#but there's like reasoning and justification for that one it's not out of nowhere stupidity okay? there's stuff. There's stuff okay!?

[dw-flagler]

fuck. I was writing this emma barnes fic and I've come to a realization. For a period of exactly seven days in 2009, Emma Barnes is a completely different person from the one in canon. Like, I always knew that meeting Shadow Stalker the second time shaped her as a person, but it's genuinely shocking how utterly different the road of her life could have been.

Like, for my fic I had these two paths I was struggling to pick between, which I'm calling Wire and Cloth, as a joke about imprinting (see neither is good but one is distinctly better than the other), one where Emma ends up being kidnapped by the ABB and one where she ends up as shadow stalker's apprentice. But.

Look, here's a line from Interlude 19: "What got her, the nebulous idea that haunted her, was the impact those scenes had.  There were so many defining moments, so many crises, big and small, that shaped the people they touched.  The biggest and most critical moments were the sorts that wiped the slate clean, that ignored or invalidated the person who had existed before, only to create another."

Like, yeah, she's talking about triggers, but what's getting to me is how empathetic (in the literal "I can relate to your pain" sense) and compassionate she sounds. Like. Emma shuts herself in her room for a week because she's incapable of dealing with the horror of knowing that hundreds of little girls are going through what she did every minute of every day. She can't deal with it.

This emma, who only exists for a week, is haunting me. She's just--It's just weird!

And the Emma who exists for the rest of the story, for every section except for less than half of one chapter, you can see the remains! She's there! Emma recontextualizes her existential despair at the enormity of human suffering, something she only really understood in abstract until now, as Sophia's predator/prey philosophy, right? It's so easy for her, because it gives her a way to explain it. There's predators and there's prey. It already slots into her worldview. Like (and I'm really just harping on about victim blaming today aren't I?) those girls who suffered like Emma did, they suffered because they were weak! It's simple now. There's two kinds of people, the ones who are hurt and the ones who hurt, and all Emma has to do to make sure that she is never hurt again is to be the one who does the hurting.

But for seven days, there's that ghost. The kind Emma Barnes, who doesn't want anything like what happened to her happen to anyone else. It's not as narratively interesting, I get that. Who wants a worm character who's all peace and love? That doesn't make for a mentally disturbed teenage girl doing horribly violent acts, and that's what we in the worm fandom all want to see. But still she haunts me.

[hello-nichya-here]

Why is Rhaenyra so hypocritical and dramatic about everything? Her first scene is already her trying to act all rebelious by flying around in a dragon and saying nonsense stuff about everyone caring for her unborn sibling but not her pregnant mom. How does that even work?

She is rude as fuck Rhaenys for no reason, interrupts a meeting just to show off, flies to see Daemon without permission just because he took a dragon egg and then dares him to kill her out of nowhere just to cause even more of a scene.

She throws a fit about needing to be married then demands her uncle elope with her on her wedding to someone else and is still complaining years later that he didn't, hates Alicent for secretly flirting with her dad yet had an affair with Daemon, Criston Cole, and Harry Strong, and is constantly demanding her bastards to inherit titles meant for true Velaryons instead of having kids with her actual husband or staying childless like said she wanted to be - and she never considered letting Laena's daughters inherit anything instead of their "cousins" despite still wanting to be Visery's heir.

I know she was seriously screwed over by the Greens, but it just became impossible to have any sympathy left for such an awful, selfish, stupid character. I don't understand how you or anyone could like her.

Congratulations, anon, you just got a very high ranking on my list of "Asks clearly done in bad faith." Way to completely misrepresent a character and entire plot points just 'cause you think "I find this character annoying/I think their rivals more interesting" isn't enough of a justification to root for the Greens. I'm team Black all the way, and even I absolutely adore these motherfuckers, it's fine. You don't need to bullshit an "intelectual" argument to say you just don't vibe with a character.

Her first scene shows her riding a dragon

Yes. She's a Targaryen. That's kind of their thing. Plus, HBO has to show off their new CGI effects and designs for dragons. As for it showing she has a rebellious side by just flying off whenever she pleases, the same could be said about Arya and Brienne taking interest in typically "male" activities very early into Game Of Thrones. Stablishing a character's trait is a feature of every story, not a bug that needs to be fixed.

She claims her pregnant mother is not being taken care of, even though her unborn sibling is - how does that work?

The very first episode already makes it VERY clear how that works. Aemma had a ton of miscarriages/stillbirths. She literally tells her husband that this is her last pregnancy because SHE HAS MOURNED ALL THE DEAD CHILDREN SHE CAN.

Aemma's discomfort at being heavily pregnant is not just about the regular toll it'd take on the body of any woman. It's about the painful, traumatic experience of going through that typical discomfort, feeling it turn into pure agony as something goes very wrong, and then realizing she's lost yet another child.

And let's not forget, after she of course experiences complications during childbirth - this time with it being impossible to deliver the baby - her husband betrays her in the worst way possible by gently holding her hand and simply saying "They're going to get the baby out now" in a comforting way despite knowing fully well that he just gave the maester and midwifes permission to cut her open and gut her like a fish to get the kid out, and we see her begging them to not to do this to her. After the death of Aemma AND her child, all everyone can think about is "The king needs a wife, time to throw my daughter at him"

The Viserys needed a son. That was more important than Aemma's physical and mental health. More important than her LIFE. Rhaenyra pointing that out is NOT nonsense, it's literally her being the only one to recognize just how unfair and downright cruel this is.

She is rude to Rhaenys for no reason

Congratulations, you finally made a good point! That was indeed a shitty thing for Rhaenyra to do, and Rhaenys was fully right to point out that she isn't as superior as she thinks she is - which leads us to...

Interrupts a meeting to show off

Rhaenys correctly pointed out to Rhaenyra that, even though Viserys had everyone swear they'd accept her as their queen once he passed away, he was not doing anything to make anyone respect her - in fact, he was expecting her to just be quiet and serve men drinks during a meeting, and somehow that was supposed to make them take her seriously as his heir instead of ridiculing her.

Considering that, is it really any surprise that Rhaenyra tries to go against her father to remind the men HE made swear loyalty to her that she WILL be queen, that she can and will take action? Especially since her dad's main flaw both as a king and as a person is his complete inability to take charge of anything - to the point that a war was is about to start without his permission because he's doing fuck all to address the issue that spark that conflict in the first place.

Her conflict with Daemon at Dragonstone

Daemon, a Targaryen prince with a dragon of his own, stole a dragon egg. He deliberately stole the one that was meant for Baelor, Viserys's dead son, the "heir for a day". The one that was chosen for him by Rhaenyra, the king's new heir - aka the new threat to Daemon. He even goes as far as pretending he took a second wife (who everyone knows was a whore), once again without the king's permission since Targaryens are no longer having multiple wives by that point, and lying about her being pregnant. All of this is taking place in Dragonstone - a place that belongs to Rhaenyra.

This isn't a petty fight. This is Daemon trying to spite his family, and all of Westeros, because he's bitter he won't be king. He is openly defying Viserys's authority and chosen heir, basically daring him and anyone else who has a problem with it to go face him.

And Rhaenyra does. Because she's not a doormat like Viserys. She defuses a VERY tense situation that could have easily led to a massacre by reminding Daemon that he ain't the only one who has a dragon. She calls his bluff by daring him to go ahead and get rid of her so he can be king, and thus Daemon, noticing this won't be as easy he expected AND gaining more respect for his niece, gives her the egg back.

Daemon started shit because he wanted attention, Rhaenyra put him in his place. HOW does that cast a bad light on her?

Rhaenyra not wanting to be married/have kids

In her own words "My mother was made to produce heirs until it killed her. I don't want the same fate." A pretty understandble stance if you ask me - and Rhaenyra takes it so seriously, she even worries about Alicent's well-being and comfort when Viserys drags her to a hunting trip to celebrate Aegon's birthday, even though she's heavily pregnant and the long hours in the carriage are obviously quite a pain for her. I remind you, this is while Rhaenyra is still VERY mad at Alicent. That's how serious of an issue this was for her.

"Oh but she still had pre-marital sex anyway." Yes, but let's look at the context for it because it absolutely matters.

First she nearly lost her virginity to Daemon in a brothel - because he explicitly mentioned that this would be solely for pleasure, OUTSIDE of marriage and all of it's obligations - aka he could not possibly demand her to have his bastard if she were to end up pregnant as that would be a scandal, and Viserys himself gives her moon-tea after he hears of it to make sure it will stay a secret and have no consequences.

She then goes all the way with Criston Cole. A member of the kings guard. A man that not only holds zero political power (and in fact answers to HER), but also vowed to never have a wife or father any children. Once again, offering her zero risk of ending up in the same situation as Aemma.

Viserys finds out she's not a virgin anymore (though he doesn't know the actual man she slept with) and thus FORCES her to marry Laenor - and Rhaenyra once again tries to assure her own agency won't be disregarded, by making a deal with her (gay) future husband: they'll do their duty, then be with the actual people they want to be. Once again, there's a very clear separation between marriage/duty and love/sex/freedom.

On her demanding Daemon elope with her and make her his wife

Let's not forget the context here: Daemon showed up at her wedding, obviously against Viserys's wishes, and tries to talk Rhaenyra out of marrying Laenor - something which obviously would mean a lot of trouble for her. So, she turns the tables on him. If he's going to be selfish and demand her to go against the king, then he better give her damn good reason to do so. A one-night stand or even a proper affair like what she had with Criston won't be enough. He has to prove he is not all bark, no bite. He has to fight the guards around them, take her to Dragonstone and marry her.

As for her still being upset that he didn't do it, even after all these years, and wanting to be his wife, we can't forget that:

1 - Her agreement with Laenor went horribly wrong as he is not doing his part - be it on giving her kids or keeping his private life PRIVATE.

2 - Harwin, her lover of many years, is dead, and their children are now targets since the Greens are no longer willing to pretend they're not bastards.

3 - She NEEDS a powerful ally on her side and Daemon, for all his flaws, proved he is surely more competent than the ones she had at that time.

4 - Daemon marrying her would officially remove him for the list of potential heirs of Viserys.

5 - They had a genuine connection that they were forced to ignore, and Daemon quite clearly was just as into her even after all these years.

It makes perfect sense for her to not only want to be with him now, but to think that her life would have been better if they had gotten together years ago.

Her anger at Alicent

Unlike what you implied, Rhaenyra's problem with Alicent becoming Viserys's second wife is not because of pre-marital sex (which they didn't have) or because she was expecting Viserys to just never re-marry (she full on told him she understood that it was his duty).

Her problem was that they lied to her. Viserys made it sound like he was only gonna marry a new woman out of duty, then rejects a perfect politcal match to be with his daughter's best friend. The best friend that pretended nothing was going between them. Their wedding is announced just SIX MONTHS after Aemma's death.

"Oh, but Alicent only did it because her father basically forced her to! And then Viserys also demanded her silence, and she couldn't say not to the king!" And how would Rhaenyra know? Alicent never explained it to her, not even after they became friends again - because, yeah, they made up. Then fought again. Then made up again. And repeated the cicle about 500 times through the years.

And before you go "Oh, Rhaenyra should have been aware of the power imbalance!" let me remind you that these characters don't live in our modern world, with our modern understanding of these things, AND that the Game Of Thrones is all about people stabbing each other in the back to gain power. If you want to hold that against Rhaenyra, you also have to hold Alicent accountable for shaming her friend who was seduced by a much older man that also happened to be her clearly insane uncle (and even though she had political power over Criston, let's not forget that he was ALSO an adult man that was already very flirty with 15-year-old Rhaenyra and started sleeping with her while she was still 17, a minor by our standards).

"Oh, but Rhaenyra lied to Alicent and got her father fired! She even swore on her dead mother!"

1 - Otto was very clearly trying to make his grandson the heir instead of Rhaenyra and had her followed to get dirt on her. Can't dig someone's grave then get mad that they are very willing to save themselves through any means necessary, or at least drag you down with them.

2 - Otto ruined Alicent's life. I don't care that he is her father, that she loves him, and that he genuinely loves her in his own way. That man is an utter bastard and he had it coming.

3 - That is not even on the top 50 most fucked up things that happened in House of The Dragon. Save your outrage at Rhaenyra for when she inevitably commits some war crimes.

On Rhaenyra's bastards

Like I said, Laenor did not keep his end of their agreement. They even explicitly say that they TRIED for a while, but it just didn't work - meaning either they had sex a few times and Laenor was too uncomfortable to keep trying even after these first attempts failed to get Rhaenyra pregnant, or that he hated it SO MUCH that they never really had sex. Either way, is very clear: Rhaenyra would NEVER be able to have kids with this man.

But did she need to have kids with Harwin? Yes, because if she has no heirs, be these heirs her legitimate children or her bastards, then nobody will bother to crown her just to then have one of Aegon's children reign after her. If she has no kids, she's never becoming queen at all.

But bastards are, to put it mildly, looked down on by everyone - and while their fathers are seen as just men who had a moment (or several) or weakness, their mothers are seen as no different than the cheapest of whores. OBVIOUSLY that would also be used not just to make sure Rhaenyra would never bee queen, but also for people to humiliate and mistreat her sons.

That is why she had to constantly demand them to inherit anything Velaryon, even if it meant ignoring Laena's daughters or Corlys's brother. If she lets any Velaryon inherit something that should have been meant for Laenor's sons, people will have even more reason to wonder if he ever really had any sons in the first place.

Why she didn't support other women more often

Rhaenyra was not perfect (and thank God for that, because perfection is boring). She either didn't care enough about other women wanting to have the same rights as men, or she just knew that she would already need a miracle to truly become queen and that if she tried changing the rules even more, then she'd be killed as soon as her dad kicked the bucket.

Both options would make her rather selfish, but I tend to lean towards thinking the second one is the truth. We only saw her talk down to another woman once - with Rhaenys, who put her on her damn place - and got A TON of scenes of her showing at least some compassion for Alicent, even DECADES after their friendship was officially ruined.

Conclusion

Like/dislike any character as much as you want. Just don't lie about what actually happens in the story. And more importantly, don't send people asks with the intention of pissing them off by talking shit about a character you know they like. That's childish and pathetic.

[noodyl-blasstal]

Monster mash 16 and Taako!

"I am not losing this bet, so I’m staying right here. And If I die in this haunted house, at least everyone will know I wasn’t a coward." From Monster Mash Prompts which you can find here. 

Thank you so much for this prompt - sorry that it’s essentially just a lot of stupid ideas in a trench coat.

______________

“Taako, just one more time, just to clarify, the reason you rang me at work, told me there was an emergency, asked me to bring the car, and to come straight away was because you needed a lift?” Kravitz leaned sulkily on the door frame, watching Lup and Barry gathering their bags of kit in the background.

“I’m gay Krav, I can’t drive.” Taako replied, rolling his eyes and shouldering his cooler. As if this was some kind of actual justification???

Lup snorted out a laugh, which she quickly turned to a cough as Taako wheeled to glare at her.

“Taako. Love of my life, man of my dreams,my betrothed, I have some news about my sexuality.” Kravitz was struggling to keep his tone even, but if he laughed he lost the argument.

“What do you mean, Krav?” Barry batted his eyelashes, face a picture of innocence.

“Krav… have, have you been lying to Taako?” Lup gasped. “How could you?”

Kravitz gave an exaggerated groan. He hated them, he loved them.

"Can I at least come in before I come out?"

"No!" They all chorused, moving towards the door.

"You can come out in the car, stud." Taako reassured him. 

“I hate you all. Where are we going?” Kravtiz didn’t mean to ask the second bit, it just popped out. Obviously he wasn’t driving them anywhere because he was going back to work.

“Ghost house.” They replied as one.

“Ghost house.” Kravitz repeated. So, an evening spent in the middle of nowhere while Lup delighted in scaring Barry, and, by extension, Taako. Perfect. “Are you doing another collab?”

“Lup bet this one was too scary for me.” Taako said. Kravitz wagered that Lup was probably right.

“Uh huh, so you…” Kravitz waited for the reply

“Designed a three course meal which is the perfect accompaniment to spooky boys.” Taako answered, grabbing Kravitz’s shoulder and pushing to turn him round. “Now stop stalling. It’s a few hours drive and we need to get the kit set up.”

“I didn’t agree to drive you anywhere.” Kravitz said as he was steered towards his car.

“Uh huh.” Taako passed him a cooler. His stupid traitor hands took it.

“I shouldn’t have left work.” Kravitz definitely shouldn’t have left work. Okay, so he’d put in loads of overtime lately, and his boss was his Mum, and when he’d said he needed to leave she’d rolled her eyes and told him to have a good weekend. But it wasn’t too late to go back to work… Kravitz opened the car.

“I should go back.” 

“Okey dokey bud.” Barry grinned placidly as he piled into the back of the car with his equipment.

“Sounds like a plan, Kraverino.” Said Lup, opening the passenger side door.

“I’ll miss you while I’m getting eaten by ghosts.” Taako said, ducking under Lup’s arm to claim the front seat as his own. “Flip wizard!” He added, flipping Lup off lazily when she huffed her disapproval.

Kravitz buckled his seatbelt, looked at the car full of the most irritating people he knew, and told Taako to put the address into the satnav. 

“So anyway, I’m gay.” He said, as they pulled away.

_____________________________________________________________

Once they’d jimmied their way through a loose side door, Taako had set up his gas stove in the kitchen and wrestled the oven back to life somehow. He laid out a beautiful cloth on the dining room table while Barry tinkered with the EMF gauge and Lup arranged the lights. Kravitz stayed back and handed out tape, drinks, and snacks. It had long been established that his best contribution to this part of any shoot was staying out of the way as much as possible.

They’d both filmed their intros and Lup and Barry had gone to tour the house while Taako prepped his ingredients, flirting with the camera while Kravitz pretended he wasn’t completely entranced watching his fiance perform so effortlessly - it never got old. Taako was chopping chocolate when the scraping noises started. He rolled his eyes hard at the camera and told them that Lup was up to her usual tricks. Kravitz was glad. Lup delighted in scaring Barry whenever they did this, and Taako always got suckered in too - no matter how much he said he didn’t believe in ghosts. It was all fun and games for Lup, but Krav was the one who had to go through ‘ghost proofing’ the house, sleeping with the lights on, sternly telling off the wind if it sounded too spooky, and making a salt line around the perimeters each night (while also trying to stop the cats eating it) for at least a week after the ‘haunting’. Lup could never know, Taako had sworn him to secrecy, and as much as Kravitz would love to just tell her to stop, he also loved that Taako let him in on this weakness, so the pattern would continue. So far though… so good. Maybe tonight would be better.

___________________________

“Okay, listen close and listen hard, Taako’s going to repeat this step twice for you: Wash. Your. Hands. What did I say Krav?” 

Kravitz rolls his eyes affectionately. Taako has recently started talking to him off-screen in his videos and it’s nice that he trusts him enough. Not that Kravitz would ever star in them - he was not a chef - but the last guy who’d worked with Taako and featured in them had been awful. Trusting Kravitz enough to involve him in the Taako brand (tee em tee em tee em) felt like a prize.

“Wash your hands!” Kravitz repeated with enthusiasm.

“Why do we do that?” Taako asks grinning. 

“So you don’t get chilli on your dick.” Kravitz knew the line well by now.

“So you don’t get chilli on your dick.” Taako intones seriously, and smirks at the camera. “Not that chaboy ever would, Taako knows better, but you all need reminding.”

Taako was most of the way through the spicy meatball starter (“...it’s not about any eyeball bullshit, Krav, it’s about the fact that if you don’t simmer it long enough the sauce is watery as fuck. Horrifying!”) when Lup and Barry reappeared. Lup immediately jumped into shot.

“Hope you’re all excited for some more Blair Witch Project style vlogging while Taako runs from the terrifying monsters. Turns out we’ve already got some dropping temperatures and spooky crackles upstairs! This one’s gonna be baller!” 

Taako bumped her out of frame with his hip and kept cooking. Lup dived back in to roll her eyes and throw up a peace sign, then scooted off to do more important ghost business. To be fair, it wasn’t usually until after the food that things got bad - an occupied Taako was not a spooked Taako. Given time to think though? That’s when things went wrong.

_______________________

“Now that the souffle is in, we have to kill some time. Let's go and help Lup and Barold check the spookometers. Although…” Taako took a moment to glare threateningly at the space around them. “...if any ghosts make too much noise they’ll ruin the rise and they won’t get to enjoy my cooking. The joke’s on them if they fuck it up.”

Kravitz still isn’t entirely sure how Taako got the oven working, or if it’s safe to leave it running, but it’s probably best that they’re further away if it explodes anyway.

___________________

“And that’s it. Three courses to enjoy with your life-challenged friends! Thank you for cooking along with me. Be sure to like and subscribe, and make sure you check out Lup and Barry’s channel too, Phantasmal Resplendent, link in the description box. This has been Sizzle It Up With Phantasms, thank you for watching!”

Taako wiggles his fingers, blows a kiss, and then, finally, shuts off the camera. 

“Okay Bones, we’re off the hook for content now! How shall we keep ourselves entertained?” He waggles his eyebrows alluringly and trails a hand up Kravitz’s arm.

“Taako, we’re in what’s apparently a murder house, your sister and Barold are upstairs, and it’s freezing.” Taako knows this, he just likes to make Kravitz play the reasonable one.

“I can think of some options for warming you up.” More eyebrow waggling.

“Taako! You absolutely have to behave.” Kravitz knows Taako’s just teasing, but he still feels a blush rising. This man will be the death of him. 

“Spoilsport.” Taako mutters, then jumps as a loud creaking noise comes from above them. “Shit. What was that?” Taako’s head snaps up towards the ceiling. Kravitz prepares himself for a long night of this and hopes that Lup is done fucking with Barry soon. Taako always ends up as collateral.

“It’s okay, just an old house. It’s probably settling.” Kravitz replies reassuringly. The loud, chilling laugh, followed by a scraping as if furniture was being dragged around somewhat ruined the calming effect.

“Nope.” Taako says simply, hitting the floor, and scooting under the tablecloth.

Kravitz crouched down, lifted the cloth, and looked in at Taako balled up underneath. “Do you want to go, love? I don’t mind. We can wait in the car? Or drive to that service station a bit back? Lup and Barry can just ring when they’re done.”

Taako shook his head emphatically. “Lup bet I couldn’t do this.” He muttered. Kravitz opened his mouth to tell him that it didn’t matter, but Taako cut him off. “Taako does not lose bets, so I’m staying right here, and you’re staying right here with me because I need you. If I die in this haunted house, at least everyone will know I wasn’t a coward. Now hold my hand.” Kravitz was going to marry this idiot so hard. He grabbed Taako’s hand, laced their fingers, and kissed his knuckles. Their linked hands made worming his way under the table to join Taako tricky, but it was worth it.

“It’s going to be alright, love.” Kravitz said, tucking Taako under his free arm, other hand still firmly linked. And it was alright, there was more creepy laughter, and the temperature just kept dropping, but although the table occasionally creaked the cloth didn’t lift. Kravitz hoped they could just stay here until Lup and Barry were done. Then they heard the scream. It wasn’t Barry’s, they knew Barry’s, that was a scream Kravitz had never heard before. Taako immediately stiffened and began to push Kravitz’s arm away. 

“It’s okay, love.” Kravitz tried to hug him closer.

“It’s fucking not.” Taako ducked under his arm and out from under the table. “Get off my sister, ghost bastards!” Taako yelled as he ran for the stairs.

Kravitz scrambled after Taako. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him move so quickly. There was a second scream and Taako ran even faster, taking the last few stairs two at a time and kicking open the door the noise seemed to be coming from. Kravitz desperaturely tried to focus on the matter at hand, but fuck that was hot.

He made it into the room just in time to see Taako flinging himself at Lup and tackling her to the ground, then springing back up in a low stance in front of her. Lup was pale and shaking, silent tears running down her face.

Then Kravitz saw Barry.

What was left of Barry.

Fuck, that was a lot of blood.

Kravitz fell to his knees beside the prone form - he might be used to working with corpses, but he knew how to recognise when someone wasn’t one yet. “Lup, what happened?” Kravitz waited a beat for her reply. None came. “You need to tell me so I can help him.”

“I, I don’t know… I was checking the temperature readings and I turned round and…” Lup tailed off.

Kravitz hunched over Barry, reaching to check his pulse, trying to ignore the cloying sweet smell of his blood.

The cloying sweet smell.

For fuck’s sake. Kravitz poked Barry’s ‘corpse’ hard in the cheek. Barry cracked open an eye and grinned up at him.

“He’s not dead.” Kravitz said, sitting back on his heels.

“Can you save him?” Taako asked hesitantly, he had slumped to the ground to wrap a comforting arm round Lup’s shoulders and looked equally as ashen.

“From Lup? Probably not.” Kravitz replied, rolling his eyes as Barry started laughing.

Lup’s head snapped up immediately and the fear was replaced with a look that Kravitz hoped he was never on the receiving end of. Taako let go just in time as Lup dived for Barry.

“I thought you were dead! You absolute fuck!”

Kravitz couldn’t tell if she was hugging him or trying to squeeze the life out of him for real. 

“Are you okay, love? That was a lot.” Kravitz reached out a hand to tug Taako up from the floor.

“Oh yeah, chaboy’s great. Just thought my sister was getting murdered and saw my best friend’s bloody corpse. Taako’s all good. All in a night’s work” Taako replied.

“Uh huh. So you don’t need a hug?” Kravitz asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not while you’re covered in Barry’s…” Taako takes a moment to sniff Kravitz’s shirt, pokes the ‘blood’ with a finger and tentatively licks it. “... syrup? Barold! What the actual fuck? Everything’s going to be so sticky.” 

“Worth it!” Barry says happily, finally getting up. “That’s for all the times you got me. Don’t worry, I got the whole thing on camera.” 

Lup glares hard and dives for the tripod in the corner. “Already backed up online.” Barry’s shit eating grin doesn’t falter.

“It wasn’t because I thought it was a ghost.” Lup says.

“Yeah, sure Lup, of course.” Barry replies. 

“It was because you were hurt. I thought you were dead!” Lup’s voice was deadly serious, usual attitude gone. “I thought you were dead…” Her voice cracks.

Kravitz wonders if there’s a way for him to grab Taako and get out. Maybe she and Barry are finally going to have a conversation.

Taako clearly has the same thought and the two of them make for the door. Barry and Lup don’t look round.

“I hope they remembered to switch off the camera.” Taako stage whispers to Kravitz as they walk back down the stairs.

Kravitz huffs out a laugh. Safely downstairs he tugs Taako into a hug, despite the feigned disgust at Barry’s syrup. “You were so brave.” 

Taako grins up at him. “Obvi. Chaboy doesn’t scare easy.”  Kravitz decides it’s not the time to present any evidence to the contrary, and runs a hand up his back instead. “So, that thing with the door…”

[unlicensed-un-proffesional]

This whole situation going on with how tumblr treats trans women has me fuckin' fuming. Rant under cut.

It's not just me who sees tumblr's continued issues with trans women existing on here as a continuation of moral panic around sexual deviancy that just lumped all non-cishet dating and sex for non-reproductive reasons under the same Deviant umbrella and criminalized them? Like it's the same tactics, it's the same justification, it's the same shit if not literally then obviously in spirit. It's the same. Fucking. Laws. Being used to criminalize trans people existing in public! Especially trans women. It's not just tumblr staff being stupid or bigoted, it's them taking part in an ongoing attack against trans women with very trackable ancestry that goes back to puritanism and moral panic of the 20th century, from early forms of Nazism to the relatively more modern Lavender Scare.

Trans women in particular are probably especially targeted because they're the ones even some queer people are more likely to throw to the wolves. I'm pretty sure the reason predstrogen was just banned at the time she was is because there started forming a mob of assholes who wouldn't care or would've liked it if she was banned, who came out of the woodworks to defend the ban. She is a more controversial figure whose friends and defenders will immediately be met with enemies and counterattackers. And this isn't just a tumblr thing, if anything it's worse offline.

The online world is supposed to be a goddamn safe space for the marginalized and fringe, you won't see me taking part in that because I have too much built in shame of myself, but I damn well notice how the supposed safe and queer friendly spaces of the internet are being taken away from people, the most vulnerable and controversial of identities first. I mean if bigender bi lesbians can't go a day online without having to confront some kind of personal attack in the supposed "queerest place on earth" or whatever, how the hell are we going to make the offline world any fucking safer for even straight trans women, or cis lesbians? Hell you could say just cis women, or just the idea of a woman is under attack online, especially if you look somewhere like Reddit or Youtube or Twitter, they're not even done with old misogyny, let alone transmisogyny!

The fucking Real World is shittier than ever too, between Capitalism, Colonialism, and Imperialism reigning supreme with the halo of Fascism behind it across the world, cis white women in the US of A still face misogyny everywhere every fucking day, and if you're a black woman good luck, greater luck be unto you if you're trans or even just a combination of any two marginalized identities because at that point the whole world really is against you on a fundamental level and you'll need the luck to stay breathing. The situation on this site currently is such a fucking setback that other queers are clapping for and have been for every unfair ban on here. It's not just internet discourse, it's the shadow of the real world and its prejudice right here fucking with peoples online presence. Just as corporatization has crawled from reality to the internet to fuck it up, so has bigotry, and soon there really will be nowhere you can go without spending money and having to be the few correct ways there are to be a person.

[nancywheelersgirlfriend]

hey so for the fic request, i was wondering if you could do a fic about the mike will jonathan and argyle road-trip but they have to stay at a motel and byler has to share a bed (not anything yk bc they’re literally children) but through mikes pov i just wanna see him have a gay panic and freak out and get his inner thoughts

this is my first byler fic!! more of a short character study than anything. i hope this is what you were looking for!!! :)

gentle on my mind (1,392 words)

“We can only afford one room.”

Mike didn’t realize he was supposed to react with anything but mild annoyance before the sentence hit him square in the chest. Nearly knocked back by the emotional weight, in reality he stood and teetered to the side. The rest of the group interpreted this as his tiredness. He knew otherwise.

There was something about the implication of one room that bothered him. Two beds. Four boys. Honestly, the fact that it was getting to him was worse than the actual situation; had he never shared his bed before? Of course he had. Back when they were small enough, he and Lucas would sleep shoulder-to-shoulder on the bottom bunk of his bedroom, Dustin and Will on the top. That was how they spent summer nights. But they’d stopped doing that years ago. Mike had been sleeping alone.

Tonight, though, he wouldn’t be. Out in nowhere Nevada, shackled by clothes days-old and smelly, stood in between his best friend’s brother and said brother’s best friend, ignoring all eye contact with his best friend and trying not to wish for the world to implode. 

Instead Mike stared at the water stain on the ceiling that looked a little like a mushroom cloud. He could hear Jonathan’s low conversation with the woman at the desk only in subtle vocal tones - parents in Charlie Brown style. He knew, distantly, that this should be the least of his worries. And it was. He was trying to make it so, at least. El was somewhere lost in the desert. He hadn’t seen her in days. Sleeping arrangements shouldn’t have mattered to him.

“You alright, little dude?” Argyle asked. His voice was swimming. Mike turned away from the ceiling to glance over his shoulder, realizing he’d stayed rooted in place while his travel companions had begun heading for their motel room. 

“Uh, yeah,” Mike said intelligently. He picked up his lead-heavy feet and followed after, trailing and bumping into the columns as they walked back across the parking lot. He missed the comfort of his own bed. He missed his ability to avoid conversations he didn’t want to have. 

Sleeping in a bed with Will meant that they would have to talk. About what, exactly, Mike honestly wasn’t too sure of. The list seemed endless. He dreaded having to come up with reasons for why he had acted the way he had - all oblivious and stupid, no letters or calls or nothing. In reality he had no justification for the way he had treated Will. In his mind…

In his mind it was a different story. But a story he wasn’t willing to utter aloud, especially to the boy he’d have to survive sleeping next to. Getting killed in his sleep wasn’t on Mike’s bucket list. 

He watched Jonathan fiddle with the lock, some shitty key bent halfway down from years of misuse. Across the motel Mike suspected no-doubt shady dealings were going down; they were so isolated. Still in the back of his mind he knew the most intense and unpleasant event to happen that night would be sharing this stupid bed. 

“Right or left?” Will asked. Mike blinked back into focus to see that somehow, somewhere, he had made it through the heavy red door and was now stood at the foot of the offending bed. He looked at his best friend and back down at the mattress. 

“I don’t care,” Mike managed to choke out. He spun on his heel because just the sight of the bed was making his hands clammy. Will shuffled behind him, Jonathan and Argyle arguing by the bathroom sink. Mike moved to stand and look out the motel window. Past the opposite end of rooms, rooms potentially available to avoid sleeping in the same bed as your best friend, the desert stretched on endlessly. El could be anywhere. They were so alone out there. Mike was alone.

Except -

“Let’s go to sleep,” Will dragged out the last word childishly. Mike heard the springs of the mattress groan underneath his weight. He tore his eyes from the desert and submitted to his fate. 

Will was sprawled out on the bed, long legs kicking back and all, his hair ruffled from the day’s stress. His face was pressed into the pillow. Mike watched his mouth come slightly ajar to breathe deeper in sleep, eyes pressed shut. His eyelashes fanned out on his cheeks. He’d gotten tan in California, hadn’t he? Mike had never seen Will as anything other than on the verge of translucent. But the sun had given him colors. And freckles. Freckles that spread out across his nose, his arms. They dotted his forehead, disappearing into his bangs. It looked good. He looked good - you know. Having color. It made him healthy. Obviously he didn’t look good for any other reason.

“Mike!” Will said again. He flopped out a spaghetti limb to pat at the empty space beside him, but he didn’t open his eyes. Mike swallowed, sent up a quick prayer, and submitted to his fate.

Jonathan flicked off the last light left in between them. The room was shrouded in darkness. Only the blue light of the motel sign across the way was visible. Its neon power dripped onto the floor through the blinds, casting shadows on Will’s face. 

Mike knew he should turn over on his other side and forget the whole thing entirely. Laying on this side (his left) specifically to watch Will do whatever it was he did while he was sleeping was the stupidest idea Mike had ever had the pleasure of having. But he didn’t turn around. And neither did Will. The latter because he was halfway to REM by this point. The former for no particular reason.

Except there was a reason. He liked watching the way Will’s eyelashes fluttered everytime he took a breath. The subtle shift of his chest in a rhythm Mike appreciated paying attention to. The way the blue light of the sign lit up Will’s face in a way Mike had never seen before. Distantly Mike was reminded of the time he’d slept over at Will’s house during his period of hospitalization. How strange and affected Will had been then. He’d been at his palest. Sickly.

Now he looked healthy and good. He looked like a stranger. Maybe Mike had been the one making him sickly all along, and now that Will had moved he was thriving. He didn’t know. They hadn’t had time to talk about it. No letters or phonecalls either. Mike realized he’d committed a worse act than sharing a bed with your best friend - sharing a bed with a stranger.

God, but he didn’t want Will to be a stranger. It killed him inside to call him that. He wanted to know everything about Will inside and out. He wanted to be with Will constantly so that he wouldn’t even have to tell him - they’d sense it together, as they had when they were kids. He missed that closeness. He was desperately craving it right now, lying with a good foot of space in between himself and Will.

Slowly the realization that Mike had been avoiding for years budded at the back of his neck; like a Pompeii-level migraine. He ignored it. There were more important things to worry about. El was gone. He hadn’t called his mom in days and had no real way to.

But he wanted. Mike wanted. What he wanted he couldn’t admit. But it felt realer than anything else. 

Mike reached out and brushed apart Will’s bangs on his forehead, feather light and nearly unregistered. Will let out a little sigh but he kept his eyes closed. His hair had felt nice.

Mike was hit with a wave of wish, suddenly, to touch Will everywhere. Feel his hair by burying his hands in it. Pull him close for warmth even though Mike was burning up with a mental fever. Press all his fingers into the individual freckles to keep them there, hold them down. 

He was just tired. He was just confused. There were more important things to worry about. Mike swallowed back all protests against himself and shut his eyes. The image of Will, sleeping there with a hand tucked underneath his head, stayed.

It was the best thing he’d ever seen. 

[progg]

Repentance

I want to break down my favorite chapter of Hunter x Hunter and explain what makes it so astonishingly good. The chapter I’m referring to is #337, “Repentance”. In this chapter, Koala delivers his confession to a reincarnated Kite, Gon apologizes, and Koala commits to a life of redemption.

I think Repentance is unjustly disparaged for its low-quality art and lack of major plot beats. While I can understand the complaints, it’s my personal opinion that Repentance is, from a literary standpoint, the most brilliantly written chapter in the series. The chapter is crucial in establishing the major themes in the story.

The objective of this write-up will be threefold.

To explain why Repentance foreshadows the arcs of Gon, Killua, Kurapika, and Leorio, and how it ties in with the recent cyclical symbolism.

To explain how Repentance emphasizes the significance of the soul, existentialism, and spiritual fulfillment, and informs us of Togashi’s philosophy on life.

To explain why I believe Repentance is the most brilliantly written Hunter x Hunter chapter to date.

I’ll begin by doing a line-by-line breakdown of Koala’s speech, after which I’ll analyze the speech on a macro level (including a very cool observation regarding the speech’s structure!). Then, I’ll tie in what happens after the speech, culminating in an explanation of how the chapter encapsulates the entire series.

Before I jump in line-by-line, I’d like to preface how I’m addressing the text. I’ve consulted various different translations, picking out the passages that I believe best convey Togashi’s meaning. What you’ll see for each line is extracted from my “stitched together” version. If the text doesn’t match the associated image or original chapter, that’s why.

With that out of the way, let’s begin!

LINE-BY-LINE BREAKDOWN

“She was a redhead, just like you. The girl I shot to death. Because the ants that were chasing her—they would have their fun with her while she was still alive.”

We start off in medias res, with Koala confessing to the murder of an innocent girl. There’s almost no better way to hook someone into a story than with a sudden life-or-death situation (some of my favorite examples of this are in Dorohedoro and The Graveyard Book). Koala first portrays this murder as a “mercy killing”. He is saving the redhead from a fate worse than death.

“I thought to myself that, even after being reborn as an ant, I was doing the same things. Before all this, it was my job to snuff people. I’d get my orders and pull the trigger. The rest of the time I’d yell a lot. It was a job anyone could do. Even when I was reborn, it was the same thing. A stupid cycle.”

Koala goes on to explain how his occupation before becoming an ant eerily resembled his occupation after, and that he came to this realization shortly before killing the redhead. He takes special time to emphasize the unfulfilling monotony of his human job (see bolded sentences). While the immediate function of these sentences may seem to be explaining Koala’s disdain for the “stupid cycle”, they also support the idea of spiritual fulfillment that will be introduced later in the speech.

“I wanted to free her from that cycle. I don’t know the details… all I thought was that if I let them catch her and have their way with her, she’d be stuck too. A quiet life in a nowhere village, suddenly ended by irrational violence. I shot her, praying she would escape such a cycle.”

Koala justified his actions at the time of the murder in a rather convoluted way. Without the pre-knowledge that Koala regrets his actions, this passage can be a little confusing. It is, after all, an inherently flawed justification. There are many reasons for this, and Koala will explain one in the next section. Thematically, the “cycle” Koala is referring to may also be the Hobbesian cycle of violence alluded to in Ming Jol-ik’s poem. I will discuss this more later.

“But the queen ate hundreds of people, and only a few came back with memories. I guess that means most people escaped without my help. Still, I wanted to do it. I wanted to feel like I helped her escape. The fact that you’re here in the place of that girl means she probably did escape. And I haven’t yet met a previous existence who claims to have been killed by me. I guess… they all escaped.”

Here Koala hints at what will be confirmed near the end of the speech. His decision was rooted in selfishness rather than altruism. He wanted to feel like he helped the redhead escape, but in reality, there’s no reason to believe shooting her would do so.

“Before this, I never believed in the concept of the soul. To me, we were no better than fleas and flies. We lived and died, and that was it. The ego was a glitch, a side effect of an overly complex brain. Death was the end. We would die, disintegrate, and be scattered to tiny bits.”

We’re now approaching the first climax, which is unfortunately misrepresented (I think) by most translations. We’re also diving into some pretty heavy philosophical themes. Koala’s pre-transformation beliefs are essentially rooted in two schools of thought: physicalism, the belief that all things existing in the world are material (there are no souls), and nihilism, the belief that nothing one does in life matters.  What we see next is an almost complete rejection of those two philosophies.

“I thought those bits were nothing, but here I am, standing here, doing the same stupid things. I may be a fool, but I won’t deny what I know, and I won’t ignore what I don’t know. I died. I was torn to pieces and digested into molecules. But it didn’t end there. Those tiny bits that I thought were the ‘end’…  held greater power than I had ever imagined.”

Togashi’s personal beliefs begin to shine through here. Koala was separated into molecules, similar to how our own bodies decompose after death, but the particles he became were immensely powerful. There is something associated with these “tiny bits”, which we’ll come to understand is the soul.

“Tiny particles no larger than pollen are able to store energy for hundreds of thousands of years and affect our health. Even smaller is DNA, where the information that defines our bodies is stored on an elegant double helix. And even smaller, infinitesimally smaller, are the elements which gave birth to the entire universe.”

We’ve hit the first climax. This is an absolutely gorgeous sequence in which Koala categorically describes the relationship between size and power. Particles get smaller and smaller, but more and more powerful, until we reach the unimaginably small things that created the entire universe. Togashi is probably referring to the Big Bang, a scientific theory that dictates at some point, all of the universe was contained within a single point, smaller than an atom.

“The size of a thing has nothing to do with its power. The soul is probably small, but it has enough energy to ‘repeat’ itself.”

The reason for the previous sequence becomes clear. The soul may be just as small as the stuff that created the universe, allowing for Koala’s reincarnation despite being torn to bits. Again, we’re getting into heavy philosophical territory. I’m not sure where the soul resides in this context—if it’s in a specific location or if it exists throughout one’s body. I believe Togashi intended the latter. In this case, it would seem the soul can be salvaged from any portion of the body (this is how it works in Gene Wolfe’s The Book of the New Sun).

There’s also a very interesting implication here that the soul may be tied to the creation of the universe itself. An individual soul may, in some inscrutable way, be connected to all other matter. There are various schools of religion and philosophy that reflect this, including animus mundi, the hypothetical intrinsic connection between all living beings, and pantheism, the belief that God is synonymous with the universe. The idea of interconnectedness also comes up again in the very next chapter with the "world tree".

The animus mundi.

Whether you agree with these beliefs or not, this is a beautifully written passage that accommodates an equally beautiful belief system. It’s an argument for the existence of souls that is heavily rooted in uncertainty, but the way it unfolds is wonderfully poetic.

“So was I reborn just to ‘repeat’ the cycle? I don’t know what the future will bring. This is all just speculation. But something inside me is saying I need to stop repeating.”

Whereas the previous passage was heavily based on physicalism and spiritualism, the next is rooted in nihilism and existentialism. Existentialism is the belief that humans are in control of their fate. In other words, they are not doomed to “repeat the cycle”.

“Maybe the reason we have to repeat or redo things is because something was missing the first time. The body is slow to move if the heart isn’t into it. Even in my previous life, I kept thinking “this isn’t right”. And I’ll end up doing it all over again. I’ll keep thinking “this isn’t right”, because I’ll always make the wrong choice.”

Now we’re approaching the second climax. Remember when I mentioned how Koala’s previous life lacked spiritual fulfillment? That's what was “missing” back then. In order to break free of a self-destructive cycle, and by extension nihilism, one has to act in a way that satisfies their soul. This idea is extremely important when considering the arcs of the four protagonists, among others. More on that at the end of the write-up.

“I shouldn’t have shot the girl, but the guys chasing after her!”

Boom! We’re back at the beginning, but this time, things have changed. Having realized something was missing in his heart, Koala comes to a cathartic realization. He should have shot the ants, not the girl! The fact he has realized this already shows he is on the path to redemption.

“I was the biggest scumbag of all—I couldn’t ‘escape’ because I didn’t want to face the pain of my mistakes. I prayed for her escape? That was just an excuse. I shot her to protect myself. And now I’m making my confession to you because you look like her. Just trying to save my own dirty soul again. It’s a rather pathetic story, but thanks for listening.”

Koala is already introspecting and “facing the music”, which is exactly what he needs to do in order to break free of the cycle. He’s not there yet (he’ll take until the end of the chapter to get there), but it’s a step in the right direction.

GENERAL BREAKDOWN

Right off the bat, I’ll reveal the thing that blew my mind when I re-read this chapter. So much of Koala’s speech is about cycles, and when it comes down to it, the speech itself is a cycle. It’s a long, chiastic poem that begins where it ends and ends where it begins. It’s pure poetry. The prose is beautiful, the structure is beautiful. It’s just really, really, impressive writing.

Shooting the redhead → freeing (the redhead) from the cycle → meditations on the soul → freeing (Koala) from the cycle → shooting the redhead (but with a twist!)

Note that each half of the speech is essentially inverted. This coincides perfectly with the recent influx of Mobius strip symbolism, as well as the respective arcs of Kurapika, Killua, and Gon. If this is seems too abstract, don’t worry. I’ll elaborate more in the final section. For now, just remember how the speech is inverted.

Another really impressive thing about Koala’s speech is it’s focused on a character we have little attachment to. Koala has been irrelevant for many chapters, yet he delivers one of the most profound speeches possible. The same thing occurs with Ming Jol-ik’s poem at the end of the Chimera Ant arc (he’s not the writer, but the poem is associated with him).

“Come. Let us raise a glass. Let us drink… to this creature called man. Good and evil repeat in an endless cycle… on the spiral of time, where a lifetime is far too long for peace yet far too short for war. That is why they yearn. That is why they foster. If only they knew… that all one needs in life is the sun, the soil and poetry.” – CHAPTER 315

I think this poem, like Koala’s speech, loses some of its eloquence in translation. Still, it’s wonderfully written and echoes the idea that spiritually fulfilling actions are needed to break free of deadly, Hobbesian cycles.

Lastly, Koala’s speech gives us a pretty good idea regarding Togashi’s personal beliefs. I don’t want to assume anything, so I won’t. I’ll keep things pretty broad. Religion in Japan is a bit different than in other places. Despite Shinto and Buddhist beliefs permeating society, most Japanese do not identify with either religion.

The influence of Buddhism on Togashi’s works is clear, not only with Netero’s Nen, but also with the recurrent themes of resurrection. Reincarnation, in Buddhism, takes place via an endless cycle known as saṃsāra. As long as one has not achieved enlightenment, they will be reborn into the mortal world. Only by acting with good karma can one achieve nirvāṇa, and escape the cycle. This is very similar to Koala’s speech.

A depiction of saṃsāra.

This is also why I love Togashi’s take on resurrection. Sure, it can feel like a get-out-of-jail-free card sometimes, but in Hunter x Hunter, it’s much, much more than that. People change, undergoing literal and symbolic rebirths. I think it’s almost undeniable that Togashi believes in some aspect of the soul persisting after death. This idea is at the core of his previous work, YuYu Hakusho, which also seems influenced by Buddhist beliefs regarding karma. Not to mention, Halkenburg’s ability suggests the soul, in the Hunter x Hunter universe, can be separated from the body and transplanted somewhere else.

At the same time, Koala’s speech is very scientific in nature, and I can also see elements of agnosticism in Togashi’s works. Religion is seldom a focus, and I suspect most of the diverse religious symbolism scattered throughout Hunter x Hunter is simply because Togashi finds it cool.

What I’m most certain of, however, are the existentialist themes that permeate Togashi’s works. The most overt manifestation of this is at the end of the Yorknew City arc, when the Phantom Troupe changes their fates. However, Togashi doesn’t completely reject nihilism (see Keeney’s death on the Black Whale, and also, potentially, the realization of Neon’s prophecies). I think he’s setting up a nice dichotomy between the two. Just because characters can change their fates doesn’t mean they will.

IN THE CONTEXT OF THE CHAPTER

After the speech, Kite demands that Koala repents for his past actions.

Kite says “I’m not giving you a choice”, but Koala’s choice is at the center of this chapter. Koala is not doomed to “repeat the cycle” if he comes to terms with his past actions. He’ll linger nearby as a new visitor, Gon, inadvertently influences his decision.

It’s a bit on the nose, but Gon reaffirms his intent to change his behavior and stay by Kite. His situation directly parallels Koala’s, and a significant amount of space is dedicated to showing Koala hears this. Gon has also undergone a rebirth—at least, a symbolic one. But this time, he is facing the music and repairing his soul.

At the end of the chapter, Koala initiates a conversation with Kite in the same way Gon did: with an apology. And Kite responds, again, in the same way: “Sorry for what?” It’s yet another direct parallel to the interaction with Gon. Koala promises to lead a better life, breaking free of the cycle, and that’s how this deeply symbolic chapter ends.

IN THE CONTEXT OF THE SERIES

So Togashi decided to write a highly poetic chapter about cycles, existentialism, and spiritual fulfillment. What’s the point?

I’ve already mentioned that these themes have been underlying for a very long time, from Ming Jol-ik’s poem to Neon’s fortunes. The idea of repeating cycles is reflected in the arcs of many characters. Many recent events in the story parallel earlier ones. I believe the recent influx of Mobius strip symbolism is meant to be a variation on this cyclical symbolism.

The Mobius strip has only shown up on the cover of Journey to the New World, and the shape of the eponymous Lake Mobius, but it’s clearly significant. The Mobius strip is itself a cycle but is unique in that it contains twists and turns, sometimes overlapping with itself such as the one shown above. Symbolically, this reflects the chiastic structure of Koala’s speech as well as the arcs of several characters. They repeat themselves, but always with slight variations.

Gon

Gon underwent a symbolic rebirth after being healed by Nanika, and now he’s back where he started. His arc is, notably, an inversion of Killua’s. If Killua’s journey begins (in a way) when he accompanies Gon to Whale Island…

…Gon’s begins (in a way) when he returns there, alone.

I suspect that this time around, Gon will take very different actions than he did in the Chimera Ant arc. He’s soul searching on Whale Island, which is exactly what he needs to be doing right now. I wrote more about Gon and Killua’s arcs here, including where they might be headed.

Killua

Killua’s story has deep roots in existentialism. His future is planned out for him by his family, but he decides to take control of his destiny and become a better person.

It takes some time for him to break free, but he mentions never taking pleasure in the assassination business. There was always “something missing” when Killua was an assassin. Now, he seems to be in a much better place spiritually. He has found a new purpose in protecting Alluka (see essay above).

Kurapika

Kurapika represents perhaps the best example of Koala’s cycle-breaking motif. The Succession War parallels Yorknew City in a variety of ways. A self-destructive cycle is repeating for Kurapika, in which he loses a part of himself every time he regains the eyes of his brethren.

He is acting in a way that will not, by any stretch of the imagination, put him at ease (read more here). At some point, he will have to “face the music” and introspect. A symbolic or literal resurrection may be in the works.

Leorio

We will likely see a repeat of Leorio’s backstory occur a second time with Kurapika. Kurapika may be indisposed at the end of the Succession Arc, and Leorio will have to cure him, as he was unable to do for his young friend. I wrote about Leorio a bit in the essay linked above, although we still don’t know much about his arc. However, the opportunity is there for him to have his own “repetition”.

Hisoka

Before his resurrection, Hisoka makes a reference to “the eleventh hour.”

Typically, this phrase means “the latest possible time”, but it also has biblical origins. In the Bible, the eleventh hour refers to a story in which last-minute workers, hired long after the others, work just as hard and are paid the same wage. It’s an allegory for entry into heaven that suggests it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past as long as you become a pious, moral person. Consequently, post-resurrection Hisoka has taken on the almost noble quest of killing the Phantom Troupe. His second life brings him closer to enlightenment, so to speak.

<source>

[riddles-n-games]

The Art of War-V3

    “Why would you do this?” I asked Thea, amending my question.

    “It’s what Emily would have wanted.” Thea pulled a tube of lipstick out of her purse. “If it’s any consolation,” she said, once she was finished turning her lips a sparkling ruby red, “I didn’t do this to you.”

    She’d done it to them.

    “The Hawthornes didn’t kill Emily,” I spat. “Rebecca said that it was her heart.”

    Technically, she’d said that Grayson had said it was her heart.

    “How sure are you that the Hawthorne family isn’t trying to kill you?” Thea smiled. She had been there this morning. She’d been shaken. And now she was acting like this was all a joke.

    “There is something fundamentally wrong with you,” I said.

    My fury didn’t seem to penetrate. “I told you the day we met that the Hawthorne family was a twisted, broken mess.” She stared at the mirror a moment longer. “I never said that I wasn’t one, too.” Like that was a good excuse. I told her as much, “That’s no excuse for what you did. Who are you to decide? Who gave you that right?” I would tell her that she needed therapy, but what good would that do? It was way too late for that and all the same, she was too far gone. She was too deep into Emily’s cult of followers and instead, what she really needed was a mental asylum. Luckily, I could offer that to her or even force her into it; it would be beneficial for everyone involved. It would do the world a load of good.

    “Perhaps it’s not an excuse, but they deserved it. They killed my best friend.” Her voice sounded bitter.

    “No, they did not. It was her own fault and you know it. Don’t pretend she’s innocent, that she wasn’t capable of using her mind rationally and not only in sick, twisted ways for her stupid games. If she was manipulative enough to get Jameson and Grayson competing over her, I think that’s enough to say she was definitely not dumb. She brought her own death upon herself.”  

    Thea stared at me incredulously, blinking slowly in disbelief.  “And who do you think you are that you get to say that? You didn’t even know her. You don’t.” At that, I scoffed and rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

     “Get over yourself, Thea. Like I don’t? Listen to you; those are the words of a hypocrite who just likes to talk and think she has the upper hand every time. Well, news flash; you don’t. Ever since I’ve arrived here, all of you have made some sort of conscientious effort to compare me to her or put me in her place in similar situations. You’re simulating a false reality but face it, she’s gone. The whole reason why I look like this tonight is because you made me, to be their so-called penance. I may be dressed like her but I’m not her. The only reason this problem exists and continues to persist is because you can’t let go; you’re possessed by her and think that by making me look like her, you can get back at the boys. They’re already grieving, reminded by her death constantly and I’ve seen it for myself. Stop it. I’m not Emily, I’m pretty sure I can safely say I’m a better person than she ever was and whatever you do, won’t succeed in the end.”  I was finally done holding back and holding everything in but still held back the idea of throttling her. “Here’s some advice; go to therapy, stop messing around and put that mastermind of yours towards something useful in your life. It might just do you a favor in helping you move on because something tells me you were just as manipulated by her as the rest of them.”

    Seeing as we were getting nowhere, no matter the justification of my points, I decided to leave before Alisa made it her job to hunt me down. Thea just wouldn’t give. At best, she was trying to get under my skin and I wasn’t about to let her; I may not know her well enough but neither does she me. She underestimates me and that’s a grave mistake on her part. “You know, maybe in another world we could’ve been friends but seeing as there’s a slim chance of that happening, I’ll leave you with this. I hope you find peace, really I do.” And then I left.

[thisisatesttai]

I'm rereading Fables by Bill Willingham, and I think I'm going to document my thoughts on it, because as much as I like the premise, I've never been able to call myself a fan, and I want to know why.

(Also it's a comic that I can pirate online until I inevitably get tired of it again, so it feels a lot more manageable for my ADHD than, say, reading a book or sitting down for a two-hour movie has been.)

For posterity's sake, I've read most of Fables in the past, I don't know how many volumes but somewhere between 10 and 20, so more than half. Normally, I'd eat up this twisted fairy tale sort of thing, which is why I've read so much of it despite never being able to put my finger on what I don't like about it. Right now I'm partway through the second arc, which I remember being the arc where I originally decided I didn't like Fables, but I want to get my thoughts down about the first arc and why it's kind of stinky before I get into this one.

Oh, I'm discussing plot details openly here, so spoiler warning.

So the premise of this first arc is that Snow White's sister, Rose Red, has been murdered. Her ex-boyfriend, Jack Horner, best boi, is immediately put in the dungeon as part of an interrogation technique by our cowboy cop hero, Bigby Wolf. Immediately I'm like, there needs be a good justification for this. Like, I get wanting your hero to do questionable things, but you need a good reason to pull it off. I'll preface this by saying Bigby doesn't have a good reason.

So, while Jack is sitting in jail with no charges brought against him -- a fact that the comic is open about -- Bigby starts investigating with Snow, who he insists is a suspect, too. I was going to complain that he doesn't really have a reason to, but then I realized that him saying "well, we know there's bad blood between the sisters" is probably an excuse for Bigby to cut Snow out of the investigation in-character as much as it is for Willingham's convenience. There's a lot of time devoted to her being irrational, which is attributed to her having presumably lost her sister, but it does reek of misogyny and is an excuse for Bigby to shut her out.

Then we have Bluebeard, who I've never really understood, who they find out was engaged to Rose Red. He's very much the foul bedfellows sort of character, everyone knows he's a piece of shit, but no one ever takes him to task on it. In his case, Bigby just kind of yells at him and accuses him out of nowhere. This is supposed to be a tactic, too, but I've never understood what it accomplished, besides setting us up for the comic's big fight scene, when Bluebeard breaks into Jack's cell to do his own interrogation and Bigby goes full wolfman to intervene.

Fast forward to the end, it's the big party for all the Fables that's been a ticking clock for the whole arc. Bigby takes Snow on a date "for the mission" and she gives him the last key he needs to solve the mystery, so he goes to the upstairs pool, gets naked, and calls all the main characters up to the roof so they can watch him get out of the pool and explain how he figured out the mystery. I don't know why he does this, though I guess he's pretty open about staging the parlor scene for his own amusement, so I guess he wanted to do the explanation in a speedo? Whatever.

Turns out Rose Red faked her death, with Jack's help. They did it to swindle a dowry from Bluebeard. I will say, a lot of the actual detective work is kind of clever. The bit with the freezer is cool, and while the holes Bigby pokes in the crime scene setup seem really stupid in the moment, I will admit that I did not notice them on my initial read or this one, so I guess they worked. But I never feel like Bigby gets a good reason for why he was holding stuff back from Snow, or for his shitty treatment of the people he's investigating.

[loser-female]

No wait, there is something that actually bothers me.

What if I was actually being abused and I came to radblr to seek out healing and some company while at the same time not knowing how to leave or not being allowed to?

That idiot would have got me spiraling.

It takes 0 effort to ignore people you don't like for whatever reason (even stupid ones), but there is no justification to start making aggressive comments out of nowhere because you lack the emotional maturity to understand that you don't know anything about someone's else life and therefore you have no right to make such comments. Or any comment really.

I really, really hope no abuse victim ever receive that shit(and I hope first anon gets professional help, because no, it's not normal to act like this?

And yes, there is a difference between asking "why do you think..." And assuming things I didn't say just because someone else told you I said so. Think with your own head and not the "'cool group" ones.

[ranger-kellyn]

tmi, sex mention, miscarriage and venting stuff below the read more

i'm fine i'm just Mad

the official Worst part about being into juliana/nemona at this point is how much i see people complaining that "they're teenagers!! you shouldn't write anything gross about them!!" and i'm just like.....

i have this fic in mind. it's been rolling around my brain nonstop since i started up my second playthrough in scarlet and it's a first kiss and first time messing around type story. i even said to myself when i very first thought of the fic, "my first kiss and my first time messing around both absolutely SUCKED and so it would be nice to write this for my younger self. living vicariously through them a scenario where my first kiss and first time messing around didn't fucking blow and leave me feeling disgusting."

bc yeah!! my first kiss fucking sucked!!! it rarely ever comes up, but when it does, i always lie and say my first kiss was my first boyfriend, john when i was 16. my kiss with john was straight out of a fucking fairy tale! outside our hotel under the starlit sky of crans montana switzerland as we watched a rainstorm roll in at an angle in the valley below us! wonderful! couldn't ask for better. people eat that shit up.

my actual first kiss was at 15 with this gross boy who from the day i met him i hated him. he came out of nowhere and was dating my best friend for like all of a week, but he set off this alarm in the back of my mind-- but i was so desperate for my first kiss bc i was the only one of my friends who hadn't at that point, and i was desperate to know what it was like and how "MaGiCaL" it would be. so even when the boy i had this intrinsic "stay away from me" started paying attention to me, i shoved all that aside just so i could finally kiss someone. he made me fucking touch his dick before kissing me and he hardly did anything for me and the kiss sucked and it all was just horrible, and to this day i just feel horrible for my younger self for walking us into that when we knew-- i knew you were trouble was my favorite taylor song when red first came out for a reason

my first time having sex was at 17 with a different guy, and that fucking sucked because i wasn't confident enough to say "what you're doing isn't working for me" or try to tell him how to actually get me off so i put up with sex that was so disappointing it got me over him (lmaO) BUT. and while, sure, i technically never took a pregnancy test bc i was petrified to buy one, i missed my period for a little over two months and then had the worst period of my fucking life-- i feel safe to say i miscarried. which, don't get me wrong, i am more than thankful it happened because being a parent that young would have absolutely ruined my life, and being tied to him in that way is the last thing i would ever want. i just still hate that my younger self went through all of that.

so i just want to live a little vicariously through some fictional characters a scenario where your first kiss and first time messing around(/sex in general bc i know it's a little dubious when you both have vaginas as to what is and isn't sex lmao) doesn't fucking blow because it's with someone you genuinely already love because they were your best friend first, and so you're not scared to talk and work with them, and I just.......

i genuinely don't think i'll be able to post such a fic. and because i don't think i can post it, i haven't even allowed myself to actually write anything because in the back of my mind i'm terrified that writing this fic will get me doxxed by some puritanical wack job who refuses to separate fiction from reality.

i don't want to have to preface my fic with this whole stupid ass justification just because the internet at large is letting purity culture worms eat their fucking brains.

i DO have a second AO3 account with no socials linked i could post it to, but that still makes me anxious. i'm not trying to have some freak try to doxx me and harm me in some way just because i wanted to write something for my younger self.

[emblemxeno]

I'm the anon that was doing a BR lunatic run - I've finished last week and sat a bit on it to properly digest everything.

I surprised myself and ended up enjoying it a lot by the end! But the catch is that this only started happening during the Nohr chapters and mostly because fighting the CQ cast once again squeezed An Emotion out of me. Still don't care for more of the BR royals, except for Takumi who is a fucking mess in a very understandable way so he's obviously the best. I'm starting to see how this might be a me problem and there's some sort of stupid graph I could make where 'enjoyment of FE character' is my Y axis and 'how much of messy bitch they are' is the X axis and the plotting just keeps going up into inifnity towards the tail end of the scale.

My favourite chapter (story-wise) is probably the Leo one bc it sort of comes out of nowhere with its spooky skellingtons, fav line is Camilla talking about cradling my skull or whatever insane shit she was on about in that map. Fav BR character was Orochi, fav royal was Takumi, fav map is the sewers although it took me forever to clear and it almost filtered my ass. I was a bit tired by the end so I beat the final map by suiciding most of my units against the boss YOLO etc etc. I still have my save so I'll be back to it in a bit to clear it properly lol. I tried to keep everything fair and didn't grind, with the exception of a couple of maps to catch Selkie, Saizo and Kaze up to the rest of my units before the penultimate map. Not finishing BR on a lower difficulty before this did bite me in the ass bc I was really struggling with anticipating what I would need, but it was mostly manageable with just the base maps.

Reports of story Xander and support Xander have been greatly exaggerated and I'm surprised it's such a community meme. BR Xander is a Camus who's getting his ass beat - badly. He has two options: surrender (and he's in too deep to do that; there's a reason Leo got the Pragmatism personal and not him) or double down, so he's just scraping around for any sort of justification or cope or anything really that can make him feel like less of a garbage pile. Support Xander is separated from his goo dad, surrounded by a bit of a support network and /not/ getting his ass beat, so he has more room for self reflection, improvement and being a bit silly. It ain't that deep.

Final rating in terms of enjoyment is CQ>BR>Rev which I did not expted bc I genuinely didn't hate Rev. I think it's mostly that while it has some good character moments and it mostly resolves the idiot ball problem you end up with in CQ a lot of the times, Rev is also a lot less interesting. It answers a lot of the weirdness of CQ and BR but that weirdness didn't need to be there in the first place, the plot is fine as it is without needing to throw in that a dragon did it.

On the flip side, even if I enjoy CQ the most, the plot is easily the dumbest out of the three - it's buckling really hard under the weight of trying to balance the sad war tragedy and the classic dragon story. BR is mostly a straight war drama with some teaser content for Rev dumped at the end. In Rev, the war drama is an obstacle you have to manage to get to the juicy dragon lore. CQ blends everything into a lumpy paste and it's like ... Okay, I like it, but only bc you've sprinkled some cinnamon on top.

I've also heard that a lot of the more interesting things about the dragon lore are reserved for some of the DLC maps like Heirs of Fate and uh ... Locking lore from your DLC lore route to your DLC maps is A Choice, to be sure. I do have some of them downloaded so I'll give them a shot eventually.

I've apparently played 200h of Fates so far, which was a fucking surprise for sure since Echoes is still my fav 3DS game. I'm obviously deriving enjoyment out of it, but it's so hard to quantify lmao. I've already restarted a CQ Hard run since my last one got stopped around the great wall map (I think, it was a while ago) and I'm up to the Opera chapter - 2nd time lucky, hopefully!

I appreciate the chance to talk about something other than red woman for a bit and I think being able to sort through my thoughts like this gave me peace of mind - I no longer know if I enjoy Fates or not and I do not care. It's an FE game and this series has me by the throat, so I'll keep playing it until my 3DS finally dies and I'll have left is fruit png texture my beloved and maddening runs. I'm free.

This also makes me excited about the potential of Engage being a bit silly again. Predictions!

My best guess at the mo is that it will go the way of Awakening - maximum cheese but it's so earnest that it's hard to dislike outright. It will not be a series standout, but people will remember it fondly and it's not difficult to see why it might be someone's fav, even if it's not yours personally. It will be very light and anime with the exception of a couple of chapters a la Awakening Ch10 where they will somehow manage to write a banger of a moment that will be undercut by some dumbass support with Funny Footsteps playing in the background unlocking immediately afterwards. At least one FE YouTuber will make a video about a random waifu's characterisation being the deepest shit ever bro. The best written character is actually going to be Byleth, but no one will pay attention to them. There don't seem to be any S rank mechanics in for now and maybe this is too optimistic, but I get the vibe that Alfred might be up for grabs for both Alears if they do add that back in. There's at least one poisonous swamp map and everyone hates it. They bring back the buried treasure mechanic for the desert nation. The final boss battle takes place on top of the big cobra dragon as an homage to the Grima fight and it's going to be dope as fuck. They bring Itsuki in as a DLC lord - this is a marketing push for #FE2 baybee (I haven't played it, but got into SMT over the last year and I feel like there's untapped potential in the concept that they maybe haven't fully realised with the idol theme). There will be Twitter drama about at least one localised support (lol). There will be Reddit drama about at least one FEH alt (double lol). There's at least one adult character that will be accused of being minor coded bc of their height. They will get an OP summer alt that has everyone going mental. The blacksmith lady is going to be incredibly popular with NSFW communities and she will be a surprise recruit, sort of like Izana and that lot.

Would love to hear more of your thoughts on Engage so far - anything that catches your eye or any hopes for it now that we've seen a bit of the gameplay and characters?

Nice, hope you're having fun with your run, anon.

And I don't have too many new thoughts on Engage yet, mostly just "this game looks pretty" and "the characters they're showing on Twitter look cool". I'm excited for it.

[damselofblueroses]

The Name of the Rose, Chapter 3

Summary: Your study-buddy Doh Kyungsoo comes with you for a long-awaited trip to Tokyo, Japan. There is a tension between you, however both of you decided to build a friendship instead of a relationship.

Chapter Summary: Kyungsoo made a mistake on his delicate relationship with the reader, then he could not find a way of apologizing. Reader made his life harder than he could imagine. They accepted that they mutually have some feelings however they could not name them. Catastrophy begins with Kyungsoo’s acceptance of reader’s interesting and unexpected offer.

Content: Unestablished relationship, AU, Hurt/Comfort, Anger, Slight Violence, Emotional Complications and Healing.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story was inspired by D.O.’s album, Empathy, the album of 2021 in my opinion. It is an ongoing mini project, I planned to write it as a one-shot when I started, however I realized there are a lot to say about Empathy Era and I cannot stop shut my mouth, or prevent myself from writing… So, here we go.

Chapter Word Count: 5.7k

Series Masterlist

Prettier than Roses

Perhaps Kyungsoo was still punishing himself even after all this time, whether he was aware of his regrets or not. But he was punishing himself, for not being vocal about his feelings for you. He burned for you, he followed you just as a bloody puppy dog tail, but he always kept his heart’s desires in his chest.

He was resisting the urge of confessing, the dire need of being more than a friend for you as he was performing all roles of a friend, but God, he hated his role in your life. Even though he strongly believed that he did not have a chance with you, not even in the slightest, not after he played his role very well, more than he wanted and resulted in being your very dear and close friend. A friend, but nothing more nothing less. He hated so much, if he could, he would change everything in the blink of an eye.

He knew that he had to take you back to the safety of your room immediately. Before he was going to lose his shit. Before he was going to make a mistake. Before he was going to fuck the things up so bad. He was determined to take the cab and keeping you away from himself.

He did not want any distraction, shit he fucking dreamed of ripping that bloody dress off you during the dinner, he did not wish anything but managing to lock himself inside of his room before doing something stupid.

His clenched his fists in order to focus on a different thing. When he saw the cab coming to your direction, he was on the verge of praying.

However, when he turned to you, he just lost his shit.

You were looking at him with you big-doe eyes, a pout on your lips. The city lights were painting you with a dim yellow shine, multiplying your summer rose vibe. To Kyungsoo’s dismay, the wind carried your floral fragrance to him.

He remembered what you asked him.

He remembered what you requested.

Kyungsoo would do it right, he would touch you rightly and correctly, goddamn, he was fucking dreamed of how he could touch you since years. He was not better than the men you went out with, he was fantasizing a lot about you, he felt bad since he did not have your permission, fucking hell if he would ask your permission, but at the same time he knew that he was just helpless when those thoughts about you popped up in his imagination.

Unfortunately, all those dreams were so vivid.

You were like an island to him. A place for self-isolation, a place of happy utopias, a place of loneliness, a place of joy and fruitful ways of living, a place of exile and a place of connection. You were his island, his harbour and he needed to make you his, only his.

Since the day you were asleep on his shoulder in the bloody library, Kyungsoo wanted nothing but you.

Since the day you jumped in front of Kyungsoo out of nowhere with your fucking Cheshire cat grin, Kyungsoo only wished for being able to stick to you till the end. He did not care if he was torturing himself by dreaming of you when he knew he could not have you.

Your scent was too good.

Kyungsoo did not think what the heck he was doing, his mind could not catch his actions. His breath caught in the center of his throat like he was thirsty since ages, he could feel all dryness. He watched himself out of his body, he reached to you and dragged you into the cage of his arms.

Your smell was something else and Kyungsoo was immediately drunk in your scent.

“It is okey, Kyungsoo.” he heard your sweetest voice.

Kyungsoo did not need anything more to hear. The cab just disappeared into the darkness he caressed your face.

“You are so beautiful.” the words he was desperate to say finally fell from his tongue, mingled with the air. Your eyes slightly widened, and he heard your little gasp, that was the nail of Kyungsoo’s coffin. “Goddamn, you are fucking beautiful.”

“Kyungsoo” you literally moaned his goddamn name, and if there was still a kind of sanity left in Kyungsoo’s mind, your moan unconditionally destroyed it.

He kissed you and it took your breath away, both of you.

He kissed you enough to empty your lungs, and made your mind go to mush.

You were the one who broke the kiss in order to catch your thoughts. Your mind was scattered all around. You leaned over to your shaking knees and held them tightly.

“This… This…” you were panting, trying to find an excuse in the book in order to justify the kiss he gave to you.

“This means nothing.” Kyungsoo muttered but he could also reject to his claim with two reasons. First, It definitely did not fell like fucking nothing, and he never want something more than kiss you.

“Well, it means a lot to me.” you could not help but spill the beans. “Where in the hell you learned how to kiss like this?”

“I told you that you never have a proper taste of me.” Kyungsoo tensely chuckled, hell, he was aware of he was doing everything in his not-to-do list, but the spell you put on him made him impervious to anything except you.

“If you kiss every girl like this,” you hesitated to tell what you wanted to say, then you just gave up. JesusfuckingChrist, if he did not want to hear, he would better not to kiss you. Since he turned your brain into mush, he had to listen. “There is no surprise they are chasing you every day.”

“I do not kiss every girl first and foremost.” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows were furrowed. “If they want to chase me, what can I do?”

“And now you are bragging about yourself.” Your mood quickly changed into a less pleasurable and preferrable situation. “Can we go back?”

“Yes, of course.” he nod but you knew that you just destroyed everything was building between you in the blink of eye. You bite your upper lip so hard, preventing you from crying. Not now. Not before you were going to be under your blanket.

That kiss, that fucking kiss, it was all Kyungsoo’s fault.

He gave you a proper taste of himself, and you just wanted to cry, you were deeply sad because of you were not able to have him, you could not have him. He would not come to you as he boldly stated that the kiss meant nothing.

You were angry.

You were sad.

You were disappointed of yourself.

You just wanted to go back to the safety of your room and being able to talk with Chanyeol. He would understand. You knew that Baekhyun would give you a lot of advice in order to seduce Kyungsoo, but you did not want even to hear them.

He told you the kiss meant nothing.

Hell, if you could agree with this shitty statement, you would be lying your ass off.

Fuck off, you bastard you thought. You were fighting with your tears, trying to send them back. You were a big, strong girl and you could control your feelings.

You always were extremely strong, and you were famous for your self-control. You were not going to let Kyungsoo to destroy your inner peace or seeing you in tears because of his fucking rejection. You thought Kyungsoo would do it better, kissing you better, making you feel good, but the only thing he did was dismantling your foolish dreams.

He put you in your place, he gave you a lesson about your place in his eyes.

Nothing.

Kyungsoo could not look at you while you two were in the cab, going back to the hotel.

He knew that he fucked the things up so bad and he could not think a way to claim back from the pit he fell down by himself.

He kissed you, goddamn, it was the best kiss of his whole life, then he just said it meant nothing.

He cursed himself, he wished for the earth cracked like an egg and swallow his worthless presence. He made you upset, that’s why he could not look at your face. He knew what he was going to see, your eyes were going to mirror his mistake.

He lost in the moment, and while he was trying to give you a justification of that kiss, he just irrevocably ruined everything.

When you arrived at the hotel, you paid for the cab without saying a single word to Kyungsoo and directly walked to the inside of the hotel.

Kyungsoo was dying to grab you and apologizing on his knees, but your face telling him not to dare touching you.

He did not enter the hotel, he just sat on a chair in the garden. He was lost in his self-hatred, dreadful overthinking that had his skull feeling stuffed and a lifeless gaze washed all his feature.

He expected nothing but long days where the minutes bled into hours, hours into days and the inability to differentiate one day from the other. He mentally prepared himself for more than self-hatred, he knew that depression, isolation, and numbness were on their way to finish him, to eat him alive. Your face expression when he told you it was nothing was carved behind his eyelids, whenever he closed his eyes.

Kyungsoo was ready for flashbacks and nightmares, disturbing recollections that would render him for the following days.

Comatose, Kyungsoo thought. It was going to be a comatose for him.

How could he think he was better than those guys you went out? They did not destroy your expectations; they did not blend your self-confidence as Kyungsoo did in the seconds.

You did not know but there was a reason why Kyungsoo hopelessly tried to spare you from his kiss. You did not know but Kyungsoo heard a conversation between you and Chanyeol for once, when Chanyeol was telling that Kyungsoo was different for you, Kyungsoo was caring you more than anyone else, Kyungsoo was always there for you before anyone else just like he forgot how to shut his mouth as he continued. Chanyeol was the one who told you about Kyungsoo’s feelings.

And you just giggled of disbelief as Chanyeol went on about everything Kyungsoo wanted to tell you. Open your eyes to the facts.

You just laughed at his feelings coming from Chanyeol’s mouth and you told him it was impossible, you declared that there was nothing could be happened between Kyungsoo and you. You told Chanyeol, Kyungsoo was a good guy, but you did not think he was for you.

He wanted to save you from an unwanted situation which Kyungsoo could put you in by kissing you. It was sake, telling him to teach you, and Kyungsoo stupidly fell for it.

Till now he preferred to hide in the shadows, dancing around the subject than jumping onto it.

But this logic that his mind was following did not change how much he hated himself right now.

He had no regrets on kissing you, god knew that. He still could taste your velvety lips under his lips, he knew that moment was going to live with him till the end of his life. That kiss was grounding but inebriating, he was feeling sane while bringing both of you to the edge of insanity, your lips burned him like a fire.

When you touched him, you marked his skin, your touch stayed on him.

But he hated himself so much, enough to made him feel suffocating.

He found himself standing up and heading to your room before he could understand what the heck he was aiming for. The deep rumble of his chest that he could almost feel vibrate through the air as he walked through the way coming to you, helped him to prepare himself to face with you.

What could it be? he asked to himself. You could tell him get the fuck off, but he was not going to obey to your wish this time.

It was going to be a rumbling, he knew your possible reactions when you were sad, Goddamnit, you were extraordinarily upset with him, but he did not let this fact to disheartened him. He was not a coward; he was going to fix his mistake.

Kyungsoo raised his hand to knock your door, but before doing it, he heard your voice. As he thought, you were talking with Chanyeol or Baekhyun, he was not sure. He came closer to the door as much as he could, and did not give a shit to the rightful concern what if someone saw him while he was leaning on a single woman’s room like a stalker pervert?

He did not care.

He only cared for hearing your words after the incident.

Your voice was cracked, and he could not hear you properly, your voice was coming and going like a goddamn ancient radio. He could hear some words but there was no consistency or no chance of building a logical sentence of your words. He could perceive his name, with couple of words which Kyungsoo hoped not to be used with his name again, some broken lines on how disappointed you were, and he caught your oh-god-fucking-damn-it type of annoyance against Kyungsoo.

He gave up and knocked your door.

Twice.

There was no sign from you, and Kyungsoo was tired of patiently waiting.

He did his waiting. Seven years. In a fucking friendzone he put himself in.

He aggressively knocked on your door, and he did not stop until you gave up and opened the door.

“Shit.” he cursed when he saw your face. “You look horrible.”

Oh really? you thought.

After leaving Kyungsoo, you did not spend a single second to lock yourself in your secure and lonely room, then you just pressed the right numbers to make a call. Chanyeol was there for you, he listened your rambling and gibberish without a sign of inconvenience. He let you to curse Kyungsoo as much as you wanted, he joined you for the little party of swearing at Kyungsoo and he was generous on his vocabulary.

But you cried even when Chanyeol managed to put a broken smile on your face by telling you maybe Kyungsoo was not interested in girls, otherwise he had to be on his knees for you.

You cried for Kyungsoo more than anything made you cry till now.

Your sadness caught you off guard, even you did not expect to be upset with him like this, your feelings were like a blunt blade, it was turning in your heart over and over, using your own blood to be sharp again, then continuing its spinning in your heart. Pain made you numb; you could do only cry.

Your eyes were puffed and literally red. Your cheeks were red. Your lips were red.

Of course, you looked goddamn horrible as Kyungsoo, this asshole, proudly observed. Applause time for him for his greatest deduction.

“Nothing can escape from your eyes, Sherlock.” you murmured. “Couldn't you pay your attention on the fact that we already passed the midnight? Why are you here?”

“May I come in?” Kyungsoo kindly asked but something in his eyes were telling you to be on your toes and careful.

“No.” You congratulated yourself because of your refined answer. You were an idiot for sure, instead of playing with him and showing that he had no impacts on you, you chose to manifest how much you were broken by him. Good for you.

Transformation started in his eyes. Those chocolate brown and very warm eyes, reminding the deer’ beauty, perfectly shaped as almonds turned into crescents, and it was a bloody indicator of his mood was shifted into something dangerous. He was always quick to switch the moods, but he had never looked intimating at this level. You really could not believe what the heck he did, he just grabbed your fucking wrists, dragged you inside of your fucking room without your permission and pressed you on your fucking wall.

“Kyungsoo, fuck off!” you hissed at him, trying to save yourself from his iron grasp, swallowing hard.

“Tell me just one thing and save both of us from misery.” he whispered; his low-pitched voice gave you goosebumps which you really tried to take no notice of, but your traitor body willingly has been taking everything if the giver was Kyungsoo. “Why did you cry?”

“What if I do not want to tell you?” you lifted your chin, you needed to distance yourself from him, he already ruined the progress just a couple of hours ago. His statement clearly taught you whatever your friendship was not the best way to build a new kind of relationship, and you strongly opposed to be friends with benefits or those kinds of agreements. You would not go for them, you wanted Kyungsoo as your lover, not as your fuckbuddy.

“Do me a favor,” he enunciated each syllable and moved his right hand to your shoulder, pressing you into wall just like he wished to ground you right there. “Tell me.”

He leaned on you, his palm made contact with your shoulder, sliding up to your neck and staying there. His touch was heavy again, hotter than before.

He was goddamn close.

When you tried to save your body from him again, Kyungsoo’s hips rutted against yours.

Well, now you could feel more than before.

“Stop fucking moving!” he grunted, surprising you with the sudden and macho voice tone. He looked like very uncomfortable. “You and your idiotic behaviour!”

“If you do not like it, let me go!” you hissed, but you felt a knot was forming in the pit of your stomach. You were afraid of his impacts on you, especially after that fucking kiss. He had you over there as melted like a chocolate under heat.

Even while you were fighting to free yourself, your eyes unconsciously gravitated along his features, all you could do was thinking of him all the time you had spent with him. Those piercing brown eyes and those plump, smooth and heart-shaped lips that are always set in a witty line, the smallest moles and a couple of freckles all around his tiny nose and rosy cheeks, his long eyelashes, and that bloody soft hair of him, caused you to desire running your fingers through.

He was driving you fucking crazy, and you hated his power on you.

“Oh, believe me if I do not like even your idiotic side,” he leaned forward, closed the little proximity between your bodies and you felt the air left your lungs with your sanity. “I would not kiss you, damn woman.”

You were lost for words, you were run down, the only thing you could voice was an exasperated huff. Kyungsoo stared at you, refusing to loosen his grip around your body, instead he held you for his dear life and his gaze was nothing but absolutely penetrating.

You turned your head, trying to find something else to fix your eyes upon while you had been seeking the meaning of his words about liking your idiotic side.

Did he convey his feelings? Did he really stand for liking you, if he liked even your idiotic side, did it indicate that he liked all of you?

If he kissed you because he liked you, did that kiss imply more than nothing for him?

If yes, why he told you it meant nothing?

“Look at me.” his left hand cupped your face gently, on the contrary of his eyes, burning with fires, you could see the red was invading chocolate brown circles. “Do not avert your eyes.”

You blinked and shut your eyelids tightly. Suddenly, the silence in the room was more palpable than it was before, drowning both of you in a foggy swamp of riddles.

You were pissed off, broken and now, thanks to his complicated words, you were more than confused.

Kyungsoo was pissed off, broken and now, thanks to your complicated reactions, he was more than confused.

“If you were so keen on trying to convince yourself that I meant that kiss was nothing,” his jaw flexed, and his eyes were clouded. “I was trying to make amend for my fault. I should have not kiss you.”

You shivered, despite it was a very hot summer night, and Kyungsoo’s warm body made your temperature skyrocketed.

“Why?” you asked. “You do not make any sense, Kyungsoo.”

“Look, who is talking?” he rolled his eyes back. “You never make any sense about our fucking relationship since the beginning. I told you many times, pay your attention.”

You should be warned to follow the signs. Collect them and find the hidden meaning. Kyungsoo was sure on his patience, he could wait for you as much as you wished, he could give you time as much as you needed, but he had no patience to hide in the shadows anymore.

He knew that his constant shifting between one side to the other surprised you, hell it surprised even himself, he did not think about any of this, but since that kiss happened between you, since Kyungsoo got a taste of you, since he could touch you… Everything was changed.

He did not want to let you go.

He could not let you go.

He was aware of you did not belong to him, maybe you did not perceive Kyungsoo as a man, but he could not be your friend anymore. He wanted to tell you how much he adored you more than before. He wanted to kiss you more than before. He wanted to see your face when he woke up, he wanted to cuddle you when he was sad, he wanted to lean on your shoulder when he was broken, he wanted to cook for you, he wanted to sing for you, he wanted to make you happy, he wanted to make you feel good, he wanted to be your harbour to shelter from the stormy seas, your rock to build your home.

He wanted to live his life with you. He wanted to share even the smallest detail of his fucking life with you.

“I told you that I even like your idiotic side,” he clarified. “And you still avert your eyes from me.”

That ignited the fire of your soul.

“Hell, excuse me for my idiotic side but if I remember correctly and my memory never fails me, I told you that it was fucking okey just before you kissed me, after I shared my catastrophic first kiss experience with you,” your voice was not trembling anymore. It was firm, fuelled by your anger. “Then, all you could say was that kiss stands for nothing. What do you expect me to say?”

“Even if you are upset with me, talk to me!” he frowned. “I ask nothing but your words, truly and fully. Is this too much to expect? Hell, you were the one who said that I am a good guy but not made for you, why you are so upset with me because I made an excuse for that kiss?!”

It was your turn to froze. Kyungsoo finally let you go, he stepped back, and his arms crossed over his chest, but you froze to death. You could not move but looking at his unchanging expression like an idiot he just named it correctly.

“Yes,” you took a deep breath. If Kyungsoo said this to your face, it meant that he wanted you to face a revelation. He wanted you to know that he heard your words about him, the words which you vividly remember as you said them to Chanyeol without knowing that Kyungsoo was able to hear them. If he heard them, you owed an explanation to him. Maybe you were just searching an excuse in the book, but you gave up. You were going to tell him what you think of him. “It was me. I still have the same observation. You are damn good for me, if I would say the opposite, I would be lying my ass off.”

Kyungsoo’s face went blank.

What did you say to him? He wanted you to talk truly, however right now he was nothing but almost regretful what he had said to you. Kyungsoo hoped for you did not mean that for real, he wished it was just a gibberish.

Were you a goddamn fool?

He knew the low level of your self-confidence, but your statement was nothing but the shittiest one he has ever heard.

“What?” he murmured. “You think I am good for you?”

“Yes.” you nod. “Look at yourself, Kyungsoo! You are damn good at everything you do, you are clever, hard-working, funny, firm and always trustable, I even do not go for your physical quality, it is fucking obvious, you are handsome as fuck. Of course, I could not say anything different, you were not made for me.”

Suddenly, your hands became the focus of your attention, you fixed your eyes onto them instead of looking at Kyungsoo, who took his time before registering and recording your words in his brain. Then, his hands started were smashed together unintentionally.

“And during all this time,” he heard his own voice trembling, as if being blown by the brute force that he was trying to contain inside of his chest. “I thought you are the cleverer one.”

“Ha?”

“I really do not understand why I think you can follow the signs I have been giving to you like a bloody idiot.” he could not help but growled at you. “In my opinion, you are the only girl who deserves to feel fucking good, and if I can be that one to bring you to such a high, I would willingly do it.”

“I do not un-

“Because you do not want to see!” Kyungsoo could not control himself but go ballistic because of your blockheadedness. How could a woman be clueless at this level? What should he do, continue to scream at you about his feelings or should he bring a testimony that was approved by lawyers?

Didn’t you understand how much he cared for you?

Didn’t you see his almost tangible desires for you?

Everyone could sense his love for you, but you could fucking not, and Kyungsoo was burned out because of your total ignorance.

“Are you,” your whisper reached to his ears. “Are you interested in me?”

Kyungsoo decided that, on the contrary of your academic success, you were literally a retard.

“Why do you think I follow you everywhere like I am your dog tail?” he clenched his fists. Quickly, he walked towards you, but stopped just in front of your trembling body. “What do you think of me, do I look like a lost puppy?”

“No.” you were offended by his words. Dog tail? Puppy? He was not that much cute at first place with his level of being witty and shitty! However, after one look at him, you were not sure anymore, even he was clearly pissed off, he was fucking gorgeous and cute. “Shit, Kyungsoo, you are annoying.”

“You are the damn annoying one.” Kyungsoo started to question himself, he wanted nothing more than to fuck this attitude out of you right there, in your double sized bed. “All I did was finding an excuse which can make you relaxed with me, and I accepted my failure. I should have neither kiss you nor lie about it. But I did, and I apologize for my misbehaviour. Let’s look at you, you are just asking goddamn questions and ignoring my answers. Who is the annoying one?”

You whipped your head around; your eyes were glistering with a layer of tears, forming in the edges.

“Are you interested in me, or not?” you cried. Kyungsoo glanced up, he registered the sudden stiffness in you, and how you consciously averting your eyes away from him. He remembered that same stiffness invaded your posture when you wanted to learn what happened to your dad while he was in emergency, or you were hopelessly driving into Busan when you received after the news of Chanyeol’s motorcycle crash.

He finally understood what you needed to hear.

You wanted his words.

You wanted him to say those words.

“I have always been interested in you.” he gave up. Your heart jumped into your throat at his blunt answer, you did not know how you feel about this information, having a place in Kyungsoo’s head was something you always hoped for, but never believe it could be real. Half of you thrilled with a delicious excitement, while the other half wanted to run away because of fear.

What if he was going to fuck around with you then ditch you?

What if he was going to try being with you then decide to leave you?

What if he was going to pour happiness into your life, you even could not dream of, then disappear?

Your dilemma was in your head. Carved into your mind, body, and soul.

Your biggest fear was losing Kyungsoo.

“I hate this eerily silence between us.” Kyungsoo cut you off before you could dig yourself into a deeper hole. How could you tell him he was everything and more you wanted from this life? How could you make him to understand how much you devoted yourself to him unconditionally? You watched him with darkening eyes, darkening with your fears, with your concerns, with your worries. Your eyes were dark as the pitch-black. “I am sorry to disturb you. See you tomorrow morning if you want to have a breakfast with me.”

Every layer of privacy and secrecy that you desperately tried to build till now in order to keep your weakest point from him were dissolved when he directly headed to the door. You did not even realize but threw yourself in order to stop him.

“Do not go.” you let the tears fall then and held his toned arm for your dear life. You could not let him to leave you behind, otherwise you would be damned. “Do not leave me, before you really have to do.”

“Why should I have to leave you?” Kyungsoo turned back to you. You saw the hesitation of his moves, he wanted to caress your face, but he was holding himself. “I cannot do it, even if I want to. You are too precious for me, bookworm.”

Your face was softened by his rich baritone voice and the nickname he gave you. Calling you as a bookworm was reserved to Kyungsoo, he beaten the shit out of even Baekhyun when he also called you like Kyungsoo.

“One day you will, Soo.” you were lost in your nightmares, mulling over horrendous scenarios your subconscious had been giving you in a fucking row. “One day someone will steal you from me, one day you will fall in love with a girl and leave me behind.”

Something told you that you should have been keeping this logic to yourself, but you were extremely emotional at the very moment. Your expectations, dreams, fears, hopes, everything was mixed up and conjoined with the amount of sake you just consumed.

You were talkative tonight, something very rare for you and Kyungsoo was happy for that. Even though you had been going through a hell of a night. He was also oversensitive, his mind was clouded by his own dreads and doubts, however when you sharply deducted on his not-existed-because-of-you love affairs, he could not help but chuckled.

“First, I have to see the girls.” his throat was like a sandpaper as he swallowed. The rosy tint on your cheeks was obviously growing, invading your skin, and heading to the south. He hardly took his eyes off your neck and the rest of the direction. “Excuse me, but I have eyes only for you.”

“You cannot say that!” you winced, by fanning your face with your hands.

“Then enlighten me.” he defended himself. “How should I say it? Sorry, but I believe in monogamy.”

Your knuckles paled as your grip around his arm tightened.

How could you name the hunger that driving you into crazy? How could you tell him even looking at him, even if you have not a single clue what was going to be happen, riling you up? You supposedly liberated yourself from Kyungsoo, but tearing his gaze away was impossible for you.

You wanted him. So, fucking bad.

You wanted his hands. His lips. His body.

You wanted his soul. His heart.

You were starting to pull him to yourself without noticing, Kyungsoo’s eyes were widened when you took the initiative to your hands.

Literally.

“Do you remember what I asked to you?” you whispered.

“About?” Kyungsoo exhaled with your unexpected shifting between moods. He did not trust his voice, not now, not when you were so close to him, enough to feel your breath on his lips.

His throat was like the deserts of Egypt right now.

“About teaching me.” you murmured into his fucking ear. “When it comes to touch someone?”

“Yeah.” he swallowed very hard, biting a tsunami of cursing back.

“Will you teach me?” your hands wandered around his arms to his chest and stopped there. “For the future references?”

“If I were you,” he groaned. “I would not think about future references.”

You rolled your eyes, taking your hands back off his body. Kyungsoo caught your hands and put them back on his chest, while he was aggressively dragged you into his arms.

“I am going to teach you.” his eyebrows were furrowed. “How you should be touched.”

Kyungsoo was never going to forget how your eyes glowed after his words with excitement.

He was not sure but it seemed like you wanted him almost like how he wanted you.

Desperately and fucking needy.

He carried you to the bed.

[tuiyla]

What scenes/ storylines on the show do you think went nowhere/ wasn’t needed? It’s been a while since I’ve watched but I remember thinking the show was padded with unneeded stuff to waste time.

I think the way I'd put it is that there were a lot of storylines in general and the sheer volume meant that they rarely ever had time to properly explore any of them. I talked a bit about this in an earlier answer but I think Glee really just needed fewer storylines in general because they could not handle it all. It's like they got so fed up with them so quickly that instead of giving a proper resolution they just, started a new bonkers thing. Season 3A always comes to mind, I need to make a post about that. That's what's so crazy about a lot of the stuff being padding, they wouldn't have needed it if they just focused on what they already had.

I don't usually consider things to be unnecessary but that said, I'll share a few that come to mind and divide them into two categories: one that didn't add much because they went nowhere and ones that did have relevance but I'd still have cut them and focused on other already existing stuff instead. They might blur a bit.

"Why did we have this, this went nowhere" cutting floor:

Sue fully had a baby and the writers stopped caring in the first trimester

Ryder's catfish situation, what was that about. In fact you know what, why did we need Ryder at all?

Quinn had a car crash only to be dancing at Nationals a few weeks later, why

do we remember that Dalton burned down? that was a thing

there was absolutely no justification for the stupid Brittana sex tape

Sam was a teenaged sex worker and it was played for laughs, yikes

who cared about Sue and Burt running for congress, honestly

twerking

"Personally dislike it and would rewrite/replace" cutting floor:

I was over the Finchel wedding drama by the second episode. I think it also fits in the "went nowhere" category and just, idk, apart from Jeff Goldblum not my jam

The Kitty-Marley ED story, oof. There were so many other ways to convey that Kitty's a bitch who picks on Marley for no reason other than her own insecurities but Glee had to pick this for the drama and PSA that didn't even go anywhere.

A lot of the Wemma drama was not needed and I especially do not want to know about their sex life

Santana's outing shouldn't have happened at all, I've talked about this, and if it had to this was the worst way to do it

Tina's crush on Blaine just felt like mocking both the character and Jenna Ushkowitz herself

Puck and Shelby, doesn't need elaboration

These really are just some. Do y'all remember more? What even was this show.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

How would you have written Hinny?

I'm not saying I could write Hinny any better than the books did, I just personally found it odd that Ginny vanished off the face of the earth for two books after getting such a stellar introduction in Chamber of Secrets. She was the original victim of the Guest Star Curse. The other weird aspect of Hinny is the existence of Cho Chang. She's a fine character, don't get me wrong...but I find it strange that so much time and attention was devoted to her when she ultimately went nowhere. Like, her character just stopped mattering after Sirius died, when she was a semi-lead in OOTP otherwise.

I think this comes down to how Rowling didn't want Ginny to be the first girl Harry kissed. She even said as much, that it was important to her. Fair enough, but I think OOTP was the real missed opportunity here. Sure, Harry could have gone with Ginny to the Yule Ball, for example. (And as long as he wasn't going with Cho, I don't see why not.) but personally I think it's fine if Harry's still interested in Cho at this point. In hindsight, what could have and maybe should have killed this romance in the crib was the death of Cedric. I wouldn't even mind it if Cho remained an important character after his death. But Harry should be there for her as a friend. The two of them dating with the whole Cedric thing hanging over their heads was always going to be awkward, and it was. Ginny could have returned to greater prominence and Harry could have fallen for her in OOTP. (Minus the chest monster because that was so not needed.) So that they get together at the end of book five or at the start of book six, and we actually get a solid year of them being together, rather than all of two pages.

But there is one thing that should have never have happened, even more so than the chest monster. That stupid, pointless break-up. For as much as the films ruined Hinny, this is actually the one way in which they did it better, they omitted the breakup, and did anyone miss it? Seriously, Harry and Ginny are already going to have to go on long distance, pretty much. Neither of them really wants to break up, and they're back together with children by the epilogue. So what was the point of the break-up other than adding needless drama? It's not like these two even act like they're broken up. They continue to flirt with each other (Ginny winks at Harry after Muriel calls her dress low cut) and the two of them straight up make out on his birthday. And again, we never see them get back together. It happens off-page.

Not to mention, Harry's justification makes zero amounts of sense. He claims that he can't continue seeing Ginny because Voldemort might find out, and that would put Ginny at risk. Buddy, you kissed her in front of your entire House. The whole school knew within days. That ship has sailed. Voldemort knows, or will very soon. Draco could tell him. Snape could tell him. You have no reason to assume he doesn't know, and breaking up with Ginny now isn't going to dissuade him from going after her. You know who else Voldemort might target because they're close to Harry? Oh I don't know, maybe his surrogate parents, who took him in every summer? Harry can't exactly break up with Molly and Arthur. But the characters who are easily at the greatest risk? Ron and Hermione. Everyone knows that trio is inseparable. I know they wind up going with Harry, so it's a moot point...but he didn't know they were going to. He didn't plan on it. He tried to talk them out of it. Harry's whole noble "I have to protect you" is ridiculous because it's too late for that, and isolating himself from his loved ones isn't going to help.

[doubleca5t]

i love your pokemon let's play! i was watching the latest ep where you mentioned that b/w were your least favourite entries and was wondering if you'd ever elaborate on your issues with those games? it's not an opinion you see very often so i'd be really interested in hearing your take!

My issue with pokemon black and white is that prior to playing the games, I was told that these were the best ones, primarily because they have a good story. That they push the narrative boundaries of the series and take it in a bold new direction that no one thought was possible. After playing the games, I did not agree with any of this. I would argue that not only do these games not have a good story, but their story is actually noticeably worse than the stories of many of the other games.

The thing that sets BW apart from all the other pokemon games in terms of story is the villains - Team Plasma and N. Their stated goal is “liberating” pokemon from their trainers in order to create a world in which humans and pokemon live separately, the implication being that the act of pokemon training is basically animal abuse. Now at first, this seems like an interesting premise. Many people have pointed out that in real life it is generally not a great idea to force your pets to fight each other, and have joked that this makes pokemon no more than fantasy cockfighting. This should be an interesting set-up for the plot, because having a villain who actually has a point rather than just being a greedy gangster or a nihilistic madman or whatever the hell teams aqua and magma were about gives the player something to think about and forces them to question if what they’re doing is actually right.

The problem is, pokemon as a series is not structured in a way that allows this plot-line to be interesting.

Because, you see, the people who make pokemon have been well aware, long before BW came out, that Pokemon is fantasy cockfighting. They have known that kids and parents alike would ask questions about how this universe operates, and have created some very comprehensive lore to essentially explain away any potential fridge horror.

If all the animals in this world are pokemon then where does the meat come from? Nowhere! everyone in the pokemon world is a vegetarian.

Wouldn’t it be a sad, miserable existence for a pokemon to be trapped in a ball all day? Nope! The inside of a pokeball is like a luxury hotel.

Isn’t it cruel to force pokemon to fight each other? Pokemon naturally love combat, and the relationship between human and trainer is completely symbiotic.

These aren’t explanations provided in-universe, it’s not what the people in the pokemon world believe to be true, it is what the creators themselves have told us from on high is the truth. Pokemon is a light, fluffy fantasy world where elementary schoolers can have a fun time raising a team of cool monsters. The pokemon team has been extremely committed to sanding off all the edges of this world and you know what? That’s fine. I take no issue with this. If you don’t want people making MatPat style videos where they explain why Pokemon Is Actually Terrifying then by all means, just nip that in the bud.

But the flip side of that is that you can’t turn around and then, in the narrative, question your own word of god. Like, you the creator cannot say something about the universe is unambiguously true and then make a major plot point out of someone questioning if it’s true, because we the audience just go “well no, obviously this person is wrong because the creator told me so”. You can’t ask an interesting, morally fraught question about the nature of the pokemon universe because all the interesting questions have already been asked and answered.

And even if you’re ignoring the meta-textual stuff, there are plenty of in-universe cues that would suggest that even though the narrative pretends this is a serious question that requires serious consideration, there is a clear and obvious answer that is easy to see from the beginning. Team Plasma are painted as hypocrites from very early on in the game, and not just in the usual way of “oh you claim to want to improve society and yet you participate in society”, but in the sense that they are actively dicks to pokemon in ways that go above and beyond just battling with them.

On top of that, the big twist at the end of the game is that N was basically tricked into believing that humans and pokemon should live separately by the actual big bad, Ghetsis, who wants humans and pokemon to live separately as part of a complicated plot to take over the world that honestly, makes about as much sense as any other even team plan for world domination in this franchise. The messaging here is clear: “training and battling pokemon is morally correct, and the only people who say otherwise have ulterior motives.” No justification is needed beyond this, because we All Know It To Be True.

The reason I don’t like Black and White is that the other games in the pokemon series tell simple stories that are within the constraints of what the franchise is capable of and (at least before B/W) were routinely criticized for being too basic or uninteresting, while Black and White told a story with a stupid premise that could never, ever work and was praised for breaking new ground and asking hard questions.

It is, in short, fake deep. Which in my books, makes it far more annoying than any of the other games that fully own up to their own lack of depth.

Also I thought the pixelated-ass sprites looked ugly but that’s more of a personal preference.

[rubysunnday]

lottie,,,,,,, i have already screamed about it's in his kiss on my goodreads (it's a crime you don't follow me there; i'm funny on that silly book website), so i'm not going to put you through the pain of a lengthy review of the novel, but, i will come into your ask box and tell you how SUPERIOR it would have been if Gareth and Hyacinth were the childhood-friends-to-lovers trope. or if they were a childhood-friends-lose-touch-after-something-dramatic-then-are-reunited-when-of-marriageable-age-to-lovers trope,,,,

i mean,,,,,, all the justification you need for my superior concept is simply that:

they already banter and engage with each other like they've known each other for much longer than canon (screaming, crying, having a mental breakdown over the fact that like,,,, 3/4th of the novel takes place in TwO wEeKs—)

and more than that, the banter could be Supreme because they know how to get on the other's nerves,,,,,,,

the amount of time they spend together would be just a little more understandable if they'd always been close (though the uptick would be noticed by family, cue to ~looks~ and the ~remarks~ that would already be commonplace, but would suddenly have more significance,,, making for a more flustered Hyacinth)

the whole "Gareth suddenly sees Hyacinth in a new light" plot point could have been so much better if he had time to actually.... see her as just a friend first

the brief "matchmaker" stint of Violet and Lady Danbury could have been an inside joke - every two years or so they try to make it happen but it fails. ~but this time???? maybe it's working better than it should???? :0 ~

the conflict of Hyacinth "pushing people away when she thinks she they could be a match" could actually lead to an entire reason why Gareth hasn't considered marrying her sooner. he genuinely thinks that she could never see him like that. Hyacinth has hard-core friendzoned him multiple times in the past, or make up some stupid argument that she stretches into a big deal to push him away,,,,, and she uses it as justification for why they can't be but it can be like,,,,,, it's the kind of infuriating thing that she does that only he could understand, since he's an expert at not letting others in too, or what have you.

the first he kisses her out of nowhere it could have been such a Big Deal because it's a lot of things boiling over at once, y'know? anger but also love?? he has a realization and the Ordeal could have been overall more acute??? Gareth could have had a breakdown in his room à la Mr. Knightley in Emma (2020)???

the tension of the first B&E scene could have been so RIPE actually because ~we haven't done something like this (so close and so hands-on) since we were kids, and since before the kiss~

it would make Hyacinth's knowledge of some of his family drama but not other bits much more understandable but also insidious.

the whole "why do you want to marry me" thing could be, yes, about the dad, but also about "was i just always there? a backup option?"

we'd just get to see more of Gregory, which is a delight (the sibling interactions of every novel are the best parts. convince me otherwise.)

Hyacinth mentioned one (1) time that she had a crush on one of Gregory school mates and pushed him away because of it and I want to read a book about that dynamic, actually.

asdfsdfghjhgfdfghjkjfd,,,, i just think that they're dynamic is so clearly a friends to lovers romance, and really, it would just heighten aspects of the novel. plus, we'd get to hear about the shenanigans of little Hyacinth and Gareth and i just think that would have been neat. netflix should listen to ME, actually, and make the change.

see i did think that but you've already got the childhood friends to lovers thing with colin and penelope (i do love that book, it is good and raunchy as fuck). i kinda like the sudden friendship between the two over lady d and the whole hidden treasure (honestly, love the hidden treasure it was hilarious) and how they just bonded bc they are so alike

just hyacinth man