#but she can't even fully process that in this situation. She thinks she's going to die.

[jays-therapist]

I'm gonna be soooo fucking insane when I finally get to see Izumo's arc animated. Literally never gonna shut up about it. Dicing up every frame like they're nice tasty meals for my eyes to feast on. THE MOMENT i get THIS SCENE in motion--

--I will ascend past this mortal body, into a higher plane of existence. Gonna post ten rants about it each day and none of them will be coherent. God. Fuck.

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Hi. Hello. Is it too much to ask for people getting onto the interstate to stay in their FUCKING LANE while merging? Yes, I realize there are two lanes getting on this particular ramp. You cannot occupy both at once, because then I have the option of hitting you or hitting a fucking concrete wall, and you bet your ass that I'll cut in front of you going 80 and slam into a dead stop in front of you.

Thanks.

-this post is brought to you by Leon's roadrage

[alisblackgf]

okok hear me out.... yk the scene in s1 where the old guy (mr han i think) hugs hyun su and hyun su basically kills him with his monster wing thing what if reader took mr hans place and hyun su killed reader, but then reader comes back as a neohuman and they reunite in s2 (i hope this made sense pls im bad at explaining)

someone cooked here. LMAO anon you're a genius

rememberance

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: cha hyun-su x gn!reader

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: hurt/comfort(?)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you died by his hands, and he never forgave himself for it. that was until he saw you standing alive and well in front of him.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: i didn't know if i wanted to make it an established relationship or not, so that's up to you! also when i finished this i thought it was way longer than it actually was. hopefully you still enjoy it!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mentions of death, blood, basically anything you'd see in sweet home

"it's not your fault."

your voice echoed in his mind continuously. part of him wishes he could forget, the other part of him wishes it'd stay forever.

he remembered the way your arms wrapped around him, even when your skin was pierced by his wing.

"it's not your fault," you whispered, your grasp slightly loosening due to your injuries. you could feel yourself slipping away.

you used your final breaths to reassure him, relief taking over your features when his wing turned back into his arm, and the pure blackness of his eyes returned to the eyes you'd stare into with adoration.

once he fully processed the situation, he held you tightly and cried into you. you held him back for as long as you could, and once he felt your arms let him go, he cried harder.

he remembered how your lifeless body felt. the weight of you was still there, but everything else that made you you was gone.

it had been a year since it happened. he thought it'd get better with time, but it hadn't. he catches himself thinking about you more often than he should, but he can't—he won't—let himself forget you.

he didn't think that his determination to keep your memory alive would lead to hallucinations of you. was he hallucinating?

eun-yu stood next to him, and upon seeing you, she ran up to you and hugged you. you hugged her back and gave her a soft smile. she pulled away, and your gaze landed on him.

he definitely wasn't hallucinating.

he looked different than when you last saw him. his hair grew out a bit more, and you observed his shirt.

it looked cut up, and you could only assume it was from his wing. the same one that "killed" you. you winced at the memory, convinced you could almost feel the tears in your skin again.

you had changed, too, though. your hair was different, more suitable to the outbreak of monsters, and your choice of clothing was, too. it's not something he expected you to wear, but it looked good on you.

he walked towards you and you stood before him, unmoving, just as shocked as he was.

"hyun-su?" you reached out to touch his face, and once he felt your touch, he gave a shaky sigh and tears began to fall.

you wiped his tears and gently shushed him, pulling him into an embrace. he buried his face into your neck, mumbling apologies.

"i'm sorry," he cried into you, just like he did when your pierced skin leaked blood onto him.

"i know. it wasn't your fault." you held him tight, expressing that your grasp wouldn't falter this time, and you let him stay in your arms as long as he needed to, because this time, you weren't going anywhere.

[possiblylando]

Chainsaw Man 168 Early Analysis

Okay so- I'm going to start with something pretty important translation wise. Viz as usual did not translate things very well.

Keep this in mind because it changes this whole scene's meaning. [Edit Start] Bit of a further correction since the phrasing is further complicated.

Some important updated context that fleshes out Asa's mental state further. [Edit End]

This whole fucking section is sickening not just because this is Denji again being sexually abused and then tossed aside as he has been since chapter 1, but because this is a near exact parallel to Makima and her treatment of Denji. Denji and Asa don't even seem able to process the handjob and instead go to the kiss. Remember Denji's first 'kiss' was from Makima. She framed it as an act of love and then ripped all that away by the end of part 1. Yet again Denji is kissed and his reaction is to want to know if she actually loves him or is just using him like Makima did. I doubt he's specifically thinking about Makima in this scene but you can see how deep the scars have been ingrained in his psyche. Similarly fucked is Asa's reaction to this because she's just as much a victim in all of his as Denji is.

Asa is able to control her body just enough to start beating the shit out of Yoru. It's a pretty fucked parallel to self harm inflicted by victims of sexual assault. Asa obviously has a lot of mental issues and in this moment she's unable to fully process the fact she's also a victim in this situation. She instead pivots to the idea that she's just as much of a perpetrator as Yoru is.

The thousand yard stare kinda has two different meanings in this end bit as well. For Denji its showing his inability to fully process things. We've seen before he goes straight to self harm to get his mind of things but since he can't turn into chainsaw man in this instance he has nothing. So he resorts to his other terrible coping mechanism; He freezes. Whenever something traumatic happens to him he near completely freezes up until someone snaps him out of it. As for Asa it seems to be because she's stuck in her own head spiraling. I doubt she'll be able to recognize the fucked up complexities of the situation anytime soon, so her mental state is just going to continue to get worse.

[aingeal98]

The thing about Cass is that the law holds very little value to her sense of right and wrong compared to Bruce. She's like oh the government thinks this man should die? Let's break into the execution chamber and break him out. Tim wants to call the police? That's stupid when I can just keep fighting bad guys until I get the answers I need. A assassin hesitates before killing a kid? Projection levels firing high today let's break into the CIA baby.

But then you bring up the one area of life where there are no easy feelings, where everything is complicated and it hurts: Her childhood with David Cain. He shot her for fun and she loves him and he loves her and showed her stars and constellations as a kid and he made her kill a man. And no one will understand that for the longest time the only part of her childhood that felt clearly deep bad wrong was the kill. The rest of it was... Not fine but something she misses sometimes. And no one else will ever understand why because it doesn't make sense to anyone except Cass.

So you bring 17/18 y/o Cass a case of child abuse, especially one that's not as clear cut as physically violent parent, where the father is a good man but a criminal by law, and the mother is cold, neglectful and uncaring, and that's the one time where Cass will rely on the law. David Cain is a bad man because he made her kill. He loved her but he was a bad father because he made her a criminal. Cass sees this man who is a thief (neutral to Cass, bad to the law) who loves his daughter, and her projection levels go through the roof. Yes the woman is abusive but Cass hasn't processed her own abuse. David is bad because he's a criminal not because he hurt her. She can't make the decision who the good parent is. She can't even decide how she feels about her own father.

Except it's not true, she does make the decision. On a different day, one where Cass was not reeling from the revelation of David cain being her biological father, she might very well choose not to let the man get arrested, to help him with his daughter. The law is something Cass falls back on only when her sense of purpose is in disarray. Twice we see her falter, when she let's the father get arrested and earlier in another issue when she puts the man back on death row. Both cases she projects hard, on the death row killer and on the daughter of the thief. Both times she ends the story miserable and with a deep sense of wrongness. She followed the law, she followed their version of justice.

And her gut tells her that this is not right. This is not how things should be.

Cass believes in herself. Cass believes in gut instinct for right and wrong.

Cass believes that she is an evil murderer, not someone who can ever fully belong with the actual heroes. There is something rotten inside of her, and when the situation is too similar, when she's reminded that she was raised to be a killer, a weapon who can never truly be good, just desperately trying to prove herself while feeling she never can...

Cass deferres to the law. And she hates every second of it almost as much as she hates herself.

[triviallytrue]

I see the benefit in “was able to follow along each step and check for myself that the stated claim was true” but I’ve also seen people say the private vetting process can include things like “had a phone call with them where they fluently spoke the Palestinian dialect of Arabic” that can’t be checked by everyone, or “privately showed me their ID/birth certificate/bank info/official documents”, which probably shouldn’t be publicized. if these sorts of things (which seem fairly reliable if true) are indeed being involved in the process in at least some cases, how do you think people should vouch for that beyond a “trust me it’s vetted” without further clarification, or is it impossible to do so from your perspective since they could just lie?

so my suggested solution to these would be:

post a recording of the phone call, so that other Palestinian Arabic speakers can also attest that it's true

post redacted, watermarked versions of official documents

but you're getting at a very big problem: it takes a lot of information to vet people. the post i reblogged was only able to vet that one fundraiser because she's a PhD with a linkedin, instagram, tiktok, and pictures of her on a scientific organization's website. most people won't have that.

at a certain point, it also becomes a nightmare for the vetters (all or almost all of whom i suspect are just people trying their best in a horrific situation). if it takes an hour (or more) to fully vet one single gofundme, there are a single digit or low double digit number speakers of Palestinian Arabic on here with blog histories that stretch back before October 7th with the ability to vet people, and hundreds of gofundmes... well, you do the math.

this is the kind of work that is normally done by people who are paid to do it full-time, in a centralized fashion, not ad-hoc on the internet. amateurs are going to make mistakes - i've seen blogs successfully filtering out unsophisticated scammers, but this current discourse has already rooted out at least 3 scammers who made it onto the vetted lists. it's asymmetric - scammers can do this full time, hone their methods, figure out what exposed them last time and fix it, and overall iteratively improve the credibility of their scams, but vetters can't really keep raising the standards with the time and resources they have access to.

so unless we make the standards so high that they exclude many actual Palestinians (standards like the ones used in that ask), i think there will be some risk of even vetted fundraisers being scams. how big? 1%? 5%? 10%? i don't know, but it's definitely nonzero, and based on the uncovered scams so far, they are diverting thousands of dollars (possibly tens or hundreds of thousands) away from actual Palestinians.

which is why i think people should just donate to the UNRWA. there's a 100% chance your money will go to helping real Palestinians, and while it won't be as impactful for an individual as getting them across the Rafah crossing, that's only an option for a very small percentage of Palestinians anyway. as said before, there are 800,000 Palestinians in Rafah, something like 500 of which cross each day. those that can't cross and the Palestinians in other parts of Gaza deserve aid as well. people are at risk of starvation and have very limited access to medical care. donation to the UNRWA and organizations like it doesn't free anyone, but it does keep them alive, and the money doesn't end up in the pockets of corrupt Egyptian border officials who will wring every penny they can out of Palestinian refugees.

people are, of course, welcome to do whatever they want with their money, but those are my 2 cents.

[brekkie-e]

I need more people talking about how the ideal thematic party is Wyll, Karlach, and Astarion. All three bound in the shackles of servitude in some capacity, all three in some stage of being sold to hell.

Karlach and Astarion being two sides of the same coin. Years of servitude, physical and emotional torment, and rage under their belt. Nothing but the burning desire for revenge and the desperate ache to live flowing through their veins. They're both drunk on freedom and life. They get the other person, despite responding to their new found freedom in completely opposite ways. You can see it in their banter though. They get it. There is not a lot of judgement between them. If Karlach needs to laugh hysterically because she's here on the material plane, walking in the sun, and just can't believe it? Astarion can't even bring himself to judge.

But Wyll? Wyll is careening towards joining them in their suffering. He's got one foot in the door. He already knows a little of the pain that comes with being on the end of a leash, but he has only just begun to fully feel the consequences he is destined to face. The thing about Wyll though is he's desperate to save everyone but himself. He's quick to back Karlach and Astarion in their fights against their tormentors. But when it comes down to it he's fairly passive in his quest to free himself of Mizzora. Atleast in my experience, it fell to Tav to capitalize on oppurtunities to out think her. It fell to Tav to push him to TRY. That's not a critique on Wyll, but when you put that thematically next to Karlach and Astarion who are near feral in their desperation for freedom- it is really interesting. And it's easy to imagine the two of them becoming determined to ensure he doesn't fall victim to the same fates they did. He's trying to save them, while they're trying to save him.

Or, countering my own point, imagine how frustrating that would be for Karlach and Astarion. Knowing that this great guy, this larger than life hero who always has a silly pun and a dashing smile on hand- doesn’t seem to understand the gravity of his situation. He’s still smiling. He’s still soldiering on as though nothing is wrong. He’s not taking the initiative to escape it, and he’s not coming up with any possible solution. He’s content to keep spending his time helping people and putting them before his own needs. Now, Wyll isn’t necessarily as fine as he seems. He’s by no means ignorant of or unafraid of the fate that awaits him. But he puts on a good front, with that big old Charisma modifier of his. And I imagine that could easily drive Astarion and Karlach mad.

That’s without going in to the fact that Astarion has an infernal pact carved on his back, and will be sold to hell as well if he doesn’t find a solution. And he hits the ground running the moment he finds out. He is not about to let that happen, and goes to great lengths to find out how to fix the situation. So there is a contrast with Astarion and Wyll not only in their reaction to their own tormenter’s, but with their goal of evading hell.

Because of how each of these guys’ situation is so closely related to their own, I think many moments would arise of stepping on each other’s toes while processing their trauma. Karlach and Astarion know better than most what Wyll is going to go through if he doesn’t take this seriously, and he makes PUNS? If they could go back to the day before their lives changed forever, they would do everything possible to make sure it never happened. They didn’t get a warning. He has his written on paper. In glowing ink. There could be so many incredible arguments between these three because personality wise- more often than not it would be Karlach and Wyll agreeing. Which would make the moments Karlach ends up siding with Astarion because Wyll made light of something at the wrong time all the more poignant. Karlach and Astarion agreeing on something and being a united front trying to drag Wyll to action would be such a powerful scene.

It becomes even more fun when you consider their personalities. Wyll and Karlach being the indisputably kindest characters of the group, but being so narratively tied to the one who is morally bankrupt. When someone is altruistically good and helps people for no reason Astarion usually gets frustrated with the fact they don’t understand how cruel the world is. He doesn’t do that with Karlach. He can’t do that with Karlach. Because she’s him. She’s the part of him who rages and screams and let’s every swear word fly and embraces how much hurt she is carrying and how entirely unfair it is. He sees that in her and I think some part of him is validated by it. So when she is unbearably kind and refuses to believe that there’s no good left in the world, who is he to tell her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She has just as much baggage to back her up as he does. He just walks off and let’s her have it in most of the banter I’ve heard. The flip side, he validates her own need for vengeance and doesn’t let her feel like a bad person for enjoying taking her anger out. She deserves it after everything that’s been taken from her.

Wyll is a similar situation. He is a constant example of the goodness of humanity. A reminder that it is more important to remain true to oneself even at the expense of power or comfort. He stays true to himself, and is forced to abandon his home. He stays true to himself, and is forced to endure a form that is foreign to him. He stays true to himself, and forsakes the safety of the material plane. In the process, he sacrifices the powers of his pact. He willingly gives up the position of Grand Duke so that he can be the tool for good that he thinks the world needs. Of course, a million points can also be made about all that he’s willing to sacrifice if you go the route of maintaining his pact- but I’m working off of what I personally saw play out, which was destroy the pact but save the Grand Duke.

Wyll’s personality playing off Astarion’s selfishness is so interesting. The first things Astarion reaches for in every situation are power and comfort. Silk sheets, a good wine, unholy ascension- whatever the whim of the day is. Being forced into the company of someone who constantly reminds him there is a vastly different approach to life would both be frustrating and eye opening. Especially when that example is backed up by Karlach whom Astarion can’t help but respect and find oddly comforting. Vice versa, as Wyll is an example of selflessness to Astarion, he is an example of selfishness to Wyll. Where Wyll and Karlach drag Astarion kicking and screaming towards recovery, he might have his own soft moments of begging Wyll to put himself first. Just once. Being selfish about your needs does not make you a bad person. A dynamic made even better by Karlach being the background example that being unapologetic about your needs is okay. All of these little elements play off each other so well.

Now how do these guys come through for Karlach? Stability. Which is a word I NEVER thought to use in reference to Astarion before. But I’m serious. Day one of freedom for him? Where is his mind? Completely focused on how to make sure it lasts. How does he secure the situation. How does he make himself safe permanently? He is a self proclaimed ideas man, not much of a planner. And yet, he IS coming up with ideas. He is thinking ahead about the future, and planning to take every chance he can to secure his freedom. Karlach is living in the moment, taking each day as a blessing and not letting fears of the future hold her back. And she deserves that. But it’s good for her to have someone pulling her back to earth and reminding her to do more than live in the moment when it comes to the big things. I’m serious, if they all three put their heads together and worked as a team not only would they be able to accomplish anything- the found family potential is absolutely limitless.

So- long story short. I personally find them to be the most satisfying and interesting party dynamic you can play with. It’s rewarding on a lot of levels, and also has some of the best friendship dialogues in the game. Which I’ve noticed there just isn’t a lot of friend-centric commentary or scenes in the base game, but this party does seem to get more than other’s I’ve worked with. I think that’s a larger issue than just which party build you run with, but I do enjoy that you can get a satisfying found family feel with this crew. Of course, romancing them as eachother also works pretty well too- the dynamics are just as good for that. Personally, I enjoy romancing Astarion and then keeping Karlach and Wyll as besties, but there’s a lot of ways you can run with it.

[fruitsofhell]

Something I really like about Rose Quartz's characterization is how dedicated the writers were to making what she did morally grey. Idk it would have been really easy for the twist to be she was Just Evil, especially learning she was related to the main villains, but no they created this very vague character who even in her appearances feels mysterious. If anything Rose is the one thing that is less clear to me after my rewatch, because now seeing the nuance in her character pulls me out of a black-ane-white view of her and into one that is just... foggy.

But a vibe I do get from Rose, is that despite clearly being incredibly compassionate, she's someone who lacks empathy in the case of the ability to fully realize others' autonomy and thought processes. There's just a lot of decisions she makes that feel aloof in an odd way, and when combined with how childish she can be it can give the impression she sees everything as a game. But it's still clear that she cares and is genuinely moved by the Earth, and when her entire truth is revealed you can see how ideologically honest she was. Even if it feels like her beliefs are just so she can have fun, but that is part of freedom, the freedom to vibe and explore and do silly things she couldn't.

That attitude clearly just comes from her position as Pink Diamond. It was an oppressive role emotionally, but not as literally oppressive as the lives of those around her. I think her relationship with Pearl is where I find the most of the part of me that sees her as compassionate but unempathetic. Pink can't fathom what it's like to have been born to be an obedient servant and how that would cloud Pearl's judgement. How telling her "I'm going to fight for this world but you dont have to" would mean nothing to her because she is still obsessed with her, how entering a romantic relationship with something while they're still effectively your servant is unhealthy, or how spending her life flirting with other men would probably tear your servant-to-lover-to-ex up inside lmao. With the first she obviously meant to be giving her a choice because she cares about Pearl, but she can't understand how to truly give Pearl freedom of choice she can't treat her like a fully freethinking person. With the second she doesn't understand how her power has an unhealthy impact on her bond with Pearl. And with the last it's not at all that Rose isn't allowed to move on, but I just always found she has a lack of awareness of Pearl's jealousy and misery that's a bit inappropriate. Not that you can't assume she has already let Pearl down easy or cares about her coping, but it's never shown, which feels like a deliberate choice.

I'm working on a more organized theory about Rose's characterization, but it is deeply fascinating. Her and Pearl's relationship is as well, I feel like it's sometimes characterized as just a mean jealous ex situation but like it's way more fucked than that, and is a great exploration of power dynamics, obsession, and grief. Love me some toxic doomed yuri.

[sunshine-jesse]

The Incest End is Not The Bad End, Part 2: The Sane Ending Is Still A Bad Ending

In the first essay I wanted to deconstruct the idea that Ashley was the sole perpetrator of abuse. I wanted to take a look at how unhealthy their dynamic actually was and lay out clear indications that Ashley could, at the very least, fix her own problems, and wasn't a lost cause. I also wanted to show that them ending up together, be it romantically, in death, or even platonically (although I'm not convinced the Sane Burial ending can lead to that) was inevitable.

Here, however, I want to make a more difficult argument: That their relationship turning romantic is not just Not That Bad, but actually Good, at least in the context of what's best for the two of them in the long run. And to do that, I'm going to draw comparisons to the common narrative that it's the bad ending, again. I think it's the easiest way to explain my points, even though it might make me seem like I'm being contrarian or playing the Devil's Advocate.

But I'm not. I actually do think this is the only way they can heal. Why?

WELL.

My biggest driving factor for this belief is and always has been the difference in tone between the two endings. The 'correct' ending under conventional understandings of morality and relationships would be one where he breaks away from Ashley, but the only ending in which that's shown to be possible is the Decay ending. In the ending where Ashley has bullets in the gun (and therefore has control over the situation), she has to yield control over the situation to Andrew, and (going off the reading I established in the last essay) he understands and accepts just how much their dynamic means to him and how important Ashley really is to him.

In a sense, he self-actualizes in the same way he does in the Burial ending: Ashley yields control where it matters the most in both, resulting in him he fully understanding and accepting himself and what he wants, because Ashley's controlling nature no longer prevents him from seeing the truth. Ashley no longer casts a shadow that allows him to be blind to his true nature- his true desires.

In the Burial ending, he wants her either romantically and sexually (in the questionable ending) or as a friend (in the sane one). He lets go of his own need to control her, and accepts the fact that he was never better than her to begin with. In the Gun!Decay ending, he wants her dead. The damage has been done. Whatever final line was crossed made him realize that he can't control Ashley, and a world in which she cannot be controlled is one better off without her.

But in both, he can't live without her.

The tone of the Decay ending is tense. It's dismal. It's emotionally ravaging. Andrew is not acting like someone who wants to break free, he's acting like someone who has given up. He's angry and he's suicidal, but he no longer has any reservations about making intimate physical contact with Ashley.

…and Ashley looks terrified and sad, especially in the last screenshot, which gives off some seriously dark implications about what Andrew might do to her in the Decay route.

He's given up on healing. He's given up on being normal. His heart and his mind both Decay as he's dragged along by an Ashley who's doing whatever she can to try to not allow a murder-suicide to happen and only making it worse in the process, because SHE has no foundation through which to improve or change her perspective on the world, either (more on that below).

In the NoGun!Decay ending, we don't know what he does after. He fails to self-actualize because Ashley never yields that need for control, and he follows the same pattern he always does of resorting to violence the moment he thinks he's losing control. I highly doubt that the ending would be much different- he'd probably just mirror Ashley's reaction of violently kicking the body at first, but he probably wouldn't last long after. Both, in an attempt to regain control or save their own lives, feel temporary relief at the death of the other, because they no longer feel trapped and afraid of what will happen if they leave.

But they also both fail to come into their own as people. Their dynamic- of Ashley being the morally bankrupt one willing to do anything to further their own survival, and Andrew being the one who's careful and calculating and preventing her short-sightedness from causing unintentional consequences- was the only thing that allowed them to survive in the first chapter, and more than likely the second (we don't see the consequences of them not having the trinket's power in ep2 so it's impossible to say for sure). If they don't kill themselves after losing the other and failing to self-actualize, it's almost certain that the world will eat them alive. They're outlaws, on the run, and have nobody to lean on but themselves. Without each other to lean on, it's only a matter of time until they fall.

So. The Decay ending is very obviously bad. There is no freedom to be had from them breaking away from the other; only despair and death. There's catharsis to be had in miserable people meeting a miserable end, sure, but the story goes out of its way to show us that the path to that end will be miserable and unfun and horrifying with the only joy to be derived from it coming from pure schadenfreude. But the story itself makes it clear that this is not intended to be a happy ending and thinking of it as such means you're fundamentally incompatible with what it's trying to convey. It's just a horrifying tragedy of two people who never gave each other what they needed to heal and tore down everything around them in the process.

So, how is the Burial ending better?

The lighter tone is immediately obvious. Ashley trusts Andrew to believe in her, and Andrew goes up to bat for Ashley even in the face of an arguably superficial offer to improve his life; to start it anew. The two just generally have a good time together afterwards, joking around, having fun, and ribbing on each other in a way that comes off as playful rather than hurtful. Andrew, finally, makes progress towards -healing,- because he finally stopped lying to himself about how important Ashley is to him. Why do I think it's a sign of healing, exactly?

Because Andrew, for the first time in the story, is comfortable with what he's doing.

He's comfortable with dismembering their parents. He's rarely tense, hesitates much less, and comforts Ashley instead of just seeking comfort from her. He gives more than just temporary emotional validation; a lot more. So much more, in fact, that it makes ASHLEY uncomfortable. She has difficulty processing not having their push and pull dynamic. She thinks something is off, something is wrong, because she's never seen Andrew so comfortable around her before, or at least lacking reservations in showing that comfort.

She still thinks about the idea of controlling him, of trying to get him to stay. There's internal monologue about it. But that's the difference. Before, we rarely see any internal monologue of her thought patterns- she just acts. Not thinks. But here, she's unsure. Here, she has to look inward. She has to self-reflect. She still frames it as her trying to keep Andy around, but Andrew is making it obvious in both words and actions that he will always be there for her, and he's so COMFORTABLE about it.

Regardless of what her actions in episode 3 end up being, it's still clear to me that the foundation for her to heal is there. She's safe, because she has a warm, comfortable place to return to while she figures herself out.

"So," you might be asking, "doesn't this imply that she'll heal no matter what? Doesn't that make incest technically unnecessary?"

Yes and no. Yes, in the fact that we still see a marked improvement in their dynamic in the Refusal path.

No, in that the Sane ending's tone is still much different.

After the dream sequence, Andrew reveals that he never fell asleep. He never sees that vision. He still self-actualizes to some degree, probably, but he never has his desires laid so bare for him because he doesn't dream. But you have to place sunlight on the left side to see this, so it still leads me to believe that they still grasp the importance of their relationship in that ending. It's just that…

I don't think that they ever, truly heal. I think that they just grow distant. I'll elaborate on what I think that means later down the line.

In the Sane ending, they have much less fun with each other. They don't playfully rib on each other as much- the eulogy in particular seems more spiteful than playful- and they're much less physically affectionate towards each other. It's not dismal. It's not dark or depressing. It's not tense. It's just… there. It's boring. Nothing has changed, and neither has Andrew, which Ashley views him not sleeping as a sign of.

But in the Questionable ending, he -does- sleep.

So what does sleep mean here? It means he can't sleep if he feels he's missing something. It means something is lacking in his life. Something is missing. Is it Ashley's affection? Well, yes, but also not just that. Ashley is just a representation of what he needs: Comfort. Someone to rely on. Someone he know won't leave him. I believe they have the same needs, and those needs just manifest differently. Andrew never had to worry about Ashley leaving him because Ashley was so obsessive that she managed to fill in the all-consuming void that mental illness creates.

But I think in the Sane ending, he starts to doubt that. In the Sane ending, he starts to shake his desire for Ashley. Which is great, right? It means they can finally go down a more conventional, safe path and have a relationship that's societally acceptable. The safe, boring ending that normies would enjoy.

But the fact that he doesn't sleep means that, even if he shakes that desire, he can't shake the need for what she provides.

Because he never sees the vision, he never gets that confirmation that he can pursue a more physically affectionate relationship with Ashley, and given that physical affection is a huge part of the equation for making him feel comfortable and happy (see: the couch scene, where he's the happiest he is in the whole game before the Burial route), he never truly believes he can seek it from her. He never gets it from the one person he trusts to always be around. He never gets that final affirmation that it's okay to be with the one person who has always mattered to him the most, and always will.

If we're to take the scenes at the end of episode 2 as metaphors for what will happen- or has to happen- for the siblings to get the best outcome for their well being (even at the expense of others), then the Questionable route involves Ashley loosening her grip on Andrew and having him naturally fill in the roles she wanted him to all along. But in the Sane route, Ashley bottles up every soul see shes, aside from what's commonly assumed to be Andrew's, who she is uncharacteristically cavalier about letting go.

She's still the same. She still wants to entrap people, and never let them go. She just happens to no longer want to do it to Andrew. She never fundamentally changes. And Andrew?

His soul has nothing to say. It's pitch black. It almost looks demonic, having literally the same color scheme as the Entity and Lord Unknown. If it's already demonic, then it stands to reason that a demon wouldn't want it, because it's just more of the same. Nothing special, nothing they would want, nothing that would be useful to them. In other words… just like Ashley?

He has- or will have- a tar soul.

And what does tar do?

It sticks.

It's the Sane path to take because it involves them conforming to societal expectations. It involves them fitting in, acting as they should, and doing what's expected of them without much fuss. But in the world they're in, they're expected to harm everyone around them. To kill or be killed, eat or be eaten. To never become themselves, and never be truly happy. To never ask questions.

And they'll do all of that, whether they stick together or not. The only difference is how many people they stand to hurt, and whether they're truly happy at the end of it all.

There's a reason the souls of one of the parents- commonly thought to be Mrs. Graves- was unhatched. She probably wanted to love her children. Even Ashley. She just never did, because the world never let her be herself. She never became whole, because it would've resulted in her being too dark to fit into society. But the siblings have a chance to do so. They have a chance to truly focus on each other so they can heal and become better, happier, more complete people in a world that's doing everything it can to incentivize otherwise.

It's just a bit unfortunate for some that Andrew has to fill a hole to become whole.

[alcorian-cycle]

So, I just want to say something real quick about Wilbur Soot and the expectation fans have of all his friends to come out and immediately make statements and drop him. I particularly want to talk about Tommy because i see parallels between his relationship with Wilbur and my relationship with an adult who made me feel responsible for his wellbeing. I am not saying that their relationship is like this, just that based on what we've seen it could be, and we should be prepared to be empathetic and understanding to Tommy in case it is like this.

So some background. Starting at 13 or 14, I had a friend in his thirties who made me feel responsible for his mental health. I won't go into great detail, but I was constantly reassuring him and trying to keep him from killing himself, which was something he gave me multiple scares about. He would disappear and not respond to messages for days or weeks after posting suicide notes on his tumblr... but he was fine every time, just stepping away. Still, it scared me every time, and I felt like I hadn't been doing a good enough job helping him be happy.

I was friends with him from 13 to 16 and I felt responsible not just for his happiness, but his life.

It was so difficult to end that friendship that it took him blocking me multiple times before i could accept that he wasn't my responsibility anymore.

I defended him, let him get away with shit, let him have way more power over my life and beliefs and relationships than he should have. Because i was so toxically attached to him and believed what he told me, I seriously hurt my best friend in the whole world and I will never be able to fully express how sorry I am for it.

I'm saying this because there is evidence that Wilbur and Tommy's relationship contains similar dynamics. Wilbur has said that he relies on Tommy for his mental health. They met when Tommy was, what, 15? That's not healthy. Wilbur is an adult. I've also heard that Tommy has had to talk Wilbur down from suicide. This is extremely similar to what I experienced, and as much as it discomforts me to be seriously speculating about two ccs' relationship off-camera, I can't help but see the strong similarities to my story.

And Shelby's story corroborates this kind of behavior from Wilbur. She also was made to feel like Wilbur relied on her. For Shelby it was about his living situation--she felt like he needed her to take care of him, like he was too traumatized or depressed to take care of his own house and affairs, and if she stopped doing it it just wouldn't get done. And because she is a kind person, she didn't want to leave him like that.

This kind of behavior traps the victim in a relationship with the abuser by making them feel guilty if they try to leave or even distance themselves. It makes the victim feel like they cant hurt or go against the abuser in any way, for fear of blood on their hands, literal or metaphorical. It drives you to defend them, to try to stay by their side even as they prove themselves a terrible person.

So if Tommy isn't immediate and decisive in dropping Wilbur, I think we should be understanding. In these sorts of manipulative relationships, its really hard to speak badly of the abuser, and its hard to accept when others say they're abusive. That's an aspect of the abuse.

It took me until I was 13 to even be consciously aware of my mom doing this to me, and I only became aware of that "friend" doing it when I hadn't spoken to him in years.

This is the sort of thing that is VERY difficult to process and navigate and I think we should give Tommy, and other people close to Wilbur, some grace in navigating it. They should still drop him, but I think we should let them take some time because dropping an abuser who acts like this is very difficult, and they make it so on purpose.

[trans-queen-administrator]

Hey, can I hear about your shatterbird thoughts? She's always been my favourite member of the nine :]

[@faultlinescrew]

Oh I'm about to type for entirely too long.

Alright so a chunk of this is kinda headcanon, but any of that is fully based on canon. I had a giant fanfic planned that was literally an expanded telling of Shatterbird's life from trigger to death, and some plot points there may bleed into this unconsciously.

Number one favorite thing about Shatterbird is that initially, she did nothing wrong. She was unwillingly dosed with a Cauldron vial, and her scream and subsequent exploding of Dubai wasn't her fault. She had no intention to hurt anyone, it was done entirely out of her control as she gained powers and she should not be blamed for her first time destroying a city. The thing is, that doesn't matter in universe. She's still going to be hunted down by countless capes because she killed an untold number of people with that scream. No one's going to just let her go because it wasn't her fault, because she's the only person who can be blamed. People want revenge for their loved ones, and I'm willing to bet that she had a sizable bounty. It's similar to the situation we see with Rachel, where she can't have a normal life because she killed someone in her trigger and her identity is public, but on a much much larger scale.

I think the guilt ate at her so fucking bad at first. She killed her dad, her friends, her sister, her mother, countless others, and as much as it wasn't her fault she's still the one that did it. There's no way she doesn't blame herself for what happened, but when does she even have time to mourn? She's fled to a desert, she's gotta be struggling with food and water, and she's being hounded at every turn by people who want her dead. What's she supposed to do, let them kill her so she can atone for what she did or something?

I just love what a tragic backstory this is. She's one of the most horrible people we meet in canon, and I don't think it's unreasonable to say she has one of the highest body counts on Earth Bet, but she started as someone innocent and desperately trying to survive. And as much as I love this backstory and will defend to the death that she did nothing wrong at this point, it doesn't excuse who she becomes.

Shatterbird laughed.  “There’s only two ways to recover from something of that magnitude, to deal with the fact that you inadvertently killed thousands and thousands of people, and hospitalized twice that many.  You break, or you become it.”

(quote is from the missing interlude)

This is the quote that puts her entire character in a nutshell. The biggest question to me is... when did she become it? She implies in that interlude that it was rather quick, and that she went to Britain so she could hit a big target, but the Tattletale clone calls this out as a lie. She was running, the desert that she'd been in for months was unbearably loud with all that sand, and I think she was sick of living on the run. She wanted society, structure, something to make her feel human. I think she's full of shit saying she went there to destroy it, some accident or desperate confrontation occurred (timeline fits well enough for it to be a result of the Simurgh's attack, but that's just one possibility) and she broke London just as bad as she broke Dubai. What do you even do from there? Any slim hope of clearing her name is gone, she just has to keep running and try to ignore the guilt. And she ran to America, where the Slaughterhouse Nine found her.

The recruiting of people by the Slaughterhouse Nine fascinates me, because most are unwilling to join at first. Unfortunately the alternative is to die. No one in Brockton Bay was jumping to be the lucky winner, and the only people we know nominated themselves are Cherish and I think Siberian. Shatterbird (ever notice how she's the only S9 member with no canon first name? drives me nuts) was dragged into the recruitment process with no say in the matter just like most everyone is. Someone in the Nine found her, thought she would be a good fit because of London and Dubai (and how would that feel, to have someone on the S9 see you as just as bad as them?) and even if she explains that was on accident... what does it matter? It never matters that it was an accident. It never will matter. It's just something that she can tell herself to keep her sane.

So she's doing the fun little tests, I'm actually very curious how she altered herself for Mannequin's since he always does the same test, she's a very vain person, but that's off topic. Atrocities, horrors, being hunted by the Siberian, and suddenly she's at the end. Her and someone else.

“That’s not really a test,” Shatterbird spoke, “There hasn’t been a round of testing since I joined the group where we didn’t whittle it down to one candidate.” “We could forego the final test, pitting them against one another.” Shatterbird turned to him, “Ah.  But, again, the last test where we had to go that far was… mine?”

And she kills them. Dubai, London, those were accidents. This was on purpose, maybe even the first time she's done it on purpose. She could either break and decide she couldn't live with herself as a member of the nine, or she could just as horrible as everyone sees her. All her choices were rigged, there was never much of an opportunity to get better since so many paths closed off to her, but she voluntarily chooses to get worse. What's the point in holding on to the fact that it wasn't her fault at the beginning? She's never escaping what she did, so she'll become the monster everyone sees her as. You break, or you become it.

And there's not much of the more sympathetic side of Shatterbird in canon (partly because her backstory chapter was removed). She's fully embraced herself as a mass murderer. She revels in the attention, the fear. She parrots Jack's philosophy as a way to feel better about what she's doing, and eventually she doesn't need to feel better because she enjoys who she is now.

I don't know, I rambled for a while there but it boils down to me being fascinated by the circumstances of her gaining powers, and the shift from innocent but hated/feared to making damn sure that fear is justified.

Ok, so moving on from the backstory analysis, other miscellaneous details. Fuck it, I'm putting every thought I have on Shatterbird in this post.

She's the Nine's primary recruiter! Woo, good for her. Notably, she recruits Burnscar. Mimi is in a similar position to Shatterbird's past self with the whole involuntary mass destruction, although on a lesser scale (it'll always be on a lesser scale, Shatterbird has the worst trigger event out there in terms of consequences and she didn't even trigger). Mimi was on the streets and trying not to use her power, and Shatterbird scooped her up into the Nine.

“I- before I knew it, the Slaughterhouse Nine had found me.  Shatterbird recruited me.  And now I’m stuck.  I’m trapped.  You know there’s a kill order out on me?  If I try to quit, either the Nine or the cops will off me.  So I keep going, I work for them, and it all just gets worse.”

It's a situation Shatterbird can very likely relate to, but she's perpetuating it and making Mimi suffer like she did. No sympathy, no helping someone get through it and avoid the pitfalls she fell into, she's dragging other people down with her like a crab in a pot. Worth noting that I believe she's still bitter about the hand she was dealt even if she's embraced where it led her to, she remembers how horrible it was to be forced into everything and she does not care if she inflicts it on others.

But if someone else willingly joins the Nine, she takes it personally. Cherie says Shatterbird hates her, and that's because Cherie chooses the life Shatterbird was locked into. She's bitter that she never had that choice, and so she makes sure Cherie understands what it's like by chasing her for days for her test, not allowing any rest or sleep. However, this could also simply because Cherie sucks and is an unpleasant person to talk to, and Shatterbird is stuck-up.

Another thing I like is Shatterbird's appearance of knowledge and elegance. She's trying to appear put together, confident, in-control, and to be fair she does a pretty good job, her costume and theming are great. But under that is someone violent and angry, she's keeping up appearances to everyone else but also to herself. The fact that she's always trying to keep up appearances, even when locked in a room and doomed to die with one Witness (haha get it) she's trying to make it look like she was calm and in control when her body is found, is what 100% convinces me exploding Britain was an accident. The Tattletale clone calls her out, and to me it seems like another attempt to seem in control by framing it as deliberate.

Anyway, my attempts to woobify a mass murderer aside, I also like that she was a spoiled rich kid before all this and her prim asshole attitude points to that. She quotes Edgar Allen Poe, she reads because it makes her feel better than others, she's just so pretentious and unpleasant and to be clear I love this as a character trait, it's fun and leads to her speaking in overdramatic ways.

“Then you should know, nearly-Tattletale, that I’ve spent too long in the company of monsters to be scared by words.”

She thinks she was soooo cool saying that.

I also want to look at the last few weeks of her life. She spends so much effort propping herself up as great and in control, only to be locked in a box and puppeted around against her will. Genuinely I cannot think of anything more humiliating and agonizing for her to endure. She has nothing to do but think as she's used as a marionette.

She had a long time to reflect on her life, to look back at how she got here and what she regrets.

But I think she spent it stewing in her rage, itching and planning to get violent revenge and keep hurting others to be respected. She's unwilling and unable to go back, she'll double down on this forever because this is who she is now. And because 99% of characterization for Shatterbird isn't in Worm anyway, I may as well toss in this minor AU summary by Wildbow. If she escaped, she would have started her own version of the Nine with Damsel of Distress and Trickster. There is nothing left to sympathize with or redeem Shatterbird by the time we see her in canon, she's simply past that point. Side note but Shatterbird + Damsel of Distress + Trickster as a team is perhaps the funniest combo ever and I really wish those 3 fuckers got to interact in canon. Weirdo assholes who dress up fancy and have a taste for theatrics as a murder crew, we were robbed.

I could analyze the Hookwolf interlude but I don't want to. I'm very annoyed that Shatterbird (still no first name) is the only member of the Nine to lose the fight against her recruit instead of appearing terrifying and unstoppable. How come Burnscar can solo Faultline's crew but 3 nazis can take out Shatterbird, who has way more experience? It's pretty uncomfortable to have the only member of the Nine who isn't white be the one that loses to nazis, while one calls her a slur in his internal monologue, in the interludes where everyone else on her team is introduced as a force of nature. I think we should just collectively agree to make this interlude not canon and un-retcon the Witness interlude. While I'm on the topic it's also a bit questionable to have Sophia and Shatterbird (no first name. I am annoyed by this) as the only named capes puppeted by Regent?

But that's not the topic I wanna explore. The topic is that Shatterbird is a great character and I wish that she had depth in the story itself rather than scattered through 20 different sources, because she's legitimately my favorite non-undersider in the story. There is a lot of potential to explore her, one could interpret her backstory in a less charitable way than I did just for an example, and I really think she's neat! She takes hurting someone in an accident and then becoming the monster people see her as, something we see a few times throughout worm, to its ultimate conclusion in terms of scale. That alongside her outer layer of intellectualism and pretentiousness, which I'm a massive sucker for as a trait, and she's just perfect. Did nothing wrong (citation needed). I love her and I do hope that at least some of the stuff written her makes someone appreciate her character more.

Ok! That was... 2.2k words about Shatterbird (no first name). Woo! If some stuff seems inconsistent between paragraphs here, it's probably because I wrote this in chunks over the course of a few weeks and my feelings at the time can influence my interpretation of things and my writing to feel different when read all at once and compared. If you think I'm woobifying her too much, cool. I think it makes her more compelling to examine how much we know was her fault and how much she shouldn't be blamed for, and making her have less agency makes her more tragic which I always like. If you actually read this to the end, thank you! Have a nice day!

[thefirstknife]

The thing about the final lore tab is that, besides the fact that I'm devastated in ways I can't put into words, the way Saint was affected by this whole thing is unique.

This is obviously primarily Osiris' trauma that we can't really properly comprehend, but Osiris wasn't fully conscious for most of it. It fell to Saint to wait, and hope, that Osiris would be brought back and that he would wake up. There was no certainty for him there. And even before that, he watched "Osiris" being strange and distant and acting weird but obviously nobody could even begin to speculate that the person he interacted with wasn't Osiris at all, so the trauma went from there, from learning that he lost Sagira, then to the shock of Osiris being kidnapped and then the quest to bring him back and then him being brought back in a coma and then the 9 long months of waiting until he woke up.

The state of constant anxiety he experienced for almost 2 years total is nervewracking and gutwrenching. I don't think we can fully understand the impact of that on someone. And the best, or worst, thing is that Saint is infinitely patient. He is infinitely emotional and merciful and opts to be the better person and to wait and wait and wait. And hope that it can be fixed.

Except it can't. It can't be fixed. And not only can it not be fixed, but there will never be justice for it. It's impossible. There isn't a way to truly punish Savathun for what she's done. There is no relief or catharsis for Saint. While Osiris can mostly move on, Osiris did not really have to go through what Saint had to go through. Their traumas are different and Saint's is the type that no one can really understand and there is nothing he can do about it.

A younger Saint would've killed Immaru and then Savathun, 100%. But now he can't, because he isn't that person anymore. And yet, the grief and trauma remain and he has no outlet for them and nothing that can be done to enact any sort of justice. So he settles for pure rage, letting himself essentially vent that anger out, but still leave everyone alive. And there's really no true release here. He got a brief satisfaction of killing Savathun over and over, but at the end of the day, she will walk away and nothing will change and there will be no fix.

Which is why he comes back and just cries. As he said, this wasn't for Osiris, it was for him. It was his outlet for anger and nothing else. After that, there's nothing else left to do but cry. No one can really help him carry the burden of what he's gone through and besides: he's a Titan. He's the one carrying other people's burdens. Which just added to the trauma because for so long he's only cared for others, mostly for Osiris, and never really let himself fully grieve or talk about it. Saint never really processed the horrifying ordeal of constant concern for his loved one, then the realisation that his loved one isn't even with him, then the desperate search and then waiting for months and months for the hope that his loved one might wake up. Then Osiris is awake and we're forced to play allies with the person who traumatised both of them in an incomprehensibly terrifying way. Saint had no other way of attempting to make his peace with the situation.

Year of processing grief. I'm in shambles.

[delusionalfanficwriter]

burn

“Y/N, we can’t discharge you until we know you are going to be taken care of at home. You can’t handle this by yourself.” Dr. Meed told me as I lay against the hospital bed. 

“Doc, all due respect, I can clean and change the bandages myself. There’s not need to worry anyone.” I try to convince him but I can see him not caving. 

“You’ve been here for almost 2 days and I am pretty sure you didn’t even tell anyone what happened. You don’t have a place to go to as far as I know. So I will not discharge you until I see someone in person who tells me that they will be there for you. You can be out as early as tomorrow morning.” I watch him say before making his way out of my room. I sigh and close my eyes knowing the repercussions if I make the inevitable call. Thinking strategically of a list of people, I figure out who I am going to call. 

As the phone rings, I come up with a script, but it all leaves my head when the voice on the other end answers. “What do I owe this pleasure, Y/N?” 

“Hey, O’Hara, just wondering what you are up to tomorrow?”

“Planning on getting a coffee and furniture shop for the apartment. Want to join? I haven’t seen you since our game a few days ago.”

“I would love to, but I have a favor to ask you.” 

“No, you can’t drive my car or go to the animal shelter. You remember how emotional you got leaving the animals behind.”

She’s not exaggerating and I laugh at the memories. “No, Kel, I actually need you to pick me up.”

“Obviously dummy. You don’t have a car,” 

“From a different location.”

“So secretive. Where is this location I am picking you up from?” She asks, fully curious as if I am giving her tea.

“The hospital downtown.”

“Y/N… why would I be picking you up from there?” I pick at the blanket laying on top of me. 

“Something happened and I ended up here but I am okay. I promise. They just won’t discharge me without confirming someone can come pick me up and care for me.”

“Y/N!!! Why didn’t you call me sooner? What happened? You know what, I am on the way. We will talk.” She frantically yells on the phone before hanging up. I close my eyes hoping to get some shut eye before she storms in here. I groan as I hear my phone constantly vibrate and see messages from both my Gotham FC teammates and USWNT asking what happened and if I am okay…I’m going to kill O’Hara.

A half hour passes and soon enough not only is Kelley coming through my door but Kristie, Ali, and Sonnet. 

“What happened?!” Ali asks, approaching carefully looking at any damage she might find.

“I’m okay. My apartment caught fire and I got burnt in the process, nothing crazy.” I act as if everything is fine.

“Nothing crazy?! Y/N, you have burns!” O’Hara whisper yells. 

“Wait, Y/N, when was this?” Kristie observed knowing well enough I hate bothering people. 

I bite my tongue and whisper, “2 days.” That’s when all hell broke loose. 

The hospital room was filled with a cacophony of concerned voices as Ali, Kristie, Sonnet, and Kelley vented their anger and frustration at the situation. I couldn't help but wince at the onslaught of their emotions, but their presence meant the world to me. They were like a protective shield, ready to battle any adversity, even against their teammate's stubbornness.

"Y/N, how could you not tell us?" Ali's eyes blazed with intensity, a reflection of her passion on the soccer field. "We're your teammates, your friends. You can't just hide something like this."

Sonnet's voice, though calmer, was no less concerned. "And now you're telling us it's 'nothing crazy' when you have burns from a house fire? But two days in a hospital is not nothing.”

As we continue going back and forth, Dr. Meed, returned to my room with a surprised look on his face. He had probably expected a more difficult situation based on our previous conversation.

"Y/N, it looks like you have a support system in place," he remarked, a hint of approval in his voice.

I nodded, feeling grateful for the incredible people who had come to my aid. "Yes, doctor. They're going to make sure I'm taken care of."

Dr. Meed assessed the room, noting the presence of Kelley, Ali, Kristie, and Sonnet. "Well, I believe we can arrange for your discharge tonight if you got this team to care for you. I can have the nurses prepare your medications and instructions. You'll need to follow up with your primary care physician within a week."

My heart swelled with relief at the news. I had been eager to leave the sterile environment of the hospital.

"Thank you, doctor," I said, genuinely appreciative.

Dr. Meed nodded and started discussing my care instructions with the group. They listened attentively, taking notes and asking questions to ensure they were fully prepared.

Kelley stepped forward and shook the doctor's hand. "We've got it from here, doc. Thanks for taking care of her."

The doctor smiled, his demeanor much lighter now. "You're welcome. And you take care of yourself, Y/N."

… … … … … … … … … … … … 

Kelley left me no choice but to move into her apartment until I recovered and since Sonnet was visiting her, they figured two pairs of eyes and hands were better than one when it came to me. They had a routine set from the moment I left the hospital and today is a new day. Teammates have been stopping by and visiting. I laughed and smiled through every encounter after I got a talking to about hiding my injuries. 

“Is Y/N getting a little tired?” Lynn said as I seem to be drifting off. 

“Seems like it. She has had a long first day out of the hospital.” Kelley says and excuses the company in the room and says goodbyes to them and I mutter a goodbye as well. As they leave, Sonnet gets a new set of bandages ready for my legs as Kelley gets my antibiotics and pain meds. 

Sonnet carefully peeled off the old bandages, her touch delicate but precise. The adhesive clung to my skin, making it an uncomfortable experience. As she pulled the bandages away, my breath caught in my throat, and I bit down on my lower lip to stifle any cries of pain. I could feel the slight tug and sting as the bandages left my raw, sensitive skin.

Kelley, sitting by my side, offered an empathetic smile. "We're almost through this part, Y/N," she assured me, her fingers lightly tracing circles on my forearm.

Sonnet continued her work, unwrapping each bandage with the utmost care. Her face was a mix of concentration and sympathy as she revealed the burns on my legs. When the fresh bandages came into contact with my wounded skin, a sharp wave of pain coursed through me, causing me to clench my fists tightly.

"Easy, Y/N," Kelley murmured soothingly, her hand slipping into mine and offering a reassuring squeeze. "You're doing great."

Sonnet nodded in agreement, her expression filled with understanding. "We're trying to be as gentle as possible, but I know it's still painful. Just a bit more, okay?"

I mustered a nod, grateful for their presence. The pain was a reminder of the challenging journey I was on, but the unwavering support of my teammates made it bearable. Sonnet continued her task, her movements swift and precise.

Once the bandage change was complete, Kelley handed me the antibiotics and pain medications. She watched me closely as I swallowed the pills, her eyes filled with a mixture of concern and care.

As I leaned back against the pillows, Kelley and Sonnet took their seats beside me.

Fatigue threatened to overtake me, I clenched my eyes shut, resisting the pull of sleep. I knew that once I closed my eyes, the nightmares would return, vivid and tormenting. The darkness had become my enemy, and my reluctance to face it was exhausting.

Kelley noticed my struggle and squeezed my shoulder gently. "Y/N, you need to get some rest," she whispered, her voice filled with concern.

I nodded, my lips forming a weak smile. "I know, Kel. It's just... the nightmares. I can't handle them."

Sonnet shifted closer, her touch soft and reassuring. "We won’t leave your side, Y/N.”

Despite their comforting words, the fear of what awaited in my dreams persisted. The mere thought of reliving the traumatic experience made my heart race. I bit my lip, fighting back the anxiety that threatened to consume me.

Kelley's fingers brushed a strand of hair from my forehead, and her gaze met mine. "Y/N, you're not alone in this. We'll be here to wake you up if those nightmares come knocking. But you need sleep, okay? You've been through so much."

I nodded, my eyes heavy with exhaustion. The room seemed to blur as my eyelids drooped. Sonnet's hand still rested on my knee, and she leaned in, her voice a soothing lullaby. "Close your eyes, Y/N.”

As much as I resisted, I couldn't hold onto consciousness any longer. My eyes closed, and I was plunged into the unsettling abyss of sleep.

[yan-lorkai]

Yellow can I request yandere platonic Integra would comfort someone who is scared or having a panic attack, crying , or scared whether it be baby ,child, teen and adult?🤔 Weather it's with a hu or talking to them gently fluff.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/N: She'll be so sweet and caring, I just know. Also this is my third Integra request and I love it. She's such a fun character to write and imagine in these sorts of situations. I hope you like it as well, darling!

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Warnings: Very soft platonic yandere Integra, gn!reader, age wasn't mentioned but I was imagining a teen/young adult, panic attack, fluff

"It's okay, honey." Her voice was a sanctuary, grounding you as she sits before you. Despite wanting to take you in her arms and soothe you, Integra resists. She knows how uncomfortable that would be for you, having her arms around you, just another thing putting pressure on your tired mind. "Calm down. Breathe in, breathe out, slowly. Slowly."

You try to follow her command, attempting to breathe, but it's so difficult. Your thoughts racing about multiple things all at once, and your lungs refuse to cooperate. A wheeze escapes your throat, everything is painful and suffocating.

You reach out to Integra, gripping her hand tightly. She doesn't mind. In fact, she holds your hand with both of hers just as tightly, even stronger.

I'm here for you, is the message unsaid. But you know, somewhere deep inside your mind that this is the true.

"The voices in your head, you have to let them go. Focus on me," She commands, her voice stern yet soft like when she's guiding you through a chess game or explaining her strategies to you, even if can't fully grasp their meaning entirely. "I'm going to ask you a few things, is that alright?"

You nod, the movement barely perceptible but her trained gaze is able to notice it. You take a shaky breath again, trying to mimic her calmness. Despite this, you feel your body shaking and trembling, the air restricted on your lungs. The pressure that's been building up trying to swallow you whole right at this instant.

"Can you tell me where you are right now?"

"Home," You manage to whisper, your voice strained. "Hellsing manor."

"That's right," Integra says, a small smile tugging at her lips. "You're safe here. Now, can you tell me what you see around you?"

You glance around, your vision blurry with tears. "The room... your face... our hands."

"Good," She praises softly, a hand caressing your cheeks fondly. "Keep going, dear. Describe everything you can see but it's also all right if you can't do it right now. We can just sit here in silence for a while."

You hum, describing the familiar objects in the room, the details of her face, the warmth of her hands. You describe the curtain's colors, the wallpaper, the hourglass above Integra's table. With each word, the fog in your mind though fight to persist. It's a slow process and oh so draining.

"Now, listen to my voice," And you listen. Her certainty unwavering. "What can I get you to make you feel better? Do you want a drink? Some food? You can ask for anything, my dear."

What can she get you? You can’t think. Your mind is a bit chaotic right now, thoughts crashing into each other, a cacophony of fears and doubts swimming on your chest. Do you want a drink? Water feels like it might drown you. Food? The thought of swallowing anything makes your stomach churn.

You look at her. Her eyes are still staring at you so gently, so softly, the world seems right as long as she nearby. You stare at your united hands, a breathy gasp leaving you.

"If possible," You mumble low. "Your company would do me well."

Her grip tightens slightly, you chose to focus on the warmth of her skin against yours, the room feels a little less oppressive with her right in front of you.

"I'm here," Integra says softly, her voice like a balm to your frayed nerves as she very slowly pull you to her chest. "I'm not going anywhere."

You take another shaky breath, the air a bit easier to draw in now. The panic still lingers, a dark cloud on the edges of your mind, but her presence is a beacon of clarity cutting through the fog. You focus on that, on her, on the safety she proportionate.

She talks softly, her words a gentle murmur, and you let them wash over you. You don’t catch every word, but the tone is soothing, a reminder that you’re not alone and you have someone beside you right now. You squeeze her hand, a silent thank you, and she squeezes back, a wordless promise that she’s here for you.

The storm inside you calms, the waves of panic receding slowly. You focus on your breathing, matching it to the rhythm of her steady presence. It’s still hard, but you’re managing.

You’re not alone and for now that’s enough.

[blakeswritingimagines]

Your Dating Someone Else

Wednesday: If someone else were to have a crush on her intended love interest, she would first survey them, then devise a plan to eliminate them. This could be as simple as talking to them and making them like her instead, to something extreme like murdering them. It is truly a sliding scale of options.

Enid: She feels like her heart's broken into a million pieces when her crush does not reciprocate her feelings. She tries to process the information and look at the situation realistically, but she can't help but feel hurt and sad, knowing that her feelings aren't reciprocated. Even if she knows that there are plenty of fish in the sea, it's always difficult when someone she likes doesn't feel the same way.

Xavier: When his crush's attention and affection are directed towards someone else, he feels a mix of emotions—heartbreak, jealousy, and regret being among them. It is difficult to sit by and watch you give your affections to someone else, especially someone who may not treat you as well as he would have. He finds himself wondering if there was something more that he could have done or said to make you fall for him and what would have changed. He may also hold onto a shred of hope that you might eventually come around to appreciate him in the way that he appreciates you, but this hope is often accompanied by sadness and frustration.

Rowan: In response to his crush liking someone else, he would feel deeply disappointed, hurt, and rejected. He would be overwhelmed with feelings of anguish, sadness, and loneliness. He would feel as if it was his fault that you liked someone else rather than him. He would go through waves of self-doubt and think that there was something wrong with him, making it difficult for him to overcome his negative thoughts and emotions. Ultimately, he would need some time to process his emotions and hopefully move past this difficult situation.

Tyler: If he found out his crush liked someone else, he would definitely feel sad and hurt. It would be difficult to hear that he wasn't the person you desired and that someone else had stolen your heart. He would probably distance himself from you for a while to give himself time to process the situation and figure out how to move on.

Ajax: If you like someone else, he would feel a mix of disappointment, jealousy, and sadness. He would be disappointed that his feelings aren't reciprocated, jealous that the other person has captured your attention, and sad that he can't be the one to make you happy. He would respect your choices and try to move on with his life, but it might be a while until he can fully let go of his feelings and truly move on.

Bianca: If her crush were to like someone else, she would be heartbroken and jealous. She would feel sad, angry, and betrayed. She might even think that she wasn't good enough or wasn't your type anymore. She would probably wonder what she did wrong and maybe even blame herself. Over time, she would accept it and try to move on, but it would be difficult.

[betweenlands]

sbk members species + respawn hcs

Viking -- "human." he's unsure how he respawns, and unknowingly this is because it's tied to something/someone that would really prefer to avoid detection.

Fix -- lumian. they just have innate respawn in some universes, wild right? it's fine, don't worry about it.

Fool -- was human at some point, probably, but is a little bit too god-touched to classify as that now. his god is actively trying to keep him alive.

Milkman -- nobody knows, but he's immortal by default of getting himself kicked out of every single afterlife in existence.

Kittrix -- sculky and might be an insect of some type (credit goes to @mallowbees for the latter). whenever she dies, a new Kittrix crawls out of the ground at her spawnpoint like a warden with her memory fully intact.

Trog -- don't ask. as for respawn, though, even if they hadn't done dark magic about that ages ago to make sure they'd never die, they effectively made the Skyblock world.

Ruby -- "human" as well. The Bearer Of The Curse. it's unclear as to if this curse is just immortality or if it's something else as well. some people who've stood near the point where zhe respawns have heard ticking clock noises...

Vintage -- human-adjacent, but a shapeshifter sometimes randomly have pointy ears or a unicorn horn or mantis mandibles or what have you. someone in her recent family history was probably fair folk. whatever afterlife she keeps getting sent to, they're suckers and are easily sweet-talked into letting her come back to life for free.

Leon -- just sort of a general anthro penguin situation (with maybe a little bit of endermite in there too). has too much chorus fruit in his system still and taking damage -- especially void damage -- will cause him to teleport, often several times at once. he usually drops all his stuff when this happens before ending up teleporting back home.

Josh -- a really fun guy. regrows. like a fungits. he's a mushroom.

Avid -- human, then ex-human (and largely made up of corpseplants), then a monkey. his boss won't let him die. whether this is a work benefit or a horrible drawback is entirely unclear.

Doovid -- was legitimately human prior to turning into a monkey. whenever he dies, time freezes, he sees an Instability detected. Player restored and game paused popup message out of the corner of his eyes, and then he resets back to where he woke up that morning with no stuff.

Kale -- pigy (potentially an alien, credit to @moxijunk for that one). has normal respawn, but goes full Gmod ragdoll when he dies before eventually fading and respawning. can't actually take Void deaths as he will loop back to the top of the skybox until he hits something solid, at which point he and his items vaporize on impact.

M1g -- lumian-enderdragon hybrid (credit to @autisticlalna for the former and @moxijunk for the latter). lumians do in fact have respawn in some universes; M1g specifically is here on assignment so he's been given respawn in order to blend in and maintain cover.

Marmalade -- human, still, something she's a little bit grumpy about because she thinks becoming a nonhuman would be pretty cool. whenever she dies the Void picks her up and oh so gently sets her back down at her spawnpoint with a pat on the head.

Teaish -- dryad, or at the very least a plant person. her fortune specifically said she was going to have a nice day and permadying would really ruin that :(

Anathra -- questionably human (he can see through the fourth wall, but also, he seems totally human otherwise). lags out heavily until he eventually restabilizes, erratically teleporting around and resetting his position several times in sort of a combination of Leon and Doovid's respawn styles. drops all his stuff during this process. (credit to @rubycowashere for this one)

Acorn -- tanuki (this seems to be a general consensus, idk who to credit) and also maybe fae (credit to @mallowbees). transforms into a leaf, and then a leaf on top of the Spruce island transforms into her. can't carry her inventory with her when doing this, though. (credit to @rubycowashere for this one as well)

Elffe -- some sort of Netherborn, although his exact species is unknown. regrows when he dies (it's very fleshy and a little bit gross).

Artemis -- human, but slightly to the left. weird portal-based respawn that will often evaporate her items while she's traveling. (credit to @fallow-foot for these)