#but shes badass and dope and doing all that while pregnant and i love her

[wayward-wren]

I have decided I actually don't care that much about the Division or Weeping Angels or whatever the Doctor and Co are up to.

Gimme the rest of the season just Vinder and El (I think that's her name) fighting across a shattered and broken universe to find each other again and I will be happy.

Doctor, what Doctor? I only care about them.

[rowyn-writes]

Mending A Broken Heart (Jared x Reader)

Warnings: SMUT, breeding kink, unprotected sex, (wrap it before you tap it, kids,) oral sex, female receiving, slight praise kink, angst, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of non-con, mentions of cheating, reader has PCOS, fluff, strong language.

Pairings: Jared x Reader

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Danneel, JJ Ackles, Misha (mentioned only)

Word count: 3.7k

Summary: You get a call from you older sister, Danneel, saying that she is in labor. When you arrive, your first niece is being born. You call your soon to be husband to inform him of JJ's birth, only to have a woman answer his phone.

You were on a mission.

You walked with purpose through the hallways of the hospital, not even stopping when a nurse asked if you needed help. You were Y/N Graul. You didn't need help to find your sisters freaking room.

"Ackles." You said, approaching two men. "Padalecki. How's my sister?" Just as the words left your mouth, you heard an ear piercing scream. "That answers that question." You pushed past them and into Danneel's delivery room.

"Ma'am, you can't be in here!" The doctor ordered.

"She's my sister." Danneel waved her off. "She can be here." The mother to be let out another groan of pain. You grabbed her hand, letting Danneel use it to relieve some of her pain. You winced slightly. Your sister had a strong grip.

You didn't understand how women could all over the world could go through this pain. Especially those without epidurals. 

"I want Jensen!" She cried.

You nodded, quickly making your way out into the hall. "Ackles! Get your ass in here!" Jensen gave Jared a scared look before following you inside.

"I'm here, sweetheart." He assured her as he took your place. You hid your smile at brother-in-law's kindness. You and Jensen never got along, mostly because you were so alike. You were both hard headed, but you had a big heart. You'd never say, but you secretly liked him.

"C'mon, Dannie," You encouraged, coming on the other side of her. "You've got this. Push!"

Danneel yelled once more, gripping both of your hands and she tried to push. "No! No, no, no. I can't do this!" She whined.

"You can and you will!" You demanded. "You are Danneel Ackles, you are a badass, powerful woman and you will be a great mother! All you have to do is push!"

"Easier said that done!" Danneel barked, her  auburn hair sticking to her forehead with sweat.

"We're almost there, Mrs. Ackles! One more push!" And with one last scream, and one last push, Danneel fell back on the bed, panting heavily. There was a small cry that pierced through the room, which caused the three adults to look over at the doctor.

"Congratulations," She smiled softly. "You just gave birth to a healthy baby girl."

Danneel and Jensen shared wide smiles as their newborn baby girl was set into their arms. "She's beautiful." Jensen whispered. "She has your eyes."

"She has your nose." Danneel looked over at you, her eyes filled with joy. "Y/N, can you give us a minute?"

"Of course, Dannie." You kissed her forehead. "I'm so happy for you."

You exited the room, only to find Jared pacing back and forth. "How are they? Danneel stopped screaming. Is she okay?" He asked, worry written across his face.

"They're okay. Better than okay, actually. Danneel just became a mother to a beautiful baby girl." You beamed proudly.

Jared let out a relieved laugh as he surged forward to hug you. You stood stiffly in his hold, unsure of what to do. You weren't used to physical affection, as your boyfriend rarely held you anymore. The last time you had been this close to Jared was at Jensen and Danneel's wedding when you both walked down the aisle together.

You slowly wrapped your arms around him, patting his back awkwardly. "Sorry," He apologized sheepishly. "I'm a hugger."

"So I've noticed." You said, stepping away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some exciting news to share with my family."

You found an empty hallway and began to call every family member you could think of. Gino was first, obviously. You knew how excited he was when he found out Danneel was pregnant. Your parents were next, and then your cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.

You cringed as you looked at the last name on your contacts. Will.

You hadn't been on very good terms as of late. The two of you had been fighting constantly, especially after you found out Danneel was pregnant. You were beyond happy for her and Jensen; they were finally starting the family they had always dreamed about.

Fuck it. You might as well get it over with. It rang three times before it was finally answered. "Hello?" An unfamiliar female voice said.

"Uh, who is this?" You questioned, starting to get defensive. It was four o'clock in the morning in Vermont.

"Lacy," She answered simply.

"And what are you doing with my fiance's phone, Lacy?"

"Who is it, babe?" You heard Will in the background.

"It's your fiance, William. The one that I didn't know you had!" Lacy screamed. "You asshole! I can't believe you cheated! And I can't believe you dragged me into it! We're done!" You felt your throat close up, your eyes began to well up with tears.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. You kept repeating to yourself. This was the happiest day of Jensen and Danneel's life, you couldn't bring them down.

"Y/N, baby, this really isn't what it sounds like." Will claimed after Lacy threw his phone at him. 

"No, Will, I think it's exactly what it sounds like." You whispered harshly. "You cheated. After three years, you cheated on me."

"Well you didn't give me much of a choice, did you?" He growled.

"Excuse me?"

"You haven't let me touch you in almost eight months. What else was I supposed to do? I have needs, Y/N."

"You know why we haven't done anything!" You hissed, tears running down your face. "You know exactly why!"

"Can't you just get over it! God, Y/N, we could always try again!" He yelled.

"Get over it? Get over it?! I lost my baby and you just want me to get over it! I can't just forget about it, Will. I should be having  my baby - our baby - in five weeks. July ninth."

"You know what I mean, Y/N. Of course I don't want you to forget about the baby, but we could always try again! It wasn't the end of the world!"

"Yes, it was, Will! You know how hard it is for me to get pregnant ever since I was diagnosed with PCOS-"

"It always comes back to that! 'Sorry, I can't have sex with you today because I feel bloated,' or 'Sorry I'm acting so down, my depression is bad today.' You use PCOS as an excuse to everything!"

You stayed silent for a moment, trying to calm yourself. "It was never going to work, was it?" You said quietly. "We both want kids, but I can't give you that. I can't give you a lot of things, apparently. When I come back, I want you out of my house. I'm going to be staying with Danneel and Jensen for a while. They're going to need some help with the new baby. It's a girl, just in case you were wondering." You hung up the phone, taking in a shaky breath.

"Son of a bitch!" You wailed as you threw your phone against the wall. You slowly slid to the floor, putting your head in your hands. You tried to quiet your sobs by biting your lip, which only caused your mouth to be filled with a metallic liquid.

Get it together, Y/N. You wiped the tears off your face, trying to calm yourself down. You couldn't believe this was happening. Your sister, your best friend, just gave birth to a healthy daughter. You should be celebrating, not crying over your crappy fiance. Ex fiance. 

You picked yourself off the floor, grabbing your phone as you did so. Of course it was shattered. You quickly went to the bathroom, your puffy face startling you. You splashed cold water on your face, which got rid of it for the most part.

You made your way back to Danneel's room, where the atmosphere was happy and joyful. Something that made your mood lighten just a fraction. "Hey Mama! How are you?"

"Doped up on pain meds," She grinned. "Having a baby really hurts. I knew it would hurt, I mean, I've seen the videos, but damn, that was awful." You laughed as you brushed her hair back.

"What's her name?"

"Justice Jay Ackles." Jensen answered, bringing your niece forward. "JJ for short. Do you want to hold her?"

You nodded eagerly as JJ was set into your arms. She began to fuss a little, reaching out for her father. "Shh, shh." You cooed. "It's okay, sweet JJ. I'm your Auntie Y/N/N. You'll get to meet the others soon enough. They're going to love you, just like your mommy and daddy love you. You are going to have a whole village looking after you, did you know that? Yeah, you have me, your uncle Gino, that's mommy's brother. Then you have your uncle Josh and Aunt Mack, that's your daddy's siblings. Then of course you have Uncle Jared and Misha. Those are daddy's best friends."

Jared and Jensen smiled at you. You were already so in love with JJ. "Danneel's knocked out." Jensen whispered. "The nurse wants to take JJ up to the nursery while she sleeps." You nodded as you handed over the baby. "Alright, I'm gonna go get us some food. You guys want anything?"

"No, I'm good." You shook your head.

"Same." Jared agreed.

And with that, Jensen left you and Jared alone with a sleeping Danneel. You grabbed your phone out of your back pocket and tried to turn it on. Just your luck, the screen stayed black. That's what you get for throwing your phone at the wall.

"What in the hell happened to your phone, Y/N?" Jared questioned.

"It fell out of my pocket." You lied. "I guess I'll have to buy and new one."

"Damn, that sucks." He frowned. You gave a small shrug, not saying much of anything. "Are you okay, Y/N? You don't seem like yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, normally you like to take jabs at me and Jensen. Hell, the only one you really like is Misha. Plus, ever since you came back in the room, you've been frowning and your eyes are still puffy from where I know you've been crying." You felt your heart sink to your stomach. "I know you don't like me very much, or Jensen, for that matter, but we do care. What's wrong?"

You stayed silent for a moment, trying to sort out your words. "I can't say it here. Follow me."

You grabbed Jared by the hand and led him to where the nursery is. You needed something happy to cheer you up.

"Let me start this by saying that I don't hate you or Jensen." You didn't take your eyes off the adorable babies, but your hand was still brushing up against his. "I have known you both for a while now, and I care about you guys. Making jabs and snarky comments is how I show that I care." You could see Jared smiling out of the corner of your eye.

"I called Will this morning to tell him that Danneel had the baby." You saw Jared's smile fade slightly. "A woman answered his phone, and usually I wouldn't think anything of it. I would make an excuse that it's his secretary or assistant, but it was four a.m in Vermont when I called. Her name was Lacy." Your voice cracked.  "And it's my fault!"

"Y/N, it's not your fault-"

"But it is, Jare," You whispered. "It is. I pushed him away for months. Do you know how long it's been? Eight months. It's been eight months, Jared. And Will 'has needs.'"

"That's the dumbest excuse ever." He mumbled.

"This next part. . . I haven't told anyone but Will. Not Danneel, not Gino, not my parents, anyone. So you have to promise not to tell anyone. I'll tell my family once I'm ready, but for now, they don't need to know."

Jared's frown deepened. "I won't say anything, Y/N, I promise. Are you okay?"

"No," You shook your head. "I haven't been okay for a while now." You took a deep breath before continuing. "Last year I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome – PCOS for short."

"Yeah, I've heard of it." Jared said softly, his eyes filled with pity.

"Will and I had been trying so hard for a baby. And when we found out I had PCOS, we stopped. And I was heartbroken. I've wanted to start a family for so long, and to get that news hurt me. And it hurt Will." You felt your hands start to shake.

"One night after I had one too many drinks, I passed out on the couch, and I woke up the next morning in my bed with all my clothes off and Will lying in my bed beside me. I don't know what happened that night, but I know I didn't want it. And four weeks later I found out I was pregnant." Jared's jaw clenched and his eyes held something malicious.

"I didn't care how it happened. I know I should have, but I was just so excited to have a baby. To be a mother. And then when I went to my OBGYN, she told me I had. . . I had a miscarriage."

"Oh, Y/N," Jared said sadly, resting his hand on your shoulder.

"I lost my baby. And I don't know what to do with myself, Jare." You cried. "W-what am I supposed to do?"

You were shaking uncontrollably now, unable to calm down. "That m-might have been my only chance!" Jared swallowed hard as he brought you in for a hug. "I want my baby!" You wailed.

"I know," He whispered as he gripped you tight. "I know, honey. I am so sorry. This is so unfair to you. You deserve so much better than this."

"What if it was my last chance?" You sniffed.

"It wasn't," He assured you as he rocked you back and forth. "There are fertilization treatments, surrogacy, adoption. . . You'll be a mother one day, Y/N, and you'll be the best mother a child could ever ask for."

"Really?" You asked in a small voice, looking up at the tall man. He smiled as he brushed back a piece of your hair and wiped away your tears.

"Really."

You felt your heart beating out of your chest and your breaths quickening. "Jared,"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me."

He didn't have to be told twice as he leaned down to kiss your lips. He cupped your face with both of his hands, bringing you closer to him. "Mm," He moaned, pulling away. "Not in front of the babies. They're too young to be scarred this way." You laughed as he dragged you away to a bathroom, making sure no one was in there before locking the door.

Jared grabbed you by the waist and gently pushed you against the wall. He wasted no time as he pressed his lips against yours once more. His tongue slid across your lower lip, asking for permission to enter, which you happily granted.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to pull him closer. Jared put his hand on the back of your thigh, encouraging you to jump. You got the memo as you lifted yourself up, wrapping your legs around his waist. He moved and set you down on the counter.

"Do you want to keep going?" Jared asked, breathless.

"Yes," You nodded, your face flushed. "Please, Jare." He groaned at the nickname.

"I love it when you call me that." He said as he ran kisses down your jaw and to your neck.

SMUT UNDER THE CUT

"And I. . . Love it when. . . You kiss my neck like that." You panted as you began to unbutton Jared's shirt. You ran your hands across his abs and looped your fingers around his belt buckle.

"You are far too overdressed." Jared complained as he tugged at the hem of your shirt.

"Why don't you fix that for me?" You smirked. There was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes as he pulled your shirt off your body.

You covered your stomach as you suddenly felt shy when Jared's eyes raked over your body. He frowned as he pulled your arms away. "Why are you hiding from me?"

"I- I dunno. It's just. . . All the girls you've been with in the past like Gen and Sandra are so beautiful and I look nothing like them -"

"Let me stop you right there," Jared said sternly. "You are gorgeous and incredibly sexy. Don't you dare compare yourself to them, because they could never be as beautiful as you. Don't let any asshole tell you otherwise. Do you understand?" You nodded slowly, fighting off the smile that crept onto your face. "Good, now let's pick up where we left off, shall we?"

Jared pulled down your jeans and tossed them aside, along with your panties. He looked at you like he hadn't eaten in days and you were a four course meal.

He began to trail kisses up your thighs, getting so close to where you wanted him to be only for him to pull away. "Quite being such a tease!" You growled.

Jared have you a smirk. "Yes ma'am." And with that he pulled you forward slightly so you were sitting on the edge of the counter. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before a wave of euphoria hit as you felt Jared's tongue on your clit.

"Oh-" You moaned, only for Jared to cover your mouth with his hand.

"Shh, you wouldn't want anyone to hear, would you?" He questioned. You shook your head, desperate for him to return to where he was. "Be a good girl for me and stay quiet." His kissed you on the mouth before going back to eating you out. You bit your lip in attempts to silence your moans.

"Fuck," You whispered as you leaned your head back. Jared began to tease your hole with his tongue, making you gasp and grab onto his long locks.

You felt warmth spread through your stomach and a familiar coil began to tighten. "Oh, god, Jare, please keep going!" You encouraged him. "I'm so close."

At those words, Jared pulled away abruptly, making you want to cry out. "Sorry babygirl, you can only come when I say you can."

You frowned at his words. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you enjoy it." He winked. Jared began to unbuckle his belt; you could see his growing erection through his jeans. "I don't have a condom." He said defeated. "Are you clean?"

You nodded. "What about you?"

"Yeah, I'm all good." He assured you.

"Then we should be fine, it's not like I can get pregnant anyways."

"You never know." Jared said as he nipped at your neck. As he left love bites on your neck, you began to pull down his jeans, revealing his hardon. You pushed yourself off the counter and got on your knees, only for Jared to pull you back up.

"Not this time, kitten. This is about you, not me."

"But I want to make you feel good." You protested.

"Next time, baby." You smiled at the thought of a next time. He quickly turned you around so you were bent over the counter. "You're so wet." He growled as he grinded against you. "All this for me?"

"Yes, Jare. Only for you." You panted, desperate for his cock.

"Good," He murmured against your neck. "I've been waiting a while for this to happen, there is no way I'm letting it go to waste. Do you still want this?" He questioned, wanting to make sure you were still comfortable with it.

"If you stopped now I might have to kill you." Jared slowly pushed into you, as he didn't want to hurt you. You gasped in surprise; you had never been with someone as big as him. He gave you time to adjust to his size. "Move." You pleaded.

Jared chuckled as he slowly began to thrust into you. He grunted at the feeling of your warmth. "Fuck, Y/N." He moaned. "You're so fucking tight."

He began to pick up speed, which earned a moan from you. Jared put his hand over your mouth to silence your sounds, but you could still hear you skin slapping together.

"Oh, fuck." He growled. "I'm gonna cum. Gonna fill you with my seed, make you all round. God, you'd look so fucking sexy carrying my baby." Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at his words, causing your walls to clench around his dick. "Would you like that, huh? Being so full of my cum that it runs down you legs."

"Oh, fuck yes." You nodded. "Please, Jared, fill me with your cum. Make me carry your child." You begged.

Jared gripped your hips tightly, (definitely leaving bruises) as he rammed into you. You struggled to keep quiet, as all you wanted to do was scream from pleasure. "You're going to look so good filled with my cum." He purred.

"Let me cum with you." You whined, the coil in your stomach was ready to snap.

"I'm so close." He grunted, sweat dotting his brow. "Cum with me, babygirl. Cum." He demanded.

You shuttered as your coil finally snapped and you rode out your orgasm on Jared's dick. He followed soon after you, blowing his load into your womb.

"Holy shit," You muttered. "That was so fucking hot."

"You're telling me." Jared said as he slowly pulled out, making you feel empty. You began to clean yourself up and put your clothes back on.

You both looked a mess; swollen lips, messy hair and to top it all of, hickeys scattered your neck. You reached up on your tip toes to flatten Jared's hair. "At least our hair covers the bruises." You grinned.

"So, what happens next?" Jared questioned.

"I guess that's up to you." You shrugged. "We can either go on a date and see how this plays out, or we can forget this ever happened."

"I don't want to forget." He shook his head. "I don't think I could forget."

"Good," You smiled. "I was hoping you would say that." Jared grinned as he leaned down to kiss you once more.

"I have a really good feeling about this."

[enigma-im]

Kindle Unlimited Recommendation

Dark Planet Warriors Series

Warning: Gore, violence, some situation of wrongful touching

Summary:

8 stories. The series begins with a bug infestation on the mining station outside of earth. A species called Kordolians are there to be the exterminators. After a meeting with a strange human our primary story kicks off while the bug story plays in background in some stories while being the main focus for several books. The consistent story for the other 8 books is a romance between the aliens and humans that results in a war for purity.

Person thoughts:

Great fuckin series. Almost every book has a different couple with only the very first couple being the focus several other times. First book is fantastic, especially the first sex scene. Its so good. The next few focus on the bug infestation till its dealt with then it gets back to the war. Don't skip them though, Riker is a treat that deserves to be acknowledged. My favorite one of this amazing series is Infinity's Embrace. That book has some dope characters. Electric Heart is my least favorite because it's like a real bad Watch Dogs (video game).

Rating: 9/10

Books:

Dark Planet Warriors

Dark planet Falling

Into the Light

Out of Darkness

Forged in Shadow

Infinity's Embrace

Electric Heart

Brilliant Starlight

Office Alien Series

Warning: Awkwardness, drug use, kidnapping (kind of)

Summary:

Three books about an office relationship with three different aliens. Each alien goes through the venture of courting a human woman. All of them succeed on confusing then educating these people on their culture. All the aliens come from the same planet that has been ravaged by a tough alien species that try to wipe them out with their superior technology. That isn't a plot point, its just an explanation. Each story shows the struggles of cultural differences and how education and understanding can help make the world a better place.

Person thoughts:

I adore this series. One book in this series actually got a perfect score from me, which is strange cause I'm a tough grader. The first book has a super awkward lad who just seems to hate everyone. Its really cute and I like them both though their relationship is filled with cringe. The second book I didn't much care for. The main love dude was kind of an idiot and was too blinded by acceptance to be a reasonable thinking alien. Still decent but Its not my cup of tea. The last one- sweet jesus- was amazing. It has a ‘my cousin Vinny’ vibe with their relationship where they fight often but its like their form of foreplay. So good. There is another series that’s super short that takes place 1 year later for each story. Totally worth a read after you read the series.

Rating: 8/10

Books:

The E.T. Guy

The New Guy

The Security Guy

(Christmas special)

Kraving Khiva

Warning: Sex workers, forced prostitution, abuse

Summary:

Eve is a virgin who is fed up with it. After her father's death she has been ghosting by in life with her best friend. After said friend points out a brothel of some interesting aliens she decides to give the place a try to finally rid herself of her virginity. After just one night she keeps coming back, falling for the sex worker. Romance ensues with lots of strife and abuse to keep the two from their HEA.

Personal Thoughts:

Man, this story represents everything I love in a story. Tons of fluff. It was a really good slow burn that I didn’t expect from a story about a prostitute. The cover gives the illusion of a typical middle aged mother romance - which I guess it is- but it has so much more. I only had one problem with the story, the ending. I felt they could have given more information but they just glossed over it. Besides that, hot book. The second one is really boring, just a slice of life that I couldn't get into.

Rating: 9/10

Books:

Kraving Khiva

Prince of Firestone

The Queen's Ransom

Warning: Near death situations, a lot of near death situations, gore

Summary:

432 pages. Long book. Jalia enters into a competition to win a great prize. The interest of great fortune is too much for her to pass up. Little does she know the treachery the competition hides or the actual prize. The king of Minotaurs is hosting an event to test the strength, endurance, and intelligence of potential wives. In a culture that values strength they refuse to accept a queen who hasn't been tried. Genius Jalia goes through challenge after challenge, nearly dying about every chapter while catching the attention of a charming king.

Personal Thoughts:

I generally don't have the patience for long books but this one never dragged on. Every chapter was captivating and riveting. The challenges were interesting and Jalia's solutions were pretty genius. The relationship between the king and her is pretty grand, I adore them greatly. My only problem with the book is all the potty humor and insults. She was a genius but her insults left much to be desired. Once her biggest annoyance is no longer in the picture does that kind of stuff end.

Rating: 9/10

Book:

The Queen's Ransom

The Kraken

Warning: Gore, racism, attempts of suicide(only 1 book), sassy AI

Summary:

A mysterious creature has lived in the ocean long ago, since the beginning of the settlement on this planet. After a nearly drowning woman is saved a series kicks off. Each book has a different relationship of humans and Krakens. Every book tells the story of how the krakens go from living in isolation at the bottom of the ocean to breeding with humans.

Personal thoughts:

When I first read this story I was just getting into monster romance. The love interests have fairly human tops but hella tentacle bottoms. So I was a little off-put by it but as I read on I didn’t care. The first one is pretty good for a start. The second one was decent, I didn’t really care for it. I actually skipped the 3rd one my first go around. Which is fine, it doesn't add too much and its short. Its still worth a read. The 4th one, fucking grand. 5th one? My all time favorite of the series! If you don't want to read them all at least read the 5th one. Like ask me for story details and I'll give you a cliff note for what's mentioned in that story then you can read in peace. 6th was ok, love the sassy AI. I didn't read the 7th one. Its two old people and I just can't

Rating: 8/10

Books:

Treasure Abyss

Jewel of the Sea

Hunter of the Tide

Heart of the Deep

Rising from the Depth

Fallen from the Stars

Lover from the Waves

Escaping Wonderland

Warning: Sexual assault, gore, lots of sexual stuff

Summary:

Alice is wrongfully placed in a psych ward that specializes in simulation therapy. She is placed in a pod then taken to the world of wonderland. This twisted version of the children's classic introduces a rapey mad hater and manipulative Red King. The main love interest is a playful lad who has more control of the simulation than most. The two run from the clutches of the Red King while trying to escape the simulation.

Personal thoughts:

I had very low hopes for this story. I didn't expect it to be as good as it was. It was a twist on the beloved movie and book. Everything was rapey and creepy and I weirdly loved it. Of course nothing too terrible happened to the main lady so it made those situations more tolerable but only just. I adore the main dude, shadow. He was a playful little mischief maker and I would die for him. What made this book better for me was when everything hit the fan they didn't rid him of his sassy personality. Most books make the cocky, silly, playful personality as something that is bad and needs to change. This one they didn’t and kept it. So good.

Rating: 9/10

Books:

Escaping Wonderland

Infinity City

Warning: Abuse, gore, sexual assault, dope ass fighting

Summary:

A city where criminals are more in control than most people think. Each book takes the reader through different adventure of different people. All having the similarity of protecting the ones they love. The first is of an assassin protecting the only woman who has made him feel so strongly. The second is with a mob boss hacker who grows fond of a shy human. The third is the second in command of the mob boss hacker who finds a pregnant woman in a menagerie and discovers she is his mate. Fourth is one of the workers of the mob boss's security team who gets taken by some slavers along with a woman he was entertaining for the night.

Personal thoughts:

First book sucked. He was obsessives and pretty much took all her choices. It wasn't till the end that he was like "my bad, you can leave if you want". Bleh. Second book was fan-fucking-tastic. Arc is a charming idiot with an amazing backstory. I didn't like the girl in the beginning but she grew on me. I love that he focuses on her but still pays attention to work and his 'family'. The third was surprisingly good. I generally don't like stories where someone is pregnant because they get boring. This one was not that. She was never a hindrance or weak, she was a badass. With her big kitty man they made an amazing duo. Also any scenes with her man and the baby made me tear up. He was so sweet. Fourth was boring, it reminds me too much of a lot of other stories.

Rating: 8/10

Books:

Silent lucidity

Shielded hearts

Untamed Hunger

Savage Desire

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While people watch TV or Youtube in their free time, I read. I have such a weird organization with everything i read because i tend to reread stories and forget i read them. the entire time i read it im like “have i read this before?”. so for books i write them down, rate them, then review them. i didn’t post the reviews here because it would be so many spoilers. Also i sort my favorite fanfics by fandom then relationship. i read so fucking much, its a problem at this point.

If you liked this recommendation drop a like, reblog, or reply. i will perhaps do another if you all like this. i have read so many books and i can post some decent ones and some god awful ones. perhaps you all can tell me how wrong my thoughts are on the ones i deem terrible. i think we will probably agree, ‘free’ books tend to have lower standards.

[florafey]

Thoughts on QoN

I started reading The Queen of Nothing on 19 November, 2019, and finished it about fifteen minutes ago on 23 November, 2019. Much as I did with The Wicked King, here are my thoughts while reading.

Spoilers, of course, are under the cut

- Oak is EIGHT??? I’ve been writing him like a three year old this whole time lol whoops sorry Oak

- Idk how to feel about this whole Vivi/Heather thing it smells like manipulation to me

- Lmao Jude’s a freelancer gotta love it

- I have now named my Goblin Brain Grima Mog how dope is that name fr

- Jude is an adrenaline addict and that’s a fact

- “It feels good to be fighting someone other than myself” SWEETIE CARDAN LOVES YOU

- Oooooooh I like Grima Mog I have a feeling she and Jude are going to cross paths again, maybe in Faeire

- (Also not surprised by Grima’s prediction of Cardan being dethroned soon that boy hates his job more than retail workers during the holidays)

- Oh look, three books in and Jude is finally admitting her feelings for Cardan

- I love the juxtaposition between Taryn in her pretty dress and Jude literally being two steps from death and not seeming to care lol

- Hmmmm okay I want to believe that Taryn killed Locke but couldn’t this just be a way to get Jude back into Faerie??? Idk why they would want that but I don’t trust Taryn 

- (Also I hope Locke is dead it would be Taryn’s one redeeming quality)

- ooooooohhhhhh shit Taryn’s PREGNANT AASHHSJSDKJDKSSKLDSJDJSJ HAHAHHAHAH this is too good oh no

- There’s literally zero chance of this plan of Jude pretending to be Taryn is going to go well. Or even close to well

- “Squeeze hug” awww that’s gonna be in a fic I promise

- This feels like The Parent Trap

- I’m sweating

- ITS CAAAAAAARDAAAAAAAN 

- Oh and his tail is out wow good for him

- Fuck a duck I love his tail

- And gold eyeliner, stellar cosmetic choice if I may say so

- Yep I knew it see here she goes off to his chambers he’s gonna find out eeeeekkkkk

- He knowsssssss he been knew of COURSE he been knew how could I be so stupid to think he didn’t know it was Jude this whole time I’m a clown and a fool

- Wow I’m kind of soft right now I love my babies and they clearly love each other but they’re being so ANGSTY AAAAAA

- “Wisdom is for the meek” uhh??? Madoc what are you talking about bud

- Ahhhh see now Jude is getting protective over her throne and crown, she’s blooming into a Queen....good shit for sure

- Also Jude better be the spy she was born to be now that she’s in Madoc’s camp and he thinks she’s Taryn

- Oh, she’s going foraging in the woods? By herself? Yeah, this is gonna go great, Oriana, really

- Yeah def can’t trust Grimsen although I love how Holly Black describes his work and how they’re beautiful but also deadly and cursed

- I’d like to hear more about how he tried to kill Cardan with that ruby earring and failed lol

- tHE GHOST??? What the hell is he doing here???? Am I the only one who just thought homeboy was dead?? Yikes lol

- Ugh Locke was such a Man good thing he’s rotting now

- “You’re scheming” “I’m always scheming” yeah ain’t that the truth bby

- uh oh MOMMY KNOWS heheheheheh

- Well no wonder Cardan turned out like this look at how he was raised, poor boy

- I mean, to be fair, look at Jude while you’re at it

- Oh hey it’s the Roach

- OH HEY ITS CARDAN

- Awwww Vivi went to Cardan because she thought Jude was in trouble and not only did he go to the Roach to go get Jude but he came too !! wow for people who can’t stand each other they make quite the gang 

- I love how inconvenienced Cardan seems by Locke’s death but not actually sad lol what a mood

- Breaking into Grimsen’s forge does NOT sound like a good idea no sir

- Ugh king and queen wow

- I cannot WAIT for Madoc to realize the Jude is the High Queen I cannot

- AYYYY MY GIRL GRIMA MOG what did I tell y’all, hmmm?

- Wow Madoc really just stabbed Jude like that and is going to leave her ??? the disrespect

- Ohh my god oh wow her blood is making flowers grow she’s a QUEEN wow look at that, you go bby

- Ah fuck Jude, you got set up by the bumb ass father you have

- ABAHAHAHAHHHAH this isn’t funny but Jude falling from the rafters onto the banquet table is on par with the beauty of Kaz and Wylan falling through the ceiling onto Van Eck’s dining room table heheheh

- @hollyblack can I breathe??? Shit girl

- Cardan said THATS MY WIFE 

- Wow Cardan washing Jude’s hands herself??? This boy is in loooove

- Oak and Jude’s maid playing Uno ????? Iconic

- “You’re generally terrifying” oh same Cardan

- So Jude really could have pardoned herself this whole time!!!!!! Come ON sis how didn’t you pick up on that WE picked up on it (don’t worry tho we know you’ve been stressed it’s okay you’re here now)

- And Cardan really expected her to pardon herself I have no words for this boy 

- Jude and Cardan’s relationship is so strange but at least it’s healthy now, you know?

- Look at Cardan being vulnerable and Jude not being mean to him for it 

- He’s being KIIIIIND WHAATTT

- “This is my room, and that’s my wife” AAHAHAHHAHH

- Cardan touches her hair oh my gooooooood i’m dying send help

- Can y’all tell I’ve been deprived lol

- Hahahahah Jude trashed Lady Asha, as she should 

- So I think I like QoN Cardan the most, although I did find Cardan in the first two books terribly entertaining to read about (Srry Jude)

- So Taryn seems to be behaving better than she did in the first two books, kind of being a badass, knowing the Ghost’s true name and all

Cardan likes hearing about slushy machines are you kiDDING ME????

- “Our marriage is an alliance” okay but you sleeping in his shirts isn’t, now, is it? Or how about him petting your hair? Or you thinking he looks cute in gold eyeliner?? lol Jude get real

- Aw I like this Fand/Jude freindship us girls gotta look out for each other

- Grima Mog more like Grima MOM lol

- “Big horns, little dude” LMAO HEATHER STOPP

- I’m enjoying Heather, I have to say

- Finally they kiss it only took TWO HUNDRED PAGES 

- oh guys they really like each other im soft

- Casual hand holding? yes 

- I can’t believe these are the same idiots who were trying to drown each other in the first book 

- look they’re trying to be vulnerable and without armor I’m gonna cry

- I feel quite uneasy about this Queen Suren girl who’s parents have her leashed somehow

- Oh wow fuck Grimsen am I right

- Oh SHIT Cardan really broke the crown like it didn’t mean shit to him...the development...the wisdom

- Cardan really said I want my WIFE and my PEOPLE 

- Oh wait fuck fuck fuck oh no stop wait

- Lmao Jude collapsing on the floor is literally me whenever I have to be in charge

- Okay there’s gotta be a way out of this, I didn’t mean it literally when I said Cardan was a snake

- Hey, Jude’s like, smart as shit, no?

- Hahahaha she basically said “Cardan is like, 90% of my impulse control”

- I love how Taryn is hyping Jude up throughout this while shitshow, I love how the two of them have developed past their book one probems

- The Bomb teasing Jude about the dust on her skirts made my day

- Look at Jude really having healthy realtionships with the women around her, I’m so proud of my little murder gir

- Nicassia better come in clutch here, I don’t trust Jarel or Nore not one bit

- Uhhh that story Heather told about the snake that wanted to marry the princess made me howl with laughter and I don’t think it was supposed to

- Vivi got Cardan a snowglobe that says “Congratulations on your promotion” for his coronation gift and he kept did DID EVERYONE HEAR ME I SAID VIVI-

- Oh damn Kaye alright no need for all that

- Ohhhh I had totally forgot about the dress in book one that Jude ordered but received a different one instead... Cardan sent it?? wild 

- Okay I hope Jude knows what she’s doing but when has she ever not

- The UNDERSEA HEEEEEELLL YEAH

- Oh look and Cardan!!!!!!! Yeah Jude knew what she was doing that’s my girl

- Awwww look at that hug wow the development these two have been through is unreal I’ll keep saying it 

- “I knew little else, but I always knew you” KILL ME

- Oh wow mortals and mingling more with the folk this is good

- Robert of Jersey lmaoooo

- So the Ghost and Taryn ??? Kind of funny but I’m kind of here for it

- I’m literally so close to tears and I’m not kidding they’re having a fucking WEDDING CELEBRATION in the MORTAL WORLD with a banner that says “Congrats Newlyweds” yeah I’m crying now thanks a lot Holly

- Cardan adjusts his paper crown in the microwave reflection so it’s skewed......I don’t think I can react any more I really afjsflsdk

-Wow that was better than anything I could have imagined, hoped for, dreamed of

- The character development, the plot, the resolution, EVERTHING was astounding I’m blown away

This was long as shit If you made it this far, I appreciate you lol. Now go read all three Folk of the Air books again. Go now

[santiagoswagger]

happy secret santa!

Hey, @littlemisspraetor! I’m your secret santa! You said you love fics with pining, so I hope you like this :) 🎁

we’ll take a cup of kindness yet

Jake and Amy accidentally spend their first New Year’s Eve together. 

Set about a year before the pilot.

Amy Santiago hated New Year’s Eve nearly as much as she hated Halloween.

Every bar in the city was overcrowded and overrun with tourists, drinks were astronomically expensive and she almost always ended up as designated driver when her friends had too much to drink. But she’d had big plans for this year: she and Kylie were going to have a crazy girls’ night in, complete with a Jeopardy! drinking game, a Sudoku competition and a screening of An Inconvenient Truth. It was going to be so dope.

Her plans had not, however, included a surprise visit to the emergency room.

She and Peralta had spent the last few weeks staking out a gang in their precinct, gathering intel and learning their movements and patterns. Captain McGintley had decided earlier in the evening that they finally had enough evidence to make arrests, but a miscommunication left them without enough backup and the takedown was tough. They managed to bust the operation and arrest the top-level leaders, but in the chaos, Amy had been knocked out cold by an incensed perp attempting to escape from his handcuffs.

NYPD protocol mandated that she go to the hospital to get checked out, and Amy wasn’t one to argue with protocol, as much as she wanted to on this particular night.

Sarge rode in the ambulance with her to the hospital after arriving on the scene, despite her many protests that she was just fine, while Peralta stayed behind to finish processing the perps. When they finally reached Brooklyn Methodist (add traffic to the list of everything Amy hated about this holiday), the waiting room was packed with people, from drunken partiers to coughing children. Not even a police badge and Terry’s enormous muscles could get Amy home to her warm bed before midnight.

As they waited, Amy in a wheelchair the EMTs insisted she sit in due to the blow her head had absorbed, she noticed that Terry kept obsessively checking his phone.

“Sarge, what’s wrong?” she asked.

He sighed and paused before answering. “It’s Sharon. She’s asking when I’ll be home, but I told her I was needed here,” he said, radiating kindness.

Amy was touched, but his words only made her feel guilty for keeping him from his family. Sharon was pregnant and needed her husband far more than Amy did. “Terry, I’m fine. I’m not dying, I’m only here to get checked out. Go home and be with your wife.”

He looked torn. “Are you sure? No one should be alone in a hospital.”

Amy smiled, but she was sure it looked more like a grimace as she steadfastly ignored her pounding headache and sore ribs. “Yes, I’m sure. Go before I change my mind.”

He smiled and gently squeezed her shoulder, reminding her of her most protective brother, Miguel. “Okay, I’ll go. Feel better, Santiago. Call me if you need anything.”

She nodded. “Will do, Sarge. And thank you.”

He left, and Amy’s head began pounding again in earnest. Luckily, a nurse appeared a few minutes later to wheel her into a room with a bed so she could wait for a doctor in comfort. She was one step closer to going home and forgetting this night ever happened.

She was just getting settled under the stiff white sheets when the high-pitched squeak of sneakers in the hallway signaled the arrival of her obnoxious toddler of a partner. He slid into the doorway, panting heavily.

“Peralta, what are you doing here?” she asked, surprised to see him. She’d assumed the crime scene would have taken a lot longer to process, and she wasn’t sure she wanted him in her hospital room – she didn’t want to know what kind of damage he could cause in such a delicate setting.

He collapsed into the chair beside her bed and caught his breath. “Sarge called me. He said you shouldn’t be alone.”

Amy huffed and sank further into her pile of flat, lifeless hospital pillows. “I’m fine on my own, Peralta, you know that.”

He smirked. “You don’t need to tell me you’re a badass, Santiago. You took a body slam from a gangster like a champ. Not gonna lie, it turned me on a little.”

Amy’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Ew, Peralta. There’s nothing sexy about a head injury.”

“That’s what you think,” he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Amy rolled her eyes and turned on the small TV in the corner of the room, hoping the sounds of Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest would drown him out.

They sat in silence for a while, which was truly an impressive feat for the man at her bedside. She shivered as a cold gust of air conditioning hit her. “Why are hospitals always so cold? It’s freezing outside, it doesn’t need to be freezing inside too,” she ranted through chattering teeth.

Jake wordlessly shrugged off his trusty leather jacket and handed it to her, but Amy wasn’t having it. “Jake, it’s fine. The doctor should be here soon and we can both go home.”

He shook his head, amused. “Just take the jacket, Santiago.” She did and she hated the instant relief it provided. It smelled just like him, which was strangely comforting.

The minutes passed and Amy sighed. “Sorry you’re stuck here with me. I’m sure you had big plans tonight.”

“Nah,” Jake smiled. “Not unless you consider Die Hard and a couple of 40’s to be big plans.”

Amy laughed outright. “Peralta, that is so sad. At least I was going to be with someone.”

Jake narrowed his eyes at her. “Kylie doesn’t count, Santiago.”

Amy stared him down before conceding and accepting defeat. “Fine, we’re both losers,” she said, turning her attention back to the television where the ball was about to drop.

Jake nodded, his gaze lingering on her. “Yep, both losers.”

The crowd in Times Square began to count down, Jake excitedly joining in and forcing Amy to as well. They high-fived as the clock struck midnight and 2013 began.

“Happy New Year, Santiago,” Jake said, beaming.

She smiled back. “Happy New Year, Peralta.”

The new year was already full of promise – it was one of her better New Year’s Eves, after all.

[praphit]

Captain Marvel: I dream of Breezy

People, the time has come!

Ever since we saw Nick Fury sending out a message at the end of "Infinity War", we've been waiting... which in the moment seemed out of place. The world is literally disappearing before our eyes, The Avengers took a big L, and Nick Fury decides to... what? pull out some high-tech weapon to save the day? - no. Pull out some type of device that will save himself from disappearing? - no. But, he's got time to take a selfie or tell his women "bye" - or so I thought. He was actually sending a message to the mysterious (at the time) Captain Marvel!

BOOM!

Brie Larson, who plays CM, was always hanging out at Marvel events, and we finally figured out why. It was strange at some of these events tho... like the Black Panther Party - all of these people from Wakanda -

- and then there's Brie Larson.

And they're like "What the hell, woman?! Why are you here?!"

But, now we KNOW! - she's Captain Marvel!

SPLADOW

- and she's going to play a huge role in saving the day. Then, we found out that she's getting her own movie, and it's about damned time it has arrived.

I had a dream about Brie the night before this movie's release. She was sitting on the couch, and was upset about something. She also had... well, maybe she was pregnant... or she had a beer gut. But, in this dream, I remember feeling a deep love for Brie, so even if it was a beer gut, it didn't matter to me. It would also mean tht she's passionate about beer, which I am as well:)

I don't know if we were a couple, or if she was the other woman, or if I was the other man... or if I was trapped in the friend zone, and thought I'd use this time of her being upset to break free and into her arms... Who knows?? I also don't know what she was upset about. But, towards the end of the dream, I was on the couch with her, giving her a hug:) - she let me, so I know she wasn't upset at me. I woke up and shouted "Brie!" And within seconds, I realized it was all a dream... or was it? Maybe she's my wife in another dimension. We'll solve that mystery later, it felt real as hell tho.

Anyway! We have Brie as Capt M. We also have a digitally young Sam L Jackson!

Before the brooding, the scars, the all black uniform, the badass eye patch, and him demanding to know what's in my wallet, he was a young pup of a detective, who loves cats apparently. I was excited to see more of his story.

Jude Law is also in this movie. He's rockin that look when you're losing your hair, but you jell it up a bit to look like you're still young and hip. Some people can pull off the look, but it's always the beginning of mid-life crisis. Whenever I see people walking down the street with that look, I always tell them that I'm praying for them.

When was Jude's last big movie? I ask because Jude is supposed to be a big star right?? - or at least he was. Yet I never see him at any Marvel parties. Is he not invited? Why don't they like Jude? "Jude" is such a cool name. I'd want him at the party, so I could say things like "You know JUUUDE'S going to be here." and "Excuse me, but I need to go speak with JUUUDE." Why don't they want him there? Is it because of his mid-life crisis? I have a feeling that when rich, famous, white men go through their mid-life crisis that it's ten times worse than other non-those things people. Anyway, yet another mystery to solve.

Djimon Hounsou is up in there as well - I feel like he never gets enough credit for being in everything. And Ben Mendelsohn, who's frickin awesome as a villainous character.

We've got a great cast, some kick ass special effects (which btw they put their budget to good use - the bg's and fight scenes were dope), AND we got the 90's going on! We saw from the trailer that Capt Marvel smash-lands through the roof of a BlockBuster Video store. Memories, am I right?? Some of you are prob too young to remember the pain of renting a DVD season. I remember trying to rent epi's 3 & 4 or something, but they might only have 1 & 2 and 5-10. I'd have to search around at other BlockBuster's (especially if I promised a lovely lady on a date that we'd watch a certain episode when we got home) or say "eff it!" and watch it out of order. I used flirt with the clerks to ensure they'd lmk when the epi's I needed were in. Turnin BlockBuster tricks for episodes... the 90's were rough. The movie takes you down a fun lane of memories, if you remember those days tho.

In the midst of nostalgia Capt Marvel is snatched away from her successful life as a pilot, taken to space where she is made into the Capt Marvel that we come to know, finds herself back to earth to hang out with Sam L while piecing together the memories of her past, all while a war is going on with a shape-shifting alien race called "Skrulls"

 - they kinda look like Yoda's people.

Ooo! maybe tht's another mystery! It would fit too, because a lot of this movie feels like Star Wars - like Star Wars meets a 90's buddy cop sitcom.

I enjoyed the movie. I had a fun time with it. There are some compaints out there: Some wanted this movie to be deeper in story. Some wanted this movie to be more soaked in serious feminism. Some wanted this movie to be less soaked in general feminism. Some were bothered by Brie Larson, believing that she's too stoic in her delivery.

Um... I don't understand the complaints about feminism (on either side). If you are looking for the feminism, it's def there. BUT, if you simply want to enjoy a movie without too much serious world stuff in it, that's def there too. You'll see or not see whatever you want, I guess. I would compare this movie more to "Ant-Man" in tone. Not as goofy, but it stays fun and light.

Now, it definitely could have been a deeper movie - CM is kidnapped, violated, and lied to - but Marvel ain't dumb - they don't want THAT to be the kid's first impression of her - that might effect sales. Besides, we don't always have to be so serious and tense all of the time.

Ex. In Ant-Man, he always goes big at some point and ends up crushing people's property, and probably crushing people around him as well - we don't talk about that. And what about his manipulation of those ants?! When you think about it, that shit ain't right! But, we don't need to talk about it:)

And I'm of course going to defend my wife from another dimension (Breezy). A lot of her personality is implied from the flashbacks, but we see she's snarky, fun, and a bit of a loose canon. I understand to a degree what people are saying, but I think the blame goes more to the writers than Brie. Also, the fact that there's non-stop war going on throughout the movie, so there's not a whole lot of down time to get to know her in depth.

The writing to me, is the biggest flaw of this movie: The villainous character that Ben Mendelsohn plays brilliantly is inconsistent. In the beginning of the movie, he's no-nonsense "We need to kill her and anyone who gets in our way". Then, later on, it's like he joins in the 90's buddy cop sitcom fun. He's crackin jokes and talkin shit - which btw (and I admit this is a nitpick) how does he know how to use slang and idioms, if he'd never been to the planet before? I also have other questions about shape-shifting - like... they can change into whomever they see, but... how do they get the details right? - or do they? Let's say somebody has a third nipple and a bad case of athlete's foot... how could they get those deets down? or even the voice - how do they copy your insides? And how do they copy your mind enough to fool people? I'm getting way too deep into this, I suppose... more mysteries smh.

Can you imagine if we all had the ability to copy one another?? Which takes identity theft to a ho nova level. Also sexual harassment... I mean let's say you wanted to feel what Chris Hemsworth's butt felt like.... you kinda could whenever you wanted to. Like I said, we don't need to go deep with everything:)

The writing is also too quick; the whole movie is - we don't get to know much more about Fury or any of the characters really - especially CM. At the end of the movie, I found myself not being invested enough in Capt to care if a sequel is made. I mean, I care if my wife from another dimension gets more of that Marvel money, but that's something different. There's also a part in the movie when she realizes she has been lied to... she gets over this very quickly. Most of us with that type of power would have went on a drunken rampage, but she just throws a slight tizzy, and moves on to kick butt. It would have been a great time to show some human traits that would have helped us relate to this character.

I also fear that they might run into the prob they run into with Superman. Supe is sooooo powerful and he doesn't have many flaws. It's flaws that draw us to characters as much as anything. We didn't get enough of the human side of CM. BUT, all in all (like I said), I enjoyed the film. But, I didn't have any expectations going in. I think if you go in like that, you'll be satisfied.

Grade: B

I wonder if Brie had a dream about me as well. I wonder if she's blogging about some lovable, praphitic... and sexy black man whom she feels like she had a loving life with, but then woke up. She's probably telling someone right now "I was preggo with his beer child (idk what that is, but it's another dimension - diff rules) and he was about to comfort cuz I was upset over stubbing my toe." That's prob all it was right?? I guess we'll never know:)

[literaphobe]

listen

Jake and Amy's first child is named Nakatomi, because Jake's been promoting it as a possible name to Amy for ages ("Works for a boy or a girl!")-- he comes up with PowerPoint presentations filled with creatively colored pie-charts, bar graphs, statistical analysis

Even a binder is produced, filled with all sorts of documents and printouts denoting reasons they should name their child Nakatomi

"Aside from being a badass iconic building, Nakatomi was an influential clan in ancient Japan! Can you believe that, Ames? That's like- the old Japanese mafia! Our baby can be a symbol of HISTORY, and you love history!"

Amy agrees to the name Nakatomi, not because of all the detailed PowerPoint presentations and organized binders (she won't lie, Jake's efforts lead to a lot of sex, which doesn't matter since she's already pregnant) but because seeing how happy the name Nakatomi makes Jake... hell he could've suggested Garbage Can as their first child's name and she might (emphasis on might) have agreed

When Nakatomi's born, Jake surprises Amy with the name he's written on the birth certificate- Nakatomi Helvetica Peralta (Jake had suggested hyphenating, but there's enough Santiagos to go around already, so)

Amy's laughing on the hospital bed in an otherwise silent ward full of resting parents-- she can't believe her first born daughter's name is Nakatomi Helvetica Peralta, but she wouldn't trade any of it for the world. She actually loves that her favorite font is her baby's middle name, and she loves her crazy husband who made the call

"If you don't like it we can always change it," Jake sheepishly remarks as his fingers run through his hair, "I know I've been harping on this Nakatomi thing for months, and that was selfish of-"

"No," she tells him, firmly. "I love it. I love her--" she reaches for his face and kisses him sweetly--"and I love you."

Jake gives her a look of awe, and chuckles. "It is a crazy name though--"

"It is. But you're crazy, and I married you because I love that about you. And I'm crazy too, because I actually love this name- for one, it's definitely not boring."

If one had walked up to Amy in the street ten years ago and told her that her first child would be named Nakatomi Helvetica Peralta, she would have run away screaming. Although, if that same someone had told her back then that Jake Peralta would also be the father of her children, she would've run away screaming too.

Now, looking at his face of awe, she's never felt happier.

"I love you so much--" he tells her, and she feels it so strongly--"but our baby's totally gonna get beat up at school when she's older."

Amy laughs, really truly laughs. "No she's not, because she has us as parents."

"And we aren't exactly fantastic examples of 'not getting bullied as kids', babe."

They take to calling Nakatomi 'Tomi' for short, and even though everyone sighs heavily when they find out what Jake and Amy have named their first child, Tomi grows on everyone because she's literally the most precious thing

As a toddler learning to speak, she keeps messing up the pronunciation of The Enigma's name, as she can't pronounce 'Eh' and 'Ma', yet, she keeps referring to The Enigma as 'Dee Nee'. In the following years, 'Deenie' is the only nickname The Enigma accepts

The Enigma's largely the main reason why Nakatomi doesn't get made fun of at school for having a different name. Namely, when Nakatomi's old enough, The Enigma gives her a knife as a birthday present, and teaches her how to use it

This knife is obviously one of the many knives Rosa Diaz owns that she lets her adoptive daughter The Enigma have access to

Amy gets really scared when she finds a knife in Nakatomi's bag, but upon seeing how good she is at using it, they let her keep it (with stern warnings not to bring it to school any more and to make sure it's in a safe place so she doesn't harm herself)

Jake asks Nakatomi to sneak him one of Rosa's top notch knives (she refuses to tell Jake where she gets them, he suspects that she makes them herself)

When baby number 2 comes around, Jake and Amy take a more traditional course in the naming department

That's how their baby boy gets named Raymond Terrance Peralta, because "Harry Potter really messed up the whole 'naming your kid after two role models' thing"

Holt and Terry are beyond touched when Jake and Amy tell them their first son's name. Terry bursts into tears immediately, while a single tear falls from Holt's eye

It's one of the best moments ever, although the rest of the squad is jealous they didn't get kids named after them

At work, Jake's favorite thing to do in the mornings is bring his infant son, point at Captain Holt and say 'Big Ray Ray' before pointing to baby Raymond and saying 'Little Ray Ray'

On multiple occasions, Holt has to retire to his office because he can't handle the Emotions he feels

Jake and Amy love calling their son their 'Ray' of sunshine, Jake especially

Nakatomi loves that she's named after a dope ass building in Die Hard, and it becomes her favorite movie too

She also starts a band called Tomi! Tomi! Tomi! Tomi? as a teenager

It flops

[cholarevolution-blog]

Our bad-ass woman’s story is rated R this week!

So, when I was told I was a badass, I agreed, but there’s always that lurking part of me that doesn’t want to admit it, or take credit.

 Krystal asked me to share my story, and SO I’m going to try to do just that!

 What makes me badass?

 I think there’s a lot of different aspects that make me a badass woman.

 But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’m going to try to be succinct and not ruminate too much on story…

 I grew up in Anchorage, AK. My parents are still married today (43 years this year <3) and I have two younger brothers. I was always the “fifth wheel” literally. I never really fit in at school. I was always the weird high energy girl, even tho I thought I was shy (hahaha)

 My family has lived on the same cul de sac since before I was born.

 So, here’s the highlights….

 I was a good kid, mostly. Minus the occasional sneaking out of the house to hang out with the neighbor kids lol

Until I graduated in 1999 with a 3.28 GPA.

Then I started partying a little harder.

Smoked a little weed.

Got blackout drunk. A lot.

Did LOTS of acid.

Tried some coke.

Started stripping at the good ol’ Fantasies on 5th. Spent my 19th birthday in the club. (I still have a polaroid to prove it, lol)

Quit after 2 months (and after making over $10k)

I couldn’t hack it. Not my style. I didn’t feel I belonged. I was no hustler.

Picked up a cocaine habit. Kinda bad. But not too bad. Yet.

I enrolled in the Diesel engines & Heavy Equipment Repair program at AVTEC in Seward AK.

Got a DUI. 1st offense in AK is 72 hours mandatory jail time.

Turned 21.

Spent my Christmas break from Diesel school in jail after being convicted for the DUI officially.

I tore down, rebuilt and successfully started & ran a Detroit 671 in-line 6 cylinder Marine application Diesel engine from the ground up. Among many other awesome accomplishments in diesel school. Including performing LOF’s and other maintenance on heavy equipment. Precision performance is kind of my thing.

Graduated as a Diesel mechanic in 2003.

Started working for the local Freightliner dealership in Anchorage.

Kept partying.

Met a guy. He was a red head too. We started dating.

Toxic relationship but I loved him.

He died from a snow machining accident in April 2004.

Then I met another guy in Sept 2004. We hit it off. Fast.

By November I was 8 weeks pregnant.

I wanted to be a mom since age 13.

But it wasn’t meant to be.

Against my own will, in Dec 2004, I terminated the pregnancy.

It was one of the most horrible experiences I’ve ever had.

(Side note: I’ve since done a ton of work on that trauma, but it was a painful heart-wrenching experience.)

Then my addiction really took a turn for the worst.

I started doing cocaine all the time. Then I started smoking crack.

I continued to party & work (I did Accounts Payable for several construction companies all during my teen years through my 20’s and into my 30’s)

In 2007 I finally realized that I had a problem. 
I went to detox for a week, got out, got distracted by a boy, and found myself back in the bar and back at the crack houses.

So I decided to jump ship. 
I moved to WA in Oct 2007. I figured if I didn’t know where the dope houses were, I’d be able to get sober….

It didn’t exactly work that way, but it turned out alright.

I moved to the Seattle area. Stayed with friends for a few months.

Drank heavily, but it was OK because I wasn’t smoking crack. So I thought it was better.

This went on for a few months. 
Then, I did the unthinkable. I asked a total stranger where I could find “uppers” and boy, I knew how to pick em! Cuz of course he knew where to go!

I started getting high again.

Running the streets. Sucking dick for crack. Yeah, that bad.

No, I’m not proud of it, but I’m not ashamed. It’s part of my story.

It went on for a couple months. I lost 40 pounds in less than 2 months on the “stem-fast” diet…
Then I got busted at work. They sent me to treatment through the Employee Assistance Program.

I went to treatment in April 2008.

I’ve been sober ever since.

I got a sponsor, worked the steps, and then worked them again and again and again and again. I’ve taken many women through the steps, all of the women that made it through all 12 steps are still sober today.

This year in April I’ll be celebrating 10 years of sobriety, free from ALL mind altering substances (except coffee. duh.) lol

I quit smoking cigs on my 1 year sober birthday.

I was hit by a car in 2009 while walking. 
I was walking my dogs. My mini dachshund Ginger didn’t survive the accident. The car ran over her clean down the middle. I watched as the life left her body in the street where we were struck.

But I didn’t get high.

I had my identity stolen - by someone I knew. 
She raked my name and my social security number over the coals. It was bad.

The detective that worked the case said he’d been doing this for over 15 years, and he’d never seen any ID Theft case this nasty.

But I didn’t get high.

I cleaned it up. I fixed my credit. And I went to court and testified because I thought it was important that I carried the message that she didn’t have to keep living that way. Drugs were involved. And stealing money from innocent people? There was a different way to live. I was living walking breathing proof.

Then I met my husband. Through a PAID matchmaking service! (It was rather expensive too, but worth every penny lol)

We met in Dec of 2014, got married in Oct 2016 - and then I left corporate America in Dec 2016.

I got certified as a yoga teacher in Aug of 2016, and graduated as an integrative nutrition health coach not long after. I started my biz journey teaching yoga and nutrition coaching.

I spent all of 2017 building my coaching business. Training, learning & traveling. I went to Maui 3 times, Paris, flew through Iceland & Germany, went to Phoenix, Asheville, Dallas, Alaska, LA, Milwaukee, Rhode Island and probably more places that I don’t remember. 
I invested in high level mentorship to grow my business. Now, I run a thriving and profitable coaching practice helping women coaches and entrepreneurs from all over bust through their visibility blocks, quit hiding, and make a big impact and income with their gifts.

 I truly owe everything to God, my spirituality, and all the amazing supporters I have in my life from my husband to my family to my friends and all my entrepreneurial pals!!! 
I love my job. I love my clients, and I love my life.

 I am one blessed badass mama.