#but everyone comments on their resemblance constantly throughout the books

[highkey-lowkey-as-hell]

thinking about the fact that eris and jenny look exactly alike

[kaypeace21]

I believe that byler is an endgame

but why would they spend 3 seasons winding up with mileven?

People REALLY need to pay attention to the shows the Duffers cited as huge inspirations to them. Cheers,dawsons creek, freak &geeks did exactly what the Duffers are doing (and the Duffers said these shows inspired them)

. Cheers for over 5 seasons built up the pairing of sam and Dianne- had them break up in the s5 finale and then in the last 2 eps of the 11th season have them get back together and once again break up explaining for the 100th time they were wrong for each other and brought out the worst in eachother . Cheers would build up multiple pairings (Frasier /Lilith (s4-11/broke up in s11) , sam/Dianne (s 1-11, broke up in s11 permanently) , rebecca /sam (s8-10) Rebecca/robin (s8-9) -these pairings lasted for multiple seasons and they all broke up! They built pairings up for multiple seasons but showed throughout the show why those pairing in cheers could never work out in the long term. The same Thing happened with almost every pairing in Dawson’s creek (they’d build up multiple pairings up -sometimes for multiple seasons- sprinkle in good but also dysfunctional aspects of those relationships- and then break them apart for good ).

Also in Dawson’s creek 2 characters (a rich girl and poor guy with daddy issues) date and breakup- but both of their gay brothers get together and are endgame instead of them (cough jancy vs byler). One of the gay guys (the rich one with the book smart sis) even dated the main girl (Joey) for a while before admitting he was gay and that he was in denial (while dating the main girl for more than a season ). In D.C even the main guy(Dawson) / girl (Joey) don’t end up being endgame (despite teasing it for all 5 seasons) . They did this with a lot of couples in the show. Honestly, the Duffers pretty much borrowed this idea of showing pairings with issues and breaking them up -but toned down how long they’d bait them . Like 11seasons of showing dysfunctional couples date -ick. And Dawson’s creek ... my god it had a literal love octogon/ love webs (so many love squares/pentagons/ and on and off relationships). The 1 adult couple broke up and I’m not exaggeration 4 times, and Dawson got back with 2 of his girlfriends like so many times. And ugh I’d say each (of the 4-5) main characters dated at least 4 people -and each of those relationships lasted for like 20+ eps each... and then after all that build up -break up ). That’s not even including the people the main 5 or so characters would date for like 5-6 eps . Thank god it was toned down compared to Dawson’s creek or cheers. i can’t imagine the frustration watching those shows during its airing 😂

Freaks & geeks (set in the 80s)was also inspo.14 y old Sam who is bullied and called “homo” “queer” etc throughout the whole series - he also obsesses over a cheerleader girl for the whole series and in the second to last ep of the series- they finally start dating  and he realizes they have nothing in common and says “it’s boring. all we ever do is makeout.She likes nothing i like. We can’t talk to eachother. We never have fun.” And he admits he only keeps dating her cause everyone would call him “crazy” to not date her. sam and her are also said to be “from different planets” and “different species”  just like mileven in s3 lol.  The gf of  sam also says before they dated she saw him ‘like a sister’ (like El asking mike if he’d be her brother in s1, before they date). And after this sibling comment various characters -encouraged the couple and said they would be good together (before they dated-like what we’ve seen in st with mileven and other ships ).Sam eventually decides to not cave to peer pressure- and breaks up with her. Meanwhile sam’s sis (is a straight A student, who is initially into a popular guy and starts hanging with the cool kids).  After getting over the first (popular) guy, she later dates another guy- a music-obsessed-stoner-guy  with a cruddy dad...and she breaks up with him (like jancy?). That couple was even called ‘romeo & juliet’ before they broke up-similar to mileven being called “romeo & juliet’ before their breakup. plus r&j were never in love... just like mileven.

All 3 shows had the main guy/girl date but not end up with eachother in the end . And both shows -would build up several pairings that looked like endgame but would show faults in those relationships and would have them breakup (because those pairings were never that healthy together). Which I believe is what they’re doing with jancy, jopper, mileven and lumax (explained in my analysis here all the evidence for why I don’t think they don’t end up together). I mean there’s many reasons I listed in the analysis but you think it’s a coincidence - jancy, lumax, mileven , and Steve/rando girl who rejected him in s3-all incorportated spying on their love interest ? you think the duffers think that’s good to have all these romantic pairings spy on eachother? When in the show they canonically have the us gov (villains) spy via phone taps, and hidden recorders, and cameras? Brenner used El as a spy for his own gain ? they even call the mf a ‘spy’ (which the characters perceive as the  main villain)... i don’t think the mf is  actually villainous but that’s off topic).The point is narratively equating spying as something ‘wrong’ by characters our main cast of heroes is against. But having that same cast of heroes partaking in spying themselves … specifically on to their romantic partners- and not also showing it as a negative. But romanticizing it? Would be quite hypocritical. And a HUGE narrative oversight.

Also build up?

S1- mileven kiss right after el asks if he’ll be her “friend” or “brother”. Has others compare el to mike’s sibling /cousin. Hint Will is gay . Have hints mike is queer too/ and cares deeply about Will. Constantly mention how el physically resembles Will/a boy. Parallel mileven to ted/Karen who were “never in love”. Have Nancy and mike verbally compare the jancy/stancy love triangle to mileven/byler . And at the end of the season mike writes a story for Will that likens the 2 to han/leia. Flo says about jancy/Jon “ only love makes you that crazy and that damn stupid”. (Which flo wasn’t entirely right about since jon punched Steve for insulting his family- for Jon it was familial love -not romantic love. But put a pin in that phrase)

S2- was pretty much byler season (and mileven barely interact that season). Byler say they’d go “crazy together”. But el’s new catchphrase is she’s “not stupid.” They Compare mileven to luke/leia (siblings that kissed) . Ref ghostbusters and parallel byler to the romantic pairing of Dana /venkman (but have el just be a ghost and mike a ghost buster which isn’t romantic but the opposite) .parallel mileven to hopper/el. Have el spy on mike, el hurt a stranger cause of unhealthy jealousy, have mileven dance to a song about a possessive spying/Stalking ex gf . Throw in mileven burns like “they’re not in love they’re not even from the same planet.” (El being et ref) . Have mike say annoyed “a bond ?! (Scoff) cause you shared nougat?! “ (egos like s1 ) “. Mike saying after knowing max for a week “hate you? I don’t even know you?” (He knew el for a week too so no way he loves her -cause he doesn’t know el , just like max ) . mike even criticizes his friends’ instant attraction to max saying “you haven’t even spoken a word to her.”Dustin saying “ I don’t have to . I mean -look at her.” Which makes it even more suspicious that mike was into a girl who multiple characters said looked like a boy (specifically Will) in s1. Have El watch a soap opera (all my children) and mimic the scene of  erica kane and her love interest michael. Which in the soap opera-isn’t endgame, and ended with some stalking after their breakup.

S3- mileven is finally dating : multiple characters (lucas, Will, Hopper, dustin,Max, etc) in the show dislike and verbally complain about them together . In cheers all of sam’s friends hated him dating Dianne and would vocally complain about it (similar to joyce they even clapped/cheered after 1 of their many breakups) . Mike is horrified by the spying(that mileven fans romanticized in s2) , el is happier single and neither is heartbroken over the breakup. They date for 2 eps and then breakup . Mileven being together inhibits El’s character arc from s2 (aka she went from wanting to explore the world and leave the cabin in s2 to see her friends, to ignoring her friends and cutting herself off from the world in order to stay in the cabin all day to make out with mike for 6 months - she would literally lie to her friends about curfew to return to the cabin and kiss mike -going against her ‘friends don’t lie’ mantra from the past 2 seasons too ). Mike canonically doesn’t trust her / doesn’t believe in her ability to make decisions and lies to her and never apologizes for lying. And el doesn’t apologize for spying . They throw in more gay hints of mike & Will. Mileven is called “bullshit” like s2 stancy . And Both pairings in the show kissed a bunch and said “I love you” (but they weren’t endgame). They also contrast s3 mileven scenes to s2 byler scenes and have byler win out. And once again parallel mileven to hopper/el and Karen/ted. As well as paralleling and likening Mileven to stancy in numerous other ways (besides the “bullshit “ line) . They also parallel mileven to stobin (both are straight baits) .They parallel the stobin confession to the mileven one -both confessions have them sitting on the floor, both girls have bandages on their legs, and both confessions are interrupted by dustin. Also both Steve/mike use the terms “crazy & stupid ” to confess to robin/el. But unlike Will who agrees to be “crazy “ with mike .El confused , asks “ what makes you crazy?” And robin says she didn’t have a crush on his “stupid hair”. el even says in reference to mike “there’s more to life than stupid boys.” Showing how el/robin don’t have romantic feelings for the boys-like the flo phrase of s1. Unlike Will who after fighting with mike calls himself “stupid” over and over and rips up the photo of him and mike where they promised to go “crazy together.” Even Steve says in s2 stancy should should “pretend to be stupid teenagers” in love. Emphasis on “pretend”. And when el says she loves mike “the first I love you” plays -the only other time that song plays in s3 is when robin rejects Steve (cause she’s gay.) cough cause mike is gay too.

There’s a lot more in each season (that illustrates mileven was built up -but not as a positive couple but a problematic one that was never was in love to begin with ). But I’m trying to keep this short . You can read this post here where I go in more depth about all of this .

S1-2 builds up the problematic ships (but showed good and bad aspects of their dynamic) . like the spying of jancy, lumax, and mileven or the jealousy. of Hopper in s2. In the s2 finalie they have them kiss or hug/exchange romantic glances. And in S3 we see the after math of this with all the couples officially dating - and they show all the couples issues at the forefront . I already talked about mileven. But, Lumax broke up 6 times (they dated for 6 months- and every month they dated max dumped him ). Jancy fight in the opening of ep 1 and don’t understand each others issues (sexism/poverty-and Jon’s issues with his dad) . And neither supports the other in their passions of journalism & photography.Nancy is also called “nancy drew” who in 1986 (year of s4) before going to college dumps her long term highschool bf (who helped her in many of her past mysteries/novels ). Their relationship was also shown as complex and somewhat dysfunctional because of both parties -before nancy drew dumps him. And (even if not dating like the other pairings) jopper almost go on a date in s3. Joyce was trying to hide the fact she was moving, Hopper was horribly jealous, and all they did was yell and argue.Murray says to joyce regarding hopper “he’s a brute... probably reminds you of a bad relationship” (aka lonnie/Joyce) . They even have Joyce watch a cheers ep- which directly compares jopper to (dianne/Frasier) who weren’t endgame in cheers but a rebound .  Hopper /fraiser both drink chianti . Fraiser asks dianne to marry him/Hopper asks Joyce on a date-both women stand them up. Or when Joyce asks Hopper out she calls her self ‘detective byers ‘and Hopper name drops miami vice. Which had an on and off again relationship for several seasons- of the male /female detectives.The relationship faded out as Gina realized they mainly got together when one or both needed someone. Crockett was very protective of Gina, and had some jealousy when Gina was involved in relationships , but was the first one to be there for her when things went wrong. And they realized it was better to not be together romantically. Heck seems like all these couples have negative film/tv parallels... lucas in s2 mentions not liking winston in ghost busters cause he came ‘super late’ (like Max). in s1 disses michael myers (which Max dressed as). And at the end of s3- lumax dress identically to eric/donna from a ep of that 70s shows (in the ep  eric/donna were broken up).

 (s3 was marketed as the “summer of love” and “summer love” is a euphemism for flings that don’t last.) s4-5 Will probably show good healthy ships/break up the problematic ones from past seasons .

So first 2 seasons focus on the unhealthy ships / and the last 2 seasons focus on healthy ships. S3 the middle season would be considered the turning point -and why none of the popular ships (assumed to be endgame) came off looking that great (compared to how they were presented in s1-2) .

[specdracers]

𝐃𝐀𝐘: november 26, 2020 ( thanksgiving ) - november 27, 2020 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄: evening - early morning 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: brooklyn, ny  𝐓𝐋 ; 𝐃𝐑: landon meets his mom for the first time and it goes really well! He almost cries but they’re good. she asks him to come back for christmas. ( and thankfully gets him a new phone because his is awful )

          landon takes a bus out of roseville to visit his mother for the first time up in new york.

          landon almost misses the bus out of roseville, too distracted by his peers and all the different stores in the small town. he can’t help but to wonder if he should bring some sort of gift to her house, considering it’s the first time they’re meeting and it’s a holiday. but he doesn’t. she’s under the impression that he’s a broke college student, which he is, just not the type that she thinks he is. so he steps onto the bus, showing the ticket to the driver a little breathlessly ( considering he just ran from the entrance ) before going towards the back of the bus. he’s been here before, on a bus to new york city, so it feels a little nostalgic for him even if it’s not for the same reason. 

         the bus is somewhat empty, and he guesses roseville doesn’t have too many people leaving it, so he’s able to prop himself up against the window with his legs stretched out. for a little bit, he opens up one of the textbooks he had brought to go over some of the content in his driving in harsh conditions course, but that doesn’t last long. the words aren’t making any sense to him, and the low hum of the bus on the interstate is too much for him, even with his headphones in. sighing, he closes the book and decides to just do things on his phone, and that’s until grey ends up texting him that he and his friend are in the room for a little bit before going out again. 

         for the majority of the rest of the trip, landon’s on the phone with him, and he tries to not dwell too much on the fact that he enjoys listening to grey’s accent far too much and it gives him butterflies. the older couple near him constantly give him looks when grey says something that makes him laugh a little too loudly, and landon’s always giving them a soundless sorry before going back to the conversation. but it’s not long until grey’s getting dragged out to do something else, and landon definitely can’t hide the sadness in his voice when it’s time for them to hang up ( but he still promises to send grey a text when he gets to his mom’s ). by the time they hang up, landon still has a little bit of a drive, so he brings out the textbook once again, trying his best to focus but it really just sits there on his lap while he spends time texting seb. 

         when he gets to new york, he texts addie ( saying his mom is still weird for him ). and she offers to have her driver meet him at the station, but he declines the offer. he’s spent too much time in new york, and he knows the way to get to her apartment easily. he finds that he misses the crowded streets, the street vendors yelling to advertise their food, and people bumping into him but continuing on their way. it’s refreshing, for him to be somewhere that he loved. not that he doesn’t like gallagher, but he’s just always felt better when he’s in the city. 

         it doesn’t take him long to reach addie’s apartment, and his first thought is that this can’t be right. it’s a nice apartment, one that his old friends in new york would have had him scope out to see. surely, this can’t be where his mother lives. the doorman clears his throat, getting landon’s attention. “can i help you with something?” 

         it shakes landon out of his daze, and landon nods his head. “yeah, i’m here to see my mom, sorry.” he offers the older gentleman a weak smile, and his voice comes out more nervous than he would have liked. it’s nerve wracking for him, considering this is his mom, and he never even thought it would get here. the doorman opens the door for him after his explanation, and as he walks in, landon adjusts his backpack as he walks through the lobby. it’s far too extravagant, unlike anywhere landon’s ever lived before. he remembers that the information noah gave him said that his mother had moved up in her company, but he wasn’t expecting this. 

         he presses the button to the floor that addie told him, and he takes a couple deep breaths as the elevator ascends. landon considers texting his friends, seb, maia, grey, anyone just so they can tell him to relax, but when he checks his phone, there’s no service in the elevator. he gulps as he watches the floor numbers continue to increase until he hears the beep indicating the elevator stopped. he stares at his blurry reflection in the elevator doors, and he considers what would happen if he just presses the first floor button. he says something came up at school and had to go back. his friend needed ... something, seb would probably cover for him. the possible escape plans are going through his head when the doors open, snapping him back to reality. his eyes close, and he decides to walk. one foot in front of the other, he tells himself mentally. you can do this. not to mention, he has no relationship with her. if things get bad, he really can just leave and go back to gallagher. he’s pretty sure he blacks out for a moment because when he looks up again, he sees the door with her apartment number shining in fancy silver numbers. 

         landon flexes his hand a couple of times, trying to gain the courage to knock on the door. with a deep sigh, he raises his hand and knocks on the door. 

         when the door opens, he’s met with an older man, and he assumes this must be his mother’s new husband. landon opens his mouth to say a greeting, or an apology if this has all been a joke and this isn’t the right apartment, when he hears from the back, “is that him, john?” he can hear the southern accent in her voice, and she sounds even nicer than she did on the phone. addie, his mother, comes around the corner, wiping her hands on a towel before slinging it over her shoulder. before landon, or this john, is able to say anything, addie walks up to him and instantly wraps her arms around him. 

         he stumbles backwards a little bit, the surprise of her hugging him causing him to lose his balance. “sorry, i probably should have asked before doing that,” addie says as she lets go, a nervous laugh coming from her. 

         landon shakes his head, and he can’t deny that even though it’s the first time he’s met her, it still felt nice to be able to hug his mother, and the words still don’t seem real. “no, no, it’s alright,” he tells her, a small smile on his own features. “i’m landon.” he knows she knows that already, both of them probably do, but he still feels like it’s something he should do. 

         john is the one that speaks next, hand outstretched for landon to shake. “and i’m jonathan, it’s nice to finally meet you.” 

         landon takes the other man’s hand and shakes it, nodding as a response. for someone usually so chatty and can strike up a conversation with anyone easily, landon’s speechless. 

          “here,” addie says, offering landon her own hand before she continues. “i’ll take your bag, and i’ll meet y’all at the table.” 

         landon nods, giving his mother a small smile again because it seems like he’s forgotten how to speak. he follows jonathan into the apartment, and he finds himself taking in all of the opulence of the apartment. jonathan sees this and comments as he’s having landon follow him into the dining room of the apartment, “your mom’s on her way up to become the cfo of the marketing firm here.” 

         the man’s voice catches landon by surprise once again, and his eyebrows raise because that’s pretty impressive; that’s his mom! “that sounds really cool,” landon says, and he hates how awkward he sounds talking to him. “what is it that you do?”

         the two make idle chit chat as addie puts landon’s bag away and once she reappears, she’s setting food down on the table. “i wasn’t sure about what you liked for thanksgiving, so i made just about everything,” addie tells him from across the table, setting down the last of the food for their meal. “you’re not vegan or anything, right?”

         the question makes landon laugh as jonathan begins to cut the turkey, and something about it seems like it’s a tradition for him to cut it. “no, not at all. everything looks great,” he tells her as jonathan begins to put pieces of turkey on his plate. and since he hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast at gallagher, his stomach’s already grumbling at the sight and the smell of all the food. 

         throughout their meal, the three of them catch up. she describes what her job entails, jonathan talks about growing up out in california, and landon has to make up some lie about what his major is, saying that it’s business. when his mom lights up with something resembling pride, he wishes that it was actually business or something similar so he doesn’t have to lie to his mother. 

         at the end of the dinner, jonathan begins taking everyone’s dishes and cleaning up, another tradition or routine that landon believes is normal for them. addie and landon both thank him, and as soon as her plate is cleared, addie leans forward on the table, and landon thinks he knows where this is going. 

         “there’s nothing you need to apologize for,” he tells her before she’s even able to say a word, and the surprise is written all over her features. he, of course, knows how old she and matthew were when she got pregnant with him, and while he used to be angry at his parents for abandoning him, now he’s definitely moved towards understanding why they had to do what was best for all three of them. “i turned out just fine, so don’t worry about it.” yeah, he definitely has a little bit of baggage because of some of his experiences, but he doesn’t blame either of them anymore. 

         he can tell that addie lets out a long breath, making it seem like she was finally able to let go of one that she’s been holding for years⎯⎯ twenty-three to be exact. even from across the table, he sees her brown eyes begin to water as she nods. “i just wanted what was best for you.” her voice is small and it tugs on landon’s heartstrings, and he gets up from where he’s sitting and going over to her, wrapping his arms around her this time. 

         “and i got it, and we both seem happy, and that’s all we could ask for, right?” he says into her hair, and dammit he’s feeling his own eyes start to burn with tears that he blinks away. 

         he feels addie nod her head once more, squeezing her son as a way to make sure that he’s real and he’s here in front of her. she lets go, wiping her tears from her cheeks before letting out a shaky laugh. “damn, i really didn’t want to cry today,” she clears her throat, dabbing at her eyes with a napkin from the table. she looks up at him, offering him a small smile. “but i’m proud of you. you seem like you’ve made good choices and have a plan, and that’s all a mother could ask for.”

         he gives her a small smile because he doesn’t recall the last time someone’s ever said they were proud of him, and it makes him almost start to cry but he’s able to blink them away. he’s about to respond when jonathan comes from around the corner ( and landon thinks he stayed away on purpose now ). he tells them that there is something that needs to be done at his office, and that he has to leave unfortunately, but he tells landon he’s more than welcome to come back to visit them anytime. after giving addie a kiss on the head goodbye and landon another handshake, jonathan’s out of the apartment. 

         once he’s gone, addie asks landon about school, his classes, friends, and if there’s a special girl or anything. the last one makes him smile, shaking his head. “um, not a girl,” he begins because it’s always scary to come out to people at first but especially the mother you just met. “his name’s grey and i don’t think anything will come from it, but...” landon trails off with a shrug, but he’s reaching for his phone to show her pictures of all his friends-- seb and him in manchester, alex and landon after finding out they were actually married in berlin, and then she asks for a picture of grey. and he realizes that he doesn’t actually have any pictures of grey ( give him a break, he didn’t even officially ask for his number until a few days ago! ) so he pulls up his tinder account shamelessly, and he kinda goes on a rant about grey and how much time they’ve been spending together and he realizes that this is probably a lot more than friendship so far. 

         following him talk about grey and his other friends, the two stay up for hours on end talking about everything but also nothing at the same time. he realizes that there wasn’t even an awkward stage between the two of them, and he wonders if addie has this effect on everyone or if it’s just him having desperately wanted someone like addie in his life. it’s when jonathan comes home at almost midnight when they figure they should all go to sleep considering addie and jonathan both have to go to work tomorrow. 

         addie walks him to his room, explaining that he’s more than welcome to use anything he wants. and it’s different for him, since he can’t remember the last time he’s had his own room. he never had one growing up, and even though he had an apartment to himself, it’s different when it’s in someone else’s home and they tell him it’s his. he mutters a thanks taking in all of the different aspects of the room ( and he’s sure it’s just their guest room, but still! ) “just let me know if you need anything, alright,” she tells him before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. the gesture shouldn’t bring tears to his eyes as he says good night and she closes the door, but it does! he’s realizing that his mother is probably one of the sweetest people he’s ever met, and he can’t help but to think how lucky he is to have been able to meet her. 

         early in the morning, landon wakes up to the smell of pancakes and bacon, and he stretches in the bed which is considerably larger than his dorm bed or any other bed he’s ever had. after brushing his teeth and getting ready for the day and to head back to gallagher, he walks out of his room to go into the dining room where addie’s bringing the food to the table again. “good morning, how’d you sleep?” and normally, he wouldn’t want to talk to someone so early in the day before waking up, but there’s something about addie’s energy that helps him wake up instantly. he tells her that he slept really good, better than anything a dorm could provide when jonathan walks in, dressed in a suit and tie before sitting across from him. as the three of them begin to eat breakfast, they all make small talk, and landon finds out more about jonathan’s and addie’s work, and he does find it interesting.

         jonathan checks his watch before looking up at addie who gives him a small nod. his brows furrow together at the exchange, and he’s about to ask a question about it when addie begins to smile and holds up a gift bag for landon. “here, christmas came a little early for you,” she says, offering landon to take it. 

         confused, landon takes it, opening it to find the most recent iphone inside. he shakes his head once he realizes this isn’t a prank and the box is actually empty, “thank you, but there’s no way i can take this. this was way too expensive.” but if their apartment has anything to show for it, the two of them aren’t hurting for any type of money. 

         jonathan and addie both shake their heads, and addie reaches out for landon’s free hand. “don’t worry, landon.” she tells him, her smile so bright and warm he wishes he could have known it sooner. “it’s our gift to you. i’m sure you’re doing great in school and you definitely deserve it... plus, i saw how awfully cracked your screen was. honey, it was time for a new one anyways.” the last comment makes all three of them laugh and even though landon still doesn’t want to take it, he knows better than to argue with his mother already. 

         “thank you. for this, and everything.” landon figures they aren’t wanting a thank you, but he feels so grateful that they were willing to open up their home to him with barely even more than one phone call. 

         the three of them carry on eating breakfast before it’s time for both jonathan and addie to get to the office. landon’s already packed his bag, so he helps them bring the dishes into the kitchen before heading towards the door. both of them say their goodbyes to him and hug him and before he leaves, addie says one more thing. “and in case you need somewhere to go for christmas, know that you’re always welcome here.” 

[btgalaxy]

Twisted

➳ a/n: cue generic party chapter ~ admin m

➳ pairing: yoongi x reader

➳ genre: mafia!au, angst, eventual smut, maybe fluff

➳ word count: 4.6k

Masterlist / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Chapter 4:

        Wake up. Train. Eat. Rest. Train. Eat. Train. Eat. Rest. Train. Sleep. Repeat.

It’s the everlasting cycle your life has contorted into. Every morning the old lady brings in your breakfast, thankfully with a book on the side for you to read throughout the day when you’re supposed to be ‘resting’, then you go and train with Jin all day, and that’s pretty much the extent of it- till you’re eating again.

He hates you. You can tell he does. Or, at least he’s immensely irritated by you. Although you really can’t tell why you seem to affect him so deeply and personally. You’ve only known the man for 5 minutes.

You can also feel Yoongi watching you, centre of the training area just next to the men eating, throwing crude comments your way you have to ignore. You sometimes glance up, only to see the same sight of Yoongi’s palm pressed against the glass looking down over you, an amused smirk loitering on his lips. Prick. He likes to see you suffer, you’re sure of it. Even when your legs are about to give in; when you can barely breathe you’re so winded, Jin’s still at you with ‘we’re not finished till I say we are’, and every moment you spend catching your breath he adds on to the end of your allotted time to eat into your rest times. Not that you much enjoy those times either.

You’ve not made a single friend, not one. Everybody just looks at you like you’re the enemy- you suppose you were at one point. The only people you have met are constantly busy, and the old lady leaving you books wont even look your way, so you’re kind of stuck here by yourself. It’s lonely.

Your thoughts, predictably, often stray to Jimin. Whom you’re still somewhat adamant to portray as a kind, loving man in your mind, even if everyone around you is telling you otherwise. It’s maddening, the way some people spit out insults about him right in front of you; there was an occasion where one man was being cheered on for brutally slandering his name in the eating area next to where you were training, and Jin had to let you go early, practically being able to see the steam bursting from your eardrums and the fire blazing in your eyes.

You don’t like your life here, you prefer your old one. Granted, this life isn’t half what you expected it to be, you’re still isolated and you aren’t doing anything you really want to do- nor are you getting any sunlight whatsoever so your skin has paled and you look almost deathly. You’ve allowed yourself to wonder if Jimin really wouldn’t come and find you here, save you and take you back into his arms and give up this whole lifestyle. You could get away from this whole career of vice and crime and instead flee to some rural coastal town and lead a simple life, but you can’t even talk to Jimin right now. You don’t even know if he’s aware you’ve left.

“There’s some sort of a party tonight, duckie,” Taehyung grins, escorting you back to your quarters, as you’re apparently still too untrustworthy to move about by yourself.

“I thought you didn’t have those. I thought they would be deemed ‘moments of weakness’,” you counter.

“Well,” he shrugs, “there’ll still be a whole troop of men on guard. And it’s a special occasion. We successfully distributed our biggest shipment ever from Japan to all our partners; no complications,” he smiles smugly, raising his eyebrows at you as if you’re supposed to react more impressed.

“Nice,” you respond curtly and expressionlessly, turning to look straight ahead instead of at his beaming eyes. He suddenly stops you in the hallway, whirling you around by the shoulders, watching you sternly.

“You’re allowed to come, you know,” he remarks, “to the celebration, this evening.”

You pause, “I am?”

“Course you are. You’ve been training hard.” He wipes a finger across your sweaty forehead, but then quickly shakes it off with a disgusted look on his face, “you’re part of the team now, duckie.”

“So you haven’t heard anything from Jimin?”

He looks hesitant to answer, but the hope emanated from your eyes encourages him otherwise, “not yet, duckie. We’ve sent word, but there’s been no response.” 

Your heart sinks through your chest as you realise he isn’t coming. He doesn’t care. He broke up with you a moments too soon and now you’re stuck here for the rest of your life.

“Right.” You turn your gaze to the floor, manoeuvring your foot carelessly across the stone flooring.

“Well, you can have a drink later, and you’ll remember how great a place this is to be living.” The two of you begin meandering down the corridor again, “it’ll be good. It’s a good opportunity for you to talk to people; show them you aren’t just the ex-girlfriend of the enemy.”

Someone, you assume Taehyung but it’s difficult to tell, has left a plain black dress on your bed. It’s nothing fancy, it won’t be your best look nor will it show you off as anything special, but nevertheless it feels good to digress from your now usual attire of sports leggings and a plain block-coloured top. It’s the only thing you wear- everyday without fail.

As the evening comes around- you’ve now been granted a clock in your room which is a huge help to your routine now you’ve actually an idea what time of day it is- you slip into the little black number, plain as a whiteboard but whatever, it feels good to wear something that doesn’t drown out your figure. You’ve no makeup, you imagine there probably isn’t much around in an institute full of men that sweat all day anyway, so you settle for simply leaving your hair down to somewhat ‘switch up’ your usual look, cascading down your back.

A knock at the door comes as a surprise to you, considering nine times out of ten anyone just walks in, uncaring of whether you’re fully clothed or not. You saunter over to the door, swinging it open to reveal Taehyung in some black jeans and a shirt- hardly different from his standard dress.

“Duckie,” he smiles, offering a hand, “I’m here to be your date.”

You raise your eyebrows and scoff, “I don’t recall you asking.”

“I invited you didn’t I?” He shrugs, “I escort you everywhere anyway.”

You step out into the hall, shutting the door closed behind you, “I’m aware.”

“Well, then. Let’s get you a drink.”

The training area’s lights have been dimmed and there’s music playing through the speakers Yoongi usually utilises only for announcements or to call someone to his office. The benches have been brought to the centre of the room and are ridden with platters of various dishes from all different cultures and countries. Your mouth salivates at the sight; all you’ve been living off is a sugar free, high protein diet which, to say the least, doesn’t consist of much.

Yourself and Taehyung move towards the benches where the men have already become drunk and rowdy, devouring torn off gobbets of chicken and turkey and pork and any other meat they could get their hands on. It resembles a primitive time of savagery which makes you nervous, so you’re thankful Taehyung immediately passes you a glass of some orangey-brown liquid which you glance at apprehensively.

“Bottoms up, duckie,” Taehyung brings his glass to clink with yours, “cheers.”

You nod back in response, before throwing the liquid back down your throat, nearly gagging as it’s been so long since you last drank any alcohol. You have to pause to take a breath as the glass leaves your lips, scrunching up your nose slightly before passing the cup back to Tae at your side.

“What is that?” You choke.

“Something strong,” he shrugs with a laugh, “most of the men are heavyweights, so we ordered in the strongest stuff we could get our hands on.”

Unlucky for you, you’re a renowned lightweight and even the sight of such a liquor makes you a little tipsy so within minutes you’re feeling its kick, when Taehyung passes you another. He grins at you, clinking your glasses again as you slosh them back, this one just a little easier than the one before.  The room begins to get a little hazy now, under the dimmed lights and roars of men you begin to become a little disoriented. Some fresh air would be ideal round about now.

After half an hour sat on a bench by yourself at the edge of the room you’re drunk and bored, picking at the plate of leftovers in your lap, looking rather pitiful. There are women here now, whether they actually live here too or have just visited for the night you’re unsure, but the air is becoming uncomfortably thick as their arses are groped as they walk from table to table and they’re constantly catcalled and denominated vulgar names. If you were in that position, particularly with this unnamed alcohol you’ve been sipping on now since you got in here, they’d have gotten a smack and names thrown right back at them.

You watch as a woman is swung onto a man’s lap, and she looks fleetingly uneasy, before concealing it with a forced smile. You’ve seen a similar scene play out at a club before, and it ignites an adrenaline to pump through you like air and you have to start glugging down the liquid in your glass to refrain from intervening.

“Woah, slow down.” You glance up to see a face you don’t entirely want to see right now.

You wipe your mouth with the back of the your hand, “what do you want?” Your voice is deepened as you attempt to keep the liquor down, burning all the way from the front of your mouth to the back of your throat.

“You’re going too hard too fast. It’s still early.” Yoongi takes a seat next to you, watching the woman on the man’s lap now also.

“Did you invite them here?” Your question is vague, but he still understands.

“They work in the kitchens, or cleaning or doing laundry.”

“Aren’t there men for that?”

“I’m not a misogynist, you know.” He turns, glowering at you slightly, “they wanted those jobs. They could’ve done training like you, or worked in the kitchen and they chose to be domestic.”

“I didn’t exactly get a choice,” you grumble, picking at another chicken skewer on your plate.

“Do you want to quit your training and become a cleaner instead?”

“No.” You manoeuvre your body away from him, sulking. The alcohol has clearly slithered its way into your brain now.

“Didn’t think so,” he chuckles, “I wanted to ask-“

“I need some fresh air. I want to go outside.”  Your topic change is sudden and interrupts his words, but you don’t really care at this point, you think you’ve earned the right to be selfish for a bit.

“You do know this is an underground base,” Yoongi taunts, “there isn’t exactly an outdoor smoking area.”

“There must be some way outdoors. I need to breathe,” you whine, dramatically.

Yoongi looks at you, bringing out his tongue to run over his lower lip in contemplation as you admire his features. He is handsome, truly. His pale skin and white blonde hair make him look innocent and angelic.  Ironically, he is practically the furthest thing from that. Under the dimmed lights, you can still see the purple bags grazing beneath his eyes, clearly mimicking the stress he’s under, although he’d never reveal to you what is happening in his life. You wonder, and think he doesn’t really have anyone. No family that you’re aware of, no actual friends other than the people that work for him, and no girlfriend or wife. There must be a lot of weight on his shoulders, and to bear it alone must be an almighty challenge.

“We can go up top for ten minutes, then back down. And only if you promise to slow down.” Something resembling a smile tries to force through your demeanour, and if you were less drunk you would probably suppress it, but you’re instead leaning in to press your face into his shoulder with an embarrassing squeak of excitement to finally breathe some fresh air.

“We’ll go in an hour or so, I’ll need to find someone sober enough to keep an eye on the men while we’re gone for a little bit.” He shuffles away from you awkwardly, but you don’t really care and instead busy yourself with your food, obtaining another drink ignoring his request to ‘slow down’. If you’re gonna make it through another hour here, you’re gonna need something to take your mind off of it.

The time passes about as fast as paint dries, and the boredom alongside it is of analogous quantity also. You’re now practically laying across the wooden plank forming the seat of the bench, your knees bent and head nearly dangling off the end as you look up to the top of the cavern, imagining your childhood when you’d go cave exploring with your parents. Just those guided tours, you know, but they were still a lot of fun, and you loved to admire the stalactites looming over what seemed like a never-ending abyss as you would peer down over the barriers into the darkness.  You miss your parents. Yoongi informed you a while back that he’d contacted them posing as you, that you’d gone away on a trip to China and wasn’t sure when you’d be back. Then, if you do end up staying here, they’ll tell them you got into an accident, and with that you’d lose your identity and any chance of returning to your former life. They must be so worried, so scared for you. They didn’t like the idea of you moving to Seoul to a safe apartment and failsafe job, let alone travelling around China where you know absolutely nobody with no guarantee of security.

When Yoongi returns, you can barely even classify yourself as functioning, mumbling incoherent sentences to yourself about your parents and the caves, before his face blocks your view of the ceiling and you’re instead made to look directly into his glaring eyes, piercing through your drunken glaze.

“I thought I told you to slow down,” he scolds, a frown prominent on his forehead creasing the smooth skin.

“I thought I told you to,” you suck in your breath, searching for some witty comeback that you can’t really find throughout the haze, “fuck off.”

“Didn’t picture you as the aggressive drunk.”

“Yeah, well,” you pause, shrugging, “shouldn’t picture me at all then.”

He gives you a confused look, half enjoying your current state, half dismissing your stupid, nonsensical argument, “let’s go then.”

You try to remember the route he takes you out, but you know by the morning any memory of tonight will cease to live. You’ve always been that way, deeming the notion a coping mechanism with all the stupid things you do while pissed; if you remembered all of them you don’t know how you’d go on living with your pitiful self.

After climbing up staircase after staircase and eventually a ladder, the breeze hits you. It’s cold, but god it’s nice. It wraps around you and makes you wonder how the hell you’ve been living down there without so much as a breath of the crisp outdoor air. It makes you appreciate it more.

The night is pitch black and there’s not so much as a lamplight to guide your way through the labyrinth of forest you’re now walking through, completely submissive to Yoongi’s lead, guiding you somewhere that could be his slaughterhouse for all you know. You’re too busy, however, admiring the way the moon glows a warm white and illuminates the endless grasslands blanketing concealing your new home at Manes, glazing your vision and blurring any fear lingering in your mind, although the alcohol pumping through your system also plays a part in that.

“Here.” Yoongi offers a hand to you, hoisting you up the small hill and settling himself on the ground, watching over the different enclosures of land. You mimic his actions, stumbling before placing yourself beside him to squint your eyes over the area, trying to get a better look despite the blackness of the night.

“Why do you live next to a farm?” You can see something resembling a cow in one of the enclosures, some sheep in another, a small set of stables to the left.

“We like to prepare our own food supply. It’s dangerous to be shopping publicly, and this way we can monitor how much we’re eating better,” he explains, bringing out a small pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

“You smoke?” You question, watching him snap his thumb over his lighter, igniting a small flame that he brings to the end of his cigarette, situated between his lips.

“Only on occasion. When I get the chance to.” He takes in a breath, exhaling a puff of smoke that you quickly turn to face away from.

You hate smoking. It was the main attribute to your uncle’s lung cancer which killed him a couple of years back. You can’t understand how people carry on damaging themselves full well knowing that it could kill them.

“You know you could die,” you state, matter-of-factly, frowning childishly.

Yoongi laughs at this, loudly, the first time you’ve ever heard him laugh like that, “you’re not so drunk as not to remember what I do for a profession, right? I could die at any second.”

He seems rather amused by his little joke, but you on the other hand feel slightly nauseous, “how the fuck did you even get into something like this? Surely your parents wouldn’t have wanted their son to be involved in such a clusterfuck.” Your words seem to aggravate him as he clenches his jaw and grinds his teeth, slowly taking in another puff of smoke.

“My father was helping me to become a businessman. Was gonna help me get a head start in the advertising industry- or, at least, that’s what I thought he was doing. He was actually preparing me for my inheritance when they died. And when they did, I had Taehyung at my door, handing me all these fuckin’ documents telling me I’m some kind of drug lord now,” he chuckles, humourlessly, “I can’t say I wanted to get involved in this lifestyle, but I wasn’t gonna be the one to terminate my family’s legacy. So what if it includes some shitty shop or a damn hairdressers, nobody wants to be the one to end it.”

A silence ensues, capturing the both of you and holding you in place, mulling over Yoongi’s words. For the first time since meeting him, you actually feel as though you’ve got an insight into his mind, his life. Your mind begins so sober up as you desperately try to cling onto his revelation, to try and understand him better when you aren’t entirely fucked on whatever you’ve been drinking.

“Didn’t you want to do something else with your life? Travel? Have a family?” You look at him curiously, watching the way he rolls his cigarette over his lips enticingly.

“I never had the chance to think about it. I was conditioned for this job. My parents wanted it that way so I did it for them,” he pushes his tongue into the side of his cheek, sighing, “I guess I could leave now. I could get away from this, move to another continent and start again.”

“Then why don’t you?” You press, rolling your now bare feet over the grass, skimming the ends on the underpart of your foot.

He sighs, “I don’t know. Familiarity, I guess. I don’t know much else.” He taps the end of his cigarette before taking one final puff, then throwing it into the distance as he lets out a final grey cloud into the atmosphere.

“But you were training to be a businessman?”

“I am a sort of businessman.”

“A businessman of debauchery.”

He laughs, genuinely laughs. He turns to look at you, a glint in his eye resembling something you can’t decipher underneath the dim light of the moon, grazing over his skin to irradiate only the upper parts of his face, but makes him look like some kind of supernatural beauty, as if he were not of this world.

“Besides,” he looks back out onto the plains, “if I had left, then I would’ve never met you.”

The way back is blurry as hell; the light of the moon is engulfed in clouds of smog that have been blown over from the city, now polluting the country sky with complete darkness. You grapple onto the back of Yoongi’s jacket, scrunching up your face as you attempt to see further ahead, although with no luck as you end up tripping over and over again, each time ending with Yoongi hoisting you back up from the ground and muttering profanities about how taking you outside was a mistake.

When you reach the faux basement door of the crooked house concealing the Enterprise, Yoongi swings it open and the music can be heard playing quietly far away through the stone walls forming the foundations of the underground tunnels. You both clamber in, very ungracefully, jumping down into the artificial light as the wooden planks slam shut behind you.

You look at Yoongi, observing his expression carefully, “I think I need to sleep.” You announce, gulping back a hiccup as his lips twitch disobediently.

“I think you need to too,” he nods.

You reciprocate the action, turning to face one way, then another, then realising you have no fucking clue where you are in this place.

“Right,” you exhale, “right, you need to invest in a map, or like signs.” You raise your eyebrows up at him, watching you amusedly.

“I need to turn down the music first,” he remarks, “head towards the sound of the music and I’ll find you in the training area.”

You pout, frowning, before nodding your head and slowly turning on the balls of your feet as he eyes you entertained, also going a separate way towards his office.

Left, no right. No, now it’s quieter. Left again. Right? Your thoughts are jumbled and inconsistent as each corridor looks exactly the same. It’s near impossible to navigate through each stone tunnel with the same lights, same flooring, same empty walls. You aren’t too sure how anyone manages to find their way through such a complex network of endless halls.

When you hear the stumbling of feet behind you, you’re thankful. But when you turn to be greeted by Jungkook’s face, holding his bandaged hand to his chest after clearly hitting it on the wall, you freeze. He spots you immediately, running his tongue over his lower lip before taking it between his teeth, stalking over to you with an unnerving smirk playing on his lips.

“Hey Y/N,” he purrs, coming close enough you can smell something like whiskey on his lips, intoxicating him to the core. You take a step back, silently.

“You know, I’ve been having a lot of trouble since you did this-,” he waves his cloth-covered hand to you, “-to me.” He makes another move towards you, and this time you’ve nowhere to retreat to as your back hits the wall and your head dizzies beneath his aching glare.

“See, this hand here is my-,” he pauses, looking for the right word, “my helping hand. My hand that helps me each night, to destress, to get a little… release.” He leans in, close enough that you can feel his breath wafting over your skin like nails grating across your flesh.

“And now I feel very stressed, as you can imagine. Without my helping hand to give me a little assistance.” You feel his free hand traipsing down your waist where your arm is lax and your hand completely numb to his touch. He wraps his digits around yours, slowly pulling them to his crotch area as your breath hitches in your throat, your stomach dropping.

“So I think it’s only fair,” he chokes in a breath as your hand skims over the fabric of his jeans, “that you help alleviate my pain, after all, you’re the one causing it.” His pitch raises at the end of his sentence as he presses your palm flat against his groin. You squeeze your eyes shut, holding back a sob of fear as he massages your hand against his member, revelling in the pleasure your non-consensual touch provides him amongst his intoxication. You can feel his erection pulsating even through the material, clearly eager to be released from its cage, now tenting in his jeans slightly.

“Yes,” he whispers, “fuck, let’s go. Let’s go back to your room. Fuck, now.” His murmuring is vulgar and sickens you as a quiet tear falls from your closed eyelid, reluctantly shuffling your feet behind him as you try to pull your hand from his grip.

Just as you turn the next corner, however, the sound of footsteps crashing against the ground stops Jungkook, looking back only to be greeted by a solid punch across his face, knocking him to the ground instantaneously and knocking you back into the wall. Your head hits the stone, and you’re immediately turned spilling the contents of your stomach as you hold yourself up, gripping onto the wall as your fingers curl in pain.

You can hear a commotion behind you, but you’re too distracted with the emptying of your stomach, your head dizzy as you attempt to lift yourself up. You can feel your knees trying to give in, to fall to the floor, but you fight the urge and instead try to push back, when you feel a hand steadying you at the waist.

“Duckie?” Taehyung’s voice is loud, too loud. You lean forwards again, throwing up on your feet now, your body completely giving up as it becomes loose and falls against the body behind you.

“Fucking prick she’s being sick- don’t yell at her she might have a concussion. Fuck.” Yoongi sounds hostile and intimidating, snarling at Taehyung who’s now trying to pull you back when you’re snatched from his arms and picked up off the ground by another set.

“I’ll take her to her room- you clear this mess up.” The body carrying you turns, “and you- I’ll deal with you later.”

You are unable to even open your eyes for a minute, your head throbbing as you’re rocked with each step and lurching at every corner. You don’t know how long you’ve walked when you reach your room, but you’re thankful for the dimmer lights and the bed you’re gently placed on, the mattress soft and comforting as you lull your head back onto the pillow.

“You need to keep your head up.” You manage to flicker an eye open, seeing Yoongi with an incomprehensible expression manoeuvring the cushion under your head so you’re sat up more, looking back at him perched on the edge of the mattress with his arms fiddling over your shoulders, his chest close to your face.

You groan, try to speak, but nothing happens.

“Don’t speak, it’s okay,” he soothes, uncharacteristically.

Then, you begin to cry, quietly and relentlessly.

Masterlist / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter 

[fowldesert13]

Find Out Java With Online Java Courses.

Is Devops Difficult? Disclaimer

#toc background: #f9f9f9;border: 1px solid #aaa;display: table;margin-bottom: 1em;padding: 1em;width: 350px; .toctitle font-weight: 700;text-align: center;

Content

ÄHnliche JobsuchezurüCkweiter.

Easy Ways To Be An Effective Software Application Tester.

A Want To The Future Of Software Testing.

Interface Developer.

Top 10 Software Application Testing Courses.

ÄHnliche JobsuchezurüCkweiter.

Which type of software testing is in demand?

Yes, of course, you can learn Selenium without knowing Java. Selenium IDE is a GUI based tool but it works only in Mozilla Firefox. However, if you want to create test cases using Selenium WebDriver, you should know one programming language out of - Java, C#, Python, Perl, Ruby, PHP.

A subreddit for those with inquiries regarding working in the technology sector or in a computer-science-related work. I really feel that in Workflow and also QA you can easily 'burn-out' because of the lengthy hours and also repetitive job. For me advancement often tends to be one of the most 'enjoyable' as well as therefore lowers the stress degrees. I do not know how difficult QA work is as I've never ever done it.

Easy Ways To Be An Efficient Software Tester.

Is DevOps easy to learn?

Java language and programming for Selenium Java is a vast language. However, You don't need to learn full features of Java as that's not required for selenium automation testing. You only need to learn a selected portion of Java language. That's a good news.

Experience reveals that the optimum length of a test case is in between 3-8 steps. After that you will certainly do everyone on your team a huge favor, if you write clean as well as in-depth bug records. It's good practice to maintain all of your important interaction in one location. You will certainly need to review info traded between you and participants of your group. You will do your future self a support by making it available.

How long does it take to learn software testing?

Many employers look for software tester candidates with a bachelor's degree in computer science, math or engineering, although it's not always required. If you've got a lot of experience, a stable work history and solid references or letters of recommendation, it's possible to land a job without a college degree.

and also brand-new ones are still being produced, one should keep in mind that roughly 90% of the principles one learns in a certain language are likewise appropriate to entirely different languages. When one is familiar with the core basics, establishing similar abilities with another language simply comes down to recognizing the syntactical subtleties. creating or coding automation manuscript, I am expanding much more tired. # 13) Learn more books, articles, go to testing meetup and meetings.

Constantly think about what you can do today to move more detailed to that goal as well as act accordingly. Testers are really passionate at the start of their professions. But when the learning curve is filled they begin really feeling bored. They rapidly get tired of writing the same Insect records and implementing the very same test instances time and again.

A Want To https://telegra.ph/Software-Application-Testing-Courses---What-You-Can-Anticipate-As-a-Software-Training-Tester-08-09 Of Software Testing.

When you create an arranged structure to store every one of your important information you have the ability to gather the appropriate information and also develop your testing technique for that task. If you do not have an approach to store this details, then you will miss vital details.

So, rapid comments, sustained by wise examination automation systems, is mosting likely to be essential.

Extra software application is being developed, with a reduced obstacle to access, and faster time to market.

At the same time, testing will certainly continue to come to be native across various other components of the software lifecycle process, with fast-evolving devices bringing tests within the reach of many more team members.

While they are typically still the unrecognized heroes, the job that QA professionals do is significantly recognized for its payments to DevOps.

You and the designer demand to be pleased and also pleased that what has simply been launched is bug free (" ish"), not just you. Inevitably, as others have said, it's a various type of tension. As QA, I was constantly stressed out that I missed bugs I should have captured. As a programmer, my anxiety originates from seeming like I should know just how to do something already and also I do not. That stated, it is totally feasible that my stress and anxiety levels in a dev function are not as high due to the fact that I. still do not make a lot of big decisions.

How can I be good tester?

Robotic Process Automation (RPA): Advances in software and AI world have paved the way for Robotic Process Automation (RPA). It is the most recent technology which has the capability to re-invent the business process management landscape. To know more about RPA's role in the software testing industry.

It is very important in this regard to seek some guidance and real-world aid from gamers who have some experience in the field, as well as whose understandings can help you when making that crucial pre-development decision. to manuscript code, with time, distinctions will certainly become apparent between the languages. Therefore, actions that function well in a specific language may be counter and repetitive instinctive in a various one.

Interface Designer.

Advancement can be pretty difficult throughout crunch time when you're compelled to make design concessions as well as offered no time at all to clean up your work. However it can be a lot of fun, also, which is really regularly the situation for me. It's a GREAT DEAL simpler to manage the job tension when you recognize the task and your coworkers. A lot easier to cut, yes, just as very easy to outsource as growth is though. QA is only stressful in that you have much less task security than a dev.

I will certainly work together with other devs on my group if I'm unsure about a details way of doing something, or the benefits and drawbacks of two things that, to me, appear just as good/bad. I cant represent QA since my experience remains in dev yet from my communications with them, it absolutely does not resemble a cinch. Everybody in the process feels the heat as soon as you start closing in on target dates. I've done both, and also I've been stressed by numerous facets of each of them.

Make Certain Suitable Work Environment For Qa Group.

When your objectives as a tester align with the objectives of the app, you will certainly be able to deliver significant outcomes. A tester's way of thinking can imply the difference in between discovering one of the most vital pest in the application and searching for nothing. You simply require to choose which answer makes the many feeling when you recognize what the question is. You are given an application, and you have to choose what ought to be checked, what the outcome must be, as well as use a testing technique. When you include even more steps to an examination instance, you raise the chance of someone on your group falling short to implement a task.

Review what they are doing, what they have established, what circumstances they have taken into consideration, is there anything you can add to help them understand the product better. # 7) Team Up with the QA groups from other jobs also.

Uniformity offered by the WebDriver API throughout languages, simplifies the process of porting test knowledge of one language to an additional. Examination designers come to be better possessions to their companies as they can be relocated to any type of internet project, written in any programs language, as well as still be able to develop tests for it instantly.

[jewell-chan]

Why I ship Kaitouma/Oumota

I decided to copy/paste a few of my more popular and personal amino blogs here. Starting with this one, please keep in mind I wrote this before NISA’s translation so it may have some lines in the Japanese that were removed in NISA’s version such as instead of Kaito calling Ouma pure, he calls him naive. Spoilers under the cut:

Source: https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=61976368

Hiyo once again, it’s no surprise that I absolutely adore the ship Kaitouma/Oumota. I constantly praise it on my blogs, state that I love Kaito and Ouma as characters individually and I often refer to it as the best and cutest ship.

I noticed that confuses a lot of people, particularly people who haven’t seen proper translations or mostly Momoharu and Oumasai shippers. Or just those people that hate Kaito or Ouma as characters to the point of refusing to ship them with anybody. And that’s perfectly fine, although people should keep in mind that there are good ships out there, even for characters I dislike.

The ship in general is incredibly misunderstood or dumbed down because the two characters strongly hate each other, even to the end and if you didn’t already know, it’s a killer/victim ship which I’ll get to. I saw twitter and instagram in particular don’t like it, even a recent confession claiming it was a toxic ship in the comments.

So with my constant ship posts recently and that recent confession getting a lot of flak, I guess it’s time to explore exactly why I love this ship so much. A little note: This is NOT a post to convince you to like the ship. There are dislikable aspects to this pairing such as just disliking rivalry pairings as a whole and Ouma needing someone who can figure him out step by step which Kaito refuses to do. It’s a post on why I personally ship it and not a persuasive post. You are perfectly fine with having your own opinion.

If you couldn’t already tell, a major spoiler warning for the game, all the way up to Chapter 5 which is each Danganronpa game’s climax. Also, some adult themes and coarse language may come up so be wary of that too if you’re sensitive. Now it’s time to get into C O M P L E X territory and get started. This is why i ship Kaitouma/Oumota… And yes, I don’t know where to begin.

Overall dynamic

Kaito and Ouma are rivals, dare I say the main rivalry in the whole game. A misinterpretation is that Ouma and Saihara are rivals which is clearly not a case and an attempt to compare Oumasai with Komahina again. Ouma doesn’t even antagonize Saihara outside out of the scrum debates and even obeys him judging from how Saihara scolding Ouma at the end of Chapter 4 got him to calm down.

Oumasai rant aside since I’ve done not one, two, but three posts on that, Kaito and Ouma heavily dislike each other to say the least. Ouma’s always screwing around with Kaito specifically to rile him up and very well succeeds in doing so. It’s kind of like an annoying little shit of a brother and a short tempered older brother. I guess you could consider Saihara the one normal middle child and Maki the stuck up sister that spends time in her room 24/7.

I personally love the dynamic between Kaito and Ouma. Even with Ouma screwing around with Kaito, what he says isn’t necessarily false. Kaito’s ideals really are simple-minded and telling the truth is harsh which Kaito needs to accept but he refuses to do so. Due to this, they’re constantly bickering throughout the trials and possibly even have the most interactions in the game. Even in the demo, Weeby News picked up on their interactions.

Interactions

I briefed over their dynamic since there’s a lot more to explore with said dynamic. One of those things are the specific interactions between the two during the killing game. And while I won’t go all over all of them, we’d be here all day, there are a few example ones I could mention which summarises how they interact throughout the whole game.

Back in Chapter 1, Kaito goes on his usual rant on how he’ll reach space and live there but Ouma jokingly says “Isn’t that how you’ll die?” which references Kaito dying in space in Chapter 5. Ouma obviously didn’t know Kaito was actually going to die in space but it’s a funny bit of foreshadowing. More Chapter 5 foreshadowing in Chapter 1 is Ouma’s reflection after Kaede’s execution has Monokuma compliment Ouma and predict he’ll last long in the killing game. Kaito then reflects himself and Monokuma treats him like an idiot, predicting Kaito will die quickly. This is incredibly ironic when Kaito ends up killing Ouma.

They have quite a few key interactions in Chapter 4 as well. Not once, but twice does Ouma twist Kaito’s speeches into making him say a sentence that resembles saying he likes Ouma in some way which gets Kaito worked up easily. When Saihara runs into Ouma, he says that Kaito ran into him and started lecturing him.

One of my favorite moments was during the trial, the two are constantly going back in forth like animals which results in a funny cross back argument where Kaito calls Maki Harumaki and Ouma responds in calling Saihara shumai, a joke on how Harumaki is a type of food in Japan in which Kaito responds in “Who the fuck is Shumai?”

During Chapter 3, when the revival book was handed out, Kaito was afraid of the idea of ghosts being around them, in which Ouma took advantage of and occasionally but quickly teased him over which got big reactions out of him. He plays with his dislike of the occult several times throughout the game and in other chapters too.

Their interactions go throughout the entire game like this, and when their rivalry is taken to a more serious level, there’s a lot more depth behind it than one may think.

How similar they really are

Despite their constant bickering and different methods of going about it, the two of them really are quite similar in both their ideals and their morals. The same could be said for Maki.

Kaito and Ouma both have a strong bias against killing, and think of the best way to avoid it. The difference is that Ouma prioritises his own life above most things which results in him being a coward and Kaito is self sacrificial and selfless.

In Chapter 2, Kaito suggests to Saihara that they should have shared the motive videos and he was thinking about doing so for awhile, in which Saihara points out that’s exactly what Ouma wanted to do but failed. Kaito is surprised but then says the two of them can’t talk to Ouma about it because he’ll likely brush it off with his supreme ruler talk again.

In the same chapter, when Kirumi claims Ryoma let her kill him, both Kaito and Ouma can see through her lie and while admit she’s noble, she’s still heavily at fault for her actions. They also called her out on trying to emotionally manipulate the cast into letting everyone die for her, which they also called out.

Their views on Kaede’s actions are also very similar, with the main difference is how much Kaito looked up to Kaede and saw her as a leader and Ouma, who thought Kaede was too naive and saw through her ideals to be a leader. At the end of Chapter 1, Ouma did admit he sympathized with Kaede but also said she was in the wrong for participating in the killing game in the first place, her ultimate cause of death. When Saihara is thinking about how he could have saved Kaede, Kaito reassures that’s not true and it was Kaede’s choice to participate in the killing game.

This shows an example that their ideas and ideologies are rather similar and their endgame goals are almost identical. However, they both do and don’t realize it which results in their actual approaches being different which also results in more bickering. In a way, they loath and respect each other.

Why Kaito dislikes Ouma

At first, Kaito hates Ouma for fairly obvious reasons. He’s a little shit who screams about enjoying the group’s suffering. For the first few chapters, he can tell he’s not serious or just doesn’t know any better but it’s obnoxious nonetheless. Especially for someone as short tempered as Kaito.

However, as the game goes on, it becomes the same reason Maki hates Ouma: Relatability. Kaito doesn’t act like Maki in which she uses her and Ouma’s similarities to project her self loathing onto him but he does show in Chapter 4 he has a huge bias against Ouma to the point of risking his and Saihara’s friendship over Saihara listening to Ouma.

By the time Kaito punched Ouma(since Ouma was claiming to enjoy the group’s suffering to an almost psychotic level) the two were constantly antagonising each other, and Kaito seemed to demonize almost everything Ouma did. He wants to go find the remembering light? Clearly, that’s awful(technically, it was but he didn’t know the story behind that.) Ouma says Gonta is the killer and all evidence adds up? Clearly, he’s lying.

Well, that last part was Kaito’s bias against Ouma and his jealousy of Saihara, but you understand the point. It’s like if Kaito doesn’t want to relate to someone like Ouma, or if he demonizes him to avoid relatability. And who can blame him?

Why Ouma dislikes Kaito

Ouma has an interesting reason to dislike Kaito like he does. He constantly criticizes how simple minded his way of thinking is and practically throws a temper tantrum against him in Chapter 4. Granted, Kaito was antagonising him but so was Tsumugi, whom Ouma paid no attention to.

However, the reason of this isn’t pure hatred but pure envy. Kaito, even with his stupidity compared to Ouma’s intelligence, is the person that Ouma strives to be. That is exactly why they’re so similar. Ouma wants to be selfless, Ouma wants to be a group leader, Ouma wants to socialize and connect with others.

However, Ouma is merely a coward. His trust issues causing him to shut away prevents him from being the figure he wants to be, and like Saihara tells him, it results in him being forever alone. As a result, Ouma watches Kaito accomplishing everything he wants, but fails too, and how confident he is about it despite how he’s not even the sharpest tool in the shed. It creates envy, which also makes them even more similar in a way.

Kaito feels jealousy for Saihara while Ouma feels jealousy for Kaito. It’s in different ways, but the two do feel envy and jealousy towards people that they want to be. Couple that with all of their other similarities and it’s what sets up this rivalry so well.

Ouma exposing Kaito in Chapter 4

At the end of Chapter 4, Kaito is understandably pissed at Ouma, but he temporarily ignores his behaviour in the trial. Ouma exposes Kaito harshly, but effectively. He punches him in the gut and teases him about it with a sadistic grin on his face until Saihara finally confronts Ouma who leaves.

When Maki and Kiibo come to help Kaito, it turns out the punch made him cough up blood, exposing the disease he’s been hiding the entire time from everyone. His lie he hid was fully exposed to the people who Kaito trusted the most, and he was left unable to explain things properly and similar to Ouma, ran off by himself. Maki following after him.

This moment is what caused Kaito to regret his behaviour in Chapter 4, with his attitude in Chapter 5 and giving Saihara the silent treatment being part of his reflection. When Ouma returns after a few days, Kaito chose to convince the group to trust his idea to try the death road again despite everything between the two.

When Kaito tries to fight Ouma despite how he practically had control of the whole area at the time, Ouma comments on how Kaito never seems to learn his lesson before knocking him unconscious with the exisal. When Saihara approaches Kaito in his “cell” he apologises to Saihara on his treatment of him, and admits it was all out of jealousy towards Saihara.

Kaito and Ouma’s plan in Chapter 5

There’s no way I can talk about this ship without referring to this. This was the exact time that Kaito and Ouma reconciled and set aside their rivalry to reach the ultimate goal that both of them wanted, and even fail with their initial plan, only succeeding afterwards through coincidence and the suicide notes.

Kaito obviously wants out of the chamber, so he asks Yumeno to retrieve a crossbow for him to try and restrain Ouma, in which she does. Ouma does come in the “cell” again, presumably to feed him, and Kaito confronts him with the crossbow. Judging from the CI and Kaito’s traits in general, it seems he used the crossbow to try and scare Ouma and make him back down, but when that failed, he decided to shoot Ouma in a non-vital area as a warning shot, his arm.

Ouma still resists and makes a break for the exisal remote which causes Kaito to go after him, and the two get into a tackle fight. Their fight is interrupted by Maki, who shoots Ouma and injects him with the torture serum(it’s referred to as torture serum more times than it is poison, so I’ll be calling it that) when he tries to run for the exisal remote once more.

After failed interrogation, Maki tries to kill Ouma in which Kaito jumps in the way and gets shot and injected to save the two of them. Maki freaks out and tries to get the antidote, and Kaito and Ouma are left alone for a bit while injected. Ouma used Kaito’s shoulder to get to his feet and close the exisal hanger, so Maki can’t get inside.

The usual happens where Ouma pretends to drink the antidote so Maki can fuck off, and then actually feeds it to Kaito. Something to note is that Ouma could have let Kaito and Maki die for his plan, but refused to. Despite how Maki and Kaito treated him, he still viewed them as friends, even if it was one-sided. He says such after Maki chokes him, heavily implied that he’s not lying.

As a result, he chose to let himself die instead of the two of them, even though Kaito was dying anyway and both Maki and Ouma don’t have the best relationship. Although, he does imply in this and the flashbacks that he’s willing to forgive Maki for everything since he’s grown to understand both her and how similar the two of them are.

When Kaito asks why someone like Ouma would save him like that, Ouma doesn’t seem to give a proper answer since Kaito doesn’t explain why other than his plan. Now onto the plan: With Maki screwing up his plan, he went for his backup plan. To create an unsolvable murder and have Monokuma break a rule, making the killing game a lie and the audience watching abandon the killing game.

Of course, Ouma doesn’t know what type of audience he’s up against, nor the truth about Amami and Kaede, but it’s a solid plan nonetheless. So solid that Kaito seems to really like it, which I’ll get to. When Kaito refuses to commit murder, Ouma reminds him that Maki had shot him and the serum was killing him as they speak, in which you get another “Ha ha ha I’m so evil” moment from Ouma before his laugh is interrupted by heavy coughing and asking Kaito to get this over with. Kek.

Of course, there’s Ouma’s infamous breakdown. When Kaito asks Ouma why he’d want to end a killing game when he enjoys it, Ouma starts stuttering and claims he was lying with his despair sprite. He then breaks into more tears and stuttering(presumably from both tears and the serum)about how he hates the killing game and all the suffering it brings. Kaito is understandably surprised by this reaction.

When Kaito is exposed in the trial, he doesn’t give any further flashbacks of that between then and Ouma’s death meaning you can headcanon anything you want happened between them during then… I headcanon Kaito pet his head or hugged him out of pity.

In the trial, Kaito starts to go on for a while for how much he liked Ouma’s plan and commented on how interesting it is. Kiibo even comments on this, saying it’s like if he and Ouma were close in a way in which Kaito responds to Kiibo saying he hates Ouma.

Despite everything, Kaito still told the group about Ouma’s breakdown, and then suggested he was lying to get sympathy from him. However, Kiibo said it would be more shocking if he was lying since he was on his deathbed, in which Yumeno denied and Saihara was unsure. Then they moved on.

Even if Kaito couldn’t figure out Ouma entirely, if he really was a paranoid kid with trust issues or just someone to who wanted to beat the mastermind at his own game not caring for anything else, he was leaning towards the former, which is why he told the group in the first place about Ouma’s breakdown. The two may have not come to like each other, but they did come to understand and respect each other enough to reconcile and meet the one goal the two of them both wanted from the moment the killing game begun.

Subtlety

Despite Kaito hating Ouma so much, there’s a lot of subtlety that shows he does care for him to some extent and that Ouma also cares about Kaito in ways, linking to the killing bias they both show.

In the bonus event between them, Ouma says that he feels Kaito and he will meet again in which Kaito says he dreads it, and when Ouma implies Kaito may care about him, Kaito is quick to deny it.

In the main game, Kaito saves Ouma from being killed by Maki several times. From choking him both times, to shooting him. He doesn’t want anyone to be killed. He also says in Chapter 3 that just because Ouma’s a little shit doesn’t mean he deserves to die, connecting to Chapter 4’s trial where Kaito says he refuses to let someone like Ouma make it out of the killing game alive.

Even in Chapter 5, despite Kaito being so sure Ouma was the mastermind, he refused to actually let him get killed. He didn’t do the deed himself until the obvious happened, and he still saved Maki and Ouma despite the belief of the students that the killing game ends once the mastermind dies. Ouma’s words to Maki could have made Kaito figure things out, but he seems pretty surprised in the flashback when Ouma says he wasn’t the mastermind.

And with that previous mention of Ouma saying Kaito was lecturing him in the halls before his FTEs also show that Kaito did want to try and convince Ouma to change his ways, showing that he does see humanity in Ouma and doesn’t 100% fall for his act.

A huge example of Kaito and Ouma having a subtle care for one another is Chapter 3. Kaito ends up calling Ouma pure, much to Ouma’s shock which puts him in a monotone state. If you look closely at said screenshot, the face Ouma has is a subtle smile. He then says that’s the first time someone has said that to a liar like him.

In Chapter 4, when Kaito punches Ouma, his fail turns down completely, showing Ouma in full despair. This is what links back to that scene in Chapter 3, someone who called him something like that punched him out of anger of his behaviour. While Kaito was 100% justified for punching him, Ouma did feel the impact of his behaviour due to this. Something he needed at this point.

Also, Kaito is a massive tsundere in some aspects. He starts going on about how great Ouma’s plan was in Chapter 5 and when Kiibo points out how much he liked it, Kaito reassures he hates Ouma before talking about the plan some more. When he tells the group about Ouma’s breakdown, he’s says it’s probably a lie to get sympathy, but if that were the case, why tell them in the first place?

The fanartists and fandom

A bit of a stretch, but the fandom for this pairing is amazing. It’s no secret that I’m an analyzer, and I don’t care for how much fanservice the game gives me(by fanservice, I don’t mean perverted fanservice, but genuinely things that pander towards the fanbase like cinnamon roll stuff and a female protagonist)like a lot of other people do.

A good majority of people who ship Oumota/Kaitouma also happen to be this case, and like to analyse the relationship between the two. This way, there’s no bias between them and they can regularly discuss things about the relationship the two share without getting personal. This results in massive praise of how Kodaka wrote the two of them.

The fandom is also small, so unlike Oumasai, Tenmiko or Saihamatsu, it doesn’t seem to bug any other sides of the fandom with their popularity and overemphasis from the fandom. I could say the same for Momoharu and Oumaki shippers, but not as much to an extent. I’ve seen a lot of bias for the former and the latter isn’t well liked.

Not only that, but the Japanese fanartists for this pairing are some of the best. Most Chapter 5 fanart is great anyway, but the Kaitouma artists really capture the pairing well, or just look great in general with distinct art styles. Personal favorites of mine are @_urcs and @zitsuhaudon on twitter.

Enemies to Friends to Lovers type of pairing

This is the exact definition of this pairing. This also relates into the fandom a little, since while the fanfictions on AO3 for this pairing are limited, they’re really well done and fit this theme perfectly.

I’ve always liked Enemies to Friends to Loves type of pairings, and I’m glad this ship managed to make quite a number of them on AO3. My favorite one in particular is the recent one of Kaito and Ouma in the afterlife, the name slipped my mind but it should be easy to find through the tag.

Overall

The best and cutest ship, and my favorite relationship in the entire series. Kaito and Ouma’s rivalry is one of the most complex and well written parts of entirety of NDRV3, and I will forever stand by that for the above reasons. It’s severely underrated by the English fandom and I will forever love their dynamic.

This could have been longer, but recently, both Comun and Shiro.Tru(who is a recent member, but I highly recommend her V3 blogs since they are amazingly written so far)did amazing overviews of Kaito and Ouma’s rivalry which I’ll link here. Both I highly recommend giving a read to:

http://kaibutsushidousha.tumblr.com/post/164506869694/what-compels-you-about-ouma-and-momotas

http://aminoapps.com/page/danganronpa/4630123/my-favorite-relationship-in-danganronpa-v3-spoilers

They’re both similar and different in many ways, have amusing interactions, a lot of depth between both their relationship and as individual characters and their relationship develops throughout the whole game until they decide to reconcile to meet their one true goal. It’s a perfectly written dynamic and I will forever give Kodaka praise for it.

Once again, this is not to force you to like this ship. Hell, this might just get you to appreciate the relationship itself but dislike the pairing. This is just my two cents on why I love this ship so much, and I don’t like how snubbed this ship gets in the west because of it being a killer/victim pairing or the two hating each other. Thankfully, I think this ship has gotten some appreciation on amino recently which makes me happy.

What else can I say? I love this relationship, I love Ouma, I love Kaito and I love blogging. I hope you enjoyed, and if you like this ship, I hope I managed to briefly do it justice for you.

[bitten1ce]

Anti’s origins?

For @the-asexual-reaper and @kellyplier, the full version of Anti’s possible gremlin origins. Fair warning, it’s a pretty long read. I don’t think there are any triggers here, just some mild mention of war & plane crashes, and one of Slenderman.

His first memory was filled with anger; anger at the people who had destroyed his people's home, who'd brought in loud technology to replace the lovely, quiet woods they existed in. He was brought into being with a blade in his hand and a singular purpose: wreak havoc on the machinery that had ruined their peaceful lives. HIS life had never been peaceful, no, but one should never meddle in the affairs of the fey. Razing an entire forest to build a factory was just asking for trouble. And it was trouble that the Royal Air Force had gotten.

When the Royal Air Force cleared the land for their new biplane factory in Ireland, the fey had responded in a way they hadn't responded to any threat in centuries: they brought a new kind of being into the world. As with many fey, the new beings weren't given a name by their creators, but by their victims. "Gremlins," from the Old English word gremian, "to vex." A vast understatement, considering their purpose was to cut the cables holding a biplane's wings together, often causing fatal crashes. The pilots who saw them and survived never had the same description. Sometimes the gremlin was a little furry creature who chewed through the machinery, sometimes it was a tiny human-like creature with a large head & pointed ears using scissors. The truth was that they had a fluid appearance, choosing their forms and weapons as they came into being.

When Anti caught his first glimpse of the world, it was 1942 and he lived in the margins between the minds of two people. A famous children's author had caught glimpses of his brothers and sisters and written a book about them. A famous cartoonist had received the story and decided to tell it in a film. The film was never fully created, and so Anti was stuck in the margins between the worlds, with nothing but his rage and his blade. For decades, he was stranded in the nether realm between being and not-being, occasionally managing to influence someone's mind enough to cut through the fabric between the worlds and inspire a new story of his kind. Hundreds of gremlins came into being in 1943, cute little sprites no larger than a kitten - nothing like the wrathful vengeance of the fey that their predecessors had been. These took to inhabiting radios and television sets, causing small glitches in performance like misheard song lyrics and phantom images. Inserting naughty imagery in children's cartoons became their favorite pastime.

In 1962, he cut a space large enough for another wave to come through, this time beings so monstrous and large they could only inhabit gigantic machines, like diesel-powered construction equipment. The 1980s and 1990s were a busy time for the gremlins, with wave after wave coming through each year and moving into the new machines being invented. With the rise of home computers and the internet, Anti had a revelation: he didnt' need to bring through gremlins that resembled his form. He just needed to change the way people thought about them, merging legends of his kind with the Tibetan concept of a tupla, and eventually he would have a form of his own. He began to work at achieving this plan, nudging imaginations here and there, waiting until the time was ripe. As an eternal creature, his sense of time wasn't the same as a humans, so he tended to lose track of years while keeping an eye on the nanoseconds.

Somewhere around 2012, Anti began to plan his next big move. Online gaming had been combined with recording and online videos, giving rise to an entire group of humans who were continually surrounded by machines. He moved among their equipment, causing the occasional glitch or malfunction, looking for someone with the traits he needed: it had to be someone who would ignore his presence long enough to complete the process, with a large enough following to help him gather strength, but not so large that they'd change his form too much from his own ideals. One of these YouTubers, as they called themselves, seemed to be a good fit. He was loud, energetic, and had a large following.

Anti kept a close eye on this one, watching as his following grew larger and larger, and prepared to make his move. This one would be perfect: he lived near Anti's homeland, used a fair bit of profanity, and played enough horror games that he wouldn't think anything of Anti's opening moves. Best of all, he posted videos on a regular basis, which meant he was constantly surrounded by the machinery that would give Anti his chance. As the YouTuber began to play Siren: Blood Curse, Anti noticed a disturbing trend in his number of views - they were too erratic. One video would have almost 60,000 views and the next wouldn't even get 10,000. This wouldn't do. Only sustained, widespread attention would bring him fully out of the margins. He needed to find someone else.

Combing through the figures of YouTube gave Anti the name he needed. This one had played the very same game not even one year previously, and had consistently gotten 10x the amount of views as the other. From the moment he heard the YouTuber's now famous introduction, "Top o' the mornin' to you, laddies," Anti realized this was a much better choice. When he saw that this 'Jacksepticeye,' as the YouTuber called himself, had nearly 1 million subscribers, he knew this was the one who could bring him through. He settled in to watch, learn everything he could about this human, and plan his takeover.

Throughout the next few years, he continued to nudge along certain ideas. He played around with the Slenderman community, gradually adjusting their mental image of the creature in ways they didn't even notice. He perfected his ability to sneak into and alter the recording equipment that Jacksepticeye was using, continuing to learn new techniques as the technology was invented.

In 2016, Anti sent his first hint to the online community following Jacksepticeye. His task was simple at this point: superimpose his chosen effect into one of the Jacksepticeye videos. The glitching effect, as everyone called it, was simple to achieve: all he needed to do was cut the transmission signal between the camera and storage device in a way that mimicked the electromagnetic noise accidentally picked up by the antenna in older televisions. The visible effect was a mismatch in areas appearing on the screen, which ranged from a snow-like appearance to lines of image being misaligned. People began commenting on the videos, looking for clues, discussing the meaning. The attention was like a shot of adrenaline to the gremlin. It allowed him the energy to continue inserting his hints, causing more severe glitches on screen, and eventually replacing images of Jacksepticeye himself with a more sinister version. Anti knew that he would need to differentiate himself from Jacksepticeye immediately, and he wasted no time in doing so.

As the community paid more attention to Anti, he continued to increase his effects & appearances. Soon, he was all they were talking about, thinking of, drawing, and imagining. He had almost enough of it to come through, but he needed a bit more. A solution presented itself, right there in the previous videos: a Halloween special. It was already the perfect time of year, with the veil between the worlds thinner than any other time, and the type of video he had in mind wouldn't be considered any more strange than what others were doing on the same day. All he needed was to provide that last little cut in the fabric holding him in place.

[popcultureliterary]

Framed Stories: Fiction Inside Fiction with Adventure Time and Ponys

If every author followed the exact same formula for crafting stories, their readers would languish in boredom! Creators constantly combine different storytelling techniques and literary devices in order to make their works shine amid a sea of other brilliant works. One available narrative device is the framed story.

Perhaps one of the most popular stories told using this device dates back to the 9th century: One Thousand and One Nights, also known as, Arabian Nights. The tale’s protagonist, Scheherazade, tells her husband awe-inspiring stories with intense cliffhangers in order to avoid execution and to rescue other women from the same fate. The majority of the action occurs in the stories that she tells in between the pockets of narration detailing her life.

Framed stories can be found in today’s popular media as well. TV shows often use this device to create playful episodes in which characters take turns telling stories. Examples include Futurama’s “What If Machine” episodes, Gravity Falls’s “Bottomless Pit!” and episodes of Family Guysuch as “We Three Kings.” Popular examples of movies include Forest Gump, Tangled, and Big Fish.

What Exactly is a Framed Story?

Imagine a painting hanging on the wall, decked out in an ornate golden frame. You stand and appreciate it for a while, taking in the average-looking home and admiring the way that the artist used blue around the old woman sitting in the middle of the room. You get a lonely feeling looking at her, and can’t quite make sense of the soft smile on her face. Then, you notice a painting hanging on the wall in the background. It contains a young woman laughing with children. You realize that it is a portrait of the woman and her family. They seem quite happy. It gives you insight into why the lonely old woman smiles.

Framed stories are just the same: a story (or a set of stories) within a larger story that gives you a deeper understanding.

These works typically begin with a framing narration that introduces a character, or multiple characters, who will tell a tale. They set the scene, and launch into the telling. At the conclusion of the tale, the framing narration returns in order to show the impact it had on the listeners.

Creators can use this narrative technique in several ways. Let’s take a look at some of the more popular ones.

Fiction Within Fiction in Adventure Time

Sometimes the framed story comes entirely from a character’s imagination. Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time gives us great examples in its Fiona and Cake episodes.

These rare but well-loved gender-bending episodes follow the adventures of Fionna and her magical cat companion, Cake. The first of these episodes, “Adventure Time with Fionna and Cake,” opens right into the adventure. Fans don’t find out what is really going on until the end, when the scene switches to Ice King reading pages from his book of fanfiction.

Unlike other framed stories, the episode does not open with a framing scene introducing the story, but that doesn’t disqualify it from being a framed story. Authors occasionally use creative license in order to end their work with the framing narration instead of starting with one in order to leave the audience in the dark until the close. What’s important is the purpose that the story serves. Ice King’s imaginative “Fionna and Cake” episodes give the audience (and maybe even other characters) some important insight into Ice King’s personality.

It’s no coincidence that his two protagonists resemble Fin and Jake. At first, it seems like just a fun nod to the fans (which it might be!), but further examination tells a much sadder story.

The ancient wizard constantly tries to befriend the heroic duo, only to have his efforts fail time after time. Ice King just wants to feel included in the adventures and lives of the people of Ooo. He doesn’t have the social skills to do so, and creates his fanfiction to make up for it. We can see this in the episode “Bad Little Boy.”

It starts with a poorly crafted Fionna and Cake adventure told by Ice King, who inserts himself into the story’s climax and rescues his heroes. They tell him that he’s a super cool guy, and Ice King cries for joy at having the opportunity to meet them. Fionna tries to cheer him up, and invites him on the sort of adventures he wishes he could take with Finn and Jake. In the end, Ice King visits a room in the depths of his ice castle devoted to the fanfic’s heroes. He kneels before two massive ice sculptures of his protagonists and discloses his hopes that he will meet them one day in the real world.

We see him wishing to meet Fionna and Cake in another episode as well. In “Mystery Dungeon,” Ice King tricks various denizens of Ooo into helping him through a dungeon in order to bring his stories to life. After the adventure fails his expectations, Ice King tells Fionna in his Imagination Zone that he believes she’s real. Watching from a distance, Finn comments that nobody in the world is as sad as the Ice King (except for Shelby watching the situation play out, perhaps).

We can infer that Ice King, isolated in his land of snow with only a surly group of fleetingly loyal penguins for company, lacks companionship. Knowing this casts his princess-nabbing antics into a new light. He isn't kidnapping the royal ladies out of malice, but out of a desire to fill the void with the companionship that he can’t seem to earn on his own. Failing time and time again, he writes fanfiction in order to know what having friends feels like.

A few novels that utilize the framed narrative in a similar way include The Canterburry Tales, Frankenstein, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

BONUS: The Ice King’s imaginative tales aren’t the only framed stories featured in Adventure Time. What time is it? Scavenger hunt time!

It Came from the Past

Framed stories aren’t limited to fictional stories told inside of fiction. Many creators utilize the technique to delve into the past of the framing narrative. These stories start with a character introducing a riveting tale about their past, and launching into it for the majority of the work. Just like the fictional frames, these past-delving narratives can happen in different ways depending on the creator’s wishes. It might continue uninterrupted to the end, with the framing narrative coming back to wrap things up, or it might revisit the framing narrative throughout the work in order to introduce new elements of the story.

Let’s take a look at My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The first season’s twenty-third episode, “The Cutie Mark Chronicles,” uses this narrative style to explore the history of the Mane Six.

The episode opens with the Cutie Mark Crusaders conducting their usual shenanigans to find their cutie marks. After another epic failure, the determined trio set out to ask their role models for cutie mark origin stories. Along the way, they run into each member of the Mane Six and get their cutie mark history. Each of their histories occurs inside of the framing narration of the Crusaders running around Ponyville on their quest.

The framing of the episode serves several purposes. First, it gives Lauren Faust and team an engaging way to tell their intended story. It also discloses the protagonists’ cutie mark history in an engaging way and sets the stage for future episodes.

So why didn’t they just tell the whole story in the past? That’s where a third purpose comes in. Using the framed story technique allowed the writing team to give more information about the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Here, we see the trio trying a new technique to solving their problem: asking the older ponies how they did it. Telling the story this way gives the creative team a chance to demonstrate the Crusaders’ resourcefulness while also exploring the relationship between the Crusaders and the Mane Six.

Finally, their choice to tell it this way allowed the episode to end with the Main Six sharing their stories in the bakery. They reach the essential conclusion that they all got their marks from the same event, which serves to cement their friendship even deeper.

Flashbacks aren’t Framed Stories

An important thing to keep in mind is that framed stories are different than flashbacks (a narrative device where the author gives us a glimpse of events that occurred in the past). You can determine the difference by asking yourself one question: does most of the action take place in the past, or the present?

If you answered that it takes place in the past with occasional narration from the present, you have a framed story. If instead, you determined that the majority takes place in the present, you have a flashback. The events of a flashback usually serve the main story in some way, such as explaining an important event, revealing information about a character, or creating contrast between past and present.

Both My Little Pony and Adventure Time make use of flashbacks in multiple episodes in order to give the audience a glimpse of what happened. Let’s take a look at “Memories of Boom Boom Mountain” from Adventure Time’s first season. Flashbacks throughout the narration show the audience scenes from Finn’s past that guide his actions in the present. These glimpses take up only a short portion of the overall story. The majority of the action takes place in the present as Finn works hard to keep everyone happy.

Video Games Put a New Spin on Things

Video games also utilize this narrative device. Games like Assassin’s Creed and Fable 3 use a framing story to launch players into the heart of the game.

Video games as a genre have also created a unique spin on the framed narrative. Many RPGs, especially open-world RPGs, feature books and letters hidden throughout the world that players can discover and read. The items, while not always important to the player as a tool, often contain the history and lore of the world. Sometimes, they just tell the story of characters who the player will never meet, or ones they interacted with on various quests.

These items give the player a deeper understanding of the world as they run around exploring it. Occasionally, they provide insight into certain characters’ actions, or hints on the location of an obscure quest. Framing these tales within the game’s overall narrative gives players a more in-depth understanding, and allows them to create their own experiences of the journey throughout the game. Players can generally complete the game without reading any of these, but taking a moment to pause and peruse gives them a more wholesome experience.

Tag, You’re It!

Do you have any favorite shows, games, comics, or movies with a framed story? Don’t forget to leave a note! Tell us your take on what purpose the framed story serves in the work.

You can also connect with me on Twitter at @Popliterature, or send me a message.

And as always, if you have a literary device you want to know more about, or a game, comic, show, or movie that you want to see make an appearance on the blog, leave a shout-out!

[lucifers-ferris-wheel-blog]

All Except The Sea (Ness-An 2.5)

The Rivalry BEGIIIIINNNNNSSSSS(@marysuewhyyyy @criticalcritques)!

Name (if multiple, most commonly used during said time): Birth to twelve, while living in hometown: Ness-An.                                          Twelve to eighteen, while living in the Mission School: Mahala Of Wolves. Eighteen to twenty-seven, while on the Northbound Journey (it will all be explained, in a Backstory ™, which is basically just going to be a plot summary): Mahah-Leloo.  

The definition of the first name she had is Wolf Of; because her mother was upset at people having given their children lengthy and over-specific names they didn’t live up to, or even did, so her mother decided to name Ness-An something open-ended. The issue is that in Ketempi culture many children, as aforementioned, have very long names, so most people who have not met her before assume it’s been cut into a nickname at an odd point. Many people ask for her “full name”, and she actually receives more inconvenience, or at least face-to-face rude comments, on her name than her eyes. Her second name was assigned so that she would assimilate better with the settlers and be more “civilized”. She actually didn’t mind it, and in fact, was quite neutral on the idea of newcomers for a time, but then things went downhill. Her third name is composed of Northwest trade jargon (which was/is an actual thing and is modernly called Chinuk Wawa), with Mahah meaning “to depart or leave” and Leloo meaning “wolf”, at least among several coastal groups, because yay hurrah dialects. So she, in a way, gets an “Of” after all. Wolf Of Leaving.

Time period of first book: 1845-1847

Duration of Ness-An’s life: 1835-1862 (27 years, t'was not a good time to reach old age)

Physical description: Ness-An has hair about to her waist, and it’s relatively straight dark brown, nearly black. Not dark enough to be considered an extremely valuable trait, like blueblack, nor light enough to be uncommon and special, like medium brown is. It’s rather unremarkable hair, and she has trouble remembering to brush it.. Ness-An is relatively short compared to a modern western woman, but is around average for a Ketempiken (Around 5″2). Her weight fluctuates heavily based on food availability, and it’s a bit lower before she hits puberty evidently, but if adequately fed she is rather squishy. She has a traditionally pretty oval face, and occasionally marks three charcoal lines beneath her chin, because it’s considered a luck symbol. 

Her eyes are different colors, but one is greysih-brown and the other more completely greyish, and from distant range its hard to tell. However, when Ness-An was born, her greyer eye was paler and made the difference more pronounced (this has occurred with actual heterochromic people, where sometimes the lighter eye darkens slightly within anywhere from months to years of birth), and in a town where the number of inhabitants were around 700, everyone hears about this. It’s theorized about in a negative light as to why this occurs, but any asking, if asking is done at all, goes to her mother. By the time she’s old enough to have defined memories at around four, the few people who harped upon it have fallen silent, but no-one ever to go out of the way to interact with her. 

Languages spoken:  Ketempi, which is a language isolate, meaning it has no traceable roots or family (Isolates are fairly common, actually, especially among native groups, but i suppose its because there are often languages there that die before proper analyzation). I decided to make it a language isolate because i made it up and I’m excessively lazy. I've forged an entire fictional indigenous culture simply because I can control the history of it as long as I manage to explain why it isn't remembered to this day. If anyone happens across this who finds this offensive, most especially if said person has native heritage, please tell me. Slight topic drift back to original question: Ness also learns to speak English at the Mission School, because that’s what they’re teaching there, and Chinuk Wawa, because that way she can speak to the other children boarded there who aren’t of Ketempi heritage.

Here are the answers to some previous critiques that you may want to skip: 

Why Ness identifies as an elf and not a Native American: She does fully claim to be Native American, but like many groups did, believes her personal tribe she descended from was a bit better than others, as this is often ingrained into origin stories for how people came to be. And yes, I understand I need a lot of research; I’m at 17 months of researching and counting. The thing is that ear pointing was practiced as a coming of age ritual, much like facial tattoos or lip piercing were for other groups, and also to better adhere to societal beauty standards. It helped make the Kentempi even more different, seeing as no other people were ever recorded to have practiced such. Immigrants from the East decided that they resembled elves, but they never actually themselves identified as that. 

But yes, they were originally spoken of as having dark magic or negative powers, seeing as they had a native religion with a god that wasn’t Christian so of course they were seen as heathens and witches and satanistic people. Now most of us recall elves as more beneficial in their supernatural abilities. Also, when (spoiler warning to my nonexistent fans) they flee north once driven of their land, just as some tribes fled to Canada once they had their homelands removed from them, they are constantly referencing the Crystal Path (which sounds super hipstery but) from their origin story, a highly time-corrupted version of crossing over the sheet glaciers on the Bering Land Bridge from Asia to North America; and the North Star, which actually wasn’t in it’s fixed location when the Land Bridge was being crossed; which has a whole legend dedicated to why it stays still now, but anyway: they fled further north than any other group was recorded to have fled to, in relation to their starting point. 

They also engaged in the whole “giving away things connotes wealth”, just as several other groups in the Northwest, especially coastal, did. The Chinook word for “to give”, patshatl, was turned into Potlatch, which is the modern name for these parties still hosted to this day where the host hands out free food and bountiful gifts to the guests; often over half of their possessions, at least in old days.These giving sprees varied by culture, with some being held primarily in summer because it facilitates travel and others mainly held them on winter, to add cheer to dreary times. Yet others had no seasonal tendency for when potlatches were most frequently hosted. They could take up to a decade to hoard for if they were especially opulent, but yes, it was a way of showing high social status that I wish most Americans still practiced today. The Ketempi people called the practice Hlák, and held it often once immigrants arrived, thinking that if they rewarded the newcomers with fine hospitality they would feel satisfied enough to leave. This was the opposite of what occurred, and the Europeans simply took the gifts and destroyed the ones bearing native symbols, but robbing the Ketempiken of furs and foods. 

In the end, they gathered a reputation for being pointy eared, northern-living people who had some rumors of odd abilities and gave things away seemingly without incentive. While hiding out in the inland north, they ate primarily caribou, and the same while heading through parts of British Columbia. So there you have it. It was warped over time to the Santa-aiding, pale skinned toy-makers, who were first described so in 1856 by Louisa May Alcott, three years after the beginning of the northward movement. Seeing as both that she didn’t live in the area and probably would rather they weren’t of color, she most likely simply took them for an inspiration source. That’s the reason for all that.

Another critique was that you wish to hear more about the Mission School:  Love, I’m writing nine books for a reason. I’m already too lengthy on my review, and it covers literally half of one book. The Mission School shows up in two and three, which i could send in as briefer summaries if desired by any of The Rivalry. Apologies, but to save my soul i couldn’t write a short story.

Context (Sort of a backstory, but mostly historical, can skip if a reader or delete if a part of The Rivalry): Europeans first made contact with the native peoples occupying the Willamette Valley in 1805, when the Lewis and Clark expedition came through. However, they came through to the slight north, thus not encountering the Ketempiken. More people, in small groups, started crossing the treacherous expanse of plains in 1812, but still far too few to constitute a trail. A few Ketempiken would engage in secondhand trade with the Europeans, meaning, say, that an Alsea would trade for glass beads from an immigrant, and then a Ketempi would trade with the Alsea, or such. Immigration numbers went up considerably around 1824, but were still relatively low. A few distantly nearby settlements were cemented. Still no-one came to Kiger Island, or the nearby land area, however, so being a tribe where townships kept to themselves, the Europeans proved no issue to them or the nearby bands of Kalapuya, although in pioneer towns being set up at the time to the northeast and southeast did have some mild clashing with the nearest original group.

 In 1829, a case of smallpox was reported, which had come in from the immigrants and which the natives had no immunity (which often comes from exposure to livestock) from. By 1830, it was spreading uncontrollably all throughout the valley, including the neighboring Cascade Mountains and coastal areas. If in a more modern setting and with proper quarantine procedures, medication and cleanliness, one out of four people infected would die. The number rose far higher in that time and place, and it is estimated that a fair 70% of people in the area died of it, if you average them. It was most devastating, and didn’t subside until 1833. The Kalapuya, who are a real group and most likely numbered around 7,000 at the time, but under 1,000 post-illness. The Ketempi, who are the central focus, dropped from 8,000 to just above 5,000

 Separate note on land use: the Kalapuya were more likely to gain the land around the rivers for frequent use, and the coastal hills and foothills, while the Ketempiken only took small sections of river and took more to the eastern half of the valley with a large amount of oak savanna, creeping up slightly close to the Cascades in seasonal gathering. Pretty much they share quite an amount on occasion, because the entire valley is places in sparse towns, and the whole area of valley only contained 15,000-16,000 people. The towns were, for both cultures, for wintertime, and then in warmer times both left to gather for gaining food, but they tried not to interact. During the time the story occurs, the total number of people in the valley has dropped from 15,000 to 7,000 at best. The Kalapuya were hit much harder by the smallpox epidemics.

The survival numbers of the Ketempi were higher seeing as they were so isolative from external contact in the first place, and rarely conjoined outside of towns. This is another factor which lead outside cultures to want to connect with them less: the fact they didn’t seem much to want to. For many groups indigenous to North America, traveling between towns to make or visit friends or business partners (as in people to trade, carve, hunt, or gather with, ect.) is considered a very good and wanted occurrence. The Ketempiken seemed to have seen it as rejection of the preexisting social​ connections in one’s birth town. Although people would often leave a town to marry, this was a permanent departure. 

Trading was, to them, an awe-inducing act that commanded both great fear and admiration; a powerful position one was called upon to take (much like shamanism in many cultures) and was usually given as a main thing to do in life. One was not supposed to WANT to be a trader or a shaman, but one was not supposed to strongly dislike or fear these positions. 

An agricultural note originally included at the asterisk* which probably belongs up here where it’s easier to skip: Seeing as it bears relevance, the people of that area and many chunks of California and the plains had an odd blurring of agriculture and non-agriculture, seeing as most groups had no proper crops, but would burn the large fields annually around autumn in a semi-controlled manner, which rid weeds, provided nutrients, and left only older trees to grow, help keeping the prairies and savannas healthy and allowing new seeds to take root. Considering most of their diets (generalization, but forgive me) would place high dependence on either bulbs/roots, which were beneath the earth and would sprout up again after the fire and reseed, or grasses (the seeds were eaten, sort of as rice), whose seeds blow around and root on every bare patch of ground they can find, such as a freshly burned area, this helped them take partial control of their environment.

 Every year, the Ketempiken (and other groups, but I’m writing about the Ketempi) would burn an several areas, but they would let chunks of land go anywhere from two to ten years between burnings, depending on how things were growing. Besides the partial clearing of land, however, most groups did not do anything else to help assure food would be plentiful through agricultural means. There were groups who gathered grass seed and scattered it specifically, but most just waited to see what nature did. All the young grass shoots would lure in deer, elk, rabbits, and the like, helping up the odds of game concentrating near an inhabited area. Many western people have deemed this a half-assed approach to food collection, but personally I think it’s really clever. You can almost double your total yield in plants and noticeably heighten your odds at meat simply by sparking some dry leaves and not regulating the spread. How great is that? It also facilitates travel, because when many saplings get torched there are wide patches between trees, and you don’t need some set and worn path to go around gathering. Final note, flame helped harvest tarweed, a sunflower-like plant whose seeds provided oil, much as people who want to go on some random trendy cooking spree use sunflower oil. 

Probably an actual backstory™ that talks about the character:                   This leave 1834 as the year where, while recuperating from losing nearly half their population, many people took pregnant, and thus Ness-An was brought into the world in 1835. Most of her friends she makes are of equal age or younger to her and the oldest children in their families. It takes her ages to question this, but there is a large gap without people between children who are (at the books start) of ten years and adults who are  of around twenty, seeing as most children were more prone to infection. Many adults have little concavements on their face and hands and feet. In fact so many have these characteristics of recovery from smallpox that Ness assumes the pockmarring of your extremities is something that happens “when you grow up”, just like getting more permanent body fat or ceasing growing, which strikes me as rather sad but is probably sounding Edgy©.

She spends the majority of her childhood friendless, not because she is bullied or teased, but mainly because she is actually rather rude, and will often snap at or argue with other children and then chalk up their negative response to the fact they don’t like her eyes. Most of Ness-An’s younger life is spent tagging along with her family, especially her mother, but trying simultaneously to evade the day-to-day chores needed to sustain them. Eventually she is broken of this habit, around the age of seven, and takes to the expected tasks of digging camas and threshing grass for seed, or gathering acorns and washing them to remove tannin. At the series’ beginning Ness has two parents, both living, and three siblings, all younger (I hopefully explained why well enough): a brother who is two years younger, and a pair of sisters who are respectively five and six years younger. Funnily enough, both her sisters have longer and more flowery names. You get the impression that Ness-An’s mother gave up, and decided that something really extravagant would suffice over something short in an odd way. Her brother is named reasonably and his name is brief, but I suppose because of certain occurrences that are to happen combined with the fact the names are of my invention and thus may be harder to remember or tell apart than, say Steve from Bob, I am listing none of her original family’s titles. 

I’m currently only referring to book one; I’m aiming for a total of nine, it looks like currently. Yes, in fact, I DO hate writing short stories, what on earth prompted THAT inquiry? The actual story begins during the Moon of Acorns and Fire, or approximately September* while the protagonist is ten and a half, and is still somewhat a conceited slacker. The town is celebrating with the annual Thricemoon, which is sort of a small festival held to celebrate the safe return of the traders who ventured away for the summer and the re-congregation of the town. Many left the island to make temporary, single-family camps out in good gathering areas, but have come back to reside with slightly more permanence in their winter homes: earthen domes with a smokehole and a door, much akin to those used by several tribes in southern California, like the Digueño, but more ovular in shape with a door on one of the longer sides.

Another reason for Thricemoon is the fact that it signals the end of the vision-seeking process for those who came of age that year. It is unknown even to the elders if Thricemoon is held when it is primarily because it marks an end to the time of vision quests, or whether vision quests are held when they are primarily because they mark the beginning of Thricemoon. Anyhoot, it’s during the harvest moon when there are three full moons in a row. Everybody’s happy, even though it so happens that no children came of age this year (hahahaha I was going to put “smallpox” in here but I accidentally wrote “smolpox” oh my god it’s like smallpox but it’s KaWAiiiiii), so that means there is plenty of food and joy and gift-givings, plus plenty of opportunities to set up your character to have their soul crushed.

So it’s Thricemoon and everything is holding up great. There is celebrating and joy, and then suddenly Ness realizes they seem awfully short on food (her family in specific) and appear to be partying awfully hard. She brings this up with her mother, and her mother admits that they are indeed not likely to make the winter, but that the younger children haven’t picked up on it yet. Then there’s this whole realizing-that-life-isn’t-perfect-even-though-it-seemed-so-as-a-child moment, and she has this whole screeching fit about how they’re going to starve. Her mother suggests to Ness that she should overwinter with another family, but seeing as Ness-An hasn’t really been that prolific in the friends department she must specifically seek out a family and basically fake investment in them to stay fed. 

This causes Ness to basically switch into the mode of a child who thinks they’ve seen some serious shit and been through such soul-wrenching insufferable pain (such as dropping a blackberry in mud and still eating it), which is a trope I love and don’t see enough of. Dear authors, give me children who think getting green wrapping paper instead of pink warrants singing "wake me up inside”. (I can’t wake) WAKE ME UP… Alright, you get it, I’ll carry on but now that’s stuck in my head. She goes to the other family, and it turns out they’re lovable and she doesn’t need to fake her attachment to them.

Regardless, Ness actually has a great time, even though her harshness and occasional lack of filtering what she says gets her pretty close to rejected from them on several occasions. It turns out that her hardworkingness (hah she’s Ness and she’s hardworking) and creativity manage to provide useful help to the new family, however. Their oldest child, Ourealv'oi [Apostrophe is for glottal stop, not edge factor, but I’m thinking of just removing it so that it’s Ourealvoi. How about that?] Strikes it off decently with Ness-An, especially if you consider that they were an almost randomly chosen family. However, although Ourealv is less confrontational than Ness-An, she’s far more impatient in general, and once an argument is struck up she’ll be extremely harsh. Once one convinces Ourealv'oi to sit and work, though, she’s actually rather good at the more mundane aspects of choredom, such as flourgrinding and clothing repair. Oure seems to be more clear-headed than Ness and already has a vague idea for the future she wants, which is a lot of forethought for a nine year old. She’s become entranced by the idea of falconry, but is too young to actually be trusted with the responsibility, and of course she’ll need other means of sustenance. There is also a younger brother, named Teven, who is either six or seven, I’m still doing child development research. He gets angry about any violation of Normal, and collects rocks obsessively. He can apply sarcasm, though, so I’m still thinking non-autistic, even though I personally am an autistic who can use sarcasm. Then there’s Edolsi, who’s a four year old who hasn’t yet gotten over his stage of ramming stuff into his mouth and Kalo, a very young infant.

 Ness is still rather impressed by her new family, seeing as they actually keep house and impose social etiquette onto their children and the like, things that weren’t there in her prior family. This naturally means she gets called out much more often on her errors, but they are accepting enough and have enough food and goods she keeps trying. She finds out along the way that the family were traders (o the horror) and not only people who changed towns in the summer, but people who lived on the road in a semicircular tent, and have only settled into Heron Speaks four years prior. This is a big deal, of course, but it’s especially big because this doesn’t bother Ness-An. She wants to hear about how things were in places besides her town, and actually begins pressuring them to restart their vagrant lifestyle. She asks about the sea, which she hasn’t heard of before, and imagines it as an enormous brown river with waves flowing parallel with the shore, and thinks that whales are enormous, bio-luminescent lampreys that sing by blowing air out of their mouths like a flute. She pictures baleen as algae that grows symbiotically, and such on. Ness has heard about the Crystal Path and always imagines it as incredibly distant: a full three days walk north. So yes, it’s been interesting writing for a character who has lived such a small life. 

When Ness-An accidentally reveals how her home family is faring, Ourealv'oi’s family (more specifically, Ourealv’s parents, Adiir and Enolset) choose to adopt her. Yes, with most Native groups it was really casual, like borrowing a cup of flour. "I can’t adequately take care of this kid, do you want ‘em?” “Sure.” “K here you go”. Ness starts worrying that her new family is too decent, however, and she’ll keep being too rude and lazy to fit in properly. The problem is she whines so much about her fear of being an annoying nuisance that she this becomes an honest annoying nuisance. She basically just hangs around her new home chatting, griping, and having character development ™ for a week or five, and then they all as a family head out to the winter duck hunting camp. Ness-An’s previous family didn’t have any specific food they were annually sent specifically to retrieve, so this is an interesting experience. However, when after a few days she realizes that she is nowhere near to even Teven in hunting skill, seeing as she’s never been before, she gets exceptionally convinced it would be better if she went back to her birth family, which she assumes has starved nearly to death. Her new parents, when she at last brings this up, tell her that the community is very tight (😎hella tight bro) (I need to chill on the useless thingies in parentheses) and would not let a family be “a single hole in the basket which through all the water can run out”, and make sure everyone was properly housed, fed, and looked after, at least to the best of everyone’s collective ability. And yes, they had watertight baskets, look up Northwest Native American watertight basket. Neat. 

Regarding the plot: Ness-An decides to try and look at things from afar, and realizes that it has some merit, the fact that her original family should be okay. Ness’ new parents also chew her up on being disrespectful by rejecting their hospitality. In the end, Ness-An decides to stay out the rest of the trip actually learning new skills instead of just griping about how she has no skills, and tries to make an actual effort at being kind continuously, now that a roof being over her head is no longer a variable. It’s a lot of fun, at least everything besides plucking the actual waterfowl and also: bird guts. But she makes some stronger bonds and tries to get bearings on the world, as well as learning more about drop-nets, archery, snares, and a bunch of legends that get told to pass the time while removing duck guts. When they at last get back, which is in a while but I’m condensing things, Ness, and Ourealvoi who came with out of curiosity but then decided to stay out of things, go to Ness-An’s former house. Surprise! Everyone is properly fed and cheery, and it turns out her family wasn’t short on food, and in fact, was better stocked than most years, causing the excessive celebration. When Ness first brought up that she suspected a food shortage to her mother, her mother ran with the idea in order to convince Ness to leave the house, because Ness had been unhelpful and bothersome, but greater yet the shamaness had apparently seen something regarding the Odd-Eyed Child, and the village healers were no small deal. Ness was indeed an unhelpful ass, though, in essence. Thus, her mother casually passed her off to another family whom she knew already had a low reputation for having been traders, believing no worse damage could be done to their status by having to rear a ride and “dangerous” child. 

Ness is of course startled and becomes very upset. In the end, she returns to her second family. She feels rejected; and justly so because she was literally given up from her family without argument. She spends most of december trying to fit in and improve, but gives up a little as temperatures and food availability drop drastically for january. However, the lack of need to be outside, which is a byproduct of the lack of food to be gathered, means that there is plenty of time to sit on the round floor of the house and play around or carve or weave. In this way she becomes closer to them, and there are all sorts of small friendly and funny scenes I’m putting here. She’s evidently still mad with her birth family, but it’s turning out okayish. She starts taking better care of other people, but also stays believably immature, such as almost putting a rotting trout into Teven’s bedding after he drops a garter snake down Oure’s blouse. When the first turkey vulture (a first sign of spring, seeing as they move south in the summer and have a very distinct presence upon returning, with a six foot wingspan) is sighted in mid-march, the long and rather unnoteworthy winter comes to an end and people suddenly have things to gather again. While out in the fields with Adiir and the children (all of them, seeing as boys help mainly the mother until around age twelve) gathering young camas lily shoots, Ness begins once again bringing up travel, namely to the sea. Oure wants to go back as well, now that Ness-An has gone through the step of mentioning the topic, which isn’t recomended. Ourealvoi hasn’t been there since she was barely six years old, and doesn’t want to forget how it looked. Teven and the rest can’t remember anything besides Heron Speaks, though, but still add in agreement. Adiir and Enolset discuss this in depth, because although the excursion would retrieve valuable items such as salt, sea otter fur, and many other plants and meats, plus turban shells and other things that were valued somewhat like currency; it would immediately dock their slowly improving reputation. In the end, they decide to go to the sea. It takes two overnights walking westward, which to Ness that’s an a m a z i n g duration of time, basically three days walk, which is how far away she previously though esentially the edge of the world was. They spend a lot of time by the sea that i’m not going to go on about, but return after drifting up and down the coastline and trading some to the north. When they return in late August, something is very wrong with Heron Speaks. Downriver, there’s a house. A house made of wood. Everyone says it’s been there since early june, by which Ness and family were already gone. Nobody knows what to do, but everyone thinks Ness might have some answer, even though she’s just eleven, because of her being the Odd-Eyed Girl. There is much discussion, but nobody will let her go see the house. After people get more used to the fact there’s a house four miles away with a lone inhabitant, and that the mysterious immigrant seems to be staying, people start relaxing slightly and preparing once again for Thricemoon (i need to put a lot more description into the summer evidently, and i have in the book, but here I’m short on space and time). The celebration begins, and for the first time Ness is one of the people who has gone trading, and gets plenty of attention. When she awakes on the third morning of Thricemoon, however, the house is empty and  the shore outside is crowded with canoes, from other Ketempi towns, even, which has never happened before. a full thousand people must be out there. She wades into the water, asking what on earth is wrong. There is now a second house, and a negotiation must be held. She hears from the people from other towns that far more settlers have been arriving in their areas, as well. But nobody understands that the Europeans are trying to actually build permanent homesteads, they just assume they’ve put up wood houses because they’re staying briefly, a year at most, because if you actually are going to live somewhere, you make an earth house. So everyone decides to go give gifts to the temporary guests, so that they feel welcome before they leave.This goes over much differently that planned.

Anyway, i must sleep, so there’s the first half of the first book. Tah-dah.

A/N: Like I said, delete literally anything you like, and feel free to ask for me to add information on something [feel free to google anything mentioned]. I have sixteen years of story left to tell for Ness, and once you know the universe already i can make things briefer, hopefully fitting two years to a post instead of just one. I’ve atted you, so go to town: delete half of it, point out seventy grammatical errors, harp on plot holes, basically do your worst. I hate myself already and nothing you say can change that. Go ahead and delete the whole thing; it undoubtedly deserves it, seeing as how much i yammer.

Also, @iloveshippingkitty @buying-the-space-farm @jovanafung @tjc2009-2018

[michaelmalcolmwalkeasicaus-blog]

Investment Manager Alerts concerning Purchasing Uranium Projects

Although the younger mining market began falling apart in Might, wise financier Mike Halvorson, president of Halcorp Resources, still ended up having a really active summertime. Invite to the globe of a significant financier in mining stocks, that enters early and then enjoys considerable revenues as, individually, his companies end up being takeover targets. "I have actually been privileged," the simple Halvorson informed us, "I have actually obtained connected with top explorationists, individuals who do recognize a top quality project." And because they have trustworthiness, quality jobs involve those geologists. Halvorson claims his wealth-building method originates from buying the tasks of these legitimate geologists.

  On May 3rd, Glamis Gold obtained Western Silver. "I recognized the project and also the major rock hound behind it, Tom Patton," Halvorson discussed. "I was a director of Western Silver. I really did not remain associated for the entire run, however I was there for the most effective component of it." August has been his busiest month. As a supervisor of NovaGold, Barrick Gold recently introduced an aggressive takeover of this firm, and also which is now being contested. In mid August, Yamana Gold tried to take control of the shares of Viceroy Expedition, which has actually shown and also possible gold books over of 7 million ounces in Argentina.

  So just how does somebody mimic Mike Halvorson's success in choosing significant champions in the mining field? "The typical investor is going to have a difficult time," he sympathized throughout our phone conversation. "If I were a typical financier, I would rely upon some sort of advising service, or two or three, to aid me select my supplies." We both concurred a few of the uranium jobs weren't going to make it. "So many of these uranium projects will never see a shovel to the ground, they will certainly never see anything near manufacturing," he cautioned.

Michael Malcolm Walker ASIC

However numerous consultatory services watch out on their own first, after that their subscribers, possibly if whatsoever. He recommended us to stay clear of the egoistic ones. "I have a long record with a couple of guys that are straightforward as well as have excellent abilities," Halvorson said. He signs up for Bob Diocesan's Gold Mining Stock Report. "I like Bob," Halvorson informed us. "He covers individuals. He knows a lot of people in the market. Among the gifts, an individual like Diocesan has, is he does not try to fit the same model over every business, like a lot of experts do. He just tries to determine whether the supply is going up. What makes Bob Bishop better at choosing supplies than the majority of the men is that he doesn't walk with a model. He walks around with impulses and also the capability to evaluate individuals entailed. He has a fantastic network to check facts out with."

  " I think for the ordinary person, if they do not rely on an advising service, they ought to most likely to the (source) conferences," Halvorson advised. Such seminars take place throughout the year. One resource conference happens this week in Las vega. An additional prominent source show will certainly be held later in September in Toronto.

  Valuing Uranium Mining Stocks

  " The (uranium) companies are so new," Halvorson stated. "A few of them aren't really that familiarized with their very own possessions, let alone the properties of various other business. It's not such as the oil as well as gas business where you've obtained ... in western Canada, there are a dozen or fifteen excellent design companies that offer reserve as well as reservoir examinations. If you see one of those engineering records, you can truly place a market price on those possessions."

  Not so in the uranium company. With uranium assets, Halvorson discussed, "A whole lot it is historical work, some of them are National Instrument 43-101 as well as some aren't." However he cautioned that despite the regulative insistence that companies submit independent geological records verifying their sources, "You need to beware if you go out as well as get some 43-101 resources." He included, "I'm unsure that a person would exclusively base investment decisions on them."

  For instance, he defined just how it might be possible that a company might only service mine (ISR uranium recuperation) the source. What takes place if after doing the tests, the firm finds option mining will not work? "That is something that will certainly worry me," he told us. "I think there are a horrible lot of tasks out there that are being called 'great projects' by business that have them. And I do not assume these people have a hint regarding what is needed for option mining."

Walker Capital

If so, then what should investors be seeking in uranium mining supplies? "At this stage, I would certainly attempt to consider undervalued companies because that's the least risk," Halvorson suggested. "I do not assume I would certainly consider the marketplace leaders, in itself. Business like Cameco and also Denison are very expensive. International Uranium is pricey in my viewpoint." So where would Halvorson look today? "I would certainly take a look at the undervalued ones, the ones that have tasks, but also for some factor maybe not as much grip on the market," he recommended. "I believe eventually the marketplace will identify those worths or they'll get taken control of at premiums."

  Two of Halvorson's favorites originated from his network. "I originally got associated with Strathmore Minerals since I knew they had some good homes and some very good experts and also calls in business," he discussed. "As well as, they have David Miller, that really recognizes the business from top to bottom. Speaking to him, I obtained comfortable with those U.S. properties. So, I literally backed the truck up and bought lots of supply." Halvorson subsequently ended up being a supervisor of Strathmore Minerals.

  Another Halvorson prefers is Kilgore Minerals. "With Kilgore, it is because Standard Burmeister had such a good performance history with Silver Criterion as well as Bull Run," Halvorson said. "Norm is the type of guy who has an excellent admiration for an economic play. I got included with Kilgore rather at an early stage as well as was semi-responsible for the stock vacating the 30 - 50 cent range. Norm has a big gold home. We both giggled regarding Kilgore's significant downside, and also he included, "There's a business that if it was strongly advertised, would possibly be trading at possibly 3 times where it goes to. Their gold residential property is probably worth what they trade for."

  Halvorson discussed his various other uranium holdings, "I was a relatively significant shareholder of UR-Energy, yet you can't have all your supplies regularly. They had a great market so I left." He kept in mind those were his 3 considerable holdings which he additionally has small holdings somewhere else. One of those holdings, Santoy Resources, comes from his association with Ron Netolitzky, who is likewise a director of Viceroy. "There's not any person that's got a much better track record than Ron of identifying a financial down payment early," Halvorson stated of his veteran acquaintance. "Ron operated in the uranium area in the 1970s and also 1980s, along with the gold industry, so he understands everything about uranium exploration."

  Of the market, Halvorson thinks there is even more combination in advance with the top quality uranium firms. "A few of these guys have actually got rather rich evaluations, such as SXR Uranium One with their pricey money and also extremely solid market assistance from Europe and Canada," he told us. "Because of their market cap, they allow sufficient that they can use their money as well as do procurements." He spoke highly of SXR Uranium One, "I have actually been to their main task in South Africa. They're developing it. It's occurring. They will be mining. And also they are miners."

  And that's the huge distinction, returning to his comment about some projects which will never ever see a shovel in the ground. "Exactly how do you compare Denison to several of these various other business?" he asked. "That becomes part of the difference. Denison resembles it's valued through the stratosphere, but they are extracting. I assume if Strathmore Minerals, which is sort of undervalued right now, if we could get Church Rock producing, I assume there would be a substantial revaluation."

  He sees a bright future in advance for the mining market, as well as thinks investors can do well if they examine firms before investing in them and get the right suggestions. "For individuals coming new to the marketplace, I would certainly seek underestimated stocks," Halvorson advised. "I would most likely take a portfolio technique. I would not purchase simply one. I would purchase a number of."

  Halvorson expects much more consolidation in the uranium sector. "As the companies get more comfortable with everyone else's share cost, as well as also getting even more comfy with other individuals's properties, then you will see people claiming, 'We can use our shares as currency because we're trading at about our Web Possession Value (NAV), however this business is trading at a discount rate of 30 percent to their NAV. So, if we can do a purchase with them, it's mosting likely to be accretive.'".

  That's not the case now, though. "You'll hear companies discussing this fantastic asset they've got," he claimed. "Then, I'll go ask someone I understand in business regarding the play, as well as he might claim, 'Oh god, I don't like that.' Right now, I do not believe people have any method of judging a great deal of these homes. If you keep in mind the example I made use of in the oil as well as gas service, where you have companies trading residential properties constantly, it's because people can rely upon design.".

  Right now, a lot relies on the underlying product. Climbing area uranium rates have actually aided a lot of the uranium 'growth' business, such as Strathmore Minerals, UR-Energy, Uranerz Energy as well as Power Metals, relocate higher. Most just recently, according to TradeTech LLC, the area uranium rate got to a brand-new high at $52/pound. Much of the UNITED STATE uranium jobs ended up being economic above $30 as well as $40/pound, which provides capitalists a lot more possibility for profit. "I think I'm going to make a great deal of cash in the source sector over the coming years," Halvorson said with enjoyment in his voice. "Yet you have to be active. If you purchase high as well as simply hold, you may just get your cash back at the end of the day. If you like the market as well as trade around core positions, I assume it's going to be just one of one of the most eye-catching markets available.".

[berrypepper86]

mad about the boy

“This is where it all begins. Everything starts here, today.” - One Day by David Nicholls

This.

So much.

And so my quest to discover how, when and why I came to fall for this guy continues through this blogging malarky. Third post in and I feel like I need to lay down some facts as of right now.

No, we are not together.

Yes, there’s something there. I’m just not sure exactly what that something is - and I don’t think he’s sure either.

So I guess I need to set out the background to all of this - which I feel I should refer to as the cluster-fuck of my mind. 

We met in 2010 at work at a different store to the one I’m currently working at. We bonded over the same love of comedy, TV shows, films… not closely but enough to appreciate our shared sense of humour. After eighteen months I moved on from that store - worked temporarily in another before moving permanently to the store I’m still at eight years later. 

He completed his own management training and got his first appointed post at the same store - reunited, humour same as ever and with it he and I and a small selection of fellow managers became friends. Nights outs became a thing… along with it a secret Messenger group for us all to roast one another and let out our frustrations in a non-values led way. 

Looking back over those times, I was definitely always mad about him. I know every time he was even mentioned I’d get a big smile on my face and even when he’d do the smallest thing - like sit opposite me in the weekly manager meeting and just do that cheeky wink - I’d do the stupidest girly giggle. And I’m not even girly. 

I’ve always been what they called a tomboy for most of my childhood - preferring to live in jeans, baggy jumpers and converses. Sometimes I look back and wish I’d taken more notice of how to properly do your hair so it looks at least semi-presentable - a couple of months ago my hairdresser had cut my fringe a little too short and I went round thinking I resembled Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber for the best part of four weeks. I also wish I’d taken on more than just the basics of doing your make-up. I’ve only recently discovered the benefits of using highlighter but I’m still not sure I’m even doing that correctly. I’ve always felt comfortable being “one of the guys” but sometimes, even now when I’m asking my girl friends to help me curl my hair, I wish I did have more fashion and beauty skills so I’d feel more confident standing in front of a guy I’m crazy about.

I suppose on a plus side, he’s always known that that is what I’m like. That he’s seen me in my scruffs with my hair looking a bit like Edward Scissorhands and my make-up looking like shit. He’s seen me when I’ve had a complete irrational tantrum and he’s seen me in numerous mardy moods knowing full well that it was the wrong time of the month for me. He’s laughed at me throughout and beared the brunt of my fist as I slammed into his shoulder in response to his teasing. 

He’s seen me drunk on numerous occasions - bad singing and bad dancing, falling over and coming out with ridiculous comments that I’m embarrassed to even type. While everyone else was dressed up to the nines and I felt a little uncomfortable in my own attire knowing I didn’t look half as good as they did, I covered it up with humour.

A little bit of dancing from The Inbetweeners when THE song came on in the club, a bit of vintage disco moves and unsuccessful attempts at the Moonwalk - he was always right there beside me doing the same thing. I’d be pestering him to do The Worm - he’d get a flash of embarrassment but then laugh and say he wouldn’t do it… He did it at one work’s Christmas party though. He was walking ahead of me and suddenly just dropped down to the floor and started doing it to the delight of everyone around us. I remember screaming in shock thinking at first that he had fallen forward and was about to faceplant the floor but that scream soon turned to a cry of joy when I realised what he was actually doing. 

Sometimes, and it was a rarity, he’d break out in the first part of David Brent’s infamous dance from The Office. When I think back to how I must have looked when I joined in, I cringe with embarrassment. 

I mean, you don’t see those types of things in rom-coms do you? Girl meets Boy and they’re destined to get together by the end of the film but she doesn’t do stupid shit like that in front of him like it was perfectly normal. I always thought I was single and couldn’t find the right guy because I didn’t always behave like someone who was looking for The One - that I was too much of a tomboy for any guy to see me as anything more than a friend.

And for a while I actually felt okay with that. I have my own house with a mortgage and my own car; I live on my own on my own two feet with supportive parents not too far away. I don’t actually need a guy to live my life when I’ve been doing that already for so long. 

Now I’m thinking about him and I’m thinking “oh my god! He saw me do this and he saw me do that! Oh god and then there was that time I was a complete moron and he knows about this…!” He knows about various embarrassing things that happened to me over the years that not many people actually knew. But then the other part of me reassures that he knows me as I am… not making out I’m someone I’m not or putting on a front. 

And over the years when we went out and we had a few drinks, he’d come up every so often and whisper things to me. He’d come up behind me and squeeze my waist - would whisper that he wanted me along with various other things and I would just give him a look as he bounced away before I could respond.

My thought process was that he was just a happy drunk - that alcohol made him say things he didn’t mean and why on earth would he mean them when he had a gorgeous girlfriend at home? I still think, even with the new knowledge that he always meant it, that he would never have been unfaithful. That if it came down to it and I reciprocated he wouldn’t have one through with it. 

I never told anyone over the years that he’d do that when we went out. And we never talked about it. He never made me feel uncomfortable or violated in any way when he did do that - I’d just brush him off with a laugh and a “yeah, okay, whatever!” because it was laughable to me that he would actually mean what he was saying.

Now he tells me that he always meant everything he said over the last ten years; just shouldn’t have said them at the time because he was married/in a relationship and drink makes him say things he shouldn’t. And now he’s not married, he can say them.

But the thing is, all this isn’t simple. 

He’s getting divorced, so yes he is now single and he can admit these things to me without any consequence. The problem is where he’s at in his life - mentally as well as everything that’s going on around him.

Last summer, he changed his Facebook status to single. And when initially asked by everyone, he told us it was all amicable and I didn’t believe him.

He’s always been a closed book - never one to talk about his feelings or open up about his problems. He might let one or two things out to you if he trusts you but other than that he is completely guarded and uses humour as his defence. 

Turns out that his wife had been having an affair… and apparently this wasn’t the first time. Not having a conventional upbringing, he’s now found himself alone in the world with no family around him. He hasn’t worked at the store where I and his friends continue to work for just over two years - he completed his senior management training and was moved to his own store forty miles away from where we are. 

So although since he’s been gone we’ve had occasional night outs where we meet up, they’ve been very far and few inbetween. And so our concerns as his friends are that he doesn’t open up and he’s nowhere near for us to keep a constant look out for him. 

A few people have been constantly messaging asking how he is - they sit and they talk about it on dinner breaks; how they always knew she was a wrong’un, they always hated her and never thought he was right for her. They stalk her social media and they found the guy she was sleeping with; who she’s now in a relationship with and they bitch about her and then they moan that they message him and he doesn’t always respond to them.

I don’t join in on these conversations. They never feel right. 

I haven’t told them that we have been talking regularly since just before christmas; that our conversations have gone further than that of two people in a friendship. I haven’t told them that actually I don’t ask how he is all the time and I don’t enquire about anything to do with her or the divorce unless he tells me anything himself because I know that continually pestering him about things he doesn’t want to talk about will close him off more. 

The prediciment I’ve found myself in - this cluster-fuck - is that I’ve fallen for a guy in a way I’ve never felt for anyone in worst possible time frame. That I know isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship; whose trust issues are at an all time low and what he must be feeling right now I can’t even begin to imagine. 

I feel selfish for feeling like this. I know that I’m supposed to be patient - that his head isn’t in the right place. I know that life is going to throw a lot of ups and downs at him and that me asking “what actually are we right now?” could just close him off from me completely. That thought scares me… especially as he has been barely communicating with so many other people recently. 

This is why I need an outlet. This is my way of getting everything out so I don’t drive myself insane. 

Because I don’t know the ending of this story yet. And I want to be a supportive friend without adding any more complications to his life. Trust me to realise that I’ve been crazy about him for all these years during one hell of a complicated situation. 

The title of this blog comes from a song lyric from Ed Sheeran’s ‘Dive’

Trust Ed to hit the nail on the head in the form of a beautiful song.

[still-ambling-along]

So it's like 4 am and I don't know why but I am awake and my brain is for some ungodly reason decided that it has to /right now/ process the complete clusterfuck that was my Holy Trinity Church experience.

I'm trying to think of why during my mid to late teens I wholeheartedly craved the feeling of acceptance and love of my God and Church community, and how I basically received the complete opposite. And I put up with it. I accepted it. It was just how it was and I'd normalized it in my brain, thought what they did was a rational, understandable response to me and my queerness.

High school me had no support system. I was alone, didn't know any queer people (I did but at that point of time didn't know they were queer) and didn't know how to find any queer people. A lot of the knowledge I had about anything LGBTQIA+ was from library books and the media. Which obviously gave me a skewed and limited view of the LGBTQIA+ community. Our family didn't have broadband until midway through my last year at high school and I sure as hell wasn't going to look up what being gay meant on the school's library computers.

Overall, I did enjoy my high school experience. I liked the classes, I loved my friends and had so many crushes, holy shit I'm so gay. But back then I was constantly hiding, trying to blend in, scared that I'd be ostracized for being me. And it was exhausting. I've had depression since I was 16 and it was definitely maintained back then through my confusion, loneliness and shame of being queer along with people's responses to my queerness.

I had two Youth Leaders during my time at high school. I came out to both of them during high school. I came out to my parents at the end of my first year at university. My first youth leader was actually the first person I came out to. I was in year 11 and terrified. I'd barely accepted myself but I'd needed to tell someone, maybe if I told someone it might get better and make everything in my head less jumbled.

She told me I was going to hell.

A large part of me expected that response because of course gay people go to hell, why should I be any different? That moment, that single response to my true self, shaped my mentality for the next two years. I'd grown up in the church. I didn't want to go to hell. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be better than my queerness. And so I gave myself more to the church. I participated more during youth group. I helped with communion and morning tea. I cooked food, helped with Sunday School and genuinely tried to be a better person in the eyes of the church. If they could see that I was a good person, then maybe they could overlook my queerness. Would still accept me despite my queerness.

My relationship with God was similar. The idea that there was someone who loved all of me was nearly addictive. The church was my community but God. He was my Father. His unwavering love was worth everything. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. He created everything and everything he created was meant to be. Nothing he created was a mistake so maybe I wasn't a mistake.

I'm still not sure if I ever truly loved God or was instead infatuated with the idea of him. He seemed to be so present and in tune with the people of the church and so if i sang, gave praise and asked him to forgive me of the sin of my queerness, that was also how to have him become a presence in my life. I desperately wanted support and love and peace of mind and there were some moments when a connection with God did give me that.

I came out to my second Youth Leader in year 12. She was supportive and caring and wanted what was best for me. It took me about a year after I left the church to realize she was actually worse than my first youth leader. She was very involved with the church its community. I thought she was wonderful. I thought she was accepting. She organized and headed a partition against marriage equality, encouraging people of the church to write letters to the appropriate members of government. She consoled people when the marriage equality motion was passed. I forgave her the week afterwards.

I think it was always expected of me to become a Youth Leader or one of the Sunday School teachers. I was the obvious choice. I never did. Part of me always knew they wouldn't accept me once I came out and so I never gave any interest in anything that resembled a leadership position. If I could avoid that backlash, that scandal then by god I was not going to put myself in that situation. This was fueled by a conversation I heard between my mum and a good friend of hers. Paraphrasing, the friend's comment, it went something like "I don't think homosexuality is wrong, it's their life. But I don't think they should be teachers. That is too much responsibility over the education and influence of children. It's just not right".

Again, I thought that was a reasonable opinion and so I never did teach children at church.

I came out to everyone in September of my first year at university. I'd told my closet friends throughout that year, I'd come out to Ivy at some point of time in high school, coming out to my parents was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done and I used social media to come out to everyone else. Sometime later on, Mum told me that the Sunday after I came out, everyone at church seemed concerned for her, asking if she was okay and if she wanted to talk she could always talk to them. People were more cold with me, didn't look as happy to talk to me or frankly ignored me. Suddenly I wasn't the same kid who they had known since I was 5.

The final nail in the coffin was Easter Camp in my second year of university. By then I'd caught on that all of the above was not okay and I needed to Get Out. The camp itself was very meditative and helped put things in perspective. Things that were Not Okay included: -Having to have my own tent because obviously I couldn't be trusted to sleep in the same space of any gender -Having the confirmation that I should not be entrusted into any leadership position -Being told that they'll pray for me, because obviously if they pray enough, I'll not be gay anymore -The camp leaders having conversations through bible verses, obviously talking about me but trying to be stealthy about it

All of those decisions and situations involved my youth leader.

In the end, the way I stopped and put myself in a healthier situation was with me leaving the church. It's probably the best decision I've ever made.

[theriteofdance-blog]

Ka • Cirque du Soleil

Performance Details:

March 18, 2017 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada. 

The experience for the performance of Ka really starts from the moment you begin lining up to enter the theatre. The men and women who work there by keeping the lines in order and checking tickets take on personas and characters that vary drastically. My personal encounters involved a rather buff and stoic-looking man who barked hilariously specific orders to those who were trying to figure out where the lines of entry were, and a greying man with a walking stick who was friendly but entirely kooky in his conversational topics (Which ranged from pointing out baldness in males who were waiting in the same line as myself to the history of helicopters and their resemblance to dragonflies). Each comment got a chorus of good-natured chuckles from those of us waiting in the line, and while at first it can be confusing, it became clear that these were not just workers. They were very good at acting and initiating conversation in their character’s mindset. 

Like I said, it becomes a performance experience almost as soon as you walk into the theatre lobby. 

Inside the actual theatre, the stage is staggering in its design and construction. It really makes your mouth gape in awe, and wonder what sort of show is about to unfold. Several people behind me, when I turned around, had stopped entirely in the middle of the walkway inside the theatre to openly marvel at the stage extensions that ran above our heads. As the show would progress, the magnitude of the staging would continually prove to be awe-inspiring. I think that this is one of the most prominent factors of the show itself, acrobatic amazing-ness aside. With rotating stage floors that spin and rearrange itself to provide a tilted or completely vertical position, it makes the actions of the performers atop it even more impressive. The skill necessary to flip, run, fall, twirl, jump, and fling off of a moving, tilted, or completely vertical stage is not something that many dancers (like myself) can even imagine doing. 

Returning to the performance, the show is described as being “the story of the coming of age of a young man and a young woman and their encounters with love, conflict and the duality of Ka”. The storyline is revealed throughout the performance, and it is done fairly well. The story is told in parts, where a scene will cut and the staging will switch around to move to a different character much like a book written in sequence through various points of view. 

A short summary of the story’s plot: A brother and sister seem to celebrate (the occasion seems unclear, were it not for the booming narrative voice that opens the show, declaring the occasion as being the twins’ coming of age celebration) in the midst of a great gathering of individuals. The position of everyone else in relation to the twins suggests to the audience that the twins are royalty. They are happy and carefree, until a band of hostile enemies appear and decimate the mood of festiveness. In the fight that ensues, the parents of the royal twins are killed. Despite trying to escape via boat together with their court, the twins themselves are separated; the male twin falls off the boat and is saved by the court jester, and the female twin with the caretaker and two male court valets wash up on the shoreline of a beach after the boat sinks. The twins each face their own set of challenges and build up experiences (including falling in love) that test their determination which culminates in an eventual reunion between brother and sister and a final battle against the enemies that threaten them and their loved ones. 

There is no spoken component to the storyline, though the performers do speak in what is assumed to be a made-up language when dialogue comes about. The real communication comes from the body gestures and facial expressions. We don’t know what the female twin is saying, but we can see her curious expression and careful steps forward toward the unfamiliar terrain she’s been exposed to. 

The costuming for this production was complex, and at times I felt that the design of some of the costumes could have been done differently so that the movements of the performers could be more clearly identified, specifically in the case of the performers who were supposed to be royalty or royal court members. Sometimes, for instance, the leg-tucked-into-chest flips that performers executed were almost hard to follow and appreciate because the costume would be too long and the only visible thing moving through the air were folds of fabric. 

I appreciated the stark difference in costuming between the royalty and royal court from the enemies because it made it simple to understand who was part of which side. A point I have to make because there have been shows in the past where strong distinctions were not made and the audience was constantly in a state of confusion trying to identify who was who when they could have been focusing on the movement and story. In all, however, the costumes were imagery-inspiring and certainly drew in the eye. My personal favorite was the Firefly Boy in his glitzy and sparkly nude body suit - who I like to refer to as the “glitzy Tarzan”.  

The show had an astounding musical score. In intense moments of complex choreographed fighting or thrashing aboard moving stage sets, the music was positively engulfing and prompted an almost physical reaction in my own heart to feel each deep drum strike or buzz with the enchanting male choral chanting. I admit, the more dramatic music was my favorite and I loved it so much that I absolutely had to buy a CD of the soundtrack as soon as I left the Ka theatre. 

Interestingly enough, the whole production seemed to me to gain much of its influence visually from the Eastern world. The Dragon that roared at the interest was sculpted and painted in much the same way one would see them portrayed in Chinese artwork, the face paint and mask design on many of the performers seemed to draw off of the art style of the Japanese, the royal costuming was reminiscent of robes worn by Eastern royalty, and the use of the little instrument by the main villain at the very start of the show to assumedly signal the beginning of the show had such a strong resemblance to Buddhist practice. Because of all this, I wondered if the title of the show ‘Ka’ was to highlight the theme of family in the show since the Cantonese word for family is Ka (家庭). 

The performers of this amazing show were brilliant, and can certainly be considered masters of their art. The aerial acrobats were a personal favorite, especially the scene in which the Sister Twin and Firefly Boy soared high above the stage together, landing gently on solid stage flooring to be playful and flirt innocently only to wow the crowd by flying up and over the audience. It was a scene that left the audience captivated, heads following the progress of the two contorting bodies through the air and gasping collectively when the Sister Twin latched on with her feet to the Firefly Boy dangling without holding on with arms or hands above the crowd. 

Another stand out scene, amongst the many that existed, was the ship scene in which the ship convincingly rocked to and fro violently in the midst of a stage actively lit to appear like a thunderstorm. It was about mid-scene that I realized that the ship was not moving mechanically, at least not completely, because it was being rocked by the weight of performers at each end of the ship like a giant see-saw. The job that these performers had almost slid past my radar since their ability to act and move the boat at the same time made me believe they were just as frenzied as all the other performers were. It truly was a spectacle, and one I will never forget. 

The production of Ka at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas is without a doubt a must-see event! It will thrill you, make you laugh, keep your level of alertness always at the max, and it will not leave you disappointed or underwhelmed. If you are a dancer like myself, the show will make you wish you could train harder so that one day you can join the world of Cirque Du Soleil and dazzle the audience the same way you were dazzled the night you stepped into the Ka Theatre. 

-Patricia Hernandez