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#but the DESIRE IS THERE just to not deal with their shit
animeyanderelover · 18 hours
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Anon: How would yan chuuya, jouno, light, megumi and gojo react to a darling that just doesn't care that they're yanderes?
I already did a similar concept with Chuuya before but I added him nonetheless because I wrote this with a darling in mind that is even fine with the Yandere killing
Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, clinginess, isolation, murder
Tags: @maggiequinn59 @shumidehiro @leveyani @izanami78 @lovley-valentine7
Darling doesn't care that they are obsessed
Yagami Light
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✍️Light takes the information very well, a pleased grin on his lips when he realises that none of the things that he does seem to bother you. It’s a sign of submission from your side, something that could only ever please a man with a god complex like he has. This is how it should be after all. You should know your place and love him utterly and completely for the perfect being that he is. Light has done some terrible things in the name of his proclaimed love for you, things that he believes he has the right to do as no one is allowed to steal the person away from him that he plans to keep by his side after he has become the New God. Stealing what belongs to a deity is nothing short of a sin. A sin that has to be punished with death itself. After having confirmed that his feelings for you haven’t scared you nor have some of the actions that he has committed which you were aware of, Light starts truly testing how far your adoration and your dedication go for him. He reveals his ideologies, his mission, his identity to you as well as the future he plans to have with you all whilst you remain loving and loyal. Oh, you are indeed worthy of ruling this world alongside with him. He chose wisely.
Nakahara Chuuya
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🟠Chuuya tends to let his delusional side get the better of him yet upon initial discovery that you truly don’t care about his behavior as long as he keeps on loving you and treating you well, the Executive is a tad bit concerned. Are you sure? You’re really fine with all of this? He’s in the Port Mafia, he’s killed people for you even. It’s just hard to believe that you accept all of it as gracious as you do to the point where Chuuya wonders if you’re trying to trick him. That distrust remains for a while even if you give him no reason to doubt you. Paranoia is rarely soothed by logic after all. Once Chuuya has been convinced that you truly mean it when you say that you don’t care about his obsession he gets undeniably more delusional though. If you don’t mind his obsession after all he can’t possibly be as bad as he thought he was. He starts indulging in his obsession for you more and more as you basically give him a free pass, asks of you to move in with him so that he can protect you better all whilst spoiling the living shit out of you. He doesn’t really have to hold himself back as much anymore which leads the Executive to turn his possessive behavior up quite a bit. You won’t mind after all.
Jouno Saigiku
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♦️For Jouno this knowledge is a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand you are easier to deal with, don’t throw any tantrums which could get on his nerves and show quite a level of obedience that deeply satisfies his possessive side. The composed sound of your heart doesn’t overwhelm him but sometimes he also finds himself getting bored. Don’t forget that this Hunting Dog is still an utter sadist after all who would love to listen to the melody of your frantic heartbeat once in a while. After all it’s quite unspectacular for you to be so monotonous with your behavior and your acceptance all of the time. As much obedience and acceptance you may give him after all, it is all for naught if Saigiku doesn’t have control over you by having you fear him. Loyalty and love are not enough in his mind, not if there isn’t fear that weights you down and has you carefully thinking about every stupid decision you might make. The sadist inside of him is truly talking out of him with this desire yet Jouno never attempts to restrain his actions. Since you’ve already taken so well to everything that he’s done so far he’s sure you won’t mind learning how to be a bit scared of him~
Fushiguro Megumi
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💙Megumi’s silent paranoia has led him to justify his overprotective and somewhat overbearing behavior most of the time yet there is a shred of awareness still left somewhere inside of him. It is this last shred of sanity that is the only thing letting him know that you shouldn’t think this way, that you should be scared of him. Perhaps you’re trying to trick him? Something holds Megumi back from believing you when you first admit it to him, almost accusing you of trying to fool him so that he lets his guard down. The moment you manage to convince him though that you are speaking the truth the last shard of awareness shatters and leaves him thoroughly led by his paranoid and overprotective instincts. Of course he trusts you. It’s everyone else that he doesn’t trust though. So you two better spend time alone with each other where others won’t be able to bother the two of you. When he isn’t with you, try not to leave the house. If you do, please contact him and let him know where you are, what you are doing and when you are back home again. No, he isn’t overbearing and overprotective. He only wants to ensure your safety, wants to know you’re safe.
Gojo Satoru
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🩵Gojo totally eats your behavior up as soon as he knows that you really don’t mind his overbearing, clingy and paranoid attitude. This man has no restrains to begin with as he never holds his affection back but everything becomes even more gross for the people forced to watch as soon as you indirectly give him the free pass. The man is thrilled, constantly smothers you in love and presents and he quickly pushes this relationship to move in the direction he wants it to go. You quickly find yourself moving in with him as it takes him little to no time to convince you, you find yourself spending an almost overwhelming amount of time with him as he gets quickly jealous when you pay attention to others as his possessive and needy nature quickly cages you in. You’re compliant, you’re sweet and you love him for the person that he is which only pushes Gojo to cling tigthter and tighter to you. He finds comfort in you, he finds his peace when he’s with you and he only confines his pain and his feelings to you. You know him. You understand him. You love him. For those reasons he will never let you leave him nor will he ever let anyone lay a finger on you.
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teeny-tiny-revenge · 2 days
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So I hear we're doing asexual Sunday this week and I'm gonna contribute by extending the theme a bit into romantic orientations and floating the idea of demi-romantic Ed by you guys. There's been several posts on demi-sexual Stede (and I really like this headcanon for him), and a few demi-sexual Ed takes, but I feel like some brand of allosexual but demi-romantic Ed has merit. It's fairly clear canon that Ed has had casual sex and liked it even if not all of it was particularly satisfying apparently, the poor guy feels like he has to specify he wants orgasms with his intercourse, thank you.
But Ed is falling in love the first time with Stede. He's in his fourties, and yet this experience of falling in love blows him over like you would expect for a much younger and less experienced person. I know a lot of people like to read Ed's falling for Stede as love at first sight, instant crush, but it's as easy to read what we see on screen as friendship at first sight and then a slower falling in love with your best friend as is more common for demi-romantic people. Ed never seems confused by being attracted to Stede sexually, he can easily go for flirty swordplay and run me throughs, but what renders him wide-eyed and stunned is the moments when he realises that oh fuck is this romance happening to him? You wear fine things well 1.0 is all about Ed finding himself being romanced and he's utterly bedazzled by it. He did not see this coming at all. Romance has never happened to Ed before. Maybe he thought about it, maybe he dreamed (did he dare dream, or did it seem too made up, too unrealistic to be a possibility?). But the actual experience of falling in love? Of finding someone who just gets him, of finally finding a real friend, and then realising oh shit oh fuck he's in love with his best friend? He has no idea how to handle that.
Of course you can read everything as just being circumstances rather than any orientation stuff going on, but I think I just like the additional bit of character drama added by having gone all his life not really believing romance is a thing (or that it isn't a thing that happens to him), because it really never did happen, and then suddenly boom, on top of finally making a real friend he can be vulnerable with and finally starting to embrace his desire for retirement/a softer life/etc now there's also this entire romance thing happening and how is he supposed to deal with this.
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cosmicdahlias · 21 hours
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Can Bill Come Out To Play?
a ford x reader fic
MINORS DNI
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warnings: smut, possession, masochism, consensual torture, knife play, blood play, blood as lube, oral, spanking, choking, bruising, fainting, slapping, dubcon impreg, putting cigarettes out on you
okay y’all this one is supremely fucked up, i know i’ve written my share of dark fics but this one takes the cake if the warnings are any indication. it was a request by @thegrovesheart but i probably went way more overboard than what the anon was asking for. i’m sorry y’all are about to see how bad my kinks are, hopefully you’ll still enjoy the ride 🤞
It was late at night, you and Ford had just finished a long day of working on the portal. You were cuddled up in bed, him pressed up against you as the big spoon. He was lazily tracing his fingers over the curves of your body. You had been about to fall asleep, but the sensation of his hands on you was too arousing. You rolled over, facing him and slipped your hand to his cock.
You stroked him and he let out a soft moan, his eyes closed in pleasure. You kissed him deeply, when you pulled back he opened his eyes, they were different, wild and yellow with reptilian slits for pupils.
“Ford?”
He laughed, even his voice was off, higher, more sinister. He smiled wide, almost like the corners of his mouth were about to split open.
“I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. The name’s Bill Cipher, I’m your good old boyfriend here’s muse. I figured if I’m gonna be in his mind I might as well get acquainted the little minx that occupies his thoughts when they’re not about me. That’s right, kid, the man’s absolutely obsessed with you, well, not more than me, but you’re a close second.”
“So what do you want with me?”
“Well, dollface, I’ve been taking a peek into your dreams and I gotta say, you are quite the freak. I’m honestly impressed, most humans don’t enjoy pain nearly as much as you do. Have you told Fordsy? I doubt it, honestly he’d be too much of a pussy to do any of the shit you think about. And that’s where I come in, you love fucking Ford, but he’ll never truly satisfy you in the way you want. I have no hangups about causing pain, hell I love it! If you agree, I’ll give you everything you want and more. What do you say?”
After your time researching things like demonic possession the idea of being fucked by a demon always excited you. And the fact that he’d hurt you in ways that Ford never would? Fuck the hell yes. You should have been terrified, but when you looked into those yellow eyes you only felt desire.
“Deal.”
“Ahahaha, perfect. Let’s get started.”
Ford’s hands traveled down your body, his grip rougher than normal. He put a hand to your throat and sank his teeth into your throat. You yelped as he drew blood, it seeped down your neck and Ford dragged his tongue over the crimson liquid.
“Fuck, I forgot how good that tastes.”
He got up, searching for something.
“I know sixer keeps one around here somewh- aha!” He said, pulling out a large hunting knife.
He walked back over to the bed, getting on top of you. He dragged the flat end of the blade against your skin, every so often testing the waters by poking you with the tip light enough to not slice into your flesh, not yet. Goosebumps formed from the sensation, no one had ever done anything to you like this, you were on cloud nine.
“I think you’ll like this.” He smiled.
He let the knife travel to your inner thigh and begin to cut the soft skin. You winced and moaned. Bill let out a cold laugh.
“God you’re fucked up, kid.”
He took his time carving the words “Bill’s slut” into your thigh, pearls of blood forming at the surface. Satisfied with his work he gathered your blood on his fingertips.
“Open that pretty mouth.”
You did so and his fingers entered, the metallic taste hitting your tongue. He pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his lips aggressively to yours, tongue shoving its way into your mouth, searching for the taste of blood.
He pulled away. His wide smile hadn’t left his face since he took hold of Ford. He reversed his hold of the knife, gripping the sharp blade in his hand. He teased the entrance of your pussy with the hilt. You were dripping at the idea, inching yourself closer.
He shoved the handle aggressively inside you, fucking you with it. He didn’t let up on his grip, the knife sinking into Ford’s palm, blood trickled down the knife.
“Whoops, might as well make the best of it.”
He pulled the handle out of you and covered Ford’s blood in it before resuming fucking you with the hilt.
“Bet you never used blood as lube before have you? And judging by how wet you are I’d say you’re enjoying this.”
You whimpered, bucking your hips. Blood continued to drip from Ford’s hand, staining the sheets. He pulled the knife out and dragged you headfirst to the edge of the bed, tilting your head back back. He stroked his cock and thumbed your tongue.
“I’m gonna fuck your mouth and I’m not gonna stop even when you choke and gag on Fordsy’s cock, sound good?”
You nodded.
“Good, just try not to puke on his dick, I don’t think he’d appreciate that.”
He lined the tip up with your open lips before violently forcing his way into your mouth, holding a hand to your throat the entire time.
He thrusted relentlessly and you began to gag, saliva pooling on the floor. He pinched your nipples hard, you let out a muffled moan.
“That’s right, moan on his cock.”
He carried on fucking your mouth. Savoring your desperate attempts to breathe. He debated on covering your nose just to make things harder, he loved to see you struggle.
He pulled out, you coughed and gasped for air. He picked you up and flipped you over on your stomach, shoving your face down into the pillow and raising your ass. Ford bent over and picked up his belt. He came up behind you and brought it down hard on your ass. You moaned as a welt began to form. He continued lashing you until your legs began to shake.
“Man you really can take a beating.”
He flipped you over again, this time on your back and slipped the belt around your neck then climbed on top of you, hand tugging on the leather.
“I’ve always wanted to know what pussy feels like, Fordsy makes it sound even better than pain with the way he describes it”
He didn’t waste any time preparing you, brutally shoving his full length inside you, pumping rapidly. He moaned loudly.
“Ah ahahaha, fuck, now I see why sixer fantasizes about this all the time. It feels fucking incredible.”
He pulled hard on the belt, choking you. You tightened around his cock. Capillaries in your neck started to break, you were going to be left with one hell of a bruise. He was ruthless, fucking you with cruel intensity.
He pulled the belt even tighter, you began to asphyxiate. Finding this insanely hot, but still valuing your life you tried to tell Ford to loosen his grip, but your windpipe was being crushed. All you could manage out was a guttural choking noise as you clawed at the belt.
“I’m sorry, what was that? I can’t quite make it out.” He said, ignoring your obvious attempts to breathe. He pulled as tight as he could, you couldn’t even gasp. “Oh well, must not be important.” He shrugged, continuing to fuck you.
Despite what felt like a threat to your life you found yourself incredibly turned on. Your vision started to go black. The last thing you heard was a maniacal laugh.
-
When you came to Ford was still fucking you.
“Whoa hey you’re back, thought we lost you for a second there.” He said with his twisted smile.
His hands found your hips, he gripped them, nails digging into your flesh hard enough to break the skin.
“Say my name, slut.” He demaned.
“Nnngh, Ford.” You moaned.
He backhanded you. “I SAID SAY MY NAME, YOU STUPID CUNT!” He shouted.
“B-Bill.” You whimpered.
“That’s better. Remember who’s really in control here, sixer will never fuck you like this.”
He pounded you into the mattress. He felt himself close to cumming.
“So you’re gonna find this hilarious, I’ve been having sixer switch out your birth control with sugar pills. That’s right, they do jack shit. I’ve always been fascinated by human pregnancy and I mean hey, you’re young and fertile. And it’s too late to stop me now. Ahahahaha!”
Before you could even think to push him off you he pinned you down by the wrists, cumming deep inside you. He bucked rapidly, ropes of hot cum shooting inside you. He grunted, refusing to stop even when his cock began hurt. God he loved causing Ford pain. He didn’t know how humans got anything done or why they didn’t just fuck 24/7.
Ford took your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Well this was fun, but it’s probably time for me to give old Fordsy his body back, don’t yo- oh wait, one last parting gift.”
He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a lighter and pack of cigarettes. He took one out and lit it up, taking a long drag and puffing the smoke in your face. He grinned wildly, turning your head to expose your neck and putting it out on your skin. You screwed your eyes shut and moaned loudly. He bent down and licked the burn.
“Oooh wee, you sure are fun. I’m definitely coming back for more, but I think I’m satisfied for now. Okay byeeeeeeeee.”
Ford’s head snapped back. He shook his head, blinking rapidly, his eyes returning to normal.
“Ugh, wh- what happened? Did I black ou- “ He looked down at you and gasped in horror, backing away from you to the foot of the bed.
You were a shaking mess, you honestly looked like you’d been through a bear attack.
“Y/N! WHAT HAPPENED? WHO DID THIS TO YOU?” He started to hyperventilate.
You sat up and took his face in your hands. “Hey hey, it’s alright, I wanted this.”
“OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY? SHOULD I TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? SHOULD I FILE A POLICE REPORT? DID I DO THIS? WHY AREN’T YOU SAYING ANYTHI-“ he froze. “D- did you say you wanted this?”
You kissed him.
“Look, I have been having some… fantasies and Bill and I both agreed that you wouldn’t be able to do them to me on your own.”
“You met Bill?”
“He was possessing you, but yeah I met him.”
He stared at you, looking terrified before attempting to fix his face to a more neutral expression, almost like he was afraid he would be punished for showing fear.
“That’s- that’s wonderful. I always hoped he’d let you meet him someda-“ now that the adrenaline had settled he got a good look at you. “Oh baby your neck.” He looked down. “Y- your thigh.”
Blood was trickling from both wounds. He looked at you with great concern.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Like I said, I wanted this.”
Without saying a word he got off the bed and left the room, he returned with a first aid kit. He sat next to you.
“Come here.” He whispered softly.
You leaned into him as he saturated a cotton ball in disinfectant.
“Now this is going to sting quite a bit.”
He applied the soaked cotton ball to your neck wound, you drew in a sharp breath at the sensation.
“I know, I’m sorry baby.”
“No it’s okay, I like the pain.”
He gave small chuckle. “So I’ve heard.”
He took a second cotton ball, wetting it with disinfectant, pressing it to the branding that Bill had left you. You winced.
Ford kissed your cheek. “Almost done, stardust. You’re doing so good.”
He pulled gauze and medical tape out of the first aid kit. He started with the bite, lining up the gauze to cover it and securing it in place with the tape. He then turned his attention to the words carved into your thigh, doing the same.
He got up and inspected you carefully from every angle until he noticed the cigarette burn.
“Ah, hold on.”
He left the room again, coming back this time with a soapy wet rag. He sat down next to you again and gently cleaned the wound.
“You can’t use disinfectant on a burn, slows the healing.”
He then dressed the burn the same way he had for your other injuries.
He had always secretly liked treating and bandaging your wounds, he found it to be quite intimate, not even in a sexual way, just that it allowed him to be close to you.
He cupped your cheek in his hand and went to kiss you when he realized he’d gotten blood on your face. He looked down at his hand and shook his head.
“Guess Bill got me too.”
“Don’t worry, I got it.” You smiled.
You took his hand, treating and dressing it just as he had done for you. As you finished wrapping is hand in tape you kissed his knuckles.
He laid back in bed and patted the space in front of him. You crawled up next to him, returning to spooning position. He buried his nose in the crook of your neck and sighed deeply. You were seconds from falling asleep when your eyes snapped open, remembering what Bill had done to your birth control.
“Oh yeah, so uh… Bill might’ve made you knock me up.”
“WHAT???”
-
In the morning Ford would make you stay in bed, insisting you needed rest. For the next few weeks he watched you like a hawk, secretly recording any possible pregnancy symptoms. He pretended to be nonchalant about you being knocked up, only entertaining the idea if you did, but deep down the thought of you pregnant excited him.
He had always imagined continuing his legacy, teaching his child everything he knew. One day he was going to be gone and someone was going to have to continue his work, and he wanted to keep it in the family. He spent his nights after working on the portal holding you, rubbing your stomach after you fell asleep, hoping, praying even that Bill had given him a miracle.
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cowboy-robooty · 2 days
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Okay. listen to me. sit down, boy. If you read this youre reading the whole mf thing because i will sound crazy for half of it and then itll all tie together alright. Listen, this is my explanation of the switzerland's crush on germany allegations. This all started because of that one scene where Austria was all like "I guess Germany's asshole isn't all that cozy" and Switzerland just blushed and couldn't say anything else. I have taken cell samples from this clip and under electron microscopy, found that there is a whole extra chapter in the hetalia bible to be found here. So we all know about Switzerland's weird feelings about his and austria's past friendship. It is a whole other thing that I won't get into and also don't feel 1000% confident on yet, but currently personally see it as switzerland desiring friendship again and Maybe it is gay. Not 100% sure, but it's possible (for some reason my gut instinct says no though). Anyways, I think switzerland has a subconcious crush on germany. Germany's entire thing is that he is objectively one of, if not THE most reasonable nations. He is unironically a very good guy and that's why its comical that everybody fucking hates him. Switzerland's entire deal is that he's INSANELY NORMAL and because of that I think it would be really funny if he had a crush on Germany because it's like... well a normal person would probabaly like him the most irl since Germany's the most reliable and least insane. But see this crush is subconcious because switzerland does not hang out with germany ever because the guy surrounds himself with pyschopaths (everyone else). They just don't interact outside of trading only because their lifestyles dont mix and because of that, the seed of switzerlands crush on germany never can sprout. It's currently planted in nitrogen deficient soil found within the Sahara desert. This crush is still real and true though ok, it just never will become something that switzerland is aware of because he doesnt think about gay shit on his free time and never chills with germany enough to get a boner. But I think like if Germany and switzerland were trapped in Alcatraz for 30 years there is like a 20-40% chance switzerlands crush would finally have the resources it needs to blossom. Thats the only way it could work though. Unless those conditions are met, switzerland will continue to hold a subconcious crush on germany that makes him able to stay hard when he accidentally has a fleeting thought about the guy while trying to jerk off, but isn't something that is recognized enough to make him able to seek out germany because the wall of pyschopaths he hangs out with is too much to deal with.
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Man, it is JOEVER.
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cherry-treelane · 5 months
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everytime i watch shameless I get hit with a jolt of sickness and remember how frank and monica stole fionas life from her and she'll never get it back because it never existed because she was a sister first her whole life (from the age of 4) and everything else second and its always just so casual in the show and normal and rarely touched upon but it's not normal at all and it's tragic
#another post made at 2am that i found in the drafts#but my god its messed up how frank and monica got to live their own lives and how the kids got to have aspirations kinda but fiona was just#always stuck with the feeling of being stuck#cause she was forced to devote a largeee chunk of her life to servitude#its so unbelievably telling of frank and monicas innate selfishness above anything else imo :#their willingness to fulfil their mutual desire to extend the feeling of things such as youth and excitement and fun#to the point that they stripped their own daughter of the ability to experience childhood#education#etc#my memory is hazy but frank definitely was in college and i think monica was too? either way they both got to finish HS / experience it#but not fiona!!! its the opposite of parents sacrificing so their children can have more#they had more than fiona did and didnt give a shit about the fact that they just took from her#(obviously im not saying they had rosy perfect lives as kids teens and young adults— far from it actually)#(but its shockingly clear that they had a great deal more than fiona...or at least less on their plates...)#like when frank speaks of being a boy in college#its like.. these opportunities he threw away while fiona would've loved to have them but instead she had to drop out of HS#against her will#like yes its complicated but bottom line is its just sad how frank and monica were both afforded with control over their lives to a degree#while all of fionas life decisions carried the weight of her whole family and she didnt get to have independent control over her life#like for example she didnt drop out of HS cause she actually wanted to#she just didn't have any other choice
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theokusgallery · 7 months
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The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first
#siiiiiiigh...#im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT#poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay#writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying#there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and#(starts crying)#he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless#(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course)#god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him#he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires#he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem#don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw.#but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything.#even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy#he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay.#that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does#it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish#my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before...#which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much.#(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course)#arsenic#rant#sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)
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redhotarsenic · 4 months
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It’s so fucked that the main source of unease I felt building up over the past several months was me feeling pressured to perform femininity to be seen as desirable to other people. It was never ever said said out loud in that space but I could FEEL it and I never knew until it was pointed out to me.
#it’s so agonizing to want to purposely appear desirable and never feeling like you’ll measure up#compared to everyone else#because of eurocentric beauty standard bullshit#like unironically a giant portion of those people in there were white/white passing/fell nearly within those lines#and it was fucking with my head so so bad. because I don’t have ‘dainty faerie like’ (heavy air quotes) facial features#a good portion of what exacerbated the problem is that I have a very good feeling that most of how those people are acting#or how they’re trying to appear physically#is them trying extremely hard to look sexually attractive to that individual#now mind you I’m sure that isn’t all of them but fuck#feels like shit too when you’re very much brushed past 80% of them time on the rare occasions you take a selfie#for the ‘pretty boy with socially favored facial features’ (even heavier air quotes here)#it’s for the best that I’m not in there anymore#some of those people were annoying as shit anyway abd a select few are on my shitlist forever. which could be an entire nother post lmao#and believe me that’s a big fuckin deal. do you know how hard it is for me to outright have vehement hatred towards people??#im not even trying to appear all angelic and pure n shit here I just have a hard time not trying to think positively of people#something something people pleasing tendencies adjacent shit#ESPECIALLY because someone from that space went outta their way to harass my friend. as far as I’m concerned the majority is gutter trash
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angelstrawbabie420 · 7 days
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perhaps it’s the fact i’m MUCH more severely traumatized now so the thoughts and pain are literally inescapable but does anyone else ever have a really bad sober day and think wow. so uhm how the absolute fuck in hell did i ever EVER cope with life before substances.
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pink-lemonadefairy · 1 month
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
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#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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truckstoptigers · 7 months
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i hold so much more anger than anyone around me realizes
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vivitalks · 5 months
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guys i genuinely don't know what to do. my quirky little destiel fic which was already far too long to begin with now has a second smaller fic nested inside of it and somehow the second smaller fic is the absolute crackfest of this supernatural/tazamnesty crossover where dean lowkey hooks up with barclay the bigfoot and i don't KNOW what to DO. do i cut the scene. do i post it separately. do i post it separately but ALSO leave it in the fic. do i just pretend like barclay is an OC i made up and all the references to the fictional town of kepler west virginia are incidental. WHAT IS THE MOVE HERE
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lesbiansanemi · 1 year
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I’m honestly here for a lot of the criticisms for the way the Barbie movie approached “feminism” and a lot of it is right about it being surface level at best and in certain aspects, way too white/cis/hetero centric to be meaningful (esp in the sense that it never actually acknowledges the negative aspects OF Barbie as a brand, not that it was going to given it was a Brand movie)
BUT
Like y’all know you can criticize all that stuff without also parroting anti-asexual rhetoric, right? Like you know you can do that?
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Like this is literally just that shit that’s like “sex and sexual desire IS what makes us human actually” and “ace/aro ppl can’t actually be in relationships or love anyone”
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zincbot · 23 days
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christ alive this can't be it dog
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hierophant-reversed · 1 month
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subspace sounds fun. unfortunately i am incapable of ever relaxing
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doctorweebmd · 3 months
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afa;ldf;lakdflk;asdf urgh sorry i've been MIA i unexpectedly got super busy with the grant and my grand rounds and having to pick up shifts for people with emergencies/illnesses/moving PLUS my 'graduation' is tomorrow so i'm all over the place AHHHHH
#... AND fellowship number 2 starts in literally 12 days WHY DONT I HAVE MY SCHEDULE YET#i really REALLY wanted to finish the path to paradise by end of june but honestly i dont think that's happening#the most batshit thing i did on monday is cover for a shift at hospital A from 8am-6pm then cover a shift at hospital B from 8pm to 7am.#and they were both INSANELY busy#the first is just a consult shift so it wasn't too bad#but the second is my icu community shift and GOD#this person coded at 2am and i probably didn't leave her side until at least 5 am#its just INSANE. INSANE that i didn't get called before she coded#like i think the reason all my codes at this hospital get ROSC is because these people would NEVER have coded at the academic one#and this is FAR from the first time this has happened#you. you let this woman. sit on the floor. with BPs in the 70s. for HOW long? you left this OTHER woman completely obtunded on a bipap?!?!?#for DAYS?!?!??!?! WITHOUT TALKING TO THE ICU?! AND ONLY CALLED WHEN THEY GOT HYPOTENSIVE?!#this is horrifying. like legitimately. must be nice to practice shit medicine and when your patient crashes just wipe your hands and let#the icu doc deal with the fallout#i realize i signed up for this#but it always feels crappy when i can't tell families 'yeah no the reason your loved one is dying is probably because they were mismanaged'#and i'm gonna keep it real with you chief. its the racism too#hospital A is in the rich part of the city#hospital B is close to the border with mexico#less densely populated/less desirable areas hire less desirable doctors (all staff really)#its often like 30% people who care about the community#and 70% of people who can't get jobs elsewhere#and the economic disparity even between branches of the SAME HOSPITAL SYSTEM is staggering#healthcare in america is a fucking joke#also. like.#in rich person hospital A monday#got a consult for this guy who is a 'medical mystery'#seen at a bunch of different hospitals by a lot of different doctors#...and i'm 90% sure the way he got his lung disease is by crushing up pain and/or anxiety meds and injecting them#but see the reason no one suspects this. is because he's a wealthy white man
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