#but she’s trying her best to hide those certain feelings behind poems and giving stuff she grows to make others happy

[reddragon-cowboy]

[ I appreciate y’all liking and interacting with my bby Niah it means a lot 🥲 she has a lot of more info about her I haven't shared yet but I'm getting there! Tbh I stopped roleplaying years ago due to lack of interest in my ocs, particularly my female oc since they’re such a huge part of me, so it’s kinda nice that some want to interact with her. . .]

[harrysgloves]

Fine Line (Chapter 6)

>>>Catch up with the Fine Line Masterlist!<<<

word count: 2k

story summary: Since you were kids you and Harry had always walked that fine line of friends or something more. Now, pregnant by someone else, you find yourself staying with your long time best friend after things go sour with your boyfriend of 3 years.

Singlemom!Reader x Harry Styles

chapter summary: Your friends leave town. Old feelings come back to the surface. 

warnings: Language // Angsty? Harry’s a bit stupid too but we love him for that. 

a/n: The cute stuff is coming. I’m so excited. Woot!

>>><<<

You tried your best to hide your sniffling and water eyes as you walked through the airport. Your hands balled tightly against your sides as you walked those overcrowded hallways as far as you could possibly go without a ticket. The security guard stopped all three of you once you reached the TSA line.

"This is shit." Abby said as she turned to you. Her eyes were just as red and puffy as yours.

"You guys come back when this one's born." You managed to say through the depressingly sad little coughs that always happened when you cried too much.

"Of course, we gotta see our little niece when she arrives." Gemma cooed as she touched your stomach, your eyes rolling at her determination that your baby was a girl.

"We love you baby." She smiled, hugging around your waist as you let out something between a laugh and a sob. Your arms wrapping around the parts of them both that you could reach from your awkward angle.

"I'll let you know when I get a place and you two can facetime me to pick out where my stuff goes." You three were still tightly holding onto each other, causing people around you to stare longer than necessary.

You didn't miss Gemma slyly flipping off an older lady who scoffed at you three.

"We'll text you when we land." Abby said, pulling back from you first. Her hands wiping away her tears.

"Yeah. Okay." You agreed, Gemma standing up from you, and even your least emotional friend had tears brimming in her eyes.

"We love you." She said, giving you a hug and not your stomach. Her body thrown against you hard as she clutched her hands around you.

"Be good to my brother, yeah? Make sure he's taken care of." She whispered into your hair. Your head nodded as she broke away from you.

They gave you one last wave goodbye before heading for the line. Suddenly, you felt like you were 19 again, standing in the same exact spot as you watched your two best friends leave on an adventure you couldn't join.

You rubbed your shoulders, trying your best to comfort yourself as you made your way back to your car. Your eyes fixed on the shitty off white tile that covered the abnormally long hallways. Every step felt like a huge task you had to force yourself to do.

Only a few more steps until you could have your breakdown.

Deep breaths in through your nose and out your mouth as your car came into your sight. Throwing passenger door open so hard you could hear the metal protest to your violence.

"'M sorry." He mumbled from the driver side. Your eyes not daring to move over to look at him as the tears leaked down your cheeks.

You'd blame hormones but you knew that wasn't the only reason you were crying this hard.

You always seemed to be the one who got left behind. Always alone.

"'S fine." You sniffed as your sweater covered hands wiped away the mixture of tears and mascara off your face.

Harry's hand covered your thigh as he backed out of the parking spot. Your head against the headrest as you closed your eyes.

"Don't 'ave to tell me y'fine when y'not." He said as he entered the motorway. The other cars swerved to avoid your slow old vehicle as he floored it to try and keep up with the flow of cars.

You could tell he wanted to say shit about your car being dangerous. A hazard to have around other cars. His one free hand having a death grip on the steering wheel but he knew better than to push that button. He knew better than to criticize the last thing your dad ever gave you.

"We're not doing this." You shot back, his eyes glaring at you. His pursed lips tightened as he looked away from you rolling your eyes at him.

You always were a brat when you didn't want to talk.

"Top five." He said with his hand on the broken volume knob of your car. His black painted fingers trying to fiddle with the radio to turn it down.

"I'm not eight anymore, Haz. Not doing that." You huffed as you watched him grow more and more frustrated with the fact your car radio wouldn't work the way it was supposed to.

"Fuckin' hell, jus' humor me and do it, yeah?" His eyebrow raised as his irritation slipped off him seeping around the car. Your hands slapping his away as you tapped a memorized pattern of hits and bangs against the old controls until the machine finally quieted the speakers around you.

"Need a new radio for y'birthday." He muttered, face set in irritation as he stared at the road.

Hormonal anger flaring inside of you as you looked at the smug bastard sitting in your seat, driving your damn car.

"Fine." You huffed out as your hands flew around. His eyes immediately widening as he looked from you to the road and back again. Very aware he'd woken the beast within.

"You wanna do top five? You fucking asked for it." Anger dripping from your voice as you felt your face heat.

"Number one, you don't get to tell me what shit I need and don't need. Mainly, my fucking radio." Your voice vibrated along the metal and glass as you held up your pointer finger to show the number you were on.

"Two, don't you dare say anything bad about this car. You know I can't get rid of it and even if I wanted to get rid of it not everyone has billions to drop on a new car whenever they want."

"Three, I'm fucking pissed and upset with Jesse. Then I feel terrible for being pissed and that's just a whole ass mess."

"Four, I have to start apartment hunting and I don't even know how to tell if a place is decent or not and I don't have my fucking dad with me to help me anymore."

"And finally five, I miss my fucking friends and I feel like I'm always the one who gets left behind all the time. You, Abby, Gemma, my dad, hell my mom is even technically gone and now Jess."

"It's like I'm a fucking neon sign saying abandon me it'll be fun." You said, your hands finally done flinging around with every word as the hard sobbing set. Choking on your own breath. Tears flooding every inch of your face.

You didn't even notice you two were parked in his driveway. Your hands over your face as you leaned into your legs. Crying your heart out.

The hand on your back rubbed soothing circles. Shushing you quietly. The waves of pain and anxiety started to slow as your eyes stung.

"One," he said quietly as he hunched over the armrest, his head laided awkwardly against the back of your shoulder "'M sorry 'bout the car. Know it means a lot to yeh, jus' don't want y'and the baby in somethin' that might break down somewhere."

"Two, 'm stressed 'bout this next album. Got no muse and nothing done. Feel like've taken a year off and got nothin' to show fo' it."

"Three, 'm scared to leave yeh if I go on tour or promote an album if I do get it done and yeh go into fuckin' labor or have a problem and I can't be there fo' yeh."

"Four, my damn socks 'ave been half way down my foot fo' the last hour but I'm too tall to reach it and fix it in this miniature car." He said, your head lifting from your legs to glare at him. Not being able to suppress your smile as your faux anger cracked, laughter coming from deep in your chest.

Of course he'd find a way to make you laugh when your world felt like it was falling apart. His own laugh joined yours and at a certain point you were sure you two were laughing for no reason other than loving to hear the others giggles.

"What's number five?" You asked once you finally calmed back down, your back against the seat in the car as you stared out the car windshield. Harry's posture mimicking yours. His hand in yours over top of the armrest in the middle of the car. The cool faux leather on the back of your hand. His warm skin almost felt clammy in your palm.

"Five," he sighed, his fingers dancing across the sensitive spot in the middle of your hand. Instinctively making you look over to him lost in his own little word. His mind running. You could practically see him rehearsing the conversation in his head.

"Hey," your other hand against his cheek to pull his face towards you. Your thumb stroking to the stubble on his cheek. "'S just me."

His eyes finally snapped to yours. Those eyes of rolling green pastures that reminded you of the crisp summer winds blowing through your hair held so many words behind them. Paragraphs and books worth of this he'd never tell you. Poems and lyrics of all the secrets he held onto.

Even though you both made promises to never hide things from each other. You knew everyone had things they'd never let slip from their mouths. Things they grasped and held on to so tightly. Kept close to their chest out of fear from rejection or regret of consequences.

You knew you had things like that. Thoughts of you with him. Daydreams of a life where you weren't so different.

"Want yeh to move in with me, bunny." He said as your eyes closed, forehead leaning against his.

Your mind raging a war within as you sighed. Torn between wanting to and knowing better.

But God, how you wanted to.

"Can't, Harry, you know that." You sighed, your eyes not opening even though you felt his gaze on you.

"Always said yeh wanted to live with me." Your eyes opened just enough to see him pouting at you. That puffy bottom lip sticking out.

"When I was 10. Now you're old and have smelly feet." You laughed as you pulled away from him, your back against the worn out fabric of your seat. Harry's glare trained on you as you moved.

"Love, I've smelled y'feet 'fore. Trust me yeh’s are way worse." He said with a simple shrug. Your eyes widening in shock before hitting him in the shoulder with your hand.

"Hey!"

"And yeh steal all the hot water in the mornings and y'eat all my pickles." He pointed out. Your lips pushed together as you looked at his overly lavish house.

Prick could afford for you to eat all the pickles in the world if you wanted to.

"I do not!" You lied, knowing damn well you had just finished off the jar the hour before leaving the house. Right after you'd taken all the hot water for your shower.

"I promise yeh right now there's no pickles in there and I jus' bought sum." He said with a little smile playing on the corner of his lips when he finally looked back to you.

"Why would you even want me to move in then?"

"Cause I love you." He said easily, his hand wrapping around yours again as you sighed.

"Love you too, Haz." Your fingers fiddled with his own, not looking at him. "Just not smart to move in together. Camille would be uncomfortable, you know?"

"Nah, I'll talk to her." He said with a wave of his hand like it was no big deal. Your very judgmental stare being shot his way.He was a fucking idiot if he thought that conversation would go over well. The girl might not have hated you but she would if you moved in with her boyfriend. "I promise. I'll talk to her."

"I'm still not moving in with you." You shook your head as you opened the door. Your legs slung over the side of the car before he could argue with you.

"Just think 'bout it." He said as he caught up with you. His arm around your shoulder as you walked to his doorsteps.

You rolled your eyes but nodded your head. Knowing you could never move in with him and maintain the distance between you two.

[sabine-leo]

Dreadful Silence - Part 6

Author: @sabine-leo

Rated: M

Genre: Angst, Insecurity, Hurt / Comfort, Humor and Fluff

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston / You

Part: 6/?

Summary: After an illness your brain experienced a trauma which caused it to lose the ability to speak out loud what you want to say. To get back on your feet after months in the hospital and secluding yourself from the world takes a big amount of courage and strength. Gladly there are helping hands… those of your friends…and handsome strangers

Trigger warning: Ilness, speechlessness, Aphasia, Bullying

Note: Thank you for getting through the emotional part with me :) It will get better now :) 

The first hours you had slept without moving a millimetre away from Tom. But later, as the first exhaustion had lifted your sleep got more restless. You turned and moved for a moment until Tom engulfed you in his arms again and stroked you back into a deeper sleep murmuring a poem because he could not think of something else as tired as he was himself. As morning came your heavy eyelids where hard to open, but you were conscious enough to register the heat around you and the strong arm above your waist. Tom…he was still asleep.

 Your mind began to spin nearly already, trying to recall the hours after the incident in the theatre. Shit, you had ran away…leaving him behind. You had made him search you for what felt like hours to you right now. You had made all your friends and Tom scared and searching for you…because of what…one woman who wanted to get into Toms pants and needed you out of the way.

Her words had hurt you, she had been like a hunter…knowing exactly where your week spot was just after seconds of looking at you. But you didn´t want to be prey, you didn´t want to be hunted anymore! Could you not have made this conclusion any earlier? Shit you had to apologize to everybody for yesterday, but most frightened you were about Toms reaction.

 He had cared for you, he had stayed, but he must be angry with you for leaving him like that, for making him run through London half the night. For Christ sake, he had showered you and tucked you in like a scared child after a nightmare. This was not something he should have needed to do, you are his girlfriend, not a child he needed to look after… or were you his girlfriend?!

“Thoughts….can hear them!” Tom rasped sleepily and tucked you closer.

“Sorry!” You said quietly and tried to hold still…even your mind. 2 minutes later Tom started to move a bit and came even closer to you. Nearly locking you in his embrace. “Tom?” you asked hoarse.

“Wouldn´t want you to run again, would we?” He looked at you with sleepy eyes and smiled half a smile. “But love, we are having a conversation regarding yesterday, and we are having it now. I don´t want your sweet little mind running another marathon like earlier!”

 Here it comes, you thought….

 “Can´t…sign..that…way!” You got out, not registering that the words were in one piece, not cut up and stuttered anymore. Tom shrugged. “You don´t need to for this moment because you will listen to me at first!”  Closing your eyes for a second because you felt that they began to burn you just tried to nod and gulped. He was breaking up with you for what had happened. You knew it…

 “Love, open your eyes please, look at me. I want you to look into my eyes and see that I do mean everything I say!!!” His voice was soft, warm even. Did he try to make the fall more comfortable?

You peeked out of one eye at first which made Tom laugh a little.

“What happened yesterday was probably one of the worst feelings I had in…ever.” He started.

“Seeing your face go all pale and then run out on me, jumping into that train that I could not reach in time…not knowing where you would go…I was scared out of my mind, darling.”

You tried to say something, but Tom wasn´t finished.

 “If it wasn´t for Julia, I would not even have known where to look for you…”

He had to clear his throat.

“Finding you on top of that hill broke my heart and stitched it together again the same time. I was so relieved to see you were in one piece and somewhat save!” He did not mention how much like a wreck you must have looked! “Having you in my arms again and knowing that I could hold you close and keep you save and that I was the one that could care for you now, with the backup from your best friends eased me. I won´t lie, for some moments I wanted to shield you from everything, put you in bubble wrap and hide you in my Tower!” He grinned a little bit.

“But that will not solve the problem, love!”

 Taking a deep breath, he looked deep into your eyes. “You need to trust me, you need to trust us.” He stroked a strand of hair out of your face. “But for the most part, you need to trust yourself. You need to believe that you are stronger than any of those bullies out there. WE are stronger!” His nose nudged yours in a sweet gesture. “I can´t say that I am not hurt a bit, but THIS does not change ANYTHING between us. I do understand why you reacted how you reacted but please…Don´t shut me out again. I am your boyfriend, I can handle your hurt and pain, but I can´t handle you running away from me again!” His voice broke with his last words.

 Now the both of you had tears in their eyes.

He was not breaking up with you?! He had said very clearly how he felt and what he needed from you now. But it was nothing you could not give him. He just asked for something you should have given him all along. Trust, without holding back, without keeping some part of it still to yourself.

Your arms were still engulfed in his embrace and your voice would only betray you now.

Ah, to hell with it! “I…can…do.. that!” You said slowly. “I…trust…you! I am…so…sorry for….hurting…you!” Tears spilled out of your and Toms eyes. “You better!” he rasped, smiling a little before he kissed you full of the emotion that had build up since yesterday!

 Tom slowly let go of you so that you would be able to get your arms out of his embrace. But you weren´t ready to let go…your arms lifted around him as much as possible and tucked him close again.

Now he wasn´t just holding you, no…you were holding each other! A slow soft kiss before he smiled at you and asked. “How are your muscles feeling? Are you very sore?!”

Your arms and legs still hurt when you moved in a certain way, but you would live.

“I think you´ll have some more guests in the next half hour…Let´s get you up and moving?”

Tom yawned and shook his head to keep himself focused. “And me too!”

 Lifting a hand to his cheek you began to stroke his stubbled jaw.

“I….am…glad…you´re..still..here…” You said slowly and quietly. “Thank..you..Tom!”

Tom smiled the first deep, eye-reaching smile since yesterday.

“You will not get rid of me that fast, love.” Thieving another kiss Tom hugged you one last time before he got out of bed to stretch his long and lean body. You watched him with a smile before you took a steeling breath and tried to sit up yourself. “OUCH!”  you whined as you stood and stretched yourself.

 “Sitting still will not help, as much as it hurts… you and me will take a walk later!”

The gloves were probably off now. Tom would not hold back any longer… he would push you more as he had done already, but you needed to get a grip on that because everything else would be futile to your health, mental as bodily! Nodding you smiled a little. “If…I live..after my… friends were…here”

Tom laughed “I´ll try to keep you save darling! They were scared too!”

 Half an hour later you and Tom had prepared a big full English breakfast, maybe this would lighten the mood a bit before they would bite your head off. A soft knock sounded at the door.

“You can ring the bell! I smell beans on toast!” Sam’s voice sounded and he rang the bell and knocked the same time. Laughing you opened the door and smiled at your friends who were lined up and looked at you. Tom appeared behind you and smiled. “You smelled right Sam…I hope you are hungry!”

 The men stumbled in first. All hugging you and kissing your cheek. Julia came last. She looked at you.

“You ok?” was all she asked. You nodded and signed to her.

 Yes, Tom screwed my head on straight again after waking up. I am so sorry I made you go through this again. I can´t even explain why that bitch got to me like that. Thank you for helping him find me and for waiting for me to come down. I love you!

 Julia sighed and dabbed away a tear. “Be prepared to sign that again for everybody else! But I love you too!” She hugged you and went inside. Closing the door with a sigh you took a breath. That was the first step… As everybody was seated you were the only one standing and the eyes of your friends were weary and tired. They didn´t seem to have slept well this night.

 You signed to them what you had told Julia at the door and added a bit more, tried to ease their feelings and the hurt you had caused them…again. Sam got up and hugged you. He was like a brother to you and that would never change. “You had made good progress before yesterday, don´t let that set you back to the start again. You have all of us as a shield if need be, but you need to get a thicker skin. There will always be bitches like her. Show her, don´t run. Head held high and forward we go!” He winked at you and hugged you again. “Now….can we eat? I am starving lady!” He grinned and set back down. Tom laughed and rubbed his hands. “Me too, dig in!”

 Everybody stuffed their faces, but you just watched for a minute. Smiling. You had lucked out with these lot. Your friends didn´t shy away when the water got a bit rougher. No, they strapped their life-vests tighter and held on for the ride. And Tom…he was heaven sent. You could not have asked for more! Looking up your eyes met and he winked and blew you a kiss over the table. The mood got lighter by the minute. Laughter started to sound, conversations flowed and Sam and Tom battled for the last sausage. Julia just put her head on your shoulder and smiled.

 You would be ok…all of you!

Tags for : @witchbitch-stuff @drakesfiance @confessionsofastrugglingteen @mylovelycrazyworld? @snarkalumpf @mylovelycrazyworld @inlovewithfreyamikaelson @heart-shaped-hell @theoneanna @marikochi @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx

[wintersqueenmab]

Silly, do all the questions you definitely deleted. All of them.

Well, since you asked so nicely, sure. Under the readmore to save dashboard space.

1. how tall are you?

I’m 5 foot, 9 inches tall, or 175 centimeters for those of you using metric units.

2. what is your body type?

Softer than I’d like, but otherwise pretty standard.

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

I do like the color of my eyes, and I think my hands are pretty nice.

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Partially, yes. However, the top of my head is currently a cotton candy riot, so not that part.

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

I like to pull off the shy -> outgoing combo for maximum damage.

6. are you more femme or butch?

Being AMAB, I’m pretty sure I’m automatically on the butch side. Not where I’d like to keep it, though.

7. are you tol or smol?

I don’t think 5′9″ is very tall, or very small. The middle it is, then.

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

Definitely vodka aunt.

9. weird habit?

Does eating popcorn seeds count?

10. favorite meme?

I’m a sucker for bass boosting in the middle of otherwise normal videos.

11. do you sing in the shower?

Ironically, that’s one of the only places I don’t sing.

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

A couple times, but never in any seriousness.

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

Not currently, but I definitely was in high school. Would love to go back.

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Nah, son. Shit’s expensive.

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes, but in a good way.

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

Sadly not.

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

“Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.”

18. last movie you watched?

Spider-Man: Far from Home.

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

In front, definitely. Doing theater has shown me that I love being in the spotlight.

20. favorite tv show?

Toss up between Steven Universe and A:tLA.

21. meaning behind your url

Comes from an old username I had a long time ago. I still use Rydyr for most things online.

22. reason you joined tumblr

Kingdom Hearts fandom, then almost immediately comboed into Homestuck.

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

Probably samysticeti.

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

Lord of the Rings.

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

Nope.

26. have you had sex?

Sure have.

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

Yes, several times.

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

I once told my dad that my brother had destroyed my writing journal to get out of writing in it for the day. It worked!

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

Getting to know systems and the best way to exploit them is pretty dang neat.

30. describe your best friend.

Always there for me, even when I don’t want them there. But they know better.

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

Now, what makes you think you’ve earned that?

32. how do you feel right now?

Slightly irritated at the amount of formatting work I had to do for this (a lot), but otherwise good. Go listen to Starlight Brigade if you haven’t heard it, it’s fantastic.

33. what is your biggest fear?

Not becoming who I want to be.

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Glory, by Bastille.

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Being more outgoing has, in general, done a ton for me.

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

Yeah. That’s life, though.

37. something you fantasize about.

Financial stability, a harem of cuties, being in a harem of cuties. Lots of unattainable goals.

38. last time you cried and why

A while ago, probably over past relationships.

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

A dumb play my friend made in a League of Legends match.

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Always.

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Honestly, nobody. Without sounding like an edgelord, there’s a lot I don’t want people to know because they’d just worry.

42. the last time you felt broken?

Last night.

43. are you starting to realize anything

Many, many things.

44. are you more dominant or more submissive

Depends on the context, obviously. I try to be assertive in everyday life, but I think I’m more submissive in the bedroom.

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if you treat me with respect.

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

I don’t have any real preference, but I think I’d feel weird if I dated someone significantly younger than myself.

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

That’s not fair; I have too many crushes to single anyone out. One of the pros/cons of being poly.

48. do you have any kinks?

Look, there’s a whole ass list here. Gotta get more specific.

49. first thing you notice in a person?

Probably their voice if I’m actually interacting with them. If I’m seeing them from afar, it’s their hair.

50. how can someone win your heart?

By being sweet to me.

51. been rejected by a crush?

Of course.

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Tons of times.

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

If they were down, yeah.

54. is trust a big issue for you?

Like, do I have trust issues? Not really. Is it a big thing for me in a relationship? Once we hit a certain point, yeah.

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

A couple of them, yeah. Not nearly enough, though.

56. is confidence cute?

It’s fucking sexy.

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Good for them! They’re living their best life. Fuck jealousy.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Probably not. I love being with funny people.

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

At least one of them does. I try not to make it a big deal.

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

I’ve embarrassed myself in front of my partners more times than I care to count.

61. do you want to get married

Not unless the government gets really cool about a lot of things really quickly.

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

Lied to people that trusted me.

63. three things that turn you on.

Confidence, a nice pair of legs, and the ability to take charge.

64. who do you hate?

Nazis.

65. favorite term of endearment?

Stardust.

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

Probably some fucking Homestuck characters, I dunno.

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Both. Both? Both are great.

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

We gotta like the same stuff. Also want to get freaky in the bedroom the same way.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

Sixty-nine, eyyyyy. Uh, all of them.

70. are you good at flirting?

Only when I’m unaware I’m doing it.

71. who was the first person you came out to?

My friends in high school.

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

Yes! Several.

73. is your crush wlw?

Some of them are, yeah.

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

Pretty much literally any attractive person. I think about it a lot.

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

I wish you’d know me

As I’ve gotten to know you

See me as I am

76. do you fall in love easily?

Love, no. Infatuation? Almost pathetically so, yeah.

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Boy fucking howdy, yeah.

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yep.

79. are you a forgiving person?

Extremely. I just wanna be friends with everyone.

80. what is your “type?”

Kind people that can slam me against a wall and make me thank them for the privilege.

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

B O T H

82. tall girls or short girls?

I’d love to be with a girl that just fucking dwarfs me in height.

83. hugs or kisses?

I fucking love hugs. And I’ve had strangers tell me I give great hugs, so I wanna share that with others.

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

Fuck, dude, I’d sure love to get twirled.

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

A tummy kiss that transitions into a big fucking tummy raspberry.

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

Neck kisses, hell fucking yeah.

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

Hair, absolutely. Too many people are ticklish.

88. making out or soft kisses?

I don’t understand why I need to choose here. They’re both great in different situations.

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

Waist! Easier to pick people up that way.

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

I’m pretty confident in my ability to be attracted to nearly anyone that’s nice to me.

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

Butterflies, with blushing only when I get embarrassed around them.

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

Yes and yes.

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

Well, being AMAB, this was pretty early. It took me a lot longer to accept being into guys.

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

There was this one time I just nerded out about MtG for like ten minutes, and she was just sitting nearby. When I saw her, I almost died.

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

Rosemary from Homestuck. It’s so good.

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

“Are you sure you can’t just pick one person and stick to them?”

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

Like six hours ago.

98. what is love to you?

Love is caring about another person more than yourself. It’s wanting the best for them at all times. It’s being happy when they’re happy and being sad when they’re sad. It’s seeing the universe in their smile, and glimpsing eternity in how they make you feel.

99. ask me anything.

Well, this sure is awkward. If you read all this, congrats! You know more about me now than my own parents probably do. Have a great night, everyone.

[samueljkim]

Metanoia Q and A:

Q: If there is a question…?

A: There isn’t always an answer.

Q: Why Metanoia?

A: It was a time of incredible change. I think I had to come face to face with things in my vocation, family life and personal health. All of it was really being deconstructed as I was preparing to be a father for the first time. The Oxford Dictionary is the definition I like best: change in one's way of life resulting from penitence or spiritual conversion. I wish I could say that when a lot of things were challenged, I handled it well. I didn’t. I think a lot of people thought I was just getting through and it looked like I had a dream life but I didn’t. I’m struggling and figuring things out just like everyone else. I’m surprised I got through that season, but it left a mark. I guess this album is a bit of thinking about the marks. I don’t dwell too much on the negative (because I did enough of that), but in the aftermath, where do we go from here? I wanted to walk towards the light and this album is me sincerely hoping for and believing in a way forward.

Q: A chord unresolved?

A: If I had taken another path in life as a musician, I think I would have been pretty serious about being a jazz pianist. It never happened and as a result, I’m just a fan and not in the band. The little I studied of jazz often came back to this theme as that it’s all about riding the waves of dissonance and resolve. You can go anywhere as long as the chords resolve right. I suppose a lot of my hopes and dreams about music were looking for a certain resolve. I thought if I did my time in a certain way, things will resolve in a certain way. I’m in a life stage now where I’m not sure of that anymore. I don't have any expectations about what music is supposed to do anymore. I just know that I need to do this. When I was falling apart, I knew that I had to make music. It even got to a frantic pace where I couldn’t stop thinking of creating. It was like it was possessing me, but it was also keeping me alive. Even though I know that not many people are listening to my music, it’s surprising how much time and effort I put into my music. My younger self would be frustrated and even angered at the thought of this, but now I think of things differently. My statistics are not the sum of me. My music is somehow my voice to help me speak out into the void and make something out of nothing. You don’t have to resolve every chord. Just play it and see what happens next.

Q: Who is your delight?

A: My daughter was without a doubt the light that got me through. I had feared that in all of my struggles, she would somehow be influenced… or damaged(?) by my struggles, but she was actually the one who got me through. There were days I woke up tired and unwilling to face the day, but when she woke up, she smiled and radiated a light that I needed so much. When I learned that the other meaning of her name was “delight”, I knew we had found the right name. She’s older now but she still retains that spirit of joy in spite of the world around her. She was born in a time I was unhappy with the world around me, the country I was living in and the political conversations that were in the air, but she didn’t care. She always lives boldly and beautifully regardless of what’s around her. She’s my hero.

Q: So how will you overcome?

A: On New Years Day, I really did have a dream with a voice telling me that I would overcome this year. I don’t know how and I’m halfway through the year but I’m holding on to that. I thought it would be great to just write a song, “Hey, I had a dream and it went like this.” I just wanted to say it, not couch it in melodies and phrases. I was really self-conscious about that song, because I didn’t want to sound like an old guy trying too hard to make some kind of future beat music, but perhaps it didn’t work. Oh well.

Q: Hold you close?

A: I just messed around with a lot of loops and it felt like it was something in a Michele Gondry film. It was supposed to be a very straightforward ballad, but it turned into this quirky orchestral thing. It came out of my discovery of an e.e. cummings poem that I read to my daughter often. My lyrics are a pale reflection of it, but it’s a bit of what that poem stirred in me.

Q: So, you seem to be straightforward now?

A: I was tired of hiding behind darkness for this one. I just wanted it to be me. Straightforward. Looking at you. It’s no coincidence that this is my first album that has my face on it. (I’ve made some EP album art with my face but those don’t count.) This album is probably my most personable and intimate because I just say stuff and yes, that’s actually what I mean. It’s refreshing but terrifying. I want to show all this other stuff about me as a smokescreen, but no, this is it. I’m realizing more and more I’m pretty simple. I think my partner could have told me that from the start, but I would have refused to believe it until now. I’ve been a late bloomer in almost everything.

Q: Are you going to make a long form album ever again?

A: I don’t know. I’m in a sensitive time as I’m thinking if I want to mourn the death of the LP or not. I believe so much in the medium of a number of songs taking people on a journey… however, in this world of streaming, many people don’t. We don’t want stories as much as stations that just keep sending out good songs in succession. It just makes music feel cheaper nowadays. I hate myself for feeling less patient with albums. I wonder if going forward I might just start releasing singles and EPs which can be something in itself. I like EPs because you can tell a story faster and then I can move on to other sounds. As I listen to my music in the past, I don’t think all of it was that good, but what I do see time and again, is that I really love sound and discovering new sounds. I’ll give myself that at least. Maybe if I can stop laboring over one project and make them shorter, and just get the sounds out faster, I can get on with the actual journey I want to take. I think I just want to capture sounds that bring about something inside me and share it with people. Maybe it’s that simple. I want to stop obsessing over mixes in minutiae and just capture spirit more and move on. I know the fidelity of my albums are not perfect, but I’d rather create more music than have albums endlessly tormenting me with its imperfections. Let’s have fun and get music out there: it’s what all the new kids are doing I heard.

Q: What were you listening to when you made this album?

A: I took a break from making music and I was too exhausted to listen to music as extensively as I used to. I needed a good year and a half to just give up and just have fun. I would buy some synths, push some buttons, and gave myself permission not to feel that everything had to lead to a song. I thought of that spooky minimalism of James Blake. I thought of pianos (note: this is my first SJK release with no guitars used!), and I thought of orchestral sounds. In theory, that’s what I thought, but that stuff didn’t really come through like I thought it would. I always make these promises I want to sound like this or that, but I can never honor it. I just do what I do and I have to live with all the good and bad of it.

Q: You can’t get enough of your Anthem can you?

A: I’ve recorded that song three times because I want to get it right. I don’t know how. I was really inspired by my first time watching Low live. I came home and immediately wrote that song. That song is more than fifteen years old and it still speaks to me. One day I’ll get it right. Not yet though.

Q: Goodbye?

A: No not yet.

[writesandregrets]

Actual Character Descriptions This Time

Hitarashi Munemori: Hitarashi can be described as positive to a fault, and friendly to even the scariest of people. Talkative and supporting, you can't help but feel good about yourself when your with him. It's not hard to see why he's the class's leader, however it might not have been the wisest choice. Being a little too easy going, and with his inability to say no, Hitarashi can easily play with your emotions in the wrong way. Not that he ever would purposely though!

Hitarashi is rather tall and skinny, with short dirty blond hair which has a long strand of hair sticking upwards. He has green eyes and freckles, and wears a white tang top, blue jeans, and bright yellow shoes. He also wears a yellow backpack, where he keeps his monopad and a multitude of gifts to give to his friends and classmates, such as snacks, drinks or a mishmash of small items.

Konya Hatsu: Konya is every overly cheery drama kid or drama teacher, turned up to eleven. For her, every problem can be solved with an improv game or a performance. Though, with her perfect smile and bubbly attitude, you can't help but believe it too. Don't get it wrong, she knows where to draw the line and when be serious. Just I tiny bit annoying and over excited, Konya's always there whether you want her to be or not.

Konya is a short, chubby girl with black hair that she wears in a long ponytail. She has purple eyes and wears thick framed purple glasses. She wears a long dark purple sweater with a small opening for her cleavage. She also wears a thin yellow shawl just past her shoulders, a short plaid purple skirt, thigh high purple socks and black flats.

Tagawa Namiko: If Hitarashi was the summer, then Tagawa is the winter. Cold, quiet and serious, Tagawa has almost no memories from before the killing game, only remembering her name, some personal info (birthday, likes, dislikes) and that she has a talent. For some reason, she holds the belief that her words have no meaning, so she rarely talks and always tries to leave group discussions. However, when she does talk, it tends to be quite wise and helpful to the situation at hand, if also a little blunt.

Tagawa is an average weight for her age, and just a bit taller than average. She has chin length light blue hair that is decorated with multiple black hairpins along the front, and has very light blue eyes. She wears a light blue turtleneck sweater, a grey skirt, and long black boots. She always looks very cozy.

Inazuma Io: After a plane carrying her, her family, and a multitude of other passengers crashed into the ocean, Inazuma was the only survivor, left alone on a deserted island for ten years. Because of that, she has little understanding of personal space, manners or technology. But that doesn't stop her from learning! With her big personality and willingness to help, she's always a source of courage and strength in the killing game.

Inazuma is a large woman, from her height to her stature to her personality. She has long, blond hair that is usually full of knots and twigs and other such things. She has big brown eyes and dark, scar covered skin. She wears a brown coat and a Indiana Jones hat, along with kakis to hide her prosthetic leg, and short brown boots. She also carries a small brown purse full of survival gear, like knives and matches.

Tsuga Nariaki: Tsuga looks and acts like a rockstar. Confident, proud and just a bit cocky, Tsuga is somehow the most egotistical and encouraging student there. He can't stand seeing others with low self esteem or self hatred, especially cute boys. So, he makes it his goal to make everyone as confident and as much of a show off as he is, to varying success. The nicest douchebag you'll ever meet, don't ask him about his past or he'll cry.

Tsuga is a tall, handsome man. He has blue hair with gold tips done up in a feathery design and bright, golden eyes. He wears a black leather jacket over a navy blue v-neck shirt. He hangs a pair of sunglasses on his shirt collar, but rarely wears them. He also wears black dress pants and black dress shoes.

Nomi Takeji: At first glance, you'd think Nomi would be a cute, innocent girl. That couldn't be farther from the truth, as Nomi is incredibly deceitful, bitchy and overall a jerk. She's not all bad though, as she knows who she can and can't bully, and never goes to far with her insults. She also knows when to drop the act and be nice when necessary. You could call her tsundare, but she'd probably just slap you for it.

Nomi is pretty short for her age. She has long, pastel pink hair that touches the floor when she walks, big pink eyes behind big black glasses, and a small lip piercing. She wears a light pink wool sweater that hangs down her left shoulder, revealing a black bra strap. She also wears a black skirt and black kitty knee high socks under pink sneakers.

Minami Hanshiro: For a famous stand up comedian, Minami never really looks happy off stage. Seemingly always tired, Minami only shows two emotions; chill and happy or completely indifferent. She doesn't really take anything seriously, cracking dark or self deprecating jokes whenever the mood get too low. She seems hard to approach, but all she really wants and needs is a real friend. Catch her on stage to see her at her happiest, making others smile and laugh.

Minami is a tall, horribly thin girl that hides her frailness under a large, baggy black sweater and loose blue jeans. She has messy, long maroon hair and dark, grey eyes with black bags under them. She is almost always smoking a cigarette in order to calm her nerves, through she always swears that she'll quit eventually.

Yoshioka Taro: All Yoshioka wants is to be normal. But, with a SHSL talent, short term memory loss and over controlling parents, it's pretty much impossible for him. While being incredibly smart and great with cameras of any kind, Yoshioka will never admit that he's good at something. Trying to fly under the radar, he doesn't really talk unless someone asks him to, and spends most of his time in his room. But, if you want to befriend him, he won't be against it.

Yoshioka is a tall, slender boy with short, black hair. He has thin red eyes under his think framed black glasses with a small camera implemented in the top centre. He wears a large, navy blue cameraman jacket, navy blue shorts and black shoes. In his pockets, he carries around many notes reminding him of certain phrases, events and names.

Kasai Takuro: Kasai would be incredibly talkative if he could still talk, but ever since his tongue was shot out during one of his speeches, he's stuck to sign language to get his points across. Pretty childlike and carefree, it's hard to bring Kasai down, even in the darkest of situations. He does his best to motivate those around him, sometimes what he says can be taken the wrong way. Luck he's so upbeat, or else all that's gone wrong in his life would have killed him.

Kasai is very short with short, blond hair. He has large, blue eyes, and freckles all across his face. He also has to scars on either cheek where the bullet pasted through. He wears a white dress shirt and a light blue tie with his suit jacket hanging off of his shoulders. He also wears black dress pants and red sneakers. He carries around a small note book, where he takes notes during investigations and writes down what he wants to say when someone can't understand sign language.

Shinsato Masamichi: You could almost mistake Shinsato for a butler with his formal language and fancy clothes, but all you have to do is fluster him to let his true colours shine. Easy to make blush and easier to make faint, Shinsato just wants to help out even if it kills him. Being able to speak and write almost every known language, Shinsato knows many people but doesn't have many friends. Don't call him daddy, it's a touchy subject.

Shinsato is extremely tall for his age. He has short brown hair, and dark brown eyes, and overall a friendly face. He wears a white suit over a white dress shirt and a black tie, white dress pants and white dress shoes. He also has white, silk gloves on either hand.

Nobusawa Risako: Over dramatic, dream obsessed and extremely energetic are just a few words that describe Nobusawa. All she wants is her name to be written in the history books, and for the world to never forget the name Nobusawa Risako! It's easy for her to forget that there are even other people around as she focuses so much on herself. She thinks of the sky as her home, and ever second on the ground is a second wasted for her.

Nobusawa is a slightly short girl. She has short brown hair hidden under an old fashioned pilot's cap, and she has light brown eyes. She wears a brown pilots jacket, long brown pants and black boots. She also wears a long, white scarf that always seems to be flowing in the breeze, even when there is no breeze.

Momoi Arata: Momoi hasn't slept in months. Tired and depressed, Momoi spends all day and all night inside, playing video games, watching movies, whatever he needs to do to stay awake. He has a hard time talking with others, often taking a long time to figure out what to say next. He avoids responsibilities at all costs, and tends to just wander around pointlessly. He acts like he doesn't care, but he cares a lot.

Momoi is a lanky, boney boy with black hair. He has dark brown eyes surrounded by black bags. He wears a loose black t-shirt, black and white striped pyjama pants and one grey sock on his left foot. He also wears a large white blanket over his shoulder and he carries a thermos of coffee with him at all times. He adds weird stuff to his coffee to make it stronger, but he won't tell anyone what's in it exactly.

Doi Kojuro: You wouldn't think Doi was the artistic type at first, but writing poems is his everything. Very spiritual and respectful, Doi spends most of his time outside, writing and meditating. He cares deeply for his friends and classmates, and wants those who are sad to find peace with him. Sometime he speaks in rhyme without even meaning to, which many people find cute.

Doi is a large, buff and intimidating boy. He has long, black hair tied back in a braid and thin, grey eyes. He wears a long white kimono with a red flower design on it and big wooden sandals. He also carries writing supplies with him everywhere, should inspiration strike.

Imada Sukey: Angry and bitter, Imada has probably never smiled. Known for stealing lunch money and pushing nerds into lockers, Imada is someone you don't mess with unless you want a swift punch in the face. Trying way too hard to be the "lone wolf" archetype, Imada does make friends so much as she makes business partners, in the business of beating up punks. She'll fight everyone, including herself.

Imada is tall and bulky. She has short blond hair and squinty green eyes. She has lightly tanned skin and a mole under her mouth to the left. She wears a black hoodie with the hood up over a black shirt for a heavy metal band, baggy grey sweatpants and grey sneakers. She has a single earring in her right ear and a nose piercing.

Arai Hotaru: For as graceful as she is on stage, Arai can be super clumsy. Never sure how to show her emotions correctly, always talking too loud and often tripping over her own dress, it's a wonder Arai made it this far. She does deeply care for everyone, and only wants the best for her classmates. She'll try her best to help, even if she breaks some things along the way. However, once she gets on stage, all her clumsiness is gone, replaced with grace and power.

Arai is a tall, slender girl. She has short light brown hair that covers one of her eyes and calm, light brown eyes. She wears a long silk dress and shawl that's a dark blue colour and covered in light yellow and white dots, like stars. She also wears white heels and long, black leggings.

Hamada Hirotada: Either incredibly oblivious and ignorant or very malicious and uncaring, it's unknown how Hamada is so much of an asshole. He doesn't care about boundaries, others wants or what mess he leaves behind. He tries to play off his behaviour with jokes and excuses, but he's not fooling anybody. At least his musical skills are great, being able to play almost every instrument, not just the drums. Just a shame that he's so stupid and rude.

Hamada is very tall and lanky. He has long greasy black hair that covers his eyes and a long nose that is covered in pimples. He wears his own band merchandise, including a black t-shirt with their logo, a necklace with their logo and a leather jacket with their logo. The only thing he wears without their logo is his dark blue jeans and black sneakers. He always carries his drum sticks with him, and will play anything, including his own head, as a drum.