 50s, did not go into the same line of agricultural labour as generations of his family before him.

He and his parents are members of the Santhal community in the village of Bishnubati in West Bengal, India.

The Santhal community is one of the largest Indigenous groups in South Asia, with 7.4 million members worldwide and an estimated four million in the Indian states of Jharkhand, West Bengal, Bihar and Odisha. Many can also be found in Assam.

Its members mostly follow the Sarna religion, worshipping nature and ancestral spirits, although some are now Christian or Hindu. While Baksi and his father, like most of their community, followed the Sarna religion, his mother was Christian.

In 1977, one of his mother’s brothers, a Christian teacher, persuaded Baski‘s parents to send him to a missionary boarding school 50km (30 miles) away, and offered to pay the fees.

He was not only the first member of his family to experience a formal education, he was also the first from his village.

He was also the first to be given a formal birth date. The people of his village recall dates of birth using the seasons and major natural occurrences. His parents, for example, remember his date of birth as “the year that had great floods”. It was only in school that the date of April 4, 1968, was assigned as his birth date – he will never know the actual date.

Boro Baski was the first person from his village to receive formal education; now he helps educate children from his community [Rosemary Marandi/Al Jazeera]

A language barrier

During the 11 years he attended boarding school, Baski returned to his village for summer and winter breaks but increasingly found its more traditional way of life uncomfortable. There were no ceiling fans or bright lights like they had at boarding school, no concrete floors, no tables or chairs to sit on, and no friends to communicate with in his new-found language, Bengali.

He felt distant from his peers in the village. “We did not, any longer, have common topics to discuss, nor common interests,” Baski remembers.

He experienced the same problem – in reverse – when he was at school. There, he longed to express himself in his mother tongue, to share stories he had heard from his elders and even to break into songs and dances from his community.

Baski came to understand that a major factor dividing tribal communities from the rest of India was the difficulty children from these communities face when it comes to accessing formal schooling, partly as a result of the language barrier. The Santhal community’s first language is Santhali but in mainstream Indian schools, lessons are taught in Bengali, Hindi or English.

“If you put a Santhal and Bengali boy together in a class, the former will obviously find it difficult to compete because he has the disadvantage of not knowing well the language of instruction,” Baski explains.

“Everyone wants to learn but the problem is atmosphere, the medium of teaching and the method of teaching, besides the facts of economics. It is the reason why tribal children find it difficult to integrate with the mainstream.”

Another factor is the cost of schooling. According to a 2015 report by the Indian Ministry of Human Resource Development, the annual secondary school drop-out rate among Indigenous children in India is just above 40 percent compared with the national average of about 25 percent. The ministry lists “economic” issues as the biggest reason for the dropouts – families just cannot afford to keep their children in school.

Bridging worlds

One evening, when Baski was 18, a chance encounter in the muddy, half-lit railway station in Prantik (a stop on the line to Kolkata), 6km (4 miles) from his village, gave him with the key to bridging his two worlds.

That evening, Baski spotted another local boy, Sona Murmu, travelling with German researcher Martin Kampchen. “I was intrigued to see a white man with a boy who looked like a local Santhal,” Baski remembers. “So I offered to help them board the train.”

Kampchen had come to the local Viswa-Bharati University in 1979 and had studied the Indigenous communities in surrounding West Bengali villages. He was particularly interested in discovering why so many children were dropping out of secondary school and wanted to devise a way to help them continue their studies.

Now, he was helping Sona, the only boy from his village to have completed his secondary education, to teach what he had learned to other local children during evening coaching lessons, often conducted under a tree.

The philosophy behind Kampchen’s method was simple: children within Indigenous communities who had received an education would teach those who had not or who were struggling with their schoolwork, to keep them from dropping out.

Six months after this fateful meeting, Kampchen visited Bishnubati and persuaded Baski to start the practice there. And so his life’s work of bringing education to the children of his community began, with coaching children who were just starting school to help them cope better with the syllabus.

Children in class at the Rolf Schoemb school near the village of Bishnubati in West Bengal [Rosemary Marandi/Al Jazeera]

‘Development from within’

To facilitate the evening coaching classes, Baski and Sona, together with Kampchen, founded the non-governmental organisation (NGO) Ghosaldanga Adibasi Seva Sangha (GASS), named after the village Sona comes from.

“Our idea of development is based on a very old idea taken up by many great minds such as Mahatma Gandhi and [the poet] Rabindranath Tagore,” Baski explains. “It is about development from within. Development through the strength of the community’s own.”

In 1996, the NGO went one step further, opening a day school – the Rolf Schoemb Vidyashram (RSV) – close to the villages of Bishnubati and Ghosaldanga (Vidyashram means the “house of learning”).

The school, which offers free education, also provides hot meals to encourage poor parents to send their children. Its ethos is one of community, with programmes devised and implemented by members of the community rather than by outsiders who might not be familiar with the strengths of and issues faced by local people.

The standard provision of blanket-style education, imposed by the Indian government, has often been criticised as unsuitable for Indigenous communities.

But now this more needs-focused form of schooling has started to spread, with about 500 such schools across India.

Known as “Ashram” schools, they are often residential, with pupils and teachers living on the campus.

The Rolf Schoemb school, named after the German astrophysicist who left a legacy in his will for this purpose, currently has 146 pupils and is funded by charitable donations but has books and study materials provided by the government. It takes students who live nearby in classes between kindergarten and Year 4.

We do not sell aspirations. What we are trying to do is help them identify their talent, through education as well as through various activities such as farming, art and music.

Boro Baski

Children start off learning in their own language before progressing to Bengali and, in later years, English. To help them learn the alphabets of new languages, the school uses words in the children’s mother tongue to explain them.

The multi-faceted approach of the school, which places equal emphasis on extracurricular activities, such as art, clay modelling, music, farming and gardening, also attracts parents and children to the school, where they attend classes until noon.

For children pursuing higher education in more formal schools beyond Year 4, GASS provides hostel accommodation within its grounds to enable them to remain in a learning environment. The schools they attend are usually a few kilometres away and they travel by public transport together. The hostels currently house 40 boys and girls.

The community’s needs are central to the aims of the school. “We do not sell aspirations,” Baski explains. “What we are trying to do is help them identify their talent, through education as well as through various activities such as farming, art and music.”

‘I never felt like an outsider’

This approach has found favour with parents and pupils. Pradeep Hansda, 17, who studied at RSV until Year 4 and now resides in the hostel for older students studying elsewhere, says: “I never felt like an outsider there. It always felt like being around your own people.”

Hansda’s parents are farmers but he wants to be a teacher. He will sit his Year 10 exams this year.

For Pansuri Baske, giving her niece a better life meant providing her with an education. She is encouraged when her niece, who is a Year 4 student at RSV, says she wants to go to school, even during holidays.

“My niece never wants to be absent from school. She loves singing and reciting poetry. The best thing about RSV is their informal way of teaching and the fact that these children learn in different languages, including our own,” she adds. Baske hopes her niece can realise her dream of becoming a nurse.

Schooling takes a practical approach here. Even though the school and the villages of Bishnubati and Ghosaldanga lie within 10km (6 miles) of the homes of two Nobel laureates – Bengali writer and poet Rabindranath Tagore and economist Amartya Sen – they are emphatically not held up as the children’s only local role models.

“They [the children] have aspirations but they will work within their means,” Baski explains. “Some people want to be carpenters, tailors or teachers, or to pursue hotel management, and we help them do it.”

The atmosphere at the school is informal, with equal emphasis on academic and extracurricular activities [Rosemary Marandi/Al Jazeera]

Keeping the faith

Baski, who holds a doctorate in education and a master’s in social work from Viswa Bharati University, says he is happy being an educator. He has become a strong voice of the community not just in India but elsewhere, writing articles and books, and representing his community at conferences.

He is also dedicated to preserving Santhal cultural heritage.

In 2007, GASS built a small museum in Bishnubati to preserve some 100 artefacts, including weapons, musical instruments, photographs and medicinal herbs, that represent the community. Most of the artefacts were donated by tribal elders from across the states of West Bengal, Jharkhand and Odisha. They include silver jewellery once owned by Baski’s mother.

“The idea is to tell the world that we are not just happy-go-lucky people, as perpetuated by the mainstream media,” he says. “We have held expertise in hunting and fishing tools, in sophisticated music and medicines, for generations. It is just that this expertise was never spoken about.”

One of the pictures adorning the walls of the museum is of his wedding to his Catholic wife, a teacher, in a ceremony that marked both Santhal and Christian traditions – a symbol of the amalgamation of two distinct identities.

Baski met his wife, Asha Baski, when he visited the school she was teaching at in Kolkata to talk about his initiative. His family lives 100km away in Bandel, where Asha works, while Baski stays on in his village, overseeing the school.

His oldest daughter, Ipil, is studying English literature at Jadavpur University in Kolkata, while his younger daughter, Aril, attends school in Bandel.

“I don’t yearn for luxuries any more,” he says, as the winter sun peeps through the sonajhuri and acacia trees in the school compound. “What I do yearn for is for our children to be proud of their cultural heritage and preserve the traditions we hold so close.”

As if to demonstrate, as the sun begins to set, Baski takes his flute from his office drawer and plays a traditional tune.

The post The Indian school where Indigenous children are ‘never outsiders’ appeared first on Gadgets To Make Life Easier.

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Grand Academy For Future Villains II: Attack of the Sequel, Chapter 10: Rise of Chapter Ten. A commentary for Three.

General CW for the whole thing: parental abuse, internalised dehumanisation as a trauma response. Three’s not doing well.

Specific CW that there isn’t a chapter nine and it Bothers Me agh.

Game 1

Game 2

Alternatively, read on Google Docs here

***

#"Guards! Darkboard! Mom! Intruder in the school!"

But your voice only echoes down the empty corridors.

"DarkBoard can't help you here," says Val, zir pen working busily on the paper. "That's why I'm here in the first place. That and saving the world. Just like my destiny foretold, I guess, thought I never thought this is what it meant. Turns out destiny is a strange and ironic thing."

((The game actually reads “Guards! DarkBoard! Mom! Your mother!” I assume this is a bug.))

Scorpius is here with Val, of course, so Three’s first thought is that ze convinced zir to come back. But then why are they in the admin building, in particular? And what is Val doing with the paperwork? Three doesn’t have anything personal against Val, they’re even sympathetic to zir. But they do know ze’s dangerous. Val doesn’t exactly do anything to make them feel better.

"No, you disappointment," adds the clone, "not the replica, me. Do you know how hard it is to make one of these things talk? I'm in the School Head's decoy office and unless you come here and help me, Horror is going to lose the house tournament. I'll be ruined! As your original creator, I order you! Drop what you're doing and help me!"

Imagine that: teaching classes, the personal management of the mindless hordes of maintenance staff, the pursuit of tenure, the faculty sponsorship of the Science Fiction dorm, and the leading role in the final school tournament challenge might have been a little too much for your mother. Is this…is this the first time she's ever actually asked for help?

"Your mother's calling," says your former roommate, stacking up the papers on the desk with one hand, keeping the flashback gun leveled at you with the other. "Go on."

Three isn’t the kind of person to bail on plans, but they’ve already helped Aurion a fair bit, and dealing with Val really is more important. This, on the other hand…

They’ve spent years running around making Maedryn’s life easier, but she’s never just admitted she needed their help before. How are they supposed to ignore her now, particularly when she gave them a direct command? But even leaving aside the fact that this means betraying Aurion (as much as Three doesn’t want to, they know he’ll understand, and maybe even be impressed), they can’t just let Val walk free either. Not when ze’s a threat to the Academy. Val has to come with them.

Val doesn’t particularly care to help Three. They’re planning to pretend to leave, and then return with their gun raised and the replica as a shield, but luckily, Scorpius convinces Val to come and help Maedryn before they have to try. Scorpius, by this point, has stopped making even a token effort to pretend ze’s loyal to Thriller, has all but moved into Dev’s room, and even fought for Horror in the virtual DarkBoard quest. Ze’s still very invested in Horror’s win, and Val’s invested enough in Scorpius to agree to go with zir.

Cautiously you approach the throne room door. You're expecting a variety of traps to greet you—but you see they have already been sprung. Peering around the corner, you see your mother facing off against none other than Dev. Leader of the genre that you swore to undermine.Distracting your mother as a way to get her to call off the defending forces? Clever.

They circle each other slowly across the throne room floor, hardly needing to look down to avoid the bottomless pits, the illusory tiles, and the triggers for the giant descending pendulums. Your mother appears to be armed with a classroom laser pointer.

Of course, you've seen her blow holes in student projects from across the room with this particular tool, so she's probably as well armed as she needs to be.

Neither of them have noticed you in the doorway.

#Defend my mother from Dev. I know she'll make it worth my while.

Your mother catches your eye as she backs Dev towards you. She takes it for granted that you're going to assist her. You are, of course. It'll just take a little planning.

Dev is avoiding the bottomless pit in the floor with practiced ease, but is not counting on someone coming up from behind and giving a well-placed shove. Which you do. The long fading scream is a measure of satisfaction.

"There!" Your mother catches her breath and staggers back to the throne. "You have done well.”

I know Maedryn’s supposed to back Horror if Sci-Fi wins the semi-final, and considering she just told me she was worried about losing, this is presumably a bug. I’m not sure how easy Dev would be to shove into a pit, either.

Not that adny of that really matters. Three arrives to help Maedryn against Fantasy, but by this point, Aurion’s already distracted fighting Cazenar, who’s trying to sabotage him. Dev and Scorpius get distracted by smooching, because they haven’t seen each other since Scorpius went after Val. Three discovers that, as Maedryn’s RA, Sona is also here to help Maedryn out, so has to work out what to do in this chaos to make themself look better than Sona. Val really doesn’t care about any of this.

And then a forcefield appears around the seven students, and A Baroness walks in and shoves a very distracted Maedryn into the bottomless pit, before reminding everyone what she said at the beginning of the year. “You can accomplish so much when you bring people together. And even more when you play them against each other."

So, weak and mortal student, We cannot help but notice that you have selected none for your consort. Could this be because the flesh holds no temptation for you—that you know a stranger and more uncanny hunger? Join Us, join Us, and let your consciousness be absorbed into Our millionfold awareness! See with a thousand eyes! Reach out with a hundred hands!

Think about it anyway.

I mean, yes, that is absolutely 100% why. And assimilating would be… a welcome relief. At present though, Three feels they can serve better outside of DarkBoard. And they’d like to know who, precisely, DarkBoard’s been assimilating, to get a hundred hands but a thousand eyes. Three respects DarkBoard greatly, but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to tease them about how unrealistic their attempt at sounding grandiose is.

"…Thriller is the reigning genre of the Grand Academy for Future Villains."

Well deserved. Three is pleased to hear it, both for Ulik, and A Baroness.

"We have been unable to reach a conclusion on the final accreditation of the Grand Academy for Future Villains."

Groans. Hisses. The muffled sound of elbows being jabbed into ribs as the eyes of the Head sweep around the hall and students hush each other.

"We will be summoning a fourth member of the Board of Visitors and Overlords to assist us in our deliberations," says Lord X, "and anticipate having a final ruling on the Academy's future within the week. In the meantime…"

Ms. Goul touches his arm. He looks down as she passes him a paper.

"In the meantime," he says, "we will be conducting interviews with individual students and members of the faculty. The following entities will be summoned to attend over the course of the next week. Three—"

You don't hear any of the rest of the list. Is this about Val? Have they found zir? What do they know about what you did?

You jam your hands into your pockets to stop them from shaking, and there you find something strange. A paper of some sort—you definitely didn't put it in there.

Hunching forward over your table to prevent anyone from seeing, you draw it out. It's an envelope—yellow with age and smelling of dust. The last time you saw that envelope, Val was folding up a paper and putting it inside. Ze must have slipped it into your pocket over the course of your confrontation. How did you manage to miss it?

You take out the paper and unfold it. It's an official form from the days before DarkBoard digitized all of the Academy's records. You can't immediately make head or tail of it, but you see a spot on the printed page where information has been filled in by hand.

BY CONSENT OF THE ADMINISTRATION AND UNDER SUPERVISION OF THE BOARD OF VISITORS AND OVERLORDS, you read, THREE IS AN OFFICIAL REGISTERED FATAL WEAKNESS OF THE GRAND ACADEMY FOR FUTURE VILLAINS TYPE 3.3.75

There’s a lot of terrifying things happening here. Firstly, the fact that the auditors are undecided. Three doesn’t know what’s gone wrong for them to be undecided still. Is it because of Val? Is it the way Maedryn’s slipping? Have Three and Professor Ulik not done enough to cover Professor Arthenes’ workload? Whatever it is, Three should have done better.

And then Lord X says the auditors want to speak to them, which carries the terror that the auditors know who they are and care about their opinion at all, but also the relief and hope if they give a glowing enough testimonial about the Academy, they can save it. And another wave of fear over the idea of the auditors listening to them…

And then there’s the paper, which is the most terrifying thing of all. Val’s been telling Three all year that they’re more important than they make out to be, that they have narrative weight, that they mean anything at all. And now they’ve made it true. Three is only just able to crumple the paper up tightly in their hand before the room starts spinning around them in the worst panic attack they’ve ever had.

#three #scorpius sanderson #grand academy for future villains #choice of games #valorous flame #a baroness #maedryn #darkboard #Particular Associates in Personal Intimate Experiences

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lolsmurfaccounts · 6 years

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Most Bizarre League of Legends Puns of 2018

When it comes to coming up with jokes and puns, League of Legends players cannot be outclassed by anyone. There are lots of different types of puns out there especially, so we have gone through the internet with a fine-toothed comb to find the most bizarre, the funniest and the best. These are definitely not the only puns out there for LOL. There are enough of them that you could fill up an entire series of encyclopedias and still need more room.

But these are definitely some of the best ones out there. We’ve also divided them up into eight different categories so that you can choose the ones that you like the best. Some of these are great, some of them are so bad they’re good, but they are all worth reading. Let’s get started.

When Forum Users Are Asked for League of Legends Puns

The first category that we’ve chosen is simply the one showcasing the responses that come when League of Legends players are asked to come up with puns. There are quite a few that have been bandied around the internet for a long time, but what is surprising is that many users are able to come up with some of the funniest puns out there right on the fly.

Part of that is being inspired by the post above you, but some of them are so truly original that all you can do is upvote the post and laugh to yourself. Here is exactly what happens when LOL players are asked to post their best puns in a forum.

I could tell you a zilean of them but I could not be bothered

I’m sure Ziggs would have a blast making some dynamite puns on this thread. Surprised this thread hasn’t exploded with more replies!

Jarvan puns would be Exemplar-y.

Urgot to be kidding me, these jokes are Tibbersable. Half of them are Ireliavent.

C’MON post more!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want to have posted this thread in vayne.

I don’t Evelyn know what to post…

Dat Ashe

Need to post it in my new twitcher account

My brain Ziggs and Zaggs trying to think of more. I’ve come to think that coming up with a good one is just Lux. Post more pl0x!

Well i think im pretty VIKTORious when thinking up lol puns

Fizz decided to take mid-lane for the halibut.

Yall can follow this horrible thread to your graves

Knock knock. Udyr?

Volibear: Hmm… You might be expecting some un-bear-able pun. I’m going to tear the enemy apart with my bear hands!

Karma is a *****.

Wow let me Ashe you guys a question; what kind of twist of fate put us all here ? Is there Annie answer for that question?

Go Diana fire.

If I post in this thread while in my car, does it could as texting while Draven?

Oh, god why Zyra want to communicate with me using a thornmail im gonna leaf her alone

Kayle yourself.Go Diana hole.This thread isnt really Nasus ary.

We Kennen this right now.

I managed to get away with it though, so at least my efforts weren’t in Vayne.

Alright, this is getting Downright Darius, so I’m gonna leave. (Your leaver status has risen to 1)

The Chinese was A.K.A. Li.

An enemy has been sWain.

Viktor-y.

Gankplank.

Masteryies.

Jokes? I got a Zilean of them!

Urgot to be kidding me!

Annieways, let’s start!

Hey, Anniebody home?

Could i ashe you a question?

TIME to win the Euro Zileans!

Stupid people! They are Phreaking me out, man!

Sivir me Tibbers!

You ** Ashe hole!

I wish you good Lux.

This will work, i Garen-tee!

That TANK will RAMM-US!

This left me SIVIRly disappointed.

Well, that was a nice Twist of Fate.

Annie is pretty hot.

Ashe is cool, but Kayle is divine.

Irelia don’t know what you’re talking about…

Pfft, Lee sin to reason.

Ryze and shine.

Your digging your own Graves.

Udyr challenge me?

Seems like bad Miss Fortune to me.

Dont get Corki.

Cho´gath! Eat my Fizz.

I Garen-tee that you will lose.

All hail the glorious Chairman Maokai.

Man i miss-clicked becouse of thar Twitch.

Maan, you could hear that Ziggsplosion from miles.

I-realy need a nerf mor my W.

Want to get out of elo hell? You gotta Ryze to the occasion.

how do you Darius that computer when I’m not home?

Sona we are doing these puns again…

Vi must stop with the puns!

Long-Form League Puns

Most of the puns out there are really short one-liners. But then we came across people that really must have thought about the puns that they were going to create and then worked to turn all of the puns that they came up with into a coherent paragraph. That was extremely impressive, and it took a great deal of work, so we thought that they deserved their own category.

That’s why we have listed these long-form puns below, so that you can appreciate them in all of their glory – as well as their corniness – by themselves. These are truly the best of the long-form puns. Whoever came up with these should be proud of their work, and if you search for them, you will be able to find the original posts yourself.

Okay… Are you guys for ez-real? This has been done to death, and I Garen-tee that Annie of the puns Urgot have already been used. I mean, there’s a Zilean possibilities, and I’m not just triforcing to get a Ryze out of you, I’m being sincere. Stop with the puns. They’re lane.

This is really lane. Some of you champs needs to Ryze to the occasion. Anivia would have thought this thread would be reborn again. Seriously Brolafs? I feel like I’m going to go berserk if I don’t see some more puns here. I never Everlynn would have thought my hate would have spiked towards you guys like this. It just makes me twitch. I think I’m done with this post, before my endless rage ignited again, I need someone to come stand united with me. I think we’re all on the same team fights here. Bye!!!

But on the other hand, I asked my girlfriend and she said Shyvana keep on making up LoL puns. She thinks they’re a Riot. I swear, she has a Renekton of them. Speaking of my girl, she’s more of just a friend. Our parents just tried to Rammus together. (She’s a Phreak sometimes though, if you know what i mean) But i still Twitch when i think of her in Amumu. Enough of her though. That was irrEvelynnt.

I accidentally Draven to an old lady crossing the street today. But killing is a BIG Nunu, so THERE’s some bad Karma for you. I was scared so i took the body to a river (I didn’t want her to Ryze from the dead)

I Garentee these puns are not funny, I heard a Zilean of them but I always Zed they aren’t funny, in fact, it Lux like they are Aatroxiously not funny. They are Anniething but new, so atleast please make Brand new funny jokes or Elise people will downvote you

LOL Puns So Bad They’re Good

While compiling the puns for this article, we came across lots of bad ones. Some were just bad so they were chucked out, while others were so bad that we couldn’t bear to discard them. They are like some old horror movies – they are so awful, so terribly bad that they are actually good. It is a fine line when something surpasses that mark, but just take a look at these and see if you don’t agree that they need their own cult following.

These so-bad-they-are-good puns are going to make you groan, but you will also remember them later and hopefully, if we have done our job well, they will elicit a chuckle, even against your own better judgment.

I hate Vladimir, he really sucks…

i wouldnt mind these threads if the puns were at least thresh.

OMG that pentakill was Kata-strophic!

I told you not to steal that blue from our AP carry, and now you got killed, it was all bad Karma.

What’s the holdup? Why Ahri waiting?

I ain’t ‘Cho b***h!

Annie’d blue!

Put on some pants. I can see your Ashe.

They need to rename Brand to “Bland”…

Elise you get an assist..

Sometimes I wish this game Ezreal

All this hype is turning out to Fizz!

He needs a Graves because I just destroyed him!

Irelia think this is a bad idea.

Top Ten League of Legends Puns

Okay, so there had to be a best of category. There are a lot of puns out there, and it is really difficult to narrow the thousands that we went through to find the best. However, these are the top ten of the League of Legends puns that we could find on the internet.

You may not agree that these are the best ever (and it is quite possible that there are many that we failed to unearth in our research) but you will almost certainly agree that they are among the best and that they deserve their own category here.

These are the top League of Legends puns, which encompass the really clever, the original and the simply so-true-they-are-funny categories. Let’s take a look at the top ten.

Malphite is once stoned again.

If you’re going to put a blind person in charge of your lottery like Lee Sin you’re going to Miss Fortune.

Teemo and Cho’Gath walk into a bar.. only one of them got hit.

Q: What do you call a Bronze team with Dr. Mundo, Nurse Akali, Surgeon Shen, Kennen M.D., and Soraka? A: Doctors Without Borders.

They should make a League of Legends Broadway show about “Playing Under No Sight” (PUNS). It’d be a play on wards.

If Quinn kills Lucian, is it a hate crime or is it fowl play?

A guy playing top lane, hit 7/7/7; announced in all chat he’d hit the jaxpot.

If I ever achieve 0/0/7 on a support, I steal the next kill. If I get called out on it, I respond ‘license to kill’.

U Vlad bro?

Example of OP Shaco: JAX in the box.

Hilarious Puns from LOL

Sometimes, puns just make you laugh out loud. This is a highly subjective matter, because what is funny (or punny) to one person, might not be to another. So, these might not be as hilarious for you as they were for us. But if you can relate to them, then we’ll bet that they are going to make you laugh out loud as well. Sometimes, the most hilarious ones were the ones that you least expected, and that’s part of what is included here.

But sometimes, it was originality, or a twist on an old pun that was extremely clever. In any case, they are all terrific puns that deserve to be showcased. There aren’t very many of them, because most of the best ones from this category were placed into the top ten instead. Enjoy the few that are here though because they are great too.

Teammate intercepts Caitlyn’s ult right before it hits you, your reaction: “TANK you!”

Undead scientist: SION-tist.

So, there I was eating chicken and Ryze. But it was disgusting, so i threw it in the Thresh.

LOL Puns Straight from the Champion’s Mouth

What about puns that come straight from the champion’s mouths themselves? We found a few of those and they were really funny. They might have been just as funny if someone had else been saying them as well, but the fact that you could imagine your champion saying them was what really distinguished them from the pack. With some champions, you know their personalities so well that you simply can imagine them saying such a terribly funny thing or making a terrific pun.

The creators of these puns knew those champions as well as you and us do, and that’s why we have put them into their own category. These puns are all straight from the mouth of the champion that they are about or are referring to in some way.

Ryze: “Take this scroll and stick it… somewhere safe”

Karthus talking with Anivia: “Do you… feel a chill?”

The mighty Ymir once said: “2 Mushrooms sit in a closet. One tells the other: “There’s not mushroom in here”

Master Yi: “Wuju pass me that potion?”

Rammus: “OK.”

Vayne: “Evil Lux around every corner.”

LeBlanc: “Lux can be deceiving.”

Zilean: “Your TIME has come.”

Garen: “Shut up, we’re losing TIME now….”

Do you even Rift bro? -Kassadin

League Puns in Terrible Taste

Okay, so the fact is, there are some League of Legends jokes out there that are really in terrible taste. For example, there is a joke about Americans not being very good at LOL because they cannot defend their towers. That joke is still unfunny to most Americans so we have not showcased it here. We have also decided to skip the ones that glorify awful things like rape. You might be surprised how many of the puns out there in terrible taste that we simply decided to skip.

But there are also puns that are in terrible taste that are still pretty funny. We think that those puns deserve to be recognized, but that they should come with a warning label so that everyone knows what to expect before they read them. That’s why they have been placed here into their own category.

If you’re swapping main champions; never go from Ashe to Malph.

Why does no one like Annie lategame? Because she’s 18.

Q: What do you call a toxic Thresh that just whiffed his ult? A: A dick in The Box.

Q & A League of Legend Punnery

Finally, we have a category of puns that are sort of Q and A jokes. Most of the good Q & A jokes we came across were included in another chapter of this book. So, we didn’t find very many that were worth including here in this category. However, there were a few and they definitely deserve to be recognized for their originality and hilarity.

These are not usually classified as puns, since they are mostly in joke format, but the pun was there in each of them. Let’s take a look at some of the Q & A puns that we found.

Q: How do you know Alistar is dyslexic?

A: He always goes oom!

What do you do to a toxic Zyra? Repot them.

Q: What do you say when you unintentionally outplay your opponent as Zyra?

A: All plant.

Q: How long does it take to save up enough money for Locket?

A: Aegis

Q: What is the Undead Juggernaut’s religion?

A: Siontology

Q: What do you call it when renekton rushes a chain vest?

A: An In-vest-igator!

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