#but there is always time for my favorite psychopath-sociopath couple

[ekk0klo]

"my star"

@measlyscrapofseafood Dtiys

[miraculouswolf99]

Season Five Feelings

As someone who has been into this show for a while, I am sure that I was not the only person who did not have high hopes for season five. Especially since after seasons 3 and 4, the show itself had really gone downhill. Especially in terms of character development and storyline.

But, as I watched season 5, it actually became one of my favorite seasons after the first two. There was actual character development, there were moments where characters other than Marinette got time to shine, and we finally got somewhere when it came to the love square.

I will first be honest. I have never been a fan of the love square. Marinette has always been a creepy stalker who seemed to care more about Adrien as the "perfect model" than she cared about Adrien as the "regular person." Also, I never liked how even when she tried to date Luka, she still never gave up on Adrien and that was extremely unfair to Luka since he is by far one of the best characters on the show.

But, given that season 5 had actual character development, the love square actually became something I enjoyed. First, there was the adorable reversal where Adrien liked Marinette and Marinette liked Cat Noir. Gave a lot of "Marichat" fans what they wanted given that it is the corner of the love square that people tend to enjoy the most. It also lead to both Marinette and Adrien going into slight depression because of how their hero lives continued to prevent them from having meaningful relationships with anyone as civilians. But, after the two of them actually got together, without any Cat Blanc or Ephemeral stuff happening, they actually became a really good couple. Marinette was less of a stalker, Adrien started standing up to his father, and the two became more in sync as heroes.

Also, if there is one thing that I have seen a lot, it is people disagreeing with how Lila and Chloe's characters were handled. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with them. While I get that people were probably excited by Chloe's redemption story and were against how it was "taken from her," I never cared much. Like, even during her "redemption" arc, Chloe was still Chloe. She still bullied others, still got people akumatized, and still treated everyone horribly. There was always the chance that she would turn worse rather than get better. With Lila, I think it is quite realistic that she is as bad as she is. Like, I understand how there are a lot of people that want her to have a reason for her being as bad as she is. But, that is not the case for everyone. Sometimes, people are simply bad without really having a reason. Lila is a classic case of a sociopath or a psychopath with narcissistic personality disorder. She literally can not accept anyone going against her in any way. Which is why she targets Marinette and Ladybug for such petty reasons.

As for each episode, allow me to share my feelings for each one.

Evolution: Probably the episode would have had the most fanfics about if it had not been the first episode of the season. Not only was it fun to see little flashbacks from previous episodes, but it was the start of development for other characters beyond Marinette. Such as how Cat Noir was allowed the rabbit miraculous to duel-wield as Rabbit Noir. Actually giving him a moment where he was treated as Ladybug's partner and not her sidekick. Also, it showed that despite the golden opportunity, Gabriel would choose his obsession with the heroes over everything else. After all, he could have easily given his past self the fix-it spell for the peacock miraculous but instead chose to go after Ladybug and Cat Noir. Plus, I personally also enjoyed Natalie giving him the "you're an idiot" talk. Also, we got the moment of Alix gaining the rabbit miraculous, even if it also took her out of the show, for the most part, to keep Monarch from getting the miraculous back. It was nice to see Alix's father approve of her leaving rather than taking Alix away from her life without letting him know. Multiplication: This episode was the first that started the rest of the real plot of the season. First, it showed the heroes traveling to London to confront Felix about both his betrayal as well as to get the peacock miraculous. His mother lied about him not being there even though the episode ended with him being next to her and then introducing himself to the peacock's kwami. Then, it showed how the other characters, and people in Paris in general, were adjusting to try and keep Monarch from being able to akumatize them. Such as Mylene and Ivan taking up yoga and Alya and Nino taking boxing lessons from Nora. It was shown that a few weeks had passed since Monarch gained the other miraculous, making people originally believe he gave up. Until the attack by Kagami's mom, who had also been given the power of the mouse miraculous. After she had been defeated, she was shown to not have the actual miraculous. This led to the reveal of how she was both aware of Gabriel being Monarch on top of revealing they were designing "smart rings" to give akumas specific miraculous powers without having to give them the actual miraculous. However, my favorite part was Adrien getting his best character development moment when he confronted his father and said he did not want to model anymore. Which, much to his shock, his father agreed to. Even if Gabriel only agreed because he was still using Adrien's image for the Alliance rings.

Destruction: Another episode that was almost like it could have been a fanfic. It was about Monarch trying to force the kwami to lead him to Marinette/Ladybug because he was ordering them to take him to The Guardian. It leads him into what was basically an overly complicated scavenger hunt around Paris that eventually takes him to the wax museum. But, it was then revealed the entire thing was a trap. Ladybug had been prepared in case Monarch, when he was Hawkmoth/Shadow Moth, ever got his hands on the kwami. So, she set up the entire scavenger hunt so that she would know where he would end up and they could ambush him. I thought it was great to have a moment of Cat Noir having actual pity as well as some trauma over Monarch forcing him to use his power on him so that he could get away. Plus, it's also fun to see the heroes be able to plan ahead the way they did to almost be able to defeat him. Especially since there was no way either could predict that he would be so desperate not to lose that he would allow himself to be cataclysmed. This episode also had the moment of when Gabriel and Tomoe changed the miraculous into rings so that they could move forward with their plan. It was great to see the plot slowly unfolding.

Jubilation: Usually, the introduction of a new character this late would not work out. But, I actually ended up really liking Socqueline. It showed an unseen part of Marinette's character when we meet an old friend of hers. Plus, it was also revealed that another usage of the Alliance rings was to track people. That way, if either Ladybug or Cat Noir wore a ring, the rings would detect their faster movements, which would reveal who they were to Monarch. While it was a little unrealistic that only Ladybug and Cat Noir would not wear rings, it makes more sense for Marinette and Adrien since Adrien was shown to not like that his image was still being used and Marinette was shown to not really like Alliance in general. And they were not the only ones since Ivan and Mylene were revealed to not wear rings, either. I also liked that Ladybug and Cat Noir chose to come out of the illusion that the power of the pig miraculous put them in. It shows that they were willing to put aside their own desires to stop the akuma.

Determination: It was not my favorite episode, to be honest. While it has been shown that Luka and Kagami were supportive of Adrien and Marinette getting together, this episode took it a bit too far where the two tricked them into coming to the museum and then locking them in a room. While this had already been done in the New York special, this time it was interrupted by a real akuma instead of the fake one that Jess and Aeon created. The episode also showed how much more hatred Chloe had for the heroes since she was using her father to keep the hero exhibit from being opened. A lot of people disagree with how Chloe has been done, but I have never liked her. Plus, her irrational hatred of the heroes has been shown before. It made more sense for her to hate the museum because I doubt they would have had a Queen Bee statue. I also enjoy that even this far into the show, there are still characters that become akumas for the first time.

Passion: Personally, this is one of my favorite episodes of the season. I really enjoyed the character development of Natalie. She stays at Agreste Mansion solely because she wants to protect Adrien from Gabriel. She even got akumatized on purpose, basically tricking him because she was going to take the miraculous for herself and make a wish to once again keep Adrien safe from Gabriel. Plus, another great part of the episode was Cat Noir taking charge of his and Ladybug's partnership. He was able to use the kwami to switch their miraculous so that he could become Mister Bug and she could become Lady Noir. He made the choice because the paralyzing arrows that Natalie/Safari was using against them would search specifically for Ladybug and Cat Noir, not Mister Bug and Lady Noir. I also enjoyed seeing how much Adrien did care for Natalie. He treats her as a mother figure and going to her for advice on how to ask Marinette out.

Reunion: There are two great things about this episode. The first being that we got to meet a previous holder of the ladybug miraculous, Joan of Arc. Marinette had gone to her for advice since she was the only other previous holder who was involved with that era's black cat holder. The second was how heartfelt it was to see Jalil missing his sister so much that he was willing to believe anything that could explain why she left because didn't want to believe she left her family willingly. He wanted the truth, even if he had originally gone to the wrong source by believing online chats that were filled with people going the "Monarch might want to use the wish for something good and Ladybug and Cat Noir might be the real bad guys" route. It was really funny to also see Joan try to fight Pharaoh, only to pass right through him because she was not actually there. Plus, when Plagg gave Adrien his own kwagatama, I was literally like "Finally!"

Illusion: Another great thing about the season was that civilians were also trying to fight back against Monarch. Nino had formed a resistance group made up of the class and their friends. They wanted to try and figure out how the akumas were gaining miraculous powers without having the miraculous. Only, they had no idea Lila eavesdropped on them and revealed their plan to Gabriel. It brings me to how I enjoy that Lila was becoming more frequent and less of someone who randomly appears in episodes to cause trouble. She was becoming an actual villain rather than a small-time bad guy. It was a villain's own form of character development.

Elation: I had said earlier, this season had a reversal of the love square. And this episode showcased their changed feelings. Probably the one thing I enjoyed the most about the episode was Marinette reaching her limit with other people telling her who she should love. It was a very human moment that also showed the downside of her falling for Cat Noir since it is dangerous to be with a hero. And despite knowing how dangerous it was, she still loved him. Cat Noir also had his own moment of knowing that it was dangerous for him to love Marinette as a hero. They both did not change their feelings, but they accepted how dangerous their feelings were. It was a great character moment for both of them.

Transmission (The Kwamis’ Choice – Part 1) & Deflagration (The Kwamis’ Choice – Part 2): I thought this two-part episode was a great show of Marinette and Adrien finally allowing themselves to make a selfish choice. Tikki and Plagg had taken it upon themselves to take away their miraculous so that both of them could lead normal lives and have their own love lives. I think it was a great moment to show that even heroes can go through difficult times. I also like how the plot device that was previously shown, the rings tracking the movements of their wearers, was used against instead of being forgotten. That was how Monarch learned the identities of Scarabella and Kitty Noir. Also, the episode included more of the Resistance that Nino started. I definitely enjoyed seeing them fight against Monarch rather than giving up hope once it was known that the new heroes had been defeated. Though, it was funny that while fighting against Monarch, Kim, Ivan, and Rose dogpiled to keep him from moving. The fact that Rose also jumped onto the villain despite being the only one who is almost as small and short as Alix was so funny to me. Plus, despite Marinette and Adrien basically going back to square one by the end of the episodes, they did not choose to go back. They decided to continue to try a relationship despite being heroes again.

Perfection: As I previously pointed out, I enjoyed that Lila was becoming an actual villain. This time, it showed how she was able to trick more than just the class since she was able to lie and trick Kagami. I did feel really bad for Kagami because she made to believe that no one really cared about her. That even when she strived for perfection, it wasn't enough. The plan for helping Kagami break out of Monarch's influence was really sweet. Especially since I enjoyed seeing Socqueline again. And while a little corny, I also think that Adrien's song to Marinette was really sweet, with funny moments as Max, Nino, and Zoe provided the backup vocals. A very random trio.

Migration: Luka is definitely one of my favorite characters. Not to mention also a fan favorite. So, having an episode focused on him was great. Anarka was also HILARIOUS with how many times she threw Bob Roth off the Liberty. And while I hate his character, I did like how Bob got an actual akumaization this time rather than the opening scene one that we got in the Ephemeral episode. I also enjoyed that it was finally brought up how Luka is aware of both Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities from back in the Wishmaker episode. Despite how it forced Luka to have to leave Paris, that was a realistic moment while showing Luka's selflessness when it came to protecting the heroes. Plus, the fact that he gets quality father-son time is a great thing for him that he deserves.

Derision: As someone who does really like Kim, I both loved and hated this episode at the same time. The parts that I loved were showing more about Marinette/the class's past, showing the reason why Marinette and Socqueline had been so close, and also having Adrien end his "friendship" with Chloe for real. I also enjoyed seeing the reason why Marinette was so focused on learning everything about Adrien. As much as I think it doesn't excuse her stalker behavior, it does explain it. I also enjoyed Mylene's line about how just because Chloe's mom left her, it doesn't excuse Chloe's behavior the way everyone says that it does. Chloe's brattiness is her choice and her choice alone. While I liked the additions to Kim's character, what I didn't like was how he was turned into an unknowing bully. Like, he didn't mean to be a bully, but he was one. He took jokes too far, including using Marinette's fear of bugs against her after Chloe tricked him. However, it did explain why Kim had sometimes gone along with Chloe in the past before she broke his heart in Dark Cupid. Such as going along with Chloe and Sabrina when Chloe got Alya suspended in Lady Wifi. I am glad that he learned his lesson by the end.

Intuition: Just like with the power of the rabbit, the power of the snake was another that probably a lot of people thought that Monarch would use a lot. And it was shown that he did use it. Very often. I liked seeing scenes from previous episodes, showing how much he used the power. Plus, it was another example of something from a previous episode not being ignored. This time being the cataclysm scar from Destruction. It showed how he basically was speeding up his injury because time would move for him while it would reverse for everyone else. Also, gotta love Natalie and her once again basically saying "You're an idiot" to Gabriel.

Protection: I know how often Kagami and Luka are used in fanfics as friends of Marinette who see through Lila's lies easily. But, I actually like how Kagami also falls for Lila's lies since it shows both Lila as a threat on top of showing that even someone like Kagami has weaknesses. What I didn't like was how this episode basically ignores Kagami having already learned from Perfection how much others, including Marinette and Adrien, care about her. Another great part was Adrien once against standing up to his father, who had teamed up with Tomoe to get Adrien and Kagami forced back together. Adrien chose not to listen to them, choosing to continue pursuing Marinette. He was really growing into his own character.

Adoration: Lila and Chloe had shown to have teamed up in the previous season. A great detail that was shown to not have been ignored in this new season. This time with them teaming up to get back at Marinette by getting Sabrina akumatized into Vanisher again, with the added addition of the power of the dog miraculous, to frame Marinette for theft. I enjoyed showing how awful these two are on their own with them basically using Monarch to their own advantage rather than the other way around. While I have always liked the inclusion of LGBTQ+ characters, I didn't like how Zoe was made yet another person interested in Marinette. If they really wanted more LGBTQ+ characters, then they could easily have Juleka and Rose or Marc and Nathaniel be actual known couples rather than having them only be known as that through speculation and guesswork. It just makes it seem like they try and force Marinette to appear like a Mary Sue-type character with how many people they have fall for her.

Emotion: Felix is another character that I feel got a lot of much-needed character development. While the entire idea of this episode came out of nowhere, it shows that Felix was more than just a regular villain. He was actually more like an anti-hero, like Red Hood and Harley Quinn. I enjoyed seeing him try and protect Adrien and Kagami by making those who control them vanish. It was also a realistic take on how even when both Adrien and Kagami are aware of the fact their parents are controlling, they still love them. Kagami showing she was even willing to attack a miraculous-wielding "bad guy" to get her mother back. I also enjoyed how Felix ended up changing because he could see how much he upset Adrien with his actions. But, Felix obviously was shown to be a very complex character that I was really looking forward to learning about more.

Pretension: More character development for both Marinette and Felix. Not only was it great to see Marinette standing up to Gabriel, but Felix showed his growth by becoming interested in Kagami. And not just because he liked her, but also because he did not want her to be controlled by her mother. Also, despite not trusting Felix, Kagami learned enough about Felix and why he does what he does that she was able to convince Ladybug and Cat Noir to give him another chance. That allowed them to be able to defeat Kagami's akumatized mother, with Felix allowed to get away. Felix and Kagami were quickly becoming a favorite couple of mine. The way they gave each other development was really good. Also, I enjoyed Adrien now having to deal with his own home-based conflict when Gabriel reveals he is going to demand Adrien go to London right after the end of school. It gives Adrien another reason to start standing up to his father.

Revelation: Lila is shown to really have no real version of herself. Not even with her own family since it is revealed she is juggling three different mothers/lives with her lies. I actually like that detail since it shows how there is really no "real" version of her. She also had really been pushed to the edge in this episode as Gabriel had replaced her with Kagami as an Alliance avatar. Part of which was probably because he wanted to make her angry to akumatize her, but mostly because he no longer found any use for her. However, I liked that it backfired on him since when he did akumatize her, she used her powers to force Natalie to take pictures of all of Gabriel's secrets and send them to her. While others might question how she was able to do that, she still had her free will because she was willingly akumatized. Just like when she was akumatized into Chameleon. I also like how Adrien apologized to Marinette for his "high road" advice. He now knew that Lila was a lot more dangerous than a simple liar. He was another great growth of his character. One thing that I will never understand is why they allowed Lila to run for class representative simply because she did not get the chance before. I mean, it was almost the end of the year, so there wouldn't be much point to have a change. My best guess is simply because they needed a plot device for the next episode.

Confrontation: And I was right about them needing a plot device for the next episode. After all, if they had not allowed Lila and Chloe to take over as class representative and deputy, then they would not have been able to throw away the original school/career forms to replace them with things none of the class would be interested in. After all, even if they replaced the forms while Marinette was still the representative, there is no way that Marinette and Alya would have shown the forms at the school meeting since they would know someone faked them. Also, while I didn't like how Damocles was forgiven for all his past mistakes, I did like that he finally stood up to the mayor. Especially when allowing the class to redo their forms rather than letting the mayor tell him to not allow that because it would "make the school look bad." The added power of the magical charms was also really cool! Lila finally being exposed was also really satisfying, even if it didn't end up doing much since Chloe used her power to keep herself and Lila in school and away from the consequences. But, my favorite part was actually the reveal that Juleka has a speech impediment, which resulted in her previously being held back a year. It was a great explanation as to why Luka was not also in the same school with them even after it was revealed that he and Juleka were twins.

Collusion: It turns out that Damocles' no longer being the principal did not mean much in the long run. Even with him being replaced by Mendeleiev, she also bent to the will of Chloe and the mayor. Even firing Miss.Bustier for no reason other than her trying to stand up for Marinette after Chloe faked getting slapped. As much as I hated how low Monarch was willing to go to akumatized a pregnant woman, I did like how it was one fight that was handled with no violence. Just like when Rose first became Pigella and helped defeat Reflekta without any need for fighting because of her power. However, I honestly did not like the episode much since it really drove home how Chloe literally can get away with ANYTHING! Like, how could it ever be possible for a TEENAGER to become mayor even if her father had been the previous mayor? Even with the usual TV logic, it STILL doesn't make sense.

Revolution: The only thing that makes even less sense than Chloe being the mayor is people being OKAY with her being the mayor and making Ladybug/Cat Noir outlaws along with Monarch. Like, the heroes have been working hard, day and night, to defeat Monarch and his akumas. With a lot of those akumas being CHLOE'S fault. Yet, that is forgotten by so many people when they agree with her decisions. Also, if Sabrina had not already broken her "friendship" with Chloe by exposing her and Lila's plan, then she DEFINITELY would have done it when Chloe replaced the entire police force, including Sabrina's own dad, with robots. Not to mention ruining school by forcing Mendeleiev to "teach" Chloe's fake version of history, which was her family being responsible for everything good in the world. However, I am SO glad that she FINALLY experiences consequences for her actions. Her father finally stands up to her, he kicks her out of Paris to allow Chloe's mother to have full control, and not even Marinette allows Chloe to deal her any more emotional pain. Chloe has reached rock bottom and she knows it. Also, Adrien and Marinette finally getting their kiss will always be adorable!

Representation: I will be honest and admit that I have never liked the whole "Adrien is a sentimonster" theory. But, then I got this episode that revealed how it was true, not to mention Felix and Kagami also being sentimonsters as well. That was definitely not expected. However, it does explain why Felix and Adrien are identical even though their mothers are identical twins. After all, identical cousins are not a real thing. I also really enjoyed the way that Felix and Kagami revealed their origins to Marinette. Telling it as a fairy tale with a sentimonster called "Once Upon A Time." It was fun and creative. I also loved how Cat Noir got to defeat an akuma all on his own, with help from the Resistance. Plus, since I do like Kim, I enjoyed how he was the one who went right to Cat Noir to help bring him out of his nightmare. I also felt SO bad for Adrien and Kagami since their parents wanted to control them so much that they forced them into plain locked rooms since both had escaped their previous new rooms in London.

. Conformation (The Final Day – Part 1) & Re-creation (The Final Day – Part 2): Big season finales have always been a favorite of mine! And this one was REALLY big! First, my heart went out to Adrien because he was constantly being tormented by his nightmare while also locked in his room with no way to seek comfort. Second, I really enjoyed the other heroes from other parts of the world, the United Heroes and Lady Dragon, coming to Paris to help in the final fight. It brings the heroes from the specials even more into the world of Miraculous rather than keeping them as just characters in the specials. Gabriel and Tomoe's plan was honestly brilliant! While Scarlet Moth failed to overwhelm the heroes, this was a global-scale epidemic that was pretty much a guarantee to overwhelm them. If it had not been for Marinette being able to learn who Gabriel really was. Her fusing the black cat and ladybug together was really cool to see! As well as bringing back the detail of the upgrades she and Cat Noir got from "growing up" in the Revolution episode since she used both Lucky Charm and Cataclysm several times without changing back. I also enjoyed how it didn't focus on just her showdown with Monarch, but also her friends dealing with the Alliance soldiers. Especially since Rose being the one to tackle Ivan to the ground when he became a soldier will always be funny to me! Rose is a violent angel and I am here for it! Only three things bothered me about the episodes. One, Marinette trusting Gabriel enough to de-transform in front of him just because he was showing a moment of weakness. That was NOT smart at all. Especially since he had already sown that he was pretty much completely insane with desperation by that point. Two, the fact that Marinette kept her "promise" to Gabriel to not reveal who he was to Adrien. If he ever finds out the truth, he is going to be DESTROYED! Not to mention feel incredibly betrayed by Marinette. Adrien has every right to know who his father was! And three, they seriously took Adrien/Cat Noir out of the final battle! That is NOT RIGHT! He has been a hero from day one and yet they do not even allow him to take part in the final battle! That is NOT okay!

Action: I don't honestly have much to say about this episode. It is simply one of those regular "children's show" episodes that are about teaching kids an important lesson. A lot of kid shows usually have an episode like it. The most I can say is that I enjoyed how it was another example of Adrien standing up to his father.

[criminalminds4days]

Family Matters | Chapter 9: Apologies

Hello Everybody!!

Once again, I have forgotten to add my personal note to the episode and forgot it published today!

Sorry for all that, I have been having a really long couple of weeks, but hopefully I will get some time to review and edit the chapters I have before I publish in the upcoming weeks. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 4.1k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog​

*************************************************

(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 9: Apologies

"You snore." The woman said as she heard him approach the kitchen, his pants from the night before hanging loosely on his hips and the infamous sweater covering his chest. She was facing the counter, making her famous recipe of coffee, her back to him. "I don't mean it as an insult. Just thought you should know."

"You snore too." He spoke, as she turned to him, not registering his clothes. "I also don't mean it as an insult."

"Coffee?" He nodded and she placed the sugar on the table and poured two cups of coffee. "Are you wearing my sweater?" She questioned as she finally noticed. "Why?"

"Can I ask you where you got it?"

"Emily gave it to me on my first case. We went to get hot dogs-"

"Really? Hot dogs? Do you know the crap that is in a hot dog?"

"Spencer, I love hearing your fun facts and I absolutely love that you share them with me, but please don't ruin hot dogs for me. I just can't tolerate that." He rolled his eyes and smiled at her, and she returned to the topic. "As I was saying, we were eating hot dogs and I ended up spilling ketchup all over my white shirt, so Emily ran back to the hotel and got me the sweater."

"So Emily is the one that gave you my sweater?"

"What do you mean?"

"This is my sweater."

"Why did Emily have your sweater?" As a possible reason came to mind she almost choked on her coffee. "Spencer, did you sleep with Emily?!"

"What? No!" He said, his face showing disturbance at the thought. "Emily is a very attractive woman, but I have no romantic feelings for her."

"Hmm."

"I mean it. Don't get me wrong, I am loving this jealousy scenario we have going on, but nothing is going on between Emily and me."

"Then how did she end up with that sweater?"

"Well, I packed it on my go bag during that first case you worked with us. Morgan made fun of me by saying what you told me when we met and ended up leaving the sweater on his bed. Later that day you were wearing a very similar one and when I got back mine was gone. I concluded it was the same, but I had no clue how you got it."

"So, Emily somehow got the sweater from your room and gave it to me. Why did you never ask for it back?"

"Because that conversation would have been really uncomfortable!"

"Fair."

"Anyway, now I can take it home and the mystery has been fully solved."

"First off, the mystery has not been fully solved because we have no idea how Emily got her hands on it. Secondly, you are not going to get that sweater back, because it is now mine. I am fine with letting you use it from time to time, that way it will keep your scent, but that is my sweater now."

"But it was one of my favorite sweaters."

"And it is my favorite. Besides, I am your girlfriend now, I get to keep your sweaters and hoodies."

"I don't like that."

"Well too bad buttercup." Before he could protest, both of their phones rang. "It's Emily." She said, with panic.

"Hotch is calling me."

"Go to the hallway to answer, they can't find out we're in the same place."

"Good thinking." He walked outside.

As soon as the door closed she answered the phone. "Spencer is not here, why would you think that?" She said to the woman on the other side of the phone.

"I didn't think he was there."

"Of course you didn't. I just had a dream that you did and your call woke me up."

"Okay," there was a pause before she continued, "we have a case."

"I will be there in about thirty minutes. I have to go pick up Reid at his apartment. Where he surely is right now. Because that's where he lives, obviously."

"So you guys made up?"

"Yeah, turns out I was imagining things. Nothing to worry about, everything is back to normal. Nothing new, nothing predictable. Reid and I are friends as we were before, not anything less, and not anything more."

"You are seriously worrying me, do you want me to go get you?"

"No! I will be there soon. Bye!"

After hanging up she moved to her room to change, deciding to wear jeans and her favorite top. A couple of knocks on her door made her return to the living room. She opened them to find Dr. Spencer Reid and her neighbor, Mrs. Johnson smiling awkwardly at each other.

"What are you doing out here?" She asked.

"You told me to take the call out here, remember?"

"Oh right," she moved aside to let him back in, "why did you stay out there?"

"Because your door was locked!"

"Sorry, didn't mean to leave you out."

"It's okay, though we should stop by my apartment, I don't think showing up in the same clothes as yesterday will be good."

"You're right. I just wish the next time Hotch says we have time off we actually get the time he promised us off." She whined as she placed her hair in a bun, too lazy to do anything else with it, and knowing full well she would regret it once she had to brush her hair again.

"I will make sure to send out a communication to all serial killers when that happens." He said sarcastically, "also, please change. We said no blue, remember?"

"Can I wear the sweater then?"

"Fine." He took it off and handed it to her, who immediately used it to cover her favorite top. "Let us get going. We do not need any more reason to arise suspicion. It usually takes us between thirty-three and forty minutes to get from your apartment to the coffee shop, then to my apartment, and finally to the office, and I got off the phone with Hotch about three minutes ago, so we need to hurry."

"Yes, sir." She grabbed her keys and handed him his shirt that he had forgotten in her room along with his shoes and took her go-bag and keys, making sure everything was off and/or unplugged before leaving.

About ten minutes after she was waiting for Spencer as he ran to change. She thought of the first time, a couple of months ago when this all had started. She was waiting for him in that same car, as he got ready to pretend to be her boyfriend to annoy Anna. Now, she was waiting for him to get ready so nobody would actually suspect that they were dating and he had spent his birthday night with her. 

How the turns have table.

"Okay, I am ready." He announced, entering the vehicle. "Let's go to work."

"To catch a psychopath we go!"

"Actually, most of the serial killers and criminals we catch aren't psychopaths. There are a lot of narcissists, sociopaths, and pedophiles in the mix."

"Never would have guessed." 

After a couple of minutes of driving, Spencer reached out for her hand and intertwined their fingers. The gesture was romantic and heartwarming, but she was not used to driving with one hand. She tried for two lights to do so but eventually gave up, knowing they would get in an accident if she kept driving with one hand.

"This holding hands, I am here for it. I love the energy, but if I keep holding your hand we will die."

"Sorry, I have seen it in a lot of movies, it always turns out really well. I should have thought of the real-life consequences." He said letting go of her hand, she placed a kiss on his cheek before letting go of the break and continuing to drive. 

"As I said, I love the thought, it's just that I am the clumsiest person to have ever lived and I am not a good driver as it is so I am trying to not get us killed."

"I know."

"So, how do we make this work?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I am trying really hard not to pull over and make out with you in my car again, so how are we going to make it work, without arising suspicion among anyone in our team?"

"We are profilers, how hard can it be to hide our emotions?"

"Apparently really hard, because everybody knew we liked each other but us."

"True, but if we keep acting as we did before, maybe they will think it is only because we are still in denial."

"I don't see a single flaw in your logic." 

As she undid her seatbelt after parking, he made sure no one was around before placing a soft kiss on her lips. How on earth was Spencer Reid so good at being a boyfriend? He was like everything she had dreamed about and they had only been dating for about eighteen hours! He gave her a soft smile and exited the vehicle. He waited for her, as he usually did but didn't attempt to open the door for her, as the one time he had tried he had received an hour-long lecture on how opening a door was not difficult and she did not need his help to do so.

They made their way to the round table and found all their coworkers sitting. JJ gave her a smirk as if her question from the night before was still as amusing as it was then. She tried not to hide under a rock and took a seat next to her. The blonde pulled a box of chocolate glazed donuts.

"I am sorry for eating it."

"JJ, I honestly wasn't that mad about it." She said but still took the box. "However, my mom did teach me to never say no to a gift." She offered the blonde one and this one took it. "Sorry for being a jerk to you."

"It's okay. You have feelings for Spencer and thought I was getting in the way, I mean, I can see the appeal but he and I are just friends."

"It's not that I have feelings for him." She lied, "cheating is something I just can't get past. But now I know it was silly to think that."

"You are absolutely right. I love my husband, and while Spence will always be special to me, it's not a romantic kind of special."

"I know."

"So, shoot your shot. I have a pretty good feeling he feels the same." She winked.

"Let's not go there!"

The woman laughed, inciting her to follow. She couldn't help but feel giddy. Everything seemed to be falling into place. Her eyes met his, a smile playing on his lips. She winked and returned her attention to the food in front of her.

As they made their way to the hotel, she was paired with Emily as it usually was and they both made their way to their room. They laid their bags on their bed and sat for a couple of seconds before heading to the police station. Her friend looked at her as if analyzing her behavior.

"Something is different."

"Yes, we are not in D.C. anymore."

"No, that's not it." She observed her for a couple more seconds. "You're glowing."

She tried not to give herself away, her body language and micro-expressions as controlled as possible. "No, I'm not."

"Spill it out."

She knew denying it any longer would be a mistake. "I met someone." She said.

"What do you mean, you met someone?"

"I'm dating someone." She admitted.

"Does Spencer know?"

"Yes, I told him last night. After I drove him home and he's happy for me."

"What's his name?"

"I'm not gonna tell you because then you'll go and tell Penelope about it and you'll stalk him." And because his name is Spencer Reid, she avoided saying.

"I'll be right back."

A couple of minutes after Emily left, her phone buzzed with a text message from Dr. Reid.

Why is Emily in my hotel room hugging me and telling me everything will be alright and that you'll come around?

She fought the urge to laugh, but it was in vain. Instead of responding to the text, after composing herself, she decided to make her way to his hotel room, not before reviewing a text from Hotch urging them to make their way back to the police station.

"What are you doing here?" Emily asked as she opened the door. The woman entered, looking for the doctor.

"I could ask you the same thing. Where's Spencer?"

"He had to go to the bathroom. Why?"

Before she could answer the bathroom door opened and Reid emerged, a face of relief as he saw her. She tried to hide her smile.

"Hotch needs us at the police station."

"Oh, right." The woman made her way to the door, "our conversation isn't over Dr. Reid." She said before exiting the room.

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her I was dating someone." She replied.

"Why would you do that? We can't be dating, you know?" He asked anxiously.

"Relax genius, I didn't tell her you were my boyfriend, I said I met someone but I didn't want to tell her because Garcia would stalk him, which is true by the way."

"Did you tell her I knew?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"Well, that explains it all." He said, she raised an eyebrow, questioning him. "She knows I had a crush on you, so she probably thinks I have a broken heart or something."

"Why did you tell her?"

"It was more like she told me."

"Did she make you list my qualities?" She asked, and he nodded. She reached up to his tie and pulled him closer. "Can I hear them?"

"No, it will only boost your ego." He quickly placed a kiss on her cheek and pulled back. "Now let's go, we have a job to do." Before he could get too far, she had pulled his tie, making him now stand at mere inches from her. "I don't think this is a good idea." He whispered.

"I'm full of bad ideas." She said with a wink.

"What on earth is happening right now?!" Emily's voice made them jump.

"Spencer had his tie crooked, I was trying to help."

"Bullshit!" The woman cried. "Is this really happening? Is my ship finally real?"

"Way to go, miss bad-ideas."

"Shut up." She responded and turned her attention back to Emily. "Sweetie, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Drop the act, Blackwood." The woman said, using her mother's last name. "You two are dating, aren't you?"

"You need to promise you won't tell anyone." He said.

"Spencer!"

"What? There was no way she was gonna buy any excuse, we might as well just tell her now."

"I can't believe it?! How long has this been a thing?"

"Just since yesterday, but we mean it, Emily. None can know. Especially not Hotch."

"I know, but this is just so exciting! I get to be your guys' cover-up!"

"I am serious Emily, you can't tell anybody. And please, act normal. We work with a bunch of profilers, if we aren't discrete they will figure us out."

"Says the one that blew our cover after only twenty hours," Reid mumbled.

"Watch it genius." She reprimanded.

They made their way to the police station after receiving three calls from Hotch urging them to hurry and using the disappointment card due to their lack of professionalism. They made their way through the station and joined the rest of the team in the briefing. 

As it turned out, there was an unsub abducting people and making them place calls to estranged family members or past loved ones. The call usually consisted of a request for forgiveness, when the person granted it, the person was released as far away from their abduction site as you could get, if there was no apology, the body of the caller appeared near the great salt lake. Turns out Utah was not as quiet as she remembered.

"Any insight?"

"This unsub is clearly taking apologizing to an extreme. I have to question who he really wants to punish." Spencer said, and all eyes turned to him. "On the one hand, if you've wronged someone and they accept your apology, you deserve to live. If they don't, you deserve to die, so we can assume that is the punishment. However, if the person does not accept an apology they will have to live knowing this unsub killed the person they used to love or used to be close with simply because they couldn't accept an apology."

"The question is how this unsub is getting the information needed to choose their victims," Hotch added. "And why them, why punish both parties, how does this satisfy his needs?"

"This is gonna sound pretty obvious," she spoke up, "but I think this unsub has mommy or daddy issues." She coughed, clearing her throat, "what I meant to say, is that the unsub sees himself as portraying one of these roles. I can discard the role of the caller simply because of the way the victims are disposed of. No care, they are simply garbage. It seems clear someone wronged him and he is trying to get back at them."

"Well, we aren't sure it's a he." Rossi pitched in.

"Women are not subtle about this. If the unsub was a woman, there wouldn't be as many victims. She would simply go to the source." she reminded him. "If this was a woman, one of the first victims wouldn't have made a call, but every single one has."

After more analysis and a well-established profile, they were directed to question some potential suspects. Reid, Prentis (who had begged Hotch to join them), and she made their way to the house of Lucas Heavensbee. A man who seemed to fit their profile but was still being stalked by Garcia for any link.

They knocked on the door and made sure to identify themselves as FBI agents.

"So, aren't you guys gonna hold hands or something?" Emily whispered after the other girl knocked on the door again.

"Do you know how impractical that would be?" Reid responded.

"You guys are no fun!" 

Before she could remind her best friend of where they were, the man they were looking for jumped out the window. "Suspect is running!" She informed and chased after him, really glad she wasn't wearing heels at that particular moment. 

Though even if she had, there wasn't much that would have changed, as after five minutes the unsub stopped and started breathing heavily. "Give me two minutes and then we can continue running," he said.

"Nice try buddy, but you're coming with us." She approached him and cuffed him. "Now that you've made us lose our time, I hope you will be a little more considerate and cooperate with us.

"Depends, are you gonna interrogate me?" The man played with his eyebrows.

"She's taken, you creep," Emily said.

"Agent Prentiss!" Spencer grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to their SUV. After they were settled, with Emily behind the wheel and Spencer in the front seat, she placed the man on the left-back seat and took the right.

"This is the nicest car I have been in, I have to say, being arrested has its perks."

"Please do not try to start a conversation while we take you in for questioning."

"Tough crowd." 

They entered the police station and placed him in the interrogation room, none of the team members ready to question him. They still had to come up with a strategy.

"Lucas Heavensbee. Twenty-nine. His dad abandoned him and his mother after this one had a miscarriage. A couple of months ago, his mom died of cancer."

"Told you guys it was daddy issues." The woman said and approached the door to the interrogation room. "Guess I'll take this one."

"No," Spencer spoke up. "That is exactly what he wants, besides, we don't have a strategy yet."

"I do." She said, turning to face Hotch. "I know how he thinks. In his mind, there are two types of people, nothing more. He will not crack under pressure, he has designed himself to shield any attempt to invade his thoughts from someone who isn't like him."

"How does that help us?" Derek asked.

"Because I was him. I of course didn't murder anyone, but I thought like him for a really long time."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I need to go in alone." 

"Go then. Leave the camera on, so he knows he's being watched, it might give you the edge you need." She nodded and made her way in. The guy was so obvious about the issues he had, she almost felt bad for him. That was if he hadn't decided to kill innocent people. He was even good looking. If she didn't have a boyfriend and he wasn't a serial killer, she would have even flirted back.

"Well, if it isn't the cute agent."

"Well, if it isn't another guy with daddy issues." She answered as she made her way to the camera and turned it on. "How about you tell me what I need and we get this over with?"

"Now, honey, I am not that easy. At least take me to dinner first."

On the other side of the mirror, Emily and Spencer had placed themselves under Aaron's orders. He wanted to make sure the interview went well and if she needed moral support, the two people she trusted the most would be there. The rest of the team was going over the evidence, as at the moment everything seemed purely circumstantial. 

"This guy is a jerk." The man said.

"It's a façade, it's all about appearances. He's testing her."

The woman took a seat and opened her file. "Your dad left when you were ten, soon after your mother lost her baby, that must have been hard."

"Oh please, as if you would know anything about that."

"What hurts more, losing a sibling, losing your father, or losing your mother?" He banged the table with his fists. "Hard to choose, makes sense."

"You didn't even blink." He noted, a smile spreading across his face. "Was it your mom or dad that hit you?"

"That is none of your business and it is irrelevant."

"It was your dad, wasn't it?"

"If you must know," she paused, looking slightly at the camera, "it was neither of them. I grew up with cousins who didn't like me very much. Now, stop acting like your some kind of macho man when we both know you're nothing but a sexually frustrated man who can't seem to get over his father leaving so he decided to take it out on people who were innocent and had nothing to do with his little show!"

"Ah, now there is the real you. Feels good to be free, doesn't it." His view changed directly to the mirror, "Who's on the other side? Your boss?"

"No, all of my team is making sure you never get out of prison."

"Is that why they sent you here? Because you were of no help out there?" 

"No, they sent me here because I am the only one that understands your punk phase. I too had one. The difference is I outgrew it and it outgrew you."

"Did your dad leave?"

"Let me make a deal with you since you seem determined to snoop at my business. I will turn that camera off, and you will write me a confession. If I am satisfied with it, I will answer five questions. If I am not satisfied, you get to rot in here."

He smiled as if hearing those words was all he wanted. "Deal, agent."

"It's doctor, actually," She clarified. "You have twenty minutes."

She exited the room to find herself faced with Spencer Reid.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" He asked as he examined her, "you are not going back in there."

"I have exactly what I need. I am definitely going back in there, now can you please stop? You are not being very subtle right now."

He let go of her and moved closer to Emily, suddenly aware of what he had done. 

"Is there anything that can put him away?"

"Not unless we get a confession." She looked at the man, who was writing on a notepad that had been placed there when he arrived. "Why does he have to be handsome?"

"I know, right? If he wasn't a serial killer... Ugh, you cannot find men that look like that anymore."

"Excuse me?" Her boyfriend asked.

"Are you gonna tell me he's not hot?"

"Just because I think he is, does not mean I want to hear you say it!"

The man placed down the pencil, signaling he had finished. Now was the time to beat him at his own game. 

[dawniebb]

Thoughts about Renegades

ALRIGHT FOLKS, TAKE A SEAT BC I’M ABOUT TO KICK MYSELF OUT OF THIS FANDOM :’)

Not really

But I’m going to rant for a while so perhaps you can go grab a snack or something :’)

So…I LOVE Renegades and I always will but I’ve been thinking about some of the things that seem…off to me. Not that they’re a big deal ofc (because I love Renegades in a really dumb and blind way) but some of them are quite unpopular opinions among the fandom, so I’m finally going to share them in case someone out there feels the same way X’DDDDD

They’re not in any particular order. Here we go:

- I completely stan the idea of Nova and Oscar and Nova and Callum being brotp material, but I stan Nova and Callum way more, not because I don’t like Nova and Oscar, but because I think it was genuinely good (and healthy) for Nova to have a friend out of Adrian’s circle. I mean, she’s been isolated most of her life now, and when I realized she finally had someone of her own… like, a person she met with whom she connected without Adrian introducing them to her, was a HUGE step. Callum is one of my favorite characters in the whole series, and when the t h i n g  happened I was devastated for MYSELF *sobs* but also because MM took him away from Nova. She opened to him more than she ever opened to Oscar throughout the three books. Sorry not sorry :’).

- AS A YOUNG ADULT (I’LL BE 20 IN MAY, YOU GUYS) let me tell you that all these dumbasses act like completely normal teenagers and all their shitty decisions sound like something I would’ve done when I was their age. Actually, the Team Sketch really reminds me of my own circle of friends. I’ve seen you guys complain about Adrian acting extremely dumb for his age but GUYS HE’S FUCKING 17. WHEN I WAS 17 I WAS AS CLUELESS AS HIM. ALL MY FRIENDS WERE. AND IT WAS SO STUPID IT HURT BUT SHIT BE LIKE THAT SOMETIMES. I was the Nova among them. That is: I joined their group hella late and one of the guys became my crush. I was so dumb I told him he was my crush when I was defeated on the floor with a dislocated knee because I was having a breakdown and I legit thought I was D Y I N G. Teenagers.Are.Like.That.

- HOWEVER, EVEN IF I JUST SAID ALL OF THAT….And I want to believe all of you agree with me: I don’t justify Oscar. It’s okay being a dumb teenager, but you can’t just ask your crush to be your girlfriend during a PUBLIC EXECUTION. That wasn’t romantic. At all. If I were Ruby I would’ve been really offended, no joke. (AT LEAST WHEN I TOLD *MY* CRUSH WHILE I THOUGHT MY LEG WAS GOING TO BE AMPUTATED, WE WERE IN CHORUS CLASS. ALL THE GUYS WERE SINGING TO ME BC THEY THOUGHT THAT WOULD CALM ME DOWN. IT WAS A GROSS AND ODDLY SWEET MOMENT, YOU KNOW?).

- I feel like Ruby is…I’m not going to say mistreated, but…Idk. I feel like she’s trying her best and she’s kind to everyone in the group and in some parts of the books they just…forget about her :’). (This may be Marissa’s fault, though). Which makes me really sad, because she’s genuinely sweet and I felt like she was the most welcoming to Nova since the very beginning (Apart from Adrian, of course).

- I’m part of the “Leroy switched sides at some point” squad, but at the same time I believe he’s just very, VERY chaotic neutral and (I’m never giving up on this) since he loved Nova, he would just stick to the side where they promised to keep her safe, even if that meant being jumping back and forth between the Renegades and the Anarchists.

- I ALSO BELIEVE WINSTON MAH BOI SAW A LOT OF HIMSELF IN NOVA. To my particular point of view, his mental state was the most stable when she moved with them. He unconsciously tried to stop her from becoming what he’d become and the Anarchists realized that, so when they found Ace’s little human weapon being threatened, they just teared her away from Winston, which caused his mental health to go downhill again until he ended up all psychotic (which is how we got to meet him during Renegades).

- Honey had way more complicated issues than just being “evil”. Yes. She’s dead. And me defending her won’t make her less dead. And I know she got what she deserved because she was…completely out of control and Marissa tends to kill those who are too far gone (take Levana as an example). But I think that if she hadn’t neglected her own mental health so much she would’ve had a chance; Honey had good in her :’) maybe, before meeting Ace, she was a different person. Like, it’s mentioned she grew up in a small farm. I think she fell in love with him at some point and, by the way he talks to her sometimes, I’m *almost* sure he knew that, so he tried to take advantage of the situation to keep her in line, even though he had no intention to reciprocate her feelings. Sure, Honey is a manipulative brat, but she’s a hundred times worse when she knows Ace is around or when she knows she has a chance to get him back (she goes batshit crazy in the cathedral, you know?). Ace was a power-hungry sociopath/psychopath and she was a depressed, also power-hungry woman who was in love with him. And that’s a BAD combination. Honey Harper was hopeless… and I think she even showed some signs of Stockholm Syndrome.

- Still, Honey and Nova’s relationship reminds me a lot of my relationship with my dad. Theirs was a toxic relationship, but since I’ve been through that (still going through that), I refuse to believe it will be easy for Nova to overcome her death *that* easily. They loved each other in a…violent, weird way, but Honey was Nova’s mother more than Tala ever got the chance to be (because Ace took that opportunity away from her) and if Honey hadn’t been so –like I mentioned before- hopeless, they could’ve fixed their relationship until it was normal and healthy, because Honey showed signs of loving Nova, and Nova showed signs of loving her.

- Every death in Supernova had a very specific narrative purpose but, even if I hate Evander as much as y’all do, I think his death was done for the sake of the shock factor afgshja like, he died in such a sudden, meaningless way :’).

- Tamaya is nothing but wasted potential. You have a savage, feral, badass woman with w i n g s and the only thing she does is getting her fucking face burned and throwing fists with entitled teenagers.

- I LIVE for Simon and Hugh as couple, but (gosh, saying this makes me feel really guilty) the fact that they didn’t share not even ONE kiss throughout the trilogy made me feel really queerbaited :’). Same thing happened with Danna and Narcissa, but I think that was PLAIN half-assed.

-Why doesn’t Adrian has Simon’s last name as well? :’)

- ADRIAN NEEDS THERAPY AS MUCH AS NOVA DOES. LET’S BREAK THIS DOWN, HERE WE GO:

*So, we know that Marissa Meyer’s male characters are always really sweet and kind and wholesome and omg :’)…and then there’s fucking Jacin (whom I love, but that doesn’t minimize the fact he shall burn in hell X’DDDD) . I mean, he’s kind…to Winter and Winter only…and Cress…sometimes. When it comes to Winter, he’s capable of a lot, A LOT of things. He comes off as rude many times (especially to Cinder, during Cress) and…yeah. He looks like he could kill you and he could ACTUALLY kill you; I feel like the fandom moves Adrian to …whatever category Kai’s in….but I’m not sure that’s the case. Let’s analyze Cinder’s equivalent to Nova’s bracelet: Peony’s chip; Kai was mad at Cinder, FUCKING mad. But once he kinda figured out Cinder was grieving his sister and keeping the only thing she had left from her for emotional reasons, he didn’t, under any circumstance, no matter how much he hated Cinder at the moment, want that chip to be taken away from her. Kai had lost his father. He KNEW what it felt like and he didn’t want anyone to feel the same way, because he SAW Cinder suffer her little sister’s death. Adrian had lost his mother and he knew Nova had lost both her mother and her father AND her little sister; she had opened up enough to tell him that bracelet was the only thing she had left from her father…and when he learned Nova was Nightmare, instead of interrogating her, taking a sample of her blood or things like that, he straight took her bracelet. Because Adrian was hurt and he wanted her to be hurt too, so he took away the one thing that mattered the most to her and THAT WASN’T VERY KAI OF HIM IF YOU ASK ME. My point is, sadly: Adrian is ABSOLUTELY traumatized due to his mother’s death (who wouldn’t?) and now that he knows he indirectly killed her he will only get WORSE. He hated Nova for being Nightmare just because he thought she had something to do with Georgia’s death, so when things went to shit, he did her in the dirtiest way he could, making her feel hated and unwanted, which were Nova’s delicate spots afgshja…like, Adrian’s capable of a lot of things(just like Jacin). He NEEDS therapy. Now.

- The heated kiss scene during Archenemies is both heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time (besides…you know, heated). Nova’s so touch-starved she gets overwhelmed when Adrian suddenly gives her all the physical affection she didn’t have during her childhood. And…I feel it was a very intimate moment between both of them, because they were physically and emotionally invested and omg. This only makes my previous point (about the bracelet) more horrible, because I can’t imagine how she must’ve felt when he took away her bracelet with so.much.hatred.

-WE DESERVED TO KNOW THE CHANGES THAT WERE MADE TO THE SYSTEM BC TBH THE RENEGADES SYSTEM WAS SHITTY AF… It’s like…they claimed to be against what the Anarchists did but then suddenly they were doing the same things themselves. And I don’t think that’s fair. The Renegades acted as messed up as the Anarchists during Supernova. They wanted to EXECUTE a MINOR who committed MINOR CRIMES. I mean, what did Nightmare even do? Right, she tried to assassinate Hugh but she FAILED, and she neutralized Team Frostbite in SELF-DEFENSE and in Max’s defense.

- Besides, the way Anarchists were treated was...really inhuman. As far as I understand, they didn’t have access to public services or anything like that. What if they needed meds? Where did they get their food from? Did they have, like, fucking running water? Electricity? There are also three women among them and they get *periods*, people, and *period stuff* is expensive as fuck. Like, did they have to steal tampons? And if they did…were they chased because of it? Even though they had no way to get income in a legal way because they were Anarchists and being out there like normal people was against the rules for them? Lol?

- JESUS THAT SYSTEM REALLY NEEDED TO BE CHANGED LMAO AFGSHJA

-Also, Cragmoor? Wtf.

- AND, LAST BUT NOT LEAST, NOT BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT BECAUSE THIS IS TOO LONG ALREADY: It think Nova and Evie have been apart for too long and it’s going to be hard for them to create a bond. They’ll have to get used to it, because it’s going to be confusing for Nova and, given the fact Evie’s personality is…like that, I think she’ll go as far to blame Nova like “But you were SUPPOSED to look for me.”

I rest my case.

[purplesurveys]

941

ACH

Do you listen to anything by Bach? I’ve probably encountered some of his material since I like looking for classical musical playlists to listen to on Spotify, but I’m nowhere near being a devoted fan or anything like that.

ASH

Do you like ash trees? I’m not attached to any kind of tree, really – but I know I have nothing against this kind, haha.

Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet? No. The only ashes I’ve gotten to encounter are my grandpa’s, but we’ve since placed them in our local ossuary so that he can rest in peace.

How often do you feel like you want to bash your head against a wall? Before September, quite seldom. But with this month being so turbulent, chaotic, and nothing like I expected it to be, seldom has turned into every day.

Has anyone ever thrown you a big birthday bash? Sure. I had a big party when I was 7 and I also had a nice slew of celebrations when I turned 18. But if you mean a surprise birthday bash then no, no one has thrown one for me.

Do you know anyone who is brash? I do, but fortunately I haven’t had to work with her for a while now. I certainly often felt annoyed when I used to have to.

Do you typically carry cash or a credit/debit card? OMG Y’ALL I finally opened my own bank account last Friday I’ve never felt so grown-up until now haha. My dad helped me set up my first card, which is a debit card. :)

Have you ever crashed someone else’s party before? No, that sounds so annoying omg. I’d never want to be known as a gatecrasher. I know I’d be pissed if someone showed up to any of my parties uninvited.

Have you ever been involved in a car crash? Yes but fortunately they’ve all been super mild ones. One of my biggest fears is getting involved in a car crash where things would be out of my control and becoming seriously injured, like if a drunk driver crashed into me or if a 12-wheeler loses its brakes and slams into my car or something. I think I’d live in resentment for the rest of my life if that sort of thing happened to me and still ended up alive.

Do you use Door Dash? I didn’t know what this is so I had to look it up, and even though we don’t have Door Dash we do have several apps that do exactly the same services.

How often do you use a dash in your writing? I like using them in more casual contexts like survey entries, personal essays, feature articles, etc. I avoid dashes in academic writing since dashes are not really the most formal of punctuation marks.

Last place you made a mad dash to? The car repair shop that my dad asked me to meet him at because his situation was a little urgent at the time.

Do you make it a habit to flash people? Oh wow, no I don’t. That’s one of the last things anyone can expect from me. I like wearing revealing or skin-tight articles of clothing, but that doesn’t mean I like giving absolutely everything away lol

Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera? No flash, always. I hate the effect that flash does and I never go for it, unless I’m in an area where lighting is poor.

Is the Flash one of your favorite superheroes? No. I’m not very big on superheroes to begin with.

Do you use the phrase “I’ll be back in a flash”? Not really. I find myself using “I’ll be super quick” more, or using ‘jiffy’ instead of flash.

Have you ever had a gash in your head before? Anywhere else on your body? I sported a gash near my eyebrow once because of some cousin who tried to blind me by hurling a glass jar towards my left eye and just narrowly missing my actual eyeball. Now there’s a scar in its place. Currently, I have multiple gashes on my arms and legs because Cooper.

Do you like hash browns? They’re okay, but I can’t have them all the time because I find them way too greasy for my enjoyment.

Do you do hash? No.

How often do you use hash tags? Almost never, unless I’m fighting for a political cause like BLM or calling for free mass testing. Hashtags got real lame real quick when they started getting popular around 7-8 years ago.

Do you have long eyelashes? Yes, it’s my favorite feature of mine and I get compliments on them fairly often.

How often do you lash out at others? For what reasons? Not often, but when I do it’s almost always because I’m already buckling under immense pressure and probably have nowhere to release my stress onto. I don’t turn it into an automatic mechanism though, because I don’t want to make others feel like shit for things they didn’t do.

Do you like mashed potatoes? I enjoy them but they’re not really my favorite dish. I can do 4-5 spoonfuls of them before getting over them haha, like I can never seem to finish a serving of it.

Do you typically gnash your teeth together? No I HATEEEE the sensation and the sound that it makes. My sister grinds her teeth in her sleep and it drives me nuts whenever we’re on a family trip and we share a room.

Do you know someone who speaks balderdash? Sure.

What color is the backsplash of your kitchen? White.

Have you ever had any rashes before? What kinds? Yes. Back in high school I used to occasionally get a random itchy area on my leg and whenever I’d scratch it, it would turn into an ugly patch of rashes. I never figured what the condition was but I’m just glad it’s never happened again.

Do you typically make rash decisions? Sometimes. I really tend to impulsive. The last one I made was swapping a full-time job opportunity for an internship with much lesser pay. Even I was surprised by how quick I jumped into the latter, but I like the nature of the work of the internship SO MUCH MORE, and I dunno if I’ll be happy with what I would be doing in the full-time gig. Plus, internships here are never even paid ones, so the fact that they even offered to give me an allowance per day just goes to show how good the company I’m interning for is.

Have you ever worn a sash before? I probably have but I don’t remember what for anymore.

Do you often find that your personality clashes with others’ around you? Yes, but I’m also good at adjusting to all kinds of personalities so I’m not too bothered by the clashes.

Whose tires would you like to slash? Any racist’s tires, really.

Who would you like to smash with? No one at the moment.

What was the last thing you smashed out of anger? I don’t really tend to be violent when I’m angry. The last angry thing I did was to throw my head against a pillow, but that’s it.

Do you have a secret stash of something hidden anywhere? Nopes.

How often do you take out the trash? My parents prefer to do it so they don’t really ask us to.

Has anyone ever told you that you look like trash? Other than myself, no.

Do you like to splash in the pool, the bathtub, or in puddles? I wouldn’t call it my favorite thing to do; I hate the mess that it makes, ha.

Have you ever thrashed violently before? What was the cause? Yeah. I probably embarrassed my grandma for life when I did so, but it was when I had to be confined to the hospital and they needed to insert the IV thing on me. It sent me into the worst panic attack I’ve ever gotten and I ended up thrashing a lot and several people had to hold me down so that the nurse could stick the thing into my wrist.

Do you own and use an eyelash curler? No. Those make me cringe so bad...I hate how they get so close to the eyeball. Kate brought her makeup kit to school everyday and she always made me try to learn how to curl my own lashes, but it just made me feel so nauseated lol

Have you ever experienced backlash from others? A few times before.

Have you ever had whiplash before? Never.

ATH

Do you prefer a shower or a bath? Shower. Much more efficient. Baths are relaxing, but I don’t like how I end up bathing in what’s pretty much dirty water.

Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before? I’ve only given Kimi a bath. I let my dad bathe Cooper since he’s too much of a handful for now, plus I think it’s fair if we bathe one dog each haha.

How good are you at math? I can answer advanced algebra, statistics, and geometry questions if you give me enough time to review and get reacquainted with the formulas, but I’m perfectly alright with no longer revisiting trigonometry and calculus for the rest of my life.

Do you feel like your life is on the right path? Career-wise it definitely is; I’m happy with the direction it’s going right now. Everything else seems so turbulent at the moment and I can’t say I’m happy.

Are there any bike paths or footpaths in your area? We have sidewalks, if they count.

Have you ever gone on the warpath before? Not really. I do get very angry with certain people if I think they’ve been behaving badly, but I rarely get confrontational.

Is there a birdbath in your yard? No, those aren’t common here at all. I’ve only seen those in cartoons, I think.

Have you ever had a footbath before? Nopes.

What’s the last thing you’ve had to deal with the aftermath of? I can think of one thing but it’s still pretty triggering so I don’t feel like bringing it up at the moment.

Have you ever witnessed a bloodbath? Thankfully I haven’t. I get so queasy when I see blood though; it’s so much better off this way because I wouldn’t be able to deal with one at all.

Are you a sociopath or a psychopath? Do you know anyone who might be? No lol. I don’t think I know of anyone who could possibly be either. I wouldn’t want to associate myself with one in the first place.

Who’s the last person that you faced the wrath of? Myself.

AMP

Do you have an instrument that you plug into an amp? Nope, I own 0 instruments.

When’s the last time you felt amped up? What was the reason? Thursday morning when I parked in front of the office I was gonna have my job interview in. I needed to hype myself up to feel confident so I spent a couple of minutes in the car pumping my chest and screaming and shit, lol

Have you ever gone to day camp or overnight sleepaway camp? No. My mom wouldn’t have allowed me as a kid.

When’s the last time you felt like a champ? It’s been a while. I haven’t exactly felt like I’ve been winning in anything.

Last time it was damp where you lived? This afternoon. It was really humid for a good few hours and then it ended up raining.

Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp? My index finger whenever I’d try to use chopsticks; and my toes when I hiked in Sagada. The toe cramps were so bizarre I was actually laughing-crying the whole time the tour guide was treating me; my dad was taking photos of me too loooooool

Do you refer to your grandfather as “Gramps”? No. I call both of them Lolo, which is our local version of Grandpa.

Have you ever worn a headlamp before? No, I’ve never really had to.

Do you have a ramp anywhere in your house? I don’t think so, no.

Has anyone ever called you “scamp” before? No.

How many lamps are in the room you’re in? How many are actually turned on? There is one lamp, and it is currently turned on.

Do you stamp your feet when you are angry? It doesn’t tend to be a behavior of mine, no.

Last time you used a postage stamp? Not sure...grade school, probably? I never used those a lot.

Are there streetlamps on your street? What time do they turn on? Yep. I don’t keep track of their schedule but a safe guess would be either 6 or 6:30 PM.

Last place/area that you wanted to revamp? My room.

Do you know anyone who is a tramp? No.

Have you seen Lady and the Tramp before? Not the full movie but I’ve seen a lot of excerpts from watching Magic English as a kid.

Do you know anyone with a “tramp stamp”? I don’t think so.

AWK/AULK/ALK

Is the squawk of certain birds annoying? Which ones? I’ve never found any of them annoying, but maybe that’s also because there aren’t a lot of different birds flying around where I live.

Do you prefer hawks or falcons? And…why? I don’t have a preference; I’ve never encountered either.

Has anyone ever watched you like a hawk before? That sounds a little creepy and I wouldn’t want to know if anyone has.

What was the last thing you used caulk on?   I’m almost positive I’ve never handled that, haha.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 16

*~*Sebastian*~*

I really should be given a lot of credit for how long I stayed away from Emma.

Day one I couldn't stop holding her hand. Day two I had to touch her. Day three all I want to do is hold her. Well, not all I want.

Since I woke up with her in my arms there's a part of my brain constantly on the look out for how to get her back there. I have to admit I’m not super confident because my brain has failed me numerous times in trying to figure out kissing her. Had it helped me out with the kissing I wouldn't be so fucking desperate to hold her. Probably wouldn't be talking so much to myself either, but that isn't really unusual. Maybe just different topics.

My mom is having fun with this. I'm not always translating everything she says. She told me Emma was beautiful and she understood why I hadn't come home. She told me I had to work for at least an hour before I could see her. Then she sent her to the opposite side of the house from me and stood guard across the hall.

When I was "allowed" to see Emma again I scared the shit out of her. It was fucking hilarious. When I grabbed her into my arms I held her head against my chest so maybe she wouldn't know I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn’t stop laughing until she ran her hands down my back. It was the same barely there sensual touch that went from my shoulder diagonally down and around to the side of my stomach. I closed my eyes to enjoy it and imagined it didn't stop there. So when she led me into the guest room, a room with a bed, it took every ounce of self-control in my body not to throw her on the bed and cover her with me.

The picture snapped me out of those thoughts. It had been years since I’d seen it. It was full of happy memories of a good time in an otherwise gray period. I wasn't old enough and I think mom shielded me from much. She tried to make whatever food we got something fun for us to build meals around. It wasn’t that we didn’t have food. We didn’t have a lot and we didn’t have choices. We played a form of bingo with what we'd get. Meat, dairy, and fruit were coveted. Except that one weird cheese that we got every six weeks or so. Nothing made it not horrible.

I can't remember telling any other girlfriend about how the beach in a communist country taught me freedom and curiosity that culminated in me being in a NASA movie. Coolest thing ever. Now I’m in the guest room telling secrets I barely remember. Frightening secrets for a kid. There's really no way to escape that without carry some things with you. I don't talk much about Romania because I don’t remember much, but what I do remember I don’t really want to talk about. I wonder if my mom planted the picture for me to share a happy memory.

I dropped Emma off at the kitchen and went back to the family room. Anthony and I headed out to the garage to find a couple of things he knew were missing from the room. Back inside we started arranging things. The kitchen wasn't far away. Every so often I'd catch words or a sentence. They were talking about winters and snow removal. I listened closer when mom asked where and how long she'd lived here. Nothing I didn't know. As Emma explained where her place was, she told mom about local shops and answered questions about the area. Very sweet.

Meanwhile in the family room we got things arranged based on where the TV hung on the wall and came to the realization it was all wrong. I yelled for mom. Emma followed her into the room. Mom looked around, "This is all wrong."

A ridiculous amount of time later we'd rearranged everything. The only thing left was for me to move the TV and rewire everything. I'd be an expert by the time we were done. Mom suggested a break and went to get beers.

I flopped onto the couch and when it looked like Emma was going to sit too far away, I grabbed her hand to pull her closer. Damn near landed her in my lap. Wouldn't have been a bad thing. I recreated the scene from the bench last night with my arm around her shoulder and her holding my hand. That left each of us with a free hand for beer. Emma turned a little where she was leaned against me and laid her head back on my shoulder. I buried my nose in her hair, breathing her in until mom brought back beer.

I doubt this was what Emma had in mind when I suggested she come with me. Mom and Anthony were talking so I gave Emma's shoulders a squeeze to get her attention. "Not much of a rest day for you. I'm feeling selfish. I wanted to spend more time with you.” I was coming clean. I wasn't going to apologize because that would be a lie.

She smiled, a sweet almost shy smile, that made my stomach flutter. "I wanted to spend more time with you too." Her smile tuned to a smirk, "So don't suggest taking me home unless you're ready for me to leave. I'm enjoying myself."

"No problem."

Mom's voice broke the moment, "Emma, have you had Romanian food? We were thinking dinner and a movie. If my son gets the TV hooked up."

"You've just given me motivation, mom."

I felt Emma laugh more than heard her. "No, I haven't and sounds great. Thank you."

Anthony stood up, "Let's get back at it."

Mom excused Emma from the kitchen after Anthony and I got the TV sorted. He went to his office. Mom stayed in the kitchen and I got an assistant for hanging shit and putting up books. There were an obscene number of books. Thankfully they were sorted into boxes in a way that made alphabetizing them by author not so much a pain in the ass. The ease with which Emma alphabetized the titles within each author was super hero like. My job was to hand them to her. By the respectful way she handled them I knew she loved books. She took a stack from me, "Do you like to read?"

I nodded, "I've read most of these. I’ve always liked to read. I do a lot of reading to research characters.”

"Like what?"

I went with the most obvious. "For the Winter Soldier and Bucky I read a lot about psychopaths and PTSD. They’re really two different characters, maybe four.. True crime procedural stuff for Destroyer. Way more space shit than I needed for the Martian. Loved the book."

"Do you prefer non-fiction to fiction?"

"Pretty equal. I'm usually reading a couple of books at a time. I switch back and forth. I love Harlan Coben from before they were making his books movies. Have you read anything of his?"

Her eyes shifted up as she thought. "The one that was a French film. His wife dies then like ten years later he gets a message."

At the same time we said, "Tell No One."

I continued, "Loved that one. He writes lots of those thriller mysteries and has a series about a detective. Lots of humor and his best friend is a millionaire sociopath. Those are fun. Always reread classics and my favorite novel is changing all the time. A lot of mindfulness, Buddhism."

Her eyes lit up, "Have you read Illusions by Richard Bach?"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"It was written in the seventies. We passed it around in college. Once you read it you had to buy a copy, highlight some of your favorite bits and give it away. Basically, a Messiah is training his replacement. He gives him a handbook only the pages are empty, except when he opens it, he finds answers."

"I think you can do that with anything. Even a newspaper." This was turning into another one of those great conversations like music and movies. I knew it would.

She was nodding quickly, "Me too. It is full of short insights. My favorite is "You're never given a wish without the power to make it come true. You might have to work on it, however." It's a faux Christian eastern religion self-help novel."

I laughed, "That's great."

"Yeah, we'd get high at frat parties and talk in Illusion and movie quotes." She snorted laugh.

"Did you break into the pantry for snacks like we did?"

"Of course. Always cheese."

I was amused by the thought of Emma as a grunge loving stoned psuedo intellectual. Made me remember my days as an 80's music loving stoned theater major space nerd. College was fun.

Back to books. "What's your guilty pleasure reading?"

"This is my Jessie's Girl." We shared a smile. "I love paranormal romance."

"Paranormal romance? "I repeated." Ghosts and shit?"

"Oh no. Vampires, dragons, shapeshifters."

I couldn't hide my smile, "Way worse than Jessie's Girl."

She glared at me, "It's close."

Her glare turned to a smile then a laugh and I had to hug her. I wanted to hold on to the moment, take in how much fun this was. The conversation, the teasing. She felt like an old friend I'd just met. Only with a lot more sexual attraction. The kind that had me noticing how every curve of her body was pressed against me. Had me wanting to run my hands on top of her clothes before moving underneath them. Wishing she'd slide her hand under my shirt so I could feel her touch my skin.

I took a step back, "Hit me with the details."

She laughed again, "There's two series I love. Some variation of a testosterone filled alpha male who thinks he's rescuing a woman who ends up being his soulmate and saves him. One is grounded is Greek mythology and finding his mate can literally free his soul and the other creates its own mythology. One or both always have a heartbreaking past, there's something they have to go through, and then the happy ending. They're well written and incredibly satisfying."

"Do you believe in that?"

She drew her eyebrows together, "Happily ever after?"

I shook my head, "Soulmates."

Emma looked at the ceiling, screwed up her face, then looked back at me. "The chickenshit answer is people come into our lives for a reason and go away when they’ve served their purpose."

I wasn't so sure. "Not necessarily chickenshit."

"I meant the safe answer.” She bit her lip and continued, “I do believe in soulmates. But I don't think there's necessarily one person for anyone. A soulmate a twenty might be different than a soulmate at forty. People change and grow, so it makes sense your perfect partner might not stay perfect. You can grow together or grow in different directions.  I'm a hopeful romantic."

I liked that. "I think some people use the concept of soulmate to not work for it. It takes a lot of work and vulnerability to be with another person. Hell, to be with yourself. It's hard to be honest with yourself sometimes, forget about laying yourself bare to another person." I shook my head, not believing the strange direction this had gone. "I'm not always that brave."

We'd gone from laughter to this intensely intimate place. I'm talking about how difficult it can be to be vulnerable, which is a very vulnerable thing to do. Maintaining eye contact was hard.

"Everyone struggles with being brave.”

The matter of fact way she spoke reminded me of the gym when we were talking about insecurities. This was the second time I’d shared something and she didn’t try to convince me I was wrong. She accepted what I’d said as true for me. She’d accepted me. Well, now, there’s a thing. I smiled. “I think it’s about finding someone you’re ok being afraid with and is brave enough to be afraid too."

Slowly she started to smile, “Awfully deep conversation we’re having.”

“No shit! How the fuck did we get here?”  I shook my head and laughed. “I think we were talking about Jessie’s Girl.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” She joined in laughing before learning forward to lay her forehead on my shoulder.

I put my hand on the back of her neck and leaned my head against hers.

[mymelancholiesblues]

about the fandom things, I want to ask from different fandom :) 1. Harry Potter fandom 2. RE: Aeon Cannot think for number 3, so I guess that's all. Thanks

Harry Potter (books, not the film adaptations since I stopped enjoying those after the third one):

– Favorite character: Luna Lovegood. I read Philosopher’s Stone when I was like… 9, I guess? And CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP immediately after as I devoured those books as soon as I finished PS. So, when HBP was launched in 2005, and then DH in 2007, I was already one of the anxious fans waiting for the saga’s conclusion. I never revisited it, though – but as a child (and later, pre-teen) I always felt some sort of peer pressure from the fandom to love Hermione the most – and ok, I do adore her –, but when I think back to what I thought and felt when I was reading the books, the character that always made me excited for her appearances, lines and overall participation was Luna;

– Least Favorite character: Draco Malfoy. God, his type of character just annoys the livin’ fuck out of me. The spoiled mean brat and dirty coward who can easily serve as an allegory for the I-have-a-problem-with-drugs rich teen. As one TV Tropes editor put it, “an unrepentant Upper-Class Twit Dirty Coward school bully”. Hahahaha, I just… despise this character;

– 5 Favorite Ships (canon or non-canon): Hinny, Romione, Snily, Ronks and Marthur;

– Character I find most attractive: Harry! I think book!Harry’s personality kinda shaped my interests in men? Hahaha I have a huge weakness for the “Socially Awkward”, “Brilliant, but Lazy”, “Heart of Gold” and “Hot-Blooded” type. Actually, my boyfriend is exactly this type of guy lol;

– Character I would marry: Ginny, probably? But like, she and Harry are my bisexual dream;

– Character I would be best friends with: Hermione and Luna since they remind me a bit of my real life best friends (Natane and Isabela);

– A random thought: Rowling could’ve been more creative with the next generation’s names? That “let’s name all of our children after dead relatives and lost beloved ones” trend that she influenced in fandom is… bad;

– An unpopular opinion: I wish J. K. Rowling could just shut up already and let this franchise have its deserved rest. Also: movies 4 to 7 are bad, but The Cursed Child and FBAWTFT are like AWFUL and I wish they never had the chance to exist in the first place;

– My canon OTP: Hinny;

– My non-canon OTP: Sirius Black & Happiness;

– Most Badass Character: I’d say Hermione since she’s the one responsible for coming up with the solutions for most of the narrative conflicts, but I honestly think it’s a tie between her and Ginny (both of them are truly awesome);

– Most Epic Villain: Bellatrix Lestrange. Name a more iconic and plainly HATEFUL female villain in this saga, I’ll wait;

– Pairing I am not a fan of: Harmony or anything with Draco;

– Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I don’t think Rowling did this to any of her main characters in the original saga? Maybe Lupin and Tonks deserved better, but oh well;

– Favourite Friendship: Fred and George Weasley;

– Character I most identify with: I don’t think there’s one in Harry Potter?? 

– Character I wish I could be: Nymphadora Tonks! I truly dug that Metamorphmagus shit.

Aeon

– When I started shipping them: In 2002, when I played RE2 for the first time in N64. I was eight years old, barely understood English, but something in the way Leon jumped in front of that bullet to save her just… struck me;

– My thoughts: I actually think A LOT about those two, so I have plenty to fill into that question, it’s better if you check my Aeon fandom tag to get a more comfortable and organized sneek peek in my thoughts for them.

– What makes me happy about them: The circularity in their relationship, their devotion towards one another (teaming up, saving each other’s asses), the fact that almost 15 years later they still CLEARLY love and pine for each other;

– What makes me sad about them: That they can’t be together in a conventional style? Like, settle down and stuff;

– Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Oh man, there surely is a lot. But most of those things are related to the distortions fandom is prone to make concerning Ada’s characterization. Like portraying her as if she’s some sort of psychopath or sociopath – incapable of empathy or completely lacking remorse, and that Leon just picked her interests for some alien kink reasoning??? Oftentimes Ada is perceived as a pure play of the Dragon Lady trope, not taking into consideration that her characterization throughout this franchise averted the stereotypes associated with that trope SEVERAL times – by the way, let’s be frank here, in most cases people don’t want Leon with Ada not because Leon and Claire would be healthier, but because Claire is white like him, so, automatically morally more worthy of him, and there you go, I spilt the tea. Ah, and that trend of infantilizing Leon, portraying him as some sort of pure-naïve-and-tame Manchild – god, this just kills me. This incapacity to understand that even though this character is good and nice and lovable, he’s also more complex than that and have agency in this fuckin’ narrative?

– Things I look for in fanfic: The author avoiding those things I hate that I just mentioned it’s good enough, but what really makes me go all !!!!! in fanfiction is when the author… detours? a bit of the usual “Leon and Ada can’t be together because of their jobs, circumstances, worldviews, blablabla” – like, I know that already man (and really I LOVE IT), but give me some fluffy and introspection now and then for a change, I don’t know. Show me their love only, without the drama, y'know? Some good examples of what I’m talking about are “sometimes i still feel the bruise” and “a fool for you”, both by by tenienteross (she’s great, go read everything she wrote for them ASAP);

– My wishlist: I don’t really have one because Capcom always delivers a very good job in portraying and further developing their relationship, hahahaha, I’m a very spoiled fan in that sense, BUT… I think one more on-screen kiss? Maybe?;

– Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: No one. And that goes for both. These two couldn’t get over each other for the past FIFTEEN YEARS or so and then suddenly Leon ends up married with kids with someone else? This sounds dumb and I hate it, so no thanks. If Capcom wanted to convince me that Leon could settle with someone else, they should’ve done this when Leon wasn’t getting to his early 40s.

– My happily ever after for them: A situation that mirrors RE2 in the sense that they have to survive a similar outbreak, one more nightmare, and they partner up for it – but now it’s so different from all those years ago, they’re much more comfortable around each other, their bantering and flirting sounds a lot more like that of a married couple, they’re older and more experienced and mature and in the end, when they’re about to have to choose each other again and then part ways because they know that’s what it has to happen (because they can and they do always choose one another, but staying together is more than what they bargained for), Leon asks for her to stay. Out loud. She replies to this by smiling lightly and saying that she thinks she’s done contributing to her job and think it’s time to be closed for business. We see Leon smiling, peacefully, as the scene fades to white.

[thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am]

😏 I am here to spam, friend. 1. “I am not here to kill you! I’m here for bread!”

Blackhill, can be considered a companion piece to yesterday’s prompt (because of the claws and claw marks metaphore, but doesn’t need to be read to read this or viceversa (can you tell I’m into weird metaphore and dark stuff lately?) Enjoy! (also if someone knows why Tumblr keeps fucking up my spacing on mobile please lemme know cause it makes me wanna cry)

Maria ison medical leave when it happens. Two weeks mandatory leave until herarm has healed properly, so the doctor said. She’s at the grocerystore two blocks away from her apartment and this is too close for itto be a coincidence, for her to be here by mistake.

They sayBlack Widow likes to set her traps, likes to act like the creaturewhose name she’s made her own, likes to arrange a web and wait forher prey to fall into it all on their own so that, really, they onlyhave themselves to blame for being so reckless, they have to shareher blame and guilt in their own demise.

When Mariaspots her, in that grocery store, there might as well be web threadsscattered all around her, because there is no doubt this is where shefalls into a trap.

She hasher gun aimed between Black Widow’s eyes before the woman even fullyturns to her, her left hand is steady but it’s still her weak handand she’s sure she doesn’t stand a chance if the Black Widow came forher, not with her broken wing.

“Youcame here to kill me, in a grocery store, while I’m on medical leave?That’s low, even for you,” she sees green eyes look in surprise atthe barrel of her gun, then travel up, up, up until they meet her ownand recognition finally reaches them.

Her handsslowly go up. “I’m not here to kill you! I’m here for bread!” Sheslightly shakes the hand that’s holding a loaf of it.

Mariascoffs and keeps her gun steady, trying to decide what to do next.

“Hard tobelieve Red Room sent you grocery shopping.”

“I don’twork with them anymore.”

“Hard tobelieve that, too.”

Sheshrugs, then throws the bread in Maria’s general direction. She hasthe gun in one hand and the other is held against her torso by hersling, so her only option is to duck and lose sight of Black Widowfor all of two seconds. That’s all it takes for her to disappear intothin air.

The nextsixteen hours, Maria barely breaths. She thinks about calling Fury,calling for back-up, or just going to the Triskelion and lock herselfup in her office until she’s sure New York is safe again. But shewon’t let fear win. So she waits it out.

Sureenough, Black Widow finds her apartment easily, breaking in throughthe window like Maria Hill doesn’t live on the fifth floor of abuilding with no fire escape stairs. Maria has been waiting, gun inhand, her right arm sore since she’s stopped taking painkillers, buther mind is already clearer.

Mariadoesn’t need to ask why her and why now; Black Widow’s an assassin,but she’s also a hacker and it wouldn’t be too hard to know she’s onleave and in New York. With her right arm out of order. Then again,of all the things they don’t know about Natalia Romanova they do knowsomething for sure, she never had a taste for mercy. Maria’s an easytarget and Black Widow doesn’t miss.

“I’m nothere to kill you.”

Mariadoesn’t believe her.

“I’mhere to surrender myself.”

Mariadoesn’t believe that, either. But she knows that there’s no other wayout for her but lowering her gun and taking Black Widow where shewants to be taken, she knows nobody has ever survived her if shehadn’t want them to. Her skin feels sticky when she gets up andgestures with her gun to the door, motioning for the other woman towalk ahead of her, like she just walked into a spider web face first.

When shewas little, so young she barely remembered it, she found a small birdwith a broken wing in her backyard, she brought it to her grandmotherand asked her to help her fix him. She took him to a vet, had hiswing set, fed him water through a dropper, loved him instantly andimmensely. Her grandmother told her not to get attached, becausebirds were not meant to be kept in cages. The bird healed, then flewaway unevenly, his wing not quite the same it had been before,mindless to the fact that Maria still loved him.

That’swhat happens when a cat hunts, when he takes a bite of you. You’renever quite the same you had been before. But you fly, if thealternative is staying in a cage.

Maria hadtried to convince her grandmother to keep him; she named him Charlieand loved him even though her grandma said she shouldn’t. She couldnot bring herself to keep him in a cage, but she cried when he flewaway.

Shewondered if birds loved cats, if they got too close sometimes and itwas just a cat’s nature to make a prey out of them because of theircuriosity. She wondered if humans were like that sometimes, too.

Marialoved her father, even though she shouldn’t have. She learned quicklyhow to adapt to cages and broken wings and how some humans werehunters by nature.

Marialoved picking fights, the taste of lemon liquor, and motorcycles. Hergrandmother was right; she had always loved things she shouldn’thave.

She neverquite liked cats, never learned how to love their ways of coming andgoing, never knew that love sometimes doesn’t mean staying, that itcan mean coming back.

NatashaRomanoff is dangerous and hard and the last thing Maria should everlearn to do is love her. She learns it anyway.

NatashaRomanoff comes and goes, like a cat, and is sometimes gone for weeks.She doesn’t love Maria back, but that is not a problem and kind offoregone. Maria plays the prey part well, knows when to let herselfget caught and when to run away, and Natasha keeps chasing her likethere’s nothing else in the world worth a second glance until she’sgot her.

There’srumors and labels thrown around S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters: BlackWidow is a sociopath; Black Widow is a psychopath; Black Widow is afrail girl in desperate need of saving; Black Widow is a story, alegend and nothing more, Natasha Romanoff just wears her mask well.Maria knows these to be lies, some more than others.

NatashaRomanoff enters her apartment through the window, even when shedoesn’t have to, because she doesn’t like to knock and get invitedin, rather she chooses where to be and when. She shows affection withno words but just by being there, like a cat. Maybe, Maria thinks ona night she’s feeling particularly honest with herself, there is noaffection at all to be shown. Natasha likes to use her, likes the wayMaria makes her feel human, likes the way Maria is inclined to give,give, give until there’s nothing left to gift. She likes how Mariahates people but likes her, lets her get away with things she neverwould stand in someone else.

Natashaisn’t sure she can even feel love. What she can feel, especially whenthey’re in a state of undress that makes it blatantly obvious Mariais completely disarmed, is the distinct lack of the urge to get ridof her. She usually gets that with everyone she has to spend morethan ten minutes with, she prefers to be on her own. But Maria isokay, kind of. She doesn’t hate having her close by, she has grown tobarely dislikes the look in her eyes when Maria looks at her, and shesometimes even likes to stay after they have sex for no other reasonbut the soothing rhythm of another human being’s heart – notMaria’s, she tells herself, just any heart. She wonders if she’slying to herself, but decides she doesn’t care.

Mariashouldn’t get attached to her, shouldn’t fall in love with stickyhands from the webs around her, shouldn’t be indifferent to the factthat, if this is a trap, she’s already fallen in it a long timebefore.

She fallsin love slowly but immensely, with the constant knowledge that,unavoidable as it is, Natasha can’t love her back.

Mariacan’t bring herself to care, or to stop.

For a longtime, Maria doesn’t trust Natasha further than her hand can reach.She waits for the trap to snap, she waits for the fallback. Theyunravel together, trust can only work that way, they learn how to bedefenseless with each other and it’s recharging, those walls theykeep up are exhausting.

Natashahas a cat, pitch black, named Liho. Maria hates her and the cat hatesMaria, they avoid each other as much as possible, until one nightMaria sees her staring at her from the floor while she’s pouring aglass of water and decides to squat down and holds her hand up. Lihosniffs it with disinterest, then gives it a tentative lick. She gnawsat Maria’s fingers, then tries to catch one between her paws whenMaria wiggles them.

When sherises after a couple of minutes, her palm as a small scratch and abite mark. She wonders if maybe she had it wrong all this time, ifmaybe it’s cats who love birds and sometimes get too close and end uphurting them because they have no other way to love them.

Thatthought hurts her a little and she feels a sadness she can’t explain.

Natashalikes that Maria doesn’t hold the fact that she can’t love her backagainst her. It makes her feel guilty, sometimes, that she can’t giveher that, that she can’t love Maria the way Maria seems to love her.On her part, Maria is careful never to say it and to only show itwhen it can’t be helped.

Natashaknows it stings, it harshly tugs something inside Maria that she’snever let anyone reach before, she knows she’s leaving claw marks allover Maria’s heart, but she can’t help it; this is the only way sheknows how to be with her.

It’sunfair.

She triesto cut her own claws off. Gives Maria a key to her apartment, keepslemon liquor – she hates it, hates the taste of it, hates the veryidea of it – next to her favorite vodka in her cabinet, she letsMaria leave stuff, bit by bit, until her things are scatteredthorough Natasha’s place, she tries not to hurt her anymore.

Mariadoesn’t seem overly concerned. She never asks Natasha to love herback, to hold her hand or stupid stuff like that, to tell theirfriends they’ve been seeing each other for months, for over a year atthis point.

She letsNatasha take, take, take, up until the day Natasha starts giving.Giving her a key, space, liquor, giving her anything she can think ofgiving Maria so she can be as content as Natasha feels on the nightsshe gets to sleep with Maria’s heartbeat under her ear.

One time,Maria mentions wanting to learn how to brew beer and Natasha signsthem up for a class, giving as the only explanation: “Anything youwant, I can get it for you.”

Marialooks at her funny, she knows Natasha means that she can get anythingfor her in lieu of loving her back, but she also knows, Clint is likea brother to her and he once asked her to borrow five bucks andNatasha laughed in his face, insulted capitalism, and left him withan empty stomach and the knowledge she didn’t like to take care ofothers like she didn’t care when others took care of her.

The thingis, Natasha takes care of Maria in every single way she can.

Mariaknows it before her, maybe that’s why she never asks anything of her,she never asks to be loved back.

One day,she just points at Natasha’s chest after she spent an hour cookingMaria’s favorite dish, and tells her: “That thing that makes you dothis kind of stuff, listen to that thing and tell me it’s notscreaming love.”

Natashascoffs, but listens carefully. That thing inside her has no claws,doesn’t hurt, doesn’t take but likes to give. That thing inside her,if she indulges it, will fill up her whole body with its warmth andstrength. That thing has no reason to be there, but it is,nonetheless. Natasha wonders for how long Maria has known Natashaloved her, how long she could hear it from inside her chest, whenNatasha refused to hear it herself.

Natashadidn’t walk inside that grocery shop to kill her, wasn’t there to seta trap. Maria fell into it anyway.

[shoujosoulsearching]

Mars, AKA The Shoujo Manga with Too Much Emotional Baggage for One Woman to Carry

SPOILER WARNING!!!

The Roman god of war, Mars, was said to love violence and conflict--he was known as the embodiment of bloodthirst. Unlike his Greek counterpart Ares, however, who was considered to be more destructive in nature, Mars was seen as more of a protector, a bringer of peace.

With a title like Mars, one has to wonder what side of the Roman god is going to be showcased in the story: the bloodthirsty divine or the righteous guardian? For a shoujo manga, you’d expect it to go the latter, but upon reading Fuyumi Souryo’s fifteen-volume teenage melodrama, the answer to that question turns out to be much more complicated than you think.

The actual story itself has nothing to do with the literal god named Mars--he’s only explicitly shown in the first volume as a statue, which our playboy prince charming, Rei Kashino, approaches and kisses on the mouth. Kira Aso, our introverted and artistic leading lady, is infatuated with this sight and asks Rei to become a model for her to sketch during her free time. From that moment onwards, their relationship blossoms, and they both bring out things in each other that would have never been brought to the surface if they had never met.

While it has its fair amount of stereotypes what sets Mars apart from its contenders is the way the main couple is portrayed. Rei and Kira are individually appealing characters, and their qualities are only enhanced as they grow closer throughout the story.

Our leading man Rei is the first character that truly jumps off the page from the get-go. A motorcycle-riding playboy who couldn’t care less about school, Rei’s a boy with deep-rooted issues and a devil-may care attitude. He has an unmeasurable sense of justice, and while he has a sense of morality, he won’t always uphold it when the situation tests him. If he gets a bad feeling from someone, he will immediately turn to hostility--but only when the event pertains to something he wants, or something he cares about. He understands what the “right” thing to do is, but he doesn’t care. As long as he isn’t stopped by Kira or someone else’s plea, he will fix the problem in a way that satisfies him.

This type of violent behavior would usually be associated with a sociopath, but upon further inspection that turns out to not be the case. Most of Rei’s questionable actions come from a post-conventional reasoning, and it’s apparent that whenever he acts out it’s because he’s either been deeply hurt by something in the past or he’s afraid to lose what he cherishes in the present. I’m not at all justifying his actions, but the point is that Rei has never been a true monster, and whatever monstrous aspects he had to him were eventually blurred away by Kira (who was the first person to ever love him that wasn’t incredibly toxic.)

The main difference between a sociopath like Masao Kirishima and someone like Rei, is that Rei is just a teenager who’s been hurt one too many times and only knows how to self medicate using violence. He had never been policed for his actions in a proper way. As we learn in the last volume, his memories were altered during his time in the psychiatric ward to lessen his trauma. Once you look beyond his blunt and aggressive exterior, Rei is the most genuine character in the entire series. He’s just a teenage boy that’s been through too much hardship that he never deserved, and was never emotionally mature enough to handle all of it. He’s rightfully angry at the world--until he meets Kira.

It took time for our heroine to shine like her male counterpart did, but a few volumes in, Kira becomes a show-stopping character. Originally an immovable introvert only interested in painting and nothing else, Kira grows into her own loving, hopeful person. One of the things I appreciated the most about Mars was it’s portrayal of mental illness--nothing is never outwardly said, but it’s obvious that Kira had been going through not only anxiety but a deep, dark depression she can’t bring herself back from. The way Kira thought about death, the way she always put others needs before her own, etc, made her real and relatable to me on a personal level. I’ve had those same issues my entire life, and seeing Kira slowly and surely come into her own throughout each volume wasn’t just satisfying, was inspiring.

The most tantalizing reveal about Kira and why she acts the way she does is when we learn that she was raped by her stepfather in middle school. Not only did she start isolating herself after the incident, she began to live in her head, where a more sinister, damaged and unhinged Kira would imagine killing herself and those around her. This is an extremely serious subject to dive into--and Mars doesn’t cover up the darkness behind it. It’s not romanticized, it’s ugly and depressing, and the worst part is that we never get the feeling that Kira will ever fully recover from it. Yes, she learns to become intimate with Rei because she trusts him--but it’s implied that in the deepest, darkest parts of her soul, that horrible memory will continue to live on.

The first thing that struck me, and my favorite aspect of the entire series, was how genuine the relationship between Rei and Kira felt--several times in the story there’d be a break where they would just talk, and not talk as in they’d tell each other things that would move the plot forward, or with a clear purpose in mind--they have actual conversations. They talk about each other’s hobbies, about their existential crises, things that actual teenagers talk to each other about. With every heart-to-heart comes another glimpse into who these two are as people, and it becomes apparent that they cherish and remember every word they say to each other. It’s clear that these two characters grow because of each other, and turn one another into the best versions of themselves. They’re honest and authentic with each other in ways only adolescents can be. As two teenagers who’ve never had anyone to be their shoulder to cry on, their relationship just feels right, and their marriage at the end of the series is one of the most wholesome and satisfying things I’ve read in a shoujo manga.

Up until now I’ve sung praises to Mars for the two main characters and their dynamic, but unfortunately, besides a few exceptions, the rest of the characters in the series are either uninteresting, unlikable or just straight up garbage human beings. To keep it short, just seeing Shiori, Kurosawa or Harumi on every panel would get me peeved. Masao Kirishima was the last straw for me, however; once I got deep enough into his arc I ended up putting down the series for a few days, because I couldn’t stand his presence (not to mention the ONLY canonically LGBT character just HAD to be an evil psychopath who wanted to kill people for pleasure…..REALLY……) but I’ll throw in a head-canon saying that these characters only exist for me to appreciate the main couple more (which it did) so I could look over it.

By far Mars’ biggest problem is it’s tone. Soap operas can be fun, don’t get me wrong, and there are plenty of times where Mars gets it right--but also plenty of times where it becomes overbearing. The series was probably best to read week by week when it was being released in Bessatsu Friend magazine; it’s not hard to imagine Souryo stuffing in enough melodrama in each chapter before it’s release in order to keep reader’s interest. Marathon-reading it is very much a different experience. And it doesn’t help that It’s clear that this is a product of its time. A lot of popular shoujo manga in the 90s tended to stretch the drama, i.e. the insane level of bullying, the evil side characters insisting on keeping the main couple apart, etc.

Using an example from Mars, Rei reveals he used to have a brother, who is actually dead, and when Kira asks how he died, before Rei can answer, a man jumps off a building and the police are called. Rei has a panic attack after seeing this, and it’s implied that his brother died from suicide. Then, we go back to the high school where it’s revealed that a character named Kurosawa also attempted suicide, and is currently getting treatment. Then Rei and Kira go out on a date. ALL IN ONE CHAPTER. If you got exhausted reading that, try reading that page-to-page in one sitting. It was entertaining, sure, but it took me out of the immersion every now and again.

I can shit on these aspects as much as I want, but without them, Mars wouldn’t be Mars. It’s apart of its charm, in an odd way, and it only enhances everything the series does right. At times, it’s as if Mars is drowning you in it’s depressing conflict and weighing you down with it’s emotional baggage, enjoying every second of your agony--but in the end it always comes back around, making wrongs rights and surprising you with its tenderness. That’s why I think this manga has the perfect title. I doubt Fuyumi Souryo intended for this, but in its own roundabout way, I believe Mars is an allegory for the Roman god, and a good one that you definitely shouldn’t miss out on. 

And I’m giving this one a STAR rating.

(Check out my other manga analyses here, and my standards here.)

(Follow me on twitter @/choerrychrist)

[eldritchsurveys]

974.

ACH

Do you listen to anything by Bach?  >> I have heard some of his music, but I don’t have anything of his added to my Liked Songs on Spotify or anything.

ASH

Do you like ash trees? >> I had to look up which trees are ash trees, tbh. I recognised white ash immediately -- there are a lot of those on the East Coast. I like trees in general, so sure, I like ash trees well enough.

Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet?  >> No.

How often do you feel like you want to bash your head against a wall?  >> I usually feel like that when I’m in a shame spiral or having an overload meltdown. I try my best not to do it, though; it’s not a good habit, even if it feels good in the moment.

Has anyone ever thrown you a big birthday bash?  >> Nope.

Do you know anyone who is brash?  >> Not at this time of my life.

Do you typically carry cash or a credit/debit card?  >> I carry a debit card. I rarely have cash on hand.

Have you ever crashed someone else’s party before?  >> No, that doesn’t sound like something I’d enjoy doing.

Have you ever been involved in a car crash?  >> No.

Do you use Door Dash?  >> This is funny because Sparrow, who is on her teletherapy call, just mentioned Doordash a literal few seconds before I got to this question lol. Anyway, yeah, we use Doordash sometimes.

How often do you use a dash in your writing?  >> I use dashes to the point of madness, tbh. I love dashes.

Last place you made a mad dash to?  >> I don’t remember.

Do you make it a habit to flash people?  >> Absolutely not.

Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera?  >> I rarely use flash, it always makes photos look terribly washed out and unnatural and just bad. I’ll futz around with the lighting in an area or just wait until broad daylight before I use flash.

Is the Flash one of your favorite superheroes?  >> No.

Do you use the phrase “I’ll be back in a flash”?  >> I’ve never said that.

Have you ever had a gash in your head before? Anywhere else on your body? >> I’ve had a gash on my face before, and I’ve had plenty of them on my body because I was a chronic self-injurer.

Do you like hash browns?  >> I do.

Do you do hash?  >> No.

How often do you use hash tags?  >> I don’t use hashtags because I don’t use twitter or any site like that. Tumblr doesn’t really use them like that.

Do you have long eyelashes?  >> I don’t think they’re any longer than average.

How often do you lash out at others? For what reasons?  >> Not often, now, because I’m not usually forced to be around other people when I’m struggling. If I’m in sensory overload or am mentally tired, I usually can just go to my room and chill. But there have been times in recent memory when I’ve been in an unfamiliar city on vacation or something and I didn’t have that space to just go and decompress, and I’ve lashed out at people.

Do you like mashed potatoes?  >> I don’t. Smashed potatoes are all right, I suppose, but I’d still rather have a roasted or fried potato.

Do you typically gnash your teeth together?  >> No. I catch myself clenching my jaw sometimes, probably a stress response or just holding tension in the body. But I don’t gnash my teeth.

Do you know someone who speaks balderdash?  >> No?

What color is the backsplash of your kitchen? >> It’s just white.

Have you ever had any rashes before? What kinds?  >> Yeah, I had ringworm as a child and I vaguely remember having hives once. In summer as an adolescent I used to get like a heatrash on the back of my neck. In recent years I’ve developed something that -- thanks to some fancy googling -- I learned is called lichen nitidus, which is apparently benign but can be annoying when it flares up.

Do you typically make rash decisions?  >> Not typically. But it happens sometimes.

Have you ever worn a sash before? >> I don’t think so.

Do you often find that your personality clashes with others’ around you? >> I don’t think so. I mean, sometimes I feel that way, but I could be exaggerating people’s responses to me out of just... you know, past history haunting me or whatever. I think most of the time my interactions with others are more unremarkable than anything else. There are definitely people I clash with, but it’s usually not too dramatic of an experience.

Whose tires would you like to slash?  >> No one’s.

Who would you like to smash with?  >> No one.

What was the last thing you smashed out of anger?  >> I don’t remember the last time I did that, thankfully. It used to be a bigger problem when I was younger, but I’m slowly learning other, less destructive coping mechanisms. 

Do you have a secret stash of something hidden anywhere?  >> No.

How often do you take out the trash?  >> Every couple of days or so.

Has anyone ever told you that you look like trash? >> Probably.

Do you like to splash in the pool, the bathtub, or in puddles?  >> No.

Have you ever thrashed violently before? What was the cause?  >> Yeah. I was having a drug-induced episode. There are probably other times, too, especially when I was younger, but I don’t remember any right now.

Do you own and use an eyelash curler?  >> No.

Have you ever experienced backlash from others?  >> I mean, sure.

Have you ever had whiplash before?  >> No.

ATH

Do you prefer a shower or a bath?  >> Shower, I never use baths.

Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before?  >> No.

How good are you at math?  >> Any basic maths I can do just fine. I don’t study any complex forms of mathematics, so of course I can’t do those.

Do you feel like your life is on the right path?  >> It’s on whatever path it’s on.

Are there any bike paths or footpaths in your area?  >> Yeah.

Have you ever gone on the warpath before?  >> I don’t think so.

Is there a birdbath in your yard?  >> No yard.

Have you ever had a footbath before?  >> Yeah.

What’s the last thing you’ve had to deal with the aftermath of?  >> I’m not sure.

Have you ever witnessed a bloodbath?  >> No.

Are you a sociopath or a psychopath? Do you know anyone who might be?  >> I’m not, no. I know people who have been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

Who’s the last person that you faced the wrath of?  >> I don’t remember.

AMP

Do you have an instrument that you plug into an amp?  >> No.

When’s the last time you felt amped up? What was the reason?  >> I don’t remember. That’s not a common mood for me.

Have you ever gone to day camp or overnight sleepaway camp?  >> Yeah, I went to day camp a couple of times and I went to sleepaway church camp once as a teenager. I’ve been to several sleepaway camps as an adult, too. Those were way more fun.

When’s the last time you felt like a champ?  >> ???

Last time it was damp where you lived?  >> I don’t remember. We did have frost this morning, though? Way too early, in my opinion, but whatever.

Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp?  >> I don’t think I’ve had any weird cramps. Just regular charley horses and such.

Do you refer to your grandfather as “Gramps”?  >> ---

Have you ever worn a headlamp before?  >> No.

Do you have a ramp anywhere in your house? >> No.

Has anyone ever called you “scamp” before?  >> No.

How many lamps are in the room you’re in? >> Three, but only one is on right now.

Do you stamp your feet when you are angry?  >> No.

Last time you used a postage stamp?  >> Probably when I sent out Christmas cards to internet buddies a couple of years back. I might do it again this year... people could probably use the extra cheer after this hell year.

Are there streetlamps on your street? What time do they turn on?  >> I live in a complex, and there are lamps on the garages and a few on the drives through the complex.

Last place/area that you wanted to revamp?  >> My room -- well, mostly I wanted to clean it and put some stuff in different places and stuff. So I did.

Do you know anyone who is a tramp?  >> No.

Have you seen Lady and the Tramp before?  >> No.

Do you know anyone with a “tramp stamp”?  >> No. If I knew someone with a lower back tattoo, I wouldn’t call it a tramp stamp anyway, because it sounds disrespectful.

AWK/AULK/ALK

Is the squawk of certain birds annoying? Which ones? >> Sure. I don’t know what birds make what noises, though. I think bluejays probably make one of the obnoxious squawks.

Do you prefer hawks or falcons? And…why?  >> I don’t have a preference between the two.

Has anyone ever watched you like a hawk before?  >> Probably. Unfortunately.

What was the last thing you used caulk on?  >> I’ve never used caulk. That sounds like something a homeowner would use, heh.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[i-dated-a-psychopath]

How Abuse Caused Me to Become Physically Disabled (Part 1)

Note: I am still revising and re-editing my story. People who suffer from PTSD from abuse suffer from “dissociation” which is a way of dissociating from painful emotions or memories, which makes the actual abuse/events extremely hard to talk about. Victims can usually only “connect” with what happened to them in small pieces, as a series of vignettes in the form of emotional flashbacks. I hid the abuse and was in denial of it for so long, at this point in my recovery (a year ago, when I wrote this) I was less able to reconnect with the actual abuse events (such as his stalking and assaulting me) and so chose to focus only on the things that seemed “off” to me about his behavior and our relationship. Thus, this draft is less about the abuse itself but the controlling behaviors that predated and accompanied it; along with my feelings about the insidious control I was experiencing. I Assessment and Mirroring In October of 2008 I went to the Job Corps. In December of that year I met my ex, Michael D-- . I thought he was a bit goofy at first; but he was very attractive, charming, and reminded me of one of my favorite rock stars (in spite of being unable to sing or play a guitar); so I soon fell madly in love with him. It took a while to be honest, I was a virgin, from a small town where the graduating class was only about 20 people and it was my first real romantic-relationship. He was very sweet to me, he said all the right things, told me I was "the most beautiful woman in the world", that he had the same values as me; that he wanted to wait to have sex until marriage, have children, ect. Basically mirrored what my dream-man would be. (I found out later that that was a tactic that narcissistic /psychopathic abusers use to take advantage of and control their victims, called “assessment and mirroring” [Source: http://datingasociopath.com/sociopa...]) but he was a good liar. He asked me out on Valentine's Day, (after we had known each other for about two months) and he was really sweet about it. He bought me a dozen red roses, and hung out outside the Valentine’s Day dance with me, (because I was too shy to go inside). I was really hesitant because for me, it happened really fast. He was already talking about marriage and children when we had only known each other for a little more than two months. So basically the next night, I broke up with him. It was a really strangely painful thing to do. For two months we had become really close friends, he told me all his problems - That he suffered from panic attacks and cut himself after his first girlfriend broke up with him, and when his grandmother died; It endeared me to him, because I thought he was a really emotionally sensitive person. He told me he was sexually/emotionally abused by his father who would make him watch his brother have sex on the couch, in an effort to "teach" him about sex. That he was sexually confused because of that. I was, in contrast, severely emotionally withdrawn because I grew up with a heart-condition and with uncles and a father who physically and emotionally abused me. I had a very conservative Catholic/Christian and Military upbringing. My grandparents were Ex-Air Force and Ex-Military, and emotions (or rather showing or talking about emotions) were frowned upon. To be honest... I remember finding him physically attractive from the first moment he smiled at me... something about him seemed so pure and innocent; so different from any other man I’ve met. Although I found him attractive, he sort of weaseled his way into my life... I would always sit alone or with a couple of friends at meal-times, and at first he would just sit at the end of bench, hovering like a hungry bird. Soon... he would sit closer to me; eventually somehow he isolated me from all my friends and we sat alone together. I remember I liked someone else before him at the time, and I really did think he was a good friend. Later I found out he knew about my previous crush, and took proactive measures to discourage him... mostly by telling me my crush didn’t like me back; and being as sort of dark messenger between us; discouraging one and misleading the other. II Emotional Codependency I found his "openness" with his emotions refreshing and endearing, but also unnerving. Soon... anything I would tell him about my heart-condition, health, or that I had depression and that I once tried to take my own life and was in a coma; or the abuse I suffered was in some way “not as bad” as anything that he had been through. I believed him. Michael would tell me he was diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and was afraid of death. I told him death was nothing to worry about. That living in fear was the only death. That there was, "Nothing to fear but fear itself". It's sort of a hard thing to describe, but I was encouraged by how my confidence soothed him. I wanted to "take-care" of him. (I later found out that was also an aspect of sociopathic abuse, that narcissistic and psychopathic abusers often conspire to make their victims responsible for their emotions. [Source: http://outofthefog.website/what-not...]) That is the first strongest memory of our early relationship. The second was the first time I told him that I had a heart-condition. He told me, "I don't think a thing like that should happen to such a beautiful, sweet girl." It was just one line, but it’s the one thing that made me fall in love with him. I still felt like something was severely wrong; but, for the moment, that took away from my anxiety about the relationship. Even after everything he has said and done, to this day, I think of that as the reason why I fell in love with him; of why despite all evidence to the contrary, that he actually cared about me at one time. (If I was smarter/more experienced, I would have questioned or analyzed why he felt that way, but at the time I took it as a compliment, and as a sign that he was a compassionate person, or at least capable of feeling the pain of others.) The first time I tried to break up with him, was the night or the night after he asked me out; I went to his dorm after being encouraged by our mutual friends to apologize or explain to him why we broke up. I knew something was “off” about him and I didn’t know how to deal with it. He came out with tears in his eyes, and I sat with him all night until curfew out in the cold black night, while he cried on my shoulder. I stood firm in my position, but he asked if we could still be friends. I continued to stand firm, but he made me feel so guilty and bad. I felt like I had just killed a person. It was an unnaturally strong kind of guilt, not the kind of guilt you should feel for breaking up with someone you had only gone out with for one day. If I had known what I was dealing with then, then I would have asked for someone's help keeping him away from me; but I was naive and innocent. I felt so helpless I looked up into the stars and asked God what to do. It was from this moment on that I felt this intense, stabbing pain in my chest. An unnatural and unhealthy form of guilt that narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths place on their victims. He made me feel like I was evil for wanting to break up with him. It was only my first attempt to rid myself of him, and so that feeling that never went away was not yet fully formed. But the intention was clear: If you break up with me, you're abandoning me. (And I could never do that to another human-being.) At this point I didn’t know that he was an abuser, but believed he was truly a sensitive person who I had some duty to protect. It wasn’t until recently I realized that he wasn’t talking to me about death when we first met because he was afraid of it, or because he had GAD; but because he was trying to get me to open up to him to assess my fears. And how best to emotionally and psychologically destroy me. III Overvaluation and Devaluation The first time Michael was physically abusive towards me... was the day after our first breakup; an abusive episode that I write about extensively in an upcoming essay about repressed memories and PTSD. The assault was seemingly minor (all he did was grab my wrists and twist my arms) and so I didn’t recognize it as physical abuse when it was happening. Of course... in retrospect; it was a huge red flag, and I feel ashamed for not recognizing it as such; because the memory was so suppressed.. in my mind. Though not forgotten; not lost; simply denied as being significant enough to be considered physically abuse. I very much believed he cared for me deeply in the beginning... I didn’t want to believe Michael could or would be physically violent towards me. I honestly thought he did that because he loved me so much he didn’t want to lose me... We dated for a while, off and on. But for everyone who saw us together I put on a brave face. I was really shy and stoic, to the point that other people thought that I was a bit stuck-up, it was something I was really self-conscious about... before we were dating Michael used to make fun of me and said things like, “Oh, I’m so great and mighty...I’m too good for anyone...” pretending to be me. I thought it was funny and charming; but it made me feel a little uneasy. Michael would say severely sexually degrading things to me, in public, and in front of his friends. He would tell me how to wear my makeup, how I could wear my hair. He constantly compared me to other girls we knew, and to celebrities (both favorably and unfavorably.) He would grab me and make out with me in public, or in other risky situations, even though I told him repeatedly that it made me feel uncomfortable. He sexually abused me in ways that I didn’t know was abuse at the time, and seemed to be more about causing me emotional, moral, or psychological distress; than physical pain. I didn't think that was abuse until he wouldn't stop, and my discomfort seemed to egg him on. I got tired of being compared to celebrities, to other girls he knew, even to his mother and sister. I once compared him to my favorite musician, (the one I told him he reminded me of) when we were in a public place in the recreation center at the Job Corps, he wrestled me down and got on top of me, he said, “I’ll rape you until you love me.” I didn’t make that same mistake again, but I did make sure that I wasn’t alone with him. (In the four years we were together we were only alone together about 4 times.) I thought that his intense jealousy meant that he cared about me. I told my friends what happened and they acted like it was a joke. I felt intimidated but not afraid, he needed me. The intimidation didn’t just revolve around my virginity/sexuality, or the way I looked but my core values and sense of morality. He said degenerate things about homeless people and people in need (generally when he was trying to gauge a reaction from me) He told me long, sexually vulgar or violent stories to shock me, intimidate me, and to create a reaction, that at the time I chalked up to immaturity, (that “all guys say things like that” or I was being “too sensitive”) but I felt went deeper than that. He made me watch violent videos about animals being killed or killing each other, or violent fighting videos were one or both parties became physically injured. I found myself having to explain basic human emotions to him. None of these actions seemed like much isolated, but when put together they were like pieces of a puzzle proving his lack of empathy, violent nature, and sadism. But they were all things that made me want to get away from him. We broke up, on and off too. Every time he did something that made me feel guilty, ashamed, or deeply uncomfortable I tried to get away. I tried to break up with him. They were red flags, and every time I saw a red flag I trusted my instincts and ran. The strange effect these comparisons and compliments, and emotional and sexual abuse had on me is that although I desperately wanted to get free of the relationship; I couldn’t stand the idea of him devaluing me, or finding me useless, or unattractive. It’s a part of abuse that’s about isolating and controlling victims or making them feel uneasy, the first stage of a process called “idealize, discard, and devalue.” I was irrationally, and simultaneously trying to get away from him; while seeking his validation and approval. And for a long time I thought it was my fault. It wasn’t until after we broke up for good that I realized the things he said to me didn’t have anything to do with my hair or makeup, or my body or appearance, but about control. He wouldn’t “allow” me to be happy, if I smiled, laughed, or did something I enjoyed; like making art or playing basketball or pool with my friends he would look into my eyes and insult me, or say something to purposely upset or intimidate me. They were random things, but the point was this: you’re not allowed to be happy on your own, your time belongs to me. It wasn’t until about 4 or 5 months into our relationship (when we were riding on the bus to church or a charity event) that I realized that he was deliberately tying to make me unhappy and knock me off balance. That the degrading and bizarre things that he said weren’t because he lacked social skills or was being insensitive, but were intentional forms of emotional and psychological torture. That (unlike most more overt and non-psychopathic abusers) he never really yelled at me but simply played off my fears and insecurities. It was disturbing, but like so many red flags in our relationship, I thought nothing of it. There’s something that sociopaths and narcissists have, which is called the “psychopathic stare” or predatory stare. It’s an intense, lingering gaze that they give you when they are trying to assess your emotions or psychological goals, and when you see it in real life it’s… disturbing, but flattering. It makes you feel like the most desirable person in the room, but it’s actually about isolation and control. It’s them making a mental calculation of what to do or say to make you feel uneasy or unstable at any given moment, and “keeping you on your toes” so that your happiness and validation as a human being depends on them. The psychopathic stare is often described as “reptilian” or inhuman, because they are not looking at you but through you... trying to assess how to hurt you. [Source: https://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/... ] IV Threats and Allegations In addition to telling me sexually degenerate and violent stories to intimidate me, Michael began telling me about bizarre dreams he had about me having sex and cheating on him with Black men. What was especially bizarre about these stories in contrast to the degenerate tales he would tell me is that the power of the vulgar and degenerate tales is that they relied on my innocence and virginity. Because of this, it was easy for me to dismiss the discomfort and pain I felt upon hearing them as my own sensitivity, and that I was “being too sensitive” due to my lack of experience with the world. The dreams he told me made me feel guilty. Like I was vulgar or a whore, because why else would he dream/or imagine me that way? (In reality I was still a virgin, in spite of his attempts at coercion.) His dreams made me feel dirty or unworthy, that he truly believed that I could do something like that, I thought “Is that the way he sees me? What did I do or say to make him see me like that?” The effect his dreams had on him made him seem really jealous, suspicious, disturbed, and uneasy. I felt it was my fault he had those dreams, that he thought about me like that at all. He would describe his dreams in detail, they would make me feel unworthy, vulgar, degenerate, worthless, useless, cheap. I told him I would never cheat on him. He told me that if I ever cheated on him he would kill me. (He said it like it was a joke, but it wasn’t.) The threatening and bizarre allegations never ceased, and instead became increasingly graphic, and descriptive. I thought he was insane for taking them so seriously. He would tell them to me sometimes when I was sick, needed empathy, or confided in him about anything. I listened. His response to my horror, disconcert, and confusion upon hearing his bizarre tales and allegations, was always some variation of, what he always said, “If you cheat on me, I’ll kill you.” It seemed reasonable, because I would never cheat. I later found out that psychopaths often accuse their victims of what they themselves are doing, or thinking of doing. [Source: http://datingasociopath.com/2013/06... ] V Isolation and Intimidation If I made plans without him, or did anything that didn’t have to do with him (or that he wasn’t interested in), like charity work on the weekends, he would treat me like I deeply betrayed him. I remedied this by including him in all my plans, only wearing my hair as he liked it, tried to wear less makeup, ect. I tried to conform myself to his image, to meet him half-way, to change myself for him. He encouraged me to study nursing because his mother was a nurse... I felt like he was trying to turn me into his mother, both literally and figuratively. I soon realized what I then couldn’t express: that he didn’t want me to do things or be there for anyone other than him. This was less obvious in the early days of our relationship, friends I had before just seemed to “drop off” somehow - I thought maybe this was a natural part of being in a relationship, I was “taken” now - things were different. Art, basketball, everything I cared about seemed to fall by the wayside. The few friends I had (that he “allowed” me to have) I later found out weren’t my friends at all. The isolation became much more apparent after I started to get sick with Achalasia, a swallowing and breathing disorder. Suddenly, I realized I had absolutely no one to turn to. In addition to devaluing me; he would say abusive and degrading things about my family members, about anyone who he saw as a threat to his control, or about anyone who might have helped me, or who might have supported my decision to get away from him. [Source:http://www.lovefraud.com/2010/10/04... ] My illness became so bad that I could no longer avoid it, I started getting sick every time I ate or drank anything but water. I’d wake up in the middle of the night coughing up foam tinged with blood, I thought maybe I had congestive heart-failure. I couldn’t sleep. I began to lose a lot of weight and couldn’t lay down because of my coughing and the danger of aspiration (drowning in my own vomit.) I had become both medically and psychologically anorexic, and couldn’t eat because of my illness and because Michael made me feel so bad about my weight and appearance. (As well as the other things he did to me...) I wanted to believe it was just anxiety; Michael told me that maybe I had an anxiety disorder like him. I thought maybe I was just over-stressed or over-worked by college and my other responsibilities at the Job Corps. That’s what I ended up telling the doctor. When I was waiting in the nurse’s office I found a pamphlet with a checklist inside, “Are you in an Emotionally or Psychologically Abusive Relationship?” I checked every box... I had to sit down because it knocked the wind out of me. I found it very hard to sleep that night but the next day I dismissed it. To be honest I thought I was lucky, I thought: “Well, maybe everyone’s abusive and at least he’s only verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive.” or “Everyone’s abusive, but at least he’s not physically abusive.” I feel like I was vulnerable at this point and part of me felt like I needed him as much as he needed me. (This is part of narcissistic and sociopathic abuse “called trauma-bonding” when the abuser attempts to torture the victim into a kind of “learned helplessness” that causes the victim to become so isolated and discouraged from the abuse and repeated unsuccessful attempts to leave that they begin to lean on their abuser.) Still, I wanted to believe that he loved me and would never do anything intentionally to harm me. Even from the moment that I first started talking to him I knew there was something wrong with him; I thought maybe that he was autistic or had Asperger’s Syndrome or something similar, but it wasn’t something I held against him. It’s hard to explain why... that I had all these misgivings and still forgave him. It was mostly because I loved him and partially because of of my heart-condition, because I knew what it was like to be different. Also because I was suffering from profound trauma-bonding and cognitive dissonance; and because I was raised to be a good and loving Christian. I knew that the things that he said and did were strange, but I didn’t think they were intentionally harmful or abusive. I kept making excuses for him, I thought that “everyone has problems,” and that like most people; he just had his own problems to work through. Even though it was clear at this point that he was abusing me intentionally, I still thought that it was my fault for letting it get to me. I felt sick, discouraged, worthless, unattractive, and guilty... and I was in so much physical and emotional pain. I still tried to leave him. The worst time Michael physically assaulted me was the last time I physically tried to leave. I don’t remember exactly how long we had been together or how many times I broke up with him, but I do know that it was the first time that I felt successful at it. It was the first time one of my break-up attempts seemed to “stick.” We were broken up for 2 weeks when he jumped me at night when I was walking back to my dorm. I remember it was really dark outside and it was raining... I was wearing a red-plaid skirt and my hair in braids (he hated my braids!) he jumped out from behind one of the dorms and said, “Who are you trying to look good for?” He grabbed me. I remember screaming and struggling but he wouldn’t let me go until I agreed to take him back. I remember taking a bath and my body was covered in bruises. I felt so afraid, vulnerable, helpless, hopeless, and discouraged... and I was emotionally devastated. I cried because no matter what happened, the one thing I always held onto was, “At least he’s not physically abusive.” - Adriana McGee (How Abuse Caused Me to Become Physically Disabled, My Story) To be continued in Part II

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Aria - 1. The intacardiac shot you mentioned, I thought it was an adrenaline shot that's meant to restart your heart based on the Aria Episode I sent. 2. You seem to like Riko being the daughter of Lupin and Fujiko, but what do you think of Aria being Sherlock Holems IV? 3. Regarding Shirayuki, how do you feel about Yanderes? She's not a psychopath or a sociopath as her Yandere nature is meant to be humorous, but still.

I’m pretty sure the shot IS meant to be adrenaline/epinephrine based on the context. Intracardiac refers to location of the injection, not the contents. I’m pretty sure there are safer ways to administer adrenaline than shooting it into the chest since you risk puncturing the lungs or the heart and adrenaline doesn’t have to be injected in a specific area to work. He could have just given it to her intravenously (in her veins) instead of in her heart and then done CPR to make sure it cycled through her body if her heart wasn’t pumping. Movies make adrenaline seem like some magic thing that just makes your body do whatever it needs to, but it really isn’t. Adrenaline can make it HARDER to fight because it’s part of your panic response. Adrenaline prepares your body for a short burst of intense activity like lifting a car off a baby or running really far away from the tiger that’s trying to eat you. Adrenaline is BAD in combat settings because it makes you sweaty and shaky and it makes it hard to think. So movies where the MC gets an adrenaline boost and becomes superhuman for a few minutes are just kinda bleh, especially if it’s with activities like marksmanship which require a steady hand to shoot the gun or the arrow. Marksmen actually want to be SUPER CALM when shooting because their heartbeat can mess up their shot. Similarly, movies like to pretend that adrenaline just magically counteracts a drug overdose or restarts your heart like magic, and while it is used to treat things like that, a stopped heart requires CPR way more than it does adrenaline. They did this in a Sherlock Holmes movie too, I think and it’s... yeah. There are better ways to administer adrenaline and it doesn't magically fix things when someone’s heart stops. It’s dramatic, and I can’t fault movies and TV for doing that, but it’s just... not how adrenaline works. I do like the Lupin III series but it was always more interesting to me to have Lupin and Fujiko live their own separate lives than end up together. I really can’t imagine Fujiko as a mom since she seems to have so much fun just being a thief and playing cat and mouse games with Lupin while trying to steal the same loot. Having a descendent of Holmes isn’t quite as interesting to me for a couple reasons. Most of my favorite iterations of Holmes seemed to be asexual, and I believe the literary Holmes was referred to as a “confirmed bachelor” which, apart from having the amusing connotation of being slang for “gay” at the time, even though that was not Doyle’s intention, suggests that Holmes never had much interest in settling down. Indeed, when Doyle brought Holmes back to life for more stories, he ended the series with Holmes retiring alone to be a beekeeper. On top of that, I have seen the “Descendant of Holmes” thing as well as “Holmes but brought back to life” thing before. I get it, Holmes is a really famous literary detective. I get the appeal. I love Sherlock Holmes stories. But it’s a little cliche compared to Lupin descendants, though, to be fair, with Lupin III and now Aria’s Riko Mine, evidence that “Arsene’s descendants” becoming a big thing is growing. Actually, add that to Disney’s Descendant’s series and Once Upon a time, recent pop culture has taken a big interest in the descendants of fictional characters. So, like, I’m not opposed to the idea of Aria being Sherlock’s descendant or anything, and it’s almost expected given that she’s a descendant of a master detective and Riko is descended from a master thief, but I’m not sure if this trend is going to spiral out of control now. XD Yandere’s, in general, are just kinda meh for me. They can be done well or poorly. The idea of a yandere IRL is obviously concerning because the dynamic of one person just crazily obsessed with someone else to the point of, in some extremes, violently taking out their competition to be with the object of their affection is obviously VERY unhealthy. But as an archetype or dynamic for characters, I’m not really opposed, and I’ve seen softer versions of the yandere archetype that are a lot less concerning than, say, the protagonist of Yandere Simulator (a game that’s been in development hell for years and whose creator has done some shady shit, but I digress.) So, like, with most tropes or archetypes, I’m more interested in seeing a Yandere done well more than anything. Something subversive or new. Because so far, all a Yandere really is to me is a character type that just gives off bad, stalker-y vibes because they don’t know how to take no for an answer. I tend to like tsunderes or kuderes way better than yanderes.

[skiasurveys]

love surveyyy

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? take a guess.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? i am currently. first time.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?  the one i am currently in is the longest which is right now 1 year and 3 months <3

4: Have you ever changed for someone? Yeah and i have for the good and also for the bad.

5: How is your relationship with your ex?  i dont talk to any of them anymore. I deleted their numbers and have deleted them off social medias, i somehow still have them on snapchat..

6: Have you ever been cheated on? not that i know of

7: Have you ever cheated? NO

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?i would only do that if i didnt believe what the others said. but most likely i wouldnt lol

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?  trust and companionship 

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? serious

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?  no i think breaks are just a code word for breaking up and wanting to fuck other people 

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?  if by definition of hook up you mean fucking, no i havet ever hooked up with someone. I only have sex with someone im dating.

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? dating someone i didnt like but only doing it because i thought i should and everyone liked the guy. smh.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? kids shouldnt be having sex..

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?  im bias cause my boyfriend is 6.5 years older than me but im over 18 and so its not really weird then. but i dont like huge age gaps. as long as youre both legal adults and theyre not like 18 and 36 than whatevs.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? nah

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yah i think so. if you talk to them everyday maybe. but i think you need to do more than just texting. Like video chats but idk i think its kind of hard. i can see it happening if you met online and then eventually met irl but just thru via internet nah. idk i just feel like physical relationships are better than none. thats me though.

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? cheating and drugs. and lying about hardcore shit.

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? when you stop feeling things for them, stop caring. or if you can see that its going no where. or if you just know they are not good for you.

20: Are you currently in a relationship? yep. 1 year and 3 months.

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? eh. if youre mature  i guess. but someone you were super in love with..then you end it..can be hard to stay “friends” without someone still hoping they can work it out. Maybe like where you talk and are mature but not friends. im sure anyone whose mature can talk to an ex without it  being weird. unless you broke up for diff reasons.

22: Do you think people should date their friends? yeah sure

23: How many relationships have you had?  4 including the one i am in. 

24: Do you think love can last forever?  i do

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?  no

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?  no. unless it was a super good reason..with proof. but im 20 i dont really care what they have to say about my relationships. Unless its to help me. (eg. hes abusive/etc)

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?  Only date someone you actually like.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?  trust and lots of effort and communication. You have to be the type of person to handle that stuff though. i cant do it 

29: What do you notice first about another person? how they treat me and how they smile.

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? straight

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?  no. Obvs something hardcore like sociopath or psychopath would be a deal breaker but 

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? yea

33: Do you want to get married one day? one day

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?  dumb. i love my boyfriend and we want to be together forever but shit happens and also i just find it kind of stupid. Unless they like died and you wanted a memory of them i guess.

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?   no

36: Are you still a virgin? no

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? both are equal to me.

38: Do you enjoy love films? yeah they can be good. it depends though i hate stupid troupes ( eg. nerd girl dates hot boy. nerd boy gets hot girl. )

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? yea

40: Have you ever had a valentine? yes. and actually in my last relationship he dumped me on valentines day after spending about 70 dollars on me! lmao. Oh well it was a short relationship and looking back at it i laugh lmao. thank god im not dating him anymore.

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?  going out somewhere..having fun and enjoying eachother. doesnt even have to spend a lot of money either. 

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? no

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? both. I am not gonna choose my man over my friends but i will not choose them over my boyfriend. If he needed me asap i would go to him, and vice versa if they needed me i would go to them. I need a balance of friends and my boyfriend. 

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? yeah very actually 

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? no

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?  nope.

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?dont have one lol

48: What’s your favorite love song?  there is a lot of them.

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? yeah. oh well shit happens. i always feel bad but sometimes you cant be with someone or you dont want to be with them.

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? n/a

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? this is a dumb question. a poor nice guy. lmao

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?  i think so. yet im really dumb with my own stuff. its that whole heart over mind. mind over heart. of course i can tel my friend to dump her bf if hes being stupid cus im not romantically involved but with me and my relationship issues its diff.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? yeah. i gt jealous even now when im with my bf, especially couples who are super good with eachother. and girls who are independent and not jealous cus im always jealous.

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?  eh. my boyfriend doesnt have it on there but its not like he hides our relationship. i dont think its overly important. unless youre hiding it.

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? overly attached. i think.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? no.

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? suicide is never silly.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? sub.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? no

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? stupid.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? depends on the situation. <--- same

62: How do you define “cheating”? if you have to hide it, youre cheating.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? no. just dont brag about it or be like “damn they fck better than you” this hasnt happened to me but i know if it did i would be angry lol

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?  yeah. i dont want my boyfriend to spend money on me because he thinks he has too.

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? yes

[theperfectladiesman]

Saiyuki meme part 2

34) What character do you think is least like yourself?

~Probably Ukoku. I’m not a psychopath or sociopath looking to snuff out life and light. And he’s super cunning and manipulative. 

35) What is a shipping you’re not on board with? (Be respectful!)

~I pretty much ship nearly everything under the sun for the most part. Or can at least understand or respect a ship. I ship I wouldn’t really be on board with though would be Li Touten x Nataku. Or Dokugakuji’s mom x Doku/Gojyo. Just not my thing.

36 ) Which Saiyuki character do you think could easily adjust to modern times?

~I’d say nearly all the main cast. I think they’ve all been through so much & they’ve learned to get really good with adapting and rolling with the punches. But if I had to narrow it down, perhaps Goku. Followed closely by Gojyo. They seem the most easy going & quickly accepting & adaptable. Likewise, I think Kougaiji would be one of the ones who would struggle the most perhaps. 

37) What is your favorite quote?

~There’s A LOT of good ones. Seeing as I have the opposite of a photographic memory... I can’t remember what my fav would be. A really good, memorable one though is where Kou overcame Ukoku’s mind control & gave him the whole speech where he wont be controlled again & his friends helped him to the light. Idk, something to that effect. Maybe I’ll come back to this question later after I find the exact lines.

38) Do you binge read the entire series or read selected chapters?

~Usually when I binge read or binge watch, it’s from start to finish on the entire series. If I just want to research something or remember a specific thing, it’s selected chapters.

39) Are you more a fan of Gensomaden Saiyuki or Saiyuki Reload/Gunlock?

~With the anime, Gensomaden. With the manga, its definitely Reload. 

40) Your favorite character became a mythical beast. What would they be?

~This.... is a tough one. If I wanted to take the easy option, I’d say it would be Kougaiji and he’d totally be a dragon. Or if I wanted to be funny, saying Gojyo being a kappa. I could see Hakkai being the male form of a Dryad. But I think my favorite is Sanzo... and the only thing I can think of to liken him to is the Phoenix. Sanzo’s “like the sun” and Phoenix is a sun bird. Phoenix’s rise from the ashes and Sanzo got burned by Kou’s fire and still rose to his feet. 

41) If you HAD to choose a character to die, who would it be?

~Well, this doesn’t say -MAIN- character. I wish I could say Ukoku... that would spare everyone so much misery... but I like the psycho bastard. So...Gyokumen Koushu. Then maybe Kou would get his mom back & he could team up with Sanzo!

42) Would you rather: Have all characters die or Have only one survive

~The question is.... would it be like Goku? Have them forget & then be reunited with the reincarnations? On one hand, it would be nice to have one survive to carry on the memory of everyone who died. But....I feel like there’s something incredibly unfair & cruel about having only one survive... so I guess I’d rather them all die. 

43) If [character] got into a fight with [character] who would win?

~Lol its hard to do these ones when I’m just answering them myself. 

44) What does Gojyo’s marking look like to you?

~I answered this one already, basically, a tribal flame

45) If Sanzo became a demon, what kind of marking do you think he’d have?

~I kinda wanna say something like the youkai Suika. Something small & round on his forehead in place of the chakra. Or it would probably be somewhere more discrete like his back or upper arm, a red color instead of black...idk the shape/design.

46) If [character] died, what do you think they’d be reborn as?

~I think Zakuro would love to be reborn in the golden age (Elizabethanera) cuz that’s when theatre, music, poetry & literature flourished. Perhaps Kougaiji/Hazel in the Victorian age and Ukoku in the Edwardian era... I know that’s not what the questions asking, but it is interesting to think diff era’s you’d put them in. 

47) After the journey, what do you think [character] will be doing?

~Hmm... I’ll just stick with Gojyo for this one. Assuming he’s still alive after the journey. I think he’d stick with Hakkai. (grudingly)Helping out around the shop if Hakkai worked/owned a shop. I could see Gojyo maybe being a bar tender or an escort/host... or whatever those equivalents are in the Saiyuki era, or just keeps raking in money with his gambling while being domestic with Hakkai.

48) If [character] had a tumblr, what would they reblog?

~This one’s a fun question. I think if Gojyo had a tumblr, the majority would reflect the 3 things he likes most- women, booze, and smokes. Probably sprinkle in some selfies of himself being all sexy, cheesy pick up lines and puns, maybe some crude jokes, more scantily clad women, and gambling tips. Then there’s probably some stuff he’d reblog for the sake of Sanzo,Hakkai, and Goku if they had tumblr as well. Monkey posts to tease Goku, life hacks for Hakkai, & random stuff that would piss off Sanzo. Probably jokes about cranky old men or something. 

49) What is your favorite animated scene?

~umm.... idk... all of Gaiden?

50) [Character]; Boxers, briefs, or commando?

~I feel like Gojyo would have an occasion for all three. Briefs when he’s planning to get with a lady or impress. Boxers when he’s lounging with the boys. And sometimes commando, mainly when sleeping if he has his own room. 

51) What 3 or more tropes fits your favorite character?

~ummm.... running gag, ship tease, and funny moments. (gojyo)

52) What are 3 tropes that describe [character]?

~fiery redhead, the alcoholic, and jerk with a heart of gold (gojyo)

53) If Saiyuki got a 4th series, what would it be called?

~Well now that there is a 4th season coming out... Saiyuki Reload Blast XD (now we just need an Ibun OVA!!!)

54) If your favorite character could control an element, what would it be?

~Fav charater’s always been between Sanzo and Kougaiji... though recently I often wonder if it’s not Hazel now. I think Lightning suits Sanzo. Fire for Kou. And Ice for Hazel. Earth for Goku & Hakkai. Wind for Yaone.

55) Was there a character you used to love but no longer do?

~I dont think so actually. I think everyone I love I still do and everyone I hate I still do. 

56) What has been the saddest moment for you in the series?

~Yakumo’s death. Yakumo’s whole chapter arc.  And the end of Gaiden.

57) What is your favorite anime/manga genre?

~Psychological thriller/horror (but I also like romance & action & drama)

58) Name 5 other characters you like along with your fav Saiyuki character.

~Spike Spiegel, Axel, Seto Kaiba, Zelos Wilder, Alvin Svent, and Snow Villiers

59) Do you prefer subbed or dubbed anime?

~Dubbed. But most of the time subbed is 100 x’s better... obviously.

60) Did you watch the anime first or read the manga?

~Gensomaden anime came first.

61) Do you seek out spoilers or avoid at all cost?

~I avoid them at all cost, most of the time. Unless it’s something I’m not planning to watch or read.

62) Do you write fan fics or draw fan art? If so, link!

~I do, on both accounts. I don’t have any Saiyuki fanfics though. If anyone really want links, I’ll send them privately in IM’s. My Saiyuki fanart can all be found on my blog. Other fan art of diff fandoms is on DA. I only have a couple of completed fanfics on fanfiction.net... most of my work isn’t finished so that’s not really worth linking, I wouldn’t think.

63) What was the most pointless filler in the anime?

~I can’t really think of anything... maybe the sauna one where Goku thinks Sanzo turns into a demon. Or the kitty one. Don’t get me wrong, I loved both those episodes... but in regards to the plot, they don’t contribute a thing. 

64) How do you describe Saiyuki to a friend who has never heard of it?

~Four guys travel west to stop the resurrection of a demon lord. Um... there’s lots of humor and action. It’s amazing. It’s.... kinda gay without actually being gay.

65) If you RP what is your favorite thing to Roleplay?

~answered this one~

66) What is your favorite Saiyuki Opening or Ending for the animes?

~The opening for Gaiden is very gorgeous, perhaps that one <3

67) What’s something you think would improve the series?

~HAVING MORE MANGA TRANSLATED AND PUBLISHED HERE IN AMERICA! And bring back some minor characters, that’d be cool to see.

68) Who, in your opinion, has the most tragic backstory?

~Geez... that’s like comparing a life time of stomach issues to someone who has a life time of mental illness... both are equally tragic. If I HAD to pick.... Yakumo.... I’m just gonna go with Yakumo. Technically, it’s not really a backstory but what’s he was presently doing. Having such a kind, soft heart... wanting nothing more but to save, shelter, and raise youkai kids... and choosing to kill them when they go berserk, perhaps with the whole mentality of ‘kill a few to save the whole’. It’s so tragic. Other than that, I can’t choose 1 over the other for tragic back stories cuz everyone has it equally bad in some way. 

I guess I can say the tie would be between Gojyo, Sanzo, Hakkai, Goku, Dokugakuji, Hazel, and Nataku.

69) Who would be best at pleasing their lover?

~It kinda depends on what said lover wants most our of their partner and if it’s true love or a fling. If they both knew what they were doing, Goku & Kou would be very thorough, patient, and thoughtful lovers. Gojyo would be best at bringing the skill/pleasure in a pure sexual aspect. Hakkai’s difficult to pin down. He’d be gentle with the same qualities I listed for Gok/Kou.... but he’d have this wall up at the same time. Sanzo... just probably wouldn’t be the best, if he got intimate at all to begin with. Hazel’s so... antagonistic. I’ll just go with Gojyo or Dokugakuji. 

70) What do you think Saiyuki would be like if Kougaiji and co were the main protagonists? Do you think you’d still enjoy it? 

~A lot less humor and more dark because it would be more from the “villains” POV. Kou’s kinda angsty. I don’t think Saiyuki would be as well recieved and loved from Kougaiji’s & co’s pov... and there’s several characters we might have missed out on.... but I think it’s something I would still really enjoy. If its written by Kazuya Minekura, she’d make it amazing regardless. 

71) What minor character had a significant impact on the plot?

~I think that would have to be Hazel Grouse.

72) On a scale from 1 - 10, 1 being not much and 10 being too much, how much does Saiyuki Gaiden hurt you?

~TEN

73) What character is still a mystery to you?

~Perhaps Koumyou or Ukoku (maybe even Yaone in the sense that we kinda know next to nothing about her... that I can recall). But with Koumyou especially, both of them are just so complex & different than I am that they’re difficult for me to understand. 

74) What is the funniest moment in the series?

~It really says something about how much a perv I really am if the very first scene that pops into my mind after thinking about what my fav moment could be is.... Gojyo & Goku wrestling & arguing on the bed and that lady walks in & thinks they’re doing, or about to do, something naughty. Oddly, I Really like the scene where Gojyo mimics Sanzo too. 

75) Who is your favorite minor character?

~Hazel or Banri or Zenon ...... Yakumo & Zakuro are p great too

76) Which character has had the most growth?

~I think that would have to be Goku

77) Which character needs more development?

~hmmmm........Lirin maybe? 

[obsessedfoniasophobia-blog]

Killin Research on Killers

Part One: What I Knew/What I Wanted to Find Out

Have you ever wondered about the fact that Jeffrey Dahmer committed the rape, murder, and dismemberment of seventeen males. Or the fact that Aileen Wuornos shot seven men point-blank range. Or the fact that Ted Bundy kidnapped, raped, murdered, and committed acts of necrophile on numerous women. But my favorite one of all, John Wayne Gacy sexually assaulted and murdered 33 teenage boys, and buried the bodies around his house. It leaves me flabbergasted that these four serial killers and many more were able to commit such heinous crimes and feel no remorse for any of it.

A serial killer is labeled as any person who kills three people or more over a period of time. Three people, that is all it takes yet when you hear the words serial killer you think numerous murders, but all it takes is three. I have chosen to further my studies on serial killers, due to the fact that I recently completed a book report in a Crime and Criminal Justice class on “The Last Victim” by James Moss. The book itself is an autobiography, the entirety of the book is about a man [James Moss] who focuses his thesis on the study of serial killers. He attempts to reach out to multiple serial killers by leaving them letters in jail. He reaches out to John Gacy [The Clown that Killed] and he writes the entire book on his experience and encounter with one serial killer. He basically talks about how he felt victimized by Mr. Gacy, and how he felt like he was John’s last victim.

Doing this book report opened my eyes to the thought of serial killers, and continually questioning their thought process and wondering why they do what they do. I have always had a slight interest in the mind of a criminal, and always wondered what drives people to do the crazy things they do.  When I think about what drives me to be so interested in the topic of serial killers it is the fact that they are so intriguing and it just leaves you asking why. While reading a small article on “VICE” about Why People are Obsessed with Serial Killers Scott Bonn said “the adrenaline rush and wanting to get close to the fire without getting burned” and I never related more to another person's words. But Scott is right, the topic just leaves us wondering and wanting more and more answers.

When most think about serial killers they think of the most popular ones, such as the ones I brought up earlier, but what do you really know about serial killers?  I have always thought a serial killer was created by actions that take place in their childhood to cause them to grow hatred or some sort of anger toward society. I also do not think that serial killers are born with serious mental disorder or personality disorders that cause you to want to kill other people.

I know that serial killers are more commonly to be white men usually in their mid twenties, early thirties. While there are few female serial killers, it seems as though you hear more about male serial killers. I also know that a majority of serial killers do not just pick out random people and kill them, yet they depict certain criteria in a person, or look for certain attributes. It seems to me that a majority of male serial killers not only look to kill their victims but they also desire sexual activities with them as well. This led me to multiple unanswered questions about serial killers:

What drives them to kill?

Why do they rape their victims?

How do they pick their victims?

Does their past drive them to be the person they are?

What mental disorders do they possess?

Do they feel any remorse or regret in their actions?

Part Two: Story of My Search

I began my research by simply googling “serial killers” and the first thing to pop up is a list of America's most notorious villains. There are many forums of information to help give me material on the topic, I have found that a majority of the information is through blogs or videos of the stories of multiple serial killers. I felt as if that was not enough information to help me grasp the answers to my questions. To further my research I then searched “What drives a serial killer to kill?” I was still led to many blogs and daily post, but I found that they did provide some level of knowledge. I found many crime blogs that I felt were most helpful, due to the fact that they are credible, because they are coming from people who worked in the field of crime or worked in the field of psychology and seen first handedly the illness behind a serial killer. Although, many of these blogs did not provide credible references or citations from where they received their information, it did lead me to more questions on the topic. It also lead me to further my research and look deeper into the topic of serial killers. There is no real way to fully get in the mind of a serial killer and completely understand them and their needs without  being able to sit down and talk to one first handed.

I figured using Jason Moss’s experience would be the best finding I could use to relate as to why  serial killer’s are the way they are. I also wanted to see how people perceived serial killers, and see what people know about them so I had conducted a brief survey of four questions. I went around campus and asked a couple of people:

Do you think serial killers are born or made? Why?

Do you believe serial killers are psychopaths or sociopaths?

Are serial killers more often male or female?

Do serial killers plead insanity to get off on a case?

From gathering outside people's perspectives on serial killers, it just continuously lead me to more and more questions about a serial killers.

Part Three: What I Found

Types Of Serial Killers

The first source of information I found while doing my research was from a Journal of Investigative Psychology and Offender Profiling. What I discovered from this journal was that there are four different types of serial killers: The visionary killer, the hedonistic killer, the power/control killer, and the mission-oriented killer. From this journal I found a visionary killer “leaves a chaotic crime scene with incriminating physical evidence both at the scene and on the victim.” (Taylor  p.37). I also found that a visionary killer suffers from some sort of psychosis, goes through delusions and hallucinations. They also feel compelled or commanded to kill, they believe that God or demons are talking to them and telling them to kill people for a greater cause.They are either demon mandated or God mandated.  Visionary killers do not target their victims. The journal continues on to tell us that a visionary killer “kills their victim quickly, it is violent, frenzied, and shows ‘overkill’ usually through repeated bludgeoning to death.” (Taylor  p.37). A mission-oriented killer focuses on the same acts as a visionary killer, the only difference between the two is a mission-oriented killer is not considered to be clarified as psychotic. Taylor and Lambeth continue to tell us that “The crimes scene suggest the act was planned in that the killing is organised, showing consistency and a controlled crime scene with little physical evidence remaining.” A mission-oriented killer believes they are “ridding the world” they are trying to eliminate a specific group or person, and they are seeking revenge. The hedonistic killer, kills for the thrill and the rush, and they take financial gain out of it, plus sexual pleasure. The journal refers to a hedonistic killer as someone who is “process focused and organised hence leaving little physical evidence. They rape and overkill their victims often by mutilation—all of which provide sexual gratification.” (Taylor p.37).  A hedonistic killer does not find the sexual acts to give them pleasure, yet it is the way they go about it, using restraints, torture, and biting. It is the acts of physically hurting the victim that gives the killer sexual pleasure. Within the field of a hedonistic killer there is also a comfort-oriented killer who knows their victim or is related to their victim, and their killing is planned, yet the crime scene is controlled. The last type of serial killer there is the power/control killer, Taylor and Lambeth tell us the power/control killer “gains gratification through controlling and dominating the victim.” Their main motive is to gain power and maintain power, they do this by raping their victims using gagging, restraints, and torture. The difference between this type of serial killer and other types is that a power/control killer will kill using strangulation, to maintain that aspect of control. They “continue to have power over their victim even through death by extirpation, decapitation, and dismemberment.” (Taylor p.37)

Mental Disorders of A Serial Killer/Feelings Of Remorse or Regret

While researching serial killers you read a lot about how twisted a person can be and how gruesome their killings are. This leads a lot of people to wonder whether or not serial killers have mental disorders or personality disorders. While doing a quick survey to a couple of students around campus a majority of them said “serial killers get off on their cases for pleading insanity”. Although, while reading a journal from International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology, I have found that not to be true. Serial Killers With Military Experience says “Fewer than 4% of serial killers have attempted to use insanity as a defense. Only 1% of those who used this defense were found not guilty by reason of insanity” (Castle, Hensley p.455). Therefore, this brings me to the conclusion that serial killers are well aware of what they are doing, they are well aware that they are killing people and looking at serious jail time or even death penalty. Although serial killers do not plead insanity that does not mean that they are not insane. While reading a blog post from “Psychology of a Killer” I found that serial killers do not feel remorse or regret for their killing and they do not care for their victims. So I can see the connection as to why a serial killer would not plead guilty.

The results of my survey were; 40% of the respondents said they think serial killers are born rather than made, 40% said serial killers are sociopaths rather than psychopaths, 80% said that serial killers plead insane, and 100% said serial killers are more often males. One issue I had with  my survey was the second question, a lot of people were confused as to the difference of a psychopath and a sociopath. I told them that the difference between the two is their conscience. A psychopath does not have a conscience, while a sociopath does but it is weak.

Serial Killers: Born Or Made

While reading a brief article from the “National Center For Crisis Management American Academy Of Experts in Traumatic Stress” I found that serial killers are not born, they are developed. The article tells us in paragraph fifteen “In a study of sixty two male serial killers, Eric Hicky a criminologist found that, forty eight percent of them had been rejected as children by a parent or some other important person in their lives (Fox 113). Though this happens to many children, it certainly represents a turning point for those who become serial killers. Once rejected many of these killers begin to dive into their self indulgences and are unable to understand how and who they are when going through puberty. "The social experiences which make people dangerous violent criminals are the significant experiences rather than the trivial ones in their lives" (Athens 19).” I personally thought serial killers were made rather than born, only because it does not make sense for someone to be born with the will to kill.

What Drives A Serial Killer

When reading another journal by T.D. Dogra, he talks about what drives a serial killer. T.D Dogra’s  journal tells us that there are nine different motives for serial killers. “Sexual, paraphilic, sadistic, delusional, hate-oriented, thrill, attention-seekers, cult-oriented, and instrumental” (T.D. Dogra p.302). These nine different types are mostly seen at the scene of the crime and it is how most investigators can tell which type of serial killer they are dealing with.

I never really came across a complete answer as to what drives a serial killer, but from doing my research I would say that emotion is a big part of what drives them. All of their killings are based on personal trauma and past regret. The fact that the thrill they get from killing is so exciting and exhilarating, it is another factor that drives them to continue doing what they do.

Serial Killers Rape/Pick Their Victims

One thing I learned but kinda already knew was a serial killer becomes a serial killer by going through traumatic experience at a young age. Not only is it going through something traumatic, but it is going through a very important time  in their life, where something does not go as expected. It is at a young age that a serial killer starts developing these feeling of hatred and anger. Not all serial killers rape their victims, it based on what type of serial killer they are. Mainly power/control serial killers rape their victim because they like having control over their victim. A majority of serial killers do not necessarily pick their victim, but they look for certain attributes in a person. John Wayne Gacy for example only targeted teenage boys, or men in their twenties. Aileen Wuornos for example claimed she only targeted men who tried to rape her.

Overall, what I learned from doing this research paper is there are four main types of serial killers: the visionary, hedonistic, mission-oriented, and power/control. A visionary killer and mission-oriented killer are basically the same, except the small difference that a visionary killer is more psychotic than a mission-oriented killer. I felt as if when learning about the four different types of serial killers it was pretty easy for me to look at them and see the specific clarification between the four. One thing I found really interesting was serial killers do not feel any remorse for their killings. I figured they had no emotional attachment to their victims, but I also thought at some extinct they did care. Considering a serial killer picks his victim based off special attributes based on the killer.

Part Four: What I Learned

The results from my survey brought me to the conclusion that a majority of people are not educated on the topic of serial killers, I expected my respondents to have answers relatively close to mine, it turned out to be opposite. Although, my survey did do exactly what I expected of it. My purpose of the survey was to show how students did not know about serial killers, and I was comparing their answers to actual factual answers.

From doing this research paper I actually did learn a lot more about serial killers, I found the fact that there are four different types of serial killers the most interesting. I guess I never thought about there being a label to the types of serial killers. I also found it very interesting that it only takes killing three people to be labeled as a serial killer. After doing the research I am still left with questions,because there is no real answer as to why serial killers do what they do.

One thing to keep in mind throughout all this research is every serial killer is different. Therefore, it is very hard to decide whether a serial killer is feeling any remorse, or whether a killer is a sociopath or psychopath. Basically, you can not come to any real conclusion as to what drives a serial killer to kill based on any facts, because all cases are different.

[urwarriorangel]

TVD SHIPS (i think the right word is OTPs but oh well)

I know I’m extra and unnecessary af for this but pls bare with me. I was up until four am last night and thought this would be a good idea so here we are!

Also please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. Some of these are potential situations, not the way things ended up in the show. I don’t mean to sound rude in some of the comments even though it may seem that way. I know that I might be the queen of unpopular otp/ship opinions but pls hear me out. If you like the ships that I don’t, it’s alright. If you hate the ones that I like, that’s also fine. It happens. Love y’all!! XOXO

ps- this is gonna be very very VERY fucking long, so there’s gonna be a little ‘keep reading’ tab after the first category. i’m so sorry

TVD SHIPS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

Klaus x Bonnie

I know that Klaus doesn’t play nice and I know that Bonnie hates him but come on, you can’t tell me they wouldn’t have been a scorching hot pair. you’ve got the wolf, the vampire, the witch (aka the holy trinity of the supernatural world) split between a petite woman of color and a lanky northern european man. please keep in mind that Bonnie could destroy Klaus in a millisecond.

Kol x Bonnie

Y’ALL I WOULD KILL FOR THIS SHIP. Kol is a psychopath and I feel like in a way, that’s Bonnie’s specialty. she’d hate him first, sure. but then they’d have to work together to save her stupid friends and the only reason he’d agree to accompany her was because “you’re going to get yourself killed, love. we should just let them figure things out” “I’m not asking you to come, Kol”. she’d have him wrapped around her finger in no time. imagine the mind blowing make out scenes. also the sex scenes.THE SEX SCENES!

Kol x Elena

okay so I’m not the biggest fan of Elena because she’s so damn whiny but she’s also vulnerable and has this crazy knack of making people like her. Kol’s intentions were never to hurt Elena to be honest. he was angry with his brother and terrified of Silas, rightfully so. I think they would have worked.

Lorenzo x Caroline

tbh Enzo is the only guy I would like to see Caroline with. Caroline keeps floating between the self-righteous guy with the good hair and the raging psychopath with the perfect accent. settle for the perfect accent, nice hair, a tortured soul, and mostly good intentions.

Malachai x Bonnie

a concept: Kai buying Bonnie a Costco bear to apologize for Mrs. Cuddles. Kai getting turned on every time Bonnie practices magic that is above even him. Kai smiling every time Bonnie texts him and being confused as to why. Kai being the first one to say I love you.

Damon x Bonnie

I want them to hook up SO BAD. you know those college roommates AUs or the best friends spending a drunken night together AUs or the childhood friends who develop feelings AUs or partners in crime having sex for the sake of the mission AUs? I would like that to happen with these two losers.

Elijah x Bonnie

okay so I ship Bonnie with just abt everyone. so sue me. she would dig through Elijah’s mind and force him to face his past. once his episodes started, she’d feel guilty and she’d make excuses to hang around him. eventually, the monsters in his past were nothing compared to how scared he’d get every time he thought about losing Bonnie.

Bonnie x Elena

Bonnie would be the more rational, no bullshit girlfriend. Elena would be the damsel in distress with a party mindset. They’d keep each other grounded and watch the sunrise together even though Bonnie just wanted to make out.

Bonnie x Caroline

the motherfking power couple y’all. childhood friends who fall in love with each other after they both date boring guys. the almighty witch and the vampire with good communication skills. wow think of how good they’d look at Elena’s wedding: Bonnie in her maid-of-honor dress, Caroline in a similarly colored bridesmaid dresses; Caroline catches the bouquet and proceeds to kiss Bonnie in front of all the groomsmen who’re hitting on her.

Caroline x Rebekah

Barbie queens with more to offer than their looks. they’re smart, ambitious, competitive, dire romantics, control freaks, short tempered, gentle-spirited, and so damn sexy. i would pay good money for a hot tub scene between these two.

Malachai x Elena

humanity-less Elena and regular, sociopathic Kai. they’d be a dynamic duo tbh. Elena and Damon would have just broken up and Kai actually liked this side of Elena, the wild party girl with complete disregard for human life.

Jeremy x Liv

these two wouldn’t date, not at all. they’d just have lots of angry sex and tbh I’m content with their relationship being just that.

Elijah x Damon

at first, it was annoying: Elijah had to keep an eye on another reckless vampire. he’d lose sight of Damon for a couple hours and he’d turn the entire city upside down bc he was scared that Damon was wreaking havoc. only Elijah would come home at the end of the day and find Damon dancing around the house-- topless with a bottle of bourbon in hand--and no matter how bad he knew he should yell at Damon and put him in place, he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

TVD SHIPS THAT NEEDED  MORE SCREEN TIME

Matt x Rebekah

my favorite Matt pairing and my favorite Rebekah pairing. Rebekah is a hopeless romantic and nothing will ever change that. Matt is a puppy dog who’s the same way and I love how happy they were together, I love how good they looked together, all that jazz. their fling is very underrated.

Bonnie x Nora

YES YES YESSSSSSSSS. I would also kill for this ship, relation- or friend-. this was such a pure friendship. it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine by any means, but it was the most real friendship on the show. it could have been even greater.

Elijah x Katerina

I wanted to see them together so much more!!! I love Katherine and I feel like Elijah was a soulmate of hers. Elijah clearly loved her, but things just never worked out in their favor. They could have had a great love story, or at least a top-notch friendship.

Stefan x Katherine

Stefan is another one of Katherine’s soul mates. Definitely. They’re both manipulative, one more than the other. They both cared about one another at one point. They’re both empty and alone at times despite the people around them. Another great love story.

Klaus x Stefan

I’m a little iffy about this because I think that Klaus is fine without Stefan, but I also really like the friendship they built back in the 20s. I love the acceptance and the love and the connection Klaus and Stefan had at first. It was great.

Elijah x Stefan

Everyone compares Stefan and Klaus to one another and claim that they are so similar, but I vehemently disagree. I think that Elijah and Stefan are very similar. Both very self-righteous. Both have a distinct set of beliefs. Both are very loyal and are known as “the good brother”. I don’t know. I would’ve liked to see a relationship develop between these two.

Caroline x Katherine

ugh yet another potential great couple!! they are both very fashion-oriented, both very controlling and organized, both hella smart. if Katherine hadn’t screwed around with Caroline when she’d just been turned, I think they could’ve been great friends. they’re very similar, very self-aware. they care about themselves.

Klaus x Damon

I really want to watch Damon and Klaus’s relationship progress. I want them to become friends who pretend they hate each other but are always so protective of one another and are always ready to defend the other person. They’re the self-hatred ridden brothers and I think it would be nice if they loved each other.

Damon x Enzo

LONG LIVE DENZO. Denzo is my number one ship for both Damon and Enzo. like :( I’m so hurt that Damon left Enzo but imagine: Damon spending every day for the rest of eternity apologizing for leaving, knowing that it would never be enough but not stopping. Damon would always put Enzo first, always. He would put Enzo’s life and happiness over his own every time. Enzo would try to fight it to no avail. Enzo taking one look at Damon’s battered body after a fight and immediately cleaning him up and bandaging him. Enzo spending the night in Damon’s bed with Damon in his arms as he kissed his forehead.

Alaric x Jo

I don’t like Jo, but I would like to think that she and Kai could have patched things up and she would be less bitter and annoying and she and Alaric could have a happy life. With cute little babies.

Damon x Elizabeth Forbes

I think that Sheriff Forbes is the one person that Damon would never be able to leave. He left his romantic interest time and time again. He left his brother. He left his best friend. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love them, that just means that Forbes was the only person who would push him hard enough to stay that he wouldn’t have any other choice. Damon’s the only vampire (asides from Caroline) that Sheriff Forbes actually loves.

Elijah x Elena

Elijah was protective of Elena from the start. he recognized the vulnerable parts of Katherine in her and saw the fierce loyalty and honesty that Katherine at times lacked. she was like a breath of fresh air to him and he wanted to help, constantly to popular belief.

Damon x Rose

I hated Rose at first because I was all about Delena but the more I thought about it and the more I rewatched it, Rose was YET ANOTHER CHARACTER THAT DESERVED BETTER. She was on the run her entire life because she was loyal to Trevor. She died because she was protecting Damon. Her entire life revolved around her great attributes wasted on men. I think Damon would have helped her move on and escape when needed. She would’ve helped him see the truth, kind of a balance to him.

Kol x Jeremy

BASEBALL BUDDIES. one of the few times that Jeremy wasn’t really annoying was when he was friends with Kol, the times we never heard from him except to check up and see he was happy. I think that Kol saw a potential friend in him, despite his “dark” intentions. they could have been great fucking friends.

Tyler x Jeremy

another time that Jeremy wasn’t too annoying was when he was friends with this idiot: Tyler. granted, Tyler was sired to Klaus, but still. they got through it and were pretty decent friends. I was happy with their small friendship and it would have been nice to see peaceful guy friends.

Matt x Tyler

MY FAVORITE FRIENDSHIP back in the day oh my god :( it makes me sad thinking of how much we used to see of Tyler and Matt, of how great friends they were and how they got through everything together. it was so nice to see them happy or sad but together ugh. I WANT MORE.

Stefan x Lexi

I loved Lexi. she was so badass and so cool and so independent all while keeping an eye out for her best friend. this here is another case of my obsession with best friends blooming into other things and childhood best friends becoming lovers. Stefan wasn’t too annoying when Lexi was around, he was kind of fun. GASP

Damon x Lexi

okay hear me out. this a case of “you’re my best friend’s brother and we shouldn’t be doing this but he doesn’t have to know” ugh :( I like the idea of badass Lexi taming the wild fuckboy that is Damon.

TVD SHIPS THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN BUT WERE (EVEN A LITTLE)

Klaus x Caroline

everyone loves them together but me. sure, i appreciate how great they look and how Klaus cares about Caroline, but I don’t think Caroline would or should ever actually date him. Klaus has hurt too many of her loved ones for her to look at him as more than an occasional fuck, at least for now. he’ll always be the one that got away. I’m okay with that, idk.

Alaric x Caroline

this entire thing was so fucked up. like Alaric’s wife is dead so Caroline has to get pregnant and have the babies and then give everything up, happily or otherwise. as wierd as it sounds, it would have been more interesting if Elena was pregnant with the twins. maybe. probably not. okay that’s too wierd.

Stefan x Caroline

sometimes I really don’t like this duo and other times I couldn’t care less. the reason that I couldn’t care less is because of the obvious love and affection between the characters. that being said, those feelings aren’t portrayed romantically. at least not for me. it’s just a little too wierd for me.

Jeremy x Bonnie

Jeremy is such an annoying character ughhhh oh my god. Bonnie deserved a lot better than this dorky kid who would always act out. it was wierd to begin with because when they first started dating, Jeremy was really immature and Bonnie was the exact opposite. Jeremy wasn’t an endearing immature, he was the stupid immature.

Stefan x Valerie

this was literally just a filler. Valerie deserved better than what Stefan had to offer. I mean it could have been great had Stefan not been using Valerie, had he actually cared for her.

Stefan x Elena

YET ANOTHER SHIP THAT EVERYONE LOVES AND I HATE. Stefan and Elena, in my opinion, were too alike to ever date. they were both very self-righteous and nosey and everything had to be done their way. they tried to control the people around them and I think the times that I liked Stefan the least (border-line hated him) were the times that he was dating Elena.

Julian x Lily

it was just a very abusive relationship. I hated Julian and every second that he was on screen. I hated how Lily felt and acted when he was around. it was all around horrible.

Lorenzo x Lily

just super wierd. Enzo deserves better. I have said this before and I will say it again. Enzo deserves better. He stuck around the Heretics for Lily and she only lead him on so that he wouldn’t side with Damon and crew. very unhealthy.

TVD SHIPS THAT SAILED

Damon x Elena

I really fucking like Delena. I do. I’ll admit it’s not the greatest relationship on the show, but I think that is is the most passionate one. there’s so many unanswered questions and so many flaws and things to figure out, but in a way that’s the beauty of it. they are crazy about one another. Damon would have turned back into a human for her wtf.

Lorenzo x Bonnie

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IDCIDCIDC!!!!! there’s finally someone who would put Bonnie above everyone and everything else, themselves included. there’s finally someone who would pick Enzo, who wouldn’t leave him behind and GOD i love these characters and this relationship so much. I think it’s healthy and cute and loving and just. I mean they learn from one another, they grow together. it’s just amazing. I’m not sorry for loving them.

Nora x Mary Louise

I love Nora. Mary Louise not so much tbh. that being said, I think they work. the ships in this category aren’t just the ones that I love. they’re ships that worked and consist of two people who would do anything for one another. Nora and Mary Louise were brave and romantic and absolutely crazy but that’s what made it work. if these two weren’t exactly this way, they wouldn’t have worked. their deaths hurt.

Damon x Alaric

this partly belongs on the ships that should have been, but I think that for a time this really worked. this brotp really thrived at one point in the show and I loved it. there were times that I wanted Alaric to smack Damon upside the head, but still. I think that they worked and that they will only get better once they acknowledge how they’ve both fucked up.

Tyler x Liv

Tyler finally met his match!!!! I know that Liv was hard to deal with, trust me. I also know that Tyler is hard to deal with. I don’t think he’d actually ever loved anyone and trusted anyone nearly as much as he did Liv. I think that Tyler was one of only two humans that Liv actually cared about. Wierd and not my favorite, but they worked.

TVD SHIPS THAT EH

Stefan x Caroline

we meet again. I put them in the eh segment because I don’t entirely hate them. I am a sucker for best friends that bloom into something else, and that’s what they wanted to make this. but I don’t think it worked. I will admit that I love their friendship, though. I love that Stefan helped Caroline with her vampiric abilities, I love that Caroline always had Stefan’s back even when no one else did.

Stefan x Rebekah

yet another girl that Stefan used who deserved better. Rebekah is one of my favorite characters and the fact that Stefan didn’t give her the time of day because of his breakup with Elena and then proceeded to have sex with her for that same reason like????? y r u a prick steffy boy?

Damon x Katherine

I mean it was a hoax but still. Damon didn’t know that. he thought that she loved him, and that she’d be waiting for him in the hole in the ground (sorry my mind is blanking rn) and then they’d confess their love for eachother and BAM. only no BAM, no love, no Katherine. he was only ever a pawn to her.

Matt x Caroline

Matt also deserved better. at this point (when they first started dating), Caroline only cared about herself and Matt didn’t care about himself at all. there was no middle ground for these two, to be hones. I thought they looked nice together, but that’s about it. I think they could maybe have been better down the road but then Matt was all “fuck you, vampires” and Caroline became all “I am the vampires lol bitch”

Tyler x Caroline

to be honest, I was tempted to move this to the ships that sailed but I didn’t only because I never thought that they were endgame. I enjoyed watching the chemistry and the puppy eyes and how Caroline was growing up. I liked that Tyler was more than the temperamental werewolf and Caroline was more than a Barbie bitch. but it didn’t do enough for me. it was a great in between relationship, but it wasn’t a final destination.

Damon x Caroline

I don’t quite get why them hooking up was crucial to the storyline. I mean it was just a display of Damon and Caroline’s characters, but that’s it. that and Damon wanted to annoy his brother.

Jeremy x Anna

pointless. she was cute, he was cute, they were both kids with pent-up anger towards authority, but that was it. Anna was much more intelligent and mature and worldly than he was. I mean sure, she was technically a lot older but still. I don’t know, it was wierd.

Jeremy x Vicki

to be honest, I think all of Jeremy’s were pointless. the only difference with this ones it that he loved Vicki. she was his first love. after her, he became obsessed with his dead girlfriends and forgot about the ones that were real. he was an immature brat for most of the show and then became a notorious fuckboy, so.