#but thats happened to me twice both times it was history teachers where they put their marking scheme in above my conclusion

[a-sleepy-ginger]

22/5/24

✿❈✿❈✿

Did well on my exam I think? Managed to write everything I prepared at least

Mango and coconut ice cream

Steak pie and sweet potato chips

Saw lots of magpies

[koko-bopp]

Flirty Criminal

Part Five

criminal!song mingi x detective!male!reader

word count – 6k

genre – low-key mature

warning(s) – blackmail, lot of choking, gun warning, degrading, mentions of death and murder

synopsis – “[Y/N] [L/N] is known famously around his police precinct as the detective that the infamous criminal Song Mingi has a crush on. The detective denies these claims, though Mingi gets into as much trouble as possible just to see him.”

Mingi didn't know what to think, two months had gone by since the two of you were seeing each other. Not explicitly romantic, he liked you, but he didn't want to move to fast. For the last two months it had been about enjoying each other's presence and going on dates; like, fuck, he rented his friend's dog for three weeks just to take you to a dog cafe.

But, it had been a week since the whole fiasco of your soon-to-be ex-husband ruined the perfect date, it was also the night Mingi begun to be suspicious of your intentions with him.

Sure, a detective that technically works for the state and a criminal that has lived all his life going against the state was a little bit... foreign to many.

But, Mingi works in mysterious ways, it's safe to assume his brain resets any emotions he may have for a person as soon as something suspicious happens.

Not to say that Mingi didn't have his guard up the whole time he's been around you, but it gives a little sting in his heart thinking that you tried to play him as if he were a fool, Mingi wanted to know why specifically, Wayne Haulting was in charge of your operation, there's some history to be unveiled.

Mingi suggested that you come to his mansion for a date this time, since the last date ended up being interupted by a bafoon.

"How was work?" Mingi asked, his eyes fixated on the road ahead, but his attention to you.

"Relatively alright," You chuckled, "A kid and her dad came to the station with fajitas to give a thanks. It was sweet, made my whole afternoon."

Mingi smiled, then gently crawled his hand over it take yours into his. He interlocked fingers with you then bought it up to give it a small kiss.

"What?" You giggled.

"Nothing," Mingi said, suddenly a bit stern, "I just missed you."

✨

Mingi pushed you onto the leather couch so your back was against the neck of it. You watched him get on top of you immediately with a big smirk on his face, reaching down to peck your lips softly at first, then brought his hand up to cup your jaw to deepen his kisses.

Your eyes were closed, enjoying what Mingi was providing and vice versa. The smell of his cologne lingered in the air, and it made it all the more enjoyable. Mingi pulled away for a second, looking at you with a smile, "You good, baby?"

A soft sigh left your lips, indicating your answer, one that made Mingi content. He began to unbutton your shirt, only so much to reveal your chest, but he continued to mould his lips against yours until his hand moved from your jaw to your neck, a gentle but authoritative grip around the flesh. You could feel the smirk on his lips.

Though you felt something told against the side of your jaw. Metal and cold.

A gun.

Your eyes flew open and you pulled back from the kiss. Mingi opened his eyes like everything was normal, a dangerous smile on his face.

"M-mingi? What the fuck?" You accidently stuttered, placing a hand on his wrist.

"Baby," Mingi chuckled venomously, "You have ten minutes to explain to me why Haulting is so calm about us hanging out," He pushed the gun further into your skin, making your breath stiff, "Unless you want a bullet through your head."

You frowned, "You'd kill a detective and think you're not gonna suffer the consequences?"

"My house in sound proof, detective," Mingi laughed, "And kind of up a hill decently away from people, it would take about three days until people find you... And a few hours and good lawyers are all I need to get rid of you."

You'd been doing your best to remain calm, the hand around your throat and the gun at your jaw making you tense heavily, but Mingi's words were terrifying you the most.

His gripped around your throat tightened when you didn't respond almost immediately, "I think you're forgetting who's got the gun here, baby," he said lowly.

"I– Yeah, Haulting hired me to get dirt off you," You finally admitted, not hearing Mingi's chest shattering in the process.

"Is he looking for anything in particular?"

"The fuck do you think?" You snapped, the grip you had around his wrist was a lot firmer now and your brows were furrowed in anger, "You're a fucking criminal, Mingi. You've killed innocent people, you've distributed illegal substances and firearms–"

"Killed innocent people?" Mingi laughed bitterly, "Did you get that outta' Haulting's ass? Where'd you hear that from?"

You looked at him in confusion, but also in anger, "The police report said–"

"You're little tree-shredded report is bullshit. My gang aren't involved in drug trade or the killing of innocent people," Mingi spat, his jaw clenched. Seeing you get more confused got him to let out a humourless laugh, rolling his eyes as he pulled down the hammer of the gun, the second last step neccasery before pulling the trigger. He watched you squirm, but tightened his hold on your throat before frowning at you, both your noses only five or so inches from each other, "You're getting on my nerves a bit, baby."

"I don't know what answer you're hoping for!" You fought, "Yes, Haulting hired me to hang around you like a dog as soon as I requested to move precincts after Ty cheated on me–"

"So that wasn't a lie?" Mingi asked, almost too surprised. That would mean the night at the bar was the first day you were undercover.

You shook your head frantically.

"Anything interesting you found, Detective?" Now he got to the point, gun and throat in hand, whatever you next answer was determined your vital status, "You better share now, or you might hurt a bit."

"Fuck! I literally just know your schedule! Thats literally it!" You yelled at the point, tears definitely threatening to spill, the helplessness was getting overwhelming, "I know your fucking favourite colour is dark blue, I know you'd eat chicken for the rest of your life if you could, that you used to visit the sauna twice a week though it only depended on your free time, but you don't go anymore because you spend that time with me!"

You saying that turned some gears in your head. There was a silence in the room, like Mingi didn't know how to respond and honestly, you hadn't noticed Mingi's behaviour until you finally said it out loud. Mingi looked at you like your confession didn't bother him, when deep down, it kind of did.

An airless and bitter laugh left your lips, your eyes looking at as if you'd figured something out, "There's something I didn't figure out, isn't there?" You smiled sarcastically. Mingi didn't give you an immediate response, you took that as an answer, scoffing, "Shit. You're actually in love with me, aren't you?"

"You think too far and you actually missed a few steps, Detective," Mingi had his jaw locked in place as his heart accidently started beating too.

You laughed, "Then what, Mingi? what'd I miss?"

A fabricated smirk painted its way onto Mingi's lips. The gun still at hand and on your jaw, the grip around your throat becoming somewhat comfortable and less threatening. Somewhat. The look in Mingi's eyes became more like when a teacher would look at a particularly dumb student. "Haulting never told you my dad was involved in his game of weapon trade, huh?"

You furrowed your brows, swallowing so hard that that you could feel the gun move against your jaw. You didn't know where in Mingi's eyes to stare into, but yours were searching for other places. You quickly responded, "I have a feeling you're gonna tell me.."

Mingi scoffed, a grin on his lips, "Haulting owed my dad money long before he passed. Haulting didn't want to use his own cash to buy weapons, so made a deal with my old man that if he supplied him, Haulting wouldn't touch his gang."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Your mind was literally screaming at you that Mingi's wrong. He's a criminal, you can't trust them. They're dirty creatures with blood oozing from the cuts in their skin from every time they've gotten away with the things they do. Mingi is a criminal, you can't trust him.

He continued: "These aren't the toys you play with, baby boy. These were high-tech, fancy ass guns we gave. Because of the deal, though, Haulting wasn't putting enough people away. Pop's owns half the city, that's almost a million crooks he's ignoring," Mingi spoke like he was a had thought about this for a long time. He knew what Haulting did, and only turned a blind eye for appeasement's sake. "So he turned on my old man, threw hundreds of his underdogs working on the streets away. He didn't realise how much he needed the weapons when he lost it, so he begged on his fucking hands and knees in front of my dad to get em' back."

"Mingi, wait–"

He hushed you, cutely but only in a way to humour himself, "Let me finish, doll." He loosened the grip around your neck, letting your breathe that little bit more properly, but resumed regardless, "My dad wasn't a bitch, he didn't take shit from anyone, especially from someone who double crossed him. He told Haulting to pay up the cash he's used. Wanna know how much?"

It was rhetorical, but part of you still wanted to know.

"Quarter of a billion dollars," Mingi answered, "So after my old man died and I came in, Haulting thought he didn't need to pay up. New man, no need. But the minute I became mobb leader, I told Haulting he needed to pay if he wanted to avoid getting killed."

This was all too much to comprehend. Mingi's speaking another language, but this behaviour he claims in coming from your boss seemed to foreign. You've known Haulting when he was a Sargent up until he became a chief. Not that you were close to him, and that was probably why, but you'd never expect such a thing from him.

"It's been two years, not a single cent. Haulting doesn't have three security guards around him for no reason, he knows he's in trouble," Mingi drew his gun away, you felt he metal off your jaw and the grip on your neck full gone. He got off of you too, but you're adrenaline was taking its time to subside, hence you didn't have the energy to move. "Haulting owes me money. So he's tryna frame anything on me to make sure he doesn't need to. I've never killed innocent people, I've never been involved in drug trade, I've always paid my taxes."

The last one made you both giggle a bit, you weren't sure how you could, knowing a gun was in your face not even a minute ago.

You looked at Mingi, "What do you want me to do with this information?"

Mingi put a hand in his pocket, the gun still in hand, but his body facing slightly sidewards. There was a finger that was still on the trigger, "Here's what's gonna happen," He started, carefully taking a seat on the coffee table, now facing you, no expression other than serious, "Whatever Haulting tells you to do, you report it to me. Whatever Haulting finds, you tell me. Whatever you're about to tell Haulting, you tell me first."

You scoffed, bitter venom from your words, "Suck my ass, Mingi. I don't even know if the shit you've said are true."

"I already did. You were moaning my name like a slut," Mingi barked back, glaring at you, "You'll do as I say or Haulting learns that I found out you're his little puppy, I don't think he'll be pleased."

He was right. Especially if he was right about before. Bad things happen when you know too much..

Mingi got up into his feet, then took a harsh grip of your chin do you looked up at him. A gasp left your lips, one that made Mingi smirk, "Do we have an agreement, Doll? This is business now."

[dulcejam]

pain

when i was younger, my friends ran from me. it was during a mile run and i had always failed because i was a fat girl who hated exercise. i tried hard that day, to catch up to them because they seemed to be having fun. every time they saw me catching up, they would yell and run faster. i didnt make the correlation until they told me, later, that my presence told them they weren’t doing good enough. never have i wanted to disappear so much than that moment where my existence meant failure.

when i was older than that, there was a boy in my class. he was a bit of a class clown, and he was also a little person of color like me but of a different race. there was this game kids would play in class where if you had a stitched tag that showed through the back of your shirt, you would hit them as hard as you could on the back of their neck. i saw his tag at the end of the day and i put my hand against it to tease him. he recoiled and yelled at me, “this is why i hate black people.” my teacher asked if i wanted to sit somewhere different from him. the principal said something like ‘i understand that his words hurt but we also shouldnt be touching other students’. i agree with that sentiment but... were his words not worse than my fingers grazing across his clothed back? was his racism justified because i did something that incurred his anger?

when i was younger than that, i think, there was this girl who i knew. she was hairy and she was ashamed of her hair when we had to change in gym class. i dont know if i ever told her, but i wish i did: that everyone has hair. it makes no sense to make fun of something that everyone has. but we were slight friends, i think. i told her i was bi-curious once. and then i forgot i told her. months later, she asked me “are you bi?” i panicked and said “i’m straight as a board.” she said, awkwardly, “you told me you were bi.” it hit me all over again what i said and i scrambled and said, “i said “bi-curious”. it’s different.” i knew even back then that it wasnt different. i knew i wasn’t bi, too. i’m pan and i say it loudly now, to make up for it. i wish that girl could hear me. i wonder if she recognizes herself as bi now. i wish i could tell her that i’m on her side. i ran because i was scared, not because i thought it was wrong.

when i was older than that, i failed another mile run. i was used to it. but was i? when i saw my gym teacher move from the right side of the field to the left and pick up his chair, i knew i had failed. that was the signal. but when i passed the finish line and my lungs burned and he gathered all us up and told us we got zeroes, i wondered what was the point. why did i try so hard when i would fail. why did they say it was for my health and then give me no points for trying. i went back into the gym that day and cried so hard that they cancelled mile runs for the rest of the year. its funny, now. but not really, because why did it take me crying my heart out for them to realize that i actually was doing my best.

a bit after that, my friend got in trouble. she had comforted me after i cried after the mile run and said “you did your best, it’s just cause you’re fat.” it was something we said to each other as comfort. we were both fat, we both did our best. she was still one of the ones who laughed and ran, when i was younger, because i was a sign of failure. she got called into the therapist office and then i did too, and we sat there awkwardly with no way to explain our little joke. the therapist got a phone call. i leaned over and said that i wasnt mad at my friend. that i didnt even know why they thought it was a big deal. i was fat and i failed running. it made sense, right? thats what everyone says. my friend had twisted her ankle, during the time it took for me to finish crying after the mile run. the people who had been around when she called me fat said that she deserved it. they laughed at her. when the therapist got off the phone, she found us laughing too. she wondered what she missed. i told her it was miscommunication and that it wasnt a big deal. she let us go. i forgive my friend for what she did. i wouldnt want to be around failure me, either, but im glad that she apologized for calling me fat anyway.

when i was older than that, my professor said the n-word in class. it was a shock, but i didnt say anything. the next day, she mentioned that people had mentioned their discomfort. others gave their opinion. i was the only black person in class that day, because the others knew what would happen. she called me out and asked what i thought. i laughed and said “i guess i see why you said it.” it was an academic work. i didnt want her to cause any more of a scene. i wish she hadnt done that. i wish i told her not to say it. will the person after me, in that next semester, have to feel that same humilation i did when i heard a white teacher who was twice my age say so confidently a word that made bile rise in the back of my throat? i’m sorry, to you.

when i was older than that, i broke up with my girlfriend. i tried to explain that it was because i wasnt prepared for a relationship anymore. i couldnt give her what she wanted and i was scared of the commitment. i dont think i explained it right because she told me i betrayed her. i still dont know how i did and im sorry i did. i loved her so much, and i’ll always remember the way she screamed “why, i don’t understand” at me. i wish i could go back and explain better and make her understand that, even if its cliche, it’s because of me. it wasn’t her fault, and i’m sorry. 

when i was older than that, another teacher made me read a book. it was a book about slavery, because i lived in georgia and the author was also from georgia i think. i knew before the class even started and before i read the summary that it would be a book i hated. why did i have to subject myself to it when every history class i learn about how much people hate me for the color of my skin or for where i come from. even though it was their ancestors who stole my people from their lands and MADE them come over here. why is it my fault. that story did nothing to help me come to terms with it. why would someone who is my skin color feel it was necessary when all we get is that. all i see when i look for people like me is slavery. i want to be more than a slave. why cant i just be me. why did they steal my people from their lands and break their links only to tell me i should be proud of where i come from. i dont know where i come from. i’ll never know.

i don’t know what i’m missing. i know there’s something in the recesses of my mind that i’ll remember when i’m trying to sleep. i dont know the point of this post. is it just gonna bring me more pain when i find it a few days from now? yeah, probably. but i dont think i’ve told anyone this. not without joking, anyway. i always make a joke of my pain. i just want someone to take me seriously for once. but it’s so hard.

my heart hurts

[thieving-magpiexhunting-tiger]

1-78 for both my boys <3

SOoooo manyyyyyy

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer? Is the dryer on? If not couch. -JM Counter. -SM

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why: Good, always good. What can I say? Good partners. -JM Same as Jim, good, good partners. -SM

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed: Fictional…I keep thinking Iron man. He looks like he would be a good bottom. -JM This isn’t something I think about too much, I will admit. James Bond? Or maybe Princess Leia? Could just be me. -SM

4: Something that never fails to make you horny: School girl outfits. Blood, knives, guns, leather, lace, need I go on?. -JM Glasses, blood, knives, pain. -SM

5: Where is one place you would never have sex: Parents grave? -JM Jimmm….-SM No, you did it there already. -JM Not what I meant. Umm…middle of a street. -SM

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________ All I can think of is TMI…a guy passed out once, said he was fine. He wasn’t fine. -JM Wrong brother. -SM

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny: I’m sure something on my above list could be considered weird. Breeding? Knotting? -JM No idea, not much for kink shamming. Ohh, being kink shamed, that’s done it. -SM

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]: Completely bind? Rope. -JM Rope. -SM

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny: See no. 4. -J&SM

10: Top or bottom? Top. -JM Top. -SM

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in] We were about to rim but then his brother walked in. -SM Weirdest threesome yet. Umm, We were about to do it but then he realized he didn’t clean out. -JM

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary? One is enough, wouldn’t say no to more. -JM Me too. -SM

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: There’s this one dildo, knotting…don’t want to talk about it. -JM Not sex related but like 50 guns. That wouldn’t look too good. -SM

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you: I’m not sure there are weird ones? Kitten, baby, Jimmy, daddy, king. -JM I’m not sure I have weird ones either. Tiger, knight, Basher, Jim’s called me that before. -SM

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex: Taste and feel. You Decide if I like or hate it. -JM Something to do with my mouth, pleasuring the other. -SM

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: Oh no, piss kinks, scat kinks, suffocation. All for choking but head in pillow holding me down? I’ll pass. -JM With Jim on the piss kinks. -SM

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] Yes, it’s okay, I would prefer it to be someone else’s or someone else to take it. -JM Have, would again, don’t mind it. -SM

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: If we want another child and know the other are clean, which we do. -JM Condoms don’t stop the kids but yeah. -SM

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had? Me. -JM Jim. -SM

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: Chocolate. Always chocolate. I would like to try whipped topping. -JM Cheese. I’m trying to convince them it’s a good idea. -SM

21: How big is too big: 8-9 is normally the limit. Could go bigger but that’s a good amount with no pain. -JM 9-10 I would say, Jim’s about that. -SM

22: One sexual thing you would never do: I think after trying the ones in 16 there’s nothing left on that list, though I would never want to try them again. -JM Yeah, I wouldn’t want to do Jim’s list on 16 either. -SM

23: Biggest turn on: Didn’t we do this already? School girl, lace, leather. -JM Pain, probably. -SM

24: Three spots that drive you insane: Nipples, hair, dick. -JM Dick, obviously, thighs, scars. -SM

25: Worst possible time to get horny: Middle of a murder? Blood everywhere, happens every time. -JM Giving a presentation in Uni. -SM

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans: Yes, always. -JM Of course, I do. -SM

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had: Gang bang of people I didn’t know. -JM Probably going to regret the cheese. -SM

28: How much fapping is too much fapping: Not something I’ve ever been much for but come on, more that once or twice a week is a bit much. -JM Once a day is fine, doing it more than that there might be an issue. -SM

29: Best sexual complement you ever got: Not sure I’ve ever got a compliment? Magic dick, maybe? -JM That I knew what I was doing and hit every spot. -SM

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji: Either of the first two. -JM If I see a landing strip, I will start laughing. Why give up when you’re so close? Finish or don’t start. -SM

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut: It can be, yeah. If it’s good for the other person. -JM I know the right answer is yes but…-SM

32: Fill in the blank: "If they ____________, we are fuckin" Have a hole. -SM Horny on main, Sebastian. I have higher standards. Are married to us. -JM Fine, marriage and all that. -SM

33: What your favorite part of your body: I like my muscle, I’m quite strong. -SM …I got nothing. Eyes, maybe? Mouth? -JM

34: Favorite foreplay activities: Kissing. -JM Touching. -SM

35: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to] > -JM = -SM

36: What do you wear to bed? Nothing to t-shirt and boxers, depending on who is there and how warm it is. -JM Nothing. -SM

37: When was the first time you masturbated: 11? -JM 10 I think. -SM

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? Yes. -JM Yes. -SM

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? Yes, every time I get a chance. Last date night. -JM Last date night it was. -SM

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside? Well this is the last question again. Yes. -JM Yes, last date night. -SM

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome? Nooooo….All the time. -JM Often we have. -SM

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? Don’t use random objects. Tooth brush once. -JM He fucked me, with a toothbrush! Ummm…Long story but a cucumber. -SM

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school? Work, yes. For a while, I worked at a school. Yes again. -JM Work yes, school, no. -SM

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane? Yes. -JM Yes. -SM

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to? That would be lost on both of us. -JM

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny? Scars. -JM Lip biting and glasses. -SM

47: Most attractive celebrity? That Michael Fassbender guy is hot. -JM You mean James Bond and Princess Leia wasn’t enough? -SM

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? No, don’t really watch any when I can just watch two of the others. -JM Same as Jim. -SM

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now? Well, the one that is currently inside me exists and isn’t out. But if there was another then we wouldn’t even know of its existence yet. -JM As old as Jim’s second one. -SM

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online? Yes. -JM No…well, actually, yeah. Yeah, those are out there. -SM

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny? We once again refer you to the dreaded number 16. -JM

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?) I don’t have them, I don’t have a problem with them. As far as I know no one has. -JM I have some, don’t mind them or anything. Don’t think the others have. -SM

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not) Don’t mind it, see 15 for why. -JM Did we mess up somewhere? This was 15 wasn’t it? Or was that receiving? -SM

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? Don’t mind them. Not one to go after people covered I them but some are okay. -JM I have a couple, don’t mind them really, it’s their bodies. -SM

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? Nope, nope, nope. -JM Nope, nope. -SM

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Garlic? -JM Hot peppers. -SM

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see? On what now? -JM What’s Tumblr and where did the e go? -SM

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?) Yes, we do not have time to go into the giant box full, that would be hours. -JM And don’t forget the dungeon. -SM

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day? I guess, still don’t know what this is though. -JM I don’t see why not. -SM

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery? I think so. -JM Yeah, I can’t think of a way that could be good, if they’re suggesting it then they aren’t happy with me. -SM

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Been the second. The first sounds better. -JM Yeah, star. -SM

62: Do you watch porn? Nope. -JM No. -SM

63: How small is too small? Don’t think there’s a thing? I mean something can be worked out. -JM Yeah, there are other things that can be done if needed. -SM

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? Yes, more times than I care to count. -JM You’ve read through the history, take your pick. -SM

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything? Seb. Yes, it meant he wanted me to put his name down as the last. -JM Jim and it meant l Iove him, it’s clear to see it didn’t mean anything to him though. -SM

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day? That’s all about controlling I think. I mean I have nothing to hide but I don’t want people to not have enough trust in me to need to take my phone. -JM They can but it would be a whole thing with work and getting in contact with me. -SM

67: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"? Not really. -JM Yeah. -SM

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair? Depends on how long it’s been and man or woman, I think. -JM I…could do it. -SM

69: If you could give yourself head, would you? Yeah, probably. -JM I think so. -SM

70: Booty or Boobs? Booty. -JM Boobs. -SM

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it? He is little J and that is enough of that. -JM If…what do they mean if? …his name is Basher. -SM

72: Have you ever been on an official date? No, never why would I do that? I’m married and have 3253270527 kids, yes, I’ve dated. -JM Yeah, too many probably. -SM

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) I was going to say Seb but we had an open relationship so no. -JM I did once, whole thing, I was trying to get out of the relationship. They didn’t want me to. I wasn’t happy. -SM

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be? Big dick? I don’t know, I’m tired. -JM In honor of Jim’s last typo Bid Bick. -SM

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?) No, I haven’t and won’t. -JM That’s just… no, no, wrong. -SM

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed? Umm terrified, they’ve been dead for 30 years. -JM I would let them finish and then burn the bed. -SM

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina What is that? -JM I don’t remember. -SM

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do? …how many things can you do with one? I mean give and receive and get yourself off but with a vagina, you can receive and get yourself off so I guess those two. If someone knows three more things, let me know. -JM Yeah, sex I guess. I don’t know what else? Am I fully a girl? Or just me with a vagina instead? -SM

[kqnsc5yt-blog]

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[booksbroadwaybbc]

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time. via /r/selfimprovement

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time.

Im so shitty. I dont even know why im writing this. Honestly I see other people post and I wonder if this actually helps. I'm at a point where If there's even a chance it could help, I should try it. Im 29, skinny black guy. I literally weigh about 130 lbs. Live with a roommate and brother. Other brother moving here in bout a week. Im older than all of them. Somehow I've got to this point in my life dropping out of every school endeavor i ever embarked on. Dropped out of High School, got my GED got into college then dropped out of that. Was too busy smoking weed, playing fighting games...just being a fool. Never been in a serious relationship at any point in my life. My love-life is non-existent. My only working background is in grocery stores and call center. I legitimately want to just stop everything. If I have to take calls for another few months that really might be it for me. I'm at the complete end of my lane. Im not here to discuss where my thoughts have gone, but I know for certain I cant keep doing this type of work for the rest of my life...I don't think I'll last to the middle of 2019 before I quit and look for another job. Speaking of that, my last 5 years of work history is just me bouncing between jobs. I got a job at software company doing customer support, but i threw that away too. They wanted to send me to Ireland, a real chance to start over and for some reason i threw it away. I just feel inadequate as hell in comparison to my brothers (one who has graduated college, the other who is going to Lincoln Tech now). I don't have problems talking to women casually, but I dont have it in me to discuss anything romantic with a woman. I wouldn't date me. If I was a woman I wouldn't even talk to me lol, let alone date me. I see my laziness, my apathy, my lack of empathy toward other people, and I know it's' shitty. I hate it, I hate myself and I absolutely must improve. I know that I can, when I actually put my mind to something I excel.

But you know what I hate more than anything? People who look for sympathy, people who want others to feel bad for them, and worst of all people who don't fucking work. So as I make this post, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. If anything insult me, because well thats what I deserve and probably what I would do to someone else.

So since im literally at the end of my fucking rope, I've been trying to rewrite my life as hard as possible. Dedicating literally every minute of every day to improvement. Literally every --single---minute of every ---single--- day. As i write this now im at work, im doing quite a few things inbetween calls, and decided to visit this reddit because I made this account and subscribed to it a few weeks ago.

I probably sound like an idiot going into detail on this, but as embarrassing as it is I will. I made a plan for myself for the next 5 years. The plan includes my goals and ways to achieve them day by day. It also includes checkpoints every so often for me to check In and make sure im actually focusing on my goals. I need these checkpoints because in the past when I tried to do things like this I would lose focus eventually and fall into loads of weed use and alcohol abuse. My goals are listed below in no particular order:

Improve my overall Health - this multi-part goal. It includes both physical and mental health. I weigh 130 lbs pretty much on the dot. I'm not sure what my ideal weight would be (I don't know how I'd look at lets say 170 lbs for me to call that my ideal weight), but the first milestone is 150lbs. I want to hit this in 6 months, or atleast check in at that time. In terms of how I plan to do that, I've detailed a complete workout regime for me. Of course, I could go into detail on that, but the most important step, more important than working out is just eating more. The hardest part of course is always sticking to the regime, but atleast i've wrote down what I need to do. I don't know why but for some reason I just have trouble getting myself to eat. Even when i'm hungry, i'll smoke or go for a walk or go to sleep or just game - I'll do anything but eat. As of today, I'm changing that. For my mental health, I plan to read recreationally more especially when on public transit which Im on for about 2 hours a day. Why reading? I need to stay away from my phone. I spend so much time on discord, losing myself in non-stop content online through youtube or twitch or whatever. I need to get back in touch with me, and not be scared to be in my own thoughts. As a kid i use to read a lot, I was a creative kid. I think somewhere in the weed use I lost that, I want it back. After doing some research I've also started journalling. I Journal twice a day, once in the morning once at night. I try to spend 30 minutes a day total (15 minutes per night/day) writing down my thoughts from the previous day and goals for that day in the morning, and what I actually accomplished and thoughts for the day that night. After reading what I've wrote for just a few days, turns out I'm actually a very bitter person. Maybe not bitter, but definitely angry and intense. I'm also trying to meditate, but Im not really good at this. What I do is just sit down in my room, light a candle, make some tea, close my eyes and think for 10 or so minutes. Any thought that comes in I try to analyze where it came from and if it's a negative thought or stemming from a negative. Im not good at this yet honestly. Its important to know these things aren't something I want to add in only for a limited time. I think I need to do this for the rest of my life, otherwise I spiral fast. My mom has suggested therapy but, I completely refuse. If I can't fix myself I won't get fixed. I'm not scared to ask for help, but therapy is out of the question until I've done absolutely everything I can to fix myself.

Develop a Skill. Particularly I want to program. I've taught myself abit of HTML, CSS, and Javascript. Honestly I'm a complete beginner, but I've dabbled abit. I've made steps to already begin teaching myself in my routine. I've been using codeacademy pro for about a month now and I'm working on deploying my own site (my first project will just be my resume on a responsive one page site, got the idea from a friend). This comes from, I have to develop some type of skill in order to move out of Customer Service. I don't know what else to even do, though IT support comes to mind but I don't want to support anymore I want to create and develop. I'm not trying to avoid work, I just want to avoid working with the general public, and I want to avoid my job being to educate others or fix mistakes they've made. Even though I think that still happens in development, I atleast want a career that pushes me mentally and forces me to improve my skillset in order to stay relevant. Most importantly, I want a job I can be proud of. A job that I myself can be proud of. Even though Customer Service/Call Centers are important for alot of companies, I cannot stand this line of work. It is so mind numbingly tedious and repetitive, and I feel like I am wasting my life and my potential handling these minor inquiries when I know I can use my mind to accomplish and work on something much greater. I don't care how arrogant or fucked up it sounds. It's not that I think i'm better than anyone, I just KNOW that i can achieve more than this. I know that im here because of how shitty of a human i've been. I'm tired of it, I have to change it.

Learn another language. The only other language I've had real interest in is Japanese. Honestly I've been at odds even with myself on this for a long time. Is it bad that I enjoy that type of culture? I'm not trying to be a "weeb" or just say it to sound cool. I've spent time learning to recognize some hiragana/katakana just on my own in the past. I don't think it's a perfect culture or anything, but its the only one that legitimate has always interested me for as long as I can remember. So i've decided to pursue it and fuck it, if I look stupid or like a weeb or whatever I guess I just have to accept that. Again I have my own routine I've detailed for myself for learning, and I have a few people I can actually practice with. I somehow got a friend of mine a job in Japan as a english teacher...but I havent done anything myself to move toward that and I know god damn well I could.

I want to become better at interacting with people. Last few months I've lost myself in just complete self indulgence. I won't go super into detail, but I think we all know what this means. Drug use, alcohol use, long nights on the internet avoiding sleep exploring the most degenerate shit man. The worst is after nights like that you can't look people in the eye, or have normal conversations. It just eats at you knowing youre not only wasting time but spending it on something so shitty and useless. Putting time off with family/friends to stay at home and waste time, I won't do shit like this anymore. When you fall into a rut like this, or whatever it is, all your relationships around you start to crumble. Then I wonder why I havent been in a relationship, lol. Well im done and hopefully by writing this It gives me strength to not fall back into that dark place and keep me on the right path. I will show I can support my family and I can receive their support as well. It will take time to repair these relationships, but If i dont start now I feel like they really will crumble forever.

This is basically my current mental state. I don't know if this even fits this subreddit but I hope it does and if not feel free to inform me. The purpose of this is to show that, I am on the path to self improvement, its all I care about right now. Being better than I've been in the past month. Better than I was yesterday, because if I dont change my life now I'm legitimately scared what I will do or where I will be 5 years from now. If you actually read all this, thanks. If you have any thoughts, please let me know. If I sound stupid, let me know. If I sound like all im doing is crying and complaining, please inform me. You have any videos I can watch on improvement, including mentalities/mindsets/meditation please let me know. Im open to anything. It took me about 2 hours to write this in between calls. As I hit post I'm going back to coding and planning on working on my first project immediately tonight. Guess i'm saying this more for myself than anyone.

Thanks for reading.

-Just

Submitted November 10, 2018 at 11:22PM by StoicJust via reddit https://ift.tt/2z213YJ