#but the way the ark scene was shot is always SO funny to me

[extraaa-30]

at the pitch meeting for the job episode:

someone: we need to establish continuity with the s1 biblical scenes, some kind of callback

neil and/or douglas mackinnon, about to be the funniest people alive: oh, haven't you heard...?

[hishighnesstheprincess]

Sonic Movie 1 Rewatch Live Reaction

Aight

Gonna do it

Gonna watch the first Sonic movie and post aaallllll my reactions below

Below a read more because I don’t hate my followers

Okay so first off I love these movies I love Sonic but the fact that Tom is a cop fucking SUCKS his plotline in the movie sucks because it is about him being a cop and it is not nuanced and I doubt they will handle it well in the third movie. I’m not going to be covering the issues with it too in depth because a) white person here and b) gotta be honest I don’t know a lot about cop depictions in media. I’m mostly just going to be repeating what everyone else has already said, there are better sources than me when it comes to covering the issuesTM. 

Okay, unpleasant bit over.

Movie beginning

Had to take a five second break to autism bounce around my room

Still love the use of rings for the Paramount logo....

OOUGH THE SEGA MUSIC

Sonic started talking and I started squealing

Of course he calls himself handsome

I love him doing the lil rewind sounds with his mouth he’s so silly he’s so goofy

Sonic refers to Green Hill Zone as an “island” hmmm interesting. I can easily see it being like Mobius in the movies is a bunch of islands that are all different zones and Mushroom Hill is just different I guess

OWL MOM

Oh so many thoughts about Longclaw she is so accidentally interesting on the movies part

Boy sure hope those echidnas won’t come back hahaha

NO I JUST REALIZED AN ARROW PIERCED THE FLOWER SONIC GOT FOR LONGCLAW

Symbolism much

So it was definitely Knuckles’ dad that shot Longclaw down

“the only way to stay safe is to stay hidden” literally how much damage did she inadvertently do to Sonic with just those words

Longclaw is such a warrior cat’s ass name and I love it

God I forgot that they imply Sonic’s mom gets brutally murdered and then cut to the movie title

Tom being a cop sucks but him using the speedomoter on the turtle/tortoise, joking loudly about it, and then apologizing is pretty funny

Sonic going 300 interests me. I very much doubt that he hasn’t broken the speed barrier at some point in these movies (especially in the second one when he runs on water) but I don’t think we’ve specifically heard a Sonic boom yet

Sonic talking avidly to the turtle is so so cute but also. Concerning. Considering the only other person he talks to is himself

Oh my god he traumatized that poor turtle

THAT IS ONE DIRTY ASS ROOM WITH A LOT OF STUFF IN IT

Hmmm something something Longclaw being Sonic’s protector something something him immediately latching onto the “protector” of Green Hill

Boy there is so much that is wrong with you (affectionate)

SANIC

Something something Sonic’s only human contact being a man trying to capture him something something the echidna trying to catch him something something GUN

Screw it AU where Sonic gets captured by GUN immediately and meets, or at least sees Shadow and ends up learning what happened on the ARK

Do you think baby Sonic ever got caught in a trap :(

This hog is traumatized. But he can always get even more traumatized

Sonic’s favorite movie being R-Rated canonically is so so funny to me

There are probably better actors. But it would be so so funny if Keanu Reeves played Shadow

Tom and Maddie’s relationship is so sweet I’m sorry

Me when I’m autistic

The thing about them getting two cakes just in case is so sweet as well

Okay so in the first movie Tom says that he’s still using the neighbor’s wifi but in the second we see that the house is pretty far away from the town. Conclusion: they moved after the first movie. Probably for Sonic

BASEBALL SCENE. THE FOCUS ON THE IDEALIZED AMERICAN DREAM (which as of the second movie ending Sonic has, two parents, middle class lifestyle, three kids, etc.) SONIC T HEDGEHOG THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WRONG WITH YOU

FORGOT TO MENTION IT WAS ABSOLUTELY A WACHOWSKI THAT SHOT MARIA. MADDIE SAID ‘there’s been a Wachowski protecting Green Hills for over 50 years” that CANNOT be a coincidence

OHTHE BASEBALL FREAKOUT. @neurotypical-sonic knows way way more about BPD than I do but this is screaming BPD to me. He definitely needs mood stabilizers and therapy

What do his powers run on? Emotions? If that’s the case then boy howdy is the third movie gonna put him through the wringer

Everytime media mentions IQ I have to laugh so hard. I took an IQ test and got like 140 or something and I’m the dumbest motherfucker I know. It’s so stupid

While I do think the worst part of the movies is the cop thing, I don’t think the movies are pro-military overall. The military is introduced as sending in the main villain of the movie who apparently destroyed a whole country(?) in to a small town, letting him break a fuck ton of laws both legally and morality wise

Jimbotnik is so fucking insane I love him. Him and Agent Stone are so funny. “Excuse me Major what was your name? NOBODY CARES!”

“Look what came out of my Eggsack”

“half eaten cantaloope” EDNOS EDNOS EDNOS

THE FCAT THAT HE DOESNT SAY “goodbye home” HE SYS “goodbye cave”

Tom and Sonic’s first meeting is so funny

Ough I love that Sonic is depicted as having actual quills cus like in the games he is just a blue shape

“I’m not in the mood to get probed” “You think you’re worried? I’m not even wearing pants!”

EARS DROOOP

Sonic is only the second weirdest person Tom has met today

“I was spitting out formulas while you were spitting up formulas.” “I was breastfed actually.” “Nice. Rub that in my orphan face.”

“Worse than death?”

Oh he actively talks to himself

“I had kind of an embarrassing lunch” EDNOS

Robotnik just screaming when he sees Sonic is actually very funny

And so begins the tradition of Tom punching people

Agent Stone and Robotnik are SO funny

“So, as I crashed into the wet, dark water of the Pacific-” I love that line

Movie Sonic is gonna think Shadow is the coolest person on Earth lmao

Tom just hanging up on Robotnik is so funny

“You just sit there and be you.... sless.”

Who is the lady agent that’s with Robotnik I want to know her name I’m gay

He’s soooooo me coded

Watching Mike’s Mic has ruined my vocabulary

Shannon Chan Kent hiiiii helllow love you love your Amy she’s so good

NOW I WANNA REWATCH PRIME TOOO

Sonic’s horrified gasp when the biker dude called him a hipster is hilarious

Sonic

OH I FORGOT SONIC MENTIONED LONGCLAW IN FRONT OF TOM

AND HE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT

SO EITHER TOM JUST DIDNT WANT TO GET INTO IT RIGHT THEN OR SONIC ALREADY TOLD HIM

I’m going wit h the first option for my fic. Is more fun that way

CARRRRR SCENE CAR SCENE

“We’re not best friends.” “You tucked me in last night.”

He’s so splitting. I don’t even know a lot about splitting but he’s SO splitting

“HAVE YOU NOTICED THE H A R P O O N STUCK IN THE CAR”

OH EMOTIONS SO TRIGGER HIS POWERS

Ngl I unironically like the flossing

“HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD?!” “I have no idea :D!”

HESO SMALL IN THIS MOVIE

“I think that tank just had a baby.” Does. Does Sonic know how kids work. He didn’t know what a payphone was earlier in the movie.

“Ever wonder where your tax dollars are going?”

“Aw, this one is cute, let’s keep him :D”

“Nailed it!” dies

That’s it movie over sequel cancelled Sonic’s dead

“Pin yourself to wall.” excuse me

SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT EGGMAN WOULD DO TO SONIC IF HE CAUGHT HIM

Rachel is iconic

Ngl the song that plays while Robotnik is doing tech stuff is a whole bop I love it

I FORGET THE STONE JUMPSCARE VERYTIME

“Of course I want a latte. I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE THEM.”

“It talks.” “Almost constantly.”

Oh my god I forgot we technically see Sonic’s feet in this movie. Imagine this scene but with ugly Sonic

WHY DID THEY LET SONIC DRIVE

“As long as I’m here, I put everyone in danger” not me thinking of my runaway Sonic AU immediately

“It’s the government nutjob who keeps trying to kill us- UNSUCCESSFULLY”

Do you think Sonic got grounded for shoving them off the roof

God I remember me and an irl friend laughing so hard when we first saw that

“THAT WAS AN ILLEGAL LEFT, BY THE WAY”

THE SMASH BROS POSE

OH MAN

WHAT IF IN THIRD MOVIE WE GET A CHASE SCENE LIKE THAT BUT ACROSS DIFFERENT ZONES AND WITH SONIC AND SHADOW

HE

HE

HE EYES GLOW

TOM PUNCHING ROBOTNIK AGAIN

Oh man the timezones in this movie make NO sense

HE PINBALLED HimSELF

HE

“Oh my god my sister”

Hoooooome

Oh this movie can be so personal if you have family issues of any kind actually. Even if I personally have mommy issues more than daddy ones

GREEN HILLS MUSIC

The government was so angling to kidnap Sonic since the end of the first movie 

“You guys are SO uncool”

How did they get everything from Sonic’s cave to the attciAAAAAa

Literally never gonna forget this ending scene

“Welcome home” I’m fucking sobbing

“my grasp on sanity remains... absolute”

This ending absolutely SLAPS people angry about it are either just lame or racist about rap being in Sonic for some reason

And here it is, the ending scene that made me lose my fucking mind

TAILS

TAILS HI TAILS MY FRIEND TAILS MY FRIEND :D

[puraiuddo]

Sunstreaker & Sideswipe Fic Recs!!

Since my post begging the fandom to help me find a fic on ffn based off its plot got so many notes (because people were interested, but had no idea what I was talking about) here’s some fics whose names I do know! (with additional plot info from me)

Us Against the World by Toe of Sauron (Chapters: 28 - Words: 33,946)

Or, 28 Twins. IDW-AU. Sideswipe: gung-ho prankster. Sunstreaker: ego-centric sociopath. Inseparable. Unstoppable. Loyal to the end. Or, at least, that’s what everyone thought. Pre-Earth.

Decepticon Sunstreaker!!

Disjointed ficlets about Sideswipe and Sunstreaker before/during/after Sunstreaker joined the cons and then switched sides

Uses IDW characterization so there’s some tension between them

Includes grievously injured Sunstreaker and Sides going somewhat feral which is always A+

Through Another's Eyes by Toe of Sauron (Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,683)

IDW-AU. "You touch their sparks together and they blow up and they die!" Us Against the World tie-in.

Falls between chapters 20 & 21 of Us Against The World

Is technically unfinished, but only in that it was meant to be a bunch of one-shots and is just instead only 1 one-shot

Follows Ratchet, First Aid, & Ironhide as they do exactly what the summary says to Sunny & Sides

Ariadne's Thread by Toe of Sauron (Chapters: 24 - Words: 110,882)

IDW-AU. They told Sideswipe it was the only way; they had to abandon Sunstreaker to fight the Decepticons, to preserve the greater good. So what is he supposed to do now, when the greater good isn't good enough? Sequel to Us Against the World.

Set a little while after the last chapter of Us Against The World

Follows Sideswipe after he goes awol upon learning that Sunstreaker went missing (fell victim to the headmasters, but he doesn’t know that) and the autobots gave up on finding him

Sides teams up with IDW!Hunter (and eventually Bayverse!Simmons), but the humans are not annoying like they usually are

Involves grievously injured Sides & Sunny & epic fight scenes

Involves Sides just loving the hell out of Sunny and being willing to do anything for him

+ Sunny/Sides reunion!!!

Split  by Sincere Nonsense  (Now on ao3!) (Chapters:4 - Words: 19,897)

The twins were always together, right?

Even though it’s on ao3 now, I had to include it b/c it is my fav sparkling!twins fics

Separately follows Sunstreaker/Sideswipe as 6-10yro equivalents

Sunstreaker is at an orphanage

Sideswipe is with their creators

Both of them have mystery health issues, but why would that be????

Sunny’s story is kinda absolutely heart-wrenching

Includes Sunny/Sides reunion obv

Transformers: Juxtaposition  by Vaeru (Chapters: 40 - Words: 123,067)

Sparkbearer Saga: Part I. G1-based AU. A car wreck on a rainy night leads to the oddest partnership imaginable. A disembodied voice, possessed cars, alien robots, kidnapping, rescue, abduction, sparks, keys, and tomato sandwiches... Read if you dare.

Ordinarily, I hate OC-centric fics, but the main gal in this is actually pretty chill

Follows her sharing headspace with Sideswipe, but how did that happen??

Sideswipe can occasionally take over her body which is funny

Sunstreaker shows up and essentially says “you’re coming with me to the ark whether you like it or not, b/c you stole my brother and i want him back”

Something that stuck with me is that it’s probably the best fic I’ve read at portraying that sheer scale of both transformers and their lifespans/slow living pace

I don’t remember a lot of plot points, b/c I haven’t read it in a hot second, but I do remember it’s good

All About Us by Juzu (Chapters: 15 - Words: 44,818)

A collection of drabbles and oneshots featuring Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and the mechs and femmes they come in contact with. Topics from fanfic100 table. Mainly G1, but will probably have some movieverse thrown in.

All of it’s good, but in particular I love chapters 6 thru 8

Bayverse & follows Sideswipe slowly dying/fading away b/c Sunstreaker is “dead”

Low and behold, an injured Sunstreaker breaks atmo in the middle of a storm & Sides goes awol to find him

Everyone freaks out b/c they think Sideswipe is nuts and went off to die

Reunion!

Fluff & cuteness between them and also platonic Ratchet

The Lost by The Starhorse (Chapters: 6 - Words: 80,408)

A series of lifechanging events involving Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, told from different points of view. Written in 2002, long before it would become painfully obvious that I could have chosen a better title...

This fic is sooooo //makes incomprehensible noises & flailing hand gestures

I think I may have read (at least one chapter of) this story more than any other Sunny & Sides fic

The first chapter is?? in first person from Bluestreaker perspective??? for some reason??? The rest of the story is... not like it at all??? Please read past it.

Follows a snippet of time following Sideswipe taking a huge hit for Sunstreaker and nearly getting himself killed

A perfect storm of events immediately afterwards leaves Sunstreaker in a bad way mentally...

which results in him doing a bad thing...

and other autobots doing a bad thing to retaliate...

which doesn’t actually lead Sunstreaker to retaliate, but Sideswipe...

who gets completely fucking diabolical

I love all of it. Read it.

Discontinued, but still 100000% worth reading:

Double Trouble in Red and Yellow by Katea-Nui (Chapters: 6 - Words: 44,926)

One of Wheeljack's secret weapons goes awry, and the Seekers find themselves in a situation they never quite expected... Parenthood. Rating may change, but probably not.

Newly sparklingified twins end up kidnapped mid-battle by the command trine

Sorta hilarious, b/c the command trine is very much aware of who Sunny & Sides are but nabbed them anyways & still intend to keep them

Interesting take is that Sunny/Sides are not mind-wiped infants like usual, they’re like 4-6yrs -ish equivalent and have memories of their lives up to that point

Sorta revolves around the trine beginning to love the sparkling twins

ends much too soon

Little Brother by Meiza (Chapters: 9 - Words: 64,542)

Prowl is infamous for being a logical, nigh emotionless thinker who's better at battle calculations than interpersonal relationships. How he was roped into taking care of the last survivor of Praxus is anyone's guess.

Obv revolves around Prowl w/ baby Blue which is always adorable and done very well, but that’s not what we’re here for

Sparkling!twins show up chapter 5 and are hilarious

Ends on a cliffhanger //shakes fist 

Re:Start by plenoptic (Chapters: 13 - Words: 67,631)

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker never had a family. They thought they would never escape Kaon's gladiatorial pits, that cannon fodder was all they would ever be. And they were wrong. Twins!centric, OptimusxElita. Giftfic!

Optimus & Elita One rescue and adopt gladiator 7-8yro equivalent twins

Follows the twins losing the rough edges and letting themselves be kids

Tragic stuff has to happen though, of course

Also ends on a cliffhanger //shakes fist harder

Surface of the Sun by Hearts of Eternity (Chapters: 34 - Words: 229,063)

A look into the lives of the infamous Twins, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, as they go through the evolution that will take them from younglinghood to the gladiatorial circuit, up to the moment that marked them as Autobots for the rest of their lives.

Part of the Hearts of Eternity’s War Eternal series which is fantastic and which they list the contents/reading order of in their bio

It’s tragic when any fic is discontinued, but this one especially kills me b/c it’s a prequel and so you know where they eventually end up, but the story discontinues before the major plot points so you don’t know how they get where they end up (unless you ask the author and get the inside scoop like me)

Super interesting take on the rarity/novelty of the split-spark phenomenon

Super unique take on the backstory of Sunny/Sides... (ie they grow up in a circus??)

Super interesting subplot of the original 13 primes (all OCs, but well done OCs) meddling in mortal affairs for their own (good or bad) reasons and they have a particular interest in Sunny & Sides

Real dark at times

As We Come Together by Hearts of Eternity (Chapters: 54 - Words: 485,586)

While the surviving Autobots begin to flock to Earth in response to Optimus' call, trying to find a new home on the strange organic planet called Earth, some unfortunate bots are beginning to realize the price of war may have been too high. Sequel to Time

I said Surface of the Sun discontinuing was tragic, but this one is... worse.... the cliffhanger where it ends destroys me... but I asked the author how it ends and am willing to share the info if you want to know

Not Sunny/Sides-centric, but I love them when they show up and I love the rest of the story b/c this is one of those fanfics which could really be its own novel b/c of all the dope original ideas. Can’t say enough about the author’s creativity and effort.

(fyi Time refers to Time We Have Left which is a bunch of character-centric ficlets that you don’t really need to read to understand this one)

Anywho the Sunny/Sides part of the story first follows them flying with Prowl, Chromia, and G1-Arcee to earth. There’s some drama & tragedy, of course.

We get little snippets into Sunstreaker’s backstory that Surface of the Sun didn’t get to cover

They land, more drama and tragedy

Does involve mentions of pre-Sunny/OC which isn’t ideal, but //shrugs

Soooo much Sunstreaker & Sunny/Sides angst, but also character growth

The... the cliffhanger...

And that’s all for now, folks.

[skyhopedango]

Episode 12! The end! Oh no! ;_; )

I hate it so much that it has to end... At least it got a pretty good ending - a surprisingly good one, actually - with most plot lines wrapped up neatly. Also, I may or may not have teared up at some points. Or even right now. Daaamn this stupid franchise making me so emotionally invested. GAH.

Anyway, the rundown... as soon as I find another package of tissues...

Story makes short work of Boss Man courtesy of Kimie, we knew this was coming, no point on wasting time on it. Bye Boss Man. It was funny though that after a huge psychic superpower fight he went out by getting shot in the back. :D

BABY BROTHERS ARE CRYING, HURRY UP AND SAVE THEM!

I suppose this is where knowledge of the original comes in handy, because I think during Naoto & Takuya's journey to their brothers we were supposed to learn about how the Kiriharas ended up where they did, but well, I guess there's a limit of how much you can pack into 23 minutes. So let's just say that even in childhood Naoto & Naoya had it far worse than their counterparts... having had their powers awakened from birth (as opposed to the Kurokis, it seems), and all the shit that came with that. Plus even after being taken away from their parents, the Kurokis grew up having friends and whatnot, while the Kiriharas had like... Mikuriya. In the original at least there were some other people around in the lab, but in 2041 it doesn't seem like there was anyone, really, other than Mikuriya, so all the boys had was him, and each other.

THIS WHOLE SCENE IN THE SPIRITUAL ENERGY BEAM OR WHATEVER. SO PRETTY. ;_; )

And OH DAMN, so the Kurokis are basically the Kiriharas' reincarnations! HOLY SHIT. I'd been expecting like something since Misaki mentioned Akiko having been reincarnated (and at this point I have a pretty good guess who is her reincarnation... ....c'mon it's Kimie, it's got to be Kimie! and why that didn't create a paradox, well, that's because-- LOOK OVER THERE!!!)

Oh, so that was the symbolism with the game they'd been playing. Ooohh. I like that. Also: observe the Ark behind Naoto on that shot. Nice.

AAHH NAOTO IS SMILING, HE'S GENUINELY SMILING!

I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

AHAHAHA lol Takuya surprise hugging Naoto, and Naoto giving "omg what to do, I'm too emotionally repressed for this" vibes. :D Also, Naoya doesn't get a hug. Takuya may be dumb but he's not that dumb.

Naoto. OH NAOTO. OH MY HEART. Don't feel guilty Naoto, you've done all you could. I mean he's just a guy, really, and especially 2041's Naoto is a lot more sensitive and has way less of an edge than the Naoto in the original. That one was more pragmatic, even if he hated himself being able and willing to do things like killing people even if it was to protect Naoya. This Naoto is different - he's less hardened, more gentle, and also different in how he processes his feelings, he represses them more but I guess angsts over them harder.

And oh poor Naoto, he didn't get a hug. Again. :D;; Doesn't matter, it was such a lovely scene.

Also, who's been cutting onions here for the past ten minutes?! I'm running out of tissues!...

OH NO, the Kurokis' parents?! Oh my god don't do this to me, show...

AAAAAAAH............

Blah blah Kimie, blah blah of course they weren't going to do it, and that didn't happen, and OH DAMN, NAOTO & NAOYA

SO YUUYA'S VISION WAS RIGHT, BUT ALSO NOT CORRECT - THEY BASICALLY WENT BACK AND FIXED EVERYTHING - okay baby Kuroki brothers still had been taken away but that had to be done, and the parents remember and they're reunited, and--

FFS NOT THE ONIONS AGAIN, I'M ALL OUT OF TISSUES ;_; )

Alright, so I guess this is another part where knowing the original puts it all in a slightly different context. Because this whole thing with the parents is exactly the same (minus the Kimie thing) that happens with the Kiriharas in the original, but with a very different outcome. In the original Naoto & Naoya finally manage to track down their parents who run a clock shop, but find that their memories had been meddled with and they don't remember them... and then they can't even get a peaceful farewell, because the villain fucks up the whole thing for the lulz, and it's kind of heartbreaking.

Here, they basically fixed everything - so that the Kurokis don't have to suffer all that shit that they had to go through, from having to live isolated in the lab and growing up suffering from difficult to control powers to having their parents taken away from them forever.

Oh man. Naoto & Naoya are just so awesome. ;_; )

And so they go... to another dimension? to the Awesome Spiritual Place? just disappearing into the spirit universe like Shouko? At least wherever they go now they'll be together...

........please stand by until I finish being overly emotional over the silly woo brocon show........

So anyway, in the end basically Takuya & Yuuya become that world's Naoto & Naoya, doing pretty much the same thing as those two did in the original, being the small change that gets things rolling toward the Awakening - hell, Kimie even called them Saviors, that was Naoya's designation in the original (with Naoto as his protector/knight). Except well, the Kurokis are a ton more well-adjusted, especially at this point in the story. Aside of having a better understanding of everything, better control of their powers and not having the whole world out to get them, at least not seriously at this point- they even have their parents back! Lucky bastards.

The end. *sniffle*

Oh boy. What can I say? The existence of this show has taken me by completely surprise, being a reboot of an old niche franchise I'd fallen in love with and didn't expect seeing anything new for ever again. And y'know, my expectations were loooooooow because the previous anime was, as I'd mentioned a few times before, bad, like, actually really bad.

And then Night Head 2041 turned out to be - actually really good! It had just the right touches, with the animation (surprisingly good and detailed!) and just the visuals in general, and the characters! I love this Naoto and Naoya, from their design to their characterization that is similar but yet still different from the original but in ways that work so well! And I grew to like the Kurokis a lot, too, also Takuya is so pretty it's just not fair! Although the Kiriharas are always going to be the best. Also, I really want Kimie's leggings even though I could never wear them.

And I mean OK, I'm clearly biased, but even with my fangirl glasses off this was a perfectly alright show. And for a fangirl like me, oh... where do I even start. I won't even start, really, it's like half past midnight over here and I'm still running on an emotional high. Will post moe tomorrow because if I tried now I'd just post the whole damn thing.

I know there's still the manga adaptation of 2041 that's going to go on for a while still (and the novelization that I'll read now) but I'm going to miss this show so much. Thank you for everyone involved in it! You made my summer and early autumn, and pretty much my 2021 so far. Bye, Kirihara Naoto & Naoya...

[osakaso5]

La Danse Macabre Rabbit TV Part 1: The First Intermission

Part 2

Yuki: Good job with the shoot, Tamaki-kun.

Tamaki Yotsuba: ...Thanks...

Sogo Osaka: T-Tamaki-kun. You should respond properly...

Torao Mido: What's wrong, Tamaki Yotsuba? You're not nearly as energetic as you usually are.

Tamaki Yotsuba: ...It's 'cause... My character and your characters are all so scary...

Tamaki Yotsuba: I don't want anyone to kill people...

Yuki: Hehe, you're so cute. And despite that, your performance was great.

Sogo Osaka: I thought so, too. ...Don't be sad, Tamaki-kun. It's all just an act.

Tamaki Yotsuba: ...But I don't wanna act like my dad.

Torao Mido: Your dad?

Sogo Osaka: ...Tamaki-kun...

Yuki: Coochie-coo.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Hyah... hahaha! C-cut it out, Yukirin! That tickles!

Yuki: There. Now all the scariness is off your face.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Huh..?

Yuki: You're a gentle kid who's getting teary-eyed over a scary story. I don't see how that makes you anything like your dad.

Torao Mido: I'm not sure what's going on here, but I'm way more scared of Sogo and Yuki than you.

Yuki: Excuse me?

Sogo Osaka: What do you mean?

Tamaki Yotsuba: ...Yeah, I kinda get why.

Torao Mido: R-right? And we're both part of Kokujohyako, so we should stick together, Tamaki Yotsuba.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Haha. Yeah. You're a pretty nice guy, Toracchi.

Tamaki Yotsuba: You can just call me Tamaki, by the way.

Torao Mido: Sure. We've got plenty of shoots ahead of us, Tamaki. Let's both do our best.

Yuki: Heh. It looks like Tamaki-kun's helping us all become a little closer.

Sogo Osaka: I suppose he is.

Sogo Osaka: ...By the way, Yuki-san. I wanted to ask you about something...

Yuki: What is it?

Sogo Osaka: ...Well, my character can be sort of two-faced...

Sogo Osaka: I'm a bit worried that I might not be portraying the different parts of his personality properly... So um, I wanted to hear your opinion on my performance...

Yuki: Ah, you're worried about that? Your inner darkness was out in such full force, I had no idea you were having trouble at all.

Sogo Osaka: R-really!?

Torao Mido: You're not even aware of it yourself? That's pretty freaky, Sogo.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Yup! So-chan's always like that!

Yuki: "Your very existence is a thorn in my side. Just die already."

Yuki: That line gave me shivers when you said it.

Tamaki & Torao: T-that was scary...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Y-Yukirin! You gotta warn us before you start saying scary stuff like that!

Torao Mido: Y-yeah. Exactly. Great suggestion, Tamaki.

Sogo Osaka: ...I'm so happy... I never thought an actor of your caliber would compliment my performance..!

Yuki: Sorry. It was such a cool line, I wanted to try saying it myself.

Yuki: Oh, that reminds me. If you could've chosen any other role, which one would you have picked?

Torao Mido: I would've been Libel.

Yuki: Interesting.

Sogo Osaka: He does have strong morals and mental fortitude.

Tamaki Yotsuba: He's like, a hero! I wouldn't have been scared if I'd gotten Gakkun's role, either.

Torao Mido: As a man, I couldn't help but admire the way he sticks to his beliefs, no matter what anyone says.

Yuki: Huh, so you're that kind of guy.

Torao Mido: W-what's that supposed to mean..?

Yuki: Nothing. I actually like you the way you are now.

Torao Mido: ........

Torao Mido: A-anyway, what about you, Tamaki?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Hmm... Leiden!

Sogo Osaka: Ah, I can totally see why. He's so steadfast and strong.

Yuki: And he probably wouldn't get mad at me for sleeping on the job.

Tamaki Yotsuba: He doesn't think about stuff like profits and losses. He kinda just focuses on what's in front of him.

Torao Mido: He does seem like the friendliest member of the Unity Order.

Yuki: Really? I thought my character was plenty friendly, too.

Torao Mido: Is he..?

Tamaki Yotsuba: He was clicking his tongue a lot...

Sogo Osaka: I thought he was very cool!

Yuki: Thanks.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Ugh, So-chan!

Yuki: And what about you, Sogo-kun?

Sogo Osaka: ...Um... Arme, I suppose. I feel like he has something I lack.

Yuki: He's a kind boy who's overjoyed just to walk on the ground,  and who wants to end all conflict  between the Ark and the Surface.

Sogo Osaka: He's so empathetic, despite coming from a world where most people are only fighting for their own interests...

Torao Mido: Like the Osaka household, you mean. You know, I never  was cut out for business. I'm just not built for that stuff. 

Torao Mido: Which is why I genuinely respect you, Sogo. I wouldn't say your analytical side is all negative.

Sogo Osaka: ...Mido-san, you...

Tamaki Yotsuba: You're kinda like Libel.

Torao Mido: R-really?

Yuki: Heh. You definitely said something very heroic just now.

Sogo Osaka: Right. I never even imagined that the two of us would be chatting like this.

Torao Mido: Gee, thanks...

Torao Mido: And what about you, Yuki-san?

Yuki: Well, Cura might be fun.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Wasn't expecting that.

Yuki: It's really funny to see Yamato-kun play a character who blows stuff up for stress relif. I don’t  know if I could pull it off like he does,  though.

Sogo Osaka: I thought he'd be more like Yamato-san is normally, so the scene where he really brings out the bombs caught me off guard...

Torao Mido: I'd like to try walking away from an explosion sometime, too.

Tamaki Yotsuba: You're a pretty funny dude, Toracchi.

Torao Mido: I am?

Yuki: In any case, it's refreshing to do a story that's so different.

Sogo Osaka: It can get extreme at times... I was worried about how our fans would receive it.

Sogo Osaka: Even if it is a work of fiction, it has so many shocking turns...

Yuki: Easing them into the story is a part of our work, too.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Work...

Torao Mido: I thought it was fun to see the other members of ŹOOĻ act like completely new people.

Torao Mido: But I guess that might not be enough for the average viewer.

Yuki: Exactly. For example, all the fans who like you for how sexy and cool you are might be disappointed to see you wearing a hairband.

Torao Mido: Wha... So you're saying the hairband's my biggest problem!?

Yuki: Similarly, the people who like Haruka-kun's assertive personality might be shocked when they see him as the pure-hearted and sincere Arme.

Yuki: In other words, new doesn't always equal good to some people.

Yuki: While playing different types of characters, I received different types of fan responses. And despite what those criticisms may be, I had no choice but to keep working until the drama's over.

Yuki: Are you prepared to do the same?

Torao Mido: ...Yeah. I am.

Yuki: I like the look on your face.

Tamaki Yotsuba: ...Uh, listen. Maybe we could take a pic together right now, and post it online as a behind-the-scenes shot once the drama starts airing?

Yuki: Great idea.

Sogo Osaka: Right. If we show our fans that we're all having fun, it might help them feel at ease.

Torao Mido: Fun...

Yuki: What, are you saying you didn't have fun talking with us just now? I'm shocked...

Torao Mido: N-no..! I didn't mean it like that...

Sogo Osaka: Mido-san, come a little closer to the rest of us. We're taking that picture!

Torao Mido: ...Yeah. Thanks.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Everyone say peace!

All: Peace! 

End of Part 1.

[mewtonian-physics]

my ranking of the alex rider original series (stormbreaker through scorpia rising) from ‘book i least enjoy rereading’ to ‘book i most enjoy rereading’ let’s goooo

spoilers for all 9 books under the cut

9. Ark Angel

...He went to space. He went to space. Also the entire plot could have been avoided if Drevin had actually bothered to provide a photograph of his son. I’m sure he had one. I still like this book but it’s literally so insane that I just don’t know what to do with it. 

It is however really funny that Webber just goes and gives a speech insulting this super high-profile ecoterrorist group and acts like it’s no big deal and then they kill him. Shock of shocks.

8. Skeleton Key

Okay, points to this book for terrifying the shit out of me. God damn it does that shark scene scare me. Also, points for making me feel a little bit bad for a man who wants to nuke his own country because he thinks it will fix the place up. I’m still not entirely sure how that’s supposed to work, but that’s probably a good thing. I feel like understanding his thought process would say bad things about me. Still, I actually did feel sorry for him, if only a little. Dude was clearly mentally unstable and I doubt his son’s death helped at all. I also got sad about what happened to Carver and Troy. (Yeah, yeah, I’m a cringe fail American who has the American release. So sue me.) What a nightmare that must’ve been to endure... Otherwise, though, I’m not super into this book. The opening is just kind of meh and the way it leads into the rest of the plot seems a little bit unbelievable. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but Sabina annoys me. I would not get along with her at all and I can’t imagine her as a girlfriend. Skeleton Key does, however, absolutely excel at the emotional scenes. 

Also, why are all the spy agencies so comfortable with sending in a 14-year-old? Especially when they outright admit that the other attempts have all died horribly? Bureaucracy’s a bitch.

7. Point Blank

Boo, Dr. Grief! Boo! We hate your white supremacy! I’m so glad you got a snowmobile to the face, you deserved it. (Perks of books written by Jewish people--we aren’t afraid to give the neo-Nazis an unpleasant death.) Anyway, this book definitely isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t really say it stands out in the series. It definitely does hammer home the point of just how trapped Alex is, since MI6 isn’t going to just let him go after one mission, and let’s face it, the plot with the clones is creepy as hell, if highly improbable. But I’m largely just here to see the neo-Nazi get snowmobiled. That’s right, I just completely changed the definition of a pre-established word. I’m a rebel.

Also, I hate Fiona Friend so much and overall think she just didn’t need to be in the book, but the line about ‘I’d rather kiss the horse’ made me laugh so hard. Alex, you sass.

6. Snakehead

Okay, let’s talk about how genius the plan in this book is. I love it! I love how Yu wants to kill the people involved in the peace conference without making them into martyrs, so he comes up with this whole elaborate plan to stage a natural disaster. It’s incredible. This dude was thinking so far ahead. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid... But anyway, I don’t see a lot of books where the villain really acknowledges that killing their enemies could just cause more problems for them via turning them into martyrs for a cause. Also, the way he’s so polite and soft-spoken while also being a complete monster... This book genuinely gives me chills. Extra bonus points for the part in the hospital, the absolute nightmare of having all your organs slowly removed and sold off and everyone around you is being so nice about it? ‘Oh, don’t worry, Alex, it won’t be so bad. Here, take your medicine. Do you need anything?’ Literally just. What the fuck. 

Also Ash can fucking fight me. You put your own godson in horrible danger on purpose! You killed your best friend! Bastard. 

...And just in case the book wasn’t disturbing enough, Yu’s fate at the end lives in my mind rent-free and I think about it on a concerningly regular basis considering that the chances of that happening to me are so low they’re practically in the negatives. Damn you, Horowitz.

I would also be remiss if I did not mention just how much I love the tagline ‘once bitten, twice spy’.

5. Crocodile Tears

Ah yes, the book that kickstarted my drift away from the church... I kid, of course. I drifted away from the church for completely separate reasons. But Desmond McCain is always going to scare the shit out of me. The ability to kill countless innocent people while blissfully quoting Bible verses (that he takes wildly out of context and uses for his own self-serving means) is... well, I could actually say a lot about what that reminds me of, but I’m here to rate books, not religion. Moving on. This book has some really stellar antagonists, and the plot is chilling in a way that feels a lot more realistic than most of the other books. Even if some of it is a bit farfetched (sabotaging a nuclear power plant? Really?), the idea of using disasters for your own profit... well. I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on why that is so believable. The Poison Dome is also a really cool and chilling scene--even Alex, who has the luck of the devil, can’t get out of that one unscathed. Further scares come in with the fate of Harold Bulman--imagine having your entire existence wiped and your identity changed while you were asleep! The breakdown he has over it is almost enough to make me feel sorry for him, even though he was ready to exploit a teenager and make his life a living hell just to turn a profit. Note the word almost.

Also. The opening makes me cry. Specifically the line talking about how Ravi’s kids would ‘never meet Mickey Mouse’. I lose my goddamn mind every single time I read it. That little personal touch turns the scene from a statistic to a tragedy. Once again: Damn you, Horowitz.

4. Stormbreaker

Yeah, this one gets the special cover shot. And why not? What we are looking at here is the birth of a legend. Move the fuck over, James Bond, Alex Rider is on the scene now. Anyway, yeah, this book is pretty damn spectacular. It has its stumbles, but as the first book in a series, that’s to be expected. Still, it pulls you in from quite literally the first line and keeps you going right up until the end. (If you came here from my post of memes, you know how much the line ‘Killing is for grownups, and you’re still a child’ destroys me.) It has the debut of much-beloved characters such as, of course, Alex--but also Jack Starbright, and of course, the best MI6 agent of them all, which is to say Smithers. Hell, even Yassen Gregorovich, especially once you get through Russian Roulette... Man, that was a rough one. 

Seriously, though. This is a really good book. The scene with the Portuguese man-o’-war still gives me the chills to think about. (Have you ever looked up pictures of those things? They’re beautiful, but holy shit will they make you regret being born. Nature is funny like that.) 

We also get the introduction of, of course, Alex’s patented sass (his response to Sayle saying he relates to the man-o’-war is HILARIOUS) and we get the inherent humor of Alex screwing up an alias one time and then just going by Alex for the rest of the series so he doesn’t do that again. Really, kid, I know you’re not a trained spy or anything but did you never play pretend growing up? Ever? You can’t pretend your name is Felix for a little while? That sounds like a you problem.

3. Scorpia Rising

I distinctly remember when this book came out, actually. I was on vacation at the time, and I remember my brother annoying the hell out of the poor workers at a bookstore we frequented there to see if/when they were going to get it in. They did, finally, and we bought it immediately, and I was of course absolutely desperate to read it. He got to read it first, though. -_-

This is a great book, an absolute emotional rollercoaster all the way through. The way Blunt tricks Alex back into service by staging a shooting was exactly the kind of cold, brutal behavior I’d expect from him. Seeing Julius come back was shocking, but very exciting, too. And Razim makes an incredibly chilling villain, with his absolute disregard for human life and his desire to measure pain. Also, seeing Smithers’s house was so much fun. Smithers in this book was just really fun in general, but he’s really fun in every book, so... nothing unusual there. But also, I want an unwelcome mat. Please?

2. Eagle Strike

‘But Penny,’ you might ask, ‘why is this book so high on your list? It has so much of Sabina in it, and you said she annoys you.’ That is true. What does not annoy me, however, is basically the entire rest of the book. I love the tense opening, and then reading through Alex’s real-life ‘playthrough’ of Feathered Serpent is still one of my favorite scenes. Cray is absolutely incredible as a villain, with the way that he truly believes in his cause--which is undoubtedly a good one! Yet the extremes to which he will go for that cause, and the fact that he very nearly succeeds, are what elevate him to one of the most dangerous villains in the series. That scene with Charlie Roper and the nickels is something I can never seem to stop thinking about. Actually, I think about it basically whenever I think about large amounts of money paid in small increments... 

Also, I really enjoy how he gets into the whole plot in the first place, and I really enjoy Smithers saying ‘ah, fuck it’ and helping him out anyway. Go, Smithers. You once again prove me right in saying that you’re the coolest adult in MI6.

The revelation that Yassen knew Alex’s father is one that absolutely blew my mind first time around. The way his life was threaded into the lives of the Rider family--he worked with John Rider, was saved by him, killed Ian Rider, and then died for refusing to kill Alex Rider--wow. Wow. It gets to me. It really gets to me. This book is a masterpiece. I heard that it’s going to be what the second season of the TV series is based off of, and I’m so hyped for that. We love to see it, we really do.

1. Scorpia

I don’t believe anyone who says this book didn’t get to them at all. I just think they are lying. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to not be affected by this book. God. Just thinking about it reminds me of why I don’t think it’s possible. I mean, come on. We get all this backstory about Alex’s parents, we get tricked along with him into thinking MI6 killed his father, then bam, that was a lie, and Alex may have just fucked himself over big time. Also, that plot is terrifying! (And I bet anti-vaxxers had a field day with it, huh.) Julia Rothman is a really great antagonist, one of the only ones who didn’t go and explain her plan in great detail to Alex--the fact that she didn’t actually being a plot point was something I personally found pretty clever. In general, this book is... I tend to hate when people say they ‘can’t put it down’ because it’s usually an obvious exaggeration, but that really is how I feel reading it.

And again. If that ending didn’t get to you... Well, I just think you are lying.

[aellynera]

Somewhat Worse for the Wear (Santiago “Pope” Garcia x Reader)

SOMEWHAT WORSE FOR THE WEAR (Santiago “Pope” Garcia x Reader)

(when i started writing this, i did not know it was National Tequila Day, but i guess it worked out? just another of my moments of my brain shouting that i needed to write this. bottoms up!)

Word Count: 2876(ish)

Summary: There are reasons why you should not drunk text. But there are also reasons why you should.

Warnings: Some language/suggestions. Alcohol consumption.

(((note: Pope’s texts are in bold. Your texts are bold and italic.)))

Hey.

...Hey.

What are you doing?

You were out with some of your coworkers, after an incredibly long and stressful day (and a horrible week, to be honest) and you were finally able to sit, have dinner and margarita, and vent about the trials of the day. You were chatting and laughing and talking about nothing in particular and having a much-needed night out. You were actually feeling happy, which you hadn’t felt in a hot minute and it was wonderful.

And then you found yourself answering Pope’s text. Dammit.

Why had he even texted you? Wasn’t he in Brazil, or Colombia, or...well...some other country far to the south of where you were now? The last time you’d seen him had been right before he left. He’d come to your apartment to say he was leaving, that he’d taken another mission, that he had to go and it was important, that he just wanted you to know. Which was fine, really. Except for the part where you’d stupidly thought that maybe your friendship with an extra side of carnal knowledge might actually evolve into something more. But this was Pope, who were you kidding?

Since he’d disappeared, he had only texted you three times. On your birthday, then that Christmas, and then the following birthday. No calls, nothing else. Just those texts and you had never replied. You had thought about it. You had thought about it, about him, so many times since he’d left, but you could never bring yourself to actually respond or reach out to him. Until now.

Out to dinner.

Oh. Hot date? :)

No, just coworkers. Long week.

He had told you he was leaving. You’d told him that sounded nice and to be safe. He’d asked if he could see you when he got back. You’d asked if you could talk about what had been going on between you for the past year. The answer to both questions was deafening silence that swirled between you, heavy and uneasy. He had looked away, somewhere over your shoulder, off to the distance with his jaw set. No words. So you asked him to kindly fuck off, and to his credit, he did exactly what you asked.

That was two years ago.

And now he was texting you and with a single word ruining your relaxing unwinding dinner.

Can I see you? I miss you. :( :( :(

And you were answering him. What were you thinking.  You told yourself it was just the surprise of seeing his name pop up on your phone, and it would be rude to just ignore him. Right? Your eyes scanned the room and narrowed at the bartender; totally his fault. He was making these margaritas way too strong and you were almost sure he was using the top-shelf to make a house drink, that bastard. Yep, totally the margaritas

And what was with the emoticons? Pope was most definitely not an emoticon kind of guy. You weren’t generally an emoticon kind of gal, either, but he started it.

Aren’t you like, in Colombia or somewhere? ;)

A winky face? You sent him a winky face. You considered crawling under the table to die of embarrassment at yourself, but you were already getting weird looks from your friends. Were you that distracted? Obviously. Because you sent him a winky face.

A few minutes passed in blessed silence, then your phone went off again.

Nope. Come on, let me come see you. I’ll buy you all the pussy you want.

Your friends gave you oddly concerned looks when margarita shot out your nose onto the table in front of you. Damn that burns…

EXCUSE ME?!

Drinks! Pussy ass drinks! That freaking girly fruit shit you always liked. Not talking about actual...unless you…

Santiago Garcia, are you drunk?

...no?

No, as in actually no, or no as in, I’m holding a bottle and most of it is gone.

The second one. More or less.

You sighed. You should never have picked up the phone.

Have to go, Pope. Please, just don’t do something dumb like drive.

Or send me more texts, you thought as one of your friends asked if everything was okay.

You nodded rapidly and mouthed that everything was fine, and quickly went to send a final text reply to Pope. A split second before you could get your words on the screen, another message popped up.

I love you.

That was not what you were expecting. Or needing to hear right now. Or had any idea how to deal with, so you just pinched the bridge of your nose, shot Pope a final message, and then shut off your phone.

Goodnight, Pope.

*****

It had been a few weeks since that night Pope texted you those three little words that you were not expecting to hear, and since you were fairly certain he was drunk, you let the whole thing slide. To his credit, there had been no more messages waiting when you turned your phone back on. Life continued, basic and normal.

Until tonight.

You were sitting in a bar on a Friday night after another very, very long day at work. You were kicking back and letting loose with your friends, finally getting a chance to let all the stress of the day (and the whole week, again, to be honest) flow out of you as freely as the liquor was flowing in. You were singing along, not necessarily badly but definitely loudly in the way that only alcohol can enhance, to the cover band currently up on the stage.

And then, after more than your fair share of tequila shots and a rousingly intoxicated sing-a-long of Pour Some Sugar on Me, you decided that texting Pope would be the most fabulous idea in the whole entire universe. Your phone was in your hand before you knew it.

Hey handsome.

I miss you and I wish you were here so I could bounce quarters off your ass.

Hey cariña. I’m sorry, what are we doing now?

You looked down at your phone and cackled hysterically even as your face flushed with heat. That...wasn’t exactly what you meant, but now you were having a very difficult time getting the image of Pope’s ass out of your head. Dammit. And, well, at least half of you hoped he wouldn’t reply, the other half hoped he would, and most of you wasn’t expecting him to.

But of course he replied. It was Pope, after all.

Lololol oops I mean wish you were here we could play quarters. Kick your ass.

Uh huh. What number shot are you on?

How did he know you were doing shots? Oh, right. You were now remembering that time when he said some dumb shit and you decided accepting his shot challenge was an incredibly brilliant way to shut his ass up, and the next thing you knew, it was a scene out of Raiders of the Lost Ark with a mountain of empty shot glasses and a mostly empty bottle of John Crow Batty between you and then you’d stumbled out into the parking lot and gone into the alleyway and...well. He knew you liked shots.

Irrele...Iverant… dunno haha.

Are you okay?

M fine. Out with friends. Shots.

Yeah honey, I got that part. Do you need me to come get you?

Nope. M good. Gonna uber home. No worry.

Okay, if you’re sure. But if you need me, you call me and I’ll come to wherever you are, no questions.

In a plane?

Sorry honey, what?

You’re in Braz..Colomb...wherever. You just gonna walk? Need a plane!

You were sure you could hear him laughing. Could people really laugh through texts? You could see him shaking his head with that bemused half-grin on his face. He had that look a lot around you, but especially when you had too much tequila. You were funny when you had too much tequila. He was funny when you had too much tequila.

You had definitely had too much tequila.

No, I’m not in Colombia anymore. Told you that last time.

Ohhhh. Did he? You couldn’t really remember that part. You were starting to remember other parts of your last conversation, though.

Sorry about last time btw. 

Huh. Was he? Were you? Your head was swimming and your brain was woozy and it felt like you were inside a washing machine with an unbalanced spin cycle. You no longer felt any real control over your fingers and what they were typing. You were definitely feeling like you needed to...to… - stop texting, stop texting, stop texting - you brain chanted. You were very willing to ignore it.

Ok so no planes. Fuck you Santiago I wanted you to make me fly.

...are you sure you don’t need me to come get you?

I’m sure. Gonna call that uber. Think too much tequila.

Ok. Hey, do me a favor, text when you get home? So I know you’re ok. Please?

You could do that. You could definitely do that. Maybe. Would your phone still work when you got home? Maybe it only worked here in the bar, or whenever you had some booze. You definitely weren’t going to have any booze when you got home so maybe your phone would just...stop working? You weren’t sure how much of anything worked right now.

Too much tequila.

Cariña?

For a fraction of a split second, your agave-addled brain caught up to what your fingers were doing. Suddenly you felt queasy and groaned, flagging down one of your friends and only having the fortitude to possibly mumble something about getting a ride. They nodded, calling for your ride as you typed one more message, then shut off your phone and threw it into your bag.

I love you, Santiago.

*****

You ended up not texting Pope when you got home. Hell, you don’t even remember getting home. You remember your friend calling the uber, you sort of remember leaving the bar, you kind of remember actually getting in your ride, and you ever so slightly remember actually getting into your apartment. Fortunately for you, you also remember that the uber driver was also someone you worked with in the office and a trustworthy person, so getting home in one piece wasn’t ever a problem.

Staying in one piece once you got there wasn’t either, as you promptly passed out face down on your bed. You woke up in the same place, in the same clothes, vaguely smelling like a distillery. Sitting up proved to be your worst idea in at least the past several hours and you crashed back down onto your mattress, groaning.

As you fell forward (the motion doing having no actual benefit for the throbbing in your head) the mattress gave a little bounce and your phone fell out of your bag, which had ended up lying on its side up by your pillows. Grabbing it, you opened one eye to turn it on and check the time. Why was it off? Oh, right, the fuzzy edges of your memory from the night before said, you’d turned it off at some point...maybe at the bar? In the uber? You could recall very little. Until about two minutes later when that evil little piece of technology beeped an extremely uncalled for series of pitched tones and all your new messages loaded.

And then you saw it all and remembered everything.

Your head was throbbing mercilessly as you forced yourself to read through all the messages. Quarters. Shots. Airplanes. Offers of assistance. Pope’s ass. Telling Pope that...dammit.

How much tequila did you drink?

Pope had sent you six messages since you’d told him...that. Wincing, you read them quickly.

Hey, you get home ok?

I hope you’re ok. Please just let me know?

Cariña? Honey?

Please don’t make me send in the cavalry to check on you.

One tequila two tequila three tequila fucking call me.

That’s it, I’m coming over to check on you. No arguments. I need to know you’re not like drowning in a puddle of half-digested Patron or some shit.

The time stamp on the last message said he’d sent that particular one twenty minutes ago. No, no, no, you did not want him coming over. How did he even know where you lived? He spent the last two years in the jungle somewhere, it’s not like you sent each other postcards. There was still time to call him off. You summoned any bearings you could pin down and sent him a text.

Hi. I’m fine. Hangover. Don’t need to come over. Sorry about last night.

That should be direct and to the point. Pope always did appreciate a direct approach.

Too late, I’m in the parking lot.

Fuuuuuuuck.

You dragged yourself over to the window, peeking out through the slats in the blinds. Sure enough, you could see him - the back side of him anyway, but you’d recognize that backside anywhere - leaning into the back of his SUV. You let the slats snap back into place and faceplanted back on the mattress. Was your headache getting worse?

Really I’m fine. Feeling sick. Gonna be in the bathroom all day.

Coming into your building now.

Pope, seriously.

At your door.

Sure enough, you heard a light knock. Dammit. Santiago Garcia was officially the most annoying, most persistent, most frustrating, most caring and loyal person you’d even had the (mis)fortune of knowing.

You still weren’t going to open the door.

Come on, cariña, open up. I come bearing gifts.

He was just on the other side of your front door and he was still sending you texts. Of course he was. He probably thought it was hilarious. Part of you had to admit, if the roles were reversed, you would think so too.

I don’t want anything from you, Pope. I want to go back to bed.

Not leaving until I see for myself that you’re ok.

Santi, please. Can’t do this right now.

You thought you knew him well enough that, if you really insisted, he would leave you alone. And you knew he normally would have done what you asked; he’d done so before, left when you asked. And it had been two years since he’d listened to your directive and today, frankly, he wasn’t having it.

Baby, let me in or get ready to call the cops on me, because I can and will pick this lock.

He would, too, that asshole. Growling in frustration, you somehow made it to the door without too much swaying and tripping, turned the lock and the deadbolt. You pulled the door open and the vaguely surprised look on his face dissolved into a grin. He was biting his lip trying to hide it. It wasn’t working.

Your hair looked like a very cranky bird had taken up roost on top of your head. Your eyes were ringed in black from where your mascara had rubbed away and a smeared streak of eyeliner ran down your left cheek. The right side of your face had wrinkled indents from where you landed on the mattress and spent the night on top of your rumpled comforter. Your eyes were bloodshot and puffy and the expression on your face could only be described as pissed off and exhausted.

You were beautiful.

He handed you the bag in his hands, then took his phone back out of his pocket. You just blinked at him in confusion until your text alert went off again. Rolling your eyes, you reached for your phone and sighed.

I brought you ginger ale. And also a burrito from that place you always liked, the one around the corner.

You opened your mouth to make a snarky retort, but Pope shook his head and nodded towards the phone in your hand. You tilted your head in an approximation of really? and he just raised an eyebrow in response. You rolled your eyes - ow, that hurt - but did as he was indicating.

How did you even know where I live?

Figured you probably didn’t move. But asked Frankie just to make sure.

Gonna have a talk with that boy about giving out my personal information. Pendejo.

Pope laughed softly at that and picked up his phone again. The corners of your mouth turned up slightly despite your best efforts.

I also brought you a giant bottle of Excedrin and a sleep mask. And I’m really good at giving hangover-curing massages. What do you say?

You wanted to say no. You wanted to close the door in his face and pretend that every text you’d exchanged over the past few weeks was a bold-faced lie. You wanted to believe that the man standing at your door was just an illusion and the real one was still somewhere deep in the jungle, far away from your house and your heart.

But none of that was true.

Dammit.

You stepped aside to let him walk in the door, and as he did, he opened his mouth to say something to you. But you closed your eyes and shook your head for just a moment, then his phone dinged and he looked down at the display.

;)

~end~

[khaoscontrol]

oh my man you have no idea how much lore i’ve got. you fool, you’ve given me the excuse to infodump about everything!

(sorry this got super long so i’m making a separate post, also it’s 2am so i’m not gonna format this correctly or do literally anything to it)

i’ll start by explaining the timeline, i find it easiest to categorize it by the different versions of maria that exist in the au.

for starters, we have regular old canon maria. her deal is basically the same as in canon up until her death. i really just wanted a “maria lives” au but with a twist. so basically the lore is professor gerald didn’t have a lot of confidence in finding a cure for maria via project shadow so he came up with a plan b which involved creating a machine that could upload someone’s mind onto a computer (mainly because that’s just a sci-fi trope i always liked). of course this was more of a last resort kinda deal, but when g.u.n. raided the ark they didn’t exactly have a lot of options. maria was still shot like in canon and she did physically “die” but gerald managed to upload her consciousness before she actually died. unfortunately the project was still very experimental and maria wasn’t actually able to respond to any of their tests to see if it worked, leading gerald to believe it had failed. thus allowing the plot of sa2 to still happen.

so the next maria in the timeline is cyber maria. this is just the version of maria that’s living in a computer on the ark... ...for 50 years.... ........alone. unlike shadow, she was completely conscious for this entire time which meant an awful lot of time alone with her thoughts. her memories weren’t totally together at the beginning and it takes her an awfully long time to put everything together but once she finally does she’s not quite the same and her personality shifts quite a bit. she still holds the same love for humanity and her family, but she IS tired of being nice, she DOES want to go apeshit! her main beef is with g.u.n. for literally killing her and everything else they did. she’s honestly quite pissed (rightfully so) but she can’t really do anything about it so she honestly just spends 50 years worrying about her family. she doesn’t know if shadow or her grandfather survived after everything that happened and at this point she has no idea how long it’s been.

50 years pass and the events of sa2 take place exactly as they do in canon (can’t fix perfection babey!) and although she’s on the ark, maria has no way of knowing that any of it’s happening. so it’s not actually until a little while after the events of shadow the hedgehog(2005) that anything actually happens maria wise. so the scene is eggman is looking into his grandfather’s research to see if he can get any ideas that would help him beat sonic and co when he comes across the files about the whole plan b project (lmao sorry i don’t actually have a good name for what he might’ve called it). he get’s real curious about it and decides to head back up to the ark and check it out. one thing leads to another and he manages to have a conversation with maria and she’s just thrilled to know that the outside world still exists, she also makes fun of him because “lmfao what kind of name is eggman?” after all she’s still mentally a teenager. eggman mentions that he’s quite skilled in making robots and could build a body for her back on earth and maria is all for ALL of that.

which leads us into metal maria. as soon as she has an actual physical body again eggman explains to her how long it’s been, who he actually is (literally her younger cousin lmao) and a bit of what’s been going on in the worlds, he lets it slip that he may have blown up the moon a little bit and gets thoroughly scolded on that. he also mentions that him and shadow may sorta kinda be enemies and shadow maybe is working for organization that killed her, which every bit of that makes her pissed. she decides to join forces with eggman so that he can help her take down g.u.n. since he’s not exactly on their good side. she also agrees to help deal with sonic on occasion but she doesn’t do much because “what how old is he? like 15 or something? nah dude become mortal enemies with an adult like a normal person.” despite everything, the protective older sister instinct is still strong within her and she’s super against picking fights with kids (especially ones that are friends rivals with her bro) on the subject of shadows friends, she does not like rouge, omega she doesn’t mind as much but still doesn’t like that much. she meets rouge a while before she’s actually reunited with shadow and they don’t exactly have a good first impression. maria assumes that rouge convinced shadow to join g.u.n. “because why else would he do something that stupid, he’s dumb but he can’t be that dumb?” and rouge just doesn’t buy maria’s backstory and assumes eggman only made her to mess with shadow. also rouge is lowkey jealous of maria because she’s got that v good and strong sisterly bond with shadow and DAMNIT she want’s that! so the two of them are basically enemies for a while until maria finally manages to reunite with shadow and he’s honestly just really fed up with them constantly fighting and arguing so their relationship dies down to less of enemies and more of a petty rivalry. also at some point during all that maria decides that metal sonic is also her brother now and there’s nothing he can do about it (spoilers: he actually really enjoys her affection but tries not to show it)

over time maria and metal become kinda a neutral party between sonic and eggman. and honestly with maria’s constant lecturing, eggman kinda tones it down on the world domination deal and becomes more of a dr. doofenshmirtz type villain because it’s funnier that way. (sorry i ONLY make an au if it’s wholesome) he kinda only keeps up the villain gig for the press and because it’s kinda his brand at this point.

which leads us into neo metal maria, 10 years in the future maria takes over the eggman empire. it’s 110% for show. she puts on this big facade of being a villain with megamind level dramatics but she never does anything other than screw over g.u.n., which team dark has long since stopped working with at this point, finally. seriously that sucked what the heck where you thinking sega? whatever i fixed it for them ;)

in the future of this au (which i don’t focus on a whole lot because i like drawing them as a bunch of kids just screwing around, god i’m so smart sega could never) since eggman isn’t a problem everyone’s whole deal is just dealing with other threats and also just a lot of adventuring. every once and a while some old god will try and destroy the world again as per usual and maria will actually step in to help. because of this and the fact that she’s not actually violent, maria is actually quite adored by the public. which is literally her goal, she’s not a villain she’s an entertainer!

and there’s a whole lot more to this au because i actually focus on pretty much every character and how this all plays out for them. i have a different take on how some games played out with her being there (mainly 06 and forces because they’re not great even tho i love them, but her being there made them funny) but yeah i’ve put a LOT of thought into this au and it means a whole lot to me. this is literally just a summary of eveything that happens. over time i’ll expand on this more.

but hot diggity shit, it’s 2am. so i’m just gonna wrap this up with some sketches of the gal!

[sir-silly]

The Last War fan review

So, our beloved show has ended. And while I wish things would have gone differently, I did cry with relief when Clarke looked over and saw everyone already waiting for her.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the finale.

1) Going right into the title sequence kind of shocked me. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but I was just immediately like “oh.” It was a bitch-slap in the face that they left a gap in the credits for Bob Morley. Why you gotta do us like that?

2) Murphy screaming “come on” while they used the defibrillator on Emori was heartbreaking. And his little whispered encouragements were so freaking cute.

3) Clarke rampage? Yes, please! I love me a badass woman. However, unlimited ammo is a sin in writing. The moment Octavia picked up the sword was a big “oh yes.”

4) Did Cadogan not care about his son like at all? Lmao. Why is he so hung up on Callie and not his other kid (who I can’t even remember the name of). I don’t care if they explain in the prequel, that’s still a shitty parent choosing favorites. Along with his wife, like, was she not his greatest love? It was Callie? Kinda fucked up.

5) Why the fuck could Jordan figure out it was a test and not a war in 5 seconds when the Disciples were studying that shit for decades? I know he’s Monty’s son, but he’s not a genius or anything.

6) Thoughts on the test: I think Cadogan would have failed and the human race would be destroyed. Why bother asking questions if you already know all the answers?

7) Why wasn’t Gaia in the finale like at all?? Like, what the fuck. She was hunting??? For what?? That really annoyed me because I’ve grown to really like her and there was no point in her not being involved in the last episode. They seriously couldn’t have thrown her in there? Like, come on! Even Niylah was there! (not saying that I don’t like her, it’s just that Gaia has felt far more important to the story than her).

8) I do think that Jasper and Hope are cute together, and I know they spent the majority of their lives either alone or only with their parents, but GOD I can’t stand how awkward they are. Also, I know ya’ll have feelings for each other and shit, but is now really the time to be making out?? Why do people think that’s okay in literally the worst situations? I know it’s a show, but come on.

9) And how the fuck did Jordan throw and catch that sword? He’s a child who’s never fought a day in his life. Unless they suddenly want to tell me that Harper and Monty were secret ninjas and taught him all their tricks, I don’t believe that.

10) I’m being pissy and bringing up things from the past, but I don’t care. Why the fuck couldn’t Harper and Monty gone into cryo? I know they were happy and shit, but I’M NOT. How the fuck did it take so long for him to get into the files for Sanctum? His ass has done that shit a thousand times before in about two minutes and suddenly it takes him 80 years? Bullshit.

11) I’m still being pissy, but how the fuck does Jordan know what a magician is? “For my first trick, I will make an army appear.” Bruh, no. Monty wouldn’t have known what a magician was either. If they weren’t being taught what a Navy Seal was, there’s no way they knew what magicians were. Calling bullshit on that one as well.

12) I was pretty surprised that the Disciples didn’t start firing on Wonkru immediately. Like, this is the war they’ve been gearing up for forever and they don’t attack as soon as possible? Also, where the fuck did Wonkru get their war paint? Do they just constantly have it on their person? Or did their asses literally spend time making their paint before going to Bardo?

13) I fucking love Miller and Jackson. They’re freaking adorable. Murphy’s flat “I am glad you are safe” was so fucking funny. Also, saving Emori in one scene just to kill her in the next is bullshit. They should have just killed her the first time and done the same thing anyway. Murphy screaming at Jackson to do something and sobbing was heartbreaking. Fantastic acting on Richard Harmon’s part.

14)  Octavia putting on Lincoln’s same warpaint again was once again, so sad. I miss that man. He was too good for his own good. And while I do think that her and Levitt are very cute together, I’ll always prefer her with Lincoln. But I think that he would be really happy that she has found someone new to love.

15) Apparently whatever Echo “did” to Levitt was so forgettable that I don’t even know what she’s talking about. Bad writing. I shouldn’t forget that in just a few weeks, I should remember as soon as I see the two of them in the same room.

16) Lexa. Just all of it. There were some suspicions that she would show up for the last episode, but I didn’t really believe them because I didn’t understand how she would be integrated. I’m glad that they did bring her back, but I’m also not. It was amazing to see her back by Clarke in all of her armor and glory, but knowing it wasn’t actually Lexa was just a punch in the face. It wasn’t her mind, so it’s almost like they didn’t bring her back anyway. I honestly would have preferred if they used someone else for her Judge, because that just really didn’t do it for me. Their hug was sweet, but it didn’t even count as her returning. I personally think that her Judge should have been Bellamy or Madi instead, as they both certainly could fill the role of “the subject’s greatest teacher or the source of their greatest failure...it can be their greatest love.” This is just my preference. Believe me, I know how much Lexa meant to Clarke, but as a fan, bringing our favorite Heda back in that way wasn’t the best way to do it. As a writer, it makes sense, but it doesn’t as a fan. The writers can’t just think of what is the best storytelling, they have to think of what those watching will think.

17) I’m confused about the mindspace? Why did Clarke wake up in her solitary room with her memories painted all over the walls, but Emori woke up in the castle with a view of the desert? Why wouldn’t it have been her and Murphy’s cave? Is there a reason it was the bedroom and not the cave?

18) I know this isn’t canon in any sense, but could you imagine if Murphy and Emori fought over John’s body and she won, and then suddenly woke up with a penis? How fucking funny would that be? Just had to throw that out there.

19) Can I just again reiterate how fucking cute Miller and Jackson are?

20) I’m curious about the location of the test. Why did Cadogan’s take place on a pier, while Raven’s happened on the Ark? If it was their favorite place, wouldn’t Raven’s have been actually out in space? Like during a spacewalk? I’m confused about that.

21) I knew that Raven was somehow going to be involved in the test just because of the trailers we got for the final episode. My two guesses for who the judge would be were Finn and Abby. Though I am happy that we got to see Abby again, I would be curious to see if the scene would have played out any differently if it had been Finn.

22) Where was the full line that was given in the trailer? Because that was amazing. “We’re selfish, and we’re violent, and we have destroyed too much, but we survived.” I loved that line far more than what we got instead, which was simply, “Have we made mistakes? Yes. Clarke, me, all of us, but we were just trying to survive.” I definitely would have chosen the former over the latter. Poor choice on the editors’ parts.

23) How the fuck did Octavia and Echo go out to the field and get Levitt with Echo only being shot once? With all the bullets, the three of them should have been torn apart, I don’t care how much Indra could cover Octavia. Calling bullshit on that as well.

24) Bringing this up kind of late because I’m giving my reviews as I’m rewatching the episode, but what they had Eliza do was really fucked up. Her and Bob suffered a miscarriage during the filming of season seven, so the scene of her holding Madi and crying “my baby” is like 10 times more heartbreaking. If they made her film that after having a miscarriage mere days, weeks or few months before, that’s really, really messed up.

25) They really played-up Sheidheda’s bringing back of “jus drein jus daun” in the trailer. In reality, it was far less intense. I would have preferred what I had been expecting, which was him coming to help convince Wonkru that they would be able to win. However, I am super glad that he is dead and Indra finally got to kill him. I love how that bigass gun just turns people into mist lol.

26) The beginning of Octavia’s speech was literally like “what the FUCK guys” and it was hilarious. And I swear to god if I hear her say “we are Wonkru” or “you are Wonkru” another time, I’m gonna scream. I know it was legit the last episode but I’m sick of it by now lol. When Indra was like “I hope you know what you’re doing,” Octavia’s face was just like “omg me too” and it was really funny.

27) Bellamy. His situation was a whole problem itself. He deserved a hell of a lot better and wHY DID HE CUT HIS HAIR I LIKED IT THE LONG WAY. Anyway, you can bet your ass I’ll be writing a different ending where he didn’t die because FUCK THAT. When I do, I’ll be sure to share it.

28) I’m fucking confused about Murphy and Emori both transcending. Because, what the fuck. Emori died. The dead don’t transcend. Her mind wasn’t even in her body, it was in Murphy’s. So how the fuck did she end up alive and in her own body again. I’m glad she’s alive, but I just don’t understand. It would have made way more sense to have either not had her die in the first place, or to have Murphy, Miller, and Jackson keep pumping her heart so she technically “lived” anyway like Echo.

29) If Madi had decided not to transcend, would she still have been paralyzed? I mean, I would assume not because Levitt and Hope’s gunshots were healed, as was Emori, but I’m curious. Also, wouldn’t Raven’s leg have been fixed? Because if they only fix recent wounds and not old ones, that’s stupid.

30) On the point of Madi deciding not to transcend, why did she? Why didn’t so many other people choose not to? Like, not one Eligius prisoner or person from Sanctum chose to live? No one else from Wonkru? Why didn’t anyone else other than the main cast and guest stars not transcend? I totally understand the Disciples transcending, but seriously, nobody else wanted to live? That’s really weird. Madi and her friends really couldn’t have chosen to live on Earth with Clarke and the others? I just think it’s really unrealistic that not one single person outside of the group chose not to transcend.

31) I was really surprised that Murphy and Emori chose not to transcend, because as the Judge said, they would eventually die and not join them in the infinite. It shocked me due to their fear of dying and wanting to be immortal, but I’m really proud of them.

32) I’m disappointed that those who don’t transcend can’t have children. There were suspicions that Emori might have been pregnant (which were never confirmed), but the idea of her and Murphy having a kid together was adorable. They’d have their teeny tiny families with those two, Hope and Jordan, and Octavia and Levitt.

33) This isn’t as much me pointing out a problem as me wondering, what was Clarke going to say to the Judge when she turned around? What else did she have to say or ask? Was it about Madi? Or maybe Lexa? Or just transcending in general?

34) It’s pretty shitty that some of our questions went unanswered due to the fact that there will be a prequel. On the other hand, I live for lore, so I’m just glad that they eventually will be answered. But still, that doesn’t excuse shitty writing.

35) I want to see a stupid edit of Picasso taking the test where the Judge is Madi.

I think we all know that season seven was really not what we wanted it to be. We’ve been really disappointed by the writers and unfortunately, this is what we got out of it. I believe they really could have done a better job, but I am at least glad that everyone ended up together.

The writing was lacking. Too many questions were left unanswered, I don’t care if you’re making a sequel or not. Plot holes. It really could have been a good season if it was done better.

My ranking of the seasons is as follows: 3, 2, 4, 1, 6, 5, 7. Seasons 4 and 1 are kind of interchangeable for me in spots three and four, as are 6 and 5 in the two spots behind them, whatever the order may be.

But I still love the show. I love the characters, their development, and many things about it. It has been quite the journey and I am glad to have been a fan of the show.

May we meet again.

[ladyfeldspar]

By the power vested in me by my RNG, I give you...

6x09: Free Hat (aka the reason I broke the second disc of Season 6)

This is hella long, sorry not sorry.

Some days I think season 6 is my favorite season.

Tweek standing behind the other three at the SP sign will never cease to make me happy. <3

I hate ET because I think he's a creepyass little alien and I don't appreciate seeing him first thing in this episode. 😂

Okay but I love when Kyle's saying, "...to make ET more PC," he's doing little air quotes with his one hand, like:

Stan: "That's gay." Back when saying things like that was only mildly offensive and wouldn't cause riots.

I've never seen Saving Private Ryan, and I know that it's said that it can be really triggering for people who have actually been to war and everything and I don't want to diminish that in any way, but whatever I paused on here looks like some kind of nether realm squid ghost monster and it's amazing.

I love the progression of their expressions here: angry, unimpressed, concerned, and "why is this happening?!"

And they're all so excited for Star Wars, that's the cutest fricking thing! I would love to see Tweek and Craig watching Star Wars together, just try and tell me that wouldn't be adorable!

ALL OF THEM ARE SO MAD! I fucking love when Tweek gets the little angry eyebrows.

I will never ever not want to hug him whenever I see Tweek shiver like crazy while the other kids just stand perfectly still.

The message in this episode is actually so good though. "Movies are art and art shouldn't be messed with!"

"Yeah we could form a club that takes food stamps from poor people and then we could sell them back to the government for a profit!" Tweek’s face here is priceless.

Poor Tweek. There's kind of a pattern in these episodes where multiple times he tries to stand up for himself or walk away from the main kids, but Cartman bullies him into staying and it just breaks my heart. As opposed to Craig in the Pandemics who's just like, "Fuck this." And as much as I adore all of the S6 Tweek episodes, I'm really glad he didn't stay hanging out with them for any longer and that he went back to the group of guys that are actually his friends. <3

"I'm not, I'm not a team player!" 😭 That being said, I could listen to Tweek talk all day.

"You have to offer fabulous prizes if you want people to show up to your stupid crap!" is just the S6 version of, "More people will come if they think we'll have punch and pie!" 😂

Stan: "Tweek, you go make fifty hats." Look, okay, I don't hate Stan, all right, but what the hell dude, go make your own hats! Why would you give the anxious kid a big responsibility like that!? At least have Kyle help him or something. Like you say you need to get the gymnasium ready which means what, make a banner and set up some chairs? And you're telling me you couldn't have split up the making of the hats? Jesus Christ.

(Yeah, okay, I know, chill out, they're 8.)

I posted this on my Tumblr before, so I'm not going to do it again, but that TINY LITTLE SHRIEK THAT TWEEK DOES after his dad says his name. I just. Literally. Die. Of cuteness. Every single time. It's my favorite Tweek shriek of the entire show, hands down.

On another note, his bedroom is so empty in this episode compared to in Tweek x Craig! I wonder what changed between here and then.

Tweek being able to calm himself down with some meditation is honestly so cute. And look at his happy place! I would love to have this on a shirt or a bag or just like as a piece of art hanging on my wall or something.

Cartman's giant face showing up there. 😂 I remember the first time I saw this episode that actually startled me so much.

"I was up, all night, making hats! I only slept for an hour- and then I DREAMT about making hats! But I only made fifteen!" - This has been one of my favorite lines since forever. I make it my status on things a lot and then everyone asks me why I was making hats all night. 😂

I love Stan's expression here.

"I don't have nearly 1000 hats!" "They're gonna kick your ass, Tweek!" 😡😡😡

Look at this shot! It really looks like Stan is the only one remotely concerned about Tweek's well-being here.

We get so much of Tweek yanking on his hair in this episode. </3

How am I less than five minutes into this and I have talked this much?

The townspeople are literally so stupid. Good job, Skeeter.

Stan makes good speeches when he wants to. Although, you know, you shouldn't make promises without fully knowing what you're doing.

Only Tweek would think going on a TV show is terrible news. (Just kidding. I agree with you, Tweek.)

I've never understood the "1-2-3, dibs!! "Knee!" thing. Like I know what dibs is, but where I come from knees were never involved.

Typical Cartman. I feel so bad for Tweek, but I love when he looks down to see "Advocate of Toddler Murder" underneath him. Cartoon logic is the best logic.

There's also a lot of good Tweek shrieks here too.

"It's easy!?" "Yes... It is easy."

"We believe that films have to be taken away from people like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas because they're insane." The way Kyle matter-of-factly delivers this line kills me every time.

They honestly made SS and GL look so creepy. 😂

I like that Cartman's voice kind of cracks when he's like, "That's Steven Spielberg and George Lucas!"

Someone just let Tweek go home, please!

"Uh, we thought we were speaking for the children." "Yeah, we're children."

"I'm not a Jew!" 😂 Thank you, George Lucas.

Okay, full disclosure, when I first saw this I hadn't seen Raiders of the Lost Ark and I didn't get the big deal. 😂 But I do now!!!

"He...killed 23 babies in self-defense?" "Hat was attacked maliciously and unprovoked by a gang of babies in West Town Park. When that many babies get together they can be like pirahna!" 😂 I say this all the time.

Skeeter. 😂 Honestly, you are no help at ALL.

Second time this episode Tweek tries to say no and walk away.

"People aren't that into you, Tweek. They find you kind of annoying." This is so meta because I remember people complaining all the time that Tweek was a one-note character and that he had nothing really to add to the show and I just want to say SUCK IT TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE BECAUSE LOOK HOW LOVED TWEEK IS NOW. Everyone who was on board the Tweek train from the very beginning say, "Cupcakes!" 😂<3

These kids, man. I love that it’s so easy for them to just get into all these places.

"Get it, Tweek!" "Huh-uh!" I love the way Tweek says no. But, I mean, AGAIN, he tries to say no and Cartman bullies him. I don't think he ever really wanted to be in their group in the first place. I think they picked him arbitrarily in Professor Chaos because they saw him as weaker than them, and then Cartman just didn't let him quit.

The little debate about melting his icy heart with a cool island song is also something I quote often. AND THEIR LITTLE OUTFITS! I love that Tweek's is green and pink! I don't know what the hell is going on with the sleeves on everyone else's though.

"Those rams can do to us what they will, Mr. Lucas." 😂

Oh, George Lucas. You were so close to being a hero.

Stan: "Fuck you Steven Spielberg!" I've watched this censored so many times that hearing it uncensored is so fricking satisfying.

RUN TWEEK RUN!!!

The walkie talkies are such a nice touch. 😂

"The one with the cocaine problem escaped, Mein Director."

Mannn, I miss when they used to throw live action "commercials" into the episodes like this. This also is from the time where I was like hella attracted to Trey Parker so seeing his face is always welcome. 😂

"We always meant to have Imperial Walkers and giant Dewback lizards in the background, but simply couldn’t afford it."

Oh my God, I'm always so proud of Tweek for talking to this huge crowd of people and trying to get them to help him! His little talking through his teeth, like, "We are not talking about Hat right now, okay?!" He's trying so hard!

"Oh God, I'm gonna have to do this myself! Oh, God!" just breaks my heart! YOU CAN DO IT, TWEEK! 13 seasons from now you'll have someone who helps you believe in yourself, just hang on!

Tweek with the bazooka, oh my gosh, always makes me so happy. I can't tell you how much I wanted him to just blow them all the fuck up the first time I saw this.

"All I want are my friends. Except for Cartman, you can keep him." YEAH, TWEEK!

I hate that Steven Asshole Spielberg manages to talk enough crap to make Tweek hesitate. He was so close! I wonder how he would have felt if he actually did it though, Maybe it's better he didn't? It might have made his anxiety worse if he actually blew people up now that I think about it.

"In the tropical isles with the coconut trees, the air is fresh and the people are free, but here in the mountains there's no freedom like that, there's a man in prison and his name is Hat!" This gets stuck in my head so often.

It makes it so much better having actually seen Raiders, especially for this part. I honestly thought the melting faces was just a South Park thing but nope.

I also really love what they look like turned away with their eyes closed too. <3

Like what even is going on in this scene. 😂

Oh my God, okay, and I know that Hat is a terrible person and I want to clarify just in case, I do not think killing babies is funny, but just the way that baby crawls up the person's arm to avoid getting passed to Hat is always so so funny to me and I can never explain why.

Tweek being the only one to be appropriately horrified by the fact that Hat is being given a baby.

"Sometimes the things we do don't matter right now. Sometimes they matter later. We have to care more about later sometimes, you know? I think that's what separates us from the Steven Spielbergs and George Lucases of the world." This is still so relevant.

The ending of this episode is also so much better after actually seeing Raiders. 😂

And we close off with a 9/11 joke. Perfection, Matt and Trey, thank you & goodnight.

[archived-brokentoys]

@folcire​ / giving me dat good rant:

Heres the tea; first up theres too much to say in notes but I was there from the begining of G0tham + the g0tham fandom to the end & I went through all the horrid horrid discorse and the idiotic behaviours of fans & the writers nonsense on their offical twitter account as well. So heres the bomb shell: Ed was not a well liked character in G0tham until he struck up a relationship with Oswald.  After that his populairty inceased a little directly along with the EdxOswald ship, however, Eds populairty didn't peek until he legit had a homophobic melt down toward Oswald. Theres a lot of debate about this but the truth no one likes to talk about is that the Writers and his actor INSISTED that Ed absloutely WAS NOT GAY which made his behaviours toward Oswald incredibly awful given if he was not gay or bi ("Ed is in no way queer" was the actors actual words on the subject ) because suddenly the fandom couldn't actually excuse Ed's behaviour by claiming it was simply "internalized homophobia", bc Ed being not gay/bi made it just Homophobia TM. However the "Nygm0bblep0tters" held onto this idea of Ed having "internalised homophobia" to the bitter end & the writers gleefully. Queer baited & were just all around aweful until the end too! So back to the point, Ed got mad popular when he went full homophobe & a lot of very homophobic fans considered him a hero 'saving' them from the 'gay cancer / gay agender' while idiotic slash shippers woobied him as that poor babu with interalised homophobia. The season 3 plot was HORRIFIC and destoryed the show. There as never & probably never will be anything more reildicious & homophobic on screen then that season long shit show. No, not even supernatrual gets close. I legit cant even rewatch season 3 bc it is HORRENDOUS. anyway. deep breath. There u go.

God. GOD. Like... I KNEW there was a reason the show gave me major bad vibes. For the most part, it was the writing which felt a little ableist to me. But golly! Let’s mark down ableism AND homophobia. I didn’t actually know this? Because as said, I’ve no actual context to the scenes that I saw. I just knew Ed rejected him and then Os killed his girlfriend and then Ed shot him. Yay, what a wonderful ship! Am I right? Which I was confused why so many people shipped them before... but now... NOW I’M ULTRA CONFUSED. Don’t get me wrong at all. I don’t mind the Os and Ed ship! Hell, if an Os manages to whoo my Ed, I’d ship it! But in the context of G0tham verse? It was always so... Weird to me. Like if they were treated as a problematic ship, I wouldn’t mind. But people would just ship them as if they’re very in love and as if it’s healthy and as if it’s cute. When like. They’ve done such horrible stuff to each other and from the sound of it NOW, it’s just awful. 

Anyways! Now you’ve REALLY turned me off the show! Like GOSH. I can’t even find the words to say?? Other than. I’m just not really surprised. Like I SOUND surprised, but I know I shouldn’t be. It doesn’t surprise me coming from a show like this.

But I guess I wanted to say one thing is that I’ve noticed that there are legit fans who seemingly love him outside the ship. Because I saw a Reddit thread on discussing which Ed is better, Ark@m verse or G0tham verse... in which damned near everyone said G0tham verse and I just... couldn’t believe it. I guess because Ark is what made me REALLY love Ed’s character, it’s what really introduced me to his character, and it had a lot of cool things about his character which I take a lot of inspiration for my own portrayal. People talked about how much better he was in G0tham. But then again... those people probably never really bothered listening to the patient files or doing most of the riddles, because lots of them... criticized him for things that were already explained in the game. (For example; there were a couple of people saying his hatred for Bat makes no sense. Even tho... the series literally gives SEVERAL REASONS as to why he hates Bat so much and why it’s personal. And many others thinks he’s written to be intentionally stupid/pretending to be smart in it, which... I also don’t think, but I can somewhat understand why others WOULD think that.) OKAY, I’m really getting off-topic but. Even on YouTube when I saw history about Ed’s character, everyone in the comments were like “G0THAM DID ED THE MOST JUSTICE!! I NEVER LIKED HIM UNTIL THAT SHOW!!” Which again, is funny... because after everything I heard? And now after what you told me, I just... do not like the sound of Ed’s characterization in G0tham.

P.S. I hope you don’t mind that I put numbers in your reply, I just don’t want this to pop up in the tags!

ANYWAYS x2, Edward is mentally ill, suffers from OCD, and he’s also bisexual. I declare this.

[focusfixated]

fic rec post: bookmarks of 2019

hooo boy i really got through some fandoms this year. from right-on-time fandoms that i got to partake in as they were happening (good omens) to years-too-late fandoms i only just discovered (hannibal), there have been some real outstanding things to read from authors across multiple fandoms and genres. 

i’ve put together a list below of some of the fics I bookmarked to my ao3 this year - some were written in 2019, some are older than that, but all of them left their mark on me these past 12 months.

i haven’t listed and reviewed every single story i have bookmarked this year, or else i’d be composing this post for weeks, so i’ve also put quick links at the end to other recs that you can find on my ao3 if you wish to peruse.

here’s the list, arranged by fandom, chronologically in the order i read them:

fandom: dirk gently’s holistic detective agency

interrogation by goingtoalaska – @holistick on tumblr

rating: G

pairing: dirk/todd

summary: Of course Dirk has some extremely important questions that can only be asked in the middle of the goddamn night, obviously.

notes: one of those dialogue-rich, beautifully-crafted, one-shot fics that just perfectly exemplifies the form. i’m always impressed by authors whose strength is in funny, well-written dialogue. it’s really one of the most difficult things to master. this is a well-observed rendering of these characters subtly done through conversation. comical, sweet, quick-witted, lovely.

fandom: hannibal

 consenting to dream by emungere – @emungere on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: will/hannibal

summary: a seduction through physical objects. It starts with a scarf loaned to Will on a cold day, but Hannibal, as usual, isn't satisfied with anything small.

notes: a perfectly-crafted slowburn sugar daddy AU structured around gifts and offerings that tangle hannibal and will gradually into an ever darker, more complicated, more intense relationship. this was one of those fandom-transcendent stories that was of such gripping quality, i read the whole story and its sequel without having any knowledge of the source material and went to watch the hannibal TV series entirely off the back of having read the fic.

it's honestly stunning how beautifully this is written. the consistent characterisation, the slow development and revelation of the dynamic between the hannibal and will, and the powerplay between them is so utterly compelling. i'm so fascinated and enthralled by the exploration of power dynamics, the shifting balance between what hannibal wants, and what he wants to give, and how will is both subsumed by his need to please and be cared for, and is at the same time motivated so strongly by the desire to see hannibal out of control.

everything is just so perfectly on a knife's edge at all times, it makes the development of their relationship throughout totally riveting.

  the wave at morning by emungere – @emungere on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: will/hannibal

summary: post-fall, Will and Hannibal strike a new balance in their relationship.

notes: i have probably re-read this one more often than anything else this year. more of a collection of scenes that build up the picture of a relationship than a whole story, this nevertheless has such a raw intensity, it’s one of my favourite things i’ve ever read in any fandom. a concisely-observed exploration of a developing dom/sub relationship which is based on both a powerful sexual desire and a compelling, psychological push-and-pull dynamic between the characters.

masterfully-written and searingly hot, it hits emotional notes with such accuracy and economy, leaving all this imaginative breathing room around the scenes which are remarkably stimulating. desire comes off this in waves and is so worth waiting for.

also, read everything by @emungere. a stunningly talented writer.

  fandom: legend

 you’ll find it funny (when you’re looking back someday) by th_esaurus

rating: E

pairing: ronnie/teddy

summary: It was around this time that Teddy Smith began his nightly habit of leaning on the wall across the road from Esmeralda's Barn with an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips and the top two buttons of his baby-blue shirt undone. He'd a mole dead centre on his neck and tilted his chin back to show it off, waiting for someone to come by and offer him a match.

notes: after watching the film and being left disappointed that we didn’t get to properly explore any of the fascinating characteristics of ronnie kray, violent gangster and known homosexual, this fic was bang on.

an insight into the dangerous, volatile connection between ronnie kray and mad teddy smith, and a thrilling exploration of desire and power between two unstable men. every detail in this story was so keenly-observed and delicious to read. the writing had a poetic flow to it that i enjoyed immensely, and i read it back to back three times in a row, just trying to absorb everything on offer here.

  fandom: rocketman

 what if the birds aren’t singing, they’re screaming? by th_esaurus

rating: M

pairing: elton/bernie, elton/john

summary: He is spectacularly good at making music and spectacularly good at making mistakes.

notes: an angsty one, but such a satisfying read. so achingly full of feeling, the whole story simmers like the film's version of elton john does, with a kind of raging disappointment and dissatisfaction. there is such a vivid sense of place here, such beautiful descriptions of scenery, and every snap of elton's temper against the backdrop of these warm landscapes is so keenly felt. incredibly well-observed.

the pace and flow of it, too, the way the dialogue moves, the barbs and quips and the push-and-pull of the dynamic between elton and bernie, makes for such a compelling characterisation. there is a palpable agony in the unrequited love here that anyone would recognise. the whole thing is so well-drawn, so achingly hurtful, and utterly wonderful to read.

also, do yourself a favour and read everything th_esaurus has ever written, because it’s always incredible.

  fandom: good omens

 ad astra by drawlight - @drawlight on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: Some things can only be said in the dark.

notes: and so we come to the good omens portion of the evening. this has been an astoundingly creative and productive fandom to be a part of, and has been a really fulfilling, satisfying place to put a lot of feelings. there are so many brilliant stories i’ve read since getting into this fandom, it’s hard to pick a few, but i’ll start with this wonderful classic. 

an incredibly-drawn portrait of the first tentative moments of something new. so beautifully full to bursting with images and ideas and feelings, so economic and poised in its language, it really sinks into the depth and detail of what makes these characters who they are, what draws them to each other, and it aches in the most heartfelt of ways.

  the lightness of you by rend_herring 

rating: E

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: God should not have built them with such discrepancy, made them need for love, and long for wholeness, then left them to their own devices.

notes: this is so wonderful. the tone, the pace, the way it moves so trippingly and joyfully from thing to thing, crowley's continual internal monologue which is absolutely charming and very endearing, the lightness of the humour and at the same time the depth and breadth of feeling in this, the very concept of love and what it means to have god's love, and the love of another to fill the void. this made me have such Feelings about crowley.

also likens an orgasm to the cosmic altering of the very universe and managed to make it feel both evocative and true.

  bent to the very earth by ark – @et-in-arkadia on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: Use me, please, Crowley had said, so Aziraphale takes him at his word.

notes: a fantastic read. i am so absolutely here for the constant shifting dynamics between these two, the things you'd expect from angels and demons, and the circumventing of those expectations in aziraphale and crowley. all of it is absolutely delicious, so well-observed and beautifully-crafted. 

written with all the humour and tenderness that makes them such enjoyable characters to read. also this is probably the key story that made me a fan of service top antony j. crowley now and forever.

lead me to the banquet hall by obstinatrix & wishwellingtons – @placetnemagistra and @scurator on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: Crowley loves taking Aziraphale out to eat almost as much as Aziraphale loves eating, but it's always a bit of a one-sided affair. Aziraphale has never understood why.

notes: this story destroyed every single one of my corporeal cells and projected my soul directly into the ether. incredible writing. it gives me such visceral delight to read a story that puts so much effort into its reference points - all these joyful, ornamental little sprigs of detail throughout that make this universe thoroughly lived-in and a delight to experience.

the way this story deals with food - it's exceptionally, viscerally erotic, but it symbolises so many things too; love, indulgence, pleasure, deprivation, guilt. all the things that food does represent, in our daily lives. but it's somehow heightened here, used as a turning point, a metaphor, a symbol. truly one of the best things i’ve ever read.

a bookshop is not a business by anactoriatalksback - @itsevidentvery on tumblr

rating: G

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: In which Aziraphale has no intention of selling books to anyone at all, let alone this infuriatingly persistent customer. No matter how nice his cheekbones are.

notes: absolutely delightful reading from start to finish. such a brilliantly witty tone, very pythonesque and also in keeping with the humour from the book, but also gives us all the added layers of gay disaster crowley and aziraphale from the tv series. i love every little detail in this, everything is just so well-crafted and funny, it’s really writing of the highest calibre. the back and forth of the dialogue between aziraphale and crowley is so enjoyable to read, with its quick, snappy, sparkling pace. wonderfully fluffy entertainment.

  classics appreciation with a.j. crowley by yolkinthejump - @yolkinthejump on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: Aziraphale lays a temptation for Crowley. Literally: lays himself down and waits and asks for something without actually asking, as is his way. Crowley, as is his way, is happy to oblige.

notes: thorough filth of the purest kind. this is intensely gorgeous. the glorious mess of it, the physical love and joy and the depth of their need for each other just sings off the page. an ode to form, to the body, this leans into touch and physicality in such a powerful way, but maintains a poetry and lyricism which is lovely to read. aziraphale, in all his lazy luxury, and crowley, scattered and overcome – both of these characterisations were so on point. This is such a stand-out thing, decadent and intimate and so wonderfully-written.

  the curious attractiveness of others by giddygeek - @giddygeek on tumblr

rating: T

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: “I’m rough,” Crowley argued. “A rough beast, and all that. Well,” he corrected himself, “an agent of the rough beast. Well, an associate. It’s all very complicated, as you bloody well know."

notes: a truly stunning piece of work that revolves around touch and the complicated sublimation of feelings that can’t be expressed. there is such a strong sense of character here, aziraphale's infinite softness in the face of crowley's wild, windmilling panic, and there’s a lushly detailed narrative full of little moments of humour that are a joy to read. 

it’s a simple and beautiful expression of their relationship taking place inside a magical, miraculous world made up of mundane, ordinary things that are elevated by the author’s gorgeous narrative. there are so many stand-out moments in this; brilliant, sharp lines, beautifully executed, establishing both world-building and character-stuff in one, fluid motion. this is choirs-of-angels levels of wonderful.

  it’s the beginning of a new age by fluorescentgrey - @yeats-infection on tumblr

rating: T

pairing: aziraphale/crowley 

summary: In August 1970, Aziraphale and Crowley attend one of the Velvet Underground's final shows at Max's Kansas City.

notes: reading this fic was like listening to a really beautiful song. the entire thing is just suffused with meaning and emotion, and there’s such a powerful evocation throughout of the feeling behind art and music and connection. It gave me shivers. there’s a weighty, beautiful power behind the words here, chosen so carefully to their greatest effect.

this fandom has some incredible, creative ways of evoking symbolism or finding parallels between religion or holiness or ecstasy of a sort with other earthly feelings (sex, desire, servitude, love) but since reading this i've not yet found such a stunning evocation of this feeling of connectedness drawn through music anywhere else. this is beyond a beautiful good omens story. this has made me project directly into emotional existentialism. also i fucking love the velvet underground.

gorgeous details, perfect turns of phrase that are so precise and ringing with humour. heavy with longing and nostalgia, a sense of time lost, change, uncertainty. this story is a goddamn piece of art.

de bono coniguali by ineptshieldmaid - @ineptshieldmaid on tumblr

rating: M

pairing: aziraphale/crowley

summary: ‘Nonsense,’ Aziraphale says, briskly, ‘Monogamy has nothing to do with it. We committed sodomy twice last Sunday.’ Crowley goes to speak, but Aziraphale is nothing if not skilled in rhetoric, and he holds up a hand, ‘which, of course, does not invalidate the sacrament; it’s rather like baptism, it can’t be reversed, but it can be defiled, and I think all authorities would agree that vigorous sodomy on Sundays defiles the sacrament of marriage.’

notes: there is a fascinating concept being explored, here, in the interpretation of religious doctrine, and about how to exist as a queer person while also being a member of a faith community. it digs into ideas of sanctity and absolution beyond the usual handwavey explanations of “goodness” and looks more deeply at what religion means, culturally, for the people who might have difficulty reconciling these different aspects of their identity.

it’s a really brilliantly-written thing. there is such an enjoyable precision to the ideas being shared through aziraphale and crowley’s conversation about religious doctrine and its application. there’s so much rich historical detail here, a neat, precise pacing of dialogue, and is full of smart, witty and interesting asides. this is a story in which the two have a very clear dynamic as established partners and lovers – their conversational back-and-forth is easy at times, and at others has to be carefully extricated, but always in a way that you can feel the years of connection there.

  fandom: the goldfinch

 A Grand Inquisition: Being an Investigation and Evaluation of Certain Things Done and Undone, Said and Unsaid, Over the Course of Many Years (or Perhaps Merely in Dreams) by m_leigh - @morgan-leigh on tumblr

rating: T

pairing: boris/theo

summary: what r u doing for Christmas this yr? Come hang with me again I have nothing going on but big as fuck bottle of vodka with as you people are saying, your name on it.

notes: this is how we wish the book had ended. reading this just absolutely floored me. the complexity of sentiments in this, the span of time and the emotions caught in it, the poetry! the boris-voice is spot on – dark, messy and crooked, while also having this kind of gamely, optimistic attitude, never lingering too long on what can’t be changed. fantastic characterisation. 

the details in the landscape and scenery around within this story were also stunning - all these different places, antwerp, amsterdam, berlin, vegas. just absolutely wonderful. economic and evocative all at once. read it and then read it again.

  the ledge by fluorescentgrey – @yeats-infection on tumblr

rating: M

pairing: boris/theo

summary: In the hotel elevator, he stared at himself in the endless mirror. Thin man (Bob Dylan chords) in black coat, with little white dog. His nose was red from coke. Eyes red from maybe something else.

notes: is it weird to cry because you love someone’s words so much? this story is like a peeling-off of layers of skin to get at all the grimy, glistening rawness of feeling underneath. reading this kind of hurts, because it focuses in on this relentless, wild careen into self-destruction, but it's more than just the subject matter that had me repeatedly covering my face and muttering ohmygod. it's the shape of this whole story, the form of it brought together exquisite writing which is unconscionably good.

every sentence flows into the next one with such precision and depth of meaning, making each next thing more compelling and subtly significant because of what came before. it's impossible to pick anything out, it feels like pulling a thread and the whole thing unravels, because everything is so closely-connected, so elaborately woven. there is an effortlessness to the detail in this, in the way we dip and weave through these seething, living landscapes, elevated by observations full of poetry and feeling.

this goes without saying probably, but please read everything fluorescentgrey writes.

  fandom: inception

 pants on fire by helenish

rating: E

pairing: arthur/eames

summary: "Ah," Yusuf says, lifting a reproving hand, "are we calling less than 24 hours of memory loss amnesia now?"

notes: finding new stories to read in throwback fandoms is such a joy. this one is absolutely outstanding. arthur and eames both find themselves experiencing bouts of amnesia, and the concept is used as a tool to explore how their relationship appears to each other without baggage or bias in such a brilliantly-executed way. 

the character exploration here is incredible, breaking open the layers of complexity of arthur and eames’ feelings and desires with such deftness. the dialogue is also marvellous, so engaging, witty and heartbreaking in turn. just an incredibly-executed, extremely compelling story. 

  breaking and entering by resonant

rating: E

pairing: arthur/eames

summary: Eames is very good at pretending.

notes: if you’re going to rewatch the film, do yourself a favour and read this afterwards. there is such fantastic detail here, and such a strength of character development, the pacing feels wonderfully measured, the story so full of life.

this is the kind of story where the author has such an enviable talent for richly-detailed, well-researched background information. the jobs they’re running, the locations they end up in, and the smaller details too – the items in a room, the clothes they wear. the world that’s built around them is tangible, and the emotion it’s infused with is too.

part of this focuses on the idea that eames being the forger/pretender archetype means he has this kind of detached observation of the disparate elements of what he’s feeling, his default mode always set to pretending and going through the motions of something without understanding the truth of it, and although it was perfectly in-character for him, it also felt like an extremely universal and human way of fumbling into relationships, which made it very moving, and a wonderful thing to read.

  fandom: harry potter

 grounds for divorce by tepre – @tepre on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: harry/draco

summary: Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter. A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt.

notes: jesus christ this story. the detail and care with which the world is coloured-in here is just incredible. the added lore, the historical detail, the characterisation of people in the background, the thought behind the practical aspects of things like the curses and spells, the modes of travel, the administrative set-up of ministry departments, the daily grind of work, the science of potion-making, everything is so thought-through, whether it's a deeply important and relevant part to the story, or a passing detail in the background it all serves to make this thing such a rich, unique, fully lived-in world that expands out to the edges and even further, like there's even more beyond just the bounds of what this story shows us. 

this story takes us on a journey. i forget how good a good bit of angst can be, but this story reminds me of how enjoyable it can be to give yourself up to an author's hands, and let them take you somewhere dark and painful, let them unpick the misery, the hurt, the fear, the trauma, and lead you out into the light, into healing and resolution.

this story felt so starkly real, a deeper and more honest look at harry and the life he’s experienced than any bullshit nineteen years later epilogue ever did.

  the weather inside by earlybloomingparentheses - @ebp-brain on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: remus/sirius

summary: Sirius rides a flying motorbike, and snogs strangers in pubs, and strikes moody poses Remus finds irritatingly attractive. But for Remus, who drinks milky tea and wears flannel pyjamas, there's a chasm cracked right down the fault line between wanting and doing. How he wants, though. How he wants.

notes: a vividly intelligent, compelling looks at remus' desires and fantasies, at the way he navigates his own understanding of what being a werewolf means, and how it shapes him. the queer themes here are starkly present, the weight and baggage of desire, the complexity of sexuality. 

sharply melancholic at times, this is also a really lovely, deeply emotional look at the stumbling, difficult way remus and sirius eventually find a path to each other. it’s ultimately optimistic in its portrayal of love and desire, and the feeling that you can be understood, can be known, can be found. just beautiful, a real hard-hitter.

  fandom: IT

 how much more than enough for both of us by pineapplecrushface - @pineapplecrushface on tumblr

rating: E

pairing: richie/eddie

summary: Richie has tried very, very hard to get laid over the last twenty years, but something has always gotten in the way.

notes: your guess is honestly as good as mine as to how i ended up in this fandom, but here we are, and there are some truly wonderful stories to enjoy. this one is beautifully-written – the longing, the aching, the sadness, i could feel it in my bones. deals with the concept of forgetting, and supernatural horror aside, there's something really simple and human about this mortifying ordeal of going for person after person and fucking it up each time and sabotaging yourself in the search for love. well-written, lovely, simple, tender.

also you should really read everything by @pineapplecrushface - both their work in IT fandom and good omens is stunning.

  things that happen after eddie lives by ifithollers 

rating: E

pairing: richie/eddie

summary: in a world where Richie manages to save Eddie from It after the deadlights, they still have problems on their to-do list. Featuring everything from Derry to Los Angeles—Richie Tozier's murder trial, Eddie Kaspbrak's divorce proceedings, bedsharing of the platonic and non-platonic varieties, an investigation of magic, a truly disgusting séance, the quintessential morosexual road trip, and OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES.

notes: this is top-tier, next-level, Good Shit. a real satisfying slow burn full of incredible, nuanced character stuff, high-stakes drama, trial & error, with a real, tangible move towards understanding, and maybe healing. plotty, narratively compelling, manages to balance real-world, atmospherically humdrum details with some viscerally brilliant and strange supernatural elements.

also a masterclass in exploring self-loathing, trauma, and sexuality in a way that is necessarily uncomfortable, and fascinating and cathartic. the razor-fine line of being paralysed into inaction by wrecking-ball levels of want was powerfully compelling to read both as a look at a particular kind of queer-baggaged desire, and also as an exploration of who these characters are.

full of smart, brilliant banter and dialogue, i am always overwhelmingly grateful to authors who have the talent and fortitude to tackle a novel of a fic, to give us this much wonderful, quality entertainment absolutely for free. what a gift.

  the kids table by stitchy – @stitchyarts on tumblr

rating: T

pairing: richie/eddie

summary: For the most part Richie and his sister have a doctrine of mutually assured destruction. They could obliterate each other with their parents given the slightest provocation. To keep things at an even keel, they steer clear of each other as much as possible every other day of the year, but on Thanksgiving? Kids Table is like their NATO.

notes: an observation of how things change within families as time goes on - people die, people get married, people get divorced, the family dynamic changes, and there's always a really painful process of trying not to get left behind, trying to change with it, but also trying to hold on.

i’m recommending this one, but honestly, do yourselves a favour and read everything stitchy has written for this fandom. this one particularly stood out to me because i’m an absolute sucker for sibling fic, especially when it’s written like this; emotional, witty, astutely-observed, resonant.

the core of the sibling relationship between richie and his sister here is a joy to read. this is a lovely, humorous and emotional story told in a series of thanksgivings, filled with keenly-observed, vivid, details, and written in a really sharp, concise style that cuts clearly to the truth of a feeling. absolutely wonderful.

---

okay! that took forever. i hope someone finds something in there to enjoy they maybe haven’t read yet. and if you’ve got your own fic rec posts, please link me!

quick links to more recs:

good omens

harry potter

it

the goldfinch

hannibal

all other fandoms

[ineffable-bookworm]

Good Omens Fic Recs: Pre-TV Classics Masterlist

The Good Omens fandom has been around for 30 years. While it was quite small, many of the fanfics it generated were of remarkably high quality. With all the new fics being written since the show came out, I thought I’d take a moment to write about my favourite pre-tv show fics, because I’ve been waiting for chance to do this, and I think theses fics and their authors deserve some more recognition

Ordinary People by Daegaer

Human AU. Lonely, repressed Ezra hires Tony to repaint his bookshop.

I love this one SO MUCH!!! This fic is always the first one I think of when asked for a favourite (followed by The Walls, the Wainscot and the Mouse).

I read this fic every couple of years, and I relate to Ezra more than I care to admit. His defensive, procrasctinating, and self-sabotaging thought processes, and the fact that he’s already thinking of ways to say no to a shot at happiness because he can’t stand the thought of being rejected, all of this just hit a nerve with me because I’ve done the exact same thing. So many times. Ezra is so like me it’s painful.

Fave quote: “Take a chance, Ezra. It might make you happy” (This line gives me life! I swear, I fall in love with Tony every time I read this bit)

This is a human AU fic, so if you’re not into that, may I recommend that you read ...

Anything but Ordinary (Ordinary People Remix) by Cimorene

This Ordinary People but without the human AU

Written from Crowley’s POV. After the Armageddidn’t, Crowley is spending so much time in Aziraphale’s bookshop, people mistake for being one of the owners. Annoyed, Crowley thinks that if people are going to think this, then the bookshop needs a new paint job to suit his style.

A Better Place and The Walls, Wainscot and the Mouse by @irisbleufic

Domestic fluff fics about Crowley and Aziraphale new life sharing a cottage on the South Downs (I will be eternally grateful to irisbleufic for asking this question and to Neil Gaiman for giving this answer)

Now part of the massive 200,000+ word Crown of Thorns ‘verse, I read these two fics when they were still stand-alone stories and absolutely love the domestic fluff. I read these fics whenever I want to slow down and feel warm and fuzzy. I’ve also read a bit of the CoT verse, which is a bit darker than the two chapters i just recced (I’ll always prefer fluff over angst). However, all of irisbleufic’s other works are beautifully written and extremely thoughtful, so I’m definitely going back for a second attempt!

Other fics by the same author that I highly recommend are Regulars (how other people see Crowley and Az) and Creature Comforts (from the CoT ‘verse, contains my absolute favourite headcanon, beachcomber!crowley)

Be Ye Therefore Merciful by AmberDiceless

Crowley saves Aziraphale from being shot in the Middle East. However, the bullets are laced with Holy Water, so Aziraphale faces down Death himself so keep him from taking Crowley

Written all the way back in 2005, it’s kind of hilarious that it predicted tv!crowley’s tendency to save tv!aziraphale. Can be read as platonic or pre-relationship

I love this fic for Aziraphale’s characterisation. book!Az is as polite as tv!Az, but he is by no means a fool and can be quietly stubborn, and downright rebellious when he needs to be. This fic really shows off this side of his character nicely

A Precise and Accurate History of Monday, 11 years Later by Giddy Geek

A straight-up sequel to the book that mimics Pratchett/Gaiman’s style very well. Az and Crowley move to America to take a break after the Apocalypse, and slowly let themselves fall in love. When they return to Lower Tadfield to visit their godson 11 years later, they learn what free will is all about

I think I have a thing for pining and unresolved romantic tension tropes. Again it’s the last act of the fic that I love the most. The tension between Az and Crowley, as well as Az’s uncertainty about their relationship after certain revelations are made is heartbreaking and beautifully written

Manchester Lost by moczo (aka Aisene on ao3)

This fic is funny! Basically a sequel to the book, with Hell deciding to have another go at the Apocalypse

Gabriel, Michael, Uriel, and Raphael are main characters, with Raphael being Aziraphale’s adoptive father. It’s because of this fic that I’m not that into the Raphael!crowley headcanons that have popped up of late. It’s a great theory and really fun to read the meta about, but Aziraphale and Raphael’s relationship in this fic is so cute that I’m rather attached to it

Bear in mind that this fic was written in 2009, when Glee was huge and Don’t Stop Believing was making a comeback. I’m currently re-reading this fic, and while it’s still funny, the pop-cultural references are a bit out-of-date. Gabriel, Michael and Uriel are also completely different characters to what they are on the show

All in all, it’s a funny, light little fic that doesn’t take itself seriously and is a great antidote to anyone who has decided to read The Sacred and the Profane (trigger warning on TSatP, it is a dark!fic and there is no happy ending. It’s basically Good Omens’ equivalent of Grave of Fireflies)

Falling Rain by aria

Aziraphale and Crowley survive the Great Flood by hiding out on Noah’s Ark. Pre-Arrangement, this fic is written more from Crowley’s POV and explores his confusion as to why this silly little angel hasn’t killed him yet

One of the first fics I ever read, when the Noah’s Ark scene popped up in the the tv show, I yelled out “I’ve read that fic!”

Everything That Rises Must Converge by aja

Cute little fic (it’s only 1389 words) about Az and Crowley trying to sit on fences and meeting in the middle

To be honest, the only reason I’m reccing this fic is for the absolutely inspired joke about the rabbi in the footnotes

Traditions by UseTheForceEm (NSFW)

SMUT WARNING (but boy is it good smut)

Crowley gets drunk after Hell gives him a birthday as reward for the Spanish Inquisition. One thing leads to another and he and Aziraphale have sex. They then decide to make this a yearly birthday tradition.

How is it possible for two characters to have so much sexual tension while actually having sex? Is there such a thing as URT (Unresolved Romantic Tension)? This fic answers those questions.

Why do I love this fic? Because it’s hot 😂 While most of the smut is in the first chapter, it’s the epilogue in the 2nd chapter that I re-read the most. The tension between the two is almost painful, and it’s fascinating to watch them dance around each other.

The Internal Rhyme Series by Quantum_Witch and Vulgarweed, art by Quantum_ Witch (NSFW)

This series follows Az and Crowley throughout history. UST and smut ensues

Amid the Sacred Wreck is set during 794 AD. Crowley is masquerading as a Viking who raids a monastery where Aziraphale is monk (NSFW)

Breathless Mouths May Summon is set during the Crusades. Insanely hot smut happens in the second chapter. Contains the, frankly, amazing line “Ride me as if all the spirits of the Underworld were behind you,” (obviously NSFW)

The Phoenix and the Turtle (A Metaphysical Romance) is set during Elizabethan times. I actually can’t remember what happens in this part but thought I’d add it for the sake of completion

Living Arrangements by Afrai (who also wrote The Sacred and the Profane)

Heaven turns Aziraphale into a human as punishment for preventing Armegeddon. It isn’t until the end that Crowley realises that he was punished as well

This fic is one of Afrai’s lesser known works. Personally, I prefer this one to TSatP. It had me sobbing at the end in a way TSatP never did

[sometimeinjoon]

Smiles

3.5k

Min Yoongi. Perpetual frowner. Scoffer.

Also the guy you’ve tried your sunny advances on, to no avail.

“Now, _____,” the instructor points at you from across the room. He’s half seated his butt on the teacher’s desk. “Tell us what you would say to the man that needed an ark in the story?”

Against better judgment, you answer without delay. “I Noah guy.”

And the Min Yoongi. The perpetual frowner. The scoffer.

Laughs.

He cracks a smile for a split second before he bursts out into a fit. An entire fit! Soon he’s got his eyes closed, leaning back on his chair, hands on his stomach like some major comedian just gave him the literal best he’s got.

And instead of getting angry and/or annoyed at the scene in front of him, the instructor starts laughing too. Giggling, mostly. But he’s also apparently surprised that the entire class is cricket silent spare the only guy that never laughs at his jokes despite his immediate need for recitation grades, let alone anyone else’s.

Yoongi recovers and you prepared to count the seconds before his face goes back to blank, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t! Yoongi looks at you with a thin lipped smile the entire time you spoke out your actual answer to the literary prof’s question. It made your heart soar, yes, but it was also unnerving. You’ve tried everything for him to notice you, to acknowledge you, and he’s never. What makes this time so special? It couldn’t be the pun, even though it obviously had to be. It was terrible!

You take it though. You take whatever sliver of attention thrown your way, like a deranged dog turning around and chasing after a stick his owner pretended to throw. You engrave this moment into your brain, planning to cherish it forever. Despite your huge crush on him, all the times you’ve tried to approach him had been shut down. Your mind was made that Yoongi just was not the one for you, but you’re young and you’re in no rush. Little moments that make you feel giddy, like when he accidentally brushes your shoulder and when he looks in your general direction are enough for you. So instead of moving on to liking someone that you actually had a shot with, you pine after Yoongi like a maniac.

An extremely tingly maniac, since you can feel Yoongi’s eyes at the back of your head. He’s a row behind you but a couple of seats away, so he doesn’t escape your peripheral when you angle your head to the right, slightly, pretending to be listening to the instructor. Maybe it was only your delusion and that he’s not actually looking at you, but you’re more than satisfied with yourself like that.

Next after literature came gym, and you curse whatever commission mandated sports to be part of your general education subjects in university. Though, there’s a really cute guy that spikes really well during volleyball and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he liked you. What was his name, Jungkook? He keeps looking at you after he scores, as if looking for affirmation. Like he’s saying “did you see that? Yes. I did that. I’m good at volleyball.”

You’re starting to actively wait for him to glance at you every once in a while. He’s actually looking past you, but he’s too absorbed at whoever he was actually looking at to notice you returning his looks. With you in the sidelines and him in the court and all the unintentional, weird eye flirting going on, you’re extremely surprised to find Yoongi’s chest suddenly coming in between your lines of vision. He’s just trotted on in front of you, hands in his pockets.

“I didn’t think you were a fan of volleyball?” he asks, hunched down towards you so you could hear him over the noise.

“I’m not. Just spectating.”

“Ah, I see,” he says, sitting down beside you. Your cheeks burn almost instantly, your hands building up a sweat.

“So what are you a fan of?” he asks, setting his elbows on his knees, hands together looking out onto the players on the court. He’s facing you a bit with his body and you’re sure you’re about to faint.

“Basketball, I guess, since I know how play works,” you lie. You only said that cause you knew Yoongi was into it.

Yoongi grins at your answer, dropping his eyes to his hands. “Funny, I’ve never seen you during games?”

You want to protest at what he’s said, but you realize you couldn’t without sounding like a complete idiot. What were you going to say? That you watched every single one this season except you’ve tried to hide yourself from Yoongi, because instead of the games, you’re looking at him? Of course not.

“Hey, I’m just joking,” he consoles you when you take a little too long to answer. He bumps his shoulder into yours and ohmygod I’m literally about to piss myself.

That was the beginning of something. You weren’t sure what to call it, but it was definitely something. He’s still cold and smug, but he’s also indirectly nicer. To only you, you’ve noted. He’s switched seats with the guy behind you in literature and now you’re not sure of how you’re supposed to move when in class. He walks out the room with you on the way to your next class and you talk. He gives you his spare snack bars before any activities begin. He also picks you on his team during gym. Sure, you’re never first pick, but you’re a good third. That’s good enough.

Good enough is what you keep telling yourself. That you don’t need any more than whatever this was.  Random hellos in the halls and small smiles. It was enough. That you and Yoongi will never be together, but this, being his friend, was enough.

“Was my pun really that funny?” you ask him the first time you have lunch together on a whim.

“What?”

“We became friends after you laughed at me in class.”

“Oh, you kept track?”

You wanted to take what you’ve said back before Yoongi wipes away any embarrassment that was about to build in your system. He tells you he’s just kidding and that he’s just always wanted to be friends with you. That he’s not sure about how to initiate things, so he took that as gateway interaction.

You think to yourself that he’s literally an idiot. That you’ve tried to initiate at least a friendship about 70 times, and each and every single time, he seems unhappy to be around you.

But that’s okay. All those times he’s turned you down have led up to this glorious moment of actually having him in your contacts list, having him as an option to call on random food trips at night even though you would never. Of actually having him smile at you when your eyes meet. Of actually having him here, in this McDonald’s in campus eating a burger as you wait out the rain.

The pun, though, the ”gateway interaction”, it wasn’t funny. In fact, it took everything in Yoongi to laugh as much as he did. He was at such a high risk for sounding phony that he just tried the hardest he could to fake it until he made it. He swore he almost popped a vein that day, but it was worth it. He was unsure of how to approach you, given that when he realized he wanted to, you’ve stopped trying to get around him which made things about ten times more difficult.

He was ecstatic about your unofficial date today, when he’s caught you waiting in a shed for the rain to stop before asking you if you wanted to make a run for it to McDonald’s. He’s trying to keep his composure around you, trying not to fidget too much, not trying to chew too loud. But you kept coaxing him to talk and to talk and to talk that he’s now just caught himself talking with his mouth fucking full for the third time so far.

God, when your lips are a little bitten by the cold like that as you eat your McFlurry, he wants to kiss you. He’s not listening to what you’re saying anymore, just nodding and smiling with his teeth out. That’s how whipped he is.

But the rain stops, and so does his train of thought when “get going” leaves your lips.

“I’m sorry I—“ he tries to apologize for zoning out.

“Need to get going, yes. Namjoon’s going to skin you!” You say, already pushing yourself out of your seat. The literary reading, how could Yoongi forget. He volunteered at the theater so he could stare at you dreamily while you yelled at idiotic freshmen that made out under the stage. He’s also promised Namjoon he’ll critic his acting for the play.

Right now, Yoongi’s not sure why, but he’s sweating. Profusely. He’s already mapped it out in his head, take something that’s yours, and then run after you to return it so he could ask you if you want to go to dinner randomly tonight. Like a passive-aggressive way to ask someone out on a date.

He’s already got a pen and a hair tie in his pocket, but he’s all over the place. He can’t use these?  What would make a pen so important that he’d have to go to you at eight o’clock at night just to return it? He sets the pen back down on the table. The hair tie, he’s decided to keep it for himself. You had about fifty, and he wants a remembrance.

Now he’s freaking because you’re about to go back into the locker room to get your things and leave, and he’s still scavenging around your belongings you’ve left messy on the table looking for that one thing. He already hears you laughing outside. He has to decide right now, this instant, what does he— oh, that’ll do.

It will definitely do. In fact, it’s so important to you it’s going to have him change 90% of his plans he’s so carefully pieced together tonight. He slaps his hand onto the screen of your phone to try and hide it from view as you swing the door open, and it works. You completely overlook it as you gathered the litter of things on the table, bid him goodbye and left. Now he’s in a real shit of a situation, because, how will he run your phone after you tonight?

The sensible answer would have been to run it after you right now, but he’s in a panic and his mind was set to this evening, where he was supposed to text you that you forgot something and if you could meet up by the fountain to get it from him. With his plans being thwarted too early, he’s still fixed on tonight, on 8 PM tonight. How was he supposed to text you now that he had your phone?

How was he supposed to text at all now that he doesn’t have his phone?

It’s gone! It’s not in his bag where the thought he’d left it, where could it have gone?

Oh, silly, it’s probably with you. You probably took it instead of yours by accident.

Now Yoongi really starts to sweat. You’re going to see that you’re his lockscreen. And that’s not so bad, except he’s also edited little emoji hearts on it. He thinks about just texting his number and say that you’re going to have to meet because you switched phones, but you’re going to see that he’s saved your contact under ”Wifey” with a ring emoji and three hearts.

Little did he know you’re in a panic too, wondering where your phone went and which stage member accidentally took it. If a stage member took it, actually, or if it had been stolen somewhere else.

You run into Jungkook at KFC on your way to your dorm and he notices you’re distraught.

“Everything alright?” he smiles.

You try to smile back. “Yeah, I guess.”

Jungkook hesitates for a second before asking you if you were going to head home alone. You nod your head yes and before you really notice what’s going on, you’ve already agreed to him walking you home. He also mentions his boyfriend’s apartment being a floor up, so it was really a practical thing to just walk together.

Yoongi unknowingly walks by your apartment while he was strolling around the building to calm his nerves and at the far end of the hallway, he sees Jungkook drop you off. He waits for him to kiss you, to absolutely obliterate him, but he doesn’t. He sees you close the door to your apartment and then Jungkook just leaves.

Yoongi’s stuck in his spot for a good while before he comes back to his senses. He debates on doing what he was thinking of doing, but he does it anyway. He’s sure he’s not supposed to and he’s going to seem extremely entitled to you after this but he’s so overcome with anger—jealousy, really, and trudges on to your apartment door.

Knock knock knock.

Who could that be? It’s like, 8 at night.

You swing the door open. “Oh, Yoongi, what brings you—“

In one swift motion he holds your cheek and pulls you in for a kiss. A soft kiss. It takes you both a second before you fully start kissing, moving your lips in sync. His other hand makes it around your waist and pulls you closer, kissing you a little harder, a little faster.

You shove at his chest lightly to tell him to pull away. You didn’t intend to break the kiss, but Yoongi’s taken a much deeper breath before the kiss compared to you and you were going to suffocate if you don’t get a breather.

Then Yoongi leaves. Leaves. His eyes widen and before you could smile at him and he mouths a quick sorry before running off. Literally running off. Into the hallway, disappearing at a turn. He’s so shocked at what he’s done and he didn’t know how he was supposed to recollect himself and actually explain what the fuck he’s just done, so he just left. He’s worried that he might have got in between something between you and Jungkook and he’s angry at himself now, angry at his impulsiveness. Angry that he thought that you could have been something. Angry that he wants you to be something, but he has no idea how to approach this whole thing. He decides he wouldn’t. That he won’t bother talking to you again after the sheer embarrassment he’s just drowned himself in. It was good while whatever you had lasted anyway.

Three days later, at theater, Yoongi finally shows up. He’s moved his seat to the back end of the room during literature and he doesn’t even show up during gym. You were seeking him out but wasn’t sure where to look, and without your old phone, you wouldn’t really have a shot at finding him since you didn’t have his number. You’ve borrowed your best friend’s old Samsung and it was tying you over well, but that meant not having half of the people you had on your contacts. Jungkook regularly walks you home now and Yoongi’s been creeping around waiting for him to do so every day. He’s still waiting for a hug, or a kiss, just to rub in his emotions.

You see him talking to Namjoon at the side of the stage and as soon as you said your lines, you ran to them.

“_____, hi,” Namjoon smiles. You see Yoongi turn away from you.

“Hey Joon, sorry, can I just—,” you squeeze yourself in between them, “give this fucker what he deserves thanks,” and then you yank Yoongi by his jacket and kiss him. His eyes grow wide and then they flutter shut eventually, kissing you back. You intended on a one-kiss thing, not a full make out, but Yoongi apparently had something else in mind.

“Ah, so things worked out,” Namjoon steps back and puts both his hands up. After a second of you two still not parting, Namjoon jingles his keys by your ears, face full of disgust.

“Take my office, but for the love of god don’t nut on my desk. You’ll ruin the wood stain.”

Yoongi smirks and takes the keys. Leading you inside, he yells “no promises” to the man that graciously gave you his office as fuck space. What a dipshit, you love him already.

“Listen,” Yoongi starts, leaning against the door as you settled yourself on the edge of the aforementioned desk Namjoon did not want any jizz on. “I’m not in here to fuck, alright?”

“Wasn’t hoping on it, really,” you cross your arms over your chest. “All I’m interested in is knowing why you just ran away that one night and have been trying to actively avoid me, asshole.”

“I didn’t know what to say,” he scratches the back of his head.

“I like you, maybe? Or you don’t and just needed something to do?”

“Fuck no, I fucking like you. Like like like you. I was so jealous of Jungkook and—“

“Oh, of course you were.”

“I fucking was! I still fucking am! I had this whole thing fucking planned, took your phone, would give it back to you and maybe have some dinner, may have even kissed you before I left, but who do I see taking you home? Shit, I know I fucked up cause you ended up with my phone, but sheesh,”

He tries to mentally prepare himself for you breaking it to him, that you and Jungkook are getting along well and are on your way into else things past friendship, but he knows it’s a crapshoot and whatever prep he does, it won’t prepare him for his heart officially tearing into two. He hasn’t liked anyone as much as he likes you.

“You fucktard,” you smile and walk over to him, reaching for his hands that were fidgeting with each other. “You fucking idiot, you took my fucking phone? So the one I have, with me as the wallpaper, was yours?” you smile wider and give him a peck. “And Jungkook, baby, he has a boyfriend.”

“He does?”

“No I’m just kidding. We’re together.”

Yoongi’s heart snaps, but you pick the pieces right back up and laugh.

“Would I really be locked in this room with you if I had someone else?” You ask. He shakes his head. Without his worried expression changing, Yoongi pulls you in and kisses you again, slower than the last time he did. His hands were placed firmly on the lower part of your hips and he’s almost moaning as you pull at his shirt. You place both of your hands on his cheeks and lick at his lips, asking for permission and he gives it to you. Your tongues meet and at first it was shy, subtle, small licks in between kisses. Yoongi’s flushed, cheeks pink and he’s starting to sweat a little bit, but he loves it, he loves the adrenaline that’s building in his stomach. He grabs your ass after he begins to lose control but he doesn’t intend on taking things any further. Not yet. Not here. He wants a bed for that. Maybe some candles and some roses. Maybe after some dinner he’s going to cook. He’s not sure.

“Settle down,” you whisper against his lips when he starts to heavily massage your cheek.

“Sorry, I’m— they were right there, you know? Big and ready for the taking.”

“You didn’t even ask permission,” you frown. He immediately lets go of your butt and his mouth gapes open but you just kiss him again, smiling.

“_____, may I please grab your ass as we make out?” he asks, smiling, staring at your lips that he’s already turned so red.

You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Be my guest.” His hand finds your ass immediately. Both cheeks this time.

“Oh, and,” he says before your lips could touch again. “Will you be my girlfriend too? Is that appropriate to ask in this situation? I swear it’s not just cause we’re making out and I’m getting infatuated, I’ve been sure I liked you for a while now. I promise, I’ll take you out and shit and—“

You kiss him, softly, on the cheek to cut him off. “Yes.”

And at that moment, Min Yoongi. Perpetual frowner. Scoffer.

Smiles.

[thanksjro]

Eugenesis Part Two, Scene Six: A Very Large Friend Wakes Up From His Nap

The Autobots are getting slaughtered. Ultra Magnus makes the call for Metroplex to be woken up.

See, Springer’s a classy addict- he only gets high on the name-brand stuff.

Back on Cybertron, Nightbeat’s just as appalled as I am that High Command wants him to bring back Optimus Prime. Prowl’s made this choice because he doesn’t think he has the metaphorical balls to lead in this large of an impending crisis, and that’s not me trying to be funny about it.

You’ve had this job for an hour and you’ve already given up. Have a little self respect, Prowl.

So, here’s the plan: Nightbeat goes back in time to when the Ark was buried under Mt. Hilary on Earth, grabs Optimus, has him lead the cause for a bit, then hits him over the head with a shovel and stuffs him back into the proper time and place once they’re done with him, that way the fabric of reality- which at this point is more of a fishing net with how many holes it’s got punched through it- doesn’t tear. Sounds simple, right?

But Nightbeat brings up a good point:

Optimus needs better friends.

This is where Perceptor brings out the memory-wipe device, which they’re planning to use on Optimus once this whole thing is over. This is an integral part of the plan. Wiping their leader’s memory with an experimental device. Has it been tested? Is this a cruelty-free mind-wiper? We just don’t know.

Nightbeat brings up some very good points, both within the story, and in reference to the meta here. He’s very genre-savvy like that. He isn’t on-board with this at all, especially because with how dangerous things are about to get. Perceptor spits out some science to try and ease his mind, but Nightbeat is having none of it. Prowl attempts to appeal to his more empathetic nature.

You read that right. Prowl.

"Yeah, he’d want to live, but fuck his personal agency in any of this!”

                                                          -Prowl Transformers, Eugenesis

They eventually get Nightbeat to agree to the plan, if only to move the plot along. He pulls together a team, and they’ll be heading for the Acid Wastes to use the time-travel rift very soon.

Meanwhile, on the Quintesson warship, Lord Xenon is taking a gander at the teleport, specifically the bodies of a couple of folks who just got back via said teleport and the armor they were wearing to keep from getting torn apart by the process.

I hope that womb-juice is pulp-free. This is just planting the seed, we’ll get back to this plot point later, I suppose.

Back on the ground, Mindwipe’s busy with waking up the big guy, plugging in all the codes and passwords needed to get things rolling.

Mindwipe, sweetie, you’re doing amazing.

Everything’s going to hell- the Autobots are losing ground rapidly, the ground won’t stop quaking, the lower levels of the city are flooding, and there’s still another two-and-a-half minutes to go before Metroplex is up.

He finishes plugging in the codes and BAMFs on out of there, alongside every single other citizen of Autobot City. You don’t want to stick around when the big boy wakes up to kick some tail, it would seem.

Roberts, stop trying to make me want to fuck a city; it isn’t gonna happen, regardless of how good a tan it has.

Metroplex wakes up, pissed. The city explodes, repeatedly, all over, and standing in its wake is the giantest of giant robots.

And General Rodern couldn’t be more pleased.

---

Brief aside, while we’re on this topic:

The Titans are a weird part of the lore for me. They’re sentient, living beings, with the same level of intelligence and individuality as all the other Transformers… and yet they never seem to have any agency. Others are always telling them how to live, how to exist, what they’ll do and how they’ll look. Not just short-term, either- Autobot City’s been established for at least a year in this story. What would the Autobots- hell, what would anyone- do if a Titan just said “no thanks, I’m good”? It’s not like they could really stop them.

I’ve yet to see any of the Transformers media touch on this as a concept. Maybe I’ve missed something, but an entire city just going rogue seems like it’d be a fun story. You could get some mileage out of exploring the moral issues with locking a sentient being within their own body for years while tinier people live inside them. Talk about body horror.

Okay, aside over!

---

Rodern orders for the transformation to begin- what exactly this means hasn’t been established, but I imagine it’s going to be something positively wild. Outside, the troops start dive bombing Metroplex.

That’s friggin’ poetry right there.

Rodern fires everything he’s got at Metroplex, who reacts as if he’s been swarmed by bees. Metroplex, of course, retaliates, and nearly rips the plating off the warship. Rodern tells them to keep going. Rodern may not fully understand just what he’s up against.

While this is going on, we take a look inward, into the depths of Metroplex, to find Wheeljack passed out in his lab. He wakes up to find Centurion and Mainframe hard at work to get the space bridge up and running.

Back outside, the Enslaver transforms into a giant cannon, still floating in the air. It fires and takes Metroplex’s arm off. Good for the Quintessons. Now they just have to not die while the damn thing recharges for nearly a minute.

Wheeljack’s joined in on the space bridge work, and getting generally furious that things aren’t working out perfectly. The bridge eventually gets its act together and shows us a spot on Cybertron. The intent here is to get Prowl’s attention by way of the power surge this whole thing is going to cause, so he can send reinforcements. That’s Wheeljack’s whole plan. Sure hope Prowl isn’t too distracted to notice.

Hey, cannon’s recharged! They shoot Metroplex in the gut. He definitely feels that one. Rodern may actually fully understand just what he’s up against after all. 

Wheeljack instructs Metroplex to head for the space bridge. The moment the Titan’s foot touches the portal, another shot is fired and Metroplex snaps in two, his upper half landing on Cybertron. The space bridge cuts off. Metroplex is frickin’ dead. Wheeljack, you plan sucks.

Add him to the tally, I suppose. That’s three characters who have died on-screen, so to speak. Man, now I feel bad. Poor Metroplex.

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 2x12 Rubicon

This is a pivotal episode of season 2, in some ways the show as a whole, because it marks the beginning of the gradual destruction of Clarke Griffin’s moral certainty. She has been forced to make tough decisions, but up to this point, she had not crossed the line and done things that felt really morally wrong, such as sacrificing a number of innocent lives. But this show isn’t willing to spare its protagonist and give her easy ways out, and puts her in situations where she is faced with impossibly difficult choices, where she eventually starts doing things that chip away at her soul and make her more and more damaged. This is basically her arc in season 2, in particular. A reference to “crossing the Rubicon”, a fateful decision, feels appropriate: Clarke gets to choose between sticking to her old moral views, and doing everything to save those she cares about, and it’s the same choice she’ll keep on making.

Meanwhile, the Delinquents trapped in Mount Weather make a big decision of their own, to fight back against their captors/killers.

And in the Jaha/Murphy storyline, the B storyline of season 2, which continues separate from the main storyline until season 3, one of my favorite characters is introduced.

Rating: 9.5/10

I’ve always liked Emori. She’s a great example of a good female anti-hero, especially one that eventually gets real character development – something that the show has tried and failed to do with some other characters. It’s also nice to have such a character not be a stereotypical “badass chick with a sword who’s strong because she can fight the best”, but a manipulative, roguish thief (though there have been popular female characters like that in various shows from Star Trek: TNG to Firefly, it’s not so overused, especially recently, as the latter trope is, and Emori has more depth than those characters did). She’s also one of the show’s two major characters with disabilities, but hers was congenital rather than something that happened to her as an adult, as with Raven.  

I love the fact that the show didn’t go with the standard “bad man gets redeemed through the love of a good woman” arc for Murphy, but instead, had him change through love for a not-so-good woman. At first, it seemed it would go the former way, when Emori introduced herself as a damsel in distress and a sweet girl with a sad past, before putting a knife under Murphy’s throat and robbing the party, though she did help them reach their destination by whispering to him that they should go north. Which fits into this show’s tendency to create romance from negative interactions, but in comparison with some others, this one is not so bad.

It makes sense that this is who Murphy would fall for – someone who is a ruthless survivor and an outcast, more than he is. Or rather: Murphy, who likes to think of himself as the ultimate survivor, had a tragic childhood – like many on the Ark – but had an opportunity to be a part of a community with the Delinquents in season 1, and blew that chance – twice - due to his own negativity, tendency to antagonize people, and obsession with holding grudges and revenge. But Emori was an outcast since birth, due to her disability, which made her, in the harsh Grounder culture, a ‘freak’ that needs to be eradicated from the bloodline, as we learned earlier in the season. She’s known no protection or belonging, other to the criminal duo of herself and her brother. This is a difference that will matter in season 5: when she finally was given a chance to be accepted and valued as a part of a group, Emori was glad to accept it and learn, and she didn’t have the same insecurities that Murphy has, which made her more integrated into the group than he is able to be, because his issues are internal.

Murphy is at this point the character who gets the best lines (“Touch me and I’ll end you…In a non-violent way” - “Faith? No. I just got nothing better to do”), but he still has a long way to go until he gets actual redemption, because he’s still trying to justify his actions. (“I killed two people and tried to kill two more… I had my reasons, but nobody cared.” – Yeah, dude, everyone has reasons for what they do. Doesn’t mean they’re good.)

One of the things that struck me about season 2, and particularly in this episode, is the amazing cinematography with different color schemes: the desert scenes with Jaha, Murphy and the rest are full of a bright, blinding yellow, as opposed to the muted blue of the Quarantine and the vents in Mount Weather, while the other scenes have normal color balance and brighter colors.

In Mount Weather, the Mountain Men have started to drill and kill the kids. Cage and Emerson were apparently among the first to get treatments and be able to can walk outside, as did some other soldiers, like Whitman, the guy who performed the bombing of Tondc by navigating the missile and then picking up the survivors with a sniper in the following episode. It makes sense that guys who usually go outside on missions would be the first to get bone marrow treatments, while Cage took be the first or one of the first, and also forced one on his father. Dr. Tsing, unfortunately to herself, didn’t give herself one yet, probably thinking she had time, which had consequences in this same episode.

Bellamy meanwhile continues his mission by deciding to ask help from Dante, and manages to get it, though he wisely didn’t trust Dante enough to tell him who was helping him. He’s managed to get Jasper a gun, which allows Jasper to fight back, shoot a guard and save Monty again from being taken. Jasper has become sort of a leader of the Delinquents in their rebellion, thanks to his courage and determination to protect his friends, especially his best friend. Then other Delinquents start fighting with whatever they can to defend Jasper from being taken, before Bellamy irradiates Level 5, killing the present guards and Tsing. Tsing almost saves herself, by getting into another room, but Jasper stops her  from closing the door and lets her die of burns in front of him. It’s interesting that Jasper, when he shot the guard, looked like he was surprised by himself, even though he’s shot people before (Grounders on the bridge in S1) and that he was technically the one who killed about 300 Grounders with the ring of fire in the season 1 finale, but he hadn’t participated in close range fighting like that before or killed someone he could see. But just a few moments later, he was clearly enjoying his revenge over Tsing, sarcastically repeating her line “I want you to know you’re incredibly special to us”. Which I can’t hold against him, Tsing was terrible and I doubt there was anyone who didn’t enjoy her death.

But the most important parts of the episode are about Clarke. She and Raven are both on the edge, just as in the previous episode, and arguing a lot, waiting for another one of Bellamy’s regular calls. Any time he’s late with calling, they cannot be sure if he is still alive. The Clarke/Bellamy talk starts with a rare funny moment where the two of them sound like a married couple bickering (“You’re late!” – “Are you through?”), but things get serious very quick, as they learn from listening in to the Mountain Men channel both that the Delinquents are being drilled, and that the Mountain Men are about to bomb Tondc, where leaders of all the Grounder clans and Arkers are about to meet.

Clarke lies to Bellamy that Octavia is not in Tondc, in order not to distract him, but Raven later lets it slip in another talk with him that she is - something that will come during their confrontation in 3x05, when Bellamy will accuse her, among other things, of letting a bomb drop on his sister.

Now, the question is, what exactly was going through Clarke’s subconscious when she left to get to Tondc as soon as possible, and then went immediately to talk to Lexa. She certainly thought she should warn everyone and argued it to Lexa, and was shocked when Lexa, apparently cold as ice, started convincing her that they should leave and save themselves without telling anyone. But Lexa managed to convince her quickly by arguing that alerting people would blow Bellamy’s cover in Mount Weather, and ruin the entire mission and lose them the war – and telling her that she must have known that herself deep inside, or else she would have warned people immediately. Clarke seemed struck by the realization that she really must have felt that way – which may be why she later didn’t try to defend herself when Abby called her out on her actions (“You crossed the line”) and took responsibility, when Abby asked her to tell her it was all Lexa’s decision.

While trying to convince the insecure and confused Clarke, Lexa used the phrase “It’s our only choice”, which will pop up a few more times during the show. She also praised Clarke’s “strength”, telling her “You showed real strength today, don’t let emotions stop you now”. But I don’t think that’s really what happened, at all. The decision to let the bomb drop on all these people was a cold, rational one for Lexa, the kind she thought good leaders should make and that would help her win the war (and maybe also help her politically, by killing some other Grounder leaders), but for Clarke, it was all about protecting Bellamy and the Delinquents trapped in Mount Weather. Clarke started off with a strong belief in the value of human lives in general, she cares about everyone, and she tries to save everyone – but it’s hard not to prioritize the lives of people you care about over the lives of stranger. It’s a common, human thing to do– it’s hard to be perfectly impartially ethical, if your loved ones are at risk. And Clarke has been acting extremely worried, impulsive and driven by emotion – it was really obvious. I find it hard to believe that Lexa, who is very perceptive, didn’t notice that, so that line sounded like manipulation. It was as if she was validating Clarke’s choice by telling her it’s a sign she’s strong and a good leader, rather than panicking and struggling to protect her loved ones. And Clarke later makes the same choice when she is about to try to kill Whitman, but then gets distracted by seeing Abby, and gets focused on saving her mother instead, losing her the chance to stop the missile. (But in all the chaos, she forgot about Octavia… oops. Which both Octavia and Bellamy will hold against her. It’s not that Clarke doesn’t care about Octavia, but the fact is that she is not as important to her as Abby or Bellamy are.)

But either way, whether Lexa was manipulative or just imparting her views, and whether Clarke was already subconsciously feeling she would have to make that choice, this is where it became clear that, while Clarke may be able to have good influence in Lexa, Lexa’s influence and her advice certainly doesn’t bring out the best in Clarke. I think that their dynamic was very interesting, and very well-written in season 2, because Lexa was a “Shadow” character for Clarke - at the same time that Clarke found herself in the position of de facto sole leader of her people, and had to make tougher and more ruthless decisions, she met Lexa, the embodiment of darker traits of her character, upped to 11: as a young ruler who came to power as a child, she is both enormously privileged and has had a huge burden of responsibility, which made her isolated and emotionally repressed, and she believes in unquestioned, tyrannical rule, ruthlessness and treating people as expendable, if needed for the “big picture” (because this is what Grounder culture values and what Lexa has been taught to be like). Clarke is not quite like that, but she could be like that, and starts becoming more like it.

The difference is that Clarke is constantly questioning herself and always feels guilty over everything bad she does, while Lexa seems to have convinced herself that her actions are right and necessary and what a good leader should be, so she is not showing any remorse or doubt.

And this is why I knew after this episode that Lexa is never going to be one of my favorite characters. I kind of have a thing against leaders who let bombs drop on their own people when they could have saved them, and think it’s a great opportunity to use casualties for propaganda purposes, asking for revenge -something that Lexa actually argues in her conversation with Clarke. (It also has some unpleasant real world associations for me, which puts me off even more.) But I can forgive characters a lot when they show genuine remorse, so I still love Clarke, who didn’t make her decision in cold blood, and who is obviously deeply tormented and ashamed of what she has done.

The only part of this episode I’m not that keen on – which is why it doesn’t get a perfect 10 – is the resolution of Lincoln’s drug addiction storyline, because it’s a bit too easy and unrealistic. One moment, Lincoln, having relapsed, is again serving the Mountain Man like a Reaper and knocking out a Grounder to bring him to Mount Weather to get more of the “red” drug. The next, it’s enough for Octavia to punch him and basically tell him to man up (“Grounders don’t give up, we fight” – again with the whole “I am a Grounder” thing, which makes no sense) for him to be cured of his addiction? I don’t think that’s how it works.

Background info: Apparently, Mount Weather didn’t have to use missiles that often, because the last time they did it was before Lexa’s birth – over 20 years ago. It’s safe to say that they didn’t feel threatened by any armies the Grounders could have formed during that time.

Timeline: This episode starts 6 hours after the end of 2x11, and 2 days since 2x10 (that is long it’s been since Jaha left the camp, taking 12 people and 12 guns)

Body count: More people died in this episode than in any other one in season 2. (Unless we count off-screen deaths of Arkers from various stations that either died in the crash of the Ark, or were killed, including the deaths of people from the farm station killed by the Ice Nation – but we don’t even learn about the latter until season 3.)

3 Delinquents, killed and drilled for their bone marrow by Dr. Tsing, Cage and other Mountain Men. None of them were characters we knew by name, so the emotional effect was small. 48 Delinquents still survive (45 in Mount Weather + Clarke, Octavia and Murphy);

15 Mountain Men (though Cage said 11) –Tsing and 14 guards – from radiation poisoning on level 5, after Bellamy irradiated it (unless the guard Jasper shot was already dead before Level 5 was irradiated), but Jasper also caused Tsing’s death by not letting her close the door. This means they are 365 Mountain Men still alive.

About 250 people (we find that out in 2x14) – Grounders and Arkers – in Tondcc, from the missile strike, killed by the Mountain Men: specifically Cage, Emerson and Whitman, but Lexa and Clarke are indirectly responsible for letting it happen. No info on how many of the leaders of the 12 Grounder clans were killed, but Luna and Queen Nia obviously survived, though we don’t see them in 2x13, so it’s not clear if they were even there, or sent someone else on their behalf (or if Luna even responded to the invitation).