#but she wasnt nice to me either | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

truckstoptigers · 11 months

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isn't it funny that a 24-year-old man wanted to date me when i was 14, told me he liked me a lot, helped me talk a friend down from su//icide before telling me i did good and i was cute

isn't it funny that the girl i was 'dating', while only 16 herself, sent me borderline l*li/sh*ta porn and explained to me what she wanted me to do in the image

isn't it funny that we were talking about who would top, how it would work, what we would do

even though i wasn't sure how to feel

#nccsa vent #honestly? only reason i didnt i didnt date that guy was BECAUSE id been abused before. i was too afraid #but she kind of lured me right in #i really did love her. in the only way i could i suppose #but she wasnt nice to me either #and uh... even though i didnt date the 24 y/o guy who was also involved i did keep talking to him... he made me feel important #until he turned on me too. that girl broke up w me for him and after that it all went to hell #neither of them are still in my life nor do i know what theyre up to. thank god. that guy was a textbook groomer #actuallyabused #actuallytraumatized #god. its so hard not to feel... silly? like i let it happen #i know its not my fault but its so hard not to feel like i let it happen. esp since i recognized what HE was doing but not her

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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...

#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

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mxwhore · 2 months

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mom left and grandma IMMEDIATELY went back to her weird mistreatment of me lmao

#she wasnt treating me nicely before jsyk just ignoring my existence #today i not so jokingly floated the idea to my friend of becoming roommates #theres still some time before either of us graduates so. anyway #i wish i had done something to deserve this!!! alaz

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faaun · 7 months

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lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake

#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH #also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl #how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break #thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo #HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance #but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart #it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends #odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway #yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh #also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the #persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway #i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was #basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them #and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok #im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE #oops it was nothing #....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway #also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real #my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige #three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp #......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF #my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like #treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡#crushposting

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runningatypufullspeed · 6 months

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WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO SEE MY FUGLY UGLY ASS ALLEGORY OF THE CAVE X FAHRENHEIT 451 CROSSOVER DRAWING THAT I WAS FORCED TO DO FOR SCHOOL….. ITS SO UGLY AND MONTAG IS

WHITE.

AND THE HOUNDS ARE DISGUSTING THE COLORING IS SO SHITTY AND MILDRED …. Well ok she looks alright kindof but the COLORING ….. SKETCH WAS BETTER but do you guys. Do you still want to see it…….,,,,,,

ALSO NO OFFENSE TO WHITE PEOPLE PLEASE I LOVE YOU GUYS 🫶😁👍 within reason

#like ok maybe it isn’t. THAT bad #NO NO I TAKE THAT BACK I JUST LOOKED AT IT RIGHT NOW AND THE COMPOSITION IS ALL FUCKING VOER THE PLACE #IT. IT IS. THAT BAD #IF YOU GUYS SAY YESS YOULL SEE #ok but nasty bad art aside I know some of you will be asking why white Montag is such a bad thing and #there isn’t anything wrong with it!!! it’s just that for me personally #after I did a bit more thinking I was. physically incapable of perceiving Montag as anything other than POC/nonwhite #so when I look back at my old f451 art and stare into the eyes of a pale skittish twink it just #it doesn’t click. like that isn’t MY Montag if ykwim #now trembling BROWN skittish twink. that’s a different story #AGAIN I DONT have any issues with ppl making their own versions white I just think that . for me specifically. he looked a bit funny #a little off. a bit too crackerish for my liking #where is bros melanin 😭#I’m complaining right now but if I wanted to I could just… go in and try and make the skin tone darker #I might do that depending on how tired I feel after doomscrolling #also if it matters even though I have read the book over at least 8 times now not once have I touched either of the movies.#and it will STAY THAT WAY. until I completely log my notes for the book #then I can move on to the movies 🥰#but I will admit 2018 did sort of lead me to having a change of heart w my design. just a little. just a teensy bit. kinda. sort of?#actually not really now that I think about it #I have my own reasons.#TOO MANY WHITE PEOPLE MY EYES THEY BURN AAAYHHHHH MY EYES OW OW OW OWIEEEE #my Beatty design was so white that my eyes developed stage 4 cataracts #I needed a palate cleanser that WASNT Millie… oh god my Millie design…#she was white there too. terrible #it’s okay… 💔 I’ve since learned and moved on #ARGH GUYS I DONT HATE WHITE PEOPLE I JUST THINK THAT MORE SKIN COLOR VARIATIONS WOULD E NICE

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kylos-starlight · 3 months

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might not be super active today? We'll see??

#D noticed a change in me this morning and its a not good change. she thinks I'm starting or already in a depressive episode. i had no idea #until she mentioned it. ill continue to not realize it either even if i think im okay sadly. she gave me some good encouraging #words before she left for work and gave me a big hug. told me if i need anything at all shes here for me. she also said #that she is going to make some of my favourite foods for dinner tonight. shes so nice?#i always seen her as like a mom to me. huh so this is what it feels like to have someone actually give a shit?#she pays attention and knows when im not doing great mentally. i am always blown away because *i* dont even notice it #then someone asks of im okay and i bawl my eyes out for literally no reason but it turns out i wasnt okay because i was #feeling not like a real person <- literally its one of the big things i struggle with and apparently according to D its a big tell that im #in an 'episode' i tend to just sit here and stare 'into space' for awhile.#i hate that she can notice it and i dont even though im the one doing it its a little frustrating to say the least #not self ship #tw: mental illness

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the-trans-dragon · 9 months

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Y'know it was REALLY goddamn evil and nefarious that the oil fields gave my mom (a single mom working 3 jobs to raise 2 kids) a single $5,000 check in exchange for her signing a nondisclosure to never complain about them.

Of course we fucking took the money. Even with her working 1 full-time job and 2 part-time jobs, she barely made over $1,000 a month. Of course she took the money. We though about moving but we still couldn't afford it. She was so frugal with it, though. It did give us a sliver of financial security for years.

But goddamn. $5,000 is table scraps to them, and they bought her silence with it because she couldn't refuse the chance to slightly lessen the weight of poverty on her family.

#sorenhoots #i remember i was like 11 or something. she didnt know if she should sign it. and its not like we had or knew any lawyers. she had ME read it #over and even i was like “this is a nondisclosure and it means you cant ever talk about anything they do even if they do something terrible”#i recall being very proud of myself for knowing what a NDA was. lord knows where my middle-school self learned that from. she did eventually #have a lawyer of some sort look over it and they said the same thing but.... $5000 #it wasnt an option for her. that was more money than wed ever had or saved. she had two kids who would need cars bc we lived so far in the #country. she knew i wanted to go to college. i dont think i ever saw her buy herself clothes before then either. it was money for emergencys #and necessities and birthday presents and road trips and... i often wondered about the person who offered us that. i wondered where they #lived and wondered how much their clothes costed and wondered if their kids got to have art or piano lessons. i wondered if their home was #over 80 degrees in the summer and under 60 in the winter and if they lived in a house that wasnt filled with dangerous spiders (we had nice #spiders too but we did also have Very Dangerous Spiders) and id picture him in his office in a button up and slacks and it would break my #heart that my mom couldnt have all of that. we just had a $5000 check and a vow to not complain.#she still feels earthquakes from it. less nowdays but still. and sometimee it still smells like a jar of hot petroleum jelly. and the attic #smell is worse than ever and the tap water smells like sulfur and wet mold #goddamn what the fuck? jesus christ. she should move.

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fadeintoyou1993 · 2 months

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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?

#txt #audhd tag #just venting a little #its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This #like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning #but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no #one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like #Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved #cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating #okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick #want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post

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be-good-to-bugs · 4 months

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you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

#the bin #uugghhhh i woke up at 1pm today bc my stupid idiot body refused to go to sleep at a reasonable time even tho i was alreday so sleep #deprived. i have to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning :/ so i guess i wont be sleeping till then bc i still have to clean stuff and shower #maybe maybe maybe ill get a nap in but idk. bleh. i hope after i get home my stupid body will sleep. its gonna have to bc i work 7 hours the #next day so i cant do that too sleep deprived. i really really hope i dont have to :( hhhh #i wanted so bad to get high last night mosty bc my body has been refusing to sleep this past week but my sister n her boyfriend didnt come #over so i wasnt able to get more edibles :( or boxes for packing. hhh. i need to move so soon! i have no idea what day its even gonna be yet #i badeky have an idea of how much its gonna cost either. they finally gave me a gas cost estimate afeyr ive been asking for 3 weeks #hhh. well. whatever. i only have 4 more shifts. im kinda sad tbh. i really like working here. my coworkers are so nice #tomorrow is probs the last time ill ever see my fav coworker. shes so nice. shes so nice she used he/him for me and calls me orb #i just mentioned the name in passing once after i changed my pronouns on my nametag and she noticed and she remember!#and before she used it for me she stopped and asked if i was comfortable with it or if i wanted to keep it private. i have never EVER met #another cis person who would even think to ask that. most cis people dont understand why you would care. shes like. the nicest person ive #ever ever met. why did i have to find such a great place to work in minnesota? well. even if i am super tired tomorrow morning itll probably #be ok. butbi really would prefer not to be.#i dont know why i havent been able to sleep properly. bleh. i do liek what edibles do to me its a fun time but its kinda annoying that i #cant use them very casually for sleep or pain. they incapacitate me for 14 hours minimum.#well. at least no matter how stressed i am abt everything. i will definitely be elsewhere in 18 days max. should be less than that.#i will miss this job and these coworkers but i am relived that i wont have to go to work for awhile. esp with this tooth pain.#and im so excited to be able to draw again! im glad im moving a month before artfight bc itll give me time to get shit prepped #i wanted so bad to participate last year but i wasnt able to come evn close to finishing any attacks bc i was too tired from working

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electriccenturies · 4 months

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i think i made an irl friend?!? we've chatted a bunch at ASL coffee events and yesterday we talked too, and today she texted and said she'd be happy to hang out if i ever want to! she's an interpreting student and has been SO kind to me and I'm so happy she likes me enough to want to hang out!

#legit i think shes the reason i am able to go to DNO events cause i went with a classmate the first time but she didnt want to go to the #next one so i wasnt gonna either. but then my friend texted me and asked if i was coming and i was so touched she remembered me that i did!#and now i feel comfy enough going alone because chances are i will see at least someone i've met before #(and because my sign has improved enough that I can at least get across that I am still learning and very anxious but overall okay lol)#she also gave me a bunch of PDF books on ASL grammar which was nice of her. VERY dry material but. well. i guess autism does have its perks

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oh-gh0st · 1 year

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ummm. ok

#ghosts rambles #sorry i need to ramble for a bit #one of my irl friends has mentioned numerous times about setting me up with girls she knows. shes done it once before #and it was. bad #the girl she tried setting me up with her wasnt even like nice either #and now she wants to set me up with her god sister.... umm #i have expressed time and time again im not interested in relationships rn #i dont have the heart to say no tho which Sucks. im too nice sometimes.... OUGH. i told her ill think about it #likkkeee sorry im not interested in relationships rn. why? too busy because choromatsu #ok rant over sorries

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cepheusgalaxy · 8 months

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Ok Google. How. The. F.UCK Do. You. Get. Gender. E-U-P-H-O-R-I-A.

#swearing #vent #at this point im just straight up upset #people correct themselves around me #i just feel uncomfortable for some reason #i don't feel quite myself #i dont like going out for this reason #either people misgender me and i feel bad #coz everybody sees me as a bloody girl #or they try to gender me right and i feel so bad for some reason #my mom dragged me to a dancing class #a very light and short one #so i wore my binder for the first time #and i was a little 'awn' cuz it wasnt' working like #at all #and then it was a couple's dance #and i dont like being that close to strangers #so i danced with my brother (that part was fun tho)#and on our way home she kept trying to convince me to do the classes again and sign me up even though i had clearly said i didn't want to.#now im home and today i just wasnt feeling it my hair wasnt nice i didnt have nice clothes on nor did prepare myself to go to the damn clas #now i just feel bad

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lixbf · 9 months

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so uhm i mightve gotten baldurs gate and. is there a way to like undo your choice of agreeing to sleeping w a character at that party. bc i didnt think my approval w shadowheart was high enough for the dialogue options to be abt that and like shes cool and all that but i mean. i dont wanna sleep with her

#SHE WAS JUST TALKING ABT DRINKING TGT AND I WAS LIKE YEAH COOL LETS GET DRUNK THAT MIGHT BE FUN #MAYBE I'LL DECIDE TO GO FOR LAE'ZEL AFTER ASTARION SO RUDELY REJECTED ME AFTER ALL #BUT APPARENTLY NOW ALL THE OTHERS ARE LIKE 'nice at least someones getting it tonight'#LIKE SHUT UPPPPP THAT WASNT MY INTENTION 😭😭#and my last save is from before i even killed all the goblin leaders and like. i dont wanna go back to that #but i just dont want my character sleeping w her to be part of this story like at all #srsly considering attacking her so that maybe she calls this off by herself idkkkkk #and i cant google this shit either bc all the results are just abt how to romance her #which im very truly sorry but thats not what im trying to do here #maybe on another playthrough w another character but uhmmmm no thanks rn

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knightzp · 9 months

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mini point for me for getting out of my comfort zone and socializing today ✊️

#i hang out with some coworkers..... it wasnt great but not that bad either #but it was worth it just bc one of them told them she was glad i came and i was like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#bc i know i literally suck at socialising and talking with people and today wasnt the exception but still she told me that.....#i honestly thought this girl hated me/had grown tired of dealing with me so it really meant a lot 😭#but yeah it was nice talking to her so at least for that im glad i didnt cancel bc i was really really close of not going

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dsgustng · 2 years

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Sometimes I think Abt how all of my comfort objects in school were either confiscated, stolen or destroyed by other kids and teachers like man wtf was up with that

#i remember i had my dax skelanimal that id take everywhere and it got stolen from me #i had a sonic plush that some girls took and cut apart after i said i wouldnt give it to them #i had a toy octopus sharpener that a kid yoinked from my hand and started cutting up and filling with glue #and whenever i told the teacher the teacher was just like 'thats why you dont bring toys to school' :/#and like countless other things teachers took and destroyed or just never gave back to me #i remember having a toy skeleton on my desk that i wasnt even playing with i just had it sitting there bc it was comforting #and the teacher took it away and never gave it back aka she fucking stole it #i was pretty poor growing up so i didnt exactly have a lot of nice things either #ableism #i remember like being so anxious and school like trembling and fidgeting bc i needed something to hold and comfort me so bad #and id resort to humming or my foot would tap and then id get snapped at #theres literally no winning if ur a neurodivergent child in public school

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killjoy-prince · 11 months

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Have to keep telling myself "We're playing the bad guys in this run" whenever I come across a good option I want to pick

#prince's gaming tag #like with the vampire i wasnt nice but i wasnt downright evil either #this moment was brought to you by me killing the moon cleric and then everyone at the inn #and when the lead harper in despair that she lost everything asked what the fuck happened i almost went to the good option #but i gotta embrace the murder god so it was all intentional #and then i killed her #interesting note if you say you did it for the thrill she says she should of known bc shes seen those eyes before #with someone she used to travel with #that being the protagonist from the first game who was a spawn of the murder god #and those who played or know of the first two games can get that durge is actually another spawn #i watched a video recapping the first two games like a few days ago so i knew what she meant #i thought that was cool

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